#EDIT: upsetti

[poetryincostume]

The Saddest Girl In The World

Edwardian-ish ribbon corset with beading, 2023

Silk ribbon, cotton taffeta ribbon, Czech glass beads

[zacksnydered]

HENRY CAVILL as GERALT OF RIVIA.  Netflix’s The Witcher ( 2019 – Present ) | Episode “A Grain of Truth”

[sgt-farron]

Whitestone is for lovers (sad)

Edited: Added colored version to this original post.

[elvenbeard]

.

[autism-corner]

no im actually so mad about that last chapter.

why. the fuck. didnt you give us a choice for lucifer to kiss us. he just does it. theres no way im mistaken about that. every other brother you get to choose. i get that its probably 'plot relevant' but theres other fucking ways to make it happen. have him hold my hand or whatnot. despite the fact i would also absolutely despise that it wouldve been so much fucking better than whatever this was. besides the fact that kissing someone when theyre unconscious is already iffy, i could get past that if it were a fucking choice.

i dislike lucifer with every bone in my body. and for that to happen in canon feels so gross. if it were real and all i know that man would have no interest in me, and it'd be mutual. he's literally my least favourite character ever i think and. i just feel disgusting and betrayed.

[thedragonagelesbian]

they were the handholding pages and some pages that were rlly hard to write google docs confirmed lesbophobic!!!!!@

[genericpuff]

the last few episodes of persephone moping around have felt like less of a self-reflective moment for her to grow and change and more rachel griping about criticism and surrounding herself with yes men

this isn't gonna be in any way a formal essay like my usual sort, more of a slam post honestly, so fair warning that i'm gonna be a little salty here

EPISODE 263 SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

but seriously, it's been a pity party of greek proportions because this constant "woe is me" shit with persephone that's constantly met with "no queeen you're amazing and perfect" has been going on for DAYS (real time and comic time)

literally every episode since the comic returned has had some segment of either persephone or hades (or both) being upsetti spaghetti over their current situation because oh nooo persephone made the deal with erebus and had to sacrifice something. even though they both knew that was gonna happen and yet she did it anyways. so she just continues to lock herself away in her mansion and spout adorkable quips while her husband, mother, and colleagues deal with the mess she caused.

and of course there's the constant inclusion of apollo spitting straight facts about persephone being a terrible queen and person, but of course because it's apollo saying it, it's not meant to be taken as gospel, essentially clapping back at the words of the critics who call out persephone for being a shitty and toxic protagonist by putting those words into the mouth of a literal rapist.

and yeah episode 263 had a lot of the same shit, to the point that you could literally swap out the names of the characters and the words they were speaking and it applies exactly to rachel and the corner she put herself in u.u it's been a thing for a while now that apollo has just felt like a mouthpiece for LO criticism but as mentioned by users within the subreddit during the discussion of this newest episode, it's never felt more apparent than now.

so yeah enjoy this satirical text edit of a sequence from the newest FP episode, which I honestly can't tell is meant to satirize the critical community or Rachel's reactions to the critical community because the weird reality this comic and its community exist in has just become that wack that it's hard to believe it's not directly from The Onion sometimes LMAO

-and as much as i find myself empathizing with the pressure that rachel is surely under right now - no one should have to be subject to the screeching howls of the peanut gallery - i can't help but be reminded of the memes and tweets she's put out that basically outright say "persephone is supposed to be celebrated for being a shitty person, if you can't handle her at her worst you don't deserve her at her best 💅"-

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rachel Smythe (@usedbandaid)

-and how often she's ruined her own day looking for critical groups or people with the "wrong opinions" that were minding their own business, or how much she's stifled her own community's attempts to discuss the story openly by having her mods ban anyone with even so much as a question regarding persephone's integrity.

so yeah, as much as i can empathize with her from one creator to another that being under this amount of pressure and scrutiny must be immensely frustrating and exhausting, beyond that one similarity i just can't empathize or relate to this mindset of almost learned helplessness that's taken a firm grip over her writing. this is the story she wants to tell and by all means no one is entitled to make her stop, but if she's gonna keep using her greek myth "retelling" comic that's trying to be "feminist" as a mouthpiece for her own griping over criticisms that are largely on-point and justified - to the point of putting the words of her critics into the mouth of her token villain like she's playing some single player barbie doll "act out that fight that sounded cooler in your head" game - then she's gonna keep getting called out, full stop. i figured she didn't have any nose left to rip off in spite of her face but apparently not.

look, i get it, there are some opinions and behaviors within the critical community that even i'm not on board with. there are people who absolutely take shit too far on both sides of the fandom, and i think both sides need to do more to hold themselves accountable for how they interact with each other, the comic, and rachel herself. i make it a point to keep my shit in my own house, i'm not entitled to rachel's attention and frankly it's the last thing i want because i have a lot of fun here and i don't want that to be potentially ruined or dampened! but if you come into my house and complain about the decorating, then i legitimately don't know what to tell you. i used to love LO and i'm so sad for my past self knowing fully well they're not gonna be able to wholeheartedly enjoy this comic forever due to how manipulative and shitty the storytelling has become. a story that i once connected to as an AFAB who was a victim of assault and abuse and generational trauma.

if persephone being the true main villain in her own story was ever meant to be the point of Lore Olympus, then it's taken way, way too long to get to that point, and rachel herself definitely doesn't seem to be of the mindset that that's what she's become with all of her blasé meme'ing on a plot arc that she's still expecting us to take seriously. persephone was never a very complex character to begin with - being an easy self-insert for the audience and rachel to project themselves onto and relate to - but at least in the beginning she felt like she had so much legitimate potential, she was naive but put her best foot forward and clearly wanted to make a life for herself, made by herself.

now she's just mean. jaded and mean. dependent on the constant validation of others to the point of being manipulative. an absolute shell of a person who can only grow a spine when she's punching down on people weaker than her, completely incapable of standing up to the people who are a legitimate threat to her. it's not empowering, it's not subversive, it's just another pick me story about women pitting themselves against other women and never taking accountability for their own behavior, mistakes, and deliberate actions meant to hurt others, often teetering on the line of straight up narcissism all for the sake of a "boss babe" moment.

anyways, if you want an actual well-written and GOOD scene of an empathetic female protagonist struggling to find their footing in adulthood being called the fuck out for their learned helplessness behavior, go read Tamberlane, it tackles this topic much better through its main character who keeps using her brokenness as an excuse to never do better, it slaps and it's so real.

[bardic-inspo]

WIP Thursday

Thank you so much for the recent WIP tags @starryjuicebox, @littlejuicebox, @elinorbard, and @locallegume. Seriously really touched you thought of me! 🥹💜💜

Toying with my ongoing Modify Memory WIP where Vampire Bride Tav has her memories re-set to pre-tadpole by a spell. Ascended Astarion is Upsetti Spaghetti about his spouse not remembering their relationship, and turns to old comrades for help. (Edit: working title for the fic is Memory Games).

“Don’t say it,” Astarion growls, fingernails dragging curls of wood from the table’s fine finish. Shadowheart sneers, impervious. “Loss is a gift.” Astarion’s hands fist in front of him. “How dare--” “Think, Astarion,” Shadowheart spits, exasperated. “Think of all you can leave behind. Think of how [Tav] came into her own power, her own abilities. All the hell she was dragged through to get here. You can rewrite all of it.” Astarion works the notion between his teeth clenched tight. Shadowheart laughs darkly. “Surely you can be suave enough to make her swoon for you a second time. You can still have her. Your little vampire wedding made sure of that, anyway. And she can have her power without all of the pain it took to get it. So, stop hurting yourself by trying to turn back time and take the damn gift.”

Tagging @dismalzelenka, @thedreamlessnights, and @bakuliwrites if you're working on something you wanna share/haven't shared already. No worries if you'd rather not!

If you want me to tag you to participate in future WIP writing tag games, you can give this post over here a like.

[blacktofade]

Gemtho Fortnight

Okay, so I didn't get to do Feb Fic Fest this year because work was trying to kill me, but my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, and I want to do something fun, especially since my brainworms are so bad right now. So, I want to try to do two weeks of Gemtho instead -- April 1st to April 14th.

What I need from all of y'all beautiful people is gemtho prompts! Want some nasty gemtho fic? Now's your chance. Anon, non anon, I don't mind! Send me your ideas! (Just be sure to specify if you want rpf or in-game fic otherwise I will pick for you and you might get upsetti spaghetti.)

If there are any prompts I'm not down with, I'll just ignore them, but I wrote fic about Gem getting fucked by a ravager and Etho jerking off about it so you can't scare me with your filth. Go buckwild.

If this flops and I get nothing, I'll just grab some of the prompts I wanted to use for Feb and run with it cause this is happening whether you guys want it to or not lmfao

EDIT: Okay you guys are bonkers and have sent me so many prompts already I'm sloppy kissing you all!! Feel free to keep sending them, but I'm going to have to pick and choose or maybe double up some days 💖

[engage-expressions]

Your Hiya Papaya Is Upsetti Spaghetti (edit: fixed the typo)

Chapter 6

Bonus:

[ironwhoore]

Dude get the hell out of other x reader tags with the Eddie fics. If we wanted to read Eddie we would go to his tag Jesus fucking Christ this fandom can't tag

someone’s a little upsetty spaghetti sorry babes probably WILL do it again xoxo (oops! it happened again! oh no!) it’s not that serious

edit: anon told me to off myself, love the internet sm

[sakuraoora]

Meet ILLUMIN8

Characters: Lumine [because she couldn't be a part of 5wirl], Keqing, Raiden Shogun/Ei, Yae Miko, Beidou, Lisa, Fischl, Kujou Sara, Kuki Shinobu

Warnings: Implied Raiden x Yae but it's not 100% confermed? Mostly just crackhead energy in this fanfic though!

Notes: I MADE THIS UP AFTER A 5WIRL FANFIC I WROTE JUST BECAUSE I WAS SO UPSETTI SPAGHETTI AFTER I REMEMBERED LUMINE ISN'T IN 5WIRL/4NEMO.... anyways about that 5wirl fanfic, i'll post that tomorrow!

Lumine is the founder of ILLUMIN8. She’s a lively girl, punctuated by her amber eyes and a kind personality.  Fans often see her in public towing Aether away from his manager that she’s sure he has feelings for. She’s very protective of her close friends and family.

Keqing is one of the more responsible ones, along with Yae. She’s a very hard worker, and her fans are really wholesome and usually love making edits of her! Keqing’s known for iconic hairstyle that many say mers her look like a cat-girl.  Nya! 🐱

Raiden Ei is a well known singer, even before she joined ILLUMIN8. Her life has been highlighted by tragedy, losing her childhood friends and even her older sister, so she pours her heart and soul into her songs and singing, often having tears prick her eyes as she sings. Raiden is also known for her song, Double / Trouble, but mostly her looks. She and Yae are the oldest in the group (they may or may not be in a romantic relationship… tehe).

Yae Miko is the fanfic consumer of the group. Previously a publisher, she takes interest in writing. From fluff to angst to alpha/beta/omega dynamics, she’s seen them all. Yae aso enjoys writing fanfics once in a while. Yae has a whole fanbase simping over her voice… I mean, it is really silky. She calls herself “as sly as a fox”.

Beidou is known as ‘captain_crux’ on her streaming platform, and sometimes streams with Kazuha. Beidou prefers action games, and she sometimes vlogs herself with ILLUMIN8 just being tourists and visiting places.

Lisa is the so-called self and fan proclaimed ‘Mom’ of the group. She’s known for being flirtatious and *slightly* suggestive- but it's all in good fun. She wore a witch costume for halloween once, and longtime Lisa simps still say that she ‘bewitched’ them.

Fischl is known as a chunibyo, for having such a superstitious attitude and style. She’s also the youngest member of ILLUMIN8, and her signature laughing style/pose is ICONIC throughout the industry.

Kujou Sara is, without a doubt, the most mature, or at least organized out of the members of ILLUMIN8. Before joining, she was known as “Raiden’s right hand” because of how she handled all of Raiden’s important matters, as well as how her family’s been Raiden’s secretary for years. Very well versed in business and battle tactics because “it was a hobby of mine.”

Kuki Shinobu is ILLUMIN8’s manager, with the right to say that she’s more organized than Sara, booking all of ILLUMIN8’s events, flights, interviews, hotels, and handling all of their communications and more, so she’s always busy. Kuki is known throughout the group as “the jack of all trades” because she seems to be able to do anything she wants to do. She’s even got law experience from being the Arataki Gang’s old manager. Needless to say, Kuki is a very hard worker.

A/N: Thank you for reading the whole fic! If you want to read more, please pay a visit to my genshin masterlist!

[give-soup-please]

Personal Message From The Narrator FAQs

Heya! really happy to see the positive response I got to posting the commission I got from Kevan Brighting. Many people have been asking similar questions, so I thought I could group them in one spot.

1. How much did this cost?

865 pounds, which is almost 1100 dollars. It was around 495 pounds for the script as is, and the rest was paying for licenced use on Tumblr. If you feel like pursuing your own project, price will vary depending on how long it is and whether its for personal use or public use. Price also varies based on which country you’re in, for strange and unknowable tax reasons. (VAT? I don’t understand these things at all) 

2. Can I use this recording/repurpose it for my own project?

Sorry, no. The licence I have forbids me from using it for commercial projects because they want you to have a different licence if you’re going to make a profit from his work. So please don’t upload it with copyrighted music to Youtube, or anywhere that would violate that rule. I can’t edit clips from the audio either, as far as I can tell, so please don’t ask. It took a lot of money to get the commission, I can’t afford a legal battle if this gets out of hand. I have trouble reading legalese, so if something changes, you guys will be the first to know. Otherwise, please don’t touch it. 

3. What’s with the mention of an ‘original script’?

The original script I sent in was different from the final project. There was a lot of mentions of elements from the stanley parable game. Unfortunately, the contract that Kevan has between himself and crowscrowscrows means that he can’t mention the game directly. Some sort of copyright issue that makes things complicated. I ended up rewriting it so it wouldn’t violate the contract he’s under. If people request it, I will post the OG script for everyone to look at. Though it may make you upsetti spaghetti, because the OG script I wrote was really cool. 

4. If it was that expensive, why did you do it?

There were a lot of reasons. This was a message I needed to hear myself. Without going into too much detail, I don’t come from the friendliest of homes. While I was debating pursuing the project, a family member told me that I was dumb, and that I was lazy, and that if I had enough spare money to afford a commission like this that my job was paying me too much. She said a couple of other things, but i’ll leave it at that. I decided to go for it after that because I needed a strong and wonderful voice to drown out what had been said. and... our beloved narrator has one of the strongest and most wonderful voices around.

The other reason I did it is because I am not immune to the parasocial relationships that form on tumblr. It takes a lot for me to follow someone, so I do a lot of lurking. I recognized many people who I had come to appreciate within the fandom were struggling with various problems. You are beautiful, wonderful people, and I’m not someone who can contribute easily to a fandom space. My art skills are lacking, and writing for the narrator is very difficult because I have such a need to get his character right. My interpretation is that he’s someone with a lovely heart who’s got a whole bunch of ego and anxiety on top of that. He’s someone who desires affection and praise but is unable to directly ask for it. (#RELATABLE) I also imagine it’s difficult for him to comfort others, because vulnerability is hard, whether giving or receiving. He’s really complex, and hard to write for, so I can’t do that easily either. The amount of time it took to write the script and keep it in character was way longer than I’m willing to admit to. But posting the commission I got was within my ability. This is my contribution to the community here. I hope it helps everyone get through another day, because we all deserve that much. (maybe i’ll rant about this in another separate post, but this is already getting long, so...)

5. How were you able to afford it?

It wasn’t easy. I am a full time college student with a part time job that’s slightly above minimum wage. It’s been my dream to commission something like this since 2013. I’ve been squirreling away bits and pieces for a very long time. I am not rich by any means. Which leads to an unfortunate question...

6. Will you do this again?

Unless I get a job with an excellent salary or win the lottery, it’s a firm no. If I had the funds, I would immediately write more and more, and drown us all in comfort. I want to make it absolutely clear, Kevan Brighting deserves to be fairly compensated for the work he does. But his work is not something I can afford on a regular basis. I got lucky having the resources I have, and having the wiggle room to do this was a miracle. If he doesn’t retire by the time I’ve saved up enough to do it again, maybe I’ll consider it. But realistically, this was a “once in a lifetime” project.

7. Can you accept donations based on this project?

Nope. I am doing my absolute best to err on the side of caution for this, because again, I will not survive first contact with a lawyer. I believe donations may fall under some sort of commercial use indirectly, so we can’t do that either. You are welcome to donate to me on my Kofi, but it can’t be because of the recording. 

8. Was it worth it?

Yup. 

9. Are you sure?

There’s no doubt in my mind that this was the right thing to do. Based on the responses i’ve seen, this was something we needed. I’ve been listening to it on loop since it appeared in my inbox last night. Honestly, I consider myself lucky that Kevan did such an incredible job on it. I fretted and debated over the script when I sent it in, wondering if I had pushed his characterisation too far, because the narrator in my mind plays the “lovable asshole” trope very well, and it is a really hard balance to maintain. Kevan smashed it out of the park. He carried the script, making the lines I wondered most about sound believable. I believe deep down that the narrator cares for his audience, and getting that side of him to show was beautiful.  

(And feel free to pop in the inbox/chat to say hi. I love ranting about this game, so don’t be shy.)

[thewholedamnboulangerie]

10, 16 & 17!✨

hiiiiiii Darcey 🥰🧙✨

10) Something that made you cry this year?

Thinking about it, it hasn’t been a very crying-heavy year! However I DID have a very memorable week of being upsetti spaghetti in January when I decided to finally process an uhhhh not-great thing that had happened almost exactly a year beforehand, during the week between Bad Buddy eps 11 and 12 airing, aka the week that the entire cast and crew were teasing the fandom with the possibility of a sad ending for the show, thus creating a mini solar storm of Big Sad. Which, frankly, was an excellent strategy! Getting the least emotionally stable week of 2022 done and dusted right out the gate and freeing up the rest of the year for Good and Nice times! 💕

16) Post a picture from the beginning of the year

Okay so I didn’t take very many photos at the beginning of the year so this was a struggle but I DID find this lil edit I did of my fwen’s cat and it is still in fact, objectively, the finest artwork I’ve ever made!!!

17) Post a picture from the end of the year

In recent weeks I’ve been to both a light show and a lil walkies up into the local mountains so here are a couple of pics from those! Plus an extra cute Sasha 🥺

Ask me questions!!

[baladric]

💘💫🤍🪄 🦋 for the ask thing!

ehehe thank u anon!!!!

💘 Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

honestly kind of all of them? i am chronically dissatisfied with my end products—mostly because i look back at them and see nothing so much as pacing issues, and a propensity to attribute too much emotional intelligence to my pov characters. i'm not going to rewrite them, but if i had a perfect world and limitless time, i'd rework both Sweet Hope and a pearl in my hand. they're both so good, but they could be so much better :')

💫 What is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

i'm very partial to the comments that involve people quoting the bits that personally victimized them >:3c with a very loud shout-out to the wildly sincere and personal ones—i write because reading has helped me through every hard moment in my life, and hearing that i've given that gift to other people means the fucking world to me

🤍 What's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

i think generally people pick up what i'm laying down, but one thing that irks me a little is a minor trend of people reading Sweet Hope and walking out with the "Maia Drazhar Is An UwU Cinnamon Roll" thing still lodged in their heads. as a person who's been categorized by many abusers/toxic loved ones as A Faultless Ray Of Sunshine, i can say that it's an awful, awful place to be, and unfortunately i take my job as Disillusioner Of Maia Drazhar's Fawn Image very personally whoops, which was kind of a central motivator for me in writing that story? like that's one of the core themes, right? maia's aunt attributes a faultless and innate Goodness™ to maia, and everyone gets Upsetti about that because they all recognize that maia chooses to be good, though he has every reason in the world to be callous and cruel—and that it's the deliberate choice of compassion and consideration that defines him, and not some like. idk built-in Sweetness Coding. he is not good or sweet—he chooses goodness and sweetness, and that distinction is very, very important to me, and to my interpretation of maia, because it allows for the complexity of human (elvish lmao) error. he doesn't always say the right thing, nor should he be expected to by those closest to him. he doesn't always make the correct choice, nor does anyone. so like. idk!! he's not A Cinnamon Roll!!! that is very reductive to me and rubs me very wrong!!!!!!!!

🪄 What is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

if it's a longer fic, there is a great deal of celebratory shouting and probably some excited dancing, followed by a jittery lap around the house before obsessively refreshing the fic page to watch the hits go up lmaooooo. for ficlets, i tend to say "NICE" very loudly, drop it and go do something else with a warm ember of satisfaction in my heart. usually there is a little drink involved in both of these.

🦋 What are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

oh boy uhh, everything kind of!! i worry a lot about my characterizations, bc i definitely have Opinions and i've come this far without getting my ass cancelled but i do worry about dumb stuff like oh no what if people don't like that i refuse to believe goblin emperor elves are all Literally paper-white and perfectly blonde or shit i shouldn't have leaned so hard into selectively mute link. and i do worry too about the self-indulgent Breakdown parts of my writing, eg the whole scene in Sweet Hope of maia breaking down at the opera or the big in pearl in my hand where link wigs the fuck out on sidon. those always feel too loud to me, somehow, like i've allowed myself and my characters too much license or awareness or Clarity or something? i usually refuse to reread those parts of stories tbh. like i'll do a cursory editing pass and then never ever touch those sections again bc i just get so embarrassed ;alkdfjwa;d

fic writer ask meme!!

[maybeimhere]

Twisted Wonderland IRL, no magic + Americanized [Students Edition]

The inspiration came from a discord call where it somehow landed on this topic, so I figured why not subject everyone else to it

RIP your faves in advance bc they’re all getting dragged across the pavement 🪦

Note: There’s (a lot of) swearing and maybe mentions of bullying and there’s literally a line abt someone’s uncle being in jail for murder-

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts

Listen, we’ve all seen this bitch

He’s the fucking teacher’s pet

Don’t lie- you’ve probably thought about punching him or pushing him down the stairs at least once

He’s literally the kid who’d go “Teacher! This person’s cheating!” “Teacher! This person’s on their phone!” And on god, the teachers are also sick of him

You find out he’s got a rough life at home and go “yeah, that checks out” or some shit (this could literally apply to any one of these bitches actually)

Definitely joined the student council and tries too hard to enforce school policies and rules (and ofc no one cares)

I’m convinced he’d smell like cheese or bologna/baloney

Trey Clover

This guy is just the guy ever™️ when you first see him

He’ll be so fucking normal, you don’t expect anything off about him

But when you’re working with him on a project, you’ll hear him mumble the most fucked up, unhinged shit you’ve ever heard from anyone in your life

Bro, this bitch definitely has an uncle who went to jail for murder

I swear to god, this bitch would’ve also slipped some drugs into a bake sale and somehow get away with it

Anyway, don’t be alone in a room with him- he’d casually tell you about some fucked up shit or say smth so out of pocket you’ll be shocked and disturbed for like the next thirty years

Cater Diamond

He always updates his snapchat story every fucking second

This bitch absolutely posts pictures and videos of people without their permission- we’ve all seen his ass in the first chapter

Would absolutely film tiktoks in the middle of class

Would also block the doors and hallways for videos or pictures to post on social media (he a bitch for that)

He would definitely be doing the school announcements/news because fucking look at him

Oh yeah, and a guaranteed fuckboy too- can’t forget that

“Vote me for homecoming king!” And he gets like one vote that’s just from himself

Ace Trappola

He’s absolutely the kid who talks obnoxiously loudly with his buddies in class, in the halls, the cafeteria- everywhere really

Would also not pay attention during class and then have the fucking audacity to ask if he could copy your work

Absolutely got suspended at least once for fighting someone in the hallway (Riddle or Deuce: you choose)

I feel like he’d be trying to do one of those prank videos that aren’t even funny at all- it’s just pure cringe

This bitch still has leftover axe body spray from when he was in middle school

Deuce Spade

“Oh wow, look at this guy! He seems to know what he’s doin- never mind, he’s just crying”

This guy is fighting for his life in most classes because even though he’d take notes and pay attention to the lecture, he still has no clue wtf is going on

I feel like he’d love robotics class if that’s available, maybe woodworking too

Is the (main) friend Ace talks to in class

This guy would definitely fight a bully if he encountered one and would get suspended as a result (he was upsetti-spaghetti about it for days)

Savanaclaw

Leona Kingscholar

Almost always absent or tardy- he just sleeps while he’s there

He’s the guy you’d think doesn’t care enough to get good grades but then you find out he’s aced the test or smth

You’re doing all the work if you got him as a partner for a group project- his name is on there too for decor

He’s captain of the football team

You’re fucking dead if you’re in the same PE class as him bc this guy can and will wreck your shit without trying

If there’s a class for woodworking, he’d be in there

Ruggie Bucchi

Don’t let him borrow anything unless you’re willing to permanently part ways with that object

Definitely started a side hustle where he’d give people snacks if they pay him- got busted for it too

Cafeteria food enjoyer

He definitely has a collection at home consisting of all the shit people have dropped in hallways and classrooms (pencils, erasers, lead, that sort of stuff)

Jack Howl

You thought he was the typical jock from movies but surprise- he has more than just muscles and balls floating around in his head

Deadass intimidating at first and looks like he’d pummel you if you bump into him in the halls, but this is the guy who’d help pick up your shit if you drop anything

Dude’s got all A grades

Probably has an honors class somewhere in his schedule too

Octavinelle

Azul Ashengrotto

He definitely runs a social media account for the school and another where he spreads rumors

Works at the school store selling tickets for school events and school merch

He’s the guy you find working at McDonald’s or Starbucks after school and on weekends

You could definitely sense the potential school shooter in him

Jade Leech

You just don’t feel safe as soon as he enters the room

Bro could be like “let’s compare our work :)” and you’d still feel like he’d murder you and leave your remains in the woods

There’s definitely some sort of rumor that’s been floating around since freshman year about how he was once arrested for assault

Floyd Leech

Long man’s just ignoring the teachers and either showing up late or not at all

Y’all remember the “devious lick” trend? Yeah- now imagine Floyd and the field day he’d be having with that

Probably was the reason the school had a lockdown once (they found smth sus in his bag lmao)

Probably the kid who vapes in the bathroom- might smoke weed in there too

Scarabia

Kalim Al-Asim

Another loud mf in class but with people crowding around his desk before class, during work time, and during the last few minutes of class

If you sit next to him, you’d either be socializing and not doing your work or you’re just fucking dead (maybe you went to sit somewhere else the second you got the chance)

Would absolutely ask to copy your work and borrow your notes (the notes are only back and in shape because of Jamil)

He’d be eating in class and offering to share some with the people nearby

Somehow, he’s not on every teacher’s shit list

Jamil Viper

He’s just a guy

And then you see him blowing everyone out of the water with his sick ass choreo during a pep rally or talent show if the school has that

If he’s enabled to reach his full potential, then he’d be taking honors and AP courses

Pomefiore

Vil Schoenheit

You see/hear his name nearly everywhere bc he sometimes does school announcements, news videos, probably in the yearbook committee too, and because this is Vil, he’d be in the drama club

He does everything at this rate- he’s got more school spirit than anyone else for that alone

You can’t escape the 6’0 tall white man and his stilettos

Anyway, he’s also popular on social media bc he still got his modeling career outside of school

You’d think he doesn’t really do any work himself until you see him come into class tired because it turns out he’s spent nearly the whole night studying and reviewing his work for the test in class

Rook Hunt

Listen, this guy would absolutely get jumped by the football team

He stalked someone enough to where their discomfort evolved into a physical and violent confrontation lmao

That aside, this is the guy who stares at people throughout class

Maybe he sketches people, but he’s definitely sneaking some pics in to add to his collection

Shit reputation but at least his grades are nice (A to B range)

Epel Felmier

“Oh wow, he’s so pretty and cute-“ and then you find out he got arrested for stabbing someone like halfway through the school year

He keeps to himself and just does his work

Bro got dragged into the gay club (the GSA/Gay Straight Alliance or the drama club? Who knows 🤷‍♀️)

Definitely did that middle schooler thing where he jumps to smack the top of a doorway during his freshman year

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud

Distance/online learning

He does that partly because he’s agoraphobic and also because he got the shit bullied out of him back in middle school for doing Danganronpa poses and saying their voice lines (basically, it’s because he was doing weeb shit)

He won’t even show up for graduation

Last time he showed up on campus, he almost got arrested because he looked like a school shooter or because people didn’t realize he’s a student

Bro doesn’t even show up for any online meetings because he’s streaming on twitch

Ortho Shroud

Who is this freshman and what’s with the vibes?

He’s a friendly lad but you’ve probably seen a knife fall from his pocket before lmao

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia

You remove the horns and all you get is a goth guy 💀

Let’s be real, no one talks to him and don’t say you will unless you legit have balls of steel because this guy is within the range of too intimidating, it’s one of those things where it’s like “he’s so hot and mysterious😍 but how do I approach him 🤔”, or it’s the weird rumors listed after this

There’s a rumor about him killing someone over the summer

And another stemming from middle school about how he has no interest in people because he wants to fuck a gargoyle

And another that ended up with staff members having to look through his bag because someone spread a rumor about him either carrying a weapon to school or that there’s a dead animal in his bag

You only realize he’s just a bit weird but not in the fucked up rumors way when you get paired with him for a project lmao

Lilia Vanrouge

AP history

I feel like he managed to flood one of the bathrooms at least once

He’d also have crazy life stories to share like maybe he was home alone when someone broke into his house and he almost died

Don’t let him drive because he has the energy of someone who’d play bumper cars on the freeway

Silver

Either he’s just narcoleptic or it’s because he’s pulled an all-nighter for the nth time that week

He’s a chill enough guy who wouldn’t bother anybody

He wouldn’t even ask to copy your work- he’ll just ask to borrow your notes and return them when he’s done

Sebek Zigvolt

The racist white kid

He’ll be the fucker who cuts off the teacher mid-lecture just to ask some kind of question that makes him sound like a little smartass

Imagine he tries to justify slavery 💀

Definitely got punched at least once during the school year

He’s in the debate club 👁️

RSA

Alchemi Alchemivich Pinka (Che’nya)

Either he’s not even a student at your school but still somehow finds a way in and gets away with it, or he does go to your school but his attendance is a mystery

Either way, he’d show up wearing some really obscure outfits and it’d only get weirder during school spirit week

With or without school spirit week though, he’ll show up with swim trunks, a Hawaiian shirt, a flamingo floaty, and flippers on for one of the days in the school year (bonus if it’s in the middle of winter)

Lmao imagine he wins homecoming king and pulls up in the goofiest outfit possible

He got that vaper energy to him, so maybe he’s vaping in the piss chambers or in his car

He can drive and has his own car but it looks so extra

Neige LeBlanche

He gives the impression of a very sheltered and naive freshman, but then you realize he’s actually a junior and you have to wonder how he still hasn’t had some sort of existential crisis yet

He would’ve been forgettable if it weren’t for the fact that you hear/see his name everywhere along with Vil

He’s definitely been hit with so many deez nuts jokes because he falls for them so many times

You’re not getting the dwarves bc I don’t care about them (sorry bros)

Lmao you can tell I was running out of thoughts like half way through.

Anyway, that’s all the slander for now. Feel free to share your thoughts on these takes 👍