#I MEANT TWO SOBBING EMOJIS BUT SAME THING

[fdrsamericanflagduckfloaty]

just watched knock at the cabin aka the movie with bautista and jonathan groff and adult ronald weasley and all i can say is

NATM Jedtavius Knock At The Cabin AU. Octavius as Eric. Jedediah as Andrew. Julia as Wen. The old nightguards can be Leonard/Redmond/Adriane/Sabrina or Kah, Al, Ivan, and Napoleon.

So like KATC AU when

(spoilers in tags and a long ass rant in tags too so)

[pink-sparkly-witch]

Remind Me, Part Two

Summary: Things still need to be resolved between Jensen and Y/N. Can she forgive him and find her way back to him?

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Female Reader

Warnings: 18+ Only, angst, language, smut, oral sex (f rec), fingering, unprotected p in v.

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: This is more like how this was meant to end when I came up with this idea before it went all angsty. I was going to leave it at the end of part one, so you can thank @jbbarnesgirl for convincing me to write this part! As always, this hasn’t been beta’d, and all mistakes are my own.

My Masterlist     AO3     Ko-Fi

Y/N couldn’t sleep. She hated fighting with Jensen. Always had. And there was something that just wasn’t sitting right with her. She threw herself on her back for the millionth time in two hours and huffed at the dark ceiling.

Guilt. That’s what it was. She was feeling guilty because she lashed out when she was hurt. Something she’d done since she was little, just like she always burst into tears when she was frustrated or angry.

Jensen took the brunt of her hurt feelings and didn’t deserve it. Yes, what he did was awful, and it hurt her deeply. But her behaviour towards him was just as wrong, and if she’d learned anything in her life, it was that two wrongs do not make a right.

She threw herself on her side with another loud huff and grabbed her phone from the bedside table. She might as well torture herself with photos and old messages from Jensen. She wasn’t going to sleep now anyway.

As she scrolled back on her messages and scanned the ones from that time, she noticed one thing that never wavered. Every single message Jensen had sent, whether text or just emojis, always ended with the red heart and the kissy face emoji. Sometimes, those two were the only things in his messages.

Y/N felt even worse now. Stuck in her head with what had gone on and what might’ve been going on behind her back, she didn’t take in that those two simple emojis were his way of saying he loved her; he was thinking of her, especially when he sent them at 3am, which, she noticed, was more frequently than she’d realised before.

He may have stopped calling or answering her calls, but he sent those same two icons every single day. She’d taken it as Jensen’s way of staying in touch with her when he was away, more of a habit than his way of showing his feelings. Her tears became a tidal wave, and her sobs wracked her chest. She had to go to him. Had to finish what they’d started.

In the family room, Jensen wasn’t fairing much better. Eyes puffy and bloodshot from crying, he looked through their wedding album again. She looked so happy. They both did. Where did we go wrong? Well, he knew where. The better question was, why?

Y/N was always his strength. She held shit together when he couldn’t. She fixed things before he even knew they were broken. While he was away and she couldn’t do either because she was battling her own demons, he should’ve stepped up and taken the reins from her. Steered her to a happier place like she’d always done for him, but he hadn’t even known where to start, and that was why they were in this mess.

The realisation she thought he was having an affair was eye-opening. He saw where she was coming from, but it still broke his fucking heart. Thinking back, he vaguely remembered speaking with her that morning. He’s pretty sure her call was what woke him up that day. What he remembers more clearly is Karl and Toni not taking no for an answer about going out for Erin’s birthday.

If only he could go back in time and make better choices. Jensen wasn’t one for regrets, but fuck did he regret most of his choices from this past year. Smiling sadly, he ran his finger down the picture of Y/N in her stunning silk gown, mid-laugh at something he said to her on the best day of his life and willed the tears not to fall again. What he wouldn’t give to hear that laugh again, to see that unabashed joy on her face again.

Jensen’s eyes snapped up toward the hallway, hearing a door open. It felt like hours before she appeared in the open-plan living area, but he knew it could only have been seconds. His heart ached at the sight of her puffy and tear-stained face.

Y/N walked towards him, her bottom lip trembling and her arms coming out to the side, silently asking for a hug. Before he could get up from the sofa, she was climbing on him, straddling his lap, sliding her arms around his shoulders, and burying her head in the crook of his neck.

Jensen quickly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her flush with his body and holding her tightly. A sob caught in her throat, and he slid a hand into her hair, gently cradling the back of her head.

“It’s okay. Just let it all out, baby,” he whispered soothingly in her ear. With the state she’d gotten herself in, Jensen knew he wouldn’t get much sense out of her until she calmed down, so he held her tighter, providing that calming comfort she needed right now.

“I—I—‘m s-s-sorry,” Y/N sobbed into his neck, soaking his shirt with her tears.

“Shh, shh, don’t say anything. Not yet. Just cry it all out, baby,” Jensen said. Tears of his own were spilling down his cheeks as he placed his lips on the crown of her head. 

They stayed like that for a long time and held onto one another until the tears from months of hurt and frustration ended, and still, they didn’t let go of one another.

“I’m sorry, Jensen,” Y/N finally spoke, her voice hoarse from her sobs.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, baby,” he responded, emotion thick in his voice as he kissed her hair.

“I do. I was horrible to you,” she sniffled.

“Oh, honey,” Jensen tried to interrupt.

“No. I was hurt and scared, and I lashed out, and I’m sorry. I thought you were going to leave me…”

“Leave you? Y/N, sweetheart, if anything, you should be leaving me!” Jensen countered.

“Oh, baby, no!” she said as she pulled away to look at him. Placing her hands on his cheeks, she leaned in and kissed his lips. “I love you, and I don’t wanna be without you. I don’t know why, but I just got so angry,” Y/N lowered her gaze from his, unable to look into his soft, loving green orbs a second longer.

“Hey, hey. Look at me,” Jensen prompted softly, gripping her chin gently and pushing it up until she raised her eyes to his again and smiled reassuringly. “You said it yourself. You were hurt and scared. Lonely, too, probably. I’ve been a terrible husband to you, and I understand.”

“No, don’t do that. Don’t make what I said okay,” Y/N pouted.

“Did you mean it? When you said I’d lost your trust?” Jensen asked quietly, stroking her cheek.

“No. But I need you to promise me you won’t shut me out like that again. It’ll break me.”

“I swear, I will never do that again, baby. I promise,” Jensen reassured her, sealing his promise with a kiss on her forehead, nose, then lips.

The kiss quickly became passionate, Y/N licking at his lips, asking for entrance, and Jensen gladly obliged. Opening his mouth, he captured her tongue with his, pulling her impossibly closer to his body and deepening the kiss.

Jensen failed to hold back a whimper when her fingers slid into his long hair. Fuck, it’d been so long since he’d felt her do that he wasn’t even ashamed of how desperate he sounded.

“Jensen,” Y/N said breathlessly when she pulled away from him, giggling when he chased after her lips. “Take me to bed?” she asked, nervously chewing on her bottom lip.

“Yeah?” Jensen checked. He needed to make sure this was what she wanted.

“It’s been too long. I miss you,” Y/N pecked Jensen’s lips. “Please? I want you,” she pleaded, pressing her forehead to his and cupping his cheeks.

Jensen didn’t ask again, didn’t wait. He moved his hands down to cup her round cheeks, gripped her tightly and stood. She wrapped her legs around his waist and laughed as Jensen took off at a run, carrying her upstairs to their bedroom.

They wasted no time stripping themselves of their clothes before they were on each other again, hands and lips caressing every piece of skin they could reach. Jensen pushed her gently back onto the bed and crawled between her legs.

Wrapping his arms around her thighs, he pushed her legs open, giving him the perfect view of her slick folds. Jensen loved to tease her, but right now, when it’d been months since he’d tasted her; touched her; been inside her; he didn’t have the patience to play games.

He licked at her folds, and his body rumbled with a carnal groan at the first taste of her nectar. “Fuck, baby, I forgot how good you taste,” he murmured into her folds before pushing his tongue through her slit to get to the tiny bundle of nerves.

Y/N whimpered and melted into his touch. A touch she hadn’t felt in so long and had missed desperately. Her fingers wound in his long hair, and her nails raked gently over his scalp. Jensen moaned at the sensation, a shiver running through his whole body. It never ceased to amaze him how her hands and fingers could be so soft and delicate but strong and rough when she wanted them to be.

He smirked into her folds as he remembered some of the times he’d have long, red scratches down his back, half-moon indents on his shoulders from her nails, or – his personal favourite – tiny fingerprint bruises on his arms from how she clung to him in the throes of passion. It’d been so fucking long since he’d felt any of those things, and he thanked his lucky stars that she wasn’t going to leave him. Lord knows she’d have been within her right to.

Jensen nipped and sucked at her swelling bud and brought his hand close to her entrance. He teased around her opening with gentle touches, dipping his finger into her before quickly circling it once more. Y/N’s moans and mewls, along with her dripping pussy had him on edge already. It took everything in him to keep from grinding into the bed, fearing he’d come untouched. 

Finally, Jensen pushed a finger inside her and moaned at the combination of her warm, wet heat and her fingers grabbing his hair, pulling almost to the point of pain. He shifted so he was on his knees, his head still steadfast between her legs, eating her like a starved man, and he guessed he was, in a way, having been starved of her touch for far too long.

Quickly, he shoved his free hand between his legs and wrapped it around the base of his length, squeezing firmly to stop his climax that was fast approaching. He took to thinking about sports stats because he desperately needed to calm the fuck down. It was like he was a teenager again, trying to hold off coming prematurely.

With some semblance of control back, he added another finger, groaning at her tightness. He knew then that he’d never last once he got his dick inside her. His own hands, or even hers, weren’t the same as being inside her. Even if he did squeeze his fist tight around himself to the point of pain, it would never compare.

Without much warning, her walls began to clamp down around his fingers, and he heard the squelch of her slick hole with every thrust of his fingers within her. It made him feel better to know he wasn’t the only one who would come quickly. And as much as he really wanted her to come again on his dick, he was satisfied in knowing he’d still gotten her off, so if the worst happened and he came before he was even fully inside her, he wouldn’t feel as bad.

Y/N’s fingers tightened in his hair again, and she moaned his name like a prayer. Jensen circled his tongue around her clit one last time before sucking it gently between his lips. Her whole body tensed as the pressure of her climax released and soaked his hand with her juices.

Jensen pumped his fingers until her body relaxed into the bed, and her fingers loosened their grip on his hair, leaving his scalp tingling deliciously with pleasurable pain. Placing a last kiss on her clit, he moved up her body trailing his lips over her stomach, up to her breasts and making sure he spent some quality time with them.

Licking and sucking on her firm nipples was one of his favourite things. He could spend days doing that, but as soon as Y/N circled her soaked core against his thigh for friction, he couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to be at one with his wife. He needed to feel whole again.

Swiftly, Jensen kissed the rest of the way until he reached her lips. They were puffy and swollen—no doubt from chewing on them through her earlier orgasm—and placed a soft kiss on them to soothe them. Resting his forehead on hers, he reached his hand between their bodies, lining up his thick, leaking cock with her entrance and slowly pushed forward.

Y/N’s eyes fluttered at the intrusion, and soft, gasping curses escaped her with every inch he pushed in. Jensen stopped halfway to lift one of her legs, placing it around his waist. She took his other hand, clasping it with hers, letting them lay entwined by her head.

Jensen’s large hand gripped her thigh and he pushed forward until he was fully sheathed inside her. His groan was loud and animalistic, sounding painful, but it was anything but. It was euphoric, and if he died right now, he’d go a really fucking happy man. And if the whimper that left her throat was anything to go by, she would too.

Y/N’s free hand reached up to cup Jensen’s cheek, and he nuzzled further into her touch and pressed his lips to her palm. “Baby, I'm not gonna last,” he whispered to her in the dark. “You feel too good.”

“‘S okay, me either. I’m already close,” Y/N smiled, wrapped her hand around his neck and pulled him down to her lips. It was a sloppy kiss, all teeth and too much tongue, but nothing had felt more perfect.

Jensen pulled his hips back and thrust forward, his grip on her thigh rough. He knew she’d have bruises, but something about knowing how she got them spurred him on, and his hips thrust harder and deeper.

When Y/N slid her hand down her body to work her clit, Jensen gave her a grateful smile. He was so close to coming, and although he already gave himself a pep talk about it, he really didn’t want the first time he made love to his wife in months to be over before he could watch her fall apart underneath him.

It didn’t take long before her walls began to spasm, and Jensen pushed her leg up so her knee was almost resting on her shoulder and went deeper with his next thrust, hitting that sweet spot inside. If he thought he would leave bruises on her before, he knew now that he definitely would.

Jensen’s hips kept up their deep thrusts until her walls stopped clenching, and her body lay limp underneath him. Finally, he allowed himself to let go. Shoving himself as far inside her as he could get, circling and grinding his hips, her high-pitched whine telling him he was pressing himself into her cervix.

Y/N’s big doe eyes fixed their gaze on him, her face luminous with her afterglow and biting on her bottom lip. “I love you, Jensen,” she whispered in the darkness.

“I love you too, Y/N,” he groaned as he jerked his hips impossibly deeper inside her, coming with a deep growl, painting her walls with his warm, sticky seed.

Jensen let go of her leg, smiling as it found a new home around his waist and lay his head on her chest, careful to keep his weight on his arms so he didn’t crush her. Y/N’s hands fixed themselves in his long hair, teasing the strands between her fingers and gently scratching at his scalp, making him shiver at the intimacy of the gesture.

“I will never make you doubt me again, baby,” Jensen murmured.

Y/N nodded and blinked, trying to shake off the emotion she felt. “I know, baby. I promise to talk to you more about how I feel when you’re working away.”

“And I promise to do the same,” Jensen said, raising himself on his elbows and bending down to kiss her slowly, passionately and filled with love. Her arms wrapped around his strong shoulders, not wanting to untangle her body from his yet.

Y/N grinned into her husband’s lips as she felt him harden within her again just as the sun broke over the horizon, bathing their bedroom in bright, golden light. As Jensen began to grind his hips, a giggle escaped her throat as she basked in the self-confidence she’d been missing for the past few months.

A day in bed with Jensen is just what Y/N needed.

THE END

<<Part One

Jensen / Dean Tags: @akshi8278 @deanwanddamonss @deans-baby-momma @siospins2 @sexyvixen7 @leigh70 @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27 @candy-coated-misery0731 @im-totally-not-dezi @supernaturalneurodivergentwolf @mrsfox79

[bitchfitch]

i mean, hey, pavo and esti seem to be on your mind so, assorted emojis for them both and you can choose which is more interesting for you to respond with.

🥞-🏊-🎷-❇️-💧-🌠

hhhh thaeym.

🥞 PANCAKE - what is their comfort breakfast?

Pavos greatest secret that only Esti knows is that he like, Legitimately enjoys eating raw eggs. When Pavo is in a mood that man is just going to down some egg. Esti likes pancakes with sausage and pretending he isnt seeing what Pavo is doing.

🏊 SWIMMING - can they swim? or are they afraid of water? how well do they swim? how do they feel about swimming in the ocean?

They both can swim but neither are ever happy to have to. Esti especially fucking Hates it and will go out of his way to avoid having to swim or be in any water that wasn't drawn up for a nice bath. He doesn't like the smell and amount of creatures he has to share with in a natural body of water. Pavo has seen the ocean but never swam in it and probably wouldn't mind the experience while also not being the sort to crave doing it again. Esti hasn't seen the ocean and would have a sobbing panic attack if he felt 1(one) piece of seaweed touch his leg while swimming in it.

🎷 SAXOPHONE - do they play any instruments? are they any good at it?

Pavo said learning an instrument would help curate and exercise Esti's mind. Esti does know how to play the harp fairly well because of that, but he also knows how to make a harp disappear and never be found again because of it too. Pavo never tells him he did the exact same thing as a young man because that would devalue the lecture Esti got about it.

❇️ SPARKLE - what is their most prized possession? what do they value?

Pavo has a few basically identical sets of prosthetic eyes, but only one travel case for them. It can only hold a single set and it was rectangular box when he first got it as a child, but now the edges have been worn so much and it's been patched so many times it looks more like it's meant to be a weird rounded octagon with four long sides and four short. It's not particularly special, but it's still weirdly important to him and he refuses to get a new one. He doesn't tend to value items at all, he'll collect expensive things to keep around but that's more a flaunting of wealth than any real attachment to them or their aesthetics.

Esti has a dagger that was his birth father's, it's very plain and not at all remarkable, but it's the only thing he has of the man since he died before Esti was born. He holds it close and carries it with him but doesn't really ever use it for anything more likely to damage it than cutting a piece of fruit might. he's not the sort to become attached to items either, but when he does it's usually because the item reminds him of someone or something important to him.

💧 DROPLET - random angst headcanon

Pavo was born with significant deformities. He's the older of him and his brother, and he adores Truthahn, he really does, but there's a part of him that resents all the love and opportunity Truthahn gets that was denied to him because of his looks and blindness.

Truthahn is king, and Pavo doesn't even have a real title. He's always been playing second to his little brother and knows he was the spare that was kept around just in case something happened to Truthahn. That's about 90% of the reason hes as nasty as he is. He needs to prove he's the better of the two in one arena, and ruthless conquest just happens to be the thing Truthahn has no interest in being directly responsible for.

[lisxdumbr]

i Finally finished the reply (I just woke up from taking a nap)

I don't mind you replying to both asks in one post at all! ♪ I intended for my asks to be separated so you can answer each with half the whole burden divided since they're pretty.. Long, yanno? Easier and faster to reply to each. Before anything else, thank you for taking out some of your precious time to reply !! I do have a small request tho, since the asks and reply can get long, will it alright for you if you can put *read more*? :0 I just feel like not wanting to take up space on someone's feed since i feel bad and so so sdfjfhds. I hope that's okay for you; I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. help. BONJOUR to you☆ for the greetings, because I have no idea what to go for the greeting.

Themes can somehow show a person's uniqueness, a quick insight to their aesthetic choices and such, so it's a lovely thought! There will always be someone who will like what you do and create <3 I have seen Qian's!! but i am unsure about Soren's (have not seen it), either way, their themes surely look beautiful even if I have not witnessed it all 🙌✨

HI you are a Moon too...!! mm I don't know, but it radiated Yuta energy to me when you said that. I agree with the thing about the units choosing you !! There will be units you thought you'd like at first, but they don't survive in the end as the actual units you produce </3 you'll never know when it happens. I HAVE READ THE 2WINKVERSARY it is lovely. I think it made me tear up a bit, I can feel your love for them, and the journey along the twins hand in hand throughout the time. Sobs. It's really meant to be, isn't it?

Enstarsblr is wonderful, there's lots of nice people if you know where to look. I'm happy that it's a nice and welcoming community, good for everyone in here !! With the mention of the prev year, I have heard that it's quite the tiny community filled with peace back then (am not yet into enstars). I'll extend my support too, wherever they may be.

Controlling fear of bugs is so amazing that you could do it !! am so proud of you <33 i feel the same about thinking dragonflies were small, but they Weren't. Brings me back to the gigantic dragonflies of the prehistoric age, the Meganeura. Yes, the Horrors... If a cockroach in the area attempts to fly, pls see me in heaven.

Back then while I was doing my homework in our living room, there's a grasshopper (yes it aint crickets usually but they're similar in the jumping sense,,,) in the corner. More often than not, instances when there's a grasshopper in the house, it coincidences with the nearing date of our deceased relative's birthdays (more on my grandpas/grannys). It's like a culture belief in my country, like a dead relative visiting you in form of insects.

The horrible thing about them is when they JUMP. I am terrified. So when I saw one in the corner of our living room ( i have high insect detection instincts due to being afraid of them. and yet usually they say theres no bug in there when i see it with my two eyes ) I said, "Pack it up, soldiers. We're going home," and left everything else unattended for I will die within the presence of the grasshopper. I am very comfy with having sunflower as my emoji, don't worry !! ✨

Philo and psych are two interesting subjects to study, I hope you learned a bunch of things from studying it !! Absolutely take your time to answer, I beg of you... I get carried away when chatting (haha.,,..) so it results in typing long messages. and of course, more importantly, Take care now!! 💗 (i'll follow up the second reply)

P.S: How do i stop talking.. goodness. I cannot shut up for the life of me. I have the 2nd part ready, but it is Long as well, like a Ramble. Please answer my asks when you have the time Only !! Conserve thy energy for better things <3

— 🌻.

HELLOOO LOVELY ANON WHO GIVES ME A SEROTONIN BOOST EVERY TIME. I apologize for the time it took me to get to your ask ;; I hope you're doing great today btw !! I decided to reply to both of your asks in one post (again) but separately (?) this time, just trying formats.

And sure !! I didn't think about the length of the post at all because of the new Tumblr "expand" thing, but let's give it a try !

I still believe you're too kind when talking about my themes, oooh you should've seen my past ones. I still miss the Lemon Squash Cheers one and the No Name Yet Kohaku too ♡ I've been thinking I should. return to them one day, but I'd have to search for the assets I used and hhh. (Pretty sure I saved them on purpose because of this idea but my gallery is a mess 0(-( ). And !! I decided I will change to the Trick w Treat Yuta actually! When school allows me (fee me).

YOU SHOULD SEE SORENCAT'S THEMES. it's so unfortunate you can't see his past themes </33 (I'm crossing my fingers that he won't read this, else it'll be embarrassing) but,, he was a huge inspiration for me when designing themes. Actually the entire layout of my edit blog is so inspired in the layouts he previously had. HIS BRAIN >>> my favorite ones were both his autumn and winter themes (from last year) perhaps I have a screenshot? 👀 (As I implied before my gallery is a mess. I never delete anything, it's horrifying) but even if I did, I guess I'd need his permission to show u,, ANYWAY. I'm rambling about my friend and you don't even know him I believe-- his user is @ nnatsume ! He's currently on hiatus but he's as treasured as anyone,, even if we don't talk much anymore </3

YOU'RE SO !!!?&?&! I'm going to hold you in my hand. That actually irradiated Yuta energy??? I keep finding details that make us more and more similar. I am. so ashamed that you had to see my 2winkversary,, I went a bit insane there ummm twiddle. Enstarsblr was indeed one of the most beautiful places on earth, I'm sad to admit that the community crushed and divided itself after Eng release and the amount of new people getting involved </3

See I'm not mad at the newcomers or anything, glad they're enjoying their time. But I am a bit bitter towards them because, small parenthesis;

At the beginning they started causing a lot of controversy over stuff they were ignorant about. I remember they started insulting Anzu and "cancelling characters for being problematic" and they also refused to read stories--

I'm a silly little #gatekeeper idk I just don't like my interests to be mainstream (that's on me ik)

Ohhhmygod the amount of weird people plaguing the main tag now,, enstblr used to be a very tranquil space, not updated that much and with so little people on it we literally knew everyone. We could spot newcomers and welcome them in an instant. Now you see 70 different people there a day, and let's not talk about the,, fics. I'm personally not against dark content (I actually like some of it) or the NSFUU because it's just another genre of writing but,, does it has to plague the entire tag,, there's not even a balance, every day I check the tag and there are 20 different works from accounts I haven't seen in my life and like. 10 of them are nsw help me Jesus 0(-(

I know there are cool people among the newcomers probably, but I can't help but think about the golden era. Those shiny days we had last year and at the beginning of this year.. I miss them, I wish I could go back </3

This is such a jump of topics, but !! Yeah I'm surprised at myself too. This is going to sound stupidly silly but,, even if this "fear of bugs control" started a while ago, it actually started developing much more when I started thinking to myself "if Yuuta was here, who would protect him from the bugs!?" and for some reason that. helped a lot ????? I don't know if you know this but he's absolutely terrified of insects and I found that so cute he's the silliest YOUR INSTINCT IS AMAZING THOUGH, I was going to say a fun fact about scorpions, but I decided that. maybe it wouldn't be the best thing to do if you fear them. well.

It's totally ok to ramble btw, I enjoy reading you ! And I love looove talking too, so it's ok really <3

ー 〜 ー 〜 ー　♧　ー 〜 ー 〜 ー

Second ask <3

Omg... various face paints, I'd like to see that !! it's so nice that the face paints do not limit creativity, and allows it to grow. Ooh, although I cannot personally add a comment on your opinion, I looked up Skelita and !! She looks so amazing + according to the description, she has a nice personality too!! I love the orange highlights and colorful dress.

Worry not !! I'm glad you're at least fine, it means a lot already ^_^ Yeahhhh... homework... *collapses just by the thought of it* Liking your classes is so niceee waahh, I'm happy you're at least enjoying them ! OHHH your creative projects seems so interesting, I hope it goes well and you enjoy the process of doing so !! Media is a blessing, since it inspires us to find outlets for our hyperfixations and interests. I have some vague ideas in my mind for the final project, but it only focuses on aesthetics and symbolisms, if that's allowed within the "anything" range your teacher told you,,, let me know if you wanna hear it. all the best <3

thank you, i will be dropping by whenever i have the time (i actually typed this hours ago before i passed out ) also the amount of 0(-( in the second reply is sending me. i love that. 읏.

anon lore... i guess you could call it like that,... im not supposed to reveal that im a reiP first and foremost however i figured that it would make sense since it's timely that his fs 2 is around. 100 pulls hurts a lot in jp server,,, lis i am so sorry for your lost dias :((( .... this happened to me. Rei is a [redacted] for making me pull 130 pulls on his noir neige banner on taiwan server and NO, he did not came home. I think i lost my sanity along with my dias due to that.

I SUPPORT HINATAP agenda. idk to yuta, deserved... perhaps. there's something with liking a sibling which makes the other sibling to come home to you instead (hello ritsu). update: i tried doing single pulls until my dias went exactly to 1k, no rei for now!! in the future i hope. I HOPE YOU GET MIRAGE YUTA 3 MONTHS LATER !! *does the same violent act to yuta and throws many copies of mirage yuta to you. might as well kidnap him the izumi way. ( i am sorry )* Deeply thinking about what if the hinata cards that came home to you were supposed to be yuta in disguise but before he could change he was pulled in disguise as hinata (coping mechanism,, maybe.)

NOOOOOOO kanata..!!! they got fs 2 rei x2, but at what cost.. when kanata didn't puka puka his way to his pulls !! kanata probably floated in the wrong water 😭 i hope they get kanata too after 3 months !! love and support from an oddballsP <3 peace and love !!! we shall get our favs after 3 months... *prepares weapons and equipment for war* Being f2p in this game spells suffering. " i blocked him that day" HELP ME. That is so understandable fjdsjdks

& ! I did had an amazing day !! (it's midnight as we speak right now) MAY YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY AS WELL!! <3 heart heart. i talked a lott. Help. I just hope my asks were at least good reading materials to you, like a newspaper. See you !!

I'm so glad you feel interested in the culture !! It's actually, really wide (and cool too) honestly reading your reply hit me like a truck. Oh mein gott, sometimes I forget people grow in different environments and that not all experiences are similar to mine but. You're the first person who tells me they didn't know Skelita, I felt 💥 (am I getting old. are people these days not into MH anymore...? ‹/3)

And yeah !! My subjects are so cool, I'd love to hear your final project ideas btw <3 anything means anything. It's not the idea, but the way you execute it you know? 👀 I can use any concept if I'm able to demonstrate I actually learned techniques and composition and all that stuff.

I'm glad you love the 0(-( because that's. Me. That's my energy. 0(-( and yeah 100 pulls is. a lot. It pains me but well, one day ! Also omg I'm so sorry :(( I've never played twstars but I believe they hold the same system as foreign servers in general?? Hopefully you could replenish your dia quickly ! I actually pulled for that Rei too (and didn't get him aha) because,, Noir Neige my beloved and the ultimatum of my insanity. I wanted to grind that Ritsu but I had to save because I was a bit broke,, (and thanks god because the amount of faves that came after,, ohh if you knew).

HELP ME, hand me the Ritsus, I've been wanting kitty Ritsu since day 1. ACTUALLY since day 0. I knew about that card before I started playing and I knew I wanted it as soon as I created my account (and guess what. hueh. points at my empty Ritsu stock). THANK YOU SO MUCH. I hope so too :(( lady year I didn't get Fruitful Yuu either and he came in a free pull like. 6 months later so !! I have faith (though I give the credit to my friend Marchie (@ rinnelovebot) because before pulling she wished me to get a Yuta and !! It happened (and she's so lucky with my faves, she has the Hinata card I'm missing 0(-( ) Maybe they keep switching places, perhaps. Also it's ok if you kidnap him, deserved, I mean he already has experience after nightclub so hwJJBDHHWBFB I'm not sorry.

We all adore the eccentrics <33 my beloved weird geniuses. I miss them every day. I hope you get all your Reis in the future btw !! wishing you luck <3

Have a nice day too !! Yes your asks are amazing and good ! do not feel bad about talking and infodumping if it makes you happy ♡

[donutbf]

ooh new blog, hi donut!! i love ur writing so far. having c!dream brain rot atm... maybe when dream breaks out of prison he visits reader and it’s just nice “i missed you” sex,,, headfull

also, 💌 anon perhaps ?

ahhhh, tysm! glad you enjoy it and its rlly nice than you decided to let me know what you think about my writing! <3

and like actually 80-90% of my simping is solely for c!dream so i gotta say, BIIIIIIG fucken same. the c!dream brain rot is deep and real. he’s godawful and i love him deeply. i watch him fuck things up im like <3 <3 <3 cute voice go brrrrrr

anyways there were a few different directions i could imagine for this scenario... 

like, either him roughly taking out all his pent-up frustrations on you, him being incredibly touchstarved all whiny and submissive - happy with anything you’ll give him, or it being uncharacteristically tender and loving.

you said ‘nice’ so i’m going w/ the third one. sorry if im barking up the wrong tree here!

edit: i wrote that intro before i wrote the piece itself and i meant for it to be tender and loving but its more like tender and angsty im-

oh! and psst- that emoji is so cute. great choice. you can indeed be 💌 anon! <3

(long NSFW elaboration under the cut. i uh. really went buck-fuckin-wild here. oh my god......)

sometimes people wonder whether or not there’s a person behind that smile.

that mask he’s never seen without. represented by a smile. a mockery of any true expression of joy.

he’s done so many awful things. he’s hurt people. badly. it’s what landed him in that godforsaken prison in the first place. everywhere he goes, he leaves behind an indelible scar.

they could call him a god, or a man with the makings of the devil - or a million other names that lie in between - but you know better.

you know him.

there is a living, breathing human behind that mask and you know him well. you know him with your hands and your lips and your tongue. you know his breath and you’d know him without sight.

you’d know him to the ends of the earth.

so when you find him on your doorstep in the middle of the night - hazy in the moonlight - a part of you distantly wonders if you’re still asleep. but the other part just knows. there’s no mistake. he’s here. 

your dream has come back to you, the way he always swore he would.

you’re not an idiot. you love him, but you could never believe blindly in him. you saw what he did. what he’s done. to agree with all of it... that’d make you naïve at best, a wild fanatic at worst.

even before all of… this, you had differing stances. your faith in him was always balanced. 

this is one thing you never doubted from this stubborn, broken fool before you. 

he’d always come back to you.

you reach out a hand towards him. you want to cradle his face, to make sure that he’s actually here in the flesh - because it doesn’t seem quite real yet - and he flinches reflexively. at this, your heart drops into the pit of your stomach. still, he lets you touch him.

ushering him inside, quickly, quickly, to the privacy of the house, you’re thankful for the isolation of your home and the solitude of the night. if anybody saw you right now, housing him… it just doesn’t bear thinking about.

“dream,” you murmur. you have so much you need to talk about, but right now, nothing else has to be said.

your thumb brushes against a new crack in the surface of his ever-smiling mask, almost split in two now.

he’s not smiling.

fingertips trace every bump and divot you know so well, before slowly taking it off and discarding it on the table behind you.

he looks like fucking hell. you’ve certainly known him to get into scrapes and fights, and even yelled at him for his carelessness before,,, but this? this is something else entirely.

it’s the result of weeks upon weeks of senseless beatings - underfed and unhealing - never given the time or space to regen.

you want to touch him all over, to hold him together in your hands like some fragile thing, but you’re so, so afraid that he might’ve already broken.

neither of you have even attempted to breach the silence yet.

you lead him by the hand to the bed. for rest, is what you think, but he stoops down to tuck his face into neck and inhales, deeply, his hands creeping lower down the front of your body. 

he breaks the silence first, deftly trading it for the quiet instead.

“please let me feel you...” his voice is barely a whisper, the sound a cracked, hoarse thing.

to touch another person kindly, after so long spent alone and in pain. to know that you’re still here, and that you haven’t left me. because i love you.

so many reasons and they all go unsaid.

still, you understand him.

clothes are peeled off and bodies are re-explored after so much time spent apart. his bare body’s on display in front of you, all long limbs and pale skin. what was previously smooth and soft now lays dry and cracked - marred with injury - before you.

his eyes won't meet yours. it's something he’s never done before in bed with you. another newly ingrained habit, like the flinch. 

you wonder if he’s ashamed right now; if he feels ugly before you, even. he wouldn’t care how he looks to anybody else, but it’s you. and that matters to him. (and the force of just how MUCH it matters terrifies him.)

malnourished and beaten half to death, you still couldn’t find him anything other than beautiful.

cupping his cheeks, you gently tilt his face up to yours, meeting his lips in a slow kiss. every movement of your lips against his is lazy but deliberate.

you touch him as gently as you can, trying to avoid brushing against the myriad of bruises peppering his skin, and cuts both old and new.

even with your efforts, at times you catch him slightly pained - when a touch makes him twitch and wince, sucking in a shallow breath behind gritted teeth.

though he tries his best to hide this - the same way he does in battle, to gain the upper hand - even he knows that he can't hide anything from you.

he preps you but you don't take as long as you maybe should. your movements may be slow and cautious, but you’re both desperate for each other, completely ravenous to feel each other. 

you sink down onto him and bite your lip at the feeling of him stuffing you full, stretching you open. god, its been so long.

and apparently, being inside you is what finally breaks the dam. he starts to cry, loudly. 

burning hot tears roll down his cheeks and his face goes ruddy with emotion as he starts to talk. his hips never stop pounding up into you.

the pace he sets is erratic, his thrusts stuttering much more than you’ve ever had with him before - the man you’ve always known to be so deliberate and ever in control - but it's all excusable. everything is so different now. what even is the new usual?

“god, i missed you so much. i sat in that cell and- and all i could think about was you. i felt like i was going insane, maybe i have- i thought you’d move on, that you’d leave me. fuck. fuck! i’m so fucked, i’m a mess, i’m bad, i don’t deserve you, i- i...” 

and he keeps going. he sounds like raw, jagged edges torn in two, his breaths hitching and his voice cracking open on almost every syllable. 

eventually the open sobs devolve into silent tears and the mindless, shaky repetition of your name. 

he holds your name in his mouth like its a precious thing, a word he doesn't deserve to say but chooses to say anyway.

he says it twenty times, thirty times, until it doesn't even sound like a word anymore. your name is on his lips when he cums.

physically sated and emotionally drained, you both sink into the bed together. all you can do is hold each other tight and try not to think about the magnitude of what you’ve done, and what tomorrow could possibly bring.

whatever happens - heaven or hell - at least you’ve had tonight. 

that will have to be enough.

[binniesthighs]

telepatía | reader x binsung

a/n: hi cuties! hope ya’ll are are staying seggsy and cozy! ;) this piece is 100% self indulgent (hehe) as well as my first time writing a poly r/ship! since i’m new at it, any and all feedback is super super appreciated!! <3 

telepatía | changbin x reader x jisung 

~aka, my love note to binsung~ 

Pairing: self insert, seo changbin x female reader x han jisung 

Genre: fluff n’ smut 

Tags: poly relationship, long distance r/ship au, established r/ship au, inspired by a song au, comfort fic, lil bit emotional but that’s bc they are in looove, idiots in love, softdom!binnie, hardswitch!reader, softsub!jisung, mentions of food, explicit language, masturbation (f), dirrrrty talking, hehe soft love makin’, lowkey size and corruption kink, unprotected sex, oral (m&f), face sitting, penetration (piv and anal), double penetration (f), nipple play (m&f), fingering (f), squirting, marking, multiple orgasms, creampie, ahhh soft n’ intimate body touching, cockwarming, shower aftercare, i am so sorry i got sooooo carried away teehee 

Word count: 7.9k 

Recommended listening: telepatía by kali uchis 

Two months. Two months that had felt like eternity. 

Your pen tapped at the table to your desk as you watched the minutes pass by. To your right, your desk calendar with your little countdown smiled at you with the little doodles had drawn along with the stickers that you had decorated there. 

Five more days! 

The golden hour of the day passed by outside your window upon the city that you had been calling home for the past two months. It was gorgeous. Unreal even. Studying abroad had been harder than you had expected--although it was often exciting at other times too. There was not a day that passed when you had regretting doing it, but there were other days when you had wished you could just transport yourself right back home; even if it meant it would be for only a couple hours of so. 

During nights like these, your cramped little studio felt even more empty than usual. The colors of gold and pink would smear in the skyline along with pale pink clouds that looked softer and lusher than anything else in the world. In the springtime, the budding and green trees lined the outside of the apartment complex and birds twittering past would flutter their wings outside of your window cracked open slightly. As the days went by, the air warmed and became more humid, and smelled of luxurious primrose and hyacinths. 

Your room was dimly lit by your desk lamp, and you hadn’t bothered to turn on any other light. Pages wrinkled, and your sense of loneliness came creeping in like the cold winter that the new season had now just chased away. You didn’t want the feeling to linger, but you couldn’t help but let it. 

The sheets of your bed were cozy, much like the rest of the way that you had decorated your studio. The cream colored covers felt like silk on your legs, but where nothing compared to the touch that you craved. 

Your phone clicked on with it’s blue-white light, showing your screensaver: a beautiful sunset image of that last walk that you had taken of the two of them before you had left. 

If it were possible, you imagined that missing one person was enough to shatter a heart, but two people? 

You hugged your phone to your chest, feigning some semblance of a hug to the two of them. Your nose sniffled as it grew more stuffed, and you let your suppressed sobs fill up the space of the room. 

You were convinced that you must've been the the luckiest or the unluckiest person in the whole world: two loves of your life, two people to share it all with had been like a dream come true. It was finally something that felt like it made sense. But, to be so closely tied to two people, meant that being away from them hurt two times as much. 

You imagined them with you in your room: they loved to sandwich you in the middle of them. This was their favorite place to have you. Nothing had been warmer and safer than that. Arms and legs would be all tied together in a way that made little sense, and both of their quiet breathing would tickle at the skin of the back of your neck and your forehead. If there was anything that you had guessed you missed most, it would be falling asleep with them. “I love you’s” would be whispered, and all space between you dissapear once the down comforter would be pulled to your noses. 

No matter how hard you pretended that they were there, it was never the same. 

[it takes three to make a thing go right] binnie, sungie, me 

binnie: have you had dinner yet? please don’t forget! 

jisung: [see image] this is what we’re having for breakfast! we wish you were here with us! 

With shaking fingers you opened the picture to view Jisung’s attempts at cooking. He had been getting into it these days. You had almost wished sometimes that you had been there to try whatever he had concocted--even if it didn’t taste the best. Today it looked like he had tried to make fluffy pancakes with strawberries and cream...but they didn’t end up as fluffy as they should’ve been. Changbin was in the background of the picture making a couple finger hearts. Undoubtedly Jisung had asked him to do it for the picture: Changbin was more of the no-nonsense and stoic type with somewhat of a goofy edge. You and Jisung always knew how to make him melt. “You two are my weaknesses you know?” 

sungie: don’t stay up too late either! finish strong before you come back, okay? 

binnie: we really can’t wait to see you, five days can’t come soon enough. 

You sniffled, sitting up. Had they been there then, they wouldn’t have liked to see you cry. Although your heart stung with a sharp pain seeing them so happy together, you brought yourself back together. You knew exactly how it would’ve been: Jisung would dry your tears gently, then cuddle right up under your arm to nuzzle into your shoulder. Behind the both of you, Changbin would spread his arms wide so both of you could be wrapped up in him. 

me: i really miss you both. i miss you so, so much. i can’t wait to see you on Friday. don’t have too much fun without me until then :) 

binnie: you kidding? we’re miserable without you!! i think that we’re both going crazy. 

sungie: he’s right!! it feels so weird, it always has been these past months. 

we’re not complete without you, y/n. we miss you too sooooo much. 

and you know that bin gets crabby sometimes. when it’s just me around... 

bin: hey! the hell you mean crabby?! i’m a frickin angel!!! 

The way that you could read each of their messages in their voices brought you comfort, and you giggled a little reading the words. 

sungie: relax! i’m just trying to make her laugh. did i succeed?

me: you did sungie. :) 

bin: you forget that i’m sitting right next to you sung, you’re playing a risky game. 

sungie: ooooh he talks such big talk, are you seeing this y/n? do you see what i mean? plz come back and save me!!! 

bin: HEY 

me: binnnnn go easy on sungie. 

bin: i do!!! 

i only go rough when he asks me too ;) 

sungie: w o w 

While it did make you laugh, it still hurt a little thinking about how even with you missing, their lives still went on, they ate meals together, went to concerts, movies, out to eat, and, at the end of the day, they still had eachother to cuddle up with to sleep. It hurt even more thinking about how they still had eachother to satisfy other comforts. Of course, you were still involved over the phone and video calls too, but with thousands of miles of distance, your hands alone could never feel as mind-blowing as theirs. 

binnie: there will be plenty of that when you get back too y/n ;) sung has maybe had it too easy. 

me: hmm too easy? 

Jisung send a series of emoji stickers that all conveyed about the same message: oh my god i’m in trouble. 

binnie: anyway, jokes aside, we are really looking forward to friday. sungie and i have been talking about it and we think we just want to spend the night in if that’s okay with you? you’ll be tired too. 

As always, your boyfriends were the most considerate people in likely the whole world. You didn’t really want to be anywhere else, but just with the two of them; as close as you possibly could be. 

me: that sounds perfect. <3 

sungie: get some rest tonight!! in the morning get yourself something nice for breakfast, i can send you some money hehe 

binnie: boyfriend of the year award over here ! ! 

sungie: hey, we’re both boyfriend of the year! duh, she loves us the same??? 

me: that’s very true. 

binnie: pffff

sungie: don’t make me tackle you seo changbin, i am sitting right next to you

binnie: is that a promise? 

me: boys, boys stop fighting, you’re both boyfriend of the year. 

binnie: see? y/n, we’re a mess without you. 

sungie: changbin, you’re my boyfriend of the year too. does that make you feel better? 

binnie: maybe. 

sungie: we’re keeping y/n from getting dinner. we should shut up now. 

anyhoo! 

we love and miss you a lot a lot. take care until friday! we’re almost there!!!! 

binnie: BUT I LOVE HER MORE 

sungie: bin, i love you, but please, shut up. 

binnie: i’m joking!! sungie i’m joking. this is an equal relationship obviously. 

By now, their usual antics had left your tearstained face dry, and the corners of your mouth sore from how hard you had smiled. 

binnie: see you soon! goodnight y/n! 

sungie: night y/n <3 

You clicked your phone closed, then let your weight drop down to your pillow that held the smell of the evening air. 

“It’ll be sooner than you think.” You sighed. 

It was much too nice of a night to be doing homework, so you decided to push it off for just a couple more hours, flicking on your dinky TV set to a local station where they spoke in the language that you had been teaching to yourself for the past couple months. Here and there you could recognize a few words, but you mostly liked it for the noise. 

You pulled your thin sheet over your bare legs, merely enjoying the simplicity of the feeling over your whole body. 

there will be plenty of that when you get back home too. 

we love and miss you a lot a lot. 

Two months for imagining...and you had learned to hone your skill especially, even if it didn’t feel the same. Even though missing them hurt, you could still feel the love from them from thousands of miles away. They had said themselves that they didn’t feel complete without you. 

The silky feeling sheets tickled at the hairs on your arms as your hand teased down your stomach, then toyed with the elastic of your panties under cotton shorts. You blamed it on the night being especially pleasant, or maybe it was just what you and needed at that moment. 

You wondered how much they had missed you, if they thought of you when their hands would run over each other, or perhaps even if they would imagine that you were there with them when they hold each other close, tiny gaps and moans stick on their lips while they would pleasure each other too. You in fact had thought of them: Jisung’s pretty moans and the way that Changbin liked to suck little bites into his neck. 

That spring air hushed into your window with the softness of a song, and curious fingers dipped into your folds and twitching bud which was wet to the touch. Your body jolted at the feeling of your fingers on your suddenly needy clit. Your mind ran wild thinking of the way that both of them had looked beside you, one of their hands dipping under the fabric of your panties and the other lightly twisting at your nipples too. Absentmindedly, your own hand reached to mimic the action on your breast while you remembered. Careful kisses would be pressed into your cheek and neck while they whispered adoring little praises in your ears. 

“You’re so beautiful baby, like nothing else.” 

“We love you so much. My princess, such a good girl for me, hm? You like how our hands look on you?” 

Your body shivered at the memory, and you rubbed circles into your clit, gathering your own sticky slick to rub over the sensitive bud. 

“Yes,” You whispered to the empty room. 

The golden setting sun reflected fractals of tiny rainbows into your room--just as your prism had done hanging in the window back at home. It would reflect on the stucco walls, and the colors would streak on the ceiling. You would catch sight of them laying tangled up in scattered sheets with both of their bodies prowling over you in bare skin. You could trace the curves of their shoulder blades like the edge of perfectly crested waves. A faraway warmth swelled over your body, and you rubbed harshly at your bud craving more and and more. Your legs squirmed under the sheets: much like they would when they would bow their heads to tease at your clit with interweaving tongues, sandwiched between your thighs which they would pull back with starving fingertips. You could almost hear it: the way that your slick would drip over your pussy, and how they would taste it too on each others lips in between. 

Your back arched recalling their praise. They would pull you between them once again, and fill your mouth with adoring kisses covered with multitudes of their love. Jisung would mewl little whines into your mouth, shaking from your hand wrapped around his cock, and Changbin kissed you like you were his reason for breathing: slow, languid, purposeful. He’d sigh out watching the way that you marked up Jisung’s body while pumping himself all the while. 

“Binnie. Sungie.” Their names became your anchor while your rubbed wider, then slower, then faster. Your soaked fingers plunged into your pussy while your head danced with the memories of them filling you up, rolling their hips in as deeply as thye could, kissing into your chest or the crook of your neck. You curved your fingers to tease at your g-spot, but your clit was even more impatient. 

“Do you want to cum for us princess?” 

“I’ll cum for you...” Your breath hitched in that room all by yourself. 

Your fingers wiggled back up to your clit, now hypersensitive from its lack of attention. Instantly, your orgasm built violently behind the twitching bud, and you threw your free arm back to grip into your pillow to steady yourself. Sweat had gathered on the underside of your thighs and on your back: it was a feeling so dirty that it only made your head feel lighter. It was as if they were in the room with you and you could see them clearly: enamored eyes dipped in lust that ate up your form until there was nothing left. 

“C-close.” You shuddered, now with pruned fingers encircling until you drew yourself right to the brink.

You came with a forceful heat that swept over your whole body and sent your hips jerking up into the air and toes digging into the bed. Your incisors bit harshly at your lip, and you stifled your unsteady and high pitched moans the best you possibly could. In your apartment complex, the walls were thin enough for there to be little left to the imagination. 

Your chest shook as you came down and you teased your bud, edging on overstimulation for as long as you could take it. Jisung had liked the way that you would convulse like this and Changbin would relentlessly give little slaps to your aching bud. Once you could take no more, you drew your hand back from the elastic, then you let the euphoria sweep over your body for a few moments of silence and tranquility. 

Yes, you had done it to yourself, but without their help, there was no way that you could’ve shown your body the same kind of fervent love. 

It was as if they could make love to you telepathically, even on this night when the sun was setting, and your bed was empty. 

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

You hadn’t expected yourself to feel nervous meeting them at the airport. Still, your heart pounded in your chest with a ridiculous rhythm. It wasn’t like you had a completely different face or had changed anything about yourself remotely  that would’ve shocked them. Still, a sense of anxiety swelled in you that was unexpected and unwarranted. Perhaps it was because it was so surreal. 

There was something odd about the airport, it was likely how industrial it all felt with chairs that were lined with thin upholstery and carpets that held all kinds of mysterious stains. But, while it was a bit of a undesirable area, it was teeming with excitement. There were patrons at the magazine stands busying themselves flipping through books and laughing at the outrageous titles, people sitting joyously at the little restaurants and several hyper children tugging the hands of exasperated parents with neck pillows clinging to their strained necks. Further down the way, there was the sign illuminated pointing to the pick up area past baggage claim. 

The air smelled overly filtered, but it was still as exhilarating. You took two escalators down and one moving walkway, then the light of the outdoors flooded the area with conveyor belts and the screens above them. 

“Y/n? Y/n!!!!” Jisung’s voice called over the busy sounds of baggage claim filled to the brim with his excitement. 

Before you got a chance to figure out where his voice had come from, your adorable boyfriend came charging at you with arms outstretched and an inhumanly large smile on his face. He scooped you up holding you so tightly that you had to teeter on your tip toes. While Jisung had a bit of a tiny frame, you never would’ve guessed from the scale of his hugs. 

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” He giggled out the words with a sense of disbelief, and he swung your body back and forth. “Oh my god I missed you sososo much.” 

Another set of arms peacefully wrapped around you and Jisung and squeezed you in even tighter. In one of his hands, the cellophane from a bouquet of pink roses crinkled. “It’s so nice to have you back.” Changbin cooed, then reached to pat your head with his free hand. 

 You blinked back your happy tears the best that you could. The three of you broke, and you looked at both of your boyfriends right in front of you for the first time in what felt like forever. Changbin squeezed Jisung’s shoulder while the boy wiped a couple tears for the corner of his eyes. 

You were biased, but they really were the most beautiful people in the world. 

“I-I missed you both too, more than you can imagine.” 

The two boys beamed, then presented you with your flowers. 

“‘Hope you like pink ‘cause that’s the last color that they had left.” Changbin chuckled, and you nodded profusely. 

“They’re gorgeous.” 

You decided, after two months of not seeing the damn loves of your life, you deserved to kiss them--fuck the glares that you would get.

First you grabbed Changbin by the cheeks to press a smiling kiss right into his surprised mouth, and kiss him like you were a high schooler starved for attention that was forbidden to them. Still, your boyfriend grabbed your face back, rubbing tenderly into your own cheeks. 

You winked to an equally shocked Jisung, “You next.” 

You kissed the stutters away on his lips, and then ran giddy lips over his which cracked with a smile so wide it made it a little hard to kiss him. He wrapped both of his arms around you to pull you in close and you ruffled up his caramel blond hair the best you possibly could. Beside you, Changbin chuckled out proudly. 

You had closed your eyes to kiss both of your boyfriends like they deserved. If someone had stared, well...you didn’t see it. 

Jisung was out of breath after your parted, then pushed up his glasses in his surprise. 

“That was....” 

“--Lets get home!!” You shined with a smile, then took off in front of them. “Are you coming or not??” 

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Jisung decided not to subject you to his home cooking, regardless of the fact that you had said that you wanted to try it. You had ordered take-out, and ate it picnic style on the floor to your living room in front of the TV playing a movie that none of you payed attention to. Regardless of the fact that your jet lag had hit you like a truck, your pure adrenaline upon seeing them kept your eyes from becoming weary. 

The normal questions had been asked: how are you classes, how is the food there, what are the people like, what is your apartment like, have you made friends etc. You asked Changbin about how his classes were going, and how Jisung’s part-time job at the café was and about the silly little things that you used to do as three, but they now had to as two. The consensus was that doing anything as two was strange and even a little awkward at times because they had gotten so used to having you around. 

Changbin cleared the dishes, making space for you to make up your little pillow fort that you would do at times. “It felt like there was a piece missing from us. It was...really hard sometimes too.” 

“It was for me too. Out there all alone...I had never realized that a bed meant for one person would be like, the saddest thing that there is on this earth.” 

“Small bed no more!” Jisung piped, then proceeded to wrap both his arms and legs around you the best he could. “Also small shower no more.” He nuzzled into your chest. 

One of the selling points of the apartment that you shared was actually the comically large shower that it came with. During the first few weeks after you had moved in, it was as if the three of you were physically incapable of taking a shower without the others being there. Changbin joked that it was as if they had made it just for the three of you in some kind of destined way. 

“Hmmm well, I think that we should make use of that as soon as possible.” 

Jisung let out a happy little hum in agreement then angled himself up to plant a couple quick kisses on your mouth and nose. Changbin threw down your array of pillows and other blankets, draping them over chairs to make a little tent like the three of you were toddlers hidden away in your secret place. 

“Sungie sandwich!!!” Jisung suddenly gasped out, “Binnie come on!!” 

Changbin scoffed, “I guess it has been a while...can’t say no to that.” 

Jisung squealed and the two of you made space for your boyfriend to come slide himself on the other side and make a proper “Sungie sandwich.” He kissed careful lips into the crook of Jisung’s neck which made the other boy giggle out in a tizzy: not only was he sensitive there, but it would tickle him too. You reached your arms over to tangle your fingers up in Changbin’s dark locks which were just as soft as you remembered. 

“This feels so amazing.” You sighed into Jisung who had crept his hands up your shirt. 

“It does.” Changbin agreed. “We’re complete again.” 

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Small bed no more was right. 

Jisung patted the middle spot, wearing only a white tee and his boxers. 

“Your spot awaits you princess.” 

“Don’t mind if I do!” 

Changbin sauntered over while he brushed his teeth, abandoning the idea of a shirt all together. 

Your eyes widened, “...Bin--” 

“--What?” He smugly smirked. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before?” 

“N-no.” 

Your other boyfriend scoffed, “He certainly knows that he’s hot, doesn’t he?” 

“He sure does.” Changbin dished out a prideful wink. 

With sarcasm laced in your voice, you turned to Jisung to say, “I’m so sorry you had to deal with that while I was gone.” 

Changbin’s voice echoed from the bathroom “HE LIKED IT!” 

Jisung waved him off, settling to beckon you under the thick and cozy comforter that you had daydreamed of more than once. 

“Are you comfy?” He hushed. 

“Mmhm! Comfiest I’ve been in months.” 

Just as he always would, Jisung would wrap you up so tight that it might’ve been a little suffocating--but it wasn’t like you minded in the slightest. The top of his poofy hair smelled like grapefruits somehow, and you hadn’t realized how much you had missed it. The feeling of your bare legs intertwined, and there was nothing that came close to such a perfect feeling. 

Your other boyfriend clicked off the light, then engulfed the both of you with his rather strong and intimidating arms. You knew for a fact that they were nothing but cuddly and harmless. Being like this with them was what you had missed most, and it was finally yours for the taking. 

“Are you guys asleep yet?” Jisung whispered after approximately five minutes of silence. 

“No,” Changbin murmured. “What is it?” 

“I-I dunno, I can’t fall asleep, I just keep thinking...” 

You flopped over to face him, “What is it Sungie? Everything okay?” 

Your adorable boyfriend stammered, then shied under the comforter in the dark of the room. “I-I don’t know if now is the right time, but...” It was noticeable how his tone had changed; you and Changbin knew it well. Jisung’s pitch would raise and his voice would crack when he wanted something. 

Changbin leaned over to click the light back on. “Sung, you don’t have to be so coy about it. I think that Y/n and I know you better than you know yourself.” 

Jisung’s eyes widened in his embarrassment, “You what??” 

Your headstrong boyfriend sighed, “Use your words Sungie.” 

His cheeks turned rosy, then he peeped, “It’s just that it’s been a really long time and I can’t stop thinking about it, and...Bin and I didn’t really do anything for like a week cause--” 

Your head whipped in Changbin’s direction, “What?” 

Changbin nodded solemnly saying, “Let him finish.” 

“--C-cause I wanted us to wait for when you came back so it could be like, extra special? Or...something like that.” He threw the blanket over his head. “It sounds so dumb when I say it out loud.” 

You really didn’t deserve someone like Jisung. Not in this lifetime or the next. You felt your limbs practically turn to jelly to hug your shy boyfriend. 

“It’s not dumb!! Not at all!! I think that it’s so sweet! You wanted to wait for me? Oh, baby...” 

With the blanket pulled back, you held his glistening eyes with yours. He really was irresistible when he would get like this. 

“I’m assuming that you wanna stop waiting, hm?” 

Changbin joined you in leaning over the shiest of you three, then shrugged down the cotton of your loose t-shirt to paint kisses into your shoulder. In the chill of the room, the warmth contrasted beautifully. 

“Yes or no Sungie? Because I defin--” 

“--Yes! Uh--I mean, yes, but--only if you aren’t too tired or if you want to.” 

“Sungie, how can I say no to you?” You bowed your neck to press loving little kisses into his lips which still tasted faintly of mint. He immediately give into you, grabbing out to hold your neck firmly as you did so. His hips squirmed slightly, as did his legs--he always was such an impatient baby. 

Changbin scooched in closer to caress down your back as you filled your boyfriend with every single kiss that you had been waiting months to give him. 

His voice was as soft as velvet, and full of his immense love for the two of you. Seeing both of you like this made him swell with such as sense of admiration, it was as if it was a high for him. “We’ll take care of you Sungie, we’d love to.” 

Even from Changbin’s praises, Jisung’s whole body would shiver, and you could feel it on your tongue too when you had politely asked for him to allow you entrance. 

Jisung set to work pulling your shirt up over your arms once you turned to Changbin to kiss over him roughly. He had liked it more that way: a collision of lips and teeth grazing over the softer parts of your mouth, gasps getting caught in between and the heat of tongues twisting as if you were as sweet as honey. As soon as you were rid of your shirt two sets of hands greedily crept up your body to twist and pull at your nipples which had hardened in seconds. Your head fell to Changbin’s shoulder while they teased and flicked at your sensitive buds until they hurt. 

“She’s so pretty, isn’t she?” Changbin growled, then cradled your head to lay you down. 

“The prettiest.” Jisung agreed, then hooked his fingers under the lacy part of your underwear that you might’ve worn with the purpose of them not staying on you for long. In return, you tugged at both of their waistbands for them to do the same. Cloth hit the bedside floor, and all that was left was Jisung’s shirt which you pulled off yourself. You only had a couple moments to look in the dim lighting of the room, but both of them had already dripped lightly with pearly drips of pre-cum and their hardening dicks throbbed against the mattress. Not only was it a heavenly sight to behold, but you knew that both of them were entirely for you. 

Changbin leaned down to flick his tongue around your hardened bud, then used his hand to kneed at your other breast with his powerful grasp. Jisung pulled your face towards him with hungry little whimpers that tickled your bottom lip, so you returned the favor by pulling his with your teeth. He recoiled beautifully from the feeling, and you saw your prefect window to slither down his body and wrap your hand around his pink cock. At first, you grazed your thumb over his slit roughly. 

“Did you miss my hand on your cock Sungie? Look at you...so hard for me, so worked up...do you want it that bad, baby?” 

“Y-yes, p-please...” 

Changbin kissed his way up your neck from your breasts sparkling from his saliva, then sucked love bites onto your collarbones and the soft parts of your neck. “Angel, I want to see you with Sungie’s dick in your mouth, can you do that?” 

You nodded, reveling in Changbin’s instructions. There was something about being told exactly what to do that made you feel so pliable. Changbin knew it well. You then worked kisses down your boyfriend’s body, pausing for a moment to flick your tongue over his nipples in the way that made his whole chest flush with pink. He laughed out in his pleasure with an airy breath too. You kissed gently at first, teasing your lips over, then sucking harshly with a trailing of teeth. His back arched, and he let out a delightful “ah-fuck!” 

You finished by peppering other little marks on his chest which faded from pink to violet in a matter of seconds. 

“Babyboy, you wanna taste my cock too?” Changbin greedily rose to kneel, then pumped his fist with tiny trailing breaths. 

Jisung’s eyes turned into full moons at the sight, then nodded excitedly while angling himself correctly. You and your boyfriend exchanged prideful little glances over the other’s eagerness. The pads of your fingers traced down Jisung’s thin frame, ghosting over his flaring abs and drawing little scribbles into his ribs. Your perfect position was set between this quivering thighs which welcomed you easily, and you took his deliciously pink cock in your hand to tease at him with thick stripes. You gathered saliva on your tongue so he could feel it, then used another hand to pump at him too. 

Jisung flattened out his tongue to swirl it around his boyfriends angrily red tip and maintained eye contact as Changbin preferred. As the smallest boy dipped his head in closer, Changbin entangled his fingers with those gorgeous caramel trellises. He sighed out at the feeling of his cock hitting the back of Jisung’s throat, and groaned out lowly once he heard the other choke on it lightly. 

“Fuck baby. Just like that..” 

You then took in Jisung’s length as deeply as you could: and it was no easy feat. Where Changbin dominated in girth, Jisung made up for in length. The action sent Jisung whining helplessly on Changbin’s dick, which only drove the other boy further into his passion. 

“You take me so well Sungie.” He cooed, and pulled out for Jisung to catch a few desperate gasps. 

Your saliva gathered in the corner of your mouth, and you licked it up and down the sides of Jisung’s cock-- but only for a few moments. You swallowed him down, pushing down the back of your throat just as you had long learned how to do. Merely feeling the weight of him in your mouth sent your pussy throbbing and your legs twisting for some kind of sensation. Of course, Changbin had noticed. 

“Open your legs sweetheart.” 

You did as you were told, and his thick fingers came journeying through your soaked folds, and he toyed with your clit and slicked his fingers with your arousal. His index and middle finger circled around you: it was a sensation that you had dreamed of endlessly. 

“Mm, Bin...” You moaned onto Jisung’s cock. 

“Pretty pussy of yours must’ve missed this, hm? My fingers fucking your wet little cunt? I missed it too...” 

You tried your best to maintain your strength once you had returned to sucking off Jisung’s dick, but you only seemed to unravel further. He rutted his hips into your mouth needily--an action which teased at your gag reflex, but you were stronger than that. 

Jisung’s own slobber fell down the side of his neck which Changbin held, just so he could feel the way that he filled up his boyfriends throat. With his other hand, he dipped it further inside your pussy, fucking you slowly at first. You knew that he loved the way that your slick sounded on his fingers. In response, your helpless moans vibrated on your boyfriend’s dick. 

“Y/n, I want your mouth too.” Changbin asked gravely with hooded and darkened eyes. You knew what you had to do next. His fingers slipped out from you, and you loathed feeling so empty, but you weren’t one to disobey him either. 

Changbin made space for you to lay on your stomach next to Jisung and then tapped his wetted dick on your lips as well, leaving Jisung gasping next to you. 

“Fucking show me how much you missed me.” 

You took him in, and you had nearly forgotten how sizeable he really was. It was startling, and as soon as you took in his full length, you had to fight back tears over how thick he really was. Regardless, the way that he could stretch you out like this was purely addictive. 

“Oh...fuck--baby...” Your boyfriends voice dropped several decibels. “My babies suck my dick s-so good don’t they?” 

Jisung nodded in his wonder at you, and Changbin dipped his thumb into his mouth afterword. Jisung always did love the taste. 

Changbin caressed your full cheek, “Don’t forget to share.” 

You took a deep breath, then let Jisung take his turn again. As he did so, you resumed your work at jerking off his dripping tip, and he reached to slide between your folds with long fingers. 

With both of your adoring glances, you and Jisung kissed and lapped up the sides of your boyfriend’s dick and his eyes rolled back at the ethereal sight. 

“H-holy sh-shit--” 

Your hips buckled once Jisung let his fingers plunge inside of you and high pitched mewls sent you clawing at Changbin’s hips for balance. 

“W-wait...” Changbin pulled himself away, and you knew that he must’ve been practicing the best restraint he could. “Sungie, you wanna taste her pussy too? Taste how sweet she is?” 

Jisung smiled widely, despite being a bit of slobbery and tear-stained himself. 

“I’ve been waiting for months to!” 

You looked to Changbin for approval. 

“Sit on his face then sweetheart? Wouldn’t you like to ride his face for me?” 

You nodded in your thrill, and the bedsheets crinkled under the sound of the three of you shifting your bodies back into the proper position. 

As it often would, the windows to your room fogged with steam--even though it was a beautiful spring evening. Pillows were strewn everywhere, and some of them nearly fell off the bed. Nevertheless, you had never been cozier wrapped in the clean threads and with your sweating skin pressed against heated bodies.

Jisung firstly kissed at your wet lips, teasing and humming happily into them. He grabbed onto both of your thighs to open you further then pulled your folds apart to kiss directly on your bud--an action which sent you nearly screaming over how intense it all felt. 

“You can be loud for us baby. There’s nothing to be scared of here.” 

It was as if a switch had flipped within you, and each and every lap of Jisung’s tongue felt like the most euphoric sensation you had ever experienced. He looked utterly adorable under you with his pink and juicy tongue running stripes over your clit. Merely watching him like this was enough to bring you to your first orgasm. 

“D-don’t stop S-sung...” You rolled your hips over his lips. 

Changbin had snaked himself farther down Jisung’s body which glistened with a thin layer of sweat. He clicked the bottle of lube, then smoothed it over his length, finally aligning it over the smaller boy. Your hands grabbed out for something to hold onto: one of them within Jisung’s hair, and the other squeezing painfully into the headboard. 

“Rough or slow Sungie?” Changbin laughed out wickedly. 

“R-rough...” Jisung moaned onto your pussy, “H-hard...” 

Changbin entered your boyfriend carefully, and both of them shuddered at the feeling. The room was full of all of your eroticism, and Jisung groaned out loudly at the connection. From the sounds your orgasm drew itself out too, and it was heightened even more when Jisung moved to pump his fingers deeply into you as well. He curved his fingertips in the way that grazed your cervix, and then sent you quivering pathetically over his face. Lower, Changbin dug his fingers into his boyfriends hips slamming into him without pause, and panting haphazardly. 

“C-can yo-you cum for me??” Jisung whimpered in a way that was much too cute for his own good. 

“Yes.” You answered, then fucked your hips over his plush lips and you clenched your teeth hard against your lip “Mm-fingers, Sung--please...” 

Jisung did as he was told, and maintained his pace stimulating your g-spot then, and begging an orgasm out of your body. He himself whimpered like a puppy while he was fucked out. Had you not been focusing on your orgasm, you wished you could see it all happen. 

“Ji--fuck--” Your hips violently shook, and you came with a searing heat that locked your walls tight around his fingers and dripped even further down your shaking thighs and splattered into his delicate features. It didn’t startle him at all, but he merely licked his lips free of your slick. 

“B-Bin--” He gasped out, then you fell down in your aftershocks to watch the way that Changbin spread out your gorgeous boyfriend with sweat dripping down his chest and from his brow. 

“Ride him, baby.” Changbin immediately ordered. “I want you to cum all over his dick, got it?” 

With grabby hands, Jisung pulled you right into his chest once you had straddled him. He played with your nipples for a few fleeting moments as you got situated pushing his cock into your pussy still trembling from your last orgasm. 

It was beautiful how he could fill you up like this. It was intimacy incomparable a closeness that only you had shared with him. In fact, he had actually been somewhat of a virgin when the three of you had met, and both you and Changbin were his first time. Knowing that he had only shared this part of himself with you and your boyfriend felt intoxicating in a way. 

You flicked your hips over his length, and focused your strength on fucking him slowly compared to how relentless Changbin kept his pace at. 

“I love you baby. Jisung, I love you so much.” You held his gaze. 

Two tears fell from his cheeks--not out of sadness, but of his pure love for you. 

He begged with a quivering lip, “Please kiss me.” 

And you did. You kissed Jisung like he was as fragile as flower petals that could break with the smallest tear. You kissed his lips as sweet as candy and you kissed the last bits of your arousal away on the corners of his mouth. 

Still, “Harder...” He begged, and your hips dipped lower and quicker over him. 

“Want me to fuck you harder babyboy?” 

Changbin threw his hands on your shoulders, then ran them down your spine to feel the way that you moved over Jisung’s dick. 

“Want us to fuck you until you can’t say any more?” You tutted. 

“Fuck, Sung, you feel so--” 

“G-gonna make me cum-ngh!” 

Changbin angled the boys hip up a bit further, and the sound of skin on skin filled the room. 

You sang out the phrase, “~I didn’t hear you say it Sungie~” 

Jisung’s face screwed up, and he gasped out loud enough for the neighbors to likely hear, but that didn’t matter in the slightest. 

“Fuck me please.” 

The thickness of the air in the bedroom clouded, and you fucked your beautiful boyfriend with your tightening walls as hard and as fast as you could, right until you brought yourself to the brink of another trembling orgasm, right over his dick. Changbin gifted a stinging slap to your ass then bit kisses into your shoulder right as you came undone for the second time, and Jisung’s eyes rolled to the back of his head once he came inside you at the very same moment. Your velvet walls tightened around his ribbons of cum inside and you collapsed against his gasping chest to warm him after his release. 

Changbin set himself loose, groaning out loudly as he came too, and shook with delighted laughter that was mixed up in his happy little “oh’s.” and the hitch of his breath. His restless hands caressed every inch of your body that he could as he brought himself down, finally bowing down to kiss right into your shoulder blades and back. Jisung called out his boyfriend’s name too while he shook around him. 

You coaxed yourself free of Jisung’s dick and Changbin wondered in the way that Jisung and made a creamy mess of your pussy. He then did the same watching how his seed spilled out of Jisung as well. 

“Wow.” 

The three of your sweating bodies clambered flat onto the mattress and the room fell quiet, leaving space for your breaths and the way that the spring evening sounded outside of your window: distant car horns, the hush of the breeze, the ebb and flow of the early arrival of cicadas. 

“Are you okay?” Changbin asked the both of you with worried hands running over both of your sweating forms. 

“Y-yeah. I am.” You smiled. 

Jisung shied his flushed face with one of the bedsheets. “Me too.” 

“I think...if you’d like, maybe the three of us could kind of, sorta, I dunno, stay connected for a little bit?” Changbin smoothed down the little hairs on your arm with the gentlest touch. 

“If Y/n wants to?” 

You exhaled peacefully into both of your boyfriends arms, and gave them a little hum to say yes. Changbin carefully wetted his dick with your slick, then guided himself into you pussy with his half hard dick, and it felt like a dream. Jisung too took a bit of lube in his hand as well, then pumped his dick with a shiver to then slide himself into your ass. The two of them swept over your body with light and fleeting kisses to your neck, shoulders, cheeks, nose and lips. You stayed the same: wonderfully full, and so close to them that it must’ve been unreal. While it hurt a little how they had stretched you out, you wiggled your hips still to feel even more of it. Your boyfriends sighed out at the feeling. 

“Sweetheart, you do that any more and you’re gonna make us want to fuck you again.” Changbin scoffed. 

“What if I want you to?” You traced the way that his deep brown hair curved over his ear. “What if I want you to fuck me like this...close...slowly...?” 

“Sung?” 

“If she wants to, I want to as well.” 

Changbin held your hips firmly under the blanket, then started his slow thrusts into you with his dick that indulgently grew hard once more. 

He whispered the promise over your lips, “We can do that for you baby.” 

You don’t know how long the three of you had remained as such. Time became nothing of your concern as the night slipped on and both of them took every ounce of their time with you, slowly fucking up into your pussy and ass, the sounds of your slick renewed filled up the room. They brought out a couple more shaking orgasms from your core, each of them followed by careful kisses to soothe your shaking body. 

“Such a good girl for us.” Jisung nibbled into your ear. His hand got tangled with the sheets too where he reached around to twist your nipples between his fingers. 

“How do you want it baby? Do you want it inside?” 

Changbin’s skin filled up your palm, then you slung a leg over his hip so he could hit your g-spot perfectly. 

“P-please?” 

“Of course. Sung?” 

“--Mm-m’ close too.” 

A few more moments of your symphonic moans, and you unfolded between them: one last orgasm that was so encompassing that you had slipped right into a space so safe, that you felt as if nothing in the world could touch you. Changbin finished off with unexpectedly adorable sounding grunt, and he throbbed within you to the tune of Jisung doing the same. 

“Shit.” Jisung giggled, then nuzzled his head right into the nape of your neck. 

“How was that angel?” 

“Do you even need to ask?” 

The three of you found solace in the skin on skin of it all: three people, three bodies that could be closer than two bodies ever could.  

“Ready to clean off in our big-ass shower?” Jisung wiggled you in his giant hug. 

“Small shower no more.” 

“The problem is, who’s gonna get up first to get the water running?” 

Condensation dripped down the windows, and the curtains blew softly with the spring air invading the room and carrying the smell of flowers and the mist  lingering in grass. 

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Water dripped like rain over the pink of muscles and intermingled with the iridescent drops of soap bubbles which held little rainbows in and of themselves. Hair slicked to the sides of faces, and transparent streams coursed down the simple breaths on rising chests. Steam filled up your lungs, a reminder that it was all real. 

You were here with them. It wasn’t some kind of dream that you had painted while in that room alone with yourself and the buzzing of a TV speaking in tongues that you didn’t know. 

Even though they said nothing, but rather touched your body down, you could hear their thoughts like a melody. 

They loved every bit of you, and it was written on their faces times two. 

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses! 

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @eunaeiekim @julesinthesoop

[marjansmarwani]

in the hope of open hands

8.5k || ao3

Vignettes of Nancy and Marjan through season two as their friendship grows stronger and turns into something more.

Here it is, the Nancy/Marjan fic I have been threatening for ages, just in time for @bellakitse‘s birthday. Happy birthday Stef! I hope you had a wonderful one, that you enjoy this bit of Nancy/Marjan softness, and that you know how much I appreciate you 💕

This is my first time writing these two and I sincerely hope I did them justice. I love them both though, so I hope that counts for something. 

--------------

Michelle leaving wasn’t as shocking as it probably should have been.

But after everything that had happened - starting with a solar storm and wrapping around a worldwide pandemic - the paramedic captain putting in her two week notice was barely a blip in the grand scheme of things. Yes it would mean a change in the firehouse dynamics, yes it would mean that Nancy and Tim would have to adjust to someone new. But Marjan respected Michelle for making the decision she had - it wasn’t an easy thing to do to walk away from everything you knew and take a risk.

Which is why when Tim started on his latest round of complaining (it was so familiar she could almost trace the argument at this point) she responded in kind. She meant what she said - she admired her for making the choice, more than she could say. For all her bravado and daring in the field, she hadn’t taken too many gambles in her personal life. Yes, moving to Austin had been a risk, but it had been a calculated one. In everything else; friendship, romance, she couldn’t say the same. Marjan loved the adrenaline rush of a thrill, she hated the uncertainty of a new choice.

Nancy, at least, agreed with her.

“What a monster,” she concluded sarcastically after she listed off all the personal sacrifices Michelle had made, throwing a grin in Marjan’s direction as she finished. Marjan returned it without hesitation, their eyes meeting as Tim threw up his hands in frustration. It was becoming a familiar rhythm between them. Maybe it was the pandemic forcing them to find companionship within their everyday circles, maybe it was simply them realizing that as much as they loved their teammates, the women of the 126 needed to stick together.

Whatever it was, Marjan was glad for it. They had just started getting to know each other and before she knew it, Nancy Gillian was her friend. She could very easily become a close one too, Marjan thought, given time. Time she knew that she was willing to give.

----------

Marjan was swiping through the pictures she had just taken when she felt a familiar presence at her shoulder.

“Those are great,” Nancy said with a grin Marjan could hear even with her back to the other woman, “you’ll have to send those to me.”

“As long as you give me credit Gillian, a lot of time and effort went into these you know!”

She knew her friend was rolling her eyes even before she had fully turned around but when she got a look at her face she was not disappointed. She grinned cheekily at the paramedic before their attention was drawn to the kitchen by a loud and bright laugh from Grace. They turned to see her leaning back in her seat, one hand on Captain Vega’s shoulder and the other covering her mouth. Marjan smiled at the sight before tilting her head in their direction, “How are things going with Captain Vega? She seems like a badass.”

“She is,” Nancy confirmed, “it’s kind of awesome.”

There was admiration in her tone, but something else too.

“But?” Marjan prompted, turning her back on Captain Vega and Grace to give Nancy her full attention.

Nancy sighed, “I don’t know. It’s just been weird. Michelle was never warm and fuzzy, but we knew her. Captain Vega is...different.”

“You’ll get to know her too,” Marjan reminded her, “in time.”

“Yeah,” Nancy agreed with another glance towards her Captain, “I guess.”

“Well I know,” Marjan told her firmly. “You just need to give it time.”

Nancy smiled at her gratefully and Marjan felt a warmth of affection rush through her. “Hey,” she said after a minute, “the only downside of flaunting my superior photography skills is that I’m not in any of the pictures. Take a selfie with me?”

“Who can say no to Firefox?” Nancy quipped, but leaned down so that she was next to Marjan as she raised her camera. They both beamed at the camera as Marjan tapped the shutter button. When they were done she pulled the phone closer to look at the result. Their smiles shone just as brightly on her phone and Marjan grinned at it. She added a heart emoji for her story, but not before she downloaded a copy.

This, she decided, was a moment she wanted to remember. The beginning of better times to come, she was sure.

--------

“Why did we leave him? We wouldn’t have done that if it were anyone else!”

If it were one of you is left unsaid, but filled the spaces between them all the same.

Captain Strand reminded them it was all strictly protocol and Marjan knows he’s right but she can’t help but wonder too. She can’t help but look down at where her hand is resting on TK’s shoulder. It wasn’t all that long ago that they had almost lost him on a call. If the worst had happened, would they have left? Or would they have stayed; giving protocol the finger because that’s what you did for family.

Logically she knows the two situations were worlds away from each other. TK’s had been a freak accident in an otherwise controllable environment. The scene at the pool hadn’t been safe. There had been lava and fire everywhere; they had been ordered to abandon their recovery efforts for civilians too when the worst of it had happened. They had grabbed any survivors and they had left before the body count rose anymore. She knew it was for the best, she knew it was protocol.

That didn’t make looking at Nancy’s broken expression any less painful.

But she didn’t know what to say. What could she say to make the loss of her partner hurt less? Marjan had a team and she knew that if she lost any one of them she would lose a piece of her heart with them. Nancy and Tim had only had each other. They had had each other for so long and through so much and Marjan knew there was no way she could possibly fathom the loss that Nancy had just experienced. So instead of going to her as a friend probably should when Paul offered to spar with her she accepted eagerly. She used the punching bag as a target for her anger, for her fear. She was angry that Tim’s life had been cut short when all he had ever done was help people. She was angry Nancy had to face this. She was afraid of how this might affect her friend; she was afraid of finding herself in a similar spot someday.

But eventually the workout was over and she and Paul parted ways. She felt lighter as she stepped into the women's locker room, but not better. There was still a heaviness within her and she had a feeling it would be with her for a while. She crossed to her locker and dropped her bag onto the ground before sinking onto the bench with a weary sigh. She was just debating whether it was worth it to change at all or to simply go home in her workout clothes when she heard the sound of sniffling from beyond the row of lockers. She frowned as she stood up, stepping quietly around them until she came to a halt at the sight of the scene before her.

Nancy was on the wide bench by the showers, her feet up on the bench before her and her knees pulled up to her chin. She was sobbing; quietly but unmistakably. Marjan felt her heart break all over again as she quietly approached.

“Nance?” she asked softly as she drew closer, not wanting to startle her friend. Nancy’s face shot up and her eyes went wide at the sight of the other woman. She reached up a hand to wipe away the tears that were still rolling down her face, but Marjan shook her head.

“You don’t have to stop,” she told her as she carefully settled onto the bench beside her. “It’s okay to feel this, and let it out. And I’m not going anywhere, Nance,” she added after a moment, certainty filling her voice. “You’re not facing this alone.”

And with that, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around the other woman - tentatively at first but she tightened her hold as Nancy leaned into her. They stayed there, on the bench in the locker room as Nancy cried in Marjan’s arms, attempting to let all the fear and pain and grief inside out before it ate her alive.

And as they sat there Marjan made up her mind. She would be there for Nancy for whatever she needed for as long as she needed it. She was not about to let someone she cared about so much face this on their own.

--------

Marjan found a quiet corner and settled onto the edge of a picnic table before pulling out her phone. She took a deep breath before she dialed, tapping Nancy’s name in her phone as she did. Her mind wandered as it rang and she half hoped the other woman didn’t pick up.

“Hello?” Nancy’s voice sounded in her ear and Marjan’s heart ached at how thick it sounded.

“Hey Nance,” she said softly, “I just wanted to call and check-in, see how you’re holding up.”

There was a pause in which Marjan was certain she heard a sniffle, “I’m fine,” Nancy said but Marjan knew her well enough to know that she was lying.

She also knew that if she pushed it she would clam up, so she changed tactics instead, “We’re all thinking about you. I wish we could have been there for you.”

The truth of I wish I could have been there for you floated between them unsaid.

“It’s not like you guys have any control over the wildfires,” Nancy said eventually, her voice a little stronger. “I don’t think I can hold that against you. Besides,” she added, her voice shifting again, “you shouldn’t be worrying about me. You should be focusing on staying safe. We don’t need any more funerals.”

Marjan knew what Nancy was doing because humor was a shield that she lived behind as well. But there was a waver in her voice and Marjan was suddenly forcibly reminded that this was not Nancy’s first time at a co-worker’s memorial service. The old 126 may not have been her partner, but they had been her friends and now with Michelle following her heart and Tim in the ground, every connection Nancy had to the time before the tragedy was gone, save for Judd.

“Well you don’t need to worry about us either,” she assured her. “We’re keeping it all by the book, strictly playing by the rules.”

“Yeah well, we’ll see how long that lasts,” Nancy retorted with a snort and Marjan swore she could practically hear her roll her eyes even over the less than stellar cell connection. “This is the 126 we’re talking about, after all. It’s only a matter of time before someone pulls some crazy stunt. Personally, my money is on you or Strand.”

“I resent that!” Marjan exclaimed indignantly, but the relief of hearing Nancy’s laughter on the other end firmly proved that to be false. She let the sound wrap around her, savoring every second of it before she spoke again.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Nance?”

“I am,” Nancy replied, “this sucks, a lot. But everyday it hurts a little less. And Captain Vega has been great, we’ve gotten a lot closer.”

“I’m glad,” Marjan replied, “I think you two will make a formidable team.”

“We can’t have a team of two though,” Nancy reminded her, “we’re going to need to replace...to hire a third eventually.”

“Eventually,” Marjan agreed, “but not yet. You have some time, don’t worry about it yet.”

There was silence after that. They sat on the line together, each lost in their own thoughts, anchored to the present only by the sound of the other’s breaths. Eventually it was Nancy that broke the silence.

“Thanks Marj, for checking in. It means a lot.”

“Of course,” Marjan replies without hesitation, “I wish I could do more.”

“It’s enough,” Nancy assured her, “it’s more than enough.”

The silence returned again but it was a comfortable silence. It was comfort amongst the chaos they were both separately facing, a safe harbor to return to. But it was shattered all too soon as Commander DeLeon called for the troops to gather.

“Nancy, I’ve gotta go.”

“Yeah,” the paramedic said, “of course. Stay safe Marj.”

And with that she ended the call and Marjan was left with a smile as she joined her team for the latest briefing.

----------

“I hear you have a visitor.”

Nancy’s words pulled Marjan from her stupor and wrenched her attention from where she had been studiously stirring her tea.

“The guys told you?”

“About four minutes after I got here today. Those boys can’t keep a secret for shit.”

Marjan rolled her eyes at that, “It’s not a secret it just...never came up.”

“What, you mean there was never a time to say, ‘Hey guys, guess what? I’m engaged’?”

“And how do you think that would have gone over?”

“Probably better than meeting him by surprise outside the roller derby rink did.”

Marjan had to concede that point, at least.

“I wasn’t trying to keep him a secret,” she explained. “I guess I never really thought about it. It’s just been a part of my life for so long that I barely even think about it most of the time. And that is so separate in my head from my life here and I just...never thought of sharing it.”

Nancy didn’t say anything right away and when Marjan looked up at her it was clear that she was on the verge of saying something, but not sure if she wanted to. She waited for a few more moments before Nancy noticed her watching and gave her a smile that was tighter than her usual.

“That makes sense, I guess. It must be nice to see him after so long.”

“Yeah”, Marjan agreed, “it is.”

The smile Nancy gave her this time was more genuine, much more like herself. “I hope you enjoy his visit then,” she said before she jabbed her thumb in the direction of the ambulance bay. “I have to go take care of inventory, but we’ll take more later, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Marjan agreed, watching in confusion as Nancy walked away.

----------

All her life, Marjan had had a plan.

Now, in just one day and two conversations, that plan had been dismantled and for the first time, Marjan was facing an uncertain future. It terrified her.

She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to handle this. She knew she had made the right choice. She cared for Salim — she always had — and the fact that at some point, unbeknownst to her, she had to come to love him didn’t change anything. She was well aware that she had been the one to make this mess; but that didn’t change the end result. Salim had fallen for someone else. He had made his choice and Marjan refused to be the reason someone else got hurt. She refused to spend the rest of her life with someone she couldn’t trust; with someone who didn’t honor their commitments. That mattered to her — enough to upend her entire future, apparently.

The worst part was that she wasn’t even sure she could blame Salim. Or even their parents, for that matter. She didn’t think it was the fault of any one person; it was just something that had happened with time. They had been so young when this had all been decided, years before they had realized who they were. It had never bothered her, the idea of it. It had been comforting knowing that no matter what, she knew what the future was going to bring. She had been free to make her choices and follow her passions knowing that no matter what she had a future with Salim. She had never considered another possibility.

But now she was faced with a whole world of other possibilities and she didn’t know what to do with it. She had never really thought of the concept of romance before; she had never taken the time to consider who she found attractive. She had never seen the point, given everything. Maybe she should find it thrilling (and a small, distant part of her did) but mostly, she found it terrifying. She didn’t know what to do next.

Her pondering was interrupted by the sound of a knock at her door. She frowned, rising from the couch and approached it with trepidation. The list of people who came to visit her at home was very short, but she supposed it could be any member of her team. It could just as well be Salim, but she couldn’t fathom what he could possibly want.

She peered into the peephole, not sure what to expect, but pulled away with a smile and opened the door to reveal Nancy Gillian on her threshold, holding a bag.

“I’m not sure what kind of breakup category this falls under exactly,” she stated without prompting, “but I brought tea if it’s a ranting type and ice cream in case it’s the wallowing type. Either way, we’re ordering chinese.”

And despite it all, Marjan smiled. The first real genuine smile she had since that night at the hotel. “I think it’s a bit of both,” she replied as she stepped aside to allow the other woman entrance.

“Then we better get started,” Nancy quipped as she took the silent invitation. “We have a lot of ground to cover.”

---------

With Nancy out on medical due to her broken foot Marjan had taken it upon herself to make sure the other woman was fed and kept up on the happenings at the station. So it was a Monday evening that Marjan found herself in Nancy’s kitchen, stocking the fridge with the groceries she had brought and giving her a play by play of the minefield incident. She had already gotten the basics from Captain Vega, but while her captain’s version had been professional and to the point, Marjan’s was a lot more colorful and action packed. When she had described Reese refusing to enter the minefield Nancy had thumped a hand against the counter.

“See,” she had exclaimed, “I knew he was too good to be true!”

Marjan chuckled, but trailed off as another thought entered her head, “Would you have gone if you had been there?”

“Yeah,” Nancy replied with a shrug, “it’s not on my top ten list of things to do and frankly I’d rather not, but those boys needed help. And that’s what we do.”

And Marjan was surprised by the feeling of relief that washed over her at those words. Not relief that Nancy would have done the right things — of that Marjan had no doubt — but relief that she hadn’t been there, that she hadn’t had the chance.

Relief that she was safe, that she hadn’t taken that risk.

It was stupid and Marjan knew it. Taking risks was their business, it couldn’t be avoided and it was what they had all signed up for. But the idea of Nancy taking that risk, of Nancy putting herself in such tangible danger left her with a feeling of dread she couldn’t shake.

She didn’t know what to say next but she was saved the trouble by the sound of Nancy’s phone ringing and her excusing herself to answer it. Marjan was left to continue to ponder these thoughts as she waited for the phone call to end.

“That was Captain Vega,” Nancy announced as she hobbled back into the kitchen, setting her phone back down on the counter. “She just called to tell me that she offered TK the position, and he accepted.”

���That’s good, right?” Marjan asked as Nancy slid back into her previous seat at the counter. “Having someone you already know filling the spot? It has to take away a lot of the uncertainty.”

“It does,” Nancy admitted, “but it’ll still be an adjustment.”

She trailed off and Marjan paused in putting away the groceries she had brought over. She crossed over to the counter and leaned on it, facing the other women and giving her a beseeching look. “And?” she prompted.

Nancy looked down at her hands on the counter as she replied, voice soft, “And filling the position with someone who will stick feels like it’s official. That Tim is really gone and we’re really moving on now.”

And Marjan didn’t know what to say to that. She had never lost someone like that. She had never experienced losing one of the people closest to you, having them ripped away without warning and being expected to carry on as normal because that was the job. She didn’t know what to say to make that better.

“You are moving on,” she finally settled on, “because that’s what you need to do. That doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten Tim. Getting a new partner does not replace the memories you have of the old one.”

“I know that,” Nancy replied, not meeting her eyes, “it just feels like he’s being forgotten. He doesn’t deserve that.”

Marjan reached across the counter to tap Nancy’s arm, “Hey,” she said, “he’s not forgotten because you will always remember him. And so will I,” she promised. “He’s not going to be forgotten.”

She allowed her words to settle around them, lending weight to her oath. The smile Nancy gave her in response was frail, but it warmed Marjan’s heart to see it. She patted her arm one more time before she stepped away from the counter, returning to the groceries at hand. She knew that she couldn’t possibly imagine what Nancy was going through, but she knew that she would be there for her every step of the way.

That’s what you did for a friend, after all.

------------

“And then he told me to ‘live in it’ for a bit. Like, dude, what the fuck does that even mean?”

Marjan did her best not to audibly chuckle as she turned back to the living room with two mugs in her hand. Nancy was sprawled across her couch and fifteen minutes into a tirade about TK with no signs of stopping anytime soon. She accepted the tea from Marjan with a nod but continued on without missing a beat.

She was going on about the dangers of improperly arranged needles as Marjan settled into the chair across from her, tucking her feet underneath her and hiding her smile with her mug as she took a sip. Her attempts to hide her amusement are unsuccessful and Nancy finally stopped long enough to give her a glare.

“I am so glad me getting replaced on my own team is amusing to you, Marwani.”

Marjan rolled her eyes before setting down her mug. “Nance,” she said evenly, “you are not being replaced.”

“How can you say that?” Nancy questioned incredulously. “You saw them today. They are a perfectly well-oiled team. All I’m doing is getting in the way.”

“Nancy,” Marjan repeated, more firmly this time, “you are not getting in the way. You are an excellent paramedic, and they both know that. But your team has a new member now, and things are going to be different. It’s going to take some time to adjust, but you will.”

Nancy held her gaze for another moment before she looked away with a deep sigh. “I don’t know how to adjust to this,” she said softly. “Tim was my partner for so long. I’m not saying TK is a bad paramedic or that he’s a bad person he’s just…”

“He’s not Tim,” Marjan finished, her heart aching for the other woman as she nodded and blinked against the tears that had gathered in her eyes at the reminder. Marjan leaned forward in her seat, closing the distance between them as much as she dared. “Nancy, TK will never replace Tim. He can’t because he is someone different. You’re going to form a relationship with him too and it’s going to be different. That’s okay. It’s all part of moving forward.”

Nancy was quiet for several moments before she sighed and flopped back onto the couch dramatically, “Moving forward sucks.”

Marjan couldn’t hide the laugh that burst from her at that. “Yeah, it can,” she agreed. “If it’s any consolation though, I can almost guarantee that TK is feeling just as weird about this as you are. And if I know him, he’s going to try to find a way to fix it. And if he doesn’t, I can also guarantee that I will kick his ass, for you.”

That at least pulled a smile out from the other woman and Marjan returned it, savoring the warmth that rushed through her chest at the sight of it.

“Thanks Marj,” Nancy said eventually. “For being here, for listening. I know this is probably weird, I mean he’s your friend and here I am trash talking him…”

“Hey,” Marjan interjected, “none of that now. Yes, TK is my friend, but he’s not the only one. You are my friend too Nancy, and I will be here as long as you need to rant about this or whatever else you need to do. You’ve been there for me, let me be there for you.”

---------

TK had come through just as Marjan had known he would and, even though she had to admit she hadn’t seen it coming, turning the ambulance into a memorial seemed a perfectly fitting tribute. A way to make sure that Tim was truly never forgotten, that he was always with them.

When Nancy arrived Marjan met her eyes. She greeted her with the others but held her gaze a moment longer, silently communicating with the other woman. She didn’t want to steal TK’s thunder but she wanted her to know that everything was okay, that things were looking up. And when TK said his piece and revealed the painted memorial and tears gathered in Nancy’s eyes, Marjan could feel matching ones in her own eyes as well.

They go back to Nancy’s place after that, just the two of them. There were offers for a whole group hang but Marjan could tell that Nancy wasn’t feeling up to that just yet. So when she politely declined she found Marjan waiting by her car, an eyebrow raised.

“What,” she asked, “you didn’t think you were getting rid of me that easily, did you?”

And so here they were now - mugs of tea on the coffee table before them while a cheesy sci-fi flick played out on the screen before them. They sat in comfortable silence, both content to simply exist in the other's presence for a while, until Nancy broke the silence.

“Thank you,” she said eventually, pulling Marjan’s attention away from the movie.

“For what?” she asked with a frown.

“For being here. For having been here this entire time. I...I wasn’t sure if I would ever have someone be there for me like this again. Not after Tim.”

“Nancy, you don’t need to…”

“No, I do Marj. Just, hear me out?”

Marjan nodded and twisted her body so she was facing the other woman, watching as she took a deep breath.

“These past few months,” Nancy started, “have been awful. This process of grieving and recovering has been a long one and as much as it has sucked for me, I can’t imagine it was all that fun to be around either. But you have been there for me the entire time, in every single way. You’ve become someone I rely on and I just, needed you to know that.”

WIth that she stopped speaking and they were left once again in silence. Marjan was floored by the statement. It wasn’t that she hadn’t known that she and Nancy were close, but hearing it laid out like that, knowing how much it had mattered to her put it all in a new light. But something Nancy had said bothered her. She leaned forward to place a hand on her knee, holding her gaze as she spoke.

“You are never a burden, Nance. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever the situation, I will always be there for you. It was never a hardship and it never will be. You’re very important to me too, you know.”

The smile Nancy gave her in return was soft and bright and when she shifted closer closing the distance between them as she turned back to the movie, Marjan let it happen. And if when she readjusted her seat she sank even closer to Nancy, the warmth of her body pulling her closer, that was fine too.

-------------

Marjan is no stranger to fear, but she’s never quite felt a fear like this one before.

When Judd called her to let her know that the 126 paramedic team and ambulance was missing, her first thought wasn't for TK. She loves him like a brother and she wanted nothing more than for him to be okay, but he wasn’t not her first thought.

Her first thought was Nancy.

It’s her name that drives the fear, the thought of never hearing her laugh again that steals her breath. It’s her smile and her warm, brown eyes that she is holding desperately in her memories, hoping she will have a chance to see them again.

And when they get the call that they were found and that TK is hurt but the other two are fine, Marjan can finally breathe again.

She was in her car heading to the hospital before she could even think, pulling in and entering the building with barely a thought and absolutely no plan. She was hovering in the emergency room entrance, trying to figure out her next step when she spotted a familiar figure across the room.

“Carlos!” she called and strode towards him. He looked up, startled, but his expression evened when he spotted her.

“Marj, hey,” he said, and he looked like a wreck. She stepped closer, peering at him with concern and allowing another fear to enter her mind for the first time.

“How’s TK? I heard he was hurt…”

“Yeah,” Carlos agreed grimly, “he has a pretty nasty head injury. He’s getting some scans and tests done now so we’ll know soon, I just stepped out to call my mom back. Captain Strand is in the waiting room upstairs though if you want to go up.”

“Oh,” she said, surprised and not sure how to respond, “actually I…”

She trailed off but Carlos gave her a calculating look before he smiled and spoke again, “Nancy is upstairs too. She’s okay, not a scratch on her.”

Marjan couldn’t even be bothered to try and hide the relief she felt at that. She could feel some of the tension leave her body as Carlos chuckled softly, shaking his head, “I was wondering when you’d figure it out.”

She opened her mouth to make a retort but found that she couldn’t even find the words. There is too much else in her head right now. But Carlos was still grinning that knowing grin at her and she couldn’t let him off easy, “TK has been a bad influence on you, Reyes.”

She’s known Carlos long enough to know that this is where he would usually fire back some clever retort. He doesn’t, but his expression softens at the mention of his boyfriend and he glances back towards the elevator that separates them. “I should go make this phone call,” he said instead. “I don’t want to be gone too long. Nancy is in one of the waiting rooms, second door on your left once you get off the elevator, 4th floor.”

Marjan nodded her thanks and reached out to give his arm a comforting squeeze before he walked away. “They’re safe Carlos,” she tells him, “it’s going to be okay.”

He smiled at her again before he turned and walked away and as she waits for the elevator she is left to wonder who those words were really for. She’s left to ponder that on the ride up, which seems to last so much longer than the four floors. Her heart was racing in her chest as she stepped out onto the correct floor, her feet following Carlos’s directions without much input from her mind. She was hardly breathing as she reached the correct door, but when she stepped across the threshold she could feel it all fall away at the sight of Nancy - unhurt and very much alive.

She is sitting in a chair off to the corner, staring out the dark window so intently she didn’t even hear Marjan enter. She didn't notice until Marjan paused a few steps from her and softly said her name. It’s only then that she turns from the window to see Marjan standing before her, and her breath catches.

“Marj, what are you doing here?”

Marjan stares at her for a moment before she splutters out a response. “What am I doing here?” she repeats indignantly. “Nancy, you were kidnapped and held hostage. Where else would I be?”

They stare at each other in silence for a few more moments before Nancy reaches for her and Marjan meets her in a heartbeat, sinking into the chair next to her and pulling her into her arms.

“I’m so sorry this happened,” she said into Nancy’s shoulder as she clutched her tightly. “Are you okay?”

“I wasn’t the one hurt,” Nancy replied softly, and Marjan hugged her even tighter.

“Just because you’re not hurt doesn’t mean you’re okay,” she reminded her softly. “Whatever you’re feeling now, it’s okay.”

There was silence for a few more moments before Nancy spoke again, voice so soft Marjan barely heard it, even being as close as they were.

“I was so scared,” she admitted. “I thought we were all going to die. For a while I thought I had lost another partner and now...I don’t know where to go from here.”

Marjan’s heart broke at the sound of the pain and fear still in her voice. She didn’t know what to say, so she settled for rubbing a soothing circle on her back.

“You’re all safe,” she said eventually, “and that’s what matters. Everything else we’ll figure out in time.”

The only response she got to that was a soft sniffle and Marjan couldn’t help the way her arms tightened around the other woman at the sound. She knew this would be hard, she knew there was not magic switch to throw to make it all better. She knew it would take time.

But she also knew that Tommy was unharmed and home with her family, that TK would be okay, and that Nancy was here and whole and in her arms. From this point, they could face anything. And none of them would do it alone. Tommy had Charles and her girls, TK had Carlos and Nancy, well...

“I’m not going anywhere,” Marjan reminded her softly, speaking the words into her hair and allowing them to fill this bubble they had formed. Maybe there were things to handle and people to call, but for now they had each other and that was more than enough.

------------

The next few weeks are mostly spent together. There are shifts and calls and the Ryder’s accident but almost every moment in between, Marjan realizes, she has spent with Nancy.

She is a shoulder to lean on as Nancy copes with the kidnapping but Marjan would be lying if she said she didn’t find their time spent together just as soothing. The fear that came with the idea of Nancy in danger is never far from her mind in those first few weeks. Then they lean on each other when faced with the fear and possibility of losing Judd and Grace. They celebrate the joy of their survival and their news together too, just as they do most everything these days.

Soon enough that is behind them though and even without a trauma to cope with Marjan still finds herself in the other woman’s company more often than not. She also finds that she doesn’t mind it, and that often she is the one seeking it out. Somehow Nancy Gillian became her closest friend when she wasn’t looking but Marjan can’t say she is too upset by that. There are far worse things to have stumbled into, she thinks.

After all nothing involving Nancy Gillian can be anything even remotely short of good, in her opinion.

------------

Marjan let herself into her apartment, Nancy on her heels.

“Marj,” she tries again, “it doesn’t matter what they think.”

“No, it doesn’t,” she agrees, “but it does matter what McKenna thinks. She thinks her husband dying was my fault, Nancy. What if she’s right? What if I had been able to save him if I had been just that much quicker? All I needed to save him was another thirty seconds. How long do you think that exchange on the overpass took?”

“Marjan,” Nancy said again, firmly this time, “don’t do that. You know as well as I do that asking those kinds of questions doesn’t do any good. If you start dwelling on that kind of stuff it’ll mess with your head and you can’t have that. What happened was awful and I am so sorry, but you need to move forward. It’s the only thing you can do.”

Marjan stepped away from her, wrapping her arms around her body. “I know that,” she admitted, voice thick, “but that doesn’t make it any better. He died, Nance. He died right in front of me because I wasn’t quick enough to save him. No amount of logic in the world is going to change how I feel about that.”

She could feel the tears starting to form and she went to turn away from her friend. But in the next moment arms wrapped around her, preventing her from straying any further.

“It’s okay to feel it,” Nancy told her gently. “You can cry, I’m not going anywhere.”

Marjan wanted to tell her that she was fine, that she could handle this on her own. But when she looked up to say as much and her eyes met Nancy’s, her resolve crumbled. Before she knew it she had dissolved into sobs, soaking the material of Nancy’s shirt as she held her gently, murmuring soothing words into her hair.

She knew this wasn’t a permanent solution, she knew there was still more she would have to do to move on from this. But in this moment and the safety of Nancy’s arms, she let it all come out.

---------

“I can’t believe it,” Nancy said as she and Marjan stepped into her apartment, flicking on the kitchen lights to chase away the early dawn darkness. “Can you even imagine, your entire life, gone just like that.”

“Not their lives,” Marjan reminded her as she set down her purse and leaned wearily against the counter, “alhamdulillah.”

“I know,” Nancy continued, “and I know in the grand scheme of things they were so lucky and I am beyond grateful that they’re okay but...this is going to be so much to move on from. I can’t even begin to fathom that.”

“Me neither,” Marjan admitted. “But they’ll be okay. They have each other, and they have us.”

“Us, huh?”

Marjan looked up sharply to see Nancy looking at her, a small smile on her face.

“Yeah, you know — the 126. We’ll all be there for them.”

“Yeah, of course,” Nancy agreed hurriedly, looking away from her. It took Marjan all of three more seconds to realize what Nancy had meant and she cursed herself. This past day had been something, and her brain was fried. But she needed to address this, Nancy needed to know.

“I suppose that’s not the only ‘us’ though,” she hedged as she stepped closer. “I like them all an awful lot, but I can’t say I feel the same way about them as I do about you.”

“Oh?” Nancy asked and though her voice was purposefully casual, Marjan could see the hope in her eyes.

“I’ve come to care about you an awful lot,” she admits. “And, I don’t have a lot of experience with feelings like this, but I don’t think they are strictly friendly ones.”

Nancy was quiet for a second before she spoke again, “So either you're asking to be my arch nemesis or…”

Marjan rolled her eyes. “You are such a dork, I can’t believe I like you.”

“You like me?” Nancy replied quickly. “As in, you like me, like me?”

Marjan stepped closer, leaving barely an inch between them now. She could see every fleck of color in Nancy’s eyes, and it affected her in a way she had never quite experienced before.  

“I like you, like you, Nancy Gillian,” she said clearly, not wanting to beat around the bush. There was a time for being quippy and fun, and then there was this. She wasn’t willing to leave this to chance. She reached her hand across the small distance between them and found Nancy’s, tangling her fingers with her own. When she felt a squeeze in response, she smiled, leaning forward and resting her head against Nancy’s shoulder.

They stayed like that, wrapped in each other in Marjan’s kitchen for a time she couldn’t quantify, but she savored every second that passed. Eventually Nancy broke the silence as she glanced out the window above the sink.

“It’s late, or early, I guess. I should go.”

Marjan stepped back, just enough to see Nancy’s eyes again, still clutching her hand with her own.

“Stay?” she asked. Nancy hesitated for a moment and Marjan pressed on, “It doesn’t have to be like that just...stay?”

The early morning silence drifted through the kitchen as Marjan studied Nancy. Then Nancy smiled at her and Marjan swore she felt her heart swell three sizes. She used their linked hands to pull them out of the kitchen and towards something new.

------------

The next morning Marjan woke up to find that she was not alone.

She smiled at the sight of Nancy beside her, still sleeping soundly. She shifted to try and get a better view of the marvel beside but her motions caused the other woman to stir and soon she was greeted with the equally wonderful sight of Nancy’s tired eyes blinking at her.

“Good morning,” she said softly, not wanting to startle her.

“Morning,” Nancy murmured less gracefully, a yawn jutting its way through her words, “what time is it?”

Marjan shrugged, “Not sure. Doesn’t matter though - it’s not like we have a fire station to go to work in.”

Nancy huffed a dry laugh as she shifted so she was on her side, facing Marjan. “You know until you said something I thought that maybe all that was a dream. Actually, until you said something, I thought this was a dream. It still might be, come to think of it.”

Marjan rolled her eyes and leaned over to press a soft kiss to Nancy’s forehead. “Does that feel like a dream?” she asked.

“Actually, yes, if I’m being honest.” Nancy replied and Marjan scoffed, reaching over to pinch the other woman’s arm. She yelped in surprise but Marjan only raised an eyebrow.

“Still think you’re dreaming?” she asked.

“No,” Nancy replied, “but I am starting to wonder if this mean side of you is a normal morning thing.”

“I don’t know,” Marjan said with a shrug, scotting closer to Nancy as she lay back down, “I guess you’ll have to stick around to find out.”

------------

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take!”

“Nance,” Marjan admonished, “stop being so dramatic. It’s fine!”

Nancy shifted so she was facing her. “It is not fine, Marj! I hate this. Not getting to see you at work is one thing, but not knowing where you’ll be working or if you’ll have a good team to watch your back? Your team is a collective pain in my ass at times, but I trust them. But now I’m just supposed to be okay with you doing what you do not knowing who is there to back you up? I’m not.”

Marjan rolled her eyes but she had to admit that the clear concern the paramedic had for her softened the gesture considerably. “Think about it this way,” she said instead, moving closer and running a hand up her arm as she spoke, “we’ve already survived numerous natural disasters and cataclysmic events. What more could there be?”

“I think that’s called tempting fate.”

“I think it’s called logic,” Marjan countered. “Hey,” she added when Nancy’s expression didn’t lighten, reaching out to twine their fingers together, “nothing is going to change. We’re still us, no matter what stations we’re working from.”

“You can’t say that,” Nancy argued softly, “because everything already has. And after everything...I couldn’t handle losing you too.”

While the concern still touched her, the fear in Nancy’s voice bore into her chest like a dull knife. “I can’t promise anything,” she said eventually, “you know that. Neither of us can make that promise because neither of us can guarantee that we’ll be able to keep it. But I can promise that I will do my best to come back to you every single day, no matter what.”

“I know that,” Nancy assured her softly, “I just can’t help but worry.”

Marjan leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek, moved by the weight of her affection for her. “I know that because I feel the same way. But I’ll be fine, Nance. We’ll both be, you’ll see.”

------------

“What was that you were saying last night?” Nancy said to her as she opened her apartment door to let her in. “I believe it was something along the lines of ‘what more could there be?’ How does it feel to have tempted the gods, Marwani.”

Marjan scoffed and shut the door behind them as she followed Nancy into the kitchen. “It’s not like I caused the dust storm,” she parried back. “I didn’t actively put myself in that position. I wonder if the same could be said for everyone in this room or if maybe someone stole an ambulance and went out into a natural disaster of their own free will?”

Nancy froze before slowly turning to face Marjan, who was waiting with a single unimpressed eyebrow raised. “Okay,” she admitted, “that’s fair. And I’m sorry. It’s not like I’m mad at you for anything - you were just doing your job. I’m just…”

“Worried?” Marjan provided, “Because I was too. As soon as you guys had to pack up to head to another call I could feel it. I guess that’s something we’re going to have to get used to now.”

“Hmm,” Nancy agreed as she stepped into Marjan’s space, “that sucks.”

“It does,” Marjan agreed, reaching out her hands to rest on Nancy’s shoulders, “but you’re worth it.”

-------------

Marjan was woken up the next morning by the smell of breakfast coming from her kitchen. She frowned as she tried to remember what she had left out, but the sight of a rumpled and empty pillow beside her soon brought her clarity. She smiled as she pulled back the covers and climbed out of her bed, heading for the kitchen.

After the 126 hang at Captain Strand/Mateo/TK and Carlos’s house last night they had ended up back here, again. Marjan couldn’t say that she minded the new routine. It hadn’t been long but sleeping with the other woman beside her had become more and more of a habit as time went on and it wasn’t one she was looking to quit. Her smile only widened as she stepped into her kitchen to see Nancy at the stove sliding eggs onto two plates.

“Good morning,” she said softly as she drew closer, coming up behind Nancy and wrapping her arms around her waist.

“Good morning to you too,” Nancy quipped. “I was hoping the smell of turkey bacon would entice you out of bed.”

“It woke me up,” Marjan admitted, “but you not being there got me up. Turns out my bed is lonely without you.”

Nancy switched off the burner before turning, bending down to place a light kiss on her forehead. “I think I like the sound of that.”

“You better,” Marjan countered with a grin, “because it’s the truth.”

Nancy flushed brilliantly and Marjan’s grin grew, but any retort she could have made was interrupted by the sound of Marjan’s phone ringing.

“Hold that thought,” she murmured before stepping out of Nancy’s embrace and circling to the counter to grab her phone. She frowned at the screen as she picked it up, turning it so Nancy could see Captain Strand’s name on the screen.

“Cap?” She said in question as she answered. “Is everything alright?”  

“Everything’s fine,” he assured her and she couldn’t hide the deep sigh of release she let out at that, “better than fine actually. I have a plan, but I am going to need your help, if you’re willing. Well, you and the rest of the team.”  

“Sure,” she said, shifting the phone from her ear before putting it on speaker and placing it on the counter between them. “Name it, I’m sure we’ll be happy to help.”

“How do you feel about doing the 126 renovations ourselves? The red tape is going to take ages and I don’t know about you, but I’m eager to get the team back together as quickly as possible.”

She looked across the counter to see Nancy already grinning. “I think that sounds like a great idea Cap, just let me know what you need.”

“Just as many hands as we can get, though I hear you’re pretty good with mechanical stuff too so maybe a bit of that as well. Could you meet us at the station in two hours?”

“Sure thing Cap,” she replied, “I’ll be there and ready to get our team back.”

“That’s the plan,” Captain Stand agreed. “Oh, and one more thing. I hate to ask, but do you think you could pass it on to Nancy? I have TK out gathering supplies and I don’t want to put anything else on Captain Vega right now, and I’m embarrassed to say I don’t have her number.”

Marjan grinned across the counter to where Nancy was still standing, watching her with a warm smile.

“Not a problem Cap, she already knows. We’re together.”

Marjan doesn’t know if her Captain picks up on the double meaning of her words and she doesn’t care. All she does care is that she can say them; that they’re true. She cares that they are together. She might care more about that than she has really ever cared about anything.

She thinks that finally, she might know what love feels like, and she knows that whatever the future brings she’s ready to face it with her partner by her side.

[limetameta]

can we have drarry + 🦮🏆🧋❄️

Ok anon, pal, i'm sorry. but the dog emoji just looked like a regular dog to me. it wasn't until this point in 21:31 on 27th of january that i realised this said guide dog and only because i highlighted it and pasted it in the search bar. lmao i'll write you a guide dog fic on sunday cuz i like those critters and think they're very lovely

anyway here's the thing i devised for the prompt i thought these 17 eyes saw:

Draco Malfoy was crying. What else was new? Harry Potter cradled this manchild close to his chest and soothed him as best as he could. You see, something terrible had happened to this lovely couple.

What could be so terrible to cause Draco Malfoy to have an emotional outburst in public? A lot of things. Too many to list. This wasn't a novel or something even bigger than a novel which had a proper term for it in German, probably because of those compound nouns they were known for. The author wasn't going to burden you with this entire itemised list of things that could make one Draco Lucius Malfoy burst into tears.

No, Draco Malfoy had begun crying in earnest in public THIS TIME because his and Harry's poodle Hedwig had been DECIMATED in the recent dog show Draco and Harry had decided to compete in as a couple bonding activity.

Everything had been going swell, all until a small fluffy dog that looked like it was a cloud had come out and won every single discipline in the dog show. The judges were swooning, almost sobbing at the mere sight of this purebred dog.

Its name?

French.

That already made it the judges' favourite fluffy contestant.

Draco cursed Harry for allowing their dog to be named something so terrible like Hedwig. It didn't nearly roll off the tongue as beautifully as Flocon de Neige did!

But wait?

Whose dog could this possibly be?

And why were the judges almost hypnotised as they stared at this french dog?

Horrific laughter, screech like, alerted both Harry and Draco that some sort of walking abomination had come up to them to boast victory and mock their failure.

''Ha! Did you really think you would defeat us?''

Another man arrived, this one you'd think would be more subdued, but the high of victory and defeating children in dog shows was making him an even bigger mess than he usually was. ''Harry Potter, well, well, well, a failure through and through.''

''Voldemort.'' Harry glared.

Draco was pointing and ugly crying at the other man. ''How could you do this to me, grandfather? You knew how much this competition meant to me!''

Voldemort and Abraxas Malfoy looked at one another. They were as smug as two winners of a dog competition could be. Their laughter intertwined and made Draco and Harry feel smaller than they were. Abraxas Malfoy was crying from laughter at one point. Voldemort kept looking at Harry in that sort of 'I won and you lost and we haven't been at war in many, many years but I will use every opportunity to demolish you competitively at something that I physically can - suck it, nerd'

''Why are you hell bent on making our lives hell?'' Harry asked through gritted teeth. ''I know Abraxas doesn't think I'm worthy of Draco -''

Abraxas wiped his tears away and stopped, mid-laugh. ''Who says? I simply think you two are an inferior copy of us. I never said you weren't good enough for him. If anything, both of you being on the same level -''

''Completely and utterly beneath us and inferior to us in every concievable way,'' Voldemort added,

''-makes you perfect for each other. Look at Draco - a wealthy Malfoy who likes slumming it with dark haired half-bloods. And you - don't even get me started on you, Harry, you're very clearly a copy of Voldemort.''

''He does house my soul.''

''Yes! Look! A knock off Tom Riddle and Abraxas Malfoy! Why shouldn't I use every opportunity I can to make you feel silly because of it?''

''Because you LOVE me?'' Draco Malfoy shouted. He was holding Harry's hand firmly. Harry was holding Hedwig's leash. Voldemort was holding Flocon de Neige, the white pomeranian, and trying to get Abraxas to settle down.

A moment of complete and utter understanding crossed between a look Voldemort and Harry gave each other as their respective Malfoys began a shouting match.

[redhoodssweetheart]

Still Star-Crossed Part One

Sequel to Star-Crossed Lovers, please read Sad Ending Version Two for this to make sense) 

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Requested: No

Word Count: 1.5K

Warnings: Swearing, angst, more to be added later

Description:  Jason’s been gone for nearly two years.  Y/N has taken up the Red Hood mantle, but things are about to become complicated.

A/N: *Insert devil emoji grinning here* 

Two years.

That’s how long it had been since Jason had passed.  Two years and Y/N was now wearing the Red Hood mask.  It had only felt right to take up where he had left off.  She couldn’t sit idly by while people suffered as she had all those years ago.  Red Hood had helped her, loved her, and while she may never find love again she still wanted to help.

Dick was beside her, the two of them sitting with their feet dangling over the side of the building.  They were eating something from the diner they had just rescued from some muggers.  “It’s too quiet tonight,” he said and she instantly smacked him.

“Dude now we’re going to be swamped with work,” she frowned at him.  “That’s what people who work as like cops or EMTs say and then all hell breaks loose.”  As if on queue an explosion happened.  “I hate you.”

They dumped their food into the garbage bin below and Y/N put her helmet back on before they raced to their bikes to see what the damage was.  “Oracle,” she heard Dick say over the comms.  “There was an explosion near the Dodson’s diner, can you tell us what happened?”

There was a moment of silence and then they heard Barbara’s voice, “It looks like Gotham City Bank is being robbed.  Joker’s goons.”

“I really hate you, Nightwing,” Y/N said as she sped up to make it through a yellow light.  “You just had to say everything was quiet.”

“That explosion would have happened whether I had said what I said or not,” Dick fired back.

The two of them arrived on the scene and were greeted with the face of Joker who was laughing hysterically.  “Well look at what we have here,” he said as he swung a crowbar back and forth.  “It looks like the Bats have come to play tonight boys!”

“Don’t you ever just want to shoot this motherfucker in the head?”  She asked Dick as they were surrounded by Joker and his men.

She heard him sigh, “All the time.”

“We’re taking him to Arkham though, aren’t we?”

“Yep.”

She pulled out her guns and said, “I’ll take the goons on the left and you take the ones on the right.”  He merely nodded and leapt into action while she shot tranq darts into the ones that were running toward her.  If they got too close she switched to hand to hand and cracked them on the skull with the butt of her gun.

The entire time they were fighting one another Joker was watching and laughing.  The sick bastard was enjoying this way too much and Y/N gritted her teeth as she took out yet another one of Joker’s men.  When they were all on the ground she pointed her gun at Joker but he merely smiled that creepy smile and said, “I’d love to stay and play, but I’ve got a date that I just can’t miss.”  He pulled something out of his pocket and before she could shoot him he tossed whatever it was onto the ground, smoke flaring up around him.  

Y/N and Dick staggered back, coughing and fanning in front of their faces, the Joker’s laugh still echoing in their ears.  “Should we chase after him?”

Dick went to answer her, but Bruce’s voice over the comms made them pause.  “Red Hood, Nightwing, return to the cave,” that tone made both of them stand straighter. “Now.”

The two of them shared a look knowing what that voice meant. Something had happened. They sped back to the cave and when they entered there was a commotion. Barbara was wheeling toward them, a pensive look on her face as she said, “Y/N, please don’t freak out.”

“Why the hell is she wearing the Hood?!” A familiar voice snapped. She jerked her head toward an angry Jason. “Am I a girl on this earth?”  She removed her hood and the mask, letting him see her face for the first time.  Her mouth hung open slightly.

“Jason,” Bruce’s hand landed on his shoulder. “This is Y/N, she’s the new Red Hood.”

She stepped forward, a hand outstretched to touch him but he jerked back. “Jay, it’s me. It’s Y/N.”  She looked helplessly at Bruce.  How the hell was he here?  How did he not seem to know who she was? 

Jason looked at Bruce, “She doesn’t deserve the honor of wearing that Hood.”

Anger coursed through her veins. This wasn’t her Jason. “You don’t know what I deserve,” she hissed.  Turning she stalked back toward her bike, “You know where I’ll be.”

“Y/N,” Dick said helplessly but let her go. Before turning back to Bruce, “What the hell is going on here?”

“Barry accidentally traveled to another earth and picked up the Jason from there.  We’re trying to figure out how to send him back.”  That was the last thing she heard before she got on her bike and sped away.  Another Jason.  Not hers.  Of course, not hers.  Life wasn’t that kind to her.

Jason crossed his arms over his chest, “I still want to know why the fuck she has the mantle.”

Dick clenched his fists, “You know what Jason, I don’t think you deserve to know what she’s been through in order to gain our trust and that mantle.”  Dick left, leaving Barbara, Bruce, and Jason in the cave. 

“Come on I’ll show you to your room,” Bruce said at last steering Jason up to the main portion of the house. 

Y/N stumbled through the door of her apartment feeling like she couldn’t breathe.  She sucked in lungfuls of air and collapsed to the floor and before letting out a scream.  Tears welled up in her eyes and she slammed her hand on the floor repeatedly.  “Why?! Why?! Why?!”

All she wanted to do was curl up on the floor and cry, she wanted to turn on her heartbreak playlist and just sob to the depressing tunes.  She wanted to slam her fist through a wall.  How was the universe this cruel to her?  How could it take one of the best things away from her and then give it back but only a new version?  Something that would never fully be hers.

She felt around in her pocket for her phone and dialed the number she knew by heart, “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“Clark,” she sobbed.  “It’s Jason…. he’s back.”

She heard him shift, “How?”

“Barry,” she still couldn’t believe it.  “Bruce said that he went to another earth and brought the Jason from there to here.”  She let out another sob, “He’s not my Jason.”

Clark felt so helpless at that moment, “Y/N, I’m so sorry.  I don’t know what to say.  I don’t know how to make it better.”  He knew how hard she had taken Jason’s death.  “Do you want to come back to Metropolis for a few days?  Get out of Gotham while he’s there?”

She considered his offer for a moment, “I don’t know.  I’m needed here.  Joker got away and he said something about meeting someone.  The others may need me, but I’ll come if things get too overwhelming or they don’t fix this soon.”

Clark knew she was going to be stubborn about this.  “All right, but the offer still stands.  Lois and I would be more than willing to let you stay here.”  

She thanked him and hung up the phone, pushing herself off the floor and heading for the shower.  She needed time.  Time to think and process what had happened that night.

Jason stepped into the room that Bruce had shown him to.  He looked around and noted that it wasn’t that much different from the one on his earth.  Everything here seemed the same except for the fact that he wasn’t here and some woman was wearing the Red Hood mask.  He had felt angry when he saw her in it.  He didn’t even know her so what made her think that she could wear it?

Then he had seen her face and it was as if he had seen a ghost.

Walking over to the desk he noticed several pictures in pretty frames sitting on top of the surface.  He picked one of them up and saw that it was him and her.  They were lying in bed, she was burying her face into his neck and he was smiling.  Then the next one had him and her in an unfamiliar living room, she was kissing his cheek.

“The other you loved her,” a voice said behind him.  He turned and saw Cassandra standing there.  “He died trying to keep her safe.  She’s been through a lot and she doesn’t need someone with his face telling her that she doesn’t deserve what she has.  Because she’s paid her dues and then some.”

“We all have our sob stories, Cass,” he said with a frown.

“Yeah we do, but at least you didn’t have the love of your life die in your arms,” then she turned and walked away.  

Jason looked back at the photos of them and there was a pang in his chest.  It seemed the two of them had mirrored one another in ways he didn’t realize.  

Because she had died in his arms on his earth as well.

He hung his head and cursed himself.

[horansqueen]

New Angel - Chapter 9

story masterlist [x]

chapter 1  ☆ chapter 2  ☆ chapter 3  ☆ chapter 4  ☆ chapter 5  ☆ chapter 6  ☆ chapter 7  ☆ chapter 8

NOTES

☆ written from Niall’s pov ☆ i don’t proofread, I never do, I hate it. ☆ AU comedy/fluff/smut/romance ☆ 2.6k ☆ i accept requests and ideas for this story, so message me in my inbox! ☆ if you want to be notified when this story is updated (or be taken off the update list) CLICK HERE

NIALL

It was not easy falling asleep on that night. Everything kept running around my mind, stressing me in a way I hadn't been in a while. I was wondering what would happen to the friendship between Millie and Louis, how would living with them turn out to be, and if they would just end up hating each other. Would I have to play the peacemaker or worse, be both of their voices when they would want to 'communicate'. I didn't want to get between them and stop fights and arguments, I just wanted us to be all friends the way we used to be. Perhaps, Millie was right. Everything became messy when feelings were involved, and it made me wonder if the same thing would happen with Summer.

I sat in bed and rubbing my eyes with a sigh. I was not even directly implied in this story and yet, I felt like it was affecting me more than it should, but I couldn't help it. So much had happened in so little time that I felt overwhelmed with all the feelings, fights and new relationships building up around me. I was not against changes but when everything feels perfect, it's painful to see it stop.

That thought made me think about Grace and suddenly, I wanted to see her face. I got up without thinking more about it and made my way to the kitchen just to look at one of the pictures of her placed on the fridge. It was stupid and pathetic, I knew it, but it was the middle of the night and at least, I would look stupid and pathetic in front of no one but myself.

I stopped dead in my track as I walked in the hall and realized I was right in front of Millie's room. I moved slightly closer to the door and let my head fall down slightly as my eyes closed. I could hear her sob, her face probably pressed against a pillow since the sound was muffled. I stayed for what seemed like an hour in front of her door as my heart thumped hard in my chest. I heard her pain and at the same time, it revived mine intensely and I swallowed hard, trying to keep my tears in. I wanted to knock. I wanted to walk in there and take her in my arms. I wanted to tell her everything would be okay. I wanted to be there for her the way she had been there for me, but I couldn't. I was not strong enough to comfort her. I was in the same bad place as she was and I was not sure I really could help in any way. i felt like I would just make things worse or bring everything back to me, and that's clearly not what she needed.

I thought about how Millie shook me, made me get up, almost forced me to get back on my feet and go back to work. I thought about how she took care of me recently, helped me with Summer, listened to all my shit and gave me great advice. I breathed in and knock at the door gently with one of my knuckle. The sob stopped and it became completely quiet. I waited a few seconds an finally licked my lips.

"Mill, it's me." I let out in a low and soft tone. "I just wanted to check on you."

"I'm alright, Niall, thank you." she replied quickly.

I heard her voice crack as she talked and placed one of my palms on the door as if it would change anything. "I know you think no one cares, but I do. I want to listen to you, Mill. You can vent to me if you want, you can cry to me. You can always be yourself with me, okay? I'm interested in how you feel."

I waited for about a minute but realized she wouldn't answer and I finally just sighed. "I mean it. You can knock at my room any day, any time. Good night, Mill."

I walked to the kitchen, only glancing at the picture of Grace and falling grabbed a water bottle before walking back to my room. I sat in bed and grabbed my phone, frowning slightly when I noticed a message.

'Thank you, Niall.' with a heart emoji was sent from my roommate and the left corner of my lips raised in a sad smile before I only typed a different heart emoji as an answer.

-----

I woke up the next morning and took a shower before walking to the living room with my laptop. I put golf on tv but I wasn't really looking. I had a dream about Grace and it was so real and vivid that I knew it would fuck me up for a few days and I hated it. Instead to try to get distracted from it, I decided to check on her social medias and just as I thought, it was an extremely bad idea. I started scrolling through the pictures of her trip and felt slightly better when I realized she hadn't lied to me. She was with her four best friends and she looked happy. It messed up with my head even more because while I was a total wreck and pathetic and sad human being, she was laughing and having fun with her friends. Clearly, we weren't going through this break-up the same way and it was not only painful but also unsettling. I has spent that time sitting on my couch watching the same movie three times in two days, I had not showered in days and felt like my heart was in dust... while she was drinking on a beach, partying and meeting new people. It was sad and I knew it, and I clearly needed to stop yearning for her and the love she was not giving me anymore. I had to move on, and not just survive.

"No fucking way."

I jumped at the voice behind me and quickly turned my head to meet Millie's raised eyebrows and judgemental look. What actually surprised me the most was not that she had walked in the living room without me noticing, but it was that if I wasn't aware of her fight with Louis the night before, and if I hadn't heard her cry in the middle of the night, I coul easily believe that Louis hadn't broken up with her at all. I had no idea how she was hiding it but it made me a bit jealous. I wish I could pretend I didn't care, too.

"Mill, hey, are you alright?"

"I was!" she started, tilting her head. "But then I walked in here and caught you checking pictures of your ex girlfriend on her social medias? It's not only creepy, Niall, it's also very sad."

"Yea." I agreed with a sigh, glancing at the screen of my computer again. "I can't say you're wrong."

Millie walked to the couch and sat next to me before quickly closing my computer and turning my way. Her eyes met mine and my eyebrows raised.

"What?" I asked, my lips curling on the left.

"Nothing, I was just thinking we both deserved to get drunk."

I nodded and put my computer away on the coffee table before turning to my friend with a bigger smile. "Yes, we do. What do you have in mind?"

"A small party. Here. Tonight." she proposed, shrugging a shoulder. "When we've had enough, we just throw everyone out. And we don't have to think of a way to get home, or get a designed driver because we won't leave this apartment."

"Okay, who do we invite?"

"Just a few friends and yes, you can invite Summer. You can even ask her to bring a few of her friends, too."  she pointed out with a bigger smile. "I'd love to meet them."

"Eh, don't be so sure. They're... weird."

Millie chuckled and shook her head but her traits softened and she finally sighed. "I'm happy you found someone, Niall." she admitted in a low and gentle tone. "You really deserve to be happy."

My amused smiled turned into a fond one and I reached for one of her hands, squeezing her fingers tight. I wanted to tell her that she deserved it too and that it would definitely happen to her soon, but I knew she'd just tell me to shut up. Grace had broken up with me a few weeks before but for Millie, it was not even a day old. It was too recent to think about someone else, at least, emotionally. I pressed my lips together, realizing that with Summer, it was not really an emotional connection either and that even if I knew it could be, it would still take time. I had to admit that I normally fall fast but this time, it was different because I was not over Grace.

"You know we sort of have to invite Louis." I replied, raising my nose up.

"I know. It's all good. He lives here too." she shrugged, looking away. "Okay, I'll make a few calls and then go get some food and beers."

She got up and without thinking, I did the same. "Millie." I waited until she turned to me and finally tilted her head. "I meant what I said last night. I understand how you feel. You can open up to me, you know. I'm not curious, I honestly care about you."

Her lips parted lightly and her eyes roamed slowly on my face. My words seemed to surprise her and make her speechless but she finally nodded.

"Thank you. I just... I'm just not used to that." she admitted in a whisper. "I don't think anyone ever.. cared. I just don't know how to do that."

"Gotta start somewhere."

We just stared at each other for a minute or two but it was not awkward. I could read so many emotions on her eyes and I finally just sent her a small smile.

"I promise I'll try."

-----

Millie and I stopped at a restaurant for take out and ate together in the kitchen. I had decided to open a bottle of red wine and we were almost done with it when we brought our dishes in the sink.

"Are you going to invite Summer to sleep here?"

"Naa," I grimaced, shaking my head as I opened the fridge to grab a beer. "I'm scared that if we start that it'll become more intimate and I'm just... not ready."

"Take your time, there's no rush."

I opened my beer just as the doorbell rang and soon, a bunch of people had invaded my living room. My lips curled when Summer appeared in and I quickly walked to her, wrapping my arms around her neck and pulling her into a hug.

"The most beautiful girl has arrived. Finally."

She giggled against my chest and I loosened my embrace to look down at her. We had said we wouldn't kiss in public so I just smiled and licked my lips.

"Want something to drink?" I proposed, raising my eyebrows.

"I'm pretty sure my friends are already in the kitchen, stealing stuff in your fridge."

I chuckled and shook my head, glancing at the kitchen before moving my gaze back to Summer. "No worries, that's exactly why Millie and I filled it this afternoon."

I felt my heart jump in my chest, wondering if I should tell Summer about what had happened between Millie and Louis but I quickly decided against it. I wanted to tell her, if only to make sure she wouldn't say something awkward about their relationship, but at the same time, I was well aware it was none of my business, and not my place at all to share this with anyone.

"Just out of curiosity, does Andrew have something against me?"

Summer frowned for a second but finally shook her head and it surprised me that she hadn't noticed how her friend was looking at me. If she was that obviously about it, perhaps she would think my theory about him having feelings for her a bit hard to believe and once again, I decided not to tell her, at least not now. It reminded me that we had promised each other we'd be honest and I felt like I was failing to keep that promise.

"No, of course not!" she answered with a smile. "Andrew likes everyone!"

My lips curled slightly on the right as I looked at her. It was cute how naive she could be and the way she smiled made me want her to keep being oblivious to all the bad things around her. Maybe that was what real happiness was : only seeing the good in people. Unfortunately, I couldn't do that.

"Niall, come on, you're not being a good host!"

We both turned to Millie who handed a glass of wine to my friend and Summer sent her a big smile, thanking her.

"Thank you for inviting me and my friends, Millie!"

"You're very welcome, I'm glad you're here."

I chuckled as I watched them interact and finally turned to my best friend and raised my eyebrows, an amused smile spread on my lips. "What about me? No drink for me?"

"You've always drank half of a bottle of red wine earlier, go get a beer or something!"

I chuckled again and pushed MillieMs hips with mine, making her laugh again.

"Don't tell me what to do, pet!"

"And don't call me like that!" she whined, making me laugh even more.

"I think I need something stronger." I pointed out, sending a smile to Summer and walking to the kitchen.

"Sharing is caring!" I heard Millie yell when I was far enough and I turned around, bringing my hand high and showing her a thumb up. She smiled more and kissed her palm before blowing on her hand and I rolled my eyes, a smile still gracing my lips.

I wanted to have fun on that night and I wanted Millie to change her mind and get drunk with me, too. She was right, we both deserved it after having our hearts broken and I was scared she would fall into a depressive phase the way I had had. It was not the impression she gave and I knew she wanted to look strong and unbreakable in front of everyone but I could read her so easily it was scary. Perhaps it was because I was going through the same thing, or maybe I just noticed little things that other people didn't, but in the end, I knew Millie was extremely sad. No matter what she said, I knew she had strong feelings for Louis and it would probably be even harder for her to get over him than it was for me to get over Grace, if only because he was a close friend and they lived in the same apartment.

I walked back to the living room with two glasses of vodka but I lost my smile immediately when I heard Louis' voice. I had invited him but I had made it clear that if he would prefer to spend his evening with his new girl, it was totally okay. I hadn't expected him to actually show up and something stirred inside my stomach. He walked slowly closer and that's when I noticed the tall and pretty brunette next to him. I held my breath and blinked a few times, knowing that it was the worst case scenario happening right in front of my eyes. Louis had brought his new girlfriend with him, knowing that Millie would have to see them together and suddenly, I felt completely powerless.

[fdrsamericanflagduckfloaty]

I raise the fic idea of NatM!Teddy and like HistoricallyAccurate!Teddy meeting or whatever

LOUD SCREAMING

NO YOU'RE SO RIGHT

IF NOBODY ELSE IS GONNA DO IT IN THIS LIFETIME (bro's kinda just like not there in a good amount of fics) IM GONNA DO IT

IM GONNA PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS. ALL THE NAMES. NOBODY'S GONNA GET IT BUT ILL EXPLAIN IN THE NOTES AND IT'S GONNA FLUFF AND ANGST. AND A BIT OF BITCH TALK

YOU'LL SEE

MERCI MON AMI 😭💪

I MEANT TWO SOBBING EMOJIS BUT SAME THING TBH

[calamitykaty]

Don’t Forget

CHARLIE X READER

WORD COUNT: 2399

WARNINGS: SOME SWEARING...LOTS OF ANGST, SOME FLUFF

REQUESTED: NO

“Promise you won’t forget about me when you make your dreams come true?” Her fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt as she clung to him desperately. 

Charlie’s thumbs swiftly swiped the tears that gathered under her eyes. 

“I would never forget you, couldn’t even if I tried, love.” He promised and gently stepped out of her embrace as his flight was called for boarding. 

She wrapped her arms around her body, her knuckles white as they dug into her ribs. A quiet sob escaped as she watched her best friend disappear into the airport crowd. 

She had been friends with Charlie since they were practically in diapers. She was there for every major milestone of his and he was there for all of hers. She was there when Charlie played his first open mic and he was there for her first dance recital. He held her when she went through her first heartbreak, the same way she held him when he got his first “no” after a huge audition. If you asked Charlie, they went together like Peanut Butter and Eggs. 

She remembered crying for what felt like weeks when Charlie broke the news that he was moving to California to chase his dreams of acting. It wasn’t that she didn’t know the day would eventually come but she expected to be right there with him, along for the ride. Life didn’t work out that way for her though. She had suffered a career ending knee injury that took her from the largest stages in Canada to the sidelines of helping other dancers into costume changes backstage. 

Charlie kept his promise for the most part, at first, anyways. But then the first year had flown by  like nothing and their daily video chats slowly turned into weekly calls before calls turned into texts every now and then until texts turned into instagram comments and occasional likes. It wasn’t long before her calls were sent straight to voicemail by the boy and she felt her world slowly slipping away from her. She couldn’t blame him for living his life. Mostly, she just blamed herself for investing so much of her life into him. 

“Y/N!!!” Charlie's voice echoed through the phone, a large smile plastered on his face before he turned the camera around “Look! Palm trees...PALM TREES!” the boy yelled with giddy excitement. 

Her laughter filled the air in response. She missed him already but wouldn’t let him know that. 

“God, I can’t wait until you come visit. You’re going to love it here! The people...the food...the atmosphere...it’s just so electric here” 

“I can’t wait, Char”

The boy turned the camera back around so it was facing him “I miss you” he spoke softly and there it was, the words she was dying to hear. 

“You and me against the world, eh?” 

“Always, Y/N, Always.” 

“Hey, Y/N, we're gonna grab some lunch,.You want something?” She was pulled back to reality by her supervisor. 

She shook her head and pulled her hair up into a ponytail. The last show of the season had just wrapped the day prior and she was tasked with organizing all of the costumes and getting them back into storage. She quickly got back to work, pulling dresses from the rack and placing them in dress bags, making sure each was labeled correctly before putting them in order on the storage rack. She did this for each costume before moving to jewelry, shoes and other accessories. She pulled her phone from her pocket at the feeling of it vibrating. 

“Did you hear Charlie landed a netflix series?” Her sister, Lane, texted her. 

The corners of her lips tugged up into an involuntary smile and she sent back a simple thumbs up emoji before stuffing the phone back into her back pocket. 

She could feel angry tears welling up in her eyes and bit her lip trying to keep them at bay. She was happy for Charlie, truly. But the hurt she felt from finding out that he finally got his big break, a potentially life altering role, from her sister instead of from him was almost unbearable. Y/N wiped the tears from her eyes and grabbed her purse from the desk across the room, fishing her car keys out of the side pocket. She silently made her way across the parking lot to her baby blue Subaru Outback, the car that Charlie had convinced her to buy just so her car would match his orange one. 

Y/N quietly sang along to the song on the radio as muscle memory guided her to the local market where she needed to buy a few necessities. She clicked the little lock on her key fob twice, the car beeping to signal the doors had locked. She grabbed a cart and pulled her shopping list out of her purse, though she had every intention of just wandering around aimlessly and grabbing things as she saw fit anyways. She grabbed a box of tampons, some body care essentials and turned down the next aisle, her eyes looking down at the list, 

“Granola..” she muttered to herself and let her eyes wander down the aisle until she found what she was looking for. She tossed a canister bag of honey and vanilla granola into her cart before turning down the next aisle. 

“Y/N, is that you honey?” 

She looked up to find Charlie’s mother standing at the opposite end of the aisle. A smile broke out onto her face as she pushed her cart to the blonde haired woman. “Hi, Mrs. Gillespie” she pulled her into a hug. Charlie’s mom squeezed the breath out of her, the type of hug that only mothers give. 

“How have you been, dear? We haven’t seen you around lately.” 

She looked away, a tinge of guilt on her stomach. Part of Charlie being her person for so long was his family being like a second family to her, but it also meant that when Charlie disappeared from her life, she too disappeared from theirs. 

“Just been busy, I guess” She lied. “I should get going, it was nice seeing you Mrs. G”

Mrs. Gillespie gently squeezed her shoulder “Well, don’t be a stranger, yeah?” 

Y/N mustered a smile and nodded her head though her smile just as quickly fell when her ears picked up on a familiar laugh coming from behind her.  Y/N hurriedly turned the aisle and let out a breath that she hadn’t realized she had been holding. She felt her hands shaking and contemplated just abandoning her cart and coming back to the market another time. 

She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and clicked on the instagram app and searched for Charlie’s page. He had posted a picture two days prior of him hiking the Fundy, the caption read Good to be back home. Missed my people and my favorite place to hike. Y/N clicked on the picture, bringing up all of the people he tagged on the post, a mixture of family and friends, but most notably not her. 

“Hey, stranger…” Y/N muttered through the phone, the first time Charlie had answered her call in nearly three weeks. 

“Hey…” Y/N could hear loud music in the background 

“Is this a bad time?” she asked nervously. 

“No...I mean...w-well, kinda…” Charlie admitted. “I’ll call you tomorrow?” He offered in exchange. 

“Y-yeah, ok.” Y/N sighed, the phone disconnecting before she  could say anything else. She had kept her phone next to her at work the entire today the next day waiting for a phone call that never came. 

She pushed on through the rest of the market and grabbed all of the items that were on her list before heading to the self check-out. She could see the two Gillespies at the other side of the store, benign checked out by a teenage cashier. She quickly scanned her items and bagged them up before placing her debit card in the card reader and punched her code in before grabbing her receipt and making a hasty beeline for the exit, trying her hardest not to be stopped by Charlie's mother again. 

Her plan worked and she made it to her car without being stopped. She clicked the unlock button on her key fob before opening the hatch on the back and began loading her groceries into the back. She had almost escaped scot-free but when she closed the hatch her eyes landed on the boy, leaning against her car with a smile plastered on his face. 

“Charles.” She nodded curtly and turned around to take her cart back to the coral. She could hear his footsteps chasing behind her as she pushed the cart where it belonged. She felt the boy tug at her waist, turning her around to face him. 

“Hey, stranger” Charlie whispered down to her. 

She gently pushed against his chest, creating space between them and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Don’t touch me, Charlie.” She meant it to come out of her mouth with venom, for it to sound hateful, and mean but instead it came out as a scared plea. 

Charlie frowned, his eyebrows knitted down in confusion. He reached out a hand again but dropped it back down to his side when Y/N stepped further back from him again. She could feel the sting of tears start to prick at the back of her eyes and cursed herself, the last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of the boy. 

“Y/N…” Charlie begged as she walked away from him and quickly got into her car. She placed the key into the ignition and pulled out of the parking space, leaving the confused boy behind in her rear view mirror. When she got home, Y/N, abandoned her groceries in the car and headed straight to her room when she crawled under the covers and let her body finally feel all of the emotions that she had held in, her body shook with each hiccup caused by her sobs. Her phone quietly dinged next to her every 30 seconds for a few minutes until the texts turned to phone calls that she let go to voicemail. 

She woke up to a weight shifting on her bed, her eyes slowly fluttered open and landed on the boy laying next to her with worry in his eyes. She had forgotten that she had given him a key to her apartment the year before he left. 

“What are you doing here?” Her voice quivered. 

Charlie reached out, his hand cupping her cheek, the pad of his thumb lightly running from side to side against her soft skin. Y/N flinched at his touch causing him to remove his hand.She wanted to yell out to him, to push him away and tell him that she never wanted to see him again but she just didn’t have the energy to fight him. 

“Why was I so easy to forget?” she settled on, her voice raspy and broken. 

He knew he had hurt her but had spent the last year pushing it to the back of his mind, reassuring himself that when he got back to town that everything would just fall back into place. He never took into account the magnitude of pain that he had caused his person. 

“Y/N...I-i’m sorry” Charlie blinked back his own tears “y-you’re not forgettable--you’re everything to me, you’re my person.” 

“I’m not” Y/N whispered, “not anymore, Charlie.” Her eyes avoided his as she turned onto her back to stare at the stark white ceiling. 

“Congrats on the netflix role” 

‘I was going to tell you” Charlie sighed. 

She could feel his eyes burning into the side of her cheek. Y/N pursed her lips “sure.” She could feel the anger in chest start to ignite again and tuned so her back was facing him.

“You don’t get to come back, Charlie, and act like you didn’t erase me from your life over the past year.”

‘That’s not true, Y/N, I didn’t--”

“It is! And you know it!” She cut him off, her voice growing louder. She swung her legs to the edge of the bed and stood up, Charlie following suit. 

“It’s not like you ever came to visit me in California, this isn’t all on me, Y/N” Charlie argued.  

Y/N shot daggers at the boy, her hands raked through her hair. “Are you fucking kidding me, Charlie?” She spit with venom “You NEVER invited me! YOU stopped taking my calls, YOU stopped answering my texts, YOU decided you didn’t want me anymore.” 

Charlie's face softened “T-that isn’t true.”

“Isn’t it though?” She hissed in response with a bitter laugh.

“It was too hard” Charlie admitted selfishly “I couldn’t get you out of my head a-and I was blowing auditions because of it. I--I was really homesick..for you…” He closed the distance between them and pulled Y/N into his arms despite her pushing against his chest, he held tighter until her arms wrapped around his waist.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” Charlie whispered over and over and kissed the top of her head. The pair clung together for what seemed like an eternity before Charlie pulled back and cupped her face with both of his hands, the pads of his thumbs wiping away her tears. 

“Come to Vancouver with me?” His eyes searched hers. 

“Vancouver?”

Charlie let his lips curl up “It’s where the series is getting filmed, come with me...I don’t want to lose you again” he pleaded, his eyes flicking down from her eyes to her lips and back up again. 

“Yeah..ok” Y/N hesitantly agreed as she leaned in meeting Charlie halfway, their lips connected. Charlie dropped his right hand from her cheek and grabbed her hip, pulling her closer to him. Her hands weaved around his neck as her mouth opened, inviting Charlie in to explore before she pulled back and rested her forehead against his, her eyes closed and a small smile on her face. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time,” Charlie admitted sheepishly. Y/N rocked up on her toes, her lips ghosting across his “next time don’t wait so long” she responded before connecting their lips again.

Let me know if you wan to be added to my taglist!

@crybabyddl @straywonpil @siennanoelle01 @choppedhoundsludgeclod @cool-ultra-nerd @hxney-bunches-x @sorryyoureoutofmyleague @angryknightstatesmantrash @onlygetaway @iainttakingshitfromnobody

[baka-writings]

𝘈 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘖𝘯𝘦 - 𝘒𝘪𝘮 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘣𝘪𝘯 & 𝘓𝘦𝘦 𝘚𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘬 (𝘚𝘍9)

Warnings: angst, smut (not a threesome), probably car sex, fuckboy!Dawon, language, unprotected sex (reader is on birth control), mentions of past trauma which includes triggering themes such as harassment etc; If this is something that might trigger you, please don't read this as it will be slightly detailed

Summary: There was something going on between you and Dawon, you weren't dating but weren't fwb either. You had a crush on him despite his fuckboyish lifestyle, because before when you talked he himself said he liked you, so you thought it will be okay. But it wasn't. What will happen?

Word count: around 4k (rip)

This gonna be very long honestly, so prepare yourself. Also this is written in a huge time interval so please read everything, because it might not make sense If you skip something. It's starting in the past and continues until present day. Also² I was not naming the members, they were always "your friends" and "your brother" because I let you choose who your brother is so I didn't want it to be weird

Thank you for reading🖤

𝙇𝙚𝙚 𝙎𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙝𝙮𝙪𝙠;

Many see him as that handsome, funny and talented guy. All of that is true, but what they don't know and don't see is the fact that he can have and he in fact has every girl who wants him. It always pissed you off, because you had a huge crush on him, but yeah you're not the only one as you can see. Sometimes you thought about how lucky those girls were, but on the other hand you pitied them. You shouldn't be worrying about such things though, it's not like he'd ever feel the same way as you feel about him. Not with these girls around anyway.

His friends knew how you felt about him and they felt sorry for you. Not the pitiful sorry, but the sad one, because they knew your feelings were genuine, but they will never be returned; not from Sanghyuk. Your brother (choose which member you want as your bro, except Dawon and Youngbin) always joked that you can have one of his friends who were your friends as well, but that's not the same. You can't just throw the crush on someone away in seconds. However, the sight of him fucking every bitch that passed him hurt you everytime. You were living like this for five months and nothing has changed since then. Well you knew your brother was right, there was a certain someone with a crush on you so by time you could develop a relationship, but it's not that simple. You're not like Sanghyuk. You can't just "love" one person today and another one the next day. You wouldn't be able to even If you tried. Not gonna lie all of this was getting to you. No sleep, lot's of anxiety and stress. Your brother and his friends started to notice that, but you always shut the off so they didn't bother you. Throughout the time you hung out with them, even Sanghyuk joined sometimes, which always lowkey made you happier, because he actually talked you nicely, hugged you, was close to you as If he wasn't fucking that girl he came home with last night. Why was he so affectionate all of a sudden? Honestly you knew something was off and you weren't that naïve to actually think he'd like you or that he'd actually date you and ditch his bitches. You were long over it.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Week by week after those few times he hung out with you, Sanghyuk was having less and less girls around himself, that made you suspicious. You didn't want to ask him about it, it's none of your business anymore, okay honestly it never was your business plus you were starting to slowly fall out of your whole crush thing. But there must've been something wrong with Sanghyuk. He casually talked to you whenever you dropped by, actually sometimes replied to you in a group chat the 10 of you have. Before he always ignored it or just replied with an emoji. Is this a prank? That's the only thing that came to your mind. There was no way he was being nice to you just because he wanted to. You told one of your friend's what was happening and all they told you was 'you should be happy'. But should you really? This was not making you happy, suspicious and intrigued yes, but not happy.

You continued to play his little game for weeks. You got a bit closer to each other and in that period of time you haven't seen him with any other girl. You could maybe give him a chance no? You asked him what happened and how come he wasn't doing whatever he was doing before. His reply was simple, only a 'because I like you now so I'm not touching any other girl'

He liked you.. at that time. You asked him about the 'now', because to you it sounded like 'I want to fuck and dump YOU now that's why I'm nice' But even If so, you couldn't believe he was not around any other girls? What If he really liked you?

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Your relationship has been going on & off for about 2 months. It was weird, because you were close, but not dating neither fucking. Even your friends and your brother actually believed that he is finally normal and that you guys would be probably dating anytime soon. However to be super honest, surprisingly it wasn't him who didn't want to date, it was you. There was still some kinda of tension from your side towards him, even If it's not that visible. You just couldn't really 'submit' to him...for personal reason he didn't know about. No one knew, not even your brother.

Some time has passed and Sanghyuk was starting to be a bit more impatient and became touchy and demanding with you. Of course you didn't like it. Now it was all getting to you, he wanted you now as he said before, which meant the exact same thing you thought before. But you didn't want it and he didn't understand. You said no everytime he tried something. It was all getting really uncomfortable, because he didn't care at all. You were just another one of his fuck toys.

You didn't know whether to cry or yell at him. You fell for his charms again and he let you down..again.

That one day you finished earlier at school/work and your brother and friends had a week off so you thought to visit them in their dorm without announcing yourself. You were greeted with a hug from your brother, however he seemed a bit... stressed? When you asked him about it, he said it was nothing so you brushed it off. As you walked inside, you were greeted by some of your friends as well, some hugging you, some just waving. You were talking about your days, schedules, weather, anything that came to your mind. Which also reminded you of a certain someone. Although your relationship was getting worse after what he did, you still low-key cared? Yes dumb.

But when you asked them where Sanghyuk was, they all got nervous and avoided the question. You wanted to call them out, but right at that time he was walking with not one, but two girls who obviously weren't his "friends" at all. Oh so he was at it again.

Everyone could see how your expression changed. He was just standing there, laughing with those bitches as If you weren't there at all.

"This is what "liking" me looks like? I thought...well I hoped you'd actually stop with all of this" you were looking straight into his soul.

"You hoped for what again? You didn't even let me touch you, how could you even expect me to keep liking you" he replied with no regret, not even after he realized your brother was literally in the same room. They all stood shocked and angry.

"You know shit about me, I knew you were an asshole, but I didn't know this much" you told him.

"Yet you still 'loved' me. If you'd let me take you, one of these would be you" he motioned at his hoes, disgusting you.

"You know what, fuck off all 3 of you" you stormed out as fast as you could, letting your tears fall.

••••••••••••••••Present Time••••••••••••••••

Now you're alone, sitting on the beach during s peaceful looking evening/night. You don't know when you got there, but it was so quiet there. All you could hear were your sobs. Right when you stormed out of the dorm, your legs took you the furthest they could. Now you knew you could let it all go and cry until you couldn't anymore, because you were alone, which was bad but also good at the same time.

Your phone was buzzing like crazy, probably messages from your brother, you though. You didn't want him to worry so you checked all messages which mostly said "where are you" and "are you okay?" . No you weren't okay, not at all.

It buzzed another time, but this time it was not your brother. It was a message from Youngbin. Great. You had nothing against Youngbin, but didn't want to talk to anyone, but you checked the message anyway. Maybe because you had that soft spot for Youngbin? He had a crush on you, which was known to you, but he never said or tried anything, because he respected you and knew you liked Sanghyuk.

The message said:

Where are you? I'm going to pick you up

You were hesitant to reply, but told him where you were. After some time you saw someone walking over to you, since it was dark you couldn't recognise who it was, only when they got closer you recognized the person - Youngbin.

He say beside you, silently scared to speak up.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly.

"What for? " you didn't look at him. You didn't want him to see your puffy eyes. But he knew anyway.

"For everything that happened" he said in a rather quiet voice.

"It's not your fault.." right, it wasn't his fault, he only felt sorry for you..

"But you don't deserve what he did" you laughed at his response. It wasn't meant to be rude, but you couldn't help yourself.

"Maybe I do" Youngbin took a breathe and wanted to say something, but you continued

*TW ahead*

"All of my relationships were the same" you still haven't looked at him

"Was cool at first, but then?" you giggled again

Youngbin was looking at you, waiting for you to continue what you wanted to say.

"...then I became their sex toy only. They thought they can touch me and make me do things anytime" he still listened hatefully.

" And the word no?"

" It was like an invitation for them. I could've screamed and begged them to stop, but no use. No one could hear me" Youngbin was looking at you with wide eyes, not daring to say anything.

“It would be a lot easier If it happened once... but it was two times in two different relationships” you continued

“So I asked myself, what’s wrong with me that it had to happen so often” you were tearing up now, so was Youngbin, but he decided to speak up.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, trust me”

“Then why did it happen?” you raised your voice and looked him in the eyes. He didn’t know what to reply, your situation wasn’t easy and he was scared he’d hurt you. Oh If you just knew how he loved you.

All of this was making him mad. How can someone hurt you? He’d never imagine hurting you, both physically and mentally. His blood was boiling as you continued.

“At that time it was so hard for me and honestly I wanted to end it all, but I stayed strong” Youngbin got closer to you and hugged you carefully. You let him.

“So when Sanghyuk touched me it all came back and I realized he viewed me as one of his many girls as well”

Youngbin spoke up “Does your brother know about all of this?”  You shook your head no.

“He knows them, what do you think he’d do?” You looked at Youngbin.

“Most likely murder them” he half asked half said.

„That’s right plus he is busy with his own things“ You replied

Youngbin was still hugging you which strangely calmed you down. Affection usually made you jumpy or scared for obvious reasons, but Youngbin’s hug was so soothing. You let your head fall on his shoulder as you sighed.

„I just don’t understan why does this always happen to me. I just want to be loved“ you sighed again. Youngbin was a bit hesistant, but spoke up

„I can show you real love“ he knew it sounded a bit better in his head and by the look on your face he was scared that he messed up.

You raised an eyebrow. Since you knew he had a crush on you it didn’t really surprise you, but the timing was kinda wrong.

„Oh? Please be more specific, I don’t want to end up like before“ your face was too close to his.

„I mean...you probably know since your brother can’t shut up, but I really love you and I’d never hurt you“ you looked away not knowing what to say.

„That’s what all of them said and look“ what you said sounded a bit harsh, but he understood very well. It’s not easy to trust someone after all you’ve been through.

„I understand and respect whatever your reply is, just wanted to let you know“

The word ‚respect‘ was stuck in your head. Is actually someone really ready to respect you? Deep down you knew what he’s saying is true. Youngbin is that person who’d indeed respect you.

You looked at him, worry in his eyes visible.

„I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-“ you cut him off with a kiss. He was caught off guard obviously and fell on his back, your upper body on his.This is crazy and you know that. Honestly If it was someone else you’d not have done that, but you knew how he felt about you. And never stopped liking you despite your obvious interest in Sanghyuk. Maybe Youngbin was the person who deep down kept you from completely sumbitting to Sanghyuk?

When you stopped kissing, you’d expect yourself so sit up, away from laying on Youngbin, but you did the opposite. Youngbin was looking at you lovingly, but still worried. You kissed him again, more passionately this time, showing him you really trust him. He of course kissed back, to deepen the kiss he brought you closer to him.

He pulled away giving you one of his smiles.

„I’m sorry to break this moment, but we’ll get sick If we keep laying there“ you nodded when you realized you were still on the beach late at night. You got up, cleaning yourself of sand as well as Youngbin did the same.

„Tell me your car is close“ Youngbin chuckled at your comment.

„Lucky for you, your car is right here“ he pointed at himself. You raised an eyebrow, it sounded way too dirty, but you stayed quiet since you didn’t want to ruin the mood.

„What? You don’t want a ride?“ he smiled innocently. Your eyebrow was still raised.

„I’ll gladly ride you then“ his eyes darkened after your reply. Well Kim Youngbin I can play too.

„Careful what you wish for“ he pointed out. You smiled at him innocently as you jumped on his back for a ‚ride‘.

He was carrying you all the way to where his car was. Throughout the so called ride you were hugging him tightly.

When you reached his car, he let you stand and wait until he unlocked it so you could climb inside.

„But I don’t want to go back there“ you looked at him with sad eyes.

„I know, don’t worry we’ll go somewhere else“ he smiled. You took a ride throught the city and stopped near plain field and hills? It was too dark for you to indetify where you were, but everything was better than going back to dorms and see Sanghyuk’s asshole face. Youngbin found a nice place where to park  and from where you can actually see the night city. You stayed in the car as it was cold outside and what would be the point of leaving your previous place, because it was cold just to get to another place and go outside, right?

You were sitting in silence, but it was a peaceful silence.

„Thank you“ you spoke up and smiled at him.

„What for?“ he smiled back.

„For respecting me and letting me trust you“ he was touched by your kind words and wanted to show you how much he respected and loved you.

„Show me how much you love me“ You almost choked on what you just said. It wasn’t meant to be said out loud.

„Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you“ you nodded. A confirmation was enough for him to continue. His eyes changed from worried and unsure to loving. He leaned in to kiss you. You climbed over to him and sat on his lap, never breaking the kiss. Youngbin’s hands were carefully traveling all over your body. His kisses were passionate and deep. You’ve never felt such kisses before, before all your kisses were forced as well as everything you were about to do with Youngbin. You’ve never felt real love in any aspect, you were ready and wanted to experience it at least once.

You broke the kiss, stared into his eyes and kissing him again. At this point no words were needed. Your hands sneaked under his hoodie and shirt, feeling his toned body. Youngbin’s hands were under you shirt too. His hands were almost everywhere they could reach. You moaned into the kiss which made him turned on, you could tell how hard he got under you.

You couldn't help but grind yourself on his lap, earning a moan from him. His hands rested on your hips, guiding them as you were still moving them over his covered member.

"We should move this to the back" he said between kisses. You got off him and move yourself on the backseat as there was more place. After climbing over himself, he attacked your lips again so did his hands your body. You moaned into the kiss, earning a smirk from Youngbin. His lips traveled all the way to your neck and collarbone, leaving marks everywhere his lips touched you. You bucked up your hips to meet his sadly still clothed dick. This time it was his time to moan.

“Please it’s too cold for this, just take me” you half pouted half moaned. Youngbin’s smirk grew wider signalling to you that he understands. He stripped you off your pants and panties in one motion. When you wanted to do the same to him, he grabbed your wrists and pinned them over your head.

He chuckled "Next time sweetheart" While pinning your hands with one hand, he stripped himself with the same motion he did to you. It was impressive honestly how he managed to do all that with one hand. Youngbin kissed you while he entered you slowly, letting you adjust to him. The sudden friction made you moan into the kiss and Youngbin was loving it.

His hips started to move, thrusts slow but deep hitting all the right spots. You were still restricted from moving, but wanted to be as close to him as possible. If it was even possible to be honest. Your legs sneaked around his waist, keeping his hips where they should be.

His both kisses and thrust were becoming sloppier, even his hand left your wrists so he could support himself and not falling on you. His growls turned into low moans, mixing them with you own higher ones.

Youngbin felt your walls clenching around him which meant you were close and he knew it. That made him go a bit faster, coming right after you did. He gave you a few more thrusts, but keeping still inside yourself.

"Y/N, I'm sorry...I promise you none of this will end up the same as before, I love you" he kissed you.

"I love you too Youngbin"

"..and Thank You"

The End.

[kandikorne]

What’s Left of Me [BTS AU]

Words: 3.6 K

Summary: Jungkook was a typical college student. Nothing interesting there, his only friend, Kim Seokjin, or as he calls him, Jin, is terribly ill with an unknown illness that not even the doctors can prescribe. One night Jin asks Jungkook if he wants to play a game. Only the game isn’t what Jungkook thought. But it’s just a game right? What’s the worst that could happen?

Genre: Angst, Mature Content, Horror/Thriller. 

~ ~ ~

It was nearing midnight as Jungkook had arrived back to his flat after a long drive across town just to deliver some notes and cards to Jin, who was currently running a fever with a mysterious illness. The doctors weren't even a hundred percent sure what was wrong with Jin, maybe it was a strain of pneumonia?   

Yeah that has to be it, thought Jungkook as he slid off his shoes and went straight to his computer, he logged on and started to type up his essay on emotions and how they play into day to day life, but the emotion his professor gave him was quite difficult. It was sadness.

Sure the assignment was simple and all but never really experiencing true sadness he didn't know how to start it off. Besides a cheesy quote about feeling broken and alone. 

He felt like he was about to go insane, he never felt true sadness and he was sure his professor would want it to be about something really depressing over just, ‘I lost my pet cat named Pete,’ but something more.

WIth a loud beep his phone went off alerting him of a text from Jin:

 "Kookie thank you for the study materials!" 

Jungkook smiled and was about to send him a response when Jin replied again:

 "Have you played What's Left of Me? Or heard of it?"

“Honestly no... What is it?” 

Before Jin responded Jungkook reread the name of the game and typed it in on his search bar for What’s Left of Me, all that popped up was a book. Frowning he knew this is not what his hyung meant so he went back to the search bar and tweaked his search adding Game. What popped up was Google claiming an error that Google was not responding. 

“Odd...” He muttered before he tried to open a new tab only for the new same message to reappear. “You have to be kidding me,” he groaned and continually refreshed only to keep getting the same message and that Google had crashed. 

“Why?!” He exclaimed, brows furrowing as he looked over at his phone only to see a video link from Jin. Clicking it he heard a soft female voice, practically whispering all while there was a black screen. 

“Hi... I’m not gonna introduce myself because what’s the point.... Well obviously you’re here for my game What’s Left of Me. The game’s a bit different than your average game, there’s no shooting of others but decisions and story based themes, you the Player decides what happens. Nothing is reversible so play how you feel but do it carefully. I am giving you the extent of five players to choose from and that is all. Thank you for your consideration and I hope you enjoy.” 

The video ended causing a frown to play on the young males features as he texted his hyung. 

“That gave me the chills. Her voice was so sad, yet so familiar. WHY WAS SHE WHISPERING???” 

Sent from Jin at 12:03

“I like how her video was, her voice was soft and peaceful as it captures your attention immediately. I’m ready to play it!” 

Sent from Jungkook at 12:03

“Ok... Did you download it?”

Sent from Jin

“Yea are you going to Kookie?”

Sent from Jungkook

“It won’t even let me view the game.”

Sent From Jin

“Restart your computer.” 

Why, thought the younger male but did as told, he waited for the system to reload and as it did their was a new file on his computer. WHAT’S LEFT OF ME in all caps. “How did this get here?” Scared Jungkook looked around his dark room but nothing was out of place, he even scanned his computer for a virus. Nada.

“Did it work?” Texted Jin, Jungkook could barely breathe yet alone focus on the situation at hand. How did this happen?

“Yeah the game was already on my computer somehow...” 

“Huh strange, maybe you clicked download.” Responded Jin and as he read the message he shook his head, Jin didn't seem to get it. The game just appeared. He hadn’t even had the option to download it as it never popped up when he searched it. 

“No because I couldn't even find the game when I originally searched it.” 

Sent from Jin

“Computer was probs lagging but at least you have the game now. I think I want to play Namjoon. He seems interesting. What about you?”

Sent from Jungkook

“Erm hang on let me load the game, I haven’t open it yet.”

“K.” Was all Jin said as the younger male moved his cursor over the game and clicked open. As the game was loading an eerie song was playing in the background, Hell it wasn’t even a song, more so screeching and loud crashes.  Every now and then the screen would glitch out and he’d get a brief glance at a girls face. He was only at 10% as the game completely froze except for the song which was on an endless loop and began repeating the word why over and over as the depressed girls face froze on screen before him, a single tear running down her smooth skin.

“You left us...” She whispered before the game automatically shut down and sent Jungkook staring at his home screen, eyes wide and breathing rapid. “What the literal fuck,” he cursed as the game restarted and took him back to the loading screen yet it was all different. Instead of a sad song on loop and the sad girl, the game played a soft happy tune as the background was all black and the title appeared in a bloody font. What’s Left of Me the words practically dripping down the screen as a candle flickered beneath the text casting long shadows revealing a room. 

He had to admit this game had some freaky cool artwork. He clicked the title, not really sure what else to do as there was no options for the game. His options appeared before him carved into the desk that the candle was sitting on. The game title was on the gray wall behind the candle. 

Jungkook read his options slowly and wondered if Jin saw the same things as him. 

Continue Game

New Game

Leave?

Curious as to what Continue Game would do for him, since he’s never played it before and was sure no one has played it on his computer he clicked the option. The game file loaded and he was quickly inserted into a dark bathroom, a young man with copper hair, almost golden, was crying in the middle of the room. The only sounds besides the poor males soft spoken sobs was the sound of the bath running and pouring out onto the tiled floor all around the sobbing man. The game glitched and instead of water surrounding the copper haired male it was now a dark red substance which Jungkook could only assume was blood. He was no longer crying but screaming at the top of his lungs, “WHY WHY WHY!” His dark gaze looking dead at the screen, his eyes finding Jungkook’s, it was if he was was aware of Jungkook watching him. It was like the male wasn’t in the game.

Jungkook’s throat constricted with fear. The game crashed and he was back to the main menu. He most certainly wasn't going to try to continue that again unless it was his own saved progress, but even then he still didn't want to do this. 

Why is he even considering this game? For Jin, he softly reminded himself. But why did Jin even want to play this game, it was so freaky and weird. Did Jin not get the same intro as him? Maybe Jin was smarter than him and decided not to try and continue the game, speaking of the Continue Game option that was no longer present instead it said, Can’t Continue Something You Never Started or Cared For. 

Chills ran down his spine as he took a picture and went to send it to Jin who had been blowing up his cell. Jungkook didn't even read his messages from his hyung as he instantly went to send Jin the freaky message from the game. Only the test wouldn't go through, he was shot with an error. “What the Hell?” He grumbled and tried once more only for it to not send. 

“Why’s this happening? I paid my bill!” Biting his lower lip in confusion he looked at Jin’s messages and hoped his hyung would understand his technical difficulties. 

 From Jin sent at 12:10

Jungkook you there?

Hey did you start the game?

Kookie, kookie, kookie?????

Ok spam time 

Hello

What does a janitor yell at a party?

SUPPLIES! hahaha get it? Supplies 

I’m worried you alive? 

Wait are you asleep? 

If so sorry. Send a bunny emoji if you’ve been kidnapped.

I’m gonna start the game, Namjoon is pretty cool and looks good. What about you? Who will you play as, you have five options, all of them epic.

From Jin sent at 12:12 

I get it, you hate the game and you haven’t even started.

Jungkook shook his head and chuckled, Jin is so childish and impatient, he thought to himself and sent a quick apology text. Sent, he managed to send a text! His eyes widened as he tried to send the picture only the picture wouldn’t go through. 

Why was that?

Why was it that he could send an apology to Jin but not a picture? Did he not have enough storage? Was their text history too long? 

It just didn't add up. Whatever, he thought, It doesn’t even matter. It’s just a game. 

Clicking on the New Game option he was sent to a  character page. Five characters like Jin said, but there was an outline of a missing character, two actually. He hovered his cursor over both of them but all he got for their stats was:

Name: ???

Age: ???

Height: ???

Gender: ???

Description: ???

He looked at the outline and noticed the lock in the middle of their chests, he had to unlock them. How come he didn't see that when he was first looking at them? 

Whatever, just find a character and start the game so Jin won’t be upset. With a sigh he moved his over a young male with a blonde mullet, a boxy smile on his perfectly proportioned face. 

Name: Kim Taehyung. 

Age: 23

Height: 5′10 

Gender: Male

Description: Taehyung is a happy go lucky, one of a kind guy, unlike any others that you will ever encounter in life. 

Already interested and a tad bit jealous of how happy and lucky Taehyung gets to be while he, himself, is worried for Jin’s health and stressing over stupid projects that are all nearing there due date. Shoving some his hair out of his face he moved on to the next character, the one from the Continue Game option. Curious as to see what was wrong with him and who he was he began to read the stats.

Name: Worthless

Age: Does it matter? I’m just gonna fade away...

Height: Too short just like life....

Gender: Dead

Description: You let me die, it’s your fault. Why didn't you care about me? How could you let me go through with it? WHY’D YOU LEAVE ME?

Shaking his head with a low sigh escaping his lips, he wondered who was this character and why was he so depressed? But also curious of his stats, he asked Jin. 

Sent from Jungkook at 12:13

Jin who is the copper haired male after Taehyung?

Sent from Jin at 12:13

Who Jimin? Y? 

“Jimin,” whispered Jungkook softly almost as if he was testing out the name. His name was so nice compared to his description. The characters blank stare held his gaze, honestly Jungkook felt a bit guilty for this made up character. 

Sent from Jungkook at 12:15

I couldn't see his stats 4 sum reason. :/ 

Sent from Jin at 12:15

The pausing of this game is janky... Lemme go back to the lobby. Pray that my game saves

Sent from Jungkook at 12:16

I pray it saves

Sent from Jin at 12:17

Okay Name: Park Jimin Age: 22 Height: 4′8 Gender: Male duh Description he’s a chill dude with a beautiful smile.

*Height 5′8 lol he’s not that short. That’s about it.

Sent from Jungkook at 12:17

Is this some sort of dating sim?

Sent from Jin at 12:17

No most certainly not. I don;t really know what it is, but I know it’s not a dating sim. Each character has a different story, that’s all I know. 

Sent from Jungkook at 12:18

This is some srs bull.

Sent from Jin at 12:18

Please don't use acronyms Kookie. 

Jungkook laughed and shook his head at his hyungs requests when, he too, use abbreviations such as why to y.

Sent from Jungkook at 12:18

Yes boss

Sent from Jin at 12:19

😈 Lol picked your character yet?

Sent from Jungkook at 12:19

No not yet, my game’s acting up. 

Sent from Jin at 12:19

Well hurry up so you can play!!!!!

Sent from Jungkook at 12:20

Ok gimme a minute.

Placing his phone down in his lap he moved on to the next character, a tall male with silverish purple hair with deep brown eyes that seemed to be able to read your soul and a soft dimpled smile. 

Name: Kim Namjoon

Age: 23

Height: 5′11

Gender: Male

Description: A bookworm, a really hard worker with excellent grades, who’s also a natural leader. Pretty cool guy once you meet him. 

Jungkook chuckled at the last part, “once you meet him.” Like he’s gonna meet Kim Namjoon in person, he’s just a character in a video game, closest thing he’d get to meeting Namjoon is playing as him. Which he won’t because this is Jin’s character. 

The next character’s picture was sweaty, his tongue out, black hair in his eyes, as a black hat rested on his head. 

Name: Jung Hoseok

Age: 24 

Height: 5′10

Gender: Male

Description: Hoseok, Hobi, is an all around ray of sunshine, with constant happy vibes. Always there for you when you need it, remember?

He frowned, why is it like the game is talking to him directly, “Fine if I play as Hoseok or Hobi, whatever his name is I’ll remember that he’s a ray of sunshine to help others.” He grumbled but a small smile played on his features as a warm aura seemed to enclose around him. 

Moving away from the friendly happier male he moved onto the one dressed in all black, a mask covering his mouth and nose as his dark brown eyes stared at him judgingly. He was more ominous looking than scary.

Name: Min Yoongi

Age: 25

Height: 5′9 

Gender: Male 

Description: Always quiet but observant, known to stand up for those in need, tired but always working. 

Nodding his head, understanding each character he finally decided that he’s play as Taehyung. He would’ve played as Jimin if he was able to, but the game simply would not help let him. 

Starting up as Taehyung he was given the option:

Play as Kim Taehyung?

Yes?     No?

“Obviously,” he said with a chuckle as he selected, yes, the game loaded with ease, compared to when he first started the game. A small transition of a butterfly landing onto a window sill was played in the background, then he heard the sounds of a camera snapping a photo. 

“Babe,” came a male voice in the background, the loading symbol stopped as the clip began to play. The light filtered into the room showing a few dust particles floating around as the butterfly stayed on the sill slowly moving it’s beautiful blue and black wings. 

“In here,” came the females voice, the door opened and the floor groaned with the males footsteps. “Are you coming, we’re about to leave?”

“Sorry was taking a picture.”

“You’re obsessed with that thing.”

“Photos keep memories.”

“Yeah but can also steal a part of your soul.” Spoke the deep voiced male jokingly as the girl laughed. What a sound to be heard, it was like music, so carefree and soft. Jungkook wished he could listen to her laugh all day, she seemed so happy, unlike any other girl he’s ever met and tried to talk to.

“Well this camera can’t have my soul,” she stated promptly. The camera angles changed revealing a small girl, her hair covering her face, until the man, who Jungkook recognized as his player Kim Taehyung, moved his hand to her face brushing her short dark brown hair away from her eyes. “You look so much better showing your face.” She shook her head, the hair falling back into her brown eyes as her dimpled grin moved to crinkle her eyes. 

“Whatever oppa,” she teased softly punching his arm. “I’m serious,” he muttered pulling her closer to him, her hands rested upon his chest and the camera still in her left hand. The butterfly flew past the camera showing the two lovers. 

The room changed, it was no longer the happy loving environment that Jungkook was originally thrusted into. Instead his character was sitting on his bed, his head in his hands, shoulders shaking with sobs. Every now and then he would repeat a name, it was obviously the girl that he was with name.

“Elli,” he whimpered, even his dog was sniffling and whimpering. His puppy rested his head on Taehyung’s thigh. Both of them were honestly too sad to watch causing Jungkook to push away from his desk and move to his bed. 

“What the fuck is this game? It said Taehyung was a happy go lucky guy, what the fuck happened to that?” Raking his fingers through his hair he took a deep breath and texted Jin:

I can’t play, I have class tomorrow 8 am. 

He lied flatly and went to send only it wouldn’t. “Again with this bullshit?” He questioned aloud pissed, throwing his phone across the room and onto his bed. “Fuck this,” he grumbled as he moved to his couch, falling heavily onto the cushions and looking up at his ceiling in annoyance. 

Through the corner of his eye he noticed the television had turned on. Must’ve sat on the remote, he thought to himself as he sat up and looked under the cushions only to find nothing but a quarter, three pennies, a dime, and a moldy cheeto. Scrunching his nose up in disgust and grabbing the 38 cents that he had found he placed the cushions back in their place. 

He turned on his lamp and continued his search only for the lamps light bulb to explode, shards of glasses flying through the paper lamp shade and nearly cutting him. Startled by the destruction he looked all around the room, his eyes landing on the Tv and to the message displayed through the static. 

juSt go bAck to the VidEo gaME ! 

The message was pretty clear of what it wanted him to do. The younger male didn’t understand why only a few letters were capitalized, and not even in a specific order or why there was two words underlined. Looking back and reading the all capitalized letters he wrote them down:

S - A - V - E    M - E 

A shiver ran down his spine at the startling code, maybe it was unintentional but something in his gut told him, it was there for a reason. He did the same with the two underlined words: 

SAVE THE GAME 

Is what the message came down to. Who was he even supposed to be saving? And why was his television telling him to save the stupid game? It didn't make sense, all of this was just making him frustrated. He shook his head and unplugged the television having enough of this shit. 

“I’m done!” He exclaimed as he moved onto his bedroom, all the lights in the house began to flicker on and off. “Oh great my life now is becoming Paranormal Activity, fun.”

With a groan he went back down the hall and to his computer, the screen glowing at him. “Now how do I even save?” He grumbled trying to find a way to save the game without losing what little progress, technically none, that he’s made so far. 

With a roll of his tired eyes, he pulled up the options and found nothing useful on saving the game. “How the fuck? What is this even? This game,” he groaned out annoyed, ready to just log off his computer and restart Taehyung’s intro scene. Exiting the options he was brought face to face to Taehyung's sad, blood-tear stained cheeks, thanks to the new camera angle. What made it even more creepy was the twisted boxy smile on the male’s face as he stared right into the camera. 

Jumping back startled, and nearly falling out of the chair, Jungkook released a slight yelp as the character began to speak to him, almost directly. 

“Aren’t you gonna save me? Or are you, too, just gonna abandon me like all the others?” 

Two options appeared before him in a dark red, dripping font:

Save ME 

OR

Abandon ME

Hesitant of what the two options meant he hovered his cursor trying to decipher what he should do, when he realized that this was the way of saving, or so he hoped. 

[rowanwhitethornisbae]

Faking It Ch 5

Faking It Masterlist

Aelin groaned upon realizing that the last chocolate chip cookie was gone. She glanced towards the stovetop where another empty tray sat. 

"Lys," she yelled, "what happened to all the cookies?"

Her best friend emerged from the bathroom with a wide grin on her face. "I think you ate them all."

Aelin laughed and slumped into the chair nearest from her, suddenly feeling the tightness in her chest back in full force. "I guess so."

Lysandra's smile faded slightly as she took in Aelin's tone. "What's on your mind?" She asked softly, pulling up a chair.

Aelin took a moment to think back on all that had happened. In all honesty, things had not been good. Rowan had pointedly ignored her after their hallway confrontation, to the point where Aelin hadn't even bothered merging their friend groups for lunch like planned. Instead, both of them just chose to pretend the other didn't exist. She texted Rowan last night to confirm that he was still picking her up for Dorian’s party tonight. All she’d gotten in response was that dumb thumbs up emoji he always used. The only other person she knew who used that emoji was Aedion’s literal fucking grandfather. 

Aelin swallowed slowly and loosed a breath of air. "He still thinks I cheated on him."

Lysandra bit out a harsh and humorous laugh. “Of course he does. You told him that.” 

Aelin flinched, surprised by her friend’s harsh tone. “You’re supposed to be on my side.” 

Lysandra sighed. “I am,” she paused to think about her next words. “I am Aelin. But you told Rowan you cheated on him and then never bothered to tell him the real truth. If you want him to forgive you, than just tell him what really happened.” 

Aelin willed herself not to cry. She’d done enough crying over Rowan Whitethorn to last her a lifetime. “I can’t tell him.” 

Lys just shook her head in exasperation. “You can Aelin. You’re just too scared of what might happen.” 

Lysandra was absolutely right, but Aelin would never admit it. Ever since her parent’s death, she’d spent the following years in a constant state of fear. Over time, she had just gotten better at hiding it. 

“Come on,” Lys said, sensing the shift in Aelin’s body-language. “Let’s go get ready for the party.”

They got dressed quickly, Aelin doing Lysandra’s makeup and vice versa. She took a moment to examine herself in the mirror. She looked hot, even if she didn't really feel it. Her black mini skirt was unnecessarily short, to the point where one wrong move would have her ass falling out, and the red tank she’d pared it with left little to the imagination. Her lips were painted light red and silver eyeshadow had been brushed across her eyelids.

She fiddled with her hair before finally settling on just leaving it down. She couldn't find a hair elastic anyways. Aelin plopped down on her bed to watch Lysandra pick a pair of shoes. Aelin was wearing doc Martens - but when wasn't she - and couldn't really care less about Lysandra’s shoe choice. 

“How about these?” Her friend asked, showing Aelin a pair that looked identical to the previous four. 

“Sure.” Aelin nodded, and picked up her phone to scroll mindlessly through instagram. There was nothing of interest, so Aelin searched up Rowan’s name for the first time since their breakup. 

Her phone slipped through her fingers at the same second Aelin took in his most recently post. She scrambled for the phone, picking it back up to stare at the post.

It was her. 

She was in sweats and his hoodie, her hair up in a messy bun. She was rolling out the dough to make sugar cookies, using all different shaped cutters. Rowan must have taken the photo without her noticing, which is why she wasn't smiling at him. There was no caption, and the comments were off. 

May 5th, 2019.  

The date was the only thing under the picture, but it was enough that Aelin had to crane her neck to check in the mirror that the tears in her eyes hadn't smeared her makeup. 

Two days after that photo was taken, on May 7th, Rowan had fucked everything up. At least, she liked to pretend that he was the one who screwed up. It made not hating herself a little bit easier. 

Her phone buzzed and she looked back down at it. Aelin read the words and sighed, preparing herself for this dreadful evening. 

“He’s here.” Aelin said, climbing off the bed. 

“Fuck I don't have any shoes yet.” Lys squealed. 

Aelin laughed and gestured at the piles of heels and platforms of every colour. Sighing, Lysandra grabbed the one closest to her and threw it on. They walked down the stairs, Lys nearly tripping, and opened the door. 

Rowan’s black car was pulled up in front of her house. He was sitting in the passenger seat, glaring at the front lawn like he could still see their breakup taking place. Aelin walked down the porch steps and cleared her throat as she neared the car. 

Rowan tore his eyes from the grass lawn to look at her. He didn't show any reaction to her appearance, merely nodded. Lysandra snorted softly behind her, and Aelin elbowed her friend subtly. 

Rowan was in the passenger seat, which meant that considering Fenrys didn't have his licence, Lorcan must be driving. Aelin internally groaned at the thought of being in a confined space with the always brooding teenager. 

Unable to avoid it, she backed away slightly so that Lysandra could climb in first to put separation between Aelin and Fenrys. 

Fen, unfortunately, noticed and offered Aelin a pitiful smile across the seats. It was at that moment, that Aelin realized for the first time, that she missed Fenrys Moonbeam. When she’d been with Rowan, her and Fen had been nearly inseparable. He constantly made her laugh, engaging in whatever trouble making scheme she asked of him. 

She’d gone to see him actually. Right after Rowan and her had fought on the lawn, she’d gotten in Aedion’s car. Her body was shaking with the weight of her sobs, to the point where she was barely able to see. For a reason she couldn't even figure out now, she’d driven to Fenrys’ house. 

Aelin had gotten out of her cousin’s truck and made it all of three steps before she’d vomited all over Fenrys’ porch. He’d come out of the house then, but the normal playful look on his face was wiped clean. In it’s place, was nothing but hatred and disdain. 

He’d picked her up and driven her home. When he thought she was passed out, he’d kissed her on the forehead and mumbled he was sorry. 

As Aelin noted the slight tic in Fenrys’ jaw, she finally understood what he'd meant by those two words. 

Fenrys’ wasn't sorry about something that he’d done. He was sorry because he knew what she’d done. And why. 

Aelin supposed she should've known that Fenrys would've figured it out first. He wasn't clouded by blind love or hatred like Lorcan and Rowan. His view of her allowed him to think clearly. Work through the logic of it. 

She’d pull him aside later at the party. For now though, she just smiled back and slammed her head against the back of the seat. Fenrys turned away from her to stare out the window, and Aelin felt like she could finally breathe again.

“So,” Lysandra began hesitantly,  “Are we going to talk about this?” 

Aelin’s head whirled in Lysandra’s direction, her eyebrows shooting halfway up her forehead. 

“No.” Rowan answered bluntly, saving Aelin from speaking. 

“Why not?” Fenrys whined before Lorcan turned his head to shoot him a glare. 

Aelin watched Rowan’s knuckles go white from his grip on the door handle “There’s nothing to talk about.” 

Lorcan made a sound that was some sort of cross between a laugh and a grunt. “Sure there is. You two,” he waved his finger between Aelin and Rowan, “are back together.” 

“We’re - “ Rowan began, but Aelin cut him off. 

“We’re not actually together. It's just an agreement that works for both of us.” 

Fenrys let out a long suffering sigh. “Yes Galathynius, we are all aware.” 

Aelin flinched at the venom in his tone when he used her last name. She adjusted herself in the seat and cracked the joints in her fingers. Tonight was not a good night for her anxiety. 

“How do you plan on getting Rowan on the football team?” Lorcan asked, always the skeptic. 

“Cairn.” Aelin told him, her toes curling and uncurling inside her shoes. Moving parts of her body helped to relieve the pent up tension swirling in her gut. 

“Cairn doesn't do favours for anyone.” Fenrys replied, sounding slightly dejected. “If that's your plan, it won't work.” 

“I’m not just going to ask him for a favour.” Aelin snapped back, upset at their lack of faith in her. “I’m going to offer him a deal.” 

“You and your deals Galathynius.” Lorcan mused under his breath. 

Aelin made the smart decision not to reply, and the rest of the drive was completed in silence. 

------------------------

She looked good tonight. Rowan wasn't stupid enough to deny that glaringly obvious fact. They’d walked into the party side by side, earning a few shocked glances from fellow classmates. Aelin had offered him a smile, one which he didn't return, and went off to get them both drinks. 

She’d been gone for all of three minutes, and Rowan was already incredibly uncomfortable. This was Dorian Havillard’s party after all. Rowan and Chaol were high-school’s definition of mortal enemies. So, by association, he and Dorian were enemies as well. 

The dark haired and blue eyed heartthrob hadn't ever been explicitly rude to Rowan, but he still got the feeling he wasn't totally welcome. Fenrys had gone after Aelin, mumbling some lie about not trusting her with his drink order. On another day, Rowan might've gone after them to eavesdrop. But not tonight. 

Instead, he just slumped against a wall and glared at every human in the room. Music was blaring across the speakers, so loudly that he could feel the vibrations in his lower stomach. People all around were swaying awkwardly or chatting against the wall with plastic red cups in hand. 

Rowan looked around for familiar faces, more specifically Vaughn or Gavriel, but found neither. For a brief second, he wished he was better at making friends. 

“You look miserable.” 

Rowan almost sighed in relief at the sound of Lorcan’s low and rough voice. His friend held out a cup of some sort of alcohol, but Rowan shook his head. 

“Aelin’s bringing me a drink.” 

Lorcan let out a breath through his nose. “I wouldn't count on it. I saw her and Fenrys heading up to the bedrooms.”

Rowan’s heart stopped dead in his chest for a moment as he processed Lorcan’s words. The loud music became nothing more than a subtle roar in his head. 

“Fenrys and Aelin?” He managed to stammer. 

Lorcan, realizing his mistake, swore under his breath. “Not like that, holy shit. Just to talk.” Lorcan paused. “Fenrys would never do that.” 

Slowly, Rowan’s body began to function normally again and he managed to take a deep breath. His hands were shaking, so he took the solo cup from Lorcan in an attempt to calm them. 

“Talk about what?” Rowan finally asked. 

Lorcan shrugged. “I don't fucking know.”  

“Whatever man. This party is shit.” Rowan took a long sip of the liquid in his cup and nearly spit it out immediately. It was some mixture of coke and beer that tasted like pure vomit. 

Lorcan laughed at the expression of disgust on Rowan’s face. “Yeah it’s pretty bad. The brunette making it was hot so I couldn't really say much.” 

Rowan involuntarily laughed at his friend’s antics. “You always were a sucker for brunettes.” 

Lorcan’s jaw fell open in shock. “I don't have a preference.” 

“Sure man. Whatever you want to tell people.” Rowan finally spotted Dorian across the room and his heart rate began to accelerate once again. “Kaltain, Nesryn, Maeve, Nehemia, Sar -”

“Okay okay,” Lorcan conceded, cutting Rowan off. “Don't pretend you don't prefer blondes.” 

“I do prefer blondes.” Rowan’s eyes trailed from Dorian to the figure beside him. Chaol. “I would never hide that fact.” 

Lorcan held up his cup in a mock cheers. “At least we’ll never fight over women.” 

Rowan clinked their plastic cups together, happy for any excuse to celebrate something. Even if that something was that Lorcan Salvaterre had a thing for brown hair. 

At long last, Chaol spotted him from across the room. His brows furrowed and he whispered something in Dorian’s ear, who then turned to look at Rowan. As the two friends continued to discuss Rowan right in front of him, Aelin Galathynius chose that moment to reappear. 

---------

They were in Dorian Havillard’s bedroom. A place that Aelin was uncomfortably familiar with. She’d lost count of the hours she’d spent on Dorian’s bed, on the phone with Lysandra, as Chaol and Dorian played video games. 

Now, her legs were cross as she sat against his headboard, Fenrys Moonbeam on her left. 

“What do you want to talk about Aelin?” Fenrys asked, clearly anxious to return to his party. 

Aelin figured there was no point to dancing around the truth. “You know.” 

He stiffened, but let out a relaxed sigh all the same. “What do I know.” 

“You know the real reason behind what happened last year. I never told you, but you somehow know.” 

Fenrys, it appeared, also didn't see the purpose in faking dumb. “It wasn't that difficult to figure it out Ace.” 

Her heart squeezed at the casual use of the nickname he’d given her. “Rowan and Lorcan couldn't do it.” 

“Lorcan hates you and Rowan’s heart was shattered. Emotions can hold you back if you’re not careful.” 

She elbowed him playful, and internally rejoiced when he smiled. “When’d you become so all knowing?” 

“Probably around the same time you had a huge growth spurt. You’re a fucking giraffe now Aelin.” Fenrys’ tone was light and joking and a familiar hint of laughter was present. 

“Five Seven,” she announced proudly, “and still growing.” 

“Maybe Rowan was slipping some anti-growth potion in your drinks.” Fenrys joked. 

Aelin chose to laugh, rather than dwell too much on Rowan. “That’s why water at his house always tasted off.” 

Fenrys eyes widened and he turned to look at her. “It does doesn't it.” He exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. 

Aelin laughed, a real laugh, and smiled broadly at Fenrys. For a moment, there was a tension filled pause, and then Fenrys spoke again. 

“I get why you did it Aelin, truly I do. But don't you think he deserves to know the truth.” Fenrys’ eyes were full of pity, and Aelin had to turn away. 

“It won't make a difference?” Aelin shot back. 

Fenrys gave her an incredulous look. “Aelin you were scared. Your parents died and it fucked with your head. Rowan told you that he loved you, and you got scared.” 

Aelin’s heart was racing, but she finished the story anyway. “I panicked. Thought that if I let myself love him, he’d hurt me just like my parents did. So instead, I hurt him first.” 

Fenrys picks it back up again. “You told him you cheated on him, because you knew that was the only way he’d stay away.” 

“Then I went back to Chaol because it was safe. Because I didn't love him enough for him to hurt me.” 

Aelin felt like she was floating above her own body. She could do nothing but watch as the biggest secret in her life was exposed to Rowan’s best friend. 

“Why didn't you tell him?” She managed to say through her own terror. 

Her lips felt raw, and she realized with a start that she had been chewing on them with reckless abandon. A shiver ran down her spine and grit her teeth in an attempt to hide her discomfort. 

“It wasn't my secret to tell.” A lock of Fenrys’ golden hair had come undone from his ponytail, and Aelin had to fight the urge to tuck it back. Aelin sometimes found herself jealous of just how pretty Fen was, if that made any sense. 

Rowan and Lorcan were the type of heavily built males with hardened features and miles of muscles. Fenrys was prettier, with attributes so perfect that it hurt to look at him. Now though, it hurt to look at him for an entirely different reason. She felt exposed, like the barrier she’d crafted for herself was crumbling down. All her insecurities were on display for Fenrys to see, and Aelin fought the urge to flee the room. 

Luckily, Fenrys made the decision for her. “Ill give you a moment. Meet me downstairs?” 

The last part was a question, but Aelin couldn't bring herself to show any response besides a subtle nod. 

He seemed to deem that answer enough, and left the room to rejoin the party. Aelin suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion take over her body. She lay back on the pillows, not bothering to climb under the duvet. With her baggage weighing her down, Aelin fell promptly asleep. 

-----

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[jinmindeulle]

the art of love | cs

pairing: choi san x reader ft. mentions of park seonghwa 

word count: 5.1k

genre: artist!reader, florist!san, exes to lovers au | angst, fluff

warnings: minor swearing

find ateez’s masterlist here!

enjoy ♥

How many deep breaths did I have to take to put myself together every time I started driving back to my hometown?

I think I stopped counting five years ago. It didn’t matter how many times I had done that, it had always driven me crazy.

But this time, it was worse.

“Please, text me when you’re on your way. Let’s meet at Jjinsong’s Café before going home. Be safe, love you!”

Yet, I couldn’t be mad. I missed my family too much to be upset over that. It’s been seven years, y/n, get over it!

I replied to my sister with a short message full of heart emojis and I put my phone inside my pocket. I started the car and glanced at my (ex?) apartment floor. Hope to see you empty when I get back.

Last time I visited my family’s home in Namhae, it was all tears and sad eyes. Making my way back to Seoul was one of the hardest things for me. However, every time I went back to the capital city, the driver’s seat was always taken by the same man, who at least tried to make my trip bearable by holding one of my hands when he could. But that day, I was the one driving, all alone.

I couldn’t break the news to my mother over the phone. She had gotten attached to him over the years. But she didn’t knew the whole truth, and honestly, going back to Namhae was way cheaper than calling my mom to tell her that I had rejected my boyfriend’s marriage proposal without second thoughts, and that my life was just a mess in general.

And I also needed to see her, my dad, my sister and my nephews. They were going to help healing my open scars. At least try to.

I picked a random playlist and kept it on repeat the whole trip. Fortunately, being a Thursday, the traffic was not that bad, especially at such an early hour. I really didn’t want to stay under that roof any longer. I felt miserable there. Why did I have to put it off that much?

“Why did you have to put it off that much?”

“I wonder exactly the same”

My sister looked at me with a raised eyebrow while she quietly sipped her coffee.

It had always amazed me how calm and collected Eunjung acted and reflected in situations like mine. She would never get upset unless it was the end of the world, and that hardly ever happened.

“I knew something was wrong since the last time you came home with him”

“But it was not that bad back then”

“You sure?”

“Well…”

He had been promoted a week before and his father had announced that he was soon going to retire, leaving him his position as CEO of one of the greatest companies in South Korea. It had easily gone to his head, and I wasn’t able to stand staying in the same room every time he brought that up.

“Maybe you’re right” I sighed, quietly stirring my own coffee. “I honestly don’t know, Jung. I didn’t like to think about it because it meant doing something about it. And I think I was way too comfortable living like that to try and change it.”

“And he made you do it”

“Pretty much, yes. I couldn’t get married to him. I don’t think I loved him enough to sacrifice what I wanted in life just for him”

“I’m glad you did that, y/n. It means you’re still chasing your dreams”

“I mean, yeah. I have always been. Not actively, but I kept dreaming about having my very own gallery, and everyone in Seoul wanting to have my art pieces on their living room’s walls.”

“Why not everyone in the country? Or in the world?”

“My dreams are more of the realistic type, Jung” I chuckled, munching my last chocolate cookie.

“How are you going to tell mom?”

“With your help?” I smiled innocently, trying to display the best puppy face I could master.

“And how do you want me to do that? ‘Hi mom, y/n here broke up with Seonghwa right after he proposed to her because it was not the life she wanted! Please don’t be that happy, it will break her poor heart!’”

“Eunjung! Please!” I begged “She won’t leave me alone and…”

“She will” my oldest and only sister interrupted me, smiling like the Cheshire Cat. “There’s been a rumour going around…”

“Wait, what’s going on?”

Eunjung sipped from her blue coffee mug and looked at me with the same innocent eyes I had displayed some seconds ago. Then, she quietly put the mug down and got closer to me over the wooden table, encouraging me to do the same. Once we were close enough to avoid being heard by the rest of the customers, she whispered in my ear.

“Rumour has it that Choi San is getting divorced”

I resoundingly sat back down, looking at my sister with a mix of weird emotions in my eyes. I hadn’t heard his name in ages. Not because I happened to not hear it, but just because I had deliberately asked my family not to bring his name up when I was around.

“Eunjung…”

“His wife cheated on him”

“Please, stop” I murmured, tightly closing my eyes, trying to get rid of the million memories that my brain decided to bring back after so many years of suppressing them. “You know how I feel about him”

“You’re telling me that after more than seven years you’re still upset about him and what you went through? You were like twenty years old, c’mon! You’re a woman now, y/n!”

“I was twenty two, and yes, I’m over it. But I don’t want to know, hear or talk about him. He’s dead to me. He’s been dead to me since the day I moved to Seoul, and will be until the end of my days”

“I didn’t know it was that deep”

“You were too busy taking care of your babies, Jung. And I’m not complaining here, I just know that you never got the full story, but it’s OK. It’s in the past now”

“You sure?”

“Stop making me question my life!” I cried, throwing a used paper napkin right at her face.

“What do you want me to say?”

My mom had always been understanding. She would calmly nod and hug me, telling me that everything was going to be okay, and letting me soak her blouse with my teenage tears. However, there were situations in which you could never guess what her reaction would be. And that was one of those times.

“Honey, I think we all knew that you were going to end things with that guy” my dad intercepted “but we weren’t aware of the fact that it was that bad”

“In all honestly, I wasn’t either” I murmured “it was just my routine. I had been waking up next to him for nearly five years. I had a job that let me live comfortably and not worry about anything else than buying expensive clothes every now and then because I was supposed to be accompanying Seonghwa in every fucking company’s party” I allowed me to cry for the first time, letting the pain and desperation out “I was living like a damn princess. But I never wanted that. I had never wanted that!” I sobbed. A pair of gentle arms held me tight, and I instantly knew that it was my mom. I hugged her back, holding onto her like she was the only oxygen mask available in a crashing plane.

“I know dear, I know. And I’m proud of you. You did what you wanted to do, because you should always do that. And it’s OK. It will never be a bad thing to follow your heart, y/n”

I nodded, drying the flowing tears with the back of my sleeve. “Thank you mom, dad. I love you”

“We love you too, darling” my dad affectionately kissed my cheek, chuckling when I showed him a weak smile. “Why don’t you take a shower while I finish preparing lunch? I bet your nephews want to see you as much as you do”

“Yeah, will do” I nodded, grabbing my large pastel purple suitcase. “I need to recharge before seeing those little demons”

The whole Thursday and the day before had been an emotional rollercoaster, so I expected to get the sleep I deserved. But sometimes things don’t go as planned. Just like my life, really.

The first night that I slept in my old room was just a blessing. No alarm clocks were rushing me out of bed, no angry faces were shaking me out of sleep, and no boring tasks were waiting for me in my office’s desk.  

“Aunt, wake up!”

I opened one of my eyes when the curtain was drawn and sunlight hit my face. I was about to bury my head in one of my pillows when the oldest of my nephews, Jiwon, took it away from me and slapped me with it.

“Mommy’s taking us to the park so we can have a picnic as breakfast!”

“And told us to wake you up so you can go with us!”

“Please, auntie! Wake up!”

I wanted to scream. I swear to God I loved those kids, but sometimes they made me think twice about having my own in the future. Yeah, well, it won’t happen anyways. You’re single now, and you’ll probably be forever.

“C’mon auntie! Or mommy will be upset!” Jihwan cried.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” I sat up, rubbing my eyes. “Go tell your mom that I’ll be downstairs in like 10 minutes”

“Okey dokey!”

Getting ready in the mornings was not my favourite thing to do. I liked to pick whatever was clean in my closet and wear it like it was a Prada dress. Nonetheless, it was never like that for me. I had to be well dressed. I had to wear the actual Prada dress. I just couldn’t choose.

But that day, I could.

After taking a shower, I took my old, worn out pair of jeans out of my suitcase and put them on.

“It’s been so long since I wore these jeans” I whispered, caressing the fabric.

Next, I chose a simple, colourful shirt that I myself had intervened years ago, and tucked it in. The most comfortable pair of sneakers finished my look.

“You look like you’re twenty again”

“Oh Lord Jesus, knock next time!” I shouted, startled by my sister’s voice.

“You’re back to being you. I like that” she smiled at me from the door frame. “But hurry up! These kids are driving me crazy down there”

Taking a look around that familiar yet so long forgotten park, made me feel emotional once again. That was the reason why I always tried to avoid it every time I decided to return to Namhae. My hometown brought back too many memories, memories that I had decided to erase seven years ago.

But I was tired of it. And at that moment, my future was uncertain — what I had always feared the most. Bringing back painful memories was nothing for me at that point.

“Fluffy is crazy!”

“Give it to me, Hwanie” I took the red dog leash from my youngest nephew’s hand, trying to prevent the huge dog from running around the park chasing the ducks, and probably throwing to the ground the old ladies that were feeding them. “When did this dog get this big?”

“We are feeding him puppy food that makes him stronger, auntie!”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t d… Fluffly!” the dog was able to release himself from the leash while I was giving wise advice, and started running towards the ducks, leaving us four way too far away to stop him before a massacre happened.

“Oh no!”

I reacted as fast as I could, although I knew I was way too late. My legs were not that fast, and even if they were, how was I supposed to have enough strength to pull him away from innocent ducks and old ladies?

Just when he was about to throw himself over the lake, a man in a black hoodie that covered most of his form took him from his collar and kept him under control. I kept running towards them, busy thinking about what that crazy dog would do to the stranger if he made a false step.

But I was stunned — and out of breath — when I found out that the beast was happily wagging his tail to the man, while he petted him. “Are you still misbehaving, Fluffy? Didn’t I teach you to stay calm near the ducks?”

“Uhm… hi?” I breathed out, trying to call attention to the man who still had his back to me. “The dog…”

“Are you still struggling to ta…”

My eyes watered in a matter of seconds. The man that I was successfully avoiding for years was standing right in front of me, looking the way I remembered him, like seven years had done nothing to him.

But he looked tired. Like he was going through hell and was needing a break from it all. His eyes had all the time shown his feelings, and back then, I was the only one able to read him like an open book. I knew in an instant that he was feeling like crap, but there was something else.

And maybe he was not the man that I used to know. Well, not maybe. He wasn’t the Choi San I had been in love with. The Choi San that I had cherished like no one else, who I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with and grow old together.

And I was not the same either.

“I…”

“It’s been so long” he sighed, looking me in the eye. I felt intimidated. I had forgotten how powerful his glances were, no matter the situation. He had always managed to do that to me, and I wasn’t ready to go through it once again. I had been invested in studying his glances way too many times in the past, and I was never able to reach a reasonable conclusion. So I just settled for leaving that matter alone.

“Yeah…” I exhaled, playing with the read leash in my hands.

“I didn’t know you were visiting your family”

“You know when I come here?”

“Of course I do. Everybody knows. It’s a small town, y/n”

I closed my eyes tightly upon hearing my name leave his lips. I felt like crying all over again, and I wasn’t willing to let him see me like that anymore. He had had enough of it. We both had.

“Should have guessed it” I nodded, looking down and avoiding his gaze. “Can you give me Fluffy back?”  

“Oh yeah, sorry” he petted the dog for the last time while I secured the leash back on his collar “He’s been misbehaving a lot lately”

“You know him?”

“I helped Eunjung a couple of times with him. She told me it’s been hard to keep him quiet when they take him out to the park so I offered to help. I need to take a break from life sometimes, and he’s great company”

“He seems to like you a lot” I smiled weakly, looking down at the happy dog who was still wagging his tail while looking at San with what seemed like adoration.

“I think so, yeah” he giggled softly, petting him once again. “He’s nice, but he needs some rules before it goes out of hand”

“I’ll make sure to tame him, then”

“You’re staying?” I mustered all of my courage, and looked up to meet his eyes. His voice tone had changed tremendously, but I wasn’t sure what that meant. This was a new Choi San for me after all.

“For some weeks, yeah. I still don’t know how many, to be honest”

“You’re on a little vacation with your boyfriend?”

“I…” I was about to reply, but then it just hit me. I was talking to Choi San, the man that had marked my whole existence with burning, hurtful words. He had given me everything and taken it away from me as fast as he could. So no, I was not giving him explanations. “Yeah. Well, goodbye, San.”

And I left as fast as I got there.

After my encounter with San, I kept thinking about him and everything that happened in those years together. Not only the tragic ending, but also the beautiful things. And that made me realize that I could at least get part of it back.

Although Eunjung saw everything, she didn’t bring it up. She knew that I was struggling — and I’m pretty sure she heard me that night.

So while a soft breeze accompanied me as I was watching the night skies in the petit balcony of my room, I decided to make my way towards the basement to find the boxes full of the stuff I had left there and never used ever again. Many oleos were dry and unusable, but some others seemed to be just fine. I took one of the empty canvases and my easel as well as my collection of paintbrushes, and went back to my balcony.

“How had I missed you” I whispered, looking at my empty canvas. Tears gathered in my eyes, and a sad smile appeared on my lips as they rolled down my cheeks. “I really missed this”

But although I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything more than a soft stroke which was supposed to be the very same night sky above me.

My hand didn’t respond. It was painful.

So I let it all out. My desperate cries were most probably heard around the neighbourhood, but that was my last concern. The only thing that was supposed to make me happy turned out to be a total failure.

I had no purpose. I had ruined my career as a painter years ago. Why would I paint a night sky that would be seen by no one but me? That would be recognized by no one but me?

San was right.

He had been right all along.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you ran into San yesterday?”

Mornings at home were usually not that noisy, but that day it had to be. My mom had organized a tea party with her girlfriends, and I was supposed to help her out as the only one who was free around the house. My dad was out of town for the weekend because of work, and my sister decided to go out with her sons, probably trying to get away from our mom’s demands.

“Eunjung told you?” I sighed, mixing the cupcake mix faster than I was supposed to so that I could get out of there.

“Yep” she nodded.

“I don’t want to talk about him. You know he’s dead to me”

But even though I said it bluntly, I was feeling like that sentence had no meaning to me anymore.

“You’re being too rude, y/n”

“I’m being honest, mom.” I stopped my eager mixing and looked at her, supporting my weight against the kitchen counter, and crossed my arms over my chest. “I know you and everyone in this town love San. But I don’t, and I don’t want to talk about him anymore. Please”

“Fine” she sighed “Then lend me a hand with the stra— oh Dear God!”

“What’s wrong?”

“I was supposed to bake a strawberry cake but I totally forgot about buying the strawberries”

I rolled my eyes. Totally my mom’s behaviour. “I’ll go to the supermarket. Anything else?”

I shouldn’t have asked that.

Making my way down the aisles, I struggled to find everything that my mom asked me to buy.

“Where the hell are these fucking powders?” I murmured, slowly walking with my cart and carefully reading each package. “Well, not here”

I looked in front of me to check the signs over the aisles, but my eyes encountered something very different.

A painted night sky.

I knew that painting. I knew that night sky.

Those soft strokes and the shiny details on the moon were familiar. Too familiar.

Of course. They were mine.

And once I understood that I was not looking at an actual painting but the back of an intervened denim jacket, it all came crushing down once again.

But I didn’t have enough time to run away.

He turned around and saw me. I froze like I hadn’t just seen him the day before. My eyes became glossy once again. Keep it together, y/n!

“I thought that yesterday was a coincidence. But I don’t believe that anymore”

San was right in front of me now, a couple of meters away from me. He was carrying some instant noodles in his hands and a bottle of water.

“Let’s not do this, please” I shook my head, tightly gripping the cart’s handle.

“We need to talk, y/n”

“There’s nothing to talk about, San” I gasped, avoiding his eyes.

“If your eyes keep watering whenever you see me and my heart keeps pounding whenever I see you, then yes, there’s a lot of talking to do” he calmly stated, taking a step closer to me “I know you have been avoiding me, and I cannot blame you alone. I also had whenever I knew you were around. But this needs to stop” he sighed “I am aware of the fact that you’re in a relationship and I don’t int—“

“I’m not” I interrupted him, looking at him in the eye “I left him. That’s why I’m here”

“I’m… I’m so sorry to hear that” he said, and I could clearly see the sincerity in his eyes.

“It’s okay…” I whispered.

“Can we please meet so we can finally say whatever we have to say to each other before you leave?”

“San, I… I find it really hard to talk to you” I came clean, playing with the ends of my shirt “You hurt me a lot, and… and I really don’t want to keep digging in the same old scars. But maybe…” I took a deep breath “Maybe it will help to finally close them”

He nodded “I know, y/n. I need this. We need this”

“What about your wife?”

I just had to ask. He knew about me and Seonghwa, so it was only fair.

“It’s a long story, but in a nutshell, I’m divorcing her”

“I’m so—“

“Don’t bother” he shook his head, chuckling with a noticeable pain in his voice “I’m not sorry, so no one should be for me. Especially you.”

I don’t know why I was so nervous. It was just San. Choi San, that beautiful, talented and perfect man.

And that was the problem.

Choi San had always been a mystery. A simple mystery. Back then, he liked to show me that he needed to wear nothing more than a dazzling smile to make my day better. He used to take me out at night to stargaze because he thought that I could find inspiration up there.

“You need to paint these, baby” he had said “I know you’ll do an outstanding job”

And of course I painted them. Every single one of them.

“Could you pretty please paint this same sky on the back of my denim jacket?” he had asked.

“Why do you want me to do that, Sanshine?” I had chuckled, looking up from his chest so that I could see his stunning features illuminated by the stars.  

“Because today I feel like I could do anything I want with my life. I have you, so that’s enough” he had replied, sweetly kissing me afterwards.

I hadn’t been enough, though.

My thoughts were abruptly interrupted when I felt his sweet perfume coming near me. I turned my head to my right, and I was able to distinguish his slender form from afar. He was still wearing that denim jacket and carried a large envelope in his hands.

“Hey there” he softly smiled.

“Hi San” I replied, trying to get rid of any sign of desperation in my voice.

“Do you want us to stay here or you prefer to go where used to… hang out?”

“I’m perfectly fine here” I sat back down on the bench, and he cautiously did the same, both of us in each end of it. The evening was warm and a nice breeze hit our faces. Although there were no stars yet, they were on their way.

And I honestly wasn’t ready to stargaze with San.

“Shall I start by saying that I am truly sorry?” after some minutes of silence, San broke the ice. “I never meant to hurt you like that. But I know that saying sorry now it’s meaningless. I just want you to let it all out, say the things that you wanted to yell at that 23 year old me but you never got to” the sorrow in his voice was evident, and I believed him. I felt how sorry he was for what he told me that night.

But it still haunted me. So I had to tell him.

“You ruined my dreams, San.” I whispered, already feeling hot tears go down my face. “You were my only fan back then. You encouraged me to keep going, practising, learning, and experimenting. But that night… you just threw that away. Why would you tell me that I was never going to be successful? Why would you yell right at my face that I was talentless?” I sobbed “That my paintings were nothing special and that I would never become a renowned artist if I kept painting night skies, when you were the one who encouraged me to do that in the first place?” And just as he wanted me, I let it all out. “You buried my dreams. You crushed them and you even made sure to throw them to the trash before leaving. I hated you for so long! I despised you! You were my best friend who suddenly became my worst enemy. But why? I just want to know that. I don’t care if you still think that my paintings were garbage. That’s my last concern” I sighed, violently drying the still falling tears “I just want to know why”

I looked at him, and it made me feel a little bit better to know that I was not the only one crying about it. Although he kept silent, his cheeks were soaked, and his eyes reddened and puffy. “You were talking about leaving Namhae” he whispered, looking down at the grass that surrounded us “and I couldn’t go with you, so I just needed you to stay. But after you moved to Seoul, I realized that I was being selfish and that I thought of my happiness over yours. I was going to be happy if you stayed with me, working at the flower shop and painting night skies as a hobby. But you would never have been if you did that” he cried, letting out a sorrowed and choppy breath. “And for the record, I never meant those words, y/n. I never believed that, and I know for a fact that I’m still your number one fan. You are the most talented person I know. You are amazing, and you more than anyone in this world deserve to be recognized out there. I’m so sorry for making you believe the opposite.”

I stayed silent, processing San’s explanation.

If we just had talked it out back then, maybe, just maybe…

“We were young and stupid” I finally replied. “I was trying to get out of Namhae to become an artist and I tried to take you with me. You were building your flower shop here and you tried to make me stay. It was never going to work out even if we tried” I reasoned, getting closer to him.

“But I shouldn’t have said that anyways” he shook his head “I prevented you from pursuing your dreams”

“I was stupid enough to believe that and stopped trying. I should have kept painting despite your words. I now see it” Slowly, San raised his head and looked at me in the eye. I weakly smiled at him, taking one of his hands for the first time in seven years. “I’m sorry too, San. I blamed you for my misery when I was the one who had to go after my dreams anyways”

“We both fucked up. But it’s on the past now, and we’re still young” he tightened his grip on my hand and shook the mysterious envelope with the other “I don’t know about you, but I just came from my attorney’s office. I’m officially divorced”

“I can’t believe our lives turned out this way” I quietly laughed, playing with San’s fingers. “If you had asked my 20 year old self, I probably would have said we were having our own house full of flowers and paintings by now, and why not add a couple of wedding rings. I was delusional”

“Not really, y/n. I expected that as well” his free hand softly caressed my cheek, travelling down to my jaw. He carefully grabbed my chin, making me look at him. I felt my eyes watering again, and San raised an eyebrow, showing me his confused gaze “Is there something wrong, baby?” he whispered.

I let out my tears, because I wasn’t trying to hide them from him anymore. “I’m just happy” I replied “I used to think that seeing you again was a mistake. That living in my luxurious Seoul apartment with a man that I no longer loved was what I needed to live the decent life that I was supposed to have. And now I know that it was just me trying to supress the urge that I had to come back to you. Because despite the horrible ending, you made me be who I am today. You loved me endlessly, San. And I hope you still do” I admitted, blushing like I was that 20 year old once again “Because I know I never stopped loving you, Sanshine. Even when I hated you the most”

He replied in the most beautiful way. A sweet, awaited, and loving kiss.

Although it wasn’t, it felt like the first time. No rushing, no hurting. Just love.

The love that I was waiting to get from someone that actually never loved me like San did.

The love that San was waiting to get from someone that actually never loved him like I did.

The love that we both deserved to get after so long.  

— jinmindeulle ♥