#Cas puts too much in destiny but I’m the end chooses love but only after seeing chuck’s machinations

[shallowrambles]

Nooooo

You don’t understand

They both understand the stoic “I did what I had to / I didn’t have a choice”

Too well

[kryptid-writes]

Chapter 16 - To Eternity (Lucifer's Ending)

Giving into her destiny, Y/N chooses to stay with her soulmate. One thing leads to another, and she learns exactly how the devil loves and what the rest of eternity with Lucifer holds.

(5k)

TW: this chapter contains smut

“It’s my choice, and I choose… Lucifer.”

Lucifer looks surprised for a moment but his demeanor quickly changes as his mouth twists into a cocky grin, his wings standing tall, all of his doubt washes away.

Dean and Sam stand in silence, staring at me with wide pleading eyes, looking as if their hearts have been ripped out of their chest and stomped on. 

Sam’s brows furrow and lips press into a thin line. He stares into the distance, eyes flicking back and forth as he replays the words over and over in his head.

Dean on the other hand stands still as a statue. The only movement is that of his jaw grinding and his fist tightening and loosening repeatedly, itching to punch something, or rather, someone. No matter how much he tries to remain stoic, seemingly unbothered, I can read him from a mile away and all that I see is grief and betrayal. 

Castiel stares down at his feet, shoulders slumped, looking disappointed, but not entirely surprised.

A pain radiates off of them in waves that set the room in an abysmal darkness.

I would give anything for the world to swallow me whole right now, put all this miserable business to rest. No matter how hard I try to do the right thing, I always manage to hurt someone I care about in the process. 

Maybe that’s just who I am, the girl that destroys everything she touches. Perhaps, Lucifer and I aren’t so different after all.

“Y/N, no,” Sam says in a stern voice, shaking his head in denial.

I avert his gaze, a burning feeling of guilt growing rapidly in my gut. I can feel his disappointing stare burning a hole through my head.

“This isn’t right,” Dean says, grabbing my arm in a desperate attempt to get to me. “Please just come home with me, it’s not too late to change your mind.” His eyes fill with tears ready to spill any moment. “Please,” he pleads, his breaths coming in heavy and uneven.

“I’m sorry Dean.” I place a soft kiss on his cheek, it tastes salty and metallic from the tears and blood that muddle together on his face. I take his hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze, longing to feel his touch one final time.

He closes his eyes, tears breaking free and streaming down his cheeks.

I can’t help the tears that begin to prick my eyes as well. I knew this moment was coming, but I didn’t know it would be so hard.

“I’m so incredibly thankful for our time together,” I say to him. “And everything you all have done for me.” I turn to look at Sam and Cas. 

They stare back at me somberly, Sam giving a curt nod, but quickly looking away in an attempt to keep his composure.

“Dean, I love you and I always will, but you have to let me go,” I say with a heavy heart, tenderly pulling my hand away.

He can’t find the words to say it, but with the look he gives me, I can see that he loves me too.

 I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. Perhaps a bit of both.

I make my way back to Lucifer, looking up at his stunning crimson eyes.

He tilts his head and stares back at me with a look of pure adoration and love that I can feel deep inside me.

“Every moment of my life has led to you, and I'm done fighting it,” I admit. “I’m yours,” I whisper, placing my hand on his chest.

“I knew you’d  make the right choice, my beloved,” Lucifer coo’s. He wraps his silky wings around me and pulls me into a loving kiss, pulling away after a few seconds to give the others a look that says, ‘I win’.

“Sorry boys, the angels made her choice.” He gives them a cocky grin and snaps his fingers. 

The three of them are gone in the blink of an eye, leaving just Lucifer and I in the place we call home. The room is trashed from the fight. Shards of broken glass litter the floor, busted furniture strewn around the room, and splatters of blood painting the walls, a grizzly reminder of what had happened here tonight, a memory that will be burned into my mind for the rest of my eternal life.

“What did you do to them?” I snap at him in anger, tired of him hurting my boys.

“Relax, they’re fine,” he insists in a snarky tone. “They’re still in rural Ohio. We’re the ones who’ve moved.”

I make my way to the hole in the wall that once held our front door, it now sits splintered in pieces on the floor. 

Lucifer follows close behind. 

Stepping outside, I find myself on an empty beach, seemingly untouched by mankind, its natural beauty perfectly preserved. The golden sand sinks beneath my shoes, seashells and tumbled rocks sprinkled all around. The water is a stunning aqua blue with gentle waves of white foam lapping over the calm waters. The sun sets above it all, the reflection of the pinky orange skies painted over the water on the ocean, taking my breath away. This place brings me a sense of peace that makes me want to melt into it all, becoming one with the land.

“What is this place?” I ask, closing my eyes and breathing in the crisp salty air, listening to the waves crash and sea birds sing.

“Somewhere along the coast of South Africa,” he replies, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” He asks, looking at me, seemingly not talking about the view at all.

“It’s perfect,” I whisper, meeting his gaze with an adoring smile.

“I’m glad you like it, but it’s only temporary,” he replies, fixing his gaze on the setting sun upon the horizon. “I’ve got bigger plans for us.”

“Bigger plans?” I question, taking his hand in mine.

“Of course,” he says as if it’s obvious. “We have an eternity together, the world is our oyster,” he smiles.

“Right,” I nod my head, warming up to the idea of spending the rest of my life with Lucifer, my angel. “Where do we start?” I look at him quizzingly.

“How about here?” he says, pulling me close and crashing our lips together. It’s soft and tender. The electric feeling of our graces blend together, becoming as calm as the ocean waves.

He catches me off guard by sweeping me off my feet and carrying me bridal style. I don’t protest. Instead, I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder, allowing him to carry me back to our bedroom with ease.

He throws me on the bed and passionately captures me in a kiss. His lips move hungrily against mine, our teeth, tongues, and lips hastily crashing against one another, but we’re too infatuated to care. His cold hand snakes up my body, leaving chills and goosebumps in their wake. It slides under the thin fabric of my shirt until he reaches my breast and tentatively palms me through my bra. 

My breath hitches at the feeling of his large hands kneading at my sensitive flesh.

 He presses his body firmly against mine, his aching erection in his jeans rubs against my inner thigh, so close to where I need him, yet, so far. His touch becomes more frenzied, trailing to other parts of my body with fervor. Frustrated with the multiple layers of clothes that separate us, he lets out a low growl and snaps his fingers, leaving us both completely naked and pressing against one another. The contrast of his cool skin against mine sends pleasant chills down my spine.

Despite his scruffy looks on the outside, he’s surprisingly muscular under all that clothes. The pale skin of his body perfectly compliments the gold and white tones of his feathers, making him look more ethereal than ever. 

 It’s my understanding that this isn’t his true form. That he’s simply occupying a human vessel. But there’s no doubt that the vessel he chose is certainly well endowed, to the extent it’s rather intimidating.

“L-lucifer!” I yelp, suddenly feeling all too exposed.

He doesn’t respond. Instead, he gives me a wicked smile and licks a long stripe up my neck with his forked tongue. 

I lean my head back into the pillow, my body aching with need and my worries fading to black. 

He finds a certain spot on the base of my neck that makes me whine from the sensitivity. He smirks. This is exactly what he was looking for. He bites down hard, his pointy teeth breaking my soft skin with ease.

“Fuck,” I hiss, trying to wiggle away from the sensation. My brain has gone offline, unsure whether it hurts too much or if it feels so good I crave more. Ultimately, I give into the latter, craning my neck to the side to give him better access.

He happily obliges, lightly kissing my neck around the bite where drops of crimson roll down to my collarbone. He peeks his forked tongue out of his teeth, then licks all of the blood that dribbles freely, cleaning my skin until all that is left behind is a pinky sheen from his saliva mixed with the remnants of my blood.

Part of me hopes that it will scar.

He lifts his head and captures my lips in a fiery kiss, forcing his tongue into my mouth. His cool tongue swirls around mine forcefully, pinning it down and proving who exactly is in charge here.

I moan as the rich metallic taste of blood dances across my tastebuds, a rush of exhilaration coursing through my veins. 

Once Lucifer is satisfied, he pulls back, his eyes falling to my puffy pink lips, still wet from the saliva of our tongues clashing together. He quickly makes his way down to my breasts, pulling at my nipples until they’re perky, leaving sloppy kisses and light bites on each one of them. He continues to work his way down until he reaches my thighs, masterfully kneading my flesh in his hands.

“Say the words and I’ll stop,” Lucifer says in full seriousness. “Or, submit to me and I’ll show you what it’s like to be taken by the most powerful archangel.” A smile tugs at his lips as he gazes at me with dark lustful eyes.

I return his gaze and give him a nod. “Please,” is all I can manage to say, my mind clouded with lust.

He wastes no time and wraps his forearms against my thighs, pulling me closer so that I may not wiggle away.

 I’m left totally and completely at his mercy.

He wets his lips with his long forked tongue, making me wetter at just the sight and dives in. 

I whine as his tongue slowly and lightly drags from just above my clit, all the way down to my aching hole, teasing my body ever so slightly. My hips involuntarily arch off the bed, desperate to feel more.

He doesn’t take kindly to my squirming and slams my hips down onto the mattress, pinning me in place with one of his strong forearms, the other wrapping around my neck and squeezing slightly. He’s very careful not to hurt me. If he wished too, he could snap my neck like a twig, right here, right now. Instead, he squeezes just light enough to restrict my oxygen and make my head go fuzzy, but still allow me to breathe.

His tongue runs circles over my clit, sending wave after wave of arousal to my core. I can practically feel myself dripping onto the satin sheets of our bed. Each split end of his tongue explores both sides of me at once, driving me crazy in ways I can’t explain, and he’s clearly enjoying the power he has over me, how he can make me into a mess with such ease.

“Luce, Luuuuuce,” I whine desperately, barely able to recognise my own voice. I squeeze down around nothing, my body craving to be filled by Lucifer in any way possible. I just need something.

Of course he picks up on this, exploiting our connection, and knows just what to do. His cold tingly grace creeps up sound my thighs and probes at my entrance.

My eyes snap open and meet his, glowing with passion.

He smirks and his grace slowly pushes into me inch by inch until I'm completely filled to the brim, rubbing against all the sensitive spots that make my mind go blank.

“Oh, fuck!” I yell, clamping down around the feeling, every nerve in my body tingling with pure pleasure and anticipation.

‘Shhh,” he coo’s, watching me intently like I'm some wounded animal in a nature documentary, and he’s the prey playing with his food before he strikes. He pulls his grace out slightly before thrusting back in, earning a deep moan from me. Experimentally, his graces pulses and thrusts in an unpredictable rhythm, leaving me completely unprepared for whatever pleasure he wishes to give me. His tongue returns to my clit, passionately swirling around sending shiver after shiver of arousal through my core.

“Luce, please! I’m gonna!” I moan, my body writhing beneath his tongue and grace. I teeter on the edge of orgasm as he takes my clit fully into his mouth and lightly sucks. “YES!” I scream, ready to let go at any second.

He pulls away with a devious smile before I’m able to fall over the edge.

“NO!” I plead with wide eyes, my body shaking in frustration as the most promising orgasm of my life was ripped away. 

“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk,” he clicks his tongue in a mocking tone. “You’ve been a bad girl today, don’t you think? Running back to the Winchesters, putting yourself in danger,” he says in a voice that parodies concern.

“I’m- I’m sorry Luce, please!” I beg for his forgiveness, giving him the best puppy dog eyes I could muster.

“Hmm…” he says, putting his finger up to his lip and looking at the ceiling, pretending to be lost in thought. “How about this, you be a good girl for me, you don’t cum without my permission, and i’ll think about letting you cum when i’m satisfied with you.”

Before I'm able to form words, he flips me over so that I'm on my knees and forearms, face pressed against the pillow, and my body on full display for him. His rough fingers trails between my wings, down my spine, leaving goosebumps in its wake until he reaches my butt. 

I hum in appreciation, trying to show my agreement with the plan.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Lucifer taunts. He lands a hard smack on my ass, surely leaving a red handprint in its place.

“Yes Luce!” I squeak, trying to keep my body still for him.

“Good girl,” he praises, striking another smack on my other cheek.

I whimper in response, my eyes glazing over with tears of pain and pleasure.

He makes his way down to my pussy, spreading it open to really admire it. “Of all my fathers creations, you, my dear, are by far the most beautiful.”

My heart swoons at his words.

Once he’s had his share, he runs his fingers over my pussy, gathering up my slick. “All of this because of me, love?” he teases. “You really are a dirty girl.” He plunges two fingers deep inside me, twisting and thrusting perfectly.

A series of moans fall from my mouth that I barely even register. It’s like my mind has gone blank and my body is completely fuzzy in the most pleasant way. Nothing else matters right now. Just Lucifer. Just me. I’m easily able to hold myself from falling off the edge until he reaches a certain spot.

“Ah!” I cry out as his fingers brush against my G-spot ever so slightly. My hips buck against his fingers, my back arching, and my wings stretching out to their full extent. I don’t have to see him to know he has that signature smirk as he watches me moan and writhe from just his fingers.

He finds that angle again and rubs over the spongy spot repeatedly, each time applying more pressure.

I grip the sheets in my hands, my knuckles completely white from gripping it so hard. I clench my muscles and close my eyes, focusing with all of my strength not to come right then and there. “Fuck! I’m gonna!” I warn, trying desperately to fight back the feeling.

“Don’t you dare fucking cum without my permission,” he hisses, grabbing a fistfull of my hair and yanking my head back, his fingers picking up their pace.

Not wanting to feel the wrath of Satan from breaking his rules, I hold back, my whole body shaking with anticipation and overwhelming pleasure. 

After what feels like an eternity, he finally removes his fingers, leaving my walls clutching around nothing.

I whine, both frustrated that I didn’t get to cum and happy that I didn’t cum without his permission,

“Good girl,” he praises, running his fingers through my silky wings in a pleasurable way. “I think you’ve earned your reward.” 

Without even a warning, he flips me onto my back and slams into me, burying his cock all the way to the hilt.

“Oh God! Feels so good!” I cry out, savoring the pain and pleasure that his thick cock provides me..

“My father has nothing to do with this,” he growls, pulling out almost all the way. “This. is. all. me,” he says, punctuating each word with a sharp thrust. “You will be praying to me from now on, do you understand?” His eyes glow red with passion and a drive for power.

“Yes, Lucifer! Anything for you,” I scream, thrusting my hips up to meet his with each stroke.

“You’re mine. All mine. A divine gift from Heaven just for me. My soulmate.” he growls, his pace picking up. 

I can feel my orgasm building as each stroke is angled just perfectly to rub against that amazing spot. My grace burns hotter and hotter by the second, reaching out to his cold one, desperate to feel them dance together once again.

He plays my body like a fine tuned instrument, and he’s putting on a symphony. 

“Yell my name, tell the world who you belong to, Y/N,” he demands with a particularly harsh stroke that sends shocks of electricity up my spine.

“LUCIFER! I BELONG TO YOU LUCIFER! NO ONE ELSE!” I scream, my throat dry from all the yelling and panting.

“Good girl,” he praises, bringing me into a passionate kiss. His grace tangles with mine, the perfect contrast in feeling bringing me to the edge, taking everything in me not to give myself over to the promising orgasm that calls my name. 

He’s close too, I can sense it.

“Cum for me beloved,” he says in a soft voice. He stares intently in my eyes, gripping my wings and twisting the feathers in the way he knows will drive me crazy.

The dam finally breaks and my orgasm washes over me like a tidal wave that pulls me under the water, drowning me in pleasure. My grace explodes outward as he does the same. The lights flicker and the room shakes, both of our eyes glowing a dazzling red. Our grace’s coil together, the electric feeling buzzing from our head to toes. This time when it settles, it doesn’t feel like two separate entities. Instead, it’s like two ends of a wire touching to complete a circuit. it finally feels whole.

Collapsing on top of me, he rolls us to our side and pulls me against his chest, gently running his fingers through my wings. He cuddles me close, holding my head to his chest as we bathe in the afterglow. I listen to his heart beating, enjoying the hum of our graces in harmony, and match my breath to his steady breathing. Everything just feels so right. 

How could I ever deny him again? He completes me. We complete each other.

“Y/N?” he asks, pulling me out of my peaceful daze.

“Hm?”

“Don’t ever leave me again,” he says in a calm but possessive voice. “Promise me that, beloved.” He wraps his wings around us like a protective cocoon, his soft feathers pleasantly grazing my bare skin.

“I’m not going anywhere.” I nuzzle my face into his chest, finding comfort in the warmth of his glowing skin. “I promise,” I assure him, closing my eyes in relaxation.

“Good,” he sighs, allowing himself to relax again.

“...I see through it all, you know,” I say, catching him slightly off guard in the sudden change of subject. “You pretend to be this evil wrathful archangel, but you’re not.”

He quietly scoffs at the notion.

“You’re just hurting. Everyone you've ever cared about has left you. Your father. Your brothers. But not me. Even the Devil deserves love. You deserve to be loved, Luce, and I'm going to be the first to show you that.”

He looks at me surprised, never having heard such kind words before. “I love you Y/N,” he says, pulling me closer.

“I love you too Luce.”

For a moment we both sit in comfortable silence. 

He stares at the ceiling, like he’s mustering up the courage to say something that’s heavy on his mind. He breaks the silence with a sigh. “I was going to give you more time to adjust, but I just can’t wait anymore.” His eyes meet mine, lighting up with anticipation. “Tomorrow we return to Hell where you will rule by my side.”

“I’m sorry, WHAT?” I snap, sitting up and looking at him with wide eyes, mouth falling agape.

“Well, I’m the King of Hell -new and improved- and naturally, that makes you my Queen,” he says in a tone way too nonchalant for the news he just dropped on me. He smiles, finding my reaction rather amusing.

I think for a moment, sitting in shock. The Queen of Hell? I’m just a girl. I don’t know the first thing about royalty, let alone ruling the forces of Hell. A thousand thoughts run across my mind at once. I ponder the idea for a moment before giving in.

“I accept.”

“Really?” He asks, clearly not expecting that answer.

“Under one condition.”

“Go on…” He says, eagerly waiting to see where I'm taking this.

“You have to stop hurting my people on earth, including the Winchesters. These are my people and I’m going to protect them for as long as I'm kicking.” I lift my head up with determination, ready to fight tooth and nail for my cause.

“A diplomat already? you’ll make a great leader,” he says with a cocky smile. He thinks for a moment and nods. “I accept.”

And with that it’s decided, for better or worse, tomorrow I become royalty.

------------------------------------------------------------

“So this is Hell?” I ask skeptically, my eyes wandering as we make our way down the winding hall toward a set of large golden doors.

“Part of it, yes.” He walks with one hand in his pocket, the other around my arm.

“It’s not exactly what I was expecting.”

Lucifer glances at me with a cocked eyebrow. “And what exactly were you expecting?”

“I mean, where's all the fire and demons with pitchforks? Shouldn’t there be a lot more screaming?”

Lucifer laughs. “Bit outdated, don't you think?” He chuckles. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the theatrics of traditional torture, but there’s other ways to torment people. We like to keep it creative.” He flashes me crazy eyes for a moment before returning his gaze to the doors we’re rapidly approaching.

“Right…” I chuckle awkwardly, still a bit freaked out about being in Hell of all places. Compared to the demons and sinners that reside here, a goody two-shoes like me sticks out like a sore thumb. I can’t help but feel like an imposter.

“Here we are,” Lucifer says, stopping at the heavy golden doors. Two demons dressed in high end suits stand tall at the doors, holding it open for the both of us and averting their eyes out of respect, or maybe fear.

“Wow,” is all I can say as I enter the room. 

The walls go as far up as the eye can see, each section illuminated by stained glass windows with the depiction of Hell's greatest hits - many of which starring Lucifer himself, no doubt to please his ego. 

Red light pours through the windows, bathing the room below in a colorful wash of crimson. The walls and floor are made of black obsidian blocks, streaks of red marble decorating them like a battle of bloodshed had just occurred. 

Half a dozen demons stand post on either side of the room, so still that they could be mistaken for statues. 

And in the middle of it all is an intimidatingly large throne made of pure gold, sculpted to resemble an army of snakes standing high above the room.

“This is incredible, Luce,” I say, turning on my heels to look around in wonder.

“Oh, my love, this is just the beginning, I have so much to show you.”

My eyes light up. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

“Buuut, we can start with this,” he motions to a section of the throne room that stands out from the rest.

Along the interior walls is an open room designed specifically for me. There are large bookshelves that tower at least 10 feet in the air with the library of books he had accumulated at the house, my favorite books organized in alphabetical order, as well as a large red velvet chair to read them in. 

Hundreds of records line the walls, each of them an album that I've enjoyed at one time or another, some that I'd even forgotten about, accompanied by an old fashioned record player playing a classic that I've listened to a hundred times over; “I came back to let you know, got a thing for you and I can’t let go.” I hum along to the music, swaying my hips ever so slightly as I explore the rest of the area.

Most surprisingly, is a shelf dedicated to hundreds of trinkets from throughout my life. The seashells I collected on my road trip through the west coast. A little clay bird I sculpted as a child and gifted to my mother. The floral porcelain teacup I drank out of religiously as I studied for finals. And even the diamond ring that’s been in my family for ages.

“How- how did you get all this?,” I ask, my eyes sweeping over everything, discovering new clever details and secrets.

“I have my ways,” he says ominously. “I knew you’d like it.” He smiles, puffing his wings out in pride. He takes my hand and guides me to the towering throne. He takes a seat, propping himself in a pose that demands respect, and pulls me onto his lap with ease.

I relax against him, resting my head on his shoulder and crossing my legs. I run my hand over his fingers, mindlessly toying with them as I find myself lost in thought.

“This is so much better with you here. It just feels right,” he says with a satisfied sigh, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me closer to his chest.

“Yeah, surprisingly, it does.” 

“Makes you wonder if this was God’s plan all along?” He smirks. “That old bastard finally did something right.”

“He does work in mysterious ways,” I chuckle, having that lesson slammed in my face over the past few months of my life. I snuggle into his chest with little care for what the demons may think, it would be a deathwish for them to even look my way without permission.

“This calls for a celebratory drink, don’t you think?” He winks. Putting his fingers up to his mouth, he whistles so loud that it leaves my ears ringing.

After a few moments a stocky man begrudgingly walks into the room carrying a tray of drinks. He has short dark hair and well groomed facial hair that suits his jaw nicely. He wears an all black suit with a gray tie and a look on his face that screams ‘I’d rather be anywhere but here’. He stops in front of the throne, squinting his eyes and sending Lucifer a glare that could kill, but he doesn’t dare step out of line.

Lucifer beckons with two fingers, motioning for the man to step closer and hand out the two fancy glasses of amber liquid.

He clenches his jaw, but reluctantly hands Lucifer his drink. His face is flushed a light shade of red, practically fuming with anger and humiliation. 

“Good puppy,” Lucifer snarks with a devious smile.

The man looks like he’s fighting the urge to strangle Lucifer with his bare hands but decides against it, as anyone who values their life would. He hands me my glass with less anger, looking more intrigued with me than anything. 

“Thank you…?” I give him a questioning look, waiting for him to introduce himself.

“Crowley,” he states, straightening his posture and giving me an enchanting look. “At your service, my dear.” He takes my hand and lightly kisses the back of it. There’s a sort of charm to him I can’t explain.

I smile back politely, happy that I may have a new friend in this dreary place.

“That’s enough of that,” Lucifer sighs, and with the flick of his wrist the man goes flying across the room, hitting the wall with a loud smack. Blood drips from the back of his head, but it doesn’t seem to phase him much.

“Lucifer!” I scold him, lightly hitting him on the chest.

“Don’t mind him, he’s still in training.” He rolls his eyes and continues our conversation like he hadn’t just hurled someone across the room. 

“This is too us.” He lifts his glass in a toast. “To eternity.”

“To eternity,” I repeat, clinking our glasses together with a smile.

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[mittensmorgul]

As Above, So Below

I’m still trying to pinpoint exactly why the focus on “heaven is fixed and actually a paradise now!” is just so deeply unsatisfying to me. And I think I need to preface this with a bit of backstory about me, because I think that gives the rest of this essay some relevant context.

I know this isn’t relevant to my main point here, but this is a metatextual and thematically identical example of the exact thing I’m gonna lay out, because context is always helpful. So please forgive this seemingly irrelevant detour, because I promise it will be relevant by the end.

(plus, would it really be an Essay By Mittens™ without at least one baffling tangent? no, it would not!)

Tangent time!

I think everyone that follows me knows how skeptical I was... or should I say how WARY I was of the way Eileen was returned to the narrative this season. We were warned in the PREVIOUS EPISODE how much Chuck was attempting to interfere in their lives. I was accused of some very nasty things, of hating the ship, or hating the character of Eileen, or of hating Sam and not wanting them to be happy. No amount of pointing at obvious warning signs in the text, no amount of yelling about Sam’s God Wound or the absolute klaxon warning that the wound had become “quiet” and his Chuck-O-Vision Nightmares had apparently stopped seemed to matter. I was declared “wrong” and told to shut up.

And then 15.09 happened, and basically everything I’d been wary of was shown to be what actually happened, but there were still unresolved issues. Eileen doubted her own feelings and walked away. She doubted what was actually real. And at the time, I said many times that I would be thrilled to see those issues resolved by the end of the season, and for her to truly know that what she’d felt growing between her and Sam was real. And by the end of the season, despite my personal horror at her previous situation (and having that personal horror compounded by the fandom literally gaslighting me and attempting to bully me into ignoring this basic actual plot detail of this specific growth process which... in the context of what my personal objection was to accepting her return at face value in the first place having been personal trauma associated with gaslighting and manipulation...) by the time 15.18 aired, I was 100% convinced that Sam and Eileen had fully chosen each other, and felt the traumatic pain Sam suffered during that text conversation with her during the snap. She NEEDED to come back, because she had been set up to be part of Sam’s Win. They were clearly each other’s future.

The show literally put in all the work to make even *me* feel this to be True and Right and Good. And then after that point we never even hear Eileen’s name again. We never were told that she was even returned at the end of 15.19. Sam, who had been so entirely devastated by her disappearance in the previous episode that he couldn’t even process it was apparently hit with an amnesia hammer and just... never even thought about her again through a long greyscale life with a blurry baby Dean factory vaguely in the background of a single scene of his life. I can’t credit or justify how after an entire year invested in making us all truly care about Sam and Eileen and the happiness they found in each other if only the cosmos would allow them to choose each other in the end would just... erase all of that in the series finale.

Which brings me to the second tangent, which is specifically about *me,* and how I feel about the cosmic order in the television show Supernatural. Because I feel a lot about it. Probably more than most people ever did. And this is also important to understanding the main underlying point I need to make here.

Something I’ve been most looking forward to, for YEARS, about Supernatural eventually ending someday was writing a book, or a thesis, or even just organizing and compiling all my observations into a cohesive narrative specifically about the cosmology of the Supernatural universe. I’ve been cobbling together my observations and realizations about the nature of heaven, hell, purgatory, the empty, the alternate universes we’ve seen, and yes, even the cosmic function of the mundane level of the story as told by events that transpired on Earth. So of everyone watching this dumb show for the last 15 years, I don’t actually know anyone who cared more that I did about finding a satisfactory resolution and transformation of every plane of existence-- the mortal world AND the “afterlife realms” we’ve experienced on this show. And in the wake of the finale, I feel cheated out of that. Because in the end, it wasn’t about the triumph of free will and a flip of the script, it was just more of the same.

And now that I have those two preliminaries out of the way, I’ll finally get to the point. :’D

(hooray, it didn’t even take 1k words to get there for once!)

The “main stage” of Supernatural has always been Earth. It’s always been “Humanity.” At the very start, we meet two men whose lives had always been dictated to them by higher powers. At first, that “higher power” was their father who raised them in his vengeance mission, who trained them to hunt the supernatural. It was the inciting incident of the entire series, after all, their realization that forces outside of their control had irrevocably altered the course of their lives. It had forever torn down what they’d trusted in family, in personal safety, and would become something they couldn’t outrun or fight back against for long before another wave of cosmic discord would settle over them once more.

We watched this story play out in ever increasing spheres of cosmic significance, until Gabriel laid it out on the table for them in the simplest possible terms (in 5.08).

GABRIEL: You do not know my family. What you guys call the apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner. That's why there's no stopping this, because this isn't about a war. It's about two brothers that loved each other and betrayed each other. You'd think you'd be able to relate. SAM: What are you talking about? GABRIEL: You sorry sons of bitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it. Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father, and Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy's plan. You were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! It was always you! As it is in heaven, so it must be on earth. One brother has to kill the other. DEAN: What the hell are you saying? GABRIEL: Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always. A long pause. SAM and DEAN look down, then at each other. DEAN: No. That's not gonna happen. GABRIEL: I'm sorry. But it is. GABRIEL sighs. GABRIEL: Guys. I wish this were a TV show. Easy answers, endings wrapped up in a bow...but this is real, and it's gonna end bloody for all of us. That's just how it's gotta be. ***

And isn’t that all even 1000x more painfully ironic that it all still happened even 10 years later? It was always going to end with them. And lol, “I wish this were a TV show” because if it was then it wouldn’t have to end bloody.

But this… was a Major Acknowledgement that the meta level of this story was consistent, and was telling us something important. It demonstrated that the Cosmic Structure Itself was the cause for Sam and Dean’s “destiny” in this story. But that’s not what the point of this story has ever been.

Nobody (including me, who is literally obsessed with this aspect of the story) has ever invested themselves in the narrative of Supernatural because they cared about the fate of the cosmic order over and above the fate of the characters who had committed to overthrowing it all, to “tearing up the pages” and writing their own destinies. I mean, we became invested because Sam, Dean, and Cas as characters took us by the hand and invited us to come along with them as they battled against fate for the good of EARTH and HUMANITY.

And certainly, Heaven being a horrific sort of eternal replay of the “highlights” of individual souls greatest hits, where free will didn’t apply as everyone was just boxed away into their individual holodecks to serve as some sort of giant Heaven Battery powering the furtherance of this narrative, this “cosmic order” that had become so powerful it dictated the events and manipulated the lives of people who still existed in the ostensible realm of free will and human life on Earth… that couldn’t stand in the end. But what the narrative (and people I’ve seen attempting to justify the finale as narratively sensible) seems to have forgotten was that all of that was Chuck’s construct to begin with. That without Chuck holding his kingdom in Heaven together, the walls of all those soul cubicles ceased to even be relevant.

After spending their entire lives to this point constantly fighting their way to the absolute pinnacle of the As Above, So Below narrative and pulling the plug on the original creator himself, Humanity should’ve triumphed. And I’d argue that it DID, through Jack restoring the missing essential “humanity” to the divine condition. And, silly me, I thought they’d achieved the promise of “paradise” heralded by Jack’s birth at last, and truly “flipped the entire script of the narrative.”

Ever since they thwarted the original apocalypse, I had hope that they would continue to achieve the same result right up the ladder. Metatron trying to fill the role of Chuck Junior hit his own narrative wall in TFW, while Dean’s battle with the Mark of Cain, and Cain telling him he was “living my life in reverse” and would succumb to destiny by killing his loved ones in the “reverse order” to Cain’s own path to downfall cemented this for me. Dean not only failed to kill any of his loved ones (you didn’t kill your own brother. why?), he SAVED them. He didn’t fulfil the prophecy in reverse, he subverted it. He UNMADE it.

Perhaps I was thinking on too grand a scale, that the ultimate inversion wouldn’t be “God is overthrown and replaced by more of the same,” but “God is overthrown and the entire order of the universe is restructured from the bottom up rather than the top down.

I’d hoped against hope that the conclusion of the narrative would be “As below, so above,” with the fundamental power of human love becoming the new foundation of the cosmic order. It never even occurred to me that “taking back the narrative to rewrite it for ourselves” was not the ultimate goal of Team Free Will, or the ultimate expression of their biggest win.

This whole “well heaven really needed to be rebuilt, there was still work to be done!” seems… irrelevant to me if they’d truly won free of the cosmic narrative. The entire structure of the universe-- including Heaven and Hell-- should’ve defaulted to the paradise state that Jack was literally born to bring to fruition. Wasn’t that the point of his entire role in the story, ultimately?

And if that wasn’t the case in the end, why did we never learn the fate of Hell? Was it just… irrelevant and unchanged after this? Or just… abandoned as a concept entirely? It’s just strange to me to put such a focus on heaven being the sole sphere of import in the end that it undercuts the essential humanity of the narrative for me.

The story itself had kept Heaven on a back burner for years, only occasionally mentioning that the structure of the place was falling further and further into disrepair with a dwindling force of angels struggling to keep the walls in place at all, that it seems like it could’ve been an afterthought at the end of the series rather than a focus so large it required the death of both main characters to make sure we all understood that Heaven Had Changed Now. Because TFW had never been fighting to make Heaven right. They’d been fighting to save the world itself, for humanity to all have a chance to live their lives as their own.

And we didn’t need to see that in the final hope they might get their own lives on Earth to explore. In the end, the fundamental narrative that Life On Earth was dictated by the cosmic structure of creation was never fully subverted. And for me, that’s the main reason I just… can’t accept the finale. It wasn’t a victory of free will and humanity, in the end it was just more of the same.

I appreciate the attempts to take the essential bones of the story we did get and apply a different polish to the surface of the skeleton, but to me it still feels like we’re looking at completely different beasts in the end. Like… to me this was as jarring a revelation as those drawing of modern animals reimagined as dinosaurs entirely based on their skeletons. Like, all along the narrative told me I was looking at a swan. They told me this skeleton they’re building out from is definitely a swan, without a doubt.  I know what a swan looks like-- a graceful feather-covered bird with magnificent wings. I trusted that in the end it would be at least remotely swan-looking. And then the finale ended up looking like this

and I just don’t even know where everything went so wrong. Or maybe all along I just assumed they actually knew what a swan looked like, but weren’t sure they could actually pull it off and settled for whatever the heck this is instead. Either way, I’m actually kinda grateful to the finale for being so entirely disappointing on every level, because otherwise I probably would’ve tried to adopt the monstrosity of it anyway. And I’m really, really glad I don’t have to.

[inacatastrophicmind]

15x12 coda

It’s been almost an hour since they went to bed, but Dean is still unable to fall asleep. His mind can’t stop replaying Billie’s words, studying every single one of them over and over again, worrying about that destiny she spoke of.

“You can stop pretending that you’re asleep,” Castiel murmurs.

Dean sighs and opens his eyes. He knew that he couldn’t fool Cas; after all, the angel doesn’t need to sleep. He might close his eyes and pretend to sleep for Dean’s sake, because it is creepy to have someone looking how you sleep for hours, but Cas always knows when Dean is sleeping, when he is pretending, and when he is dreaming.

“Do you want to talk about what’s keeping you awake?” Castiel asks softly. His fingers start brushing Dean’s hair, and Dean can’t help letting out a relieved sigh; Cas’ touches always calm down his anxieties. “Or do you want a distraction?”

Dean manages to make a tiny smile. He loves how Cas never forces him to talk and always gives him a choice. Dean still struggles with talking about things, but Cas makes things easier. He always listens and doesn’t judge, but most important, he doesn’t ridicule Dean for feeling things.

His hand moves until he finds Cas’ free hand and they lace their fingers. After a tiny silence, Dean says, “I’m thinking about what Billie said. About our destiny.”

He keeps his eyes on their joined hands, watching how his thumb moves in circles over Castiel’s skin. The angel waits patiently and silently for Dean to continue, giving him the time he needs.

“Every time someone says that it’s our destiny to do something, terrible things happen and we lose too much,” Dean finally says. “It doesn’t matter what we do or what we choose, things are going to be fucked up. All because it’s our fucking destiny.”

Dean lets out an exasperated breath and clenches his jaw.

“You don’t believe in destiny,” Castiel says. “You never have.”

“I don’t,” Dean admits. “But freaking Death believes so. She claims that our destiny is already written, and that’s worrying.”

“She might claim that, but in the end, we are the only ones who can write our own destiny.”

At those words, Dean lifts his eyes and meets Castiel’s blue ones.

“We’ve been doing that for over a decade,” Castiel adds, giving Dean a soft smile.

“That’s kind of true,” Dean admits, mirroring the smile. “We’ve always told destiny to fuck off.” He chuckles at that and Castiel makes a lovely smile. “But still, bad things happen when our supposed destiny is involved. And I’m— I’m scared.” He lets go of Cas’ hand and he cups his face. “I don’t want to lose anyone else. I don’t want to lose you again.”

Castiel grabs Dean’s hand and kisses his palm. “Everything will be alright, Dean.”

“You don’t know that.”

“No, I don’t. But I have faith in that.”

Dean lets out a bitter chuckle. “Faith? Really? It’s kind of ironic that you claim to have faith when we’re trying to kill God.”

Castiel frowns at that. “I don’t need God to have faith. My faith stopped being placed on Chuck a long time ago. My faith is placed on you, Dean. It has been like that for years.”

Dean looks at Cas, feeling how his cheeks heat up with his blush. While Dean’s eyes are filled with disbelief, Castiel’s are filled with certainty.

“Cas, I’m not the right person to put your faith on,” Dean says, feeling ashamed.

“You have given me thousands of reasons to place my faith on you, Dean,” Castiel says, determined.

Dean is about to disagree, but Castiel shushes him by kissing him.

“I’m not letting you argue about this,” Castiel murmurs after pulling away.

“You need to stop kissing me when we disagree on something,” Dean protests. “It’s not fair.”

“I only do it when your self-loathing makes you irrational.”

Dean rolls his eyes, but Castiel smiles softly again and Dean can’t help softening at that.

“We’ve made it this far,” Castiel murmurs as he cups Dean’s cheek. The hunter leans onto the touch and keeps his eyes locked with Castiel’s. “We can make it a little bit further.”

Dean still has his doubts, but he wants to believe in Cas’ words. He simply nods and leans so he can capture Castiel’s lips with his and kiss again.

“Okay,” Dean says after pulling away. “Fuck destiny.”

Castiel grins and they kiss again.

[flappi22]

15.18 vs 15.20: a two speeches's confrontation

In the last episodes of Supernatural we have two big goodbye-speeches (Cas&Dean's), both leading to a main character's death, with both of them choosing to say goodbye by saying something not strictly about them but more about the person they're leaving behind: Cas talks about Dean, Dean about Sam. And these are two very important moments for the show, Cas and Dean's final moments with us, they should both be monumental, they should both carry the same amount of honesty and raw emotions and the "yeah, this is so right for them" reaction from the audience, but they don't. One works, the other doesn't. At all. Simply as that. But why? What's the big difference between them?

Cas's speech is a gift for them both, it's freedom for him and validation for Dean, it's a moment of truth and growth. It adds something, it doesn't take away. Dean's speech destroys everything, leaves just pain and despair and no hope for the future. Not for Dean, not for Sam.

When Dean is dying and he is speaking to Sam in the barn (10 minutes of a frankly anticlimactic speech they should have used for, you know, call an ambulance maybe?-but whatever) he decides to use his last moments to praise Sam by devaluing himself, destroying years of self-acceptance and character development, years of choosing life and love over trauma and death.

It's a last elogy to Sam and Dean's copendency, copendency they finally managed to resolve in their adult years, building a solid, healthier and more balanced relationship. It's a speech out of time, out of context and out of character. This isn't Dean. This isn't Sam. For the first time ever I almost didn't recognize our boys.

Dean doesn't say I'm proud of us, he says I'm proud of you. He says that his life is meaningless and he's just a burden and he should die because he doesn't deserve a life, but Sam does, he's dying and he tells his brother "this is good, let this happen because without me you can finally have the perfect and happy life only you deserve". He looks at Sam and says "you are the only good thing that I've ever done and now my job is over, there's nothing more for me here and dying is the last thing for me left to do". And... wow. I don't even know where to start. I could feel in my bones how wrong all of this was the moment Dean started speaking the first (and only) time I saw the episode.

Not only the pacing of the scene was someway off, the speech fairly too long and irrealistic for someone who claims that he's dying and there's nothing to do about it, the words flat and empty (remember the beauty of the "there's nothing past or present that I would put in front of you" in Sacrifice? Dean's monologue when Sam first died in season 2? The simple but so so powerful "I'm proud of us" in season 9?). And the really awkward forehead touch that you just know that's not them (Sam& Dean are both pretty psychical with each other in a life and death situation, they hug, they touch their face or their arms, they carry each other, but not that, that's just not their kind of intimacy, and after fifteen years watching them you just know it). Not only all of that, but the horrible and very dangerous truth this story wants to communicate: Dean is tired and is giving up, and Sam lets him.

There's no peace in this scene, no closure, there's just pain, fear, discomfort, self-hate and a death-wish that, in the end, finally wins.

And you can feel that not everyone was on board with this choice. Jensen is an amazing actor, we all know that. He did his best with the material he had, his acting was on point, but his heart wasn't in it. It was obviously an important moment for him, and he did good because Dean deserved a proper goodbye, because Sam&Dean's last scene should have been epic, because he's a damn good actor and he's always professional, but we all know by now that he probably hated this ending, and if he felt even half of the hurt and disappointment we still feel now well, it probably wasn't pretty, it had to hurt and you can see it in his acting.

I didn't cry at all during that moment. And I'm still mad they took that away from me. My favourite character is dying, my favourite show is over and I can't even cry. If you fail to get an emotional response from your more invested fans on your last episode of a 15 years show then you probably did something very very wrong and that's it.

But when Cas is speaking to Dean, he's shining. He speaks with confidence, his words are fearless and yet we have never seen him so open and vulnerable before. He cries but there's strength in those tears, there's joy, there's so much feeling, and you look at him and you cry too, because the intensity of those emotions are just so overwhelming, so raw, so real. He's proud of what he's doing, proud of the courage it took to finally be able to say out loud what he's feeling and how much he loves, how much he adores the man in front of him. He speaks about Dean and he tells him that he's worth it, worth of his love, of everything good this life has to offer. He brings up all Dean's more profound fears and he destroys them one by one, validating him, their bond and the feelings he's showing at the same time. It's beautiful, heartbreakingly beautiful. Such an honest and refreshing moment. Yes, there's sadness, there's pain, but the whole scene, the words, the pacing, how they look at each other, the music, all of this is just right. You can feel it. It's perfect. Cas dies by speaking his truth, freeing himself and them both from the restrains that years of silence brought on them, using this moment to cherish the man he loves, to make him see how much he deserves this adoration, how much his life is worth it, how much their lifes are worth it.

Cas's sacrifice is a choice, he's not saying "I want to die", he's saying "every moment with you was already a gift, I'm happy with just being with you and feel what I feel, but if this is what it takes to save you once again I'll do it in a heartbeat". He doesn't want to dismiss the importance of his life, he celebrates the power and the beauty of such feelings, this confession brings him, brings us, happiness and hope. In the end love (and therefore life) is stronger than Death, stronger than God, stronger than destiny.

It's this love that has saved them, hundreds of times and in a lot of different ways.

And you can feel how much Misha wanted this, how much he believed this was right for Cas, how much heart he put in this performance. How proud they were, artistically speaking, of the execution of this scene. I can see why they fought this hard to make this happen. I can see why Jensen wanted an unedited version of this scene on his phone. This is one of the best piece of writing Supernatural has ever had, and Jensen knows it. He's an amazing actor, he's a director, he has a great artistic mind and he's very smart when it comes to storytelling, what works and what not, not just on screen with his character but also behind the camera. I'm sure he was enthusiastic about this, the possibility of doing something so different and brave, something he knew it was artistically good and so important for the legacy of the show. Of course, how they threat them after this moment is horrible, cruel, disrespectful and unnecessary but I won't talk about it here, not again.

Two monologues, two goodbyes, two episodes apart, same actors and the feeling that you're watching two different shows.

That's what happens when you completely disregard the direction your story is going and all the development your characters went through in favour of senseless plot-twists for drama's sake and an ending coherent with your first season, but guess what? You did other 300 episodes after that, and maybe, maybe something has changed. You don't need shock in your last episode, because shock means unexpected, means a change of direction, and you can't have that when you reached the finish line. Your story is already written, it's already over, the audience knows where it's going and that's okay, because what you need is closure, is that sense of peace and satisfaction it comes with seeing your characters exactly where they should be, dead or alive in this case doesn't matter, it's the how that's important. It's keeping their values intact, following the last steps of their development, being faithful to the very core of the show:

Carry on my wayward son, there will be peace when you're done. Always keep fighting. Family don't end with blood. Team Free Will.

With the 15x18 they nearly did it. It was all there. The final episodes burned all away. Unapologetically, cruelly. An unnecessary and meaningless total mess.

[ourimpavidheroine]

You always post your writing soundtracks. Mind sharing your top ten albums with us?

I actually laughed when I read this because I’m thinking of the Anon who complained that all of my music was OLD. I mean. I’m old! What did you expect?

Never mind me, I’m easily amused. Thank you for using the word album so I would not feel like Lady Danbury with my lethal cane.

Yes, sure I can do that! I don’t know that these are my forever and ever amen top ten, but they are the ones that are coming to mind right now. So.

Under a cut, it’s long. 

In no particular order.

Brutal Youth - Elvis Costello

My ex-husband was in love with Elvis Costello and who could blame him? The man is a genius lyricist. This is not one of his more commercially popular albums but I love every single track. (I also lined up at Ticketmaster in Oakland, CA when the man was touring in order to get tickets for my ex. I got there at midnight and spent the night, meeting a group of drag queens who were getting tickets to see Barbara Streisand. God, that was a fun night, we ate donuts one of them went on a donut run for and sang showtunes for hours. One of my favorite memories.) This verse, from Clown Strike, is one that has resonated with me since I first heard it.

Tell me what you want of me Or are you terrified of failure? You put on a superstitious face Behind all this paraphernalia We're not living in a masquerade Where you only have three wishes It isn't easy to see In a lifetime of mistaken kisses

Unrepentant Geraldines - Tori Amos

I remember the first time I heard a Tori Amos song. It was the summer directly after I’d graduated from college, I was driving my ex-husband’s car and Silent All These Years came on the radio and I was just fucking gobsmacked. I bought Little Earthquakes that day and haven’t looked back. I have all her albums. I am a big, big fan.

Unrepentant Geraldines, though. God. It came out the year before my wife died and it got me through her death. The song Weatherman is about a man losing his wife, and how he sees her in the nature surrounding him. 

And. 

No, sorry, I can’t write more about this, not right now. But I sing it to her sometimes. 

He is not a weatherman But his bride lies with the land And she will whisper to him I'll be dressing up in snow Cloaked in echo it's almost As if only Nature knows How to paint his wife to life With every season's tone "One more look from her eyes One more look can you paint her back to life"

Ray of Light - Madonna

This album got me through my divorce from my ex-husband. I’d go out every single day during my lunch hour, this on my walkman, and walk and walk and walk until I got myself in enough control to go back and finish my work day. It’s a great album and I still listen to it a lot. It empowers me. And then my daughter was born and Ray of Light has always been her song to me, even though that wasn’t the song on the album that Madonna herself wrote for her daughter.

Faster than the speeding light she's flying Trying to remember where it all began She's got herself a little piece of heaven Waiting for the time when Earth shall be as one And I feel like I just got home And I feel And I feel like I just got home And I feel

Seven and the Ragged Tiger - Duran Duran

This one was a difficult choice. For one thing, I really love their album Big Thing, which almost nobody’s heard about but one I love deeply. This one though...I think it’s the memories, including going to see them at the Oakland Coliseum with my cousin during their tour for this album and finding out they were partially filming the video for The Reflex that night. I like to think of us as being one of those girls in the audience. (Although I wasn’t screaming. I am a Capricorn. Have some dignity.) Duran Duran were responsible for my first fanfic and I’ve had a love for them since my Dad bought me their first album for my 13th birthday. I am nothing if not loyal. I have all of their early albums, all of their 12″ singles, too, including Secret Oktober, which I have always loved with a passion.

Also, Roger Taylor can still get it.

Freefall on a windy morning shore nothing but a fading track of footsteps Could prove that you never been there Spoken on a cotton cloud like the sound of gunshot taken by the wind And lost in distant thunder racing on a shining plain And tomorrow you'll be content to watch as the lightning plays along the wires and you'll wonder

Touch - Eurythmics

Another band I still love and listen to on the regular. Annie Lennox could sing me the telephone book and I’d be thrilled. Seeing her at age 14 in the Sweet Dreams video for the first time in my Grandmother’s living room quite literally woke something in me that led to moving across the world for a woman years later. (GOD.) I have all of their albums and choosing a favorite is difficult but this one won by a narrow margin, if only for the song Regrets, which is one of the songs that describes me until I became a mother, really. Like I RESONATED with that song. Still does in certain ways, if I am being truthful to myself.

I've got a delicate mind I've got a dangerous nature And my fist collides With your furniture I've got a delicate mind I've got a dangerous nature And my fist collides With your furniture I'm an electric wire And I'm stuck inside your head

Combat Rock - The Clash

Ah, teenage Impavid first understanding that music can also be political. Listen, I didn’t know much about what was going on outside of my own miniscule sphere - I was young and the internet didn’t exist yet. We got what news we got from our local paper and TV stations and they weren’t really reporting on what was happening in the world, not in 1982, let me fucking assure you. I got this album because my Dad was a part time DJ at a radio station that played mostly country music and the general manager of the station would just toss the rest of the non-country albums they’d get as promotions. My Dad would bring them home to me to listen to. You can imagine thirteen year old me listening to this album that opened with “This is a public service announcement - with guitars!” going WHAT THE FUCK? Let me just say there were a lot of trips to the library to read various newspapers after that.

Not to mention Rock the Casbah. What was a muezzin? I had no idea. I spent half a year reading books about Islam, about the Middle East and Northern Africa, which led to a curiosity about other religions beyond the Roman Catholicism in which I’d been raised, about other cultures as well. This album and The Color Purple by Alice Walker were the two things in my teen years that woke me the fuck up.

Now the king told the boogie men You have to let that raga drop The oil down the desert way Has been shakin' to the top The sheik he drove his Cadillac He went a' cruisin' down the ville The muezzin was a' standing On the radiator grille

Synchronicity - The Police

This fucking album. This fucking album. This album reached deep down into me and pulled out my soul and kicked it around for awhile. Every single song on this album hit me like a brick wall. Still does. Most likely always will.

Listen, you either like King of Pain or you live it. There’s no in between.

There's a little black spot on the sun today It's the same old thing as yesterday There's a black hat caught in a high tree top There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop I have stood here before inside the pouring rain With the world turning circles running 'round my brain. I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign, But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...

Sign O’ The Times - Prince 

The soundtrack to my University days. Jesus, it starts out with “In France a skinny man died of a big disease with a little name,” and it just keeps going. Pain, sex, wonder, glory, politics, love. It’s all there. I wore the vinyl out on this one. Amazing, amazing album. In fact, I still play it so often my kids practically know it by heart, and they don’t even like Prince!

To this day I think If I Was Your Girlfriend is the sexiest song ever written.

I will tell you this much: Sayuri’s main writing soundtrack song is Starfish and Coffee off the album, the same song I used to sing my kids as a lullaby. This should tell you a lot about her.

Cynthia wore the prettiest dress With different color socks Sometimes I wondered if the mates where in her lunchbox Me and Lucy opened it when Cynthia wasn't around Lucy cried, I almost died, U know what we found? Starfish and coffee Maple syrup and jam Butterscotch clouds, a tangerine And a side order of ham If U set your mind free, honey Maybe you'd understand Starfish and coffee Maple syrup and jam

Nina Simone Sings The Blues - Nina Simone

This was one of my Daddy’s albums. He loved it and so did I. As a child I just loved the sound of her voice - something in it both soothed me and pulled at me, made me want to run and just keep running. She still makes me feel like that. If you don’t know Nina Simone I urge you to change that, right now. There’s nobody at all like her. She’s irreplaceable. All of her material is good, not just her blues songs. Not to mention, she was an absolute brilliant genius at the piano, never mind the strength she had as a Black woman in a time when doors were shut in her face on a daily basis. Seriously. Read about her.

When I became a woman, of course, her songs took on a much deeper meaning for me, one that I could relate to. Isn’t that the hallmark of a good album, though? One that stays with you and changes with you? I think so.

If you’ve never heard her cover of I Put A Spell On You then do yourself a favor and go right now and listen. You’re welcome.

Oh and Buck from this album? Nuo to Wing, right there.

Also one of the sexiest songs ever written, this one. Especially how she sings it. The Hot Frenchman (have I ever told you about The Hot Frenchman? no? OH BOY THERE’S A STORY) told me he thought it was about drugs and I was like, honey, this tells me a whole lot about you, more than you probably wanted it to.

I want a little sugar In my bowl I want a little sweetness Down in my soul I could stand some lovin' Oh so bad I feel so funny and I feel so sad I want a little steam On my clothes Maybe I can fix things up So they'll go Whatsa matter Daddy Come on, save my soul I need some sugar in my bowl I ain't foolin' I want some sugar in my bowl

I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got - Sinéad O’Connor

This is a beautiful album, full of pain and joy, her hallmark. She sings every single word with everything in her; she’s far too intense for many, many people (and while she’s been open with her mental health struggles I’ve often wondered if she isn’t somewhere on the spectrum as well) but never for me. Her raw honesty has always appealed to me. She’s political, she’s a lover, a mother, a survivor of horrific abuse, someone who keeps reinventing herself as a way to find her way through pain. I always feel, when I am listening to her music, that I am bearing witness. I’m not afraid of pain; I’ve survived it as well. This album, one of her oldest, is still my favorite.

The line “You used to hold my hand when the plane took off” is the most evocative lyric I have ever heard with regards to the ending of love. It’s a punch to the heart - she felt it and she shared it with us, her fragile heart in her palms. Oh, Sinéad.

This is the last day of our acquaintance I will meet you later in somebody's office I'll talk but you won't listen to me I know what your answer will be I know you don't love me anymore You used to hold my hand when the plane took off Two years ago there just seemed so much more And I don't know what happened to our love

[cogentranting]

7, 13, 14 for SPN ask game

Thanks!

7. 

I think that there’s a lot about the season 5 ending that is sort of tighter and cleaner-- the season arcs all flow one to the other very naturally  so that the themes and the character arcs and plot feel very unified and well thought through. And the seasons after season 5 don’t have that same level of unity and foresight. And I think that the first five seasons present a very clear, fairly simple, and satisfying arc for Dean and him getting a sort of happily ever after with Lisa and Ben and a normalcy he never could even admit that he wanted. So on the one hand I think season 5 is a good ending on most counts. Sam sacrificing himself in a final defiant triumph over the destiny that everyone has predicted for him for so long, is also I think a really good crowning moment. But you’re also presented with the problem of the aftermath not being a satisfying ending. I’m totally fine with characters dying but your options with Sam would be dying and going to Hell to be tortured by Lucifer forever (not a good ending), leaving it on an ambiguous note of Sam’s back but how and does he reunite with Dean or... ? (not a satisfying ending because it is way too ambiguous and pretty much any prediction of how it plays out casts the rest of the ending into doubt too), or you send him to Heaven and at that stage in the show that’s not even a good either. 

Add on to that all the things that would have been lost if the second 2/3rds of the show weren’t there and I end up really favoring the season 15 ending. I think Sam and Dean get such a chance to mature and grow and regain some balance in their life after that point and all that makes such a difference. And I really do like how things ended. 

BUT I might move that ending we got and make it a season SIXTEEN ending. Not from a position of “I didn’t want it to end yet” but because of how the end date affected a couple arcs. While I like the season 15 ending, I thought season 15 as a whole was pretty lackluster. There was a lot of missed potential, a few things I really didn’t like, and overall just not that much that I was particularly attached to. But season 14 had so much potential. Dean being possessed by Michael, the Malak box, Jack losing his soul. But all of that fell short in the last handful of episodes, and my theory is that came as a result of deciding to end with season 15 and meant that they had to switch gears into setting up that final season arc which I think they’d been holding in reserve for a bit. So Michael ends up being kind of anticlimactic, Jack losing his soul happens and then never really gets fully dealt with because season 15 didn’t seem to want to dive into all those complicated emotions .  But if there was one more season, season 14 could have ended with a big confrontation with Michael-- allowing more of the consequences of what Dean went through with Michael at the beginning of the season to be felt, more resolution for what it meant for Dean to try to cage Michael himself, the consequences of choosing not to use the Malak box (and why Billie was so sure that was the ONLY way), another appearance of Michael Dean (who I really enjoyed), and then have Jack lose his soul at the end. Then you have all of season 15 to deal with what that means, letting maybe the moment when Jack goes completely off the rails happen around midseason and then at least half a season to work on fixing the relationship between Jack and Sam and Dean (especially Dean). Then you could even end season 15 with Jack still dying, and being brought back part way through season 16 then regaining his soul, all the same, But that final season wouldn’t have the burden of trying to fix the damaged relationship. It would just be there. Because my least favorite part of the last season is that it doesn’t do nearly enough to fix the relationship between Jack and Dean.  So yeah. Give season 14 more breathing room. Then copy and paste 15x20′s ending but put it onto the end of season 16. 

13. My favorite arc is probably the Mark of Cain. Which is a long arc since it’s a full season and a half, but I really like how all of it plays out. I think it’s really interesting to dive into that darker side of Dean that has been present since season 1 (I think of the end of the season, him telling Sam that it scared him how he didn’t hesitate to kill the possessed man in order to save Sam and John, and that he’s scared of how far he would go for either of them) and that just kind of kept getting amplified over the seasons, with his time in Hell, and then really became even stronger after how he had to live in Purgatory for a year. But the Mark of Cain stuff draws on it in this really interesting way of making it a curse on him and while simultaneously pulling Dean down into the worst, darkest, most twisted version of himself (which is so fun to see), it also highlights a lot about what is best about Dean-- how strong he is in fighting against the Mark, how deeply he wants to do the right thing and protect people, the force of his determination, how much he cares and how intensely he feels the weight of every time he ends up hurting someone. And it confronts this image of himself that Hell and Purgatory and everything in between have given him that he is dark and damaged and a killer and warrior and that’s it but ultimately makes all about how much he is willing to sacrifice to protect the people around him (especially Sam) and about everyone else around him-- Sam, Cas, Charlie, even Crowley-- loving him so much that they’d go to the ends of the Earth and cross all these lines just to save Dean. It’s one long extended character study of so much of what I find fascinating about Dean and it’s dripping with angst and I love it.  I also really like the arc in season 2 of Dean coming to terms with the fact that his father died for him. The arc where Jack is dying is really good too, because I love seeing Sam and Dean and Cas being paternal. 

14.

Agh. I don’t know. I think Jody probably reflects a lot of things I’d like to be. But overall my gut reaction is to say that I’m more Sam than anyone else. I can’t even put into words exactly why. Certainly I wouldn’t say that I identify with Sam’s struggles-- more like, if Sam had a led a more normal stable life we would have a lot in common. As it is I wouldn’t say I really identify with Sam (or with any character really. most of the shows and stories I like I don’t have someone I really identify with) and that it may actually be why I don’t find myself very drawn to Sam or his storylines. I like Sam (probably more as I’m rewatching now than I have in the past) but its not often that I’m super invested in his individual arcs or storylines. 

[orionsangel86]

I'm tired of this discussion about Saileen or Samwena. Why can't be both? I recognize the potential that Sam and Rowena had for a romantic relationship, they really seemed to be going in that direction, and as Rowena said, they'd grown fond of each other. But I also recognize the potential that Sam and Eileen have for a romantic relationship, for reasons that we all saw at s11, s12 and s15. What do you think?

Hi there!

Is this discussion still ongoing? Since I have blocked it all out to be honest and refuse to engage in drama on the topic. But since you asked I will give you my thoughts on the whole Saileen/Samwena thing.

First of all I like your thinking! Why not both indeed! I don’t care for shipping wars but here’s the way I see things. I have never been a “death of the author” kind of person. My whole process for writing meta is what I think the writers and creators of the show are intending to convey when they tell the story that we see. In season 11, Eileen was introduced as a clear love interest for Sam. She has always been portrayed this way even after her untimely death (which I still believe only happened because they didn’t have any other close characters to the brothers at the time to kill off whose actors they could get last minute and whose death would be equally shocking - I know it’s just speculation but it’s my belief). I wrote a long post here about my love for Saileen and how it has been portrayed in the show. I am firmly still a Saileen shipper because it was just perfect from the start, but also I only ever “ship” things that I see within the show as being planted purposely by the creators. I ship Saileen because Saileen has always been a thing ya know? It’s not imaginary and never has been.

However, following Eileen’s death in Season 12, Sam and Rowena’s relationship has been heavily developed on. They bonded over their shared Lucifer trauma, their experiences with fear and their interest in magic. The relationship between them is complex and very much an enemies to friends (to something more?) set up. Sam is canonically Rowena’s protege and now her heir. The mutual respect they hold for each other is clearly noticeable and their destinies tied by fate through Billie’s death books could arguably be considered romantic. Basically, Sam and Rowena as a love story is certainly a dramatic and interesting one that ticks a lot of boxes for a lot of people. I do believe that for a time, the writers flirted with the idea of them as a romantic pairing and that there was clear authorial intent to code their relationship in a romantic way. Especially in seasons 13 and 14. Whilst I never “shipped” Samwena, I guess I saw it the way I see Drowley. I believed that it was being intentionally written with romantic undertones. I was all for it as a romantic pairing, have never been against it, but it didn’t feel me with “feels” either I guess. I love both Sam and Rowena individually, and whether the story took them in a romantic direction or not wouldn’t have bothered me. Had Eileen never come back, I would have squee’d and enjoyed it with the rest of you, even if I wasn’t super invested ya know?

I think a lot of people saw their relationship as romantic after the Billie death book reveal. It was a nice idea that Rowena’s “death” at Sam’s hands might be a metaphorical death where she would choose to give up her immortality for him. (It’s also an idea generally adored by Destiel shippers so it’s not surprising that this was something people got excited about).

Unfortunately this idea didn’t pan out and Sam literally had to kill Rowena. I am one of the people who really loved her death scene, because it felt like a true redemption and moment of empowerment for Rowena. I know that there are people who will disagree with me on that and that is absolutely fine. I guess for me, Rowena making that ultimate sacrifice just felt right for her character journey at that point because true redemption was something she still needed. Rowena was always previously an anti-hero character. She had still done a lot of bad and hadn’t really repented or redeemed herself for the bad she had done in the earlier seasons. She was still generally motivated by selfish desires and still pretty much made decisions for herself, though like Crowley, her respect and care for the Winchesters conflicted with her own selfish motivations and in the later seasons she chose to help them even at risk to herself, which put her well on her way to redemption of course. But this death was her actual redemption. Her true sacrifice, purely selfless deed, in order to not only save the Winchesters, but also the world.

Therefore I see her rise to power again as Queen of Hell as a reward for her sacrifice and redemption. I never believed that 15x03 was the last we’d see of her (too much womb and maternal imagery there). I believe that Queen of Hell is a satisfactory end point for her, having reached her full potential and freeing herself of all the former oppression and bindings that she faced. She is now one of the most powerful beings in the universe along with Chuck, Amara, Billie, the Empty, Eve, and Jack. It’s a position that makes sense for a character who has always desired unlimited power.

I also think that Rowena will continue to be a big player in the story. This definitely isn’t the last we’ve seen of her in terms of fighting the final boss battle, but her position as Queen of Hell I do think will remain a fixed position from here. Though if it isn’t, and the writers have something else wonderful in store for her, I will also be happy with that too.

Given that canonically Sam and Eileen desire and want each other, and are only being separated by Chuck (and look, I’m not gonna get real deep into it, but I felt that 15x09 did go far to stress that whilst Chuck set up the reunion because he wanted “romance” in his story, the feelings, the connection, and everything else between Sam and Eileen is 100% real. Sam textually states that it’s real after all (in a nice and also emotionally destroying mirror to Cas saying the same thing to Dean in 15x02 by the way - Forever a Destiel shipper here :P)) it is logical that Sam and Eileen will reunite and rekindle their romance at some point in a coming episode. I am of the belief that Saileen is probably our endgame here. I don’t think that they would have gone to the trouble to bring Eileen back in the final season, make her a love interest for Sam, only to either kill her off, kill him off, or separate them again and not have them be endgame.

But I could be totally wrong. Could Sam and Rowena still reunite and start a new love connection? Sure it’s possible. Rowena is coming back as well I would put money on it. We don’t know how the show plans to end after all. Who knows, maybe Sam will also sacrifice himself and go to hell and that whole Boy!King dropped story arc from season 3 will finally get picked up again! Sam and Rowena as Queen and consort of Hell could be quite an amusing and somewhat fitting end for them! The two characters who suffered most at Lucifer’s hands taking over and ruling Hell as a big fuck you to their tormentor is certainly poetic.

Maybe Supernatural will go super progressive and send Eileen to Hell too. Maybe the Queen will find herself in a loving polyamorous threesome for the rest of eternity?

Wouldn’t it actually be really fun if Supernatural ends with Castiel choosing humanity, and saying goodbye to his son Jack, who takes over the rule of Heaven, and at the same time Dean chooses to stay on Earth, and says goodbye to his brother (aka son) Sam, who takes over the rule of Hell as consort to the Queen in his new polyamorous relationship with both the Queen and his girlfriend? Dean and Cas live out a happy human life knowing they are the proud parents of the new rulers of Heaven and Hell?!?

Lol. Look I’m just trying to find a compromise here that all Samwena and Saileen shippers can agree on and if there is one thing we can all generally agree on it’s that Dean and Cas need to stay together whatever happens and fuck it out on the map table. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m joking of course. (or am I?!?)

So yeah. I follow people who are passionate Samwena shippers, and I follow people who are passionate Saileen shippers. I consider them all people who I care about and respect. I just want everyone to get along and if a polyamorous love threesome in Hell is how we go about that then I am totally down for that. :D

I haven’t got beef with anyone regardless of who they ship with who unless they plan to start harassing people for holding a different opinion, but I’ve already blocked all those people anyway. It makes for a much easier life. Trust me. :P

[queen-of-deans-booty]

The Song Remains The Same: Final Part

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,934

Warnings: typical supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

Just then, a loud-pitched noise sounded which was an angel talking. Your ears rang from the noise, but you casted your magic around the room to lessen the pain for everyone else. Your mother tried to help, but she was focused on using her magic to protect you inside of her. It became too much to bear, and everyone covered their ears just as glass and lightbulbs shattered, plunging the room into darkness. This happened for a few minutes before the angels shut up. The front door flies open, a sound of angel wings is heard, and a younger Uriel enters the room.

“Who the hell are you?” Dean glared.

“Uriel?” you asked, remembering that he died.

“So, you do know me,” he chuckled.

Sam backed up and urged Mary, John, and your mother to leave the house through the back. They turned to leave but stopped when Anna appeared.

“Alright, here goes nothing,” you muttered just as they attacked.

Both you and Dean went after Uriel while Sam went after Anna. He held the angel blade in his hands, but Anna knocked that shit right out of his hands. John saw an opportunity and took it, snatching the angel blade off the ground and going to use it. However, Anna saw this coming and threw him through the wall and into the backyard.

“John!” Mary yelled.

Turning to face Uriel, you threw magic balls that appeared out of your hands. He dodged your attempts to hurt him and grabbed Dean by the throat when he got the chance. Your eyes were the brightest they have ever been since you wanted to do maximum damage. Uriel was a lot stronger when he was younger, so he was able to overpower you more quickly. He grabbed at your throat and forced you on your knees.

Your mother took the chance to attack, but Uriel was having none of it. He held his hand out and forced her to her knees as she clutched her stomach. She wasn’t as strong as she was before since she had a baby to protect now. Anna had an opportunity and she took it. She ripped a fixture from the wall and shoved it into Sam’s abdomen.

“Sammy!” Dean yelled.

Sam began to bleed profusely through the wound since it was too much for him to bear. He slid to the floor as his skin began to pale. He was dying, if not already dead.

“Sam!” you yelled, trying to get to him.

“I’m really sorry,” Anna said to Marry who could only watch in horror.

“Anna,” John said from behind, but this time he was different.

There was a white glow around his body, and you knew that he was possessed by an angel. The question was… which one?

“Michael,” Anna gasped.

Michael placed a hand on Anna’s shoulder, and she began to burn from that spot. She quickly bursts into flames as white ones shot out of her eyes. She turned to a crisp and her body fell away in ashes. The archangel turned to Uriel once he finished.

“Michael. I didn’t know.”

“Goodbye, Uriel,” he claimed, snapping his fingers to make the angel disappear.

“What did you do to John?” Mary demanded to know.

“John is fine.”

“Who—what are you?”

“Shh,” he whispered, touching her forehead to knock her out.

She fell to the ground unconsciously. He looked at your mother before snapping his fingers. She dropped to the ground, and you were going to go to her when he stopped you.

“She’s fine, and you’re unharmed. Don’t worry,” he cleared his throat. “Well, I'd say this conversation is long overdue, wouldn't you?”

Your eyes never fell back to their normal color in case you needed to do some damage to this archangel, no matter how small it may be.

“Ah, much like me, my aunt took up a bloodline. I didn’t know that before I put her away for all eternity,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, and I’m pretty powerful.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that.”

“Fix him,” Dean demanded as he pointed to his brother.

“First… we talk. Then, I fix your darling little Sammy.”

“How'd you get in my dad, anyway?”

“I told him I could save his wife, and he said yes.”

“I guess they oversold me being your one and only vessel.”

“You're my true vessel, but not my only one.”

“Like me?”

“Precisely.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It's a bloodline,” you answered for him.

“Stretching back to Cain and Abel. It's in your blood, your father's blood, your family's blood. You’re a bit different, Y/N. Amara chose you from the very start of creation.”

“So, she is real.”

“Oh yes, she is. She belongs where she is. She has no place in this world. I’m not sure how, but she chose a bloodline while being locked away. We locked her away millennia before humans were created.”

“Let’s cut to the chase. What do you want with me?”

“You really don't know the answer to that?”

“Well, you know I ain't gonna say yes, so why are you here? What do you want with me?!” Dean yelled.

“I just want you to understand what you and I have to do.”

“Oh, I get it. You got beef with your brother. Well, get some therapy, pal. Don't take it out on our planet!”

“You're wrong. Lucifer defied our father, and he betrayed me. But still… I don't want this any more than you would want to kill Sam,” the archangel turned away in thought. “You know, I practically raised my brother. I took care of him in a way most people could never understand, and I still love him,” he turns back to you two. “But I am going to kill him because it is right and I have to.”

“Oh, because God says so?” you scoffed.

“Yes. From the beginning, he knew this was how it was going to end.”

“And you're just gonna do whatever God says?”

“Yes, because I am a good son.”

“Being a good son doesn’t mean obey every command, Michael. Being a good son means you love unconditionally and make mistakes because that’s how you learn to be better,” you explained with a sigh.

“And you think you know better than my father? Two unimportant little creatures. What makes you think you get to choose?”

“Because I got to believe that I can choose what I do with my unimportant little life.”

“You're wrong. You know how I know? Think of a million random acts of chance that let John and Mary be born, to meet, to fall in love, and to have the two of you. Think of the million random choices that led your bloodline to circle back to Amara. Think of the million random choices that you two make, and yet how each and every one of them brings you closer to your destiny. Do you know why that is? Because it's not random. It's not chance. It's a plan that is playing itself out perfectly. Free will is an illusion, Dean. That's why you're going to say yes. It could be worse. You know, unlike my brothers, I won't leave you a drooling mess when I'm done wearing you. Can’t say the same for Amara if she ever comes out.”

“Well, what about my dad?”

“Better than new. In fact, I'm gonna do your mom and your dad a favor. Even yours, Y/N.”

“What is it?” you wondered.

“Scrub their minds. They won't remember me or you.”

“You can't do that.”

“I'm just giving your mother what she wants. She can go back to her husband, her family—”

“She's gonna walk right into that nursery!” Dean yelled.

“My mother is going to die by the hands of Meg!!”

“Obviously. You always knew that was going to play out one way or another. You can't fight City Hall,” Michael sighed, going over to Sam. He pressed two fingers to his forehead, and the younger brother disappeared within a moment. The pipe that was inside his body clunks to the ground. “He's home. Safe and sound. Your turn. I'll see you soon, Dean.”

Michael touched yours and Dean’s foreheads, and everything went black.

Now that you were back in your own time, things were different. Well, everything stayed the same with your mom and the brothers’ parents still dying, but the atmosphere changed between you three. The room was thick with tension as you packed in silence. The only thing on your mind was Castiel, and where the hell he was or if he was okay. Looking up, you noticed the angel in question standing behind you with a look of pain etched into his face.

“Castiel,” you gasped, rushing over to him.

Sam and Dean did the same when they heard your outburst.

“Cas!” Dean said as he hurried over to help.

“We got you.”

“You son of a bitch. You made it.”

“I… I did? I'm very surprised,” he mumbled before collapsing.

The brothers held him up, and thought the best idea was to lay him on the bed to rest. Once there, you got next to him to heal him.

“You’re going to be okay, Castiel,” you whispered, placing your hand on his cheek.

His skin absorbed your magic, and a white light shined through his mouth and nose. Whatever you did worked only a little bit.

“Well… this is it,” Dean sighed.

“This is what?”

“Team Free Will. One ex-blood junkie, one dropout with six bucks to his name, Mr. Comatose over there, and a witch. It's awesome.”

“It's not funny,” you sighed.

“I'm not laughing. Want a drink?” Dean offered.

Sam nodded, but you had a strange feeling that you shouldn’t be drinking alcohol. There was something deep in your gut that told you alcohol was a bad idea.

“No thank you.”

“They all say we'll say yes,” Sam sighed, accepting the drink.

“I know. It's getting annoying.”

“What if they're right?”

“They’re not,” you muttered.

“I mean, why would we, either of us? But then again, I've been weak before.”

“We’re not you, Sam,” you snapped. His face fell at your jab, and you immediately felt bad. “I’m sorry, I was out of line.

“You’re right. I mean, Michael got Dad to say yes.”

“That was different. Anna was about to kill Mom.”

“And if you could save Mom… what would you say?” Sam asked.

“We should get some sleep. We can head out tomorrow morning,” you sighed.

“Yeah, good idea,” Dean said, ignoring his brother’s question.

Staring at the flickering 24-hour sign posted in the gas station across town, you took a deep breath. There was no one on the road, no one passing through because everyone was asleep.

Why weren’t you?

Something was calling you here, to do what you were about to do. The thought was planted in your mind before going back in time, but you tried to ignore it. There was no way this was happening now; you wouldn’t allow it.

Walking inside the place, you headed to the section specifically for these products. Grabbing two, you paid for them and headed back to the motel since you didn’t want to do it in a gas station. Making sure you were really quiet, you headed to the bathroom before doing what needed to be done.

The wait process was always the worst since three minutes can feel like hours. Nonetheless, when the time was up, you looked at the results. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing right now.

You are pregnant.

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[ijustwant2write]

A Magic Bond-Merlin x Magic!Reader

(GIF credit to @magnificentwardrobe and @dean-just-kiss-cas-already)

Masterlist

Requested by anonymous

Summary: ‘Can you please write something about a powerful and kind magic user falling in love with Merlin and he loves her back but they can't be together because she's royalty and he'd not?’

Characters: Merlin x Magic!Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name       (Y/L/N)=Your last name

Warnings: Fluff, arguing, sadness, heartbreak, anger

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taking my brothers hand, I smiled at him as he helped me out of the carriage, picking up my skirts as to not trip over in front of everyone. My brother and I approached the steps of the castle, King Arthur and his Queen, Guinevere waiting with their knights and staff to welcome us. As we began with the courteous greetings, I felt eyes on me, and it wasn’t just one pair. Brushing it off, I stood back as my brother spoke, glancing back at my own knights and staff, hoping that they remained in order.

“Your majesties,” he started,“thank you for welcoming us into your kingdom once again. I look forward to spending time in this beautiful landscape, as well as with yourselves.”

“Thank you, that is very kind.” King Arthur bowed his head slightly.

I curtsied.“My brother tells the truth. It has not surprised us that our alliance has become as strong as it has, it seems that both kingdoms are extremely happy and at peace.”

“And hopefully we shall grow even stronger with you by our side. Please, let us get you settled in.”

We followed them inside as our belongings were collected, the servants working hard under the pleasant sun that shone on us that day. We made easy small talk as they guided us through the halls, coming to stop by my allocated room first.

“This is where you’ll be staying. Your brother shall only be around the hall. If you are ever in need of any assistance, ask any of our servants or handmaids.” Guinevere smiled.

“Also my manservant, Merlin.” Arthur gestured to the man who had been close by.“He’ll be happy to help, won’t you Merlin?”

Merlin politely smiled.“Yes sire.”

“Thank you Merlin.” I said before entering the room.

How could they not see it? How could they not see our sneaky glances to each other? Arthur may have thought that Merlin was invisible to others, but I could never forget him. It had been torture without him by my side, and even worse when we couldn't speak. What with both of us having magic, we had searched for ways to communicate, but some techniques seemed dangerous, meaning we remained silent for most part. Letters were sent, but Merlin was a servant, how was he to answer?

It felt like there was an itch in me as I awaited to see him again, I was desperate to be in his arms again. Only one other person knew of this, Gaius, and he only knew because Merlin was awful at keeping secrets around him. His excuses for sneaking away needed to get more creative.

"You have done plenty for me Missy," I said to my handmaid as she hanged the last dress in the wardrobe,"please go rest in your quarters before the feast tonight."

She curtsied, thanking me before leaving. Just as I suspected, not long after Missy left, there was a knock at my door. I called for them, an enormous grin emerging as Merlin slithered into the room. We had a moment of serenity, a split second of stillness before rushing into each other's arms. Laughter spilled from us, the impatience of us both finally gone. Crashing our lips together, I squealed into it as he lifted me off my feet slightly.

I was breathless when we pulled away."I don't think I can go that long without you again."

"Neither can I."

"How are you? You haven't been on any other death defying quests have you?"

"Well..."

"Merlin, you promised!"

"I did not! And how would I keep to that promise when it's my destiny to protect Arthur?"

"This is why I hate not speaking for so long. I never know what's happening here."

"And I never know what's happening to you. How has you magic been?"

"It's got stronger as I've been training. I'm more in control than before, and I've also been studying the old books for new spells too. Actually, I think we may have a new way of speaking to one another."

"Not through our minds right?"

"Yes! I think I'm ready now!"

"But what if it doesn't work?"

"But what if it does?"

We were interrupted as my brother called out for me, breaking apart just in time as he let himself in.

"Sorry for the interruption."

"That's alright. Merlin was just checking on me." I covered up.

"Oh, well I think we are both fine with the arrangements, right (Y/N)?"

I nodded, dismissing Merlin. George really knew how to choose his moments. And I knew what was coming next. The God awful lecture that always came when we visited others; how I should conceal my magic, keep my emotions in check, no messing around. It irritated me to no end, he wasn't the one with powers, he didn't know what it was like. However, I couldn't snap at him, he only meant it out of kindness, he was my brother, my only close family left.

We had cousins and aunts and uncles, but they were far away. It had been  George and I for a long time, and unfortunately there had not been much guidance on how to deal with my magic for him. My parents had possessed magic too, though for some reason it had skipped my brother. I think at first it had bothered him slightly, the fact that I was able to do all these amazing things and he wasn't, and also a lot of the attention was on me as my aunt's and uncles trained me. Though over time he grew wise, he realised that magic was something everyone needed to embrace, something that would come with much time and persuasion of the people. And we were slowly working towards a future where magic would be welcomed into everyday life.

I tried to keep my eyes to myself throughout the lavish meal. Merlin was right there, inches away from me, even serving the drinks; he leaned over me, his breath radiating off my ear, sending shivers down my spine. This wasn't fair. Arthur had married Guinevere, surely I could be with Merlin in the future, especially since we both had similar powers.

George nudged me, a warning look flashed on his face. I shrugged at him, wondering what I had done wrong (and besides, innocent flirting wouldn't hurt anyone, would it?), taking a sip of my wine. He subtly rolled his eyes at me, a fake smile plastered on his face. But I saw right through it, and he wasn't just annoyed with me, there was something else going on. He had been hard to conversate with, he was putting on a front to the others. I wouldn't ask him about it now, it wasn't the right time, and I knew he would lie anyway.

Later on my brother excused himself from the table, wading through the crowds to exit the room. Anyone not paying attention wouldn't have even noticed, assuming he was being polite and engaging in conversation; they would be wrong, and I knew this was the time to go after him. Fortunately I had not been pulled into any conversations, slipping out of the room and looking down the hallways for George. However, as I was about to venture off, someone gently grabbed my hand, only slightly alarming me.

"Merlin, what are you doing out here? Won't Arthur need you?" I whispered, though there was no one here.

"I can slip away for a while, he's got other servants to use." He was already guiding me down the hall, to where I didn't know.

"Merlin what if someone sees us?" I giggled, completely forgetting why I came out in the first place.

"Since when did you care?"

"I...oh, come on, let's go."

We rushed through the castle, lucky that there weren't any servants around (all of them being at the feast) and hiding from the guards. I didn't feel like a princess, I just felt like a young girl in love. We made it out of the castle, escaping to the edge of the forest, panting as we ran. The sun was just setting, giving us our last hour of light; I knew that we wouldn't even have that long together.

"What are we going to do Merlin?" I sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"My brother, my kingdom, I don't think they would accept this."

"Accept us?"

"Yes. And although I don't care what they say, I have a reputation to uphold, it could push my brother and I out of the monarchy."

"I-I understand-"

"Which is why I'm giving up my title."

"W-what?!"

"I don't want to rule if you're not there beside me."

"But what would you kingdom think?"

"My brother would still rule. And he'll easily find a wife, he has many suitors lined up-"

"Where would we go? You realise that I have to stay here for Arthur-"

"But what if your destiny is fulfilled? Arthur is king now-"

"(Y/N), I won't let you give up your title-

"Merlin, I won't become queen, my brother shall be king for a long time. Besides, isn't there something I could do with my magic? If I rule and people don't accept it, I'll be burnt at the stake."

"But what if they did?"

"Merlin, I'd rather be living in rags, in the countryside with you where I can use my magic freely."

He could only stare at me, a sadness filled his eyes. He pulled me into his embrace, not saying anything more. I meant what I said. My brother wouldn't want it, my peers wouldn't want it, but I did. It sounded crazy, it was almost impossible, and I was willing to take that risk for him.

"I mean it Merlin, I'll work everyday in the fields for us to eat, make friends with our neighbours, see your clothes."

He chuckled."You've never done a days work in your life."

"I can learn. Plus, I'll have magic to help."

"Magic isn't something to play around with."

I looked up at him."You sound like Gaius."

"(Y/N)!" George angrily yelled.

Merlin and I jumped apart, our eyes widening as we saw him and two of our guards marching towards us. How did they know we were here? And how on Earth was I supposed to explain this? He harshly yanked me by my upper arm away from Merlin, standing in front of me. Merlin was smart enough not to retaliate, especially now that the guards had restrained him.

"What do you think you're doing?! Let go of me!" I snapped at George, struggling against him.

"Me?! What about you?! Our guards inform me that my sister has been sneaking around with a servsnt boy, and out of the castle!"

"I'm am not doing this in front of them!" I pointed to the guards.

"Well they won't be here for long. Take him away, explain to the king why we must lick him up."

I glared at my brother before sticking my arm out towards them. Casting a spell to make them forget, they blinked a few times before I thrusted my arm out again, sending them flying back; they were knocked unconscious, lying still on the ground. My brother finally let me go, I rushed in front of Merlin, even though he was more than capable of protecting himself.

"This isn't some one time thing, or puppy love. Merlin and I are serious about this."

"Did he know about your powers, or have you just found out?" George sneered.

"He knew. I told him because I trust him."

"What if he's telling the king? What if he's telling secrets to him to take us down?"

Merlin spoke up."I haven't and I would never do that. Also, Arthur values your friendship, he would never want to overthrow you."

"You two could never be together, he's a servant-"

"I think you're forgetting the queen was a servant too." I interrupted."But Arthur loved her."

"And you're saying this is love?"

"Yes. I love him, George, I love him deeply."

"And I love her." Merlin confidently said, melting my heart.

George hesitated to speak, his eyes flickering between us."Well I'm sorry, but there's already a suitor waiting for you back home."

"What?! George, how could you?! You promised me-"

"I did that to stop your nagging! We need this alliance to save our kingdom!"

"Save our kingdom? What are you on about?"

He lowered his voice."The prophecy, I think it's starting to come true."

"What prophecy?" Merlin asked, carefully walking closer to us.

"It's noth-"

"There was a propechy that one day I would marry a powerful being to save our kingdom. We assumed it would be someone possessing magic."

"We don't know that. What if it does mean this suitor I have for you?"

"But what if it doesn't?"

"(Y/N), stop arguing. This is happening."

"No, I won't let it happen. I renounce my title."

"The council won't let you, neither will the Druids, you know that they need you."

The Druids. I had forgot about them. They were desperate to find a safe haven, somewhere they wouldn't be hunted. It was part of the prophecy to help others with magic or alike to be at peace with everyone else in the world. Those poor families, those innocent children.

"(Y/N)," Merlin turned me around to face him, his voice quiet,"we both have destinys to fulfill. And yours is extremely important, especially if you're helping people to be who they really are."

"But....but what about us? Why do I have to give up something I love in order to do this?"

"Because those are the rules. I mean, could you imagine Arthur's face if I was to marry you?"

His attempt to cheer me up didn't work.

"Merlin, you know this means-"

"We don't need to say anything. I know you'll be amazing, you'll be one of the first kingdoms to reintroduce magic as part of everyday life. And then you can be yourself, and show off your beautiful magic."

"And then you can come to our kingdom, and...and-"

Before I could start rambling, extend our time together, he cupped my face in his hands, leaning down to kiss me. I indulged in this, memorizing how he felt, how gentle he was, how much I loved him. I wanted to do what was best for our kingdom (despite wanting to renounce my title, though I knew George would handle it fine by himself), however a future without Merlin was dark, I hadn't thought of it without him in a long time.

"We need to go back, they'll be wondering where we are." George said as Merlin and I parted.

It was if time had slowed down when we walked away from each other. I held onto his hand as long as I could, grasping at his fingertips until we were no longer connected. My head whipped around to look where I was going, silently crying as the distance grew between us. George and I said nothing as we trudged back to the castle, I could feel the anger building up inside. It took everything in me to not cast some spell to throw him away from me, or at least trip him up.

"George, please don't tell Arthur of this." I pleaded."Merlin deserves this job, he is so hard working and one of Arthur's most trusted servants."

"I won't." was all he said.

"I want to go home."

Silence.

"George, I want to go home!"

Still nothing.

We were now back in the castle, approaching the doors that led back to the feast. Loud chatter, laughter and music was bursting out of it, even though it was closed off from us."I can't go back in there." I croaked.

"You have to." George wasn't in the mood for messing around. Not that I cared.

"Just say I felt sick. Something didn't agree with my stomach."

"No, you're coming back in."

I defied him, already walking away.

"(Y/N), get back here!"

"You're already controlling the rest of my life, let me have one last decision."

I didn't care who was around when I slammed the door. My knees buckled beneath me, something that had never happened before, but I couldn't help collapsing into a heap on the floor. I tugged off my jewellery, annoyed by the heaviness and any sound it made, as well as flinging my shoes off; if I could have ripped that dress off there and then, I would have, but the corset was far too tight to do so. Curling into a ball, I sobbed as I laid on the floor, the cold slabs cooling my hot body.

This heartbreak was too much to bear. We were here for another four days, associating with the king and queen, meaning Merlin would be there every step of the way. How could my brother so this to me? He hadn't even consulted me! I would never tell of Merlin's magic to George, that wasn't fair of me. Merlin has a huge secret to keep, and if it ever got out, it would mean the end for him. What if the prophecy had meant Merlin? What if we were to be together? I had faith in it, it was the only thing keeping me from falling apart anymore than I already had.

Merlin and I were powerful, two powerful beings that would change the world. My brother had no power over us. This was a minor setback, an obstacle to overcome that would prove that we were meant for each other; and I was determined to bring him back to me.

[jay-and-dean]

Greater Good  Prologue

(Dean x Reader? Sam x Reader ?)

Serie Summary :

            There is a prophecy.

When Lucifer's true vessel will find his one true love, it will tilt the world's scales on the side of good and light. The balance that this love will bring, is to be the start of a new era, where evil will be weaken for the first time in centuries.

            When the Winchesters find out about this, they decide this is the opportunity of their life, the only way to make a difference once and for all. And now they have a way to find this girl, things should be easy, right ?

            What happens when the prophetic girl doesn't fall in love with Sam ?

___________________________

Serie Warnings : Swearing, Angst, Fluff, Smut, and maybe other stuffs. 

Note : This is the new story I’m writing. This is a short prologue to start. I hope you’ll like it.

Prologue words : 1k

GREATER GOOD MASTERLIST

***WANT TO READ MORE ? => MASTERLIST***

_________________________________ 

***Prologue***

             Sam keeps looking out the window, his eyes jumping from tree to tree has the impala rushes through the land. He doesn’t say anything, why would he? And what could he say anyway ?

    ��       Sam Winchester is used to crazy, to unbelievable. This just might be a little too much for him. So he stays silent, and tries to let his brain come to term with this new kind of weird.

“I can’t believe you’re a Disney princess, Sammy !” Dean suddenly jokes, shaking his head with that wide teasing smile that hides his own worry.

The truth is Dean is terrified. Sam’s one true love, what does this fucking means ? Does it mean fate wants to choose for his little brother once again ? And anyway : What is one true love ? Does it really exists ? Love exists, Dean knows that, he can feel it in every cell of his body, maybe because he’s a love child. But destiny’s love shit… This may be a little too much.

            How is it supposed to work anyway ? Will Sam fall at that girl’s feet the second he’s going to see her ? Will he realize he can’t live without her, take her to the bunker and keep her there, giggling for the rest of time ? Dean frowns. What if he doesn’t like her ? What if she’s a witless little princess ? What if she makes them grow apart ?

            And if she’s so special, where was she all those years ? Where was she when Sam lost Jessica ? When he was addicted to demon blood ? When he went to hell ? During the trials and after ? Why now ?

            Dean won’t admit it out loud, but he hates this prophecy thing, he hates it with every part of his soul… And he knows Sam doesn’t like it either. But this is for the greater good…

                                           *********

            Y/n gets out of the shower and sighs, the heat is killing her these days. She closes the curtains to hide the sweltering sun, not wanting to loose all the benefits of the cold shower just now. This is a good day, she tries to convince herself, if she hurries, she’ll have time to study in the bus. And tonight is pay night.

            She dresses like she always does, simple jeans and oversized t-shirt, even with this burning sun, there is no way she’s going out in a sexy outfit. She takes her books and verifies she has all of them before putting them in her bag. History of witchcraft during the middle age : from healers to heretics, check. A study of demonic pictorial representations in Europe, check. Mythology of the bible, third volume : Michael, the warrior angel, check. Introduction to Hebrew, fourth volume, check. From Abraham Van Helsing to Buffy : History of the monster hunters figures in popular cultures, check.

            She has to hurry, that essay on the angelic symbols in eighteenth century’s literature isn’t going to write itself, and she can’t afford grade below excellent, she can’t afford another year, or she might end up in jail for murdering a guy.

            “Y/n, you’re making the girls freak out with your stupid books” Alan says. “This is not the place for studying, I don’t pay you to be smart, I pay you to be pretty.”

“You pay me to cause boners, Alan…” she sights, putting her books back in her wide bag.

“And you’re so talented” the bald man says, giving her an envelope ful of cash. “If you weren’t so obsessed with college all this nerd crap, you could make a shit ton of money.”

“I know… And hate my body even more” she says between her teeth.

“Come on, don’t be like that you don’t even do specials…” he frowns.

And she leaves the room before he can talk about that again, avoiding a never-ending talk. She just isn’t going to do private shows, or private parties, whatever men are ready to pay ; she knows how it ends. And none of those sick perverts is going to lay a hand on her, their stare is already more than she can bear.

            The music starts. The crowed room is filled with whiskey, sweat and testosterone smells, the silence is heavy, an impatient silence, right before the primal roars ring out… This is it, six months to go, she thinks, hiding the lace thong under her sexy secretary skirt. She takes a deep breath, pulls her stomach in and tries to imagine she doesn’t hate the men in the room.

Show time…

                                           *********

            Sam knows so little about that girl he’s supposed to find. She’s in that town, that’s sure even if the tracking spell didn’t work the first time ; now Rowena is positive. And their life already crossed at least once, she said to him. It means he knows her, at least has already seen her.

            While Dean is eating his burger, Sam’s thoughts drift again. He tries to think about every girls he’s known, is there one of them he could have liked like that ?

“So… Is there anywhere your heart leads you” Dean says with his mouth full.

“Home…” Sam grunts.

“Oh come on Sammy, you’re about to meet future miss Sam Winchester, aren’t you existed ?” he tries to hide his own worry. “I guess she’s boring as hell and has very long hair” he jokes.

“You’re so funny...” Sam shrugs.

“So, where do we go ?” Dean insists.

            Where do we go ? Sam doesn’t know. He’s supposed to be drawn to her when he’s near. Just let your envies and heart lead you, Rowena and Cas said. Yeah, super easy… And it won’t be awkward at all to ask every dawn girl of this town to touch her skin, and see if a little mark appears on her chest.

            Sam sighs loudly again, not even realizing how sulky he his since they left the bunker. And this stifling weather is not helping. He feels nothing special, just the need for air conditioning.

When Dean takes the local newspaper to check on the news, Sam notices a commercial about the town’s library.

“Maybe we could check on the library, you know, to start somewhere” Sam says.

“See ? Boring...” Dean rolls his eyes.

__________________________________ 

                   ***FEEDBACK IS EVERYTHING <3***

Forever Tags : @vicariouslythruspn​ @tftumblin​ @deans-baby-momma​ @roonyxx​ @thefaithfulwriter @parinarain @animegirlgeeky @mogaruke @masterof-agony @rainflowermoon @marvelfansworld @holylulusworld @cocklesbelli

Greater Good Tags : @wanderer-08 @mbanejr @chimchimslight  @neii3n​ @superlockedtimelord​ @nothinbuttrouble2​ @carliewinchester​ @maddiepants​

[profoundnet]

Header by @cryptomoon and is available on merch from her redbubble store. You can use all those fancy emojis (and more!) on our Discord server!

The Masterpost is open for all creations by ProfoundBond members which are posted in their entirety during that month.

MEMBER CONTRIBUTIONS FOR OCTOBER 2019!

Featuring works from @saywhatjessie, @mittensmorgul, ArielAquariel, @doespeterparkerisgay, @banshee1013, @andimeantittosting, Erratus, @cool-fallen-angel, @malallory, @castielslostwings, @nickelkeep, @bringmefleshandbringmewine, @sarasaurussex, iCeDreams, @emiliaoagi, @leafzelindor and @rauko-is-a-free-elf!

Masterpost below the cut.

JessJesstheBest - @saywhatjessie​ - JessJesstheBest

On The Line (T, 23k)

“Well, can I scam you?” Dean’s spoon was frozen, forgotten, halfway between his bowl and his mouth. “Did you just ask if you could scam me?” “Yes.” The guy said, cool as anything. “Can I scam you?”

Or the one where Cas is a scam caller and Dean just keeps intercepting his calls.

Tags: Alternate Universe, Human AU, Scam Caller au

mittensmorgul - @mittensmorgul​ - MittenWraith

Lifetime Piling Up (E, 59k)

Cas is having a bad day. He burned his bagel, missed his ride to work and had to run to the hospital in the pouring rain, and then witnessed his attending accidentally kill a patient during a routine surgery. Now he might be on the hook for his boss’s mistake, but was it really a mistake, or is he the next target of Dr. Nick Morningstar’s sick mind games?

Dean is also having a bad day. His brother nearly set his kitchen on fire, he’s training a new apprentice in his tattoo shop, and then he gets a mysterious call that Sam needs a ride to the hospital after a freak accident in the pouring rain left him with an injured shoulder. A chance encounter at the hospital leads Dean and Cas to each other after a decade of coincidences and premonitions, and suddenly their worst day might become the foundation for all of their best. A story of choice and destiny, and the power of found family, foretold through uncanny tattoos.

Tags: AU-modern setting, tattoo artist!Dean, surgeon!Cas, angst and fluff and smut

ArielAquariel - ArielAquariel

Quoth the Raven (G, 6k)

Dean Winchester didn’t believe in the occult. Werewolves were a myth, Nessie was a hallucination, and bigfoot was just a large hairy man who enjoyed strolling naked through the woods. He thought that crystals were a load of shit, and a smudge stick would do nothing but make your house smell like burnt sage. He didn’t believe in God, let alone ghosts. Finally, and he was 100% sure on this one, he didn’t believe in witches. Or Wicca. Or whatever they wanted to call it. His point? Everything could be explained. That is, everything but the dark-haired man walking through campus with a spellbook and a raven for a familiar…

Tags: Misunderstandings, Fluff, Pining Dean Winchester, Pining Castiel (Supernatural), Alternate Universe - College/University, Meet-Cute, Animal Lover Castiel (Supernatural)

vicktick - @doespeterparkerisgay​ - vicktick

two bros, arguing about who would top cause they're not gay (but they are) (T, 3.5k)

“No, I’m telling you, I would be the top if we were gay together.”

Oh, Twitter was going to love this: ‘my brother and his “best friend” are currently arguing about who would top if they were “gay together”. i was pretty sure they already were gay together.’

Tags: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Sam is a Little Shit, Supportive John Winchester

banshee1013 - @banshee1013​ - Banshee1013

Suptober Art/Fic (NSFW)

Art and accompanying ficlets to answer Suptober 2019 prompts.

Tags: Fluff, Angst, Depression, Temporary Character Death, Nightmare, Crossover/Fandom Fusion

andimeantittosting - @andimeantittosting​ - andimeantittosting

I Will Hang My Head Low (M, 22.5k)

Dean Winchester gave up hunting when his brother became the prophesied Boy King of Hell. Now he ekes out a meager living, chopping wood for a nearby village, until one snowy night, he follows what appears to be a falling star, and encounters an injured angel. Afterwards, he tries to put the strange night from his mind.

When he meets Castiel, a mysterious man with healing powers, they form an instant connection, and the more Dean learns of Castiel's powers—to heal, to protect, to purify—the more he begins to hope that Sam can be saved. But as they prepare to save Sam, Castiel grows sick, and then sicker still. Too late, Dean learns how much Castiel is willing to sacrifice for him.

Inspired by the Decemberists' Crane Wife and the Japanese myth on which it is based.

Tags: Temporary Major Character Death, Fairytale/Folktale AU, Sick Castiel, Grief/Mourning, Castiel's Wings, Angst With a Happy Ending

Tentacletober Fills (E, 7k)

A collection of short fills for Tentacletober prompts.

Tags: Tentacles, Consentacles, Oviposition

Erratus - Erratus

A Concerned Brother (T, 2k)

When Sam walks in on Dean and Castiel, he left worried if Castiel understands enough about human relationships.

Tags: Coming out, established relationship, canon verse, mentions of sex but no sex, Sam is concerned for Cas

Watching Over You (T, 4k)

Castiel has always been watching over Dean, keeping him alive. Even if Dean doesn't know it, he's been there.

Tags: Suicidal thoughts/attempt, pre-canon, pre-slash, Cas with different vessels, sad and hurt Dean

cool-fallen-angel - @cool-fallen-angel​

Halloween Costumes (NSFW)

I drew this piece for Winchester-reload's 2019 suptoberart challenge, day 31: Halloween

Tags: Halloween, halloween costumes, lingerie, angel costume, playboy costume, blushy Cas, suptoberart, sexy boyfriends

malallory - @malallory​

DeanCas "Funeral Bell" graphic (SFW)

Graphic created for the All Ships Creations Challenge under the theme "spooky"

Tags: 15x03

castielslostwings - @castielslostwings​ - Castielslostwings

Wants and Needs (M, 6.5k)

From a prompt in the Destiel Port FB Group! "Asexual Incubus!Cas and Demisexual Vamp!Dean"

Asexual!Incubus!Cas who has to have sex to feed to stay alive and has always resented it, until he meets Demi!vampire!Dean and discovers that being fed on... actually turns him on, and makes feeding not feel miserable for the first time ever. Imagine Ace!incubus!Cas starving for a long time because he can't stomach the thought of having sex, and then here comes Demi!vamp!Dean feeding on Cas, giving him gratification he thought can only be gained from having sex.

And, you know, they live happily ever after.

Tags: Asexual Castiel, Incubus Castiel, Vampire Dean, Demisexual/Demiromantic Dean, Hungry Castiel, Depressed Castiel, Biting/Blood Drinking, Lonely Castiel, Intimacy, Sweet Dean Winchester.

The Luck You Got (E, 90k)

Castiel and Dean grew up together. Both from broke, broken homes, falling in love was easy - until Dean’s father whisked him away. Years later, Cas is still living the struggle, selling his body to keep a roof over his siblings' heads and using drugs to get by. When Dean returns as a fully grown adult (and a paramedic at that) with his kid-brother-turned-lawyer in tow, Castiel can’t help feeling as if they’re picking up exactly where they left off. Falling swiftly in love all over again but used to only having himself to rely on, he struggles to let Dean in. When Gabriel gets arrested and takes a major source of the family’s income down with him, Castiel struggles to cope and leans on drugs and prostitution instead of Dean. Determined not to lose him for a second time, Dean fights to drag Castiel back from the claws of addiction and the brink of death, no matter what it takes. With help from friends, family, and Dean, Castiel finds himself working towards something for the first time ever, determined to choose life, love, and something more than what the city has always told him is all he has to offer.

Tags: Getting Back Together, Childhood Sweethearts, Neighbors, Poverty, Drug Addiction & Recovery, Sex Worker Castiel, Firefighter/Paramedic Dean, Angst & Fluff & Smut, Happy Ending, Romance.

nickelkeep - @nickelkeep - nickelkeep

‘Cause My Monsters Are Real (T, 8k)

"It's great," Garth responding, grabbing a chair and sliding it over. "Bess is in her glory, and the little one is doing awesome. I love her so much." He smiled a toothy grin that didn't quite meet his eyes. "I'm not here about me, though. I debated coming at all, cause I know how sacred our Fridays are, but I figured you'd want to be prepared."

Sam leaned around Rowena, his arm draped over her shoulder, "What do you mean he'd want to be prepared?"

"You too, Sam. This affects both of you. It literally just happened." Garth hung his head like a kicked puppy. "So, I was back in today, filling out my paperwork to start back up on Monday. And I overheard it."

"Spit it out, Wolfman." Dean leaned his chair back on two legs, foot resting on the table.

"Magda's getting her own room. Emma's getting a new person in the room. They're splitting you two up." Garth looked pathetically at Dean. "You're getting a new partner."

Dean instinctively kicked out, sending him backward and onto the floor. "Ow. What?"

Tags: AU - Creatures & Monsters, Shapeshifter Dean, Fallen Angel Castiel, Human/Monster Society, Kid Fic (kind of), There is Only One Under the Bed

And These Monsters Can Fight (E, 6.5k)

"You think I want to keep her here against her wishes?" Bobby shook his head vehemently. "She'd be one hell of a creature if she were one, but she should go back to the human world. There's a problem that you didn't think of."

"What's that?" Dean spat.

"Dean," Sam softly interjected. "The angels may not want or need Claire anymore because she can no longer be an angelic host, but she is still tied to a source of grace." They all looked at the Fallen.

"I can protect myself!" Claire spoke up. "What do you think I had to do when Castiel couldn't come to me thanks to the stupid rules you all have in place!?"

"Can you protect yourself from three or four or five angels?" Bobby stared at her. "I'll give you one or two, you're a spitfire. But they want him. They're not going to take it light and risk losing a couple when they need all hands on board."

"So what? You want to keep her here?" Dean asked.

Tags: AU - Creatures & Monsters, Story Continuation, Shapeshifter Dean, Fallen Angel Castiel, Human/Monster Society, There is only one under the bed.

Carry Me Home (E, 7k)

"You weren't a scout." Cas opened the laptop and pulled up YouTube. In the search bar, he typed in stopping a squeaking door. He moved the cursor over the first video; from a channel called Impala Repairs. "This looks right." He clicked on the link and grabbed his coffee.

Hey there, and welcome to another quick how-to video with Impala Repairs! I'm your host, D.W., and in today's episode, I'm going to show you the best way to stop a door's hinges from squeaking.

Gabe reached over and pushed up on Cas' chin. "Cassie? You alive over there?"

Cas nodded.

"You need a global reboot?"

Cas pulled his eyes off the screen and shot his brother a look that could kill. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That means," Gabe reached over and took Cas' coffee, "that you were A, so infatuated with Old Green Eyes on the screen there, you almost dumped your coffee on yourself, and B, you have no idea how to fix the door."

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Handyman Dean, Professor Castiel, Sneaky Brothers, Conspiring Sam and Gabriel, Strangers to Lovers, Crush at First Sight

Like a Burning Flame (E, 8.5k)

"No, no, no." Dean shot up from under his pile of Ikea cardboard. "There's no fire here. The smoke alarm is disabled, we're seasoning our ovens."

The firefighter removed his helmet and mask, taking Dean's breath away as though he had actually inhaled smoke. "Seasoning Ovens?" He cocked his eyebrow, his bright blue eyes shining in confusion. "And that requires smoke billowing out of the back of your building?"

Dean's mouth failed to move, entranced as he was with the gorgeous man in a firefighter's uniform in front of him. Charlie shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Call your guys off so nothing is destroyed by water, and we'll show you." She turned the firefighter back to the entrance and waited 'til he was outside before smacking Dean. "Rush your blood back to your head, will you?"

Tags: AU - Coffee Shops and Firefighters, Baker Dean, Firefighter Castiel, Strangers to Lovers, Uniform Kink, Panty Kink, Semi-Public Sex, Dom/Sub Undertones, Bad BDSM Etiquette

For the Last Time (E, 37k) - co-created with @little-crazy-misha-minion

It's been three years since Dean's had any kind of vacation. Until now. Sam and Eileen gift him a cruise as a thank you for all the things he's done for Sam, for them, for the whole family. A week away at sea seems like an ideal vacation. Still, when your name is Dean Winchester, and nothing in your life has ever gone your way, it looks like a disaster waiting to happen. Can a new friend help him turn his luck around and help him navigate the rough waters?

Tags: AU - Cruises, Closeted Bi Dean Winchester, Gay Castiel, LGBTQ Themes, Angst with a Happy Ending, NonCon Kissing (not Destiel), Anxiety/PTSD, Song Fic, Clubbing, DCBB2019

To Confess (E, 8.5k)

"So get this... We've got couples missing at a couples retreat the next state over."

"Which lovely lady you going with?" Dean uncrossed his arms and smacked Cas' hand away from the tablet so he could scroll through the article.

"Can't find one. Charlie's still not back. Jody's taking Donna on a hunt."

Cas looked up. "Well, there was a lesbian couple that went missing. You can choose a male partner."

"I was hoping you'd say that, Cas." Sam shot a look at Dean before smiling at Cas. "Will you do me the honor of being my fake husband for a case?"

"Excuse me?" Dean shot a look at Sam.

"Well, I'm not asking you, Dean." Sam shook his head. "That's... Yeah, no."

Dean crossed his arms over his chest again. "Why are you and Cas going? Cas is my best friend. He and I can pull it off better than you two can."

Tags: Canonverse, Case Fic, Idiots in Love, Fake Relationship, Breaking Up & Making up, Pray for Sam, Sam Winchester ships Destiel, Angst and Porn, Happy Ending

It’s About To Be Legendary (G, 1.5k)

"I don't want to kill a human!" Luna hissed, her whisper carrying softly so only her boyfriend could hear her. "If you mess up, you'll bring down hunters upon the pack." She whimpered. "You could bring the Winchesters upon us." Apollo stood up and turned around, his shoulders squaring out as he attempted to intimidate Luna into following his lead. "First of all, I'm not going going to fuck up, Lu. Have a little faith in your boyfriend. Second, the Winchesters are a myth. An urban legend. Something our parents tell us to make sure we follow Pack Law."

Tags: AU - Everyone Lives, Hunters and Hunting, Halloween Fic, Urban Legends

prolixdreams - @bringmefleshandbringmewine - prolixdreams

And The World Kept Turning (G, 4k)

It’s getting harder and harder to die.

Cigarettes disappeared off the market forty years past.

Proper alcohol, the poisonous kind, was banned almost immediately once a safer synthetic got a foothold in the market.

Every pill and patch is equipped with tiny computers to detect blood levels of a chemical and only release their payload when the concentration dips below a pre-set threshold, making overdose nearly impossible with anything obtained legally.

Even sweeteners are tightly regulated and highly taxed.

And now, January 17th, 2089, Castiel’s tablet feeds him another headline that promises longer, safer lives for all:

HUMAN-DRIVEN CARS FINALLY OFF ROADS FOR GOOD

Tags: Major Character Death (Implied/Referenced), Future Fic, Castiel drives the Impala

Sarasaurussex - @sarasaurussex - sarasaurussex

Sarasaurussex's Inktober, Suptober, and Profound Inktober Masterlist (NSFW, contains multishipping)

This is all of my Supernatual art for Inktober, Suptober, and Profound Inktober. Mostly Destiel, but contains non-Destiel ships (Sabriel and Sastiel).

Dress For Success (E, 2k)

Written for the Supernatural Kink Bingo on tumblr. My prompt was 'clothing sharing'. Art commissioned by Purgatory-Jar!

Tags: Clothing Sharing Kink, Humor, Smut

Wherever I May Roam (E, 11.5k, contains multishipping)

Summary: Sam and Dean get sent to another TV Land that's slightly different than the last. In this version, Jensen and Misha are dating. Written for Supernatural Kink Bingo on tumblr. My prompt was 'roleplay'.

Tags: Destiel, Cockles, Dean x Misha, Dub-Con due to Identity Issues, Idiots to Lovers, First Time, Arguing, Fluff, Smut

iCeDreams - iCeDreams

Chasing Polaris (E, 52k) - co-created with Takai13sama

Dean Winchester feels closed-in with his life at the behemoth, Mary’s Ark. His father has set him up with an arranged marriage and is refusing to budge on Dean’s suggestions to improve the steam engines. So... he does the most obvious thing surly young men do: he runs away.

While leaving the steam capital, he inadvertently meets Emmanuel, a man with secrets of his own, intriguing Dean enough to offer him a ride to a common destination.

It’s a serendipitous encounter, a trip across the country, and a chance to find where they need to be.

Tags: Steampunk, Arranged Marriage, Road Trip, Running Away

EmiliaOagi - @emiliaoagi - EmiliaOagi

It’s How You Use It (M, 2.5k)

One night Castiel discovers Supernatural fanfiction. Then Dean walks in. Some very meta crack with a smidgen of smut. Based on a prompt from the Profound Bond Discord.

Tags: Smut, Humor, Meta, Crack

Goose!Dean Crack Post 1 (SFW)

Art inspired by Untitled Goose Game and a Discord prompt: goose!Dean playing a prank on a poor unsuspecting Sam.

Goose!Dean Crack Post 2 (SFW)

Goose!Dean really wants that burger. Cas disagrees.

LeafZelindor - @leafzelindor - 

Ink/Suptober collection (SFW)

Just the short collection of the destiel pics I did during Inktober/suptober.

Art for Crayons and Candybars (SFW)

Artwork done for the DCBB fic Crayons and Candybars, written by I. Franco

rauko-is-a-free-elf - @rauko-is-a-free-elf - FeaRauko

Ocean’s Brawl (M, 55k)

In a time of oppression, the Winchester brothers and their family of misfit pirates sail the seas attacking slave traders and offering the liberated passage to safe-havens, or–if they choose it–a home on the Impala as part of Team Free Will.

Dean meets Castiel, a Naval Captain with orders to enlist him and his band of honorable sea rovers as privateers. Dean refuses, but they end up working together when Castiel offers his vessel as transport for some rescued slaves. Castiel, in turn, travels with Dean as collateral to ensure there is no foul play.

Along the way, Castiel witnesses the horrors of slavery and begins to doubt his cause, even fighting alongside Dean against a French vessel–Castiel’s own people. Castiel comes to admire this wild crew and their kind hearts…perhaps falling for one man in particular.

Tags: pirate!Dean, naval officer!Cas, enemies to lovers, team free will, openly bi!Dean, demisexual!Cas, swashbuckling, battles, shanties

Rapunzel, Rapunzel (SFW)

Art for @diminuel‘s fic, Rapunzel, Rapunzel

Tags: Rapunzel!au, fairy tale!au, prince!Dean, witch!Cas

Bisexualdemondean - outfit (SFW)

Art created for bisexualdemondean in response to the question: "What if I just wanted to look sluttier?"

Tags: demon!dean art, bisexualdemondean art

Autumn - Eileen (SFW)

Art for Day 1 of winchester-reload's suptoberart challenge

Tags: Eileen Leahy

"Good Thing I'm Yours, Then" (SFW)

Art for winchester-reaload's suptober challenge: Day 3 - Royalty Inspired by @casbeanwrites‘ fic Kiss Me Where I Lay Down

Tags: servant!Dean, prince!cas, fic art

"Kids These Days" - Art for Clarity (SFW)

Destiel art for @aloha-cowgirl‘s fic Clarity

[mittensmorgul]

Since the finale aired, I’ve been yammering on about how it would’ve only worked as a finale to s2, and now that I’m actually rewatching s2, I stand by that even more staunchly. The finale doesn’t work in a post-s2 supernatural universe.

This is the version of Dean we saw in the finale-- the one whose only mission in life was to Save Sammy, to help him get his revenge and allow him to go out and live a Normal Safe Life pretending that hunting and monsters don’t exist. The one who just wanted some pie, to drive his car, and had no real connections beyond Sam in the world outside of Bobby. Even Dean’s characterization in the finale is this far younger Dean who’d never allowed himself to crack open and truly understand love. It would take me years to plow through everything I’ve ever written about him as a character and his long struggle to emotional maturity we saw evolve over the next 13 years beyond this episode, but the tl;dr will always be “this s2 Dean is the same as the Dean in the finale.”

The goal of s2 was saving SAM from his “destiny,” too. In this era of the show, Dean didn’t have a “destiny” the same way Sam did. The ONLY thing that mattered was freeing Sam from “becoming evil,” and being manipulated into terrible things. What Dean wanted, what he was “destined” for by the narrative was irrelevant, because all of his choices and emotional burdens were tied only to saving Sam. To freeing Sam so he could safely return to his “normal life.” Go back to college, have a family and the white picket fence life.

This was before Dean truly began fighting for HIMSELF. Which only really and truly began after he sells his soul to resurrect Sam. That’s when Dean truly begins fighting for himself. Sure, he’s angry with John during s2 for trading his own life for Dean’s, for putting the burden of “if you can’t save Sam, you’ll have to kill him” on his shoulders with his dying breath, but Dean is still fighting against John’s authority and the complicated tangle of feelings of his own childhood and not actually coming to terms with his own wants and needs and wishes out beyond that yet. He’s still unwittingly confronting the “destiny” John had set up for him, and hasn’t moved beyond that yet. It’s only trading his soul for Sam’s that finally brings Dean into the cosmic narrative that will fuel his introspection and personal growth for the rest of the series.

And out beyond that point, his entire character arc explodes into orbit.

Dean’s entire character arc in s3 is confronting this very basic fact: he doesn’t deserve to have been sacrificed just to save Sam. He doesn’t deserve that burden, and he does deserve to live. This is the realization he comes to before eventually being dragged to Hell and then rescued by an angel, who literally tells him, “you don’t think you deserve to be saved” in the aftermath of that. From that point on, we have TWELVE SEASONS of Dean struggling with what he “deserves” versus what is “fate” and “destiny” and eventually confronting what he WANTS if he truly could choose his own destiny.

Plus, out beyond that point, he has Cas. And nothing changes Dean, pushes him to grow and understand himself, and accept himself-- all of himself, from the good to the horrific-- than the pure and unflinching acceptance of Castiel. Cas never looked at him and said “you are evil,” or “you are worthless.” (well, they’ve both said some pretty awful stuff to each other over the years, but there was either brainwashing or other deeper issues pushing those things on them, and they have ALWAYS eventually come back to one another, and the awful stuff was dealt with). Point is, Dean and Cas both began running these parallel arcs of duty versus desire, and for Dean, the duty was always framed around “taking care of Sam” versus pursuing any sort of ambition or goals for himself. They would fight for this for most of the rest of the series, until eventually the goal for ALL of them would be about discovering what they would want for themselves.

The show explicitly dealt with this, repeatedly, over later seasons, asking all of the characters the big questions: is this what you would choose for yourself? What WOULD you choose for yourself if you could?

And then they made the narrative of the final season, of the final Big Bad, the fact that they had NEVER had real freedom, and that their entire lives (and the entire history of not only this universe but every parallel universe) had been Chuck’s Puppet Theater, and true free will had been a lie all this time. Pushing all of the characters to confront their own choices and understand what about who they were as people was separate from what Chuck pushed them into choosing and doing all these years. The main thing that Dean (and also Cas, and to the extent she was included in the narrative this was Eileen’s issue as well) were being pushed to come to terms with what really was real, and were their feelings and choices their own or imposed on them for the furtherance of Chuck’s story.

At the end of the road, finally free and out from under Chuck’s control, they knew what was real. For Sam and Eileen, they had chosen each other. Cas had chosen Dean, but Dean hadn’t yet had a chance to reply, but anyone with two eyes and a brain knows what he would’ve said in return. It’s what Cas stopped him from saying even back in Purgatory in 15.09. And yet, for some reason Sam and Dean forgot all of that, as if none of it had ever even really happened at all, and we went right back to who they were right after they finally defeated the YED, before we even knew Azazel had a name, let alone the fact that the ultimate boogeyman of their entire lives to that point had been nothing more than a fanatic pawn in a much larger destiny for both of them.

The end of s2 was the last time Dean sacrificing himself so Sam could have a normal life, where Dean really felt there was nothing more for himself than fulfilling his father’s orders to save Sammy, even feels remotely plausible. It’s the last time we can feel like Dean might find peace and contentment in a Heaven where John is nearby to be proud of him, and where Dean would actually feel like that validation was even relevant to his own life.

And that finally brings me back to s2, where that was actually addressed through John’s self-sacrifice to save Dean, to serve Dean up to the narrative and provide a stage for this self-transformative journey INTO being a version of John himself. Only... Dean DOESN’T choose that. He fights to save Sam at all costs, even when it seems clear that the right answer would probably be to KILL Sam instead. When not only the ghost of John Winchester plaguing Dean’s mind would make him doubt his own drive to save his brother, but the John Winchester Insert Character of s2-- Gordon Walker-- basically put Dean’s own doubts out there in plain words in 2.10:

GORDON: I'm surprised at you, Dean. Getting all emotional. I'd heard you were more of a professional than this. Look, let's say you were cruising around in that car of yours and, uh, you had little Hitler riding shotgun, right? Back when he was just some goofy, crappy artist. But you knew what he was going to turn into someday. You'd take him out, no questions, am I right?

DEAN: That's not Sam.

GORDON: Yes it is. You just can't see it yet. Dean, it's his destiny. Look, I'm sympathetic. He's your brother, you love the guy. This has got to hurt like hell for you. But here's the thing. It would wreck him. But your dad? If it really came right down to it, he would have had the stones to do the right thing here. But you're telling me you're not the man he is?

This, the episode where Dean finally confesses John’s final orders to Sam, where Dean has decided that saving Sam is all that matters, even when circumstance and everyone else is practically screaming at him that this could all be over if only he gave in-- be it his own self-sacrifice OR killing Sam. Six of one, half a dozen of the other, the universe doesn’t care (and neither does Chuck... especially at this point... and the proof of that is Sam’s s15 nightmares where one of Chuck’s alternate universe endings for Sam and Dean was Sam actually going Darkside on demon blood and killing Dean... any iteration of the old drama, Chuck has explored all potential endings-- oh, except the ending where TFW gets to just be happy and live... that’s the one ending they never get and the only one they deserved in the end).

also from 2.10... loads of chat about “destiny” and one of Dean’s first “we should just lay all this shit down and take a vacation” moments when he suggests they go to Amsterdam and enjoy some of the not-coffee-coffee-shops, which Sam counters by doubling down on the fact that Dean has a destiny in all this as much as Sam does:

SAM: Well, come on, dude, you're a hunter. I mean, it's what you were meant to do.

DEAN: Ah, I wasn't meant to do anything, I don't believe in that destiny crap.

SAM: You mean you don't believe in my destiny.

DEAN: Yeah, whatever.

SAM: Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean, I ran all the way to California and look what happened. You can't run from this. And you can't protect me.

DEAN: I can try.

And that’s it, right there. This is the “neither of you can try for a normal life outside of the other while the other is still alive.” This is Sam pinning a destiny to Dean that’s just as inescapable within Chuck’s narrative as Sam’s demon blood and psychic powers. 

This is the core essence of Chuck’s story about them. The sibling dynamic that Chuck failed to free himself from, and that Sam and Dean failed to free themselves from after Chuck’s demise in 15.19.

Destiny. One must die so the other can live.

And considering the next 13 seasons of the show and the long and emotionally grueling character arcs Sam and Dean proceed through where they truly confront the core of who they are as people-- as individuals outside of their duty and destiny-- the finale ceases to make any sense outside of Chuck’s narrative for them. If 15.20 really happened exactly as we saw it on screen, then Chuck still won.

And they had to loop Sam and Dean all the way back to where they were emotionally at the end of s2 in order to make it seem plausible. Which, for those of us who actually care about what they endured after s2, makes the finale entirely implausible as a whole.

[themoonandotherslikeit]

The Daughter of a Righteous Man- Chapter 31

*SEQUEL TO THE LOOK IN HER EYES*

After her husband is drug to Hell, Ava Winchester and her brother in law Sam try their best to do right by Dean and raise her daughter, only to find that good intentions aren’t always enough. Loving someone isnt always enough.

Chapter Thirty-One, We Would Always End Here 

Ella

About sixteen years later

I walked through the bunker after leaving Dads room. I didn't know how I was supposed to do this. How I was supposed to let this go? I made my way into the kitchen to make myself a cup of chamomile tea. Sam sat, leaned over his books, scratching his head.

"Hey," I said to him.

Clementine was curled up in his lap, fast asleep. I smiled a bit. Bunch of softies.

"Hey,” he grunted. He had a solid beard growing, and his eyes were bloodshot.

"You look tired," I said, grabbing his empty coffee cup. I started a new batch.

"Feel tired,” he admitted.

"Any leads?"

"Not really,” he sighed. "He still trying to go in the coffin?"

"You know he is," I sighed, crossing my arms. I pulled my robe closed over my pajamas and wiped a tear off my cheek. "He insists its the only way."

"It can't be," Sam said, burying his face in his hands. "After all we've been through, after all he's done, this isn't how his story ends."

I nodded. "Definitely isn't," I agreed. "We will find something. We always do."

I poured his cup of coffee and handed it to him.

"Thanks, El."

"Welcome," I said. I put the tea kettle on the stove and plopped down next to him. "He was talking about Mom."

"He was?" Sam glanced at me. "What about her?"

"The first night they spent together. After some werewolf hunt where she saved you guys."

Sam smiled a bit. "Yeah, she did that fairly often."

I rested my chin on my palms and looked at him. "Why don't you guys talk about her?"

"Just hurts, ya know?"

"Still?"

"No matter how much time passes, it never dulls the pain you feel when you lose someone you love."

I winced. I will miss Dad for the rest of my life. I will be heartbroken forever. I wanted to throw up.

"Hey," Sam said, reaching for my hand. "He's gonna be fine. He's Dean Winchester. We have fought the devil, survived the apocalypse, Hell, Purgatory. He isn't going to let some Arc Angel take him down. No way."

"I'm going to choose to believe you," I said slowly. "Because the alternative is too damn depressing."

"I'll say," Sam said with a smile. "Hey, come here." He pulled my chair to him and turned me around. He gathered my long hair in his hands and french braided it down my back. I closed my eyes. Dad and Sam were both really good braiders. They never would say who taught them or why they knew, but there was something calm about it.

"Did Mom teach you guys how to braid?"

"Yeah," Sam said with a soft chuckle. "We were pretty whipped. Yours is a lot easier, though. She had these wild curls."

"How did she die, Sam?"

He tied off the bottom of my hair and patted my shoulder. "Not for me to say, kid."

"Dad is going to die before he tells me. I'll never know."

"Some things are better not knowing,” he said seriously. The tea kettle whistled. "Get it before it wakes up Jack. You know that kid barely sleeps."

"Right," I said, weakly, standing up. I poured my tea into my cup, and dropped the bag in, letting it steep.

I lived in a house of lies. I gripped my cup tightly. I just didn't know why they were lying. Something happened to her, and maybe if I had all of the information I could help my dad. I couldn't lose another parent. I couldn't spend my life missing another person.

Ava

Present

I sat in the rocking chair, my heels raising and hitting the ground on repeat trying to rock Nel to sleep, but she just stared up at me. Her fingers were twisted in my hair, tugging, but I didn't care. Her bright eyes looked at me in wonder. She had so much ahead of her. I could feel it. She was destined for greatness. "Your Daddy will save the world."I promised her, kissing her tiny fist. "We will raise you to be a great woman. You will have everything..." It was impossible to describe how much I loved her.

She cooed up at me and my heart melted. If the world wasn't burning around me, I would just do this. I would die in this chair, staring down at my growing child.

"But for now, princess, you have to sleep." I touched her nose, causing her to sneeze. So fucking cute!

"No luck?" Lacey asked me, coming back in from the kitchen.

"Not really," I admitted.

She handed me a bottle and I tried offering it to Nel. She took it, although she looked bored as she suckled. Her eyes were scanning the room.

"It was so much easier when I could breast feed," I sighed. "I hate giving it up."

"Makes things easier, though. When you aren't here." Lacey sat down on the couch, watching me rock her.

"I miss the bond," I sighed, before my eyes met Lacey's. "You can go home, Lace. If you need to."

"I know." She smiled genuinely. "But I'm here to help you. You've got some big shit on the horizon."

"That's an understatement." I laughed, drawing designs on Nel's puffy cheeks. "You're a good friend. I don't deserve it."

"You're saving the world. It's the least I can do."

I smiled weakly.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm worried about Dean."

"Hunky husband. Where is he?"

"I don't know. He disappeared in my arms."

"What?" Lace raised an eyebrow.

"He said the angels would come for him. I hope that's what happened. He left his phone... I can't reach him." I looked down at Nel. Her eyelids looking heavier. "I'm trying to stay calm."

"Are you even human?" Lacey asked, alarmed. "I'd be freaking out!"

"Thanks, Lace. Way to keep me calm." I laughed dryly.

"Sorry, I just... don't you think you should be looking for him?"

"I think I should just wait here. I don't know where to go." I shook my head. "I'm at a loss here, Lace. I know he will call me when he can."

"Will he? Or will he just try to do this alone?"

I considered that, biting my lip. "Maybe. I have to trust him, though. That's what marriage is."

As if on cue my phone rang next to me. I picked it up, standing with Nel, the sound of the phone ringing alerted her out of her impending sleep, and she dropped her bottle. I put her on my shoulder and patted her back. "Hello? Chuck? Is that you?"

"Ave, it's me."

"Dean?"

"I'm on Chucks phone."

"I see that. Are you okay? What happened?"

"Angels. Fuckin angels. Cas helped me escape.. we... we have to get to Sammy. Lilith is the last seal. Killing her is the last seal. He's walkin right into a trap."

"Oh my god," I said into the phone. "Where are you? I'll come right away."

I didn't see it coming. How could I have? At least that's what I'd ask myself later.

I was barely able to react as the lamp from my side table collided with the back of my head. My phone clattered to the floor. I protected Nel in my arms, who was screaming now. I was on the ground, even though I didn't remember falling. My vision was blurry. What is... Lacey stood over me, holding the lamp. "I can't let you go to him. I can't let you stop, Sam."

"Lacey what are you..."

"God, you Winchester's just don't know when to shut up, do you?" She reached down and picked up Nel. I tried to sit up, but she pressed her boot to my mouth. "Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Don't bother getting up. I don't need to hit you again, Ava. That'll do."

"Why are you doing this?" I mumbled against the rubber of her boot.

She tilted her head to the side, her short blonde hair falling into her eyes. "Lucifer must rise," she murmured, her eyes flickering black. "Just as it was foretold."

Sam

Present

My phone rang and Dean's name glowed and danced on my screen. I hit the ignore button before I could be tempted. He was going to talk me out of it. I had to end this. It was my destiny. It was my... I could hear kicking and muffled screams from the trunk of the car. Ruby had a demon in my trunk. An innocent woman being possessed by a demon. What was I doing? Dean had to be right. He always was. He was my brother.

I was coming down from the high that the blood brought, and I was having some serious reservations.

"Are we doing this or what?" Ruby asked, crossing her arms. "Come on, Sam. You know what you have to do. We have to kill Lilith, or we are going to be on the wrong side of the apocalypse. Or did you forget that I was trying to help you."

"I know," I said, running my fingers through my hair. "Your ways are just..."

"Inventive?"

"Something like that."

"Sam this is the way. You know this is the way."

"But an innocent woman..."

"All those demons that you kill with the knife.. what do you think happens to those people?"

My stomach dropped. I didn't.

"You're going her a favor, Sam. Otherwise she would die a long, painful, drawn out death, and the world will be in eternal hellfire, and honestly who wants that?"

"Ruby this is wrong," I said desperately. I knew she was a demon, but after everything she had to understand...

"It isn't easy, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. What is one girl compared to saving the entire world. Don't be stupid, Sam."

"I'm just starting to think that Dean was right."

"About what?" She asked, stiffly.

"Everything," I said, leaning against the car.

"He isn't. You aren't a monster. You're just a man who wants to make a difference." She touched my arm. "Come on, it's now or never."

"Just give me a minute Ruby!" I said, shrugging her hand off.

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Why'd you ignore his call if you are all team Dean all of a sudden?"

"I don't know," I admitted, pulling my phone back out. I opened my voice mail and selected for it to play. My hand shook, as I yearned for my brothers voice. My confidant. My mentor.

"Listen to me, you bloodsucking freak. Dad always said I'd either have to save you or kill you. Well, I'm giving you fair warning. I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster, Sam...a vampire. You're not you anymore. And there's no going back." Beep.

It was all fucking over.

My eyes flicked to Ruby. "Get the knife."

Ruby tossed me the knife, and I popped the trunk. The blonde nurse struggled in her restraints. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked terrified. You're a monster, Sam. He was right.

I grabbed her, and pulled her into my arms. "Please,” she murmured against the gag, sobbing.

"I'm sorry," I said, before pressing the knife to her corroded artery, and pressing my lips to her open wound, bleeding her dry.

Dean

Present

"Ava? Ava? Fuck! Something is wrong Cas we have to..."

"We have to get to Sam," Cas said flatly. "You have to stop him. You're the only chance, Dean, I wasn't lying when I said that. You know where he will be, go to him."

I looked around, clenching my fists. "Fine, but you have to find Ava. Make sure she's okay."

"Yes,” he said with a nod. "I will."

"And Cas?"

"Yes Dean?"

"Thanks."

"Don't thank me yet, Dean," Cas said, before disappearing.

I jogged out of Chucks house and hopped into the Impala. I dialed Sams number as I drove toward the convent where it was all going to go down. I didn't have much time. "You've reached Sam's other cell. Leave me a message." Beep.

"Sammy," I sighed. "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Listen, man. You aren't a monster. You're doing what you think is best. It's all we can do, but they're liars. Sam they're all liars. Whatever you do, don't go to the convent. Don't kill Lilith. It's a trap. She's the last seal. Please listen to me, Sammy. If you've ever trusted me it's time to trust me now. Poughkeepsie man, Poughkeepsie."

I hung up the phone and drove as fast as I could. Wind and rain howled around me. It was like a fucking lightening storm. Omens. I thought to myself as I gripped the steering wheel. "Cas!" I shouted out a prayer. "Tell me Ave is okay! Christ, man!" How was I supposed to keep going, to fight the good fight if I didn't know if she was safe.

"Fuck!" I shouted, hitting the steering wheel.

The Impala climbed up the hill to St Mary's. It looked almost Victorian, which didn't make a lot of sense for where we were at. I pushed my car to the max, rushing as quickly as I could up the hill as I could. I had to make it to Sammy before it was too late.

Ava

"Ow," I whispered, touching the back of my head. My hand was covered in blood. Great. I blinked a few times. Where am I? It looked like a church, or a convent. There was a large cross with Jesus nailed to it, he was weeping.

I tried to stand up, but I couldn't move.

"Sorry, sweetie. I can't let you get up."

I turned my eyes up to see Lacey cradling Nel. "What a little cutie, isn't she?"

"What are you doing?" I hissed. "Give me my daughter back.”

"Is she even your daughter? You've barely been home." She gasped dramatically.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Lacey." She smiled. "You thought you made a friend that easily? Oh honey. It was torture being your friend, and I've been to actual Hell. I know all about torture." She laughed darkly. "You said it yourself. This little one has a big destiny. I'll make sure of that."

"What are you saying?" I asked, desperately fighting against the invisible restraints.

Lacey rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers, removing my voice. I gasped and tried to scream to no avail.

"God you just keep talking. Come here little Eleanor. I won't make you listen to her anymore."

I closed my eyes, tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn't know how, but suddenly I knew that this was the end. Dean, wherever you are... I love you and I'm so sorry I couldn't protect her. I let her do this. I let her into our lives... and now... now it's all over.

"Is this her?

"Yes," Lacey said in response to another female voice.

I opened my eyes, but everything was blurry from my tears. From the air. There was a darkness in here. I could feel it to my core. Whatever just entered the room was evil. It was like how the air changed right before a storm. I shifted a little against the pressure on my body from Lacey holding me down.

Who are you?

"Sam should be here any minute,” the woman said. "He is coming to kill me."

Lilith.

"Just as it was foretold, the first demon will be the last seal," Lacey said proudly. "And here I have the next generation. Consider it an insurance policy."

"It was the right move," Lilith agreed. "Plus." She smiled. "If the child is in danger, there's nothing Sam won't do to protect her. His honor will be his destruction."

Oh, Sam. Please don't... don't walk into a trap. But I knew, from all of my time with the Winchesters, that that was exactly what he was going to do.

Lacey looked toward the door. "Lilith it's time,” she said softly, before walking to me, and laying on the floor next to me, Nel sleeping innocently in her arms. I thrashed again, trying to reach her, but my own body betrayed me. I couldn't reach, I couldn't move, all I felt was pain. My chest ached and cried out. My throat burned from the sobs that wracked my body.

The doors to the sanctuary flew open and Sam stepped into the door with Ruby at his flank. Thunder rolled, almost shaking the room. It seemed like it was storming heavily outside. I could hear the rain and hail slam against the large stained glass window at the peak of the sanctuary.

Sam put his hand out, palm flat and Lilith flung across the room, slamming into the alter. He hadn't seen us yet.

"Sam!" Lacey cried out before she faked silence as well.

"What the?"

Lilith flicked her hand, pushing Sam back. He reacted quickly and put his own hand out, pushing her back against the alter and holding her there. I watched her strain and fight against him, much like how I was fighting. I heard the sound of boots on the stone floor and I squinted through the door, and for a second he was there. I thought we'd made it. If he was here it would all be okay. It always was.

Dean.

Ruby grinned and flicked her wrist, the doors slamming shut right in front of him. "No!" He screamed, but they were immediately muffled but the wind whirling angrily outside the church.

I closed my eyes tightly again. He will find a way. He always does.

Sam walked toward Lilith. "Don't worry, Ave. I won't let her hurt you."

It's not just her! I wanted to scream, desperately, but nothing came out.

"I've been waiting for this... for a very long time, he said early, his fingers curling into a fist.

"Then give me your best shot,” she hissed.

He held out both hands and shouted, focusing everything he had. His eyes were clamped shut before they flung back open. His pupils had taken over the white of his eyes. Demon black. He opened his fists and shouted out as a pulse of white light came from him and stroked Lilith. She screamed out in pain, but only for a second.

"Sam!" Dean screamed through the door, his fists slamming against it. He didn't see us. Maybe it was for the best.

Sam turned to look at the door.

"Sam! Sammy!"

"Dean?"

Ruby stepped to him, putting her mouth near his face. "What are you waiting for?! Now! Sam, now!"

Lilith spit out blood and laughed, her teeth red. "You turned yourself into a freak. A monster. And now you're not gonna bite? I'm sorry, but that is honestly adorable."

I hoped she was right.

Sam turned, and I saw the look on his face. The blackness of his eyes and the smile on his face. He was going to do it, and fuck, he was going to like it. He held out a hand, and effortlessly sent a ball of power, of light, of energy right into Lilith chest. She convulsed, and yowled out in a way that was almost animalistic. The burn marks on her chest from the energy lit flame, and she combusted into a poof of smoldering, black ashes.

The fire came out, igniting her blood from before in a pattern, a circle and then it twisted in on itself. Oh no!

"What the hell?" Sam asked, stepping back. His eyes were his own again, and he looked freaked.

"I can't believe it," Ruby murmured.

"Ruby, what's going on?" He turned to her.

"You did it. I mean, it was a little touch-and-go there for a while, but... you did it."

"What? What did I do?"

A smile grew on her face, her eyes lighting up in the flames. "You opened the door. And now he's free at last. He's free at last!"

Sam covered his mouth. "No, no, no. I stopped her. I killed Lilith!"

"And it is written that the first demon shall be the last seal. And you bust her open. Now guess who's coming to dinner?"

"Oh, my god."

"Guess again."

"You lying bitch!" He held his hand out, and nothing happened.

"Don't hurt yourself, Sammy. It's useless. You shot your payload on the boss."

I thrashed against my restraints that still held well. My breathing was getting more difficult, like the air in the room was getting sucked away by something.

"The blood... You poisoned me."

"No. It wasn't the blood. It was you... and your choices. I just gave you the options, and you chose the right path every time. You didn't need the feather to fly, you had it in you the whole time, Dumbo! I know it's hard to see it now... but this is a miracle. So long coming. Everything Azazel did, and Lilith did. Just to get you here. And you were the only one who could do it."

"Why? W-why me?"

"Because... because it had to be you, Sammy. It always had to be you. You saved us. You set him free. And he's gonna be grateful. He's gonna repay you in ways that you can't even imagine."

I turned to Lacey and she winked at me making a shh motion with her fingers.

A cracking sound came from my right and I turned in time to see Dean kicking through the doors. He looked stressed, his eyes wild, a statue in his hand that he was obviously using to break down the door.

"You're too late," Ruby said with a grin.

"I don't care,” he said, holding the demon knife up to her. She was so cocky, so happy with herself that she let her guard down enough for Sam to reach around her and hold her in place, just long enough for Dean to stab the knife into her chest.

Electricity seemed to roll through her as she convulsed, the creature under her skin dying and turning to dust.

"I'm sorry," Sam said, his voice breaking.

"I know," Dean said, before turning his head. He must've felt me watching, begging inside of my mind. "Christ! Ava!" His hand left Sams shoulder and he broke into a run after me. "Lacey! Ave! Can you move?"

Lacey sighed, sitting up a bit. "Killing Lilith must've broken her holds on me."

"Are you okay? Is Nel?" He asked, desperately.

"Oh, sweetie, she is so much better than okay."

"What?" He asked, frowning.

Sam ran to my side and tried to pull me up, but I still appeared bolted to the floor. I tried to dart my eyes to Lacey, to warn him. Sam PLEASE! I begged.

The flames were still circling, but the pattern looked close to completion. We had to leave, but I had a feeling this was far from over, and not all of us would walk out of here. I just wish I could warn them.

"She's magnificent."

"Dean she can't move,," Sam said, trying to pull me off the floor.

Deans eyes went from me to Nel. "Give me the baby, Lacey."

"I don't think I'm going to do that, Dean,” she said sinisterly.

"Give me the fucking baby." He took a step toward her, and Nel sniffled, and began to cry in Lacey's arms.

"Ohh, shes hungry. Aren't you little one? I'm sure you don't mind, do you Dean?" She flicked her wrist, sending Sam and Dean to the floor, trapped just like I was.

"What the fuck?" Dean asked as he hit the floor hard.

"Well I have been feeding her, you know. I'm sure she would prefer it if I just made her dinner." Lacey walked to the alter, stepping around the flames and laid Nel down. She pulled a knife out of her boot and sliced her palm open, squeezing the blood right into the open mouth of our child.

"No!" I screamed out, breaking through her compulsion. Seeing what she was doing was enough for me to overpower her, to rip myself out of her hold for just long enough for me to charge her. Blood rolled down Nel's lips, and the sudden noise made her scream out again.

I grabbed ahold of Lacey, knocking her to the ground. "You fucking bitch!" I screamed, and she just smiled up at me.

"Ave?" Dean called out desperately.

"You Winchesters," Lacey said, looking up at me. She pushed a curl out of my face. "So emotional."

Then I felt it all at once, the pain in my back. In my spine as she twisted her knife, severing my spine. I coughed out blood, tears of shock rolling down my cheeks. Lacey pushed her off of me. "I'll be back for you, kitten,” she whispered, placing a kiss on Nel's cheek before smoking out, her dead host falling to the floor next to me.

Dean

"Ava!" I shouted. Once Lacey smoked out Sam and I were released from her grip. I ran to her, pulling her into my arms.

Sam jogged over, pulling Nel off the alter. He quickly wiped her lips.

I held Ava in my arms as she convulsed, her eyes rolling back in her head. "Shh, it's okay. Ave it's okay. It's not that bad," I said, gripping her clothes. Tears were still rolling down her cheeks, even then. She was here the whole time. Cas didn't get to her. Lacey... fuck we left Lacey with Nel. Who knew how long she'd been feeding her that shit.

I held her against my chest. I could feel her lose consciousness. I could feel her slip away against me. With every beat of my heart she was further and further away. "It's going to be okay, Ave. I've got you. I won't let you go," I said into her hair. "You're the one, sweetheart. It's always been you. From the second I walked into that bar. It'll be okay, because everything with us is right. You're the only thing that's right." I rocked her slightly as she went limp in my arms. I reached down and kissed her lips. I felt her breath mingle with mine one last time.

She was gone. There were no trades. No swaps. There were no take backs. She was gone, for real. There was nothing I could do. Not this time. I was completely helpless. I should've known that we would always end up here. This was always the end for us. It was written in stone. No matter what, she was destined to die in my arms, and I was destined to spend my life without her.

About sixteen years later

My bed creaked next to me, pulling me from the nightmares that plagued me every night. This one was particular. Talking to Nel earlier brought that night back up. The night I lost her. The night that I worried that we would be constantly reliving the past. Making the same mistakes.

Ever since that night Sammy and I watched Nel, worrying that she was going to develop abilities like Sam had. A taste for blood, like Sam had. He'd only had one taste of the demon blood, and she probably had countless feeding sessions with her demon nanny, but so far everything was fine. She was a great kid.

I opened an eye to catch her crawling into bed next to me like she had when she was a child.

"Hey, kid," I yawned. "You good?"

"Just a bad dream,” she admitted, curling up next to me under the covers. I put an arm around her and kissed her head.

"Me too." I rolled onto my back and looked at the ceiling. "Want to talk about it?"

"I don't remember much... but there was an old church. Fire. You were screaming. It was horrible." She yawned. "Mind if I stay here tonight? I always sleep better when I'm not alone."

My blood ran cold, my heart pounding in my chest. "Yeah, kid. Sure."

"Thanks, Dad,” she said with another yawn. "I love you."

—————

Authors Note: 

And that’s all folks! Part 2 is officially complete! I cannot think y’all enough for your constant support of me and my writing. This series has had a big place in my heart, since it’s the thing that got me back into writing after my deep depression. Inspiration is an amazing thing. I want y’all to know that every single reblog, like, and comment gives me so much joy. There aren’t enough words for it. Mostly, though, I just wanted to say thank you so much. Keep an eye out, I’ll start posting Part 3 here in a day or so. I have about 19 chapters done already, and it’ll have a masterlist like the two previous parts. 

Part 3, What the Rain Can’t Wash Away

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[bluboothalassophile]

Living Magic

An idea I’m toying with, bear with me....

~~~*~*~*~~~

Lucifer stalked through the streets of New Orleans and lightly jogged down the stairs of the bar he was meeting with the Originals, and Winchesters. There were issues, he couldn’t even compound the difficulties of the situation they were in, and with one thousand three hundred and thirteen miles between them and a link while Michael was on the hunt for that particular little witch.

“Where the hell have you been!?” Dean’s voice snapped gruffly.

“Worried that we’ll devour your heart,” Rebekah taunted.

“Enough,” Elijah stated icily as he stood there, Lucifer put a hand in his pocket as he walked forward.

“We’re all here,” Klaus sneered.

“Lot of good that’s doing,” Sam said uneasily, and Lucifer sighed.

“What have you found brother?” Castiel asked him.

“The girl has a bind, which is why her soul is divided,” Lucifer snapped walking to the bar, Jody glared at him.

“And that means what?” Dean snapped.

“It means we’re in a bit of a bind,” Klaus taunted.

“I did not travel three thousand miles to be taunted by some dog,” Dean growled as he grabbed a silver dagger.

“Try it, I’m an Original!” Klaus taunted.

“You keep saying that like it means something!” Sam started.

“ENOUGH!” Lucifer shouted as he took his brandy and turned on the group. “Hunters don’t like monster, the Originals are not monsters, in the biblical sense,” Lucifer dismissed.

“They do the creepy in the dark,” Dean retorted.

“Can we just agree to not antagonize each other,” Elijah sighed in clear exhaustion.

“Agree,” Castiel said.

“What the fuck are we doing here?” Dean and Sam snapped.

“We are here because of the Gem’s incessant insisting that she is human, which creates a problem for all of us, human and supernatural alike,” Rebekah omitted.

“It bypasses those issues love,” Lucifer sighed taking a sip of the brandy, the flavorful burn was heady in nature. “It’s a cosmic issue, given the nature of my granddaughter.”

“So have Chuck snap his fingers and right the issue,” Dean suggested dryly.

Now Lucifer chuckled as he stood up straight. “Chuck couldn’t solve this issue even at the height of all his impressive powers.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Donna demanded.

“Pesky fact here, Chuck had four children sired of Light and Darkness, Himself and Mother. That would be Michael, Myself, Gabriel, and Raphael, the four Archangels, we surpass most in power and do stand on par with our father. Father alone created the other angels, like Castiel, composed entirely of light and his goodiness of goodness to stand as soldiers in his war. They’re powerful, but not on par with myself or my brothers. So, if a Nephilim sired from an Archangel and a human is able to create a different dimension for her own rule and life, as the Queen of Sheba did, what do you think a being like Trigon’s sire can do?” Lucifer said looking at the room. “No guesses? The Gem of Scath is a celestial being, capable of what only four other beings in our existence can do. But also she is bound by Endless laws of Magic and forged to rule over the Dark Multiverse, she is not some trivial demon like Crowley or a Prince of Hell, she is a being capable of so much more than creation and extinction, she is a key to the multiverse, and the precarious balance of the universe, she is a celestial being capable of Light and Dark Magic, something which no one but an Archangel is capable of, not even Chuck can perform the Magic this girl can. She isn’t some trivial trinket for the universe, she’s walking, breathing, living Magic and she is split.”

“You keep saying that,” Elijah said. “But split how? It appears that Rachel is in possession of too much power but rather healthy sane individual.”

“She’s a witch,” Jody shrugged off.

“You said she had a bind,” Cas started in confusion.

“What the hell is a bind?” Dean barked.

“She didn’t,” Elijah said, his attention alert now.

“A bind is a bond between celestial beings and the being of their choosing, it’s a magic bond, which is at the fundamental point of magic, Soul Magic, it isn’t common that a celestial being elects to form the bond, because the Magic is all consuming in nature and unbreakably binding.” Castiel said.

“So?”

“So the bond is only breakable by dual death of the bonded pair and even then death isn’t the final breaking point, some say the pairs are reincarnated, which is for the legends of the red string tying between lovers. Soulmates. Star crossed lovers. It is the bonding of two souls beyond eternity, and these two souls will always be destined to meet in whatever life thy live.”

“What?” Sam and Dean glared balefully at his little brother then.

“Bonds between celestial beings and the being they bond with are not all romantic like yourself and Castiel,” Lucifer chuckled. “There are bonds like myself and Maze’s, or as it appears Raven and this Jason fellow. Bonds are profoundly deep and dangerously binding, it is enough to split a soul, like Raven’s, even when summoned back to life. Half her soul, the half that acknowledges that she is Raven and a demi-demon and the celestial being she is, is not here. It is locked away, focused entirely on this Jason fellow, which is why she is Rachel, witch, not Raven demi-demon.”

“The girl did die though, the entire world watched it, so how is she here?” Elijah asked.

“She’s not an Original, and death is death,” Rebekah said icily.

“Who cares,” Klaus sneered.

“Raven is the product of Trigon, Trigon is the offspring of myself and Death,” Lucifer stated. “A Nephilim is powerful, but you’ve never witnessed true power until you meet the first, and only celestial demon. Trigon’s power is so great not even mother and father could seal him away. I could only manage to seal part of his power, and that was only after he ate the Brujería. Trigon is destruction, death, the end, even the Endless fear his power.”

“And how did a thing like Trigon come to be?” Sam asked dangerously lowly.

“Well, moose, it happens when Chuck bestows the Mark of Cain on an Archangel then casts them aside for creation. Father had no use for us after he had sealed mother in the Empty. My father’s actions of ignoring his family, or discarding my brothers and I to look after and care for the horde of fledglings he had left in our care created me a rather bitter taste towards life and the creation he had. Father’s gift to me, the Mark of Cain, a particularly nasty curse if you ask anyone who has had it, brought out the worst of me, and I made a pact with Death, we sired Trigon to destroy Chuck. After we realized what he had done, and father had sent my brothers to lock me in a cage in Hell Death worked with her brother Destiny to create the Gem of Scath, the only being who would be capable of standing against Trigon.

“The pact with Death was forged because father forgot who had wielded power before his existence and who would wield long after he ceased to be. Father’s attempt to cast Death into the Empty had infuriated her, our affair, our liaison, it was merely a matter of convenience. We both wanted father dead. However, it was only after Death birthed Trigon, and I sealed in Hell that we realized the error of our plan. We forged Raven’s homo-Magi lines from the greatest sorcerers the Earth had to offer, from Shaman, to Witches, to demi-gods, cultivating neither Light nor Dark Magic was the trick, because her lines would have to be pure Magic, and eventually we bound the lines we had been cultivating into one woman, Angela Roth, who suppressed her magic and yet still summoned Trigon and sired Raven. Raven’s soul bond is what split her soul on Blood’s ritual to bring her to life,” Lucifer growled.

“And this soul split is blocking her access to her identity and the universe imbalance?” Sam deduced.

“Yes, and Spectre and Michael’s hunt for her will not cease until she’s dead or in their grasp because until she’s whole again she’ll stand no chance against them,” Elijah deduced.

“Right you are,” Lucifer said bitterly.

“So who’s Jason and where do we find him and how the hell do we get her soul back together?” Dean demanded.

[pirate-and-soldier]

Deathcaster Forked Me Up (SPOILERS)

SO

DEATHCASTER WAS AWESOME AND WACKY AND SO GOOD BUT IM STILL SITTING HERE STARING AT THE WALL WAITING TO SEE IF SOME DISAPPEARING INK WILL MAGICALLY RESURFACE AND TELL ME WHAT THE F HAPPENED WITH EVERYONE ELSE—

Dont get me wrong, I absolutely L O V E this series and every book but like there seem to be a lot of loopholes and loose ends?? Did anyone else catch them? Or did I just completely skip over some important parts??

I literally read this in a little over 24 hours after getting this. I would’ve finished it yesterday had I gotten it earlier than 4:30 in the afternoon, but still.

WE GOT 647 PAGES OF AWESOMENESS I WANNA SCREAM RIGHT NOW

I’ll admit, I was kinda hoping for a bit more between Evan and Destin, considering that they both spend a LOT of time thinking about each other. I’m happy they got a reuninion, and that they were able to form an actual relationship and are planning to rule the Desert Coast together, but like—can I get a scene where they actually talk some stuff out? Before Destin was forcbly taken back to Arden by his father, he told/showed Evan that he thought he was a monster and believed it through and through. Evan told him that he wasn’t a monster and tried to convince him to see that. Yet we see no evidence whatsoever of them taking the time to talk about both that and other past things.

What happened to Destin’s mother, too? In the beginning just before General Karn is killed by his own son, Destin tells him that he can’t get revenge on his mother just because she birthed Destin because she was dead. We see a few lines here and there saying that it might be true but throughout what Deathcaster, that’s the only thing I saw that might have verified it. How did she die? And why? Why did Destin choose to tell his father that when all he wanted was for her to pay for having Destin anyway? What happened to the Destin’s extended family who were shown in the list of characters for the Shattered Realms series?

Honestly, though it may seem like I’m not happy about the conclusion, there are a lot of things that I really enjoyed. The humor was on point for me, I loved the characters, new and old, there were many surprising plot points, THERE WERE DRAGONS, we got to see the ship Evan and Destin repaired together, Destiny, Han is not fully gone and neither is Raisa, my favorite couples all ended up together happily, Destin and Evan were able to make peace, Evan, Breon, and Jenna found out who their family really is, the enemy spies were filtered out of court, and many more.

One thing that surprised and had me cackling was the fact that they had an actual exorcism. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT. Especially not at 1:30am. I’m not disgusted or horrified, I just find it funny how this series, which has never had anything even remotely related to something like that, had an actual exorcism in the final book. Though, looking back on the fact that Han was thought to have been possessed by demons when he still had yet to be born, and the fact that the Church of Saint Malthus had a much larger role in the second series than the last, with the addition of demons—actual demons, not the things that most southerners believed to have been demons—were set loose in Ragmarket to find Han in the very first book of this universe, this shouldn’t have surprised me that much.

Before anything else, I wanna discuss the fact that WTF MELLONY WAS BEHIND THE MURDERS??? I mean, of course other people were involved, BUT WHAT??? I know she was jealous about the fact that Raisa came back before Mellony could be crowned queen in the previous series, but honestly I thought that had been long forgotten and over with. I never suspected her for a second. That might have been why she was a go-to for people who could have done it; she had motive, reason, means, and since she tried in the past but was thought to have let it go to let her sister rule, she was virtually the perfect choice. Although I realize this, it still has me reeling over the fact that she was the one who actually did it.

I was disappointed to see that Han only showed up in tiny bits after Ash went to Aediion and saw him again. He didn’t go into the amulet for several years just to hang around and just pass on teeny tiny bits of advice. No, he went because he wanted to help his children in any way he could, meeting with them in Aediion, telling them about things they should be wary of, and overall just trying to connect with them again, to soend time with them even outside the grave. He wanted to see them and Raisa again, as many times as he could. Han was—is, still—my favorite character from the Secen Realms. His cunning and sharp willed personality was such a wonderful thing to read through. His little tidbits and slang words were so funny, and his humor, though sometimes dark or deprecating, always sent me into fits of laughter, no matter how many times I read them. He was charming, both to the other characters and the readers, making everyone fall in love with who he was. At times it felt like he was an actual person rather than a book character. Chima put all that beautiful work inti such a strong, relatable character—and then didn’t use him much in the rest of the series. I know his death was meant to be a catalyst for Ash and Lyss and many others, but when I learned that he could be in the amulet I though we would see more of him. Was his absense just because there was already so much going on in the book that it just wasn’t an inportant thing to address? Or was he, sadly, just such a small little part of that series that he wasn’t that important to the plot?

Like I said, there were other things that made me really happy with how the book was written. I loved the addition of the dragon hatchlings and the bonds they formed with the other characters. They might have been added a little last-minute, but I think they were a wonderful addition to the story, and they were certainly tied tightly with the string in which the rest of the plot was woven. Evan, though he started out with little knowledge on how he should actually treat dragons, ended up forming a bond with one of the dragons named Splinter who had a deformed wing, either because of past injury or a birth defect. He even took a page out of Destin’s book in order to make a little prosthetic so Splinter could fly again. The others also formed a close connection to the dragons. Poor Cas though, losing a large portion of his sight. At least he has Jenna to help guide him.

Hal, when he became king, was so awkward and jerky in that role that I couldn’t help but laugh. His brother was right, though, on how the role of king would be better in his hands than anyone else in the empire. He made an excellent king, and had great moments and made admittedly stupid yet wise decisions, like teaming up with Lyss in order to trick the empress. I really loved his role in the book.

I have much more to say about this series, but I won’t make this too long. If you’re interested in this series or the universe or anything, come and talk to me!!! Please!! I need every last fan of this series to talk to because honestly I could go on about this forever.