#Harry styles ongoing

[dont-call-me-baby-posts]

Blacking Out and Breaking Hearts - Chapter 36

Blacking Out and Breaking Hearts - Master List

Word Count: 21K (I'm SORRY)

Warnings: Brief mention of the whole Anders thing. They talk about a lot of ~feelings~ in this one! Also you already know there's a bit of smut sprinkled in because I mean ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(If you want more smut just wait for the next one because, you guessed it, it's gonna be straight fuckinnn)

Summary: Y/N is a successful musician, trying to navigate the world of stardom along with her complicated feelings for her best friend, Harry.

Alternatively: The one where they talk about their feelings and they *don't* have sex.

A/N: IM BAAAAAAAACK! Did ya miss me????????

Besties let me be straight up it has NOT been Molly's hottest few weeks/months/however long its been. Definitely not on my hot girl shit. I can't apologize enough. tbh I don't really like this chapter very much, but I've been trying to write it for so long I just will never be happy with it at this point. Please be gentle with me. also please lmk what you think!!!! Next chapter will be a continuation of this and then we'll have the epilogue chapters which I am actually STOKED about!!!!!!!

Chapter 36

The first thing you noticed when you woke up the next morning was how cold it was. 

The windows had been left open overnight, the thin white curtains of Harry’s bedroom thrashing around with every gust that came into the room. It was one of those moments where waking up seemed to happen in slow motion, where your brain revved to life like the old computer your parents used to keep in the kitchen when you were a kid. You let out an exhausted breath, already aware that you were waking up far too early for how late you’d been up, as your brain just ticked… ticked… ticked. 

Your eyes were somehow dry and wet when you blinked them open, your eyelids scratching against your eyes with every flutter. Your throat was in similar condition, sharp stings radiating down with every swallow. It really was nice leaving the windows open, but you were always reminded of the fact that you had absolutely dreadful seasonal allergies the moment you were pulled out of your slumber. 

Your brain was still cold and slow when you realized the weight on your chest. Once you noticed it there, though, everything came crashing down around you in the most beautiful and tragic way. All of those puzzle pieces you thought about so much came tumbling down from the ceiling and onto the comforter you were wrapped in and you were hit like a mack truck by the sudden realization that you were in Harry’s room. In Harry’s bed. And it was Harry that was weighing down your chest.

You always knew you were a sap, maybe not as bad as someone like Logan who cried over everything, but a sap nonetheless. Still, you were rattled to your core when your very first reaction was a tightening of your throat. You had slept flat on your back, waking up now to find Harry nuzzled onto your chest with a leg thrown over yours. He had one had smooshed between his cheek and your chest, his lips slightly parted with sleep, and the other hand wound around yours, finger threaded together like a cross stitch. He was completely zonked, passed out cold as his head raised slightly with each of your unsteady breaths. 

He was still here. 

You couldn’t have described the feelings that coursed through you if you tried. You were equally parts relieved and devastated. It was beautiful and tragic. It was like you were a whole person again, but on the verge of shattering completely given one more gust of wind through the window to your right. 

It was beautiful because he was here. With you. He hadn’t gotten up to run away in the night, and he hadn’t woken you up to tell you off, either. He looked so peaceful, that soft look on his face you had been longing for and dreaming of for months now. 

It was tragic because, with the events of yesterday officially behind you, you had no way of knowing what today had in store for you. Maybe Harry would wake up with a clearer head, having finally gotten what he wanted out of you. Maybe he would roll over and tell you you needed to leave and not come back, that you needed to call Bethany and go to that house she had finally managed to find for you. 

There was a war waging inside your head less than two minutes after you’d woken up. You replayed every conversation and every interaction from yesterday, and the week leading up to it. You believed, with everything in your cracked and hollow chest, that Harry meant what he said when he said he loved you. You believed that he wanted you to stay and that he had missed you just as hopelessly as you’d missed him. But what if, as much as he meant those things, he ended up having a change of heart? The entire thing was too good to be true and you knew it, so you laid as painfully still as you could, taking breaths so shallow it made your head spin, hoping you could keep Harry asleep just a bit longer. That maybe you could draw this moment out, just for a while. You could stay in this in between, this not-knowing, for even a minute more. 

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, and you didn’t dare reach for your phone and jostle Harry from his spot wrapped around you. You just laid there, focusing on the sounds of your breathing mixing with his, trying your best to soak in what was left of him. Harry, who was always fleeting. Harry, who was always temporary. Harry, who never seemed to stay for long even when he said he wanted to. You decided silently that you would take what you could get, even if it was only five more minutes with him. If he woke up and it was all over, you could die happy. Because at least you got those five minutes. 

You must have done such a good job pretending to be asleep that you eventually did fall back to sleep, being woken up just as slowly as you’d woken up the first time. This time, though, it wasn’t the sounds of the curtains that wormed their way into your sleep. It was a voice. 

“I missed you so much…” You heard from beside you. The weight that you’d felt earlier was still there on your chest, but this time it was accompanied by a hand on your cheek, barely fluttering against your skin. “Please don’t change your mind when you wake up. I want you to stay, Sunflower. You have to stay, okay?”

His voice was so low you could barely tell if you were hearing him correctly. You sucked in a breath, shifting your body slightly so your face pressed into the pillow. You played it off like you were just wiggling in your sleep, and Harry seemed to fall for it, because his little murmurings only continued. You tried your best to listen, his voice muffled slightly as he brought his words to your neck, almost kissing you but just barely grazing your skin. 

“I’m going to be so much better. I promise I will be.” You could just manage to make out, the feeling of Harry’s mouth on your neck almost distracting enough for you to tune him out entirely and focus solely on the sensation. You could feel him breathing against you, his free hand still holding yours tightly. He spoke for a while longer, all of the words kept secret for only him and the mattress to hear before he laid his head back down on your chest with a little nuzzle. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Sunflower. I missed you so much… Please wake up and be nice to me. Please stay. Please say you’ll stay…”

Eventually his voice trailed off entirely as you continued pretending to snooze, Harry’s hands taking it’s place in soothing every cracked and broken part of you as they skirted across your face and your hands and your arms. He didn’t lay a hand on your chest or abdomen or anywhere on your legs, making sure to keep every touch as gentle and acceptable as possible. You could feel his fingers tracing over the familiar pattern of the freckles on your forearm, connecting the dots as his breathing harmonized with the wind. 

After what felt like an eternity, you couldn’t stand the waiting anymore and let your eyes flutter open again. You didn’t want Harry to know you had heard what he’d been saying, worried you might embarrass him, but you couldn’t stand thinking he was feeling the same way about you as you did about him. Like you might change your mind. Like you might not have meant all of the little, lovesick things you’d mumbled to each other the night before. 

You turned your head to face Harry, who was now completely still on your chest, pressing a kiss onto his forehead. You wondered if he might have fallen back to sleep, but as soon as your lips met the sleepiness of his skin he was turning his chin up towards yours. His eyes were wide like saucers when they looked up to meet yours, his expression a cross between panicked and excited and barely awake. His eyes were still puffy and tired, his cheeks that shade of rose they normally were when he passed out on the couch or took a nap on your lap. He blinked at you for a second before barely letting his mouth turn up in a smile. 

“Hi.” He whispered.

“Hi.” You whispered back.

Things were quiet then, the air of the room moving around you like someone brushing your arm at a party. You both breathed a little unevenly, as if on the edge of some cliff that neither of you were brave enough to be the first to jump off of. Just as you opened your mouth to speak, Harry did the same. 

“You first.” You giggled, trying to squashed the part of your stomach that was twisting and thrashing around with nerves. You didn���t dare lift your hands to touch him, keeping them pressed where they were on either side of you. 

“You first.” Harry parroted, shaking his head softly. His curls fell down onto his forehead, kissing his eyebrows. You sucked in a breath as quietly as you could, wondering if Harry could feel your heart pounding under him. 

“Did you sleep okay?” You settled on asking, not sure what the fuck else you were supposed to say in a situation like this. The unease in the room permeated the blankets and made your legs and hips ache, that same tension that had constricted your blood vessels since you got here back full force as you waited for him to say something, anything. 

“I slept really well, actually.” Harry nodded, lifting himself on an elbow as he let out a yawn. “How did you sleep? You didn’t have any nightmares, did you?”

You were flustered and flattered at the same time when he said it. You shook your head softly. “No nightmares, no. I slept really well.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

Harry’s eyes never left yours, and you had to resist the urge to pry yours away. You couldn’t stand the way he was looking at you, so soft and expectant. So beautiful. It made you sick to your stomach and you tried desperately to think of something, anything to say to him to ease the tightness you felt all over. You wracked your brain, trying to come up with some kind of small talk, only to come up with nothing. You were about to give up entirely, to throw yourself into his chest and just forget talking all together when Harry finally spoke.

“You regret it.” He spit out, suddenly sitting up in the bed next to you. The motion stirred the covers on you, letting a cool blast of air hit your exposed legs. “It’s okay if you do. I’m not mad or anything, I swear. I’ll just, uh, I can call Bethany for you if you want and we can figure something out-”

“What are you talking about?” You shot back just as urgently, sitting up so you were face to face with Harry. He didn’t say anything, his face just silently heating. “I don’t want to leave, Harry. I didn’t- I don’t-” The words caught themselves in your throat, and you had to swallow once to clear the way for them to come out. “I didn’t change my mind.”

Harry’s expression didn’t change, still just as serious and uncomfortable as it had been. “You didn’t?”

“I didn’t.” You agreed. You tucked your hair behind your ears, tugging the blanket up to at least cover your lap. “Did you?”

Harry shook his head violently, reaching out to grab your shoulder. “No! What? No, of course I didn’t!” He promised, yanking his hand away as if he had realized what he was doing. He looked back and forth between his hand and your face for a second, as if in shock. “I promise I didn’t. I meant all of it, everything. I meant every word of it.”

You felt that pain in your throat again, the kind you always got when your neck started to warm with tears. You swallowed it down, not wanting to make an absolute fool out of yourself and have Harry think you were completely crazy. You took too long trying to compose yourself, Harry scooting himself closer to you and reaching out like he might touch you again but stopping just short of making contact. 

“I told you I would only say the things I meant.” He whispered, eyes flickering between the two of yours. “And I meant all of it. Every single thing.”

Your entire body betrayed you as a broken smile made its way onto your face, your spine folding so that you were collapsing into Harry’s chest. His arms were immediately wrapped around you, his hands smoothing over your back and your arms as your eyes continued to water just enough to be noticeable. 

“I meant it, too.” You whispered into his neck, pressing the faintest kiss you could fathom right over his heartbeat. “I don’t want to go, Harry, I don’t. I don’t, I don’t…”

And just like that, whatever invisible wall had been built between you in the night shattered into a million tiny shards, Harry hands engulfing your face and pulling your mouth to his. He kissed you like he meant it, like he had been kept up all night thinking about it, his thumbs running softly under your eyes. You both let out relieved breaths, neither of you caring for the moment that you still needed to shower and brush your teeth. It only took a moment for Harry to lay you back down on your pillow, his body propped on an elbow next to you so that he could hover over your chest.

The kisses turned more feverish, as if both of you had a million things to say and just couldn’t find the words. Harry’s free hand slid down your cheek and onto your neck, pulling you up enough so that he could swallow every little noise you couldn’t help making. After an hour or maybe two minutes or maybe an entire day had passed, Harry let himself break the kiss, falling onto his side so that you were face to face, noses nearly touching. 

“I feel like I’m still asleep.” He murmured, voice hushed so that even the birds outside seemed to chirp louder. “Am I dreaming? I feel like I’m dreaming.”

You giggled like a school girl in love, reaching up to pinch Harry’s cheek. “You’re awake.” You breathed, smiling even harder as his dimples lit up his face. “I missed you.”

“I missed you so much more, Sunflower.” Harry insisted, leaning forward to kiss you firmly one more time. “I was so worried you would regret it. I couldn’t sleep last night because I kept thinking I would wake up and you would be gone.”

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. Promise.” 

Harry’s face reddened again at the nickname, his body visibly relaxing with the tiny confirmation that you’d meant what you said before. You reached out your pinky, only for your hand to be swatted away by Harry’s. He reached out his thumb instead, laughing airily as he watched your brows furrow. 

“It’s stronger than a pinky promise.” He clarified, moving his thumb forward again in an invitation for you to do that same. You did what he wanted and wrapped your thumb around his, gripping as tightly as you could with the single digit. Harry smiled, that young kind of smile he always pulled out just when it would hit you the hardest. 

“Promise?” He asked again, hand still connected to yours. You nodded your head, mentally making a list of every single thing you had to be grateful for that brought you exactly to this moment. This golden, fragile moment. 

“I promise.” You told him, meaning it more than you could have ever conveyed. 

///

The two of you didn’t move for at least another thirty minutes, kissing each others faces and telling each other about your dreams and brushing the hair out of the other’s tired eyes. You kissed for so long your lips started to tingle, the rest of your body following suit in a warm kind of daze. You almost felt high, you were so relaxed. Buzzing everywhere. 

“I have to pee so bad.” You said eventually, though you made no move to get up. Harry just kept kissing your face and your cheeks and your eyelids, humming like he heard you but also making no effort to let you out of his grip. When you physically couldn’t wait any longer, you pushed him away by this chest, scrunching your face away from his to avoid any further (and much appreciated) affection that might distract you from the problem at hand. “I seriously have to go.” You reiterated, earning a childish groan as Harry threw himself back onto his pillow. 

“I s’pose you’re not going to let me come with you?” Harry questioned, eyeing you as you braved the cold and stood up out of bed. You chuckled, trying to flatten out your hair as you shook your head. 

“I’ll be right back.” You told him, shivering slightly as the breeze knocked right through you. “I just need to brush my teeth and take a shower.”

Harry sat up then, furrowing his brow in a pout. “What? No.” He said, standing to get himself out of bed to follow you. “I want to shower with you.”

Harry moved passed you to the window, pushing the panes shut so at least a bit of the chill was removed from the room. You crossed your legs, bobbing up and down slightly, and gave a confused laugh. 

You wanted to be excited by the idea of showering with him. You were excited. But at the moment, you were entirely too preoccupied with trying not to pee on the floor that you couldn’t even wrap your mind around the idea. 

Before you could catch up, Harry was already starting off down the hallway. By the time you’d skittered off to the bathroom, he was already there with a toothbrush in hand. 

“Seriously, Harry, I have to pee so bad.” You whined, standing with your hands balled up in fists at your side as you watched him through the mirror. “Please go, just for a second. Please.”

Harry already had a mouthful of toothpaste before you could even finish your plea. He pulled the brush out, voice muffled and mouth full when he spoke matter-of-factly. 

“So go pee, then.” He shrugged.

“I can’t!” 

“Why?”

You stared at him through the mirror, rolling your eyes slightly. You were in so much pain at this point it was unbearable, your body literally shivering. Harry met your eyes again as he brushed, letting out a frustrated huff as he took in how shattered your expression was. 

“I don’t see what the issue is.” He mumbled, spitting into the sink and turning to face you fully. “I’ve literally seen you go to the bathroom with Logan, like, a thousand times before.”

“That’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“It just is!”

Harry stared at you, and you stared at him, neither of you breaking the stalemate for at least a painful five seconds. Finally, Harry sighed dramatically and stomped out of the bathroom, swinging the door closed behind him. You heard him grumble something about “being thrown out in the yard like a dog” as you scurried to yank your shorts down your legs. You barely managed to call out a strangled “Thank you!” before collapsing.

When you were done, hands washed and body much more relaxed, your threw the door back open to find Harry sitting just across the hall on the floor, hands covering his ears. You rolled your eyes at his dramatics, ushering him back inside with a tilt of your head. Harry, as annoyed as he tried to seem, was back on his feet in less than a second, following you back to the sink as he wrapped his arms around your waist. 

You brushed your teeth, a bit of a challenge with Harry stuck to your back and face shoved into your neck, but you managed. The more difficult part was when you attempted to wash your face, water splashing up and body barely free enough to lean down to the sink as you wiped your face clean. 

When you were finally done you turned to Harry, who immediately pressed fresh-breathed kisses to your mouth. You let it happen when he lifted you onto the counter, situating himself between your legs as his hands cradled your still slightly damp face. 

“Let's go back to bed.” He decided, making the suggestion as he bit softly on your neck. “We can just stay in bed all day. We’ll order a pizza or something if we get hungry.”

“You need to go on a run.” You reminded him, only earning another dramatic groan from him. “And we need to make breakfast first. And I have to call my mom today, and I have an interview later…”

“Later when?”

You pulled away, realizing Harry was dead serious. His hands never left you as you two spoke, always touching you somewhere on your arms or legs or face. You took a deep breath, running your hands through your hair. 

“Well, I have the interview at 4.”

“That’s hours away!” Harry scoffed, throwing his head back. “We have all day!”

“Yeah, but I have a lot to do before then!” You threw back just as incredulously. “I have to shower and call my mom and I need to do my makeup and get dressed…”

Harry, seemingly without hearing a word out of your mouth, was already hoisting you up into his arms and wrapping your legs around his middle. He spun you around, carrying you out into the hallway. 

“You think too much.” He spoke, lips brushing the shell of your ear. “And you can say all you want but there is no way I am leaving this house today. Fuck my run.”

And before you knew it you were being tossed back into your bed, the bed you now shared with Harry, being swallowed by the comforters and warm arms. 

You wanted to fight it harder, but you couldn’t bring yourself to actually do it. How could you, when he smelled so good and he kept whispering those things to you? How could you possibly go anywhere when he was kissing your neck like this? He was the moon afterall. You were helpless not to get sucked in with the tide. 

///

The night before had been one hazy, lovedrunk, daydream. 

After Harry had run off to find you some clothes, you had taken the time to look at yourself in the mirror. You took in the way your skin was glowing, the way your hands shook as they pushed the hair off your shoulders, the way your neck was absolutely devastated by bite marks. You crossed your arms over your chest, feeling somehow even more exposed now that you were alone to look at yourself, barely suppressing the giggles that threatened to rise out of your throat. You were only pulled out of your daze when Harry came back in a moment later, hands still empty.

“I changed my mind.” He said hastily, pulling you into a kiss harshly. “I don’t want you to get dressed yet. I want you to stay just-” He kissed your cheek firmly. “Like-” and then your neck. “This.” and finally your mouth again. You both were totally hopeless and stupid and soft, giggling into each other and smilling so hard you could barely connect your lips no matter how badly you wanted to. 

The rest of the night went a lot like that, hours slipping by without you even noticing as you and Harry talked about everything under the sun. Your plans to order celebratory pizza were forgotten, along with your bubble bath, almost as soon as you both had curled up under the covers. “We’ll just stay here for a minute.” Harry had said after pulling you out of the bathroom. “Then we’ll take our bath.”

But a minute turned into hours and before you knew it you had spent the entire night doing everything and nothing at the same time. It was at least an hour before Harry had finally given you some clothes to put on, (you were complaining that you were cold, which was the honest truth), and after that you and Harry found yourself in every corner of the house. The one promise that Harry did end up keeping, to no one’s surprise, was the champagne that showed up on your doorstep. Or, Harry’s doorstep. (You flinched for a second, recoiling at the fact that you were so swept away in the moment that you’d forgotten this was Harry’s house and not your own. You felt a tiny tingle of panic at the thought, but you brushed it off.)

You and Harry talked about everything. Even after spending much of the past week catching each other up on what they had missed, it turned out there were still quite a few things to be shared. Things that you both could actually bring yourselves to say now. Things you couldn’t possibly have confessed to the other before everything was out in the open. 

You ended up all over the place, sitting on the floor in the kitchen and laying on the dining room table and sitting on the patio outside. When you were still curled up in bed, not even dressed yet, you and Harry talked about love and relationships and what you both were looking forward to most having one another again. 

“We can do whatever we want now.” Harry was humming softly, stroking your hair as he peppered the top of your head with kisses. “We can go wherever we want to. I’ll take you to Italy… We’ll eat all the pasta we want to and we’ll go swimming and I have this house we can stay in that I always go to. And when the pandemic is over you and I can go visit your mom.” Harry gasped suddenly, propping himself up on an elbow. “And you can meet my mom, too! And my sister! You’d love them, I know you would.”

You couldn’t do anything but smile, pressing your cheek into Harry’s chest where he held you. He adjusted his grip on you, wrapping his arms around to stroke along the length of your back. 

“And we can have a big party with Anders and Logan and Rachel. And Logan can make those cupcakes she always makes, with the maple syrup in them. And her and Rachel won’t have to worry about anyone seeing them and we can-“

You perked up at that, your eyes widening instinctively at the mention of Logan and Rachel being a couple. You were trained at this point to sit on edge whenever their names came up together, and despite how nice the things falling from Harry’s lips were this was no different. 

“What do you mean?” You asked cautiously. You’d not said a word to Harry about them, keeping your promise to Logan even when it came to him. Harry narrowed his eyes at you, looking genuinely confused for a second. 

“About what? The cupcakes?” He asked, shaking his head softly. “We can ask her to bring something else, I just like those ones-“

“No-“ You stopped him, huffing out a short laugh at his hang up on the baked goods. “I mean about Logan and Rachel. What did you mean by that?”

Harry’s face flashed with recognition as he let out a hum of understanding. 

“I mean cause they’re a couple.” He said plainly, making your skin flash cold for a moment. “Did you think I didn’t know?”

“They’re not-“

“Logan told me about it.” Harry interjected, sensing your unease. “She told me about it a long time ago, actually. I assumed she would’ve told you that I knew by now.”

“She didn’t.” You scrunched your nose, shaking your head side to side. As far as you knew, Logan and Rachel’s families were the only ones who knew aside from you and Anders and Layla. (And by proxy, Max). You felt a tinge of jealousy, though you weren’t sure why, knowing Logan and Harry had been talking this entire time. It wasn’t a shock to you that it had come up. Still, you wondered how long ‘a long time’ was. “When did she tell you that?”

Harry sighed, gazing up at the ceiling. “Gosh… I don’t know. Like September, maybe?”

“September?” You barked, sitting up straighter. Harry flinched, eyes widening as he let out a soft ‘what?’. “She didn’t even tell me until after the Halloween party.”

“I’m sorry-“

“No, no.. It’s okay. I just figured…” Your voice trailed off, your mind replaying everything that had happened the last few months. “I figured she’d tell me first, is all. When did she tell you about it?”

“Don’t tell her I’m telling you this, okay?” Harry insisted. “She was just having a hard time and I remember after that sleepover at your parents house I had called her and asked her if she was okay. Cause you’d said she was being weird, and all…”

“Uh-huh…” You listened intently, trying all the whole not to take it personally how somehow Harry knew Logan’s biggest secret before you’d even seen it coming. 

“We talked for a while and she ended up coming over… And she wasn’t going to tell me but she was so upset and it just kind of came out.” Harry grimaced at the memory, eyes flickering across the room over your head. “And she made me swear not to tell, not even you. And I wasn’t going to be a prick and say anything, and she was so upset… I wanted to tell you, especially after the Halloween party, but I couldn’t tell you that I knew she wasn’t sleeping with Christian because then I’d have to tell you how I knew and… and I couldn’t, Sunflower. I’m sorry, I just-“

“Harry, don’t apologize!” You cut him off, smoothing the frown lines on his face with a kiss. “I’m not mad, I’m just… surprised, I guess.” You chewed on your lip for a while before shrugging. “I’m glad she had someone to talk to about it. I felt so guilty for being so mean to her..”

“She wasn’t mad.” Harry said quickly. “She knew what you would think, it was just a lot for her. She told me she wanted to tell you but she was just really scared.”

“I wish she wouldn’t have been..” You frowned, knowing fully well what a big deal it was to someone to come out but still wishing Logan would’ve known right away that you would’ve been supportive of her no matter what. Suddenly you squinted, a revelation dawning on you. “So even though I was freaking out about Christian and her, you didn’t say anything? Didn’t you think it would have made me listen to you after our fight?”

Harry looked shocked, offended even, that you would suggest it. He shook his head more aggressively this time as he spoke. “No. No way. I would’ve taken that to the grave if I had to.” He rushed out, shaking his head again for emphasis. “I wouldn’t have done that to her just because you were upset. I wish I could’ve, and I’m sorry you were so upset… I wish I could’ve helped but I just couldn’t-“

“It’s really okay! Really!” You promised, pressing a heated kiss to his lips. “You’re a great friend, Harry. Im glad she told you.”

You moved passed it after that, silently deciding not to mention it to Logan that you knew Harry knew until it came up on its own. As far as Logan knew you hadn’t uttered a word of it to anyone, and never would. A weight was lifted off of you in some weird way, having at least one other person you didn’t need to guard yourself around. Harry went on, having brushed over the whole thing, telling you more about what he’d do with you now that you were his ‘girlfriend’. (He made sure to emphasize the word each time he said it, drawing out the syllables and wrapping his lips delicately around the word in a smile). He told you how you two would go for walks and he would take you out on a proper date and you wouldn’t have to worry about who saw you. You didn’t dare bring up the fact that you still had both of your teams to think about, that there was still a lot to be discussed before anyone said anything publicly. He just looked so excited, you couldn’t bare squash it. 

By the time you’d ended up outside, both of you laying on your backs and staring up at the stars, you were both almost an entire bottle of champagne deep. The ground swayed underneath you as you tried to focus your attention on something solid; the feel of Harry’s hand holding yours, the shape of the trees in the distance, the sound of Harry’s voice. Harry didn’t move to look over at you when he spoke after a small stretch of silence, his body a puddle next to yours the same way you felt right now. He spoke suddenly, giving you no preamble before throwing his question at you. 

“Can I talk to you about something?” He asked, his voice rising up above your heads and stirring the stars that hung over you. You felt the words fall back down onto your tingly legs and your hands and your cheeks as you nodded. 

“Of course.” You breathed, rolling over a bit sloppily to look at him. Harry threw you a glance before turning back to the sky. “What is it?”

“You don’t have to look at me.” He said softly, hands toying with the strings of his hoodie. “It makes me nervous.”

And so silently you rolled back over, focusing again on the patterns you could see over your head. You wished you knew more about constellations and space and all of that so you could make sense of the shapes you were seeing. 

“I meant what I said when I told you I talked about you in therapy.” Harry started, his voice a low rumble in his chest. His fingers still twirled around with his strings, his unease basically pooling on the ground around him and seeping into your clothes. “But that’s not all I talked about. I talked about a lot of stuff, actually… Like, I talked about everything.”

You weren’t sure if this was a pause meant to be filled by you, so you left it empty. Harry crossed his legs and uncrossed then again, before settling on crossing them in the other direction. He was nearly as on edge as he had been at Margot’s house, the topic of therapy and what happened there still seeming to set his skin on fire when he thought of it. 

“I just don’t want you to think I wasn’t doing anything while we were broken up. And if you're worried that I’m just going to mess up again, I swear I won’t- or I’ll try not to- and, and… And I learned a lot, you know? I just want you to know that.” He let out a shaky breath, deciding for a few soft seconds what to say. “I just had a lot of stuff to work on and I know you’re probably mad but I need to- I just needed to figure it out, you know? And I’m not perfect yet or anything but I’m still working on it and I promise you I’ll be better this time. Okay? I promise.”

Harry had finally rolled over to look at you, gauging your reaction long enough to see you nod. He laid back down, speaking again before you had the chance to tell him not to apologize again. 

“I talked about the band, mostly.” He told you, his breath baited. Your skin prickled all over at the mention. Since you’d known him you and Harry had obviously spoken about One Direction here or there, but honestly he didn’t seem to like to bring it up that often. Mostly he’d tell you stories about going to Rome or things Niall had said to him or the pranks he used to pull on Liam. He never went deeper than that, and despite your curiosity you never pushed him further out of his depth. 

So, to hear him bring it up now, totally on his own… It instantly had your heart pounding. You weren’t even sure why, but the simple fact that he was comfortable enough to talk about it even though he hated it had you feeling a mix between apprehensive and flattered and straight up nervous. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You posed hesitantly, not wanting to ask for more than he was ready to give. Out of the corner of your eye you could see him crossing his arms behind his head, his chest rising in a shaky kind of way. 

“I do, yeah.” He barely forced out. “I’m sorry for ruining the mood, I just… I can’t talk to anyone about it and I haven’t even told Anders because I know it’ll break his heart. He’s, like, super into Midnight Memories right now…” Harry let out a short, tired laugh. “If you don’t want to listen to me you don’t have to. I just-“

“I want to hear it.” You told him, propping yourself up so that you could meet his eyes. “You can tell me anything.”

Harry just looked at you for a second before turning his head back to the sky. Then, after what felt like an eternity, he started to talk. 

And he talked for a long time. He talked about the band and you tried not to think about how your entire life had been a lie as he went on and on about all of the awful things he’d been through. You felt hot tears roll down your cheeks but you suffocated the sounds in your chest so he wouldn’t be able to tell.

“I didn’t hate it, though. I know I’m really lucky and I loved being in the band, it’s just…” He sighed, his voice verging on strained. “I was just a kid, you know? And I didn’t realize it before but I never… I didn’t… I didn’t ever really recover from that, you know? There were so many things that I didn’t get to do, and I know it’s stupid because I got to do so much, but I just feel like I missed out. Like I don’t even feel like a person sometimes.”

You sniffled once, blaming it quickly on your allergies and not on the emotions raging around you. “I’m really sorry.” Was all you could think to say. For what, you weren’t sure. Sorry you’d never asked him about it before. Sorry you had ever even listened to One Direction, or bought their tickets, or watched the interviews you knew now Harry had been so torn up during. Sorry it happened in the first place. 

“Don’t be.” Harry waved, shrugging. “I loved it. I just had a lot more to deal with than I thought I did.” He did the thing with his legs again, crossing them a few times before forcing them to settle. “I think with the whole thing, you know… I had a lot of issue with letting people close to me. And I know you said at Margot’s house that I let people in just fine, but I didn’t- I never really let people close to me like it seemed. I was only ever trying to make everyone happy… to make them like me, you know? And then I had all this stuff about intimacy and relationships.. 

“Anyway, I spent all this time just thinking I was broken when I was just… I don’t know. Just stuck, I guess. And I know I wasn’t a good boyfriend to you before and I know I was mean and I overreacted and I’m jealous and I’m not saying I couldn’t help it, I just…” He moved his legs forward a bit so his toe just barely touched yours, his body searching for some kind of comfort from you even if he couldn’t meet your eyes. “It’s like, when I was forced to kind of tell the world everything about my life it just kind of felt like I didn’t even have anything for myself. And especially when it came to girlfriends, I just… I was always worried I’d mess up and everyone would hate me and think I was awful and so I would just give up. I was always afraid I’d do something wrong. And the press would ask me everything, I was still a fucking teenager and they’d be hounding me about who I was sleeping with, and if I broke up with someone then there’d be stories about it and everyone would call me a womanizer. Even when I really liked someone I always just gave up eventually because I couldn’t go five minutes without thinking everything was going to come crashing down. Like someone would tell the world what a shitty boyfriend I was, or that I was mean… And it just didn’t seem worth it to me. I couldn’t trust anyone. And even once I got out and I thought I was doing better I still let everything get to me. And it’s like Christian knew that, too, and it’s not just because of him that I wanted to break up, it was everything. He was right about everything. He always did that, he’d always hit me where he knew it hurt the most…”

His voice trailed off, but his mouth opened a few times like he had more to say, so you kept quiet. 

“I don’t know what I’m saying. I guess I’m trying to apologize for not being, uh… what did she call it? Emotionally available, I guess.” The noises of the city were dying down now, the air becoming a bit stiller as it engulfed you. “I’m not trying to say that what I did was okay, but I just want you to understand it. It was never that I didn’t love you, or that I didn’t care, because I did. I cared so much, about everything. I cared too much. And I could just feel myself giving up and I was so scared all the time and I knew that if I didn’t stop myself I would just push you away and I’d hurt you… And, fuck, I mean… I know I still hurt you so badly, but for the first time I didn’t want to just give up. I didn’t want to keep being that person who was lonely all the time because I couldn’t just let myself be happy with someone. I wanted it to work with you, and even if I had to let you go so that I could work on it I had to at least try.”

Finally, Harry sat up fully, pulling your arm a bit drunkenly so that you would sit up, too. He pulled you in for a kiss, his lips hot and wasted against yours. 

“I’m so sorry, for everything.” He whispered against you. You found yourself speechless even though your skin was screaming for him. You wanted to tell him it was okay, that you could be patient and kind and that you would try harder, too. But when his hands wound into your hair and you shimmied yourself onto his lap, you couldn’t bring any words out from your chest. “I love you so much. I’ll be better for you, I promise I will. I’m doing my best.”

His voice cracked in the very last word, and despite the slurred emotion in his voice you could feel him hard pressing against your center. You eased against him, letting a soft whine fall from your mouth. 

“Don’t apologize to me again, baby.” You begged, tangling your hands into the hair at the base of his neck. “I’m not mad at you. I understand, and I’m so proud of you, Harry. I’m so proud.”

You weren’t sure when it happened but he was crying, the sloppy, tipsy kind of crying he always did when he was drinking. He kept kissing you, so intensely it knocked the air from your lungs. You felt every emotion at once, your chest literally caving in on itself as you tried to make sense of even one emotion you felt. You pushed Harry away softly, wanting to see his face, but you couldn’t get him to pull off of you long enough, his grip only tightening on your cheeks. 

“Harry, look at me…” 

“No.”

“Harry-“

Finally you were able to pry him off of you, holding him at a half-arms length by his shoulders. His bottom lip stuck out from his frown in a way that made him look his age and also every age that came before him. He was somehow 16 and 21 and 7 all at once. You wiped under his eyes, cocking your head to the side. 

“I’m really proud of you, Harry. I mean it.” You told him, eyes pouring into his everything you couldn’t put into words. “You’re okay. Everything going to be fine. You’re not broken.”

His chin did the thing it always did when he was trying hard not to cry, wrinkling slightly before it all eventually spilled over and he was barely holding himself upright. You tugged him into your chest, kissing him everywhere your lips could reach. He just cried quietly for a while, a theme with the two of you lately. It might have been an hour or two minutes that passed before he sat up, pawing at his face. 

“Sorry for that.” He laughed, letting out a puff of air from his cheeks. “I’m drunk I think.”

You laughed with him, kissing him one more time on the cheek. His eyes fluttered shut, taking a second to blink back open once you’d pulled away. 

“It’s alright.” You told him, rubbing his arms. “Thank you for telling me all of that. It means a lot that you trust me with it.”

“Only you.” He breathed. “Just you.”

An hour passed by you seamlessly, the sky completely dark now. Harry had kept going, talking on and on about everything he’d learned or talked about in therapy. It was like a can of worms had been opened and poured all over the ground in front of you, soaking into the concrete and seeping into every crack; he couldn’t stop even if he tried. He talked about growing up and his dad and more about the band, this time keeping you pressed close to his chest in his lap but still not meeting your eyes. He breathed against your neck, your face, your hair, spilling out every single ounce he’d been holding in for the last decade. 

“I don’t think I want you to call me Harry Fucking Styles anymore. If that’s okay.” He spoke once you’d both finally stood up to get back inside. “I know you think it’s funny but it, uh.. I dunno. It kind of makes me feel bad. So just.. I don’t know. I don’t mind it that much but if you could just-“

“I won’t say it again.” You cut him off, furrowing your brow at his backtracking. “You don’t have to justify yourself.”

“Okay.” He squeaked, smiling a bit shyly. “Thank you.”

The next place you found yourself was stretched out on the dining room table, your heads on opposite ends and feet brushing one another’s shoulders. You weren’t sure why or how you ended up there, but the table wasn’t getting too much use anyway. Harry didn’t talk anymore about the band or therapy or any of that, and you didn’t ask any questions. You told him about the jobs you’d been doing in London before you came to his house, and about how lonely you’d been all by yourself. 

“Having the team around was nice and all but you know how it is…” You were rattling on. “It’s just not the same as having you or Logan or Anders around. It’s like I was never alone but I still felt lonely all the time. I even would’ve liked to have Bethany around…”

“I know what you mean.” Harry agreed, pressing a kiss to the top of your socked foot. “I feel that way, too.”

Next you started telling him about all of the things you’d done back in LA while Harry had been away. You told him about how you hadn’t been out much with Logan anymore, but you’d still somehow lost your favorite pair of shoes at some party or another. 

“I haven’t even been going out anymore, so I don’t know where they could’ve gone. I got them from a store in St. Louis so I can’t even buy a new pair…” You were complaining, seemingly finding the story interesting enough in your drunkeness to share. “After everything with Anders I stopped going to parties and everything aside from a few, but I still ended up losing them…”

“They’re probably in your mess of a bedroom.” Harry snickered, sitting up on his elbows so he could see you. He looked suddenly very serious, his brows knitting together. “Do you want to talk about that?”

“About the shoes?” You scrunched your nose, giggling softly. “I think I’ll be okay.”

“I mean about Anders.”

You mimicked Harry’s body language, propping yourself up just enough to see him. The ceiling fan above your head whirred in the background, making a soft ticking sound every few seconds like a timer was about to go off if you didn’t think of something to say. Eventually that timer ran out and Harry spoke again. 

“You don’t have to or anything, I just thought maybe you’d want to. We didn’t really talk about it a lot.”

He was right. Aside from the first day or two after you’d been here, when you cried in the kitchen telling Harry about what happened, neither of you had brought it up again. It hung over you every single day since it had happened, casting a shadow over every otherwise pleasant moment. Being with Harry was the first time you felt it hang over someone else, too. He was covered in the shade just like you were. 

“I don’t know what I’d say.” You finally spoke, palms sticky as they pressed against the wooden table. “I talked about it in therapy a few times but we’re still, uh, working on it. I haven’t really let myself think about it.”

“And what would happen if you did?” Harry asked, his voice holding that same kind of calm doctors and therapists always had. It soothed and rattled you at once. “I just mean, what are you afraid might happen if you talk about it? You don’t have to if you don’t want, but I’ll listen.”

You’d never thought about it that way before. Whenever it popped into your mind, and it did all the time, you just forced it back down where it came from. Because it was scary, and it hurt. It hurt worse than anything you could’ve fathomed before it. Your life was split in two after what happened, consisting now of a “before” and an “after” and nothing else. You’d been cut right down the middle. 

“I’m afraid if I talk about it then I won’t be able to pretend it didn’t happen anymore.” You spoke without thinking, realizing as the words came out that it was true. “If I just don’t let myself think about it then it’s like it never happened. And then I don’t have to worry about him.”

Harry just nodded, laying back down on the table so he could watch the fan blades as they spun over him. 

“I worry about him all the time.” He shared, instead of asking you for any more. “I worry about him so much it makes me sick. I mean, he always calls me to tell me when he’s not doing well and I’ve been able to help him but what if one day he doesn’t call? What if he decides not to tell me he’s having a bad day and he does something stupid? What am I supposed to do then?”

“I don’t know.” You answered plainly. Because you didn’t know. You’d been down the same train of thought more times than you could count, eventually deciding on ignoring it the same way you had been. Because if you told yourself he was fine and just didn’t mention it, then you had no reason to worry, right? “You know I barely spoke to him for weeks after he got back from rehab. I couldn’t stand it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” You admitted, feeling shitty and gross for saying it out loud. “I still talked to him every once in a while but I usually told him I was busy. I just- I couldn’t even look at him. It’s like the only thing I could think of was the way he looked when I saw him and I was so angry even though I knew I shouldn’t have been-“

“Says who?” Harry frowned, sitting up again. “You have every right to be angry. You’re allowed to feel things even if his problems might seem bigger. You should totally be angry.”

You chewed on your lip, wanting to believe him but still feeling a red hot kind of guilt wash over you. You’d never, ever spoken any of this aloud, even to Logan. And nobody had asked. 

“I don’t want to be angry.” You barely whispered. “It makes me feel bad.”

“Well if you ever want to be angry, or if you decide you want to talk about it, I’ll listen to you.” Harry offered sweetly, his hand coming out to rub up and down your extended leg nearest to him. “I won’t ask you about it anymore if you don’t want but I’ll be here if you need me.”

You laid yourself back down, staring at the ceiling. You were conflicted, unsure if you wanted to open that door and step through or if you should keep the key hidden under the mat where it had been for months now. You hadn’t even realized you’d made your decision until your mouth was open and words were coming out and spilling all over your chest. 

“Did he tell you it was because of the fight with Christian?”

“Yeah.”

You nodded, assuming that was probably the extent of what Harry had heard. Anders never talked about it, and you never tried to bring it up. You figured he wouldn’t have told Harry any of the details. 

“Did he tell you anything else?”

You heard Harry sit up, but you didn’t look up to see him. “No.” He said, sounding a bit sad. “He didn’t.”

“I stayed at his house for a while after the Halloween party. I saw how he was.” You began, arms wrapping over your chest like a comfort blanket. “He slept all the time but I figured he was just healing, you know? But then I left and I started hearing less and less from him and… and I knew something was wrong. I knew something was wrong and I didn’t do anything about it.”

“It isn’t your job to do anything.”

“But I could have.” You choked out, wiping a silent tear away before it ran down your temple to your ear. “I tried calling and he never answered. He never let me come over. I just decided to show up one day and he was with some random girl and… I don’t know. I could tell he was high but he said it was just the medication. And then he told me to leave.”

“Y/N…”

“He told me I was crazy and that he didn’t want to hear me talk about you anymore.” You continued, feeling your neck and shoulder stiffen until they were completely taut. “So I left him alone for a while. But I knew… I knew he was on drugs. I just didn’t want to admit it.”

Harry was sitting up fully, criss-crossed next to your ankles. His hand still traced pattens across your legs as you spoke, encouraging you to keep talking as much as you wanted to. 

“Anyway, he calls me one day and he’s telling me how I’ve been a great friend and how he loves me and I just… I knew what he was going to do. He didn’t want me to come over but he promised I could the next day but then the next day came and he wouldn’t talk to me so I just showed up.”

It was quiet for a minute, Harry making sure you were done before speaking. “Is that when you found him?”

All you could do at this point was nod silently, tears scorching your face faster than you could wipe them away. Harry scooted close to you, taking it upon himself to wipe away the evidence. 

“You don’t have to talk about it, flower.” He whispered, shushing you softly. “It’s okay. He’s fine. You don’t have to tell me about it.”

You shook your head, sucking in shaky breaths to try and calm yourself. You were afraid for a second that you’d start panicking, but the feeling on Harry’s hands on you kept you rooted. You sat up, pressing your knees to Harry’s. 

“I showed up and he didn’t answer so I just walked in.” You began again, sniffling in the ugliest way you could have. 

“He never locks his door…” Harry filled the silence, shaking his head. You let out a dry laugh, nodding. 

“I know! It’s annoying.” You breathed, taking another deep breath. “But I guess it’s good that he didn’t this day. But, uh, I walked in, right? And it was so quiet, Harry… I could hear the shower running and so I told myself that meant he was fine but I could feel it. I knew he wasn’t okay.

“So I go into the bathroom and I’m honestly hoping I’m just going to walk in on him naked at this point, and that he’ll yell at me or whatever… But he didn’t. And I… I opened the curtain and he was..”

Fuck. You pinched your eyes closed, huffing out harsh breaths to keep yourself from hyperventilating. Harry ran his hands over your hair and your face, whispering softly that it was okay, it was okay, it was okay…

“He was just laying there. He was still dressed and everything but it was like he wasn’t even there. And I just stared at him telling him to get up but he didn’t listen.

“I don’t know how long I stood there but I just kind of snapped out of it and jumped into the shower. I turned the water off and I kept trying to pick him up but he was so heavy… And I tried talking to him but I don’t even know what I said. He was looking at me but it wasn’t- he wasn’t even seeing me, you know?”

You let out another dry laugh, watching your hands wind around each other in your lap. “You know what he said to me when I finally got him to talk?”

Harry’s entire expression looked pained, even his body seeming sad. “What did he say?”

Even though you smiled you still felt yourself cry harder. “He said I looked like a frog. And then he said he was sorry.”

Harry didn’t laugh with you, only wincing softly. His touch recoiled from you so he could run his hands over his face, his own rattling breath sounding out this time. 

“Anyway, the paramedics got there and I stayed at the hospital with him for hours until he woke up. I think I blacked out or something, like genuinely, because I don’t even remember waiting there. But he finally woke up and I was so relieved and scared and sick to my stomach, and you know what he said to me?” Harry shook his head. “He told me it was funny. And that I shouldn’t act so fucking serious. And then he cried until he fell asleep.”

Harry didn’t say anything, but what did you expect him to say? What could he possibly say to make any of this better? After a few beats had passed he took your hands in his own, pulling them into his lap. He kissed your cheek once, a totally innocent gesture, before finally speaking. 

“That’s fucked up.” Was all he said, making you let out a tiny chuckle. “Seriously, Y/N. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I- I wish I would’ve been there to help. You should’ve just called me and I would’ve been there-“

“I know.” You agreed, knowing that as badly as you wanted to put space between you and Harry at the time that was the only thing that could’ve made it any better. “I know I should’ve. I really needed you, Harry. I needed you.”

Harry tilted his head to the side, squeezing your hands. “I’m sorry-“

“I needed you and you weren’t there.” You repeated, holding your face in your sleeves. “I needed you, Harry. I needed you the whole time, when I was having nightmares and when Anders was in the hospital and- and- and I needed you to finish those Oreos with me. I needed you and you weren’t there and I know I said I wasn’t but sometimes I’m really, really angry about that. I know you needed space and I know you-“

“Don’t say that.” Harry cut you off, his frown cemented on his face now. “I never needed space from you, Y/N. I know you needed me and I’m sorry that everything happened that way… but I needed you, too.”

His breathing was a bit erratic now, his chest rising and falling in rough pants. “I needed you, too. I told you from the beginning that I needed a friend and I know it was selfish of me to expect that from you but don’t ever say I didn’t want you around. Because that’s not true. I wanted you the entire time.”

Your chin was lifted with a single finger, Harry’s hand forcing you to look up at him. “You are allowed to be angry and I’m really, really sorry. But I needed you, too. I was at my absolute worst and I was completely alone. I didn’t have anyone-“ He stopped himself suddenly, closing his eyes for a second. “Sorry. I just mean, I would’ve been there for you. I know why you didn’t want me around but you have to know that I wanted you, too. I thought about you everyday.”

You just nodded, wiping your face one last time. “I’m sorry for saying that.“ You told him, feeling a fresh wave of shame wash over you. After everything Harry had told you, especially tonight, you hated yourself more deeply than ever for what you’d done to him. He’d told you over and over that he needed someone, and you left him out to hang. You didn’t even think about what he might have been going through. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“It’s okay.”

Harry smiled softly, pulling you into a hug. “So are you guys good now? Anders never told me you weren’t talking.”

“We’re good, yeah.” You told him, pulling out of the hug. “I never really told him I was upset, I just avoided him for a few weeks. Didn’t you think it was weird that he was always with you and not me?”

“I didn’t really know.”

“Yeah, well… We’re fine now.” You continued, plopping your hands down on your thighs. “And he’ll be okay. It’s not like he’s out buying drugs or anything while he’s with his parents so at least I don’t have to worry, right?”

Harry’s face flashed with something you couldn’t quite place, his face paling almost completely white. Then, he just nodded. “Yeah.” He spoke, running a hand over his throat. “Right. He’s fine.”

Like the two of you were trained to do, you brushed off every negative thought and feeling and moved on quickly, putting on some music to lighten the mood. You danced around the kitchen and the living room, finishing off the champagne that had been abandoned outside. When you were both too tired and tipsy to stand you collapsed onto the couch and made out for a while, Harry telling you over and over again how much he loved you and how he’d missed you and how he never, ever wanted you to go. 

“I’ll never leave.” You swore to him between breathless pants, pulling him closer. “Never.”

Somehow you ended up on the kitchen floor, Harry for some reason curled up on your lap this time, his chest pressed to your as his head burrowed into your neck. You both giggled softly, telling each other again and again and again how much you’d missed the other.

“This is nice.” Harry hummed happily, snuggling closer onto your body. “Feels good to be held.”

“My legs are numb.” You cackled, not minding at all as you lost sensation because at least you had him close to you. “Are you getting sleepy?”

“Are you trying to get me into bed?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow as he pulled back to look at you. You rolled your eyes, kissing his dimple that had nestled into his cheek. 

“Yeah, to sleep.” You told him, your eyes threatening to close. “I don’t think I could have sex right now even if I tried. You took it out of me earlier.”

Harry gasped in faux shock, covering his mouth with a palm. “Sex? Who said anything about sex?” You threw your head back in a groan, smiling even as you tried to act annoyed. Harry’s hand slid up your side under your shirt, his fingers pressing into your ribs as he leaned into your ear. “I’ll just use my fingers instead, huh? I never said I wanted to have sex, there’s a million other things we could do.”

“You can jack off if you need to, but I’m out of commission.” You giggled, turning your cheek a bit to keep his lips from tickling your ear. 

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He fired back. And with that you pushed him off of your lap, springing to your feet and running sloppily up the stairs. Harry let out a whine, saying something about how he was “only kidding!”, following close on your trail. 

Harry managed to catch up without much of an effort on his part, taking your arm in a single warm hand and yanking you into the bedroom as he stepped around you. In one swift motion he threw you over his shoulder, tossing you onto the bed and letting himself fall directly on top of you. You let out warm giggles against one another, feeling like you were floating on air or maybe somewhere in the ocean or even in space. Everything felt fuzzy and technicolor and beautiful. You tried to push Harry off of you so you could sit up, but he wouldn’t budge. 

“I’m sleeping right here.” He breathed against your chest, tightening his grip around you. “M’not moving from this spot. Ever.”

And he didn’t. You stayed up a while longer, listening to Harry talk more about all the plans he had for you now that you were his. The promises pitter-pattered onto the mattress like rain on a tin roof, eventually lulling you both to sleep. 

///

Back in the present, Harry kept his word and held you up in bed hours longer than you’d said he was allowed to. He kissed you everywhere, scrolled quietly on his phone, read a book, all while pressed against you or with an ankle crossed over yours or a hand twirling your hair around his finger. Not even for a second were you apart, Harry tiptoing behind you when you went downstairs to get water and keeping up his streak of sitting in the hallway just outside the door whenever you got up to pee. Eventually it was him who needed to get up to use the bathroom, and you in your cocoon of blankets just nodded without much of a thought and continued typing out your text to Logan about what you had been up to. Harry, who had taken at most two small steps away from the bed, stopped in his tracks. 

“Aren’t you going to come with me?” He asked, looking over his shoulder at you. He furrowed his brows, genuinely confused why you were still laying down when he had decided to get up. You let out a light laugh, realizing he was deadly serious. 

“Go with you to the bathroom?”

“Yeah?”

You just looked at him for a second, him raising his arms in a “what?” gesture, before you finally set your phone down on the pillow next to you and got up. Harry smiled, pleased with himself, taking your hand in his while he walked an entire 20 feet to the bathroom. 

He detached his hand from yours, leaving the door open while he went inside. You didn’t think much of it, making mindless conversation the way you had been for hours now about which TV shows Harry had watched as a kid and what movies you thought were underrated. You could hear Harry shuffling inside after a while but you didn’t give it any mind until he stepped around the corner to lean against the door frame. 

“-but honestly, I think that the second one was better than the first one just for the fact that-”

Your sentence was stopped right in the middle, a record scratch sounding off in your head as Harry stepped around the corner completely naked. You gasped so hard you started to choke, Harry throwing you a crooked smile as you looked up at him with teary eyes. 

“For the fact that what?” He asked, cocking his head to the side as if he were totally at ease. He probably was totally at ease, come to think of it, Harry never shying away from letting you see him. You, for some reason or another, turned your head to inspect the patterns in the woodgrain of the floor. “What’s the matter, hm? Y’alright?”

“I’m great, yeah.” You choked out, still not daring to look up. Harry let out a little giggle, walking back into the bathroom with a lazy “okay then”, the sound of the shower running following a few second later. 

You were paralyzed, sat on the hallway floor. You couldn’t breathe, let alone stand. It wasn’t until you heard his voice ring out to you that you were thrust back into your body. 

“Aren’t you going to come shower with me?” He asked, your head snapping over to follow the sound. Still you didn’t speak, and you heard Harry pop his head out from behind the shower door. “Y/N? Hello?”

You were going to get into that shower with him even if it killed you, and you were seriously suspecting that it might as your knees rattled and shook as you finally stood up. You tiptoed into the bathroom in a way akin to a child creeping into their parent’s bedroom in the middle of the night. You could just make out the shape of Harry’s body behind the glass, your blood suddenly running as slowly and steadily through your veins as the drops of water were down the shower wall. You pulled your hoodie over your head, tossing your shorts aside with them, and slowly slid the door open. 

“How nice of you to join me.” Harry grinned at you, pushing his wet hair out of his face. He pulled you closer to him into the stream, the heat of the water making you let out a little yelp as it made contact. “I was starting to get lonely.”

If you thought you were weak in the knees before, you were basically a puddle by the time you adjusted to the feeling of the warm water on your skin. You stepped fully under the spray, closing your eyes as you turned your face to it, letting out a soft hum. It felt like summer all over, the heat searing through all of your love-softened muscles and making you feel almost dizzy with relaxation. 

You felt Harry come up behind you, pulling you away from the water and into his chest so your back was pressed to his chest. He wrapped his arms around your middle, resting his chin on top of your head. His fingers drew patterns lazily on your abdomen.

“This is nice, yeah?” He asked, pressing an innocent kiss to the crown of your head. You hummed in response, leaning your head back onto his shoulder with your eyes still closed. Harry’s hands continued moving across you, coming up to rest on the full of your breasts. You tried not to think too long about how naked you were right now. There was something about the quiet intimacy of it all that made your skin burn under his gaze more than it normally did when he saw you like this, because for the moment neither of you were distracted by anything else other than the soft sound of water falling. Harry’s attention was placed fully on you, and you could feel it everywhere. 

“Is that my shampoo?” You asked, trying to keep your mind straight and distract Harry from his fawning over you. You felt him turn his head to look where you were pointing on the rack across from you.

“Yeah.” He said, giving a short laugh. “You didn’t notice that I had it before?”

“I saw it, I just wasn’t sure if it was actually mine or not.” You answered. You turned around so that you were facing him, his hands not straying from you as he kept you pressed tightly to his front. “Is it actually mine? Like from my house?”

Maybe it was the heat from the shower, but you swore you could see a soft blush come over Harry’s face. He smirked, as if that could distract you from it, nodding. “You left it at my house so I kept it.” He shrugged, as if it was nothing. 

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“Why did you keep it?”

He paused for a second, chewing on his lip. He shrugged again. “Because I like how it smells.” 

You gazed up at him, knowing your face was soft and totally love-dumb. Harry couldn’t help but lean down to kiss you, moving his lips slowly on yours for a few seconds. He eventually moved his lips to your jaw and then into the wet crook of your neck, nibbling and sucking softly. “And it reminded me of you. I couldn’t stand to get rid of it…” His hands tightened around your waist as he sucked harder on your neck. “Couldn’t bear it…”

You smiled, moving your hands into Harry’s hair, knowing that he meant it. You imagined him, all those months ago, sulking around his house collecting all of your belongings you’d left scattered throughout his life. You wondered if he was sad at all while he did it, or if he did it in a hurry… Maybe he had looked into the shower as an afterthought, bag already full of your items, just happening to find your shampoo and conditioner there as he was preparing to head to your house. You imagined he had shoved both into the bag without much of a thought, only to walk into the hallway and stop in his tracks. You could practically see the crease between his brows as he took the shampoo in his hands, looking it over thoughtfully before putting it back where he’d found it. He probably told himself not to think too much about it, promising himself you wouldn’t notice it was missing. 

“Why didn’t you just buy some for yourself then?” You asked, biting away your smile. You knew what you wanted him to say, and the look on his face as he pulled away told you he was about to. He chewed on his lip shyly. 

“Because that one’s yours.” He answered, “And I wanted to keep part of you just for myself. Figured you wouldn’t notice I still had it.”

“I didn’t.” You told him, kissing his cheek. The air around you was becoming thick despite the airyness of your conversation, the steam from the water running behind you making the space around you feel stuffy. 

“And I kept it because-” Harry started saying, shaking his head halfway through. “Nevermind.”

You giggled, pressing a fingertip into one of Harry’s dimples. “Because why?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.” You whined, wiggling your knees. Harry rolled his eyes playfully, looking away. 

“It’s embarrassing.”

You lifted yourself on your tippy toes, wrapping both arms around Harry’s neck. You blinked at him a few times, softening him up before making an offer.

“If you tell me what you were going to say then I’ll tell you something even more embarrassing.” You posed, making Harry raise his eyebrows with curiosity. 

“How do you know it’s more embarrassing?”

“Because.” You said, trying not to laugh as you considered the idea of actually telling him what you were offering to share. “It’s the most embarrassing thing in the world. Nothing can top it, I promise you that.”

He thought, eyeing you carefully. He pressed his lips into a thin line. His words came out in a rush as he started to speak, his eyes meeting yours in a cautious kind of look. 

“After the VMAs sometimes I would use your shampoo right before bed so that the next night whenever I would go to sleep my pillow case would smell like you.” He blurted out. You immediately stuck out your lower lip, letting out a pained kind of whimper.

“That’s not embarrassing!” You promised him, kissing him right on his reddened cheek. “That’s actually really sweet, Harry.”

“Not really.” He laughed, his blush reaching all the way to his naked shoulders. “Just sad, mostly. Pathetic, even.”

“Well I think it’s sweet.” You disagreed. You pressed your cheek onto his wet chest, the residual water left on his skin feeling warm against your face. “I wish I could’ve been there to sleep next to you instead. I’m really sorry.”

“Not your fault, sweetheart.” He whispered, resting his cheek on top of your head. He waited a minute before pulling your face away from his chest. He slapped on a smug expression, raising a brow. “Now it’s your turn.”

You pouted for a second, hopes that he might forget you’d even offered totally dashed. “I don’t wanna say.”

“You have to!” Harry scoffed. “Those are the rules! I tell you, you tell me. You can’t cheat.”

“Fine..” You grumbled, already feeling your ears prickle with embarrassment. Again with the ‘rules’ business... You buried your face in his chest again, not daring to meet his eyes. You spoke into his sternum, your voice muffled entirely by the running water and his body in front of you.

“What was that?”

“I said-” You huffed, lifting your face to meet his expectant gaze. “I used to have a cardboard cutout of you.”

Harry’s mouth fell open, his eyebrows raising nearly to his hairline as he let out a loud giggle. “No fucking way…”

You just looked at him, giving him a sorry kind of look. He laughed again, eyes moving back and forth between yours. “Tell me you didn’t…” He spoke again when you didn’t answer. When you still didn’t say anything he took his face in his hands and started shaking with laughter, knees nearly buckling under him and he bent forward into your shoulder.

“I can explain!” You cried out, grabbing Harry by the shoulders. He looked at you, shaking his head in disbelief. “I didn’t have it in, like, a serious way! Logan bought it for me and-”

“No, no, no! I heard what you said!” Harry cackled. “You can’t backtrack now!”

“No, listen! Logan bought it for my birthday when I was, like, 16! Like as a joke, I swear!”

Harry crossed his arms, biting away his smile. “So what, I’m a joke to you?”

“No, I- I just mean I didn’t, like, buy it for myself or anything.” You crossed your arms, too, taking a step back from Harry. “I’m not crazy, or anything.”

“But you kept it in your room?” Harry asked almost like he already knew. You frowned at him for a second before nodding. 

“I did, but-”

Harry put his hand up to stop you. “That’s all I needed to know, darling. I get it- You’re obsessed with me and you always have been. I can’t blame you, no need to be embarrassed.”

You turned away from him, stepping back under the water as if it could wash away the color from your cheeks. Harry just continued giggling at himself as you reached around him to grab your shampoo. 

Harry stuck an arm out to stop you. “What outfit was I wearing? Was it one of those fucking blazers?”

“Leave me alone!” You cried out, letting Harry pull you back into him. You frowned against his chest. “I didn’t tease you at all about what you said! You’re being mean!”

“M’not!” He countered, pulling your face up for a chaste kiss. “I think it’s sweet.”

“It’s not sweet, it’s creepy…”

Harry looked at you for a second, grinning devilishly. “I mean, it is... But I won’t hold it against you.”

You rolled your eyes, reaching again for the shampoo. “As if using my shampoo isn’t just as bad, you… you… you weirdo.” You mumbled, earning another belly laugh. You stepped away from Harry, struggling to open the bottle for a second with slippery fingers. 

“Let me do it.” Harry stopped you, taking the bottle from you easily. You were feeling a bit grumpy after all of that even though you had been the one to offer to tell him something embarrassing, not even wanting to look at him anymore as you turned around. Your sour mood was only lessened slightly as you felt Harry’s hands move into your hair, massaging the shampoo into your scalp. You closed your eyes, letting your body relax under his touch. 

Harry turned you around, instructing you to keep your eyes closed as he rinsed the product out of your hair. Harry hummed softly, some song you remembered him playing for you earlier in the week. Next he combed your conditioner through your strands with his fingers, stopping every once in a while to press his lips against your cheek or shoulder or mouth. 

Once your hair was cleaned and conditioned and your brain gone totally fuzzy, Harry grabbed your loofa from the hook attached to the shower wall and poured a bit of your body wash onto it. (You had found some in the bottom of your suitcase a few days after arriving to Harry’s house, slightly to your disappointment. You kind of liked using Harry’s).

Harry raised your arm delicately by the wrist, running the soap over your skin agonizingly slow. If you weren’t careful you were certain you would fall asleep standing up, so you forced your eyes to stay open. You watched Harry as his eyes scanned over every part of you, his gaze following his hands as they moved down your legs and across your chest. You could tell straight away it was turning Harry on as he dragged his hands over you and you tried to force your eyes away from his hardening prick pressed nearly to your stomach. 

Harry put away the loofa when he was done with you, pulling you into his chest before you could rinse yourself off. His fingertips dragged up and down your body deliciously smoothly, making you shudder.

“Are you still mad at me?” He asked, his mood shifted completely from his playful teasing a few minutes ago. You were suddenly rendered speechless as you met his eyes, shaking your head. He smiled, giving you another deep kiss. “Good. Because there’s so much I want to do to you and it won’t be nearly as fun if you’re mad at me.” He cocked his head to the side, smirking. “Or maybe it would be, come to think of it…”

You didn’t say anything, just pressing yourself closer to him in the form of a response. You ran your hands up his back, looking up at him without any hint of humor or annoyance. You wanted him, more than anything, to do all the things he so badly wanted to do to you. 

Harry looked like he wanted to say more, changing his mind when he looked into your puppy dog eyes. He leaned down, locking his lips with yours in a kiss that was slow and sweet and wholesome. His hands, still slightly soapy, held your cheeks, thumbs brushing over your cheekbones. 

“I love you.” He mumbled, deepening the kiss. “You know that, right? I was only teasing you… I love you so much.”

“I know.” You answered breathlessly, hands running down his sides to rest on his hips. “I love you, too.”

He pulled away. “Yeah?”

You panted. “So much, baby.” He smiled down at you. “Kiss me.”

Harry listened, returning his lips to yours like it was a promise. He swore to you how much he loved you with the hands that dug into your hair, with his mouth that moved so effortlessly with your own, with his breathing that you could hear becoming more and more shallow. Eventually you couldn’t stand the anticipation, moving to whisper into Harry’s ear. 

“What were all those things you wanted to do to me?” You asked, out of genuine curiosity and the want to spur him on. He just laughed lightly. 

“Why? Feeling eager?”

You didn’t bother lying to him. “Yes.”

He liked that answer, kissing you again. You could feel him smiling against your lips and you could practically see the lightbulb flickering on above his head. 

“Something about being in the shower just turns you on, huh?” He asked, taking the underside of your jaw firmly in his hand as he moves his kisses to your neck. He turned your face to the side to give himself more access to your wet skin. His free hand came to your belly, slowly dragging down your slippery skin. “Can’t seem to keep your hands off yourself when you’re in here, can you?”

You bit down, sturdying yourself. “It was only twice…” You protested. Harry ignored you. 

“I’ve thought about that a lot since you told me about it, Sunflower…” He whispered, kisses landing almost on your ear at this point. “My pretty girl all wet and lonely, thinking about all the things I could do to her…”

You swallowed, the hand just above your throat making it slightly difficult. You couldn’t deny the way your body was burning for him right now at his words, even if it was meant to embarrass you. “That’s what you were doing, right? Touching yourself thinking about all the things you wanted me to do?”

You nodded against his grip as he pulled away to look at you. He wasn’t smiling the way you expected him to be, his face looking serious and almost pained with want. “Tell me what you were thinking about when you made yourself cum, Sunflower.”

You didn’t want to, but your mouth started moving almost instantly anyway. Harry’s eyes watched your lips move as you spoke, his own jaw shut so tight it looked like it would be sore in the morning. 

“I was thinking about the Halloween party, when I sucked you off in Rachel’s bathroom.” You panted, swallowing hard again at the end. “I was thinking about how you tasted and how you were pulling my hair and, and…” 

Harry cut you off when you found yourself too out of breath to keep taking. He kissed you again, moving his hand slightly lower on your abdomen. “That’s what you were thinking about while you got off? Putting me in your mouth?”

You whined in response, nodding frantically. You knew you must look silly and desperate, but you were falling apart at the seams and you just couldn’t help bending to him. Harry grunted at your answer. 

“You’re so hot. You’re, like, the dream girlfriend..” He gushed, speaking into your parted lips as he kissed you hungrily. His facade was cracking a bit, too, the same way yours was. Suddenly he took your wrist in his hand, pulling it down to rest on the soft of your belly. “Show me.”

You froze, feeling a cold wash over you despite the warm water hitting your back. Harry pulled away, swollen lips a dark raspberry color as he stared at you. “Show me how you do it, baby. I wanna see.”

You shook your head, feeling yourself catch fire everywhere. “I can’t-“

“You don’t have to. But wouldn’t it be fun if you did?” He moved to kiss you again, hand tightening even more under your jaw. He moved his lips so they brushed against your ear. “You’ve watched me do it.”

“You like being watched.” You retorted quickly. Harry chuckled, pulling away again. 

“I never knew I did, but I guess you’ve changed that for me.” He smirked. You swore the shower was suddenly ten times hotter as his eyes burned into yours. Harry pressed a thumb onto your lower lip, pulling your mouth open. He gazed at your parted lips, wetting his own with his tongue, before continuing. “If you don’t like it that’s fine. But if you at least try for me, I’ll fuck your pretty little mouth just like I did at the Halloween party. You want that, don’t you?”

You nodded. 

“That’s what I thought.” Harry grinned, pulling your hand again until it was pressed nearly against your center. Your arm was limp in his hold, not even trying to fight him as he moved you. “Go ahead and show me, baby. Gotta make sure I’m doing it right, yeah? You can teach me.”

You pressed two fingers right on your bundle of nerves, trying to hide the shiver that ran up your spine. “You do it better than I do.” You pouted, still giving Harry a hard time even as you did exactly as he said. He shook his head, eyes flickering down to your hand. 

“Teach me, baby.” He repeated. You breathed heavily for a second before nodding shyly. You were immediately pushed into the shower wall, not too roughly, able to tell right away how much Harry was restraining from shoving you into the tile with all his strength. You could basically feel the want rolling off of him as he kissed you hungrily, giving you the courage you needed to start moving your fingers against yourself. You let out a gasp at the feeling, making Harry pull away from the kiss quickly as his eyes snapped down at your hand.

“Fuck, baby…” He purred, sliding his free hand so it rested right on top of yours as it moved over yourself. He kept his other hand on your jaw, pressing you backwards, as he watched your hands move together. “You’re doing great, Sunflower. Bet that feels so good.”

You just moaned in response, the warmth spreading throughout your abdomen almost enough to distract from his eyes on you. Harry slowly moved his hand that cupped your jaw lower so that it was pressed against your throat. 

“Is this okay?”

You gulped. “Yes.”

He was quiet again as he watched you, aside from the sound of your heavy breathing mixing together. You were grateful for the closeness of your bodies, somehow feeling a little less embarrassed than you would have had Harry been standing back just staring. Every few seconds, as your arm moved slightly, you could feel Harry’s length brush against you. 

You felt that familiar ball of twine winding itself tighter in your belly, warning you that you were already close to finishing. Your heart pounded harder at the realization that Harry would be watching you as you came. He had so many times before, but for some reason this was different. 

You looked up at Harry’s face, waiting a few seconds for him to look back at you. Finally he met your eyes, your eyebrows turning downwards immediately in a silent plea. 

“Are you close?” He breathed out, his own brows furrowing so tightly you would have thought he was the one getting off. His cheeks were splotchy and red, like always, the familiarity of that same look on his face comforting you slightly. You nodded, giving Harry your best puppy dog eyes. 

Harry removed his hand from your throat, making you whine in disappointment. Harry gave you a half smile as his eyes searched every part of your face. His thumb came up again, opening your mouth and pressing against your warm tongue. You immediately closed your mouth around the digit, brows turning down even more as you felt yourself teetering right next to the edge. 

Harry’s mouth fell open watching you, his breathing becoming even more uneven. From what you could tell, he was getting off on all of this just as much as you were without even putting a hand on himself. He looked down at your hand again, watching for a second before looking back up at you. 

“Can I do it for you?” He asked, face looking almost embarrassed as he asked. “I wanna do it for you, baby, please.”

You nodded desperately, removing your hand from yourself and gripping Harry’s biceps instead with both hands. He didn’t flash a teasing smile the way you half expected, his expression totally fucked out and focused as his fingers found you. 

“You did so good for me, baby, fuck.” He panted, running his fingers through your folds. He let out a curse as he felt how wet you were, using the moisture on his fingertips as he pressed against your clit. “It was very nice of you to do that for me, thank you.”

You moaned unabashedly at his praise, sucking harder on his thumb still silencing you in your mouth. Harry kept his thumb there, using his forefinger to grip the underside of your chin, pulling your face up further so that you had no other choice but to look at him. 

“You’re so fucking precious.” He gasped, eyes watching your expression carefully. “But I got kind of jealous, to be honest. I want to be the one to make you cum. I do it better anyway, right?” You just whined at him as his fingers began moving even faster. “Answer me. Do I do it better than you do?”

“Mhmm.” You answered obediently, nodding frantically. He finally cracked a smile, nodding his head to mirror yours. 

“I know I do, baby. You do it better for me, too.” He kept his pace as you felt the burn in your tummy begin to rise. He could tell immediately just from your face that you were about to cum, pulling you by your chin so that he could whisper in your ear. “Cum for me and I’ll fuck you right here in this shower…”

That was plenty to push you over the brink, your legs nearly giving out as you came under Harry’s fingers. To your surprise he didn’t pull you back to look into his eyes this time, instead quickly taking his thumb for your mouth so that he could hold your head against his chest. He stroked the back of your hair, whispering to you how much he loved you and what a great job you were doing. “That’s so good, baby… Good girl….”

By the time he pulled his hand away, you were convinced you were only able to stay standing due to your hands still gripping hard on Harry’s arms. You looked, seeing the deep indents left in his skin from your nails, your head too foggy as you came down to stop yourself from speaking. 

“I hurt you.” You managed to speak through labored breaths. You ran a pointer finger over the marks left on his arm, Harry looking down to watch. 

“S’alright. Maybe I like to be hurt a little bit.” He dismissed you, pulling you in for a kiss. “You did so great, sunflower. You came so good for me.”

But you couldn’t move on that quickly, despite your body being pulled into his as always. “What did you say?”

“I said you did great.”

“Before that.”

Harry furrowed his brows, pulling back just a bit. Suddenly he huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. “You mean about being hurt?”

You literally gulped. “Yeah.”

Harry just shrugged, sticking out his lower lip. “I mean, I dunno. Think it’s kind of fun sometimes, yeah?” You could only gape at him, blinking the droplets of water out of your eyes. “Why? You want to hurt me, Sunflower?”

You shook your head erratically, stumbling over your response. “What? No! No, I just-” You swallowed again, laughing awkwardly. “I just didn’t know if I heard you right, is all.”

“Well if you change your mind just let me know.” Harry teased you further, making you ache all over again for him. He pulled you into a slow, needy kiss. “I’d let you do whatever you want to me, flower. I’d let you do anything and I’d like it.”

You kissed him back, just humming softly in response because their were no words you could possibly say to him after something like that. Harry, after a few seconds more of sloppy kisses, got the same way he always did lately, words tumbling out of his mouth as if he couldn’t stop them if he tried. 

“That was so hot…” He panted, kissing you so desperately you could barely keep up. “I liked it a lot, baby, thank you for doing that. You’re the best girl, you hear me? The best. Fuck.”

You reached between your bodies, taking Harry’s length in your slightly shaky hand to silence him. Just as you expected, he sucked in a shaking breath, his rambling coming to an end almost instantly. 

“I like it when you tell me I did a good job.” You admitted, deciding to be honest. He continued kissing you, small noises coming from his lips every few seconds as you stroked him. 

“I know you do, love.” He responded. He rested his cheek on top of your head, hands coming to settle on your sides. “You really are the best girl. I’ve never done that with anyone, it was…” he paused to swallow, letting out a soft moan. “…exciting.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

You smiled to yourself, pleased. It felt nice that, even if Harry had been with more people than you ever had, there was still something special the two of you could say was only yours. Things he had done with you and no one else. You felt your chest swell with pride. 

“I wanna keep going but the water is cold.” You whispered after a second or two. By now the soap had been washed off of your shaking frame, and you were starting to shake a bit from the sting of the cold water splashing you. Harry stopped your hand on him, nodding. 

“You get out and go wait for me, okay?” He decided, though you could tell how much effort it was taking to make his voice seem level. “Let me shower and I’ll come lay down with you.”

You nodded, feeling awful that Harry was forced to shower in cold water now that you both had spent off of the warmth on other things. You felt your pulse quicken even still, your mouth going dry. “You want me to go to the bed?”

“Yes, now go.” He commended, pointing towards the shower door. “I’ll be right behind you, okay?”

You agreed, stepping out of the shower and hastily drying yourself off. Your mind was swimming with all of the things Harry had promised to do to you, hoping desperately that he hadn’t just said them in the heat of the moment. You picked up your sweatpants, looking at them for a second as you heard Harry beginning to wash his hair. You took a deep breath, speaking up loud enough to be heard over the water. 

“Should I get dressed?” You asked tentatively, sweatpants clutched tightly in your fists. You didn’t have to wait long for Harry’s response, which came almost as soon as your question reached his ears. 

“No.” He snapped. You could practically hear how frustrated he was, his voice tight. He poked his head out of the shower door, his wet hair sticking to his face. “Go get in bed and look pretty for me, yeah?”

You nodded, face heating up again. Harry watched you, and you thought you could see him shaking ever so slightly. You figured it was mostly from the icy cold water he was showering in, and partly from how pent up he was. You started to walk out before Harry reached out and grabbed your hand. “Gimme a kiss first.”

You did, leaning in for a quick peck which Harry greedily turned into a heated kiss. He leaned halfway out of the shower, wet hand gripping the back of your head roughly. “I wanna fuck you so bad I think I’m gonna die.” He breathed, pushing you away suddenly. “Now go so I can finish.”

You giggled, unable to stop yourself, skittering toward the bathroom door. You made it out, but not before Harry was able to land a solid slap onto your ass. You looked over your shoulder at him as he watched you leave, shutting the door behind you. 

///

“You know, if you’d told me before that you had an interview to do today, I would have been more careful.” 

Harry was humming softly in your ear, using a brush to paint foundation over the bruises he’d left all across your neck. You rolled your eyes, holding Harry’s waist as he leaned closer to the work he was doing covering up all your spots. 

After your shower, you’d done what Harry said and ran straight to the bedroom. Less than ten minutes later he was coming in, towel draped around his perfect waist, hair messy and wet and dripping onto his shoulders. You’d basically pounced on him once he’d arrived, knowing that this time you were actually going to do it. You could barely stand that wait, enjoying all of the fun and games as much as the next guy but wanting to actually feel Harry inside of you again. Harry had kissed you for a while but dodged your advances, almost freezing up when you hinted at what you wanted. “You have an interview to get ready for”, he’d reminded you, which only made your head spin more. Since when was Harry the type not to take advantage of every available second when it came to sex? He’d made you late on multiple occasions for an extra five minutes with you. Even when you told him you had plenty of time, he just nervously fiddled with his hands and shook his head, insisting that you should get ready and you would do “all of that” later. 

And now you were here, getting ready like he’d told you to, enjoying the smell of Harry’s freshly washed hair and trying not to seem too hurt by the fact that Harry had basically turned you down when you tried having sex with him. You tried your best not to think too much of it, but rejection was rejection and he clearly was not interested. He seemed almost unnerved by it, even. In any case, you forced your mind away from that and onto the task at hand.

“I did tell you.” You laughed, “You just weren’t listening to me, apparently.”

“Hm..” Harry hummed, turning your chin with a finger to get to the other side of your neck. He was back to his normal self now, as if nothing had even happened in the bedroom at all. You supposed he must have been right to act that way, since it really wasn’t a big deal. “Must have been distracted, I guess.” He added smugly. 

He threw you a sideways smirk, making you roll your eyes again. You really weren’t annoyed; you would’ve let Harry mark you up however he wanted to regardless of what plans you had or what appearances you had to make. 

“Distracted using me as a chew toy.” You teased him, feeling his chuckle hit your cheek in the form of a warm puff of air. “How’d you learn to cover up hickies, anyway?”

“You act like I’ve never had one before.” Harry snickered, pulling away a few steps and squinting before setting the brush down. “I’ve seen many makeup artists cover many hickies. I’ve learned a trick of two in my time.”

“It kind of sounds like you're bragging, babe..” You grinned, leaning into his chest. Harry positioned himself between your thighs again where you sat up on the bathroom counter, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. “You’re making me jealous.”

“And you expect me to believe Hudson never gave you a hickey before?” Harry’s voice rattled against your ear, an exaggerated kind of annoyance added to his voice at the mention of the infamous ex-boyfriends name. “I bet he did, huh? Makes me angry just thinking about it. Picturing him kissing you like that… Makes me sick.”

“You sound crazy.” You giggled, selfishly enjoying the way Harry always got so bent out of shape when you mentioned his name. “He really was nice, he just-“

“I’ll kill him.” Harry insisted, pulling you away to grab your face. “Next time we’re in St. Louis. Does he still live there?”

“Harry!” You gasped, your abdomen a bit sore from all the laughing you’d been doing. “I was going to say- He’s a really nice guy, but he never made me feel like you do. Not even close.”

“Don’t care how nice he was, Sunflower.” Harry shook his head. “I hate him. I always have.”

“You’re jealous.”

“Of course I am.”

You just stared at each other silently, a subtle blush painting your cheeks. “Imagine how I feel, then. While I was dating Hudson you were dating Kendall Fucking Jenner. That’s, like, the ultimate insecurity. I definitely have it worse than you do.”

“Never heard of her.” Harry laughed, kissing along your jaw. “I’ve only ever loved you. Anyone else I ever slept with… No I didn’t. I have absolutely no recollection.”

“You’re a pest.”

“A pest who made you cum twice this morning.” Harry scolded you, that same cocky expression on his face. “Watch your mouth.”

You couldn’t ignore the way your stomach tightened hearing him say that, but you acted unphased. “Alright, well…” You choked out, hopping off of the counter and passed Harry. “I have an interview to do. You wanna come?”

Harry had already taken your arm in his as you walked past him, tailing along behind you as you headed down the hall. Glued to you the same way he had been since last night. You mentally prepared yourself, getting ready to answer any and all questions that would be thrown at you in only a few minutes. You rehearsed silently what you would say, how you would smile, how fast you would talk. You went over the list of things Bethany always nagged you about, feeling woefully illprepared without her by your side. 

You did everything you were supposed to, focusing in as much as you could, and yet you were still distracted by that tickling in the back of your mind. That tickle that had formed as you watched Harry’s face change and shrink when you’d made a move on him. The way his hands had danced around each other. The way he wouldn’t meet your eyes. 

As nervous as you were to actually sit down and be a celebrity again after what felt like years, you couldn’t only really think of one thing. 

Harry didn’t want to have sex with you.

///

“So how are you holding up, Y/N? How’s it been quarantining?” 

You adjusted your position on the chair you were sat in, huffing out a breath. 

“It’s actually been really nice.” You admitted with a bit of a smile. “It’s been kind of a shock to the system, honestly. But having some time to just do nothing has really been a nice change of pace.”

You were a digital guest on Jimmy Fallon tonight, something your mom had been talking about incessantly for weeks now. You made sure you were presentable, covering up every spot and making sure every hair was in place the way Bethany would’ve wanted. You sat in the piano room, Harry just a few feet away on the bench twirling a straw around in his glass of juice. You perched yourself in the same spot you and Harry always used for these things, the two of you having designated the bare, plain wall as the best backdrop since it wouldn’t be recognizable as the same place. 

“I bet it has been a shock.” Jimmy laughed, though you hadn’t even made a joke. “I’ve been going a bit stir crazy here, but I’ve had plenty of time to spend with the kids and my wife so I can’t really complain.” He took a step back, gesturing to his sweatpants he had on just out of frame. “And best of all, I don’t even have to wear pants to work anymore! It’s, like, the greatest feeling ever!”

You threw your head back in a laugh, standing to reveal your own sweats (or technically Harry’s sweats) under your blouse Harry had picked out for the interview. “I’m wearing sweats, too!” You giggled, doing a spin. “It’s incredible, isn’t it?”

Jimmy just laughed, nodding along. “It really is! So, tell me how you’ve been keeping yourself busy. Working on any new music?”

“Oh, gosh, no.” You shook your head. “I’ve been writing a little bit, but I’m taking a much needed break from everything else. Mostly I’ve just been, you know… eating toast and sitting around doing nothing.”

“And you’re in London, right?” Jimmy asked, “How did that all happen?”

“Well I was already here and the day I was supposed to leave everything kind of shut down.” You breathed, biting away your smile at the now pleasant memory. “So I called pretty much every person I knew and eventually decided to stay with a friend of mine.”

“A friend?” Jimmy teased, eyebrows raising. “A friend that I would know?”

You pursed your lips, turning your chin up slightly. “I don’t think I’ll say.” You teased, flipping your hair over your shoulder. 

“So it is!”

You shook your head, waving a hand in dismissal. “No, I’m just kidding. It's actually just an old friend of mine.” You let your eyes flicker up to Harry, who was leaning on a fist now and just…. Staring. And smiling like a schoolboy in love. You remembered what he’d said before in his own interview, when he’d dodged the question about you. You smiled at him for a second before repeating his answer, tearing your eyes away from him long enough to look back at the screen. “For the sake of their privacy, I probably shouldn’t say.”

“Understandable.” Jimmy laughed, nodding along. “So tell me a bit more about this toast you’ve been eating.”

“Well, it’s not very good, for one thing. At least that’s what I’ve been told.”

///

Harry somehow kept pushing all of your plans back today. First he wanted to make out on the couch, which you were happy to agree to, then he wanted to make lunch and repaint your toenails and braid your hair. (“I’m really good at it!”, he’d insisted, tugging on your leg that was outstretched towards him. “Let me see if I can do it!”). Eventually you told him with enough force that you had to call your mom, and he actually relented on the condition that he get to talk to her. You fought him on it for a second before thinking it might be a bit funny surprising your mom with him. 

She knew you were here, you’d spoken to her almost every day, but you hadn’t had a chance to tell her what had happened between you yet. So you dialed the phone, holding it out between your bodies as you sat criss-crossed on the floor, pressing the speaker button. 

“Hello little frog!!” Your mom sang out. You could hear the TV on in the background, and you could basically feel how cozy your house back in St. Louis felt. “How are you doing, lovebug?”

“I’m great!” You chirped, looking up at Harry who was trying desperately to hide his snickering. “I actually wanted to tell you something-“

“Is it about Harry?” Your mom spit out, voice hushed to a whisper. “Did you talk to him about everything yet?”

“Yeah, actually-“

“How did it go??” She was telling now, springing up from the couch for sure. “Oh, gosh. I’m so excited! What did he say? Did you make up? Did he buy you more flowers again?”

“Mom..” You warned, feeling your face warm. “I- uh, yeah. We made up.”

“Oh my god!!” She yelled, emotion thick in her voice. “Oh my goodness, sweetheart. Oh wow. Is he there? Can I talk to him?”

Before you could answer, Harry was snatching the phone and taking it off speaker, running out of the room before you could stop him. 

“Anna it’s me!!” You heard him shouting, a smile in his voice. “It’s me, Harry! Hi! Anna, hi!”

You rolled your eyes, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t expect this from him. You tiptoed down the hall, listening in on Harry who was holed up with the piano. 

“Yeah, I know.” Harry was gushing, his footsteps giving away the fact that he was pacing excitedly. “I know…. Yeah… I know!!”

There was a pause, and in the second of silence you realized you were cheesing like a idiot. Your heart felt warm and soft. Like everything was how it was supposed to be. 

“I will…” Harry continued. “Yes, I know…. Yes… I promise I will.” 

It got quiet before you heard him talk again, his voice now hushed in an effort to keep you from hearing him. 

“She is, yeah. She’s good…. Uh-huh… Yes, I’m feeling better… Yeah…” You pressed harder to the door, trying desperately to keep up. “Yeah, I did. I missed you so much, I can’t even tell you.”

Harry laughed at something your mom had said, the noise clear and bright as it entered the hallway. 

“You know I only let her stay here so I could talk to you again, Anna. It was all just a ploy…” He laughed again, cackling fully. “And you can tell your husband to watch his back, okay? I mean it. And tell him I say hello.”

Finally he reappeared, swinging open the door like he knew exactly where you’d be standing. You trotted into the room passed him, laying on the carpet on your back as you had your turn to talk to your mom. 

“Put it on speaker.” Harry whispered, to which you didn’t even try to argue. You both listened to her rattle on and on about all of the things she’d been up to, like the potluck at work and her attempt to get into knitting. You were so content just listening to her talk that you didn’t even notice at first that Harry had fallen asleep next to you, head resting on your chest and hands folded under his cheek. 

“Hey, I have to go.” You eventually said, letting out a tired sigh. “You’ve put Harry straight to sleep with all your yammering.”

“Sounds about right.” She giggled before letting out her own, long sigh. “My little rockstars.. I love you both so very much. Be nice to him, okay? He’s had a rough few months.”

“I am being nice.” You groaned, amazed you’d made it this far into the conversation before she started this line of questioning. “I promise.”

“I mean it, honey. And I’m not even talking about everything between the two of you, either. I mean he’s been through a lot. He’s really had a hard time.”

You frowned, pausing your fingers where they threaded into his hair. “I know, mom.”

“I know you do. I’m just saying.” She paused, a quiver in her voice when she spoke again. “I’m happy for you, sweetheart. I’m just so happy.”

As if on cue, you started tearing up, too. The same as always. “I am, too.” You told her, resting your cheek on top of Harry’s head. “I am, too.”

/// 

When you woke up, Harry was gone. 

And somehow you’d slept for hours. You were passed out on the floor in the piano room, but now you had a blanket tucked around you like a cocoon. 

You sat up, back stiff and uncomfortable, joints cracking all over. You rubbed at your eyes, which were still stuffy with sleep, before softly padding out of the room and into the hall. Almost instantly you were bombarded with nagging and traitorous thoughts about how Harry had rejected you earlier, thinking it must not be a coincidence that he had been entirely uninterested and was now no where to be found when he had been glued to you all morning. 

You must have done something, or said something, or looked a certain way that made him change his mind. You must have done something wrong to make him switch up on you so suddenly when he’d spent the last 24 hours whispering in the heat of the moment how bad he wanted to fuck you, to bend you over the sink or take you in the shower and push you against the door. You couldn’t for the life of you figure out what had changed since then, considering you were maybe just overreacting, as you continued down the hall. Maybe he really was just worried about your interview. That had to be it.

“Harry?” You called out, a little unnerved by the silence. When there was no answer you went deeper into the house, traveling up the stairs. While you were walking you thought you heard a voice coming from Harry’s room, causing you to freeze for a second to trace the sound. Sure enough, you could hear Harry talking to someone. You took a few steps closer, pausing outside the door to listen. 

It reminded you a lot of the night at the Halloween, you crouched in the hall listening in on a conversation you were never meant to hear. In your defense, you weren’t trying to be nosy. You just didn’t want to walk in if Harry was having a conversation about work, or something important. So, you stood there and listened, letting your sore muscles relax at the sound of his voice. 

“-and I told her it wasn’t going to fucking happen. She’s still being a bitch about it, though.”

It was Anders talking, which came as no surprise to you. 

“Don’t call your mom a bitch.” Harry chastised him, despite the slight chuckle in his voice. “She’s trying her best.”

“Well her best isn’t very fucking good. And she is a bitch.” Anders went on, not joining in on Harry’s laughter. “I just can’t stand it here, man. I’m about to go fucking insane cooped up here. I’d rather be in LA fuckin’ alone. I’d rather be on drugs.”

“Don’t fucking say that.” Harry barked. You could practically see the crease in his brows as he let out a shaky exhale. “You’re going to be fine, okay? You’re okay. Count to ten.”

“I’ve been fucking counting.”

“Well count some more.” Harry stopped him. “Count to fucking one thousand if you have to. You’re okay. Are you hearing me? You’re fine.”

There was a long silence, a silence that sent an ache into each of your bones. You knew it wasn’t the right time to walk in, but you also couldn’t drag yourself away. 

“So how did it go with Y/N?” Anders asked after what felt like hours. “Did you tell her how you felt or what?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah I did.” Harry responded. The chill in his voice had completely dissolved now, an airiness to it now that made your chest flutter all over. “I told her everything.”

“You’re a fucking liar.”

“I’m not!” Harry laughed. “I did. I told her everything.”

Anders hummed for a second. “Everything?”

“Yeah.”

More silence. Then a little giggle. “Okay. Oh my god. I’m trying not to lose my shit right now, fuck. Okay.” Anders let out a literal squeal like you’d never heard him make before, forcing you to press a palm over your mouth to stifle your own laugh. “Holy shit. Okay. Tell me everything, okay? Holy shit.”

“Just don’t laugh at me, okay?” Harry giggled with him. You imagined him sprawled out on his tummy, feet kicked up in the air as he spoke. You were almost certain that’s how he looked right now. “So Bethany called and was all like ‘I got a house for you’.”

His impression of Bethany was atrocious, but you gave him points for the subtle aloofness he gave to her quote. She always seemed disinterested and somehow intrigued at the same time.

“No..” Anders gasped. “Did you freak out? You freaked out, didn’t you?”

“No. Or, yeah.” Harry recanted, “I just told her I wanted her to stay.”

“And?”

“And she was all like.. ‘Why should I stay?’”

Anders huffed out a laugh. “Of course she was...”

“Right. But I think I blacked out for the next, like, 45 minutes, because I don’t even know what happened. We just talked about everything.”

“Everything?”

“Yeah.”

“Like how you slept in bed with me for a week because you ‘just missed her sooooo much’?” Anders giggled, earning an offended ‘hey..’ from Harry. 

“We decided we wouldn’t talk about that.”

“You decided…”

Harry mumbled something about shutting the fuck up, though the two had succumbed totally to a fit of giggles. They stayed like that for a while, snickering like two kids in the back of a classroom. Eventually the sound died down, just as your abs were beginning to hurt from stiffling your own laughter so hard. 

“Anyway,” Harry breathed out in a sigh. “You know what happened next?”

“She told you to fuck off?”

“She kissed me.” 

Harry spit the words out in a voice that didn’t even sound like him, the grin more than evident in the sound. 

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m serious.“

“You’re a lair!”

“I’m dead fucking serious!” Harry continued. You heard him shifting behind the door, probably sitting up. “I thought I was going to fucking die, dude. Like my heart was beating so hard I was actually scared I would have a fucking heart attack.”

“I’m freaking the fuck out right now.” Anders chirped. “I’m freaking out. Holy shit. Holy shit, dude. Fuck.”

“I know!” Harry agreed, “I’m still freaking out. I’ve been, like, shaking all day. She slept in my bed with me and everything last night. Felt like a fuckin movie, man.”

“So you fucked, then?” Anders said, getting an offended scoff in response. 

“Shut the fuck up.“

“What?” Anders scoffed right back. “You get laid for the first time in months after literally cuddling me to sleep and you won’t even tell me about it?”

It was quiet for a minute, the gears no doubt spinning full speed in his pretty little head. Finally he spoke again. 

“We didn’t have sex.” Harry admitted, a bit quieter now. “But we did, like, everything else. Multiple times.”

“Let’s fucking go!” Anders screamed, “That’s what I’m talking about!” 

“I know, right?” Harry bubbled. “It was awesome.”

“Better than just kissing her, for sure.” Anders said. “Been there done that. Kind of underwhelming, to be honest.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m just saying!” Anders laughed. “I’ve kissed her before and it was honestly kind of a bore. Not the best kisser I’ve come across, that’s for su-“

“Yeah, okay, fucker. Remind me how my dick tastes again?” Harry cut him off, though the only edge to his voice was a humorous one. 

“The only good part of the kiss, bro.” Anders teased him, making you roll your eyes so hard they almost fell out of your head. “I swear it.”

“Say something about kissing my girlfriend again and see what fucking happens.”

“Girlfriend, huh?”

“Uh-huh.”

It got really quiet for a second after that, when you suddenly heard a sad kind of whimper. It took you a second to realize it was Anders. 

“I’m fucking stoked for you, man.” Anders choked out, shoving the emotion out of his voice. “I mean it. I’m losing my fucking mind over this.”

All Harry could offer was an equally as strangled. “Me too.”

“So does this mean we aren’t having sleepovers anymore when you come home?” Anders spoke eventually. “No more rom coms at my place?”

“Don’t be crazy.” Harry giggled. “I wouldn’t give that up for the world, bro.”

///

You weren’t sure how long you sat there, just listening. You felt bad for eavesdropping, really, but the sounds of them talking warmed you up in every corner. You had laid down on the floor now, curled up in a ball as you listened to them talk about movies and new smoothie recipes and who had written more songs in lock down. Eventually, just as you were about to pry yourself off the hardwood to run down the hall to the bathroom, you heard Harry’s tone get serious and soft.

“Can I be vulnerable with you for a second, bro?” He asked. You furrowed your brow for a second, nearly laughing out loud at his choice of words but choking it down just in time. 

“Always, brother.” Was Anders' response. They were ridiculous, you decided. Basically an old married couple.

“Don’t laugh.”

“Won’t.”

“Okay…” Harry began, that same hesitation in his voice he’d had so many times with you before. “So you know how I told you we haven’t actually had sex yet? Well, I just… I mean.. Honestly, I haven’t had sex with her yet because I’m too scared.”

You braced yourself for the giggling, but it never came. “Why, man?“ Anders asked, only giving you a split second to commend him mentally for his maturity before he added: “Afraid you’ll bust too fast?”

“No, that’s not-“ Harry spoke, only to let out his own dry chuckle. “I mean, yeah. But that’s not what I mean. I’m just worried because I want it to be perfect, you know? Like I just feel a lot of pressure over it because I fucked it up so bad before and I feel like half the times we’ve even had sex are just bad memories for her. What if I fuck it up?” Anders didn’t say anything, letting Harry totally unload before offering his thoughts. “Like it’s really important to her. And then I’m thinking, you know, what if I do have sex with her and then she decides she wants nothing to do with me? Like what if she changes her mind? I won’t ever come back from that, bro, I won’t. I won’t. It’ll kill me.”

Anders didn’t speak for a while, mulling the words over in his mind. “I think whatever happens will be perfect for her, man.” Anders responded. “If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. She’ll fuckin respect that, dude. Don’t think so much about it.”

“I can’t help it.”

“You can.” Anders said firmly. “You have to. You won’t be able to enjoy all of this if you’re just scared the entire time that it won’t work out.”

Harry sighed, the sound of him being stuck in his head all too familiar to you. “I mean… you’re right. And I’m trying but I just.. Fuck, man. You know? I’m freaking out.”

“So stop.”

“I’m trying to!” Harry insisted, clearly exasperated. “The only reason I’m talking to you now is because I haven’t been able to stay away from her for more than five minutes. She’s asleep downstairs right now and even this is fucking killing me, because what if I go back downstairs and she’s, like, gone? Or she wakes up and decides she wants to leave after all?” He let out an exhausted breath before continuing. “She’s probably fucking sick of me already, I’ve been glued to her all day. Like a fly. And I’m doing everything I can to show her how much I like her, to make it all up to her, and it just doesn’t feel like enough. I just… Fuck, I don’t know. I’m so in love with her it’s like I’m in pain. It hurts everywhere.”

Harry breathed heavily for a second. “I’ve done everything, man. We’re talking like almost ten times, if you know what I mean. I just want her to know I like her, you know? I don’t know how else to prove it other than that.”

“First of all, ew.” Anders groaned. “Second of all, there’s a million other things you can do other than that to prove that you like her. Let your actions speak for you, y’know?”

“Making her cum is an action.”

“That’s-“ Anders let out a deep sigh, giggling jo matter how hard he tried to hold it in. “You know that’s not what I mean. You just need to talk to her. Tell her how you’re feeling.”

“I am.”

“Okay, well fuck me and my advice, I guess.” Anders huffed. “Do you want my honest opinion or not?”

“Give it to me.”

“I think you’re doing that thing where you think something terrible is about to happen when it’s not. You know that thing you’ve been working on?” Harry hummed along softly, probably nodding to himself. “Yeah, that. So just fuckin stop it. I’m telling you honestly that I know for a fact that she’s obsessed with you. Like, actually insane. She acted like she was fine this whole time but she slept in your shirts for weeks, bro. I walked into her house once and she was watching fucking ‘Harry Styles Funny Moments’ on YouTube.”

At that absolutely horrifying admission, (something Anders had sworn he’d never speak of, by the way), Harry let out the sweetest most heart wrenching little laugh you’d ever heard. 

“You’re saying that to make me feel better.”

“I really, genuinely wish that I was.” Anders said dryly, making you wince. So much for taking that secret to the grave. “You’re gonna be fine, man. I promise. And if you decide you want to have sex with her-“

“I do. I really fucking do.”

“Jesus, okay. Well, whenever you decide to do that, maybe talk to her first. Tell her how you’re feeling. Have a fuckin heart to heart, bro.”

“Yeah, because that’s really gonna get her going. Hey babe, I know you’re trying to get fucked right now, but would you mind if I talk about my insecurities first?”

“You’ll be fine.” Anders retorted with a snort. “You know how you’re always telling me I’m okay? That I’m going to be fine? I always listen to you, man. So fuckin give me some credit here and just listen to me for once, okay? You’re going to be fine.”

“I’ll be fine.” Harry repeated, albeit a bit shakily. “I’ll be fine.”

[smuttyaf]

The Business

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐞𝐧, 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐚.

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞: 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞/𝐠𝐚𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐫, 𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐬 & 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩, 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤, 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐛𝐝𝐬𝐦. 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭.

𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬:

his life is starting to affect you.

𝐣𝐚𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧’𝐬 𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐛:

the story about how you meet.

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐬𝐭:

harry shows you what he does for work.

𝐲𝐞𝐬, 𝐦𝐫. 𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞𝐬: ( 𝐱𝐱𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚 )

harry introduces bdsm.

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐦

secrets cut wounds into the relationship.

𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞

you’re compelled to adapt to his lifestyle.

[violetsandfluff]

After meeting Y/N for the first time, Harry was more deeply in love with her than ever. He was over the moon about her joining them on their world tour and he couldn’t wait to help her move into their bus.

The bus was huge on the inside for how small it was on the outside. The back of it was separated off by a wall and inside were four bunk beds. Only three were ever used, Harry and Niall in one, Liam and Louis in another, and Zayn in the third. Zayn tended to toss and turn a lot in his sleep, so the boys put him alone.

The beds stood, tightly packed, on each of the four walls. Y/N would inhabit the empty bunk bed and have the choice to take the top or bottom bunk.

Harry and Liam were forced into the bottom bunks by Niall and Louis who were much shorter than them. In their minds, this meant superiority.

Harry hoped Y/N would pick the bottom bunk directly across from his. He would be able to stare at her pretty sleeping figure. He imagined telling the boys that. They would go mad, have an absolute fit! That’s how Harry amused himself, mentally watching Liam blow his lid.

Maybe Harry wasn’t normal, and so what? He was a man deeply in love and that was that.

“You gonna help Y/N load her things on here, Haz?”

Zayn asked, receiving a scoff from Liam. “‘Course he is. He’s gonna try to carry it all at once too, just to show off.”

“I am not a show off,” Harry retorted defiantly. “I’ll be perfect safe about everything, guaranteed.”

Niall burst out laughing, but somehow managed a shaky, “Harry not being a show off is like me being a lion.”

Louis let out a loud ‘Ha’ and pointed a finger at Niall. “See, Harry? Y/N knows you’re a show off and she knows you have a raging crush on her, why don’t you tell her yourself?”

“Don’t need to,” Harry grumped in response. “Y’guys did it all for me this morning.”

Before he could hear things up more, a soft knock came from the door of the bus.

Y/N.

Harry rushed to open the door for her and the rest of the guys sat on the couch, exchanging knowing smirks.

“I knew it,” whispered Liam with a discreet eye roll. “What did I say? The man’s mad!”

“Nah, Li,” Niall corrected as he threw his arm around the back of the bench. “He’s a lad with a crush, tha’s all. Let it run its course and he’ll be fine.”

“Fine, my ass!” Louis laughed. “Have you ever seen his brain so one-tracked?”

Zayn shook his head, but shushed the others as Harry began helping Y/N carry her belongings in. They watched his body language, the way he giggled at everything she said and his cheeks heated up like a little girl’s.

After one trip onto the bus each, Y/N’s things were completely loaded and Liam couldn’t help asking, “need any help, strong guy?”

[gypsylarry28]

Outlander inspired Larry fic! (ongoing)

1948: Louis Tomlinson unenthusiastically follows through with his wife's desire, Eleanor, to visit the standing stones of Craigh na Dun. He thinks not to much of it, until one afternoon, Louis is catapulted through the circle of stones and vanishes 200 years into the past. He is met with a band of outlawed smugglers, whom takes him on a fascinating, unforeseen journey. Amid the chaos and danger, Louis finds himself being drawn to the smugglers' leader, the infamous Harry Styles. Louis finds himself torn between two lives, which one will he choose?

or the au where Louis Tomlinson travels 200 years back and slowly but helplessly falls in love with an outlawed smuggling criminal, Harry Styles.

Soul from the Stars - Chapter 1 - gypsylarry28 - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own]

[timeisacircleofangst]

crows as song lyrics pt. 1

Kaz: If clarity's in death why won't this die?/ Years of tearing down our banners you and I/ living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts/ Give me back my girlhood it was mine first

Inej: And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences/ Sit with you in the trenches/ Give you my wild, give you a child/ Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other

Jesper: Time won't fly, its like I'm paralyzed by it/ Just want to be my old self again/ But I'm still trying to find it

Wylan: You can let it go/ You can throw a party full of everyone you know/ You can start a family full of everyone you love/ You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up

Nina: What should be burrowed under my skin/ in heart-stopping waves of hurt/ I've come too far to watch some name-dropping sleaze/ tell my what are my words worth

Matthias: All of my past, I tried to erase it/ But now I see would I even change it/ Might share a face and share a last name/ but we are not the same

read tags for reasoning

[fictionalfantasies]

Thanks again to @ShyGuySamurai for also creating a cover for Aquarius with all the central characters! Also, the Wattys are open for submissions, and they're even accepting Ongoing stories this year, so Aquarius is now officially in the running! Crossing my fingers; this is the first time I'm submitting anything! ♒

https://www.wattpad.com/story/317284409

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

I know you used to prefer Harry to Louis so what did you think of Louis back then? People (mostly larries but also OT5’s and OT4’s), and they always have, act like Louis gets a pass for things but Harry doesn’t and I never saw that. There were people who did, of course, but the primary view always seemed to be about how perfect Harry is. What did you think/notice? As a fan from the beginning, I liked Harry but I also didn’t quite trust everything about him because of what I saw with his career, even before 1D broke up. I noticed early on how articles positioned him as the most interesting one, the most talented, the best in every way and I just didn’t see anything to actually back these kind of articles up. So when I noticed what was happening with Harry’s solo career, and how they were again using him to put down the others, I was disappointed but not overly surprised. So I guess I do come at it from the direction of someone who noticed these things in Harry and since his solo career hasn’t particularly interested me with his music for the most part, it’s been easier for me to detach from expecting better from him. But it also means I get truly concerned at the state of people who act as apologists for Harry. Fans of Niall, who claim to only care about Niall and his career, defend Harry. Fans of Zayn, who hate all the other boys, somehow find it in themselves to make excuses for Harry. It’s honestly baffling.

Anon,

When 1D were together and throughout Harry’s first album, I loved Harry.

I gave him a lot of goodwill because I believed fandom’s faith in him. When I saw cringey things (like yachtgate, the lyrics to Only Angel and Kiwi, the Townes story of Carolina), I explained them away because i kept hoping that these were aberrations. I believed that Harry really loved classic rock, and that his love of music was authentic. I believed him when he said bandmates should be loyal to each other, and that he didn’t want fame.

What happened throughout 2018 shocked me to the core. I think my reality check with Harry’s involvement in Ben Winston’s show Happy Together.

The show completely erased 1D (and Louis) in a vicious way, and Harry profited from it. There was no way to spin this positively.

At that point, it was undeniable that Harry wanted to dominate in all of pop culture, and his strategy included — as you said— willingness to punch his ex-bandmates down to achieve it. Harry already had every advantage: why did he feel a need to do this?

From my vantage point, the bandmates, ESPECIALLY LOUIS, had always supported Harry and built him up (even as only a bandmate). So how could Harry return the friendship by essentially encouraging his fans to go at the others?

BUT. It still took me another year to let things sink in, because I had invested so much time in Harry, and because I had to be sure… I had to get facts and not go on my feelings alone.

(My friends were also all the biggest Harrie Larries in fandom now, and I had my own issue with Louies trying to doxx me… which made things very hard.)

But once Louis started Walls promo, starting with Two of Us, his strongly positive personality overcame any of my internal struggles. 2019 was— again— an eye-opening revelation. To watch Sony and Harry try to co-opt Walls promo for Harry, to see their promo timelines dovetailed so exactly in real time, and every one of Harry’s announcements taking away Louis’ shine, to see blatant blacklisting of Louis’ songs and interviews, the way that the name of Louis’ album Walls so carelessly leaked on the same weekend Lights Up came out… on the same anniversary as Just Like You, on International Coming Out Day… wow.

From then on, I didn’t look back. It was Louis for me. Louis’ personality, his kindness, his intelligence, his willingness to do the hard work despite what he has been through, his generosity, his light — Louis was worth everything.

As for Harry’s apologists, I do get very angry sometimes (especially with Harry’s psycho fans who stalk everyone in the fandom), but that’s their misfortune, in a way. It’s their life invested in a bad person, their time, their money thrown away for a man who cares only about himself. They wasted their life, as I had wasted mine, and they eventually have to do the moral reckoning. Yes, they popularized Harry, but corporate money was going to do that anyway— we can’t fight that with facts. Facts do no matter in pop culture. I’ve learned to let it go.

[lilystyles]

style masterlist.

this series is currently ongoing!! a @lilystyles series.

y/n has had a crush on harry since they were kids but he’s off-limits. him being her best friend’s brother and all she has never made a move, knowing emma wouldn’t approve. but lines are blurred one night and she doesn’t know if she can follow the rules like a good girl.

or y/n is off limits and harry just can't have that.

fratboy!older!bffsbrother!harry x younger!innocent!reader

* * * * *

style

harry seeks comfort, lines are blurred, y/n doesn’t think she can follow the rules like a good girl. (11.4k)

song for this chapter 'Style' by Taylor Swift.

wildest dreams

y/n and harry start to see each other more and more. but it's a secret, things get complicated when emma sets y/n up on a blind date. harry doesn't like it. (15k)

song for this chapter 'Wildest Dreams' by Taylor Swift.

blank space

niall throws the party of the century, and harry gives y/n a gift. (11k)

song for this chapter 'Blank Space' by Taylor Swift.

* * * * *

thanks for all the love for style!H angels he loves u too :)

[harryistheonlyoneforme]

Harry Styles Masterlist

Series

Ruin (complete) - in which an innocent YN goes into her very first gynaecology appointment unsure of what she should expect. her first visit is definitely not what she’d expected [gynaecologist harry]

Just A Little Taste (ongoing) - in which YN books a much needed massage appointment from someone named H. Styles. Imagine her surprise when the most beautiful man she’s ever seen arrives for her massage [masseuse harry]

One Shots

Quality Time* - in which harry and yn spend some quality time on the couch [cottage core harry]

Maison* - in which harry returns home after being away and just wants to be close to his wife [ceo harry]

Align* - in which yn is bent over doing yoga and harry wants her to stay just like that [stepdad harry]

Wake Up Call* - in which harry comes home after a long flight to a wonky ac and a wife who’s fast asleep [nhl player harry]

Restless* - yn is needy after seeing harry come home after a match, but he needs his rest [boxer harry]

Grumpy* - in which harry comes home to yn in a bad mood and makes all of those nasty feelings go away [nhl player harry]

Just One More* - in which yn is ready for a baby and harry can’t get enough [nhl player harry]

Focus* - in which yn keeps eyeing harry’s arms and he puts them to good use [dad’s best friend harry]

Little Freak*- a sneaky YN decides to tease her secret boyfriend from across the room, and Harry doesn’t like his patience tested [dads bestfriend harry] Tastes So Sweet* - Harry and YN indulge after a day out together [bestfriend harry]

Partition* - in which yn is mad at harry and he lets her take her frustrations out on him [ceo harry]

Got Me Right Where You Want Me* - YN and Harry spend a day on the golf course together, but she won’t make it easy for him [ceo harry]

Kiss in the Kitchen like it’s a Dance Floor* - Harry comes home after a long day at work and wants nothing more than to spend an evening with his wife. She never fails to remind him of how they’re perfect for each other [ceo harry]

Simplicity* - Something as simple as Harry scrolling on his phone can send a pregnant Yn into a frenzy [ceo harry]

Can’t Get You Off My Mind* - with YN’s mother out of town for the weekend, and most likely Harry, YN has decided to get a little wild. what she doesn’t know is that she should check her sources before inviting people into her home [dads bestfriend harry]

Could We Live With Just A Taste* - Harry and YN decide to make some vegan weed brownies that she saw on tiktok and end up eating way more than the recommended amount. The both of them being heavily intoxicated leads to an unexpected end to the night [plug harry]

I Don’t Wanna Talk To You* - YN shows up to Harry’s house for an impromptu visit and what she finds literally flips her upside down [cheater harry]

I Just Want What’s Mine* - Harry and YN attend a pack party, and when she decides to tease him, he shows her why she shouldn’t [werewolf harry]

Walk Through Fire For You - after a draining week at work, Harry takes it upon himself to try and make YN feel better [roommate/bestfriend harry]

subspace*

Harry fingering YN in the mirror*

Thigh riding and finger sucking*

Quickie* Part 2* [DBF Harry]

One of Harry’s employees is rude to YN without knowing who she is [CEO Harry]

pregnant reader wants to ride ceo harry*

mafia harry goes on a tampon run*

first mother’s day without yn [widower harry]

~

[morganbritton132]

thinking of eddie one day on live saying he doesn’t get why the internet calls him a wifeguy, him being defensive saying he talks about steve a normal amount people just over exaggerate it cause they’re gay

someone then proceeds to link him a 40 minute long youtube compilation thats part 4 in a ongoing series of eddie always finding the strangest ways to bring steve up in interviews, constantly derailing conversations without realizing, just being absolutely disgustingly in love etc etc. the video also includes the interviewers’ confusion as they try to comprehend what on earth steve has anything to do with what they just asked + the series has a counter of how many times eddie is recorded saying “my husband” that is currently well past the 200’s

eddie ends the live in embarrassment

I think Eddie would be offended the first time someone called him a wifeguy.

Someone in the chat say that Eddie is such a wifeguy and Eddie is just like, “Ummm, no? I’m not a ‘wifeguy’ because I’m gay. I’m married to a man. A wife does not enter the equation. I’m a husband-guy. A husband-husband, if you will.”

Eddie goes to find Steve and tells him, “Someone on the internet called you my wife.”

Steve, who is just trying to eat his lunch in peace: Oh-kay?

Eddie to the camera: He’s offended. Look at him.

People in the comments explain to him that a wifeguy is just a guy who loves his spouse and talks about them all the time. The term is a bit heteronormative, but the concept is just guy that loves his spouse, like Eddie. And Eddie is cool with that until someone else comments about how a lot of wifeguys have recently cheated or left their wives and they don’t want Eddie and Steve to break up.

Eddie responds to that and says, “Yeah…I don’t want – I don’t want that. I don’t want to be grouped with the YouTube guy that cheated on his wife at a Harry Styles concert. And I don’t talk about Steve all the time. I just tell you guys funny little stories and he happens to be there.”

Commence everybody linking Eddie in YouTube compilations of him talking about Steve, dating all the way back to Corroded Coffins’ first interview where he’s purposely not gendering his partner while he talks about how they were the inspiration of their current single.

I don’t think Eddie would be embarrassed because I think he just owns everything about himself, but I do think that he would go and find Steve again and film him showing Steve part 4 of the YouTube series Eddie Munson Loving His Husband.

Steve, who is still just trying to eat lunch, is like, “Ed, this forty minutes.”

Eddie: Shh, look how much I love you. Look how much I express my love for you. I’m giving you a – digital copy of my love. It’s – it’s a gift from me to you.

Steve: …Did you forget my birthday?

Eddie: It’s your birthday?!

End of stream.

<- Last Post | Next Post ->

[sparkrls]

Youtuber!Y/N x Harry Styles

MASTERLIST

Summary: Y/N is a Youtuber who does videos on celebrity gossip, then gets cancelled for the unethical nature of her channel. And finds her way to Harry to be better and learn from her mistakes.

Author’s Note: Tumblr exclusive! We’re feeding the girlies 🤪

•••

THE DEVIL HAS FALLEN: Y/N Y/L/N FEUD WITH AMANDA MCADAMS FINALLY OVER?

After months of a brutal and relentless feud between Youtube influencer Y/N Y/L/N and actress Amanda McAdams, it seems that Y/N has finally disappeared

After deleting all social media posts, and wiping her accounts clean, Y/N released a statement on twitter, declaring:

Y/N Y/L/N started off as a Youtube creator, filming videos of her singing covers of her favorite songs. After finding no success, she began to venture into creating videos about the one thing she knew everything about: celebrity culture.

Y/N found rapid success and her videos soon became viral, with her first series, ‘Internet Gossip’, explaining various cases of infamous celebrity deama. With the rise of social media and a wave of consuming media based on celebrity drama and gossip, Y/N found her place among an audience of mostly young women.

Soon becoming very successful with her videos, she branched out, beginning a few series, among them, ‘Salty Scandal’, focused on celebrity feuds and ‘Radical Romance’, about ongoing or previous famous relationships.

Although Y/N had a large fanbase, her rise to celebrity status was her first red carpet at the People’s Choice Awards, where she participated as an interviewer. It didn’t take long for her to become viral, as she was abrasive and blunt with her questions, not wasting time by beating around the bush.

Among fans and watchers, she was known as someone who searched for truth. Among those questioned, she was thought of as a person who dedicated their life to exposing others and invading privacy.

Y/N began to see the results of her fame. Her community grew and she hosted countless red carpets, interviewing the most famous people on the planet. And just as she seemed on top of the world, her downfall came from her own creation.

With the video, ‘Amanda McAdam: Actress or Victim?’, Y/N claimed that McAdam’s had dramatized her experience with a verbally abusive director, and that it was all for ‘a pity party’.

Following this video, McAdam’s and Y/L/N began a long feud, including several Twitter arguments and subtle shade thrown at each other in interviews or Instagram posts.

It culminated in what seemed to be the final blow; McAdam leaking Y/L/N's address. People and paparazzi alike stood outside of Y/L/N's home, with signs and hollers to let her know what they thought of her. This caused the Youtuber to have to hire private security to escort her as she moved to an undisclosed new home.

Everyone is glad to see Y/N, the devil of the internet, finally gone from the public view. Hopefully forever.

liked by y/nstan07 and 188,242 others

celebrityupdates Y/N Y/L/N spotted for the first time in THREE MONTHS out in LONDON today!

view all 2,541 comments

username1 wtf? who wants to see her?

username2 Did I miss something? Since when is she in hiding? And didn't she use to live in LA?

-> username3 Since her address was leaked by Amanda

-> username2 omg, that’s so fucked up

-> username3 Y/N had it coming after all the shit she said about Amanda

username4 idc what y’all say, y/n is still an icon and that b**ch

username5 I don't agree with anything that Y/N does, but her having to move to another CONTINENT to avoid stalkers and death threats is too far

username6 she should’ve stayed in hiding

username7 Y/N is so fake, she deserves all the hate, tbh

liked by yourinstagram and 5,927 others

ynisthatbitch Y/N for her newest interview with Variety

view all 1,876 comments

username1 WTF? Isn’t she cancelled?

username2 I really don’t care how much she claims to have ‘changed and improved’. Once a devil always a devil

username3 Y/N does NOT deserve a redemption arc after all the shit she talked

username4 Does Y/N seriously think that she can disappear a few months, claim to have gone to therapy and done self-reflection and everything will be fine?

-> username5 I think she just craves attention

-> username6 LMAO fr, Y/N just wants to be famous again. TOO BAD!

username7 Honestly y’all, if you took the time to read the article properly, you’d understand that Y/N was just a teenager!

-> username8 Y/N was literally fifteen when she started making those videos. Every 15-year-old makes mistakes

-> username9 Y/N is no longer 15. She’s now 21 and should know better.

-> username10 Or maybe it took a reality check to burst Y/N’s bubble and make her realize that she’d normalized things that shouldn’t be normalized?

-> username9 That sounds like excuses to me

liked by sparkrls and 107,187 others

harryflorals HARRY AND Y/N Y/L/N LEAVING THE SAME GYM TODAY IN LONDON!

view all 15,678 comments

username1 WHAT THE FUCK???

username2 this cannot be real

username3 why would harry associate with the devil?

-> username4 lmao fr fr

username5 It has to be a coincidence

-> username6 Did Harry conveniently forget that Y/N once made a whole video about his relationship with Kendall Jenner and called it a 'wretched PR stunt’???

-> username7 I find it crazy to believe that THIS isn’t a PR stunt

username8 Maybe y’all shouldn’t make assumptions about people you haven’t met? Harry clearly knows Y/N personally and has good judgment.

-> username9 stfu, no one asked for your opinion

username10 Is it so wild to believe that people can change (Y/N)?

-> username11 once a devil, always a devil

liked by gemmastyles and 833,384 others

annetwist It was wonderful to meet the lovely @yourinstagram and finally hear her perspective on her life! Read the article, written by yours truly. Thank you, Y/N, for your well-thought and introspective words ❤️

view all 22,864 comments

yourinstagram Thank you for giving me the chance to talk to you and share my side of the story 🫶

-> annetwist 💕

username1 Y/N is Anne-approved. That’s all I need to know.

username2 what is wrong with the world?

username3 I expected better of you. I thought you had common decency than to associate with the devil

-> annetwist I believe that God is all about forgiveness and Y/N has found her way to kindness and forgiveness ❤️

username4 say it with me, 4+4=

-> username5 ATEEE

username6 Thank you, Anne, for interviewing Y/N and giving us such a fresh perspective on everything that happened in her life. Loved the article 💕

-> annetwist Thank you, love

liked by gemmastyles and 2,194,801 others

yourinstagram Hell Is My Birthplace. New Single. Jun 1, 2022.

view all 7,657 comments

annetwist Can’t wait to hear it

harrystyles 🔥

-> username1 EXCUSE ME?!?

taylorswift WOW. Loved the preview 😉

-> username2 MOTHER?

-> username3 nothing is more iconic than y/n’s once greatest rivals now becoming her biggest supporters

username4 Y’all doubting if Y/N changed, but if Taylor and Harry can forgive her, so can I

username5 ICON. MOTHER.

username6 you don’t get it. y/n was called a devil and now she’s saying hell is her birthplace. and it was announced on the anniversary of her cancellation. you just don’t get it.

username7 no one will ever love y/n and her cunty moves more than me

username8 I LOVE YOU

username9 I hope your address gets leaked again

username10 ONCE A DEVIL ALWAYS A DEVIL

-> username11 stfu

liked by ynstan07 and 15,768 others

ynupdates INSIDER INFO FROM DEUXMOI!

view all 1,656 comments

username1 I can’t imagine Harry with someone with Y/N

username2 Honestly, I get it. As an ‘I can fix him’ girlie, I understand Harry 😔

username3 not my husband with the devil!!!

username4 Speechless

username5 they lowkey seem cute together

username6 I'm happy if Harry is happy

username7 If Harry is dating her, then Y/N has definitely changed

liked by harrystyles and 1,646,410 others

yourinstagram Paint the Town Red. 2nd Single.

view all 2,678 comments

username1 not harry liking all of her posts 😭

-> username2 man is WHIPPED

username3 MMM SHE THE DEVIL

-> username4 obsessed with y/n leaning into the devil image during her comeback

username5 is anyone concerned that she’s being so provocative?

-> username6 y/n has been laying low and keeping her life to herself. i’m not concerned

-> username7 i think she’s the happiest she’s ever been, tbh

username8 that line "You can't talk no shit without penalties" DAMN

-> yourinstagram I said what I said

liked by harrystyles and 1,121,107 others

yourinstagram dancing with our hands tied. a good metaphor and my 3rd single. out now <3

view all 3,787 comments

harrystyles 💕

-> username1 harry KNOWS this song is about him and y/n

-> username2 He’s a proud boyfriend and we stan

username3 omg the soft launch

username4 PARENTS 😭

username5 lowkey concerned about the two together

username6 am i the only one who doesn’t like the two of them together? it feels icky

-> username7 good thing it’s not your relationship

-> username6 y/n is a terrible person

-> username8 you’ve never met her. don’t make assumptions

username9 awww my babies 😭

username10 I LOVE YOUR MUSIC AAAAA

liked by yourinstagram and 5,677,207 others

harrystyles Grammys. February 2024.

view all 87,567 comments

yourinstagram thanks for being my date <3

-> harrystyles always xx

username1 not my parents flirting in the comments 😭😭😭

annetwist cuties 💕

gemmastyles love you both ❤️

username5 THE FAMILY APPROVAL

username6 Y/N is officially the first gf to be on Harry’s IG feed

username7 tbh, I think that Harry really helped Y/N at her worst and allowed her to redeem herself

-> username8 FR. look at her smile. She’s never seemed so happy. I think Y/N is finally being herself

-> harrystyles Y/N did all the work herself, I was just along for the ride x

-> yourinstagram Don’t be fooled no matter what he says, he saved me.

username10 WAR IS OVEEERRRR

username11 I love seeing Y/N grow so much in her life

-> username12 I don’t think she ever liked who she was before. She seems so happy now

-> yourinstagram Funny how being yourself can fulfill a person. Become a version of yourself that you can love and love will surround you

[shroombloomm]

18+ - read at your own discretion.

wattpad books:

• sinners place, (ongoing; harry styles is a priest & anna camino is a church girl. dark harry fic.)

• starboy, (ongoing, harry styles is a star-being desperate to save his planet & aurora is a college student, infatuated with astronomy.)

• singularity, (a book of MC one shots, all of them smutty.)

• sacré bleu, (ongoing, harry is a painter who wants to change the way people see women, and margot is a model who struggles with her own body image.) — | tumblr version

~~

tumblr works:

• tanktoprry.*

• plug + bhhrry.*

~~

fantasy/dark harry:

• the dark king*, (harry styles is a dark peter pan.)

[harrywavycurly]

Summary: Harry Styles has been your bestfriend since you met him right before One Direction started their break and he started working on his solo career. Over the years the two have been there for each other through all the good and all the bad, he’s been there ready with a pint of ice cream and a hug whenever someone broke your heart just like you’ve been there cheering him on during all his accomplishments throughout his career. But somewhere along the way Harry’s feelings for you changed and now he has to navigate trying to figure out if telling you how he feels is worth the risk of losing you.

Story Type: Friends to lovers

Status: Ongoing

Tag List: Open

Instagrams: Coming Soon✨

Conversations: Here

Everything Else: Here

*This is a texting story but you’ll find everything in the correct order below*

Part 1: That’s Not True

Part 2: Gossip

Part 3: Irish Goodbye

[ohmoonbeam]

OHMOONBEAM’S HARRY STYLES WRITERS MASTERLIST

Since the inception of this blog back in April 2019, I’ve shared the work of so many absolutely wonderful writers that have brought joy to my day with their work. They’ve been there when I’ve needed to laugh, cry, stay awake, lull me to sleep, and just about every space in between.

The writer masterlist found here is solely for Harry Styles so there’s no shortage of fics to keep you and me entertained.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much to all the writers on Tumblr & AO3 for sharing your work with us, and putting yourself out there - it’s scary, trust me I know! - and for continuing even when it’s been hard. You’re all superstars.

So without further ado, here’s my little list of the writers I’ve shared work from on this blog, I hope you enjoy their pieces of escapism as much as I do.

This list will be ongoing.

A - E

@allthelovehes // @astranva // @atlafan // @be-with-me-so-happily // @cherryjuiceblues // @eveningepiphany

F - J

@finelinevogue // @finestoflines // @fkinavocado // @freedomfireflies // @gucciwins // @gurugirl // @harryistheonlyoneforme // @harrysfinelinevol1 // @harrysonlylover // @havethetimeofyourstyles // @helladirections // @ihearthes // @jarofstyles

K - O

@loveontourlove // @lukesaprince // @moonchildstyles // @mydearesthrry

P - T

@pretendingboyfriends // @shawnxstyles // @stylesberries // @stylescine // @stylesloveclub // @sunflowervolvimp3 // @tsumtsumrry // @twostepstyless

U - Z

@watchmegetobsessed // @0nlythrowharrybeaux

Please send me any writers I've not yet shared here!

And thank you so much to these writers x

[novelistrry]

“I will not give this to you,” Y/N shook her head and furrowed her eyebrows. She almost cringed at the tone of her voice, so abrasive and calloused. Harry brought out the worst in her, he really did. Though, she didn’t understand how Harry could make this frustration brew inside of her when the rest of the Styles were so lovely to be around.

In two long strides, Harry was rounding the writing desk and in front of her. He towered over her, reaching for the crumpled letter in her hands and before she could grasp the paper tighter, it slipped beneath her fingertips and he was reading it aloud.

“I thought you said this wasn’t for me, Princess?” Harry wasn’t asking, it was more rhetorical than anything. The mock in his tone sent a heat through her, plummeting up from where her heart dropped in her stomach to the apples of her cheeks.

Or

Harry is a prince, Y/N is a princess, and Harry is insufferable.

Tropes: Enemies to lovers, forced proximity, tension, etc.

Word Count: 3k

Disclaimer: This is an ongoing blurb. I do write full fics, but this blurb will have multiple parts and be posted in between fics (I am shooting for about 8-10 depending on the word count of each blurb).

Y/N hated Harry.

Actually, she wasn’t quite sure the loathing could run quite as deep as it did. It was almost as if when her eyes locked with his, or she got a whiff of his cologne in the corridor, the hatred would flow through her veins and act as a power source. As if the only fuel she needed was how much she absolutely and utterly loathed that man.

So when her handmaid had told her summertime was officially in action, and she knew what summertime brought, Y/N wanted to stomp her foot like a child and throw herself onto the floor. 

Summer was supposed to be excellent, filled with fruits and sunny skies. It was supposed to be warm and lovely, but when Y/N’s parents invite Harry and his family to the palace every summer, it’s hard to find enjoyment in the season. 

He was beautiful, there was no doubt about that, and Y/N wasn’t one to deny it. Green mosaic eyes, captivating and alluring like a siren sat atop a rock luring sailors in with that beautiful voice. Only instead of using his rhythmic voice to lure her in, he used the gaze of his eyes. Soft features and delicate sculpting to his face that were so perfect it was absolutely infuriating. He was perfect, truly, in every way possible and the people loved his beautiful face and charming personality. 

Except when the large wooden doors shut, leaving Y/N and Harry alone (which wasn’t supposed to happen per Y/N’s request, by the way), his mouth was foul and his charming qualities were consigned to oblivion. Around Y/N, Harry was his worst version of himself and Y/N could not stand him. 

“I don’t want him to come this year, Dorothea!” Y/N exclaimed to her chambermaid as her heels clicked against the large tile pieces. She was pacing back and forth, a nervous tick she’s had since she was little. 

Sweat accumulated in the pits of her palms, a telling sign that she was nervous, though she would never say that to Dorothea or let it be known to Harry because he would never let her live it down. 

See, Y/N and Harry were similar in two ways. One, they were both heir to a royal bloodline. And two, they were both so, so stubborn. 

“I know, dear.” Dorothea, the sweetest old lady the palace could find, spent most of her day assisting Y/N in her needs even though there weren’t very many of those. Y/N was relatively low maintenance and hated to be waited on, “It’s only three months.”

With that sentiment, Y/N sat on the edge of her bed that was just made and fluffed, deciding she would spend her day sulking in her room rather than participating in any of the start of summer festivities. As if Dorothea could tell Y/N just wanted to be left alone, she quietly made her way out of the room, and left Y/N to her own devices.

____

Maybe dreams do come true, because the summer season had officially been in swing for three days and there were no sights of Harry, or his family, lingering around the palace. Eventually, she thought she would turn the corner and catch him chatting up a chambermaid with a devilish smile and eyes that would turn a girl into a puddle of melted candy, but it had been three days and even the girls she passed (who were anticipating him heavily) were whispering about the prince being late.

By the fifth day, Y/N was beginning to feel the weight lift off her chest and the ease flood through her veins. Though she didn’t dare to ask her parents about Prince Harry’s whereabouts because that would come with an agonizingly painful interrogation (they truly believed their daughter would wed the man), and a small reprimand because of her prior years sour behavior toward him, though they didn’t know just how insufferable he was in return. 

Small talk whisked throughout the palace by the seventh day, explaining that Prince Harry would not be attending this summer season because he was to be married by the end of the year to a princess Y/N had never heard of. A small twitch shot through her chest, but she brushed it off feigning it as relief she never had to deal with him again. While Y/N acted oblivious, everyone knew the reason Harry and his family visited the palace every summer is because the families were hoping for an alliance of sorts— for Harry and Y/N to form a union, to form a bond that would end in marriage. As much as she chalked the twitch in her chest and the hollow in her belly as a feeling of relief, she was confused as to why she wished he would have written. Not necessarily her, but at least to her parents, informing that he would not be there this summer (or any summer for that matter because he was getting married) that way she didn’t have to walk around for days on end, thinking there would be a jump scare in the corridor or the dining hall.

A flicker of annoyance lit inside of her, an emotion she was familiar with and actually grateful for at the moment because it took away from the abnormal sensation in the chest and abdomen. Why wouldn’t he write? Or his parents at the very least? What kind of person does that? Y/N knew just how hard the chambermaids, the scullery kitchen, and the people who made the palace function as well as it did were working to ensure their guests were accommodated and comfortable for the three months they were staying with them.

It was very unlike Y/N, usually very polite and soft-spoken to feel that kind of irritation. The kind that was so pent up it was making her breathing slightly erratic and she was puffing breaths in and out through her nose. In a very un-Y/N like fashion, she decided that if Prince Harry wasn’t going to write to her, then she was going to write to him and tell him how distasteful his lack of presence or notification on the betrothal was.

Before she could even process what she was doing, she was in the main library of the palace, sitting at the writing table and crafting a heartfelt message to her dear friend Prince Harry, slightly berating him in each line for his so-called prince ethics (or lack-there-of). 

Dear Prince Harry,

I am sitting here, writing to tell you how distasteful I find your lack of arrival. It is great news within our palace that you are to be married, which in turn, delays your arrival to our annual summer festivities, and possibly inhibits you from attending these festivities ever again.

A true prince, knowing royal ethics, would have written far in advance, revoking his acceptance to my family’s invitation. It seems that, as always, you are too engrossed in your own endeavors to care about the people around you who have taken the time to prepare for your arrival. 

I know our royal household has been working gravely to make certain you and your family have a wonderful stay over the summer, as they have done every summer for the past two years—

“I knew I would find you in here,” his voice, clear and steady, echoed through the library bouncing off the walls and the leather bindings of the books which sat on the shelves of the wall, “You’re always in here doing something or another.”

She knew who it was by the sound of his voice, deep and sultry. He always spoke with such precision and so bluntly that even with her eyes closed, she could tell who it was just by the energy that filled the space. Arrogance and tempting were his two most significant qualities and they always filled the room, leaving her to suffocate in his presence.

Quickly, she jumped up and grabbed the letter, crumpling it in her hands. The ink was so fresh it smeared all over her hands with her rush, and when she looked to see him standing under the doorway, she noted that not a thing about him had changed. He stood with that same arrogance in his posture, his eyes were still that deep sea green, and his lips, chin, and jaw were as beautiful (if not more) as the last time she saw him.

Quirking his eyebrows, he couldn’t help himself. “Now I need to know what was in that letter you were writing. Are you in love, my dear Y/N.”

He took a step forward, and she realized he thought she would just hand the letter over to him, like it was his property to be read. And even though it technically was, the letter was now void because he did, in fact, show up for the summer season. While it may have been intended for him, the content of the letter did not matter, and because he expected her to walk over and drop the letter in the palm of his hand, that absolutely infuriated her.

“I will not give this to you,” Y/N shook her head and furrowed her eyebrows. She almost cringed at the tone of her voice, so abrasive and calloused. Harry brought out the worst in her, he really did. Though, she didn’t understand how Harry could make this frustration brew inside of her when the rest of the Styles were so lovely to be around.

In two long strides, Harry was rounding the writing desk and in front of her. He towered over her, reaching for the crumpled letter in her hands and before she could grasp the paper tighter, it slipped beneath her fingertips and he was reading it aloud.

“I thought you said this wasn’t for me, Princess?” Harry wasn’t asking, it was more rhetorical than anything. The mock in his tone sent a heat through her, plummeting up from where her heart dropped in her stomach to the apples of her cheeks.

He held the letter above the both of them, the words still readable even though the ink was smeared on the page. As he read aloud, Y/N wanted to drop to the floor and cover her ears from listening to speak her foolish words out loud. If anything, the letter was an act of catharsis. She probably would have never actually sent it to Harry, even if she said she was going to, but writing the words on the paper and pretending like she was going to send it to him was semi-therapeutic. By the second line, she was jumping in the air like a fish out of water, trying to grasp the letter from his hands so he couldn’t continue. To make matters worse, he was chuckling between words and flashing wide grins in her direction when he paused.

Eventually, the way she was jumping and frantically trying to snatch the letter from him was just as humiliating as the strong words she had put on that piece of paper he held in his hands, so she stopped and turned away from him so that he could not see the look of horror on her face as he finished reading the letter.

Finally, he got to the part where he walked in and startled her from her writing desk, her thoughts coming to an abrupt halt on the paper when his voice echoed throughout the room, and even though he was done reading the letter, she couldn’t bear to look at him. If there was one thing about Harry, he always had the upper hand with her. Always.

“I wish I hadn’t interrupted your thoughts when I came in here a few moments ago. I’m positive the rest of this letter would have been a great read, and you print your thoughts so eloquently, Y/N.” He was trying to get under her skin, even though he knew he had already burrowed himself under the flesh like a mite the second he walked in the room. That was another one of Harry’s traits— he wanted to see just how much he could push her until she snapped, because he loved watching her snap.

“Enough,” she spoke, barely turning to look at him. She caught a glimpse of him from the corner of her eye, enough for her to squint just barely and for him to know she was giving him a dirty look.

“Well, Y/N, clearly this letter was for me. Was it not?” He was doing it; pushing and pressing until the temper within her flicked on a light and her thoughts rifling through her brain started spewing like fire, the world around them turning to ash with each word that fell from her lips and targeted him like a huntsman and its prey. 

“It wasn’t for you—” She began, getting cut off by the prince.

“It clearly says ‘Dear Prince Harry, I am sitting here, writing to y—”

Within under a second, she was turning on her heels to face him once more and trying to pry the letter from his fingers to no avail. She didn’t think she could handle him reading the letter out loud once more, so she covered her ears and began begging him to stop. The worst part was the feeling she had in her gut, the feeling one gets in their gut and their throat before the tears start forming in their eyes. While Harry had many horrid qualities about him, one of her terrible qualities were tears that formed, not out of sadness, but out of anger. Deeply, she inhaled to smooth out her thoughts and quiet her mind. “Stop, stop, stop.”

Grinning like the devil, he spoke slowly and quietly so any chambermaids passing by could not hear the words he was about to speak to her, “Are you embarrassed, Princess? The girl everyone thinks is so ladylike and polite writing words that would tarnish that sweet reputation.”

“I was never going to send it, and I think you know that,” she countered, and even though she knew he knew that letter was never going to leave her possession, she felt like she needed to reiterate that point.

Carefully and slowly—almost painfully slowly— he brought his finger to her cheeks and swiped across to feel the heat radiating off of her skin and she knew he was gaining even more satisfaction at the heat in her cheeks confirming his question, that she was embarrassed by him finding her letter. To rub salt in the wound, he folded the letter up and stuffed it in the pit of his pocket where she would not dare to fish out, as it was not very polite to stick your hand in someone else’s pocket, “For safekeeping,” he stated.

Those two words made her want to do it— stick her hand in his pocket and fish the letter out, tear it to little tiny pieces, and then stomp on the shreds of paper right in front of him, but she wouldn’t do it because she, unlike him, did not lack manners.

“You are absolutely unbearable, Prince. Do not think my opinion on you has changed. I can assure you it has not,” she wanted to get under his skin the way he got under hers, so she added, “Where is your betrothed?” 

He paused for a moment, searching for the words, “I am not to be married, Y/N.”

The tone was cut and brief, not the same tone he had when she was pushing his buttons, but a clear line was drawn showing her this is where the boundary was placed, and as much as she wanted to upset him the way he upset her, Y/N did not want to pick and pry about his presumably failed engagement. Though, she did not blame the girl for not wanting to marry someone with such an insufferable attitude. And maybe, just maybe, she also didn’t want to hear about the girl. She didn’t want Harry to talk about how beautiful she was, or what her hobbies were. She didn’t want to know a thing about her or how she wormed her way into the heart of someone so aloof and out of touch with the idea of love. To put it plainly, she didn’t want to hear about their courtship and what he did to make her swoon.

Y/N would never admit it, but the first time she ever met Harry, she was taken with him. And then he opened his mouth, all-knowing and witty bordering intolerable.

“Well, then,” Y/N didn’t quite know what to say in response, seeming to be more uncomfortable with the idea of him getting married than he was.

With a mere couple inches between them, he leaned down to whisper something in her ear. Soft lips grazed the tops of her ears, a warm heat shooting through her, and though she was disgusted with herself for having such an instinctual reaction to his body and his lips so close to her skin, she was graceful enough to remind herself that it was only natural for her core to stir and her stomach to flip.

And when he finally spoke, his lips moved against her ear, “I am going to enjoy playing with you this summer, Y/N.”

She wanted to scream. She almost did.

Instead she took a step back, gasping and brushing out the wrinkles in her dress, “I absolutely loathe you.”

“I love that you loathe me,” he replied before turning on his heels and walking out of the library.

Y/N knew it was going to be a long summer filled with taunts from Harry.

And much to her dismay, that night she dreamed about his lips pressing against her.

[sunflowervoltwentyeight]

Hello! This is a fic rec of my all-time favorite fics. These fics have really stuck with me over the years, and I've read many of them multiple times. This is an ongoing fic rec, that I will continue to update. These fics are organized by word count from longest to shortest. You can view my other fic recs here. Enjoy!

Of Mates and Men by bananaheathen / @bananaheathen (630k)

In which, Louis and Harry meet as best men for their best friends' wedding... well... sort of.

Or, the one where Harry's just moved back from New York and Louis doesn't believe in romance.

Or, I guess... the one where Zayn and Liam are getting married.

Hiding Place by orphan_account (365k)

Louis never wanted a soulmate, didn’t really care for the whole Bonding thing at all, really. Enter Harry Styles, who’s wanted to be Bonded for as long as he could remember. With one fateful meeting in an X Factor bathroom, Louis gets a dagger on his arm and the realization that just because Harry is his soulmate doesn’t mean it’s mutual.

From the X Factor house to Madison Square Garden, from the Fountain Studios stage to stadiums across the world, Louis has to learn to love without losing himself completely, because someday his best friend will Bond to someone and replace Louis as the center of his universe. Meanwhile, Harry begins to think that maybe fate doesn’t actually know what it’s doing after all, because his other half has clearly been right in front of him the whole time. All he has to do now is convince Louis to give them a chance.

Or, the canon compliant Harry and Louis love story from the very beginning, where the only difference is that the love between them is literally written on their skin, and there’s only so much they can hide.

You Can Hear It In The Silence by imogenelee / @imogenleefic (234k)

When Harry Styles was accepted into a post-grad degree, he knew he could no longer afford his flat, leaving him with three options: 1) Move back into student halls. 2) Become homeless. 3) Move in with his best (and only) friend, Niall, and three of Niall's other mates. He went with the third option. But it was a close race. Shame one of his roommates reminded him why he only has one friend. If there is one thing Louis Tomlinson can't stand, it's pretentious tossers, having grown up around enough of them. If there is one thing he can't live without, it would be his friends. So he was proper thrilled to move in with his best mates and a couple of other lads. That was until he discovered one of them was the archetype for a pretentious tosser.

In the interest of seeing out the twelve-month lease without killing each other, they both try (debatable) to get along despite believing they are opposite in almost every conceivable way, each having the communication skills of a cucumber, and secrets that have no business be kept secret.

One More Time Again by orphan_account (232k)

Harry looks down to where Louis is cradling his hand between his own. Louis' hands are slender, the bones delicate, the nails bitten short. The 2-8 on the backs of his fingers is gone, but the faded scar from a skateboarding mishap in Year 7 is still there.

Harry's hand is awkward, knobby-boned and naked, no rings, no tattoos. It's too big for his wrist and his wrist too big for his arm. Yet it still somehow fits in Louis' in the painfully perfect way it always did.

He blinks back the sting in his eyes.

On the morning of his second sold-out performance at Madison Square Garden, Harry wakes up to find that he's sixteen years old, on The X Factor, and that he has a chance to make things right.

A canon-compliant fix-it fic (sort of).

Stranger Stars by shaylea (212k)

Five years ago, Africa offered a grieving Louis Tomlinson an escape from an England he couldn't tolerate. Now it's become home as he leads overland tours across the continent with his best friend and driver Zayn Malik. What's meant to be just another ordinary six-week trip from Cape Town to Nairobi turns into anything but, when future lawyer/current photographer and songwriter Harry Styles and his friends join Louis' latest set of passengers.

Given A Chance by fabby / @fabby1d (173k)

Five years after One Direction took their last tour, the last thing Louis Tomlinson ever expected to happen while on a tea run at the local Piggly Wiggly was to run into his ex-boyfriend and ex-bandmate Harry Styles.

The odds of them ever running into each other again had to be super slim, right?

Wrong.

What happens when you mix ex-boyfriends with a large serving of Small Town America? Will Louis and Harry be able to set aside their differences, or will Louis be able to stay breezy as fuck in the wake of Harry’s arrival?

(or, the one where Louis and Harry run into each other five years after One Direction ends and learn how to love each other again. Featuring: Reggie as the overweight labrador, Niall as Louis’ last grip on reality, and Nowheresville, North Carolina as the setting for Louis’ worst nightmare to come true.)

The Wonderlands by stylinsoncity /  @aliensingucci (150k)

"Somewhere between chaos and control — these are the wonderlands."

Harry's daughter, Andy, is signed to Louis' girl band. Her path to success is marked by competition, chaos, and for Harry, a love affair.

As You Are by Zarah5 (139k)

AU. Five years after The X Factor launched his career as a radio host and songwriter, Louis Tomlinson returns as a judge. Falling for a contestant is the last thing he needs. It's also against his contract.

The only reason Harry auditions for The X Factor is because his best mate signed the two of them up as some kind of joke. Harry doesn't get the big deal—not until he's faced with this season's judges and realises that one of them used to be his desperate, impossible teenage crush.

Unbelievers by isthatyoularry / @isthatyoularry (136k)

It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.

Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.

Empty Skies  by green_feelings / @greenfeelings (134k)

For three years, Harry has been running from his past. Now, he is moving to London and pledges to fulfil his only dream – making it big in the music industry. Not everyone has a place, though, and the competition is tough. As is his past catching up on him.Louis is part of the biggest boy band of the world, and getting there had meant a lot of hard work, as well as sacrificing parts of his heart and soul. He’s still happy. Maybe not as happy as he could be, but who is he to complain?

Let's Fall in Love in a Place You Want to Stay by embro (134k)

A George of the Jungle / Tarzan AU where Louis is a model who meets Wild Man Harry in the Congo. He was raised by apes and barely speaks a word of English and turns Louis' life upside down.

Love Is A Rebellious Bird by 100percentsassy, Gloria_Andrews / @gloriaandrews (134k)

AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

Don't hum Bolero.

Wild Love bypurpledaisy / @harrydaisy (130k)

“Good,” Julia says, clearly pleased to have them both uncomfortable and unable to look at each other. “Now, I only have one more question before you can go. What are you planning to do when this experiment ruins your friendship?”

“We said we’d stay friends no matter what,” Harry says smoothly, his chin lifting in defense.

“That was our one thing going into it,” Louis agrees. “Stay friends no matter what.”

Julia raises a perfectly manicured brow, “That’s all fine and good. But I hope you realize your emotions aren’t going to realize this is an experiment in the end. If one of you falls for the other and finds out those feelings are not reciprocated, you’re not going to be able to laugh it off as a social experiment. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do this, I’m just hoping you’ve considered all of the possible outcomes.”

- AU: Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It’s supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

After All These Years byLifeInAColorWheel (127k)

It’s been seven years since One Direction went on hiatus and it’s been eight years since Louis and Harry broke up. They’ve been strangers to one another since then.

But, over the course of a weeklong boys’ trip, history between Harry and Louis resurfaces.

Or,

The one when Louis and Harry don’t talk, connect again years later, and reflect on why their love collapsed.

Wild and Unruly by 100percentsassy, Gloria_Andrews / @gloriaandrews (123k)

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

I'll Fly Away by juliusschmidt / @juliusschmidt (122k)

Harry and Louis grew up together in Lake County, Harry with his mom and stepdad in a tiny cottage on Edward’s Lake and Louis in his family’s farmhouse a few minutes down the road. But after high school, Louis stuck around and Harry did not; Harry went to Chicago where he found a boyfriend and couple of college degrees. Six years later, Harry ends up back in Edwardsville for the summer and he and Louis fall into old patterns and discover new ones.

ft. One Direction, the local boyband; Horan’s Bar and Grill; families, most especially children and babies; Officer Liam Payne; many local festivals and fireworks displays; and Anne Cox, PFLAG President.

Bitter Tangerine by purpledaisy / @daisyharry (119k)

Maybe it’s Niall, he reasons to calm his storming heart. Maybe he’s not actually gone for the holidays yet, maybe Harry got the dates confused. Slowly, he holds his breath and pushes the kitchen door open. The first thing he sees make him jump, a wooden spoon held out like a sword. Once his brain processes the sight in front of him, it’s less the sword that gets him than who is attached to the wooden spoon.

“Harry,” the swordsmen speaks before Harry can, his voice low and steady though confusion laces each word.

Harry’s breath catches. Every string around his heart, all the protection he spent nine months building, rips out and tears open all at once as he says, “Hi Louis.”

-

AU: Nine months after they break up, a twist of fate brings Harry and Louis back together at Christmas.

Never Be by cherrystreet / @cherrystreet (117k)

Monica: You've got to see her again.Ross: And why do you care so much?Monica: Because! You could get to live out my fantasy!Ross: You had fantasies about Emily?Monica: No! Y’know, the fantasy! Meet someone from a strange land, fall madly in love, and spend the rest of your lives together.  

The one where Harry Styles moves to Connecticut from England for nine months as a part of a study abroad program, and he just so happens to move in with Louis Tomlinson and family.

Burn to Ash by bethaboo (116k)

Harry is sitting there, so fucking casual, and Louis realizes in a split second he was not ready. When Harry walked out in Detroit and never looked back, he was a boy verging on a man, still only twenty years old, but there's a man in his place now. Hard and resolute, yes, but still, for the first time in a long time, Louis can kind of see the old Harry in him. The soft, directness of his gaze, the hesitant smile he gives to Lou, the way he wrings his ridiculously large hands in his lap.

He's a little bit the eager sixteen year old puppy dog again, his innocence and sweetness resurrected miraculously, and Louis freezes in place. He was prepared to face the asshole Harry. He was prepared to meet a whole new Harry.

Louis is not prepared to meet one of the old incarnations of Harry, and it absolutely tears him up.

Or the fic where Harry spirals out of control, the band breaks up, and then he shows back up, five years later.

Mine Would Be You by crinkle-eyed-boo / @crinkle-eyed-boo (114k)

Louis blinks his eyes open, his eyelids fluttering as the room swims around him. He takes several gulps of beer once he confirms that he’s definitely not hallucinating, that the very first portrait Harry Styles ever painted of him is hanging on that wall.

Louis stares at the wall, his heart jackrabbiting in his chest as he realizes that there’s not just one painting of him, there’s five, the portraits lined up like they’re some sort of storyboard depicting the rise and fall of his deepest love. His greatest heartache. A pain that cut him so deep that he left the fucking country, severing all ties with his life in New York, now suddenly surrounding him as if he’d never left.

Fucking shit motherfucker fuck.

Louis returns to New York City five years after he left it – and the love of his life – behind. He didn’t intend to see Harry again, but fate has a funny way of pulling them together, whether they like it or not. After making a begrudging truce, they both start to wonder: Would it be so bad if history repeated itself?

Tired Tired Sea by mediawhore / @mediawhorefics (113k)

As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

Babydoll Blues by devilinmybrain / @thedevilinmybrain (111k)

Louis is a high profile, filthy rich label executive who has the world at his feet - a music god.. Harry is the sugar baby trying to make a name for himself singing in shady bars and hanging off the arm of Louis' biggest rival. What Louis wants, Louis gets. But what if the game gets too hot and hits a little too close to the heart?

Carnation, Lily, Lily, Rose by certainsadness (103k)

“There’s something so great about watching you interact with art,” Harry said quietly. “Like, when you were giving the tour, you were just so you, and so happy and excited and funny and engrossing. But then when you’re looking at the art, when it’s, like, just for you, you get so quiet and observant.” He pressed a kiss to Louis’s shoulder. “But you still seem so you, and so happy. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you as happy as you’ve been tonight.” He kissed his shoulder again. “As you are right now.” A shiver went up Louis’s back. “I’m happy when I’m with you,” he said.

Or, Louis loved art and Harry was a masterpiece.

Emperor's New Clothes by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships (92K)

The fact that Louis’s most precious belonging was a cat with a face like thunder and an uncanny ability to cover every single inch of Louis’s clothing with cat hair was something that Louis chose not to think about too much.

or: Harry’s a pop star and Louis isn’t, and there’s a non-disclosure agreement where there used to be a relationship.

Behavioural Ecology by turtlekz / @turtlekz (81k)

Louis Tomlinson is a primatologist working with the Jane Goodall Institute for primate conservation; and Harry Styles is the photojournalist sent from National Geographic to write a piece promoting awareness about the endangered species. They meet, and love is never, ever simple, as we know.

Featuring Eli the chimpanzee, bickering humans, storytelling, and five men who come to gain an understanding of what it means to be human; all stationed in the Republic of the Congo.

Do Not Go Gentle by afirethatcannotdie / @afirethatcannotdie (70k)

“This is all a game to you, isn’t it? Well, it’s not for me. This is a real life or death situation,” Louis says, spitting the words at him. “And I just don’t think you’re cut out for it.”

For a moment, they stare at each other in complete silence. Harry can feel his blood thrumming between his ears, can see Louis glaring at him, feels red-hot anger. And then all he feels, oppressively and desperately, is lust.

Suddenly Louis is surging up to him to press his lips against Harry’s. Harry walks the two of them backwards, pressing Louis back against the door. Louis oomphs in surprise and brings his hands under Harry’s scrub top, scratching at his lower back.

“Lock — oh — lock the… fucking door,” Louis mutters.

When Harry Styles starts his first day as a surgical intern, he expects a lot of things: to treat patients, to observe a surgery, to feel a bit overwhelmed. What he definitely doesn't expect, however, is that the handsome guy he kicked out of his bed this morning is also an intern.

A Grey’s Anatomy AU where tensions are high, Harry and Louis are hooking up in secret, and no one has time for love. Or do they?

To the Ends of the Earth by stylinsoncity / @aliensingucci (68k)

During a yearlong hiatus, Louis visits Harry at his cabin in Idaho, where long-buried feelings ignite like the fire keeping them warm.

A Yuzu Grows in Brooklyn by stylinsoncity / @aliensingucci (66k)

Harry is a recent implant in new york and a young chef opening a restaurant called yuzu. louis, a music teacher and broadway lover, has been around the block for a while. in a city that's so fast-paced, they're slow to catch on to each other.

The Dark and the Dentist by sunshiner / @theprizeofcoolness (66k)

“I know this song,” Louis whispers, and Harry has to lean his ear toward him to pick up what he’s saying. “It was written for people to dance to it. We should be dancing.” We can’t, Harry almost spits, but it’d be stupid of him. Louis knows they can’t. Even if he looks like any regular Parisian in their twenties, and Harry looks like any hipster Parisian in their twenties, they can’t anyway. To be fair, they probably wouldn’t do it even if they were out. But if they were two uni students, both in Paris for an exchange, meeting over fallen books at the library, or because of mutual friends, or watching Monet’s Water Lilies? “How would we dance?” Harry murmurs, mouth almost pressed to Louis’ cheek, so close he can feel his warmth. What a picture they must make, two millionaires freezing in a park and dreaming of a different life.

An account of the events of November 2014. Canon-compliant.

Time Passed by coffinofachimera (66k)

Louis struggles with their relationship as Harry grows into his identity.

Outwit, Outplay, Outlast by dancesongsoul, lookatyourchoices (60k)

“Tommo and Harry are gonna do it. I don’t know when, but they’re gonna do it. They’ve got the mattress, the pillows, everything’s in place, and they’re gonna do it. I really wish those two the best of luck.” –Taylor Swift, "Chapera"

Or a Survivor All-Stars AU in which Harry and Louis are just in this game to win the million dollars, but they end up with something better.

Featuring Harry's yellow swim shorts, Louis in snapbacks, and OT5 shenanigans.

No One Does It Better by nodibs (49k)

Harry’s an alcoholic and Louis is a bartender. The first time they meet isn’t the first time they’ve met.

Sail Away With Me by star_henderson / @star-henderson (47k)

“It’s inhumane putting four blokes in one cabin.” Louis stripped off and climbed up into his top bunk. “And why did we get the smelliest twat on the whole ship and bore of the century?”

Harry shrugged. “We clearly pissed someone off along the way.”

Louis snorted softly. “Who do I have to bend over for to get us an upgrade?”

Harry barked out a laugh. “If only it were that simple.” He rolled his eyes wistfully at Louis.

“The only way I’m going to get a two berth is to throw Payno overboard and be next in line for the deputy cruise director's job.” Louis leaned up on one elbow to look over at Harry. “Would you help me weigh his body down so I don’t go to jail?”

“Only If I can share your cabin.” Harry shuffled about, tucking the duvet between his legs, sweeping his hair up into a bun and securing it in a band. “I’m not being an accessory to murder and then still having to share with them two, no fucking way.”

Or

Louis and Harry are part of the entertainment team on board a luxury cruise liner. They hate sharing their four berth cabin with two other guys and would do anything to get a cabin of their own. One drunken night the solution was simple. They'd just get married...

Be My Little Good Luck Charm by 100percentsassy (34k)

In which Harry is a promising amateur golfer making his debut at the PGA Championship, and Louis is a Sky Sports anchor who would really rather be commentating on footie.

The other boys are around too: caddy!Niall provides victory pints, Liam is Louis's Very Serious co-anchor, and poor Zayn just gets his face drawn on.

Have You Coming Back Again by whoknows (31k)

It’s five o’clock in the morning. Louis has a lecture at half eight. He could be using this time to study or to do his readings or to go to the gym, but - well. He doesn’t have any exams coming up, he’s not going to his seminar today anyway and he hates the gym.

Instead he’s using this time to fuck with Harry Styles’ poor little brain.

Louis jogs across the street and jabs the key into the car door. It opens easily, not that he was expecting anything else. He copied the key for a reason, after all.

He’s got Harry’s schedule memorized, more because the guy keeps following him around than anything, so he doesn’t bother looking around before climbing behind the wheel and setting his bag on the passenger seat. It’s a Monday, which means that Harry doesn’t even get out of bed before noon unless he’s planning on harassing Louis.

Loved By Your Mother by superglass / @gaymoustache (31k)

Harry stretches out like Venus with her lover, growing sleepy in the late afternoon light with a baby growing inside her. Perhaps not literally, not physically. Not exactly.

or

Harry struggles to come to terms with wanting to have children, and what that means for their relationship. Canon compliant, set a few years into the future