#DEADASS BRO YOU JUST GOTTA SAY FUCK IT SOMETIMES

[pokegalla]

Requested by @tryslogic

Hohoho! Oh man it’s been awhile since my last spicy writing. No one’s ever requested for it. So I may be a little rusty but I hope you enjoy nonetheless! (Warning!!! Pretty spicy so Minors DNI!)

How Touchy Can They Be In Public With Slightly Large Chested S/o!

Lust:

* This guy. He’s definitely touchy. He’s just very comfortable with doing so and a natural tease.

* He’ll usually have his arm around your waist and ‘accidentally’ pulls you closer so you would be pressed against him. He takes these opportunities to flirt even more. He’ll leave lingering touches and gently caress the nape of your neck, your collarbones, and just above your cleavage before pulling away. He definitely knows how to leave you longing for more….

* In private, it can be either fluffy or spicy depending on the mood! Sometimes he just likes to hold you or have his hand on you. It’s kind of a comfort thing. To remind him you’re here with him. Now if he’s horny….shit will go from spicy to burning hot if you know what I’m saying. He will be more openly touchy. Gripping your thigh, playfully tugging at your cleavage to show more of your chest. And he’ll be smiling all the while, looking up at you with a lustful gaze before giving you a kiss that leaves you panting.

* This guy has absolutely no filter with that mouth of his either. You decided to wear a shirt that does show quite a bit of cleavage and the look on his face says everything. “A shirt with a boob window huh? Then I hope you don’t mind me window shopping~” “Lust!” “I’m just enjoying the view love~”

* But he will never overstep his boundaries. You’re his S/o. The last thing he’d ever want is to make you uncomfortable. He just can’t help but enjoy those cute faces you make when he teases you. He could get addicted to it~.

Fresh:

* He has no boundaries let’s be honest. He’s the type of guy to accidentally teleport in your bathtub while you’re in there and he’ll just be like “Woah my bad brah!”

* I feel like you should probably teach him what not to do in public. Cause I’d definitely see him as crazy enough to grab a whole boob in public out of curiosity. He doesn’t really care either but if you keep reminding him, he’ll listen. Eventually.

* In private, it’s about the same thing but worst. You’ll be stuck in bed with this guy’s head smooshed between your breast. He finds it fascinating how soft they are. He’ll definitely be playing with them just to see your reactions. And he loves to kiss up and down your neck while doing so. (He loves your facial expressions. You look so damn cute. He’ll keep this in mind).

* Wearing shirts that show cleavage is just begging for him to poke the top of your boobs. But….he does like how you look. The way the shirt clings to you and present your breast….he kinda likes the view. And you can tell because this guy is shameless with all that staring. He doesn’t even hide it.

* He really needs to learn his boundaries sometimes but he’s just very curious. The curiosity is endearing but you’re starting to wonder if maybe he just loves your tits. Teasing him will actually get him a little flustered….but you’re gonna regret it-

Red:

* Bro. He’s a fucking horndog. And he’s worst then LUST. My guy does dirty jokes and flirts with you a LOT. He has his sweet moments of course (he’s still a sweetheart). But more times then that, he’s a pervert.

* You gotta watch out for this guy. He would definitely cop a feel any chance he gets. Deadass nothing is safe. Ass, tits, thigh, he’s slick with those hands. And if you tell him to cut it out, he’ll tease you and ‘convince’ you otherwise. And judging by that shit eating grin, he doesn’t regret it.

* In private, he’s actually much softer. Since no one can judge him, he can be more comfortable just unwinding and cuddling with you (he doesn’t want to seem weak). Doesn’t mean he won’t be touchy in these moments. In fact he’ll be twice as much grabby in these moments. Holding you close to him, softly squeezing and kneading your breast, leaving lingering kisses all over your face and neck. Yea sometimes it can end in a rather steamy session.

* Ok this is hilarious but if you wanna catch him off guard and make him flustered? Wear a shirt with cleavage. One time you did and he was walking into a room to look for you “hey babe have you seen the remote? I think Doomfanger got it ag-HOT DAMN!” My guy forgot everything he came here for. You know the cartoon whistle effect that goes up? That’s him but uh with his (Y’know….). Mans is definitely not keeping his hands off you now.

* He loves you very much and this is kinda how he expresses it (he finds it difficult to express himself through words so he shows it through touch). If you ever feel uncomfortable, he’ll understand too though. See? He can be a sweetheart (he’ll just be in extreme denial-)

Another little surprise! I was going to write a small oneshot but admittingly it was….kinda hard NOT to make it too spicy. So I decided on this for now! I hope you like it! Edit: lol I did it anyway. Good luck~ (below drawing)

[birbwithlove]

How the hell do you have confidence in yourself. I have never learned how to do that. In my whole life. Never had it. Shake during interviews lol. Can't stop it. I'm pathetic. I hate fearing everything and wish I was someone else.

Anon, my friend, do I have some stories for you. Here is my pre-teen self confidence issues and how I said fuck all that mess.

Back in like... freshman or sophomore year of high school (so I was around 14-15 y/o) I couldn’t look at anyone in the eye. If I walked in the streets I would keep my head down and walk around people, and that would make my walk to school like 20x longer and more painful. I would apologize to people bumping into me, I would apologize for getting in the way, etc, etc. I live in nyc so this happened quite frequently + there’s always someone on the street you’re walking, esp during rush hour.

Then one day I was in the middle of my walk and some asshole bumped into me hard enough for my shoulder to bruise, and just before I could apologize, he called me a bitch for getting in his way. I was pissed for the whole week. I hadn’t been this angry in a hot minute. After that, I was like ’why the fuck am I moving out of the way, apologizing to people, when they 1) are too busy with their own lives 2) don’t care 3) caused it?’

Then this led to the whole self-realization of what made me so “meek/nervous” all the time. I didn’t like people looking at me. I didn’t want people judging me by my appearance, by how I walked, by how my arms swing, etc etc. I didn’t want to be looked at. I didn’t want to be judged by people who only get one impression of me. That was my whole issue, at the very core of it, summarized into one sentence.

Now, this realization happened late fall, meaning winter came to bite everyone’s ass. In the winter, I always use a scarf, and I realized well, if I really don’t want to be looked at, then lemme just cover half of my face with my scarf. My nose won’t get cold, and people won’t have to look at me. Fantastic.

After that, I started looking straight ahead. I knew the potholes and cracks of the streets and sidewalks pretty well so I kept my head up and high, looked straight past the person, and at first I acted as if I was in an impatient rush. People moved out of my way and I didn’t have to bump into anyone. I don’t know if the scarf made me more intimidating to them or if it was just the fact that I started standing straight, but it worked. And after winter, I had trained myself to not look down anymore. I still didn’t want people looking at me, but it was easier now that I was used to not looking at anyone. Because as long as I don’t look at them, I won’t know if they’re looking at me or not. By acknowledging what made me uncomfortable, I created my own gradual step into my own self confidence, using my scarf.

And in doing so, I became a different person.

“Shake during interviews lol. Can't stop it.”

My very first interview was when I was 15 applying to a well known park in my city, and when I first applied, I had wrote “lol” at the end of my answers to, like... every other question. My interviewer had a fun time reading my answers to me, and at the time I was Super Embarrassed, but now when I go to my more “professional” interviews, I think back to that and I’m like “ok, there’s no way I can do worse than that (fun fact, I did in fact do worse than that, and I still got the job I had been applying for anyways). I’ll be fine. Who cares.” (Also, later on when I got to meet my coworkers, they told me this internship was highly competitive and they only accepted 20 people. I was like how the fuck did I get in then when i was so ‘unprofessional’???)

I haven’t met a single person who wasn’t nervous before or during interviews. I had a friend tell me that he had an interviewer who was more nervous than he was!! That interviewer said it was his “first time doing an interview, so please be gentle with me.” (it sounds weird in English but that’s the best translation I can do lol)

If you can’t stop shaking but you want to control it, I would suggest finding another way of releasing that pent up energy. For me, I used to go to the bathroom or a private area and just start jumping and shaking out my hands or punch the air. It was funny as fuck, but it worked. You might find that helpful? Or maybe you can calm yourself down by running your hands under cold water (not hot, hot is painful, cold is more soothing in a way).

I'm pathetic.

Nah. I’ll say this right now. You’re not pathetic. Don’t call yourself pathetic either, cuz you’re not, and you shouldn’t lie to yourself. If you can’t stop calling yourself pathetic/degrading or undermining your value, then come to me and I’ll be the one to tell you you are not pathetic. HMU whenever you’d like, my friend.

I hate fearing everything and wish I was someone else.

I feel you on this. Or, I should say, I felt you on this. For me, I stopped fearing everything when I realized I straight up don’t give a fuck. I can’t give a fuck. What’s the worst thing that’s gonna happen to me? Will they judge me in a negative light? Who cares, who the fuck do they think they are judging me? Are they any better? Can they do the shit I do? Nah. Do they know me? Nah!! So what I accidentally knocked over your fake plant, I put it back together with my bare hands and I presented my fire ass resume/cover letter. What’s more important?

Interviews, generally, are 30min-1hour. One hour before my interview, I get ready. If I’m feeling really nervous, I put up my “front” of someone well put together, who knows how to dress (thanks youtube fashion bloggers, specifically bestdressed), who has the confidence and friendliness of a golden retriever, and I keep that shit up for the entire interview. It’s 30min-1hour. I can do it. I become a whole different person who doesn’t fear shit and take no shit, either. Afterwards, the moment I’m out of the building or in the train station, I’ll drop the front and shake and wipe my sweaty clammy hands on my pants and call it a day.

You wish to become someone else? Why don’t you? What’s stopping you, in the end? You wanna dye your hair but you’re scared of what people will say? When I was minding my own business with my dog in the park, my scarf over my nose, a random woman came up to me just to say it wasn’t that cold out and I should take down my scarf. I said, “what, did you want to see my pretty face that badly?” She got tight and left. That’s her own fucking problem.

People, in the end, will probably judge no matter what you do. Why don’t you become the person you want to be? Like I said before, my biggest fear at the age of 15 was people judging and looking at me. Now I’m 20 and that’s like. My least concern lol. Granted, it took 5 years of me building up my confidence and shit, but now I’m here.

I will also say that I have a sister 11 years older than me, so she encouraged me to be the more chill, confident, independent, badass nonbinary gal I can be. And she always says: At an interview, the worst that can happen is that they say no. And if they do, then they don’t deserve me/you anyways!!

SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA SAY FUCK IT!!!!

Anyways this is my advice, from one previously nervous wreck to another. Hope this helps. Like I said, come to my inbox whenever you want. I may be 20 years old but I got the advice of an 80 year old. love u friend.

[jenojaemssss]

nct dream as your boyfriend

nct dream x gn!reader

fluffy boyfriend!nct dream headcanons because it's 2 am and i'm all up in my head <3 also because i have no motivation to work on dont need it and am holding it off as much as i possibly can before finalizing it <3

lee mark

just the softest boy

we already know he really enjoys playing the guitar

so i feel like he’s the type to wake up at like 3 in the morning with a melody in mind

like he wakes up in cold sweat because he has such a good idea and he CANNOT forget it

he’d record a snippet of it and send it to you after he perfects it

but this is rare because he’d rather hear your reaction

mark isn’t the type to facetime; he’d rather just call you or just come over to see you in person

so a lot of the time you’d get an incoming phone call

at 3 in the morning

because he forgets the time when he’s immersed in his craft

and because it’s a phone call, he can’t see you squinting at your phone

but you’d try your best to not make it obvious that you were already asleep

and then he’d go on and on about how he was in the middle of writing something and thought about you

his voice literally just wakes you up because he’s so excited over his creation

“ready to hear it?”

and after playing it for you he’d have the widest, goofiest smile on his face

he’d be so proud of yourself after you give him a personal round of applause

but his grin doesn’t stay on for long because there’d be banging on his wall from his housemates telling him to shut up

this happened so often that they don’t even have to say anything, just forcefully tap their wall and he’d get the hint

usually then, he’d finally realize how late-or technically, early- it was getting

“ah shit, fuck were you sleeping when i called?”

and you’d just chuckle because he’s so damn cute

and then you’d remind him how much you love and enjoy his hobby

and how it makes you happy getting to listen to him play his guitar

“you do know you don’t have to pick up, right?”

but you’d just smile even wider and he could hear it over the phone and he’d smile too

your smile is so endearing to him

and when he was the reason you’re smiling, it sends him through the clouds

because how could HE be the cause of such a beautiful smile

“hey, baby?”

“yeah, mark?”

“i love you.”

and you’d giggle so hard because he still gives you butterflies

“i love you, too, mageolli.”

“bro, did hyuck teach you that?” he squeaks

another bang on his wall makes him jump and he ends up whispering to you for about another hour

huang renjun

this man loves to read, so whenever he’s reading a book he really likes, he’d annotate it with the intentions of giving it to you

sometimes he’d highlight funny things and write little notes like “this made me laugh and i thought you’d like it too”

so fucking endearing let me tell you

and when he comes across romantic lines, he’d highlight them in pink and write little notes on how it reminded him of you

when he’s done with the book and gives it to you, you’d find cute little highlighted portions with notes and messages directed for you

sometimes, he’d write you cute little messages on the inside cover, kind of like an introduction to his annotations

he’d also write a mini introduction to the content of the book, but in his own cute way

“i found this book really funny (those funny scenes are highlighted in yellow) and there were a lot of scenes where the interactions between the two main characters reminded me of you and i, so those are highlighted in purple”

and a bunch of other notes related to his annotations

the back cover has a mini summary and all his personal thoughts after finishing the book

“could they BE anymore stupid? he should have confessed to her when…” and many more angry-renjun reactions

there was one time he was reading pride and prejudice and came across this line

“in vain i have struggled. it will not do. my feelings will not be repressed. you must allow me to tell you how ardently i admire and love you.”

he was about to pull out his highlighter and smear the bright pink across it but pauses

and then he just slams the book closed because he remembers how much of an asshole mr. darcy was in this book

and how much he hated pride and prejudice

he was only reading it again because you asked him to read it with you

the two of you often picked out your favorite books and had the other one read it and discuss it with each other after you both finished

kind of like a personal book club

this time around you picked this wretched book and he was not having it

but then you pulled out the puppy eyes

he gagged in front of you and asked that if he’d read it with you, you wouldn’t pull that shit again

internally he loved it, he just doesn’t like showing it physically

anyways, after slamming the book shut he stood up from the couch but was so pissed off with the fucking book that he called you

“babe, why is lizzy so fucking idiotic?”

you’re just as confused as he is, but for a totally different reason

“i know we’re supposed to discuss when we’re finished but i just cannot read this book anymore.”

lee jeno

the type of boyfriend that has a really hard time expressing his feelings in words

so he’d show it in his actions instead

his love language is most likely physical touch

but at the same time he seems like the type to not enjoy too much physical affection in public

yet he still needs to be touching you: always

just small gestures to keep in physical contact with you

it reassures him that you’re still there

in public, he’d make an effort to hold pinkies

like he’d interlock them when you’re walking around the grocery store or just when you go on walks together

oh yeah, jeno really likes walks

like when the two of you are having a really rough day or when you’re both just not in the best mood, he’d ask to go on walks to clear your minds

it’s his way of telling you that he’s there for you

on the rough days, instead of holding your pinky, he’d intertwine your hands instead

and when you guys argue over things and he doesn’t know what to say, he’d leave the room for a bit so that you don’t say things you don’t really mean to each other

jeno is a good man, he was raised right

so he KNOWS when he’s at fault

and when he realizes what he’s done and takes all the things you say into consideration, you’d hear the sink running or the vacuum turn on

he’d clean your apartment for you as an apology

back to the physical touch aspect of him

rare *public* back hugs here and there but only around people he’s comfortable with

but when you’re alone??

he would literally CLING onto you, personal bubble does not exist to this man

wraps his arms around your waist when you cook or do the dishes, playing footsies when you eat, all of that

sometimes when you’re both on the couch doing work on separate laptops he’d make it a literal mission to be in physical contact with you

like even if it interferes with his work, he’s gotta be touching you

he’d have one leg thrown over your torso if your hands are too busy with something

it’s really endearing because if you moved at all, like even just a little and he wasn’t able to have a part of his body on yours, he’d start pouting

he’d reach his arms or legs out in a grabbing motion and not say anything

and then you’d have to reposition yourself so that the two of you would be able to work and he still be able to touch you

and his smiles, the fucking smiles when he gets to hold your hand after you guys finish working on whatever you needed to work on

his cuddles are top tier too, and he’d make sure you guys get at least 30 minutes of cuddles a day

lee donghyuck

the whiniest, most annoying (but adorable) boyfriend ever

like jeno, he needs to be in physical contact with you, but instead of quietly pouting or reaching for you, he’d YELL

“y/n! hold my hand!”

“but i’m typing-”

“babe, hold my hand!!!!” *intense pouting*

he normally drops it when he knows you’re actually busy, but when he knows you’re just watching a movie or something, he keeps pestering you until you hold his hand

and when you do, he takes the opportunity to POUNCE on you like he just deadass lays on top of you

and you let him because it’s actually really comforting having his weight on top of you

NOSE KISSES!!!!!! lots of those

and forehead pecks

it goes both ways, though, because he likes receiving those too!!!!! fairness!!!!!

he’s the type to play tricks on you, but never takes it too far because he doesn’t want to hurt you in any way

and he spoils you a lot

like not with materialistic things (though sometimes he does) but more with arguments and when it comes to picking what to do/eat for the day

he’s the type to always think before his actions, yet when he’s around you, all logic is thrown to the side

“you wanna go bungee jumping? bet!” (even though he’s afraid of heights)

he gets two of everything when he goes to the store; one for him and one for you

and when you first started dating, you got a bit shy because of this due to the fact that he’s spending extra on you

you felt bad he was spending extra money so whenever you were buying things, you followed his habit and do the same thing

and for the first couple months he’d say that it’s fine and everything but when you both got really comfortable around each other, he’d be really witty with his comebacks

“no, i don’t wanna share with you” or “pay me back then”

sometimes the casual, “no, you’re gonna eat all of it and leave me nothing”

soon enough, the two of you fell into the habit of buying two of everything wherever you went (besides the things that you both know the other person hates)

also, when you first started dating, a lot of it was just casually hanging out at a park or walking around a random neighborhood and getting food nearby

street food you can take on the go >>>> food from fancy restaurants

and also, when you first started getting snacks for each other and he didn’t know what you liked, he got one of everything

like for example, the first time you guys had a movie night at your place, he went to the store but didn’t know what brand of chips you preferred so he bought both kinds

(he learned that day what your favorite snacks and brands were and he remembered it forever)

na jaemin

HUGS!

jaemin is the king of hugs, like no one, absolutely NO ONE can beat him when it comes to hugs

they’re always so warm and he always knows whenever you need one

he’s kind of like a battery pack, so whenever you hug him, you feel recharged and energized

because all his hugs are full of love and you can literally feel it radiating off of him

“jaems, i need-”

you can’t even finish your sentence because he’s already engulfing you

“i know, baby”

sometimes you’d tease him and say things like, “i was gonna ask for some water” or some shit like that and he’d get all pouty

and when he’s about to let go, you just pull him into you more

so obviously, he’s another fan of physical affection

but unlike jeno and hyuck, he’s not quite the clingy type

he will give you your space and will not invade your personal bubble, but instead just show that he’s there by doing other things

whenever he sees that your water glass is half empty, he’d go refill it

would always ask if you wanted a snack

would feed you his food when you were busy working on your laptop

just little actions to show that he’s paying attention to you

you pick up on his habit and slowly become more tentative too

he’s also the type that shows the overprotective type of affection too

like, when it gets cold and he notices you shiver a little, he’d immediately take off his sweater/hoodie/jacket, whatever, and give it to you

or whenever your clothes seem to be bothering you, he’d offer you his shirt or pants or anything for you to feel more comfortable

he really enjoys cooking for you, so you’d have little cooking dates every once in a while where he teaches you a recipe or you teach him something

and it always either ends up in a disaster or a really appetizing success, no mediocre food in this household

the disasters are normally when you’re in charge of the cooking because you get distracted by jaemin’s crackheadery

he talks to the fucking vegetables and asks them how their day was before chopping them up, like what the fuck?

the normally tentative jaemin gets distracted because he’s making you laugh

he loves hearing you laugh, so he keeps doing what he’s doing to get to hear it more

so sometimes you forget you’re boiling something, you forget there’s something on the stove and shit starts spilling out

you’re both panicking and looking for the fire extinguisher

jaemin just ends up smacking it with whatever he’s holding and the flames go out and you both end up laughing and rolling around on the floor for the next 10 minutes

zhong chenle

can be the most evil or the most adoring boyfriend, there is no inbetween

like some days, he’d tease you to the point you ignore him while other days he’s all cuddly, snuggled up against you while hyping you up like you’re some sort of insta baddie

but a constant is that he will ALWAYS call you cute

you say something stupid? “cute.”

you CALL him stupid? “how cute!”

you drop your phone in the toilet? “cute.”

he has an obsession with that word, but it doesn’t really bother or annoy you because you really like hearing him say it

even when you guys play video games

you’re both beast at battle royale games, so you’re both constantly playing with one another

you guys normally don’t play when you see each other/ meet up because you spend that time doing other quality couple things

like bicker over what to order or where to get boba from for the day

so instead you guys normally play video games together at 3 in the morning after finishing up all your work for the day

whenever you’d knock down an enemy, you’d hear him from the other end of the phone shouting things like, “y/n that kill was so sexy!” (he picked that up from jaemin)

when you make noises after either missing or hitting your target, he’d chuckle to himself and mumble a little, “cute.”

soon enough you’re also picking up the habit and calling him cute all the damn time too

at first, he insisted that you stopped calling him cute because it was HIS line

“babe, i know i’m adorable, but stop calling me cute.”

“no.”

more bickering because he is so persistent

eventually got used to it and you two would have little squabbles over how the other is overusing it when you're BOTH doing it

not normally the type to be showing physical affection, but will cuddle when he’s sleepy

he feels safe when he’s holding you so he’s at peace and can fall asleep easily

he probably likes petting your hair when he’s the big spoon, and likes it when you pet his hair when he’s the little spoon

OMG WAIT he’s probably the type to have you lay on his lap (or vice versa) and just play with your hair (or have you play with his hair)!!!!!!!

like y’all are just chilling on the couch watching some basketball game and he just lays on your lap out of nowhere

“time for human contact!”

you’d just laugh and start combing your hand through his hair and he closes his eyes and ends up falling asleep

park jisung

the best friend type of boyfriend where the most couply thing you end up doing is going yo the zoo and feeding animals

he really likes when you guys go to the gift shop and play with the little toys they have

he’s super interested in the little things and is fascinated by everything big and small

you find that shit so cute and secretly take pictures of him staring at the miniature figures of lions

he catches on after seeing you changed your wallpaper to a picture of him holding a giraffe puppet and having it look at him

he holds your finger when you walk around so that you both don’t get lost

but his hands are really big compared to yours, so you switch to holding his finger instead and he physically melts because he thinks it looks so cute

i think your typical dates are the ones that involve a lot of walking around BECAUSE of the fact that you hold onto his finger

(jk, but like...he just thinks it’s really cute)

(so much so that it becomes a habit when you’re just hanging out)

(watching a movie? here, hold my finger. grocery shopping? here, hold it.)

you guys go to the amusement park often too

you hold onto each other’s fingers and wander around the park looking for rides that jisung can ride because he's scared of action

but you like roller coasters, and jisung always feels bad because you never ride them when you two go together

so one time, when there was one you really wanted to go on but you knew it would have scared jisung

so you decided to pass up on it because you didn’t want to leave him alone

but he was noticing how your eyes kept lingering on the coaster and he broke

“y/n, i’ll go on it with you”

and you’re shocked because you didn’t even say you wanted to go on it, like you just looked at it but he caught on

and you tried to brush it off and insisting that you could go on a ride you both liked

but he was so stern about it because he knew how much you wanted to go on it

i think he’s the type of boyfriend that normally gets over his fears when he is encouraged by his partner, and in this case, his form of encouragement was making you happy

he just likes seeing you happy in general

so internally, he’s hyping himself up while you’re cheering for him

and although he’s scared shitless, he goes through with it because he knows that this is a fear he needs to get over, so might as well get it over with while making you smile!

and so when it’s your turn to get on the ride, he gets cold feet, kinda, but you grab onto his hand, not his finger, and rub your thumb over it to reassure him that it’ll be fine

and it was honestly not that bad because he felt safe with you holding his hand the entire time

and when the ride finishes and he sees how happy you are, he thinks to himself that it was so worth it because you’re beaming

he makes a note

holding your hand > holding fingers

[naughtynoodle056]

Sorry this isn't SUPER kink related but i gotta rant about it: the people behind The Biggest Loser will not be seeing heaven bro, deadass. I can't even fathom the number of people that were negatively impacted by this nightmare of a reality series even if they were never a contestant,,, like I was 4-16 during it's OG run and my mom would watch it all the time and even as young as an elementary schooler I felt really uncomfortable with what I was seeing and how like... mean it all felt to the contestants that were clearly struggling with intense emotional baggage and straight up EDs.

Anyways I guess this is a long winded way of saying that no matter what shitty fatphobic media tries to feed you, (because I imagine that if I, a mere feeder, felt guilty about my sexual preferences and kinks I couldn't help because of this show I can only imagine the sort of damage this toxic rhetoric could do to our beloved feedees and gainers) you're not a bad person or morally corrupt or a failure if you're chubby/fat, whether it's because you're actively or passively gaining or because it just fuckin be like that sometimes!! You are loved, you have value that's far beyond that number on the scale, and FUCK the Biggest Loser (and fatphobia in general to be quite honest)

[felswritingfire]

Your know zebra like the big titty mad man but like low-key himbo and could suffocate me in his tiddys yes that one thanks

I KNOW WHO THIS IS AND THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME MY LIFE-

since you didn’t specify, I just went with some general stuff uwu

General Zebra 

Idk if they ever state this in the manga/anime but he’s a big fan of grilled stuff, especially BBQ??? WHOOOOOOO- His favorite condamate hands down

He’s very into fashion and I like to imagine that he influenced Sunny and his interest in it as well

His favorite item of clothing is his leather jacket

Once in a while he’ll stitch up his mouth, and he’ll just say it’s for the hell of it but he actually hopes that it chills people out when they’re around him because…. He gets insecure too

That’s not to say that he’s a really insecure dude, he’s actually quite comfortable with himself and actively does not give a shit about what other people think 

He’s also a chill when he’s with people that he really like, like, people who aren’t his brothers, but people who are similar to Komatsu in that they don’t have Gourmet Cells

Contrary to popular believe, he can be gentle when he wants be 

He can also be a chatter bug when he’s into the conversations, not in the sense that he talks a lot, he’s just an active participant in the conversation and is animated in his movements when he is talking

Boy talks with his hands when he’s a place that he can relax; otherwise he’s all puffed and stiff if he’s in a place where he doesn't know anyone

When he’s home alone, he usually wears a pair of name brand sweats and nothing else since he’s like a big ol’ lion and he’ll lounge around on his fucking ✨LEATHER COUCH✨

Though he loves to lounge, he’s also really into trying new food and will actively try new recipes- he actually knows how to make some good ass dishes- he just likes someone else cooking more

He’s really knowledgeable about animals- like, super knowledgeable; if he wanted and if he was determined enough, he could be a whole ass Zoologist, but naw, he’s just here for the food and adventure and honestly?? What a mood

But he had to know a lot since he landed in jail because he took out a whole bunch of invasive species that were fucking up the ecosystem- like, he isn’t stupid, and I will die on this hill

When he was a little baby man, he was really protective of his little brothers- what happened? They grew up and became a pain in his ass (he still watches out for them in his rough ways)

Starting friendship with Zebra is honestly the most rewarding yet nerve wracking thing because it’s like trying to befriend a giant ass beast that you can’t read at all- which you really can’t, because the man can be a stone wall when he wants

You have to be an honest person to even be considered his friend- he doesn’t put up with any lying or two faced bullshit, that’s just how Zebra is 

If you are his friend tho, he’ll always be willing to lend an ear to you if you need someone who’s willing to listen 

He might throw in some advice here and there too

He’ll also be there to comfort you if you need it; he’ll even pick you up and cradle you, placing your head in the crook of his neck as he leans back and pats your back while you cry into him 

He’s really soft on his friends and family

That doesn’t mean that he won’t tease the shit out of you

Truly, the truest form of lovingly bullying your friends

He’ll gruffly apologize if he goes too far BUT he very rarely does that because he’s got those magic ears of his so he can tell when you’re getting angry/sad, then he’ll start to steer the teasing somewhere else

Relationship with Zebra

Zebra is a gruff lover through and through, it’s just in his personality, but he’s a little sweeter to you than he is to anyone else

He’ll make sure that your taken care of and protected, especially if you’re his combo and he’s taking you with him on his adventures 

He’s very observant of your moods; he’s actually ridiculously in tune with you???? It’s kinda freaky how he can read you like an open book

He’s the literal definition of “Babe is on her period, so am I. UterUS!” Even if you don’t identify as a lady or have the ability to have a menstrual cycle- it’s still uterUS-

What I’m trying to get at is that he’s a mega Ride-or-die bitch 

Like, you have to do some atrocious shit to get him to fucking do a 180 on your ass- or just cheat on him, or lie to him (please don’t do either of those things, it takes so much for him to become attached to people, please, cherish him-)

He’ll be MEGA ANGY THEN

But not like his usual angry, like, where he gets pissed and goes on a rampage; this angry isn’t loud- his anger is full of sadness and betrayal and he wouldn’t say anything to you, he’d simply look at you with these eyes full of emotion and then turn and leave

But get fucked because the other three aren’t that chill and Komatsu may not punch the fuck out of you, but you really will wish he would because he’d talk to you like a disappointed mother and it is the worst feeling in the world- (also I will come for your kneecaps, bro, DON’T TEST ME)

ANYWAY, OFF OF THAT TOPIC-

You know how I mentioned that Zebra likes to cook? Fucking consider it a date, because he’ll actively add you into the kitchen with him, even if it’s just him cooking and you sitting there being cute while you chatter away 

His love language is sharing his food, so, if he offers you food- you take it and you cling to that knowledge that you’re really one of the most important people to him 

UM, HE WILL SIT YOU ON HIS LAP, DEADASS

You will never sit in a chair again if he’s there; it’s an easy way to say you’re taken and to keep you close, so he kinda lives for it 

He’ll flaunt you to his brothers with zero hesitation- he adores you and they have to put up with his roundabout way of showing it 

Toriko and Coco don’t really care- They’re all actually really happy for him in general- but, that doesn’t mean Toriko won’t still tease him about it (but he only does that once in a while because Toriko has to be in the mood to throw down because, of course, this is Zebra we’re talking about). Sunny on the other hand complains about it because, “oh MY GOD, THIS IS THE SIXTH TIME YOU’VE BROUGHT THEM UP- SHUT THE FUCK UP-”

Which usually instigates petty sibling arguments between them, which are actually really entertaining??? You gotta intervene at some point because Zebra will whole ass chuck Sunny into the sun if he doesn’t watch it

Very soft with cuddles???? He’s like a giant (deadly) cat who likes to bask in your presence

His favorite position to cuddle you is with his head on your chest so he can listen to your heart. There’s just something about knowing that your a tangible person who genuinely loves him and wants to actively be in his presence that gets him all types of mushy 

Can you say a protective boi??? Because he is very much a protective baby

If anyone tries to hurt you for any reason, they’re dead. In very gruesome way too- I wouldn’t put it past him to grab someone and tear them limb from limb if he really wanted to 

He’s also has a bit of a jealous streak, but he’s pretty quiet about it

BUT, that doesn’t mean that he’ll be opposed to looming behind you and glowering at the person (they have to have pretty big balls in the first place to even try and approach you tbh)- which usually does the trick pretty quick

Please smooch him on the forehead and tell him that you love him- it’s a genuine anxiety of his that you’re going to leave him one day for someone who isn’t, you know, seen as a real ass walking disaster on the news cast so you can pursue an actual normal life.

Sometimes he just need to hear you say you love him to put him at ease, and that’s the tea, sis

To make a long story fucking short, I love him and he’s a whole sweet tart- he’s just a little burnt around the edges- please, I love him, please-

[angelisverba]

no need to be sorry

in which y/n realizes she loves Jason, and he can’t touch himself to the thought of her because it makes him feel guilty

word count: 12.8k

pairing: y/n and her brother’s best friend, jason

warning: strong mentions of sexual trauma and abuse. please read at your own caution if you are not comfortable with that .

author’s note: originally this was supposed to be a super long piece (and the last one) but i wanted to put something else to make the last part even longer :) THIS IS NOT EDITED, sorry not sorry hehe

March is a very confusing month. 

For y/n, it meant SAT cramming and intensive camps for the retake in may. A maxed out speed on her brain as to keep up her grades (and even improve them because God knows her math grade needs urgent care) and constantly keep her nose in her books because finals were approaching soon. 

For Jason, and the entire senior class for that matter, it meant renting out tuxedos and making appointments at the beauty salon in preparation for prom, buying tickets for prom, finding a prom date, asking out said date in a cutesy way that was memorable for both parties.

It meant asking y/n to be his prom date, but not drag her away from her studies because that just wouldn’t be fair.

Hell, Jason still hadn’t taken his girl out on a second date because she was such a busy bee, and had to settle for ‘study dates’. Really it was just him watching her chew on her bottom lip as she transferred notes from her chemistry textbook to her notebook, his own work splayed out in front of him, meaning to be completed but his attention diverted elsewhere. She’d glance up with burning cheeks to tell him that his glasses were sliding down his nose, and Jason— quite nearly in a hypnotic daze— would smile dopily at her and say ‘you’re so pretty’. She would shush him and tell him to get to work, or sometime ask for his help, and Jason would use that as an excuse to wrap his arm around her waist telling her ‘gotta whisper love, come close’ and proceed to explain how the law of gas, ideal gas, and Dalton’s Law of partial pressure differentiated from each other. 

He didn’t mind this. Any time he got with her he treasured, but god did he want to keep her tucked at his side at all times to show him off. It was selfish of him to be jealous that she wasn’t spending time with him when all she wanted to do was study for her future; for college. Selfish because Jason already had everything worked out. He’d gotten a scholarship to his dream school via football and his good-ish grades. Dorming and transportation was all set-up; he was 100% ready to go. 

But y/n? She’d confessed to Jason that she had no idea what she was doing with her life. That she was studying and doing all these things to look good for her college application, but her biggest fear was that they still wouldn’t accept her and she’d wind up going to community college. There were times where her bouncing leg would violently shake their table in the library so much, Jason would drag her out of the chair and take her on a short walk around the library (if her eyes were teary he’d sneak her into a corner and peck at her eyelids softly until she giggled). An effective strategy that resulted in a noticeable tent at his crotch, and a dreamy-eyed y/n that peeked up at him through her lashes with heated cheeks. 

He’d say, “Are you relaxed now? Or should we go home?” 

Home was his house. Y/n had her home, and Jason had his- respectively- but he referred to his place as ‘home’ and she never bothered to correct him.  More often than not (once it got to this point) y/n would nod and they’d head over to his place. 

And, well, who was she to pass up that opportunity? 

Y/n enjoyed reading her dog-eared SAT book on Jason’s bed and falling asleep on her crossed arms. Only because she would wake up an hour or so later, glued next to his side, with him also napping, lips puffy and hair extra fluffy. His hair, how a complete chocolate brown color, closely cropped since he’d cut off all the blond, fanned on the pillow and curled around the frames of his tortoise-shell glasses that he never remembered to take off. 

She’d always take them off for him, and the movement would startle him awake, his green eyes fluttering awake, eyebrows furrowed in a confusion that disappeared when he realized that it was just her. His sweet y/n with sleepy eyes who took his glasses off ever so gently, and reached over him to place them on his bedside.

They were wrapped up in their own little personal heaven when they were together, alone, and it was only disrupted when it was time for Jason to take y/n home. Grabby hands and kissy faces consumed them when she received a questioning text from her parents or brother, and the whole ‘do you really have to go’ ordeal took its course. And maybe- just maybe- Jason enjoyed the goodbyes because y/n always put extra effort into her goodbye kiss, leaning and pressing up against his mouth so their noses were squished against each other, her hand at the collar of his shirt to pull him even closer, communicating to him how much… how much she would miss him. 

She knew that Jason understood, and when they broke apart with a wet suction noise, and her eyes fluttered open to meet his, Jason knew that she knew that he knew what she was trying to say. It was a slight moment of vulnerability on her part, because it was the closest they’d get to admitting/discussing the sexual parts of their relationship. Or rather, the lack of.

But never mind that, it didn’t matter to any of them. They could be intimate without having sex. 

Right?

*                                                      *                                  *

Jason was confused. 

As silly as it was, prom was a big deal. It signified the closing of an era in a teenager’s life; the end of high school. A party to honor their struggles and begin a transition to a period of more struggles. 

Traditionally, you attend a dance with a date. A girlfriend, a crush, a last resort. One could go with friends but, Jason has a girlfriend now and he’d be damned if he didn’t take his pretty girl and show off that he was the one that got her in the end.  

The only issue was: the prom-posal.

He knew that y/n and him didn’t hang in the same crowd, and while they were both mellow, y/n held a little more reserve to public announcements.

She was shy. 

Needless to say, Jason had a very big quest on his shoulders; to find a way to ask y/n out to prom in a way that was memorable and attune to her likings. He thinks he doesn’t think he'd be able to get over it if he messed this up. 

“Jason? Bro are you even listening?” Andrew asked from across the lunch table. Kent stuffed french fries into his mouth, and glanced from both his friends. 

“Sorry, man. What was that?” Jason presses the lock button on his phone, and places it down on the table. 

“I was talking about the rager at Greg’s, is everything alright? You’ve been distant for a few days now, not having issues with y/n are you?” Andrew’s facial features darkened slightly, the deep concerns for his sister shining through his demeanor. Kent picked on the change of atmosphere, and his chewing stops. 

Jason sighed, his shoulders slanting downwards and the fabric of his letter-man jacket coming to a close at his chest. His heart-shaped lips come to a pensive pucker, debating if he should tell his best friend what was on his mind. 

At the troubled look on his face, Kent smiles encouragingly, and says, “You know you can tell us anything, J.” Andrew turns to look at his Kent while he’s speaking, and when he turns back to Jason, he nods, a knowing glimmer in his eyes. 

“What’s up?” His girlfriend’s brother leans forward, prepared to listen.

“I don’t know how to ask y/n to go to prom with me.” 

Andrew and Kent’s facial expression drop to a deadpan, and Jason’s eyebrows furrow in response, confused at their reaction. 

“What?” He looked back and forth between his two unimpressed friends, who suddenly burst into laughter; snickering and pointing fingers at him through wheezed words. 

“You’re fucking whipped,” Kent said, slapping a hand on Andrew’s shoulder and doubling forward.

“My sister,” their laughter calms down momentarily, “has you this upset?” And at his comment, the boys start laughing again, loud enough that it drags the attention of nearby tables. 

“Guys,” the corner of Jason’s lips struggle to stay down. “It’s not funny.” 

“Yeah, it is. Your panties are in a twist because of y/n,” Kent said, “Where is she?” He stands up from the bench and glances around the cafeteria, looking for her. 

Jason’s eyes widen, and his jaw drops, amazed at his friend’s response. “Dicks,” he mutters. “She’s with her English teacher, preparing for an exam.” 

Andrew’s chuckles die down again, and he shakes his head while rubbing his fingers on his forehead, grinning. “Deadass?”

“Yes!” Jason juts his head forward, nodding wildly. “Help me!”

Kent sits again, and places his chin on his palm. “Just go with what she likes, man.”

“Gee, thanks so much.” The stressed boy looks away, defeated.

Perhaps, it was a mistake bringing it up. Instead of receiving help, they were taking the piss out of him. He thought that maybe, because Andrew was related to the girl he was dating, he’d be a bit of hel-

“She keeps bugging me to take her to the aquarium.” 

Jason whips his head around to look at his friend, crossing his arms on the table and leaning with interest. 

“The aquarium?” He asks, eyebrows raising.

“Yeah, they remodeled a few exhibits and she’s been wanting to see them. Sent me a text about it a few days ago,” Andrew reached back to pull out his phone from his back pocket, unlocking it and pulling up a thread of texts from his sister. “Look.” 

The boy takes the phone from his friend’s hand. Y/n had sent her brother a link to the aquarium’s announcement of a reopening that occurred a few weeks before, along with ‘pleeease can we go? pleeease?’ and a puppy-eyed emoji. Andrew had only sent a curt ‘we’ll see’ to which the girl responded with screenshots of seals and penguins. 

A pang hit him straight in the heart, and he was saddened that she hadn’t asked him, given that he had refrained from taking her out in fear of distracting her from her studies. Yet, here she was asking to be taken to the aquarium, and Andrew showed no interest.  

“Take her. Ask her there. The only reason why I haven’t taken her is because she’ll ask for something from the gift shop and they’re expensive as fuck.” Andrew shrugged.

Bingo. 

With a composed look, he clicked off the phone and slid it back. On the inside, he was hopping up and down, pumping his arms with joy because everything had clicked, and he knew exactly what to do.

*                                                      *                                  *

Y/n still felt butterflies every time Jason looked at her.

Every girl wanted to be looked at by someone the way he looked at her.

A soft, dreamy daze that took over his face, eyes shining with an enamored gleam. Lashes fluttering adoringly, and lips coming together in a smirk, like he held all kinds of secrets and wanted to share them with her. His look alone said it all. I want you and only you.

It was overwhelmingly passionate. So intimate; an open admission with no shame. 

“You’re not even paying attention to me,” she whined, flopping over onto her back and throwing an arm over her head. 

They were- as usual- laying on Jason’s bed, with one of y/n’s textbooks spread open in front of them. 

“Can’t help myself,” he pushed up his glasses and raked his hair back. “You’re so pretty it’s distracting.” 

At that, y/n turned herself over so she laid next to Jason again, but her face was still nestled in the crook of her arm where her cheeks flamed. “Stop it,” she said, words muffled. 

“I’m serious.” She felt his weight dip on the bed, his hand coming to brush away hair that blocked the side of her face, and then puffs of air on her arm. Tilting her head so her eye peeked out, she saw that Jason’s mouth was hovering millimeters away from her skin, and when her eyes glanced up, an intense emerald gaze fixed on hers. “Like an angel, you are.”

Fire, heat, tingles littered the areas where his lips pressed against a trail into his skin. A blossoming feeling of affection imprinted onto her arm, and up to her cheek, where his lips lingered right underneath her lashes.

It became too much for her to handle, her heart and mind becoming muddled and confused through the overwhelming sensations that traveled throughout her nerves. Her cognitive senses seemed to refuse to acknowledge the difference between welcomed attention and… unwanted but forced attention. And, in efforts to prevent a hysteric scene or breakdown, she sprung up from her position, pressing a quick kiss into Jason’s cheek so he wouldn’t suspect anything, and sitting so she was almost completely off the bed. 

Jason watched her with… rejection. But, she wouldn’t know that because she refused to meet his eyes. Instead she said, “Have you got marshmallows in the cupboard?” 

“Uhh,” Jason cleared his throat, standing up and heading out of his room. “Yeah, I think so.”

She followed after him, shoulders hunched; ashamed. Mentally, she was pushing away repressed trauma from what seemed like yesterday. A haunting memory that refused to leave like paranoia. 

“Tiny ones or…?” He heads straight for the silver door knob next to the fridge, stepping in to squat at the lower shelves. Y/n stands in the doorway, hands awkwardly at her sides. 

“The big ones, please.” She doesn’t look up when he extends his hand to give her the fluffy white bag, and he doesn’t ask what's wrong.

Silently, y/n walks over to the kitchen island to pluck a skewer out of the drawer, and pops her hip to shut it. Jason lifts himself to sit on the countertop, his white shirt lifting to expose the pale sliver of skin that escaped from his grey sweatpants. Out the corner of her eye, she could see the enticing movement, and it caused her hands to shake, but she hid it in the twisting wrist movement of turning on the stove. 

A tearing noise comes from behind her, blending in with the clicking noises of the stove turning on. Jumping at the startling disruption, she turns to see Jason with an Oreo midway to his mouth. He gives her an open lipped smile, eyes wide as if shocked, and it makes her burst into a chuckle. 

“Can I get one?” She asked.

Wordlessly, he passed her a cookie. She took it, and it seemed that he purposely grazed his fingers over her palm. 

Y/n yanked her hand away like he’d burned her. 

Alarmed, Jason hops off the counter and moves to stand next to her.

“Y/n, is everything al-”

“Do you want a marshmallow?” She interrupted him, her breaths tense. 

“Uh, no.” He said, his head slightly shaking in disbelief at her actions. Had he done something wrong?

The girl stabbed the skewer through the white candy, and twirled it over the flames, the edges quickly turning a golden color. 

“Baby, what’s wr-” 

It catches fire, and her lips blow them off before it turns completely black, the fuh noise that escapes overpowering Jason’s gentle words. She was scared of breaking in front of him. She was scared to show him how much she was holding in.

“Can you hold this?” Voice small and squeaky.

He took the skewer out of her hands, holding it while she opened the oreo cookie. Knowing what she was gonna do, he gingerly placed the melted marshmallow on top of the frosting covered cookie, and pulled away when she sandwiched the top cookie on top.

Y/n takes a bite out of the treat, and relishes in the slightly burnt, woodsy taste of the white taffy and how it melts on her tongue and slides with ease down her throat. So much so, that a small noise of appreciation comes from the depths of her chest.

“S’good?” Jason asked, a breathy-uneasy- laugh whooshing through his nose.

She’s nodding before she looks up at him, and her head stills when she locks eyes with him. 

It’s the same, intense, focused look from before.

The one that promised so much. And it just- god she was so confused. 

So confused that she leaned forward to kiss him, disregarding the fact that- in that moment- she didn’t want affection. She needed a bit of distance and time to process her emotions.

 And instead of doing so, she lunged and connected herself to him in a smoldering embrace of their mouths. A sudden flood of inexplicable physical impressions, claiming, pleading.

Jason didn’t hesitate to respond, his hands appearing to cup at her cheeks, thumbs gingerly rubbing on the apples of her cheeks. He breathes deeply; a sharp inhale into her mouth that pulled his frame taught against hers. The forgotten treat pressed up against the divot of his pectoral muscles. 

The instant his tongue snaked into her mouth, he was bombarded with the warm and sweet taste of her mouth. Marshmallows and just her essence crowding over his taste buds; his nose also breathing in the fruity scent of her hair and woodsy burnt candy. Urgently, his lips suckled on her lower lip, y/n gasping at the sudden, ardent actions. 

Had she been any other girl, that would have been the night she finally let herself have sex with Jason. 

The mood was right; they were both bleeding mad for each other. 

But, y/n was y/n and that’s not how she was wired to go. Her mind began again with the confusion, her heart rate picking up double the rates from both the proximity of the boy and what was going to happen if the kiss continued. Did she want this? Fuck, of course she wanted this! Why was she…

“She’s not gonna do it because she’s a prude!” said one of the girls in the room. 

“No, I’m n-”

“Yeah, you are y/n. You’re a virgin. Probably wouldn’t even know what to do,” said the same girl.

Y/n had been invited to a party that the cheerleaders in her class were throwing, and boys from rival school had been invited to. They were all sitting in a circle- enough people to fill up the living room of a rich man’s house- playing a game of truth or dare, and they’d just gotten to y/n. 

She’d gotten dared to give one of the football players of the opposing school a blowjob… in the middle of the living room, with everyone watching. When they all saw her face fall, redden, and then pale,  no one wasted time to verbally pounce on her hesitance.

“Look at her! She’d pathetic Marcy, she’s not gonna do it.” The girl who invited her, Marcy, looked at her with a smirk. 

Embarrassed, and just numb to everything that was going on around her as well as what may come depending on her decisions. All she knew is that she needed to do this because she’d look bad if she didn’t. She didn’t want to be known as a prude. Even if she was a virgin. She didn’t want to be thought of badly. 

“Yes, I will.” Her meek reply had silenced the whole room.

“Come over here, and blow me.” Chris was a sophomore that was known for his promiscuous ways, and the fact that he had a big… that was evident when y/n came to kneel in front of him. 

Shaking, she sat in front of him with wide eyes, her back burning with stares and her heart pounding so hard she could feel it in her hands. 

Throughout it all, she felt disgusting. Ashamed. And unable to breathe because the guy wasn’t letting her come off, holding her down with a strong grip in her hair. Tears burned on her lashes and down her cheeks, partly from being unable to breathe, and the other because she was scared. 

God, she was so scared. What would happen to her when this got out? What then? When everyone knew what she’d done? There were more than enough witnesses present to attest that she’d given head to a guy she didn’t even know.

She’d felt a hand on her breast, and her eyes snapped open from their painful clench; alarmed. The guy sitting next to Chris had leaned over to touch her, and at her scared look he only laughed and continued to do it. His hand trailed lower and lower, and eventually she felt something hot spill down her aching throat. Her ears were ringing, her eyes bleary. 

Much of how she escaped had been... blurred through her panic.

But the feeling… that dreadful, terrorized feeling. It was what deer felt moments before being impacted by a car. 

She’d never forget it.

It was the same feeling creeping up on her then. The niggling, freezing, ambushed fear. It’s the reason why she pulled away from him, and said in a wet whisper, “I can’t.”

She hugs her arms across her chest, oreo still in hand, and turns away with her eyes dropped to the floor.  Y/n’s mind is reeling, utterly confused and just so scared scared scared.

“Did I do something wrong?” Jason asked, trailing after her to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. His lips are a dark shade of pink, the skin of his cheeks a flushed color; if one were to look down, they’d see the heather grey color of his sweatpants was slightly lifted. But his arousal was pushed aside by his concern towards the small girl, who shivered when his fingers grazed her shoulder. He could see her eyes were shut closed, but a tear escaped to roll down her cheeks, and at that the thick hairs of his brows dipped to crinkle on his forehead. “Y/n?”

“I’m sorry.” She sighed, her words hitching and cracking. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

Jason pulled her into his chest, his head shaking no no no to her apologies. “There’s no need to be sorry, dovie. It’s okay. You’re alright.” 

“But I am! I so sorry, Jason. I-” Her words died on her tongue, collapsed by a series of sobs that ruptured out of her lips. She was guilty. So so guilty. She felt like she was lying to him by not telling him of what had… occurred. 

“Baby, baby, hey. Y/n,” He pulled back to cup her face with his hands again, forcing her to gaze into his calm, forest eyes. “Listen to me. Deep breaths,” he began to inhale, his chest expanding with the intake of air. “You’re okay. I’m not mad at you for anything, dove.” 

“You don’t know what I’ve done,” Y/n sets the cookie on the counter, and goes to wipe at her eyes roughly, Jason tugging at her wrists and doing it himself, shushing her as he does. 

“Well I can’t be mad if I don’t know, yeah?” He gives her a small smile. “Do you wanna talk about it?” 

“N-no,” she shakes her head. “No, I don’t.”

“Okay.” He nods, still smiling. “That’s okay. I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready.”

Y/n just nodded and gave him a sad attempt to seem happy, but her chin began to tremble, crinkles appearing underneath her lip, and she rushed to dig her nose in the crook of Jason’s neck. 

“Oh, sweetheart, I wish you’d tell me what’s got you so upset.” He murmured into her hair, his arms wrapping around her. 

“Please, Jason. I don’t wanna,” She sniffled. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Alright. I’ll stop asking. Don’t wanna stress you out anymore, dovie. You need a break as it is.” Jason rubs a warm hand up and down her back soothingly when he feels her nose dip into his collarbone. 

She sniffles some more, a slight hiccup in her breaths, and Jason continues, “speaking of breaks,” this catches her attention, and y/n tilts her head so she’s able to rest it in his shoulder and look up at his side profile. “Would you like to go to the aquarium with me next week?” 

At this, her head springs up so she’s eye level with Jason, her wet eyes gleaming as a surprised smile plays on her mouth. “The aquarium?” 

“Yes, the aquarium.” Jason laughed at her response, his eyes flitting between hers. The skin of his chin crinkled because he was looking down at her, and y/n wondered how he still managed to look so good with a double chin. “A little birdy told me you’ve been wanting to go.” 

Squealing, she said, “Oh my gosh, Jason please! Can we?!” 

Jason pressed a small kiss to her nose, “Of course, silly. It’s why I asked.”

“I’ve been asking Andrew but he….” she trails off, and her eyes become squinty, “heeey, did he tell you?” 

“Mayb-” She jumped suddenly at the feeling of her phone vibrating in her back pocket. The Simpsons theme song blaring through the quiet kitchen, and letting her know her brother was calling. Most likely to tell her it was time to come home. 

“I’ll go get your stuff,” Jason mumbled, separating himself with a wistful look in his eye. 

Y/n mumbled a ‘thank you’ and fished her phone out of her back pocket, pressing the green call button and holding it up to her ear.

“Hey, lover girl. Mom says it’s time to come home. See ya,” and he hangs up before y/n can even respond. 

Rolling her eyes, y/n heads upstairs to help Jason pack her stuff with all her troubles plaguing her heart like weeds.

*                                                      *                                  *

Y/n had eased up a little on her avid studying habits because the SAT had passed, and she studied hard enough that she wasn’t planning on re-taking the exam-- no matter the score. In addition to that, there was enough to place on her shelf to make her look… well, better than good. Years worth of community service work, volunteering, participating in and starting clubs, all about to finally pay off. It was surreal. Kinda stressful, too, but now that she had time off she wanted to decompress. Enjoy herself some. 

To begin with, much of it was taking time off with herself. Meaning, no Jason, or Andrew, or her parents. Just her. She didn’t even have to explain to Jason that she wanted to be alone because after her initial comment of taking time off alone, he’d kissed her palm and murmured about how proud he was against her skin. No bitterness or spite attached. He’d even made a joke about ‘bro time with Andrew’. 

The gym nearest to her house was offering a free month trial-- which just so happened to be the amount of time she was planning on taking to relax before starting to study for finals again-- and she took it up instantly when she found out that they offered yoga and guided meditation classes. It was most likely the best thing she’d ever done.

Apart from getting an hour of physical exercise a day (because yoga is harder than it looks) she was the most relaxed ever. Her sleep was the best it’s been in so long, and her body felt so light. Time to reflect, she’d decided, was very important.

 Plus, her self-esteem had gone up knowing she was doing something to better herself for* herself. 

For the most part, that was how most of her days went.

Go to school, sometimes she’d eat lunch with Jason, get a ride home from him (the goodbye kisses ignited her), head to the gym, come back home and fall right asleep. She took advantage of the first three periods to finish any work that she had to turn in.

It’s only logical that she’d be nervous the day of her date with Jason, since it hadn’t been on her mind at all, and she hadn’t been spending time with the boy so his presence has not consoled her. An anxious fervor had plotted itself in the depths of her belly, goading her like a devil on her shoulder. Better watch how you act, it said, or you’ll fuck this all up.

Jason was the same way. 

The poor boy had also taken to working out to release his...stress. Sleepless nights were spent with the weight-rack in his father’s home gym- arms aching from the strain of bench pressing. Shirtless torso draped in a sheen of sweat, flushed a pink color and littered with prominent veins as he pulled his body upwards, jaw clenched and mind focused, having already reached the point where he listens to his body’s begs for mercy. Rhythmic release of tense breaths escaped through the hard line of his lips, muscles defined under a glint of perspiration beneath the lights of the room, shorts low on his hips. His curls dripped salty beads down the line of his nose, and matted on his forehead. 

He lost himself in the repetitive movements, body going numb until his brain turned off. 

It was almost better than sex. Hell he did it to forget about sex.  

He swears his body chose to betray him every time he was getting ready to fall asleep, projecting filthy images of a girl so sweet, he felt guilty just humoring them. Swollen red lips, hot mouths, soft hands, perky breasts blotchy with his marks. These pictures were so explicit and vivid in his brain about y/n, who was nothing but sweet and kind, and had never come close to even insinuating the things he imagined. 

Hell on earth-- torture is what it felt like, having to ignore sticking a hand down his pants and pulling at himself until he found relief with such an innocent girl on his mind. It made him feel icky and gross because she was so pure. Jason preferred to turn to exhaustion of his body rather than pleasure. And, more often that not he greeted his father’s gym with a scowl and determination to distract himself, pushing himself until he was nothing but a breathless, strained heap laying all tired-out on the bench, salty beads running a path down his forehead and dripping down his neck where his shoulders drooped-- defeated.  

Waking up the next day was a burning adventure; muscles feeling as if they’d been shot through and pricked with needles over and over again.  

But, his dignity was still intact and he was able to look y/n in the eyes with no remorse. The one time he’d jerked off to her, he was a sweating, burning mess as he made his way up to her in the halls.

He’d learned his lesson then.

His nerves didn’t run as deep as y/n’s, but he did second guess himself the more intricate his plan got. Take a certain route, be there at a certain time so there wouldn’t be so full, alert the personnel of his presence. 

Jason had approached his mother, Anne, the night that she had come home, and questioned her about her friend’s sister that worked as a zookeeper, to see if she had connections to the aquarium. Turns out, she did and-and, 

“Honey, what’s the sudden interest in Penny’s sister?” She looked up at her son while chopping green onions. 

Stammering, he rubbed his neck and said, “I was kinda… wondering- maybe, uhm… you could call in a favor for-for me…”

“What for?” 

“I wanted to ask… y/n to prom at the uhm.. The aquarium,” his cheeks go pink and he can’t keep steady eye-contact with his mother. She’s smiling at him knowingly, smiling at him from underneath the lip of the wine-glass she holds up to her mouth. 

She smacks her lip, “Y/n? The prom? When did this happen?” Anne smirked at him, scraping the onions off the cutting board with a knife onto the pan. 

This would be the moment where the distraught teenage boy goes off on his mom for being absent and not knowing a single thing about him. Slam his firsts against the counter-top while sneering. 

But Jason loved his mother and they maintained good communication, so there would be none of that. “Start of February…” He bites his thumb.

The sound of sizzling onions is what fills in the silence of their gazes. His mother slowly nodded her head, and Jason blushing. 

“I knew it.” 

Jason furrowed his eyebrows at his mother’s statement. “What?” 

“I knew this would happen. I knew it the day she first came in with Andrew. The instant you said her name, I knew.” 

Jason furrowed his eyebrows at his mother’s statement. “What?” 

“I knew this would happen. I knew it the day she first came in with Andrew. The instant you said her name, and that look in your eye…” She gleamed at her son. “You love her, don’t you?” 

The boy gaped at his mother. Had he really been that transparent from the beginning? So much so that not even he had noticed his feelings? “You knew?” 

“Course I did. Pushed you out of me didn’t I? Know you like the back of my hand.” His mother set the glass down and continued cutting vegetables. “It’s a mother’s instinct to know when her boy has been swept off his feet.” A soft pat on the cheek meets a dazed Jason. “Now, what’s this favor you wanted?” 

*                                                      *                                  *

Y/n was scared to admit how deep her feelings were for Jason.

Scared to admit that the usual fluttering gnaw at her ribs had developed into an inferno that took over her entire body, centering at her heart and spreading through her nervous system, leaving her skin a tingling network of her emotions.

Basically, take puppy love, and remove ‘puppy’. She loved him. With her entire being and more she loved him. She could see her life with him more secure than anything in her life, which was a big admission because the poor girl was all about security. And Jason made her feel more comfortable than anything in her life at that moment; he made her forget about anything that wasn’t them together in that moment. 

The morning of their date was like one of those scenes in movies where the character just has that really big realization, and all her feelings hit her at once. Y/n pieced it all together in a few seconds. How much he meant to her, how she loved him* and how scary it would be if she were to admit her feelings and receive nothing in return. 

It was at cause of these thoughts that her nerves revved up to their max, mind overthinking different ways that her feelings might cause this date to go wrong. Like something might slip from her lips; a rushed, urgent proclamation of her devotion full of jumbled stutters and met with a stunned look and a freshly single boyfriend.

“Honey, Jason’s here!” Called her mother at the base of the stairs. 

Y/n watched herself grow pale in her reflection, teeth sinking in her bottom lip. No turning back now. 

“Coming!” She took one last look at herself, pulling on the sleeves of the cardigan she layered over the long, white-eyelet dress she was saving for an occasion like this. It was a light, summer material with white embroidered flowers and a nice frilly detain around the waist. The creme cardigan served no purpose other than the fact that she was nervous, and covering up calmed her down. There wasn’t much to cover, but bare shoulders made her heart want to start a riot, screaming at her that people were looking and it was time to get anxious about whether she looked good or not. 

She forced herself to tear her eyes away from the dewy makeup on her face, drawing her mind away from picking at it until it was perfect because it would never be that and it’s okay. Instead, she focused on what lay ahead of her for the day— and maybe that was a tad bit worse but that didn’t matter because she was already in the witch’s pot and the brew was boiling— her date with Jason looming with possibility. Not to mention, she’d finally be getting to see the newly added exhibits she was longing to see. 

Cute baby sea lions, penguins and jellyfish that quickly outweighed all the disastrous scenarios filling her mind. 

Skipping down the steps with an eager smile on her lips, y/n struggled to hold in all her happy squeaks because downstairs Jason was waiting for her and-

“There she is!” Her mother greeted her at the base of the stairs, and winked at her daughter with a smile, a cheeky expression displayed upon the fact that what was happening was a surprising event. Her little y/n going out on a date with none other than her favorite out of Andrew’s friends, Jason.

This would have been the moment in the movies where everything freezes and everyone else disappears. The camera comes to a zoom in on Jason and y/n’s faces, the screen split in half but it the same, dreamy, loved-up expression on both their faces. Y/n’s cheeks warmed with a soft flush and a cheek splitting grin on her mouth, lips that shined with the gloss she had put on them, and eyes that shined under the kitchen lights with an extra sparkle that had floated up from her chest that had become the cavern where she shoved all her emotions.

Jason is equally stunned, unsure of how his girlfriend could get any more beautiful. Bunny teeth on full display, hands in the pockets of his blue jeans. He wore a satin bomber jacket with a tiger on the lower right side of his abdomen that was perched on snow-capped mountains that stretched up to his chest, a swooping eagle on his left breast. Two buttons were left unclasped, the collar of a white under-shirt peeking out, and the dip of his breast-bone on display, highlighted by the glint of the golden cross necklace his grandmother had given him when he was eight.

Meanwhile he took in the sight of her, y/n did the same as well, eyes roaming all over his figure and settling on the eyes that were already set on hers. He loved how she turned a pretty bothered color when they locked dreamy gazes. How her demeanor changes to shy glances when he smiles at her all toothy- his dimples prominent on his cheeks. The boy straightened, looking proud to be able to take her on a date. 

“Well are you guys gonna stare at each other all day, or go to the aquarium?” Andrew asked. He was standing at the kitchen entrance, a bag of Cheetos in his arm, and one cheek bulging with chips. 

“Andrew!” His mother playfully swatted his bicep. “Be nice! You’ll be the same, just wait.”

“Ready to go?” Jason asked, giving a sluggish nod towards the door, his being still transfixed in y/n, who nodded equally as slow even though her heart raced a mile a minute. “Alright, let’s go then. I’ll bring her home before 10, Mrs. Y/L/N.” Y/n walked towards the hand that Jason stretched out for her to grab, her hand swimming in his. It suddenly made sense why he was able to launch a football 400 meters. His hands were big, with a wide palm and nimble fingers that wrapped around hers, the top of it striped with the pleasing ridged of his veins. 

“Bye, hunnies! Have fun…. But not too much fun!” The mother clutched at her chest, her eyes soft at the sight of Jason opening the door for her daughter. 

“Ew, mom!” Andrew said, crumbling the bag to a close and retreating up the stairs, presumably to his room. He stopped at the base, and turned to say, “And I’ll be here, the brother forgotten by this best friend, woe is me!” 

His friend twisted around with a hand on the doorknob, “You know I love you, babe!” 

Andrew said something stupid along the lines of ‘show me, ya stud!’ before his mother shushed him up and waved at the couple that it was okay to leave, approaching the doorway to lock up.

Y/n peeked sideways at Jason, finding him already looking at her with a cheeky smirk. 

“Caughtcha looking,” He said, taking hold of her hand again and giving it a mall squeeze, leaning over to peck her cheek. “Missed you, y/n.”

She wanted to stop and pull him in by both sides of his face to smash their lips together, but she knew that her mom was probably watching through the window. “Wanna kiss you good so bad, but my mom’s probably watching through the window and I don’t wanna hear about it later.” 

“It’s okay, baby, I know. Wanted to ravish you when I saw you coming down the stairs, but that’s not the most appropriate thing to do when my girlfriend’s mom is present, is it?” They reached his car, and he sped up slightly to open the door for her, placing a hand on the small of her back. The grip on her phone increased at the sudden warmth on her body, her mind jumping to dirty assumptions on where this could lead to. 

She got in the car with a quiver in her belly, and it jolted away when Jason shut the door behind her. What was she thinking? Their relationship was built upon glances and sly touches, and how she was flustered in a non-sexual way over him? Strongly?

“Did you wanna get food anywhere before?” He said when he opened the door to his side, leg hiking up and to the side to take a seat. “Dunno ‘bout you, but I’m really really craving those chicken-avocado paninis from that one little coffee shop, and I know you really like their milk tea, what do you say?”

“I say that’s a really good idea.” Y/n said, nodding with a pinch on one side of her face, her true feeling hidden. Eyes trained at the way he held the steering wheel; one hand at 12 while he turned the key into the ignition. Maybe he would hold her neck while the other rubbed at her…

What the fuck? She needs to cut it out. 

Clearing her throat and looking out the window she said, “I could definitely go for a milk tea right now…”

“Yeah? Are you excited for today?” He twists to check behind him before pulling out of his parallel position to the curb, and y/n uses that moment to glance at the smooth skin of his neck, imagining how it would feel underneath her fingertips… her mouth…

“Yes,” She chokes, saliva collecting at the back of her tongue and slipping through. There’s a small pause where she coughs, and Jason plucks a bottle of water from the glove compartment, the back of his hand grazing her knees and the tops of her thighs, which only makes her cough harder. 

“Are you okay, my love? Here,” using the flat of his wrist to take hold on the steering wheel while he opened the bottle, “drink some. I don’t want you to die before you’ve seen the jellyfish.” 

A feeble ‘thank you*’ left her lips before the water bottle occupied it. The liquid washed out anything that had agitated her, and she drank extra to fill the time for at least a few more seconds. She was terrified of doing something wrong. 

The car was pulling up the parking lot of their local cafe when she placed the bottle in the cup holder between them. Jason didn’t have a clue what was going through her head, or the fact that he should be concerned because her thoughts had traveled to him fingering her while she made a mess of his seat. He was simply so grateful to be spending time with the girl who he loved. 

Who he loved.

The boy had realized the extremities of his regards after his mother had spoken them aloud. 

You love her don’t you?

Yes, yes he did. He had known that it was there. The guzzling, spritzy feeling he felt over his chest- like when a sip of a freshly opened can of Sprite goes down your throat- when he saw her, felt her touch, thought about her, had always been there. Always. It was there the day he bumped into her outside of the locker room, her tiny frame going unnoticed when he rounded the corner of the locker room where she was waiting for her brother because he was busy texting some girl, but the moment he heard a squeaky ‘oh, I’m so sorry!’, it was there. 

In some aspects, Jason was a bit dense, and this was one of them. He didn’t act when he should’ve. Or at least recognized what was going on in that broad chest of his-- he doesn’t think he would’ve acted because Andrew wouldn’t have held back. They hadn’t developed such a strong bond to come to the understanding that they did (Jason had made a really bold statement about life long partners and Andrew had been too blown away to stay mad). 

Jason loved y/n, and he always would; that was just facts.

“Wanna stay in here or go inside with me?” He asked her, taking the key out and placing a hand on the door. 

She was lightning quick to say “With you!” a bashful look overcoming her when he looked at her all knowingly, like he could see right through her. “I’ll go with you so you don’t have to carry everything,”  y/n blubbered in efforts to reclaim her dignity, and stepped out of the car. 

He feigned being hurt, “Owie, that stung. Are you saying I’m not strong?” Jason followed after her, a playful pout in his lips, “Tell you what,” he placed an arm around her neck, tugging her close to him and putting his lips by her ear, “I can carry you and the food, at the same time.”

Tables with umbrellas were located at the front of the cafe, people sitting with their computers open or having a chat with friends. Some looked up, some didn’t, but the stares of those who did made y/n feel thousands of times shyer than what she felt. 

The girl couldn’t help but squeeze the fabric of her sweater around herself, her thoughts getting the best of her, the feeling of his lips an enticing action that drove her mad…

He knew it too, chuckling to himself as he opened the door. 

Inside, only a single person made up the line for ordering, and she was already in the process of giving the man her card to pay. Jason and y/n stood side by side, looking up at the menus as if they were thinking over their choices, but really just thinking about each other. 

“Nex- Well, well, well.”

Y/n doesn’t think she had ever forgotten that voice. And hearing it ten, with Jason at her side, brought back the fear she hadn’t even begun to overcome. Her face went white, her lungs freezing, and her feet glued to the ground. 

Shock, was the medical term for it. 

When your body is submerged into temperatures it can’t handle, it goes through a series of procedures to attempt survival. It begins to slow down to conserve energy, shutting down to keep in heat, or await help. Hearts slow, lungs slow, and in extreme, abrupt situations, a person can faint. 

At the appearance of Chris after nearly an entire year, y/n wanted to faint. She wished she had, that way she wouldn’t have to endure Jason’s confused glances, and Chris’s malicious, salacious smirk. 

“Y/n, long time no see, baby.” He said, a piece of gum that he had hidden in his cheek appearing as he started to chew, leaning forward on the counter and giving Jason a once over. “Who’s that?” 

Jason’s eyebrows furrowed at the audacity this guy had, calling his girl ‘baby’. Y/n wasn’t looking at him, she couldn’t- she wasn’t aware of what was happening anymore, retreated into deep parts of her brain- but had she, she would’ve seen a bone-chilling, intimidating look of dominance in his usually kind green eyes. “I’m her boyfriend, who are you?” He said, stepping forward so his thighs were flush with the edge of the counter. His body was pulled tight like the strings on a violin, one pluck away from releasing a disastrous melody. 

Y/n’s eyes began to tear from not blinking them, her heart going from beating normal to beating so hard she could feel it in her fingertips, her stomach dropping like it had been ripped to her feet. 

“Who am I?” Chris licked the inside of his cheek, and y/n gagged. Repulsed, her feet tripped over themselves in attempts to get to the trashcan by the pickup site. “There wasn't even anything in your mouth, babe! Guess that thing they say about muscle memory is true, huh?”

Jason didn’t pay attention to the last thing that he said because he ran over to hold his girlfriend’s hair, rubbing her back and whispering that ‘it’s okay, my love, take deep breaths’. Her body started to tremble when nothing came out, her eyes emitting actual tears now, feeling undeserving of Jason’s affection because of what she’d done.

“I’m so-rry,” she whispered, her face a splotchy, red color that made him panic on the inside at what could plague her. “Can we go?” 

“Yeah,” He nodded quickly, no questions asked.”Yeah, let’s go.” 

Y/n shot up then, practically running out of the store while Chris laughed a belly-clenching laugh that pushed her out further. Jason looked back at him once, anger on clear display because whatever the guy had done, it was bad if it made her this upset.

When he turned around, y/n’s figure was disappearing  through the view of the store’s window, arms clutching herself as she ran to the parking lot. There were more stares than when they first arrived when he ran out after her with a call of her name. 

“Y/n!” He turned the corner to see her yanking violently at his door handle, tears streaming continuously down her cheeks now. Her shoulder jerked back and pushed forward until her knuckles collided on the material of the car. She was hurting herself. “Hey!” He yelled, yanking her back and wrapping his arms around her torso to restrict her movements. 

She thrashed for a few seconds, sobs leaving her until she went limp, which was when he let her go. His eyes were wide with concern, not being able to believe what had just happened. 

“Dovie? Look at me, dovie,” With a curled finger, he gently encouraged her to look at him. Irritated, doe eyes blinked with...  fear. 

“Do you want me?” Were the words that left her mouth in a breathy tremble. 

“I always want you,” Jason said, not hesitating to respond to her abrupt inquiry. His thick brown eyebrows were still knitted, however, and she knew that she owed him answers. As much as she couldn’t bring herself to give them up, y/n said,

“Would you want me even if I was used?” She shut her eyes tight, not being able to bear looking at him. It felt as if she were the one using him then, comforted by his presence, but lying to him as well. 

He scoffed, head shaking. “Yes. Even then I’d still love you.” Jason’s composure remains the same,neither alarmed or shocked that he had let it ‘slip’ past his lips because he hadn’t. He loved her and he told her. 

Y/n, on the other hand, burst into tears and dropped her head, her forehead on his chest, chanting a pathetic, “I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you.”

“Y/n, I need you to tell me what just happened,” He crooned into her ear, his lips kissing her head in attempts to show his affection to comfort her, “Let me help you.” 

She shook her head, and the gold zipper of his sweater scratched her forehead when she did. “No. No, I’m sorry.” She looked up at him, her voice pleading, “I don’t want to ruin our date. Can I tell you after?” Jason looked at her with lips pressed into a firm line. “Please.” She begged.

“Not gonna ruin our date, dovie,” He kissed her right cheek, and her eyelid, the bridge of her nose, and nudged his forehead against hers, “Spent so much time waiting for you, that I’m not gonna let a silly thing break us apart. I’m willing to fight, y/n. I already have.” He fumbled behind her, unlocking the door and propping it open before he pressed a kiss to her lips. A deep press that conveyed everything he just said. I love you.

A shaky, relieved breath left her when they parted, her eyes still shut when he said, “Get in the car, my love,” with another, plushy kiss to her lips before he stepped back to see her get in the car. Her eyes opened slowly to see him smiling at her, no trace of anything strange in his eyes- like he had forgotten everything that happened in the past 10 minutes. 

Y/n mumbled an ‘okay’ and got inside, putting on his seat belt as he closed the door and walked over to his side. She wondered if this was it, if this was her messing up and at the end of the day she would be crying into her pillow because he’d broken up with her. If e was just playing nice because that was just Jason, his MO.

Lost in her own thoughts, she didn’t notice that he had turned on the radio until he started singing along to it. An oldies station that he always had on if there wasn’t any music coming from his phone. It was in the middle of Prince’s Nothing Compares 2 U to which Jason didn’t hesitate to start singing. 

“I went to the doctor’s and guess what he told me, guess what he told me,” he looked over at her while he was singing, a playful look in his eyes, and he shimmied his shoulders. It was a classic ‘sing to your girlfriend so she’ll never forget this song and always associate this song with you’ moment. 

“I went to the doctor’s and guess what he told me, guess what he told me,” he looked over at her while he was singing, a playful look in his eyes, and he shimmied his shoulders. It was a classic ‘sing to your girlfriend so she’ll never forget this song and always associate this song with you’ moment. 

“He said girl you better try to have fun no matter what you do,” his singing voice was a direct reflection on his character, smooth like honey, but deep and slightly scratchy like the comfort of burning wood, “but he’s a fool.” 

Just then, his voice gets a little louder, “Cause nothing compares to you.” He placed a hand on her knee, his lips forming an exaggerated ‘o’ shape on the ‘you’. Jason was clearly singing to her, his eyes flickering from the road to her as a sweet gesture to direct his words to her. 

Y/n sniffled and laughed, using her finger to trace the veins on the back of Jason’s hands, looking up at him while he sang to her. She had the sudden urge to reiterate what he had confessed in the parking lot. How it swelled in her chest, and consumed her. 

But she couldn’t. It was hard and she didn’t know why. Maybe it was because he didn’t know the whole truth about her. Instead she wrote it on his hand. Her caresses going from random to spelling out letters on his knuckles. He noticed this. How the movements were calculated now, and the singing stopped. Green eyes went from the road to her eyes, to the road to their hands.

I love you, too.

She wiped her hand over his when she finished, and didn’t dare look up at him, so she looked out the window but left her hand in his hold. He brought it up to his lips, and kissed her knuckles, rubbing his lips over them repeatedly.

*                                                      *                                  * 

Jason stepped out of the car, and took long, quick strides over to her door, y/n admiring how long and muscular his legs looked in his jeans. He pulled the door open, leaning back so the door could swing past his torso, but staying relatively close to the car, giving her just enough space to get out. Y/n didn’t think anything of it, until she stood, and was face to face with his face, her nose swamped with the toned down scent of fresh, spring scented body wash merged with the soft smell of his skin. 

Given how close she was, she could see the lines on his cupid's bow where his skin color changed from a golden tint to the strawberry of his lips. 

“Can you kiss me properly now, baby?” He said, voice low and raspy. Hands came to flatten on the hood of his Prius, caging her in so she was close to his torso. A blush formed from the way he stared at her mouth like he was starved. 

“P-properly?” She muttered, her hands taking purchase on his hips, and smoothing up his sides, the material cool under her hands. 

“Yeah,” He licked the inside of his cheek, his head tilting, “Like this.”

Jason pushed forward until her back hit the car, and their hips were flush, y/n’s hands stuck between them, but she maneuvered them to she could palm at his chest, her nails digging in like cat’s claws when his lips found their way together, pillowed between each other in a passionate embrace that warmed her to her toes. 

“Mmph, baby ‘ya marking me with your fingers,” He spoke in a sotto voice, heavy breaths and wet noises of their smacking lips resonating through their ears.

It took everything in her not to moan, and she knew that if they kept going it would be inevitable, so she unclenched her hands with a reluctant squeak, and ducked her head into his neck. Breath hot on his neck, “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no, no. I… uhm, I liked it, my love. You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t be shy.” He flexed his jaw, his eyes rolling at the back of his head at recalling the feeling of her hands- dainty and small, and sweet,, and god* it was just her*- clawing at his chest. Jason dipped forward, and kissed her neck. His lips staining her skin with scorching heat, the soft skin creating a magnetic force between them. 

She moaned at that, her teeth scratching at his neck tentatively.  “Stop it,” Her head felt floaty, her limbs soft, “Wanna see the fishies and the way that you’re…” “The way that I’m what, dovie?” He’s stunned by her moan, his brain haywire. “Tell me.”

“The way you’re talking is gonna me make me wanna stay here, and I really wanna see the fishies. Please?” She’s whining; voice an embarrassingly high pitched tone. Her hands gripped the collar of his sweater for stability because her knees were shaking. 

“Alright. Alright, let’s go see the fishies, baby.” Jason pecks her one last time at the juncture of her neck, and takes a step back to grab her hand. “Come on.”

*                                                      *                                  * 

 “So, they’ve got McDonald’s, Tam’s Burgers, Ruby’s Diner, and Sushi.” Jason holds a tri-fold directory of the aquarium in one hand, and y/n’s hand in the other. 

“Sushi? At an aquarium?” She skews half her face to the side like she tasted something sour. 

“I know right?” He copies her face, “The irony. Up for burgers? It’s all they’ve got.” 

Y/n’s stomach grumbled at the mention of food, and she giggled when Jason noticed and laughed at her. “Burgers sound good,” she said, rubbing her stomach comically.  Although she was still heated by their earlier interaction, both were pretending like nothing happened, and like they didn’t have a big thing waiting for them at the end of the day.

Like she wasn’t going to reveal how sh-

“Anything for you, baby.” Jason Jason held up the tri-fold again and blew out of his lips as he made out the route to Tam’s burgers. 

When they both got there, they ordered the same thing: one cheeseburger with a vanilla milkshake. Oh, and they were sharing chili cheese fries.

It was the epitome of a perfect date for a young couple in love. They chose to sit on the same side of the booth because they were greedy to get everything they could from each other. Unnecessary touches were made more than the amount of things they said to each other. Him brushing hair behind her each, hand on her thigh, rubbing her cheeks, feeding her, wiping her mouth, her arm hooked through his, pecking his cheek after a sip of her milkshake, nudging his feet with hers, caressing his thigh. It was on the rubbing his thigh part where things would get slightly heated, and Jason would stop to kiss her, licking into her mouth to taste the vanilla that was also on his tongue.

Jason paid for their meal, much to y/n’s begging, and then walked her over to the penguin exhibit.

“Heard one of their eggs just hatched, and I want you to see it.” He said, swinging their hands between them.

“Really?” She asked, her features lifted with excitement. “Well then let’s go!” Y/n ran ahead of him, looking back at him and pulling at his arm. Laughing, they swerved around people and ran past the large tank that represented the reef ecosystem, blue light from the sun that streamed through the top of the tank dancing on their skin like shadows. It was a magical moment, even though they looked like weirdos. In their head they were in their own movie, their own world.

 “Jason, honey? Is that you?” A woman in green cargo shorts and the customary blue shirts with the aquarium’s logo on the left breast called from the inside of the penguin expedition. She had raven black hair in a low bun, and red lipstick paired with a bright smile. She was feeding the animals from  two buckets on the edge of the pool where they were jumping in. 

“Hey, Janet!” Jason called out, waving from behind the glass barrier. “Long time no see, have you gotten younger?” 

She laughed and turned around, walking through an archway and disappearing from view. A male walked out, and smiled towards the couple, nodding once and turned his attention towards the penguins. He whistled once, and they all came to him, huddling around him expectantly.

Then he bent downwards and placed the back of his hand on the penguins tummy, pressing back and they waddled backwards. He did the same to four others, pressing them so they were in a straight line, and they stayed where he placed them. Janet came out then, with black objects in her arms. 

“What are they….” Y/n asked, confused as to what was going on because she had been to this aquarium several times and had never seen such things. “... doing?” 

Janet removed one of the items from her chest, and y/n could see that they were large letters. A ‘P’ which she placed at the feet of the first penguin. ‘R’ on the one following. They rested against their bellies, and after an initial peck at it, they left it alone and watched their keepers expectantly, presumably for food. ‘O’ followed, then ‘M’. And as the question mark was being laid on the last penguin, Jason turned to watch his girlfriend’s face, waiting for the realization to hit. It didn’t take very long.

“Oh my gosh, Jason, look! Look it spells prom!” She pointed at it excitedly, a smile from ear to ear as she looked on at the animals, amused by their antics. She looked over at him to share her glee, and found him watching her with a dreamy smirk. “Look at the animals! Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Will you go to prom with me?” 

Y/n’s jaw dropped, the full realization hitting her. This had been planned, more specifically, Jason had planned this. “You did this?” She asked. Looking back and then at him again as he nodded slowly, still waiting for an answer. She stood there for a moment, stunned, and after a blink she jumped into his arms. “Yes! Yes! Yes, I want to go to prom with you!” 

He didn’t waste any time in wrapping his hands around her waist and twirling her around, laughing. Kissing her cheek, he set her to her feet and she was watching him with bleary eyes, a pout on her lips. “You did this for me?” 

“Technically, my mom did, but yes. Had her call in for me. Did you like it?” He put his hands in the pocket of his bomber jacket, his lips puckered as he tried to conceal a proud smile. 

“I love it, so much, Jason I-” She’s left speechless, and she glances up at the animals again, where Janet and the other keep were throwing fish at them. “Thank you.” The tips of her fingers came to cover her mouth, tears of joy threatening to slip. 

“Don’t cry, dovie. You weren’t supposed to cry,” he cooed, slipping his hands out again to wipe at the tears that fell down her cheeks.

“Shut up and kiss me,” Leaning up on her tip-toes, y/n abruptly yanked at his jacket, and crushed their lips together. 

“There we go! Your mother would love this!” Janet whooped, and her cheers caused the couple to split from each other with red faces, laughs covering their embarrassment. 

“Hush up, and let me kiss my girl will ya?” Jason pointed a finger at her and pretended to scowl. “We’re leaving to somewhere where we can smooch in peace!” Nearby people laughed at his jokes.

“Bye, sweetie! Tell your mother I said hello!” She waved goodbye, and returned her attention to the penguins at her feet. 

Y/n waved a goodbye along with Jason, yelling a ‘thank you’ as she walked away. Her brain was still trying to process what had happened when they turned the corner and walked into the new exhibit of the darker layers of the ocean. A long, winding hallway where the only light was the glow coming from the bio-luminescence animals in the water. 

An influx of serotonin swimming through her veins, squeals leaving her where she noticed where they were. 

“The jellyfish!” She left Jason’s side to stand in front of the large glass. An abundant amount of jellyfish bobbed up and around each other at slow, hypnotizing speeds. Glowing, long tentacles swaying in their trail; networks of veiny light streams present in each of them. The blue hue reflecting off of her skin, and onto the pane where it showed her amazed reflection.

“They’re beautiful,” she mumbled. Jason caught up, and stood besides her, his figure also appearing on the glass pane that held the jellyfish. “I could watch them all day.” 

His eyes drifted from the jellyfish to her side profile, admiring how ethereal she looked in that moment. Her face was soft with curiosity and wonder. “Me too.”

“You’re not even looking at them.” She gives him a side-eye glance. 

“I know.” He turned so his feet pointed to her, and combed his hair back because a few curls were tickling his forehead. “Can’t believe I’m gonna have the prettiest girl as my prom date.” 

Y/n’s nostrils flared and she sucked in her lips to suppress a smile. “Stop it.”

“S’true. Everyone’s gonna be so jealous of me.” He sucked in a breath, “Gonna have to hold on to you so no one steals you from me.” 

She knows he means every word that leaves his lips. And that the words are meant to tickle her heart with their honesty. While they do so, they also break it. Y/n thinks she’s living a lie. Not her relationship with him, but the way she acts and portrays herself. So much of herself, she kept hidden. It hurt knowing that he was being so genuine, and she wasn’t. It hurt more than knowing he could break up with her if he knew the truth. 

So, she decided to come clean. Even though they decided on the end of the day, her conscience wasn’t letting her live. 

“Jason, I have something to tell you.” She said, her throat closing up on the second syllable of his name, and crying by the end of her sentence. 

The boy brings his palm to her lower back, and moves his thumb up and down comfortingly. “Deep breaths, y/n. I’m listening.” 

“That boy?” She tilts her chin so she’s looking at him, and he nods when they make eye contact. “From the cafe? I knew him from a party.” Deep breath. “We were playing truth or-” a sob leaves her, shoulders sagging as her composure breaks. 

Jason raises his hand from her back to her shoulder, and steps closer so she’s pressed against his chest. “It’s okay. I’m right here, baby. I’m not leaving you. Take your time.” 

It would’ve been a lot more embarrassing if people were passing, but they were the only ones there. Had there been someone, they would’ve seen a terribly emotional y/n and a very concerned Jason. 

A creeping feel of panic like the one from that night teased her toes, anxiety of her confession crawling up her spine. But she had to push through. She needed to get this off her chest. 

“We were playing truth or dare, and… and I got dared t-to suck him off in front of everyone else,” another hiccup interrupts her words, and she had to stop to take a deep breath like Jason said, giving him an ashamed, fleeting glance.  Not long enough to see that his eyes were wide with astonishment, eyebrows furrowed with bubbling rage.

“What?” He said, more on the rhetorical side to encourage her to keep talking. His mind kept jumping back to the guy at the cafe and the way he said ‘there wasn’t anything in your mouth, babe’ with a knowing look in his eyes. How he practically violated her with his eyes. Rage filled him; all he wanted to do was punch the guy in the face. 

Anger made itself present in his stunned comment, and y/n took it as a disgusted comment. She jumped to explain herself, “I didn’t want to do it! I swear I didn’t put they started calling me names, a-and I didn’t want them to be upset with me so I-” another collapse of her words, chest rising and falling with desperate breaths. The panis increased, rising up to her chest and gripping like a boa. 

Jason knew that she needed reassurance on that moment and said, “Sh, sh Dovie, deep breaths. It’s alright, I know you didn’t, my dove. That’s called peer pressure.” 

It was clear that this was something she struggled with for a long time, and it hurt him so much inside that he had so blindly lived in the presence of her pain. Held her, touched her, and never noticed that she was so deeply in pain. The anger in him became a mix of bitter remorse at the fact that he had done nothing to push at her, or present himself in a way that showed she could trust him. He was unaware he was crying too until his own vision became blurry with moisture. 

“I left right after he… after he…. Because the other boys started touching me, too. That was when you found me under that tree. Remember?” Shiny doe eyes glimmered with the light that came off the jellyfish at him. They seemed to beg him for forgiveness, for understanding that she was sorry.

“Yes, sweetheart I remember.” Soft fingers crawl up her cheek, caressing like silk at the tears that still fell. Kisses were littered in her temple with strong pressure, a display of his comfort. “Oh, I’m so sorry that you had to go through that, baby. It’s not your fault.” 

“I should have said no. I should’ve l-left or something…”

“No. No, y/n this wasn’t your fault. This wasn’t on you. You were under pressure, and they were bullying you as well… Oh my god, baby, this- You don’t want to tell authorities?” 

“No! No, no, Jason I can’t l-let anyone find out I did…” Her eyes shut with distaste, “That. Please, don’t tell anyone.” 

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” He nods.

“Do you still want me?” Her cross, and her nails dig into her arms. Y/n bowed her head and sniffled. Jason took note of this, and pried her hands off so she wouldn’t bleed. His heart clenched at the tone of desperation in her voice. It hurt him to even think that he’d leave her so easily, and his words came out more emotionally tainted than he would’ve wanted.

“Y/n look at me.” His hand cupped her cheek, and the other held both of her wrists. She wrapped her hands around his wrists and squeezed him tightly. “I’m not leaving you. Can’t you understand that I love you, baby? I’m not leaving you, not now.”

“God, Jason. I don’t deserve you.” Y/n leans into his touch, sniffling.

“No, dovie. You’ve got that all twisted. It’s me who doesn’t deserve you.  You’re so good to me, so kind, and sweet,and I’m so so sorry thing happened to you. But it’s gonna be okay, yeah? We can work through this, I’ll be there by our side. I won’t leave.” The boy followed after her eyes, wanting to maintain eye contact with her, but she was shifty with her gaze. He wanted to be able for her to see-- in his eyes-- that he meant every word.

“I love you.” Y/n jumped into his chest and wrapped her hands around his neck, happy to be free of guilt, and blissfully happy that she had Jason. That he loved her, and she was able to tell him that she loved him.

After a moment of just standing in each other’s arms, head’s buried in each other’s neck with Jason muttering into her ear just how much she meant to him, they stepped back  to look at the other, and y/n laughed halfheartedly, wiping at her eyes and underneath her nose. Quiet ‘thank you’s were exchanged and they took one last good look at the jellyfish in silence. Y/n suggested they go home, and Jason said he wanted to stop by the gift shop first. Something about how how he needed a polar bear to hold onto at night.

In reality, he bought her the sea otter she wouldn’t stop petting, and a key chain with the date engraved on it. He didn’t give these to her until they were in front of her house, and he reached into the bag behind her seat.

“These are for you.” He said, placing the stuffy on her lap, and the key chain on her open palm. “A memoir. The first time we said I love you... among other things.” 

His tone was serious, mouth set in a grim line, but y/n was smiling.

“I knew something was up when you told me to wait outside. Thank you.” Leaning over the console, they both met each other halfway, and kissed each other goodbye. At the first taste of her lips, he removed his hands from the steering wheel in favor of having them on her face, holding her too him a few seconds longer than she usually would have let herself stay kissing.

“You’re welcome, dovie. I love you.” He said, pecking her lips once more, and then her nose, making her laugh through her nose. “I’ll see you tomorrow, but I’ll call you tonight. Yeah?”

“Yeah. I love you, too.” She opened the door, and waved once more at her boyfriend who smiled at her from inside the car.

Y/n was slightly upset over he fact that he hadn’t gotten out to walk her up the steps, and in any other situation, he would’ve. But out of his eagerness, Jason waited until she was inside, and lifted his hips to get his phone out of his pocket, calling the one person he knew would have his back if he wanted to set things straight.

It rang three times before he picked up.

“Andrew. It’s an emergency. Come over to my house tonight. Don’t let anyone see you leave.”

[cloudytamaki]

imma req a mha matchup because it seems fun and ily 😩🙏

I’m a Pisces and Gemini moon (Ik) and I’m ISFP

uh I’m skinny, 5’4 with black hair, blue eyes, and a Tim Burton ass look. Like I’m a dead girl walking. Queen Elizabeth has nothing on my ass. my likes are DAD JOKES bye they’re so funny, funky sweaters (i got a thrifted tee that said ‘vote Michelle for queen’ and idk who Michelle is but get it sis), playing episode for shits and giggles, and pancakes. Oh and fucking around on Yahoo answers (rip). My interests/hobbies are writing god awful shitty poetry and posting it on my emoboydepressddkid10 account, dance competitions which is BASICALLY child stripping but no one talks about it, hanging out with friends, and baking. My style is just idgaf central. the only thing I do is like a blurry eyeliner. Sometimes I go crazy and do a feline look. Wild shit. But yeah just like Air Force 1s, black skirt and some dad joke shirt. For my uh likes in a partner I’d say someone who’s fucking vibey, yk? Like I desperately want someone to steal a shopping cart with and explore abandoned buildings with. Committing crimes by yourself is boring. Someone who knows the universal snitches get stitches policy cause again live laugh commit arson. What I wouldn’t like in a partner is probably if they have a huge stick up their entire ass. Just like whole tree. A fine example is if I shared a Prince Phillip joke with you and you went “it’s not funny he died 😐” i hate you. like mf was a huge racist wdym? uh and also someone who will put effort in. like if we’re in a relationship be prepared to care about me. you can’t ghost my ass and leave me all suicidal and alone that’s bs. And someone who won’t leave me when I’m in the psych ward. Sorry best friend we ain’t got phones 😆 and someone who respects my friends. If you do Jack shit to my friends I’ll beat your ass without hesitation. I will never pick you over them so get it together. Bros before hoes. Oh and lastly someone who won’t bully me for my insecurities. My toxic ass best friends did this and I’m left with gaping holes in my heart so please don’t rip it up ty. my love language is definitely words. Compliment me bitch I’ll cry. Maybe it’s because I didn’t get enough love as a child or maybe it’s not. Either way fuck yeah make my ego strong. HEY AND ALSO someone who isn’t insecure that I’m bi is great. I’ve had boyfriends who’ve asked me deadass ‘yk...you should stop being bi.’ Like babe I’ve been trying. For seven years in total. It don’t work. Sorry?

anyway bye and also ur such a good writer like uh gimme what ur on? 😍

viv’s notes: bae this was one of the most interesting asks i had to respond to immediately. first off i love your personality please send me more asks. second, i’ve gotta agree with the prince philip jokes and shit. i must say his recent horrifying photos are now added to my folder of reaction pics. third, i am on nothing. the only way i’m holding onto sanity and grasping fleeting creativity is with a dark ass room and rain lofi at the moment. (plus i’d commit crimes with you <3)

i pair you with mina ashido.

you and her both have a collection of inside jokes and laugh about them often

she’s loyal and will stay by your side even if that means signing release forms at the police station or paying for a broken target cart

she’ll give you hugs and kisses but definitely expresses her affection verbally

she isn’t gonna pick at your insecurities but will smack anyone who does

“wow, so this place has been here longer than a hundred years?” you look around the building in awe, the sun shining through the broken glass windows.

“i think so, google said it was used as a hospital.” mina affirms, nodding to herself as she looks around.

“it’s pretty nice in here. you can see the sunlight and everything.”

mina takes a selfie of the both of you, flashing a peace sign before grabbing your left hand. “come on, let’s go!”

[badlydrawnmanic]

time for episode 3 i guess! wish i could focus on the things i gotta do but something’s bugging me and i just can’t, i might have to start from scratch but anyway...

• manic wants to find a place where he belongs... • why were the triplets born in... an alternate dimension??? what • dingo is a tree and it’s freaking me out • sonic: hey did you notice anything strange about that tree   manic and sonia: no we did not see the canine face with stupid glasses staring at us directly as we passed by • the fact that manic’s drums can cause earthquakes and stuff is pretty neat • i seriously feel bad for dingo at this point • there’s a camera angle where it looks like manic’s levitating in front of sonic when sonic is supposed to be dragging him along real fast • i don’t understand why the bad guys are like “lmao nature and clean things are stinky” like i know you’re bad but like ??? man • i think this show would be much more visually appealing if they used brighter backgrounds like in mobodoon • again how old are they supposed to be, it’s their birthday? they’re so small • i know mayor winnieham (how the fuck do you spell that) is a horse but she looks like a soft dragon, she’s so nice and i actually like her voice • hooray for socialism • sonic sniffs and it sounds like jaleel had a stuffy nose that day • horse lady is so nice but a ton of nice people in this cartoon are traitors so i’m like :grimace: • A CHAOS EMERALD • manic is so overwhelmed by the fact that someone cared about him and his siblings that he starts to like fall backwards and the lady has to push a chair under him, he’s crying someone hug this boy • “sonic’s always been cool, having this mondo world as his home” sorta implies that he had adventures before all this, i only say this because i’ve been trying to slap together a timeline and i think i made underground take place between satam and sonic 3? i forget exactly

• h • you’d think horse lady would be more excited that they’ve returned and stuff • gee sonia why does your mom let you have super speed and strength • did she recognize dingo this time?? she got mud on her and immediately attacked him so like... would she do that to anyone??? • the people who wrote this show don’t understand how siblings interact with each other, i don’t call my brother “bro” every two seconds and i don’t think anybody does • okay why does the horse lady say they were born in this nursery room, i would assume that that’s... not true... please tell me there’s a hospital or something in this city • three episodes into the series and manic’s like “i’m gonna stay here and break up the band :D” • horse lady made evil eyebrows i don’t trust her all adults are bad • SONG TIME AGAIN, SONIC UNDERGROUND STYLE • I think this is one of the only songs where manic sings and it’s not even clear that it’s him? i was told that it was him singing • GSDJG MANIC’S HAIR IS BIRDS • sometimes the baby triplets are cute and sometimes they’re terrifying • they reused animation that was used like just before the song started • manic goes “wow” in his normal voice right in the middle of the song • i actually really like this song, but like... the singing voice is odd, a bit nasally. other than that it’s good and i’d listen to it again, like... 9/10 i think, i’ll hum it absentmindedly after the episode is done. if they re-recorded this for any reason or if there was a cover of it i’d be pretty happy about that! • sleet unrolls a huge sheet of paper with absolutely nothing on it • the background characters in mobodoon aren’t as hideous as the normal background characters • sonic leaving fire everywhere when he runs seems like it would be an issue at some point • sleet and dingo are terrorists • they deadass just stole a family’s whole house • THE CHAOS EMERALD • i’m calling it a chaos emerald, apparently it controls the daylight cycle and structural integrity of the whole dimension which is odd • if she’s so worried that mobodoon will fade why don’t they evacuate? unless they can’t without the chaos emerald or something • apparently they can leave whenever because sonic’s back with sleet and dingo • they used footage from this episode in the previous episode’s music segment...? i wonder how production was • sonia and manic fall from the sky • “manic, hold all the important doohickeys while we do the cool stuff” • dingo’s fucking feral in this segment holy shit calm down • the cave of wonders................ • MANIC HAS LITTLE SHARP TEETH • manic did it!! • i still don’t get how mobodoon works • how unstable is that dimension if the chaos emerald being gone for an hour max is enough to make it nearly collapse • sonic called dingo “dingus” and i have no idea how old that term is

• manic looks like a very small child waiting for his mom to say he did a good job saying “thank you” to the grocery store checkout person and that’s adorable but also he looks goofy as shit • this poor boy, i imagine he just wants a mother figure, horse lady has her hand on his shoulder and she’s probably one of the few dependably nice people they’ve encountered in a while • aw, sonic and sonia like... acknowledge that manic is happy here and are willing to let him stay in mobodoon, that’s pretty wholesome. i feel like this was supposed to be an emotional beat but like... bad pacing kinda mucks it up

• “don’t forget to visit” god, my heart, he says it so gently like poor baby • “oh i almost forgot that your mother who has been absent in your lives since you were literal babies and that you’ve been risking your lives to find stopped by during the climax of the episode, my mistake”

• okay, i can see the horse part of her now maybe more of a donkey • “together at last” is one of the audio blurbs they play and they say it like they’ve been separated forever • they knocked sleet back into mobodoon like that solves the problem??? • i kinda like how they replay part of the song at the end of the episode to like... reestablish an idea in a different light? like when it played the first time it’s like “oh i found my childhood home and the place where i came from” and now it’s like “i’ve found the place where i belong with my loved ones” and that’s actually really good imo • i feel like manic has the most potential for depth out of all of them just because if you look any deeper into what’s happening in the show it gets kinda sad? [slaps roof of manic] this bad boy can fit so much emotional trauma in it

[rynhaswritersblock]

gross (hc) | p.p.

summary: chaotic mess in which you pull a Dumb Bitch Move and write a song for peter while relying on the hope that he never sees it

warnings: i've already cussed. that speaks for itself ALSO FLUFF THIS IS VERY CUTE IM PROUD OF IT

+ + +

- HEADCANON TIMEEEEEEEEEEEE

- yeahyeah!!

- you guys i cannot stop saying "yeahyeah" i do not know why i just... it's a part of me now

- i think i got it from bigballerclaire on tiktok LMAO

- ANYWAYS

- BY THE WAY THIS IMAGINE IS KINDA A REVERSE ONE OF "camera"

- speaking of, why the Fuck did i call that one "camera". that's the most boring name??? did i forget to change it before publishing????? i need to go change that name (so if you can't find an imagine called camera by the time you're reading this IT'S BECAUSE I CHANGED THE NAME LMAO)

- OKAY! LETSGETIT

- so it's late at night

- like midnight or something

- and ur in ur FEELS okay?

- (we all know that feeling when you've been reading fanfic for like hours and then it's one am and you finally look away from your screen and stare at the ceiling and you're like. holy fuck. and then your brain drifts and ur like I WANT PETER RN!!!!!!!!!)

- yeah that type of FEELS

- and guess who's a musical genius in this imagine?

- bitch it ain't me!

- it's YOU!

- YEAHYEAH!

- so you're like a hella songwriter

- think joshua bassett and olivia rodrigo on instagram iykyk

- keep an eye out (for selener.. jkjk) for olivia's song later in this imagine

- so OBVIOUSLY you're like::

- i need to get out my feelings

- i like writing songs

- ... 0_0

- To The Journal!

- so basically YOU WRITE A SONG

- ABOUT PETER

- BECAUSE HE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND AND YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HIM AND CAN'T HANDLE ALL THE PENT UP EMOTION YOU'RE FEELING

- YEAH

- okay so i am stealing this song from olivia rodrigo because it deadass fits PERFECTLY

- this song goes SO HARD

- pro tip if you play guitar/uke the chords are on ultimate guitar it's VERY FUN TO PLAY

- anyways i most DEFINITELY recommend listening to this song while reading this because like...

- ??????????????

- yeah you get it

- i'm putting the lyrics in because i Feel Like It and it Adds To the Imagine

- i don't think i'm capable of writing a sentence without randomly capitalizing shit good god

- so HERE ARE THE LYRICS

Not long ago when I saw you there With your brown eyed grin and your messy hair And every girl at the party was looking at you I wonder what I'd say if I knew back then That the brown eyed boy'd be my best friend And the one I'd give my heart to (ooh, ooh, ooh) Now everything reminds me of you Your pictures framed all over my room And if I hate someone you'll hate them too As long as I'm your darling angel I don't need anything in the world 'Cause I feel like the luckiest every second that I'm your girl I wanna do everything with you Take the highs, I'll take the lows I'll keep you close Give you the most, oh baby I like you so much it's kinda gross Yeah, I like you so much it's kinda gross

- thank u genius.com da Real Plug

- so YEAH

- you've got those lyrics scribbled in ur notebook

- WHICH BTW

- this is one of those shitty cliches where she WritesSongs! and carries her journal with her everywhere because it's Special!

- and ur stupid cause ur like "im just writing this for myself! to get out my feelings! he will Never see this Haha!"

...

- so obviously

- you can see where this is going

- some SHIT about to go down

- you and peter are at the library doing homework because yeah(yeah)

- and you finish all your work so you just decide to get out your journal and start doodling bc.. like fuck it why not

- and then peter's stomach growls

- this bitch and his fucking Metabolism get the fuck out

- you look over at him and he just looks at you like 0_0

- IM LITERALLY LAUGHING AS I WRITE THIS RN WHY IS IT SO FUNNY TO ME

- you're like Fine Okay Bitch i'll Get You A Snack

- so you get ur wallet and peter already knows what you're doing because this aint the first time

"what do you want, pete"

"a snickers, please"

- he says it all innocently and like imsosorryigetobnoxiouslyhungryeverytimewehangoutipromiseillpayyouback

- cause he's BABIE

- is it babey or babie. i forget. oh well

- you nod and go to the vending machines to get his snickers (and one for you too because snickers go HARD damn i want one rn)

- MEANWHILE

- ha

- peter's trying not to focus on the fact that your journal is Lit Rally (literally) sitting Right There

- it's like bro relax i am literally just Vibing

- cause you keep that lil shit CLOSE TO UR HEART

- AINT NOBODY GONNA LOOK THROUGH YOUR JOURNAL

- until today

- yeah

- he keeps eyeing the front lobby doors by the vending machines

- and just slowly pulls the journal to him and starts quickly flipping through it like a madman

- gotta go FAST

- i'm about to pee my pants i crack myself up sometimes

- it's mainly just little doodles and random notes and thoughts and stuff

- peter sees a drawing of spiderman and Deadass goes "awe" OUT LOUD

- a few people look at him and his face gets all hot (Hot Hot! Hot Chocolate!)

- rt if you agree that the polar express has SUCH weird vibes

- that movie is a fever dream ANYWAYS

- and THEN

- ladies and gents this is the moment you've waited for

- (OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH stomp. stomp stomp. OHHHHHHHHHHH!)

- i need to rewatch the greatest showman OKAY

- PETER GETS TO THE PAGE WHERE YOU WROTE THE SONG ABOUT HIM

- HIS GODDAMN NAME IS LITERALLY AT THE TOP OF THIS PAGE THIS IS LITERALLY THE TITLE:

a song about peter because i'm fed up right now

(and then the lyrics right underneath ofc)

- moment of silence

- peter just stares at the page like 0_0

- but the inside of his head is like AHHHHHHHHHHFDNGDFKJGNEKLFNFDJBVDJHF

- then he gets all warm inside he's like holyshitholyshitholyshity/nlikesmetoofuckfuckfuckyeahyeah!

- and then he hears footsteps

- Oh No!

- he looks up and the look on your face is just

- 🅱eter what the Fuck are you doing

"you wrote a song about me?"

graphic design is my passion

- anyways you just stand there for a second before shaking your head

"nope"

"but it says my name right h-"

"different peter"

- peter squints at you like are you sure wait really and you sit down, sliding him his snickers

- you Refuse to look at him so you're just like Staring Off as you take a bite out of your snickers a bit too aggressively

- peter clears his throat and you finally look over

- the Second you meet his eyes you just BREAK and lean forward, burying your face into the crook of his neck with an awkward laugh

- peter lets out his Signature Boyish Laugh (the sound you hear when you enter heaven) and he wraps his arms around you

"it's not gross"

"what?"

"your song says, and i quote 'i like you so much it's kinda gross' and what i'm saying is that it's not gross"

"i hate you"

"but i was just about to tell you that i like you too!"

+ + +

cuties

i swear i either write an imagine in like two hours or a whole ass week there is no in between

anyways i want this to happen to me

[mingi-bubu]

Watch “Youth With You” with Me!

Episode 9 Part 2

- and we’re back

- lowkey i completely forgot that i had water and so my lips are very dry

- am also falling asleep too so that’s spicey of me i think

- alrighty drank some water, pushed up my glasses

- as mark lee says, lezgedit

- top 9 get told at end, to no one’s surprise

- 36-45

- 36 is ranran! love that we have so many double names/nicknames

- 37 is eliwa xu!  and kun deadass called her a fool i’m-

- 38 is victoria li!  aww that’s so cute

- 39 is jenny zeng!! 

- 40 is zizi xu!

- 41 is hhhhh from akb48

- aaaahhhh it’s anne hu!!!

- 42 is sunny jin!

- i love that there’s like no more build up hes just saying names now

- 43 is luna qin!

- 44 is shujun ma! h her hair is so cute for this

- i love the supprot that all the trainees show for each other

- 45 is bubble zhu!

- this half is less than last week’s but only by like ... 10? minutes

- only 41 minutes this time

- kun stop telling dad jokes, someone in the nine percent groupchat that has to exist, please clown on him

- like fcc or justing wya??  this is perfect fodder

- anywyay shujun ma is trying not to cry and naho looks so happy for her

- eliwa xu is saying she’s a member of the passionate fools ugh this is too cute

- she wants to be a sheep, zhang yixing watch your back bro she’s coming for your title XD

- 46-55 it’s nervy now

- 46 is air su!!

- 47 is ruohang feng!

- 48 is ranee wang

- 49 is kay song!

- 50 is a soprano, gross.  juicy zuo.  with the egirl heart.  love it.

- 51 is yennis huang

- 52 is vicky wei!

- 53 is ju chen!

- 54 is jessie fu

- 55 is vivi chen

- how many people are allowed to sit on the other side with the numbered chairs?

- i love vivi’s speech she really said i drink haterade and it makes me stronger

- anyway i was gonna say i didn’t watch idol producer in its fullest bc im really new to the whole cpop thing and have only really watched some of the stages, mostly from kun’s run so i’m very unknowledgeable about a lot

- sometimes i feel as if i cant ask the others in yuehuas pr team bc like i  shouldn’t ask about something that is this like idk easy??  like its not that i’m afraid of them looking down on me but at the same time it’s nice to have become friends with people who are into something that i also enjoy

- i love that she zlk;sdfjkl;asdghflkashdfgiarhgfi kunkun-ah!!  i was gonna say i love that she used kun-ah’s lyrics to young to wrap her speech up lmaooooo

- i’m deadass crying at ju’s speech oh my god she wants to make winning a seat in the 9 a birthday gift for her mom fUCK

- kay and esther sniping at each other is my aesthetic lmaoooo

- 60 spots

- fourteen spots left ooooof

- last five and top nine

- okay he’s gonna give us the last four

- 56 is menglu zhang

- 57 is xinwen xu

- 58 is monster sun

- 59 is handong

- do those who dont get a seat in the triangle get sent home orrrr???

- liek do they have to stay in that uncomfy area on the other side of the auditorium or do they literally send 40 girls home?

- kun is literally so attatched to all of these girls im emo

- the sound ppl need to figure out what they’re doing bc it keeps changing

- eughh ok gotta wait until next episode to find out 60 and 1-9

- e.e

- ooh i love that they get to act like rich heiresses

- but yueah the episode is over and i don’t have vip access so i guess i’ll never know what happens with that and with the whole baking thing from last week!!!

- anyway, since i saw esther in the uhhhhh previews for the next episode im gonna say it’s safe to assume they aren’t sending all of the nonranked trainees home.  maybe if they had under a certain # of votes?

- alrighty that’s it for episode nine!  thank you for reading and watching with me!  i’ll see you next episode!

[inazuma-eleven-official]

Hi! So for the send me an Inazuma character ask you just reblogged how about Kazemaru and uh all the numbers thank you.

Anon if you wanted me to suffer you could’ve just said so.

Jk, Kazemaru’s my main boy so I’m happy to talk about himand to destroy any standards you had for him, my assumptions for any characterever end in them becoming a meme.

What is their sexuality? Are they confuse and areworrying about it? - I think like most teens he’s a bit ????????? about everything, but heknows he ain’t just straight, he’s too gay around men to just be straight.

Are they dominant, submissive or a switch? - Bro, bro he’s like 14/15. (but GO Kazemaru is defiantly a bottom he hasthat kinda energy to him I’m sorry sjfhbsafghsfghsfghsfghsgh)

Have they done anything intimate yet? - He’s a child, save it for marriage.

Do they like PDA? - Somewhat??? He’s totally down for hand holding but anything else is toomuch badfgjhbadjghadgjhadfg (also had to look this one up because I’m stupid)

What will they wear on a daily basis? - Clothes preferably. (He always wears his running shoes because my boygotta run)

Opinions on cosmetic? - You take one look at this boy and tell me that he’s not wearingeyeliner, that’s right, you can’t. (If he wasn’t a cowards he’d go full on emomakeup, but because he is he just goes eyeliner)

Sunglasses or Piercings? - Piercings no, sunglasses??? Absolutely.

What will they do in their past time? - R U N, hang out with the other team mate, IDK maybe video games?? (hedoesn’t strike me as an epic gamer so he only plays casual shit likeMinecraft.) He totally seems like the kinda guy to want to try new things allthe time, only to give up on them like 2 days later lol.

What will they post on their social media? - Kazemaru has a habit of posting random thoughts he has throughout theday every 2 minutes and then just going silent for like 3 days. It annoyseveryone, especially when he comes back to post a picture of a cute dog that’snot even his. (He mostly posts selfies and just random ass shit he seessdkjfgsdgsdfg)

A random object in their room. - Sonic the Hedgehog figure that he found on the floor outside a 7/11 backin 2015. It’s his now, you cannot take it back.

What do they like to eat? - My boy gotta stay healthy and eat those Greens™ but like,/.,,, he eatschocolate like is his fucking lifeblood or something, make him stop.

What kind of songs do they like? - My boy always goes for the emo bands, not because he’s sad, but becausethey fit his aesthetic.

KFC or McDonald’s? - McDonald’s but only because he likes the milkshakes, any other time heavoids fast-food.  

What is in their school bag? - Normal school shit + 8765345 hair ties.

The last video they just watched. - IDK probably a vine compilation, you ask him about vine and he’ll stillbe mad about it sjhdgvsfhfhg

Contact names for their friends. - All of them are normal except he adds a bunch of emoji’s at the end ofall their names. Oh and Fudou is just called Rat, he’s the only one with adifferent name, no reason, he’s just... Rat.

A Secret that their friends told them. - “Look man someone on the team is cishet, and like, I can’t say who it isbut we’re all still trying to figure out who it is.” (No one’s figured it outyet snfdhbgvjsfgsfghsfgh)

Did they ever have a weird dream? - Bitch??? Don’t we all???

Favourite drink. - Blood. (Kazemarus a basic bitch he always goes for water sjfhfghsfgh)

Do they have a part time job? - “Being a gamer is a job mum!!!!!!!!”

Emojis that they send to others. - He just uses the basic ass ones, like you know the normal ones, butsometimes he just ends his messages with 🔪 and no one knows why, you ask him and he’ll just shrug like the ominousbastard he is.

Quotes that they like. - Kazemaru lives by YOLO, it’s 2019 and he still lives by it, we need toget rid of this gremlin.

Tea to spill? - JHFDWGVJHSFDGSJHFSFGHSFGHSFHGHFGH

Their aesthetic? - Emo. What else did you think I was gonna say?

Any dreams/occupations in mind? - OK SO CALL ME A SILLY BITCH BUT LIKE I REALLY WANT KAZEMARU TO BECOME ATEACHER OF SOME KIND WHEN HE GROWS UP!!! LIKE NOT JUST A SOCCER COACH BUT ANACTUAL TEACHER OF SOME KIND, IT’S VERY SILLY OF ME BUT I FUCKING NEED THISLEVEL-5 PLEASE I NEED IT I-

What is their take on soccer? Do they love thesport or they are playing it for something else? What is their future forsoccer? - Kazemaru literally said one time that he plays soccer because “me likemy friends” so I’m pretty sure that if he ever decided to ditch all of them hewould give up on soccer, then again IDK if that’s my brain making up facts ornot, I can never tell anymore.

If they were given a contract in the near futurefor an International club like Real Madrid, Barcelona, Manchester United, howwould they react to the ordeal? - Pretty sure it’s canon that he does, but like, again if his friends didit then he would 100% join in, he’s just that kinda dude.

Did they ever did any other sport than soccer? Wouldthey excel in it? - My boy will forever be an eternal slave to track, my boy can run fast,he ain’t ever gonna give it up really, he takes up jogging and he runs in themiddle of the road and pisses everyone off.

What connections do they have with the other teammembers? Show with a gif. - I deadass don’t know how to respond to this one. This is what he’s likewith everyone.

Is soccer gonna be a hobby or a full time thing? - IDK man this meme was long and I’m tired.

[cnc-hoebayb]

Nos cae la noche y tu me abrazas..

I forgot to post this yesterday oops

Lol but here’s my little part for this cute collab @quisieracnco helped put together, so if y’all haven’t checked out her nye hc go check it out it’s perfect. Also i know that @cncohdamn already made a lil chris imagine for this too and it’s literally the cutest so go check that out babes!!

So here it goes, some mad cheesy stuff for your NYE 😘

**Y’all gotta read this shit while listening to the live version of Fiesta en Mi Casa- no exceptio ns!

.

You fiddle around with the straw in your drink as you sit backstage waiting. The dressing room was far, but the music was loud, giving you little goosebumps as you faintly hear the final song. You smile to yourself, feeling that some energy you had every time you heard that guitar riff.

The crowd goes crazy closer to the end and you cant hear anymore, something good must’ve happened. More screams and cheering is heard continuously, the song must have just ended. You gather your things quickly, knowing you were all gonna make a run for it as soon as they left the stage.

The performance was gonna be broadcasted through the city, it would be on every billboard and screen as the clock hit midnight. So you were prepared for when the boys stormed into the room, grabbing phones, jackets, and snacks before heading straight out into the cold city air.

You felt excited, waiting for that final moment of the year always left you with so much energy. And as you start to wonder if the butterflies in your stomach can get any faster, you’re caught off guard by a sudden hand on the small of your back.

You stare up into esos grandes ojos cafés and watch as they focus onto you. “Ya estás emocionada?” He asks and you nod with joy, “you already know it,” his hand still not moving from its place.

Chris wasn’t afraid to get close and be touchy with you, you thought; but this - this was different. Something off about this kind of touch. His hand had found a spot on the side of your waist, almost pulling you in possesively as you speed walked through the city.

Your thoughts must’ve shown through your expression because at that same moment, his cheeks flushed a little as he justified himself. “Parece que tienes frío....”

You smile and let him keep holding on. He guides you through the streets until you finally make it to a heavily crowded area in the middle of the block. There’s lights and screens illuminating the scene and it starts playing from the beginning of the prerecorded concert.

The boys all start cheering, hyping themselves up from the crowd. Richard and Erick are jumping and dancing, while Zabdiel and Joel are beatboxing over the beat of the song. You look up at Chris and he’s beaming, his eyes full of light.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” You nudge him with your shoulder. “It’s weird sometimes, but i like it yeah” he looks down at you and smiles one of those heartfelt ones you know he really means.

“Thanks for being here, by the way,” he looks at you sincerely, “you’ve helped us out a lot during tour too, i really appreciate all you do..”

“Aw Chris,” you respond shocked, not sure where the sudden sentiment came from. You had grown close with all the boys over the time span you’d worked with them, and it was easy. They accepted you not just because you were new, but because they genuinely liked spending time and having fun with you.

Chris would always find ways to remind you of that.

“I have a surprise for you..” he smirked and wiggled his brow, already back to his playful self. “Chris nooo,” you whined, “you know how impatient that makes me, you have to tell me noW!!” You jump up and down pulling at his arms, begging him to fess up.

“I’ll give you a hint,” he grounds you by placing a hand on your shoulder. “It’s something we’ve been working on lately.” You give him a mean look to express how much you hated that hint.

“Bro deadass what the fuck u mean,” you pout and he cackles like an idiot. “Guess you just gotta wait,” he turns away from you with a sly smile and watches the performance continue on the screen.

A few minutes pass and the set is almost over - meaning the year coming closer to an end as well. You watch as a few of the boys scope out the girls they’ve been eyeing to be their kiss. As they go up and work their flirty magic, touching hands to waists, whispering sweet nothings to these lucky girls.

“I’m surprised you’re not already out there with em,” you edge on Chris.

“Naw i already got my target planned out,” he says in a cocky tone and your heart drops a little. It wasn’t a secret your feelings for him had grown into something more than friendship. In your eyes he was perfect, everything was always so natural with him and you felt so comfortable, so how could you help yourself??

You nod solemnly and stare back at the screens, not wanting to make eye contact with him. The last song starts and your heart immediately skips a beat.

“Con tus caderas,

No necesitamos ni bombillos ni estrellas..”

A little smile creeps across your lips and you feel Chris look at you. “What is it about this song that even gets to you?” He laughs and questions. You shrug how you always did when someone asked you that.

“No sé, i just, me siento algo más de mi. Like I’m not even in my own body when i hear it, es como el cielo, like spiritual i guess.” He looks at you with his mouth wide open, defientely about to make fun of you.

“You sound like you’re high,” you nudge his shoulder and stick a tongue out. “I can’t believe you sing the damn song and don’t even get it.” You turn to him with a finger over your lips, “now shh i wanna listen,”

You close your eyes and feel the cold air against your skin, taking in every part of the music.

“Cuando estamos juntos el mundo se detiene..”

When you open your eyes back up you’re half expecting Chris to be gone, off to win over his notorious mystery girl for the night.

But your eyes flutter open and you’re shocked to see him standing there, closer than ever at your side. He hangs his arm over your shoulder and whispers “i think i know what you mean now, the way the song feels..” you nod with a smug look on your face.

He sways with you to the music and sings along when his part starts. You curl up into his arm, accepting it fully.

“Puedo ver planetas en el techooo” He sings to you playfully and you follow along.

“Hey that reminds me,” you start, “What the heck was everyone screaming about earlier, what did you guys do-“ he cuts you off with a hand on your mouth lightly.

“Shh, bebesita, that’s the surprise,” you lick his hand in retalliation and he wipes it off on your jacket.

Back up on the monitors you watch as the song breaks down to its last minute, the clock counting down as well. Your eyes light up as something new happens within the song. You scramble to look for Richard in the crowd as you hear it,

“Veremos lo que pasaa”

“ShiT!!” You scream and hit Chris’ arm. “You guys practiced, omg he did the high note,” he laughs and gently guides your head to look back up. “That’s not all,” he says and you’re lit up.

“Chris-“ you say unbelievably, “did you do it??” You refer to what you both knew what was about to happen. These little parts of the song were so new and so impactful, he had been too nervous to ever follow through live. His voice could do it easily, no doubt, it was just nerves holding back his full capacity sometimes.

He looks so excited and tries calming you down, “brooo just keep watching.”

You bounce to the breakdown of the beat and little bumps form on the surface of your skin - every time. The tension is in the air the closer it gets to what you’re expecting, and a mixture of the crowd around you counting down already.

“10

9

8”

The music goes,

“Seremos felices, eso dalo por hecho”

“5

4”

You grab onto Chris’ hand absentmindedly and he squeezes it back. His other hand instinctively grabbing onto the bottom of your jacket, slowly turning you to face him.

“Hay una fiesta en mi casaaaAaA”

“1..”

For some reason you feel tears swell up in your eyes. The essence of his voice continuing for what feels like forever. Every second of it resonates through your bones, in your blood, your soul, your whole being.

It’s everything you could want in this moment and you turn to Chris to say how proud you are of him and-

His lips crash to yours in a passionate mess. It’s an act of something that’s been building up too long, something that needed to be let go.

You give in to it, lost hopelessly under his spell. He’s soft and tender, everything you imagined this moment to be. You wrap your arms tightly around his torso and he holds your cheek.

It feels otherworldly, and you have no other motive than to make it last. The music rings through your head and everything becomes more magical. His lips press to yours in long intervals, each touch together has a million words behind it.

He tastes exactly how you imagined and you think that now you might be addicted. Slick lips part from each other and it feels like a movie scene.

Like you’re both in a little bubble that’s only meant for the two of you. Snow drizzles around the bubble and he holds you into his chest, rocking you as he sings lightly along..

“Nos cae la noche y tú me abrazas...”

The guitar feels like a lullaby while in his arms..

You smile and look back to him, humming along to his own harmony. You tip toe up and kiss him again, not wanting to ever stop. He giggles a little too humbly against you and you pull a strand of his hair to shut him up.

“Don’t ruin this,” you sass and he peppers your lips with soft fast smooches, holding your cheeks in his palms.

The music fades out from their perfect voices and nothing else matters. It’s just you, and Chris, and that perfect little bubble keeping everything stopped in time.

[softstraykidsimagines]

Boyfriend!Seungmin Stray Kids

ALRIGHTY

Our lovely fluffy Seungmin

He’s lowkey becoming bias wrecker for me whoops

Let’s get started!!

During when he has a crush on you

Ohhhh boy

He’s gonna be insanely shy

It’s adorable

He’ll try to do little things to make you happy

From complementing you

To buying you something small like a key chain

But it’s always something meaningful

Something that reminds you of him

Let’s not discard the fact that anytime he actually does something like this for you

He’s gonna sprint away before you can even thank him properly

And he’ll hide somewhere so that you can’t see or hear him squeal with joy

Ok it’s official I am soft for Seungmin

You don’t really have too much doubt about him liking you

You’ve picked up remarkably fast how shy he is with you compared to when he’s with the rest of SK 

And you figured he had an ulterior motive when he happened to just “think of you” and buy something

Or when he teases you but quickly apologises and tells you he doesn’t mean it 

He’s just not very subtle 

So you’re rather upfront with him one day when you ask

“Soooo, I’ve been wondering…. why have you been so sweet to me? With all the nice gifts and stuff?”

He would immediately go red in the face

His eyes would go wide

And he’d just stand there a moment with his mouth hanging open not knowing wtf to do

And you feel kinda bad tbh

No one likes being in such an awkward situation so the way you just asked him out-of-the-blue seemed almost cruel

He finally managed to stutter out

“W-well umm…. I k-kinda… sort o-of l-like you…?”

It deadass took him a whole 30sec to finish

And you’re doing an Irish jig on the inside cause

WOOT WOOT he likes you too!!

“I really like you too, Seungmin” you say quickly before he can run off in embarrassment

He looks at you hella confused like

The person he’s liked for so freaking long likes him back?? Or is he dreaming??? Whatishappeningrightnow????

SeungminHasStoppedWorking.jpg

So you tell him where you want to hang out in the future

And there we go you’ve successfully planned your first date woohoo!!

Dates with this bean are soft and laid back

Ice cream dates

Coffee dates

Just wandering-around-for-no-reason dates

It’s so relaxing

Of course until one of you holds the other’s hand

Then it’s skyrocketing heart rates

And pink cheeks

At the end of your 2nd or 3rd date, he’d finally muster the courage to kiss you....

On the cheek haha you thought 

As you’re saying goodbye

Leaving you flustered af as he runs away yelling that he’ll text you later

I don’t think he’ll have the guts to kiss you first tho 

It’s up to you my friend

You’ll be sitting on a bench somewhere, just talking

And he just

Randomly

Pokes your cheek.

And you look at him like wtf man why

And he just turns away grinning

So you get cheeky, planning on making this sudden burst of confidence melt faster than snow in the sun

So you swoop in and peck his cheek

He blushes like crazy but he refuses to let you win

So he looks at you a moment

With a slight smirk on his face

Seriously where did all this confidence come from he was a shy child a minute ago tf?

And he kisses you right on the nose

Needless to say that surprised you

And spur of the moment

You decide you’re gonna kiss him smack on the lips

His eyes are wide as all hell

But he relaxes a split second later, kissing you back softly

You both part smiling slightly

Before he whisper-screeches, hiding his face in his hands, all embarrassed

And you also blush like crazy, also fighting the urge to run away

GAH THIS IS SO CUTE 

When he introduces you to the rest of the group

Oh

My god

It’s gonna be chaos I swear

Everyone’s gonna welcome you politely and enthusiastically

And then they’ll start poking fun at Seungmin

“AWWWW they’re so lovely! How on earth did you get them to date you??” Says Jisung

“I bet he pays them” replies Minho, cackling

“Must have been a lot of money” chipped in Changbin, enjoying himself 

All the while Seungmin makes a face like ‘this is the shit I need to put up with all the time good lord’

“Come on guys! Of course y/n didn’t agree to this for money” yells Jeongin

Seungmin is about to thank him when he finishes:

“They obviously came to meet me through Hyung” and he sprints off at top speed with Seungmin hot on his heels screaming bloody murder

“Please take care of him, y/n” Chan says quietly while the other boys guffaw at the two youngest’s behavior. “He really likes you”

And that’s exactly what you do

You guys have got each others back

No matter what

Someone tries to offend you in any way, shape or form 

And he’s there in front of you like a human shield ready to fight 

If he gets sick you’re there as quick as a flash with everything he needs, all the way from cold remedies to recipes for hot soup

While you’re making sure he’s not burning up, he’ll just whisper

“Can I just cuddle you? I swear I won’t sneeze on you”

So you just lie there holding each other the entire day

He keeps his promise and doesn’t sneeze on you btw

When you’re sick, he’s not gonna know what the hell to do

Lost puppy 

He’ll run around trying to find the right meds for you (he’ll take the time to read each label to make sure it’s the right one)

He’ll try to make soup it doesn’t work

But after a while he’ll calm down and sit with you to watch something on TV

Apologising that he couldn’t make your fav meal 

Makes up for it by buying takeout 

Man I want takeout now :(

He can sometimes feel down about the day

Something might have happened at the fansign/performance, he might feel really tired and fed up with work

So it’s your job to be there and comfort him 

You just wrap your arms around him and sit with his head on your shoulder 

And he cries silently with you, grateful that you’re with him 

Guess who’s emo while writing this

Sometimes days can get bad enough that he starts to shut you out all-together 

Seungmin isn’t the direct type 

He isn’t gonna start an argument because he’s stressed 

He’s gonna avoid any kind of conflict 

So he avoids you, ignores you, refuses to talk to you when he’s too upset 

Because he doesn’t want to lash out and hurt you 

But he’ll notice when he does this that it actually does hurt you 

Almost more than an argument would 

Because you want to help 

And he won’t let you 

So he’ll eventually come to talk to you, his head bowed and eyes glimmering with tears 

And he’ll just hug you, asking for you to forgive how stupid he can be 

RIGHT back to fluff because I don’t want to cry rn 

He loves to teach you to sing his parts in every song 

He feels you can understand his work better and be closer to him 

You two will end up sometimes randomly singing his part in a song at the top of your lungs in the dorm, in turn pissing off the rest of the boys 

You’ll both have singing competitions: who can sing the highest, lowest, longest, or most dramatically 

And you both end up collapsing from laughing too hard 

He’s gonna try to speak English around you 

Just so he can practice 

Have you heard his awesome accent during ASC that is a yes from me I don’t want to forget that 

He might ask you for help but he’s mostly too stubborn and proud to so he’ll struggle for a while until you ask if he wants a helping hand 

“Hey, need help for the pronunciation, there?” 

“Nope! Nope it’s fine! I’m fine! Toooootally fine” :D 

You two like trying to learn new recipes to cook for the rest of SK 

It’s actually super fun 

And you both manage to make a few dishes without setting the dorms on fire *applause* 

And you make breakfast for them too: fried eggs! now I’m really hungry aw man 

And the boys are already teasing you talking about how you’re couple goals and how well you two go together 

Making the both of you sprint back into the kitchen, giggling like children

Seungmin is gonna ask you to meet his family first 

But it doesn’t scare you that much 

For a good reason:

He’s an angel, so he must have been raised by angels logic

You meet them and they melt when they see you 

You chat, they share pictures of Seungmin when he was little he’s gonna be close to crying from embarrassment because “COME ON YOU JUST MET” 

His sister adores you 

Tells you about the pranks she’s pulled on her poor bro in the past 

Which warrants a death glare from Seungmin 

All in all his fam are your fam because they love you as much as they love Seungmin 

He’s a lot A LOT more nervous about meeting your parents 

He’s pretty damn close to fainting when the day to meet up comes 

Pale as sheet istg 

So you gotta be there for him to cling onto like a baby koala 

Save this boy I beg of you

Nearly hides behind you when he first greets your parents 

Basically leaps out of his skin every time someone raises their voice even a little bit 

But he gets a little calmer after a while 

And starts to genuinely smile and laugh 

By the end of the day he’s a happy squish with no sign of nervousness

Success! 

In the evenings he likes to buy a crap-ton of snacks and sit with you to binge watch your fav show 

You two will probs have a competition to see who can catch the most food in their mouth sigh 

He loves when you poke his left cheek 

He’ll act cute with you if he’s asking for something 

And it’s so freaking hard to say no damn it!!

He’ll have a fucking heart attack if he sees you wearing one of his hoodies or denim jackets like how many does he actually have??

But he’ll love it 

He’s gonna grin from ear to ear saying how cute you look 

Will not let you go throughout the night

Just wants to cling to you and snuggle you to death the entire evening 

You’ve probs already guessed that he is definitely not gonna be the first one to say ‘I love you’ 

Nah he’s way to shy and lowkey scared to 

But I bet you’re gonna do it kinda by accident 

You guys have been having a dance competition 

He’s gonna be jumping around all energetic and happy 

Because he’s having the time of his life messing around with you 

And you’ll accidentally let slip: 

“You’re such a dork! This is why I love you so much” 

And both of you stop laughing and stare at each other 

While you’re mentally going OH SHIT WHAT HAVE I DONE 

But Seungmin suddenly screams like a little girl 

He can’t contain himself

Runs at you at full speed 

And tackles you into a bone-crushing hug 

Making you both topple over onto the floor laughing 

Without letting you go, he’s gonna say, all giddy “I love you too!!! I was scared to say it but I’m not anymore I do love youuuuuuu!!” 

And the rest of the day you’re both skipping around, making SK wonder wtf happened to the two of you

“Are they possessed or something?” -Hyunjin 

“Who even knows with those two” -Chan  

“Guess we’ll never know” -Felix, chuckling 

Half the time they don’t get at all what happens between you two lmao 

When Stray Kids are away, Seungmin’s gonna want to FaceTime you whenever he’s free 

He’s a pouty boy who misses you senseless and forgets how to function like a proper human being when you’re not around 

SK are having to tell him specifically what to do every other minute because he keeps daydreaming about when he gets to see you again smh 

He’s gonna be so.freakin.hyper on the way back from wherever the boys were 

No one wants to sit next to him on the plane because they know all he’s gonna want to do is talk about you 

And they get enough of that on a regular basis anyway 

But they’re happy at how energetic he is when they land and he can finally see you 

He’s gonna Naruto run to you and hug you so tightly whispering how much he missed you 

And you’ll be laughing like 

“It’s been two days, buddy” 

“Yeah but it feels like AGES! It’s been an eternity and I was going insane!!” 

Seungmin most likely won’t go public about your relationship until after a year to a year-and-a-half

Wants to make sure you’re 100% ok with it 

Because he knows there will be a bit probably a lot of drama on the net about you 

He’ll post a cute selfie of the two of you 

You’re both smiling happily 

And he’ll caption it: ‘Hey everyone!! This is y/n, we’ve been together for quite a while now, and I wanted to introduce you! I hope you welcome them warmly!’ 

The internet isn’t going to shut up about you for an eternity holy shit

The entire universe ships you two 

You’re the adorable smiley couple

That everyone 

And I mean everyone 

Loves to bits 

A/N: YAY! It was really fun to write about this adorable fluff ball :D 

Also, there aren’t NEARLY as many Seungmin GIFs as there should be!

Hope everyone has a lovely day!! And feel free to request anything! Ciao <3

P.S: I love this GIF so much it’s not even funny 

[starryseo]

youtuber!jisung

time for the best sunshine boiii

han jisung

Chan | Woojin | Minho | Changbin | Hyunjin | JISUNG | Felix | Seungmin | Jeongin

he’s such an all-rounder at such a young age??

god blessed this boi straight up

he also does parkour with changbin & felix 

so sometimes he’s in their vids

but when they’re not filming themselves skateboarding

he’s the camera dude

doesn’t like using the skateboard as much as he likes trying the flips and shit normally

he’s deffo their one-man-hype squad and personal cheerleader

literally made a cheer for them

here are my boys, you can call them changlix

they’re gonna rock this place with their bombass flips

it’s really!!! cringey!!!!! but that’s why he uses it

gotta embarrass his homebois ok

lemme talk about his instagram before his youtube real quick

it’s  a e s t h e t i c  af

like he’ll use the best filters and get the best angles

but he doesn’t do it on purpose???

he literally snaps a pic and it comes out looking so fineee

once you actually click on a pic though

his captions are crazy

usually just gibberish

and he hashtags the most random parts of his day

they usually dont even make sense

but whatever

he’s also always on the hunt for flowercrowns 

his profile pic just alternates between the different ones he has

he’s 1/2 of the flower boy line what can i say

ok onto the yt stuff:

he has so !!! many !!!! prank videos

and they’re hilarious

they’re not like the cliche ones that lots of people post

he tries being creative,,,,

by creative i mean extreme

chan still gets flashbacks man,,,

he’ll actually plan these pranks out for weeks on end

like, he is that devoted to the pranks, it’s admirable but also insane

his first prank he thinks was quite basic compared to his current pranks, but it was this:

he created this video montage of him going to changbin’s house while he was away

and stealing one of his caps (like taking one every week or so)

he did this over 2 months the boy’s got a lot of caps and changbin kept asking all the guys if he had left his cap at their place bc ?? it’s gone ??

the poor boy was so confused rip

for safe-keeping,,, jisung didn’t tell any of the guys about his prank,,,, 

the only people that knew were woojin and changbin’s mums

bc they always let jisung into the houses

evil mums i know but their acting was A* whenever their kids asked them

he hid the caps at the bottom of woojin’s cupboard

knowing woojin would probably never look there/ get smth from there considering jisung could barely bend down to hide the caps there

at one point jisung thought changbin had figured out it was him

so then jisung was like “ay come over to my house to chill” to throw him off his track

like?? why would jisung invite him over if he has the caps??

to make it more believable jisung was like “bro imma go to the store real quick, you can carry on playing, no one else is home”

that would give changbin time to look around and find nothing if he was still suspicious

to test if changbin would actually check, he pulled a Light Yagami

just after he grabbed his wallet from his room

he stuck a lil’ bit of paper in between the door and the door jamb

and he shut the door

so if the door was opened, the paper would fall out

he went to the shops, bought some sweets and drinks for them,,,, y’know took his sweet  [pUNS] time outside to let changbin look around more

he came back, put the snacks on the table and went back in to his room to put his wallet away aaaaaand,,,

lo and behold,,,,,

the paper had fallen onto the floor

the room looked just as he had left it

but he kneeeeeeeew

he left changbin with one final cap lmao

and then he was like okkkk prank over

he took all the caps back and, when changbin wasn’t at home, put them all in really bad hiding places

and then he waited until the next day to upload the whole video onto his youtube channel

he almost got caught one time

but it wasn’t in changbin’s house it was at woojin’s

he had hidden the cap (thankfully) and just as he was leaving woojin came in

and he’s like ??? i didn’t know you were coming over

and he was like oshitwhatdoido

but he quickly lied like “oh i lost one of my earrings so i was looking around the guys’ houses”

woojin was like 🤔🤔 but you haven’t been to my house in a few weeks

and jisung was like oshitoshitHEKNOWS

“oh i know, but i can’t remember when i lost it so i was just making sure”

“ahhh ok” woojinn looked like he believed him so he just got the heck outta there asap

and just as a precaution he went to a few of the other guys’ houses too and pretended to look around

just in case woojin spoke to one of the other guys

he then coincidentally ‘found’ his earring at home lmao

as i said, he’s devoted to making the prank work as best as possible

anywayssss, changbin watched jisung’s prank video as soon as it came out because ??? jisung never said anything about a prank?? how did he, of all people, manage to stay quiet about a prank?

and then,,,,, he realised,,,,,

and boIIIIII was changbin mad

he washed all of his caps bc god knows wHAT jisung might’ve done with them

and then r a n - my homeboi literally sprinted - to jisung’s house and tackled him as soon as he saw him

and jisung was literally choking on his laughter

like changbin is strangling him but he’s still laughing

he also set up cameras in the room, knowing changbin would come sometime soon

added that as a lil’ reaction clip in his next video lmfao

he’s also obviously part of the ‘00 line gamers

and he’s usually the one that starts all the twitch streams and that

he’ll screen record as well and send changbin or chan the stuff to put on their channel

he’s that one guy that literally fucks about during a match but will still get a beautiful k/d ratio & be at least top 3

he’s basically cyanide from zf but instead of a girlfriend he has minho

he also gives a lot of shoutouts on his channel and during his videos

like it can be the most random person like “shoutout to that kid in the park that joined my parkour cheer, you got a lot to learn from me but i like your moves”

has also done small giveaways

stole one of chan’s hoodies & was like thiiiiis close to selling it off to someone but chan managed to get it back just in time

he also does reaction videos to the other guys’ videos just to annoy them ;^)

like he’ll switch between going “oh yeahhh that was an amazing kill binnie(!)” to “WHOA YES DAMN!!! HYUNJIN YOU GOT SKILLZ MA BOIIIIII”

he’s literally everyone’s hype man and he’s always so positive

except when he tried doing a diss track against changbin

started it off all serious and halfway through he just ended up laughing and mocking everyone in the group before giving up

he’s also so !!!! g00d !!!!!! at singing

so sometimes he’ll just be gaming and then he’ll start singing

and it’s going all nice and his voice is being beautiful

and then it comes to a long note and he just goes AAAAAAAAH and starts screaming

1) he just killed such a beautiful song wtf

2) he didn’t mute the mic so everyone’s ears are dead wtf

so now whenever he starts singing everyone just mutes him until at least 5 mins pass

including jeongin lmao this boi aint having none of ur shit jisung

they all come back to hearing “dudes?? felix you there?? hyunjin help meeee!!! WHY ARE NONE OF YOU REPLYING TO ME?!?!?!?1!!?1!?”

and jeongin deadass said “we muted you duh”

and jisung was just like “bruh <\3 even you?”

jeongin: “i muted you as soon as the game began” #SavageMaknaeFTW

jisung’s like “well, at least minho didn’t mute me this whole time right??”

“...”

everyone diED and a couple of minutes later you just hear minho go “oh he’s finally stopped singing? that was quick”

jisung rage quite that day lmfao

so,,,,

although he makes everyone’s lives quite hectic and crazy

he’s always positive

and he’s always there for the guys

he knows when to be serious and when to have fun

and he always lets the guys know that despite the jokes and pranks, he’s got their backs and loves them very much

he’s the most open about saying he loves them the cutie <3333

this series is almost ending it’s like watching a child grow up istg im sad :(((

[herotheshiro]

so in abt 2017-18, i came across this manga called sneaky red by thanat. most of the 1st volume, translated, got posted online but i knew there was a continuation. while i don’t remember too much specifics abt my reaction to it then, i distinctly remember being affected by it and by that i mean ... liking it. i remember that i had the feeling of wanting to read the 2nd volume and even a year ago (almost the date!) on this very blog i noted that i “wanna read all of [their] works so bad” and at this point i had only ever read sneaky red so going off of that, i liked it apparently.

fast forward 2-3 years to tonight, where i finally forced myself to finish reading the series since the free month-long futekiya trial is ending soon. and well ... i thought i would be satisfied afterwards since i’ve wanted to finish reading this series for literal years but all i felt was ... disappointment. i’ve had the futekiya subscription for abt 1/2 a month already but i’ve been putting off reading sneaky red bc i mean i’ve read the 1st volume, i knew it was abt abuse pretty much and i wasn’t really into reading something so depressing (i had to reread the 1st volume in this read bc i legit have not touched the manga since whenever i read it last). and ... yeah it is a downer to read with little positive payoff. [putting under cut bc WOW this got long]

let’s get this straight, my perception of what this author is trying to do is this: two guys meet, one of them (A) has anger/emotion management issues and is quick to react with his fists and the other one (B) just so happens to get off at pain (...no further comment at this) ... which is coincidentally a “nice” set-up but A wants to turn over a new leaf bc eventually he feels bad whaling on B all the time ... except suddenly turning over a new leaf when you’ve been living and thinking a certain way for almost two entire decades is not that easy. which alright tl;dr, an abuser/someone quick to physical violence trying to reform. a rather heavy topic to tackle for your debut work ... and unfortunately i don’t think this author really succeeds in doing so. 1st volume was written in 2013 and is their debut work and it definitely feels like a new author work ... the story developments are kind of unclear at times and misaki (i think that was his name?) just accepting getting beaten up by a rando is just so incredibly sad to read bc like ... wtf? i cannot figure out how they came to love each other. i mean haru i can kind of see bc they kind of implied that misaki was one of the 1st ppl to have hope in him even though he himself felt like he was a lost cause, but misaki i just have no fucking idea what happened there. like lust turning into love? idk man falling in love from physical abuse frankly makes no fucking sense esp since it’s not even implied that misaki has low self-esteem or something that would make him accept this treatment. i legitimately would like to go back in time to meet me from 2-3 years and ask them what the fucking hell made me like this manga bc it’s messed up and the topics aren’t even handled that well! this is truly a manga that somehow depicts abuse as being shitty but also romanticizes it somehow?? even though i legit just read it a few hours ago i’m starting to mix up what happened in vol 1 and 2 so let’s just move on to vol 2 now.

vol 2 was definitely more put together in terms of story progression than vol 1 (i mean, being done 3 yrs later i would hope so). i did like it a bit more than vol 1 and there were some cute scenes bw misaki and haru but ... the scenes where misaki still went to see haru even after some seriously messed up scenes being like ‘i still love you’ ... really rubbed me the wrong way bc it kind of felt like a ‘you can heal abusive behavior through love’. i mean yes haru acknowledged his behavior and treatment of misaki was absolute shit and that he’d try to change, but also that ch where they kind of just substituted bdsm as a more socially acceptable way for haru to hit/hurt misaki during sex? BRO THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS !! i mean there were some scenes that felt realistic (misaki instinctively defending himself when haru raised his hand) but at the same time it also felt like the author didn’t really know what they were doing. like i get it, haru is supposed to be a nice person who just so happens to react badly to things but ... these kinds of things you kind of legit need professional help for. simply learning to depend more on friends/SOs, completely cutting out your toxic fam from your life... that kind of stuff is not really enough to help you heal. i mean this is a japanese manga, and ik east asian culture has ... thoughts on mental health care but the way the story was presented just didn’t feel realistic at all. yes they did show haru struggling to hold his emotions in check, i did like the scenes where haru was in his own head and saw his brother berating him for his behavior, and i do appreciate they didn’t merely just 180 change his personality and pretend it was easy to change for the better but ... idk. i just simply did not enjoy reading this story and about this relationship, i felt like their issues never really got resolved or are moving in a more constructive direction. i mean i guess this happens irl (bc ppl do stay in abusive relationships despite how bad it gets) but like i just had no fucking idea what misaki even saw in haru in the first place which sounds mean to haru but it’s true ?? like you gotta be attracted to SOMETHING first right, is it just bc he’s nice sometimes (this is worrying bc i’m someone who is weak to ppl simply being nice to me but also bruh if someone is beating my ass idk if i can be attracted to that) ?? it legit at times reminded me of bj alex which is an extremely unfortunate comparison in my book and you know what i just remembered that misaki was attracted to haru partly bc of his looks so uh yeah the comparison holds up.

i don’t even know if i can say i’m glad i read through these 2 volumes of sneaky red. apparently a 3rd volume is getting published next month and i’m like WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT ?? i saw a graphic of the side pairing (story covered in motion emotion) on the back cover which i got a lil excited abt bc i am intrigued by that pairing but like ... what else is there to talk abt re: sneaky red’s pairing. they’ve gotten together, they’re growing up and dealing with adult worries (jobs), and they’re moving in a more “positive” direction with their relationship (i.e., haru is opening up more to misaki) while attempting to hurdle the lingering issue of haru’s abuse -- what else is there to cover ... i think this artist really likes this couple which like makes sense for them since they’re their first published OCs but it’s prob just gonna be more senseless writing. the translated caption was like ‘the sequel of the famous debut work is here!’ and i’m like sneaky red is popular? this very unclearly written thing? but then again ppl liked k!lling st@alking and some of harada’s works that are OUT THERE are popular so i guess the fetish for abuse/hurt is strong ...

i didn’t really say anything coherent in this post bc deadass i don’t even remember what the fuck i read even though i read this manga like mere hrs ago which goes to show how much of an impact the story had on me (hint none). abuser stories are usually pretty hit or miss stories i feel, although tbh i don’t think i’ve ever read a hit story because the abuse is usually romanticized or somehow resolved without any issue which is frankly unrealistic and kind of dangerous to be telling people. i admit i don’t have personal experience with abuse (thankfully) so i guess i can’t really say stuff abt how realistic it is or not but ... just very disappointed with the story. i am still struggling to figure out what i liked abt this manga so much back then. i do like the art style a lot bc it’s unique compared to what you see in other BLs but the author’s writing is just very unclear sometimes ... it’s definitely improved since 2013 but ... hah. it was not really an enjoyable read. i legit wanted to stop reading at times but i’ve wanted to finish it for so long so i pushed on ... maybe i should reread so i can more definitively say what exactly i disliked but i don’t wanna read this again.

[jungnoir]

college boyfriend!minhyuk;

man have ya’ll ever met a human puppy cause this!! ^^^ is it

for the boyfriend!minhyuk request~

literally everything screams boyfriend to me about minhyuk

try and tell me he wouldn’t be the sweetest thing since peach cobbler (i sound so texan when i say that)

okay, okay, okay, so minhyuk, this angel is an RA

at first his friends were kind of like??? RA? minhyuk?

it’s not that minhyuk is bad with people it’s just,,, most people think he’s bad with,,, rules,,, and the enforcement of them

minhyuk is extremely friendly all the time, but sometimes he sees students blatantly breaking some rules

usually a short scolding will at least get them to keep their shit to themselves, so he doesn’t obsess over the small things

like he’s such a sweetie pie and most people think that they can do whatever they want and walk all over him

and most people do tbh!!!! they don’t care about the curfew or how many times they lose their key or anything

most students in the building think “oh lol i ain’t gotta worry, the RA is lee minhyuk. what’s the worst he can do? pout???”

which, btw, is what minhyuk initially does

but one guy whose really been pushing it for the last month comes in wayyyyyy past curfew all smug and minhyuk is literally like “!! excuse me, i’m gonna have to write you up for that”

and the guy laughs and pats minhyuk’s shoulder all patronizingly like “hehe whatever bro i wasn’t that late, just let it slide”

and then the guy tries to walk off

and minhyuk grabs the kid by the back of his hoodie and reels him back in

the guy is about to protest but minhyuk smiles this huge smile

not like his usual… like it’s actually pretty unsettling

“i said, i’m going to have to write you up. would you like me to mention the situation from last week? i distinctly remember catching you with a bag of something… hm, idk… green? didn’t look legal to me”

the guy visibly gulps and starts shaking his head back and forth really fast

and minhyuk release the guy finally and puts on his usual charming smile and pats the guy’s back excessively hard, shooting him a wink, “try to make it on time next time, hm?”

when the guy mentions this to other residents in the building, those little instances start to reduce to almost none

because most people thought that oh!! minhyuk is my friend, if he sees me doing something i shouldn’t he won’t be a hard ass about it right?? he’s never mentioned it before”

but minhyuk def keeps a record of wrongs in his building, and he always has some sort of ammo against someone if they get too out of hand

which is lowkey scary to his friends but also highkey cool as hell

his friend, jooheon, once told minhyuk that he would make a great undercover agent or something with how great he is at keeping things concealed and minhyuk just deadpans “how do you know i’m not one?” and minhyuk is that good that jooheon is actually stunned into silence until minhyuk starts giggling like man i’m just fucking with ya

minhyuk just really does his job well, keeps a good rein on all of the more troublesome students living in his building, and is not a force to be reckoned with

all wrapped up in a cute little bow of tall and cute 🎀

and then you move in

you don’t really know too many people on campus and you’re not aware of the notoriety of your RA

all you really care about is getting some rest and unwinding

you’re so tired from the long drive from your home to your new dorm that when you set the last box outside of your dorm, you drop to the floor in a heap and curl up against the box, telling yourself you’re only going to take a quick nap

your eyes shut and suddenly it’s half an hour later and someone is shaking you awake

you’re super disoriented at first, having just had the best, restful sleep in days

and it gets ripped away from you like that?? rude

you’re about to curse out the blurry figure before you when the person comes into view

there’s this dark haired beauty kneeling between your legs, one hand on the wall beside your head and the other holding your shoulder

he’s wearing the school’s sweatshirt in a blindingly yellow color and his dark ripped skinny jeans stretch and writhe around his long, skinny legs as he crouches this way and that to examine you

his tufts of brown hair resemble bedhead but it suits him

suits him so well in fact that you’re not even aware you’ve been staring this whole time until he’s like “is the dorm hallway comfier than your new bed?”

you don’t realize that you’ve got drool on the side of your mouth or that you look absolutely freakin’ out of it while he laughs at your distant and sleepy expression

carefully, he takes the sleeve of his hoodie and wipes your mouth with it, shocking you into sitting up straight

you instinctively shove his hand back but he just looks at you super confused like??? i’m?? help you??? chill?

“who are you?” you demand, voice groggy from disuse but clear enough for him to hear

“your new RA!!” he grins, his shiny teeth glinting in the setting sunlight from the hallway’s window

your eyes shoot open and you quickly push him away, scrambling to wipe at your face and eyes in embarrassment

of course you’d fall asleep in a hallway and have to be woken up by a cute RA

no less while you’re drooling

“h-how long have i been out?”

he shrugs, shoving his hands into the kangaroo pocket at the front of his hoodie, “dunno. a resident came to get me a few minutes ago, claiming there was a girl passed out in front of her dorm door. you made quite an impression on your new roommate by the way”

internally, you’re punching yourself in the face but you manage to steel your expression into one of nonchalant understanding, as if pretending the situation wasn’t as embarrassing as it was would help you

“well, you should get inside and take a proper nap. need any help setting up?” he asks suddenly, twisting his torso this way and that with his lip between his teeth

and wow, i mean, wow, he’s really cute

probably way too cute to be humanly possible

you quickly reject his offer, hiking the box off the ground and into your hands with a smile “nah, i’ve got this… uh, thanks for not writing me up on my first day, by the way. i shouldn’t have fallen asleep, but i just-” “happens to the best of us. you seemed pretty tired so i’ll give you a break” he smiles softly, winking at you

your eyes shoot wide out of slight shock in reaction to his wink but then you melt into a fit of giggles, turning to go inside your dorm, before the cute RA calls out “I’m minhyuk, by the way!” on his way back down the hall

“(y/n)! nice meeting you!” you say, watching him wave and wave and wave, walking backwards until he eventually bumps into the wall at the end of the hallway and has to take a turn, his cheeks lighting up in a warm red before he leaves

when you get the door open to your dorm, you see your new roommate splayed on the bed upside down, her phone in hand as she types away without much thought

it’s only when you set the box down on the bed that she looks up, and her eyes widen completely

“oh my god!! what are you doing here?”

you’re like??? i’m your roommate??

but then she’s like “you fell asleep in the hallway and the RA caught you. i’m surprised you’re even still here”

“why? it was an accident?”

she rolls her eyes at you, falling back onto the mattress of her bed with a dramatic sigh, “yeah, but didn’t he write you up? or threaten you? or your family? don’t tell me he threatened your family”

“he just said that i should get some rest, is all. why would an RA threaten me over something like that”

she gives you this wide-eyed look that literally borders on crazy, “i’ve heard things. people say he’s the warden from hell”

you literally have to ask if she’s talking about the same person that you’re thinking of; the tall cutie with the sunny yellow sweatshirt similar to his disposition

but this girl is deadass convinced that minhyuk is secretly evil and that you probably weren’t really let off the hook after all

you try not to let her words get to you, but deep down you feel something so unsettling about the whole thing

not even toward minhyuk!!! you just feel like there’s more to the equation than your given variables

but you brush it off and actually introduce yourselves to each other and as you settle in for the first night, your mind is swimming with all the things you have headed for you tomorrow, though all of that takes a backseat to the mysterious RA that your roommate had warned you of

for the next few weeks, you see minhyuk in passing often

he’s always seen greeting students and asking about their lives in detail, like he’s pretty much best friends with everyone in the building

he’s just so open and friendly and excitable and it’s crazy to think your roommate is so convinced he’s a “warden from hell”

minhyuk even takes the time out to sit down and talk with you when he sees you at lunch, or asks if living there is any fun or if you have any concerns

he seems to really care about the residents and their wellbeing

in fact, had your roommate never said anything, you probably would’ve never assumed that there was anything particularly different about minhyuk

but you happen to be around one night when something goes wrong

you had trailed into the building after a few exhausting hours of studying in the library and you were fully prepared to sink into bed to rest and just forget the day

when you walk out onto your floor, you can instantly hear loud thumping music coming from somewhere and you internally groan, knowing it would probably be a long night, but you hold hope that minhyuk would diffuse whatever party was being held soon so you could actually fall asleep

however, when you round the corner to where the music is coming from (even worse, it’s coming from the hall your dorm is in), you see minhyuk being shoved against the wall by a group of guys, all looking too drunk out of their minds to realize the severity of physically threatening their RA

you throw caution to the wind and run in front of the guys, catching their surprise, which you use to your advantage

“are you guys insane? do you want to get kicked off campus because of this? possibly even expelled?”

then one of the guys is like “he was being a fucking killjoy, as usual”

“it’s his job. it’s damn near eleven at night and i don’t know about you guys, but other residents in this building have exams all next week. if he doesn’t shut it down, someone else will, and not as nicely” you defend, the tiredness from your day weighing in on you as you glare at the boys

most of them look irritated still, but when they realize you have a point, they grumble and back off, walking back into their dorm to settle down their party

when the door shuts, you look over to minhyuk

his back is leaned against the wall, his eyes shut with a heavy sigh, “thank you” he mumbles

“of course, they looked like they were gonna beat the shit out of you for doing your job!” you shove his shoulder a little, frowning at his complete lack of emotion

but minhyuk just shrugs, forcing a smile, “i’ve caught them doing shit like this a bunch of times, this is nothing new. no matter what i do, i look like the bad guy to them”

your roommate’s words resurface in your mind again, and you decide that you won’t leave tonight until minhyuk explains himself, so you take him by the wrist and start dragging him with you toward the lounge, his eyes narrowing when you lead him into the elevator

he’s about to ask what this is all about when you nudge him with your arm, “i’m gonna buy us some snacks, and then you’re gonna tell me why people call you the warden from hell”

and it’s really strange to him bc like?? you’re the first person to ever really want to hear him out about why he does what he does on his job?

like he kind of expects people to misinterpret what kind of person he is by word of mouth from the assholes who intentionally make his job harder

and if anyone sees him getting pushed around or talked down to they usually assume that it’s his fault and he’s just being a hard ass

but you buy him his favorite snacks and you sit down with him in the lounge and just allow him to let it all out, and he doesn’t realize how good it is to talk to someone and be heard

i mean his friends do it for him too, but even they sometimes think that minhyuk is just too enthusiastic about the job and can sometimes go overboard

but you understand him in a different way, and he’s thankful for that

“i’ve always been the class clown and the guy that was always super nice and did everything everybody expected of him, so when i got offered the job, i was excited. most people did what they were supposed to do, and if anyone even slightly slipped up, i let it slide. then, i guess, people got the wrong idea and assumed that they could walk all over me. so i stopped being so lenient and i stood up for myself, but as you can see, that doesn’t always go as planned”

as minhyuk tells you, you notice he doesn’t look you in the eye once, his hands fiddling with his green tea or fixing and re-fixing his fringe

“i never really found the middle ground, you know? where i could be nice, friendly, lovable minhyuk and where i could stop people from taking advantage of that. i don’t know… how do you find that balance?” he asks

“well… first of all, not everyone is going to like you. know that much is true, especially in your position. there are going to be days when no one likes you, and if you don’t like that, you should probably quit but… that’s life, minhyuk. you can’t quit life. you’re always going to find that bunch of assholes that take you for granted and push you to your limits. you just need that one person in your corner who will pick you back up when you get pushed down”

“do you have someone like that?” minhyuk tilts his head to the side, eyes wide and curious as you giggle “yeah, my best friend. do you have best friends?”

“i have six. they’re all insane” he says, but his words are betrayed by the wide smile on his face, full of fond and warmness, and you smile with him

minhyuk and you end up talking for a little longer, about his friends and how minhyuk’s doing in his classes while juggling his job

then, suddenly, something comes to mind

“ah, minhyuk? when you didn’t write me up for sleeping in the hallway… why did you do that?”

minhyuk blinks at you like it’s obvious, “because you seemed like a nice person who had a tough day. and because i thought you were really pretty, but i can’t really admit that because i’m supposed to be objective on my job”

you kinda freeze when he says this, the hand that was clutching your candy bar suddenly closing in and crushing the snack in between your fingers, but minhyuk doesn’t even look

he just… smirks

the lil shit

“we should head to bed soon, can’t very well write myself up, can i?”

he ends up walking you back up to your dorm and you’re happy to notice that the party from before has since died and cleaned out, so you can finally get some rest

as soon as he turns the corner to go to bed himself, you slink against the door to your dorm and heave a loud, wistful sigh, your mind replaying the scene of minhyuk smiling at you, cheeks bright and calling you pretty, his raspy voice letting your name roll off his tongue in an undeniably attractive way

your hands are still sticky from squishing your candy bar, and all you can think of is the rush and jolt of something you haven’t felt in a while coursing through you once more

your cheeks start to burn as you look down at your hands, contemplating if what you were feeling was actually what you were feeling

then you hear a soft whistle from the other end of the hallway, and when you look up, minhyuk is there, eyes glittering with mischief “you have two minutes before curfew”

you quickly scramble up and grab your doorknob, shooting a squeaky and hurried goodnight his way before slipping into your dorm none too gracefully, the look of playfulness on minhyuk’s face teasing you well until you finally get to bed

and well, after that, you become subject to some… suspicion

minhyuk doesn’t change how he greets you by much, at least in your eyes, but to everyone else there seems to be a hidden meaning behind it

your friends notice that minhyuk is a bit more touchy when with you, or that he might look over at you and instantly smile when he sees you

it’s small, barely noticeable things that he does and you think that he’s just being a friend, but your friends beg to differ

“did you see the way he looked at you? like the universe is in your eyes?” “he’s totally gonna ask you out” “what’s his sign again? i think you guys are compatible”

minhyuk’s lips could turn up like 0.000000004332992 degrees and they’ll be like !!!! see!!!!! obviously you two are hooking up!!!

and it’s not that you don’t like it!! it’s just that omg your friends are so embarrassing

it’s gotten to the point that if you’re with friends and you see minhyuk, you have to run in the opposite direction because you just know they’re going to find a way to push you two together and you will not have it. over your dead, embarrassed body

your friends are always like!!! ohHHH LEE MINHYUK??? THE RA??? THE CUTE ONE THAT YOU-

your friends nearly get whiplash with how hard you yank them around the corner

and minhyuk startles at the sound of his name and sees you naruto running with your friends being dragged along, watching with a tiny amused smile before he moves onto his next class, not really thinking too much of it

for a while, this works for you. as long as he caught you when you were alone, you’d be safe

but your friends are nothing compared to his friends

one just so happens to be good friends with yours :))

you’ve only seen him hang around your group a few times, and your friends referred to him as the supermodel in training, but you knew him by the name shin hoseok

you knew he was on a dance team for your school, along with a few other guys that all looked way too beautiful to all go to your school at once

hoseok was quite the looker himself but you would Not Admit that to his face

but anywho!! your friends are talking when the subject of minhyuk comes up bc hoseok knows him and they’ve been buds for a few years

well, one friend spills to him that they think minhyuk is into you, so hoseok is immediately like 

blackmail 😈

he offers to investigate for them and asks for a few subtle facts about you as well

hoseok starts out pretty timid, doing stuff like spelling out the first few letters of your name to see if minhyuk would perk up, or describing your figure to minhyuk when talking about some new girl he’s on

hoseok would be describing exactly how you look and minhyuk would perk up and his eyebrows would start to furrow and his mouth would turn into a lil pout

and then hoseok would be like “oh!!! yeah, i remember her name. she went to middle school with us” and minhyuk’s shoulders would fall and he’d let out a tiny breath and mumble that he’s listening and hoseok will be like jackpot :))

then hoseok will be sitting with minhyuk in the quad eating lunch and hoseok will point somewhere vaguely and scream “(y/n)???!!?”

and minhyuk whips around so fast it’s not even funny

then hoseok scratches his head when minhyuk glares at him and tries to play all sheepish

he, of course, relays all of this to your friends, who have also been secretly investigating you too

in the end, it’s pretty clear that you guys are cute, you guys are single, and you guys are checking each other out... so.... why aren’t y’all dating

hoseok decides to split up to find minhyuk and your friends split up to find you, both with one mission: get one (1) of you to confess before the other does

your friends go to you, 100% expecting a fight or something so they’re prepared to like restrain you and everything until they actually get to you

you’re sitting at your desk, neck deep in a psychology research paper and about three empty plastic cups drained of iced coffee to the side and without looking up you’re just like “yeh i like him, so what?”

“then why are you always running away from him when he comes around?” “i’m running away because of you guys, not him. you’re like a group of over-excited soccer moms when i get around a guy i like”

and your friends are like oh ok yeah that makes sense

but also!! they got a confession!

they then tell you that they have intel from an insider (which you end up making them spill that it’s hoseok) that minhyuk likes you back, and if you confessed to him first then they’d win the bet- i mean, y’all would finally be together :))))

they continue to ramble for what feels like an hour, listing off all the good reasons why you should do it, and maybe it’s because you’re super spent from writing your paper or maybe because you can hear minhyuk’s loud voice through the walls, but you end up jumping up and going to the front door, your friends trailing along like little ducklings

as soon as you spot minhyuk, your breath stifles in your throat, but you force yourself to exhale and inhale, exhale and inhale

bc if minhyuk didn’t make it weird, it’d be fine right?

he’s currently waving goodbye to one of the dorm residents when he sees you, and his expression lightens up immediately

he even jogs halfway to get to you, looking all the more excited to speak to you now that you weren’t running away from him again

“hey! i haven’t been able to really speak to you in a while-” “minhyuk, i like you”

minhyuk.jpg

cannot compute

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the boy is so shocked that he doesn’t even move for what feels like an eternity

your hands are sweating at your sides and you try your best to discreetly wipe them off on your jeans, hoping that he wouldn’t notice how nervous you actually were behind your steely facade

you’re about to crack a joke that this is the quietest you’ve ever seen the boy when he takes a step back, whispering a soft “...no” and disappears down the hall

you’re not really sure how long you stand there, but when your friends get their hands on you, you realize that the throbbing in your chest is no longer from a fast beating heart, but from a rather cracked one

you want to ask him why “no”, why he couldn’t consider you, why he had run off so quickly

you want to be mad at your friends for lying to you to get you to confess, and you want to slink back into your bed and hide away for a while, at least to recover from such a harsh rejection

but your friends are furious

“that asshole told us minhyuk liked you! i swear, we weren’t lying to you” one of them says to you, rubbing your back to comfort you, while another is clenching her fists, looking like she’s ready to fight

and then, she’s bolting around the corner after minhyuk

when you realize what she intends to do, you immediately break away from your friends to catch her, hoping to keep the damage of minhyuk’s rejection to a minimal

cause it’s not like minhyuk was obligated to like you in the first place right? if he didn’t feel anything for you, it wasn’t his fault

you catch sight of your friend when you turn the corner, but almost as quickly, you see minhyuk... and... hoseok?

hoseok looks absolutely furious, and minhyuk looks completely distressed to say the least

your friend freezes and backs up with you, the both of you tuning your ears in to hear exactly what was going on

“...what do you mean you said no? i literally told her friends you liked her!”

you quietly prepare yourself for what minhyuk might say next, maybe something about how he was only nice to you because he felt bad for you or something that would put you into even more of a rut-

“i do like her! but i’ve been planning my confession for like two weeks now and i nearly had everything set and then she just comes up to me and confesses and what am i supposed to say?? i panicked! i was going to take her hiking and set out a picnic at the top of a cliff and we’d watch the sunset together and i even asked my mom how i should confess but she was no help cause the last time she confessed to someone was way back in the 1800′s and-” “minhyuk-” “-i know turning her down probably wasn’t the best idea in response to her saying what i’ve wanted her to say since i fell for her but i told you i panicked! you know i start hiccuping when i panic! it’d be worse if she had seen me go into a hiccuping fit, how would i recover from that? i’d probably hiccup so much i’d accidentally swallow a fly and choke and then die and oh my god how would she even sleep after the guy she confessed to died right in front of her? i’d be a ghost haunting this school for the rest of my damned afterlife because i choked on a fly in front of the girl i-”

“you like me too?” you whisper, catching the boys’ attention

minhyuk’s face is suddenly beet red, and his eyes nearly blow out of their sockets when he sees you

he’s all fumbling legs and clumsy steps as he attempts to run over to you, looking so completely apologetic and torn up that he can’t even look you in the eye

“i do, i’m just an idiot who panicked! i’m sorry if i hurt you, i really truly didn’t mean to” he says, voice strained with worry

you were going to watch his face, check for sincerity, but you believed the little monologue he’d given a few moments before had been all the sincerity you needed

“can this panicky idiot make up for it with that picnic date he called his mom about?” you ask, a small smile growing on your face

minhyuk lets out a rough exhale of air, looking so relieved that you weren’t turned off by his mistake, so much so that he tugs you into a hug, catching you completely off guard as he squeezes around your torso, muttering a plethora of apologies, no matter how many times you tell him it’s alright

but minhyuk finally does end up taking you on that picnic date, only it’s a little more impromptu

and minhyuk didn’t get to make those dumplings you always go crazy about :((( he made extra sure to get the exact recipe for you too

but you’re fine with your chips and boba teas and you just sit out in the cool air, drinking in the sky and talking about anything and everything

he shyly reaches for your hand at some point, and you hold it back, looking over at him ignoring your gaze, biting his lip to fight the crazy smile that takes over his face

now, dating minhyuk is easy

first of all, he is The Cutest

even though he’s a bit older, he’s used to having younger friends, so he tends to be loweky like a dad

he’ll always ask if you need help with any homework, and if you want a study buddy

if you’re studying particularly hard one week, you’ll leave the door unlocked and he’ll come in, leave your favorite snacks on the desk, kiss your temple and tell you he’s rooting for you before leaving

and even though you might be too busy to really say much back, it always leaves a warm feeling in your heart to know he cares so much

he sometimes abuses his power as RA to be a good boyfriend

he’ll claim he’s just making some early morning rounds but really he’s running to your dorm and banging on it really hard bc he just knows you slept in again for your one early morning class

or he’ll let you know when that annoying guy from down the hall that always asks for your notes is lurking outside your dorm door, and try to get the guy to go away so you can get back before the guy sees

on his nights off, you two will grab lots of unhealthy food and chill in his dorm room, watching anime or playing video games

you always make him clean up his room before you come and even though he complains, he does it

bc the one time you came over and he didn’t clean you tripped on what you thought was a dead rat and nearly got a concussion

he shoves everything under the bed but you don’t need to know that

there was an attempt

since people know you and minhyuk are dating (i mean the boy practically flaunts it tbh), they sometimes try to sucker up to you so that you can get minhyuk to let them off on some things 

or they’ll try to get you to berate minhyuk if they think he seems like a tyrant that day

but you’re able to see through it all and you know when minhyuk needs to be kept in check and when he can afford to be a bit lenient

and if anyone tries to give him shit, they have to go through you

minhyuk may be a peacemaker but you certainly are not

you once threatened a basketball player within an inch of his life if he ever tried to put his hands on minhyuk bc the guy couldn’t keep his loud music down for once

it was a sight to see, this gigantic 6 foot basketball player cowering at the sight of you, minhyuk’s soft lover

he always gets 😍😍😍 whenever you get violent :D

minhyuk is KING of kisses okay

he will kiss you everywhere, in every place, at any time, with zero embarrassment

like boy will grab you by the waist while you’re eating lunch and place a big kiss on your cheek, or if you’re being particularly distracting that day he’ll lead you off to a random janitor’s closet and this is pg-13 you nasties

nvm that ok some details,,,,

minhyuk is definitely voical

as a kisser or... other :)

he’s always groaning, growling, hissing, whining

his whines are pretty delicious when you leave hickies on his neck

his lips get wet and his pants blow your hair out of your face and his fingers grip and squeeze at your hips and he bucks into you like he’s going to burst

but anywho!

minhyuk can get jealous but he doesn’t really like to

like he’ll get pouty and a lil :((( at best

sometimes, if he notices someone is being really touchy on you and you’re not cool with it he might :)) have a word :) with them :)))

if you don’t have a word :) with them first lmao

but he knows his boundaries, and he knows what is and isn’t right when it comes to dating you

he tries his very best to be the best supportive and loving bf you could ask for, and he works super hard so that he never lets you down

bc you make him proud, and you make him want to be the best he can be

bc when he looks at you, he sees a future

and he doesn’t know what kind of future or what it really entails but he knows that he wants it, whatever it is, with you