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levmada · 5 months

Note

PLEASE write about Levi’s mental state, i’m begging you

He’s faced death and precarious situations since he was born, yet he’s still standing strong and hopeful, WHAT THE HELL I LOVE MY SHORT KING

IT'S FINALLY HERE😭im sorry anon i hope you're around to see this and if u are i hope i dont disappoint

the tone in this analysis is so weird because i kept getting caught between 'this is an apa paper no contractions, academic language, double spacing -' and 'this is a tumblr post about a fictional blorbo wtf r u on'

i also use some scientific language i try my best to explain but if this turns anyone off i don't blame them because im unhealthily obsessed

*i'm a third-year undergraduate psychology student w/ a concentration in psychopathology

tw/cw: discussion of childhood exposure to sex (not assault)

Foreword

I’ve been putting this off for a while (I’m forgetful and this topic is intimidating what can I say), but being a year out from graduating with my bachelor’s to become a mental health professional, and being a Levi scholar(/hj), I wanted to give this a shot.

I wanted to dissect and examine Levi Ackerman’s mental health “currently” (as in general canon), and explain as thoroughly but as simply as possible how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

Seeing how AOT is pretty renowned for leaving out the ‘insignificant’ details, especially character details, a good majority of my assertions and even details of his life are built off of correlations and “signs and symptoms”; meaning some things could be an aspect of Levi’s personality, or a symptom of psychopathology.

I will examine his childhood (especially his childhood), adolescence, young adulthood, and “present” adulthood, with a short summary at the end of where he might be mentally after the war.

*Lastly, I don’t like it when things I say about a series or character are taken as fact or make it implied that someone else’s thoughts are “wrong”. This is partly built on headcanons anyway, which are influenced by my own experiences. Don’t take away from this that this is me telling you what to think.*

Childhood

The most important period of development occurs in infancy and childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is when a child learns where to find security, love, and basic skills, gaining stability as they develop.

Well, Kuchel died when Levi was 4.

Maternal Love / Learning Empathy / Anxious Attachment Style

Levi was born into deep poverty within a violent unwelcoming environment. Basic physical needs must have been very hard to meet (i.e., consistently fed enough, a clean environment, no physical threats). And where Levi was born is like the dictionary definition of a bad environment for a small child, excluding only his mother’s care and love.

As it’s generally understood in canon (and suggested from Levi’s special backstory manga so far) she was a caring parental figure early in Levi’s life that loved him unconditionally. We can conclude that Kuchel did everything within her power to compensate for both parenting Levi alone and shielding him the best she could from his horrible surroundings, teaching the kindness, goodness, and love that Levi would internalize and go on to strive for for his entire life.

As far as we know, no other children lived in the brothel. Socialization is just as important for a young child as receiving love. With this isolation, it’s extremely difficult to learn how to connect to other people, or pick up on social cues. Levi would’ve never learned how to interact properly with his peers—aside from use of aggression and violence which Kenny would go on to instill in him.

With the danger/anxiety imposed by strangers, mostly if not entirely men, he would turn to his mother for comfort all. The. Time.

And she would give him that support and affection of course. This early motherly affection is integral to child development: a child who receives empathy and affection is subliminally taught how to feel and express empathy towards others.

While Levi’s surroundings were dangerous, lonely, and chaotic—traumatizing enough for a toddler or young child—Kuchel provided a safety net from that, so I think that Levi developed an anxious attachment as a child: exhibiting clinginess, excessive fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for security and/or reassurance.

Paternal Trauma / Potential Androphobia

Born and living in a brothel, we can assume that Levi was probably seen as a burden and a mistake by others, especially by men (both the likely majority of her customers and her boss).

AOT ch69; Before the Fall, ch34

This is likely in contrast to the women (those living and working in the brothel like Kuchel). They should know Kuchel if not as friends, then acquaintances who could empathize for her and her son.

There’s an obvious trend here. If Levi is going to feel fear/danger/anxiety because of men, he should have a general aversion to men and-or the behavior of men who he encountered as a child. This is impossible to know for sure or in meaningful detail, but it seemed to be resolved by the time he became an adult if so.

Although Kenny in his words was no more than Levi's teacher, Levi did see him as a father figure.

The subject of Kenny will be expanded on later, but it's clear Kenny in no way resembled a father, who also would go on to abandon Levi (at the age of 11 or so). Children without father figures tend to struggle more emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Specifically, (especially boys) tend to exhibit intimidating/aggressive personas to compensate for resentment, fear, and unhappiness.

Sexual Trauma (Tangent, Probably)

This is unconfirmed but a likely trauma Levi went through: exposure to sex as a child. There’s no way to confirm what he experienced, so I’ll function on ‘probably’s’ and ‘most likely’s’.

Because Levi and Kuchel only lived in one room, other rooms in the brothel should have belonged to other women, and he was at the oldest four, I wager that he was babysat by women who Kuchel knew and/or was made to hide somewhere while she worked, such as in a cabinet.

(for reference)

AOT ch69

The odds are high that he was exposed to the aftermath of sexual violence (i.e., marks seen on his mother), and the sound or smells that have to do with it. That young, he wouldn’t know what it was, but he should have realized later as an adolescent.

In general, children regardless of gender exposed to sexual content usually experience early puberty (which is just as likely for impoverished children, or children who experience chronic high-stress in general); issues with intimacy; become desensitized to high-risk behavior; negative/inaccurate expectations about sex and relationships in the future; influence inappropriate behavior with other children or adults; sex addiction.

This is especially relevant to Levi’s fear of closeness/intimacy in the future. Exposure to sexual situations—possibly not including CSA in his case—very early in life inflicts on a child emotions and stress they don’t have the intellect or reasoning to process or understand. An extreme aversion to interpersonal relationships, especially physical ones, results.

This stress Levi must have felt, being powerless to this happening to his mother, is a different beast. Children aren’t capable of handling high levels of stress, and so the brain will automatically create coping mechanisms: dissociation (a severe form of “zoning out”; observing the self “from the third person”; numbness; the feeling of living in a dream), excessive daydreaming/overactive imagination, symptoms of PTSD (nightmares and terrors; flashbacks; spontaneous activation of fight-flight-freeze associated with anxiety; excessive worrying/fear; loneliness/self isolation). PTSD will also be prevalent in Levi’s later life, which I’ll delve into later.

Inappropriate behavior and sex addiction are also highlights for me because they shouldn’t exist in him based on Levi's personality and behavior throughout the series. In my opinion, Levi ought to associate sex with pain, shame, and violence; he does see it as an ordinary job—a means to an end. He should be desensitized to sex as a concept, but associates it personally with shame, sadness, and pain, possibly feeling disgust towards it. So it is highly likely that Levi in every stage of life following this experienced sexual repulsion (usually associated with high anxiety towards sex), a low libido, or a lack of sexual desire entirely.

From a trauma perspective, he could avoid sexual topics of conversation, sexual settings (i.e., brothels), or an array of things which are sexually suggestive or he as a child possibly associated with sex (i.e., cleavage, panties, specific touch). Similarly, he might avoid direct reminders or have a post-traumatic reaction to them, such as anxiety or flashbacks (i.e., the sound of a bed creaking, the sight of wet clothes).

Importantly, it can be concluded that sexual violence was often exhibited, and the idea would be ingrained in him that sex, like everything else besides his relationship with his mother, is “give-and-take”, “victim-and-attacker”, and learn to be repulsed by intimacy. This impacts his willingness for later friendships and relationships as we’ll see later.

Early Abandonment & Early Exposure to Death

As Kuchel’s health deteriorated, Levi’s sense of security would break down. Availability of shelter, food, and emotional support would be even less secure than before. He might have been providing for Kuchel for some time, even, as it can be gathered that he received little to no help from those around him while she was sick. To whatever length he had to take responsibility and both fear for Kuchel, this would cement a sense of responsibility and guilt in him from the age of just four years old.

He will fail to save her—regardless of the fact that that’s not his responsibility in the first place; a child wouldn’t understand that—and then lose her with nothing he could do to even cushion the blow.

How powerless he must’ve felt. How hopeless. How likely is it that Levi found comfort in joining her? A child his age wouldn’t be able to comprehend death, basing our understanding on Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. To summarize, at the age of six or seven, children aren’t capable of complex, abstract thought like death or the finality of it. But Levi had to learn early.

AOT ch69

This will be center in his “clean-freak” tendencies later.

Adolescence

Most of this section is going to be rather vague again, but we already got the bulk of that over with in childhood!

Emotional Train Wreck / Lack of Identity

It’s hard to notice if you’re not paying attention, but in every scene we’re shown with Levi after his mother dies but before Kenny leaves, he’s wearing some variation of his mother’s one dress styled into a shirt. He loves her endlessly, even or especially in death. And part of cherishing her memory, to him, should’ve been taking after her as much as he could.

That’s how to explain why he didn’t become a cruel person (Kenny for instance) as he grew into a teenager, even though much of Levi’s outlook and behaviors come from him (ch57).

The more pertinent question is how extreme violence, reinforcement of the idea that that violence is power, and Kenny’s total (or most likely total) lack of communicated emotional connection affected him.

Levi would still desperately want that connection deep down, especially with his mother gone. This is a major reason why Levi sought to get stronger to please Kenny. For chronically abandoned people, that continues into adulthood and even beyond. A hole inside which can't be filled.

AOT ch69

Chronic loneliness—like I explained before—basically explains his aloof nature and awkward disposition. It’s not that Levi feels as detached as he looks, but he doesn’t know how to express himself or open up. He wouldn’t learn how to process his emotions, let alone talk about them. He’s basically emotionally stunted and immature in impersonal relationships (between friends and especially in regards to intimacy).

The Underground’s environment also makes him socially awkward, rude, of course stoic/not very expressive, and blunt. Levi was forced to become extremely observant of people to suss out their intentions, remaining vigilant of his surroundings at all times.

Levi doesn’t even get affection in any sense anymore. He doesn’t get a hug or a pat on the back, and he certainly doesn’t get a shoulder to cry on.

If anything, Kenny would punish him for showing weakness. Vulnerability is weakness; weakness is death.

What results is a continuous and boundless sense of emptiness inside that can’t be filled. He’s plagued by a chronic sense of unbelonging and loneliness. There’s no time or opportunity to develop “normally” as an adolescent. Socialization is limited at best; thinking of his place in the world is irrelevant when his one and only most pressing goal is survival; he doesn’t get to explore hobbies or interests.

OCD Propensity

One “interest” Levi is passionate about is cleaning, at least. Disease is what caused his mother to die. The easiest cause to point to would be their disgusting surroundings (although, Kuchel was infected by a customer). It is canon that Levi’s love of cleaning comes from "his personal experiences". In that interview, Levi first specifically references the important of fighting disease.

In other words, his "clean freak" nature comes, primarily, from the death of his mother: Filth -> disease -> death, and abandonment by extension.

His mother would’ve encouraged him to keep their room clean. There were times he or she had to have come down with something and dirtiness was the cause. On top of Kenny’s enforcement to keep up “clean” appearances to garner respect from everyone else in the Underground.

This in particular is extremely relevant to his mental health. When someone feels out of control of what is happening to them, especially in a recurring way, and especially as a child who doesn't yet know how to feel stable in an unstable environment, they look for something to control. It can be weight, bodily functions (blinking, breathing, etc), dominance over others, or cleaning, for instance.

Fear of disease, the urgent need to have control, and the basic need for stability makes it obvious that Levi would become obsessed with cleaning. And moreover, developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I’ll go deeper into this diagnosis later.

Lack of Self Worth

Despite the acknowledgment throughout canon that he trusts in his own strength, it wasn’t always that way.

Canonically, Levi sought praise from Kenny by showing his strength because that was the only thing he received praise for. The conclusion Levi came to once Kenny left him was that he wasn’t strong enough (wasn’t good enough) to warrant staying with him.

In conjunction, Levi’s first conclusion was that he did something wrong, not that Kenny possibly had some obligation that forced him to leave the Underground, pointing again to his own lack of self-worth.

This scenario created a complex in him, the very root cause of Levi’s pain, the very foundation of what Levi would go on to prioritize in adulthood. If he isn’t useful to those he wants not to abandon him, he’s worthless. He’s only useful when he shows his strength. Every other aspect of him like his interests is either irrelevant or bland by default in his eyes.

He would go on to make it his mission to try his best to be good enough in order to save and protect the lives of others, but foremost those he cares about.

Young Adulthood

Our first exposure to Levi as an adult is in A Choice with No Regrets, his OVA/backstory.

(By the way, I’ll be basing this analysis off a mix of the manga and the OVA.)

Emotional Immaturity/Affective Dysregulation

Generally, Levi’s defining negative character trait as a young adult is his emotional immaturity/anti-social behavior. Yes he’s grumpy and rude which is always indicative of him, but he’s very quick to anger, too. He cursed at the Squad Leader who offended him (by assuming that because he, Isabel, and Farlan are from the Underground, they’d be dirty), and argued furiously with Farlan that he would kill Erwin—not because it was required for the job, but because he disrespected him—for a few examples.

ACWNR ch2

He tended to be arrogant, too. Such as when he ultimately called a Scout who had experience with the Titans stupid for telling Levi to hold his swords in a certain way. He spoke to every officer the same as he would anyone on the street, having a remarkable lack of basic respect for authority. He was insistent on distancing himself from the entire setting and structure of the Scouts as much as possible, both to not get attached, and he found their mission childish/foolish.

He’s rather selfish. There is nothing Levi cares about genuinely more than Isabel’s and Farlan’s lives and the job that will set them up with a good future. Farlan’s advice is the only one’s he takes and the only judgment outside himself that he considers, such as when Farlan asks him to not cause trouble with authority to keep a low profile, but even then he acts stubborn. Levi trusts nobody wholeheartedly except himself (until later in ACWNR).

There’s a cognitive dissonance in him. Growing up, and still as a young adult, Levi’s headspace is marked by fear and uncertainty, with his power as his source of confidence. The first time he kills a Titan (with Isabel and Farlan), he uses too much gas because he refuses to potentially risk his friends’ lives; when the expedition is upcoming, he abruptly tells Farlan and Isabel to find a reason to stay back, and that he’ll complete the dangerous part of the job on his own.

Levi is full of repressed fear and uncertainty. He hides and/or buries all of it for the sake of self-preservation both emotionally and physically.

Antisocial Personality…?

It’s extremely interesting how a character as selfless, heroic, and empathetic as Levi exhibits antisocial symptoms. I’d even argue that if his childhood was spent entirely without his mother figure, then he might be a dictionary definition of ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

People with this disorder live day-to-day under the constant assumption that whoever is around them is “out to get them”/searching for a weakness to exploit. Humanity is made up of only prey and predators; morals are completely subjective, perpetuated by the society that surrounds them. This constant need to defend oneself, the effect of the exact trauma the potential sociopath experienced, combined with a muted emotional spectrum, results in a complete disregard of everything, including people outside of themself. They might believe they’re entitled to comfort or admiration, but overall, they’re intensely self-serving, often aggressive, and ruthless.

Because Levi for instance learned to rely on violence both for “love” and survival, then he might fall on violence to manipulate a person or situation into serving himself. I see reason to believe that Levi could have grown into worse than Kenny’s image if it weren’t for his mother’s influence.

However, the greatest cause for deniability is Levi’s wide emotional spectrum (especially including empathy and shame), while a lack of shame is the most significant marker of ASPD . (It is arguably one of many testaments to his strength that a victim of so much suffering, violence, and cruelty could become a man as empathetic as him.)

However, these tendencies may still be relevant: A sense of arrogance—both to the way Levi thinks of some who he perceives as weak and live without good morals—lacking issue with using deceit or violence to attain a goal, and living outside the rule of authority.

I go into more detail about this idea here.

Conclusion

As is true in general, there’s very little to say of mental development once someone has reached their early–mid-twenties. What we know of Levi’s young adulthood does reinforce his fear of abandonment, but he finds a cause where his strength and compassion can be “put to good use” and give to him a life that is worth living.

Conclusion: the ‘Present’/Diagnoses Overview

C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Levi’s emotional dysregulation (i.e., inability to sit with and process negative emotions), his difficulties in relationships, insomnia, negative worldview, absent sense of self, and finally, his persistent sense of unworthiness/worthlessness are all indicative of C-PTSD. It’s distinct from PTSD in that he didn’t endure one short-term traumatizing event, but he grew up surrounded by trauma and saw it as normal (e.g., gang violence, extreme poverty, death of a parent, (more presumably) physically and emotionally abusive parental figure). Levi as a child developed no understanding of a nurturing, secure environment.

Negative/Absent Sense of Self

I’ve talked about this at length already, but it’s worth noting how Levi’s perception of himself must have changed when it was revealed that he is extremely strong physically not from his own efforts as much, but because he’s an Ackerman.

His self-confidence and self-worth have always been built on the foundation of his strength. He’s useful if he’s strong, so he’s worthy if he’s strong. Along with the extreme high pressure his goal to kill Zeke put on him in season four, he might have gone to extreme measures to compensate for his strength he might have felt was “unearned” (such as excessive exercise for example). This is an aside, but it was a blow to him for sure.

Emotional Dysregulation

The causes of emotional dysregulation generally which he experienced are as follows: early childhood trauma, feelings ignored, judged, or invalidated at a young age, and physical and emotional child neglect. Beyond his first four years of life with his mother, Levi experienced all these things (early exposure to sex and likely exposure to domestic violence aside).

It’s important to focus on emotional neglect specifically, when any and all perceived “weakness”, no matter how small, is unacceptable to Levi. He will never ask for help (being independent to a fault), he can’t define or process his emotions, and it doesn’t occur to him—and it could be a shock—when he learns that his friends care about him, not him insofar as how useful he is.

As an adult, Levi appears to be emotionally mature, but I argue that this isn’t the case. It’s more accurate to say that he has better control over his emotions (in that he buries them or ignores them) with a mature outlook because of all his experiences with suffering.

Similarly, he’s not outwardly emotional not because he’s antisocial (as related to ASPD, not introversion), but because he’s so “emotionally constipated” that he’s numbed the vast majority of the time.

Relationship Issues + Fear of Abandonment

Because of his fear of abandonment and impaired emotional intelligence in close relational conflict, he’s extremely passive and/or passive aggressive. In order to avoid potential abandonment, he doesn’t go out of his way to win major arguments—such as threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he didn’t stay away from the expedition in season three, but ultimately giving in. He’s also more likely to sneak petty insults into arguments, give “silent treatment”, slam doors, etc. His kindness and exceptional empathy shouldn’t let him be physically or overly violent.

These are likely additions to why Levi doesn’t foster many close relationships.

Fittingly, as a child I thought that Levi might have had an anxious attachment style (clingy, excessive need for security), but as this possibility for security was removed entirely, and he was taught to not rely on others, he would develop more of an overt avoidant attachment in adulthood in combination (fearful-avoidant): making very few emotional demands—even though he has needs—withdrawing when there’s conflict, acting aloof yet fearing abandonment, having difficulty expressing emotions he feels intensely, and fear of depending on someone else.

Anxiety

His cool-headedness even in the heat of battle/war (other factors like experience aside) is exactly what you would expect from someone diagnosed with C-PTSD; he’s accustomed to chronic high-stress. But small stressors (i.e., a change of plans) are overwhelming and make him quick to anger/excessive annoyance.

OCD

Emotional dysregulation is also closely associated with OCD.

OCD is much much more than being concerned with keeping clean or organized. OCD is an anxiety disorder composed of anxiety-related obsessions and compulsions, such as frequent and disturbing thoughts or images (intrusive thoughts). These attempt to be managed through rituals (i.e., handwashing, counting in patterns). Although symptoms will fluctuate with anxiety, OCD at its baseline is a distressing disorder.

Since he was young, Levi should have had an incessant need to be in control at all times. A shining example of this is his mother’s death, an incident he couldn’t control but included dirtiness/disease as a cause he could pinpoint, so this anxiety with dirtiness becomes a major obsession, and the compulsion is cleaning. (Putting aside the fact that Levi enjoys cleaning by itself too.)

It’s a widely-held belief that if Levi has OCD, it’s contamination OCD, as it specifically has to do with an obsession with dirtiness and a compulsion in cleaning (i.e., damaging handwashing, ritualized bathing that may take hours). However, based on the multitude of times Levi was covered in blood and remained unbothered by it (Titan and human), and in fact the obsession’s lack of relevance entirely during urgent missions/situations, contamination OCD is simply not plausible. Instead, it’s general OCD.

There’s no way to know for sure, but I don’t see his OCD as mild or severe. Levi is an extremely orderly and balanced person, so it can be concluded he must have things done a certain way, routinely, organizational, or planned; when the dirtiness is “negative” (i.e., Titan blood, blood on a knife he used to kill Isabel’s attackers), he is never more rigid with cleanliness; it’s probable he suffers intrusive thoughts (likely of the violent nature), a fear of contamination, and/or counting ritualistically, but the most obvious compulsion is cleaning. He might have sensory issues, such as disgust if he happens to brush shoulders with a stranger; aversion to particularly bright lights, irrational rage towards “mouth sounds” (i.e., chewing, coughing, swallowing), etc.

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)

Levi should have a complicated relationship with food to say the least.

In the realm of eating disorders, EDNOS is sort of a catch-all term when an individual doesn’t qualify for the diagnostic criteria of anorexia or bulimia, and it encompasses lesser-known eating disorders like Pica. It’s the most common diagnosis for clinical eating disorders.

I already covered how integral the early years of life are, and beginning at a young age, if children aren’t given a basic need like food, and they must seek out food on their own, it becomes an anxiety deeply rooted in the brain regardless of how well-fed they are when they’re older. There will always be an urge to have food available. Levi’s years in the Underground were spent either actively starving, or going about every single day having acquiring food as top priority. He was a young adult when he left, so it’s impossible to unlearn this (without extensive therapy, which Levi doesn’t seek). It’s similar to compulsions found in OCD: even though he logically knows that there will be a dinner after lunch, it’s impossible to put aside this worry.

That may mean always having food stashed, eating too much—especially in his early years Aboveground when he’d eat as much food in a day than he’d eat in a week Underground— stealing food, or eating way too quickly (as someone who lived in a place where food was considered something of a luxury resource and threatened being stolen at any time).

The latter factor contributes to Levi’s suggested preference to only eat alone—joining the fact that Levi only eats with Erwin after expeditions. Eating in front of others should be considered a weakness to him.

As time passes with this easy access to food, combined with his extremely narrow sense of what makes him “good enough”, his relationship with eating may become toxic. Especially when the stakes of his worthiness are so high—literally life and death. He may think that he’s privileged to eat at all, and when he feels worthless, he restricts himself from that “privilege”.

He may be so accustomed to the feeling of hunger, that it doesn’t immediately register with his mind when he is hungry.

Lastly, he may have a generally low appetite. This is often associated with depression, but depression is comorbid with C-PTSD.

Misc.

Some tangents/miscellaneous speculation about Levi’s psychology:

Queer?

Sexuality is formed and shifts due to a wide variety of factors, which most if not all are terribly understudied: genetics, hormones, and your environment/experiences. So again, my speculation.

With his fear of close relationships and negative experiences with sex, I think he should land somewhere on the queer spectrum, specifically under the asexual or aromantic umbrella (i.e., pansexuality/being panromantic (attraction to personality) and demisexuality/being demiromantic (attraction only to those he has an emotional connection to)).

MDD

The odds of Levi having MDD (major depressive disorder/clinical depression) are iffy. Most if not all of the symptoms are comorbid with childhood trauma and C-PTSD: Such as persistent apathy, guilt, and/or discontent; sleeping too much or too little; lack of energy; reduced or heightened appetite; irritability.

Oftentimes, depression, C-/PTSD, and related mental illnesses cause unexplained physical pain, such as back pain and occasional tension headaches. “Stress hormones” like adrenaline are built-up in the body, and usually persist without physical therapy and-or medication (Disclaimer this mention is based on nothing more than Levi always standing with at least one hand on his hip).

Body Language

Similar can be said of his body language from a cognitive perspective. The vast majority of the time, Levi has himself closed-off in some way, usually by crossing his arms to protect his chest; a subconscious barrier between oneself and another person.

Also see this official art of Levi asleep.

Afterword

We’ve known it’s not just Levi’s physical strength and skill that makes him the strongest, right? It should take immense mental strength to make it day-by-day dealing with the trauma and issues that he does, but not only has he survived and continues to, but he lives heroically, selflessly, with the wellbeing of everyone around him as a top priority. He buries all of his pain by moving forward always and without exception regardless of how painful the present is. Living with “no regrets” should in mental respects be a guise for pushing his trauma down, too; there’s just no words that can properly do Levi’s resilience justice.

Part of me wants to go into detail about his later adulthood, but given how very little we know (right now), I think it’d be too speculative.

However, based on what we have seen at the ending of AOT, it’s comforting to know and plain to see that Levi wasn’t defeated when he “lost” the reason to be so strong, and even his strength itself; he didn’t lose his love for his friends nor of life.

In middle age, based on Erikson’s psychosocial stages, the conflict that should enter Levi’s life is the idea of generativity versus stagnation. He seems satisfied with his life despite the negative effects of all he went through—grief, physical disability, inevitable mental scarring—and he’s still concerned with helping others, especially the younger generation in a world after the overwhelming devastation that was the Rumbling.

My speculated psychopathologies/diagnoses of Levi:

C-PTSD (insomnia prevalent)

OCD (contamination obsessions)

EDNOS

#levi aot #snk levi #levi ackerman #levi attack on titan #captain levi #captain levi ackerman #aot levi #aot levi ackerman #attack on titan levi #aot meta #levi heichou #rivaille heichou #levi rivaille #rivaille ackerman #lance corporal rivaille #levi snk #levi.thoughts #aot #attack on titan

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etherealspacejelly · 7 days

Text

does anyone else find it really difficult and frustrating trying to infodump to people? like. either i just get going and they change the subject or they seem really uninterested, or they dont understand that i dont want to talk about the Facts about my special interest i want to talk about my Opinions and the way it makes me Feel

someone will be like oh hey infodump to me about doctor who. tell me some doctor who facts. and im like. ok thats great and i appreciate you encouraging me to talk about it but. i dont Know that many facts off the top of my head. what i Want to tell you about is how there are so many Ruby and Rose parallels and that the use of puppets for the Meep and the Goblin King and the Stooky Babbies was really cool because practical effects give the actors something physical to react to so their performance is more engaging and believable and how the platonic relationship between the Doctor and Donna is especially compelling to me as an aroace person and and and

you know??

but they expect me to be like. idk. rattling off facts about the series and the writers and the episodes and its like. no!!! i dont want to tell you exactly how many episodes the weeping angels have featured in i want to tell you that Blink was really creative in its story telling because it barely features the Doctor at all!! and the scene where Sally talks to the recording and the conversation finally makes sense is so cool and interesting!! and we really get to know these characters over the course of just one episode and then we never see them again!!

its just so Frustrating because i want to infodump so bad all the time but i hate feeling like im boring people or that im infodumping Wrong and i always end up being the person everyone infodumps to because im a really good listener but when i do it i always end up either talking to myself or writing about it on tumblr.

i just. idk sorry for the vent im just kind of upset because i was really excited about the new doctor who episodes and a friend invited me to talk about it and just. ended up asking if theres ever been a character with my brothers name because there was one with my sisters name and now im upset because i dont know!! and i dont care!! thats not what i wanted to talk about!!

ugh

i think i might be on the verge of a meltdown and it feels so stupid but. this Always happens

#autism #actually autistic #doctor who #vent #vent post

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allisluv · 1 month

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What are your top 10 THG characters!? :)

oooo anon this is such a hard one i love all of them equ--

katniss. begging yall to wake up and appreciate that there would be no series without the girl on fire.

lucy gray. writing a song abt ur bitch of an ex and singing it right in front of him? iconic behaviour. catching coriolanus out in a singular lie and bouncing? the ultimate power move.

finnick. he is the sweetest, cockiest human to ever walk the face of the earth and he deserved so much better than what he got. still bitter over his ending if you couldnt tell.

johanna, my favourite man-hating lumberjack lesbian. she'd be the type of friend to back you up, even if you're in the wrong. im in love with this woman.

peeta. he had to be in my top five. i dont trust people who dont like him. i just wanna hold him in my arms and tell him everything will be alright

annie. if annie has ten fans, im one of them. if annie has one fan, its me. if annie has no fans, please come to my funeral. enough said.

effie. she is a fashion icon and although she sometimes says the wrong things, her heart is always in the right place <3

sejanus. his death ripped my heart out of my chest. he was such a sweetheart and all he wanted to do was be part of a better world :((

haymitch. him falling off the stage at the reaping will forever make me burst into laughter. hes hilarious, i just adore him. his bond with katniss never fails to make me sob.

cinna. people don't talk about him enough and it makes me so sad. his death killed something inside of me. he served cunt 24/7 -- hes so baby girl (hes a grown man)

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hawthornesbiggestfan · 4 months

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my roman empire? alisa ortega and nash hawthorne.

were they a healthy relationship? how long were they together? when did they decide that they wanted to be more than friends? when did they decide that they had to split apart?

it breaks me to think that they weren't just a couple, they grew up together. alisa states somewhere in the final gambit (?) that tobias hawthorne also had a hand in raising her, which means she probably did things the way the hawthornes did. she was the original 'one of the hawthornes' girl. the boys (aside nash) probably saw her as family just as much as the other hawthornes.

in my head, the two of them were probl the bestest of friends. and when they entered their young adult age, they decided they wanted more.

to alisa, it was true love, probably. but i think to nash, he felt like it was just another thing so make his grandfather happy. i mean, he surely loved alisa. but it was definitely the pressure of satisfying his grandfather that made the relationship difficult.

when im in a positive mood, i like to think that the break up was mutual. they both agreed to it, and they both decided that breaking up was whats best. but realistically, if we're genuinely takin context from how alisa acted, it definitely wasnt as mutual. i feel like alisa tried to hold on, tried to keep loving nash. but nash made it clear that it was either him or his grandfather. which is probl why alisa acted the way she did.

alsooo i cant help but think that jlb just had to make them break up for the sake of fitting libby somewhere into the plot—which dont get me wrong!! i fucking adore libbynash. they were one of my most anticipated couple in the entire series. buttttt, the second-chance lover in me kinda had a little bit of hope for alisa and nash. anyone else? just me? damn.

because i rly think abt this, 24/7. would libby have been as significant in the books if she wasnt nash's love interest? (which she honestly alrdy is seeing that shes legit avery's second mama and protector) or would nash be significant if he wasnt lib's love interest?

honestly all that im trying to say here is that i wish we had more of alisa and nash. the ending wasnt enough, yk? they just showed alisa all of a sudden happy and fine with everything, as if she wasnt the literal description of female rage in the entire series? and not to mention how some readers disliked her so much??

give the girl a break. shes a young lawyer who lost the love of her life but still chooses to put her job before anything else. tell me shes not the most greatest tig character ever?

pls lmk what yall think!!

🎀

#jennifer lynn barnes #nash hawthorne #alisa ortega #the inheritance games

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d0v3uae · 4 months

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okay, i was just rewatching season 4, and i realized something, remember this scene in the airport right in the beginning of the series? Mike says “i handpicked those for you in Hawkins” most likely he got those from the field that we also saw in the end of this season, and the one of the very first scenes in season 3. now, i was watching the very last episode, and the very last scene, and i noticed when el was walking forward, she picked up dead flowers, specifically the same colors Mike got her as a gift back in the beginning (yellow and purple). this means the fall/deadness of their relationship, because as we already know, they are NOT on good terms. i mean i really tried to like their ship, but i just cant see it without being toxic, and having communication issues for example: El felt the need to lie about her life and Lenora, and how she had friends, and everything was good. why would she need to lie? shouldnt they trust each other and tell each other things like this? And back in the beginning when Mike tells Lucas that they dont want to be popular, and the airport scene when El says that she wants burritos for breakfast, Mike says something like “really? no i mean i trust you,” that scene to me meant that Mike was very awkward, and not acting like himself. and not to mention but Mikes outfit was not himself AT ALL. Argyle says “oh no its a shitty knockoff,” meaning again, that mike is acting like someone hes not in front of his girlfriend.

now, i wanna talk about the roller rink incident, because there is a LOT more stuff going on then what it seems. so basically Mike and Will are fighting while trying to find El, and Will says “well what about us?” and Will DID NOT mean this romantically, but Mike took this romantically?! Will meant it as “Ok i get it, you have a girlfriend, but what about our friendship?” Mike took it as romantic, which is why he said “We’re friend! We’re friends!” and the fact that he said it two times is also insane, and his tone of voice when he said it was so tense almost. when people in other shows/movies say they are just friends, they most if the time end up as an endgame couple. for example: the office, Jim and Pam, they both had crushes on each other throughout the first seasons, but oh look they were an endgame couple, and even got married. what im trying to say is, Mike took it romantically, when Will didnt.

And another thing with this fight, is that as soon as Mike said “We’re friends” the song “in the closet” started playing, and some people think “oh its because Els in a closet” which yes, in a way, but it was an employee’s shed. and also this song started playing RIGHT AFTER Mike assured that they were “just friends” little sketchy right? And i also just wanted to point out that after Mike said that, he saw Wills face and immediately knew he made him sad, and we can see the tension in his face almost disappeared.

now right after the skate incident, El, Mike and Will were all standing there in a triangle if i may point out, but anyways, we can see Will reacted normally, he said “oh my god..” but Mike reacted very aggressively towards it. and the camera pans over to El sitting alone at a table, and Mike and Will are right next to each other. really quickly, i wanna point a few things out. when angela takes el onto the rink, we can see Mike not care, hes just like “meh” but Will knows, so he stands up and says “oh no” which directly after he says that, he stands up so quickly, but this is weird for me. because Mike can sense when something is wrong with Will, but not El. because we see that when angela comes over to the table they are sitting at, it is very tense but Mike doesnt really notice, but Mike notices when something is wrong with Will almost IMMEDIATELY. and this is proven back in s2. so Will is closing his locker and Mike says something like “come on” and Will looks worried or even tense, and Mike immediately notices, because he says “what” many times and not to mention in his soft voice that he only uses for Will. so i think this means Mike understands Will and Will understands Mike.

i think this might be foreshadowing to the break up to Mike and El in season 5. so, once again. BYLER ENDGAME!!

#byler #mike wheeler #mike wheeler is gay #will byers #byler endgame #byler is canon #byler kiss #byler nation #byler tumblr #stranger things #byler analysis #mileven break up #anti mileven

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dreamsy990 · 7 months

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so 358/2 days, amiright? heres my thoughts

this game is just. god its an emotional rollarcoaster

i guess ill start with the things i dont like!! which is mostly the gameplay. i dont really mind the mission structure shockingly (i like being able to roam around but having a clear goal makes things easier for my adhd ass, and i think the miniature storylines are very good for the most part) but i simply could Not get into the combat. especially coming off of kh2 it feels so stiff and unfun to play the only part of the game where i enjoyed the combat was fighting riku at the very end. i think the panel system is okay but i dont like that levels take up space. why did they do that.

story-wise, i dont like the retcons!! a lot of the ones i take issue with are very minor but things like roxas only fighting riku once instead of the implied multiple times (even the dialogue doesnt make sense when you change that, why does roxas say 'how many times do i have to beat you' when theyve only fought once?) are the kinds of inconsistencies that just annoy me.

im also a little bit annoyed at the very concept of this game at all. i think roxas worked just fine as a character without this game. it feels sort of unnecessary in the grand scheme of things. also, xion. i love xion, dont get me wrong, but i dont think she adds anything to the series over all. thats not to say she doesnt add anything to this game because shes a great character and i love her, but shes just. kind of like this game in that if you got rid of her i dont think it would really change the narrative so much.

BUT DESPITE THAT ALL!!!!!!!! i fucking ADORE this game. it is genuinely so full of charm and soul that i just cant bring myself to dislike it. i think this is one of the best written games in terms of dialogue. every scene (at least for me) hit exactly as emotionally hard as i think it was meant to. i was laughing at demyx's antics and crying at xions death and yelling at saix and i think thats exactly how the game is meant to be seen.

days at its heart is a slice of life. its working a 9 to 5 its going through a depressive episode its losing friends its grieving its making fun of your coworkers its living. its a game about life and i love that.

this game really did make me forget that axel roxas and xion dont get a happy ending. i spent so much time looking forward to them making up that i forgot that roxas ran away. hell i almost forgot that xion died.

days is emotional and its story and its characters are just so fucking good. the conflicts all felt very real and you can tell exactly where everyones coming from. the way axel roxas and xion fall apart hits so fucking close to home. but god damnit if axel had any good communication skills like half of this could be avoided

its also one hell of a love letter to axel's character. hes always been one of my favorites (he recently earned first place) and i think this game does him a lot of justice. hes trying to do good. he wants to keep everything together he wants to be there for his friends he wants to make things right but he just cant. its just AUGH its so fucking good

that thing about axel's characterization really also applies to roxas. i dont have much to say about him beyond the fact that i think it does his character very well. also tism. hes so autism.

i kind of like the very limited graphics too. sue me i enjoy low quality games. the hands are not animated and they all have two expressions (blinking and not blinking) and their weapons are flat and im living for it. the very few fully animated cutscenes are good too!!

the (real, i dont count riku) final boss is unfortunately very easy. you can just stand directly in front of her and mash a she wont hit you its too easy but vector to the heavens did mess me up a bit. also earlier scene but "ill always be there to bring you back" with the other promise playing over it? fucked me up man. yoko shimomura is once again killing it

i cant believe roxas didnt get to go to the beach.

i have to give this game a 9/10. its writing is incredible but the gameplay could use a lot of work. its just not fun to play. but again the characters, emotions, and music all make up for that tenfold.

#kingdom hearts #kh 358/2 days #doodles #roxas #axel #xion #kh review

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youngpettyqueen · 2 months

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alright as promised- Julian and Garak and Garashir thoughts on A Stitch in Time!

also, I am going to note before I even begin. yes, I ship Garashir, but im also going to focus on not viewing their dynamic entirely through a shipping lens. Garashir as a ship will be brought up, yes, but im making a concentrated effort to also discuss their relationship as presented because them as a duo compels me even without my shipping goggles on

without further ado, lets get into it-

I think the most important thing to take from how Julian and Garak are presented in A Stitch in Time is that Garak cares about Julian very, very deeply. whether you interpret that as romantic or not is up to you, but its at least made very clear that Garak cares about Julian. a lot. which, yes, we know from the show that Garak cares, but the depth of his care is truly revealed in this book

I think its safe to say that this book is the most open we see Garak be with Julian. and im not just saying in their scenes together- this entire book was written by Garak, for Julian to read. a chronicle of his history, entries made during their time on DS9, and letters written about what he's doing now on Cardassia, all written for Julian to read. this book is, quite literally, Garak showing everything he is to Julian. which is fucking incredible. we know Garak is a closed-off person and very defensive of himself, we see exactly WHY he's that way, and we're seeing that only because he's spelling it all out to give to Julian. this is an openness that Garak hasn't ever afforded himself in a relationship. and I think its for good reason that the first time he is this open and this honest, its with Julian

I was deeply compelled by Garak's point of view on his and Julian's relationship in the entries that took place during DS9. I love how distant they became from each other, and how strained things got. I never would've read it that way with just the show, and now I cant wait to do a rewatch with this new information in mind. Garak thinks Julian has ended their relationship, he thinks Julian doesnt want to learn any more from him, and he doesnt understand why. he's upset about it- he's mad! his feelings are hurt! but he cant let go. and that ties in with the sentimentality we see in Garak throughout the rest of the book. Garak could no more let go of his connection with Julian than he could his connection with Paladine when he was still on Cardassia. he still answers when Julian calls. he still calls Julian himself. even drifted apart, theyre still connected. they still care. and thats why they come back together before the end of the series- they still love each other. platonically, romantically, however you want to interpret it, you cannot deny that these two love each other

as for Julian's side of this rift. I dont think Julian sees their relationship as over, but I think he can tell something's off. Julian is very awkward in many of his scenes with Garak, and doesnt seem to know how to approach him, or even how to talk to him sometimes. whatever Julian believes is going on here, he knows something's wrong. so, in true Julian fashion, even though he doesnt know what to do or say, he reaches out. he keeps reaching out. he goes out of his way to get Garak's favourite food hand-made. he answers when Garak calls. he calls Garak. he tries to apologize. he tries, he tries, he tries. because he knows, whatever's going on, that he wants to be there for Garak. he wants to help. such is the nature of Julian Bashir- he always just wants to help

I love that his attempts to help are clumsy. the argument Julian and Garak have about Federation vs Cardassian politics is great! because we know Julian is trying to help, but Julian has a habit of being a bit condescending and even arrogant in assuming his way is the right way, and I love that Garak actually gets mad about it here. this argument really highlights just how different Julian and Garak are, but it also serves to point out just how strained Garak is with everything going on with the Dominion and Cardassia at this point. Garak is surprised at his own outburst, and I think part of it is because he's typically better at hiding his feelings, but I also think part of it is that he's this mad towards Julian. I dont think its a stretch to say that this might be reminding Garak of the events of Our Man Bashir. that episode comes up multiple times throughout the DS9 entries, and is an event that Garak associates with him and Julian drifting apart. its also the episode where we see Garak get mad at Julian about these same things- namely his arrogance, in assuming he can save everyone and that things will work out. while at first it surprised me that Garak saw these events as driving a wedge between him and Julian, in hindsight, I think it makes total sense

the idea of Julian pulling away from Garak after Our Man Bashir is what makes it make complete sense. Julian trying to apologize in the last entry for DS9 is what really makes it- he feels bad for hurting Garak. and he avoids talking about it, but he pointedly doesnt deny that he would've killed Garak if he had to, to save the others. of course the guilt of that's been eating him. of course he pulled away. because after Our Man Bashir, as we get into s5 and beyond, we see Julian start to go down a darker path. we see Julian kill. we see him lie, and manipulate, and do harm. we see him forced to compromise his morals, or compromise them by his own choice. so, yeah, it makes sense that he's pulling away from Garak

on the topic of episodes that get brought up- I love that Julian only pulls away further after the events of Doctor Bashir, I Presume? I'd wondered how that episode might've impacted his relationship with Garak, since we dont see it at all in the show besides Garak starting to make cracks at Julian about being augmented. I love that Julian being outed as being augmented played a part in him and Garak drifting apart. if theres one thing I wish would've been included in the DS9 entries, I wish we could've seen if Garak and Julian talked either during or right after the events of that episode. I think it'd be interesting, though, if they didnt. I think it'd be interesting if they never talked about it. I honestly think that could track with how they've drifted apart at this point. it'll be left up to me to wonder, I think, but its all very fascinating

I love that despite everything, Garak's respect and admiration for Julian is always clear- especially when it comes to traits like his kindness. its nice to see that, despite how Garak always gets on Julian's case about his naivety and optimism, he actually does love these so-called "soft things" about Julian. he loves his kindness. he loves his selflessness. he loves that desire Julian has to just help everybody around him. I think this kindness is what really helps pull their relationship back together, in more ways than one

for one thing, I think if Julian wasn't his kind and loving and open self, I dont think Garak would be able to be as open as he is with him. Garak is very much used to people having multiple agendas, and Julian is just not like that. Julian is open and honest to a fault, with his only big secret being that he was augmented, and once thats out in the open, he doesnt have anything left to hide. Julian and Garak's relationship might've started with Julian clumsily trying to be a spy, but it quickly became just... a friendship. Julian doesnt want anything from Garak besides a relationship. he just wants Garak. and its this honest, open approach to that that reminds Garak that this is Julian, who he can trust, and thats what lets them mend this thing between them

I also think its crucial that Garak's respect and admiration for Julian's kindness ultimately overpowers his desire to teach Julian his ways. Garak sees their relationship as over because he believes that Julian doesnt want to learn from him. the hurdle that Garak has to overcome here is that he needs to see that Julian can still learn from him, but not in the way he thinks. Garak has to learn that Julian doesnt need to learn how to be a hardened spy from him. he doesnt need to learn how to close himself off, or be more cynical- what he gets from Garak, what he learns from Garak, is how to be challenged. Garak challenges Julian constantly, forces him to think about things from different perspectives he otherwise wouldnt have considered. Julian gets caught up in believing his way is the right way, he cant always see the other side of things, and Garak is the one who will make him see it. thats why their relationship, even when its distanced, is never over- because Julian is still learning from Garak as he continues to challenge him, and Garak is still learning from Julian as he learns that sentimentality isnt a weakness after all

the last entry set in DS9 means the entire world to me. Garak immediately calling Julian after a nightmare. Julian going to him. the discussion they have. Garak realizing what he has to do. the apologies Julian tries to make, and how Garak won't let him. the way they come together again at last, and you know theyre going to be ok. Garak calling him Julian... you have to wonder if this is the first time Garak has actually called him by his name, because to my memory he doesnt do so at any point in the show. and of course its Julian who makes Garak see what he needs to do, and where he needs to be. just, that entire scene. its so important to me. you can feel the love, and it feels like a sigh of relief, because they've finally bridged this gap between them

to me, though, the most loving bit is the very end of the novel. Garak inviting Julian to come to his home, and see what he's done. Garak has just documented pretty much his entire life and sent it to Julian so that Julian will know every part of him, and he's ended it by inviting Julian to his home. holy shit. this is where the shipping goggles go on cause oh my god. Garak has just gone "here's my heart. here's my soul. here's my core. here's everything that's made me into me. here's what I was thinking when we weren't talking. here's how much I missed you. here's everything youve ever done for me. nothing would make me happier than you coming to see me. come see my home. come see what ive done. I love you. come to my home." this entire novel is such a massive display of vulnerability and trust, of an openness Garak has never allowed himself to express, and it end it by inviting Julian to come to his home? im going to fucking explode.

Garak wasn't this open with Palandine. he wasn't this open with Pythas. he wasn't this open with Tolan, with Mila, with Tain- there's been nobody he's been this open with. his relationship with Julian is so much different than any other relationship he's had, just for the fact that he can be truly, openly himself. and he knows he can be, because he knows Julian. this novel really highlights how well Garak knows Julian, and understands him- he knows Julian will accept him for who he is, because Julian always has. Julian would never be as harsh on Garak as Garak is on himself, Julian is the kind voice in his head, and its exactly BECAUSE he sees Garak for who he is: a man who's trying his best. nobody else has ever seen that in Garak- I dont think even Palandine saw it. I think she probably got the closest to seeing it, and I think Pythas too might've gotten close had they not been separated for so long, but nobody ever got close to Garak like Julian managed to

I think however you interpret the Julian and Garak dynamic, you can read this book and understand that these two love each other. deeply. whether that means platonically or romantically you can interpret yourself, but however you define it, the love is still undeniably there. do I think its romantic? hell yeah. they make me fucking insane and every interaction between them in this book made me scream out loud. but I think its a testament to how theyre written that the love is there no matter how you read it, and that their relationship is just incredibly solid all around. Andrew Robinson clearly put a lot of work and love and thought into how he portrayed these two, and it shows in every scene, every line where Garak even thinks about Julian

alright gonna wrap up because this is getting. so long. I love that this book wasn't about their relationship, but it also was. because this book is, of course, about Garak. but it was written by Garak, for Julian. and it ends perfectly, with Garak holding a hand out and going "you're always welcome, doctor." so, yeah, this is Garak's story, but it's also Garak's story for Julian, and that makes me, personally, feel a little insane

#star trek: ds9 #a stitch in time #elim garak #julian bashir #otp: I need to know that someone forgives me #be impressed I managed to keep myself coherent cause im vibrating as I type #the ending of the book does fuel my hc that Julian goes to Cardassia #stays for a bit and then goes back to DS9 #and then returns a few days later with all his stuff cause he sees the work that needs to be done #and the nature of Julian Bashir is that he's always going to help #no matter what #and he stays on Cardassia and he stays with Garak and they kiss about it <3 #god these two rot my brain #anyways there 2 huge posts about A Stitch in Time #what a fucking book #shoutout to Andrew Robinson #will be sending him the bill for my therapy

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irldiancie · 2 months

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All Kagehina “proof” I know of

Ok i wasnt gonna post this but ive been told by a friend to explain why some might ship Kagehina so... try me. i dont exactly ship this myself but lets just say im a pro when it comes to this topic also it's not as bad as i thought it was there are worse ships idk why i was a hater also i lowkey got some of this from shipping wiki but most of it i knew already, plus NOT ALL OF THIS IS NECESSARILY REFERENCES TO THE SHIP it kinda just adds on to it anyways lets just get into it

ok so starting with common knowledge i think everyone knows that Hinata is the protagonist followed with Kageyama being the deuteragonist, they get the most screen time together and are pretty much paired MOST of the series, we get a lot of content with them together while also getting content of them on their own, they're known as the "freak duo," the "greatest teammates" and like 100 other names they've been called I've seen a lot of people intemperate their relationship wrong, I've seen a few say Kageyama was downright "abusive" to Hinata which I think is a little farfetched, but to each their own! They genuinely do care for each other and it shows, even at the end of the manga you can tell how far their relationship has come, even if they consider themselves rivals, they are without a doubt still friends Now a lot of people have said "well they're not gay they're just friends", while this is true, it has been referenced/implied officially in many places, including manga panels and english dubs, so while it isn't canon there is a few cute things about it which we know are official which is why I'm sharing this, I myself know it isn't canon, plus I didn't really make this to prove anything it was kinda for fun sorry if that made little to no sense but I'll start getting into more interesting stuff 1. at the tip of the iceberg we have the fact they're in so much official art together

theres like a 1000 more of these btw theyre often put near eachother even in official arts not based off them

I have like 1k more of these but i have more proof than this but i think you get my point some of this is probably promo art but that's also considered official art so 2. moving on i think another known one is that Ukai calls them lovebirds ONE TIME in English dub and I have no idea who approved that but I think it's funny and obviously this probably meant nothing but take it as you want video of it here 3. this is kinda randomly thrown in but the fact that they also trust eachother, they've mentioned it a couple times but I think it's nice to know 4. i dont remember when this was or what chapter or something but kageyamas grandfather said "somebody even better will come for you", which just happened to be Hinata of course 5. ALSO after that whole fight scene back in season two, Hinata says this

he didnt really consider kageyama as a friend, but he considered him a partner which i believe is more important to hinata. teammates/partners were always something Hinata wanted, as before he went to Karasuno, he didn't feel like his friends in Junior high were necessarily teammates. Meaning he valued Kageyama more because he was his partner.

(credits to triananero for these images) and when him and Kageyama started working together, they most definitely were perfect together, as they balanced each-other out, which made them become an unstoppable duo or whatever they called them 6. the fact that they have matching jersey numbers 9 and 10 moving on to less canon stuff, there is a light novel of Haikyuu called Haikyū!! Shōsetsuban!! which probably isnt close to canon but Furudate was a part of it even though it wasn't written by him, so it's at least somewhat official 7. anyway according to shipping wiki there is a chapter where Kageyama feels "fluttery feelings at the bottom of his stomach" when Hinata texts him, it's on volume 8 chapter 1, I REALLY WANTED TO SHOW YOU GUYS BUT I COULDNT FIND IT ANYWHERE ONLINE. i searched countless tumblr posts and websites but i could only find chapter five and chapter three so im fully convinced this is lost media LMAOOOO 8. also in Haikyū!! Shōsetsuban!! apparently there's a part where Hinata daydreams about him and Kageyama eating under cherry blossom trees i just found that cute AS MUCH AS I WANNA SHOW YOU GUYS I LITERALLY CANNOT FIND ANYTHING OF THIS LIGHT NOVEL ANYWHERE i just know it's real, if I ever get my hands on it which I doubt, I'll share proof it exists btw AND THIS IS REALLY RANDOM AND SOMEONE WANTED ME TO INCLUDE THIS BUT 9. Basically there was a ad for deodorant a couple years back, collabing with Haikyuu, where you could buy deodorants to “smell like them” or whatever, some shippers believe it’s a Kagehina reference as they also advertised Kageyama and Hinatas scents together as some like matching couple thing

and then there's this

And I think I've said enough, there's way more you can find out about this ship, but I hope with this post you've learned something new or whatever... I MIGHT MAKE THIS A SERIES should i do kenhina next or kuroken ANYWAYS DISCLAIMER I didnt look too much into most of these things but I can gaurentee this stuff is true also this was just for fun and not serious but i hope you liked my little post!

#haikyuu #kagehina #im just rambling #kageyama #tobio kageyama #haikyuu!!#ship #um #PLS ignore all the grammar mistakes i made this wasnt supposed to be serious #i love hinata shouyou #hinata shouyou #shippingpost #haikyu #hi #wht ship should i do next

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bluesworldd · 10 months

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PT1. ➤ RUNNING ON E

pairing: miles morales 42 x gn reader

cw/tw: death, description of blood, panic attack(s), cursing, mention of vomiting, using the word “god” in vein, mentions of depression, lower case letters intended. no use of y/n

*if i missed anything please let me know*

genre: ANGST!!, hurt/comfort.

synopsis: you never seen your boyfriend like this, and as much as it hurts all you could do was be there for him.

proofread?: yes/no/kinda

blues says: this wasn’t supposed to be a series but here we are… first fic im kinda nervous. hope you enjoy

spoilers ahead !

┄┄ ︰ ┄୨୧┄ ︰ ┄┄

god.

standing on top of the body miles couldn’t breath- god what has he done? there was blood everywhere; on the ground, on the walls, on him. the world seemingly began to spin, miles was beginning to hyperventilate with ringing in his ears.

it had happened so fast, too fast. he was supposed stop some of these guys from a smuggling, he never meant to kill anyone. god where did he go wrong? trying to remember only seemed to make this all worse, he could feel his mouth start to salivate, miles was gonna be sick-

“MILES! hey are you listening?!” aaron yelled. grabbing his shoulder while taking miles out of his trance. just how long have they been standing here? “hey look we have to go” he had began dragging miles to the parked car. this was all surreal and too sudden, fuck what was he going to do now? how could he possibly live knowing he took someone else’s life? what if he went to prison? how would uncle aaron see him? how would his mom see him? fuck how would you see him?

being practical shoved in the car he could hear his uncle’s voice. “listen miles we tell nobody, not your mother, not your friends, absolutely nobody. ok?” miles truly wishes he could respond but honestly everything his uncle said went into one ear and out the other. instead of responding miles opted for nodding thats all he could do right now.

god miles just wanted to go home and sleep the night away in his parents bed like he used to, when everything was fine and all he had to worry about was going waking up on time..oh how the times have changed, miles can’t remember when it all changed.

miles was so absorbed by his own thoughts that he didn’t even notice he was already home. turning his head he could see the conflicted look on his uncles face. “look miles…im sorry none of that shit should have happened….fuck” miles wasn’t upset with his uncle, no it wasn’t him who dragged miles into this, miles did this to himself. he got so engrossed with his depression and rage that he ended up taking this stupid offer in the first place but here he is, dont get him wrong, miles never intended to kill anyone. besides needing a distraction from his grief he needed this money, miles refused to watch his mother work herself to the bone. either way if miles could take it all back he definitely would.

“…so what should we do now?” god his mouth was so dry and his voice sounded so weak. “ill fix all of this, you don’t have to worry about anything…” aaron trailed on “fuck im so sorry miles” his uncle’s voice didn’t sound any stronger than his, miles could hear how apologetic his uncle was. “..why dont you head inside, its late and your mother is probably worried sick…ill deal with everything..” nodding his head miles made his way into his complex. miles was beyond tired and decided that he would sleep all of this away and deal with everything tomorrow.

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#˗ˏˋblue is writing´ˎ˗#miles morales x reader #miles morales #earth 42 miles morales x reader #earth 42 miles morales #astv x reader #spiderman astv #astv miles

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lilchaos-demon · 3 months

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i dont know how they managaed to fuck up the live action remake of ATLA again…

There is a plethora of things wrong the remake but here are a few that really ticked me off:

WHERE IS KATARA’S FIREY SPIRIT?! She is stubborn, tough, fierce, caring, and NOT afraid of confrontation. The remake frames her as so passive and not assertive and I hate it.

Zuko is the villan of book 1 but he is relieved of all blame and villainy from the gate! His back story and character arc isnt as impactful if he isn’t shown as a dislikeable character first

Aang should have BEEN learning waterbending before they made it to the Northern Water Tribe- Katara took up the role of being Aang’s first teacher and they become closer as they both learn water bending!

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO OVERLAP DIFFERENT KEY PLOT POINTS IN ONE EPISODE?! The visions Katara and Sokka have in the Spirit World were supposed to be had in the Swamp- After they visit the Northern Water Trine and Aang starts his search for an earthbending teacher. But you blend it with the Heibai episode?

While I enjoy hearing from the other previous Avatar’s in the Cycle, they really under played the importance of Roku being Aang’s guide in all things Avatar- Especially considering that Roku was the witness to the start of the Fire Nations war.

YOU HURT MOMO! THATS A CRIME!

AANG HAS YET TO LEARN ANY WATERBENDING BY THE LAST EPISODE OF THE SERIES SO FAR!

Where is Sokka’s leadership and sexism arc? Those are two fundamental aspect of Sokka’s character in the original show. Especially in the Kyoshi episode, Sokka gains a new respect for women when he trains with Suki and the other Kyoshi warriors. But in the live action they focus on the romantic sub-plot instead. We know that Sokka and Suki end up together but they did not have to lean so heavily into it. It should have been spent building out Sokka’s character and evolution!

Admiral Zhao… oh brother. He is cocky but not in a good way. Zhao was more sinister and scheming. But not secretive! Zhao has always been upfront about his rivalry with Zuko and want for power. He is taunting, smart, manipulative but not a gaslighter

And these are just a few things that really grind my gear about the remake. There are some things I like about it like deeper back stories and new perspectives but dear god please. I think the series would have come out better if they had stretched the series out a bit longer and took more time to actually flesh out the characters. All this being said- They better follow through with the rest of the series because if I have another incomplete remake of the series im going to be so mad. Is the remake everything I wanted? No. Was it ever going to hold a match to the original series? Never! But i want to see if they improve and can actually tell this story.

#avatar the last airbender #atla #atla live action #my thoughts #netflix do better #atla netflix

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yoongiaahh · 1 year

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First Day - Me or Him

title: first day

series: me or him

pairing: yoongi x reader(f), namjoon x reader(f)

genre: love triangle ; rating m (18+)

summary: as you and your best friend start the first day of senior year you realize you have no classes together. you don't like people and stray away until someone catches your eye in class, not only that but you're assigned to sit next to each other. this is not how you wanted to kick off the first day of school… will feelings bloom? does your bestfriend approve?

note: hiiii this is my first fanfic so im really nervous lol. i decided on a series because as i was writing my mind was RACINGGG lmao i had so many ideas and didnt want it to be forever long. so i hope youll stay along for the ride. please let me know how you like it! im trying to work on my writing skills so any tips are appreciated :) as for the fic its gonna be spicy but itll be a slow burn so dont get your hopes up lol i want to give you a good taste of the characters before jumping in. i wanted to keep this chapter pretty short to begin so we can leave off with a little cliff hanger SORRY itll be worth it i promise! im also new to the tumblr writing scene and still figuring out the controls AGAIN tips appreciated! thank you <3

warnings: none YET

estimated total wc: 1.6k

Your alarm is much louder than you're used to. Not that it matters, you had woken up a whole two hours before it went off.

It’s the first day of your senior year, you can hardly keep your smoothie down due to the rumbling pit of nervousness in your stomach. As you are pacing the room waiting for your brother to come bursting through the door you get a phone call. It's Namjoon, your best friend since middle school and suddenly you feel a little better about how the rest of your day is going to go knowing he’ll be right by your side.

“You ready? I'll be there in five.”

“As ready as I'll ever be Joonie.” You say with a smirk and major sarcasm wondering how you landed a friend so opposite from you.

“Perk up, it's our senior year… what could go wrong.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever see you soon.” Hanging up the phone quickly you grab your bag and run down stairs. You practically plowed through your brother as he was running up to make sure you were ready.

He’s pissed you can just tell by the way his eyes bolt directly to yours.

“Are you fucking kidding me, I had the courtesy of coming to get you and you repay me by messing up my hair.” His words come out like an avalanche as he immediately runs to fix what you supposedly messed up, yet it doesn't look like one strand fell out of place.

“Tae maybe instead of worrying about your appearance so much you can put more effort into school this year.” You scream through the house.

Your brother is a year below you and a complete douche. It comes across your mind more than ever how the two of you can be related. He's the king of his class, making new friends every day while you have had one friend for the entirety of the time you've been in this city. You’ve never really had the want or need to have anyone else than Joon, and you’re glad you havent had to share since he’s never kept another friend besides his gaming buddies.

Joon finally arrives at your driveway. As you're walking out the door you remind yourself there's only one more year of this hell you've been going through for the past three years. You atleast need to get through today, leave your worries for tomorrow and do your best.

The car ride to school lifts your spirits as you listen to Joon gawk about all the clubs he wants to enter and all the classes he signed himself up for. You’re happy for him but not at all what you are thinking about at the moment. Playing your favorite tunes through his amped speakers you reflect on the amazing summer you had and wish that it never had to end.

Gathering your things you and Joon walk up to the bulletin board to check what classes you got put into. Just as your morning got better all the nervousness you had earlier hits you like a truck. You don't have a single class together with him, which in the five years of knowing each other has never happened.

Immediately you both turn your heads in shock. You knew one day this would happen but why the first semester of your last year. You're sweating bullets not knowing how you'll get through today without him.

Trying to make you feel better, Joon offers to switch a class in hopes the teacher would approve.

“It’s alright Joonie, you already said how excited you were for the classes you picked and you got into all of them. I’ll manage somehow.” As soon as you say it you regret it. He would definitely switch if you had just agreed but you don't want to hold him back.

“Well we still have lunch together so just keep your cool till then.” His smile is the nausea pill you wish you had.

He wraps you up in a hug, letting you know everything will be alright. Once separated from the embrace you needed you make your way to your first class of the day.

The bell rings and students come piling in to take their seats before the teacher starts going over the plans for the semester. Writing everything in your notebook to keep your mind off this lonely day that has just started.

It’s not that you don't like school, you actually very much enjoy it and have always kept good grades. You’re just horrible at conversation and not much of a people person to begin with.

Joon and you had been paired together for a project way back when, which is how you and him ended up being friends. He is a very straightforward person so making conversation with him was never an issue, and you actually had quite a bit in common. He could clearly tell you were shy so to say the least he started most of the talk between you two. Once the project had been turned in everyone had returned back to their chosen seating to sit with their friends and you were surprised to see that he chose to continue sitting by you. Since that day you had been inseparable.

Lunch is finally here. Classes fled by quick since it was mostly introductions and receiving your sylbasses. Your backpack feeling like a brick from the textbooks you gathered you make your way to the cafeteria. You quickly find Joon and walk up to the line to get food.

“So how’d it go? Make any friends?” Joon snickers as he says the last part, knowing you all too well.

“Oh yeah I actually already have a new best friend so I guess i'll go sit with them.” Turning your head pretending to look for someone as Joon lets out a laugh. You spin around to smack his arm knowing he saw right through your mockery.

“As much as I would hate to be replaced, it wouldn't kill you to make a friend or atleast find someone else to talk to.” Nudging your shoulder as he says the words.

“I’m good with my small circle, thanks”

You both go back and forth with how the day has gone so far. He couldn't go on enough about how happy he is with his classes, which makes you forget the regret you had earlier about his offer.

The lunch bell goes off so you both clear your trays and head out to the hallways. Study hall is next for you so the nerves have suppressed as you know you can put your earbuds in and tune out the class. Joon gives you a wink and lets you know to meet back at his car when the day is over.

Heading to your locker to put the stack of textbooks you received away you get a text.

JoonieBug🪲🤍

Fighting❤️

Whatever loser❤️

You giggle as you put your phone back in your pocket and head to your class.

“Hello class, I hope your first day of senior year has been great! As you all know, study hall is your hour window to get caught up with your work or take a breather and relax before heading to the rest of your classes.” The teacher says much too loud for your liking. “I have put a seating chart together in hopes everyone can meet some fresh new faces. Please follow this chart as it is part of your participation grade.”

Great.

The last thing you wanted was to meet ‘fresh new faces’.

You grab your assigned seat and whip out your airpods in hopes that the person who's placed next to you takes the hint and stays to themself. Though to your surprise the bell had rung and the seat next to you was still vacant.

As you get out your syllabi to scan and send to your mother you hear commotion at the front of the class. You take out an airpod to see what is going on and you're taken aback when you see a boy with bleached blonde hair rolling his eyes as the teacher is complaining to him about being late. You don't know why but there are butterflies in your stomach as you look at him. Retracting your gaze he turns to meet your eyes. and the butterflies only get worse as you see him heading to the seat next to you.

He throws himself down in the seat and you can feel the heat in your cheeks rising. You don't know why your body is reacting this way.

In all of your other classes you had gotten a seat to yourself luckily but that wasn't the case here.

Hoping he doesn't notice your face looking like a cherry, you press play on your phone and get back to sending the photos to your mom.

“From the way you look you either really didn't want someone sitting here or you must be absolutely enthralled that I’m the person to sit here.”

You barely make out the words as you throw your head around to look at the all too cocky boy taking up the seat next to you.

“I-I don't know what youre talking about.” Turning away with a flushed face. Your mind racing wondering why he would even spout out those words.

“Yoongi”

“What?”

“My name silly, I’m Yoongi.”

“Oh okay”

The smirk on his face is absolutely annoying. You want to slap it right off his face.

“So do I get to know your name?” The smirk slowly turns into a grin as his eyebrow cocks up.

“Alright class, enjoy the rest of your day, I’ll see those bright faces tomorrow.” Your teacher says as the class ending bell goes off.

You have never gathered your things into your bag with such haste. Not realizing you left your notebook on the desk you throw the bag over your shoulder as you dart out the door to get anywhere but that classroom.

#bts fanfic #bts smut #bts yoongi #min yoongi #yoongi x reader #namjoon x reader #fanfic #fan fiction #yoongi smut #namjoon smut #faeswrites #yoongi fanfic #namjoon fanfic #meorhim

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