#I hope the lingering fans dont get mad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

saint-of-los-angeles · 5 years

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Don’t Go Away Mad

WOW HERE IT IS, THE LONGEST FIC I HAVE DONE. This fic was done with a coauthor, the beautiful, wonderful, talented @merryy-go-round. I’m seriously like proud of this fic and I know she is too. THANK YOU GIRL, I LOVE YOU!!!

Summery: “Tommy was dying, this had to be what death felt like. There was no other way to describe the feeling of impending doom that he was being crushed under at hearing those words. Those horrible words, uttered from a total fucking stranger’s mouth. Nikki was dead, he was gone forever, he would never look into his green eyes again.”

Another take on Nikki’s overdose and the impact it has on Tommy.

Warnings: Drug use, Overdose, general sadness. But y’all know I dont do sad endings.

Pairing: Nikki Sixx/ Tommy Lee

TAGGING A FEW PEOPLE I THINK MAY LIKE. (If you dont want tagged, feel free to message and tell me, I wont be offended I swear) @malibubarbievince @tommyysixx @the--blackdahlia @stellalux-universe @devil-shouted @sixx-tommy-roger-john @motherfucker-oftheyear @jenerallymarvelous @fan-with-issues

After a grueling press release for their upcoming album, Tommy was fucking drained, and all he wanted to do was go home, to Nikki’s, and soak up the last bits of peace before their upcoming tour began. Tommy lived for the moments where he could have the older man all to himself, when he could take the time to just study the bassist’s face and bask in the fact that he was his. Although the deeper Nikki sunk into his love affair with his liquid mistress, the farther in between these moments became.

Tommy tried so, so hard not to dwell on it, to just be happy with the time he did get with Nikki. Something was better than nothing right? They would be out of there in just a matter of minutes, if Vince would just stop fucking talking for once, and Tommy would be able to spend his night catching up on some much needed alone time with Nikki.

They didn’t have anywhere that they had to be until after Christmas day. This means Tommy gets to spend three whole days with his boyfriend, uninterrupted, which was a rare fucking feat in the crazy lives they lived. Tommy wondered if he should have the driver make a detour to stop by Nikki’s favorite restaurant to brighten his mood. He was getting way too fucking skinny, these days. Or maybe they could go to that new music store that the older man had mentioned a few weeks ago, anything, really to put a smile on Nikki’s face was fucking worth it to Tommy, a smile that he had put there, as compared to the one he gets when he’s melting down his liquid gold in a dirty spoon.

As he was mentally constructing up the perfect evening in his head, he was snapped out of his daydreaming by a rather loud sigh that rolled out from between the bassist’s lips. Nikki looked beyond impatient, and beyond ready for this press conference to just fucking end already, and to everyone else, it may look like Nikki was just ready to finally relax and get some fucking rest. But Tommy wasn’t everyone else, and he felt the hope that he had in place for the ‘perfect night’ ahead of them extinguish like a match on a windy day.

Nikki could care less about getting out of here to spend time with Tommy, Nikki just wanted to get high.

Both men could feel the tension developing in their relationship around the time that the older man met his love affair in the form of heroin, and it was taking a toll on both of them. Before heroin, Tommy never really thought to worry about Nikki’s intake of illegal substances, because duh. Rockstars, remember?

Tommy had always previously seen the bassist as indestructible when it came to drugs. Nikki knew how to handle himself and had everything under perfect control, he had promised Tommy that he knew what he was doing and would never do anything to leave Tommy all alone. When Tommy thinks back to how fucking naive he was to think that anyone is above addiction, he has to laugh at himself. The drummer was always a little too optimistic, and maybe he still is.

Too optimistic about his relationship being perfectly normal, and healthy, and thinking things will work out on their own. Too optimistic, too stupid to realize that he has lost the Nikki that he fell so hard for, the Nikki that could look into his eyes and tell him he loved him more than anything and mean it. As much as Tommy knew he was living in a world of denial, he hoped that tonight, for just one night he could just close his eyes and pretend that he was still the most important thing in Nikki’s life.

Nikki had been visibly irritated throughout the entire conference and Tommy barely refrained from rolling his eyes at the sight of Nikki’s clenched jaw and bouncing leg. He knew that look, he had seen it too many times over the past few months. Nikki just wanted to get the fuck out of there, so he could shoot up, and what else was new?

What had started out as yet another recreational drug to add to the long fucking list of drugs that Crue did on a daily basis, had turned into something much more sinister for the bassist, and Tommy couldnt even put a pinpoint to the moment that the drug had stolen his boyfriend, the love of his life, away from him. Maybe it was easier to ignore the alarming amount of track marks, and the always present slur in the man’s voice than to face the fact that the man he loved more than anything was a fucking junkie, and on his way to an early grave.

Before heroin, Nikki could sit and listen to Tommy ramble for hours about drum fills, how annoying his hair was being that day, how much he missed his parents, anything really. He’d sit there and listen to Tommy with a smile on his face and this look in his eyes like there was absolutely nowhere else he’d rather be.

These days, however, Tommy found himself fighting to be the center of attention for more than just a few minutes. Nikki had found a new subject of affection, and from the looks of it, the bassist probably hasn’t shot up since before they got to the conference building, which was over 4 hours ago.

As the press conference finally came to a close, thanks for finally shutting up Vince, Tommy frowned as he studied his boyfriend a little more closely. He could see the sheen of sweat that coated Nikki’s face as the bassist stood and then turned to shoot him a quick, almost nervous glance. It was the look that Tommy had seen 100 times, it was nerves mixed with guilt and it always meant that Tommy wasn't going to like what Nikki had to say.

“Hey babe, I’m gonna head out. Slash invited me out to this thing and you said you wanted to go home and crash so...” He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders and avoiding eye contact at all cost. Tommy scoffed loudly causing Nikki to shoot him a surprised glance.

Tommy rarely objected to these things, knowing it was a losing battle anyway, and being too afraid to send the older man scattering away to a hiding spot that he would eventually die in, but something about Nikki’s tone, as if he expected Tommy to just be totally fine with being ditched had Tommy unable to bite his tongue this time.

“Yeah, as in go home and crash with you,” Tommy began as he stood, stepping in front of the exit to prevent the other man from leaving. “My boyfriend who hasn’t spoken more than ten sentences to me today. Seriously you can’t go one fucking night with choosing me over shooting that fucking poison into your neck, Nik?” Tommy’s sharp tone surprised even himself, as stared down into the slightly shorter man’s eyes.

All of the feelings of fear, frustration and anger that Tommy had been suppressing for months seemed to come to the surface and it surprised him as much as it surprised Nikki. The older man’s eyes reflected the hurt and confusion at his words, who then was shushing him when he noticed the stares from various bystanders who were still lingering around the large room.

Tommy continued speaking without bothering to lower his voice. “What Nikki? Don’t want everyone to think you’re some sort of junkie?” The words felt cruel coming out of his mouth and he almost instantly felt sick to his stomach saying the word “junkie” to Nikki, but he couldn’t back down now. He watched the other man still at his words and watched as his expression shifted from confused to pissed.

“You know what Tommy, fuck you. I don’t need your fucking permission. Just fuck off.” The bassist was sneering at Tommy as he twirled around to leave.

“Hey, we aren’t done with this!” Tommy started as he reached to grab Nikki’s shoulder to spin him around to face the drummer’s fiery eyes once again. Tommy was a little shocked over his own actions, where did this wave of anger come from? They had small arguments all the time, they were both passionate, headstrong people, but things never escalated to the point where things were unmendable. If Tommy stopped now things would go back to how they were, and they would just ignore that this ever happened. But no, fuck that, Tommy was upset, he had been for fucking months and he had held it in for as long as he could, and now that he had let a little out, he couldnt seem to reel in his emotions.

Nikki looked just as shocked as Tommy did, but underneath his bewildered expression at the treatment he was receiving from his usually happy and carefree boyfriend, was the desperation of an addict that just wanted to fucking shoot up already, and Tommy was preventing that.

“Yes we fucking are Tommy, I’m done with this conversation, Slash is waiting for me, I’ll see you later.” Tommy could hear the barely restrained anger bubbling under Nikki’s words and something about that irked him to no end. How dare Nikki be upset, when he’s the one leaving Tommy to go home alone for the thousandth fucking time, so that he can go inject some poison into his veins?

“Nikki, if you fucking leave, don’t expect me to be there when you get home.” The words felt foreign and WRONG on Tommy’s lips. Part of him wanted to immediately retract the statement and hug Nikki, because back when Nikki and him had first admitted their feelings, Nikki had admitted in a moment of pure trust and love that Tommy leaving him was always his worst fear. Tommy always promised him that nothing he could do would ever push him away. But Tommy was so angry, and above anything else, he was hurt that Nikki would put some amber liquid in a needle above him, who had always been there for him, even when the bassist was terrified of love and tried pushing him away.

"I swear if you leave then I am done with this shit. I can’t watch you do this anymore. You are killing yourself, you do realize that right? I mean, fuck Nikki, I don’t know if I would have fallen in love with you if you were this person when we met.”

Tommy watched as Nikki’s shocked expression turned into pure hurt for a split second, before morphing into the most venomous sneer Tommy had ever seen from Nikki. He knew before the words were out of his mouth that he had gone too far. Nikki had barely been controlling his anger before, but at the harsh words it was as if a switch was flipped.

His loving boyfriend was nowhere to be found. Tommy had never felt afraid of Nikki before, but the look of pure disbelief and fear mixed with anger and confusion was enough to scare him. Tommy could tell that Nikki had completely shut down at this point, and could see the tremors the man was succumbing to, whether it was from the need for drugs, or from holding back his anger, he didn’t know.

Tommy would prefer a punch straight to the face rather than see the pain that he caused on the elder’s features, it would be substantially less painful.

Even Mick, who had been sitting awkwardly on one of the plush couches that the pair had just been occupying even looked shocked at the explosion that seemed to come from nowhere.

Tommy was about to speak again, the overwhelming feelings of guilt and regret immediately replacing the feelings of anger. He was just hurt, and he wanted to just tell Nikki that, how he felt like sometimes he couldn’t fucking breathe when he thought about Nikki out there shooting up a substance that could end his life one day, but Nikki beat him to it.

“You know what, you’re right, Tom. I have changed, and maybe I’m tired of having a boyfriend who just bitches about everything I do instead of having any fucking fun. Thanks for the fucking reality check, babe.” Nikki all but ground out with eyes hardening more and more, the more he spoke. “If you’ll excuse me, I have important business to tend to. You know how us junkies are.” Tommy could barely hear the crack in the older man’s voice that caused his heart to ache, and all he wanted to do was just take it back.

Before Tommy could get his mouth to connect with his brain Nikki was already storming off in the direction of the exit. Using his shoulder to push past the stunned drummer, roughly jolting him to the side.

Mick stared in silence at the youngest member of the band, when Vince decided that he finally wanted to grace the rest of them with his presence, all smiles as he bounded over to Tommy, throwing a casual arm around his shoulder. “Guess we can ditch this place, yeah? Dude, where’s Nikki?”

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After a quiet explanation of the bassist’s whereabouts, Tommy allowed himself to be drug along to Vince’s favorite strip club, and honestly he was grateful for the distraction. He had never been so appreciative of Mick’s non-prying nature and Vince’s absolute inability to worry about anything that doesn’t directly affect his life. If he had gone to his empty apartment he was sure he would be driven mad by the constant replay of the look of betrayal and hurt on Nikki’s face in his mind. So here he sits with his fifth- no sixth?- whiskey sour and he wants more than anything to press rewind and take everything back.

Now that he had calmed down and had time to process what the fuck had happened, and the words exchanged, he was left with such intense feelings of self loathing that he was sure that he would collapse under the pressure if not for the barstool he was currently sat on. Why did he snap at Nikki like that?

Despite Nikki’s shitty attitude and distant nature lately, he knew deep down that Nikki was really sick, and he had always been bad at expressing love in relationships, why should this relationship be any different? Tommy wanted to help Nikki through his issues, not make them worse.

Tommy had already started making plans to apologize to Nikki as soon as possible when his world suddenly changed forever. He didn’t process the words when he heard them, he just blankly looked up to stare at these three dudes talking amongst themselves, arms waving dramatically in what appeared to be disbelief.

“Dude, did you hear?”

“Nikki Sixx overdosed on smack dude, he was hanging out with Slash from Guns and Roses, he’s the one who found him.”

“Shut up”

“I swear, dude, so long Motley Crue, huh? Fucking sucks, I loved them.”

No.

Nikki didn’t overdose, not even in Tommy’s worst fucking nightmares did Nikki overdose. Nikki swore he’d never leave him, swore he had it under control. How the fuck did these guys know Nikki was with Slash tonight? This wasn’t true, this couldn’t be fucking true, but everything in Tommy’s gut was telling him it was.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the FUCK?

Tommy was dying, this had to be what death felt like. There was no other way to describe the feeling of impending doom that he was being crushed under at hearing those words. Those horrible words, uttered from a total fucking stranger’s mouth. Nikki was dead, he was gone forever, he would never look into his green eyes again, and what was the last thing that Tommy had even said to Nikki? It sure as hell wasn’t ‘I love you’ or anything that would have told the bassist that he was Tommy’s entire universe, because he was goddamnit.

No, his last words were spoken in rage and Tommy didn’t think he could handle this much, he was choking, he was dying, but death would be preferable at this point, because his options were either die, or live a life without Nikki.

Not even feeling or acknowledging the tears on his cheeks that fell from his puffy eyes, Tommy brought a hand up and put it over his chest, feeling his heart pump pump pumping under his fingertips and let out what could only be described as a primal wail.

He willed his heart to fall still under his fingers because nothing could be worse than this, nothing could be worse than this raw, gnawing pain that seemed to start in his chest and overtake his whole being. He could feel Vince’s hand on his shoulder, but the touch of comfort only burned him. He didn’t want the comfort, he didn’t want to feel comfort in a world where Nikki no longer existed.

Vince was definitely yelling his name now, lightly smacking his cheek in a sorry attempt to get him to snap out of the trance he had fallen in, but Tommy felt like he was underwater. Everything was coming out muffled, his ears felt stuffed full and most of all he felt like he was drowning, suffocating under the weight of the information he had just learned from these total fucking strangers.

Tommy forced himself to make eye contact with his lead singer, taking in the unshed tears in the blonde’s eyes that were overflowing with a mixture of grief for his late bandmate, and overwhelming concern for the one he left behind.

He wanted to talk to Vince, to lie and tell him that he was okay but he needed to go process this information alone, but he just couldn't bring his brain to form a coherent lie. He opened his mouth to speak, and all that came out were strangled sobs as he reached up to grab fistfuls of his own hair, tugging on the dark locks out of pure desperation. He felt Vince’s hands under his armpits, and he realized he must have been falling at some point, struggling to keep his own feet underneath him, but it was like all his body even knew how to do in this moment was cry.

“Tommy- Jesus Christ man- I don’t- I’m so fucking sorry- I…” Vince looked absolutely lost, completely unsure what to say, and wrecked if Tommy was being honest, and despite really wanting to comfort his friend of so many years, because Vince had lost Nikki too, Tommy did the only thing he physically could at the moment- he told Vince the truth.

“I- I wish I was fucking dead too, Vin- I can’t…”

Tommy regretted allowing that feeling to slip past his lips immediately as he looked into the widening eyes of his frontman, and as Vince opened his lips to respond, Tommy was turning and sprinting out of the club, shoving past anyone in his way. He could vaguely hear Vince yelling his name behind him and the fading sound of Vince’s boots pounding behind him.

Tommy was gratefu thatl the adrenaline and his longer legs could get him the fuck out of there, away from Vince’s worried eyes, away from those strangers who knew that his boyfriend was dead before he even did, and away from that nightmare of a club.

He knew he’d never be able to step foot in that place ever again.

—-

Tommy wasn’t sure how he even made it to Nikki’s house, honestly. Everything leading up to this moment was a blur in time, making Tommy question how long it had even been since he heard the devastating news.

Not that it mattered, time had no meaning to the drummer anymore.

Raising his hand to knock on the door, the younger man stopped himself and let out a sob at the realization that there was no fucking point in knocking. No one lived here anymore.

So Tommy took out his spare key instead, the metal seemingly burning in his hands as he opened the door to the house he had entered so many times, but now that would never be the same.

There would be no more late night conversations in this house, no more early morning make out sessions- morning breath and all. No more hiding out in Nikki’s music room, writing lyrics and banging out drum fills until the sun rose through the tall windows of Nikki’s second story. No more pathetic attempts at surprising Nikki with brunch- only to set off every single fire alarm the bassist had in the house. No more smiling, no more laughter, no more making love.

Not in this house and not anywhere in the drummer’s life, ever again.

Tears were giving way to anger at this point. Anger at himself for not just flushing all of Nikki’s shit, anger at Nikki for not just coming home with him tonight, and anger at the universe for taking the best thing in Tommy’s life and keeping it somewhere where he would never be able to reach.

That anger needed an outlet, and that outlet came in the form of absolutely destroying anything that the drummer could get his hands on. Everything pissed him off to look at. Everything in this house was just a horrible reminder of what he had lost and in that moment, Tommy wanted everything to feel just as wrecked as he did.

Ignoring the sting in his hands as he threw various vases, records, and other breakable objects against the walls, Tommy was oblivious to the tears that flowed from his eyes as his fist made contact with the TV screen and his foot kicked a sizable hole in his late boyfriend’s drywall.

Tommy’s chest was heaving with the struggle to take in air as he knelt on the floor in the wreckage he had created. Nikki’s place was unrecognizable, and he could feel his knees stinging from the sharp prick of the broken glass he was kneeling in- and where the fuck did that come from, anyway?

Tommy could finally see the scene around him, as his body had run out of tears. The tears had dried up, his body had no more to give, but the sobs remained, choking him in a vice like grip around his throat, and all Tommy could think was he wished that these sobs could actually choke him to death, so he could see Nikki and tell him that he loved him, and that he didn’t mean a goddamn word he said when they had all those stupid fucking fights.

As Tommy continued to survey the scene around him, he noticed a baggie poking out from underneath Nikki’s couch, and he knew instantly what that baggie contained.

Heroin was never his drug of choice, he preferred the euphoric burst of energy and unbridled emotions that cocaine gave him. Tommy loved feeling emotions, everything he felt, he felt in excess, it had always been that way, so the synthetic effects of cocaine on his emotions were always a good time to the drummer.

At first, Tommy could feel nothing but all encompassing anger surging through his veins the longer he looked at the corner of that baggie, because that evil shit took his Nikki away, but the more Tommy thought about it, the more he realized that Nikki took those drugs because they numbed him, and there was nothing on this Earth that Tommy wanted more than for this pain to go away.

It was as if his body was on autopilot, and he was now standing with the small bag clenched in his fist, relishing in the sting of his fingernails digging into his palm. He shuddered as his choking sobs dwindled down to hiccups. What was the point of life without Nikki anyways? How the fuck would he ever feel joy again after this night? Tommy just wanted for everything to just stop.

Tommy had only done this devil drug once before, the curiosity surrounding the drug turned into an impulse decision one late night a few months prior, in this very house, with the very man he was mourning.

Tommy was laying on Nikki’s bed, watching as the bassist started to nod off from the drugs injected only moments ago. Tommy frowned at the sight of the bloody needle now laying loosely in the man’s open fist, the object mesmerized the drummer. That tiny object brought his boyfriend so much pleasure, he was almost jealous.

“What does it feel like?” The younger man asked, not for the first time. He was always curious, the euphoric look on Nikki’s face after shooting up had always seemed to outdo any other drug that he subjected himself to, and Tommy just wanted to know what the hype was about.

“You wanna find out?” Nikki had murmured back, his response slightly delayed as his cloudy mind processed the other man’s words. Even in his hazy state, it took the bassist by surprise when Tommy stated that he did, in fact, want to shoot up.

Tommy didn’t remember much from that night aside from Nikki’s still hands calming his shaking arm, nerve’s wracking his lanky frame as the older man plunged the liquid poison into his veins.

He also remembered Nikki’s hands rubbing up and down his back, holding his hair back, and Nikki’s voice soothing him as he emptied his stomach into the toilet for what must have been the 5th time that night.

After that night Tommy had sworn to never use heroin again. He didn’t like the nausea or the feeling of being numb. He didn’t understand why Nikki would ever want to feel so empty all of the time, but right now, it seemed like Tommy’s only way out of this nightmare.

With shaking hands Tommy moved to the closet where he knew Nikkis kept his rigs and clean needles. With a pang in his chest he wondered if he should have fought harder to stop his boyfriend from destroying himself, if as angry as he had been with Nikki this whole time, if this was actually his fault all along. If he could have saved the bassist from himself after all, if he had just flushed his shit and forced him into rehab.

The thought of that was too painful to bear.

Having watched Nikki do this so many times Tommy felt almost proud of himself in a sick way for knowing exactly how to do this. Taking the now prepared syringe over to Nikki’s well worn in couch he sat on the floor with his back resting against the couch, and took a deep breath. A quick, borderline hysterical laugh escaped his lips as he realized he was really going to do this.

He was such a fucking hypocrite.

For the first time in his life, Tommy relished in the pain that came from prick of the needle instead of cringing away from it, because it was the first time since hearing the news that Tommy felt anything besides the pain of losing Nikki.

As he pushed the plunger down Tommy relished in the warm escape, taking note of the lack of nausea he felt this time.

‘Hey maybe Nikki was right, it does go away.’ Tommy’s hand fell away loosely and his head lolled forward as the drugs coursed through his veins, and he felt his overwhelming emotional pain ebb away into an undeniable bliss.

The last coherent thought that Tommy had before succumbing to the warm darkness around him was of piercing green eyes and long black hair.

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Nikki’s first thoughts upon waking up in the hospital were of Tommy. Of course they were, he loved that boy, and he had said horrible fucking things to him, he missed him, he needed him.

He felt alone for the first time since Tommy and he had made themselves official.

He didn’t focus on anything the doctors were saying, didn’t listen to their cries of protest as he ripped out his IV, feeling the blood dripping down to his wrist for the second time that day, to shove his way out of the hospital doors before anyone could keep him longer, preventing him from seeing the only thing that could really heal him at the moment. He wanted, no needed, to see Tommy to explain for himself what had happened, that it had been an accident, he never meant to leave him. He couldn’t imagine if the roles were reversed, and he was under the impression that the love of his life had died without him and with a needle in his arm.

The thought made him sick.

His first thought was to go straight to Tommy’s place, but when he arrived, his heart dropped when he saw that the other man’s car was nowhere to be found. Shaking his head in defeat, he used his key to enter anyway, disappointed but not surprised when he found the apartment empty and dark. Rushing into the kitchen, he picked up Tommy’s phone and dialed his own phone number, slamming the phone down in frustration when he hit his own voicemail.

Nikki took a deep breath and dialed Vince’s number, hoping that the singer might know the whereabouts of his missing boyfriend.

Tommy didn’t know it, but Nikki had asked Vince several times in rare moments of drunken vulnerability to always watch after Tommy if he couldn't, and he prayed that the singer had held up his promise that he would.

“Tommy! Jesus fuck, man, thank god you’re okay.” That was not what Nikki had hoped to hear, and the crack in Vince’s intensely relieved voice did nothing to sooth the burning pit in his stomach when he learned that no- Tommy wasn’t with Vince, and he seemed pretty fucking worried about the drummer.

“Listen, Tommy, it was a big fucking misunderstanding. Just stay there and I’m gonna come over there right now and we can go to the hospital-” Nikki couldn't listen to anymore of this, and cut the other man off before he could continue.

“Wait up, Vince, it’s me.” Shocked silence met Nikki’s ear in reply, and god dammit Vince, you choose now to shut up?

“It’s Nikki, Vin. I’m trying to find Tommy, where the fuck is he? Why wouldn’t he be okay?” The bassist could hear the desperation in his own voice as he spoke, and willed Vince to open his fucking mouth because one more minute of not knowing where his scared, hurting boyfriend was was probably going to kill him and-

“Nikki? Oh god, you fucking idiot, it’s so good to hear your voice. I don't know what to do, Nik, Tommy lost his shit on me when he heard you were dead, and has been missing ever since. I’ve never seen him like that, he kept talking all this nonsense about wanting to die too, he ran and he was too fucking fast that long legged motherfucker-” Nikki slammed the phone down back onto it’s base not even bothering to respond as sprinted out the front door and hailed the first taxi that came by, spewing out the address to his home in Van Nuys. He hoped that he would find Tommy at the place that held the majority of their memories.

He also hoped he didn’t fucking puke on the way there, because the thought of Tommy running away after finding out his boyfriend was dead and talking about wanting to join him made Nikki’s stomach lurch more than his own overdose ever could.

Upon arriving at his house, he knew that something was off when he noticed that his front door was unlocked. Now on high alert he walked slowly through the threshold and paused, shocked at the sight in front of him.

The house was absolutely trashed. Not in a ‘party that got too out of hand’ way though, no this was done with intent. Before he could dwell too much on the state of his place he noticed a figure on his couch and the image before him would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Nikki swore his heart stopped for the second time that day upon seeing his boyfriend slumped against the couch, needle sticking out of his arm with blood dried all the way down to his wrist, looking all but dead with his skin a shade paler than normal, and his dark hair falling in front of his face.

Nikki wanted to move, wanted to go shake shake shake Tommy until he woke up, until he saw those beautiful brown eyes that he never failed to get lost in, but his feet were glued to the floor.

This was his fucking fault.

He chose to blow the love of his fucking life off for fucking heroin, continued to do so for fucking months, got himself killed, and wouldn’t it be so fucking ironic if Nikki was given a second chance at life, only to find Tommy dead from a drug overdose?

It was like the universe knew that the only thing worse to Nikki than being dead, is not having Tommy, and it wasn’t hesitating to throw that terrifying piece of information right into Nikki’s face.

Begging his feet to move, his body finally listened to his brain as he stumbled towards Tommy, falling forward onto his hands and knees to crawl himself towards the drummer, fear still knotting up his gut.

His fingers itched to touch Tommy, to move the hair out of his face, feel his neck for a pulse, do something, ANYTHING. It took his mind a few seconds to convince his body to move, and Nikki sobbed in relief when his fingertips came into contact with a warm, very much alive cheek.

Suddenly feeling as if he had control of his body again, Nikki was pulling the needle out of his boyfriend's arm gently, as if moving too quickly could harm the drummer despite his unconscious state. Looking at the drummer's slack face had hot, fat tears running down the older man's face for what felt like the hundredth time that night. Pulling Tommy into his arms, feeling the familiar weight that he had held in his embrace for so many nights was almost too much for Nikki. His own trauma that he had endured that night, as well as looking at the pain that he had caused the love of his life made holding tears in impossible. He made no effort to hold back his sobs as he sniffled, and felt concern bubble up when Tommy let out no acknowledgment of his presence other than a soft grunt that could have easily been missed if the bassist hadn't been so hyper aware of everything involving his boyfriend at the moment.

Tommy hated smack, Nikki knew that. He didn't like the way smack made him feel and he didn't like that it took Nikki away from him, and the needle laying a few feet away where Nikki had tossed it and the blood staining Tommy's arm was a horrible reminder that he did this to Tommy.

Nikki knew he should move Tommy off of the filthy ground, get him out of this mess of debris and broken glass, but for the moment he was just going to hold him, and bury his face in his hair to dry the tears off of his cheeks. Inhaling with a small smile at the pleasant smell that wafted from the drummer’s hair, Nikki pushed his face a little deeper into it to try to get more, as if the smell could take away the absolute shitshow that was going on around him.

Tommy had just gotten a new shampoo recently, and Nikki remembered how much Tommy's eyes had lit up when Nikki commented on it, as if he couldn't believe that the bassist had noticed. Which was fair, considering he barely noticed anything other than when his smack supply was getting low these days.

So Nikki sat there, holding his boyfriend and praying- yes praying- that wherever Tommy was in his heroin induced haze he knew that he wasn't alone.

That Nikki was here, he didn't leave him all alone.

That despite Nikki's harsh words and distant attitude lately, he fucking loved him, and he was so, so sorry. As he sat there holding the younger boy, he finally had the chance to survey the destruction around them. He couldn’t picture his loving and kind Tommy possessing enough anger to cause this big of a mess. His eyes widened as he noticed that among the shattered whiskey bottles and- jesus, was that his record collection?- sat the collection of, now broken, awards that Motley had won over the years.

Could Tommy really love Nikki so much that the news of his ‘death’ could cause this much of a reaction?

Reaching down to cup the drummers lax face in his hand Nikki felt his tears return as he realized that his death would have an effect on his sweet boy. This had to end, because while Nikki could live with killing himself, at least this version of himself, he knew there was no part of him in this life or the afterlife that could live with killing Tommy.

As badly as Nikki’s fingers itched to go find whatever smack he had left in the house and shoot it to bury this overwhelming guilt at seeing his boyfriend passed out from a drug he despised in the middle of all this wreckage, instead Nikki was standing, picking up his lover’s lank form in his arms to make his way up the stairs to his bedroom.

Carrying Tommy proved to be harder than anticipated because despite the drummer’s naturally skinny form, Nikki’s own body had gotten dangerously thin these days due to his diet which consisted entirely of drugs.

Nevertheless, Nikki made it up the stairs on sheer willpower alone- he was NOT letting Tommy sleep in that fucking wreckage. Laying Tommy on top of the covers as gently as he could, supporting his boyfriend’s lulling head, Nikki wanted to cry at just how much Tommy looked like he was just sleeping.

So peaceful. But of course he was peaceful. Tommy was in a world where his boyfriend was alive, hadn’t overdosed on heroin, hadn’t selfishly chose drugs over someone he claimed to love every single fucking day.

Nikki lay down beside Tommy, gently rolling Tommy over so he could spoon him from behind, holding him tightly to his chest just like he did every night when he slept.

Nikki let his tears fall, hoping and praying that when Tommy woke up, he would recognize the familiarity of their position, and recognize the arms that held him like this.

Nikki pressed a kiss into Tommy’s hair on the back of his head, trying desperatly to keep his tired eyelids open as he listened to his boyfriend’s breathing, wondering how the fuck he was going to fix this, how he was going to remedy this situation when he didn’t even deserve Tommy in the first place.

——-

When Tommy’s eyes blearily opened hours later, the first thing that registered was- fuck his head hurt. The second thing that registered was the flood of overwhelming emotions and the sting of hot tears when he remembered the events of the previous night. The third thing that registered that he was in Nikki’s bed and someone was behind him, holding on for dear life- but wait- he knew those arms and it couldn't be true-

Turning over in the tight hold the older man had on him, Tommy felt lightheaded as his eyes met the shimmering green ones that he had been chasing in his split second decision to shoot up Nikki’s remaining stash.

Nikki looked horrible, he was covered in a sheen of sweat that Tommy very clearly recognized as the withdrawal sweats, and his eyes were bloodshot from what looked like a combination of exhaustion and tears.

“I’m dead”. Tommy croaked out, because that was the only reasonable explanation. This had to be heaven, but fuck, who let heaven give him such a bad fucking migraine? Or maybe it was hell, and they let him wake up in Nikki’s arms, only to drag him away later. Tommy didn’t think he could survive that though, even in hell.

An appropriate punishment though, for allowing his boyfriend to die thinking Tommy didn’t want him around anymore.

Tommy watched Nikki’s face contort with the most pained expression he had ever seen from the bassist, and his breath caught when Nikki shook his head.

“You’re not dead, baby boy, and neither am I.”

Tommy couldn't speak, so he settled for just staring into Nikki’s eyes. His beautiful green eyes, that were always Tommy’s favorite part of Nikki. They looked so real and so alive, but Tommy was afraid to believe.

“They brought me back baby, the EMT’s brought me back. I’m… I’m so fucking sorry.”

From there it was all fists clenched into T-shirt’s, tears soaking into hair, sobs getting lost into shoulders and hurried kisses pressed against heated skin.

“This won’t happen again baby.. You.. you mean so much more to me than anything, Tommy, anything, and I swear I’m getting off of this shit for you.”

“I didn’t mean it Nik, not a goddamn fucking word-“

“Stop baby, you don't have to explain, I know. It was all me, I was an asshole, I put the thing that was gonna fucking kill me above the thing trying to save me, and I’m so sorry, I swear to fucking god Tommy, never again.”

Tommy pulled his head out of its hiding spot in Nikki’s shoulder, and one look at the bassist’s teary, but determined face let Tommy know that yeah, Nikki meant it. He was so used to Nikki’s lying face by now, the face he gets when he just tells Tommy what he wants to hear, and this isn’t it.

So Tommy thumbed away his boyfriend’s tears, feeling his own slip down his face as he pressed a desperate, longing kiss to Nikki’s lips, smiling as he felt them tremble as they pushed back with just as much desperation.

And just like that, Tommy could breathe again.

#nikki sixx x tommy lee #tommy lee x nikki sixx #tommy/nikki #Terrorcest

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taehyungsgrowl · 6 years

Note

Could you do some hc about sex with Jim? ORRRR having to fake an orgasm with Jim?😂

OOF! I’m not super comfy w the headcanon format bc I think I suck @ them lol so I wrote a lil blurb instead!

also a shout out to @dark-jim for stopping by the chat after i posted a snippet of it for feedback. thanks for the inspo ;)

also please be nice; i dont normally write anything “rough” bc i’m a soft hoe ahaha so even though this is “dark!jim” i still think it is not as.. kinky or rough as it could have been if someone else had written it.

Jim stirred in his sleep, faintly feeling the bed rattle. He thought the soft panting was coming from his dreams until he felt her hand gripping at the sheets beneath him. His eyes opened slowly, turning his body around; the faint moonlight that shown through the curtains, providing a soft blue glow to her face. Her eyes were closed as she was lost in bliss; unaware of the ogle he had her in.

“Y/N?” his raspy voice brining her back to the present. Her hand shot out of her panties, she felt embarrassment cloud her face.

“Jim!” she choked out, as he reached to turn on the lamp on their nightstand.

There is an evident smirk on Jim’s face when he turns to face her again. “Hm, did my greedy little baby want to cum again?” he chuckled leaning over to kiss her jaw.

Y/N avoided his gaze. There were no secrets between her and Jim, but she didn’t know how to tell him that she didn’t… finish during their earlier session.

“Baby, if you wanted to cum again all you had to do was ask.” he lifted her chin up to meet her eyes.

She felt the heat rise to her cheeks, “Yeah, but I didn’t want to wake you just because I didn’t.. you know..” she let the sentence hang, letting the words process in his mind.

“Wait, you didn’t cum? But you..” his brows furrowed, “You faked it.” he sounded almost hurt, saying it out loud.

Y/N sheepishly nodded her head. She could see the anger rising in him.

“Hm,” he rubbed his chin, biting the corner of his mouth. “You should know better than to lie to me, Y/N” his eyes were blown wide, as he kept his steel gaze on her.

“No secrets, remember?” He placed a hand on her hip and positioned himself above her.

“I - I know. I’m sor-” she was cut off by the hand that gripped her throat. His grasp was firm, but he didn’t block her airway.

He released her neck, using the back of his hand to stroke her cheek. They were dancing on a thin line. She knew Jim liked to tip toe on the edge. The contrast in the way he touched her made her dizzy.

“Was my cock not enough for you that you had to use your pretty little hands to try and pleasure yourself?” Jim searched for her hand. He tightly gripped her wrist, causing her to gasp lightly. Her fingers were now brought to his lips, he sucked on them, obscenely making a show of it. He could taste her arousal on them and it only made him tighten his hold on her.

“Answer me,” he spoke lowly, inching himself down her body, until the tip of his nose was pressed against the waistband of her panties. He could smell the heat radiating from her and it drove him mad. He wanted to be the one to give her that release. He needed it.

Her entire body was on fire. She felt Jim’s eagerness to please her along with the rage that built in him for lying to him.

“N-no,” her eyes were on his now. Jim rubbed the tip of his nose along the waistband.

“No? Hm..” he pulled his face back, meeting her with an evident frown. “Are you saying my cock can’t satisfy your greedy little cunt?” He spat out the last word.

He harshly tugged at her panties, letting the band snap back on her skin. She winced at the slight sting it left.

“I don’t even think you deserve to cum.”

“Please, Jim, I’m sorry.” she begged, writhing beneath him.

“Oh, you’ll be sorry.” he chuckled darkly, ridding her of her thin undergarment.

His hand came down against her pussy, once, twice, three times. He felt her stickiness with every lift of his hand.

“Jim..” she whined, cowering back into the mattress.

“Jim,” he took his voice up an octave, mocking her. Jim rolled his eyes at her, imitating the panting sounds she made to wake him.

With one final slap to her pussy, he pushed three of his fingers into her core. Y/N yelped out at the intrusion.

Jim curled them in slowly, his calloused fingers rubbing against her walls. Sliding his digits in and out of her with ease. He slid them to her swollen clit and pinched it between his fingers. Y/N sucked in her breath at his harshness.

Y/N brought her hands to his bicep, digging her fingernails into his sun kisses skin. He was toying with her and she knew it. The way he pumped his fingers inside her, never quite getting to where she wanted. She was in for a long night.

Jim lowered himself, coming face to face with her dripping cunt. His hot breath fanned over her, sending a shiver down her spine. He noticed the way her body shifted on the bed, ready to be devoured by him. Jim sucked his plump lips, watching the way her eyes darted from his eyes to his mouth.

Jim licked a stripe down her navel following the path of smooth skin to her clit. He let out a cold, jarring blow to her pussy. The coolness contrasting to her gathering heat. “Ah..” she tried to move herself higher up on the mattress, only yo be held still by his hands on her hips.

“Uh, uh...” he shook his head. “You wanted to cum. And you will. On my command. Understood?”

Y/N nodded her head, her mind filled with utter devotion.

Jim slapped her cunt again, “Understood?” he asked again, cocking an eyebrow at her. Does she really want to test me right now? He thought.

“Y-yes, I understand.” her reply was shaky. Her thoughts were on the way the palm of his hand felt rough against her softness. The way the stinging lingered with her even after his hand was gone.

“Good girl.” he lowered his lips on to hers. His tongue slowly parted her entrance, barely dipping in. She could feel the tip of his nose rest against her sensitive areas; she tried moving her hips to feel anything, but she was kept still by his gridlock hold.

She bit back the frustrated groan that wanted to escape her lips. Fucking Jim, she thought.

Her heart was pounding in her ears as he lapped at her wetness. Hot tongue on wet flesh. The slushing sounds echoing through their bedroom.

Jim came up from the haven between her legs to kiss and nibble on the inside of her thighs. “No,” he kisses her, “secrets,” he bit her skin, “got it?” he marked her with a hickey. “You’re mine. This pussy is mine. I’m the one who makes you cum.” He encompassed her sensitive bud of nerves between his lips.

Sucking. Biting. Kissing. Licking

Y/N was seeing stars. The familiar feeling building in her tummy. Tied in knots, desperate to be undone. “Jimmy,” she whined. “Please, I - I can’t” she clenched her teeth.

He latched on to her clit massaging it with his tongue until her felt her shaking beneath him. He hummed in response. Hearing the way she moaned out his name, chanting it like a prayer, causing him to become hard again.

She unraveled for him. Her pleasure seeping through her. Jim’s tongue and assailant on her tender intimacy.

As her breathing returned to normal and she came down from the high of her rapture, Jim kissed up her body. He left a wet trail of kisses up her tummy and in the valley between her breasts. He smiled into her skin, feeling her heart still racing under his kisses.

Jim hid in the crook of her neck; he mumbled sweet nothings to the skin under her ear. He sent tickles down her neck, as he praised her.

“Did so good for me.” he kissed her neck. “You’re my priority.” he promised her.

Jim flipped them over to have her resting on his chest. He stroked her hair as she drifted to sleep. Her light snoring comforting him back to his slumber.

okay sorry i didnt know how to end that fjgfedkrja so hope you enjoy!

tagging: Tagging: @codyfernss @1-800-bitchcraft@langdonsoceaneyes@maso-xchrist @sweetlangdon @michael-langdon-appreciation@dunc-donut @yourkingcodyfern @heownstheuniverse@yourkingcodyfern@duncandimension @duncan-shepherd@michael-langdxn@ccodyfern @daadddysprincesss @missantichrist @lovelylangdonx@xtheinevitableprophecyx @cryptid-coalition@queenofthedarkandsparkles@queencocoakimmie@ghostiesbedroom @sammythankyou@ritualmichael @tickled–pinkmoodpoisoning @nana15774@missantichrist@americanhorrorstudies @et-tu-bitch @eternal-langdon@kykybright98 @starwlkers @icylangdon@thorsdiana @langdonsrapture@langdonsrapture@avesatanormalpeoplescareme@flowersiren@gremlinkween @litenbaby @infernal-langdon @kissydevil@langdonsdemon @fireandreignmichael @sloppy-little-witch-bitch26 @wroteclassicaly @divinelangdon @theharvestgirloffire @jimmlangdon @mega-combusken @michael-langdon-owns-my-soul @littlehouseofleaves @ccodyfern

#NO NEED TO KICK MY ASS FRIENDS I FINISHED!#JIM MASON #jim mason x reader #JIM MASON SMUT #DARK!JIM #sorta #still soft srry #The Tribes of Palos Verdes #ttopv #ahs #smut #jim mason fanfic #cody fern #michael langdon

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runningfromrealitytoanime · 5 years

Text

SPOILERS FOR THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

Watched this a few days back and even though I have seen so many reviews about how amazing the movie is, I couldn’t help but feel that for once, I agree with the critics.

If you haven't watched the movie, DONT READ THIS!

One thing I felt was pretty stupid is that after all the hype of Snoke being the new bad guy of the galaxy, turns out Palpatine is the one behind everything. it may sound cool and all with him being the mastermind of all the previous star wars films but at the same time, I just felt like then whats the point of having Snoke in the picture to begin with? Also the fact he said the Sith planet Exegol is supposed to be impossible to find and bam, he has a whole fleet of ships plus all those troops available at their disposal; I find it really stupid at how he managed to gather the resources for it. Equipment isn't free.

We all remember Hux being the annoying guy who tries to make life miserable for Kylo Ren and after all the hoo ha of the first two films, he gets shot in the chest and dies because he was the traitor. All because he just doesn't want Kylo to win. I have read some fanfics about him doing just that but to see him dying such a miserable lame death just didn’t add up to what he had done. Why sell out something you work hard for and even work with the very people giving your own hell just because of a grudge?

I was so disappointed with how they portrayed the Knights of Ren. I expected them to be powerful Force users, ex students from the Jedi Order Luke created that were taken away by Kylo when he destroyed the Temple but no, they didnt so much say a word and just lingered in the shadows the entire time. When they fought, all six of them were taken down so quickly by Kylo, it was ridiculous. The strongest warriors in the galaxy my ass. Even BB8 up can put a better fight than them.

Then there is Rey being Palpatine’s granddaughter. After all the talk of her being no one and being left behind by her parents, it was ridiculous and an insult to say her parents were nobody along with Rey. Her father was the son of the cruelest Emperor in the galaxy and he took the chance to save his daughter by sacrificing his life along with his wife. How can that be treated as a worthless sacrifice by calling them nobodies? That’s an insult to everything Rey had been through along with her parents dying like that.

Ben Solo dying at the last moment was something I kinda expected but was very hurt and sad about at the end of it. We had the chance to see him come back to the light side, only to embrace Rey and die on her. Its so sad to see that while he came back to the Light, he died anyways and that may be a faster and simpler way to end things considering of how complicated things would be if he lived and had to atone for his sins, but it hurt so bad. The kiss was sweet but it gave a sliver of hope to Reylo fans that things might work out, only for it not to happen. I was close to tears to see that no one had a happy ending of sorts at the end of it, none of them being with the one they loved at the end.

People may say the prequels were trash and that it had bad screenwriting and casting, but I have to say, after watching Rise of Skywalker, I don’t think I can ever look at Star Wars the same way ever again. I’m not judging it because of Ben dying and Reylo not being a thing, although I am mad about it, but it hurt to see what could have been an amazing story and the development of many amazing characters becoming something that tore my heart out.

Dont judge me for writing about it in such a way. I know many people enjoyed the film. I’m just not one of them.

I have read fanfiction with better outcomes than the movie, and I think I might just stick with them for now on. Star Wars has been something that I grew up with and adored but now, I don’t think I can ever look at it the same way again. I am grateful of having had the chance to go to the cinema to watch the sequels as a young adult, but now I think it may be time for me to move away from this chapter of my life and leave the end of a 42-year old saga of a galaxy far far away behind me.

#rise of skywalker #revew #sadness #plotholes #poor character development #ben solo deserved better

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acjense-blog · 5 years

Text

Why Do You Have To Ruin Everything?! Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: You mess up on a mission, you misunderstand their silent treatment and hide away in your room for weeks, until one day. Warnings: language, angst, shitty writing, bad summary and that's about it :) Word count: 1,700 A/N: There's gonna be a part 2 for this! With a fluffy ending, because too much angst gives me a headache. Hope you enjoy this little one shot.

Everyone stepped off the quinjet, walking in silence into the compound. Your mission was a disaster, you did nothing right and now you felt like everyone blamed and hated you for being so useless. You've been doing missions for the past 2 years, training alongside the captain Steve Rogers himself. And yet, even after kicking your own ass and training for hours every day, you still managed to fuck up a simple quick and easy mission. You blew your cover way too quickly, alerting guards of your existence, which meant the rest of the team had to intervene or you would be dead, and as cap reminded you he didn't want that on his conscience. So now you were back home, back at the compound. You knew sooner or later Cap is gonna want a talk with you about what happened, but right now you weren't in the mood. You just wanted to grab some food, and head to your room to shower and wind down with a movie. Everyone stepped into the elevator, you were pushed to the back with Bucky on your left. He also never said a word to you on the way back. Was he mad at you too? "Hey Buck" you whispered into him, but he didn't glance in your direction. You heard him sigh and saw how tense his body had become by your close proximity. Not wanting to make him uncomfortable, you slowly shifted more to your right, biting your lip hard to suppress the tears that were watering at a dangerous level in your eyes. Everyone stepped off the elevator when it stopped at the commons floor, your room was a floor up, so you stayed behind until everyone had left. Not that they would notice anyway. You pressed the button to your floor and waited patiently for the doors to open, once they did you paced quickly to your room, locking it securely behind you. Once you knew you were safe, you slid your back down the door and brought your knees to your chest, letting out quiet sobs and whimpers, gripping your hair with both hands. Once composed, you took a hot steamy shower, washing away any blood and sweat that lingered from the failed mission. You quickly got changed into your comfiest sleep wear and peeled back the duvets and climbed under. You flicked through the movie selections on Netflix, your mind not paying any attention to the writing in front of you and oddly, you weren't even hungry. A quiet knock on your door and the sound of the doorknob trying to be turned caught your attention, you quickly turned off the lights and listened intently. "Y/n are you in there?" It was Steve's voice, you knew he would wanna talk to you. "Y/n please I just want to make sure you're okay?" He pleaded through the door. "Is she in there?" You heard a second voice outside the door, "y/n its Bucky!" He yelled with a knock. Oh great, now two super soldiers wanted to talk. Honestly, you were quite happy being locked away in your room for the rest of the night, but now here you were, two super soldiers knocking on your door and refusing to leave. It didn't help that FRIDAY told them you were aware of their presence outside your door. You cursed that AI sometimes... You still didn't wanna talk tonight, you had an idea. "FRIDAY?" the AI beeped, acknowledging your voice, "yes miss y/l/n?" You took a deep breath before speaking, "please inform Steve Rogers and Sargent Barnes I am not feeling too well tonight and wish to be left in peace" you sat on the edge of your bed, holding the palm of your hands over your kneecaps "yes of course miss y/l/n" the AI responded. You sighed a breath of relief when you heard footsteps walking away from your door. You knew deep down you would need to face them sooner or later, since you shared the same floor with them. Just not tonight, you kept telling yourself. But 'just not tonight' turned into a whole five weeks of you not leaving your bedroom. You sneaked into the kitchen occasionally taking food and running straight back to your comfort zone. You've so far avoided everyone in the compound, even Tony stopped by and tried to lure you out. You felt ashamed and useless. You could have gotten yourself killed if you weren't so stupid. You had dozens of missed calls, text messages and emails from the team. You simply replied to no one. But how long could you actually hide in here? By not leaving, you weren't training or practicing your knife skills. And you knew Steve would be less than pleased about that. The team knew they had to get you out of your room, they noticed the bits of food they had put in the fridge as a trap were being taken, they could just never catch you. You were far too smart and fast, even for the super soldiers. Bucky was more concerned, the guilt was eating him alive when he ignored your greeting in the elevator when you got back, he saw the tears in your eyes and could feel your heartbreak. He wanted nothing more than to just reach out and tell you it was all gonna be okay, but the team had insisted to teach you a lesson. They had planned to lecture you the next day, but when they were having a hard time getting you from your room, their plan backfired. Nobody was angry with you, they were concerned if it should happen again, they would teach you what to do. The silent treatment wasn't intended, everyone was feeling the burn and exhaustion and everyone too tired to speak to each other. It was simply a misunderstanding. So they had a plan, they would tell FRIDAY to inform you that everyone was leaving for a mission and you would be by yourself. You felt relief to be alone, be able to watch a movie in the commons room and order pizza without judgement. It was 9PM, everyone should have left by now. You put on a pair of black leggings and an oversized hoodie and made your way to the commons room. All the lights were off and the building was eerily quiet. Just the sounds of your own footsteps padding against the floors underneath you. You stepped into the empty room and flicked on a light. Leftover pizza was on the coffee table, with soda sitting next to it. You smiled to yourself, walking over to it, bending slightly to pull the slice out of the box, it was unusually still hot. That's when you felt two large arms wrap around your body and pull you close to their chest, you could tell by the shiny metal arm it was Bucky holding you tight, not letting you run away. "Bucky?" You gasped, his embrace squeezing your lungs out of your body, "what are you doing?!" You panic. He leans in, pressing his lips to your ears, "you cant hide now, Doll" he whispers. His voice husky, his breath fanning your neck. "Y/n?" You heard Steve's voice behind you and Bucky, who still had you pressed against his chest. "Steve." You said, giving up the fight to try and fight the beast. "We were worried about you" he stands in front of you, smirking with his arms folded across his chest. You were pressed so close to Bucky that reaching back and kicking him in the groin wasn't an option, and he probably wouldn't even feel it. "Okay so you got me, let's talk. I fucked up, so fire me.." you began with a shaky voice, "fire me and find someone else worthy of a place on this team" you sighed, leaning your head back against Bucky's thick chest, he presses his cheek on top of your head. "I'm not gonna fire you y/n, I just want you to train with me and Buck to help you get out of a situation next time should it happen" Steve said with a serious expression. "Replacing you is not an option" he unfolds his arms and slides his hands into his pockets. "I'll see you on Monday for your training." He said walking away, you heard other voices so you quickly assumed they had not left for a mission, but used it as a trap. And it worked. Now you had a new problem. Getting out of Bucky's death grip. "Bucky." You closed your eyes, wrapping your own hands around his that were placed tightly around your stomach. "Yes doll?" He asked, brushing his lips back and forth on your hair, what the hell is he doing "Can you let me go now" you tried to pull his strong hands off, they weren't even budging. You sighed in defeat, earning a chuckle from the Sargent, his laugh vibrated against your back. "I don't ever wanna let you go Doll" he said close to your ear. Your heart fluttered. "You dont mean that.. you dont even like me" you scoffed in barely a whisper, but loud enough for him to hear. His grip loosened, you turned around and breathed like a normal person. But froze when you saw his face, the look of sadness and anger in his blue eyes. "What's wrong?" You asked concerned, stretching a hand out but he pushed your hand away and stepped back. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING Y/N?!" Bucky screamed in your face, you were shocked and before you could ask what happened. He stormed out of the room, slamming the door so hard it shook the door frames. You couldn't stop the tears from falling, why did you have to ruin everything.

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yaz-the-spaz · 5 years

Note

I'm sure you've noticed me stalking your blog these past two days lol and I have another question if you dont mind. In my last ask you said you had some theories about zayn leaving ot4vszayn etc and I was wondering if you would expand upon them? If you dont want to write it all out, you can point me towards certain tags or other blogs if you want. I've been looking through your tags and have found a lot but I wanted to know if there is something that might be more like a timeline of sorts? Thx!!

hey there! here i finally am, so sorry to have kept you waiting but i hope this reply finds you well! :)

now onto your questions…

so as far as a timelines @bakagamieru has some really good masterposts (x, x) that i would recommend checking out that really break things down play-by-play and i think most of which was compiled as it was happening so it’s a super great (and super detailed) documentation of all the shit that was going down during that period and all the narrative inconsistencies and stunts and back and forth, etc. they’re quite long though and, like i said, very detailed so i would recommend making sure you have plenty of time on your hands before you get sucked down a masterpost and link rabbit hole lol

and for more thoughts/theories of mine i would say check my zayn vs. ot4 tags (x, x - sorry there’s multiple iterations of this, apparently sometimes i had put a period after vs and sometimes i didn’t and now i have two tags smh at my own damn irritating inconsistency)

now onto the meat of your question, which is my current theories on zayn leaving/the zayn vs. ot4 narrative which i’m gonna put as a read more cause i’m not in the mood for ppl coming for me if they disagree, so read at your own risk folks…

so over the years there’s four main theories that i’ve personally gone back and forth over, which i’m gonna summarize quickly and try and explain as succinctly as i can my thoughts on each one and my opinion on the likelihood of it holding credence

disclaimer before i get into the explanations - a large part of my reasoning has to do with the caveat of there possibly being any kind of real tension or bad blood between zayn and louis in particular or any of the other boys. not saying that it was necessarily actually the case, just that it was a potential factor that went into my rationale and personal mental debate over the whole situation

he was coerced in some shape or form to leave and instead of fighting it, went along with it (maybe b/c he was already unhappy) - if there ever was actually any real animosity between him and louis (or harry/niall), this could explain why louis (or the others) might have hypothetically been mad at him b/c he might have felt that zayn could’ve/didn’t fight hard enough or went along with it too easily. but all that aside, even if there was no tension between him and louis/the boys, this option makes a lot of sense because given all he talked about going through in the band (depression, the e.d., too much pressure, not having control or being able to do what he wanted, the intense and rampant closeting putting a strain on his relationship, etc.) it’s not hard to see how he might’ve felt this was the best and only option

he was coerced into leaving, tried to fight it but couldn’t (and possibly even knew for a while that it was coming) - this wouldn’t explain why louis (or the others) might have hypothetically been mad at him but instead does put more credence into the fact that that was completely contrived and pushed by mgmt, and is also just as likely as #1 to me for pretty much the same reasons, not to mention it explains some shady things that happened in the months leading up to it re him not being there for certain promo obligations and appearances, etc.

he was coerced into leaving and had absolutely no choice about it and no way to fight it (i.e. didn’t necessarily want to leave but still knew for a while that it was coming) - pretty much same reasoning as above for this one, the only difference being that in this scenario he wouldn’t have wanted to leave at all which given all he went through i just don’t know if i believe that was wholly the case (more on this below)

he chose to leave completely on his own - although it would explain any lingering animosity, this to me is the least likely in large part because i just have a hard time believing he would have chosen all on his own to just up and leave in the middle of a tour, not to mention been allowed to (esp given that they would’ve all known they had the hiatus coming up not long after and were about to go the countries where zayn specifically probably have had the biggest following/fan support - the middle east and north africa). but even if he hypothetically really did choose it all on its own it’s hard for me to believe that he would have even been able to leave like that unless there was some element of complacency from their mgmt that allowed it to happen and then you have to wonder why would they just let 1/5 of their biggest money maker walk away with no law suits, no drama, no nothing. it stinks of a larger plan at play which is what brings me back to the theories above.

those are the main theories that i’ve gone back and forth on and i’ve never really been able to settle on just one, but to me given all that he expressed after leaving the most likely are the first two. i think all of the boys were pretty much done with how they were being treated, but zayn especially so, and it’s very easy for me to see how, when the opportunity arose he might have accepted because he felt it was the best way to save himself (as in his mental and physical health) and possibly also his relationship, though whether that acceptance was with a little (theory #1) or lot (theory #2) of initial opposition on his part, who’s to say. however, i definitely believe that, regardless of the details, there was some element of seeding and/or coercion from tptb, esp when considered in context with the shadiness of certain things, like him not being at certain events that he should’ve legally been obligated to be at in the months leading up to his leaving if no one but him knew he was planning on leaving. or him crying at the last concert that he performed at. those do not seem to be like the actions of a man who wanted to leave completely of his own accord and without any degree of finessing by mgmt to orchestrate it. when you’re a mega popstar in the biggest band in the world you don’t just not show up to something. that’s the type of situation where people will literally come to your house and drag you out of bed because you’re costing them a shit ton of money (like millions of dollars worth of money) by not being there. there’s tons of stories of rock stars where managers or someone from their team would literally go bang down a missing band member’s door, shove them in the shower to sober them up or help them whatever they needed to do, and drag their ass on stage to perform or to a press event or whatever. so you can bet that nothing less, if not the same, would be done for a missing member of a multi-billion-dollar-making band if need be.

so yeah zayn just not showing up for promo events and performances in the months leading up to his leaving? not believable to me at all. the only conceivable reason for him not to have been there is if mgmt didn’t want him there and the only reason (at least that i can think of) for why you wouldn’t 1/5 of your biggest money-maker to be somewhere he should have been legally obligated to be (and that might’ve cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars for him not to be) is if he wasn’t legally obligated to be there because you were already in the process of phasing him out. ergo it was very likely planned. months in advance. and if it was planned months in advance with the help and orchestration of mgmt then that story of him just deciding to up and leave is complete bs and makes it even more likely to me that there was a level of coercion (because again if 1/5 of your biggest money maker suddenly says to you ‘i wanna leave’ you’re gonna do everything in your power to make him stay so you can keep making money, not help phase him out. unless of course you want him out, which they clearly did.)

one last thing i wanna add is a link to a post i had saved that i feel adds a bit of further credence to all this, it’s nothing concrete but it’s something that helped solidify some things for me when i was a giant ball of confusion over what to believe

anyway, i know that i rambled on forever and this definitely did not end up being as succinct or brief as i had hoped (though lbr when is anything i do ever), but i hope this at least sort of answered your questions and made some amount of sense/was not too incoherent and didn’t completely bore you to death lol

#asks #kurtain-the-cat #my thoughts #zayn vs. ot4 #zayn vs ot4 #zayn leaving #theories #(side note: there's also one more side theory re louis and harry's possible/hypothetical animosity toward zayn #that i didn't include here cause it's super tinhatty and has to do with babygate #but if you're still curious about that after reading all this then we can talk about that too)

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papistark · 5 years

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Okay. I’ve allowed a night to let everything sink in. I’m ready to talk about Endgame now.

*cinemasins voice* spoilers!! (duh..)

so the wounds are still fresh. v v v v v v v v v fresh. but my thoughts during the entire movie were just OMG IM TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE THING THAT IS HAPPENING SO I CAN REMEMBER IT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE BEFORE i inevitably go see this movie again

This is what the movie reduce me to like 99% of the time btw

now, I’m gonna try and break this up to be as organized as possible into 4 main sections which will be general thoughts, the highs, the lows, and closing thoughts. that may sound organized but I promise it won’t be and as always I’ll have to use bullet holes to even stay relatively "organized"

I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out that I either loved or would wanna discuss but tbh the ENTIRE FILM i was just like GOD I WANNA REMEMBER THIS FOREVER!! Every scene that happened i was like god there's still 3 hours of stuff that's going to happen but I want to remember it all!!!

Overall

this movie was good. and i’m mad it was so good and i found it so enjoyable for how dirty they did me. The pacing was pretty well done for a first viewing, but I'm sure after a couple rewatches I'll get caught up on the occasional misstep in the pacing and general direction the story took, but I really liked it!!

I thought the Thor stuff was kinda distasteful and honestly a joke that ran too long. Like ha ha okay we get it but also? He went through so much fucking trauma can we just lay off him? Damn? I don't wanna linger too much on it bc honestly the more I think about it the more I get upset the russos did him dirty

all the callbacks??? made me so emotional????? eleven years and almost two dozen films guys holy fucking shit it felt like such a good homage to bring stuff back

Yo literally when they went up to busted ass thanos i leaned over to my bf and whispered "are they just gonna kill thanos in the first ten minutes is that allowed" and uh YEP! WOW

Also the opening scene being Clint's family getting dusted... gasps in my theater y'all they went in hard on us

TIME HEIST!!!!!! FUCK marvel knows how to take you on a fun journey!! The concept was so fun!!

I also appreciate them mixing up the plot a bunch to keep us guessing!! Like fuck, when Thanos was finding out through Nebula... future nebula talking to past gamora i was SO SOFT... sisters...

Hulk was... weird. It felt a weird kind of fanservicey for a little bit, and honestly a little out of place? But. Eh. Wasn't the worst part. Certain parts of it were fun! I think I got used to it haha

Everyone looked. So good. After the time jump. Damn. Thank you make up department for everyone's new looks. I live for silver fox tony always.

I loved seeing Loki again i know it was so little content BUT I DONT CARE I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY FUCKING PRINCE

We didn't get as much Nebula and Tony content as I was hoping but god it was so cute and tender in the beginning. Imagine all that bonding. Nebula finding tony on the floor, knowing he's on the brink of death, and propping him up in the seat :'(((( tony helping fix nebula :(((( the father daughter relationship we deserved and didn't get to see come to fruition.

AMERICA'S ASS. THANK YOU SCOTT LANG.

All the New York flash back was so fucking fun. The elevator scene. Brilliant. I really thought they were gonna recreate but it was such a fun tease. Also cap making fun of his past self for saying "i could do this all day" I SCREAM why do the Russo's get steve so well

Carol taking a direct punch in the face from Thanos without even flinching? We stan a goddess

ALSO SHORT HAIRED CAROL YESSSS I LIVED!!!!! YES!!!! (But also that movie could've used like way more Carol thats just mY OPINION)

Also AGAIN, I DON'T CARE THAT IT WAS FAN SERVICE, STEVE WEILDING MJOLNIR WAS E V E R Y T H I N G. They have TEASED US since that one middle avengers movie we don't talk about that he was worthy and!!! Our!! Son!! Is!! Fucking!!! Worthy. And the scene of thor making him swap w/ him "you get the little one" i screamed bitch

also I was living for how much Steve swore in this film lol literally fuck joss Whedon's characterization we don't know her!

Valkyrie on a Pegasus thank you THANK YOU i was living

That entire final action scene..... holy fucking shit y'all. It was just crazy enough without being too crazy. I loved the callback to the original long continuous shot

THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND SANG WITH THAT A-FORCE SCENE. YES. ALL THE MARVEL LADIES LINING UP. THEY ARE HERE AND THEY ARE THE STRONGEST OF US ALL. A-FORCE. FUCKING A-FORCE. Thank you Russo's for my LIFE

Carol's little "hi peter parker :)" god i love them. I love peter. My fucking spider son. I missed him so much. I missed Tom Holland's sweet peach little face AH I CRIED WHEN HE SHOWED BACK UP

Also last kind of ~general~ thought i know i don't get time travel at all and it is an instant way to confuse me in any franchise but wouldn't steve doing what he did fuck literally everything up idk we'll get to steve in a bit

Highs

morgan

fucking

stark

I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT FED WITH SUCH GOOD TONY CONTENT THIS FILM ONLY FOR THEM TO STOMP ON MY HEART LMAOOO

DAD TONY BEING AS LOVING AND DOTING AND SWEET AND TENDER W/ HIS DAUGHTER AS WE ALL HAVE HEADCANONED HIM TO BE FOR YEARS!!!

TONY GETTING HIS JUSTIFICATION IN BEING MAD not just mad but PISSED at Cap for how everything fell out. catharsis. felt good scoob.

speaking of good tony content of course i need to just take a moment to YELL ABOUT STONY thank you russos for the fan service thank you for having tony ogle and comment on steve rogers’ ass it almost makes up for all the pain and suffering

btw do y’all think the H. for Morgan’s middle name stands for Harley because I LIKE TO THINK SO

also am i lowkey annoyed that like half of viewers won’t recognize an adult ty simpkin at tony’s funeral at the end even tho i know i shouldn't be because ot everyone is a die hard BUT half the articles im looking up for reviews and shit of that scene literally all the results are “SO WHO IS THAT KID AT THE END OF ENDGAME” YOU FUCKING FOOLS IT’S TONY’S FIRST BORN SON HARLEY KEENER FROM IRON MAN 3. FUCKS. im getting off topic anyway i was just happy they brought him back because I am an iron man 3 enthusiast and his relationship with tony was SO important and this confirms that at the very least tony kept in contact with him over all these years!!! and he wasn’t just some insignificant blip

Not to be stony on main but steve being the first person to hold Tony again once he was back on earth :)))) wrow.

Also the first thing tony telling him being "I lost the kid" WOW BREAK MY HEART MORE HUH!! WHY NOT!!

The first thing Peter doing when he saw Tony again :'') just rambling about everything that happened and tony just so happy to see him alive and hugging him so tight I'M NOT FINE!! NOTHING WILL EVER BE FINE AGAIN!!!

I appreciated the closure with Howard like?? A lot?? I'm the last person to be a Howard stark apologist, but I think his character and his relationship w/ Tony and how Tony viewed him as a father and as a man was so well crafted throughout the series??? Idk I liked that scene it was good to my baby.

And now a pOSSIBLY CONTROVERSIAL~~ opinion but..... I loved Steve's ending. I really did. I thought he got a beautiful and fitting ending and I was so happy. It meant so much especially to hear his reasonging being that in a way, he did it for Tony. He was inspired by what Tony told him. He saw Tony get his happy ending and for so many films now Steve has been searching for that and he missed an entire life. Tony helped him realize that. It just made me!! So emo!! Like Bucky's face when he knew Steve wasn't gonna be coming back. Steve's last convo w/ Sam. It was just amazing. I can't believe I'm seeing hot takes from people calling Steve selfish or blaming the fact that the Russos have a boner for Steggy or whatever. Who cares!!! Steve got his happy ending and it was well deserved and a wonderful arc!! Lay off him bc you ship him w/ Bucky or tony more damn!!!! (Idk about the timeline y'all dont come for me i really have no idea i think the Russos just said fuck it for that one even when talking about not fucking up the timeline)

Lows

Natasha deserved better. She did. I understand why they took her character arc the way that they did, and honestly, this is the first time I've felt we've seen Natasha have even a modicum of actual character traits since like, Iron man 2 and Avengers 1. She found purpose in keeping the family together and trying to help the people left living, while never stopping or losing contact with anyone else in their endeavors to fix what Thanos broke. As tired as I am of seeing a female character die for ~man pain~ this felt like so much more than that. In the end Nat wanted to sacrifice herself for the greater good, and that's what she did. I'm still fucking upset though, even though they've butchered her character across almost all the films she's been in

Thor being turned into an entire fucking joke. That's it. I got nothin left for the writers at this point.

So..... let's talk about Tony's death, shall we

"You can rest now" broke me. It truly did. I've never loved any fictional character across any medium as much as I have loved Tony Stark. But Pepper's line at the beginning "you'll sleep, but will you rest?" Is so fucking telling. I think I immediately knew for sure in that moment. Because she's right. And that's the worst part.

Peter :)))) finally :)))) calling :))))) tony :)))) by :)) his :)))) first :)) name :))) as he was dying :)))) asking him not to go the same way he told tony he didn't want to go when he was getting dusted GOD. AND WE THOUGHT THAT SCENE IN INFINITY WAR WAS ROUGH. HAD N O T H I N G ON THIS.

No offense but where was Rhodey when Tony was dying lmao ok

That funeral scene.... seeing everyone there drawn together..... god. It was beautiful. It really was.

Of course I'm not happy. I'm extremely fucking upset. I knew tony wielding the gauntlet would be coming, but I thought they would find a way for him to make it out alive. As soon as they were showing that even the hulk couldn't handle it with the gamma radiation, I knew the nail was going to be in the coffin.

All that aside... what I can say, is that if they HAD to kill him off, I think it was a proper send off. We saw so many arcs of Tony's come to a close, and I knew it was just a matter of time. Also that being said, I really don't believe in death being necessary to end a character's arc. Yeah yeah blah blah we get the sad and tragic but TRUE message that at the end of the day death is inevitable and that tony had to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He and Strange both knew it, and as soon as Strange held up that finger I knew that was it for him.

It wouldn't be so hard if they hadn't given us everything they did with tony after the 5 year jump. He healed. He was HAPPY. But pepper was right, and as long as Tony was alive... he would never truly /rest/. And that's the only way I'm able to make peace with this death. Tony has always been a character who was just going going going, never going to stop even if it killed him, all to protect the ones he loved, and protect the whole world and make it a better place. He had a beautiful story that was told so well over these past eleven years, with admitted shortcomings here and there. He had the most cohesive trilogy films, the best character development and arcs, and an incredible portrayal. I'm grateful for it, but that doesn't make it any easier that they decided to go and show us that Tony was able to FINALLY settle down with Pepper and see him find the best version of himself as a husband to her and a father to his little baby girl. A baby girl that now has to grow up without her dad, and pepper has to go on without her husband, the love of her life. It's fucking tragic and honestly, we didn't need that imho lmao

The hardest parts is that like.... idk. I feel like the only reason they killed him is for shock factor, but somehow without the shock? A lot of us felt or were worried that this was coming. I think the russos and co. We're just totally set on the idea that like... tony HAD to die and that was the only way for this arc to come to a close not just WITHIN the universe, but meta, outside of the MCU as well. They did the same thing with Hugh jackman as Logan and that shit HURTED me y'all. Eleven years we had RDJ give us this amazing character and he is the SOLE reason the MCU is where it is today. So you know what, the Russo's and everyone can circle jerk about how much ~poetic justice~ there is in this ending for Tony, but at the end of the day... it just ain't it fam.

Realistically I know after wielding the infinity stones there is no way Tony, a human, could've survived, even with his armor on. I knew that. And as biased as I am towards seeing Tony living, if he had wielded the stones and NOT died? It would've felt cheap. So again, if they had to end his life, I appreciate the way they did it and thought it was the best send off they could've given him. I also would've appreciated some kind of alternate option where oh i dont know carol or someone strong enough could've handled the snap and tony could live the rest of his days with his wife and daughter and found family but..... ig that's just me huh.

:(((( Happy asking Morgan what she wanted and her saying "cheeseburgers" SHE'S JUST LIKE HER DADDY I AM SO!!! UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And last thought is that I fucking cried AGAIN because the biggest applause moment was during the credits when RDJ's name appeared. My theater gave a standing damn ovation. Also the very last sound after it faded to black... Tony hammering away, building the very first Iron Man suit.... that shit hurted.

If any of y'all read this and wanna yell about stuff w/ me I WELCOME YOU INTO MY DMS LMAO PLS MESSAGE ME I NEED MORE PEOPLE TO CRY WITH!!!

#avengers spoilers #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #endgame #have my classic word vomit long ass post after a marvel movie mess of a review lmaoo #long post

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nex7things · 6 years

Text

kisses w → nex7 !

zhu zhengting

i feel like he’d be an impulsive kisser

he’ll just do it when he feels like it

not that you’re complaining

but even on your worst days & he doesn’t know how to cheer you up,

he just kisses you for a bit & hopes you feel better

when you feel sad / tired he won’t tell you to “go sleep it off”

he’s gonna kiss you

just really likes kissing you from your forehead to your eyes to your nose to your lips

a tease

loves it when you whine

loves to especially let his lips linger longer between each breath

knows you can’t get enough

really good w the foreplay but you never seem to get pass that stage hMm

maybe bc it’s the only part he’s good at

bi wenjun

another tease

especially because he’s tall

never lets you kiss him first

he just refuses to duck his head down for you to kiss him

so you have to catch him off guard when he’s reading or sitting down in general

i think kissing him would be full of giggles because he can’t control himself,

he’ll just love the way your hand tangles in his hair

the way your hands never leave him

he’ll end up chuckling in between kisses because he loves you it so much

it takes a while before you actually get him going & suddenly he’s not laughing anymore

idk if he would be rough but he’ll definitely be a dom

change my mind

huang xinchun

akkdskf it would be so cute

he doesn’t come off as the type to be into super heated make up sessions idk

more like pecks all the time & occasionally lingering kisses

but never further than that unless you’re comfortable w it

would be the type to ask for permission to try anything bc he’s so well-mannered

but sometimes he forgets his courtesy in the heat of the moment if you catch my drift

kissing him would be so soft bc he’s so soft

you can feel his smile in the kiss & it sends tingles to your skin

ding zeren

ok we all know this boy always showing off his non existent kung fu wushu idk skills

& he’s always extra extra

i think that’ll be the case when kissing him too

he’ll be extra extra

i just imagined him somersaulting nonstop across the living room help

like he would suddenly yell hah! & lean in to kiss you while you’re shocked

but sometimes he would be seriously kissing you

especially & only when the mood is right

like when you’re saying goodbye to him going on tour or when you two are gazing at stars at night

kisses in those moments last a little longer

his hand would rest at the back of your neck & would kiss you to no end

he would take his time w you

fan chengcheng

i feel like his kisses would come when you’re mad at him

like when he tried to pull a prank on you & you scream at him

he’ll just laugh the harmless prank off & kinda hold your face in his hand

idk how to describe it

before he leans now & gives you a peck on the cheek & then another on the mouth

& you just kinda freeze there because you’re so confused

& suddenly you’re not mad anymore

kisses would be mostly pecks bc he’s a shy bean & is too scared to ask to go further

li quanzhe

another shy bean

he kisses you only when you ask for it

on other occasions, he doesn’t until you bring it up

but he catches on kinda quick so you don’t have to explicitly ask you to kiss him

you just point to your lips & he delivers

it would start of as a peck & he would just pull away after that

unless you go back & kiss him more

it would mostly end of as just a peck too w a few longer ones in between

maybe like 4 seconds longer idk bc he’s a baby

justin huang

this here is not a baby i dont care what everyone says

this here is a level zhu zhengting except pg13

he would just peck you on the lips & then run off at the most random times,

like when you’re doing your homework or eating

he’s not afraid or shy to kiss you

he makes sure you know he likes kissing you

every time you’re alone he’ll sneak in a peck here & there & leave you even more confused than the last time

he’s pg13 in the sense that he doesn’t go further than those 4 seconds per breath kisses

but those 4 seconds are still v powerful

i feel like he would add the mUah! when he pulls away idk why i just ,,,

#gif makers do u hear me #huang xinchun #li quanzhe #ding zeren #bi wenjun #pleeeease #zhu zhengting #fan chengcheng #huang minghao #justin huang #nex7 #nex7 imagines #nex7 reactions #yuehua #idol producer #nine percent #nine percent imagines

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konicichan-blog · 6 years

Text

5am thoughts: theory: Story Of Light

is it called the Story of Light because its Shinee telling us and the whole entire world that they will no longer grief in sadness and that they've moved on and accepted what has happened? I'm sure we all know Shinee may still be sad (and maybe more than that) but what if this whole album is telling us that shinee, that all the members, Minho, Onew, Key, and Taemin are ready to have a new beginning? Like, they're ready to let all the sadness go and accept what has happened and that they will continue to work and grow.

What if You&I was about them talking about Jonghyun? Like, what if this song is about them trying to talk to Jonghyun? And theyre all trying to tell him that its hard when he's gone like they dont know what to do. "I’m the only one hurting, I may look fine I’m not easy, my feelings aren’t for decoration" And like they're all reminiscing their memories with him. All those good times that they're not ready to let go of. "A handful of memories, I laugh and remember every day" (okay the lyrics arent in order but JJJJust lemme finish and fyi, its gonna be a lOoong one). "There are countless stars in my heart, there’s one star that shines painfully I don’t want to grab it but I don’t want it to go out" okay in this part i think they maybe talking about Jonghyun. Maybe the stars represent people and "theres one star that shines painfully" might be Jonghyun. A star... someone really special to them... is hurting deep inside. Maybe Shinee is trying to tell us that although a celebrity or ANY person in general who may seem happy in front of the cameras or may seem happy in the outside in general is actually in deep pain inside. Dealing with self doubt, depression and all that and we just dont know :( "The things I can’t throw away make me smile" this is kinda self explanatory. Jonghyun, someone they love, someone they deeply cherish, someone they can't simply just let go of, someone who can always make them smile. You know? "I know that you’re being honest when you wish me well I’ll let you go easy, don’t think that you’re stepping on me" this is kinda hard to explain haha ahm.. maybe as time passes by, Jonghyun's absence is telling them to let go and move on and maybe they're mad with what he did? I DONT KNOW I DONT MEAN IT LIKE THAT! like mad, like?? how do i explain?? like maybe frustrated?? thats the best word i can think of right now riwjkrs they're frustrated but theyre not gonna blame it on him. like the good friends and brothers they are they will let it go easily.. UGH do i make sense? anyway. "I’ve let myself go to the wind and the rain that’s falling cooly But my feelings aren’t for decoration" okay so this is the part theyve told themselves that they really need yo accept what has happened. and maybe "my feelings arent for decoration" means that whatever they are feeling and whatever they are going through shouldnt be joked about in social media since its a serious matter and well ive seen some haters and some "new kpop fans" talk shit about this issue and honestly 😤 it makes me want to slap a bitch

Anyway

next song > UNDERCOVER

so the lyrics:

"I’m paddling my feet as busily underneath the surface with a calm expression on my face, You don’t know"

have u seen swans? how they paddle their legs under the water to move but above the water they seem so calm? like ballerinas, how their arms and body are always so graceful but their legs do all the work and stuff ¿¿?? okay im comparing the lyrics to swans and ballerinas because what if the boys are trying to tell us Jonghyun's situation and maybe also their's and other people who is suffering the same way? We don't always know what happens when we turn around. We don't always know when they're hurting. It's actually pretty easy to lie and fake a smile now a days so we always have to be careful with our loved ones. we dont always know what they're dealing with and one wrong move can cause a bomb to explode.

"Before the curtains rise, I’m always busy but when I’m standing before you I’m Acting cool"

Maybe theyre telling us that behind the scenes, theyre also suffering with personal or family issues. like every other person, celebrities have problems that they deal with too. they also have feelings. maybe on stage theyre smiling and having so much fun but backstage, theyre suffering? they cant breathe, they're overworked, theyre tired. sometimes they're forced to do things. Honestly for me, the kpop industry is so pressuring. you have to be this or that and if you cant you get criticized for it.

"I can’t let you know the things that are secretly happening now, now is not the time. I wait for the right moment, so that when you’ve realized it it’s too late."

Obviously most idols worry about their fans. Theyre worried when theyre fans are worried. its like a family thing we idol and fans have for each other yknow and maybe thats why sometimes they cant always speak up about whats really going on inside their mind. They cant always talk about it to the public bc sometimes people are so rude and so insensitive and leave comments like, "youre not depressed! youre just overthinking" bullshit, barbara. "you just need to hang out more" hMMmM :// ANYWAY thats why they dont really speak up alot. sometimes they cant even go to a psychiatrist privately because the media is always watching and once its on display, BOOm haters here and there talking bs and obviously WE wouldnt realize unless its TOO LATE!

"Like a black shadow is absorbed into the night, the night I dig deep beyond the consciousness, inside of you I’m Undercover"

I dont know how to begin with this.. its like once theyve hit rock bottom and they feel like nothing is gonna get better amd everything is just dark and gloomy. Maybe this is like the moving on part?? like the beginning of moving on. the depressive episode. And at first theyre just trying to hide everything. Just being undercover.

WAIT OMG OKAY SO MAYBE UNDERCOVER BEFORE YOU&I

so they got depressed over what happened and theyre trying to hide from everybody that theyre okay but theyre not and theyre just undercover. in you&i thats when they start reminiscing about jonghyun and talking to him. telling him they miss him and that for him, they're ready to accept and let go.

OKOK SO THE NEXT SONGS ARE WHEN THEY START BEING POSITIVE AGAIN !! YES GO SHINEE !! OUR STRONG KINGS !!!

so i dont really know the sequence i mean its already fucked up in the beginning so lets just go with whatever !!!

So in GOODEVENING!

"The cozy darkness is lingering far away"

so the 'darkness' or those gloomy days and toxic vibes theyve been surrounding themselves has been slwoly disappearing. they're starting to feel a little better again. <3

"At the tip of the sunset that hangs on the buildings I think of you"

i cant explain this one and note: i havent slept and its 6am but im still trying to make this work. but i think fjksjfks ok sunsets means like the day is "ending" and like before the day ends, they remember their sufferings while they were depressed and all those sad times with Jonghyun, like those times of grief.. they remember it all before starting a new day ¿¿ I DONT KNOW im trying my best to explain it. Its like theyre finally accepting what has happened and is ready to start a new happy day

"Spill out the darkness

Open the night

I wanna see you more, right now, oh"

So the sunsets and the night has come and theyve already accepted whats happend but they want to see Jonghyun in a different light. They want to see their bestfriend and brother as someone who was happy and made others happy. They want to remember Jonghyun as someone who made his parents and everyone around him proud.

"The moonlight is rising

I’m going to you before it’s too late

I’m going to get you

Imagining how surprised you’ll be, I’m going to you

Going to you

Without a reason, going to you"

okay this part is like giving someone a hug before they leave for their flight. Like even when hes gone hes not alone and shinee is not alone. like theyre always together. theyll always be together. "imagining how surprised you will be" nrkanfks im thinkg on how to write thus part wo sounding sarcastic. knowing what jonghyun has been through, he might have thought that he was and always will be alone... but the members are there to guide him in his travel to heaven with their prayers and theyre all hoping to surprise him ¿¿ AAAA im sorry if this sounds sarcastic or offensive i REALLY didnt mean it to be that way >·<

literally,for me anway, the whole song is about how theyll always be there for each other. even when the other is far away, it will never stop them from what they are doing. and thats why i love Shinee so much💓

In jump im not gonna add a lot of lyrics since im getting lazier. (lmao you can see my effort fading from you&i until here)

in Jump the song is about them trying to put their pieces together again. They've been broken and torn apart but they're ready to pick theirselves up again.

"I shake my head, brush it off and adjust my heart

I solidly protect my space again"

no one can recover quickly so i guess in this part, they're trying to take things slow. not too fast or anything or else they might make a wrong move and fall back to square one.

"Keep on enduring it

Just close my eyes when it feels futile for no reason"

in this part, theyre still not that strong enough so theyre telling themselves that they should just endure the pain or sadness. if it feels impossible, just close your eyes, believe and trust in yourself. theyve made it this far, why should they quit now?

"Higher, rise higher, fly

There’s the ground beneath your feet

When I travel between the two

Oh yes I feel the freedom

I jump on you, jump on you"

when they finally overcome the fear and sadness and EVERYTHING! they feel the weight lift from their shoulders and finally they feel freedom. overjoyed, they celebrate by jumping¿¿ i guess?? lmAO

"I’m not falling

I’m not wilting

It’s just changes

I turn different

And keep going forward"

this is when they realize that: nothing is going bad. everything is going just fine and everything is great. maybe they havent fully recovered yet but all those depression and pain is finally gone and theyre happy. They're different now and they realize they can finally keep moving forward without feeling to fall back down again.

"Why is that hard Why did I hesitate for such a long time Following my heart away From other people’s eyes I free the feet that were bound I let my imagination loose after a long time The wind is blowing Now I open my eyes and breathe in"

the first 2 lines is probably them asking themsleves, why didnt we do this earlier? they finally followed what their heart wanted instead of being trapped in their own mind and they finally can breathe again. they feel free and loose. they dont feel the heavy chains hanging on their shoulder anymore !

Now I can open my eyes and breathe in.

this is honestly a HUGE step for them. and im so proud?? ugh..

last song: All Day All Night

"All the moments I met you were highlight I don’t regret it, it’s just beautiful"

Theyre remembering Jonghyun more with their happy memories. How his existence highlighted mostly everything in their past. Jonghyun was such a big part of their lives and even if he was gone, they were still happy that he was able to be part of their lives and they were thankful to be a part of his.

"I start to see the world differently Yeah it’s all for you Time starts to emit a light Yeah it’s all for you Our very painful tears The joy that fills ourh hearts All for you, all for you, all for you"

Theyre doing all these wonderful things all for Jonghyun and maybe also for us too and for themselves. "Time starts to emit light" its pretty self explanatory. theyre beginning to see things in a positive way again !! So all of this, this is all for Jonghyun.

"Leave it alone, hold me and my painful scars All of it is the control"

theyre telling us to maybe accept it and move on too. To move on with them. We're all in this together and everything is in control.

So YAAS thats my theory or whatever you call it for SHINEEs album. I really do think the message hidden behind this album is deep and amazing and VERY important. I'm glad SHINEE is able to see things in a new light. Let's just keep loving and supporting them, okay??! So that's it.

The Story Of Light.

The End.

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fossadeileonixv · 6 years

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FDL Season Preview

It’s go time babies.

First and foremost, If you have not submitted your picks for the kit contest, DO SO HERE. I will repeat this at the end too. Some of y’all still need that push!

Anywhoo...

The season is now upon us. We’re gonna skip the game preview this week for a few reasons (all completely on me) and run with the season preview. For this, I’ve reached out to Mike and Av for their insights on the upcoming campaign and all three of us have given some input on the mercato and our expectations from the upcoming season. So let’s get to it.

What was the biggest signing of the mercato?

Mike: The biggest one going into the year is easily Higuain. We haven't had stone cold killer up front like him since Ibra left in. That's not hyperbole, that's the truth. Having a striker with kind of ability and history is like a nice warm blanket on a cold night. He has scored against the biggest and best teams on the boot and should continue to do so. Hopefully having him on the team gives us a confidence we just didn't have last year.

Av: Pipita! Pipita! Pipita! I can’t get across just how excited I am about having this guy here. Due in part to the fact that his transfer was triggered by the C-Ron arrival at Juve and overshadowed somewhat by the LeoDini Show at Milan, I genuinely don’t think Milanista have had the chance to drink in the significance of this move. During the mercato I was developing a stomach ulcer whilst we were shopping for strikers as it looked equally likely that we might sign Morata (barf!) or Falcao (double barf!), but instead we signed the premier striker of Serie A! Pure Win Baby!

After a string of pure "meh" involving Matri, Menez, Destro, Torres, Adriano, K*****c and Silva we finally have an out and out striker for the first time since Ibra left. When you recall how impotent we looked in some games last season I think a very large part of our success this year will hang on how well Pipita does and the idea of him being shadowed by Poaching Patrick has me dreaming! I genuinely think Pipita will play a significant role in our march to the CL places this year. I'm hoping that guys like Hakan and Castillejo can play their part to give Higuain a platform to work from and he'll do the rest. I think if Pipita starts to bang them in he will help galvanise the team with a mentality that they can win. I honestly think he will give us the exact same boost that CRon is giving Juve if not more and that belief is going to be crucial for us this season, mark my words!

TR: Pipita without a doubt. Like Mike and Av said, we haven’t had a striker, or really a player, of his caliber since Zlatan. I’m going to go a little further than Av and say that there is probably no other player who’s performance will have a greater impact on whether or not we qualify for the Champions League. That is the upgrade we absolutely needed in the position that arguably needed it the most.

2) What is your biggest concern going into the season?

Mike: Last year Gattuso fell in love with a certain XI which was fine for about 8 weeks but then he, and the congested schedule drove us into the ground. We tried battling on 3 fronts while playing the same XI almost every game. Total madness. Suso and Jack were total zombies late. Biglia got hurt. Donnarumma looked exhausted. Part of that was Gattuso coming on board midyear, and I understand that. He has to be willing and able to rotate more and he's definitely equipped with the players to do that this season. We have have a lot of players that can play multiple spots in multiple formations. Let's see how he puts the pieces together.

Av: Have we finally got rid of our "Misfield"? My gut says maybe not. Baka, to me anyway, is a Kessie clone which is fair enough if it reduces our over reliance on Frank but I really wished we had landed someone like SMS. Yes, he was a dream ticket purchase that was never likely but you have to admit that having SMS flanked by Frank the Tank woulda been hella sweet. As it is, I feel our biggest deficiency is the mid unless the new additions are a class above what we had last season and only time will tell. We have guys like Borini & Biglia but we need some midfield brains to go with the brawn and still think we are lacking that outside Hakan. My other issue is that we seem to have only two genuine strikers? I dont want to jinx anything ......but you know....injuries!?!?

TR: An injury to Biglia or Higuain. For all the hard work Leodini did this season, they were unable to address the depth, or dearth of, particularly in the midfield. And to be honest, that’s not fault of their own. We’ve seen how building teams overnight perform, and they put together the puzzle pieces they had in a way that creates something recognizable. However, while injuries to Franck and Jack can be mitigated with Baka and Laxalt, a Biglia injury or one to Pipita and we face a rather dramatic dropoff in quality in relation to their backups. Unless you switch formations, you would have Montolivo pulling the strings in midfield or Patrick, my dear sweet baby Patrick, leading a line for an extended period of time. Not a death knell, but one that instantly jeopardizes CL contention.

3) Conversely, what gives you most hope.

Mike: I'm an eternal optimist so I can find a way for everything to give me hope, even Suso. What gives me the most hope is our combination of youth AND experience. What i mean is our young guys have played and played a lot. R13 is 23 but has already played 171 games. Donnarumma 19/135. Caldara 24/126 Calabria 21/52. We are young AND have a lot of game time under our belts. That's huge going forward. All that youth with vets like Higuain up top, Biglia in the middle and a backup like Reina? That's a nice mix.

Avia: Elliott Management. Crazy, I know, but their clean sweep of the previous administration and the introduction of Leodini was a master stroke. It now feels like we have people in charge who remember what Milan were all about and not naval gazers who made a nostalgia based purchase. It feels like we have taken a genuine step towards the Milan we all know and love. If they land Gazidis then colour me happy, we have Leodini taking care of the football side of things and someone like Gazidis coming from the EPL to help boost our off field business acumen. Milan.... the footballing fraternity welcomes you back from your self imposed exile.

TR: Agreeing with Av here, it has got to be the management. Elliot, as evil as they are, are astute businessmen so I take both solace and self-hatred knowing that they’re the ones overseeing this thing. The financial side of the club is out of the hands of old buffoons and con artist thrill-seekers. On the technical and sporting side, they’re making all the right moves. Maldini’s return can’t be overstated and I truly trust Leonardo to work alongside him building a project. Both sides seem to be on the same page and for the first time in a long time, I’m truly excited and hopeful to be a Milan fan.

4) What or who you think will surprise us?

Mike: I think Laxalt will be the signing of the year for us. I've loved the guy for a while now and can't wait to see him in our colors. He can play both LB and LM an provide some spicy sauce on that left side that we haven't seen in quite some time. His play and runs behind guys like Hakan, Jack and Castillejo should be fun to watch.

Av: Laxalt. Had a pretty good world cup and hope that he comes alive and helps boss our "Misfield". Got my fingers crossed for him, will be great to see some damned speed in the midfield and see how well he can work with RRod. Maybe its his hair but he kinda reminds me of a very young Edgar Davids.

TR: Baka. If Leodini saw enough in him to take a flyer (or maybe flier) on him, then I trust their judgement. His CL performances for Monaco are still very fresh in my head and I think the slower pace of Serie A may draw that player out once more. How he fits in is something I still can’t call, but I have high expectations for him. Much like you do at the beginning of a relationship when you first see only the best of someone and misread their potential as unlimited so you accidentally say ‘I love you, Timoue’ way too early on and while he may not feel the same, he says it too because he thinks that he might fulfill those words some day. But that day never comes, with the ash from that damning phrase’s impact with your small, vulnerable planet, still lingering high in the sky, refusing to settle and slowly impairing the life on this once fecund planet from regenerating, with only the most stubborn, prickly, and aesthetically uncompromising life forms surviving.

Anyways, I’m fine.

5) Ummm, moving on. What or who you think will disappoint us?

Mike: I probably shouldn't answer this question. I'm not sure about disappointment... but I am worried about how the CB pairing goes. Working out a new pairing always takes time. Folks are gonna have to be patient and there's gonna be speed bumps the first few months.

Av: Donna. Due in part to his a-hole agent, i just know that at some point during this season his performances will make me wish we had shipped him to land SMS. With Reina in place I think Donna is more than just surplus. This will no doubt elicit a groan from most but I'm praying Rino doesnt let us down! The squad is pretty solid apart from the reservations I harbour about our midfield so it will be interesting to see how Rino goes about business this time. Wide down the wings or narrow through the middle?

TR: I’ll be that guy. Rino scares the hell out of me. He’s my favorite Milan player of all time, so I assure you this isn’t something personal, but I’m not entirely convinced as of yet. That winter run was magic, but there were a few distressing decisions and performances when we came back down to earth, so my worry is even more-so now with the expectations ramped up, that he is in over his head. I trust Leodini and I definitely think he’ll benefit from his relationship with them, but I think more than any other factor, Rino is going to make or break out chances at a top four finish.

6) Make a bold prediction!

Mike: Higuain leads the league in goals. PERIOD. (League-wide, my bold prediction is that Ronaldo doesn't finish top 3 in scoring and SMS has a Belotti-esque fall from grace and Lazio finish out of Europe)

Av: Write this down or screenshot it kids ....#15in6! I think Higuain will finish Capocannoniere, help us secure a CL spot and then decide he wants to make his loan to Milan permanent! Buy your official shirts while you still can!

TR: Rino switches formations before the first international break. I think he’s slowly moving towards a 4-2-3-1 and expect to see that sooner rather than later.

7) What will satisfy you as a Milan fan this year? More precisely, what constitutes a successful year?

Mike: Champions League for next year. It's CL or bust. F the Coppa. F the Europa league.

Av: The ONLY thing that will make me happy is a finish in the CL spots. Anything less will have been futile. CL PLACES. ARE. A. MUST! Bearing in mind that Elliott are asset stripping hawks I don’t want to see what they have in store for us should we continue to finish outside the CL spots the next 2-3 seasons. Either we finish in the CL spots or Rino is gone at the end of the season.

TR: While I think it is fair that Mike and Av have concluded that missing out on the CL is a failure, I personally don’t see the season as a waste if we finish 5th. Finishing below fifth is indeed a failure in my eyes, but I think if we see growth, whether it be a deep Europa run, a more dynamic attack, consistent performances, not dropping five points against newly promoted sides, and so on ad so forth, that that in itself is enough for me. Maybe I’m setting my expectations too low, but when was the last time you saw something connecting two consecutive seasons? When was the last time we built off something the season prior? We have team capable of finishing fourth, but in many respects, last year was 0 and this year is year 1.

7) That was great guys. Especially TR’s responses. Outstanding work. So let’s wrap it up. Who finishes top 6?

Mike: Juve, Napoli, Milan, Roma, Inter, Fiorentina

Av: Juve, Napoli, Inter, Milan, Roma, Nazio

TR: Juve, Napoli, Inter, Roma, Milan, Atalanta

Sowwy! I hope I’m wrong!

Aiight kids, that wraps it up. 14:30 EST tomorrow and hit us with da feedback

Again, make your kit contest picks here!

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lovethefinalseason-blog · 7 years

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PL 7B, Ep 7: Driving Miss Crazy

Only four episodes left forever and after this there will only be three until we finally found out who uber A AKA AD is. The writers are certainly throwing a lot of red herring suspects at us. Obviously whoever is AD needs to be a tech genius, have a ton of connections, hold a grudge against the liars and want revenge for Charlotte (Cece/Charle)’s murder. Of course, we still don’t know who actually murdered Charlotte and the topic isn’t broached much on the show. I’m starting to wonder if we will ever find out or if the AD revelation will even make sense. Let’s be honest, we all know it won’t. Literally nothing makes sense on this show. The most obvious candidates for AD are Caleb and Mona - both incredibly smart and tech savvy but unless one of them turns out to be yet another illegitimate child of Mr. Hastings, I don’t see any real motive. Then there’s the Spencer has a twin theory. It was plausible a few weeks ago when she mysteriously met with Wren at the airport (and I do really hope Wren makes another appearance in the last 3 episodes, I’ve long held a Wren is A theory), but I’ve not seen any evidence of evil twin Spencer in the last two weeks. This week’s episode offers no new clues but it did give me one genuine shock moment and a very cute engagement story. So let’s get on with it then!

Aria has finally decided to take those salsa lessons with Ezra - side note, normally Aria’s fashion sense borders on ‘maybe you belonged in Radley’ but tonight her outfits are all very cute, especially her bright pink salsa sandals. After class, Ezra is annoyed because he keeps getting texts from his brother Wesley - remember Wesley! Ezra’s younger brother who was very adorable and age appropriate for Aria. They kissed once but then decided it wasn’t right. True to form, Ezra’s mom doesnt like Wesley’s new girlfriend and doesn’t want her to come to the wedding. Aria feigns interest in the story and sees that she received a text from AD. Ezra is oblivious to AD and thinks she’s just worried about the wedding. He tells her he’ll take care of it and leaves. When he’s gone, Aria opens up the facetime with Paria who’s still threatening her with the mystery file. Paria tells her to deliver a gift to Spencer and her family. Aria says no, she doesn’t want to hurt her friends anymore to which Paria responds “does the groom know you once referred to him as a ‘twisted conniving predator’ and that you wanted the police to charge him.” Aria says that was 6 years ago and Paria laughs and says luckily for me there’s no statute of limitations on this. Actually fact check - there is. In Pennsylvania victims under the age of 18 who were born before August 27, 2002 have 12 years after their 18th birthday to file criminal charges. So they are still within the statue of limitations and it literally took me 5 minutes to google that. You could’ve done the same PLL writers.

Marco shows up to Hanna’s apartment to talk to her about the flooding at the Radley hotel. A witness saw her and Caleb there that night. Caleb says of course they saw me, I live there. Hanna stupidly tells the cop that Caleb helped her mom upgrade the security system in exchange for a room at the Radley.

Spencer is helping her parents pack up their stuff for the move (remember Spencer’s mom got elected as a state senator so they are selling the house and moving to Harrisburg). Emily is there and mentions that Ali is off visiting her brother Jason in NY. This makes sense considering that 3 parental figures show up in tonight’s episode, so they probably couldn’t afford to also have the 5th liar. In one of the boxes marked “trash”, Spencer finds a a blanket from Radley Sanitarium. Her and Emily think it’s the blanket she was brought home in. Before we can get sentimental (and wonder how Spencer didn’t find this blanket sooner), Hanna texts saying “need to play the game.”

Hanna is freaking out about any other evidence that Marco might’ve found - especially the shovels they used to bury Archer Dunhill. She insists they have to play the game. The liars remind her that it doesn’t work like that, you need to be chosen, and then Hanna looks at Aria and asks why she hasn’t had a turn yet and Aria is like umm...i dont know. Just then, Mona walks in and it’s Spencer’s turn to freak out, wondering what the F she is doing there while trying to hide the game from her. Hanna finally tells them that she already told Mona about the game. They need Mona’s help because she’s smart (duh). Mona has a short list of AD suspects - “starting with Jenna Marshall and ending with Mary Drake.” Apparently Mona also helped replace the windshield on Hanna’s car after they killed Archer Dunhill making her an accessory. This begs the question - why isn’t Mona a piece on the game? She was part of the original dollhouse kidnapping. She also hated Charlotte and had every motive to kill her. This could indicate that she is AD - makes sense but feels too much like another Lucas-esque red herring. It could also be that whoever is AD knows the four of them killed Archer but doesn’t know about Mona’s involvement. Or AD knows that leaving Mona out is torture for her because all she’s ever wanted was to be included in the group.

Anyway, back at the Radley where Caleb apparently lives, he runs into Hanna’s mom Ashely with a new lob haircut. She’s tells Caleb she is concerned and wants to talk to him in private. She’s been in a meeting with the Rosewood police about her burst pipes and she’s wondering if he really had anything to do with it and if it’s because he’s protecting Hanna. Caleb looks Ashley in the eye and tells her that Hanna is not in trouble. Again, this also brings up some “could he be A feelings”. Caleb is very good at lying, he didn’t even flinch when he just lied straight to Ashley’s face. He’s also a tech genius and what do we really know about him except that he once lived in the ceiling of Rosewood High School. Again, I think this is a red herring and while I think it would be pretty awesome, it would seriously piss off a slew of Haleb fans.

Back at Spencer’s parents house, Aria shows up with two bags of food. Spencer is mad about Mona. While she packs and bitches to Aria about it, Aria takes out a burner smart phone and connects it to the Hastings bluetooth. She then drops the phone into one of moving boxes, then says she really needs to get back to wedding planning with Ezra and leaves. Literally a minute after she leaves a phone call between Mr. Hastings and Mary starts blasting in the room where Spencer is packing. It’s Mr. Hastings yelling at Mary for burying Jessica in his backyard and Mary saying “I didn’t have a choice, if it wasn’t Jessica, it would’ve been me six feet under.” Mr. Hastings runs in and freaks out trying to find out where it’s coming from. He finds a speaker then runs outside to find Mary. The recording doesn’t stop though and Mrs. Hastings also runs into the room looking disgusted at what she’s hearing. When Mr. Hastings come back in, she asks who recorded that conversation and he says “how should i know it was 100 years ago!” to which Spencer corrects him and says 6. Mrs. Hastings immediately picks up the phone to call the police but her husband says no and Spencer agrees. While Mr. Hastings definitely looks guilty, Spencer is just afraid that Marco will show up.

Mona is over at Emison’s inspecting the the board game. Mona tells Emily that she knows who paid for the procedure to get Ali pregnant. Instead of telling Emily, she says she has an appt with the dr. the next morning at 11 where she will pretend to be Emily’s girlfriend. If I was Emily I’d be like

At the brew, Hanna and Caleb are talking - she is worried her mom is going to know they are lying. Ezra comes over with some coffees for them - hey remember when Ezra bought the brew? Yea he still owns it somehow. Ezra, oblivious to the board game and everything happening around him, complains to Caleb and Hanna that his family is ruining is wedding. He just wants a private ceremony for two. Just then Aria walks in and a super happy Ezra asks her to stay for dinner but she says she’s not hungry and goes upstairs to their apartment (yes they live above the Brew).

The next morning, Emily and Mona show up for their doctor’s appointment, talking about their fake artificial insemination. Emily acts weird when the doctor asks the question “have you ever been pregnant before.” Mona tells the doctor that they were referred by another patient of his, Alison Dilaurentis and the doctor immediately tells them he can’t help them and they need to find another doctor. When they leave Emily tells Mona she thinks this was a stupid idea. Mona tells her that some ideas take longer to execute, then takes out a “fertility now” magazine she stole that has the doctor’s personal address on it.

Spencer finally finds the burner phone that Aria planted and looks like she might finally be putting some puzzle pieces together..

I think she finally figures it out because she calls Aria and tells her that there’s a burner phone in the box that is ruining her family. Aria acts innocent asking her how it got there and Spencer says she doesn’t know but she needs to her mom about the game. Aria tells her no, Mona might still figure out who’s running the game. Ezra comes in and she hangs up on Spencer fast. Ezra finally asks if she’s ok and then tries to change her mood by playing a song for their first dance. She doesnt have a good reaction to it, and Ezra thinks that she has reservations about the wedding. Ezra says he knows there are things that he’s done that cant be undone and can’t be forgiven. He thinks she still has doubts about whether she can trust him and that there’s a part of her that can’t forgive him for taking advantage of her and her friends for the sake of a book (OR FOR BEING A PEDOPHILE) She says nothing, just gives him a hug.

As Spencer leaves her parents’ house, she sees a car lingering with it’s lights on out front. It’s Marco. She asks “when did we go from dating to stalking” and he says that he’s there to do another followup interview. Marco says Ashley told him about her and Caleb’s past relationship and asks her if her interest in him has anything to do with her suddenly needing a cop in her corner. She looks at him and says “if you have anything to say it can be in your office, under flourescent lights and i promise it will not be me who’s embarrassed.” He gets back in her car and she watches him drive off before getting into her own car. Before she can start the ignition, Mary pops up from the backseat, covers her mouth and says “drive.”

Mary brings her to the Lost Woods Resort, the creepiest hotel that I’m surprised the cops still haven’t found. Mary says it’s sad that Spencer is afraid of her. I mean, popping up in the backseat of someone’s car would make anyone afraid of you. Mary tells her that she didn’t plant the phone in her house but she heard the recording while she was waiting outside. She thinks the hospital probably recorded it as they recorded a lot of her phone calls. Mary looks at Spencer and says, you’d be surprised at the things you’d have to do to protect yourself. Suddenly we’re treated to the most awkward flashback transition. It’s 6 years ago and Mr. Hastings is letting Mary into the Hastings’ residence, he tells her “take a good look because this is the last time you’ll ever be allowed in here. You’ll never see Spencer again.” As they are arguing, Jessica walks in and says “I thought we were taking care of this.” Apparently Mr. Hastings and Jessica planned to murder Mary but Mary got the best of them and gave the medications meant for her to Jessica instead. They were identical twins so they had the same medical problems (I guess some sort of faulty drugs mixed with a heart condition killed Jessica). She’s tells Spencer that she’s been cheated out of so much, most of all knowing her then asks if she’d consider staying with her.

I forgot to mention that Hanna went back to a cabin in the woods where the liars apparently stole the shovels they used to bury Archer Dunhill. A security guard catches her and she tells him she needs a shovel to dig her car tire out. He tells her that all the shovels were taken. A few scenes later Hanna comes back to her apartment freaking out to Caleb about the missing shovels. As she’s yelling her mom comes out and says “hello stranger”. Apparently the rooms in this apartment must be soundproof because she didn’t hear anything Hanna just yelled about being wanted for murder. Ashley asks Hanna if Emily is still living there and Hanna tells her that she moved in with Alison. Her mom looks at the two of them and asks if they are moving in together then. Caleb tells her the situation isn’t permanent. Ashley then looks directly at Caleb and says “I know you’re back in Hanna’s life, I just want to know why.” Keep in mind, Hanna is standing right there and she’s like um, hello mom, I can hear you. Caleb says he’s here because he needed Hanna’s help, he needed to figure things out, like how he felt about her. He says she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He cant imagine his life without her and he doesn’t want to. Ashley is like...what are you saying? And Caleb says “I want to marry your daughter Mrs. Marin. No bells and whistles, just the two of us exchanging vows, finally making it official.” Hanna smiles and Ashely with literally no excitement on her face possibly due to too much botox finally says..well, we now have something to toast!

When we get back from a series of seriously annoying Iliza Schlesinger commercials we are treated to the worst scene that’s ever happened on pretty little liars to date. And that scene is Aria’s black and white musical dream of herself in a toilet paper wedding gown in prison watching Ezra get beat up by other dancing inmates while Mona sings jailhouse rock. No, I was not on shrooms while watching this, this is a real scene that really happened. It’s also a full three minutes long and ends with Mrs. Hastings looking at Aria and saying “I wouldnt piss on you if you were on fire”.

When she finally wakes up, she’s on the couch with a sleeping Ezra. Her phone vibrates - “You’ve waited long enough your reward is downstairs at the brew - AD”. She then goes downstairs to the brew, begging the question if they jointly own this coffee shop, how is it still open while they sleep on the couch upstairs. Who’s running it right now? Aria not so secrelty starts looking under things and in books and baskets around the coffee shop. She finally spots a piece of paper under a table leg and picks it up. It’s an envelope marked “Aria” and inside is a puzzle piece with a note - “Connect this, you’re almost there” As she’s looking at the piece, she feels someone watching her looks up and sees Mona staring at her.

Earlier that day Mona and Emily went back to the doctor’s. Using his home address, Mona somehow found out that he got cash to pay off a medical school bill loan overnight. They demand to know who paid him. He doesnt have names because it was all handled electronically but he does have a donor’s ID number. Mona accepts that because of course she’ll be able to figure out who it is.

When Spencer finally gets back to her barn, her parents are there looking at the letter from Mary. Mr. Hastings is pissed and says that it’s all a manipulative ploy. He yells that he was protecting the family from a deranged sociopath who was trying to ruin their lives and he would do it again. He then looks at Spencer and says “If someone continually threatens you Spencer, I don’t think you would do any different.” It’s almost like they forgot that someone used to stalk their kid AND KIDNAPPED HER. After he leaves, her mom picks up the letter and hands it back to her. She then tells her to start unpacking boxes because they aren’t going to Harrisburg, shes forfeiting her senate seat. She can’t risk having her husband’s attempted murder in her past. Spencer tells her that Mary didn’t bring the recording into the house and her mom says really, who did? Spencer looks like she’s about to say something - will she tell her mom about the game? That the stalking is happening again? Unfortunately, we won’t find out this week.

Hanna is frantically walking through the woods with a flashlight and stumbles on a tent. When she opens it, Caleb is inside and she asks why he wanted her to come here. When he dropped her mom at the hotel he decided it was better to be off the grid because her staff looked suspicious of him. Hanna asks if his proposal was real or was he just trying to throw her mom off the scent. He says he would marry her right this second if they could find a bear who was licensed. Hanna takes out wine and cigars from her bag. She slips the paper ring off one of the cigars and slips it on his finger. He does the same to her with the second cigar. They then start making out and the camera pans away to lots of clothes coming off, much like the first time they had sex.

Back at Emison’s we are supposed to be scared of a hooded figure hovering over the board game, but it’s just Aria of course connecting the next puzzle piece. As she does the phone lights up “Congrats your grand prize is behind you.” She turns around and finds her never filed police report in a vase on the shelf.

Emily, super pumped from besting the doctor earlier, gives Mona the phone Spencer found in her house. She asks Mona to find out whatever she can from it. As they get to the door of Mona’s apartment, Emily tries to come in to show her something and Mona brushes her off, saying they still have tomorrow then quickly goes into her apartment and locks a thousand locks and watches Emily leave through the peephole. I know we’re supposed to be suspicious of all the locks on her door but let me just say again, these girls were tortured and kidnapped. They should all be locking their doors and closing their blinds but none of them do, so obviously Mona really is the only smart one. Mona sits down at her desk, turns on her computer and starts typing. The camera pans out and we see a large evidence board with newspaper clippings, photographs, yarn, the works and in the corner - the four missing shovels.

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