#I just want a bff for life who i am also madly in love with is that too much to ask.

[dizzybevvie]

UGHHHHHHHH SUNSET BIRD. <333333333333333333

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

pleeease tell me more about this drug dealer/sex worker/rich client au you're rotating in your mind. it sounds incredible

Ok so I project onto Ed and I'm a sex worker, so, that's where this AU is born from. It's not my only job I do it as a side hustle the way that people sell bottle cap earrings on Etsy, but that's not the energy I necessarily have for this au.

So basically Ed's an out and out hooker, a sleep with clients for your only job kinda hooker, been doing it since he was young. Started working the street and then through a series of being extra charismatic to the right people he started a rapport with some more prestigious ladies of the night and wealthier johns and became one of those fancy high end escorts. Jack is a drug dealer whose one of Ed's clients from back in the day and they're... friends? I guess. He's also over time worked his way up in that industry so he keeps being able to afford Ed's increasing rates and they hang out outside of fucking so Jack is getting the friends discount, the only reason he still has to pay is because they were escort and client before they were friends and Ed's not gonna tell him to stop paying him. Now, Stede is a very rich guy who is having a sexuality crisis and he deals with that by paying an escort (Ed) behind his wife's back, just to try it out. Ed is actually kind of sick of his job, but this isn't like a oh poor hooker who needs to be saved thing its just a "used to like doing this, not really having fun anymore, but what else am I gonna do? Other things also sound like they suck pretty bad and mostly I just want to retire." And then he meets Stede who is like truly so sweet to him (which in my experience a lot of clients are actually rather sweet) and they click really well and they continue seeing each other, but Ed's life and Stede's life are very different. Like Ed's got all these criminal connections and he uses drugs recreationally (but in a non addict way where you like do a little bit on the weekends at a party and then be done the next day because like 90% of why I would write this fic if I did is because every time hookers and drug users get portrayed they're always very self destructive and while I respect those people and know some of them that is simply not my experience of sex work or drug use) vs Stede who has up to this point been very straight laced, but is having the most dramatic midlife crisis imaginable. So what ends up happening is Ed accidentally enables Stede to go careening off the rails, because he was always gonna do that, if it wasn't with Ed it was gonna be with some other hooker and his opportunist drug dealer bff.

Now, I mentioned this fic in the tags on a post about Izzy. That said this is not an Izzy fic, this is a blackbonnet fic with Jack causing problems in a non antagonist way on the side where the end game is Stede gets a divorce and Ed gets to retire on Stede's dime and they fall madly in love and Stede gets better because he's no longer in a failing marriage or trying to lead a double life. However if I had to put Izzy in it Izzy would be an annoying client of Ed's who is transparently in love with him in a creepy way, but if I were to actually write the fic I'd be a thousand times more likely to include Frenchie, for example, than I would be to include Izzy, just because if I'm gonna make Ed semi well adjusted he needs at least one non Jack friend and Frenchie is your guy, when looking for an Ed bestie.

Like I certainly don't want to romanticize sex work or drug use but I do absolutely want to de-stigmatize it. Like all of 5 people would read this fic if I wrote and published it so it's not that serious but also sex work is truly just a job and it is possible for some people to use drugs without without becoming addicted. And you know these guys are murderers for their job in universe so I don't see why I can't have an au where they do way less sketchy crimes than that.

[alkaysani-archived]

The Old Guard Fanfic Master List

*updated* 15 Oct 2020

MAIN SERIES

AS OUR LOVE SHAPES OUR UNIVERSE  (Nicky x Joe - Princess Diaries AU)

to love is to sacrifice, to sacrifice is to love 

“Prince Yusuf Al-Kaysani,” Charlotte says, and she’s sighing dreamily again and Yusuf definitely has that effect on people. “That young man gets my vote,” Joseph says from behind him. “He goes by Joe sometimes, so he’s definitely of good stock,” he says, and Nicky snorts. “A brilliant one, amazing artist, charismatic. He’s dedicated himself as the right-hand and advisor to his queen mother, and has fully supported his younger sister taking the throne instead of him. He’s friends with Nicolo,” he says, and Nicky blinks, shrugging a little, and his heart starts to go wild in his chest in a way he doesn’t want to understand. “We spent two years of secondary together,” he whispers, glancing at Mia. “Uh…just before they passed, he had to move back home, and I…” he trails off, sighing. --- or the Princess Diaries II AU where Prince Nicolo will do anything for Genovia. And if that means introducing his cousin Princess Mia to Prince Yusuf Al-Kaysani to be her future king, then his heart just has to deal with it. He just wished that it didn’t hurt so much.

i will hold your heart together in mine 

“You love me now, right?” “Forever more, my darling,” Joe chokes out, and it takes on a whole new meaning that makes his own ache. “Then my heart will heal,” Nicolo says, and his voice is firm, and fierce, under the exhaustion. “The symptoms will fade, in time. They will,” he adds, his voice muffled against his shoulder. He pulls away and looks up at Joe with wide, glassy eyes. “The universe won’t be so cruel to me to take me away now, when I am finally happy, right?” he says, and Joe burst into tears then, shaking his head, grabbing Nicolo’s face and kissing him, deeply. No. No. He won’t think of it. He won’t think of losing Nicolo. Not again. Not like this. *** or where Prince Yusuf learns the physical extents of Nicolo’s heartbreak, months after they were meant to be fine. But regardless of how much it ails him, his beloved Nicolo continues to have faith that he will be alright. So he must brave through his fears and his worries, as they grow, and build a life and a family, together. Even if it breaks their hearts again. And again. And again.

black cats and lopsided hearts (Joe x Nicky) - 30 Oct 2020

“Permission to keep killing your fiancé with cuteness due to Halloween costumes, please?” Mia asks, and she’s giving Nicolo those eyes again, and this time, Nicolo bites his lip, glancing at Joe. “It might be fun, beloved. It’ll only be for a night,” he reasons, and Nicolo sighs then, nodding his head. “For you, heart.” *** or The Old Guard Princess Diaries AU – Halloween Special where Mia convinces Nicolo and Yusuf to let her dress up one and a half-year old twins Elio and Ayla for this very American holiday.

ONE-SHOTS & STAND-ALONES

JOE x NICKY

not that i need reminding 

“You look in love.” Joe blinks, looking up at the voice. There’s a woman, a little younger than Nile, or maybe just her age, sitting beside him on the bench now. She’s smiling at him, and he gives her what he hopes is an equal one, before nodding softly, gently tapping his pencil on his sketchbook. He knows the answer, of course he does. Yes. He is in love. Truly, madly, deeply, or however they say it. He knows all of this already. But he’s willing to play. “And how does that look?” --- or joe gets a vibe check from the universe.

to know those among us 

“Mommy, angel! Angel, mommy!” Nicky blinks, putting down the produce he had in his hand. He zeros in on the voice and a little boy staring up at him, jaw dropped and staring, his eyes wide and curious. Then he looks up to find a woman, blushing red, looking absolutely mortified. Even with her darker tone, the flush is clear, making her glow. She looks ready to run, so Nicky just gives her a smile, and then crouches in front of the child, before looking around, humming curiously. “Where, little one?” he asks, putting his hands over his eyes as he continues his search. “Where is the angel?” he asks, and the little boy giggles. It’s a beautiful sound amongst the low bustle of the early farmer’s market. --- or nicky gets mistaken for an angel by a child, so he tells them about real ones

in parts, i fall, i love

Joe needs to finish this portfolio if he wants something to propose to the showcase. And he does. He really does. But someone just sat at his table because the coffee shop is so busy, and their profile is gorgeous, and yep, he’s definitely trashed the outline again because this man is definitely going to be a part of it. “Is there something on my face?” he hears, and Joe pauses. Shit. Joe breathes out so heavily that his glasses fog up, and he looks up to find the man giving him a hint of a smile, tilting his head slightly to the side. “You’re staring,” the man states and honestly, yeah, Joe is. “I’m not.” Idiot. --- or joe is an artist, and he falls in love. and nicky is along for the ride.

with your hands, your whispers 

Come on love, that’s it.” “I can’t, Yusuf, please.” He’s gasping, breathless. His Yusuf always leaves him so breathless. It’s too much. And of course, Yusuf knows that it’s too much. He knows exactly what Nicky needs, and what makes him overflow, and it seems like his adoring heart wants him to spill over, again and again in every sense of the word. *** or a take on what nicolo and yusuf were doing before booker and andy got to the hotel in marrakesh

let’s right, these wrongs, together (see accompanying edit here)

If he concentrates hard enough, he can still smell Yusuf on the scarf, and it brings immediate tears to his eyes. Because it’s only been nearly a year, and he’s yearned for the man for longer, way before they got together. And even with all the odds, with all the numbers combined, Nicky doesn’t believe that there’ll be enough time that can pass to heal the pain that’s clawing on his chest at that moment. That has been since Yusuf said it was over.   Nile’s legs move from his lap, and suddenly there are arms around him, pulling him close and Nicky closes his eyes, pressing his face on Nile’s neck. “You’re allowed to hurt as long as you have to, Nicky,” Nile says to him, and it’s so, so kind. “You can tell me as much or as little as you can. I didn’t mean to push.” Nicky sniffles. “I still love him,” he croaks out, like it needed to be heard, like his desperation is a call out for his heart. His heart that let him go, that told him that it’s over. *** or the one where Nicky is housemates with Nile after Yusuf breaks up with him. And when he finally opens up about it, Nicky realizes that his current predicament was brought on by misunderstandings and good intentions with ill results. But it’s too late. It’s been nearly a year; it doesn’t matter now. Right? Not if your housemate is Nile Freeman.

hand-shaped bruise (see accompanying edit here)

Prince Nicolò spends most of his days alone. He lives with no one, after all, ever since his parents died. Ever since he was killed by Sr. Merrick and Lady Kozak, his screams ringing out throughout the night until his final breath, only to show up the next day at the farmer’s market. *** or my halloween take on our beloved characters.

BOOKER x COPLEY

when time dictates love 

"So not ugly,” Sebastien says, and Aidan looks at Mr. Copley, who just shrugs, smiling. “He is insufferable. Does he know this?” he says, and the man just smiles, both of them ignoring how Sebastien says ‘hey!’. “He does,” Mr. Copley whispers, and he says, and Sebastien’s fingers intertwine with his atop his knee, and Aidan looks away. “But you like him anyway,” he says instead. Mr. Copley chuckles, and he leans to press a kiss on Sebastien’s forehead, who’s no longer laughing. “Yes, but I like him anyway.” --- or a home-care worker witnesses Booker and Copley’s last year together, as time catches up on them

MULTIPLE RELATIONSHIPS

there is no timeline when it comes to this (Booker x Copley; Joe x Nicky - also featuring Joe & Booker bffs and Nicky really giving a damn about Booker)

“I’m happy for you, Yusuf,” Booker says, because he means it despite the ache, and Joe smiles, nodding, and he’s smiling in a way that makes his heart hurt even more. “We love you, Booker,” Joe says because he’s just that person, before driving off as Booker makes his way up to his apartment, steps feeling like lead. He makes the point to check the mail, and he’s not even sure why. He’s never checked mail before, Joe usually did. Booker pauses then, looking at the different ads he pulled out of the box after twisting the key. So many changes already. When he finally gets to his unit, he finds someone standing at the door. They turn when he pauses, and greets him with a smile. “Hello Booker,” James Copley says, giving him a two-finger salute. “You haven’t aged a day.” *** or where Booker’s best friend Yusuf moves out to be with his Nicolo, and he makes the choice to live alone for the first time in years. Booker tells himself he’ll be fine, tells everyone that he’ll be fine, even though the weight in his chest tells him otherwise. but he really has no choice. this is his life now. then James Copley comes home.

OTHER SHIPS & FRIENDSHIPS & NO SHIPS

little things, for the heart (Nile and Joe)

“Are you…baking bread?” Joe looks up at her then, and Nile snorts, walking over to the counter and reaching up to tug on the man’s stray curls, dark tight ringlets dusted with white flour. “Maybe,” Joe says, in a sing-song tone. *** or Nile takes a lesson she learned from her mother and applies it to her new life.

OTHER SERIES

THE NILE FREEMAN COLLECTION (Written for Nile Freeman Week 2020)

nile + love or where Nile meets another queen 

nile + sadness or where Nile keeps it real with Booker

nile + alone time or where Nile gets of ice cream and thinks of dying

nile + comfort or where Nile makes Joe feel better, the best way she knows how

MY LOVE, WE STILL HAVE MUCH TO LEARN (Post-Canon Take)

do not let me awake alone (Nicky x Joe)

After Booker’s betrayal, Joe is angry and Nicky suffers through the fallout. And for the the first time in a long time, Nicky understands what it's like to be alone in his grief.And something inside him breaks.

my love for him kills any anger (Nicky x Joe; Joe & Andy)

A month later, Andy finds out that Nicky is talking to Booker.But it doesn’t mean that Joe forgives him. Far from it. They've been through so much for him to just let it go.

a blessing from above (Nile & Nicky; Nile & Joe; Nicky x Joe) 

Nile gets used to a few things, three months into her new life. But the one thing that wracks her brain the most is how they deal with loss and suffering.Thankfully, she has a lifetime to figure it out. Because they’re family, and she wants to help them. At least, start them on the right path. They are grown people, after all. Because her Mama raised her right.

[fortysevenswrites]

Kathryn’s Trash TV

All right @myletternevercame. Let's Below Deck Med Season 5 this shit. 

I figured it would be easier to just tag you in a post instead of sending you all of this in a message, because like...this is a lot.

The people:

Sandy Yawn—the captain, female, lesbian, sometimes is kinda a micromanager. I want to like her, but sometimes she can be annoying.

Hannah Ferrier—longtime chief stew on the Med show(aka the head of the interior, usually a staff of 3). Relationship with Sandy has always been kind of iffy. Was actually surprised to see her come back after season 4 because Hannah was SO over Sandy and Sandy didn’t like the fact that Hannah isn’t good at making pretty table-scapes. I love her, but she really never should have come back after last season and should have ended on a high note.

Malia White—the bosun. Came back after being a deckhand on season 2. A bosun is like…the person in charge of the exterior. I want to like her because she’s the most competent bosun BDM has ever had, but she’s a shitty human being.

The show made a big deal about marketing the fact that the 3 most senior people on the show (Sandy, Hannah, Malia) are all women for the first time ever. Technically there is also a first officer and a couple other crew members but they’re not part of the primary cast.

Hinrigo “Kiko” Lorran—the chef. Adorable, from Brazil, and not a great yacht chef. Gets fired mid-charter, the world was very sad about it.

Tom Checketts—the chef who replaced Kiko. Also Malia’s boyfriend. Is AN ASSHOLE. Like seriously, fuck this guy. I don’t care how good a chef he is, he’s trash.

Christine “Bugsy” Drake—second stew who is promoted to chief stew after Hannah leaves the boat (more on that in a bit). I actually do love her. Hannah does not like her because they didn’t get along well back during season 2. Bugsy’s sister is one of Malia’s best friends, so they’re close. Bugsy actually didn’t come back until episode 4, because the original second stew, a crazy Italian lady named Lara, up and quit because she didn’t follow any of Hannah’s directions and when Hannah confronted her about it, she flipped out. Bugsy is great at tables capes and that is basically the number 1 reason why Sandy loves her so much.

Aesha Scott—actually one of Hannah’s BFFs from season 4. Ridiculous New Zealander. Has no filter. Replaces Bugsy as second stew when Bugsy gets promoted after Hannah leaves. Shows up for 7 episodes but it feels like…less than that. She has less of a fun time this season because she gets homesick.

Jessica More—third stew. Annoying. Not good at her job (which is literally primarily to do laundry and clean the bedrooms). Was surprised that she didn’t get promoted to second stew after Hannah left. Starts hooking up with Robert, one of the deckhands, early on in the season. Their relationship goes from hookup to I love you lets travel the world together WAY TOO FAST. Is annoying. I don’t like her.

Robert Westergaard—Deckhand, is bad at his job because he spends so much time thinking about the drama going on between him and Jessica. Has an opportunity to get another certification for sailing after the season but instead decides to follow Jessica to Bali where their relationship implodes.

Alex Radcliffe—one of the other deckhands. Is basically madly in love with Bugsy. Not bad at his job, and also not annoying. Really, really, really, really in love with Bugsy, but they only made out a couple times when she was drunk.

Peter Hunziker—total tool. Got fired by the production company behind BDM after he shared some really inappropriate and super duper racist content about black women on social media during the BLM protests last June, so the show was recut to minimize his appearances and disappeared his storyline.

You could potentially make a drinking game out of trying to find Peter in the background of the show after Episode 3.

Okay, now time for THE SHIT(TM) 

(which, by the way, happens in the 36-or-so hours between two charters, and over the span of like…the second half of one episode and the first half of the next)

So. After Bugsy comes on as second stew, Hannah and Bugsy agree to remain professional even though they don’t like each other and will never be friends, and IT’S ACTUALLY FINE. Except for the one time that Hannah didn’t provision enough lemons for drinks and Bugsy had to borrow them from Kiko. Apparently it was a thing…

Hannah and Malia are rooming together, and it’s all fine.

Then, Kiko starts to struggle because he’s not a yacht chef and there’s ALWAYS drama in the kitchen (same with this season of Sailing, the chef, Natasha, is a BITCH—and not in the good way like how I am a bitch. The annoying, shitty kind), and during this, the show has been putting together this storyline of how Malia’s boyfriend Tom, who is coming to visit—JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE A YACHT CHEF.

Foreshadowing much???

So Kiko leaves, Hannah is sad because he’s her only friend there, and Sandy asks Tom to come on the ship to replace Kiko as chef.

Then, we get the roommate drama. While it is common for couples to room together (like Paget and Cierra on Sailing Yacht), nothing is guaranteed on a yacht.

But Malia wants to be able to bone her boyfriend on the regular for the last two weeks of charter season, and she asks that Bugsy and Hannah share a room so she can fuck Tom on the reg. But Hannah doesn’t want to because she and Bugsy aren’t friends, and the two actually talk about it and Hannah AND Bugsy agree that it’s not a good idea for them to room together. It’s a very mature decision and was for the good of the ship and like…suck it Malia, and let work come first for five goddamn minutes (or two fucking weeks).

But Malia whines about how she should be able to fuck her boyfriend, and instead of being mature about it and fucking her boyfriend between charters in one of the guests bedrooms like normal couples do, she runs to her BFF Captain Sandy (who is tired of Hannah anyway, and it TOTALLY informs her decision making) and while Hannah is off the boat, she decides that what Malia wants, Malia gets, and that Hannah and Bugsy are going to have to room together. Malia justifies this by saying that couples ALWAYS room together (except that only really applies when they join together at the beginning of a season), and also…Sandy decides that the chef is actually above the chief stew in the hierarchy, which…isn’t actually a thing (because it hasn’t been in ANY OTHER SEASON. The chef is department of one that reports directly to the Captain and works WITH the chief stew, isn’t actually in charge of them or below them.

BUT, that night Malia finds Hannah’s prescribed valium and her weed pen, which may or may not have been prescribed valium and may or may not have been an illegal weed pen (I was never quite sure and didn’t really care to find out more), and takes it to Sandy, who uses it as an excuse to fire Hannah, and Hannah’s just like, first of all, I was having a panic attack because I have bad anxiety and it wasn’t actually valium that I took the episode before when she had a panic attack and took a tylonel PM or something, and also like, okay bitch bye, I’m over this and am out and I’m also getting out of yachting because real-life Hannah actually announced her pregnancy when the show started airing.

So, that was like, the good drama of season 5, because the rest of the season we have to suffer through Jessica and Rob going back and forth on whether or not they actually love each other (spoiler alert, they’ve known each other for a MONTH AND SO OF COURSE THEY DON’T) and Rob is kind of an awful person and Jessica is super needy and gets super jealous if any woman sneezes in Rob’s direction and it’s super duper annoying, but also like, the only storyline the show had toward the end of the season, other than Tom flipping a shit in the galley any time anyone asked him to, you know, do his fucking job.

Tom got into fights with literally everyone, from Sandy to Malia to yelling at Aesha when the primary guests asked for some fucking avocados.

So, yeah, that’s season 5 of BDM in a very, very, very long nutshell.

[dolce-peach]

Hi!! I love ur writing so much btw!💖😄 could do a Wanda x reader where he reader is bffs with Loki and always rants about her crush on Wanda to Loki and Loki is sooo done with the pining because Wanda also rants to Loki about y/n and in the end Loki is like so done lol. So basically they both have to go on a mission together 😏 and there is only one bed and and fluff ensues 😁

matchmade

pairing: wanda maximoff x reader

warnings: fluff

a/n: kinda going out of order with requests trying to push through some writer’s block, but i had a lot of fun writing this, anon!  hope you guys like it! ❤️

permanent taglist: @kaitlynmalikisnotonfire​

** TO MAKE A REQUEST -- please check the status in my bio **

masterlist

----

“She changed her hair.”

Loki looked up at you from his book. “I beg your pardon?”

Your eyes were fixed on Wanda as she greeted Steve and Nat across the room.  She had just come home from a recon mission in Sokovia to help with the disaster efforts.  Though she looked tired, her long hair was lighter than before, lightly curled at the ends.

“Wanda,” you clarified.  “She changed her hair.”

Loki sighed and went back to reading his book.  “Women happen to change their hair often, Y/N.  It’s a fact of life.”

“Now that’s just sexist,” you pointed out.

“You’re right.  I suppose Stark spends more time grooming himself than you and Maximoff combined,” he snickered.

You rolled your eyes as Wanda walked over.

Her eyes were bright.  “What’s so funny?  Did I miss something?”

“No,” you replied quickly.

“Yes,” Loki groaned without looking up.

Wanda raised an eyebrow before quickly brushing her thought away.  “Anyhow, Cap wanted me to tell you that we have a mission tomorrow overseas.”

You glanced at Loki before giving Wanda a concerned look.  “But you just came back.”

She shrugged.  “Duty calls,” she said.  “Besides, I don’t mind going if it’s with you.”

“Sounds like fun,” Loki drawled as he flipped a page and continued reading.

Wanda sent you the smallest wink before going off to file some reports with Steve.

You found yourself exhaling sharply, realizing that you were holding your breath the whole time Wanda was in front of you.  You tried your best to catch your breath, but you kept thinking about her smile.

Loki glanced over at you and scoffed.  “You are absolutely smitten,” he said.  “And incredibly lame.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ve felt the same way about someone before,” you protested.

“Kitten, I invented love, but no one here is worthy of it.”

“Of course,” you deadpanned.  “You and your incredibly high standards.”

He shrugged.  “It’s true.”

“Okay, but what am I going to do?” you groaned.  “I’ll be going with Wanda to God knows where, and I can barely function when she’s around me!”

“Right,” he said, setting his book down.  “Allow me to make a suggestion.”

You leaned closer, partially curious as to what he had to say.

He sighed.  “You’ve had your eye on Maximoff, and I’m sure she’s noticed by now.  Maybe you should stop worrying about that and just be yourself.”

“Be myself...?”

“Well, yes,” he said.  “You’re a lovely human, the best I know.  She’d be a fool not to accept you.”

You bit your lip.  “Okay, but if I make a move and it turns out badly, then I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“A reasonable deal,” Loki said with a grin before going back to his book, leaving you to worry about packing for your impromptu mission.

--

You yawned loudly, causing Wanda to laugh as she drove your tiny getaway car through the narrow streets of Edinburgh.  

“Sleep much last night?” she asked.

“A little,” you admitted.  “Just mission jitters, that’s all.”

She hummed.

You rubbed your eyes tiredly.  Truth be told, you got absolutely no sleep the night before.  Usually missions included at least a few more people, but now that you were alone with Wanda, it seemed too good to be true.  You were excited, but you didn’t want to ruin the friendship you had with her.

After a full day of scouting, the two of you checked into a small hotel.

It was a cozy building, the last of its kind on the bright, modern street.  It spoke of a time that was long gone, giving off an almost whimsical feeling to passerbys.  

And the rooms were small.

Very small.

You stared at the one bed in the middle of the room, gulping nervously.

It’s okay.

It’s just a bed, and we’re just friends.

You sighed.  Be professional, Y/N!

“Something wrong?” Wanda asked, observing your inner turmoil.

“No, of course not!” you exclaimed.

She set her bag down.  “Steve thought it’d be a good idea to get a smaller room.  Lower profile,” she said.  “I could take the couch if you want.”

I should’ve thought of that!

You shook your head, trying to act as cool as possible.  “It’s fine!”

She smiled.  “Alright,” she said.  “I’ll shower first, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah,” you replied.

You found yourself looking out the window, and as soon as you heard the bathroom door close with a click, you sighed, sitting back on the bed.

“Maybe you should stop worrying about that and just be yourself.”

You nodded to yourself.  You hated to admit it, but Loki was right.  If you wanted to make it through the night without being completely incapacitated with awkwardness, you had to take a step forward.  Maybe you wouldn’t confess outright, but at least try to carry on a conversation without blushing madly.

You didn’t notice Wanda coming back out, drying her hair with a towel.

She sat down next to you, making you jump.  “You okay, Y/N?  You’ve been really weird all day.”

“I’m fine,” you insisted.  You felt your breath hitch as she stroked your hair gently.  “Just on edge, I guess.”

“I get that,” she said.  “Sometimes I wish I didn’t have any sort of responsibility, you know?”

You nodded.  “But we’ve got each other, right?”

She smiled.  “Yeah.”

You smiled back, finding your body moving closer to hers until your lips brushed over hers.

You pulled back, your eyes wide.  “Oh, God, I’m so sorry!” you exclaimed before running to the bathroom.

You locked the door behind you, sinking to the floor.  Involuntary tears slipped down your cheeks as you tried to stifle your cries.  You felt your cheeks heat up with embarrassment.

There was a quiet knock on the door.

“Y/N?”

You hid your face in your hands.

“Y/N, can you please come out?”

You slowly stood, wiping your eyes before opening the door.

You barely had time to respond before Wanda backed you into the sink, her lips on yours.  Your eyes widened as she gently rested her hands on your waist.  

You caught your breath as she pulled back.  “Wh-what...?”

“I’ve loved you for the longest time,” she said.  “Just couldn’t find the right time to say so.”

Shock made you speechless.  You searched her green eyes for any sort of lie, but you found none.

“I always thought you and Loki would eventually get together, but after talking to him about it, he said that wasn’t the case at all,” Wanda explained.  She laughed nervously.  “I’ve ranted to him about you ever since, especially when I couldn’t necessarily contain my feelings about you.”

You thought you were dreaming.

“Sorry it took so long,” she said.

“No, it’s okay,” you replied.  “I’m sorry too.”

She laughed.  

You couldn’t help but smile like an idiot.  

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And that was where you left it.  

The two of you cuddled comfortably on the bed, eventually waking up in each other’s arms.  The soft morning light made Wanda’s hair glow against the white bed sheets.  

It took a moment for you to remember what happened the night before, but when you did, you felt giddy all over again.

You just couldn’t believe it was true.

--

When you finally returned to the compound, the first person to greet you two was Loki, who was leaning against the door frame, smiling smugly.

“Shut up,” you laughed.

“I didn’t say anything,” he pointed out.

“You didn’t need to,” you said.  You held up your hand, which was holding Wanda’s ever so gently.  “You were right.  You happy?”

A smile grew across his lips.  “Of course,” he said.  “And now I get to stab anyone who tries to hurt you two.”

You and Wanda exchanged glances before laughing.

Loki chuckled along with you, watching the two of you laugh together.

He meant every word.

You had to be protected.

[hazelandglasz]

I saw this prompt: “you’re a celebrity who just broke up and i tweeted you a selfie with the caption “date me” as a joke but you thought i was serious?” au and I freaked out a little. Could you pleaaase write it as Klaine?

Yeaaah

On  AO3

“I can’t believe it!”

Tina looks up from her phone--very important game of Empire and Puzzles, okay?--to see her best friend in a state of distress.

“What’s going on?”

Blaine clenches his phone. “Kurt and Adam broke up!”

Tina nods and returns her attention to the game. “Told you they wouldn’t last.”

“How can you say that?”

Tina shrugs. “They weren’t meant to be, Busy-Bee. Too much of the same in some aspects, too different in others, they were just not compatible.”

Blaine sits back in the chair, dropping his head to the back of it. “But they were so cute.”

“That they were.”

“Poor Kurt.”

“I don’t see you being too heartbroken over Adam.”

Blaine glares at Tina from his slouched position. “I appreciate his talent, but I only knew him because of Kurt, and you know it.”

“Such a fanboy from the start.”

“The man is our age, Tina, and already a star!”

“Blah, blah, blah, I know the spiel, Blaine. He’s our age, and from Ohio too, can you believe it,” she deadpans.

“And he overcame bullying--”

“Making it the cause he supports the most, I am a Kurtsie too, in case you forgot it!”

“Sorry, Tina,” Blaine apologizes, reaching for her hand to squeeze it. “It’s just--he’s such a role model for me, I hate to see him sad and alone.”

Tina abandons her game to scroll through social media, and true to Blaine’s words, photos of Kurt since the announcement does not paint the picture of a man happy to go back to his bachelor days.

She coos at her screen before looking up, an idea popping up in her brain. “Why don’t you offer to date him?”

“Beg your pardon?”

“Come on, Blaine, listen to me okay?” Tina sits on the edge of her seat to make her point in Blaine’s face. “You said it yourself, you’re around the same age, so no creepiness. You’re both gay and from Ohio--”

“Yeah, because that’s enough to build a relationship upon.”

“--and you both love musicals and silver movies, and fashion, though you have different tastes--”

“--and wallets.”

“--yes, okay, you don’t have the same bank accounts, but that means he could dote on you, take care of you.”

“I do not want a Sugar Daddy, Tina.”

“Not a daddy, he’s just one year older than you. Just sugar, baby.”

Blaine shakes his head, as if to clear his mind. “That’s absolutely ridiculous.”

“What do you have to lose?” Tina asks. “Send him a selfie, offering to get a break-up coffee, and you’ll see what happens. Worst comes to worst, your tweet will just disappear in the hundreds he gets every day.”

“You know what,” Blaine says, standing and putting his jacket back on, “I’m neither sober enough nor classy enough to do that.”

“Two easily solvable issues, my dear Anderson.”

---

“Can you belie--Adam, stop laughing, would you?”

Kurt tries to pretend he’s mad at his ex-fake boyfriend, still a friend, though that is debatable too.

“All right, it was fun talking to you, you jerk, have a bad day.”

“No, come on--come on, Kurt, look, I’m not laughing. I take it, ha, very seriously.”

“Hmhm.”

“No, honest. Can I believe, what, exactly?”

Kurt glares at his phone. “Humph. Can you believe the fans reactions to our breakup?”

Adam chuckles. “They are quite the passionate bunch, we always knew that.”

“Never to this level!”

“We never gave them a reason to unleash their inner beast, either.”

“It’s like we broke up with them!”

Adam sighs. “That’s how they feel. Give it a week, mate, they will find something else to fixate on.”

“Between the moping, the threats and the jokes, my timeline is a mess!”

“Mine too. It might be a good time to have a social media diet.”

Kurt drops himself on his couch and drags a soft blanket over himself. “Because you think disappearing from the social landscape will do any of us any good?”

“I don’t know, and that way, I won’t have to find out!”

For a hot second, Adam’s idea sounds like the best one.

And then Kurt’s phone vibrates with another notification.

“Don’t they ever sleep?” he mutters, putting Adam on speaker so he can look at his screen at the same time. 

“The beauty of having fans all over the world, Kurt,” Adam replies, “multiple time zones.”

“I suppose--oh.”

Kurt forgets what he was about to say, because the tweet has finished loading on his screen.

And it’s two words, followed by a picture.

“Date me.”

And the picture is quite … compelling.

“My, my,” Adam laughs outright. “Someone is quite forward.”

Kurt remembers how to swallow. “And handsome.”

“And handsome.”

Kurt remains silent, studying the picture more in detail. The young man is, as previously stated, quite handsome, with an undeniable silver screen quality to him. The untied bow tie around his neck and the slight flush to his cheeks may indicate that this @BDAnderson got tipsy before taking the picture and possibly sending the tweet.

Just a little bit of liquid courage before sending an audacious tweet to someone he looks up to, maybe.

Something deep in Kurt’s chest preens at the idea of having such a … lovely fan.

“Kurt.”

“Hm?”

“I know that hum, Kurt, and I don’t think that it is a good idea.”

“Hm?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to agree to go on a date with a stranger, but I have to admit …”

“Yeah?”

“There is something endearing about this proposal, and it would make for a fantastic publicity.”

Kurt laughs humorlessly. “And if I were to date someone, a someone who took the first step so publicly, you would be able to go public with Sebastian, hm?”

“Possibly.”

“And you are the one trying to tell my not to date a fan, hm?”

Kurt doesn’t need to see Adam to know that he’s blushing madly. They both remember how Sebastian came into their lives on the set of their second movie together as a on-screen couple.

And the very reason why Kurt and Adam started pretending to be real-life boyfriends too, to protect Sebastian from the public light.

Adam clears his throat. “You should do a background check before accepting, though. Let Kitty run it, she will be done by morning.”

Kurt stares at the picture and nods, even though no one can see him. “Sounds like a plan.”

“And, Kurt?”

“Hm?”

“Wear the beige pants.”

Kurt can only laugh before hanging up.

---

“Tina.”

“Hgnf.”

“Tina!”

“Whaaaaa.”

“Tina, look at my phone and tell me I’m hallucinating.”

“Go back to sleep, Blaine, the Sun is not up yet.”

“Tina, please.”

Tina humphs one more time before raising her head from Blaine’s couch to glare at his screen. Thank God he turned the brightness down.

She grumbles as she reads down his feed before gasping. “Blaine!” she shrieks.

“Right?”

“Blaine, oh my God.”

“Oh my God.”

“Blaine! He said--”

“He said “Would love to”!”

“Kurt Hummel agreed to go on a date.”

“With me.”

“With you.”

“So I didn’t dream that.”

“Nope.”

They exchange a look over Blaine’s phone. “Holy shit.”

Tina pushes Blaine’s blanket and jumps out of the couch, Blaine’s phone still in her hand. “Okay, we need to plan.”

“Tina.”

“Are your red pants clean? Even clean-ish?”

“Tina.”

“Second of all, the date itself. Maybe offer to go to a public place, to reassure him you’re not a serial killer.”

“Tina, he is following me now.”

Tina checks the phone and squeals. “He iiiis! So you can send him a private message to make your arrangements!”

“Tina …”

Tina finally pauses in her excitement to properly look at him. “Blaine, breathe,” she says softly when she realizes how pale he suddenly seems. “It’s going to be fine. Imagine what a story to tell to your children and grandchildren.”

“Don’t.”

“Okay, imagine what a story to tell in your autobiography.”

“Better.”

Tina goes to stand in front of Blaine and puts her hands on his shoulders. “It’s just a date. He’s just a man, and you’re just a man too, and you two will just get a cup of coffee or something, all right?”

“All right.”

“Let’s do this.”

---

Blaine arrives at the coffee place he suggested for their … holy crap, it is a date, isn’t it, for their date, then, he can do it without fainting, ten minutes early.

But as he walks down the stairs to the little alcove in the coffeeshop (he didn’t pick this place randomly), someone taps on his shoulder.

“Excuse me?”

Blaine turns immediately and is unable to stop his jaw from dropping just a little bit.

It is Kurt Hummel, in the flesh (and what a gloriously jean encased flesh it is).

“Hi,” Kurt says, and if Blaine is not mistaken, he sounds a little … breathless.

Because he ran to get there or because he’s just as nervous as Blaine is yet to be determined.

“Hi.” Out of pure engrained manners, Blaine holds up his hand. “I’m Blaine.”

Kurt chuckles as he shakes his hand. “Kurt. Glad to know you don’t have a doppelganger in the city.”

Blaine beams at Kurt, still shaking his hand before realizing that they have been standing there for far, far too long for it to be considered normal.

Then again, Kurt is also still shaking his hand, isn’t he.

“Should we sit?” Kurt asks, and Blaine nods, forcing himself to keep his wits.

“Follow me, if you please,” he says, holding up his hand. “I know that there is a spot where we wouldn’t be disturbed.”

---

From a corner in the coffee shop, behind a large plant, Tina hides, observing how the date goes.

She’s just looking out for her bro, okay.

But when she spots a blond head she has admired several times in the movies, she gasps.

Is Adam coming to get Kurt back? Is he going to fight off Blaine for Kurt’s heart?

Ah, no, Adam apparently had the same idea as she did, sitting in a corner of the café--discrete enough not to be spotted, clear enough to spot everything.

She can’t help herself and picks up her cookie plate and goes to sit with Adam.

“What the--”

“Hi. I’m Blaine BFF.”

“Ah.”

“Here to make sure everything goes well for your ex?”

“Sorta.”

“Cool. Me too. Want a piece of cookie.”

Adam glances at the plate. “I really should not,” he whispers as he picks a piece.

“How do you think they’re doing?”

They both turn to look at their friends who seem to be in their very own world, in their remote little table. They talk, talk, smile, and beam at each other whenever the other looks away, which doesn’t happen often.

“I think we’re witnessing the beginning of an epic love story.”

Tina nods and looks down at the plate where her cookie has mysteriously been reduced to one lone bit.

“Trade you the last piece of cookie for the best man’s speech rights.”

Adam starts protesting before nodding, shaking Tina’s hand. “If that means I get groomsmaid’s speech rights.”

“Deal.”

[tellywoodtrash]

sanjivani 16.10.19 lb

OH SHIT SID HAS A BROKEN SHAADI IN HIS PAST!!?!?!!!! WHUTTTTTTT?!?!??! COZ OF HIS NAAJAAYAZ-NESS??? WHO WAS THE GIRL??? DID HE REALLY LOVE HER???? OMG YEH KYA BOMB PHENKA HUMARE UPARRRRRR?!?!

oh sis, this lipstick is not working for you in this light. it makes you look like a corpse.

asldkjldkjsaldjlaskdjla i am sorry but this is fucking hilarious man hahahahaha, what an idiottttttttt this girl is. 

sid is a much better human being than i am, coz he got concerned and moved to help her, instead of instantly bursting into laughter.

forceful face hardening. jab dil abhi bhi bada hi softtttttttt hai.

haaye, woh bhi kya din tha. aur yeh ek aaj ka din hai. sigh.

"yeh kaanch ki deewar hamesha rahegi humare beech. hamesha."

"yeh kaanch ki deewar, isse main humare beech patthar nahi banne doongi. main jaankar rahoongi ki aapko hua kya hai, dr. sid."

lord. y'all not even a couple yet and you already need hardcore couple's therapy.

"i'm sorry ishani, meri badkismati ke saaye se mujhe tumhe door rakhna hoga."

OH SIDDHU. YOU SILLY BEAN, THERE'S NO BADKISMATI KA "SAAYA" AROUND YOU. YOU ARE THE SUNNNNNNNN, BABY. *hugs him tightest, clinging to him like a baby koala bear on the back of its mom*

but just in case there is, mais suggests you contact the female lead of yehh jadu hai jinn ka coz she seems to have some kinda saaya repelling expertise.

do pal ruka khwabon ka kaaaaaaarwaaaaan, aur phirrrrrrr chal diye, tum kahaan hum kahaaaaaaan.....

it's kinda endearing how jiggy's adopted ishani as bff. honestly, there is no one purer than jignesh in this whole damn show. protecc him 4ever.

oh god, i can't watch this. i can't. it's too gross. and anyway i already saw the scene sayantani put up on insta.

I AM ACTUALLY ANGRY???????????? ANJALI IS SO HOT AND ACCOMPLISHED AND DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS THUMB LOOKING FUCKER, WHO IS ALSO SOME KINDA ACCESSORY TO MURDER (AMONG OTHER UNSAVOURY SHIT.)

also the abrupt cuts between very close moments and the bits where she's pushing him away making snarky smile are confusing me. are the close bits his imagination? ok either way, gross, fwding.

from one gross relationship to another icky one. ouff, give me a break showwwwwwwww. i want to see my baby doctors (any of them, at this poiint; not just sid/ishani.)

"wife ne kyun choda aapko?" lmao, direct to the point.

"kya faraq padta hai? meri beti mere paas hai aur woh mujhse bohut pyaar karti hai."

oh ho. there's that bit of backstory solved.

anjali sympathising with vardhan's daughter.

lmao she's like a dog with a bone.

ofc, work pressure nahi samjh paayi waala excuse. couldn’t possibly be coz you’re clearly a POS insaan huh????

HEY MAN COULD YOU STOP FEELING HER UP LIKE THIS DURING A CONVO???? THAT TOO ABOUT YOUR DIVORCE?!

"har aadmi mere paas bas ek hi cheez ke liye aata hai." anjali isn't here for your bs, vardhan.

and no it's not sex. it's access to her dad. this poor girl has sooooooooo many different facets of daddy issues, it's not even funny anymore.

he needs to stop jerking her around. it's not as romantic as he thinks it is.

also lmao he’s like idk about others, but i don’t want that from you. i don’t even like your dad.

oh anjali, no. don't make this face for thisssssss dude.

I HATE YOU. DIE.

bechaara rahil is stuck between ensuring mamu is dropped home safely and figuring out what the fuck is wrong with sid suddenly.

alllll those extra shaadi waali lightein you ppl plugged in overloaded the circuits. IN A DAMN HOSPITAL. let’s hope there’s no one on life support today.

oh god ab inka "romance" dekhna padega. yaaaaaarrrrrrr. I WANTED HOT ANDHERE MEIN ROMANCE FOR SID ISHANI. NOT THESE TWO!

man you ppl keep framing this relationship as rooted in "izzat" but like........ it doesn't feel very respectful.

oufffff spit it out shashank. do you want to bone her or not????? that's all we need to know here rn. i don't care about the izzat and dosti and falaana dimkaana. IS THIS ROMANTIC LOVE, OR FUCKING NOT? jesusssssssss.

"haan juhi, main tumse pyaar karta hoon."

OK I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND THO. COZ YOU FRAMED IT AS SOME KINDA PURE UNSEXUAL ROMANTIC LOVE AND.... I'M JUST CONFUSED. I MEAN I GET THE CONCEPT OF NON-SEXUAL ROMANTIC LOVE, I'M JUST CONFUSED AT THE WAY THIS SHOW IS CHOOSING TO FRAME IT HERE, IN THE CONTEXT OF THIS PARTICULAR RELATIONSHIP. IS SHASHANK DECLARING HIMSELF TO BE ASEXUAL? (UNLIKELY, CONSIDERING HOW MANY BACHCHE HE HAS RUNNING AROUND THE PLACE AT ANY GIVEN TIME IN THE MANY ITERATIONS OF THIS SHOW, MOST OF WHICH WEREN’T PLANNED.) BUT THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THIS DYNAMIC WORKS. MAKE A DECISION, SHOW. WHAT IS THIS FUCKING RELATIONSHIP????????

and what are we to make of juhi who was all smiley at the dosti and izzat part  of the convo, and keeps getting upset and cagey when he says "pyaar"??!?!?

ohohohohoh how the turntables. time for him to hound her for an answer.

lmao well. there’s your answer.

ok???????? why this random shot of anjali's shadow?

lmao was it really necessary for all the attendees to change outfits too? literally only the bride and groom and their fam needed to.

shashank bana siddhu. while siddhu is off bemoaning his phooti kismat somewhere. iss sab ke liye mujhe wait karwaaya itna iss episode ke liye????? ugh.

THE ONLY TWO I REALLY CARE AND STAN FOR IN THIS SHOW FILLED WITH CONFUSING IDIOTS. PURE, FLAWLESS, SASS BOIS.

lmao rishabhhhhhhhhhh man, where's your mumbai ka best pandit?????/ YOU'RE mumbai's best pandit??????

asha still upset about ishani's breakdown i guess.

awwww, sid's walking jessie down the aisle!

oh shit, while having bad shaadi flashbacks. hang in there baby, hangggg in there.

SHE CALLED HIM HER BROTHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! ACTUAL TEARS YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

lmao @ rishabh getting huffy at that. i can't tell if i love or hate this petty asshole.

"main marrrr rahi hoon!!!!!"

"arre main apne dulhe ko dekhne ke liye marr rahi hoon yaaar."

this is exactly the kinda gallows humour i would keep doing in a sitch like this and i fucking love jessi for being a Dramatic Bitch like me.

here comes the groom. with his bestieeeeeeee.

the rejection phobia is mega real with this one. never thought we'd see anyone more fucked up by it than sonakshi rastogi, but here we are.

but also sid, how do you look at a girl like THIS and then act surprised when ppl tell you that you’re in love with her?????

yeah try to avert your eyes all you want bro, you gonna wife her eventually.

rahil and asha are every sidisha shipper rn; dying on the inside from the.......

OMG THEY'RE THE ACTUAL CUTEST. CAN THE SHOW JUST BE ABOUT THEM????? COZ LIKE.... THAT'S A SHOW I WANNA WATCH RN. PURE SUPPORTIVE MADLY IN LOVE BABIES GETTING THROUGH LIFE, CANCER BE DAMNED.

LOLOLOLOLOL SO WE'RE REALLY GETTING ZERO EXPLANATION TO ME WHY RISHABH'S THE PANDIT THO????????

oh babeeee.

vardhan is me. KISKA ROMANCE DEKHNE KO SHURU KIYA MAINE SHOW, AUR KISKA NAIN-MATAKKA DEKHNA PADH RAHA HAI. BHAKKKKKKKK!!!!!!

sid. hon. stay strong.

ah shit. maybe melt a little. see how she's crying cozza you! come on, man! 

why repeating the “badkismati ka saaya” dialogue from before???? ouff what a hodgepodge fuckingggggg mess this ep was.

———————————————————————

blah blah two of them and their opposing zidds, we all know ishani gonna eventually win anyway.

[whereismywarden]

OC Masterlist

@kiraia​ pointed out (rightfully so) that I made quite a few vague posts about my OCs, but that I’ve never properly introduced them. It’s true, mostly because I tend to wait until they are well developed to properly do anything with them, which doesn’t happen all that often. So consider this a formal introduction to my current OCs :)

(Under a cut because there are quite a bunch of them. I hope it works on mobile, because otherwise yikes! I’m very sorry.)

Sad Mages Worldstate

It’s probably the one I talk about the most. It’s the most developed worldstate, with the most developed OCs and I’ve written a lot of fics about them.

The Warden: Ana Surana [Tag | Complete bio | Fanfictions]

pairings: Ana x Daylen Amell (friends with benefits), Ana x Alistair (DAO romance), Ana x Carver (current pairing, now married) + I occasionally throw Isabela into the mix because reasons.

Born in the Gallows and taken to an orphanage in Highever until her magic manifested.

Grew up close to Anders, Jowan, Amell and (to a lesser extent) Finn.

Had a baby that she was forced to give to the Chantry.

Main DAO choices include: romancing Alistair, getting her heart broken after making him king, stupidly refusing to do Morrigan’s ritual and watching him sacrifice his life for her.

Later she starts dating Carver (whom she actually met at Ostagar where they had a brief fling before the Battle).

Takes part in the Mage Underground and helps Anders build his bomb.

Starts hearing the Calling shortly before DAI.

Is Hawke’s contact during HLtA.

The Champion: Alwyn Hawke [Tag | Complete bio | Fanfictions]

pairings: Alwyn x Anders (DA2 romance, on and off), Alwyn x Cullen (one time), Alwyn x Rylen (post DAI, considering making them endgame, not sure yet).

Purple Hawke.

Carver becomes a warden.

Supports the mages.

Develops a close friendship with Ana.

Breaks up with Anders after the Chantry explosion, wishing he’d trusted him enough to share his plan with him. They do get back together later on.

Is the first one to learn about Ana hearing the Calling.

Stays behind in the Fade during HLtA, but eventually finds a way out.

He was found by Inquisition scouts in the Western Approach, suffering from amnesia.

Later falls in love with Rylen.

(Note that I still need to update that last part into his bio.)

The Inquisitor: Violette Surana [Tag | Complete bio | Fanfictions]

pairings: Violette x Orsino (once twice), Violette x Samson (current partner).

Ana’s mum.

Orlesian who grew up in Ferelden during the occupation.

Was taken to the Gallows at age 13.

Was a close friend of Malcolm Hawke.

Had her baby (Ana) taken by the Chantry. Later escaped.

Hates the Chantry.

Attends the Conclave in the hopes that Ana might be there.

Starts sleeping with Samson after his capture because he basically said fuck the Chantry to her face and it turned her on.

Hardened Leliana becomes Divine.

Other OC: Neriah Amell-Hawke

Is Ana’s daughter. She got her out of the orphanage after the Blight (thanks, Leliana).

Her father is Daylen Amell. Carver adopted her when he married her mama.

Is 18 as of Trespasser.

Second Chances Worldstate

This one started off as an AU for a fic starring Ana and Alistair which is why these two worldstates are so similar. The point of divergence is that Jowan went to Amell for help instead of Ana for some reason.

The Warden: Daylen Amell [Tag | Fanfictions]

pairings: Day x Ana (friends with benefits), Day x Morrigan (DAO romance and while I did consider for a while not having him follow her through the eluvian, I changed my mind. There’s too much growth potential.)

His father was Maurevar Carver, because I say so.

Main DAO choices include: Sparing Loghain, Alistair becoming a drunk, not doing Morrigan’s ritual because he can just throw Loghain at the Archdemon (which he did).

Helps Ana get their daughter out of the Kirkwall orphanage. Bails on them right afterwards.

Does follow Morrigan through the eluvian and actually ends up being a decent dad to Kieran.

Does not become Ferelden’s Warden-Commander.

The Champion: Alwyn Hawke (yes, again)

Like I said, this was originally an AU, so it made sense to keep the same Hawke. There are quite a few differences, however.

pairings: none.

Does not bring Anders to the Deep Roads. Carver dies.

Suffers from severe depression afterwards.

Goes from purple to full blue after Leandra’s death.

Stays behind in the Fade. Probably won’t make it out in this worldstate.

The Inquisitor: Asaara Adaar [Tag | Fanfictions]

pairings: Asaara x Cullen (starts before DAI, now married).

Meets Cullen shortly before the Chantry explosion. They fall in love.

Not going into too much details because it will be part of Second Chances’ main story.

Other OCs: Ana Surana and Neriah [Main fic | Other fics]

Again, can’t go into too much detail because spoilers.

pairings: Ana x Carver (before the Deep Roads expedition anyway), Ana x Alistair.

Day brings Ana to Kirkwall shortly after the Blight to meet their daughter. She ends up staying after they get Neriah out of the orphanage.

Single mom. Works as a waitress.

They find drunk Alistair in their garbage. Ana wants to help him get better.

Other OC: Issala Adaar [Tag]

pairings: Issala x Varric (post-DAI).

Is Asaara’s overexcited little sister.

Likes to tinker with explosives.

Built a handheld cannon. It’s clunky, not very accurate and is prone to misfire. In other words, it still needs a lot of work.

Varric thinks she’s adorable so he made her his personal bodyguard.

Angry Dalish Worldstate

The Warden: Shaelyn Mahariel [Tag | Fanfictions]

pairings: Lyn x Tamlen (Origin), Lyn x Bethany, (considering Lyn x Alistair between DA2 and DAI but even that might be too cruel.)

Doesn’t want to be a warden.

DAO choices include: Alistair remaining with the wardens because he doesn’t want to be king.

No in-game romance, she was too heartbroken after losing Tamlen.

Eventually starts dating Bethany.

Travels to the Free Marches after the death of her clan to kill the man responsible.

Almost dies in the resulting fight against Hawke (thank the Creators Anders was there).

Goes home and confesses to Bethany that she almost killed her brother and that she would have done it had he not been so badass. They break up.

The two of them reconcile post-DAI, after Hawke and Merrill’s wedding.

The Champion: Kris Hawke [Tag]

pairings: Kris x Merrill (now married).

Blue Hawke.

Sadly couldn’t save Merrill’s clan.

Didn’t want to hurt Lyn that badly during their fight, he was just defending himself. Deeply regrets it afterwards.

The Inquisitor: no one specific yet, but likely a Lavellan romancing Solas.

Alistair stays behind in the Fade.

Elves in Luuuuv Worldstate

The Warden: Kallian Tabris [Tag | Fanfictions]

pairings: Tabs x Alistair (DAO romance)

Probably the most canon-compliant OC.

Main DAO choices include: making Alistair king with Anora as queen and becoming his mistress.

Madly in love.

Will have a happy ending.

No Hawke or Inquisitor yet.

Homecoming Worldstate

The Warden: Elaine Cousland [Tag]

pairings: Elle x Nathaniel (pre-DAO, now ex-husband), Elle x Leliana (DAO romance), Elle x Sebastian (current).

Was BFF with Anora during their childhood.

Actually met Sebastian before he was sent to the Chantry. The two of them had similar lifestyles back then, so when Elle visited Starkhaven with her father, the two of them developed a rivalry of sorts in their romantic pursuits (think Merteuil and Valmont, but a lot more light-hearted). They do spend one night together after learning that he is going to be sent to the Chantry.

Eventually fell in love and married Nate. They kept their relationship a secret, however. They divorced after the Blight.

Main DAO choices include: romancing Leliana, making Alistair king with Anora as queen, sparing Loghain and performing the ritual.

Her relationship with Leliana didn’t survive the distance.

Leaves the Wardens after the Chantry explosion and basically goes on the run from everyone because she feels responsible for what happened.

Helps Sebastian reclaim his throne. They fall in love. (I’m currently writing a fic about this, actually)

Still unsure about her DAI fate. Either she replaces Hawke in HLtA and stays behind in the Fade, or she becomes Inquisitor.

The Champion: Violetta Hawke [Tag | Fanfictions]

pairings: Letta x Isabela (DA2 romance).

Yes, she was totally named after Violette.

Is Kris’ sister.

Carver becomes a Templar.

Spared Anders.

Sails into the sunset with Isabela.

DAI fate will depend on what I decide to do with Elle.

The Inquisitor: no one yet.

Loghain survives HLtA.

I am considering having Neriah (yes, again) be the Herald with someone else as Inquisitor since she’s only a kid. In this worldstate, she grew up in Kirkwall’s orphanage before being taken to the Gallows. She escapes the massacre and Carver eventually takes her under his wing.

I'm planning to have two additional worldstates (I want one per warden origin). One called "Happy Dwarves" with a male Brosca romancing Zevran and one called "Dead Heroes" with a male Aeducan romancing Leliana (and probably Alwyn again, idk). I also have a couple of Cadashes that I want to put somewhere, a woman romancing Josie and a man romancing Divine Cassandra. Idk yet if they'll be Inquisitors or if I'll just add them to one of the existing worldstates. Odds are one will be Inquisitor while the other just tags along.

I probably missed a few things here and there, but that’s basically the gist of it. Thanks to anyone who actually stuck to the end, lmao.

[this-lioness]

So like... it’s been a really weird fucking couple of days.

I thought about password protecting this, ‘cause not everybody needs to know everybody else’s shit, but I’ll try to summarize in a way that doesn’t incriminate anyone.  Not that I think anybody cares.  This is gonna be super fucking long, so hold onto your butts.

Husband and I belong to a smallish but close circle of friends.  We all largely met one another through one another, if that makes sense.  Like, Person A and Person B meet Persons C and D, then A and B meet E, who has a lot in common with D, and they become friends, and then C’s roommate F starts tagging along to stuff, and now we’re all bowling together or some shit like that.  So when someone in the group meets someone new, and gets along with them, it’s a pretty sure thing that sooner or later they’re just going to be part of the group eventually.

This has worked out really well for us. But... there have been some exceptions.

Case in point, Husband and I met and became friends with a local dude who we thought would integrate well with the group, invited him to our local NYE party, and it seemed like he was starting to blend with everyone.  But then the dude started flaking out, and the fact that at 30-something years old he was still floating from retail job to retail job, didn’t really bathe or keep himself groomed very well, was telling weird, vague lies about completely unnecessary stuff, and we were kinda like... yeah... maybe we don’t want him super involved after all.

But like, you don’t know until you try, right?

A few years ago Husband and I were tabling a local geeky convention of some kind, and we ran into this chick -- we’ll call her Selina -- who was cosplaying there with her best friend -- we’ll call him Logan.  Logan and Selina, with me so far?  They seemed nice enough, typically geeky folks that we had a good deal in common with.  We became Facebook friends with them both.

Something to note about Selina: She was married.  She was also an avid cosplayer and pretty talented makeup artist.  She posted lots of pics of herself in costume on her IG.

Something to note about Logan: In spite of the fact that Selina was married, it was painfully, excruciatingly obvious that Logan was in love Selina.  Like head-over-heels, constantly making “vaguebook” posts pining away for someone nameless who he yearned for deeply, etc.  Like... nobody ever acknowledged that it was Selina that he was in love with, because she was married and she clearly had no feelings for him, but e v e r y b o d y knew.  You couldn’t NOT know.

Not too long after we met them and connected with them on social media, one of our good, dear friends (let’s call him Jay) messaged me privately and said, “Hey, what do you know about Selina?”

Long story short, Selina was really into roleplaying.  Jay mentioned he wanted to give it a shot, and wanted to check to make sure she wasn’t, like, crazypants.  We still didn’t really know Selina all that well, but we told Jay that she seemed cool, and there was no reason to think she was crazypants.

Jay was like, “Cool,” and so Jay and Selina began roleplaying together.

Now, I myself am an avid roleplayer.  I actually offered to roleplay with Selina, but Selina kind of... blew me off?  It turned out I’m a much more long-form narrative roleplayer than she is, and -- if we’re being honest -- probably a better writer than her overall, and I think she wasn’t into that.

Since I’m being so honest, I think she also turned her nose up at the fact that I had a vagina.

Something we came to learn about Selina, the longer we knew her: She loooooooved attention from dudes.  She was a not-particularly-fit-or-attractive chick who used cosplay as a means of surrounding herself with praise and male attention. Which, good for you, you do you, but that’s kind of a thing I don’t care to associate with.

So as time went on, Marc and I kind of... not distanced ourselves from her, but sort of side-stepped away from her into the “Nah, we’re cool” camp, if you know what I mean.  Marc wasn’t one of her drooling admirers, so Selina kind of didn’t give a fuck about him.

In 2016, Marc and I announced that we wanted to do a group cosplay for Baltimore ComiCon.  We wanted to do steampunk Marvel characters.  I was going to be Scarlet Witch, Marc was going to be Colossus.  Our friend Jay was going to be Cyclops, and his wife Julie (our other very good friend) was going to be Psylocke.  Selina and Logan decided they wanted to join in as well, and we met them there in Baltimore, but we weren’t really there with them.  We walked around with them in costume for part of the con, then we all went our separate ways.

Shortly before the convention, Jay’s wife Julie brought to our attention the fact that she and Jay were having some problems, and that Selina was at the center of them.  Jay’s roleplaying with Selina, and the amount of time they spent talking one-on-one with one another, had become problematic.

I’m going to leave it at that, because I’m sure you can kinda suss out what was happening.  Suffice it to say that although it took Jay awhile to realize how his actions were hurting Julie, eventually he realized that he needed to distance himself from Selina for the good of his marriage.  Jay and Julie worked this all out between themselves and all was well again.  There was a bit of awkwardness at the convention, but then we all went our separate ways again and things seemed like they were normalized.

However, the whole thing made us side-eye Selina even harder.

A short while later, Selina divorced her husband.

Now I’m going to introduce you to Karl.

Karl was long-time best friends with Jay, and was good friends with all of us, being part of “the group”.  Karl was in a committed monogamous relationship with Karol, and had been for some time.  We were all really glad about this, because we liked Karol a ton, and frankly Karl was kind of an awkward man-child with a lot of issues, and we all felt that Karol was good for him, and helping him mature.

Throughout all of this Karl had also become friendly with Selina.

One day Karl announces to all of us that he has broken up with Karol for reasons that made no sense to any of us.  We were all very confused and upset, but tried to be supportive of both of them.

Yeah, well, it turned out that Karl had been fucking around with Selina behind Karol’s back.  He broke up with Karol, blaming it all on her, because he wanted to fuck Selina full time, and didn’t want to look like the bad guy.

When “the group” found out we all turned on Karl and were like, “NOPE,” and basically everybody stopped talking to him.  Selina eventually broke up with him, claiming that she had no idea he was in a committed relationship during this time (which is bullshit, because she could clearly see on social media that HE WAS, but whatever), but of course in cutting Karl out we all cut Selina out as well.

Some time passed.  For reasons none of us really understood, in spite of everything he’d done Karol was still in love with Karl, and they continued to live together: initially just as roommates, but apparently rekindling some kind of relationship with one another as well.

Earlier this year, very suddenly and unexpectedly, Jay died.

This came as an absolutely gutting blow to the entire group.  In the wake of his death, we all sort of let Karl back into the fold.  He seemed incredibly repentful, and he knew it was going to be a long road to regain our trust and respect, but he was contrite.

It has been a very hard year for everyone involved, for reasons that I may get into another time.

At the time that Jay died, Selina -- on her cosplaying Instagram account -- posted a budoir-style T&A pic of herself in costume, and at the bottom added, “RIP Jay”.

I’m going to say this again, as judiciously as I can: If this is your thing, good for you, you do you, but in my opinion that was beyond fucking tasteless, and fuck her.

Well.  Earlier this week, Selina killed herself.

This sent a small shockwave back through the immediate group, although it settled again quickly.  Karl is the only one left who had any even remotely positive feelings about Selina, and I’m not 100% sure how he’s taking it. He seems OK, and until he says otherwise we kinda’ have to just accept that.  If he’s mourning her, he’s fortunately got sense enough not to do it where Jay’s widow Julie can see it, so... thank goodness for that, at least.

You may remember Selina’s BFF and unrequited love, Logan.  Let’s get back to him.

Well, Logan has spent the past week melting the fuck down.  I don’t even follow the dude anymore, myself, but out of morbid curiosity I’ve checked his FB page.

Holy shit.

This is not just... mourning.  He has gone way off the deep end, calling he and Selina soulmates, as if -- in spite of the fact that she never reciprocated his feelings (publicly, anyway) -- she was as madly, head-over-heels in love with him as he was with her.  He’s also doing this in full view of Selina’s recent ex-husband, with whom Selina was still friendly, and with whom he is supposedly friends.  God bless her ex-husband for watching this unfold and not driving over and stabbing this guy to death.

Logan even went so far as to talk about the cast of characters from a roleplay he and Selina had been doing together, which included a number of “in character” children born of their two characters, and saying they were AS REAL TO THEM as real live biological children are to actual flesh-and-blood parents.

To note: HE ALREADY HAS ACTUAL REAL-LIFE BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN.

Can you fucking imagine being one of his actual kids and watching him mourn these fictional children who did not actually exist, who your Dad concocted with some chick he was obsessed with, and basically saying that these FAKE KIDS mean as much to him as you do?

Like, he actually concluded the post saying (to Selina), “Please watch over our babies until Papa can come home.” Watching this unfold has been COOCOO-NUTS BANANAS.  I have never wanted to say, “DUDE,” so much to someone before.

I don’t know why I’m writing all this, except to say I really wanted to get it all off my chest.  Part of me subscribes to the whole “don’t speak ill of the dead” thing, and like... look.  I feel for Selina’s friends and family.  I feel for her, because clearly she was troubled, and I’m sorry that she felt this was the only way out of a dark place.  But also, killing yourself doesn’t retroactively erase the shitty things you did when you were alive.  And she did a bunch of shitty things. And yeah, I know I’m probably a shittier person for saying that, but whatever.

Anyway. Like I said.  It’s been a wild fucking year. :|

[curly-q-reviews]

VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL

Below Her Mouth, 2016 (dir. April Mullen)

WARNING SPOILERS AND LOTS OF SEX TALK AHEAD TREAD WITH CAUTION

HEY Y’ALL we interrupt the regular programming for a special feature!!  i always like to do a lil valentines day special viewing for the sake of being festive and for once ive actually gotten some dating action in my life so i was in the mood to watch some sweet romance and then review it for ur reading pleasure (emphasis on the PLEASURE ehugeguehgehgeugeghe) (assassinate me now i deserve it)

to preface this, i am VERY gay.  well uuhhh bi but a very GAY bi u know??  basically i curse my attraction to men every waking moment of my life.  ive known about this since my last few years of college and am out to basically everyone whos important, and a lot of my friends are lgbtq+ so u know its official and everything.  i dont really claim to be a Gay Expert  cause i actually am still lacking a lot of uuhhh physical experience if u catch my drift HOWEVER like a true scholar i have done my fair share of research.  which mainly includes watching really shitty lesbian movies and mocking them (and every so often watching a rare Good Lesbian Movie and crying A LOT). 

if u are of sapphic inclination as well then u probably already know the kind of reputation lesbian romance movies have overall, the prime examples of which would be movies like Room in Rome and Loving Annabelle.  these movies all seem to have one thing in common, and its that the directors and writers have no goddamn clue about how to write a convincing and authentic lesbian romance.  u also always get the sense that the male gaze is the one being prioritized cause theres always PLENTY of gratuitous sex and the romance part itself is uuhhhh never really developed well or thoroughly enough at all.  these movies are usually about a straight girl who discovers her affinity for the feminine when she meets a total stranger and suddenly cant stop thinking about how much she wants to bang her.  and then in-between all the banging they somehow find the time to fall madly in love with each other but the straight girl just CANT cause shes STRAIGHT or she has a FIANCE or her PARENTS wouldnt approve or whatever the fuck the conflict of the day is and either it ends with them never seeing each other again or with the straight girl coming to terms with her not-straightness and ***follow her heart*** or whatever

really the only lesbian movies i can recall actually enjoying would be Pariah (PLEASE check this movie out its so heart-wrenching and beautiful and its like a majority-black cast!!!) and Blue Is the Warmest Color (this one i loved at first but the more i reflect on it the more problems i find with it, ESPECIALLY with how much sex is in it).  and then The L Word is a stellar tv series up until like the last few seasons which are trash but otherwise it was a great watch for me, especially while i was still figuring things out.  i feel like there are more that ive seen that were pretty good but i cant think of them at the moment WHOOPS LOL

so with Below Her Mouth i was apprehensive but hopeful going in, although i had heard rumors that it was Real Bad.  and u know i shouldve listened to those rumors and not bothered with this movie cause WOW its bad!!!  script is TRASH, acting is TRASH WITH FEBREEZE SPRAYED ON IT, and it looks like an artsy pretentious film student shot it.  natalie krill had maybe one good acting moment in the whole 90-minute run time and erika linder is really really hot and those are the only two good things i can think to say about this

fuck ok uuhhh i guess ill talk about the main characters cause OH WOW theyre basically two walking talking cliches.  jasmine (yes her name is jasmine that totally doesnt sound like the name of a character in a porn at all) is our Token Straight Girl who has a fiance and is a fashion editor.  she first sees our other romantic lead while working on the roof of a house next door to hers.  shes ur typical Lesbian Romance Movie Butch, too cool for school and unable to commit to anyone ever and is kind of an asshole but somehow this is supposed to endear u to her.  oh and guess what her name is.  just guess.  ill give u a few minutes.

DALLAS ITS FUCKING DALLAS HOOWEE WHAT A SHOCKER

the first thing we see of dallas, and this is also the first fuckin shot of the movie, is her uuhhh scissoring her girlfriend???  humping her?????  i really dont know what shes trying to accomplish but shes clearly not having any fun while doing it and her girlfriends like “i love u” and shes like “im moving out bye” and thats it

real compelling i know

so jasmine and her bff manage to stumble upon the lesbian bar in town (which dallas calls a girl party???  why??????) where dallas meets her and proceeds to be completely and utterly creepy in ways ive only ever seen men be which is the first indicator that the person who made this movie, april mullen, is maybe not gay at all (or maybe she is and just has horrible taste?? idk man).  but somehow the creepiness is a real turn on for ol’ jazzy and they start making out IMMEDIATELY but then jasmines like “i have a fiance gotta go!!!!” and yeets herself out of the situation

but of course this is a lesbian romance so u know they meet up again and proceed to have like half an hours worth of steamy gratuitous porn-style sex.  there was a lot of strap-on action involved and a lot of bizarre scissoring that i dont even think i can call scissoring cause it was more like they were just weirdly bumping their vagoos against each other and somehow that was getting them both off.  like sometimes the sex scenes in this movie bordered on tommy wiseau levels of weird. 

oh and of course the fiance finds out about this secret love affair but WOW do they really do this in the most dramatic and unintentionally hilarious way possible.  he literally comes home early from his business trip and walks in on dallas going to town on jasmine with a strap on in the bath tub, like theyre ferociously going at it.  i swear to god i felt like i was watching a comedy at times with this movie

piggybacking off of that, jesus christ this script is bad.  ooooohhhh its so bad.  dallas is given the cringiest tough guy lines, like shes drinking beers with a friend and the friend is like “oh man i gotta catch up to u” and, hilariously, dallas is like “you cant catch up cause nO oNe WiLl EvEr CaTcH mE” and i almost choked on my own saliva.  oh god wait heres another zinger, so when she first meets jasmine shes like “do u come to girl parties often (again why the everloving FUCK is she calling it a girl party????)” and jasmines like “i don’t come at all” and the next thing to come out of dallas’s suave sexy mouth is “TeRriBLe NeWs CaN i ChAnGe ThAt FoR yOu” OH my GOD

and good god shes so creepy.  like some of the shit she pulls is borderline sexual assault.  her and jasmine are just at a bar chillin and dallas reaches down and im like “oh ok shes gonna like put her hand on her knee classic move” but NOPE OH NO she just makes a beeline STRAIGHT for jasmines crotch IN THE MIDDLE OF A BAR!!!  THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND!!!!!!  OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

at one point after another round of passionate lovemaking dallas brings jasmine back to her house and theyre in dallas’s truck and they just??  slap each other???  for no reason?????  except for True Love i guess????????????

jesus.  just.  this was an experience.  i would say dont bother watching it but i did at least have fun making fun of it so if thats ur sort of thing knock ur socks off, its on netflix.  but wow this basically fits the stereotype of a lesbian romance movie PERFECTLY, and when u really break it down its just a fancy porn.  i wouldnt even say its a porn geared towards actual wlw cause theres so many elements about the sex scenes that reminded me of the kind of lesbian porn thats made for straight men to jack off to.  0/10 BAD BYE

well shit ok i hope u all had a great valentines day!!  im gonna go start a roofing business in the hopes that i end up working on a roof of a house thats right next to a really hot straight girl with a fiance so i can try to finger-bang her in the middle of an occupied bar wish me luck!!!!!

[khirsahle]

oh wow, reading through this list there are at least ten questions i want to know the answer to, however i will prioritize / as someone keen on writing myself, i would like to know (if you have time) what you do for inspiration (nº 9), why you started (nº 15), self-advice (nº 17) and what your major stylistic influences are (nº 18) / have a nice day tomorrow / P.S. oh, 23 & 24 are really fun questions, too

Hello! (Andwelcome back, Anons!

9) what, if anything, do you do forinspiration?

I read asmuch as possible, but not within afandom/kind of genre I’m writing. So for instance if I am writing Dragon AgeHawke/Fenris, I try not to read much Hawke/Fenris, but I may read, oh…StarGateAtlantis. This lets me think critically about how characters are written andstories are unfolded without getting caught up in my own head or (even worse)accidentally yoink something for my own use. It can be scarily easy tointernalize an idea and think it’s your own.

I alsolisten to music a lot. I find thatmusic can make me experience emotions that I then unfold into characters.

I play videogames, as weird as that sounds. This is especially true for games with richstory and beautiful scenery. They can bring out emotions in you and sparkthematic ideas you want to explore within your own writing. My tendency towardvideo games and sci fi tv shows is how I know I’m absolutely obsessed with found family narratives, for instance.

Also?Weirdly? Documentaries. I mean, life is strange, and seeing how differentpeople live it—as well as how they talk, how they interact, how they see andexperience the world differently than you do—can really influence your writing.

15) why did you start writing?

This isusually a really dull answer, honestly, because it almost always is, “Because Ihad to.” Born storytellers always seem to have all these stories inside thatare just dying to get out. For me it was that, but it was also “Because Iwanted to know first.” Writing becamea way to grapple with ideas or emotions I was having a difficult time workingout, and I wanted to be able to pin them down and understand them before anyoneelse. It was a really selfish and self-involved instinct that got me intowriting, which I think is still reflected in some of my work. Many of mystrongest characters tend to inward-focus to the Nth degree because they’re myavenue still for exploring ideas I want to figure out.

17) if you could give your fledgling authorself any advice, what would it be?

Don’t walkaway and let your writing go fallow for so long. Keep going, keep working atit, and trust your instincts. Even when they’re terrible (seriously, stoptrying to write for shock value and focus on what you actually care about—those stories suck because your motivations areall wrong), they’re going to teach you something.

Also, have asecond pen name ready so you can leave behind your old name and emerge as anadult on the internet without cringing a little every time you remember thecrap still out there. Also, also, don’t name yourself after a Dragonlancecharacter, you dolt.

18) were there any works you read that affectedyou so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

YES. My twobiggest influences are Guy Gavriel Kay and (…I know this is really strange)Stephen King.

Guy GavrielKay is not afraid to pull punches. He is an emotional writer, and he will takeyou on a journey. Visually, he’s stunning. Someday I’d love to be like him.

Stephen King…youknow, for all the crap—and believe me, I know there is lots of crap—he’s gotthis way of writing people,especially complicated people, that makes them understandable. Even if you don’tlike them, you get them. He also has this way with mundanity that…transcends?It’s hard to explain. I’m not there, but I see a LOT of his influence in workslike Space Oddity.

Also, helikes to navel-gaze and I am infamous for navel-gazing. So there’s that.

23) any obscure life experiences that you feelhave helped your writing?

…yes. I wasin love with my best friend in middle school. Like. In love. And I’m pretty sure she was in love with me, too. Butbecause we didn’t really have the full understanding of what that all meantyet, we weren’t sure how to express it in a healthy way. We created theseextended fantasy worlds that we lived in, exploring abandoned houses and deepinto the forest and cypress swamps. It was all very Bridge to Terabithia,except with two young proto-dykes.

I won’t gointo the specifics of the falling out, but we had a terrible falling out that revolved around essentially frustratedlove and the new distance that got introduced when I had to move, plus a newfriend that she met after I moved. Wejust had no idea how to deal with howwe felt, and this new friend had no idea how to deal with me as such animportant part of her new BFFs life (she couldn’t “replace” me because she wasn’tthe romantic object I was, but she didn’t realize that was what made me more “special”than her, and gah, it was just a pre-teen clusterfuck), so when I was visitingover the summer, she arranged for us to have a poetry reading. We all gatheredtogether, and she made this big show of asking if I would read my old BFFs/love’spoem. My old BFF said it would mean a lot to her if I did, so of course, beingstill madly in love even if everything was getting so messy and complicated, Igot up in front of all of our friends and happily read her poem.

…I realizedabout halfway through that the poem was about me. And it wasn’t very nice at all. The new BFF was gleefullyleaning forward, eating it all up. The old BFF/love, was watching me coldly.And I just stared her down and read her poem as if it were a breakup anthem…which,essentially, it was. The thing was, all of our friends got to watch meexperience our painful breakup in real time, and it remains one of the mostemotionally fraught moments of my life. That kind of deliberate cruelty fromsomeone who loved me stuck in ways even adult relationships haven’t.

While Inever had a real Greg the Asshole, and I was never ghosted the way Teddy was, Ipoured everything I felt for her into Teddy’s feelings for Greg, and everymoment of confused hurt into his response to Greg turning everyone against him.It wasn’t a one for one, but the emotion was there in both, which is whywriting can be cathartic as fuck,guys.

24) have you ever become an expert onsomething you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or astory?

I wish! If Iwere a better writer, I would.  Mostly Itend to learn enough to get the experience of it as close as possible, thenjust wing it.

I mean…

(snip) Nope, still too ashamed to let that bit of honesty stand. Oops.

[dangermousie]

So, here is my list of telenovelas to watch

099 Central (Argentina) - hot cops fight a super psycho who is hero’s brother and make out. I am in it for the leads who I will watch in anything (they are the OTP in Padre Coraje.)

Alborada (Mexico) - like one of those old-school romance novels, our hero is a hunted nobleman whose paths cross with a mistreated wife.  Wife’s evil in-laws blackmail him into pretending to be her husband on pain of death (go with it - just think of Kathleen Woodiwiss) because they need heroine to have a kid. That happens and they meet years later. I am here for fine lawn shirts, swords, tight pants, and make-outs in the field of flowers.

Alma Pirata (Argentina) - three friends, love stories, revenge blah blah. Watching because recommended. 

Amazonia (Brazil) - it’s period, that’s all I need to know. 

Amor del Bueno (Peru) - have never seen a Peruvian one. Also politician’s wife and hardcore journalist falling for each other when they are kidnapped? Yes PLS.

Amor Gitano (Mexico) - noble woman in love with a gypsy in the Middle Ages? OMG where do I sign up! 

Caminho dos Indios (Brazil) - a telenovela set in India? Frankly I am checking it out because It sounds so strange!

Chocolate com Pimento (Brazil) - 1920s, flappers, chocolate factory, poor heroine makes good.

Corazon Salvaje (Mexico) - 1993 version. Pirate x nun. That’s all that needs to be said.

Corazon Valiente (US) - two lady bffs meet as adults. There are cops and stuff and it’s on Netflix so I am gonna give it a try.

El Elegido (Argentina) - adultery! masons! blah blah blah!!! It came recommended and I like the actors but frankly I know little about it.

El Zorro, la espada y la rosa - Zorro!!!! Mmmmmm!!!!

Gabriela (Brazil) - small 1920s town is shaken up by the arrival of Gabriela, a sultry and mesmerizing migrant and Mundinho Falcao, a young reformer. Surprisingly they do not hook up but have parallel stories and OTPs. Hooray. Based on one of my very favorite novels though only very very loosely.

La Dona (Mexico) - lady and her daughter fight for the same man. Okaaaaaay. But looks pretty!

La Esclava Isaura (Brazil) - yup, am gonna rewatch the 70s novela of my childhood about boring but virtuous white slave girl who finds happiness despite her evil master. The main heroine is blah but ahhhh the side stories! Ah, Henrique my love! 

La Gata (Mexico) - poor girl, rich boy. Oh, my girlcrush Maite Perroni, ILY!

La Mujer en el Espejo (Colombia) - ugly woman becomes pretty during the day thanks to a magic mirror (and back to ugly at night) but what happens when it breaks? This sound awesome!

La Passione (Brazil) - lady learns her husband gave away her kid. My fave plot trope, sorry!

La Tempestad (Mexico) - I am here for William Levy. The end. I am sure there is some sort of a plot but does it really matter?

La Traicion (Colombia) - two hot identical twins in the 1890s fall for the heroine. Pity that one is evil and will stop at nothing to separate her from her true love, the other twin. (Lady, why be picky? Either one looks like Mario Cimarro.) This sounds so bonkers I simply must. 

La Usurpadora (Mexico) - if I discovered I had an identical twin, I’d find better uses for that knowledge than to ask her to swap with me so she could put up with my husband, who is awesome, sexy and looks like Fernando Colunga. But what do I know?

Made in Cartagena (Colombia) - lady is ordered to seek revenge on awesome guy. Geeee, I wonder what will happen? Mainly to see Miguel de Miguel play a sweetheart as he was so repulsive and terrifying in La Esclava Blanca, I cannot imagine it.

Mas Sabe el Diablo (US) - the mob plus the male lead looks a lot like Aidan Turner and I am a shallow woman!

Milagros aka Mas Alla del Horizonte (Argentina) - set in 19th century, this has it all - evil families, star-crossed lovers (he is a white boy brought up by Indians! She is a well-off white lady!) etc etc etc! 

Montecristo (Argentina) - modern day count of monte cristo. Yum.

Morena Clara (Venezuela) - 1980s clothes and mullets (yes, one of the characters has a mullet!) terrify me but I am a sucker for star-crossed lovers and want to see Luis Jose Santander as an earnest romance hero after watching him steal the show as a charming scoundrel in Pasion. P.S. I am aware Morena Clara was made in 1994. Somehow it still has 80s hairdos and fashions.

O Clone (Brazil) - a woman is torn between her lover and his clone. Ummmmm. Solutions that come to mind are not suitable to family television.

Padre Coraje (Argentina) - yes, I am still watching this beast of a show! It’s almost 200 eps and I am on 135. Noble bandit pretends to be a priest to solve a crime, hooks up with the victim’s daughter, there are psychos and supernatural conspiracies.  if you ever wanted to see a reincarnation of Jesus nibble on a woman's neck and caress her legs, this is for you.   

Pasion (Mexico) - am on ep 70 of 95 now. Pirates, damsels, evil lords, costumes, wigs, multiple OTPs oh my. It’s not deep or realistic in any way, but sometimes I have a yet for a picaresque fluffy romance novel of a show.

Pasion de Gavilanes (Colombia) - it feels like I’ve been watching this for a decade because this is pretty and shippy but so slow I can literally hear grass grow as I watch.

Pasion y Poder (Mexico) - poor abused oppressed rich wife wants to leave her monster of a husband and reunite with her first love. Ooops, everyone in the audience apparently is bored to death by first love and evil husband steals the show. The fun is watching the poor writers trying to madly rewrite the story halfway through and turn supposedly evil husband into a misunderstood woobie. Eh, who am I kidding, I am here for Fenrando Colunga, 50 but still fiiine, going from villain to hero on the sheer force of his charisma.

Ramona (Mexico) - noble Indians and noble Spanish fight evil Americans in the 1840s. I am here for Eduardo Palomo in a loin cloth and also because I’ve never seen Kate del Castillo in anything. Secondary dude has an unfortunate 70s mustache but alas we can’t all be perfect.

Reina de Corazones (US) - Our heroine wakes up not remembering her marriage to a hot hot guy. I wish we all had such problems.

Resistire aka Siempre Julia (Argentina) - talk about married to the mob! Poor heroine unknowingly marries an evil mobster with a plan to take over the world. Luckily, one of his assistants (a) also wants out of the life (b) is madly in love with her. Witness protection and make outs ensue!

Rosario Tijeras (Colombia) - a mob hit woman gets involved with two different dudes and nothing good happens to anyone. I’d prefer the Mexican version but can’t find it anywhere with subs and this is on Netflix. 

Senora Acero (Mexico) - bring it on, cartel queen in love with a federal agent! On Netflix.

Sortilegio (Mexico) William Levy and his biceps star as an amnesiac who is told a lady is his wife but little does he know she was forced by his evil brother to pretend to be so to steal his cash. We all should have such luck!

Terra Esperanza aka Esperanca (Brazil) - true lovers are separated by a trip to Brazil where our “hero” (I use the term loosely) acquires another wife. Ooops, his first love is not dead and somehow sets to win her hapless, spineless but very hot man back. Good luck to you, lady!

Terra Nostra (Brazil) - lovers are separated by a trip to Brazil where our hero acquires another wife. I am noticing a theme here. Luckily, heroine also acquired a husband so reciprocal angst and misery for everyone.

Yago, Pasion Morena (Argentina) - villager x city lady. Here purely because of my Facundo Arana megacrush.

[nopainmadelaine-blog]

WANTED PLOTS !

listed below the cut are short descriptions of my characters and their existing relationships, along with connections i’d really really like to have with them.

Payton Lutz ( @princesspaytonlutz ) : Payton is my diva, my brittle-boned, hot-headed, who-do-you-think-you-are, treat-me-like-the-royalty-i-am princess who is bolder and more of a savage than she will appear at first glance. She’s “dating” the shitshow that is Malcolm Pitt ( @allaboutmalcolm ) and is INSANELY protective over their little couple-thing they got going on. long story short, don’t fuck with her/him and everything will be fine and dandy. 

Friends: Payton needs friends. She needs a girl to gossip with. She needs a bff. She needs to be close to someone she ISN’T dating *cough* mal *cough*

Enemy/Competition: Payton’s original enemy is now her boyfriend and all her other enemies have left serenity. She’s hot headed as fuck, shes bound to have more people dislike her/argue with her. i need this angst. thanks. 

Bad Influence: Pay needs an older, bad influence to guide her down the wrong path. She’s been going to well upstream lately and it’s SOO unlike her. She needs some dirt under her pretty nails, if you get what I’m saying. 

Abigail Winston ( @abbyslxve ): Abigail is a psychotic, obsessive un-diagnosed erotomaniac who is convinced her and a doctor, John Parris ( @doctorparris ), are madly in love and are one day going to run away together. She is currently pretending to have psychosis and harms herself in order to win John’s affection. She is borderline, clinically insane and she is just a big mess- let me tell you. 

Manipulants: I know that isn’t a word, get over it. Abigail lovessss to manipulate, and she needs a herd of loyal followers who she can bend to her every whim. She would get them to believe her act and blindly support her every move, that way if anyone attempts to make her look bad- she has her little squad to support her. 

Copy-Cat: Abigail very clearly doesn’t actually see spirits or anything she claims she does, it’s all just pretend- a big farce to win John’s pity and love. This character is who Abigail would “steal” symptoms from- so she would copy their visions, their reactions to visions, etc in order to make her act more believable.

Theodore Panitz ( @xrileyskeeper ): Theodore is my big, fluffy, teddy bear boy who is the older brother to the lowkey-but-also-highkey-sick-all-the-time Riley Panitz ( @riley-panitz ). Theodore is diagnosed with depression and self harm and is always super duper stressed about someone finding out. He claims his only reason for being here is for Riley but obviously that’s a load of BS. 

Love Interest: Theodore is a soft smol and is BOUND to lowkey develop a smol crush on someone/multiple someones. He’s just warm and fuzzy like that. Idk why I’m adding this to the list because I lowkey prefer natural plots that kinda GWTF when it comes to romance but :) Oh well! 

Bad Influence: Theodore is easy to manipulate because he’s just so soft and smol. He’s also stressed and sad about Riley soo oo o oo o o o oo o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o oo o oo o oo o o o o o o o o o o o o o o oo o oo o o oo o o o o o o o o

BFF: Theodore needs a best dude friend to just vent about his life and chick-problems too. Highkey gonna become the cutest brotp EVER.

Keegan Hughes ( @damnitkeegan ): Keegan is a pain in the ass, lowkey-narcissistic full-of-himself, thinks-he’s-the-shit security guard who i lowkey fucking hate. He is seriously the biggest piece of shit I have ever written as, doesn’t give a singular fuck about the kids and is more-so there to make himself look good. Why I still write as him is beyond me because all he does is make me angry but his faceclaim is hot so I guess I can suck it up.

Guilty-Pleasure: Someone Keegan uses over and over again in order to make himself feel good. He doesn’t really give a shit about them or why they are at Serenity- he just knows they make him feel g-r-e-a-t and that’s all that matters to his selfish, pea-sized brain. 

Pity-Party: Someone Keegan genuinely feels bad for and low-key makes him feel like an asshole for doing some of the shit he does. He’ll probably become like an older brother figure to whoever this is and will take on the role of being insanely protective of them. 

Soft-Hearted: Someone who makes Keegan all mushy and not selfish for like the few seconds he’s around them. He’ll most likely end up crushing on them super hard and it’ll totally be unlike him but he’ll get all stuttery and lost-for-words and ugh love bye.

Madelaine Carney ( @nopainmadelaine  ): Last but most certainly not least is my tomboy, my little angel who is filled with pain and sadness though she will never let it show, attempting to hide her feelings with optimism. She lost her brother in a car accident and cannot feel physical pain. She is desperately looking for friends and ways to escape the pain she /does/ feel emotionally and wishes there was a way she could physically feel- as she feels like its so overbearing to only feel things emotionally.  

(Most of the connections I want for Madelaine are on her blog, but I’ll list more descriptive ones here) 

A “New” Tobias: Someone to re-take on the big brother position that is now open. Madelaine is very heavily distraught by the loss of her best friend, and though no one can ever replace him, the effort will be appreciated and valued whole-heartedly. 

A Bad Influence: Madelaine is really vulnerable and therefore super duper manipulable. She needs someone to lead her to make all the wrong choices and handle her feelings all the wrong way because angst and pain amirite. 

BFF/Listener: Madelaine needs friends, which is a given, but she really needs someone who she can open up to and cry to and be 100% real with because right now she is just holding a lot of thigns inside. This doesn’t even have to be a paitnet, it can be a staff member like a therapist or something I just need emotional Scout asap. 

[afoolsingenuity]

Looking Forward // March 2017

Looking Forward is a feature where I get to take a look at the books I am most excited to be released each month. The books I cannot wait to start reading and want to remind you all about being released. It’s really a kind of torture because I am meant to be employing a spending ban and I can’t quite help but sneak a book into my basket when I do this post because I forger how many good books get released each month! This month’s collection is very YA heavy (when is it not?) and features a couple of my most anticipated reads.

The Song Rising (The Bone Season #3) – Samantha Shannon

Genre: Fantasy, Young Adult

Release Date: 7th March 2017

You’re Welcome, Universe – Whitney Gardner

Genre: Contemporary, Young Adult

Release Date: 7th March 2017

Following a bloody battle against foes on every side, Paige Mahoney has risen to the dangerous position of Underqueen, ruling over London's criminal population.

But, having turned her back on Jaxon Hall and with vengeful enemies still at large, the task of stabilizing the fractured underworld has never seemed so challenging.

Little does Paige know that her reign may be cut short by the introduction of Senshield, a deadly technology that spells doom for the clairvoyant community and the world as they know it . . .

A vibrant, edgy, fresh new YA voice for fans of More Happy Than Not and Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, packed with interior graffiti.

When Julia finds a slur about her best friend scrawled across the back of the Kingston School for the Deaf, she covers it up with a beautiful (albeit illegal) graffiti mural.

Her supposed best friend snitches, the principal expels her, and her two mothers set Julia up with a one-way ticket to a “mainstream” school in the suburbs, where she’s treated like an outcast as the only deaf student. The last thing she has left is her art, and not even Banksy himself could convince her to give that up.

Out in the ’burbs, Julia paints anywhere she can, eager to claim some turf of her own. But Julia soon learns that she might not be the only vandal in town. Someone is adding to her tags, making them better, showing off—and showing Julia up in the process. She expected her art might get painted over by cops. But she never imagined getting dragged into a full-blown graffiti war.

Told with wit and grit by debut author Whitney Gardner, who also provides gorgeous interior illustrations of Julia’s graffiti tags, You’re Welcome, Universe introduces audiences to a one-of-a-kind protagonist who is unabashedly herself no matter what life throws in her way.

Why Am I Excited?

I have been excited about this book since finishing The Mime Order when that was released. I mean, I have been excited about reading this series ever since I read The Bone Season. It’s just a really interesting fantasy series and one which I can see getting better and better with each book. I remember rolling my eyes at the 7 book series when it first was released but was intrigued like all the rest and I have to say I don’t regret buying that first book in the slightest, even if I am being forced to buy the special edition covers so my book collection will match.

Why Am I Excited?

I had never heard of this author or this book until there was a post at New Year on Pop Goes The Reader by Whitney Gardner and the artwork and the story was just perfect and I knew I wanted to read whatever she had written so hearing that she had this book coming out I knew I needed to get my hands on it. It was nothing to do with the fact it ticks all the diversity boxes (it does and I love that) but it was simply the fact that the author had such a unique voice and I wanted more so the fact she also writes books which are diverse and interesting is just a plus for me.

The Bone Witch – Rin Chupeco

Genre: Fantasy, Paranormal, Young Adult

Release Date: 7th March 2017

Queen of the Geeks – Jen Wilde

Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary

Release Date: 14th March 2017

The beast raged; it punctured the air with its spite. But the girl was fiercer.

Tea is different from the other witches in her family. Her gift for necromancy makes her a bone witch, who are feared and ostracized in the kingdom. For theirs is a powerful, elemental magic that can reach beyond the boundaries of the living—and of the human.

Great power comes at a price, forcing Tea to leave her homeland to train under the guidance of an older, wiser bone witch. There, Tea puts all of her energy into becoming an asha, learning to control her elemental magic and those beasts who will submit by no other force. And Tea must be strong—stronger than she even believes possible. Because war is brewing in the eight kingdoms, war that will threaten the sovereignty of her homeland…and threaten the very survival of those she loves.

When BFFs Charlie, Taylor and Jamie go to SupaCon, they know it’s going to be a blast. What they don’t expect is for it to change their lives forever.

Charlie likes to stand out. SupaCon is her chance to show fans she’s over her public breakup with co-star, Jason Ryan. When Alyssa Huntington arrives as a surprise guest, it seems Charlie’s long-time crush on her isn’t as one-sided as she thought.

While Charlie dodges questions about her personal life, Taylor starts asking questions about her own.

Taylor likes to blend in. Her brain is wired differently, making her fear change. And there’s one thing in her life she knows will never change: her friendship with Jamie—no matter how much she may secretly want it to. But when she hears about the Queen Firestone SupaFan Contest, she starts to rethink her rules on playing it safe.

Why Am I Excited?

I’m pretty sure I saw the cover and then the word witches in the summary and decided it was a must read for me. Thankfully, when I went back and read the summary in full I knew it sounded like a good book, but the cover was mostly to blame.

Why Am I Excited?

It’s another case of the cover getting me first, I mean pink hair! It’s little things like that which get me. The book itself totally feeds into the fangirl in me though, it’s another book set at a convention (I need to read Unconventional!) and it just makes me want to read. I’ve not heard much about it yet but I hope to read it at some point this year.

Madly (New York #2) – Ruthie Knox

Genre: Romance, Contemporary

Release Date: 14th March 2017

Strange the Dreamer (Strange the Dreamer #1) – Laini Taylor

Genre: Fantasy, Young Adult

Release Date: 28th March 2017

An impulsive trip to New York City, a heartthrob from London, and a scandalous to-do list turn a small-town girl’s life upside down in this sultry romance from the New York Times bestselling author of Truly and About Last Night.

Allie Fredericks isn’t supposed to be in Manhattan, hiding in the darkest corner of a hip bar, spying on her own mother—who’s flirting with a man who’s definitely not Allie’s father. Allie’s supposed to be in Wisconsin, planning her parents’ milestone anniversary party. Then Winston Chamberlain walks through the door, with his tailored suit, British accent, and gorgeous eyes, and Allie’s strange mission goes truly sideways.

Winston doesn’t do messy. But after a pretty stranger ropes him into her ridiculous family drama with a fake kiss that gets a little too real, he finds out that messy can be fun. Maybe even a little addicting. And as the night grows longer, Allie and Winston make a list of other wild things they could do together—and what seems like a mismatch leads to a genuine connection. But can their relationship survive as their real lives implode just outside the bedroom door?

A new epic fantasy by National Book Award finalist and New York Times bestselling author Laini Taylor of the Daughter of Smoke & Bone trilogy.

The dream chooses the dreamer, not the other way around— and Lazlo Strange, war orphan and junior librarian, has always feared that his dream chose poorly. Since he was five years old he's been obsessed with the mythic lost city of Weep, but it would take someone bolder than he to cross half the world in search of it. Then a stunning opportunity presents itself, in the person of a hero called the Godslayer and a band of legendary warriors, and he has to seize his chance to lose his dream forever.

What happened in Weep two hundred years ago to cut it off from the rest of the world? What exactly did the Godslayer slay that went by the name of god? And what is the mysterious problem he now seeks help in solving?

The answers await in Weep, but so do more mysteries—including the blue-skinned goddess who appears in Lazlo's dreams. How did he dream her before he knew she existed? and if all the gods are dead, why does she seem so real?

In this sweeping and breathtaking new novel by National Book Award finalist Laini Taylor, author of the New York Times bestselling Daughter of Smoke & Bone trilogy, the shadow of the past is as real as the ghosts who haunt the citadel of murdered gods. Fall into a mythical world of dread and wonder, moths and nightmares, love and carnage. Welcome to Weep.

Why Am I Excited?

I wanted to read this because of Nick (like so many of my books) but I wanted to read even more after I bought Truly after realising this wasn’t out yet! Truly was a fantastic romance read. It was perfect for me at the moment of reading and is a book I could see myself reading again. I really liked the characters and the story and the setting and so I’m thrilled to read about another of the characters in this book. I have pre-ordered and I will hopefully read not long after it’s release.

Why Am I Excited?

I was a massive fan of Taylor’s Daughter of Smoke and Bone series (why have I not reread that lately?) and have been waiting something new from her for so long. It may be one of my most anticipated reads of the year and so I cannot wait for it to be out at the end of the month. I have my copy pre-ordered I will happily take the day off of work to read this. I need it in my life ASAP.

We all have books we look forward to, what are your most anticipated reads of March? Are there any I’m missing or have you been lucky enough to read any of these already and want to convince me to buy?

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[mystorieasj]

Everyone knows the feeling of the first day of school at a new school and in a new class.

Well mine went a bit different.

Since the only person who seemed to like me -and whom I knew - was Julia, I urgently wanted to be in the same class with her.

Unfortunately we weren’t. So I asked to change class and got in a new class again.

In the former class I’ve only knew some faces by sight.

But then I knew some more who were in class with me before. Some that were the silent ones, my bff and badly one girl that absolutely didn’t like me at all.

You can imagine it pretty much went the same way but let me tell more way down than before because now puberty came along.

So firstly all the boys started bullying, harassing, searching for the weakest one and any difference they could find. Some even spat on my art project which actually got graded worse because of that spat spot.

At least there was no act of violence no more you could say.. huh

But those words hurted even more and especially in that time we are that sensitive.

I’ve heard them bitching about me, some said it in my face some thought those things but I saw it when they looked at me and the way they plied me, others only cold-shouldered me.

Since in this school type class changes after 2 years I‘ve really hoped for mates who like me and get along with me.. just respectfully in peace. I thought this couldn’t be too much to ask for. At a point I didn’t even wanted to be liked. The most meaningful thing to me was that they just could accept me and let me the hell be who I am. Well.. never happended.

Also after that I wasn’t in class with Julia anymore. The first year I tried to always visit her and keep the contact like it was but in the end she made more new friends and started excluding me. She became a whole new person .. a worse one. At some point I couldn’t get along with that anymore and ended this friendship for my best.

In my new class it went on like before just worse.. The most annoying were the ones who showed public disrespect. Things like shouting my name in connection with insults from the second level out of the window while I and the rest of the school were entering it. Well that pretty much embarrassed me. This went on a few weeks..

All this shit came together not that this was enough in that time my family had a few crises.

So everywhere was pressure and stress. Especially at birthdays. So I actually like the idea of birthdays.. but just not in my family.

Everyone was edgy and on my 10th bday I‘ve gotten madly frustrated. I invited like 15 kids got a few rejections my bff back then assured and all the others didn’t give any answer. On my birthday I sat there and waited.. I‘ve waited and no one came.. I‘ve called my bff she actually forgot about my birthday but came an hour later. She was the only person besides my family I spent that day with.

I didn’t tell my mom, my whole family or my teachers about the things that I was going thru. I felt no one would understand.

I wanted to talk to people that experienced the same and can tell me how to get out of this.

I made a good friend who is a very shy girl but so lovely she stayed with me ever since. Another friend who was the coolest girl then but also a bit sluty brought me out of that black hole. Through her I made other friends and started going out more often.

But I tried that hard to find what’s wrong with me.. tried more and more to find out how they wanted me to be with the clear mind not to forget who I am!

Well this was the longest process in my whole life .. creating the me others can get along.

I think it still isn’t over.

[flatheadfilms-blog]

Lady Bird

Lady Bird captures the wonderful and horrible things about teenage girls. Being one, knowing one and raising one.

I am not implying that teenage girls are horrible or that teenage boys are better than girls. Boy and girls are both amazing and terrible. But since I was once and teenage girl and still very often feel like I one, I think I can appreciate the experience from a position of certain expertise. A place of deep appreciation and frustration and awe.

One thing I adore about Lady Bird is that while we as the audience can feel angry with Lady Bird or embarrassed by some of her less admirable choices, she never does. That is part of what makes it feel real. If we ever feel ashamed of our actions or want to take back some crazy ass thing we said, it's never at the time we say or do it. It years later when something triggers that memory and we recede emotionally back to that place, that age, and want to take it all back.

Saoirse Ronan inhabits Lady Bird perfectly - with the help of the hair, makeup and wardrobe departments. Combined with spot on writing by Greta Getwig this character comes to life in a very special way. Ronan is a very talented actress, so that's no surprise, but it's still refreshing. I was reminded of last year's Edge of Seventeen and was thinking of how unreal, cartoony and made by adults it felt. Hailee Steinfeld is also a very talented actress but something about the combination of elements in that movie prevented her character and performance from feeling authentic.

I don't know anything about Greta Gerwig's upbringing so I don't know if Lady Bird is autobiographical but I certainly left the film feeling like Gerwig had shared her own story with us. I kind of hope that it wasn't anything like her real upbringing because it would be an even stronger testament to the strength of her storytelling. Either way she did a fantastic job and I can't wait to see her future writing and directing work.

I really loved both of Lady Bird's love interests. I think part of my appreciation for them derives from the fact that I also fell "madly in love" with guys just like that when I was her age. However, I think these kinds of guys are the guys that all teen girls swoon over, which is what makes them so relatable. I mean what girl hasn't fallen in love with a gay guy? Or a pretentious guy who makes you feel like you didn't know anything about life until you met them? And both actors, especially Lucas Hedges, are very good. In fact there wasn't a bad performance in the film. Everyone felt real and living their own purpose.

Lady Bird's BFF, Jules, is wonderful and Beanie Feldstein plays her role perfectly.

Of course I loved the whole Sacramento/Davis setting. I've never wanted a character to not go to their dream school before! I kept hoping she'd end up at Davis. I'm sure she would have liked it.

Similar to The Florida Project, I felt restless at times while watching the movie. Especially when I felt like the ending dragged on and didn't tie up quite fast and clean enough. However, both films stayed with me after. Continuing to reveal themselves long after the credits rolled and I was on to some new activity. Which inspires me and reminds me that all the answers don't have to come in a neat box that's handed to you during the third act of a movie. In fact, both films felt like they offered me a piece of life that was authentic, revealing and somehow more real than "real life". Sometimes it isn't sensational until you look back. Feeling exhilarated, ashamed, regretful and sentimental for all those things that made you who you are today.