#I KNOW ITS BEEN ALMOST A YEAR SINCE I WROTE IT BUT IT BLOWS MY MIND THAT PEOPLE DONT REMEMBER THAT WHOLE SAGA

[fangbangerghoul]

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Tagged the other day by @roguishcat Sorry this is so late I turned off my notifications at the start of my semester. I've been really stressed lately.

When did you start writing?

Kindergarten. Jk. Um...fanfiction? 2007/08? It was personal writing with a friend in a bunch of notebooks. Didn't start posting till 2022 when The Batman came out. (dont look into this fact)

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I almost exclusively read Vampire/fantasy Romance. So, there is a difference. There have been a few books outside of that category I tackle but its normally related to my college work. I do think those horror/goth themes seep into my writing.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I do not think my writing has been compared to any other writing, at least not to me directly. I do really love the world building Charlaine Harris created. It is so lovely and to be able to write such an addicting 13 book series is something I hope to achieve as well.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I'm lazy so here's a picture:

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

It used to be absorbing other content by other artists but lately I couldn't tell you. I've been considering quitting writing for some time because I just don't enjoy it as much as I was.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Yes, angry violent woman. No it does not surprise me. There have been some themes of sexual assault and abandonment. Also doesn't surprise me.

What is your reason for writing?

Community. When I started writing in 2007/08 it was with a friend and the comradery filled a need I didn't have. I started again last year and found some community. It was great for the time being. Now I am not sure. I know most people say you should write for yourself but being a depressed person since the age of 9 it hard to center yourself like that. Another reason I am thinking about just quitting for some time at least till I find that spark again or reason.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

When the parts I had the most fun writing get complimented. I also appreciate the comments that pull favorite quotes. They are really wholesome and make me feel like my writing is appreciated.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I am okay with being the writer of the story that lives rent free in the back of your mind because it had such a mind-blowing event. Or maybe just a story that is thought of fondly occasionally.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Perhaps character psychology?

How do you feel about your own writing?

Right now, I am not my biggest fan but that's okay. I really wish I had a more poetic approach to writing or at least better with descriptions. I worry sometimes my writing is all events and no emotion.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Though my reason for writing is community at the end of the day when I can write I try to focus on stories I will enjoy or need to get off my chest. There have been a few fics in the past I wrote solely for mutuals, and I do not mind doing that because it brings me a lot of joy to create for others.

(I know some of the answers may have sounded a little sad. I want to clarify I am not looking for sympathy this is just truly how I feel at the time being and that is okay. I am okay with it.)

Tagging with no obligation:

@bearlytolerant @interplanet--janet @staticpallour @lisa-and-shadow @therealgchu

@soloavengers @arisenreborn @dryad-of-the-dogwood @eridanidreams @kimberbohwrites

[arthur-lesters-balls]

geto suguru, gojo satoru, and fatalism

im here once again with a long rant that i didnt really bother to reread. if you squint you can see it as a jujutsu kaisen 0 analysis. theres a part where i talk about geto in what can be seen as someone presenting passive suicidal thoughts, but its neither heavy nor explicitly about that so. just warning.

lately ive been thinking a lot about geto being left alone to do whatever he wanted for 10 years because gojo, the only person strong enough to defeat him, simply never tracked him down. almost as a consequence, i eventually put this together with the fact that, even though yuta was the one who did the "difficult" part of defeating geto, gojo was the one to deliver the final blow

one of the first things geto said after seeing gojo in that alley was "to think you'd be the one here at my end", but lately, i cant help but think: wasnt that actually the most obvious end? was there ever any other option of closure for them? and ive been into the idea of stsg + tragedy (as a genre) since i wrote this post, so this somehow resulted in me looking at them with some kind of lazy fatalistic lens

i really like stories where the character tries to flee from an imminent tragedy, but always goes back to the same place, because that is his fate. and, to me, this is exactly what happened with gojo when he tried to avoid killing geto. he didnt go after him, he spent 10 years standing still, believing the distance would be enough to run away from that moral duty

and then geto came back

and then geto went after gojo students. and then geto was the one who made their meeting happen. and then geto was the one who broke that barrier gojo had put up to avoid thinking about that unhealed wound. suddenly gojo was back to shinjuku, ten years ago, with geto saying that killing him or letting him go was his choice and that there would be a meaning to it

and i keep asking myself what was going on in his mind at that moment when geto appeared at jujutsu high? did he acknowledge that irony? did he acknowledge how that seemed like a bad joke being played on him? how long did it take for him to accept what that meant? was it in the classroom, after their talk, looking at the sunset and thinking about how they were actually quite similar to yuta and rika? changing the place of their conversation to the middle of the street, the same place where rika died her premature death? did he think about how they were also stuck at each other, cursed by love, and how the one who placed the curse must be the one to remove it? how, as said by the novel, the curse of geto suguru was a burden only he would be able to carry?

and this whole thing also made me think about geto. we know for a fact he thought that their friendship was over, that he wasnt someone gojo held dear anymore. we also know he thought gojo deserved to hate him, to curse him, to not take that last meeting of theirs and waste it treating him kindly so, to geto, what justified the fact that gojo never found him? i genuinely dont have a theory. im not even sure if i have a hypothesis that is in any way backed up by canon. but, what i can say almost for sure is that he never got it right. and him thinking gojo and him were best friends is proof of that

then the question thats left is: was geto ever aware of the tragic irony of his death by gojos hands? was dying by gojos hands ever a tragedy from his perspective? the way he never put up a fight against that possibility says otherwise. looking at his ideals, living a meaningless life seems a far more tragic thing for him. but wasnt that what he was doing already? doing his best for a goal he knew made no sense? whenever i think about geto saying he didnt expect gojo to be the one there at his end, i cant help but wonder: was that said in a positive way? was that a surprisingly satisfactory means to go? being killed by the person who cursed him and also the person he loved the most; to geto, was there a more meaningful death than that?

[dreamwatch]

Writers 20 questions tag game!!

Thank you to @devondespresso for the tag. The last time I did this I think I had barely written anything and had nothing up on AO3 so this is exciting to do again.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

11 and growing!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

18,891

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things. Steddie. Just Steddie. Because of the Steddie of it all. I wouldn't be opposed to branching out to some Edancy though.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm A Bad Boy For Breaking Her Heart; California I'm Coming Home; I Can Love You Better Than Him; I Tell You Folks, It's Harder Than It Looks; Only The Horses Can Bring Us Back Home

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! Now granted I have a couple outstanding to reply to from last week, but yes always because it genuinely amazes me that people take the time to do that. ❤️

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm... published I would say Brothers Keeper and/or Fight To Be Free, but they are wee ficlets and depends on your definition of angst I guess. Even thinking of my angstiest WIPs I'm not sure any of them have anything really sucky planned for the end. I'm all about the angst/pain/suffering and then a nice cup of cocoa and a cuddle for the final chapter.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

California I'm Coming Home. I think most of the published fics are pretty happy endings, but I think this one is the most fairytale almost. It's kind of an Oprah ending - Wayne gets a happy ending, and Eddie gets a happy ending, and Steve gets a happy ending! 😂

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far no. Hopefully never.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

*clutches rosary beads* Nope. I honestly can't imagine ever being able to write smut, I suspect its the deeply ingrained Catholic guilt. But never say never!

10. Do you write crossovers?

No.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I fucking hope not. Do you know how long it takes me to write this shit? I've been writing one fic since the beginning of 2023 and it's still not finished!!! 😂

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, not as far as I'm aware.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No... I like the theory of it, it sounds like it could be fun, but at the same time I don't understand the mechanics of it and I could see it ending in tears.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Gosh, this is har-- STEDDIE! IT'S STEDDIE!!!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

All of them? Positive thoughts, positive thoughts. I have snippets and pieces for three fics that I'm not sure will ever get finished; one was being referred to as Eddie and Dustin Do Hookers and Blow (it really wasn't like that, I promise!) - basically miserable Eddie suffering in a shitty apartment in the city and Dustin rocking up and being all 'I've had no life experiences, my friends are all living their best life, I don't want to go to college - take me out for a wild night!'. Hilarity ensues etc. Likely will never get finished and I'll probably strip it for parts.

The other one was Eddie and Steve reconnect in the 90s. Eddie toured the country in his van for years, depressed and traumatised (hi, if you're a new reader I like to write Eddie as depressed and traumatised. All. Of. The. Time. You're welcome). He eventually settles down, becomes a nurse (Nurse Eddie truther!) and runs into Steve. Hilarity ensues. Or, they fall in love anyway. But yeah, realistically never getting finished.

The last one was an aftermath/recovery fic. I have about 7k words for this. This was my first stab at fanfic in about 15 years and it shows! I bit off more than I could chew and was taking it in too many directions. As it stands it will never be finished but there is a nugget of a story in there that I still want to tell. It's mostly medical whump before the loving and romance. Might just stay as a little mind movie for myself to re-run over and over.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Uhh... I think I have good ideas, and I like to take ideas and flip them. For example - Steve has bad parents. Well, what if they're nice? Um. Can't really think of anything else.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

What's the max word count for a post on Tumblr? Lol, joking. Run on sentences, like ruuuuuuuuuuuun on. Too many commas. Too many elipses. I am way too slow because I read too much fic so nothing gets finished. I cannot write connecting action for shit. I can give you dialogue. I can give you internal monologues for days. I cannot connect the two. Annoys the shit out of me. Also I can be super light on description sometimes, and I think it's because I write for myself that I forget other people need to see what I can see! Also giving my fics stupidly long titles which is really annoying when you have to keep them typing them out.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't think I would be comfortable doing it because I know I would get it wrong. Sometimes it really throws me in a fic and I have to run off to google translate or scoot up and down to the authors notes to decipher whats being said. Which is fine if its a one off but I've read whole conversations like that in fics and nope. Back button is calling my name. Tricky to pull off well I think.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The A Team. I was shit and nothing got published and we should all be very pleased about that.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Oooh, tricky. California I'm Coming Home and Only The Horses. Oh and I Can Love You Better Than Him I think. I love the idea of Eddie being rescued by Steve. Not going to count the WIPs because they would trump everything! I love them!

Crikey that was fun! As always, no pressure tags -

@cchapsticck @occasionaloverboy @thisapplepielife @loudsnapdragon @hitlikehammers @postmodernau @soaringornithopter @lingeringmirth @devilyouwere

[witch-sweets]

WHAT HAVE I DONE? I JUST WROTE A SUPER LONG FIC ABOUT QUEEN VANESSA THATS WHAT!

And it's a songfic

Also technically a horror fic because people die and stuff gets spooky

Please read the warnings in the tags before you read they are very serious

Killer Queen

"Earth to Crown boy!" The Prince snapped out of his thoughts "Sorry Lune!" "we have a test to do focus!" Right! he had completely forgotten. he was in the middle of studying the divorce process this was important! a smug smile appeared on his blue haired classmate. "your thinking about her aren't you~" Lune teased "how can i not!" "here we go again-" "she has beautiful silky blonde hair, she has eyes that shine like rubies, she is kind to all her subjects, her crown always sparkles-" "ok i get it your madly in love with her! some people aren't as lucky as you to score a literal queen!" "i mean she wasn't always a queen. i knew her before then infact! Ive know her for years." "If so then has she always been lovey-dovey around you?" The Prince looked at his classmate in confusion "what do you mean?" "its obvious she more head over heels than you are! it almost freaks me out how insanely in love she is!" he shifted his eyes away from Lune "i mean i guess shes always been like this even though i was the one to confess..." Lune looked at him with concern "just be careful ok? set boundaries, make sure she doesn't interfere with your life and your goals." "ok..."

"Princess ive returned!" the halls were silent claws marking the corridor. "i brought you flowers..." he said his voice unsure. "i thought you loved me!" even when she was upset there was still an air of elegance to her-wait upset? why was she upset? "my love what are you talking about?" he was confused to say the least. "YOU WERE HOLDING HANDS WITH HER!" "m-my love i dont know what your taking about how about we dicuss it over some tea?" "TEA WONT FIX YOUR TREACHERY!" he stepped back. ok maybe she was more upset then he thought but why? what did he do... "i understand your upset Nessa how about you explain what i did wrong-" an icicle shot up from the floor nearly impaling his chest right where his heart would be. "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID! YOU WERE WITH HER!" who was she talking about? "N-Nessa please lets try to handle this maturely-" he felt ice cold claws swipe across his cheek. there she was staring straight through his soul with gleaming ruby red eyes, her crown glittering against the ice haphazardly spread across the walls. "N-Nessa p-please?" "GUARDS! LOCK HIM AWAY I NEVER WANT TO SEE HIS TRAITOROUS FACE AGAIN!!!"

"Nessa PLEASE!" his screams were fruitless. tears began to trickle down his cheeks. He couldn't believe he fell for her-her perfect face, and sweet demeanor, and-and her crowns, and her manor, and those ruby red eyes! wait... no stay positive this will all blow over right? right. she would release him and apologize for her actions and they would hold hands under the moonlight and everything would be ok! right? YES! STOP DOUBTING! she didn't mean any of the things she said they had fights before and it always turned out ok! it was getting colder by the minute. it was spring though? unless she froze the entire manor in anger which he absolutely believed she would-wait no he didn't she was better than this... wasn't she? his thought flipped between blaming Vanessa and blaming himself to the point where he didn't know who's fault it was anymore. "VANESSA PLEASE CAN WE WORK THIS OUT?" it had been 2 years since he called her name but the situation was desperate enough to warrant it... it had been 1day and the dread was finally setting in... He wasn't getting out he was going to die down here but that didn't stop him from begging until his throat was sore and all he could do was cry. 4 days passed and he couldn't cry anymore all he could do was remain as he was until death claimed him... he had lost all hope. the 5th day exhaustion finally set in as the cold lulled him to sleep... for the rest of eternity.

it was a calm spring day in the village. Ivy had just sold some flowers to Prince and everything was normal... until it started snowing. the residents were confused. wasn't it the middle of spring? as the snow continued to fall a dark shadow set over the village. the storm started small beginning as a strange but tame snowfall but as time moved on the winds slowly grew intense and the snow soon flurried to the point it was hard to see, the wind so rapid it could blow away a small animal with ease. and then the ice began to appear. spiking out of the ground nearly impaling several villagers. as it spread throughout the village blocking any possible exits. and in that moment all HELL broke lose. The ice began to encase people everyone running in fear from the crystals cold grasp but it was futile as more and more people were encased in an icy demise. screams echoed through the woods as everyone ran and panicked in fear. until SHE showed up... a shadowy figure with tangled hair black as the void, long claws tipped with frost, and ruby red eyes gleaming with malice. deranged laughter rang throughout the land as more and more villagers were frozen solid. children crying, adults praying to whatever god was out there for mercy, people hiding anywhere they could all in futile attempt to escape the fate that awaited them. once the last child was frozen the Queen let out a mad cackle as she returned to her manor... the woods were quiet once more...

Hat Kid had no idea what she was getting into. the cold wasteland greeted her. It was nothing like the rest of the woods to the point she was unsure of her choice don't get her wrong she did NOT want to touch an outhouse but at he same time the icy graveyard that awaited her wasn't a very good alternative. as she approached the manor she could feel eyes on her but she didn't know where. there were those weird shaped ice spikes coming from the ground but they were just ice... right? walking through the cellar was nauseating she could barely stand. she heard voices from all around her. desperate screams for someone named Vanessa to come back and when the screams ceased she heard familiar laughter ring out from all around her. she plugged her ears but i did nothing to cease the manic echoey laughs. once she crawled out of the cellar she managed to stand back up and shamble towards a door strange whispering surrounding her as she limped. "WHOS THERE WHO DARES ENTER MY HOME!" she fell onto her back as the floor began to shake and a blinding red glare filled her vision. she tried to stand but she couldn't. a large shadowy figure lunged at her grabbing her by her neck and slamming her against a wall. ice began to creep around her as she screamed for someone-ANYONE to help her! but it was no use... she stared the monster in its ruby red eyes right before shutting them. she didn't want the last thing she saw to be a monster. The ice creeped further and further up her neck. she just wanted it to be over already she BEGGED for it to be over soon. she felt drowsy she could barely stay awake... it was too cold.

"should've seen her back in the day kid! like dynamite with a laserbeam!" the spirit taunted her. she was already having a hard time avoiding the security penguins. "WHO? WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IM KINDA BUSY RIGHT NOW!" she leaped across sandbags and rolled onto to next platform "oh nobody of importance i thought you knew that kid?" she didn't admit it but she did know who he was talking about. he was talking about the The ice reaper, The Ruler who snapped... The Killer Queen...

[aspiring-artist-em]

get to know better tag

thank you @achilleslikespeas!! you're so so amazing omg- anyhoo

three ships: wolfstar, ineffable husbands (someone pls talk to me about good omens I literally can NOT rn), drarry

first ship: drarry, it’s a tried and true ship for me, ive been shipping it since I was like, a child  (literally flashback to me at like, 7 years old telling my mom that harry and Draco should get over each other and buy a castle and live together forever as a happy couple (parents were not happy that their daughter was saying this (they were homophobic( (im now gay and still shipping it so suck it, ig)))

last song: I would love to lie and say its something cool like “killer queen” or “lady stardust” bc I listen to those a lot, but once again, I would be lying and my actual last song that I listened to was “no hands (ft. Roscoe dash and wale)”, yk, the frat party song, I like to play it while writing angst

last movie: Harry Potter? idk what one, I like to put the tv on while I do stuff like budget money and write fanfic and draw, so honestly idk, it was probably the chamber of secrets, that and poa are my all time favs 

currently reading: ur mom LMAO (im so sorry) no, what im reading is smut, and also like, a good omens fic about Crowley’s fall (witness the fall) bc im trying to forget about season 2′s ending. im also reading away childish things (again) bc like, that's one of my fav drarry fics of all time. if we’re talking about marauders fics, it was probably her body is a temple down in the frozen food aisle  by achilleslikespeas, both for my emotional masochistic enjoyment and bc I wanted to draw a scene in the story (go read it now pls, its really good, Claude is really good a writing and im freaking out bc I wanna draw a scene from every single one of their fics I- like go-to horror dead dove fics for me I reccomend Claude and for smut I go to moonie), if we’re talking books books, Ive been reading yellowface and I am a cat which so far, are really really good, but also like, im really bad at reading so like, I haven't actually touched them in a week LMAO

currently watching: good omens, its playing on my tv in the background both because I love it and also because Neil said if u stream it enough amazon will see how valuable it is (with the strike and everything) and like, actually be willing to negotiate, essentially, help out the strike, go watch gay celestial beings 

last thing i wrote: 'Til Death Do Us Part, and Even Then, I'll Do My Best to Stay With You, its a dead dove fic centering around grief and denial, uh, 2 chapters in lol

currently writing: I have like, a million wips and no motivation to write rn so lets dive into them lol

1) chapter 3 of do death do us part, very sad, like, maybe 3 sentences in?

2) the next part of my lesbian wolf star series, its the one right before the trail one, so like, part 10 is gonna be another chapter centering more around Sirius’s memories and part 11 is gonna be the trial, I have like, 2 separate things ive written for it and I need to decide where I want it to go tbh

3) smut, gay wolf star, frat hazing blow or blow smut. sirius is on his knees and almost throws up but he doesn't and its lowkey like actually non con but its also frat hazing, like, idk how to explain the vibes but sirius is referred to as a dog and a filthy animal and degraded and he's sucking remus’s dick on coke and im like 2k words in and like, running out of ways to describe a cock lol (its also hard to bc like, I don't have a dick and my textbooks are no help sometimes) but he is also called the “pike puppy” and like, I think im smart for that and also its really filthy ngl, not a happy ending?

4) a short fluff fic to make up for the angst I put my readers through, im like 200 words in

5) au kinda thing, inspired by don't worry darling and like a TikTok that I saw (and now people are commenting on me commenting if I can write the idea and asking for the fic name and like, Im 500 words in? pls I need time), the idea is that Dumbledore has everyone under imperio or a potion to get them on his side to fight for him, lily’s pov, I really like it so far, uhh im like 500 words in I think?

so yeah, when I get inspiration im gonna write everything all at once lol, probably when my body isn't trying to kill me lmao or im at work

tagging: @spookymoonie @pinklume @wxlfstxrisbest @spindrifters @siriuslystargazing @siriusly-sapphic @green-lights-33

[kithcrafts]

Now for something completely different. Below the cut is a bit of ADHD poetry I mostly wrote a few years ago, found in my documents folder recently, still liked it, and gave an editing pass. There's a cut because of the format: it's a single sentence composed of more than two thousand (>2000) (2K+) words. Tumblr has compelled me to break it into several text blocks due to some character limit, but it's meant to be continuous.

If you like this sort of nonsense and want to see more, let me know!

Blueberry Muffins

Neither do I recall what compelled me to purchase an extra large blueberry bran muffin (now deceased) from that one little store on the southwest corner of the Center Square where, sitting in the slightly grimy window I would sometimes see a tiny and exceedingly creepy porcelain doll with bright, too-real eyes that seemed to follow you down the road long after you passed the place itself and that had you looking over your shoulder to see if the doll might somehow be back there with some sharp object stolen from the bakery in a fit of kleptomaniacal murderous intent, that object chosen for the particular way the light dripped in silvery darts from the steel blade and trickle glittering down the streets like liquid violence made solid and dangerous by the hellish forges beneath the land of Quilt where the flaming flamingo people carry strange luminous orbs that some rumors say hold their most precious memories but others claim are just another kind of weird folksy decoration with no real purpose except to establish the sort of communal identity that the Quiltish people so desperately needed after the last Textile War almost destroyed the entire country with those new Bass Drop weapons that came tumbling out of the bellies of the dreaded Duvetian planes,

plummeting thousands of feet through the smog-choked air before landing with a certain kind of thud that could vaporize any liquid water that happened to be close enough to get caught in the destructive radius determined by the size and volume of the device's "Drop Drivers", so called by the scientists who had the dubious privilege of naming the work that they never intended to be weaponized, of course, because no scientist ever wants to be responsible for a government gaining new destructive capabilities that they will invariably abuse by turning their shiny new weapons against some poor hapless group of people just because they have some philosophical disagreement or a piece of land they want or don't want or whatever motivates the enormous barely-conscious entities we carefully build out of the bones of ones that came before them and the ideals of the people whose descendants will eventually discover that the great machine created by their hallowed ancestors is now chewing them up wholesale and spitting out mindless corporate zombies with no creativity that operate not on rational thought or ingenuity or even instinct but only by playing back the pre-recorded programs that they have been carefully steeped in their entire lives like some perfect cup of tea (but horrible) but who will nevertheless eventually rise up to destroy that great machine, tearing its pieces cog from axle, mechanism from housing, and spring from escapement only to pack all those pieces up in neatly labeled little boxes and hide the boxes away in a cave somewhere on the west coast near the cliffs that catch the waves thrown by the uncaring ocean in the kind of weather where being out on the water is likely to result in the deaths of anybody unfortunate enough to have that sort of thing for a job since they couldn't get a safer job further inland like programming or data entry because all of those jobs were taken by the factory workers after the factories shut down when, after far too many generations had been exploited to exploit them, the mines finally dried up leaving only dust and cracked lives blowing in the wind like the leaves of the trees in the northern forest late in the fall after the colors have faded and the air has gone from pleasantly crisp to almost-painfully chill and dry enough that the moon and stars begin to stand out stark against the black sky like the bones left lying in the sun by the sanguine vultures that fly lazily though the sky day by day waiting for the sign of the flamboyant turquoise snail frog to appear writ in the sands of the place where the ruddy desert meets the golden beach to create an orange gradient like the one on the underside of the peach sitting in your grandmother's window because it wasn't ripe when she bought it and she thinks that putting it in the window well help even though so far it only seems to have attracted the fruit flies that plague every house from time to time regardless of whether or not there were any actually in the house before the fruit (that wasn't quite ripe anyway) came in on the backs of their riding sausages to conquer the sunbeams just so the cat is slightly less comfortable in the living room that is always just slightly cooler than she likes (owing to her tropical ancestry) so that she can never quite feel contented except when the sun spills onto the floor in splotches and shards stained to Technicolor brilliance by the glass of the window that was made to commemorate some long-forgotten event in the history of the old town where you grew up but can never go back to because of the entirely too personal way the people there treat you even though (and perhaps because) most of them haven't seen you since the day you graduated high school and left that place behind you - maybe forever - in the hopes of finding out who you are deep down inside where the squishy bits of your feelings (your hopes,

dreams, and fears) are keeping a constant vigil near that one closed door in the corner where the light has been burnt out for such a very long time and that now even the spiders have given up living in the borders between the light and the shadows, on those invisible lines where the dust motes wink in and out of visibility making you wonder briefly if it's really safe to breathe this obviously-polluted air if there's that much dust in it before you realize that you've been breathing it the whole time so it must be at least safe enough that you can live on it, unlike the sweet phosphorescent breezes that flow through the land of dreams whose effervescent vapors might draw you in with their spicy fragrances like fresh baked pineapple and piperine orange juice and trap you forever, not quite drowning you beneath the flowing waves of blue and yellow grasses on the hills behind the castle with those glistening banners whose threads come from the mysterious threadworm caverns beneath the lake on top of the mountain on the horizon to the west beyond the city of Baa'urg with the buildings whose roofs are tiled with a strange glittering stone that reflects the sun in three different colors depending on the angle of the light, and with the roads paved with a stone so black that light falls endlessly into it, warming it up so that even in the deepest part of the coldest winters the people never have to shovel the snow that instead simply melts away starting at any tiny bare spot of that wondrous road (which the people complain about so much in the summer) that happens to catch the light of the sun as it rises above the mountainous horizon bringing with it the strange music of the bird people whose fluting and trilling songs send cinnamon scented sounds along ancient and ancestral aerial avenues swirling and twisting the minds of some who hear them (or taste them with their ears, as it were) away from the subtle and carefully crafted dangers of their workaday working days and toward thoughts from wherein the mind swims swiftly among the stars and between the protons and becomes more vulnerable to other, even more insidious attacks from the many sources of psychic trauma that inhabit those worlds where such things prey on the innocent and unwary denizens who dare to wander out of their iridescent glass-domed cities and between the crystal spikes that in those places stand instead of the trees on other,

more verdant worlds, and that shine with their strange internal glows that seem so bright to look at but still somehow fail to illuminate even the nearest of the shadowed divots wherein dwell the mind eaters who lay in wait with their slime-covered tentacles so like those of the intelligent squishbeasts that inhabit the deeps of so many oceans on worlds lucky enough to have such life-giving expanses of water glistening on their surfaces instead of just barren rock or deep gas wells bubbling their own sort of life-giving poisons into the thick noxious atmospheres of those places, reminding many who see them of certain industrial processes that used to exist on their own worlds before their ancestors, recently or long ago, began to understand the interconnected nature of their environments and, often after much denial followed by eco-wars waged by the last of the great corporate governments those cultures would produce, finally took steps to correct only to find that much of the damage that had been done was irreversible (or would take many generations to repair) and that the only viable solution left was to scatter themselves to the stars (worlds like theirs being scarce enough that there were none close by) and take their chances in their smallish black-tipped ships where they would spend dozens of generations without contact from any other sentient lifeforms until they no longer resembled or even remembered their planet-bound progenitors or even those who had left on other ships, some of which had been destroyed and others captured when their particular shard of the unfortunate species-fracture encountered by chance a more hostile species among the endless voids of the universe, while a very lucky few found new worlds that would service their organic needs well enough to make a home with its own set of wonders and dangers, and yet others abandoned their organic bodies entirely choosing to become fully artificial so that over the years they could not only preserve and repair themselves better but improve on the technologies that now sustained and produced their minds in new and terrifying and amazing ways that eventually led to lifeforms entirely unlike any others the universe had ever produced before or ever would again despite its vast and undeterminable span, nor did the flowers in the grasses of that place produce any scent but instead bloomed in a most amazing array of colors and took advantage of the wind by changing their stems to vibrate with each passing breeze, producing sounds all up and down the frequency spectrum that sounded like a pleasant humming in a zephyr, but during a storm could sometimes take on a more banshee-like quality that the people told cautionary stories about to their children who, after many generations, learned to selectively breed new flowers that made specific notes that were more pleasing to listen to which gave rise to several new forms of music but caused the flies that the flowers had been depending on to pollinate to be much less effective leading to population crashes throughout that particular part of the food web until the flies (and two species of finch) were extinct and the flower came to rely exclusively on artificial pollination provided by the people who had changed the flowers in the first place because they could not bear to lose the "Music of the Buds" that had caused their culture to cohere into a post-technological utopia before ultimately dying out from uncorrectable genetic defects originally promoted by exposure to the pollen of those very same flowers and a dose of irony that could kill off an entire colony of elephants in just a bit more time than it takes for a leaf to fall to the ground from the lowest branch of the big tree on top of the hill next to the pond where those ducks played as the sun glinted off the water in diamond lancets toward the back wall of the shop next to the one that had that tiny doll that actually just wanted to be friends but was driven mad by being surrounded all day by those terrible blueberry muffins.

[campgender]

Why do you hate Neil Gaiman so much?

it’s important to know that like. i would think he sucked regardless but the depth & heat of my fury is absolutely a trauma response.

man builds a vile transmisogynistic homophobic birdhouse & paints it white. some people are like, hey, i like imagining what the inside of the birdhouse would be like, and for decades the man says no, it’s a birdhouse, you wouldn’t fit inside, and did i mention the outside, how it’s white? man posts a video of him building a different birdhouse—the blueprint’s been tweaked, but it’s still a birdhouse. still white. people praise man for how progressive & moving & profound & queer & liberatory the video of him building his mother-in-law suite is, how clever it was to paint all the rainbows in invisible ink. man either decides they’re right & buys the shit he’s selling or decides he has a lot more fun pretending they are. either way i’m looking at it like, y’all, that’s a birdhouse? it’s a white birdhouse. like, in my day i have loved some birdhouses, there’s a birdhouse or four in my yard right now, but stop telling me to go sleep in it? & everybody’s like mac, it’s a cottage, stop complaining that it’s raining & go inside, & also it’s actually rainbow because what we perceive as white is a combination of the whole spectrum of visible light. & i’m like it’s??? it’s a birdhouse??? i can’t fit????? until a couple weeks (months; years) ago he was telling everybody it was a birdhouse! & they’re like why are you cosplaying as the big bad wolf & blowing outside his house. whenever other people talk about it being a birdhouse man shows up to be like i’m sorry you can’t tell when things are cottages :( it must be hard for you to get home like that, never thinking buildings are big enough for your body :(

tyler glenn’s old instagram post is the only prayer i’ve had left for half a decade. the mormon church had just rescinded its 2015 policy that children of gay parents could not be baptized until they’d turned 18 and publicly renounced homosexuality. a good thing, right? but a furious and desperate night. We are not crumbs, he wrote, we must not accept crumbs. this isn’t anywhere near as evil as the church, nothing so serious as an immoral soul, but divine revelation always bends toward improving one’s reputation, and the author’s twitter is the word of God.

it scares me that someone can think a threat is well-meaning. leave the barbed wire wrapped around your own wrists if you want, but stop looking at me like that when i get the first aid kit. man kicks me in the teeth & calls it a handshake & i go all cornered animal when everybody believes him.

where’s that short story? no is yes. faggot is, pansy is, beating you up while asking about your boyfriend is, laughing laughing laughing at you is i love you, why won’t you believe i love you, i’m sorry you’re too broken to understand that i love you, give me another award.

man almost convinces me to accept crumbs. i mix his name with stomach acid every day since.

[lil-scout-precure]

Junior Eurovision 2023 detailed opinions before the show. Part 4 (final)

After three parts, we're finally here! The final part of my tier-ranked opinions of the Junior Eurovision 2023 songs before the big day at Sunday, November 26th! 12 songs were already covered, from the decent (in a good way) to the almost winner-alerts, with some personal wildcards in the middle. Now we are left with 4 of the 16 songs, these ones being the top of the top of my personal favorites! And days before the main show!

The opinions on these songs will be longer than the others, but it's just I have a lot to say about them! :D

Let's show the tier-chart reference one last time, shall we?

Tier 1: "Very nice of them to invite Junior Eurovision to their concert"

🇮🇪 Jessica McKean (featuring legend herself Sophie Lennon) "Aisling"

Ireland is one of those countries that somehow fail to get a good spot (or even a Grand Final spot itself) in adult Eurovision, something strange knowing they won 7 times before the 2000's (and now Sweden ties them); but when they play in the Junior version, they get better placings (if not Top 5) compared to their adult counterparts (Poland and Georgia are another examples, with the first either giving decent masterpieces or the worse things to ever touch adult Eurovision soil for their JESC counterparts to surpass, and the latter with more undeserved low places/NQs than the previous one *cough, cough, Iru Khechanovi* and having their JESC counterparts to avenge them). And recently, it looks like their JESC broadcaster had been making a better job with a trio of Celtic songs than their ESC broadcaster's elections.

After the marvelous and eye-catching song that was Sophie Lennon's "Solas" in Yerevan that got a 4th place behind Mariam, Nare and Lissandro; no wonder the Irish delegation wanted to make a good election of their next singer (and ofc, the song) to reach victory. And boy, they kept their mood with this year's song

Why did this new Celtic-Irish song went above Ohne Worte, you ask? Well, first, the melody (once again) it's something that makes its job and lets Jessica's voice get along with it with the mesmerizing Irish lyrics, co-written by Sophie herself alongside other composers who made the 2019 and 2022 JESC Irish entries. While slower than Solas, it still gives the vibe of a magical and mystical song that really tells "it's from Ireland" more than the adult ESC entries.

When I watched the song reveal with the videoclip from TG4 (before the JESC YT channel XD), it was something beautiful. The eerie yet pretty castle, the landscapes, Jessica's princess vibes....And just of nowhere, when I thought I had seen everything, the final verses come in and THEN THERE IS SOPHIE IN THE CASTLE! Yes, you heard me, Sophie fricking Lennon in the videoclip, and singing with her partner the ending! Not only she wrote the lyrics (and invited the Wild Youth fellas to her concert during the Eire finale XD), but also OFFICIALLY joins Jessica in the entry, both studio and LIVE! As one of Sophie's fans, this was something I NEVER EXPECTED IN THE SONG. One thing is lyrics writing, but THIS IS TAKING THEIR LEGACY TO ANOTHER LEVEL! :D ;w;

For two legends together, the staging and live harmony is REALLY THE KEY for Ireland to get the victory they almost got in Yerevan! And knowing they sing 4th after Kvitka, I REALLY EXPECT them to blow the stage and at least have ALL THE LUCK I would wish for them! As the officially declared "ending of the Celtic JESC trilogy of 2019, 2022 and 2023" by the Irish delegations, I hope they end this cycle with honor, and at least brings a new start for Ireland in Junior Eurovision (and hopefully the senior one, because Sweden will kick them from their winner pedestal more sooner than expected if they don't step up. Seriously)

🇪🇸 Sandra Valero "Loviu"

As a fellow Hispanic, I ALWAYS expect the best from Spain in both contests (a language bias, since here in LatinAmerica we don't have Eurovision yet, junior or senior T-T). And while most of them are, well, not my style, there are some I hold dear in my heart: El Chiki Chiki, Amanecer, SloMo (and how not to love her? Chanel IDOLA!) and Eaea (still singing it, even if being another Big 5 robbery that hurted me a lot in Liverpool, and the worst of all with ONLY 5 TELEVOTE POINTS. Darn on the card system, sabotaging my credit payment in the website voting!) for the adult songs; and Antes Muerta Que Sencilla (campeona la María Isabel), Marte, Pa'lante and Señorita (a baby king following Chanel's Latino vibes ;W;) for the Junior!

And this year they didn't dissapoint again (even with HoD changes from RTVE)! They brought another queen to the JESC list, Sandra Valero, with her upbeat song "Loviu"

For all the expectatives I imagined for the Junior Eurovision Spanish song, this one blew me! So happy, so Junior-flavored (without being too sugar-coated), so catchy even for those who don't speak Spanish, so moving (and needed with the ballad parade)! I can say a lot of things of this song, but there is character limit in the posts, so I'll stop now. And Sandra giving it the nostalgic childhood vibes in her acting and voice! The imagination she conveys, her kindness and her energy...The second time I felt a Junior song very close to my native language (Señorita did it first).

I will threatPLEAD France TV (host broadcaster) to not chicken out with Sandra's staging. The swing of the videoclip MUST BE THERE, even if from a low height for security measures, because it's not like dealing with Loreen's 1.8 kg panini press, Blas Cantó's moon or Brunette's LED platform, it's UN JODIDO PINCHE COLUMPIO (and they previously put a ring-swing for Tanya's song in Paris 2021, so no excuses). The train and the clouds can be optional and they can innovate, but for everyone's sake don't ruin Spain's chance to win (more than they could already have since they perform FIRST) or I will burn France/j. And for those Hispanic fellas from here, remember to vote for Sandra! :D

🇳🇱 Sep & Jasmijin "Holding On To You"

As Netherlands was one of the first countries to begin their pre-selections for their JESC 2023 song, I played the Junior Songfestival 2023 song-snippet video as soon as Fan Del Junior Eurovision Song Contest streamed it in YouTube. And of the four songs, I got two favorites: one of them being Duron's "Magic" with a nice and catchy rhythm that would be fit in the Junior essence (even if they massacred his song at the live performance for the JSF Final T-T, like it happened to Kazakhstan's "Jer-Ana" in 2022). But alongside him, there was ONE song that spoke for me, in high volume and no doubts, "we are THE song for Nice", and managed to keep into the first place of my list for a VERY LONG TIME (before the next song occupied their throne)

This is, with no discussions, the most EDM and dance-inciting song I've ever heard and expected its victory before the great show in a Junior contest, let alone a Dutch JESC song after years of calm and chill songs such as Luna's "La Festa" (her 7th place by performing first is the sole reason I hope Sandra slays the stage this year to not suffer the same fate), Ayana's "Mata Sugu Aō Ne" (the robbery of 2021, a REAL robbery!) or even Ralf Mackenbach's "Click Clack" (both a JESC winner and now a plasma physicist...THE FUTURE THIS LAD GOT O-O).

Sep and Jasmijin's vocals are no doubt, harmony itself displayed in this AMAZING entry. And not only in the studio version, but also live in the Finals of Junior SongFestival itself! The lyrics telling a story of a friendship that could become something else between two souls, in a child-friendly yet effective and addictive! And the JSF staging, being a prototype of the Grand Finale version to see soon, it's so connected to the entry itself, and both not only swept the national jury and online voting with 12 points each, but also spoke "winner" from miles.

For the staging, as the JSF version was related enough with the song, it needs some serious changes if they want to elevate it to Nice (and to check what to do with the dancers since the 6-people-max rule of staging counts in Junior Eurovision too). Otherwise, and with an advantage of being the final song to perform this Sunday, I can see them winning (if there are no obstacles) and I will be happy for them (well, any of the Tier 1 and 2 songs, honestly, I love them). (well, at least they can make Dutch Eurovision champion Duncan Laurence feel better after his own ESC 2023 duo flopped at their own song since the pre-parties XDXD)

🇦🇲 Yan Girls "Do It My Way"

We reached the last song of the list!

Let's start with the country itself, Armenia. They are recently getting better in the adult Eurovision (Snap, Future Lover) and more than they were of perfect in the Junior edition: One winner being Vladimir Arzumanyan in 2010 with "Mama", another in 2021 being Malena with the JESC's Euphoria "Qami Qami" (alongside her 2020 song "Why" she couldn't sing in JESC 2020 due to conflicts happening in Armenia more than the pandemic, and the song itself not speaking other things than those ;w; T-T), and a runner-up of Nare's "Dance!" in 2022 (and the entire country at her side during the voting before Lissandro surprisingly won). And of course they couldn't lower their guards for this year again in France!

After a long run of mostly ballads revealed in the song list, and after my recovery of Poland's videoclip, this song is what I never thought I would need to listen in the Junior playlist and yet, by leagues, became my Top 1 election to win the contest at first listen!

From all the genres I thought Armenia would bring it on for Nice (anything but more ballads, knowing their Eurovision competitive spirit), K-Pop was definitely not in my list! And yet, even if not being a fan of the genre itself, "Do It My Way" made me head-bang and tap my feet while I heard it for the first time! The five girls' voices really give the feelings of this special song, from the calm beginning to the dance-breaking choruses, combining Armenian with English in the song so perfectly with their dance moves and the entire videoclip that it feels like an authentic K-Pop song that famous groups could create!

Even if like most cases in this list, I can't understand most of the lyrics without a translation (since it's mostly Armenian by EBU 70%-national-language rule to avoid English overusing like it happens in the adult Eurovision), the energies they deliver make it a good song. And it really speaks "being authentic to one self, to break the rules and do anything you want!" not only by the English chorus, but also the voice styles!

I know it will a bit more difficult for the Yan Girls to mix their dance moves with perfect live singing during the grand day unlike a studio video (same for the props and lights displayed in the clip), but I can tell by their videos (before the Opening Ceremony, not the rehearsals, I'm not fond of rehearsals as they're spoilers for me) they are ready to get a Top scoring, and maybe even repeating the "Armenia wins in France, and France wins in Armenia" cycle of victories we had since 2021!

Yes, I know it's sort of a polemic declaration since most of the ESC fandom is not too eager for them (or France itself) to win again with so many options and newcomers, but still, I won't be mad imo if they get a third trophy and tie Georgia in the winner list!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

And with this, I officially declare this JESC 2023 tier-ranking detailed opinion compilation finished! All of the 16 songs covered and reviewed!

If I have to talk about the contest itself, I got some opinions:

I'm a bit bummed there's no rock songs in this edition like in 2022 (Anos 70) or 2021 (Specchio) and others in previous years. And no, "Un Mondo Giusto"'s rock-chord finale doesn't count. It has to be a song of those vibes from beginning to end. But well, K-Pop covered that void in the list :D!

I'm surprised there's not a single boy solist in this edition. It's the "Cure Wing among the other Cures" situation in this edition, because there are three boys, yes, but in groups (Georgia, Oto and Nikoloz) or duets (Sep); and most of the singers are girls! XD

At least the running order is a bit decent this time. Germany is not first to begin (finally!), Spain is not a bad song to open the show (and we have televote on our side), and Netherlands can end the evening so fine

If the rumours of La Zarra not being a guest interval (like Barbara Pravi in 2021, Rosa Linn in 2022) are true, I will be sad, but yet comprehensive (since they say it was because she wants to rest from Eurovision after the kerfuffle, and the middle finger cancelled her in France, and so on...). But at least I hope the guests are some good singers!

And that's finally all! Hope you enjoyed this compilation! See ya next time! :D

[lavenoon]

16, 25, 27 for the fanfic writer asks! :D

16. (guilty pleasure tropes) covered here!

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

I mean. GFDHSJ Y'all see the AU AU AU and alternate reveals and non canon scenarios I come up with, those definitely fall into this category! There's also that one anon asking about promotions that I simply don't want to spoil yet but it's a whole spin-off basically that I'll just drop after exploring it for a bit! I also couldn't stand the angst yesterday after all, so I came up with a little fix it scenario (because yes, I'm fixing death now, I needed them to be happy)

I'm hoping the screenshots are easier to ignore than a whole wall of text, for anyone who does enjoy angst without any comfort! I do actually think that worst case scenario stands well on its own, it isn't supposed to be happy, but turns out death is just a bit too rough for me still and I wanted a happy ending, actually. And, not quite a side story, but no clue when I'll get to it and I am thinking about it an unreasonable amount, post-reveal when HQ finds out that they all know each other's identity, they get a shared mission that kicks off their team of three where Robin poses as someone important with Dusk/ Dawn as their bodyguard, and you just know the tension will be SO tasty. Lingering touches, teases they can't rebuke without blowing their cover, protectiveness upped to the max... For some reason, whenever I think about it, this mission happens on a cruise, but no clue if I'll actually use that FGHDJSK

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

God I am. I am such a sucker for any and all comments, especially those that mention a line I'm particularly proud of, and y'all are spoiling me with those!! Settling on one is pretty much impossible if I go with that standard - so I'm going with an entirely different fandom. I've mentioned my slow burn long fic before, which is currently on hiatus since the hyperfixation on fnaf is too strong rn for other projects, and, well, the entire niche I found myself in before just was much less interactive or even engaging. This longfic has been up almost two years - and within not even three weeks, Accidentally Undercover has gotten more views, comments, kudos, bookmarks, anything - you name it, there's more. I was really disheartened and partly stopped writing because, well, I have my outline to read, and if barely anyone (if anyone) even reads it, then why write more? But a couple months ago, I got a comment - after about a year of hiatus, someone told me they binge-read 113K words in one day, that they love my world-building and character dynamics, and that they would love it if/when I decide to write more again. It was just so nice without being pushy that I sat down and wrote 1.5K words of the next chapter right then. It's still far from done, and the fic itself is in arc 2 of 5 - but that was more than I wrote for it in months at the time! I think of that commenter fondly because for that fic, they were a rarity. For AU y'all are SO good to me, all the comments and interaction really are fueling me, and anyone who gets to listen to me yell on discord knows I'll melt at the positive attention at any given time fghjdks

[dogmomwrites]

Find the Words!

This tag came from @songsofsomnia, so thank you for including me in this game!

Gonna pass it along with soft tags to @worldstogetlostin, @k--havok, @tisiphonewolfe, @papercutsunset, and @expanding-inwards, as well as keeping it an open tag! Rules—share an excerpt from your wip/s for the words given to you, then tag as many people as you choose and give them some words to find

Your words will be surround, adjust, and sharp. If you can't find one, leave a fun fact about your WIP, OCs, or writing process! My words were follow, touch, near, and keep. These excerpts are taken from the first book in my fantasy series, Castle in the Ice

Follow  The small mountain gleamed in the late afternoon sun. Aero struggled through the snow to it as the wolf got closer. He climbed up, hoping the wolf couldn’t follow him, but it was soon snapping at his heels. 

The size of the wolf surprised him. Standing still, its barrel shoulders would be level with his, its head looming over him. Thick, shaggy gray fur covered it from ears to tail tip, and its paws were almost as wide across as his shoulders. It had long strong legs to carry it swiftly through the snow, those large paws keeping it from sinking in too deep. A bushy tail as long as its body waved behind it as it slowed to gather itself and leap onto the mountain after him. 

Touch  They walked without talking and Arial soon lost track of how long they’d been going down the steps. They’d left the door cracked so as to not lock themselves in, and the farther in they went the deeper the darkness became. At first, she’d been able to make out Marrick’s large form in front of her and Aero keeping an eye on Nuka behind her, but it wasn’t long before the darkness took her sight from her. 

She reached out and touched the wall beside her. Stone. Solid, unbroken stone. Were they in the mountain below the castle? Had they gone down that far already?

Near  “Well,” he said, blowing on the coffee to cool it before taking another sip. “I don’t know too much, just that red eyes is a clear sign of it. Enchanting an animal is very powerful, very dark magic. Same for enchanting a person. No one since The Conquerer has been able to do it, and he’s been dead several hundred years.” 

“Ah’ve nae heard of him.” 

“Because he’s been dead several hundred years,” Houndstooth said in a wry tone. “Before him, enchanting living beings was something people only talked about. No one thought it could actually be done. Enchanting an animal gave complete control over them to the enchanter and he used them for spying, hunting, killing, torture. I only know of this because it’s been passed down through the family. My some-odd grandpappy was alive during his rise and wrote it all down.” 

“His rise?” Nightwish asked. 

“He had an unmatched bloodlust and a hunger for power. Wanted to rule the world, and damn near succeeded. That’s because he could enchant any animal. Even, according to my grandpappy’s account, a dragon.” He paused to sip his drink. 

“He could enchant a dragon?” 

He nodded. “When he died, everyone thought the secret of enchanting died with him. Now you’ve got me worrying maybe it didn’t.” 

Keep  The horse looked away, as if acting innocent. He glanced at Caleb, then ducked his head when he saw he was glaring at him. But rather than be chastised, he trotted sideways over to him, almost prancing. Almost as if saying, Who, me? 

“I’m a little busy right now, so just hold on.” He tried to go back to his horse, who was content to keep chomping on his bit, but Arod ran in front of him. He bumped Caleb with his rump, shoving him back a step. “Arod, for the last time, stop.” 

Arod nickered, turning his head away. Acting innocent, he slapped Caleb in the face with his tail again and kept blocking his way when he tried to go past. 

“Toby, you want to call your horse off?” Caleb asked, exasperated. 

But Tobias just watched him with a blank expression. “No.” 

[barbieb0y]

journey: INTERNET OVERDOSE.

yeah yeah shameless song reference in the title but hey it fits my acc's theme

if you can't guess it yet, in this one i'll be talking about my relationship with the internet. of course, i still mostly am on the internet, or at least on my pc and phone, but i'm doing a whole lot better than i did a few years back lol

anyways sit back bc this is gonna be a long one.

i've always had a fascination with modern gadgets, considering i grew up with gaming consoles and a dad who's a computer science graduate.

but i never used these gadgets to actually engage with the wide community on the internet - it was mostly for playing video games, to nobody's surprise. not that i was old enough to really understand anything that's being said on the net; then again, even toddlers are being let on to social media these days.

it truly started when i was around 11. though technically it doesn't classify as a social medium, i remember being on quizup. it was there where i had my first real taste of online social interaction - it's just that it wasn't too memorable so i buried it in the depths of my mind. what came after is much more interesting (despite the sudden onslaught of... graphic pictures of the popstar that clogged the taylor swift quiz community section at one point, but i digress).

it was there where i discovered about amino - a friend of mine there shared a screenshot of what seemed to be a community dedicated to blogging exclusively about taylor swift (i was a swiftie okay you don't have to rub it in) and curious, i asked them what it was. they told me it's an app called amino and you can join any community within the app. for whatever reason, that dragged me in.

i installed amino. i joined my first ever community - the swifties community (or as we call it, swifties amino). while amino is notorious for its roleplaying community, i participated in none of that (i would argue that there is nothing roleplay about in a community about the worldwide popstar taylor swift but terminally online people are well... creative enough to come up with anything). if anything, i think i barely chatted with any of the people in that community. i mostly did my own thing, which is lurking. the only thing i remember posting was fan-made gifs of the song "out of the woods".

no, what really started my chronically online phase was none other than the sims amino. and here's the funny part - i wasn't even a massive sims fan at the time. my only exposure to it is playing the sims freeplay and the sims 2 on my old psp. but since the app was still new (or at least, the main app - there were always the standalone aminos that were their own apps, including a sims amino app i believe), it was one of the only aminos available at the time that didn't really intimidate me. so i joined, for whatever reason.

it was a small community. almost everyone was new. i remember using basic gif filters to edit pics of sims was mind-blowing back then. most people actually play the sims 4, which was new (and paid; expensive at that) at the time, and it made me jealous - i only had a mobile game and an old game to speak for. and that year, i actually begged my mom to buy me a copy of the game. once i got good grades for an exam that year, i got my copy i ordered online which was, funnily enough, the first instance of online shopping i did that i can recount. (fun fact: i also got the get together expansion pack but i don't remember if that was the same year or not)

i wanted to be like everyone else, posting their sims with a pretty gradient background. i read blogs on how to edit. i wrote my own nonsensical, corny stories that i keep cancelling because i couldn't commit. there was a point where i'd post everyday. a point where i put my deepest, darkest thoughts into an amino post because i thought it'd be entertaining. honestly, it would've been simple if it was just that.

but there was a desire for approval.

if you didn't know, aminos have this section called the "feature page" and upon entering an amino, you're instantly greeted with this section. mods can pick certain posts they think are feature-worthy and put them there. we called it "featuring" posts. it's supposed to bring attention to these posts that deserve more attention. i can't remember the first time i got featured but by god was it exhilarating.

logging in and seeing my post, sometimes at the top if it was still newly featured, was like being fed food after not having eaten for a week. i didn't know i was so starving for attention until that moment. or maybe i never craved it - that amino only sparked that need, that thirst.

i remember i would feel particularly down if a post of mine (that i think deserves to be featured) was ignored and only got 20 likes instead of 300. it's funny to think about that now because nowadays, from what i've check briefly on the web, even featured posts get only 12 likes at best. it's eerie to see an amino in such a state. it's like a graveyard.

it kind of give me the image of what it would be like if we actually destroyed the internet.

this is also where i found my first ever friend group. i remember all their (user)names still. back then, i had a tendency to "fictionalize" the people i knew, including myself. i remember making sims that "represented" us. they were even color-coded, with mine being red because that was my favorite color at the time. i've also fictionalized friends outside that group. wrote a fictional story including us living fictional lives, loving fictional men i created, even straight-up putting these characters in situations that should've made my friends uncomfortable. but they never said anything about it. i was lucky. but also not.

one of the members of this friend group actually inspired me to start writing because they were a writer themselves. and after time, they decided to make an amino of their own, exclusively for writing. all four of us joined and some others - including my very own biological sister. i still think of that place as a safe haven; it's a small place with mostly familiar faces and i can write anything i want with little to no judgement.

eventually we all started leaving amino. or at least, they did. i always had trouble moving on when it came to friends leaving, for whatever reason. but perhaps it's because i always had a small glimmer of hope inside of me that told me "but what if they come back?" and that i have to be there when they come back. but they never did.

i was feeling dejected by then. i tried searching for another amino to belong in. fortunately, around the same time, i've been joining my sister in on her danganronpa marathon so i've taken a liking to the franchise. and so that meant i was more than eligible to join danganronpa amino.

i joined. everything happened in a blur - yet it feels like i could remember it all crystal clear too. i remember posting my first ever fanfic there. i don't remember what my first post was. i remembered what was probably could only be described as falling platonically in love with your best friend. i don't remember if i had breakdowns there or not. i remember fictionalizing people and them enabling it yet again. i don't remember what i said to make people even like me.

i remember being ghosted by the girl i loved.

and i remember it cutting deep.

after all the posts i wrote about her, for her, after messaging her "i love you" everyday even after she left, after everything.

i held on. just in case she came back. but she never did. they never do.

i couldn't read any instances of her name for a while after that. being there made me yearn for all the good times again and finally, after a while of holding on to that little glimmer of hope, somehow, i left.

either i was already a part of it or until after i left danganronpa amino did i join bandori amino. i had little to no negative experiences here - if anything, i was the negative experience. i had a deep hatred for this one character back then and for whatever reason, i often had to make it known to others. but otherwise, all i really did was post edit sets, post blogs explaining why i love the characters i love and sell reroll accounts (and no the price is not real money. it's amino coins). there was a point where i did lose my game account to a scammer posing as an account farmer though.

but things really went down once i joined a3! amino, a bit after i joined bandori amino. i simply wanted to be surrounded by people who enjoys the same game i do but boy oh boy did i get more than i bargained for.

don't get me wrong. a3! amino is still a memorable place for me and i have friends and family i made through it that i am still connected and close with to this day. but to say that it was all positive would be a lie.

underneath the facade of a welcoming community, i could see fights breaking out and users making fun of each other behind each other's backs. i thought i wouldn't ever be a part of all that but well, life is unpredictable, isn't it?

i had these 3 friends. 2 of them were adults, 1 around my age. these adults does not get along with the 1 kid - and honestly, i do not blame them because this kid is insufferable and i was just too naive to really accept it earlier. that i was just friends with her because i pitied her.

one of the adults told me to tell this kid that she has problems, blah blah blah, whatever. i told my friend to get her shit together and solve her own problems and not drag me into it. well, guess what? i got dragged into it. she got mad at me instead, telling me i shouldn't listen to my other friend.

it's to the point where i would feel uncomfortable interacting with any of them. i didn't know what to do. and i don't remember what the resolution was anyway. i only remember how the whole situation made me stressed out like never before. i simply wanted everyone to get along. it seemed so easy before.

another minor dilemma i experienced was when i joined this entertainment team. and though that was where i met my younger sibling and close friend, it was also where my inferiority complex grew. everyone in the team was an artist - except for me. i was the only writer accepted, for whatever reason. though i am honored, at some point, it just made me feel small.

we published a new edition of our magazine, which was in the form of a post. everyone's submissions were amazing - and to close it all off, my fanfic was featured at the very bottom. i had hoped it would make people happy - and now i have no doubt but it must've - but one comment, though innocuous, i took to heart. the user praised all the art featured in the post,

but did not comment on my writing.

i thought that my work is not worth reading. not worth consuming. not worth experiencing, just because you can't just take it in by simply looking. and knowing me, i'm known for how quickly i lose motivation. that one comment was enough to bring me down. i brought it up with my other teammates and they sympathized with me, but eventually i had to leave due to my lack of motivation and, again, inability to commit to anything.

i left both the team and amino altogether. i couldn't take what this app was doing to me anymore. i needed a new start. and somehow, somehow, past me thought twitter was a good idea. most likely because some of my friends were already on twitter by then.

i moved. i made an account. behaved like any other twitter user would - with delusion. eventually, i made two accounts. then 3. then many more. there was my public account, my private, a writing account, a gimmick account, roleplaying accounts (ironic how i got into roleplaying after leaving amino), bot accounts, the works. i was still desperate for attention, for approval, for acceptance still.

again, just like amino, i've had positive experiences with twitter; as amusing as it is, i've met most of my current friends through twitter, through the many, many accounts i made. i fondly remember how a friend of mine messaged a roleplaying account i ran and told me that i'm doing such a great job and how they really appreciate me. i didn't think my actions held so much meaning and significance to someone. and to think there might be more out there who holds the same regards but are not bold enough to tell me.

i've had my dark moments of course. who hasn't impulsively, secretly deactivated when they were feeling like garbage to see if people would notice if they're gone or not? it did work once for me so it's not completely foolproof; but it is also, obviously, unhealthy. it's done nothing but feed into my delusion that nobody cared about me when, really, they do but they need to care about themselves - or even someone else who needs it more - at that time.

i've felt isolated too. it seemed like everyone was good at something, or at least part of a majority, except for me. it was like secondary school all over again. i remember being one of the only men in the self-shipping community and even then, i didn't self-ship romantically and/or sexually so it basically meant nothing. i was nothing.

then came the thing that pushed me to the edge.

it was an innocent tweet. out of curiosity, i was simply asking fellow aroaces at the time if they mind being in a non-platonic relationship. suddenly, a mutual of mine came into my replies with a screenshot taken from my rentry. the screenshot read "i don't think all the bandori girls are lesbians". the caption read "now what is this".

i didn't think much of it at first. it's unrelated to what i was asking and besides, shouldn't have they known that when they checked my rentry before they followed me? it barely took a few minutes for people to come and attack me for it though. first it was just 2 people. then 3. then suddenly hundreds were quote-retweeting me with nasty comments and even some death threats. only 2 of my friends defended me. only a gimmick account i liked was respectful to me.

i laugh at the incident now but at that time, i felt myself break. when i hugged myself, i could hear cracks. i asked myself if i should listen to those death threats after all. maybe they'll be satisfied if such a terrible person like me, who dares misrepresent some anime girls, died at their hands.

i held on, for the sole reason that national exams were nearing and that it's a bad decision to let a bunch of stupid terminally online maggots decide whether i live or die because of fictional girls. but it still affected me greatly. i went private.

one day, i was having it particularly bad. i remember that evening vividly: i forgot i accidentally released one of my cats and i had no idea where she went. she's been out since morning and hasn't come back for a few hours now. i start crying while studying, feeling guilty for not just her but everything. i never seemed to be able to do anything right. i called myself a cursed child, that i'm nothing but a burden and an abomination.

i deactivated, thinking it's just one of those times.

i cried, until the cat showed up at my door eventually. i felt relieved by then, that maybe im not such a failure after all. i debated reactivating now that i felt better but i thought that i could probably focus on studying better if i didn't. so i didn't.

the days i went on without twitter were the most liberating and peaceful days i had. nothing else was on my mind other than studying. i'd study while listening to my favorite albums, with a tinge of curiosity as to what's happening on twitter at the time. but i persisted.

eventually, i came back - but only to announce that i'm quitting twitter and make sure my friends know how to keep in contact with me. it only lasted a few days.

then i deactivated.

permanently.

it felt like a huge burden's been lifted off my shoulders. to this day, i haven't attempted to make a new account at all, even though i had the urges. but i'm proud to say i've been clean of twitter for a year and a few months now.

fast-forward to the present day, i am now on tumblr again and it's a peaceful alternative. plus, i'm not on here all the time like i was with twitter. it's just easier to search for content here, what with the tags and all. and it's the only social media i need.

people can say that i'm missing out for not having instagram or tiktok all they want. i'm comfortable where i am right now.

plus, maybe they haven't overdosed like i have just yet.

crazy to think ive been on the internet for like what 7 years now? but it was my only safe space for a while (and still is to some extent) so i dont blame past me

tomorrow will be the last day i post something for this miniseries. i already have a draft in the works so stay tuned~

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Find the Word Tag

Thank you so much @little-mouse-gardens for the tag!

Rules: I find my words in my WIPs, I give you five words to find in your WIPs, and then you tag other people with five other words!

My words: flowers, missing, night, jukebox, sinister

Your words: beat, lack, overview, responsibility, debut

Tagging: @gracehosborn @theelfauthor @jamieanovels @27fanficlilies @rogueyami @annetilney @writingmoth @queerfox-tales

Under the cut, read a trip through a fantasy forest in my alternate universe, a good natured sparring match, a mystery regarding inscription on a harp, and a cringe-inducing excerpt from a fanfiction i wrote when I was 15

Flowers:

From The Secret Portal, Part Two, in Carmen's POV

The only thing I could hear as I walked back home was the crunching of the leaves beneath my feet as I trudged across the forest floor. There were no noticeable landmarks, but as someone who had lived in these woods since they were three, I noticed the small things. The patch of otatave flowers. The twisted log covered in purple moss. A large stone encased in snapper vines that had once snatched me off the path. I steered clear, only scarcely outpacing a vine that attempted to coil itself around my ankle. I did not care to get tossed like a flying disk today. I passed the brook, slowing to look at the frogflies. I waited until one flew off and began to walk away, though I stopped when my eye caught one of the redstones. It was smooth. Perfect, almost. I bent down to pick it up, pocketing it before continuing. A rustle of bushes caused me to stop. A deer poked its head out. I stopped in my tracks as it stepped out to where I could see it: a longhorn, not sharptooth. I let out a breath. The creature looked at me with wide eyes as it passed. Then it scampered off. I began walking again.

Missing:

From The Secret Portal Part One, in Gwen's POV

I locked my gaze on Parker, whose strawberry-blond hair was tied back in a small ponytail. I realized when he blocked the blond’s blows, he wasn't making contact. I glanced down at his feet, watching carefully. I now realized his feet were always off the ground a little bit longer than I would’ve thought they should. “Do it!” Parker said to the blond without missing a step. “Man, I don’t—” “You gotta practice, Wade.” Parker reared back his arms over his shoulder before thrusting forward, his arms out and stance strong. A strong wind blew across the room, and I could feel it from where I stood. Wade’s hair blustered around his face, and he held up his arms in a protective “X” in front of his face. He pushed forward against the wind. Once close to Parker, Wade punched the kid in the face, sending Parker over the barricade. I let out a squeak of alarm, bringing my hands up to my mouth as Parker crumpled beside me. Despite the blood on his face, he laughed. “Finally,” he said as Wade leapt over the barricade and went to Parker’s side. “Bro, it’s been years and you finally give it your all.” “That wasn't my all,” Wade said, holding his palm over Parker’s face. A white light began to glow around his hand. “I’ve tackled people much bigger than your string-bean self to the ground.” “Yeah, but they were wearing football gear.” “Stop talking,” Wade instructed. “You’re gonna mess up the healing.” Parker fell silent and the white halo dimmed. Wade helped Parker stand.

Night:

From School of the Legends, Year One

Jack reached out his palm and brushed it along the pillar of the instrument. Small rough carvings ran against his fingertips. “Hm,” he muttered as he tilted his head and the harp until the engravings were clear. Jack instantly recognized writing--although it was in a completely different language from what Jack knew. “Jill!” Jack called. A moment later, she opened the door. “I thought I told you to go to bed.” “C’mere,” said Jack, waving her over. “See this?” Jill tilted her head, reaching out to lightly touch the harp. “Yes. What is it?” “I was hoping you would know,” said Jack as his sister stood. “Well, it’s obviously writing,” said Jill, “although I don’t recognize the language.” “Brilliant,” Jack muttered under his breath. “Don’t you think this should have been something the giants told me? If I’m the only one who is to have this harp, then why put it in something I can’t read?” Jill shrugged. “I guess you’ll have to figure it out.” “Thanks.” “Hey, you will,” said Jill, smirking slightly. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll discover a second power that will help you decipher that.” Jack chuckled as he stood as well. “Maybe.” “Good night, Jack,” said Jill as she shut the door behind him. “G’night,” said Jack as the door clicked shut. He crawled into bed, turning off the lamp.

Jukebox:

I don't think this counts as a WIP, since I abandoned it, but whenever I do these, I always want to see if any of those abandoned projects used the words so I don't leave something blank.

From Just One Moment, my MCU fanfiction (cringe), in Peter Parker's POV

I change in the bathroom. The bathroom is huge, like, mega huge. I can probably swing in here and not hit anything. I’m now wearing the entire suit, minus the mask. I haven’t looked at the mirror yet. My back is to it. I want the entire thing on before I do that. I pull the mask over my face, and I’m surprised to see they work the same way as my goggles. They help me focus. Okay, time to see what this baby looks like. I spin around and it’s like when someone unplugs a jukebox and the music just spirals out, like in that really old movie Back to the Future when that guy Biff walks in the cafe. The Spider-Man suit is kind of baggy and saggy. My disappointment doesn’t last long, however, because I tap the spider symbol on the chest and the suit adjusts to my side. Now I look so dope.

Sinister:

Unfortunately I haven't ever used this word in any of my fictional works. I've used it in my analyses of other media so I don't think those count. Besides, those are attached to my personal account not my writing account. Oh, well

[tillinghastcorporatemedia]

Often Dystopia (And how its gonna affect my art)

As much as there are some seriously good dystopian fiction. (yes im enamored with sci-fi) personally to me it almost feels tired but i understand the appeal and popularity

But how does this effect my art, and turn TillinGhast Corporate Media

Well first let me explain what TillinGhast Corporate Media is

TGCM was and is me taking what little part of my previous project that never took off and i never made it very far with, Tillinghast

Tillinghast was my outlet for my anger and isolation, and originally began after the death of my grandfather and the falling out of the people i had tried to gather for a band

I had written an ep dealing with my loss and an album that was inspired by election day 2016 and the amount of anger that i felt towards the establishment that i was already growing increasingly tired of

I ended that project after 2-3 years of trying to find vocalists/funds/and start making art

after that died i didnt touch any project and just wrote shitty electronic again, much like everytime i get bored with writing metal, but this time i had much more fun making just beeps and boops with no expectation of vocals and just making basic looping music

So where did TillinGhast Corporate Media come from?

If you notice i did keep the tillinghast name, as i found out when i first started this solo shit, isnt wasnt in use by any active musicians, and i only found one band that hadnt been active in over 8 years

But i wanted something new

something different

So i kinda let my focus on music, the thing i had been doing for over 10 years, go to the side to try and create elsewhere, right at the beginning of 2020

the first thing i thought i would try?

Writing a book

Which as a lot of people on here know, is really really really really really fucking hard to do, especially when you start this shit working a 9 hour overnight shift and writing on days off while everyone else you care about is asleep

And in figuring out what i had wanted to write then, i decided to not go big, but to try and keep me entertained, i needed more than just a few characters

So using a small chunk of info i had written down when i was trying to get into dnd and make my own scifi version of the game, i created a few planets, each with different species and histories and lore and economies

and i made a decision

Each planet would have different stories

to try and keep me entertained

which worked for about a year, and i havent updated since because i have trouble making myself create anything other than music, but i dont wanna get too recent or on a tangent

But why the name TillinGhast Corporate Media?

Well, because it sounds cool as shit. I used to love vaporwave and alternative genres and anything i could find that was "weird"

but also at some point i decided that if i do ever blow up, i want to hire other creatives and actually pay them well, and give them a place to really get out a message for the future

But its just me

So i get to have all the say

at least for now

But why a universe you ask? Why is this so damn long? Get to the point?

well at least for two of those im trying to be verbose and explain myself, and honestly if you read this far i love you and hope that youll stay here on this journey with me

I've always wanted to be part of a group, art creative, touring band, etc.

Ive gotten close only once or twice, but ive always been diy and taught myself shit so i figured i wanted to combine all of my loves into one thing, one giant sandbox where i can be creative in my decisions

And once again, i didnt want it to be just me. So TillinGhast Corporate Media will always be changing and evolving as i learn more about this giant world im having to navigate

I will say there will probably errors or fails, but i want this to be inclusive and open and loving so other people can use this as a means to escape, if even for a little bit, the harsh reality we all face.

Much like i got an escape in music and books as a kid and teenager

So why a universe? because a universe is big and can hold many stories and many perspectives, much like a library can hold many different pieces of knowledge

So to get to the final point, for those of you who actually made it this far based on the title

TillinGhast Corporate Media both as myself and as a future idea or brand

at least for now

Will not ever be a dystopia story

I have not forced myself to change and grow and evolve and continue to sit in my negativity and apathy and just general poopy pants view of the world

To not try with all my might to maybe write something that while not a utopia, is not dystopia and imagines a brighter, better, future where people maybe dont have to worry about as much, because they learned from our awful horrible past and actually refuse to repeat any of it

To try and make this more about characters and stories and music and the things that make myself and others smile, instead of regurgitated dystopias where even basic life is rough

does this mean everything will be all flowers and butterflies and my little pony?

absolutely the fuck not

Truth is often stranger than fiction and anything can happen even in a shiny place, but the point is to not be a negative nancy and have a bunch of shitty stuff going on all the time

One of the planets is a floating colony with what little remains of the human race

One planet is basically in the middle of an uprising of an exiled group

The book im writing (kinda spoilery but idk if ever ill finish this damn thing) literally has an act of terrorism being planned from someone who was radicalized by a really bad group that is basically space religion and its many parallels

All of my short stories are slice of life stuff that happens in a few scenarios where each character reacts to an outside force

But this wont ever be some dragged out for purely entertainment type angsty or edgy or anything like some books do with trauma

i want to look at stuff like we're building to something better, not something worse. optimistic but not utopia or something like that

(honestly this point ive already kinda gotten myself choked up so im gonna wrap it up)

But TillinGhast Corporate Media is basically my idea for a better future

and maybe im wrong and my stuff sucks and i need to change it

i have no idea because no one really follows my shit

so i just do what i want within the dumb boundaries and expectations i place on myself

but it is has been better before and it will get better again, and i am tired of that place being only in my head

so im creating this big huge universe with aliases that i call "artists" so it looks like there is actual musicians in this universe, i at one point started on a medium length animation series, and im trying to use my shitty computer to learn 3d shit

So stick around, at least you'll get some music out of it

and on that note i will mention i do have a few singles and 2 albums out, all of which is on youtube and streaming sites (its on spotify but i fucking hate spotify both as a company and some of the people they sponsor stream on any other site please you'll give more money to your favorite artists)

[knightotoc]

So the final ep of Rings of Power came out yesterday, and I binged the whole season with my dad. Kind of a rough show to watch with him, since it's all about mean dads! How far this story has gone since Tolkien wrote it for his kids.

I went into it with low expectations, but it ended up disappointing me in compelling ways. Like Star Trek movies, the even-numbered episodes are better than the odd-numbered ones. Late-game reveals retroactively add some thrill, but can't go back in time to erase the initial tedium. The show has the same structural and characterizational flaws as last decade's LotR spinoff, the Hobbit trilogy: unrestrained emptiness in both showtime and our hero's brains. These goodguys are stupid, and their writers have even less respect for the audience.

But stupidity, while an unexpected legacy for the world's most overthought fictional setting, is not a killing blow to it. We've always had Pippin, after all. The thing that hurts, the thing that makes RoP unique, is indifference. These characters, with a handful of important exceptions, do not love each other. They certainly don't hate each other. They just don't care. In the first scene children destroy each other's toys, and nobody really grows out of that pointlessly selfish mindset.

Fight choreography is self-centered and nasty. Shot composition is lonely. Nobody talks to each other with the goal of actually communicating; they speak in dramatic pauses, anecdotes, twists and turns. At one point, a blind woman asks what has happened, and no one answers her. Her father died. Everyone else is too far inside their own feelings to tell the person for whom that matters most.

The leadership and general population of the elves, dwarves, and humans are bigoted isolationists. The villains, a host of orcs who wear cool skulls on their heads like Cubone, display far more fellowship and joie de vivre than any group we're supposed to like. They even call their leader Dad, and, by this show's standards, he's above-average at that role.

But the most shocking intrusion of indifference is with the horrible nomadic harfoots. You know how ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten? I don't think they know about ohana, Pip. These cultish hobbit-knockoffs condemn anyone who misbehaves, and their family, to the back of the group when they migrate. If not for some supernatural help, our plucky heroine would apparently have gotten picked off in the night by the cruel forces of nature. If the hobbits had been anything like the harfoots, the only logical message of the original story would have been "Fuck the Shire."

But I said there were important exceptions. Of the multiple subplots, at least two revolve around genuine affection, and at least one of those is actually cool and fun. Firstly, there is the grand romance of sexy elf Arondir and lovely human Bronwyn, original characters who have to drag around his lazy coworkers, her stupid neighbors, and a cute kid.

Secondly, there is the rekindled friendship of conflicted dwarf prince Durin and ambitious half-elf Elrond...who is not only my favorite character in LotR but one of my favorite characters in anything, so I am happy to report that he slays in this one. And in the end, for me, that's all that really matters.

Durin and Elrond's friendship is not only beautiful on its own, but it shines all the brighter among the cynicism and apathy that characterizes the rest of this show. After some genuinely great shenanigans, Elrond starts to give Durin a literal elevator pitch about some bullshit. Suddenly, Durin tearfully confronts Elrond with the fact that, though they used to be friends, Elrond missed Durin's wedding and the birth of two of his children. Elrond is taken aback -- after all, twenty years is much shorter for an elf than any other being. He apologizes. They hang out. They take a vow on the mountain. They defend each other to their shitty kings, at the risk of their own futures. Durin almost tells Elrond his true name, and Elrond's like, "Save it for Heaven." They cry because they wuv each other so much. It fucking rules. Eat your hearts out, Legolas and Gimli.

Unfortunately Elrond's not a dad yet -- he's a little baby who looks like a combination of Hermey and MatPat (pictured) -- so the proportion of bad dads to good dads remains overwhelmingly poor. The only actually good one was the one who sat next to me while we endured this terrible production.

[wilheminalibrary]

9/15/2023

Its Own Kind of Ambition

There’s a concept in advertising that tik-tak’d its little chitinous legs all the way up my spine and wrapped itself around my brain like the monster in the Vincent Price movie The Tingler. It’s called “extension” or “blow out” meaning any good idea needs to be blown out into an omnichannel message that has bespoke activations across its various platforms. What does this idea look like in social? What about on the website? This has so rewired my brain that I see everything big picture now.

There’s an anecdote I heard about the novelist David Morrell negotiating the movie rights to First Blood: Completely clueless about the process, Morrell got an entertainment lawyer on referral from a friend. Immediately, this lawyer includes sequel rights and merchandizing rights into Morrell’s contract. Morrell calls this lawyer and complains. “Sequels? He dies at the end. And he’s a murderous Vietnam vet, who’s buying lunchboxes of that?”

“You never know,” said the lawyer and, sure enough…

It’s fucking Rambo. You know the punchline.

This is a story meant to make the audience chuckle knowingly. To wipe their brows and phew for Mr. Morrell who almost missed the gravy train. I hear the story and get nostalgic for Morrell’s mindset. I miss when ideas were ideas and stories were stories. My brain too easily plays the lawyer, slickly looking at every idea and seeing lunchboxes, sequels, series, action figures.

I tell people that I started taking poetry “seriously” when I was a teenager. That’s when my normal weekend habit of going to my local coffeehouse open mic opened its trapdoor and dropped me into the competitive slam scene. At that age, the challenge of competition pushed me to write more creatively, more boldly, and more honestly. I wrote pieces with complex choreography about my parents’ divorce. I wrote poems about my very complicated relationship with masculinity (hold for laughs) and, for the most part, was rewarded for it.

Poets at every bout had books and CDs. I wrote enough poems to fill an album, a book, a “feature” at a coffeeshop or venue. I didn’t feel any internal charge for these parts of the process, I just noticed other poets doing it and, like smoking cigarettes and writing dirty haiku, I figured it was something I ought to be doing. Poets started talking about “publishing” and “submitting” to literary magazines and websites and prizes. I did that, too. Poets started slamming, competing with performances of their poems for randomized panels of judges for scores from 1 to 10. I did that, too. Ironically, this hobby rooted in authentic self-expression was pushing me to express myself in ways I wouldn’t have considered otherwise. This all eventually culminated in me writing myself into a burnout and a seven-year hiatus from writing poems.

I couldn’t sit down and write without, if you’ll pardon me for torturing the metaphor, thinking about the price of lunch boxes. How does this fit in a book? How does it sound live? What kind of scores would it get in Minneapolis? I was advertising years before I ever went to ad school. Since going to ad school, as explained above, only made those instincts sharper. Nowadays, whenever I flex my creative muscles, I risk cutting them on those instincts.

It’s only recently that I’ve been making a more concerted effort to break that habit. Writing for fun, writing only when I feel compelled to write, and writing without a long-term plan. It takes more effort than I’d like to admit, but I enjoy the process more. I have friends who I share things with. I have a community I write for. I no longer feel quite as hungry for recognition outside of myself.

I’m sure a lot of this new push has to be laid, like everything lately, at the altar of my transition. The hollow of my heart no longer seemed to plummet quite so deep once I figured out the fundamental wrong of my body. The hole used to rumble for things like recognition, validation, acknowledgment, striving for fulfillment. Now I realize all it needed was the truth, and the understanding that I was a woman.

The craft still matters. Every piece and thing I write still has to be good by my own metric. I am simply more gentle with myself. I submit to journals when I feel like it. I perform when I can. I no longer eat until my teeth break. I know longer write with ambition.

Save, of course, for the ambition to simply be happy.

Yours with an open mouth,

-B

[lilithsbeanzone]

I love having my life ripped away from me by people i loved and trusted. Knowing them since highschool + another 6 years. Being there for them through some of the toughest shit they had been through. Loyal to them to a tee with no expectations apart from just a continuous genuine friendship.

Then my own mental health goes a little fucky wucky thanks to the myriad of medications I'm on to get better, asking difficult questions of myself in regards to potentially harmful disorders i need to find a specialist for as well as potentially autism and adhd and one of them blowing up in my face after two misunderstandings i let them walk all the blame over me for. I did everything i could to mend bridges but hry some people arnt worth it. So i have a suicide attempt after months of feeling unsafe in our shared house and being gaslit to think im a useless lazy housemate. And thats the step out of line. I lost my friends, my house, what semblance of a social life i had, they ended up milking all the money they could out of me and just never gave a clear message on anything from that point on other than just distant and uncaring. They treated me like a dog. All happy and excited to see me when I'm good but the moment i bite back i needed to be thrown out on the footpath and replaced

It has been almost a year since and i still haven't recovered. I still have nightmares of living in a house for months where i wasn't wanted. Where i was confined to a bedroom unless everyone else was asleep. Too afraid to leave any other time to avoid more confrontation. I can't trust anyone fully although i really have nothing left to be taken. I'm trying to get therapy for everything on top of medication so i guess I'm doing the best i can to recover.

I was promised a life away from pain and suffering and abuse and all i got was more. Nothing has fucked with my trust more than this situation. They dragged me 400km to an empty promise. I'm sure it wasn't always empty and there was some attempt to try for a while

I did everything I could to be understanding of them and see their side and just be a complete and total doormat about everything. But no theres never a right answer because they have already made up their minds

The only consolation is having met my partner before this situation and it really brought us together and has made us stronger as a result which is something. I really wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for them

I don't even know why i wrote this. I guess its 2 in the morning and i needed to vent