#I don't know what to do or if it's acceptable to use the term

[softspiderling]

illicit affairs - part four | r.c

summary:

“All done?” You asked, stretching your hand a little to make sure the bandage wasn’t restricting anything.

“Yup,” Rafe replied, shutting the kit. “Or is there anything else?”

“I thought you were going to kiss it better,” you said teasingly.

OR; You reminisce about the day you realized you had fallen in love with your best friend

pairing: rafe cameron x reader

warnings: mention of blood (small cut!)

word count: 2,9k

author's note: a little later than usual, but i hope you don't mind! new precious + rafe lore unlocked. this part explores rafe's and precious' friendship more and is slightly angsty (what a 180 from the last part lmaoo). pls pls pls let me know what you thought. happy reading!!! <3

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pt. four: "you taught me a secret language"

Throughout your life, Rafe had always been your best friend. Granted, the title became longer the older you got: Rafe, your best friend in the whole world; Rafe your best friend who you had a crush on; Rafe your best friend who you were undoubtedly in love with; and now? Rafe, your best friend who you had sex with.

You sometimes wished you could turn back the time to before you were in love with Rafe.

Or rather, before you admitted you were in love with him.

Deep inside, you knew that there was never a before. You’d always been in love with Rafe. You just refused to admit it, even to yourself, until it pretty much stared you right in the face.

It was right around the time of your senior year at the academy, which admittedly, you didn’t like looking back at all that much since it was probably the most stressful times of your life, with all the exams, finals and college apps you were doing; it didn’t help that your parents were on your ass most of the times, despite you doing fairly well in school. However it all came to a boiling point around the end of the first term of your senior year. You had just come home from studying at the library with the boys - with Rafe just bumming around because he had graduated two years earlier - when your mother greeted you at the door with a letter in her hand, her face red.

“What’s this?”

You sighed internally, turning around to shut the door behind you slowly, using that time to exhale deeply. It had been a long day and the last thing you needed was your mother screaming at you as soon as you stepped over the threshold.

“I don’t know ma,” you replied, squinting your eyes at the letter. Your vision was a little blurry from all the studying you’ve done, but you recognized the crest of the academy on the left corner. “The invitation for the graduation ceremony?”

Your mother scoffed. “Try again. It’s a letter from the principal. You failed a math test.”

“What?”

You snatched the letter out of your mother’s hands scanning the content before sighing, dropping your hands.

“Mom, I didn’t fail the test, I got a 82.”

“That’s basically a fail,” you mother huffed, shaking her head. “How do you want to keep your 4.0 GPA up with grades like this?”

“It’s a test.”

“Stop with the attitude young lady, this is your future we’re talking about?”

“Mom, I know! But it’s just a test, it’s not like it’s gonna affect my grades that much.”

Your mother made a noise of disapproval, throwing her hands up in frustration. “Just a test? Everything counts, you know that! Especially in your senior year, where every single grade you get can decide between an acceptance or being waitlisted.”

“Oh my god,” you groaned, running your hand through your hair. “I can’t listen to this right now. I’ve been in the library the whole day and the second I get back you’re on my ass about a fucking 82.”

You shoved your backpack on the counter and turned right back around, opening the door forcefully. Your mother was right behind you, appalled at your tone.

“This conversation isn’t over! Where are you going?!”

“OUT!”

You slammed the door behind you, rushing to your car and tossing your backpack on the passenger seat as you drove off. Brimming with anger, you didn’t feel like talking to anyone right now, so you headed straight to the beach, to the one spot you knew you would be left alone.

In less than five minutes after parking, you had put on your bathing suit and unstrapped your surf board from the trunk and were in the water. After catching your first wave, you were still fuming. After the fourth, you started to feel the sun on your face, and the anger slowly seeping away. You lost yourself in the water, becoming one with the ocean, starting to get bold and one tiny misstep on your board made you lose your balance, falling into the wave you were trying to catch. The brute strength of it knocked you around underwater like a rag doll, arm getting caught on some reef, and you were gasping for air as you finally resurfaced, clinging onto your board. With a groan, you heaved yourself back on top of the board, trying to catch your breath as the water lapped around you in smal waves.

“Shit,” you muttered, lifting your wrist to inspect the cut on your wrist, squinting your eyes against the sun. You let out a hiss as the salt water dripped from your fingers onto the cut.

“You tryna kill yourself?”

You jumped, not having expected anyone out there with you. Shaking out your wrist, you lifted your head to see Rafe paddling towards you, a frown on his face.

“What are you doing here, Rafe?”

His hair was still dry, board shorts clinging to his legs when he came to a stop next to you, waves softly lapping against his board.

“I swung by your place. Wanted to see if you wanted to get pizza and instead I find your mom all pissed, said you stormed off,” he explained, “and since I didn’t run into on my way to your house, I figured you’d be out here.”

You let out a sigh, staring out at the sea, ignoring how Rafe was holding his hand out, undoubtedly to get a look at your wrist. With an eye roll, you stretched out your wrist in his direction, and he curled his fingers around it, pulling you closer. Your cheeks heated as your leg pressed against his, added with the feeling of his hot breath on your skin, you breathed out softly.

“Y’know this could’ve ended real badly, precious,” Rafe muttered, brushing his thumb over your skin, before he looked up at you, his eyebrows creased.

“I’m fine.”

“Clearly, you’re not,” Rafe scoffed. “What happened?”

“My mom got all over me because of a “failed math test””, you said, air-quoting. “I’m just sick of it. It’s not like I’ve slacking off or anything, I’m working my ass off and they’re never happy with whatever I do, because in their eyes, I always have room to grow.” You let out a frustrated sigh, glancing at Rafe when you noticed he was sporting a look on his face that told you he understood exactly what you meant.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Rafe chuckled, shaking his head. “Our parents should be doing better than setting expectations for their kids instead of loving them despite their achievements.”

You gave him a wry smile and he only let out a small huff, squeezing your wrist gently. “Are you all done or do you want to keep trying to drown yourself some more?”

Huffing out a laugh, you rolled your eyes at him.

“I’m done.”

The two of you paddled back to the beach, drying off and while Rafe helped you securing your board to your trunk, he glanced over at you, hair falling into his eyes.

“Let me get your cut cleaned off first before we leave. I have a first aid kit in my truck.”

“Kay.”

You took a seat at the edge of his trunk, while Rafe went to fetch the first aid kit from the glove compartment. The sun was starting to set, and with that, the temperature was sinking, your damp hair laying cold on your back. The car door shut, before Rafe turned around the corner of the truck, first aid kit in his hand and sweater slung around his shoulder.

“Put this on,” he said absentmindedly, dropping the sweater in your lap and the first aid kit in the trunk. Rolling your eyes, you slipped into the sweater and it was oddly comforting to be surrounded by his scent, but you didn’t let yourself dwell on that, because it was such a weird thing to think, right? Instead, you watched as Rafe rummaged through the first aid kit, picking out some bandages, gauze and a disinfectant spray.

“Roll up your sleeve.”

“Yes, nurse Cameron.”

Rafe gave you a look, but you only snickered as you rolled up the sleeve, before holding out your wrist to him. He muttered something under his breath as he cleaned your cut and dressed it, without much complaints from your side, even though the disinfectant stung a little. Rafe taped the end of the bandage snugly to your wrist, tossing the rest of the material back into the kit.

“All done?” You asked, stretching your hand a little to make sure the bandage wasn’t restricting anything.

“Yup,” Rafe replied, shutting the kit. “Or is there anything else?”

“I thought you were going to kiss it better,” you said teasingly. Rafe raised an eyebrow at you, before he reached for your hand, lifting it to his mouth to place a kiss on the bandage. You flushed, not expecting him to actually do it.

“You’re an idiot,” you said hotly, shoving him away but he only laughed, running his hand through his hair. The grin on his face was infectious, and you couldn’t help but laugh, rolling your eyes at him.

“There she is,” Rafe said, cupping your chin to lift it, forcing you to look into his eyes. Suddenly, your hands grew clammy and swallowed nervously as he smiled at you, blue eyes sparkling. For a split second, you thought he was gonna kiss you and for some reason, you weren’t opposed. Actually, you kind of really wished he’d kiss you.

Wait, what?

That was not a normal thing to want from your best friend. Suddenly, your heart started racing and you let out a deep breath, hoping it would calm yourself down.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just my mom,” you lied, wringing your hands in your lap. “I just stormed off. She’s gonna be super pissed and I’ll probably be grounded until I’m thirty.”

“Nah, come on. I bet she completely forgot about it already.”

You gave him a look and Rafe winced. “Okay, maybe not. But if we give her some time, we can hope for the best? Come on.”

He tugged you off of the trunk, closing up the front panel.

“Let’s go get some pizza. My treat.”

“I don’t know,” you whinged, “Maybe I should just go home. Get it over with.”

You weren’t sure if it was the best idea to spend more time with Rafe right now considering how weird you were feeling. Worst case, you’d do blurt something out and make things weird between the two of you, that was the last thing you needed. But Rafe wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close.

“Trust me, whether you go home now or in three hours won’t change anything. If anything, it’ll give you an even clearer head after having some food, huh?”

As if on cue, your stomach grumbled loudly and Rafe raised an eyebrow at you, the corners of his mouth twitching up.

“Fine,” you relented, rolling your eyes at him. “Gino’s?”

“Yup, meet you there.”

While Rafe got into his truck, you got into your jeep, rubbing your hand over your face, frustrated.

“Fuck,” you muttered with a small sigh. You couldn’t actually like Rafe more than a friend, right? That’d be crazy. You’d known each other for so long, had been friends for so long, there was no way. It was probably just a crush. There was no denying that Rafe was attractive, and it was normal to want to kiss attractive people, right?

I’m just emotional because of the fight with mom, you thought to yourself, rolling your shoulders, forcing yourself to calm down. I am not in love with Rafe. He’s my best friend. With a deep exhale, you put your key in the ignition, pulling out of the parking spot and driving towards Gino’s.

When you got there, Rafe was already entering the restaurant, the door swinging shut behind him. You turned your car off, and got out, grabbing a blanket from your backseat and opening the front panel of the trunk of Rafe’s truck, laying down the blanket. By the time you had made yourself yourself comfortable, Rafe returned with two pizza cartons, balancing two cans of soda on top. You reached for the cans, setting them down next to you so Rafe could settle down across from you, laying down the pizza cartons. Wordlessly, Rafe opened both of them, waiting for you to reach for a slice before he got one himself, biting into it.

Silence settled over you as you ate, with you handing Rafe his soda when he finished his slice, knowing he liked to wash his crust down with a drink, and him handing you a napkin. You and Rafe had never needed words to communicate before, understanding each other without having to say anything and as you sat there, glancing at Rafe as you chewed on your pizza, you came to the terrifying realization that you loved him

You were in love with him.

Suddenly, your mind was racing, coming up with 10 thousand different scenarios where you’d ruin your friendship because you had fallen in love with your best friend, as you started to think back to the past, realizing how obvious it was that you had feelings for him. Had it always been like this?

Lost in thought, you didn’t even notice that all that was left of the pizzas were crumbs, as Rafe shut the cartons, stacking them together. Drinking the rest of your soda, you crushed the can in your hand like it was your feelings, bringing the empty cans and cartons to the nearest trashcan as Rafe cleaned up the trunk. You let yourself stare at the back of his head for a while, inhaling deeply before you cleared your throat. He glanced back over his shoulder, attention on you.

“Thanks,” you said, trying not to be awkward as you fiddled with the sleeves of his sweater. Rafe gave you a look.

Despite the fact that you were sitting in silence as you ate, his presence had comforted, brought your nerves down and made your anger disappear the way no one really could. Rafe wrapped his arm around your shoulder and you leaned into him, head on his chest. You didn’t revel in his arms for too long, as the two of you separated as Rafe closed his trunk. He dusted his hands off before turning around, his attention wholly on you.

“Do you want me to come home with you? Create a buffer for your mom?”

“No,” you replied, crossing your arms. “It’s fine, don’t worry.”

Rafe eyed you sceptically for a second before he nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “A’ight then. Text me if you need anything, okay?”

You smiled at him, giving a quick nod before you got into your car, waving at him as you drove off, a pit in your stomach. The drive home didn’t take long, but the sun had already set as you pulled up on your estate. The house was illuminated in the headlights of your car, quickly returning to darkness as you turned your engine off. There were no lights on as you entered the house; you were hoping that it meant that your parents had gone out, and you’d avoid another confrontation with your mother.

Picking up your bookbag from the floor, you paused as you saw your mother sit in the living room, a book in her lap. The two of you looked at each other for a second, neither saying a word.

“Hey mom,” you greeted her, breaking the silence. Your mother took off her reading glasses, shutting the book.

“Where were you?”

“Surfing.”

Your mother slid the book on the table, setting the glasses on top. “Did you eat?”

“Yeah,” you replied, shifting on your feet. “I got some pizza with Rafe.”

She nodded slowly, easing into the cushions behind her. You waited, wondering if she was gonna apologize but your mother didn’t say anything; maybe she was waiting for you to apologize.

“… I’ll be upstairs.”

Your mother didn’t stop you as you retreated upstairs into your bedroom, shutting the door behind you. Setting the book bag on your desk, you laid down on your bed with a sigh, reaching for your phone.

Rafe [03/21/19: 7:44 pm]: everything good?

Precious [03/21/19: 7:49 pm]: as well as expected

Precious [03/21/19: 7:49 pm]: thanks for being there for me

Rafe [03/21/19: 7:51 pm]: always, precious

Ever since that day, you knew you loved Rafe, and sometimes, you indulged yourself and let yourself imagine what it would be like to be more than Rafe’s best friend. But as he was lying in the bed next to you, his chest slowly rising and falling while you were unable to sleep, you never would have expected that it would be like this.

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author's note: thoughts???👀

[duchezss]

I've taken a bit to try and assemble my thoughts of jwct, and frankly I still don't know how to feel. Not in a "oh that was bad" kinda way, but in a "that was life changing how can I move on" kinda way. So I'm gonna do what I do best and just ramble on here, you know me. Spoilers of course.

Overall thoughts:

Holy cow the animation!! Not to say jwcc was ugly, but you can instantly see the budget differences. The lighting was gorgeous and the sequences were great. It was just so clear how much love was poured into every scene, the thought behind every move was so clear.

The story was so engaging and good. I thought I was gonna get tired of the "picking everyone up" trope, but it worked so well. I think the difference is this show knew how to take it's time. Ben and Darius had a few episodes to themselves, then Sammy and Kenji were given time to express their grievances. Hell we didn't even get to Yaz till ep 6 and I loved that. The dinosaurs were great too, and the overall plot was just amazing. I loved how it all slowly enfolded and how it was clear they had only scratched the surface with what they found out.

The voice acting was great as always, but it did kinda make me emotional at first to hear how much Paul had grown up. Getting used to Kenji and Brooklynn's new VA's was kinda odd, especially for Kenji, but by the end I was mostly cool with them.

The characters (and trust I'm gonna talk about all of them individually in a sec) were just superb. Their overall maturity and growth was outstanding, especially seeing how their trauma really effected them all differently. All of their arcs before and throughout the season were simply breathtaking. I think this season might be the best in terms of balance, it handled it's action, humor, and emotional moments so well.

This kinda relates back to the animation, I can't explain it, but they all just felt so much more human this season. Everyone's body language was so fluid and lifelike. They would talk over each other and mumble, they would hunch and roll their eyes and all of this sounds normal, but it really stood out. I think it's safe to say the animators really popped off this season, the direction was so clear this is truly a masterpiece. Also I felt like all of them were so touchy and I loved that so much. Like yes hug, hold hands, grab shoulders, pat on the back, I LOVE.

Characters:

Darius, my god Darius. Of course I've always loved him, he's an amazing mc and he is just so lovable. That being said I generally couldn't get over how much I loved him this season. He blew me away in ways I couldn't have imagined. His grief is so understandable and the way he shifted his ideology on dinosaurs because of Brooklynn was just heartbreaking. The way his character was handled was amazing, and it was wonderful to see that the writers do know how to let the others shine while still showcasing that he is the mc. I was also so in love with how sassy and witty he was, like when did he become so funny? His vulnerable moments were just as good and I loved how they showed his anger and frustration as well. His arc about learning to accept his grief and his regret was so poignant and beautiful. It's clear he needs a shoulder to cry on and yet he still puts everyone first, god I didn't think I could love him this much. He was easily the best character this season, I feel like they FINALLY showcased how amazing he is, just 10/10 no notes they ate.

I was kinda shocked by how goofy Ben was, but man I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it. Still can't get over how tall he is, and while I hated his design at first, it's really grown on me now. I really don't get how a lot of people are saying he felt like a shell of himself, cause frankly this season just cemented him as one of my favorite characters ever. He was kind, caring, understanding, humorous, he cracked jokes and messed around, but also got emotional and real. Him being a conspiracy theorist and living out of a van just makes sense, and the way he's the opposite of his germaphobe self now is hilarious. It was also interesting to see him as the meditator since he was the only one that got along with everyone else. He tried to help Darius with Kenji, he tried to give advice to Yaz about Sammy. It was just so lovely to see him so content and yet still himself? His scenes with Bumpy were so sweet and sad I can't stand them. Also I'm kinda obsessed with the fact that he's so big yet sucks at fighting and defending himself...king. I loved his mini arc about almost regressing on his fear, and how he grew from that. Ben ily light of my life, still the goat I fear.

Sammy's whole story just felt so heartbreaking. When they found her on the farm all alone it hurt me so bad. The way her family was her whole world and now they aren't on speaking terms? I hope the writers explain a bit cause I just can't fathom why? And Yaz moved away and she was really all alone. The way she approached her grief and her whole life in denial, and how she refused to accept anything was so heartbreaking. It hurt even worse because despite all of that pain she was still her. She was headstrong, kind, and passionate, for people and for dinosaurs. I did love how they still showcased her flaws and weaknesses. She had a hard time treating Yaz differently, but she also just wanted someone to actually be there for her. It's so clear she's tired and wants to be the one taken care of for once. Sammy stories feels heart wrenching in perhaps a more subtle way than the others. I really loved the direction the writers took her in this season. They showcased so much good and left us wanted more and ugh someone just give her another hug please.

If there's one thing the writers can be consistent on is making me despise Kenji. He was annoying me at first because of how he was approaching things, but he really grew on me by the end. He was this season’s punching bag and it was so heartbreaking. Brooklynn died and he blamed Darius and it's like he couldn’t escape his anger. It's interesting to see how him and Darius secluded themselves in different ways, and the way he still calls their mom? Oh I'm gonna cry. Yes Kenji is mad and he has every right to be, but it's clear his anger is misplaced. The whole scene with his father was so sad for so many reasons. Yes Kenji didn't like his father, but he literally watched him die. His breakdown was so painful to watch. I like how we can see Kenji kinda mature again over the season. It's as if he's relearning that not everything is in his control, and he shouldn't dwell on that. Sometimes his VA sounded too uninterested or nonchalant, which is a shame because the thing about Kenji is he pretends not to care but it's really the opposite. I am intrigued to see where this show will take his journey.

We took a while to get to Yaz, but I'd say it was worth the wait. I liked how this series didn't shy away from talking about her ptsd, and it took it even a step further by exploring peoples ways of coping. It's also interesting to see how fear has driven Yaz and how that has effected her relationships with all of them, but particularly Sammy. She's trying so hard to do better, but healing isn't linear and building a glass house around yourself can only do so much. I really hope they'll let us see how all of this is effecting her next season, because for someone is deathly afraid of dinosaurs this season put her through the ringer. That being said, I think there's no denying the bravery she showed. No matter how terrified she was she was always there for her friends. When Sammy needed her she knew how to calm her down, when her friends needed her help she let her instincts drive her. She even learned to let herself enjoy the moment, adding humor to trying to make the best of things. I feel for Yaz and I want to see her find comfort in her friends again, because she also just needs a hug.

Character: five stage of grief

While writing this I stopped and realized that in a way all of them really represented the five stages of grief regarding Brooklynn and just their life in general. So I wanted to take an interlude to talk about that for a moment.

Denial: Sammy - It's clear that Sammy has been trying to deny anything and everything, if only to pretend all of her problems are nonexistent. She doesn't want to believe that her family won't talk to her, and that Yaz won't either, and that her friend is just gone. Denying makes it all of it easier and so she makes herself busy so she won't even have a second to think about it all because then maybe she'd have to accept it.

Anger: Kenji - He's blaming everyone, especially Darius for Brooklynn's death. He blames the Allosaurus and he blames his father and through it all his anger never dwindles. Eventually it's all too much and he lets his anger become sadness, but it's clear his frustration and aggravation are not exactly gone. He can forgive but still feel mad at his situation and I think that's ok.

Bargaining: Yaz - Her's almost borderlines on denial like Sammy, but I think it's a little different. Because unlike Sammy she thinks everything is ok. She's convinced herself that this dino free island is fool proof and if she hides away like this nothing bad could ever happen. Obviously she comes to find out this isn't true and she has to accept the fact that her reassuring herself can only do so much. She has to face her fears, and boy does she.

Depression: Darius - From the get go we knew Darius wasn't doing too good. He's locked himself away in his bunker, cut off everyone, and had just become obsessed with catching the Allosaurus. Loosing Brooklynn was hard on all of them, but it's clear he took it the worst. It also didn't help that Kenji blamed him so much, so he fell into this hole. It's not the typical signs of depression, but his behavior is so different than before. Old Darius would have never cut everyone off and reduced dinosaurs to simple killers.

Acceptance: Ben - He's perhaps the only one that can speak so plainly about Brooklynns death. He constantly reassures Darius that it wasn't his fault and he's the one that rallies all of them together. His acceptance of her death is what allows him to put the pieces together that someone is after them. Of course he still mourns her, but the difference is he wants to get her justice and make sure all of them are safe as well.

Relationships:

To get the elephant out of the room THANK GOD brookenji broke up. I know they have a lot of shooters but I have and will never support or understand them. They just didn't work and had like zero chemistry. I really hope they stay broken up please writers I can't take it anymore. That being said I was pleasantly surprised Kenji's whole character wasn't just about Brooklynn. Yes she was a big factor, but without her there it's like he could be his own character again. That was always my biggest gripe with s4-s5 brookenji. I couple should not be reduced to their partners, they need to be their own person too.

Yasammy you will always be famous. The two of them were absolutely wonderful this season. Their fight was so warranted and valid and I loved that both of them were right in some ways. It's never black and white and it's up to communication to resolve those issues. The two of them are just so in love, they are actual soulmates like I can't. No notes, I think their relationship is proof that you can balance a couple and the individual. Sammy has her problems, Yaz has her problems, and together they can be a mess, but that's what so wonderful about it. The scene with them after they got out of the van was generally so beautiful I LOVE THEM.

Darius "I was in love with Brooklynn" Bowman....I USED TO PRAY FOR TIME LIKE THESE?? When I tell you I screamed I mean it so bad, I almost fell out of my chair. I know a lot of people aren't a fan, and they think it reduces their friendship, but I disagree. I think Darius still would've been heartbroken, but this just adds a layer. I also love it cause it's just so messy, and I think that makes it feel more real. What do you do if you love your brothers ex? I have been a dinostar defender for years, and I think there's no deny how much they mean to each other. I know he said Brooklynn didn't replicate his feelings but until we see the scene I'm gonna deny that. I think she rejected him because she didn't want him to get hurt in her investigation, that or she doesn't want to hurt Kenji. Let me just say writers you have a chance to get this all back on track PLEASEEEEE do not mess it up I can't take the heartbreak again.

Ben and Darius' friendship was kinda the best thing ever and I wasn't expecting it at all? I know they've had a rocky relationship before but this was so playful and I loved it so much. The way they goofed around and got into trouble, the show couldn't handle them together all season I guess. I also love how tender it was. Ben was so patient with Darius and it was clear he only wanted the best for him. Darius was just as patient with Ben and he helped him through his little paranoia relapse. They were such a good time and a blast to watch like the amount of times the two of them had me busting out laughing was insane.

Sammy and Ben duo oh how I've missed you. Another one I really didn't expect but they were so lovely. I loved how much they messed around yet they also dropped everything to commit a few crimes. Ep five was full of them and I loved it so much. Also the way Sammy constantly defended Ben was so special to me, that girl knew how to throw a punch lmao. Nothing too crazy, but so welcome and sweet. Also the way Ben was terrorizing Sammy on the phone with Yaz, peak cinema.

MIGHT AS WELL KILL ME NOW KENJI AND DARIUS. WHY are they always fighting Kenji don't make me mad. I loved their relationship so much. The way Kenji was so angry at Darius and yet Darius held him so close while he had a breakdown? Might just kms. They friendship is so rocky and real and I love that. I also love how Kenji wasn't angry when Darius said he had feelings for Brooklynn. He just listened and the maturity they both have is insane. I'm terrified of Brooklynn coming back and causing a love triangle, but honestly I'd be fine if they all just stayed friends if that means these two end up alright. When the brothers brother >>>

Ben and Yaz bestfriendism back everyone cheered. The way they still call each other by their last names actually kinda tears me to pieces. I love how Ben offers advice to Yaz even if it's in his own silly way. They're both so gentle and yet so playful with each other I love. I love that Yaz just let's Ben go on his side quests like yeah he's got it. They didn't get that many scenes but I still love them so dearly anyways.

The return of the king, Sammy and Darius. I know they didn't get that much but they were always one of my fav limited screen time duos. The way they constantly comfort each other just pulls on the heartstrings. Like when they just hugged in the back of the van? And when Sammy raced to hug him again in the warehouse? Ohh I love them. And despite it all Darius trying his best to defend Sammy? Save me older sister-younger brother duo save me.

Kenji got very limited time with Sammy and Yaz and I can't wait to see more cause those just iconic duos, I also would love to see more of Darius and Yaz since they also didn't meet till the very end. I really hope S2 (I'm pretending like it's already confirmed) let's us see more of this, especially Kenji and Yaz please I've missed them so much.

Ohhhhh Ben and Kenji. Benji nation we're kinda so back, living off crumbs is better than living off nothing. Ok but in all seriousness their relationship is so sweet. Ben trying to make Kenji see reason in the beginning, then letting Kenji hold Bumpy's egg cause it was clear that's what he needed at the moment. Then Kenji helping Ben when he got hurt. It's clear they speak in actions, not words. I need more of them like actually I've missed my pookies so bad.

Lastly I wanna talk about Yaz, Sammy, and Ben with Brooklynn. Their flashbacks broke my heart, and it also showcased how different their love and grief for her was. THE FACT THAT WE FINALLY GOT B DUO AND IT'S AFTER SHE'S GONE...my heart shattered. I love how funny and chill they were, we were so robbed of this in jwcc I swear. It's also kinda sad because the implication that Ben introduced Brooklynn to dark jurassic which subsequently lead her down the path that got her "killed"...I'm done. Also the fact that they were so casual implies that Brooklynn would constantly visit him at college which is just so sweet? I can't stand them bye. Sammy casually having Brooklynns old jacket tells me Brooklynn used to come over a lot, perhaps more when they were younger. Also Sammy seemed shocked to go in that room so I might be reading into this too much, but I see it as maybe that was Brooklynns guest room at one point? I am also a firm believer that Sammy dyed her hair pink for Brooklynn. Like Ben, everything just felt so casual and therefore more heart aching. Sammy wants to pretend like she could open that door and Brooklynn would just be there, researching and chilling. I think Yaz's flashback with Brooklynn is the saddest. All these years later and Yaz still confides and trusts Brooklynn to help her through her struggles. It's hard to believe they used to fight so much. Brooklynn is so understanding and kind, and I also find it interesting that it appears that Brooklynn was the one that really kept up with all of them. She wanted to be there for them, and it makes her supposed death that much sadder.

Random things of note:

I have always been a Benjamin denier AND NOW THEY'RE JUST DROPPING THAT OUT OF NO WHERE?? I can't have anything fr. Whatever, I'm still on my Sammy is short for Samantha box sue me.

Bumpy being a mother is so silly goofy but I'm hear for it, just glad she's ok cause if they actually tried to kill her I would've had to intervene.

I really loved the way they let everyone show emotions this season. Like yes of course they showed emotions before, but this felt so much rawer and realer if that makes any sense. Literally all of them cried once throughout the season and I loved that. But not just that, they let them be frustrated, and angry, and happy, and everything in between. KEEP IT UP.

All of the dinosaurs looked amazing, but man the Allosaurus stole the show. Also I loved the white eye, it made us want to view the dinosaur as evil in a way, and I think that was good for putting us in Darius' shoes.

The flashback sequence with Darius and the Allosaurus was so wicked. The team knew how to kill a dramatic moment oh my lord. This is kinda related to the animation too but so many shots were so cinematic. LIKE LIGHTING AND BLOCKING IS BACK PEOPLE. Brooklynn's apartment was gorgeous, Sammy's ranch during the sunset was beautiful. The scene of the explosion behind the T. Rex was iconic. We're so back

I'm so in love with how this show handled grief and not only that, but grief in a group setting. I think this might one of the only pieces of media I've ever seen that really shows how messy found family can be, and that's ok. It's not supposed to perfect, it's only as good as they make it.

Kenji saying dad in Japanese after having that conversation with his father about not being able to speak it, and the implication that he might've learned that word to try and talk with his father? Someone kill me like actually.

Darius wearing yellow agai- [GUNSHOT]

I could go into the color theory with all of their outfits but I won't cause I'm trying to not go that insane (it's not going well)

Ben's fanny back going across his torso, Yaz's iconic bangs.

The fact that Sammy found the map implies that A. Brooklynn came over right before she died and after Darius' confession, and B. That despite everything she still wanted and needed to talk to him about something.

Microbangs lady was actually scary as hell. I really liked her though, she was menacing and interesting. And she clearly valued her relationship with the raptors, I hope we see more of her.

I'm kinda sus of Mateo but I think that's just the trauma of every adult always betraying them. Hope he was chill and we won't see him again pls.

Sammy being such a great fighter is so random but I love it so much?? Like yes let her kick ass in cowboy boots that's my girl.

Where is Darius' necklace? When did he stop wearing it? It is important to the plot or did the animators just find it unnecessary?

Closing thoughts:

Overall WHAT A SHOW!! I had kinda fallen out of love with this show because s4 and s5 were kinda eh. I've never stopped loving the characters though, so this show was like a dream come true. Finally an amazing story to support these amazing characters again.

The character relationships felt at an all time high and I'm so grateful. These characters literally feel like my family too it's kinda bad how much I'm attached. I just love how much they love each other.

The only thing that kinda confused me was the ending. Why did they have to get on the boat right then and there? Why did no one stop the boat before it left? I'm not sure but I'm very excited to find out.

And lastly surprise surprise Brooklynn is alive. Of course I'm happy to know, but I kinda don't like the circumstances. I thought she was gonna be kidnapped or something so there would be a valid reason why she wasn't reaching out. But she's free and is just choosing to hide from the crew, with a good reason I assume. I think this will make her reunion with them more bitter than sweet, but I did just say I love messy so I'm excited anyway.

Y'all my fault I know I have a habit of rambling and making essays but this is just too much fr. Whatever I LOVE TALKING ABOUT WHAT I LOVE LMAO.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

[vee-xxo]

Bakugou x non-binary AFAB reader hcs + scenario ! !

This is entirely self indulgent, but if you enjoy it please let me know.

Reader uses they/them.

Warnings: fluff, very light discussion of gender dysphoria, soft bakugou, hopefully not too ooc

First things first; Anyone saying that Bakugou would be bigoted in any sense of the word needs to start brainmaxxing cus what the hell babe

He straight up could not give a wet shite tbh 😭

Not as in he'd not accept your identity ofc, he knows you're serious abt this, so he obv takes u seriously as well

He's not super educated. Knows gay ppl exist, knows trans ppl exist. Just more extras standing in HIS shadow as the spotlight shines on HIM

I imagine him cussing someone out, them correcting him on their pronouns and him just repeating the insult with the right ones

"what the hell are your pronouns so I can insult you properly"

Ok let's rlly get into it now ok!

So, after some good thinking and research to rlly understand yourself, you decide to tell your boyfriend on a quiet evening in his dorm. He's sitting on his bed with his legs crossed, dogs out unashamedly. Meanwhile you're sitting across from him, playing nervously with the cuff of your sleeve and preparing yourself to tell him. "So?" He looks at you, his elbows resting on his knees and his back a bit rounded. You look at him again, and after a short breath, "I think I'm non-binary." it slips out.

He looks at you. You look back at him. For a second, you watch the gears turning in his mind. He's sure he's heard, or at least seen that term before. Something something gender, right? Gender... Transgender?? He looks at you again. Your heartbeat having picked up significantly now.

"So you're..." He squints, and you feel a cold sweat on your back. "You're not a girl?" Biting the inside of your bottom lip, you slowly nod. Again, he takes a moment to process this new information. "So... But, you're not a guy either. Right?"

A sliver of hope sparks in your chest. Again, you nod. He also nods, slowly, and very softly. "How uh... how'd you know?"

You look down, gulping although there's nothing really stuck in your throat. "I wasn't comfortable being a girl." Your voice is quiet, and the last part comes out as a mere whisper. "...It's hard to explain."

His expression seems focused, sharp but soft. He's a little lost, honestly. So, you continue explaining. "For a while I thought maybe I wanted to be a guy, or maybe I just liked appearing more masculine sometimes. But I don't fully feel pulled that way, I guess. But when I thought that maybe it's just a phase and I'm really just a girl, I'd feel upset. Because I don't want to be a girl. I don't feel that way. That's just not... Me."

His hand is placed on his chin, he is listening. Your mind searches for something, anything that could be a hint of discomfort or disgust, but he's just... Listening.

He places his hand down again. "So." Your eyes flicker to his hand movement, then back up to his face. "What do I call you then?"

Your breath halts for just about half a second. "Er, I guess uh, partner? Or significant other? That's what people do online I think." You don't think, you know. After all you've asked all of these same questions before, by almost obsessively typing them into your browser and reading through half the internet every other night.

"Eh, that's a bit long." He scrunches his nose for a short moment. His eyes are darted somewhere on the bed, not really focused on anything. Your chest feels strange. It was tight before, all knotted up. But now it's just... Weird. Overtaken by a strange, swirly sensation. "Wait." You say. "Doesn't it bother you?"

He looks at your eyes again. "What?"

"Well, you like girls don't you? But I'm not one." You move up your hands, gesturing to him. His almost underwhelming reaction not really helping your anxiety. "And like, referring to me differently, wouldn't that bother you?"

His brows scrunch together a bit. He sits up a bit more straight than before and says "What, ya think I can't switch up a couple words for you? I wouldn't be dating you if something simple as that could turn me away, you know." The tone of his voice feels a bit hard, a bit tough, but it always does that.

"Also, I don't like anyone 'cept you. Dun' matter if you're a girl or not."

You let go a breath you didn't know you were holding. The tension in your chest, shoulders and arms falls. He sees your relief and continues. "So, what do I call you now?" He asks again, looking directly at you.

"Oh, I haven't really decided if I want to change my name or not. But uh..." You look down at your fingers playing with your sleeve. "I think I want to be referred to as they them. Like, my pronouns I mean. Instead of she and her." It felt weird to request this, many people still didn't know anyone today who'd use only they them, safe for a few celebrities, who would often face controversy for that despite how silly it was.

"Alright." Katsuki straightened up again. "That's easy." He smirked at you, the rest of his face completely relaxed again.

"Huh?" You looked up at him. That was it?

Katsuki leaned back and turned his head as he reached for his phone on the bed's headboard. "So you're free on Saturday, right?" He opened his calendar app, that organised weirdo.

"Uh, yeah?" You were still confused on how quickly he switched topics after such a tense conversation, at least to you.

"Good. Then we're going to the mall. Shithair and Raccoonface wanted to go fall shopping. Figured you'd wanna join."

He was typing something on his phone, meanwhile you remained quiet. Once finished, he stared back at you, his eyebrows furrowed together again. "What?"

You shift a bit, changing your seating position. "Nothing! I just uhh... I didn't think we'd be over me being non-binary so quickly."

"I'm not dating you because of your gender." He says, very matter of factly, eyes still fixed on the small screen.

Huh.

"Huh!" You say.

"How much money do you have right now?" He suddenly asks.

"Oh uh, I'm not sure-"

"Forget it, I'll just pay. The others wanna go eat that McJunk with us again."

You lean your weight on your hand, resting on the mattress next to his leg, looking at his phone as he types something in the Bakusquad group chat.

"You don't have to do that, Katsuki." You say.

"I want to. You're my lover." He says the last part just a bit quieter, and you can't help but smile.

His lover.

[jules-hoard-of-stuff]

Back on here on my computer, where I can think a little clearer bc it's not on my phone all the time

I've been doing research into the word femboy because it's used positively some places and negatively other places. All kinds of different definitions have said that it can be used negatively... immediately followed up by "but some in the LGBTQ use the term to simply mean a feminine man, and use it as an identity, having turned the meaning from negative to positive."

So I'm. I'm confused

Is it bad, or isn't it? Can I use it, or can I not? It feels like the more I research, the less clear this issue gets. Slurs in general are a very muddy term, and some people use Queer, while others claim it as a slur. I even use queer and don't consider it as such.

So it's... What am I supposed to do if some people in the community appreciate the term, but others consider it bad?

[inexplicably-spookified]

diversity win! this witch is bi... lingual?

[ramenheim]

About prev reblogs: I have never seen TME used to complain about & demarcate cis men's behaviours.

Despite the term ostensibly lumping together *almost any gender configuration that isn't binarily trans woman*, the only times it's used recently is to complain about (trans) ppl that get lumped in with cis women (as intersex ppl trans or otherwise are *never* factored into this dichotomy anyways), including cis women themselves.

I have never once seen it used to delineate trans women from cis men, even as it gets used to delineate cis women's experiences from trans women's experiences. I have only seen /haphazard/ acknowledgement of non-binary experiences included in TMA, but only really as an afterthought or when it's framed as the precursor to 'fully realizing trans womanhood'. I've only seen intersex folks brought up if they elect to use the terms TME/TMA for themselves, with bizarro interrogations into 'how' they were raised/had their genitals 'corrected' only once they individually disagreed with the terminology or had a confounding opinion in a public discussion.

It is regularly used to delineate trans men from trans women; but its users almost uniformly deride any attempt by trans men to coin a term to describe their own unique combinatory transphobia that isn't TME; again despite TME literally just supposing to mean 'transmisogyny-exempt'.... so why would it be used to discuss trans men's *unique* experiences with hatred directed at the fact that they either "are/aren't (real) men" by anyone who wants them to suffer?

It's been *changed* into hastily recycled AGAB terminology bc of wider recognition of the flaws with /that/ but without the driving flaws of that **tool for analysis** ever being fully addressed; and therefore has gotten subsumed into the 'new euphemism' for the Innie vs Outie false dichotomy as its usage became more widespread.

I think it still is a useful discussion tool ONLY when it's viewed *as a tool* and not some inherent marker of identity. It is DEFINITELY just bigotry when used as a NOUN that has negative behaviours ascribed to it, esp in the context of complaining about trans men** as a whole homogenized group, instead of highlighting individual behaviours/belief systems for the harm they contribute to against TMA trans/nb ppl.

Young queers really need to stop swallowing the tradcath radfem juice of "Women Pure + Good & Men Bad + Evil" [**that tumblr feminism has always had a problem with] and acting like you aren't being a transphobic shitheel by adding the word Trans in front of it-- & This is ESPECIALLY a problem when non-trans "Allies" do this, as it sets up trans women for failure whenever they make a mistake/can be reframed as 'being a cause-traitor' since women are punished more harshly for any percieved failure of Righteousness, AND allows them further to enact their unbridled transphobia onto trans men (& enbys/genderqweirdos) and pass it off as 'being an ally to trans women'..... despite them just being extremely transphobic (+ misogynistic + homphobic + intersexist) & then hiding behind """"TMAs"""" as a negative PR meatshield.

TL;DR if you are using TME to mean (nc)AFAB in vent posts, just have the guts to fucking use that as the word & see how it reads then.

(**since transmasc & transfem do not imply either a 'starting' or 'finalized' gender state; they are personal adjectives in and of themselves. Please do not warp them into new innie vs outie binary divides).

[**see related: the raw ass treatment of 'AMAB enbys' on here and in similar online/irl "feminist" environments. (Which was one of the driving factors behind the original TMA/TME coinage & is where I still find useful inter-trans discussions utilizing it as a term; importantly I don't think the term should stop being used altogether!!)]

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

an approach of "everyone inherently deserving to have autonomous choices" as juxtaposed with, fundamentally opposed to even, "a select few entitled to limit others' ability to do so, making themselves more able to choose what happens to other people, enforced through power"

also the way "direct interpersonal exposure to an abusive party is sure like how other interactions in relation to power differentials / no principled approach that everything isn't a hierarchical competition actually, like taking up space, communicating; ft. double standards in favor of the winners" wherein it's like, it's not even just like "being in the haunted house of living with an abuser is like a Metaphor for existing amongst broader power disparities / w/selectively applied (by others) increased vulnerability / at the whims of w/e authority" like, more like a Model. it's the same principle and the same system and the same bullshit, just more confined / a smaller isolated unit of [nuclear household] or [romantic partnership] or w/e interpersonal specific social grouping. been training to recognize "wow just like [a reality of such experiences]" all my life actually

the difference of the possibilities of You Can Choose This versus limitations of arguing to the existing power structure to possibly acknowledge that you Have to [pursue certain option] b/c it's the only way, Objectively, so if only they can be shown this they would allow it....despite this situation not requiring "or you could've just been able to choose to do that freely in the first place" & by extension not requiring [threat to that power structure]

the pressure to [hey. don't unionize] like, the numbers always being against the few at the top, so it's required to have these iterations where other people can prop up this world of Gotta Have Power At Others' Expense by supporting people playing by the rules and keeping others in line; being someone who helps / supports the overall system of oppressive power structure and can enjoy wielding the granted power / being supported/insulated at others' expense / having a sense of entitled authority themselves. while people can be mad at those who are in the same boat / aren't actually wielding that structural power and scapegoat anyone like, well this is why we'll never get treated better by [group / individual in power], you're ruining it / responsible for those choices/actions of those in power....which doesn't challenge that empowered party's ability to choose those actions that are affecting everyone

versus support in the face of vulnerability to that, being what allows people to make choices for themselves / exist more freely. rejecting the idea of "well [person] fucked up so now i won't deign to reward / Not punish everyone after all" as being [person]'s fault; like "well if we all only acted perfectly Deservingly / in just the right way, those in power would have to go 'oh okay everyone can be treated as inherently deserving now :)'" is the answer, when even then, b/c of the power structure putting them In Charge anyways, at most, they simply Could do that and Could graciously rescind that power. and if they don't, oh well, you didn't all do it right after all, assign blame amongst yourselves to stay in continual competition and avoid recognizing that actual improvement requires a different approach where you have to support each other instead of criticizing / blaming / competiting and just hoping there's always someone else to get the brunt of the most negative attention / harmful treatment

thinking of queerness as an expanse of possibility and autonomous choices. versus the limitations of "patriarchal society atomized into nuclear family units" concept of sexuality & gender, Cishet Ideals. existing outside those ideals as being a matter of what people Can do. versus what they Have to do. arguing that the guiding light, the defining principle here should be recognition of people who Have to be gay, for example, as what doesn't really challenge the power structure that requires & reinforces homophobia. while "what if it doesn't matter if people are objectively proven & universally recognized as Having to be gay. what if people Can all choose to do some gay shit regardless, without these choices being limited by their vulnerability to harm, such that Everyone is pushed into [patriarchal nuclear family unit ideals] life." even if you argued everyone ever is straight, actually, the problem is in whether you can define what that means and enforce it on everyone. people who Are straight are harmed and made more vulnerable by patriarchy & the imposition of [your only source of social support is within the isolated nuclear family unit]; Cishet Ideals are also an impossible standard that can also be used to blame anyone, including people who could would consider themselves cishet, for their inevitable failure to live up to them as the reason that [isolation & domination sucks actually] is hurting them. like how cis people also never live up to supposed Cis Gender ideals and are subject to trying to better earn, & objectively prove, their quality as a member of their gender, thus worth, & be under constant scrutiny re: gender & able to be blamed for failing to live up to the ideals. while, of course, the fractalized iterations of power structures means cis people still get to be gender cops at the expense of anyone more vulnerable

language as an art & science, necessarily always evolving & in flux, rather than prescriptive & static. the way that Static Prescriptive approach may be marginally associated with "well this helps Coordinate; streamline; reduce confusion" but Uncertainty is also possibility. Allistic Social Ideals seeming to be about [minimize confusion, streamline, coordinate] in the best light, but also being affected by ableism, and this approach being used to Other people, as enemy &/or lower on the social hierarchy, to be diminished/harmed either way. this being able to be used against any individuals or groups that can thusly be [othered]; ableism also affects everyone: the logic that we don't think we should all support each other / respect autonomy, we're instead all subject to an eternal Meritous test to prove who has the Capacity to Deserve to have more power than some others. ableism also needing to be understood in juxtaposition with / the context of racism; vice versa. the "you Can't" in applied authoritative power being not just [i won't allow it] but [i won't allow it b/c you are literally incapable anyways]....in every power disparity, the empowered supposedly deserve it on a merit that grants them Superior Abilities. e.g. patriarchy requires ableism, women Cannot do the things that men get to do, in their bones & minds & souls they must be shopping; the same logics play out like they do in ableism, patriarchy is only bolstered by "oh well you're good at Other things that I'm not good at :)" which conveniently means in ways still exploited to support those who already have more power while you stay more disposable; acknowledgment of those who "overcome" being disabled, or a woman, to do the thing abled people or men can do, which just means All of you should try harder and then you'd all be equal to us, it's your own fault :) and/or simply taking ideas, recognition, credit from them. even "gotta colonize & subjugate the world, which is good actually b/c it's for jesus" is like, legitimately oh you're welcome for now having The Capacity to go to heaven: but also to justify violence & oppression based on who's Inherently more evil from this christian evangelist perspective, which happens to deserve death or exploitation (work & suffering good for your inner christianness. you're welcome)

white man's burden, how Easy women have it, can't believe 5 cents of my taxpayer money might've gone to a disabled person somewhere to barely live on b/c "see how even Institutionally Recognized As Legitimately(tm) 'Disabled' people are treated?" has to be a threat for all / not display what it could be like to actually support anyone's genuine wellbeing, including their having the support to have more expansive choices in their life, vs just barely hovering over the constant threat of dangerous increased vulnerability....

that those in power will very readily consider themselves Constantly Besieged, Wronged, Threatened By Any & Everyone; versus those actually negatively affected by being low enough on some hierarchy to be harmed & denied autonomy by others with more power being the ones who have to struggle to even stop blaming themselves or at least people who Aren't the ones with that power, who are more likely to cling to "well, it's my fault, and i Can earn my way out of this" narratives....which actually would be a situation in which one theoretically Does have more autonomy; thus more palatable than believing that anything's truly out of your hands / there isn't so simple a solution here / [other person; people] are/were never going to actually start affording you respect as a person

back to the expanse of possibility of language, subjective & in flux & developed by the mutual Effort to (more) successfully communicate....thinking about being autistic and someone talking about how the demands in Trying to be understood verbally means innovating and developing Language thusly. an art and a science. creative and experimentally backed. (also math/science as approaches are also creative / Not the antithesis of art, thanks). thinking of how sure nt (another socially constructed Ideal that doesn't exist to describe reality but to demand everyone just try to stop failing to have earned better / congrats on bringing it upon yourself, you're responsible for my feelings & actions) people might generally approach communication like "??? idk i don't have to regularly have a conscious approach, so i don't. i just Am Normal" versus when your communicative approach, for any various reasons, is Not considered normal, thus not considered ideal, so you Do have to interact with people consciously, Translate for their benefit as best you can. thinking of the idea of Poetry as a work understood to require a third space between two parties: it's not colloquial, the poet is using language in this noncolloquial context to communicate a concept, perchance create a link to an effect they can't invoke with a preexisting word for it, while the reader/listener is understood to likewise have an active role, be consciously trying to not just "correctly" receive the meaning, but explore the possibilities of various, even ongoing, interpretation, in conversation with the poet's efforts and the reality of them as being another person, and also perhaps allowing for the spontaneous mutual discovery of possible meaning for the third space / conversation between speaking and interpretating. (versus artist as authorititative vanguard, communicating something static & definitive that others can only Fail to interpret correctly, which is just like them. lol) like, what's not Poetic, in that sense, about two people bringing mutual conscious effort, flexible interpretation / room for possibility, interest in getting it right not to bolster ego but to have had a more successfully constructive interaction. which could even include the ability to interpret someone's lack of communication in expected ways; their choice not to engage thusly; as anything other than a threat or slight to your supposed entitlement to just that. like i deserve phonecalls over emails or speaking over nonspeaking or even the Guaranteed opportunity to communicate w/anyone when & how i want to, i'm simply being so good faith curious i swear........anyways, i'm not that into reading poems, absolutely not into making them, not in this "literal" sense anyways, but again what's not poetic about just trying to communicate via this Translation all the time. the way i can latch on to phrasings from prose written by people who also write poems, and/or just sure appreciate like the entirety of some essay of theirs, the approach, its execution. anger is a type of geography. when something is ignored, it can do what it likes, sometimes.

everyone always on twitter trying to outrun some [every other day's qrt trend of "what opinion has everyone hate you" tangled meme that is sure like "and apparently you're about to acquiesce" in context but also that everyone Loves to air, actually, hence it being in constant, inescapable distribution] (i don't see it b/c successful curation ig lol). everyone trying to feel like they're more worthy vanguard authoritative Radically Non Cishet than others constantly just going off of vibes, which is to say, probably just going like "but have we considered being more biphobic" or some more tried & true similar [this is the same old shit & the Cishet Ideals are supported by it] takes that are like, "any Unleashed Edgy Freethinking standup comedian man saying shit you'd hear in a mall food court from some rando's uncle" like, we have heard of this actually, but sure you're so brave for suggesting maybe the transgenders have gotten a bit too powerful, except you're saying it in a [but this is totally queer analysis] way....queer analysis Linguistics being like, undoubtedly the favorite [i am become flynn rider swords tangled twitter meme] avenue. this like language revanchism like "this word must be returned to this specific usage" but a) it's never returning it to a way that it actually existed and b) is the prescriptive ossification of our limited preexisting language to discuss queerness, guided by the idea that it'd be bad if it was Too Inclusive, actually the principle we want to operate on here. is indulging in the level of power trip feeling of like tormenting a peer in middle school really your most serious focus and genuine efforts in supporting people's ability to exist as they are

how did the "asexuals can't be queer" stint work out for everyone? the fact that all the arguments also backed every other form of bigotry and abusive logic aside: what were the results, exactly? stuart cishet was thwarted from nefariously entering a queer space & ruining it for all, b/c he no longer had the option to cross the drawbridge by saying he was asexual, right, that was a close one. anyone amused by being like "they hate to see a meboss winning" just limited to not even arguing about "uhh but you're As Good As straight" (a crucial, supportive tool in our history, right) but rather just like....deciding it's about asexuals being cringe or something, and who could easily move on not by actually operating on better principles than "cishet ideals of controlling people's sexuality is: Don't Have Sex, right? which is also the whole of what asexuality describes or entails?" or "what's gained by focusing on making this as exclusive as possible anyways. nonrhetorically. what do you gain or facilitate. what do you lose or preclude." but just like "haha well i've moved on anyways"

your choices re: your sexuality and gender as ones you Can make. with expansive possibility borne of the support as a person that you should get merely by virtue of existing. versus "but i Have to exist like this" as an appeal to the established power structure to perhaps elect to allow Some truly legitimate gays to suffer a little less effects of homophobia. who can in turn be like "ugh, bisexuals CAN seem straight to everyone. so they're ruining it for us truer more legitimately gay people." see: it's still homophobia's fault. see: your sameness is in Wanting something else, being able to Choose something else without fear of the violent enforcement of the demands & requirements of Cishet Ideals. someone who's never had sex / dating deemed Gay Enough isn't "as good as straight." see: it's not that everyone thinks you Can't do gay shit, it's that everyone Knows you can, and that's exactly the problem, violence is required to try to force otherwise, to limit the only option for any support in life to the happy nuclear family existence (for those who deserve even that, versus mere support to someone else's nuclear household). it's not a Problem when people center transness on what you want to do, that you are able to choose to do it, support, a better life than you would have otherwise. or even to say it should be so easy that, yes, someone can Just Say that they're trans. versus the idea that the only legitimate trans people are miserable, wish they were cis, and are going through processes legitimized & controlled by "but are you really trans. do you really deserve it" roadblocks & resistance & required cis approval, and their difficulties & unnecessary infliced pain & vulnerability in doing so? is really the fault of some theoretical teen who wants to say they aren't cis b/c they just feel like it. damn them.

queerness (see: logic of ableism in all these matters) being Suffering, what you're Limited to being by demands outside your control so please recognize this, what you Have to do (you just might be more cishet otherwise, like surely all the bisexuals or transgenders want to be. damn them), a difficult and exclusive experience that is the fault of those in the group themselves: does not challenge the [cishet ideals] including [enforcers of cishet ideals get to choose which gays to begrudgingly recognize, perhaps conditionally / temporarily, to prove to everyone else they might be Worthy too, if they tried harder to deserve it / scrutinized more people in their group for not playing by the rules and appeasing those in power enough]

while, of course, people can think they're the bravest smartest ones / the most suffering more than jesus hated ones for this. biphobia / transphobia being evergreen, while asserting that it's actually being cis gold star gays that's the most oppressed life. accepting the limits of [what Externalized Activities, like defined sexual interactions or gender presentation, are encoded into legal arguments for policing queer people] as indeed what should thus be the boundaries of defining existence outside cishet ideals, and what supports that. the hot trends over the years, i remember circa 2010 "the transes On Here are way out of line expecting way too much. they have to remember they're weird and it's sooo hard (and weird) for us." the blog i unfollowed for accepting a submission about "can't stand trans guys who hate to be misgendered but won't try to seem less feminine." the twitter i unfollowed for rt'ing a take about "can't stand bi ppl who hate to experience biphobia but won't try to seem less straight." the epic trend of "Really respecting trans people means talking over them to tell them they're now equivalent to cis people so stop talking about your experiences otherwise," i can't even trust that nobody ever Didn't take that to its logical conclusion of "straight trans people are as good as cishet." the asexuality exclusion bullshit. eternal "the most legitimate nonbinary people seem androgynous" points that would, in fact, require nonbinary to be defined by, and limit themselves according to, the gender binary & its ideals. trying to cut off the LG from the BT, as has always gone on, including just with the linguistic making shit up like evergreen Flynn Rider Edgy Meme argument about how everyone's trying to steal the word Lesbian from you to just be used Illegitimately, with bonus fallback on the fact of patriarchy. less common but i've sure also seen arguing about Gay being used too willynilly as well and arguing The Rules / pretending that there's never been an overlap with gay men, (cis or trans) women, bisexuals; apparently believing that it also would likewise be Better trying to narrow definitions into something more exclusive when all our language is to create possibilities out of what was logistically unspeakable before. when we've Perfectly Stratified all the vocab and are just standing around, what's the next step that's now more possible because of those efforts? having the LG doesn't enforce the gender binary, unless you're trying to recreate your own version of it, as people in fact always are. "um it's simple. people who are the Truest members get to decide who else are the Gay Women and Gay Men." who gets to draw these lines for everyone else, and why do they get to do it. what would be achieved by embracing Purity concretely, eternally affixed in place; versus fuzziness & expecting flux & future possibilities, where even seeming contradictions just mean there's even more here than you thought. do you Want to be queer and Get to make those choices, or not. what if You are the only True Gay in the world, everyone else is cishet and just pretending and saying they're also gay? you'd still only gain everything by that being possible. if you were the only Real Person and can't know anyone else's interiority is only an illusion: you can only lose everything by acting like you're the only real person. that's how some people already operate as individuals vs everyone else, or a member of the Truest People group vs those beneath them who are ruining paradise. you operate on those principles of being entitled to dehumanize others, you have the power to exploit that

[you can't define Woman in a way that doesn't exclude some women / include things/people that decidedly aren't women] applies for us too b/c The Gender Binary Isn't Real. it's also of course used to serve patriarchy, ableism, racism, all of it. like how we can understand / analyze Everything as political. white supremacy everywhere, all the time. ableism in all of it. every interaction or behavior existing in a medium of Power Relations. how do you define woman. why would your definition get to be imposed on anyone else. would you demand there be a "take the racist ableist misogynist gender binary, but give it a lil Gay spin" situation. is being a woman in required physical traits. in required presentation. required experiences. what's served by being mad at "i'm not a woman but i'm in community with them b/c i have [xyz] traits; [abc] presentation; &/or [qrs] experiences" and using language applied to a group considered Women b/c language tends to assume a strictly defined, Real gender binary. what's served by going "hmm, that's a problem. make this More strictly defined and binary" in response instead of focusing on the connections there and solidarity through [this is all iterations / fractalized areas of the same shit, who has the power to exploit & compound others' vulnerability] [power control abuse]. are you a woman b/c that's how you want to identify? b/c [reasons you don't have to explain, b/c on principle your choices for yourself are respected, no one has the authority to thwart this]? are you a lesbian likewise b/c of your wants & choices? great. the idea our language has ever actually supported clear lines even between gender, a binary that requires Cishet Ideals & all that that demands....? inaccurate, aligned w/bigotry, nonconstructive, unserious.

the twitter i follow of a group who supports incarcerated lgtbq+ people, and how the other year they voted to include cishet ppl w/hiv or aids. the goofs & gags like "queering our marriage b/c i have more flexibility" like yknow, i agree with the least measures that increase support / choices for any women as in fact legitimately contributing to The Queer Agenda more than people trying to make the terms masc & femme into [thee gender binary. but gayer] remix, or complaining about fellow queers who are totally ruining it for everyone else, The Establishment totally would've graciously & benevolently deigned to allow our autonomy (with a "but you're on thin ice" and ability to revoke that at any time, but whatever) until This jerk who's totally as good as cishet Made them choose otherwise for the 9000 zillionth time!!! well i'm going to go laugh at language people are developing to better describe their experiences, realities, wants, & values, b/c i'm obviously more Normal & Deserving than those weirdos. and to keep stuart cishet at bay, this is a huge threat actually so you're welcome that i focus on going "but COULD a cishet person just PRETEND to identify thus" like, yes. yes, they always could. what of it, if everyone could?

tl;dr idk things like "accepting the limitations that you might possibly only be Allowed anything if you can prove you Haaaave to / prove that nobody could possibly miserably force themself through otherwise (you can't)." "accepting the limitations of: wielded authority would always be benevolent & supportive, or even not wielded at all, if not for those among you ruining it for everyone else." that of course it's like "being queer is supposedly miserable so who would choose it? but also we have to prevent people from even having the choice" b/c they Know people would & do make those choices, and you have to enforce [marriage & patriarchy & nuclear family] life even w/cishet people, the power disparity requires constant maintaining & deflection of scrutiny / responsibility focused back on those in power. what would happen if every straight person in the world could just say they're gay. or every cis person could just say they're nonbinary now. great. say tomorrow they miraculously all do: great. the cishet ideals gender binary aren't Real. it's supposed to be so conflated with reality & unquestionable that the term "cishet" isn't supposed to exist; "stop Forcing Labels on me. hypocritical much" / "i don't know what a cisgender is but i know it shouldn't be allowed around children" style. what would happen if everyone could "claim" to be queer. epic. if everyone said they're nonbinary & now the gender binary doesn't exist. hell yes.

"everyone can just say some shit" is always true, you can always question their intentions / meaning, but when you can't prove the interiority of another person, making things Contingent on that only serves to make it impossible: like someone having to prove they're Meritously Good Enough as a person, inherently, and what's withheld / prevented by those in power b/c of it, rather than what we think everyone inherently deserves As a person, and what's provided / made possible by other people as peers b/c of it. what do people Actually Do. what do they Get to do. actions manifest externally, and affect others outside of the self. how have the possibilities & autonomy in our lives, anyone's lives at all, been supported / improved by unserious stances focused on arguing relative authority by people going "watch this. the haters" and getting up on the cross or in the middle of the swords with some linguistic arguing that doesn't think about what supports anyone or challenges existing norms & ideals or reflects reality rather than going "this is my idea of the vibe and some people agree or could be convinced." we've existed before modern terms that classify groups, and we'll have more, different terms to describe experiences and ideas going forward, which is: good. the divisions are already Not Real, how interested are you exactly in your language being like "but i think we could just have different divisions. a different Gender Binary. cishet people Have to be cishet? i'm sure that's real & fine, so: we Have to be Not cishet"

anyways april being autism acceptance month And national poetry month (u.s.)

[shebrakesforrainbows]

tags

[getvalentined]

An open letter to @staff

I already submitted this to Support under "Feedback," but I'm sharing it here too as I don't expect it to get a response, and I feel like putting in out in public may be more effective than sending it off into the void.

The recent post on the Staff blog about changing tumblr to an algorithmic feed features a large amount of misinformation that I feel staff needs to address, openly and honestly, with information on where this data was sourced at the very least.

Claim 1: Algorithms help small creators.

This is false, as algorithms are designed to push content that gets engagement in order to get it more engagement, thereby assuring that the popular remain popular and the small remain small except in instances of extreme luck.

This can already be seen on the tumblr radar, which is a combination of staff picks (usually the same half-dozen fandoms or niche special interests like Lego photography) which already have a ton of engagement, or posts that are getting enough engagement to hit the radar organically. Tumblr has an algorithm that runs like every other socmed algorithm on the planet, and it will decimate the reach of small creators just like every other platform before it.

Claim 2: Only a small portion of users utilize the chronological feed.

You can find a poll by user @darkwood-sleddog here that at the time of writing this, sits at over 40 THOUSAND responses showing that over 96 percent of them use the chronological feed*. Claiming otherwise isn't just a misstatement, it's a lie. You are lying to your core userbase and expecting them to accept it as fact. It's not just unethical, it's insulting to people who have been supporting your platform for over a decade.

Claim 3: Tumblr is not easy to use.

This is also 100% false and you ABSOLUTELY know it. Tumblr is EXTREMELY easy to use, the issue is that the documentation, the explanations of features, and often even the stability of the service is subpar. All of this would be very easy for staff to fix, if they would invest in the creation of walkthroughs and clear explanations of how various site features work, as well as finally fixing the search function. Your inability to explain how your service works should not result in completely ignoring the needs and wants of your core long-term userbase. The fact that you're more willing to invest in the very systems that have made every other form of social media so horrifically toxic than in trying to make it easier for people to use the service AS IT WORKS NOW and fixing the parts that don't work as well speaks volumes toward what tumblr staff actually cares about.

You will not get a paycheck if your platform becomes defunct, and the thing that makes it special right now is that it is the ONLY large-scale socmed platform on THE ENTIRE INTERNET with a true chronological feed and no aggressive algorithmic content serving. The recent post from staff indicates that you are going to kill that, and are insisting that it's what we want. It is not. I'd hazard to guess that most of the dev team knows it isn't what we want, but I assume the money people don't care. The user base isn't relevant, just how much money they can bring in.

The CEO stated he wanted this to remain as sort of the last bastion of the Old Internet, and yet here we are, watching you declare you intend to burn it to the ground.

You can do so much better than this.

Response to the Update

Under the cut for readability, because everything said above still applies.

I already said this in a reblog on the post itself, but I'm adding it to this one for easy access: people read it that way because that's what you said.

Staff considers the main feed as it exists to be "outdated," to the point that you literally used that word to describe it, and the main goals expressed in this announcement is to figure out what makes "high-quality content" and serve that to users moving forward.

People read it that way because that is what you said.

*The final results of the poll, after 24 hours:

136,635 votes breaks down thusly:

An algorithm based feed where I get "the best of tumblr." @ 1.3% (roughly 1,776 votes)

Chronological feed that only features blogs I follow. @ 95.2% (roughly 130,077 votes)

This doesn't affect me personally. @ 3.5% (roughly 4,782 votes)

[catcatb0y]

I'm procrastinating fuck

[wheelie-sick]

I don't really care if someone uses the term "autism awareness" instead of "autism acceptance" and I honestly think both are important

a lot of people, including myself in the past, say that people are now aware of autism and we just need acceptance but I disagree.

me and my mom were having a conversation a while back and she was talking about the fact that people know the word "autism" but don't know what autism actually looks like. when my mom was raising me people were very aware that autism existed but would constantly chastise her about how she was being a bad parent when my autism was visible. multiple people suggested that my "behavior problems" could be solved with a belt.

those people knew about autism but they didn't see my autism. my autism was visible but they saw it as "behavior problems" and "defiance" and "disruption" not autism. they didn't know what autism actually entails.

being any level of visibly autistic will put you in this situation even today. people might be aware of autism but not aware enough of autism to know that the way I'm acting is just autism.

we do need autism awareness. people need to know what autism actually looks like. people need to know more than just the word.

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

It's me. I'm the cis, heterosexual, aromantic man. I will never marry, I will never be married, I will grow into middle age and elder age and I will die unmarried. I will be forced to support a household of myself on only my wages alone for the rest of my life. I will be asked about women and marriage and children by my family for the rest of my life (or men, the progressive ones might say). I may not ever come out to them. I feel like I burned my coming out on something stupid. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to run them through the definitions and intricacies. I don't want the acceptance without understanding, placating me with ceased questions and poor explanations to other, drunk adults.

I like my hair to be long, I spent a year with it dyed a golden blonde with dark roots because I like the trashy party girl aesthetic. I want to dye it again with pink tips. I like painting my nails, black and blue are my favorite colors. I like wearing chokers. I also like wearing baggy jeans and ratty hoodies. I like having stubble. I like having chest hair. I like having a square jaw and broad shoulders. I wish I had a flatter stomach and a thinner profile frame. I don't know what this makes me, perhaps this is something no more GNC than Machine Gun Kelly. I think about this a lot, how queer my appearance truly is. I should think about it less. I have thought long and hard about if I could be trans or if I could be non-binary or if I could be genderqueer and the conclusion I ultimately came to is that I most enjoy being a man open to whatever self-expression I want.

I don't date, but I've thought about it. I would like to meet people, and I would like to have sex with them. But I don't want to hurt them. I fear if I explain what I am beforehand it'll scare them away. I fear if I explain after they'll feel manipulated or abused. I don't know how many people in the dating scene want what I want. I fear my own lack of experience will make me a bad lay, an embarrassing story to tell to confidants in hindsight. I fear my own virginity, a boundary to those I wish to be like. All of these fears are baseless, as I've not been able to even begin a single relationship in my life. Despite this I still heavily identify with terms like "slut" and "manwhore" and "thot" because my interests lay so deeply within casual sex, sex without great intimacy or emotion. This may be some form of stolen valor. I hope the true sluts are not too mad at me.

I made this blog several years ago because a mutual of mine reblogged memes making fun of aro and ace people, making fun of the concept of aphobia, and in addition well known aphobes. I didn't feel comfortable talking about aro stuff on my main blog, for as little as I talk about it. Living through the ace discourse of the 2016 era has largely caused me to cringe in embarrassment any time I am forced to discuss my orientation with people who aren't aro or ace themselves. I no longer follow this person. I unfollowed many people I was mutuals with from that time, most of them because they posted too often about how much they hated men and I didn't want to see that, some because our interests simply drifted too far apart, only one for explicit aphobia reasons. (Also one because they became a "both sides are bad, any vote is wasted" libertarian, but that's unrelated.)

I guess at this point I don't care deeply about what strangers on the internet think of me. If a trusted friend told me that they don't think I'm truly queer that may hurt. But I am going to continue to use the word for myself. I take up no resources. I go to events that are open to me. If an event was not open to me, I think I'd not want to go anyways. I am not a hypothetical, I am not a strawman, I am a person with lived experiences both within and exterior to the queer community. If you hate me, I will permit you to continue to do so. But ultimately, I am who I am, I cannot change these facts, and I would not choose to do so even if I could.

[milkykotek]

success story: celebrity crush turned boyfriend

First off, I'm aware people may not believe me. However, that's completely fine! I simply don't care, because it happened, and I wanted to share. I will not be sharing explicit details due to privacy reasons for both me and my boyfriend, especially since he is a popular actor.

It took me a few weeks because I didn't want to jump into dating immediately. However, you can immediately manifest anything and quantum jump! I chose to do it step by step.

"Dp" is a term used in the LOA (Law of Affirmation, Assumption and/or Attraction) community to describe your desired person. It can be anyone. 3D is the 3d dimension, the world you see in front of you. 4D is your thoughts and the reality where everything you want is accomplished.

It happened, but... what did?

I manifested my celebrity crush! I've been interested in him for some time now (due to personal reasons me and my now ex boyfriend – whom I manifested, too – have broken up). It was quite a wild ride, to be completely honest, and as always, I turned out successful!

There seems to be a blockage many face while manifesting celebrities, or otherwise famous/popular people. They're putting them on a pedestal, and so shifting the focus from actually manifesting to idolizing them. Of course, if you're manifesting a celebrity sp, you're most likely a fan of them already – that's not the point.

You're god, you're on top of the universe, you're the most important person there is. I don't care, and neither should you, about your circumstances. They're nothing but that – a circumstance in the 3D. As we all know, the 3D reflects our beliefs, assumptions, and the things we attract by engaging them. We engage them by giving them attention and reacting. An example can be someone giving you a dirty look – "Oh my god, they hate me!," you could think, and that is your assumption. You're not sure if they were even looking at you, because they could've been looking behind you, or simply have a resting b*tch face. And so, you thinking they frowned at you is an assumption. It's quite easy to create one.

And it's also easy to change that! The LOA (Law of Attraction, Assumption and/or Affirmation) community likes to overcomplicate manifesting by claiming it is hard to change your beliefs. It really is not. Every time you encounter a negative thought (thoughts create assumptions, assumptions show up in the 3D), simply change it. It's as easy as it seems. "I feel so sad", you can change that by saying, "I'm so happy and relaxed". Don't accept things you don't want to experience. Something happened that upset you? No, it didn't. Instead of dwelling on it, ignore it or affirm "It never happened", create a new story, "(something else) happened".

how did you manifest a celebrity dp?

You manifest a celebrity just like you manifest anyone else. They're human, and I don't believe in free will – anything I don't want, I change. It may sound weird, but is there even such thing as normal when it comes to manifesting and all the possibilities the universe offers?

The only thing you must do is take them off the pedestal and regain your power and control. It's not about them – it's about you. They're the obsessed one, they're the one manifesting you, you're on their mind.

If you're searching for a recipe, there is none. However, I can share a few ingredients – things that helped me:

— affirming. Affirming is nothing more than repeating what you want to happen, ex. "My dp loves me."

— persisting. You really don't want to give up until you see results. Of course, it doesn't mean you have to manifest 24/7, but then again, we think all the time, and so we manifest all the time, too.

— living in the end. Living in the end is living as if you already had your desire. How would you feel? How would you act, what would you do? Surely you wouldn't be stressing over results and whatever it is you're manifesting, because you'd already have it. Belief isn't necessary as long as you affirm and persist, but it sure does help.

— having someone to talk to. Having someone you can talk to about your manifestation journey and being supported was really important to me. I want to thank my best friends Star and Aurora, for always supporting and believing in me ❤️. Others would've called me delusional but you guys stood by my side.

proof:

Just breathe. For this part, I wanted to share some affirmations I used.

"Everything I want is mine. Everything I want, I get. I want it, I've got it. I'm a master manifestor. I always manifest whatever I desire and want."

"My dp (insert their name) loves me. My dp wants me. My dp is obsessed with me. My dp constantly texts me. My dp is texting me right now. My dp misses me. I am constantly on my dp's mind. My dp is constantly thinking about me. My dp is my boyfriend (or girlfriend, partner, anything you desire). I am my dp's best friend and soulmate."

Good luck ❤️. 222

[evilminji]

You know what would be both Cool(tm) AND Pants Shittingly Terrifying? Eldritch Space Whale Danny!

Except NOT! Because he's not a whale! Just snoozing and Giganto-Fuck-Off HUGE!

Imagine it! Danny. Joint Custody Child of The Ancients Of Time And Space. Space is SALTY AF because their BITCH OF AN EX has used his FUCKING POWERS, AGAIN, to CHEAT. Clockwork how DARE YOU.

You knew he'd be our Son in advance!

YOU SNUCK IN AND STARTING BONDING WITH OUR CHILD BEHIND MY BACK!

YOU [REDACTED]!

Danny? Sitting off to the Side as a Sentient Everything and Nothing made of galaxies and starlight, howls expletives at their Ex, who is being... REALLY snippy back? WOW, Clockwork. I mean, JESUS, man. Danny's from "oh bless their heart" Nowhere, Midwest. And even HE thinks that last one was both backhanded and cold af.

......he should take notes. *continues to eat his popcorn*

Anyway! APPARENTLY, Space Parent has taken him in the divorce. With much huffing. Tucked under their arm Like The Football(tm). And honestly? This is kinda hilarious, so he's cool with it. Byyyyyy~ Clock Dad! See you on weekends~☆!

*Exasperated Time Noises*

It's pretty cool! He learns a lot. Learns he's probably? Gonna be SOME variation of Space Ghost. Might even take over Space's... well, EVERYTHING, should the unforeseeable occur. So obviously, gonna have to learn The Family Business, as it were!

Which?

UNSPEAKABLY HYPED, YES PLEASE.

SPACE AND STAR STUFF! HECK YEAH!

Unfortunately? Still a Halfa. Bleh, squishy need to eat and sleep. Why they get in the way of Hyperfixation? Why no more space dust? Nooooo, don't drag him away from the controls! He can still learn! Sleep is for quitters! Cowards! *whining in Give Me Back My Blorbos, You Monsters*

But, no. He apparently has to "take care of his body" and "not burn out". Eat "real food". A protein bar counts! He probably ate one of those! Give him back his STARS! He doesn't CARE if he sounds like a toddler! That's DIRECT ACCESS TO THE SECRETS OF SPACE ITSELF! He'll BITE, so HELP HIM-! *Is scruffed like a cranky infant being carried off to beddy bye*

Injustice! D:<

But, none the less, body's require sleep. He shovles down his food, washes up, and flops down in his bed. In the nice lil cozy "Safe For My Half Apprentice Who Is Also My Adopted Son" corner. He passes out in that corner. Starts to float, as he has done countless times before, when agitated before bed. Floats OUT of that corner.

That Safe Little Corner.

IN THE CENTER, THE BEATING HEART OF SPACE.

You know... the place ALL OF SPACE connects too. Where Universe Form and Die. The Grand Recycler. Dust to Dust, from the ashes of old, to the creation of new. Where PORTALS are randomly assigned. So that the Omniversal Ectoplasmic Levels may always be balanced at near to perfect levels, allowing free flow of Souls through the various Reincarnation cycles.

Space, of course, doesn't MANAGE the Ectoplasm itself. Nor the Souls! Different Ancient for THAT, but they DO manage the PORTALS. We live in a SYSTEM after all. Everyone has their "departments" as it were. So really, it's quiet... Danny? Honey? Awful quiet back there! You, uh, fallen asleep, Starlight?

*empty room*

(O.O)

*inhale* AAAAAAAAAAA-!!!!!!!

Meanwhile! He be Snoozin'! And Ghostin'! Ghost Snoozin'! Is extra comfy, cause he weightless and got not booooones~☆!

But! He? Is not a child anymore! Has learned to... for lack of a better term, Let Go. To finally ACCEPT his Death. His inhumanity. His Amortality. Death no longer holds him, can no longer let him go. He is... not immortal. He is disowned, by his own doing and his own choice, at his timeless moment of Ending.

When Life let go of his hand and Death kindly offered theirs, he did not take it.

And that's okay.

It took awhile. Talking to older ghosts. Most vague and vast, near formless. Because it's... it's scary. And it's all you know. All, really, you've EVER known. Inherent to your identity, even after you leave that part you behind.

You are "human". "Martian" or "Xy'xeruian", something else, and you never question it. Even when you've left behind everything ELSE. Your name, your eyes, your history and skin. Yet you fly around and pretend. Still alive, still human.

But is that YOU?

Or just the form you found your start in?

And like? It's okay if it IS! Sometimes, yeah, you ARE. You look down deep and find a "don't know what you were expecting, buddy" sign stapled to a mirror. But more often? It's that last hurdle. The final step in Letting Go.

Everyone mourns at their own pace.

And they are the ghosts of who they were.

It helped. Mourning for the kid he was. Who was fourteen and wanted to be an astronaut. Who died and will never have a grave. The longer he exsists, for he can't technically be called Alive, the more painfully young that child seems.

It was okay.

To cry for Danny Fenton.

Then? To let him go. Let his memory, be memory. And his Past be the grave that child rests in. Loved dearly and remembered, but no longer binding his soul.

He doesn't have to wear that face anymore.

No tributes to the Dead.

He got? Kinda... BIG. Like REALLY big. Spiraling, serpentine, cracking ice, and burning galaxies. Like a fourth dimensional dragon, of ice and stars, somehow forcing its way into a three dimensional space. Atop it all, between two vast, impossible horns? Made of glacial ice coating the warping hearts of black holes, who's shape themselves seem to shift in unknowable ways? There burns, like comet trails, with super novas, compressed to decorative gems beneath glittering morning frost, a Terrible Crown.

He? Thinks? He MIGHT have wings.

He can't tell.

Because APPARENTLY he's a fuckin tesseract! Oh, no, sorry. He might me a Zone DAMNED PENTERACT!!! Is THIS what he gets for hanging out with Clockwork all the time? He just liked the quiet! Now his "true form" is PHYSICALLY PAINFUL for most people to look at!

Clock Dad WHAT THE HELL?!

(You see, now, why Space broke up with him? An ASSHOLE)

So! Danny stays, usually at least, in his "Hi, yes, I am Normal Human Man" Ghost form. But NOW? Now it PINCHS. Because it's TOO SMALL. But hey, that's fine! It's not like he has an ingrained habit of transforming when super tired and stressed! To float sleep for Maximum Restfulness(tm).

Ha ha!

Why does that feel like foreshadowing?

BECAUSE IT IS!

Danny? Snoozing! Space? Has LOST THE BABY! Portals? Have done a Jood Gob in Portalling, something they are vaguely sure they are supposed to be doing! Yay them! They have no brain cells but still enjoy helping! They moved a thing! That's helpful right? Yay! Probably!

And on DC's planet Earth?

They? Just choked on their fuckin coffee. One moment? La dee daa~ oooh~ look! Stars! Deep space! Oh, hiiii~ Watchtower! The NEXT? *every alarm in the building starts LOSING ITS SHIT* Giant World OBLITERATING SHAPE completely takes up the screen.

From near PLUTO.

There are NO WORDS TO DISCRIBE HOW FUCK OFF BIG THIS THING IS, MR. PRESIDENT. It will eat our nukes and LAUGH. Call! EVERYBODY!!!

Obviously? Superman. I mean really, OF COURSE Superman. Frankly, all the Supers. Because we would like to KEEP having a planet, thanks. Only? The more reports that come in? The more everyone is getting "oh fuck. This is a Workd Eater" vibes.

A massive, massive, Sleeping Titan of a Planet Destroying World Eater.

That MIGHT BE MAGIC.

*highly stressed Everyone noises*

And WORSE? Superman? Can't TOUCH it! Oh sure, at FIRST he could! But then he apparently pushed too hard in just one spot! And it felt POKED AT. So now, after flicking superman HALFWAY BACK TO EARTH to make him stop? No one can physically touch it!

But! There is hope!

Because? The creature is GREEN. Bright, luminous, Lantern Green! And Earth's Lanterns have already sent for back up. Combined? The were able to move a... hand? Paw? Something. But! With the combine forces of several nearby sectors of Lanterns? They promise the power to either relocate the creature or at least hold it in orbit until FURTHER forces can be deployed!

They refuse to harm the creature until it proves actively hostile, as it could have been seeking a place to nap and chosen one inconvenient to established planetary life. Frankly? Earth doesn't CARE where you relocate the giant Eldritch Space Dragon. Just NOT IN OUR BACKYARD, PLEASE.

....YES WE ARE SURE! We don't CARE if the scientific community of our planet is begging you to set up an area for them to place an "observation satellite"! No giant Eldritch Space Dragons in our solar system! It might WAKE UP!

Naturally, about half way THROUGH this Highly Delicate Operation?

Danny Wakes Up.

@hypewinter @hdgnj @lolottes @babbling-babull @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter @mutable-manifestation

[cinnamonest]

I'm not looking to start shit so I'm not linking it or anything, but you may have seen a recent anti-dark-content post circulating with a lot of notes making rounds in the x reader sphere and while I have nothing against people posting their feelings in their own private spaces, every time I see these kinds of posts there's a lot of misinformation that gets regurgitated in the reblogs/replies and I saw what looked like a battlezone in the replies, so.

I know posts like that can be very jarring and affects people like my readers, so to combat misinformation/shaming for anyone who saw it, I'm going to share some of my information on combatting fandom puritanism/misogyny/kinkshaming in its most common forms.

The most important fact, if you read nothing else, is this:

Most women have rape fantasies.

62% to be exact. I think the most pervasive myth on this content is that consumers are "weird" for it, when the numbers don't indicate that. You're in the majority!

The vast majority of people who have rape fantasies do not put them into practice in real life. A variety of factors can determine whether or not they do, particularly specific psychiatric disorders. (X)

To specifically address common harmful and pervasive myths:

the "go to therapy!" line

Generally any academic or professional resource will immediately tell you that consuming and engaging in "dark" fantasies is accepted and encouraged by mainstream psychiatry and part of the professional education for psychiatrists. (This also used to be pretty well-known until like the last 5 years or so, not sure why that changed.)

Here are some particularly insightful resources:

1) This article by Dr. David Wahl, in my opinion, hands-down does the best job of simply and thoroughly explaining why these fantasies occur and why couples practice CNC, as well as the fact that they are both harmless, psychologically beneficial to those with them, and not at all correlated to real-life rape.

2) Dr. Claudia Six has some of the best and most thorough material out there on the subject, specifically explaining why this is taught in mainstream academia psychology and how it is incredibly helpful to rape victims (X).

3) Lisa Diamond is a professional who focuses on this subject a lot, and was featured in the documentary "The Dilemma of Desire," in which she specifically focuses on how these fantasies are not correlated to real-life desires. (X)

4) Dr. Casey Lyle has specifically talked a lot on his socials about how fantasies, even in men/the perspective of the offender, do not correlate to actual risk of offending.

5) This article is not by a professional, but from the perspective of a survivor discussing how it is beneficial to survivors.

the "why would you want that?" line

The idea that fictional tastes = what you want to happen to you in real life is actually of misogynistic origin. I don't want to seek out or add links on this one, but if you're really curious, you can research about how the idea that "women read rape fiction, that means they secretly want rape!" was originally a classic "red pill"/MGTOW/4chan talking point that made its way into mainstream dialogue and thus the public mind in the last 15 years or so due to the incel epidemic popularizing those communities.

the "it's only valid for survivors then!" line

On one hand, yes it's very important to acknowledge that trauma victims use it to cope, however I feel that over-emphasizing that gives the impression that non-victims should be excluded from consumption of dark content, so to clarify, it's a very valid means for all women. Many women who have not personally experienced rape still fantasize about it, and that's fine.

The full explanation as to why this is true for many of them would be lengthy (and addressed in the aforementioned Dilemma of Desire documentary), but in the simplest terms, nonconsensual sex is the only context in which patriarchal society permits women to have sex at all without feeling guilt. For many women, particularly those in more heavily misogynistic or religious cultures, these fantasies are appealing because the idea of consensual sex may give them feelings of shame, guilt, "sin," etc. These fantasies allow them to experience the feeling of being desired without guilt of participation.

No society on earth is free of the psychological grip that cultural misogyny has on women, and shaming women for adapting to the conditions they are forced to exist under is as harmful as the misogyny that causes it itself.

ALL women experience a form of psychological trauma inherent to female childhood and female adolescence in a patriarchal world, and that is just as valid as coping with individual traumatic events.

Good resources on the subject of why women have these fantasies and how they are helpful in general:

(X) (X)

The "what you consume will make you do it in real life!" myth

Although the resources above already address this, it's important to establish why this myth is so prevalent and what its origins are.

The idea that consuming media with dark themes leads to or indicates desires to replicate those acts is a residual element of two major events:

1) Puritan revival culture, popularized in the US and UK in the 90s and 2000s (also known as "Satanic Panic"). A major facet of this movement was TV megachurch preachers making money off of exploiting well-meaning but paranoid parents into believing that your child playing Dungeons and Dragons or Pokemon would make them future serial killers and lure them into satanic cults. (X)

2) at the tail end of this, it was cemented in the public mind as a cultural ripple aftershock of the Columbine shooting, where this sentiment became popularized as the general public blamed violent video games like Doom and "dark" music like Marilyn Manson (whose life was temporarily completely upended by the events and took him years to recover/be safe from) for the 1999 shooting. This event had MASSIVE permanent and global effects in all sorts of ways that the public often underestimates the sheer scope of, notably that it solidified, prolonged, and, in the minds of many, "proved" the paranoias of the preexisting Satanic Panic. (X) This established a precedent, leading to virtually any major horrible event being blamed on the perpetrator's media consumption, including murder and sex crimes.

What this myth ignores in the cases it references (the slenderman stabbings, columbine, sasebo slashing, batman shooting, etc) is two crucial facts: that hundreds of millions of people consume the same media with no negative effects (helpful effects even), and that in every single case cited as "evidence" to the claim, the perpetrator had a preexisting psychiatric condition correlated to acts of violence (which usually went ignored, downplayed and even accelerated/worsened by those around them rather than the help they needed).

Sorry for the wall of text, but I feel an ethical obligation to combat this kind of misinformation, and I hope these resources are helpful for those who may be negatively affected by common misunderstandings.

You are not abnormal or wrong for the fictional content you consume or the fantasies you have!

[dughole]

radiohead’s complicity in israeli-occupied palestine

my feelings on radiohead are complicated these days, as i’m sure they are for many. i'm using this post as a method of sorting out my own thoughts & to provide sources.

for me, the bottom line is this: radiohead is both a brand & a musical group. the brand of radiohead has always had deep roots in the israeli colonial project - they have played many, many shows there throughout their career. their breakout single - creep, was intially only a hit in israel (x, x) & the personal choices of some of radiohead's members remain just as involved. jonny greenwood met his future wife - the israeli artist, antivaxxer & vehement zionist (x) sharona katan - at a show radiohead played in israel in 1993 (x). jonny consistently collaborated with zionist musician shye ben tzur & his projects continue to tour in tel aviv as recently as last september. as for jonny himself - his only statement in regards to the war on gaza has been in mourning for the israeli concert goers on october 10th - w no such empathy spared to the 100,000 palestinians dead, injured, or missing. as for thom, while he’s thrown a few bitchfits (x) through the years abt criticism of radiohead’s shows in israel, he has imo - only paid lipservice to the criticism, saying “playing in a country isn’t the same as endorsing its government” going against the pleas of his peers & coworkers in the music industry. as well as the pro-palestine activism undertaken by his long term friend micheal stipe (x & x). (note: stipe stood by radiohead’s performance in israel in 2017, but his current political choices suggest his understanding of the situation has evolved). even his own son - noah yorke, a fellow working musician, has voiced his opposition to the genocide in gaza via instagram stories. as for the other members, rhythm guitarist ed o'brien has called for a ceasefire, as well as making a few tweets about "solidarity with palestinians & israeli peacemakers". while bassist colin greenwood reportedly refused to accept letters of dialogue from the fan-run organization radiohead fans for palestine. drummer phillip selway's commentary is similarly brief but defensive, saying radiohead's 2017 tel aviv concert "felt right"

to me, this paints a picture of a band who's members stances on israel range from abhorrent to simply not enough. & as a brand, their particular combination of action & inaction amounts to a fundamentally zionist perspective. you cannot separate radiohead as artists from radiohead as a brand name.

i've loved radiohead since i was 14. i was brought into it by another longtime fan. i cried & danced when i saw them live back in 2017 - it was, & remains, a moment that allowed me to live through the hardest parts of my life. i felt for the longest time, that radiohead's music & political positions encouraged my empathy - my questioning of conservative political authority. & while all celebrities are failures in some sense - it is still heartbreaking to know how wrong i was.

i don't think it's possible to disconnect the decade of connection & love i have for their music - I won't ask that of myself or anyone else. & the idea of scrubbing one's taste of the "morally impure" is useless effort & an inappropriate simplification of both art & our conceptions of what makes someone "bad". but i can say with certainty - i will not be giving them any more of my money, whether that be streaming their music or buying their merch - & i encourage you to do the same. silence is complicity - this is beyond silence.

in the words of nina simone - "an artist's duty, as far as i'm concerned, is to reflect the times. how can you be an artist and not reflect the times? that to me is the definition of an artist."