#DONT WORRY I'M GOING TO SLEEP NOW | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deoidesign · 4 months

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#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

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crabsnpersimmons · 2 days

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After seeing how flirty the chef is I’m reminded of a certain Katy Perry song..

👀

well

i guess it's a good time to share my Eclipse playlist (head's up for some Explicit songs)

and spoiler: it's all flirty 🥰

bonus: i finally decided on Eclipse's voice claim: Ashe

#ask the crab #Have You Eaten? AU #Eclipse Have You Eaten? AU #it's still kinda a WIP #and there are some other songs i've left out for now #for spoiler reasons #they'll appear in the B-side dont worry!#i feel the need to highlight some of my favourite(?) lyrics #“i could eat that girl for lunch” LUNCH - Billie Eilish #“I could be the one or your new addiction” HOT TO GO - Chappell Roan #“I'm no good good at lip service except when they're yours mi amor” Irresistible - Fall Out Boy #(in a whispered tone) “open wide. have a bite. make it mine. all the time.” Super Bowl - Stray Kids #“Sugar I've developed a taste for you now” Sugar - Sleep Token #i'm still working on Sun and Moon's playlists and a playlist for the entire AU

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cosmicsnufkin · 8 months

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for the record if you ever see me reblogging from a zionist or terf or anyone spewing anything racist or antisemitic or ableist, please just let me know i'm tired of finding out half a year too late

#i dont have the time or energy to fucking go through every single persons blog to make sure i dont reblog from some creep #i've been following this one blog for a while now and rly liking some of their posts about gender and stuff like that #and haven't seen anything suspicious #and now while looking up someone else i saw a post where someone was like #'if i see you reblogging from x or x i immediately distrust you bc they're zionists'#which like ok if you think i know that much about everyone i follow on this social fucking media site it's not like its in their bios #and if they've never reblogged or said anything like it! how the hell are you supposed to know!!#like yeah obvs i unfollowed them now #but god the righteousness #i should be asleep and i'm so pissed that i'm still up bc of this bullshit #for the record this is about genderkoolaid (and vaspider) apparently being zionists #i saw some posts that definitely seemed to point to that being correct #i did also see some that seemed to point to the contrary #but honestly im just gonna unfollow (+block) and avoid #if it turns out not to be true that wont hurt them and now i dont need to worry about it #god i just wanna sleep #ignore me

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jasmancer · 3 months

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god this fucking sucks.

#thinking that things were ok and safe COVID wise and then having the rug pulled out from under me I mean.#when I say I wish I never stopped masking I mean it for practical reasons too but a huge factor for me has also just been the psychological #distress of thinking things were safe and having that freedom followed by the gut punch of how abysmal the reality of COVID is!!!#we were never safe the freedom was false and now I'm trying to protect myself and others and nobody in my life will do the same for me #and I know I've had 1-2 infections and the compounding damage is high risk for me and the brain damage makes me so upset #bc my brain is already really bad and terrible and frustrating to live with and I cant handle it getting worse I cant #I just want to live and be a person and not have to worry about this and compromise my bodily safety bc I dont have anywhere to go where #the ppl I would cohabitate with would even CONSIDER being covid conscious and masking up like even a little bit #and I cant get too upset bc weve been lied to and traumatized and its really really hard to counteract that. bc im doing it rn and it #fucking SUCKS and i want to feel safe again so bad but I know that would be a lie #the absolute kindest and most understanding ppl around me are still treating this like its my personal problem. like ok when YOU feel safe #this is not a live and let live situation fuck!!! fuck you!!!!!#ok. gonna cry and try to sleep #it speaks

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arcadequeerz · 8 months

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Oh mind electric we're really in it now.

#Cade.Txts #i think about tht song all the time.#when they say: Someone help me / Understand what's Going on Inside my Mind! / Doctor I can't tell if I'm Not Me!#I felt tht shit #like man.................me too.#idk tht bit of lyrics has always kinda hit me hard specifically.#Anyways how is everyone doin. sorry I don't ;ost much anymore.#I am posting on my stimblog mostly now BHINJGFDNI if u wanan see stimboards check it out.#im doing a series of stimboards on my favorite pokemon #so far got two boards out already d:)#Wanna keep working on it but i should also make gifs of stuff.#been kind of stressed by shit lately thts unrelated. worried about bigfoot.#he's been acting weird lately. real sluggish n tired. his teeth are bad- n we need to take him to get them checked #but it cost like. 600 to just get a few teeth taken from our dog frankie.#s o. -slides stimboard commission post on my stimblog- /nf #dont like advertising it. feels weird making things for money but if he does need teeyh removed #idk any other way i could make money for it.#hes just got me worried. he's a old man- even tho i always forget he is-#thinking about losing him scares me. am probably rly over thinking shit- he's old course he sleeps n lays around a lot.#but im stil worried.#ANYWHO. stimboard grind 24/7

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bnuyy · 1 year

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🪼. .

#ignore ignore im just talking dont worry about me scroll away #but for me #i think worse than feeling ugly is feeling genuinely stupid #i mean feeling ugly is also not feeling very nice right now of course #but still #i feel like i have to try like 40% harder than other people just to understand certain things #i shouldnt have to retake several classes more than once it's wasteful and foolish and proves i am not meant to be here #im glad i realized now at least i shouldnt go to medical school it would kill me #it's not even just school conversations with people are lost on me so often i feel like i cant keep up with people #and i joke about it with friends and family that i'm a little slow and can't manage a lot of adult responsibilities #but this is really what i think makes me feel unlovable and useless #i feel like i have to constantly fake being smarter than i am #and its silly but i think about how im so attracted to men and characters that are super smart and sharp and i feed into my silly fantasies #and then realize they wouldnt ever give me another glance after more than an hour of conversation #i try really hard but it always seems to fall short idk #gosh my period is always just pulling up my deepest and most painful insecurities before she makes her appearance huh ghjfhkl😭#lord i need to go to sleep i bet when i wake up ill have forgotten ever typing this and feel completely fine 💗

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yousaytomato · 2 years

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Trying my hardest not to be anxious and sad about things that have already happened and that I can't do anything about now. But How

#woes of emily #work shit. which wasn't entirely my fault but was my fault enough and :(#like. if a customer is mad at me i dont care but when a colleague is it makes me sad and anxious and i hate it #and just. the way she dealt with me was bad idk #like she was like. i wouldn't have done that. you shouldn't do that. you should have noticed that #if you'd said i would have helped #like I'm still so new if im doing something wrong just tell me!! just step in!! just help #like now i can't even defend myself #and now I'm worried even though its probably fine #like either in a month i will have forgotten all about it #or. it'll be a big thing and I'll be fired from my job so <3 #maybe not actually fired but. it could be bad #but also. more likely. literally it will be fine forever idk :/#it's just been a long week and I've felt like crying all afternoon #and i met up with my friend which was nice but now I'm two stupidly expensive cocktails deep #also also. i got a text saying that basically I'm no longer going to be registered with a gp practice #but thinking about doctor/medical stuff literally makes me want to kms sooooooooooooooo. not helping #sorry. feeling emotions and they're going here #need sleep. more than anything

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theygender · 2 years

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Me @ my pets: why do you get separation anxiety and destroy things when we go on a trip, can you please just be normal?

My gf: *goes on a trip and leaves me home alone for a few days*

Me: ...

Me: ah.

#methinks it is time to chew the walls in my enclosure #rambling #im very bad at sleeping alone and i dont even know how many nights shes gonna be gone :(#if she told me before then i forgot it but last night i tried to ask her and she just jokingly said she was never coming back #but then didnt give me the actual answer afterwards #i texted her this morning to ask but shes been so busy setting up her show that she hasnt had time to respond ig :(#i have class in less than five hours but I've been up this whole time stress cleaning 😭#i wish i could have someone over but my qpp has her sun this week and has to get up to take him to preschool and go to work really early #like the same time in usually falling asleep #and my other qpp and friends live two hours away :(#i just don't like being alone at night my brain gets bad :(#before my gf moved in with me i would have sleepovers with my friends as often as possible specially because of that #it made me feel safe and distracted me from the bad thoughts and helped me sleep better #there was a while where my qpp was staying the night with me literally almost every night #i haven't had to worry about sleeping alone for the past 3+ years that my gf and i have lived together #maybe i SHOULD chew wires to cope #edit: there are so many typos but I'm not retyping all of those tags im too tired for this #I'm gonna try to go to sleep now

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nowendil · 2 years

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it's 3 am and i woke up because my dog had another coughing fit (it wasnt even that bad but i have been so worried about her it woke me up anyway despite the fact that we sleep on different floors of the house) and she's fine for the time being it was just one cough and i helped her get a better sleeping position but I'm just so worried so worried so worried i feel physically ill. the new meds are helping but i feel like not enough and the vet said we only have one more med option if this one doesnt help and i know all of these only treat the syptoms because the thing that's wrong cant be dealt with and i know many dogs lead happy lives with this same condition but. but she's old. she's old but she's so happy and lively otherwise and the cough has been better after we started the meds maybe this is just a bad night and it was just one coughing fit but what if it's getting worse what if she chokes during the night and i sleep through it what if i dont and i just cant do anything what if she dies and it's my fault. i'm so worried

#cw negative #cw rant #cw animal death #dont reblog #nowe talks #sorry for all this i just needed to get it out and i dont want to sent this to anyone bcs nobody deserves to wake up to this shit asdfghjkl #she had a cough yesterday morning too and i spent all day just sitting next to her obsessing over her breathing #but i cant do that now because she sleeps downstairs with my parents...i'm just. so worried. worried fucking sick #ok now i'm going to blow my nose and stop crying and go squat in the kitchen to see of i can hear her breathing from there #so i can keep watch without waking up my parents #sorry about being so mentally ill about this it's the mental illness #edit: went to check on her she wasnt on the better sleeping position anymore which worries me but she was asleep and breathing okay.#but now it's really windy outside and i'm afraid the noise will cover up any possible further coughing from her.#though tbf every noise i hear kind of sounds like distant coughing to my ears anyway atm #i'm. worried #also feeling a bit like an asshole for word vomiting like this...especially because there really isnt anything anyone can do unfortunately #this cant be fixed just managed (both my dog's trachea and my anxiety about it)

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thistlekiss · 4 months

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Fucking exhausted from my grocery shop today and dad drops that all the fuckin work i did clearing shit on monday/tuesday that he SAID needed to be done "as soon as possible" aka THAT DAY when i was ALREADY SUPER FATIGUED is FUCKINGGGGG USELESSSSSSS

i am. Pure rage.

#my fatigue has been so fucking bad my health is getting worse my POTS is getting worse i've had such bad side effects of this fuckin meds #i could have fuckin used the energy i WASTED on that fuckin cleaning #I'D FEEL LESS SHITTY TODAY IF I HADNT DONE THAT SHIT #MY SLEEP CYCLE WOULDNT BE SO FUCKRD #i am trying not to have a melt/shutdown and i am trying not to cry with pure frustration #if you dont want to fuckin clean it say that dont fuckin indirectly blame me #christ i cant keep up with life what the fuck am i supposed to do #welp shutdown incoming ha ha #not only that but being proud of myself for smth and then having the rug yanked out from under me is a huge trigger #so not only was i already burned out snd exhausted i'm now massively triggered bc that thing i was somewhat proud of #has proved to be a massive waste of time and effort and energy and it's like having that achievement torn away from me #awesome. great. fuck i wish i had some weed #honestly i should have asked to go into the psych ward in june instead of july. sigh.#gonna be not-funny funny when my psych asks how im doing and i get to tell her between the last appt and admittance i've struggled with #active suicidal feelings ~3+ times ha ha #and then no doubt someone will say “at least you didnt attempt” yeah well thats only bc i'm scared of failing and being more disabled #the second i'm too distraught to worry abt that it's fuckin over for me bitches #anyway i would like to die in my sleep #maybe i stop the blood pressure meds and hope for a heart attack

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florida3exclamationpoints · 5 months

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My mom just came in my room right after I got home to be like how did it go???? What happened???? When are you going back?? How do you feel??? Are you ok???? What are your hours???? What did they say??? And I know she means well but

#and she gets upset at me when i don't wanna talk #IM SORRY but I've been anxious about this for 3 days #the actual thing took an hour +#I had no idea what to expect going in #even tho my mom was convinced i had already gotten the job (i hadn't)#(i tried to tell her why i was unsure and she was like well im sure you got it!! but i didn't know and i HADNT YET)#YES ive been stressed about not having a job but now im stressed about HAVING a job!!!!#i want to forget it exists before i have to do things!!!!#its like she. doest understand how i cope with things #but ive explained it #and then she intrudes while im coping and gets upset at me getting upset #and talking about it while I'm trying to decompress makes me 50000x more anxious #and then she gets worried about how anxious i am #and then she thinks she needs to check on me more bc my anxiety is worse #but then i dont have a chance to decompress so the anxiety doesn't get better #and i tell her this and shes like i just wanna make sure you're ok #but shes making me less ok!!!!#just now when she came to talk about this she knocked. and actually kinda waited for an answer for once #and i didn't answer. bc i didn't wanna talk #so she COMES IN ANYWAY!!!!!!!#she knew i was in my room. she knew i wasn't sleeping bc i just got home. she just wanted to ask about it #while SHES ALSO WORKING!!!! AND DOESN'T HAVE THE TIME!!!!#idk if i didn't answer the knock on my door doesn't that suggest i dont want to talk???????#and she would say she wants to make sure im ok. which i can't argue with ig. but ive been in the house for 5 minutes #i didn't have time to kill myself. respectfully.#and ive TOLD HER i dont like to talk right after #my mental health is not at a point where i cant be trusted alone in a room for an hour and it NEVER has been #i KNOW shes my mom and she worries and she wants to take care of me i GET IT. but GODDDD!!!!!#anyway.#tw suicide mention

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boyslugs · 6 months

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i am SO annoyed at my city rn... there is no way to report that you've found a lost pet after business hours unless it's injured, and even the non-emergency police line goes to voicemail. i had to leave a cat that was WAY too friendly to just be a stray on the street, because it had no collar, no visible ear tattoo, but like. the fact that it let me pick it up to check its ears for tattoos without getting mad at me? that's someone's pet! i made a pending post in the local group of the neighborhood i'm staying in about it, but because i'm catsitting i can't bring some random cat back overnight until the spca line opens again. i'm so worried about it but i really can't do anything with no identifying information and no injury. i could get up early tomorrow to go see if i can find it during daylight and hopefully report it to the spca properly, but the chances of it still being in this area are slim because cats wander, especially at night as rodents come out. i still might anyways, but man. i hate that there's no after-hours non-emergency lines for cases like this.

#tegan rambles #i'm not gonna sleep well tonight i just feel so bad for that kitty #if i knew anyone with a car that didnt already have a cat i would absolutely be calling them to see if they can come pick it up and keep it #at least overnight #it was right by a busy street too...#if it were a side street i would be less worried because then yeah probs just an outdoor kitty #but like. its not that close to residences.#i dont even know how i would go about finding it again if i got up tomorrow morning and wanted to look for it #like cats can go so far in such a short amount of time it could be anywhere #even if i got out of my pjs now and tried to find it again i dont know if i could #and like. i could see if theres a travel mug in this place and chug a couple coffees and just follow it all night until the spca line opens #but thats insane and i need sleep #if it had any identification i would be considering that #but like i said no collar no tattoos #so it genuinely could have just been a really friendly stray #but the fact it let me pick it up.....#like it didn't try to scratch me or bite or anything #thats what sticks out to me

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time-teller · 9 months

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Vent in tags! Im sorry mutuals!!

#vent #it's probably a combination of 5am thought + no sleep + winter but #going through the same crisis of 'im too white and not hispanic enough'#sometimes i feel like i've been whitewashed for growing up here and consuming media that more often than not places emphasis on white chara #cters and that i've internalized part of that and havent realized #doesnt help how my mom is with certain people :grimacing:#unrelated but sometimes i also feel weird about how im so used to liking what my friends like and becoming more invested in that media #an example being souls games. but when i try to show them stuff that i like they dont vibe with it as much #and then i feel like a clown. and ik everyone's entitled to their opinion blah blah etc. but it feels a bit discouraging if i'm always part #icipating in people i care about's interests but them not doing the same w me.#rambling now but i dont want to listen to people arm chair diagnosing strangers on the internet however #sometimes i worry about being narcissistic or just being too full of myself and 'me me me'#imposter syndrom or whatever but i feel like im putting up a front and people dont really get that i can be really selfish #but i dont want to sound like a bad person bc im trying to work on it but self improvement is hard #i hate winter. summer has enough daylight for me to not fall into these thought loops

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t-lostinworlds · 9 months

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~

#its like 4:30 am and im so tired #i know u shouldn't trust ur thoughts at this hour #but i can't sleep so my mind is all over the place #but gosh what'd i do to not get so anxious about financial stuff #its mainly on school stuff which sucks #bc i dont understand why education has to be so expensive #and like i shouldn't feel guilty of wanting to have a comfortable living space for my mental health #bc in my head im thinking i should just sacrifice the security and comfort #just so i can put more of my salary to my tuition #but like #i'm just adding more stress at the point #bc at least at my place now i can cook #which helps save so much money compared to always ordering out #not a lot of /affordable/ places even allow me ppl to cook #what more if im sharing just a room with someone else #and if i do find a roommate what if its just going to affect me mentally if their horrible???#i shouldn't feel like i'm a bad person #or im not managing my money right #just bc i want my own space where i can focus on school #without having to worry about my physicalsecurity and mental health #sorry but i just needed to rant #i was just feeling so anxious about it all of a sudden #just needed to let that out #i know im going to try and find other ways #i just felt hopeless for a moment #and what'd u know typing this out helped #me using tumblr as a journal at 4am #who would've thought lol

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xxlelaxx · 11 months

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I feel like the worst mom ever and I've only been at this for a day.

#ignore me #i feel asleep twice while holding her ive struggling so hard to find good breast feeding positions and i just took four hours to calm #her down enough so she would sleep and no matter what i tried it didnt work #I'm so self conscious and worried about everything and i am so hungry and still sore and exhausted from birtj #my husband is doing so much and doing so well and i feel like a wreck #i havent slept in days and honestly doubt i will now #everytime i look at her i dont think i deserve hee #he keeps telling me that i was amazing and that he will never tolerate anyone ever making slight jabs at women being the “weaker” gender #which he didnt tolerate before that anyways bit he just keeps going off about how amazing i was and how strong and how much he appreciates #and i just can't cause now i wont be able to help again and i know so many women who did all of this alone and they did it so much better #than i did #she started crying again #i ate four pieces of sushi #and went to the toilet #but at least she didnt wake her dad #that man has been so sleep deprived I'm starting to get worried #this is the first night in five nights where he has slept for more zhan two hours #this also is her first night sleeping in her own bed and i think h #she is swallowing too much air cause i cant get a hold of breast feeding #this must be a horrible first day alive

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spade-club · 11 months

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Aaaaa. Its raining today so getting out of bed is super hard. This is not a good development for my body as ive reached "need to get a job immediately or else I lose my appartment" status bc damn. I'm hella unreliable because of my back and I dont want to have to push through this all the time. Just experiencing it at home is hard enough. I wish I knew what to do...

#Aaaaaa #having a day #probs MJ or something idrk #just having a melty blurry one today because existing is hard #I'm in my room rn tho and it reminds me of my room from my parents house because it has all the same things in it & set up so similarly now #and im just watching youtube videos about videogames #but im in the future now where I have to worry about rent & utilities & credit card debt #& car insurance ew ugh. too much to worry about financially!! and all I want is to like. not feel unstable about multiple of my basic needs #shelter. food. sleep. all really fucking difficult to juggle rn #I should look into like a rideshare or delivery job... I just dont know which ones are actually good? I guess I know ppl. i can ask around #nvm just remembered an old coworker telling me about one they did and how well it was going!! looking into it now maybe!#excited by the idea of getting a couple extra dollars for driving around!#even tho sitting in my car for too long hurts me too. its not as bad and I really enjoy driving #& I can just do it now... yeah?#okay hold on this was a big revelation!! excited now!!

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