#I don’t WANT to learn new skills I don’t WANT opportunities to grow I don’t WANT to be included in conversations with senior leadership

[asmolbirb]

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[sacerdotessa]

Midheaven in signs

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Aries Midheaven:

you’re such a competitive individual and an innovator, you’re not afraid of taking risks and being bold. It’s hard for you to depend on other people, you need to be your own leader when it comes to your career. The perfect career path involves a lot of action and dynamism, following every day the same routine is not something that appeals you. As a driven individual, you thrive on challenges and are always seeking new opportunities to grow and learn. You have a natural ability to think outside of the box and come up with innovative solutions to problems. You're not afraid to take risks and push yourself outside of your comfort zone, because you know that's where growth happens. When it comes to your career, you're not content with simply following the crowd. You need to be in control of your own destiny and chart your own path. You have a strong sense of purpose and direction, and you're not afraid to pursue your dreams with relentless determination. The perfect career for you is one that allows you to constantly evolve and adapt. You need to be challenged, stimulated, and engaged in your work on a daily basis. With your competitive spirit and innovative mindset, you're sure to make a real impact in whatever career path you choose

Taurus Midheaven:

Your top priorities are stability, enjoying life and being creative. You prefer to approach your career methodically, following a routine is not something that bothers you. You have amazing taste and expressing your creativity is very important for you. You might enjoy a career path that involves aesthetics and creativity, you might also enjoy a job that revolves around food (you might be a great chef). You should choose a career that aligns with your priorities and natural abilities, for example, exploring opportunities in the creative arts. You could pursue a career as a graphic designer, interior decorator, or fashion designer. Alternatively, you may find fulfillment in the culinary arts, either as a chef or food stylist. Whatever path you choose, be sure to focus on finding a work-life balance that allows you to enjoy the stability and creative expression that you value most. Remember, the most fulfilling career is one that brings you joy and satisfaction in all aspects of your life.

Gemini Midheaven:

You’re such a curious and multitalented individual, you might enjoy exploring multiple career paths during your lifetime. You’re talented when it comes to communications, media, journalism and anything that’s connected with writing. Routine is something that annoys you, you should choose a career path that involves a variety of activities. You’re also extremely expressive, you might be a talented actor. There are many career options that could suit your unique set of skills and interests. You should also consider pursuing a career in public relations or marketing because these fields often involve a mix of writing, communication, and creativity. Another option to consider is working in the entertainment industry, where your expressive nature and love for variety could be put to good use. You could explore opportunities in acting, directing, or even producing. With your natural curiosity and multitalented abilities, the possibilities are endless. Don't be afraid to try new things and explore different paths.

Cancer Midheaven:

Nurturing and taking care of those around you feels like a life mission for you. You’re such an empathetic soul, connecting with those around you and being sure that you’re working on making the world a better place is very important for you. You might be interested in a career that involves being around children or those who need support. Your natural inclination towards empathy and compassion makes you an ideal candidate to work with individuals who need emotional support and care. A career in counseling, social work, or education could be a fulfilling path for you to explore. You have the ability to connect with others on a deep level and understand their needs, making it easier for you to provide the necessary support and guidance. Additionally, your warm and nurturing personality would be a valuable asset in any team or workplace environment.

Leo Midheaven:

You’re such an ambitious individual and you love being in the spotlight. You’re a natural-born leader and you constantly need to attract other people's attention. You might be a good actor, singer or influencer. Being popular and influential seems to be some of your biggest goals. However, it's important to remember to use your platform for good. As a leader and influencer, you have the power to positively impact and inspire others. Consider using your talents and popularity to promote important causes or raise awareness about issues that matter to you. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility. It's also important to stay grounded and humble, and not let fame or attention get to your head. Stay true to yourself and your values, and continue to work hard towards your goals while also making a positive impact on the world.

Virgo Midheaven:

You prefer a career path that brings you stability instead of one that brings you power and fame. Being in the spotlight is not something that appeals you and you prefer to help others instead of being at the center of the attention. Being helpful is very important for you, being a doctor or working in the healthcare field seems to be perfect for you. You might consider becoming a nurse, a physical therapist, or a medical assistant. You might also be interested in working with animals (becoming a veterinarian). If you have a passion for nature, you might consider a career in conservation or environmental science. Whatever path you choose, you can be sure that your desire to help others and make a difference in the world will be fulfilled.

Libra Midheaven:

You might be interested in working in a field connected with communication or art (you might be a great graphic designer), you might also be an amazing stylist or director, you know how to connect the right people and coordinate a team. You’re such a creative person and you love to express yourself, you’re also amazing when it comes to discovering other people's talents and valorizing them. You prefer facts over feelings and you have a logical mind, you might be a good lawyer. Don't be afraid to explore different options and take risks in order to find the right fit for you. Whether it's in the realm of communication, art, or law, there are countless opportunities available for those with this placement. Remember to stay true to yourself and never stop learning and growing in your chosen field. With hard work and perseverance, you can achieve great things and make a positive impact on the world around you.

Scorpio Midheaven:

You’re such a private person, being in the spotlight is not something that appeals you, and working behind the scenes seems to be a better option. You’re such a deep person who enjoys mysteries and taboos, you might be an amazing investigator, surgeon or psychologist. You’re not afraid of taking responsibility and making tough decisions, which makes you a great leader. Your ability to analyze situations and think critically also makes you an asset in any team. Your calm and composed demeanor in high-pressure situations is admirable. You have a great sense of empathy and understanding towards others, which is a valuable trait in any profession. Your dedication and hard work have helped you achieve success in your career, and your determination will continue to take you further.

Sagittarius Midheaven:

You’re an explorer and learning new things seems to be one of your biggest passions. You might be an amazing teacher, those around you love to hear you talking about what makes you feel passionate. You might explore many different career path during your lifetime and you seems to be kinda lucky when it comes to money and finding good opportunities. Your career could also revolve around traveling and exploring new places. Your adventurous spirit is what sets you apart from others. You thrive on the excitement of discovering new things and visiting uncharted territories. You have a natural curiosity and a thirst for knowledge that drives you to explore different cultures, cuisines, and ways of life. Your love for learning is contagious and people around you are drawn to your enthusiasm. As a teacher, you have a unique ability to make complex concepts easy to understand. You have a way with words that captivates your audience and makes them feel excited to learn. Your career path may take you in many different directions, but one thing is for sure – you will never be bored.

Capricorn Midheaven:

You’re extremely ambitious and kinda “obsessed” when it comes to your career. Your reputation is very important for you, being perceived as someone who is important and influential is one of your biggest goals. You have a solid work ethic. You might be interested in finance or business. You’re an amazing leader, you tend to be admired by those around you for your success. However, it's important to remember that success isn't everything. While ambition is a great quality, it's also important to take breaks and prioritize self-care. It's okay to step back and reassess your goals and priorities. Don't forget to give yourself credit for how far you've already come. Remember that being a good leader also means being able to take care of yourself and those around you. Keep striving for success, but don't forget to enjoy the journey along the way.

Aquarius Midheaven:

You’re attracted to unconventional paths, not everybody are going to understand your job. You might try many different career during your lifetime, you’re someone who gets easily bored, starting again is something that makes you feel excited. You might work with technology (you might be a software engineer) or social network, you’re attracted to every jobs that involves technology, innovation and communication. Don't be afraid to take risks and try new things, but also be mindful of your long-term goals and aspirations. With your unconventional mindset and willingness to explore, you're sure to find a career path that suits you and makes you feel fulfilled. Keep an open mind and embrace the journey ahead!

Pisces Midheaven:

You’re not such a consistent person when it comes to your career, living in a capitalistic society is very hard for you. You’re such a creative person with a deep and insightful personality, you love to take care of others and you also love to express yourself through art. You might be an amazing artist and many people could feel inspired by your creations. You might also be a great therapist who has the ability to understand and empathize with others on a deep level. Whatever path you choose, it's important to remember that your unique perspective and talents are valuable and can make a positive impact on those around you. Don't be afraid to pursue your passions and explore different avenues until you find the career that truly fulfills you. With your creativity and caring nature, there's no limit to what you can achieve.

[jakescakeislateforourdate]

Stealing Kisses

(Actors from The Boys in the Boat)

Joe Rantz, Don Hume, Bobby Moch, George (Shorty) Hunt

tbitb masterlist

A collection of kissing scenes. Might write something for Chuck Day later, we’ll see, anyway, got carried away with Don, I would die for Bobby

Enjoy this garbage!

…

Joe Rantz:

Joe is a gentleman. He plans it’s out, wanting to take you on a decent date beforehand to set the mood and feel out just how much you like him. He doesn’t have money or a nice apartment or cooking skills for that matter. What he does have is his strength and his smarts.

So he takes you for a boat ride one sunny afternoon. He brings his guitar, opting for a little less country than the banjo, and paddles you out to a secluded spot. Despite his protest, you brought a basket full of treats and you talk as you share them under the hot sun.

His blond curls become waves of amber grain in the sunlight. After a while you fall into a comfortable silence which gives him the opportunity to pull out his guitar. Now he’s been planning this date for a little while so he picked some new songs to memorize. Sweet and romantic but not too lovey dovey. Though he doesn’t hide the fact that he loves country music.

As he strums his guitar he catches you intently staring at him. You look at him with so much affection that it makes him blush and stutter and he forget the words to his song.

“You’re cute, Joe.”

It makes him laugh so much he has to stop playing entirely. You tease him, enjoying his laughter.

After he recovers you both decide to venture out onto land. Wild flowers grow along the banks in great colorful bunches. Joe begins collection some, blue and purple and white and yellow, and he begins to weave them together.

It’s a special trick he learned while he lived alone, cutting and clearing trees for a living. During his breaks he taught himself to do this. The braid the delicate flower stems into bracelets and rings and crowns.

Joe makes the finest crown his has ever managed. He carefully lays the creation on your head and tucks away any loose strands of hair. ‘You’re gorgeous’ he wants to say. If he was a little more gutsy he would.

His hands trail down to cradle your cheeks. He’s not gutsy enough to tell you you’re pretty but for some reason he has the gall to lean down and kiss you.

His lips are a little chapped from rowing practices, the heavy breathing dropping his jaw and the wind biting his lips. But they’re gentle and sweet. Joe soaks up the private moment and rests his forehead on yours. He wraps his arms around your waist and sways back and forth with you. He starts singing again and you dance together in the afternoon sun.

Don Hume:

Let’s be honest here, you’re more likely to kiss him first. You simply make him too nervous to even find the coordination to plant his lips over yours.

After their first win, Don is dragged out to celebrate. Luckily his sweetheart of a few weeks now is already there. You’re happy to see Don out and about whether or not he likes it. Bobby flashes you a wink as he pushes Don into a chair next to you.

It’s too loud. You can’t hear a word the other says. In a blinding moment of courage, Don takes your hand and pulls you out of the hall. His calloused palm is sweaty. His fingers tremble between yours. You remember him first approaching you, Bobby pushing him forward and then abandoning him at your library table.

“Hey, you’re Don Hume right? From the rowing team, right?”

He nodded, swallowing hard.

“What can I do for you, Don?”

His tongue had gone dry. Where are his words? His mouth dropped open “I—” you smiled at him and it made everything worse.

“C’mon, Don!” You heard Bobby whisper shout, a collection of the rowing team has amassed behind a bookshelf, quietly cheering him on.

“Can-can I takeyouonadate?”

He panicked and cursed himself out, thinking he spoke too fast and you don’t catch what he said and now he’s going to have to ask all over again.

“I’d love to go on a date.” Your smile brightened and Don’s shoulders drooped in relief.

He still stutters asking you on dates now.

Don finds himself walking you across campus grounds and the pale light of the moon. “You did so good, Don, in your race.”

“Thanks.” He speaks so softly the whistle of the night breeze in the leaves is almost louder. He turns to you, catching your gaze first and then blushing and nervously glancing down at your lips.

He’s never kissed anyone before, but he thinks he wants to kiss you.

There’s a comfortable silence that fills the space between your faces. Don’s eyes keep flickering to your Cupid’s bow. To that perfect curve. He starts to say something but his words leave him again as he feels soft lips shutting his mouth.

His lips are rough, worn from the blustering winds. He smells faintly of sweat and the river water that sprays up from the churning oars.

Don can hardly think enough to kiss you back. He blinks, stunned and you lean in to kiss him again and again. He’s overwhelmed by the warmth of your lips and the velvet soft press of your tongue. His shaking hands clutch at your cheeks, trying to ensure that it doesn’t end.

“Don, baby—”

“Kiss me again, please.”

There’s a smile on your lips when you wrap your arms around him. “Only if you promise to dance with me.”

“Yes, yes, okay. Just…”

This time he kisses first.

Bobby Moch:

Bobby is a confident man. He maybe shorter than your average guy but his boldness makes up for it. But I also think you’d kiss him first.

You’re waiting for him to finish up practice, your routine being to go on a long walk and let Bobby blow off some steam before studying together and then going home. Bobby emerges from the shell house, clearly bothered, but he can’t help his smile when he sees you waiting on a bench with two warm cups of tea in your hand.

“Good evening, lovely, should we go to the library or the bridge?”

You hand him a cup and take his free hand. “I think… the library would be nice.”

“Me too.”

He squeezes your hand. He starts his rant and angrily blabbers on until you’re at the steps of the library. Somehow, between all his complaining, he’s managed to chug his whole cup of tea.

The library is fairly empty at this hour. Most students having given up on studying for the day and retired to either their dorms or gone off to work. Bobby drops his bag onto a secluded sofa and the two of you sit down for a nice, quiet study date.

While Bobby reads over his textbook chapter, you notice things about him. The wrinkle that forms on his forehead when he's focused. The tilt of his eyebrows. How his lips purse. You notice the tiny blemishes on his cheeks; they were once little nicks or pimples that he picked. You keep stealing glances of him. Absolutely fascinated by the way lamplight reflects off his skin or the curve of his jaw or the bob of his Adam's apple when he swallows. He hadn't really bothered to straighten out his hair after his shower and it's dried wild, tickling his face.

Bobby catches your gaze and it's stunning, how light pools in his eyes. How his irises brighten. His gives you an adoring look and returns to pouring over his textbook.

Then there's his lips. They look so soft and they're so gently rounded they look hand carved. Occasionally he'll lick his lips and you get a flash of tongue and white teeth. At some point you decide to just go for it. You've been dreaming of kissing Bobby for some time now but he's been content to let you take things at your own pace.

You reach of his textbook, "Need something?" Bobby asks genuinely. His gaze is uncharacteristically kind. He's always yelling at the top of his lungs or bossing around or saying something snappy. That's just Bobby. So why does he look at you like this? Like he's watching the sun rise.

"Yes, actually." And then you deliver a kiss to his lips. Bobby is caught off guard and before he can really even kiss you back, you're pulling away. "Sorry--"

"Don't even think about it." Bobby quips, "Get back here." He cups the juncture of your jaw and throat to bring you in but you hide in his palm. "Finish what you started. C'mon. Don't you feel like trying it again? I'm ready."

When your lips touch again Bobby is gentle in making it last. He never presses too hard but be doesn't let you shy away again either. He kisses you until the taste of him has stained your tongue and the oxygen is gone from your lungs.

George "Shorty" Hunt:

Sly dog, this one is.

George is highly tactical(he likes to think so) and because he’s so brilliant he hatched a perfect plan to get you to kiss him. He wants to see how bold you can be.

He makes three plans, two of which fail. They go like this. The first time he tries it, you’re walking him to practice. His jacket is slung over his shoulder and he’s telling you about his engineering class. “You know there’s this term we use called osculate which is where the curve of on surface meets the curve over another and they share a common tangent.” You raise a brow. Shorty licks his lips, “It’s also formal code for kissing.”

“Don’t even—” you swat at him and push him towards the shell house. “Go practice and share a tangent with Day!”

“Hey now,” Shorty pouts and disappears into the shell house, defeated. That was attempt 1. The second attempt hardly goes better.

It’s the night after their first win and Shorty is dancing with you. His nerdy pick up lines proved to be a failure so he goes for building some good old fashion romance. He’d gotten you flowers and taken you out for dinner before he brought you here where the music is so loud it blocks out everyone else around you.

Now you’re slow dancing, cheeks pressed together, hands laced with one another. The first thing you notice is that he smells good. You have no idea if he’s wearing cologne or if it’s the soap he uses to wash his clothes but he smells divine. The second thing is how soft his hands are despite the wear and tear of the pad. The third is that he didn’t put any product in his hair. You’ve always loved to play with the dark curls and fluff it up. But sometimes he styles his curls and the products make his hair stiff. But his curls are free today which tells you he’s been thinking about you and all the things you do.

“Watcha smilin’ about?” Shorty asks, his eyes light up as he smiles back. He hopes you’re thinking about it. He hopes you’re wanting to kiss him.

You plant your hands on his chest, “Nothing, you just make me happy.” It’s quite possibly quite possibly the nicest compliment he’s ever received. And then you rise up on your toes a place a kiss on his cheek. It’s not what he expected but he’s as pleased as ever.

The third and actually successful attempt is on the train before he leaves for Poughkeepsie. You’d arrived late and missed him boarding. You force your way to the train and look through the window. George sees you and throws the window open. “I was afraid you weren’t coming!” He shouts of the chatter. He’d actually been heartbroken.

“Had trouble getting here!”

“Can I…” you don’t catch what he says.

“What!”

Shorty smiles and shakes his head. He turns and gestures for something. He opens the window as far as he can and you see Chuck and Johnny behind him. And then George is falling out of the window. First his shoulders and chest and then his hips and your almost scream but Chuck and Johnny are holding his thighs. He wedges one hand on the window sill to support himself and the other reaches for you.

He pulls you as close as he can and gives you a kiss goodbye. “I’ll come home with a gold medal!” Don’t you worry!” The people who notice give him a cheer and a laugh as he’s pulled back into the train. He blows you one last kiss and then the train starts rolling.

tbitb masterlist

Dear Reader,

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this piece please be sure to check out my masterlist and if you want to request something you are more than welcome to. Have a nice day.

- the author

[lovelybrooke]

It is I! ready to tackle stoles because he’s the easiest:) (in my opinion)

It’s established that stoles is.. lonely, especially growing up, he has influence and knows many people but he doesn’t have many friends, the only relationships he has is his sexual and somewhat romantic relationship with Blitzø and his love for his daughter, everyone else is an acquaintance.

So naturally he doesn’t want his daughter to have that life, and when he hears Octavia has a buddy he’s thrilled, and he somewhat likes the reader for it, he’s never met and might not get to meet them for awhile but based on what Octavia shared about the reader he’s pleased that they aren’t a bad influence.

Of course he allows Octavia to invite reader to their house, and the first time the reader arrives to hang out with Octavia, Stolas notices that the Imps dropping them off work for blitzø, this makes him trust the reader a little more, but also this causes Stolas to call Blitzø and talk (question) him about this mysterious human.

Now stolas isn’t full on interrogating Blitzø, even then Stolas notices how defensive Blitzø gets, but most importantly Blitzø swears he had nothing to do with this human entering hell. Of course after his conversation with Blitzø he gets curious about the reader’s situation and wants to investigate but he also values readers friendship with his daughter, and doesn’t want to scare them off.

Stolas likes the reader, they seem to greatly improve his daughters mood and is also extremely important to Blitzø, so this makes them someone important in his life, two people he cares for greatly loves them and so he wants the best for them, it also helps that the reader is a great guest (a skill they learned from Rosie and Alastor) as they’re well mannered and extremely respectful. Also sometimes Blitzø picks them up so that’s a bonus (he wants any excuse to see Blitzø)

As the reader shows up more to hang out with Octavia the more opportunity Stolas gets to talk to the reader. Usually the reader’s at the entrance waiting for Octavia and while they’re waiting Stolas might have a small conversation with them. Or another example during dinner (if the reader is staying at their house) stolas might converse with them. Also I picture Blitzø often calling stolas about the reader’s whereabouts and emotional and physical state as he isn’t there, and if Blitzø is ever drunk he’d likely go on personal tangents about how great the reader is to him and share things about the reader that might be private.

I think Stolas before meeting the reader fantasized having a family with Blitzø, but now that the reader is around, and is extremely important to the people he loves in his life, he starts to imagine the reader in the picture, and I think this is where he becomes obsessive.

He starts to think that the reader is tying his relationships together, he might think that the reader will be the person who helps Blitzø get with him. He starts to maybe misinterpret some of Blizø’s rare drunk rants in favor of the theory that the reader is somehow pushing the two together.

This delusion of the reader kinda builds up over time, I don’t ever expect it to just show up. But it’s also not like anyone notices he thinks this way, because the way he acts with the reader is pretty normal, there’s small chatter then Octavia shows up and drags the reader away.

Anyway that’s my interpretation I hope you like it :) and I’d also like to see you expand on anything/share your thoughts:):)

Have a lovely day/night :)

Yay, finally! I'm so happy you sent something in.

So I totally agree that Stolas doesn't want Octavia to have the same life that he had as a child, super lonely, neglectful parents. So when reader comes into her life he's super happy. He's definitely super overbearing and wants to know everything about her new friend. I don't think it comes from a place of protectiveness, but more from a place of just wanting to understand his daughter.

When reader finally comes over to hang out with Octavia, and he learns about their connection with the Imps, he's super intrigued and is constantly asking Blitzo how he knows you, which he never really answers. But this just makes Stolas even more interested in reader, both of his favorite people seem to like them so of course he does as well.

On the topic of Stolas learning about reader, I could totally see reader staying overnight with Octavia and eating dinner with them. Stolas is super excited and making sure everything is perfect for his daughter's dear friend, while Octavia is just super embarrassed. Reader doesn't even really mind because it's not often that an adult seems to care about them that much. While all this is happening Blitzo is just calling every 10 minutes to get an update on reader because he's super worried about them.

As time goes on, Stolas does start to have these fantasies of taking care of reader with Blitzo. I haven't talked about it much, but I think because Blitzo and Stolas are both parents of teenagers, they are kinda able to pick up on readers neglect and trauma in a way that Alastor and the other demons can't. So it could image Stolas wanting to give reader a better life, and it doesn't help that Blitzo seems to care about you just as much.

But liked you mentioned, most of Stolas's obsession is in his head. He might show some concern when you go out with Octavia or when you haven't shown up in a while, but he isn't ever overt with his feelings. However, he's constantly in delusions about reader and the life he could provide for them.

It makes him happy.

[punkpandapatrixk]

[PPA Masterlist] [corresponding PAC]

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[mitziholder]

I find your thoughts on fandom interesting, and in general, I'm really glad to see more discussion of the bad shit fandom can/is doing to young women in radblr spaces. But I mean this as an honest question: Why do you consider fandom not challenging writers/readers such a problem? These aren't professional writing spaces, and the vast majority of fanfic writers don't intend to go into them. Does an artistic hobby *need* to challenge its participants to be worthwhile? I mean this all really genuinely, especially as someone who *does* work in the arts and *does* actively want work that challenges me, and has traditionally prided herself on it -- are these inherent moral goods? Am I a reasonable standard to expect of other people? Is engaging with boundary-pushing art a requirement of healthy maturity? Why? Is, say, a human rights lawyer who spends her free time watching trashy reality shows blighted, somehow, by that fact? What about a cashier who watches the same stuff because she's genuinely not interested in anything else? And, given the vast majority of readers of actual books basically read the way fanfic-only readers read -- the same genres, which use well-worn tropes -- do we think fandom is actually keeping its participants from more worthwhile experiences? (I suspect you might argue this is dumbing down the publishing industry, which I would really disagree with, as someone in publishing -- I know we can all point to Ali Hazelwood or a million YA books that advertise with tropes, but I really can't emphasize enough that this has been the case since modern publishing began, and I think pinning "so-so prose that's The Same Old Shit" on the current young female writer cohort borders on sexism, tbh.) I've been thinking about these questions a lot lately, and I just don't know the answers. My gut wants to say yes, it's good to present challenging work to people, especially women, because art is a key part of the human experience, and can effect all sorts of societal things. But also ... I know very little about the environment, including my immediate natural environment, and if I'm honest, I'm not really inclined to learn. I'm sure learning about it would effect all sorts of change in my life and concept of self. But I'm probably not going to do it because I have a limited amount of time and I'd rather give it to other things. Is that better or worse than engaging with challenging art? Is it better or worse to be me than the woman reading the same old tropey fanfic in her free time? I think what I WOULD argue is that, specifically, fandom as it is reinforces patriarchy and induces a lot self-destruction and alienation in young women, with particularly vile effects on young lesbians, autistic women, etc. But if it didn't do that....would I still have a problem with it? I don't know. But it's interesting as hell to think about, and I'd love your thoughts on it.

hello nona :-) many interesting points, much to consider

>Does an artistic hobby need to challenge its participants to be worthwhile?

no. I’m sure there are plenty of people who enjoy crochet or knitting or something like that for the sake of it or to de-stress. I’m sure there are also plenty of people who write and draw for the sake of it with little interest in grinding for improvement. that’s fine. the problem is when you have people who replace reading and personal edification with endless fluff + pointless indulgence.

reading... things... that are above your level, that actually make you think, is how you increase your vocabulary, your linguistic competence, your critical thinking skills, your ability to express yourself. difficult and complex texts present you with opportunities to broaden your perspective. they stimulate your mind, present you with new ideas; they can help you grow as a person in ways that the Same Old Shit simply won’t/can’t. it would be like benching the bar every day for 10 years straight and expecting to get stronger... I presume. I don’t lift weights.

as I said previously, I don’t think fanfic is going to destroy your brain, but if you read nothing but fanfic, that is on the same level as (or maybe worse than) reading nothing at all. of course I’m going to be critical of a community of people who humblebrag about how they can’t bring themselves to read 25 pages of literature in an academic (non yaoitastic) context.

ya ya it’s a joke they’re joking very funny, but do you see people of other creative pursuits or hobbies joking about how they can’t bring themselves to focus on a piece of actual literature or nonfiction? how they have zero interest in anything outside of anime boys kissing each other? it’s a sign of intellectual stagnation (and eventual regression imo).

I watch a lot of shitty youtube videos, but I acknowledge that they are basically a waste of my time. meanwhile you have post after post singing the praises of how culturally important and worthy of respect Our Beloved Fic Writers are in spite of the fact that their work is, by and large, completely self-indulgent shit! there’s just so much potential that isn’t being tapped into & so much complacency... it’s very frustrating to me. I find it dishonest. red white and royal blue is not going to change the world... lol

for the record, yes, you are right, lots of Real book-readers also read mostly self-indulgent shit. genre fiction is far more popular than anything else... and I don’t care for booktok either. in fairness, literary fiction isn’t always good, and I’m sure there were many women who read nothing but terrible pulp novels 70 years ago too. that doesn’t make fandom any better! not to say this is all women’s fault - I just have zero frame of reference for how “cultured” men may or may not be, and I don’t really care either way. I focus on fandom girlies because they’re what I know, & I want women to be... better, or at least more interesting. this is, of course, sexist by definition. I hold myself and other women to higher standards. I will admit to that. I’ll also admit to the fact that I do not care about men or what they are writing or reading and would not give a shit if they all became illiterate thoughtless slugs. it is what it is.

truthfully, I have no interest in moralizing any of this. I just find it depressing! it’s resulting in more and more women who cannot relate to and have zero interest in anything outside of the narrowly defined fanfic bubble - so, more and more women who can’t relate to me or what I care about. I’m selfish, and I think it’s unfortunate that there are so many young female writers clearly capable of writing something interesting who nevertheless restrict themselves to lowest common denominator coombrained garbage because it’s what’s easy and popular.

do we have a responsibility to pester random strangers about their amateur fanfic? naw. who has the time? all I know is that conversations I’ve had with my female friends about our original works or other women’s writing have been vastly more substantial and enlightening than any argument about who tops or bottoms in supernatural... imo. in my opinion

re: the environment and social responsibility, I also have no interest in debating what matters are the most important and whether you have a personal, moral obligation to educate yourself about them. I recognize that we all have a limited amount of time and energy to dedicate to something which is admittedly fairly peripheral to most people’s everyday concerns (such as... paying the bills). then again, so is almost everything.

at the end of the day, I just think it is an awful shame that some women would - and they freely admit this - rather turn their brains off and do nothing, think about nothing, read the same shit over and over, watch the same shows over and over, draw and write the same things and dynamics over and over... than do anything else. anything different or thought-provoking or uncomfortable. it is a loss for the breadth and the depth of women’s contributions to culture as well as their empathy and intellectual curiosity.

obligatory food analogy: a little bit of junk food won’t kill you, but if that’s all you’re eating, you are probably not... doing... well

and that’s not even getting into the social contagion present within fandom re:mogai, relationships, and gender identity shit (which I would say probably has a lot to do with the underdeveloped critical thinking skills and worldviews of girls who read nothing but fanfiction). I would love to come back to that at some point, but I think this post is long enough, so I’ll just put a pin in it. there’s honestly an insane amount that I have to say about common talking points regarding the value of yaoi/fanfic (in terms of how they portray Marginalized Identities and Relationships and how it supposedly helps women navigate their own trauma through a proxy or some shit like that) oh god this is a horrible run-on .... that’s all for now! send post!

[oraclekleo]

33rd Birthday!

Hello my dear followers and random visitors of my blog.

I have already made a sorry announcement due to my hiatus but that’s not all I wanted to tell you.

This Monday, April 15th 2024 to be precise, is my Birthday. I’m already 33 years old! Would you believe that? I certainly wouldn’t. I feel like 16. 😂 

And how pretty the number is, right? Two threes… My life path number is also 3. How neat is that, huh?

When it comes to angel number 33, this source says the following:

“The 33 angel number means anything is possible. This powerful angel number is also known as a master number because of its double digits mirroring each other and its powerful vibrations. The number 33 is linked to themes around creative thinking, deep compassion, spiritual-level connections, discipline, and bravery. When you see this number show up it could be because it's an opportune time for a change or because patience is paramount right now in your daily life because a spiritual meaning that will have major significance is soon to be revealed.”

Nothing can be more true for me as major change is about to happen for me. I don’t want to reveal what it is just now but I will keep you informed in time. 😜

And no, I’m not dating anyone 🤣 Still happily Sexy, free and single.

I did want to celebrate my birthday with you with some sort of event but as you know I was really busy so… I guess we will celebrate my 44th Birthday properly? LOL!

Honestly, I have a lot to be grateful for in my life, you guys in my little community included. I hope we can stay together for many years that come and have some more fun with both serious and kinky tarot readings.

And those might soon become even better articulate and with much more expressive vocabulary as your girl Kleo is currently fully immersed in listening to audio erotica, which is really good! I mean… not all of it but I have already found several favourite voice actors, their voice and style really suiting me and apart from having a good time listening to it while working (yes, I do listen to audio porn while at work, sue me if you want), I also learn a lot from it. You know I can just soak information like a sponge from anything I do and well… This is a really good source. Also, I’m considering holding a voice chat once in a while with my friends now as I really want to learn to use my voice as well as I use my fingers for typing. And yes, I tested with my bestie and I nearly choked when I had to pronounce word ‘f*ck’ out loud. You wouldn’t guess it by reading my posts but I’m really talking like a lady out loud. I rarely curse or say rude words. 🤭 

I also learned about very surprising preferences through this audio erotica experience. I swear I didn’t expect to love what I love so much. It came as a shock and I truly thought my preferences to be completely different from what I actually enjoy the most. I guess there’s still a lot to learn about myself. Another great thing about my new hobby. You know how much I love to learn anything.

Anyway! That’s about my new hobby and about my approaching birthday.

Feel free to contact me through inbox or through DM or join my Discord. I don’t bite… unless you ask me to 😏 I’m also learning how to flirt better. You can be my test subject anytime. 😀 And no, it’s not to go hunt men, I’m way too old to change my ways and routines to fit another person’s lifestyle. My goal is actually much purer. I really like to make people happy and… well, I noticed people will feel happy, flattered and their self-esteem boosted when I flirt with them a little bit. Just another skill I’m learning in order to spread happiness and joy in the world. Might seem frivolous to you but… Well… I enjoy it. And that’s what counts for me.

So yeah! Happy Birthday to me! I’m not growing old, I’m only one year closer to death as my sister tells me every year since I was like 17. 😂 We are a weird family. Try not to think about it too much.

Thank you everyone who’s sticking around here. I promise I will post something soon. Maybe nothing super big but I will post. 🙂

Your forever joyful Oracle Kleo 🦄

[madness1999sworld]

Oh, what a life

Summary: Tatiana has been through hell growing up to an abusing and alcholic father and a mother just wanting to keep the peace while raising her and her little sister. What happens when she leaves her home to find a new purpose in life?

TW: cursing, fighting, 18+

Although it's not discussed that the reader is black in this chapter, she is. So, no hate or racism in my comments, ask box or messages your ass will get blocked, no questions asked. Now hope you all enjoy

Minors do not interact

Chapter 1: a new beginning

It's the middle of the day and I have been on my journey of self-discovery for almost a week and a half now. Wanting to figure out what I want to do with my life. It’s been hard but rewarding at the same time. I thought it would be better for me to leave my home due to the toxicity of my abusive alcoholic father. I couldn’t bare the pain of being hurt by him anymore but I also feel regret for leaving my mother and little sister with him. As I’m walking out of the woods I see a trail that leads to a temple of some kind in the distance. When I walk closer, I hear what is like a group of people making a sound in unison. I become curious and walk a little quicker. Once I reached the temple I saw a man standing in front of the compound, wearing a gray ninja suit with a mask on his face, all I could see was his eyes. As I walk a bit closer, he sees me and speaks

???: Hello, are you here to join the Shirai Ryu

Me: *confused* Shirai Ryu? Sorry, I don’t know what this is.

???: *gins through mask* It is quite all right.We are a clan of fighters, trained to help defend our people and our realm.

I nod my head in interest at what he said, wanting to join but am unsure whether or not I should do so, due to my appearance and hardly enough fighting skills.

???: so, are you interested in joining our clan?

Me: I am but…. *is unsure* Do you want me in your clan, I mean I’m kinda on the chubbier side of things and I don’t have much fighting skills. I only do it if I don’t have much of a choices.

???: nonsense the Shirai Ryu does not discriminate against anyone based on anything, and don't worry about your fighting skills we will help you learn more.

Me: *tankful* then I would love to, thank you for that

???: No problem, now I’ll tell the master of the clan and tell him that you would like to join.

Me: alright

I watch the man head into the temple feeling happy that I will finally have a purpose in life, instead of just searching endlessly for something that I didn’t even know what it was I wanted to do. As I wait a few more minutes I see a man walking towards me, he seems to be maybe a few years older than me, to which I think, “Could this be the master of the clan”?

Master: *stern* so you wish to join the clan?

Me: *is a bit intimidated* umm yes sir.

The Man looks at me up and down unimpressed. “I thought the guy that was out here earlier said that nobody will judge me in this clan, what the fuck”. He looks me in the eyes again and starts to speak.

Master: you look like you can hold your own, follow me, please.

I looked at him confused not expecting that compliment from him due to the way he looked at me but I followed him nonetheless. As we’re walking in the temple, it’s very nice and calming inside the gates some students are training outside whether it’s light excurses or fighting with a dummy or a partner. We head inside the temple and walk into I presume a training room area in the center of the compound. we walked to the middle of the room and stood on a fighting mat. I look around and see theirs more students watching us outside of the fighting mat.

Master: if you want to join this clan you must fight me. To see if you're good enough. No weapons, no powers. Just raw strength.

I stand in front of him shocked and in terror wondering how am i going to pull this off but still stand my ground not wanting to waste my opportunity to be in the clan.

Me: *nervous* are you sure

Master: *smirks* Yes,I am *gets in fighting position*

Me: Ok *also gets into position*

He waited for me to make the first move, I didn’t want to but I didn’t have much of a choice.so, I threw a punch as hard as I could, to which of course he doges it. He counters it with a kick to my stomach. It hurt like hell but I keep fighting through the pain. He then grabs me by the collar of my shirt and slams me to the wall.

Master: Not bad. But you're still not strong enough.

He lets me go and takes a few steps back, I get off the wall wincing in pain but continue the fight. He waited for me to make the first move again, To which I got a bit fed up. So I kick the man in the leg and follow that with a punch to his face. He falls to the ground, hurt by my attack, he gets back up into his fighting position.

Master: Not bad. But you still have much to learn.

This time I wait for him to make a strike against me. He charged at me trying to grapple me to the ground but I dodged it just in time and ended up kicking him to the ground instead. To which he got back up and tried to sweep my legs. I jump over it and back away from him. He runs after me again trying to punch me but I grab his fist and punch him instead. The master grunts in pain but quickly recovers and tries to put me up by grabbing onto my arm but I used my weight to my advances so he hopefully wouldn’t be able to pick me up and puts me over his shoulder. The master struggles trying to lift me up, which is the only time I thank the gods for the weight that I am. He then tries to think of another strategy. This gives me the advantage to knee him in the stomach and kick him in the face. Thankfully with that final blow, it ended the fight. The Master clearly hurt tries to get up but is unable to and falls back down due to pain. trying to catch his breath he said.

Master: Not bad….. You have potential.

I thank him but am trying to catch my own breath, proud of myself for beating him, and can finally join the clan. The Master sits up from the ground and tells me to sit and take a break which I do. He looks at me, breathing heavily.

Master: You have talent but you have much more to learn. Now are you ready to join the Shriai Ryu?

Me:*gins* Yes I am

Master: *smiles* good, now what is your name?

Me: My name is Tatiana but people call me Tati

Master: It nice to meet you Tati my name is Kuai Liang, but you may call me Scorpion. I will teach you everything there is to know about ninjutsu. *smiles*

Me: Thank you, Kuai Liang

Kuai Liang: You are welcome. Now let us begin training.

After everything, it has been several weeks, of working hard training in different fighting styles, and different weapons, and even enhancing my abilities. To find out I had powers of my own when I was younger things would happen but I always thought that it was coincidental or just my imagination playing tricks on me but to find out it wasn’t. I have Telekinetic powers to help me with life and battle. Kuai Liang even told me about the History of how the Shirai Ryu was formed and the clan's mission to protect Earthrealm. From what I found shocking, I feel sorry for Kuai Liang for breaking ties with his brother Bi Han but I don’t blame him for it either. I finished my daily training for the day and was told that Kuai Liang wanted to speak to me. So, I went to his office, knocking on his open door.

Me: you wanted to see me LIang

Kuai Liang: Yes. Have a seat.

Me: *sits down in front of him* is something wrong

Kuai Liang: I have a task for you Tati.

Me: What is it, Liang?

Kuai Liang: Some bandits have been causing trouble in the outskirts of the Shirai Ryu territory. I want you to track them down and take care of them.

Me: I will do everything that I can

Kuai Liang: I have faith in you Tati good luck.

He hands me a map of the location of the bandits marked on it. I thanked him and left out of the temple to look for the bandits. I make my way to where the location of them is on the map, as I get closer I hear shouting and laughter. I see a group of them gathered around a campfire, drinking and having a good time. I remanded hiding from them and listening in on their conversation.

Bandit #1: Man, this is the life! No one to tell us what to do. We can do whatever we want!

Bandit #2: Yeah, but we’re running out of food. We need to find a way to get more.

Bandit #3: I heard there’s a village nearby. We could hit it up and take whatever we want.

The men laugh and toast to their next plan. I looked at them in disgust, hating these types of people thinking that they can just do anything without there being consequences for their actions. The men are too busy celebrating to notice I’m here so, I thought why not freak them out a bit? I use my ninjutsu skills to silently move through the trees getting closer to their camp. I throw a kunai at one of the bandits, striking him in the shoulder. They all look around, startled, not knowing where I am. I throw a couple more hitting each bandit but not in a fatal area. They all seemed to panic and try to flee but I made sure they were not able to by incapacitating them with sudden strikes. The leader, I presume, gets up and tries to attack me but I overpowered him easily. I appear In front of all of them giving them a warning to leave and never come back or else. They shake their heads vigorously and scurry away tripping over themselves out of fear. I roll my eyes at The cowards and head back to the temple to let Kuai Liang know that the bandits have been taken care of.

*back at the temple*

Kuai Liang: Excellent work, Tatiana

Me: Thank you, Liang

Kuai Liang: You did well. I am proud of you. You have proven yourself to be a valuable member of the Shirai Ryu. *smiles*

Me: I’m honored. *bows*

Kuai Liang: Alright, this time I have a special assignment for you. I need you to go to the Wu Shi Academy and deliver a message to Master Bo Rai Cho. it is an urgent matter.

He hands me the scroll that has the message inside it. I take it carefully not wanting to drop it or break it open. I place it in my belt holster to make sure it stays firmly in place, so nothing will happen to it.

Me: Of course, I won't fail you.

He nods his head, letting me know that he believes in me, in not failing this task. I look down at the scroll to make sure everything is in order and make my way to the Wu Shi Academy. Once I made it to the entrance to the Academy I saw an elderly man sitting down outside and looked to be meditating. I didn’t want to disturb him but I knew this was an urgent matter so, I walked up to him closer.

Me: Excuse me, but are you Bo Rai Cho by any chance?

He opens his eyes and looks at me a bit confused yet cautious but nods his head regardless.

Bo Rai Cho: Yes I am. Who are you?

Me: My name is Tatiana, I was sent here by Master Kuai Liang from the Shirai Ryu to give you this urgent message.

I give him the scroll with the message inside. He takes it and reads carefully, understanding the urgency behind the message. He looked at me again and began to speak.

Bo Rai Cho: I see, Thank you for delivering this message. Please tell Kuai Liang that I will do everything in my power to help the Shirai Ryu.

Me: You're welcome and Thank you, I will let him know as soon as I get there.

As I leave the academy to make my way back to the Shirai Ryu to tell Master Liang I delivered the scroll, I feel a strange present behind me. Looked and saw a figure in the shadows, soon realizing that it was Sub-Zero, the grandmaster of the Lin Kuei clan. I immediately get into my fighting position even if I’m a bit nervous.

Me: What do you want?

He walks out of the shadows slowly and menacingly, watching me. Not taking his eyes off me for a single second.

Bi Han: I heard that you're the new member of my foolish brother’s clan. Am I correct?

Me: why do you care?

He walks closer to me, his breath frosting up in the air. I’m still standing in my fighting position, wondering “What the hell is this guy gonna do”?

Bi Han: I care because you are working with the enemy. The Lin Kuei have been enemies with them ever since my brother formed that clan.

Me: They’re the enemies *roll eyes* You’re the enemy. You're the one who betrayed your family and realm because you were selfish and just wanted more power.

I continued to stand my ground, pissed that he would even think that I would betray my clan just like that. If anyone was foolish it would be him. I guess I pulled a nerve cause he started throwing ice balls at me i blocked myself from them but the ice was getting to me, making me feel weak and tired. I use my telekinetic powers to stop the ice balls. He was shocked to see his ice balls just floating in thin air. He looks at me in surprise. It allowed me to throw the ice balls back at him and kick him in the face. He stumbles backwards, grunting in pain. He looks at me in anger.

Bi Han: You have some skills I’m impressed

He raises his hands creating an ice wall in front of us blocking my exit. I take out my sticks, which I am temporarily using for training purposes. I start attacking him with them, he dodges my hits and counters them with his hands. He uses his powers again to create an ice blade and tries to cut me. I block his attack and hit him in the knee with one of my sticks. He grunts and falls to the ground, Sub-Zero looks at me in hatred.

Bi Han: You’re good, but not good enough.

He attacks me again by creating a barrage of icicles with his powers and sending them flying towards me. I use my powers to stop them and have them fall to the ground all around me but making sure they don’t hurt me. Sub-Zero becomes more frustrated that I keep avoiding his attacks. He concentrates and creates a massive ice wall in front of me, it’s so thick that I can barely see through it. I hear him stepping back waiting to see if I can break through it. I take a few deep breaths, focusing on my senses, once I am ready, I created a sonic boom with my mind breaking the ice wall and knocking sub-zero backward due to the fore of it. He has a look on his face, of anger and respect.

Me: It’s over Sub-Zero. Just give up.

Bi Han: You are powerful. But I am not one to give up so easily.

He gets back up and readies himself into a fighting position. I become even more annoyed and get into my fighting position again. Sub-zero starts running toward me and attacks me with a fury of punches and kicks, he is fast and powerful but lucky I can keep up blocking each attack and even landing a few of my own on. He looks tired but keeps fighting me with all his might. I seep his feet which caught him off guard and falls. He tries to get back up but I pin him to the ground, he tries to break free but I punch him in the face knocking him out. “Finally this fight is over”. I breathe heavily trying to catch my breath, thanking the gods that it’s finally over. I looked around the wood trail and realized that I just fought Sub-zero and not only that I’ve won.

Me: *whispers* Holy Shit. I just fought Sub-Zero. And won, I need to tell Master Kuai Liang.

I start climbing up the trees to make my way to the temple only to stop in my tracks to see Lin Kuei soldiers walking around the woods monitoring the area, most likely waiting for Sub-zero’s report. I make sure that they don’t see me, still moving from tree to tree. Escaping the scene, making my way back to the Shirai Ryu. I made it outside of the gate of the temple. I stop to catch my breath for a moment and look at the temple.

Me: I made it, now I must find Master Kuai Liang and tell him what happened after giving the scroll to Bo Rai Cho.

I make my way inside the temple looking for Kuai Liang eagerly wanting to tell him what happened. As I searched, I found him sitting in his throne room looking out at the courtyard. I walked up to him but calmed myself before speaking.

Me: master I have returned, You will never guess what happened, on my way back home.

He smiles when he sees me, but Immediately stands up and walks toward me, curious about what I have to say.

Kuai Liang: What happened?

Me: After giving the message to Bo Rai Cho, Sub-zero appeared behind me on my way back home.

Kuai Liang: *surprised* You’ve encountered Sub-Zero

Me: Yes Master.

Kuai Liang: What happened?

I told him everything from Bi Han appearing in the shadows to me beating him and escaping the woods with his soldiers waiting for their next order from him. Kuai Liang looked at me proudly, impressed.

Kuai Liang: So you defeated Sub-Zero. That is quite a feat. I am so Proud of you. You have done well. Your skills and dedication have not gone unnoticed.

Me: Thank you, Master.

Kuai Liang: come I have something to show you.

I follow him through the temple to a small room. There I see a pedestal in the center of the room and on top of it, two swards are there, one sword has a long, curved blade and a handle that has a red cloth wrapped around it. The blade is made from this mysterious, shimmering black material. The second blade is made from pure silver, it has an intricate design etched onto the blade. The hilt is wrapped in black leather and has a red dragon carved on it.

Kuai Liang: these swords used to belong to my father the grandmaster of the Lin Kuei but due to the circumcisions between me and my brother they stay here at the Shirai Ryu.

Me: they're beautiful.

Kuai Liang: Yes they are. But now I would like for you to have them. Take them you have earned it.

Me: Really? *shocked* Thank you Master

Kuai Liang: You are welcome. My student. But remember these swords are not just weapons they are a symbol of the responsibilities you have to protect this clan and our values. I have faith in you and I know you will make us proud.

He hands me both swords and puts his hand on my shoulder, reassuring me.

Me: I’ll do everything that I can.

Kuai Liang: *smiles and nods his head* I know you will. Now go. Train hard. You have a long journey ahead of you.

I bow to him and start making my way to the training room, as I leave I hear Kuai Liang calling out to me.

Kuai Liang: remember my student, The path of a warrior is not easy, but it is worth the journey. You have the strength and determination to succeed.

Me: I won’t forget.

I enter the training room and start training for a few hours before heading to my room as I finish up, a thought comes to me. “ Whatever happened to that guy that I met that, that was in front of the temple gates when I first arrived here”?

[roseofdarknessblog]

The Most Beautiful Season (Reiner Braun x Marleyan!Reader)

Word count: 3 930

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

Summary: You and Reiner are still trying to recover from your past mistakes. Now more than ever, because your little family of two will soon have a new addition.

This story can be read on its own or as a part of my little post-war series: House by the ocean

The Most Beautiful Season

Your favorite season was here once again – fall. You’ve loved it since you were little and even after so many years, you were always the most excited, when nature started to change and fall was just around the corner. Yes, the hot summer weather was nice, mainly in your new home on the coastline, but you couldn’t wait for fall to finally arrive and show you, just how beautiful your new home could get.

Marley was always beautiful this time of the year. Trees in the nearby forest just outside Liberio started to change colors midway through September and by the end of the month, the majority of the forest was almost unrecognizable. Wandering around there, collecting colorful leaves just for fun, or reading at the bank of the river was like a dream come true.

However, this wasn’t Marley and the forest you used to know. That was long gone and never coming back to see another fall season again. Your old home was completely destroyed and the people you once used to know – all of your old friends and neighbors – were dead. Everything from your childhood only existed in your memories now.

And even after almost a year, it was still hard to come to terms with. All of what happened still felt surreal, just like a nightmare, which is going to end soon. But no. There was no waking up from reality.

„You’re getting pretty good at this,“ you said with a smile, looking over your shoulder. Reiner was standing there, his fingers more easily than ever braiding your hair. It got pretty long over the last few months. „Who knows, maybe you’ll need this skill in the near future.“

„I don’t think it would be this easy with short hair. There won’t be much to work with,“ he said, concentrating on every move of his fingers. Although he was getting better and better at braiding your hair and could do a couple of different styles now, he still had a lot to learn. Better said, he wanted to learn since doing this helped him relax. And it was a nice way to spend time together, you had to admit that. „But if I’ll have the opportunity, I’ll definitely try it.“

„Well, her hair is not going to be short forever.“

„Yeah, I know that. But there is still a pretty big chance it’s going to be a he.“

You smiled and dipped your paintbrush into the prettiest shade of pink you’ve ever mixed together. „Would you like that more? If we had a son?“

„It doesn’t matter, honey. All I want is for you both to be okay. That will make me perfectly happy.“

You could feel him smile, as he kissed you behind your left ear. One of his hands let go of your hair for a second, gently caressing your belly. It was still pretty small and if you put on a baggier piece of clothing, it was easy to hide it. But not so much in the long light-brown dress you were wearing at that moment. It hugged your body in all the right places, now your growing belly including. And Reiner loved that – seeing that your love created a new life, that would be born into a completely different world than in which the two of you grew up.

„Pieck is thinking about moving over here. I got her letter this morning,“ Reiner said while he continued to braid your hair and simultaneously watch as you paint the scenery in front of your eyes – the view of the cliffs and ocean from your garden. They were the prettiest during sunsets, especially ones as beautiful as the one that was happening right at that moment. „What do you think about it?“

„It would be lovely to have her close by, she’s always been really nice to me. And maybe the seaside would help her dad’s medical condition as well.“

„He got some new medicine recently and is doing much better now.“

„I’m glad to hear that, really.“

You got to know the Warrior’s parents and many more Eldians on the train, that took you from Liberio to Fort Salta. As you were all running from the Rumbling, you had the perfect chance to get to know the people you were supposed to hate. And Mr. Finger was one of them. Even during the end of the world, all he was thinking about was his only daughter.

During that time, it was probably the same for your own father. When Mr. Leonhart with some other Eldians took him, now a former Marleyan soldier, captive and he bargained with them, to let you come with them as well. Back then he still loved you. Back then... back then he wasn’t disappointed that you fell in love with an Eldian.

„Speaking of fathers...“ Reiner said, probably feeling how you tensed up.

„I’m trying not to think about it.“

„I heard you cry last night and in the morning as well.“ You nodded, not even trying to deny how much this whole situation still hurt you.

Many months went by without you seeing your father – your only living parent. And when you finally gathered up the courage to return to Marley, to the place where he lived now, he didn’t even bother to let you inside the house. You stayed there for almost a week, trying over and over again every single day multiple times. But your father didn’t change his mind. For him, you were a lost cause and the biggest disappointment of his life. All of that because you chose to live a happy life with Reiner.

And despite that, you still tried. Over and over again. You still wrote him a letter and sent it every single week. Sometimes there were many things you wanted to tell him, and sometimes you didn’t really have anything interesting to write about. But you still thought of some things and sent at least a couple of lines. Every letter ended the same way – you reminded him how much you still loved him and how much you missed seeing him.

„I know it still hurts and you can’t imagine how sorry I am, that your father is acting like this. But I don’t want you stressing yourself out because of him. Not now and not ever.“

You smiled for yourself, while Reiner finished braiding your hair. His arms immediately wrapped around your waist, his palms resting on your stomach. He was ecstatic when you told him about your pregnancy right after you came back from Marley. You knew about the baby even before that but didn’t want to say anything, as you didn’t want Reiner to come with you. And if he knew, that you were carrying his child, he would never let you go alone.

The baby wasn’t planned. At least not right now. But none of you tried to prevent a possible pregnancy by all means. You simply let that part of your life be, leaving all in the hands of fate. You tried to believe, that everything was just as it was supposed to be. For some reason, you were meant to get pregnant right now. Maybe that’s why you felt so much peace and joy.

Yes, becoming parents sounded pretty scary, mainly because both you and Reiner were still slowly healing and adjusting to your new life. Knowing, that you’ll soon be a family of three, seemed to help you as well. Both of you were trying your best every single day so that everything will be more than perfect for the day your baby makes the grand entrance into this world.

Reiner was worried about becoming a father, of course, he was. He never really knew his own dad, which made him second-guess himself in many things. Even now, months before your due date and his first-ever chance to hold his firstborn child. But you were more than sure, that he would do great.

„I was thinking about writing him again and telling him about the baby. It’s not like I have anything to lose.“

„Did you want to tell him, when you were in Marley?“

You shrugged, putting your brush down. The sky above your head was stunning, all you could see were the most beautiful shades of pink and gold. You didn’t feel like painting anymore today. Even though the weather was still very nice and warm during the day, when the sun set, it started to get cold pretty soon.

„It’s not like he would be excited like your mom.“

„Even I was in shock over her reaction,“ Reiner admitted, carefully turning you around in his embrace and kissing your forehead gently. „I think she’ll enjoy being a grandma.“

Your relationship with Karina was... still developing. At first, she too was against you and Reiner being together. But she very quickly changed her mind, when she saw how happy you made her son. After the two of you moved away from Marley, she came to visit twice before deciding that living near you would be a great idea. After finding a small apartment in the heart of the town, she happily left Marley behind as well. Since then, she came over to your cottage at the coastline at least once a week and tried to mend her strained relationship with you and Reiner as well.

„What is it?“ you asked, cupping his cheeks. Something was bothering him, and you hated to see that.

„Nothing, I just... I just wish that we could stop worrying about our parents.“

„Not to sound negative, but I don’t think we’ll be able to do that.“

Reiner loved his mother, but their relationship was complicated. Karina made a lot of mistakes while raising her son, mainly thinking about herself and her wish of becoming an honorary Marleyan. She used her son for her own good while feeding Reiner lies after lies. She very well knew, that his father, a Marleyan, would never come home to them and they would never live as a happy family. But she kept convincing him, that when he becomes a Warrior, his dad will finally love him.

„I just hope we won’t make the same mistakes they did while raising us.“

„We won’t,“ you reassured him, gently brushing your lips over his mouth. „We’ll make some new ones,“ you added, making Reiner smile. Seeing him in a mood like this was something very precious to you. „And that’s okay. I don’t think anybody knows how to be a perfect parent. We’ll figure everything out.“

„Well, it’s not like we’ll be completely clueless. We successfully raised six ducklings without any of them dying or running away.“

Both of you lovingly looked over to the part of your garden, which was reserved for the ducks you got from a nearby farm when they were still tiny little babies. They were free to roam the garden most of the time, but sometimes it was nice to put them behind a fence and not worry about them always getting in your way. Mainly, when Reiner was home, as they loved to follow him around since they were tiny.

Reiner helped you put away your painting stuff before it got dark, and then both of you said good night to your ducks. You did it every single evening, making it an unskippable part of your night routine. After that, Reiner helped you make dinner, which he had to eat alone in the end. Your nausea was still coming and going, even now during the second trimester. One minute you were fine and enjoying your pregnancy, the other you felt like dying from all the symptoms.

„I wish I could do something to help you feel better,“ Reiner said when he finally came out of the shower and slipped into bed beside you.

„It’s fine, don’t worry,“ you assured him with an exhausted smile. „I just hoped that these symptoms would go away, but I still feel awful most of the time.“

„But you still have that beautiful pregnancy glow.“

You smiled, cuddling up to Reiner and making yourself comfortable in his arms. Even if you spent the entire day together, this was your favorite time. Being so close to him and spending the last couple of minutes or hours before sleeping just peacefully talking and holding onto each other. Sweet everyday moments like this from your domestic life were your most treasured ones. They were everything you dreamed about just a year ago. And now you had the chance to enjoy them whenever you wanted.

„I have the next few days off work, so we can spend time together. If you’ll feel up to it, we can walk around a little. I know how much you like fall nature.“

„I keep thinking about the forest outside Liberio. It used to be so pretty this time of the year. I loved spending time there.“

„Gabi loved wondering alongside the river. Even if she wasn’t allowed to go there very often.“

As he said those words a sad realization came down on you. Of course, that life back in Liberio wasn’t the same for all of you. While you had all the freedom you wanted, Reiner, his family, and friends were forced to live by very different rules. Leaving the internment zone wasn’t easy for everyone. All Eldians needed special permission and not everyone was able to get it.

„Hey, what’s wrong? Did I say something?“ Reiner asked worriedly when he saw the smile from your face vanish and your eyes grow sad.  

„No, I just... keep forgetting how differently we grew up. The things I took for granted were never like that for you or Gabi.“

With an almost sad smile, Reiner kissed the top of your head. „No need to be sad about that. We can’t change it now.“

„I know, but sometimes... sometimes I can’t help but think about how wrong I was for most of my life. I never questioned anything Marley taught me about your people, just hated your kind like everybody around me. Without realizing, that all of you have nothing to do with the actions of your ancestors. I... I wanted all of you gone, so we won’t have to fear your kind ever again.“

„I think we can both agree, that we had no other choice back then. We simply had to believe everything our parents, teachers, and the military were telling us. We didn’t know any better, we were just kids who grew up in a hate-driven environment.“

„And where did that get us? How many people lost their lives because of it?“

You didn’t know, exactly how many people may have lost their lives during the Rumbling. And maybe it was for the best. Knowing about all that damage in detail would do nothing, only make you feel even worse.

„Why are you thinking about it now?“

„Because...“ You took a deep breath, your right hand coming to rest on your belly. „We’ll soon be parents as well. We’ll have our own child and it’s going to be our responsibility to raise them into a good and proper human being. And when I look back at how we were raised...“

„I thought we already discussed this. We won’t make the same mistakes as our parents. Simply because we want our child to have a better life.“

You nodded, lifting your head from Reiner’s chest. It was obvious, that he was sometimes thinking about similar things. After all, both of you were still learning and changing with every passing day. And now, with you being pregnant, both you and Reiner seemed to think about the past even more. Talking about all of it was necessary but painful nonetheless.

And now even more than ever.

Now, just a few months before your baby will be born.

„I’ll do everything for them, Y/N. I’ll love them more than you can even imagine. More than both of our parents loved either of us.“ His hand came to rest over yours which was still on your belly, his lips pressing against your mouth in a sweet reassuring kiss.

„I know you will, Reiner,“ you whispered still just a few inches from his mouth.  

„You can count on me in everything, you know that, right? I promise to never leave you or the baby. And I promise to give you everything you’ll need.“

You smiled and leaned closer for another kiss, cupping his cheek with your free hand. „You don’t have to promise me anything. I never doubted you. Not for a single second.“

Him feeling insecure was something you were expecting. That’s why you tried your hardest every single day, to let him know that you believe in him. You had no reason to doubt him or his words. Reiner loved you and did his absolute best for you and the baby from the very second you told him about your pregnancy.

He was fussing around you every chance he got, some days not letting you do absolutely anything, reminding you that you need to rest as much as possible. Sometimes it was annoying, but you knew Reiner only meant well. This was simply his way of showing you how much he cared – taking as much as he could upon himself, so you don’t have to lift a finger.

There still were many things you wanted and needed to talk about. But all of them could wait. With one last sweet kiss, you rested your head on Reiner’s chest again and closed your eyes. It was already pretty late and you could tell, Reiner was just as exhausted as you.

That’s why you hoped for a quiet and peaceful night.

But all of your hopes were shattered when dreams about your father woke you up multiple times. The last one made you feel such pain and discomfort, that you started crying almost immediately after opening your eyes. Not wanting to wake Reiner up, you carefully got up and left your shared bedroom.

Sobbing quietly, you sat down at the dining table and buried your face into your hands. Whatever you did, you couldn’t stop being like this. You couldn’t stop thinking and worrying about him. If your heart could take such pain, you would be standing at his door every single day and waiting for him to finally let you in and have a talk with you. But that wasn’t an option, definitely not now. You had to think of your unborn baby... and yourself too. It wouldn’t help anyone if you physically and emotionally destroyed yourself for someone, who simply didn’t care.

Even if that person raised you and loved you for so many years.

But just until...

„EREN!“

You immediately jumped to your feet, when Reiner’s scream echoed through the entire house. With a pounding heart, you hurried back to the bedroom. Reiner was already sitting at the edge of the bed, too busy trying to catch his breath to notice you standing at the door. His pillow was laying on the floor, while the bedsheets were tossed all over the bed.

Without saying anything, you walked over to the bed and knelt down in front of him, reaching for his hands. You ran your thumbs over his knuckles, before pulling his hands closer and gently kissing them.

When Eren’s name was mentioned this late during the night, it was obvious, that none of you would get any proper rest. Not when Reiner woke up screaming, crying, and covered in a cold sweat, barely able to catch his breath.

„It’s fine, you’re okay, Reiner,“ you said quietly and reached for his face. Carefully, you grabbed his chin and made him look right at you. Seeing tears building up in his honey-gold eyes shattered your heart probably for the millionth time. „It was just a nightmare. You know he’s gone now.“

Even if you never knew the Eren he met back at Paradis, during his years at the military academy, and only knew that version of him, which tried to destroy the world, you tried not to hate him. You didn’t know and couldn’t fully understand what that boy went through and why exactly he did what he did. But during times like this, when you saw how Reiner still suffered because of all that... you let hate and anger take over you. And it always took you some time to remind yourself, that hate was precisely what brought you here. Into this new world, which almost didn’t even get the chance to exist.

„Everything that happened... it was my fault.“ He was so sure that what he was saying was the only and ultimate truth. Maybe that was the most painful thing for you. Him being too hard on himself over every single thing that went wrong.

Thinking about what he said, you shook your head. „We’ve talked about this many times and you know, that it’s not true. It simply... it had to happen.“

„But if it wasn’t for me...“

„It was never just you, Reiner.“ You wiped away his tears, smiling when he slipped down from the bed and sat down next to you. One of his strong arms wrapped around your shoulders, while the other caressed your belly. „We both love you so, so, so much,“ you assured him, kissing his cheek.

Letting him cry and grieve was important from the very start. There was nothing bad about it. Not after all of what he went through. Just as he accepted your tears, when you felt sad because of your father, you accepted all of the things which brought tears to his eyes.

Moments like this were the hardest and most painful when it came to healing. And there was simply no way around them. Both of you had to go straight through and feel all that pain many more times before you were finally ready to let go.

„Your eyes are puffy, were you crying?“ he asked after a minute of silence, both of you cuddled up to each other, while still sitting on the hard wooden floors.

You didn’t want to talk about it, so you simply shook your head and buried your face into his shoulder. He was still shaking slightly when you pressed your lips against his neck and wrapped your arm around his body.

„I love you,“ Reiner said, pulling you closer and making you sit in his lap. He needed to feel you as close as possible, to be sure he was back in reality now. „Guess these sleepless nights are good for something, don’t you think?“

„What exactly are they good for?“ you asked teasingly, hugging him around the neck and resting your forehead against his.

His arms were wrapped around your waist, making sure to be as gentle with you as possible. He was always like this, but since you told him about the baby, he sometimes treated you as if you were made of glass. Not to mention all the love you could see in his eyes every single time he looked at you.  

„We’ll be used to waking up and not getting much sleep once the baby is here.“

What a bittersweet moment that was. When Reiner’s smile and your laugh once again turned into tears full of unimaginable pain and regrets. These feelings never seemed to go away. They kept sticking around, looking over your shoulder, and making sure you don’t take life lightly and don’t laugh too much and too sincerely.

Well... at least for now.

[bunmellos]

Hi!! Huge fan of your artwork and I’ve been following you for a while now!

I was wondering if you had any advice for people wanting to become music majors/professional musicians? I’m currently a senior in high school and I want to play saxophone professionally, but the thought of entering the “music world” (which many people have said is unstable and hard to make money in) scares me a little. If there’s any advice you can give on college and life as a musician I’d love to hear it!

aah thank you!! music is definitely a difficult field to get started in. the culture around our instruments and repertoire are pretty different but here’s a couple tips that are universal:

1. whether they’re required or not, try to fit some pedagogy(teaching) classes into your curriculum. teaching is one of the best ways to ensure you have a steady income, which is really hard to come by as a freelance musician and/or someone fresh out of college. teaching privately allows you to set your own schedule, rates, and policies, and personally i think it’s very rewarding to watch your students grow and get to know all sorts of people :> middle schoolers are really fun to interact with LOL

2. try to build relationships with your peers, instructors, and community members. this one is really important in my opinion! iirc pretty much all the gigs ive booked came about because i was recommended/invited by a friend or mentor, and my good relationship with local orchestra teachers led them to recommend me to their students for private lessons. how you play is definitely important, but networking is one of the most vital skills for a musician to have

3. in a similar vein, try to jump on opportunities even if they’re daunting! usually they aren’t as bad as you think they’ll be (i get crazy anxious when i go into a new situation or even when preparing for first rehearsals of a concert cycle, so i’m still working on this one lol)

4. don’t limit yourself to /just/ performance. i’ve known lots of fantastic musicians who manage different aspects of a professional ensemble, do instrument maintenance, etc., while still playing on the side. one of the most rewarding jobs i’ve ever had was when i worked in a music store as a string specialist. i learned what makes a quality instrument, differences in materials, basic string repair, even a little bit about winds and brass (as a violinist i still can’t believe brass players bathe their instruments O_O)

as for school itself, i think the most important thing is that you get along with your private teacher, since they’ll be your closest collaborator. take lots of auditions and take advantage of the built in rehearsal+practice time! i rushed through school as fast as possible because despite its wonderful music program i Hated my university and where it was located and i’m still kicking myself for graduating asap instead of taking my time.

currently i definitely take a defensive approach to being a musician. as you’ve probably noticed, most of my advice leans on leaving yourself other options in case playing professionally full-time doesn’t work out. obviously i don’t know the full extent of your situation but most people don’t get the performance job they hope for straight out of school- music programs are notoriously bad for failing to set their graduates on a steady career path, which unfortunately is just how it goes with the arts. i’m still trying to figure out what i want to do and i constantly have to remind myself that my life isn’t over just because i’m not soloing with orchestras around the world or whatever at 23 years old; im still growing as a musician even after graduating with a degree and i have my whole life to improve !! which i think is one of the most important things to remember

i think that’s about it for now but let me know if you have any other questions :] good luck!!

[b-courageous1010]

Day 17: Imposter Syndrome

I want to talk about imposter syndrome real quick. I touched on it a while ago but with recent events, I realized I will probably deal with it my entire life. Before, I gave tips on combating imposter syndrome, but this time I want to talk about the different types and provide some insight into how you can change your perspective. In essence, imposter syndrome is basically how you perceive yourself.

Self-defined Imposter: 

The natural genius – These people were often told they were smart from a young age. They're used to performing well relatively quickly. Because of this, they also set their internal bar for success incredibly high. When they cannot do something quickly and easily, they become anxious. 

Perspective change: 

Practice internal validation - Nobody should have more power to make you feel good about yourself than you. When you practice internal validation, you boost your confidence and realize that your positive energy must come from within.

Tip: Affirmations are a great way to practice internal validation.

Self-defined Imposter: 

The perfectionist – Set unrealistic goals for themselves. When they fail to reach their goals, they experience unhealthy self-doubt.  

Perspective change: 

See yourself As a work in progress: Accept that growing involves making mistakes. If you are not making mistakes, you're probably stagnating.

Try to look at them as opportunities to learn something new.

Self-defined Imposter: 

The Soloist – Takes independence a little too far. They may see asking for help as a weakness and try to do everything on their own. They fear that asking a question may reveal that they are not up to par with the job.  

Perspective change: 

Realize there's no shame in asking for help - If you don’t know how to do something or struggle to solve a problem, ask a coworker. Asking good questions is a great skill, but it takes practice. You won't know if you don't ask.

Wrap up:

Separating my performance from my identity: While my career is significant and will continue to be a central pillar in my life, I am learning how to separate my identity from my performance. This is due to me letting my job consume all areas of my life almost.

I got much work done and now understand the scoping process more. I thought my boss would give me negative feedback, but he didn’t. It shows that things are sometimes far worse in my head. Imposter syndrome will probably not entirely disappear; changing your perspective can help ease these feelings.

[shitposting4squares]

half life theory

So I saw this conversation between two people on discord, “You know, I realised something In Half Life 1, Gordon, a physicist, is the most dangerous thing for the army that came to kill the scientists (edited) Not the aliens, not the tentacles coming out of the ground that gibs everything No Gordon fucking Freeman is the biggest threat there” “i mean only because hes supposed to approach combat in a methodical/scientific way, as apposed to the monsters and military, the whole tagline for the first game was "run think shoot live", the combat and environments are presented like a puzzle so in that way of course a scientist is goin to dominate” And it got me thinking, you know what actually makes Gordon so unstoppable? Cus i dont think it’s the whole being a scientist thing. For one, he's outfitted with super science gear like the hev suit and experimental weapons. But more importantly, he’s got a massive supply of miracle cures from another dimension. Gordon wouldn't matter for jack shit if black mesa hadn't set up medical centers full of xen healing goop every 20 feet that let him learn from his mistakes in ways no other human soldier had the opportunity to do up until that point. I mean in the regular military, you generally don't get the chance to learn from the mistake of being shot. You just get shot once or twice and you're done for. And as for the theory I developed from this... This healing goo situation could actually be a great reason why g-man would have had to wait a few years to release Gordon again. He'd have to wait until the ant lion healing goop became ubiquitous across locations Gordon would have to travel through, so Gordon could effectively use his skills to speedily rip through locations like a human bullet. Maybe even poke at the threads of fate to ensure Gordon would have recovery tools when needed. Essentially gman and his associates being a level design game developer making sure Gordon has suit chargers and healing goop whenever things get hairy. And with him encouraging the development of the black mesa action protagonist format that was potentially refined not just through Gordon, but with Adrian Shepard, Colette Green, Gina Cross, and Barney Calhoun as well.

Like Black Mesa coulda been an outstanding experiment and proof of concept for a somewhat omnipotent being of how to create human torpedoes if ya really think about it. Learning what sort of conditions lead to humans becoming absurdly lethal super soldiers within the span of just a few days, and how to optimize this process. Not just in the sense of the real life developers of half life learning and growing from the franchise. But g-man and his mysterious benefactors, canonically, in universe, using the events at black mesa and all it’s expansions and spin offs, as practice for the events of half life 2, alyx, and eventually someday half life 3. Just the typical videogame format of having a power and skill progression could take on a new meaning if ya look at it from an in universe context rather than just a pretext for fun gameplay. Instead consider it as a semi-omnipotent being, learning that if you put a human far enough from something you want destroyed, manage their increase of skill and power by putting them through progressively more difficult situations one after the other, with liberal access to resources and fast recovery tools. Then within 2-4 days you’ll be able to hit your enemy with a powerhouse super soldier that seemed to come out of nowhere and they had little opportunity to prepare against because of just how quickly these humans are able to go from zero to hero in optimal conditions. And even though not all of the black mesa event protagonists have been guaranteed to have have survived, so long as they're able to achieve a otherwise impossible goal before their death, they would still count as data towards refining the black mesa action hero method and being able to replicate it to use against the combine. Like if you think about it, each of the half life 1 protagonists could fit in nicely as tests/proof of concepts for different tasks, and different kinds of optimizations for these so called hero types. Like Gordon is solo act/jack of all trades, Collett and Gina are a co-op duo (potentially helpful data for when gordon and alyx would have to work together in the future), Barney is specialized for escort quests of non-combatants, Adrian is a squad leader of more combat focused types, and Alyx is a backup jack of all trades and test to make sure that the system of having a human run a gauntlet of challenges optimized for their growth still works effectively in a post combine world. Could probably even measure when these environmental conditions of having frequent healing and the opportunity for rapid skill progression that comes along with it really came together in the post combine earth, by how and when Alyx was able to become a near unstoppable human badass in her own spin off game.

[yellowhollyhock]

For 03 Donnie 4 5 and 21

you’re the best ❤️

4 If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Hmm… I went back and forth a lot with this. Star Trek is right there… but I choose Over the Garden Wall. His skillset would be distinct there, and it could be interesting to watch how his mechanical mind does, or sometimes doesn’t, come in handy in the various metaphysical situations they find themselves in. Also, it’s a story about family, and trauma is a big recurring theme. I think there could be interesting opportunities both for him to grow and to help. He’d be older than Wirt and Greg and would definitely try to help—but would they trust him? He’s a big talking turtle and he’s carrying a weapon. He and Beatrice would get along I think, but Wirt also doesn’t trust her. Greg would remind him so much of Mikey it hurts.

I don’t know, I feel like this one is a nice compromise between others I was thinking of. He’d get to use his skills but wouldn’t be too useful, lots of new different things for him to explore and learn about, some friends for him to make, some horrors to be had.

5 what song comes to mind

Quitting Time by The Roches. Partially just because The Roches are on his wiki as one of his faves, which is the original reason I looked them up, which is how I discovered this song. Also because though

It’s got this sort of daydreamy quality. To me being a dreamer is essential to Don’s character. It also has a theme of being overworked or caring too much about your work, maybe even missing out on what’s really important because you were working instead. Also this verse

Old industrial skyline

Drawing away from you

You are the one that’s moving

You are the fool that flew

You are the fool that flew

^SAINW

21 if you write fanfiction, what do you enjoy doing with this character? what do you dislike?

I like making Donny heal. Whether it looks like telling someone about what’s been weighing on him, a slow adjustment to a new situation, pursuing a healthy relationship and making himself an identity outside of his trauma… the common thread is, it’s comforting and fun to write about his life getting better after all the horrors he’s seen. I project on this guy like crazy, legit sometimes my stories start out as personal pieces exploring how I might take action to heal from past events, but make him do it instead because his hurts are more concrete and healing is easier to imagine. Then if I think it’s in character or a fun concept, I polish it up for sharing

What I don’t like? writing technobabble. I want him to come up with clever solutions and show off his tech skills, but that would require me to think of clever solutions and understand science well enough to pretend to talk about it. Especially difficult when it’s not just real science, I gotta try to figure out which ideas I’m taking from canon and whether I have to/even can expand on them in a way that makes any sense. So it’s figuring out how to make real science mesh with canon science, usually ending up with something that is… neither 😑

[sparklingyandere]

Can I request a yandere zhongli ax male yaksha x yandere Xiao pls

Title: protection

Word count: 1.4k

Summary: yan! xiao / gn! reader / yan! zhongli. You need help, and your dearest companions are quick to your rescue. 

Warnings: mild yandere, codependence, mild violence, xiao is called alatus, zhongli is called rex lapis

Note: this was written with male reader in mind, but i ended up not using any gendered language

Alatus was your senior yaksha. Being an adepti, you had great martial prowess and years of experience. Being a new recruit to Rex Lapis’s army, however, you had much to learn in the way of skill. Lucky for you, Alatus was willing to mentor you.

In his own words, the wrath of fallen gods never sleeps. Free time was sparse for him, but on days where weaker gods posed little threat to Liyue, he somehow found time to train with you.

His training was a bit… strict, you did it perfectly or you did it wrong. Still, you felt yourself growing stronger after each session.

The other yakshas noted the amount of time you spent together. They had no need for training, and they were much too busy to spare time to train you, so Alatus was the warrior that you saw the most. They didn’t seem to mind though, sometimes giggling amongst themselves when you two walked into a room together. It was like they knew something you didn’t.

Though Alatus was your mentor, Rex Lapis was your idol. From humble beginnings, fending for yourself, Rex Lapis had taken you in and taught you to utilize your strength for the good of others. You had always had to look after yourself, so having to look out for the safety of an entire nation… It was quite a heavy weight, but Rex Lapis had been so helpful. He was so responsible and wise, you looked up to him more than anyone else.

Whenever you found time, between training and fighting, you spent it with Rex Lapis. You would ask him questions, which he often answered thoughtfully, in such a way that left you even more curious. Your conversations lasted for ages because of this cycle, but you didn’t mind.

Everything you had, you owed to those two.

Over time, though you felt you were getting more capable, you were assigned less missions by Rex Lapis. The missions you did get seemed to stagnate in difficulty. It frustrated you, but when you confronted Rex Lapis, he would tell you that he knew what was best for you. To just trust him, and that you’d know when you were ready.

When you confronted Alatus, he would concur. You needed to train more, he’d say. Don’t worry, you’ll get there eventually, he’d say. Besides, the threats looming over Liyue were thinning out, so there was no need to rush. Even your senior yakshas were having days off.

Alatus suddenly had more free time to train you. You didn’t mind getting to spend so much time with him, not at all, but the endless days of training became dull and boring. You wished you had more opportunities to actually use the skills he was teaching you.

Rex Lapis comforted you in the meantime, sharing story after story of his own historic exploits, of the other nations he had traveled to, and his dislike of their archons. It was nice, and you loved hearing about all the things you’d never be able to see, but no amount of imagination was able to kill the dull ache of boredom. You wanted to do these things. You wanted to gather your own experiences to share. You weren’t allowed to travel too far out from Jueyun Karst, in case of any emergencies in which you would need to be ready to fight at a moment's notice. This put a huge roadblock in any dreams of seeing the world, but Rex Lapis was always quick to assure you, everything you needed was right here.

~

Alatus and Rex Lapis were having a meeting today, one you were not permitted to attend, and the other yakshas were deployed, leaving you alone to occupy yourself.

Of course, the natural conclusion was to follow the distant distress call to prove yourself to your master.

The call leads you out to a marsh, with elegant cranes dipping their beaks in the water, and tall, thin blades of grass gently swishing in the wind. Notably, with no monster present. You step further into the area, the mud parting under your feet with a squelch, and observe. Alatus had always advised you to be wary of your surroundings, so you turn your head, searching for any sources of distress. You hear the footsteps of a bird- no, wait, too heavy to be a bird-

Before you can draw your weapon, a warm hand closes over your face and squeezes your mouth firmly closed- you try to bite, but your attacker’s grip is firm, attempting to prevent you from breathing. Their other arm is cinched painfully around your waist, trying to hold you still.

You struggled, to little effect. You were something of an.. ambush predator. Self defense was not your strong suit, as if you were doing your job right, the enemy wouldn’t have the opportunity to turn against you.

Alatus had noticed this, and self defense was going to be the subject of your next training session…

The hand on your face has already pinched your nose, and you were already growing dizzy. You struggle until your muscles ache, but the fight leaves you soon enough.

~

The cave is cold. And damp. Notably, it’s also empty, devoid of kidnappers.

You search the room, finding nothing but a gated exit lacking a key. You begin to worry, what an idiot you had to be to end up here. Rex Lapis had told you you weren’t ready, but you just HAD to go and test it. Now you were fucked. Your weapons were taken, you had no idea why you were taken, and you had no idea how to get back.

Did Rex Lapis even know you were gone? Would he be able to track you? It seemed unlikely. You didn’t want to die here.

There were many yakshas before you, and there will be more after you, such was the nature of this life. But your contract with Rex Lapis still left much work to be done.

Even if you weren’t as strong as Alatus, you were still a yaksha. You may go down, but you wouldn’t go down without a fight. You look around at the cave walls, desperate for an improvised weapon. The ancient cave floor is littered with jagged stone, so you pick one and hide in the darkest corner you can find by the gate.

You wait.

~

Alatus is the first to notice. It’s one of the first things he does, after he’s done speaking with Rex Lapis, to search the areas you frequent and verify your safety. He’s considerate like that, and when he notices you’re not in any of your usual spots, he starts to worry. He reports to Rex Lapis, and the two of them form a search party to find you.

~

The rusty gate hinges slide against each other as the door opens, and you raise your sharpened stone to strike. Footsteps slowly make their way into the cave, and when they’re in just the right spot, you jump out.

You freeze up, arm raised mid-air, when you see the ones walking into the room were your two most trusted allies. The muscles in your hand relax just enough that the rock slides out of your grip, thumping onto the ground. The look on Alatus’s face is pure relief, like seeing you has lifted a weight from his shoulders.

Your knees buckle under you, and Rex Lapis kneels down to catch you. You collapse in his hold and cry out.

"You were right." You dig your fingers into his clothing. Alatus has crouched down by you as well, watching you with great care. You continue, "I'm not strong enough yet… You're right." The hands around you hold tighter, and you feel Alatus's hand joining on your shoulder.

They help you up gently, comforting you as they walk you back to your home.

Rex Lapis and Alatus promise that you won't be in this position again. They would keep you safe until they decided you were strong enough to fight alongside the others.

Until then, they will be there, and you'll have nothing to worry about.

[spectermansion]

taylor swift legacy challenge 🦋✨☔️🧣🕊️🐍💕🌲🍷🕰️

— SURPRISE!!! hi!! welcome to my very first written out legacy challenge. it’s no big surprise that i love taylor swift AND the sims, so here i am, combining the two. she has ten albums, legacies have ten generations, there you have it. the hashtag for this will be swiftlp because i cannot genuinely think of anything better. let’s get into the…

rules below the cut!

- this legacy will require most packs other than batuu and the kits - aging must be turned on, but you can have it at any length you wish (normal/long recommended!). i'd recommend pausing aging during generations three and seven's university runs. - each goal must be met before the new heir takes over. - as for partners, they can have random aspirations/traits unless specified! they don’t need to complete it. - don't give the sims dramatic makeovers or personality adjustments (again, unless specified). slight changes to the appearance are fine but leave their facial features be! - there should be no need for money cheats other than like…freerealestate. there will be plenty of opportunities to grind for those simoleans. - if you do this challenge, tag me or use the hashtag swiftlp! i’d love to see it!

🦋 gen 1 - debut

“oh, i'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world…” ever since you were a little kid, music has been your biggest dream. now, you’re a ditzy, daydreaming, young adult who is out on your own for the first time in your life. life is full of adventure in your humble opinion. you’ve always wanted to make people smile, so the only logical choice is to establish a music career before you dream of settling down later in life. - traits: music lover, cheerful, ambitious - aspiration(s): musical genius, big happy family - career: entertainer (musician branch) - world: any non-city objectives - master the singing, guitar, and charisma skills. - reach level ten in the entertainer career before you finish adulthood - date around during your young adulthood before marrying your best friend when you become an adult. have two children after you get married. - finish the musical genius aspiration before having your kids. then, switch to the big happy family aspiration. - optional: have a garden!

✨ gen 2 - fearless

"but with you, i'd dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless." you grew up in a perfect, loving family. you believe in all of those fairytales that your mother told you, even though what they consist of is fake. there's one thing that's real in them though: love. you want nothing more than to grow up and fall in love. yet when you grow up, you discover that real-life love isn't all it's cracked up to be. - traits: bookworm, romantic, childish - aspiration(s): soulmate, best-selling author - career: freelance writer - world: any, copperdale objectives - meet a sim in your teen years that you have an on-and-off relationship into adulthood with. break up twice and get engaged. break up and after this, stay apart. - have a great relationship with both parents until the end of your teenage years and move away from home. they don't approve of your relationship. - master the writing skill. write mostly romance novels. - have one child with your rocky romance. move them into your household as this will be the heir. - never finish the soulmate aspiration. switch it to best-selling author after you break off your engagement. - move to a secluded part of copperdale (or any woodsy-ish world) to raise your child. you don't need them getting hurt! adopt as many cats as you want. go nuts. - optional: have a dog named white horse

☔️ gen 3 - speak now

"you learn my secrets and you figure out why i'm guarded. you say we'll never make my parents' mistakes..." after the life your parent had, they are extremely overprotective of you. they just want what's best for you, right? you don't know much about their life before you except that they had a rocky relationship with your other parent. oh well! that's their business. you're off to college in a new town and ready to mess things up. you're only young once! - traits: genius, cat lover, outgoing - aspiration(s): friend of the world, serial romantic - career: social media (any branch), critic (food branch) - world: britechester, windenburg objectives - get all a's until you graduate high school. - attend college at either school you'd like and complete your degree. i'd recommend turning aging off during this time. - never date until you are in college. your parent forbids it. once you can, date around all throughout your young adult life. - master the charisma and mixology skills. - reach level 5 in the social media career before switching to the critic career in your adulthood. mid-life crisis! - marry the fling you had the highest relationship with at the end of young adulthood. have as big of a family as you'd like! they're your soulmate! - ...until you have an affair with someone during adulthood. have a child with them. this will be the heir! - optional: have your sim master the guitar skill.

🧣gen 4 - red

"ugh, so he calls me up and he's like, "i still love you." and i'm like, "i just, i mean, this is exhausting, you know? like, we are never getting back together, like, ever..." you are the black sheep of your family, but you could never exactly figure out why. as soon as you're old enough, you get out of there to make it big in life! it's your dream to make it as an actor. school was never really your thing, so you drop out early and move to del sol valley to find yourself. - traits: creative, gloomy, perfectionist - aspiration(s): master actor, mansion baron - career: actor - world: del sol valley objectives - participate in drama club until you drop out. - master the acting, wellness, and violin skills. - date two people in your lifetime. the first is a relationship so bad it ruins your perception of love. stay single until you meet your second love interest on set. have a big white wedding! - reach level 10 of the acting career as an adult. - have as many kids as you'd like with your spouse. - move to tartosa to settle down before you retire. - optional: have your sim wear red lipstick with every outfit besides sleep. no one wears lipstick to bed.

🕊️ gen 5 - 1989

"heartbreak is the national anthem, we sing it proudly!" you grew up in the spotlight and LOVED it. heck, your parents are famous celebrities! they were humble people who loved their family as much as they could. you got everything you wanted and more. you might be spoiled, but you deserved it, right? what do you mean you have to be a responsible adult all on your own now? - traits: outgoing, high maintenance, non-committal - aspiration(s): city native, party animal - career: simfluencer (teen), style influencer - world: san myshuno objectives - move to a nice apartment in san myshuno as soon as you turn into a young adult. your parents love you so much that they bought it for you! - attend every festival - go out at least twice a week and throw parties once a week! you're a social butterfly for a reason! - oh no! spend all of your money and move to a needs tlc apartment. - date around until you get pregnant from a one-night stand. marry them, but never have a high relationship with them. cheat on them with hired help. - master the singing and charisma skills. - move to a penthouse once you're back on your feet - only have one child. - optional: have your sim's favorite drink be wine

🐍 gen 6 - reputation

"but i got smarter, i got harder in the nick of time. honey, i rose up from the dead, i do it all the time." you never had a real connection with either of your parents; everything in your childhood was superficial. all you ever wanted was a real family. if you weren't hanging out with your butler, you were on the streets of san myshuno late into the night. darkness called your name, so you abandoned everything you knew for another life...the life of a criminal. - traits: active, evil, family-oriented - aspiration(s): public enemy, super parent - career: criminal - world: any objectives - have a non-existent relationship with both parents, but a high relationship with the live-in butler. - master the fitness, mischief, and parenting skills. - reach level ten of the criminal career (either branch). - have a relationship with a sim that has the exact opposite personality as you (good, friendly, etc.). marry them as an elder. - adopt one child and be very close to them. give them the best life you can. - optional: throw a party every new years eve if you have seasons

💕 gen 7 - lover

"and there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear. have i known you 20 seconds or 20 years?" you may not have had much growing up, but you had love. love, love, love. this love showed you that the world is a good place and nothing bad ever happens, right? wrong. when your parent tells you that they're a criminal, your world comes shattering down. everything else sucks outside of your little bubble. can you make the world less cruel? - traits: good, overachiever, romantic - aspiration(s): academic, soulmate - career: law (private attorney branch) - world: any objectives - have a high relationship with your parent until your late teenage years. - meet a sim during childhood and become best friends, later high school sweethearts. marry them after you finish college. - pursue a distinguished degree in history as soon as you finish high school. - master the charisma, logic and research and debate skills. i'd recommend starting early so you can get that distinguished degree. - reach level ten of the law career - have as many children as you'd like. - reconnect and become best friends with your parent before they die. even have them move in! - optional: have a child named betty be the heir!

🌲 gen 8 - folklore

"i want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet 'cause i haven't moved in years." you grew up in a chaotic but loving household where there wasn’t a moment of quiet. of course, you love your family, but you are a loner by nature and always preferred to spend your time with your pets or doing art. you come out of your shell during your teen years, but are you making the wrong choice? - traits: loner, creative, loves the outdoors - aspiration(s): country caretaker - career: sustain yourself off of your farm and royalties from painting and writing - world: henford-on-bagley objectives - have the highest relationship possible with your pets. even higher than your siblings. - make one best friend as a child. - during your teen years, date a sim you meet at school. break up when they cheat on you at the beginning of your young adulthood. woohoo with them one last time and “surprisingly” end up pregnant. - immediately move to henford-on-bagley after you graduate. have no contact with anyone except your best friend. you can play off the grid if you’d like. - master the gardening and painting skills. if you’re feeling funky, master cross-stitching and writing, too. - publish books and sell your paintings in addition to running your farm. - marry your best friend as an adult. - only have one child. - optional: have three cats!

🍷 gen 9: evermore

"long story short, it was a bad time; long story short, i survived." you grew up on a farm isolated from the rest of the world. even though you had loving parents and all the animals a child could want, you wanted nothing more than a big family. as soon as you could, you knew you'd have the picture-perfect family you'd always dreamed of...or so you thought. - traits: good, foodie, proper - aspiration(s): big happy family, master chef - career: culinary (chef branch) - world: any objectives - as soon as you become a young adult, move out of your parents' house and to a new world. - get a job in the culinary career to support yourself. - become romantically involved with the first sim you meet. have a whirlwind romance and get married only to find out that they have the hates children trait. - reach level 5 of your career before quitting to focus on family and saving your marriage. - have four children with your spouse. - when you become an adult, divorce them and move your family to a new world. your spouse gets weekend visits. - rejoin the culinary career back at level 5 and continue to level 10. it is okay to cheat to get here! - master the cooking and knitting skills. - marry a coworker and have two more children. - optional: open a restaurant called olive garden!

🕰️ gen 10: midnights

"i'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror...it must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero." your family is a big, blended mess of people who aren't exactly the best, but they tried. and now it's your turn. you always wanted to be better than your siblings, but your parents always preached that all of you meant the same to them. can you prove your worth as the best to them and yourself? - traits: self-absorbed, ambitious, adventerous - aspiration(s): extreme sports enthusiast - career: part-time barista - world: mt. komorebi objectives - have low relationships with each of your siblings. - master the skiing, snowboarding, fitness, and rock climbing skills. - meet and date a sim you meet on the slopes. - have a family after you master one of the winter skills. - reconnect with your siblings - optional: decorate with midcentury decor!

[cosplayinamerica]

Somnacanth from Monster Hunter Cosplayer: @the_gnome_queen  // photo: quachstar.jpg

I’ve been cosplaying for 9 years and every time I choose a cosplay I like to add something new to my skillset. Sometimes it’s from a franchise I’m deeply familiar with and sometimes it’s just something that catches my eye. Somnacanth was an example of the latter. I saw the concept art for the armor and was immediately drawn in by how different it was. The colors, the design, and the potential to add my own details to the armor was what attracted me. But I don’t like being ignorant of the source material and I hadn’t played Monster Hunter in years, so I started picked up Monster Hunter Rise. What I love about the game is the creature and world design, as well as the ability to craft materials into your own weapons and armor.

Although the world of Monster Hunter doesn’t technically have magic, there are similar qualities to the experience. The Somnacanth Armor reminded me of something inspired by mysticism and the creature itself has almost supernatural qualities that I wanted to capture in the amor and details. I love finding new technology and incorporating it into my cosplays. With a recent project I discovered tiny LCD screens that play back eyeball visual effects with movement. I knew I wanted to incorporate that into the monster head prop. However, I had never used that technology before and so it took some time to learn and master the coding needed to customize that effect as well as the wiring involved.

One of my favorite aspects of cosplay is connecting with other creators and “talking shop”. Each year, NYCC draws extremely talented individuals to compete in the Crown Champsionships of Cosplay. I’ve been able to meet some truly amazing makers who are so giving and passionate about sharing knowledge within the cosplay community. NYCC was one of the first conventions I returned to in a post pandemic world and so it’s special to me in that way.

This was my third time competing in the Crown Championships at NYCC and while I had won a category in the past, this was my first time placing in the contest. It’s truly an honor (and so humbling) to be recognized by such inspiring judges and stand alongside other cosplayers who are at the top of their game. I’ve never travelled to a convention that hasn’t been within driving distance from my home. The chance to attend C2E2 for the finals and meet other cosplayers from around the country and the world is thrilling!  I hope to make the Monster Hunter community proud!

Something I really love about cosplay is seeing people’s reactions to something I’ve worked so hard on. With my Somnacanth Armor I was especially proud of all the details I added. From hand beading to lighting sfx and foam smithing to 3d modelling I am floored when people get to see the details I’ve added. There’s nothing more gratifying than someone saying “look at this…but then look at this….and then there’s this!”

I love sharing knowledge about making things. When someone reaches out with a question about how I did something, or how they can learn a new skill it feels good. I hope my passion for this craft and community comes across in what I share.

Cosplay has given me the opportunity to have a creative outlet among a group of likeminded people. Growing up, my father always taught me that age is just a number and if you love something you should embrace it. He passed away just before I started cosplay as a hobby and so I threw myself into it to deal with my grief. I was initially reluctant to share my hobby with those in my everyday life, but as I learned more about myself through crafting, I became more confident and proud of my creations. I realized I wanted to be the person that younger me would be proud of.

I know a lot of people find them creepy, but I really just love gnomes! I’m totally dating myself, but I grew up watching a cartoon called David the Gnome. Gnomes have always kind of followed me throughout my life. Friends and family give them to me as gifts. They’re all over my house in small and large ways. I even have two gnome tattoos!