#I forgot to post day 1 as a standalone post... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

urtheloml · 2 years ago

Text

wonder how we got this far (i don't really need to wonder at all)

pairing: bakugou x reader w/c: 9k synopsis: you're excited about the prom, bakugou is not— disagreement ensues a/n: i'm back... first post of 2023 n the year is almost over... embarrassing 🧍🏼‍♂️this is the third n final installation to my little white lie mini-series!! read part 1 here n part 2 here!! this can be read as a standalone too :3 uhm... i started this fic in like... april (??) n completely forgot abt it until last week so i have no idea what the original plot was going 2 be but i think it turned out okay (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) also i know this fic is SOOOO overdramatic but i have watched every single movie that had a major prom scene (hsm3, the duff, mean girls, etc) n growing up, i looked forward it to SO bad that i literally used it as motivation to do well in exams. but then COVID happened so no prom experience for me so this is me basically projecting onto my writing!! okay mwah hope u like it xx o((>ω< ))o!!

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. The opening scene of the Bee Movie plays like a mantra in your head as you're searching for something in your closet. Your ears pick up the occasional grunt or cheer from your boyfriend, who's currently laying in your bed with his DS in hand, and your eyes roll affectionately.

You can't find what you're looking for so you abandon the mess you've made in your drawer and turn to Bakugou instead. "'Katsu, have you seen my can of body glitter? It's in a little purple spray bottle."

Bakugo barely glances your way, "No, why would I have seen that. Why d'ya need it anyway?"

Your body slumps against his comfortably as you cosy up next to him on your bed and even if it's been a while, your heart still skips when he immediately tangles his legs with yours. "I need it to make myself glittery for the prom, duh. You can use it too if you want before we leave."

"Huh?"

"The prom. The dance thing we're going to, in like three days?"

Bakugou's eyebrows scrunch up confusedly as he puts his DS down and immediately a bad premonition settles in your gut. "What are you talking about? I never said I was going to that shit."

Ah. There it is. You're glad he put his game down 'cause if he wasn't looking at you while you're about to have this conversation then his console might have landed outside your window right about now. You're looking at him incredulously when you say, "What do you mean you're not going? You're my boyfriend so you have to go. It's like an unspoken rule... you can't not go to prom. Who's gonna take me then? You want me to go alone, like some loser?"

The barrage of questions makes him smile amusedly at you, but for once the sight of it induces anything but affection in you. There's no way he's taking you seriously right now. Bakugou scoffs and turns back to his game, "Huff all you want, princess, but I'm not going to the prom."

Before he can start a new game, your body lands on top of him unceremoniously so you have his undivided attention. "'Tsuki! This is our one and only prom as high schoolers. Doesn't that mean anything to you? I want to go and dance with my girls and I want to dance with you. Please?"

His jaw ticks, and he looks away from you because he knows if he stares too long then he'll cave. He refuses to go and you're not about to sway him. He has his own reasons for not wanting to go and he'll stand by them if it's the last thing he'll do.

"I told you I ain't fuckin' going, alright? You can go with your friends and you can have fun and dance with them but I'm not going. Stop pushing me on this."

His voice comes out hard and unwavering, leaving no room for argument. Also, you can't believe he just called you pushy. Bakugou, who forced a confession out of you just because he wanted you to say it first. He underestimates your persistence though, because next thing he knows, you're leaning down like you're about to kiss him and his eyes are already half-lidded but instead you bite down harshly on his nose.

Bakugou yelps but that doesn't deter you. "Can you at least tell me why you don't want to go? Because you don't want to go to a lot of things with me but you always end up going anyway. Like the nail salon, or Bath and Body Works. Why's it different this time?"

His eyes narrow and he shifts beneath you, probably trying to escape your shit fuck ton of questions but you're caging him in. He stays quiet for a whole three minutes when he finally says, "I just don't want to go, fuck, can't you just let it go and compromise for fucking once?"

What. "What?"

“I’m just saying,” Bakugou sneers, propping his elbow up below his head, “you shouldn’t be forcing me to go. You said it yourself, ya know, it feels like I’m always doing what you want.”

You falter. "That's bullshit, Katsuki. You're being really mean right now."

It seems that you used the wrong choice of words because his face turns gloomy, and you can tell he’s biting the inside of cheek as hard as he can. He places his forearm over his eyes so he can physically block out your reaction when he practically spits, “Why don’t you go date golden boy Kirishima if you think I’m so mean, huh?”

Woah. That was a low fucking blow and he knows it. He regrets bringing up his best friend’s name the moment the words leave his mouth because the way you inhale sharply and get off of him fearing for his life. The hairs on his arms rise when you start speaking to him scoldingly, and he won't even deny that he deserves it.

“I cannot believe you’re still using that against me, ‘Suki, that was more than a year ago! And don’t give me shit about not knowing how to compromise because I always eat the food you make. Even when you make it spicy on purpose even though you know I can’t handle it. And you know what? I don’t particularly like going to the gym with you on the weekends, but I still always go! And maybe sometimes I wish we could have more than just study dates but I stay and read with you anyway. And I always, always, forgive you when you do stupid shit like forgetting our anniversary or- or when you make me cry."

Almost as if your body takes cue from your words, you can feel a familiar stinging sensation creep up behind your eyelids. It starts a chain reaction because somehow Bakugou barrels on. Even though his face blanches when he sees the water on your lash line, he can’t seem to stop his mouth from moving.

"Well, fuck, sorry I'm such a shitshow to handle, princess. You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to date me. But if you’re so tired of me already, then why don't you just break up with me, huh?"

No longer was there a trace of affection or playfulness in the way he calls you ‘princess’. The word drips with condescension and malice and your heart cracks a bit at the way he speaks about himself. Bakugou's sitting on the bed now, looking up at you as you stand before him.

Yet, your gaze holds nothing but warmth and frustrated tears when you look at him. Because, much to your dismay, you also always know when there’s something up with Bakugou . He leans away for a moment when your hands come up to touch his head, but decides to let himself fall into your touch in the end.

Bakugou buries his face against your stomach, gripping onto the back of your shirt with crumpled fists. Gently, your hand cards through his messy hair, “Baby, I never said that. I never said you were hard to deal with. You’re a very easy person to deal with, and an even easier person to love. And I have never, ever, thought about leaving you. Okay? I’m sorry for making you think that."

He nods into you, the movement tickles your abdomen and he does it again and again until you start giggling and pushing his head away. Bakugou rests his chin against your navel, looking up at you with slightly glassy eyes. He knows he doesn’t deserve the kindness you’re laying onto him, doesn't deserve you in general, but he still reaches up to swipe a thumb under your eye.

“No, I was out of line. I shouldn't have said all that. I’m sorry, I was bein’ rude as shit.”

The truth is, Bakugou isn't really that easy to deal with. You can handle him just fine because you've had years of practice. To an untrained eye, maybe it'll look bad for him when he scoffs a fuck off everytime you ask to hold his hand. But you know he never means it because he always takes your hand anyway, intertwining his fingers with yours. And then he'll squeeze your hand three times; i love you, i love you, i love you.

So no, he isn't easy to deal with. His body language and words don't always correspond to what he's trying to convey but it's still plainly obvious that he quite stupidly adores you anyway. He'll yell at you for forgetting your wallet, he'll call you an idiot the whole day and then he'll pay for your lunch and walk you home the same day. If you get cold for forgetting a cardigan, he'll tease and taunt you for a whole five minutes maximum before giving you his own that he just somehow keeps forgetting to take out of his bag, as he says. He'll make a face like he just ate a lemon when he tries and fails to not make fun of you if you don’t score so well on a test, and then he’ll tutor you for hours on end until you can get it right.

It gets quite predictable.

He pulls you down then, letting your bodyweight sink onto his lap and presses a kiss against your lips in apology and you hate that it works. Hate that he can erase every mistake with a press of his lips to yours, because he never kisses you without meaning it. And you know he means to say sorry with the way his tongue slips into your mouth.

Unfortunately, the argument does not end.

He pulls away, breathing heavier than before. The bubble of calmness and comfort around you bursts explosively however when he mutters, “‘M still not going to the prom, though.”

It's not like you didn't see this coming. You knew that he didn't really care about prom, no matter how badly you wanted him to. You just thought that maybe he'd take you anyway. The thought of going without him makes your chest clench because you could have the time of your life with your girls but it won't feel the same without him next to you.

Maybe he's right. Maybe you do make him do things he doesn't really want to. But then again, you do the same for him. You're left confused and defeated when it's time for him to leave and he's still adamant on not going. On one hand, you don't want to force him to go. But on another, you really do wish he'd change his mind.

You're silent as you show him out, and he notices but he stays quiet too and in his head, he beats himself for being a coward. He hates himself for not being able to talk to you properly. He knows very well that if he just told you what's up with him then you'd understand, and you could still probably convince to go to the dance. But he doesn't speak up.

Right before he leaves, he leans down to kiss you goodnight but you turn away at the last moment so his lips meet your cheek instead. Slowly, you press a palm against his heart, pushing him away and pretending you can’t hear how it stutters at your denial.

"Hey, before you go, I'm sorry if I'm being pushy again but you-,” your voice trails off, and you sigh defeatedly, “you can't keep making me cry and just expect to kiss it better all the time, okay? And I know you don't mean to do it, but it still hurts, Bakugou. I'm tired of getting hurt all the time and I'm not forcing you to go, but I hope you know that it really fucking sucks that my own boyfriend won't go to the dance with me, and it sucks even more that he won't even tell me why."

Bakugou? What happened to Katsu or ‘Suki, he mourns internally. He keeps a blank face but it feels like the blood within his veins just got replaced with pure fucking ice as he lets your words sink in. He refuses to let his facade break but it feels like someone is grabbing him by the throat and he can’t seem to breathe right.

"If you keep making me feel like this, one day I'm not just gonna let you kiss it all better. 'Cause sooner or later, you're gonna run out of chances."

Bakugou stays unanswering, and you look at him pleadingly for him to just talk to you but he doesn't. It's not until you go to close your door that he finally speaks, voice soft but accusing, "You just said you've never thought of leaving me, and now just 'cause I'm not taking you to some stupid dance, you're taking it all back?"

If Bakugou had superpowers, pissing you off would definitely be one of them. You resist the urge to stomp your foot childishly, because you know that won't help to get your point across. Your teeth bite down on nothing as harshly as possible because you don't want to start arguing again, it won't solve anything. He knows that too, and even though your hands stay right by your side, he feels like he was just punched in the jaw when you meet his eyes and he finds that somehow, he managed to make you cry twice in one night.

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe this isn't just some stupid dance to me? I get it, okay, that it's not your scene or whatever, and it doesn't matter to you but it really matters to me," you tell him as placatingly as possible, and his eyes are as clouded as his judgement, "I've waited a long time for this, and I never thought I'd even be lucky enough to have someone who means so much to me to go with. And if you can't even see how important it is to me that I want you with me at this stupid dance, then you're the worst. The worst."

With that, you finally shut the door in his face. His muffled protests behind the slab of wood go ignored in favour of stomping back to your room. Bakugou's insufferable! He's stupid and stubborn and temperamental. He's a hothead that jumps headfirst into anything he does with everything he's got.

He's the worst. (he's the furthest thing from it)

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

Neither you nor Bakugou give in to the temptation of calling one another. When you see him in class, you don't look at him and you go straight home. The both of you being too stubborn to admit defeat by reaching out first. It hurts to admit though, that for once you wish he'd just call you. A mere three days of radio silence on both your ends doesn't do wonders for your relationship, it chips away at both of you until the hurt simmmers to a seemingly numb feeling in your hearts.

As you think of ways to spite him, your mind comes up with the idea of going with someone else. But you don't entertain that thought for longer than a second, because that would be cheating and you'd never stoop that low. He probably wouldn't even know if you did anyway.

The night before the prom, you sit on your bed forlornly, twirling the little charm bracelet that slings around your wrist. It's a cute thing that Bakugou gifted you a few months ago. It was a simple purple band with two star charms on its ends and a little saturn charm in the middle. He has a matching one in blue.

"It's beautiful, 'suki. Why saturn?" You had asked.

"Uh... I don't- I read somewhere that it kinda symbolises growth and commitments. And you know, that fits us." Katsuki answered, withholding the fact that he spent three hours reading multiple astrology sites about it even though he quite frankly thinks it's bullshit but didn't want to get the meaning wrong anyway.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. ‘Cause I wanna fucking commit to you and I'm gonna be everything you’ll ever need.”

The bracelet jingles lightly as you fidget with it. Your phone lays on your bed with no signs of him calling and a deep crushing sigh escapes you as you prepare yourself for another night of tossing and turning. The memory of what the bracelet meant lulls you to sleep and you're left wondering if he's still wearing it too, which makes you wonder even more if he's missing you as much as you're missing him or if he's missing you at all. It's hardly noticeable but you think your cheeks feel damp as your eyes fall close.

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

In his own room, Bakugou lets the dumbbell he's curling fall to the floor. He barely hears the resounding thud it makes or his mom yelling at him for dropping the weight like that. He flops onto his bed, arms spread and neck spotted with sweat. His mind swims with thoughts of you and he wishes it wasn't so hard for him to just fucking open up to you. His insides twist just thinking about the way he left things with you, it makes him feel stupid and he hates it.

It's not like he doesn't want to take you to the prom. If anything, he'd love to do that. He wants to show you off so bad. Have you all pretty, draped over his arm and looking gorgeous in whatever dress you wanted to wear. God does he want to, he wants everyone to see you with him and he'd bask in his smugness that no one else gets to have you like this but him. He'd relish in the absolute envy on anyone else's face as that saw you with him. Because everyone knows, including himself, that you're too good for him. And now he's gone and fucked it all up.

For all the confidence he exudes, Bakugou Katsuki is actually not someone who's void of insecurities. If anything, his confidence is just a front to his crackling interior. But not always, because sometimes he is quite the hot shit. Anyway.

Contrary to your belief, he doesn't want to go to the prom for your sake. He's heard the things people have said about you- or rather, he's heard what has been said about you in regards to your relationship with him. Just thinking about it makes him feel nauseous all over again. He wasn't supposed to hear it, he thinks.

He'd been walking past the girl's toilet whilst looking for you. It wasn't on him that girls talk so fuckin' loudly. Like c'mon, in his defence, if you're going to talk shit about someone, at least do it quietly so that the person aforementioned won't hear his own name like a siren beckoning him to eavesdrop. So really, it's not his fault for pressing his back against the wall to hear the rest. He can't put a name to the two voices (why would he be able to) but from what they're saying, they know him apparently.

..."... I bet he's forcing her. To date him, I mean."

"I don't know... they seem pretty lovey-dovey and all gross to me. If you ask me, she should leave now and find someone better."

"That's called conditioning. Or like, stockholm syndrome. I mean, let's be serious, who wants to willingly date Bakugou of all people. He's like if the word aggression was personified. He's mental, I swear."

They laugh, gaudy.

"I bet he's gonna show up to the dance with the poor girl, 'cause he's way too fucking clingy. Have you noticed that he's practically by her side almost 24/7. Hope they don't turn up together, like give that girl a break."

So. He wasn't supposed to hear that. He wasn't supposed to fucking hear that, and for a good fucking reason. At that moment, it felt like his heart was stuck in his throat while simultaneously, his stomach dropped to his ass. He doesn't cry. He's not that bothered by it. But it makes his head spin that people actually think of him like that.

By then, he wasn't thinking straight, because if he was, then he'd know not to make assumptions about how everyone felt about him based on two girls' conversation. Alas, he's not thinking straight, so, fuck it.

He doesn't know if you remember but he barely said anything when he walked you home.

It hurt him, but everything they said about him wasn't anything he hadn't heard before. It was the way they talked about you that got to him. How you were unhappy or being forced, they said. It's the way he's tried his hardest to pour his heart and soul into you and him and it's still seemingly not enough for people around him to think that you're both undeniably gone for each other.

It makes him upset, because he thinks he's been doing a pretty good job at showing you just how much you mean to him, but apparently fuckin' not. He's obviously not doing something right. Which makes him feel frustrated because he can't figure it out. He tells you he loves you plenty. Okay, maybe not plenty but he does say it. He says it and he knows you know that he’s trying to show it in his own words. He always keeps a jacket for you, he’s never let you fail a test since you got together and he always always makes you extra food that he makes for himself. Maybe he’s done something wrong along the way.

It's not like he unintentionally made the food spicy for you. Sometimes it just slips his mind that your portion can't be the same level of spicy as his is. And he knows how sad you get when you fail an exam, which is why he forgoes normal dates to sit and study with you. Of course he'd much rather do something like hiking or fucking, he doesn't know, laser tag with you, but he'd always put your education first. He knows how much it means to you after all.

An ugly feeling nags at him. It makes him want to pull away from you, show some distance so people would stop talking for a bit. But another part of him wants to run to your house right now and tell you I'm sorry. please don't leave. I can do better. Neither of those feelings actually make him do anything, though, because he's stubborn and refuses to cave.

Ugh. He thinks, before promptly passing out on his bed.

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

The evening of the prom arrives. You're standing in front of your mirror, all dressed up and pretty. Your dress accentuates your curves amazingly and you've adorned your cheeks with small star-shaped rhinestones and sprayed a generous amount of body glitter all over yourself. The shimmer makes itself known in every crevice of your room but it doesn't bother you right now.

An imaginary Bakugou makes himself comfortable on your bed. He's eyeing you up and down and groaning appreciatively at the sight he's been blessed with. Fuckin' gorgeous, he says, just like you know he would if he were actually here. You're wearing his colours after all.

Your hands smooth down your dress incessantly for the nth time that night, as if getting rid of the imperceptible wrinkles on your dress would get rid of the thoughts in your head as well. It doesn't, but it makes you feel calmer. Maybe some would call it dramatic, or stupid, but you don't even really feel like going without him.

You don't want to miss out on your prom, and you still want to dance with your friends and eat cheap shitty food though. So maybe your hair droops a little, akin to your mood, but you leave your house shining and smiling anyway.

And when you get there, things start looking up. Whoever's in charge of the music has been doing an amazing job of not playing Closer by the Chainsmokers on repeat yet so that's win in your book. In fact, they're not playing any songs that would give the average retail worker war flashbacks, which means they're doing a phenomenal job.

The hall is mostly full by the time you and your friends find a table near the back. There's a line at the punch table and you can already tell that it's probably spiked with something judging by the students practically dry-humping one another on the dancefloor, much to one of the school's chaperone's dismay.

The first hour passes by without a hitch. The buffet table is lined with cheap pizzas, stale fries and other questionable foods like jello cups that you're not sure is even made with real jelly. But your friends eat it anyway and you do too because food poisoning's all part of the party package.

At the back of the hall, there's a photo booth with props and signs for everyone to take. Your friends and yourself take ungodly amounts of pictures at the booth, laughing loudly without a care in the fucking world. You don't let yourself think about how Bakugou would scoff at the choice of props, you refuse to let yourself think about how he'd pose after choosing something equally stupid and you absolutely do not let yourself think about how much brighter you'd be smiling if he were here with you. You don't.

The sound system blares songs from bands you're somewhat familiar with, the bass of the songs echo and reverberate throughout the dancehall. It amplifies the adrenaline running through your veins as you jump around with the rest of the people in the hall. It feels silly and unnatural but you're giggling and swaying and it isn't so bad when you've got your girls right next to you doing the same thing.

It's easy to forget about all the aches when you let yourself get lost in the crowd. You're pushed into the middle of the dancefloor that's definitely filled with people who don't go to your school.

A song that you vaguely recognise by The Weeknd plays over the speakers and it's so fast paced that your heart thumps to the bass of the song. The tremors echo through the hall, shaking the floor and it becomes so easy to forget why you were upset in the first place.

The song ends and cheers from half-drunk high schoolers fills the temporary silence that follows. The DJ announces that he's about to slow things down a little for a kick of romance. He stretches out the word romance so it sounds more like roooowmaynceee and when the music fades into something mellower, it becomes even easier to remember.

It becomes increasingly harder to ignore the pitiful glances your friends send your way as they're whisked away by their own dates. Humiliation and longing pools in your belly as you watch your friends get their waists held and their bodies swayed and it fucking sucks. Even though you wave dismissively at them, it does look quite pathetic when you slowly move to stand against the wall by yourself.

Your eyes sweep over the couples dancing, and you pray that no one asks you to dance while you're being a wallflower. You don't think you'd want to dance with anyone but him anyway. Distantly, your mind wanders to Bakugou, and you're left thinking about what he must be doing at this hour. Maybe he's studying, or watching a movie, or cooking something inedible like always. Maybe he's already asleep. Maybe he's missing you and he's on his way over here right now.

Nobody is crueler to you than yourself, you think, as you let your mind wander dangerously into that false pretence of hope that he might change his mind about showing up.

There's a phantom feeling that glides over your skin as you watch your friends dance, and you wrap your hands around your elbows to soothe it. The sweat from your earlier dancing cools off as the air in the hall gets cooler and you're not sure if it's the crisp, cold air, or the fact that you're painfully aware of Katsuki's absence that makes your throat sting each time you inhale.

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

In the end, Katsuki's mother is the one who quite literally knocks some sense into him. Mitsuki Bakugou is not a force to be reckoned with, ever, and as tough and cool Katsuki makes himself seem, he'll always be a little bit intimidated by his mom. It's why he tries to seem as nonchalant as possible as he sits on his couch while staring unblinkingly at the TV.

Mitsuki pops her head into the living room. Fuck, he didn't think she'd be home so soon.

"Katsuki? What the hell are you still doing here?"

"You going crazy, hag? It's a Friday night, am I not allowed to take a fuckin' break or what?" He swallows.

"Language, asshat. And I just stopped by Inko's, brat, I know what day it is today," she sighs annoyedly before plopping down next to him, "She tried to show me Every. Single. Photo of Izuku in his tux. I had to tell her I left the stove on to get out of there. So quit the bullshit. Why are you still here?"

Katsuki has a pillow in his lap and he squeezes it until his knuckles turn pale so his voice won't waver.

"She didn't want me to take her," he lies, hoping his mom will take the bait.

Mitsuki shoves her son's head to the side good-naturedly, "I thought I told you to quit the bullshit, brat. That girl adores the hell out of you for some fucking reason, so don't try to lie to me."

It's that one goddamn line that has him snapping at her. It's her words and the stupid girls in the stupid fucking toilet and it's an amalgamation of everything that has him wanting to tear his fucking hair out that makes him lose it.

"Yeah, okay, fuck you too mom. You're right, I don't fucking know why someone like her wants to be with someone as fucked up and angry and- and mean and aggressive as I am too, alright? Everyone at school already fucking wonders why she even wants me so I didn't take her to this stupid fucking prom 'cus maybe they'll get off my back about fucking forcing her to be with me. I'm not in the goddamn mood to be hearing about this shit so fuck off. I wish I knew what the fuck she sees in me that's so good but I don't so just stop this fucked up interrogation, God."

He's not even looking at the TV anymore. He spits out his outburst while staring straight at his hands fisted in the poor pillow. It'll never uncrease now. His jaw is clenched so tightly he's scared his teeth might just shatter in his mouth. He doesn't want to look at his mom right now, too afraid to see her pitiful gaze directed at him. Doesn't want to hear her say you're right Katsuki, I don't know what she sees in you either.

Katsuki braces himself for an impact, knowing he's probably about to get smacked for talking to her like that. He doesn't expect the hand that gently lands atop his head, and he doesn't expect the hand that's curling behind his ears to turn his head towards her. Mitsuki looks at her son, making sure he really looks at her this time.

"Katsuki." She says, as gentle as the first time she held him in her arms. It doesn't matter how many years have passed, he looks just as small to her right now, and just like the day he was born, she will wrap him up and make sure he knows how loved he is.

"Katsuki, listen. I'm sorry for saying that," Mitsuki exhales, "It was a joke, but it was insensitive and I'm sorry. Every other time I said something like that about you wasn't true either. You're a good son and a good student and a good person. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, or says about you because the people who truly care about you know that you're a good fucking person, Katsuki."

Katsuki can barely hold eye contact with her. As embarrassing as it is, his vision blurs over and he will never acknowledge the way his voice breaks. "Mom," he shudders, "I'm always trying so fucking hard. I want to be good, please."

A noise that sounds like a choked back sob escapes him unwillingly. Mitsuki pulls his face into her shoulder and smiles when he barely resists. He fits just like he did before he thought hugging her wasn't cool anymore.

"You are good. You are so good, Katsuki." she whispers, "You always help to cook, and you keep the house clean and your grades up. You don't speak politely but you are honest and you are just like me. You use your hands, actions, to communicate rather than words. But you know, Katsuki, sometimes the people we love need to hear it from us too, okay? We'll both work on that."

A miniscule nod. "I'll start right now, Katsuki. You may be a brat sometimes, but you are my son. My sun. You are good, and kind and for everything you do not love about yourself, I love it tenfold."

He absolutely does not break at that. Katsuki bites back a whine, and exhales shakily again, soaking in her words like a sponge because he knows these moments for them come few and far in between. He doesn't mind. He thinks it's special that way, cherishing it whenever it does happen even more.

Mitsuki cards her hands through his hair, "You're a winner, Katsuki, that's why you have your name. Don't let whatever happened get to you like this. If you don't go to that stupid prom, you'll be making the biggest mistake of your life. Because I love you very much, and it might even be possible that that girl of yours loves you just as much, or maybe even a smidge more. Get your ass changed, and talk to her, alright? I know it's scary, letting someone in, but you care about her and you need to do this."

Katsuki pulls away from her, wiping his face roughly with his arms. He sniffles harshly, trying to erase all traces of the vulnerability he just showed. He bites his lip hard enough to almost draw blood. He wants to say he loves her back but the words fail him. Not yet, he thinks.

"I don't know what colour her dress is." He says instead.

"Wear your red suit. Don't ask questions, go get ready. You're already late, I'll call a cab for you."

Katsuki nods, getting up to walk to his room. He's halfway up the stairs when he pauses for a second. "Thanks mom. Love you."

Mitsuki waves her hand dismissively in his direction.

Katsuki stands in front of his mirror, inspecting everything he sees as if that'll change the way he feels about himself. His mom talking to him helped a lot, but he's still finding it hard to breathe and it's not just because his collar is choking him a bit. He fiddles with his bracelet. He tries to ground himself as he thinks about whether he should put on a different suit.

He really wishes he listened to what you were saying when you were talking about your dress. What if he shows up and his suit clashes with your dress? That would just make your night worse.

It's ridiculous. He knows he's just procrastinating. Because thinking about suit colours is easier than thinking about the crippling insecurity that still sits heavily on his shoulders, shackling him with the sheer weight of it all. He'd rather think about the colour of your dress than the fact that he feels like he can't give you what you deserve in a boyfriend.

His reflection frowns back at him.

The words you said play in his head like a broken record. You are the worst, you told him. He thinks of all the things he never really says to you because for some reason his emotionally constipated self just can't bring himself to say them. (Because he says I love you, but he means he hopes you never trip on your shoelaces if they're untied, that your hair never tangles in the wind, that if your drink spills not a drop of it would touch you, that your hands are always warm, that you'd never forget to bring your headphones before you leave the house and that you're always safe whenever he's not with you. Because he says I love you, but he means he hopes that if the sky were to drizzle, the raindrops themselves would feel privileged just to be able to fall upon your skin. Because he says I love you but he means he hopes you know he wants to say it right to your face, and into your mouth and kiss the words and every version of it's meaning into the space where your shoulder meets your neck every morning when he wakes up and every night before he lets himself succumb to slumber. He says I love you, but he means more than what those words convey. He says I love you, but he means stay warm, stay safe. He says I love you but he means my heart belongs more to you than me. He says I love you but he means he'll never want anything else for as long as he lives if it meant you'd always stay with him. He says I love you but he means come home to me and keep coming home to me, please.)

Oh.

If he could kick himself for being so stupid, he would. But he can't so he'll let you do it for him instead. I am not a coward, he tells himself as his unsteady hands try to make his hair look less of a mess. It doesn't work so he leaves it be and dashes out the door with an undone tie around his neck and he hastily side-hugs his mom- dodging her attempts to groom him- before throwing himself into the cab.

He doesn't make it a habit to show up late, but hopefully this time you'll forgive him. This time showing up late is better than not at all.

He's never made it a habit to show up late but maybe this time showing up late is better than not showing up at all. He drums his fingers nervously on his thigh throughout the entire ride. He hopes to God you're having fun. He hopes you know he's on the way. He hopes, and hopes and prays that he hasn't lost his chance.

When he arrives, he doesn't even spare a glance for his own friends, too preoccupied with finding you. The hall isn't very big but the space is large enough that he has to walk around a few times just to spot you.

The minute he sees you leaning against the wall, he wishes desperately he could go back in time. He'd do fucking anything to erase that faraway look in your eyes. He can see the way you're yearning to be one of the couples on the dancefloor and he wants to unwrap your hands around yourself and replace it with his own.

Katsuki breathes in deep and makes his way towards you cus damn it, if you wanted a dance, he'll give you a fucking dance alright.

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

The last slow song finally slowly tunes out, transitioning into a more upbeat one. The couples finally disentangle themselves from one another and you're just about to step back onto the dancefloor when a very familiar pair of arms snake around your waist.

You didn't even see him come in. It doesn't matter how he apparated here, because the only thing that matters right now is the fact that he showed up and the way his arms fit snugly around your hips. A breathless sound of disbelief escapes your lips as he pulls you into him when you turn around to face him.

If he's surprised by the lack of anger or disappointment on your face, he doesn't show it. All he knows is the feeling of your arms coming up to rest up on his shoulders. With the way you're beaming up at him, anyone would think that the only thing he did was show up almost two hours late. He knows better though, he knows he fucked up when all you wanted was for him to bring you to this stupid dance. And on God, would he try his hardest to make it up to you.

Katsuki leans into you, burying his nose into your hair that's all pinned up and pretty. He's getting glitter all over his face and suit and he doesn't care at all.

"I'm sorry," he exhales, letting the apology spill out of him, "'M so fuckin' sorry, princess."

It's so quiet, you almost think he never said it at all. In the background, you can just barely register the lyrics of Paramore's Still Into You that's currently playing. A litany of 'thank yous' is mentally conveyed to the DJ.

"And what are you sorry for?"

Katsuki clenches his jaw, his eyes darting away from yours like he's struggling not to look away. He groans before telling you, "There’s been rumours going on, people talking shit like they know us. Saying fuck all, running their fuckin’ mouths about how you could do better than me. And it’s stupid that I believed them for even a millisecond, I know. Then I realised that if I let you show up here alone then i’d just be proving those fuckers right. So, you win, princess. I took you to this stupid prom. I showed up, ‘m here right now."

Even though it's been said before, the lack of confidence Katsuki has in himself is absolutely baffling. It's like he can admit he has flaws and weaknesses and he'll know exactly what the problem is but he won't fucking talk to you for some reason you can't figure out.

Nvermind, you figured it out.

He's scared. Bakugou Katsuki is fearless. He's not afraid of anything, because he knows everything he's afraid of can be defeated one way or another. His fear of failure is conquered with his efforts in order to secure success. His fear of inferiority to anyone that's a threat towards him can be overtaken by brandishing his own achievements like a sword, or like armour. But when you come along, suddenly it becomes: Bakugou Katsuki was fearless.

The only thing he's scared of is losing you. That’s something that he alone can’t control, because you could very well decide to leave him if you ever felt like it. He realises that if he didn't show up tonight, the chances of that happening would be much much higher, and then if he lost you, he'd be a loser. Bakugou Katsuki is not a loser.

Your chest tightens at the thought that he actually believed that you’d leave him for someone better, as if someone like that even existed. One of your hands reaches up to curl around his neck, forcing him to look at you. You shake your head firmly when he tries leaning away.

You’re glad your voice remains steady when you say, "You should've talked to me. ‘Suki, I can’t believe you almost blew me off because of some shit some people we don’t even know thought about us. They don’t know anything about us, alright? They don’t fucking know how good I have it with you and you shouldn't keep all that to yourself next time, okay?”

His grip tightens, “You should’ve heard them though. Girls are fuckin’ ruthless. Talking about how easily you could just fuck off and get with someone better. Saying I... I'm forcing you to be with me. Fuck, it made me feel like shit ‘cause I knew there was some truth in what they said. I know I can stand to be nicer to you.”

Your hands find their way to his undone tie and you tug, “Katsuki, I don’t care about what they said. You hear me?”

Once he nods, you go on, "I couldn't do any better than you, because you're already the best. You said it yourself. If you think I deserve better, then be better, 'cause I don't want anyone but you. So stop trying to push me away. Whoever started all this can fucking eat our asses 'cause clearly they don't need their mouths if all they're gonna do is talk shit."

"Holy fuck, you really need to stop spending so much time with me." Katsuki snorts.

With a laugh, he twirls you around two times all while complaining that you're starting to sound exactly like him. But you’re not so sure he really minds so much judging by the way he grins wickedly at you. When his arms go back to their rightful place, you rest your forehead against his chest, "Also, let me? 'Suki, I did show up here alone. Which means that technically, you didn't really take me here, you know? 'Cause I had to come here all by myself."

Katsuki huffs and puffs, and leans back far enough to flick your forehead softly. He sways you slowly to the music, despite how fast the music is, "What matters is that I'm here. I’m fuckin' sorry for making you show up here all alone. Look, I’m even dancing with ya, ain’t that enough?”

Am I enough?

Katsuki says all that like he's exasperated with you but really he's posing it as a question. He's asking, and looking for a chance to redeem himself. Like always, you rest even more of your weight against him, knowing you can let yourself go boneless against him and he'll hold you all the same. He's all strong and soft and sturdy and you can hear his heartbeat thundering beneath his clothes and you make sure he can hear you when you say, "You've always been more than enough."

You can feel the way any lingering tension escapes him when you tell him that. He tells you softly, promises you that he'll start opening up more to you, and he kisses you on the cheek to really seal it in. The song echoes throughout the room, thrumming in your veins and making you feel weightless.

Some things just, some things just make sense and one of those is you and I.

His eyes don't waver as he really takes you in, savouring the image of how good you look. He sears the image of you into his brain and he hopes you know how serious he means when he rasps, "Fuck, ya look gorgeous by the way. Absolutely fucking stunnin' and I really fuckin' wish no one else but me could look at ya." His hands run down your sides slowly and squeeze at your hips, eliciting goosebumps all over your skin.

Heat quickly floods your cheeks and pools in your tummy, and his hands tighten his hold on you. You grin at him, "Well, ignoring your tie, I think you look very handsome as well. I'm surprised our colours didn't clash."

Katsuki barks a laugh at that. If only you knew.

It's quite the scene to see you and him swaying gently to such a hyped up tune. Everyone mostly crowds up around the front of the hall. But you and Katsuki hang back from the big mass of sweaty bodies, choosing to stand nearer to the opposite end of the room. If your friends look at you weird, you don't take notice. It's as if you're in your own little world; just you and him.

The second chorus sounds and Katsuki dips you as low as he can get before you yell at him. When you come back up, he's looking at you all starry eyed, staring directly at your lips. He can't stop himself, he cuts you off while you're singing along to kiss you right then. He swallows the little 'mmphrh!' that comes out of your throat greedily, sliding one of his hands up your back all the way to the cuff of your neck to press you even closer into him.

"Fuckin' missed you and your pretty fucking mouth, baby." he sighs breathlessly into you.

It's barely a chaste kiss, looking quite messy for a high school prom. Thankfully no staff member comes in between you and him, so he pulls away slowly before leaning back in. He kisses you once, twice and then some more and even a fifth and sixth time, like he's making up for all the days he didn't.

After he's satisfied with all the kisses he's peppered on your face, he leans away, smiling sillily. "She's right, you know?"

Your eyebrows furrow but your lips quirk up anyway, "What are you talking about?"

Katsuki spins you slowly, "The singer. She's right," and leads you back into him before singing monotonously, "After all this time, I'm still into you."

"You are such a loser, that was so cringe. Oh my god, what the fuck," you laugh, but your heart squeezes in affection.

Katsuki doesn't know if it's the haphazardly hung disco ball and the flashing lights that makes your eyes shine and sparkle or if it's just you, but he can't tear his eyes away from you. You're looking at him like he split the oceans for you, and he thanks every star in the sky that you're letting him hold you this close again.

If he knew how unreal you’d look when you’re dancing in his arms, he never would’ve ditched this thing. What a shame, he thinks, that he missed out on two whole hours that could have been spent with you looking like this. Maybe it’s the air in the hall but he feels practically giddy at the sight of you enjoying yourself, and it makes his heart fucking leap because it’s him that’s making you smile like that.

The sides of his mouth hurt from how much they've been stretched tonight, but he can't keep the smile off his face when you say, "You're right though. She is right."

He hums along to the tune, because denies it as he may, he absolutely loves this song just as much as you do.

Your eyes drink up the sight of Katsuki dressed up so… in character. His hair is as messy as ever, his tie hangs loose and undone around his neck and you’re sure his suit jacket has seen better days but he looks fucking ethereal to you. He’s all lethal grins and loud laughter and his cologne smells as spicy and warm as it always does and you realise again just how in love you are with him.

Katsuki’s eyes are gleaming, and maybe it’s just a trick in the light but you’re reminded of just how lucky you are to have him like this. Because maybe he is brash and harsh when he talks to you, but he’s never treated you like you’re anything but the most important thing in his life. To him, you’re his favourite person in the whole world, and he doesn’t need to say it out loud because he knows you know it too.

So maybe Katsuki isn't easy to read, or deal with. That doesn't mean he's not easy to love. Because loving him was like breathing— instinctual and inevitable. You loved him the way the moon loved the ocean, and the way the sun loved the stars. Loving him was the easiest thing you've ever done in your life, and you knew that wasn’t ever going to change.

And baby even on our worst nights, I'm into you. Let 'em wonder how we got this far, 'cause I don't really need to wonder at all. Yeah, after all this time, I'm still into you

⚝ ⚝ ⚝

(extra)

Later, when the two of you have sufficiently made out against the wall enough for the chaperones to flick water at Katsuki so he'll finally pull away, you'll find his hand and pull him along to the rest of your friends.

Kirishima will see you two and laugh, telling Katsuki he's glad he pulled his head out of his ass. Katsuki will hiss, "Kay why ess..." and drag you to the photo booth. You won't tell him, but you're secretly glad that you were right. He does scoff at the assortment of props but he picks up a stupid styrofoam emoji of a bomb.

He pushes you into the booth and sets the timer for the picture. Right as it's about to go off, he looks at you very seriously as he says, "You put the boom-boom into my heart," before absolutely smashing the emoji against your cheek.

"KATSU I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU-"

The photos come out blurry and you're wide-mouthed and laughing in all of them. He's looking at you like you're the only thing that exists. There’s barely any inches between you and him like you’re the sun and he’s every planet that orbits your celestial body.

Katsuki walks you home afterwards, laughing and stealing your body heat as he delivers you to your doorstep. When you kiss him goodnight, he thinks he must have known you in every life before this one for him to have the capacity to love you as much as he does. He keeps his copy of the photo in his wallet, signing the back with 'still into you xx'.

Not that he needs the reminder.

183 notes · View notes

auraisereigh · 5 days ago

Note

I love your writing so much good job. Could I request a fic where y/n's birthday is reunification day and she is marked but her friends violet and rhinnaon throw a surprise party on the day for her birthday (yes they forgot its not on purpose and the whole thing would just escalate all that)

hi, sweetie!

first off, when i read your ask when you had just send it, it made my day. I've been going through some stuff and this my day a bit brighter. <3

It took me a while to write it as i kept falling asleep and i wanted it to be perfect. I don't think its the best work i ever made but i still like it and i've never been able to write for like the whole squad. usually its focused on one person but i really liked this idea as i have fammiliar feelings on this topic

anyway im rambling, i love you all so much and all there little comments help so much, you have no idea.

i hope you like it <3

#fourth wing #iron flame #onyx storm #fourth wing x reader

3 notes · View notes

bookshelf-for-stuff-i-wanna-read · 8 months ago

Text

Masterlist?

Look, this is my first time actually trying to be organized since this is just gonna be a bunch of reblogs of various masterlist (which is what I'm putting here) that have cool literature and also, if I remember, various reblogs of little snippets or drabbles or stories I liked and wanted to hoard (alongside a smattering of commentary/praise/admiration. If I forget or don't do it, I either forgot or was feeling lazy, but be assured I loved the story). Please excuse me if this is never finished lol

Also, if this is an introduction, ima just say that this is @idkanonymystuff … just putting that there since my commentary kinda counts with what I put there? Idk but ye that’s me (hopefully it’s correct. If you see a pochita image and corgi aerodynamics, that’s it)

Basically, all reblog are either stuff I have yet to read or I have read it and am sharing commentary because I liked it and wanted to save it to read again

Also if I reblogged a masterlist, I probably won't reblogs individual stories in said list just for ease of less clutter. Not that I hate the story, I probably love them, just don't feel like doing more work than necessary.

New edit: may reblog individual stories with commentary and just put a #commentary as a tag for filtering.

I'll start the process hopefully sometime later this day week year never

Currently there is nothing under the cut but I will remove this when there is

As of 1/22/25, still nothing… procrastination is amazing :)

2/4/25 still nothing. Maybe I should give a fun fact for every week after the date…

2/12/25 damn one day late. Anyways, did you know that potato chips were invented out of spite? It’s a long story but it’s real, go search it up

Here's a separate list detailing all of the masterlists and the person that made them

I have yet to figure out how to make tags work so I'll just list them here so you know what there is

masterlist - what it is; various masterlists. I'll probably make a separate post listing each one for ease of finding once I figure that out

And here is my tagging system, ignoring tags that distinguish genres like “heroes and villains” or “fluff” for example

ALSO I tag the person who did the work so

standalone - essentially just a single snippet/post/drabble/piece of work/whatever that I really liked and wanted to save separately. If said piece is in a masterlist, I probably won't tag it but I might because I'm a human and I have free will

Masterlist - essentially the name; a masterlist that has all the stories and stuff

To read - stuff I’m actually saving to read later (read:procrastinating starting it)

Read - stuff that I finished reading…kinda in the name. Probs also has commentary of my thoughts on the piece of work, maybe not, who knows

Don't think I'm gonna make a list and the person for that but who knows?

Uhh... I guess various tags saying what said snippet (or masterlist) contains? Like fluff, whump, hero and villain stuff, angst, etc, that sorta stuff.

FOR ME: To make a text with a link, highlight it and select the link. Make sure you have the link ready to copy paste

#masterlist #to read

5 notes · View notes

another-lost-mc · 2 years ago

Text

Meant to post this yesterday, but I got distracted by work and real life stuff and forgot it was sitting in my drafts.

It's going to be a chill day for me and I don't mind rambling about writing stuff between episodes of JJK and doing chores. lol

WIP Ask Game

Choose an emoji:

💙 Milestone Fic (Michael/Diavolo/Solomon/Barbatos)

🔥 Insatiable Part 4/Part 5 (Solomon/Asmo/Barbatos)

😈 Discipline Part 2 (Mephisto)

⚰️ The Creepy Castle Part 4 (Barbatos)

✨ Enchantment Part 2 (Lucifer)

😇 The Edge of Heaven Part 4 (Michael/Simeon)

🖤 Feathered Friends Part 4 (Karasu)

And a number:

1 — What is the log line/one sentence summary for the fic?

2 — Is this a continuation of an existing series or a standalone fic / oneshot? If it’s part of a series, are the previous installments “required” to understand the plot?

3 — Describe the relationship(s) in the story.

4 — What is the main conflict of the story?

5 — Where does the story take place/what is the setting?

6 — What is the AO3 rating/tags for this story? What tropes does it include?

7 — Do you have an outline for the story or are you writing as you go?

8 — What is something frustrating/challenging about writing this WIP?

9 — Do you have any inspirational songs/music or visuals that describe the aesthetic or vibe of this WIP?

10 — Share something random or something you like about this WIP.

Send them to my ask box if you’re curious about what’s been circulating in my drafts lately.

#chill sunday things #jes.plays #ask games

15 notes · View notes

mattgambler · 2 months ago

Text

So where is that book you keep yappin about?

It's right here!

But so far I only printed four custom versions for my loved ones. Initial toe-dipping into the query-lake left me with nine form rejections and three silences, so clearly it needs a bit more work. ...I think. Actually, not quite sure! See, the issue with form rejections, as most writers will probably know, is that you don't even get half a clue about what it was that made the honorable slush-pile-reader say no to you. Here is one of my examples:

Matt,

Thank you for thinking of me and Agency on your search for an agent. I'm sorry to say that after careful consideration of your work, I've decided I'm not the best fit at this time. Please note that mine is only one opinion in a very subjective industry, and I encourage you to continue querying to find the right match.

I wish you the best of luck on your publishing journey,

Name My girl Judith read this and went "why not include a query letter with actual feedback in it instead?" But that's the point - I didn't get one, they are all like that. Might be the writing sucks. Or perhaps the issue isn't in the writing itself, but the query letter is confusing? You know, those 350 words that you have tried to forcefully cram your entire novel into, and then you forgot to mention WHY your bad guy is bad? (Not that I would ever do that, ahem) Or maybe you got everything in there, and your writing is better than your rambly blogging skills would suggest, and it's simply that you decided to debut with a six-part fantasy saga instead of with a standalone novel that may have been a lot simpler and easier to sell. Then of course, you start digging, and obsessing, and throwing yourself around in bed at night, wondering if maybe you shouldn't have written that one part where the donkey fucks the queen! But it *is* a really handsome donkey, after all... Then you go and watch some Youtube videos, and this one agent says "at least have an Instagram account where you post regularly". Another one says "you should definitely have your own website at this stage, after all agents will most certainly look you up". So now I made my very first Instagram account (I left Facebook and Twitter years ago and never looked back) and looked around a bit on websites like Squarespace, although a little whisper in the back of my head is telling me that maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Then again, my brother read the whole thing in a week and told me "you should keep sending it, it's actually good". But I am also aware that I am one of thousands that get rejected every week, maybe even every day. Maybe I could write a standalone prequel in the same world. And if I can manage to sell that, then I don't have to debut with a saga anymore, and maybe that would make it easier then. But also, as I said earlier, maybe it simply needs more work. A stronger hook on page 1. A bit less of X, more Y. And so on. If your head is swimming, so is mine. Finishing my first ever novel resulted in a high that I'm still riding to this day, but I also finished in November, and now we have April. And while I have done a lot of work since then, I don't enjoy this part half as much - and I also haven't written anything new since November, and instead spent my time posting on Instagram, watching Youtube videos put out by literary agencies, reading through the archive of query shark, not to mention reading a ton of novels on the hunt for comp titles that fit, even remotely. I guess that's what I get for wanting to write a story that's different from what I've read before, good luck comparing it to... anything. This might sound like I feel disheartened, the negative nancy that is trying to convince herself into surrender, but really I'm just putting this here so I can show it to all the other aspiring writers one day when they ask me how I managed to become the next Stephen King of Fantasy. Obviously.

#am querying #writing #writers on tumblr #Frostling #Frostling The White Raids

0 notes

pumpkin-spike18 · 1 year ago

Text

✨Weekly Progress #51-52✨ +Happy New Year 2024✨

I've been thinking about the past year for the last few days and struggled with how to talk about it.

But, let's start with the weekly progress reports, before I miss the ability to do it for 2023.

Weekly Progress #51

Linearted 4 SYVNH BGs

Answered more BWOBK edit comments

Yes, it's the same image as last time since... the 4 linearts were done by the time I posted the last update.

Weekly Progress #52

Scripted BWOBK S1-S3

Submitted the demo for The Beauty Which Only Beast Knows to Winter VN Jam and Once Upon a Time VN Jam

The demo is now available for download here!

...Oh my god, I forgot I start my weeks on Mondays. My brain got really confused for the twitter version of this update 😅

I'll be making a separate post for it tomorrow (or Akua would), but BWOBK is finally out! ...Well, the demo for it anyways. The last week has been a blur of editing, scripting, and final playtesting. I was working quite frantically so I didn't record all of my tasks for the past week.

...Which, to be fair, didn't amount to much other than working on BWOBK. Our team wanted to accomplish a lot for this jam, but as the final week approached, we knew we had to cut back a bit if we wanted to submit anything to the two jams so we discussed and agreed to submit a demo.

Please look forward to a full release in January 2024!

Looking Back at 2023 ⏳

Visual Novel Development

Last year I made this tweet to celebrate what I accomplished in 2022.

A total of 5 VNs was an amazing feat I didn't think I'd accomplish. I was prepared to never beat this record again. Yet, lo and behold...

This year, I submitted nine projects.

1 Updated Demo:

I counted this as a submission since my update was about 50k new words, all new BGs, and like 14 CGs (I forgot the exact number). Sadly, I couldn't make it to the finish line of a full game. That'll be 2024!

4 Solo Projects:

These are four short visual novels I did for a variety of jams (three of them were for about week long game jams). They're all playable in browser and shouldn't take longer than 20 minutes each to play.

one last time. is a standalone entry.

kill your feelings., spirit killing curse, and Exorcist Killing Lie are separate stories set in the same world of ghosts, unreliable gods, and exorcists. I've been calling it the Kill Series and I hope to work on it more in 2024.

4 Team Projects:

I participated in another four visual novel projects this year! Two of which were demos, and one even won second place in the Spooktober Visual Novel Game Jam!! That was a real surprise! Although everyone in the team worked super hard, I don't think any of us expected it. So it was really a great and amazing surprise that had all of us shocked with happiness!

The Beauty Which Only Beast Knows is a demo I'm the main writer for. I also wrote one of the routes for The Final Prize is Soup, which is the second place Spooktober 2023 winner!

I provided the art for For the First Time.

And I did the programming for Saintess Alasdair is Dead.

All of these visual novels (plus more from previous years!) can be found free to play on my itch profile!

I think, next year, I won't be able to beat this record 😂 In fact, I hope I don't... As happy as I am to have performed such a feat, it was very exhausting and took a lot of energy out of me. I just hope to finish my ongoing projects in 2024.

Other Creative Goals

Here is another tweet from early 2023:

I wasn't able to spend a lot more time animating, and it's hard to gauge improvement on my own, but...

I did it! I completed 24 illustrations!

This has been a mix of OC art, fanart, a couple gifts, and a couple commissions. Hopefully, next year I'll be able to not "cheat" by adding commissions to the mix... 😂 I'm very proud of my commission works, but I did say it was supposed to be personal art.

I actually spend the last three months drawing 10 of the illustrations. To be exact, I drew 14/24 drawings in the second half of 2023... This was alongside working on a variety of CGs and BGs for games, a couple fancomics, and some design work that didn't feel quite "illustration" worthy.

Other

As a number of you might have noticed, or if you're one of my closer friends in devtalk... I quit my job!! Which, may sound like a bad thing, but I'm actually quite relieved. I finally freed myself from something that felt like it had been chaining me down for years.

I did it with no plans, just enough savings for a short while. Hopefully, this will be the wake up call I need to improve my life and find a job I enjoy. I took a few months off so I'm ready and back for the job hunt in 2024! (...So in about an hour from me writing this, haha)

Speaking of the job hunt... I also started accepting commissions on vgen! I don't know if I want to pursue a creative career, but it isn't out of the question.

If you're interested, I'll be opening for a week or so in 2024 before I close to work on projects again until June or something. (wink wonk 😉😉)

Finally, I'm really happy to have joined the Ace Attorney fandom this year. I started replaying the games around September and searched for a fandom discord on a whim. I've met some really great writers and artists since! Everyday getting to talk about gay lawyers have been great and reminded me of an almost lost fun from my childhood.

So if any of you from there see this post, hello! Thank you for giving me such a warm welcome! I really enjoy spending time with you all!

And someday, I WILL kidnap you guys into making a visual novel with me.

I participated in my first online fan event thanks to everyone there and it was a lot of fun. I hope to do more with everyone soon!

Well, that's all! If you made it all the way down here, thank you for reading! 2023 has been an interesting ride and I look forward to 2024.

It's currently 11:12PM for me here (I made it, I finished writing before midnight!) but, this is probably as close as I can get before getting distracted by a video or other work so...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

#vnlink #devlog #visual novel #recap #indie dev #vndev #happy new year #pumpkinthoughts

5 notes · View notes

thekaijudude · 2 years ago

Note

After the blazar trademarks dropped I've been thinking a lot about blazar lol and wanted to know your thoughts:

1) with the henshin item supposedly being the blazar stone and brace, what do you think it'll be like? It's quite impossible to guess at this stage, but how do you think they should do it to be different than Taiga?

2) is the huge number of new kaiju indicative of anything? Also on that note, do any of the names of the new kaiju hint at new versions of notable new gen kaiju? (Kinda like golba?)

3) was the new gen agul ever officially trademarked at any point? I'm starting to think it may have been false

4) it seems like while blazar might be a celebration of new gen, it doesn't stick too closely to it? I guess this is more of a hope more than anything

Hi!

1) I honestly have no idea because to be frank, that's what I was originally expecting before the teaser came out and since its meant to commemorate the New Gen's 10th Anniversary. And aside from being outright fusion, the easiest way to commemorate it is with something like Taiga's gimmick. Cause at the end of the day, they still have to be able to produce merch to sell.

But since we've seen the teaser, we now know that this series would seem to be taking on a darker and mature tone, so to be frank, I don't even know if there'll be such gimmicks at all since the tone and the direction was totally out of left field ever since Nexus.

They even touched on some mature topics like ShinU, like the distrust of Ultraman amongst the humans, which I hope would be a running theme cause it'll make the storyline far more interesting, especially since that it was also established in that same teaser that Blazar was already very active as an individual for decades prior to the series. I can just see the interesting implications and the very exciting number of ways they could go with just these 2 plot settings alone.

But if I were to still assume that there'll be (albeit most likely anyways) the top of my head, the stones gimmick could perhaps be like the infinity stones and gauntlet since he also has the Blazar Brace, and each stone sort of contains the power of each New Gen Ultra. But in order to make it "somewhat" unique from Taiga's gimmick, I guess Blazar can launch a specific attack or gain specific abilities once a specific combination of New Gen stones are used in conjunction with each other, equipped on the Brace? Similar to the Z Riser in that sense tho.

Tho in general, the gimmicks probably won't be ridiculous, such that it'll ruin the immersion of the mature tone of the series

2) It does seem that TsuPro intends to go in a "new direction" based on the drastic shift in tone. Especially since Decker was the 10th New Gen series, so it's rather understandable and appropriate that they'll choose to do so with Blazar as the 11th New Gen Series. Perhaps they might even stick with it until the proposed end of the New Gen Era which is slated to be in 2028 iirc.

Tho one thing to point out that i forgot to mention when i posted the trademark list is that some leakers specifically pointed out that Reinas and Levira are either Ultras or the main Villains, no clarity on that but the fact that these 2 were singled out is very curious.

3) Ye it's fake at this point, tho no news of a secondary Ultra either as of now. But I won't be surprised if there'll be either showing up mid way through the series or in his movie since Agul and Victory is a thing.

4) Ye essentially as what I discussed in 1), it seems to largely be a standalone series and having too many "forced" references or following the tone of the prior New Gen would definitely ruin the dark immersion experience.

But then again, this is Taguchi we're talking about here, and he's been improving by leaps and bounds ever since X, Orb and Z. So while I won't be surprised that there'll definitely at least be some New Gen reference (or as said, New Gen stones), but as long as the writing and plot settings for these aspects dosent ruin the immersion, I don't think anyone would really complain either

Thanks for the question!

#ultraman #ultraman blazar #asks

2 notes · View notes

anika-ann · 3 years ago

Text

I posted 2,746 times in 2022

261 posts created (10%)

2,485 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@chase-your-dreams-away

@murdock-and-the-sea

@avengerofyourheart

@ronearoundblindly

@captainevans

I tagged 2,744 of my posts in 2022

#r - 2,478 posts

#beautiful man - 595 posts

#so so grateful - 499 posts

#ramble - 490 posts

#chris evans - 486 posts

#reactions - 425 posts

#steve rogers - 296 posts

#steve rogers x reader - 184 posts

#writing - 167 posts

#reply - 165 posts

Longest Tag: 126 characters

#i am usually the first to look for a hidden meaning but sometimes “come chat with me” really just means “come chat with me” 🥹

My Top Posts in 2022:

Ice Cream (S.R.)

Type: comfort fluffy/dirty blurb

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader Word Count: 1300

Summary: You didn’t have exactly a great day - had an awful one, really. But it’s nothing a tub of ice-cream and a loving boyfriend couldn’t fix.

Warnings: 18+ for implied smut and suggestive language... and for that terrible pun/innuendo Tony came up with, brief violence

A/N: I’m gonna write a drabble – this time actually short, but really! Hahaha. Ahahahah, right. Here, have a very spontaneous blurb I wrote instead of studying baguette, which I’m gonna do now, excuse me-- 💕

See the full post

266 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

On Va Voir, Ma Chérie (S.R.)

Type: Modern-college-professor AU - part of Attached series or a standalone

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader Word count: 3000

Summary: You messed up. Again. Now you’re stuck with reading a stupid book for your class, in French, which you barely speak and you know you’re in for a long night.

Your favourite professor and fiancé in one person comes to your rescue. Suddenly it’s not all bad; it’s worse.

Warnings: 18+, smut (dry-humping, fingering),dirty talk, language kink and voice kink (hello self.-indulgence), French, ‘babygirl’ (no daddy kink), language

A/N: Either a standalone (becauseit’s just a prof Steve and language kink) or a part of the Attached series. Look at me crawling outta my hiatus just to share filth...

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

You couldn’t believe you forgot. You couldn’t believe you forgot about this week’s reading for your European lit class.

You knew this week was going suspiciously smoothly.

See the full post

272 notes - Posted April 23, 2022

Hold onto Me (S.R.)

Type: Drabble-ish PWP

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader Word Count: 1200

Summary: You’re a SHIELD agent in training struggling with your upper body strength. Your boyfriend offers help - and has some interesting and very motivating methods.

Warnings: smut, 18+, nsfw, PWP, unprotected sex, praise kink and captain/uniform kink (if you squint), stealth suit and its (in)appropriate use, mean-ish Steve (not really, I cannot write him mean because in my eyes he’s not), language

A/N: My hands slipped after THIS gif-fueled conversation🤭 I blame @sweater-daddiesdumbdork for her caption and @ocean-bucky for tagging me in the first place 👀 Also, I used Amber’s line (I hope that’s okay, tell me if it’s not, Amber, please)

S.R. masterlist

See the full post

335 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

Love on the Brain - masterlist

MCU x Criminal Minds crossover

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader, (slight allusions to past Spencer Reid x reader)

Summary: You found menacing pictures of you friend, colleague and neighbour Steve in your mailbox.

Someone might play it off as a bad joke, but you were an agent for the Avengers Initiative and a former FBI agent. You’ve seen cases like this and you were taking no chances. Not with Steve of all people.

But you were going to need help; enter the BAU.

Characters to appear: Steve Rogers, ‘reader’, Natasha Romanoff, Tony Stark, Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid, Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia...

Setting: slight AU, before Avengers: Age of Ultron and Criminal Minds season 7

See the full post

406 notes - Posted July 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

In the Name of the King (S.R.)

Type: medieval/fantasy AU

Pairing: knight Steve Rogers x reader Word Count: 13,000 *

Summary: Sir Steven Rogers, having risen from common people, now one of the most trusted knights to prince Anthony. You, nothing but a servant, albeit to Princess Maria herself.

Love blooms in any place and it cares little for the rules of the court – much like your Steven. Then again, war cares just as little for any feelings you and your knight might harbour for each other...

Warnings: 18+ for NSFW thoughts, talk and sexy times in making, inexperienced and rather reader, probably desperately era-inaccurate, blood and mention of violence, death, religious ambiguity, tooth-rotting fluff, angst, language, (reader has hair long enough to be braided)

A/N: This is sort-of a song fic for it is based on a Czech song. You can find it here. I took the liberty to loosely translate the lyrics for you throughout the fic.

* A/N: If you prefer reading it in two parts, the best part for a split is after 5,5k words – you will find a gif there. Divider’s mine, btw. Enjoy 🥰

See the full post

451 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #me is not a smut writer #MY YEAR IN REVIEW 😏

3 notes · View notes

white-tulips · 4 years ago

Text

I spent most of this morning continuing playing through the hikikomori route, more of my thoughts below!! (major spoilers ahead!!!!!)

if you haven’t but want to read my first post on my hikikomori playthrough, you can see it [here]!! it’s been a month since I last played any, aha...

I played for quite a few hours earlier but I don’t think I really progressed all that much aha. most of my time went towards grinding and wandering around and seeing little things. oh, and also playing through Orange Oasis. I never actually did that in my first run of the game. it was okay.

I really love how many little details and things to go back to that there are, but I’m still a little bitter at just. how long everything is. I talked about this a lot in my previous post, but it irritates me that the first 15-20 hours (give or take depending on how fast you’re able to blast through this game) is just. exactly the same as what you experience in the main route. especially since now my hikikomori save file is even longer than my main story file, and I think I still have a decent ways to go until I finish. I don’t actually know! I haven’t been spoiled for this route, thankfully, so I don’t really know how much is left. I have a vague idea of a couple areas I need to go to, but that’s about it.

ok, on to my thoughts!! this post is probably just going to be me rambling about tiny details I found interesting since I didn’t progress through much plot stuff, I think.

when I opened up my save file, I. completely forgot what I had been doing a month ago and what I wanted to do next, so I decided to go back to the Last Resort. I don’t know what compelled me to go, but there was a lot of fun stuff there so I’m glad that I did!

I had never tried to use Aubrey to go into the girls’ bathroom before? it was very cute, I liked it. I don’t know why, but as soon as I walked in it really reminded me of Basil. I think it’s all the flowers, photos hanging from the wall, and general soft cutesy vibe. I’m not really sure what to make of that, but it was just my general impression. hmmmm.

I have no words for this other than it just made me amused. go get your vacation, king.

also:

I didn’t know Hero had a confirmed age!! all this time I had been assuming he and Mari were 16 years old, so it’s nice to have something set in stone!

I have no words for these, either. seeing all of the Hero pictures just made me laugh out loud a little I loved it.

when I was standing in Jawsum’s office, I noticed that the elevator behind his desk was shaking. I went to examine it, and was surprised when this was where I ended up.

the black space elevator.

something I completely forgot to mention in my last hikikomori post was black space!! it had completely took me by surprise so I can’t believe I forgot to talk about it.

last time I played and went back to Last Resort, there was a completely black car on the highway and it had really freaked me out. as soon as I clicked on it, instead of giving me some kind of prompt Omori just got in and it drove off. I was so shocked because I wasn’t expecting it fhgjdfhgj. it ended up taking Omori back to one of the black space rooms, and I had no clue what to make of it. I wandered around for a little while, and ended up finding this... friend?

I’m... not sure! who are you......

anyways, so I got in the elevator and we’re back here, now with more spiders.

the spider wasn’t interactable. not sure whether to be upset or relieved.

aaaand then there was this guy in the treehouse. I want to know what these black space NPCs are!!! as soon as I tried to interact with it, the screen glitched out (intentionally) and then it was gone. one day I’ll know what it means.

oh, another thing I spent quite a bit of time doing at the Last Resort-

getting statues made of everyone!! RIP to all of my clams, but these are so cute.

cuuute.

I really liked the comment on Mari’s! it made me happy that it highlighted her playful side.

after I was done reexploring Last Resort, I wanted to go back to Sweetheart’s castle. I was walking through Pyrefly Forest, and I noticed one of the picnic blankets had a cooler open (signaling that you can see a new picnic cutscene) so I went to go sit down and have a picnic.

so, when I was going around earlier and doing some stuff, there were a few picnics that I think I had skipped for some reason so I was doing them and mindlessly skipping through the text for no reason other than it would bother be if I just left them. nothing about the conversations was different even though Basil is here now, so I didn’t think anything would be different for the one in Pyrefly Forest, but I was wrong!! I almost completely skipped through everything aha.

it started off the same, with Hero being scared of the spiders, and then Kel prompted Basil to say something positive to try and make him less scared.

it’s pretty insignificant, but I thought it was interesting that he said pretty much the exact same thing he says in the spider room in black space.

when I got to the castle, I went straight to the library. something about the pattern of going to black space, plus being able to go into the barn in Otherworld, just made me feel like there would be something there. and oh boy was I right. the entire place was crawling with Something.

very good.....

I wasn’t able to get screenshots of them, but there were a couple text popups that really stood out to me. my memory is so bad I can’t remember all of them even though it was only this morning,,, but I’m pretty sure one of them had a popup that was just “Liar.” and I was like HM....

it just really had me thinking....

in my previous post, I mentioned that I had a gut feeling that the Something in the barn was supposed to represent Basil, not Mari. this kind of added fuel to that thought!

the barn in Otherworld was only used in the main route in reference to Basil, with it literally showing Omori a vision of him, and also having Stranger walking into it. now, the library also has a lot of connection to Basil! after picking up one of the keys, it shows us another vision of him, and it’s also littered with egret orchids. I don’t think choosing to have all of these Somethings in both of these places is just a coincidence.

now, about the “Liar.” line. in any fight with Something, if there’s a text popup meant to be Something speaking, it’s always done like this-

with the “???:” to indicate character speech. but the “Liar.” popup was just a standalone line. and it instantly reminded me of this room in black space-

and this just kept making my brain whirl.

in this room, there were all of these popups with “Liar.” and then of course there was-

see here how there also weren’t indications of who was saying ‘liar”, but there was for Something? my idea for this room was always that it was Omori repeating it to himself. because we all know by now that Something is Mari, and her saying “I love you”, especially in this form, is nothing but pure torment. and I think here, we have Omori unwilling to believe it. there’s no way Mari could love him/Sunny. she has to be lying.

soooo then, this brings me back to the library. having the “Liar.” popup there, keeping in consideration that the Somethings there might represent Basil, what could that mean?? it could be in reference to Basil’s words “Everything is going to be okay” because clearly everything is not okay. if all of these Somethings are meant to be Basil, it could fit!!!

... so there’s my long winded theory. idk! I think it makes sense, but I could be wrong!! that’s just my first impressions right now, maybe my thoughts will change when I play more!

moving onto the piano room-

this was when I thought “ohhhh so that’s why the wall always felt hallow. it all makes sense now”

and then I spent the next 30 or so minutes fighting all of the Somethings

I LOVED this. this was the first time a fight was put on a time limit, and since Something was so much more powerful, it felt actually stressful. I was stressed! but I managed to make it with 2-3 turns left, and I didn’t die. I did die about 1 or 2 times to arachnophobia and thalassophobia though F. but it’s okay because I got an achievement and also Omori’s suffocate skill is really good.

anyways I did some more mindless walking around (I had to kill time waiting for all my statues to be built, you know!)

this made me really happy. Big Molio I love you you’re the mvp and you deserve the world.

... looking through my screenshots I wish I could forget this one-

,, do I need to even explain it.

I remember a while ago, I saw someone on twitter post this and iirc the caption was something like “isn’t it a bit morbid to have the jumprope there” and, at the time, I had never gone through Orange Oasis, so seeing that tweet I had the wind knocked out of me. I was just sitting there like “fuuuuuuuuck”. and then I went through Orange Oasis today, saw it again, went “fuuuuuuuuck” and then forgot I screenshot it. it’s just a lot.

okay who knows how I filled the rest of the 6 hours I played because I didn’t take many screenshots of the downtime and running around completing sidequests I never did. the last point of interest today was I had went back to Humphrey.

I didn’t do too much, but I did fight Mutantheart.

I adore her!!!! so cute!!! Mutantheart my beloved.

I lost to her once, because I was a bit confused, but once I caught on to the gimmick of her fight, it was actually pretty easy. rest in peace, queen, I love you...

and then, uh. Her-

I tried 3 times. I didn’t win... all of the characters are maxed leveled at 50, but this is so difficult... well, the first half of the fight I found to be pretty easy, actually. but once she switches into full power mode it’s over. I don’t know how I’m supposed to win. farewell my dream of completing the foe facts book, it was a nice goal while it was realistic.

and then I stopped for the day! I think I needed that month of not playing, because coming back into the game after a lot of my rage and burnout settled was probably best, and I had a lot of fun playing! hopefully it doesn’t take me another month to continue.

if you made it all the way through this post, thank you for reading! I hope you like my thoughts~

I’ll leave on this note-

king shit

#text #omori #omori spoilers

76 notes · View notes

floreleine · 4 years ago

Note

kissing a scar/injury + scarlet & anna may w a supportive floreleine

Hi, thanks for the prompt, and sorry it took me so long! This is now part 4 of my GM prequel fic - if you want to skip 1-3, I also put a summary below the cut.

Part 1 - Floreleine, 1k, G

Part 2 - ScarletMay, 1k, G

Part 3 - Floreleine & ScarletMay

If you are reading this as a standalone, just know that Scarlet just returned to the library with baby Samantha after leaving Anna May for Samantha's father a year ago.

Part 4: (T, no warnings, POV Scarlet)

Scarlet wakes to hear Samantha giggling next to her on the bed. Scarlet opens her eyes to look at her and smiles. Somehow, Samantha has pulled the corner of the bedsheets from the bed and is now happily munching on it.

"Oh, kiddo..." she leans over to tickle her daughter, glad that Samantha's squeals of laughter can distract her while the reality of their situation slowly sinks in as she comes fully awake.

Samuel dead, whoever killed him certainly still out there and possibly after her and her baby... Scarlet herself a single mother now, staying with her ex-girlfriend because she has nowhere else to go... Oh, how low she has sunk.

Stroking over Samantha's short hair and giving her a watery smile, Scarlet then picks her daughter up and grabs the towel Madeleine had placed on the nightstand for her before going to search the bathroom.

Madeleine had explained it all yesterday, but she had also focused more on the baby as well as the different parts of the library than where the facilities were. She didn't mind too much - it's nice to see someone be so enthusiastic around her and Samantha - but now she does wish that she had shown her the living quarters in more detail. She's pretty certain the door opposite hers leads to another bedroom, so she doesn't want to try that one...

As she stands in the doorway too long without moving, Samantha is starting to cry, and Scarlet gently rocks her in her arms to soothe her, but not quickly enough - the door opens, and Florence tiredly squints into the hallway. When she spots Scarlet, she quickly glances behind her before stepping outside and closing the door - Madeleine must still be asleep, then. And they are sleeping in the same room together, probably in the same bed... Scarlet feels a pang in her heart at their casual domesticity, something she only rarely had with Samuel even when they were both at home for any period of time, and next to never with Anna May.

"Everything alright?" Florence asks, and Scarlet hates that she has to swallow before she is able to reply, pressing Samantha a little closer to her chest.

"...I was just wondering where the bathroom is."

"End of the hall, last door on the right," Florence replies, then tilting her head before nodding at Samantha. "Do you need anything..."

She doesn't look like she would really know what to do if Scarlet really did need help, and Scarlet just smiles. "I'm good - thank you."

After taking care of Samantha and washing herself as well, Scarlet sighs when she realises that she forgot to bring any fresh clothes, and the shirt she had been wearing all of yesterday and then also to sleep in really reeks too much for her to voluntarily put it back on.

Wrapping herself in her towel instead, Scarlet picks up Samantha from where she had been attempting to sit up in the towel-padded bathtub-turned-playpen and wants to go back to her room.

She hasn't taken two steps, however, before she runs into Anna May.

"Scarlet," Anna May stares at her like a deer caught in the headlights. "...I didn't realise you were already up."

Scarlet feels her heart plummet. "Sorry, just needed the bathroom - I'll be right out of your hair."

Anna May Shakes her head. "That's not what I meant- I don't want you to leave."

At that, Scarlet feels an entire rollercoaster of emotions, because Anna May doesn't sound like she is just talking about the hallway, about this moment.

"You... don't?"

"No," Anna May starts, but then she is is interrupted by Samantha burbling, demanding Scarlet's attention.

She can't quite interpret Anna May's look as she watches her with her daughter, but then her gaze drifts to the side, to Scarlet's shoulderblades, and she frowns.

"What happened there?"

“Wha- oh,” Scarlet self-consciously touches the scar just under her left shoulder-blade. She had completely forgotten that she is wearing nothing but a towel... Of course, Anna May has seen her in less, but the fact that she has new scars, scars Anna May doesn’t recognise yet, is enough of a reminder of how that sort of intimacy lays in the past for them.

“It’s nothing. It healed well.”

“Like hell is that nothing!” Anna May hisses, sounding almost angry and reaching out to touch the dark scar with a fingertip. “That looks worse than the one on your hip, and –”

Anna May had probably just wanted to imply that she knows how that injury happened, and why it scarred that badly, as a comparison to the equally bad (or yes, maybe worse) scar on her chest, Scarlet thinks – but as her finger touches the new scar on Scarlet’s skin, Anna May freezes, staring at her own hand, and Scarlet suddenly finds it hard to breathe.

She remembers Anna May touching the other scar, touching all old scars on Scarlet’s body, and not just with her hands, but when exploring her body with her mouth, kissing and licking every inch of her when they used to share a bed –

Now, she is touching a new scar for the first time.

At Scarlet's sharp intake of breath, Anna May’s eyes flicker up to meet her gaze. Scarlet isn’t sure what she sees in her eyes, isn’t even sure herself what she is feeling in this moment, but after whatever it is she sees, Anna May leans in and press a chaste kiss to the marred skin.

Scarlet can't suppress a whimper.

The touch of Anna May's lips disappears as quickly as it came, but instead of fully pulling away, she leans her forehead against Scarlet's shoulder, and Scarlet pulls her close with her free arm.

She wants to say something - tell her how glad she is that Anna isn't sending her away, that they are touching again - but she can't think of the words.

"Samantha! No!" the toddler has reached out and buried her hands in Anna May's hair, and Scarlet winces as she tries to extract her little fists as gently as possible from the curls. Anna May snickers a little as she pulls back, and Scarlet looks at her with an apologetic grimace.

"Thanks," Anna May says, and Scarlet shifts her weight from one foot to the other.

"For not letting my daughter scalp you?"

Anna May actually laughs. Scarlet feels something warm settle in her chest at the sound. "That, too. But - for coming here, for still trusting me."

"Of course," Scarlet doesn't know what else to reply.

Anna May smiles, then, careful of Samantha's little hands, she leans in and presses another lingering kiss to Scarlet's scar before she pulls back. "You should get dressed."

Scarlet nods. "We'll talk later?"

Anna May nods, taking a step back to let Scarlet past her, then touching her shoulder before she can go. "I - I don't want you to leave. Here, I mean."

Scarlet smiles. Part of her wants to joke that she figured as much or that Anna May already said so earlier, but she knows they haven't quite reached that level of - of being comfortable with each other yet, not this time around. "I don't want to leave you, either."

Anna May gives a jerky nod, then she gently squeezes Scarlet's arm and lets go. "I - see you around, then."

"Yes - see you."

As Scarlet disappears back in her guest room with her daughter, she feels a lot less alone or like she has hit rock bottom than when she first woke up that day.

Taking prompts!

@phoenixhalliwell @thesevenwondersofawitch another update :)

@katesgaypain I hope you enjoyed your prompt fill as part of this series :D

I'll probably change this story a bit and add to it as well so the parts all fit together properly before posting to Ao3, but it should be up in the next few days :)

#that gm prequel fic #scarletmay #gunpowder milkshake #scarlet x anna may #katesgaypain #lilo writes #mine #my scarletmay #lilo writes fanfic #prompt fic #ask #not f #gm prequel #gunpowder milkshake prequel #gunpowder milkshake fanfic #scarletmay fanfic #gm sam #gm scarlet #gm anna may

15 notes · View notes

palimpsessed · 4 years ago

Text

Thank you for the tags @amywaterwings and @phoxphyre ! I sort of forgot this was Sunday and sharing day 😂

I finally, finally finished part 1 of Chamber by Chamber yesterday 🎉 It’s about 5k longer than planned and still needs to be edited and part 2 will probably get longer as I go back over it for continuity.

I am taking an art break now for my brain and will be good and do some writing for COBB before I start part 3. I want to make sure the whole series is done before I post, even though these are technically standalone.

Anyway. Here is Baz being a besotted boyfriend:

Simon Snow is still a bloody miracle. He’s my miracle. He’s also just as big of a mess as he’s ever been and I couldn’t love him more.

Although, I don’t think that’s true. I don’t think there is an upper limit on my capacity to love him. I certainly keep exceeding it.

If that opening sounds familiar, no it’s doesn’t🤣 I can’t really share more because everything new I have at this point is spoilery or a bit mature.

Six tags: @bazzybelle @nightimedreamersworld @aristocratic-otter @otherworldsivelivedin @wetheformidables @waywardfangirl and anyone who has written actual words for COBB!

#six sentence sunday #my fic #chamber by chamber

10 notes · View notes

grapefruitsketches · 5 years ago

Text

Untamed Spring Fest 2020 - Days 18 & 19: Breath & Journey

Part of my Songxiao post-canon fix-it fic series (this is the “SL Prequel”):

Also available AO3: link

5,540 Words

Songxiao, happy ending (for both of them), canon-compliant, post-canon, hurt/comfort, mentions of canonical major character deaths,

As promised, here is my companion piece to my Day 6: Breeze contribution (though either can be read as a standalone). See the XXC piece at the “XXC Prequel” link above.

Roam this world with Shuanghua, exorcise evil beings alongside Xingchen.

Song Lan had been doing exactly that since he had regained consciousness in Yi City. He drifted from town to town, feeling like he had more in common with the ghosts he was there to disperse rather than the hero the villagers seemed to think he was.

The spirit bag dangled at his side, weightless, lifeless, but he never for a moment forgot its presence. It was everything. He hardly touched Shuanghua, though, feeling guilty for the comfort its companionship brought him. He tried to make up for his partner’s absence - he moved constantly, always looking for the next sign of trouble he could help solve. Fighting became mechanical. Sometimes he felt that the only difference between his day to day life now from his life as a puppet was his choice of target.

Shuanghua had begun to weigh on him. The first time he’d noticed had been after a particularly grueling night hunt, four months into his travels. He had assumed that he had simply been tired, but when he woke up the next day, and had trouble just lifting the sword onto his back as he did each morning, he was knew it must be something else. He tried to figure out what Shuanghua wanted. He used it on a few night hunts, wondering if it was bored. Shuanghua only grew heavier, if anything, after these hunts, and after a few near misses where a parry or attack had failed because of the unusual weight of the sword, he abandoned this theory. All he had accomplished was a feeling of shamelessness in using another cultivator’s sword, especially the one belonging to the man he had wronged so deeply.

He knew he might find an answer if he visited one of the towns governed by a major clan. There were swordsmiths there, ones who seemed to understand the swords they made more intimately than even the cultivators who carried them. He decided that it was not worth the journey, though. Not only was there a chance that an ordinary swordsmith wouldn’t have the skills to evaluate the sword of one of Baoshan Sanren’s disciples, but Song Lan also preferred to avoid major cultivator cities if possible. There was too much risk he would be recognized, that Shuanghua would be recognized, that even if he weren’t recognized, that there would be questions about why a cultivator would carry two swords. Song Lan had never liked being pestered with question, but now that every word would have to be painstakingly carved out in the ground or written on paper, and every answer inevitably something too painful to relive, it would be far worse.

So the sword grew heavier, and Song Lan treated the sword’s moods as an unfortunate but unchangeable fact of his current life.

One day as he was making his way from one small village in Yiling to another, a voice he recognized called out to him.

“M-master Song!”

Sighing, he turned around to face the person who had finally found him after two years of successful avoidance.

Long black robe, disheveled hair hanging loose, and, most tellingly, black veins creeping up his neck. Wen Ning waved and jogged lightly, stopping in a bow just in front of Song Lan. Song Lan bowed instinctively in response, grateful as ever for the automated etiquette he could lean on as he tried to restart the part of his mind that knew how to act around someone from the clans. The manners, he could handle. But Xing-, …others had usually been better than him at resisting provocation if the conversation turned somewhere unpleasant. Though perhaps, he thought wryly to himself, it might be easier to get through these conversations without what Master once called “my sharp tongue.”

The Ghost General smiled, “Strange to meet here, isn’t it?”

Song Lan nodded.

Song Lan remembered being briefly introduced to Wen Ning at the Yiling Supervisory Office, so many years ago. He’d been disoriented, his sight damaged but recovering. He also, vaguely, remembered fighting him in Yi City. But Song Lan had not had a chance or really the will, at that time, to speak with the man, besides to offer a quick bow as an apology for the fight, which Wen Ning had politely returned. The Ghost General was a name he’d heard often in the last two years though. Few villagers knew Wen Ning’s face or even his birth or courtesy name, but almost every town had their own version of the Ghost General - who in one town would be said to come to take children who did not finish their vegetables, and in another, it was an omen of foreboding for any upcoming weddings if someone heard the rattling chains of the Ghost General nearby.

None of the stories matched the pleasant, unassuming man before him.

“I was just passing through. Y-you were too?” Wen Ning asked.

Again, Song Lan nodded.

“Ah.” Wen Ning smiled and shuffled a bit, “I… I heard that I might find you here. Everyone you’ve helped… It’s very impressive!”

Song Lan only smiled and nodded gratefully, wondering briefly if Wen Ning was deliberately keeping his questions to need simple yes or no answers. He did want to ask, though, why Wen Ning sounded like he had been looking for him.

They walked together in silence a while, Song Lan not wanting to pull out Fuxue to keep the conversation going. It was one of those days where Shuanghua was acting up more than usual. Alone, Song Lan had felt free to walk slowly to compensate. Alongside Wen Ning, he hadn’t wanted to show such a weakness, so he tried to keep pace. The weight seemed to grow with every step he took. Soon, it had grown to a point where he would either have to stop, or, more shamefully, collapse on the path under Shuanghua’s weight. The former option sounded slightly more appealing.

Song Lan veered off the path and leaned against a tree, catching his breath but keeping his face passive. He gently took Shuanghua off and laid it gently against the trunk.

Wen Ning quickly realized that he had lost his walking companion and turned to look quizzically, first at Song Lan, then, eyes widening, at Shuanghua leaning on the tree, even while Fuxue was still strapped comfortably to the cultivator’s back.

“Master Song!” Wen Ning cried, hurrying over, “Are you ok?”

Song Lan nodded, but knew his heavy breathing gave him away. He closed his eyes, hoping he might be lucky enough that Wen Ning would take this to be a perfectly normal nap, with no further questions.

Wen Ning frowned, “… I know we… we’re not friends.” Wen Ning’s head leaned one way, then another as he considered each word, “We don’t really know each other… but…” he sighed, “what happened in Yi City,” Wen Ning’s eyes widened as Song Lan flinched at the words, “Sorry, I just mean, well.” He breathed deeply, “This is obvious to everyone else but I think you might need to hear it. It… it wasn’t your fault.”

Song Lan’s eyes snapped open to look at Wen Ning, brows furrowed. Of course he didn’t blame himself, of course he knew that that man… that monster had been truly responsible. But that didn’t mean he denied his responsibility for his role in what had happened to his cultivation partner. If not for his cruel words, Xingchen wouldn’t have been there in the first place. If not for Song Lan’s incompetent interference, Xingchen might have continued as he was, tricked, but alive and happy even if in ignorance. Song Lan reached for Fuxue, suddenly not feeling so burdened by the prospect of writing in the dirt.

What wasn’t?

Wen Ning smiled. “I don’t know, Master Song, but I think you do.”

Song Lan huffed in frustration, adding next to his first message, He was alone and blind because of me.

“Was he?” Wen Ning asked gently, meeting Song Lan’s eyes.

I sent him away. He saved me. Song Lan’s eyes had started to tear up as he wrote, I couldn’t even manage to warn him without getting him, Song Lan couldn’t bring himself to write what had happened to Xingchen after all the love and kindness he had put out into the world, had given to Song Lan.

He remembered the moment he had rounded that corner in Yi City, A-Qing by his side. His eyes had, of course, first landed on Xiao Xingchen. His smile. His laughter. The comfortable life he seemed to be living without Song Lan by his side. He had almost turned and walked away there, willing to set aside his own feelings if Xiao Xingchen was happy. If Song Lan had lost him and Xingchen had moved on without feeling that he had lost Song Lan, maybe that was the most just outcome. But then he realized that there was also something familiar about the second voice coming from those steps. With some difficulty, he pulled his eyes away from the beautiful man he’d once had the honour of sharing every day with, the moon to Song Lan’s cold winter nights. And had felt a jolt like a stab to the chest as he recognized the figure sitting beside Xingchen. In that moment of realization, everything had changed.

Xiao Xingchen had been lured right into a trap, one that couldn’t have worked if Song Lan hadn’t abandoned him, leaving him to walk alone when he could most use a trusted partner by his side.

And newly armed with the knowledge of how bad the situation was, Song Lan had made every wrong move in the moments that followed.

By now, the tears were flowing freely. Wen Ning awkwardly pet him on the back.

“I used to blame myself for my family and sister’s deaths.” Wen Ning said quietly.

Song Lan looked to him in confusion. He had heard many stories about Wen Ning, ones he believed and ones he hadn’t, but despite all the fightening tales of the Ghost General, despite the excited whispers he had overheard years ago when he travelled with XIngchen about the grisly fates of the remaining Wen clan members, he’d never heard a story that cast the Ghost General as the executioner.

“She was always protecting me, always fixing my mistakes.” Wen Ning smiled sadly, “She thought that if we both turned ourselves in, that that would protect our family. But instead, I survived, she died, and no one even paused before attacking our family.” Wen Ning sighed, “I used to wonder if it would have been better if I had gone to Lanling alone. If Master Wei and Jiejie hadn’t protected me, saved me until then, they probably wouldn’t have died. She was so strong,” a tear fell from Wen Ning’s eye even as he smiled at the thought of his sister, “If she hadn’t come with me, hadn’t tried to make up for what I’d done, maybe she could have protected the rest of our family and they would all still be alive today.”

Song Lan was shaken. He remembered Wen Qing, too, from his days in recovery. She had been gentle, but stern. He had no doubt she was as strong as Wen Ning described. He had also heard talk, not too long ago, that it was now common knowledge that Wen Ning had not been in control when he had killed the Jin heir. That Wen Ning blamed himself for his sister’s fate… Wen Qing had not struck Song Lan as someone who would step back as other people stepped up. He couldn’t imagine a scenario where she would simply bid her brother farewell and watch him face the consequences for actions he couldn’t have prevented.

“I-I think she blamed herself, that she thought I was her responsibility, so if I did something wrong or something bad happened to me, it was because of her,” Wen Ning said, “I should have known that the consequences for anything I did would end up on her.”

Song Lan carved harshly into the dirt, the cuts so deep and so large it might take several rainfalls before they disappeared completely NOT YOUR FAULT.

Wen Ning looked at the marks, and smiled, “I know that now. It took me a long time, but I know others will make choices that you don’t like that you can’t control sometimes, will try to protect you from the world as if you can’t be trusted to make your own choices.” He looked hard into Song Lan’s eyes, “Do you understand?”

You and Xingchen didn’t do anything wrong.

Wen Ning nodded, then gently added, “And neither did my sister. And neither did you. It’s good to try and protect people you care about but…” Wen Ning paused as though searching for the words, “but you shouldn’t blame yourself just because they end up in trouble, even if you think there was a way you could have prevented it.”

Song Lan let his back slide down the tree, collapsing on the ground, unsure if it was the aftereffects of carrying Shuanghua, this conversation, or simply the amount of spiritual energy he had put into those last few lines but he was exhausted all of the sudden. He gripped the bag dangling from his hip, detaching it and pulling it to his chest. It still felt empty, but it brought him some comfort.

He had one more question, though, Why are you here? He wrote, tracing the characters with his finger in the soft dirt, not wanting to lift Fuxue again.

“Oh, yes! I have a message from Master Wei.” Wen Ning said, clearing his throat, “He said to find you and tell you…” Wen Ning worked his way methodically through the sentence, and Song Lan was confident that this was almost word for word what Wei Wuxian had told him to say, “to tell you that he has a theory for something that might work for Master Xiao.”

Any drowsiness forgotten, Song Lan scrambled to his feet, his sudden grip of Wen Ning’s shoulder making his meaning clear enough without the need for any more writing.

Wen Ning nodded, confirming that Song Lan had heard correctly, “He said that once you’re your spirits are healed, you should come see him in the Cloud Recesses, and he can try something. He said he couldn’t know if it would work,” Wen Ning shrugged, “but I don’t think he was sure about me either.”

Now Song Lan did reach for his sword, How do I heal Xingchen’s spirit? He wrote, clutching the spirit bag firmly to his heart as he did so.

Wen Ning shook his head, “I’ve been trying to explain, I’m just not very good at it,” he breathed out, “You can’t.”

The adrenaline, the hope that Song Lan had so eagerly grabbed on to evaporated. He felt like he might faint. If Wen Ning was anyone else, Song Lan might have drawn his sword on him for this, but Wen Ning’s face was neutral. It did not tease, did not make light, this man did not seem like he had a malicious bone in him. A part of Song Lan wondered if that was why Wei Wuxian had chosen him to bring this message - to boast about his innovation, without risking Song Lan’s frustration with its insufficiency. But Wei Wuxian didn’t seem the type to do that either. So why bother telling him at all?

“He has to,” Wen Ning provided gently, “All you can do is try your best to work on healing yourself and support him if you can. Just like you’re already doing.”

Wen Ning pointed at his chest, at the spirit bag being hugged like a lifeline.

Healing myself? I am well.

Wen Ning tilted his head, looking Song Lan over, “I don’t know if you are. But I think you will be.” Wen Ning continued, “You do remind me a bit of… of my sister. Always thinking of others. Always protecting others. And I’d like to think, if she were in your place, she would take a break, just for a little bit, and just… do what she wanted to do for herself.” Wen Ning smiled, “I don’t know if she ever had the chance to do that, but if you do, maybe I can believe she did too.”

Song Lan still looked skeptically at Wen Ning, reattaching the spirit bag to his side but not letting go.

“We’ve both been used as puppets. We, more than anyone, should know that there are sometimes things we do that we can’t be blamed for. And if there were one thing I could tell my sister if I had the chance, I would want her to know she was allowed to live her own life too, that the worst part of bad things happening to me was never what was happening to me, but was worrying about how she might hurt herself to fix it.”

The words resonated in Song Lan’s head as he processed them. He looked down to the spirit bag. If there was a chance - even a chance - that Xingchen could come back, he would do everything he could to be sure that Song Lan would be the person Xingchen needed, not just a guilt-ridden protector, but a true partner.

The two parted ways not long after that, Shuanghua mysteriously lighter when Song Lan picked it back up. Song Lan wondered whether his conversation with Wen Ning would have happened if the sword had not been so heavy before. It seems it might have encouraged him, coaxed him into having his first conversation about Yi City since his departure from that cursed place. Not forced, not threatened, just gently guided him into making a choice that ended up being right for him.

Song Lan had decided to make the long journey to the place where he and Xingchen had first met, a quiet town not far from Baixue Temple. He knew many of the people in the town, so any stranger was remarkable, but he had been especially curious as to why such a man would be buying enough food to serve a small banquet. He had followed Xingchen around a corner into a dark alley. Song Lan had hidden in the shadows and watched as the man had knocked on a door Song Lan had never noticed before. The door soon opened to the sounds of wailing children and a very tired looking woman. Song Lan hadn’t been close enough to hear the conversation, but he did see the food, all except a tiny portion, handed across the threshold to the thankful woman inside. Xingchen had smiled, his beautiful, heart-shattering smile, then turned to leave the way he came.

Song Lan had realized too late that there would be no way Xingchen would pass him without seeing him there, and leaving the alleyway at a run would be even more suspicious, so he had stepped out and greeted the man who would soon become the dearest person to him in the world.

“I saw what you did there. That was kind of you.”

Xingchen had simply smiled that gentle smile of his, held out the little food he had left and said, “Would you like some as well?”

Now, Song Lan passed by the same alleyway, the town, still so familiar, had had enough changes to make it feel a little uncanny. He wondered vaguely what had happened to all those children, who would by now (hopefully) be healthy, happy adults.

Before he fully realized what he was doing, he bought some food from the same stand Xingchen had visited all those years ago, from a man who looked like a carbon copy of the previous vendor, though with a rounder jaw. Song Lan followed the same path he had all those decades ago, found the little door, and knocked.

When the door opened, a man just as disheveled as the woman had been back then stood there, looking confused. Unable to speak, unwilling to write, and unsure how to put his reasons for being here into words, Song Lan simply bowed, handed the food to the bewildered but cautiously thankful man, and left. He laughed at himself - what a ridiculous thing to have done. This simple gesture - one without fighting, done without guilt, without a drive to do anything but the things he thought might make him happy, might make someone else happy, would remind him of his fondest memories, even though it might have left the man confused, left him glowing inside. He felt full though if he, unlike Xingchen, had forgotten to retain any of the food for himself. The warmth of the glow travelled from his heart and radiated outwards, a small smile formed on his face, and as he felt himself relax through the very ends of his fingers, Shuanghua lighter than ever. He felt a slight quiver at his side.

Eyes widening, he reached down and pulled the spirit pouch up to his face, peering closely at it. Was it… fuller than before? He wasn’t sure if it was his imagination, but something certainly felt different about the pouch. He held it close to his cheek, and as he did, felt a soft vibration in the cloth, no more noticeable than if a moth had flapped its wings inside, but definitely there.

Xingchen. Xingchen, I’ve got you. He wanted to say, And I know you’ve got me. He moved the pouch to his chest, hugging it tight, hoping the meaning might come through to whatever form his Xingchen took right now. I know we’ll get through this together.

A year passed, a year in which Song Lan learned more about himself than he had ever allowed before. He had grown restless after three months of walking through various places and memories, eager to get back to his work protecting the innocent wherever trouble arose.

Gradually, he felt lighter. He had learned he could take breaks, and was greatly rewarded when he did so. He felt Xingchen’s pouch shift and saw it glow more and more frequently and dramatically over time, most reliably whenever Song Lan paused to relax, to take in the little things. A patch of flowers at the side of the road. Children who played, laughing through markets. And, though this had taken the longest to prompt anything but a deep ache in his core, couples walking side by side, hand in hand, taking in the scenery but turning again and again back to each other.

He visited Wen Ning sometimes, to ask advice, to see how he was doing. It felt good to have someone who understood, a much needed anchor to this world while his world still fought to reassemble himself at his side. Besides, Wen Ning was training himself to carry on his clan’s legacy of healing, and Song Lan was not immune to the occasional need for medical attention, and no longer felt that healing needed to be put off until all the other work was done. Wen Ning was especially excited to discuss the books on mind healing he had found in some books he had found, hidden for years in Dafan Mountain.

Song Lan was sure that Xingchen was healing, but in the meantime, despite the glows and quivers of the spirit bag, Song Lan still felt very alone. He felt the loneliness less as time went on, as he allowed himself to spend more time celebrating victories with villagers, more time enjoying the world around him, more time reminding himself that he had friends still in this world. The loneliness could not be chased away, and though they had dampened, he still experienced pangs of guilt some mornings as he put Shuanghua onto his back, or brushed against the spirit pouch, or if his mind wandered to thoughts of Yi City, the one place he and Xingchen had both visited that he refused to return to. These feelings were still there, would never truly disappear, he thought, but as he took more time to pursue the paths he wanted to follow, to protect himself if he stumbled into dangerous situations, he began to feel, despite his loneliness, whole.

After another full year, one full of more joy than Song Lan remembered in the last 20 years since he had come home for his Master’s birthday, but a year not free of nights weeping over the sword and pouch he carried, not free of moments where he reviewed every detail of events from their first encounter with Xue Yang to Song Lan’s last moments with Xiao Xingchen and told himself all the things he should have done differently, all the moments that could have changed everything. But these moments grew more distant, shallower with time. Song Lan continued his visits with Wen Ning, who never failed to share some proud story about his nephew, who by Wen Ning’s account, was shaping up to be the top cultivator of his generation. Song Lan, in return, brought back the slowly shifting tales of the Ghost General he heard whispered through villages - that if you stood in a certain spot under a full moon, the Ghost General might enter your dreams, giving you advice sure to bring you good fortune. Song Lan had never revealed the source of these rumours, but he was sure Wen Ning had his suspicions. They had both been near dead, had both lost nearly everything, but were both managing, were both happy, even.

The one thing Song Lan wished for in the quiet hours, the thing he on some level had always known would come, even before he’d been told it was possible, came on a quiet night, a quiet night with a full moon, wind gentle on Song Lan’s face. He was sitting on a hill, alone, simply enjoying the feel of the breeze on his face, the spirit pouch sitting on his lap as it often did on such nights, when the pouch moved. It was not violent, not trembling. It seemed almost purposeful, the bag expanding, and in doing so, shifting closer to Song Lan’s hand, which rested on his thigh. On contact with his hand, the bag began to glow. Not the gentle flickering it had produced in the past, but a steady, yellow shine, strong and… and… healed.

All thoughts of a quiet night evaporated as Song Lan grunted in surprise, brought the bag to his chest and squeezed it tight, willing his love and support through as hard as he could. He touched Shuanghua, trying to communicate softly that the one they had been waiting for might be here soon.

He stood on Fuxue, and crossed valleys, mountains, towns, all the way to Gusu, far faster than he would have previously thought possible.

After flying nonstop all night, he arrived at the gates of the Cloud Recesses just as the guards were starting their duty for the day. The white and blue disciples blinked and exchanged a glance at the panting cultivator who had just landed on the steps, who had bowed politely, but urgently at each of them in turn. One of the guards opened his mouth to ask this unannounced guest who he was, but another, looking open-mouthed at the two very recognizable swords strapped to the man’s back, cut the first off.

“Get Hanguang-Jun,” this second guard commanded, and the first nodded, setting off up the steps.

Hanguang-Jun was at the gates in a matter of minutes, his neutral, cold look melting into something softer when he caught sight of the unbreakable smile on Song Lan’s face.

“You are both ready.” Hanguang-Jun did not phrase it as a question, but Song Lan nodded anyway. Hanguang-Jun mirrored the nod in response, said, “Come,” and turned to walk back up the stairs. Song Lan obliged. He was hardly absorbing anything that was going on around him, focused more on the stirring spirit, the life, at his side to take in any of the serene beauty of the residence.

“Lan Zhaaan, what could be so urgent that I had to be up before 9?” Wei Wuxian’s voice rang loud and clear through the quiet of the Cloud Recesses as they reached the main residences.

Wei Wuxian had come out of a room rubbing his eyes. Song Lan vaguely noted that the room was called (in the state he was in, he only just prevented himself from laughing giddily at someone of Wei Wuxian’s temperament ever being in such a place) the Jingshi.

“Wei Ying.” Hanguang-Jun drew the other man’s attention to their visitor.

“Song Lan!” Wei Wuxian bounded over, all talk of exhaustion gone. He looked down at the pouch Song Lan still clutched to his chest, at its fullness, at its glow, and at Song Lan’s peaceful look of genuine happiness, of profound hope.

Wei Wuxian smiled. “I think this will work.”

It took some time to gather what they needed. Wen Ning was summoned to retrieve Xiao Xingchen’s body. Wei Wuxian prepared the necessary space and talismans, and also Song Lan, who, the Yiling Patriarch explained, was key to this whole process.

“It’s your eyes.” Wei Wuxian explained with a smile, “I can’t usually revive the dead after so long but then I realized… Xiao Xingchen still lives. By continuing to live and breathe, you kept his body alive and connected to this world while he worked on his soul.”

Within a week, they were ready. Song Lan had almost cried when Wen Ning had arrived carrying the limp body of the man thought about so often during the years, but refused to visit precisely because he didn’t want to see him like this. They laid Xiao Xingchen’s body on a bed in a guest room.

Song Lan knelt by the bed and opened the bag that had been by his side all this time. He was only faintly aware of the flute and guqin music playing in the background. As instructed, Song Lan looked into the bag, then slowly drew his gaze from the soft, beautiful glow, to the equally beautiful but horrifyingly still form on the bed. The glow followed along the path of his gaze as if pulled along by a string. The spirit entered Xingchen’s chest.

Silence, but for the flute and guqin music.

Song Lan’s heart seized, the last week’s high yielding to a sudden fear - what if, after all this, this didn’t work? It was only experimental. Wei Wuxian had never done this before. No one had ever done this before. He knew he would live even if this failed, but that almost made it worse. What if…

A finger twitched. Hands moved.

Song Lan’s eyes widened. He had never missed his tongue more. He wanted to be able to say something to Xingchen. To tell him he was there. That they were together, had been all this time, but now could finally touch and share in each other’s worlds again, be truly home again. He ended up communicating all this the only way he knew how, by throwing himself over the stirring white robed man and sobbing.

Xingchen’s mouth opened and let out a breath, held for 20 years, carrying with it two gentle syllables, “Zichen.” His chest rose and fell. Two pink spots grew on the clean white cloth covering the place where the eyes now living in Song Lan’s head had once been. Red began to drip down the sides of Xingchen’s face. His arm reached up, towards Song Lan. One arm, then the other, found the man who had remembered him, carried him, loved him, for so long. “Zichen” the newly revived man repeated. The music stopped, and Song Lan understood that the other two, who understood what this moment meant probably better than anyone, had given them the time and space they so desperately wanted.

Song Lan’s heart swelled at the sound of his name, at the name he had refused to even introduce himself with since he had left the side of the man who said it best. He held the other man closer, a person not just a spirit but a full person, gloriously alive, healthy, and happy in his arms. That they were both so complete, that they had both struggled to get to this point through their own efforts, that they had each done so with but not relying on the other’s support, only made their reunion that much sweeter. They were not two halves making one whole, but two wholes making a loving pair.

They could not stay there forever. That was for certain. And until they figured something else out, Song Lan couldn’t say the things he wanted to say unless they brought someone into this space to interpret. But for now, being here with Xingchen in his arms, that didn’t matter. For now, each other’s touch, their embrace, their tears, said everything that needed to be said. For now, every moment together, every breath together, felt like a new forever they would protect together.

Next: Chapter 1 of my post-Songxiao reunion fic

#untamed spring fest #the untamed #cql #songxiao #song lan #wen ning #xiao xingchen #casually sprinkles in a wn as therapist headcanon #Also I'm planning the last fic in this series of songxiao post canon standalones for day 24!#my writing #songxiao fix it series

56 notes · View notes

thathawaiianchick · 5 years ago

Text

addendum to my wolfstar fic recc

i have too many favs, and also i straight up forgot some of these in the first post

sorted from shortest to longest, series at the bottom

Reminder that JKR has disappointed me supremely, but fan works will hold my love forever :)

if i think of more i guess i’ll do a part 3.

STANDALONES:

1. the gossamer years by blanketed_in_stars

Beneath him, Sirius lies like a painting on the starched sheets, dark against the white and darker for the shadows between his bones. (648 words)

2. Adagio by lupinely

Remus wonders if Sirius knows. For the first time, he thinks—maybe he doesn’t.

[First war / lie low at Lupin’s. They never said “I love you.”] (6k)

3. The Prodigal by MidnightMarauder

Sirius returns from beyond the veil and makes an unexpected appearance at The Burrow on Christmas Day. (Alternate version of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’s Chapter 16 - A Very Frosty Christmas) (7k)

4. Hold On to Whatever You Find by fallovermelikestars

“…he hadn’t planned to jump Sirius’ bones almost as soon as he walked through the door, had actually planned to fix him a square meal and then set about avoiding him for a few days – or forever – but he’d been marinating in whiskey for over an hour and Sirius had fucking smiled at him as he pushed the door closed behind him and that smile, it’s always been Remus’s undoing.” (10.1k)

5. Synergy by remuslives23

Synergy: the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. (13.5k )

6. The Long Road Home by veeagainst

When Sirius falls through the veil, he discovers that the other side is a different place entirely. This is the story of how he made his way back home. (14.9k)

7. watching stars collide by hydianway

Remus and Sirius, a flat in the colder seasons of 1981, and how everything falls apart.

Then, a cottage on the edge of a cliff in the early summer of 1995 as they put it back together again. (17.3k)

8. Face with a View by le_mru

It all rather feels like Remus is on a journey where he only discovers what the stops are just as he’s forcibly pulled over. He’s not sure where he’s going but it seems rather clear it’s nowhere good. Sirius has got a hole in his memory the size of Yorkshire, but he’s still here, he’s alive and kicking, like the bloody Count of Monte Cristo.

A story of break-down and restoration in two parts. (18.3k)

9. You’re My Kaleidoscope by (orphan_account)

When Remus wakes up to find a baby on his doorstep, he has no idea what to do. Especially when it turns out the baby has come from a drunken one-night-stand. With no idea what to do, Remus is surprised the moment his two neighbours decide to step in and help him raise the baby. All is well–for a year, until Teddy’s birth mother’s sudden return, and then the fight for Remus to keep his family together begins. (25k)

10. Mending Bridges by 1electricpirate

The story of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin started with a fight - and kept on going. It is mostly the story of two tempers colliding, but there is love to be found even amongst the most broken of bridges. (29,7k)

11. living is easy with eyes closed by imgladimback

shifts at the coffee shop were lily evan’s usual. tesco meal deals, men’s jumpers and accidentally eating a whole bar of cadbury’s were the usual. a one night stand wasn’t. a baby certainly was not.

features a trip to wales with all the family, more singing than regulas expected, a few mentions of colin firth and sirius in full drag at the hospital.

she deserves that bar of chocolate now. (30k)

12. Far Away the Stars by (oprhan_account)

“Oh hell, what a pair we make,” Remus said, and Sirius threw his head back and laughed.

“Truest statement I’ve heard in a long time.” Sirius bowed his head. “I don’t care about people easily. But you’re like a fucking tidal wave, Moony. You just short of showed up and swept me away and I gave up trying to fight it.”

Remus fought back the urge to grab him and pull him down and just have him right there because they hadn’t got that far yet. “And here I thought you just didn’t like me. Who knew?” ( 35.7K)

13. The Life In Your Years by FivePips

Remus is a busy single dad and Lily is going back to work, so he’s about to face some problems with child care. Thankfully, Lily and James have a solution – their old friend has just moved back from The States and is looking to do something while he gets his affairs in order. Of course, things don’t go smoothly for a number of different reasons.

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln (36K)

14. Beyond the Veil by Atalan

Set after OotP. Trapped in a world where he can be neither seen nor heard, Sirius Black struggles to communicate to his friends that he may not be as dead as they think he is… and that something dreadful lurks beyond the veil. ( 42.6k )

15. The Way Back to Daylight by trailingoff

Remus will do anything to see Sirius again. (44.2k)

16. The Grim Watch by skyrat

Nobody warned Sirius how awkward coming back from the dead could be.

In exchange for saving him, Hermione gave Sirius only one instruction: “We can’t interfere,” she insisted. “If anyone finds out you’re alive before the right time it will ruin everything.” Too bad that Sirius Black was never very good at respecting rules.

Of course, if he had followed the rules, he wouldn’t have discovered that Remus Lupin has apparently taken his death rather badly. (61.8k)

SERIES:

17. sorry about the blood on your mouth by berhanes(sqvalors)

(works 2)

A study of grief, of guilt, of fractured men.

Remus/Sirius angst in a vaguely chronological order. (11k)

18. Second Spin by xinasvoice

(3 works)

In which Sirius gets a lot of second chances. (77.8k)

19. Anthology of a World Unseen by secretbeatheroes

(works 3)

A multi-part series following Harry, Remus, and Sirius from November 1981 to October 2031. The first part is saving Sirius and Harry, told almost entirely from Remus’ perspective. The second through eighth will be Harry’s Hogwarts years. After that we’ll explore the aftermath of the Wizarding Wars with Harry as auror-turned-professor, Remus as a commissioner for the “truth and reconciliation” committee, and Sirius as a Kept-But-Not-Captive Man and unwilling substitute transfiguration teacher. I’ve got it all lined out but not chronologically finished so bear with me! (85.9K)

#hp #harry potter #wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #killing sirius was not punk rock jk rowling #NOR REMUS #as i said before #killing sirius and remus is the BAREST reason to want to punch jkr in the face #again i have like none of these bookmarked but i love them anyway #again this only took like an hour...#ill prolly have to make another other one because ive rushed both times hehehe #wolfstar fic rec #part 2 hehe #fic rec

35 notes · View notes

broadway-book-badger · 5 years ago

Text

Let’s talk about books

Back in the day, about three years ago, I went through a phase of posting monthly write-ups of what I’d been reading on here. In these trying times there seems to be a little bit more time for reading, plus escapism and procrastination are always fun, so I though I’d share a few recommendations. There’s a few different genres (amazingly, hardly any YA fantasy), and I’ve mostly read these in the last year or so. I’ve kept my thoughts as spoiler free as I can. Read them under the cut.

1. The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins

Everyone and their mother has read The Hunger Games. I have read The Hunger Games before. But, a couple of weeks ago, I reread the trilogy for the first time since my first reading, which was around Christmas 2011. And to be perfectly honest, these books hold up! I think maybe it’s because I read so many not so good dystopian YA novels after I first read the Hunger Games that I thought less of this trilogy, but I don’t know. This is a solid series. If you’ve never revisited it (or if you’ve never read it at all), now could be the time! I love the fast paced writing - once things kick off, they do not stop and I burned through the whole trilogy in about three days. The world building is decent, and it doesn’t back away from some pretty heavy stuff. I remember certain scenes being much more gory, but that’s probably just because I’ve read much worse in the past 9 years. Also being older, I appreciate Katniss as a character a lot more. I remember 13-year old me getting annoyed, but now I kind of like that she is allowed to be confused about her feelings and struggle with what she’s been through and generally be a pawn rather than a flawless 16-year old rebel commander as seen elsewhere. The love triangle also isn’t as bad as I remember, although I was reminded of my own love for Peeta. Some people complain that he’s boring, but I think he’s a lovely boy.

2. The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

I’ve been wanting to read this since I saw someone on the internet pitch this as something along the lines of “The queer dragon fantasy epic you’ve been waiting for.” I did a lot of waiting for it to come out in paperback, because it is an absolute behemoth over 800 pages, and while incredibly pretty, the hardback was just too big. It was, however, well worth the wait. I haven’t read a ton of adult fantasy, because a lot of it is so big, but this was a good place to start, because the writing style is pretty easy to read and also its a standalone, so the story is told by the end, it’s not the first of like 6 800 page bricks. While the plot and the characters and the love story between a queen and her handmaiden who’s a badass sorceress in disguise are all enjoyable, the thing I loved the most was the worldbuilding. I love the time and effort that was spent developing the religions and mythologies of all the different kingdoms and how they clash in ways such as different takes on the legend of St George and the dragon, and the contrast Western dragons as monsters to be slain by knights vs benevolent Eastern dragons that kind of echoes real world mythology. I saw one review of this describing ‘Priory’ as ‘a feminist successor to Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones.’ While I think you could definitely say that that is the case, I would say that equally being more feminist than either of those titles is not a particularly high bar, given that there are only about 5 named women in the whole of Middle Earth, and most of the women in Game of Thrones are assaulted and brutalized for no good reason.

3. Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

This book made me so happy, you have no idea. An enemies to friends to lovers story about the son of the first female American president and the Prince of England, that reads kind of like fanfiction but in the best possible way is exactly what the world needs right now. Everything about this book is delightful, from the characters to their relationships to the pseudo-alternate history that its set in. I think the thing that increased my enjoyment of this is the fact that the main characters are in their early twenties. It seems to me that most protagonists, regardless of genre are either 16 or pushing 30, and while I still enjoy their stories, there was just something infinitely more relatable about a character the same age as me. If anyone knows of any more books with characters in this age range, please let me know, because they seem few and far between. Back to this, however, I think I was grinning like an idiot through most of this book. I laughed, I may have shed a little happy tear, I fully recommend.

4. The Broken Earth Trilogy by N K Jemisin

Another foray into adult fantasy, this is such a good series. The books aren’t too long and the writing style is easy to digest, but it is DARK. It’s set in a world which experiences apocalyptic natural disasters every couple of centuries. There are people with powers that can help control this, but they’re super oppressed and treated as evil, rather than potential saviours. The story follows a woman searching for her missing daughter in the wake of an apocalypse, a young girl coming into her powers and others, and it is so well done. It’s such a unique and diverse world, and there are some great reveals as to why the story is being told the way that it is, as well as interesting takes on things like living vs surviving and systems of oppression.

5. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

An aging and reclusive Hollywood star decides that the time has come to share her life story to an unknown journalist and it’s amazing. This is so well done that its easy to forget while reading that Evelyn Hugo is not a real person and you cannot go and watch her films. I first heard about this book and thought it sounded interesting, as I have a love of Old Hollywood musicals. I then promptly forgot all about it, until I heard other people on the internet talking about how it had a bisexual protagonist, which both reminded me about it and made me want to read it more and here we are. Evelyn Hugo had a hell of a life, with seven husbands and another great love story, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading about it. This book does a great job at showcasing both the glamour and less glamorous underside of the era, as well as the lengths people are willing to go. It also had me sobbing at 1am because I couldn’t put it down, and if that isn’t the mark of a quality book, I don’t know what is!

6. Circle of Friends by Maeve Binchy

A coming-of-age story following two childhood friends as they move from their small town to Dublin for University in the 1950s. Quite a chunky book, but a lovely story and I found it read pretty quickly. As I was saying about Red, White and Royal Blue, it’s rare to find books about characters of this sort of age range. Equally rare I think are books with a university setting - the only others I can think of are Fangirl, the Magicians and the Secret History - any recommendations, let me know! I enjoyed the characters growing and finding their confidence and independence, as well as the period setting. I also greatly appreciated the ending, in terms of the main character’s love interest, as it’s something that you don’t often see in this type of book. I may have to read more by this author.

7. Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton

This is one of those books that I just happened to read at the perfect time in my life, and for that reason it means a lot to me. I read it at the very end of 2018, when I was feeling really down and not myself, and something in there just spoke to me and maybe gave a little perspective. I don’t read much non-fiction and this is just the memoirs of someone as she navigates her teens and twenties. I can see why someone might not like it, but I really did. There’s some relatable content in here. As the book went on and I read all these parts about bad dates and third-wheeling friends, I kept waiting for the part where she said, ‘but then I met so-and-so and it all changed’ but that NEVER happened. By the end of this book, this woman is still single and praising all the types of non-romantic love in her life, and that I think is a bit of a revelation. It is so rare for a woman to stay single at the end of a book (see every YA love triangle ever, even when both boys are terrible), and so this resonated deeply with me. I laughed, I cried, I go back and reread bits every so often, and I wholeheartedly recommend.

8. Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare

There are those who say that Cassandra Clare needs to stop, but I wholeheartedly disagree. As long as she wants to keep writing Shadowhunter books, I will keep reading them, because they are a hell of a lot of fun. I’ll admit, bits of the OG Mortal Instruments series aren’t the best thing I’ve ever read, but the historical series are in another league altogether. I adore the Infernal Devices trilogy, which features one of the few good love triangles in YA, and Chain of Gold is a promising start to a new series about the children of the Infernal Devices characters. I think there’s something about the historical setting that just works so much better than the modern series, it could be the angst that comes from things like marriages of convenience and ruined reputations, but I digress. I really enjoyed getting to know this new cast of characters, while also getting some appearances from old favourites. The plot was solid too, and I liked the new expansions to the mythology, while wondering what they mean for what’s coming in the rest of this trilogy. I think the fact that I read this in less than 48 hours, mostly sitting in the same spot tells you everything you need to know.

#booklr #books #reading #the priory of the orange tree #chain of gold #the seven husbands of evelyn hugo #lizzy reads

13 notes · View notes