#I had to fight for my life In every prior run but the minute I say ‘Gortash is my man this run’

[passionesolja]

Astarion’s approval rating when I’m actively tryna date him

Astarion’s approval rating when Idgaf what he thinks and I ain’t tryna date him

[dixons-sunshine]

Through The Good Times And The Bad | Young!Daryl Dixon x Young!Fem!Reader

Summary: Of everything Daryl wanted to do with you, fighting certainly wasn't on that list. However, in every relationship, there was bound to be disagreements, but Daryl didn't know if you'd forgive him for what he had said. It took one night for him to realise that you weren't going anywhere.

Genre: Angst to fluff.

Era: Pre outbreak.

Part of the Shopping Spree, Hangout Dreams universe.

Warnings: Like one swear word, self deprecating thoughts.

Word count: 1.1k

A/n: Here's this short fic to make up in advance for the few days that it's gonna take me to write the fic that won the poll. Not gonna reveal too much about it, but it's called "I Never Lived For The Applause". I'll let your minds run wild with that.

As always, my requests are open for any TWD requests, as well as Scud Frohmeyer requests.

—

Stupid. That's what Daryl Dixon thought of himself. What he'd been thinking of himself for a whole week at that point. Stupid for lashing out at you. Stupid for what he called you. Stupid for not approaching you for an entire week. Stupid for not falling to his knees and apologising, begging for your forgiveness.

Sleep eluded him completely that night. How could he let that happen? How could he ruin the one good thing in his life? You'd been there for him since you moved to the trailer park when you were both merely twelve years old. You were his best friend, now his girlfriend, and he'd seemingly messed it all up in a matter of minutes.

Looking back, Daryl knew that he had been in the wrong. You were simply trying to help him, to reassure him that he didn't need his brother's approval, and he'd lashed out at you. He'd said some nasty things that someone as sweet and caring as you didn't deserve, all because you told him that he didn't have to help Merle with some stupid drug deal. He had seemingly damaged your relationship, in the end only to tell Merle no anyway.

Daryl scoffed to himself and turned over, wincing at the friction it caused on his freshly wounded side. His father had been relentless the past few days, bestowing beatings on him whenever he laid his eyes on his youngest son. Daryl had grown accustomed to sneaking out to your trailer when things got too bad to handle on his own, but now he didn't know if he was allowed to. He didn't know if you'd tell him to go to hell, and he wouldn't have blamed you if you did. You had every reason to hate him.

Frustrated by the inability to fall asleep, Daryl sat up in his bed. His body screamed in protest at his movements, the beating from only a few hours prior taking its painful root in his body. Trying to ignore the pain, he reached into his nightstand to grab a few painkillers you'd bought for him to help him when you couldn't. However, as his hands fell upon the bottle, his eyes caught sight of a Polaroid picture. It was a picture you had taken of the two of you a month prior. The picture was ridiculous; you had somehow convinced him to wear a facemask with you and had him pose with you for a photo. Despite the fact that he was against the idea initially, it definitely was one of his favourite memories with you. He loved you, and he didn't ever want to lose you.

Before the thought could fully register in his mind, Daryl was climbing out of his window and sneaking away from his trailer towards yours. He didn't know if you were still awake or if you'd even want to see him, but he needed to see you. He needed to apologise to you, even if you hated him. At least he would have gotten it off his chest.

In a matter of moments, he was standing outside your window. He hesitated for a moment, flashes of your argument a week prior flooding his mind. However, he shook the thoughts from his head and knocked on your window. Almost immediately, your lamp flickered on and your footsteps could be heard approaching the window.

Your window opened and without hesitation or demanding an explanation, you extended a hand to Daryl to help him climb in to your room. Once inside, he turned to you, ready to apologise, but you cut him off by bringing him into a comforting hug. You nuzzled your face into his chest, letting out a deep sigh. Daryl was caught off guard for a moment, but he wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head before resting his chin there.

A minute of silence passed between the two of you. You simply stood there in each other's arms, basking in the comfort the hug brought the both of you. However, Daryl soon broke the silence, guilt and regret gnawing at his insides.

“M'sorry fer wha' I said. Fer lashin' out at ya,” he mumbled into your hair, closing his eyes when he felt you press a kiss against his clothed chest. “Please know tha' I didn't mean tha'. Not a single thing. Yer perfect to me.”

“It's okay,” you reassured him, pulling back slightly to gaze into the beautiful blues of his eyes. “You were just mad at your brother. I don't blame you at all.”

Daryl shook his head. “Ya should. I never shoulda said tha' in the first place. I wouldn't blame ya if ya hated me.”

“Daryl Dixon, you listen to me right now,” you started sternly, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. “One little fight isn't going to scare me off. When I agreed to be your girlfriend, I didn't just sign up for the good times. I'll be here through the bad times as well. Nothing will ever change that. You're gonna have to do more than cuss me out for me to run for the hills.”

Daryl stared into your eyes for a moment, a small smile gracing his features. He nodded slowly, subconsciously leaning into your soft touch. “I love ya,” he whispered.

You smiled up at him before giving him a small kiss. When you pulled back, you rubbed his cheek with your thumb. “I love you too, you hard ass. Through thick and thin,” you assured him, before grabbing his hand and leading him over to your bed. “Now sit down while I go grab the first aid kit. By the way, you're staying over tonight. I'm not letting you go now.”

Daryl didn't mind the sound of that at all. In no time at all, you had cleaned his wounds, turned of the light and ushered him into bed. You had brought his head down to rest on your chest, and he wrapped his arms around you. You played with his hair, placing a tender kiss on his forehead, lulling him into sleep.

And for the first time that week, Daryl fell asleep without being plagued by nightmares of losing you.

©dixons-sunshine 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified, adapted or translated to any other site or platform without evidence of my given consent.

[thatwriterchick222]

save a horse, ride... two cowboys? (arthur morgan and joel miller x f/reader) AU

summary:

“What’s a pretty young thing like yourself doin’ out here all alone?” The older man said as he approached you. You licked your lips, turning to peer inside the window of the saloon, spotting your fiance chatting with a few men at a poker table. “I’m not alone.” “That’s a shame.” The older man said, his eyes running down your body. “It is.” You replied. “Well…” The brunette leaned forward, peering through the same window you had looked through just prior, his eyes searching. “Your husband ain’t with you right now…” You smiled, trying not to let his smell of earth and smoke as he leaned closer to you cloud your judgment. “Fiance, actually.” “Even better.”

a/n: y'all this one is kinda crazyyyy... porn with plot at its finest. i also love combining my hyperfixations teehee

-------------

“Bend over this table, now .” The man’s gruff voice came from behind you, his large hands shoving you down onto the wooden table. You yelped as your cheek came into contact with the hard surface, your bare breasts pressed painfully down, your body completely trapped by his strong arms.

You struggled, but couldn’t fight the moan that escaped your throat when you felt something hard press into your backside through the rough material of his jeans. 

“Good thing we tied her up.” The other man said– Arthur, you think you heard him being addressed as– and you wiggled your arms that were tied behind your back, the rope looped around your ribcage a few times. 

All your clothes had been forcefully ripped off aside from your pantyhose. While you were practically naked, the men were fully clothed, the roughness of their attire giving you a painful reminder every time it brushed up against your bare skin. A shiver ran through you.

###

You had been out for a few drinks in town with your fiance, whom you honestly had gotten bored of within the span of a few minutes, as per usual. But, it wasn’t your choice to be engaged. Your parents arranged it, and you had no other option but to go through with it. 

This was where the so-called “high class” life had gotten you, you supposed. 

When you went out for a smoke, you spotted two men leaning casually up against the brick wall, their hats tipped down just enough that you had to squint to see their eyes in the dimness of the streetlights. They looked like proper cowboys.

From what you could tell, they both seemed older, but one of them more so. He had a salt and pepper beard and you saw the traces of even greyer hair underneath his tan leather hat. He had a green plaid shirt that had the top buttons undone, and you swore you could see a dusting of chest hair beneath it. 

You watched the man reach up and take a draw of his cigarette, noticing his hands. They looked like working hands, hands that had been through a lot. Strong hands. You watched him blow the cigarette smoke out through his nostrils. Then, to your surprise, he looked up at you, meeting your eyes with his own.

You blushed, averting your eyes immediately, focusing on the cigarette in your gloved hand that was almost burnt out. But you couldn’t help yourself as you looked back over at the man, and he was nudging the younger one beside him, drawing his attention to you as well. Oh shit .

The other man had lighter brown hair, his jawline wide and sharp, dusted in the slightest bit of stubble. He had an even bushier mustache on his upper lip, and his brow was furrowed as he looked up, eyes finding you immediately. 

###

The younger man, Arthur, came over to the other side of the table, abruptly reaching down and fisting his hand in your hair, yanking it back. You gasped as he craned your neck painfully, forcing you to look up at him, a playful smirk on his face.

Your mouth hung open as you stared at him, breathing heavily. His eyes flicked down your face, and you yelped as you felt the other man grinding himself into your backside, rubbing against your bare skin.

Arthur hummed. “Let me put that pretty mouth to use, hm?”

###

“What’s a pretty young thing like yourself doin’ out here all alone?” The older man said as he approached you, the metal of his spurs rattling on the concrete sidewalk. His voice was soft and deep, with an attractive southern twang. You let out a small laugh, shaking your head.

“Young?” You smiled. You were only twenty-four, but from what you had been through, and where you were, you didn’t feel like it.

The other man came up beside him, his hands resting on his gun belt. “Still… Alone, in a place like this?”

You licked your lips, turning to peer inside the window of the saloon, spotting your fiance chatting with a few men at a poker table. “I’m not alone.”

“That’s a shame.” The older man said, his eyes running down your body. You swallowed, shifting your weight to avoid the heat pooling in your stomach. It was intriguing, this outright form of flattery. You liked how forward they were, unlike the people you knew. Where you were from, even hinting at it got you a slap on the wrist. 

“It is.” You replied, tossing your used cigarette to the damp cobblestone sidewalk and watching it go out. 

“Well…” The brunette leaned forward, peering through the same window you had looked through just prior, his eyes searching. “Your husband ain’t with you right now…”

You smiled, trying not to let his smell of earth and smoke as he leaned closer to you cloud your judgment. “Fiance, actually.”

“Even better.” The older one said, reaching up and placing his cigarette between his lips, his eyes dark and hungry as they raked over you.

###

A rush of excitement shot through you when Arthur reached for his gun belt, undoing it with ease and unbuttoning his pants with one hand. He kept his other hand knotted in your hair, the hair you had taken so much time pinning up before you went out. 

God, your fiance was probably worried sick at that moment. Running around the saloon, asking people if they’d seen you, calling out your name on street corners. You fought a smile at the thought of him being worried sick, while you were tied up, pinned between two filthy cowboys in some barn in the middle of nowhere. Part of you wanted him to find you like this. To see you getting something you never got with him. 

When Arthur finally pulled himself out of the restraints of his pants, you felt a chill run down your spine at the size of him. You had only ever seen your fiance’s, and it was… underwhelming, to say the least. 

You swallowed thickly, feeling the other man’s warm hand run up your back, grabbing your arms that were tied. 

You were utterly helpless as Arthur guided himself to your parted lips. “Open wide for me, darlin’.”

to be continued on ao3!!!

[vulpisnocturna]

Itachi x reader where she's Sasuke's best friend but Itachi and Yn likes each other and Sasuke also likes yn. It's kind of like a love triangle

Y/n is living the life once again. I might have taken it a step too far, but what can I say, it is what Y/n wanted so badly lmao

Warnings: no-massacre au, y/n is one lucky gal, fingering, jealousy, possessiveness, dom Itachi, Itachi cockblocks Sasuke AND takes his crush

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

You’d been friends with Sasuke for many years. You two had grown together, gone on missions together, shared meals and fights and loss together. He was your best friend, the person that knew you as well as you did, the person you knew would always be there to support you. 

And yet, things had gotten complicated about a year prior. Sasuke had started acting weirdly, being more distant. Whenever you went to his house, he’d lash out at his brother and then he would be really jealous. Sasuke didn’t know you had had a crush on Itachi for the longest time, but it made you uncomfortable anyway. He was twenty-six, six years older than you and Sasuke, and he was to die for. Where Sasuke was pretty, Itachi was breathtaking. And even though Sasuke could be cool sometimes, Itachi had an enigmatic air about him that made shivers run down your spine every time you saw him. And the little smirks he gave you sometimes, as if he knew what was going on in your mind… it was too much. 

That day, you and Sasuke had planned to see each other. You had trained for a few hours together, and because it was late and you were already at the Uchiha training grounds, he offered to let you stay the night at his. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened, and he had said his parents were on a mission anyway. You asked about Itachi, and Sasuke begrudgingly admitted he would be home, though his expression grew cold straightaway. You regretted even bringing Itachi up. But every time you’d slept at Sasuke’s house, Itachi seemed to appear out of nowhere, brushing past you in the corridor and trapping you against the counter as he leaned to get something from the cupboard. If you didn’t know he loved Sasuke so much, you’d think he was doing it on purpose, just to show that he could. And you were ashamed to admit how worked up you got every time he did it.

‘It’s okay, little one. Just getting some tea’ he would say, though his eyes would gleam with wicked shrewdness. 

You groaned softly, staring at Sasuke, who was glaring at thin air.

‘Come on, Sasuke. Let’s go’ you said, smiling slightly at him. He hesitantly smiled back, heading towards the street. 

‘I- I’ll make dinner’ he said, fidgeting with his haori. You smiled, elbowing him in the side playfully.

‘You know you can’t cook, Sasuke. Just let Itachi handle it, okay? We can relax in the meantime’ you said. Sasuke’s eyes narrowed slightly.

‘Relax?’ he repeated, scanning your face. You nodded.

‘You know, I’ll be able to take a shower, and we can talk and stuff’ you said, smiling. Sasuke nodded absentmindedly.

When you two got to his house, Itachi was already in the kitchen, cooking some food. It smelled amazing, and your mouth watered.

‘Are you with someone, Sasuke?’ he asked from the kitchen, and Sasuke groaned, kicking off his shoes. 

‘Just my friend’ the way his tone dropped around the “my” part unnerved you. Itachi, however, did not seem bothered. As you walked by the kitchen, he turned around, eyeing you lazily.

‘Welcome back. As Sasuke’s friend, please, stay for supper’ he said, and somehow, the way he said Sasuke’s was mocking, taunting. You swallowed, eyeing him. He was as beautiful as ever, wearing a plain navy blue t-shirt and comfortable black trousers. You averted your eyes, only to bump into Sasuke, who put an arm around your shoulders.

‘We are going to my room’ he said, his jaw tight. Itachi smiled slightly.

‘Of course. It’s going to be ready in about ten minutes. Please, feel free to have a shower if you want. Don’t take too long though’ he said, the epitome of politeness, and yet, there was something more to his tone. Some kind of wicked taunt. 

‘I’d like a shower. Thank you, Itachi’ you said, offering a small smile to Sasuke as you went off towards the bathroom. 

You barely managed to dry your hair after your shower when Itachi called you both to dinner. It was awkward, sitting down with the both of them. Itachi asked you about missions and made conversation in that easy way he always had about him, and Sasuke kept sulking, stabbing his food with his chopsticks.

‘Sasuke, are you ready for the mission tomorrow?’ Itachi asked, smiling at his brother. Sasuke lifted his eyes, nodding.

‘Yeah. It’s nothing much’ he only said, glancing at you. 

‘Sasuke has gotten a lot better, don’t you think, Itachi?’ you said, trying to lift the general mood. Sasuke looked at you, his lips slightly parted, and Itachi smiled.

‘You have, Sasuke. You are a very capable shinobi’ he said genuinely. Sasuke sucked in his lips, looking conflicted.

Itachi left you both to talk in Sasuke’s room as he washed the dishes, and Sasuke seemed cross.

‘What’s up?’

‘What’s up? What’s up is that you like him! You like my brother’ he said, his eyes hard. You swallowed, your heart thumping in your chest as you looked away. 

‘That’s- not true’ you stuttered, your cheeks warm.

‘Yeah, right’ he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. Your brow furrowed, your own gaze hardening.

‘And what is it to you anyway?’ you crossed your arms, standing up. Sasuke gritted his teeth.

‘Like I care- you could just be less obvious’ he spat. For a moment, his tone made you think he might be snapping out of being hurt, but his words got the better of you, making you angry.

‘Goodnight, Sasuke. Guess I’ll see you in the morning’ you spat back, walking out and closing the door behind you. Part of you wanted him to stop you, the other part just wanted to be left alone. Why wasn’t being best friends enough? Why was he so pissed off that maybe you had a little crush on Itachi? Everyone did. You weren’t the first, and you would not be the last one. 

You went to the guest room, closing the door and sitting cross-legged on the bed. For a while, you just sulked, brooding over Sasuke’s words and getting angrier and angrier. 

After an hour, though, you decided to go and get a cup of tea. Maybe it would calm you down. You couldn’t believe he would say that to you, with Itachi in the house nonetheless. Did he want to humiliate you? Was that it?

‘Careful, little one’ 

You startled, looking up just before you bumped into Itachi in the kitchen. The light was off, but the moonlight offered some light. You could make out most of his features, but you’d been so lost in your own thoughts you hadn’t noticed him. 

‘Trouble in paradise, mh?’ he asked, dipping his head to look you in the eye. You swallowed, looking up at him. Had he heard? Your stomach was in a knot.

‘What’s this I hear? You like me, little one?’ he murmured against your ear, hot breath fanning your cheek. Your heart was hammering in your throat, and you shifted on your feet.

‘He was just- being a dick’ you managed to let out, and Itachi clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, his eyes glinting in the moonlight.

‘It’s a pity Sasuke likes you so much. I almost feel guilty about doing this’ he said before he cupped your face, tangling his fingers in your hair as he kissed you. Your brain shut off completely, your knees weak as your stomach dropped. It didn’t take you long to melt in his arms, and you kissed him back, flinging your arms around his neck, touching his hair, which felt even softer than you could have imagined. 

He nipped at your bottom lip, drawing a whimper from you, only to lick it, soothing it with his tongue. You parted your lips for him, and his hands roamed your body, gripping the small of your back and pulling you against him.

‘Or maybe I don’t. You taste too sweet to give up on making you mine’ he said, one of his hands settling on your ass. You blushed, biting your lower lip, tasting mint toothpaste and something entirely his that made you want to go beyond just kissing.

‘You could sleep with me, little one’ he said, turning you around and starting to kiss your neck, making you stifle a moan when he sucked on the curve of your shoulder, just underneath your t-shirt.

‘I’ve wanted to do this for the longest time’ he said, lifting your t-shirt to splay his hands and slender fingers on your stomach. 

‘Itachi- I want you’ you said, drunk on his touch. It was much better than what you had imagined as you touched yourself. So maddening. 

‘Let me give you a little taste of what I’m going to do to you’ he said, drawing you  more in the shadows, your back against his torso as his hand cupped you between your legs. You moaned in a low voice, rolling your hips against him, gasping softly when you felt his erection against your ass.

He snaked a hand under your  trousers and underwear, his middle finger drawing circles  on your clit, making you whine for him.

‘You are so wet for me, little one. And so tight’ he said as he slipped two fingers inside you and scissored them, making you grip onto him.

His palm rubbed your clit, and his fingers curled inside you. You were finding it almost impossible to keep your moans low enough, but when you heard Sasuke’s bedroom door open, you startled, your eyes wide. Itachi did not let you go, though. He pulled you more into the shadows of the kitchen, covering your mouth with his hand and speeding up his ministrations.

‘Shh, little one. Wouldn’t want Sasuke to hear what you sound like when you cum. I want to keep that all to myself’ he breathed in your ear, his talented fingers pressing again and again against your g-spot, drawing you closer and closer to your orgasm. The bathroom door closed, judging by the distance of the sound, and Itachi pushed two fingers in your mouth. You sucked them desperately, rocking your hips against his fingers, the knot in your stomach increasing painfully to near torment. 

‘That’s my good girl. My little brother wouldn’t know how to get you this desperate’ he whispered against your neck, licking your throat. You clamped around his slender fingers, sucking his fingers more to muffle your moans. The bathroom door opened again, and Itachi chose that moment to make you cum. You saw white, your legs wobbling, but his strong arms held you still through it before he removed his fingers from you. You stared at him with hazy eyes as he brought his fingers to his mouth, sucking them clean.

Sasuke’s door closed, and he smirked, picking you up effortlessly. You hooked your legs around his slim hips, clinging to his shoulders.

‘Come on, darling. I’m far from finished with you’

[williamswifey]

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔’𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 - 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀 𝐑𝐀𝐌𝐒𝐄𝐘

pairing ; bella ramsey x fem!reader

summary ; bella does an at home interview, and you overheard them discussing your relationship while they think you’re asleep.

content warnings ; none

a/n ; i was watching a bella ramsey interview and was inspired so enjoy this 🥹

masterlist

you blinked sleepily as your eyes fluttered open, rolling over to your right. while normally your head would gently hit bella’s chest, instead you found yourself brushing against an empty, cold spot.

this woke you up fully as you sat up in confusion. you yawned and stretched, and you could hear bella’s voice coming from the dining room. their voice was loud, much louder than it usually was when they were on the phone attempting to remain quiet while you slept.

however, you noticed bella’s tone was professional, the way they did whenever in public or when doing something work related.

oh.

you remembered last night bella had mentioned an interview early in the morning, and you had been half asleep as you hummed in acknowledgment to their statement.

you frowned. it was a saturday, and you loved saturday mornings with bella. you loved cuddling with them until noon, you loved brushing you teeth side by side. you loved cooking breakfast with them and doing chores while singing, and then rewarding yourselves with lunch and a movie.

however, bella wasn’t there for you to cuddle. the room felt chillier, and your feet softly padded down the hallway of your shared apartment.

you peeked your head out slightly, trying to get bella’s attention so you could wave to them. except bella was so into the interview, they were in their own world. you loved how serious they were about their job, and how respectful they were to interviewers.

you sighed, noticing bella had left a few windows open throughout the hallway. you closed them and went back into your bedroom to grab one of bella’s sweatshirts. it was long and fluffy on the inside and smelled so strongly of bella you could’ve mistaken it for the real thing.

when you returned to the spot you stood moments prior, you noticed bella and the interviewer discussing an entirely new topic: you.

“…yeah, as cringey as it sounds i never really felt i belonged until i met y/n. it was an instant bond—an instant warmth. it sounds cliché, i know, but…my heart was just drawn to her.”

“that’s beautiful,” the interviewer commented, “now tell me, how different do you think your life would be without y/n?”

you heard bella scoff at the question, as if it was a joke.

“i don’t think i could fathom a world without y/n. i definitely wouldn’t be where i am today—she’s pushed me to do the unthinkable.”

“do you think she feels the same way?” the man on the laptop asked.

“i’d hope so,” bella said with a giggle, “i mean, she’s asleep right now but otherwise i’d straight up go and ask her.”

“you live together? how’s that experience been?”

“it was the best decision of my life. getting to wake up next to y/n every morning—being able to see the little things about her, the things i wouldn’t have seen had we not lived together.”

you felt a smile grace your face. you bit down on your lip, and you felt your heart squeeze within your chest.

“your relationship is by far one of the most popular on social media. how have the two of you dealt with being in the spotlight?”

“um…it surprisingly doesn’t affect us much. because yeah—our fans see a lot of our relationship, but it’s really only what we want them to see. there’s still so much to our relationship that’s only for us to have, and that’s what keeps the spark going.”

you grinned to yourself, fiddling with the lose thread on bella’s sweatshirt. you listened for a few more minutes—even after the topic had changed. you loved watching bella at work, but you were exhausted and couldn’t fight the urge to crawl back into bed.

you had fallen asleep again, much to your distaste, though a soft hand running throughout your hair woke you up.

you blinked to see bella above you, smiling down at your sleeping figure. they noticed you stirring awake and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“my sleepy girl,” they said softly, “how did you sleep?”

“good,” you replied, “better now that you’re here.”

your hands interlocked with bella’s, and you remembered everything they said about you. it made your heart flutter as you pulled them impossibly closer.

“i love you, bella. you know that right?”

bella let out a hearty chuckle at your words.

“of course i know that darling, i love you too.”

“you promise?” you asked, sleep still fogging your brain, but your head was clear enough to know that you loved bella more than anything else.

“on my life,” bella whispered back, pulling the blanket over the two of you, ensuring that your saturday morning cuddles were still on track.

[iaminfourthwing]

The Generals Daughter

Chapter XIII

The day that every first year, that is still alive, dreads, is finally here. Threshing.

The gathering hall is oddly quiet this morning, every first year lost in their own thoughts. Violet next to me looks a little green and minutes prior I saw Ridoc running to find the nearest bathroom or trash bin. I ate a little bit of fresh fruits because after all, I am nervous as fuck as well.

The general seemed so sure about me claiming a dragon, but right now … I am not so sure anymore. The fact that I have to see him again, if I claim a dragon today, makes me swallow anxiously. If I fail … I don’t want to know what happens then.

My eyes find the bright blue ones Liam owns and he gives me an encouraging smile. He is one of the best in this quadrant, there is no doubt of him claiming a dragon. I bet he isn’t as nervous as everyone else here. Even Barlowe is quiet, and that must mean something but after all, he is just human as well.

A shiver runs through me as I can feel someone staring at me and when I look up, the startling hazel-colored eyes, that even follow me in my dreams, are studying me. He looks like he is somewhere trapped in his mind and even over the distance I can see the worry and anxiety radiating from him. I give him a small tight-lipped smile, which he returns.

Half an hour later we are all gathered at the entrance of the bowl-shaped forested valley, where we’ll hopefully find our dragons or our possible death. I had to promise Violet that I’ll let her go alone but I will definitely stay near her. I won’t take the risk and lose her. She is strong, she has proven herself over the last months, but the way Jack and his entourage look her way … I’ll definitely trust my instincts and follow her through the valley. When it comes to the dragons, there isn’t much I can do, that’s when I’ll leave her.

Dain stands beside her and whispers probably some instructions into her ear. He looks just as worried as I feel about her but even as he knows what she is capable of, he still doesn’t appreciate her strength. Idiot.

When we finally get the go, some of the cadets eagerly run into different directions while others walk slow, unsure into the valley.

Violet is around 50 feet in front of me, so I take a deep breath and start to go after her.

For around half an hour I simply just walk behind her as quietly as possible. A few dragons could be heard in the distance, even cadets screaming. The short girl suddenly halts. “I know you are here” she says, without turning around. My eyes widen. Fuck, she is good. I should have expected that.

“Sorry Vi, but I am not taking the chance and risk your life, without trying to protect you” there is guilt in my voice, but I know, I am doing the right thing.

“You saw me fight these last months, you saw me getting stronger and even then, you still don’t trust me? Don’t trust what I can do? Am I really that weak to you, that you desperately try to protect me? I know you have to do this because of my moth-“

“NO! I do not do this because of your mother! I do this because you are my friend, no, more like a sister! I believe wholeheartedly in you! I am so proud of you and your growth; you have no idea. But I do not trust Jack and his hounds. We both know you all alone have no chance against the four of them. I really just wanna help you” I finish.

For a few minutes she just stands there, looking at me with nothing but adoration. “You know, if we would have been into girls, I would totally kiss you right now” she finally says as we both continue our walk through the valley. I laugh. “But here we are, totally into boys we aren’t allowed to have.”

She snaps her neck my way, wide eyed. Oh, fucking hell. “You what?! You too?!?! Who?”

Shit. Me and my loud mouth. “Well … I mean- maybe- a certain ... cousin … of your … little crush” I stutter, admitting my interest in the handsome male.

Her jaw drops in pure surprise and shock. “HIM?! Oh my-“

We hear a little growl somewhere in front of us. I try to look between the trees and see … something golden? Oh no. Violet seems to have the same thought.

“The feathertail” we whisper simultaneously. We both step forward into the clearing, where we get a better view of the little dragon.

“Gosh, it’s so cute” I whisper. As if the dragon heard me she looks up … offended?

“Oh god, sorry, I didn’t mean to insult you” I say, panic dripping in my voice while Violet snickers quietly beside me.

The dragon looks curious at us both and steps forward when we hear something snapping behind us. Like someone is walking into our direction. I have an extremely unsettling feeling, who that could be. To small and quiet for a dragon, it's definitely a human. More like, a bunch of humans.

“You have to hide or fly away!” Vi whisper shouts to the little golden one. “Go! Fly!” We both run to hide behind the trees, but Vi stumbles over a branch and falls. “Shit Vi, you okay?” I ask her while helping her up. I think I heard a pop but am not sure.

“Damn it, my ankle … go hide” she hisses in agony.

Reluctantly I let her go and hide behind another tree. In the last second, I decide to climb the tree, hovering a bit over Violet and see everything that’s going to happen. And just a few seconds later Jack with his lapdogs come out of the tree line. Shit. I hate when I am right in the wrong situations.

“We have to kill this little thing! It’s a danger for everyone!” Jack says loudly.

Tynan, Oren and Trevor are behind him. While the other three are determined walking to the little golden dragon, Oren looks unsure whether he should join this shitshow. They seriously want to murder a dragon? Are they really that dumb? I can only hope some other dragons are possibly near and hear, what these pathetic humans want to do. Or at least a third year, that could talk some sense into them, even though with Jack there is probably nothing we could do besides throw him into a cell and never let him see the daylight again.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. What if one if the third years see us” Oren says. “They aren’t allowed to interfere” Jack shrugs.

“You can’t do this!” Violet says loudly, stepping out from behind the tree. Shocked I look down to her. Fucking. Hell. Violet.

I stay seated.

“And why not, Sorrengail?” Tynan sneers. “It’s against everything we stand for and believe in!” Oren still looks unsure about Jacks plan to kill the little dragon.

While they are insulting each other and Violet trying to get the dragon to flee, I feel something prickling in my head. Like … someone tries to ... reach me? I definitely need more sleep. This is getting ridiculous.

‘Oh, so now I am ridiculous?’ a feminine voice says in my head. I- HELLO?!

‘No need to scream, I hear just fine. Just because my ears are old doesn’t mean I am deaf.’

Oh fantastic. It’s sassy.

‘I need to help my friend before I can deal with you!’ I hiss in my head. I need therapy. Is there any therapist in Basgiath?

‘Well now you sound ridiculous.’ I try to ignore her, for now.

“I would advise against trying to do that” a dark voice echoes over the field. On the other side stands our wing leader and behind him, between the trees, shimmer … golden eyes. Sgaeyl. His dragon. And the way her eyes are fixed on the boys in front of Violet tells me how annoyed she is.

“And what if we don’t listen to you? You can’t do anything, Riorson” Jack mocks him. “That may be true, but Sgaeyl isn’t really a fan of bullies” To underline the statement, there is a deep growl echoing through the trees. Oh, she is definitely pissed.

Xadens eyes find mine and he smirks.

“Besides that, it’s not Sgaeyl you should be worried about right now” he says.

“Whatever” Jack growls and leaps forward into Violets direction. She throws a dagger with unbelievable precision into his shoulder and with a shout he goes down. That’s my girl.

While Trevor stays behind, Tynan and Oren attack together. Now I am thankful for the bow and arrows I grabbed as my weapon of choice, because the arrow I aimed landed directly in Tynans thigh. I jump down the tree and join the fight.

“Oh fantastic, the Generals little warrior princess is here too! Have you found yourself a dragon already? Surely Codagh or daddy must have bullied them to claim you!” Jack sneers and runs. First he says THAT again, and in front of the dragons too??? And then he runs? What a coward. But I can’t keep my focus on him when Trevor is attacking me as well. I hear Violet grunting somewhere behind me. Fuck, I need to focus.

‘Watch out!’ the feminine voice shouts in my head. ‘I know’ I growl back.

With my dagger I land a deep blow in Tynans abdomen. He screams in agony as I cut through him. He’ll bleed out if he won’t get any medical treatment. So far, I am completely unharmed.

I join Violets side in front of the golden dragon, to protect the little thing.

‘If she hears you calling her ‘little thing’ she’ll try to bite you’ there she is again. ‘Oh, so it’s a she’

‘Andarnaurram. Andarna for short’

Well thanks?

‘You’re welcome’

Oh, for fucks sake.

“Are you okay, Silver one?” I ask the girl next to me. “I’ll live. Hopefully” she says.

“I won’t let anything happen to you” I growl pissed. During the fight Xaden must have stepped forward, because he is not leaning against his tree anymore. As if he wanted to… to help Vi? Damn, talk about whipped.

Oren lays unconscious in front of us after Vi knocked him out with the grip of her dagger, Tynan stands behind him ready to strike again and Trevor is a bit more far away. My eyes are fixed on him because I know for sure he wants his revenge for the challenge he lost against me.

Suddenly, both of them look ridiculously shocked and Trevor runs into the forest. A dark shadow flies over the field and when I turn around, I flinch violently. The black dragon. He is incredibly big but not as big as the black beast. And he looks pissed. I move out of the way the same time as Violet.

Tynan tries to run away but his thigh is still wounded due to the arrow sticking in it and the blood loss of the wound in his abdomen. The black dragon growls loudly and then … there is fire. In just a few seconds there is nothing but the smell of burning flesh and death in the air.

Xaden and Sgaeyl are long gone.

“I can’t kill an unconscious man!” Violet suddenly says while looking up the dragon. What?!

“Yeah, that surely says something about them but not me.”

Oh. Oh my god. My eyes widen. The dragon, THE black dragon is choosing her! I am a bit jealous of her I have to admit.

‘Excuse me?!’ someone is offended.

‘Well while you are watching your friend bond with Tairn, I am waiting for you! There is a boy here, trying to claim me but I am just bored by him. You think you can finally show up?’ she asks annoyed.

‘What boy?’ I ask curious while I make my way to her. My feelings are leading me through the woods, leaving Violet behind me. Whatever happens now is out of my control. I just hope she can stay seated, or Tairn is catching her if she falls.

‘The one that just ran away from you before Tairn showed up’ she says.

The boy that run- oh HELL NO! Trevor! That is MY dragon, you fucker! I run through the woods as fast as I can to reach them. She chose me, so therefore he can fuck off. I reach the part of the valley, where she leaded me and step forward into the clearing.

‘Oh, now you accept me, little flame?’ she asks amused.

‘Little flame?’ Where does this come from?

‘Your hair is resembling fire’ Ah, makes sense.

And that’s when I see him, Trevor in front of a … massive midnight blue dragon. Amari, she is gorgeous. ‘Thank you, I can say the same about you.’

Furious, the boy turns around and glares at me. This is going to get dirty.

‘Show me, what you are made of and you will never have to fight alone anymore, little flame.’

Come on Trevor. I’ll rip you apart.

[sagau-my-beloved]

Heyyy it's that drabble I said I was writing, come get your crumbs

Warnings: general sagau, heavily suggestive but doesn't go past that, heavy codependency

Pairing: Venti/reader

"Do you crave my touch?" You asked innocently, or as innocent as that question could be asked, continuing to run your hands through Venti's hair in a soothing manner as his eyes remained closed in complete bliss, barely registering you had said anything at all, completely entranced by the feelings that so effortlessly flowed from you.

"Very much so." He admitted without hesitation, as if only stating the obvious, but still with the same blissed out smile.

Venti was currently in heaven, surely that's what this was, if not then it must have been above even that. As if heaven could hold a candle to your attention.

You arch an eyebrow, pulling your hands away from his hair after growing tired of the repetitive movement, you had been at it for hours after all.

This was one of the few times you actively chose to indulge him, usually he had to fight for your attention in fifteen minutes intervals between work and important meetings. So, when you revealed that it was a rather slow day and you'd be willing to take a few hours as a well deserved break, to say that he was completely over the moon would be an understatement.

Venti's eyes snapped open immediately, his entire face contorting into one of discomfort as if you had just slapped him.

The sensation of being without your touch after hours of so greedily basking in it was unpleasant, a dull throbbing that only  intensified as the seconds ticked by, in place of what was originally so soothing.

He grabbed hold of your hand immediately and pressed your palm against his face, once again melting into your touch as if it was made of life itself, and it really might as well been.

He almost felt the need to apologize for an action so forceful, but every thought was immediately wiped from his mind as your thumb gently caressed him, his eyes once again fluttering close.

It was amazing how much just a simple touch affected him so, you never would have imagined yourself in this position months prior.

You had observed that this was a common thing amongst everyone. For some reason, it was as if you simply projected your emotions, so you weren't particularly surprised how Venti was so desperate to keep you right here where he could practically bath in how happy you were to have him so close.

That was really the kicker, the feelings of bliss and pleasure and happiness he felt stemmed directly from you, directly from how you felt as you held him near you. He was feeling exactly how you felt about him and it was the best feeling in the world, one that he would gladly drown in.

But it had been a while, and you certainly had other matters to attend to. Regrettably the title of 'creator' came with more than just status.

You let out a hum and pulled your hand away again, intending this time to get up.

That decision was met with very obvious displeasure as your beloved Archon immediately reached for you again.

What you didn't know was that you really had spoiled him too much, allowed him to indulge in the honor of the euphoria you provide just a bit too long, and you were going to have a very hard time fixing that.

Whenever your fingers weren't on his skin, whenever he couldn't physically feel your touch, it was as if his soul cried out to him to rectify it, as if a massive part of him was simply torn away.

The Archon's mind, partially hazy from being drunk off the divine feeling of you, wasn't thinking entirely logically.

"Your grace please," Venti practically whined, falling further into you, "Don't stop."

You smiled slightly, he was frankly too difficult not to give in to. You could indulge him for another minute, but only one more.

You slid your other hand into his hair once more as he continued to practically nuzzle into the first.

"You're lucky you're unreasonably cute you know."

His whole body shuddered from the complement.

You traced one of your fingers softly over his jaw and he made a noise you could only interpret as something akin to a 'thank you', face still displaying that look of pure unbridled happiness.

As much as you wanted to stay there for another hour, carefully studying all of the expressions he made, you promised yourself you would only indulge him a minute and that minute had passed.

Using a decent amount of willpower, you finally pulled yourself back, quickly dodging him acting on his innate reaction to immediately pull you back.

This time the pain was more vivid, something more than just discomfort settling in the place where the memory of your touch lingered.

His eyes were wide now, fully awake and completely conscious of every little burning sensation that danced across his skin.

Venti grabbed your hand forcefully and desperately, causing you to instinctively pull away.

"I'm sorry!" He immediately apologized, seemingly horrified with himself, horrified that he had the audacity to be even slightly forceful with something as precious as you.

Though the way his very heart ached couldn't be ignored, so he swallowed his pride and looked up at you with a pained expression.

"Please, stay right here for a little longer, please your grace, I can't begin to describe how much I need you to." He sounded as if he was trying very hard to keep his voice steady but there was a frantic undertone to it, something that coincided with the way he seemed to wince.

You gave him a cautious look while standing, eyeing the door as his expression grew scared.

"Please..." Venti begged, this time with a completely unconcealed desperate tone, "It hurts—"

You wouldn't be lying to say you were on the fence before about how honest he was being, it was Venti, and he had a bit of a tendency to dramatically play things up, but this felt different.

You finally conceited, crawling back onto the bed and pulling him into your arms.

In no time at all he wrapped his arms and legs around you, pressing his face against your neck as if seeking some sort of protection.

"I'm sorry, so so so sorry..." He repeated over and over as his hold tightened, as if he was just so deathly afraid of being away from you.

"It's alright, you'll be ok." You mumbled, placing a kiss against on his head, sending shockwaves of pure bliss through his body.

"Don't let go, please." Venti's voice was muffled from how close he was pressed against you, but you could still make out every bit of emotion it contained.

This entire thing was... strange—

It was almost as if he seemed to tense up every time you moved even slightly, occasionally mumbling completely inaudible things into your neck, words of praise or admiration you could only assume.

You moved to once again run your fingers through his hair, petting him softly both as a form of comfort and to keep your hands idle, and, as expected, your touch was enough to make him whimper.

"Please..."

You perked up at his voice, it sounded quite similar to when he first awakens in the mornings, drowsy and soft around the edges, not entirely there.

"Do that... again..." Venti managed to plead in between heavy breaths, "Just like that..."

You couldn't help but oblige, unable to stop your body from heating up slightly at how intimate the situation had become.

He finally pulled his head away from you long enough to look up at you with glazed eyes, the euphoria making him dizzy.

You smiled at his dazed state.

However, worries did edge in the back of your mind.

He had never been quite this zoned out before, quite this dazed and desperate, was it possible for someone to overdose of affection alone? Maybe not normal affection, but you were pretty far from normal...

Lost in thought, you unconsciously moved your hands away.

As if struck by lightning, all pleasant feelings immediately left the poor Archon once more, gone and replaced by a throbbing pain.

Venti yelped, grabbing hold of your hand and your attention with it.

As soon as your touch graced him again, his heartbeat evened out, feelings of both physical and mental pain completely leaving him once more.

Alcohol was nothing compared to this.

He fell limp into you, or all but his hand, which was still holding yours so tight it was almost painful.

It was obvious now what was happening, your divine touch seemed to have some unintentional side effects—

Venti was happy, as if happy even began to describe it, and because of that he was complete putty in your hands, craving only your touch and the total bliss that followed.

You wondered how he might react to you telling him the entirety of Mondstadt was up in flames, that Teyvat itself was falling to ruin. You wondered if he would react at all.

It was obvious now that if you let go he would only beg you for more, but, if you continued to hold on, he'd stay dependent on you.

This... was going to be a problem.

"Venti?" You asked softly, letting your free hand glide over his back.

He let out a sigh of contentment, "My beloved... My world, my everything..."

Venti continued to mumble terms of endearment for a few seconds longer, moving your hand, which he was still reverently holding, up to his lips to press small kisses to your fingertips, a buzz on his lips from that contact alone.

"You feel so good... If it's your will that I become completely addicted to you then so be it. Just don't stop."

He looked at you as if he was oblivious to everything else, the world itself fading to insignificance.

Venti's eyes were beautiful, of course this wasn't new information, but the way they looked at you, catching your own and holding them there, so transparent with everything he was feeling.

You couldn't help but to lean forward and press your lips against his, causing those beautiful eyes to widen and fill with metaphorical hearts.

If your touch caused him unbelievable pleasure, your kiss was a thousand times more.

The intensity of just how amazing it felt shocked him, caused him to let out a small breathy moan he was unable to stifle, not that he had any intention of trying.

You pulled away after a moment, going back to just staring at him.

Venti looked exhausted now, eyes half lidded, fading in and out of focus.

That moment was what his entire life had been for, every single thing he ever experienced all leading up to that alone. If he had to live through every hardship a thousand times over only to experience that one more time, he would do it in an instant.

"I... I think... I'm going to collapse—"

True to his word, Venti immediately fell onto the spot beside you, body limp.

It seemed as if that kiss was the final straw—

You eyes widened, it was as if your mind couldn't decide whether to laugh or be concerned. He was still breathing at least, just sleeping, with that same blissed out smile no less. Seeing that, your mind decided on the former.

So it was actually possible to overload a God. You briefly wondered if the situation would have play out the same had it been one of your more human followers in his place.

Though, now that you thought about it more, it looked as though it would be very unlikely you'd be able to even touch another person with Venti around, not if the effect was anywhere close to that...

You tentatively moved away from him, looking closely for any signs of discomfort or pain as your touch finally left him, letting out a thankful sigh when he looked no different.

Your smile did fall slightly when the reality of exactly what you had waiting for you dawned.

Dutifully deciding not to waste any more time, sparing one more glance back, you finally left the room, moving ever closer to where your unfinished paperwork sat waiting patiently. Farther away from where the Anemo Archon slept soundly, and farther still from where he would soon awaken with a clearer mind, one swimming with all the ways he could possibly compensate for the honor you bestowed upon him, and, more importantly, all the ways he could prevent others from receiving the same.

[marvelwitchergilmore]

Bloodied Hands

Summary: Colter Shaw x Fe!Reader -> When you get hurt on a case, Colter stays with you.

Disclaimer: I don't really know what this is. Mostly caring fluff with a little angst, I suppose. Descriptions of blood, surgery, being in hospital. Not proof read.

Having felt a familiar hand on your arm, you woke up to find Colter stood over you. 

“I need to change your bandage.” 

Too tired to reply, you nodded and he helped you sit up before, slowly, you lifted the hem of your t-shirt to allow him access to your stomach. 

Colter was careful when he unravelled the old bandage, and he was doubly careful when he cleaned your wound and redressed it. 

His fingers were light against your skin, trying their best to avoid hurting you. 

“There. Done.”

“Stay with me?” You asked, opening your eyes long enough to take a mental image of his face. 

He nodded after a moment. “Let me just get rid of these.”

He was back less than thirty seconds later, walking to the opposite side of his bed. 

“Come here,” he said in a low voice. 

Every movement you made was slow, but he waited. He would wait a lifetime if he had to. 

Taking you into his side, your hand clung to his arm as they wrapped around you, your back toon propped against his chest. 

“Anything else hurting?”

You shook your head a little. “I just want to sleep.”

“Okay,” Colter replied before absentmindedly kissing your temple. “You sleep?”

“Stay with me?”

“Always.”

It wasn’t long before your breathing became even and the tensed weight in his arms softened, drifting into a hopefully dreamless sleep. 

But Colter remained awake. He couldn’t help but have his brain run over the last week. From when you surprised him at his trailer, dressed in a raincoat and carrying a foil covered dish. 

Reenie had called you, telling you Colter was in the area and since he didn’t know you had moved, you decided to surprise him. 

However, when Teddi and Velma called only a few minutes later, it turned out you knew the family considering you were the one to last treat their animals. 

That night, you helped Colter with some research. Bobby would still be asleep and since you and Colter had nothing better to do than talk and catch up, you pulled out his laptop and began researching. 

Colter smiled at the memory, seeing you easily get into his laptop. 

You had grilled him slightly for using the same password as he did years prior. 

That night, you fell asleep on his bed. But rather than wake you, offering to drive you home, he pulled a spare blanket from his cupboard and covered your body. 

By the time you woke up in the morning, you were alone. But there was no surprise there. You figured Colter still went on his morning runs. 

He called it a morning run. You called it torture. 

By the time he got back, you were pulling on a pair of grey cable knit socks and tucking your yellow t-shirt into your jeans. 

“Have you seen my-”

Colter found your hair clip on the side. “This?”

“Yes.”

Plucking it from his hands, you moved to find a mirror and twisted your hair around your fingers before clipping it back. 

If Colter knew less than a week later he’d be carrying that clip in a bag of your belongings…it wouldn’t have changed anything. But it made him think. 

Eventually, Colter and yourself managed to track the stolen animals to a farm across town. They had a couple of abandoned sheds a couple of acres away. Only, yourself and Colter had gotten separated. 

And just as he was talking one of the thief’s down from murder, you were fighting for your life, surrounded by caged animals. 

By the time your attacker, and the second thief, ran outside, he was met with police cars and armed officers. 

Inside the first barn hadn’t just been animals, but also enough drugs to warrant a ten year prison sentence, minimum. 

Only, as Colter was talking to the sheriff, he mentioned you. 

“And where is your partner? We’d like her to check the animals over before we take them back to their owners.”

“Yeah, she’s…”

Colter looked round and finally spotted you. Except, something was different. Wrong. 

He called your name, but you barely heard him. All you could do was look at your hands. 

“C-colter.”

That was all it took for him to start running across to you. 

“Hey, what- oh my god. Medic! Someone call an ambulance! Hey, hey, hey, what happened?”

All you could do was say his name again before you felt your legs grow weak and your body drop. But he caught you. Barely. 

“Whoa, hey, hey, okay. Take it easy. Hey, y/n? Y/n, I need you to stay awake. Can you do that for me?”

“It’s gonna take a while before an ambulance can get out here.”

Colter looked you over. The sheriff was right. And you might not last that long. 

“Put her in my car. I can get you there in half the time.”

Colter nodded, moving his eyes back to you. “I need you to stay with me, okay? This is gonna hurt, but we’re gonna get you to a hospital.”

You nodded, weakly. 

“Put your arm around me.”

Within seconds, Colter was carrying you to the Sheriff’s car and getting into the back seat with you. 

Half way, you passed out, so you couldn’t remember much until you woke up in the hospital a few days later. 

But Colter could. 

He was applying pressure to your wound, your blood swirling over his hand whilst his mother cradled your head and tried to keep you awake. He called your name. Louder still when you passed out. 

It was a whirlwind, pulling up outside the hospital and carrying you inside whilst the Sheriff called for a doctor. 

A bed was brought over immediately and you got rushed into the OR. They forced both Colter and the Sheriff to stay behind the doors and all Colter could do was stand there, watching you be wheeled away. 

A few hours later, a training nurse walked over and handed him a bag of your things. And his mind went blank. 

“Shouldn’t- shouldn’t she have her stuff?”

The nurse nodded. “We’re waiting on a room for her, but it’s best if you keep hold of her things. That way they don’t get lost.”

“S-so, so she’s okay?”

The nurse nodded, with a slight smile. “Your wife is going to be fine. Sore, for a while. And tired. But they say her odds look good.”

Colter felt his entire body suddenly relax and tears came to his eyes. “Oh, thank god.”

“I’ll ask the Doc how long it’ll be before you can see her, but I doubt it’ll be long. Once we get her set up, you can see her.”

“Okay. Thank you. And please, thank everyone for me. I- I don’t even-”

But the nurse just smiled at him. “That’s okay. I’ll be back in a minute.”

As the nurse walked away, Colter sat down holding your bag of belongings in his hand. Inside were your clothes, plus your bloodied t-shirt. Along with your hair clip. 

Pulling out his phone, he made a call to Reenie. 

“No, no. They said she’s going to be fine.”

“Not that I’m not glad they are, but why are they telling you all of this?”

“I ran in with her and-”

Then it dawned on Colter. 

Wife.

“And they think I’m her husband.”

Rennie sighed. “Good. Let them keep thinking that. I’m gonna catch the next flight out. Please keep her safe.”

“Always.”

A few hours later, they let Colter in to see you. 

They had you dressed in a hospital gown and you had a couple tubes in your arms. If you hadn’t been slashed with a knife, lay in a hospital and if he still didn’t have your blood on his hands, Colter would have thought you were at home, sleeping. 

You looked peaceful. 

Still. 

Colter placed your belongings at the foot of your bed before sitting in the chair beside your bed. Even the thought of having lost you sent Colter spiralling. Which was why he reached out and touched your hand. He needed to know you were alive. 

Then he started counting your pulse from your wrist with the machine beside your bed. 

And he did that everytime he came in to see you until you finally woke up. 

When you did, Colter was asleep, holding both your hand and your wrist. There was a blanket over his shoulders which you could only guess was from one of the nurses. 

It took you a moment but everything came back and the last thing you could remember was Colter’s voice calling your name in the back of the Sheriff’s car. 

Carefully, you removed your hand from Colter’s before pushing back the hair from his face. 

“Colter?”

It took him a moment before coming round. 

“Colter?” You asked once more, your thumb rubbing at his temple. 

And when he did finally open his eyes, it took him a moment before he realised you were awake. 

His hand came to yours before he placed it in both of his hands and he stood up. “You’re awake.”

It wasn’t long before a nurse came inside with a bright smile, once she saw you were awake. 

“You’re lucky your husband got you here as quickly as he did. Breathe in for me.”

You leaned forward a little more, looking at Colter who had a little coy smile on his face. Clearly he hadn’t shut down the ‘husband’ thing. You took a deep breath in. 

“Reenie’ll be glad to know you’re finally awake.”

And she was. She arrived a couple of hours later, rushing inside before hugging you as tight as she could without hurting you. 

It wasn’t long after that, along with a few teasing words from Reenie about being ‘the happy couple’, that she got called away for a case and you were finally discharged. 

“She’ll need help changing her bandages,” The nurses explained to Colter, handing him a couple extra supplies and a list of things you’d have to get and how to use them. 

It was never a second thought to Colter to bring you back to his home. He could have driven you the hour and a half to your place, but he wanted you close. And safe. 

You would be at home, and you would be with him. But…it was just something a little extra. 

And you never questioned it. In fact, you avoided bringing it up to avoid the conversation that you should go home and that he should leave, most likely, for his next case. 

And when you asked him to stay, you were glad he did so. 

Because falling asleep in his arms was the place you felt most safe. 

[thewulf]

Interesting || Joel Miller

Summary: I’m craving some more Joel Miller angst to fluff. Hurt/Comfort even? And some Ellie! I haven’t seen much Ellie in your work so maybe her to? Up to you. Timeline set closer to the second game/season... Read Rest Here

A/N: Well... I started playing the second TLOU game and I got to that Abby scene and I'm... a mess. I don't think I can watch the second season of TLOU lmaooo byeee... ANYWAY please enjoy. Heads up - my summer classes are staring up so I'll be slowing way down on my posting for the next 8 weeks. Love you guys!

Pairing: Joel Miller x Y/N

Word Count: 6.5k+

It was cold. So fucking cold. You didn’t have your heavy jacket on you when you had to flee. Running for days. Days turned to nights turned back to days. You had to keep running. Every time you stopped they caught up to you. Hunted. That’s what was going on now. How sick. What a fun world. Hunted for fun at this point.

You kept going until your feet couldn’t physically move anymore. This was it. Hopefully the cold or the hunger took you before they found you. The same group of men who murdered your partner and his girlfriend so easily. Your partner and your good friend not thirty feet from you. Killed as if they weren’t anything. No mercy. Shot right in the chest five time each. You’d been out to use the restroom when they were ambushed. You were saved by mere minutes and a decision.

You’d wanted to scream. The people you’d been traveling the country with after escaping the Austin QZ years prior had been killed so senselessly. They weren’t infected. They weren’t a bother. They weren’t even hunting the area. They were killed for sport. For fun. No use. It’d been nearly twenty years since outbreak days and the horrors that humans committed still never sat right with you. It was so pointless. So senseless. It hurt knowing people were just cruel to be cruel.

It was life or death now. You were standing thirty feet from them and miraculously hadn’t spotted you yet. You took off without another thought. You didn’t have the right boots. You didn’t have the right coat. But this was your only chance. It was either that or get gunned down. As hellish as the world was you had some fucking sick desire to keep living in it. Good old human instinct. Fight to the very end.

You ran until you couldn’t anymore. Until you needed to rest. Finding a tree, you slid down to base of it using the trunk as a pillow. Sleep never came easy before but now? Now it seemed impossible when you were actively being hunted. But you needed it. You had to. So, you tried. Tried your best to get some sleep.

 You felt it before you saw it. Fuck. Maybe you slept longer than you thought you would? How had they caught up to you already? You felt the barrel of some sort of rifle pressed to your temple like you’d felt so many times before. Would this finally be the time a bullet would actually be fired? Your end met?

You were able to turn getting quick look at whomever it was. To your utter surprise it was a girl. A small girl. Not a raider. Maybe just maybe you could talk your way out of this one.

“Who the fuck are you?” She tried to sound intimidating. You knew because you did the exact same. The both of you had to be brash. Aggressive. It was life or death outside the walls of a QZ.

You closed your eyes calculating what the hell to do. Tell her the truth? Lie straight to her face? Try and divert the conversation?

“Where am I?” You asked hearing your voice for the first time in days. It almost sounded foreign to you now.

She scoffed rolling her eyes pushing the gun further into your head, “I asked who the fuck you were.” You closed your eyes slowly feeling he cool metal pushing into the side of your head. She wasn’t going to do it. She didn’t want to do it.

“Y/N. You need to go.” You shivered feeling the effects of the melted snow crawling its way up your jeans. You didn’t have your sleeping bag to shield you between the ground and your clothes.

The barrel of the gun dropped slightly so it wasn’t contacting your head. She must’ve seen the fear in your eyes, “Why would I do that?” She still had the gun pointed at you. You wiggled your legs hoping you’d regain the feeling. You sighed knowing you still wouldn’t make it that far on foot. You were truly gassed.

“I’m being hunted. They’re bound to be here soon kid.” You didn’t feel like elaborating as you closed your eyes leaning your head back on the tree. How had it come to this? How did he die before you? He was the more careful one. He was the more calculated one. He was the one that deserved to live. Not you.

She frowned dropping the gun completely now, “What?”

Eyes opening slightly, you noticed her more relaxed stance, “Some raiders,” You sighed recalling what you’d been through in the last three days. Horror. Definitely your worst three days since outbreak day, “They killed my partner and his girlfriend. I’ve been running from them for a few days. I don’t really know anymore. Every time I think I’ve lost them they catch right back up.” You felt the tears coming on. You’d thought you’d already cried them out over the last three days but apparently not. You would have never of dreamed of crying in front of a stranger like this before. But what’d you have to lose at this point? You’d accepted your death. Who really cared if you cried in front of her. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered anymore.

She groaned suddenly very conflicted, “Fuck.” She threw her rifle over her shoulder, “Stay here.” You nodded seeing her jump on her horse and trot off calling for somebody named Joel.

You smiled knowing it was likely nearing the end for you. She didn’t have the guts to kill you. Not that you blamed her, you wouldn’t either. But you understood the world you now lived in. She had to go get this Joel person to do it. It was fine. You just hoped they would make it quick. Have some mercy on you. The raiders wouldn’t. They would take their time with you since you ran. Maybe it wasn’t the worst option.

You closed your eyes hoping maybe the darkness would take over again. But your wishes didn’t come true when you heard the girl’s voice shout, “Over here.” A much deeper than hers responded with a grunt. Must’ve been the Joel she was calling for.

“Ellie, this is a bad idea. Let’s head back.” You had to agree with him. This was a very bad idea. You tried moving your legs again, but you were left with literally nothing. You knew you weren’t paralyzed because you could feel them. They just didn’t have enough energy to move.

You just knew she was rolling her eyes. She seemed like the type, “Shut up. She’s right over here.” You heard her voice get much closer, “Found ya!” She grinned jumping down from her horse, “Over here old man!” She shouted a little too loudly for your comfort. What if the raiders were close?

“You did.” The smile that crossed your lips was rare. But you knew these would be your last moments anyway. Why not smile? Why not show that human emotion that always wanted to come out but had been refused for decades at this point.

“I brought you these. Well, actually Joel did. But he didn’t need them. You do. So here you go.” She handed you a pile of beef jerky and a bottle of what you assumed to be water.

You took them quickly before looking at her curiously, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Eat up.” She nodded watching you expectedly. You didn’t want to question her, but you had to wonder what the hell she was up to? Maybe they weren’t going to shoot you right then and there.

You shook your head in disbelief. You hadn’t a clue that Joel had been and continued to watch the interaction between the two women before him. Your smile was something like he hadn’t seen in years. It struck a small feeling in his heart as he watched your soft expression study Ellie. He didn’t like that he was thinking these thoughts about you. Last time he let that happen his heart was shattered in an instant when she was bitten. It’s a cruel fucking world he wished he didn’t have to participate in. He’d only looked at you for thirty god damned seconds and you had him questioning everything. What in the hell was wrong with him?

“Why?” You were too curious for you own good.

She shrugged, “Why not?”

You laughed in retort, “I can think of about a million reasons…” Joel smiled enjoying your truthfullness. He knew how sharp you had to be to survive with a partner out in the open let alone by yourself. He didn’t want to be impressed but with each word you spoke he grew a tad more curious.

Ellie stopped you by shaking her head quickly, “Just eat. Are you really arguing about the food right now?” She raised an eyebrow sitting down next to you.

You nodded, “Fair.” Taking a big bite of the jerky not really giving a damn what you looked like. This was everything you needed and more.

“Joel, you can come out now.” Ellie rolled her eyes. You felt a strange solace sitting by the girl. A comfort you rarely felt towards anybody let alone a complete stranger. She was so warm towards you. Unafraid of what you could be capable of. A pure heart.

You watched as the older man slowly approached watching the both of you cautiously. You smiled softly observing his careful nature. You took him in for a moment too long. Eyes making contact on accident you looked away quickly. Making sure to thank Ellie for the food. You knew you wouldn’t make it anywhere without it. Whether she’d admit it or not she literally did save your life.

Even you had to admit he was rather handsome. You’d have guessed he was fifteen or so years older than you. It didn’t mean you couldn’t appreciate what was right in front of you though. I mean come on. He was tall, muscular, gruff, and handsome. So, fucking handsome. It’d been a long time since you’d been able to appreciate a man’s attractiveness, but here you were. Appreciating him. How could you not? The man was everything you could’ve dreamed up.

“Sorry for him. He’s like this normally. Grumpy old dude.” She smiled seeing you devour the second strip. Whether you wanted to admit it or not you were starving, and the jerky strips were delicious.

“You infected?” He asked taking a small, cautious step forward.

You shook your head quickly, “No, I promise I’m not.” You put your hands up when his gun made aim for you. Oddly, you didn’t feel threatened by it. You knew he was doing it for their protection. Again, nothing you wouldn’t do. “Are you alone?” He looked around skeptically as if he didn’t believe your story. Like you’d planned an ambush or something. You didn’t blame him. You’d operated the same way until they got killed. You could never be too careful. You had to laugh to yourself, in a different world the two of you would’ve made amazing partners. You’d agreed with his and her tactics along each step in the overly cautious first meeting.

You nodded your head, “Technically yes. But I am being tracked. Hunted if you will.” You didn’t want to lie to him either. You watched as his hardened face took in your words and softened ever so slightly as he truly registered your words. Hunted. Who would hunt you?

You didn’t give him much time to respond as you went through the same story you told Ellie an hour prior. How the only people you’d loved for so long had been killed so mercilessly. While you were alone you weren’t alone out here. He understood taking a second looking at Ellie before turning back to you.

“Come on.” He sighed pointing at Ellie, “You’re explanin’ this to Tommy and Maria.” He grumbled before hopping on his horse trotting away without waiting on the two of you.

Ellie’s grin instantly brought joy right to you. She wasn’t like anyone you’d met before. Pre or post outbreak. She stood giving you her hand, “Can you stand?”

You nodded knowing you were going to have to find your way onto the horse, “Yeah.” You took her hand letting her pull you up, “Thanks.” You mumbled finding your footing. Using your arm, you leaned on the tree while you let the blood rush through your legs again. Already feeling lightheaded from the exertion, you didn’t know how far you’d actually make it.

“Sure, think you can make it up on Shimmer?” She pointed to the brown horse with a white diamond on its forehead. It was the simple things like naming horses that felt so domestic it almost hurt you. You craved for the world that little 14-year-old you grew up in a lifetime ago. Where you could go horseback riding or apple picking without a care in the world.

You were 16 going on 17 when the world went to hell right before your very eyes. You’d been a lucky one already living in Austin when it was walled off and sealed from the outside world. You’d spent ten years living and working low wage jobs and living in shitty apartment with your brother before he was killed in a random shooting down in the streets not far from where you lived. You’d already lost your mom on outbreak day and your father not long after that.

Then you met him. Joseph. Joey. Your partner. You’d started with small runs just for extra cash, so you didn’t have to work those shitty jobs endlessly. Then he’d convinced you to go on the run with him. It only took him a few months then you’d agreed. You’d met Sasha on the way. His girl. She was quick and smart. You’d become fast friends and the three of you became a trio. For ten years you’d lived as such. You’d never found anyone. It was alright with you. You were just trying to survive. You were ready to live that way for the rest of your life. Overly content with your best friends.

That was until they were murdered.

“I can try.” You walked over slowly, carefully. Thankful for the food you’d eaten only moments prior given you a little strength. You’d managed to find the stirrup and hoist yourself up. Ellie noticed you struggling to throw your leg over, so she helped. Using he shoulder she pushed a leg up and over the smaller horse. You sighed feeling horrifically weak. Thank God you’d managed to be found by two people who weren’t going to hurt you.

“Thanks again, Ellie.” You mumbled grabbing onto her once she hopped in front of you to guide the horse back to wherever the hell they came from.

She kept her eyes forward as she had Shimmer move forward trying to catch up to Joel. She was still on patrol after all, “Yeah, no problem. You owe me though.” She grinned knowing you were kind enough not to argue back.

“Yeah, I mean I do. Saved my ass.” You leaned your head on her back as the horse trotted along. You didn’t want to, but you were exhausted. It was taking everything in you not to pass out right then and there. So, laying on her was your only option to saving the energy needed to stay awake.

You must’ve nodded in and out of consciousness as she shouted at you abruptly, “Y/N!”

“Yeah?” Your eyes opened in surprised. The gentle rhythm of the horses steps stopped so suddenly.

“You’ve gotta stay awake.” She sounded more annoyed than worried. You appreciated her for that. You had to admit you’d be acting the same way.

“I’m trying.” You hummed knowing you weren’t going to make it, “But I feel so heavy.” Your knew your words were slurring as you tried holding onto her tighter. You heard her call for Joel before you slumped into her further succumbing to the darkness in front of you.

You woke under the most comfortable set of covers in what looked to be a home in the woods. Turning in the bed you saw the fireplace was blazing lowly keeping the room cozy compared to the freezing outdoors that had nearly killed you. The memories of the last few hours came rushing back. Looking around you didn’t see anybody in the room with you. Where in the hell were you anyway?

When you stood you noticed the IV hooked up to your arm. That was probably why you were feeling so much fucking better. It was light out. Probably mid-day. That meant you were either out for almost a day since Ellie and Joel found you last night. You rolled the cart with you as you made your way to the bedroom door. You probably should’ve been more freaked out, but you still felt oddly calm about the whole situation. You’d already accepted your death, and this was somehow turning out to be the best-case scenario.

Opening the door, you braced for the worst thankful to be met by a mostly empty living room. The whole thing felt oddly familiar. Like your own family home so long-ago pre-outbreak. You tried walking out only to be stopped by the IV stand getting blocked in the doorway, “Shit.” You groaned knowing you had just inadvertently pulled out your IV and were probably profusely bleeding.

You quickly grasped your forearm with your free hand hoping to stop some of the blood flow.

“Oh! You’re up.” Ellie’s cheerful voice rang from behind you. Spinning around her face dropped once she saw the blood dripping from your arm, “Shit, Maria!” She called loudly for the woman. She just wasn’t good with this kind of stuff. She knew what she was good at and it certainly wasn’t care taking.

“Yes, Ellie?” The woman named Maria came running out of what you presumed to be the kitchen.

Ellie just pointed at you and your arm. Maria’s eyes followed. She didn’t say much before springing into action. She pulled you into the bathroom not far from your room.

“Sorry.” You spoke softly as she worked to close the IV line in your arm.

She shook her head, “It’s okay. Are you alright?” She did a once over of your appearance, much more pleased with your normal color rather than the ghostly pale one you came in with.

“I am. Much better. Thank you. For that. All of this.” You weren’t much for words. Joey never was. Sasha got you talking more often but even she tired of your shorter answers. Ever since your brother passed you hadn’t had much to speak into the world. A part of you died with him all those years ago.

She nodded slowly. Eyes right on the spot of the bleeding. She cleaned it up before wrapping it. Ellie stood in the doorway watching the whole thing. As much as she didn’t want to know she needed to know. She had to know these kinds of things. Maria wouldn’t always be around to do it for her.

“Sure thing.”

“Where am I?” You had to ask again. Ellie never gave you an answer when you asked the day prior. This was all so incredible to you. The bathroom lights worked. There was hot water coming out of the sink. The house smelled good and was well maintained. People lived here.

She stood up watching you admire the space before you. She knew how amazing it was. Especially when you hadn’t seen anything like it in years. Sure, the QZ had power, but it was spotty at best. It certainly didn’t have heat or air-conditioning. That was a luxury few had.

“Jackson, Wyoming.” She answered your question, “A small commune. We’ve been here for almost ten years now.

“Wow.” You walked out of the bathroom after Ellie moved looking around you. Ellie forgot how incredible it all really was. It was easy to get complacent, “This is amazing. I’ve never run into a place like this.”

She smiled, “Few and far in between. We stay quiet. For good reason.”

You nodded, “I won’t tell anyone, I promise. I’ll get out of your hair soon. Thank you for everything.”

She gave you a quizzical look, “Where are you going?” Ellie watched in almost amusement. Where did you think you were going?

You shrugged, “Not sure, I guess.” You didn’t have a plan, but it wasn’t staying here. You didn’t think you were wanted.

Maria laughed. Straight belly laughed in your face. Ellie joined in when she didn’t stop. You smiled feeling the contagion hit. You couldn’t even help the small laughs that left your lips. What another foreign fucking feeling. You hadn’t laughed in literal years. Joey wasn’t one for the giggles and Sasha always respected that. That was a piece of you that you thought died with your brother.

“You’re tough. That’s for sure. But you wouldn’t make it far. You’ll stay.” She said so matter of factly you weren’t even sure if you were going to question her. Like it was so unquestionable.

“Really?” You weren’t sure why you kept pressing your luck, but you did.

She nodded, “You’re young, able bodied and will be completely healed up here soon. We’d love to have you here.”

You looked out the front door in awe of the rows of homes that lined the street. You assumed you were in some sort of neighborhood. You watched as a pair of children raced down the street on bicycles screaming and laughing as the snow slush spit out behind them. You smiled as a neighbor tried to get their dog to come inside but clearly wasn’t having it. Everything looked and felt so oddly normal. Like you were taken and placed back in time from so long ago.

“Half a mile north is the town square. Joel and Ellie live a few houses down that way. We’ll put you up in a home across the street from them. Tommy and Joel just finished it up.” She pointed as she spoke.

You kept looking at her like it was all a big dream. Maybe the raiders really did get you. How were you to be the one to get so lucky? It just didn’t seem right.

You nodded afraid your voice would crack.

“Ellie, why don’t you show her the house? There’s a coat by the door for you. Ellie and I picked some clothes out for you while you were asleep and left them in the house.”

“Thank you. For all of this. I can’t even begin to thank you for everything.” Speaking quietly, you found it hard to look them in the eye. This wasn’t common. People being kind for the good of it. Because they didn’t want to kill.

She gave Maria a curt nod before putting her coat and shoes coaxing you along, “Come on Y/N.” You followed her out of Maria’s home after putting on the new boots she had gotten you. Again, you thanked her profusely still not used to the kindness. You were ready to do whatever the town needed now. Need a hunter? You’d learn. Patrol? You had a good shot. Gardner? That’s what you were good at.

You were used to walking quietly. Sasha would often fill the void with her chatter. You and Joey would occasionally chime in. Sometimes Sasha would find a topic that got you interested in for more than five minutes. Those times were rare though. You were merely surviving in this world. You weren’t here to thrive.

Ellie was apparently not used to walking in silence. She started bombarding you with questions the second you left the warmth of Maria’s home. The cold hit you like a ton of bricks. It amazed you how you were able to survive it in the open for as long as you did.

“Where are you from?” She asked once you got your bearings about you.

You smiled remembering that old life. The one that seemed so fucking simple compared to this, “Texas.”

“Just like Joel!”

A small smile crept over your lips. The two of you seemed to have so much in common the more you learned about him, “Oh yeah?”

She nodded smiling, “Yeah!”

“What about you? Where are you from Ellie?”

She shrugged, “Grew up in Boston.”

You had to laugh, “We’re far from home.”

She joined in, “Do we really have a home anymore?”

Looking down at her you didn’t try to hide the frown, “I’m afraid not. Especially now that I have no one. Again.” You felt defeated. Each time you started to build a life it was suddenly ripped right from your grasp. First your brother, then Joey and Sasha.

Her soft smile felt sincere as you nodded contemplating what to tell her. Again, what did you have to lose? Might as well tell her everything. So, everything you did. The two of you walked slow as you told her all about your brother. How he was killed. How you found a new person in Joey. How the rest turned to history.

She was fascinated by your story. She thought that she had been on an adventure but couldn’t fathom what you’d been through by being outside a QZ for nearly ten years. She hadn’t heard about many people like you. Probably because there weren’t many people like you. It was too brutal. Too risky. One slip up and it’s over. Joey and Sasha were proof of that. You should’ve been but you were lucky. So fucking lucky.

You were nothing short of amazed when you walked into the home, and it already seemed cozier than Maria’s. Everything was stocked with anything you could need. The kitchen cabinets were loaded, the clothes were piled high on the bed on the main floor.

You’d invited her to stay to keep talking. For whatever reason Ellie was able to pull it out of you. You wanted to talk to her. Ask her questions. She was so real in this fucked up world. Too often the people you came by tried to sugar coat the situation. She was refreshing. A rarity.

You were sure you would’ve kept going had Joel not walked right through the front door. Only freezing when Ellie let out a, “What the fuck are you doing in here?”

He turned giving her a stunned expression, “Me? What are you doing in here?” He’d known her for years now, but he never tired of her personality. He adored it. Adored the kid growing far too fast for his liking.

Ellie, again, pointed right at you making Joel’s eyes lock with yours. You gave him a soft grin, waving slowly feeling a tad uncomfortable by the attention. Joel relaxed immediately.

“You’re up? Already?” He so desperately wanted to walk forward and give you a once over. The strange desire to protect you hadn’t gone away. But he knew better. You can’t get attached in this world. Never ever. He’d already let Ellie in on his small circle. He couldn’t let it get too big. That’s when bad things started happening.

“I am.” You nodded. A woman of few words. What were you supposed to say? It’s not like he gave

“You look a lot better.” He commented before turning to Ellie again. He’d sit there and stare at you all day if it wasn’t so god damn creepy.

“I feel it too. Thank you.” You kept it short this time. Thanking him not only for the comment but for agreeing to help you in the woods.

He nodded feeling a small heat creep up his neck. He needed to snap the hell out of it and quick. He couldn’t be having physical reactions to such innocent comments. It seemed as if you were trying to kill him already and you didn’t even fucking know it. He was a goner, and he knew it. His only chance was to avoid you. But he had a feeling that’d be damn near impossible with you living right across the street and Ellies uncanny ability to make friends with almost anybody she wanted… he was toast.

Ellie noticed. Course she noticed. She loved picking on her surrogate father. A dude who’d never claimed to be but always took on the role. People problems? She ran to Joel. Gun issues? She called for Joel’s help. Issues with schoolwork? She used Joels contractor brain to solve her issues. It was her role as his self-proclaimed adopted daughter to make his life a living hell. A fun living hell.

“Y/N! Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight?” Ellie grinned giving Joel the side eye, “Joel’s making burgers and they’re so good.”

Joel’s eyes went wide as he glared at the girl. She had a knack for picking up on things far too quickly for his liking.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to impose.” You spoke. It already felt like you were a burden on Joel. Hell, he wouldn’t even turn to look at you.

Joel turned back almost accepting defeat so soon, “It’s fine. It’s no imposition.” Short and to the point.

“Alright. I’ll come over.” You smiled sweetly at Joel hoping he’d know it was a thank you. You didn’t know how rare the smile Joel flashed you was. When he turned back to Ellie he was scowling once again. She hadn’t a clue he’d flashed you one too.

“Six work?” He asked.

You nodded, “Six works.”

“Okay.” He turned to leave before Ellie stood to stop him.

“Weren’t you here for something?”

He pointed at her, “The sink. Need to hook up the washer. Last thing.” He nodded at you as he disappeared off into the kitchen leaving the two of you once again. You continued talking until he left. Ellie got up to follow him over letting you get settled before tonight.

“He likes snickerdoodle cookies by the way.”

You had to laugh shaking your head, “Of course. Every Texan’s favorite cookie.”

She nodded her head excitedly, “So you know how to make them?”

“By heart. I’d never forget.”

She clapped her hands together. You were clueless as hell to her devious plan. Operation get Joel together with Y/N. Joel never showed interest in a single soul. So, the second he did Ellie was going to pounce on it. That was her promise, “Perfect. See you tonight with those snickerdoodles!” She waved before shutting your door. It still amazed you this was now your life. A little safe haven in the middle of no where Wyoming. What could go wrong?

You’d rapid fire knocked on their front door. It was so fucking freezing out here. How you didn’t freeze to death was a mystery.

Ellie flung the door open not too long after, “You look pretty.” She commented after taking your coat from you.

Smiling you nodded, “Showers help quite a bit.”

She shook her head, “No, I think your just a pretty person.

“Ellie!” Joel called through a door, “Would you stop?” That’s when Joels eyes caught yours. He was a bit taken aback. Ellie was right. You weren’t just pretty. You were drop dead fucking gorgeous. Who in the hell were you?

Your soft smile turned to one much larger, “It’s sweet. Thank you Ellie.” Ruffling her hair, you walked over to him. He wanted desperately to back away into the kitchen. You were all consuming. Too much for him to handle. But he also didn’t want to see you frown or get upset by his actions.

Handing him a small plate of cookies you grinned looking up at him, “For you. As a thank you. A little birdie told me you liked snickerdoodle’s.”

He laughed taking them from your grasp as gently as he could, “You didn’t have to.”

“I know. I wanted to. You’ve all been so kind. It’s a small thank you.”

He took them gratefully meeting your eyes again, “Come on in, burgers are almost done. I’m sure Ellie wants to show you around.”

She nodded, “Those cookies… are for me to? As a thank you?”

You laughed a good true laugh. One that was so absent from your life for so long, “Of course Ellie. I’ll even make some more if you ask.”

She immediately went to hug you tightly, “Thank you! Now come on, I wanna show you my room.” She grabbed your hand dragging you along without much reluctance.

Joel watched the innocent interaction with love in his eyes. It was easy for Ellie to make friends, but it wasn’t easy for her to actually like them. Ellie didn’t like many people. Joel most days. Maria sometimes. Tommy almost never. Dina all the time. She seemed to genuinely like you. He hadn’t seen Ellie so eager to help with such a spark in her eye. Like she found a sister. Somebody with a common bond.

Maybe it could work with you. You seemed sweet. He knew you were more than capable. Who in the hell just lives outside the QZ? You were mad and he kind of loved it. He’d known you for what? All of an hour and here he was planning stuff with you in mind? He was mad and he didn’t know if he loved it or not.

Joel was setting out the onion and tomato Ellie pulled from the garden earlier out when the two of you walked into the kitchen.

“So, who was your favorite singer before the outbreak happened?” Ellie asked ignoring Joel’s curious glance up from the kitchen.

You laughed remembering those days spent gossiping in the hallways of your high school. What you’d give to go live a day like that again, “Not a person, a band. NSYNC. God, they were everything to me. Sixteen and had dreams of marrying JC one day.” You hummed remembering the posters that lined your bedroom wall.

Ellie grinned ear to ear hearing that response, “Guess what I have on the CD player?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“Shut the hell up. Don’t tell me you have an NSYNC album?” You beamed with excitement. Oh, how long it’d been since you’d heard that band sing. You’d occasionally hear music hear and there. Nothing consistent though.

“I do! After dinner we can listen.” Ellie looked proud of herself Joel noticed. You looked like a little kid in a candy store eating that information up.

“That was Sarah’s favorite band too. That or what’s the other one? The Back Boys?” Joel joined in setting the burgers down at the table. He’d taken a seat next to you and not Ellie at the four-person table.

“The Backstreet Boys.” You laughed appreciating that he somewhat remembered, “I liked them. But preferred NSYNC. Who’s Sarah?” You never knew when things would get awkward, but you felt the air shift in the room.

“My daughter.” Joel answered forgetting you weren’t already part of the family. How quickly you seemed to mold in.

You nodded deciding not to press further, “She has wonderful taste.”

“Had.” He sighed knowing you weren’t planning on leaving anytime soon. What would be the use in hiding it or lying about it? The truth always came out. It could never hide, “She was shot on outbreak day.”

You nodded in understanding. You’d lost as much as he had at the same time, “I’m sorry. It never gets easier does it?”

He shook his head, “Never. Who’d you lose?” He didn’t care for pleasantries and what was proper. He wanted to get to know you the real you. You prepared your burger as you thought of your answer. Taking your time letting Joel know you needed it.

“My mom on outbreak day. My dad a few days later. Shot by FEDRA. My brother ten years after that. Killed in a Firefly incident.” You leaned back in your chair observing his reaction while he studied yours.

He nodded silently while fixing his plate.

“Was life fun?” Ellie asked, “Before?”

You laughed taking a long swig of the iced tea Joel had poured for you, “My life was. It was amazing. It wasn’t perfect but it was everything.”

Joel nodded in agreement, “It surely wasn’t perfect. There was stress. But it was different.”

You smiled, “I prefer that stress. Can I afford my gas this week? Rather than am I dying today?”

It got a chuckle out of both of them as Joel nodded agreeing with you, “Much preferred to this.”

Before anybody could respond the landline rang. It was a sound so unfamiliar it had you jumping out of your seat, “Is that a telephone?”

Joel nodding with a slick smirk on his face, “They have everything here.”

Ellie shot up from her seat, “That might be Dina! I told her to call after her patrol. Do you mind?” She gave Joel the cheesiest grin. He simply waved her off which was his signal to let her know it was fine, she could go.

You watched him watch her. It was clear he loved her dearly. Maybe even as much as a daughter. You hadn’t met many men like him, but you knew he was special. Just like Ellie was. You’d needed this so bad. So, fucking desperately. Just when you didn’t think you could go on it’s like the universe gave you a new purpose. One to simply exist and learn now. Grow and feel safe again. Like the challenge had been conquered and you were being given your reward. You just needed to take it. He was sitting right there watching you now, lost in thought.

He didn’t turn once you caught him staring. He just smiled and continued watching. You decided to ignore him and start eating. Too enticed by the smell rather than wait on Ellie.

He grinned joining you, “You’re very interesting, Y/N.” He simply stated after taking a large bite from his burger.

“Hopefully a good interesting and not a bad one.” Your heart sped up as he acknowledged you.

“Definitely the good one.” He tipped his head as if there was a hat on his head, “We don’t get too many new commers around here. When we do they’re usually stuffy. It’s nice to have ya. A nice change.” That’d definitely been the most he had spoken to you since you got here, and it was incredibly kind. He was trying and that was simply more than you could ask for. Just as Ellie had sensed it you had too. You’d seen his apprehension die down as he got to know you just a bit more. He was beginning to feel calm in your presence. Bringing out the good in him.

“Thank you Joel.” You felt the heat rise to your cheeks. You didn’t bother putting makeup on. Honestly, you’d forgotten how to do it. And why would you have needed it? You had forgotten how blissfully your cheeks exposed you at the drop of a hat.

“Anytime darlin’, anytime.” He didn’t know where in the hell this was going to end up, but he was starting to get more than excited for the ride he was about to take. The gleam in your eye told him he needed to buckle up or you’d buck him right on off.

Taglist: @loving-and-dreaming

[epiclamer]

Okokok this one may be a little specific sorry about that. I decided to pull an all nighter do yk.

Anyways, i had this scenario in my mind that I'd love to see in your style. Basically, hero is just very sick because of some injury getting an infection or something and villain took notice of that and brings them in to help them. They find it weird that hero keeps clinging to them and chalks it up the the delirium. Then hero starts making small comments Abt how soft villain's touch is, and how long it's been since they've been comforted, and it's just villain slowly realizing that hero is very touchstarved for affection and attention bc they don't have any family back at home or something

Don't hafta write this, and if you wanna change up things that's aye-okay! No pressure

Alright genius, I’ll do my best 🫡

Pinning the Blame

Not normally did Villain call in for extra days off, usually they only took a week a year and left it at that. They’d show up to fights no matter what was going on if they were out of vacation to spare. Which is why it made sense that they had to convince the Supervillain with a breezy lie that the situation was life or death.

Yet the situation wasn’t life or death at all. It was Hero.

Villains fingers on their left hand tapped rapidly against the leather sofa, it wasn’t very comfortable—made for show not sitting—and squeaked every time you moved, but their guest didn’t seem to mind. Hero was thoroughly lapping up the comfort, soaking in the care they were receiving through the bundle of blankets Villain had wrapped them in.

One of their hands were free and they easily managed to snatch Villain’s and interlock their fingers. Keeping the criminal close, Hero feared they might lose everything to a feverish dream if they let go; they couldn’t risk that.

“Any better than yesterday?” The villain’s leg was bouncing now, abnormally fast for what anyone could consider calm. “How you’re feeling, I meant…”

Gods, they sounded so stupid. They tried so hard to sound unfazed, but with the hero’s increasing touchiness and neediness, they were beginning to worry. It was melting their frozen heart and they were getting softer by the minute.

Hero hummed, eyes fluttering shut every few seconds as they attempted to keep their focus on the television screen. The movie wasn’t interesting, Villain had mainly put it on as a distraction for themselves, but when Hero insisted on holding hands… Their plan hadn’t worked any longer.

Every second the hero’s thumb was rubbing the back of Villain’s hand, every minute they were moving closer to the criminal’s lap and every moment they made eye contact they blushed on the spot. At first it was suspicious, now it was intriguing.

Villain wanted to push the limits, see just how much the hero wanted, how much they would take from their own nemesis. How much comfort they would find in their enemy. And most of all, how much the villain could get for themselves.

It wasn’t a secret that these jobs were lonely, in fact it got so bad that the villain had honestly been craving their fights, just to feel their touch. Maybe Hero felt the same way, maybe they could comfort each other and maybe—

“What’re you thinkin’ about?” The crime-stopper slurred, sleep mixing into their words and cheeky grin. They clawed themselves even closer to the villain, to the point where they were draped over their lap and looking up at them with exhausted bags under their eyes.

It was too late to try and contain all of the emotions pounding through their heart and thoughts running through their head. Villain knew every last one was scrawled onto their face and the hero was much too gifted when it came to reading others.

In spite of that, they lied anyways.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” If the hero hadn’t known something was up prior, they definitely did when the villain’s voice cracked sombrely as they spoke.

They raised their tired questioning look, one Villain had seen before during countless interrogations and interviews, but never before at this angle. Then they released Villains hand and pressed their palm to the villain’s heart. It beat mercilessly against the hero’s freezing skin, only racing faster now that they knew they had been caught.

“Don’t lie t’me, sweet.”

Not the nickname, anything but the nickname. Villain could handle threats and violence and beatings, but soft nicknames were damned to be the death of them.

They gulped, trying hard to avoid eye contact and ignore the hero’s lingering touch. “…You’re touchy… Ever since you got sick you’ve just been very… clingy?” Was that the right word?

At the mention of their behaviour Hero shot up, startling the villain. They looked ashamed, but the soft pink colouring their cheeks said embarrassed.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. If it’s making you uncomfortable I can stop, I didn’t mean any harm, I didn’t even notice really. I’m so sorry, I’ll stop—”

“Don’t.” Hero paused, somewhat shocked at the villain’s interruption. “Don’t stop. Please. Just tell me why.”

Hero was blushing even harder now, caught in the eyes of the villain and too drained from their illness to come up with a believable lie. They despised how easily Villain could flip the cards on them and they’d end up floundering for an answer.

Time passed faster than the crime-stopper willed it to, they needed time for a cover story, but their resources were limited and their brain was too fried to think. So they spun the blame on the most obvious thing, “my fever. It must make me delirious or something, I’m sorry.”

They didn’t blame the villain for not believing them, they could hardly even stand behind their own lie, but it was the best they could do in the spur of the moment. They weren’t that sick, sure they were delirious and sweaty for the first few days, but now it was a case of the chills and exhaustion at worst.

Both of them knew that.

However, Villain didn’t look distrustful at all after being told a boldfaced lie. They didn’t look betrayed or hurt, they looked sad. Not overshadowed by any other emotion, they simply looked sad.

“Oh alright.”

Had the villain been hoping for a different answer? Was telling the truth actually what they needed to hear right now? If Hero told them that the real reason was because they hadn’t been cared for or comforted like this in years, would the villain be happy?

All of these questions ran through their mind as they stared at their nemesis, Villain’s eyes had returned to the movie, but they were numb and suddenly the hero felt guilty for even trying to lie in the first place.

Hero cleared their throat, trying and failing to get the villain’s attention back. “But, I… I guess I don’t get this luxury a lot, so maybe that plays a part too…”

“How so?” Villains eyes flicked to the hero’s for a split second, something hopeful in them that pressed for more.

“I just don’t have anyone,” Hero was partially glad now that the villain’s attention wasn’t on them. “I don’t— It just gets lonely, sometimes. I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

Idly Hero twirled their thumbs against each other, trying to distract from the stinging in their heart and eyes. They had been taught that any crying was a weakness, but in front of their greatest enemy? That was worse.

Villains arms caved in and their warmth overwhelmed the shivering hero, they pulled them tight to their chest in what must’ve been the first real hug the hero had had in years. That was enough to open the flood gates and push Hero into spilling tears all over the villain’s shirt. They clung to the other as tightly as possible, relishing in the comfort of the moment and Villain didn’t let go.

“Don’t apologize, I know. Stay and we can take care of each other, promise.” A soothing hand rubbed circles into Hero’s back at the kind words, instituting a horrible peaceful moment through all the chaos in their head and for the first time in their entire life, Hero was safe.

[ravensnpennies]

The Birthday of My Beloved Furchild and His Origin Story

Today is the day I celebrate Nimbus's birthday. I found him in 2014. He's changed my life for the better over that decade. I want to tell you the story of the day I brought him home.

It was hot. I remember that. I had my windows open and "God's AC" was going full-blast. The pain of dealing with the loss of my grandmother and the worry of homelessness was eating away at my sanity. The grief was so much I felt it might eat a hole right through me. I could not content with it.

Black despair the likes of which I hadn't felt in decades consumed my every waking though. Food was ash in my mouth and every drink was bitter and bile-filled. I was breaking and I wasn't sure I'd be able to survive. It was too much. The sheer...weight of what happened was destroying me.

I first heard the cries of a kitten three days prior one afternoon. I ignored it. Not my problem. But the cries persisted and persisted and slowly they got weaker. Whatever is in me that drives me made the call: I either help and investigate or live with that guilt forever. I did the former.

The sound was so faint by now. So soft and pleading. It took me almost 20 minutes to locate them coming from the neighbor's Buick "Sunday ride." He was not home at the time and his wife hated that car so when I asked to investigate she tossed me the keys. The sound was definitely coming from within.

I finally located the cat deep in the engine. Took me almost an hour but I went full on wrecking crew and dissembled it to get to him. It was a tiny, dirty kitten. He cried so much, but didn't fight. I wrapped him up in a towel, handed the keys back, and headed home with my smudged furry prize.

No, I wasn't keeping this animal. I'd saved it. That was enough. I'd take it to a no-kill shelter in the morning. I managed to get them to eat some food from a medicine dropper and then put them in a warm cozy place to sleep.

But he looked at me. Gawd, he looked at me and a cat can look at a king and he said clear as day, "Please, please let me stay? I will love you and care for you and I will be there for you every day. I will take your tears and I will purr at you to soothe your fears. Will you please let me stay?"

And God help me, I did. I didn't know how much I'd need him in the long run. How much of a change he'd bring to my life. How he kept his word and become this tiny little guardian. A lion in the body of a housecat. An angel come to Earth. But I didn't know how special he was - not till later.

You see, only a few years prior I almost died and because of organ damage I became diabetic. I'm brittle. It's rough. You make do. But something about Nimbus...something neither of us expected helped. He could tell when my glucose changed. Better, he found a way to communicate it to me.

But that wasn't all. The first time he woke me from a near diabetic coma I thought it was a fluke. He bit me till I woke up and then I dealt with it. The second time? There was something going on. When my glucose smelled like something he didn't like he would get my attention.

Usually knocking off my diabetes kit to the ground. He saved my life from extreme hypoglycemic attacks four times over the years. I'm talking EMT and ER time. Not just a low. As he grew older I realized how smart he really was. It was baffling. He wasn't any special breed or type. He was just a cat.

But he grew up big and and strong and smart as hell. He quickly grasped fuzzy concepts and relationships. He understood what I told him. I'd say a word and explain it to him and point/associate and then he'd remember. I estimate his intelligence around the 4-5 year old level. He's THAT smart.

I guess I just wanted to celebrate him a little. He deserves it. He's not just my companion, he's my child and I love and cherish him so dearly it makes my heart ache. He makes me crazy some days, but when I say I would die for this cat I mean that in the very literal sense of that phrase.

There are some other things he does. He's my work "rubberduck" - you have no idea how many hours we've spent together talking and solving problems with my writing/design. He also knows when my sleep gets stupid and reminds me. And another big one: I have night terrors. He helps.

He'll wake me up and calm me down until I can think and he just stays there till I'm as soothed as can be. He employs Aurora (our girl kitteh) as an enforcer. If I do anything he doesn't like, he goes to here, something passes between the,, then she yells until I do $whatever.

And some have asked me about how he checks my glucose. I managed to capture it tonight (and uploaded it). It's really this simple for the most part.

I love you so much, son. So damn much. And I'll always take care of you no matter what. You are not a pet. You are family and family don't begin or end with blood, much less species. To the next decade, you lovely beast.

[loveroftoomanyfandoms]

Angel of God, My Guardian Dear Chapter 20: Reader

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+, MINORS DNI)

Story Summary: While speaking at a local school for visually impaired youth, Matt runs into his childhood best friend, with whom he lost touch almost 20 years prior.

Warning/Tags: Smut, oral sex (f receiving), p in v sex, bit of breeding kink in this chapter

Word Count: ~ 3k for this chapter

A/N: Well, we've finally reached the end! Thank you to everyone who has read and liked/commented on this story -- I appreciate each and every one of you!

I'm definitely planning on continuing with The St. Agnes Years, plus I'm in the process of writing 3 one-shot sequels, so stay tuned for those!

"Let's give one more round of applause for the new Mr. & Mrs. Murdock!" The deejay said as Matt and Y/N made their way through the tunnel of well-wishers to the limousine that was waiting to whisk them away towards their new life as husband and wife.

Man, I'm glad I thought about bringing a going-away dress, Y/N thought. As beautiful and comfortable as her wedding dress was, she was happy to have had the thought of having something to change into before she and Matt had left their reception.

Matt motioned for Y/N to get into the limo first, then slid in after her.

As soon as the door was shut, Y/N pulled Matt in for a kiss. "I'm so happy to finally have gotten to marry you."

Matt let out a happy hum against her lips. "Mmm, me too, and it only took about 15 years later than I originally had hoped.”

Y/N laughed. “Hey, better late than never though, right, husband ?”

Matt chuckled. “Right you are, wife .”

Y/N turned towards the darkened window as the limo pulled out of the church parking lot and turned in the opposite direction of Matt's -- our , she silently corrected herself -- apartment. "Hey, wait, we're going the wrong way."

"Oh no, sorry angel, I forgot to tell you," Matt replied as he shrugged his tux jacket off and loosened his tie. "I got us a place for tonight so we wouldn't have to spend our wedding night at the apartment."

Y/N cuddled into Matt's side, feeling slightly guilty. "Oh, okay. That was sweet of you, Matty, thank you.”

As much as they had tried, she and Matt had been unable to find the perfect affordable home that would suit all of their needs, so about a month before the wedding they had agreed that Y/N would just move into Matt's apartment after they were married and that they would keep looking. She knew that as much as she had tried to hide it Matt could still sense her disappointment, so she figured he had booked a room at a hotel in order to try to make their wedding night special.

Matt wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "You're welcome, angel."

The car weaved through traffic, and after a few minutes it pulled to a stop.

Matt grabbed his tux jacket then opened the door and stepped out before offering a hand to Y/N.

Y/N took his hand and slid out of the limo.

Her brow furrowed as she realized that they were standing not in front of a hotel, but in front of the townhouse that Y/N had fallen in love with back when they had first started looking for a bigger place. 

As the limo drove off, she turned towards Matt, who had a wide grin on his face. "Wait a minute, what are we doing here?"

Matt pulled a set of keys out of his pocket. "Welcome home, Mrs. Murdock."

"Welcome home? Wha--" Y/N sucked in a breath. "Matthew Michael Murdock, you did not."

Matt chuckled and nodded. “I did.”

"How ? How could you possibly have afforded this?"

Matt shook his head, a bright grin on his handsome face. "You remember the money my dad had left me when I was a kid?"

Y/N nodded. Matt had confided in her when they were kids that since the odds were so stacked against his dad during Jack's final fight with Victor Creel that he had wound up inheriting well over a million dollars. "Well yeah, but I figured that money was long gone. I know some of it was used to pay for your eye doctor visits as well as your training with Stick, and on top of that law school sure isn't cheap, nor is a penthouse apartment in Hell's Kitchen."

Matt shook his head. "Actually, even with my medical bills and what St. Agnes paid Stick for my training I had plenty left over for college, but since I wound up getting a full scholarship to Columbia I didn't actually wind up using any of it for school. Then I got a really great deal on my old apartment because of the neon billboard outside of the living room window, so most of the money has actually been sitting in the bank collecting interest for the past 28 years. I figured why not finally spend it by surprising my wife with our dream home as a wedding gift?"

Y/N shook her head. "But we weren't even engaged at the time."

Matt shrugged, a small smile on his face. "Yeah, but I was already planning on proposing on our Friendiversary and knew you were gonna say yes."

Y/N laughed. "Oh you did now, huh?"

"Mmhmm. Or at least, I was sure enough to spend most of my life's savings.” Matt nuzzled her nose with his. “As soon as you were headed back to your apartment after we toured this place and knew for sure that it was our dream home, I went back in and made an offer the previous owners couldn't refuse."

“No wonder it went so quickly!” Y/N playfully swatted him on the arm . "I can't believe you kept this from me for months , Matthew. What happened to 'no secrets between best friends', huh Murdock?"

Matt grinned and shook his head. "I figured you wouldn't mind me keeping this one secret from you for a while, although I did almost give up the surprise several times because I hated knowing how upset and stressed out you were about us not being able to find a place that we liked nearly as much as this one."

"I'm sorry, angel," he had said when Y/N had looked up the listing for the townhouse a few weeks after they had toured it and discovered that it had sold almost immediately. "I know how much we both loved that place."

"It's fine," Y/N had replied, the words sounding flat even to her ears. "No matter how much we loved it and how perfect it was for us it's not like we could ever have afforded the mortgage, even with both our salaries. We'll find something, I'm sure of it. We'll just have to keep looking for something within our budget."

Matt had wrapped his arms around her and given her a gentle kiss. “It'll be okay, angel, I promise. I just want you to be happy.”

Y/N's eyes filled with tears as the selflessness and love behind Matt's gesture fully hit her. "So this is really ours?"

Matt nodded. "Yeah, angel. It's really ours. Right now it's in my name only, obviously, but I drew up a new deed this morning to make us officially co-owners on paper. We'll just have to wait for our signed marriage license to get filed on Monday before we can get Foggy to notarize and file the new deed for us."

Y/N wrapped her arms around Matt and gave him a kiss. "I love you so damn much, you know that, right?"

Matt wiped the tears from her eyes. "I love you too."

Y/N looked up at their new home once again. "So can we go in?"

Matt chuckled. "Yeah, angel, of course."

They headed up the stairs to the entrance.

Y/N let out a giggle as Matt unlocked and opened the door then scooped her up in a bridal carry.

She gave him a kiss. "Love you, Mr. Murdock."

"And I love you, Mrs. Murdock," Matt replied, carrying her over the threshold before setting her down.

As they walked through their new home, Y/N was surprised to see Matt's dining set, sofa and coffee table in their respective areas as well as the boxes of belongings that she had moved over to Matt's earlier in the week. "Wait, when and how did all of our stuff get in here?" she asked as they walked up the stairs to the living room.

"This morning after Karen dropped your suitcase off at my place," Matt replied, draping his tux jacket over the back of the couch and taking his glasses off. "Foggy helped me pack my stuff up yesterday and I hired movers to actually move everything."

“What's going to happen with your apartment? Are you going to lease it out?”

Matt shook his head. “I sold it to the current owner of my building a couple of months ago with the stipulation that he let me lease it back until after the wedding.”

He gestured around the mostly-empty space. "I know we'll have to do a lot of furniture shopping when we get back from our honeymoon, but I wanted us to be able to spend our first night as husband and wife in the home that we'll share for the rest of our lives, so I figured bare minimum was better than nothing."

Y/N gave Matt a tender kiss. "Matty, sweetheart, this is perfect . Thank you so much.”

Matt chuckled. “I was so nervous that you’d find a place that would work for us and that you'd like better than here.”

Y/N shook her head. “Despite all of the apartments and condos we toured, this was honestly the only place I could see us building a life together in.”

She trailed a finger down Matt's torso, stopping just above the waistband of his pants. “And speaking of building a life together, since we actually did find our dream home I guess that means I'm going off of my birth control now, doesn't it?”

A grin spread across Matt's face. “Does that mean we can try for a honeymoon baby?”

Y/N huffed out a laugh as she wrapped her arms around his waist. ���Even if I stop taking my pill today I don't think it would happen that quick, but that doesn't mean we can't start working on it.”

Matt hummed, a slight smirk blooming across his plush lips. “In that case, lead the way, Mrs. Murdock.”

Y/N took Matt's hand and led him upstairs to their bedroom.

As soon as they entered Matt wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back to his front. "Thought about this while we were touring this place, angel," he murmured into her ear. “Making love to you here in our bedroom… and all of the other rooms in the home that we'll share for the rest of our lives."

Y/N hissed in a breath as Matt began trailing kisses down her jawline to her neck. "I did too, Matty. Imagined you fucking me up against the shower wall, getting down on my hands and knees for you on the couch in the garden room…"

Her breath hitched as Matt gave a gentle nip to her throat. “...Riding your cock in the library.”

Matt growled deep in his chest, his already-hard cock twitching against Y/N’s ass. “Shit, yes, angel, can't wait to get to do all of that with you.”

He nipped at her throat again as he unzipped her dress. “But first, I want to take my beautiful bride to bed.”

Y//N shivered as Matt slid the straps of her dress off of her shoulders, the smooth silk pooling at her feet. 

She stepped out of the dress, then turned and gave Matt a gentle kiss as she unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants. “Then take me, my handsome groom.”

Matt smirked as he slid his hands down to her ass. “Oh I definitely plan on taking you, angel, over… and over… and over again.”

Arousal flooded Y/N’s system. She gasped in surprise as Matt picked her up and carried her over to the bed, gently setting her down before quickly divesting himself of the rest of his clothing and climbing in after her.

She let out a moan as Matt settled himself between her legs and nosed at her silk-covered core. 

“Mmm, so needy,” Matt purred. “Practically dripping for me already, aren't you, sweetheart?”

Y/N nodded, her mind already hazy with lust.  “Uh huh. Want you, Matty.”

Matt groaned. “Want you too, angel.”

Y/N whimpered as Matt pulled her underwear to the side and licked a broad stripe up her folds.

He slowly dragged his tongue up her folds again, swirling his tongue around her clit as he worked two fingers inside of her.

Y/N’s back arched off the bed in pleasure. The only thing better than the feel of Matt's long, thick fingers stretching her out was his long, thick cock. “Fuck, Matt.”

Matt moaned against her as he began to fuck her with his fingers. “That's right, angel, don't hold back. Make those beautiful sounds for me, let me know how good I'm making you feel.”

Y/N cried out as Matt hit a spot inside her that made her see stars. “Yes, right there --”

“That's my good girl,” Matt crooned. “I got you, angel, let go for me.”

Y/N could feel the coil of an oncoming orgasm tightening in her stomach. “Matty, Matty yes, please, don't stop -- ahh!”

She gasped as she reached her peak, legs shaking as Matt worked her through it.

Matt gently withdrew his fingers before raising them to his mouth, his eyes closing in bliss as he sucked them clean. “Mmm.”

He slowly peeled Y/N’s underwear off of her. “You make the prettiest sounds for me, Y/N. Love to hear you.”

Y/N sat up and pulled Matt to her for a kiss. “Need your cock in me, Matty,” she whispered against his lips. “Want you to fill me up.”

Matt nodded as he took himself in hand, sliding his cock through Y/N’s folds a few times before guiding himself to her entrance. “Gotta start slow, angel, don't want to hurt you.”

Y/N sucked in a breath as Matt joined their bodies together, the snug fit of his cock inside her tight channel making her involuntarily clench around him.

Matt groaned as he waited for her to adjust. “Fuck, sweetheart, you feel so good, so perfect. Love you so much, my angel, my beloved, my wife.”

Y/N let out a soft gasp as Matt slowly drew himself out and pushed back in, the slow, lazy rhythm of his cock sliding in and out of her fueling her desire for him. “I love you too, Matty, my husband, my forever.”

She slowly raked her nails down Matt's back. “Can't wait to grow our family with you here in our home, sweetheart, raise our children here together.”

Matt’s hips stuttered slightly. " Shit, yeah, gonna fuck a baby into you as soon as possible, angel, make you come on my cock over and over, taking every single drop of my seed deep inside your needy cunt until I'm absolutely certain I've gotten you pregnant."

Y/N gasped loudly as Matt adjusted his angle, his cock reaching even deeper inside her. "Yes, want that so badly, sweetheart."

Matt slid a hand over her stomach, his cock pulsing against her walls. "God, Y/N, you're gonna be even more beautiful than you already are when you're round and full with my child, with our child. Can't wait to hear and feel the life we'll create together growing inside you." 

Y/N whimpered. She could picture Matt gently kissing and caressing her growing stomach as he talked to their unborn child. “Please, Matt. Want to have a baby with you.”

Matt began to rub tight circles against her clit with his thumb as he drove into her. "Don't worry, angel, I gotcha, gonna make sure I come nice and deep in you so your cunt has no choice but to take it all."

Y/N gasped, right on the edge of ecstacy and just needing one little push to send her over. "Fuck, Matty, I'm right there baby, please don't stop."

Matt growled deep in his chest. “That's right, sweetheart, be a good wife and come for me.” 

He dropped his voice into his Daredevil tone. "You're mine forever, aren't you, Mrs. Murdock ?"

"Oh fuck, yes, yours , Matt, always --" Y/N cried out as the coil inside her snapped.

Matt slammed into her twice more before finding his own release, his cock pumping his seed deep inside her throbbing cunt. "Shit, Y/N ."

Y/N wrapped her arms around him and hummed in bliss as she began to descend from her sex-induced high. “Mmm.”

She shivered as Matt stroked a hand through her hair then down her arm to her side.

Matt gave her a tender kiss before carefully pulling out of her.

He lay on his side and reached for Y/N, caressing her cheek with one hand while wrapping the other around her waist. “I'm so happy I get to spend the rest of my life with you, angel.”

Y/N snuggled up to him and hummed as Matt began lightly tracing his hands up and down her back. “I am too, Matty.”

She was silent for a few moments. “You know, you always thought I was your guardian angel, but actually I think it was the other way around.”

Matt's hands paused as he tilted his face down towards her. “Really?

Y/N nodded. “Yeah, I mean think about it. You were literally the answer to my prayers, Matty.”

Matt chuckled. “Ironic that I grew up to become a vigilante known as ‘The Devil of Hell's Kitchen’ then.”

Y/N huffed out a laugh. “In that case I guess you were actually my ‘guardian devil’, but the sentiment still stands. I am who I am because of you.”

She gave Matt a kiss. “Now, how about we keep practicing making our own little devil?”

Matt rolled onto his back, guiding Y/N to lay on top of him. “That sounds like a great idea, angel. After all, you know what they say -- practice makes perfect.”

[thespectralvision]

I met Paul Bettany (again) yesterday at Dallas Fan Festival and I'm not sure I'll ever recover.

To preface this, I've been doing cons and seeing live productions for a long time, so I have met a fair number of celebrities and I've never had a bad experience. Getting to meet Lizzie Olsen a few months back was thrilling enough, and I feel so blessed that both she and Paul ended up attending conventions in Texas within a span of months. That said, Paul Bettany blew every other celebrity meeting I've had so far out of the water I don't even know how to compare them. Part of that is my own personal connection to his work - he's been my favorite actor for a very *very* long time - and getting to share how he's been a part of my journey from afar was very emotional and so *so* worth it. Long story below the cut:

When I met him breifly in NYC it was very exciting, but he was running almost 30 minutes late to his own play and didn't have time to chat, so we just snapped the selfie and that was that. The play was an amazing experience, and I discussed it in this post back in December when it happened.

Yesterday I had several one-on-one minutes with him over the course of the day. After a little stress getting in the line (where a kind lady on staff went out of her way to help me and a large group of friends in line with me. One of them had purchased an autograph because she's collecting MCU signatures in a book, but she told me she also wanted to set me up so he knew I was a super-fan.

He started by looking at the print and then deciding he was going to sign it in pink. He was *very* adamant about that, and I laughed and said it was his call. The grin as he started to write and confirmed that yes, pink was the right colour was a wonderful laugh at the beginning.

I told him that I specifially painted this for him to sign, and he was so kind as he looked at it and told him it was my art. I shared a little of my journey and thanked him, because I found Vision as a character due to being a fan of his acting for nearly 2 decades, starting with when I saw A Knights Tale shortly after it came out back in 2001. Before I could drive my dad would take me to go see every movie he did in theaters, and as an adult I've kept up. Paul's work has been a constant in my life, and a source of comfort long before his involvement in the MCU let alone my love of Vision as a character (completely seperate from the man who plays him)

I explained how I had been fighting severe depression for most of the 10 years prior to WandaVision's release, and I had given up on art. Watching WandaVision, and then reading comics about Vision made me want to paint him. The first several times I've never shared (maybe I'll do a big dump of unfinished/unreleased art one of these days) but I just kept trying. In the time since I've created close to 200 piece of art, and I take so much joy in it again. When I have a bad week I paint to relax, I paint when I'm struggling to express things, for a distraction or to share my joy. I didn't go into so much detail with Paul but he listened to every word. I then mentioned that I had met him very breifly in NYC last winter because I had travelled to see him for The Collaboration, and a front-row seat had been my Christmas Gift. He was *so happy* guys. He looked like he had just been given the best compliment ever when I told him how much of a treat it was to get to see him acting live. He made this little happy sound and it was so lovely. I think as artists, knowing our work has inspired others in the way we are inspired is a very high compliment and it felt that way.

He was so kind and at the end of our time together before I walked away he looked at me and told me I had a gift, and thanked me for sharing it with him. I think hearing my story and his small but oh-so-important role in it made him a little emotional too, he looked like he might cry for a breif moment. I said I would be seeing him later for a photo and he smiled so brighly and waved me off, and he didn't turn to the next group until I turned away from his table. All my friends were waiting for me and had been watching and they started freaking out about the conversation. Another friend who was in a different line but had excellent eyesight of Paul was like 'I think he loved your art wow his reaction'. They watched him with other guests for quite awhile and commented that he was all smiles and like that with everyone. Every other person I spoke with at the convention who met him had nothing but glowing things to say. A few friends told me after they now understand why I'm so fond of him hah.

I had a period of time between the autograph and the scheduled photo ops, so I walked the rest of the event and picked up some goodies I'll share in another post - it was like Paul Bettany/Vision Christmas I've never seen so much Vision art and merch selling and on display let alone being bought. When it was finally my time for the photo he finished with the group ahead of me and his face lit up with a bright smile as I moved into the space. I wasn't sure how close was ok - I have a rule of thumb when doing con photos to let the guest decide how much contact/space is ok because everyone is different. Paul put his arm around me and kept nudging me until I finally moved in closer, then he gave me a proper hug with a little squeeze. If you've ever imagined huging Vision (or Paul) it's exactly what you expect. Before he let me go he thanked me again (?!) and waved me off, and said he'd see me at his panel in a little bit.

His panel was also fantastic and fun, and he charmed the entire room. Some friends went with me who aren't as familiar with him or his work outside of Marvel, and they all agreed they would pay to meet him again/see a panel if he had one. I'm sure someone else will beat me to uploading the video (I did record most of it but my phone was almost dead) so I won't go into too much detail but it was such a fun hour.

I couldn't have asked for a better day. If anyone on this Earth made me feel the way Vision makes me feel when I'm reading comics or watching MCU projects, it was Paul. He described Vision in an interview once as 'warmth personified' and I think that's just a lot of *him*. His energy was infectuous and he was so gracious and kind and humbled by the display of fans. It was also just nice to see so many people celebrating his art and the characters he plays. It's rare to see *so much* love for Vision, let alone others that are less known.

If you are a fan and have an opportunity to see Paul Bettany live please do. He really is a gem and in this case I'm so glad I got to meet my hero in more ways than one.

[sunflowerhae]

I bet on losing dogs

Lee Haechan was born on June 6th, 2000. Making him exactly 3 months and 4 days younger than me. He is a Gemini. I used to tell him that this made him two faced, and he argued that it just made him more adaptable to different people, I couldn’t really fight him on it.

Lee Haechan was my first kiss, when we were 11 years old. He and I have been destined to be friends ever since the summer of 1994, when our moms were put together in their first college dorm. When I came out a girl, and he, a boy, our moms said nothing about it, but both secretly wished the same thing. We never told them about the day at the community pool, when they sent us both to get ice cream at the snack shack, and he had finished his ice cream while I sat, still working on my Popsicle. I told him I didn’t want to share, so he gave me a quick kiss - barely touching lips - and said that was enough to cool him off, before running off and jumping into the water, subsequently getting yelled at by the lifeguard. I sat still in shock until the feeling of my popsicle melting off the stick and falling onto my thigh jolted me.

Lee Haechan finally got the courage to ask me out when we were 16. He asked me to the prom, but I said no when I thought it was a joke. He pushed me, saying he was kidding anyway and I continued eating my lunch. Haechan told me later that he skipped 6th period to cry in the bathroom stalls like a little girl, I told him that he had every right to cry. At the time, when I got home my mom had asked if I was excited. When I asked for what, she explained that haechan’s mom had called to tell her what Haechan planned to do that day. I realized it wasn’t a joke. I ran the 6 blocks to his house and threw pebbles at his window when no one answered the door. I screamed yes when I caught a glimpse of life through the glass. Haechan peaked his head out just as I threw another pebble - it hit his eye, and he had to wear an eyepatch for prom, but I can still see his laugh as we danced, and that’s all that matters.

Lee Haechan made me promise to marry him when we were 18. He told me the day we were both 20, his birthday, he wanted to march down to the courthouse and sign the documents. I told him he was crazy, but indulged for fun and said yes. He got us rustic little rings at the farmers market.

Lee Haechan and I went to dinner on his 20th birthday. By then, I had forgotten about the proposal, and had the ring safety tucked away in a jewelry box. In retrospect, Haechan said it was better I wasn’t wearing a ring on that finger. Halfway through opening his gift from me, he said he wants to give me mine first. I was confused, until he started talking about how we were destined to be together, and he had loved me since he was 6 years old. He gets down on one knee. I don’t hear much of what he says after, I just yell “yes!” And start crying. The present I had gotten him was a watch, and left forgotten.

Lee Haechan married me 5 and 3 quarters of a month later. He was sweating like a turkey on thanksgiving, but I thought he was beautiful. He told me he thought the same about me. We barely ate anything at the wedding, and when I spilt McDonald’s ketchup on my wedding dress from my burger on the drive to our hotel, we both just laughed because we knew I’d never wear that dress again anyway. Our moms faces at the wedding made us laugh even more as we looked at pictures together, Both a blubbering mess, and one of them high-fiving. That made us laugh so much Haechan peed his pants.

At 21, Lee Haechan took me to the Van Gogh Museum for our one year anniversary. We were in awe of everything around us, and it was incredible. 19 minutes and 30 seconds in, Haechan turned me while starry night reflected on my face and the wall. He suddenly dropped on his knee and pulled out the promise ring from 4 years prior. In shock, I asked him what he thought he was doing. He ignored me and gave some half assed affirmations of his love before asking me to marry him. Even though I knew we were already married, I still got butterflies. My face was red enough to see even past the blue of the iconic painting of the night sky, and I just whispered a yes to get him off his knees. He loudly exclaimed that he couldn’t hear me, and it was then that I realized everyone was watching us. I quickly repeated yes louder and louder as he laughed and stood back up, placing the silver ring on top of my beautiful, actual wedding ring. Everyone clapped as we kissed, I smacked his arm. When I asked why the hell he did that, all he said was, “this exhibit is amazing, but I could not go 20 minutes without everyone seeing you and you not being the center of attention, and everyone not seeing how lucky I am.” I just stared at disbelief in him. He laughed and took a picture of my face before holding his arm out for me to take.

Lee Haechan was so many things.

He would intentionally stand behind me in every single line so he could draw words or symbols on my back, and if I didn’t guess them, he would pinch my cheek and call me silly.

He was a self proclaimed dog person. When I finally convinced him to get a cat, he said the cat and him would never be close, and it would just be mine. The cat and him ended up loving each other, and now the cat hates me.

He loved my little sister and she loved him. She was old enough to know married couples love each other, but young enough to ask if they could be married instead of him and me. He always said yes. When I would respond that I couldn’t believe this family betrayal, he would quote my favorite book and movie, Little Women, and respond, “I always knew I would marry into this family, Jo!” And I fell in love with him more every single time. I let my little sister have him for the day, because he is always going to be mine.

Lee Haechan is a lot of things,

He’s a cat owner.

He’s a gemini.

He makes music.

He’s mine.

I’m his.

He’s dead.

At 22, Lee Haechan is dead, and I am alone. I didn’t just lose a husband. I lost my best friend. My soulmate. My everything. The cat hates me, but looks for him around every corner, and lays in his side of the bed - she has gotten more used to me being there. I still feel his fingers on my back, tracing out the words “I love you”, I throw up. I feel his lips graze mine at the community pool, the coldness in my thighs wake me up. I feel his hands on mine at prom, my own hand lifting the eyepatch up as we both laugh. I hear his laughter in every Van Gogh painting I see. My sister asks for him, still too young to understand where her husband went. She asks me this, I tell her I don’t understand where her husband went either. We try to bring him back with our minds, it never works. My mom cradles me as I sob into her arms. His mom tries to reach out for comfort with me, but she has his eyes - I can never make it. I wear his wedding ring, it’s too big but I can’t seem to bring myself to go a day without it. I am 23. He is 22. I am 24. He is 22. I will be 70. He will be 22.

Lee Haechan is so many things. He is fire, he is water. He’s earth, he’s air. He will never be 23. I will always be his.

[savemefromanepicoftimewasted]

Why I Never Said What I Meant To

Actor! Joel Miller X Actress!Reader

Your mouth gaped open, there was nothing you could tell him to truly show how sorry you were, that you’d kept your mouth shut because the producers told you to. You weren’t allowed to tell anyone about the changes, not even Ellie who could keep a secret like her life depended on it. a/n:this fic deals with heavy topics of anxiety, depression, thoughts of suicide, if any of those are triggering please read with caution! feedback is much appreciated! wc:7k

Ellie was walking back and forth on set, ignoring the people rushing around to make sure that everything was indeed in place. Joel had been talking to one of the producers, mentioning how he didn’t feel comfortable with one of the upcoming lines. They’d been filming for nearly twelve hours, going from late in the night to the early hours of morning. She had half expected to see you running over with a new cup of coffee for the pair, but you still weren’t there. Neil, the director, looked more annoyed than a few minutes prior. Suddenly the sound of your boots echoing inside the large room caught everyone’s attention.

“I’m so sorry! My alarm never went off and traffic was a nightmare,” You were already in costume which would speed things along.

“About time, we couldn’t film without you here,” Ellie threw her arms around your waist, pulling you into a tight hug.

“I know, I’m so sorry for making everyone wait,” You rubbed a hand over her back gently.

Ellie had grown attached to you and Joel rather quickly, it didn’t matter that the girl was old enough to drink. At least in Canada. You’d joked that you and Joel had become her surrogate parents during filming, taking over when she had questions. You’d practice lines together whenever the three of you had some time off together. It was comforting, knowing you got along so well with your costars. There had been plenty of times in the past where no one had gotten along, so this was a nice change of pace for once.

“Today’s the big day for you sweetheart, sorry this is how it ends,” You always knew your character was going to die, you’d thrown the idea around with the director a few times.

“Aww, are you gonna cry over me as I slowly die in your arms?” You batted your lashes at Joel, snickering when he groaned.

“Well it’s in the script that he does cry, but I don’t think he does it til he’s all alone,” Ellie loved teasing Joel, it was one of her favorite pastimes.

One of the makeup artists ran over to Joel before filming could commence, fixing up his right temple that was supposed to still have “fresh” blood. It was a gripe you had a lot, especially when it was cold and the blood would end up freezing to your skin.

“Alright, everyone get into place and then we can go ahead with this scene,” You let go of Ellie, walking around to the opposite side of the room.

You were going to get bit by one of the infected and fight them off before Joel realized what was happening. This was the scene you’d been dreading since the table read, once you’d gotten closer to Ellie and Joel you didn’t want to be done so soon. The lights dimmed, bathing the room in a soft darkness that would normally comfort you, however with one of the infected actors standing nearby, it was nerve wracking. Joel checked over all of his weapons, making sure everything looked good.

“Joel! Gonna need you to move back about a foot, Ellie take two steps to the right, and perfect!” Neil sat down behind the wall of monitors, looking over every inch he was filming.

Your heart was racing, it didn’t matter that nothing around you could actually do any harm but knowing that your character was about to die? It sucked. You were all ready to go on Neil’s instruction, the fake knife holstered on your thigh was an uncomfortable reminder.

“Action!” Neil’s voice echoed through the room, startling you for a brief second before the infected actors ran into the room.

You turned and ran towards the opposite side of the room, grip tightening around the handle of the fake knife as one of the infected managed to grab your arm. What neither of you had prepared for was the small slip of rug that had been flipped up, the pair of you tumbling to the ground. The other actor slammed into you before sliding to your side, groaning in pain. Everyone began to rush over to make sure neither of you had been seriously injured, nothing worse than realizing you couldn’t work for an extended period of time.

“Shit! Are you okay?” Joel knelt down beside you, gently cradling your head as he looked over you for any actual injuries.

“Think I just slammed my ribs, nothing feels broken,” You were a little nervous with Joel so close, especially after harboring a crush on the man for years.

They had the onset medic check you over, and after getting the all clear finally you resumed shooting. The bite mark took a little while to apply once filming was over which meant none of you could even leave for lunch. Why did the thought of leaving suddenly fill you with so much dread? Was it because you would be leaving Ellie, or did it all have to do with the absolute hunk of a man that Joel was?

No, don’t start thinking of your costar like that, he’s absolutely married with at least two children looking the way he does. Sure you’ve never discussed your personal lives and he absolutely refuses to answer those questions during interviews, but whatever. Then again if he was married it felt a little weird to openly thirst after him.

“Alright, time for everyone’s favorite scene to film, Joel’s about to find out you’re infected,” Neil had gone over the script with you a handful of times, bouncing off different ideas that could work.

You sat down in the corner of the room, shifting into place to make sure you gave off the aura that you were terrified. The now “dead” infected was lying about five feet away from where you were curled up. Joel didn’t know how the scene was going to play out, he’d just been given his lines and was told to follow your cue.

“Action!” Neil’s voice was muffled from where he sat.

The sound of Joel’s boots echoed throughout the set, something they would later cut down so it didn’t echo to the point of giving away how big the soundstage was. Your arm had started to annoyingly itch right above the prosthetic and instead of scratching at it, you had to ignore it entirely.

“Jess, what-” You held your hand up, lip quivering as tears began to build in your lash line.

“Don’t, please,” The bite mark was just barely visible with the way you’d tried to hide yourself.

“Are..sweetheart did..did you get bit?” Joel’s expression gave away nothing, but his eyes, they told the entire story.

You chuckled softly, lifting up your arm so that the wound was more visible, blood shining in the dim light that was pouring in from a window nearby. It was a simple mistake, you could’ve avoided all this mess had you just listened to Joel.

“I’m really sorry, they came out of nowhere and I couldn’t stop them before this happened,” You stood up slowly, watching the way Joel backed away out of instinct.

“Darling you got bit, what the hell am I supposed to do about that?” It was a natural reaction for Joel to get angry.

“You know I love you, right? I ran in here because it was going to stop that goddamn infected from getting either you or Ellie. I know that she’s immune, Jack, but there’s nothing we can do about this,” Tears were streaming down your face, a reminder that everything was one sided.

You reached for the gun that you’d had holstered in the waist of your pants, pressing it against your temple before Joel could react and pulling the trigger. Blood sprayed against the walls and floor as your lifeless body collapsed. Joel’s horrified gasp was louder than everything, everyone sitting behind the camera waited with baited breath. No one, except for yourself, Neil, and the makeup department knew about what was going to happen.

“Shit,” Joel glanced around the room, most likely looking for Ellie to see if she’d had to witness the same exact moment that would sit with him for a while.

He glanced down at you one more time before running out of the room, his hands had begun to shake uncontrollably. How was this happening? Things were going perfectly fine and now you were dead, he’d fucked up so badly. Leaning against the wall Joel hadn’t realized he’d begun to slide down until his ass had hit the ground. Ellie was now his main priority, no one was going to stand in his way when it came to protecting her.

“Cut! Holy shit that was amazing!” Neil was ready to start screaming with excitement, this was surely going to win a lot of awards.

“Alright, let’s get Y/N cleaned up so she can head out,” Wow, they were really letting you go so quickly? Then again the sooner you could get all this fake blood off of you, the better.

Looking around you’d noticed both Ellie and Joel were missing, which wasn’t unusual but it definitely didn’t leave you feeling comfortable. The walk to the makeup department was quick and thankfully not crowded. Joel was standing over by his trailer, hands thrown into the air in what looked like anger. Shit, had he gotten a phone call that was upsetting him?

“Hey there, let’s get you settled so we can get all these off,” The makeup artist, Lala, was a godsend and you thanked your lucky stars the two of you had met.

“Hey, have you seen Joel at all?” Sure you’d just seen him about a minute prior, but you hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to him.

“Not today, Kat’s been the one doing touch ups for Joel and Ellie all day,” Huh, that was weird, normally Lala did the touch ups and makeup for the three of you.

“Oh, okay,” You didn’t want to let it bother you, they would be filming for the rest of the day while you got to leave and actually have a decent dinner for once.

Lala didn’t say anything as she helped take off the prosthetics, but you knew the answer was laying right in front of you. Joel was clearly upset and wasn’t going to talk to you, so you could either buckle up and apologize, or wait until he finally cooled down.

“Am I doing your makeup for the premier?” Lala knew she’d be the only person you called for any event makeup, she would work her magic and make you look stunning for everyone to see.

“You already know I’ll be calling you the moment I found out when the premier is,” Hopefully it wouldn’t conflict with another project.

Maybe you and Joel could go to the premier together, have to avoid spoilers so no one realizes one of the other main characters gets offed halfway through. Then again, if he was still upset that wouldn’t happen, especially if Ellie backed him up. Craig, one of the producers, had wanted to get Joel’s genuine reaction to you dying, which was why you’d improvised.

“Hey, can we talk?” Your eyes widened as you noticed Joel standing in the doorway while Lala worked on getting the fake bullet wound off your skin.

“Yeah, if you want to talk outside she’s almost done,” Joel nodded for a second before heading off.

Lala winced slightly, as if the awkwardness between you and Joel was palpable. It was though, you could feel his judgment sinking into your bones. If Joel was this upset by the improvisation of the scene, how had Ellie reacted? If you managed to ruin two friendships in a single day it would definitely be the worst thing that had happened that year. That did not include finding out your partner had been cheating right before you were supposed to start filming either. That was a whole can of worms you vehemently refused to even deal with until you could go back to therapy.

“Alright we are all done, just make sure not to be too rough when washing your face later, your skins gonna be sensitive still,” You already knew the drill, having worked with many fake prosthetic pieces in the past.

“I know, I’ll give you a call if something goes awry and I need advice.” You stood up from the chair, stretching your back with a soft groan.

Lala waved goodbye as you headed out to find Joel and see how you could try and apologize for everything. Taking a few moments you composed yourself before heading to what would be your imminent death. Joel was exactly where you’d expected him to be, by the coffee. Most of the extras and crew members were off doing their own thing, or even gone for the day. Right now you need to talk with Joel and head back home.

“Hey, you wanted to talk?” You grabbed a bottle of water off the table, clutching it to your chest.

Joel’s shoulders stiffened so briefly that if you had blinked you would have missed it. Shit, this wasn’t going to be pleasant at all. As long as you could get all of your words out without freaking out this would be fine. The moment his eyes landed on you every thought in your head suddenly vanished. There was nothing but anger coursing through the dark depths. Wow, you’d really and truly fucked up.

“I’m sorry Joel, they wanted to get your honest reaction to the scene to make it more authentic, I wanted to do what I could,” Your heart was racing, palms sweating as you waited with baited breath.

Joel chucked to himself, chin dropping down to his chest as he shook his head slowly. This was it, your entire life was about to be destroyed in three, two, one.

“You know I knew they were going to change something in the script to help give it a little oomf, but I never expected this to be the case.” Joel dropped two sugar cubes into his coffee, stirring it absentmindedly with one of the wooden sticks.

“Now if you were to tell me beforehand that they had changed the script I would’ve been a little more prepared, but instead you end up blowing your brains out without warning me.” He turned to face you fully, sipping the hot black coffee.

Your mouth gaped open, there was nothing you could tell him to truly show how sorry you were, that you’d kept your mouth shut because the producers told you to. You weren’t allowed to tell anyone about the changes, not even Ellie who could keep a secret like her life depended on it. 

“I really am sorry Joel, my intention wasn’t to hurt you,” You wanted to let them in on the secret, but Neil and Craig had forbidden it entirely.

“You know, normally I would believe you, but this right here? Hiding something this severe doesn’t mean shit.” Joel threw the nearly full cup of coffee into the trash before angrily storming out.

You wanted to run after him, to explain that your hands were bound and that under contractual obligation you could not tell anyone. That wasn’t going to happen though, at least not any time soon. The entire situation was heartbreaking, knowing that you were tearing apart the trust between you and Joel as if it meant nothing to you. Thoughts began to swirl through your mind, how would the premier go if Joel was still refusing to speak with you. Shit, that wasn’t going to be a fun conversation to relate to Neil and Craig.

“Hey by the way Joel and I aren’t on speaking terms anymore because of that suicide scene, good talk.”

Yeah that wouldn’t go over well at all, they’d have nothing but questions and with no answers to give them, you’d be running in circles. With one final glance towards the doors that Joel had walked through you decided it would be best to leave for the day. You’d give it a few days and reach out to Joel to sit down and talk more, this would all get resolved soon enough.

~~~~~~~Unfortunately that was not the case at all, you’d reached out to Joel multiple times to sit down and have a conversation and each time he ignored you. The first time you just assumed it was because he was busy, it made sense right? After the fourth time you tried you finally got the hint, if Joel did not want to speak with you, then you wouldn’t try anymore. Ellie would text you here and there, but she was still a kid(in your eyes at least)and it didn’t feel right lying to her. She’d asked if you had talked to Joel at all after filming, you had told her you were busy doing other projects and didn’t have time. In reality you were sitting on your couch, crying into a bowl of ice cream while your favorite movie played in the background.

Lots of news sites were reaching out for interviews before the upcoming premier of the show which did nothing to help ease your mind. Had Joel done any since the teaser had dropped a couple months ago? Or had he been radio silent waiting for you to break the ice and let every in on the secrets of the show. Of course you wouldn’t give away much detail as you wanted people to at least tune in to at least one episode. Ellie had been traveling with her mom and her moms best friend, according to what she posted on Instagram. You’d hearted each post, leaving a comment here and there about how she looked to be having a great time.

Now with the premier only two weeks away you were starting to get nervous, should you wear something black or something colorful? How would you do your hair and makeup? God, this was all so damn stressful and you couldn’t even ask Joel what he planned on wearing without sounding like a creep. Before you’d realize your eyes had begun to fill with tears, lip quivering as it began to truly sink in that you’d lost that entire friendship. A loud ping from your phone brought you out of your reverie, bringing you back to the present.

Joel had posted something and of course curiosity got the better of you. You opened up instagram to see what it was, your heart sinking at the image in front of you. It was a photo of Joel and someone else. You could only make out the silhouette’s of them as the sun set in front of them. The photo was gorgeous, something you would normally be amazed at and study all the tiny details. It wasn’t until you noticed the hearts in the caption, nothing more. Joel had found someone, someone that he loved enough to put online.

Your heart was shattering in your chest, the pieces cutting through everything in you like glass. Now you had never pursued Joel because he was your friend first and foremost, but seeing this truly put it all into perspective. He would never love you the way that you did him, never see the feelings that you harbored for him so deeply. It didn’t matter that everyone on set would joke that you two were an old married couple, that you spent so much time together on and off set. None of it fucking mattered anymore. Angrily you threw yourself off the couch, storming over to the kitchen and ripping open the cupboard you rarely used. A bottle of whiskey that Joel had given you as a housewarming gift sat inside.

Without thinking you reached for the bottle, cracking open the top and taking a long swig of the dark liquid. It burned more than you’d expected, but right now you just wanted to numb the pain, to bury all of your feelings in it. It didn’t take even a quarter of the bottle before you began to feel its effects, half the bottle got you severely drunk. Your body swayed almost dangerously as you struggled to stay upright. Once the last drop finally hit your tongue your mind was blissfully blank, nothing but the sweet relief of ignorant bliss.

The sun streaming through your blinds is what woke you up, and brought forth the worst hangover you’ve ever had before. Why the hell had you even had an entire bottle of whatever in the first place? And where the hell were your clothes?

You sat up quickly, instantly regretting it as a strong wave of nausea rolled through your stomach. Taking a few heaping lungfuls of air to help prevent anything you’d had the night before from coming up, you waited until it seemed to have passed. You looked around the room slowly, shame suddenly pulling at your mind at the scene of disarray. Shit, had you managed to go on a full on temper tantrum last night?

Scooting towards the edge of the bed, you rested your feet against the hardwood, noting that while your body was sore, it didn’t feel like that kind of sore which relieved you. Nothing worse than getting blackout drunk and inviting a stranger into your home. You grabbed a pair of shorts and a shirt to throw on, not ready to show your face to the world. Slipping your phone into your pocket you headed over to the windows. Closing the blinds brought an almost instant relief to the pain that was raging in your head. Surely you hadn’t done something too drastic, it looked like the mess was mainly in your bedroom.

Sighing you headed out to the kitchen, noticing the empty bottle of whiskey that sat on the kitchen island. Huh, no wonder you felt so damn shitty. You tossed the bottle into the recycling and pulled out your phone, frowning as you noticed the abundance of notifications sitting on your phone. There were a few messages from Ellie, a ton from your agent, and even a few from Joel. It hadn’t surprised you that your agent had called no less than fifty times, considering each text sounded more urgent than the last. The last message Ellie had sent was regarding a post you had made on Instagram, but the last thing you’d posted was about your final day of shooting.

You glanced at the app on your phone, the daunting little thing almost taunting you before you clicked open. The first image that popped up was from a friend you’d grown up with, she was getting married. You couldn’t help but smile at that, she deserved nothing but the best in life and deserved something positive. But that was as far as your good mood went, as you clicked on your personal page your eyes widened in horror. It was a photo of you, body barely covered with the sheet on your bed. It was clear that you’d been crying in the photo, or had been crying before the photo was taken at least. Something about it looked almost deliberate, the way your hair fell over your shoulders, body covered both seductively and insecure. The caption is what caught your attention next.

“They say the eyes are the window to the soul, when I saw nothing but hate in yours, I knew I had truly lost the one thing that I would ever know to love”Oh god, oh god.

You had royally fucked up, flickers of the night before coming to mind as you looked through the comments. People were speculating that you’d gotten your heart broken by someone, whereas others were trying to figure out if you were teasing a new role. How could you possibly admit to everyone that post had to do with the fact that Joel was dating someone? It was stupid and childish! Everyone with a brain and two eyes would see that you were acting irrationally and make fun of you until the end of time.

Swiping over to your following you looked for Joel’s name, clicking on it to find the photo he’d posted was gone. You had seen it, it had caused a goddamn breakdown and now it was fucking gone?! Instead of being upset, or even sick anymore, you were downright pissed off. This man refuses to speak with you for months and then has the audacity to blame you? Who the fuck-

“Y/N? Are you home?” Ellie’s voice sounded so small outside of your front door that every ounce of anger suddenly vanished.

You ran over to the door, swinging it open to the teenager in front of you. She looked shocked for a brief moment before her arms wrapped around your waist. Her tears had begun to soak through the soft cotton of your shirt. You shut the door quickly and wrapped your arms around her shoulders, keeping her flush to your body.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Ellie wasn’t one to open up to new people easily, so when you two had become close friends you wanted nothing but the best for her.

“Please don’t leave me! I don’t want to lose you too,” Her body was racking with sobs, body shaking as she tried to pull in air.

“I’m not going anywhere Ellie, I can promise you that,” Ignoring how much pain you were in for the moment, you gently ushered Ellie over to the couch.

She didn’t say anything as you both sat down, watching the way she all but cuddled into your side. You ran a gentle hand through her hair, doing anything you could to help comfort her.

“But those texts you sent me.” Her lip quivered as she looked up at you, eyes shining with tears.

“I wasn’t myself last night, I had too much to drink and had a breakdown, I can promise you I’m not going anywhere,” Pressing a gentle kiss to her hair you pulled her in even tighter.

She let out a soft sigh, relaxing further into your hold as you’d both started to slowly relax. That was, until the sound of your front door opening caught your attention. The last thing you needed was someone trying to rob you while you consoled your friend. Your agent, Tess, all but barrelled inside the door.

“Why don’t you answer your damn phone? I’ve been calling for hours!” Tess was beyond pissed, she’d gotten word that you had texted a few people saying you couldn’t keep living.

“I’m really sorry, I woke up and by the time I got to check my phone Ellie was at my door,” It wasn’t a lie, you couldn’t even fully grasp the situation yourself.

“You're lucky that photo didn’t get you into any trouble, I already had Neil calling me this morning asking what the hell happened,” Shit, you were in some deep trouble.

“Do you want me to delete it? I don’t mind.” You pulled your phone back out of your pocket, keeping one arm wrapped around Ellie’s shoulders.

“No, it’s not the worst thing you could have posted and a lot of people are now interested in seeing you in the show,” Of course, the show.

Tess had started to make herself a cup of coffee, replying to a couple texts and emails on her phone as you and Ellie stayed locked together on the couch. Sliding your button over the messages app on your phone, your stomach dropped out as you opened yours and Ellie’s thread. It was obvious that you were in the middle of an emotional breakdown, each text sounded worse than the last. And now you had a teen afraid you would off yourself if she wasn’t there to stop you. Did you have the strength to open Joel’s and read the things you’d sent to him?

Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath you clicked on his icon, glancing back down at the screen in your hand. You’d congratulated him on his new relationship, saying that you were happy he could find someone in this shitty world. The multiple texts you’d sent throughout the months sat above that very message, reminding you of why you did what you did. His response was kind, thanking you and leaving it at that. But suddenly the texts seemed more urgent, nearly begging you to reply since you were also ignoring Ellie.

You typed out a quick message, letting him know that you were fine and just forgot to plug your phone in and that was why you hadn’t replied sooner. Even though it was tearing you apart inside that Joel would never return those feelings, you could at least be civil. You only had to see one another for the premier and then afterwards you could become strangers once more. You set your phone to do not disturb and slid it back into your pocket, glancing down to see how Ellie was doing.

“I’m really sorry if I worried you, you know I would never do that on purpose,” Ellie didn’t need to know all the embarrassing details of what had happened. No one did.

“Promise?” Ellie was too afraid to let go of you, afraid this was all a bad dream and you’d taken your life before she could stop you.

“I promise.” You glanced over to see what Tess was doing since she was uncomfortably quiet,

Your front door opened once more, except the person stepping inside was the last one you ever wanted to see ever again.

“Ellie, Joel and I need to have a discussion so can you and Tess go down into the guest room to give us some privacy please?” You kept your tone friendly, not wanting to even remotely hint at what was about to transpire.

She looked as if she wanted to protest before silently slipping off the couch and following Tess down to the spare room across from your own. You stood up slowly, walking over to Joel and staring the older man down.

“What do you want?” Joel winced at your tone, the anger simmering below the surface waiting to be let free.

“I think we need to sit down and talk.” Joel moved to step closer to you, watching how you flinched away from him.

“We do not need to talk Joel, I tried for months to reach out to you only for you to ignore me, there is nothing for us to discuss.” You pushed past him towards the kitchen, heading to your fridge to get a bottle of water.

“Listen, about last night.” You whipped around, anger coursing through your veins like lava.

You slammed the bottle down onto the counter, nearly popping it open with the tight grip you had on it.

“We can ignore the fact that I have feelings for you, those don’t fucking matter anymore, but this? I apologized to you about that day, and you left me high and dry, ignoring every single message I sent to you. You do not get to stand there and say that we need to talk when you refused to do so in the first place. Did you suddenly expect me to forgive you? It’s been nearly six months Joel, six months! I’ve learned how to crochet and watched Ellie celebrate her twentieth birthday with her mom while you pretended I never existed. So do me a fucking favor, and get the fuck out of my apartment.” Joel was shocked, he’d watched shows and movies where had to portray anger, but nothing was as severe as your true anger.

It was the realization that he had messed up by ignoring all of those texts, by putting someone else in the place you had at his side and refusing to be an adult about this situation. He’d lost the person he held so close because he was angry and selfish. Without another word Joel turned and left, shutting the door softly behind himself.

You had wanted to talk to him, to really sit down and just talk like two adults, but Joel couldn’t put aside his pride and here you were. Were you going to be able to come back from this? Or were you going to lose some of the people you cared about the most?

~~~~~~~

Lala had just finished applying your lipstick, watching as your favorite hairdresser, Kat, did the final touches on your hair. You were originally going to keep everything a little more simple and so a smokey eye with a stunning black dress, but Joel derailed everything. You chose a dark red dress, the plunging neckline doing little to hide your chest(thankfully tape keeping everything together)with a long slit up to nearly your hip. Your eye look was more simple, a sharp winged liner with a soft cut crease. Your lip color matched the dress perfectly, giving off a femme fatale type of look. You paired it with sleek black heels, your nails a black french tip. You had the ladies take photos until they were satisfied with what they chose to be the best picture. 

Your skin was glowing, your body silhouetted perfectly in the dress. It left just enough to the imagination while still being risque. You made sure both ladies were paid, along with hefty tips, before heading down to the limo. Ellie had texted you that she was already on the way, riding with her mom and Joel. The limo was mere minutes from pulling up as you posted the photo onto instagram, giving everyone a look at your outfit, hair and makeup. You were parked behind Ellie’s limo, watching as the three of them slipped out. Joel, ever the gentleman, helped both Ellie and her mother Anna get out of the limo.

Once they took to the carpet the other limo drove off, letting yours pull up to let you out onto the carpet for interviews and photos to be taken. You took a quick breath before sliding out. The cameras were flashing even more now, hoping to catch even the smallest glimpse of you. Joel was talking with one of the many interviewers, laughing at something they had said. You kept your head high as you stepped onto the carpet. Ellie nearly screeched as she laid eyes on you. She was dressed in a suit, which you of course helped convince her to do, you knew deep down she would never have worn a dress.

“Holy shit, you look smoking hot!” Ellie wanted to hug you so bad, but she didn’t want to mess up your dress.

“Thank you sweetheart,” You smiled at her, pulling her into a brief hug.

Anna was glancing between you and Joel as if trying to figure out when he’d realize that you finally arrived. You simply smirked at her before heading over to some of the fans that were hoping to get an autograph. Of course you also posed for a few photos, if it wasn’t for the fans you wouldn’t be where you were, and you would always show appreciation.

“Sorry, I have to go before they start yelling at me!” You blew everyone a quick kiss before rushing back to the middle of the carpet. 

It was then that you noticed Joel had finally realized you’d arrived. His gaze didn’t waver as he took you in slowly. You smirked lowly before posing to show off the slit in your dress, silky skin on full display for all the cameras. It was your time to shine, and by god you were going to do just that. Tess caught wind that you were in fact there and tried to usher you down and into the building. Joel felt his heart stop as you walked by, the scent of your perfume wrapping around him like a viper. He had wanted to tell you the truth, but he couldn’t do that with so many cameras flashing and possibly ruining everything. Once Ellie and Anna were back by his side they all made their way inside. Ellie wanted to grab a bite to eat and then get her seat with her mom.

“Go ahead, if you need to find me go ahead.” Joel ushered them both off carefully, eyes in search of you.

He could see you talking to Tommy, his brother, and for some reason that seemed to downright piss him off. Why the hell were you talking to Tommy if you knew that he’d recently gotten married to his wife Maria, he posted the photo.

Oh, oh.

That’s why you were so upset, you had thought Joel had found someone. Oh shit it was a total misunderstanding. Joel took a look around to make sure no one would try and get his attention, noticing a clear line towards where you were standing Joel started on the move.

“Yeah! We just got married a few weeks ago, the best thing I did was meet her,” Tommy’s eyes sparkled as he stared over at his new wife.

“You two are absolutely adorable together, I’m so happy for you,” You had known Tommy longer than Joel, having met on an indie film a few years prior.

You were the first person he had told about Maria, nervous so much as to ask her on a date, and here they were happily married. They would probably start discussing children before anyone knew it, you were positive of that.

“Yeah, Joel put a picture of us on his instagram since neither of us had our phones on us, just wanted to enjoy the night,” The sudden realization hit you like a ton of bricks. That photo was of Maria and Tommy? Oh shit.

“Hey, the man of the hour!” Tommy held up his glass of whiskey, grinning over at his brother.

“Don’t tell me you’re already drunk off the free bar,” Joel didn’t need any instances to ruin this night.

“Nah, just enjoying, Maria’s off talking to Ellie and Anna right now anyway,” The three of you glanced over to where the other three were talking.

Tommy looked at Maria as if she hung every star in the sky, your heart sunk as you remembered that was the same way you’d looked at Joel. Had it all been a horrible misunderstanding this entire time?

“If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go and see the Mrs.” Tommy didn’t wait for you or Joel to reply before heading off.

Your mood had suddenly turned sour, where before you felt confident, ready to take on everything that came your way. Well now you just felt like someone putting on a front to keep yourself from getting hurt.

“That’s what I wanted to talk about that day, that the picture was for them and not myself.” Joel turned towards you slowly, waiting to see how you would react.

“That doesn’t negate the fact you all but cut me off for months, Joel, I wanted to reach out to you and discuss everything but you treated me like I was the worst person to exist.” You crossed your arms over your chest, staring angrily up at him.

Joel was at a loss for words, he couldn’t put any of the blame on you because this was all entirely his fault. He’d been the coward that ran and hid instead of actually sitting down with you and talking. He pushed you away because he was afraid of his own feelings for you.

“I would pick up my phone every single day, wanting to reply that we could sit down and talk about everything but I was too afraid you would see right through me. That you would see I had feelings for you as well and think I was a liar. No one can hate me more than I currently hate myself, I can promise you that darling.” Joel cupped your cheek gently, making sure not to smudge any of the makeup on your face.

Your eyes welled with tears but you refused to let them fall, instead of uttering another word you grabbed the lapels of his suit jacket and pulled his body down so his lips were flush with yours. Everything and everyone in the room seemed to vanish as you stood there, lips pressed to the person’s you loved most. Joel wasted no time, wrapping his arms around you to pull you flush to his chest. Was this what it felt like to kiss your soulmate? Nothing else in the world but the two of you standing together, taking in this moment. Joel was the first to pull away, pulling in a harsh breath as his eyes opened to see the wrecked expression on your face. 

If he hadn’t known any better Joel would’ve assumed you were still angry with him, ready to start screaming at how inappropriate that was. Except it wasn’t Joel that kissed you, you had kissed Joel, and now he was addicted.

“Fucking finally!” Tommy screamed loudly in the room, causing everyone else to laugh.

Joel shook his head, resting his forehead against yours as the room erupted into a ravenous applause. You took that as your cue to press your lips to his once more, smiling into it this time. Everyone had been hoping the two of you would realize your differences and see that you were meant to be. Unfortunately it took Joel pushing you away, and you posting a rather scandalous photo onto your Instagram for things to start coming to a head.

“Next time there’s an argument, just talk to me, okay?” Arguments were something that couldn’t be avoided, but you’d be damned if you didn’t spend another moment without Joel by your side.

“I promise,” You couldn’t help the giggle that slipped out, saying the same thing to Ellie just a few weeks ago.

You’d have to tell everyone the good news and let them know that even in the darkest of times, there was always a light to help guide your way.

[connecting-the-stars]

Purpose parallel between Richie and Carmy

In the first opening minutes of s2, the show makes a point to slow down the plan making for the restaurant in order to highlight Richie isolating himself surrounded by pictures of the past. Reviewing his life and searching for clear achievements that gave him a sense of purpose and being needed. Carmy initially reacts with a dismissal as everything still needs to be done for the restaurant’s development, but he acknowledges Richie’s ask for support and attempts to sit with him and put everything on pause for a moment.

Richie refers to the book he read that describes how a man with apparent lack of skill, talent, or magnetic personality is being abandoned by his group of friends. It’s understood that Richie really doesn’t see his worth in supporting the success of The Bear, and he tries throughout the season to wedge himself into a position that is needed. But each time he’s proven wrong and - damn - it kinda breaks my heart. Underneath the yelling and posturing, I can see his scramble to make himself useful, in any form, to not be left behind. Yeah, in the process he makes himself an obstacle for the others and trying to show them he’s right is annoying at times, I think it’s written like that to show how desperately he still wants to be there. Depression shows its face in different ways, and his wandering search for purpose within the team is hard to watch. The shot of him cover in filthy black dust/mold from the ceiling and leaning against the white wall, while Fak and Marcus share a fist bump and are lighthearted, makes me want to cry. (S2,E2)

Carmy throughout the season does actually seem like he wants to be supportive of Richie, reminding him of purpose or thanking him for trying to get power back or sending him to stage at the restaurant he’s familiar with. Even with his split focus this season, Carmy had made a point to not get into horrid fights with cousin - for the most part.

The final episode really did flip that narrative. With Richie on the other side of his deep depression, wearing his suit of armor and having the best outlook on life we’ve seen from him ever. Then Carmy trapped in the dark and cold walk-in isolated from every person he cares about and had the responsibility to support. The writing here has made me feel inspired and I’m excited for next season. Richie becoming the foundation to hold the service together under Sydney’s command and approval was wonderful, he being a vital mechanism in kitchen machine. While each character has made strides of growth, personal/professional, it’s Carmy who is left behind. His skills and passion for the restaurant is unnecessary as the staff step up and over him, using their collective efforts to save the service. Fak at front house, Nat helping in kitchen, Sydney running another station in order to get all the food prepared without two prior chefs, Tina killing two stations, Marcus’s desserts pulling through, and Richie calling out the orders.

The finally reversed the purpose theme and paid off so well, later with Carmy and Richie at each other’s throats as one can’t keep anything good in his life and another coming to the realization that self sabotage runs in the bear family. Richie had wanted Claire and Carm to work out the way him and his wife never did. I wonder if s3 will expand upon Carmy learning that everything went well without him contributing?