#I just want to self harm the affected area right now

[beeapartments]

I talked to my therapist last night about this physical issue (muscle twitches) and she kind of breezed over it in favor of talking about my work issues. I feel utterly alone in my sensory issues with body malfunctions (my mom keeps telling me that activities will distract me but they never really do).

Medication hasn’t been able to help either because it keeps either triggering my health anxiety itself with the side effects, or I get anxiety from my past Zoloft experience. The only really effective medication I’ve had so far isn’t long term useable (benzos) Feels like I’m never going to find something that helps me conquer this issue.

[jjbalice]

Martyr's Folly

Summary: Yunho helps and comforts the reader after they've accidentally cut too deep.

Genre: a hurt/comfort Yunho x reader oneshot

Word count: 4.81k (15-20 mins)

Trigger warnings: semi-descriptive self-harm (blood, cuts, use of blades - nothing too crazy, though, don't worry!), panicking, crying, mentions of relapsing, lots of pet names, nicknames, and physical affection lol, Yunho is a blessing

A/N: This fic is pretty personal since I've been struggling with not feeling valid enough because of the way I SH, which isn't the stereotypical kind you see in movies and such. In a way, it's an attempt at scaring myself from buying any actual blades mixed in with the comfort I crave whenever I slip up, I guess.

Baby cuts. Cat scratches. Damage dealt within the epidermis and the higher half of the dermis. Whatever you want to call it.

For a few weeks now, that's exactly what has been slowly but steadily appearing on your feet and lower calves. Or re-appearing, rather. A bad habit from the past coming back to haunt you all over again for no apparent reason.

No but seriously, what reason for doing this is there? You're happy, you have a stable part-time job on the side of your studies that are also going great, and an incredible boyfriend with whom you've just celebrated a 6-month anniversary. No real issues in your life as far as you can see.

Sure, sometimes you get caught up in a fight with your friends or parents, or even with Yunho, or maybe some of your insecurities hit extra strong on some days. But all of that is normal, right? Just some passing obstacles that get resolved in a few days tops.

So why are you here, at 3 am, staring at the husk of a person in the mirror? Why is your head so empty yet incomprehensibly full at the same time? Why are your hands all fidgety, getting ready to strike any moment?

Truth be told, you have no clue.

This was supposed to be a lovely weekend for you. You got off work early on Friday, securing enough time to pack your stuff at your dorm before heading to Yunho's apartment for a sleepover. He's been trying to convince you to move in with him after your anniversary, saying how it would be both cheaper and closer to your university. Both of those arguments are true, and yet you remain stubborn, wanting to keep your independence for just a bit longer.

Alas, Yunho has no choice but to respect your decision and settle for weekend sleepovers in the meantime.

And even those are great! The two of you get to talk for hours and play games, cook dinner together or order in and watch TV... Mainly, though, you get to cuddle and snuggle to your hearts' content (and maybe even do a bit more than that, if the opportunity and want arises).

That's also one of the main reasons for your hesitance over this whole... relapse thing.

Because of Yunho and his affectionate nature towards you, hiding the traces of your renewed habits became much more difficult. You couldn't cut where you used to before, all of those areas feeling way too exposed now.

And so, you settled on the bottom of your legs. Anything a pair of longer socks could easily hide without too much questioning from your boyfriend. Let's just say your feet are cold all the time now, even though summer's just barely starting to end.

Is it satisfying to harm there? No, not at all. The area is too small and angular, and the pain-to-mark ratio is nowhere near optimal. Everything feels too bony and stings more than other places, and all you get from it are the faintest of scratches.

But anything to at least partially quell the urge, right?

Well, not exactly.

If the razor blade hidden within the confines of your duffel bag was any proof, your methods weren't exactly effective.

You've never used an actual razor blade before, never even planned on trying it since you knew about the dangers of using it and how everything could get out of hand within seconds. Sure, the scissors and other sharp objects you've used until now weren't exactly perfect either, but they didn't put you at as much of a risk of going to the ER.

...So why did you buy the blade then?

Well, it was pretty cheap, first of all. You could just buy it, think about using it, and then throw it out without feeling too guilty about it, right? Not to mention how it helped you feel more valid about harming, even if you haven't used it yet. Self-harm is always depicted as razor blades on wrists, so even just owning one somehow helped you feel a bit more valid amidst the disappointing scratches on your leg.

It's been a week since you've bought said blade (or 5 blades rather, as they came in a pack - what a steal!). During that week, not much has happened to it. Right after you paid and got your receipt, you tossed the paper into a nearby trash can and stashed the pack of blades into your wallet. And there they were even later tonight, as you quietly crept to your bag to retrieve them, careful not to wake Yunho up.

But let's rewind back a bit. Back to where today's misfortune started.

Just like with everything else lately, you don't know why the urge to indulge washed over you specifically tonight. You and Yunho have spent such a fun evening together, lounging around and enjoying each other in whatever way felt right.

And yet, the moment the lights were turned off and your boyfriend spooned you from behind, holding you close while his breathing slowly evened out, it was as if something had shifted in the air. An overwhelming sense of emptiness washed over you, making you feel both completely dull and overstimulated. Yunho's arms around you felt both like an anchor and a vice, the opposing feelings adding even more to the already rising chaos in your mind. You were suddenly overly aware of every part of your body, as if your own skin was calling out to you.

You didn't want to.

You knew you had to.

As gently and quietly as you could, you unwrapped yourself from Yunho's embrace and got up. He let out a soft sigh at the loss of contact, and you had to admit, you already mourned it too.

Sneaking into the bathroom, you closed the door before turning on the lights. Avoiding the reflection in the mirror, you began searching through the cabinet under the sink. You didn't want to see yourself right now. If anything, it would just add to the confusing conflict raging within you, and you really didn't need that.

Rummaging through each shelf one more time, you let out a frustrated huff. There was nothing you could use. Well, save for the expensive-looking razor Yunho owned, but you really didn't have the patience or coherency to take apart your boyfriend's belongings.

It's time, then.

The return to the bedroom was a bit stressful, as you couldn't decide between searching through your duffel bag there or bringing it with you to the bathroom. Both options seemed too noisy right now, causing you to awkwardly loom over the bag for a few moments, chewing nervously on your bottom lip.

In the end, you decided to just risk it, crouching down to begin unzipping the top. Strangely enough, you kind of hoped Yunho would hear it and wake up. Maybe the shock of being caught would stop you for the time being and you could just go back to bed.

To both your luck and dismay, Yunho didn't wake up, his biggest reaction being the slightest stir of the sheets.

With your wallet in hand, you walked back to the bathroom, your steps a bit bolder this time. Now that you knew Yunho wouldn't wake up so easily, you didn't pay as much mind to the noise you were making.

In a weird way, you were upset. Upset he didn't wake up. Upset he didn't magically realize what your new obsession with socks could possibly mean. Upset he wasn't there to stop you right now.

But along with the upset came a strange feeling of calm. Joy, even.

He doesn't know. Nobody has any idea you're doing this right now. Nobody cares enough to find out anyway. You're free to reign over your body as you please, especially if it will finally shut down the confusing mess of emotions boiling within you.

It will, right?

It's 3 am. You're staying over at Yunho's apartment and he's currently sleeping in the bedroom next-door. You finally gather enough courage to look at yourself in the mirror, but it's rather disappointing. The shell standing in front of you doesn't bring up any emotions anymore. It doesn't even look like you, you think. Maybe this isn't you, after all. That's what you like to tell yourself whenever the moment is over, that this isn't actually the real you harming yourself. This is someone else taking hold of you and your upcoming actions.

You sit down on the cold bathroom floor, a razor blade in hand. When did you unpack them? The small paper packaging and 4 other blades are lying right next to you. Huh. Guess you did just now.

You don't bother taking off the socks. A precious thing like this shouldn't be used in such a shitty spot anyways.

Then again, you also don't exactly want to die right now, so the wrists are off-limits. Sure, you want to feel more valid and that place is the most stereotypical one to cut, but you're already holding the blade you thought you'd never dare use, so that's enough "progress" for now.

Now that you think about it, the thighs sound pretty scary too. You've always heard of some major arteries being located in the thigh. Perhaps you shouldn't risk it there then. Not yet, at least.

And so, like a coward, you move back to your lower leg.

To your defense, you do go considerably higher than usual! You pick a nice spot that's vaguely in the middle of the side of your leg, where your shins and calves would meet.

Deep breaths. You can do this. Just brace yourself and-

...

...

Oh fuck.

No, no, no nonono-

You knew the risks, you knew you should watch out for the pressure when using a razor blade for the first time since it's so much sharper than any pair of scissors you own, but somehow even the lessened pressure you put was too much.

Within seconds, blood started flowing to the surface. You dropped the blade, making it fly in a random direction as your hands trembled.

Your eyes welled with tears as, despite the blood, you could see a gash way deeper than any cut you'd ever made until now; you could literally see two parts of your skin split-

You're gonna throw up. Or faint. Or both. Oh fuck.

The first drops of blood fell onto the tiles just as your own tears pooled over. Your chest heaved with your labored breathing. You didn't know what to do.

Should you go to the ER? Will it stop on its own? Should you wake Yunho up? Oh god, you should probably wake Yunho up, shouldn't you.

Wiping your tear-stained face as best as you could with your shirt, you crawled over to the bathroom door. You were too scared to walk, afraid you'd faint if you stood up so suddenly.

As you sat by the door, another sob wracked through you. You couldn't calm down, you were too scared of what might happen if you didn't take care of the gash in time. And yet, you couldn't help but fear what might happen if you woke Yunho up. Now that you think about it, maybe it will just stop on its own and you can hide it for the rest of the weekend and then you'll just make up a story of how you got into an accident at work and-

One look at the trail of blood behind you was enough to get your hands on the door handle, pulling the door open on your second try. The door handle flew back up with a loud bang as you dropped back down, but the door was open at last. You pulled it fully open from where you sat, taking a few shallow breaths once you did so.

"...Y/N?"

Now. Now he wakes up. Not at any point before you could have done this. Now.

In the back of your mind, a strange feeling of anger bubbled up. Somehow, you wanted to blame Yunho for not getting to you sooner. But the second you realized what your brain was trying to do, you felt another pang of nausea hit you.

Yunho was not to blame in the slightest. This is all you. You started this, you went through with it, and now you're crawling back to him for help. Don't even try to put any blame on him, no matter how much easier it would make this whole thing to stomach.

"Y/N, are you okay?"

Right, he was awake. The shuffling of the sheets coming from the bedroom confirmed as much.

You tried to call out to him but choked on another sob instead.

All of your fear of being seriously hurt and needing help immediately shifted, transforming into the most heart-wrenching wave of guilt imaginable. Just what have you done? Why are you burdening someone else with this? Are you really going to make him see this?

Your thoughts were quickly interrupted by the first footstep. All the raging panic hit you anew, making you speak before you could think.

"W-wait!" You cried, an unknown feeling of desperation clutching your chest. "Please, please don't come here, please."

To your surprise, the footsteps actually stopped.

"...I'm waiting, but please tell me what's going on," Yunho replied with obvious unease.

Well, uh. You haven't exactly thought this far, have you?

"O-okay, I, well, I," you stumbled over your words, trying to work through the mush of your brain to come up with anything even barely comprehensible. "I did something really bad and I think I need your help but you have to promise not to be mad. I don't know what to do but please don't be upset."

Selfish. That's what you were. Even amongst all this chaos and pain you were about to drag Yunho into, all you could think about was saving your own face and evading consequences.

"Y/N, I'm sorry but I'm coming in," Yunho suddenly announced, and the footsteps resumed. "I need to see if you're okay, I promise I won't be mad."

There was no escaping it now. You could only brace yourself for the worst, whatever that would entail.

Two feet stood before your hunched-over form. You didn't dare look up, you didn't dare see what he was feeling.

As carefully as he could, Yunho stepped around you and further into the bathroom. You heard the scraping of metal across tiles before the cabinet doors opened. A towel, a first aid kit, and a medium-sized, colorful box appeared before you, along with your boyfriend in his cozy pajamas. Still, you didn't dare look up.

Wordlessly, he propped your injured leg up as gently as he could, as if he was handling the finest china in the world. Placing the dark grey towel under it, blood immediately rolled down and seeped into the material.

"Okay, this might seem a bit weird, but just- I'm not an expert or anything, far from it, really, but-"

As Yunho rambled nervously, you watched his hands tear open a pack of pads. Ever since your sleepovers became a more regular thing, he'd made sure to keep some in his apartment at all times in case of an emergency. Never had he thought he'd use them in this type of emergency, though.

You watched in confusion as he pulled out one of the pads, opening it and double-checking which side was sticky and which was dry. Unable to hide his worried grimace as he got closer to the wound, he pressed the cotton pad against it.

"I- I probably have something better in the first aid kit to stop the bleeding, but while I look through it, just hold that down to the cut, okay?"

You nodded weakly, deciding not to ask any questions and just let your boyfriend try to fix you. Not that you could say much anyway, not with the way your throat had dried and closed up from all the anxiety.

You silently kept watch as Yunho fumbled through the red bag, noticing the slight tremors in his hands. When you looked at his face, however, it appeared surprisingly neutral.

Ah, so he was trying to stay calm to not worry you any further, but on the inside, he was freaking out just as much as you, if not more. Great. You didn't think you could feel more guilt than you already had, but guess not.

"I'm sorry it's taking so long," he spoke up again, "Mingi would get injured all the time before he'd moved out - you know how clumsy he can get - and I, uh, haven't exactly taken the time to re-organize everything. Sorry."

Your lips twitched into the smallest of smiles, along with a hushed "It's okay, babe".

Yunho's eyes shot up at your words, mirroring your soft smile with his own. Pausing his search for just a second, he leaned over and planted a quick, reassuring kiss on your forehead. "You're right. I'll take good care of you, don't worry. After the first accident Mingi had here, I bought some steri-strips... They should still be around here somewhere, but we threw the original packaging away, so they're just a bit hard to find."

You hummed in understanding, hoping you could ease at least some of his worries by showing him you were doing alright.

Somehow, the moment Yunho appeared in the doorway, all of your previous panic stopped. It was as if through his presence, the jumbled mess of worries surrounding you had split into two. Yunho had graciously shouldered the worries about your physical state, while you focused on keeping his mental well-being in check. All of the fear about his reaction to this situation as a whole was still there, of course, but for the time being, you'd managed to shove them to the back of your mind. It was something to worry about later, when the two of you could calm down and properly talk to each other.

For now, all you had to do was just worry about Yunho while he worried about you.

"Finally!" Yunho sighed in relief, fishing out two small packs of steri-strips. "Okay. Let's do this, then."

But as he shuffled closer to your leg again, he paused.

"Wait, I'm sorry for assuming," he began while opening the first set, "but you don't want to go to the hospital, right? They'd obviously do a much better job than me, but since you said you needed my help, I just, I guessed that- you know. Should we go to the hospital instead?"

You immediately shook your head no, making Yunho smile faintly, glad to have read you right and that he wasn't wasting time trying to play hero.

You were thankful he didn't insist on taking you to the hospital. You knew it would probably be for the best, but right now, in your state, you couldn't even fathom going. You were terrified just crawling to the door to beg for Yunho's help, let alone driving to the opposite part of town to have complete strangers examine you.

"Right then," Yunho sighed, mentally steeling himself for the next step. "Can you feel your leg fine? Feeling faint or anything?"

You just shook your head, slowly easing the pressure you held on the cut. "I'm okay, I think. Just a little shaken up still."

Yunho nodded thoughtfully, helping you unstick the bloody pad from your hand. Luckily, it seemed that most of the bleeding had stopped, at least for now. "It's okay, I'm a bit out of it too."

"Sorry for making you do this," you whispered sincerely, but Yunho quickly stopped you again.

"Don't be sorry, Y/N. I know you didn't mean to do this. You wouldn't have called for me like that if things went down the way you wanted them to."

You couldn't bring yourself to say anything after that, feeling your throat tighten as a fresh wave of tears rushed to your eyes.

You averted your gaze as Yunho began cleaning the area as gently as he could before placing the strips down, helping hold the wound shut. Four strips helped the cut close up, and then two were laid on top of them to help everything stay put. Despite no professional medical training, you swear your boyfriend could do anything like an expert first-try. Well, considering him saying something about treating Mingi's injuries, he might have actually trained a bit already. Either way, you could feel your nerves easing a considerable bit at the sight of the gash finally closed-up.

"There we go," Yunho said contently, giving your other leg a gentle pat. "Just stay put a little longer, okay? I'm gonna clean up a bit in here."

Oh, that's right.

You were so out of it you completely forgot about the blades scattered around, the blood dripping across the floor, the towel, pads, first aid kit, everything.

Closing your eyes, you tried to focus on your breathing. It has mostly returned to normal, but you could still feel a lot of tightness in your chest.

"Hey now, don't go falling asleep on me, okay?" You heard Yunho calling out to you a few meters away, making you peek one eye open.

He was kneeling by the sink, scrubbing at the dirty tiles. When he noticed you looking at him, he flashed you a quick, comforting smile.

"'m not falling asleep," you protested, "I'm just resting a bit, sorry."

"It's okay, I was just a little worried."

Yeah. That's definitely one way to put how Yunho was likely feeling right now.

But that could be dwelled on and discussed later. For now, all you had to do was sit still, breathe deep, and stay strong.

...

"You still with me, princess?"

You opened your eyes again, this time to find Yunho sitting in front of you. You don't know how much time has passed, too focused on pacing your breaths, saying the alphabet forwards and backwards, thinking about your favorite TV show moments - anything to calm down, really.

When he saw you were still fully awake, he pulled out a gauze bandage with a small smile. "We should be fine with just the steri-strips, but let me wrap this up for you to be one hundred percent safe, okay?"

You let him do as he pleased, trusting his judgment better than your own at the moment. As he bandaged your leg, you looked around the room, noticing everything was back the way it was before you'd entered.

"I put the, uh, the blades away for now," Yunho continued, a nervous edge to his tone. "I didn't want to just throw them away without permission, but leaving them out here in the open didn't seem like a great idea either. Sorry if it seems distrustful, it's just... you know."

"You're scared I might do it again," you finished for him, making him nod hesitantly. "It's okay, I get it."

It was honestly surprising how easy it was to talk to Yunho about this. Maybe it's because he already saw the worst of it, maybe it was the way he took such gentle care of you, or maybe it was just his entire attitude about this so far. Caring, non-judgemental, open to listen.

"Alright then, I think we're done here. Let's get you to bed, shall we?"

Before you could respond, you were picked up by a pair of strong, warm hands. You wanted to object for a split second, but on second thought, maybe it was in your best interest not to move too much right now.

A few moments later, you were laid back down on the bed, a soft kiss pressed to your temple before you were shrouded in your blanket. With a whispered promise of returning again, Yunho rushed back to turn off the lights and close the door, enveloping the two of you in darkness. You waited a second, two, and then the bed dipped behind you with a quiet creak.

"Come here." Yunho's arms wrapped around your waist from behind again, holding you closer than before. "Is this okay? Should I give you space?"

"It's fine, Yuyu."

His chest shook with a small chuckle. "Oh come on, don't call me that right now." He somehow snuggled up even closer to you, pressing his face into your neck. "I'm already emotional enough as is."

A beat or two of silence passed between the two of you before he spoke up again.

"Was this," Yunho paused, hesitating for a second, "was this the first time you did something like this, or are there... more?"

You sighed. "Well, this was the first time I've messed up like this and used an actual razor blade, but in general? There's been a few instances, yeah. Most of them happened years ago, but lately, it started up again."

Yunho stayed quiet this time. As the silence stretched on, you began to grow worried. Is this the moment where he gets mad at you?

A sniffle broke through the air, quickly followed by another. The hold around your waist tightened.

"It's the socks, isn't it?" Yunho barely choked out, voice trembling.

Never have you felt so guilty in your life before.

"I thought it was weird, I wanted to ask you about it, I really did," he sobbed, burying his wet face further into your shirt. "I didn't want to make you feel bad about it if it was genuinely just something you preferred, so I held back, but it worried me anyway. I should have asked so much sooner."

"Yu..." You tried to turn around in his embrace, but he stopped you, not letting you see his tearful eyes. "Honey, it's not your fault in the slightest, please don't beat yourself up about it."

"But I should have-"

"Just listen to the same advice you gave me, hm? You never wanted this to happen, you wouldn't be so torn up about it otherwise. It's really not your fault."

With what you assumed to be a watery hum of agreement, Yunho nodded into your back.

You tried to turn around again, and this time, Yunho finally let you. You watched as his silhouette sat up, reaching around for the tissue box on the nightstand before wiping his tears and blowing his nose.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, crumpling the tissue and putting it away, "you're the one hurting and I'm making it all about myself."

You tutted softly as he laid back down, shuffling closer to him to drape yourself over his broad chest. "That's not true, Yun. I know this is really hard on you as well, you have all the right to be upset. Please don't hide it just because I'm also in pain."

"Okay," he accepted, taking a deep breath to calm himself.

The room stayed quiet for another few minutes, save for the faint rustling of the sheets as you intertwined one of your hands with his.

"If it's okay," Yunho croaked in a careful, ginger tone, "could we maybe talk more about this tomorrow? I feel like I have over a million questions right now, but I don't want to overwhelm you when you should be resting."

You let out a small, sleepy chuckle. "Yeah, that sounds good. I think I'll also feel a bit better if we talk about this some more tomorrow. It's a bit embarrassing even now when I know that you know, but I trust you enough to share this part of me, I think."

Yunho leaned down to kiss the top of your head, making you smile. "Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me. And please, never feel embarrassed about this. Just because this stuff is not talked about enough doesn't mean your feelings are wrong or not valid. We'll figure this out together, I promise. No matter what it takes."

"Okay. I look forward to tomorrow," you said, pressing a quick peck to his sternum before lying down again. "Goodnight, Yuyu."

"Goodnight, love."

Please, don't hesitate to reblog or comment!! Any kind of feedback is much appreciated!! <333

(Also would once again like to say that this was not meant to romanticize SH in any way, and I hope it did not come across that way. Take care, everyone <3)

[southangel]

Heyo!

I don't know if you write about familiar stuff (I guess it counts as a platonic topic), but if you do, can I request the Broship as single fathers and what it would be like to be their kid? How would each of them handle being a single parent?

Cheers!

Main 4 Being their kid

Warnings: mentions of drinking/drugs

Notes: No gender mentioned, so gender-neutral by default. This was a little time-consuming to write, luckily I had a lot of free time today! Ran out of ideas for Cartman though.

Stan Marsh

As we’ve already seen from Post Covid, Stan is in some ways similar and different from his childlike self.

Having a child is stressful enough, but being a single parent on top of it just adds more to the cake.

As much as he cares and wants to raise you correctly, he’s terrified of becoming like his father.

Randy was never a good dad, and it affected Stan mentally where he almost considered never wanting children.

I see Stan as more protective than he was as a kid. He doesn’t want anything harmful to happen to you like what happened to him, so he tries to shield you from it in a way that isn’t incredibly overbearing.

He wants the best for you, and he wants you to be happy in life. Stan often tries to keep a balance when taking care of you, trying to raise you to be respectful and have the best personality in all the right areas.

Stan would be the kind of father to play his guitar for you until you fall asleep, or even introduce and influence you to pick up your own instrument.

Sometimes the stress and negative thoughts catch up with him, he doesn’t feel like he’s a good father and he feels as if he’s slowly becoming Randy.

He turns to his old childlike habits, drinking and mentally losing himself without even noticing, it’s by instinct.

Stan doesn’t want to be like this, and he doesn’t want to you to see him like this, especially when you’re still young.

Once you get older, it’s when you see Stan like this that you realize maybe he’s the one needing comfort.

Stan doesn’t necessarily ever want you to meet his friends, Kyle is an exception.

He thinks their bad influences, and he only wants the best for you! Besides, if Kyle has a kid as well, then maybe you could both hangout together.

He tries to let you be as carefree as possible, letting you do as you wish as you grow older.

Stan doesn’t want to seem like a typical adult once you start considering love interests, but he just doesn’t want you to get your heart broken.

It’s happened to him, multiple times.

He just wants to prepare you and make sure that you’re absolutely sure on what you’re doing in this stage of your life.

You’re the reason Stan keeps going, and he wants to be the best dad he ever can.

“Oh, what happened to your Grandpa? Let’s talk about something else..”

Kyle Broflovski

Kyle is definitely a hot topic, as I personally see him as the best dad out of the Main 4, single or not.

I see him as very fatherly, or more family oriented than the rest. It makes sense when you see how he takes care of Ike.

Kyle has never really been one with romantic luck, and I guess it carried on in his adulthood since now he’s a single father with you as his child.

The first thing that i’ll say is that Kyle wants the best for you. His parents wanted the best for him, and look where he is now.

He wants you to be the best, getting top scores and grades on all your assignments and work.

At some point it feels overbearing even.. Constant pushing and pressuring to be the best, how long until you can’t handle it.

Eventually Kyle tries to let you be, but reassures you that he’s only like this because he wants the best for you, you’re his kid!

You know he wants the best for you, and that he only means well..

I see Kyle as the most protective out of the Main 4, but that doesn’t mean he’s intense with it.

He just wants to make sure you aren’t in any trouble or harm, and he wants to help you if you are.

Kyle wants to support you in all of your hobbies and dreams, no matter what they are.

Even after countless years, Kyle still has dreams or thoughts of Cartman coming back to somehow screw with him again, this time being with you.

Part of this is why he never wants to introduce you to his friends just like Stan, but he is partially open to Stan..

Since it was confirmed in Post Covid that Kyle became a counselor, I believe that he would be perfect at comforting you with any troubles or worries you could have ever had.

If you ever have problems or troubles, who else can you really tell other than him? He’s your dad after all, he understands.

Once you start exploring and finding love interests, he wants to support you with it as much as he possibly can.

Kyle never had much luck in romance his entire life, so he wants you to have a different fate.

He hopes you can be happy in life, all he wants is to satisfy you in this lifetime.

Even with all this, Kyle genuinely really cares about you, and he’ll always love you no matter what you decide to do with your life.

“What’s wrong? You know you can always talk to me.”

Kenny Mccormick

Personally, I also see Kenny as a good dad as well.

Kenny as really been through a lot, and he doesn’t want you to experience what he did as a child.

His childhood was incredibly rough, poor lifestyle in an abusive and unstable household that was the worst combination for him.

Even though Kenny has been through so much, he still manages to attempt and cheer up his family like Karen, and I see the same for you.

Even though now as an adult he’s doing much better, he still carries on to the caring and compassionate traits.

Kenny wants to spoil and get you all the things he could never have as a kid, but still wants to make sure you aren’t spoilt.

I think he would be okay with you meeting his friends, not Cartman though.

Kenny has been shown to do numerous things for money in the past, and I feel like he would do the same for you.

Instead of money as a reward, his reward would be having you happy and content.

He’s used to amounts of crying in his childhood, but it still hurts when he sees you cry.

Kenny feels as if he’s done something wrong, and similar to Stan, he doesn’t know what to do and feels lost.

He is more mentally stable than Stan though, he pushed through it and still takes care of you as best as he ever will.

Kenny has had multiple love interests throughout his lifetime, but never really found that perfect one.

Once you start growing up and gaining crushes, he would support you in finding love like Kyle, but he would be more weary about it.

He just wants to make sure that you’re okay and safe when finding the right person, your safety and happiness means the most to him.

Let’s not forget about his death curse..

Unfortunately, Kenny’s curse of always dying as a kid carries on to his adulthood, constantly killing him.

He remembers how you would cry every time and get traumatized by his death, but then suddenly forgetting about it the next morning.

Kenny eventually discovered that he had a less chance of dying once wearing less of the color orange.

He wants you to make the most of your life, exploring and experimenting with possibilities.

Kenny would be the type of dad to try finding hobbies that you like. One time he tried baking with you, it was pretty fun for the most part! The house almost burnt down.

With all this, Kenny would be a pretty good father, single or not. He cares about you with his life, and that’s all that matters.

“What do you think about pets? A cat maybe?”

Eric Cartman

Cartman is a huge handful, and he can be difficult in so many ways.

It’s not a surprise that he’s the worst dad here, but makes you the worst kid as well.

I genuinely don’t see him as a good dad, unless we’re talking about Post Covid before that future was replaced.

Cartman might make some effort to care, but it definitely won’t be a lot. He either does nothing or something, no in between.

He is not the protective type, possibly the exact opposite on the scale when he feels like it. Though there are times he shows care for you, it’s rare though.

Cartman is known to be manipulative, and he will guilt trip you in any way once you’ve gotten on his nerves, mostly talking about how hard it is being a dad and trying to connect with you.

When you were a child, you accidentally crashed into Kyle’s car with Cartman’s, he was actually proud of you.

I see Cartman as the type of dad to ask you to pass the remote while he’s sitting arm length away from it, purposely knowing you’re in the other room.

He wouldn’t necessarily care to have you meet his friends, the only benefit he really sees is rubbing it in Kyle’s face that he has a kid while he doesn’t.

Even thought Cartman isn’t a good father or person in general, there are times where he genuinely feels a want to take his role seriously and raise you properly.

It’s not like he neglects you, it’s just that he doesn’t really care or feel the need to always associate you with him.

Maybe if you could take after him, he would like you more, or maybe he would just dislike you even more..

Part of you wants to have a good relationship with your own parent, but Cartman doesn’t seem to really care much.

There are times where he might actually start taking care of you, but it’s slim.

Once you start getting crushes and falling in love, Cartman tells you about his old relationship with Heidi, and obviously twists the story..

He doesn’t care about who you date much, but you don’t understand the reason why he’s adamant and strict about who you can and can’t go for.

“Don’t you understand how hard it is taking care of you? Give me some space..”

[arithmonym]

Been thinking about your ace cam fic where she initiates and is like hm yes i am good at being a scientist. And then is like YIKES WAIT NVM. Bc ive lived that experience several times lmao and you wrote it super well in a way that i feel like fits them. It Stuck with me.

Anyway Im reading this autostraddle article you reblogged and looking at the consent chart (screenshot included) and Im curious about where you feel she falls on that chart. I interpreted it as “willing consent (when i care about you even though i dont desire you right now)” but yeah im curious about your meta on it

(fic link, for context.)

that’s a difficult question!! i don’t think there’s a straightforward answer; and camilla is an unreliable narrator in this fic, so that confounds the issue.

the way she narrates the encounter prior to her withdrawal, i think “willing consent” is the closest approximation: she doesn’t desire palamedes, but she’s making the choice to have sex with him because she cares about him, and they’re both hurting in the wake of dulcinea’s rejection. she doesn’t expect to get anything out of it except the reassurance that she and palamedes are still bound tightly together, but she doesn’t expect to be harmed by it, either (…so long as she can stop herself from thinking about how it might affect their necro-cav dynamic, which she prioritizes more than any romantic or sexual relationship they could have).

from a meta perspective, the setting of chapter two is very intentional: it’s where camilla trained as a child (first for her own benefit, then for his), and it’s where she first started to internalize the societal messaging that her autonomy was less important than her his.

(i took gymnastics for a few years as a kid, and the rope climb made me cry sometimes. i could do the other skills fine, but i struggled with the coordination required—not to mention the attention of my peers as i failed. this is camilla, ashamed she wasn’t better (at a task that objectively means nothing vis-a-vis “being a good cavalier”), because she’s grown to a point where she bases her self-worth on being useful to him.)

(then, at the end, she’s lying on her back on the mat, staring up at the bell, exactly like she’s just fallen off the rope. again. introjected conditions of worth go brrrrrr.)

the paragraph under that chart clotheslined me, because whoops, been there, done that, and i think it rings truer to what’s actually happening with cam in this fic:

even as she refuses to acknowledge it, camilla knows that she’s making a mistake. she doesn’t want to desire palamedes. she doesn’t want this to become a part of their dynamic, she wants this to be a one-off that they never speak of again (because she doesn’t really want it to happen in the first place)—but she’s also terrified of losing him. her decision to initiate rather than pull away is 100% informed by the fact that dulcinea has just rejected palamedes, and cam perceives something as simple as prioritizing her own wants/needs as a rejection, on a day when that’s a very sensitive subject. this tips the scale more towards the “unwilling” side, IMO, but it’s a huge grey area (badum-tsss, sixth house pun).

TL;DR: i think consent gets tricky in the context of cavaliers and necromancers and how all-encompassing that relationship can be!! i love all interpretations of campal, but i thought this one was worth exploring (especially as this fic is also me processing that i’m on the ace spectrum, and it reflects the struggle to work out my own boundaries with sex).

bonus: screenshot from when i first brought this fic up with my friends.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Haven't really had the Toon Patrol hyper focus like you have, nor am I as familiar with the characters, but I know you like them so since I had the idea I thought to share it.

So I present: the Toon Patrol Pantheon and their respective (Y/N) High Priests.

I can see Greasy as the God of "Greed". He's the one you pray to when you want something, be it victory in a war or just passing that test you didn't study for. Though he might not reward the last one since "If you actually want something, mi amore, you would do your best to get it, not expect it to fall into your lap. (Though it would be nice if some things and people did!)". Which is why he's so baffled when YN wouldn't return his affection. They clawed their way to the top, there's no way they didn't know what they were signing up for... So why were they playing so hard to get?

While Greasy is the god of "taking what you don't have", Stupid is the god of "being happy with what you got", the God of "Rest". He's there to remind to to sit back, relax, and ward off insomnia, which is why he's usually regarded as the "stupid god". Which makes for an interesting interaction with an YN that took the position because everyone was just too lazy to do it and they think that the cult will fall apart if they're not there to micromanage everything.

(I've just now realized I essentially made him the God of Hakuna Matata)

Psycho's tale, on the other hand, is a bit of a tragic one. Initially the God of Childlike Wonder and Imagination, people eventually started to see him as the God of Delusions, of those who are too broken or unwilling to face the real world. Such ideas became a self-fulfilling prophecy, however, as they began to warp his sense of self and eventually broke him. YN comes here as the only thing that's right in the world, the only thing he held onto despite everything. A part of him whispers that YN is not real, just another delusion as no one real could care so much about him to be the leader of his broken cult. But he doesn't care. He'll hold on to this "delusion" even if it kills him. YN is 90% sure that they're real.

(did I steal the general premise from Neil Gaiman's The Sandman? Maybe. Some of the angst is probably mine, however)

On a lighter note, I thought up Wheezy as a God of Medicine. (I also picture him looking like that one guy from tales of unfortunate events who smokes so much he has a permanent cloud around his head. Godhood perks!). He knows the herbs! What harms, what heals, and what's fun. His relationship with YN is probably the most friendly when compared to the others. Though he's a god, he respects them enough to tease and be teased by, as well as let them take his pipe from him before entering the healing area of his temple due to the smoke. YN had done it on instinct at first, and is still a bit weirded out that Wheezy lets them do it, but is happy their God trusts them that much.

Smartass I see as a god of War. Athena style though, so he handles the strategy side of things. I had the most difficulty deciding on his relationship with YN but then I thought... Conceptualized... Them as Gomez and Morticia Adams, complete with impromptu sword fights, knife tango, and the morbid but strangely romantic flirting. Which one the each of them are will change depending on the atmospheric conditions, star alignment, and whether it's in public or not ("The four idiots don't count, my sharpest sword...").

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH D A M N THIS IS COOL.

@marinerainbow you have to read this!!

I wanna be the priestess of Greed so bad XD

[endiecutieo6]

-Gorebruary 2023-

Week 2

Heyo! Let’s get to it so that tumblr doesn’t want me dead. Now, onto the content warning!

Day 8/Too many teeth: Body horror, blood, open wounds

Day 9/Freakshow: Body horror, blood, stitches

Day 10/Drowned: Lots of blood

Day 11/Dissected: body horror, eye strain

Day 12/So many eyes: body horror, ommetaphobia, eye strain

13/Cannibalism: Blood, open wounds, visible organs, shaking (for the video portion)

14/Love: Eye strain, visible bruising, visible self harm, blood, organs

“Hyperdontia:

Hyperdontia is the condition of having supernumerary teeth, or teeth that appear in addition to the regular number of teeth (32 in the average adult). They can appear in any area of the dental arch and can affect any dental organ”

PN: I messed up the ordering on this one. This prompt was meant to come AFTER the next one. I also am so mixed about this one. I feel like I could’ve done much better, maybe lean less on the blood and more the body horror. I guess I like the coloring?

"-and here we have our "weeping groom"! Oh? Yeah, that's a guy. Legend has it he's been waiting so long for his lover at the altar, that he kinda forgot it he was the bride or not, and-hey, stop knocking on the glass, he doesn't like that"

"How did he get like that? Well, we don't actually know, we found him like this and took him in, and he just keeps waiting, constantly. He never stops waiting. It's... actually kinda tragic... Now, this freakshow has come to an end. The exit is right behind you, please throw away your garbage in the appropriate spot, and we hope you'll visit again!"

“…um, are you gonna leave or-oh, the blood? It's just decoration, he's not in any actual pain or whatever-hey, I said to stop knocking on the glass! If you really give that much of a shit about him, you'd not do that! Now, get the fuck out before I call security."

"Fuckin' kids- had to install that window because people would throw cigarettes at him- who's the real monster, those fucks or this innocent man? Anyways, let's get you cleaned up and taken to your room, okay bud?"

PN: there’s an au behind this one I just haven’t explored it yet. I also have had a redraw of this on the backseat for fuckin’ ages. I worked really hard on this one anyway.

“No one really knows what happened, when it happened, or even who did it, but it was poor Tracy who came across his corpse first. You swore you could still hear her scream ringing in the air, petrified in a way she'd never been before. Poor girl.

Rusty, spear-like pole to the neck. That's one hell of a way to go. Probably snapped his neck in two, but the blood on his fingers seemed to indicate it didn't fully kill him. It must've been agonizing, and you couldn't help but cringe as you wrote your report.

You already suspected one of the hunters had something to do with it, but who specifically? Hell If you knew.

You knew you were going to have to skip dinner, too afraid you'd empty your guts out on the floor, when you finally noticed the poof of blood in his mouth, and you realized that he, probably in a panic and desperately trying to call for help, choked and drowned in his own blood.

You kept that out of the report. You wanted to forget about this as soon as you could, if just for the sake of your own mental health.”

PN: I both really like and really don’t like this specific image, and it’s hard to explain why. I feel like the angling is a little wonky. Also an OC is writing the report and I might show the OC later.

“Curiosity killed the cat.

Freddy had an issue at letting go, leaving stones unturned and just walking away. It was almost like an itch, maybe even a rash, and he couldn't resist it. He'd scratch and scratch till he clawed his skin open, and he wouldn't stop until he finally got the answer. He knew he'd regret it once it was over, especially if he saw something he couldn't forget, but now he could let it go.

These periods of destructive curiosity were on and off, always something new and always something that would hurt him once it was all over. He'd do it to stories, or people; over analyzing and picking apart every aspect until he was too frail from over exhaustion to continue. It was easier with stories, and it was exhausting with people. It was even worse with himself.

It was only when he looked at himself did he realize how little he thought about his actions, how little thought went into his actions, and suddenly it mattered so much he felt like he was going to fall apart. It was a frenzy; he was practically ripping himself open, claws he didn't know he had sinking into his flesh and just tearing it away. His hands shook terribly, but he couldn’t stop. He had to know.

It wasn’t until he was done dissecting everything about himself did he realize the damage, but it was too late to take anything back. He felt so fucking hollow it made him dizzy. The world seemed to spin around him, yet it was too late.

He couldn't take it back, and by god he wished he could.”

PN: not happy with this one. Even the sketch for this one was weak and I just can’t find anything good about it. I wish I tried a little harder.

“Maybe it’s a little out of line, but I can’t stop staring at you.

You’re so pretty, like a blooming rose.

I can’t let this chance pass me by.

So, I’ll say it:

I love you.

Will you be mine?”

PN: I like this one! I don’t have too much to say other than that unfortunately.

PN: this is literally just the PV for “The spider and the Kitsune-like lion” by MASA. I have super mixed feelings about this one because I feel like I didn’t try hard enough. The body is fine but the head is just iffy. If I redrew it I’d try much harder.

WARNING:

This story contains:

Depictions/ descriptions of self harm

Depictions/ descriptions of violence

Mental Breakdowns

Mental health struggles

“He couldn't do this again.

It hurt, it hurt so much. It sunk its rotten daws into his shriveled heart, and the way it tugged it down- it was too much.

He promised he wouldn’t do this again, to dare let this feeling take over him. It nearly brought him to tears every time he glanced down at the ring on his finger, a golden band that reflected his pathetic expression. Sometimes, he swore that his expression would narrow its eyes at him, disgusted. It nearly made him want to take it off but that only hurt more.

In desperation, he locked himself away. He hardly left his room, only leaving when he needed to, and praying no one noticed his puffy eyes and his red cheeks. Humiliatingly, he found himself bursting into tears at the drop of a dime. He was practically weeping his way through the day, and it was getting harder to hide.

That damned feeling stil lingered, stood at his doorway and just stared. It flexed its claws and grinned a toothy grin, eyes narrowed in a forced attempt at a smile. "You can't ignore me forever" it sang rapping its blistered knuckles against his nightstand as he tried to sleep "there's no point: I'm not leaving"

It was true, and he hated it. A reality he couldn't deny was a cruel punishment, but maybe he deserved it.

As the days went by, he only got worse. He wouldn't eat, he'd bang his head against his desk until he was too faint to continue, he'd scratch at his neck and shoulders and chest, wishing he could just rip himself open and be done with it all sometimes, he'd wrap his fingers aroundhis neck and just squeeze. It was almost cathartic when his vision started to darken, when his mind began to twirl and his heart seemed to scratch desperately at his flesh. He'd always let go, but then he'd do it again and again.

But, every action has a consequence, and his was the various marks his injuries would leave behind. Bruises and cuts on his forehead, blood smeared underneath his nose, the growing red stains where he'd been too tired to clean up his wounds and let them bleed into his shirt, and the deep, reddish prints his palms left behind. A beautiful portrait of his suffering.

The others were starting to notice; Lingering stares followed his every movement when he occasionally snuck out of his room. It made his skin crawl every time they opened their mouths, as if they wanted to say something, only to decide against it and just give him a look, almast a silent plea for him to just stop.

Every time, he'd paused in consideration. He'd look down at himself, down at the dried blood on the underside of his fingernails, and he'd want to end all of this.

Then, he'd look up and see them. His heart, his treacherous, bastard heart would dare to beat, and it was like he was pushed back into the water. And, as he drowned, he'd chuckle to himself, suddenly remembering words he would bitterly growl to himself as a pathetic method of comfort he'd turn to when the dark, lonely nights became unbearable:

“What's called romance is nothing but fooling oneself before foding others"

What a hypocrite.

With the cycle starting all over again, he'd let his mind entertain fantasies of his fingers, having finally sunk deep enough into his chest to rip it open, grasped and finally tore out that tell tale heart, and he'd smile as he imagined himself floating away into a red sea, happy.

What a terrible thing: to be in love.”

PN: Love the story, hate the image. It fails to convey the pain I wanted it to and it just doesn’t stand up on its own. It seems like a first draft, and I'm so disappointed in it. Also, the love in this story is meant to be towards Kreacher but I kept it vague enough to be anyone. I think it makes the story stronger.

Alrighty, see you guys soon!

[yanderes-galore]

Halloween Event! 🎃🎃 Jack (Bioshock) saving his Darling from some splicers with the prompt S-2?

Just your typical gore fic of mine for Halloween.

Prompt Found Here

Yandere! Jack Prompt S-2

(Halloween Event - Brutality)

Pairing: Romantic

S-2: "Is this okay? Did I do well?"

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Murder, Mass murder, Grotesque descriptions, Stalking, Blood, Overprotective behavior, Somewhat forced relationship.

Murder in Rapture was nothing new. When you get a bunch of people hungry for Civil War and drugs, there's bound to be violence. Seeing blood mixed with the sea water on the floors of this sinking city was not an uncommon occurence.

It's just, for you, seeing it up so close still unnerves you. Your were no sick monster. You still had a clear idea of what was wrong, and what was right.

Self-defense was necessary, yet you still find yourself shaking and hesitant to harm another. It was needed... you just wished life could've been better.

Allies were also hard to find. Which is why when you found Jack, you weren't ready to trust him. He did end up proving his worth through strength, however.

Jack had a similar goal to you, to leave this place as there was nothing left here for any sane person. He was also well equipped with weapons and plasmids. He was good to have around for both the company and protection.

You got along well. Rapture didn't feel as difficult to traverse as before when you had someone. It was nice to have someone to trust.

Although... you never knew his full strength-

The only time you left your companion was when he started to act weird. Overprotective and twitchy was what you could described it. He refused to leave you be even if you wished to be alone.

You got answers as to why later.

"I know this may not be the time... but I have something to tell you."

"Yeah, Jack?"

"... I love you. I'm not sure what I'd ever do without you."

"This is so sudden, Jack-"

"I want to keep you safe. So, please... won't you stay with me?"

"I'll need time to think about it...."

"Please...? I promise I'll keep you out of harm's way!"

"Just let me think, please."

That's when you parted ways from him to clear your head. He was very intense with his feelings towards you. His suffocating behavior was great to get away from, even if it landed you in trouble.

Splicers were a rampant problem in Rapture. They were people so addicted to splicing their DNA they became monsters. Deadly monsters with the power of plasmids at their fingertips-

You normally kept away from them. They could be avoided by stealth, except for this time...

"Well look at this one!"

"I want to burn them!"

"I'll tear at their flesh...."

You always kept a revolver on you, but with this many you weren't sure how successful your attempts at dispatching them would be.

Then he came.

Announcing his presence in a blaze of electricity and flames, Jack had made his presence known. It appears he never truly left you alone. Even now he watched you longingly because he cared.

The resulting fight was brutal.

Blood caked the area. The smell of burning flesh makes you nauseous. No amount of therapy could make you forget the buzzing of electricity and the screams.

Rapture was always like this, wasn't it? Then why were you so affected by it? Was it because of Jack?

Did the fact it was Jack, someone you trusted yet argued with before, did all this that bothered you?

You were thankful he saved you. Even if he was covered in blood, eyes a cold glare, you were thankful. You just wished the area didn't smell of burning corpses, and you hoped you didn't hear what he said correctly when he killed all those splicers-

"Don't touch (Y/N), scum..."

You wanted to think of Jack as a gentleman, someone who wasn't a cold murderer. You were left on your knees in the room, shocked to your core. When he rushed over to you, you resisted the urge to flinch away due to him scaring you.

"(Y/N)! There you are, I'm so sorry..."

He kneels to you, offering to help you up. Hesitantly you accept and stand up with him.

"Is this okay? Did I do well?"

You were so nervous to answer. You couldn't shake the brutality of what he's done. Even if it was for your safety, you'll never forget it.

"... yes. Yes you did-"

You croak out, shaken. Jack pulls you close, pressing your head to his chest while rubbing your back.

"I know, I know... it was scary. This is why you need me, isn't it?"

You don't respond, only letting him rub your back.

"Don't worry..."

He smiles, pressing his lips to your forehead.

"I won't ever leave you again."

[scribblestatic]

Shadow got to enjoy a more pleasant life than Sonar did.

Sure, he's still getting tested on and it's sometimes painful, but Gerald is very attuned to his needs. Gerald wants, more than anything, for this to work. So he builds up the same kind of affection with Shadow as he had with Sonar.

Somehow, it's pretty easy. Shadow is trusting, like a child. And his blood is potent—healing comes easier to him than it did to his predecessor. It makes him more valuable, more like what G.U.N. wants, more like what Maria needs.

So, just like with Sonar, Gerald introduces him to Maria. This time, Maria is conscious and well enough to recognize that they're visiting. She's happy to see them and happy to meet Shadow.

Just like Sonar, Shadow wants to do well for her.

Shadow grows quickly, accumulating chaos energy and power stronger than his previous counterparts. Than his prototypes. And his ability to heal himself and for his blood to fight and eradicated diseases... He's definitely the Ultimate Lifeform.

The problem is, however, that medicine from his blood can stabilize Maria, but it cannot heal her.

For some reason, just like with Sonar, there's a limit. Something that's keeping it from being as effective as it should.

(He would never recognize it because of the limits of his understanding and humanity. After all, there's no way he would directly transfuse an experiment's blood into his precious granddaughter, much less do it several times over as it would need to be done. He needs to make medicines from the blood, not knowing those very medical transformations were exactly what prevented it from working like it could.)

But Gerald won't be cruel to Shadow. Maria knows of him. Maria loves Shadow, even, playing with him like he's a friend. And Shadow has become a rather consistent comrade to her, caring for her like he's her little brother.

Moreover, Gerald's not sure he can commit to the same cruelty that eventually relinquished Sonar of her sense of self. Once was enough.

So, he decides it's up to him. He'll make it work somehow.

Years pass, and he keeps working. Maria grows healthy, but never enough to leave the medical area for too long, or to spend a lot of time in the biosectors of the ARK. Shadow becomes her steadfast companion, learning from her and growing into her protector. Gerald grows fond of him, as though the Mobian is like some kind of son to him.

...But before he can find the right configuration to save Maria's life, G.U.N. invades.

Gerald entrusts Maria to Shadow, and he flees, going to find a way to distract the G.U.N. operatives.

He activates the hostile protocol on the Artificial Chaos modems, he locks doors for as long as they can hold up. He flees further into his lab as Shadow takes Maria to the escape pods.

She would have a hard time on Earth, but because of Shadow, she'd be able to survive long enough for him to come up with a solution. Push come to shove...perhaps he'd even inject Shadow's blood directly into her if it meant saving her life.

But for now, he needed a distraction...and he had an idea.

He ran into the sealed operating room where Sonar still hung in stasis, her arms limply at her sides. He activated the machine, and he quickly began coding memories into her. Something...just enough to make her move.

He encodes orders.

1. Do not harm any of the Robotniks.

2. Do not harm those wearing ARK uniforms or clothing.

3. Kill all others.

He puts those orders as the Seed connecting to the roots, trunk, branches, and leaves. It colors over everything, leaving nothing but an attack sequence.

Gerald finished implanting the Seed. Then, he finished the memory surgery, just as G.U.N. soldiers reached the door, knocking on it and using hackers to get in.

As soon as he finished, before he even completely logged out...

Sonar's eyes turned bright, sickly green.

The water in the tube began to freeze, the water temperature lowering quickly...

Then, spikes of ice began piercing through the glass.

First, it was one, a firm icicle sticking out the tube. Then another on the other side. Several began to form, breaking the glass until it shattered, Gerald hiding behind the computer module.

As soon as all the glass broke, the ice began to melt, the inner core of the water bubbling as it was suddenly getting superheated. Hot, steaming water flowed down from the pedestal the tube was on, spilling onto the floor just as the G.U.N. agents began prying the door open.

Sonar stood there for a moment as they broke in. Watching them.

An officer shot at her, and water reached up, catching the bullet and icing over just as it almost reached her face.

Sonar breathed in.

Then let out a shriek, much like a banshee.

Gerald had to cover his ears, though it still caused him terrible pain.

The G.U.N. agents also shuddered, their ears and heads throbbing with sharp stabbing pain. Then, some of them ended up stabbed in the chest instead, icicles trusting through them like and shoving them into the other wall.

With her wrists and ankles still bound, she used the water to move, the liquid covering her feet as she quickly moved forward, water tentacles slashing around her.

She quickly killed the G.U.N. agents who were there before going to seek out more of them, sensing them with her echolocation and vibration abilities. She covered herself with water, concealing her body inside with only two bright green eyes to show her true form in the water, and she quickly slithered away.

With a distraction on the loose, Gerald could now try to find his way either to the main room or to the escape pod room to leave with Shadow and Maria.

His ears still rang, but he ignored it, running out into the hall and quickly going the way the blood trail did not.

[imeoun]

Lately, I’ve been realizing a lot of things.

I need to focus more on myself rather than my relationships with others. Focusing on the latter has affected me negatively, to the point where I struggle to be productive. When I’m not busy, I tend to find something to obsess over. I remember hearing someone say that if you’re not busy enough, you end up focusing on other things. I need to develop discipline and concentrate fully on my goals. There are so many areas I need to work on, but I can’t seem to make progress because of poor decisions and irrational behavior.

I came across a quote a couple of days ago: “Wherever you go, there you are.” It struck me deeply because it’s so true. No matter where I go, I can’t escape the different versions of myself — good or bad, happy or sad. All these aspects of me are always present. I have a habit of trying to run away from my problems, often by avoiding them or hoping they’ll go away on their own. I remember back in first-year college, we had to draw various apparatuses in chemistry class. There was one that I found difficult and wanted to skip, but I ended up drawing it anyway. I thought, why avoid it? It’s better to face it now than to come back to it later. This simple task made me realize something deeper. I used to approach challenges right away no matter how intimidating it was because of that way of thinking, but lately, I’ve been running from them. The quote reminds me that no matter where I go, I can’t escape my problems. It’s about how I choose to view and deal with my current situation and how it affects me.

The place I live in the most is my own mind. I need to make it a kinder, healthier, and more loving space. I believe we often listen more to our own thoughts than to others, especially those around us. Over the past year, I’ve been even more doubting myself and questioning my capabilities. I frequently ask, “What if I can’t do it?” or “What if I’m not good enough?” even harsher questions like “Why am I not enough?” or “Why was I born like this?” have been tormenting me. I’ve been much harder on myself than anyone else, and I think this self-criticism is why I haven’t made much progress. I tend to focus on the negatives instead of pushing myself to improve. It’s okay to criticize ourselves for growth, but my mind can be too harsh. I hope to learn to be kinder and more supportive to myself.

I need to choose my battles. I came across a post about things we can and cannot control: the past, the future, the actions of others, what people think of us, and what happens around us. These areas have consumed a lot of my energy this year, especially after being betrayed by someone I love. I feel foolish for staying loyal and loving wholeheartedly, not realizing they were being unfaithful. Some might downplay it, but cheating, regardless of its scale, is still betrayal to me. It’s something I take personally because I know I would never do that to someone I love. That said, I need to decide whether to stay in misery, dwell on the “whys” and “what ifs,” or accept that things happen for a reason. I need to pick myself up, live for myself, and not for others. It’s up to me to choose whether to be upset or to find the silver lining. This is MY life, after all.

I’ve always considered myself a girl’s girl. While I can’t be certain if I’ve ever caused another woman pain, I can confidently say I’ve never done so intentionally. I’ve never set out to hurt another woman, especially knowing how painful that can be. I’m not perfect, and I may have said things in the past that I’ve since forgotten, but I can’t bring myself to discuss matters that could cause harm to another woman. No matter how hurt I am, I just can’t. Perhaps it’s because I empathize with them, imagining how I’d feel if the roles were reversed. Even if others don’t know what’s said behind their backs, it doesn’t make it right.

[differentarcadetimetravel]

8 Key Inquiries To Ask At A House Inspection

You don't want to be rescuing your roofing from the neighbour’s yard after ulule.com/marinktibn/ a giant storm. Termites also can cause appreciable injury to pergolas and decks by devouring timber elements till they are now not sound. Look out for indicators of exhausting mud tracking up support posts, and the place potential, search for hole sounding damaged timber components. Wooden floorboards are sometimes the popular selection of flooring in Brisbane because of many houses now being positioned on stumps or posts to avoid flooding.

One of the most typical areas to see spalling harm is in the concrete stumps supporting your own home.

Watching your new home being built is an exciting time for any family, however pleasure can shortly turn to despair if the expectation in the high quality of the build is compromised.

Our staff of skilled inspectors makes use of the newest expertise to give you an in depth report of any issues which will affect the property’s condition.

It gave us all the data we needed to make the right decision with our buy.

So be taught to search for these signs just as much as repaired flood injury.

He was keen to answer questions and add to the report after payment, once I wanted additional information about a number of the items on his record.

Verbal reports can't be relied on and you'd be exposing your self to important threat. Cheap building inspectors who provide verbal report options may also be much less dependable and diligent general. Therefore, you want to verify their insurances and whether a pre-inspection agreement is offered. Our group of experienced inspectors makes use of the most recent expertise to offer you a detailed report of any points that may have an effect on the property’s situation. Our focus is on identifying any termite , timber issues that might have an result on the structural integrity of the property. We use non-invasive strategies to guarantee that the inspection course of doesn't trigger any damage to the property.

Key Questions For House Inspections

Our house, building and pest inspections providers Melbourne are more than useful. They are cost effective and will give you a clear thought in regards to the situation of your personal home. Northern House Inspections Melbourne reviews are a variety of the most detailed, easy to learn stories obtainable and carried out by a qualified building and timber pest inspector to Australian standards.

John Gibson & Our Building Inspection Providers

Contact us today to schedule an inspection and make an knowledgeable determination when investing in a property. We carry essentially the most comprehensive Indemnity Insurance attainable in order to protect your pursuits. If you need to extra info on any of our building inspection companies for your property in Geelong, Torquay and Lara, please don’t hesitate to contact us for an obligation free quote. Have complete peace of thoughts before you purchase with our value saving mixed building and timber pest inspection. Providing you with data of the situation of your property earlier than buy. If you purchase a property and later discover issues not identified in the building inspection report, you need to search authorized advice, notably if the consultant’s negligence finally ends up costing you a lot of money.

The NSW Government has decided that demolition, comprehensive site remediation and disposal are the only choices to remove the well being danger from affected properties. The report’s format, element and price will depend on the kind of property and the process utilized by the consultant or organisation to prepare it. A professional person will ensure that the format and content material of the report complies with the related Australian Standard.

The defects and issues must be fixed and what it's going to cost to repair them. If you aren't happy with any side of the report or your dealings with a marketing consultant, try to resolve the problem with them first. If they are members of an business association, you may be able to get access to a free complaint dealing http://edition.cnn.com/search/?text=house inspections with service. If the property you're looking at has a swimming pool check that the pool is fenced and meets requirements. If the test outcomes demonstrates the property is affected, owners of premises constructed earlier than 1980 may be eligible for inclusion into the NSW Government's Voluntary Purchase and Demolition Program.

With building inspectors primarily based in metropolitan cities and regional areas of Australia, Jim’s Building Inspectors are nicely placed to answer questions you may have about native points. We are your native professional in phrases of the forms of building defects which are widespread and which building inspections you must contemplate having. Our final guide to open house inspections is a great starting point on your property buying journey. However, there is much that can be missed – even by the most conscientious of house hunters. To protect your self and your investment, book a radical pre-purchase building inspection with Action Property Inspections at present. With our reviews you presumably can have assurance and peace of mind about your new property as you enter into what's going to probably be your biggest lifetime investment.

Offering pre buy home inspections is our speciality, and regardless of whether or not you’re located in The Macedon Ranges, Ballarat, Bendigo or another regional area, we can come to you. Our staff of inspectors posses a wealth of expertise and will give you a comprehensive inspection. A pre-purchase building inspection focuses on main structural defects and largely turns a blind eye to minor points associated to the standard and condition of supplies and finishes. Seeing reports similar to soil reviews, pest inspections and situation reports can help you avoid shopping for a property with structural issues. At Premium Pre-Purchase Building Inspections, our Melbourne building inspection service will provide a detailed report so you'll be able to know exactly what you’re buying before you purchase. A building inspection report should not be used as a certificates of compliance for any regulation, warranty or insurance policy towards future issues.

[counselingwithita]

Should I See a Therapist?

Things that might mean you need to see a private therapist and how to get started finding the right professional.

Do I need therapy?

Therapy - also known as counselling, psychotherapy and talking therapy – is a process that involves you talking with a trained professional about your mental health issues or anything else that’s troubling you. Depending on the nature of your visit, you may see a particular specialist who can treat you appropriately. There are some differences between a therapist and a counselor, but both will treat you in a 'then and now' and help you learn valuable tools to be able to manage your symptoms and return to a healthy and happy way of life.

Going to therapy isn’t a sign of weakness and isn’t anything to be ashamed about. Admitting that you need help and reaching out for this is really important so that you can get back on track. It’s also important to understand that you don’t need to have hit ‘rock bottom’ or have a diagnosed mental health condition in order to benefit from therapy. It might be that there’s something troubling you at the moment, or you need some help and guidance with certain areas of your life such as your self-esteem, relationships or issues from your past that have re-surfaced.

You can talk to a therapist about anything you’re going through if it’s having a negative impact on how you’re feeling.

Here, we outline the signs that you may need therapy, discuss the many benefits of therapy and provide tips on how you can find the right therapist for you so you can start your recovery journey.

Signs you may need private therapy

If you find that you’re experiencing repeated emotional problems that are interfering with your day-to-day life, it might be that you could benefit from going to therapy.

You may be:

Feeling anxious

Generally feeling overwhelmed with everything

Overthinking and feeling as though you’re unable to ‘switch off’ from your thoughts

Feeling low and more tearful than usual

Getting angry more easily or struggling to regulate your emotions

Sleeping more or less than usual

Eating more or less than usual

Avoiding socialising with other people

Uninterested in activities or hobbies you used to enjoy doing

Struggling at work, university or school

Feeling hopeless and as though there’s no way out

Using substances such as drugs or alcohol to help you get through the day

Having thoughts of harming yourself or feeling as though you don’t want to be here anymore

These symptoms may be a sign of an existing mental illness such as depression, anxiety or addiction, or they may have started for no clear reason. Alternatively, it may be that you’ve recently gone through something particularly stressful or traumatic, and this is having an impact on how you’re feeling.

Whatever the cause, if these problems or emotions are having a negative impact on your wellbeing and affecting your ability to function in your daily life, it’s important you get help. There are many types of therapy that can help you to overcome your mental health worries and take back control.

The benefits of private therapy

Therapy has lots of benefits and has the potential to have a hugely positive impact on your wellbeing and quality of life. Effective therapy can improve multiple areas of your life, benefiting you emotionally, socially, professionally and even helping you to feel better physically.

Just some of the benefits of therapy include:

The use of proven and evidence-based techniques to explore your issues and help you get back on track. Many therapeutic methods will equip you with skills and coping mechanisms for life, meaning that you’re able to use these tools in the future if you ever feel like you may be struggling

The chance to talk openly and honestly with someone who is qualified, non-judgemental and who will uphold your confidentiality. This is especially beneficial if you have been suffering in silence for a long time or don’t feel as though you can open up to friends or family about what you’re going through. Therapy gives you a safe space to work through your issues with someone who is compassionate and objective

The opportunity to learn more about yourself. This might include learning how your past has shaped who you are now, why you feel the way you do, and the triggers for your emotions. Developing a more thorough understanding of yourself can help you to be aware of your feelings, why they have come about, and how you can cope better in the future

Improving your relationships with other people, including loved ones and colleagues. Therapy can help you to develop more self-awareness so you know how your behaviours may be impacting on others and it may also enable you to communicate better with other people. Also, if your problems are stemming from relationship or family issues, therapy can help you to resolve these and move forwards in a healthy way

Improving your self-esteem. Therapy can help you to set goals for your future and empowers you to be proactive in taking positive steps forward. This can increase your confidence and your ability to take charge of your own emotions and wellbeing

The ability to access therapy at a time and a place that suits you. Online counseling services allows you to receive expert counselling and psychotherapy from the comfort of your own home

Finding a therapist

Once you’ve made the decision to seek therapy for your mental health challenges or other issues that are going on in your life, it’s important to take the next steps when it comes to finding a therapist.

Find local providers that have an extensive team of qualified therapists who are dedicated to helping you every step of the way towards achieving the fulfilling future you deserve.

You can search for therapist near you, then call or contact their customer service team will be able to listen to your concerns and recommend the best specialist and treatment centre for your individual needs. They will provide you information on the procedures, treatment plans, and other information you might need.

Just a kindly reminder...

Whatever challenges you’re going through, whether you’re experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition, or going through other issues in certain areas of your life, you don’t have to struggle on your own. Therapy can help you to work through your difficulties in a safe and highly compassionate setting, empowering you to regain control. Take that next step today and get in touch – the therapist will support you every step of the way.

[downtherabbotholewego]

Wow... What a journey these 3 years have been.... It has been a while. Hi again little corner of the net.

Not sure were to start.... I just read what I wrote in previous posts and I realize I didn't mentioned any of my daily self development work, maybe I will go in detail in the future, but after reading my entries I can say with confidence that it has certainly paid off and I am so glad I started to write in here, in a way, this has been a great outlet to "let things go".

After 3 years I feel a lot less melodramatic, I have been now years without feeling suicidal, the bullshit of others are not affecting me the way they used to.... My focused shifted, giving little to no space for bs and drama, even if it tries to crawl back due to external sources, I'm doing everything to move on quickly from it.

I still have my AIWS but have been coping a lot better with it. I'm actively working to create coping mechanisms against my avPD, my social anxiety had lessened, I still struggle with my OCD, C-PTSD and my Hypnopompic Hallucinations but they no longer rule my life, they are side demons that come to say hi from time to time and I've learned to not engage so much with them. It's not easy but the less time, space and attention I give them, the more I am at peace.

Sometimes I feel I am back in the hole until I read what I read here and realize how much progress I've made. I am so grateful to myself for not give up on me.

Those that were disrespecting me (well sexualizing me) are no longer in my circle of friends. Nothing personal to them but I don't wish to be surrounded by people like that. My intimacy has become sacred and reserved for very few. I am slowly working on surrounding myself with people that resonate with my values, morals and that accept me for who I am and not what I am useful for. I still have here and there people trying to push those boundaries of respect but I've learned who to let it and who to keep at bay, without drama nor issues at least in my end.

A year and a half ago I attended this boundaries workshop and the analogy that the guy shared made my entire perception change. He said: "Imagine that we are like a beautiful house surrounded by a wonderful garden and yard and it's surrounded by a white fence, the white fence is our boundaries; it is not agressive, it is not dangerous, it doesn't harm anyone, it simply separates our property from our neighbors property and whoever trespasses them we have the right to ask them to leave the premises or make sure they don't enter our property again". This analogy made me understand that I am not offending anyone with my boundaries and it would be absurd if anyone gets offended by me having a "white fence". We simply don't let others pee, shit on or stomp on our flowers, it's simple. I felt so much more freedom and I was able to approach my boundaries from a non-defensive approach and ask people to leave the premises or move my entire property away from individuals that don't understand that "no means no" in different areas of my life.

My only exception is the one that is the most difficult to detach from. I still have no clue how to proceed with this one but step by step, for now my priority is to make sure I remain stable internally regardless of what people do around me and keep my focus on what's important to me at this time.

I am at a stage where I am fed up of being in the shadows.... Slowly but surely I am letting myself being seen even if it terrifies me that some people will try to harm me or try to sabotage me by being myself. But enough is enough. This year I am claiming my power back and I am more and more surrounded by communities who encourage me, believe in me and support me.

So, today was scripting day and wow... I realized so much ... I wrote so much and I want to take my time to make other entrances on subjects I haven't touched.

All that to say that progress is made, I still am struggling with my biggest flaw which is loyalty and endurance of unfairness, but I'll get there. One step at a time. I am learning to be kind to myself and not judge myself too much on my journey. I know I am doing what I am capable at in the present moment and I am doing a great job even if sometimes I forget. This is all that matters, that I am not motionless in the same problems but rather untangling the huge mess there is due to so much that has happened all these years.

I may not be completely out of the waters, but I am no longer drowning and the water is now at my waist, not over me. I can breathe now, even if sometimes I am pulled back down the water, I no longer allow myself to drown.

Thank you, inner me, for never give up. I'm so grateful and want to imprint this here in my vent corner.

I'm glad I can write for once without being with heavy heart.

[muzanswaifu]

Headcannons: How the Hashira react to S/O's past self-harm scars

*Excludes Gyomei and Muichiro*

Warnings: past depression and self-harm, may be triggering for some readers

Tengen

Didn't even know about them until you went to the beach together one day with friends

He didn't say anything during that time but on the way home he speaks up after an unusual silence

"Are you okay?"

You're at first are confused at what he's talking about until you realize that you hadn't covered up this today and you turn away uncertain what to say

"You don't have to talk about it right now! I just want to know if you're okay or if you're... not."

If you don't want to talk, he understands, asks if you want to go get some food or go shop - something to take your mind off things

If you do want to talk, he'll, let you vent with open arms

He'll pull you in next to him, wrap an arm around your shoulder for comfort and brush your hair back

He doesn't care about scars, they're just skin and tissue, but he wants to make sure you are okay and is upset with himself for not asking sooner

He can't help the pain you were in then, but he can give you a shoulder to lean on now

Obanai

Notices them right away, his sense of observation making up for his poor eyesight

Mistakingly thinks they are from battle and you are trying to hide them due to shame over them - he understands this, obviously, but he doesn't want you to hold such guilt

Tells you its okay to have blemishes, they show what you've gone through

Based on your reaction, he can tell its something deeper

He apologizes for his assumptions and asks if you'd like to tell him about it

If you don't want to, he leaves it at that and tells you to come to him when your ready

If you do, he'll listen carefully, offer comfort where he can and assure you that you shouldn't hold any blame for yourself

Doesn't want you of all people to have felt that way, but he holds a personal understanding for it

Kyojuro

Believes for the longest time that they scratches from a cat, you just never get around to telling him the truth

It isn't until he hears from his younger brother about self harm in depression does he finally figure it out

He's more... outing about it than the others, asks you straight out if the scars are due to problems with mental health

Seeing your upset reaction is what gets him to calm down

He apologizes for being so blunt but says he would like to know if you need help

Also says he's sorry for not realizing sooner and feels bad for neglecting to understand your trauma

If you don't want to talk, he wont force you, but he will pamper you with more attention, gifts, affection, the works - he'll give you however long you need to before you want to talk about it but for now he at least wants to make sure you're properly cared for and feel safe in his presence

If you do want to talk, he'll hold your hands and hear you out

Unlike the others, he can't bring himself to understand your reasons, but regardless he gives you his unyielding support and tells you that he's proud of you no matter what - his top concerns are helping your mental health and making sure you never reach that point again

Mitsuri

Notices when you were cooking together, the area revealed slightly under your robe, tears forming in her eyes a bit but she blinks them away

She takes a bit to calm herself, not wanting to overwhelm or stress you out with her emotions

Later she pulls you aside and asks how your feeling or if you need help, unable to stop her sad expression in dealing with the subject at hand

If you try to comfort her, she will whip it right back around to you and tell you to forget about her for a second, doesn't want this to be about her

If don't want to talk, she'll understand completely and ask if you wanna go eat (again) or play with some of her kitties or bunny

If you do, she'll listen whole-heartedly and give you some deserts while you talk, she'll cry the whole time - it's just how she is

Asks you to confide in her with as much as you need so she can be the best partner she can be, doesn't want you to ever reach that point again

Vows to be more caring in the future (if that's even possible) and promises to always be available to you if you need to talk

To show you she doesn't mind the scarring, she often kisses on them in intimacy with small "i love you"'s

For what she lacks in maturity, she makes up for in affection

Giyu

Sees them pretty early on, but doesn't say anything, isn't sure how to bring it up

Self-loathing is something he is pretty akin to, so he understands that much, he's just worried over if you're still feeling that way

He'd probably bring it up randomly at some point, maybe while you guys are chilling in bed, his fingers tips would brush over the area and he'd ask "Do you wanna tell me about this right now?"

If you don't, he'll kiss the top of your head and tell you to come to him whenever you're ready while brushing your hair with his fingers until you doze of

If you do, he'll still pet through your hair and listen to what you have to say

Tells you he understands and makes sure you aren't doing it anymore, asks you to please tell him if you do

He admits that he's not the most emotionally supportive person but he'll be better and wants to tell him if you need more help

He distressed but knows he needs to be mature about this, wants to be supportive and strong so you can rely on him for whatever you need

He never cared about the scars, only cares about you and how you're feeling

Shinobu

Would probably see while she was giving you a routine check up, but she goes on unfazed

At the end of it she gives you a soft look and asks "Are you okay?"

Despite her deep understanding of medical health and mind, she understands that life is harder than explained through science and analysis, she doesn't have the expertise of a therapist but she'll try to be the best support she can be

If you don't want to talk, she will understand and get you a journal to jot your feelings down into you want more of a self-help route

If you do want to talk, she'll take you to a more casual room so it doesn't feel so professional and you can really get it out

Talks with Shinobu are refreshing, she is always a good listener and never judges (as long as its not with Giyu)

Tells to you that you are doing your best and that is all she could ever ask for, if you ever have more things to say please don't be afraid to tell her

She a very teasing person but she knows this isn't something to joke about, knows how much you've struggled

She makes you some hot tea and runs you a nice bath so you can relax afterward, also has depressive medication on hand if you ever want some of that as well

A healthy you is her top concern

Sanemi

Knows immediately and doesn't talk ab it, at all, doesn't ask you any questions either

In fact, he acts as if he doesn't see them, no doubletakes or long staring

The only instance of acknowledgement he gives to the marks are in small moments of intimacy when softly press his lips against the marks and say "I'm here if you need to talk"

If you want to talk about it, he wants you to bring it up when you're ready because he's worried about pressuring you before you're ready

Until you are ready, he's always been a good lover and despite his brash behavior is quite good at picking up context clues so as to not make you uncomfortable, wants you to view him as a beacon of safety

When you do want to talk to him, he listens silently, letting you vent to him for as long as you want, he doesn't judge

Tells you with confidence that you are brave and strong and everything you felt then wasn't your fault

He could give a shit about scars, what he's really concerned about is what caused them and if those depressive feelings are still there, apologized for anything he's lacked in

Would probably take you both to bed to turn in early, knows that talking had taken a lot out of you

Hums words of acknowledgement and praise into your ear as you fall asleep together and would wake you with breakfast in bed

[honey-tea-and-cookies]

hey what does it mean if my venus (scorpio) is in retrograde? is it a bad placement?

Hi baby! I'm sorry it took so long to answer this. Honestly Scorpio Venus is a very very good placement when used correctly. I understand why you may be nervous about the retrograde though, so I will clear that up. No, it is not a bad placement. There is no such thing as a bad placement. Some can be difficult, but they all exist to teach us lessons. I will explain what retrograde in the birth chart, and what Venus in retrograde actually means. I would also like to say that once I get to the Venus in retrograde part way down below, there are some trigger warnings. Please read the warnings, and if you are sensitive to those topics, do not read those parts of the post. Stay safe <3

Retrograde In The Birth Chart

Retrograde is when a planet (except for the Sun or Moon) moves backwards. Now, the planet does not actually move backwards. It just appears that way. Basically it's whichever planet's orbit aligns with our orbit (Earth's orbit) just right, so it looks like it's moving backwards.

In astrology, this is exactly what it signifies. It's when issues from the past, or lessons you haven't quite learned resurface. It can also act as a period of time where you must review whichever aspect of your life that planet rules. This can cause disruptions, complications and stress on these issues for us in regular life.

A retrograde in the birth chart basically means this is going on for you all of the time. It means there are more lessons in this area you must learn. Some plus sides to this are the fact that when that planet goes into retrograde for everyone else, you aren't really affected because that is your norm. It also means you learn to master the lessons of that planet. You've got constant issues with it, so in order to get through life and grow as a person, you would have been forced to learn and work through that retrograde. This means you conquer and take control of this planet and it's lessons. Go you!!

Venus In Retrograde

Venus in retrograde means all of these things in reference to love/relationships/partnerships, design/fashion/aesthetics and finance.

- It could indicate being a 'late bloomer' in terms of romance or sexuality, maybe not finding that part of yourself for a while. Or possibly not being interested in that side of life for a long time.

- It could also indicate having issues with money. Maybe you spend too much and end up with not enough money when you need it, or the opposite, save too much and don't let yourself have things you enjoy.

- TW: Divorce, bad marriages, all that sort of stuff. You go through divorce in some way, or have an overall negative experience with marriage (divorced parents, just icks you out, whatever it is).

- A lot of Venus retrograde natives are huge feminists, and really hate female gender roles (or any gender roles). This is not a bad thing!! It is one of the good things that comes with Venus retrograde!!

- TW: toxic masculinity, gender stuff. Sometimes this can go quite bad, and have the native reject any femininity whatsoever. Obviously this is very harmful, and makes for a lot of toxic masculinity or women who are not remotely comfortable in themselves in that way (unsure how it would affect non-binary people. Maybe just immune?? I'm kidding they'd just reject femininity dw y'all I see you. Btw if I have any non-binary followers lemme know!! I feel like I've never specifically mentioned y'all, but I see you and love you <3).

- TW: Self esteem issues, self doubt, mental illness, body dysmorphia, eating disorders. There can be some serious self esteem or self doubt issues. If negatively aspected, it could indicate body dysmorphia or eating disorder tendencies. Being unhappy with yourself and how you look in particular, although it could be self esteem issues for any reason. Please look after yourself my love. Remember to eat if you can, drink water, and remember that we all want you here. You are stronger than you think and you can get through anything (I promise). I've struggled with all this stuff myself, so I understand. My DM's are open if anyone needs to talk <3

- Clashing fashion sense </3

- Cannot choose an aesthetic </3

The last two were jokes, but you get it. Now, because it is a retrograde, this means you will eventually master all of these things! If they are issues you struggle with now, you will one day learn all of the necessary lessons and be an expert on this planet. I know a lot of negative things were listed, but I promise there are no bad placements.

Okay everybody, this is all I have today!! Thank you so much for reading. If you have this placement, let me know how it affects you!! If anything in this post triggered you in any way, feel free to DM me if you would like to. I am here for all of you. Please take care of yourselves, my pretties. Sending you all so so so so so so much love <33

[sixeyesgojo]

I’ll Be Your Enemy

Summary: Gojo Satoru is willing to do anything for you. As long as it helps you heal from what haunted your night.

Pairing: Gojo x Reader

Word count: 2,019

Content warning: implied but unspecified mental illness, mentions of self-harm (scratching), mentions of character death

A/N: Kind of stumbled upon this masterpiece of a song and I thought it would be ideal for some Gojo HURT. This entire thing takes place after the Cursed Womb Arc, so to say: after Yuji dies.

Song: Be Your Enemy by Taemin ft. Wendy

PREQUEL HERE: Pictures of You

Quickly, quickly. The key was inserted into the keyhole and turned. The door lock clicked faintly, signaling that the door has been unlocked. Satoru made sure to open and close the door softly as he entered the familiar apartment. Putting the spare key into his pocket, he slid out of his shoes. Usually he would have made some big noise to ‘announce his arrival’ but not this time. He left his shoes neatly at the genkan of the residence and slipped into the white slippers that always stood by the wooden door, an extra pair just for him.

23 minutes ago. “Hello?” Satoru had picked up the phone. “Gojo-san! Finally the call went through. I’m glad I am able to reach you now,” the voice on the other end said. “Yo, Ijichi, what’s up?” Satoru greeted. He had been sent to a pretty rural area of Japan to get rid of some pesky curses and the cell phone reception was poor in that place, so it wasn’t surprising that calls didn’t go through at times. In addition to that, some curses that manifested had an electrical ability, which impaired the cell towers at place even more. Almost as if planned. “Gojo-san, I think you need to come back as fast as you can,” the man with glasses on the other end of the line stated calmly. “Why?” was the only thing the white-haired sorcerer said in response. Somehow, he had a strange feeling in his gut. The tone in Ijichi’s voice didn’t do anything to calm this odd feeling either.

“It’s L/N-san. Something horrible happened and I don’t think she is taking it well. I did my best to calm her but I’m at wits’ end too…” Ichiji explained vaguely. Satoru was experiencing a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time - his stomach churned, it felt like his guts were wrenching inside him - at the mention of your name. “Ijichi,” he said in a relatively calm voice. He was lucky his voice wasn’t betraying him by showing what he truly felt in that moment. Satoru’s feet were set in rapid motion. “Stay calm. I need you to explain to me what exactly happened.”

Gojo Satoru might be many things. A tease, a teacher (supposedly), a cruel man, a strong sorcerer, a crazy coach, a walking menace to some, protective, an inspiration to a handful, a venti-sized manchild, idiotic, a sweets maniac, a lifelong student to Yaga, playful, a pillar of the Jujutsu world… but most importantly, he was a caring person. This goes without saying for his students and especially his loved ones. What Ijichi just said on the phone had left his heart stinging in his chest. He was in the kitchen, leaving the bag he brought with him on the table.

“Alright. I will tell you what happened, Gojo-san.” “I am listening.” “I am not sure if you are aware that this happened,” the suit-clad man began, “but one of the missions that was originally assigned to you - a case of utmost priority of a cursed womb - was suddenly taken off of your pile and reassigned…” Satoru’s eyes narrowed underneath the black fabric. The beginning already left a bad taste in his mouth; missions assigned to him were usually first grade or even special grade and he knew all too well that there were nowhere enough first grade, let alone special grade, sorcerers around. So who had it been assigned to? “...to your three first-year students,” Ijichi finished with a sigh. The sickening hotness of rage filled Satoru’s whole body. Already having realized the scenario that must have taken place, he still asked for confirmation, “What grade?” “...Special grade. One casualty.” The picture that you had taken of him, his first years and yourself (so carefully hung up on your wall at home) flashed in front of his inner eye. He clenched his teeth so hard as he wordlessly hung up; it hurt. It hurt so badly.

Such an atrocious inhumane act coated in malice. He was going to kill these dirty-playing bastards. However, that would have to wait until later. Much later. Satoru couldn’t leave you to your own devices, not in this state. The scenario he concluded for himself earlier replayed in his mind several times as he made his way through your completely dark apartment. His heart stung with each beat. It was almost as if someone drove a blade through his chest repeatedly.

When he stood in front of the closed door of your bedroom, he heard soft sobs coming from inside. Should he knock to let you know someone came? He wasn’t sure what to do. He gave the door two soft knocks and entered the room. It was your hunched form on the bed, no doubt. Satoru could not see your face with the way your back was facing him. Slowly he made his way to your bed and crouched down to face you. Your face was swollen and tear-stained, a sight he didn’t see often. His large hand rested on your shoulder and gently rubbed it, a silent question hung in the air.

Finally, you looked at him with your swollen eyes. Almost instantly, your sobs got louder and you reached out for the tall sorcerer. “S-Satoru…” you hiccuped in-between sobs. “Yeah. I’m here, I’m here,” he reassured you and stroked the wet hair out of your puffy face as you threw yourself around him, relentlessly crying into his broad shoulders. The white-haired man enclosed his arms around you but it wasn’t to hug you for comfort.

He scooped your delicate frame up and wrapped a warm blanket around you before leaning your body against the headboard of the bed. He sat next to you on the bed and guided your head onto his shoulders. Your violent sobbing stopped but tears were still flowing freely. 

If there was someone who understood the agony, bitterness and distress someone in this line of work had to face, it was Gojo Satoru. The path of a Jujutsu Sorcerer was painted black and red by trials and tribulations. This was why Satoru was so hell-bent on resetting the world he called his obligation. “If you feel exhausted, just lean on me for a second,” his calm voice sounded through the room. There was no answer from you. Even if there was silence, your feelings reached his heart and he spoke again. “Do you want to tell me about it?” he asked gently. Let it go with me. It’ll be easier to shake this burden off and share it, he thought. Of course, he would never dare force you. You nuzzled into his shoulder, as if to get even closer physically.

Ultimately, the woman sucked in a breath and with a shaky voice and recounted everything in her point of view. “I-I.. was on a mission when I… got a call from Ijichi. ‘Something wasn’t right’, he said and… t-told me about the cursed womb. As soon as I heard… that they sent y-your students there, I rushed to the location but…”, you hiccuped, “...I was too late… Y-Yuji, he-” You sobbed hysterically into his shoulder. Satoru turned to you to wipe away the tears and snot with a tissue. “Shhh, I’m here, I’m here”, he reassured once again, “I’ll fix it somehow.” It was just as he thought: those damned higher ups.

“H-How? This is not… something… you can f-fix, Satoru… not even you,” you continued bawling into his shoulders. I’ll kill all the higher ups, he thought to himself. “I don’t know but I’ll be damned if I can’t do something to change this detestable, loathsome and bloody world we live in,” his voice seethed with anger but it quickly died down as he re-focused on the main topic at hand, “there has to be something I can do, I’ll even drag out Sukuna myself if I have to.” “Please, Satoru…” Your whisper was faint and weak, “I… saw Yuji’s corpse... on the ground... I just want to see him one last time…”

Being a Jujutsu Sorcerer undoubtedly put a heavy strain on your mental wellbeing; nobody was spared from it, not even the great Gojo Satoru. Unfortunately, you were one of the people who were much more affected by incidents like these. He realized how badly it hurt your heart, he knew how much all the students meant to you and he knew just how much more fragile you were than you let on in front of other people. Where there is light, there must be shadow. It wasn’t like he was left unscathed by it either but right now, his utmost priority was you.

“Right,” the male sorcerer murmured more to himself. He still had to check something. “I want you to show me your arms, please.” If this had been a command, it had to be the gentlest one you had ever heard. Maybe it was the fact that there was a hint of pain infused in the way he spoke to you just now that made you show your arms so willingly, or maybe it was the fact that he always sounded so earnest when he took care of you like this. He genuinely cared; it was something you shouldn’t be surprised about, considering how long the two of you have known and cared for each other, but it never ceased to leave you in awe. You held out your arms for him to see.

As carefully as possible, the man examined your arms, his touch ghosting over your skin. It was a good thing he came prepared. The angry red lines, dry blood and broken skin on both of your forearms seemed to scream at him: you hurt yourself again. Without a doubt, he felt guilty. “I’ll be right back,” he announced as he slipped away from the bed after fixing your position and stroking your hair tenderly. A few moments later, your tall friend was back with a few medical supplies. Sitting back on the bed, he started to clean and treat your injuries. Besides a few hiccups and whimpers from your side, silence befell the room.

“Don’t you want to curse and insult me?” His eyes were still fixed on bandaging your arms. “No,” was all you said in response, fearing that your voice would give in. “You should though. After all, it was technically my fault...” Even though you were hurting, you knew Satoru was hurting all the same deep down in his heart, seeing that his precious students were the victims in this case. Satoru really treasured disciples. You took a few deep breaths before you replied, “Please don’t ever blame yourself for this… I know you wouldn’t have… let this shit happen. I know how much you adore them.”

“If it makes you feel better... if it can help you heal, I’ll take it. Any words are fine. I can deal with all the painful words…” Strong arms wrapped around you and pulled you to his chest. It was rare but his voice… unmistakably cracked for a second. A shaky chuckle left your lungs, “Please Satoru,” you wrapped your arms around him as well and nuzzled into his shirt again, “I could never treat you like that. You are everything to me but an enemy. Have always been.”

“I’ll be anything you need. I’ll even be your enemy if you ask me to… so please tell me, so that it doesn’t hurt you anymore…” he said shakily. The blindfolded man had masked his pain up until now, for your sake. It was your time to comfort him. Giving him shelter, like he had done for you. He had already experienced far too much hurt.

“Satoru, all I’ll ever need you to be in my life… is the important and comforting presence you have always been. Don’t change. If things are too much, too overwhelming and you become tired, you can lean on me too. I will never leave you.”

There was nothing left to say, no need. It was enough for both of you to be in each other’s comforting presence.

Taglist: @gojos-mochi​ @megumifushi @bleueluna

[sekceesimps]

The Adeptus’s Temptation (Xiao x reader oneshot)

summary: Xiao watches and reacts to his darling being flirted with by a certain Geo Archon.  angst (kinda) but ends with fluff.  

a/n Hey anon, I loved your requests so I decided to do both of them… hope you enjoy it! Thanks for the love and feel free to leave another request (that goes for all of you!) 

This is sort of a more in depth version of the Xiao part in the Genshin Jealousy HCs

Also sorry for the delays between publishing, Tea and I have been busy with our personal lives, but we’re trying to write more! 

Keep liking and following us, it genuinely motivates me to write. 

 Sincerely Coffee  

Who would have ever thought that the Conqueror of Demons, the Vigilant Yaksha, the great adeptus Xiao would ever have a significant other that was human. Certainly not you and definitely not him. 

Xiao is not someone who is easy to open up and be kind, but you managed to break through his cold and harsh demeanor. A surprise to the adeptus who had resigned himself to living his life alone and far from others. You are someone special to him in a world filled with incompetent and useless humans. 

It took some time for him to allow you to spend more days with him and even allow you to initiate physical affection. At first, it came as a relief when you were out doing commissions or just going out to work, he needed his space after all. He was worried about how fast he was falling for you and clung onto the hope that the space he left would allow him to protect himself. 

As your warmth and presence grew on him more, a part of him yearned to be at your side and let you closer to his heart. He had put up his icy walls to combat the heartbreak that comes after losing friend after friend, he was distraught with how quickly you broke through to him. He grumbled at your hand holding, but leaning into your touch nonetheless. 

Your dangerous commissions started to lessen as he refused to let you take on the most harmful of enemies without him. After all, he had no idea what he would do if he lost you. 

Xiao’s favorite thing to do with you is sit at the top of Wangshu Inn or even just the cliff sides of Liyue and bask in your attention and presence. He practically glowed under your loving gaze and from the light brushes of your hand against his. He had known the land for thousands of years and he had seen the most beautiful of landscapes in his time guarding it. He thought that he had seen every stunning thing in this world, that was at least until he met you. 

Your bravery, resilience, and overwhelming beauty had completely captured him, and as time went on he fell further and further for you. The life he envisioned the two of you to live together was a calm and peaceful one. He knew it probably wouldn’t be possible with the nature of both of your responsibilities and his own life span, but an adeptus could still dream.  

Now as much as Xiao wants to protect you, he can’t really leave Liyue. He’s able to help you when you’re here with him, but he’s essentially powerless when you go to Mondstadt. Of course, he’s entertained the thought of just leaving for a bit and staying by your side to protect you. In the end, he always lets you leave for work with a light kiss to your forehead and a heavy feeling in his heart. 

You had accustomed him to your soft affections and gentle mannerisms. He was always reluctant in letting you leave, but he trusted your abilities and simply had to stew in his reluctance when you were gone. He often told you to simply call out his name if you were in trouble and he’d be there in a moment. To this you would simply smile and reassure him with soft kisses to the top of his head. It was a miracle when he had managed to convince you to take on more commissions and bounties in the Liyue area. It made it easier for him to come to your side for aid and also to watch over you. It also allowed for more frequent dates, which made both of you incredibly happy. 

You always had the most interesting stories from your time adventuring. When you two were relaxing on loving moonlight nights, he looked forward to the smile on your face when you spoke in detail about your commissions. He was silent and let you speak, paying full attention to you. Xiao loved the silence and peace. He hated when humans would talk for hours on end, it was unnecessary and wasted his time. However, this sentiment didn’t carry on with you. 

He often urged you to talk about your day and the people you met. Xiao does everything he can to coax more of your sweet voice out. Your voice had always been like music to his ears. For you, he could bear not being alone. For you, he was carving out hours of his day to cuddle and listen to you speak. 

That was until everything changed with your adventuring routes. Previously, right after you switched from Mondstadt routes, the Guild had kept you near the Wangshu Inn and around the Qingce Village area. However, due to increased demand for your services, you had been moved South towards Liyue Harbor. The adventures you went on now were much simpler, but much more boring. You’d complain to your boyfriend about how you had to talk to too many people and how exhausting it was for you. Xiao would listen intently and offer a comforting embrace, silently happy that at least you weren’t out risking your life every day.  

His concern began when you moved on from random requests and commissions with different people to a more stable and consistent job. You had accepted a job from the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor as a one time thing, but your skill and agreeability had earned you a more permanent position there. 

Your day to day job was to just assist and protect different members with finding and restoring relics across Liyue. However, it allowed you to move around more and actually engage in combat, a welcome change from before. You had helped the director herself, but your favourite employee to work with was Mr. Zhongli.  He was a tall and serious man, but he was powerful and amusing to talk to. 

The first adventure you had gone on with him, you couldn’t stop talking about it with Xiao when you came home that night. One adventure turned into ten quite quickly as the two of you made a habit of engaging in all your commissions with the parlor together. Zhongli as your companion in travel gave you a sense of stability and a feeling of safety when you were out in dangerous situations again. 

Every night you came back, you told Xiao about the mysterious and strong man’s aid to you. The passion you spoke of his power and of his intelligence in the culture of Liyue surprised him at first. As you kept talking about Zhongli, Xiao started to feel different. He was no longer eager to hear of your adventures because he felt something very strange now. 

Xiao has never felt afraid. At least, not truly. He is not afraid of death as he had accepted it long ago. Yet now you had given him something to live for and losing you would leave him back into a pit of despair, suffering, longing, and emptiness. Seeing you gush over the assistant to the funeral director filled him with a new unpleasant feeling. Heart numbing fear. 

He was careful to not let you know how he felt. He was nervous that you would view him as pitiful for what he truly felt in his heart. Bile would fill up in his throat when you talked about that man as he held your full attention. In response, Xiao would start to capture your mouth with a kiss if he sensed that you’d talk about Zhongli on your dates. It got you to shut up and restored his happiness for a moment. 

He felt guilty for interrupting you of course. Yet, he couldn’t muster up the courage to confront his own feelings of insecurity. The best he could do was try to prove to you how much he could offer. As his kisses began to get more heated, he found it fit to use his strength to carry you back to your shared bedroom. 

Out of curiosity, Xiao decided to actually look at this Mr. Zhongli one day. If he was feeling insecure before, oh man, any self confidence he had was now wrecked. The man was absolutely perfect with you. 

You were smiling and walking through the harbor-city side by side with the sharply dressed golden eyed man. The walk that the two of you had was powerful. The men and women of Liyue whispered behind you two about how cute the both of you were. Xiao silently watched as you two sat at the tea house and drank tea in silence. Zhongli had never taken his loving and intent gaze off of you. The Yaksha took in more of the man’s appearance. He was much taller than Xiao was and carried himself with a royal sort of dignity. As the two of you finished your tea, the man made a move to pay for your tea by charging it to the funeral parlor. He’s rich too, Xiao thinks sourly. What doesn’t he have? He has enough when Zhongli’s resoundingly deep voice tells you how well you fought today. If Xiao sounded like that he would never want to shut up.  

He goes back into his bad habits of distancing himself and retreating back into his own silence. His awful self loathing that you worked hard to remove has manifested itself again and begun lashing out on you. Brushing you off, short snappy responses, and hardly responding to anything. This results in you thinking you did something wrong. 

Oh how the adeptus breaks when he sees you try to make him Almond Tofu and various other small gifts to please him. He knows you didn’t do anything, but all he wants is you to free yourself from him and spend your life with someone who could provide so much more than he could. 

In your shared bedroom, he would be physically present, but he was silent and hardly even looked at you. He could hear your muffled tears at night when you thought he was asleep. It took everything within him to not turn to you and let you lay your head in his chest and leave kisses across your face after he dried away your tears. It hurt him again when he heard you asking Verr Goldet if she could help you plan a nice surprise for him. As he stayed to listen, he had to listen to the innkeeper give you kind words as you broke down explaining what it was for.

All your advances towards his forgiveness and love go rejected. He decides that it would be better for you in the long run if it was like this. He stays cold, at least until he sees something that pushes him back to your side. 

His pity party and moping is interrupted by the strangest feeling in his heart. Something painful crackles and burns inside of him. He’s not sure how he knows, but he feels that something is very wrong with you. 

Xiao was not called the adeptus of speed for no reason. The speed in which he reached you was one he had not used for hundreds of years. 

You weren’t in any life threatening danger, but the bond that you two shared was. He could see Zhongli gently move a strand of your hair behind your ear. You had a more nervous smile on your face. 

“How fascinating, Y/N” his voice breaks the silence, “Your abilities seem to get stronger every day,” he continues praising you.

Your face flushes a light pink and you look down, breaking the gaze between you two. “You’re too kind, Mr. Zhongli, but I wouldn’t have been able to grow so much without your guidance,”

The golden eyed man smiles at this as he leans in slightly closer to you, “In that case, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” 

Xiao clears his throat as he steps out from the bushes and stalks towards you with a glower on his face. You look at your lover in surprise, not seeing or hearing his voice in quite some time. 

“Actually, she’s already taken so you can take your leave now,” his words filled with venom. He doesn’t even try to be subtle as he holds his emerald spear by his side in warning to the man who tried to make a move on you. 

Zhongli nods, “I understand, sorry for intruding,” as he leaves. Xiao’s watchful gaze not leaving him until he’s far out of sight. Your adeptus moves to your side and engulfs you in a warm hug that he wishes to convey all of his feelings of love into. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you like that, it was unnecessary and you didn’t even do anything wrong. Give me a chance,” he seldom begs, “please,” he adds. His golden eyes piercing into your soul and displaying such regret. 

You don’t respond, but you lean closer to him and press your lips softly against his. He forgot how much he missed this. 

Oh how stupid he was for not letting you know how much he adored you known more. Well, now he had the time to make it up to you. He brings you towards the cliffside and the two of you sit down together once more, the bond shared between you too also renewed. 

As you look at him, he lets you lean on his shoulder and look at the sun’s light beginning to wane as the sky was touched with beautiful pastel pinks and purples. 

“I love you, Y/N” he whispers softly as he nuzzles his face into your H/C hair. 

“Hmm, I love you too, Xiao,” you respond sweetly and relax under his presence.

The brown haired Archon chuckled lightly as he watched his Adeptus gently place his arm around your waist. He was happy that the cold guardian had finally found someone to love and someone to take care of him in return. When the time was necessary, Morax was ready to bring a contract to let the two of you spend the rest of eternity together, as two soulmates should. 

a/n Hope you enjoyed it! Leave a like and some feedback, please.