#I don't know it was funnier in my head

[tzarrz]

This came to me in a dream - PART 2

[lunameimei]

when your friend just tried to kill your friend

[kaeyapilled]

when kaeya was a kid his most exacerbated reaction to getting hurt was a very pointed "ow" and one tear at most. meanwhile when diluc got hurt he would wail and sob and sniffle around all day afterwards. and yknow what i think that their essence hasn't changed now that they're adults. kaeya who says "this doesn't.. look good.." when he dies in game and diluc who says "my flame.....has been..extinguished....." like okay. we still know who's the most dramatic out of the two

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

*Marauders while studying*

Remus: Hey, Pads. Do you have the exams schedule?

Sirius: *distracted as he paints his nails* Yeah, here *passes him his phone* I think I took a picture of it.

Remus: *starts swiping through Sirius’s pictures until his eyes widen*

Remus: *shows something to Lily in Sirius’s phone*

Lily: *gasps and covers her mouth*

Remus: Aahmm... Sirius...

Sirius: *still painting his nails* Yeah?

Remus: Can I ask why you have pictures of a very naked James in your phone?

Sirius: *looks up in panic*

Lily: Of my boyfriend James, that is.

James: *looks up in panic*

James: *to Sirius* You didn't delete them?

Sirius: No! How can I delete pictures of our special night...

Remus: *raises an eyebrow*

Lily: *drops jaw*

James: *smiles* We did have fun, didn't we?

Sirius: It was the best night of my life, Prongs...

James: Mine as well, Pads...

*They smile at each other fondly*

Remus: Ah... Context please...

Lily: *panicking* Did you...

James and Sirius: *look at each other guiltily*

James and Sirius: Yeah...

Lily: *already panicked* You two had sex?

Sirius: Woaaah...

James: What???

Sirius: Who said anything about... that...

James: That's practically incest, Evans.

Sirius: We are brothers in every sense except blood...

Remus: Then why the pictures?

Lily: Why you said you had fun?

Sirius: James asked me to take sexy pictures of him to send to Evans.

James: Yeah, then I regretted it and decided not to send anything...

Sirius: And we did have fun... It was really funny to do so

James: *to Sirius* I thought you would delete them though...

Sirius: You're my best friend, Prongs!

Sirius: What if you die some day, I want to able to remember you...

Sirius: And not just your face, but you in all your glory...

Sirius: What kind of person would I be if I forgot how my best friend's body looks like after you pass...

James:...

James: I do have a good body...

Sirius: Yeah...

Remus:...

Lily:...

James:...

James: That's actually sweet, Pads

Sirius: Yeah...

James: *smiling* You're a good mate

Sirius: I know!

James: *kisses Sirius’s cheek and gets back to his book*

Sirius: *leaning to whisper to Remus* Also these are perfect for a good bribery...

Remus: You're so weird.

Lily: Can you at least share the pictures of MY boyfriend?

Remus:...

Sirius:...

Lily: *blushing* So we can all remember him when he dies...

James: Why do you all suddenly want me dead?

[lizhly-writes]

staring at my sqh/yqy peak lord fiance ficlet. consider this! sqh is still consorting with demons while this happens because why not. mobei-jun still exists and is fully aware of the whole "haha i'm engaged to my shixiong and everything is so fucking weird" and sqh is muttering about this as he looks through some northern desert stuff.

it's just. come on, yue-shixiong. we're engaged, you don't have to keep chasing after your xiao jiu -- not that sqh minds!!! if you two get along, great, that's everything that great airplane god wanted! but like, it gets really awkward when you run away while you're on a date with lil ole shang qinghua, and then everyone starts feeling very sorry for sqh for having a fiance so obviously in love with another man, which, okay, sqh absolutely took advantage of to get paperwork done at first, but it's starting to get wayyyyy more awkward now --

mbj finds himself in the wonderful position of being able to give sqh dating advice. does mbj date? no. but does he know what dating looks like? hell yeah. it seems a shame that his best spy/advisor/friend(?) doesn't know the answer to this.

"hit him," mbj suggests.

"what," sqh says.

"three times a day."

and then we get into a discussion on demon courting and sqh going "haha that's nice but yqy isn't a demon" and mbj is like "i don't understand why you don't try it, how else are you going to get his attention".

"humans don't court by punching people???"

"you don't appear to be making any progress doing this the human way." and mbj says this super condescendingly, too. like hey, sqh, you're such a loser. you have no game. of course you have no bitches. how can you have bitches if you don't punch people in the face.

well, yeah?? fuck you too, my king! it's not like you've ever had a date, are you not launching a boulder while being precariously balanced on your glass peak (me: i'm paraphrasing bu-ding-talk, check them out)? sqh could totally make progress if he wants to! not that he wants to! who wants to make progress with yqy??

anyway, this gets buried until the next time yqy pays sqq too much attention and sqh had the most resigned fucking look on his face. like come on. this again?

lqg is there. sqh makes incredibly awkward small talk. like haha hey how's your engagement to sqq. good? bad? ahahaha yeah, actually, sqh didn't have to ask, obviously it's bad. look, our fiances are running away with each other. people keep telling sqh that he needs to keep yue-shixiong's attention somehow, but all the advice is weird. in fact this guy last week said that sqh should hit yqy three times a day, not that sqh is going to try that --

"hmm," says lqg. "that's not a bad idea."

sqh is abruptly reminded that he is talking to lqg, a man who probably would be more interested in people if they punched him in the face.

"is that what you're doing with sqq???" says sqh.

the answer is no, of course not, don't be dumb. but like, if sqq WASN'T a poisonous snake of a man and a decent human being, lqg would mayhaps have his interest piqued with a good fight. that's so much better than flowers and haircombs. who wants courting gifts when you can have a good punch in the face.

"hahaha thanks liu-shidi but maybe not i think yue-shixiong could probably kill me if i tried," says sqh and scurries away.

fast-forward a week or two, in which sqh is having a stressful time. maybe it's tax season. maybe it's a shitty night hunt that he has no business being on. either way, yqy is there with him and good god is yqy zoned out.

is yqy actually zoned out? eh, maybe not. perhaps he is actually fully paying attention, but also he takes a look at a stand for fans while sqh is talking to him and sqh is like "shit, is this sqq again?" exasperation turning into anger while sqh is just, super stressed, and he just needs yqy to pay attention to him just this once, and the thought occurs -- well, at least two separate people have told him that he just needs to hit yqy --

all this to say that sqh just fucking decks yqy

[kommandonuovidiavoli]

Get Shrek'd, loser.

[heybabybird]

AU where everything is the same but Tim have really bad eyesight and refused to get glasses or contacts for it

[revrads]

"Rivers Is A Vampire" by Bear Ghost is such a funny song in hindsight cause you have people interpreting it as either an original vampire character who tries to blend in with the youth or a commentary on the parasocial relationship influencers have with their viewers, when in reality the song is literally about the Frontman of Weezer, Rivers Cuomo

[liliacult]

[plope]

the void sea

this was a lot funnier in my head

(based off a conversation from the iterator discord)

[capn-twitchery]

been thinking about grace's Arctic Incident again--i wonder if things would've ended up different if he hadn't drawn the short straw,,

i don't know how much of his guilt is just dedicated to the fact that he broke the rules,,,grace drew the short straw, he's not supposed to be alive, he feels terrible about it. cue nemesis on the dead guy's behalf to ""make up"" for the mistake grace made

but what if he didn't!! what if he won the draw & was the one who was "supposed" to live? obviously he'd still feel guilty, killing the other guy. but would he still feel like he took a chance away from him? would that guilt drive him to still do nemesis or would it just be a "damn that's just how it goes i guess, sucks!"

maybe he would go through the first steps,just find out some information, honour the other guy's memory somehow, but not be so ridden with guilt that he goes through ALL of the stuff he does.

but i mean that's all assuming grace would even be able to kill him without the panic adrenaline anyway. maybe the other guy would have killed him first too, maybe grace would've backed down and sacrificed himself instead. i'm genuinely not sure. either way it wouldn't result in the absolute insane downward guilt spiral he actually has

all this to say it is fucking hilarious that his spiral was basically kickstarted by failing a 50% luck check. neath's #1 fucking unluckiest man for real

[milfchellepfeiffer]

what's their beef

[phantom-alpha]

in the words of a certain meme: if i had a nickel for every time my favorite character in their respective series was associated with a storm, i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

decided to share one of the random things that live in my brain

[front-facing-pokemon]

[elisedonut]

Stacy's brother Au

but it's just a crack au where Ginny "loses" like 4 bfs in a row to her brothers just to realize she doesn't even like boys