#I knew I was signing up for pain when I watched rogue one

[noughticalcrossings]

Patron Saint of Defectors

Inktober day 3. Path

My bravest, brightest boys. Carving the path to a brighter tomorrow

[writerseclipse1]

you over the world [a.a]

summary: "i'll take care of you." "it's rotten work." "not to me, not if it's you."

warnings: canon-typical violence, blood, gore, death (of a minor character), use of weapons.

word count: 1.5k

abby ran as fast as she could, as fast as her feet could take her.

she tripped and fell and scarred her knees, she slammed into walls and brushed it off like it was just a fly on her shoulder. she didn’t mind nor care, scrambling back onto her feet as she tripped over an infected she shot point blank in the head.

she ran as fast as she could, as fast as her feet could take her.

“abby?” you had breathed out one night as she climbed into bed with you. she sighed as her head hit the pillows, her vision getting blurrier by the second as she almost succumbed to the sweet embrace of sleep. almost.

“yeah?” she had asked, her voice sounding more like a whisper in the air as she turned to you, her arm flinging itself lazily on your waist, pulling you closer to her warmth. she watched as you smiled at her, a question hiding behind the shine in your eyes.

she ran farther, further, faster, not stopping for anything.

she could have been the enemy of the state, fedra soldiers could have been chasing her and pointing their guns at her like they never missed, yet she didn’t stop running.

“they always missed anyway,” thought abby as she rounded the corner and continued running. she wasn’t being chased by anything physical, no infected was running after her skin, no fedra soldier was running after her to contain her, no raider was running after her for her belongings.

the only thing chasing her was time. she could hear it ticking, taunting her, telling her that it was impossible to change fate, yet she, with her pride, knew she could outrun the damn thing.

she ran farther, further, faster, not stopping for anything.

“abby,” you whispered again, the soft whistle of air sending a chill down her spine. stroking the sliver of skin on your waist, she murmured in the same tone.

“yeah?” she was evidently exhausted, the busy patrol days getting to her head. she almost went cross eyed, on the brink of sleep. she heard you chuckle at her sleepy figure.

she thought you were going to say one of those silly thoughts you had before you went to bed every night, things like “do you think clouds smile at each other?” or “do trees fight with their branches or their roots?” they always made her laugh but she always answered.

“if it was between me and the world, which one would you save?” she had not expected that.

“fuck!” she exclaimed, collapsing to the ground when she saw that she had been sliced by a rogue glass shard on the shin. without stopping to wince in pain, she grabbed her pack and rifled through it, taking a bottle of vodka and a roll of gauze. she didn’t even bother, drenching her leg with alcohol and haphazardly wrapping the gauze around her leg.

in not more than five minutes, she was up and running again.

all the drowsiness and fatigue washed away from her body like a cold bucket of water was poured right on her. she shot up, looking at you in concern. “what? why would you even ask me that?”

you giggled softly, guiding her to lie back down on the bed. when she saw you shrug, she looked at you, an eyebrow raised in question. “i dunno. i was just curious, i guess.”

“in what world do you think that would be a funny question?”

“in this one.” you laughed and kissed her cheek, sending a blush spreading across the expanse of her cheek. she could never be mad at you. ever.

she spotted it, the one owen described.

the brick walls were a sign its been there long before the apocalypse began. she was surprised it still stood.

she could relate.

she burst through the door, a being of pure mass and muscle. she held her rifle with no fear, no remorse, no guilt. as she ventured deeper into the building, she felt no sense of danger in her, only desperation.

no one would ever call her stupid, not in this timeline. she was one of the most revered soldiers of the washington liberation front. she fought like she had nine lives and everything to gain, like she was achilles fighting the trojans with his might and invincibility.

everyone knew her as an independent and strong woman who was more than capable of carrying her own weight. abigail anderson had nothing to lose and she fought like it.

but for abby, she thought it was all bullshit.

“you. always you.” she answered without a second thought. she saw you raise your eyebrows in suspicion but she only shook her head. she took your hand, caressing your skin. “it’s always you, never anyone else. i’d run to the ends of the earth with you, for you. i love you too much to pick a bunch of people i don’t know.”

you giggled at the time, nuzzling your nose with hers. “that’s kind of insensitive of you, abby.”

she chuckled, kissing you softly. “nah.”

“why would you choose me? the way i get jealous about the smallest things, the way i am absolutely useless out there…am i not sometimes a burden to you?” behind the shine of curiosity in your eyes was something only she could ever see. you blinked, trying not to make your insecurity obvious.

she tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “i’ll bear it, i like taking care of you.”

she heard the sadness behind the chuckle that escaped your lips. “it’s rotten work,” you had shaken your head, denying her claim.

kissing you softly, she held your face in her hands as you felt your eyes pool with tears at her response as she held you gently, like porcelain that might break under the slightest pressure. “not to me, not if it’s you.”

being the hero, the savior, comes with the significant weakness, the “achilles’s heel” some call it.

and abby knew just what hers was.

she didn’t even bother threatening them. she shot bullet after bullet, the slug whizzing through the air and implanting itself in between a seraphite’s eyes. they slumped to the floor, dead and bloodied, along with all their cronies.

yet abby didn’t look twice.

she slammed into the door, her hand clenching into a fist as she was greeted by a hallway full of doors, each one looking unopened. she surged forward, using her body to burst into the door, the hinges ripping from the wall from the sheer force.

she didn’t mind the slash on her thigh or the aching of her shoulder.

all she needed was you.

one by one, all the doors fell to the ground, broken and bashed in. abby didn’t stop until she found the room, hearing rustling chains and a sob that broke her heart.

she finally found it. the light of her life, her achilles heel.

she finally found you.

“what about you? me or the world?” she had asked, looking at you for an answer.

“you, of course.” she had chuckled at the crease in between your eyebrows, the one you made when you were confused. “what?”

“me, but then you can’t even shoot to save your life.” you gasped in mock offense, hitting her arm as she laughed at her own joke. despite the lack of light, she saw you roll your eyes playfully, a small smile playing at your lips.

“whatever, i’m not choosing you anymore.” you grumbled and she cooed, kissing your head before laying your head on her chest.

“yeah, yeah, whatever you say.”

“abby,” you croaked out, watching as she all but ran, taking the gun from the holster on her waist. she pointed at the rope that suspended you above the floor, the one that was hanging you by the neck.

her hand shook as she did, one eye closing so she could aim properly but no matter what she did, she couldn’t shoot. she squeezed both of her eyes shut and threw her gun on the ground, taking her knife instead. she stood up on one of the chairs and cut the line. she caught you before you could hit the ground, lying your head down on her lap.

you sobbed, reaching up to touch her cheek, caressing her bloodied skin. “you’re hurt.” you murmured and she only laughed sadly, tears streaking down her cheeks.

you were the one who was hanged and almost killed and yet, you were the one worrying for her.

“it doesn’t matter,” she whispered, burying her head in the crook of your neck. she felt you reach away from her but she only held onto you tighter. it wasn’t until she heard the cock of a gun behind her that she froze.

“gotcha, motherfu–” a single shot echoed throughout the building, the seraphite slumping onto the floor. abby looked at you in disbelief, seeing the smoke come out of the barrel of her gun, the same gun that was in your hands.

“i told you,” you laughed weakly. “you over the world, remember?”

she sniffled, tears falling down her face. “you over the world."

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ a/n: my first post for this blog! thank you for reading <3

[thermitetermite]

Prompt #5 - Electricity

Tldr: Villain has to save their dumb hero from freezing to death. Lots of calling each other dumb (affectionately)

TW: Minor swearing, hypothermia

Villain stumbled through back alleyways dimly lit by broken streetlights. With every step they could feel their muscles aching and burning due to the extra weight of Hero in their arms.

They had to make it to the car. They had to.

Hero's once proud and majestic white coat was now soaked from the heavy downpour of rain and pathetically draped around Hero to offer some kind of protection from the storm. Villain once called their coat childish saying it made Hero look like a cloud. Watching Hero's lips turn blue made Villain grateful that the coat could be of some use.

Villains body was screaming at them. Trying to run uphill in a rainstorm with a freezing Hero after getting your ass kicked by said Hero is about as pleasant as you'd imagine.

Red and blue lights flared behind Villain. As the sirens approach Villain finally made it to their getaway car. They hoped beyond hope that they hadn't been spotted yet as they unlocked the car, threw Hero in the back while jumping in as well, and shut the door.

They waited in the dark of the car until the sirens and lights sped by them, leaving Villain fully alone with Hero.

Villain weaseled their way around the car, quickly flicking on the lights and cranking the heat in the car. They were never more thankful for installing seat heat for the back seats until now.

Villain then shifted back to the back seat to assess Hero to the best of their abilities.

"You idiot! You stupid heroic idiot!" They quietly murmured to themselves after feeling how icy Hero's skin had become. Of course Hero would push Villain out of the way of a freeze ray. That dumbass! Villain should be the one with hypothermia right now, not Hero!

But Villain knew that if they'd been hit instead they'd be dead right now, not just hypothermic.

The only reason Hero could survive was due to their powers. It was Hero's lightning that kept their heart beating in their chest rather than freezing from the blast. Hero must have known that they'd be ok, and they also must have known Villain was powerless. Why else would Hero save Villain from that rogue maniac with a frosty weapon of mass destruction...

Villain tried to distract themselves of the thought that Hero fully intended to die for them. However, when Hero suddenly stopped shivering they felt a knot in their throat.

"No, no, no! Not on my watch!" Villain said angry and determined. They quickly grabbed their civilian change of clothes to change Hero into. They would likely be a bit baggy on Hero but they would do.

Hero unexpectedly started to stir. Opening their eyes and looking at Villain, they must have mustered all of their energy to smirk.

"Oh... Am I being kidnapped by the one and only Villain?" Hero questioned, voice smooth as velvet but undeniably weak.

Even when they were dying Hero was a pain in the ass! It was all Hero's fault for making Villain kidnap them!Secretly they were relieved to hear Hero acting like themselves. Villain simply huffed and ordered Hero to take off their shirt.

"You're being a bit forward aren't you?" Hero chuckled softly before attempting to comply. They suddenly looked a bit worried glancing up at Villain.

"Hey... I'm sorry about the delay but I can't feel my arms. I can't move. Could... you help me. I'm burning up..."

Villain felt a chill go down their spine as Hero said that. To see their normally chipper and flirty Hero completely change their tune in a matter of seconds sent nothing but panic into Villain's heart.

Villain, moving faster than before, changed Hero out of their soaked clothes and into a warm dry outfit. Hero kept complaining about the heat but Villain knew it was a sign of how serious Hero's condition was.

Hero was still freezing. Villain had to work faster to stop Hero from getting worse. There is no need for modesty when the stakes are this high.

Villain took Hero's hands in their own and warmed them with their breath. Hero wanted to say something but Villain quieted them.

"You need to warm up quicker. You'll die like this." They said bluntly before rubbing Hero's hands together to try to warm them up. Villain gave an occasional swear when they were shocked by Hero. Hero would mumble apologies before being scolded by Villain to conserve their energy.

When Hero said they were gaining feeling in their hands, Villain told them to keep warming them and moved on to Hero's legs until Hero said they could feel them as well.

Hero definitely seemed much better but they were still freezing. What was Villain doing wrong!? Hero then spoke up again.

"I was going to say this earlier but normally you're supposed to warm up my core before moving on to my extremities. Thank you for making sure I don't loose my limbs though." Hero half-chuckled, now returning to shivering. It was almost comical how Hero's teeth started chattering.

Villain looked down at Hero before cursing to themselves and starting to take off their own shirt.

"Um, what are you doing?" Hero chattered through frozen lips looking nervous once again.

"What do you think dumbass? Survival T.V. shows say that we should be chest to chest to warm you up. I'm not letting you die on me!" After throwing their shirt ceremoniously to the front they started on Hero's shirt. Hero grabbed their hands trying to prevent Villain from taking it off.

"What's wrong now Hero!? You didn't have any trouble taking your shirt off earlier!"

"Yeah, but that was because you weren't going to make the dumb decision to try to lay chest to chest with me!"

"Why's that such a dumb decision, dummy? I'm not enjoying this anymore than you if that's what you're worried about!"

"It isn't about that! I don't want to stop your heart!"

Villain stopped struggling with Hero and looked at them. Despite shivering, Hero held their shirt down and avoided Villain's eyes. When Villain fought to make eye contact they found that Hero's eyes were filled with guilt. The sound of teeth chattering filled the empty silence between them.

"Hey... You might be good looking but I been around you long enough to be immune to your charms. I literally just saw you shirtless idiot. My heart isn't going to stop if I see you shirtless again." Villain said at an attempt of comforting Hero.

"It's not about that!" Hero snapped, causing Villain to jolt like they'd been shocked. "I have lighting powers. The source of my powers is somewhere in my chest. I don't know if you'll get shocked by me and I can't risk the possibility stopping your heart." Hero said with shame in their voice.

Villain took the time to contemplate this before sighing and tussling Hero's hair.

"Look. I don't mind running that risk. You saved my life earlier now it's my turn to save you. However, I don't want to worry you. I respect your decision, even if it's a dumb one." A surprised look flashed on Hero's face before they gave a small smile.

"But!" Villain continued. "I won't let you freeze to death. I'm still going to lay next to you but you can keep your shirt on for your own comfort. I could also put one of the rubber floor mats between up if you wanted to be extra safe."

Hero accepted this compromise, letting Villain place the mat between them before giving Hero a hug. It was by no means comfortable but at the very least the mat was warm due to the heating in the car and Hero could never complain when being hugged by Villain.

"Wow Villain, I'm feeling so much better already."

"Shut up, Hero. And tell me if you're cold anywhere else."

"My lips are cold."

"... Are you giving me permission to kiss you dumbass?"

"Yep!"

"Fine, you win."

[prgrmmr]

Fictober prompt #1

#1 - "It's not too late, let's go."

Original Fiction/Knights of Naren

Rated G

He couldn’t believe his bad luck lately. Yesterday, it had rained hard enough that the ditch that ran through the slums had overflowed, putting his shack and his neighbors in thick, putrid water that ran out from the sewer system from the city proper. And the city certainly wasn’t going to help with that. Then today, he and his neighbors worked to modify the ditch and set up sandbags to keep the water out of their living space, leaving him covered in thick, slimy, stinky mud by mid-afternoon. It was slick enough that he had slipped and - trying to catch his fall - had landed in a way that hurt his wrist.

“Stop fidgeting.”

Alinash’s ear twitched at the command and his brows drew down. “I’m missing out on work tonight, Angel.”

The woman binding his wrist looked him up and down. “It’ll take a week to get all the mud off you. Sitting still while I try to heal you isn’t going to make you miss any more work than you would have already.” She humphed and added, “Speak to me about missing work tonight. I had to cancel my 6 o’clock for you. If it weren’t for Sirena calling in a favor I owed her, you’d be on your own.”

She was right on both counts. He wasn’t going to fool any of the city people with the way he looked and smelled right now. To make things worse, the wastewater had contaminated their clean water so he was going to have to make a trek out to the river path to truly get clean. And his mother had been the one to get him in to see Angel. While there were a fair amount of rogue mages in the slums, Angel was one of the few who knew anything about healing magic. He tried to hold still as she finished binding his wrist.

The healing itself was the fast part. She said a few words and her hands glowed a warm light yellow as she moved them around his wrist. The pain subsided gradually, and her hands dimmed.

“That’s all I can do for now. It isn’t fully healed, and I recommend leaving it wrapped up for a few days and not doing anything too strenuous. Got it?”

“Yeah, I got it. I can bath with this on, right?”

She paused, taking a moment to give him a pointed look. “I really hope you do. The binding will get wet, but it’ll dry. Just don’t take it off for a few days. You can leave now. I need to air out the stench so my 7 o’clock doesn’t get ill from the smell.”

He twitched an ear again, sure that Angel, a human, probably didn’t pick up on obvious signs of elf irritation but did it anyway as it made him feel better. He got up and left without saying another word.

His next stop would have to be the river, but as the river went directly through the middle of the city, he had to take the path around to a spot outside the city. The sun was already dipping low in the sky, and he had to hurry. His daughter, Ruby, was old enough to take care of herself, but he wasn’t comfortable leaving her alone at night yet, especially not after the past two days. She was supposed to be working on cleaning up the sleeping areas in the shack. If she hadn’t finished, he’d be stuck doing that tonight.

And with that thought, he figured a shortcut through the city would be in his favor. It would involve climbing a wall and staying out of sight by moving across the rooftops. There was an added benefit of possibly being able to find clean clothes along the way so he’d be able to walk back in something dry. He glanced down at his wrist. It felt fine. He started climbing.

As he moved from one roof to the next, he lamented the fact that it absolutely was going to cut into his work time for a second day in a row and tonight had the potential to be especially lucrative. He and Ruby had been watching a few houses in one of the well-off areas of the city, and with it being a religious holiday, many of those homes would be empty tonight while the occupants attended services at the temple.

He paused when he noticed some clothing put out to dry on a balcony railing nearby. It looked to be about his size. He made his way closer, listening for a moment before dropping down quietly from the roof to the balcony. He paused again, waiting to hear any noise from inside. Nothing. He moved quickly, grabbing a pair of pants and a shirt before scrambling back up to the roof. He folded them under his arm and continued.

He reached the river just as the sun was setting. He bathed quickly and washed his old dirty clothes as well as he could in the dimming light before donning his freshly stolen shirt and pants and heading back.

It was dark when he finally arrived home. Ruby sat on a clean, dry crate next to another larger clean dry crate, eating some bread and cheese she must have found while she was out — all of which was a pleasant surprise.

She spoke first, “How’s your wrist?”

“Healed. Are the beds done?” he asked as he took a seat on one of the other two clean, dry crates and helped himself to some of the bread.

“Yeah, Tinman and Slink got some palettes from one of the farms a few miles out. I had managed to steal some extra food from the market earlier so I traded some of it. I couldn’t find any blankets though, so we’ll have to do with the ones we had. I washed them this morning using some water Sirena had left over from washing her things. She said she got it from the river. They should be dry by the time we go to bed, but I think they still smell a bit. We’ll probably have to find replacements. Maybe we can find some tonight.” She took another bite of her bread.

“It’s too late. By the time we get there, the services at the temples will be ending, and people will be headed back home.”

“But you said they had parties after.”

He had told her that - mostly because she still worried about getting caught. The services were usually only an hour long. He knew an hour was plenty of time to break in and snag a few valuables from a house, but Ruby was still learning. He had planned on getting her there and out with plenty of time to spare. The last thing he needed was her fretting about how much time they had left.

And they did have parties, but— He frowned and looked at Ruby, “There’s no way to tell who’s going to the parties and who isn’t.”

“What if we leave right now? We can still make it. They’ll still be doing their holiday worship thing. It’s not too late! Let’s go!” She put down her bread and started getting up.

“No, sit down.” He admired her enthusiasm. He’d also been like that when he was younger, but now — he looked around, his eyes finally resting on the food. “We have all we need tonight, Rubes. It’s been a big day for both of us, and there will be plenty of opportunities in the future. Let’s take our time, eat, and get some rest. We’ll deal with the blankets tomorrow.”

[antvnger]

Blood Brothers AU - the truth about Dec. 16th

((Oh for sure. He most certainly does. I touched based on this in that post that started all of this wonderful blood brothers AU, but I’ll expand more on this particular topic under the read more thing because it’s kind of a long post.))

When Cap recruited Scott to go after the rogue Winter Soldiers in Siberia, Scott agreed because it was the right thing to do. 

And partially because Captain America was asking him to do it. The Stark boys grew up on Captain America stories and would sometimes incorporate him in their games. He was a big deal to them, especially to Scott. And when Cap came out of the ice, well that was just insane. For Scott to answer the call of one of his childhood heroes was like a dream come true.

Then it turned sour real fast. The brawl in Germany happened first, and for Scott it was *bad*. 

He didn’t exactly choose a side, but a side was more or less chosen for him. He was willing to help Cap with the psycho assassins, but go up against his big brother in the process? His big brother whom he loves and respects and would do anything for? He didn’t sign up for that. 

Scott pleaded with Tony, but the Accords had Tony’s hands tied. Tony blamed Cap for putting Scott against him, and in the end, who’s to say there’s not some truth there? ((For the record, I don’t really have anything against Cap. But in Civil War, he made a bunch of mistakes.))

Jump ahead to Tony flying off to find Cap and Bucky in Siberia. 

He joins them partly because he doesn’t want psycho assassins running around either, and partly because Cap needs him. Cap’s his friend, and Cap was one of his childhood heroes too. Like Scott, he got caught up in that. It’s like an internal tug that’s hard to fight. 

But really? Tony went to help because before the airport fight, Scott begged him to help. And for his kid brother, Tony would do anything.

But then the world comes crashing down. Siberia plays out like normal with Tony learning the truth and going up against Cap and Bucky. 

“I’m sorry, Tony. You know I wouldn’t do this if I had any other choice, but he’s my friend.”

“So was I. So’s Scott, Rogers. Did your conscious ever guilt trip you around us, huh? Did you even feel a shred of shame when you recruited my kid brother to help you out? Leading him along so he unknowingly fights right beside his parents’ *murderer*.”

“It’s not like that, Tony,” Cap pleads.

“Like hell it is! Scott respects you, Rogers. Hell, he admires you and idolizes you. Our childhood hero come to life and interacts with us and be friends with us, and this is what we get in exchange? No, you say you had no choice, but you made a choice the moment you decided you didn’t respect me or Scott enough to tell us the truth.”

When Cap walks away from the fight and leaves the shield behind, Tony shouts after him that he needs to set the record straight, and he needs to be the one to tell Scott the truth.  And for whatever reason - guilt or remorse or maybe realizing at least something Tony said was true - Cap agrees. It needs to be him to tell Scott.

Cap knows Scott and Clint took the plea bargains for the sake of their families, so he knew they would stay behind at the Raft. Which was fine. Cap could respect that. He just wished he wouldn’t be telling Scott the truth while he’s behind bars. 

Bucky’s eat up enough with guilt to be there when Cap tells Scott the truth, and honestly it’s haunting how Scott could say so much in one look, when he’s actually stunned speechless.

At first, the words don’t register. It doesn’t make sense. Bucky did that? Cap knew? All this time? It’s always a hard thing to watch your childhood heroes fall, and good God, how far these two fell. 

Trust is shattered, and Scott’s heart is ripped to shreds. It feels like he’s lost his parents all over again, except it’s worse because he’s looking at the guilty party right in the face. 

Scott backs away a few steps, anger and pain etched all over his face as unshed tears blur his vision. He’s tense and on edge and defensive, and he registers Cap’s still talking, but he doesn’t want to hear anymore. There’s nothing that could be said to fix this.

“Scott,” Steve tries gently, “I’m sorry. I know this is hard to accept, but you have to understand. That wasn’t Bucky. The Winter Soldier and Bucky aren’t the same person.”

“I don’t care,” Scott mutters coldly, defensively. He blinks, and tears slide down his cheeks. “He killed my mom and dad.”

They leave and Scott deflates. Collapses. This was too much. Waaaay too much. He barely hears Clint mutter a sincere and surprised, “I’m sorry, Scott,” from his cell. 

He doesn’t know how to take it; he doesn’t know how to deal with it. He’s still having trouble wrapping his head around it all. Why would Cap do this? Why did he lead him and Tony on like that? Were they not worth the friendship to tell the truth?

Tony. 

The thought of his big brother fills Scott with dread. What if Tony doesn’t forgive him for what happened in Germany? 

Scott fought against Tony…for Cap. Scott begged him and pleaded with him to help. For Cap. Scott let himself get captured so Cap and Bucky could escape. He’s behind bars and facing house arrest. For Cap. And now this bomb was dropped on him.

And for what? Nothing. Right now, the answer feels like a big bottomless pit of nothing.

[mill3nniumforc3]

2023: A Year in Review: Part 1

Here we are, 11 years in a row! I started this in November, and it's now February. Things got pretty crazy at the end of the year and I just didn't have time between work, being sick with a "mystery illness" that wasn't COVID or the flu, and trying to take care of myself.

Grab your popcorn and a drink, because this is going to be a long one!

January

We left off on Ohio State losing to Georgia, me missing the ball drop for the first time in YEARS, and Russell kissing me. Was I drunk? Maybe a little. I had to work on January 1, so I couldn't go too crazy.

My department was still managerless at UGS, so Kathy and Wendi were in charge. They asked me if I could start working earlier shifts on Sundays (10-6 had been my shift for MONTHS). I said I would prefer not to open, but 8-4 would be doable since I lived 30 minutes away.

And because the cost of eggs skyrocketed thanks to the bird flu, I made it a habit to check every egg carton before loading it into the car. This became something everyone did.

January 27 was me and Russell's fifth anniversary. We didn't have the time or money to do anything huge for it, so we went to dinner at Olive Garden. I was very happy about it since our first date was at an Olive Garden. January 27th was also my paternal grandfather's 91st birthday. Whoooo!

Oh, and Tee FINALLY got her car back after crashing it in October, meaning we had two cars again.

February

Kathy announced that she was the new manager. I was probably the only one to try and be supportive, but I think we all knew that it was an impending disaster.

We actually had plans for Super Bowl Sunday this year! We went to Russell's best friend Monkey's house. I provided dessert, ready to cheer on Philadelphia because I hate Kansas City. It was a good game to watch, even though Philly lost. The commercials and halftime show are better than the game itself anyway.

My dad's birthday was on February 13th. I called him and talked for a little while.

We didn't do anything for Valentine's Day because Russell had to work.

Tee decided to do an early trade-in with her lease on February 18th. She went from a blue 2020 Nissan Rogue to a gray 2023 Nissan Rogue. While she was working on the paperwork, Russell took me to the used car lot to look at the cars, since it was about time I got my own. I found a gray Nissan Kicks that I liked, and we asked the salesperson about buying it with my credit, income, and having Russell cosign. He said it'd probably work and to come back another day since the dealership was technically closed.

February 19th was Sean's birthday. I made him a birthday card that I got everyone to sign (including Caleb, and he seemed surprised that I included him) and bought him mini cupcakes. Gotta go all out for my favorite coworker!

On February 23rd, we went to the dealership again. The Nissan Kicks I liked was still available, so we went to purchase it. It was so exciting to finally have a car that was mine!

Also, the month of February was warmer than normal for some reason. We had a funny conversation about it at work where Isaac said the weather seemed hurricane-like. I pointed out that we had dandelions in February, so I wouldn't be surprised if we had a hurricane too.

March

Lilli got fixed on March 10th. I thankfully had the day off, so it was easy to drop her off and pick her up in a timely manner. When we went to pick her up, she was drowsy from the anesthesia still and acted like she was in pain. 30 minutes after she came home, she was acting like herself again. Silli Lilli...

March 12th was Sugar's 4th birthday. She got extra treats and a car ride.

On March 23rd while I was at work, I got a text from my mom telling me my paternal Grandpa was in the hospital after having a "possible mini-stroke." I ended up leaving 30 minutes early because I was so upset, and I was on edge for the next two days.

The afternoon of March 25th, my mom texted me again. Grandpa got released and there was no sign of stroke on the MRI. THANK GOD!

Monkey got married to his long-term girlfriend Lakyn on March 25th. Russell was a groomsman, so we spent the night of the 24th apart. It was tough because I sleep so much better when he's next to me. The next day, Tee and I drove to the wedding. We parked at the hotel we were staying at, checked in, and then walked to the venue (which was only a little ways down the road, and in the heart of UGA- that's important). Russell was outside to greet people to the wedding, and I was very happy to see him again. We hung out for a little bit before it was time to take our places for the ceremony. I had to educate Tee on wedding etiquette when she tried to sit on the aisle. "You don't sit on the aisle unless you're immediate family." She got all huffy with me, but I didn't care. The ceremony itself was beautiful, minus the nearby frat houses playing loud music (Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon was playing in the middle of a serious part, and I had to stop myself from laughing. I later learned from Russell that everyone in the wedding party had to refrain from laughter too). Monkey made everyone laugh during his vows when he read the lyrics to Never Gonna Give You Up at the end. The reception itself was pretty mid. The food was ok, the drinks were lackluster (it was a cash bar outside of the signature cocktails and White Claws), and the DJ only played songs that Lakyn picked (which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but it seemed unfair to Monkey that the songs he wanted were left off the final playlist). The reception also ended at 10pm, which seemed like a waste because that meant people only danced for 90 minutes (and a chunk of that time, the sound system went out so we were singing our own songs). They apparently were going to head downtown for an after party, but we opted not to go.

March 26th was Muffin's 10th birthday. He's officially an old man.

April

April 1st was my 29th birthday! I spent it at... you guessed it, work! It wasn't that bad though. Sean bought me doughnuts, Wendi bought me chocolate chip muffins, and the day wasn't too busy. My parents also flew down to Atlanta to see me and spend a few days with me. We went to my favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner and had ice cream cake at my house.

I had to work on April 2nd, but because it was a Sunday, I was off at 4pm. After I was off, we went to the mall (mainly because I needed a new pair of work shorts and JCPenney is the pair that works the best) and had dinner at Red Robin.

I was off on April 3rd, which was surprising because I'm almost never off on Mondays. My parents picked me up from my house and we went to walk around the park. After walking around for a while, we went to get something small to eat for lunch and then hung out in their hotel room for a little while. When Russell was off work, we met up with him and Tee for eat dinner at Loretta's (a local restaurant that serves homestyle food). After dinner, I said goodbye to my parents, but not for very long, since Moira's wedding was coming up.

Not much else happened in April, except April 26th was my paternal Grandma's birthday.

May

On May 4th, I got into a freak accident at work (medical TW: mentions of blood and swelling) I was unloading and staging the fulfillment center deliveries in the cooler. Suddenly, I collapsed. Even though I was fully aware of what might've happened (I tripped over a dolly that got underfoot), I was out of it when the impact happened. The very first thing I noticed as soon as I came to was I was tasting blood. I quickly ran my tongue around my mouth, and when all my teeth were still in and none felt loose, I breathed a sigh of relief and stood up. I knew I had to tell Kathy what happened. I was afraid she was going to be mad because we were pretty busy, and while she wasn't happy that I got hurt during a busy time, she made sure I took care of myself. The blood I was tasting was because my lower lip busted open (I either bit it when I fell or the lid on the container hit my face hard enough) and Kathy said my teeth looked fine. She gave me some paper towels to press on my lip to stop the bleeding and sent me to the meat department to get a bag of ice. Unfortunately, because I was probably hyped up on adrenaline and got up immediately after the fall, I didn't notice that my left knee was swollen to the size of a softball, and didn't realize it was bad until I drove home from work. I got home and I couldn't move my knee, so Russell had to help me out of my car and upstairs.

On a lighter side, apparently, Burberry got outside and nobody noticed. After Russell had me upstairs in the living room, he went to let Sugar and Lilli outside. When he opened the door, he saw a cat and said, "Hey, you look like Burberry!" When the cat let himself inside, Russell realized and shouted, "Hey, you ARE Burberry! When did you get outside??" He was soaking wet because it had been raining, but Burr didn't seem upset about it at all.

I showed up to work the next day wearing my knee brace. Kathy noticed it and asked if it was from the accident. I said yes, and Kathy asked why I didn't tell her my knee hurt. I mentioned that I didn't even notice that it hurt until I got home. She asked if I wanted to file for worker's comp, but I declined since it wasn't a big deal (and I was afraid I was going to get in trouble for some reason).

May 16th was Russell's 32nd birthday. I was off on his birthday, so we spent it together. It was also Lemmy and Rufus's 2nd birthday.

On May 19th, Kaitlyn (a family friend) graduated veterinary school with her DVM. I was so happy and proud, and very excited for her, because she had talked about wanting to be a vet since we were kids.

June

June 2nd was my mom's birthday. I called her and we talked for a while.

Lilli got her first haircut on June 13th. We got her the typical schnauzer cut, and while I thought it was cute, Russell thought it made her look like a boy. We picked a different cut for her to get from now on.

June 13th was the start of our long adventure. Russell dropped me off at work and picked me up afterwards since we planned on leaving immediately after I got off (I got off at 7pm- that's important). I placed a mobile order at Chipotle for dinner, filled my car with gas, and picked up my dinner before we hit the road. We planned to spend the night in North Carolina, about an hour north of Charlotte. We figured we'd get there by 10:30-ish, but with all the construction on I-85 in South Carolina, we ended up getting there closer to midnight. We were ready for bed when we got to the Sleep Inn.

We got up decently early on June 14th, since we still had a long ways to go to get to New Jersey. We got breakfast at Sheetz (my idea!) and topped off the tank at Kangaroo (gas was cheaper there) before starting our long journey. The trip was pretty dull and boring. When we got to Virginia, we finally got to hop on I-95. We passed King's Dominion, and Russell joked that we should've gone there instead of Six Flags. After getting past Richmond, we stopped for lunch at McDonald's. Russell got the Grimace Meal so we could try the Grimace shake, and neither of us liked it that much. The aftertaste reminded me of Fruity Pebbles, but the initial taste was pretty gross. After lunch, we got back on the road. The GPS had us bypass Washington, D.C., but the traffic was still a nightmare anyway. We were close to the Ronald Reagan Airport, so I kept calling out the different airlines I saw as they were taking off and landing. Once we finally made it out of D.C., we were on route to Baltimore. When we got there, the GPS had us get off the highway to avoid an accident. We drove past the Ravens stadium, and I flipped it off because I'm a Steelers fan. We also drove past the Orioles stadium and I wanted to flip it off too (a guy two grades below me in school played for them and deleted everyone on Facebook afterwards. I later learned he got released because he sucked HAHA), but there people next to us at that point and I didn't want to get shot. We then drove through shady backroads until the GPS had us get on I-95 again. Before leaving Maryland, we stopped at the rest stop called Maryland House to use the bathroom and get something to snack on since the McDonald's wasn't filling. When we got to Delaware, we hopped on I-295, which took us straight to New Jersey. We needed gas again after we got into New Jersey, so we stopped at Wawa. It was an experience having a gas attendant fill my car. While we there, we decided to get dinner. Once getting our food, we made our way to the Best Western for the evening. The one thing we noticed was that it reeked of weed because it's legal in New Jersey.

I woke up in the middle of the night on June 15th with my stomach hurting. I'm not much of a fast food eater to begin with, so all that grease in my stomach made me feel like shit. I got out of bed, sat on the toilet, and drank some water, convinced that I was going to vomit. After sitting for a while, I started feeling better. I laid down to go back to sleep until Russell's alarm went off. We went to get the free breakfast in the hotel, and since I still felt a little queasy, I opted to just eat some vanilla yogurt and granola. After breakfast, we made our way to Six Flags Great Adventure. As much as we were looking forward to being there, we were slightly disappointed that the top two rides in the park were closed (El Toro had been out of commission for almost a year and Kingda Ka had an incident a week before we got there. What sucks is El Toro reopened two days later). The park was busier than we had anticipated since many schools were taking field trips there, so we got Flash Passes to ensure we could ride everything. The food was very lackluster and there was next to nothing for me to eat, so I ended up having cheese fries for lunch. We saved the rides we expected to be the worst for last, which worked out well since Green Lantern hurt so bad! Nitro, Jersey Devil, and Medusa were the top 3 that I rode. Also, we got stuck on Houdini's Great Escape, which was not fun, especially since some Karen sitting by us kept asking someone to call for help. I kept telling her that the ride operators knew we were in there and would get us out as soon as they could. Her young child wasn't even panicking! We left the park around 4pm, and got dinner at Denny's. I got a veggie burger and fries. After dinner, we went to the hotel to relax for the night.

We woke up decently early on June 16th to go to Ocean City, Maryland. We drove out of New Jersey and to Pennsylvania to get breakfast at Bob Evans, and then made our way down. We had to drive backroads in Philadelphia because the bridge collapsed on I-95, but we eventually found our way back to Delaware. After driving through Delaware for a while (I never realized how long Delaware actually was since it looks so small on the map), we stopped for lunch at... McDonald's, surprise surprise. We took our lunch to go this time so we could continue the drive. We made it to Ocean City around 3pm, and I called my mom to let her know we were in the city so she could stand outside and show us where the condo was. We followed the GPS to park the car, and my mom was standing on the top floor of the condo (it was thankfully only three floors high lol). We grabbed our luggage out of the trunk of my car and walked upstairs. My mom showed us where our room was, and we dropped off our bags. The view of the beach from our condo was amazing. We relaxed in the condo for a while until we wondered what was going on for dinner. My mom reached out to Moira, and she suggested we got dinner at BLU Crabhouse & Raw Bar as a "rehearsal dinner" since it was by their hotel. Me, Russell, and Bridgid rode in my car while my parents rode by themselves (I think they intended to pick up Fiona and Zach, but they didn't want to go since they spent all day driving from Cleveland). We got Blu Crab Dip as an appetizer, and I got the Crab Cake Sandwich as my entree. I also got a Dirty Banana as a drink, and it was delightful. After dinner, me, Russell, and Bridgid stopped at Food Lion to buy a gift card for Moira and Adam. I was tempted to get an inappropriate card for their wedding, but chose to be normal and got a wedding card.

We woke up the morning on June 17th and, when we allegedly had no plans for breakfast, me and Russell went to McDonald's because they had bagels. I asked if anyone wanted anything, and at first everyone said no, but once I had my shoes on, my dad asked for a large coffee and Bridgid asked for an Oreo Frappe. I asked my mom if she wanted an unsweet tea, but she said no. After we came back with our breakfast and started eating, my mom said Moira wanted to meet up for Wedding Day breakfast at The Dough Roller. I mentioned that I could probably eat again since the bagels aren't necessarily filling, so we went to breakfast. I chose to get the Cheese & Egg Sandwich because pancakes didn't sound good for some reason.

Part 2 live now on my blog! Stupid character limit smh.

[cassandrajoybellbittner]

A First Chance At Love - Chapter 12a

*Warning Adult Content*

Levi Blackman

Why me?

Why did I have to end up with...

Groaning I fell back on my bed glaring at the ceiling in frustration.

It wasn't fair.

My dad and I came to this pack after escaping our last one.

The Alpha was vicious and evil... along with the people who didn't care for anyone but themselves.

The Alpha had killed my mother... when she spoke out of turn... defying against him.

It took five wolves to hold my dad back... as they made us watch.

I could still hear my mom's screams and my dad's anguished cries as the Alpha ripped her heart right from her chest.

I watched in horror as he just walked away and the others let my dad crumble to the ground... crawling to his mate and crying against her neck helplessly.

I was frozen... unable to move... watching my dad cry... for the first time in all my eighteen years.

That night after burying her... my dad told me we were leaving.

We snuck out past the night patrol and shifted into the night.

Being rogues on the run was not at all fun... we ran all the way from Iowa to Portland trying to start our life over.

We knew we were safe from our old pack because they wouldn't try and follow us... we weren't worth it.

We were found roaming on the Blue Moon Packs land a few weeks before Liam and Aiden were made Alpha and Luna of this pack.

My dad and I thought that they were going to kill us but they were in fact every gracious after hearing out story and let us stay in the pack.

It was really weird and awesome, to find a pack that had two males as future Alpha and Luna.

It gave me hope that I would find a nice, handsome male mate to love me for life since I knew that I was attracted to both genders.

But I had always leaned towards the male population that the female.

I wasn't ashamed to say I was more Sub then Dom but I had my moments when called for.

That's when I met Kyle Parker.

The moment our eyes met I knew he was the one.

The only problem was he was hell bent on avoiding me.

I still remember the moment I saw him... my heart was pounding and I was love struck.

My wolf was screaming 'MATE' and I was head over heels for him.

Well... since his future Alpha and Luna were gay... might as well... I thought thinking that it was okay with Kyle too.

Damn was I wrong.

I had walked up to him my stomach fluttering with butterflies... my wolf jumping in excitement as I got closer.

God... did he smell good... so masculine.

We were standing in a vacant hallway... so I was hit with a bit of shy confidence.

When I was a few feet from him... I could feel the electric current flowing between us... a sure sign he was defiantly my fated-mate.

I hadn't even opened my mouth when he stepped back looking at me venomously.

"No," he growled.

I froze to a stop watching him shocked.

"No?" I questioned, confused why he chose that as our first words to each other.

I frowned... stepping towards him... which only caused him to back away again.

"Stay the fuck away from me," he growled again.

His beautiful, grey eyes were stormy and glowing with repulsion.

I stumbled back from him in shock and pain.

I felt my wolf whining at his hate for us.

If I was in wolf form... I would be low to the ground and a paw over my muzzle... in hurt.

"I-I I don't understand?" I whimpered.

His lips were drawn in a tight line, as he glared and he was visibly shaking.

"Just keep your God-damn distance from me, Faggot," and with that... he stormed off... leaving me standing there... staring after him... his rejection fresh and deep into my soul.

All my excitement and joy was gone and replaced with a ache gnawing at my heart.

He had rejected me.

Since then I kept clear of him... never touching him... to keep the second phase of the mating process and most important part... at a standstill.

That was until he came back from his errands with his dad and dumbass Caleb pushed me on him.

With that one touch it was like fireworks were exploding against my skin but I played it off with an 'Ew.'

But inside I was dying to do it again... I wanted to jump Kyle right then and there.

Touch him everywhere... kiss those delicious looking full lips of his and run my hands though his silky, blonde hair... holding for dear life.

Now I can't stop thinking about him... even more that before.

No one knew that Kyle and I were fated-mates and he liked it that way.

I don't think he knew how much it hurt to deny how I felt about him... how every time I saw him... in school with some new tramp on his arm... killed me a little inside each day or how he would leave the room... when I was in it.

Why the hell would the Wolf Spirits and the Moon Goddess put me and him together.

We weren't even compatible.

A Bi-sexual Omega male and a Homophobe Alpha male... don't mix.

I rolled over on my stomach and smashed my face in my pillow screaming out my anger and agony.

Where was Caleb, when I needed him.

I remember when Avery came back home without him.

I was going to the kitchen to get a late night snack... when I overheard their conversation.

It's been three days since he disappeared but I knew when he came back... I was beating his fucking ass for scaring all of us.

I just prayed that he came back soon.

What caused him to run off like that.

I would ask Avery but I was petrified of the guy.

He was huge and intimidating and I knew he could kick my ass all up and down this pack-house.

'Ugh.'

Getting up I went to do something productive then spend my time in my bed.

I walked out of my bedroom... bumping to something hard.

I didn't need to see who it was because the tingles were a dead giveaway.

I held my breath as I caught my balance.

I heard his growl before I was shoved back in my room... the door slammed behind him.

"Quit fucking touching me, you God-damn faggot," he growled through clenched teeth as I stared at him.

We were the same height but he was way more muscular compared to my skinny ass.

My breath hitched as he stood... no more than a few inches from me but his grey eyes bright and annoyed.

"I-I... it was an accident, Kyle," I explained to him.

The current, that connected us, was making me shake with want for him.

"No. You're doing it on purpose, Levi... and you had better stop it, right now."

I dropped my gaze to my feet refusing to look at him so he could see the hurt in my eyes.

Why was it like this with us? Why the hell did he hate me?

He was supposed to love me and care for me with his life and I him.

I can say I kept my side of the bargain.

I knew for sure I would risk my life to save him... even though he was a Homophobic, Asshole-Jerk.

"Why, Kyle? Because you know you won't be able to ignore me anymore?" I challenged peering back up to meet his stormy gaze with my own.

"Because... you'll start wanting me just as much as I want you?"

I stepped closer to him and he sneered at me.

"We're fated-mates, Kyle. That's what we're supposed to do," I exclaimed.

"Fuck off, Levi. There's no way in hell that I would ever want you... never," he words hit him me hard and I could feel the knot in my throat tightening.

"Ugh,"I exclaimed in anger as I pushed him as hard as I could.

I felt it before I knew it came as his fist connected with my jaw.

I flew back landing hard on the floor from the force of the blow.

I cupped my throbbing cheek as I looked up at him shocked.

His eyes were huge as he stared at me like he hadn't known what just happened.

"Levi?" his voice was strained as he stood there.

When he knelt down quickly... reaching for me... I scooted away from his.

"Leave," I said glaring him.

"Levi," he said again desperation in his voice.

"LEAVE," I screamed.

His worried expression disappeared as he stood replacing it with disgust.

"Gladly," he seethed at me and with that he stormed out and slammed the door behind him.

I stared at the doo...r hateful unshed tears in my eyes.

He hit me.

I never thought that my fated-mate would or could... possibly hit me in anger.

He really despised me, didn't he?

But the sad part of all this was... I still loved him.

[biggest-stupidhead]

more modern au levi x reader!! is it okay where reader makes petra jealous???

Just a reminder: WE DO NOT CONDONE PETRA SLANDER IN THIS HOUSE!!!

with that said, I will write this heavily focused on Petra to make it a lil angsty, hope you enjoy!

Summary: Petra watches her ex fall for another

Word Count: 1.7K

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It had been two long years since Petra and Levi ended things. It wasn’t messy but it was painful, she had seen it coming from a mile away. He had grown just as distant as he had been when they first met. Staying late at work, texting her dryly, and using terrible excuses. Although she had known it was coming, she still was a wreck when he actually ended things. She spent the months following the break up drinking wine and crashing at Oluo’s place regularly. After two years she was finally feeling better, dare she say, ready to get back into the dating scene? Or at least that’s what she thought, she was scrolling through her instagram feed when she stumbled across Hange’s page. It was someone’s birthday, someone she wasn’t familiar with. 

A woman with bight eyes and an even brighter smile was in the center of the group photo. On her right was Levi, who had an arm thrown casually over her shoulder, the faintest trace of a smile on his lips. Petra pinched the screen to zoom into Levi’s side, where she saw a feminine hand on his waist. She stared stupidly at the image. She shouldn’t feel jealous, she had no right. It had been two long years since the break up. But the picture only dredged up old memories of times when she would hold Levi that same way. When that smile was directed to her. She then turned her attention to the caption, which read: 

Happy Birthday (Y/n)! 24 never looked so good!

She then scrolled through the comments, many of them consisted of birthday wishes and support. She lost interest when she didn’t see Levi’s username and instead went back to the collection of photos, three of them in all. The group one that she assumed had just been taken, the second one was a picture of Hange and you on the beach, Petra felt a involuntary wave of self consciousness wash over her at the site of you in a swim suite. The final picture was the one that hurt the most though, it seemed to be a very old picture of you, maybe from your early years in college? You were sitting on a couch with younger versions of Hange, Erwin, Levi, and Moblit. Levi’s arm was casually thrown over your shoulders. Why had he never mentioned you before? Were you the reason that they broke up? No Levi had assured her that it wasn’t like that, said he wasn’t seeing anyone else. She tried to stop herself from going down that rabbit hole, but she couldn’t seem to. Before she really knew what she was doing, she had clicked on your profile which she was almost disappointed to find as public. This meant that there was nothing stopping her from judging every perfect image that was posted, and to her pleasant surprise, there was only one photo of you and Levi. The photo was posted the week prior, the two of you were hiking in the mountains, the dusty trial behind you. Your face was flushed from the exertion of the climb, Levi seemed cool as a cucumber, his face blank and void of emotion. She scrolled through the post and found a video, the sound of your shoes crunching and Levi talking behind you were clear as day. 

“I mean come on, who uses fucking Lipton? Have some god damn class.” Levi spat, as you snorted in amusement. Petra found herself chuckling along with you at Levi’s little rant. She felt a rogue tear slide down her cheek when you showed the phone to Levi, who’s face fell from being mildly animated to apathetic once more. You cackled as he swiped the phone and the video ended abruptly. It was so innocent, it was clear from the rest of your page that you were a private person, much like Levi. With little indication that you were dating him, it left her wanting to know more. More about the girl that had taken her place, had managed to worm her way into Levi’s heart of stone and make herself comfortable. As soon as these thoughts crowded into her head, she deleted instagram all together and powered her phone down, determined to wipe her memory of the images she had seen. 

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The music was a nice distraction from the awkwardness that hung in the air. You had arrived uncharacteristically early to Hange’s party, and consequently meeting a whole group of people that you had never met before. The new people were about your age, three young men and one stunning young woman. It was early fall and Hange’s annual bonfire bash as you all had dubbed the event. Basically you lit a massive fire, when you were younger it was your past assignments from your pervious school year, then it became just regular old wood. You tapped your finger against the cool beer bottle as you leaned up against the counter, the men were laughing obnoxiously as they dropped the alcohol that they’d brought into one of the many coolers. The woman was looking at you almost nervously, she seemed extremely on edge, shifting her weight back and forth, eyes wandering around the room in a jittery manner. You frowned, wondering what was bothering her, but ultimately deciding that it was not really your business. Erwin shimmied behind you, his hands on your shoulders as he slide past you into the kitchen. You caught his arm, clinging to his familiar presence. 

“Erwin.” you hissed as he stooped to reach your level. 

“Who are these people?” you asked as you held his bicep firmly in your grasp. He pulled away and looked at you with a confused expression. 

“You mean Levi didn’t tell you?” He said slowly, clearly he was unsure if it was his place to speak on the relationship between Levi and these people. 

“No....” You said carefully, not wanting to make Erwin uncomfortable. 

“Oh well they used to work in the same department before Levi switched.” He said, he looked over to the men and motioned for them to come over, they ambled over with curious expressions. 

“What’s up Erwin?” the dark haired man asked as he looked between the two of you. 

“Just thought I’d ought to introduce you to (Y/n) here, she’s an old friend of ours from high school.” Erwin explained, his hand still comfortingly placed on your mid back. You waved shyly and smiled at all of them, including the girl. 

“Pleasure to meet you.” The blonde with a ponytail said, outstretching his hand to shake yours. 

“I’m Eld, this is Gunther, Oluo, and that fine young lady over there is Petra.” He said, pointing at all of them respectively. 

“It’s so nice to meet you guys!” you said sweetly as you struck up a conversation with Oluo about what they thought about the department that they worked in. It didn’t go unnoticed that Petra remained nearly silent, her amber eyes wide and a bit fearful. When the interns arrived, the men were quick to go help them carry in the alcohol that they brought, leaving you and Petra alone in the kitchen. You cocked your head at her as you poured some pretzels into a large bowl. The warm glow of the setting sun cast a halo over her head and you couldn’t help but voice your admiration for her. 

“You’re really pretty.” you gushed as she blushed at your words and turned to look at you with wide eyes. 

“So are you...” She returned the compliment and you smiled, feeling more at ease now that the two of you were alone. 

“So how long have you known Hange?” You asked conversationally as you crumpled up the bag and tossed it into the trash. 

“Hm let’s see...about four years now?” She responded with a bit of a wistful tone. 

“Really? I’m surprised we haven’t met sooner!” you chuckled as the two of you opened a bottle of wine and poured it into two large glasses. The two of you strolled out into the bark yard, where Hange and Moblit were chucking large pallets of wood onto the fire pit. You and Petra sat down in two lawn chairs watching as Hange and Moblit bickered over if it was safe enough to light the fire with gasoline. 

“I am too, you seem....like a really nice girl.” Petra said a bit downcast as she looked deeply into her wine. 

“So do you! We should grab breakfast ooo or maybe even brunch sometime!” You said excitedly and Petra sat there in awe, wondering if there was even a mean bone in your body. Or if you had any clue that she had dated Levi. 

“Yeah...this is kind of random but...are you dating Levi?” She blurted out, her face turning to look at you with a flushed expression. You nodded nonchalantly and took another sip of your wine. 

“Yeah we just started dating about a year ago.” You said with a shrug, Petra inhaled, readying herself for the next words that would either make or break the future relationship between the two of you. 

“Did...you know we dated?” she said, cringing when the words left her mouth. She sounded crazy and she knew it, but she felt obligated to clear the air between you before it got bad. 

“Hm I think he mentioned it once or twice, and Hange told me about you when you first started dating.” You said looking up thoughtfully, your tone held no malice or any sign of ill will. 

“You’re not...” 

“Insecure? Nah, and don’t take that like I’m being cocky! I just mean that...” 

“No, no let’s just not do this. I’m sorry for bringing it up. God I’m such a bitch.” Petra went to stand and you followed her, catching her wrist. 

“It’s alright really, I don’t care about what happened between you and Levi. It’s frankly none of my business, I just...wanna be friends with you.” you smiled at her sheepishly as she looked at you with wide eyes. 

“Oh” She managed to say dumbly. 

“That is if you want to be friends.” You said, letting go of her hand and giving her some space. 

“Yeah...I think that I’d like that very much.” Petra said with a bright smile. 

__

In honor of Women’s History month, I couldn’t bare to write something that was a stereotypical jealous ex, so I did the next best thing and wrote this more geared towards the reader and Petra bringing each other up instead of tearing one another down. As someone who was apart of the fandom back in like 2014 I am way too familiar with writers turning Petra into a psycho bitch, and I don’t like that. SO I hope that this is good enough to fit the prompt! 

[angstyantoinette]

Yandere!Howl Jenkins Pendragon x Reader Headcanons

Warnings: Slight NSFW [mention], kidnapping, manipulation, toxic relationships. 

We all know that Howl is very much a ladies man; he knows exactly how to pull women in, and captivate them so that they fall in love with him easily. 

For Howl, it’s all a game. He catches the eye of a girl, no interest on his part of course. She just happens to be in his line of the game. He knows what to say, how to present himself to perfectly fluster and simultaneously intimidate every other person there. He doesn’t venture outside the castle often, and when he does, there’s an air of fear; there’s such awe left in his wake. 

And he loves it. This drama queen feeds off it.

But we also know that Howl is a runner. He cannot commit to anything, hating the restricting nature of feeling tied down. I mean, he abandoned his apprenticeship. With this in mind, Howl makes the most unlikely yandere. But he actually is highly dangerous, although he doesn’t really look like it.

He’s afraid of himself in a way. He understands that he is quite powerful, and after practically going rogue, Howl gets his kicks with spontaneity, with the complete unexpected in life. 

When he meets you, he expects you to give him all your attention, like everyone else. But you brushed past him, looking at his fancy clothes, his blonde hair, sapphire eyes, green jewels swinging from his ears, and the beautiful pendant around his neck. He was picturing it now in his mind, getting ready for the look of adoration, the tense of muscles, the scarlet blush upon your cheeks.

But you looked away. You gathered your belongings, perhaps stowing them away in your satchel, and you just looked away.

What?

Is that it?

You weren’t even interested in him. Howl was still so stunned he had nothing to say, no suave and seductive voice to tempt you into his charms. He was in awe of you; you looked at him with such indifference it made his head hurt. Not with heartache or pain or anything like that. But he could not deny that he wasn’t curious.

Well, of course, not only does this not sit too well with Howl, he is very much a delusional person in this kind of state. However, he is incredibly smart and calculating and he balances these two personalities scarily very well. 

Like I said before, Howl is a very dangerous yandere, and he thrives on his blantant misinterpretation of a mere womanizer to scamper away, unsuspected, unscathed, and free to do what he likes.

Howl doesn’t really hold on to grudges that much, or anything; when he loses interest, he tosses things away. Not all though. 

You, you, YOU. 

Why won’t you leave his weary mind after days of being apart? Why is his  conciousness telling him to look for you, and not relent until he’s succeeded in doing so? Despite all the signs, all of the telltale signs that shows he’s just a little too invested in you, he writes it off as his bad habits resurfacing to play another game. 

And, of course, Howl Jenkins shall oblige!

Howl is a patient man, make no mistake. He finds it enjoyable to watch things go down for a while; no matter how trivial, poking fun in plain sight at innocent civilians never gets old. 

When he finally gives in to trying to find you and play with you for a little while, Howl pushes aside all distractions to do so. That means traveling through counties and villages, towns and cities until he’s found you again.

Howl is desperate for love and affection that isn’t because of his looks. He really wants someone to love him, not the image he puts across, not just above the surface with his tantalizing blue eyes that pull you in and trap you. 

You saw through that. You barely gave him a second glance and while it peaked his interest initially, it annoyed him for days on end. Usually being teasing and indifferent to Calcifer’s complaining, he found himself snapping and getting easily annoyed. Markl began to subtly keep his distance on bad days. 

Now, though, he’s become delusional. In Howl’s mind, you are to blame for his interest, for his inability to keep his mind off of you. You are the sole reason for his burgeoning obsession that seems to be running the show. He tells himself that when he finds you, it’ll leave. This painful, utterly agonising sensation of having you in his grasp, playing his game will go far away. He’ll seduce you, definitely, take you to bed and have a good time and his obsession and all-consuming desire to play the game, just you and him will just...go. Poof.

Except when Howl does find you, he doesn’t feel like letting go of you. 

Ever. 

And while this does take him by surprise, it all starts to make sense for him. 

Because looking at you now, bundled up in his arms, crying in anger and confusion, he sees in the stars that this was meant to be. 

He waits until he’s sure you’re asleep [more like passed out from exhaustion-] to really, really get a good look at you. He notices for the first time your cheeks and how they’re squished against his pillows and wrapped up in his sheets so perfectly, it’s like you’ve been here many times before. He notes how relaxed your closed eyes seem to be, no furrowed brow or scrunched tight eyelids; just complete and utter serenity. 

You’re just so perfect. Could you be a god, some kind of deity perhaps?

He’s in love for the first time in a long time. He may have let it slip by then, selfish and uncaring, but now?

Oh no, Darling, you don’t stand a chance. Howl will do anything to keep you hidden from those bastards’ eyes  protect you, to love you and most of all, make you see that he’s the one for you.

 Always.

You sat in the boiling water filling the bathtub, limp and tired, unresponsive as Howl bustled around you, his task completely focused on getting you ready for bed. Once upon a time, you would have refused to call him by name; instead you settled for ‘bastard’, ‘prick’, and ‘I hate you’. 

You even tried to sleepily mutter these things under your breath, not caring now that you were being lifted out of the bath, and dressed in a white gown. You cared even less when feeling your mind slip away into a soft sleep, curling into your body with comfort, clinging onto Howl’s pillows.

However, in front of his ‘housemates’ [ you could only guess what a talking fireplace could have to do with his wacky moving castle ], you were frightened. Howl didn’t even have to say a word; he had you smiling and  acting somewhat normally in front of ‘Calcifer’ and the little boy, Markl, you thought his name was. 

But you could always feel the sliver of magic take a hold of your wrists from behind, a little voice telling you that staying here was for your best interest, what more could you want? It promised you eternal love, devotion and affection, coated with a sickly sweetness only Howl could pull off. 

All in all, you stopped resisting after a while. Howl was annoyingly patient it seemed, and it frustrated you to feel as though you were a child all over again. He smothered you, insisting on doing the most trivial of things for you, never snapping back at you, never doing anything to remotely answer back at you in the same manner whenever you resisted his help.

It didn’t click until you had cursed at him mercilessly, screeching and crying, pulling at your combed hair, that by acting like this; he looked better than you. He looked above you. Compared to your tantrums, Howl looked calm and collected and completely willing to help you in any way possible. 

But why was he doing all of this? 

Why did you wake up in his bed, with his lanky arms draped all over you as if you were lovers? Why was he spoiling you, letting you wear his clothes, feeding you? What was he trying to convince you of? 

“Darling, I have some new nightclothes for you. Do you want me to help you into them?” He was slower, more gentle tonight as he strolled around his room. He was delberate though, not forceful exactly, but it was more of an atmospherical warning. You could just tell; if little Y/N tried anything, something would happen. 

Some kind of spell, or perhaps even a curse to teach you a lesson.

Ah, there it was. Another gift. 

Did he think you’d simply tolerate him because of his lavish, his blatantly excessive gift-giving?

Why did he look at you with such sickening adoration on his flawless features? 

At last, his bustling seemed to cease and he took a longing glace back at you. He probably only meant it to last a few seconds but the longer he gazed, it just became a cold and glassy stare. 

You knew the feeling of ‘zoning out’ well, but his eyes became darker and darker. Some kind of shadow must have passed over him or something, because he snapped out of his eerie trance and threw himself onto the bed. 

You yelped in surprise, pulling your hands to your sides, hastily spreading them out on the soft quilt like spiders, your legs pushing your body back ever so slightly, eyes wide. 

Howl chuckled, but it was filled with a sinister undertone that you weren’t used to at all. He snapped his head to the right, his hands already unraveling a silk-encased package. 

“I saw these while in the town today and couldn’t help myself.” 

Pulling out the brand new nightclothes, you unwillingly let out a pleased gasp. It was a set of matching pyjamas. They were satin, smooth to the touch and a beautiful shade of emerald, not too bright at all, but not dark either. 

Sometimes, you enjoyed this sort of treatment from Howl, albeit, very guiltily. He was always polite, courteous and kind, willing to help you with anything, but you also couldn’t help but feel a sense of horror, lingering long after you fell asleep. As if it were some kind of parasite. You just couldn’t for the life of you place your finger on it. 

You had learned to never keep him waiting for anything; he was a busy man and as much as he liked to have free reign of his work, he liked to be organised too.

This time you had apparently spent too long admiring your gift rather than answering him.

“Isn’t it lovely, Y/N? I thought it would suit you divinely.”

“Y-yes, it’s beautiful, thanks so much H-Howl.” 

Not wasting any more time, he sat up from his previous position on the bed, and somehow managed to gracefully snatch the nightclothes away from your trembling hands, and shooting you a look as if to say, well, take your clothes off. That was the less sinister version. Howl’s eyes took on a new darkness that growled, or I’ll do it myself. 

Your hands flew to your neckline, undoing the small ribbon that held the soft cotton on you, and allowed Howl to thread his fingers through the material, travelling towards the bottom of the garment and pulling it over your head whilst you lifted your arms, feeling the comfort of the soft sleeves peel off your arms. 

The blush on your face was unmistakeable. It was another embarassment being bathed by him, but this? Stripping you out of your clothes? It didn’t help that he was aware of your inner battle, and having an annoying, but otherwise barely noticeable smile on his face. 

His hand reached over with the satin nightclothes, urging you to take them. You did, carefully so, slipping them on against your flushed body, his cerulean orbs watching intensely. 

As if he didn’t want the image to go away. 

When you had finished dressing yourself, you stood up and  tentatively walked to the mirror, even slightly stumbling on your feet, and gasped in pleased surprise. You looked...beautiful in the nightclothes. The satin felt so smooth on your skin, and the emerald shade brought out your e/c eyes nicely. 

A few moments later though, you gasped for a whole different reason. Howl slipped his hands around the front of your torso, letting them wander further and further down, reaching your thighs with a renewed urgency, pressing you back against his body.

“I didn’t hear a ‘thank you’, darling.” His tone was teasing, but you could detect a hint of anger, annoyance was it? As quickly as the shadows came they departed, leaving you at the mercy of the wizard Howl. 

“No matter,” he rasped against the nape of your neck, placing soft, heated kisses against your skin,”You can say thank you, whilst begging on your knees.”

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sorry about that ending, it just needed to come to an end before i drove myself mad with the procrastination :)

but what did you think of it?? there really isn’t enough Howl’s Moving Castle fics, let alone yandere ones, but i like how it came out. 

to the person who requested this, Howl, is 100000% the gentle dom we ALL NEED OKAY

[dearvitya]

YOI Fic Recs (Part 2)

Look through part 1 here!

Unsinkable (29k): Victor is a wealthy heir with a lonely soul. Yuuri is a poor dancer with a tender heart. The deck of the Titanic might be a very romantic place to meet your one true love, but it's not exactly a fortuitous one. [Titanic AU]

all the wrong turns (48k): After his disastrous Grand Prix Final, Katsuki Yuuri decides to try to be the first skater to land a quad axel in competition. It’s a secret from everyone, except the mysterious text correspondent who appeared in his phone contacts as “Poodle” following the Sochi GPF.

when pain is over, the remembrance of it often becomes pleasure (19k): Yuuri felt his body grow cold at the name; he had known a Mr. Nikiforov, once upon a time.

Five years after the implosion of their acquaintance, Mr. Viktor Nikiforov returns to —shire society, bringing in tow a young cousin. Mr. Katsuki must navigate these once-familiar waters without giving further offense, all while keeping his own heart firmly protected. [A Persuasion AU]

Love in Exile (99k): Once a well know ballet dancer in St. Petersburg, Victor Nikiforov finds himself exiled to Sakhalin Island as a political convict in 1881. As a man sentenced to katorga he will never return to European Russia or his life on the stage. Known as the "Edge of the World," his life on Sakhalin could not be further from the life he once knew. Strange circumstances lead his path to cross that of a young Japanese man, one of the very few still living on the island. Katsuki Yuuri leads a life of exile of a different kind, one that is largely self-imposed. Drawn to each other, despite their differences, something slowly begins to grow between them. When a narrowly avoided tragedy leaves them stranded together for a long, cold Sakhalin winter, they are challenged to face what their relationship really means, and what future it could possibly have.

Smooth Runs the Waters (3k): Inspector Yuuri Katsuki comes to Hillsborough Hall to investigate a murder most foul and its two primary suspects: newly widowed Victor Nikiforov and his younger brother Yuri Plisetsky. 

The Other Side of Sunset (325k): 1874, Wyoming Territory: Yuuri Katsuki Taylor has got his future planned…mostly. Learn how to manage his adoptive parents’ ranch, and inherit it when he’s older. Get married and have kids (someday – not now). And most of all, carry on riding his horse with Phichit and the other ranch hands on the open range and in the mountains. But when he meets Victor Nikiforov, the striking and talented new master horseman at the neighboring ranch – and is treated to a show of his Cossack-style trick riding – his world will never be the same again…

A tale of love, loss, grief, redemption, and second (and third) chances, set in the Old West. [Cowboys AU]

Like a River to the Sea (41k): Gifts from the gods can come in strange wrappings. They can also be mixed blessings, as Victor will discover in time.Living alone on the island of Fleves, near Athens, the last thing Victor expects as he combs the beach one morning is a peculiar treasure that appears seemingly from nowhere in the shape of a handsome young dark-haired man... [Greek mythology AU]

pick lilacs for the passing time (68k): A spark flares up inside him, the vestige of some part of himself he thought long buried now resurfacing to—what, haunt him? And then he realizes. I want to dance with him, Yuuri thinks.

In which the outlandish prodigy Victor Nikiforov hits Yuuri’s life like a whirlwind after he transfers to a prestigious ballet conservatory in Moscow, two grumpy teenagers learn to be friends, and Mila’s Straight Girl CrushTM might not be so straight after all.

for better, for worse (18k): Yakov quirks an eyebrow. “Vitya, we are not having some grand ceremony."

“It doesn’t have to be grand! But the registration office? Signing some papers? Where is the romance in that?”

or: The Trials and Tribulations of Viktor Nikiforov, Six-Time World Champion and Wedding Planner Extraordinaire.

in the woods somewhere (32k): One evening in late autumn, Yuuri goes out to collect firewood. He returns with a man instead. (Viktor, Yuuri, and the end of isolation.)

The Death of Koschei the Deathless (39k): They tell tale of heroes, of men that slay monsters, and defy fate itself. Yuuri Katsuki is no hero. He's just a failed wizard trying to keep his shop afloat. This is the story of how Yuuri Katsuki fell in love with Viktor Nikiforov, and in doing so conquered death.

For the Record (10k): FOR THE RECORD by Viktor Nikiforov 

What it takes to craft an Olympic Champion, and what it takes to be one.

Or: Viktor Nikiforov, sports journalist and retired figure skater, interviews Olympic Champion Yuuri Katsuki for an exclusive piece.

Happiness Writes White (37k): Yuuri falls asleep after his first day in St. Petersburg and wakes up in a strange hospital room. To his dismay, the last year of skating has all been a dream simulation designed to wake him from a long coma. Viktor Nikiforov is, in fact, not a figure skater at all, but the creator of the program, and this real world Viktor is nothing like the one he knows.

and you knew what it was (he is in love) (204k): Here's what's normal for Katsuki Yuuri: playing Quidditch, practicing spells, keeping to himself.

Here's what's not normal for Katsuki Yuuri: transferring to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in his fourth year and getting to know his idol, International Quidditch Star Viktor Nikiforov. 

But maybe there's a reason they say love is the greatest magic of all. [Harry Potter AU]

All Our Yesterdays (1M): York, England, 2120: Yuuri Katsuki is a dime-a-dozen techie, spending his days doing routine repairs at the university. He hangs out with his friend Phichit, goes for a drink, watches holograms. It’s an existence – but is it a life?

Crowood Castle, Yorkshire, 1392: As the son of a baron, Sir Victor Nikiforov makes judgements where lives hang in the balance. As a knight, he must sometimes end them. It’s what he was born to do – but what of the heavy burden on his soul? Death is all too commonplace, while life and love remain elusive.

When a brilliant scientist goes rogue, journeying to the Middle Ages with the world’s first time machine, Yuuri is stunned to be called on as the last hope of preventing her from changing history. After an abrupt departure, he lands at Crowood Castle disguised as an enemy of the Nikiforovs, Sir Justin le Savage – and will need to act the part if he is to survive. It’s a tall order for someone who can barely tell the back end of a horse from the front. But if Ailis, in her own disguise, discovers who he is, his mission will end in a blaze of laser-gun fire. He must not give his real identity away, even to the beguiling knight he’s falling in love with…

[cheekygreenty]

Good 4 u - The Darkling x Reader

Here’s a draft I found, I remember quickly writing this on the train home from college, listening to Olivia Rodrigo’s song on repeat until I got sick of it. Enjoy bahahahah 😂😂

Alina this, Sun-Summoner that, Sankta Alina the other. It was annoying to constantly hear her name on other people's lips, Aleksander's especially. You should have known his obsession with her would turn into love but you were blind.

He said she was nothing worth his salt, Alina is the key to more power, he would say before he proclaimed his eternal love for you, showering you in love and pleasure. When your relationship fell apart and your heart broke, he took a piece of you with him, the temperate part, the side of you that was calm and rational. For now you were the walking form of resentment. He never cheated but this was much worse.

Aleksander didn't seem fazed, at all. No tears for the death of so many good memories, no sadness for the end of a chapter in his life. Maybe he experienced time differently from you because who in Saint's name pursues somebody so quickly after a breakup? Somebody who's already sure of their feelings long before they change their life around.

You held back your gags as you watched the two fawn over each other at the Winter Fete. She wore his color, black, and you had to admit she looked half decent in it too. You didn't hate her, she never did anything to you. But him, Oh saints you would kill him where he stood if you could. He looked happy, unlike you. It's like we never even happened, what the fuck is up with that?

There was a time when he looked at you like that, eyes full of adoration and love. Now he looked right through you, treating you like a stranger. 'He took out the trash' Zoya shrugged when you drunkenly told her what happened. Maybe she was right, maybe he never even loved me, maybe I was there to pass the time.

He was so unaffected by your break up it made you livid. Every glance spared in his direction radiated anger and disgust. You didn't even try to hide it anymore.

Your demonstration was about to begin. You were helping the Inferni twins show off your fire skills before Alina would end the show with a bang. You didn't care for parties shared with the Grand Palace and were guaranteed to leave right after your little firecracker of a performance, but some part of you itched to stay until the end.

You could see Polina get up on a small pedestal, signaling for you to get to yours. Aleksander stepped to the side, Alina at his arm. Gross. The power beamed off of him, he was doing good without me. What a shame.

You played around with the twins, completely forgetting the room of diplomats and even Aleksander, who never spared you a look. The fire felt good on your hands, swaying from side to side as you molded the element in your hands before splitting it in two, shooting it at the twins. Using your powers gave you a sense of calm and peace, but it never rid you of the rage you felt. Maybe you were too emotional.

You got down with a smile as the claps eased out. You went to leave, eager to leave the stiff atmosphere of the room. At least you showed up. But his voice made you stop at the door. Instead of it giving you a shiver of pleasure, it straightened your spine in defense.

'Her name is Alina Starkov' Someone pass me a bucket. His hands came together, submerging the room into darkness. Alina began her show, the light letting you catch a glimpse of him. As opposed to the entirety of the room, you only had eyes for him. He looked at her as if she was a goddess, he worshipped her. Fury rose in you. He looked at me like that first, or was it a lie? Maybe he never cared.

You wished for nothing more than for Alina to reject him, see him for the man he truly is. If he could play you the way he did then Saint's knows what he'll do to the poor young girl. You were headstrong and stubborn and he still managed to screw you over despite your built-up walls.

But what if they last? He'll have more power, the Sun-Summoner by his side and Ravka under his rule. And you'll still be you. An Inferni with a grudge.

Before you knew it, the room returned to its previous state and the diplomats were bowing down to their Sankta. You missed the whole thing brooding over Aleksander, who still stared at Alina like she was the air he needed to breathe.

You scoffed and walked away, not wanting to be in the same room as him anymore. What a dick. You strode around the Little Palace trying to cool down. One champagne glass turned into two then five. Still you felt the nagging tickle of anger. You suddenly heard shouts and signs of a fight, racing over to the room it was coming from. Even tipsy, the soldier in you replied immediately.

'This is for Zlatan' You ran through the door seeing an oprichniki slicing Alina's throat open. Oh Saint's no. You pounced on the man, quickly catching sight of Genya already on the floor tending to Alina. Apparently, you weren't the only one who heard the scuffle as the General's guards flooded the hallway, taking the rogue soldier from you. Your mind snapped back into reality, searching for Alina but finding a young Inferni in the black kefta. A double for security. Smart.

'Inform the General' Genya spoke, leaning over the body. Your blood ran cold, he would probably ignore you. But you did as she asked, running to where you saw him last. You searched for his black kefta in the sea of extravagantly dresses diplomats. You spotted Ivan chatting in the corner with Fedyor, 'Ivan where is the General?' You hid your blood-stained hands behind your back in an attempt to prevent unnecessary panic. 'In his quarters' He nodded his head towards the big double doors.

You walked away with a mumbled thank you. In his quarters. If Alina's absence was any indication of what he was doing, it would be a miracle if you didn't slap him the second you got the chance.

Your knock was sharp and loud in contrast to your shaking hands. Then you heard it, her laugh. You've got to be kidding me. Your bloody hands braced themselves against the doorframe, clutching the wood for dear life. Better the door than his face. As his face passed in your mind, the door opened just a tad, his body towering over your own. The smile he wore quickly washed away, replaced with a stern look.

'Y/N what are yo-' You stopped him with a signal of your hand, you didn't have the patience.

'Marie got attacked in the fitting room. She's dead. He's detained.' He looked at you passively, obviously wishing it was anyone but you knocking on his door right now.

'Wait here'

He shut the door again. But you could make out his conversation with Alina in the dead quiet of the hallway. You sent a silent prayer to the Saints about your previous argument. Let her see him for what he is.

You slowly backed away from the door, not wanting to hear anymore. You heard his boots step out into the hallway and took his silence as a sign to walk ahead to where the man was being kept. For you, the tension was awkward and insufferable but for him it was probably normal, although you knew he felt your pulsating rage.

There was nobody on this side of the Palace, his quarters weren't available to everybody and that made you thankful because what you were about to do would definitely be regarded as treason.

He didn't have time to register you turning around or the hand that slapped him across the cheek.

The noise echoed down the hallway, your hand stung, maybe that was too hard.

His jaw clenched but he didn't retalaite. Why was his ignorance such a trigger for you? It was what started this, him pretending you didn't exist caused you to fly off the walls.

You shoved his chest with all your might. Do something. He let you push him away but never looked you in the eyes.

'Are you going to say something?' You were furious, venom dripped from your words but had no effect on him. 'The big bad Aleksander lost for words? First I've ever seen it'

He turned his head towards you, looking into your eyes for the first time in weeks. It surprised you because you didn't miss it.

'What do you want me to say?' His voice was void of any emotion, no anger or pain, his composure never dropping. He was the complete opposite of you. Saints, you were the crazy ex.

You didn't reply. The truth was you didn't know what you wanted him to say. Nothing he could muster would fix this situation. His actions were irreversible and Alina was still in his chambers, the room where so many of your fondest memories took place.

'I wish to transfer to a camp. Permenantly.' You had been mulling over the decision for days now. You had put in a request with Ivan a week ago but never got an answer.

'I need you here teaching the students' So Ivan did send it on. Was this another one of his ways of ignoring you?

'Tough. I don't want to be here.' You faced your choices with logic. Your anger would never go away, the hurt of your first love betraying you soaked deep into your bones. Aleksander was immortal, he would never leave this Palace. You had no other option. He sighed loudly.

'Y/N let's keep our personal and work li-' You went for another slap, he deserved it, but this time he caught your hand mid-air, pushing you away gently. You walked backward, disgust turning in your stomach at the response your body had to his touch. He was an amplifier and the surety he brought you would always be there regardless of your feeling for him. You hated it.

'Good for you Aleksander. You got the girl, the power.... at least let me have something' Your voice cracked slightly. You wouldn't cry in front of him.

'I'll have Ivan sort it out'

With that, you left the hallway, completely forgetting about the task at hand, happy to finally have a day where he didn't cross your path.

Aleksander stood there watching your back as you walked away from him. You would never know the pain and anguish he felt every time somebody mentioned you, or when he thought of you. He loved you deeply, more than anything in this world, so he had to let you go. He would hate himself if anything happened to you in his fight for Ravka and Grisha, so he had to push you away.

He was selfish for ignoring you but also keeping you around. He knew it hurt you to see him around Alina, he knew all of it. He truly did. But he was too greedy. His own actions were confusing him. Push her away, make her hate you but keep her safe, keep her with you. It was impossible, either one or the other.

As you rounded the corner, he memorized you, all of you. It would be his last memory of you.

'Good for you Y/N, leave me and be safe'

My masterlist 🖤

Taglist ( tell me if you want to be added!)

@theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @lostysworld @0-artemis @exo-1204 @staradorned @bookfrog242 @simp-for-ben-barners @keepdaydreamingbb @acciorudolphx @pansysgirlfriend @pansysgirlfriend

[filthycasualhobbies]

The beginning (as yet untitled)

A/N: I have really been struggling with my writing lately, but recently was struck by an idea, the beginning of the story I 'teased' with the Secret Game bit, and made the effort to put myself in a position to actually write it. Some quiz determined I write from melancholy and that seems to be true, I love misery in my writing. The beginning of this beginning is quite sad, but ends well :) I hope you enjoy reading it and forgive me my liberties and inconsistencies <3

I thank you all for your kind words on the previous entry, I really appreciate the encouragement!!!! <3

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You sit near the entrance of your bunker staring blankly into the timefall. Inches away and you could end it just like they did.

It had been almost a month since that day. Your eyes drift to the edge of the cliff a few meters away, remembering the way their body had crumpled to the ground, wrinkled and desiccated despite the rain. Had they smiled? Smiled as they left the world in what they must have thought as peace. Smiled as they left you. Alone. You guess they figured they were doing you a favor, you were better off.

You should have known when they'd kissed you and held you tighter and longer than they were usually wont to. No. You'd known. You'd known it was goodbye and that's why you had followed them. Up the stairs, to the door, watching them pause at the edge of the metal, the flash of lightning illuminating their figure briefly. The following deafening crack of thunder had drowned out your screams of objection and they had walked out into the downpour.

It took a long while for the timefall to corrupt them, but they hadn't cried out, hadn't seemed to show any sign of pain. You'd watched the whole process, morbidly fascinated but too terrified to step out into the rain yourself, too terrified to drag them back and by the time you had almost plucked up enough courage to perhaps seek some timefall resistant gear and grab them, it was too late and a new terror clutched at your heart. The timefall wasn't letting up and you couldn't let them go necro and create a BT. Not here. Had they not considered that? Had they actually wanted to take you with them in the end? Coward. Selfish. The threat of having a BT just outside your door had motivated you enough to seek that gear and drag their body up the hillside where it might, at the very least, not get in anyone's way considering you didn't have the wherewithal to burn it. It had been slow going, and you had had to run back to the shelter as you noticed the material of your gear starting to erode, but you knew that the body was safe where it was; on an outcropping of rock overlooking your bunker.

Just as you're about to turn your gaze in that vague direction a sudden flicker of distant light in the murky air catches your eye. It looks like an odradek and you figure it's heading for a timefall shelter somewhere close in the valley.

It reminds you that you're running out of supplies. In your grief you hadn't been making any orders or answering any mail. It didn't matter, you're just another bunker, no one really knows you, and neither you nor they had ventured out much. You raise your eyes to the grey skies wondering what it had felt like to just walk out into the rain. It's as though your hand rises of its own volition, reaching out towards the seemingly innocent drops of water, the shimmering curtain they form just inches from your fingertips. They are so close to touching, to feeling...

Another flash of light below on the overgrown path to your bunker has you retracting your hand, standing to retreat slowly back toward the door, ready to bolt inside should whoever is heading your way prove hostile. It's clearly an odradek, but who would be crazy enough to be running around in this downpour? It's possible it's a rogue MULE, lunatic enough to go -looking- for something to grab, but as the scanner appears once more you calm yourself. It's blue, not yellow and now you're even more confused. What was a -Porter- doing out here?

You watch the porter make their way up the path, wondering if perhaps they had simply erred in their route and had meant to be closer to the creek nearby, but as they turn towards the bunker, you can only wait and see what they are here for. Their hooded, masked face raises to appraise their destination and they appear to pause a moment before approaching. Shortly they're past the perimeter beacons and standing before you just beyond the bunker's edge.

"You Y/N?"

You cross your arms defensively shiftingly slighty toward the door, appraising the stranger. "Yes, that's me. What are you doing here?"

The porter shrugs. "Got some deliveries for you. Folks down at the distro seemed to think you might be in some trouble as they hadn't gotten any orders from here for a bit."

Your chest tightens at this news, you weren't so forgotten after all. His voice wasn't familiar, but it had a charming twang. "It couldn't have waited until the weather changed? It's dangerous to be out in this kind of weather, the BT's..."

The stranger chuckles softly, mostly to himself it seems. "I could say the same to you. Strange to see someone outside their bunker. Anyway it's all good, I do better than most in this kind of situation and it was marked 'urgent' so I figured I'd take it." He turns his head, appearing to appraise the weather. "Say, do you mind if I step inside? My gear is pretty decent, but won't last forever in this shit."

Abashed, you beckon him into the terminal area. "Sorry, I'm really not used to visitors, well haven't been..."

"It's alright," he sighs, taking a moment to pull back his hood. Bright blue eyes gaze at you from the mask a moment before he pulls it off, tucking it under his arm. He smiles as he runs a gloved hand through his mussed dark blonde hair. The gesture instantly reassures you and you return it. "Name's Peter. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Y/N. Now, what would you like me to do with these packages?"

[featherfur]

Meng Yao should have been around when Jiang Cheng was running around with his head cut off trying to make disciples out of rogues and convince everyone to get started on the war. I just think he’d see this, probably manic, idiot who needs help and is 100% willing to be bossed around and who really doesn’t care about Meng Yao station in life because he’s just fucking desperate and wants to die but can’t because Yanli and just go “actually I’m interested”. Because Jiang Cheng would riot if he knew Meng Yao wanted to go back to his dad, and well Jiang Cheng is very pathetic when he thinks he’s being left behind (“You’re leaving me for the Jin just like Shijie? Tears and loud words for you! Tears and loud words dor a thousand years!”)

And Meng Yao would have a spot in Lotus Pier where he is VERY clearly wanted, he probably doesn’t become sworn brothers with anyone (or LXC and NMJ realize that no one needs to give the Jin any more influence and become sworn brothers with Jiang Cheng) unless it’s Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian (unfortunately WWX will still probably be killed or hunted at the very least but atleast Qin Su is alive? Maybe having MY around will help calm JC into the fact that LWJ wants to bang his brother and help him so JC can convince WWX to let LWJ atleast play for him, then maybe WWX can accidentally let slip about him already destroying one half and LWJ can help destroy the other half… Dunno if the Wen Remnants survive either sorry, honestly I don’t know if anyone can stop JGS in the long run)

So there’s two ways this goes: (under read more I have Thoughts)

Meng Yao DOES go to the Jin Sect still because JC gets wanting your Dad’s Approval even when he’s a dick AND he protects Yanli who immediately adopted him when JC showed up to the war with him. Without being stuck between a Rock and a Hard place (sorry NMJ not everyone is a annoyingly stubborn with their morals as you and MY is being hurt :( leave him alone :(( ) MY is able to continue being pressured without breaking and even though JGS keeps trying to get him to manipulate JC, MY won’t and won’t manipulate NMJ either and every time he goes to Lotus Pier to ‘look into’ the Jiang Sect he actually just spends the week being plied with children and listening to Jiang Cheng explain the fashion industry Again and talk about silks vs cashmeres vs wool so he just gets a vacay and is more prepared to stand up against his dad.

Also JC and Yanli catch on pretty quick to Madam Jin abusing MY because they were there after Madam Yu would hurt WWX and they know the signs of trying to hide the pain and Yanli suddenly starts Show Up whenever Madam Jin tries anything because that is her Didi now and she will protect him and if anyone ELSE tries to mess with him she will rip them apart like when Jin Zixun tries to bother WWX.

JGS does eventually manage to frame something on WWX but MY intervenes immediately by telling JC the truth and without the ‘did my kinda insane PTSD ridden brother so this?” Panic thoughts JC gets his people and is waiting for the force of Jin and smaller sects, with his two sworn brothers on either side. Because yeah NMJ absolutely hates the Wen but can he really ignore LXC and JC? Plus NHS on the side? He’s only there to protect WWX, anyone else can get fucked and even then he’s only protecting WWX because JC asked him too because NMJ thinks WWX sucks for choosing the wens because he’s very much of the one track ‘the wens suck’ mind. MY pretends he has no idea what’s going on but he does summon Jin Zixuan on ‘accident’ who shows up, annoyed he had to leave his kid, and is like “are we really going to accuse Nie Mingjue, known Wen hater, of protecting Wei Wuxian and lying about his innocence? Because his sword is the same size as my body and I’d rather Not”

(okay he’s more polite and subtle but that’s the gist) somehow Jin Guangshan dies, I’m voting Yanli poisoned him because I think Meng Yao is 100% willing at this point to simply take the abuse because Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen aren’t essentially telling him to murder his father and that he’s stupid for not holding harder to his morals (sorry NMJ,,, you just,, I love you but MY is hurting and he’s not as stabby as you) NMJ is still very much crankily telling him his dad sucks whenever they meet but Jiang Cheng gets all sparkly whenever MY is around because MY will say he’s Doing Good, so there’s only so much room before JC start just biting anyone who even looks at MY wrong. (NMJ says he’s proud of JC once and JC just starts crying and NMJ UnderstandsTM why MY won’t leave him alone)

But Yanli has to be the one to kill him because MY wouldn’t because he’s a filial son and probably hasn’t lost his hope he will be Loved, Jin Zixuan wouldn’t because he’s like the only one in the entire show not down with murder, Madam Jin is not about to give up the power and money that comes from being the wife of Jin Guangshan even if JZX would take care of her because Yanli clearly is willing to rip everyone apart who fucks with her family and unlike Jiang Cheng is willing to change the status quo, and if JGS dies on a hunt they’ll blame WWX so Yanli just poisons him slowly and he dies from ‘illness’. JZX takes power, Meng Yao is told he’s amazing twelve times a day because JZX can do busy work and argue against anyone but he cannot have a small talk conversation to save his life. Life continues peacefully, Jiang Cheng keeps kidnapping JZX’s advisor because he misses him. Meng Yao knows how to control literally every single great sect but he’s busy chasing down his nephews and helping Jiang Cheng avoid marriage offers to do anything.

Once Jin Guangshan died, LXC and MY both swooped in to have the Wen Remnants moved somewhere else to ‘civilize’ them (using LXC’s own words here) and WWX is very much caught between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji arguing over who he’s going home with and he’s honestly never felt more Loved TM. WWX spends six months to break the rest of the tiger rally under the grumpy/watchful eye of NMJ who still isn’t happy anyone from the Wen’s is still alive but he’s weak to puppy eyes and also when he’s being strong armed by his sworn brothers, MY, and NHS (though he still keeps an eye on the actual cultivators, he’s pretty much forgotten the rest of the Wen Remnants exist he just cares about the ones who know how to use a sword). Wangxian happens, idk how I’m voting for a wild Jingyi another orphan decides that he wants to meet the Purple Angry Man and body slams into WWX’s legs trying to get to the Purple man and LWJ catches him and it’s a full on romantic moment of staring into each other’s eyes while Jiang Cheng makes disgusted noises and Meng Yao pats his hand and just tells him to accept it.

Or Meng Yao stays in Lotus Pier because Jiang Cheng has problems and Meng Yao loves a messy loudmouth aggressive bitch with a secret heart of gold. Also Jiang Cheng is the exact kind of Demi-aroace dummy to not realize Meng Yao has a crush on LXC and keeps sending him over to Cloud Recesses to help with trade or something and MY gets to hang out with his crush constantly.

MY is Jiang Cheng’s personal advisor since WWX is currently refusing to process his trauma and staying in a very traumatic place. MY does try to help but WWX doesn’t trust him and probably only half trusts him around JC, BUT MY is very good with kids and helps work with JC on how to slip WWX supplies while negotiating directly with Nie and Lan without Jin glaring over him this time, and Jin Zixuan is more than happy to help when he can because again he’s just like the only one with modern morals and wants Lotus Pier to be strong since if all the sects fall then well the fucking demons/ghosts they hunt will eat them. So WWX is slowly atleast not ready to kill him, Meng Yao finds out WWX already destroyed half the Tiger Tally and tries to get him to let NMJ and LXC help him destroy it further (because that ties the three sects closer and so WWX won’t just stab someone if someone isn’t happy about the Wen’s existing)

Yanli poisons Jin Guangshan again because I think that’s the best way for him to go, Meng Yao does grieve but also that lasts for three minutes before Jiang Cheng shows up with some children he found in Yunmeng and Meng Yao needs to explain to him again that just because the kid latches on doesn’t mean you can take them home. But with JGS out of the way it’s a lot easier to strong arm NMJ into letting the Lan take the remnants (JC and NMJ still aren’t happy about it but NMJ can’t fight the three other sects and JC is getting his brother back and he’ll take the Wen living if that means WWX is too) and WWX returns to Lotus Pier. The truth of the golden core comes out probably via WWX having a flashback or panic attack or something (or that one theory of Yanli knowing,,,) words happen, WWX storms off to find LWJ.

Meng Yao wonders why he likes messy cry babies but still helps out Jiang Cheng because they’re technically brother in laws and also because he really does care about him. Wangxian happens and now Jiang Cheng is really pissed but WWX also said he wasn’t going to just up and leave so they’re on a rotating system but honestly everyone’s just waiting for them to move permanently to Lotus Pier because Lan Wangji has this giant hole in his heart for kids who love Wei Wuxian and Lotus Pier is filled with kids who are Jiang and therefore are insane ans love WWX.

Personally I think this one is the least likely but it sounds very nice right?

[moonlightsapphic]

I’ve always been a tiny bit allergic to weddings.

I grew up with social anxiety, and desi weddings involve days of (often quite sexist) loud, flashy, stuffy and crowded ceremonies, usually with unbelievably long guest lists of extended family, friends and colleagues. I had to be dragged to them as a child.

So whenever someone told me, “I’d love a big wedding,” I’d get skeptical. Surely no one wants to be put through an experience that horrendous?

I was nineteen and with my boyfriend of three years at the time when an older friend said to me. “You know, I used to think I hated big weddings too. But turned out, deep down I was just hesitant to think of marrying the guy I was with. Our relationship was extremely toxic. But I wasn’t ready to admit that yet. Living in quiet denial and telling myself I just wanted a court marriage was easier.”

That was just one of the many, many little signs, events and ordeals that lead to my painful, drawn-out breakup with my high school boyfriend that I’d thought I’d marry someday.

I have zero regrets. I’m glad I escaped his emotionally abusive clutches.

Right now, I’m seven months into a relationship with my best friend of three years. I was twenty and she was twenty-one when we began dating. We were no longer teenagers. We each knew what we wanted in a partner, and we found it in each other. Things just make sense with her in a way some part of me thought it would be near-impossible to find in another human being. We are undoubtedly soulmates, weirdly similar, and have always been crazy fans of each other’s successes. We make each other laugh until we can’t breathe, we make each other feel safe and wanted in terms of physical intimacy, we follow up on each other’s lives constantly around a whopping twelve-hour time difference. (Cue the long-distance lesbian relationship memes. I live abroad for university.)

I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said she teaches me, with every passing day, what it is to work together to gently nurture a healthy relationship, and watch it gradually grow.

(PSA: That amazing girlfriend whom you’re too scared to be gay for? Girl, ask her out. In most cases, you’ll have more to gain than to lose.)

My girlfriend and I come from different religious backgrounds (a big no-no in our country, usually). She’s Hindu and I’m Muslim, but it’s amazing how little that matters to us. The way we personally practice our faiths, the lifestyles that we would like to have in the future are strikingly similar: vegan, as environment-friendly as possible, a couple furry friends (she’s a dog-person and I’m a cat person), a child (hopefully a daughter!) maybe when we’re equipped to have one, a cozy little home of our own in a quiet city abroad, traveling to new places in vacations, working for social welfare in the sidelines of our STEM jobs …

What I want to say here is this: If we were a heterosexual couple, we’d be mapping out our futures already, and telling our families (and friends) about each other.

But we’re not. We’re a gay couple in a country where queer people can be killed for coming out. Only two of our mutual friends know about us. We’re afraid that any more and the word may spread through town.

Neither of our families will ever understand.

We will be labeled crazy, perverted, in need of help, gone rogue from western influence, irresponsible, selfish traitors that are blind to our families’ hurt.

I still do not dream of a big wedding.

This time, I simply do not have the luxury to be able to picture it, in even my wildest dreams.

But the thought of, maybe someday, saying “I do,” to the love of my life in the quiet office of a court Justice; the thought of, maybe someday, looking into her chestnut eyes and knowing we’re going to be outcasts together, to have and to hold from that day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish—It keeps me going. It keeps my fighting through every bad day to next good one when I’ll get to tell her again I love her, and know that—even though I’m young, even though there’s such a long, uncertain road ahead of me—I have never meant it more for anyone else.

[uwurakax]

story of us ♡

pairing: atsumu x f!reader ♡

genre: angst // exes // mutual pining ♡

summary: at an inarizaki volleyball club reunion, you have the unfortunate displeasure of meeting your ex. you swore you’d be fine, you got over him years ago right? ♡

word count: 2k ♡

author’s note: sort of proofread hahwbaha - also not super angsty but yanno haha. been into writing again hehe ♡

♡ (inspired by the story of us by taylor swift) ♡

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, don’t worry! I’ll see you tonight okay?”

It was only for one night, you could survive a few hours right? You sure hoped so. You quickly hung up on Suna, praying that he didn’t hear the waver in your voice. You were sure if you didn’t end the call when you did, he’d have had you figured out.

It’s not like you were dreading this, you had prepared for this night, it was inevitable; it had been planned for months. Were you honestly just kidding yourself? Probably, but you were certain that for just tonight you would be fine. It had been years since Miya Atsumu had broken your heart, and you wouldn’t let those feelings resurface. You promised yourself that you wouldn’t be sad or angry anymore.

“Tsumu.. what?”

“I just don’t think we should stay together after graduation you know?”

“But why?!”

“We’re both going in different directions and it just seems like the best thing for us. I’m sorry, I really am Y/N, good luck with everything”

It was awkward and ugly. You watched your first love walk away from you. Heavy tears cascaded down your face. Black eyeliner and mascara smudged from your fingers rubbing against your eyes in an attempted to stop them from watering even further. It sucked. Just a few moments ago you were celebrating finally being free of high school and going on with a new chapter in your life with your now ex boyfriend. Now you were here, with your eyes swollen and red, and your heart utterly shattered.

You never bothered with love after that.

You shook off the painful memory, deciding that it didn’t matter anymore. That was in the past, this was the present. Looking in the mirror to apply a gorgeous rogue lipstick you noticed your eyes start to slowly tear up. You supposed it didn’t matter how long ago it was, or how hard you desperately tried to forget.

Your heart would still hurt over it’s first holder.

You opted to go for a natural glam look - not something too much, but you wanted to look a little bit different than how you normally did on the daily. Part of you also wanted to show Atsumu just exactly what he let go. Was it petty? Sure, but you figured you earned it a little bit. With a classic little black dress, black strappy heels and red bag, you were ready to make your way to Onigiri Miya.

The Uber ride did little to ease your nerves. The closer you got to Osamu’s establishment, the closer you were to seeing him again. You honestly didn’t want to see Atsumu ever again, already rueful that you even agreed to come to the reunion. You guessed you owed it to the other members; you were the manager back in High School, and why should you let one jerk ruin seeing the friendly faces of the team again? Who knows when you all would be free again? Everyone was so busy nowadays, perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad. Besides, you could ignore Atsumu tonight. No one would ever blame you for it - they all knew what he did graduation night.

The car suddenly stopped, bringing you out of your thoughts. You muttered a quick ‘thank you’ to the driver and slowly got out of the car. Your heart was pounding in anticipation, almost like it could feel the familiar presence of the one who owned it long ago. You wished your heart and head could be in sync, but one was reminding you of the hurt and pain that he inflicted, while the other yearned him despite it.

You took a deep inhale, steadying yourself. You could see the old volleyball team through the windows of Osamu’s restaurant, noting that you were in fact last to arrive. You didn’t want to admit it, but your eyes lingered on your old lover more than they should have.

Finally deciding that you couldn’t stay out in the middle of the street much longer (and the fact that you didn’t wear a jacket), you made your way to the building. Your heels clicking and clacking against the pavement, almost like a beat of impending doom. You couldn’t help but be a little dramatic; after all, what were you to do - you were about to see the only guy you had ever loved and he just so happened to have stepped on your heart.

It was surprisingly easy for you to plaster a smile on your face, greeting your old teammates with warm hugs and a beaming grin. You could’ve almost fooled yourself into thinking that you no longer felt any pain or resentment. That was until you briefly caught Atsumu’s figure in the corner of your eye. The awkwardness and tension was slowly rising inside of you. It was only for a split second but that was enough. You both locked eyes with each other for just a moment, before you both pulled your gazes away.

It was a lie, you weren’t fine at all.

For the entirety of the night, you ignored Atsumu. In fact, you completely disregarded his presence, pretending that he didn’t even exist.

And he did the same to you.

You silently gave your heart an apology, utterly siding with your head. You didn’t know whether this was the right choice, but it was yours nonetheless, and you weren’t going to back out of it now. You weren’t sure if the rest of the guys could sense the cold war between the both of you, though it wouldn’t surprise you if they did.

And they surely did.

It wasn’t that hard to note from everyone else that the ex lovers were tiptoeing around each other. Often noting the minuscule glances the both of you gave one another while the other wasn’t looking. It wasn’t hard to note that the both of you were so firmly stubborn, and refused to even say anything more than a greeting, which was definitely half-assed on both parties.

It wasn’t hard to see the anxiousness on both of your faces when the only available seat just happened to be next to you, and Atsumu had to awkwardly shuffle his way to the chair and plop down quietly.

It wasn’t hard for anyone to see that the both of you were still stupidly in love with each other.

They couldn’t tell if it did or didn’t make any sense. You and Atsumu were that couple. The high school sweethearts. The ones so in love, everyone else thought that you’d both actually make it. It definitely came as a huge shock when Atsumu had broken the news to his closest friends. Osamu could barely hear his twin on the phone, the hiccuping and sobs sounded foreign to him. What he could make out, however, was Atsumu saying “I let her go ‘Samu” followed by a burst of tears.

With both of your backs to one another, you continued on, as if you both weren’t there. It honestly hurt the rest of them to see. The once happy couple, who couldn’t keep their hands off of each other were now scooted on the edge of their seats, desperately grasping at any amount of space they could.

Did either of you know that neither one of you had dated, or been with anyone else since?

You kept chatting away, noting that the end of the night was dawning upon you, and that after this you’d never have to see Atsumu again - at least not for a long while. The night wasn’t all that terrible, and you supposed if this were to ever happen in the future once more, you wouldn’t be apposed to coming again. You felt a slight pang in your chest at that revelation. But it was what you wanted right? You were so dubious about this reunion because of him in the first place, it didn’t make sense to feel this way. You tried to brush it away - your heart couldn’t get what it wanted. One day it would lose his sense, and find another to beat for. The world was a big place, and even though it hadn’t found another, it would.

One day. It was all you could hope for.

As the last few minutes of the reunion drained on, members of the team excitedly decided to spend it taking group pictures. It all happened so fast and so quick, that you didn’t even register everyone piling in together. A phone set up on the counter, and bodies squished together. You had completely forgotten you were situated next to Atsumu. You couldn’t move, no matter how much you wanted to.

It was only for a few minutes, you could endure it.

Suddenly, you were accidentally pushed. Your heels making you unstable, and you tripped right into Atsumu. Both of his hands intertwined with yours, so naturally. It was the contact your heart was craving for all night. You muttered a quick sorry before promptly turning away from him.

For some reason, neither of you had let go of your hands closest to each other. You figured for just one last time, you’d indulge in the feeling of him, and that for once, you’d listen to what your heart wanted.

You smiled, did silly poses, stuck out your tongue, threw up peace signs and everything you could think of. And as you all got ready for one final picture, Atsumu squeezed your hand.

You didn’t hesitate to squeeze his right back.

And after a last click you all cheered and clapped, so thankful that tonight happened. Regrettably, you both had to let go. You savoured his touch, wanted to ingrain his fingerprints in your mind. He no longer made you angry or frustrated. The last few moments made you relive your happiest memories with him. It felt like such a shame to let it go, but you had to. You knew deep down, that your heart would never desire anybody else; but he made that choice long ago. There was nothing you could do anymore.

You’d now go on and pretend like he never existed, like you had been for years. You wondered if it was easy for him. It must’ve been really: he was rich, famous and you weren’t blind to the fact that he just looked better than ever. You were sure girls were fawning over him left, right and centre.

Once your Uber arrived, you quickly bid the boys a goodbye, telling them to enjoy the rest of their night. You were sure they were heading to a bar, and you didn’t want to impose on being the only girl. You’d let them have their boys night. You ducked out, your heels tapping, and the chime bell ringing above the door signalling your exit as you bounced out of sight.

Atsumu could only sigh at your departure secretly wishing that you’d come back and bound into his arms. But thats all it was, wishful thinking.

“Are you really just gonna let her go again?”

Atsumu turned to his brother with a sad smile.

“There’s nothing I can do. I can’t go back in time, and besides, she hates me and has since graduation. As much as I want to, I can’t do anything. Anyway got any booze?”

Atsumu brushed past everyone to head into the restaurants kitchen, hoping to find some form of alcohol to dull his senses and momentarily forget about you. He’s sure if he stayed any longer out there, he would’ve cracked. He was the one to end it, he didn’t have the right to go after you. It had been years, he’s sure you’d have moved on anyway. At least he got to see you tonight, and as short lived as it was, he was glad he got to hold your hand one last time.

Miya Atsumu had broken your heart, and you wouldn’t let those feelings resurface.

You smiled bitterly, looking out at the passing city lights, noting that that had indeed been true, because those feelings never left.

[jbbarnesnnoble]

Echoes of Goodbye

Summary: In the aftermath of Vienna, Steve tells you that you’re not going with him to find Bucky. Your relationship lay in ruins and an unexpected pregnancy puts you on the sidelines. With the threat of Thanos on the horizon, you reunite with the team to end the threat once and for all and know, your secret won’t be a secret for long.

Features/Warnings: Angst; reader is a mom

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Reader

Notes: First Steve Week fic!

Word Count: 1833

“If you leave me here, we’re done,” you had said to him. Blue eyes met yours, a battle being waged in his mind.

“Then I guess we’re done,” he said. Steve had left you in Vienna, taking Sam with him to hunt down Bucky. According to him, it was too dangerous for you to go with him. But it was perfectly fine for Sam to go with him. You went to Natasha, went to Tony, and did the one thing you promised Steve you wouldn’t. You signed the Accords. You didn’t support them, but the pressure was on. If luck was on your side, amendments could be made.

He was angry when he saw you in Berlin, standing side by side with Tony, ready to do whatever was necessary to take him in. You barely looked at him, instead, looking at those he had with him. Wanda. Clint. Sam. Scott. And Bucky. Bucky locked eyes with you, and you knew he knew who you were, who you were to Steve. Rather, who you had been.

You were snapped out of your memories by the sound of a baby crying. You hadn’t known in Berlin that you were pregnant. You wouldn’t find out for another three weeks and by then, Tony’s friendship with Steve lay in ruins in Siberia, with Steve and Bucky gone like ghosts. You headed into the nursery, picking your daughter up.

“Hey lovebug, what’s wrong, huh? You hungry?” you asked as you held her. You headed over to the rocking chair by the window, looking out at the compound grounds. The compound was quiet these days.

The team was still so fractured, with Clint back with his family, Sam, Natasha. and Wanda off wherever Steve was. Tony and Pepper lived in a cabin with their own bundle of joy on the way. It was just you and Rhodey most days, with Thor and Bruce still off-world. You knew Tony spoke to Steve occasionally, but with the former Captain America still on the run, it was a risk.

“How are you doing?” Rhodey asked. You shrugged, looking down at your daughter who was blissfully unaware of everything around her.

“I miss him sometimes. But he made his choice,” you said. He sighed.

“You know he was doing what he thought was right. He’s always been protective of you. When he saw you in Berlin...I don’t think he was angry you were fighting. He was angry you weren’t next to him and that was his own damn fault,” he said. You knew Rhodey’s thoughts on the matter had changed in the time since the Accords were signed. The division they caused wasn’t worth the paper the Accords had been written on. You were closer to having them overturned, to having the names of the so-called rogue Avengers cleared, but it took time.

“It doesn’t change things. Even if he were to come back...I don’t think I could forgive him,” you said as you glanced up at him from where you were seated in the rocking chair.

You had made Tony promise not to tell Steve. Your daughter’s birth had happened in seclusion. No hospital record to be had, just a birth certificate that bore only your name. If you had it your way, he would never know she existed. It was better that way, in your mind. He could never cause her pain by walking away if you never gave him the chance in the first place.

As you rocked in the chair, you watched out the window, knowing something was coming on the horizon, still unsure of what was going to happen.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t long before all hell broke loose. Only a week after your conversation with Rhodey, your world was thrown for a loop and back into the chaos of the fight. Thanos was a real threat and you entrusted care of your daughter to your parents. You couldn’t trust that the compound would be a safe place for her to stay. You were surprised when Steve and the others showed up at the compound. When he saw you, he looked conflicted. You were determined to cut him off at the pass, to let him know where you stood.

“You--,” he started speaking before you cut him off.

“I’m not speaking to you, Rogers. I’m here to save our goddamn planet,” you said. Bruce was looking between you two, still not entirely caught up on what had happened.

“Right,” he said. The flight was uncomfortable for you, tension thick in the air. You heard the whispered conversation between Bruce and Natasha, talking about what had happened, while skillfully avoiding the one thing Steve didn’t know. Bruce had seen your daughter before you brought her to your parents, not long before the others had shown up. The list of people who knew about her was a short one, and you preferred it that way.

“Ten minutes to wheels down,” Steve said, breaking the silence that had settled over the jet. You had been out of the field since Berlin, technically retired. You had been unsure of returning after your daughter was born, at least for a while. If there was ever anything worth pulling yourself out of retirement for, it was saving the world from Thanos.

When the jet landed in Wakanda, you hung back when he greeted Bucky, opting instead to glance around at the landscape before you. You had work to do. Distraction was not something you could afford. You knew the fight would be there before you knew it. You may have been out of the field, but you had kept up with your own training, always ready to head into the fight if you were needed. Some habits never died.

There wasn’t much time before everyone was in battle mode, ready to fight, to attempt to defeat Thanos before he could destroy everything. You simply nodded at Steve when he caught your eye as you all moved to meet the fight. You had to trust he’d have your back out there and he had to trust that you had his, despite all that had happened.

When the battle came to you, you shared a look with Thor. You only had one chance to end this. Coordinating with the god wordlessly, you were able to distract Thanos from him. You had powers that allowed you to control the elements, in whatever form they took, down to the smallest atom. A being as large as Thanos meant you were going to be exerting yourself as he tried to thwart your abilities.

“You...think you can defeat me?” Thanos forced out. You didn’t react immediately. You needed to focus until Thor could take aim. As you saw Thor move toward Thanos, you smirked.

“No. I know I can,” you said as Thor made his move. You grabbed the gauntlet as the titan fell, allowing Wanda to take it and destroy the stones. With their leader fallen, you knew his army would soon follow as you slumped over, exhaustion over taking you. It had been a long time since you’d had to use your abilities so extensively. Natasha was quick to be by your side. You could hear her tell someone to not get closer. You could only assume it was Steve.

“Come on, let’s get you checked out,” she said, helping you up. You nodded. You leaned against her, unsteady on your feet. It wasn’t long before you felt yourself passing out, vaguely hearing Natasha call out for help.

When you awoke, you were in a hospital bed. Someone was beside you, that much you could tell as you adjusted to the light of the room. You glanced to the side, unsure of how you felt when you saw Steve sitting there, fast asleep and looking like he hadn’t bothered changing in the wake of the battle.

“Ah, I see you’re awake. The Captain has been insistent on staying by your side, even after we assured him you would be fine. You simply needed rest after exerting yourself,” a voice came. You glanced toward the door. King T’Challa stood there. You hadn’t had much of an opportunity to speak with him before everything happened.

“That sounds about right,” you replied. You held a brief conversation with him before medical staff entered to check on you. It wasn’t long before Steve had woken up, just as a nurse finished writing something in your chart.

“You have to be the dumbest man alive to risk being in here,” you said before Steve could speak.

“I just--,” you cut him off before he could continue.

“No. My turn to talk. You left me, Steve. I was all in and you left me. I’m not some dainty princess in a tower that needs to be protected. I’m a goddamn Avenger. And you treated me like a fragile child. And that hurt. It was you and me together, not you deciding what I could and couldn’t do, what was too dangerous for me,” you told him, your voice low and full of anger.

“Nothing can ever take back what I did. As soon as I walked away I knew I made a mistake but I was too stubborn to admit to myself that I made a mistake. You are one of the strongest women I know. I was scared of losing you to the fight and in my mind it would be easier to lose you in my life than to never have the chance to see you again,” he explained. You sighed.

“You know how stupid that sounds right?” you asked. He nodded.

“I know. Nothing will ever make up for what I did. What I said,” he replied. The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes. Your phone was sat on the table beside the bed. You saw a notification come in from your mother. Steve glanced at the phone, brow furrowed as he read the message.

“Who’s lovebug? Did you get a dog or something?” Steve asked. You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped from you. You made a decision in that moment. If the two of you were going to be honest with each other, you knew you had to tell him.

“No. No, uh. Lovebug is a nickname. For our daughter,” you said. You watched as a range of emotions played across his face. Steve was never good at hiding his emotions when it came to you. You saw surprise. You saw hurt, confusion, anger, and finally, sadness.

“We have a daughter?” he asked, his voice cracking.

“Yeah. Before you ask, I didn’t know until after Berlin that I was pregnant. If I had known then, I wouldn’t have fought,” you told him.

Time ticked by as you and Steve talked. About Berlin. About your pregnancy, your daughter. You weren’t sure if the two of you would ever get back to where you’d been. But you knew it would be one step at a time.