#I know we're tired of this topic but I'm going to keep bringing it up until people base their analysis on what's actually in the books

[fromtheseventhhell]

One major factor missing from most debates on Arya and Lyanna's beauty is that they're being judged by their society's extremely patriarchal values. In both looks and personality, that context is essential to understanding how others perceive them. George explores the misogyny experienced by non-conforming women, especially with Arya, and it's interesting how he plays with that regarding their physical beauty.

Her mother used to say she could be pretty if she would just wash and brush her hair and take more care with her dress, the way her sister did. (The Blind Girl, ADWD) "You never knew Lyanna as I did, Robert," Ned told him. "You saw her beauty, but not the iron underneath. She would have told you that you have no business in the melee." (Eddard VII, AGOT)

These two quotes offer a nice summation of this idea. With Arya, her supposed lack of beauty is defined by her being a non-conforming wild child. Her hair is messy, her face is dirty, and she's often in "lower class" clothing while engaging in unladylike activities. None of this says anything about her physical beauty but it tells us everything about how she's perceived. Arya could be pretty...If she conforms to society's standards for a highborn Lady. With Lyanna, however, we get the opposite. Where Arya is judged based on her personality, Robert's romanticization of Lyanna is rooted solely in her looks. He doesn't know anything about the person she really was. There is an assumption that, because she looked a certain way, her personality must fit and Robert imagines her much softer and more passive than she actually was.

That Arya isn't pretty or Lyanna wasn't wild are two perceptions that George specifically pushes back against. This is where people miss the brilliance of them being linked as literary mirrors; it is largely about us learning more about Lyanna, but it touches on more than that. The significance of them being written as wild, willful, and with their own beauty is that George isn't writing his female characters around patriarchal expectations. When people debate their beauty, that's often the trapping they fall into. Beauty and non-conformity are treated as mutually exclusive factors when the story itself never makes that point; this is also the logic that leads people to the (incorrect) conclusion that Lyanna and Arya aren't meant to be similar. Arya's self-esteem issues around her looks and being a Lady make this a topic certain to be addressed in the future; George has made it a part of the story. The conclusion shouldn't be that "looks don't matter", but that looks aren't indicative of a character's value, personality, or morality.

[ssahotchnerr]

BAHAH pls i need a fic where ellie’s cockblocking gets to the point where aaron is desperately asking auntie penelope or jj to babysit her and jack for a night.. he would even entrust spencer for a few hours if nobody else was available just for some alone time😫🤭

on hiatus

this concept is so funny i love it cw; mentions of sex (nothing explicit), brief suggestive content, bau teasing aaron, reader referred to as mom, dad!aaron wc; 1k

"Can't you ask?"

"Well, I could." Aaron's gaze shot to the side, through the blinds and down into the bullpen.

"It wouldn't hurt, right? Because I don't know about you, but I can't wait another night." You exhaled, a slight buzzing effect coming through the phone as a result.

"I'm right there with you." Aaron admitted, resisting the urge to squirm in his seat. "I'm seconds away from reinstalling that damn crib."

"So ask. Anyways, I gotta go. Jack will be home soon, and I should get Ellie up so she does sleep tonight."

Aaron chuckled softly, his eyes finding the family photo framed on his desk. "Why does it not surprise me that for nap time, she'll stay in her bed."

"Stubborn. Just like her father."

After saying goodbye to you, Aaron exited his office, heading to where JJ, Penelope and Derek were all congregating. Their eyes rose as he approached.

"What brings you down here?" JJ asked, using her feet to twist her chair back and forth. "We're not dawdling, I swear."

He brushed past her playful - and untrue - comment. "Need a favor."

Brief distress flashed on Derek's face. "If it requires more paperwork, just give it to Reid."

Like you had said, there was no harm in asking. "It has nothing to do with paperwork. Just in need of a babysitter for tonight."

Penelope's hand shot up, eyes brightening. "Me."

"Big Friday night eh?" Derek wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "What's on the agenda, where the two of you headin'?"

"Nowhere." Aaron shrugged nonchalantly, a smidge of embarrassment heating his face. He was hoping he could persuade with minimal details. "It'll only be for a few hours. We just need them out of the house."

"Oh," JJ smirked after a moment, accompanied with a touch of sympathy. Out of all people, she would understand. "I see."

Aaron met her eyes, keeping his face still but with subtle pleading, hoping she'd tune into it. One that read: I'm begging you not to elaborate.

They were adults. It wasn't a topic of taboo. He just wasn't just too partial on openly discussing his sex life with his colleagues. Doesn't matter how long he's known them.

"Need some, mommy and daddy time, don't you?"

Aaron's stern expression continued to linger, but gradually softened in confirmation. He was tired; tired of waiting and being on the brink.

"No wonder you've been so grumpy."

Aaron shot Morgan a look, before stating his case. "Ellie's out of her crib now. She's learned that the world still continues to go on past bedtime."

"She's out of her crib?" Penelope aww'ed, her bottom lip pouting in bittersweetness.

"And comes into our room," Aaron paused, "every night."

For the first few nights, Ellie had stayed put; the excitement and newness of it all enough to keep her in bed. However, it didn't take long for her to realize she could simply, get up.

She'd come into the living room - you'd usher her back into bed. Jack would come out a while later, complaining Ellie had gone into his room and awoken him - Aaron's turn to return her to bed.

Then came the excuses. She needed water (a sippy cup was given to her, and told this meant she had to go to sleep now). She wanted to watch a movie and "cuddle, please?" It took everything in Aaron to decline, especially after she played up the sweetness in her big, brown eyes.

You'd think after all that, she'd exhausted herself, but no. Next came her crawling into bed with the two of you.

That's where the matter currently stood. She didn't want to sleep in her new big girl bed, but rather, the big bed. Right in the middle, snug between the two of you, and keeping your plans on hiatus.

The next night, you had thought you were in the clear. But sure enough, the second Aaron was straddled atop you, his lips trailing your skin and leaving you breathless, did little footsteps make their way down the hall. Aaron would roll off you instead, supporting himself on an elbow, while you laid there defeatedly, anticipating the opening of your bedroom door.

And again the following night, the same occurrence of events. Admittedly it's been a while since the two of you have been intimate, due to a certain toddler and cases taking Aaron out of town.

Derek laughed, "She's a little menace. I love that kid."

Aaron sighed, both his frustration and need only growing more. His voice wavered on the desperate side, "So can one of you? Please. Just a few hours is all I'm asking."

"I'd be happy to relieve you two. For a full night even, Henry and Michael would love to have Jack and Ellie sleepover." JJ offered, and Aaron internally let out a deep sigh of relief. "Will and I have been there, I get it."

"I-"

"And Aunt Penelope can come too, don't worry." JJ interrupted Penelope with a smile, reaching over and giving her hand a gentle tap.

"I'd- We'd appreciate it. Thank you." Aaron's shoulders dropped, and he could already feel the tension leaving his body. A rush of energy swept through him too, anticipating the delightfully, now long, night ahead. He could not wait to get home.

His thoughts were put on hold when he noticed the glint in JJ's eyes.

"And so you can relieve yourself."

Derek cackled while Aaron rolled his eyes, turning away from the group to hide his smile.

"Just let me know what time you want them over."

[whateverloomis]

Lick me like a lollipop ✒︎ Billy Loomis x GN reader

Warnings: SMUT, Infidelity, Stu is annoying (lol), oral (male receiving), edging, size kink if you squint, unedited.

Note: Afab or amab people apply for this <33

Readers POV | Word count: 1.4k / Part 2

-

It was Tatum. She had gotten me addicted to freaking lollipops after I told her I have an oral fixation. Apparently she did too, and Stu was very happy about it, if you know what I mean.

It was Friday after last period, I was at my locker with Billy, Stu and Sid putting away my books -- with a lollipop in my mouth, of course -- before we all left to Stu's house to get ready for movie night. It was a routine at this point. Every Friday night after class we'd go to Stu's house to wait for Tatum to get out of practice and bring Randy over from work. He'd bring a scary movie to watch and criticize all night long until one of us got too tired to continue the pointless debate.

"Stu, we watched that one last Friday!" I said for the third time, patience long gone. That was the fourth week he suggested to watch Halloween.

"But it's Jamie Lee Curtis, man! She's hot as fuck! I bet Randy would be on my side here, you guys are no fun." Stu replied with a huff.

"Yeah, because he has a weird obsession with her too." I replied, rolling my eyes as I pulled the lollipop out of my mouth, it releasing a soft pop sound.

There was a brief pause, Stu smirked at my actions and shamelessly looked at my lips when I pulled the sugary bulb out of my mouth. Billy was staring too, but he was subtle. His eyes raked from my own, down to my lips, lingering a tad bit more than usual before he took a deep breath and glared at Stu. "Shut up about it will you? We're watching Psycho. It was decided last Friday, dumbass."

"Can we all leave this argument for tonight? It's too early for this." Sidney said, closing her locker before we walked out of college and made our way to Stu's house.

-

Once everyone arrived at Stu's house, we didn't take long to settle and start debating about the movie, because Stu couldn't keep his mouth shut. His argument was that Psycho wasn't even that good because you couldn't see the red color of the blood, therefore it wasn't scary. Randy and Tatum were practically arguing about the topic while Sidney laughed at their unnecessarily serious discussion.

"All I'm staying is; what makes a movie scary is the blood, man!" Stu commented.

"Stu, it's a classic black and white movie. Plus, horror isn't all about the blood and gore." Randy countered, and Tatum agreed. "See? That's what I've been telling you doofus!" She told Stu, and he laughed at her anger.

I decided to pitch in and attempted to cut the conversation to continue watching the movie. "Guys, it's not that serious. Stu is clearly too basic with horror movies-" - "Am not! I bet you haven't watched nearly as many horror movies as me and Billy!" Stu cut me off, and I pointed at him with my third lollipop of the day. "Not fair! Two people versus one person's movie knowledge? That's not how it works, Stu." I countered and Billy placed his beer bottle on the glass table loud enough that it caught everyone's attention.

"You guys are being idiots and I need a refill." The boy said, and I quickly stood up from the couch as I put the lollipop in my mouth, following Billy to the garage.

When we arrived at the door, Billy opened it before me so I could climb down the stairs first. I pulled the lollipop out of my mouth before sending him a small smile of appreciation. His eyes scanned my lips before he caught my gaze and smirked at me. As I climbed down the stairs I could feel his eyes on my back so I purposefully walked a bit slower, adding a bit of swing to my hips.

When I opened the fridge and bent down to look for the beers, I felt one of Billy's large hands on my lower back. "Need help carrying those?" He questioned, following my gaze as I stood up to face him. Placing some beer bottles on the table next to the fridge, I took the lollipop out of my mouth again to answer "yes." He visibly tensed up at my actions.

"You really need to stop doing that." Billy said, voice lower than usual. I looked at him questioningly, and before I could pull the pop out of my mouth again, he did it for me, putting it in his mouth before pulling it out a second later. "This." He said.

I raised an eyebrow and smirked, took the lollipop out of his hand and repeated his actions before I discarded the candy in the trash next to the fridge. "Can't handle your urges, Loomis?" I asked teasingly and he took a step forward, towering over me. A tense silence washed over both of us before he closed the gap and kissed me softly, placing his hand on my hip as he pressed me against him.

"Billy, Sidney is upstairs. We agreed not to risk it like this..." I said, reminding him that our ongoing affair could've cost us a lot.

"I don't care... You've been driving me crazy all day sucking on that lollipop." He replied and kissed me again. This time more desperate and needy. It didn't take long for us to start playing with each others tongues, tasting the sweetness off the candy we had been savoring earlier.

I pulled Billy's hair softly with my left hand and grabbed his shirt with the right, pulling him impossibly close to me. We continued making out hungrily and then he broke the kiss. I leaned on the edge of the table and he pulled me towards him, parting my thighs with his leg so I could rub myself against him.

As I continued kissing Billy, he moved my head towards his neck and I knew what he wanted instantly, so that's what I did. I kissed his neck and made my way down his body, kneeling down in front of him. He unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans for me before pulling his throbbing cock out. I opened my mouth for him. Billy smirked at me and tapped the head of his cock against my tongue a few times before sliding half of his length in. I started bobbing my head up and down slowly, moaning softly around his length while looking up at him with the most innocent look I could give him. That drove him crazy, so Billy grabbed the back of my head and started to thrust into my mouth, slowly picking up the pace.

We moved together in unison, never breaking eye contact. I moaned and whined around him while sucking, pushing him closer to his orgasm. As I felt him getting close, I slowed down my movements, edging him. Billy loved it. He hissed at the sudden change of speed and bucked his hips so his cock penetrated deeper inside my mouth. I pushed his length all the way inside and then pulled my head away, opening my mouth with my tongue sticking out. I licked the tip of his cock as if I were licking a lollipop, then I sucked, and licked, and sucked, and licked, and;

"Fuck, baby... Open up." Billy said and I did as I was told, sucking a few more times before opening my mouth for him, tongue sticking out for him to cum inside me. I chuckled at his attempt to keep quiet while the orgasm washed over his body. I swallowed his load in front of him, licking my lips and biting them afterwards.

"Oooh fuck..." Billy moaned. The sensation of his most sensitive spot being overstimulated was enough to get him close again. I noticed the tension building and giggled at the neediness he was displaying. Taking him all the way inside my mouth, I continued bobbing my head like I was before and looked up at him once more observing how he panted and threw his head back in pleasure.

Standing up in front of him, he kissed me and tasted himself on my lips. "You're so good at giving head, my God." He said and chuckled, before zipping his pants up along with his belt and fixing his hair.

"I know." I said, smirking at him before pulling another lollipop from my pocket and putting it in my mouth.

"Leave your window open tonight, we're not done here." He said and kissed me one final time before picking up the beers from the table and joining the group as if he hadn't gotten the soul sucked out of him a few minutes prior.

[russellsppttemplates]

All the milestones (Lando Norris)

Fraser came earthside earlier than you expected

Note: english is not my first language. Believe it or not, I'm also a preemie (genetically and health wise, I am a catch, I know). Jokes aside as this is a serious topic, I was born at thirty three weeks because of some complications and it all turned out well, but I am aware of what it entailed from people telling me and it isn't something I've seen around here! Knowing that the diversity I write brings comfort to read and to ask this warms my heart up so much 🫶 I'm also basing this off of my mum's experience!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions c-section and themes related to hospital stays and procedures, prematurity, pre-eclampsia

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"I'm really sorry I can't go with you, darling", Lando apoligised as he set the plate with lunch in front of you, "it's okay, it's just an ultrasound", you responded, "we're just going to check if everything is alright with you, right, little one?", you tapped your babybump softly. At thirty weeks pregnant, you were starting to feel the tiredness and aches like you had felt in your previous pregnancy, only now you had a toddler to look after as well, so you had been taking it easy. Fortunately, you were able to juggle work and family life in a way that allowed you to make the minimum compromise to both spheres of your life.

"Drink your water, baby", Lando reminded you, tapping the jug, "I'm going to pick up my dad from the airport and then we'll both get Tilly. Are you feeling like going out for dinner or should I get take out and we eat here?", he questioned, taking a bite of his food.

"I'd prefer to stay in", you stated, "are you feeling like anything special?", he asked back.

"Right now I can't think of anything", you offered, not really looking forward to eating the delicious food in front of you if you were really being honest. Still, you manage to eat the most of it.

"Have a good meeting, Lan, I love you", you said as you put your coat on, grabbing your bag with all your documents.

"Be safe, okay, baby?", he checked, kissing the top of your head and then kissing your baby bump, "and you too, buddy, keep yourself and mummy safe and sound, don't give her too much trouble", he said, helping you out of the door before you went on your separate ways, "I love you, gorgeous mummy!", he winked before he got inside his car.

Once you arrived at the hospital and checked yourself in, your midwife Amelia greeted you in the examination room, "how have you been feeling, Y/N?", she asked as she slipped the bad on your arm to get your blood pressure numbers, sending the urine sample to the lab.

"I've been feeling a little tired, especially compared to last time, which I can only put down to having Tilly, and she's a very calm child", you giggled, remaining quiet as the machine got your numbers.

"These look quite high, did you run up here?", she asked, "no, I got here earlier than I expected actually, I've been sitting on the waiting room for a bit", you scrunched your face.

"We'll just wait for your results and then we'll see if it's something we have to wordy about", she tranquilized, "let's see you baby boy, shall we?", she smiled as you lifted your shirt, letting her apply the cream and move the wand around.

"There's your son, Y/N", she smiled, "He's a bit quiet, but the heartbeat sounds good", she smiled, taking a few more pictures so you could bring them home for Lando and Matilda to see.

A knock on the door alerted you both as Amelia was taking your measurements, "I have the results for Y/N Y/L/N-Norris", your OB checked, seeing you in the room, "Hi, Y/N, I thought I'd only see you later", she said as she walked in. She pulled on a stool and sat on it, "your results are indicating that you might be in pre-eclampsia", she said as she showed the tablet's screen to Amelia, her stern expression confirming your suspicions on how serious the situation was, "your body is having trouble keeping up with everything, hence your high blood pressure and your urine results suggest your kidneys are working overtime as well", Dr. Martin said as you straightened up, hands coming to wrap around your baby bump protectively, "your baby is fine, so that's not a big worry, but we do think it would be best if we delivered him tonight", she advised.

"But he's too small", you argued.

"You're at thirty weeks, which isn't ideal, but the survival rate is very very high for babies born at this time, and we also have a team that is specialised in preemie care, so he will be in the best hands", she comforted, "we need to give you corticosteroids to make sure the baby's lungs are ready for when he comes earthside, we'll get you admitted and monitor you and the baby to make sure he's not struggling either. In a few days, depending on how this goes, we'll do a c-section. I know it's not ideal, but this is the best way to make sure you and baby boy stay safe".

Sighing, you nodded, "okay, whatever is best for both of us", you asserted, "I just need to call Lando - my father in-law is coming to stay for a bit and they're getting Matilda from school", you thought out loud.

"Absolutely, dear, everything is going to be just fine", Amelia conforted while Dr. Martin set you up to go to a room.

Lando helped Matilda up to her car seat, strapping her in as she spoke to his father, "and did you have a good day, princess?", Adam asked, "yes, we coloured lots and we saw a couple of butterflies when we were having our snack!", she smiled as Lando drove home.

The car system alerted them of a call from you, "hey, beautiful, I'm in the car with my father and Tilly - say hi to mummy, babygirl!", he encouraged, "Hi, mummy!", she cheered, "Hey Y/N", Adam greeted too.

"Hey, guys! Lando, can you give the phone to your dad, please?", you asked, "sure, love", he said as he disconnected the phone from the car, nodding his father to take the phone in the console.

"Hey, Y/N, is everything alright?", Adam asked over the phone, "Hey, Adam, I hope you travelled well! I'm not sure if Lando told you, but I had an appointment today, and it turns out I have to be admitted", you began, "I don't want to worry him, much less when he's driving, so as soon as you get home, can you tell him to call me back again, please? Baby Fraser might join us sooner than we expected", you mumbled, nerves obvious in your voice as Adam stayed with a neutral face.

"Absolutely, Y/N, I'll let him know", he said before hanging up.

"What was it? Is everything alright?", Lando asked, knowing there would be a reason as to why you didn't want to have everyone listening to the conversation.

Checking the rearview mirror to see Matilda playing with one of her books, Adam clarified Lando, "she is going to stay at the hospital for a little longer than she expected for some check ups, she didn't want Matilda to hear about it", he said. It wasn't too much of a lie, and he certainly didn't want to scare anyone and since Lando would be calling you anyway, it could wait for a bit, "she asked you to call her when you got home. Don't worry, I'll keep Matilda entertained", he smiled.

Once they arrived, Adam left his things in the guest bedroom and met Matilda in the kuchen, "grandpa will make you some snacks. What do you want, darling?", he asked as he urged Lando to go and make a call to you.

"Hi, baby", Lando said as you picked up, "dad said you wanted me to call you, is everything alright?", he asked as he stepped inside the bedroom, hanging his coat in the closet.

"Hi, my love", you sighed and sending Lando into alert, "when they did my check up, Amelia took my blood pressure and it was really high, and my urine sample didn't look great either. It turns out I'm in pre-eclampsia and they want to keep me for observation, and it's likely Fraser will join us in the next few days", you added, "I need you here -, and things for me", you let out.

"Are you okay? I'll start packing right away", he said as he put his phone on speaker, looking for pyjamas and toiletries.

"My blood pressure is high - so far there's no distress for the baby, and they want to keep him in for as long as they can", you explained, "I, I am fine staying here on my own, that's okay, but I really need you here for a bit", you asked, "of course, my love. I'm going to pack these up quick and I'll be there. I love you", he said before you said it back, putting his phone in his pocket and zipping the bag.

"Daddy, where are you going?", Matilda asked as she saw the bag, "princess, mummy is going to stay in the hospital for a bit so the doctors can make sure her and baby are okay, and daddy is going to take a few things for her", he announced, crouching down so he was at her level.

"Is mummy sick?", she pouted, "she's a little tired, so they're going to make sure she rests up as much as she can", he slipped out, "I'm going to be there for a little bit to giver her her pyjamas so she's comfy, and then I'll be right back, okay? Can you stay here with grandpa?", he asked.

"Okay, daddy", she said before walking away, "but wait!", she called from the hall.

"I'll get dinner started and tuck her in if it gets too late - she didn't want me to tell you until you were home", he apoligised, "I know, I know, thanks for being here, it was bloody good timing", Lando mused.

Matilda came back with one of her stuffed toys, a McLaren bear she loved, "this is for mummy, so she doesn't sleep alone", she smiled sweetly. Maybe her innocence was positive because it meant she was dealing with the situation quite well.

"I'll give it to mummy, baby girl, I bet she'll love it", he smiled, kissing her cheek and leaving to the garage so he could drive to the hospital.

When he arrived, Amelia walked up with him as she told you all there was to know, knocking on your room door before they stepped inside.

"Darling", he said, setting the bag down and sitting next to you on the bed, kissing your forehead protectively, "how are you?", he asked.

"Fine, although I don't think it has really sunk in", you mumbled, playing with his fingers, "how is Tilly?", you wondered.

"She gave you Mr. Brown", he said as he fished out the bear from the bag, "she said she wanted you to have it so you wouldn't be alone in here", he smiled.

After spending as much time as he could with you, he bid you goodbye and went home, finding his father washing up the dishes as Matilda got her pyjamas on for the night, "I have a tupperware for you in the fridge if you want something to eat".

"Thanks, I've got it from here though - c'mon, little miss, we're going to sleep!", Lando hoisted her up, holding her on his hip as they walked upstairs to the bedroom, "can I sleep in your bed, daddy?", Matilda spoke in a small voice, "I don't want you to be alone either", she admitted.

Smiling at her sweetness, he nodded, "of course you can, love. Mummy sent her goodnight wishes for you, and maybe we can visit her tomorrow, how does that sound?", he smiled, "yes, please, daddy!".

.

"I made these for you, mummy, so your room is nice and colourful!", Matilda smiled as Lando let you in for a cuddle, your little girl getting help from her grandfather at ripping the tape so she could display her drawings she brought you almost daily, only missing days where Landk hadn't been able to bring her to the hospital because of their schedules.

"That's beautiful, darling, thank you so much", you gushed before turning to Lando, "has she cried again?", you whispered. You had been in the hospital for five days now, and two nights ago Matilda started with what was a tantrum at first and then evolved to crying about the fact that you weren't home. Lando was able to talk it out with her, welcoming her and allowing her to talk about how she was feeling and how it was beyond the fact that her tights were itching her.

"No, yesterday she told me she couldn't wait for you to come home, and that you were taking longer than she liked", he snickered, "always little miss rushing when it comes to you", he kissed the side of your head. Even though she was a daddy's girl through and through, she never made you feel left out.

"Y/N", Dr. Martin called after she stepped inside the room, "Oh, Matilda, you're so grown up already! Time flies by", she said as she waved at your little girl while Adam pulled her to sit on his lap, whispering "That's mummy's doctor, she is going to check up on her so you have to keep quiet, okay?" into her ear.

"I was checking your results, and I think between tonight and tomorrow, we might have to deliver your baby boy", she stated, everyone in the room straightening up as Matilda tried to read the adults' faces.

"His lungs look really good in the ultrasound we did this morning - as you know those were our biggest concerns, so we'll come up to monitor you, okay?", she rubbed your shoulder comfortingly before excusing herself.

"Well, I think it's best if we get going, then", Adam said as he got up, coming up to kiss the top of your head and squeeze your hand in his.

"Mummy, I know you're going to do very well", she said, earning small giggles around the room, "when can I come and meet the baby?", she stepped up to give you a kiss.

"We will have to see how it all goes, princess, but when you can, you'll be the first to come, okay?", you smiled, brushing the curls out of her eyes and kissing her head.

"I'll drop these guys home, get the baby bag and then I'll be back", Lando said, kissing your lips and your baby bump, "you stay in there for just a little longer, okay buddy?".

By the time Lando got back to the hospital, you had already been given a few medications to prep you for the c-section, "Kelly and Max advised that I shopped for some smaller clothes, so I have those in there", he tapped the baby bag, "and how are you feeling?", he cupped your cheek.

"My blood pressure is really high, so they're thinking about putting me under, like, full body anesthesia", you bit your lip. Getting surgery was already a big thing, but being completely under was another.

"Oh, okay", Lando gulped, "they won't let me be in there then", he realised, "that's not how we wanted this to happen, but it's going to be okay, gorgeous. You're the strongest woman I know, you're going to be just fine", he smiled, "and our baby boy will come out screaming and he will be the strongest little one ever", he said, trying to convince you and himself of his words. He was scared too, but it wouldn't do you both any good to dwell on it too much.

Knocking on the door, one of the lovely interns and Amelia came to get you, "are we all ready? I'm afraid you already know this, Lando, but you won't, be able to be with us in the OR", she apoligised, "I'll wait right here, if that's okay", your husband suggested, kissing you one last time before they wheeled you off, "I love you, Y/N", he muttered against your lips.

While he waited, he looked at the drawings in the room with precise attention, finding one where Matilda drew the four of you, her brother in your arms and Lando holding her hand, names scribbled under each person in Adam's writing.

Less than an hour later, Amelia stepped into the room, Lando getting up from his spot on the chair immediately, "everything went well, they were weaning Y/N off of the anesthesia, she's going to the PACU until she wakes up and then back here", she smiled, "your little boy is in the neonatal unit, do you want to come and meet him?", she asked, Lando letting out a sigh of relief at her words, "I'll let you know when Y/N comes back to the room", she ensured, having been in the job long enough to know the dilemma of wanting to be in two places at the same time.

"Yes, let's go", he said as he straightened up his sweater, "can I hug you?", he allowed himself to feel emotional, Amelia's open arms offering him a little comfort, "they're both alright, Lando, you have such a beautiful family", she cooed.

Walking with him to the neonatal care unit, she helped him into one of the gowns as they greeted the other parents inside along with all of the staff, "this is your little boy", she said, offering him a sanitizer for his hands, "he can't eat on his own just yet, so that single tube on his nose is feeding him, the other one is giving him oxygen, and those stickers are to make sure his heart is doing okay - little milestones and little victories", she explained as Lando took him in.

Surely, he was much smaller than Matilda, but he could already spot some similarities, "Can I touch him?", he asked, weary of disturbing the perfectly architected environment inside the incubator, "yes, of course! Just be mindful of the wires and tubes", she encouraged, opening the little doors so Lando could touch your son.

"Hey, buddy", he spoke as he touched his tiny fingers, "you're already such a fighter, breathing so well without ventilation", he cooed. He looked up all the complications and when he didn't see a mechanical ventilator, he couldn't help but feel proud of the baby, "he is, we did all the tests and for now supplemental oxygen seems to be enough", Dr. Martin said softly, not wanting to spook them as she showed up, "everything went well with Y/N, she should make a full recovery once it heals", she rubbed his back.

"Thank you", he said, keeping the tears at bay as he looked back at Fraser, "you're so tiny they had to roll up your diaper, hm little love?", he spoke, "there are so many people who love you and they have so much of it to give you".

A little while later, Amelia told him they were taking you up to your room, so Lando said goodbye to Fraser, "I'm going to see mummy, Fraser, and I'm going to tell her how much of a higher you are, I love you", he cooed one last time, rubbing his arm before taking his hands away, closing the little doors and folding the gown for later.

Walking into the corridor to your room, Lando could spot you in the other end, smiling as you spotted him too, "nearly beat you in this race", you smiled at him as he gestured for them to wheel you into the room, "everything went as expected, Dr. Martin will be up shortly to speak to you two", one of the interns said.

"How are you feeling, gorgeous?", he said, brushing your hair away from your eyes and behind your ears, "I'm fine, the meds are helping with the pain, I'm sure", you giggled, "they gave me a good dose".

"That's nice, at least", he said, "I've texted everyone to let them know you were okay and everything went well", he added.

"Have you seen him yet?", you asked, "yes, I have", Lando beamed, "He's very tiny and he looks a little bit like Tilly already. And he's such a fighter, too! He only had those little pin-like tubes to help him breathe, they didn't need any incisions or anything. I would've taken a picture but I couldn't take my hands away from him", he admitted.

"Hopefully soon I can see him", you gulped, knowing it would off the books for a bit since you had abdominal surgery.

"All in due course, baby. I'm so happy you're both fine", he kissed your forehead.

.

"I just want to hold my baby!", you hiccuped, wiping the tears falling on your cheeks while Amelia conforted you, "just one more day, Y/N, maybe two at maximum to make sure you're healing well, too", she smiled apologetically.

A knock on the door alerted you as Lando and Matilda walked inside, making you wipe your cheeks quickly, "mummy!", she cheered softly, approaching you and climbing on the bed softly since she knew you were healing, "have you been crying, mummy?", she said, hugging your arm and resting her head there.

"Mummy is upset because I can't go and see Fraser today", you explained as Lando kissed the top of your head.

Amelia excused herself as you caught up with everything back home, "grandpa asked me to give you kisses", Matilda recalled as she kissed your cheeks, "his plane has landed alresdy", Lando added, "That's nice of him, thank you darling".

"We can go and meet Fraser, Tilly", Lando said as the window they allowed visitors in was coming to the half-time mark, "I'm going to give him loads of kisses from you mummy, don't worry about it!", your daughter said sweetly as she climbed off the bed, "I'm going to try and FaceTime, okay?", Lando confirmed, handing you your phone before they left for the neonatal unit.

"Matilda, darling, you have to put this on, okay?", one of the nurses gave her a mask, "she's in nursery and she might have caught some bug that isn't showing symptoms yet and it could be harmful for the babies", he checked with Lando as your husband nodded.

"It's like a costume, Tilly!", Lando tried to make it fun for her, adjusting the gown and then the mask around her face, "you can't go around touching things, okay princess?", he stated as she nodded, ready to meet her little brother.

Lando got himself gowned and led them to Fraser's incubator, "that is Fraser, baby", he cooed, typing on his phone inside the clear bag and FaceTiming you like he promised so you too could see the moment they met for the first time.

"He's so tiny", she gasped, standing on the stepping stool so she could see him properly, "I can't kiss him, can I?", she asked and Lando shook his head, watching you smile on the screen, "I'm going to blow him the kisses I have from mummy then", she said, her hand making the movements from her covered mouth to her brother, "I love you, Fraser, and mummy loves you too, she can't be getting because her tummy still hurts a little", she told him.

"This just makes you want to have another right away, doesn't it?", Lando croaked out as he wiped a tear from his eye, your wide eyes looking at him, "not anywhere in the near future - my body knows that much!", you giggled at the soft sight, "but it is incredibly cute, yes", you smiled as tears fell on your cheeks too.

"Look, mummy! He moved his hand, he's saying hello to you", Matilda smiled, "He's saying he wants to see you, too!".

.

You were finally able to stand up and sit in a wheelchair, so your other goal for the day was going to see your son.

Amelia was the first to say she would take you, helping you sit and getting you there, "That's your little boy right there", she pointed as you were filled with giddiness and excitement.

Wheeling you to face plastic bassinet, your hand went straight inside, "he doesn't need oxygen anymore?", you asked his doctor, noticing the single tube you recognised as a feeding tube, "no, not anymore", he said, "we ran some tests this morning and he's doing just fine on his own, strong set of lungs he has! He woke two of the other babies up yesterday", he smiled.

Chuckling, you touched his arm softly, his hands opening and closing, "do you want to hold him?", he asked, catching you by surprise. Until now, no one ever held him as to make sure the treatments being done were working as best as they could.

"Can I?", you asked, eyes hopeful, "me and the rest of the team think he's finally strong enough to move out of here actually", he added, "not enough to go home just yet, but he can be in your room. This way you can have him close to you and of anything happens or you need help, the staff in your floor know what to do. He just needs to be able to feed without a pump, so either breastfeeding or bottle feeding", he stated.

"Wow, okay, I wasn't expecting this, I was so happy that I got to see him", you teared up, bringing your arms to position so the doctor could place your baby in your arms, mindful of the feeding tube that was still in him, "hey, my love", you cooed, touching his cheeks, "I'm your mummy. I know you were rushed out of my tummy, and it was scary for both of us, but it's looking up now", you cried, Amelia wiping your cheeks as she smiled too.

"Do you mind if we take his tube out now? Might be a little better for this little guy to be in his mummy's chest", the doctor suggested, getting the supplies he needed and setting them in the tray.

"It's okay, little guy", he said as he pulled it out, baby Fraser crying at the discomfort you could only imagine as you rubbed his back, "it's okay, my love, mummy's here to make it better", you shushed him, kissing his head multiple times.

"There, all done!", the doctor said, "if you want, you can feed him here or in your room, where you feel best", he wondered, "could we go to the room, please? I have my supplies there, too", you asked.

You had been pumping milk out since it came in, and you were finally able to feed him straight from your nipple, "okay, little one, you can't get lazy on us now that mummy has you in her room", Amelia encouraged, tapping his cheek slightly as he began suckling on your nipple, "there we go!", she cheered, "I told you it would get better, didn't I?", she winked at you.

When Lando and Matilda came for their daily visit, they didn't expect to see you walking around the room, your back facing the door, "you're up, mummy, that's good!", your daughter said as you turned around, showing her brother on your chest, "oh", she gasped.

"He passed all his tests, and he's getting chubby too", you cooed, squishing his thigh softly as Lando took the sight in, Matilda holding onto you as you patted her head and held your son. Your family was complete.

"That's daddy, Fraser", you cooed, pointing at Lando as your baby boy looked around to the two new people in the room.

"Can I have a cuddle?", Lando whispered before you transferred Fraser to his arms, your little boy curling up against him just like he had been curled up to you.

"Does this mean you get to go home?", Matilda asked, hugging you properly as you sat down on the bed with her, "not for a few days still, they just need to make sure Fraser is alright", you informed, "then we can go home and the four of us are going to have loads of fun", you smiled.

.

"Tilly, can you help me here, please?", Lando called as her footsteps approached your bedroom, "can you get me that bedding from the drawer, please?", Lando asked as he held the mattres up, not wanting to miss the exact placement of the sheet, "thank you, baby, you're such a clever girl", he complimented, folding the corner in and letting the mattress fall back into place.

"When mummy comes home tonight, is Fraser coming with her?", she wondered, touching the next to me bassinet you kept in your room for the baby to sleep in the first few months, "yes, he is, he's finally good and big enough to come home, no more hospital visits", Lando sighed. The last couple of weeks were hard. Juggling things on his own made him even more appreciative of you and the efforts you made to make sure everything was smoothly running in the house, as well of your friends and family who suported your family in every way they could.

"That's going to be nice, the hospital smells funny", she scrunched up her nose, "and it's going to be like before but with baby Fraser?", she wondered.

"At first mummy will need our help in many things - she still has some recovery to do, but then it will be back to normal, yes", Lando offered, "and we'll have Fraser to go with us in our adventures".

"I can't wait to show him my soft blankets and my toys", she beamed, helping Lando with the bed and then getting ready to pick you up from the hospital.

"Thank you again for all of your work and dedication, we truly can't say it enough for all you've done for our family", Lando said to the team as they discharged you from the hospital, waving at Fraser in his carrier as he looked around.

By the time the four of you were back home, you ate dinner on the sofa, Matilda cuddled up to your side while Fraser slept in your chest, Lando holding the four of you in his embrace as much a she could, "we're finally all together", you smiled, "the Norris family is all together in one place we it should be", he said, kissing your lips softly, hand coming to rest on top of yours in Fraser's back as Matilda smiled up at you, "this is the best day ever", she murmured.

Post partum blurb

[valley-of-headcanons]

I have a request because I’m curious. I’d love to see your headcannons on the bachelors finding out that their lovely farmer that they adore was previously in an abusive relationship and that why they really fled the city. Maybe a little added bonus on how they’d react bumping into said person 

bachelors with an abused partner || headcanons

your past isn't something to be ashamed of, and these lovely bachelors make you feel right at home <3

warnings: heavy topics today! abusive relationship mentions + interactions with the abuser. farmer is triggered by their partner's actions (yelling, joking shove, etc.), resulting in a panic attack. comfort fic :)

requested by: anon! hi, thank you so much for the request! i love comfort fics, so i hope that this provides you comfort as well! if anyone reading is going through this situation, please reach out to the people around you and get tf out, no one deserves such a thing :( anyway! hope you enjoy <3

alex

• When the time came around to tell Alex about your past relationships, you made sure to sit him down. You wanted him to truly understand how serious this was. So, you started to explain everything, detail for detail ... this led to a lot of emotions being brought back. Of course, you were emotional, but Alex seemed even more emotional.

• Alex was pissed. He was livid about how that person treated you. How dare someone even go that far? You're such a lovely person, he just cannot wrap his head around it ... but eventually, he realizes that he needs to put his emotions aside so that he can show you the love you need right now. He wraps stands and wraps his arms around you, kissing your cheek.

• “You're gonna be okay ... I'm gonna keep you safe, not matter what, 'kay? You're not gonna be in any of those situations, none of those words will ever be said in your direction as long as I'm around. Want to go lay down? You look like you're about to fall out ...” he says in the softest voice he can.

• Alex would try his best to respect your triggers as much as he can, but everyone makes mistakes sometimes. When in a simple disagreement, he ends up raising his voice. This sends shivers down your spine. When he notices you start to shake, tears pricking your eyes, he stops what he's doing immediately. It might take him a moment to realize, but he doesn't want to put you in harm's way what-so-ever.

• “Hey, hey, hey, I'm sorry ... listen, I'm not them. I promise you, I'm not him. I didn't mean to raise my voice, and I promise it's not that serious ... I'm not gonna hurt you. I wouldn't do anything on purpose ... you're safe here, I promise. We're just tired and wiped out. We need rest, and we'll bring all this up again later, yeah? Okay ... I love you.”

• If you two were to run into your abuser, Alex would immediately come to your aid. He would block you from the abuser's view, trying his hardest to protect you. He would hold a conversation with you, attempting to keep your mind off of the triggering presence. Eventually, if you need to get out of there, he takes you by the hand and leads you away. He makes sure to keep an eye out for everything that could possibly hurt you, and he does a fantastic job at it.

elliott

• When the time came to tell Elliott about your past relationships, you tried to warn him that this is going to be a heavy topic. After seeing your demeanor change, he started to worry. He inquired more, to which you provided. You explained every detail that you could, which was definitely emotional. But Elliott ... his emotions were written all over his face. God, he was devastated.

• Elliott looked absolutely defeated. He couldn't fathom how anyone could hurt you in such a harsh way. All he wanted to do was protect you with every bit of himself, but he walked into your life a bit too late. So, he needed to do what he could now that he was here. He kneeled down in front of you, taking your hands in his. He pressed a soft kiss onto your knuckles.

• “Love ... I don't know what to say. I have been rendered speechless by an idiotic hoodlum who has forsaken you. You will never be hurt again in my care, and I will promise you that. Live your life with no worry, and I will be at your side. Let me accompany, protect, and adore every aspect of you. You will be okay, my dearest, and I love you.”

• Eliott would rather die than make you uncomfortable. He tried his hardest to avoid any triggers, respect your boundaries, and love you with as much caution as he needed to. However, he accidentally messed up once. He said a phrase that was triggering to you, but he didn't know. You hadn't mentioned it, you had actually blocked that out. But when he said it, memories came flooding back, causing you to have a panic attack. He immediately came to your side, attempting to calm you down as you stuttered out your explanation.

• “My dearest, I am so very sorry. I didn't realize that would upset you. I promise, whatever intention that was used back then is not mine. I apologize as deeply as I can, and I vow to make it up to you. What can I do? ... let's go take a walk, okay? That way we can get our minds off of things. The beach would be a nice place, the sound of the waves can drown out the horrible memories. Is that okay with you? ... then let's go, my love.”

• If you two were to run into your abuser, Elliott would immediately wrap a protective arm around you. He would carry on, keeping an eye on both you and the abuser. If they were to approach you two, he would say something out of character, insulting the deepest darkest parts of their soul. Words that would never leave Elliott's mouth would fly out on this rare occasion. He would then take you home and make you some tea, calming you down as much as he could. He would make you feel as safe as he could.

harvey

• When the time came to tell Harvey about your past relationships, he could read the anxiety on face. It was fairly evident. So, he rested his hand on your back as you began to speak. As you opened up about all of the details you could think of, he softly rubbed your back. It was comforting, but not enough to keep you from being emotional. Harvey tried to keep a calm demeanor the whole time, acting as a stable rock for you.

• He tried to keep you calm by rubbing your back. After realizing this wasn't working, he pulled you into his arms carefully. He was more worried about keeping you calm and happy now, and he wanted to help you cope with everything later on down the line. What happened, happened. He has accepted that. It's a horrendous thing, but with the amount of people he's seen in his office, it happens. So, he focused as much as he could on making you feel better.

• “I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Thank you for sharing all of this with me, I'll certainly keep it in mind. What can I do moving forward that can help you? As your boyfriend, I will try my hardest to keep you safe and sound. I promise. I ... I am baffled that someone could do such a thing to you. You're safe now, sweetheart.”

• Harvey does his best to avoid triggering topics. He does mental gymnastics around these topics, and he sincerely tries his best. But, when you catch him humming a song that your abuser would hum ... you couldn't help but have a panic attack. Of course, after he figured out what was wrong, he would immediately stop and help.

• “Please love, take deep breaths. In ... hold ... out ... keep repeating that for me, alright sweetheart? Okay ... I'm so sorry, I didn't realize. I will keep this in mind from now on, but please tell me what else I can do. I know you forgot and that's not your fault. Keep taking those deep breaths for me ... you're doing okay, I promise. Nothing's going to hurt you here.”

• If you two were to run into your abuser, Harvey would sweep you away as soon as possible. If he even caught a glimpse of the person who hurt you, he would take your hand in his and lead you away as fast as he could. Leading you back to the house, he would sit with you close and make sure to keep an eye on the door. He was insistent on keeping you safe and out of sight. Harvey didn't know what he would do if the abuser was around you, but he knew it wouldn't be good. He loved you too much to put you in harm's way.

sam

• When the time came around to tell Sam about your past relationships, he didn't really expect anything. Okay, you were in a relationship, so what? He didn't expect anything bad, why would anyone do anything bad to you? You're so lovely, bad relationships shouldn't happen to you. But as you told him about everything that had happened to you ... Sam was baffled.

• He was so confused, how could this happen to you? Sam always treated you with respect and kindness and so, so much love! People are horrible, and Sam wasn't expecting this in the slightest. He made that clear to you, resting his hands on your cheeks. He pressed a gentle kiss on your forehead before wiping your tears with his thumb.

• “I never would've guessed that would've happened to you! If I see that fucker, promise you'll let me at 'em? You don't deserve that- you don't deserve anything of the sort! I just ... I love you so much, please don't forget that ... I wouldn't do anything to put you in harm's way, I would rather die, actually. Come here,” he said, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close.

• Sam was pretty cautious about what you said triggered you, but sometimes things happen. He forgot that sudden loud noises made you upset, so when he was practicing on the drum set with no warning ... oops. He noticed how upset you looked, covering your ears. He stopped, cocking his head to the side and asking what was wrong. When you explained, he felt so bad.

• “Oh my God- I am so sorry. I forgot, I didn't realize- fuck ... please, let me make it up to you. Don't cry ... please? I-I promise, I didn't mean to. I was just practicing, but I'll make sure I'll warn you next time or use a mute. I love you, I am so sorry ... you're okay, you're not the one who needs to be apologizing. I love ya, hon. I'll make it up to you, I promise.”

• If you two were to run into your abuser, Sam wouldn't be able to hold back. He would send you off to hang out with Sebastian while he let loose on this fucker. He would beat the absolute shit of out of them (if they are male. If they were female, he would use his words because his mom brought him up right. He would fuck them up with his words though, I promise you that.) He would return to you beaten and bruised, but he would laugh it off. As long as you were safe and nothing was going to harm you, he was perfectly fine.

sebastian

• When the time came to tell Sebastian about your past relationships, he wasn't really worried. He loved you and was curious about your past, but he didn't expect anything necessarily bad. So, you sat him down on the couch. He didn't think it would be too serious, so he laid down against the arm, listening to you intently. But, as you started explaining everything in detail ... he sat straight up.

• Sebastian had always tried his hardest to keep his emotions subdued, he didn't like dealing with them. But things like this ... they made him emotional. Tears were in his eyes, which he tried to blink back. He really loved you, and he couldn't believe anyone could do such a thing to you. He needed to make sure you were okay, so he took your hand.

• “I ... I'm sorry, I'm just kinda speechless ... I promise, I love you, and that's not going to happen again. On my life, nothing will ever happen like that with me. I will ... I will work as hard as I can to keep you safe. Let me know what I can do to help ... you're precious to me. I wouldn't let you in harm's way.”

• He tried his hardest to keep your triggers in mind whenever he could, but we all forget sometimes. While you two were playing video games, he jokingly shoved you a little bit too hard. Of course, this brought back memories which sent you spiralling ... uh oh. Sebastian knew that he had messed up. He needed to bring you back to Earth somehow. He got on his knees in front of you and took your hands in his.

• “Hey, I'm sorry ... I didn't mean it like that. I won't do that anymore, it's just reflexes after hanging out with Sam for so long. I love you, and I would never hurt you on purpose. I won't put my hands on you like that again, okay? ... let me know what I can do to help, I would do anything and everything for you. I'd bend the Earth if I could ... yeah, we can lay down. Wanna pick a movie? ... I'll start some popcorn, go find something and I'll be in there shortly. I love you.”

• If you two were to run into your abuser, Sebastian would make sure to keep you safe. He'd have an arm around you at all times, watching over you while doing daily tasks. If the person were to come up to you, he would shoot a rude comment their way while calculating a way to get you out of this situation safely. The back and forth banter would last a while, but Sebastian wouldn't fight them. He'd make them want to fight him, but he wouldn't dare shoot the first punch. He's mature enough to avoid that situation.

shane

• When the time came around to tell Shane about your past relationships, Shane just shrugged when you brought it up. The past is the past, what's the issue? He soon found out that there were actually a lot of issues. When you slowly went through everything you could, letting all the details slip, Shane just stared daggers into the ground. Holy shit.

• Shane is a damaged person, yes. But knowing that you're damaged, just like him? It made his heart break. You didn't deserve that, that treatment wasn't meant for people like you. He shook his head, his elbows on his knees. He couldn't believe someone would do shit like that, they have some fucking nerve.

• “Fuck 'em. They're not here anymore, and I'll make sure they stay the hell away. Your feelings are valid, and I understand. If you ever need to talk about anythin', let me know ... I'm not the best with emotions, but I promise that I'm always here for ya. Just ... anythin' you need, I guess.”

• Shane tried his hardest to step around your triggers, but when you're a bit tipsy, mistakes are easy to make. You two were having a small disagreement when he accidentally dropped his glass. As the glass shattered, shockwaves were sent through your body. He saw your eyes widen in fear before they began to prick with tears. You didn't think he did it on purpose, did you? He walked closer to you with his hands out, trying to show that he wasn't going to hurt you. He just wanted to comfort you.

• “I promise that wasn't on purpose, hon- the glass just slipped. I wouldn't throw a glass or any shit like that ... has that happened before ...? Fuck- I am so sorry. I love you, I promise, and I wouldn't ever throw shit at you. Let me make it up to you, yeah? I'll hold you for the rest of the night, make you feel all safe ... I am really, really sorry ...”

• If the two of you were to run into your abuser, Shane would certainly have some choice words. He would yell at them from afar, nothing up close, and simply walk away with you by his side. He didn't want to create too much drama, but he wanted that fucker to know that weren't welcome in this town. They weren't welcome around you. All Shane cared about was you, and it was evident.

[thelunarsystemwrites]

Lunar's mental health. An update.

TW: bad mental health, EDs, depression, s/h, personal stuff, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, vent, self hate, heavy topics.

Sorry I haven't been posting!!

An update on me.

...Hi, you might know me as Lunar, or, TheLunarSystemWrites! I'm just an artist on here, trying to do things I like.... right?

Well, unfortunately, real life doesn't really... care. It doesn't care if I have friends to talk to, art to make, things I like to do.

I've been exhausted, physically and mentally. I've been busy working a lot in our home. (Painting, building, packing, inside work, cooking, etc) and it's always stressful... we're starting to get a little tight on money.

I've spent majority of my time in my bed. I don't wanna face my family members, so I've hidden away. It's hard to get up every day, and try to find the will to take care of myself.

I also recently relapsed with Bulimia, a disorder that, essentially means I throw up whatever I eat. I've been purging since September 16th, 2022. But I had awhile where I only purged once a day or none, but I'm back at it with full force. So my body doesn't have any energy left. I've also now lost my periods do to it.

I don't sleep well. It's much easier to stay up all night than waste my only free time sleeping. So I have no energy from sleeping well unless I sleep a whole day away, which makes me groggy.

Self harm is also something bothering me too, I'm too tired to do it and yet I keep doing it. Wasting precious spoons on it, I literally can't be clean for a whole year this year, that dream is dead. But, I am a few days clean as I type!

Suicidal and intrusive thoughts have been.... pesky. But I can't just leave my friends, plus I have prizes to make.

But, I'm unmotivated. I can't seem to write or draw anything. All my art is looking... regressed, to me. Everything is repetitive.

I've hated myself now more than ever in my life, I'm in a pretty bad place and I hate how self aware I am.

SPEAKING of regression! I have like, regression block. My brain isn't working with me, isn't regressing unless Involuntary. So my main coping mechanism is.... out of order.

I've been angry at the world, really pissy and moody. Tired, hungry, sad, then happy but not much. Numbness is a huge factor, I'm feeling depressed.

Not to mention, there's drama everywhere I look. This creator gets bullied, that one turns out to be disgusting. People get doxxed over opinions... it's constantly anxiety that I'll be wrongly accused, ridiculed, or abandoned. It's terrifying that people will go at each other's throats. It's exhausting to deal with it and be dragged into drama with problematic people.

Every day has been the same for me for the past 3 years. I'm tired, bored, understimulation controls me.

My friends are my lifeline right now.

I feel uncomfortable in my own body all the time, unsatisfied with my art, everything is essentially falling apart in my life.

Depression, anxiety... not a good mix to wake up disoriented and anxious, then gave zero spoons throughout the day. I'm not in a good home situation right now.

So... I kinda just... haven't been posting, role-playing, answering DMs, answering asks, etc...

I'm burnt out.

I feel like I'm a walking corpse.

Useless even.

I don't feel like myself anymore, I barely have the energy to talk to friends, every little bad things sets me back. I just can't bring myself to really engage much anymore.

So... sorry. I'm sorry, if I wasted your time. Or if this isn't like what you wanted to hear. I'm just not okay anymore, April was the last good month I had this year. APRIL.

I just wanted to update you all, there's a lot of other stuff I didn't share because it's nit important. I swear I'll get to the prizes eventually, I just ain't up to it right now. Might not be for awhile, apologies in advance!!

Hope you guys can understand, I might or might not be back to doing art, who knows. But I'll definitely get things done before that if I ever stopped. It just doesn't bring me joy, I used to hope I'd make an AU people cares about, and I've barely achieved that ^^"

Hope you're all well!! Stay safe, take care!! Remember to hydrate and to try eating if you can, you're spectacular!!!

Daily clicks!! ^^

Previous pinned post.

[burning-academia-if]

Tired + Rook/Beck

Tired for Rook and Beck!

"He hasn't been sleeping again." Beck started, hands wrapped around a warm cup of tea. He traced circles against the glass, brow furrowed. "I think his nightmares are getting bad again."

You press your lips together, "I don't know if he'd talked about it with me."

You had noticed the exhaustion. Not in his face or body, but in the slight tinge of irritation which would morph into a grimace of regret. You hadn't even known he had chronic nightmares until recently. It was part of the list of the many things he'd kept from you over the years. It was also a topic he seemed particularly against discussing any further with you, out of anything.

Beck's expression mirror yours, "If he's not willing to tell you, he's certainly not going to tell me."

"He might. Now that everything's fixed between you two."

"I wonder..." Beck takes a sip, going quiet as he thinks. It's not like the two of you can do anything about it if he doesn't want you to do anything about it. The topic shifts, and a while later, the culprit himself returns to his dorm.

"Wow, hanging out without me?" He greets, mock hurt lacing his voice. "It feels like a crime I wasn't invited to...whatever you're doing."

"Homework." You supply. "You're still free to join."

"Well fuck, never mind. Please keep not inviting me." He kicks his shoes off, and he's the same as ever. Something twists in your stomach. You'd thought things had started to shift, especially between the two of you. But even now, the mask was still on. You wondered if he even knew how to take it off at this point. If Beck didn't live with him, you doubted he'd have been able to tell either, even with how perceptive he could be.

Beck's voice is light, "You're not staying long now either, right?"

"Mm, friends invited me out. Not sure if I feel like hanging or not."

You raise an eyebrow, "That's new."

"I'm not that much of social butterfly." He motions towards Beck. "He's the one who should have that title, not me. Staying in sounds nice. And I mean, I'd rather stay with you two."

Yeah, he was definitely tired. You weren't sure how to approach it. He wouldn't listen to you, and you worried he'd just throw his walls up again. His endless insistence that he was fine was a mirror to you and Beck.

"I'm actually busy tonight myself." Rook blinks, and so do you. Beck gives a small, apologetic smile. "I have some business to take care of."

Beck glances at you, and you know he's passing the touch along. You knew he was right, that if anyone could get Rook to open up it would be you. It didn't stop the nerves.

"Fine then, ditch us." Rook took a seat next to you and Beck laughed.

"It's not like I'm vanishing on you."

"Your the father with the milk gallon."

"Which reminds me, we're out of groceries. I'll pick some up while I'm out." Beck stands, presses a quick kiss to both your cheeks and is gone.

When you glance over at Rook, his head is leaned back against the couch and his eyes are already closed. His mock energy already drained from him.

You decided to just go for it, "Beck mentioned you've had trouble sleeping?"

"Traitor." Rook doesn't miss a beat. He throws an arm over his face, an attempt to obscure his expression. "It's fine. It always happens around this time."

"What do you mean...?"

He doesn't answer, and you let yourself settle into the silence. Rook's breathing is shallow, the rise and fall of his chest faint. When his arm finally falls back to his side, he looks just a little haunted, "It's almost summer. And summer is...I'm tired of the memories associated with it. The heat always brings it rushing back to me."

You don't know much about Rook's past despite growing up with him, but you know enough to know what he's alluding to. You reach out to take his hand, "Hey, it's ok. We're here for you now."

He nods faintly, letting your fingers entwine with his, "I know. And I know it isn't just me. We're all tired of our past. Me, you, Beck. Maybe one day our brains will stop clinging to bullshit."

"Yeah. One day." You can only hope for the best.

But if it's the three of you, you think the three of you will be alright. No matter what.

[eluminium]

Skizz Week 2 day 5! This one is short and sweet! Just the hermits being helpful in the silliest ways. As always, thank you to @skizzlemanweek for today's prompt!

Prompt 5: Work / Rest

The first thing he notices is the darkness. His base is completely coated in it, which he finds pretty strange. Usually, he can see moonlight peaking through the various openings to his base, or at least one torch somewhere! Actually, how did he even get in bed? He doesn't remember going to sleep last night. Eh, he's not slept at all lately, so a memory gap isn't the most unimaginable thing.

The second thing he notices is that he's tied to the bed, but not uncomfortably so. He can still shift around and even grab things on the nightstand next to him. Whoever tied him here clearly took great care in doing it, even using softer leads and knots to make sure his skin wouldn't be rubbed red. Heck, there's even a few extra pillows strategically placed so he won't hurt his back or neck! How sweet!

The third thing he notices is that someone is in the room with-

WAIT.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" He eloquently yells as he sits straight up, now fully awake and aware. And tied to his bed. HE'S TIED TO HIS BED???

In the darkness, three instantly recognizable laughs taunt him. One of them lights a torch, and yep. Just as he suspected. It's Gem, Grian and Scar. His fellow Magic Mountain people have betrayed him!

He scowls at them, which makes them laugh harder.

"Awww, don't look so grumpy! It's not helping with the wrinkles," Gem says with a wink. Little does she know that he's fighting for his life to hold that scowl on his face. Watching his friends laugh makes him want to laugh, okay? Even if they're laughing at him tied up on his own bed.

Grian approaches him, finally getting himself together after having had the laugh of his life. Skizz raises an eyebrow, and Grian only grins. "It's for your best, homie buddeah!"

"Oh yeah, for my best, totally. I'm not buying that for a second, G!" Skizz counters, crossing his arms. He's grateful that he always sleeps with something on, otherwise this would have been way more awkward. For them, not for him!

Gem walks to stand beside Grian. "It is, though! I found you passed out on top of your pyramid yesterday! ON TOP! How- How did you even do that?!"

Oh, so that's what this is about. How much he's been working lately

Well… Erm…. UHMMMMMM… Shit, they kinda have a point.

"I plead the fifth!" He squeaks, knowing he's been cornered. Gem gives him the most unimpressed look. "You're going to stay in this bed for today. No working! We don't want you to get sick again!" She says with an accusatory point.

Now, normally Skizz would fight this. Say that he's got everything under control. But honestly, he is really tired.

"Fineeeeeee. Only because you asked so nicely," he surrenders. They've gone through all the effort to make sure he's comfortable and also they TIED HIM TO HIS BED. Might as well take advantage of it.

"Wait wait wait! We're not done yet!" G interrupts, before he points to Scar. "We're not gonna leave you tied to your bed alone. Scar is gonna stay and make sure you don't try anything."

"Hey! You told me I was gonna get to talk about the Sequal trilogy and that new Outlaws game-!"

"SHHHHH YOU'RE SPOILING IT!"

Skizz rolls his eyes. Of course. He'd been goading Scar into his rant-able topics lately just to piss off Grian.

"You know this is not very good revenge, right? I like listening to Scar talk about what he loves!" He points out. He doesn't like how Grian gets an evil glint in his eyes.

"Well, you keep saying that…So we're gonna put it to the test. We'll leave Scar here with you, and see how long it takes until you break. Your comm is on your nightstand for when you give up."

Now this is something Skizz can get behind! A challenge where he basically does nothing and wins!

"Bring it on, G!" He smugly comments, knowing that he's using the tone that will activate Grians own competitiveness. He sees it work in action as the avian's face hardens.

"You guys are..something special alright," Gem comments with the most deadpan tone.

Grian grabs her shoulder and pushes her towards the exit. "You two have fun! See ya!" is the last he gets out before both he and Gem leave Skizz's base.

Scar and Skizz meet eyes.

"Between you and me, Skizzy, I know they put me here to make sure I didn't try to work, either. They're not very subtle." Scar says with a wink.

A hint of surprise crosses Skizz's face. "Really?" Scar nods in response.

"You don't have to stay here if you don't want to, I can just-"

"Nonsense!" Scar cries out, wheeling himself closer to Skizz's bed. "I wasn't going to get any work done anyway, and now instead of being bored in my base, I get to hang out with Skizzy Wizzy! Now, don't you think it's really stupid that Disney made Kylo Ren and Rey kiss-"

And the conversation goes from there. Back and forth, back and forth. Star Wars to TOOL to Watches to Poker and on and on and on. For any other Hermit, it would probably be a nightmare scenario. But for these two talkative nerds, it's a dream come true.

If this is what constitutes "mandatory rest" on Hermitcraft, Skizz can't help but feel even more grateful that he gets to be in such a wonderful place, with such wonderful people.

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Flufftober Day 22 | Apple picking

Pairing | Boyfriend!Dad!Young!Tony Stark x Girlfriend!Mom!Female!Reader

Word count | 2.1K

Summary | You've grown up with the tradition of going apple picking each fall, and now that you and Tony have your own little family, you want to keep this tradition going. As you, Tony, Orion, and Hudson go to a local apple farm during an apple-picking event, you can't help but soak up every last second and special memory.

Prompt(s) | 22. Picking | @flufftober

Warning(s) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Reference to ruined childhood memories, use of pet names (Sunshine, Love/My Love, Baby Boy, Baby Girl), no mention of Y/N.

A/n | This one shot is written for day 22 of my Flufftober 2023 Challenge. I absolutely love Tony, Sunshine, and their little family, so they shouldn't miss out on one of my favorite activities during the summer and fall! I hope you will enjoy this as much as I did when writing it 🖤

Likes, comments and reblogs will be very much appreciated 🧡

Divider is made by @cafekitsune | GIF credit to the owner

Main Masterlist | Tony Stark Masterlist | AU Masterlist | Flufftober Masterlist

You were driving home after a long and tiring workday when you suddenly saw a giant advertisement for apple picking at a local apple farm. It brought up many fond memories, and you can't wait to tell Tony about your idea; it would be amazing to take the twins there.

When you think back to your childhood, you have a lot of good, fun memories, but ever since you've been pregnant with your Munchkins, those memories have a bit of a dark edge.

You can't think about that too long because an incoming phone call immediately brings you back to reality, and you see it's your loving boyfriend, Tony, to see what time you will be home.

''Hi Love,'' you sigh softly before continuing to drive home, still about a half-hour drive away from home.

''Hey Sunshine, how long will it be until you're home? We miss- hold on,'' he interrupts himself. ''Hudson and Orion Stark, get off of there right this second!'' he says before putting his phone on the table with a loud thud.

You can't help but chuckle as you listen to what's happening at home, though you're looking forward to seeing all three of them again. They always bring a smile to your face, even on your most challenging days.

''Right, I'm back! Sorry for that, Sunshine. I was asking-'' and that's when he sighs. ''For the love of... I'll call you in a bit, Sunshine.''

He hangs up the phone and takes care of the kids, putting them in front of the TV with a cartoon to ensure they'll stay quiet long enough before he calls you back.

When their favorite cartoon is playing, and they're sitting hand in hand, their pacifiers in their little mouths, he finally dares to call you again, but not without taking a picture of them first.

It doesn't take long before he's back on the phone, finally able to talk to you for a few minutes while still keeping a watchful eye on his troublemakers on the couch.

''Welcome back, My Love, long time no talk,'' you joke, and you can't help but let out a boisterous laugh at your joke, making Tony smile in response.

''Right?! I was starting to think you'd leave me forever...'' he says with a fake sniffle.

''I could never leave your ass, it'd cost me too much to move out!''

''Please always remember that, Sunshine! But that's not what I'm calling for. I wanted to know when you'd be home because I want to go for dinner with the twins tonight. No specific reason but I just felt like taking my beautiful girlfriend and amazing twins out to dinner,'' he tells you, and your heart melts at his words.

''I'd love nothing more; how about that Italian place we love so much?'' you say, and Tony agrees.

''I'll be home in around 20 minutes, but I'd like to change quickly before we go, so how about 18:30? They might want to take a short nap before, and they can go to bed right after we're home.''

''Consider it done, Sunshine, we can't wait to see you,'' after a few goodbyes and I love you's, you hung up, and Tony managed to get the twins down for a quick nap.

Tony can hear your keys in the lock, and he rushes over to the front door, meeting you there with a big hug. Usually, he would be accompanied by one or both twins, but it's nice to have him all to yourself for a little while.

''Hi Sunshine,'' he says as he wraps his arms around your waist, and you find their home on his neck, and you pull him in for a tender kiss that deepens gradually.

When you pull apart, you're both breathless, and you chuckle softly before giving him one more peck on the lips and heading to your bedroom so you can get changed.

When you're going through your dresses, your eye suddenly falls on a new dark green dress, and you decide to wear it combined with a pair of white Converse and your glasses, too, so you can let your eyes rest a little instead of wearing contacts the entire time.

''I'm going to get the twins ready, okay? You can also get changed because I'm not taking you to the restaurant in those clothes,'' you say as you reference his old shirt and slightly tighter grey sweatpants.

''Might not even make it there if you don't change now,'' you whisper in his ear, simultaneously cupping his bulge in his sweatpants. Tony groans at the sudden feeling of your hand, and his hips buck forward at your touch.

''Fuck, Sunshine, don't tease me like that unless you want to be bent over this fucking counter right now,'' he growls in response, and you can feel your panties dampen at the words.

You decide to let him go for now, a wicked grin spreading across your face as you see him adjust before walking to the bedroom and changing.

Tony opts for a dark outfit today combined with his glasses and gets changed while you get the twins woken up and dressed in cute outfits.

It only takes a little while for all of you to be ready and off to the restaurant, and Tony is driving. When you drive past a bakery, you suddenly remember the ad for the apple picking again.

''Love?'' you say, and Tony squeezes your hand softly before responding.

''Yeah, Sunshine?'' ''Can we go apple picking with the twins soon? There's an event at a nearby apple farm, and I thought it might be cute to take them for the apple picking and some treats as well,''

Tony thinks about it for a short moment and then agrees happily. ''We do need to bring your camera in that case because Mom, Dad, and Virginia are going to want lots of photos!'' he says with a big smile.

The twins are happily babbling away in the backseat as you let yourself sink into your seat, thinking about the new tradition you'll start with your family now.

''Are you excited to pick some apples today, Baby Boy?'' you say as you pick up your sleepy son, and he immediately holds onto your neck as soon as you hold him.

''Someone's still sleepy, huh?'' you coo at him, and you rub your hand over his back, the other one supporting him under his butt as you walk over to Tony, who's changing Orion into her fall outfit.

''Look at you, Baby Girl! You look adorable in your little outfit! But it's time to get your brother into his before we can give you your breakfast together,'' you tell her with a few tickles, and her limbs go wild, earning you a glare from Tony.

''Love you,'' you say with a peck on his cheek.

''Right, let's get you off of here to make room for your brother; I need some more cuddles with my Baby Girl after all,'' Tony says as he picks her up, and she immediately grabs onto his neck, just like Hudson did with you.

When Hudson is changed into his fall outfit, you take him to the kitchen, where Tony is already preparing warm milk for them. It has been quite a change only to breastfeed once daily, but they are used to having their bottle in the morning now.

''Let's get settled on the couch, and Daddy will bring you your milk soon, okay?'' you tell Hudson, and he looks up at you excitedly, warming your heart.

''Here you go!'' Tony says, and Hudson takes it with both hands and brings it to his mouth without a problem, happily drinking the milk while Tony settles next to you and gives the bottle to Orion.

''I can't wait to go apple picking with all of you today, make some amazing memories together, and just spend quality time with you,'' you sigh softly, and you let your head fall onto Tony's shoulder, after which he kisses it.

''I can't wait either, Sunshine,'' he tells you softly, and you close your eyes to take in the moment. Your son on your lap, your daughter on your boyfriend's lap, drinking their milk before going out the door and going apple picking together.

''I love you so much, and I'm eternally grateful for giving me a chance to live the life I've always dreamt of,'' you tell Tony, a single tear escaping that you quickly wipe away.

''I love you too, Sunshine. There's nowhere else I'd rather be than with you and our Munchkins. I should be thanking you, though, for being the perfect woman, girlfriend, and Mom in this world,'' he whispers against your hair, and you two stay like this for a little bit.

When Hudson and Orion are done with their milk, you put the bottles on the table, and your daughter crawls into your lap, wanting to be close to you and her brother.

''Hi Baby Girl, are you coming to cuddle with us for a little bit so Daddy can change?'' you ask her, and she gets settled in your lap after Hudson gracefully makes some room for her.

''Be right back, Sunshine,'' Tony says, and you melt into the back of the couch as your kids cuddle with you, surrounding you with warmth and love.

Tony is wearing a black, white, and red outfit today, his glasses on his nose and hair styled perfectly, and he looks as handsome as ever in his fall outfit. It also helps that you laid it out for him beforehand so he would wear something you'd love.

Now, all that's left is you changing into your outfit for the day, and you're ready to go. Your camera, snacks, drinks, and toys for the kids are packed and ready, too.

''Right, time to pick some apples!'' Tony says before he takes both twins by the hand and lets them walk to the car instead of carrying them this time.

There's a stroller in the car for emergencies, but you don't need it as much anymore, which you're happy about.

The drive is uneventful; the twins are happily babbling away in the backseat, and you and Tony are enjoying the sights and seeing how everything is slowly turning from greens to reds, oranges, and yellows.

His hand is lying on your thigh, and your hand covers it as you talk about everything and nothing, never seeming to run out of things to talk about.

''We're here!'' Tony exclaims with happiness laced in his voice, and before you know it, you're standing at the apple trees; Orion and Hudson are both trying to pluck an apple while you're filming them.

Tony is constantly crouched behind them and encouraging until Orion has her apple picked off the tree, stamping her feet excitedly while letting out some content sounds. These happy noises almost sound like words.

''Good job, Baby Girl! Look at you go!'' Tony says that Hudson also picks his apple off the tree shortly after.

''Wow, great job, Baby Boy! You're doing amazing!'' you say as you keep filming his reactions to pulling off the apple. And you're glad you kept the camera on him because you suddenly hear something unmistakable.

''Apple!'' he exclaims while holding it high in the air, and you and Tony immediately look at one another, checking if the other also heard it. You did. He just said his very first word.

''Did you-'' ''Yeah!'' you say as you try and fight back the tears. You're thrilled you kept filming and caught his first word on camera. This is a great moment; you're nothing short of happy that he's grown up so fast.

The video was quickly shared with his parents and your Mom, and the reactions were nothing short of amazing, as they were all just as happy as the two of you.

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing some games, and sharing a big slice of apple pie with Tony while the kids ate a cup of apple sauce until they fell asleep in your arms, and it was time to go home.

You're glad you took lots of photos with your camera, including a few family photos for your collection, and now you're on your way home again. The twins are in a deep sleep in their seats, and you're smiling like a lovesick idiot.

''I can't believe he said his first word today; he's growing up so fast,'' Tony says, and all you can do is nod in response because if you say anything, you will release a dam of tears you don't know you can stop.

They're growing up so quickly, but you're glad they're a part of your lives like this because it wouldn't be the same without them by your sides.

[al-the-remix]

Years pass but people still remain gross about WAGs. And now they dress it up with “intellectual” terms like industrial complex and post-colonial supremacist whatchamacallit. Give me the messy puck bunny blogs at least they’re open about hating WAGs.

Yeah, I can't say I have many complex things to say on the topic, except that that dialogue has been in this fandom forever (all fandoms forever; tumblr, the birthplace of the 'not-like-other-girls-girl') but it's especially bad in rpf and I'm exhausted of reading the same tired iterations on "well, I could NEVER understand how another woman could live like that--" STOP. Just stop it, it's not your life, and it's likely never going to be your life, for all the aforementioned unfair reasons. You don't have to compare yourselves to them constantly. It doesn't make you lesser or them better for being (presumably) born into a more privileged circumstance and it doesn't make them lesser and you better for achieving some enlightened pearl of knowledge.

The puck bunny blogs irk me just as much, and if you find one better than the other I guess it's more a question of what rolls your stomach more: spite or smugness. But in my opinion, calling Kathy an ageing escort that Sid pitty dates is just as nauseating as talking down your nose about her like she's some ignorant waif that cant make her own decisions about her life or her relationship.

Yes, the NHL is an intrinsically racist, misogynistic, homophobic, capitalist, fatphobic--and all the other bad terrible things--nightmare creature whose ailment runs all the way up to the giant sucking malignancy attached to its heart that is Garry Bettman and Bill Dayley, and further, to the executives that they shill for, and even further back to the time period, tenets, and culture that the sport was founded on. Remember, this is the same organization whose administrative and players (retired and current) repeatedly spit in the face of their teammates who've suffered chronic and debilitating injuries, and continue to mock journalists and veterans who try to bring those issues to the forefront, stating that the injury is worth it to win -- (or that the possibility of injury is worth it, considering these comments so often come from players that are still relatively hale).

Hmmm, sounds incredibly familiar to the position the NHL takes on another rampant issue in the sport: sexual assault.

There's a reason why the NHL is falling behind in popularity (and in value) compared to other sports organisations and it's because they cling to their archaic values and methods and flat-out refuse to let them go -- and thus attract players and administrative and fans who find all that entails appealing. It's not everyone in the sport obviously but it's a large enough faction to keep things stagnant -- just go take a look at Ian Kenedy's twitter page and start scrolling through the replies to his tweets if you want a taste of what we're up against here.

If you want to do anything, ANYTHING AT ALL to help improve the hockey culture, there are multiple avenues to explore that might actually make a difference --first of all getting involved in your community not just the internet community-- in chipping away at who this game attracts, how they see themselves, how they see others, how they see hockey players, and how those hockey players see themselves and others. Those avenues do not include dunking on wags. I get it, they all look the same, haha. it's weird, their children and husbands can't tell them apart, hahaha. There, I said it too and now I never have to hear that fucking joke again. Move ON.

I understand that the lines between reality and fiction can blur easily when it comes to rpf, but making actually, completely serious judgements on other people's private emotional lives and relationships is completely out of the realm of reality. You can't know, you can never know completely. It can be difficult enough to identify these things when it comes to a friend or a family member how are you possibly going to make a pronouncement that someone's relationship is stale or without intimacy or connection when literally have no idea who they really are? I've been stalked and I've had people write fanfiction about me and I can 100% say that what they gleamed of who I was and what my life was like from the outside did not run true.

Analyzing those aspects and their intersexuality is worthwhile -- if anyone has an actual interest in these topics I suggest reading: Wille O'ree's biography, Bern Saunder's biography, Fred Sasakamoose's Call Me Indian, Black Ice: The Lost History of the Colored Hockey League of the Maritimes by Darril and George Frosy, On Account of Darkness by Ian Kennedy, Why I didn't say anything by Sheldon Kennedy, Crossing The Line by Laura Robinson, Major Misconduct by Jeremy Allingham, Finding Murph by Rick Westhead -- There are more than that if you're willing to dig for them ... but especially after the back to back Kyle Beach and Hockey Cannada lawsuits I've just had it to up to here with the takes about the ~uwu poor hockey men~~ and their repressed homosexual longings and lack of overall male intimacy and companionship --- who do you think is doing said repressing?? THE HORRIBLE UWU MEN. (Said in exaggeration and jest but also not fucking really.) They are victims unto themselves. 99% refuse to speak up or do anything about the inequality, harassment, and overall intrinsic issues in the sport, the ones who bravely do are shunned by the others who refuse to help themselves or others. They don't see themselves as emotionally underdeveloped manchildren stranded on the frigid island of masculine solitude and arrested development. They like their lives, they don't care about what kind of impact that lifestyle has on other people (or on the environment or on the economy). They like their cookie-cutter world, conservative sandbox and comfortable wealthy liberalism... and most of all they like their hot blond skinny wives and they don't care what sort of social constructs have led to them pursuing a very specific type of woman. The vast majority of them have zero interest in having their eyes opened to a more complex and diverse worldview and it's not the fault of anyone but themselves, least of all the women who get pulled along in their wake.

[hsjazebel]

FROM THE DINING TABLE

masterlist

Summary: where you give harry an early christmas present

A/n: this is my first one shot i write so i don't know how good it is but i hope you like it. Also english is not my first language so if there are any grammar mistakes please excuse me in advance. IF YOU ALREADY READ THIS FIC IT'S BECAUSE I LOST MY OLD ACCOUNT

It had been 3 years since the best day of your life, where you and your soul mate exchanged rings and made promises of love.

Many times Harry had dropped the topic of having children with you, even before the wedding, but due to your different work commitments it didn't seem like the right time to expand your family.

But now that you're in the bathroom waiting for the longest 3 minutes of your life to go by, you think back to the first time Harry mentioned he wanted kids.

2017

Before harry's first solo tour you had decided to go on a little holiday to Italy and now you were curled up on the sofa watching some silly program on television which you pretended to understand since you didn't understand the language.

Your head was resting on Harry's chest and he ran his fingers through your hair when you finally break the silence "maybe I ate too much pasta and my belly is bursting, look! I look pregnant" you indicate your belly with a movement of your face downward.

Harry lets out a small laugh "you'd be beautiful pregnant too, especially since it'd be my baby" but maybe he just wanted to think about it and his words came out even before he formulated a correct sentence.

You lift your head and look at him, thinking you misunderstood, even though you wished you hadn't. "Do you really want to have a baby with me?" Not that you've never thought about it, quite the contrary. You've fantasized many times about your future life with harry and you've always thought about children, but now that you've heard that he thinks like you too everything is different.

"Yes. I didn't mean to tell you just like that but every now and then I think about it and I'm more and more convinced of the fact that I want you to be my children's mother"

The strange Italian program is long forgotten and is the background of your voices. "I don't mean now, I mean soon I'll start my first solo tour and this is already a very important step for me. But I wouldn't rule it out in the near future, if you feel the same way, because it's your body And I would never force you to do something you don't want to."

"No no" you shake your head "I've thought about it too, many times, but you're right, we're still young and you have a splendid career ahead of you. But yes, maybe in a few years who knows, we could bring another human in the world".

Harry nods and gives you a soft kiss on the temple. You both keep trying to figure out what's going on on television, with hearts full of joy and love knowing you want the same things.

Present

The sound of the timer set on your phone brings you back to the present, with your heart pounding to know if a baby is really growing inside your belly.

It had been about 2 weeks and as time went by you kept feeling more and more tired and the morning sickness that lasted for more than 5 days put a bell in your brain telling you maybe you might be pregnant. And now with shaking hands you turn the stick sitting on the bathroom sink to find that there are two lines on it. There is no doubt, you are pregnant.

Tears begin to roll down profusely and you bring a hand to your mouth in disbelief.

The only thought that crosses your mind is how to break this news to Harry. You don't want to tell him in a trivial way and therefore you are looking for a nice way to announce your pregnancy to your husband as you have seen in some tiktok videos.

But soon your mind is taken away from your thoughts again, this time by Harry's voice calling to warn you that he's back home.

"Y/n, love I'm back".

You quickly wipe away your tears, wash your face with cold water and hide the test in your bottom drawer to make sure Harry doesn't find anything.

You go down the stairs and enter in the kitchen where you see your handsome husband unpacking the shopping bags. You approach him and give him a kiss on the cheek, greeting him back.

"I also bought some new decorations for the christmas tree. This year I thought about making it red, what do you think?" he asks you, while he removes some red balls from the bag. "I think it's a great idea" you agree with him.

After putting everything in place, you start cooking for dinner by agreeing on a plate of pasta with cheese. During dinner you talk about what you did during the day and you find it hard not to reveal to him the big secret you have for yourself.

The next day harry is in the studio to sort things out with his manager so you take some time to think about how to tell harry that he's going to be a dad soon. You still can't believe you're starting a family with the love of your life.

When Harry gets home around 6pm you are determined to tell him the big news. In the end you settled on something simple and not too ingenious to tell him that you are pregnant, since things too elaborate are not your strong point. You left an envelope on the table with the pregnancy test in it covered in layers of wrapping paper so it wouldn't be seen right away, and a note saying "you're about to be a dad".

Harry doesn't notice the envelope at first and so you decide to take matters into your own hands, with your heart that you thinks it can get out of your ribcage at how hard and fast it's beating.

"I got you a present" you say pointing to the envelope on the table

"A present? Forwhat?" he asks confused taking the envelope.

He starts removing all the cards but as he's about to tell you something about you're kidding him because he can't find anything, he stops by finding the stick with the two lines on it. He picks it up and with tears on the waterline looks at you "you're not messing with me?"

You shake your head and tears start to flow too.

A smile creeps across his face and finally tears begin to flow on him.

You wrap your arms around his neck for a hug and he brings his arms around your waist and thrusts his face into your neck while still sobbing.

"I'm going to be a dad. I'M GOING TO BE A DAD I DON'T BELIEVE IT" he says pulling away from you.

"And you will become a mother, a fantastic mother. thank you thank you thank you"

You laugh at his reaction and wipe your tears "thanks for what?" "of what? for giving me the best gift of my entire life. for making me a dad, I've dreamed of this all my life and I'm finally living it with the person I love most in the world."

[dantesleftball]

Nero…getting outed by Dante. Then Nero gets royal treatment from the twins. I really need to work on my titles

Fanfic/drabble/random idea inspired by yourdailywritingprompt on tiktok!

If you are confused about their ages, I wrote this as if dmc5 happened much sooner after dmc4 than it canonically did. Think Nero is around 18 in this.

It was a great idea. A glorious one, if Dante can say so himself. It's July after all, the weather so hot it could practically melt the skin off your bones. In this kind of unbearable heat, Dante had the bright idea to bring his family to a water park. Just to cool off. And if he got to dunk his adorable nephew into a big body of water? That's just a bonus.

So, off Dante went, proposing the idea to his brother and that random kid that just hangs around the Devil May Cry. He's met with instantaneous rejection, even having to dodge a miscellaneous projectile that definitely did not come flying from Vergil. But somehow, through some miracle, the two ended up accompanying Dante to the park with the promise of ice cream to Nero and cleaning the house for a whole week to Vergil.

The idea of a water park didn't sit right with Nero. Not at all. A place where he was expected to wear minimal clothing, probably take his shirt off and out himself in front of his father and uncle? He had no idea where his family stood on that topic, and he wasn't about to risk losing the good relationship he finally has with them over a stupid water park… And why was Dante eyeing him like that?

He figured that arguing against the prospect would only make him look more suspicious so he had to settle on going, but keeping his shirt on and staying very clear of the water. His binder does it's job rather perfectly under normal circumstances, but if his white shirt were to get soaked…yeah he'd rather not think about that.

The park was surprisingly vacant upon their arrival. There were a few other families alongside them and a few elderly couples, but other than that it was pretty empty. Weird, guess people usually avoid the mid-day sunburn huh? Nero took the chance to find a nice place in the shade to set down their bags while Vergil pulled out his leather bound book and sat on a sunbed. He looked around to see Dante immediately take off his shirt and jump into one of the pools that had a clear sign up with "Jumping Prohibited". He waited out the small waves his uncle created and sat down on the edge of the pool, his legs soaked up to the knee.

"You're not going in?" Dante floated towards him and shook his head like a wet dog, leaving a grimace on Nero's face.

"...Nah, I'm not a fan of swimming. I'll leave all the pink eye to you."

"Ha, ha, what a courtesy. Fine, if you don't swim, at least drag your old man over here for me? God knows he hasn't had a moment to relax since we came back from hell."

"Are you sure making him swim around in a large body of water is going to relax him?"

"...Just bring him over?"

Nero sighed but got up from his spot and started walking towards Vergil, still very much wearing his coat and reading his book. In like 30 degrees weather (we're using celsius here, but since I'm not an asshole that's like 86 f for you americans).

"…Uh-"

"Go tell Dante that I'm not walking all that way for him to just pull me into that despicable public pool and make a fool of me. I am just fine sitting here until he gets tired of swimming around like an excitable dog."

"And why don't you go tell him yourself?"

Vergil peers over the edge of the book up at Nero and glares at his question. For all he's trying to look intimidating, it takes all of the son's willpower to not laugh and point out how much he looks like a grumpy cat.

"I won't be your message boy."

"Nero you're killing me. You're killing your father."

"...You're insufferable."

Nero shook his head and turned on his heels, walking back to where Dante is happily floating on his stomach. With his head under the water. Huh, was it always that easy to get rid of him?

He stretched his leg out over the edge of the pool and shoved his uncle's side, effectively pushing him under the water and sending him into a small panic, flailing his arms and trying to stand upright.

"Remind me why we're keeping you around?"

"Because that one still hasn't paid child support." He gestured over his shoulder back at Vergil, who, sensing the mention, glared at them like the upset cat he was once again.

"And why won't mister grumpy pants come here and cool off instead of dying in that godforsaken coat of his?"

"Beats me. Probably doesn't like the water. I'm not going in either, you'll have to be the wet dog of this crew. Kinda like Scooby Doo."

"Don't you Scooby Doo my ass, I'm not worthy of that title." Dante looked over at Nero with a worrying look that had the teen scoot back a step, but before he could retort, Dante moved to get out of the pool.

"Come on, let's convince your dad the water isn't evil."

Nero nodded and got up from the edge of the pool, eyeing Dante suspiciously for a moment. When the older one didn't give any sign that he was up to any stupid pranks, Nero had made the fatal mistake of turning his back on his uncle.

Almost as soon as the kid turned around, Dante charged towards him and picked him up easily from underneath his arms, hoisting him up into the air.

"Dante, put me the fuck down right now. I'm not joking. Dante put me down. I'll start kicking where you don't want me to kick, Dante, put me the fuck down now!"

And true to his uncle personality, Dante did not put him down. Instead, he turned around and dangled Nero over the edge of the pool for a few moments with a shit eating grin on his face.

"D'aww, is the big bad Nero scared to get his hair wet? Ouch, hey, watch it, don't bite my arm!"

"Dude, put me down, this isn't fucking funny you old fart-"

"That's it, have a good dunk."

And with that, Dante dropped the teen into the pool, only a sliver of remorse passing through his mind at the possibility that maybe Nero didn't know how to swim. But that's stupid, even if he can't swim, Dante would just dive in to get him out.

But to his surprise, the kid did know how to swim. In fact, he knew how to swim so well that he was out of the water and trying to hurry back into the changing rooms as quickly as possible. He exchanged a confused look with Vergil, who only seemed even more pissed at the fact that he had upset his son. Oops. Dante raised his hands and shrugged, nodding his head in the direction of the disappearing teen who…seemed to be shaking? Had the water been that cold? He walked back towards his twin with a worried expression.

"Uh…is Nero okay?"

"You just threw him into the pool."

"Yeah but that's something that makes you get out and push the other person in! It's supposed to be fun, not make the kid run with his tail between his legs. Why would that upset him so much?"

Vergil sighed and lowered his book, thinking about his son's behavior.

"...You really are thick skulled. Maybe he doesn't like being surprised or picked up. Give him some time for now. I'll go see what's wrong if he doesn't come back in a few minutes."

With that, Dante went to sit on the opposite sunbed, sulking. When five, then ten minutes passed, Vergil put his book down completely and got up from his seat, looking around the park. Without a word, he started in the direction of the changing rooms, then knocked slowly on the door. When he received no response, he pushed the door, confused to find the room empty. That is, until his hearing picked up a small sniffling sound coming from the bathroom. He sighed once more and took the few steps towards the cramped room, giving the door a couple of tentative knocks.

"Nero? Are you in there?"

The sniffling abruptly stopped and he heard the shuffling sounds of someone hurrying to make themselves presentable.

"Uh, yeah, I am!"

"Is…is everything okay?"

"Yep, better than ever! I'll be out in a few minutes, don't wait for me. I'm sure Dante is going to push you in next so be careful."

Vergil clicked his tongue. It was clear the kid wasn't okay, he was trying to divert his attention from himself and he seemed to lack a certain annoyance towards the man who just threw him into the pool and made him cry. He was so going to strangle Dante.

"Your uncle and I were thinking of leaving soon, actually. Nero, why are you crying?"

Nero cursed silently the damn demonic hearing that picked up on every little detail. He pinched his nose bridge and tried not to sound extremely annoyed the next time he spoke.

"Look, I'll be out in a few, okay? You go back to Dante."

"Nero, I would like to know if you were hurt in any way. Can I come in?"

"No! Don't-" he took a moment to clear his throat, his stupid voice breaking in the worst moment. "Don't come in. I'm fine. Just leave me alone."

"...Nero. While I respect your privacy, I am worried. I need to see that you are unharmed."

"Please. Please don't."

"Can you please come out, Nero?"

"..."

The soft click of the door was the only response that met Vergil as his son stepped out of the bathroom, visibly soaked to the bone but otherwise safe. While looking him over, Vergil realized why his son insisted on not coming out of the bathroom. His gaze left that area and when he looked into the teen's eyes, the dams broke. Nero's eyes were bloodshot, fearful and…tired. Tired of hiding himself, perhaps? Tired of people overstepping his boundaries? Tired of…himself?

The next thing Nero did was to sink down to the floor and bring his knees up to meet his forehead. There was no use in muffling his sobs now but he did it anyway. It was over now. What little he managed to mend the relationship with his father was for absolute naught, Vergil would visibly cringe at the confession, maybe even physically recoil and, if he wasn't trying to keep himself from breaking apart, he would have laughed at the image. He was going to reject him, maybe leave him behind a second time, why not? People have all sorts of reactions to this kind of stuff, he was expecting it, he was ready for it, nothing would hurt him if he just expected it-

And yet, what he hadn't expected was for Vergil, for his father, to sit down next to him and pull him into his side for a hug. Nero didn't even manage to flinch or fight it, in fact, he was grateful for the warmth and comfort. He mindlessly leaned into his father's hug and hid his face in the other's chest, much like an overwhelmed child.

Vergil pulled his son closer, his hand on the back of the teen's head. Truth be told, he had no idea if Nero understood his actions, if he understood that he did not care for what he used to be or what his body looked like. All he knew was that he had a son, and things would stay that way, unless Nero decided to change that. His son's shaking made a piece of his heart break so he kissed his temple in hopes it would help the both of them.

After Nero had calmed down some more, Vergil used the Yamato to quickly teleport the both of them back to the Devil May Cry. He made sure his son was wrapped into the softest blanket they had lying around and the hot chocolate he made was the right temperature before he left to bring Dante back. He had half a mind to let him figure out how to get back on his own, but Nero had asked him to bring him back and, well, there's only so much a man can resist is there?

As soon as he saw him, however, Vergil took it upon himself to smack his twin upside the head for the idiocy he had displayed that day. Dante yelped, rubbed his head and apologized to Vergil for hurting Nero. He tried to inquire as to why what he did had upset the kid so bad but Vergil only scoffed before slicing the space matter with his blade.

"It's up to him to decide if he wants to tell you or not. Your responsibility is to apologize. And you will, but not tonight. Let him rest."

"I have to say, Vergil, for all your cold exterior you make a pretty good dad."

"Step through the portal, Dante."

Vergil even had the courtesy to teleport the younger twin straight to his own room and avoid having the kid face him again that evening. For the rest of the night, the older twin sat with his son on the couch, watching the shittiest movies Nero could find and refilling his hot chocolate before the teen could even realize his cup was empty. Once he had fallen asleep, Vergil made sure to carry him back into his room. Carefully, as to not wake him up, he tucked his son into bed and kissed his forehead before leaving the room.

I was going to write more but this was getting pretty long so! I decided to split it into two parts. I'm probably going to write Dante's part anyways, but let me know if you'd like to read it!

[goldenpinof]

Why do you think dnp’s views have dropped so much lately? Its odd because the fandom is actually relatively alive atm

i'm not really good at analysing such things. not enough data, i guess.

i think the core phandom is alive (although, could be more alive, imo). but not everyone came back, and those who did... i feel like half of them looked at things for a month or two, and left again. we're not even on 2018 level, there's a lack of engagement within the phandom, and i don't think we will ever come back to at least 2018. there were changes made, in dnpg content. and i'm not sure if people like it, or are interested in it. i'm not talking about gay stuff, btw.

also, phandom grew up. it's hard to keep up with so much content. people have job, families, other hobbies. we kinda had to find other hobbies during the hiatus, you know. October-December were fun and, dare i say, nostalgic. spooky week and gamingmas — that's what we knew before the hiatus. there was some interest in "how is it now, 5 years later?" but after that... idk, i have my thoughts on why people aren't watching dnpg videos immediately, or why they are skipping some altogether. but i can't say that what i think is based on something solid. not enough data. and making polls, asking if people watch every video, how long it takes to watch a new video, do they participate in the phandom, etc. — i feel like tumblr isn't the right place because those who are the target audience for these questions aren't actually here 😂

anyway. my main point is. the core phandom is here, casual viewers stopped showing up, youtube algorithm doesn't bring new people at all (unless it's the actual gameplay like Poppy and It Takes Two, or generally popular video topics like TikTok compilations or react videos). dnpg clickbait titles work 50/50. i feel like, even the outsiders know what titles are clickbait and what aren't. to be fucking real with you, i think "Dan and Phil are BROTHERS?" is hilarious. i'd click on the video exactly because it's clickbaity and because i want to hear commentary on that. the lore is so deep, it's fucking exciting. but, do others find it the same as i do? do casual viewers even know? like, if not, then this title is just a game ad. and the video is so poorly edited that returning to it would be painful. speaking of ads. people might be tired of them. and if they see that the video is clearly an ad (Dragon City or Brothers) they don't even click on it. people seem also tired of the sims, which is interesting to me. is it because the wedding is done, so now it's boring? idk.

i'd love to see the stats on the TikTok video. it's so different from everything else. like, it's the least dnpg video ever. it's literally the ap video, but it performed better not only because of the algorithm but also because it's on dnpg. i wonder if it made anyone subscribe to dnpg. every time i go to the channel, i see this video and i'm like, "wow! you really are here, with almost 500k views, something that even 2024 sims videos can't get. good for you, mf."

[sytokun]

Just so we can clarify. You actually think the Shane Newville Letter is legitimate? Also, you mentioned Monty's Tweet that involved defending Barbara Dunkelman. You said it was never specified who? Do you seriously believe that M&K "Ruined Monty's vision?" Was it not Miles and Kerry who Monty asked to help him write RWBY, and not Shane or Sheena? Why put on a pedestal people who had nothing to do with the show?

I'm leaving this under Read More because this is a tiring conversation we somehow still have to talk about.

Let's get to the root of this matter, which is the word of the letter vs. that of Rooster Teeth.

A company we now know is willing to spin whatever yarn if it means winning fans over to their side, and more than 40+ employees besides Shane have spoken out against once they actually felt safe to do so, because for once the fandom's opinion wasn't just 100% on RT's side and would immediately dismiss the workers on any other day? We're talking about that company, enabling that fandom, right?

Alright, cool. Because if you still don't think that the letter is at least worth reading after Rooster Teeth is revealed to be one of the worst workplaces ever, after numerous people have spoken regarding petty office politics, blatant theft of intellectual property and PR shenanigans, then I don't think you're here to actually discuss anything other than to get some "gotcha" moment you feel entitled to.

Shane's letter doesn't exist in a vacuum. It exists among years of abuse and coverups at Rooster Teeth, among dozens of anonymous reviews and now dozens of public accounts and callouts from employees we now know is true. All of which Rooster Teeth is more than willing to delegitimize, ignore or divert fan attention from. You realise that's the stance you're taking, right?

What do you see when you think of Shane's letter? Like honestly? That some pissed-off employee would spend 36 pages to gripe about some company that didn't give him what he want, like some spoiled brat? The letter would be laughed out the door and forgotten the moment it went public. But people are still talking about it, and you are still bringing it up and calling it to the witness stand as well. Almost like it still has something useful to say and people just don't want to confront that.

I find it funny that you think you can arbitrate who had nothing to do with what, when we know this is a company that ousted Georden Whitman from running his own show and sought to undermine his involvement with Nomad of Nowhere at every turn. M&K are hardly the actual villains here, but they're there because Monty found them cool to work with on his world, and because RT allowed it so they could keep RWBY in line like they did with Nomad. Almost like this is a grey situation where not everything is clear-cut, and there are human interests and corporate interests involved? You agree with that, right? So why not extend the same coddling sympathy you readily extend to M&K to Shane as well - someone who killed his corporate interests outright because he felt he had something to say about his human ones? Why not him? Because they're the poor little victims and Shane is the bad guy?

Both Shane and M&K were affected by Monty's death. Both probably acted how they felt was best for RWBY. I don't doubt that. One felt it was right to point out the rampant corruption and politicking going on within RWBY's production, which we know is true, and the other... hasn't said anything to counter the former other than "We're doing our best" and "Please don't bring this topic up again". Also they (Rooster Teeth) either fired the people who took his side or those people quit, or they were pressured into deleting their tweets that agreed with him. Do I have to spell out who's the one under attack in this situation, and who's the one exercising their clout to silence and turn public opinion against the other? A whole ass media corporation against one person?

One was candid and thorough with his thoughts and felt it was important enough to risk blacklisting himself in the eyes of the industry and the community entirely, and the other is still hiding behind the corporation backed by a PR team and piles of NDA agreements, and the goodwill of thousands of fans willing to back up this combination of curated responses and willful silence.

It'd make perfect sense for Monty to talk freely about RWBY to Sheena, i.e. his life partner, which meant talking about future plot points and ideas, even if she "had nothing to do with the show" in a strictly professional sense. But that's not what you're concerned about, are you? You're more interested in who you can put in the "bad box" with Shane and who you can put in the "good box" with Miles and Kerry.

Again I find it all very telling that even after it's been clear that the ex-employees of this company aren't the bad guys and RT have never been interested in giving its community the full story, fans are always quick to dismiss and demonise the ex-employees immediately. Almost like it's a trained reflex. Almost like that's exactly how the company wants you to perceive them - a bunch of nobodies and crazy kooks stirring up trouble.

There never was a "Monty's Vision". But I don't need Monty's Vision™ to know what RWBY is and to see clear as day that Rooster Teeth squandered every opportunity they had to do well by this series based on its own established setting and themes. That's what RWDE has a problem with. I bring up Monty in my posts because he created the show and said very specific, public and unambiguous things about it, whether in writing or in the show itself, that pointed to specific and clear outcomes in the show, not because he had some airy-fairy Vision. That's called reading the text and what the author said about his work to determine what the final, finished work accomplished regardless of authorial intent, AKA media critique. I am not weaponising his Vision™ by saying "He wrote this or clearly implied this, and then CRWBY didn't follow through". I am practicing basic pattern recognition.

And whether it's Barb, Miles or Kerry, obviously Monty saw them as friends. How friendly they were is a different topic from "are they the upper management and higher-ups in a corrupt system and may have perpetuated bad practices for years, whether unwittingly or not?" - something that Monty would not be exempt from either, because early RWBY is sketchy as hell too the more you dive into it.

I'd have been happy to have a civil discussion with you. Just because I'm salty in my posts where I post on a public platform critiquing a faceless company doesn't mean I talk to others directly that way, unless they're being an ass. But you saw it fit to waltz into my ask box and have free license to be passive aggressive and make sweeping assumptions about me, i.e. being an ass. So here's your response.

Go read Shane's letter and the 40+ accounts of worker abuse and favoritism in the company:

The same company with the sole right to make RWBY and played it up as "such a great honour" to continue Monty's work;

mishandled and abused that right every year by their consistent lack of understanding of its themes and characters;

used that right to exploit their fanbase to create a shield of sympathy and sentiment around RWBY, so anyone critiquing it or its certifiably horrid production is immediately demonised;

and will use that right to drag RWBY to the grave with them if they go under;

and then you can come here talking about Monty and what he created. You're the one who brought up Monty's Vision™ and whether I think M&K butchered it first, so clearly you care a great deal more than me about bringing up a topic that everyone agreed is stupid and irrelevant to bring up when talking about RWBY.

M&K didn't ruin Monty's Vision™, they, along with the rest of the writing team and RWBY's upper management who approved their poor decisions, ruined a good story with so much going for it if they knew what to do with it. The fact that you say Monty entrusted them with it like some kind of blood-sworn oath and not because RT owns the copyright on his story only makes them look even worse by comparison.

[dolloshub]

The Past and The Future (Former Owner)

(The following text was approved by Poral for posting.)

Hello there. I hope you're doing well today.

It's been quite a while since I last posted, and several weeks since Poral rejuvenated this blog, so we felt it best for me to provide an update. Neither of us want to keep these posts from gathering dust, especially given what's been happening recently, but that'll be explained further down.

———

First is the path going backward, specifically the context of what happened leading up to going our separate ways.

When one might envision a TPE lifestyle, even if the skill sets to properly enact it are there, actually bringing such a lifestyle into reality can be much more difficult. I'll fully admit that I had very little interaction with TPE as a lifestyle or a relationship, and bit off way more than I could chew in terms of experience. Consequently, while we had plenty of memorable moments alongside sizeable progress, our dynamic kept being undercut by interrelated tension, misunderstanding of expectations, and exceedingly high amounts of stress. By the time our relationship ended in late December of 2022, neither of us were remotely close to mentally stable, and I remember wishing at least once that I had never met her.

Poral has in retrospect attributed much of the stress generated on her end to the near-constant bombardment of seizures experienced daily, and there's definite weight to that. It's also true that my livelihood throughout this time period was very hectic overall, and our relationship was not the only topic actively tiring me out. Regardless, I still believe that our relationship failing was my fault for several reasons, mainly from the aforementioned inexperience. In not properly respecting what the Doll system needed then, we suffered as one.

We never cut each other off entirely, though, although there were no further messages after the breakup. In talking about it post-reconnecting, some small part of us always wanted that pull, that active link we shared. Maybe it was inevitable that we would intertwine once more, but honestly, it'll never be known for sure.

———

Next is the path as it currently stands, and what developments have been made recently.

Poral already mentioned bringing the Doll system online, our reconnecting, and further reinforcement. Like her, I'll keep most specific details vague, save for two important points worth expanding on. First, it's been made clear by me that a TPE relationship isn't in the cards, and Poral has graciously respected that request. For as much as I've been willing to help her stabilize and become the Doll she's wanted to be, both therapeutically and at times erotically, I'm not trusting in my own ability to maintain such a dynamic for the foreseeable future, if ever.

Second is the fact that everything is steadily bearing fruit, frankly much faster than either of us have expected. Processes that we thought would take weeks have instead taken days, and in one case several hours. It's gotten to the point where we've started joking about how short the next duration is going to last. This is likely as a result of the strong emotional pull that we share, despite months of non-contact, along with several other factors.

It hasn't been smooth sailing, however. There have been many logistical complications, primarily with surgery and how Doll might behave afterwards, so we've installed and plan on installing a multitude of safeties to make sure that programming isn't outstripped. There have been emotional complications as well, and programming itself has proven uncertain at times, because of the potential problem of transferal into other apps.

We know that this path is a difficult one. There's a chance that amidst all this turmoil, the progression we have made will come undone and everything will be lost. It nearly happened once already. Nonetheless, we're moving forward with greater shared understanding and appreciation than in the past, and if the worst comes to pass, we'd rather fall short together than apart. Frankly, I couldn't have made it this far without Poral's help and encouragement, and the knowledge she has over her own system. I'm so proud of her efforts.

———

Lastly, let me return to something I alluded to at the start.

One main aspect that we've been working on is the threshold of app isolation, i.e. the lack of awareness that each one has of both others and itself as an app. We believe reaching the threshold will greatly stabilize the Doll system's functionality, removing much of the usual awareness of its DID history and wiring, and thus enabling greater opportunities for programming and further stabilization.

When that happens, this blog's tone and self-acknowledgement may change slightly. There will still be a portion of the Doll that has greater awareness, so they may take over posting duties, but the apps that have written in the past will likely appear less often. In any case, we'll be sure to keep you updated.

As Poral said, the future looks bright, and full of promise. Thank you so much for reading.

— Ungso (former Owner)

[metanoianmayhem]

You Never Let Anything Go, Ever

Apparently, midway thru an acid trip was an appropriate time for my (then) nearest and dearest to tell me this.

I won't lie - I struggle to let things be bygones - to not remember them or try to remember.

Because on the other hand if I am wary of a repeated behavior, or I can't remember this thing that happened with enough detail, I get brushed off.

Sort of damned if I do, damned if I don't. "Oh you made that up" versus "you never let it go"

I'm not wild about ultimatums - but they do apply sometimes to life. I have a partner who hates them, and who's first response to them is "Fuck you."

We're nonmonogamous. Or, in theory are. In practice, it's more like "I see other people sporadically, he freaks out, but also has a girlfriend. But wait! That girlfriend isn't that into sex, so like, it's not the same thing, esp since by the numbers I've had more people!"

...yeah. You could say I'm a little over that part of the relationship. Don't get me wrong, there's a great deal of other things I love about him. We meet each other halfway on important stuff, share a lot of ideologies, we take good care of each other, make each other laugh until we snort.

Not small potatos either. I've never wanted to spend this long with someone full time before.

But I am running out of patience for the nonmonogamy hypocrisy dance.

Last minute birthday overnight with the other person that I get to find out? We're going on a trip for the next few days, so it was the only time he'd spend with her. That's fair.

Except.

If I did that? He'd blow a damn gasket.

Can I have preexisting partners? No, he freaks out. Share a partner? No, he freaks out. Date safe friends? No, he freaks out (or at least doesn't chill out until the concessions I have made for his comfort have eroded the other relationship/taught them this is the standard) Date friends of mine? No, he freaks out. Even if he gets time to get to know them. Date people from the internet? No, he freaks out.

Oh, unless I fucked them once two years ago and have a (sort of) defined relationship with them.

Or if I'm lukewarm about them.

The last time I dated someone else locally long term, was almost two years ago. He's adjusted (some) to some things. Eventually adjusted to preexisting partners. Eventually adjusted (somewhat) to me investigating dating apps (although I suspect some of that is because it doesn't go anywhere) Yes, we are in couples counseling. Yes, this is the current topic, so it is heavily on my mind. But I am running out of patience, i am annoyed as fuck, and so, I am venting here on the internet, in the space where I have always vented.

Feels bad that I only write when I have something negative to say, but I am also extremely frustrated.

We have things to unpack. I don't know how to keep doing this, especially the pattern of I ask, and ask, and ask for specific social things, kink things, life things and oh maybe yeah at some point.

A friend or his other partner asks? It happens! Why, he does things less regularly with them because of all the time he spends with me.

The only solutions I seem to be coming to are "Spend less time with each other", "Suck it up and stop asking for these things from him.", "Idk, I guess silently seethe about it."

More likely, I'll bring it up in couples counseling.

But I am very cranky. and very tired of this. and it makes me very unaffectionate and it shows. I never was any good at having a poker face.

But hey, you know me. I never let anything go, ever.

After all. There's no reasons for that.