#I actually wanna do some winter themed art this year though

[sunnys-side-upside-down]

2 and 10. Also how are you today? Doing well?

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

Go through any of my art and you will definitely see a pattern. I usually always draw ponies facing somewhere to the left. NEVER right (That only happens if I draw it left, then flip the canvas). There's no difficulty difference between full left facing and 3/4 left facing, as long as it's left facing. Drawing ponies facing forward has been fairly difficult over the years, but it's getting easier now.

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

I don't really, draw clothing?? In fact, I kind of hate drawing clothes (especially since I learned how to draw through drawing ponies, so I don't have much experience with it). I guess I used to like drawing handkerchiefs on ponies necks though, but not as much anymore. Sweaters can be fun occasionally.

Also I'm doing well thank you for asking!! I'm about to start crunching out homework (mainly art related work).

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: The Anime (pt. 1)

I could go on and on about these two and I think I will, just because I don’t often see people talk about the analysis behind them. The meta I have seen about them has included a perspective that equaled the anime and the manga and I don’t think that’s an accurate way of viewing their relationship.

The anime is a different species than the manga, something that frequently happens during the adaptation from page to screen. Since they’re so different, I’ll analyze them separately.

There's going to be many parts to this so I'll keep a table of contents right here so people can more easily navigate (though you can also read through the "let's talk about natsumikan: the anime" tag on my blog):

Anime Analysis

Part 1: Exposition & Episode 7

Part 2: Episodes 8, 9, 10, & 11

Part 3: Episodes 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, & 17

Part 4: Episodes 18 & 19

Part 5: Episodes 20, 21, & 22

Part 6: Episodes 23, 24, 25, & 26 & Conclusion

The anime makes changes, as anime adaptations often do. The most outstanding changes are appearance related, as Natsume now has brown eyes instead of red, in addition to other characters who have hue-shifted eyes and hair. But there are also story changes, and I’ll be focusing on the changes that occur, specifically in regards to Natsume and Mikan and their relationship.

For one, their relationship starts evolving much earlier in the anime. I think it’s pretty undeniable that in the anime, Natsume started liking Mikan at the end of the dodgeball game. That scene never happened in the manga, but in the anime, it’s a crucial step in making sure nothing seems too sudden or forced.

The anime is 26 episodes long. If Natsume only starts liking Mikan after she saves him during the Reo Arc, then we’re already halfway through the show when positive feelings between the two appear. On the other hand, the feelings develop more slowly in the manga because there’s more time to properly develop the relationship in a more drawn out way.

My analysis will start with the anime, because it’s shorter and easier to discuss.

Exposition

It’s impossible to say that the anime was completely loyal to the manga. It very frequently couldn’t be, because it needed to fill in time in episodes or give closure early before the manga even addressed it (Natsume’s backstory in the anime, for instance, is vaguely referred to and implies deviation from the manga).

The most obvious difference between the manga and the anime from the get-go is visual. Not only do they have differing art styles (I don’t dislike the anime style but Higuchi Tachibana’s art style is so distinct and unmistakable while the anime’s isn’t so unique), but the setting is also different.

While the manga started in the depth of winter, the anime starts off in summer/fall. It always struck me as odd that while the first page of the manga has Mikan running after Hotaru in full winter-wear, the anime starts off warm and idyllic. You could almost think of that as a general warning for the difference between the anime and the manga. After all, while the anime has a reputation for being a cutesy and upbeat story about friendship and magical powers, the manga is much darker and discusses many morbid and depressing themes that can and WILL fuck you up. Warm vs. cold seems like an accurate difference, though I don’t think that was intentional.

We see way more of the village life in the anime, including Mikan’s efforts to keep the school from closing. This is a welcome change because Mikan’s passion to keep the school open is nothing compared to her friendship with Hotaru, and even after the school is saved, she runs away to see her friend, even if it means she goes to another school. The manga doesn’t imply that Mikan knew already about the school’s fate, and since she is always so preoccupied with Hotaru anyway, we don’t really get the impression that she cares very much. To Anime!Mikan, Hotaru is more important than saving the school, something she was so passionate about she rallied to get signatures. It’s an extra scene to prove just how much Hotaru matters to Mikan, and to show even more how selfless Hotaru was to go to Alice Academy, since she knew how much the school mattered to Mikan.

“Sign my petition to get a Gakuen Alice anime reboot!!!”

My boy Natsume is only introduced properly in the second episode, when we actually see his face and he speaks. His appearance is different from the manga’s too. I’m not sure if this was to appeal to a younger audience or what, but Natsume’s eyes are changed to brown instead of their iconic red, something that was always my biggest peeve about the anime adaptation. His hair is also somewhat purplish instead of entirely grey/black and, although this does bother me a lot less than the eyes, I wonder why they made this change when other characters have black hair. It might have been to differentiate him from Hotaru, another main character with black hair, though I’ve never had issue in the manga telling them apart.

His first interaction with Mikan is a lot more pleasant in the anime than in the manga, although that’s not really saying anything. Mikan’s skirt simply falls off and Natsume draws attention to it, rather than the unpleasant events that took place in the manga. This different event makes it a lot easier to support a relationship between the two of them right off the bat. They are still antagonistic but it’s not as terrible as it is in the manga. This makes it easier to establish romantic feelings earlier on, and might have been changed in order to achieve just that, or possibly also to appeal to a younger audience. Maybe both? Who knows.

“You can’t sit with us!”

With Natsume presented the way he is in the anime, it’s easier to make the claim that he’s simply a good guy who acts the way he does to protect people. And it’s true! He is! But he is also so much more. In the manga, he’s a more complicated character. Although he is a good person, he still requires character development, which is something he does go through, and something I’ll talk about more in his meta analysis later.

Most of the events at the beginning of the anime parallel the events of the manga. Mikan goes to Alice Academy at the same time of year, Natsume shows up with an explosion, Mikan has to go through the Northern Woods, she discovers her powers in her fight with Natsume, etc. Some of the continuation from episode to episode is different than the transitions between chapter to chapter, there’s extra scenes inserted to fill up time, and some of the exposition seems strangely presented (in the anime, Mikan finds out more about the school when she finds Narumi and Iinchou waiting for her at a tea party, which is…. Super weird…), but all in all the information and events are mainly the same. The big differences start with the dodgeball episode.

“Look how happy she is. Makes me wanna barf.”

Episode 7 vs. Chapter 9

I love the dodgeball episode. I feel like for the most part, the anime does deviation from the manga pretty well. With the last arc as an exception, I generally enjoy their changes and additions to the plot. The anime has to be different, has to progress at a different pace, has to introduce topics at different times. They have an episode to fill, and less time to build relationships. Natsume and Mikan are both different characters in the anime but it’s very subtle and has to happen due to the fact that the anime is shorter and seems more designed for younger audiences, in addition to wrapping up before the manga could explore more of the story.

Anyway, let’s talk about the dodgeball episode. AGAIN THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN THE MANGA THE SAME WAY so when discussing NatsuMikan as a concept, the anime events cannot be treated the same as the manga events. A lot of people maybe forget that the manga is very different than the anime when it comes to this episode. I see the two media conflated in plenty of fanfics, where seventeen year old NatsuMikan reflect on the dodgeball game from their youth that changed everything, and I get it because the anime version of the dodgeball game is cute! It's shippy! It's fun! But it doesn't happen in the manga the same way.

There's a similar trope with the sakura tree, which I can only remember from the anime, and yet it's such a fundamental aspect of NM fanfic it might as well have played a vital role in both anime and manga. Nothing wrong with any of this, of course. I'm just making it clear that my analysis will cover the two media as separate for the sake of a cohesive essay. Separating them in fanfic is far less important.

This look could probably kill someone. I’m surprised Mikan is still alive, TBH.

The chapter’s focus is Mikan starting to feel more at home in Class B, making friends with her once-hostile classmates, but the episode is more preoccupied with Natsume and Mikan’s perspectives on each other. While in the manga, the game ends with a tie and Mikan accidentally hits Hotaru in the face with the ball, the anime draws out the game to fill an episode and to introduce an evolution in the way Natsume sees Mikan. The first part of the anime episode is Mikan introducing her friends to her new senpai, Tsubasa. After she invites her friends, we see Natsume glowering at her and promptly ditching the next class, saying to Ruka that he can’t stand being in the same class as her. This addition to the plot already foreshadows that their relationship will change in some way by the end of the episode.

Tsubasa tells a frustrated Mikan that if she wants Natsume to be less unpleasant, he’d need to release some of his toxic energy. Thus, the sporty Mikan introduces the concept of dodgeball to the unwelcoming class. When they finally agree, Natsume gives one condition: that they play with the notorious Alice Ball, which is powered by the thrower’s alice (a detail absent from the manga). This Alice Ball is particularly terrifying with the threat of Natsume’s dangerous fire alice. Mikan also needs to get more people on her team, another aspect absent from the manga. While in the manga, Mikan only had her few friends on her team (including a wandering Ruka) and this ended up playing to her advantage, the anime has a humorous plot of Mikan tracking players down for her team, including a fake mustache she makes with her pigtails (she’s so cute, I love her), paying Hotaru to be on her team, and blackmailing Ruka to participate. This was mainly to fill time, but it makes the dodgeball game more important as well.

In the manga, we don’t see how the game ends, just that the teams tied and that everyone in class is having fun and bonding. In the anime, more emphasis is put on the “Mikan vs. Natsume” aspect, so a tie like the manga’s would be anticlimactic. Thus, the anime concludes the dodgeball game with Mikan and Natsume being the only kids left on the court, and Natsume not using his alice when he throws the Alice Ball. Even Hotaru leaving the game is something she does out of boredom instead of injury, further separating the other characters from the plot. It’s about Natsume and Mikan, and everyone else is mostly a side character. (Though Ruka also plays a vital role to this episode AND chapter, and it’s at this point that I think he started developing real feelings for Mikan as well. So when it comes to the anime, he and Natsume fall for Mikan around the same time, but in the manga, Ruka likes her first and the “he liked her first” argument for Natsume vanishes, though he never had that “advantage” to begin with.)

“Thank you!”

Natsume wins (something that shocked me at twelve years old) and is ready to walk away with his handy “tch” and all but Mikan thanks him for not using his alice and he goes off on her, demanding to know why she’s still smiling despite her loss. She says she’s happy that he had fun and was involved with the rest of class for once, and that in a way that means she wins. For Anime!Natsumikan, this is it. This is the turning point. “I just wanted you to be happy and have fun,” is what Mikan might as well be saying. “Really, this was all for you!” It’s sweet and it’s thoughtful and I don’t think Natsume ever imagined he’d be on the receiving end of her kindness, especially after all their beef. Manga!Mikan would probably not say these things to him, even if she meant them, for the sole reason that Mikan is stubborn and holds onto her pride, especially when it comes to her early relationship with Natsume, but Anime!Mikan is much more forgiving and much more willing to extend an olive branch, like in the dance episode. In any case, Natsume starts falling right then, and it’s obvious too, because he is pissed, and even more angry because he’s not even mad at her. He’s angry with himself for his change of opinion. This is the girl he was fully content to hate forever and yet here he was, starting to like her. Not ideal.

This scene, something so crucial to the development of Anime!Natsumikan, is completely absent from the manga. In the manga, Natsume still dislikes her by the end of the game although he does have fun.

He's not angry, just disappointed. In himself.

I’m not going to say one is better when it comes to starting up NatsuMikan because they’re very different creatures and I actually thoroughly enjoy both.

Anyway, the NatsuMikan after episode 7 is almost the same as in the manga, but the events carry a different weight since we know Natsume likes Mikan now (even if he would never admit it).

Summary

I hope this first part was interesting, and that it introduced the idea of Anime!NatsuMikan as being a little different from the manga's version. Yes, it is more or less the same story, but with so many thematic and plot changes, they take a different form as well, in a perhaps more subtle way, kind of like a slightly canon divergent fanfic. Fanfic where Natsume starts liking Mikan a bit earlier on in the story.

Next Part ->

[unkownknowledge]

OC: CHAOS GOD OF THE VOID, GIOTA

story I'm still working on your requests don't worry, I just wanted to make a few character sheets since I'm not focused enough rn. I'll finish it when I take my meds though I promise.

And this isn't an oc for any show, rather a character from a multiversal mythos I'm making

also, an important term to understand this: 1 god year=5 billion years

_____________________

Description:

Giota is a very hot and cool Giota stop changing the text! Atleast change your style of writing so the reader can undead immediately Aw but wheres the fun GIOTA

Fine mister fun police, I'll write like this then. And I'll be cooler than you

Young man I wil... forget it, back on track:

Giota is a shapeshifting god of chaos, void, technological progress, freedom, and being a dramatic bitch.

Hey! I'm not a bitch!....maybe a little

When appearing before mortals he'll often take on the form the viewer imagines when they think of a god of chaos would appear as. Often times when the user knows the basic descriptions of Giota from the 'book of tales' will see him as a angel like statue of bones with numerous cracks, no face, and organ pipe wings.

When meeting with gods outside his domain or when he must meet mortals in a set form, he will take on simple, 10ft tall humanoid form with bone skin, a cracked mouth that cracks more when he speaks, two different colored eyes, and longer than floor length black hair. One of his eyes will be crying water that burns upwards, while the other cries fire that flows downwards. In this form he wears a black trenchcoat, green turtleneck, and purple dad pants.

What the fuck are dad pants?

You know, those usually brown pants that are kinda jeans but soft and actually comfortable.

YOU BITCH MY HUSBAND LIKES JEANS AND HIS PANTS ARE SOFT!

YOUR HUSBAND HAS MARSHMALLOW THIGHS! LITERALLY! OF COURSE HIS PANTS ARE SOFT!

Inside his own domain, or if he's feeling especially done with whatever poor bastard made him upset, Giota takes the form of an innocent ten year old child with soft white steel skin, mile long black hair made of silk, and black eyes made of diamonds. In this form he wears pajamas for to big for him, his mouth leads to a dark void, and he carries around two plushies: a bunny made of roses from his mom, and a plush of his adult form from his husband. Of course he becomes an adult if they do anything adult, so please don't start.

Regardless of his form, even when it's based on the perspective of others, he always wears a large knitted infinity scarf his husband made for whenever he wanted to hide away.

_____________________

Powers:

Cool ones

I mean, he's not wrong...

(I should make an ice themed character)

Giota, as a god, has numerous powers related to his domains.

powers of freedom:

inspiring presence- while most gods or beings of power inspire mortals and lesser beings of power to kneel down or bow, Giota’s presence inspires all beings to rise up, to do anything, to do whatever they want, to become the best they can be. this can be used to inspire allies to carry on. However Giota can also let this power run rampant, and free the mind of any shackles, and while this sounds good it really just means removing all morals and causing mass violence, and if he lets it run rampant while in the same dimension he lets it then all life will mutate into eldritch monstrosities of decadence and selfishness. According to him this is to show that balance must be kept between chaos and law.

the torch of liberty- among Giota’s duties as a god of freedom is to liberate the populations of ‘doomed realms’ that have been enslaved. essentially, if a planet in a universe is ruled purely by either law or chaos then the entire universe can be effected, in the case of law it can result in the entire universe becoming one collective conscious. while it’s not common that enslaved worlds occur, however when they do they are the most dangerous of law worlds. to combat worlds like this gods of freedom are given torches that free the minds of the enslaved and bring down holy fire upon the enslavers in the form of the collective will of all the freed people.

powers of technological progress:

cybernetic god-many god-years ago Giota was severely wounded by a rogue god of flesh and a rogue god of metal, to the point even he could not regenerate it. to stop him from dying a cult of his granted Giota cybernetic enhancements. these enhancements integrated into Giota’s flesh as it regenerated and became enhanced in turn by Giota’s divinity, and Giota’s divine power was enhanced then by the cybernetics, resulting in a self sustaining growth in power. while he gladly used this to stop the rogue gods, and once again to destroy an old one, he feels being that powerful would upset the balance of power, so he sealed it in a time lock in time with the seasons and time of day in the void. his power increases from mid day to mid night, and from the end of summer to the end of winter. in the minute of exactly midnight at the end of winter, Giota becomes, in both this multiverse and the old, the most powerful being to exist.

self evolving knowledge- because his position as a god of technology is artificial his powers in it are very weak, being able to only grant full sentience and sapience to machines. he can also create minor miracles of technology, such as summoning a clockwork toy(which he does often)

hey man did you really have to bring up the whole getting my ass kicked thing?

yes, now shut up before I bring up what you sing in the shower

....fucker....

powers of being dramatic:

yeah that wasn't a joke. Giota is the god of being over the top, stylish, and over all flair. in other words, being dramatic

personal sound track- he can cause any song he wants to play when he does anything.

lights, camera, ACTION!- whenever he wants, Giota can cause a bright, sparkling light to emit from his body or behind himself.

my favorite is that one bad bitch’s theme. what’s her name again?

Ragyo Kiyurin?

that's the fucker! terrible taste in morals, but damn does she know how to enter a room.

...can I put sigh when it’s supposed to be me sighing?

powers of the god of chaos

Chaotic existence- for Giota to even exist is, in and of itself, a paradox. he comes from a timeline that never existed, that was on a set path, yet he exist, and he changed the course of the timeline. when he became a chaos god he became a paradox within a paradox, he existed yet did not. to attempt to change any aspect of his being, to take in any part of his being, is to know that which is not there to know, to understand that which is not there, you have to be able to comprehend the very essence of nonexistence to even bare a hair of his getting in your mouth. such a thing easily drives all things that try insane, to the point that every part of their conscience believes that it does not exist.

overwhelming power-chaos gods are only once a multiverse, and with the title comes pure power. such power could turn an infant into an indestructible warrior, however since Giota was already at that level on a mortal scale, and already capable of taking on powerful gods, this power sets him among the highest echelons of divine might.

powers of the god of void

key to nonexistence- the god of the void is the only being who can open the bridge between that which exist and that which does not

rapid regeneration- the void god has an innate ability to regenerate from nearly all damage, even if they are ground to a fine paste. this regeneration is enhanced by the cybernetic enhancements.

speed of darkness- the void god has an innate speed that surpasses light, Giota’s already superhuman speed was enhanced by this.

spear of not- the void god is the sole being in existence and non existence who can wield the spear of not, a finely forged weapon. it is not special beyond being enchanted to withstand godly power and a ‘security lock’ enchantment, however it is still a very well made weapon.

blah blah blah, enough about what I was handed, tell them about my mortal abilities

as Giota just said, and as I’ve brought up before, Giota is extremely powerful even without his powers, he also used to be two other mortals that were less powerful. but over all these were his powers, which he still has.

leather skin- while it might appear or feel like something else, Giota’s skin is exactly like leather armor. this comes from how he was raised as a child to be a powerful warrior and his skin was tanned into hide and treated while it was still on him.

adamantine bone- Giota’s bones were also replaced by an adamantine skeleton when he was a child.

super sonic speeds- during his training as a child, he was taught to be able to surpass the sound barrier on foot.

superhuman strength- his training also trained his body to carry ten tons, however as a mortal he improved that strength to the point he could exert enough force to blast away entire cities by blinking. This power did not come easy.

flight- after training with some monks late in his life, Giota was able to walk on the air, essentially he could fly at the same speed as he could run.

agility- he was trained as a warrior and assassin, so Giota’s training included advanced maneuverability training, including wall running, sneaking across tripwires, etc.

weapon master- Giota is a master in all weapons and various forms of martial arts.

he also has reciev- hey man you good?

I-I’m fine! d-don’t write that I’m crying! 

you...wanna talk about it?

…no...

is it about your mom?

…maybe...

alright take your time.

anyway Giota has a very useful piece of equipment, the cloak of maternity- despite it’s name, it’s actual a cloak that leads to a pocket dimension where Giota carries his weapons and toys. It is called the cloak of maternity because his adoptive mother gave him after he became a god-bounty hunter, she even designed it to help him hide away from people. it even has a designated snack pocket.

_____________________

BIO:

Giota was found by his adoptive mother after he destroyed his timeline, as punishment, or perhaps in an attempt to redeem him, she turned him back into a baby. something Giota happily accepted.

After this his life went on as a mortal’s would, only in the realm of divinity: he went to school, went into college, graduated, then entered the workforce. granted the workforce he entered was bounty hunting divine criminals. it was easy for him to get into, after all everything from his past life transferred over to this one, it wasn't long before he was hunting even the deadliest of criminals. while his mom was very supportive, it was still difficult for him to keep in contact with her as he did before moving out, and being a bounty hunter was hardly a sociable job. it wasn't long before Giota fell into depression, and then to drugs. for twenty three god years his life was an endless cycle of contract killing, payment, and wallowing in chemical joy. But at the end of all blinding lights, there is a welcoming darkness.

Giota had become the personal bounty hunter of the god of law and time: Ceerus. one day while leaving after receiving a contract, he met the god’s child, a boy his age named Dyalta.

It was thanks to Dyalta that Giota ever kicked drugs, or got out of depression, and thanks to Dyalta Giota managed to find happiness in anything other than a syringe.

Even the reason he found love.

rise to godhood

Giota became a god after an old god, named the Red slaughter, destroyed the entire universe. this was a catalyst for Giota, who had died previously, to return with his newly awakened god powers. I don't want to go into to much detail in this aspect as I intend to write it at some point.

_____________________

hey man you good yet? 

a little bit. Dyalta came by and gave me some cookies.

that's good buddy, I’m gonna describe your personality ok?

alright.. I’m gonna go home now.

alright man, take care.

_____________________

personality

do note that this is a bit hard for me to do. I’m more used to just writing a character. I’ll just post two short stories here to try and get his personality across. I made them in school last year.

ok so after looking at it the second one is twelve pages long. so I’m gonna post that elsewhere on here. to give context: this is after a wedding between Dyalta and Giota was interrupted. if you’d like to see more about him then feel free to interact or request him.

elavator story

Giota shifted uncomfortably to make room for his soon to be father in law as the man stepped into the lift.

“Soooooo…” Giota pressed their floor “wonderful, um, siege we’re having.”

Ceerus just keeps his eyes on the door “sure.”

“So how's the uh, wife?”

Ceerus sighed “locked in a tower, that we are invading.”

“Mhm, yup.”

‘Maybe I should try calling him dad.’

“So what did you think of my swordsmanship d-dad.”

Ceerus visibly restrained himself “it was fine ten- Giota.”

The elevator stopped, probably because of security.

“Oh maker damnit,” Ceerus tries rewinding the shut off, but it doesn't work “and it’s godproofed!”

“This reminds of this one time me and Dyalta wen-”

Ceerus put his hand to Giota’s mouth “if you end this story in anything less than fully clothed I will end your fake hide.”

Giota scratches his head nervously “Well I didn't, but Dyalta lost his shirt and well,” Giota notice Ceerus drawing his blade “b-but it was for a sword fi- wait bad wording, it was for a-you know- assasination thing!”

Ceerus sighed and sheathed his sword “look, you dusting mongrel, I don’t like you, you pretend to like me, let’s just try and not kill each other and maybe by the end of this, I won’t flay your ass at the altar.”

Well atleast now they both agreed on something: this was going to be a long crusade.

________________________________________________________________

ok that's that! not a very good character sheet but hopefully it got enough across to be interesting. I’ll end this off with some quotes I want him to say but have never gotten the chance to write out:

“hey Ceerus how’s the kid? oh thats right! in my bed, waiting patiently.” following Ceerus being exceptionally annoying.

“you know something? I try to be nice, I always smile, always banter with my targets. you know, try and be friendly. but then some RED MOTHERFUCKER, POSSESSES MY HUSBAND, WAKING ME UP FROM ETERNAL SLUMBER, AND NOW I ONCE AGAIN HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE GOD’S MESSES!”

*crying into Dyalta* “and then he said my clothes were stupid,” *sobbing* “I tried really hard on these!”

“this multiverse, to us gods, is wet paper mache. so easy to break, one wrong move and POP,” Giota flexes his finger and causes an ocean to split open for a solid ten seconds, “the very fabric of reality is gone. and you. you insuferable MOTHER FUCKERS have the AUDACITY TO COME IN HERE, AND TEAR IT ALL TO SHREDS! well assholes, if this reality is paper mache to you, and I’m stronger than you, take a wild gues as to what you are to me.”

(tagging: @storytravelled, @3lectro-heart, @genshin-obsessed)

[cargopantsman]

Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here

Trigger warnings: All of them, because I am lazy. Also none of this is sensical.

Utter, hyper-caffeinated brain noise.

The problem with the concept of a "sense of self" is it already tries to concretize an amorphous abstract. It makes us want to point at some thing and say "Well... that's me." Whether it is a set of ideals that we try to live by, a set of activities that brings us a sense of joy or fulfillment, or, gods forbid, and entirely different and other person that "completes us."

I've always had an affinity for trickster figures and shapeshifters. The wearers of masks, the truthful liars, the artisans of duality, yada, yada. Since I was a child my first instinct has always been to blend in. If into the background, great, but if need be, if I needed to blend into the social fabric around me, I could do that too. To throw this into the high school backdrop; I wasn't a social butterfly, I was shy as could be, but I got along with the jocks, the goths, the nerds, the art freaks, the band kids, the preps, the whatever. Where ever I was I could fake that I belonged there. I was comfortable drifting in between worlds. (Looking back, I could have caused a lot more chaos with the information I was privy to at the time...[Oh, there's a constant point. I'm good at keeping secrets, keeping confidence. I'll lie my ass off to keep a secret.]) Does any of that really help drive a sense of self though? When your natural instinct is to mirror, to blend, to fade? When your point of pride is walking into a room unnoticed and, even better, leaving a party unseen? Does being a ghost count as an identity?

"Expression of Will" comes to mind... what does that mean? Ok, so some abstract thing is inside of you and you manifest it objectly outwardly. I was an artist. I made images in my head and "kind of" manifest them on paper. Some times people see that paper...  I was a writer... images in my head "became" words and some people saw that. I combined them into comics. Some people Saw that. Is that a lasting affect? Maybe the fights I've been into?! That time in 2nd grade someone was picking on a friend and I laid them out... the time in 8th grade someone was picking on me and clocked them down. Or in high school when someone decided to start some rumors and I held them up by their throat in the air until they turned blue? That was an inward thing that manifested outwardly. Nevermind good or bad, but was any of that... me?

Hmm. The beast. The primal... come back to that later.

"Expression of Will," "Expression of Will," "Expression of Will" ... What the fuck even is "Will"? Is this why philosophers get their heads so far up their ass? Is it a desire? The will to live.... living requires eating and the amount of times I forget to even do that... Maybe been looking at the phrase all wrong...

Will to Live (noun) It isn't a thing.

Will (verb) to (preposition) Live (verb)

Why does that sound better?

Desire to Live (noun)

Desire (verb) to (preposition) Live (verb)

Okay, that feels better even, but still... Sense of self, will, desire, expressions thereof. Are these just the aimless desires and wills? The fleeting flights of frivolous fancies festering forlornly in frontal cortices?

The self with the will can direct the desires towards living. "Get in the fucking robot Shinji!" "I don't wanna"

The (ghost) with the (strength) can direct the (impulses) towards (being). Getting too close to a concept of a soul on that one huh?

Forget self. It's a useless moniker right now. There is no self. It's just this mind alone for the first time in its entire life. (Not alone alone, there are friends, but they've learned more about me in the past two weeks than the past 6 years so...) "What did they learn?" asked the projection of self that defines itself by interactions with other.

I thought we were forgetting self.... not an option really. Sentience is a bitch like that. But they've learned I'll put up with a lot of bullshit under the guise of strength and integrity when I should've callously called this whole thing ages ago. That I can shut myself down completely in the interest of bodily-self preservation. (Not Self-self preservation, fuck the English language). What did I sacrifice? What did I shut down?

Everything.

That is less than helpful.

The Beast. Vince. Your Shadow.

My Shadow...

What do you desire?

Blood in the cut, tears in their eyes, power over someone that wants that power over them...

Do you want that? I don't want it, I just need it. No... I want it.

Is that all you are? A sadist? An animal?

Maybe... probably not though. A caretaker, and a sparring partner. A trickster and a shapeshifter. A crafter whose tools are destruction.

Next problem, grandeur. Mythologizing everything. But how to see a thing if you don't blow it up/magnify it?

You lack a sense of self because no one ever tested your sense of self. No one actually fought you for who you are. To find out who you are. The ex didn't. An old friend did until she got scared by what she found there.

You don't want to be yourself because it's not nice is it? You were raised to be nice.

College. I controlled the group. Never hit anyone after high school aside from set matches in classes or sparring for funsies. They all saw my eyes and stopped if they were getting out of hand.

The Dom-Friend.

Don't use the d-word on me.

Destroyer? Yeah, that one's fine. That one fits. He says as he carelessly tosses lit matches around his entire life. Can we bring up the phoenix or is that too grandiose? Why shouldn't it be grandiose? We spend every day of our lives going through the same kind of tedious bullshit all the time why not make our inner lives a bit bigger, a bit richer?

A bit darker.

Why do you want them to bleed? Hurt and comfort. That's a big theme, a trope if you will. Why not have both at the same? Why not let her think that I'm about to kill her but let her rest in the trust that I won't? Why not let me think that I'm about to break her while believing she is the most precious thing in the world?

Caretaker. A caretaker kills all the time. Tearing out weeds, uprooting the prized plant to move it to a better place for its growth.

Growth.

The self isn't going to be found just in ones self... not in another either. No, the self has to be found in everything. The things one wants to run to and run from. The soul (oops) is formed by what it crashes into right? The mind recoils from traumas races towards panaceas, why not, if one can, flip the polarity on the two. Bring the darkness screaming into the light so you can see it, bring the light quivering into the darkness so it can loose its terrifying brillance. Balance in all things right?

You're not a very positive person, they say. No... I'm not. It lashes out in bad ways sometimes, sure. Control, control, you must learn control. But being negative isn't bad. Not if you can grow from it. No plant can survive the sun for 24 hours. Trees sleep in the winter. We sleep, we heal, we grow.

Self-Destruction!! That's a fun one... seven fucking months downing a bottle of whisky a night. Whooo boy. Do Not Recommend.

Got a nice stay in the underworld though and trudged up a lot of shit. Now I'm sitting here with my ears ringing because I finally hit the personal limit on Monsters and my brain is overclocked enough I can finally see shit at 4 angles at the same time. I am a god damned quantum supercomputer of emotions right now.

Faith and faithlessness are the same thing. Have faith, trust the future, don't expect anything, don't plan your now for your future. Sounds sadly like live in the moment type bullshit, but life is weird and people are complex. Shifting drifting clueless animals that want to be safe but don't want to get stuck in anothers arms even when there is one whose arms are so safe.

The damage runs deep... and two people with damage running that deep. Hmm. How much healing can falling do? The other just puts a bandage over a puncture wound and both try to ignore it, but then the blood gets pumping, the heart pounds and poisons surge to the surface. It's neither one's fault really. Life is a trial of knives and we don't always have time or concern to tend the wounds properly. There's always something else that needs to be taken care of first.

Divorce is a helluva drug. It is maddening, the freedom to finally to be yourself is line having the lineart stripped off, there is a terrifying infinity in front of you and the only thing to do for awhile is melt. Let the slings and arrows just pierce and sink in. Anyone else tries to push the sludge of you into a shape might get hurt when they find the arrows. I want to go absolutely feral in a way. In a way the whole COVID mess is keeping me under lock and key so I'm just prowling around the empty house like I always have been, but now there's some sense... of purpose.

I'm raging against any depression, the executive dysfunction is going to have a talking to. The sense of self is going to be found in stripping this house down to bare walls and making a blank canvas. Bring everything down, ruin it all, start again.

My self is emptiness, it always has been. I can be anything, but I should be wary of ever wanting to be something. (My career options are AWESOME). But this is a different emptiness than before. Before I pulled the trigger and splattered the brains of the marriage across the floor I was just a void, and inky black pit of nothingness. Somehow, having the Shadow rise up and finally start getting along with the rest of me, the emptiness isn't.... void. It's just nascent possibility and that shouldn't scare me.

It does, of course, terrify me. First time in 40 years being legitimately alone is terrifying, should have done this kinda thing when I was 20, but... I was an idiot back then (60 year old me laughs from the future). But I think I can get a grip on the concept that "I" don't exist, but I'm real... ever changing ever dynamic, not who I was while I was married, but a mix of the me before, a angry beast now, and something yet unseen in the future.

[currywaifu]

𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: barbie movies as troupe plays part 1 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: sfw

𝐚𝐧: if you think i won’t do all 36 barbie movies, you’re wrong. regardless of whether people want this or not. i have barbie brainrot 24/7. i’m just separating it into parts so it’s not too long *this isn’t meant to be that serious y’all my reasons vary from legit to just jokes

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥: i won’t go in-depth with any plot differences from movie to play, or how the characters would work out... for now *chuckles in future ppt*

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏: nutcracker, rapunzel, swan lake, princess and the pauper, fairytopia series, magic of pegasus, barbie diaries, island princess, three musketeers 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐: coming soon 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟑: coming soon

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: mixed troupe! spring x autumn. one of the seasonal events/scouts for A3! has a nutcracker theme, and to avoid spoilers that’s all i will say :3

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: since this is based on barbie’s take on the nutcracker, changing up the cast from what tsuzuru had in plan:

clara/sugarplum fairy: sakuya. i want to see him go through a costume & hair transformation sequence, not gonna lie. 

nutcracker/prince eric: juza. obviously he has to be the ruler of the land of sweets.

mouse king: sakyo or chikage. i want one of them to wave around a sceptre and say quotes like “i’ll reduce the Nutcracker to a pile of splinters"

pimm: taichi... pimm is a spy :O who has to do dirty work :O but the real reason is i just want taichi to follow around sakyo again or maybe even chikage this time lol

major mint & captain candy: tsuzuru and citron respectively. mint is pretty serious and awkward, candy is a lot friendlier- i just think it’ll be a good way to insert some humor in the play

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: mixed troupe! summer x autumn.

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: rapunzel in this one actually is the “servant” of gothel. also, rapunzel has a magical paint brush and also there’s dragons. who are purple. 

rapunzel: kazunari. obviously. actually, kazu has a lot of similarities with her: a good artist, patient, adventurous, quick thinking, hardly ever complains- also he’d look good with long hair i think ><

gothel: omi. there is an action fighto scene + also just the theme of omi playing villains lol... also THERE’S A SCENE WHERE GOTHEL PRETENDS TO BE RAPUNZEL BY WEARING A LONG WIG AND BOI- KAZU AND OMI’S BODY BUILDS ARE SO DIFFERENT BUT IT’D BE FUNNY IF THE PRINCE FALLS FOR THE TRAP ANYWAY

penelope: kumon. a PURPLE funny and clumsy dragon- fight me, the only answer is kumon especially once you see who’s next.

hugo: juza. a PURPLE dragon who’s penelope’s dad but he’s gonna be the older bro in this one (i wonder why...) 

hobie: a passive and worrisome rabbit... Tenma.

prince stefan: he also has a couple fight scenes... ngl bc stefan has blue eyes, light brown hair + described by the wiki as “fierce”, he’s banri. 

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: winter troupe. i will stand by this forever. 

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: this is like one of the ones i’ve had figured out for a while already...

odette & odile: tsumugi. i’m just saying, tsumugi’s duality- he can do both the white and black swan because he has power. impact.

prince daniel: not tasuku bc spare him the prince roles he’s sick of it. guy. why guy? because he obviously has a good idea of how to act like a prince :3 

rothbart: HOMARE! I WANT! THIS MAN! TO PLAY THE ANTOGONIST! GO OFF ABOUT DARK ARTS! TRANSFORM EVERYONE TO ANIMALS LIKE THE EXTRA BEING YOU ARE.

fairy queen: azuma. ugh just- imagining how ethereal he’d look.

erasmus: tasuku. he’s a troll that can act mean, but is genuinely kind and helpful... also, the VA of erasumus is also the VA for “unnamed burly villager” and i’m just saying-

kelly the cygnet: hisoka. there’s too many animal children, so hisoka is gonna be the baby swan. uwu. also, kelly has a quote, “I can't sleep.” and wOW THE IRONY

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: WE’RE GOING FOR THE COMEDIC ROUTE WHAT’S UP SUMMER. reason: i went “wait... no actor really looks super alike though.”

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: tafahfuoahoaf it’s my favourite barbie movie... OKAY SO THE RUNNING GAG OF THIS IS THAT THE PRINCESS & PAUPER DON’T LOOK ALIKE, BUT EVERYONE KEEPS GOING “Wow! you two look so identical!” no they don’t

anneliese: muku. first of all please look at the sprite i used in the header. anneliese = pink = muku. she’s the sweet princess archetype... but in this version she also goes on tangents about rocks and mineraLS AND HOW THE MINING INDUSTRY SUX AND THE ABSOLUTE AUDACITY OF-

erika: kumon. first of all, the sprite in the header again. erika = blue like ugh this is perfect. ALSO erika has a cat who BARKS and i just imagine kumon talking to her cat like: WOOF WOOF WOOF GRRR GRRR and the dog responding and everyone in the palace going wtf

king dominick: i had such a crush on him anyway he’s tenma. rich, young, talented king who disguises himself as a page so he can find love for realsies. im just saying. he won’t be tenma’s only role tho ><

julian: kazunari. the wiki went “he’s the only bestfriend a barbie MC ever married” really shook me like ugh friendship dynamic between muku and kazu roles??? also kazu’s genuinely smart so him as the tutor was just gucci in my eyes

preminger: misumi. FIRST OF ALL PREMINGER IS ICONIC? WHEN HE SANG HOW CAN I REFUSE I WAS LIKE UGH KING. i just wanna hear misumi play an antagonist that’s also funny and do things with his voice.

madame carp: yuki. a bossy and rich woman who owns a dress emporium. pretty much it.

nick & nack: YUKI AND TENMA. THEY WILL DOUBLE ROLE FOR THE SAKE OF BEING MISUMI’S DUMB UNDERLING DUO

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: spring troupe. i wanna see them have wings uwu.

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: just gonna combine the whole fairytopia series into one 

elina: itaru. first of all, pink motif. also i just like the idea of itaru being this recurring protagonist.

bibble the puffball played by kamekichi

laverna: recurring villain citron. for no reason other than i think it’s cool when he plays power hungry villains

enchantress: i just want sakuya to play a role that’s more of a “powerful character” but still really kind uwu. another recurring good guy.

azura & glee: tsuzuru. elina is azura’s apprentice, and glee is a friend who’s generally really happy... ngl, i wanna see tsuzuru play someone more energetic for funsies

nori: masumi. nori is kind of a stubborn and jealous person at first, him and elina won’t get along right away BUT DAMMIT THE ENEMIES? TO FRIENDS IS GUCCI!!! 

merman prince nalu & linden: chikage... yeah i just gave chikage the guy roles ngl... but i wanna see chikage as a handsome merman AND handsome fairy so *shrugs*

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: cross troupe. spring x winter.

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: partially based on the ice-skating cards (i have yet to read the event story, unfortunately).

annika: tsuzuru. i thought it’d be fun to cast tsuzuru as a more sheltered character due to annika’s parents’ protectiveness. the contrast y’all.

shiver: sakuya. shiver is a polar bear cub sidekick who’s friendly and likes shiny things and that’s just... really cute... put bear ears on sakuya...

brietta: guy. brietta is annika’s older sister... who got transformed into a pegasus by the villain... i wonder how they’d change the pegasus thing lol

wenlock: tasuku. NOT GONNA LIE- i want tasuku to play the villain for all these wonderful one-liners: "Oh, smile! You didn't lose a daughter; you've gained a pet!", and "I thank my lucky stars I didn't marry you!"

prince aidan: masumi bc i want more roomie interaction on stage i mean their friendship keeps getting cuter and cuter.

cloud queen: azuma... that’s all. i just remembered her bc her hair has a braided crown, and i went “azuma braided hair brainrot”

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: mixed troupe! summer x autumn.

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: i was gonna make it full autumn, but then the age casting felt awkward since they’re in high school...

barbie: taichi. barbie here is shy but wants to stop blending in the background! i just went “damn that do be resonating”. also i wanna hear taichi sing more y’all and barbie is a singer/guitarist here

courtney: azami. i like the idea of azami playing a spunky character who’s more of a tomboy, but still does like fashion and accessorising and... lip gloss?

tia: misumi? tenma? idk the intelligent and passionate archetype is very broad... especially in a high school setting

kevin: kazunari. just the whole best friend thing + kevin being a goofy person who loves to make ppl laugh ugh

racquelle: yuki. i know racquelle’s a bully here and say not to bullying... but sharp tongue.

todd: honestly? todd was so boring in the moving. we need someone like banri to give him CHARACTER!... yes that’s my reasoning ugh

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: sUMMER SUMMER SUMMER-

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: AHAHAHA WHAT IS THIS CASTING? MY REASONINGS FOR THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR ARE SO SHALLOW LMAO

ro/rosella: “a 16 year old girl who can talk to animals! adventurous and brave” me: *gasps* mISUMI-

prince antonio: “prince antonio loves travelling and exploring-” okay yeah it’s kazu...

queen ariana: i just want yuki to sing to me “love is for peasants which we’re obviously not” and i’d go :O also ngl... i wanna see yuki in like darker palettes and plotting to poison all the royals

princess luciana: queen ariana’s daughter... played by muku. because i wanna hear muku counter yuki with “all the shoujo mangas books i’ve read, all the poems always said, that the heart is made to share...”

sagi the red panda & azul the peacock: honestly, just basing it off of colour matching but tenma is sagi and kumon is azul lol

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: AUTUMN x SPRING

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: AHAHAHA WHAT IS THIS CASTING? pt 2 

corrine: i keep wanting to put sakuya in these roles oops. i just... let him sword fight on stage again :>

viveca: purple musketeer, artistic, designs clothes... fights with ribbons... you know, for the sake of banri being a fAshIoNisTa... it has to be banri y’all "Don't mess with the animal print dress!"

aramina: green musketeer, fights with fans, romantic and loves ballet... pfft, for the sake of “wouldn’t it be funny-” it has to be azami. poor bby, having to swoon over romance on stage- he can’t relate

renee: chikage. purely because of that scene where she threw a feather duster (?) at a flying shard of glass and perfectly hit it. yeah.

helene: the old and strict instructor that teaches them how to be musketeers... sakyo.. duh.

philippe: the main antagonist... it has to be omi again. and since philippe has a goatee, we’re bringing back facial hair omi~

prince louis: itaru, lol. he’s like the one significant non-action oriented character in the film. he has just enough moments where itaru still looks princely, but mostly? he just wants humans to fly y’all.

want to order again?

[fwoopersongs]

何必诗债换酒钱 - Notes

Clean version here and thoughts under the cut.

I saw the song translation notes made by @shelterfromrain​ a while back and thought, wow! what a fantastic idea it is to share the results of the rabbit holing (that you inevitably end up engaging in when doing this) and leave a record for your future self while at it too! Currently some of the song and poetry translations on fwoopersongs do have little notes, but those were casually written on the fly and after so long, the thought process behind certain choices often get forgotten, which is such a waste... Long story short - I’m doing it this way from now on!

This song was requested by @peerlesssqq on twitter - which may or may not have bumped it up by like a year on my list (yes, I’ve been sitting on it since 2018 and you’ll see why) - and I had WAY more fun than expected, so 谢啦 ~ It was a delight to receive your DM request. I was happy for days!

Some background: 《何必诗债换酒钱》 is the theme song of 【文定乾坤】- a collection of musical works that feature notable contributors to Chinese literature in ancient times, poets and the like. Oh, and I did notice that the MV on bilibili looks like it could be a promo for a webtoon or game. Who knows? I’ll be checking out the rest of the songs, that’s for sure!

The following part of this post will be my thoughts for first the title, then each section - the intro, verse 1 & 2 and the chorus, ending off with some final comments.

Disclaimer first though (otherwise later you read already then feel like beating me up): Everything in this post is only my interpretation of the song. I have quite limited familiarity with mainland literature and culture, so of course don’t expect much xD Here you’ll only find a story-loving banana who jiak-ed kantang too much in her youth and now regrets it a whole lot. 说好了哈 I’m pants at analysis, worse at Chinese, and am not at all good with words ok?

Title

So《何必诗债换酒钱》, let’s start off with the word here that’s unfamiliar to most of us:

诗债 | shī zhài or a debt of poems/poetry debt is a legit thing! - All you authors and artists out there might be familiar with it - It’s what you call the resulting debt when a poet promises to write something for another person but hasn’t done it yet. Procrastination has apparently always been the curse of content creators.

In fact, in the Bai Juyi’s poem that came up on the 诗债 baidu page《晚春欲携酒寻沉四著作先以六韵寄之》- possibly addressed to a friend he owes - he was complaining of illness, old age and writer’s block. But then oh, he goes on and then I passed by a party where they had drinks, and was quite up to my gills & totally out of it for some time, and THAT’S why I’ve done you dirty and owe you ever so many poems. I don’t really understand the last two lines but apparently he then offers to bring a drink for this person he’s talking to, mentions a wish to meet a winter goddess (????? pretty girl? or the snow? idk which), and starts reminiscing the times that were like a precious string of pearls they had singing at Yang Pass. Most likely farewells, but without context I just don’t get it. Anyway bribery and misdirection huh? I see what you did there bro, and I’m sure the person you attempted to distract saw it coming too...

何必 | hé bì, is a rhetorical question of Must you really? In the case of this word, 何 functions as roughly ‘is it that’ and 必 as ‘it must be so’.

换酒钱 | huàn jiǔ qián is of course, exchange for money to purchase wine.

‘Must you really promise poems in exchange for money to buy wine?’ then is the literal translation of 何必诗债换酒钱.

So here is the question: Is alcohol worth a poetry debt? Onwards to the answer!

Intro

生就诗骨 算来三百篇  Born and already a poet to the bones, (with) three hundred works counting up to now. 

浪掷秦淮长安 风流李杜王白  Spending lavishly in Qinhuai and Chang’an, free/unrestrained as Li and Du, Wang and Bai;

余下十分 便随意肩上担  whatever left is divided in ten parts, casually thrown over a shoulder

权作金玉铜板 相谢好人间  and taken for jade, gold and coin, a big thank you to this good world!

I interpreted the 生 in the first line as 天生 i.e. innate, natural born talent, so this first line describes someone born with a gift for poetry with ‘three hundred’ works to their name. Although... that three hundred should not be taken too literally, it’s more likely to be an allusion to collected works like the 16th century anthology of poems, Three Hundred Tang Poems. After all, Li Bai, Du Fu, Wang Wei and Bai Juyi are the most famous Tang Dynasty poets… and they were all name-dropped in the next line!

浪掷 | làng zhì was a new phrase for me, and means something like spending freely and lavishly or willfully wasted. Of course Chang’an was the capital during the Tang Dynasty and it was the world's most populous city at the time. One can only imagine how prosperous it must have been… and what fun things were there to spend your money on! The banks of Qinhuai river and that general area was once a gathering place for noble/wealthy families, scholars looking for a good time (and some say, the red light district xD). Though by Sui/Tang, that area was no longer doing as well due to political shifts. So the mental image I got from 浪掷秦淮长安 is of someone gallivanting through places of interest, from the bustling and prosperous to the dilapidated.

风流 | fēng liú is as always, hard to translate with no full equivalent in english. The feel it gives me ranges from, ‘cool, dashing bloke on a galloping horse with their cloak/robes/hair flowing elegantly in the wind’ to ‘pleasure seeking dandy who totally knows how to enjoy life, all the courtesans know him by courtesy name!’.

The third line started with 余下十分, which will not make any sense - why leftover? Divide what by ten? - until its put in context with the following:

Three hundred poems 算来三百篇 + 权作金玉铜板 pretend they are gold/jade/money (权作 | quán zuò just means to take one thing for another temporarily.)

The load thrown over the shoulder 肩上担

Spendthrift behaviour on tour 浪掷秦淮长安

The TITLE: bro so u wanna promise poetry in exchange for money to drink? why.

Let’s take those precious poems that can be exchanged for gold - a whole bagful of scrolls, and now I’m so rich I can scatter my money down the streets of entertainment districts and the capital! The very image of a 风流 poet, reckless and free spirited.

// Folks, please learn from this silly girl and do not read songs (or poems) line by line. They need to be appreciated at a distance, not one inch from your eyeballs.

Verse 1

两分与月 劳烦身前打点 Two parts to the moon, (may I) trouble you to take care of me while I’m alive.

哪处巍峨峰峦 当借我悬来观 Wherever there are majestic peaks and ranges, do lend me (your light) to hang and see by.

三分典高楼 好与长风赴宴 Three parts pawned for the tall building, good for attending the banquet alongside the wind,

遍寻可爱星子 唾手一把玩 searching for charming little stars, easily caught to play with.

Now we get to see how the poet is spending his ‘wealth’. This verse is a lot more literal as compared to the introduction, so there’s not much to say.

打点 used here is so interesting! Because it’s what you call bribing someone in a superior position to smoothen your path ahead (so to speak). Thanks to a childhood of tvb drama, I vaguely associate the type of people who would 打点 with rich merchant or minor noble fathers who want to give their sons an easier time at court. Either that or lower ranked officials with less moral scruples. Anyway, what’s being said in the song is something like: here is 20% dear moon, I’ll have to trouble you to bless me for the rest of this lifetime, and also please lend me your light to see by when I have need of it at scenic spots *for art*. The moon is a muse for many poets in all its forms after all… 明月, 圆月, 孤月, 残月, 冷月, 江月, 秋月 and so on.

Actually that whole sentence 劳烦身前打点 is so playful and fun that I put it in quotation marks to emphasize it. We’ve only just begun. Is the speaker already drunk?

And with the third line, 30% has been spent. Just noting here that 典 | diǎn can be read as pawn or mortgage. Another interesting thing to note would be that this imagery of ascending a tall building 高楼 and reaching out for stars 星子 in the last two lines of Verse 1 brings to mind one particular poem, famously attributed to Li Bai. Following translation by yours truly.

《夜宿山寺》- Overnight at the Mountain Temple 危楼高百尺 | dangerously towering a hundred feet high 手可摘星辰 | the stars are within reach 不敢高声语 | one dares not raise their voice 恐惊天上人 | for fear of disturbing the deities

Though the two probably have nothing to do with each other, doesn’t the reverence in the tone of this one bring out the playful irreverence of the other? So. Much. Fun. I adore the whole feel of 遍寻可爱星子 唾手一把玩 SO MUCH.

Verse 2

两分与桥 歇脚南北行船 Two parts to the bridge where travellers on foot and by boat from the north and south can rest,

欣然八方风物 闲话半日茶碗 delighted by the scenery all around, idly chatting half the day away over bowls of tea.

三分典流水 润色枯瘦石山 Three parts for the running water, moistening the gaunt stone mountains

又将天地一展 伸手 试浓淡 and again spreading heaven and earth wide, reaching out to test the viscosity (of the water).

It took a few listens, but in the end I really enjoyed the aesthetics here. And again, this verse is quite straight to the point albeit with two things I cannot understand.

The first point of confusion for me is why the lyricist chose to use 桥 | qiáo, a bridge as the place for people to rest on their journeys. I assumed here that this in reference to a pier or dock, assumed also that he is donating funds for this structure to be built or repaired. However, if that were the case 坞 | wù would have been enough - 船坞 was supposedly invented only in the Song Dynasty though, so maybe that’s why another word was chosen. But it’s not like there is any incidence of 桥 being used to mean ‘dock’ either!

The second thing that confuses me is the use of 典 for 流水. In verse one, that 典 was referring to the poetry works sold to reserve the venue for a banquet. That usage was apt. Here I suspect it might be for parallel structure, because there is no alternative reading for 典 that might allow one to use their 30% 三分 to do anything to flowing water 流水. That’s the literal reading, of course.

If we’re taking this a little less literally, it can be interpreted as borrowing the scenery (figuratively, since the place would not belong to anyone in the way you might own a property) to admire. It also expands on the second line’s mention of the surrounding view 欣然八方风物; there is running water which completes 润色 and brings the appearance of the gaunt and rocky mountains 枯瘦石山 closer to perfection.

润色 | rùn sè means to polish, to bring to greater heights. When you say something has been 润色 it is made more brilliant and closer to perfection by that addition. It can also mean moisten.

We always hear ‘rivers and mountains like a painting’ 江山如画 - originating from Su Dongpo’s《念奴娇·赤壁怀古》- used when the scenery is wonderful, because how often is real life as ideal as what we can imagine and depict? And that is exactly what is described here. The feeling out if the ‘water’ is concentrated or diluted 试浓淡 is used in answer to 一展 unfurling. 浓淡 of ink to 一展 of painting scroll. The land and sky seem like an ink wash painting, so beautiful that the viewer cannot help but reach out to run their hand through the water.

Chorus

Chorus Part 1

若趁游兴直到酣 If we take advantage of our wanderlust and go roaming till it is sated,

千字文章不值钱 classics and essays shan’t be worth a coin.

诗换花 词换雪 A poem for a flower! A song for snow!

再作檄文斗天官 Another denunciation for those heavenly officials!

Starting off with three new terms for me: 游兴 | yóu xìng means enthusiasm for travel. 酣 | hān can mean having a great time drinking, or being very satisfied and satiated. 檄文 | xí wén is a type of official document written for important announcements, declaration of war, or denunciation and condemnation of certain people or actions.

While I still feel this need to go out to see the world, I shall keep on the road until I am satisfied. Who cares about writing, who cares for study, it’s all worthless to me. I do what I want. And what I want is to write a little poem in exchange for a flower, some lyrics for a flake of snow. I’ll even write a denunciation against those officials in heaven (immortals). Fight me!!!!

I point again at Verse 1 with climbing the tower to play with stars. It’s no longer just playing nearby, now he wants a go at the gods.

Among the four parts of the chorus, this one is the simplest for sure. The lines mean exactly what is said. It also feels the most chaotic and mischievous. Is the speaker drunk? Is he high on something? One thing’s for sure. He’s out of money.

Chorus Part 2

何愁不得一样我 Why feel troubled that (I) cannot have another just like me?

知交尽向话中添 for one who understands you and is understood, look entirely towards stories to fill that place

唐解元 嵇中散 people like Tang Bohu (first in provincial examinations) and proud, upright and stubborn Ji Kang

且驰大梦任疯癫 Just chase that great dream, allow yourself to go mad.

I feel like the first two lines are quite straightforward, though they might not appear so on first reading: How could there be a need to feel sad or troubled that I have no like-minded equal. To find a true friend who understands you without need for words, and whom you understand in return, all you need to do is turn to those tales and stories 话中 for people to fill 添 that place.

唐解元 - People like Tang Yin, courtesy name: Bohu 唐寅, 字伯虎 (1470–1524 AD), noted painter, calligrapher and poet of the Ming Dynasty. Tang Yin led a life full of ups and downs that really cannot be covered in a paragraph’s worth of song translation notes. You can check out his wiki page if you’re curious though! There’s a little more on him where I cover the last line of this section. He is addressed as 解元 | jiè yuán here which is the term for the top scorer of the provincial examinations (second stage in the Imperial examination ladder). It is also an honorific for scholars. Tang Bohu is both.

嵇中散 - People like Ji Kang, courtesy name: Shuye 嵇康, 字叔夜, (223–262 AD), one of the Seven Sages of the Bamboo Grove - a group of friends who wisely kept themselves aloof from the dangerous politics of the Court, and devoted themselves to art, refinement and debate, of the Three Kingdoms period. He was a Daoist philosopher, musician, writer and poet.  

An accomplished musician, the qin composition 廣凌散 | guǎnglíng sàn is attributed to Ji Kang, though some versions of the story claim he learned it from a ghost while stopping at a pavillion on his way home. 嵇中散 was one of the names he was known by because of his appointment to the position of Attendant Counsellor, 中散大夫 | zhōng sàn dàfū, a civil official unspecified duties in the court of Cao Wei.

When Ji Kang was sentenced to death for his attempt to testify for a wrongly accused friend, three thousand scholars petitioned for his pardon to no avail. It’s said that at the execution ground, while they waited for the appointed hour, he had his favourite qin brought out and played a brilliant interpretation of Guanglin San that is now forever lost.

Do go read about them both if you have the time!

I would like to point out for the last line that 任 is to allow, to indulge, and it’s just such a heady sensation to say 任疯癫 - indulge in the madness! throw yourself in and don’t look back!

There is an easter egg here too. A nod to a poem by Tang Yin which can be read as his stance on his lifestyle choice after the alleged accusations of bribery in the final step of the Imperial examinations left him disgraced, and unable to pursue a civil career. Thematically the line does not call back to the poem at all, similarities end with the choice of words: chasing the dream 驰大梦 and indulging madness 任疯癫.  I leave an excerpt below. Translation again by me.

《桃花庵歌》- Song of a Plum Blossom Cottage // 若将花酒比车马 | if tawdriness and wine were compared against fine carriage and steed 他得驱驰我得闲 | he would have to drive and work hard for speed whilst I have my idle rest 别人笑我太疯癫 | others mock me for my madness 我笑他人看不穿 | i am amused for they do not perceive 不见五陵豪杰墓 | can’t you see that at the Emperors’ mausoleums and heroes’ graves 无花无酒锄做田 | there are no flowers, no wine, only land ploughed for farming

The second part of the chorus isn’t related to the first, but it has the same theme of showcasing the untamable (unhinged xD) spirit of the speaker. This time, the people he admires ‘intellectual equals’ and kindred spirits are featured, the 任性 feeling here has been pushed to greater heights.

Chorus Part 3

敢夸洒落何须酒 If one dares to boast of carefreeness, why, they hardly need wine.

不煮黄粱也称仙 Even without brewing millet they would still be called Immortal.

镜湖桌 白梅盏 The tables in the mirror-like lake, white plum blossoms in the cups,

等来春风恰开宴 await the spring breeze which arrives just in time for the feast to start!

Li Bai is regarded as both the god of poetry 诗仙 and god of drunkards wine 酒仙 because he wrote some of his greatest poems while drinking. The first two lines seem to be gently poking fun at that. Like hey, if you dare to claim to be all groovy, surely you have no need for alcohol? Just like how an immortal would still be an immortal without wine, your writing talent should not need any stimulants. This would be the time to mention that 黄粱 | huáng liáng is also known as millet, a type of grain that can be used to brew wine.

洒落 | sǎ luò has a few meanings, like shower down or blame, but the relevant one here would be 洒脱 generous, uninhibited and open. For me it feels similar to 风流 in that there is that ‘free, and exhilaratingly unrestrained’ element. 洒落 is in the most positive sense, being always open to having a good time, but without that dissolute or vaguely whirlwind-romance like connotation of 风流.

It feels like the intensity is letting up a little here - this is a light-hearted and frivolous song all the way through, but the words 洒落, 称仙 and imagery of a clear lake, white plum blossoms and the crisp spring breeze are grounding and sweet. Spirited in a different way from before.

Chorus Part 4

四角天地也醺然 The four corners and heaven and earth are also tipsy,

醉极自有桃李搀 when I’ve overindulged, my students will be there to help.

快意只 笔下讨 Gratification can only be claimed from beneath the brush;

何必诗债换酒钱 is falling into poetry debt worth that money for drink?

New words: 醺然 | xūn rán just means drunk. A new word for me though! 桃李 | táo lǐ is literally peach 桃 and plum 李 (李花, also known as 玉梅) flowers, and is a metaphor for students. The term originates from a story in 《韩诗外传》which was set in the Wei Kingdom of the Spring and Autumn period (771 to 476 BCE). There was once a highly ranked official who was sacked from his post and left for the north. He met another gentleman and remarked that the people he helped before did not lift a finger when he was in need. This person replied that, if someone were to plant peach and plum trees in spring, he could relax under their shade in the Summer and taste their fruit in the Autumn. But if that person were to plant weeds, nothing can be done with their leaves in Spring and there would only be burrs to hurt himself on in Autumn. Clearly the people the unfortunate gentlemen had helped before were not worth his effort. Students ought to be carefully selected and carefully cultivated as one would a tree.

Reading the four corners and heaven and earth 四角天地 are also tipsy 也醺然, I imagine the world sort of spinning around the speaker because he is drunk. But that’s okay, because his students (or the trees xD) will be there to support him.

快意 | kuài yì is the feeling of sudden relaxation, and then lightheartedness and joy. In this line, I felt like the intention would be closer to 畅快，爽快 and so chose gratification, because really writing is like scratching an itch isn’t it? Pleasure from satisfaction of a desire. Phrasing it as 笔下讨 is so very fitting though, because 讨 can be interpreted - somewhat contradicting - as either to demand or to beg. What could be more gratifying than having squeezed out the perfect sentence or word under your figurative pen?

So so so after all that, 何必诗债换酒钱? What do you think, is alcohol worth the poetry debt? Is Mr. Poet actually drunk and about to dig himself a deeper hole of owed poems to get even MORE drunk, or has he just been thinking about it all along? :)

Thoughts

This has been such a fun adventure following our madcap big spender from the shining Chang’an to the inviting Qinhuai, shadow of great poets in tow and all. We’ve done everything from talking to the moon and seeing the sights by her light, to boating down a river, dragging fingers through the water. It was sort of like being on a backpacking tour, except with with someone contemplating opening (or perhaps regretting opening this can of worms?) poetry commissions instead of singing in the streets?

Dear reader, if you’ve reached this point of my post, thank you. I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do now!

[wolfhertz]

30 Questions Quiz!!!

I think this is the first time I’ve ever done something like this, but I was tagged by @katninjagirl97​ and it looks like fun. Why not?

Name: Jillian...or Jill...or really anything of that variation. Hell, I’ll even answer to “hey you”. Though online I mostly go by “Wolf” or “Wolfheart”.

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Virgo

Height: Like...5′2, 5′3. I did not inherit the gift of height like my siblings did.

Time: 2:50 am

Birthday: September 18th

Favorite Bands: Gosh that’s a hard question to answer....Does Broadway count? Most of my music is from musicals, movies, video games, etc. not gonna lie. If not, The Crane Wives are a recent find of mine that I absolutely love. Same with Hidden Citizens (very good for that intense, cinematic music).

Favorite Solo Artists: Tommee Profitt (also that sort of intense, cinematic, movie trailer-esque music, though a bit more orchestral) also, Karliene (she sings a lot of folk music and things like that. Definitely recommend looking her stuff up on Youtube 10/10).

Song Stuck In My Head: “Running with the Wolves” by AURORA (specifically the version from Wolfwalkers, which I haven’t watched yet but REALLY want to) It’s been in my head since I found it a few weeks ago, I swear.

Last Movie: Hmmm...I mean...I’m watching Troy (2004) as I write this for my Greek History class. Not finished yet tho. It’s kinda meh, but it’s mandatory.

Last Show: Gosh I haven’t sat down and watched an actual TV show in so long....This is gonna sound nerdy as hell, but my family and I watch Jeopardy during dinner most nights. Does that count???

When Did I Create This Blog: Late 2019, if I’m not mistaken. December or November, I think.

What Do I Post: My own art (which I haven’t done in MONTHS...Art block mixed with school is a deadly combo), other peoples’ lovely art and writing, and pretty much anything I find interesting, important, or funny. I also kinda use it to archive stuff I like in general, like drawing refs and tips.

Last Thing I Googled: “How long did it take to send a letter from Europe to North America in the 1700s?”....I’m a history nerd, this shouldn’t be surprising. The thought just randomly struck me and I was curious. The answer is roughly 2-3 months, if you’re wondering.

Other Blogs: Nah, just this one.

Do I Get Asks: The odd time, but mostly only when I do prompts or art challenges.

Why I Chose This URL: Oh god....It’s the same as my DeviantART, and I created it when I was 11 or 12 during my Warriors phase. Don’t judge me. We all had one and some people still like it and there’s no shame in that. Though I have been thinking of changing it to something slightly different lately. Hmm....

Following: 124. They’re mostly other artists, fashion (both modern & historical), themed art blogs (tutorials, sci-fi, etc.), and just some funny ones (like...I follow one blog that specifically only posts funny medieval manuscript drawings of animals soooo....).

Followers: 283. I don’t know many of you guys, but I appreciate y’all very much!!!! ❤

Average Hours Of Sleep: Can be anywhere between 5 and 9. My sleep schedule is kinda a mess...

Lucky Number: 3 or 4

Instruments: I used to be able to play the flute, but I haven’t in years.

What I’m Wearing: A tank-top and jean shorts...Because you know, that’s a totally reasonable thing to wear in the middle of winter in Canada.

Dream Job: Hmm...Probably anything revolving around history or art. I’d love to teach history tbh, as a teacher or prof. idk yet. I used to want to be a Concept Artist, which is still definitely something I’d be open to!

Dream Trip: I’d love to do a tour of western Europe tbh. Like, England, Ireland, Scotland, etc. See all those old castles and everything. 😍

Favorite Food: Pretty much any seafood. Especially fish or shrimp. Love that stuff. Or any breakfast food really. I love that stuff.

Nationality: Canadian 🍁

Favorite Song: THAT’S EVEN HARDER TO ANSWER THAN THE FIRST MUSIC QUESTION....It changes depending on the day...If I had to say right now??? “Jenny of Oldstones” by Florence + the Machine (I haven’t watched Game of Thrones yet, but I really want to). It gives off good and sad vibes at the same time, idk how.

Last Book I Read: Hmm....I haven’t finished a book in a while, but I’ve been working my way through Assassin’s Creed: Forsaken by Oliver Bowden the past few months. Very good so far! But also very sad. Why do I always get attached to asshole characters with sad backstories that make me wanna cry???

Top Three Fictional Universes I’d Like To Live In: Oooooh....Marvel is definitely one (get me some cool superpowers or magic, ya know?). Hmm....maybe something like Harry Potter (screw J.K Rowling tho, I just want magic powers). Aaaannd...maybe Skyrim? That could be cool!!! Ride around on dragons and shit, become badass warrior or mage, be a werewolf or vampire, so many options!!!

As for someone to tag....oof...Imma be honest I don’t know many people on this site. 😅 Maybe @bayheart​ if she’s feeling up to it since we’ve been chatting lately! No pressure though. 😄 And also anyone who would like to do it!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #289

“life by life / waste to waste / i’m the harbinger, the master of decay”

How often do you watch the news? Never. Would you rather read the news online? Yeah. Speaking of being online, what website do you visit the most? YouTube. Have you ever held a snake? Plenty. Ever caught a turtle? What about a crawfish? Turtles, yes, as a kid. Please do not take animals out of the wild for no good reason, people. I never touched crawfish because they looked scary lmao. Have you ever eaten gumbo? Idk what that is. Or do you not like spicy food? I enjoy spicy food, but not nearly as much as when I was a teen. Back then, I loved the adrenaline rush, now I just wanna enjoy my food like a normal person, lol. Do you own a bottle of hand sanitizer? Do you like how it smells? Does anyone NOT at this time? Or even before, really? But anyway, no, I don't like the smell. Do you own a pool table? What about an air hockey table? Or a foosball table? Okay so one of the coolest things we had when I was younger was this table that had different "tops" to change out to turn it into various games like these. Like, it was all in one. I don't THINK we still have it? Do you live with your parents? Are you cool with that? I live with my mom, and right now, it's the better idea for many reasons. I feel like shit about it, though. I'm nearly 25. Even if I was financially independent though, I would not be able to handle living all alone with my depression and all. When did/when do you want to move out? Hopefully when I have a stable job and long-term relationship. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Are you better at catching or throwing? Probably throwing. I can't catch for shit. Do you ever play computer games? Just WoW nowadays. Did you used to have a lunchbox? Yeah, I went through a few. How often do you/did you bring your lunch to school? Whenever I didn't like what was on the menu. And mind you, I was and still am very picky. What was/is your favorite school lunch? I think the chicken sandwiches. When was the last time you wore a hat? What kind of hat was it? Oh yikes, who on Earth knows. It has to have been years. Maybe a Carolina Hurricanes one to a hockey game I went to with Dad. I don't really wear hats. Have you ever tried to ghost hunt? If so, did you catch anything? No. Do you prefer gold or silver? What about diamonds or pearls? Earrings or bracelets? Necklace or rings? Or are you not a jewelry person? Gold; diamonds; earrings; rings (I think). I don't care all that much about jewelry, though. Have you ever made jewelry? Not really, just kiddy crafts stuff. Do you have any unique hobbies? Meerkat RP. Have you ever broken a window? If so, what with? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever had surgery? If so, what on? Yeah. I had tubes put in my ears as a kid, and I had a cyst removed from... directly above my ass lmaoooo. Pilonidal cysts are awesome. Do you know any boys named Ashley or Lesley or Lynn? I don't believe so. Do you prefer coffee or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate, for sure. Do you like green tea? Tea is gross. Do you like to play Freecell? What about Hearts? Or Mahjong? I only know Mahjong, and I've never played that. I used to watch Mom play it on the computer as a kid, though. Idr the rules. Does your family own guns? No. Have you ever been given flowers? Were they from a relative or someone special? Both. Have you ever ridden on a motorcycle? No, and I doubt I will. I'm not like... really scared of them, as a matter of fact they seem really fun, they're just too risky for my liking. Have you ever seen a dead body? At an open-casket wake, yes. What does your umbrella look like? It's just an ordinary black one. Is anyone you know pregnant? HOLY FUCK, I think 90% of my Facebook friends are preggo. It seems like EVERYONE is expecting. Ha, one of my closest friends is legit pregnant with triplets after JUST having a son... She's in for a ride. Does your family do reunion gatherings? No, we're too spread out. What would you order to drink if you were in a bar right now? A strawberry sangria sounds pretty great. When was the last time you had a first kiss? I'm guessing you mean like, my first kiss with the last person I was with? A few summers ago when we were out on the porch making s'mores and dancing like some cheesy fucks lmao. How many homes have you ever lived in? If you don't count the apartment I wasn't an official resident of or staying with a friend for a month due to homelessness, we just moved into our fifth. Or sixth. It's too early when I'm taking this for math. Have you ever donated money to charity? Yeah. What’s your favourite type of exercise? Swimming. How many jobs have you had? Three or four... I'm not even sure because they were so incredibly short because fuck me and my anxiety, right? Who do you stalk the most through Facebook? Nobody. Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? No. Write the first song that pops into your head: Well, I'm listening to "Freak On a Leash" right now. Has anything interesting come for you in the mail lately, besides bills? Nah. What is your main responsibility each day? Making sure my cat has food, water, and a clean litterbox. Do you feel like you fulfill those responsibilities? Yeah. I've slacked on the box before on bad mental health days where I can barely force myself to do anything, but I'm usually on top of it. Were you in the wrong during your last argument with someone? I don't recall what my last argument was. I think something w/ Mom. What bands did you used to love, that you don’t listen to much anymore? Hm. It's pretty rare I leave behind bands I've LOVED, so. Are you counting down to anything? tomorrow crihmus When was the last time you used spray paint? Oh, I have no idea. Maybe for an art project in HS? What color are the chairs at your kitchen table? Brown. Have you ever or do you plan on donating to any charities? Which ones? I've donated to some you would like pass by in the store if I had some spare coins or dollars on me, and when I cut my hair to as short as it is now, I donated it all to Children With Hair Loss. One of my most cherished memories is getting the certificate that it was used. I'm sure there's more, especially for school, but idr them. I 110% want to donate to charity streams when I have my own income source. Do you believe that life only gets harder or easier? I mean, this depends on your unique life. Do you know the middle name of the last person you kissed? Hm. I don't think Girt has a middle name, and I don't think Tyler ever told me because he was embarrassed by it. I know Sara's. Have you ever had sex with 2 different people in the same week? No. Who is the friendliest person you know? Probably my friend Girt. Last song you listened to? "Milk and Cookies" by Melanie Martinez is on rn. Something that annoys you about summer: Just ONE thing???? Just about everything does. The only thing I enjoy is all the flowers. Well hell, that's even mostly a spring thing. It's mostly just... plain green in the summer. At least here. Too hot for damn flowers to survive. Something that annoys you about winter: The fact that if it snows here, we get barely anything at all. e_e Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? Side by side. When was the last time you burned a body part other than your hands/fingers? I actually just burned the roof of my mouth yesterday. If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? Nope. What’s one food that you eat more than twice a week? Definitely some form of bread. Do you like zombie movies? No opinion, really. What's the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom? UGH. This one time I was in the bathroom with Colleen (it's a girl thing lmao) at a gas station, she did what she normally does and checks under the seat, aND IT WAS COVERED IN BLOOD. It was fucking disgusting. What’s the most wasteful thing you regularly do? Ugh... use plastic bags when disposing of Roman's "business" in the litterbox. I feel absolutely awful using one every other day. If I wait any longer than that, Mom gets mad. What’s the most difficult apology you’ve ever had to give? Probably to Jason via that letter. That honestly wasn't that difficult after having fully accepted I fucked up too, though. I don't generally find it hard to apologize when I know I was wrong. Have you ever volunteered in a hospital? If not, would you ever want to? Fuck no. They depress the hell out of me. What was your worst Halloween costume? Idk, I don't remember almost any of mine. When was the first time you can remember feeling mature? When I checked into the doctor by myself. Yes, I know how sad that is at nearly 25. Have you ever had a disappointing Christmas, or any disappointing holiday if you don’t celebrate Christmas? As a kid, there was just one where I was disappointed in what I got. SO fucking ungrateful looking back on that shit. I can't even imagine feeling anything like that now. I cherish Christmas deeply, especially now with nieces and a nephew who experience such joy at Christmastime, and I get to see my dad and his wife and stepson, too. At this age, it truly is about family to me. Do you have any character bandaids in your house right now, or just plain ones? I think we may have some princess ones and some "boy" kind for if the kids are ever over. AKA never because their dad is far more concerned about only including his family in their lives. I don't think Ryder's ever even visited our house, and he's like, four years old. My sister's husband's parents live directly down their road, but still. It hurts Mom and I a lot that we don't seem to matter when it comes to visiting *us*. Have you ever had to give a pet away? Yeah, plenty of times with our old cat nest. What's the junkiest junk food you’ve ever eaten? I dunno, probably something at Disney as a kid. Did you play pretend a lot as a child? Were there any recurring plots or themes? Yeah. I had my "good guys" - a family of alligators, deer (um they were married and had kids don't ask me, man), and some Pokemon figurines - and three big dinos that were the "bad guys." How do you feel about runny egg yolks? Egg yolk is fucking repulsive. The one and only way it's going down my throat is in scrambled eggs. Has a teacher ever tried to teach you something that was undeniably wrong? Not that I remember. If for some reason you had to give up one of your hobbies, which would you choose? I dunno, I have so few already... Maybe World of Warcraft? I almost quit it recently anyway because I was bored and yet it took up so much of my time, but it'd be hard now with a new expansion having just come out with soooo much to do. Man... I dunno. Have you ever hidden a relationship from your family? No. How much do you know about first aid? No more than the average joe, really. Which of your relatives do you know the least about? Sadly, probably my dad's oldest daughter. I know only two things about her with certainty. Have you ever meditated? If so, did it do anything for you? Yes, and all it does is make me fidgety and lets me think too much. When was the last time you got ice cream from a truck? Hm... maybe when I was at a beach when I was on vacation with a friend? I was like, a pre-teen then though, so it's been forever. Do you know any sex workers? If so, how do they feel about their job? Not that I'm aware of. And honestly, I have mixed feelings, but I think I lean more towards it being just fine so long as boundaries are set and there are very clear understandings with each other. And you ABSOLUTELY need to be safe about it. I'd far rather people get off with a consenting individual than in... y'know, other ways. It's not my business, anyway. What’s the biggest art project you’ve ever attempted? How did it go? In high school, I did a huge acrylic painting on burlap of meerkats grooming. I am to this day still so proud of it; I worked so hard on it. I love how the fur came out, especially. I do wish I could do over the background, though. What kind of wild animals do you see most frequently where you live? Excluding the obvious birds, there are tons of squirrels, and you see opossum and racoon roadkill a lot, tragically... Every now and then, you'll see deer in fields in the morning or dusk. Have you ever cooked anything other than s’mores over a fire? Yeah, hot dog.s Are there any items in your house that you use for something other than its intended purpose? I'm positive there's something. Probably everyone has an example. OH! Looking in just my room, Venus' terrarium has saran wrap covering the top to help keep humidity in. What do you hope the afterlife is like? Really, I go back and forth between hoping it's like... this state of nirvana and where you reunite with loved ones and experience infinite peace if deserved, or just the entire lack of existence anymore. I wonder sometimes if I'd want to be sentient forever. But, with me believing in a spirit realm, I don't think the latter is the case. What’s the worst behavior you’ve ever seen from a child? I think I once saw a kid smack their parent's arm or something? I don't really know. Have you ever planned an act of revenge? "No, but i daydream about it." <<<< Ha, yeah, I have. Do you and your parents share any of the same hobbies? Yeah. Mom surprised me when she told me she likes writing (even though I never see her do it), and Dad likes video games. Do you have any physical photo albums? Yes. Would you feel comfortable working at a sex shop? NOPE. Who was the worst friend you ever had? It's funny, Colleen did incredible things for me, but she also fits this description, too... Have you ever campaigned for a political candidate, or otherwise played an active role in an election? I mean, I voted, does that count? What’s the coolest hand-me-down you’ve ever gotten? What about the best one you’ve ever given? I have no idea. Do your parents and grandparents get along with each other? Dad got along perfectly fine with his parents, but my mom and her mother had a rocky history. Grammy treated her awfully sometimes. They'd been fine for many, many years, but Mom could never forget some things and always felt like she wasn't "good enough" in her eyes. I'm pretty sure Mom got along just fine with her dad. Do you have any framed photos of your pet(s)? Yes. Do you share photos of your pet(s) on social media? Um, duh. In 3 words, describe the last male you talked to. Who WAS the last guy I talked to... Do you own any of your favorite films on DVD? Which one(s)? No. Have you watched anything on Netflix lately? No. The last thing I did on Netflix was watch the first episode of The Witcher, and even though I liked it, I didn't continue. I just... don't enjoy watching TV, especially if it really requires you to pay attention. Have you ever heard someone snoring and thought it sounded cute? Besides animals, no. Are you particular about what you eat? In what way(s)? Yeah, I'm VERY picky, especially with textures. Is anyone close to you particular about what they eat? In what way(s)? Yes, my niece. She's autistic and has the symptom of being incredibly picky with things like textures, too. She is the one child I have ever known that doesn't really like eating. Is there someone in your life who can always make you smile? Always, no. Have you worn lipstick at any time recently? What color? No. I last wore black forever ago just to take pictures. Do you like wearing eyeshadow to match the color of your clothes? No; in the very rare instance I put on makeup, the eyeshadow is always black. What song reminds you of your childhood? Jesse McCartney songs, for sure. And Backstreet Boys. What’s your least favorite month? Maybe August. I'm sick and beyond tired of summer by that point. Nothing exciting going on. What do you do when you’re bored in class and not paying attention to the teacher? When I was in school, I honestly always paid attention because I wanted to pass. Have you ever baked a pie? No. Last person you shared food with? Mom. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Definitely not. Were you smiling in the last picture taken of you? I don't think so, if that witchy photoshoot was the last time I had a pic taken of me. Do you answer the phones at your job? I did at two old jobs. Were you a hyper or mellow kid? I was kinda hyper. What are you drinking? Would you believe me if I answered "water"????? Did you get any compliments today? No. What last made you laugh? I think a moment in a WoW stream I was watching last night. Which of your friends is the easiest to talk to? Sara. What was your best summer ever? /shrug Do you have a favourite sibling? No. What color is the blanket/quilt on your bed? Navy and black. Favorite milkshake flavour? Just chocolate. Sometimes I'm in the mood for vanilla, though. Best year of your life? 2017. It's funny how that year started with a suicide attempt but wound up being the best year of my life. NEVER hestitate to reach out for help when you need it. How loud do you like your music in the car? Too loud lmao. Prefer to write or read? Write. Favourite apps? Pokemon GO, haha. What is a fruit you refuse to eat? Absolutely refuse? Maybe like, cantaloupe. Would you rather gain weight or lose weight? It'd to fuckin fantastic if I could lose 100 pounds. :^) I gained like thirty since moving... Would you rather gain height or lose height? Gain a tiny bit, I guess? But I'm fine with where I'm at. Are both your eyes the same color? Yes. Do you like glittery things? Yes, but not touching them and getting glitter everywhere. Ever watched a play in the theatre? Yes, at Disney World and also for school field trips. How many followers do you have on instagram? A depressing amount for someone desperately trying to be a photographer lmaooo. I mean I don't post on it a lot, so that doesn't help, but yeah. My secondary photography account (for roadkill/vulture culture stuff) has more than my main one. How about twitter? Don't use it. How much would I have to pay you to get you to do karaoke? I don't know, I'd be terrified of embarrassing myself. Last time you went ice skating? Never. Painting or drawing? Drawing, by far. Art or science? Now that's tough, but art. Dancing or singing? Dancing. History or geography? Geography is interesting. Favourite season? Autumn. Do you watch Supernatural? I did up to the end of Season 6. I loved it, I just was losing interest in TV, and also Jason and I broke up (we always watched it together) so I didn't want to watch something triggering memories. If you could change your eye color would you? Yes, to either a pure sapphire blue or emerald green. Are both your ears pierced? Yes. Are you lying down? Yes. Is there a tv in your room? No. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving? Yeah. Do you like fortune cookies? Yeah, they're oddly tasty. Do you have anxiety? You fuckin bet I do. Favorite clothing shop? RebelsMarket. How do you feel about peeing in a cup at the hospital? Is it embarrassing? No? It's too normal to be embarrassing. I mean I wrap toilet paper around it so you don't actually see, y'know, but I'm not embarrassed carrying that. Do you prefer fruit or vegetables? Fruit, by a long shot. What do you hate being called? "Bee." An old best friend who did nothing but lie about her entire life called me that. What color is the last car you were in? White. Ever studied abroad? No. Ever pulled out a tooth? Yeah, when I was a kid. Three celebrity crushes? Mark Fischbach, Link Neal, Hannah Hart. Ever been married? No. Are you proud of yourself? In most ways, no. Do you like grapes? Yep. How often do you cook for your family? Never. Is anyone in your family a lawyer? My cousin is, actually. Is anyone in your family an architect? Don't think so. Own any crystals? No. Favourite thing to write with? (pen, pencil, highlighter) Pencil. Top 5 favourite alcoholic drinks? I don't know, I haven't tried enough that I actually enjoy. Would you date someone bald? Yeah. Would you date someone who doesn’t want kids? I don't want kids either, so that's the only kind of person I'd date. That's something you can't really disagree on if you plan on lasting. Do you like candles? Sure. Favorite memory with a sibling? I dunno, probably something from when we were little kids playing together.

[andrcw-archive]

i just realised i have some tagging games to catch up with, so i decided to put them all into a post so i don’t annoy y’all or clog up your feeds lmao i’m not gonna tag other people to do these cause it’s complete madness, but if ya wanna??

1. tagged by @mollyweasly​ thank you, steph 💕

challenge: describe my blog tag game!

icon: hannah kleit

content: multifandom and chaos

letter color: i dont?? know what this means

url: basically dua lipa with some pizazz lol

header: i suppose it’s a piece of art from somewhere but i have no exact idea bc im stoopid, but like?? it’s pretty and the post kept appearing on my dash and i decided to use one and fulfill my dreams of going dark theme (credits here)

blog title: it’s just... a pretty word (apparently it means “unable to think or act normally, especially because of being in love”)

2. tagged by @blisslai thanks a bunch 🥰

honey and lemon or milk and sugar // musicals or plays // lemonade or iced tea // strawberries or raspberries // winter or summer // beaches or forests // diners or cafés // unicorns or dragons // gemstones or crystals // hummingbirds or owls // fireworks or sparklers // brunch or happy hour // sweet or sour // rome or amsterdam // classic or modern art // sushi or ramen // sun or moon // polka dots or stripes // macaroons or croissants // glitter or matte // aquariums or planetariums // road trip or camping trip // colouring books or water colour // fairy lights or candles

3. tagged by @evassaetre thank youu 💐

fill this fanfiction tropes tier list out and post your image!

(this was probably the hardest thing ive ever done ngl i dont even know what some of these mean and im sure i dont want to find out lmao

4. tagged by @hugunderthestars​ thank you!!! ✨

Rules: use GIFs to show off your 5 OTPs 

i. percabeth

(the book version but this will do)

ii. stydia

iii. nooreva

iv. rue x lexi

v. crisana

5. tagged by my favourite human mutual @tidemakar​ 💞

rules: answer 17 questions and tag people

nickname: bie (a friend of mine calls me bie dandelion which actually rhymes in romanian and it’s really cute)

zodiac sign: virgo

height: 170 cm

hogwarts house: lately pottermore insisted on placing me in gryffindor but that’s wrong on many levels, so i’ll stick to the initial placement: hufflepuff (a friend of mine told me it’s valid bc she doesn’t know anyone who’s fave colour is yellow and they aren’t a hufflepuff)

last thing i googled: “decency meaning” cause i wasn’t sure i spelled it right...

song stuck in my head: “fy faen” i woke up with it playing in my head even though i don’t remember the last time i listened to it

number of followers: 817 but most of them are inactive since i’ve had this blog for 8 years lmao

amount of sleep: either 3 hours or 10, there’s no in between

lucky number: i’m not sure

dream job: i reached a point where i just want a job that will pay the bills and not make me hate myself every morning when i wake up. i’d love to work in advertising and actually use my degree, but idk if i’m made for it. in my dream world i’m a writer and i’m actually good at it lmao

wearing: a yellow sweatshirt and pink shorts cause i’m cold but allegedly it’s suMmER outside yk

favorite song: right now it’s “fireproof” by vax

favorite instrument: piano

aesthetic: i never knew how to answer this question, mostly cause i don’t think i have a defined aesthetic yikes

favorite author: i don’t even remember the last time i read something that wasn’t a post on this hellsite

favorite animal sound: cats purring

random: i’m trying really hard to focus on these things, but my dad’s watching stand up comedy shows and my mind keeps focusing on that instead

[spaceschool]

🎄That’s right! It’s time to start getting ready for Space School’s 6th annual 12 DAYS OF GUESTMAS! 🎄

It’s that time of year again! Time to start getting ready for this year’s Spacemas!

🎁 BASIC INFO:

I need to fill about 10 guest comic slots.

Comics should be 1 single page. (2 pages can be combined into one page if you wanna do more!)

Comics should be in full color.

Comics need to be X-mas/Winter themed!

I also accept illustrations– but they must have a clear narrative or dialogue! (Comics are obviously preferred.)

Tone can be humorous, serious, anything like that. As long as it’s Space School and X-mas/Winter themed all at once.

DEADLINE IS DECEMBER 13TH FOR ALL FINISHED ART!

🎁 HOW TO APPLY:

DON’T send me any completed art– instead just send your idea/pitch for what you’d like to do for said comic.

Link or attach example of your art!

Send said idea/pitch + art examples to my e-mail colinxzain@hotmail.com

Label e-mail “Space School Guest Comic Pitch”

And that’s about it! It’s pretty flexible and this is all in good fun! I would be honored if some of you applied to make a guest comic this year!

(If you applied last year, feel free to apply again this year if you’re feeling up to it. I loved all the artists I worked with last year and would love to work with ya’ll again.)

And if you wanna know more about Space School and it’s Spacemas traditions, there’s lots and lots of info under the cut!

Space School Christmas Illustrations by year:

2011

2012

2013

2014

2015

2016 (PART 2)

2017

2018

Original 12 Days of Spacemas announcement image

12 DAYS OF GUESTMAS 2014

12 DAYS OF GUESTMAS 2015

12 DAYS OF GUESTMAS 2016

12 DAYS OF GUESTMAS 2017

12 DAYS OF GUESTMAS 2018

I would love to see some of these past outfits re-created in any comics but new ones or just general winter themed outfits are fine too. Zeggy should most always be Santa though, unless joke calls for otherwise. BUT! Jokes trump everything– if it’s funny, I want it.

SPACE SCHOOL AND THE HOLIDAYS:

Because Winter-time has always been a time of hoilday-stuffs for lots of places and planets (especially those who were colonized by Earth or Nubia) Space School most often gives the whole school lots of time off in December from school-life.

All holidays are accepted to celebrated within the walls as long as everyone is being respectful of each other– as with most things in Space School. The School decorates mostly with lights and tries to stay away from leaning one way or the other. Students are allowed to decorate inside their dorms as they please, obviously.

Most students leave home to their respective planets for the holidays but some students and teachers stay at the school thru the whole month– sometimes celebrating together!

It’s an exciting and peaceful time for everyone~

Alkaline, Zeggy, and Toggy usually go home for the holidays (sometimes together) and Joe stays at the school. Sometimes Joe joins Toggy, Terrago, and Omnivera at their homes.

Dude, Maleena, and Vava either see their separate families alone or all stay together in their home near the school.

Dennis and Booker spend the holiday cooped up alone at Booker’s apartment avoiding everyone but each other.

ZEGGY AND HIS PLANET’S CULTURE:

Zeggy is canonically the most all about Christmas out of the whole group.

X-mas was an adopted holiday by Ollce when Earth colonized the planet and as such, it resembles Christmas as we known it with some key differences.

As far as the tree goes, it starts out as a sculpted pile of dirt resembling a tree or other X-mas object that is watered thru the month with various glowing mushrooms and other fun alien-glowy-bits appearing as it’s watered– so by the time Christmas rolls around the tree will have grown it’s own ornaments to light up the room!

You buy bags of seed/spores each year for the tree, these bags make great gifts and are often put in stockings!!!

Otherwise, a lot of the traditions are the same with either having different looking aesthetics. They do stockings, presents under the tree, and Santa– who instead of having a sleigh– instead rides a single giant mole (which is a creature from purple planet, I can provide reference for) and is of course, purple himself. He rides this mole– who is named Rudolf, around all the underground cities of Ollce delivering presents to all the kids.

Zeggy gets into the holiday spirit way too early and way too fast. He decorates his whole dorm room as well as wearing as much X-mas accessories as he’s allowed over his school uniform.

He’s the type of person to put everything non-Christmas away and replace it with Christmas themed things.

He absolutely spoils Alkaline with tons and tons and way too many gifts– all of which are extremely personalized.

Otherwise, he only buys presents for his parents/grandparents, Joe, Toggy, and gives cards to his teachers. Most of his efforts go towards Alkaline.

He eats a billion food, sings a billion songs, and is fucking obnoxious. It’s beautiful.

ALKALINE AND HIS TRADITIONS:

Alkaline likes Christmas just as much as everyone else and is definitely not as hype as Zeggy because who could match Zeggy’s energy, honestly. But, he definitely gets into the spirits! Enjoys the food, drink, songs, presents– etc.

Christmas on Earth is very similar to what we think of it now which some differences– many of which haven’t totally been decided upon so feel free to have some fun interpretations.

Christmas has most definitely become a non-religious holiday in most all senses on Earth. It’s more just about the aesthetics and being with family members, buying fits, eating food, etc.

Alkaline is either with Zeggy in his home on Ollce or has Zeggy over on Earth. He stays with his Mom and Sister, visiting extended family on Christmas Day for dinner.

Alkaline buys everyone he knows presents– even if it’s just something small!

I usually draw Alkaline as a reindeer because Alkaline with antlers is super cute.

JOE’S ‘CHRISTMAS’:

Christmas isn’t celebrated where Joe is from– they have other traditions. However; Christmas Day is actually Joe’s birthday– which he usually chooses to spend alone or with Dennis or Lorna (his girlfriend)– depending on the age.

As such, Joe doesn’t care too much about Christmas and see’s it more of just as “his birthday” but starts to appreciate the holiday more when Zeggy’s festive spirit invades him. And, he likes the presents.

I’m sure Zeggy and Joe have some special X-mas moments together with Zeggy trying to show Joe all about “The Christmas Spirit”!

TOGGY’S TRADITIONS:

On Nubia, they don’t really have a Christmas but rather a big celebration of a New Year like holiday where they begin the new calendar year.  Like Christmas, it’s a time to celebrate with family and loved ones.  

Typically people travel long distances to spend the two days reunited with family, and everything shuts down.  The most important part of the festivities is to tell stories about the year–letting out stress or frustration while also reliving good moments and bonding with family members.  

This is always accompanied by large amounts of alcoholic beverages, which are enjoyed by all ages.  

Oftentimes everyone gets really smashed the first day and then sleeps it off the next.   Food varies from region to region but typically includes mostly unprocessed foods such as berries and vegetables, or dried lizard or fish jerky. As the festivities mark the beginning of the new year, many Nubians will dye their hair to a different color or get a new piercing around this time. Presents aren’t really a thing on Nubia, though it is common for parents and grandparents to give their children small sums of money to encourage them to have new adventures in the new year.  

Toggy’s family is a bit more accustomed to Earth traditions though, and so he tries to buy his close friends gifts for “Christ-mass” but they are always strange and often food.

DUDE, MALEENA, VAVA:

The 3’s traditions are similar to Alkaline’s since they’re all from Earth– so not much to say there.

Dude spends a lot of time in an apron baking cookies, cakes, etc as presents for everyone he knows and Vava and Maleena definitely gain some weight this time of year.

They all get drunk a lot and laugh a lot and just have a good time together BEING A LIL FAMILY.

Dude always makes sure to exchange presents with students he’s helped thru the year; since he often takes troubled students under his wing.

DENNIS AND BOOKER:

Booker nicely decorates his apartment and spends a lot of time with Dennis on the couch eating food and talking. They frick a lot too.

It’s chill.

OMNIVERA AND TERRAGO:

As the resident “gays into roleplays”, Omnivera and Terrago do a lot of dressing up for X-mas.

There’s a lot of time Terrago will be with Toggy’s family with them– and so I’m sure Omnivera is there sometimes as well. In a billion, expensive outfits.

The two of them absolutely spoil each other and nobody else in presents– except for Toggy who they buy something for– OF COURSE.

NOTE ABOUT REX: Due to some wild stuff happening with the creator of Rex, Rex will no longer be appearing in Space School and therefore should not be appearing in any Guest Comics! Sorry!

AND PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO ADD NEW HEAD-CANONS OR INTERPRETATIONS FOR FUTURE HOLIDAYS!! REALLY, THIS STUFF IS JUST HERE TO GET YOU STARTED SO GO HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[toasttz]

How to Make Games: Gacha Games

Hey, do you wanna make more money than several member nations of the EU?! I know I sure did, so when I was 12 my sister and I set up a lemonade stand that made several times the value of Greece's GDP when you consider that negatives cancel each other out. Hey, do you want to make MEANINGFUL amounts of money and have zero moral compunctions that might inhibit your success even though the road to the top is steep and lined with unethical business practices? Well, just insert $29.99 (397.48 Canadian dollars) and I'll teach you how to make some fuckin' gacha games! Gacha games, games inspired by a terrifying Japanese tradition known as "Seppuku" where you shoot pinballs in order to undress a girl carrying a bowl of ramen - before I go any further I feel that my understanding of Japanese culture may be a little out of date, so apologies where necessary - and something else happens, blah, blah, blah, and you get some toys or some shit. When it was discovered that Android and iOS can be programmed in such a simple and fast way that typewriters and some house plants with high RAM amounts can run the code, the market soon became flooded, but not saturated, with gacha games. Why hasn't the market hit saturation point despite the fact I can't scroll further than a gnat's dick in winter's length on the Google Play Store without hitting one? Because, as the wise Chinese philanderer, Aristotle, posited, "The difference in hardcore pr0n and gacha is a string bikini and $39.99 USD, but the amount of shame is equal in both," So, the games are retardedly easy to code and the only decision you'll spend one afternoon making is if you want to spend 2 hours making it a fully-automated RPG, 5 hours to make it a complex battler with some meaningful gimmicks, or 15 minutes copying Puzzles & Dragons. These options have totally not been done to death, so feel no worry if you can't be arsed to innovate. Once you have done the easy part, the next part is to locate someone with artistic talent and ask them to draw girls. Lots and lots of girls. Unlike H-games, the theme here can be as broad or narrow or as obtuse as you want. In fact, you can use multiple themes or just do what most of these games do and just steal from history and myth and make them all girls! It literally doesn't matter how deep or nuanced your story or gameplay are if the 2D waifus are cute enough. Lots of girls are necessary - tall girls, short girls, thicc girls, lean girls, brown girls, bunny girls... just don't stop making girls. Ever. You'll be expected to actually update about every two weeks or so, but that's getting ahead of ourselves. Lastly, for each summoning banner, place four characters on them in varied, dynamic poses and outfits in the ratio of 3 girls and 1 guy. "Guys?" I hear you ask incredulously. Yes, I recently read a very scientific study that said girls sometimes use the internet now and, so, to compensate for this possible oversight, each banner needs one shirtless guy, but unlike girls, never vary their body types. Just watch a few Marvel movies for their shirtless stud scenes and copy that - that's all you'll have to do! And sometimes give them different hats, so they know they're different guys. What? Sound design? Pffft. Don't be ridiculous. Everyone's going to be playing this game at their jobs when they can't play their real game libraries, so they're just going to mute them. Those that don't will be the creepy weirdos just listening to their waifu of choice's voice actress anyway. Besides, Wendee Lee is gonna do 85% of the voices anyway. You can just skip this part. The core of any gacha game, as it was foretold in the Japanese romcom, The Art of War & Peace, by Leo Toystore, is their summoning mechanic. You need some kind of in-game currency to exchange in order to summon heroes to make up your party. Sure, you'll give the players some generic filler heroes, but they'll all be bottom-tier and Worst Waifus(TM) with no real potential for growth, but that way no one can call foul on your game design. The real draw will be summoning, so make your orbs or your gems or whatever, just be sure that they're artificially inflated like nations that no longer rely on the gold and silver standards, because just like those nations that no longer rely on the gold and silver standards your imaginary currency is backed by fucking nothing other than your insistence that, yes, 300 platinum gems totally costs $49.99, stop asking so many questions! The second-most pivotal point is that your exchange between currencies and summons is completely irrational. Anything from 5 to 150 is acceptable, just so long as it's never, ever 1:1. That would make it easy for your fans to deduce the true value of your currencies and that's literally the last thing you want. You can set aside special vouchers for people who acquire enough "Good Boy Points" by making the game a habit rather than a game in the requisite "Daily Login Bonus" category. But those are entirely secondary and should still have the same low, low rates of drawing heroes anyone gives a shit about. About once a year you can hand them 5-Star Summon Vouchers, if they have enough Good Boy Points and throw them a bone to keep them in the dopamine loop. So, once the game is on market, just rotate your banners every two weeks, usually in the pattern of "Useless, Fanservicey" Banner twice, then "Mechanically Powerful Characters" Banner once, then repeat. That way players are inclined to waste their currencies on bathing suit beauties or Valentine's Day honeys instead of the St. Patrick's Day themed Hero who has S Ranks in Strength and Defense. This will incentivize players to routinely pay up like the good little whales they're meant to be. Err, I mean... it will encourage players to contribute to your work economy, so your studio can keep the lights on... like the good little whales they're meant to be! There we go, much better. Now just slap on a campaign mode and a crap-ton of side missions - preferably one or more for each hero you make in order to pad out the game length - and then slap a Stamina Bar on top of that! Make sure they can't do more than 10 missions in a day's time at the highest possible levels, so they don't blast through your paper-thin experience and keep ponying up properly. This will also tie back into the "make the game a habit" goal we talked about earlier. Once you have enough starving artists ball-n-chained to their writer desks churning out waifus, that's pretty much it! You have a sustainable game in the same way a drug cartel overlord does! Now make another following the above and enjoy double the money, ad infinitum! Also, one last bit of writing advice: never actually finish the story. Just keep adding new 'twists' and 'complications' no matter how hackneyed they may be! If they're getting bi-weekly banners, they aren't complaining that the story only updates every financial quarter when the investors start asking questions! Bonus points for making your characters aware of the events as they come and go and reference past banners - this will add the illusion of depth to your writing and characters. Congrats! You're contributing to the blight on the Earth's surface known as cell phone games. When the aliens find us and we try to rationalize all the good we've done, yours will be one among many sins that cause us to get vaporized to make way for a cosmic-scale McDonalds. But, hey, you can't take all that shit-ton of money you'll make with you when you go anyway. You're welcome.

[luvdsc]

Hihi Cat! I've come to deliver some good news! (This is pretty long huhu ToT)

MY ERB HAS BEEN APPROVED AND I CAN PROCEED TO RECRUIT PARTICIPANTS!! Ahh it's been such a blessing to be able to proceed immediately! I've actually hit my target amount of participants in less than a day (IT'S CRAZY) but I'm gonna collect more responses cuz the more the better! (Would you wanna check the questionnaire out? I can PM you the link!! :3)

Also also I PASSED THAT FINALS! The one I took a day after my vaccination (1st dose) ToT GAHH I'm so happy I won't even ask for more, it's enough :3

I've been writing my thesis during this sem break but it's progressing pretty slowly cuz I've been so drained from last semester and the vaccine itself. Huhu but I've written a brief rundown for my proposal so there's a rough idea there, just needa rly assemble it into a clear narrative. And yes I agree! Psychology studies are a beautiful fusion of science & human essence imo, and its fascinating learning more abt ourselves and how we as the human species progress in life ya know? 😌

I got my second dose exactly a week ago and got the same side effects - headache, arm soreness, hunger, fatigue; I felt like a fusion of psyduck & snorlax HAHAHAHA 😂 - it wasn't anything serious so yay I'm fully vaccinated! (in a few weeks time keke I'll be)

HAHAHAHA my vaccination appointments were pretty eventful. The nurses and volunteers were all so warm and friendly! I'm the type of person who feels whatever's being injected into me, it's not the pain that I wanna distract myself from (it wasn't pain tbh) but that sluggish discomfort I get from the needle ejaculation >//< sooo as they showed me the vile and syringe before injecting me, I prepped my Yangyang photocard in my hand. During my second dose, the nurse thought I had some fancy way of taking a video when in actual fact I was just looking at my Yangyang photocard hehe UwU she asked me whether I wanted to see the needle going in (smtg I can't look at tbh) and I was like HELL NAH ToT

And also some recap from the previous ask!

There's no need to apologise for the delayed response okie!! UwU my sem break is ending this week, but I've spent my time completing my academic research trainee tasks (transcribing audio clips), I've also created the content & design for my uni's newsletter, did some thesis writing, and I took a course on financial planning on Coursera to prep myself for the adulting life ToT

And idm sharing my back up / failed topics! I didn't have a lot of cards in my hands, but here are some of em!

1) time perspective and meaning in life 2) anticipatory nostalgia 3) not a topic but a variable! fragility of happiness / happiness aversion

what ideas did you settle on for yr art pieces? If you dm sharing, I'd love to hear abt it! 💖💖💖

Tbh I can't think of a fav ice cream flavor hmm 🤔 i rly didn't think it'd be so hard thinking of a fav ice cream flavor but the first that comes to mind is green tea! I like them milky flavored ice cream😍 though my fav from this ice cream place I go to is thai milk tea, it's so fragrant and milky!! 🥺💖 I just got myself a tub of milk & biscoff gelato keke UwU what's yr fav ice cream flavor? :3

For my course structure:

We have 2 long sems (Jan - Apr, & Aug - Dec, 16 weeks) & a short sem (May - July, 9 weeks)! Our sem breaks are only around a month then it's back to sleepless nights ToT AND YES those weeks were the most stressful weeks ever 🥺😭 I'm glad I'm graduating soon for that reason 😂(though idk what awaits in the working world ToT that is another fear I have :/)

Thank you for being part of this journey and being open to listening to my lil adventures! 🥺🙆🏻‍♀️💖😭 esp w the amount of responses and ppl helping me, I feel a lil more motivated to work and excel in this pregnancy (thesis, I call it pregnancy cuz it's around 9 months too HEHE) Since the pandemic, it's been pretty hard separating studies & hobbies :/ I've learnt it the hard way from my period cramps last sem (mine's the severe type where you can faint ToT), and it was also on my last paper for finals !! Very traumatizing ._. but I'll continue to manage myself better! :3

Huhu Cat since you're working now, I also wanna ask abt yr experience in job seeking! Cuz unemployment is a real deal here esp. w everything that's going on :') I don't have working experience either (only had 1 through internship) and it literally feels like I'm going into the unknown ToT I've been running over some case studies and assessments just to better prep myself for this. Do you have any advice as someone who's already working? UwU

Take care and stay lovely as always!! 💖💖💖

hi, sweetpea !!!! 🌸 omg major congratulations for getting your ERB approved, honey bee !!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 that’s absolutely amazing, and I’m uber proud of you 🥺💗💗 also, it’s wonderful that you hit the required number of participants so quickly !!!!! (And I would love to participate if the questionnaire is still open 🤧)

AND HECK YEAAA CONGRATS ON PASSING THE FINAL TOO 🤩🤩🤩🤩 big congrats to you all around, miss smarty pants 💓💓💓

Oh gosh, I hope you got to rest during your semester break too ): you’re working so hard, please remember to take care of yourself !! 💕 your mental health is more important 🤍 have you finalized your proposal now? And omg yes exactly !!! It’s so interesting to see the thought process behind an action and how it can be manipulated or influenced by various stimulants or there’s also the argument between nature versus nurture too and how that affects psychology and it’s just all so cool to learn about 🤩

Omg you had so many symptoms, I’m so sorry to hear that 😭 I only had a sore arm, but that’s what happens when I get any shot 🤧 I hope you’re feeling better now 💘💘

I’m really glad to hear that the nurses and volunteers were kind and friendly !! it’s always comforting to have nice people as doctors, especially when you’re trusting them to stick a needle in you bshdjdjdkd omg yangyang to the rescue !!!! 💞💞 we’re not allowed to record record any medical appointments, like I think the nurse thought the person in front of me in line was recording when they were getting their vaccine and said they weren’t allowed to do that 😅 and aaaaa I always have to look when they inject me, I don’t like being taken by surprise 🤧

oh my gosh you were so productive over your semester break !!!! :o and oooo you do content & design for your school’s newsletter? Do you do stuff like graphic designing and write articles? 💓 and how was the financial planning course !! Did you learn a lot? Did you like the studies? :’)

aaaaa those topics sound so cool ??? 🤩🤩 I would definitely be down to read about those omg 💛

for my 3D design class, I decided to do lightbulbs and flowers as my overarching theme for my art pieces !! I included a couple pictures below under the cut at the bottom 💓 the first one is a soft sculpture made out of newspaper, and there’s a pencil next to it for size reference, the second one is made of wires that I shaped myself, and the third one is made of foam boards that I cut and assembled myself as well 💕 and I included a picture of my final painting project! it’s a triptych and I believe the size was like 18 x 24 for each one? If you click on the picture, it should be better quality!

omg I love green tea ice cream too !!!!! 🍵🍦 I like going to somi somi for their matcha and milk swirl ice cream with red bean taiyaki 💚 I only had thai milk tea ice cream once, but it was phenomenal 🤩 I wish they sold it near me too !! milk and biscoff :o I’ve never tried that flavor! I’ll have to see if it’s sold around here :’) green tea is my favorite, but I also really like everything but the... from Ben and Jerry’s !! 💛 also alcoholic ice cream.... like there’s this one kind where it was a breakfast esque type with vanilla, corn flakes, and bourbon, and it was delicious 😋

omg what 😭😭 you’re basically going to school year round with no break bahsjdjdjdkd when I was in uni, i had a month off for winter break (usually something like dec 9 - jan 9) and then mid june to mid September off, so around three months of summer vacation? Your school schedule sounds absolutely brutal 💀💀

and omg of course !!! Thank you for letting me be a part of the journey 🥺💗 bdjdjddj pregnancy omg that’s such an interesting way of seeing it :o sending you all my love and support for a successful delivery of your thesis baby 🥰🥰 oh yeah, it’s definitely been a struggle to separate everything, especially when the lines between home and workspace blur with online school or working from home. And oh my god ???? Are you okay ?? Did you go see a doctor or take any medication? I hope you’re feeling better now !! Please take care of yourself 😭

ah, I got my job through my internship, so I’m not sure how helpful I will be 😅 but during the process of interviewing for internships, there were several rounds for each company that range from a group interview, a one on one interview, video interview where they give you random questions that you have to answer on the spot (some of mine were discuss the stock market, give a sales pitch on something you’re interested in, etc), a test, etc. I think it’s different depending on the job you’re going for, but that’s what I had to do in the business field! It’s important to study and prep for all of this!! It’s like taking an verbal exam for one of your classes. And also make sure to study the company’s website and familiarize yourself with what they do/sell.

My one piece of overall advice would be about interviews! Interviews are important in which the person interviewing you is seeing if you’ll be a good fit with the company, not in terms of skill, but personality. They already know you’re qualified and have good skills - that’s how you got the interview. With the interview, they’re essentially trying to see how personable you are and if you will work well with their team. Some people are so intent on proving their skills that they kinda just rattle off all their achievements and whatnot, and it’s like... the interviewer already knows this, it’s all on the resume they reviewed when they decided to give the interview offer. Be friendly, open, maybe make a little small talk at the beginning (“hey, how are you? any weekend plans / how was your weekend?” This is what I did for all my business interviews, and I got an offer back from every one 🤧💗), make appropriate jokes / be a little funny, just show that you’d be a fun person to have in the office whom people will want on their team, but that you will also be dedicated to the job and work hard 💘

And thank you so much, honey bee!!! 💞 I hope you’re doing well and having a good week , and please take care as well 🌷🌷

[anaceinthecrowd]

Let’s get personal. 100 Questions!

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

"I'm Only Sleeping" by The Beatles

"No Exit" by Childish Gambino

"Friend" by C418

"Beauty" by Tim Minchin 

The old NBC Olympics closing credits mix by various artists

"Rey's Theme" by John Williams

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Damn! I was hoping to meet someone from another Earth. Well I guess if I have to meet someone from THIS Earth it would have to be Stephen Colbert. He seems like a super nice guy. He's also smart and hilarious.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“him.” How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere by Larry King

4: What do you think about most?

If I'm wasting my life doing what I'm doing.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

"Ask Alexa to play Valentine music. It's good and grandma will love it" from my mom.

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

With

7: What's your strangest talent?

Idk if this is a talent but I have a near-encyclopedic of all things Disney World.

8: Girls... (finish the sentence); Boys... (finish the sentence)

Boys are good but some are assholes. Girls are good but some are assholes.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Idk but I don't wanna say no just in case someone did and I just forgot xD.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Today

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I have an immense fear of missing out.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Yes

13: What's your religion?

Not religious, nor spiritual.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Going for long walks

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

The Beatles. Almost every song they ever put out was great. They became the biggest influencers on music in the last century and they did it in just a few years. Most musicians work their whole lives to have an ounce of the influence and raw talent each of them had. Plus they had an incredible effect on culture, notably helping facilitate the change that came from youth for the first time having enough money to buy what they wanted, not what they got from older people. The youth got to decide what they wanted and they wanted the Beatles. Not just the music but their fashion, art, movies and so on. 

17: What was the last lie you told?

I've never told a lie! (He says as his nose doubles in length)

18: Do you believe in karma?

I used to.

19: What does your URL mean?

It's a pun on "a face in the crowd" which is a saying about being unknown and hidden in plain sight and I felt like this applied to my experience with being asexual. Also I typed "ace" into a pun generating website.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness is fast food. My greatest strength is n/a I'm weak as hell.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

I like some famous people but I don't really have crushes on any.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Yeah but I didn't like it.

23: How do you vent your anger?

Complaining to friends (still not sure why they put up with it)

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Mistakes? XD   I used to collect snow globes but they started to brake and get green water so I stopped.

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

I'm so damn lonely I'll take anything. I wish that were a joke.

26: Are you happy with the person you've become?

I hope to be one day.

27: What's a sound you hate; sound you love?

A sound I hate is the smoke detector going off when I'm cooking and a sound I love is that sound (like I think only Disney world fans will get this) when you're out in front of test track and the cars go by on the track above. 

28: What's your biggest "what if"?

What if I'm actually the villain of my story?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

No and yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right: fan. Left: laptop.

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Pine scented candle. I love scented candles.

32: What's the worst place you have ever been to?

My middle School. It was the border between two gang territories. We'd have gun and bomb threats every day.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

I live on the east coast but I gotta go with West coast just because I've been to more of it. 

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Idk

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

To find what you live to do and do it as much as you can.

36: Define Art.

If someone makes anything and calls it art, it's art. I think that's how it works now. 

37: Do you believe in luck?

I believe I don't have it.

38: What's the weather like right now?

Sunny and in the 80s. Way too hot for winter.

39: What time is it?

9:33pm EST

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Yes and no

41: What was the last book you read?

Steve jobs by Walter Isaacson

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

I shouldn't but yeah xD

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Drew

44: What was the last film you saw?

I saw Chris Rock's new stand-up special this morning. It was really good!

45: What's the worst injury you've ever had?

I ran on the top of some bleachers, tripped, and fell all the way down, breaking my collarbone along the way. 

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

I can't remember

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

My most recent obsession has been with anything made by Donald Glover/Childish Gambino

48: What's your sexual orientation?

Ace. I mean... It's in the name.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Many

50: Do you believe in magic?

Depends on what you mean by "believe" and "magic". I like magicians xD

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Yes

52: What is your astrological sign?

Idk and I'm sick of googling it every time I'm asked about it.

53: Do you save money or spend it?

A bit of both

54: What's the last thing you purchased?

10 piece chicken nugget meal and a vanilla Coke from Wendy's.

55: Love or lust?

Love

56: In a relationship?

No. Happy Valentine's day!

57: How many relationships have you had?

0 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No

59: Where were you yesterday?

Home Depot

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

A strawberry scented candle.

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

No

62: What's your favourite animal?

Cotton-Top Tamarin

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

The Scarab Gun from Halo 2 is a pretty good secret weapon I guess. JK just be yourself. 

64: Where is your best friend?

Oregon

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

As of writing this I don't follow anyone yet so let me get back to you on that.

66: What is your heritage?

A little bit of native American but primarily white eruopean as far back in history as you can go.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Sleeping

68: What do you think is Satan's last name?

Trump

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

I'm not answering that question.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Idk.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

Honestly this question is so fucking depressing I'm skipping it.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

What is love without trust?

74: What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

(Once again only people who've been to Disney World will get it) the music at Soarin' (over California (it's just better)) 

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

Like I'm gonna put my phone number on here. Ha.

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

For me... Having one would be just fantastic.

77: How can I win your heart?

Tell me something I Don't know. I love learning.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

I'm not sure it brings on more creativity, but any change in mental state in a creative person will bring on a different kind of creativity.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Picking the high school I went to.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

10.5

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

I want it to be blank just to fuck with people.

82: What is your favourite word?

Actually...

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Barracuda

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

Here's the thing...

85: What's the last song you listened to?

"Me and your mama" by Childish Gambino

86: Basic question; what's your favourite colour/colours?

Black, silver and light blue are a few favorites.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

Artists rendering of Epcot.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Satan Trump. #callback #comedy

89: What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

When my family asks me why I don't have a girlfriend yet I'm always afraid to come out and tell the truth to them... That I'm asexual and have no interest in dating anyone except another ace, and because of the rarity of aces its really difficult to find someone. I have no interest in coming out though. It wouldn't change anything.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Laugh my head off because I'm obviously being punk'd. Where's Ashton?!?

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

I mean the obvious superpower I now have is the ability to digest radioactive material. But if I could have any power I'd want to be able to travel through space and time.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

See now this is why that superpower would come in handy! You wouldn't have to choose! (See how I dodged that question. That's my real superpower!)

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Idk but if I could live my life just as it happened but without being overweight, that would be great.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

If I say John Lennon will it bring him back to life? Cause if so then yes, John Lennon. Final answer.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

My mind says south Korea because the Olympics but my heart says to go to Oregon to see my friends.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not that I know of.

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Yes

98: Ever been on a plane?

Many

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

"Can't we all just get along?"

100. Age?

21

101. What’s a good way to spend a Valentine’s Day when you’re single, lonely and bored?

This. 

[askthenewhopespeak]

fault

//Appologizes if this is a mess, turning discord rp to posts is harder then it should be,

“Miraz-san, stop by on your way out of class, please.” Naomi said, looking at the archer.

Damian perks up slightly at his teacher calling him, frowning slightly. He packs his things and waits for everyone to leave. When everyone does, she looks at him. “I have a question to you and I want you to answer me. How much did you sleep, lately?”

“I’ve slept fine.” He replies avoiding eye contact. “The school year just got busy is all.”

“…I am more qualified than anyone else in this school to notice people working way beyond their limits, did you know that?”

“What are you talking about?” He frowns.

“…What are you doing in the afternoons?”

“Practicing with Miss Pekoyama or Coach Nekomaru. On days I’m not I study.”

“…And no interaction with your classmates?”

“Not in the past few days, maybe a bit longer.” He mutters, holding his arm.

“I was worried about this. Why aren’t you?”

“I just want to catch up on things I’ve been slacking on since…you know.”

“Four months ago?”

Damian flinches slightly, caught in his lie but refusing to tell why he’s doing so.

“It’s not healthy for you, Miraz-san. You need social interaction.”

“I can talk to my friends anytime.” His eyes narrow stubbornly. “And I’ve taken care of myself just fine.”

“I’m just trying to stop you from repeating mistakes other people did! You can’t. No one can. We are all worried for you, kid. And I have permission from Komaru and Makoto to do whatever I think is right in those circumstances.”

“I said I’m fine!” He snaps, finally looking up at her. Bags are evident under his eyes. “I’m going to get strong for everyone one way or the other.”

There is a knock on the door, and Naomi smiles. “I think you two would get along great, then.” She said. “Come on in, Sora!” Sora stepps into the room. “You called me, Mom?”

Damian turns his head slightly to glance at Sora. “…”

“Yes. You needs more human contact” She points on the boy, “and you,” and then on the girl “are my daughter and I can tell you what to do, so you two are free to do whatever you want as long  you stay together for the next few hours. Think on it as detention.” Sora rolled her eyes, but besides it didn’t respond. She was used to those things from her mother, and it wasn’t the first time she was used as a tool to help someone… though less then she grew up and stopped being cute little girl.

Damian looks at Naomi with irritation before nodding. “Fine…”

“I’m not that awful, I swear.” Sora said. “Come on, uncle Damian. You can teach me to shoot.” Her uncle back home always refused, because there was the constant fear of MI raiding the school… which was fair, but still. She wanted to learn,even if she’ll ever use KK as her main weapon.

“Just come on for now.” Damian does his best to ignore her as he walks down to the library. “Today isn’t a training day.”

She follows him, dancing in her place. “Mom means good, you know. Or, well… She means well, anyways. She is trying to help.”

“Mhm.” He mumbles in reply as they step into the library.

“You are being mean.” She said. “This seems a common theme here. Did all of the cool adults I know started as such meanies? And what are we studying?”

“Chemistry and Physics.” He replies, pulling out his school schedule for her to see. “Exams are coming up soon, so I’m starting with my sciences.”

“I know a bit Chem.. Can’t you at least start with subjects I actually study?”

“Which ones do you have to work on?”

“Probably nothing you take, but I also can flack on my exams and no one will say a word.” She pulled her shoulders. “I just really don’t want to do science. I think I can help with math, though!”

  “I don’t need help.” He starts to reject her help but frowns. “….but since you have to be here I guess you can check my work.”

“Okay!” She agreed. “So why  am I babysitting you?”

“Pretty sure I’m older than you for one.” He replies with an amused scoff before frowning again. “As for why you’re ‘babysitting’ me, I don’t know why. I really don’t need it.”

“Well, yeah? You will have kids just few years younger than me. We babysat.” Sora pulls her shoulders. “Last time mom had me do it was, like,five years ago in my timeline. It’s been forever. What did you do she didn’t like?”

“She thinks I’m working myself too hard.” He grumbles as he begins to study.

“…She has a good reason to watch out for people like this. When are your exams?” “Before we get out on winter break. ”

  “…So you are studying too much and mom is worried? Did I get that right?”

  “Minus the studying too much because I’m not.” He denies.

  “…Who under 18 did you talk too lately? Out of class?”

  “….Jataro.” He says after a moment. “He messaged me asking if I was alright few days ago.”

  “That’s not interaction, that means he was concerned to you.” She sighed. “Now I see what mom wanted. Here, let’s do something fun.”

  “But there isn’t any time to have fun-” He begins to protest.

  “There is always time to have fun.” She declared, grabbing his hand. “Come.”

  Damian grabs his things right before he is pulled away.

  She pulls him towards the art room. “Art. I know you like it.”

  “How do you know- from the future, right.”

  “I mean… I assumed that the Hope’s Peak art teacher would enjoy art. Draw something.”

  “Art teacher?” He looks at her in disbelief. Surely he did something bigger than teach art. It was just a hobby after all!

  “Do you want me to tell you about my uncle Damian?”

  “Um, sure. Just don’t tell me too much. I remember time travel rules.” He says quickly, taking a seat. While he turns to focus on her, he can’t help but glance at the easel. He hadn’t drawn anything outside of class as of recent…even with the more frequent dreams he’s had.

  “My uncle Damian is both an art teacher and the  right hand of a yakuza clan leader. He is tall and strong, and really cool.”

  “No way.” He says laughing for just a moment. “I got tall and I join the Yakuza. I wonder how that happened with the Kuzuryuu’s…”

  “…It didn’t. You married a yakuza clan leader.”

  “What?” He looks shocked.

  “You married a yakuza clan leader and had two kids. I did babysitting on both. We all did. We have way too many cousins that can deal with weapons to be trusted with normal babysitters.”

  “Uh….wow.” He pauses, taking the information in. “How did I do that…” He thinks aloud.

  “You married aunt Yukari.” She said, confused.

  “Oh, I married Yukari. That makes sense- wait what?” He catches himself from falling off his stool he sat in.

  “Is something wrong? And why aren’t you arting… is this a verb?”

  “I…sorry, but I don’t think that will happen this time.” He turns away as his expression hardens.

  “Is something wrong?” She asked. “Did I say something wrong? Do you need a hug? I’m good at these.”

  “No, you wouldn’t know. We’ll maybe you would but- Yukari doesn’t return my feelings. That’s all.” He says bluntly before picking up tools to draw.

  “I’m sorry.” Another thing to the mental list of things she messed up. (The twins. Sophie and Hideaki, Hiro, Taka and Tsuba… and those were just the people)

  “Wasn’t your fault. Unless you spoke to her, time travel doesn’t work like that.” He says before drawing in silence for a few minutes.

  “…My version of time travel seems to work like this.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “As much as anyone could determine, us being here made a… wave in the time space something and made shit happen. For example,  the body swap thing back in February seems to be the direct cause of Akio coming.”

  “You mean a ripple in the timeline? Like Flashpoint.”

  “I don’t know this term, I’m afraid.” She said. “Is this slang?”

  “No, it was a comic event where this one guy change an event in his life and different events in the timeline changed.”

  “pretty much? I think?”

  “Mmm” He pauses his drawing, pencil on his cheek in thought. “I still don’t think it was you guys. Don’t put all the blame on yourself.”

  “Not ourselves. Me. I played with a time machine.”

  “So?”

  “My fault… But we’re not here because of me. What are you drawing?”

  “I decided to draw what you told me about the future. Without faces in case….in case of something, I don’t know what.”

  “I think I’d want to see it when you are done.” She said. “I would have drawn something, but I’ve been told I should try and stop drawing purple cats as the answer to everything.”

  “Do you want to look at what I have so far?”

  “Yes.” Sora agreed. “I wanna see it.”

  Damian scoots aside, letting her see a picture of an himself imagined a bit older alongside Yukari. “I don’t know much about you guys, or my own kids so I started with what I know.”

  She touches few things, makes some brief changes with her finger. She can see their faces so clearly.

  “How does it look?” He asks curiously.

  “Almost.” She said. “Very very close.”

  He smiles at that, though it wavers looking over at Yukari.

  Sora cuddles into him, almost automatically.

  Damian looks at Sora, surprised at her action, unused to such interactions after so long. After a moment, he turns back to his drawing letting his brush pour out his emotions and stress for the moment.

  She lets him draw, watching his brush moving.

  “Can you tell a little bit about yourself and everyone else from your time? I admit I’m curious.”

  “Of course… But you’ll have to be more specific, otherways I’d blubber and say too much.”

  He pauses, unsure how much he could really ask without consequences. “Tell me about my kids.”

  “Takuyuki and Tsubasa. I love them. Even if babysitting them is sometimes worse than babysitting Jiro.”

  “Jiro?”

  “Jiro Ootonashi… He’s Mitsi’s nephew, so he and his sister spend time around when they’re parents need a break.”

  “Right. Well…how bad is taking care of my kids?”

  “We enjoy it.. But I somehow think you all less. Especially when Jiro is visiting.  Too many kids with weapons sounds like something people would try to avoid. And Taka is going to end up being taller than me and it’s not fair.”

  He cracks a smile at that. “I’m sure it’s pretty unfair.” An unwanted yawn escapes him suddenly.

“You sound tired.” She said. “Do you want to sleep?”

  “Not now…” He rubs his eyes in an effort to get the sleep out. “I still have things to do.”

  “What kind of things?” She asked. “Surely nothing you can’t reject to get the service of the best teddy bear at school? I cuddle back!”

  “Just studying a bit more is all.” He chuckles at her offer.

  “Nope. No more studying today from you.”

  “Sora…” Damian mutters in protest.

  “What?”

  “….nevermind, I’ll rest. It’s late after all.”

  “Good.” She pulls his hand. “Do you want me to play teddy bear?”

  “You don’t have to, I’ll be fine.” He says as he cleans up everything.

  “…Please do not consider me a factor. What do you want?”

  “I’m just turning in for the night.” He tries to reassure her. “I’ll see you tomorrow alright?”

  “This is not what I asked. I asked if you want a teddy bear or not, and said that my comfort would not be a factor, meaning I don’t have to do anything.”

  “Not tonight then.” He says simply, though a part of him is reluctant to reject.

  “Alright.” The dark haired pulled her shoulders. “But sleep, okay?”

  “I will.” He nods. “I promise.”

  “Good.” She said, petting his shoulder briefly.

  “Night Sora.” Damian waves goodbye, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

  “Night.” She said, completely not stalking him on his way to his room- it’s her house she knows all the hidden corners. And by that I mean she totally stalked him all the way to his room

Damian makes it to his room, shutting the door behind him. Once he locks the door, he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding

  She pauses near the door of his room, floating there for a moment, before starting to walk towards her room.

  Turning away from the door he sits on the bed and lies back. It was nice to relax, but he still couldn’t help but feel like he was wasting time. He knew Naomi and Sora meant well, but he still couldn’t bring himself to tell them what’s going on. He wasn’t sure who to talk to at all, or if he even could, not after everything. “…I’ll just have to keep getting better.” He says to himself. “I have to make sure nothing like that happens again.”

____

  When leaves his room the next morning, Sora is sitting next to the door, reading a book.

  “Sora?” He looks startled at her presence there. “What are you doing up so early?”

  “I grew up with Kaede in the room. I can’t sleep late. How did you sleep?”

  “I slept okay.” He replies, not really wanting to talk about his dreams.

  “Alright, then.” She is closing her book, raising eyes to him.

  “…Are you just going to follow me until Miss Naomi says otherwise?”

  “Nope.” She said. “I’m going to follow you until I am sure you are not overworking yourself.

  ”….same difference.“ He sighs, slinging his bag over his shoulder and headed to the cafeteria.

  "Nope! I’m more annoying than mom!” She followed him, red skirt floats around her as she runs down the hall.

  “Not something you say out loud.” He snarks back. They arrive at the cafeteria, Damian grabbing hot chocolate, pancakes,  water and an apple.

  “Why not?” She asked, making herself coffee. “It’s the truth.”

  “Doesn’t mean you tell the world.” Damian replies before finding a seat and starting to eat.

  “Why wouldn’t I tell the world things I don’t mind anyone knowing?” She asked, confused, getting toast and sitting to the table.

  He doesn’t reply to her question- mainly because he didn’t have a good retort- and keeps eating in silence.

  She eats her toast and drinks her coffee. “Do you want me to leave you be?”

  “I’d rather not have you trailing me all day, but it doesn’t matter if you do. I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing until I prove I’m not overworking.”

  She looks at him. “Why are you not interacting with anyone, then?”

  “I’ve just been really busy…” He answers not too convincingly.

  “…Yeah, I don’t buy it. You are usually a much better liar.”

  “….I’d rather not talk about it.” He grumbles, taking a sip out of the mug he held.

  “Hmpff. It makes you feel better.”

  Looking at the time, Damian gets up and throws away his trash. “I’m headed to class, see you later probably.”

  “Okay, See ya.”

  ____

  Sora is waiting by the class door, still reading a book. It looks natural enough, so someone could think this was just where she chose to sit.

  Stepping outside, Damian immediately notices her holding back a groan. “Hey Sora…”

  “Hi.” She said, not raising eyes from her book.

  “I’m training today with Coach Nidai. You coming along?”

  “Yeah, I do.” She agreed. “Pull me up?” She gave him her hand.

  He takes it and pulls her up. “Let’s go.”

  Sora jumps on her feet, following him.

  A few minutes later Damian is out jogging the track, Nidai waiting at the finish line.

  Sora, barefooted, runs after him. She is not running on full speed, giving him distance and also because she is not sure she can catch him, so why try.

“Your pace is getting better, but you need to steady your form! Make sure you get some rest before our next session!” Nekomaru critique’s Damian before turning to leave. “Don’t stay out too long, and make sure you take a good SHIIIIIIIIIII-” The door to the school shuts before he finishes his sentence.

  Sora speeds herself, reaching Damian “See? Even he thinks you should sleep more.”

  Damian sits at a bench, taking a breather before responding. "I’m fine.”

  “…I have no idea how did it take them so long to figure you were working for Storm, you are a terrible liar.”

  “And you pry too much.” He snaps back. “I’m just trying my hardest to not let anything happen to this school again!”

  “I’m trying to make sure my family is fine!” She yells back on him. “I’m trying to make sure everyone I love will still be here for mini me, and it’s hard and I’m lost and I still want as many people as I can to be fine, and letting you kill yourself is no help!”

“I’m not going to kill myself!”

She pokes him for a moment. “You are if you continue like that.”

  He steps back catching himself. His tone gets low with anger. “Continue like what Sora? I’m just making myself stronger and smarter than I was before!”

  “There are things more important than being strong and smart.” She said. “Many other things.”

  “Like what? Please tell me, what can be better than making myself better for everyone here?”

  “Being nice and kind and spending time with your friends and let them help.” “I have to do this alone, I can’t ask for their help. I have to prove myself worth being there for them.” “…I don’t think that you need to prove anything to anyone.”

  “You don’t get it!” Damian shouts. “I have to do this, because everything that happened was my fault!”

  “…How exactly?” She is going to  slap him if he doesn’t stop and listen…

…Oh. Now she gets why everyone hates when she gets like this.

  Damian looks away, realizing what he said. “I let him in, I fell for his manipulation and by doing so other despairs were able to get into the school. I didn’t even realize who they were until Tanaka and Hiro’s deaths. We don’t even know if all if them are gone. For all we know the people who crashed Miss Naomi’s wedding with an escape pod could be more.

"Even in the attack on the school, I was helpless. Everyone else was here, defending the school and all I did was run. I’m weak Sora. I’ve been a puppet this whole time, and when the chance to cut my strings came, I didn’t take the final shot.”

  “…None of us figured them out. If someone, we- the five of us, i mean- should have, and we didn’t.” She wraps her hands around him. “You told Maverick Storm no. I don’t think you understand how strong it makes you.”

  “This is why I’m doing this….” He can’t stop himself from shaking as tears threaten to fall. “I don’t want to be toyed with again, and I want to be able to help…”

  She holds him quietly.  "You are stronger than you think you are.“

  ”…“ He doesn’t respond, closing his eyes and trying get himself to breathe.

  "You need to sleep. Do you want me to walk you to your room?”

  He nods his head, wiping his face with his sleeve.

  She grabs his hand, pressing it as they start walking. Eventually they enter his room.

  “….thanks.” He says simply as he let’s go of her hand. “For listening at least. But I think you’re wrong about me. I’m just a dumb kid with a bow.”

  “The best art teacher I ever had.” She pulls her shoulders. “Do you need a teddy bear?”

  “N-no, I’ll be alright.” Damian says quickly.

  “Okay. But please, sleep. Okay?”

  “I will, good night Sora.”

  “Good night.” She turned away and left.

____

  The bell rings and classes are done for the day. Damian steps out the classroom, bag slinged. “…hey.”

  “Yo!” She waves to him. “Missed me?”

  “Not really.” He says sarcastically.

  “Oh.” Her smile disappeared.

  “H-hey, it was just a little joke!” He says quickly.

“Haa?”

“Sarcasm? No? Er, anyway…I was going to go find what Jataro is up to, did you want to come along?”

She shakes her head. “I won’t bother you.” She’d shade him, just to make sure he is not lying, but she’d leave once she is sure.

“Oh, alright. I just figured it would make it easier to follow me rather than sneak after me.” He says with a slight smirk.

“Whatcha talking about?”

“Eh, nothing then.” He shrugs. “I guess I’ll get going now.”

“Bye.” She waves.

[josemaximiliano-blog1]

FAVORITE ALBUMS 2017 (TOP 50)

2017 was a phenomenal year for music and a special one because this year I went full dedication to music, heard albums here and there, a lot of them actually to be precise 402 albums I heard just from this year, there were good albums, bad albums, horrible albums, happy albums, sad albums, we had everything this year and out of those 402 I heard I selected the 50 that I liked the most from New Wave to Doom Metal to Bubblegum Pop to Hip-Hop, I found out about a lot of new interesting artists and I’m looking forward for what next year has in store for us. It was hard to choose my top 50 but here are the ones that stand out the most.

1. Alex Cameron - Forced Witness (New Wave, Synth Pop, Soft Rock)

Wow. This album has the best songwriting of the year, just to start the character development is sublime, the hooks are catchy, the lyrics are hysterically funny and the production is awe-inspiring, it brings back the 80′s in such an amazing way, his vocal performance is stirring. This album is an introspective look into the persona that Alex created. The recurrent themes of masculinity, bravado, love, failure, sincerity, hope and hopelessness make this album grow into you until it becomes addictive. The lyrics might be fun and everything but at the end there is a raw reality that some might feel identified with it. 

Three songs you should check out: Candy May, Stranger’s Kiss (Duet With Angel Olsen), Politics of Love. 

2. The War On Drugs - A Deeper Understanding (Heartland Rock, Synth Rock)

This album is awesome from start to finish, makes me want to take the car during midnight and drive and never look back, its beautiful and satisfying guitar riffs to its gorgeous instrumental breaks and dreamy synths make this album an almost perfect listening experience, with the cherry on top being the thoughtful and heart melting/breaking lyrics.

Three songs you should check out: Pain, Thinking Of A Place, You Don’t Have To Go.

3. Arca - Arca (Art Pop)

Immaculate and gorgeous production joined by a powerful voice, it is a journey into Alejandro Ghersi’s sexual life, fantasies and thoughts. This album has  astonishing and beautiful falsettos with great lyricism.

Three songs you should check out: Anoche, Castration, Miel.

4. The National - Sleep Well Beast (Alternative Rock)

This album explores new territories into The National’s great discography and it is their most experimental album yet and it might be their best album too, time will decide. Frontman Matt Berninger gifts us one of the best written albums of the year with a sorrowful and mature songwriting joined by an amazing band work by the Dessner twins and company.

This album could’ve been my number one spot but being honest... Turtleneck is not for me. Excited to see them live next month!

Three songs you should check out: Nobody Else Will Be There, Dark Side of the Gym, Sleep Well Beast.

5. BROCKHAMPTON - SATURATION (Experimental Hip-Hop, Hip-Hop)

The first album out of the Saturation trilogy and what a perfect way to get introduced to this boyband, I want to be like them so bad! this album is banger after banger, the production is juicy and amazing, you will never get tired of this album.

I have more to say about them but (spoiler alert) they have two more spots on this list and I don’t wanna run out of praise.

Three songs you should check out: HEAT, SWIM, MILK.

6. Lorde - Melodrama (Art Pop)

This is an album that can define an entire generation, Ella wrote an album for the teenagers and it is a true blessing, with her beautiful voice and gorgeous production by Jake Antonoff (fun, Bleachers) Melodrama is really a melodramatic expression of the daily lives of many of us.

That’s a beautiful cover art by the way.

Three songs you should check out: Liability, Hard Feelings/Loveless, Liability (Reprise)

7. Perfume Genius - No Shape

Love has no shape, this album gorgeously produced songs (totally deserved that Grammy nomination) and Mike’s angelical voice make a wonderful listening experience.

Three songs you should check out: Slip Away, Die 4 You, Alan.

8. Sorority Noise - You’re Not As Alone As You Think (Emo, Indie Rock, Punk)

In a year where I openly struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts and a friends death this album helped me a lot even though I might still be depressed, yes, this album talks about the same stuff I struggled with but sometimes a negative plus negative make a positive change.

Three songs you should check out: No Halo, A Portrait Of, A Better Sun.  (It is just 30 minutes long so why not check the whole thing)

9. Father John Misty - Pure Comedy (Singer Songwriter)

2017 was a hell of a year and it is slowly going to fade away as long as we keep fighting each other and this album is just a reminder of that but it is also a reminder that it is a miracle to be alive and there is nothing to fear. Tillman’s songwriting is really an inspiration for me and he is my role model.

Three songs you should check out: Pure Comedy, The Memo, In Twenty Years or So.

10. King Krule - The OOZ (Post Punk, Art Rock, Nü Jazz, Trip Hop)

Yeah that genre description is cool isn’t it. Archy came out this with an amazing set of songs that explore depression and he just keeps showing us how great of an artist he is and yes we have to honest his voice is just something else I dream with his voice.

Three songs you should check out: Dum Surfer, The Ooz, Midnight 01 (Deep Sea Diver).

11. Charli XCX - Pop 2 (Electro Pop, Bubblegum Pop)

Charli closed the year with an amazing mixtape that stands out thanks to the amazing production by the PC Music team, the album is very futuristic and enjoyable with great features. 

Three songs you should check out: Lucky, Porsche (Feat. MØ), Track 10. 

12. Remo Drive - Greatest Hits (Indie Rock, Emo)

Same issue as Forced Witness but now with the title, to my understanding this is their DEBUT ALBUM and the fact they named it “Greatest Hits” made me think that this was a compilation from an old band trying to have more revenue but I’m glad I was wrong. This set of upbeat teenager songs is one of the best debut albums of the year.

They’re going to be touring with Sorority Noise how cool someone take me there!!!

Three songs you should check out: Crash Test Rating, Yer Killin’ Me, I’m My Own Doctor.

13. Julien Baker - Turn Out the Lights (Singer Songwriter)

The follow up to her debut album “Sprained Ankle” couldn’t be better, this is one of the most heart breaking and depressing albums (second most depressive because A Crow Looked At Me exists) of the year, Julien opens up with more depressive themes such as drug abuse, faith, suicidal thoughts and love and her delivery brings me to tears, the song structures here are brilliant and satisfying almost depending on the vocal performance but she doesn’t disappoint.  

Three songs you should check out: Appointments, Sour Breath, Claws in Your Back.

14. Tyler The Creator - Flower Boy (Experimental Hip-Hop)

I didn’t like Tyler before this release but it did change my mind, this project was the album of my summer, literally, that was the only album I heard during summer camp so it brings me a lot of good memories with my friends and girlfriend.

Three songs you should check out: See You Again, Boredom, 911/Mr. Lonely.

15. Kirin J Callinan - Bravado (Art Pop, Synth Pop, Euro Dance)

The fact that one of my favorite songs from this album is one of my favorite memes of the year makes me feel wholesome.

Watch it for yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvrZJ5C_Nwg the joy starts at 2:23

Three songs you should check out: S.A.D., Big Enough, Bravado.

16. Fleet Foxes - Crack-Up (Chamber Folk, Folk)

One of the best produced and written albums of the year, beautiful instrumentation comes along with a strong set of lyrics to give one of the most pleasing albums this year, this would be even higher on my list if it hadn’t been for the replay value (that is good but it took me a while). 

It has one of the most beautiful cover arts of the year for sure.

Three songs you should check out: -Naiads, Cassadies, Third of May / Ōdaigahara, Fool’s Errand. 

17. Phoebe Bridgers - Stranger in the Alps (Singer Songwriter)

Another set of depressing songs now this time from Phoebe, props for being a debut album too, her songwriting reminds me a lot of Mark Kozelek and yes she actually sings a cover (which is my favorite cover of the year) from a Mark song. The narrative on her songs is criminally incredible.

Three songs you should check out: Smoke Signals, Funeral, You Missed My Heart (cover).

18. Charli XCX - Number 1 Angel (Electro Pop, Bubblegum Pop)

It’s Charli, again. One of the catchiest releases of the year with a more mainstream focus than Pop 2 but still the album is great and the features again are amazing, so much chemistry.

Three songs you should check out: Emotional, Babygirl (feat. Uffie), Lipgloss (feat. CupcakKe).

19. Protomartyr - Relatives In Descent (Post Punk)

The songwriting...

I’m not saying anything about this album just read this verse.  

From the song “Half Sister”

In Northern Michigan There was an incident in winter A horse was hit by lightning And began to speak in a foreign language When he was finally understood It repeated, "Humans are no good" So they shot it behind the shed and stuffed him He's now on display as a lesson For the kids to always do your best Do your best always.

Have to say that the “she’s just trying to reach you” reprise used throughout the album is just heart breaking.

Three songs you should check out: A Private Understanding, The Chuckler, Night Blooming-Cereus.

20. Counterparts - You’re Not You Anymore (Metalcore, Hardcore Punk)

This album doesn’t catch a break at all 27 minutes of straight forward madness. All I have to say.

Three songs you should check out: Bouquet, No Servant of Mine, You’re Not You Anymore.

21. Mount Kimbie - Love What Survives (Future Garage, Indietronica)

Every time I listen to this album I just want to lay down and chill for a minute, great production and it has an overall dreamy vibe, shout out to Mount Kimbie for introducing me to King Krule.

Three songs you should check out: Blue Train Lines, Marylin, We Go Home Together.

22. BROCKHAMPTON - SATURATION III (Experimental Hip-Hop, Pop Rap)

The boys back at it again, the conclusion to the Saturation saga and it is as creative as previous efforts, they keep changing their sound with every new album, what I liked the most from this album was that members like JOBA got more spotlight than ever before, the MVP’S of this one were Matt, Merlyn and JOBA.

Three songs you should check out: LIQUID, BLEACH, HOTTIE.

23. Oneohtrix Point Never - Good Time Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (Soundtrack, Ambient, Original Score) 

The highest entry for a movie score is Good Time, what an addition to the movie with high gripping and tense sequences of dreamy acid songs and with one of the best closing tracks of the year with The Pure and the Damned featuring Iggy Pop the song is heartbreaking and a great culmination to the album. 

Three songs you should check out: Leaving The Park, Connie, The Pure and the Damned. 

24. Rex Orange County - Apricot Princess (Alternative R&B) 

This is an underrated and overlooked album that definitively deserves more attention, Alex delivers sweet and lovely songs with his unique and tender voice, great instrumentation and vocal performance. If you are looking for a love album this might be one of the best ones of the year. 

Three songs you should check out: 4 Seasons, Rain Man, Happiness. 

25. BROCKHAMPTON - SATURATION II (Experimental Hip-Hop)

What a year for the boyband. This one is full of bangers.

Three songs you should check out: SWAMP, JUNKY, SUMMER. 

26. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Flying Microtonal Banana (Psychedelic Rock)

It is the strange vibe to this album and the crazy tuning that makes this an exotic and groovy album. The prolific Australian band proved that they are here to stay, they put out four solid albums in a short span of time and this has to be my favorite (one more to come out before the year ends). Looking forward for the fifth of the year! 

Three songs you should check out: Rattlesnake, Sleep Drifter, Doom City. 

27. Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein - Stranger Things 2 (A Netflix Original Series Soundtrack)

In my opinion the score outlives the tv show, this nostalgic vibe is incredible and all the layering is chilling yet beautiful to hear, from mellow synths to dark and eerie atmospheric sequences this album is one of the most memorable things of the show. 

Three songs you should check out: Eulogy, Descent into the Rift, Soldiers. 

28. Xiu Xiu - FORGET (Art Pop) 

It’s unsettling, bold and dreary, this is an album you should not forget about, vocal performances on point plus a weird and iconic instrumentation. 

Three songs you should check out: The Call, Wondering, Get Up. 

29. Mount Eerie - A Crow Looked At Me (Singer Songwriter) 

The year’s most depressing album follows the story of Phil Elverum who tragically lost his wife after fighting against cancer, this is as real as it can be, the songwriting is heart breaking and outstanding, this album is arguably one of the best three albums of the year for me but the replay value affected its place on the list, the listening experience is too pessimistic and full of gut punches that I find it hard to listen to the full album in just one sitting. 

Three songs you should check out: Real Death, Swims, My Chasm. 

Starting from the next album I’m just giving my quick thoughts...

30. Benjamin Clementine - I Tell A Fly (Chamber Pop, Art Pop, Avant Garde) 

An album with great and beautiful instrumentation joined by one of the most interesting and satisfying voices working today. 

Three songs you should check out: God Save The Jungle, Phantom Of Aleppoville, One Awkward Fish. 

31. Sampha - Process (R&B) 

One of my favorite R&B releases of the year, Sampha has such a great voice. 

Three songs you should check out: (No One Knows Me) Like the Piano, Under, Timmy’s Prayer. 

32. IDLES - Brutalism (Post Punk)

The album title describes everything, brutalism all over the place with an interesting political/social point of view. Vocal performances are awesome. 

Three songs you should check out: Mother, Divide & Conquer, White Privilege.

33. Ariel Pink - Dedicated to Bobby Jameson (New Wave, Synth Pop, Art Pop)

This album was my introduction to Ariel Pink and it was so good I enjoyed so much every track with a nostalgic vibe of music from the last century. 

Three songs you should check out: Feels Like Heaven, Another Weekend, I Wanna Be Young.

34. Destroyer - Ken (Synth Pop) 

I love the synths here, to be honest that was what made me love this album, it is so well designed and the lyrics were pretty cool.  

Three songs you should check out: Sky’s Grey, Rome, Sometimes in the World. 

35. Daniel Hart - A Ghost Story (Original Soundtrack Album)

I went to see the movie almost six months ago and the first thing I did after walking out of the movie theater was crossing the street to the nearest record store and buy the album, it still haunts me to this day, the album itself haunts me as well as the movie. 

Three songs you should check out: Whatever Hour You Woke, Post Pie, The Secret In The Wall. 

36. Jay-Z - 4:44 (Hip-Hop) 

One of the best written hip- hop albums this year for sure, pure sincerity and emotion in this project and the production is just brilliant. 

Three songs you should check out: The Story of O.J., Caught Their Eyes (feat. Frank Ocean), 4:44.  

37. The xx - I See You (Indietronica) 

One of the first albums I heard this year and it was good enough to make it to my list, I like the sensuality of the beats here and the smooth vibe to it. 

Three songs you should check out: Say Something Loving, Perfomance, Test Me. 

38. Primitive Man - Caustic (Doom Metal) 

I like the way my favorite reviewer (theneedledrop) described this album, I share the same feeling so I’m just going to quoute “ Doom metal trio Primitive Man returns with one of the most nihilistic albums in the genre. For anyone who enjoys some pain with their pleasure.”

Three songs you should check out: My Will, Victim, Inevitable. 

39. Moses Sumney - Aromanticisim (Art Pop, R&B) 

Uhhh his voice is so beautiful and he is such a talented artist I’m in love with his voice, make sure you enjoy his voice as much as I do. I urge everyone to listen to Doomed if you wanna know what I am talking about. 

Three songs you should check out: Plastic, Make Out in My Car, Doomed. 

40. Code Orange - Forever (Sludge Metal) 

It is brutal it is dirty it is aggressive it makes you wanna throw punches. 

The cover art is easily top 3 of the year for me. 

Three songs you should check out: Forever, Real, Spy. 

41. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Polygondwanaland (Psychedelic Rock, Progressive Rock)

This is a great concept album that you should check out (if you are into concept albums otherwise you might not like it) because I love how every song builds to a great climax at the end. 

Three songs you should check out: Crumbling Castle, Loyalty, The Fourth Color. 

42. Alvvays - Antisocialites (Dream Pop) 

Dream pop at its best this year. 

Three songs you should check out: Dreams Tonite, Your Type, Forget About Life. 

43. Slowdive - Slowdive (Shoegaze) 

Great comeback from one of the most important bands of the genre, good for driving. 

Three songs you should check out: Star Roving, Sugar for the Pill, Falling Ashes. 

44. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Murder of the Universe, Chapter 1: The Tale of the Altered Beast, Chapter 2: The Lord of Lightning vs. Balrog (Psychedelic Rock) 

The boys are here again for the third time, why did I put the chapters? Because this album is divided in three chapters and oh god the third chapter almost ruins everything so that’s why I didn’t put it here and I think that the first two need recognition, I love the narrative tone of the album and how it feels like a real story or a video game. 

Three songs you should check out: Altered Beast I, The Lord of Lightning, The Balrog. 

45. Zola Jesus - Okovi (Art Pop) 

This album is so meaningful (a little bit of background, Zola Jesus wrote this album for a friend who tried to commit suicide twice) and powerful, it has a very strong message and the production is beautiful. 

My favorite cover art of the year here. 

Three songs you should check out: Witness, Siphon, Half Life. 

46. Hans Zimmer - Blade Runner 2049 (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) 

So nostalgic and brings back the vibe from one of my favorite movies of the year. 

Three songs you should check out: Flight to LAPD, Joi, All the Best Memories Are Hers. 

47. Yung Lean - Stranger (Clout Rap) 

This album might had its flaws but it is a great listening experience if you just one to chill for a minute, solid production, lyrics and performances so yeah why not. Also bonus points for having two of my favorite singles of the year. 

Three songs you should check out: Red Bottom Sky, Hunting My Own Skin, Agony.  

48. ROSALÍA - Los Ángeles (Flamenco) 

One of the last albums I heard this year, If I had listen to this album earlier on the year it might have been higher on the list but anyways this is a good project from Rosalía and she has one of the most attractive voices of the year. 

Three songs you should check out: Nos Quedamos Solitos, Día 14 De Abril, I See A Darkness. 

 49. Ex Eye - Ex Eye (Post Metal)

This is just four tracks long but it is epic and progressive, really well produced album and nice to see Colin Stetson experimenting more with his saxophone. 

Three tracks you should listen: Go with all the album, it is just four tracks, If I had to choose one... Anaitis Hymnal; the Arkose Disc. 

50. Mac DeMarco - This Old Dog (Singer Songwriter)

The songwriting here is solid with a nice production, the song structures make this album a satisfying session. 

Three songs you should check out: For the First Time, Moonlight on the River, Watching Him Fade Away.