#I don’t trust anyone making these movies and shows anymore

[buckys-wintersoldier]

Evidence of love | B.B

Happy Birthday, Sebby! Since I don’t write RPF anymore, I decided to publish this one. It’s a sweet, fluffy Bucky one.

Dating is something for handsome, beautiful people, isn’t it? But if the trust in yourself is destroyed once, it needs a good idea to proof what real love means.

//Pairing// Avengers!Bucky Barnes x PlusSized!Fem!Reader

//Wordcount// 2.394 Words

//Warnings// shitty ex-boyfriend, Bucky being adorable, talking about weight, feeling insecure because of weight, fluff

//Request// Hey i hope you’re doing well i have an idea for a one shot and was wondering if you could write it. So basically Bucky hears the reader talking to Natasha or anyone that she thinks she’s too heavy for any partner and that she has given up on dating for a while because of that, and of course Bucky hearing that he starts lifting heavy stuff such as weights, machines or even Steve😭 around the reader to show her he can easily lift her weight as well because he has feelings for her and you can add or change whatever you like and make it smutty idk whatever you think is right i trust your skills.

//Authors Note// Thank you for the request, I hope you like it. That’s such a sweet idea and I tried not to change much about it.

//Events// Hot Bucky Summer | Week 4 | Free Week | @buckybarnesevents | Bucky Barnes Bingo | B023 | C4 | Broken | @buckybarnesbingo

// Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist //

After the breakup with your ex-boyfriend, you found comfort in your room between romantic movies, thick blankets, your favorite clothes, and snacks. You were tired of the whole dating thing, not wanting to get those dick pics anymore or go out with someone who talks hours and hours about himself and the way it’s nice to be vegan.

You always had some soft flesh on your belly and your thighs, but you loved it. You didn’t want to look like a model girl; you liked who you were, but unfortunately, you stopped thinking like that the moment your ex-boyfriend broke up with you.

He used to love the soft flesh on your body, feeling always comfortable when he placed his head on your stomach or loving to grip the soft flesh when he made love to you. He was telling you how pretty and good you are, but that changed at some point, and he talked less positively about you, he didn’t look at you the same way and tried to make you feel ugly — and that’s what he managed to do.

“Y-you did what?” You asked with an open mouth and widened eyes. Your mouth dropped open the moment those words left his lips, and he didn’t even look sorry for what he just did. For a moment, you weren’t sure if you heard him right — not because he didn’t speak clearly, but because you couldn’t believe what he just said.

“You heard me right!” He growled, rolling his eyes. He didn’t even look bothered by it, he didn’t care. Your fear came true, and he said it like it’s nothing, like the relationship the two of you had never meant anything special to him — like cheating never means anything bad, just fun. “Haven’t you looked into a mirror? I thought you would finally notice that you’re fat. What do you think is the reason we aren’t doing anything intimate anymore?”

You swallowed thickly, unsure what to say. There are so many thoughts, but at the same time, none at all. You thought he loved you, thought he liked you the way you are — the way you look, but now it turns out he didn’t love — not even liked it. You never felt so ashamed and self-hatred as you just did. There wasn’t much intimacy between the two of you, but wasn’t it just because of your busy jobs?

The thought of having a bit more flesh in some parts of your body crossed your mind sometimes, when you ordered something and people looked at you, when you were standing in front of a mirror — but actually, the people didn’t really look at you, they were looking around. And in the mirror? You had some more fat on your belly or thighs, but it never looked unhealthy, and it suits you.

He always made sure to assure you that he didn’t mind that you had some more fat, he even liked it. It’s what he said, what you thought, but then he cheated on you and told you you’re fat?

“I- uhm. But why didn’t you tell me?” You asked the first question that came to mind. The first question, which has nothing to do with whoever he fucked — if she looked better, if she made him come better, if he could try more with her. You don’t want to hurt yourself with all those questions, so you just asked the first one that came to mind, excluding her.

“Telling you that you’re fat and ugly? Though you noticed it yourself, it looks like you didn’t. Now get your shit together and don’t make a big deal out of it,” he groaned, annoyed to be stuck in that conversation.

After that conversation, you made a really big deal out of it. You didn’t want to annoy him any further, but he cheated on you. He didn’t cheat on you just one time, he did it over and over again, making sure you hate yourself more than you hate him, blaming you for his mistakes and his decisions — especially when it came to cheating, you were the reason because you didn’t give him what he needed.

First, you tried to accept it and change yourself for him, but he turned more and more into a dick. The love you felt for him slowly faded away, and there was nothing left — no love, no hate — and then you knew you had already moved on without realizing it. You distanced yourself for your own good and were finally able to leave him behind.

Plus, he found a girl, he cheated on you for a while before he thought he wanted to be with her. Luckily, at the time, you didn’t care about him anymore, so it didn’t hurt you. That was around half a year ago, and even though you didn’t care anymore, you haven’t dated someone after him, scared of a man being abusive again.

But since you’re living with the other avengers at the compound, you have enough company around you. You don’t need to date a stranger to be happy, you have your family and friends around you. Plus, the dating apps you tried were weird, getting dick pictures and kind of sex messages wasn’t something you liked — especially if you didn’t really know the person.

Natasha sits next to you on the couch and grins at you. She just shows you another picture of some guy you could date if you want. Ever since you told her about the dating apps, she has tried to find a date for you, but you always say no, except when the picture shows a dog.

“Nat! I don’t want to date this guy. He looks handsome and muscular, but people like him don’t want to be with someone like me,” you say, shaking your head. You moved on after your ex, but ever since, you feel more insecure about your body and the way you look.

“Oh, come on. Do you want to hide because of your ex?” She asks, showing you another picture of a guy who looks pretty similar to the other ones she showed you before — muscular and handsome. “What about this guy?”

“Nat! My ex showed me that I’m fat and ugly, he cheated on me with a model. I don’t think any guy wants to have a girl he can’t even carry or wrap his arms properly around. And I’m good,” you sigh, a soft smile across your lips when you look at your friend.

She shakes her head, knowing that you love being held and close to someone who loves you. You would love to have someone who loves you for who you are and doesn’t mind that you’re not the perfect model size.

Little do you know that Bucky is standing on the floor that leads into the living room, where you and Natasha sit. He overhears your whole conversation with your friend, his hands turn into fists because of your ex, but when he hears you talking about yourself, his heart aches. How can you think about yourself like that? How can you think that no one cares about that all? And he could easily lift you and carry you around?

For him, you’re beautiful and the sweetest girl he has ever met. No one should care if they can carry their girls around or hug them ‘properly’ because there are so many more ways to show love, and hugs are hugs. Plus, Bucky loves it when you allow him to hug you.

The brown-haired man has had a crush on you since forever, and he would love to show you how pretty and perfect you are. He fell in love with you because you’re always so kind and sweet — especially around him, and you always care when you notice that he doesn’t feel too comfortable sometimes.

Bucky would love to show you exactly how much love and care you deserve, so he just smirks to himself after a moment — he has the best idea to show you that he likes you.

The next few weeks, he makes sure to always be around you when you’re training, you mostly run on the treadmill. Bucky uses the heaviest weights to lift them, making sure you see him doing it. He has way more strength than you thought, but his super ability makes it easy for him to lift even the heaviest things.

When the two of you aren’t training, he sometimes moves the chairs or even the couch, telling them it's more comfortable there, even though he just lifted them, walked through the room, and placed them in the same place they stood before.

And when there is nothing to move around the two of you, he picks up Steve, Tony, Thor, or Sam to carry around. Not only to annoy them a bit, but mostly because he wants to impress you and wants you to notice that he wouldn’t have trouble lifting you.

“Bucky?” You ask softly when you find him on the couch in the living room. The other Avengers are currently on a mission, so it’s just the two of you in the tower. He looks up from the television and smiles at you. “Could we talk?”

He nods, patting the spot next to him on the couch, and waits for you to sit down. Bucky notices your worried and slightly confused expression immediately, he shits in his seat, turning to look at you.

“Are you alright?” He asks, his big hand moving over his thighs to yours and staying on your knee.

“I am, but I’m worried about you. You’re lifting so much and often. Do you think you need to train your muscles better, or do you think you’re not looking good?” You ask, placing your own hand on his bigger one. “Because you look handsome and you’re well trained. If there is a woman who wants you to change, she- she isn’t worth your time, then Buck.”

He chuckles softly, sighing softly. You’re so adorable, asking him why he lifts such heavy things and even thinking it’s for a girl — another girl. But you don’t notice that he is trying to impress you, trying to show you that he wants you, even though you have some fluff flesh at your belly and thighs.

“I’m good! I mean, I lift things, and it's for a woman, but not like you think. You remember the conversation you had with Nat as she showed you some pictures of guys you could date?” He asks, rubbing his thumb over your knee.

You nod, narrowing your eyebrows. How can he know about that conversation? Did Nat tell him about it? But your thoughts are interrupted when he gently pinches your flesh to get your attention.

“I heard you two talking. I didn’t mean to, but when she mentioned those guys, you know? However, I—uhm.” Bucky feels his cheeks heat up, he doesn’t know what to say. Maybe he could just kiss you, and then you know what he means. But maybe he is out of practice, or you don’t even want to kiss him. “I don’t want you to think you’re fat or too heavy. You’re pretty and sweet, and when I always lifted the things I just wanted— I wanted to impress you and show you that I could easily lift you too.”

You giggle as Bucky blushes even more. He is such a sweetheart, and you love being around him, you even have feelings for him. But he is a handsome, sweet super soldier, and you are — just you. You don’t want to waste his time, but little do you know that Bucky would never think about it like that. With his words, it would be more like ‘every second without you is wasted time’.

“But you always impress me, when it’s just a tea you make me, when you just hug me. Whatever you do, I’m impressed by you, Bucky,” you say, smiling at him.

“Are you?” He asks, his eyes widen, and you chuckle softly. His ocean blue eyes focused on you, taking in every slight change in your expression, but there is nothing but love.

“I’m impressed by you, yes.”

He grins. He has so much to say, but he feels like he can’t. His tongue is kind of blocked, but there are too many thoughts, or just the thought that he could say something, and it doesn’t sound as good as he wants it to sound, so he has a better idea — one that will say everything and nothing at the same time.

The brown-haired man brings his metal hand to your chin, grasping it as softly as he can, and holds you in place. He then leans closer, his warm breath against your lips, and your eyes flutter shut. Bucky sees that movement as permission and leans closer until his soft, plump lips are pressed against.

A dream you both have had since forever now comes true. You never thought they would feel the same way about you as you do for him, but here you are. He showed you in the sweetest way that he doesn’t mind how you look and that he loves you because you’re you — just like you love him because he is your Bucky.

And maybe it wasn’t just your weight or your ex that stopped you from wanting to date. Maybe it was also your heart because it knew what it wanted, and now he gets exactly that.

Bucky moves forward, closer to you, both of his hands surrounding your waist, and you feel his hands creeping along your sides and back until he interlocks his fingers and taps your back with his thumbs.

“I can wrap my arms around you, plus I can lift you; is there anything else you want me to do to prove that you’re the most adorable and beautiful woman a man can be with?” He asks before pressing his lips against yours once again. There is nothing more you need him to prove his point, because you know he would manage to find a way to show you that he is right, that you’re pretty, and even if he has to carry furniture or your friends around for you, he would do everything he can as long as you’re happy — with Bucky.

//Taglist// @kandis-mom @sergeantbarnessdoll @identity2212 @km-ffluv @lunaalovesyouu @armystay89 @suz7days @etherealdisneyvillainness @pono-pura-vida @somnorvos @meowmeowyoongles @randomawesomeperson102 @rogersbarber @sebastianstanisahotmf @loki-laufeyson68 @winterschildren8 @bxtchboy69 @jeremyrennermakesmesmile @bucky-barnes-lover @felicitylemon @cjand10 @bookishtheaterlover7 @casa-boiardi @futurequeen2018-blog @flstrawberry @capsbestgirl77 @nervouseden @jiyascepter @princesscore-angel @mrs-katelyn-barnes @sasha-writing @blackhawkfanatic @fanfictionreaderfan @multiversefanfics @angelbabyyy99 @looking1016 @aphrodite-xoxo@im-alestan @lives-in-midgard

[bluejeanstrash]

random thoughts about being in a relationship with seungcheol.

- his card details would be on every single app you have: food delivery, cab service, online shopping, streaming subscriptions, and literally anything else. he wouldn’t even tell you, he’d just take your phone and put it in. use my card to pay for it, put it on my card, why didn’t you pay for it using my card? dude, leave me alone.

- he has a passport photo of you hidden somewhere. no, it’s not where you look cute. it’s ugly as hell and he finds it hilarious so he keeps it on him at all times, never disclosing its location in case you take it back.

- he’d take your shots for you. lost a drinking game? seungcheol’s got you, baby. he wouldn’t even have to look at you, he’d just know you can’t drink anymore. he’d signal to hand it over to him instead and then take it for you, no questions asked. he’s so hot for that.

- 9/10 times he’s falling asleep in front of the tv. don’t even bother watching a movie/tv show with him if it’s afternoon nap time or after 9 pm. he’s OUT

- he doesn’t trust you to take his instagram boyfriend pictures. thinks they don’t look ‘authentic’ enough (he’s literally your boyfriend?)

- he’s kinda gross. i feel like he was really proper at the start of your relationship but after he got comfortable, he really doesn’t care anymore. has he burped right in your face because it’s funny? ummmm, yes.

- he’s quite sentimental. he’d keep really random things from your dates and he really loves when you make him stuff, no matter how small. the fact that you took the time, and made the effort? for him? loves it.

- he baby talks around you so much. like so much. it’s like he can’t help but slip into it when he’s in your presence. baby x 100

- he wants you to steal his clothes so bad. that’s what people are supposed to do in relationships!!! he’s constantly leaving his clothes around so that you steal them but you just can’t. all his stuff is so expensive you low-key feel guilty.

- lastly, an nsfw one. he’d solely masturbate to pictures of you. seungcheol is definitely the kind of guy to be obsessed with his partner and not care about anyone else. you don’t care if he watches porn to get off and he’s tried but it isn’t as satisfying anymore. he’s either going to cum with you or to you.

[101maverick]

hey i saw your requests are open and i was wondering if maybe you could write smth hurt/comfort with jason please? like they had a big fight and then they make up after something happens🙌🏻

A/n: okok srry if it took me a few days but school and other projects are kicking my butt, hope you enjoy!! I decided to use your request to study Jason from a more ak! Point of view if that makes sense? I haven’t consumed the media but i’ve read some really beautiful works with him and hope it makes him justice :)

Word count: 1206 words

Execution At Sundown

Jason was at your place, sitting on the side of the couch with your tv remote by his side, cup of soda in his hand.

He still hadn’t shown you his face even after months of dating, and even though it stung you understood that it was a huge show of trust on his part, so if he was content sipping his soda from a straw that went under his mask you wouldn’t say anything about it and keep your feelings to yourself.

Everything had been going fine, you had just been hanging out while watching a movie.

It all hit the fan when you decided to go get another soda, rising up from the couch and padding down the hallway to the kitchen to fetch the drink.

After retrieving your drink you made your way back, and as the couch came into view you saw that Jason was now engrossed with something on his phone.

You didn’t think too much about it, just eyed the now empty soda resting in his left hand. On a whim, you walked up to his side of the couch and leaned over, going to grab his empty cup to replenish it.

Before you could do much more than make contact with the clothed skin of Jason’s shoulder though you found yourself being slammed back, loosing your balance and falling on your behind.

——————————

Jason reacted out of instinct.

One second he was relatively relaxed on his girlfriend’s couch, looking at a map of his territory for anything suspicious that might be going on, and the next there was a pressure on his shoulder, somebody leaning in and- “Why don’t you scream a bit for me, Todd?” and then there was pain-

He grabbed the body pressing in on him and pushed, slamming his attacker back and watching, half-standing and with his torso turned in a way that pulled at the knotted skin marring every inch of him, and even if the assailant was on the ground they still hurt him, that damned clown still dug his claws in and he always screamed but nobody heard him and-

Oh. It’s you.

It’s you, who had wormed his way into his heart in a matter of months.

It’s you, who had caressed the mangled skin of his hands and said “That’s okay” in response to the proof of him having been broken and put together crooked and wrong. As if it really was.

It’s you, legs sprawled on the floor with a bewildered expression on your face, wide eyes staring up at him in shock.

Jason stares back at you, his own features turned to stone under the mask as he feels his throat close up.

He had hurt you. He had thrown you to the ground. Guess the apple never falls far from the tree then, uh? Guess he was just like Willis after all, smacking around anyone without the ability to control his feelings. A rabid animal.

An animal. A pet. That’s what the Joker used to call him. What the Joker still calls him every day, in his wretched mind. A mindless thing, twisted and contorted to be ready to bend at his master’s will, and the fact he didn’t have one here anymore didn’t mean he was suddenly upgraded to ‘human’, did it? He was still incapable of controlling himself, succumbing to the rage just like Willis had to the bottle. Not even capable of recognising his girlfriend the only person who had accepted his crooked form and chipped edges, throwing her around simply because even gentle and casual touches were ruined for him by that forsaken clown-

“Jace?”

The world comes back into focus, his eyes zero in on the spot of the wall he had been staring at in his haze and then shift down to you, now seated more comfortably on the ground. You haven’t moved, you haven’t come closer to him.

You’re scared of him.

Jason feels his throat constrict, and he punches the words out around the lump forming in his throat. “I- I didn’t- you were- sorry- I-”

Gosh he’s such a mess, can’t even explain to you how pathetic he is, how he still lets a fucking clown torture him with his mere shadow, and now you will realise the honeyed touches are not made for him, not anymore, maybe they never were, or else someone would’ve come-

Now you will realise that all those jagged edges are places you could cut yourself on. Now you will realise a rabid dog like him just needs to be put down for good.

He stutters out a last sentence for you, spits it out on your clean parquet, and even that feels too much like dirtying your sanctuary for his liking. “I- sorry, I’ll- I’ll go-” and he’s not even finishing his sentence before he’s stalking towards your apartment’s door, steps as sure as he can make them as he walks away from the only hands who had held him oh so gently, only like Catherine ever had, his mom, and he wills his legs to keep moving or else he won’t make it out of here for good-

“Don’t leave, please.”

Your voice is quiet, quiet as it breaks his heart and his resolve.

Because Jason has never been strong, and the little crack he can hear coming from his heart hurts but so does the knowledge he’s too weak to keep going the last few steps to your door, the few steps that’ll lead him back to how it was before and you back to a life of safety, free of the burden that is Jason Todd.

He turns around. You’re leaning in the doorway to the living room, staring at him on the other side of the hallway.

Your stance is relaxed. You aren’t holding yourself like you’re hurt. Your eyes are wide, and sad, but they’re not wary.

With his attention on you, you speak again. Your voice is soft, and now also kinda trembly. “I know I don’t know even the start of the story, but I know you have one and it’s the reason things like this sometimes happen.” Your eyes stare into the white lenses of the mask, desperately searching for his gaze under it. “I’m not gonna say it’s okay, because it isn’t.”

There it is. The proof he fucked it up, like is his design.

“It’s not okay,” you continue, startling him. He was getting lost again. He waits for the axe. “because something or someone hurt you, and you still suffer from it.”

He looks at you. Jason looks in your eyes, and gets the feeling you know he’s returning your gaze.

“I want to help you, Jace. Any way I can. Any way you let me. Because I know that when things aren’t okay, sometimes all you need is someone there with you to help you make it so.”

Your voice was sure through it all, but now it falters a bit. “So, so if you want, I could be by your side. If that’s how you’ll let me help. So, so don’t leave.”

His eyes don’t wander away from you.

And as he gazes into your eyes, glinting with the light from the tv bathing your side in neons, he knows that he never could.

The axe doesn’t fall.

[jellinuy]

(saw your announcement so imma get this in real fast) post jjk! ( everyone lives bc gege is a menace) gojo, reader, and suguru living together :3

( roommates! )

౨ৎ incl. satoru and suguru.

౨ৎ a/n. first time i've actually written something that's NOT a drabble in like forever. can't decide on a format!! also i thought of reader being like their shoko, so this is completely platonic! urrghhh sorry this took me forever

living with the strongest duo would include...

Big house, first of all, because Satoru bought it. I’m talking, like, the three of you live in a penthouse, big.

Two VERY different sides of the house. Satoru's messy room consisting of strewn socks on the floor and food containers littered across his desk and an unmade bed and not a single cell in his brain to fix any of it until you or Suguru get on his ass: he says he has other things to worry about.

On the other hand, Suguru is something of a nagging mother when it comes to his sector of the house. Clean sheets every week, clothes in the hamper immediately after taking them off, shoes in his closet in a neat row, etc. You and Satoru like to joke about him having OCD.

Late night snack runs!! It usually starts with one of you complaining about being hungry at an ungodly hour, way too late for snacks but craving snacks anyway. It’s usually Satoru who gets you two up by video calling you from his room, making noise until you can’t take it anymore and decide to get up.

Suguru does most of the cooking. Satoru isn’t bad at it, per se, but he’s too lazy to try and so are you, let alone make big enough batches for three people.

Suguru is also lazy at times, but less than Satoru, so you two designated him as your personal chef.

Of course, there are always days when none of you feel like cooking — those are Satoru’s favorite days. You’ll order takeout (with his money), heaped in a tangle of legs and arms across the couch as you eat and binge watch whatever you three happen to find.

Suguru usually makes you guys lunch for work or school if you ask. Or even if you don’t.

Pillow fights! Or any kind of play-fight that involves throwing things at each other. They're usually initiated by Satoru when the mood strikes, and he'll literally beat you and Suguru over the head with pillows until the stuffing is everywhere or until you physically can't breathe.

A group chat! Satoru’s a frequent texter, Suguru not so much, whether it’s to show you two a picture of a stray cat he found, to ask what’s for dinner, or to beg for something.

Strangely though, when you or Suguru question him on why the trash isn’t taken out, he goes quiet.

Those two are the kind of boys who come into your room to knock something over and just leave without closing your door.

Movie nights are a must on weekends, unless one of you is extremely busy. That’s how the three of you unwind without really saying you need to unwind. You cuddle up on the couch in pajamas in one big messy heap and turn on a movie (based on who wins rock-paper-scissors) with a mountain of sugary and salty and spicy snacks at your disposal.

The three of you trust each other completely, so deep conversations are occasional, but comfortable. Neither of them would judge you for crying or being anxious or anything, and vice versa. When you need a hug, they’re there for that, too.

It’s not rare for the three of you to share a bed, or even cuddle. Granted, it took some getting used to at first, but now none of you find it weird, and it’s comforting to have a 6 foot heated body pillow, especially during the winter.

You three have an insane amount of inside jokes, and you bicker like siblings. Anyone who doesn’t get it would probably be concerned how much you insult each other.

“Shut the fuck up Suguru, didn’t you used to swallow balls?”

“Oh, shit.”

“Satoru, aren’t you still a virgin??”

“Fuck you! Y/N, what the hell are you laughing at, didn’t your date flake on you the other day??”

“Suck my dick!”

And then you’ll go back to whatever you were doing before like it didn’t even happen.

Whenever you or Suguru need to go shopping, you usually ask Satoru to Cashapp you before you go. He pretends to put up a fight, but to a guy who sees $2,000 as pocket change, he really doesn’t care. Hell, take one of his cards, go nuts.

[icyg4l]

Pick-A-Child Star: Inner Child Messages

In honor of Black History Month, I am continuing the series of highlighting Black icons while prioritizing the spiritual needs of Black Americans. Pick the image that resonates with you most.

Left-to-Right (1-3): Keke Palmer, Aleisha Allen, China Anne McClain

If you chose Pile One, you resonate with the energy of Keke Palmer. As we all know, she is a multi-talented human being. She is a singer-songwriter, actress, dancer, talk show host, podcaster and model. Her name is synonymous with the phrase 'busy bee'. Her infectious personality has followed us through movies and tv shows like True Jackson VP, Scream Queens, Akeelah and the Bee, Nope and much more. She continues to grace the screens with her charismatic nature.

"You're always wondering what you're not, can't you be happy with what you've got?"

When you were younger, you may have watched the tv show, 'How to Rock', starring Cymphonique. The premise of the show is navigating the social castes of high school. I channeled the theme song for this show. You really need to show some more gratitude, man. What's in your imagination is being reflected on the outside world; just enjoy the moment. Your brain is on overload all the time and you really need to rest. On Valentine's Day, you should give yourself some 'me time'. Another message that I get from your inner child is that you need to go play! For some of you, I sense that you're reluctant to let someone into your life when they have good intentions. I think high school plays a big role into why you navigate the world the way that you do. You are not in high school anymore! You are officially responsible for your own shit (that means the emotional trauma too, boo). Your inner child also wants you to know that you should take up some karate/self-defense classes. It is imperative that you learn how to stick up for yourself physically, not just verbally. Lastly, if you have lost a father figure, you should do that thing to honor his legacy such as getting a tattoo of him, getting a portrait painted of him, starting that company and naming it after him. You are your father's offspring, you know?

If you chose pile 2, this means you resonate with the energy of Aleisha Allen. She is most famously known for her roles in the 'Are We There Yet?' film series and School of Rock. Her cheeky portrayal of these characters solidified her as a Black child star icon. After starring in these classic films, she took on smaller roles in 'The Electric Company' and indie films. Since then, she has acquired a Bachelor's degree at Pace University and a Master's degree at Columbia University in Communication Science and Disorders to fulfill a career as a speech pathologist.

“I gets down, I don’t play”

Some of you may be in the midst of choosing a major after being undecided for so long. Some of you may switch majors a lot. Your inner child wants you to choose something that makes them come alive this time. In other words, choose a career path that's not boring to you. You could have ADHD/ADD or some type of learning disability. You need to slow down because you’re inviting some disingenuous energy. Your inner child does not trust the people that are around you. Your light shines too bright to be staying in spaces where you're not celebrated. This made me think of a video of Megan Thee Stallion talking about walking out of rooms where you don't feel comfortable. Do exactly that, my love. Everything will work out just fine if you believe that it will. Your inner child wants you to be as optimistic about this transition as possible. And lastly, you don't have to tolerate anyone's behavior, or quite frankly anything. If you feel like you have to put up with someone's bull, then you need to leave. You guys were quite the sassy kids, weren't you? Now, where did all of that energy go? Why are you dimming yourself down just to appeal to others? It doesn't matter if you're in a corporate meeting or a classroom filled with white people, you speak your mind. You know what's going on, don't be intimidated.

If you chose Pile 3, you resonate with the energy of China Anne McClain. She is known for her roles in Daddy’s Little Girls, A.N.T. Farm, the Descendants series and Black Lightning. Her range in roles highlights her witty, yet dramatic personality, which is the reason for any drawn interest in her. She is also a singer-songwriter who was once in a girl group with her older sisters, Lauryn and Sierra. Since then, she has documented her spiritual journey on social media after quitting acting.

“I’ve got friends on the other side”

This is the pile that I would probably choose. This is the pile of the hoodoos/witches/spiritualists/occultists. Your inner child wants you to know that the spells you’ve been casting have been working. As a child, you may have had some experiences with ghosts/spirits. Nobody believed you but who cares? They’re your friends now. There may be a cousin that you haven’t seen/talked to in a while. Please talk to them! Your inner child misses them so much! It doesn’t matter if you’re not on good terms with them, please go do it. For some reason, you should go play hide and seek. This could also mean that you should prepare for an item of yours to go missing temporarily. It could also mean that you will find out some information that you’ve been searching for. Finally, if you feel like you have nowhere to go, think again! Your inner child wants to go to place where you once frequented. This could be the beach, an arcade or the park. Go have a picnic. Go insert those coins/swipe that card into your favorite apocalypse game. Go dig your toes into the sand! You are going through self-actualization and it is important that you stay grounded. Be prepared to step into uncomfortable positions. Connecting with your inner child is a way to do so. It is essential for your growth as a person.

[xflixer7]

all of my yellowjacket headcannons (so far)

word count is like a trillion ok i’m not counting all of this

hi it’s been 8 months i finally counted (1865 words)

lottie

she/her transfem! lesbian bottom (i wanna eat her whole)

-schizophrenic

-definitely has some type of ocd

-ptsd

-autistic because i say so

started playing soccer when she was little

will actually go insane is you steal any of her clothes if you look at her she will actually be drooling with heart eyes

plays piano

also knows violin because her parents made her take it doesn’t play is anymore though

lottie isn’t jealous but very protective

her favorite (modern!) singers are

-phoebe bridgers

-clairo

-#1 laufey fan on the world

-fiona apple

unironically knows every katy perry song by heart because she used to be her favorite when she was little

her room is huge

likes putting her hair in pigtails

golden retriever girlfriend she’s so sweet ugh and loves to spend time and money on her person you always staying at her house would literally kiss the ground the person she is dating walker on if they asked her too:((

also the worst cooker you ever met like how did you fuck up toast why is the smoke alarm going off??

favorite color is blue

lottie definitely has a hairstylist she goes too every month to get permed and there really close i can see her telling them about ALL the school drama

lottie wants write story’s when she’s older maybe romance or mystery idk but i can just imagine her having a typewriter and writing you story’s she has wanted to do it since she was a kid and is very passionate about it:((

what i think her favorite shows are:desperate housewives,american horror story,sailer moon

so scared of horror movie like she will start crying

her favorite characters are:

-emily (corpse bride)

-bree (desperate housewives)

-starfire (teen titans)

always goes on and on about how she’s bubblegum and your marceline she LOVES adventure time

her favorite movie is bridge to terabithia

lotties favorite animal is a bunny and she really wants a pet bunny

BEGS you to give her your bra and your confused but you give it too her and she makes a bracelet out of it and wears it practically every day proudly

also think that lottie is a great artist? like sketching and painting wise

nat

SAY IT WITH ME transmasc! (he/they) definitely bi because i say so

-depressed

-dyslexic

-ptsd

started playing soccer in middle school

LOVES christmas like has an unhealthy obsession with it (tries to act like he doesn’t)

northern italian knows the language pretty well also a great cook

wants to play electric guitar

his favorite (modern!) singers are

-tyler the creator

-radiohead

-alex g

-hole

-is so obsessed with mistki don’t even get me started

randomly painted his room black one day when he was bored

usually prefers his hair down

you give him haircuts he doesn’t trust anyone else someone definitely fucked up his hair once and he never went back

his favorite color is black or gray

just wants to be famous tbh but he wants to be in a band

what i think his favorite shows are:rick and morty,bojack horseman,shameless

LOVES horror movies and reality tv like 90 day fiancé and the kardashions (his guilty pleasure)

also likes claymation

his favorite characters are

-ash (fantastic mr fox)

-alyssa (the end of the fucking world)

-coraline (coraline)

his favorite movie is little miss sunshine

nat’s favorite animal is a panther he saw one in the jungle book when he was little and just thought it looked cool

always headcannoing characters as trans like finn from adventure time or jeff from clarence he’s so cute:((

nat skateboards too definitely not great at it but does it when he’s bored

jackie

(she/her) jackie is just a bratty pillow princess lesbian you can’t fool me

-adhd asf

-neurodivergent for sure

-ptsd

started playing soccer because she was bored eighth grade tbh i don’t think she likes it as much as the others but she thinks it’s fun

chronic hoodie stealer

this girl is a vegetarian for sure

jackie is jealous always period

her gay ass button ups bro

her favorite (modern!) singers are

-ariana grande her fav

-rihanna

-billie eilish

-harry styles

-lana del ray

pretty mainstream music taste

all pink room it’s very like coquette?

ponytail girl but also enjoys her hair down

favorite color is light pink duh

wants to be a makeup guru or just stay at home honestly she hates working

what i think her favorite shows are:euphoria, grays anatomy,glee,vampire diaries

i think she likes very drama files shows and will rant about tv show characters and there dynamics and why she think that there like that and etc for HOURS

ughhh jackie is such a girls girl like she is the friend who always has your back and has gum or a tampon for you she is the friend who would check you on your period

her favorite characters are:

-maddy (euphoria)

-regina (mean girls)

-winnie the pooh (she thinks he’s cute)

her favorite movie is DEFINITELY jennifer’s body

jackie is a cat lover and has 2 i can see her with a orange and a gray cat and they always fight

shauna

DEFINITELY bi (she/her)

-bipolar

-ptsd

joined soccer with jackie in eighth grade

has like thousands of boxers

russian

knows how to play saxophone (she doesn’t even know how she learned she just did) she doesn’t own one though

so jealous but never says anything (this girl cannot communicate to save her life)

her favorite (modern!) singers are

-the cranberries

was so mad when they got popular on tiktok and had to let everyone know they where her fav since day 1 (everyone knew)

-suki waterhouse

-cigarettes after sex

-never got over halsey since 2017

-the smiths

(a TRUE music lover over here)

she honestly doesn’t care how her room looks but it’s never clean

doesn’t do anything with her hair really

dark green is her favorite color

shauna’s hair may seem simple but she’s VERY picky about how it’s cut and is always worried there gonna cut it bad so she gets it cut like twice a year(she always ends up hating it)

she wants to be some sort of doctorate she’s fascinated by the human body so i can see her wanting to be a surgeon

what i think her favorite shows are:good girls, queens gambit,13 reasons why

her favorite characters are:

-velma (chicago)

-cassie (euphoria)oh the parallels…

-amy (gone girl)

her favorite movie is chicago (loves musicals)

a simple gal she really likes dogs

taissa

she/her lesbian

-anxiety

-ptsd

joined soccer in fifth grade

mixed (duh)

used to be in the marching band

her favorite (modern!) singers are

-frank ocean

-post malone

-has a soft spot for shawn mendas has all of his albums

-really enjoys 60’s music so she really likes the beetles

her room is pretty big too not huge on decorating

doesn’t care about hair like at all will wear a headband sometimes

a good girlfriend like if your cold she will give you her jacket type she has a temper never jealous either girlfriend material she’s the type you would want your kid to date y’know?

respectful to adults gets good grades and stuff

her favorite color is like a pearlescent white and everyone is like what the hell is that (she is trying to be different this is one of my favorite colors😿)

cuts her own hair thinks it’s overpriced and dumb to have someone professionally do it

tai wants to be something important like president or some shit i can see her being a lawyer

what i think her favorite shows are:the umbrella academy,big mouth,skins

tai only watches skins and euphoria type shows because she loves the drama

her favorite characters:

-hermoine (harry potter)

-patrick (perks of being a wallflower)

-nadine (edge of seventeen)

her favorite movie is the 6th harry potter movie she also thinks it’s the most underrated

she likes tigers

van

she/her and lesbian duh

-ptsd

joined soccer kinda randomly in seventh grade

irish

plays the trumpet but is kinda embarrassed by it

her favorite (modern!) singers are

-bruno mars

-tori amos

-girl in red duh

-david bowie

-was ziggy stardust for halloween when she was 8

can’t convince me her room is not painted red

doesn’t care about hair either puts in a ponytail to keep it out of her face

is a great girlfriend all the same traits as taissa except not the best at school she’s honestly surprised she graduated

favorite color is red

her uncle cuts her hair for like five bucks out of his garage also i definitely think she used to have a bowl cut when she was little

doesn’t really care about money she just wants to be happy wants to own a record store or be a professional soccer player

speaking of records she definitely has a lot of collections like lowkey a hoarder…but her stuff is cool though! like funky pops hot wheels cd’s records etc

what i think her favorite shows are:beavis and butthead, avatar, south park

mostly likes adult animation

her favorite characters are:-harley (suicide squad)-ron (harry potter)-beast boy (teen titans)

her favorite movie is the bee movie or lego batman there cinematic masterpieces

van likes pigeons for not particular reason she just thinks there funny looking

i can see van as a surfer too like her dad definitely is one also i can imagine her being really close with her dad and they have a local family business bakery:((

misty

she/her and idk her sexually like i genuinely have no idea

-autistic

-ptsd

always wanted to be on the team but knew she was bad at sports

german definitely

her favorite (modern!) singers are

-any female kpop band

-justin bieber

-pink-

melanie martenz is her favorite forever

light purple room has justin bieber posters everywhere

lowkey forgets she has hair whenever people comment on it she’s like “oh yeah!”

very obsessive of you and loves you almost too much sometimes you think it’s creepy but than your like “awww she’s so cute”

likes the color yellow

her favorite colors are brown and orange (there her favorite because she feels bad everyone calls them ugly)

i can see her being a k-pop stan too

(her bias in bts is j-hope)

also is a famous editer on tiktok and no one knows😭her username is like “gxxbflix” or some shit

literally has had one haircut in her life like it never grows?

i see her as a pharmacist

what i think her favorite shows are:walking dead,mlp,monster high

has SO many online friends

definitely loves romance anime

plays clarinet

is in band

favorite characters:

-cruella (cruella)-alice (alice in wonderland)-edward (edward sciccor hands)

and mistys favorite movie is alice through the looking glass (because it shows the queen of hearts back story and misty loves her)

and misty likes birds duh

those are my headcannons for them i know it’s a lot but i’m obsessed ok send requests if you have any please

-🙈

[sejjiplinth]

sejanus and marcus truly have one of the most insane dynamics from the franchise, like i have never been this crushed over a story between two characters in my life. 😭

i was really expecting the movie to take advantage of their past, to bring that raw emotion to the screen. because even after a whole DECADE, sejanus still remembers and cherishes marcus for what he did for him when they were children. marcus helping sejanus with his hurt finger on his own, showing him kindness, never left him. sejanus never experienced that level of generosity in the capitol, i don’t think he was treated that way ever again.

it breaks me reading their scenes in the zoo and during the questionnaire, because sejanus so desperately wants to make amends with him. but marcus has made up his mind, he doesn’t say a word to him, he doesn’t trust him, and he never gives in. the plinth’s are despised in two, sejanus being his mentor won’t change that. sejanus bringing him food, and offering it to him multiple times won’t either. sejanus goes as far as to ask coriolanus to trade tributes because marcus being his tribute is taking that much of a toll on him, while he clarifies that it’d be terrible with anyone, it’s marcus that brings him so much emotional distress.

marcus’s torture being displayed as a message, but also to get under sejanus’s skin… dr. gaul teases him about marcus’s disappearance, (most-likely) knowing they’d already caught him. and looping back to the reaping, strabo buying the district two boy… done only to shove it in his face that he could never go back to two. sabotaging him with marcus seems to be a common theme.

when marcus dies, sejanus honors him. sacrificing himself just to do so. he’d planned to die in there with him, too. and if coriolanus hadn’t been sent in, it would’ve worked. when he agrees to leave with coriolanus, he doesn’t want to go without marcus’s body.

marcus, undeniably, had a very large role in sejanus’s actions, in his resistance, and once he was gone, sejanus doesn’t have a purpose to live anymore. he tells coriolanus in part three that after the arena, he had planned to end his own life, one of his reasonings being because of what happened to marcus. and that was not the first time he’s considered suicide over marcus’s fate, he feels that guilty over him.

sejanus still keeps pictures of marcus, takes the childhood class photo where marcus is standing behind him to district twelve. ma comments on how she knew marcus’s dismay “hit him hard”. coriolanus calling sejanus dramatic over going into the arena, and sejanus reacting as if coriolanus had slapped him across the face.

they met for the first time in district two, then again in the capitol, and eventually in death. just . MY GOD!!!!!!!

[midnightsnyx]

what if i told you (i love you) part 3 - joel miller

pairing: joel miller!fem reader

chapter summary: with Joel and Ellie still in Jackson, you try to navigate your confusing feelings towards Joel. warnings: small mentions of violence, angst, fluff, swearing I think. let me know if i missed anything please! also this isn't edited at all. if you know tlou and wanna beta this story, that would be lovely <3 word count: 3k masterlist series masterpost ask box tag list form

authors note: thought I abandoned this story? same. so it's been a hot minute, and I'm not sure if anyone is still interested in this story but it's been in the back of my mind and then 3k words poured out of me at work today. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but I hope you like it anyways. I'll tag the people who asked, but I know it's been MONTHS so if you want to be removed from the tag list, send me a message and if you want to be added to the list, fill out this form. if you've got any questions, comments or thoughts, my ask box is here or just leave a comment in the notes:). thanks for reading, like & hit that reblog button if you enjoy it🩵

When Jack was first born, you went through a rough time. You were a new mom in a post-apocalyptic world and still trying to get over the betrayal you felt from Joel. You spent many nights at the kitchen table with Maria or Avery, crying or sitting in silence and feeling numb. The hardest nights were when you missed him, because that meant feeling weak and you hated letting yourself feel like you needed him. 

Your task of avoiding him during his stay in Jackson is becoming particularly difficult because of the duckling you seem to have acquired. Ellie trails after you nearly anywhere you and Jack go and Joel has no intention of letting Ellie out of his sight for longer than a few hours. A small part of you is jealous that he seems to see the girl as a daughter when he wouldn’t even accept Jack but you can’t blame her, so you let her tag along while pretending Joel isn’t always hovering in the background like a mother hen. During movie night, you seat Jack with Ellie and go stand in the back with the adults. Brad, one of the men around your age immediately comes over and tries to strike up a conversation with you. He’s nice enough, and not hard on the eyes but you never really let yourself make time for dating. You have your hands full with your kid so you just smile politely but entertain him, listening to him talk about going on patrol but tune him out when he begins bragging about taking out a pack of clickers. You know his story isn’t true because Avery was on the same patrol as him and told you when the clickers showed up, he hid while everyone else took care of it. 

At some point, you can feel a pair of eyes on you and immediately you know who it is without having to look. You’re trying to ignore it but his eyes feel like they’re burning a hole in your head so you turn to look and as you do, he quickly walks out of the building. You don’t know what comes over you, but you excuse yourself from your conversation with Brad and follow Joel outside. He didn’t go far, you find him leaning against the wall near the door a few feet away, arms crossed and deep in thought. It’s close to impossible to sneak up on him unless he’s feeling safe or is with someone he trusts. You’re apparently neither anymore because his head shoots up as soon as you get close.

He stares at you, mouth opening and closes a few times before he looks back at the ground and scuffing his boot in the dirt. You’ve no idea why you even followed him out here in the first place and after a few more seconds of silence, you start to head back inside but his voice stops you just as it did a few nights ago. He still has this invisible hold on you and you can’t understand why.

“Sarah,” he mumbles so quietly you wouldn’t have heard it if it wasn’t silent outside. “Her name was Sarah and she was my entire world and she’s gone.”

Tommy had admitted to you on one of your bad nights while he and Maria were trying to comfort you that Joel had lost a daughter. You’d put two and two together after Tommy made the memorial with Maria’s late son and the name Sarah who you knew was neither of theirs.

“Yeah,” you whisper, hating the ache in your chest you feel for him. You can’t imagine losing Jack but you don’t know if you can accept what he is insinuating. You can hear him walk towards you and you fight the urge to leave because as much as you don’t want to be around him, this is the first time he’s opened up to you. 

“I thought it’d be replacin’ her,” he mumbles and you realize he means Jack. That accepting another child would mean replacing his late daughter. 

You turn around to find him closer than you were expecting and take a step backwards, almost toppling backwards but his arms reach out and catch you. He doesn’t let go immediately, hands firm and steady gripping your arms exactly how you remember. For a moment, neither of you move. It’s as if you’re in a trance and it only breaks when the door flies open and Jack comes running out the door with Ellie chasing after him.

You pull away from Joel, picking up Jack when he reaches for you. 

“Mama! The movie’s over,” he says and then frowns. “You were gone.”

“I came out for some fresh air.”

He grumbles and tucks his face in the crook of your neck. “‘S cold,” 

You’re about to respond when Joel shrugs his thick brown jacket off and drapes it over Jack but it’s big enough that it covers you as well. 

You mumble a quiet thanks, ignoring the curious look Ellie gives you both and bid goodbye to the both of them, promising the girl that you would see her tomorrow. 

It was inevitable, you realize, sitting at the table listening to Jack tell Joel and Ellie a story you’d told him too often. 

“And-and then the Prince saved the Princess from a huge monster who’s teeth go click click click and then they went to Fred and Bob’s house for dinner!” 

You can feel Joel’s eyes on you the entire time Jack is telling them the story. He’s clearly piecing together that this isn’t just some made up story you told your son but a kid-friendly version of something that happened between you and Joel. It was shortly before you left Boston, Joel and yourself going to Bill and Franks for something. You’d been distracted because it was just after you found out you were pregnant and hadn’t told anyone yet and you turned your back for a split second while you were in the wrong place and nearly torn apart by a clicker. Joel had been furious, saying you needed to be more careful but he couldn’t have been that mad because after lecturing you for ten minutes, he’d pinned you against a tree and kissed you until you couldn’t remember your name.

It was one of the last times he had kissed you before you told him you were pregnant and then left Boston. 

“Quite a story,” Joel says, looking at Jack who proudly smiles at the older man's comment. “Does the Princess have a name?”

Jack gives you a curious look and when you don’t say anything, he shrugs and looks back at Joel.

“Mama never said.” 

Ellie snickers quietly, obviously also realizing that the story is based on actual events. Joel gives her a look but she doesn’t back down despite his glare. She leans towards Jack and grins. 

“Do you have any more stories about the Prince and Princess?” 

Simultaneously, you and Joel both say “no” a little too loudly which earns the two of you some looks. 

“I think it’s time for someone to go to school,” you say, standing up and offering your hand to Jack who grumbles but climbs off his chair and requests to be picked up by you rather than walk. You know you’re probably babying him but he’s growing too quick and soon he won’t want to be carried around by his mom so you’re cherishing every moment. 

You chance a look at Joel before you leave and he’s wearing the softest expression you’ve probably ever seen on him and it makes your stomach do somersaults and cheeks warm. It’s probably a bad idea, no it’s definitely a bad idea but when it comes to Joel Miller, you always made bad choices. 

“You guys can walk with us if you’d like,” you say and Ellie is out of her chair before you even finish the sentence. Joel looks a little more hesitant but he still doesn’t like going far without the girl in his sight so he follows the three of you outside. 

Of course by the time you get to the small school Jackson has, Jack is more than happy to go in and play with his friends. He gives you, Ellie, and a startled Joel hugs before running inside without looking back. You’re grateful that you have a place here where Jack can have as close to a normal childhood one can have in this world. You can’t imagine if you’d stayed in Boston what kind of upbringing he would’ve had. You certainly don’t miss it there, aside from the nights you missed Joel which were far and few in between up until he showed up here. The reason he’s here is still unclear although you have a suspicion Tommy knows more than what he’s told you and even Maria. The length of Joel and Ellie’s stay is also not known. You were expecting them to just need to stop and get supplies before continuing their journey but they’re still here and you have no idea when they’ll be leaving.   

You’re not sure what possessed you to invite Joel and Ellie to your little house for dinner but here you are, chopping vegetables to make soup. Jack is still at school and the soup will take time to cook but Ellie insisted on helping you prepare it and Joel said he needed to go see Tommy. It’s kind of nice to have company even if it’s in the form of a fourteen year old. Said fourteen year old has been awfully quiet the past twenty minutes and you can tell she’s wanting to ask you something but is stopping herself. 

“Go ahead,” you eventually say, tired of her silence. 

“Joel is Jack’s dad, isn’t he?” 

You’re so tempted to say no, only for the fact that she obviously looks up to Joel and you don’t know who she would look at as the bad guy. And honestly is the best policy, right?

“Yeah,” you tell her, noticing when her shoulders deflate. 

She’s quiet for another five minutes before asking, “Did Joel tell you to leave?”

You’re quick to answer this question because as wrong as what Joel did was, it was your decision to leave Boston and you don’t want to put some wedge between them.

“No, I left because I wanted a better life for Jack.” It’s not a complete lie, Joel is part of why you left but you really did want a better life for your son than what he would’ve had in Boston. 

“Alright,” she eventually says and then: “Can you pass me another carrot?” 

And that’s that. You both chat about random things, she tells you some terrible puns and you buckle and reluctantly tell her some more stories of when you, Joel and Tess lived in Boston. She tells you that Joel won’t talk about Tess and she feels guilty about her death. You listen quietly, letting her spill out things she must have been holding in knowing Joel didn’t want to hear it. 

“I knew Tess really well,” you tell her. “She wouldn’t have done what she did if she didn’t think it was worth it.” 

Ellie looks at you hesitantly. “Yeah?”

You nod and she smiles a little before asking if she can come with you to pick up Jack, but you tell her that Avery is going to pick him up and drop him here. Since you’ve got some quiet time, you decide to do some cleaning while Ellie goes to the house she and Joel have been staying at to take a shower. 

It’s a couple hours later when there’s a knock on your door and you’re figuring it’s Avery with Jack so when you open the door, you almost drop the broom you’re holding when you see Joel standing in front of you and Jack in his arms. You start to ask why Joel has Jack and where Avery is when you see the woman in question standing at the bottom of the stairs with a sheepish smile on her face. 

“We, uh, ran into Mr. Miller on our way here and Jack insisted that he come with us,” she explains but you can’t stop looking at the duo in front of you. Jack is smiling, arms wrapped around Joel’s neck and telling him a story but Joel is watching you warily, like he’s expecting you to yell or something.

“Hi mama,” Jack says but makes no move to leave Joel’s arms. In fact, he looks very pleased that the older man is carrying him. 

“Hi baby,” you reply, unsure what to do. You don’t want to upset Jack by taking him from Joel but you can’t tell if the latter is uncomfortable. Avery, sensing the tension, smiles brightly and waves awkwardly.

“I gotta go feed Lucy,” she says, already walking backwards. “See ya, Jack!”

Jack shouts goodbye to Avery and you finally snap out of your stupor, stepping back to let Joel walk inside. He toes off his boots and you’re about to offer to take his jacket when you realize he’s not wearing one because you never gave him it back last night. 

“Dinner smells good,” he says, following you to the living room where Jack finally wriggles out of Joel’s arms but only to get a toy to show him. 

“Look Mr. Miller,” the boy says, offering a wooden train that you gave him for his birthday. An older gentleman in the town made it for you after hearing Jack talking about how much he loved looking at pictures of trains. 

“That’s a really nice train,” Joel compliments, sitting down on the couch. Jack immediately climbs up and settles down next to him, chatting about the toy and you watch as Joel listens intently, nodding at the right times and you remember that he’s done this before, it may have been twenty years ago, but he’s dealt with an excited almost five-year-old.

The front door opening and closing tears your attention away from them and you look to find Ellie walking towards you, shrugging off her jacket. She lays it on the rocking chair and then plops down next to Jack, shooting you a small smile. There’s something in her expression that is sadder than when she left and you wonder if something happened since she left but you don’t bother asking her now. Instead, you go set the table and check the soup to make sure it’s done before calling everyone to the kitchen. Jack makes sure his chair is as close to Joel’s as he can get it so he can keep talking to him.

You have heavily conflicted feelings about the relationship growing between them. On one hand, it’s kind of nice that Jack is getting to know his dad, even if he doesn’t know Joel is his father. On the other hand, if you let Jack get too attached to Joel, it’ll break his heart when he and Ellie leave. So, you decide tonight after Jack is gone to bed and Ellie goes home, you’ll sit Joel down and ask him why he’s here and when he’s leaving.

Of course that doesn’t happen because Ellie and Jack pass out on the sofa after reading every children's book you own and you and Joel end up sitting at the table, drinking some liquor Maria had given you that you never got around to drinking. You’re not drunk, but you’re tipsy enough that you feel relaxed around Joel and laugh at whatever he’s saying. It almost feels like Boston, when the days were so long and dark that all you wanted to do was sit and drink with him and eventually wind up in bed together. 

Except now, you’ve got two kids who are sleeping in the living room and no intention of going to bed with him. Well, maybe if you let yourself have a few more glasses and if there weren’t kids in the other room but that’s just the alcohol in your system making you think things you shouldn’t.

“Do you remember when Frank asked how long we’d been dating?” He asks and you snort at the memory. You didn’t know at the time why Frank would even think that since you and Joel had been bickering the entire time you were at dinner, and Tess had to tell the two of you to knock it off multiple times. She had choked on her water when you asked why Frank thought you were dating and he said that it was because the two of you reminded him of Bill and himself.  

“Yeah, Tess nearly choked because she was laughing when we simultaneously shouted no and then Bill caught us making out behind his house,” you say, smiling behind a sip of your drink. He doesn’t react to you saying Tess’s name and just shakes his head with a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. He tilts his head a little so he’s looking at you and not the ceiling. 

“If I thought it covered the pain I caused you, I’d say sorry,” he says quietly and a little broken. 

You look away, swallowing loudly. “Well, sorry would be a start.” 

You don’t say that you’re not sure if you can forgive him, even if he did say sorry. Even if he knelt in front of you and begged, you’re not sure if you could push past the last five years. Every night you spent sobbing into your pillow in Boston while you waited for him to come back after you told him you were pregnant. Every bad night you had here in Jackson, thinking of why he did it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers softly, like it’s a secret. 

Blinking back tears, you clear your throat and nod. “Thank you.” 

Thank you but I can’t forgive you, goes unsaid. But a little voice in the back of your mind whispers, I can't forgive you yet and you can’t help but believe it a little bit.

tag list: @sloanexx @wandering-poetess @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chiogarza @jellybeanxc @iranispunk @imonmykneessir @wakaladjarin @sleepylunarwolf @pedropascalfan221 @abovenyx @starjoyyy @shuriri4life @cavillary @absolukeyrh @uwiuwi @keileighr @whitemanshoe19 @mishasminion360 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @praline357 if you wanna be removed, please let me know <3 i know it's been awhile!!

[captainsophiestark]

Anyone But the Spin Doctors

Kai Parker x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Fictober 2022!

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries

Prompt: “Nobody warned you about me?”

Summary: Y/N is loosely a member of the Mystic Falls gang, and basically the only one who doesn't think revenge is the best answer to every problem. After spending some time in New Orleans with their best friend, Kol Mikaelson, they come back to Mystic Falls to find Bonnie and crew exacting revenge on their latest enemy, Kai Parker. But, after Kai showed some signs of humanity and change, Y/N is convinced there's a better way to deal with him. So, they steal an ascendant and go to 1903 to get him out.

Word Count: 2,735

Category: Fluff, little bit of angst (esp. at the beginning)

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

"Wait, what? You just left him there?" I demanded, staring at Bonnie in utter disbelief.

"Yes. Because that's what he deserves. Did you not hear me telling you about all the awful, horrible things he's done, Y/N?"

"Yeah, Bonnie, I did hear you! Did you not hear me when I brought up how easily our problems were solved when we made friends with people and gave them a chance instead of immediately trying to kill them? Or when I laid out how many times our problems were caused by getting trapped in some giant circle of revenge?"

Bonnie rolled her eyes. I was absolutely fuming, and so was she. I'd just come back from visiting my best friend, Kol Mikaelson, in New Orleans, after hearing my friends fill me in on some new witch who had been causing problems lately. Based on what they'd told me most recently, after going through quite literally a hell of a lot, there was actually starting to be a glimmer of hope for this new witch to be roped into joining our side as a friendly, and not an enemy.

Until recently, when Bonnie had apparently stabbed him and left him for dead after pretending to give him a second chance.

"Look, Y/N, just because your little rehab project half-worked on Kol Mikaelson-"

"Bonnie, Kol is my friend, because we built up trust and mutual respect and stopped crossing lines with each other! We broke the fucking circle of revenge that you people–him include–seem to just love living in for some reason!"

"Does not mean that Kai Parker is redeemable!" Bonnie continued, shouting over me to be heard. "I'm not forgiving him, Y/N! And you have no right to tell me I have to!"

I sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Bon, I know. And I'm not trying to tell you you have to forgive him. I'm sorry if that's what it was coming off as. You have every right to never forgive him, and I'm not saying you even have to be friends with him! But I am telling you that getting revenge by literally stabbing him and trapping him in some nightmare hell dimension, when he was just starting to show signs of wanting to make some kind of change, is the literal worst decision you could've made!"

"I've had enough of this," she said, holding up her hands and shaking her head as she took a few steps back from me. "I'm going to go see Elena, and I don't want to hear about this anymore."

"Fine. I was kinda done talking, anyway," I said. I took a deep breath and reached into my pocket, trying not to look too suspicious as I grabbed the ascendant that I'd stolen from Bonnie when I'd first seen her. Shady, for sure, but I stood by the fact that it was the right move. Every time my friends decided to get some kind of revenge when there was another option, it backfired. This time, I was determined to get us on a different path.

Being a witch had its perks, and it didn't take me long to work a little magic of my own on the ascendant. I saw Bonnie's eyes widen as she realized what I was doing, but then, before she could stop me, I was somewhere else. I looked around, finding myself in a clearing in the woods, a heavy blanket of snow all around.

This feels like a scene out of a horror movie, I thought, and immediately scowled at myself for going there. Not the kind of mindset I wanted to have right now.

I took a deep breath and looked around the circle, hoping for any signs of life, but I came up empty. Despite the fact that every instinct in my body told me not to, I took a deep breath and shouted into the darkness.

"KAI! Kai Parker, are you here?"

I waited, listening intently, but heard nothing. A shiver ran up my spine and I took a deep breath, trying not to let my imagination run away from me.

"Kai? Hello? My name is Y/N Y/L/N, I came to get you out of here!"

"I don't think I've met you before."

I whirled around at the sound of a voice behind me, doubling over with my hand on my heart as the adrenaline spiked and then started to drain away. A tall, handsome man with piercing blue eyes stood there staring at me, his head tilted slightly to the side with one eyebrow raised.

"Kai Parker, I presume?" I huffed between breaths, finally calming down enough to stand up straight again. "You scared the shit out of me."

"And who are you?"

"I'm Y/N Y/L/N-"

"Yeah, I heard your introduction. But who are you?"

"I'm a friend of the Mystic Falls gang, sort of. I've been gone visiting a different friend for a while, but I'm back for a visit. When I got here, Bonnie told me what she'd done to you, so I..." I trailed off then cleared my throat, feeling slightly guilty for what I'd done behind my friend's back. "I stole the ascendant and came to get you out."

"Nobody warned you about me?" asked Kai, prowling a few steps closer to me. I laughed a breathy laugh and held my ground, despite my heart picking up the pace ever so slightly.

"No, they did. At length."

Kai stopped at my words, quirking an eyebrow again.

"And you still came?"

I shrugged. "It sounded like you were interested in making a change, or even just making some friends, but nobody gave you a chance. I've been there before, and it sucks. So I thought I'd come and do something about it."

Kai just stared at me for a few beats, and I swear I could see his mind processing all the new information. I held in a smile at the sight; it was kind of cute.

"Okay, so, I'm kind of new to this whole... emotions thing," he said, waving a hand in the air and grimacing. "But... I'm feeling kind of... weird, right now."

"Weird how?" I asked, taking a few steps closer to him. He stared down at me, looking incredibly confused that I wanted to approach him, but answered any way.

"Weird like... like there's something moving around in my chest, and it's grabbing my heart in a claw and squeezing it."

This time I couldn't help it; I smiled.

"I mean, that could be a lot of things, but... maybe it's a little bit of relief? Or being overwhelmed that I'm here, and that I came for you?"

"Relief... hm, maybe. By the way, it was an absolutely insane choice for you to come here without even knowing me. Why did you... why did you do that?"

I shrugged. "Ever heard of Kol Mikaelson?"

"Mmm... maybe. Crazy powerful, insane Original vampire with a lot of brothers and a sister who like to terrorize the world?"

"Maybe not how I would describe them, but yeah."

"My parents talked about them. They debated trying to step in and put them down a few times."

"Oof. Probably better for everyone involved that they didn't."

"And what's your point?"

"The Mikaelsons first came to town a few years ago, and caused absolute chaos. Honestly, it was pretty terrible, and me and the rest of my friends were scrambling to figure out what to do about them. Kol was especially problematic, and he almost killed, like, half my friends."

"I can see why you speak so fondly of him now."

I rolled my eyes at the sarcasm. "Okay, we didn't really get along at first. But then, while Damon and crew were cooking up some insane attack plan revenge scheme whatever, I happened to run into Kol at the Mystic Grill. He was being menacing and trying to manipulate me, but then a song came on in the Grill, and we both immediately grimaced because it was a terrible song. It was such a tiny moment, but we actually made a real connection over it. And from there, little by little, we became actual friends. Instead of getting caught up in manipulations and scheming and attempts to do each other in, we started hanging out and making compromises about lines we wouldn't cross. And then he stopped being a problem for me and my friends."

"So...?"

"So, ever since, I've kind of made it my mission to give people a chance at redemption before going apeshit with the rest of the Mystic Falls Gang and their insane ass schemes. Sometimes it doesn't work, but sometimes it does, and it saves us all a lot of hurting. And, sometimes, I find a new best friend."

"So you're best friends with a psychotic Original vampire now, because you both hated the same song?"

"Yup! He's the friend I was coming back from visiting, actually. It's crazy how life works sometimes, isn't it?"

"What was the song?"

"Uck, some garbage by the Spin Doctors."

A ghost of a smile flashed across Kai's face, and he huffed a small laugh.

"You hate the Spin Doctors?"

"Big time."

"Huh. So... assuming I go along with this, and don't just siphon your magic and take the ascendant..." he started taking a few casual steps closer to me. We were almost chest to chest now, but I still didn't back down an inch. "What's your plan for stopping me from getting revenge on Bonnie for literally stabbing me in the back?"

I sighed. "What is everyone's obsession with getting revenge all the time?" I cried, throwing my hands up in the air. "Seriously, don't you people have better things to do?"

Kai just raised an eyebrow at me again, so I put my hands on my hips and fixed him with a look.

"My plan is to convince you of the same thing I convinced Kol: there are way better things to spend your time on than some ridiculous revenge scheme that's only gonna make life worse for everyone, you included."

"By doing what?"

"Offering you a better option." I smiled, then gestured with my hands to add a little dramatic flair to my words. "Picture this: touring the world, visiting all kinds of cool new places, singing some good karaoke, and finally escaping all the stress and heartache and negative emotions that come with involving yourself in Mystic Falls drama."

"Possibly tempting... say more."

"Kai, look, I know I don't know you. But I'd like to. And if you agree, I say we go on an adventure together. You're new to the modern world, there's no way you've seen all of the coolest things we have to offer post-nineties. Let's go explore it together. We can start in New Orleans, and you can meet Kol, and then we can go wherever the hell we want after that."

Kai swallowed hard, and although I could tell he was trying to keep up his smooth, cool, scary posturing, I'd gotten pretty good at reading emotions over the years. There were finally some cracks in the mask, and I could see the hope and hurt swirling just under the surface.

"You'd really... you'd really do that?"

"Yeah. I'm all about having adventures, and I want a buddy to go see the world with. So... what do you say? Wanna be my buddy and dip out on the whole revenge thing?"

A smile tugged at the corner of Kai's mouth, and although he tried to fight it, he couldn't hold it in.

"Well, I guess since you came all this way..."

I grinned at him, not even bothering to try to play it cool. I held out my hand, and after a short pause, Kai took it.

"You know I can siphon peoples' magic by touching them, right?" he asked, his grip on my hand tightening just a little. I squeezed right back.

"Yeah, I told you before, I got briefed on your whole deal. Now c'mon, we've got places to see."

With my free hand, I pulled the Ascendant out of my pocket. I could see Kai smiling out of the corner of my eye as I started to the spell to take us back, and our hands were clasped tight enough that I could feel his heart racing through his palm. Sure, my style of dealing with things didn't always work, but a little kindness and an olive branch sure could go a long way.

It didn't take me long to get the spell right, and suddenly, Kai and I were standing in the middle of the Salvatore living room, right where I'd left Bonnie after our argument. I really shouldn't have been surprised, but we were immediately surrounded by the Mystic Falls gang, looking ready to fight.

I swore, clutching Kai's hand a little tighter. He squeezed my hand back, which I hoped was a good sign, and I did my best to stare down my friends.

"Guys, listen, I get that you're not a fan of Kai, but I seriously need you all to back the hell off-"

Their faces immediately transformed into looks of shock and horror, and then they stopped looking at me and Kai and started staring around the room instead. At the same time, I felt just the slightest trickle of my power drain away, and I turned to Kai in confusion.

"What-?"

"I made us invisible," he quickly explained, suddenly looking a little concerned. "I hope that's okay. I needed to siphon you to do it, and we didn't really have time to consult. Agh, just, don't freak out on my-"

"Kai," I held up a hand to stop him, and he immediately froze, looking at me with wide eyes. I could see the fear and insecurity as plain as day, as he clearly worried he'd just scared off his new (and only) friend. "It's okay, I was just surprised. Honestly, it was a great move. We should probably get out of here, though, before they get any ideas."

Kai sagged with relief. "Okay, good, because for a second I thought-"

"Hey. Seriously, it's okay. It's going to take more than a well-timed spell to frighten me off. I'm friends with an Original vampire, remember?"

Kai smiled at me, then started to look confused again as he raised his free hand to clutch at his chest.

"Is this... what is this? Ugh, feelings suck."

"No shit," I agreed with a laugh. Gently, I tugged him towards me with our joined hands, and he looked at me with wonder in his eyes. "You wanna talk about what it feels like?"

"It feels like I'm having a heart attack. And like... like insects are flapping around in my chest whenever I look at you. Are you secretly killing me with some spell I don't know about?"

I couldn't help a small laugh, even as I shook my head.

"Most people call those butterflies, Kai."

"This is what people were talking about when they said that? Weird, but... kinda fits."

I hummed, then on whim that I let myself be carried away by, I leaned up and kissed Kai on the cheek. He turned to look at me in complete shock, a disbelieving but happy and dazed look on his face, and I couldn't help another small laugh.

"C'mon, we can analyze how close butterflies and heart attacks are to the same feeling later," I said, tugging him along with me towards the front doors of the Salvatore house. "Right now, we've got a road trip to New Orleans to begin. And once we get to the car I can show you Spotify. You're gonna love it."

"I can't wait," he said, his voice still a little dreamy as he followed behind me. Now it was my turn to fight butterflies as we snuck out of the house together, still hand in hand. As much as I'd compared him to Kol, I'd never felt like this around my best friend.

Whatever the future held next, I could tell it was going to be an absolutely incredible adventure. And no matter what, I truly couldn't wait to get to know Kai Parker, especially away from all the drama of Mystic Falls.

I had a good feeling about this.

[willothewispwisteriadawn]

Until Dawn Movie Announcement Thoughts

Moving over here because somehow Tumblr of all places is where I can more candidly put forth my Until Dawn movie reservations. Reddit is a bit touchy now.

Okay, am I happy this means there will be a resurgence in interest for the game? Absolutely. Totally. Stoked and on the hype machine.

But… a movie adaptation of what is already almost a movie except interactive? What do we gain in that? Like here are some immediate things that are hitting me:

1) It could just be boring because we’ve seen this… cinematically… before

2) You mess with the sensitivity that is making things more “canon” than other things because the source is choice based.

3) If everyone lives, that’s kinda an odd horror film (though at this point, I’m preferring this option). If anyone dies, fans will be inevitably pissed because you’re actively picking favorites, and it shows.

4) This isn’t old enough to get a new cast. Most people seem very attached to the old one (I super am). Like idk… it doesn’t feel right to recast this? I don’t like it. Especially for Josh like… does anyone think Rami Malek can be replaced in this role??? The problem is he was too perfect.

5) I’ve just been bitten so many times with new material in my fandoms reversing the effect of the old or weakening the original meaning/intention and I hate it and trust nothing new years later anymore.

6) Is this in place of a remaster or sequel because now I’m wondering if we could have had a remaster and now I’m bitter.

Like I’m going to stay semi-sane and optimistic because yay Until Dawn hype! I just want people to talk about it! And who knows, maybe the movie will just be og cast Until Dawn with extra focus on the astounding bond of friendship Josh, Chris, and Sam share and end with redemption for Wendigo Josh, rendering it literally the perfect movie! There could be gold here. But red flags. Red flags everywhere.

[iguessitsjustme]

Love Sea Ep 3 Thoughts

I just had the kind of day that makes you fall back in love with life a little bit. So what better time to watch Love Sea than right now? I will say I have been warned that certain parts of this episode will make me angry. So odds are, if you like the show, you won’t like my thoughts. But I’ll go in with an open mind. Episode 2 was fine. Right? Right. Anyway, just in case, if you click the read more and you don’t like what I say…that’s on you. You were warned. So let’s do this thing. Episode 3 time.

This time the movie I watched before this show didn’t have literally the best sound mixing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. So I think my ears are safe this time. It won’t be good but at least I’m not going from the best to…this.

IQIYI translate texts challenge 2k24. I said it last time and I’ll say it again. I am very skilled. I have many talents. Reading Thai is not one of them. What’s the point of paying for this streaming service if they’re only gonna half ass the subs? Anyway. Give the translators a raise and hire more of them. Or face my wrath in the form of one tiny little post under a read more on the internet that you will never see. But you should feel my scorn. Feel it!

Rak better keep his glasses. I swear if Rak loses his glasses….

It is raining in the show so I feel the need to tell y’all that I bought two umbrellas today! They were both on clearance. Isn’t that great? My collection grows.

Oh also IQIYI translate the fucking spoken words too challenge??? Girl what is going on.

I have no context for this line. Zero. Why are they talking about her boobs? What is happening in the rest of the conversation. Cause I also can’t speak Thai. I wish I could. That language is simply not in my wheelhouse.

I could be watching the Stray Kid’s cover of Sherlock for the millionth time but instead I’m listening to a Thai phone call that means nothing to me. All I know is she mentioned her boobs.

Noisy drunk street people go home challenge. Go home and stop conversatin right outside my apartment. Do that elsewhere. You have now left the bar cause it’s closed. My apartment is not open for business so I don’t know why you’re loitering outside it. Time to blast some kpop real quick. That typically works. Oh they left before I got to play any music. They must have a sixth sense.

Thank god I got this conversation fully subbed. The fuck is up with his dad? Actually. You know what? I don’t want to know. Whatever it is, it’s bad. And I don’t want that. I don’t trust MAME to do trauma actually. Well. I trust MAME will do trauma but I don’t trust her to do it well.

I STILL CAN’T READ THAI.

I did not gain that skill in the last 15 minutes. Why are they doing this to me specifically?

I am enjoying this song a whole lot.

Why are we getting flashbacks in every episode? MAME is a better writer than this. Why is she relying so heavily on flashbacks? I’m so confused.

Rak, do not go to a secondary location with that man. Dear Mut, what the fuck? He has said no. That is a complete sentence. And believe it or not, he does not need to explain it to you. He was being generous by telling you why he said no. But you are going to force him to go somewhere else? Have you considered I hate you and will kick you right in the balls?

The music is trying to convince me this is romantic but honestly I’m just confused.

THEY DIDN’T EVEN WEAR HELMETS. And then my soul was launched from my body straight into the sun and I feel nothing anymore.

Oh to be stargazing on a beach while laying next to a hot boy and having deep conversations about life. Oh if only that were me. Hey real quick, anyone want to go stargazing with me? I’ve never been stargazing and I think I should do it. 

I’ve only been watching this episode for 23 minutes. I thought it was almost over. This shit is dragging. The directing in this show needs significant work. There is not enough movement on screen in far too many scenes. Even when We Are had two characters (Tan and Fang) just standing and talking, it wasn’t difficult to watch because they were both constantly moving. Well, mostly Tan. But Fang did too. There was something for the eye to catch. Something to watch. With Love Sea, they have Rak and Mut just stand and talk, or sit and talk, or lay down and talk, and there is not nearly enough movement. They need to be doing something. I am moving more just sitting on my ass on my couch (shoveling cake in my mouth) while I watch than these two are doing on screen and that is a directorial problem. Imagine working with an established actor pair who are known partially for their chemistry together and just…having them lay there. I was prepared to go into this show mad at it for the typical MAME reasons but honestly, I’m mostly mad that the show elements are bad. The writing is not up to MAME’s usual standard and the directing is ass. The music is par for the course and I’m more objective about it this week at least.

FINALLY. Some movement. God that took forever.

It must be nice to be able to read Thai and know what the fuck is being said.

People stop reading over Rak’s shoulder. Let him have some privacy. The fuck?

If someone forcibly made me cover up like that on a hot day, I would pull a gun outta my ass and shoot them. It is HOT. I am SWEATY. Let me BREATHE.

MUT. NO DOES ME NO. BUT NOT WHEN YOU’RE TRYING TO OVERRIDE SOMEONE’S AUTONOMY. LET RAK’S TITS BREATHE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. LET THEM BREATHE.

Save Mook. Seriously. Save her.

Horny boys.

This scene would have far more emotional impact if we had any more time with these characters. Literally we started the episode with Rak refusing to go somewhere with Mut and being forced to go. And now he’s willing to stay? Doesn’t he believe love is a figment of the imagination? Did that fucking change? Did we see that change? Was it in one of the texts I couldn’t read?

I’m not…angry at this show. I mean Mut is never gonna be my favorite and neither is Rak, but MAME has had far worse cough cough PrapaiSky cough cough This show’s problem is actually the worst problem a show can have: it’s boring. I’m bored. The writing is lazy, the directing is abysmal, and honestly the sound mixing thinks it’s doing something and utterly failing. Those are the only three things I feel I’m knowledgeable enough to comment on but I’m sure the rest isn’t great either. I’m upset that I can’t even be mad at the characters. Cause it’s all so boring. When did I go back in time to get a BL that was so poorly written as to be a joke? It’s 2024. I refuse to believe this is what they put together. For all its faults, LITA was at least entertaining. At least it didn’t ruin my lovely day. I am gonna go get ready for bed now because unfortunately, I have to work in the morning. Oh to have a summer off. Oh to go to the sea and stargaze at the beach. I can’t believe this show managed to make even that boring.

[sjsmith56]

Away Mission - Part 1

Summary: Bucky deliberately ends his relationship with the Avengers and his girlfriend in order to undertake a secret undercover mission for Nick Fury.

Length: 2.9 K

Characters: Bucky Barnes, named OFC (not described), Nick Fury, Alphonso Mackenzie, Shuri

Warnings: Bucky deliberately being an asshole for a reason, angst, breakups.

💔 🙋🏻‍♂️

Part 1

Sloan

It was like a scene from a movie, a heartbreaking scene. The main female character, me, Sloan Hunter, respected writer, and once voted most likely to win a journalism award, finally realizes that she can no longer stay with the main male character, the man she loves. In this real-life scenario that wasn’t a movie, that part was played by one James Buchanan Barnes, former Howling Commando, former Winter Soldier, and now former Avenger, and former love of my life. My bags were packed, a friend was on her way to pick me up, and I was waiting for Bucky to say something, anything, to convince me to stay. Instead, he sat sprawled on the chair, his legs splayed out and wearing that look on his face that he often had that was a cross between a smirk and a scowl.

“I don’t know what you expect me to say, Sloan,” he said, his voice sounding like anything other than a man who once said he loved me. “I can’t change who I am. You knew my issues when we first got together, and I still have them.”

“If it was just your issues, I could stay,” I replied. “But it’s not, Bucky, and you know it. You’ve changed in the last few months. You’ve pulled away from me, isolated yourself from everyone who cares for you, and quite frankly I don’t even recognize you anymore. You won’t even talk about it with anyone.”

“Nothin’ to talk about,” he stated. “I quit the Avengers and there’s nothing more to be said.”

“Quit? Is that what you’re calling it?” I shook my head. “If you call deliberately wrecking your relationship with your best friend, then acting like an asshole to people who used to trust you to have their back, quitting, then you’re worse off than I thought. You were fired.”

He shrugged. “Not my circus anymore.” He stood up, poured himself a double scotch and lit a cigarette, even that act showing his disregard for me as I hated the smell. “I just got tired of trying to make people think I was worth their trust. There’s a lot of money to be made as a mercenary and I’m ready to start making money with my unique skill set. They don’t call them soldiers of fortune for nothing.”

My phone’s text alert went off and I checked it to learn my friend was downstairs. With nothing more to be said, I maneuvered my suitcases through the door and took the elevator down to the lobby. My girlfriend helped me load the suitcases in the trunk and I got in. I tried not to cry as she pulled the car away, but I was bawling like a baby by the next stop sign. Bucky didn’t even say goodbye when I left.

I was staying with her for a while but after that I didn’t know what I was going to do. Part of the reason I lived with Bucky was to allow me the opportunity to write my novel, without having to worry about a job, paying bills, and dealing with the little things of life. When Bucky asked me to move in with him, he swore that his Avengers pay would cover everything for both of us. Now we were both discarded like neither were of any consequence. I wasn’t just heartbroken; I was disappointed that the man I loved and admired had turned into someone I didn’t know any more.

Bucky

It was quiet in the apartment after she left and as empty as I felt inside. I took my phone out of my pocket and sent the confirmation text to Fury. Ready for pickup. He texted back within seconds. The crew is coming up to clear out the apartment. Everything will be put into storage. Take nothing with you, including your cellphone. I turned it off and waited for the knock on the door. When it came, I opened the door, receiving the security code from the man waiting there. Handing him my keys I left him and his crew to clear out my apartment. I went down to the lobby then out to the street and directly into the large black SUV waiting at the curb. Fury was in the back seat.

“We’ll keep Sloan under surveillance,” he said. “I already have a job opportunity set up for her with an operative in place there to keep her safe, and another in her friend’s apartment building. The friend’s apartment has been wired and when she moves into her own place it will be wired as well. If they come for her, we’ll have a team there within 30 seconds.”

“You better keep your end of the bargain,” I replied. “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me and doing this to her has been painful for both of us. Not to mention lying to my friends and colleagues. They may never trust me again if this doesn’t work.”

“It will work,” said the former director of SHIELD. “There’s no one else I can trust to do this; no one else who can convince people that he’s turned. Those videos from Madripoor proved that. As soon as they hit the internet, people said they knew it was all an act, that you faked being sorry for what the Soldier did.”

I didn’t react visibly but inside I was seething. Zemo really set me up for this with his suggestion that I pretend I was still the Winter Soldier when we were investigating the Flag Smashers. It was bad enough that the Wakandans were almost apoplectic over that charade. They were going to have a coronary over this scheme.

“Shuri knows the argument we had in public was a set-up, doesn’t she? It seemed awfully real from my perspective.”

“Yes, Shuri and King M’Baku are the only ones who know the truth. No one else does, well, except for my driver.”

He nodded towards the man behind the wheel, Alphonso Mackenzie, the current head of SHIELD, or what it evolved into after it was resurrected two years after I stopped being the Soldier, two years after Natasha Romanoff released all of SHIELD’s dirty laundry on the internet, including the fact it had been completely infiltrated by my former captors, HYDRA.

By the time we arrived at the safe house, I was almost second guessing my decision to take part in this mission. But I owed it to Shuri, and to her late brother, T’Challa to integrate myself with the team of mercenaries that were being assembled to break the Wakandan defences, setting up an attempt at a coup. The team was hired by a private security firm that was supposedly financed by a consortium of industrialists who wanted control of the vibranium in the country. When Fury first contacted me several months ago, alerting me to this attempt at violating Wakandan sovereignty, I was initially reluctant to be involved, not because I didn’t want to protect the country. I had worked hard to get past all that I had done as the Winter Soldier. The thought of giving all that up to successfully infiltrate this mercenary force did not appeal to me. Then Fury reminded me that he did much the same, when he authorized Natasha to reveal everything about SHIELD in order to cleanse it completely of the taint it had by HYDRA’s infestation of the organization he was associated with. We needed to find out who made up that consortium.

“By showing your willingness to do what is necessary to save Wakanda you will prove beyond all doubt and for all time that you are an honourable man,” he argued.

To make it believable that I was willing to turn my back on the Avengers and my life with Sloan, the plan was conceived for me to become increasingly jaded and cynical at remaining with that organization, apparently not a hard thing for me to accomplish. I picked fights with my colleagues, insulted them and their abilities, showed up late, left early, and made it known I was done being a good guy for the measly pay we received in comparison to those on the private payrolls of the corporations that seemed to operate with impunity. There was talk of rescinding my pardon but some of those same corporations had deep pockets and successfully convinced the politicians in those pockets to squash any talk of that. When they came looking for me, a former marine sergeant showed up at a coffee shop where I was, leaving a card with a phone number on it. I called, and the person on the other end of the line offered me a hefty pay check to lead one or more of their “private security teams” employed to look after the interests of a certain conglomerate as part of their international operations. I was in, or I would be once I underwent some enhancements at the SHIELD safe house before my rendezvous with my new employer.

We pulled into the driveway of a ramshackle garage that was part of a rundown house in one of the worst parts of New York City. The door to the garage opened automatically for us and closed behind the vehicle once we were inside. I went to get out, but Fury shook his head.

“Stay inside,” he said, as Mack sent a text from his phone. The garage was actually the top level of an elevator, and the platform we were on slowly moved down through several levels before opening onto a place that rivalled anything I had ever seen in a James Bond movie. When it stopped, Mack drove towards another door; this one slid open and closed behind us. Only then was I allowed to step out of the vehicle, with Fury and Mackenzie joining me. We entered a single door, walked down a long hallway and came to a lab, that equaled those I had seen in Wakanda.

“Sergeant Barnes,” said a familiar voice and I soon saw the smiling face of Shuri. “Welcome to the Wakandan Outreach Centre, or rather our secret lair version. I am going to make some adjustments to your arm and shoulder unit that will allow us to monitor you. There are also some rather innocuous devices that you can use to provide audio and video that will be monitored by one of us at all times.” I smiled weakly at her, as the last time I saw her she threatened to kill me. “We were very convincing to the general public at our last meeting, weren’t we?”

With that greeting and acknowledgement of what we both had to do to provide a convincing story, I was asked to remove my shirt and she disconnected my arm, putting it off to the side while she opened a panel on the back of my shoulder unit. As she worked, she described what she was doing.

“I am taking out a component and replacing it with an almost identical component that has been updated with a secure GPS tracker. It is a component that was manufactured at the same time as your arm and shoulder. The GPS tracker has been camouflaged to appear as a linking component for your arm. If they scan you it will show up as a communications nodule connecting your arm’s function to that of the shoulder unit. It will appear to be configured to work only to keep the two units communicating. I’ll install a similar nodule in the arm.”

“They won’t be able to tell that it’s giving my location?”

“No, it’s one of my inventions that I haven’t patented yet and there is nothing like it in the world,” she replied, as she finished inserting the component and replacing the panel on my shoulder. “It is set at a frequency that shouldn’t be detectable to any sort of sensor except for what I have here.”

She used another device to make it look like the component was soldered in place years ago when it was originally installed. Then she came around to my front, looking kindly at me. Gently, she ran her fingertips over the seam of the chest portion of the shoulder unit. Another access panel opened, and she inserted a slender tool into it coming out with a computer chip.

“This computer chip is a backup chip that reboots your arm in the event of a power surge,” she said, showing me the old chip. “You can see there was some damage to it after the battle you and Sam Wilson had with John Walker, when he still claimed the shield.”

“Did you have eyes on us then?”

She smiled mysteriously. “There are always eyes to hack into,” she said. “Sam’s Red Wing units had a record of the event and we saw the effect the power surge had on you. I’ll put an upgraded chip in that will withstand any surge. It will also have a unique feature that will allow for separate tracking. It’s been made to appear to have been manufactured shortly after that time, and I have created a record of you coming to one of our more visible Outreach Centres for the upgrade shortly after that incident just so that the timeline is consistent.”

She inserted the new chip and closed the access panel. While she worked on the arm, testing its functions and running updates on the systems that she changed the date of, Mack brought out a go bag of tactical gear and weapons for me.

“The tactical suit that you wore during the Flag Smashers has been duplicated,” he said. “The new version, which looks exactly the same visually has been outfitted with sensors that will record your surroundings in both audio and visual format. It will store everything you record and upload its data every time it is near a wifi source. When you are not in or near a wifi signal, or if they have implemented a dampening field it will appear to be a regular part of the uniform, just like something commonly used in military tactical uniforms. It is possible they may insist you wear their gear as part of their mercenary force. If they do, then the same sensors have been inserted into portions of your weapons. Of course, if you’re using the weapons, it will affect the quality of the recordings, but something is better than nothing.”

Shuri finished updating my arm and came over with it to re-insert it into the socket. After it clicked into place, I recalibrated it by swinging it backwards in an arc. Mack came with another bag of clothing for me, casual wear. That and the go bag with my suit and weapons were all I was taking with me.

“If you ever feel that you are in danger or when you have compiled all the evidence and require extraction, all you have to do is say “Reclaim my past,” said Fury. “The recording device will pick it up and we will institute a search and rescue of you immediately upon receipt. Since there is a possibility that your recording doesn’t upload right away you are authorized to use deadly force to protect yourself until extraction. I know you vowed not to kill again but I hope you see the need to stay alive.”

I nodded. It wasn’t something I wanted to do, no matter what, but if I had to kill someone to get away from danger then I would do so. With my arm back in place, I pulled my shirt on and grabbed the two bags. Shuri placed her hand on my forearm, squeezing it before quickly patting my cheek, as a goodbye and good luck. We returned to the vehicle and went back up the elevator to the street. After confirming we weren’t being followed, they dropped me off on a street corner and I walked a couple of blocks before hailing a cab. The driver dropped me off at the rendezvous point that had been agreed upon and I waited.

Two hours later a white panel van pulled up and the passenger window was rolled down. A man pointed a gun at me.

“Get in the back,” he said, as the side panel slid open.

I did as I was told and stepped inside. As the door slid shut a black bag was put over my head and my bags taken from me.

“Sit down, shut up, and relax,” said another voice. “We’ll drive for a while to make sure you weren’t followed then we’ll take you to our transport.”

“You know I could kill all of you without breaking a sweat,” I said.

“We know,” replied the voice. “But you won’t. If you care about her, you’ll do as you’re told.”

With that threat I knew that they already had an upper hand. The “her” was Sloan and they probably knew where she was. If they knew that then it meant they at least had eyes on her and possibly had their own operative near her. So, I said nothing, and settled back against the side of the van, waiting for the next part of this operation to unfold.

Part 2

Short Fiction Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Please support the author by reblogging.

[lousirs]

Hi!

It’s me again and I was wondering what is the solution for Lou’s situation?

Like he was alone for who knows how long (with short amount of time with Ox, but that ended terribly) teaching these dolls. Of course that time he was probably isolated from the rest of the doll’s. And in the end of the movie he is basically degraded to janitor so he lost his purpose (train dolls) and I guess to identity (he isn’t perfect anymore, everyone hates him) is basically unneeded. And of course he still can’t go to the Big world.

Like I know he should face punishment for what he did. But still what do you think they should do with him? (They can’t just leave him to do the janitor job, at least I don’t think that’s the solution.)

Thank you for your answer and have a good day:)

hello again :)

yeah, lou's situation is literal hell.

he's stuck in doll purgatory, he's lost his purpose as a mentor and teacher, he's forced to clean up after everyone (which must suck because i'm guessing the prettydolls and uglydolls are going wild with messiness)(lydia literally covered her face in green paint for the hell of it so)...

my solution? MAKE HIS SITUATION LESS UNBEARABLE. he'll never be able to leave, so why not at least make him feel welcome? he did wrong, of course, but in the end he was probably following protocol. because who would want a doll that is below standard? not the factory, that's for sure. that'll ruin their reputation.

i want lou to have a friend so bad. like, someone that isn't concerned about the big world as much as everyone else, who reaches out to lou despite how others treat him, and show genuine kindess to him, which allows him to become a better doll because of it. i want someone to stick up for him, realise that what he did was wrong, but also realise that constantly humiliating him and isolating him isn't going to help anything. i want lou to open up to this friend, about the years of lonliness and pain he's suffered through being a prototype, having to watch endless dolls leave him to gain the love he will never obtain.

the friend could be anyone, really. my personal take is that it's nolan. yes, i know that lou called him ugly and left him to the dog, but lou called loads of prettydolls (and the uglydolls) ugly (so it wasn't really targeted)(nolan was just one example out of many) and he left his own henchmen (tuesday) to take the bullet for him during the gauntlet, not just nolan. lou only cared about the uglydolls failing, he didn't care at the time about anything else. nolan sending lou to the washer was karma for lou sending the uglydolls (and perhaps the prettydolls) to the washer as well. and besides, the other dolls were wanting lou dead with his stuffing teared out. nolan basically saved him there. also, lou being captured by the dog is additional karma for not saving nolan (and stopping tuesday from saving him) earlier.

anywho, i think nolan would be the best option for pre-existing characters (since nolan seemed to like lou despite lou's insults)(and nolan seems like an empathetic sweetheart)...

i may be slightly biased as a nolou shipper and nolan and lou being my favourites, but i've always thought that they would become friends. not instantly though, lou would probably still be hostile to everyone (because of trust issues and general anger) and get mad at nolan for throwing him in the washer, but ya know. it's a slow-cooked friendship.

moxy or ox or mandy are also decent options, though i think with them, they have more history with lou, and were treated worse (just my opinion though)(but he did try to recycle all three of them at some point). they could work, but it would need for lou to realise his mistakes, and for the other doll to forgive him (either after he apologises or they do some reflecting idk).

a totally new character could also work.

but i want in the end for lou to apologise to the dolls he's hurt, and for them to eventually forgive him (or at least tolerate him) and allow him to feel included. to feel loved. that would be nice.

...or just do what the doll jail AU is doing. send that silly doll to jail why not--

[theoffice-imagines]

Prompts

Sick/comfort:

1) “Are you alright?”

2) “You’re face a little flushed.”

3) “You’re so pale…”

4) “You look like you’re about to fall over.”

5) “Everything okay there?”

6) “I think so..”

7) “It’s just hot in here..”

8) “Am I?”

9) “I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

10) “I’m fine. Why?”

11) “It’s just a cold.”

12) “I feel strange..”

13) “I’ve felt kind of off all day..”

14) “I’m a little under the weather is all..”

15) “I really don’t feel good.”

16) “Let me take a look at you.”

17) “Come here, baby.”

18) “Here, sit down..”

19) “Can I check your temperature?”

20) “Stay put while I get the thermometer.”

21) “You feel so warm..”

22) “102? No wonder…”

23) “You’re burning up!”

24) “There’s something definitely going on with you.”

25) “Let me take you to the doctor.”

26) “I know you’re not hungry, but you need to eat.”

27) “Try a little broth, for me?”

28) “Drink your tea, it’ll help your throat.”

Angst/fluff:

1) “She was crying because of you!”

2) “I know for a fact that you’re not fine!”

3) “You’re looking at me like you’re disgusted. What did I do? Just tell me what I did, please!”

4) “I’m fine. Stop asking.”

5) “You said you needed space.”

6) “I’m not jealous!”

7) “Are you awake?”

8) “Are you done with that?”

9) “That doesn’t even make any sense!”

10) “Don’t ask me that!”

11) “This isn’t your fault.”

12) “Just admit it. You know I’m right.”

13) “What’s with the box?”

14) “Say it!”

15) “I could kiss you right now!”

16) “Just pretend to be my date.”

17) “Excuse you?”

18) “I might have had a few shots.”

19) “You did what?!”

20) “Come here. Rest, honey.”

21) “I have never been more in love with anyone than I am with you.”

22) “Are you okay?”

23) “I just don’t like thunderstorms.”

24) “I get it alright? I messed up!”

25) “What do you need me to do?”

26) “I can’t sleep.”

27) “When was the last time you slept?”

28) “I want to protect you.”

29) “Give it back!”

30) “Well, this is just great.”

Random:

1) “You’re always on my mind.”

2) “You have no idea how much you mean to me.”

3) “You’ve always felt like home.”

4) “I can’t imagine this world without you.”

5) “Trust me.”

6) “Why are you crying?”

7) “Who hurt you?”

8) “Was it me?”

9) “Nothing is wrong with you.”

10) “You make me feel alive.”

11) “I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

12) “Who cares about what they think?”

13) “Lets go.”

14) “I’m not going anywhere.”

15) “Tell me what’s wrong.”

16) “You’ve always got me.”

17) “You look like you could use a hug.”

18) “Did you need something?”

19) “Just talk to me.”

20) “I can’t take the silence anymore.”

21) “Why are you so jealous?”

22) “You can’t do that. Not here.”

23) “Stop pretending you’re okay, because I know you’re not.”

24) “You owe me!”

25) “That wasn’t funny.”

26) “I love that show, too!”

27) “This tastes horrible.”

28) “This is delicious!”

29) “Can I borrow that book of yours?”

30) “Let me help you with that.”

31) “Don’t make me come over there myself.”

32) “Wanna go see a movie with me sometime?”

33) “Do you believe in ghosts?”

Hurt/comfort:

1) “I don’t remember that..”

2) “I didn’t do it!”

3) “Well, that was pretty rude of you to say..”

4) “Don’t touch me!”

5) “Are you mad at me?”

6) “Stop ignoring me!”

7) “Take that back!”

8) “We’re not just friends and you know it!”

9) “Please don’t cry, I can’t stand to see you cry.”

10) “Where do you think you’re going?”

11) “Just leave me alone.”

12) “Just talk to me.”

13) “You’re so beautiful..”

14) “You’re making me blush!”

15) “Stop being so cute!”

16) “You’re the best!

17) “Are we good now?”

18) “Stop lying to me and tell me the truth!”

19) “You belong to me!”

20) “Don’t get up. I’ll do it.”

21) “How about a kiss?”

22) “Don’t scare me like that.”

23) “I’m here for you.”

24) “Don’t ever do that again!”

25) “Don’t say that. Not now.”

26) “Everyone deserves a second chance.”

27) “Excuse me, I’m terribly lost. Can you help me?”

28) “You don’t have to stay.”

29) “You deserve so much better.”

30) “You did all of this for me?”

***

@theoffice-imagines

Request a prompt number for any of these characters:

• Michael Scott

• Dwight Schrute

• David Wallace

• Andy Bernard

• Jim

• Pam

• Angela

• Karen

• Kelly

• Erin

• Holly

[bastionbibi]

Hi, Drabble Anon here and I’ve taken your suggestion into consideration and have decided to put ghost au and swapover au to ao3 once I get my computer fixed! Thank you so much for answering to these little drabbles, I’m really glad you’ve enjoyed them. As thanks, here are a few things for you in regards to the aus, I hope you have a good day/night:

Ghost au:

- It’s very common for ghosts to attach to people they know, whether it be family, friends, loved ones or even animals and people they hate. If they don’t have anyone to attach to, they linger on in familiar places until their soul eases enough to move on.

- When it comes to interacting with the living and corporeal, at a baseline they can make their presence be sensed via warm feelings like the ones Taka’aki feels whenever his family hugs him. Each ‘warmth’ is distinct but if it’s someone they hate then it’s either cold or really hot. However, as Hiromitsu said, it requires concentration, determination and pinpointing what you want to do, hence why Date phased through Takagi. This also applies to manipulating objects but sometimes when a soul wants to protect something or someone, they can instantly pinpoint and interact with things around them like when Date was holding back the rubble.

- When a ghost dies, to others they look about the age when they died but to the living, there’s ‘markings’ so to say that shows how a ghost died. Taka’aki nearly had a panic attack when he tried to capture his parents in a picture and saw the stab wounds he found on their corpses on them in bloody red. Taka’aki also withheld the urge to hold back tears when he saw a crossed out heart over Aoi’s chest and a bullet hole in Hiromitsu’s.

- Depending on how angered/determined a ghost is, they can briefly appear to the living and manipulate things heavily correlated to their deaths. For a ghost who was stabbed to death, they could either make someone feel a horrible stabbing pain without killing them or ease the pain of someone being stabbed. You can imagine how Jodie’s dad looked to Vermouth when a body of fire with gunshot holes in his chest suddenly appeared.

- The Kudos have a very strange connection to the dead, something Yusaku is strangely oblivious to, citing it as normal. Yukiko mostly shrugged and adapted to the strange stuff.

- Bad Omen is not the only non-ghost entity.

Swapover au:

- Melkior doesn’t have family, at least not anymore. No one knows why he’s hunting down the Black Organisation of his world but he does care for those he trust in his own way.

- Rachel often spars with her Sonoko whose also known as the boxing queen/the princess of kicks. Phantom Magician is both impressed and terrified of her.

- Some swapped characters haven’t had their roles fleshed out yet since swapover is a newer au but I do have some plans.

- Taka’aki haven’t heard from his brother in a while but Scotch still checks up on him to ensure that he remains safe and out of the black organisation’s sight.

- The swapped Akai family is a bit more… complicated so to say.

And now, a teaser for something that’s still in the works:

*Brring!* *Riiing!*

“Hello?”

“Finally, you’ve picked up! I’ve been trying to call you for ages!”

“Well I’m sorry that my life’s constantly busy with murder cases every damn week!”

“And? That’s no reason not to miss movie night!”

“Again?”

“Hey, wasn’t my idea and we all need the breathers after what we went through. We’ll be meeting tomorrow, same spot.”

“Ugh.. fine, I’ll come. But I’m bringing the alcohol. Last loop was hell…”

“Yeah, that’s understandable… I’m still not over it honestly, all the more reason to have this movie night.”

“Do I at least get to pick a movie?”

“We all do, so no worries, you get your chance!”

“So long as we’re not watching another Speed Racer.”

“Oh come on, that’s a classic!”

“For you it is.”

I have had this in my inbox for close to a month now and I'm so sorry for not publishing it till now... I forgot about it, only when I got a notification for a new message did I open my inbox again.

I'm glad that you're thinking of posting it, maybe you can send me a link for it when you do?

I know that you answered a lot already and you don't have to elaborate on this ofc! But I keep wondering what happens if they're haunted by a malevolent spirit, like the spirit of someone you killed or someone who actively wants revenge since the only spirits we see for now are those who wants to protect the living.

Wouldn't it be interesting if Conan is haunted by one of those too??

Also, I don't wanna pressure you ofc but I LOVE the swapover AU so much, because while I do like detco characters, their author rarely ever delve deep into their characterization, I mean, Sonoko is the best friend of the protag but we rarely ever see her outside of her days as being rich, having crushes, and while she has her moments, for someone who's been in the series for so long, I think she deserve more development. We got a few episodes with her being a detective lately which is good! But I can't help but wishing her and other characters gets more episode that doesn't just involve some recycled murder plot ya know.

And swapping their personality and using them as comparison to their original ones can give a new POV of that, if you ever publish it, please send them here aha

ALSO WHAT DO YOU MEAN "last loop"?? Are some of them trapped in this? I need to know AAAAAA. Again, thank you for sending me these.

[jojosiwaknock-off]

little(giant) vent

I hate it. I don’t have anything to distract myself with. I won’t cry. I CAN’T cry.

Because my teachers and parents did a horrible job at teaching an emotionally sensitive kid with anger issues to control their emotions and now I can’t release my emotions when I need to.

I won’t cry when I’ll feel absolutely awful but will cry when something small happens that just shatters one of the bottles of negative emotions that sit on my shelf of a body.

I wan’t to cry. I really, REALLY do, to let all this awful stuff in me out. I try, but all that happens is tears prick at my eyes before getting shoved back down.

I can’t cut anymore because my mom’s saying she’ll report me to the school if she finds new scars on my wrists again. I’d report myself if I could. But they’ll most likely stuff me with antidepressants and call it a day. If I’m unlucky I’ll get sent to the same therapy place that my friend goes to where they do shit about your mental health.

I have to listen to music to try to finally cry because the only thing that can make me cry now is movies, shows and music.

The only reason I’m still here is because I’m scared of death, of what’s in the darkness at the said ‘end of the light’, of what’ll happen to my consciousness.

I’ve been feeling pretty horrible for the past hour or two and I’m finally starting to feel a little better since I made a playlist just for this and have been listening to it for 20 minutes by now.

My mom wants to know what’s wrong except I won’t tell her. “You can come to me with any problems you’ve got” she told me when I was younger, but when I did come to her with my feelings and problems, it turned out I was in the wrong about everything, about feeling those emotions, about my actions. And so she acts pissy about me not telling her anything.

I trust people on here with my emotions more than my family and most of my friends, and those of them who know only know half the truth. I wish I could tell someone face to face, but I don’t think I’d be able to tell anyone I know without lying to them. Sometimes I feel like I’d be able to say all of this if I was speaking to one of my trusted mutuals. Like I’d be able to tell them everything, to cry when doing so, to feel comforted when hugging them