#I JUST WANT TO FUCKING PLAY MY GAME PLEASE

[overtrred28]

Stargirl | matildas x original character fic [part nineteen]

Words; 3.2k

Pairings; matildas team x astrid taylor (OC)

Warnings; mentions of death (parental), mentions of car accident, mention of drink driving, mention of panic attack, swearing

A/N; I wrote the idea for the second half of the chapter like 6 months ago and this is the timing I planned before writing the first half, so I' m sorry for the emotional whiplash this chapter is about to cause you. Please read with caution if you think any part of this may trigger you and be safe. Enjoy my loves 🫶

masterlist

Astrid had gotten into bed approximately two hours ago after finishing their team dinner, deciding to call it and all head up to bed. When she entered the room she was exhausted from the game and celebrating their win, but dragged herself into the bathroom for her night routine before finally flopping into bed.

But as soon as her head hit the pillow her eyes were wide open. She was so tired physically, but her mind was up and busy. No matter how hard she tried, after the first thirty minutes she gave in and decided to let it run. Thoughts began racing through her about tonight's game, seeing her family again, how she felt when Kyra hugged her after her goal and eventually she ended up back at New Years Eve.

Astrid might have been quite drunk that night, but there wasn’t a single second she couldn’t recall, especially their kiss. That kiss played in the back of her mind every time she looked at Kyra, no matter how hard she tried to push it back. Often lying awake at night after club training because of how many times they had caught one another staring before looking away as if they hadn’t been. 

She still wondered if Kyra remembered the kiss or not, never daring to ask her in the case of embarrassing herself because Kyra had no clue or didn’t want to remember it. Her feelings towards Kyra were so confusing for her brain; she was her best friend, just like Charli or Courtney. But she couldn’t deny the way her fingers tingle when Kyra laces them with her own, or the blush that begins to spread across her cheeks when Kyra compliments her. 

The thoughts continued to spiral as she laid there in the darkness. She couldn’t go on like this. So with a frustrated groan, she sat up and grabbed her phone, turning on the bedside lamp and opening Kyra’s messages. 

Starry ⭐

are you awake?

Ky ky 🪁

no 

Starry ⭐

fuck off

Ky Ky 🪁

whats up? u ok?

Starry ⭐

…

Astrid kept writing something but deleting it, unsure of what to actually say now that she had gotten Kyra’s attention. 

Kyra sat in her room a couple doors down, a similar positioning to Astrid but nervously watching as the dreaded three dots kept appearing then disappearing. So without hesitation she threw the covers off, slid on her shoes and quietly slipped from her room, making her way down the hall. 

Tap tap tap

Astrid’s head whipped up at the noise, not expecting someone to be at her door at 1:34am, dropping her phone with another half finished text and scurrying to the door. Two seconds of looking through the peephole and her door was swinging open and she had her grip on Kyra’s arm instantly. 

“The hell are you doing?” Astrid sighed as she dragged Kyra in, checking the empty hallway before shutting her door quietly. 

“Can’t sleep either?” Kyra asks as she sits down on the edge of the bed, Astrid now standing in front of her, walking softly back and forth.

“No. Thinking too much.” Astrid mumbles the end, avoiding eye contact with Kyra as she paces. 

“About what?” Kyra’s been thinking about that night just as much, wondering what it means or could mean. Astrid slows her pacing, stopping silently in front of Kyra, looking to the floor as she thinks of how to word it.

“Do you remember?” Asks timidly, looking up at the midfielder, trying to read her expression.

“Remember what?” Kyra tries to hide her smirk as she teases Astrid. 

“Don’t fuck with me okay.” Astrid is clearly stressed out of this, the biting of her nails increasing over the past two months, especially right now. Kyra is quiet for a moment.

“Every day.” It’s quick and quiet, Astrid barely hears the two words, eyes widening as she processes it. Kyra looks up with a small smile.

“Every day?” Astrid looks at Kyra with hope in her eyes, heart racing with anticipation.  

“I’ve thought about it every second since.” Kyra now mumbles, standing up to meet Astrid, stepping close to her. 

“Good.” Astrid smirked as she held Kyra’s hands in hers, both meeting each other's eyes. 

Time almost stopped as they stood there, almost slow motion as their heads moved closer together. Kyra finally took the reins and closed the gap, moving her hands to Astrid’s waist and pulling her closer. Astrid melted into the kiss, hands travelling up to hold Kyra’s face and keep the kiss going. 

It lasted longer than their first, but it was more meaningful as they stood in Astrid’s hotel room, holding onto each other as if they were afraid to let go. They broke apart when they needed air, pushing their foreheads together as they took time to breathe. It wasn’t long before Astrid’s brain began running again. 

“Kyra…” She paused, lifting her head to look at her. “What does this mean?” Worried about losing their friendship as if that could ever happen.

“I don’t know. Whatever we want?” Kyra suggests, causing them both to giggle. 

“Go back to your room idiot.” Astrid gently pushed Kyra’s shoulder with a smile. “I might actually be able to sleep now.” She laughed and Kyra raised a brow. 

“Was it that boring huh?” Kyra snickered, folding her arms over her chest. 

“I mean… it wasn’t the worst kiss I’ve had.” Astrid smirked, stepping closer. “I guess you might just have to try again, see if it’s any better.” She cocked her head to the side, expecting Kyra to come closer again. 

“Sorry,” Kyra stepped back to the door, fake yawning with a stretch. “Too tired.” She blew Astrid a kiss as she shut the door quietly, leaving Astrid shaking her head with smile and a blush on her cheeks. Safe to say she had no trouble falling asleep when her head hit the pillow this time. 

Over the next few days at camp, Astrid and Kyra seemed back to how they were before the new years kiss, practically attached at the hip and annoying their other teammates. But even with all their playing around, their minds were focused on preparing for the Spain game that was now tomorrow.  

The bus pulled up to the CommBank Stadium for their final day of training and it was like Astrid had an instant mood change, switching into focus mode as she remembered the last time up against the Spanish side. 

Astrid was determined to not let what happened last time happen again, especially now they had their full team and she personally had more experience in the Matildas squad. 

All the other girls noticed her mood change that always appeared at their final training session before a match, minimising her laughter and childlike actions and replacing them with quiet, focused actions and determination. Even separating herself from Kyra, Charli or Courtney to pair up with a new partner, today that being Clare Hunt. 

Astrid was still quiet when working with Clare for those few minutes, focusing more on her footwork being precise rather than the topics of conversation floating around them. Clare tried a few times to loosen her up, but nothing could get through to her. Her mind was set on improving any more than she could and preventing what happened last year in Spain. 

It was in the practice matches that her determination and focus was evident to everyone watching, her feet were fast, her passes clean as ever and even slotted 5 goals past Macca from various positions.

“Nice work today, Chicken.” Steph had run up behind Astrid who was the last to leave the pitch, pulling an arm around her shoulder and walking in step with her. “Clearly ready to smash Spain huh?” Steph chuckled, rubbing her hand over Astrid’s arm.

“Thanks. Don’t want a repeat of last year.” Astrid mumbled the end and Steph could sense she was still in her head. 

“Well I think that’s out of the question considering how we looked today, as a team.” Steph emphasised the word team, knowing Astrid sometimes needed a reminder that not everything was up to her. 

“Yeah. Thanks Stephy.” Astrid pulled an arm around the older girl's waist as they continued walking back to the changeroom, letting go once she spotted Kyra, sitting next to her while untying her boots. 

“Sit with me on the bus?” Kyra asked as she bumped Astrid’s shoulder, causing her to look up from her boots. 

“Of course.” Astrid smiled back, Kyra nodded and continued to pack everything up, waiting for Astrid to finish up and walk out together. They were the last on the bus meaning the seats up the front but they didn’t mind. Normally they would be singing out and dancing in their seats, bothering everyone else. But today they sat in silence, sitting next to each other with separate playlists and enjoying one another's company. 

After a few minutes Astrid kept her gaze away, slowly moving her hand, inching it closer to the gap between them and where Kyra’s hand rested, the brunette distractedly looking out the window. Her attention was called back when she felt that familiar tingle as Astrid’s fingers began to slowly intertwine with her own. 

She felt blush rise to her freckled cheeks as their fingers meddled, discreetly readjusting to comfortably lock their hands together, all while keeping her gaze out the window and upon the landscape outside. 

After returning to the hotel, the girls took to their individual rooms and showered before preparing for their pre match ritual pasta night, changing into comfy clothes before heading down to the dining room. 

Astrid was finishing up her dinner when her phone rang. She didn’t recognise the number appearing on the screen, preparing to ignore it but a part of her knew to answer it. She quickly excused herself from the dining room, stepping into an empty hallway, Steph watching her closely as she left. 

“Hello?” She spoke as she answered it. 

“Is this Astrid Taylor?” The woman’s voice sounded serious in tone. 

“Yes it is. Who is this?” Astrid leant partially on the wall, awaiting her answer.  

“My name is Kate Smith from the New South Wales police force.” Kate spoke and Astrid immediately froze, standing up straighter from the wall. “I am calling to inform you that your parents, Mark and Joanna Taylor were involved in an accident.” Astrid's heart dropped to her stomach. 

“What?” Her voice was small and shaky. 

“A drunk driver collided with their car whilst driving tonight.” Kate paused. “They both sustained serious injuries in the collision and the paramedics were unable to save them by the time they reached the scene. I am very sorry for your loss-” 

The voice grew quiet as the phone fell from Astrid’s hand, Kate still talking but all noises faded into the background as Astrid froze. In a matter of seconds her life stopped. 

She was in shock, unable to move as a tear fell silently down her face. She stood in the empty hallway as the voice filtered through her phone but Astrid couldn’t hear a single thing. Eventually Kate hung up after not hearing any response from Astrid and she was left in the silence.

Steph began to grow worried at her younger teammates' disappearance, getting up from the table and walking out to where Astrid had gone minutes ago. Her brows furrowed as she couldn’t hear her speaking to someone on a phone. Her head went around the corner first, spotting Astrid very still, staring blankly down the hallway, tears falling down her face and phone flat on the floor. She immediately rushed over and as the older girl came closer, Astrid fell back into consciousness. 

“Hey, hey. What happened?!” Steph held Astrid’s face in her hands, searching her eyes with a worried look on her own face. Astrid took a shuddered breath in as she stared at Steph, more tears falling rapidly now. 

“M-my parents-” She whispered once she found her voice, pausing to let more air into her lungs.  

“What?” Steph softly urged for her to continue, worry and panic beginning to set in.

“There was an accident.” Her lip quivered as she spoke. “They’re gone.” Astrid finally spat it out, a loud sob escaping her chest as her knees buckled and she fell to the floor, Steph going down with her. Steph didn’t know what to say, only being able to bring Astrid closely into her chest as she finally broke down. Her chest heaved as she sobbed into Steph’s chest, gripping her shirt tightly. 

“Shhhh, shhhhh. I got you, I got you.” Steph smooths Astrid’s hair, holding her tightly as her own heart broke, silent tears falling down her face as she attempts to sooth the young girl. She just let her cry and cry and cry, staying silent as she held Astrid. 

She felt so much in the span of such little time. She was sad, heartbroken, angry and lost. Astrid didn’t know what to do, her parents were gone. She was with them celebrating at her home stadium just three days ago and now they were gone. She couldn’t even think, her mind was blank as she sat there in Steph’s arms.

Her breathing went back to normal and sobs subsided, easing her grip on Steph but staying pressed to her chest and listening to her heartbeat to calm her. 

“I’m so sorry.” Steph whispered, pressing a kiss to Astrid’s head who screwed her eyes shut and fresh tears fell down her face. “Come with me puddin’.” Steph spoke after another moment of silence, wanting to get them both to a quiet place away from the team next door. Astrid nodded once and let go of the older girl’s hoodie, slowly getting up from the floor with Steph’s help, still holding onto her close. 

“Kyra.” Astrid mumbled softly while sniffling, Steph leaning closer to hear her.

“Hey, chicken?” Steph asked softly, brushing the stray hairs from Astrid’s face. 

“Kyra, please.” She whispered again as she wiped her tears. 

“I’ll text her to come up okay?” Steph picked up Astrid’s forgotten phone from the ground and placed it in her pocket with her own, guiding Astrid towards the lifts and pressing the button for their team floor. Steph quickly shot Kyra a text, telling her to get up to Astrid’s room now. 

Steph walked them inside the room and sat against the headboard of Astrid’s bed, guiding the lost girl to lay her head across her lap. Astrid held onto Steph’s legs, the older girl ran her fingers softly through her loose hair as they waited for Kyra. 

A soft knock sounded, Steph slowly moving Astrid off her lap so she could open the door. Astrid laid frozen on the bed, falling back into shock as it began to process in her mind.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Kyra panicked when she saw Steph’s tearful eyes, panting slightly from running to the room. The older girl didn’t speak before stepping out of the room, taking herself and Kyra into the hallway.

“Her parents were in an accident. Drunk driver.” The words left Steph’s lips and Kyra’s heart sunk.

“Are they okay? Did they get hurt?” Kyra hurriedly asked but as soon as she took in Steph’s expression she knew. “No.” Her voice was barely above whisper at the realisation. 

“She needs you.” Steph looked her in the eyes, Kyra nodding in understanding. She walked through the door and her heart broke even more seeing Astrid curled up on the bed facing away from her. Kyra silently slipped off her shoes before walking over to the bed, slowly laying down beside Astrid. 

Astrid felt the bed dip and a body behind her, arms wrapping around her and she could tell who it was, letting her body naturally fall back into the other. 

“I got you.” Kyra whispered, bringing her hand up to Astrid hair and running her fingers through it. Those three words brought all the feelings back to Astrid and she allowed herself to break down again, Kyra holding her tightly as she cried in her arms. 

Steph stood in the doorway watching the pair, noting how easily they slipped into the comfort of one another and how quickly Astrid could be calmed by the sounds of Kyra’s soft voice. In all honesty, Steph had never seen the pair so quiet when with one another; despite the current situation. 

They eventually rolled over and Astrid laid her head against Kyra’s chest, falling asleep to the sound of her heartbeat. Steph had left the room when Astrid was finally asleep, going to find Tony and let him know. Safe to say the man was heartbroken for his youngest player, but ready to support her however he could. 

Astrid woke up a bit later, still laying against Kyra’s chest as the soft strokes to her hair brought her back to reality. The room was silent bar their soft breaths. For the first few seconds she didn’t remember what had happened but it all quickly came rushing back.

“I should tell the girls.” Her words were soft and slightly startled Kyra who thought Astrid was still asleep. 

“You don’t have to do anything.” Kyra continued to brush her fingers through her hair, looking down at her best friend who was now staring blankly at the wall next to them.

“I want to. They’re as much my family as…” She trailed off, her eyes glossing over once again, finally looking up at Kyra. Kyra moved her hands to hold Astrid’s face, thumb swiping gently over the tears that began to fall. 

“I’m so sorry Star.” Kyra bit her lip as she met Astrid’s teary eyes, trying not to break in front of her. “What can I do for you?” Astrid shook her head. 

“I don’t even know what to do.” Astrid turned to look out the window, taking a breath in, closing her eyes and letting the breath go. Without another word Astrid got up off her bed, Kyra moving seconds behind her. 

No one expected to see Astrid after hearing news that something personal had happened, but neither Tony or Steph explained what, all thinking she would go home and have time with her family. So when they saw her walk into the common room with a blank expression on her red, tear stained face, it’s safe to say they were all shocked.

Astrid stood in the middle of the room, a large hoodie placed over her body despite the warm weather outside, holding the sleeves over her hands that played nervously with one another. Kyra stood behind her but slightly further back, giving her some space. 

“My parents… we’re in an accident.” She spoke softly into the quiet room, a few small gasps were heard, some girls were ready to ask questions but Astrid spoke again. “They couldn’t save them.” She let out a shaky breath and another tear fell as her heart shattered again by saying the words. 

They didn’t know whether to hug her or whether she needed time and space. But when they saw her eyes searching their faces, they knew. It was Cortnee who stood up first, walking over slowly in case that wasn’t what she wanted. But locking eyes with Cortnee and seeing more tears rising to her eyes again, they knew what she needed. 

One by one, the girls stood and found her in the middle of the room, piling in on top of one another and holding onto her, giving her all the love a family could provide in this time, because that’s what they were; family. 

to be continued...

[idontplaytrack]

Prompt idea- Regina tells everyone at the party she is in love with Janis when she is drunk and she publicly apologizes to Janis but she is with Aaron and he is a dick about it. Janis defends Regina.

The One That Got Away

Regina George x Aaron Samuels(ft. Janis + Damian, Gretchen and Karen)

Warnings: alcohol consumption, coarse language, angst

Regina drunkenly admits that Janis is the one that got away. Aaron’s not happy about it

They were all gathered at Regina’s for a hangout, after having not seen each other in weeks, some haven’t seen each other in months. College was great, but also incredibly busy. Now that the whole gang was on spring break, well, they could all finally take a break.

Regina was already tipsy when the rest of the bunch started to arrive, and were subsequently met with a very stressed out Aaron. “Dear Lord, you didn’t want to wait for us before you got started?” Damian grumbled.

“My house. My rules.” Regina laughs. Damian squints at her, then at Aaron, “Man, good luck dealing with that tonight.”

“You guys will be here awhile.” He lets out a laugh, “So…I won’t have to worry about that for a few hours.”

The bunch started off their night with card games, then board games, then puzzles. All of them gradually started losing focus from the games and started getting absolutely wasted. The puzzle pieces were soon abandoned, and chatter filled the spacious room.

“Guys, remember when I made fun of Janis?” Regina asks aloud, causing all of them to just collectively fall silent.

“Babe, what— I don’t think you should be bringing that up right now.” Aaron chimed in.

“Why not?” The blonde asks, “I want…to apologise.”

“Regina.” Aaron sighs, fighting back an eye-roll. Janis notices that immediately, glaring at him very not-subtly. “No, let her talk.” Janis spoke up, “Why shouldn’t she bring that up? She has a good reason to.”

“It’s old news.”

“Well, it happened. And not to you, so I think you should shut the fuck up and—”

Regina cracked a smile hearing the profanity, Gretchen and Karen looked at them, worried. Damian was simply enjoying the building chaos but also— worried a little about Janis spiralling afterwards. Gretchen quietly took away Janis' bottle of beer, and thankfully she didn't notice. "It was a fucked up thing to do, regardless of the reason why. I never should've done that, I never should've made things hell for you and lost you as a friend as a result. It sucked, having to figure out who I was while I envied you being so unapologetically yourself. Pushing you away the way I did was no help to either of us. I wish we could turn back the clock and I would've never done any of that. Things would've been so different. You truly are the one that got away. I'm sorry, Janis."

"Seems very sober of her to me." Damian remarked.

"She's drunk off her ass." Aaron scoffs.

Janis huffs, "And what? That doesn't mean she can't speak. 'A drunk mind speaks a sober heart.'"

"Whatever, I'm out. Good night."

"Don't need you here if you're gonna be a dick about an apology to someone I care about, Aaron. Scram." Regina added on. With that, he got up from the floor and left slamming the front door.

Janis pondered over the girl's words before saying, "Thanks for holding yourself accountable. I'm sorry for lighting your backpack on fire. I just felt so betrayed having the person closest to me at that point in my life make fun of me with the whole school. I had no one for a long time, even though I had Damian. i did not like that change...I missed us. Our friendship, what we used to do, how much time we used to spend playing and laughing together. All of that— gone."

"Please, that backpack was ugly." Regina laughs, "Actually I should be thanking you for lighting that tacky backpack on fire."

Janis sighs, then chuckles.

"We're good?"

"We're good." Janis confirms. Regina opened up her arms, approaching the brunette. Janis, though taken aback, still stood up and accepted the long awaited hug. "Thank you for hearing me out, Jay."

"It's what we should have done in the first place. We're moving on to a new chapter of our lives soon...I'm just glad that one's finally closed." Janis swallows her tears, "Maybe you should go look for Aaron—"

"I'll talk to him in the morning. He was being a fucking dick about this whole thing, he can wait. I'm just glad I have you back in my life without all the tension."

Janis allowed herself to smile, though hiding it— poorly. Regina nudged her playfully, "Sit down. Gretchen took your drink."

Janis sulked as she plopped back down into her spot on the floor, "Gretch. My drink."

"I don't think you should drink anymore tonight, Janis." Gretchen frowns, studying her face carefully.

"I'm fine, this is worth a drink, right?" Janis looks at her.

"I guess?" Gretchen squints, shrugging, "Alright, here you go. Slow down."

Janis grins, reaching out to grab her half-empty bottle of Kona beer. "Thanks."

Gretchen couldn't help but smile seeing Janis being so...smiley. "Cheers."

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

[chaniceroses]

Bad Boys Ride or Die (Armando x Reader) PART SEVEN

The sun is barely out now while the darkness is slowly covering the sky. You’re seeing shadows within the woods, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. It’s getting cold and you’re probably about a mile away from where Mike, Marcus and Armando were. You’re starting to regret walking away from them but what else were you supposed to do. Sit around and let McGrath find you since that’s what he’s been doing.

So you kept walking until you heard a soft sound of wood snapping which made you turn around. You couldn’t really see so you just stared into the abyss. Someone was most definitely there, the thought of it maybe being McGrath crossed your mind.

“Reveal yourself, I don’t have time for the games.”, you sighed trying to see past the trees. At this point the sun was completely gone and the moon was shining. Allowing you to see a tall dark figure move from behind the tree. You watched as the person started taking small steps towards you, it was Armando. Turning back around, you started to walk again when you noticed that the sound of branches and leaves started happening rapidly. He was running towards you so you started running too. Now we can play his games. You ran as fast as you could to get away from him, making random turns to confuse him. 

“Y/n! Stop!”He screamed while chasing you but you kept running. You tried picking up speed but were too tired so you stopped.

“Armando, have you been following me the whole fucking time.”, you asked,looking at him as he is also out of breath while walking up to you. You knew he was but wanted to play dumb, it was better that way.

“Y/n,you’re a smart girl, you knew that I was.”, he responded back pointing at you. You didn’t like how easy he could read you. How he knows you so well without really knowing you.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone man. I don’t need you.”, you knew that was a lie but it was better to say that then have Armando and the others involved in your mess when the whole purpose with us being out here is to prove Howard’s innocence.

He looked down at you, although you couldn’t entirely see his face, his eyes nearly glowed in the dark. “I don’t make promises at all because things always happen but you can trust me. Even if I don’t like you. I wouldn’t want my…a woman out here by herself. No matter what kind of “killer” I am.”, he explained, going off. He was mad and you could tell. His eyebrows were now caved in and you could tell that his breathing had picked up in speed.

You looked down and grabbed his hand and caressed his forearm. You weren’t sure whether to trust him or not, but you had no choice. You knew it would be a death sentence if you went to McGrath by yourself. You turned to look to the side and saw how you guys were overpowered by darkness, so you accepted your loss.

ARMANDO’S    POV

I watched as she looked around while rubbing my arm. Her hands were soft and her touch was making my friend smile. I could tell that she didn’t want to go back but honestly, she had no choice. I wouldn’t have allowed her to walk out here by herself, I would be a fool. 

“Come back with me, please.”, I begged. Me…Armando…Begging, this is new. 

She turned around and was now looking up at me. Her skin was as smooth as the night time, while her eyes twinkled. Damn, she’s sexy and the way she stares. I would love to see her staring at me from a different position.

“Focus.”, I whispered to myself. I watched as her facial expression changed from being worried to now being confused. Think of something.

“You..need to focus.”, I added, trying to come up with something. I watched as she shook her head in agreement.

“Well, show me the way.”, she replied, letting go of my arms and folding hers. I turned around and started heading towards  the direction that we came from. 

“Do you remember the way?”, she asked following behind me. Honestly, I didn’t but I also know that if Marcus and Mike did what they were supposed to do. We should be seeing a small fire from a distance.

“Yeah so come hold my hand so you won’t get lost.”, I commanded, handing my hand out behind me for her to grab. I was afraid that she would be hesitant to do so and for a second, all I could feel was air going in between my fingers. However once she connected her hands with mine, I could feel the warmth from our bodies connecting. It made me feel odd, a feeling I've never felt before. 

After a couple turns and a couple minutes of running, I spotted Marcus and Mike near the fire that I told them to make. We eventually met up with them and were greeted by the sounds of the woods. Not a single word was said. We both sat down, Y/n and I on one log and Marcus and Mike on the other. We could see each other clearly now due to the fire blooming out.

“So you’ve come back.”, Mike whispered looking at y/n across the fire. 

I watched as Marcus turned at Mike and whispered something to him. Y/n just stared. I wasn’t sure if she was looking at Mike or looking at the fire that was right in front of him. All I know is that she wasn’t here.

“Yeah, so what?”, she answered, still keeping her eyes at whatever she was looking at.

“What the hell is going on?!”Mike yelled, standing up while looking at every person.

“Calm down!”I yelled back. I didn’t like how he was talking to her. We all go through shit and lose people but he was attacking her for no reason.

“Seriously, this isn’t needed right now but Armando and y/n we do need answers.”, Marcus added, looking at Mike and then at y/n and I.

I turned to look at y/n, I didn’t know as much as they think I do. I wanted answers also and even personal questions to ask.

“Okay.”, she whispered looking up at Mike and then Marcus. “I say this one time and one time only with no disrespect added because I’ll be damned.”, she continued pointing at Mike and then at the log underneath him

  I watched as Mike sat down. I could tell she was sick of Mike shit because I was too. I watched as she moved her eyes to look off into the abyss within the woods, maybe trying to figure out what to say.

“My name is Y/N Smith. However, when I was undercover while working with the Cartel, I was known as Rose and was extremely close with everyone that did business within it. So I made sure that only the heads would know what I looked liked and that no one knew my real name. ”, she explained, looking at us. 

“You’re Rose…Rose Gonzalez? How did you keep your identity a secret for so long?”Mike asked, looking at her and then at me.

“Wait…you worked with my mom?”I asked, turning to look at her. At this point we were all searching for answers.  

“ I stayed hidden because I killed anyone who wasn't supposed to see me or would tell. So I guess you could say I have a lot of blood on my hands.”, she whispered, turning her hands around to look at her palms.

“I knew that you were undercover Mike because I had worked with you. We just had never met. Same with you, Armando.”, she answered, turning to look at me. I could see regret fill her eyes, what else was she holding back? “The operation that Mike was working on, blew up in my face at the wrong time. So I had to actually become a boss in order for my identity not to be revealed because they were killing their own people to figure out who was undercover.”

“I remember that happening…someone was talking to me on the phone while I did it.”, I replied, reminiscing about it. My mind started playing back to that night, I was on the phone with a woman and she was calling all of the shots and was paying me heavy money for it.

“So, that was you that night?”I asked, keeping my attention on her. I could tell she was becoming uncomfortable with talking about her past, maybe this is why she’s been all over the place.

“This is starting to make sense but…how does this correlate with you and McGrath and Howard? How did you know him?"Mike interrogated, scratching the back of his head.

“McGrath and I met when I was out with Armando’s mother. Although your mom, Armando, was way older than me, we became good friends due to the connections that I had within the Cartel. McGrath came up to me and introduced himself to me. At first I was afraid, thinking it could be a set up with how deep I had gotten to my role but after a while of seeing him, I became drawn towards him. That deep harsh voice that he has, kind of like yours Armando besides the accent, pulled me in.”, she explained, grabbing the rocks that were by her feet.

“So it was one of those falling in love bullshit.”, I scoffed, rubbing the back of my neck but blushing at the fact she mentioned my accent. I watched as she snapped her head to look at me really fast. I couldn’t help but to feel jealous inside but the pieces are connecting between her and McGrath.

“It wasn’t bullshit at the time. I was hooked, although I was young, very young. I was genuinely hooked.”

“I guess you can say she’s a"DILF ".”, Marcus laughed 

I wasn’t sure how to respond to his comment, I thought it was kind of disrespectful knowing what she’s been through. “So what happened for him to hate you.”, I asked, shifting my whole body towards her. I wanted to know every detail about their relationship, her past. I wanted her and I wanted to fill and complete her. Sexually and Spiritually.

“He proposed to me about a year and a half later. I was terrified because he never knew that I was undercover, and I didn’t want to get a random citizen involved. It was things within that nature that I had to think about…”

“Did you say yes?”Mike questioned moving away from Marcus to sit next to the log that was near y/n.

He was intrigued by her past, I could tell by the way he was leaning in towards her. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t too.

“I did, and I knew I was asking for a death sentence but I had no choice but to say yes.”, she replied, shaking her head. She didn't acknowledge anyone’s presence anymore, she was just talking and listening to the questions that were being asked.

“I was pregnant and I had told him, some may think he proposed to lock me down but I look at it as him genuinely loving me however, you never know with men…”

You’d know with me…

“Okay so this makes sense but still…with Howard death, and  McGrath hating you? You had to have done something.”Marcus interrogated standing up.

“I knew about you being an undercover Mike, I just never said anything because you would’ve been killed plus Howard told me so once your operation was a success with Armando’s mother being sent to prison, it became a death trap for everyone else who were still in hiding. Which is what had happened. I didn’t know that McGrath was a D.E.A Agent, I had no clue.”, she whispered.

At this point, I could tell that she was on the verge of tears. The jealousy that I once had in my body was now turning soft. I slightly moved my head to Marcus and Mike to see them looking at her with sympathy.

“I had called the heads and formed a meeting so that we could talk about Armando’s mom being sent to prison. At this point of time, I was passed being undercover, I was drawn in. I wanted her out so that’s when I called you, Armando, and formed a plan but while I was on the phone with you, the other Cartel members brought in McGrath, which left me so confused, which is why I had randomly hung up.”, she replied, getting up to pace back and forth.

“I thought…I thought maybe he followed me because from time to time I made it hard for him to see me ....so that he could be safe y’know.  I never knew that he was an undercover agent. He would talk to me about things that he would do and feed me fun facts that had honestly helped me with my operation, however it never got to me that he was being literal because he would always laugh. So when he and his team showed up, there was nothing that I could do. I couldn’t help because that would’ve gotten me killed so I sent them to one of the rooms for them to be dealt with.”, she cried, shaking her head back and forth.

I stood up, and grabbed her to embrace her with a hug. I wasn’t used to having sympathy for others but y/n was different and I didn’t care about the  stupid expression that was on Mike and Marcus faces. I just knew that she needed to be comforted and I was going to be the one to do that.

I lifted her chin so that she could look up at me. Her cheeks were wet from the tears that ran down it so I took off my orange prison shirt, exposing my entire upper body and wiped her face with it. I figured it would be the littlest things that counted.

“Are we…interrupting anything?”Marcus coughed, throwing his shoulders at Mike.

“Yeah…I’m wondering the same thing.”, Mike replied, looking at him.

I watched as Y/n grabbed my hand and stopped me from wiping her cheeks. Was she embarrassed that I was consoling her? 

“Thank you Armando but just stop. I don’t need sympathy, I just need you guys to listen, okay”, she sighed moving across the fireplace. I watched as she sat on the other side alone, so much for me trying to help.

“After I sent them into one of the rooms, I figured that they would be just beaten because I didn’t tell the others, who were allowed to be in the room with me, to kill them. But when I went to check to get information out of them, they were all dead except McGrath. Their heads were cut off and they kept McGrath alive to torture him.”, she continued, leaning her weight towards the back of the log.

“So that’s why he hates you, you chose yourself over love.”, I whispered, looking over at her. I saw as she looked over defeatedly. I wasn’t sure if that was a smart decision or a dumb one. She was young and alone, surrounded by Cartels, but that’s no excuse because  if that was me, I would’ve done something to save the person that I love. I guess we're two different people.

“He was so mad at me for my decision that it took me a while to get some information out of him, however, I eventually got it and allowed him to tell the Cartel about Mike’s operation and those who were involved so that they can let him go, which they did.”, she continued, shrugging her shoulders.

I could see that she was slowly starting to accept what had happened, which was good but I couldn’t help thinking about the decision that she made. Was it really worth it? I turned my attention to her stomach after realizing that she mentioned about her being pregnant. She must’ve been watching because she looked down also and touched her stomach.

“Yeah after he was free, and the Cartel started moving around. The word got out fast about how they were going to move and I knew that they were slowly growing suspicious about me so I went to my house off the coast to get my things to try to leave.”

“He was there wasn’t he.”, Marcus said looking at her.

“Yep, he was there and I didn’t know. I was on the phone with Howard to let him know where I was going and to tell my team to get me a new name ready with a fake background. He snuck up on me and shot me in the back twice.”, she replied standing up, while pulling her pants off her hips to reveal the two scars on her lower back. 

My heart sank, making me remember the promise that I told her earlier. I for sure was going to make sure that I keep it now.

“Yep, Howard heard it all and everything that McGrath was saying. McGrath took my phone and looked through all of my documents while i layed on the ground crying. I watched him leave at some point and I don’t know what happened after that, all I know is that I woke up in the hospital with heavy security and Howard. He was there the whole time for me while I mourned. Since then, I've been trying to figure out what to do, so that’s why Howard said what he said in the video.”

“And that being about McGrath?”Mike muttered, fidgeting his fingers. 

“Majority of it, yes. The rest is just personal, you know, starting a new peaceful life…getting married, having kids.”, she blushed looking at Marcus and then at Mike.

“She should be looking at me, I can give her that.”, I thought while watching her blush. Settling down has crossed my mind before, maybe I can do that with her. If she doesn’t continue to play hard to get. Decisions.

“Thanks for explaining everything to us, y/n. We appreciate that.”, Marcus smiled while nodding his head up and down.

“Yes…thank you and y/n, I’m sorry.”Mike apologized,  getting up and walking towards her. You watched as she got up and looked at him while he went up to her. Was she going to accept it? Or maybe make him get on his knees? Hell, I know I would for her.

“It’s okay, pull that shit again and you’re dead…”, she replied, looking at him as he threw his hand out for a handshake. I watched as he laughed and as she stared right into his eyes. She wasn’t kidding.

“I’m not joking, I will.”, she repeated this time, grabbing his hand and shaking it.

I could see Mike's face switch from laughing to serious within a second. I loved how serious of a person she is and the dominant personality follows after that. It made me want to be submissive, just for her and to make the thing between my legs cry.

I watched as she let go of Mike’s hand and started walking away.

“Where are you going?”I asked, standing up alarmingly. She said nothing, until she went and sat in front of a tree then leaned her head against it. I just watched, looking out into the thin air to be sure that no one was around her.

“What?”, she laughed, folding her arms while adjusting herself against the tree. She was tired and we were out in the woods with chilling temperatures so I knew it would be hard for her to get comfortable.

“Armando can we—”, before Mike could finish his sentence I got up and walked over to y/n. I couldn’t help it, I felt drawn towards her. The need to protect her and to make sure she was comfortable and safe. 

“What do you want Armando, I’m done talking.”, she sighed, removing her head from against the tree. I could tell that she was sleepy and that she was getting annoyed with the fact that I kept messing with her. Her eyebrows began to droop inward and she was looking up at me with her low eyes while her head was leaned all the way back. Perfect position but the wrong time.

“Don’t act like you’re annoyed with me, baby.”, I flirted squatting down to her level to be eye to eye with her. I watched as she covered her mouth while she smiled and then quickly frowned.

“No seriously, what is it?”

“Here, put this on.”, I demanded, handing her my shirt.

“What about you?”, she asked, pointing to my exposed body. Honestly, I was a little cold but I'd rather her wear it than me.

“I’m going to sleep next to the fire but first I'm going to talk to Mike unless you want me to keep you warm.”, I replied putting my shirt over her head, allowing her to put her arms through the sleeves.

“Goodnight, Armando…”, she smirked, leaning up to kiss me on my forehead and then laying back against the tree. The way she says my name, made me shy and bubbly on the inside. 

“Get a fucking room!”Mike yelled, antagonizing y/n and I while Marcus chuckled.

“Shut the hell up Mike!!!”, y/n and I yelled in unison which led to us laughing.

It felt good to hear laughter coming out of everyone’s mouths, especially knowing that in the next couple of hours. We will have to find help and eventually  kill McGrath. I playfully slapped y/n on her thigh and walked away. Mike called my name earlier so I knew that he was going to be up a little longer talking. I had been dreading this conversation with him, it’s my first time actually communicating and being around him.

I sat on the opposite side of the lit fire so I could watch y/n sleep. For the rest of the night, Mike, Marcus and I talked about Mike’s and I’s relationship and how we were going to help Howard and y/n. Truth be told, Howard wasn’t my priority anymore. Y/n was. I want her to live a life that she deserves, and I am going to make sure that she does, whether me or McGrath or the both of us dies in the process.

[rosietaeyongswife]

shameless | kim doyoung

AU: angst, fluff, drama, cheating au, readerxtaeyongxdoyoung SYNOPSIS: Marriage was supposed to be your dream. You were in love with Taeyong, until you came to realization that maybe he's not the one. Thankfuly, his best friends was there for you when you needed him the most. WC: 8k TW: cursing, cheating, mentions of sex AU: i do not support any kind of cheating. never. it's a pure fiction. yall i think i've improved my english lol one day i'll fix all my works because lmao yeah enjoy this pls:P

Marriage. How foolish of you to think it's going to be a dream come true. Well, everyone else stated that fact. According to them, marriage is one of the best stages of life. You've reached a certain point in life - perhaps an achievement. Too bad none of them said how much of a burden it can be.

Of course, the first few months were perfect. Dates, flowers, and affection. Isn't this what every woman craves? Kisses, gifts, and affirmations from your loved one. Those things blinded you. Only if you knew back then. Maybe then you would've left. It was your choice to ignore all the red flags. It's been a year, and it's a nightmare.

"Baby, can you do laundry?" You were running late, yet Taeyong does nothing. He could help you, at least. "I have to leave already. I showed you the other day how to do it. Will you do it for me, please?"

Taeyong was playing Call of Duty on the PS4 you've bought for him on his 27th birthday. He was focused on the game.

"Sure. I'll do it."

Without any other word, you left. Sometimes you'd like to smash that PlayStation into pieces. Taeyong does nothing around the house besides playing that damn thing.

It was a late call meeting with your work team. You couldn't focus on the words of your co-workers due to that weird gut feeling. Something deep down felt like something would go wrong. Ignoring this wasn't helping at all.

"Y/N, we want you to manage this project with Chaeyoung. Is that alright with you?" Your boss asked while you were drifting in your thoughts. "We believe your reviews and suggestions would make this successful on the market."

"Of course, I'll handle this."

"Thank you." He looked at the watch. "Okay, it's 9 p.m. We're done for today. I'm sorry we had to hold a meeting. It was a surprise to us too. You can go all home now."

Everyone left in a hurry, and so did you. The weather got worse, and it was raining. You couldn't get cold, so you called your husband. Silence. Again silence. He didn't pick up your calls. All you could do was run and pray that a bus would arrive.

"I called."

"Sorry, baby. I was too busy with the game. Look, I ranked up."

"That's amazing, but it's pouring outside, and I had to walk there by myself." You rolled your eyes at your husband's ignorance. "I'm fuckin tired. I just want to take a shower and go to sleep. Have you done the laundry like I asked you to?"

"Yes. It wasn't that hard." He laughed and turned the PS4 off. "I'm heading to sleep. Waiting for you in the bedroom."

At least he did what you had asked for. Walking in the bathroom was hopeful for you. Little did you know how much anger it would bring you.

"Taeyong! What the fuck have you done?!" Your husband was quick to run back to you. He was looking at you confusedly. "How could you ruin my white shirt for tomorrow? Why would you put red socks together with white laundry?"

"My bad. I'm sorry, honey." He looked at you with his doe eyes. "I didn't notice, sorry once again. I'll give you money to buy a new one."

"Sorry? You're sorry?" You scoffed. "I needed that shirt for work tomorrow. It's past 10p.m, what am I supposed to do? I asked you for one thing, and you managed to fuck it up."

"It's just a shirt, Y/N. You're overreacting. You can buy another one."

"It's not just about the shirt, Taeyong. You don't understand." You went next to him. "I don't have any clothes for work. Fuck."

Taeyong apologized once again and went back to the bed. He didn't really care about the fact that he ruined your shirt and left you alone past 10 pm, looking for clothes for work. He difted away to sleep while you had to hold your anger in yourself and calm down.

Your husband and you both work for the same company. You work in different departments and both of you start work at different hours. Taeyong got up and left an hour before you. As usual, you woke up to dirty dishes on the table and a cup of coffee on the counter. He didn't respect the fact that it was you who was cleaning the whole apartment.

"Look there. I guess you could've described another problem here, and we would put it together." Chaeyoung was taking notes on your words. "Do it, then send me the rest of the thing. I'll try to finish it by Friday."

"Thank you, and of course, I'm doing it."

Mark Lee was sipping on his coffee when he approached you. He was your best friend and best colleague from the company. Both of you go along pretty well.

"Someone's not in the mood today, huh?"

"Mark, please." You stopped on your way. "Don't get on my nerves today. It's not funny at all."

"Sorry, Miss Not in the Mood." He chuckled. "You slept on the wrong side, or what?"

"I slept on the right side."

"Then what happened?"

"Taeyong happened." Mentioning of your husband made your head hurt. "I asked him for one simple thing. Do laundry. That's all! Guess what." Mark was waiting for you to finally tell you the tea. "He ruined my shirt for today. I was tired, hungry, and annoyed, and on top of that, I had to find myself clothes for today."

Mark could only laugh. He was aware of your husband and how clumsy he can be.

"How did he even do it?"

"He put red socks and underwear together with white clothes. The majority of clothes were pijamas, but still. I didn't ask for much. I explained how the washing machine works about ten times!"

"Everyone makes mistakes, but your husband is crossing the line, Y/N. I'd be mad too. Yesterday was a horrible day."

It's almost the end of the month, so everyone is worked up. Every project needs to be finished ASAP, clients are waiting and aren't patient, and on top of that, your boss is scolding you for every little mistake you've made.

"You should be thankful you don't have to deal with it."

Another day went the same way. Today was another hard day, and the only thing you wished to do was fall asleep, but it seems like you won't be able to do that.

"Honey, I missed you."

Taeyong was looking at you with lust in his eyes. Deep down, you knew what he was about.

"Not today, sorry. I had a rough day, I'm exhausted."

"C'mon. I missed you and your body so much." He began to kiss down your neck. "I want you."

Anger was boiling in your veins. It's like you're talking to a wall.

"I told you no, why don't you give up? I'm not in the mood, I had a tiring day, and you expect me to fuck?"

"Fuck, Y/N." He stopped and put his hands into his hair. "We haven't had sex in months, alright? I have my needs, I'm fuckin horny, and I want to fuck my wife. I want us to feel good, yet you're always too busy to do so."

"I fuckin told you I'm tired. You're so, so.." His gaze went upon you. "Pushy. Leave me alone."

"Great."

The last thing you've heard was a door shutting. He left, and God knows when he'll be back. Like a kid. Your husband behaves like a spoiled child. Nothing ever satisfies him, and he wants things his way. Nothing in between.

Once you've been reading about all those unhappy couples who have sex once in a while, don't talk too much, or don't even know too much about each other. They're just together because they get used to each other and are way too comfortable to let go and leave. Little did you know you were going to face the same fate.

"Fuckin hell." You rolled your eyes. Taeyong wasn't picking up your calls when it was an important matter. "Boss, can I go into the marketing department to meet my husband? It's urgent."

He didn't even look up, but he nodded. Men.

The marketing floor was only three floors higher. Of course, you've known the majority of people working there thanks to Lee Taeyong. A few employees passed and greeted you.

Johnny was sitting by his desk, probably busy with his tasks that needed to be done by today.

"Hi, Johnny." He sent you a smile. "Do you know where Taeyong is?"

"Oh, hello, Y/N. Shit. I think he might leave for a lunch break with Jaehyun and Yuta."

"He did."

The voice was familiar to you. Turning your head, you saw no one else but Kim Doyoung. Your husband's co-worker and best friend.

"Fuck. Thank you, guys."

"Something did happen?"

"I wanted to ask him to drive me to Kun's bakery. It's Jaehyun's birthday in two days, but they need me there today. I guess they couldn't find a sample?" Doyoung was looking at you with his soft eyes, while you were stressed. "Nevermind. I'll go."

"Wait." Doyoung grabbed his coat. "I'll drive you. It's no problem for me. I'm on the break anyway."

Your whole body relaxed at his words. Somehow you felt different, because Taeyong usually rejects your requests, but Doyoung? He agreed right away.

As both you and Doyoung were on your way to Kun's bakery, Taeyong called you a few times. Asshole.

"Thank you, really. You have no clue how much this matters to me. You saved my day, Doyoung."

"No worries, I mean, I'm just driving you to the bakery. It's not hard, or something."

"I fear some people wouldn't agree." Doyoung glanced at you for a second. "Nevermind. Thank you, again. I bet Taeyong doesn't even remember we booked a cake at Kun's."

Both of you laughed at your remark. Doyoung was aware of how clumsy and nonresponsible his best friend can be.

"It wouldn't be Taeyong if he didn't forget about such a thing. But hey, look at you. You're about to solve a problem with Kun and come back to work, and you didn't need Taeyong's help."

"Wow, I'm so independent now. Not like you drove me there, at all."

Kim Doyoung was a year younger than Taeyong. Both of them have known each other since high school. Then they applied to the same business school where you met Taeyong. Both of them graduated and found a job at Lee Sooman's company. Like you did. Doyoung was different than Taeyong. He was clean, tidy, and he could cook. Everyone could depend on him when needed. He never let any of your friends down. Never. If you needed help, you should've called Doyoung. He was stylish and looked like an old-money guy. None of your friends, nor you, have seen him date. He probably had a few girlfriends, but they weren't serious, as you guessed.

"Well, I can pay you for-"

"Y/N, please." He stopped you mid-sentence. "Don't pay me at all. I had a great time picking a cake with you."

"Me too, Doyoung. Again, you're wonderful."

Taeyong was looking at you through the window of his office. He was calling you for an hour, and he had no response from you. He was a bit worried, but as he saw you with Doyoung.. He was relaxed.

Mark was smiling from ear to ear. He saw you coming into the building with Doyoung from the marketing department.

"What were you doing with Kim Doyoung?" He was moving his eyebrows in a funny way. "He's cool, right?"

"I had an emergency at Kun's bakery, yet my lovely husband wasn't picking up my calls." Mark scoffed. "He gave me a ride, and yes, he's a cool guy."

"Jaehyun's birthday, right?" You nodded. "I bought him a watch, and what about you and Taeyong?"

"I don't know. I was supposed to buy a cake, Taeyong is going to buy a gift. Please, I wish he had already done that."

Jaehyun's birthday is always a party at his house. He invites a whole friend group on the weekend, and makes a dinner. Everyone is drinking and having fun together. It was supposed to be an amazing day, but only if your husband didn't ruin it the day before.

"What do you mean you forgot?" Taeyong was stressed too. He knew he was meant to do something, but he had no idea what exactly. "Taeyong, you promised me you're going to buy him a gift!"

"Fuck, I forgot! Couldn't you do it? I'm busy with work, so it wouldn't hurt, Y/N."

"Are you kidding me?" You put on your coat. "I'm also working, I'm cleaning and cooking, I ordered the cake for Jaehyun's birthday, and both of us agreed that you're going to buy a gift!"

Every favor you're asking Taeyong for, ends in the same way every, fuckin, time. You can never depend on him.

"I help you too! Don't make me look like I'm some kind of lazy jerk. I simply forgot, things happen, okay."

"And what are we going to do? Are we going to show up with a cake for his 27th birthday and say sorry, but Taeyong fucked up once again?" The sarcasm in your tone was noticeable, and your husband wasn't a fan of it. "Do you even know what he likes?" Taeyong couldn't answer as he had no thoughts. "I knew it. God."

"Where are you going? It's past 8pm, and it's freezing outside?"

"None of your business. Clean after dinner. That's the last thing I'm asking you to do."

Cold February nights like this make you wonder about your life. Lately, both you and Taeyong have been fighting. You couldn't even remember when the last time both of you exchanged "I love yous". Are your friend's marriages the same? Do they fight a lot? Do they fight every day? Do they overcome it? To you, it seems like an endless circle.

Luck was with you tonight, because the old vinyl shop was open until 9. You made it on time to buy a jazz vinyl record for Jaehyun. He was a huge fan, everyone knew it, except Taeyong.

"That's a hundred dollas, mam."

The last shop you're going to visit is one owned by Haechan's uncle, who sells prestigious wines from all around the world. It was just a few blocks away.

As you were looking for a wine thatJaehyun hasn't tried yet, you've noticed familiar sillhouete.

"Doyoung?"

"Y/N?" He turned back with a gummy smile. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Emergency. Again."

"Mark mentioned that Taeyong was supposed to buy a gift, right?" He was visibly confused. "Then why are you here?"

"Key word 'supposed'."

For the first time ever, Doyoung felt bad for you. He always thought that you're a couple goals. Back in the day, you couldn't shut up about Taeyong. Either of you, were talking about each other, still in love. Taeyong never complained, nor did you. To be honest, every single one of your friends thinks you and Taeyong live your dream lives. Only Mark knew it was total opposite.

"I mean, maybe he was tired? Everyone works hard these days, people tend to forget things at times."

"Doyoung, please." You laughed sacristically. "I agree, but Taeyong always forgets about something. Doesn't matter if he's tired, or not."

For the time being, Doyoung had no explanation, nor could he defend his friend.

After a few minutes, Doyoung helped you pick a wine and took you home. It was another time he saved you. He was kind enough to drive you home.

"See you tomorrow, Y/N."

"See you too." As you were about to go into the building, you turned around. "Again, thank you."

Taeyong was asleep in the living room with a TV on. Typical of him. You looked over, and once again, Lee Taeyong disappointed you. The dishes were in the sink, not washed. You put the gifts down and did the dishes yourself.

Morning was a tense one. Neither of you speaks to yourself. The only thing you said was that you're going to pick up the cake by 5 pm. It was Saturday, and both you and your husband had a free day. Taeyong was probably waiting for you to make a lunch or something, but it wasn't your plan. You made yourself some waffles and ate them by yourself.

"Where's some for me?"

"Don't you have hands? Do it yourself."

He was looking at you in disbelief. Taeyong was used to you cooking and serving him food.

"Why are you bitching? I've already apologized. What else am I supposed to do?"

"I'm not bitching. I just made lunch for myself." He was getting annoyed with you. "It seems like I'm some kind of housewife to you. I'm not. Learn to do things yourself."

By 5pm, both of you were getting ready. It's been a long time since both of you went together somewhere. Taeyong stopped asking you on dates long time ago. Of course, you missed those silly dates. Your husband doesn't put effort in.

Taeyong was waiting for you in the car, while you put everything into a bag. One last look into the mirror, and you were looking pretty. In your eyes, everything seems fine.

"What are you wearing?" Taeyong almost burst laughing. "Honey, go change yourself, I don't think you look the best in such a dress."

For a moment, you felt stupid. Your own husband laughed at your look, even though you thought you looked great. A knee high, black dress and boots with a coat. Everyone was wearing that. It was a cute look.

"What do you even mean?"

"It's not made for you, I guess? I don't know, I just want to help you to not get emberrased."

"Oh, fuck you, Taeyong."

There was no time for changing, besides, you felt cute. A month ago, you would've run into the apartment to change but not today. You tried to ingore peaks Taeyong took. He hurt you. You thought you could ignore it, but as soon as you arrived, your self esteem was six fit under.

"Hey guys! Wow, Y/N, you look stuning!" Jaehyun welcomed you with a kiss on the cheek. "Suit yourselfs."

Jaehyun complimented you, but inside of your head there were Taeyong's words.

In the living room, everyone was waiting until Haechan would arrive with his fiance, Jimin. Johnny was sipping on a coffee with Sooyoung. Taeil was taking photos with his wife, Joohyun. Yuta, Jungwoo and Jaehyun were making food. Mark was laughing with his girlfriend, Soyeon. Doyoung was looking at you and Taeyong, when both of you arrived. Doyoung couldn't stop himself from looking at you. This dress complimented your body and your bueaty the best.

"Everyone let's drink. It's our Jaehyun's birthday." Johnny stood up with a glass of champagne in his left hand. "I can't believe you're already 27. We're all happy to be here and celebrate with you, dude."

The party was going great, everyone had fun, and none of the guests seem to be annoyed, or not having fun. Taeyong found himself sitting with Yuta playing games and drinking beer.

"Men are like children." Joohyun sat down next to you on the coach. "I can't believe they're almost in their 30s."

"Don't tell me that. Look at them, they're playing on the PlayStation as if they were teenage boys."

"At least we can have some time to ourselfes."

Joohyun was right. She was with Taeil since freshman year of the college. She was three years older than Moon Taeil and she was one of your closest female friends. Everyone looks up to her, since she was the oldest one in the friend group.

"Can I ask you something?" Joohyun looked at you waiting for your question. "Do you fight with Taeil often?"

"Hell yes! We fought in the morning because he didn't clean the bathroom like I asked him to."

"Did he do it after you had scolded him?"

"Of course. What kind of question is that?" She laughed at you, but you were dead serious. "Wait. Doesn't Taeyong do the same? You know, if you scold a man, then he's kind of irritated, but do it anyway out of respect for you."

"He doesn't. You see, I asked him to do something. I show him how to do things properly, so he won't have to need my help. I explain it like I'm speaking to a child. I do it about ten times per chore." You giggled at yourself. "Guess what. He doesn't do it. No matter how much I ask for, he either forgets, or doesn't do it at all."

Joohyun, for the first time ever since she has met you, felt bad for you. For the first time ever, Taeyong doubted her.

"I have no idea what to say, Y/N. It's not supposed to be like that. You're a duo after all."

"I don't think we're a duo, Joohyun."

For the rest of the night, Taeyong didn't give you attention, which you were thankful for. He got on your nerves enough. He was hanging out with his homeboys, enjoying himself, not worrying about you. In his mind, both of you have a perfect life. You are happy together, and you're madly in love. Maybe love is starting to be a too strong word for your feelings towards that man.

"Are you fine, Y/N?"

Doyoung smiled at you when you were sipping on a lemonade made by Johnny and Mark.

"I'm just tired after work and all this shit. And you? Are you fine?"

"It could be worse." He chuckled. "I see Taeyong isn't with you."

"Thank God. He's busy playing games."

"Still. I haven't seen you talking yet."

"We had a small fight before."

A reminder of that situation from before made you self conscious again. Your husband's words aren't supposed to make you feel the way they do.

"Was it serious or?"

"Not really. It was about my outfit, so nothing extreme."

"What do you mean by your outfit? You look stunning, I swear to God."

"Doyoung, can you be honest with him? We've known each other for almost ten years. We're friends." The man was busy thinking about what might come next out of your mouth. "Do I look bad? Be honest. Do I look worse than before? I don't know, am I not taking care of myself?"

It was a question directed at Doyoung because he was a person from a friend group that you've known for the longest. Actually, it was Doyoung who introduced you and Taeyong to each other. He knew him from high school, and he met you during the same classes at the business school. Kim Doyoung was a lovely nerd. Interested in Star Wars, books, and business. He used to collect plushies, he even gave you some of them. You always have wondered how Doyoung's world crushed with Taeyong's. Lee Taeyong was a popular jerk, interested in tattoos, rock, and trouble. For quite some time, you had a small crush on Doyoung. But then, you met Taeyong, and you fell head over heels over him.

"I don't see the point of this question. Isn't it obvious? Many guys from the department have a crush on you. I saw multiple strangers turn their necks when you passed by. You've always been pretty, Y/N."

"Now I feel better. Thank you, Doyie."

He was looking at you, once again, with his soft eyes. Sometimes, he wonders why you work him up so much.

"No problem. Remember, you're that girl. Don't let anyone say otherwise."

As you were about to respond, Taeyong showed up. He was drunk, and he could barely stand on his legs.

"Did you just call my wife pretty?"

"I did. We're friends, though. It's not that deep, Taeyong."

"I don't know, maybe you want to do something with her?" He was approaching you and Doyoung. Embarrassment fed your whole body as he got closer. "I don't like the way you talk to her."

"What's your fuckin problem, dude? I complimented her, since no one else bothers to do so. Like her husband, for example. Get it together, man."

You wish you could be gone for a second. Taeyong was drunk, and he had no clue what was going on.

"Shut the fuck up, Doyoung. You don't know shit."

"Calm down. You're wasted as fuck."

Everything that came after is now the past. The next thing you knew was Taeyong punching Doyoung straight into his nose. Blood was dripping on his shirt, and guys tried to grab him. You were shocked, and all you could do was scream at your husband. He was never that aggressive towards someone.

Jaehyun and Yuta were holding Taeyong, while Johnny and Haechan held Doyoung. Both males were calling each other names, while you wanted to disappear. Everyone was stunned. They had no idea such a storm was coming tonight. Best friends fighting over nothing.

"I'm leaving."

You got up, took your purse and coat, and left. Sooyoung called after you, but you were done for tonight. There was nothing you could do with your stupid husband. Leaving seemed like a good option.

"Get in." After a five-minute walk, a black Mercedes parked by your side. It wasn't your husband, though. "I won't let you go alone on a cold, dark night. Get in."

"You don't have to, Doyoung. I really -"

"I won't repeat myself."

Even after such a fucked up night, Doyoung had to be the one to take you home, not your husband. Does he even love you?

A week passed by, and nothing has changed. Both you and Taeyong would only see each other in the morning. Not even a simple "Hi" was exchanged. He was too embarrassed after what happened at Jaehyun's birthday.

"Y/N, we would love to move you a bit higher." Lee Sooman, your boss spoke to you. "We found your results to be the best out of the whole company. I want to promote you to a higher position and move you to the International Marketing department. Are you in?"

It was the day that would change your life the most. Working schedule was tighter, and you had to spend more hours weekly in the company. Chaeyoung was moved into the marketing department, so she was working with Taeyong. Everyone in the new floor was a stranger to you. These days, it's hard to find friends. Especially from work. Mark would always pass by your floor to say hello, though.

"Can I talk to Y/N?" Yuta's voice echoed through the office of the international marketing floor. "It's urgent and we need her. I'm from the Japanese unit."

Na Jaemin, your new co-worker, asked you to come. With a smile on, you saw Yuta waiting for you.

"What do you need, Yuta?"

"Are you the one who is in charge of France and Italy's orders?" You nodded at his words. "Well, I think that someone messed up and their orders came to Japan, and Japan's order came to France. Can you check it out with me?"

Both of you came to your desk and typed out the information about the order. Someone from the delivery unit must have mistaken the orders, that would have cost millions of dollars.

"I think you should call the international shipping floor, there's Seulgi. She may know what to do before the boss finds out."

When you were on your way back, Chaeyoung stopped you. She was smiling a bit.

"Can you help us, Y/N?"

It turns out that marketing and international marketing are supposed to make an ad together. You were picked as a person from the international floor, and Doyoung was picked from marketing.

"I'm glad I'm working with you, Doyoung."

"Me too. I would cry, if I had to work with Jeno or Xiaojun. They're a bit weird."

"I don't blame you." You laughed when you opened your laptop. "I think we should start today, and it would take about a week for us to finish. What's the theme of the ad?"

Doyoung took a look at his papers and then answered you.

"Youth. Progression. Victory."

"How the fuck are we supposed to do it?" In your head, you saw how much of a struggle this ad would be. "Any ideas?"

The time went by so fast, none of you noticed it was past 8 pm. Both of you got to work to make the best project you could ever do. Doyoung was a smart guy, and he knew exactly what to put in an ad to make it interesting.

While both of you were working, Taeyong didn't call you at all. You were supposed to be at home at 6, yet he didn't even care. He's probably still mad at you because of the fight.

"I'll drop you at home." Doyoung put his coat on, and looked at you to check if you're ready. "C'mon, Y/N."

"I feel bad. You're doing too much for me, Doyoung." It was truth, Doyoung didn't mind but to you it was wrong. Taeyong is supposed to help you, not his best friend. "Let me call Taeyong, he would pick me up."

"Waiting for his response, then."

It's ben almost 30 seconds and he didn't pick up. Another call. And another. Nothing. He wasn't going to pick up your calls tonight.

"I'm sorry. It's going to be the last time you're dropping me at home. For real."

Doyoung didn't answer but rather smiled at you. It was cute how much you didn't want to depend on him, but you did anyway.

Both of you were in a car talking about the details of the project when suddenly your stomach made a noise.

"Have you eaten anything today?"

"Lunch. Sandwiches."

"Y/N, it was at 1. It's 8. Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm fine." Another noise came from your stomach. "Okay, maybe a little."

"We're going to eat something. I'm hungry too."

When you were about to protest, Doyoung shushed you a bit. He parked by a restaurant next to the company. Both of you ordered the same thing and enjoyed the meal together inside.

"How much am I supposed to pay you back? I wasn't looking at the price."

"Don't worry, it's on me."

"Doyoung, I can't-"

"I said it's fine." He laughed. "Enjoy your meal and stop being so annoying."

It was the first time since you could've remembered when you were in a restaurant. The last time you were in a restaurant was with Taeyong on your birthday a few months ago. You couldn't explain why, but you felt the warmth you hadn't felt in a long time.

"Doyoung, I really want to thank you for everything you're doing for me." He stopped eating and focused on your words. "I have shitty time with my husband, work is getting on my nerves, and you're too nice to me'' It felt as almost you were crying. "You have no idea how much it does mean to me."

"Y/N, stop. I do it, and I'm not complaining at all. I like to spend time together, and it's not your fault that Taeyong is such an asshole. I wish he was a better husband. You deserve someone who will love you unconditionally."

After that, your evening got better. Doyoung took you on a small car trip around Seoul. He showed you some streets you hadn't seen before. Deep down, he knew you didn't want to come back home as soon as possible. He parked for a minute by the Han River.

"It's an amazing place. I feel like I'm 17 again, me and my friends go on trips here to follow our crushes from school."

"I did the same thing with boys. Me, Yuta, and Taeyong with Jonny would be here every day after classes because of Taeyong." He was laughing at himself. "Because of him and Kang Seulgi, we were here every day for hours. He wanted to look at her and ask her out. It never worked though, because she left for some time, then we were in business school, and he was dating you."

Kang Seulgi? Seulgi from the delivery department? From you company? Taeyong had crush on her? Suddenly you felt lightheaded, your vision became blurry, and tears appeared on you eyes. You had to take a few deep breathes to calm down.

"I've never heard about Taeyong and Seulgi? Why?"

"Fuck. I wasn't supposed to tell you then." It was an accident. Doyoung believed you were aware of Taeyong's first love. "I shouldn't tell you. Sorry, Y/N."

"It's too late, can you tell me more?"

"I shouldn't. I already have said too much."

"Doyoung, please. Taeyong never told me about Seulgi. I had no idea about another girl."

You felt hurt a bit, not because you were jealous. You were hurt because Taeyong was probably lying to you for these years. Was he in love with a girl that got away? That's why he doesn't care. You're not the one Lee Taeyong loves.

"They were seeing each other for months. He always had a thing for her. She rejected him a few times because she was supposed to move to Daegu for some time." Doyoung was looking far ahead, he didn't dare to spare you a look. "Seulgi left, he was depressed for weeks, then I met you. I introduced both of you to each other." Boy, how much does he regret that. "He was focused on you, then Seulgi came back. I guess they tried to talk, but he was dating you already."

"Now it all makes sense to me. Fuckin asshole." You weren't even hurt anymore. It seems like all the feelings for Lee Taeyong are gone. Even hate. "We've been together for the past 8 years. I've focused on him. I was like a maid! He was never there for me when I needed him the most, but I forgave him. I always did. I did this all to find out he was never truly in love with me. Bullshit." A sarcasstic laugh left your mouth while Doyoung was observing you. "Why would you ever introduce him to me? I would've dodged the bullet, Doyie. I wish you didn't."

Doyoung felt guilty, even though he shouldn't. In his eyes, Taeyong was a good man. He was sure his friend was treating you like a princess.

"Sorry, I felt he would be a good party for you. I don't know. But you can't say he doesn't love you. You don't know that."

"I think we both know that."

Awkward silence occurred between you.

"Listen, I do believe you deserve better. Don't mind him, maybe one day he will see what he has lost. Look at you, Y/N. You can't get such an asshole like him to make you feel bad. I love him, he's my best friend, but you're my friend too. I wish you would be happier."

His words were true and meaningful. Doyoung was right. You deserve better than that. In the heat of a moment, you turned your head towards him and kissed him.

"Fuck, sorry. I shouldn't, I don't know what I was thinking-"

He stopped you with a kiss. Much stronger kiss. It was like your mouths knew each other well. As if they were missing pieces together. It's been a long time since you've been kissed.

Best friends don't kiss each other's partners, and a wife doesn't kiss her husband's best friend. That was the truth. It's been a few days, and it was awkward between you and Doyoung. Taeyong apologized to you, and he tried to be a better man for you. Somehow, you felt a bit guilty because you were married, but honestly? You wished to wake up to Doyoung every day instead of Taeyong.

"I made you breakfast."

Taeyong got into the bedroom with a plate of toast and scrambled eggs.

"Thank you."

"That's it?"

"What else am I supposed to say?" You popped your eyebrow. "I've done breakfast for you for the past 8 years, give me a break already. It's the bare minimum, Taeyong."

"I thought you'd be happy."

"I am. Okay?"

It's too late to fix things now. Breakfast in bed won't fix the damage that has already been done to you. Deep down, you wanted to feel guilty, but you just couldn't.

In the company, everyone was busy. It's April. One of the busiest months for the company. You had hopes of passing by Doyoung. Your project got accepted, whichh made your comapany's saels higher. Mark would drop by to talk shit about your co-workers. Johnny bought you a coffee, and Sooyoung called to go shopping with you. Everything should go fine.

About 7 pm, when the company was almost empty, you saw a well known to you figure. He was putting his things together, probably about to leave the building.

"Can we talk? Like adults, please? Ignoring each other won't turn back time, Doyoung."

"It's not the best time for this conversation, the building is about to close down."

"Then let's talk somewhere else. Even at the stupid bench in the park."

He took a second to rethink his life decisions.

"Let's talk at mine."

After 15 minutes, both of you arrived at Doyoung's apartment. It was located in the center of Seoul. It was maybe the fourth time you've ever been there.

"I know it's bad and awkward. I'm married to your best friend, and we kissed each other, making out even." You chuckled because of your nerves. "I shouldn't have kissed you, I guess. Sorry. But please, let's talk. I kinda miss you." He looked at you, a bit shocked. "As friends, of course."

"Well, I really want to say I regret kissing you. Really." He was pacing around the living room. "But it would be a lie. Honestly? I enjoyed it, and I would do it again, and again, and again. I don't give a fuck about Taeyong now."

His statement made you blush. He was confident in himself and sure of what he was saying.

"Fuck, me too. I know how wrong it is, but I can't help myself."

Nothing else needed to be said. Doyoung dropped everything he had held. He was kissing you like a starved man. As if he hadn't been able to see you for ages. It's a forbidden romance, and you're enjoying it.

Next thing you knew was you being in his bedroom. He was slowly kissing you down your neck, while his hands were taking off your clothes. Everything felt magical.

"Can I?" He asked with hungry eyes, his fingers on the hem of your pants. "Please?"

"Please."

It was the best sex you've ever had. Taeyong usually didn't pay you much attention. He wanted to cum and he could care less if you did. Doyoung paid attention to you, and only you. He was focused on making you feel good. He loved your body and moans you left out your mouth.

"You're amazing. I wish it was me who dated you back then." Doyoung was holding you in a spoon. His fingers were circling your shoulder. "I like you."

"I like you too."

Since then, it has become a routine for you. Taeyong wasn't suspicious of anything. He was busy working with Seulgi. He couldn't lie, but he preferred to stay at the company until late hours to finish tasks with her. He thought you were having fun with Joohyun or Sooyoung. You and Taeyong barely talk to each other, but none of you seem to mind. This marriage was meant to fail from the beginning.

"Y/N." Mark touched your shoulder. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure?"

"What were you doing at Doyoung's apartment last night? I was there to drop him off his laptop, but I saw you coming in."

This question made your heart drop. Romance between you and Doyoung was supposed to be a secret until you'd be responsible enough to divorce Taeyong.

"We're friends? And co-workers? I was doing research with him." You giggled. "What are you even thinking of?"

"Fuck, sorry. I shouldn't have asked." He was a bit embarrassed. "You wouldn't do anything harmful to Taeyong. I thought you were doing something weird with Doyoung."

"Mark, please. How could you think about it?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen you talk in weeks. He's always around Seulgi, you're meeting with Doyoung a lot, and both of you leave at different hours." He was a bit confused. "Are you guys fine?"

"Yes, we are fine, Mark. Don't worry too much."

The thought of being almost caught scared you. Your friends wouldn't understand you. They would blame you for cheating on your lovely, hardworking, and amazing husband. Especially, if you're cheating on him with his best friend. You were lonely, and you lost feelings for Taeyong long ago, he himself probably had lost them first, a long time ago.

"I know." Joohyun's word made you stressed. "Taeyong called asking about you. I covered for you every single time. You're cheating on him, right?"

It was supposed to be a chill meeting at your apartment with a coffee and cake. Joohyun loved you as if you were her sister.

"Before we go any further, don't judge me, please." You couldn't look her in the eyes. "I'm ashamed of myself, but I think that's how it was meant to be. You don't understand how it is to be with Taeyong. How is it to be unloved and ignored."

"Y/N, I'm not judging you at all. Me and Johnny support you. At first, Johnny was furious, and he couldn't believe it." She chuckled. "I guess, me too. I wasn't ready. But look at this. After Taeyong? I really admire you, and how you were able to move on with life.

"I know I'm the worst person on earth because of that. I'm ashamed to face him and tell him I want a divorce."

"Well, it's not a surprise. It's a tough topic. Let me ask you another question. Is it Doyoung?"

"How do you know?"

"It's obvious. Every time we've been gathering together, he could never take his eyes off of you."

After that, Joohyun and Johnny promised you to keep a secret. They didn't support cheating, but they couldn't blame you. Everyone thought you were living a great life with Taeyong, only to turn out it was the total opposite.

"I'll divorce him."

Doyoung was sitting on the chair on his balcony with you on his lap. He was finishing his glass of wine. As soon as he heard that, his eyes met yours.

"Are you sure? I don't want to force you into anything." He said, slowly carrasing your back. "I fear that Taeyong won't forgive us. I may lose my best friend."

"At first, I thought the exact same thing." You kissed his cheek. "But now, I completely hate this guy. I lost my femininity, myself, and energy because of him. I can't look at him, because all I see is how much he hurt me and me cheating on him."

"I'm here. I'm going to support you no matter what."

Both you and Doyoung told your friends you needed to go on a trip to Jeju. You had the time of your life there. Taeyong was texting you once in a while. Doyoung made your life interesting. He gave you something Taeyong could never.

Dark nigths going on a walks on the beach. Singing songs in a karaoke bar or in your room. Doing stupid teenagers shit. Life with Doyoung was different. You felt loved.

Joohyun invited everyone from the friend group to a BBQ. It was a usual Friday. Mark was in charge of drinks with Jungwoo. Johnny was in charge of the music. Taeyong was busy with his phone, while you and Doyoung cut fruits like Joohyun asked you to.

It should be a peaceful night. Only if Seulgi didn't show up. After she came, the atmosphere tensed. Jaehyun felt uncomfortable, so did Yuta and Taeil. You tried to ignore it, but Seulgi was all on Taeyong. In public. In front of everyone's eyes.

"Why is she here?"

"I don't know. Joohyun probably invited her." Doyoung sipped on his drink. "That's wild."

"It is. That's why I hate him. Look how shameless he is."

After some time, everyone was busy with something. Some were dancing, and some were singing old hits. You were on the coach, looking at your friends having fun.

"How are you, Y/N?" Jaehyun and Jungwoo sat down on both sides of you. "We saw you're sitting like a potato here."

"I'm not drunk enough to go up and dance."

"Then drink more!" Jungwoo handed you another drink. "We're having fun tonight!"

"Exactly. You can't be depressed or something."

They were right. Soon after, you had almost five different drinks, most of them being mixed with vodka. You were dancing with the girls, then with Yuta and Doyoung. You really had a lot of fun. Until Taeyong turned the music off.

"Everyone! Can I take a second of your time?" Everyone was confused. Your heartbeat was faster, and your hands started to sweat. "I'd like to share the wonderful news with you!" He was drunk. Drunk like on Jaehyun's birthday. It means trouble. "I don't know if any of you are aware of me and Y/N. My lovely wife."

You were quick to stand up and grab Taeyong.

"Let's go. Get yourself together you're embarrassing me."

"Let me go." He got out of your hold. "As you know, we've been married for 8 years! That's a long period, right? Well, I think someone might get bored of one another."

"Taeyong, please. Stop it."

Tears came into your eyes quickly. Everyone witnessing the scene was confused. Joohyun was fast to send Johnny to get Taeyong somewhere else.

"Johnny, leave me alone! I'd like to share something with you! Our lovely, sweet, and faithful Y/N is a cheating bitch! That's right!" He was laughing devilishly, while you were on a verge of a breakdown. "Isn't it crazy? We all think about her as of an angel. Look at her. She's not all that."

"I don't think you should do it, man." Jaehyun tried to get Taeyong's attention, but he wasn't listening.

"I should. My wife is fucking my best friend, and I should stay quiet? No way! Tell us, Y/N, how long have you been fuckin Doyoung?"

People left gasps. They all turned their heads towards you. Johnny and Joohyun felt anger. He should never done this to you in a public.

"Let her go, man. I'm not kidding." Doyoung stood up and pushed Taeyong. "Are you crazy? Did you forget about fuckin Seulgi? You're not saint after all."

It felt like a nightmare. Everything was going so fast, and you could only stand there shocked.

"I was faithful to her for the longest time ever! And look how did she pay me back."

"Don't be funny, Taeyong." You managed to say it, while wiping the tears away. "How can you do this to me? After what I've done to you. I never told anyone how much of a burden living with you was! Not even once! I was there with you when I was doing every chore for you! Every little thing you needed! I let you fuck me when I wasn't in the mood, because I cared about you!" You were screaming on top of your lungs. "Y'all can judge me. You can throw names at me, I don't care! I've never been happier. None of you understand what I went through."

Your friends were in shock. They never would guess what was coming. You and Taeyong fighting in the Johnny's backyard with a people around. All the dirty things you've ever done were mentioned.

"Don't act like a victim."

"Am I not? You were using me for everything. I lost my will to live, Taeyong. You're a selfish motherfucker, who had never loved me. You've been in love with Seulgi since the beginning. You lied to me, ruined my life and I wasted all those years."

"I want a divorce."

"Me too. I hate you, Taeyong."

With that, all your group friends were confused. Joohyun, Johnny, and Doyoung gave you support. Taeil and Sooyoung reached out to you too. Mark,Haechan, Yuta and Jungwoo were confused about what to do. Jaehyun had no idea what to think, until Johnny changed his mind. They were uncomfortable with everything that'd been said that day.

Taeyong blocked your number, packed your things, and threw you out of your shared apartment. You had no choice but to move in with Doyoung.

"I love you, Y/N. I think I always did."

"I wish I had married you first." Both of you chuckled on the way to the court. "Imagine what we would have done in these years. I'm grateful we have so much to explore about each other."

Doyoung never let you down, or doubted you, or your trust. He gave you loved, you were craving for. He was a missing puzzle to your life. He helped you understand yourself, and improve yourself.

"Mr. and Mrs. Lee, oficially you've been divorced. Mrs. Y/N, succesfuly, you dropped Lee from your last name. I wish both of you happines on a new life's path."

It would be the end of the chapter titled Taeyong, now you're beinning a new one with your true love.

[murfpersonalblog]

I had to pause reading this to scream laugh holler rolling in my grave at @siahatha's new fic & Louis's arm-burning scene--it's SO good! 👏 This is just me fangirling & thinking out loud; it was way too long to put in the comments at AO3.

Four little bars have been burned (and must have burned for a while, Jesus, he sleeps like the dead) into Louis’ forearm, hand, and fingers from where they smoldered in the little bit of light. Lestat must have moved Louis’ hand when he realized. Impulsively (premeditated), Louis slides his hand back into the light, eyes on Lestat. “Absolument pas!/ Absolutely not,” Lestat snarls, wrenching Louis’ hand back into the shadow. It hurts a little, but maybe only because of the burn on his arm.  “Joues avec moi/ play with me,” Louis whines, and he means it. Lestat is overreacting (typical, Louis can only be harmed on Lestat’s terms apparently) and Armand would have gotten it, would have let him burn just a little, and allowed him the grace of repentance.  “I will not,” Lestat works his jaw.... "....What’s wrong with some sexual processing? What’s the difference between a spanking and a little sun?” “....The difference, mon amour, is that I am not Armand. I get what I want, and what I want is my darling safe and sated."

I LOVE the contrast b/t Armand vs Lestat, and the diametrically opposed ways they handle Louis' mental illness--enabling vs enforcing. There's good & bad on both unhealthily toxic sides ofc; pampering & spoiling vs protecting & domineering; and there's a time & a place for both/either--but what really matters most is what LOUIS wants in a husband:

Lestat’s nostrils flare. “Impossible! I wake up to the smell of you burning your arm off, and now I’m being punished with century-old pettiness, for what? Declining to indulge your suicidality through the thin veneer of sado-masochism? Why would I pleasure you with pain when I am so very skilled at pleasuring you with pleasure? No, Louis, I will not burn you with the sun when I can take you into my mouth instead. Now, please, let’s go to coffin so that I may do just that and we can get some fucking sleep.” So there it was. Lestat was the best lay of his life and he wouldn’t let him hurt himself. And brother, Louis does feel warm here in the shadows with Lestat and all his loving firmness. Louis continues to be pleasantly surprised by New Lestat’s patience. He’ll return the blow job. He feels his honey deserves it.  “I think antidepressants would be a more apt metaphor,” Louis says, because he’s not about to just roll over.... Lestat rolls his eyes, actor expressive. “Regardless. A—what is the English?—a pushover! I am not. I will not allow you to hurt yourself and I do not give up. I will always be there to steady your hand.” Lestat tightens his grip on Louis’ arm. “And I will play no more of these games,” Lestat says, ending the discussion, scooping Louis up and carrying him to coffin, where he enjoys feeling weightless as Lestat steps over the coffin room’s threshold.  Later, Louis is being held in the true dark of the coffin, where it smells like Lestat and everything that means to Louis. He smiles, ignoring the sinking feeling. He’s gotten what he wanted. “I love you,” he whispers into the dark.

As pridefully independent & stubborn as Louis is, he still WANTS someone to snatch his hand away and tell him NO and bodily carry him out of the room and put him in a safe cocoon/coffin and hold him close & make everything better.

I'm just reminded of our very first scene with Lou demonstrating to Daniel what vampirism looks like in the sun; and Armand's reaction.

Like, it was wild that Lou even went that far, burning his arm just to prove to Daniel that he's really a vampire; when back in SanFran all he needed to do was flash his fangs & move at super speed.

Lou's chronically suicidal, but burning in the sun isn't the only way to self-destruct; he's BEEN slowly killing himself EVERY DANG DAY.

Armand erroneously thought Lou reading Claudia's diaries & being interviewed was what was gonna send him off the deep end again; but Daniel's proving that Louis NEEDS to face the past & confront his trauma so it can be processed & he can truly start healing--not bury it under the rug & force himself to forget.

Sure, Armand pulled him out of the sun in SanFran, but he had/has been doing LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE to pull Louis out of his continuing spiral; often contributing to Louis' bad practices; or standing back and watching Louis "act out"--these are CRIES FOR HELP; but Armand can't see it; he just judges Louis & resents him in silence. The 100+ drunken/drugged blackout sexcapades eff-off-and-find-me-laters; asking Armand to lobotomize him 3 days after he'd had a terrible mental breakdown; taking on the Dom role when Lou's not even good at it & doesn't enjoy it; squirelling himself away in Dubai eating human food that tastes like glue--it's ALL self-mortification; it's ALL suicide. Louis wants to get OUT, but he needs help that Armand just can't give him.

Sadly, Lestat, for all his flaws & faults, is the one Louis REALLY wants; and (giving the devil his props) he's much better equipped to handle Lou, cuz he's not afraid to bully Louis go head-to-head with him. Fighting is NOT the right way ofc; and Loustat aren't inherently predisposed to fighting at all--they're both actually incredibly sensitive & soft--but the struggles in Loustat's life hardened them & conditioned them to become fighters--nurture versus nature.

Loustat's problem is that they needed to learn how to communicate WITHOUT the crutch of telepathy (which clearly hadn't helped Loumand anyway ); and realize that as companions/husbands, every conversation/connection doesn't actually NEED to be borne of violence--seeing each other as obstacles to be crossed or fights/battles to be won.

One of my favorite lines in a fic is from BlueBloodBruise's Go Fetch God:

He could hear Lestat pacing downstairs, playing music that galloped nowhere, raging at the world with two fists up. If he closed his eyes, Louis could still hear him weep, howling sobs so freighted with grief they reminded Louis of the screams of mating herons.... "What, Louis?! What in God’s rotten hell do you want? You know I can't read your mind!" "You." This is the definition of madness, Louis thinks dimly...trying to convince his murderer to let himself be loved. "I want you to let me in. I want to let you in without being afraid you’ll tear me to pieces, like God would have if he'd peered into my soul when I was mortal. If I fear you, I can’t love you, Lestat. You have to share yourself with me—" "I did! I shared my blood, my home with you, my—" "No. I need you to put your fists down and look at me. Not like some object you created, but like an equal, your hus—" .

They needed to find a balance--as EQUALS. Passivity & cowardice isn't the right way either, and sometimes when you see your loved one doing dangerous stupid ish, you HAVE to step up and stop them; even if they get mad and it causes a fight and they yell & holler that they hate you.

ARMAND NEVER HAD THAT! Armand went from a sheltered childhood in poverty to parents who sold/threw him away; to sex slavery & captivity; to white-savior hero worship living with uber-hedonistic Marius who spoiled him rotten & taught him to mix pain w/ pleasure via BDSM; to 200+ years in a brainwashed Satanic cult of self-loathing & self-mortification (all pain & zero pleasure); to LEADING that Satanic coven & brainwashing others to follow the Great Laws & gaslighting humans to not notice that the calls are coming from inside the house. This is all Armand's ever had.

Louis was his first/only "real" relationship with a normal person (someone not his Maker & not a coven-member). Armand overcorrected all the harsh treatments he got & gave b4, to treat Lou with kid gloves--when really, Lou needed tough love--not someone to "chop his hands off" the way Armand treated Nicki, but someone to really HELP him cuz they UNDERSTAND & love him.

Lou was deeply traumatized by his formative years, too--his baby brother Paul in & out of mental asylums, cast off by Papa DPDL & coddled by their mother Florence; who babied Paul but HATED any signs of LOUIS being ANOTHER "fragile son." Anything "wrong" with Lou he'd need to figure TF out how to get rid of ASAP!

Louis couldn't afford to be mentally unstable, depressed--he needed to buck up & take care of this nasty AF family that hated/resented/didn't understand him. The only one he'd ever connected with was Paul--who committed suicide right in front of him after Louis told him he loved him; only for Lou's own mother to blame him for Paul's death like wtf.

The only one who understood even a fraction of what Lou'd gone through and how Lou operated & what he'd want/need IS LESTAT. Cuz he'd been there, too.

Les grew up dirt poor, but his family dynamic was uncannily similar to the DPDLs; only instead of Paul, Les had Gabrielle. Les saw his mom Gabrielle in Louis, (and Armand KNOWS this; which is why his whole backstory/account of Lesmand in Paris is SUS AF). Louis was SEEN by Lestat--they're kindred spirits; two sides of the same coin--for better and for worse; cuz when Loustat's in sync it's beautiful; but when they clash THEY CLASH. 💀

Loumand has never been in sync; they're only ever on the same page when they're performing/pretending/role-playing. Armand constantly says/does the WRONG thing--

--then victim-blames Louis afterwards; redirecting any and all culpability OFF himself and ONTO LOU (or Claudia, Daniel, Santiago, Tom, Dick and Harry....), as if it's all Louis' fault what happened to him, and not the result of Armand's contributing/mishandling of Louis' PTSD.

As opposed to the way Lestat talks to Louis--

--not focusing Lou's suicide attempt as the result of something Lou did to HIMSELF, but rather something done TO Louis--(mental) illness isn't HIS FAULT; it's something he can get HELP for; and Les loves him and is just waiting for him to be ready to talk to him.

But don't wait too long! At Rue Royale Lestat often sat silently letting all their messes simmer & boil over. What's amazing about fanfics like @siahatha's Alligator Tears (a sequel to Renaissance) is that it gives Loustat the chance to sit down and have those much-needed talks, hard as they are, so they can finally MAKE PEACE and HEAL as a better couple. Lestat also KNOWS Louis, and that's why he can get in Louis' face and ALSO tell him that he's not gonna sit back and let Louis hurt himself--and their relationship--anymore. Lou's anorexia's a symptom of a much more complicated issue (a vegan vampire still grappling with what it means to kill people in order to feed healthily), so that is a delicate matter that will take time for them to negotiate--one of my fave parts of Renaissance is when Loustat's in the blood donor truck--but any self-immolation will be nipped in the bud IMMEDIATELY. 😤👏

[devscottage]

I’m sorry I need some good Matt angst right abt now

ofc bb!! here it is. hopefully not too sad and its what you envisioned

I didn’t deserve that

summary; Matt used to bully y/n and when she finally confronts the past things get messy really quickly with her current friendship with Nick & Chris and her future relationship with Matt

CW; angst, sadness, hurt/no comfort?, crying, past trauma, strained friendships, cursing, talks of mental health (depression, anxiety) and slight mention of ED's, passive suicidal ideation, and SH.

!! DISCLAIMER; there will be talks of mental health such as depression, anxiety, and slight TW for brief mentions of ED's, passive suicidal ideation, and SH. There will be no details or anything like that but if you are uncomfortable with this please skip!! !!

flashbacks = bold & italics

I'm not known for holding grudges, that's not who l am. I forgive and move on from the past.

Second chances are a good judgement of character, but I can't bring myself to forgive him. Someone I thought was my best friend.

We grew up together but senior year of high school everyone and everything changed.

I walked through the main doors of the high school, overly aware of my surroundings. I prayed that today would be different, but it never would be.

I hear footsteps behind me and I braced myself for another day of being tortured by Matt. I turned around so he couldn't scare me.

"What do you want now? Is this little game you play so amusing?" I sneered

"Woah there, someone's on her period," Matt snickered, holding up his hands.

"Very funny, so original," I rolled my eyes.

"With that snarky attitude nobody's gonna wanna date your ugly ass. Maybe a smile might make your case better,"

I scoff at his bluntness. "Fuck you,"

"You'd wish you could fuck me! All you'd get is a pity fuck," he yelled out as I walked away in tears.

I've kept in contact with Nick and occasionally Chris, but I haven't spoke to Matt since we've graduated. Nick begged me to come over and just at least talk to him. I've always refused, but today is different. I need closure. It's the only way ill move on with my life.

I'm currently in the back seat of an uber, Nick beside me, heading to their house where Matt is waiting. It's silent in the car, no music or conversation. It's a little awkward but I appreciate it, it gives me time to think. Nick understands my stress and anxiety around Matt and he shows no judgment. He is, on the other hand, concerned that the barrier between me and Matt will tear our friendship apart so he is adamant on us forgiving each other.

My hands start to shake and Nick grabs one of them and squeezes it gently.

"Are you alright? Are you sure you want to do this?" he kept his eyes on me, glancing towards the front ever so often, but I knew that he was paying attention.

"Just nervous, that's all. I haven't spoke to him since senior year," I smiled weakly.

"I know what happened between you two was difficult and needs to be worked out, but if you want to leave I will call an uber, no hesitation or convincing."

"You have no idea how calming that is. Thank you Nick,"

"No problem, y/n,"

We pull up by the side of their house and I hesitate to get out of the car. I pull myself together, taking a deep breath before following Nick to his house.

I slowly walked up the stairs into the living room to see Matt sitting on the couch, looking like he hadn’t slept for days. He looks up at me when he hears footsteps. His eyes were watering and his lip quivered a little. Matt rubbed his tace trying to stop himselt trom crying. He looked so distraught.

"Hi." I slowly sit down next to him on the couch.

Matt looks up at me, tears threatening to fall.

"I'm so sorry." he whispered. "I've changed, I swear, so please can you forgive me?"

I scoff and laugh a little. "That's all you have to say?"

"I don't understand what you want from me. I said sorry, now get over it. It was only a little teasing it wasn't that bad," he says, getting a little upset.

"This was a mistake I should've never came here," | started to get up from the couch to walk away before Matt grabbed my hand, making me turn to him.

"I had a crush on you," he starts, tears now streaming down his cheeks. I pause before sitting back down. "My old friends bullied me for it.. I was scared to lose you as a friend if I told you and I was scared to lose my other friends too,"

He pauses briefly.

"It was easier to make myself hate you than to love you. I was so scared,"

I started to laugh. Matt looked at me confused and hurt.

"You did all that because you liked me?? What a fucking pathetic excuse," | pause before starting again. "Do you know how much torture you put me through?"

Matt shakes his head. "Tell me,"

"If you insist. So every day of senior year I was so fucking terrified to go to school. I was waiting for you to say something,"

Matt remains quiet.

"Your little comments about my appearance and the backhanded jokes put me through hell.

You put me through hell. If it wasn't enough that I was already depressed, you made it worse,"

"I- I.. don't know what to say."

"I was making myself bleed because I thought I deserved it. Starving myself so I could be skinnier. You did that, Matt,” I continue.

"Y/n.. I never knew... oh my god." he runs his fingers through his hair, now clearly sobbing.

"I wanted to die. I almost died once." I whisper softly. I wipe away a few stray tears.

Matt looks up at me with huge eyes and tears streaming down his face. "Please forgive me... I can't handle knowing that I did that to you. I'm so fucking sorry y/n/n,"

He moves closer, trying to wrap his arms around me. "Matt.." my bottom lip quivers.

"Please... i'm begging. I n-need you.. I- i- can't," he sobs, burying his head into my upper chest and neck.

I softly stroke his hair as Matt grips my shirt, wanting to be as close as possible. I start to cry as well.

Matt caused me so much pain and suffering. I wanted to forgive him so bad but I just can't let him back in.

"I'm so sorry, i'm so sorry, please... I love you.." he begs.

My heart practically shatters at his pleading.

He is so miserable and he needs me.

"Matt... look at me." I tilt his chin up. He looks up with huge bleary eyes, looking for reassurance.

"We were kids... Maybe you aren't a bad person, just a confused teenager." I pause to collect my thoughts.

I wipe my eyes before starting again. "But so was I, and I didn't deserve any of that."

Matt is silent for a moment, taking everything in.

"W-what are you saying...?" his voice breaks.

"I.... I can't forgive you, Matt. Not now... I'll be in your life but I can't forgive you," I sob, finally letting all my emotions out.

Matt just buries his head back into my chest, sobbing even harder than before.

I lean back into the couch now laying us down, sobbing in each other's arms.

This broke us. We loved each other so much.

We knew that we were soulmates in this and every other universe.

Maybe in another lifetime we were meant to be together.

hopefully i did this justice! i did recycle this from and old fic so it may be rusty. feedback is welcome!!

also: this is all fiction and does not depict real life events and any similarities are not intentional.

tags: @bernardsbendystraws

[serenewrote]

Purely Platonic ~ Harry Collett x poc! non-binary! reader

THIS MANNNNN! If only we were seahorses…

Synopsis: You and Harry are co-stars in an upcoming film called ‘Swords & Spirits’. Due to your close nature, everyone wants to know if there’s romance in the air. (I gave the characters their own names because it would hard for me to keep track otherwise)

Rating: M

Warning(s): swearing, one sexual remark

Y/n L/n and Harry Collett answer the Web’s Most Searched Questions | WIRED

“Hi, I’m Harry Collett.”

“I’m Y/n L/n."

"And this is the WIRED Autocomplete Interview!"

The staff handed Harry a board that was done up to look like google.

"Ok! Here we go. Is Y/n L/n married?"

You giggle at the question, "Damn. I knew that was gonna be a question."

Harry looked at you and then down at the board, confused. "Why is that a question?"

"I'm about to answer that. Ok, I am not married. I just wear a ring on my ring finger because I am very much a rebel. One time during a get together with my family when I was 16, I believe, my aunt had told me to switch my ring onto my middle finger because I wasn't married. I had thought about it a bit after she said that and I realized that I didn't give a fuck about marriage and I still don't. So, that's why people think I'm married and why I wear a ring on my ring finger."

Harry laughs and grabs your hand to show the camera, "It's a beautiful ring."

"Yep. Straight from the Game Of Thrones x Pandora collection, courtesy of this one right here."

You ruffle his hair.

"Next question. Is Y/n L/n in Bridgerton? Ooh, are you?"

"I.... am not. I'm not in Bridgerton, but I am a big fan of the show. Next question, please."

"Is Y/n L/n and Harry Collett in Swords & Spirits?"

"Yes we are. I play Z Andreas."

"And I play Icarus Kennedy."

"Are Y/n L/n and Harry Collett... dating?"

"Dating someone or just dating?"

"Just dating."

"No. We are not dating. Just friends. I don't believe I can go past that with him."

"Someone needs to snatch you up."

"I don't wanna be snatched up. I wanna be d*cked down."

You wink at Harry, and then at the camera.

"When did Y/n L/n start acting?"

"Earlier this year." You start laughing, "Literally just this yearrrr!"

"In what?"

"Doctor Who."

"Oh yeah. I think that's the only reason I watch now."

"Awww, Harry! So sweet. Sweet boy."

"Next question! Who did Y/n L/n play in Doctor Who?"

"I played and still play Jenny Smith aka the Doctor's daughter. Georgia Tennant, I fucking love you. Tell your son to stop calling me during interviews."

You pull your phone out of your pocket to show that Ty was calling you.

"Decline."

"That's all of them. Do I just put it down or...?"

"I've seen these videos. They throw it."

Harry throws the board on the ground.

"Next one please."

The staff hands you the board this time.

"Is Harry Collett. Is Harry Collett... Jacaerys Velaryon?"

"Yes. I play Jacaerys Velaryon in House of the Dragon. Watch it on HBO Max."

"The rightful heir. The future king. Handsome boy."

"Thank you. Thank you for your gracious praise."

"Is Harry Collett. Is Harry Collett... engaged to Y/n L/n? Oh my god!"

"No. Unfortunately, I am not engaged to the amazing Y/n L/n. Although, they are a catch. Why are people searching for this?"

"You know what, I think it's because I visited you a lot during filming. I remember I saw this tweet, I think, on my way to Spain. You were filming for House of the Dragon. I saw it and it said "Harry is such a d-tier fiancé cause Y/n wears their ring all the time in Doctor Who and we never see Harry's ring." I laughed for like 2 minutes straight."

"Yeah, you sent me that. I read the, like, the replies to it and one was like umm, "maybe because they aren't [redacted] married, you delusional [redacted]. Stop, you do this all the [redacted] time." I laughed, admittedly."

"Damnnn."

"Right? Overall, Y/n L/n is an amazing person. They are funny, smart, talented, all of the above but, what we have is purely platonic."

"Yes, purely platonic."

fin.

love this man from ♾️ to ♾️!!!!!

[lovelyo]

You Can’t Spell Polin Without Colin

Let me be clear. This ain’t a Colin appreciation post. Colin is an entitled, selfish dweeb but even I can see from his POV.

And somehow the Polin fans who swear up and down they love him can’t.

“Colin is a bitch boy”

“Colin stayed mad at Penelope for too long”

“Where’s supportive husband Colin? Where’s Colin “My Wife” Bridgerton?”

“He just needs to forgive her already, get over it!”

This is gonna be a long one.

“Colin is a bitch boy”

That’s a perfect way to invalidate a man’s feelings. Let’s rage about misogyny but talk shit about guys who has feelings 😒. How is he a bitch boy for being upset at someone he loves for lying to him for years, even before they came intimate and when they were just friends.

He was open and transparent with Penelope every step of the way, bared his heart to her, was vulnerable with her and was happy to see that what he wanted was right there in front of him… only for him to find out she’s LW, the person who has been dunking on him and his family, LW whom he loathed. He cried ffs when he found out. The reason that hurt the most wasn’t that she was LW, it’s that she lied to him. She didn't spare a thought that he needed to know about such secrecy i.e, not giving a shit about his feelings. It mirrored exactly what Marina did. (On top of that, he realized that it was her that sent Marina to her doom) She didn’t reciprocate that same vulnerability he did for her and by the end of the season, still chose LW over him and he just had to sit there and take it.

You wanna talk about men not giving a shit about women’s feelings but it’s alright for women to do the same for men in the name of “girlbossing” 🤢

Colin in 2 weeks simmered down about the hurt Penelope has caused him while it took Penelope several months to get over one comment he said about her, which isn’t even detrimental because COLIN DOESN’T OWE PENELOPE A GODDAMN THING! You can’t get mad at someone who doesn’t want to date you. Who do you think you are to even believe you have a claim to someone like they’re a possession. She ghosted him for months over this while he had and did get over lies, shame, and betrayal in, again, a small amount of time. Who’s the bigger whiny bitch?

“Colin stayed mad at Penelope for too long”

Staying mad for too long? He didn’t stay mad long enough! Please contextualize. This man has been in scheming scandals with the Featherington family since season 1 lol. People are forgetting the trauma that he got from the pregnancy scandal, mainly the embarrassment from it being exposed by LW and having the whole ton know his business, which is humiliating as fuck and made him look like a fool(this is why I keep telling you ding dongs to stop saying LW saved the Bridgertons, she did not!) He had to null the engagement with the diamond of the season.

The start of his hatred for LW started from season 1. Colin told Penelope that she should’ve told him to his face about the pregnancy.

“Aschually 🤓☝️, she did try.”

Actually, she did not.

She tried to hint that Marina was still in love with a soldier, not “hey, the misses you trying to spit game at is preggo.” So his friend, knowing this info, instead of telling him the proper information privately to his face as a fricking friend should, printed out his business.

And let’s play devil’s advocate. Ok, Pen told Colin about the pregnancy and Colin didn’t listen. In the same season, we saw Violet do damage control and spinning the rumor windmill to help her daughter get the fuck away from Berbrooke. Penelope knows how supportive and protective the Bridgertons are with each other and also knows how much they like her since she’s friends with Eloise and Colin. Violet would’ve definitely listened, told Colin, and stirred something up to aid the situation.

But nah.

So that happened plus before that scandal came out, LW mocked Daphne for her lack of suitors and said Marina was incomparable, not Daphne. And then the Eloise scandal, all because of LW. Three Bridgertons struck. Even Season 3, LW talked shit about Colin being fake, so Penelope embarrassed him in front of the ton twice. And of course, she had an excuse, “I just wanted the old Colin back!” So you embarrassing him in front of the ton was gonna make him sweet and kind again? 😬

The woman he loves belittled him twice and clearly stands by it 'cause she’s not giving up LW, just not writing it under anonymity. 'So imma acknowledge that I hurt you, the person I love, but I’m not gonna do anything to fix it, but I want you to still support and love me, regardless of what I do,' is essentially what she's saying.

What utter shit, and then we got Pen stans/Polin fans: “Stfu Colin, your angst is ruining my fantasy ship, go kiss, finger, and fuck Penelope already.”

Oh Christ. It’s like whoever doesn’t cater to Penelope deserves the noose.

“Where’s supportive husband Colin? Where’s Colin “My Wife” Bridgerton?”

Where’s supportive wife Penelope? Where’s Penelope “I Love You” Bridgerton? She has declared her love but hasn't really shown it throughout season 3. Show > Tell. Action > Words. With the lies told to him from past to current, this guy undoubtedly has trust issues. How can he believe her? We the viewers saw Pen Hilton pining after Colin through season 1 & 2, but Colin himself doesn't know that she liked him before then. He even said that he thought she wouldn't feel the same about him as he did about her. So when the feeling is finally mutual, Penelope just doesn't do much. It's like she tells him, "I love you" just so he can shut his fucking piehole.

We've seen, despite Colin being upset, him still loving her, wanting her and working through the pain so he can look at Penelope and not immediately think of LW.

"B-B-But, uh, the entrapment comment was too harsh!"

First off, you people act like you have never said mean things to someone out of anger during a fight.

Second, like how you guys say LW is harsh but tells the truth(which is a complete lie, but nothing surprises me anymore with this fandom) that comment was harsh, but he told the truth. She did trap him. While he did ruin her previous proposal, he did chase down her carriage, but right after he proposed, she blabbed to the whole ton the next morning about the engagement(this showed how much the Bridgertons are morons, but I digress). If anything happened, it’d be hard for him to back out without everyone knowing and questioning his honor. It’d be his second time cutting off an engagement and it’d be his 3rd time being humiliated.

He asked if she wanted to be intimate, she immediately said yes. Eloise told her to tell him even before they had sex, but she didn't. Penelope knew Colin hated LW but still agreed to sex before she told him. She didn't even tell him, he had to found out tailing her carriage! So screw you freaks, that comment was well needed for her ass. As said before, Colin has been duped by the Featherington family so him lashing out and saying that is him telling her, 'Prove to me you're not like Marina." (She isn't. She's worse).

"Book!Colin was more supportive!"

Of course he was; LW didn't hurt him, his family, or anyone else. LW wasn't vicious like she is in the show. When Book!Colin found out about LW, him and Penelope were still friends, they weren't engaged, they didn't have sex; Book!Colin didn't hate LW. He was just jelly that Penelope made a legacy own her and he was there still purposeless at age 33(something the show tried to emulate but fell flat in a pile of horse shit). The situation in the show is way worse than what it was in the book. Book!Colin would hate Show!Penelope.

Where was Penelope's support when she saw that he was emotionally damaged by the LW reveal? Where were her attempts to mend the drift when she saw that he wouldn't sleep with her in their marital bed? Where was the comfort when she saw him lying on the couch, mentally worn out? She just passed by him and even suggested leaving in separate carriages. She did not support him when he was at his lowest, his own wife. Now if the show showed Penelope trying to talk to Colin and comfort him and he responded, "Give me more time.”, then fine.

But that didn't happen. He had to be the one to fix the relationship when she was the reason he was depressed. He never considered giving up on her, clearly with him still marrying her and sleeping on the couch they screwed on right outside their room door where he could’ve slept in another room in that huge ass house. He wanted her to try and reconcile but Penelope gave him nothing.

But he’s being too sulky and not supportive enough though Penelope ain’t returning the favor.

We get drowned with LW drama with the Polin fans admonishing Colin for not being a proper pet to Penelope.

Isn't this show named Bridgerton? What in the fresh hell?

He chose her over his own pride, pain and emotions. Penelope didn't do the same but people want to act like Colin isn't supportive or barely supported her, when in a relationship, it goes both ways. His purpose shouldn't be to prop up Penelope but that's what the show limits him to, F his feelings, f his mental health, girlboss Penelope deserves her man and her HEA as if he's a reward or a consolation prize, not a person deeply hurt by someone he thought he knew.

“He just needs to forgive her already, get over it!”

Y'all are trash for this. After all what Penelope has done to him, you want him to get over it so quick so you can have more cringe romantic scenes and soulless sex scenes. It took Eloise a year to forgive Penelope(and it happened in the dumbest fashion, but that's another can of worms). Just because they're together doesn't mean a speedy recovery. Actually it's worse 'cause they are together. He even told Eloise that she’s lucky she’s never been in love; it hurt that much.

The fact he chose to stay is already a big step of him getting over it, but that’s not enough it seems. You want him to get over the hurt she did to him, the lies, the loss of his own agency ‘cause like it or not, Colin still wanted to marry Marina even after knowing the truth but Penelope took away his decision to ensure his availability for her. She embarrassed his family a good number of times. But hey, get over it Colin.

He’s second when it comes to Penelope. He asked this beotch to give up the gossip column, a thing that caused him and others pain throughout the years, to be with him, forget the past and start their new life together. Nope, she chose her career. LW is power and she still wants that manipulative power so take the L from your wife Colin. Her ego won the day, not their love; Penelope is Colin’s first. LW is Penelope’s first, get over it Colin. It’s harsh af knowing you’ll never be first in the heart of the woman that you love.

If anyone needs to get over anything, it’s Penelope. She should’ve been got over Colin’s comment, now stew in her own shit for months; she’s not entitled to his feelings. She should’ve gotten over the damn gossip column that does more harm than good ‘cause if she’s such a great writer, then explore other avenues of writing. You’re already established, it’ll be nothing of you for your works to become popular since the ton already knows you’re a great writer.

The damage for Colin is deep but he must get over it to be the cushion for Penelope, for him to be in the shadows so Penelope can take all the shine ‘cause “feminism woo hoo!” She’s a career woman and Colin’s purpose is just to love Penelope and nothing more.

Penelope, Penelope, Penelope, it’s all about Penelope.

Their relationship shouldn't be imbalanced like it is. The ship is called POLIN. Colin is just as important as Penelope, but the show and even the fans don’t treat it as such. He’s turned to some irrelevant sidekick who’s an accessory for Penelope and his purpose: well of course it is Penelope.

The show made him publish his journals at the end to be like “see look, he does have a purpose of his own!”, though we rarely saw a lead up to that. It’s addressed once, the LW drama comes in, that part of him is buried until the final episode where it’s framed that his anger was jealousy all along, not him having a vendetta against LW for harming him and his loved ones.

Bullshit on top of bullshit.

Yeah, maybe he should’ve went up there and stood with her when she was giving her god awful speech, but his ‘If my only purpose in life is to love a woman as great as you’ toxic feminism speech would’ve just dulled it. Plus, I don’t think people know how abusive that speech is.

They should’ve stood together, Queen deus ex machina gives her pardon, and then he gives her a speech about how the wound is still there but he knows it’ll heal, to be honest with each other going forward, to put the past to rest and continue on into the future, hand in hand as Mr and Mrs. Bridgerton. Cringe, but at least love is the focus. Him being the man behind the woman instead of the man beside the woman undermined their love story and undermined the ridiculous feminism narrative too, sacrificing the equality aspect of both of it.

I’m just ranting at this point but anyway, this ain’t the Penelope show. Give Colin some fucking grace like you do your Mary Sue.

[wam0109]

Is it too much to fucking ask for my fucking game to function?

[thefishdeath]

Just. finished fallout. normal.

[dying-suffering-french-stalkers]

there is truly nothing i hate more on this earth than being asked to provide a cover letter and references

[w1tchybusiness]

i could write a 100 page essay about what a fucking masterpiece warframe is. i will write many words in the tags. please readem if you want my 'tism.

[eggbagelz]

gale voice here feel the pulse of the magic in my heart that will eventually be the end of me. im on my knees before you like an animal showing its belly. im in excrutiating pain bc of the contact with the magic in my heart but please dont take your hand away please dont stop touching me

[hamable]

Need low stakes DLC Psychonauts 2 levels in, at this point, anyone’s mind. Fuck shit up and kick ass in the interns brains? Hell yeah. Otto? Sasha round 2? Milla round 2? ANY Aquato? I’d eat it up om nom nom. I’m begging. As a treat for me please.

[kagedbird]

Boy is it ever increasingly distressing to be going into a hotel again, in a known seedier district, alone again, as if the last time I was in this situation wasn't enough.

I'm just begging no one tries to get into my room this time. Please, I cannot deal with that again.

[raveartts]

So I got this game on the release day,,,,,i just finished it ;_;