#Draco being an angsty teen

[cassiopeiasdaughter]

To not leave Draco Malfoy out of this celebration, maybe an angsty fic with the prompt “Don’t leave me”?

Draco Malfoy x fem!reader

A/N:I've always wanted to write something in this format, thank you for the inspiration and the request 🤍 Draco Malfoy masterlist & celebrate my academic hardships

Warning: mentions of war and everything related to it

The five times Draco Malfoy needed you away from him and the one he was desperate to keep you close.

First Year; you found him with Hermione, you were both looking for Nevilles toad, asking around the students if they’d seen one.

He gave you a snobby look ,as you entered the room he was in, taking in your form. After introducing himself to you two and learning you were both Muggleborn he said “Leave us, we haven’t seen a toad.”, snickering with his friends- and driving you mad with the need to hex his pointy face out of the window.

Third Year; your interactions as the years went on, had gone from a quick sneer at the hallways, to insults and yelling after quidditch practice- and especially games- specifically the ones where he lost.

That wouldn’t happen that day, though, because Draco was determined to win. He had been practicing for this game for weeks, exhausting himself in the quidditch field.

The image of him rubbing it in your annoying face that he had won and you had lost, was the only motivation he needed.

He was confident, so confident that before the game he walked up to you, way too cocky and said “Good day to lose, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know Malfoy, you tell me.”,you replied smirking 

This was usual for you, teasing and taunting before matches. That, turned into a silent challenge between you two.

Who could fly the fastest? Who could impress the crowd more? You fueled eachother; your relationship was an endless competition. 

And secretly you both loved it.

In the midst of the game, he found you alone looking over the field, deeply focused on the game.

He doesn’t understand what frivolous thought resulted in him flying up to you; just for a few seconds, he said to himself.

“Go away, Malfoy, I am trying to focus.”

“Save yourself some trouble, maybe relax your forehead before you get wrinkles, and accept your defeat.”, he said with a smug face

“Stop buzzing around me like a fly, go spin around some more over there, will you?”, you said clearly annoyed and he laughed at that.

Before he could get the chance to reply, he noticed a strange movement behind you. He wrinked his eyes, trying to get a better look and realized it was a bludger coming straight to you- and you the complete idiot you were, were staring at the opposite direction.

He supposes there are many other things he could have done that day. He could just warn you, scream at you even. He could fly away and mind his business- focus on winning the game.

But if the bludger hit you, who would he make fun of, then? 

That, and only that, is why, he flew infront of you, with the bludger hitting him in the ribs- causing him to fall several feet to the ground.

As he laid in complete darkness, with a piercing pain in his chest, he thought he heard screaming and then your voice; you were okay, he could rest now.

He woke up to the sound of whispers, and pages turning. The room smelled of clean sheets and he felt cold. He shivered and opened his eyes groaning.

“Sleeping beauty is awake.”, he heard Blaise and before he could open his mouth, he felt Pansy rush to his side, grabbing his hand.

“Are you completely mad?”, she asked furious “What were you thinking, you-”

“Let him be, Pans, you can scold him once he is out of here.”, Theo interrupted her “How are you feeling mate?”

“M’fine, I feel stiff- and thirsty.”, Draco replied slowly, batting his eyes- preventing them from closing again.

His three friends looked at eachother, as if speaking silently, plotting together-specifically something only he wasn’t supposed to know.. 

“What?” He asked annoyed “We lost. Is the team mad? Just say it.”, he said between groans- moving his body to stand a little straighter- look stronger.

“Uhhh-”, muttered Theo

“We’ll get you some water.”, interrupted Blaise

“The three of you? Where are you getting it from exactly, the Lake?”, he replied annoyed at his friends- and himself for getting himself into this mess.

Pansy groaned impatiently and rolled her eyes at him “You have a visitor, see you later.”

With that, she walked out of the room- followed by Blaise and Theo, both smiling at him, the first mischievously and the latter sympathetically- holding his book in his arms.

He groaned then and threw his head back- staring into the empty ceiling, that looked as depressing, as his actions. Honestly, what was he thinking? He blew everything up, wasted so many hours of work and practice; in just one single second-

“Hi.”, he heard your voice, soft and gentle. He couldn’t recall, the last time you looked at him, without a sneer or a scowl. With your mouth relaxed and your eyes gentle.

“No need to gloat, I am not in the mood, right now.” You scoff at that, “I came here to thank you, you impossible twat.”

He smirks, at your words, and how natural it feels to hear them from your mouth. He gives you a knowing look; slightly amused.

“Sorry.”, you mumble 

“Thank you for what you did there.”, you said and sat at the bed, next to his body, your hands almost touching.

“Uh- it’s not like I could have gone anywhere else.”

“You could have stayed still, it would have hit me, not you.”

“And you’d have fallen on me, we’d both end up here. Honestly, I did it to save myself from your voice, annoying me even here. It’s more peaceful this way.”

“Oh, Malfoy, shut up.”, you said trying not to look amused “We both know Pomfrey can’t stand your whining, I heard she’s considering resigning.”, you continued, fake whispering with a face that makes him laugh even now, remembering it.

He sees his friends enter, and quickly snaps back to reality. You are his competitor, the person he wants to show off to- they are his friends, the ones who want to see him do well, they care about him- not you.

And he cares about them, certainly not about you.

“You’re giving me a headache, go away, please.”, he said and noticed how your eyes saddened slowly.

Your face returned to its usual look, eyebrows raised, mouth slightly turned and hands crossed in front of you. 

“Ah- right, bye.”

And with that you left, leaving him with his best friends, who loved him and protected him from everything harmful.

But then again, why couldn’t he stop the throbbing in his head, every time he thought, of you leaving?

Fourth Year; he was perfect. His robes looked great on him, he knew the dances well- after all the training he had had through the years- and he’d gone with Pansy, who he trusted.

Then, why couldn’t he have fun? 

It was your presence surely- it drove him mad. You were dancing around with your friends- missing steps and then laughing at yourself. You were clumsy and graceless and laughed with your mouth open.

All the manners he had learnt to obey, were nowhere to be found when it came to you.

But then, why couldn’t he take his eyes off of you? 

“Excuse me for a moment, Pans.”, his mouth muttered despite his protests not to

His feet carried him to you, he begged them to stop- turn around and insult Potter or the Weasel, don’t go to her, not her. But they had a mind of their own and he cursed as he bumped into you.

You turned around and stared at him with a surprised look on your face “Malfoy.” ,you said confused and scanned his body with your eyes, your gaze lingering at his face before lightly shaking your head “Something wrong with your eyes?”

He didn’t answer though, not as he was taking in your form; your dress and how its color complimented you perfectly. Your hair loose, with strands falling across your face like a waterfall.

Your skin glowing as the colored light fell on it; making you look like you didn’t belong in this world, but in the fairytales he would read as a child.

He couldn’t breathe, maybe you’d thrown something in his drink- you’d love to ridicule him at the Ball, the whole school would talk about it- then again, maybe these thoughts had always been there, found shelter in a dark place in his mind he didn’t want to acknowledge. 

“Draco, are you alright?”, your voice worried then and his name falling from your lips felt like a spell shot directly at his chest.

“Ah-”, the sound of music cut him off and the image of his classmates pairing up and dancing, drove him to eventually ask “Dance with me?” 

And the moment you said yes and held his hands; a fire inside him started. It warmed parts of his soul that had never seen the sun, they were cold and dying, but your light healed them. 

Your moves were seamless and your hold was gentle. You let him guide you, with trust he secretly wished could last.

You could not help but giggle as he swirled you two around and the sound of your voice was contagious, the smile on your lips something he wanted to memorize.  

As the dance progressed you two moved closer; his hand was holding you tighter and your eyes were curious, as if you yearned for more.

And as your face tipped forward and your lips parted slowly- he felt a strange and unwanted force dragging him back to reality.

To his reality, the one filled with your differences and his friends and family. The reality that wasn’t the fairytale you two belonged in.

He pulled back, causing you to lose your balance slightly and almost fall on him. You looked betrayed and embarrassed, like a wounded animal showing trust, begging for help only to receive the opposite.

He didn’t say anything to you, as he exited the big room, and he didn’t acknowledge his friends who looked at him with a puzzled face. The only thing on his mind was how much he needed to get away from you.

Sixth year; the room was spinning. There were bandages all over his body and a sharp pain on his limbs. It was incredible how he had managed to end up in the infirmary again.

He remembered Potters face, filled with hatred and betrayal as he cast the unforgivable, directly at him. It brought him shame, how not even Potter could believe he would join the Death Eaters, it was low even for him.

He felt shame and fear, It’s not my fault he wanted to scream, I didn’t choose this, he needed to let everyone know- but he was too scared of everything that would follow.

Myrtles screams and cries were ringing in his ears “Please stop”, he whispered with his eyes closed- tears falling down his cheeks.

“Stop what?”, he heard your voice ask, hoarse as if you were crying and he cursed himself then.

His mind played cruel tricks on him. Not only did he see you in his dreams every night but now he could also hear you in his wake. He couldn’t protect you in his dreams; the Dark Lord used you against him- made him do things that he wouldn’t even imagine prior to this summer.

And after doing everything the Dark Lord asked of him, he would see you die in front of him.

His cries grew stronger, but a hand strongly closing on his stopped him. He tried to open his eyes and turn his head, “Does it hurt? Do you want me to call Pomfrey?”, you asked scared with swollen eyes and dark circles under them.

“No.” He whispered quietly and felt your grip on his hand and your thumb tracing the skin there.

Your eyes landed on the inside of his sleeve, where the Dark Mark still lies and you looked at him with sorrow in your eyes. “I am sorry.”, you said and let tears fall.

He wishes he could have been strong and push them away, but more than that he wishes he would had prevented them in the first place.

However, you were neither his lover or his friend, so he had no place wishing any of the two. 

“What are you doing here?”, he turned his head- staring at the cold empty ceiling, once again.

“I heard what happened, Draco-”, you stopped, didn’t know how to continued- what to say.

“Why are you here?” , his voice was angry now “I don’t need your pity, after all those years, how can you still not understand that? You are supposed to hate me.”

“Well I don’t. I-”, care about you, you almost confessed- but he couldn’t let you.

“Leave! Leave me alone.”, he said closing his eyes and forcefully removing his hand from your grasp.

And, sadly you did. But not for long.

You returned that same night, with books and notes in your arms and a look of determination on your face.

You placed everything on his nightstand and sat at the same place as earlier. 

“You have missed too many classes, you need to catch up. Come on.”

He stared at you confused and tired, so so tired of handling everything by himself, of protecting his family and everyone he loved. And he was so tired from convincing himself that lowering his walls and letting you in would result in his distraction. 

Because at that moment, the only thing that had managed to offer him relief from the ache in his chest was you.

“I am sorry.”, he said ashamed.

“It is fine.” You replied sincerely and then shook your head lightly “Charms, page 431, chapter 18.”

It shouldn’t have been this easy for him to fall in love with you. You helped him with schoolwork and then with adjusting to normality again. You teased him, like before, but the look on your face now and the gleam of your eyes were completely different. 

You would talk outside of class and quidditch practice. He would often meet you, to study together and talk about your days.

And the most important, at night, after proving his loyalty to the darkness he was forced into, he’d run to you. You would remain silent, on top of the astronomy tower, thinking about the future and the past; of all the actions and choices that led him up there, with you. 

“I am sorry.”, he said one night, turning his head to look at you

“What for?” ,you asked back     

“I don’t know, for being a jerk? For treating you terribly?”, he let out a deep sigh before continuing “For everything I guess.”

“We both treated echother shitty. We are fine now, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, I suppose we are.”

“Just.” You started “Be careful, with them, I know you say you have everything under control, but be careful.”

“Why- why do you care? You shouldn’t care.”, he said amused and annoyed by how you would open your heart for anyone to find shelter in, even him.

“Because I want to, that’s is why.”, you held his hand and turned your head to look at the stars in contrast to the night sky- lighting up the darkness.

June 30th 1997;he wished he hadn’t grown closer to you, that day. Dumbledore was dead, and the Death Eaters were coming, the castle was in danger and there was nothing he could do about it.

As he ran down the halls, begging his mind to focus and not panic at the madness around him, he kept wishing you were safe.

He found you, looking around scared- terrified. And as your gazes locked you ran into eachother.

“Go away! Leave!”, he said, but despite his words, his hold on you grew stronger.

“What about you, I can’t leave you.”, you shouted back

And he knew you meant that, but he couldn’t come with you, couldn’t put you in any more danger; that was his excuse for what he did next. 

His hand moved to your face and he grabbed you; smashing your lips on his. You kiss was filled with longing and years filled of your pushing and pulling. Your dance around eachother.

It was filled with his gratitude for you, for being the safety he longed for, while nothing in his life was safe or stable. He kissed you for being his friend, when he had to distance himself from his- to protect them.

But, he also kissed you, because if he were to die in the moments to follow, the selfish- twisted parts of him wanted to at least have known how you tasted, how your lips felts against his, and how your body would mould against his.

You parted, your lungs aching for oxygen and he said again, in a gentler voice “Leave.”

And you did.

May 2nd 1998; he is tired. He doesn’t know how long he has been running for, screaming; your name the only sound falling from his lips.

His vision is blurry from the dust, the building around him slowly collapsing; his home for the past seven years will soon be nothing but a ruin.

And the thought of you buried under it, stops his breathing as he picks up the pace and runs faster.

“Draco?”, he hears his name being called, the voice entirely familiar. 

He turns around and sees you, with your hands around your waist and ashes all over your face.

He doesn’t have to think twice to sprint to you, not caring who he bumps into or if a spell hits him right there in the chest- not if it means that the last thing he'll see is you, alive.

He crushes you in his arms and breathes in deep, your scent hovering over him and his hands around you, shielding you from the battle.

He wishes you two could stay like this forever, he should apparate you both somewhere far away from this hell, somewhere where he could protect you, keep you safe, and show you how much you mean to him, how much he lov-

The voice you let out, filled with pain and regret crushes all his dreams and he pulls back in an instant.

“Are you hurt? Where does it hurt?” He instructs and uncrosses your arms from your body, to reveal blood all over your clothes.

You give him a tired look and his scared eyes beg you to stay close to him, but your body is weak and you fall to the floor taking him with you.

He lifts your shirt carefully and gasps when he sees your wound, bloody and open, your body emptying, losing blood dangerously fast. 

“It’s okay.”, you whisper “It is going to be okay.” You smile weakly 

“No, no, no.”, he repeats unable to accept what’s happening.

His hands are stained with your blood, leaving your face crimson-red and sticky as he cradles it for dear life- as if his hold on you will keep you alive.

“Don’t leave me.”, he begs “Please.”,and he leans in your hand, caressing his cheek lovingly, as he cries.

Only when your touch loosens and your hand slips to the floor does he stop to let out a haunting scream.

I love you, he meant to say, “I love you.”, he says now, wishing you could hear it.

sorry for any mistakes; comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated 🩶

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

The monster that lives inside of my chest.

There’s a monster that lives inside of my chest. I don’t notice it often. It lives in the shadows, In the hidden spots. Lurking, creeping, hiding. In the spaces between and apart, It has made a home for itself.

There’s a monster that lives inside of my chest, And every day it grows a little bit bolder. It leaves its marks upon my heart, Deadly claws dug into my soul. It makes me scream and cry and beg, Gasping for every breath, Wondering when I’ll see it again.

There’s a monster that lives inside of my chest, And it’s overtaking all of me. I feel it growing from within Taking and taking and taking. I try to fight it but it’s so very strong; I try to refute it but it always wins. I don’t know how much longer I can resist.

There’s a monster that lives inside of my chest, And it has outgrown its home. To find more space it consumes more of me. Parts of myself once sacred, now lost, To the monster from within. My friends refuse to talk to me now. They don’t like the monster I’ve become.

There’s a monster that lives inside of my chest, Except it doesn’t live inside anymore. It’s made a home for itself inside of my eyes. Inside of my hands. Inside of my words. There’s a monster that lived inside of my chest, And I lost my fight against it.

[sugareey-makes-stuff]

Krissy!! For fic rec asks: 👀 💯

Hi Danni! Since I've been reading fic whenever I do have the time and bouncing between Harry Potter and Teen Wolf, I'll leave a rec from each fandom for each question. Those who know me well know I love my hurt/comfort and angst, so here are my recs:

👀 A fic that you love a normal amount Uhhhh, what? Do I really have one of those? Okay maybe I'll treat this as what is a fic I can just be happy about.

>> HP: A Journey Home by edelweissmar (Perciver, T, 28k) is a classic reread for me. I love it because it's such a unique take on things post-war, and Percy and Oliver discover that they're each other's anchors in a way, despite the challenges they face. Oliver is so determined to never give up, and Percy learns to let go of his guilt, love himself and let someone love him. This fic is a beautiful tale, and it doesn't shy away from family drama and all the damage the war has caused for everyone. People are flawed, it's 1000% possible for them to embrace that. >> TW: Written in the Stars by Quixoticity (Sterek, M, 26.6k) is a fic I am totally happy to read and love because it's about soulmates and tattoos, and I love the approach that was taken to explore the path of two people getting to know each other rather than being obligated by marks. What if feelings and a relationship were sparked by choice rather than expectations? What if the romance and attraction between Stiles and Derek was genuine. Yes, yes, yes to all of this. It's sweet and angsty with pining, and I'm glad they eventually use their words and figure things out for themselves.

💯 A fic that makes you think #writergoals >> HP: I basically love agentmoppet's fics, and Like Clockwork (Drarry, E, 39.3k) legit checks all my boxes. But also: this fic has such amazing worldbuilding especially behind how magic works, cursebreaking, and gosh, I am so impressed with this case fic since I definitely cannot write those. I love the banter between Harry and Draco (especially Draco's sass), because every time I reread this fic, it makes me realize why I love these characters so much with their feelings and ridiculous tension. Also, dreams and tricky spellwork! >> TW: OKAY. So I just finished The Moon's Gonna Follow Me Home by turningterrific (Sterek, E, 82.9k) and holy crap! Amazing. It's heartbreaking, gorgeous, addresses mental health, healing and it's something I just really needed right now. There's worldbuilding, OCs that I've grown to love, and the way Stiles and Derek come together again is the perfect slow burn, I can probably scream about it all day. And I probably will in a separate rec post, because this is a fic that flows so well, it pulls at emotions, and gods, it would be so awesome to write like this. Like, how?!! ANYWAY.

Thanks for the asks! ___ Want to ask more q's? Send some over from the fic recs ask meme!

[thecouchsofa]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Thanks to @sweet-s0rr0w for the mention! Side note: Nor All That Glisters is beyond brilliant, I can't believe I only found it last month!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

14 - somehow this feels like heaps and nothing at the same time!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

476,709! Half of those are from one fic though

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Only HP at the moment. I'm very much a 'one fandom at a time' person!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Lesson of You (65k, E) - kidfic, family feels, featuring my favourite tag of all time: accidental child acquisition. I saw that tag on a Sterek fic and it was like a lightning bolt of inspiration - I wrote this fic based on that tag alone!

Walk the Line (16k, E) - Draco sees Harry in the Mirror of Erised but doesn't know what it is and asks Harry about it.

Tales of Apparation Gone Awry (12k, E) - humor, Draco in denial, sometimes accidental drunk Apparition.

Potter's Snake Removal Services (3k, E) - humor, misconstrued texts, tent sex, Goyle being traumatised by said tent sex.

Slytherin Eighth Years are Shit at Potions (or are they?) (4k, T) - Draco's friends slip him a love potion and think they've poisoned him when he acts the same towards Harry.

Side note: my top 3 by kudos are 3/5 of the fics I put in an ask response about my favourite fics of mine - apparently my opinion is the same as the general consensus!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do now, but I didn't used to (social anxiety is a bitch). I make an effort to respond now because I read all of them and they genuinely do make a massive difference. I don't respond to comments on things I posted before this year - there's so many now on certain fics that were posted so long ago that it would feel beyond awkward for me to respond to them now. I wouldn't want to start responding to new comments on those fics without then doing the same for the earlier comments either. So 2023 onwards at this point!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Nothing that's been posted, mine all tend to be very fluffy. I don't really fuck with unhappy endings, life is angsty enough as it is! I like nice cliche endings tied up with brightly coloured bows. That said, a short fic that's going up sometime this month does have an ambiguous ending, so that'll be my answer then.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my stuff tends to be pretty fluffy at the end. The ending of The Brightest Constellations of Our Souls is pretty bloody saccharine though!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not in my comments section, thankfully. I did see one of my fics get rec'd on tik tok at one point and the teens in the comments section were warning others away from looking at my account because of a certain PWP that's on there, which did make me laugh quite a bit!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Definitely! I find smut the easiest thing to write. If I feel writer's block coming on I sit down and write a smut scene or crank out a PWP! I've got quite a few completed ones that have been sitting in my docs since 2018!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope, crossovers definitely aren't my thing!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of. I don't even know why you would tbh.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've been lucky enough to have multiple fics be translated!

The Lesson of You has been translated into Russian and Korean, Potter's Snake Removal Services and Silent Night have also both been translated into Russian!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, but it would be an interesting thing to try!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Drarry for sure! I have major brain rot for this ship.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The very first fic I ever started writing for this fandom! It was a soulmate AU about seeing colours that I wrote around 8k for and then moved on to something else. I read through all of my half-finished fics when I started writing for this fandom again this year and was like 'hey, I quite like this' and then - shock horror - it got pushed to the wayside again. Maybe it'll get done eventually, who knows!

16. What are your writing strengths?

God, I don't even know. Sometimes it's humor, sometimes it's descriptions. Depends on the day, I reckon!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Pacing, probably. For Brightest Constellations I tried to combat this by literally drawing up a table and writing for each location exactly what stage of their relationship Draco and Harry would be at. I did manage to stick to it with only a few changes, but it was properly hard!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't do it because I'm embarrassed I'd get it wrong! I don't mind reading it though!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

One Direction (lmao). Fourteen year old me wrote a Harry/Louis fic in the notes app on my iPad that will never, upon pain of death, see the light of day!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

The Brightest Constellations of Our Souls. I wrote this because I wanted to read something like it and I didn't think there were nearly enough road trip fics in this fandom. I also wanted to do a character study on Harry, since many fics focus on Draco's trauma. I absolutely adore this fic and I'm thinking about getting it bound so I can see it on my bookshelf. I'm so heckin proud of it!

I don't know who hasn't been tagged at this point so if you're reading this and want to do it, consider this me tagging you! Feel free to tag me in your post, I'd love to read it!

[chaosisorderao3]

20 questions for fanfic writers tagged by @nachtwaechterin Thanks for the tag!!!

How many works do you have on AO3? 42 as of now, which is wild considering a year ago I had like. 10 and didn't think I was going to start any new ones! I was purely a longfic writer back then and now I've really branched out.

What's your total A03 word count? 1,035,021 words hehehe

What fandoms do you write for? Well right now I almost entirely just write MCU fic (particularly Parkner) and also HP foefic, but I've also written quite a bit for Naruto, BNHA, Bleach and KHR!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? What it Takes (Naruto) - AU in which Naruto grows up knowing what it takes to achieve his goals and being a fair bit more competent as a result. Still an ADHD gremlin, also genderfluid in this one. Feat. Naruto And The Boys polycule including queerplatonic Naruto/trans guy Hinata and romantic NaruSasu

Shared Power (BNHA) - fic in which Midoriya unlocked Blackwhip instead of super strength at the entrance exam, and progresses through unlocking the stored quirks of OFA. Feat. t4t gay tododeku with demisexual demiromantic Midoriya

Daisy Evans, the Girl Who Stood True (Harry Potter) - trans girl potter gets taken in by the Tonks family after finding her way to a trans Meetup when Hagrid first brings her to Diagon alley. Intending to write all 7 books, currently almost finished book 2. Feat. t4t Daisy/Ginny and also me having lots of fun with autistic good!ravenclaw!Draco getting character development and a safe environment (eventually, and he doesn't start out good or in ravenclaw)

Scrapyard Tinkering and Bisexual Awakenings (MCU/Parkner) - a fic idea I wrote out on a whim and then kept writing, in which a 14yo Peter fresh back from Germany encounters new transfer student at Midtown, Harley Keener, and has a bisexual awakening there and then. Very soft and fluffy! I have plans to one day write some more in that fic setting, and ideally write a sequel fic that features a prom for queer teens in new York that gets interrupted by an alien invasion. In which I will write my very own rarepair I thought of, Ned Leeds/Kurt Wagner!

Tales of a Scientific Ninja (Naruto) - my probably abandoned very first ever fic I wrote. In theory I would like to finish writing it because I have the whole plot roughly outlined for what is now a 150k word fic and could be a 300-400k word fic but I just don't know if I'll have the inspiration or time. Isekai OC becomes Naruto's twin and houses the other half of Kurama. By the power of autism, develops a special interest in fuinjutsu and achieves mastery at a 'young age' (in reality they retained their cognitive maturity from their past life and accordingly had a head start)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes! When I have the spoons I try to respond to as many comments as I can. I really appreciate comments because I love engagement with my readers <3

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Other than my oneshots and scrapyard I have literally not finished a fic ever but none of them have an angsty ending. I would say that maybe Tales of a Scientific Ninja would have an angsty-ish ending if I finish it, largely because it'll end after a literal war and there are gonna be deaths.

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Lol all of my fics I love happy endings way too much. If I had to decide out of all my fics I've finished I would have to say maybe one day i can forget the past and be one of those girls of honey and glass (MCU/Parkner) because Harley and Seraphina get to be so so happy!! Especially Seraphina in her transition progress <3

Do you get hate on fics? I used to get a bunch back when I posted on FFN and I have gotten one memorable piece of hate on AO3 when someone was very upset that I gave Sakura a different story path than they wanted in What It Takes, but otherwise nah. I do sometimes get people posting comments that cross my boundaries but I usually respond by explaining my boundaries and then deleting if need be.

Do you write smut? Kind of? I have a couple works in progress that didn't get very far and I do plan to complete both of them at some point. Not sure when though.

Do you write crossovers? Wjdueudhdhsidushd welllll kind of? I have this one crossover fic that I fully planned but never actually got very far in writing. It's called The Heroes' Aid and it's set in the Naruto world. The four main characters are from HxH, Bleach, Fire Emblem Three Houses and KHR. They're all isekai'd into the Naruto world by the sage of six paths, to help Minato and kushina during the second and third wars.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet, but if anyone wants to translate my fics that would be so cool hehe

Have you ever co-written a fic before? I haven't, and I'm maybe open to trying it but it does sound kind of stressful.

What's your all-time favorite ship to write for? Parkner my absolute beloved!!! I quite like tododeku too but Parkner, especially my post NWH Parkner fic set at MIT, is just aaaaaaaaa

Oh and an absolute honorary mention to one of my rarepairs, HaruChrome (from KHR). I am responsible for 2 of the 11 fics for it on ao3!

What's A WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? Lol so many. What it Takes and Margin of Error are probably the main two though

What are your writing strengths? I can really get going with my writing speed and hit word per minute scores of about 30-50 on sprints, and thusly write over 5k words in a day on my good days! Once I have my idea I kind of just run with it and see what happens and pump out a lot of content.

What are your writing weaknesses? I tend to struggle with painting visuals with my writing; character outfits, scene descriptions and such. It's often something I have to remember to remind myself to do.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? Yeah! It's definitely something I want to be able to do, but I also don't want to botch languages. I may just specify that the speech is in another language without writing it in that language directly, but it'll really depend.

First fandom you wrote for? Naruto! I mostly got into fanfic reading naruto canon rewrites and SI-OC fics on FFN, and then I found the light and started reading more stuff on ao3 and branching out in fandoms. But my first fic was a... well, not SI, but an OC insert naruto fic. I'm quite attached to it even if I may have to abandon it

Favorite fic you've written? Well this is an evil question. I kind of want to say all of them so you know what? All of them.

I'm tagging @vulpineamethyst and @neonandfuckinggarbage, and who ever else wants to do this!

List of questions under the cut for ease of copy-pasting.

How many works do you have on AO3?

What's your total AO3 word count?

What fandoms do you write for?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Do you get hate on fics?

Do you write smut?

Do you write crossovers?

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

What's your all-time favorite ship to write for?

What's A WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

What are your writing strengths?

What are your writing weaknesses?

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

First fandom you wrote for?

Favorite fic you've written?

[cannibalinc]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

I was thoughtfully tagged by @racfoam! Thank you <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

25 works

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

318,492 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly HP and Teen Wolf. I also used to write a lot of Naruto about fifteen years ago.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Rigmarole Dance - Harrymort soulmate AU

Gentle Roar - Steter omegaverse mating run AU

As Portioned from a Whole - Harrymort dystopian Voldemort raises Harry AU

Anthropological - Steter xeno wolf rape oneshot

Id Est - Steter smutty 800 word drabble. Surprised this one is on the list lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why? Why not?

Sometimes! If someone asks a question or comments something particularly conversational. I go through waves. 

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uuuh this is hard. Angsty for who? hahaha

Based on reader response and bookmark notes I've noticed, either Paradisus, a Harrymort Volddmort wins AU in Draco Malfoy's POV, or Be Thyself, a soulmate AU in Lily's POV, seem to be the endings that bother people the most. I get a lot of 'this was great, I'll never read it again' lmaaooo

But a LOT of my works are open ended or end with one half still in captivity/unhappy. The other half is happy though! :D

Honeyguide, splits your skin, Research and Development, etc all have this "bad ending."

(*The angiest ending I'll ever write is still a WIP, but it's coming.)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The Rigmarole Dance for sure. It's light, funny, has the happiest feelings.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Sometimes.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I write mostly smut. Lots of non-con, lots of wet and messy, lots of monster cocks.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't think I've ever written a crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah, a few times unfortunately.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I had a really fun steter omegaverse dystopia project with a friend that we discussed heavily but never actually started. We called it the trash diamond. It involved amputation, conditioning and programming, you know the fun stuff haha. I still hope to write it.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Harrymort <3

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

...I will finish all my WIPs gdi lmao

16. What are your writing strengths?

Atmosphere/prose. Recently, dialogue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action. I struggle between pretty phrases and conveying immediacy.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Yes! It's great for making the POV character and readers feel alienated when they can't understand what's being said. Also if you want to establish a character is pretentious.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Ooooh. I think InuYasha in the 2000s.

20. Favourite fics you’ve written?

I'm a self-indulgent writer, so pretty much everything I write is for me.

Research and Development was an experimental challenge for me that I'm really proud of. It's told in a dissociated first person POV through "scientific" logs and follows Voldemort's experiment on Harry and the deterioration of his indifferent observations as he becomes more obsessed with Harry.

I'm also really proud of Embryo, a fic idea I've been writing and rewriting for over ten years that I've begun to actually post. I've put a lot of work and research into it in order to capture Tom Riddle's voice and intelligence. It's in his POV, in the 1940s, and Harry shows up as a mysterious student no one can seem to explain or even remember long enough to answer Tom's questions about him.

I think racfoam already tagged a lot of other writers I know. Tagging @vdoshu @metalomagnetic @lordansketil @crowcrowcrowthing @vestiges-of-light and anyone else who wants to!

[ghaniblue]

Five Fav Recs

Thanks to @nv-md for the tag. Check out Ali's favs! I went multifandom for my fav self-recs so here goes.

Human | HP | Drarry | E | 27k

My latest and best beloved. So many firsts: longest fic, werewolf fic, knotting, alternating POVs. This fic was supposed to be a little one-shot gift fic, but then it grew plot. I loved the writing experience so very much.

An Improbable Bout of Summer Madness | HP | Drarry | E | 16k

This was the first longer fic I ever finished. I love the soft vibe, with dad!Draco and a sweetly earnest Harry. It's all about soft boys falling in love, and I love that for me.

The Problem With Non-Euclidean Geometry | HP | Drarry | T | 1,2k

Not many people click on this on AO3. A fic about geometry, what's not to like? I think it's elegantly understated and delicately angsty. I still can't believe how I went from the prompt to this.

Paper Cuts | Teen Wolf | Allison/Derek | E | 550

I remember being unable to read this after posting because it made me blush so hard. First PWP and I did not exactly resort to vague ephemisms here. I love messed up, unhealthy dynamics in my het ships.

Mated In Death | Les Miserables (book) | Montparnasse/his knife (?) | T | 300

I imprinted on Montparnasse when I read the book. So I wrote a fic from the POV of his knife.

Tagging @lou-isfake @corvuscrowned @xanthippe74 @kbrick @tackytigerfic, @the-starryknight, @veelawings (and anyone else who wants to share their favourite fics. Tag me so I can add more things to my mfl.)

[lqtraintracks]

I've been tagged by several people to do the Author's 5 Favorite Fics thing, and I will do it at some point, though I'll likely break it up into my 5 Favorite Drarry Fics and then my 5 Favorite Fics That Are Not Just Straight Up Drarry. But I'm doing neither here. Instead, I thought it would be fun, since I have currently 273 HP fics on AO3, to randomly rec 5 Fics wih a random number generator. Like, I'm just stuck talking about whatever old story I don't even remember writing. I don't know, it sounds fun to me! :D So! Here we go.

Five Super Random Recs of my Own Fics:

81. Draco's Birthday List (Drarry; Mature; 454 words ; June, 2014)

LOL okay. Yeah, so Draco just lists off the things he wants for his birthday which all involve Harry and grow progressively less violent and more intimate as he goes. This is not a fic I would have chosen in a million years, which is about as random as you can get, but... it's cute.

102. Best Man (James Sirius/Albus Severus; Explicit; 365 words; October, 2014)

Wow alright. *sweats* The pairing really tells you which warnings to look out for, but I'll say it again here: consensual sibling incest. You've been warned. Also James is drunk and getting married the next day. A bit angsty and hot, this one.

270. Angel Baby (Drarry; Explicit; 50 words; March, 2022)

Zesty recent little micro. Oral sex ahoy!

218. Ode to Vertigo (Pansmione; Teen; 660 words; September, 2019)

Holy shit, this is really good! LMAO. I'd completely forgotten about it. It's for a Firewhiskeyfic night, and I wrote a poem. I gotta say, this is a true rec. I really loved rereading this! Hermione and Pansy play Spin-the-Bottle in free verse.

122. Duel (Drarry; Explicit; 2,300 words; April, 2015)

This was hilarious, which I didn't at all remember. I laughed several times. It's also quite hot. Harry is Headmaster. Draco is DADA prof. They've done it a fair few times. Harry has sworn off having sex with him though. Or has he? Featuring dueling dirty, lqt being funny, shower sex, a tiny bit of armpit kink. Very much enjoyed this reread!

There you have it. Random Recs. That was fun. Maybe I'll make this a thing. LOL.

I'm going to go ahead and tag people to do their Five Favorites or be Random, either one! How about @academicdisasterfic @pineau-noir @phoebe-delia @theonlywolfpants @softlystarstruck @fw00shy and @the-starryknight

[wistfulrat]

this week’s fics! feat. bakeries, bookshops, bisexual awakenings of the angsty and fluffy sort, wolfstar goddads being tender as hell, desi harry reconnecting with his culture, domestic drarry, a lap dance set to akon’s smack that, and more!

But That’s History by @ebbet - 54k - T Harry Potter starts his first year as Muggle Studies Professor only to find that Draco Malfoy has been hired to teach History of Magic.

listen to me. this is one of the funniest drarry fics i've ever read. i was cackling in my bed at 2am because harry’s internal monologues throughout this fic are unhinged. insanely quotable. “what was he, a lothario” and “you were crushing me with your muscular thighs!” are lines that live rent free in my empty head. harry has never played anything cool a day in his life. there’s a faculty meeting where the teachers are planning the yule ball and debating the merits of a DJ when harry decides he must defend his muggle-music-loving honor by dancing seductively to akon’s smack that while a blushing draco loses his mind. i fucking screamed. and the best part is that in between the comedic scenes threading the overall story, you have extremely tender moments of like, padma patil helping harry become a more rooted desi by sharing their cultural traditions, harry proudly donning his sherwani. draco wrestling with his past, going to harry’s lgbtq+ club for students, being sheepish with ron and hermione. ugh, comedic writers with emotional depth are clever and talented as hell!!

Realities, Unfurling by @ebbet - 45k - M Draco Malfoy is released from Azkaban into a changed world.

incredible collage-fic told from multiple povs. 8yrs post-war and everything’s changed. the current state of the magical world unfolds via slice-of-life snapshots from a truly stunning cast. non-binary harry whom is running a non-prof org dedicated to building tolerance and establishing equality for marginalized identities. post-prison-release draco whose life will be changed by the internet. neville’s tender relationship with blaise. andromeda’s fiercely protective mothering. remus and sirius being alive and very hot and just, the tender goddads harry deserved. cho chang being brilliant. baker pansy’s softened edges. found families abound. harry being flustered by their crush on draco and making personalized playlists on an iPod nano.

that all might sound narratively cluttered but the author more than pulls this off. glorious, start to finish.

Knead by @jovialobservationanchor (an @hd-erised​ fic) - 83k - E This is not a story about Harry renovating Grimmauld Place. This is a story about coffee shops and brewpubs, about Ginny and Luna on a farm with creatures, about magical Oregon, coastal road trips, flying, friendship, and Draco Malfoy's lean arms.

cinematic. a love letter to oregon’s expansive landscapes and lively cities. it’s harry finding home in unexpected places and people. in the vast silence of rolling fields, endless coasts, and starry night skies big enough to feel like you’re adrift in space. and it’s also the lingering, intimate quiet of early mornings in a bakery, sitting on a park bench overlooking the city as you eat ice cream next to your crush. it’s harry watching ginny and luna dance and work around each other like bees. it’s the slow unfolding of harry and draco’s relationship as they fill each other’s quiet. finishing this fic is like waking from a good dream. transporting, immersive, lovely. 

Harry Potter and the Bisexual Awakening by @writcraft - 20k - E Harry is perfectly content being single, heterosexual and living in Godric's Hollow with his very clingy rescue dog, Snitch. When Draco Malfoy turns up on Harry's doorstep demanding that Harry teach him how to drive, things quickly become a lot more complicated.

first of all, i feel very seen by draco being a gay-who-can’t-drive. it’s called representation. but mostly i love the ease of harry and draco’s banter, a flustered harry discovering his sexuality, and the way this fic addresses biphobia. also very emo over this exchange: “I think I might be scared of you, but probably not for the reasons you think.” “Yes.” Draco stares at Harry. “I think I might be scared of you too.”

Forged through flowing water by @tedahfromtayla (an @hd-erised​ fic) - 40k - E When Hermione sets up a diplomatic mission to begin repairing the damage British colonisation did to Indian magical communities Harry isn’t going to pass on the opportunity to visit and help his family’s home country. Maybe he should have asked a few more questions about the personnel she had recruited for it before signing on because Malfoy surely has an ulterior motive to be there.

so much to love about this fic. the beautiful settings, from kolkata to mumbai, to the holi festival and colorful lively streets, to remote cave settlements and old intricate temples. it’s harry in the homeland, reconnecting to his family’s heritage and confronting the weight of imperialism in his history. it’s nipping the white savior complex in the bud. this part: That is what England left behind. That is what it still stands for, despite whatever mask of respectability and honour it presents. . .You don't get to step aside and let someone else deal with the mess. You have to listen and learn and then act, Malfoy, you need to learn how to fix your own mess. This is why we're here. my indigenous ass cheered. HP certainly sells the british fantasy but HP fanfic?? fuck jkr, fuck the crown. i love that this fic doesn’t romanticize england’s history. i love that we get to see the vast resilience and beauty of post-colonial india.

Purity Control by yrfrndfrnkly - 28k - T In which Harry tries to ignore his trauma with fantasy Quidditch but Malfoy's Thereness™ is distracting and all his classmates want to talk about are unicorns, virginity, and Muggle music.

tender 8th year fics where they go from bristly as fuck to understanding and soft 100% guaranteed to make me emo as hell. all the teens have traumas and no one wants to talk about it but eventually Things are Talked About. it’s good of the adults to finally notice. everyone just wants someone to hold their hand. and this part: “You’re the only person around here who’s a bigger mess than I am.” “I thought maybe we could be a mess together,” pls don’t look at me as i weep over their gentle empathy.

Advent, a comic by dustmouth - WIP - T It's Harry and Draco's first Christmas together and Draco is determined to live his full yuletide fantasy, come hell or high water.

dustmouth, patron saint of whimsical drarry. whose illustrations singlehandedly reinvented wizarding fashion. whose cheeky and tender comics are like a soothing balm to the utter depravity of this carnal world. harry and draco being domestic, draco’s xmas spirit brand being “traditional unhinged”!! extremely my shit. we’ll absolutely be reading this all december.

Little Spaces by @dracoladon and @lazywonderlvnd​ - WIP - E Draco's back from France and working on the spell damage ward at St Mungo's with Hermione, who invites him over for dinner. Without telling Harry. This is a roleplay, which means Harry is written by one author (lazywonderland) and Draco by another (dracoladon).

the switch in distinct character voices works so well for this fic!! tonally i feel like i'm watching an episode of the office. i personally love harry and draco being Pissed Off at how much they want to bone each other. the battle of the tapenade was the most riveting dinner scene i've read in a minute. clever, hilarious, emotionally tense. can’t wait until that inevitable moment post hate-sex when they’re gonna be like “oh noooo it’s a Heart Boner as well!! >:((” hell ya we’re subscribing for chapter updates.

Dragons Don’t Know Paradise by @teacup-tai​ - WIP - E In 2004, when Remus spends two scary weeks in the ITU due to complications of pneumonia and his HIV condition, Sirius walks around the house like a ghost and Harry finds comfort and strength in Draco through a chat in an online LGBT forum. Harry falls for him, but Draco has a lot of secrets and, before long, will need to come clean—even if he believes that no one is able to understand a dragon.

non-magical bookshop AU. remus and sirius’ relationship is a marvel. the ease of their affection with harry makes me so emo. draco’s friends being insistently present even as he tries to isolate himself. this is a story about acceptance, found families, and falling in love at a distance. the intimacy, the longing, the tenderness. what a fic!! i keep coming back to this part:...he looks at ease, inside his body, a body he needed to fight for. He’d made peace with his struggles and his scars. And Draco realises he wants that. He wants to be at ease inside his body, the body that now carries a virus. He wants to be at peace with his own existence. you hurt for draco so deeply but you get moments like these where he affords himself a kindness that feels foreign and it’s just!! the boys navigating grief and learning to be vulnerable. so good.

[crimeronan]

Can you explain the appeal of Julian Blackthorn? This is a genuine question because I read the books and came away utterly bored by him and unconvinced of his moral greyness as opposed to like, Adam Parrish’s. He seemed so one dimensional to me but I want to know if I’m Wrong TM considering I tend to be very very biased toward my favourite characters and bored by the rest, and my favourites were Mark and Kieran. So maybe I just didn’t pay him enough attention??

it’s been a while since i wrote any earnest tsc meta but cringe culture is dead and the chance to infodump about my julian thoughts has me vibrating where i’m sitting so.  yes okay.

technical stuff

(aka: things pertaining to How The Story Is Constructed)

cassandra clare’s characterization has become much stronger just in general since she first began writing the series like twenty years ago

perhaps most importantly: the more recent stuff i’ve read from her has involved characters who actually grow, change, and learn from their past mistakes 

rather than repeating the same stupid decisions over and over again

and over and over and over some more

seriously take a shot every time someone in tmi miscommunicates or self-destructs in ways They Have Learned Not To Do for no real reason. u will die of alcohol poisoning

in tda this shines ESPECIALLY with the evolution of mark, kieran, and cristina’s relationship, but that’s a separate post

clare’s trademark is also the angsty traumatized jerkass love interest with a secret heart of gold

the woman is almost singlehandedly responsible for draco in leather pants and the proliferation of this kind of character type in fandom and teen lit. this isn’t a criticism it’s me marveling at how if you commit hard enough to a single trope you truly can change the world.  follow your dreams

sad jackass with a heart of gold isn’t an Inherently Problematic Character Type

but poorly done it can lead to relationship dynamics in which one partner is constantly being hurt by and then forgiving the other despite them making no real effort to change, because they are narratively absolved due to being sad

(there’s a lot of this with earlier jace content.  in some ways i think will was later created specifically to be a same-archetype protagonist who actually does get called on his shit and grow. that’s also another post)

also if all of your sexy male love interests are tortured jackasses with a heart of gold then people start calling you a one-trick pony

enter julian blackthorn!

from the very start everything about him is designed to be the INVERSE of the heart of gold jackass.  which immediately makes him interesting just from a meta perspective

(mark and kieran are also both alternate angles on this time-honored archetype.  mark gets the heart of gold and kieran gets the jackass and then they’re both much more deeply messy than that.  yet another post)

julian is kind, self-sacrificing, empathetic, artistic, emotionally supportive, responsible, and favored by old grannies everywhere

so a completely nonthreatening milquetoast guy, right

immediately forgettable if you’re only here for the dramatic conflicts and shithead antics of clare’s other protags

except that he is A Mess

and that he has structured his priorities very carefully, and they are as selfless as you expect from The Hero (TM) but they are also Not Heroic (TM) and they do not align with the moral framework The Hero (TM) is supposed to use

moral ambiguity in characters always exists in relation to their narratives imo. you mention adam parrish - trc’s narrative already mucks around in different ethical shades of gray, and adam falls on the canon scale about where julian does on his canon scale.  both more willing than the average pov character to do the ruthless thing or make the fucked-up choice if the ends justify the means; both with an intensely strong sense of internal priorities that they adhere to at all costs, both so unbelievably fucking down for murder; etc

i do think there are ways julian’s choices could have been pushed even further, but considering the number of readers who hate his guts already, i can see why clare opted not to go for the most controversial possible conflicts

so we’re flipping the narrative

instead of seeing this angsty bad boy and peeling back the layers of his trauma to find his heart of gold, we’re seeing the put-together selfless family man and peeling back the layers of his Responsibility Mask to expose the rotting husk underneath

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

THAT IS FUN AS FUCK

then when julian DOES lash out in hurtful, uncontrolled ways, he has significantly more narrative justification for it than most of clare’s protagonists (will elaborate in characterization thoughts)

julian is also interesting as fuck because of how his struggles allow for a more in-depth look at the failings of shadowhunter society, something that’s also sorely lacking in clare’s earlier work

his apparent amorality is simply the result of him making pragmatic and impossible choices because he has been faced with fucked-up ethical dilemmas since age 12 Because Society Has Failed Him

which opens the door for narrative exploration of how and why he’s been failed so badly & what needs to change

i also love that he has such a coldly calculated way of analyzing situations and allowing harm to occur when need be, bc a lot of clare’s early protagonists have such a bad case of Rush In And Get Myself Killed Because I’ve Got Feelings About Impulsive Heroism syndrome that i wanna push them in front of a truck

probably there’s other meta narrative stuff i could say but i’m stopping myself and moving on to character analysis

characterization stuff

(aka: reasons why i’m also attached to him in a vacuum)

i don’t read him as one-dimensional at all tbh

u may feel the narrative pushes “ruthless julian blackthorn” too much without delivering enough actual ruthless julian But i don’t think that’s the same as having only one dimension

from the get-go, the big question centered on julian is always “how far are you willing to go?” and the narrative pushes the stakes slowly higher and higher to continuously test julian’s “the price is always justified” mindset

he has a far more layered and realistic response to trauma than clare’s early protagonists - trauma affects every single aspect of his personality and how he conducts himself, and the effects vary depending on the circumstances

his conviction that he has to be the perfect parent to his siblings because they will fall apart if they see him show weakness??  rooted in how he feels like he’s fallen apart since losing the stable adult support he once relied upon

his willingness to hurt semi-innocent people, commit coldblooded murder, manipulate people using political leverage, allow harm to befall any stranger if it protects his family??  rooted in how he has already had to ask himself how much he’s willing to sacrifice, and how his family is his only source of stability when the world has never done Shit for him

his conviction that he has a darker heart than anyone else because he killed his possessed father, even though intellectually he knows he was saving his brother’s life??  rooted in having no means of processing this trauma and being unable to voice his feelings for fear of backlash from a deeply non-understanding society

the way he represses every single negative emotion he ever has, to the point where emma - his actual literal magic soulmate who can feel his emotions - is startled to find him hurting or angry??  once again all about how he has to be the perfect father or he’s failed completely

the way his anger is so totally disproportionate to different situations and the way his negative emotions can only come out in completely uncontrolled breaks??  all that repression baybey.  this kid has not processed a single bad feeling in five years.  every single real grievance and petty annoyance has been festering indefinitely inside him like a slowly spreading infection

julian’s arc involves him needing to get thru being his worst self to actually start to heal

as in, he has to actually learn to acknowledge his feelings, take care of himself, lean on his family, and let other people take some responsibility

he also has to learn that in his quest to be the perfect emotionally controlled authority figure, he has not actually learned how to control or deal with his emotions. like. At Fucking All. good god

the narrative setup is also about asking “how far are you willing to go?” until the answer is finally “not this far.  not this far”

and once he reaches that point, he has to reevaluate everything about how he weighs his priorities and morals and plans, etc

(i also like that emma has a perpendicular arc in which she’s always the one tempering julian and telling him “no we can’t go that far” until she’s willing to do something horrific that he absolutely won’t and HE has to stop HER. very sexy)

it’s also just really nice to have a character who’s learned to relate so well to literally every single member of his family while still having a very detached ruthless interior consciousness. i have similar feelings about how adam teaches himself to love people, but with julian it’s spelled out more explicitly in canon & it’s a more central character theme

i’m sure i’m also forgetting stuff here but this post is long enough so i’m gonna say good enough

and like i said in the tags on my other post, there are things i’d personally write differently if it were my story - plot points i’d shift, character contrasts i’d up, themes i’d explore differently, pacing i’d adjust, etc.  i have plenty of ways i could be nitpicky and editorial about the effectiveness of julian’s arc.  but i also don’t feel like writing them out at the moment & none of my critiques on effectiveness have an impact on the core appeal of his character 2 me.  he’s so fucking good

[sugareey-makes-stuff]

8, 9, 14 and 17 for the AO3 wrapped please :)

Hiyaaa! You've got it! :D Something tells me this is going to be a rambly fic rec list, so brace yourself! 8. Pairing you read the most for? For the first half of the year, I was creating things and reading at the same time, for multiple ships and multiple fandoms. I was reading everything for common ships and rare pairs, tbh. 📗 From my January TBR list, I’m reccing Licurici by louisfake | @lou-isfake (HP- Harry/Charlie/Draco, E, 133,092) because it’s amazing! I binged this in 2 nights, and it was so worth it! The world-building is phenomenal, and Charlie’s character is so well developed...I love how we see more than just a Weasley and a Dragonologist. He’s a person who’s complicated, has all the feels, and oh hey, he just happens to love the hell out two handsome blokes. A gorgeous read, and make sure to have tissues nearby because you’re going to need it! And I will always rec this fic again and again. You’re welcome. ANDDD, OKAY. From September up to now, I’ve been binging everything Sterek (pretty such every day), because that’s what happens when one is introduced and sucked into Teen Wolf. I quickly fell head over heels for them (it only took one fic ;D), and they’ve been a comfort ship for me ever since. 📗 It seems wasted now by DaaroMoltor (TW- Sterek, T, 48,618) is one of the first fics I read that made me want to explore this ship more. This is a deep slow burn where apparently Derek and Stiles suck at using their words and don’t know how to talk to each other, and the feelings that come up from so misunderstandings kinda just pull at the heart. (I think it’s very obvious now that all my fav fics seem to be angsty and make people cry, oops). I’d say Kelly Clarkson’s lyrics, “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,” 1000% sums up what this fic is about, with Stiles trying to prove his worth to the pack, and of course I’m on board with anything that explores him being a Spark. Also, maggggic. 📗 Here’s one more rec: Blue Rocket by snarkatthemoon | @snarkatthemoon (TW: Sterek, E, 43,948) is a fic I couldn’t stop thinking about for dayyyys! There are so many things I can probably ramble on about from this fic, but Derek’s PoV is soooo on point, given his complex character, fears and expectations. The world-building is so well-thought out, the chemistry that Derek and Stiles have together is 🔥🔥🔥 and man, there are just soooo many layers to peel back. It’s gorgeous, heartbreaking, and yayy for Magical, Drummer AND Tattooed Stiles! Whoops, I guess that was a really loaded answer! 9. Favorite rare pair you read works for this year? What can I say? Perciver is always on my radar, so I’m always looking for new works to dive right into! They’re a ship I can come back to again and again, and ramble on about for infinity. I will totally talk read and talk everything Perciver in a heartbeat. 📘 A fav back from February is two cannot keep a secret by happynotdignified (HP- Perciver, T, 11,409). This story digs right into different PoVs of the Weasley family with each family member finding out that Percy and Oliver are dating. It’s bittersweet, and there are a lot of feels through conversations, letters and yeahh. Loosely follows the canon timeline while filling in some gaps, but gods, it’s so interesting to see how and what Percy’s family discover about him and Oliver and how that changes what they thought they knew about him, and how wrong they were. In terms of character development, we see how strong Percy and Oliver are as individuals and as a pair through different lenses. Love this to pieces, and it’s such a cool take on things. 14. Favorite AU you read this year? 📙 quite like us by alarainai (HP- Jegulus- T, 67,315) was such a fun read because that was how I was introduced to Jegulus and the awesomeness of text fic! Also, eagerly awaiting each update was super exciting when this was still a WIP. And this is probably the one exception I’ll make for fluff because holy crap, what a slow burn this is, but also, wrong number AUs always leads to great things, right? I have so much appreciation for Regulus’ snark and humour, and well, James is so gone for him, it’s not even funny. ♥️ 17. Did you leave any comments that had to be in more than one part? I usually like to keep things all in one comment just for ease. But if I need to ramble or break down all the things I appreciate in a work, I totally will. In general, if screaming and emojis can get my point across, that works too. :P Omg, just from the recs above, that’s already a lot of words read?! I have no idea what my actual wc for all of 2022 is (500k? Maybe more?), but I know it’s far more than what I read in 2020 and 2021 combined. 😅 Thanks for the asks!

___ Have more reader q's? Ask me via AO3 Wrapped [Reader Edition]!

[hufflepuffburritoboy]

sirius vs draco !CW!

okay, as many of you probably know.. i fucking hate draco malfoy. like **BLEUGH** he fuckin sucks. the way people defend him and his actions disgust me. theyre like;

“awh he had no choice!”

yeah... but neither did sirius??

canonically speaking, draco’s parents were very affectionate towards him. they cared about him. his mother wanted what was best for him even though it went against her and her husbands boss’s wants?? (that sounds so weird im sorry) but overall, draco had a half decent home life.

sirius, however.. his mother treated him horribly. unbelievably so. she physically abused him. he was raised (like draco) being taught that blood purity is very important. but he knew that it was wrong to judge based off of blood purity. 

draco however, believed it. and he was sucked into the mentality of “oh yeah, i’m superior to everyone else because im pure-blood and rich.” and, i kinda get that.. he didnt know any better, AT FIRST. but as he grows up and matures at hogwarts, he KNOWS, he KNOWS that he’s hurting multiple people and multiple communities. and continued with his horrid treatment of muggleborns and/or half-bloods.

if you want to simp over a rebellious angsty teen boy who “had no choice”.. choose sirius. sirius is so much better than draco.

ready to be harassed by 12 year olds :D

[wreckofawriter]

Jelly Slugs

Pairing: Harry Potter x reader

Word Count: 2,278

Warnings: Swearing, a little angsty, still plenty of fluff

Song to Set the Vibe: broken ~ lovelytheband

Request: @mcluuvin666 hi could i request a harry potterxreader in which the reader & harry always seem to find each other in the hospital wing at the end of each year because of harry’s adventures & somehow she always ends up hurt in a funny/ironic way even though it wasn’t her intention to get caught in their messes if that makes sense? either way harry & the reader get really close throughout years of ending up in the hospital wing w the reader being frustrated w the trio bc they’re the “reason” why she’s hurt and she’s just kinda like “you lot are going to be the death of me” but harry and reader end up going out anyway. lots of fluff and maybe angst if you can? thank you so much!!

A/n: Once agian so sorry this took so long! It may not be completely edited, excuse typos, I wrote litteratly all of it tonight. I'm trying to burn through my requets, if u sent one I got it I'm just waiting to get to it

    At eleven years old you had already had far too many near-death experiences, for you that meant one. You hadn’t meant to do anything at all, well except grab some snacks from the kitchen after hours, but it wasn’t anything you hadn’t done before. On your way back your ears had picked up a sweet symphony and you had grown curious. 

Turning a few unfamiliar corners you found the room, its heavy door ajar. You pushed it all the way open, a pastry still stuffed in your mouth preventing you from screaming. A large three-headed beast lay in front of you snoring loudly. Before you could turn and run your eyes found a small wooden trap door at its feet. The phrase your mother often scolded you with echoed in your head, Curiosity killed the cat. You about turned on your heel but then the ending of the saying learned from an equally mischievous classmate came to you, But satisfaction brought it back. 

You dropped the food in your hands and walked hesitantly towards the large dog. You then quietly opened the door, cringing as its hinges squeaked and peered inside being met with complete darkness. You were going to close the door retrieve your treats then head back to your dorm but as you turned you met a pair of brilliantly green eyes and you let out a yelp before stumbling backward and plunging into the hole with a scream. You were soon followed by three of your classmates almost as confused as you were. 

You ended up getting your arm broken by a giant chess piece on your way to retrieve something you didn’t fully understand and what you believed to be a curse began. 

You sat up in a cold sweat the image of a white stone queen drawing her sword waking you with a start. You rubbed your eyes only to find your left arm in a sling and aching a bit.

“Oh, good you’re awake.”

You turned to your right to see a little boy in round glasses smiling at you. “What happened last night?” you asked eyes wide.

“It’s a long story, but I suppose we have time.” He shrugged, “Jelly slug?” he offered holding out a colorfully wrapped package. 

“Yes please.”

Second year began as normal as it should have but it was soon strange and dangerous, pearlized classmates and strict rules making the school feel less and less like a home. Of course, your luck being about as bad as it got, you where the last victim of the basilisk. 

You had been polishing trophies to serve detention which you got for supposedly bad-mouthing Snape although it wasn’t your fault Draco was a filthy snitch. You then saw a large pair of yellow eyes in the shining metal and everything went dark.

You woke up four days later body aching eyes feeling extremely dry as you blinked vigorously. You had a strange sense of deja vu as the hospital wing soon came into view. Head once again thumping as you tried to recall your memories. 

“Oh right, you're here.”

You turned your head to the right to see a wide smile, green eyes hidden behind round glasses as cuts riddled the boy’s face. 

“Merlin Harry, what happened to you?” You gasped taking in his battered form. 

He shrugged, “I fought Voldemort.”

You cringed at the name but said nothing of it to him, “Again?” 

He laughed, “Yeah, this time it hurt more though.” 

“I’m glad you’re okay.” You grinned at him.

His cheeks reddened a bit, “Yeah, I’m glad you’re okay too.” 

You fell into an uncomfortable silence before Harry reached to his bedside table and offered you a tissue-wrapped box, “Jelly Slug?” 

You nodded taking it from him

Third-year had been downright dreadful for you. You were finally a teenager which basically meant everything that had been easy and quick now seemed to take hours and far too much thought. Every little thing you did you were sure would be scrutinized, it didn’t help when a close friend of yours spread a nasty rumor about you and you found yourself skipping classes and opting to stay in bed. A serial killer being on the loose certainly didn’t help. 

The only sort of decent thing that happened was your friendship with Harry, after two times of healing in the hospital wing together you decided to be at least acquaintances. You held study sessions with the boy and occasionally his two best friends although all they did was bicker.  

You also happened to be outside reading when a rat lept on you and dove down your shirt leading to you being dragged into a tree by a dog who turned out to be a serial killer who turned out to be Harry’s godfather. But to be honest you didn’t really care.

You were absolutely livid, your leg was torn apart and for the third time in a row you had somehow been shoved into an adventure you most certainly didn’t want to take part in and you were bleeding heavily because of it. 

Oh yes, how could you forget? You were also almost killed by your professor, who had turned into a werewolf just in time to almost kill you again. 

When you woke up in the hospital wing with the golden trio surrounding you, you weren’t so pleasant.

A string of foul curse words, pointing fingers and yelling was shot at the three teens who apologized profusely insisting they did not mean to get you caught up in their business. 

You eventually calmed down and found out it wasn’t all that bad considering you got to see the suddenly very attractive dark-haired boy who made a point to spend all of his free time in the hospital wing with you as your leg healed. You shared a large amount of jelly slugs as you read muggle books and did your best to stay on top of studies.

Fourth year was much better than the last. You and Harry spent more and more time together and you felt a large crush on the boy who lived growing. Hermione knew about it instantly and Ron seemed adamant to tease both of you just for the joy of watching your faces flush. But good things never lasted.

You had a heart attack when Harry’s name came out of the goblet and found yourself taking his side in a sudden war between him and Ron. The bitch of a journalist Rita Skita also plastered you and Harry’s face all over the daily prophet when she caught you hugging him before his first task. You went with Harry to the ball although to both of your disappointment only as friends. And you ended up comforting Hermione in the hallway anyway. 

You also were almost drowned by your sorry excuse for teachers in the second task. Never one to back down from a fight you yelled directly at Dumbledor and Karkaroff saying how if your name wasn’t pulled out of that idiotic goblet than you shouldn’t have to almost die for the even more idiotic tournament. Of course, you did this with a very colorful vocabulary that landed you three weeks of detention. 

When Harry pulled Cedric from the maze you had cheered clapping along with the band until suddenly you heard the boy wail like a wounded animal. You raced down to meet him and helped pull him off of the elder boy’s body.

He was shaking the entire time and when you finally managed to drag him away he buried his head into your neck and sobbed. 

Harry was then dragged away by Mad-Eye and you were quick to follow, bursting in on the two just as Moody no longer became Moody. 

“Harry!” You yelled diving at the quickly transforming man who was holding him at wand point. 

Your body suddenly erupted in such harsh pain you thought you might throw up. 

“Y/n!” Harry’s yells fell on deaf ears as the unforgivable curse took all of your attention. 

By the time Harry was able to disarm the man, you had passed out from the pain. 

You woke up in the hospital wing three days later a disheveled Harry seated in a chair next to you his arms folded on your bed his head resting on them. 

When you tapped his shoulder lightly he jolted awake immediately engulfing you in his embrace sobbing out apologies as you pushed yourself closer into his chest. 

“I’m so so sorry y/n, I never meant for you to be caught up in any of this.” He choked out pulling away from you and cupping your face in his hands. 

“It’s okay Harry, I’m okay.” You spoke smiling weakly feeling extremely exhausted. 

“But he used an unforgivable cu-” 

“I don’t care, I’m just happy you’re okay.” You interrupted leaning into the soft circles his thumb was drawing on your cheek.

Harry’s eyes filled with an unidentifiable emotion and suddenly his lips were on your own. 

The second they connected he backed away blushing so heavily you were sure he was hot to the touch.

“I’m so sorry y/n, I don’t know what I was thinking and I-”

You only shook your head and wrapped your hands around his neck bringing his lips back to yours. His hands ended up on either side of you as you leaned back down on the bed bringing him with you. He hovered over you, your tongue slipping into his mouth as you played with the ends of his hair. He tasted overly sugary with a hint of fruit, just like a jelly slug.

You were interrupted by a cough followed by a low chuckle and Harry immediately pulled away from you and you turned to see not only your headmaster but Professor McGonagal and Madame Pomfrey all staring at you. 

Your eyes went wide and you felt so hot you thought you might catch the sheets on fire. You stole a glance at Harry who had paled dramatically, looking sick. 

“I’m glad you’re feeling better y/n.” Dumbledore chortled. 

You hissed in at the pain that shot through your ankle. Your head had also begun to pound causing you to squeeze your eyes shut and attempt to relieve the pressure by pressing onto your temples. Fuck Umbridge. You hopped that bitch was dead, as your eyes began to adjust to the sudden brightness of your surroundings you saw an all to a familiar sight. The hospital wing had become your home away from home and now in fifth year you, it made sense you ended up there once again. 

When your psychotic headmaster dragged you, your boyfriend and your two best friends out to the forbidden forest as she was attacked by a giant she managed to hit you with some sort of spell which effectively left you in your current state. Harry who was seated beside you wrapped his arms around your waist and placed a kiss on your neck.

“You okay?” He asked he seemed stressed, then again when wasn’t he?

“I’m fine.” You lied with a smile pushing his glasses back up his nose. 

“I think you should stay here y/n/n, I can’t have you getting hurt.”  He frowned. You then took notice of the group of teenagers was behind him. They were clearly about to leave. 

“I think history has proven that kind of unavoidable at this point.” You sighed standing up and drinking whatever was on your nightstand, it turned out to be a pain medicine that tasted the equivalent of dragon piss. 

“Y/n...” Harry spoke hesitantly.

You turned to look at your boyfriend, your face set in stone. “If you don’t take me with you I will find another way to that building.” 

Harry sighed biting down on his lip, “Fine. Alright, guys, let’s go.”

Your lips twitched into a smile just as you were about to leave the room you noticed a small half-empty bag on the table next to your bed, you stuffed it into your pocket and ran after the group you had fallen behind. 

You sat silently eyelids feeling so heavy you thought they might close at any moment. Your entire body ached, your headache coming back stronger than ever, but you didn't let onto your pain. 

Harry had his head buried into your stomach as you combed through his messy hair, his sobs were the only sound in the massive black room. Sand was scattered around you as you clung to your boyfriend your back up against a black glass wall as you stared blankly ahead of you. Dumbledore stood a few feet away, seeming almost as lost as you were. Part of you hated him for putting Harry through everything he had just been through, but you knew it wasn’t his fault. 

Harry adjusted himself so his head was buried into the crook of your neck, his arms wrapped around your waist. The movement caused something in your pocket to crinkle, catching your attention. 

You reached into your robe and removed a half-empty bag of candy. You smiled in spite of yourself. 

You tapped Harry on the shoulder whispering his name. He looked up at you his eyes rimmed in red, his face blotchy, the sight made your heart throb.

“Jelly Slug?” You asked your voice cracking.

The boy let out a mix between a laugh and a sob before lightly placing his lips onto your own. He tastes salty and bitter, like tears and blood. You found yourself wishing you were elven again when everything was simple, wishing that Harry still tasted like jelly slugs. 

Taglist:

(Realizing I forgot this last fic I posted, my bad)

@accio-rogers

@roslea

@k3nz-doodl3

@theseuscmander

Masterlist

[writer-dreams]

I read your post "Enough" and I loved it so much! I was wondering if I could get another Slytherin Reader who is with Draco. She has anger issues and sometimes punches walls (hurting herself) because she blames herself harshly whenever she fails or messes up. Maybe, she's a death eater and she accidentally got Draco hurt (not killed) somehow? And he comforts her and tells her to stop blaming herself. Whatever you decide, I'm super excited to read. Thanks again❤️

Not Your Fault (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

Hello, thank you so much to @beautifulbows924 for requesting. This has been sitting in my inbox for so long, it’s about time I got to it! I hope it’s close to what you wanted and I also hope you enjoy! 

House: Slytherin

Blood Status: You choose

Warning: Mentions of torture, blood, self harm, and blaming oneself. Angsty.

Note: Angsty. The reader in this story is female / uses female pronouns.

Word Count: 3,123 words

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3rd Person POV

"Draco, you know what we're doing could get us killed, right?" Y/n stated to her blonde-haired boyfriend. 

The male nodded silently and urged her to continue moving. The two knew that if they were caught here, they would both be executed by the Dark Lord. Although the very idea of that terrified them, they pushed on. They had to, it was the right thing to do. The once lively corridors of Hogwarts were now dark and deathly silent. The only source of light was the soft blue light emitting from Y/n's wand.

Y/n and Draco hated their current situation. The both of them were Death Eaters, definitely not by choice. They were held at wand point and threatened that if they didn't join then one of them would die. Y/n blamed herself, cursing herself for not being stronger, for not being able to defend herself. She felt personally responsible for making the two of them what they despised most. She hated that now the two of them had the ugly tattoo of the Dark Lord on their arms permanently. This is why she sought to make things right.

Since last summer, she had been sneaking out of the Death Eater headquarters and coming to meet Potter. She would tell the boy of the upcoming attacks and brought the plans for the next week. She knew it was dangerous business, but as long as it could help Harry defeat Voldemort, she could care less. It wasn't until a few months later, that Draco caught her and joined along. He too knew the risks, but he just wanted for this war to be over, and spend the rest of his life with Y/n. They had promised to each other that if one of them had been compromised, that the other must keep silent and continue giving Harry information.

So here they were, creeping around the halls of Hogwarts, trying to get to the Room of Requirement, where Harry was surely waiting for them. The couple quickly scurried up the stairs to the seventh floor, constantly checking over their shoulders to see if they were being followed. They finally stopped walking when they reached the familiar tapestry. On the wall across from the banner, the door to the Room of Requirement appeared. As the door was opened, they spotted Harry, Ron and Hermione standing by a table, talking amongst themselves. The trio turned with hopeful faces when the door swung open as they noticed who entered the room. 

Y/n was always grateful for the golden trio. They were some of her closest friends and she could trust them with anything. When she had first told them about her relationship with Draco, they accepted it with a little time and threatened Draco that if he ever broke her heart, they would curse him into next year. They weren't angry when she told them that she had become a Death Eater. They understood what was at risk and knew that she would never support Voldemort. It was at times like this, she was glad she had such great friends.

So far, the Order of the Phoenix have been able to intercept and stop any attacks that the Dark Lord attempted. Voldemort was getting frustrated but he didn't yet suspect any traitors on his own side.

"Y/n, Malfoy." Harry greeted as he pulled her into a hug. "Were you careful that you weren't followed?"

"Yes, everyone else back there still believes that we're in the manor." Y/n nodded.

"Then we better get this over with quickly before they notice." Hermione stated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry studied the girl in front of him. Y/n's eyes definitely had heavier bags underneath, and she was noticeably smaller than he remembered. He knew that she was stressed and blamed herself, though nothing he said could convince her otherwise.

He remembered the first time she had told him of the plan, that she would act as a spy for the Order of the Phoenix from within the Death Eaters. At first, he disapproved of her plan. He didn't want another one of his best friends to die. However, he saw the desperation in her eyes, the desperation to do something right, to dig herself out of the hole of self-hatred she had placed herself in. He reluctantly agreed, giving Y/n what she felt was a sense of redemption, for being weak and powerless against the Death Eaters.

He watched her as she spilled out all the places that the Death Eaters planned to terrorize for the next week. Malfoy stood beside her, often adding some extra details that Y/n would forget. It seemed so long ago that the five of them were sitting at a table during Hogsmeade weekend. Ron would be playing wizard's chess with him, Hermione would be reading a book next to Ron, Y/n and Malfoy would also be seated and enjoying each other's company. Harry would kill just for another moment like that, where they didn't have to worry about a dark lord, where they weren't risking their lives everyday, where they were all together and enjoying life.

Of course, that wish wouldn't be granted until this war was over. He hated it. This war, everyone involved, they were fighting for him. His friends were willing to put their lives on the line for him, for the good side to win.

Y/n finished what she was saying, handing a couple of papers to Hermione. She bade them goodbye, saying to meet back here next week. Malfoy followed close behind, his hand moving closer to Y/n's until he had grabbed it and their fingers interlaced with each other. Harry narrowed his eyes at the sight, he still wasn't exactly the biggest fan of Malfoy, he still thought he was a prat. However, even if he hated to say it, he was grateful that Y/n had Malfoy with her. That she wasn't alone at the Death Eater headquarters. 

He admitted that at first, he wasn't exactly the most enthused to hear about her relationship. As he watched their love blossom, Harry noticed the way that Malfoy looked at Y/n. It was always filled with affection and adoration for her, proving to Harry that this relationship was true and it wasn't just Malfoy toying around with her. Harry could see that the two of them were willing to die for the other, which was something that he admired, how deep their affections ran for each other. Slowly, he began to accept Malfoy as some sort of close ally, though never as a friend. Maybe once upon a time, he would have wished for their relationship to end but now, he couldn't find someone better for Y/n.

Take care of her, Malfoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple of months had passed. Months of acting as spies for the Order of the Phoenix. It was starting to get harder and harder to sneak out, with Voldemort ordering for there to be more security around the manor. The Dark Lord feared that if the Order had been able to interrupt all of his plans so far, then they would eventually plan to ambush him at the mansion.

Y/n and Draco were laying down on his ridiculously massive bed, Y/n's head rested in Draco's lap as he gently stroked her h/c hair. Suddenly, Narcissa Malfoy opened the door and walked into the room, giving the two teens a grave look.

"What is it, Mother?" Draco asked, trying to mask his fear at his mother's expression.

"Come downstairs. The Dark Lord is hosting a meeting with all of his Death Eaters." 

Y/n and Draco exchanged worried looks but got up and followed Narcissa to the dining room. All the Death Eaters were seated around the large table, with two empty spots reserved for Y/n and Draco. Voldemort sat at the furthest end of the table, a terrifying smile on his face.

"Ah, there they are! My favorite young couple!" He grinned evilly.

The two did not reply and opted to silently sit down, trying to ignore the stares from everyone else. Under the table, Draco grasped Y/n's hand and gave her a small, comforting smile. The Dark Lord cleared his throat loudly and got up from his chair. 

"So, as all of you know, the Order of the Phoenix has been able to foil all of our plans for the past few months," Voldemort started as he began walking slowly around the table.

"They always appeared to be ready, as though they were expecting us. It has come to my attention that we have a possible traitor in my inner circle." He walked past Y/n and Draco slowly, resting a hand on both their shoulders for a fraction of a second before he continued walking.

"They would have to be someone close to me. Someone sitting right at this very table. Only my most trusted followers may be seated here. They would have heard about my plans and reported it to Potter. So, who is it?" 

Nobody moved or said anything. Any movement could lead to the Dark Lord believing you were the traitor. "Anyone? It's better to give yourself up now. No one else has to be hurt." 

Still, everyone was as still as a statue. Even Narcissa had a blank look on her face to stop any emotion. "If you won't come out, then I suppose I'll torture it out of you. Each and every one of you." Voldemort sneered.

He pointed a wand at Y/n. "L/n! How about you be the first to feel how painful a 'Crucio' curse can be." He scowled.

"No wait!" Draco shouted while standing up, drawing Voldemort's attention from Y/n. "It's me! I'm the traitor! Torture me, not her!"

"No, my Dark Lord! It is me! Please, I beg you, don't hurt Draco!" Y/n cried out, also getting out of her seat.

"Don't listen to her! She had nothing to do with it! She's just trying to protect me."

Voldemort smirked at the two. He fiddled with his wand with his long fingers. His face was twisted with cruel smile and he chuckled a little.

"Ah, young love. You two would truly sacrifice yourself for each other. It's pathetic. Love is weak, darling. You'll learn that nothing good comes out of it. Take this, for example. Love is forcing you to suffer through pain, and for what? Just so your partner can live? How utterly ridiculous." Voldemort laughed. "Now, Malfoy, you're claiming that you are the true traitor and she's lying to protecting you?"

Draco nodded, though Y/n was sobbing and squeezing his hand tightly, begging him to just let her take the blame.

"Very well. You shall be taken in and executed for your betrayal to me." The Dark Lord walked over to Y/n and held her chin tightly between his index finger and his thumb. "Look here, my dear. Look at what love does to you. You plan to die for a person that will most likely forget you in 30 years. What is the point? The answer is nothing. After your lover here is gone, I hope you'll change your mind about something as useless as love." 

He let go of her chin and adjusted his cloak. Two Death Eaters got up and casted a spell on Draco so he had heavy chains bound tightly against his wrists. Y/n couldn't move in fear of what the Dark Lord would do to her. She could hear Narcissa also crying out. Lucius stayed silent with a poker-face. Y/n couldn't even tell if he cared if his son was going to be executed.

"Wait, my Lord!" Narcissa shouted, her hand outstretched. Voldemort turned, seemingly amused at the pain in her voice. "My Lord, please. Lucius and I have been such loyal followers to you. I'm begging you to spare my son. Perhaps we could simply lock him away or prevent him from being able to hear us."

Voldemort seemed to consider this for a moment. He then nodded towards Narcissa, who's rigid posture relaxed slightly. "Very well. You are correct that the two of you have been some of my closest followers. It's a shame that your son couldn't do the same. The boy will be spared, however he will be tortured as punishment for what he's done. Then, he will never be able to attend any other meetings to prevent future plans from being spread."

He leaned closer to Draco, who had changed his expression to a blank one, similar to his father's. "When I'm done with you, you'll have wished that I had killed you instead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n paced around in Draco's room. Her head was spinning and she felt sick. From somewhere deep in the manor, she could hear Draco's bloodcurdling screams. Her hands were balled up tightly into fists, digging her nails into her palm. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she faced the nearest wall and punched it with as much force as she could. The wall cracked but she could care less. This was her fault. She should have told Harry to leave some of the plans alone to evade suspicion. This was her idea. She was caught and failed but Draco ended up paying the price for it. She punched the wall again, ignoring the pain that shot up her arm. It was probably nothing compared to what Draco was going through.

Again and again, she relentlessly attacked the wall. Again and again, she pictured Draco's poor face and listened to his screams that would surely haunt her nightmares. Her tears streamed down her face and they showed no sign of stopping anytime soon. Why did Draco love her? He didn't deserve to suffer the consequences of her actions. She should be down there. She should be the one that Voldemort was torturing. It should be her that was screaming, not her lovely boyfriend. Her fists were bleeding but she brushed it aside and continued her assault on the wall, screaming like a banshee.

By the time she was done, there was a decent hole in the wall and her fists were dripping blood. Did she care? No, not when her boyfriend was still downstairs and suffering. Any pain she was going through right now, Draco was feeling it ten times stronger. She leaned her head against the wall, sinking down slowly to the floor. She took her head into her bloody, shaky hands. The salty tears began to drip into her cuts, causing them to sting. She felt pathetically weak, wanting nothing more than for the floor to swallow her whole. She wasn't sure when or how, but she soon felt her eyes grow heavy and darkness surround her as sleep overtook her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She woke up to the door opening. It was clear that the person was trying to be quiet, as they closed the door quietly behind them. Y/n was drowsy and wasn't sure what time it was. Outside, it was dark and moonlight spilled into the room through the open windows, barely lighting the room. How long did she spend on the floor? Her neck ached and her hands had dried blood all over them. She continued to watch the intruder, seeing them limping in her direction. At first, she didn't recognize them and her heart lurched thinking that it was a Death Eater coming to drag her downstairs. She tried to get up but as soon as she moved her head, the world spun wildly and she stumbled. Y/n looked back to the intruder but stopped as she saw the familiar blonde hair in the moonlight.

Immediately, she stopped and waited for Draco. He limped closer to her, his face contorting in pain with every step. He sat next to her on the floor slowly before rummaging through his pocket and pulling out a first-aid kit. He gently took her hands, seeing the blood, and taking out rolls of bandages from the kit.

"Draco..." Y/n tried to speak but Draco stopped her as he started to wrap her hands.

"I heard you screaming from downstairs. Clearly, I wasn't the only one who was tortured tonight." His face was the only thing she could see as the darkness hid the rest of his body. She could see his dark and tired eyes, his split lip and the various cuts that were scattered all over his skin. She immediately felt bad. Here was Draco, dressing her wounds before he could tend to his own, which were surely worse than hers.

"Draco, I'm fine. You're the one who needs medical help." She allowed him to finish wrapping her knuckles before she turned to him, with the kit between them. 

"I'm fine." Draco brushed her aside.

"That's hogwash."

He reluctantly allowed her to help him undress, revealing all the bruises that littered his body. There was a large gash on his chest in the shape of a V. Y/n gasped and her guilt only grew. It was her fault that he was like this. If she had just been more careful, if she hadn't let him help her, if she hadn't-

"Y/n." Draco's soft voice interrupted her racing thoughts. She looked up at him with regret in her eyes. 

"Don't you dare blame yourself for this. I know that face, I know you're thinking of all the things you could've done to avoid this. However, the truth is, nothing could have escaped this. I was tortured and I would do it again and again if it meant keeping you safe from that Dark Lord bastard." He pressed a kiss to her bandaged hands, "Don't hurt yourself over things you can't control. We both knew what we were getting into. I love you so much and I would never regret giving myself up for you."

He looked so sincere that Y/n felt tears running down her cheeks again. Draco wiped away her tears before kissing her lips softly. 

"I love you too." She whispered back before she pulled away and began bandaging his wounds. "Draco, how are we going to help Harry? Now Voldemort has locked us in this damned manor and there's no way to leave. I don't know any way to help him anymore."

"You've already done as much as you could. Trust me, you've more than redeemed yourself. Now, the rest is up to Potter." His warm eyes bore into hers as she finished wrapping, pulling her close to him and laying her head in his lap.

Y/n closed her eyes as Draco soothingly raked his fingers gently through her hair. He was right, she had done all that she could at this point. Now the two of them had to hope it was enough for Harry to defeat Voldemort.

**********************************************

Once again, I want to thank @beautifulbows924​ for requesting this, I actually enjoyed writing this one. I’m sorry if this was triggering or really horrible to read. I am in NO way romanticizing torture, self harm, or blaming oneself. If you are suffering from any of these, please seek help. My inbox is always open and you are always welcome to PM me if you need someone to talk to. Thank you for reading this story. If you have any requests, feel free to ask. Until next time.

-Jade

[mediocre--writing]

The Saddest Part of All

Hermione Granger x Platonic!Slytherin!Pureblood!Reader

Summary: It’s 6th Year at Hogwarts, and everyone is a bit worse for wear, but some have it a bit worse than others.

Word Count: 956

Warnings: none really, just a bit of crying and manipulation I guess??

Enjoy this random angsty Harry Potter Blurb I randomly came up with!!

There was a silent danger lurking around Hogwarts these days.

The Hufflepuffs seemed to be scurrying around quicker than usual, the Ravenclaws weren’t as focused as they were before, the Gryffindors we’re watching Harry Potter and his friends a bit closer recently, and Slytherins were all about to collapse in stress.

Most of the 4th year and up Slytherin Purebloods knew what was happening. They had heard the whispers in their homes after The Dark Lord’s return.

Those that were fifth year and older were beginning to be branded and given tasks to complete.

It wasn’t odd to look over at the Slytherin table during meals and see a half empty table, or the older teens with long sleeves, sweaters, and their robes on just to hide what would inevitably end them.

Not many knew the reason why, they assumed what was happening, but nobody truly knew why they were so scatterbrained and jumpy.

Y/n had someone to look after, Draco Malfoy, who had been assigned a task far too important to mess up out of fear. It kept her mind occupied knowing that all she had to do was make sure he was on schedule, not doing anything too awful herself.

However, what Y/n didn’t know, was that while Harry Potter was keeping a close eye on Malfoy, a certain muggleborn witch was keeping an even closer eye on her.

Hermione knew that Y/n was a good person. She was intelligent, almost more so than Hermione herself, Y/n was also stubborn, she weighed her options on every situation to make sure the right choice was made.

So when Hermione caught sight of her and Malfoy coming out of the room of requirement, rolling their sleeves down to cover a dark black ink, she knew that the situation was much worse than she’d ever imagined.

After a week of mulling over her own mind, Hermione decided to confront Y/n. She was one of the only Pureblood Slytherins to never insult Hermione directly, and she always gave her kind smiles when she needed them. They weren’t exactly friends, but they had a mutual understanding of how one another worked and respected that.

After a trip to Hogsmeade, Hermione decided that today was the day, so she borrowed Harry’s map of the school to find Y/n.

After a brisk walk to the library, Hermione was twisting around bookshelves towards the edge of the library, where the Restricted Section began.

What she saw was something she never thought could happen.

It was Y/n, ever the confident, always sure of herself, and one of the most put-together people, silently sobbing into her knees on the floor, books scattered in stacks all around her.

Hermione bent over to see Y/n’s face properly but lost her balance on the way down, landing on her hands and knees in front of Y/n, who’s head shot up at the disturbance, immediately pulling her wand up to Hermione’s face.

“Granger!” Y/n quietly yelped, eyes widening as she wiped at the damp tears on her cheeks, “What do you want?”

Hermione moved to sit on her butt and wiped the dirt off her knees and palms, facing Y/n, “You’ve seemed off the last couple days, I was making sure that you were alright.”

Y/n sat quietly watching Hermione’s eyes flicker around the library, avoiding looking at the wand that was still clutched tightly in Y/n’s hand.

Hermione glanced around at the books, noticing the sketchy titles and what the contents were, mostly Potions, counter curses, and a few books on Dark Magic.

“You know, don’t you?” Y/n asked as her and Hermione made eye contact, though Hermione couldn’t keep her eyes on Y/n’s for very long.

Hermione nodded, almost in a shameful manner, but Y/n slowly brought her wand down to her side and let go of it.

The two girls sat in the corner of the library in silence for a few minutes before one had the courage to speak up.

“So are you going to tell Dumbledore?”

“No.”

Hermione’s response was immediate, causing Y/n to quickly whip her head around to look at the girl.

“What? Why?”

“You probably have a good reason to be— what you are.” Hermione bashfully explained, “for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve never called me a Mudblood, or anyone else for that matter, I know you’ve hit Malfoy a time or two for being rude. I know you try and look away when your ‘friends’ say rude and prejudice things. I don’t have a deep connection with you but I know when you’re upset and, honestly, I’m worried about you.”

It was silent once again, but tears, once again, came up to Y/n’s eyes.

“He threatened to kill my mother and little brother if I didn’t comply.” Y/n sniffled, scrunching her nose a bit, “I would rather be hated or thrown in Azkaban after this is all over instead of losing the only two people who have ever really cared about me.”

Hermione couldn’t stand it anymore, she shot over and hugged the daylights out of Y/n.

There was no promise that things would get better after this, after Y/n helped do whatever it was she had to do, but in a weird, twisted way, Hermione would do the same for her family and friends.

And that day Hermione had another reason to up her work in helping stop He Who Shall Not Be Named, because he was hurting more people than those that opposed him, he was ripping apart families on his own side, and that may have been the saddest part of it all.