#Cause like I'm full of rage and destruction

[danger-noodle-uwu]

Trigger warning [mentions of killing/arguments/death/break-ups/cheating/etc]

Satan

Wrath is vengeful, wrath is destruction however this never bothered you or got in the way of dating Satan, The Avatar of wrath himself.

But as one could say, the true nature of a being could never remain under the covers. There was vengeance peering above the surface, and destruction awaiting at an unknown's doors, you did not knew.

Satan had great many contacts and to keep that up, he need to do few favors but not every favor was not-so-bloody. And lost in such an expectations of others did he forget an important day like today.

As always the day started as chaos, which couldn't have been helped either way and the blond had grown sick of that, unknown to the cause of chaos and decided to act upon the list he had, completely overlooking your smile, or the stunning outfit complimenting your figure or the day itself.

Upon this ignorance of his, you really wished face-palm. His demeanor was rather annoying, which only fueled you more to smack him. Really hard.

Today was well-planned, at least that's what you thought before dragging him away from his target and scolding him for leaving you on your own in a place crawling with demons.

Satan being the literal embodiment of wrath yet also your lover said "Get off me. I have things to do. And stop being so damn clingy." "Hey, it's your fault for leaving me on my special day!plus, there's sooo many things I wanna do toda–"

"Please shut up for once in your goddamn life!!" His sharp scream cut you off as his eyes bore into yours; eyes full of hatred and disgust as if you were a wretched grotesque placed before him.

Those words accompanied by his harsh glares was enough to make your heart shatter and knifes to be jabbed in your chest while eyes stung with tears that you pathetically hid by averting them as you asked "what did I do wrong..?"

Who knew that one sentence was enough to make those unshed tears flow and litter your rosy cheeks that he'd usually squish and fawn over but alas, all that comforted you was his back.

"Your whole being is the most ugliest!" Lies. Lies. He knew his tongue spat venom at you with words that could never be true because you're his world but the blinding rage doesn't allow him to say so and thus instead, his hand runs through golden locks out of pure frustration as he finally turned to face you.

There was something terrifying about him that very moment which made you mumble out a small "...I'm sorry..." before running off; the sharp pain in your heart only grew with him staring at you like that. It was all just too much. His wrath was suffocating you but to ruin your birthday without even remembering it.

You did didn't care for how bad your muscles ached as you ran further away from him. All that you wanted is to be alone and cry your heart out in hopes that this agony would subside yet part of you hoped that he cared and would come after you or stop you. Which never happened.

Satan has always been so...uncooperative and complicated towards everyone that it almost made him unreachable at times especially when it comes to Lucifer however today, it became different.

His face was scrunched and tense as Lucifer advised him to give you space before talking things out and perhaps getting you a gift as well for both an apology and your birthday; his body pacing back and forth in his room reconsidering things he's spoke until now, not even bothered to consider this as a special day while his elder patiently waited for him to calm down. They both how much you mean to Satan despite him hurting you and making you feel unwanted.

And would anyone look at the avatar of wrath while he's on his knees; practically begging to set things write and for you to accept his apology. However much like always, you don't fail at surprising him when your lips clumsily crash against his.

That he moment he knew how truly beautiful you are in every sense. From physical appearance to your dream-like soul. Every inch was perfect.

Asmodeus

'Touchy and irresponsible as always' you sighed looking over and frowning at Asmodeus who was so clearly lost in the seemingly endless attention they give him as their hands roam his body while he's biting his lip. He was enjoying this, wasn't he?

The thought of him being touched by somebody else made your stomach churn and eyes sting with hurt and envy; he was the avatar of lust, true but couldn't he not do this on your birthday at least and pay attention to you.

You could bet as to how pathetic you were looking drinking demonus with tears in your eyes and surrounded by demons who could just swallow you whole without your lover even batting an eye. Afterall, he'd rather be someone's bed warmer than your boyfriend.

"Hey...are you okay?" Honestly, you didn't know this stranger's name or anything about him but he still had some concern for your well-being; way more than your beloved however made you self-conscious as how pathetic you may have appeared and let your emotions get the best of you in front of unknown people.

"Yea..." you replied flushed from embarrassment and the crimson liquid that rested in your glass. It was really humiliating and made you feel awfully shy at the same time.

"If you say so, but don't hesitate to tell me if there's anything bothering you or if—" He leans closer to whisper in your ear before continuing "—someone's bothering you..." His voice was authoritative yet gentle much akin to a soft breeze from the human world despite being a demon.

"Oh! And I'm Ethan..." a blush ghosted over his cheeks as he realized that he hadn't even introduced himself while you told him yours as he gave you his number offering to help you just in case.

Truth be told, you were smiling to yourself glancing on the tissue that he wrote his number on and the fact that he even wrote happy to help made you grin wider. It was such a sweet gesture.

However unknownst to you, Asmo seemed to have noticed the whole interaction and was fuming with envy; so jealous that he could put Levi to shame. His face burned with heat and beads of sweat rolled down. He hated how that putrid demon had the audacity to flirt and blush at you yet his anger only stirred further when you smiled at him.

The avatar of lust stormed over to you and dragging you out of the fall, harsh grip on your wrist that would probably leave a bruise and then slammed you against the cold wall in the alleyway.

"What are you—!!" You were muffled by his lips smashing against yours; hands roaming your body as desire burned in your veins. Lips synced and danced against each other into a steamy make-out session however he pulled away.

"Why were you flirting with that guy?! You know that demons can hurt you then why my darling must you do this?!" It was irritating as to how he interrogated you but didn't even consider his own actions and the way he neglected you.

Did he even remember your birthday..?

"You say this as if YOU weren't smothering some random people in front of your girlfriend on OUR date!!" And finally, he realized what he's been doing all day. He was avoiding and ignoring you, too busy and consumed by his own...thoughts while you constantly tried to spend quality time with him.

"Baby...I'm sorry..." He coos gently holding your face and cradling you as tears cascaded your face. You looked so miserable because him and he made an internal promise to treat you better and not neglect your emotions.

"Y-you even forgot my birthday..." you sobbed into his soft hands as his eyes widened before he kissed you again. This time much gently and lovingly; full of adoration and affection but desperate for you.

You knew he meant it but forgiving is easier said than done. Even if you would accept him, it'd much later as for now, you wanted him to show is emotions; his real self that was vulnerable and loving; one that was guilty of hurting you. One that loved you beyond his own sin.

You would be lying if you said your heart wasn't melting for him as his hand intertwined with yours while the other rested around your waist and blush littered his face; all for you.

All of him softened just for you; all those emotions showered upon you because all of his love was meant for you.

Beelzebub

Gluttony is like a venom that spreads in your body; turning one into a hungry beast ready to devour his prey and another into a starved being—but for somebody who personified the sin in itself would be beyond a monster or an other horrendous creature imaginable.

Thus, can you really blame Beelzebub for ingesting the whole food supply of house of lamentation alongside of some cutlery after a seemingly intense workout as well 7 hours of helping satan shift his books in order to clean the empty space.

He was salivating at the sight of everything before as his vision molded it into something edible...delicious and well; in front of him were you, standing there awkwardly as his eyes hovered over you however not in a lustful but more like a locking the meat of your bones manner.

"B-beel, you alright..?" His intense gaze made you feel uncomfortable as you shifted in your place yet he didn't blink once as if his hunger overtook him...making him forget who you were.

You couldn't breathe, couldn't move an inch without him lunging at you with those eyes full of hunger for anything to satiate the emptiness within his stomach including you. However, Luck was on your side since it was your own birthday as Asmodeus happened to pass by the scene hoisting his phone up taking selfish before rushing towards you.

"Darling, Beel, what are you guys... doing?" By the end of his question, he knew what was coming. He is well aquaintated with Beel's endless hunger that violently shook the atmosphere in the whole house.

As you stood unblinking staring back at the avatar of gluttony trembling with fear whilst his ragged breaths were heard in the silence of the hall. The very next second he pounced at you transforming into his demon form; claws beared as if he was readily about to rip your heart out.

Yet somehow you were alive; alive and thrown over like a sack of potatoes on Asmo's shoulder as he sprinted towards his room with an echoing sound of certain rumbling in the background that made shiver in dread.

"Honey, you're alright. You're safe, okay? Phew!" He collapsed next to you on the floor next to you after ensuring the door was properly locked, clearly out of breath while still attempting to comfort your troubled form.

Despite knowing he cannot control his hunger, you couldn't help but tighten your throat or fall victim to the ache plastered within your chest. He loves you, you know it but this...hurt more than expected.

The clutches of gluttony were like shackles that bound him and drove him to try to...the thought alone makes you want throw up or is it because his twin succeeded at a similar task.

"Hey...Mc, don't cry, darling. It'll all be okay, I promise! Forget everything it's your birthday, isn't it?" The blond cradled you in his arms trying to shush away your tears meanwhile you sobbed and cried; planned everything, got up early to bake for him and even got the tickets to a movie he was excited about.

"It's so unfair! So unfair, Asmo!!" Why did this have to happen when all you did was try your best? Why are you doomed to fail at every given task? Was this all your fault?

Such thoughts consumed you wholly as your sobs turned into more cries that dragged Asmo's poor heart along with it; it hurt him so much to see someone he considered family be hurt so much. To be broken that they're reduced to a teary mess on the floor.

In the hallway, Lucifer and Satan towered upon Beelzebub who finally calmed down, happily chomping the food he was given; almost uncaring of his twin that laid kissing the ground with a large bruise forming on his forehead.

"W-where *chomp* is cupcake?" He muttered with a mouthful, thinking you must be hungry and not even remembering what he did as he was a puppet under the control of his sin.

"In Asmodues's room..." Lucifer sighed while Satan raged at the sight of the havoc wrecked upon his book—cursed ones, collector's edition, etc. They were everywhere torn into half or bites into and discarded afterwards.

"They must be sobbing since you were ever so nice to them on their birthday!" Satan mocked knowing how badly his brother fucked up while the orange head gushed the memories right into his eyes. Each moment he made a decision worse than the other.

"Oh my poor Mc, sleep well..." you didn't realize how exhausted you were from the whole event that you passed out between Asmo's arms who later tucked you within the comforting confines of your own bed.

But peace never really lasted long as you woke up, only to be greeted by a decorated room, a cake with several other snacks littered on the table and Beelzebub by your side with apologetic eyes as a melody played accompanied by the voices belonging to the remaining brothers.

"I'm sorry, cupcake...I didn't mean to scare you or hurt you, I just don't know what's wrong with me but please forgive me...I love you..." His eyes bore guilt as he was reminded of an older time, an older mistake before his hands caged yours affectionately before kissing them lovingly.

The orange headed demon never wished to be more than your protector, that gives away his life to save yours but also a lover that wants to build a family with you; one that he loves dearer than himself.

Belphegor

Does fate really hate you? If not, why must it be you who suffers with people misunderstanding you or blaming you for actions not performed by you?

"Come on, it's not that bad...just a stupid nightmare!" You hopped onto your feet before changing into your outfit for the day; one that made you feel good about yourself unlike the haunting nightmares that weren't leaving you alone.

As you left your room trying your best to force a smile out, there was a voice that felt familiar as it belonged to a certain great demon who bestowed the wishes of having the best birthday.

"Happy birthday, h-human!" He spoke loudly as if reminding the others of the day despite the whole hall being empty. The gesture in itself was funny, his hand putting your head like a puppy except for the part he himself looked like one.

"Thanks, mammon." And there it was your signature smile that could possibly make anybody melt, though how could you believe it; a rose can never see its reflection.

Reaching the dining hall, the atmosphere felt tense as if everyone was on edge, all but one person. He was missing entirely. Belphegor wasn't there. Was he still asleep?

Before you could ask, Lucifer announced "Belphegor will not be joining us today." And continued to finish his breakfast with what seemed to be a bothered expression.

"Hey beel, what happened?" You couldn't help wonder what did your boyfriend did this time to piss of the eldest and if so, why wasn't satan assisting the crime. "Belphi, h-he said some really mean things..." beelzebub was feeling guilty fill up his stomach, his appetite dying or perhaps killed by someone else.

"Okay..." you knew that the orange headed demon was hiding something, swallowing his own words however why you just couldn't decipher. His voice was strained that it made you feel very uneasy about what really conspired when you were asleep.

"Levi, can you tell me what really happened? Please!!" You pleaded with puppy eyes as soon as the remaining brothers had dispersed from the dining hall; to avoid the extra ears and overly exaggerated explanations.

"Normie, first off promise me you won't tell anybody that i told you this!" He whisper-yelled as you nodded your head vigorously. "Okay--fine, so belphi woke up in a super sour mood and since lucifer decided to call him to the dining hall himself...he said a lot of mean things..."

Leviathan felt a bitter taste in his mouth knowing his next words would most likely ruin your birthday and put you into doubt of your own relationship and partner.

"He spoke a lot of nonsense about lucifer, you know normie...And he--um, he said you weren't that great and just kinda wasted his time w-which is like total bullshit, right? Like normie, you're like Henry 3.0, totally cool and awesome!" He tried his best to soothe the wound he had to give you in order for the truth to be told.

But there it was, a sound of your own heart being crushed and sensation of wet tears dripping down your cheeks. It hurt you so much to hear that your lover spoke of you behind your back that you couldn't take it anymore and sprinted all the way back to your room; leaving Leviathan to only his worry and concern in the dining hall.

Especially on your birthday, that in itself felt like a cheap move being played on you as you felt needles pricking through your chest, and it hurt so much. It felt like the nightmares were true when they played the same scenario where he used you; he used you like a pawn.

Meanwhile, in the twins' room, Belphegor laid in bed with a weird feeling filling him; one that felt so heavy that he couldn't sleep it off. But why? He just couldn't pinpoint.

"Belphi, have spoken with Mc yet? It's their birthday...you should really go to see them..." the avatar of gluttony had his head lowered as he pouted; visibly hungry but at a lack of food.

"WHAT!" "Yea its their birthday, belphi..?" Belphegor panicked for at least 5 minutes before gathering himself and rushing to the kitchen to make something--a cake, should it be okay but what if you're craving ramen instead..? Or something salty? SHIT

He's never been so frantic and panicked; he felt like a single mother raising 6 children...wait why does that sound familiar? ANYWAYS, no time for that.

It took about 2 hours for the whole thing to be prepared; while he had tasked satan to buy your favorite snacks. In the end, he was drenched in sweat from the whole last minute preparation that he did.

On the other hand, you were passed out on your bed; tears dried up on your face and slightly puffy lips and very gracelessly flopped onto your bed.

Belphegor's heart ached at the sight of you, he knew his words have been heard by someone who didn't deserve them. Who deserved love and not such cruel things.

"Love, wake up...c'mon its your birthday..." He voice was gentle as if a one wrong word could shatter you like glass and his hands caressed your cheeks; before kissing you passionately.

You rubbed your eyes as your boyfriend kissed your forehead and pulled you off of the bed. He was smothering you with kisses somewhat lazily; letting eachone feel feather like on your skin.

"Happy birthday my star, I'm sorry for what is said earlier...I promise you that I never meant any of it...I just--lost myself to anger, I'm sorry." He's efforts were visible in both his voice and your room; the blanket Fort certainly seemed impressive and most likely he had your favorite movie paused.

"It's not okay to speak such things about you're partner belphi on any day let alone their birthday. Yet I am much kinder than you think...I forgive you." You pouted with fake anger evident in your voice; playing pretend was fun as hr fell for your words in the beginning but definitely caught up in the end.

And as the day came to a close, you both were snuggled into each other's warmth and cuddling; the harsh words and hot tears forgotten or perhaps changed into smiles of contentment.

Afterall, belphegor was your dark sky and you were his star; without one the other would feel empty and out of place. He was the one who wanted to drown into the depths with you or burn with the passion he held for you...And both remain a pleasure to him...

--------------------------------------

A/n; I had no ideas for belphi and was abt to write he slept that it off like he was in a coma xD

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Anyways,

ℍ𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕒 𝕘𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥 𝕕𝕒𝕪

[justaweasel]

Obey me characters but I'm projecting AGAIN

Satan, on baaad days, is hyper aware of himself. Like if he sits somewhere for five minutes, he'll feel his butt get really itchy. This, obviously, has caused some problems, so sometimes the brothers will see Satan angrily pacing and reading. Asmo has tried to curb the problem by buying Satan special underwear, but nothing works.

"Satan, why are you pacing like that? Why don't you sit down?"

"I want to!"

"And why aren't you?"

"Because my butt will get itchy again, you don't understand"

The brothers understand more than they used to, but it's still weird to see Satan angrily pacing because his ass got too itchy for him to sit.

Despite being a demon, Belphie gets really paranoid if he's in a dark space alone. Like really paranoid, due to his sleeping habits this doesn't get to him often but on the chance that it does, it's bad. Like him full on seeing things and thinking things are after him. One time this got so bad he called Beel to come get him. Beel, and on occasion Lucifer, make rounds to make sure Belphie is in a bed or in the vicinity of someone else so his paranoia doesn't get bad. (His time in the attic was bad because of this, Lucifer tried to visit as much as possible, but still was very little.)

Asmo and Satan will have little pillow fights to get their rage out. It's mostly Satan attacking and clawing pillows Asmo needs to toss out. Mammon and Levi have been seen to join too but are put off by Satan's absolute destruction of a pillow. Sometimes Asmo will laugh so hard his arms get weak and he'll let go of a pillow (someone please tell me if that happens to them too), giving Satan the perfect time to attack.

Lucifer has the bad habit of forgetting cups everywhere. If Lucifer has been somewhere, most likely there's a cup left there. His brothers egg on him for this and he always gets a little embarrassed. (This one is based off of my sister ;P she always denies doing it though)

Mammon has stored money in plushies before so if MC hugs a plushie and it makes a crunchy noise he'll be like "There it is!" And he'll reward you for finding it by spending all the money found inside on you.

Mammon, Diavolo, and strangely Beel are hellishly good at Monopoly. Barbatos gets far with his luck and Satan's drive to win against Lucifer also gets him far. Mammon always tries to get the railroads while Diavolo aims for the ones people land on the most and bulks it up. One time Diavolo and Mammon had set up a death trap with the light blue and pink spaces since Diavolo had bought both color spaces and Mammon had all railroads, so even if you missed Diavolo's spaces, there was still the chance you'd have to pay 200 anyway.

Solomon will also make deals constantly that will either put him or the other person in massive debt later down the line. Most of the times Mammon has lost has been due to Solomon fucking him up.

Asmo is really into bracelet making. Shmiles

Levi has a track record of losing his earbuds so that's why he always wears his headphones.

Wowoowowowoowow okay bye

[misc-obeyme]

Ok, hear me out…. Pissed off MC

mc who’s done with everyone’s BS and is acting on it.

Let us keep in mind that MC has a pact with seven powerful demons, is a full fledged sorcerer, and bears the Ring of Light. If MC got pissed enough, they could absolutely fuck shit up. I think with all that power at their disposal, MC could take over the entire Devildom if they really wanted to.

Which makes me think of villain!MC going rogue and taking over, I just love that idea. I have no idea how that'd get resolved, but wow it'd be crazy.

But assuming that MC isn't going to go full on villain and is just pissed off because they've had too much to deal with, I still think there'd be some devastating consequences. They'd probably just be more explosive and chaotic than, say, a full on plan to take over the Devildom.

MC's out here yelling stay at every opportunity. Casting all kinds of spells at anyone who even looks at them, let alone tries to speak with them.

Or alternatively, an MC who deals with their anger in regular human ways like yelling or running away or rage quitting.

Can you imagine MC just being like you know what? I'm done. Send me home now.

I also like the idea of MC just getting pissed at the brothers and being like I'm leaving the House of Lamentation, don't look for me. And then they turn up at the Demon Lord's Castle or Purgatory Hall or even Thirteen's cave. Just anywhere but the HoL, you know?

Frustrated MC, speaking their mind, telling all the demons to fuck off before storming away. Maybe they just teleport themselves back to the human world or ask Barbatos to send them back. I think he would, too, if they asked.

I think you could go multiple ways with an angry MC. My MC has a short fuse and explodes at the bros all the time, but they always calm down eventually. But if you had an MC who was at their limit? Who decided to just be done?? Or who went crazy with the magic and caused a lot of destruction? Now we're dealing with Satan levels of wrath. What would the characters do?

There is so much potential.

[yugenwrites]

∗ —— Adrian “Alucard” Tepes x D.

∗ —— Part one, part two, part three, part four ( coming soon ).

∗ —— NOTES: This story is inspired by some of the fanart that is done by tender miasma / suzannart! The worlds of Castlevania and Vampire Hunter D are connected to one and another.

“Belmont said that you have fought with his ancestors. How old are you D and now many of his ancestors have you worked alongside with?” Sypha asked the dhampyre but the man did not answer, only sighing in response. He didn't feel like striking up any type of conversation, he just wanted to get away from the three of them since they did nothing but bicker.

“He's very old,” the left hand spoke like D had done a couple of minutes ago, he had dug his nails into the face of the parasite but this time with an irritated scowl.

“Enough of your foolish antics.” D was bothered by not only his companion but the three fools behind him. “Once we are finally free from this area, I will be parting from the three of you. I did wish that it was four.” Of course he was referring to the fourth person as his hand.

“If I could leave you, I would but you would be absolutely miserable without me,” the hand exclaimed at the dhampyre who curled his fingers downward and into his palm, nails digging into the flesh for the third time. “That hurts you bastard!”

“We all need to stay together. The faster we can get to Dracula's castle the quicker we will be able to put an end to this.” Sypha took a couple of steps forward in a quick motion, now walking beside D who didn't bother to look at her.

“I work alone and the people of Wallachia will need someone to look after them before they get devoured by night creatures.”

“I'm sure that they would have some dislike towards you as well, you may be half of a human but I am sure as long as you have vampire blood or genetics, you will be seen as a monster nonetheless,” Alucard stated as D began to turn away from the trio.

“Anyone can be considered a monster whether they are human, vampyre, or a demon. Even if I am a vampyre hunter, I am aware of the many things that a mere man or even a child is capable of doing. No one in this world is truly innocent but it is enough to try to change such a thing and help those who are in need of it.”

“And what if they aren't willing to take some of your generosity? Would you still provide aid to those even when they push you away?”

“I cannot force anyone and shall not do it. Not everyone is willing to accept aid and some will look down upon it.” Alucard couldn't help but to think back. To think back how a year ago was when his mother was burned down to ashes because of her so-called witchery when the only thing she wanted to do was help those who needed it. “I'm sure that you three alone would be able to make it to the castle by yourselves without my aid. I will make sure that the creatures of the night do not come in between you or your travels.”

“So . . . You are helping us basically?” Trevor questioned.

“In a sense, yes, but it's more for the people and not for your benefit.” D had paused in his tracks and turned his head to look at Alucard, eyes narrowed and nothing but a frown worn upon his face. “You. Be wise of the choices that you decide to make.” With those words, D had continued to walk away from the trio and Alucard found himself averting his gaze.

Alucard knew that the man didn't trust him, he thought that he was going to end up like his father and become full of rage to the point where even he was going to cause destruction to Wallachia and its people. The blonde wasn't a fool, he was able to control his emotions despite being saddened and upset about his mother's death. As much as it was unfortunate, it was something that was bound to happen one day.

The only one that seemed to really believe that he had good intentions was Sypha and the other speakers who believed in the story of the sleeping soldier despite it seeming more dramatic than what it needed to be. Lost in his thoughts, he had walked away to clear his head in a secluded area while Trevor and Sypha went to meet up with her people. He would join them a little bit down the line but for now he needed some time to himself even if he had spent a whole year sleeping in a coffin. Some things needed to be planned out and organized and he wanted to do such in silence.

The night was rather cold, the fear that the people had worn on their faces was nothing but clear. D held his suspicions of Alucard. Even if he had swore that he was going to kill his father before he creates any more damage, he doesn't know what he may do afterwards or even beforehand. “Maybe you were a little too rude to him. He's just a kid,” his left hand commented despite his own rudeness to the dhampyre earlier.

“He is no child, he is a full adult. I'm sure that he is able to handle the things that will be thrown at him with the decision he has chosen to make.” Even the parasite of a hand could think that the dhampyre was rather cold towards others at times, such a thought was rare considering his own personality.

“Don't give me that shit, you could have been a little bit nicer to him and you know it.” After all, Alucard had just lost his mother a year ago and to be able to stop the upbringing madness being caused and the possible end of the existence of humans, the blonde would have to kill his own father. A soft huff escaped D’s lips, maybe he could have but he wasn't going to during all of this. There was business that needed to be taken care of.

“This is no time for mourning and treating him with sympathy. The fate of the world lies within his hands.” His eyes narrowed underneath the tip of the hat that he wore so low and his lips were curled downward into a frown.

Only a couple of hours had passed until the sun slowly began to shine within the sky, the people who were hiding in their homes soon coming out to see that they were alive. D made sure that the night creatures didn't lay a single hand on a civilian or even glanced in their direction. Not many had shown up, maybe at least seven. Most of them were killed in the horde from earlier on when night took its course. The vampire hunter walked around and tended to people's needs even though they were skeptical of him due to his vampirism.

“Ye could have fuckin' stopped this!” There was one man who pointed at the black haired hunter, poking him directly in the chest.

“No, I couldn't have. The only thing that I can provide for you right now is safety from the creatures of the night after the people decided to burn down that woman you call a witch.” The hand was swatted away and the tip of his hat was pulled downward to hide his irritated expression.

“Cause she was a bloody witch!” The man shouted, rather angrily. D fell silent upon those words. He knows well that marrying a vampyre would be more than enough to get her killed though he doesn't know the whole story. After a couple of seconds, he had found himself walking away from the male, hearing curses escape his rather vulgar mouth. Humans in Wallachia didn't seem like the best group of people, rather inappropriate and stupid; blind. Seeing that most of the people were fine, he decided to leave them be for a moment and see if there was anything that he himself had needed.

“Hunter D!” He heard a familiar voice come from behind him which made him turn his gaze.

“Speaker . . .have you grown tired of them already?” As much as it seemed like it was a joke, the tone of his voice was serious.

“Well yes and no. I left the two of them alone so I would be able to find a covered wagon and some horses for travel. We can't move as fast as we want to on bare feet, you know?”

“That didn't seem like the best idea to leave them alone with one another. Maybe they are going at each other's throats right now.”

“I wouldn't be surprised. They haven't stopped their stupid bickering.” The female would let out a soft sigh, closing her eyes in the process. “I was wondering if maybe you can tag along with us. I know that you wish to tend to the people but it will be faster if we were to all travel together, don't you think?”

“As much as that seems to be true, I do not think that I will have the patience to deal with those two and if I went off on my own and fought off those night creatures before they reached you, it would make travel much smoother.” Sypha nodded her head, that would probably be the best option and she is sure that the small dispute between him and Alucard may get worse.

“Just promise that you won't get yourself killed, alright?”

“How insulting, I am a hunter. I am only doing my job.” D turned himself away but before he could walk away, a bag of coins was tossed in Sypha's direction which was caught. “This should pay for what you need for now. Between the three of you alone, I am sure that you wouldn't have enough.”

“Thank you, I'll make sure the two idiots don't get a hold of it.” With that being said, she watched D as he began to walk away from her before leaving herself to go the opposite direction. She knew it may take some time for her to find someone who sold wagons, nonetheless horses. It was likely that the night creatures could have destroyed them to stop the people from leaving but with their journey, the trio needed one.

[dancefloors]

Hard agree Taylor's interview was weird. There's almost no substance to any of her answers.

for real. I'll try to be brief or at least make this the last one (because I know I am being annoying about this but really I just find her a very fascinating case study), but for a songwriter who is often introspective and eloquent, it all seemed like a very shallow look at her life and career. a hodge-podge of buzzwords and dated pop culture references. I do wonder if that's just the nature of this being a sort of 'PR smooth over' for the unfamiliar audience, setting the record straight on a few accounts, and sort of rewriting the narrative of rep/her last relationship.

but it also was very intriguing how the image she paints of herself, and one she seems to internalise is that of her as a successful 'underdog', a perpetual victim in an uphill battle. I'm sure she's faced adversity in her career, but it's notable to me that the way she frames it ("female rage" at her image destruction, "freedom from patriarchal structures through the flow of economy") is in a way that sort of silently demands an obligation to celebrity and wealth. she points to her "cancellation" as gaslighting from a "social structure" but what structure is that? who is the perpetrator when the dip in your fame can be largely attributed to a PR fumble and public dissent at blatant money-driven strategic friendships (which she personally admitted), relatability marketing, and recognition that they are being sold an image? her song The Man/interviews regarding it detail how structural barriers that bother her the most are the ones preventing her from flaunting her money, chasing fame and fortune openly, being praised for the strategy and calculation behind her capitalist endeavours, from using people and discarding them when done (à la Leo in San Tropez or her partners being "playthings for [her] to use"). is it a structural issue when you leave your record label of your own accord and those very same business strategies and ploys are used against you? are fame and art to be free of criticism? is it victimhood when people point out the parasocial and expositional practises that gave you your fame, which you intentionally intertwined with your image?

I won't brush aside the misogyny that came with it. I believe women have the right to feel safe, supported, their sexual exploits not held against them, their career progression not halted purely because of their gender, that artists have ownership over their work.

but do I think they are owed fortune, that a couple months being reclusive in million dollar mansions and jet-setting around the world equate to 'cancellation', that people becoming aware of hollywood PR ploys is misogyny, that public favour is owed and losing it is the highest punishment (especially when they actively wield their team to push puff pieces to bury their own and their associate's/partners' bigotry), that speculation about a public figure's personal life is the greatest crime, that their own role in their career deserves to be seen simultaneously as that of an innocent subject of magical coincidence AND a mastermind strategist (but never the dagger of "calculated"), that their cries and causes should be heralded and never doubted or viewed with a critical eye even though the activist outfit is only ever put on for themselves, that they should be viewed as a brand when they want to shirk responsibility and an individual when they demand sympathy, that fame is owed, that any common person should think about all of this - consider their 'full story' and believe the image they want to sell of themselves? that we should be actively celebrating their excessiveness (it's for our own good!)?

no. maybe because i lack empathy for the rich and famous, but it all seems very out of touch. it's never been more blatantly about consumer feminism, bread and circuses, a prayer to her own idolatry, even further out of reach at the moment.

her fixation on the past, her own endlessly self-referential world, speaking about "defeating enemies"..... its just fascinating. and confirms to me that her main gripe has always been with the contradictory nature of her own fame. why can't she have it all? i don't say this in a bitter way, i think she's just an interesting case study, especially watching her career come up from the beginning. you only enjoy the circus when they are cheering for you. and she seems to have leaned into that more recently. i don't know what has gone on in her personal life (seemingly many references to a "life she gave away"), but it seems to have driven her closer to that, aware that at least in THIS world (that of fame, fortune, etc) she is somewhat an insurmountable titan not even stoppable by "a force majeure", whatever she may claim. maybe she can't control her personal life, but she can control this to a degree, and if not, the things that stand in her way can be / must be regarded the most unjust of nondescript "social structures".

again.. no hatred, just fascination. her image, success, and fan relationships hinged on relatability for so many years. this feels like a departure from that. an acceptance that she is extraordinary and that even her struggles are out of reach for the common man. she's operating in a different echelon, she's the centre of her world (why wouldn't she be), and she is free from the shackles of self reflection on her place in the broader world... I guess she's too soft for it all. I don't know... an interesting change. I'm sure someone smarter than me has something more interesting and eloquent to say.

[whamgram]

Omg that last chapter!!!!! I’m sending you my therapy bill I’m in despairrrr

the chap before when charlie was thinking about what they were now and came to the conclusion that she wanted to be a couple and then this chapter where alastor had the same thoughts and also decided he wants to be couple. Ughhhh they want the same thing!!! They want to be together!!!!! But that prick uriel had to mess everything up for them. I know alastor shouldn’t have lost control like that but I hope charlie has some sympathy for him. Was he in a total blind rage or did he know what he was doing? It looked like he just barely rexognized charlie enough not to hurt her.

something else I noticed and maybe I’m thinking too much about this because I’ve reread your story so many times.. but I noticed how the nicknames alastor calls charlie have shifted. In the beginning he mostly called her my dear. He sometimes called her darling but I think he started doing that more in later chapters…. And after they kissed he started calling her my dearest instead of my dear. I think that’s so cute like he’s subconsciously expressing how his feelings for her changed.

Anyways I need the new chap like yesterday. Thanks sm for this amazing story <3333

Hehe, I know. I'm sorry! 😅

Yesss, they're definitely on the same page about what they want. It's just a matter of communicating that to each other. They'll sort things out sooner than you think. 😉

Yeah, when Alastor went full demon mode, his rage/shame/grief was so potent that he lost all sensibility. He went all KILL KILL KILL because he was hurting and wanted to cause as much destruction as possible. But despite all that, it was still instinctual for him to get Charlie out of harm's way when he saw her. He didn't totally blackout, though. When he calms down, he's gonna be fully aware of what he did.

Omggg I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you picked up on the nicknames! That's one of those things that I planned out, knowing that I'd probably be the only one who noticed it. 😅 You pretty much nailed it! At the beginning, Alastor usually just called Charlie "my dear". He used "darling" a few times when he was feeling a bit emotionally vulnerable with her. Then after he admitted to himself that he was developing feelings for her, he started using it more and more. And yesss, the moment after they kissed is when he started calling her "my dearest". You're also right about these subtle changes being a subconscious expression of how his feelings for her are growing. Oh, and also he only calls her "sweetheart" when he's being flippant with her. 😏

Thanks so much for reading my fic and for your message! ❤️

[katboykirby]

Autistic Beel is very real to me personally, as an autistic person (special interest, not very expressionate, etc). I also very much agree with the Satan and Levi headcanons too.

Oh this is interesting because I don't think I've heard about an autistic! Beel HC before? Usually (in my experience anyway) it's autistic! Levi and very very occasionally autistic! Satan

Now, full disclosure that I'm not autistic myself, so any information I'm familiar with comes from research + the experiences of my irl partner, who got his autism diagnosis as an adult. (I do have ADHD and I know that there's some relation/overlap there, but I'd still trust the words and experiences of actual autistic people over my own)

And I can definitely see some aspects of autism in Beel! Like you said, he doesn't tend to show much of any particularly strong emotions, at least not openly or on the surface - he tends to keep a fairly flat expression (and his usual frown could be interpreted as the classic neurodivergent "resting bitch face" aha) and his voice clips reflect this as well - he's definitely not as affective as say, Mammon or Asmo! Beel is a lot more quiet than his brothers, on average. He's not really very emotive or expressive outside of specific or extreme situations. Although, I don't tend to go for the romantic options with him or read his personal Devilgram stories all that often (since I'm a Satanfucker) but I'm aware that he's usually more emotive in romantic moments with MC, or when things get tense/dramatic with his family.

Speaking of which, something that we do occasionally see is Beel losing his temper and becoming very angry - to the point that he loses control of himself and goes on rampages. The most significant examples of this in the main story would be Lessons 4 and 5 of the original game, when he flies into a rage over some custard and ends up destroying half of MC's room; and the whole plotline in Nightbringer revolving around Beel's rampage at the royal castle that almost resulted in Diavolo having to lock him up because of how much destruction he caused. I know that "autism rage" is pretty negatively stereotyped (unfairly so, in my opinion) but anger is definitely a real struggle for individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders

The whole food thing is definitely interesting in this context as well (and I assume this is what you meant by "special interest?" Lmk if I'm wrong) because Beel is the complete opposite of the common autism stereotypes when it comes to food! We often see the idea of autistic individuals having a very limited scope of foods that they actually enjoy, because things like texture, flavour, and sensation are all very different and experienced in a different way than neurotypicals. Autistic individuals are stereotyped as "picky eaters" because it's common for them to have very specific "safe foods" and/or not enjoy very many exotic or strong flavours. Beel definitely does not have a problem with this, lmao. And we know that his love/obsession with all foods isn't something that came about just when he was made the Avatar of Gluttony, since he was a big food lover as an angel as well (though his eating habits, admittedly, weren't as extreme back then.) Interestingly, a lot of research shows that people with autism are more likely to struggle with binge eating disorder, which has some intriguing implications for Beelzebub 👀

It's entirely possible that exercise & working out and/or sports like Fangol could be special interests for him as well! Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that Beel has mentioned or alluded to feeling restless if he doesn't get at least one workout in every day, like he doesn't feel that his day is "complete" if he hasn't done his exercise routines. This could suggest that he experiences the common autism symptoms around adherence to routines and inflexibility when it comes to changing up his usual habits and activities 🤔

This reply has actually become pretty long, so I'll just stop myself here before I get carried away even further 😅

Overall, I think that there's definitely merit to autistic! Beel HCs, and I'm sure that people who are actually autistic and/or are big fans of Beel himself (and who would have read far more of his in-game content than I have, like his Devilgrams) would be able to go into even more detail than I have!

[balanceoflightanddark]

Restless Souls: the Origins of the Most Evil Godzilla

It's no secret to anyone that Godzilla has run almost the entire morality spectrum in terms of morality in his 60+ career. He's gone from being an allegory for the hydrogen bomb to a destructive force of nature to a defender of the earth and back again, sometimes within the same film. It is to be expected for a series that's been around for so long with various creators having their own interpretations and view of the character, and how societal norms have changed over the years.

In this regard, the version seen in Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All Out Attack (or GMK for short) is...unique.

This particular version of the king of the monsters is widely considered to be the most malevolent he's ever been. Granted, he's no stranger to being a bad guy and causing catastrophic amounts of death and destruction. But this incarnation is especially monstrous. There's a number of times where he almost seems to smile or sneer at the terrified civilians he's killing, whereas most versions are just rage incarnate. Even his design looks wrong, with those milky white blank eyes making him appear more like a ghoulish harbinger of death as opposed to any actual animal.

Well...there's an in-universe reason for why this particular Godzilla is so destructive than normal.

Hirotoshi Isayama: “This animal contains the restless souls of the countless people who perished during the terrible battles that took place during the Pacific conflict.”

Yuri Tachibana: “Their souls? In Godzilla?”

Hirotoshi Isayama: “In Godzilla, the souls of all those people have combined to bring life to the monster. Believe me, I have tried to warn people but they refused to listen. They think I'm mad.”

Yuri Tachibana: “But tell me, why does Godzilla keep attacking Japan? Why does it want to destroy us?”

Hirotoshi Isayama: “Because the Japanese people want to forget what happened... They have deemed it preferable to forget the pain and agony they inflicted on all those people!”

(Copied from Wikizilla)

To sum up, this version of Godzilla is explicitly said to be supernatural in origin. He's effectively the amalgamation of millions of souls that were killed in the Pacific and Chinese theaters that were unable to rest in death possessing the corpse of the original Godzilla that was killed in the first movie. And when you have that much undiluted hate and malice in one giant undead monster, you have a recipe for a particularly malevolent entity.

Interestingly enough, Japanese folklore does tell of a similar entity which might have inspired the creators.

According to Yokai.com, the Gashadokuro is a particularly terrifying yokai. The amalgamation of the souls of fallen soldiers who were denied proper burials, the Gashadokuro is a gigantic skeletal monstrosity formed by the bones and skulls of the deceased and animated by an unearthly hatred for the living that denied them their rest. Nearly unstoppable due to its size and strength, the Gashadokuro was a nightmarish being who's whole existence was to wreck havoc and death upon the world.

Given how spiritual beliefs and legends play in the narrative of GMK, Godzilla does have an uncanny resemblance to the Gashadokuro. Him going out of his way to kill civilians and innocents lines up perfectly with the Gashadokuro's hatred for mortals. Even his design looks less like a living animal and more like a corpse, with dead blank eyes, bony spines, and a bloated stomach full of decomposing gasses. And ultimately, he was almost unstoppable in the film, killing off three monsters awakened to defeat him and the majority of the JSDF. All of which lines up with the legend.

Which is what makes this version of Godzilla so destructive and malevolent. All that rage and hate of the restless dead created this monstrosity who's only purpose was to hurt and kill. Effectively, he's less a living being, and more an unrelenting engine of death and hate.

[fourraccoonsinacoat]

Head Full of Ghosts

Pairing: Astarion x Dark Urge

Summary: Takes place during the events of Baldur's Gate 3 and explores the romance between Astarion and the Dark Urge, as well as the friendships and relationships she has with her companions. Plus, everyone gives shit to Gale about his cooking. Tags: Slow Burn, Angst, Pining, Humor, Violence, Friends to Lovers, Developing Friendships, Developing Romance, Spoilers for the Dark Urge and BG3 in general, Dark Urge as Original Female Character Rating: Mature (Will eventually be Explicit, just not there yet.) Current Chapter Count: 3/? Read on AO3 (Will post chapters to Tumblr, as well.) Current Word Count: 13,050

Author Notes: Hello, Tumblr! Longtime lurker, first time poster. BG3 has reignited my love for writing fanfic - I think it's legit been over seven years since I've written a fic. The dry spell has now been broken. BG3 has grabbed me by the throat and pulled me back in and damn, if I'm not enjoying the hell out of it. I've got an ongoing fic on AO3, so I figured why not officially join Tumblr and dive headfirst into the fandom? Should anyone read my silly fic, I dearly hope you enjoy it. All these characters currently live in my head rent free.

Chapter 1: Misfits

The toll house burned as Karlach whooped, exacting rage and fury on everything within the abandoned building. Her glee might have been infectious if it hadn’t been so damn dangerous.

Luckily, Eli and her merry band of misfits had gotten clear of the structure before the worst of the fires caught. They now stood in the middle of the dirt cart path that led to the toll house entryway, watching the scene unfold in front of them with the same morbid curiosity with which townsfolk might watch a public hanging.

Wyll rubbed the back of his neck, cringing slightly as the loud and unmistakable crash of something glass-made reverberated from within the inferno.

“Maybe…” he started hesitantly, then cleared his throat. “Maybe someone should stop her?”  

Honestly, Wyll was too pure for their group of maladjusted headcases. Between being forcibly inducted as Emerald Grove’s newest mediator, and trying to figure out just what in the nine hells was going on with the illithid tadpoles in their brains, Eli had not had much time to get to know Wyll. Like her, he was a warlock, though he was being rather cagey about who or what his patron was. She guessed it had something to do with his contract, and it wasn’t as if she had much room to judge.

Eli couldn’t even remember who the hell her patron was. That knowledge was a gaping black hole in her ruptured memory. Sometimes, late at night, in the stifling silence when the chaos of the day had finally died down, she’d try to recall…anything. Anything about her past life beyond the images of blood, death and rot that swirled in her mind. She was never successful, and her attempts usually ended in a roiling headache. The holes in her brain were deep, dark and remained unknown.    

“These days I’m trying to avoid situations that end with me burnt to ash,” Astarion’s snark brought Eli back to the here and now. “But if you’re confident in your ability to be fire retardant, then by all means,” he finished the thought by motioning towards the building with a bit of a flourish.

The building was now practically engulfed in flames so bright that it was difficult to look at. She was pretty sure she could hear the roof caving in. Eli pinched the bridge of her nose and shut her eyes, the light and sound of it all was causing her already throbbing headache to grow and fester behind her eyes.

“Stop trying to suck the joy out of things, Wyll,” Eli said, with a bit more bite than she had intended.

She couldn’t see it, but she heard the eye roll in his response. “Fine. Far be it from me to deny someone their little moments of destructive bliss.”  

Eli huffed in response and felt a presence move up next to her.

“Another headache?” Shadowheart’s voice wasn’t quite concerned, but it did have a hint of guarded interest, and for Shadowheart that was just as good.

“Think I’m going on day three now,” Eli responded with a groan. She let her hand drop from her face and opened her eyes, blinking back against the influx of light.

No one spoke it out loud, but they all knew the significance of that statement. Three days ago, Eli had woke in the middle of the night to discover Alfira, a kind and gentle tiefling bard, brutalized and dead…by Eli’s own hands. The shame, guilt and confusion from that night was still a gaping and painful wound within. Alfira was a constant and haunting presence, a reminder that her mind and body were not her own. She could recall flashes of memory from that night, and she desperately wished that was not the case.

The fear in Alfira’s eyes was emblazoned upon her brain and it followed her into her dreams. She was not sleeping well, if at all. And the terror that she would once again wake up to find she’d torn open another of her companions, one of her friends…it was enough to fill her nights with nauseating dread.      

“Maybe Gale can cook up a sleeping potion for you when we get back to camp,” Shadowheart suggested with more softness in her voice than Eli was used to. “I’m sure your penchant for rummaging through our wares until all hours of the morning isn’t helping things,” she chided a bit more coolly.

Eli gave her a non-committal half smile. She’d taken to perusing their camp’s growing hoard of books during her sleepless nights. Reading kept her mind busy, and off of other darker thoughts that stalked her steps.    

“Given the unholy smells being extruded by Gale’s cookpot the other night, I’m not sure I’d trust him to brew a sleeping potion someone is expected to wake up from,” Astarion said cheerily, stepping up to Eli’s other side opposite Shadowheart. “Besides, there’s nothing wrong with a little extracurricular nighttime activity.”

The suggestive smirk he gave Eli caused the pit of her stomach to tighten.

“Yes, because reading is so titillating,” she deadpanned back at him. Astarion was a shameless flirt, and Eli wasn’t in a mood to deal with him while her head was splitting open from the inside out.

Astarion, however, was not dissuaded.

“Darling, it’s not my fault if you choose a boring activity.” He emphasized the word ‘boring’ and Eli knew exactly where this was going before they even got there.

He leaned in closer and she caught the faint scent of spice and rosemary that always lingered in the space where he’d been. Nine hells, why did she know that?

“You know I’m only a few tents away if you ever want to try a more stimulating activity,” he purred. A small shiver ran up her spine as she felt the breath from his words against her neck.

A derisive snort came from Eli’s other side. “Really, Astarion, were you never taught not to play with your food?” Shadowheart said with the hint of a smirk, which turned into a full grin when Eli shot her a dark glare.

Eli suddenly felt very aware of a certain spot on her neck as she looked back to Astarion, whose red eyes had been lingering there before they flicked back up to her face. She met his gaze and thought she saw something hungry flash across his expression before he looked to Shadowheart.

“Call it an appetizer,” Astarion replied in that smooth and sultry voice that danced so effortlessly from his lips. “Something to get the blood pumping before the main course.”

Eli was starting to feel something akin to what a rabbit may feel when being circled by wolves. Astarion had inched closer to her as he spoke and teased, pushing into her personal space with bravado and squaring up to her like an animal on the prowl. Eli had experienced this behavior from him before, and she hated it. Not because of any issues with personal boundaries - she didn’t even know if she had issues with personal boundaries, considering how full of holes her memory was. No, she hated it because of how her body responded. And she doubted it was the sort of response Astarion was looking for.

All of his bravado, his confidence, how sure of himself he seemed when he pressed near to her, playing his games. It triggered an anger in her she didn’t recognize. A cruel and dominating rage that wanted nothing more than to grab him by the throat and force him to his knees, demanding respect. She was no rabbit fearful of wolves, no plaything for him to tease. She’d flay him sternum to navel for his insolence.

“Stop,” Eli muttered, moreso to herself than to Astarion.

Her head was pounding as she tried to shove those unwanted and vicious thoughts back down into the unknown void of herself. She took a tentative step backwards and nearly collided with Shadowheart, who managed to step quickly out of the way. Eli felt a hand on her shoulder and reflexively flinched away, internally trying to wrest herself from the cloying vile madness that was building in her brain.

“Sorry,” Eli heard Shadowheart say.

Glancing to Shadowheart, Eli saw she had her hands raised in a conciliatory gesture. Likely, Shadowheart had reached out to try and steady Eli. The problem was, Eli didn’t trust herself when her mind went red and hazy.

She didn’t want anyone touching her in those moments. She didn’t want anyone ending up like Alfira…

“That’s enough of that,” Wyll’s strong voice held a very clear note of annoyance in it. “Leave her be and let’s get back to camp. Lest we get lost out here after the sun goes down.”

Eli appreciated the sentiment, but she almost wished Wyll had stayed silent.

“Ah, the dashing Blade of Frontiers here to save the pretty damsel from the dangerous vampire,” Astarion said, with more than a hint of contempt to his words.

Astarion and Wyll did not play nice. They reminded Eli of two dogs posturing and vying for control when they were near one another. And, unfortunately, everyone else got pissed on in the process.  

Astarion continued to bait the hook, voice sickly suggestive. “Hoping she’ll offer you a place to sheath your blade tonight if you play hero?”

Eli wheeled on Astarion with a glare that only succeeded in making the elf smile wider. For all of his pompous confidence, Eli did take note of the fact that Astarion had backed off from her. At least in the physical sense. He seemed more than happy to continue his verbal assault.

“You vulgar bastard!” Wyll barked back, angrily stepping towards Astarion who was grinning like a feral cat. Wyll was taking the bait.

“Lolth’s rotten nickers!” Eli exclaimed, exasperated and over all of this. “If the two of you want to have it out, fine! Just know I’m not asking Withers to bring either of you miserable assholes back if one of you kills the other!”

The blood in her head was pounding again, pulsating painfully behind her eyes. Eli threw up her hands and turned away from the squabbling men, only to see that tiefling barbarian, Karlach, watching all of them with a grin.

“You lot seem fun as hell!” she proclaimed with a laugh as the toll house continued to blaze like an inferno behind her. “Still cool if I tag along?”

“Yeah, sure,” Eli responded. “We all seem to be in the same shithole of a boat, so if you want to grab a paddle I’m not stopping you.”

Eli smirked and Karlach’s face lit up with excitement. “That’s the spirit!”

The next few moments were a blur. Moments in which Eli felt very much like a passenger in her own body. Astarion wasn’t letting up, and from behind her Eli heard his goading voice as he continued to taunt Wyll.

“You know, Wyll, if you’re ever curious about what our dear, sweet Eli tastes like, all you have to do is ask,” Astarion’s sly words were dripping with inuendo.

Eli snapped.

She rounded on Astarion like a displacer beast loosed from hell, stepping into his personal space just as he had done to her earlier. Eli, however, was not playing games. Her head felt like it was exploding from the inside and her vision was beginning to swim. She needed to get out of here. She needed to leave before she lost control. She needed to put this flippant, disrespectful maggot in his place.

“Would you FUCK OFF with your self-aggrandizing bullshit!” she roared.

Eli was up in Astarion’s face now, all venom and rage as she tried to maintain enough control to keep herself from driving a dagger through his eye like the monster inside of her was demanding.

“I’ve let you feed on me ONE time, and that has been the extent of any nightly activities between us,” she growled, locking eyes with the vampire spawn.

Astarion was a few inches taller than her, but in this moment it didn’t matter. They had all seen Eli fight. They’d witnessed the absolute carnage and power that she was capable of, and while most of that ability came from whatever deal she’d made with her patron, they had all sensed something else beyond her skill as a warlock. Something foul and brutal and violent that she seemed desperate to keep restrained.

That thing was leaking out now. Pressing at the barricades in her mind wrestling to break free. It wanted blood and gore and anguish. It wanted out.

“So, keep your pathetic attention-whoring charade in check or I’m going to lock you in a coffin and burry you so fucking deep even the worms won’t be able to find you!” Eli snarled, eyes glittering with a mania that indicated she was far from joking.

Eli didn’t know the chord she’d struck in Astarion – she didn’t even know if he had chords to be struck. She didn’t know how her words wrenched unbidden memories to the surface of his mind, like puss oozing from an infected wound. She didn’t know the torments inflicted upon him. Didn’t know that her words caused his chest to tighten with anxiety as unwanted recollections flashed in his mind. Days, months, years trapped in lonely confinement at the whim of his abuser. Locked away and starved because he said something displeasing or because he begged to be spared the agony of having his scars cut open once again because his master was bored and wanted to play.

Astarion had gone very still in the face of Eli’s wrath. And as the haze of anger in her mind dissipated and the realization of what she’d just said crashed down upon her, her eyes went wide and she took a quick step back. Her head was a mess and she felt like she was coming up out of a dream and seizing control of herself once more.

Shadowheart, Wyll and Karlach stood by, staring with a mix of shock and morbid curiosity. They were not going to get involved, but they damn sure were going to watch this disaster play out.

“I…uh…” Eli stuttered as she pulled herself back from the brink.

Her movements felt lethargic and wrong, as if she were a step removed from the actions her body was taking. But she kept hold of her mental steering wheel and willed herself to maintain control.

“Fuck. I’m sorry, Astarion,” she lifted her gaze, wanting to meet his eyes so she could explain and apologize again.

But Astarion wasn’t looking at her. At least, not at her face. His eyes were fixated on the collar of the burgundy undershirt she wore below her chest armor. His expression fluctuated somewhere between grim detachment and smoldering hatred, crimson eyes glassy and distant.

Eli felt an unnerving sensation of being looked through.

“Astarion?” she questioned, voice softer and tinged with an edge of worry.

She took a tentative step forward and raised a hand towards him. Had he been struck with an incantation? A curse? Maybe Shadowheart or Wyll had cast something as a means of intervention?

Eli was about to turn and ask them when Astarion flinched back from her outstretched hand as if she’d struck him. His eyes snapped to hers and burned with a hostility she’d never seen from him, not even during the famously vehement rows he and Gale would get into over Gale’s cooking (the arguments usually ended with Gale shouting, “You aren’t even going to eat any of it, anyway!” and storming off in a dither).

“Don’t,” Astarion snarled through clenched teeth and a tight jaw. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

Icy loathing dripped off his every word and Eli suddenly recognized the defensive posture he’d put himself in, leaning back and away from her with hands ready to go for a weapon or even swing at her should she move closer. He reminded her of an animal trapped in a corner, baring its fangs at something…

At something dangerous. At something intent on hurting them.

Shit. Had her outburst really been that bad? Had he really thought she was going to attack him?

A pang stabbed through her stomach as she realized…of course he had. Because of what she’d done to Alfira. She’d already proven she was capable of brutalizing the people around her, no matter how innocent they were. They thought she was dangerous. Astarion, a godsdamn vampire who’d crept up on her in the middle of the night, thought she was dangerous.

She needed to get herself under control. This wasn’t a sustainable lifestyle. At least not for the people around her…

“Astarion, I’m really fucking sorry,” she backed away from him, giving him space and bringing her hands back to her sides. “I’m not even entirely sure what happened. Things got…hazy. I’m really sorry.”

It was a piss poor excuse, and an even worse apology. She knew. And it seemed he agreed.

“You can choke on your apology,” Astarion snapped as he shoved past her. “If the tadpole turns you tonight, it wouldn’t be too soon.”

The sheer venom of his words stung as painfully as if he’d stabbed her right there on the spot. She opened her mouth to reply, but could think of nothing worthwhile to say. So she snapped it closed and watched him walk off down the path that led back to camp.

Well, some fantastic leader she was turning out to be. She already didn’t understand why anyone thought she, with her magnitude of memory loss and murder happy tendencies, was the ideal candidate for a position of authority. She was awful at this shit!

Eli had spent a lot of time combing through her fractured psyche, trying to piece together any semblance of facts about who she was. In all that self-reflection, she’d concluded there were two things she was really good at. Killing people and drinking.

Fuck, what she wouldn’t give to be doing either one of those things right now instead of this.

She turned a miserable expression on her remaining companions. “Is it too late to go back to the mind flayer ship and just surrender?”

Wyll laughed and sided up to her, clapping a hand on her shoulder and trying to be reassuring.

“I’m sure he’ll get over it,” he said. Then, with a somewhat darker smirk, “And if he doesn’t, we’ll just stake him. Luckily for us, our benevolent illithid captors saw fit to crash us in the middle of a forest. Trees everywhere.”

Wyll grinned while Eli just gave him a deadpan stare. He wasn’t helping. Maybe he wasn’t too pure for their little group, after all. Maybe he was just as much of a dumbass as the rest of them.

Eli looked to Shadowheart, who simply rolled her eyes before glancing after Astarion as he continued to walk further and further from the party.

“I bet he just needs some time to cool down,” Shadowheart mused. “Men can be irrationally dramatic when they put their minds to it.”

The grin on Wyll’s face fell as Shadowheart started to follow Astarion down the path. Eli trailed after her, glancing to Karlach in the hopes of making some sort of conversation to distract herself from all the pain and noise in her head.

“I’m just happy to be here,” Karlach laughed.

[bubblez-bubble]

Everyone in Fairy Tail represents a disorder and/or an illness (either physical and/or mental). And Fairy Tail never happened, it's a hospital, and Fairy Tail takes place in one of the patients minds as part of their disorder.

Here me out.

This is going to be a tribute to National Suicide Prevention Month as a reminder everyone has their own battle to face and never assume you know what's going on from the outside looking in. (Also disclaimer: none of this is canon. It's a fan-based headcanon and some representation may be off, but as someone who studies psychology and personal/mental health in their free time in an attempt to better understand myself, I'm going to try to be as accurate as possible and try to give as much detail as I can.) If you or a loved one is struggling for any reason, don't be afraid to reach out and seek answers or help. Your silence is not worth a life. Especially yours. If you're like me and seeking professional medical help is out of your reach for any reason, be it financially or otherwise, contact your local suicide prevention hotline for free accessible 24-hour help. You may be fighting what feels like a losing battle, but you don't have to fight it alone. And just remember, everyone is fighting their own fight. So please don't give up and just hold on tight. And know if you don't have anyone else in your corner, I will be.

Now onto the headcanon.

For now I'll just be doing the main team (post nirvana), but let me know if you'd be interested in seeing what the characters may represent.

Also I'll be doing brief break downs of these characters. If you'd like a full synopsis on a particular character let me know!

Natsu- Binge Eating Disorder and Intermittent Explosive Disorder

First let's look at the definitions.

Binge Eating Disorder or BED is when a person unhealthily over consumes excessively large quantities of food in one sitting or during a single meal.

Intermittent Explosive Disorder or IED is a mental disorder that can cause frequent, sudden, or impulsive episodes of anger. It can be categorized with road rage, domestic abuse, THROWING OR BREAKING OJECTS, TEMPER TANTRUMS, FREQUENT VERBAL ARGUMENTS, FREQUENT PHSYICAL FIGHTING, and PROPERTY DAMAGE.

There are two things Natsu is most known for in universe: picking a fight whenever and where ever and always feeling hungry. In almost every meal we see him have seen him eat, he eats in exaggerated large quantities. And yes you can argue that it's because his magic is so demanding plus his physical upkeep (training) is probably the reason for this. However, none of the other dragon slayers indulge like this, with the exception of Sting and Rogue during their guilds annual eating contest. He's also extremely prone to losing his temper, picking fights, and destroying everything within about a 20 mile radius. Which you could say that this personality trait compliments his magic, but that part actually ties into the headcanon itself. Let me explain. The person who's imagining all of this from the hospital sees Natsu's disorders and decides the perfect way for him to fit into their little imaginary world and by being a fire wizard. Fire perfectly compliments Natsu's anger issues and gives him a reason to eat so excessively in this person's mind so his body can keep up with the extra calories it's constantly burning.

Erza - PTSD

PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a mental disorder that can develop after a person experiences or witnesses a traumatic event and vary based on severity. It can often make its victims irritable, hostile, hypervigilant, self-destructive, and even socially isolated or feeling awkward. It can cause flashbacks, severe anxiety, a feeling of mistrust in others and can even cause feelings of guilt and/or loneliness. It can bring about nightmares and insomnia and can cause emotional detachment and an increase in intrusive thoughts or impulsive actions. Two of the most common causes of PTSD are military trauma and abuse. And perhaps Erza experienced both.

Erza is a strong willed character who often has flashbacks of her time in the tower of heaven. She can often find it hard to trust others for a time, but sympathizes with those who felt the same pain and torment she did in the tower. She usually tries to remain calm but can at times have extreme outbursts of anger and always seems to be weary and hyper aware of her surroundings. It's rare to see her let her guard down which she seems to do very well with the women and not as well with the men (with the exception of Natsu, Gray, and Makrov). This attitude seems to shift after Alvarez as she seems more distant and hostile with new females introduced than she is with the new men introduced afterwards. This could be due to Erza being abandoned and nearly killed by her own mother which was revealed in the Alverez arc.

Gray - OCD

OCD or Obessive Compulsive Disorder is usually defined as a need to be clean all of the time as well as everything around you. Depending on the severity of the disorder it can make you feel as though nothing is ever clean enough from the floor you're standing on to the CLOTHES YOU WEAR.

Gray is often seen without his clothes straight down to his skippies and in some instances even without them. Yes its explained in Gray's flashbacks to childhood that this is because this was how his master, Ur, trained him as a child and that those teachings were drilled so deep into his head that he just strips subconsciously. During a fight or when using magic. But what about normally when he's just relaxing. If it were instilled him that hard, then shouldn't Lyon be the same way? But to our knowledge, he isn't. The only time we've seen him do the same is in battle. The truth is Gray continues to do so because being trained to strip down to the bare minimum for battle gave him a comfortable feeling that he hadn't felt before and for the first time in his life, he started feeling comfortable in his own skin. Now as an adult, even if that's not the case anymore, it still happens subconsciously usually when he starts feeling some levels of stress. It's often common for those with OCD to comply to their urges, subconsciously or not, when they feel some kind of stress. It could be anxiety, excitement, rage, etc.

Wendy - Neotenic Complex Sydrome

Neotenic Complex Sydrome (NCS) or forever baby sydrome is a rare condition that makes one appear as if they aren't aging at all. In most cases this can make a grown person appear to be a toddler or even younger. In some less severe cases, it can cause an adult to simply look like a child.

Wendy is the only character in Fairy Tail we never see grow or change except in experience and power. Even after 2 whole years after the Tenrou incident she doesn't grow "even an inch" according to Wendy herself. Even Auska, the youngest member of Fairy Tail seems to be growing over those 2 years, but Wendy remains the same. We do see her as a child and she has clearly grown from childhood, however, Sting and Rogue were meant to be the same age as Wendy. In Anna's flashback we see all 5 dragon slayers as children and despite Wendy most probable to be the oldest, (W - Feb 27th, S - April 25th, R - unknown other than he was born the same year as wendy and Sting, so I say most probable to be the oldest because she was born at the start of the year and it's likely Rogue was born later in the year), she's still the smallest of the three. You can argue that girls are inherently smaller than boys, but that's not always the case. In fact as children it's quite often that girls are actually bigger than boys. And it tends to be true that your age shows better as a child and less so as you get older. So if Wendy was born first, shouldn't she have had the most time to grow and be bigger than Sting and Rogue?

Happy - Therapy Animal

Happy doesn't so represent a disorder as he does the hospitals therapy animal. More often than not, Happy gives comfort to those around him as a therapy animal would do in a hospital. He's particularly close to two of the patients, Natsu obviously as he seems to know just what to tell Natsu to get him to calm down long enough to listen when he notices things are starting to get out of hand. And the other will make sense when we get to them. In the hospital outside of the imaginary world of the other patient, Happys just a normal cat who goes to each patient to comfort them and help them come to terms with their disorders. He can even at times experience their disorders with them to create a visual for the patient about what their disorder is and how it can affect them and those around them. Which could be why we often see him indulge himself with eating when he's with Natsu specifically.

Carla/Charle - Doctor

Like Happy, Carla more plays a role than has a disorder. She's the hospitals doctor. She's the most realistic of the bunch and is the only one that has two forms. Human and exceed. Her exceed form would protane to her being a doctor trained to only one profession. As we know she grew up with Wendy, so in the hospital, it's quite possible that she was Wendy's doctor growing up and was the one in charge of her treatments and that's why she's so protective of Wendy. She later would become the doctor for the whole team as Wendy was now healthy enough to be introduced to other people with little to no consequence and it would be much easier to group the patients that spend a lot of time together with the same doctor. But of course she would have to further her education and training to be able to handle the other conditions of the other patients. So she evolved. And that's how we got human Carla/Charle. Because now she's trained in more than one profession so she has more than one form.

And last but most certainly not least...

Lucy - Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that can cause hallucinations, delusions, or even cause the patient to recede into their own mind that can cause disorganized thinking and behavior.

The story of Fairy Tail is told from Lucy's perspective. I've seen the theories and the headcanons that the story is simply one that takes place in Lucy's mind as she's writing about it. And that's what got me thinking about this whole thing. The 7 years on Tenrou was a 7 year coma Lucy herself endured and when she woke up, everyone she knew when she went under was still there, including Wendy who hadn't changed at all hence why she had to be at least one of the wizards to go to Tenrou Island for the s-class trials, despite being a newcomer, the youngest member of the guild, and a child. In order to make this happen, Lucy had to imagine her with a rare magic type to ensure her spot on the s-class trials and since Little Wendy wants to be a doctor as an adult, her magic reflects that making her the sky dragon slayer and a healer. While this doesn't explain why no one else aged in her mind, it could be that she just didn't want to think time kept moving for her friends so she froze them in time along with her so she didn't have to feel she missed on their adventures. In her mind, when time stopped for her, it stopped for everyone in the hospital, at least all of the patients. Because Wendy never ages she assumed that because Wendy hadn't aged, neither had anyone else. Now wouldn't Happy as a normal cat be noticeably aged. Nope. The original Happy died a long time ago and was replaced with a similar looking cat who they've also chose to name Happy for those who can't or find it hard to adapt to change. Or it could be they simply chose to replace Happy when he got old for that same reason. To keep the illusion that nothing was changing for those who couldn't handle it or have a hard time doing so. So in Lucy's fantasy, nothing changed for any of the patients in 7 years while she was under. The entire story is an adventure Lucy is imagining while the hospital undergoing treatment. And as someone with schizophrenia, she sees the treatments and medications as an enemy that needs to be defeated that they're all fighting together. And Zeref (at least in the OG series) is a phsycatrist, who became one to initially help his younger brother watching his parents struggle to take care of him and his needs, which made him the number one enemy in Lucy's mind. The demons from the books of Zeref were pych students in training, including Natsu, who has been a patient so long as well as her friend that Lucy can't accept it and continues to see him as one of her friends who's just fighting off his demon side further complicating their relationship in universe. Her celestial spirits are her imaginary friends that help her and tell her how to fight off the medication and treatments, and when she sacrificed Aquarius for the Celestial Spirit King, she was actually choosing to start to get better by giving up her most beloved imaginary friend and taking the medication. She later decided she couldn't go through with it and chooses to "find Aquarius" again. Her magic also correlates to her real life personality as gazing at the stars and finding the constellations was the only thing that made her feel "normal" and was one of her favorite things to do, so she named her imaginary friends after the constellations and her magic to do with summoning them to help her fight her enemies.

I know this all seems far-fetched and I tired to be as sensitive to each disorder as I could giving enough descriptive details trying not to make this too long. I did extensive reasearch on each disorder before decidibg to share this and even share a few of them myself. But this has been brewing in my head for years and I feel the most comfortable place for me to share is online with a bunch of strangers. Again if you want a full synopsis with extensive detail on any of these characters or any of the others from the show, then let me know! I'd be happy to go into this deeper if anyone's interested!

And remember, if you ask for help, you aren't burdening anyone. This post is also a reminder that everyone is struggling with something even if you can't see it. Don't be afraid to reach out if you're struggling. There is another way out. Don't give up. You are strong. You are loved. Your life is worth more than your silence. 🧡💛

[sa1808fi]

thinking abt how in rex's case, the age-old question of "is it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?" would for once have the answer of "yes"

cause if he had been trapped on undar before tlm1, he wouldnt have suffered as much as he did sure, he still would suffer, but he wouldnt have felt abandoned by people he held dear. cause he didnt HAVE anyone to hold dear you cant feel abandoned and forgotten by people you dont have

but as it stands, in canon he went back to being alone like he'd been his entire life before meeting his friends. only difference is, for the first time it actually stung

so paradoxically if emmet had never met the gang, rex never would've happened - nevermind the fact that he wouldn't go out into space at all, if he DID get trapped on undar through some other means (like how rex was in the original storyboards, when he was still a random guy - the alien attack knocked him off the bricksburg table), he wouldn't have broken nearly as much - if at all. and rex specifically would have no reason to exist as a persona, cause he wouldn't have anyone to prove himself to

Hmmmm, intresting take you've got here.

See i'm going to assume you meant yes to the 'it being better to have never loved at all' part of that saying, cause that's what I'm getting from this. And all in all, I do agree.

I mean at this point it's been shown many times that the main thing that motivated Rex to try and bring about armageddon was because of his hatred towards his old friends and the way they 'betrayed' him, they way they treated him when they first met, and all of the other times after that.

I've mentioned this plenty of times in previous posts, but the betrayal Rex feels during Undar isn't just from being left there alone, it's also the pain of having the people closest to you not trust your ability to take care of yourself (or them).

Emmet is a person so full of love and happiness, he always wants to help the people around him, and this fact is made evident in the few scenes we see of Apocalypseburg where he goes around and tries to spread joy or help them, especially his friends.

And while there were some good times during those few years, it's debatable if those few instances were really worth all of the mistreatment he experienced outside of that, and then the 5 year isolation in Undar.

I still think that even without meeting Lucy, he would still develop that hatred that fuels him in Undar, it's just that this time, he doesn't have anyone there to betray him. Since he doesn't have any relationships this time round, the pain of being left behind wouldn't sting as much because he no longer has any of those people to miss.

But he's still going to want to get out of Undar and get tougher as a way to stick it to everyone who ever ignored him and become so cool that he feels much more 'powerful' than everyone else.

I guess in this timeline, he's focusing on himself more than the rage he's feeling (it's still there alright, just not as destructive as in the og timeline), he's trying to make himself unforgettable to make up for those years of conformity.

Yeah no but this is fun to think about

The angst of him turning out better after Undar because he never had any friends to be mad at is doing things to me.

(Rex my bby :( )

[kodathefennec]

If you're reading this, it means i broke my promise of not trying a third time and uploaded the playlist without the songs that caused the previous videos to be blocked; and, like i said in the description of the current video, there are A FUCK TON of songs in which couldn't make it to said video

I decided to post the full list of songs in here so you guys could make your own private playlist; and again, like i said in the description of that video, i have separated the songs into categories in case any of you want to understand how my character analysis affects the playlist, since i don't plan on making a video or post talking about my character analysis on Goldie

I'll also be adding the images to mark each category and color coding the songs that are in the video and the songs that aren't

Here is the link if you want to watch the video

WARNING: GIANT TEXT WALL AHEAD

Songs that AREN'T in the video will look like this

Songs that ARE in the video will look like this

Pride:

Watch Me Work from Trolls 3: Band Together

Looking Like This by Lyre Le Temps

Primadonna Girl by Marina And The Diamonds

I'm Born To Run by American Authors

Eighth Wonder by Lemon Demon

The Main Character by Will Wood

Image:

Revenge/rage:

All Eyes On Me by Or3o

Emperor's New Clothes by Panic!At The Disco, cover by NateWantsToBattle

Hermit The Frog by Marina And The Diamonds

The Moon Rises by Ponyphonic

Bad Child by The Tones And I

Empire from Monster High - Boo York Boo York

Waiting On A Miracle from Encanto

Mirror Man by Jack Stauber

image:

Self destructive behaviour:

Icarus by Bastille

Baby Boy by Mother Mother (i'm really sad that i couldn't add this song because it fits Goldie SO FUCKIN MUCH(⁠ノ⁠｀⁠Д⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠彡⁠┻⁠━⁠┻ SAME WITH ICARUS)

Image:

Transition - self destructive behaviour to destructive behaviour:

Liar by The Arcadian Wild

Oh ana by Mother Mother

Image:

Destructive behaviour:

Goose Goose Revolution the living tombstone

Wrecking ball by Mother Mother

Image:

SADepression:

Copacabana by Barry Manilow

When she loved me from Toy Story 2, cover by lyn lapid

Something comforting by Porter Robinson

Everything stays from Adventure Time, cover by Maruwhat

Image:

Fun Fact: i wanted to add the song who can it be now by Men At Work at the end as an extra, and instead of an image, it was going to be AtomicalAngel's animation of Goldie dancing to the same song, but i decided to scrap that idea because i don't know if they would be comfortable with that and i was too scared to ask

[cerealboxlore]

feeling evil, have some angst

so twins mary and billy, their parents died and they were both “taken in” by ebenezer and, shockingly enough, he sucks

ebenezer ends up almost killing mary and ditches her in some alley or something where someone kind finds her and gets her into a better place/adopts her but she lost her memories due to the trauma, i imagine that she very vaguely remembers billy and just knows something is missing but generally lives a pretty good life

anyways, billy saw her get beaten by ebenezer and doesnt know what happened to her after and might assume shes dead

he leaves ebenezer and lives on the streets (maybe gets some sort of revenge?)

later he becomes the champion and even layer joins the league

and one day while on a mission with the league he gets hit by a magic spell (or maybe fear toxin? but i’m thinking more a spell) that makes him relive his worst memory/fear

he manages to hold off the effects until he gets to the watchtower (maybe thinks nothing is wrong until it hits him at the watchtower?) and his whole demeanour just changes

he goes from happy cap to scared child to so full of rage and sorrow that it engulfs martian manhunter

i can’t organise anymore of my thoughts rn but basically it’s not fun times

Never stop being evil, honey bee 🐝

I've been going absolutely buck wild over this and let me tell you, the angst in this nutrious fic meal is divine! My compliments to the chef! 👨‍🍳

For the twin batson siblings, it's always been a thought of mind of how they could get separated from each other for so long. It's a thing that has different scenarios and details depending on the author/writer, but I thoroughly enjoy the idea of Mary and Billy being under Ebeneezer's care until Ebeneezer decides to get rid of one of them, via not so good means, and the other ending up running away in fear. Billy was always the one who ran away in my eyes, but the reasons into his run away decision is much deeper than one originally thinks.

Billy doesn't want to run away. He's a child who needs protecting. But he's led to believe that he has to, out of fear and wanting to live. Seeing his own twin sister getting near the brink of death would traumatize Billy. They share the same face, seeing Mary get hurt would scare Billy into thinking he was next. Maybe Ebeneezer got tired of having to take care of children, maybe he wanted their trust funds/inheritance, or maybe there was an accident with his car and he didn't see Mary playing in the drive way (or did he), and wanted to ditch the body. So many scenarios that could have lead to the ultimate destruction of this family. Mary is also a child, and to go through all of that would certainly be painful for ber to endure. I wouldn't blame her if the memories of this was too much to handle, causing her to repress everything into an amnesia like state for her own safety. She's fortunate enough to get adopted into a new family and have a fresh start in life, but she will be apart and missing that half of her that is her brother. She may not remember Ebeneezer hurting her, but the scars will stay.

As for sweet Billy Batson, running away to become homeless wasn't easy, but it's a decision he felt was safer than being in that horror of a house. He eventually becomes the champion of magic and joins the Justice League, good for him, but the traumas and tragedies of his past haunt him more than he realizes. Despite having all the magic in the world, he's still a child crying for his parents and sister deep down. This can be exposed/played with if a certain Venusian worm wanted to experiment and rot away his mind to destroy him, and what better way to do it than with Mr. Mind partnering up with the Scarecrow. I'm unsure what deal they would have to work together, but the mind is a terrifying place that holds the person together. A mind controller and a man who is fear itself would have a hell of a time together facing the Justice League.

Perhaps these two are hunting down members of the league together, slowly making their attempts to dwindle their numbers of active heroes down for a larger scale plot. Make the heroes of the world defenseless against their minds and inner fears, too mentally weak to fight against the later plot. The JL is on high alert, warning their fellow heroes of what's to come. Cap is too late for their message, already a victim to the evil duo's diabolical mental manipulation. Mr. Mind knows who Cap is and uses it to his advantage, controlling his memories to bring forward the worst memories of his life; his time in Ebeneezer's house. The abuse the went though. The starvation. The sense of worthlessness. Reliving what he believes were Mary's last moments. The blood. The dread. The fear.

Billy knows he's losing his mind. He can feel his mental fortitude rotting away and melting into insanity over the waves of grief and wrath engulfing him. Perhaps this also causes the seven deadly enemies to being to break free from their prisons as well. He manages to make it to the watch tower, desperately admiting that he needs help immediately, losing his smile and crying a storm of tears that won't stop.

He's defenseless. He feels weak. Worthless. The memories that haunt him are possessing his every thought, eating away at him.

I'd very much like to see how Martian Manhunter would handle this situation, especially considering how he would find out fast that Billy is just a kid, but also the dangers of entering a mind that Mr. Mind has tampered with. I'd love to see more interactions between these people, as well as batman, since Scarecrow is his villain/rogue after all.

I had an absolute blast with this ask! There's so much potential that goes with Billy and his past traumas, especially when it concerns Mary. The constant separation anxiety they both must feel, but Mary doesn't know what she's feeling separated from must be awful.

Oh goodness I wrote a lot

[kitkatpadywaks]

The Consequences of Callousness

The first instalment of La Mechancete De La Vie, Aka The Villainy of Life. Hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: Witch Trials. Torture. People Die. Death Is A Bit Distraught.

A/N: Posting this instead of the next part of In Another Universe as I'm struggling with it. I know where I'm going with the story, but I don't know how to get there yet, so I'm hoping I can figure it out by next Friday. Until then, I'll be posting La Mechancete De La Vie.

Masterlist | Next

Sometime in the 15th century:

Life watches, invisible to all, as the humans pile sticks against the platform attached to a wooden post. She watches them until the sky darkens and a crowd gathers, the humans instinctively avoiding where she stands. Shouting comes from over the hill. The pounding of footsteps and the clinking of chains; echo across the dry, dead cornfield. Light from torches the humans carry light up the area and their prisoner.

The young woman looks straight ahead, her face blank as they lead her to the stake, the crowd shouting in her face. Life frowns at their savagery. Thinking, not for the first time, how little she likes humanity and how they were her least favourite thing the immortal entities of the world had created with her power.

"Joan Morgan! You stand accused of Witchcraft! How do you plead!?" The leader shouts, barely perceptible above the roar of the crowd.

The young woman spits at his feet. He slaps her, the woman grinning a bloody smile in response, making Life smirk at her fearlessness. The Witchhunter grabs a torch from one of the men, making Life tense as the Witch's short existence flashes before her eyes. Life admires her kindness and her previous devotion to healing the people who now want to kill her. Life reaches out to the strings connecting everything. The Witchhunter grins, holding the flame close to the young woman's face, watching with joy as she whimpers, her skin burning. Life severs the strings.

She tilts her head as the Witch hunters and the gathered crowd drop dead on the floor, uncaring, with no doubt that they deserved it. The young woman gapes at the sight, her eyes landing on Life as she appears before her and picks up the burning torch. "Who are you?" The Witch's voice quivers from pain and fear.

Life smiles at her, extending her free hand to help her down from the stake; the Witch's hand trembles in her grip. "It doesn't matter who I am. You are safe now."

The Witch drops her hand and steps away from her. Life tilts her head, making the young woman gulp and stutter out a 'thank you'. She nods at the Witch, gesturing for her to leave as the field's energy shifts, imperceivable to the young woman. Life watches her run; makes sure she's out of sight before turning to her visitors, throwing the burning torch onto the wood.

"Is there a problem?"

Death eyes Life as she steps over the corpses of the humans, Destiny's silent gaze taking in the destruction Life caused. The Kindly Ones scoff and then recoil when her gaze snaps to them. Her face is emotionless as flames dance behind her, reflecting her rage at the humans.

"Why did you do this, Life?" Death asks her old friend.

"Do what? End their lives?" Life smiles at her, wondering why the humans matter to her. "Don't you think they deserved it?"

"You don't have the right..."

"I have the only right." Life smirks at the Endless, nudging one of the corpses with her foot. She tilts her head curiously as the man flops on his back, his withered face staring lifelessly at the dark sky. "And they deserved it."

"That is not your decision to make." Death whispers, horrified. She looks at Life, remembering her as kind, gentle and full of love. Death wonders what changed. What happened to make her so different? She wonders when her friend turned so unmerciful and callous.

The fire behind Life roars louder, making Death look at it with concern.

"Whose is it then?" Life asks, genuinely curious and unbothered as the fire spreads, the dry field perfect fuel for the unattended flame.

"Life... What happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" Life looks at her friend, waiting for her to elaborate.

"YOU KILLED THIRTY PEOPLE! WHAT DO YOU THINK I MEAN!" 

Life throws her hands up in mock surrender, "Now, now. No need to shout."

Death sighs, dread settling in her chest, and looks at her older brother with a silent and desperate question as the fire circles them. Tears fill her eyes when he nods his confirmation. Life doesn't care, and she will do it again. She looks at her friend with sadness. And with fear. Fear of what she's become and how much worse she had the potential to be.

"What's wrong, my friend?" Life asks, looking at the tears on her friend's face.

"You're not my friend." Death wipes the tears away, "That's what's wrong."

"Then who am I? Is there another Life I don't know about?" Life's eyebrows rise, amusement in her voice. The Kindly Ones step forwards. Death's faint murmuring apology is the last thing she hears before the world turns black, and she's alone. 

Life looks around the expanse of darkness, her chest tightening like an invisible weight is crushing her as her eyes struggle to adjust. "Death? Destiny?"

Silence is all that greets her as she floats in the cold dark. She reaches out with her powers, looking for anything she can grab onto, any string she can manipulate, but finds nothing. Life flails around in panic, a powerful explosion of power lashing out as she looks for an exit in the darkness.

"DEATH!" She screams, heaving, as another surge of power blasts across the Void. Life's breathing slows when she hears a high-pitched crack. She turns on the spot, looking for the source of the sound. 

A grey crack in the black of the Void catches her eye; she tilts her head as her power reaches out to touch it. Warmth fills her body, and the familiar feel of the universe as she knows it fills her veins. Life smirks, relaxing her muscles, and closes her eyes, embracing the darkness. She lets her power flow and fill the Void, allowing it to press against her cage's weakness. Knowing one day, she'll be free. All she needed to do was be patient.

Life was good at being patient. She had been, for all of her existence, watching, waiting. It came easy to her, even after being betrayed by her only friend. She goes through her memories to pass the time- quickly at first. But then, she realises how long she could be in the Void. How little progress her powers make with prying open the cage. Unable to tell how much time has passed. In the world; she's no longer a part of, a world she's locked away from, with only her memories to keep her company. So she floats in the darkness, her body losing all its heat, remembering and thinking until she realises what went wrong. 'What happened to her' as it were. And it pisses her off, pisses her off enough that her body warms again, and her rage fuels her power as it lashes against the cage's weakness. And then she hears it:

"From the dark..."

She strains to hear the words as they fade away. The darkness shifts, the Void cracking. Life flinches at the volume, keeping her eyes closed as light punctures the dark, her eyes stinging behind her eyelids.

"Here in the darkness. Here in the darkness!"

Her confusion grows as the chanting continues. Life feels herself getting pulled out of the Void. She resists, a dreadful feeling settling in her stomach.

"We summon you together. COME!"

~

Morpheus will be in the next chapter.

[eyesanddragons]

I mention a lot that in media (and especially in Wings of Fire) there is the presence of a Good Victim/Bad Victim Dichotomy, where there's a type of Victim is "good and right" who processes there trauma in a sanitized nice way and another type of Victim who is "bad and evil" for processing there trauma in a wrong ugly way.

I hate this, it's too simplistic and an ultimately harmful way of looking at trauma that puts traumatized people into "moral" categorizations based on how "pretty" they process it. But WoF follows this a lot. I'm mentioning this because a good portion of Arc 2 doesn't actually conform to this Dichotomy, it has it's faults and falls into the same trappings the previous and next Arcs fall into, to an even more egregious extent actually considering how Darkstalker is treated. But if we put that aside for a moment Arc 2 has a really good story about trauma, and this is why I care so much about Winter Turning.

Winter Turning is one of my favorite stories about trauma, ever, It's why this series sticks with me even though I don't like it that much anymore.

And I'd like to unpack why.

So first of all. Winter lives in a incredibly hostile society where any sort of deviation or weakness is punished, except the society is almost incomprehensible, it's not something Winter understands no matter how hard he tries. He can't wrap his head around the system no matter how hard he tries, he emulates the people around him and yet he's always doing something wrong. Except he can't figure out what he's doing wrong, there's something he's doing differently. There's something different about Him.

Page 25, Winter Turning:

He could see their faces so clearly - that look they got whenever he did something wrong. The look that said, if only we’d lost you instead of Hailstorm. If only you met any of our expectations, If only you were everything an Icewing should be.

So he's pushed into isolation, guilt and self-hatred but also rage, rage at himself and rage at others. His anger is one of his most defining characteristics. It's lived with him forever, it's his way of coping with a world he can't (and shouldn't in his mind) fight back against.

And a very common thing in these types of stories is that the traumatized individuals that are full of rage and anger are evil and wrong for feeling like that. It's part of the Dichotomy, it is wrong to be angry. Now this is a simplistic way of looking at it, anger itself isn't bad it is the actions taken and again the moral categorizations of traumatized individuals based on how pretty and sanitized they process trauma isn't...great. Treating other traumatized people as evil for feeling emotions that can't easily be sanitized is bad.

Winter's actions are, bad, sometimes downright awful. But his anger at his parents and his society is never portrayed as evil in Winter Turning.

In an interesting subversion of this, what really causes Winter harm is his selflessness. His willingness to forgive and his unbreakable loyalty. Winter has given his loyalty to the wrong people, to the people that hurt him, to the people that hurt his friends. He's unwilling to break free from them. And that's ultimately what causes him and others the most harm.

Winter is unable to care for himself, missing that his suffering doesn't automatically equate to other people's happiness. And he project this unto people.

I've mentioned this in other posts but when Turtle first reveals his animus magic in Escaping Peril Winter's reaction (one of anger because Turtle didn't help his queen) doesn't seem to make sense at first. Why would Winter be angry that Turtle for not using his animus magic, post-Winter Turning Winter starkly believes that using animus dragons for mass destruction is bad and horrifying.

Page 237-238

If they still had animus dragons they could have won the War of Sandwing Succession in no time at all, and then all the territory Blaze had promised Queen Glacier would now be theirs. More important, no Icewing soldiers would have had to die...and Hailstorm would never have ended up as Scarlet's poisoner

(...) When he thought of the Icewing lives lost in the war, and for nothing in the end, he wished he could climb back through time, find an animus Icewing- maybe the one who wasted her gift on defense- and force her to make something that would wipe out all the Nightwings at once.

Uneasiness whispered through his bones at that thought...a thought he had hundred of times before. But now he could picture the Nightwings in their ramshackle rainforest village, trying to rebuild after the horrors of the volcano. He could remember the shivering dragonet in the wingery and the protective parents he'd scene, including Moon's mother.

It was actually completely terrifying to think that any dragon with magic could easily wipe out an entire tribe with just one enchanted object.

And yet he gets angry anyway. And the answer can be found here as well.

"More important, no Icewing soldiers would have had to die."

To phrase my point simply, if Winter was doing the trolley problem he'd kill the one guy to save the four others, but if a person he cared about was the one guy he'd switch tracks, albeit with a lot of hesitation, and if there was an option to let himself die to save all of them he'd take that with no hesistation.

What happens is that when Winter hears Turtle not wanting to become a living weapon, he hears "I don't want to sacrifice myself for the good of others" which makes Winter furious. Because to him Turtle is basically saying he'd let people die if it means he'll be okay.

Now this is unfair to Turtle and Winter is Not In The Right Here but it illustrates my point.

Winter's problem isn't his rage, it's him equating sacrifice with what is right while completely ignoring the wider context. Winter's rage is the way he express this worldview but it's not the problem.

Which leads to a differed question, why does Winter need to sacrifice himself? Why does he need to do this?

The answer: Guilt.

He feels guilty, he's weighing everyone down, in his mind he's so inherently awful that he's always Guilty. He needs to be sacrificed, pawned off, used, so that his debt can be repaid. He has to have something bad happening to him because to him he doesn't deserve good things.

It's this that makes me love Winter, these are the traits that would be portrayed as heroic, if not heroically tragic, the hero who sacrifices there happiness for others to live on in peace.

And that concept is being portrayed as Unhealthy, that no, you shouldn't have to live like a saint to be a good person, that Winter is Wrong.

What Winter needs...is selfishness.

And that's why it's so compelling as a trauma narrative. Winter (and Winter Turning) Is about this.

And better yet you can't sanitize this, Winter's story, Winter's Character, won't let you do that. You can't sanitize Winter's story because by it's nature you'll most likely only like Winter (and as such write/draw him) if you...engage with his story.

It's also why fandom caricatures of Winter always paint him as an even bigger jerk than he actually is but that's a whole other issue and I'm not unpacking fandom flanderization in this post.

Even if the rest of the books don't deliver on this, I always think about it. And that's why Winter Turning is so special to me, it's just this incredible look into one of my favorite stories about trauma ever.

Also Winter's feelings and experiences are incredibly relatable as an autistic person, this post is already really long so I won't get into it in detail but the feelings are There.

[topazadine]

Writing Research Notes: Bipolar Disorder

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 19 and had a psychotic episode at age 21, so I'd like to say I know a bit about what I'm talking about. And I'm a writer! So today, I'd like to provide some facts about bipolar as a jumping-off point for your research.

Things we'll discuss:

A note of caution

Types of bipolar disorder

Phases of bipolar

Warning signs of mania

Symptoms of mania

Symptoms of psychosis

How bipolar is treated

Common myths about bipolar

Characterizations to avoid regarding bipolar

How to create an authentic bipolar character

This is just my opinion as someone who has lived with bipolar for a long time. Everyone experiences bipolar a bit differently, so not everything I mention will apply to everyone, and my own story may not reflect every single bipolar person. With that disclaimer, let's go.

A Note of Caution

This is a guide to help people who want to write about bipolar. It should NOT be used for self-diagnosis or to diagnose anyone else.

If you think you have bipolar, you need to speak to a professional as soon as possible. Bipolar disorder is not a cute quirky accessory. Both mania and depression literally cause brain damage, as I've discussed in my post about the Myth of the Martyr-Artist.

This is not something to play around with or to use to build street cred or whatever. It is a serious, severe mental health condition that causes untold hardship for sufferers, including increased risk of suicide, homelessness, addiction, and even dementia.

So please don't read this and go "oh I probably have bipolar lol." If you do read through this and go "oh shit this sounds like me," then get thyself to a physician as soon as possible and go through a real, actual, professional screening.

Alright, anyway, let's get into it.

Types of Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar is typically separated into two types. What kind you have depends on your predisposition to either extreme: mania or depression.

Bipolar 1

People with Bipolar 1 tend to have more severe manic episodes and less severe depressive episodes. They are more predisposed to experience psychotic episodes, though psychosis can happen in Bipolar 2 as well. Bipolar 1 patients may only have very brief depressive episodes or they may only experience their "baseline" and mania. (As an aside, I have Bipolar 1.)

Bipolar 2

People with Bipolar 2 lean more toward depressive episodes. They may experience hypomania, which is a less severe form of mania, but their primary symptom will be depression.

It's important to note that while many say Bipolar 1 is more severe because of the manic episodes and risk of psychosis, this does not discount the extreme suffering that can result from Bipolar 2. Patients with Bipolar 2 have just as many struggles as Bipolar 1 patients.

Phases of Bipolar

Depression

This works much the same as the typical depression that people with Major Depressive Disorder experience, but bipolar patients may be more agitated, self-destructive, and aggressive when depressed.

Hypomania

This is the "less severe" version of mania. In the chart above, it's demonstrated by DIG-FAST: distractibility, impulsivity, grandiosity, flight of ideas, activity increases, sleeplessness, and talkativeness. These happen in full mania too, but to a greater extent.

Many people with Bipolar 2 welcome hypomania because, well, it feels a lot better than the depression they are usually stuck with. However, it's important to note that hypomania, like mania, can cause brain damage. It's not something to screw around with.

Mania

A more severe, destructive version of hypomania: everything is dialed up to 11. People may become hypersexual, spend money they don't have, destroy relationships, make inappropriate comments at work, or even fly into destructive rages.

Mania can be terrifying, both for the sufferer and for those around them. You can be so extremely happy that it's almost painful, or so angry that you feel like you're going to tear your own skin off.

Psychosis

This typically is the "end result" of mania which happens to about 50% of people experiencing a manic episode. It is typified by delusions and hallucinations. We'll discuss these a bit more later.

Contrary to popular belief, psychotic hallucinations are typically auditory, not visual, though visual hallucinations can occur as well. Other strange and less common hallucinations include olfactory (smelling things that aren't there), gustatory (tasting things that aren't there), or sensory (feeling people touching you).

Euthymia 

This is the normal, calm state in between depressive and manic episodes, where one has a sense of well-being and stability. It is the goal of therapy and medication management.

However, experiencing euthymia doesn't mean that the bipolar disorder is gone: it just means that it is in remission. Bipolar patients must always be on alert for warning signs of mania and be active participants in their own care.

Warning Signs of Mania

Manic episodes often come with prodomes, symptoms that appear before full-blown mania.

Bipolar patients and their families should be on alert for these warning signs and, if they continue to occur for more than a week or so, schedule an appointment with the patient's psychiatrist to see if they need a higher medication dosage.

Here are some common signs that happen before full-blown mania:

Feeling either really great or really terrible for no reason. Sometimes you can feel really great and really terrible at the same time. It's a very weird feeling.

Functioning well on little sleep for days on end. Not just one sleepless night, but being able to go to work and function on like 4 hours of sleep night after night.

Increased or decreased appetite. Either you hate food or it's the most important thing in your life. Can fluctuate day by day.

Increased productivity. You're getting soooo much done and so quickly! (It probably sucks but we'll put that aside for now.) You just want to work on your passion projects constantly.

Sudden interest in multiple new hobbies all at once, and throwing yourself into them with such passion that it's scary.

Weird physical symptoms. You may find yourself locked into a position and not want to move, or your skin may feel odd, like it's too tight or prickly.

Sudden bouts of tinnitus. It sounds really weird, but it's been proven to be a sign of impending mania along with the skin symptoms I mentioned before.

Your eyes look different. Your pupils are always dilated.

Not everyone will get all of these, but most people will have at least one trigger that happens to them every time before a manic episode. For me, it was hypergraphia (because of course it was).

Symptoms of Mania

Not all of these symptoms will happen to everyone, and every manic episode can be a little different. It all really depends on who you are. Now, I must say that anyone, bipolar or not, can have these symptoms. It is the intensity of them that defines mania. A manic episode can ruin your life because you just get. so. extreme. about whatever it is.

Becoming extremely focused on random things and projects. For me, it was cleaning the house: I started throwing out old photos that I thought we didn't need because I didn't want any clutter. I would sweep the floor for hours at a time. Sudden and intense interest in random subjects. I got really obsessed with Neolithic Scotland of all things. Now I can't even remember half the shit I learned. Spending way too much money. Many people will go into extreme debt because of their mania, especially if they don't have family support. I spent like $300 on a kitchen knife set despite having a full set of perfectly serviceable kitchen knives. I also bought a professional-grate ukulele that I very much could not afford and very much did not need. Worsening of any addictions or developing new addictions. Especially seen in gambling addictions because, well, you already want to spend a lot of money and it's an extreme dopamine hit. Sudden and intense aggression or emotional volatility. Normally calm and relaxed people will go off the deep end about pretty much anything: screaming, throwing things, and then bursting into tears out of guilt. I'm normally a pretty chill person, but one time I threw a phone at my mom's head because she pissed me off so much. I can't even remember what she said to make me mad. Feeling invincible. Manic people are convinced that nothing bad could ever happen to them and they can do whatever they want. Think of someone running into traffic, sure that no one will hit them. Or, on the other hand, feeling terrified of everything. This can happen to the same person, sometimes simultaneously. You may believe everything is a threat, even when there is no clear and obvious threat. Being physically incapable of sleeping. It's not insomnia like normal people experience, where you pop a melatonin or do some breathing exercises and manage to fall asleep. You cannot fall asleep. Normal sleeping pills do not work. You may need heavy-duty tranquilizers. One time, I combined like five Benadryl and a whole bottle of whisky and STILL couldn't get to sleep. I was crying because of how tired I was. Talking extremely fast and in an extremely disconnected way. This is called flight of ideas; you start jumping from one discussion to another in ways that other people can't follow. Your brain has made that leap but can't articulate it for other people. Shiny eyes. You really can see mania in the eyes; it's very unsettling. Manic eyes look dark, wide, and shimmery. Hypersexuality. I did not have this problem, but I have talked to bipolar people who wrecked their marriages because they could not control their urges. That's not an excuse, of course, nor does it lessen the pain that the other person felt. But it can indeed happen. Unintentional pregnancies, STDs, and a whole lot of bad feelings can come from this. Kleptomania. I also did not experience this, but I have heard of other bipolar people who felt an uncontrollable urge to steal things they didn't even need to: they could afford it, they just wanted the thrill of stealing it.

Mania can cause amnesia afterward, and the person may not remember large swathes of what happened, or it will feel "dream-like" and confusing. Of course, they've got some major damage control to do that can plummet them into depression.

Symptoms of Psychosis

Again, just like with mania, not everyone will experience all of these. If a person has multiple psychotic episodes, each one may be a bit different every time.

I'm going to separate this into several sections: common delusions, common hallucinations, and Other symptoms (which are often not discussed as much).

Common Delusions

Delusions can shift throughout the course of a psychotic episode, seamlessly morphing from one to another without clear cause.

With psychoanalysis, one can often find that there are "seeds" of a delusion in the person's everyday life, and they may be connected to current events. For example, someone may think they're the reincarnation of a previous president during a presidential election.

Being god or a reincarnation of a famous person

Extreme religiosity

A belief that they have found the "key" to the universe and that everything is connected by some vast conspiracy

Being surveilled by a government entity, sometimes with the belief that they have had tracking devices installed without their consent

Being stalked, harassed, or tormented by unknown entities or by strangers (gang-stalking)

Being persecuted for a certain identity

Having some special role to play or a special status

Being a member of a special community

Having special knowledge or insight into issues, like world affairs

Being ill with another disease, like cancer or dementia

Being ageless, immortal, or invincible

Having a special connection with a celebrity, famous person, fictional character, people you know, or even strangers

A sense that loved ones have been replaced with clones or copies

Believing that there is a secret "play" going on and other people are playing along with a secret "script"

Believing other people can hear your thoughts, or that you can hear theirs

Common Hallucinations

Repeating noises, words, or phrases, often in distinct voices

Spectral, unhearable music

Environmental noises that don't exist, like train whistles or construction sounds

Repeating jingles or "ear-worms" that get stuck and may continue for days or weeks off and on

Humming, whirring, or ringing

Mutated or blurry faces, even of people you know well

A sense that a person's face is not their "real" face and they are wearing a mask

Haloes or auras around people or animals

Sparkles, flashes, and black spots

Colorful lights, ribbons, or strings

Seeing people you know who could not feasibly be there, like old coworkers, old partners, or deceased relatives

Vague blurry shapes, or distinct monster-like entities

Strangely shaped or mutated animals or people

"String people" or "stick people"

Black "void people"

Shadows that aren't there, typically around doors or windows

Skittering bugs, rodents, or snakes, often black or blurry

Bugs or small creatures crawling on the skin

Itchiness or grittiness on the skin

Light feathery touches along the skin, especially on the back or hands

Goosebumps with no clear cause that don't go away

Bad smells, like feces, garbage, body odor, or burning plastic

Good smells, often those from childhood

Losing sense of smell or taste

Sense that the mouth is full when nothing is there

Prickly tongue

Metallic taste (may be a medication side effect)

Other Symptoms

Muscle stiffness

Catatonia

Slurred or fast speech

Lack of appetite

Weight loss

Migraines

Parkinsonian symptoms (tremors)

How Bipolar Is Treated

Bipolar is treated in a few ways, with the most important and prominent being medication.

Medication

Bipolar is typically treated with mood stabilizers, which is a vague class that includes anticonvulsants, SSRIs, SNRIs, and other groups of medications. (The medication I use, Lamictal, is an anticonvulsant.)

Psychiatrists must be very careful when prescribing antidepressants for Bipolar I patients because too much can bring on mania. Bipolar 1 patients will often have an antipsychotic added to their regimen as well. There are new classes of drugs that combine antidepressants with antipsychotics for a one-and-done deal.

Bipolar patients may also have antianxiety medications added to their regimen.

Psychosis is a medical emergency and must be treated as soon as possible. Fast-acting antipsychotics can be injected in the emergency room to stablize a psychotic patient. They may also use tranquilizers to calm a paranoid or combative patient.

Like with schizophrenia, patients who are not medication-compliant may opt for a long-lasting antipsychotic injection that only needs to be done once a month or once every three months.

Therapy

A history of trauma is one of the things that predisposes a person to bipolar disorder, so working on this can help reduce symptoms. EMDR therapy can be a safe and effective way to process trauma for bipolar patients.

However, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) doesn't work very well for bipolar patients because, well, their cognitive distortions are brought about by chemical changes in the brain, not just seeing the world "wrong."

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a better choice for bipolar patients because it helps them become more aware of their thoughts and, therefore, better able to manage their emotions.

Other options include equine-assisted therapy (my favorite!), art therapy, and family therapy to help build a stronger support system.

Lifestyle Changes

All the stuff that helps "normal" people can help bipolar patients, too. For example, having a set routine, eating well, setting and keeping a bedtime, getting exercise, and eating well are all crucial for managing bipolar, in addition to medication and therapy.

Weight management is a critical component of bipolar treatment. A lot of antipsychotics and mood stabilizers can cause weight gain, even when someone isn't overeating; they can also cause cravings for sweet foods or an increased appetite.

Because bipolar is often comorbid with other conditions worsened by excess weight, such as diabetes, heart disease, and PCOS, care must be taken to keep one's weight down. Excercise, because it has neurogenic benefits, can be enormously helpful in helping to heal the brain.

Some medications also cause vitamin deficiencies because they affect the way that the body processes nutrients, and they may block absorption of certain nutrients. Multivitamins can counteract this and even reduce symptoms because some deficiencies have a marked impact on mood.

Bipolar people should not drink, as it reduces the efficacy of medications and can lead to nasty side effects. They also should NOT smoke weed, especially if they have a history of psychosis. Yes, marijuana-induced psychosis is very real and far more likely for a bipolar person.

Additionally, bipolar people should nurture their support system, as having family support is a key factor in whether a bipolar person can stay stable.

Common Myths About Bipolar

Bipolar people are dangerous. Not necessarily true, though common media depictions show this as if all bipolar people are roving murderers.

In fact, bipolar people are more likely to kill themselves than anyone else: it has the highest suicide rate of any psychiatric illness, about 20 to 30 times more than the general population.

Medication is a crutch and bipolar people can get better by themselves. Wrong. Just like someone doesn't magically get better from Type I Diabetes without treatment, bipolar people need medication.

Bipolar can be treated just with lifestyle changes. Again, just like someone with Type I diabetes, you can't just will the bipolar away. You need treatment. No amount of supplements or sunshine will fix it. It's a brain disorder.

Medication turns bipolar people into emotionless zombies. Incorrect, with a caveat. The wrong dosage or type of medication very much can make someone into a zombie; I've certainly felt that way before. However, the correct treatment allows bipolar people to thrive and stay stable for years to come.

A bipolar person can never become stable and will always have symptoms. Sorta not true. Bipolar comes with other issues, like executive dysfunction, that cannot always be managed or treated. BUT bipolar people very much can become stable and mostly asymptomatic with the right treatment.

Bipolar people are always having some sort of crisis. It can feel that way, but once a person is stable, they can look just like anyone else.

Bipolar can go away. No. Even if you are in remission, you still have bipolar disorder and can relapse at any time. It is a brain dysfunction that causes measurable structural differences in the brain which do not go away.

Once you snap out of psychosis/mania, you're right back to normal. Wrong. You don't just wake up and are not psychotic anymore. It takes time for your brain to equalize and come back to baseline. I remember it as feeling like I was rising out of a long, long sleep. Once someone is stable, it's like nothing ever happened. Mania or depression causes brain changes that can last years after the episode. On average, the brain damage from mania exists for up to seven years after the last episode, and it worsens with each subsequent episode.

Any fluctuation in mood is a symptom of bipolar. This is so, so, so annoying. Bipolar people are allowed to have bad days just like anyone else. If I'm having a shitty day but I'm not throwing phones at people, then I'm probably just having a bad day. If I'm really happy, it doesn't mean I'm manic.

Bipolar people can't help it and shouldn't be punished for their actions. No no no. What I like to say is that my bipolar doesn't excuse my behavior, but it does explain it. If you hurt someone while manic, you still hurt someone and it's still your fucking fault! Never use it as an excuse to be an asshole.

Everything about bipolar is terrible. Wrong! Bipolar can have benefits like creativity, empathy, good problem-solving, and a unique perspective on life. A stable bipolar person can be a delight to be around. But these don't discount the downsides and should not be a reason to refuse treatment.

Characterizations to Avoid Regarding Bipolar

Roving maniac. Kind of a duh. We have a bad enough rap anyway.

Evil murderer. Same as above.

Abusive evil spouse. I mean, yeah, a bipolar person can be abusive, but they're likely abusive because they're a shitty person and bipolar is just a side effect.

Manic pixie dream girl. Don't romanticize bipolar either.

Miserable cinnamon roll. We're people, okay? Complex, multifactorial, interesting people. We're not constantly miserable.

Total trainwreck. If you're going to show someone's nervous breakdown, please please please show them when they are stable too. Please don't just distil the bipolar person down to their symptoms. Show us as who we are: complex people just like you or anyone else.

Drama magnet. Frankly, a lot of bipolar people don't want to get involved in other people's shit. We've got our own stuff going on. We're not out to wreck your life, we're just trying to get through the day.

How to Create an Authentic Bipolar Character

Do your research. Read a mixture of medical journals, stories from bipolar people, and good depictions of bipolar disorder in the media. Go beyond what I have discussed here and seek out good, peer-reviewed research.

Don't add bipolar just for shock value. Annoying and shitty. If you're thinking of making an evil cruel murdermonster, stop. We have it hard enough and you're going to make it worse.

Create the character first, then add the bipolar. Every bipolar person is different, just like every person is different. Get a feel for your character and then determine how they might act when manic or depressed.

Use an array of symptoms. Don't just go for "ooooh scary monster in the corner of my eye" because that's boring and overdone. Look through the list I provided and consider how you can fit a few of them in there.

Remember that it takes time to recover from an episode. You should not just have your character wake up one day and be cured. They will feel "off" for a while after an episode, like a very very long hangover.

Consider medication symptoms. Decide what medication they will use and then look up the symptoms. Demonstrate how this makes them feel and whether it makes them want to continue treatment.

Think about how a character feels about their bipolar. Some people don't think it's a problem because they like the energy, and others are terrified of relapsing. Some see it as a challenge to be overcome, and others find it to be a burden that they want to be rid of. And many will feel all of these at different times.

Show the impact on other characters. Remember that your other characters are seeing and reacting to this. They may be terrified, frustrated, hurt, dismissive, or not want to deal with it.

Demonstrate times of stability, too. Too many people use bipolar as an "ooooh soo sad" (especially psychosis) and don't show the character just being a normal human being.

Show the ableism bipolar people face. Yes, we do face ableism. People calling us crazy, denying us medical care, passing us up for jobs, or my very least favorite, "have you taken your meds today?" UGH SHUT UP YES I HAVE LEAVE ME ALONE.

Remember that many people are not medication compliant. Medication compliance is one of the number one indicators of whether a person will stay stable long term. If your character refuses to take their medication, then they are more likely to relapse.

People have many reasons for not accepting treatment: they don't like the way it feels, they're embarrassed, they don't see it as a problem, or they can't afford it (some of these meds can be hundreds of dollars a month even with insurance). So make sure to explain why they are medication non-compliant.

I've created a masterlist of writing resources that you can peruse at your leisure, all for free.

The posts I write can sometimes take me hours - they're always intricate, always thoughtful. This one took me about three hours to complete.

I do this as a labor of love for the writing community, sharing what I have learned from almost 15 years of creative writing.

However, if you'd like to support me, maybe you'll consider buying my book for $1.99?

9 Years Yearning is a gay coming-of-age romance set in a fantasy world. It follows Uileac Korviridi, a young soldier training at the War Academy. His primary motivations are honoring the memory of his late parents, protecting his little sister Cerie, and becoming a top-notch soldier.

However, there's a problem: Orrinir Relickim, a rough and tough fellow pupil who just can't seem to leave Uileac alone.

The book features poetry, descriptions of a beautiful country inspired by Mongolia, and a whole lot of tsundere vibes.

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