#I know what I’ll be doing today in between my break downs and panic attacks 😌

[oleander-cup]

impossible - where she finds out she isn't impossible to love. // wc: 20k // pairing: kita x fem reader // content: panic attacks, angst, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, fighting, throwing things, atsumu is an asshole ex, healing, executive dysfunction, slow burn, self-worth issues, past toxic relationship, some lines can read as suggestive

She didn’t think she would end up here, on a sunny day holding a box with the words ‘his’ drawn on in a dying marker. Her hand tentatively reaches up and raps against the door with quick but loud knocks. Her teeth pull her lip between them and bite gently as they roll the flesh around. She can feel her heartbeat the closer the footsteps behind the door get to where she is. How did it get like this? When was she scared to visit this house? 

One that used to be her home. The door is the same, same peeling paint around the doorknob and the hinges. Same tilted window with the stickers on it to make it appear like stained glass on the inside. The door opens and a quick breath of air comes into her lungs, “oh, are we doing that today?” is all he says as he leans against the doorframe. 

“Yes,” the words escape her mouth and for some reason her eyes begin to sting. “Yes, we are doing this today, I don’t want to see these things anymore.” She hears the scoff before her eyes register the look on his face. Hurt. He doesn’t get to feel hurt. Not when this was all because of him anyway. 

“Didn’t realize my stuff was clouding up your apartment anyway. It is small though so I guess you needed space.” The jab doesn’t go unmissed. Yes, it’s a small apartment but it’s more than enough for herself and a guest. Not everyone has the salary of a pro-athlete and can afford their own home before the age of 22.  

“I did. I’m moving and didn’t want to take it with me.” She doesn’t miss the way his eyebrows furrow slightly and his body leans back as if jolted by electricity; within a moment all is back to his normal expression. 

“Moving?” He can’t seem to help himself once he starts, he knows he should bite his tongue to make sure he doesn’t regret anything more. “Too expensive to live in the city?” He prods with a laugh knowing it will hurt, but part of him wants it to. Wants it to hurt the way that he is.

“I don’t need reminders of you.” Her voice holds anger as she gets louder than before. The box gets shoved towards him. “Here-” her voice breaks slightly and she wants to hide herself away but tries to keep her brave face.

“What’s so bad about remembering me?” He scoffs and pushes the box back towards her as he takes a step away.

“Everything,” she sighs and sets the box down. “Look I’ll just leave-”

“No. You don’t get to just leave again.” There’s an anger in his voice that sounds more serious than before.

“I’m tired, Atsumu. I want to go home, I want to finish packing and I want to go to my new home.” She remarks as the energy is zapped from her voice.

“Please. Just so I can gather your things if you’re really going to leave.” He steps aside and despite herself and every voice in her head telling her how bad of an idea this is, she steps over the threshold and into the house that once felt like home. She sits on the couch riddled with lint and the throw pillow she remembers gifting him for Christmas their first year together. “Do you want a water or anything?” He sets his box down on the kitchen island. Her eyes lock onto the small divot in the wall from their last fight.

“No, I’m okay.” He walks away and being in the house is too much. Her memories assault her, good and bad. Her hands find solace in playing with the strings on the throw pillow. 

“You got me a pillow?” There’s an obvious hint of confusion in his voice as he looks at the brown pillow.

“I got us a pillow. Since I’m over here a lot more and your couch is…lackluster in the pillow department.” A laugh tumbles from her lips and then her head gets hit softly with a pillow. “Oh it is so on.” She rushes to get up from the couch but arms wrap around her and pull her back to his lap. 

“Where are you going sweetcheeks?” He smiles as his head nuzzles into her neck and he leaves a kiss there. 

“Well, you obviously declared a pillow fight.”

“Did I? I don’t remember doing such a thing.” He hits her on the head again with the pillow and she turns her face to look at him. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“You just did it again!” 

Not everything about the relationship was awful. It’s just hard to look onto the past without getting sad. A barely there smile is on her face as Atsumu comes back. The box in hand. It’s messy and looks thrown together last minute, it feels like the pinnacle of their relationship. She can see that the clothes in the box were haphazardly thrown into it and the book is getting all bent from its position. The box doesn’t have a label and isn’t big enough to hold everything as the top remains open. “You’re crying.”

Since when did you care when I cry? The words almost slip past her lips but she composes herself. Her hand goes up to where she can feel the tear rolling over the hills of her face. Her eyes sting and her throat begins to close up, she clears it and stands up wiping imaginary dust from her pants. She wants to tell him vile things. Wants to yell at him again. But she knows that won’t do any good, so she takes the box from his arms and thanks him for his time before she makes her way toward the door. 

“Will you tell me why you were crying?” He almost pleads with her. “I don’t want you to leave my house crying again-” she almost complies, can feel words bubbling beneath the surface. “Don’t want the paparazzi to see and get the wrong message.” And there it is. What makes Atsumu, well, Atsumu. He will always push away feelings with poorly timed jokes and attitude. 

“If only– nope. I’m better than that.” She shuts her eyes and her face scrunches up as she takes a deep breath to attempt to calm herself down. “It’s always the same with you isn’t it. Too insecure to let everyone know that you can feel things.”

“Better than spewing my feelings everywhere like a bad sickness.” The walls feel as though they’re closing in on her. She can feel the hate in them and realizes why this house no longer felt like home. It’s too filled with hate, filled with words that never passed his lips in her company. Words only the wallpaper heard and held on to.

“You keep talking to the walls, Atsumu. I hope they keep better company than you.”

“Wait- that’s not what I–” He lifts his hand and for a brief moment she can feel herself flinch. Can feel her bones move and shrink in on themselves to make her smaller, to hide her away. “Gods, I wasn’t going to hit you. I’ve never hit you, why would I start now.”

“Your words have stung sharper than any hits I’ve taken,” her filter has disappeared. She can’t hold back the words anymore now that she doesn’t have the energy to keep them hidden in her mind. “You can’t do this Atsumu, you can’t say things you decide you don’t mean when you realize they hurt people and then apologize and act like everything is perfectly fine. Hell, you don’t even properly apologize Atsumu, you brush the problem off with gifts and hope I forget about it.”

“I tried my best, I tried my best for you. It’s not my fault I wasn’t good enough,” he shakes his head and furrows his brows. 

“It wasn’t that you weren’t good enough. Are you listening to the words I’m saying Atsumu?”

“I hate when you treat me like a child,” he mumbles under his breath but makes sure she can hear it.

“Well then don’t act like one.” She can feel the anger growing as her voice teeters on the edge of a shout.

“Maybe I wouldn’t act like a child if you didn’t treat me like one,” it’s a weak argument and he knows it as soon as it passes his lips but his mind is blinded with rage. He’s focused on proving himself right, everyone else be damned. 

“This is why we didn’t work out. You’re too hot headed and I’m too–”

“Our relationship didn’t work out because you asked too much of me without giving me anything in return Y/N.” 

“That’s not true and you know it.” She points her finger at him and they grow closer to each other. 

“Oh really.” He takes another step forward and crosses his arms as he looks down at her. 

“Tell me when this happened Atsumu,” she challenges and doesn’t back down as she steps closer to him. They are now pressed against each other; the thing keeping them apart is the box of her belongings; the room feels much smaller than it had moments prior.

“You were constantly nagging at me to talk to you but whenever you felt hurt you refused to talk to me. You went to your little friends to tell them what was happening instead of talking to me about it. Always wanting to feel like you’re right even when you’re not and instead of admitting it you gaslight people into thinking you were right.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have had to go to my friends to tell them what was wrong if you listened when I told you what was wrong.” She spits the words out like venom.

“Maybe I would have listened if you weren’t always going on about random nonsense. No one cares. No one cares about you or your feelings. You’ve always been impossible. I don’t know how I ever fell in love with you.”

“I’m not sure you did, Atsumu.” The statement brings a somberness that the words moments before didn’t hold. 

“No, you…” he sucks in air through his teeth. “You don’t get to tell me how I felt Y/N. You don’t get to come to my home and insult me. I loved you. I loved you so much I felt like I was burning inside, you were burning me. You with your fake promises and words, you were the one who pulled away from me. I could feel it in every sigh you took, in every step we walked when the distance was too far for my hand to brush against yours. I loved you.”

“I can tell you my perceptions of your feelings. I can tell you how it felt to not be loved by you. Burning you? That’s rich. Considering everything you touch seems to turn to cinder and ash. You are the fire Atsumu, you can keep people warm but you destroy them. I left because of you. You–”

“I loved you. I lov–”

“Stop this game. Stop it Atsumu, I can’t do this today.” Her eyes begin to sting again and her throat feels much tighter than before. The moths in her stomach fly around and she feels like she could throw up. 

“You’re the one who came here,” he mentions bitterly.

“I might be the one who came here but you left long before I did.”

“I was here. In what was going to be our home, I was here waiting for you.” She picks her head up as the hot tears roll over her cheeks and she can feel the salty taste in her mouth as she opens it.

“Waiting for me? Waiting for me?” She repeats the words twice before a wet laugh comes out of her and she throws her head back. “Atsumu, you have never waited for anyone in your life.”

“I waited for you. I slept in the same bed as you for months tossing and turning as the space between us grew bigger and before I knew it you were gone.”

“And how did that happen?” 

“Because you pulled away.”

“Because you pushed me away. I only left because I was pushed. I always loved you more than you loved me. You were too keen to hurt people and say it was love.” He’s silent now, can feel his words die on his tongue. The rage is still boiling under the surface, not hidden but not as active as it was before. He feels like he was doused with water, he feels like he should be drowning. Like he is drowning. The anger doesn’t fizzle out merely makes bubbles under the water. 

“I did love you.” It’s the same words he’s repeated over and over again tonight. 

“As I remember, that's not what you said when I left.” He can hardly remember what he said when she had packed up her things and left his home. He remembers that one moment she was here and the next she was gone. 

“I loved you,” he stays with his conviction. “You were the one who left for no good reason.”

“That’s not how I remember it.” 

There wasn’t a good reason for the fight, not a big one at least. An inciting incident, Atsumu had forgotten a date. “Are you almost…” her smile falls and the words fall from her mouth as she witnesses him sit in his chair with a soda in hand and a game on the TV. The answer to her question was no. He was not almost ready. 

He turns his head and looks at her outfit before he hears a whistle on the TV and his attention is promptly brought back to it. “You look nice, going somewhere?”

“Apparently not.” 

“What do you– oh come on ref. That was a terrible call! It was inside the lines and you know it.” He scoffs and takes a sip of his soda before remembering that he was talking to her. “What do you mean ‘not anymore’?” 

“You don’t remember?” She taps her jacket in her hand and draws her lips into a thin line. 

“Remember what?” She moves to stand in front of the TV and asks the question again.

“You don’t remember our plans today?” He rolls his eyes and shuts the TV off as she blocks his view. 

“We didn’t have plans today.”

“Look at your calendar,” she says almost defeated.

“Oh come on, you know I don’t check that stupid thing.”

“You were the one who put it there. Said you didn’t want to forget because you had a busy week.” He reaches over to the table to grab his phone and scrolls to the calendar app. He sighs when he looks at what the appointment was. A date. He had planned a date. And it was already fifteen minutes past the time he was supposed to get ready. He hadn’t heard his reminder go off to tell him to get ready.

He didn’t remember it going off. She had heard it go off though, she had heard it ring from the bedroom as she was doing her makeup. Her hopes were crushed when she heard the TV continue to play and he didn’t come into the room and kiss her, smudging her lipstick on his face in the process. 

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“This isn’t how I want to be loved Atsumu.” That gets him to stand up, he makes his way over to her. Anger evident in every step he takes, he puts his hand on her shoulder in an attempt of a calm motion but she swipes it off. “Please, don’t touch me right now.”

“You’re being overdramatic,” he scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“Am I or do you just not care about me anymore.”

“I care about you, what the hell are you talking about?”

“I don’t feel like you care about me Atsumu, you’re never home,” she crosses her arms.

“I have to travel because of volleyball, you know this.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. You never listen to me.”

“Then what am I doing right now?”

“Yelling. You’re not listening to me and you never have. You never talk about your feelings, you make me feel so small and unloved.”

“Well it’s not my fault you’re impossible to love.” It’s the final straw, they both know it. His hands are clenched in his hair and there’s a nasty sneer on his face as he spits the words at her. 

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try,” her voice trembles over the words but it’s clear that she tries to cover it with a cough. Her head finally moves away from him, no longer able to look into his honeyed eyes. The ones she loved so dearly, what drew her to him in the first place. He felt so warm, instead he burned too hot and now all she feels is cold.

“Y/N, that’s not what I–”

“Just stop while you’re ahead, Atsumu.” He feels frozen in place as he watches tears pour from her eyes as she heads towards the bedroom. He’s not sure what he should do, if he should stop her or help her or, or, or, he feels stuck. In a loop of ‘or’ a multiple choice quiz without a correct answer. When he blinks again she has a bag packed and is leaving the room.

“Don’t leave,” he pleads and reaches out for her. She can’t bring herself to look at him. She knows if she takes one look at those eyes that her walls will crumble and she might be convinced to stay. 

“I’m tired of staying for someone who is never here.”

“I’m here, I’m here now. I’ll listen. I’ll give you anything you want, I’ll take you to that restaurant that you’ve been dying to go to.”

“You’re not here Atsumu, and there you go again…if you had listened to me in the first place maybe things wouldn’t have gotten as twisted as they did. You can’t just throw money at all of your problems and hope they go away, you can’t treat me like a scandal that’s going to show up in the news tomorrow.” She opens the door and doesn't give him a second thought when she closes it behind her. 

It’s like a weight is lifted off of her shoulders, a cold chill that is thawing. She can’t look back because it hurts too much. Can’t look back because he’s there and she needs to move forward.

“You still don’t listen, you’re just the same boy you were when I left four months ago.”

“You’re still the same coward that ran away instead of fixing our problems.”

“If I’m a coward I shiver to think what that makes you.” She picks up the box, unsure of when she dropped it in the first place and opens the door. “For the next girl that you decide you need, try listening to her instead of hoping everything is fine because you bought her something.” In an all too familiar way she closes the door and lets her back rest against it for a moment. She has no reason to come back to this house, it feels more empty than it does cold. She’ll think of the throw pillow and the crooked window and of the man inside that she once loved. She’ll remember the good times along with the bad, but she won’t be coming back here again. 

She puts the box in her car along with her other ones and with one last look at the house as she pulls out she leaves. A breath escapes her as the house grows smaller the farther away she gets from it. It’s her last day in the city, she won’t have to think of it ever again. She’ll have her head in the clouds where he won’t be able to reach her anymore, where every uneven window doesn’t remind her of him and where she doesn’t have to see his face in every magazine, billboard, and fruit stand. She can be free of him.

She doesn’t turn the navigation on until she passes the town limit. She knows all of the curves and roads of the city. Remembers the corner street where she kissed him for the first time. 

Standing on the corner of the street she waited for the light to turn to red so she could walk. Only a few blocks and she could get home to him. Over her headphones she couldn’t hear the calls of her name, when arms wrapped around her shoulder and pulled her headphone out she jumped before the voice reached her. “Hi sweetcheeks,” she relaxes into the arms and turns to face him.

“And what are you doing here? Don’t you have practice?” She can’t hide the palpable excitement in her voice.

“Not today, I thought I would spend the day with you.” She doesn’t fully believe the sentence but hums. “Don’t believe me?” 

“No, you’re a serial liar.” 

“You wound me,” he puts his hand on his chest and makes a faux hurt expression. 

“Oh shut up,” the light turns red and allows for pedestrians to cross and she takes a step forward. He holds her hand to stop her from stepping forward more. “Atsumu, wha—“ 

“One second.” He leans down and places a swift kiss on her lips before he pulls her along. “Move your legs, let’s go home.” 

She remembers the magazines the next day had it plastered all over the front cover. Her lips quirk up slightly at the thought as she remembers his reaction. She covers her mouth as a small laugh escapes her lips. He had sounded so worried. So worried about her safety from the girls who took it too far, he had worried himself sick. 

All of the streets are filled with memories. They’re practically the foundation of the roads, paving the sidewalks, the bricks and glass of the buildings. He’s in everything this city has touched. Her shoulders finally fall from the tensed position they had found themselves in when her car passes the sign that says where the town limit is. 

She eagerly looks around at the scenery as she drives further into the countryside. Nothing reminds her of him. Everything is fresh and new. The air feels different. Feels lighter, freer. No more billboards with his face on them, or tilted windows, or felt ridden couches. She rolls down the window and lets the air hit her face. The wind stings as it hits her face, much colder out than it should be for her to roll down the window. But she feels as though she can breathe for the first time in four months. Hell, maybe the first time in the past year. The stinging reminds her that she’s still alive.

It takes her an hour to get to the location. It’s nothing too crazy, a simple townhouse. None of the windows are tilted or hold glass stickers to make it look like stained glass. The door is freshly painted, the paint holding firm against the hinges and doorknob. She turns the key into the lock and a bright smile creeps onto her face at the click it makes. She can’t help the sound of delight that escapes her mouth as she pushes the door open, it opens easily and doesn’t catch on the floor. 

“Home sweet home. My home.” She spins in a circle with a laugh coming from her mouth. After a few rotations she feels her head pound and stops before going to the car to gather the boxes. Anything that reminded her of him too much was thrown out. The only box that stays in the car is the only non-labeled box. 

The cupboards are new. Everything is new. The walls don’t hold anger or fear. Her pillows don’t hold tears of many nights of crying herself to sleep, the kitchen island doesn’t have a divot from a thrown plate. Her couch isn’t covered in lint, her throw pillows have designs and her posters are hanging around everywhere. She feels like a kid again. She doesn’t feel the weight of anxiety over the other shoe dropping. Doesn’t think about what could go wrong. For the first time in a long time, her brain is quiet. She focuses on unpacking and breaking down boxes and she does so with a wide smile on her face. 

— —- —- — —- —

The beeping of her alarm stirs her from her peaceful slumber, she turns over and picks the device up with a groan. Her eyes open and she remembers that she’s in her house and not her little apartment. She stops the alarm and rolls over onto her back. “It wasn’t a dream. This is really mine.” There’s a content smile on her face as she stares at the ceiling, her feet kick and she sits up. 

There’s an ache in her back and she recoils a little bit and puts her hands where it hurts to stretch. “Same back pain though.” She shakes her head and moves from the bed over to her closet before realizing that most of her interview clothes are still packed up. She doesn’t need to dress too fancy, it’s a position as a farm hand. They must really need help if she was considered for an interview. 

“It will be good for you, maybe it will help with your anger issues.” She tucks her button up into her slacks and after packing her lunch walks out the door. It’s not a long car ride only five minutes down the road. There’s a quaint house sitting at the top of the hill, it's painted blue with a white roof and shutters. The path is gravel and she’s a little worried about a rock flying up and hitting her windshield. 

As she gets closer she can see a man standing outside. He has a set of overalls on, they have splotches of dirt and mud caked around the hems of the legs. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up past his elbows and his arms are crossed over his chest. His face holds a calm, neutral expression. She steps out of the car and he gives her a small nod, she gives him a smile in return as she draws closer to him. 

“Are you Kita?” He nods and holds out his hand after taking his dirty work glove off. She reaches her own hand out, she notices that there are many calluses on his hands and that they’re rough from work.

“You must be L/N Y/N.” She nods with a smile and clasps her hands in front of her. “Will you tell me what position you’re here for, just so we’re both on the same page.”

“The ad said farm hand, I’m not entirely sure what that all entails but I’m eager to help.” 

“Okay, why don’t we find some gloves and overalls for you.”

“Did I get the job…?” She furrows her brows and tilts her head a little to the side.

“This is your interview.” She doesn’t know whether she enjoys how blunt and point blank he is or if it will be a nuisance. She supposes for this it was a good thing. He turns and starts walking a little past the blue house where a rickety looking shed lies. The wood on the sides are chipped and the door is ragged at the bottom. He opens the shed and hands her a pair of gloves. “These should fit,” he says as he hands over a pair of overalls. She nods and quickly puts them on over her other clothes. 

“So, what are—“

“We’ll st— sorry. Please, ask questions.” Kita quickly apologizes for cutting her off and motions for her to go on.

“Oh, thank you.” She clears her throat and takes a moment to think. “What exactly are the responsibilities of this position?” 

“It depends on the day. Nothing I wouldn’t do myself, so don’t be worried about having to do a job just because I don’t want to do it.” 

“Okay, well, where are we starting today?” 

“We need to check if the strawberries are done, then we wash and package them after we pick them. Some of the batches will be turned into jam. Have you ever made jam before?” He leads her towards the strawberry patch. “The only real way to tell is the taste.”

Just as she’s beginning to look around for what looks like a ripe strawberry he’s pointing one out and plucking it. “This one looks ready, see if it tastes ready.” He holds the berry out and when she turns her head her brows furrow and she gives him a look of confusion. “For you to taste.” Oh. It feels like her body shuts down, Kita pushes the berry against her lips, it tinges the skin a light shade of red and makes the surface shiny. Hesitantly she opens her mouth and takes a small bite. He tosses the rest of the berry into his own mouth with a hum. “Does it seem ripe to you?” 

Her skin feels too warm and her brain feels like it should have some sort of thought in it but the words get caught on the way out. She opens her mouth and closes it a few times, when he looks at her with confusion she just nods her head. “Yeah, yeah–” she clears her throat– “seems ripe to me.” 

“This row should be good to start picking then, sorry it’s a bit of a walk back to the house.” 

“It’s fine, it’s…nice out here.”

“Better than the hustle and bustle of the city?” The two of them fall into quiet conversation as they fill their baskets. She’s surprised as to how…comfortable it is– talking with him. The silence doesn’t cause her skin to crawl, doesn’t make her want words to tumble out of her mouth to fill the gaps. The silence is peaceful, a gentle breeze pushing pinwheels to spin. The walk back to the house isn’t as bad as he had said it would be, they don’t rush or take too long. It’s a comfortable stride, two baskets in their hands and content smiles on their faces.

The sorting takes them an hour as she has to stop and check with Kita when she’s not entirely sure whether to put a berry in the jam pile or the boxed pile. “I’m assuming we’re washing them first?” He nods and hands her the bowl they designated for ‘jam berries’ and starts to leave the kitchen.

“I’m getting the canning jars, just wash them off and I’ll be back with the ingredients.” He points down a hall and once he gets an approving nod from her that she doesn’t need help leaves the kitchen. When he returns the strawberries are on the island counter and he has a bag of sugar and a bowl of lemons in one arm and four canning jars in the other. “What we’re gonna do is mash those strawberries up, you can use a wooden spoon just fine.” He motions his head behind her and places the ingredients and jars on the counter.

She opens a few drawers before she finds the spoon and hands it to Kita but he shakes his head and pushes it back towards her. “Wash our hands and then we can mash them, why don’t you mash them and I’ll find a saucepan that’s big enough.” He walks behind her to open the oven, after deliberating for a few moments he finally decides on one he deems fit and sets it on top of the stove. She washes her hands and then starts mashing the berries with a spoon. “I sell these every two weeks during strawberry season at the local farmer’s market we have.”

“There’s a farmer’s market?”

“Yeah, it’s really nice, it’s happening this Friday if you want to go. It’s Friday, Saturday, Sunday so I’ll be gathering strawberries and making jam a majority of the week. Sorry it isn’t too exciting.”

“I’ll take it, I got the job,” she jokes and bumps him with her hip. He rolls his eyes and begins measuring out the sugar. “I would love to go, do you have your booth open the whole weekend?”

“Only Saturdays,” he answers and pulls a knife off of the holder on the wall to cut the lemons. “I like to look at the other stalls on Friday and then Sunday is making up for the work I missed Friday and Saturday. Shouldn’t be that bad now that I have some help.”

“Sounds like a plan,” she stirs the mixture around in the bowl. “Are these mashed enough?”

“Yeah, good timing. I just finished measuring everything. All we do now is put all of these into the pot and stir until the sugar is dissolved. Then, we wait for it to boil and put it in jars after a quick test. You just take a small spoonful and put it on a frozen plate, if it starts to gel after a few minutes then it’s ready.”

“This isn’t so bad, I thought this would be a lot worse.”

“Harvesting isn’t the best, it’s definitely tedious but I have good company.”

 “It seems I have good company too.”

When they finish canning the row of strawberries and bagging the rest the sun is setting past the horizon. Kita walks her to her car, a hand hovering over the small of her back as he walks beside her. For a brief moment the hand touches her back when she stops walking. He turns his own head to see what she’s looking at, “the sun,” she says. “I’m not used to being able to see it set, don’t usually get off work early enough to see it.” 

“Do you live around here?” She nods and points down the road.

“Just about five minutes that way.”

“Go to your backyard tonight. Put out a blanket and have a snack, I’ll take it you’ve never seen the stars without light pollution.” She shakes her head, still lost in thought as the sun disappears and the sky slowly turns to a gradient of blue. “It’s surreal to see for the first time. I think you’ll enjoy it.”

“I’ll let you know, see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, more canning and making products for the farmers market. We should be good on jam, well for the market, we can make more afterwards. So I just need to make some pies, put rice in bags, and then check to see if the peach trees are doing well.”

“That seems like a packed day.”

“It’s just routine, see you around six?”

“I thought farm work started earlier…”

“It does, I don’t need you here until six though. I should be gathering the rice or close to finished by the time you get here.”

“I can get here earlier you know.”

“It’s your first real day, sleep in a little bit. We’ll start regular hours next week.” She hums but gets in her car, he holds the door open for her and leans down. His hands resting on top for support as he bends down. “You moved from the city, it’ll take you a bit to get used to all this.”

“Okay, see you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow.” He stands up and closes her car door, she doesn’t see him start back inside until she gets out of the driveway and back down the hill. In the short ride back to her own home she can’t get the white haired farmer out of her mind. How warm his hand has felt on her back— a level of comfort she has not felt in years. 

 She’s hit with the fact that she left everything behind when she clicks open the lock of her home. This is real, she forgot all about her friends, all of the people she loved. Her hands hesitate as she touches the cold doorknob. Should she care more…? Those people were once her whole life, the happiness she felt in the world. An argument could be had for him as well if that was the case, he was once her happiness. He had taken it and tied it around her like a noose, making her choke on the love she once cherished. 

All thoughts disappear when her foot goes over the threshold, like fanning away at bits of dust and watching them dissipate. She shouldn’t think like that, Atsumu was no longer a part of her life. Hadn’t been for almost a year, they may have only been broken up for four months ago but he had left the relationship far earlier. 

She needs to unpack her boxes, she can feel them collecting dust even as they haven’t sat for very long. Her heart beats faster as her feet won’t move from the doorway, like they’re glued to the wooden panels, she slides down the door and sits on the ground. Her lungs feel like they’re closing in and her throat grows scratchy as her eyes sting. There must be something wrong with her, she went from happy to thinking about her boxes. She can’t seriously be crying over boxes can she? “That’s pathetic, even for you.”

There’s a buzz from her phone at that moment that stirs her from her thoughts. She can see the preview, see that it’s from Kita but she can’t find the energy to respond. She focuses on the words he says, anything to make her forget about the boxes that sit in the hall. Anything to stop her train of thought from continuing down the path it was starting to. 

– You did well today, thank you for being such a big help with the jam and harvesting. For Friday – If you are still wanting to go with me – I will need your address so I can pick you up. I like to arrive around 12, I would like to pick you up around 11 as it takes a little longer to get to the market and find parking. See you tomorrow at 6, thank you again for helping. - Kita

The words soothe her in a way she can’t explain. She wipes the tears away from her eyes and takes a deep breath. The boxes can wait, it’s not a life or death situation that needs to be resolved right away. It’s a task that she can wait to do. She’s probably just hungry, she tries to reason with herself. That’s the only reason for her outburst, just hunger and anxiety about being so far from what was once her home. One of the first things her eyes go to when she opens her fridge is a pink-y red fruit. A pomegranate.

She reaches for the fruit, not one she usually eats, and sets out a towel on a cutting board as she pulls a knife from the rack and sets the fruit down on the towel. With a decisive cut she splits the fruit in half and watches as it leaks red, sticky juice onto the fabric of her towel. With another cut she hears the small cracks of protest from the fruit before it’s split into fourths on her cutting board. In some sick twisted way this is helping her feel better but causing new trains of thought to fester in her mind. People think pomegranates are beautiful and love them despite the mess they make. How their nails get stained with red after getting to the seeds inside, how the juice sticks to them and stains their lips a deeper hue. Despite the mess, pomegranates are loved. 

“You’re impossible to love,” she thinks of that moment again. It feels like it should be tattooed on her. She’s impossible to love. She asks for too much and gives too little. Is her mess one people can’t clean up?  She wants to stain somebody's lips with her love, wants it to be in their skin like it’s in hers. And maybe that’s the problem. Her love is messy, impossible, people don’t want love that stains them. That lingers on their lips and hands. She wants someone to love her despite the mess she makes and still think of her as beautiful. 

As she takes the fruit out of the shell she wonders if anyone will treat her this carefully, if they’ll peel back the layers of her defenses to see what’s inside. Get to the root of her, if they would peel away the seeds of doubt. Gently let their fingers trace her skin and stain her as much as she stains them. Pick out the parts of her that hurt, see the bruises of her character and kiss over them with love and understanding. Take care in taking apart the things that cause others to give up, to love her despite the bruises or imperfections of her outer shell. 

As she eats the fruit she welcomes how it stains her skin, how it colors her lips and mouth. She welcomes the mess it creates and enjoys it still with her being. Someone will love her and the mess she makes, will take care in cleaning up the cuts and wounds that have appeared on her heart. Will wash away the stains of pain that have colored her skin. She washes the cutting board, and is careful to get as much of the stain out of the wood as possible. The knife is much easier to clean, as it usually is. The tool to break things is much easier to clean than the stains of the act, the tool is a simple swipe clean and is back to normal. She knows the rag and cutting board will never be the same, no matter how much she scrubs and washes them. They will be forever stained with the juice of her snack. The peel winds up in her compost bin, and the bowl housing the rest of the seeds is covered and placed back in the fridge.

Her nails will be stained for the next few days, a rose color, and she’ll feel the remnants on her teeth for weeks. Her body will remember what her words will not. What her eyes and mind will forget as new information washes over them. As she slips into bed for the night she thinks of a blonde who broke her heart and of a farmer who despite not knowing her was as gentle with her as a piece of glass. He didn’t treat her as breakable but in the little acts he did for her in the one day they had, he showed more care than she had grown accustomed to. Had dodged past her thorns and held the stem to guide and prune. He had been kind, in a world where so very few people were anymore.

She followed his instructions and took a blanket outside, a time when she really should not have been awake, and laid down on the grass of her backyard and gazed at the stars. She had heard some people didn’t like how insignificant they felt looking at stars but they comforted her in ways she’s not sure she will ever be able to explain with words. The thought that there are other people out there going through what she is going through made her feel less…less angry. The anger had continued to fester under the surface from the days prior, she’s not sure how the stars managed to soothe her, get rid of the boiling deep in her soul and replace it with gentle waves. She should thank Kita, she has the thought as she drinks water from her cup and she lays back down to look at the stars. Maybe she was a star in someone else’s universe, or maybe she could become the star of her own universe. That didn’t sound half bad. Live for herself, not others.

The remainder of the week was peaceful, no more nonsensical meltdowns, or thoughts that spun like a top out of control. She arrived half an hour earlier than Kita told her to each day; every day they ate breakfast together. She would see him about to walk out the door before hearing her car roll over the gravel of the driveway and watch as he stood in the doorway. Despite the shake of his head there was a barely concealed smile on his lips, and she would feel a matching one grow on her own face. “I told you to come at six,” was his reply every morning.

“If I came at six we wouldn’t be able to have breakfast like we are now.” She would say as she sat down in the wooden chairs of his dining room. She was beginning to grow accustomed to the way the home felt. It felt warm, comfortable. There wasn’t hate in the walls that made the house grow small, there was love and you could tell in everything inside the home. Pictures lined the muted brown walls of the living room when you entered the home. There was a brick fireplace right in the middle; spot free of leftover ash from cold winter nights. They would talk about everything and nothing while Kita made breakfast for them, insistent as he was that he did all the work. Somehow she would always help with the sides of the day like biscuits or hashbrowns. 

When Friday morning finally comes she sleeps in later than she has all week. She shoots up from her bed with a gasp when she realizes what time it is. As she is about to get out of the warm quilted comfort of her bed she remembers that they’re only going to the farmer’s market today. The day off every two weeks they both take. She sleeps for another two hours and stares at the ceiling for fifteen minutes before she tumbles out of her bed. Her leg gets stuck in the blankets and she falls to her knees on the hardwood flooring of her home. She rubs her knees as she rests her back against the frame of her bed before standing up with a pop as she stretches and picks out an outfit for the day. 

The hot heat of June causes her to choose a pair of shorts and a patterned t-shirt. The fabric is lightweight and comfortable. She opts to skip on makeup, she won’t be inside for the makeup to stop from melting off her face. She does however put on sunscreen, a protection from the harsh UV rays she’ll be in for at least a few hours. She’s grabbing her purse as Kita rings the doorbell. A smile appears on her face as she opens the door. Her eyes scan over him and her mouth drops open a bit at how nice he looks. Although the shirt is supposed to be loose it clings to his arms and chest before growing looser the further down it goes. His jeans look new and are cuffed so you can see the freshly cleaned boots he wears. The threading has faded with age, and dirt has found a permanent residence in the crevices of the footwear but it’s clear an effort was made to clean up if his brushed to the side hair has anything to say about it. 

She can’t help it as her hand reaches up and messes up the parting, roughing it up so it looks more closely to how it typically does. “You look nice today,” there’s a gentle lilt to her voice. It raises towards the end of the sentence and a gentle smile makes a home on her face. 

“You look nice too,” his cheeks are slightly reddened as he hovers his hand over the small of her back on the way to the car. A hand reaches around and opens her door for her and he feels his chest flutter at the smile that takes hold of her face. “It’s a little dusty, sorry I didn’t warn you earlier but considering what we do for work I didn’t think you would mind too much.” His hand rubs at the back of his neck.

“That’s fine, I kind of assumed it might be.” She gives him a thumbs up and he closes the door before walking around to the otherside of his truck. “What kind of CDs do you have in here?” She pops open the glove box and is greeted with various Garth Brooks, Johnny Cash, Dylan Gosset, Noah Kahan CDs, an extra pair of work gloves, and a singular copy of a Cigarettes After Sex album. “Hmm, not what I expected but I’m not disappointed at least,” she says as she lifts up the CD. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re not disappointed,” he chuckles and pulls out of her driveway and down the road towards the market. The ride to the market is filled with small talk. Mostly from Kita’s part, he feels like he wants to know everything about her. It’s a craving, to know her on a deeper level; one not so professional. When they get out of the car a layer of dust covers his boots and he curses mentally at the action. 

“Where to first?” He hates how cute he’s already finding her mannerisms, how she sways side to side when she asks the question. How her hold on her bag tightens slightly and she leans closer to him. His hand finds its normal spot hovering over the small of her back and the next words out of her mouth make him feel like he short circuits. “You can put your hand on my back, you know, I don’t mind.” Her own hand reaches back and moves his hand so it’s pressing against her. 

Her back grows warmer from the weight of his hand that’s now pressed against it, Kita takes an exhale and relaxes.  There wasn’t a need to be worried if she was okay, he was thinking too much into things. It was a simple friendly gesture, there to make sure she didn’t fall. “If we go in here,” he points towards the right of the outlet, “then we’ll be closer to the sweets.” He leans closer as he explains it to her, their faces almost touching. 

Her breath hitches lightly at the proximity before she clears her throat and shifts slightly. “Then we should start at the other end, that way if we get sweets that melt they’ll be in a better state when we get back.” She begins to turn her head but when her cheek brushes against his she jerks away slightly.

“I like the way you think,” she feels as the pressure from his firm hand on her back eases. As it presses just barely against her shirt instead of pressed flat against her back where she can feel the warmth of his hand. The warmth is barely a whisper now. A phantom warmth takes its place as goosebumps rise in a trail on her skin. “Let’s get to it while we still have daylight,” his hand touches her back for a second to urge her forward. Not in a demanding way, it rests against the fabric of her shirt and she almost wishes it was against her skin instead. 

She clears her throat again and steps forward, her teeth worry her lip as she tries not to think about his hand again. They walk side by side into the small marketplace, not one has said a word since they began moving. She’s not sure yet if it’s comfortable silence or the stuffy kind that contorts around you and forces its way into spaces between noise. That plugs your ears and makes you clear your throat more often than necessary, words getting caught before they can make their way out. 

“Do you want a drink?” The bubble pops. The small smile Kita offers her a light making its way through the fog of silence. 

“So forward,” she jokes and looks around at the stalls to see what he could be talking about. He shakes his head and no matter how faint the touch she feels his hand move down her back and his fingertips brush against her arm before linking gently with hers. She can’t help the shiver that races down her spine or the heat that fills her face. 

“Non-alcoholic beverages, they have good iced cider. We can go out on a different weekend for drinks.” He says it so calmly, like a usual occurrence for him. Maybe it is, all she can think about is the weight of his hand in hers and how nice it feels. How warm it is. She’s not sure how she’s able to stand it in the June heat, it crawls up her neck and makes her feel like her blood is boiling just beneath the surface. 

“Iced cider sounds so good right now,” she’s aware of her mess. How it spills around the edges, Kita seems to step around the areas that puddle and sink into the ground. As he gently moves with her to the shop she’s aware of words ringing in her ears but it feels like too much. They don’t quite reach her mind, don’t form sentences. Would he lift under her surface and dissect her mess? Would he place down a towel and not mind scrubbing the red from the fibers. 

Would the secrets leave her as easily as the seeds do when he takes care in unfolding her. In laying her down and making precise decisions on where to hold. Would he hold her gently? Cradle her against his chest, hold her like she’s precious, hold her like she’s lovable. Would he love— “—are you okay?” She feels a squeeze on her arm and feels the cool and rough texture of brick on her back. 

“What?” It’s only now does she realize her breathing is strained and her heart feels like it’s hammering in her chest. 

“Can I put my hand here?” He asks as he hovers a hand over her chest. When she nods she feels the steady pressure and he places one hand on his own chest. “Breathe with me.” She watches his chest rise and fall deeply a few times before following along with him. Slowly they slide to the ground and her head falls towards his shoulder. 

Neither say anything as people pass by, hoping they aren’t seen. Kita adjusts his body, covering her from the view of pedestrians taking a quick glance. She puts her hand over his own on her chest and her head slowly raises from his shoulder. There’s a frown tugging at his lips and despite his efforts to keep his face neutral she can see the concern swirling in his eyes. 

“I’m—“

“Please don’t say you’re sorry. It’s okay to feel things, we can sit here as long as you need to. It’s a nice shade from the sun,” he tries to move his hand away but she holds it tighter against her as her eyes squeeze shut. Read between the lines. Don’t make me say it. “I used to have pretty bad panic attacks when I was in high school.” Him? He seems so collected. 

He turns his hand over and holds hers again. The concrete of the market makes cracks as his shoes scrape against it and their sides lean against the brick. “Routine is what keeps me from falling off, from cracking. It’s not everything though, anxiety still happens. I have days where I feel off: days where no matter how hard I try I just can’t do anything, and the little voice in my brain tells me how dumb it is that I can’t do something I do all the time. You’re allowed to feel things, and don’t feel the need to explain yourself to me. I understand that we can’t always know why we feel a certain way.” 

“It’s my ex.” He nods but doesn’t push or ask for more information, just gently squeezes her hand. “He…he said some things that messed me up.” She watches as his brows furrow slightly before trying to return to a normal position. “Made…made me feel like a mess.” 

He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something before licking his lips and closing his mouth again. Her head tilts as she tries to analyze his face, the hills and crevices, the smile lines by his mouth, the way his nose curves slightly to the left. “You’re not a mess, things can feel like one though. I know my words won’t solve your problems but…if you’d like I can help you with them.” 

“You don’t make me feel like a mess.” Her words feel worth it when she sees the dimple on his right cheek appear as a smile crosses his face. “You don’t have to help me, I can work through this on my own.” 

“But you don’t have to. I won’t push you, but it’s okay to ask for help.” He sees her twitch and start to slowly rise from the ground. He follows suit and when her hands loosen from his he lets go and allows his hands to drop to his sides. The pebbles scatter to the ground as they wipe off their pants. “We can leave if you would rather I drive you home.” It’s a way out, she doesn’t have to be here. Doesn’t have to dress fancy and pose pretty for cameras or important people. She can leave, they will leave when she wants to. 

“Let’s go get some of that cider you were talking about. I think I could use some of it.” She smiles at him and while the weight on her shoulders still forces her to bend down it’s a little lighter than it was moments ago. He accepted her mess and cleaned the red stains from the towel. He didn’t step around the mess or cause her to bleed more, he gently held her and allowed her to peel her own layers away. To open on her own.

 Her hand reaches over, he jolts slightly before offering his palm to her. Their hands link together, little care for the heat of the sun blazing down on them before the relief of cool air hits them inside one of the shops. There are very few words said for the rest of their time spent at the market, only small comments about the products up for sale; neither mention her panic attack from earlier and for that she is grateful. 

“This was nice, thank you Kita.” He nods as he helps her back into the truck and closes the door behind her. He hops in on his own side and starts the car. She opens the glovebox again and puts in a CD, she puts in the first one she grabs as she didn’t bother to look. It closes with a click and she turns back to face Kita.

“You can call me Shinsuke,” the last part is muffled as his hand covers his mouth. She can tell that he is clearly avoiding eye contact. “It’s only fair since I call you Y/N.” Her hand reaches over the console and taps his arm lightly, he glances at her for a moment before dropping his hand, she laces their fingers together again. 

“Okay, Shinsuke.” The name feels foreign on her lips but there’s an ever growing smile creeping onto her face at the sound of it. Shinsuke, she likes it. From the corner of her eye she can see his dimple appear on his cheek. Her chest grows warm and she turns her head to watch the rolling hills as they drive back to the farm. At some point her eyes must have closed because the next time that she opens them her head is rested against Kita’s chest and his arm is under her legs as he carries her to her door. “Hmmm?”

“Is your house key in your pocket?” She takes a few moments to process the words before nodding as she tries to get closer to him. He unlocks the door and carries her through with ease, she can hear him take a breath like he’s about to ask something but the words never come. She hears the small creaks of the floorboards as he passes over them, the clank of her keys falling into the ceramic bowl by the door. She hears the click of a door and the way the hinges squeak as it’s pushed open. Feels the comfort of her blankets and pillows as she’s tucked in. 

“Shinsuke,” she hears how his breath hitches at the sleepy call of his name. 

“Y/N,” the bed dips from the weight of him sitting on the very edge of it, his hand rests next to him and her eyes open slowly. She almost brings her hand out to hold his again but drowsiness takes hold of her and she struggles to keep her eyes open. She’s aware of the breathy chuckle that leaves Kita’s mouth and how he shifts closer to her. She could bask in this warmth the whole night. 

“Thank you for today,” her eyes flutter closed again and a soft breath escapes her lips as she feels a soft warmness on her forehead. She feels the warmth of Kita’s breath on her skin before a small chill takes its place as he sits back up. “I had a lot of fun.” She pulls the blankets closer to her to make up for the chill.

“Thank you for coming with me, I’ll take you anytime.” He rises from the bed and his boots clank lightly against the wooden panels of her bedroom floor. They pause briefly as he takes in a sharp inhale of breath. “And for the record…I don’t think you’re a mess. Good night Y/N,” the words don’t register until she hears the hum of a car and the rocks crunching under the tires as it pulls away and she’s left with the white noise of her room. 

The words are all she can think about for the rest of the week. All she can think about when they’re sticking jams and jellies onto shelves of their stall, when his hand brushes hers when getting cash from the drawer. I don’t think you’re a mess. That one sentence whispered like a prayer when she wasn’t even awake enough to respond. The words feel like they still hang in her room, dangling from her door like lights and casting a glow on her every time she enters. 

A light touch on her back brings her to the present, her head whipping to face Kita whose expression is laced with concern, his brows are furrowed and his teeth are worrying a spot on his lip. “Are you okay?�� The words are whispered as he leans closer and she swears she can feel his breath dancing on her ear. She nods but refuses to open her mouth, the words will surely jumble the minute they are released from their confinement. She sticks to her practiced script, one she’s gotten used to over the weeks Kita has taken her to the farmer’s market and allowed her to work the counter on days he opens the shop. 

She’s not sure when the touches stopped hesitating and their gazes started lingering on each other. When whole sentences were paused in favor of tracing the structure of the other’s face. They never speak of it, how they grow closer to each other before snapping back to reality and acting like nothing ever happened. When the older women who visit to buy jams and breads ask if they’re a couple, wonder how long they’ve been together. She always shrugs it off with a laugh and tells them their total, how she’s not ready for a relationship. She sees Kita’s expression falter in these moments but can’t bring herself to think of why. She can’t imagine a world where someone like Kita loves her, where anyone loves her. 

When the September chill hits the air she’s grown used to Kita leaving her to attend the shop once a month, the responsibility reminds her of how far she’s come. Twice a month, he’ll haul bags of rice into the bed of his truck and she’ll watch him clamber inside of the vehicle and hear the crunching of the rocks as he drives away down the hill. Part of her thinks Kita doesn’t take her on these trips into the city because of words spilled over in states of panic. The only other day Kita makes deliveries he gives her the day off. An “appreciation for her hard work” as he called it.  A weird sense of protection to stop her from spilling over again. In a way she appreciates it, it’s been 8 months since her relationship with Atsumu ended, maybe it’s time to try and brave the city. See his face on billboards and magazines, maybe she can do it as long as Kita is there. 

She enjoys her time in her home all the same. It’s come a long way since she first moved in, there’s a new coat of paint on the walls of her home, and new light switch covers. Pictures hanging up from her time in high school, it’s weird to think about. How she never tried to get in contact with those people again, the ones that were so important to her once. Her favorite part however had been her crafts room. Where paintings littered the walls and paper was scattered on the floor, where bins of ribbon sat neatly stacked but messily put away. It was something she never had energy for before she moved, the quiet simplicities of having time on her hands. She almost wants to thank Atsumu for being such an asshole, if he had been perfect she never would have gotten the chance to live how she does now. She shakes her head as the thought passes, there’s no point in thinking of ‘what ifs’ it only hurts more.

When he returns she’s counting the drawer, she pauses when she hears the creak of the door as it opens. She looks up for a moment to give him a smile, he gives her a nod in return. He makes his way around the counter, flipping the wooden flap up and placing it gently on the table as he slides an envelope towards her. She finishes counting the cash from the drawer and places it into the envelope, she adds the total from the drawer below the total already written on the paper. “Hey Shinsuke?” he hums in response and turns to face her. He leans against the back counter and crosses his arms. “Can I go with you next time you go out for deliveries?” There’s silence for a few moments, like he’s carefully calculating his next words. 

“I don’t have a problem with it. Missing the city?” He smiles slightly, a teasing glint in his eyes.

“No,” she shakes her head. “Just the thing with my ex, I think I’m finally ready to go back to where it ended. The next step in healing,” the words feel freeing as she says them. She hasn’t talked about it with anyone except for the few brief moments where Kita had to calm her down.

“Did he mess you up that bad?” He pushes off the counter and rests a hand on her shoulder. 

“Compared to some horror stories I’ve seen it’s nothing, I’m probably just being dramatic.” She sighs and looks away, her shoulders slump and his hand falls off her shoulder. There’s a small frown on his face as he moves his hand to cradle her cheek, his thumb rubs gently against her cheek and he rests his forehead against hers.

“It’s not nothing if it hurts you. Sometimes what we perceive as the smallest things actually affect us the most. The smallest breeze sometimes knocks over the biggest tree.” That gets a small laugh out of her although her hand reaches up quickly to cover her mouth. “There’s that smile,” she makes a point of forcing a frown on her face. Whenever Kita is with her it feels like she’s safe, she grows warm and the walls she carefully built start to crumble. “How about we finally go get that drink?” His voice lilts up towards the end of his question, it’s amazing how a few short months away will completely change a person. He lifts his head from hers, hand still gently holding her face. 

“I think I would like that.” They silently help each other clean up the rest of the shop and Kita closes the door behind them. With a click the door locks and they make their way to his truck. “Should either of us be driving?”

“I said a drink, not drunk.” He lets out a small laugh and turns on the car. She’s grown familiar with the hills and valleys that make up the country side, finds comfort in their gentle rolls. She rolls her eyes and places her chin in the palm of her hand as her elbow rests on the window. She watches as the hills roll, the birds fly, and the sun begins to lower itself over the hills. The day is ending, it’s ending and she finds herself starting to feel okay about it because tomorrow the sun will rise again and the day will start anew. She will still be okay tomorrow. Soon she won’t have to say she’ll be okay, she’ll just be okay. It won’t be much of a challenge with Kita around, the comfort he brings her is already unmatched.

When they make it to the bar it’s not overly packed, there are a few patrons lining the counter and a few sitting at tables spread out across the room. The music is playing a little louder than it maybe should be but it’s not overly annoying. Kita’s hand rests against her back as he leads her to a table, the warmth of his hand is a comfort she’s grown used to over the months that she’s known him. If it weren’t for him she wouldn’t be as happy as she is now, a smile unknowingly creeps onto her face. Kita’s hand holds hers as she sits down in the booth and slides to sit in the middle of the cushioned seat. He chooses to sit across from her, arms folded on the table and fingers lightly tap tap tapping the smooth vinyl surface of the table. 

She reaches for a menu at the end of the table, near the condiments, and starts flipping open the pages. She lays it flat on the table as her eyes scan the words and prices. “Come here often?” It’s meant as a genuine question but sounds more like a bad pick-up line. She cringes lightly at herself when his eyes flicker over to her and a teasing smile appears on his face. 

“Why do you want to know? Hoping to see me more?” He lifts one arm from the table and rests his head in the palm of his hand as he turns his head to look away from her. Before she gets a chance to respond the waiter comes over to their table and takes his book from his apron. He clears his throat before asking about drinks. “I’ll have a whiskey sour.” Both of them turn their heads to Y/N as she lifts her head from looking at the menu. 

“Morgan and sprite please.” He nods his head and goes over to the bar to put their orders in. She turns her head back to Kita. “Whiskey huh?” 

“My drink of choice, this is gonna sound so funny.” He covers his face with his hands as a laugh escapes his lips. “My grandma was a big whiskey drinker so now I guess it rubbed off on me.” He peeks through his fingers at her and she can see the smile sneaking out from where his hands don’t quite meet in the middle. 

“That is funny, but sweet in a way?” Their waiter sets their drinks down and questions them about food. They order skewers, there’s a breath of silence as he walks away. Kita plucks the chery from his drink and she doesn’t think much of it, her gaze traveling down to his lips before jolting back up to his eyes. Not what she should be thinking about, this is just a friendly drink. A drink after work with friends, don’t think about how soft his lips look or how– “So, how was delivering today?” She can only hope he didn’t notice where she was looking, or at least not mention where she was looking out of politeness. 

He chews on the steam lightly as he comes up with an answer, “same old, same old. Nothing too exciting but it is nice to catch up with a few people.” She’s about to respond when she notices the stem disappears into his mouth and she’s thinking about it again. His lips look so soft, what would it be like to kiss them? She blinks herself out of her trance when she notices Kita looking at her. He sticks his tongue out a little bit and she sees the tied cherry stem sitting in the center. She blinks a few more times and turns her head to look out the window of their booth.

“What?” He asks calmly and plucks the stem from his mouth to set it gently on a napkin and take a sip of his drink. “Your drink will get warm if you don’t drink it anytime soon,” he teases as he sets his back down. She tentatively picks up her glass and takes a sip before also setting hers back on the napkin. There’s movement from one of his hands as his fingers run along the edges of the glass. She notices his own eyes shifting down, is he looking at her lips? She can’t do this, it’s too much. No, she’s worked hard for this. She takes a deep breath and tries not to think too hard about how he’s looking at her, like he wants to kiss her. She doesn’t have to think about it for too long as their food gets delivered. The plate is placed in the middle of the table and the two of them share the skewers. His tongue flicks out to lick over the expanse of his lips and she passes it off as being for the food. Their waiter sets the check down on the table and walks away with a nod. 

Quiet conversation passes between them as they eat their food and nurse their drinks. Slow drinks and even slower bites taken to draw their time out together even more. “So..wait,” she manages to squeeze between laughs. “He tried to play even though he was sick, and he hit his head with the ball trying to serve because he sneezed?” She covers her mouth with her hand as she laughs at the story Kita was telling her. 

“Yes, he was very irresponsible, still is if his brother has anything to say about it.” He splits the last skewer with her, it’s not as warm as it was a few moments ago. “I had to force him to go home, oh my. Atsumu was so upset about it. Whined the whole way to the locker room to change.” She can feel her stomach drop at the mention of his name. She really should be more over it than she is. Eight months over and she still recoils at the slightest mention of his name. He has managed to infiltrate even the place she thought of herself as the safest from his influence. Kita…knew him, knows him. What would he say if he knew that Atsumu was her ex, would she lose her newfound home? “Are you okay?” His voice is quiet as he reaches his hand across the table, a silent invitation. She can see his face fall when she shakes her head and refuses his hand. He leaves it there even after her refusal, just in case. 

“I..” She starts but hesitates. The words get stuck in her throat, they cling to the walls and hold on stubbornly. Her mouth opens and closes as she tries to force them to come out. She looks back down at his hand and she closes her eyes as she sets her hand in his. She feels a light squeeze on her hand and she wants to open her eyes to look at him. To memorize his face in case this all goes tumbling down, but she can’t bring herself to muster the strength of opening her eyes. With another squeeze of her hand she manages to open her eyes and lift her head to face Kita. “I don’t know how to explain it without pushing you away.”

“Pushing me away? What do you mean?” He sounds concerned but doesn’t look away from her, eyes scanning her face trying to uncover the secrets. For once, she doesn’t think she wants him to carefully peel back her walls and see what’s happening beyond the surface. She wants to stay blissfully ignorant of what he believes, of what he’ll think of her. 

“This sounds much more dramatic than I wanted it to be,” she sighs and brings hand up to her forehead as she shakes her head. “Are you still friends with…him?”

“Who?”

“Atsumu.” It’s the first time she’s said his name in months but it still burns like acid against her lips. Her mouth curls around the familiar name with disgust as her nose crinkles slightly. She hopes she never has to say Kita’s name in the same regard she says Atsumu’s, never has to have it laced with sadness and doubt. Unsure of herself and the world around her. 

“Yes, is that what this is about? Do you know him?” She can feel her throat tighten a little and she looks down at their hands, he’s not accusing her. His thumb is rubbing gentle circles on the back of her hand, this shouldn’t be as big a deal as she’s making it. So what if he’s friends with her ex? Her ex she broke up with 8 months ago, she should be over it. It shouldn’t– “Hey, Y/N? I don’t care one way or another if you know him or not, I care more about if you’re okay.” His voice is soft but genuine as he speaks, she feels another gentle squeeze of her hand as he continues to hold it. Hold her. Kita does what he has done for the past four months, keep her steady and not let her run away. 

“I do know him.” The start of an admission. She feels guilty, she shouldn’t feel guilty but the thought of him still makes her uneasy. “He was my ex,” she takes a deep breath. She can feel the pause from Kita but doesn’t feel him pull away, instead his hand grips hers tighter and she can hear the sharp intake of breath like he’s about to say something. “You don’t have to say anything, I know he’s your friend. It’s really not that big of a deal, I should really be over it by now. It’s been what, I don’t know eight months, I really should be over it. I mean, I am over it. I am.” 

“It’s okay to not be over it you know? You don’t have to convince anyone, most of all yourself, that you need to be over him. Just take things slowly.”

“But I should be over it. I don’t know why I’m still so caught up over it, I’m the one who left him.” She reaches for her now empty glass in the hopes that maybe it refilled itself between when she first got it and now. It hasn’t. 

“Just because you’re the one who left doesn’t mean it didn’t affect you as much as if he was the one who left.” His thumb is rubbing circles on her hand again. A poor attempt at soothing her because it just makes her think about how he knows Atsumu, he knows him and is friends with him. She might’ve just ruined their friendship. She’s ruining everything again. “You’re allowed to grieve things, even if you never had them. From what you’ve told me you haven’t had time to actually feel the end of the relationship. You immediately tried to fix everything and get as far away from it as you felt you could. Excuse me for being…brash, but we’ve been friends for a little bit and I want to see you finally feel good about yourself again.” 

“How do we do that?” 

“First, let’s get you home. We can go to my house if you want. I can make you a snack and you don’t have to worry about going anywhere.” 

“That actually…sounds kinda nice.” He lets go of her hand and she shivers from how cold her hand feels now. She gets up from the table and relaxes when she feels his hand on her back again. Kita is a relaxing presence she hadn’t expected herself to get used to as quickly as she has. There’s times when she’s in the comfort of her home but it feels slightly off when she walks around and doesn’t feel the pressure of a hand on her back or see tufts of white hair peeking around a corner. She likes the constant that is Kita, he does the same thing day in and day out. He has a set schedule, he doesn’t falter from the image of him that she has in her mind. He’s expected. He helps her into his truck again, the beverage he had having long worn off. 

The drive back to his home feels shorter than the drive to the bar, maybe it’s his hand holding hers or the gentle hum of the truck but she feels more relaxed than she did earlier. She’s grown familiar with the scenery when they get closer to the farm, the gentle hills and the roads becoming a bit harsher the further out they get from the city. “Wait here,” his voice rolls out above the hum of the engine before it’s turned off. Her hands play with the rough material of the seatbelt before she hears the click of the car door opening. His hands reach over and unbuckle her seatbelt and he holds out a hand to her, tentatively she takes it and accepts the help as she gets out of the truck. His arms wrap around her when her feet reach the ground, her arms hesitate for a moment before wrapping around him. “Thank you.”

“Why are you thanking me?”

“For sharing even though you were scared,” she’s not sure why the statement makes tears well in her eyes but he must see them because he hugs her tighter. “I’m so sorry he made you feel like that, I’m glad you still feel comfortable with me.”

“I’m not sure you could make me feel uncomfortable, Shinsuke.” She can feel his shoulders relax and when she starts to pull away so does he. His hand finds her again as they walk inside. She looks around before sitting on his couch, his grey throw pillows fitting nicely with the warm grey of the couch. Her eyes follow him as he makes his way towards the kitchen, there’s a small island that separates the living room and the kitchen, she sees him open the fridge and the red fruit is familiar to her. She watches him grab a knife from the holder. Is he making her pomegranate?

She moves from the couch to sit at the island. Get a closer look at what’s going on, how his hands carefully hold the fruit, cradle it, and how his knife gently cuts the top off and peels it back carefully from the seeds inside. His hands don’t get covered in the juices, how each move is precise as he cuts down the sides and opens it up like a flower. Without a mess the seeds fall out of their casing and into a bowl, with a small smile he looks up at her before washing the seeds off in the sink and pushing the bowl over to her as he throws away the peel and washes his hands. 

“You didn’t make a mess.”

“The pomegranate was ripe. You only get a mess when you force it to open before it's ripe.” He says it so simply as he leans against the counter on the opposite side of her. “Do you like to paint?”

“I’ve only done it a few times.” He nods and she pushes the bowl back over to him, he packages them up and puts it back in the fridge. “Do you paint?”

“Not a lot, if I need to take my mind off something and I’ve already completed the farm work for the day then I will.”

“You can talk to me, I talk to you about my problems enough.”

“I’ll talk to you next time.” He walks around the island and over to her, he gently grabs her hand and they head back over to the couch.  His arm is wrapped around her shoulder and she moves so her head is on his chest. She’s not aware of falling asleep, unsure of if Kita also fell asleep until she feels the gentle breaths underneath her head. She knows it’s early in the morning, can feel the sun just grazing her arm. The prickle of the day hitting her eyes, there’s a blanket over them that wasn’t there before. Her arm reaches up and lightly grazes over Kita’s face, her fingertips barely tapping his skin. There’s a coldness to his face that she wasn’t prepared for as she brings her hand away, she wonders if her face is just as cold. Her hand touches her nose and she shakes her head when she feels the chill from being exposed to the air.

She’s not surprised to see his eyelashes flutter against his cheek a few minutes after she wakes up. She knows it’s later than he usually gets up, knows it’s partly her fault that he’s getting a late start to his day. “Good morning,” his voice is deep and it’s soft as it’s whispered out delicately from his lips. He closes his eyes again for a moment before they open halfway, his arm resting on the top half of the couch and his head is using his hand as a rest. “Did you sleep okay?” His other hand rubs up and down her arm gently, she can’t help but lean closer to him and the warmth he provides. 

“Better than I have in a while,” she says mid yawn and stretches. Her shirt lifts up slightly at the bottom and she notices his eyes flicker for just a moment before returning to lock with hers. She moves her head to rest against the couch, it strains her eyes a little to look at him in the light and figures he can’t be doing much better. “We should get up.”

“We should,” he agrees but doesn’t make a motion to move from the couch. He lifts his head and drops his hand to move a stray piece of hair from her face. “I never get up this late, I must have been out.” He gives her a small smile and she can see his eyes flicker down to her mouth for a moment before returning, she blames it on the movement of her smile drawing his eyes. 

“Must have,” her smile grows into a grin when he cups her cheek and his thumb makes small circles on the surface. The static whir of the ceiling fan fills the quiet moments, doesn’t let the silence really feel silent. She can hear his breath hitching when she leans close to him and swears she can feel his heart beat faster when she turns her head and presses a paper light kiss against his palm. The motions stop and but the world doesn’t feel like it’s come crashing down, she can feel the motions of his chest moving before she hears the laughter fly from his mouth. “What? What’s funny?” Despite herself, the feeling of doubt doesn’t come. She can only feel the warmth of the sun and the warmth of him.

“That tickled.” 

“You’re ticklish?” She smiles and sits up, he can see where it’s going and tries to block her attacks to no avail. He breaks out in a fit of giggles, his back ends up against the cushions of the couch and she straddles his hips and enjoys the laughter that ensues from her onslaught. 

“Please, mercy…” he says breathlessly and she smiles and stops her attack. His chest heaves up and down quickly as he tries to catch his breath, he puts his weight on his elbows to sit up and it’s only then that she realizes how close their faces are.  She can feel his breath on her skin as their smiles slowly drop from their faces. Their noses bump each other but she finds she doesn’t mind the sensation of his skin on hers. His hands rest lightly on her hips and she can almost feel his lips brushing against hers. “…sorry,” he says breathlessly as he pulls away from her and oh how she wishes he would have closed the distance instead of lengthening it. 

Would his lips taste like strawberries, like the chapstick he uses that she got for him as a birthday gift. Would they taste of honey; of a nectar so sweet she couldn’t even comprehend the taste. She moves to tuck a piece of hair that fell from behind her ear but Kita’s hand is already gently brushing the hair away from her face. She can feel goosebumps rise on her body and she wants to grab him by the neck and close the distance herself. She needs to know what his lips taste like, if they’re as soft as they look. If they’ll lock with hers like a puzzle piece. 

She shifts to move off of him but a soft grip of her waist stops her before she can get too far. “We should really work, we’ve spent a lot of time dilly dallying.” 

“Can we stay like this…just a little longer?” And she finds herself agreeing. He looks at her in a way that makes her believe she hung the stars in the sky just for him. Maybe, if she had more power the stars in the sky would be hung for him. 

“Okay.”

The honey slides its way slowly to the bottom of the jar. Only a few more. “So what do you typically do in the winter?”

“I take care of the garden in my greenhouse, sell some of the goods from it,” he smiles at her and puts his hand on her back to move past her; he reaches into the cabinet to grab a few more lids.

“No off season for you?”

“I like my routine.”

“It seems like you’ve been straying further and further from it since you met me,” she smiles at him and he can’t help but let out a small laugh and agree with her first. 

“Get back to pouring the honey, try not to spill anymore on your hand,” he teases and his eyes flicker to her hand before he moves past her again and she looks down. She sets down the container of honey and goes to the sink to wash it off, his soap smells of chamomile and lily, after a quick rinse she grabs a towel and cleans the outside of the jar. 

“It’s not my fault, you distracted me.” She rolls her eyes and kicks his foot lightly with her own. He turns his head to look at her and shakes his head. “What? Don’t you have honey to be pouring?” 

She finishes screwing on the last lid and places the neatly labeled jar with the others in a wooden crate. “It’s a little crazy to me that it’s almost the end of the year,” she quickly glances over at him as he lifts the crate. She can see his arms fighting against the long sleeves of his sweater, he turns to her as he picks it off the table. “I would never have seen myself here in a year. If you asked me last year well, she would’ve thought…” there’s a  moment of pause and they both know who she was going to bring up. “Thank you Kita,” she wipes her hands nervously on her apron; he had gotten her one of her own to have around the house. It’s a light grey and has a small embroidered flower pattern along the bottom, it hangs up next to his apron and she notices how domestic it all seems. 

“Shinsuke.”

“What?”

“You can call me Shinsuke.” 

“Oh, right,” she places a palm on her forehead and takes a deep breath. “Thank you Shinsuke.”

“You can talk about him,” she can hear the sink running as he speaks. “It might help you…I won’t push you of course though,” she hears the faucet squeak as she finally turns around. Her back hits the wall with a sigh and she shakes her head as she looks towards the ground.

“It wasn’t all bad, sometimes it was nice. I just…I didn’t feel loved after a while.” She sees his shoes come into her vision and she lifts her head. “I can’t speak for him, I know I wasn’t perfect either. I broke my fair share of plates,” she laughs quietly. “Our first kiss was nice.” He tilts his head and there’s a somber expression residing in his features. “He had gotten out of practice early, or skipped, something you know. He stopped me at a crosswalk and told me he wanted to kiss me…it was really sweet no matter how annoyed I acted. I wish the next day hadn’t ruined it.”

“What happened?”

“Oh you know how it is, the paparazzi got a photo of us kissing and it was all over the front cover. We didn’t go on many dates after that, to protect me from the really crazy fangirls is what he said at least.”

“The…so. The paparazzi just happened upon you two kissing on a random street corner,” he doesn’t say it like a question. 

“It is weird huh,” she doesn’t want to know where he’s going. “Please don’t tell me the truth. I don’t want the happy memories I do have to be…lost.” Kita nods and closes his lips in a tight laced smile. “It’s getting late,” she clears her throat and pushes herself off of the wall and towards the living room. He follows her to the door and watches as she steps over the threshold, she rubs her arms and he turns to the closet near the door. 

“I don’t want you to get cold,” he says simply as he hands her one of his corduroy jackets; the jacket's fur lining is soft to the touch and despite some darker patches on the elbows it looks in good condition. 

“Thank you Shinsuke.”

“It’s no problem.”

She returns to the familiar house she’s started calling her own home. When she opens the door she’s met with the sight of the curtains pulled back to let light in and easels with blank canvases rested on them. “What’s all this?” She smiles as she points towards the easels. 

“I thought we would take the day off. I didn’t like how things yesterday ended. So, I remembered telling you I like to paint when I’m upset about something…I thought maybe it would help you feel better too.” He finishes wiping off the brushes and puts them on a towel and places the towel on the coffee table in the living room.

“That’s…kinda cute actually.” She follows after him and sits down at one of the easels. “I don’t know where to start.” She picks up one of the brushes before twirling it between her fingers. She rolls it back and forth. She feels his warmth against her back and feels his hand wrapping around hers. He guides her hand to one of the colors spread out on the palette. 

“Just, paint whatever,” he says gently as he guides her hand to make smooth strokes over the canvas. When she starts to get more confident in her movements he gently starts removing his hand from hers. She turns her head to look at him and after a moment of eye contact decides she’ll finally talk.

“Will you keep helping?”

“Whatever you need.” His hand holds hers again but instead of guiding her strokes it’s like she’s guiding him. His other hand is resting gently on her shoulder and if she listens closely she wonders if she could hear his heartbeat…or is that her heartbeat thumping in her ears. When her hand stops moving she’s surprised at what she was able to create. It’s not something that outdoes the Mona Lisa by any means but it’s clear to see what it is. An ocean landscape with bits of coral, some of it bleached and some healthy. It makes her think of herself…maybe this was more healing than she had originally given Kita credit for. He smiles when he takes in the whole picture. “It’s beautiful.”

“It’s rudimentary at best, and I had you to help me.”

“It’s not bad, you’re too harsh on yourself. I really like how you did the water, very…flowy? Is that a word?” They both let out a small laugh at that. They start to clean up the mess they (she) made. There’s a small stain of blue paint on the coffee table as it wouldn’t come off. Kita told her he didn’t mind and that it could do with some color. 

“I feel bad, you didn’t get to paint.”

“This wasn’t about me, this was about you. I told you I would try and help you feel better about yourself and the grieving process. I’m sorry it took me this long to get to it.” He puts the supplies back in his room down the hall. When he returns he motions for them to both sit on the sofa so she follows suit.

“In a weird way, it did make me feel better. I can’t explain it but it feels like I’m thinking clearer now?”

“I’m glad I was able to help, or I suppose. I’m happy the pain was able to help.”

“No, I think it was more you than the paint. I think you're helping me.”

“You need to be able to rely on yourself too.”

“I do, but it’s like you told me. Asking for help isn’t a bad thing. So, I asked for help and I actually feel better.” There’s silence for a second as both sit and think of the words they said.

“You listened to me?”

“Yeah? You were helping me, why would I not listen to you Shinsuke?”

“I don’t know…I’m just really glad I was able to help you.”

By the end of the day she’s pulling the corduroy jacket she took last time back over herself and heading for the door. She looks over her shoulder at him as she leaves and calls out to him.

“Shinsuke?”

“Yes?”

“I think I’m over him. It’s the love I’m mourning, not the person.” Before he can answer she turns on her heel and towards her car. 

On his next delivery run she tags along, she’s gotten used to the soft leather of the seats of his truck. Of the middle seat being where the console would otherwise be. Little bits of hair fall from their spot behind her ear from the vents of the truck. Kita notices and looks over at her for a moment. “Is your hair bothering you?”

“A little?”

“Glove box.” She looks at him confused for a moment before popping open the compartment and finding a new pack of hair ties and bobby pins sitting neatly. “I…I noticed your hair falls from behind your ears a lot so I figured I should keep some in our car for convenience.”

“Thank you Shinsuke.” 

They pull up past familiar billboards, ads she hadn’t seen since her move. She finds they don’t sting quite like they used to when she was looking out the window of her apartment. She doesn’t miss the apartment; as hard as moving had been. The hand that’s held in her hand confirms that for her. The car rolls to a stop outside of a familiar establishment. Onigiri Miya, she thinks she’s okay with going in there now. She carries a sack of rice over her shoulder and Kita grabs the other two, the clipboard clamped between his hand and the sack of rice. He gives her a look and with a reassuring smile from her the two walk inside the building. It hadn’t changed much since the last time she had seen it, the floor still wooden and the booths still padded. There were a few pictures hanging around and a new award set up on one of the shelves. 

“Y/N,” the voice is familiar and the remembrance of the friendship she lost comes back to her. “What are you doing here?” She turns and Osamu takes the bag of rice from her despite her complaint. 

“I’m working,” she gives him a smile. He’s not sure the last time he saw a smile quite as bright on her face. “I moved out to the countryside, fate has it I found an old friend of yours.” 

“Osamu,” Kita nods and steps a little closer to Y/N. “How’s it going?”

“Good, you two can stay for a quick lunch or dinner if you want. The rush just got over so there are plenty of tables open.” 

“Thank you,” She holds her hands open but Osamu shakes his head and starts heading towards the back. Once the bags are put away and the papers are signed the three of them lean against the counters. Osamu on the expo counter and Y/N and Kita on the counter across from him. “Long time.”

“I thought for sure I would never see you again after my brother…well you know what he did better than I do obviously…” there’s a pause and Osamu looks around awkwardly before scratching the back of his neck. “You look nice. Happy.”

“I am.” And she finds that she’s not lying. She is happy, happy that her life seems to be normal again, happy she found Kita or did he find her? She finds that she’s happy that she found this job to begin with…she feels alive. Kita’s pinkie finger lightly taps hers and she can’t help the smile that appears on her face as she tries to bite it away. Osamu smiles a little as he notices their hands as their pinkies interlock with each other.

“I’m happy for you…stay for a snack at least.”

“If she’s okay with it.” Kita looks towards Y/N and she nods her head. Osamu leads them to an empty table and takes their order himself. 

“I’ll be back soon,” he says and slips away back to the kitchen. He shakes his head with a smile when he notices how in love the two look. It’s not a hard thing to see. They practically yell it out to everyone with the little touches and glances. He hears the squeak of the back door open and his head whips around to see a familiar mop of blonde hair. 

“Hey ‘Sa-” and he’s seen it. Atsumu should’ve gotten out later than this, that’s why he didn’t feel bad about asking them to stay. “Practice got out early.” he hates how small his brother’s voice sounds, despite the falling out and things he’s heard Atsumu is still his brother at the end of the day.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” His eyes are locked on Y/N as she talks excitedly to Kita about something. She radiates pure…joy. His line of sight is broken when Osamu notices and shifts to the side slightly. He swallows and tries to get it to leave his mind. “She never looked at me like that.” He clears his throat and turns around so his back is facing Osamu now. His hands rest on the cool metal of the table and there’s quiet chatter of the few patrons inside the shop talking with each other. 

Osamu sighs and shakes his hand through his hair. He puts the towel from over his shoulder into his apron and leads Atsumu further away from the expo counter. He slips the apron off and closes the door to his office. “She did ‘Tsumu.”

“Did what?”

“She did look at you like that…it was you who wasn’t looking.” Part of him knows Osamu is right but it doesn’t make the pain subside as his chest stings. Osamu opens his arms and he doesn’t hesitate to throw himself at his brother. Tears don’t fall from his eyes in a quick manner, the soothing circles on his back helping to keep him grounded. “I’m sorry ‘Tsumu.”

“It’s okay…” for the first time since she left. It hurts; hurts in a way he didn’t anticipate. More than words the two of them ever shared. “I’m okay.”

“You’re allowed to be upset.”

“I was the reason it ended in the first place ‘Samu.” Osamu finds he doesn’t have a reply, not one that will provide any real comfort at least. “Is it bad that I still might love her? In my own fucked up way.”

“You’re not fucked up,” Osamu pulls away to look his brother in the face. “Quit feeling sorry for yourself dumbass, you’re going to help me finish the orders for the day.” It’s a distraction and they both know it. Who would have thought that his heart would break this much after so long apart. He gives Atsumu an apron and they silently return to the counter to finish off the orders for the day. “You can still love her, just don’t…’Tsumu she’s not yours anymore.”

“I know that.”

“Do you?” He shapes the rice slower than usual and can see Atsumu pause his chopping. “I know you mean well…it’s okay to still love someone even after they leave you. She’s happy now, sitting out there with Kita. ‘Tsumu, she’s happier than I've seen her in a long time.”

“She’s not mine,” he mumbles under his breath and closes his eyes again as he sets the knife down. The tears start to slowly fall from his eyes, they’re hot and wet as they roll down his cheeks. “I let her go,” his voice teeters on the edge of breaking. “Man, these onions are really getting to me.”

“It’s okay to move on.” Atsumu sniffles and steps away from the counter to get a paper towel. He dries his eyes and nose and returns with freshly washed hands and a new set of gloves. They prep in silence for the rest of the night; even long after Y/N and Kita leave.

Kita and Y/N take a detour and wind up at a park. She questions the decision until Kita puts both of their hands in his pocket. He helps her balance as she walks along the plastic railing of the playground. “It’s been a while since I’ve been here.” She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. When she opens them she sees the swings; they’re rusted and could do with new mats under them but they’re the same as she remembers. With a small laugh she pulls them over to the swingset.

“Slow down,” he chuckles quietly as she pulls them to the swings, they trip slightly over the mulch in their pursuit.

“Maybe, you should hurry up.” She turns her head to look at him over her shoulder and he swears his heart skips a beat. He’s slightly out of breath when they make it over and sit down. They swing softly so as to not go too high and not hear each other anymore. “I’m glad I came back here with you. I’m glad I met you. I don’t think I could have done all this without you.” 

“Don’t sell yourself short,” he bumps her shoulder lightly. “I was just here to give you a job.”

It’s her turn to bump him. “Now who's selling themselves short? You did so much more than that.” She stops and turns to face him better and he mirrors her. “You make me feel safe.”

“You make me feel safe too,” they find themselves leaning closer to each other. “Your eyes are beautiful when they shine like this..” it’s a whisper almost lost to the wind and she can feel her breath hitch.

“Shine like what?” She tries to keep her composure but fails as her eyes flicker to his lips.

“Like the stars,” his hand moves from holding the cold chain to cupping her cheek. Despite the initial chill she doesn’t mind his cold hand holding her cheek. He closes the distance and she doesn’t have time to process it before he’s pulling away. “Oh my goodness, I’m so-”

“Kita Shinsuke. If you don’t shut up and let me finally kiss you we’re going to have problems,” she says breathlessly and puts a hand on the back of his neck and pulls his lips back to hers. When they connect again it’s more than she thought it would be. His lips are soft, and they do taste of strawberry and honey. They taste of comfort and warmth, and something so inexplicable to him that she couldn’t picture a better taste in the world. She feels the wind chill and follows after Kita as he pulls away. “Why did you pull away?”

“It’s snowing,” he whispers against her lips. 

“Is it?”

“Yes, there’s bits stuck in your hair.” His hand goes up and smooths over her hair, taking the snow with it. She smiles and tilts her head back as the powdery snow falls from the clouds and she hopes the superstition is true.

 “Do you think the superstition is true?” She asks, she could picture a lifetime with him. It’s one of the easiest things she thinks she’s ever had to imagine. He’s so wonderful that loving him feels easy and she hopes that feeling doesn’t go away. She doesn’t want there to ever be a day that she stops loving Kita Shinsuke. She wants to still love him when his face grows smile lines and crow's feet, when there are sunspots coating his cheeks and shoulders. She wants him for as long as he will have her and she can only hope it’s for as long as she wants to have him.

“I sure hope so. I would love to spend a lifetime with you.” Her grin grows and she pushes herself back towards him and presses their lips against each other again. She can feel him smile into the kiss and she tangles her hands in his hair before having to pull away to sneeze. “Bless you,” he smiles and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Thank you.”

“Let’s get you home before you catch a cold.” He helps her up and wraps his arm around her shoulder as they make their way back to his truck. When they arrive at his home he gives her a change of clothes and they sit on the couch watching movies before eventually going to his room and sleeping. His home was beginning to feel a bit more like it was their home, she had a spare key (a courtesy he had given her a few months after she started working for him). His closet space was overtaken by her clothes as her own closet began to dwindle, she knew he kept hair ties in the nightstand on the left side because that’s the side she always chose to sleep on. The layout of the house is as familiar to her as the back of her hand. She’s sure she could navigate it in the dark having been over so often. 

She’s happy there wasn’t a big moment of realization that she had fallen in love with Kita, it was less of a fall and more a gentle downhill stroll. One they took hand in hand every step of the way. The night she had first moved in it had rained and she remembers the day so clearly. It was one of those summer rain storms but on a cool night. She made Kita turn the porch lights on and grabbed his hand as she dragged him outside. He protested but there wasn’t anything to do to hide the pure joy on both of their faces. She taught him a simple box step and laughed whenever he would accidentally step on the toes of her shoes. His favorite part was spinning her, he got to see her laugh and smile as she spun around under the stream of water. Their clothes were well beyond soaked at this point and it was hard to convince her to go back inside. He almost didn’t want to.

She also remembers when they both got sick and had to take care of each other while doing their farmwork. That hadn’t been fun but waking up every morning seeing his face and ending every night safely held in his arms is fun. She doesn’t believe she will ever tire of the sight if she’s honest. Of how his eyelashes flutter against his cheeks before his eyes open. Or the dimple that appears when he smiles after she kisses his cheek. The quiet breaths have almost lulled her back to sleep a few times, Kita was so safe that it was hard to ever find a reason to leave his arms. Luckily for her he was never too far away. 

When the leaves change color they visit a shelter, she had noticed there were a few rodents on the farm (since she had moved into his home. Her little home no longer felt the same if he wasn’t with her). It had come up one day as they were looking over the finances. “We should get a farm cat.”

Kita takes a sip of his coffee before replying, “why?”

“I think we could use one.” 

“Whatever you want darling,” there’s a hint of a smile barely visible behind the rim of his mug as he takes another drink. It had taken them two more weeks to finally make the move, after one too many texts from Y/N with ads for adoptable cats near them he finally gave in. They make the drive out to a shelter and Kita pretends to be unfazed until Y/N puts a Siberian cat in his arms and she immediately starts purring. 

“Look! She likes you!” The cat twists and turns in his arms and makes biscuits in the air and he can’t help but fall in love. “Her name is Emi,” beautiful blessing. While he’s holding the purring cat in his arms he can’ help but think how fitting the name is, her coat is soft and a mixture of lighter and darker tones of brown. Her eyes are a shade of green that reminds him of emeralds. “Please Shin?”

“Alright.” It doesn’t take much convincing and if he’s being honest it was a yes as soon as the cat was put in his arms. She does well in the home and does even better at keeping the farm pest free. Kita can’t help himself when he goes to the pet store and sees a silk collar with a bow on it, he leaves the store with a bag of food (needed) and the brand new collar for Emi (...also needed). 

As the leaves turn into shades of oranges, yellows, and reds as they fall off the trees they find that Emi loves jumping into the leaves and then running back to you for you to rake them again. Although it could get a bit much if it had been a long day it does brighten their mood and they rake the leaves for her to jump in again. As the wind whistles quietly by them Kita and Y/N lay in their newly bought hammock. It sits in the place opposite their bench swing on the back porch. Kita likes laying in the hammock as he reads because he knows it means that a sleepy girlfriend– fiance comes wandering out and joins him by laying her head on his chest. A few minutes later the flap on the door hits against the wood and Emi jumps up to join them, finding her place in a spot between them and purrs loudly. 

“Shin, I love you…thank you.”

“I love you too darling, why are you thanking me?”

“Before you…before you I thought I was impossible to love,” she whispers and hears the soft thump as he closes his book and the shuffle of fabric as he turns to look at her. He leans his head down and presses a gentle kiss to her forehead and without moving too far responds.

“I don’t think anyone has ever actually tried. Loving you is easier than breathing.” She can’t help the flutter in her chest or the smile that always seems to grow on her face around him. “You’re perfect, and I love you. It’s impossible not to love you.”

“I think it’s pretty impossible not to love you too,” She tilts her head up and they share a gentle kiss. He opens his book again and moves it down so she’s able to read along with him.

“Let me know when you’re ready for me to turn the page,” he says gently as he lays his cheek against the top of her head. She realized that someone had finally seen through her mess. He had seen her fall apart and break more than once and he had stayed. He helped her as she opened up to him when she was ready, everything was on her time and if she hadn’t been ready to share anything nothing more was said on the topic until she brought it up. She found herself eating more pomegranate knowing him, there was never a mess and he would kiss her lips after she ate the seeds. She hoped it would stain his lips too, that there would be a reminder that they are stained together. That his nails would turn a pink hue from peeling back the skin to get to what’s inside. 

When the old ladies came into the shop she no longer dodged questions about their relationship and Kita was more than happy to step in and answer. She hit him on the shoulder when he got too sappy but the second he wraps his arms around her and kisses her cheek to apologize she realizes she’s not actually mad. Someone let her open up and reveal the mess inside, he hadn’t said anything, had only grabbed a towel and helped her clean up whatever mess she felt like that day. He was forever stained with the color of her and she hoped he always would be. She finally understood why people thought pomegranates were beautiful. After all Kita Shinsuke was beautiful and she is worth the mess.

a/n: this is a repost from my old account but i hope you guys enjoyed it anyway <3 want to be added to my taglist? you can find the form here

masterlist

[cloudcountry]

SUMMARY: adeline looks on as you and her brother fumble around each other.

COMMENTS: eiland....silly..........eeiland....................prettyy <333333 there is a reference to cinderella but reader is not implied fem!aligned

You’re listening intently as Adeline rattles off a myriad of statistics concerning Mistria’s economy. The tea before you has long grown cold, having been poured at the start of this long winded discussion. You chip in when needed, taking note of any materials she politely asks you to gather, such as wood and stone and metal. You’re used to it by now, having upgraded the General Store, restored the Mill, and even provided the materials for Hayden’s new barn. As far as you’re concerned, it's the same old song and dance, and you’re all too happy to oblige.

The sun dips beneath the horizon and Adeline’s pen finally clicks, her frantic note taking over for today. She still does a once over of all her paperwork, no doubt preparing to reread it in the morning to make sure it still makes sense. You gulp down the rest of your tea, not wanting to waste it, and you feel yourself regain some stamina you lost while hacking away at trees earlier that day.

“I’m so sorry for keeping you so long, it’s eight already!” Adeline apologizes, pressing a gentle hand to your back and she escorts you to the door to her study, “I’ll let you get home now! I’m sure you still have many things to attend to.”

You’re seconds away from telling her that, while you are busy, it’s your job to be busy, and that since your labor is helping this town grow, you’d put your all into it—

But then Adeline opens the door, and you see her brother at the piano.

Eiland.

Your heart jumps and lodges itself in your throat, a wave of nausea crashing over you.

It’s literally his house! Of course you were going to see him!

He turns to face you (and you probably look as disastrous as you feel, but he still smiles and says your name, greeting you so kindly like you aren’t about to have a panic attack in the middle of his super nice house.)

“I have to move my horses!” you say in a rush, scrambling out of Adeline’s hold as you make a break for the door.

You can't stay! If you do, it'd be obvious how you feel and under no circumstances can you allow that!

“Wait!” Eiland calls, distressed, “Don’t you want to stay for—?”

The door slams shut behind you as you run down the steps, lost in the night, and Eiland can’t help but think of that fairytale of the girl who fled from her prince so close to midnight.

“...dinner.” Eiland trails off, frowning.

Adeline looks between the door and her brother, a large grin spreading across her face as she puts the pieces together.

“Hmm, I wonder what that was about.” she chuckles lightheartedly, “You know, the farmer doesn’t have any horses yet from what I’ve heard. Makes you wonder why they got so nervous!”

Eiland’s pout only gets worse.

“So...they’re avoiding me.” he huffs, running a hand through his hair, “Did I do something wrong?”

“Oh, I don’t think it’s anything like that.” Adeline giggles again, and Eiland sighs.

“Maybe they’ll want to see me tomorrow.” Eiland muses, resting his chin on his hand, “If I send them a letter about the armor...maybe we could talk then...”

Adeline watches her brother fondly as he drags his feet to his room, looking more discouraged than she’s ever seen him in her life.

This, too, shall pass. Adeline knows that much.

She opens the doors to the dining room with a conspiring smile on her face and a skip in her step.

[pulisicsgirl]

breathe, you're okay - mason mount

summary: when the mounting pressure of a Women's UCL run is falling on Y/N's shoulders, she isn't handling it by herself as well as she would like everyone to believe she is

pairing: Mason Mount x footballer!reader

word count: 2.9k

warnings/tags: hurt/comfort, no established relationship, !!descriptions of a panic attack!!, discussions about mental heath, supportive Mase

requested: no

notes: surprise!! I'm sorry I haven't posted in months-- my life kind of went up in flames over the summer and I haven't had the time to write that I was hoping to. I have a few WIPs in my drafts, and I am still working on all of your requests! Please let me know what you think of this!

The hot afternoon sun beat down on you, and you felt the drops of sweat sliding down the side of your head and tickling the hairs on the back of your neck. Your heartbeat pounded in your ears as you ran up and down the field, weaving between cones, carrying the ball at your feet, running through a series of consecutive drills that were designed to refine your skills and test your endurance.

You did your best to recall the instructions that your coach had carefully laid out before the team began the drill, but with the heat and the fatigue that was seeping all the way into your bones, it seemed impossible to remember. You wound up relying on the teammate in front of you to recall what you needed to do next.

You let out a heavy sigh of relief when you heard the sound of the whistle—two short chirps, signaling for you to halt your movements. You draped your arms over your head, drawing in deep, heaving breaths as you attempted to get your heart rate under control.

You joined the rest of your teammates as they gathered around the coach, preparing for his parting words before everyone was dismissed.

“Good session today, ladies,” he clapped his hands in front of him, looking around the circle. “I’m seeing a lot of good things. A lot of improvement in our touches and finishing. You all are looking really good.”

A couple of the girls clapped at his words, the rest too exhausted to do anything but listen.

“We have the day off tomorrow, so use it well. Rest, recover, and come back Monday ready to go. We’ve got some heavy prep next week before the second leg on Friday,” he continued, and a couple others whooped, getting excited for the upcoming big game.

“They’re gonna be a really tough opponent, I’ll be honest. We know that their back line is really strong, tough to break through.” Your coach’s eyes fell on you, and you knew what was coming next before he even began to speak, your stomach sinking slightly. “But that’s what we have Miss Y/N, for, right?”

Several of the girls cheered for you. The girls near you slapped you on the back, trying to get you hyped up. And the weight that had settled in the pit of your stomach grew heavier.

The Manchester United women were on an impressive UEFA Women’s Champions League run, overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds to make it to the semifinal. And according to the media (and now your own teammates and coaches), it was all thanks to you.

In the group stage, a decisive game in which your team had gone down 2-0 in the first half had seemed hopeless until you had scored two goals in the second, assisting on the third to put your team through to the knockout games. Another three goal contributions in the quarter-final matches had put you in the spotlight of all of the team’s media coverage, thrusting a wave of attention upon you that you had never asked for.

You had gone down 1-0 in the first leg of the semi-final, and now you were playing from behind. And it seemed that everyone expected you to be the one to pull them out of it.

So now, you were left feeling the pressure as the second leg was fast approaching.

“Alright, ladies. Have a good rest of the day and a great day off tomorrow.” He clapped his hands, dismissing you all. The circle of girls dispersed, chatting among themselves.

“Am I still leaving the cones out for you?” the coach raising his eyebrows at you. You only nodded in return. “Okay, don’t work yourself to death.”

You laughed humorlessly as you fiddled with the ball at your feet, not meeting his eyes.

“Hey,” he said, resting a hand on your shoulder to try to draw your attention to him. “Get some rest tomorrow, okay? We all see how hard you’re working. Give yourself a break.”

Another nod is all that you can muster, and you don’t miss the short sigh that he lets out as he drops his hand from your shoulder and walks to join the rest of the group moving indoors.

You repositioned a few of the cones to set up your own drill and got right into it.

Across the field, on another training pitch near yours, Mason watched as you carried the ball with you up and down the field, weaving between cones, practicing a few skills that he had seen you implement in games, and taking a shot on the goal at each pass.

He was supposed to be doing a bit of extra work with a few of the boys. The men’s team had finished their training session about an hour before, but a few of them still felt like they wanted to get a bit more done before calling it a day. So here they were, running a few small three-a-side games to utilize the last of their energy that day.

But he couldn’t help but notice how you never stopped.

During the team training, you were always one of the hardest-working ones out there. When he had returned to the pitch from lunch, you were taking shots on the goal with the rest of your team nowhere in sight. He wasn’t even sure he had seen you eating lunch inside when he thought about it.

And now here you were, sprinting across the length of the field, over and over, after the rest of your team had hit the showers.

He felt a twinge of worry for you but brushed it off as one of his teammates called his name to pull his attention back to the game they were playing.

Your head was spinning as you pushed yourself to keep moving. Your entire body was drenched in sweat. Every muscle ached from overexertion as you gritted your teeth, forcing them to keep moving. The sun was dizzyingly bright as the evening set in. You could feel the heat practically radiating off of your skin. Your lungs were burning with your heaving breaths and your mouth quickly grew dry.

“That’s what we have Miss Y/N for, right?” Your coach’s words echoed through your head as you carried the ball down the field.

“Y/L/N carries the Man U Women through to the semifinal!” You recalled the title of the article as you weaved between the cones.

“I really believe Y/N Y/L/N could be the one to lead Manchester United to their first Women’s Champion’s League trophy!” You heard the words of the pundit clear as day as you planted your foot, striking the ball cleanly. It soared through the air, curving toward the goal, and struck the crossbar. The ball flew away from the goal, bouncing pathetically on the ground in the penalty area.

You took a pause, the words and expectations crashing around your mind leaving an unsettling feeling in your chest. As you stood there, you couldn’t seem to get your panting breaths to grow steadier.

Your shirt suddenly felt too tight on your neck. You grasped the fabric, pulling it away from your body in an attempt to allow yourself to breathe easier, but nothing seemed to be helping.

Your head was spinning. You felt your stomach sink, a feeling like when you plummeted down the tall hill of a rollercoaster, a sick feeling settling in your abdomen. Your skin began to crawl, and you just couldn’t stop hyperventilating.

You began to panic. Eyes searching frantically for relief. You weren’t sure what you were looking for—something, anything.

You suddenly felt like you were too out in the open, needing to seclude yourself away from the sight of prying eyes. You set into a sprint, off of the field and around the corner of the nearest part of the building to you, trying to find some shade from the hot sun and hide yourself from anyone who might see your pathetic state.

But it was too late. Mason had seen the whole thing.

They had just paused their game for a short water break. He had seen you take the shot, instead hitting the crossbar. It only took him a few seconds once you paused to realize that something wasn’t right.

He watched the way your chest rose and fell rapidly in quick, short breaths. When you began attempting to pull your shirt away from your body, he instantly knew what was taking place. He’d recognize that feeling anywhere.

You were having a panic attack, whether you realized it or not.

As soon as he saw you take off for the side of the building, he was running after you without so much as a word of explanation to his teammates.

Once in the shade of the wall you hid behind, you began pacing, unable to keep still. Every inch of your body felt jittery, and you felt unsteady on your legs. You couldn’t manage more than rapid, shallow breaths. Your throat felt tight, your breaths sounding more like wheezes, and it was starting to make your head spin. Your hands flew to your head, scratching at your scalp in an attempt to somehow rid yourself of the feeling.

You were startled by Mason swiftly rounding the corner, concern written all over his face as he stopped in front of you.

“Hey, hey, hey, you’re okay,” he spoke calmly and evenly. He quickly reached up, taking your wrists in his hands so he could gently but firmly pull your hands out of your hair to keep you from hurting yourself.

“I can’t, Mason. I can’t,” you panted, shaking your head ‘no’ frantically and still trying to weakly pull your hand from his grip.

“You’re okay, Y/N. Try to slow down your breathing,” Mason’s calm voice directly contrasted your frantic behavior, speaking in short sentences so as to not overwhelm you more. “You’re safe. I’ve got you.”

A short sob fell from your lips, and you felt the tears spilling over and down your cheeks.

“We’re gonna lose,” you sobbed, and his eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion. “The semifinal, we’re gonna lose it, and it’s gonna be all my fault.”

In that moment, everything clicked into place for Mason-- the UWCL run, your success in the games leading up to the semi-final leg, the pressure from the fans and the team, the countless extra hours you had been putting in.

A loud noise in the distance, coming from the direction of the parking lot, startled you, snatching your attention and you whipped your head to the side, eyes searching frantically for the source. He released your wrists from his hand, testing the waters as he turned your head back to look at him with a hand on your cheek.

He cradled your face with a hand on either side, keeping your focus on him. His thumbs wiped the tears away that had slipped down your cheeks.

“Hey, look at me. You’re gonna be okay. I’ve got you,” he repeated the affirmations he had already been telling you.

As he stroked his thumbs softly over the skin of your cheek, he felt that your breathing was already growing a bit slower. You had reached up, holding onto his wrists with both of your hands to steady yourself, feeling too unsteady on your feet. His hands were gentle and soft on your skin.

Mason watched your expression, taking long deep breaths for you to emulate. Your eyes were still wide, darting frantically around his face, but you were trying your best to follow his breathing. He continued whispering short reassurances.

“You’re safe.”

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“I’ve got you.”

You were beginning to calm down, but your eyes darted to something behind Mason, pulled away from the calm atmosphere he had tried to create for you.

“Hey, hey, stay with me,” he spoke gently, pressing his forehead to yours so you would only focus on him. You were shocked at how little the intrusion on your personal space bothered you. In fact, to your surprise, the closeness seemed to settle you a little more.

You continued focusing on your breathing, gripping tightly to his wrists as if you thought he’d disappear if you let go. Your eyes were clamped closed, listening to Mason’s soft and slow breathing. You felt your pounding heart being to slow its pace.

The panic you had been feeling subsided, leaving behind a wave of extreme fatigue. You felt completely and utterly drained.

Mason must have noticed the way that your body slumped over, and he guided you to sit down on the grass, leaning back against the brick wall of the building. He sat down next to you, leaving space so he didn’t make you more nervous. But in the haze you felt in your mind, you felt a need to still be close to him, leaning over so you could place your head on his shoulder. A short pang of guilt washed over you as you noticed the crescent-shaped indents you had left on his wrists, your nails digging into the skin as you had held onto him.

The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes, your eyes slipping closed as you continued focusing on breathing slowly. A gentle breeze blew through, cooling your clammy skin and brushing through the blades of grass.

“I used to get them sometimes, too, you know?” Mason broke the silence, speaking softly.

You responded with a quiet, “hmm?” unsure of what he meant.

“Panic attacks,” he explained. “At the end of last season, before I left Chelsea. There was a lot of pressure. Any time I played, everyone had something to say about it. Even when I didn’t play, some would find a reason to be upset. It all just got to be too much.”

A deep sadness filled you while you listened to his words. “How did you get through it?”

“Ben found me having one in my car after training one day.” He was quiet for a moment. “I tried to power through it—like you. Skipping lunch and staying late to train a bit extra on the field or put in an extra session in the gym. But once Ben realized what was going on, he made sure that I was taking care of myself properly and wasn’t dealing with it on my own anymore.”

You sat up so you could look at Mason’s face, and you saw a hint of sadness there. “So I’ll tell you what he told me. There are 10 other people with you on that field at all times. If you fall down, there are 10 pairs of hands ready to help you back to your feet. If you succeed, there are 10 others to celebrate with you. But it’s not all on you.”

Your eyes were misty, welling up with tears at his words. He slipped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into a secure hug as the tears began to stream down your cheeks.

“No matter the outcome of the game next week, you’re an incredible player, Y/N.” He placed a soft kiss to the top of your head. “You’ve already done so much so early in your career. The media and the fans will say what they want—don’t let them get to you. And your coaches may get carried away with their expectations for you, but it’s just because they’re so excited to see you succeed. Just be the player you know how to be, and your achievements will speak for themselves.”

“Thank you, Mason,” you whispered after pondering his words for a moment. No words could express the gratitude you felt for the relief he had brought you just by letting you know that he was there and he understood. But as he squeezed your shoulders lightly in response, you hoped he knew just how thankful you were.

Eventually, Mason helped you to your feet, guiding you back toward the fields. You were still feeling a bit weak and unsteady, so he made sure you remained upright with a gentle hold on your arm as you walked. Deciding it was time for you to call it a day, he insisted on collecting the cones that you had been training with, not allowing you to help him by picking up even one of them.

It took some convincing but you told him you would be fine to drive yourself home—his only condition was that you texted to let him know you made it there safely.

“Alright, then. Rest on your day off tomorrow. Give yourself a break, okay?” he spoke as he put the last of the cones away. “I’ll check in with you on Monday, if that’s okay.” He didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. The two of you had been friendly before today, but you wouldn’t have considered yourselves close friends. He just wanted to be sure that you knew you had people in your corner.

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot,” you nodded, smiling at him. With a final hug, he sent you on your way as he turned to rejoin his (undoubtedly confused) teammates where he had left them.

“Remember: rest!” he shouted back at you as you parted ways, and you couldn’t stop the blushing smile that worked its way onto your face.

tag list: @landoslover @chelseagirl98 @thoseboysinblue @lovelynikol16 @swimmingismywholelife @masonsrem @bracedes @neverinadream @lizzypotter14 @notsoattractivearenti

[emcapi-gaming]

Ardwin's poetry

An attempt I made (first four a while ago, last one today) to write some poetry from Ardwin's perspective about the people she loves/has loved.

(If you can guess who all of them are about, you get a cookie; as a hint, they're in mostly chronological order. Answers and author commentary under the cut. I'll also post on AO3 in a minute.)

I. Fire

Wild thing, bright spark, not quite tame but here with me, my campfire, my hearth.

I need you. I will always need you.

Wherever I go, so do you. Wherever you go, I am home.

Your heart keeps me warm, wards the ice from my skin, soothes the ache from my back when the sky grows too heavy.

Tell the hungry things that lurk: we are not theirs to devour. Let me keep you burning. I will let you keep me safe.

II. Volcano

First, I thought you were a mountain. One more peak to climb and conquer. Beauty, danger, thrill and challenge. I ignored the warning signs: your heart held nothing but destruction.

And so: catastrophe.

The mountain, gone. The city, in ruins. The skies, all ash and fire.

Despite everything, I still yearned for the climb. Forgive me, if I still mourn for the mountain.

III. Inferno

Another self-same spark, taken root among drought and decay. Your love: overwhelming, consuming, uncontrollable. All the fiercer for how long I have refused you.

You were the only salvation left for me. My heart: neglected, choked, overgrown. Weighed down and tangled up, forgetting how to live.

You know what I need. Burn me down. Take me apart. Only through the ash can I begin to grow again.

IV. Star

Light born from a cradle of darkness, fearless, piercing through. Flickering, sometimes hidden, but persisting. A miracle beyond compare. When I first saw you, I was lost. I followed you and found my way. Now, you are too far to touch, but I have reached the stars before. I know it can be done again. Just a little longer, love; I’ll find my way back to you.

V. Spark

Sparks fly at our first touch: blinding, our hands brush, snap our circuit closed, trade high to low, and I understand how you’ve endured. But now, bottled lightning, break your glass. Retake the sky.

Answers for who's who:

I. Fire: Ardbert

II. Volcano: Zenos

III. Inferno: Fray

IV. Star: Zero

V. Spark: Arkose

Would Ardwin actually try to write poetry? Probably not. Most of her creative drive goes into crafting (BSM/ARM and CUL). She does very faithfully keep a journal, but it's closer to a bullet journal/log than a diary, mostly practical with only incidental emotional commentary.

Individual poem/relationship notes:

Ardbert: Pretty self-explanatory, for the most part, I think. (Blink-and-you-miss-it Atlas imagery go brrr. Would have been a good Azem name, but I wanted something a little more unique and Arkadios fit well too.)

Zenos: Debatable whether that whole thing qualifies as "love" in the same way as the other ones. This is definitely only something she'd write much later, after the fact; it takes her a while to come to terms with her complicated feelings about him.

Fray: ...I keep mentally referring to the weird as hell dynamic between Ardwin and her version of Fray as "Fray's Combo Questionable BDSM/Bootleg Therapy." Ardwin is so fucked up by the end of EW that she reacts to people trying to make her Talk About Her Feelings by lashing out (sometimes verbally, sometimes physically) like a wounded animal in a trap, Fray fixes her by dragging her through it kicking and screaming (often literally), they make out about it sometimes because Ardwin is Selfcest Georg. Yeah.

Zero: When they first met, Ardwin was improving but still like 40-50% fucked up, and got really emotionally attached to her in a slightly unhealthy way. She put Zero on a bit of a pedestal and also thought of her in terms of the whole dark knight "person I'm dedicated to protecting" role. (This, inevitably, wound up backfiring somewhat when Zero pulled her stunt with the Wall of Light, and Ardwin had such a bad panic attack she thought she was dying.) The subsequent magical-girl paladin transformation was a big turning point for Ardwin that went a long way towards fixing her general tendency towards being overprotective, and the time apart has helped soothe a lot of the lingering hurt feelings from the Light stunt. But also the second they get that hourglass working, Ardwin WILL be going to visit her girlfriend.

(Side note: it's a really good thing that Ardwin got over so much of the overprotective tendencies, because if she was like that with Arkose, they would have found her completely fucking insufferable and probably wanted to kill her.)

Arkose: Think I mentioned this in the previous lore post about Arkose and Eutrope's history, but they did have literal sparks, because soul shards/reflections where one has imbalanced aether can temporarily balance each other out by touching. I also mentioned in that post how they felt extremely trapped in Solution 9 and the Heritage Found lightning dome. Getting to get out of the dome and actually see the real sky for the first time in their life has been a Huge Fucking Deal for them.

It's interesting that this poem wound up being a lot more structured than the others. Part of that, I think, is from me writing it so much later than the other poems, and I just felt like it. Though if you want to go full literary-analysis, you can also look at the stronger structure as a reflection of Ardwin's mental state. She's gone through so much recovery since Endwalker and she's doing fantastic lately.

[in-all-ways-always]

8/7/23

Dear Love,

How are you? I’m doing good, the meds are helping. I haven’t had a clear mind ever in my life. Even though it’s made to help manage depression and anxiety, they said it has helped people with adhd. I’ve never had my adhd treated, I’ve struggled with it all my life. And for the first time in my life I can actually think and focus.

Wednesday will be a whole week of taking them, and they’ve helped a lot, I’m hopeful for once, optimistic. I look forward to seeing how much they help me in the future as time goes on. I have been feeling some of the side effects as the days have gone by. More and more I’ve not had an appetite, which I’m sure you know I am not mad about at all. It gives me energy, but not in a jittery anxious way. I feel more motivated to actually get up and do things. Where as before getting up just to throw something in the trash felt like a burden, even showering or brushing my teeth felt like a chore. I feel like I have a bit more patience now, I react to things that would set me off or annoy me differently. Which is very new, I mean, when I would be high I guess I’d react differently, in a more chill/whatever type of way. So maybe not so new.

The other side effects I’ve been feeling that I’m not thrilled about are the stomach pains, those are not fun. The nausea, I get slight headaches, my vision has worsened, and I break out into sudden sweats. I also have constipation problems with it, like I didn’t already have problems going to the bathroom. But I can deal with all of those things, they aren’t major issues that are stopping me from doing anything I need to do in my every day life.

I want so badly to talk to you, to see you. I miss you so much and I hope that you miss me just the same as I do you. I’m so tempted to go back to you and tell you I’m fine now, because the meds have me feeling better. But I know that there’s still so much work to be done with me in therapy, I can’t risk going back and ruining things between us for good. But I want you to know I am feeling better, i feel like a different person. I actually almost gave myself a panic attack the other night when I was sending voice messages to Gaby, I was listening to my messages and I couldn’t tell that it was me talking. I don’t know how else to explain it, other than I sound like a totally different person when I was talking to her, and telling her how I feel, and everything. Almost like to me, my voice sounds different. Idk, that’s just my opinion though. Maybe when you finally speak to me again you’ll notice a change.

My feelings haven’t changed for you. I still love you just the same as I did the last time we saw each other. I don’t cry anymore hardly. Things that I would breakdown crying so easily over, I don’t find myself on the verge of tears anymore. Although today I did cry when doing those NGL’s things on my close friends. Someone had asked if there was anyone that I missed, and it kinda hit me, and I broke down a little. I answered it and saw that you watched it. It I deleted it and felt like maybe it didn’t matter.

I wonder if you’ve found this blog yet and are reading what I write. Sometimes I wish that you’d drop hints that you read it, but then I’d think about it like how would he even know what hint to drop? Maybe my username? Idk, I see that you are wearing my necklace, I get happy each time that I see you wearing it in your stories. Like you’re letting me know you’re still waiting, you’re still there. That you’re keeping us, our future, alive.

I’m still unsure of the echo show, I want so badly to go. But I’m scared how you’ll treat me, I’m scared I’ll show up and see you with your arms wrapped around someone else. I won’t tell you, or hint to you that I’m going. I won’t even hint on here. Like you said, if I go, I go, and we’ll see what happens and not to let you know.

How’s your dad? Did he when his election? I hope he did, it would be stupid for anyone to vote for his opponent. The last you told me, it sounded like people were super supportive of him and like they were gonna vote for him. I hope that was the case. I hope your brother and Marley are good. I wonder sometimes if anyone knows me and you are on a break? I don’t tell anyone, other than Gaby, she’s really the only person I have that I can turn to for anything, all my problems. She’s always there when I need her.

If I’m being honest, I did those NGL’s things because I was hoping to hear from you somehow. That you’d write something that only me and you would know. I did feel like one of the questions I got may have been from you, and it was not a question I liked at all. The one about size and do I miss it. It’s something you’ve asked me in the past, and I really hope that’s not something you would ask me as you know I’m trying to get myself better. Don’t try to bring out the version of me that I’m trying to let go of.

I think about you every single day, you are always in my mind and in my heart. I carry you with me always, everywhere that I go. I miss you beyond this world, and I love you beyond time and space. You have my heart, and I am yours, in all ways, always.

I love you,

Your Mija

[imyourbratzdoll]

I’m not really sure what might equate to ‘angst’ but miscommunication between reader and Steve over something like the way Sharon talks to him

Reader getting upset and Steve not understanding why, him also getting upset about it all

Maybe some time apart

Hopefully that makes sense?

hello, I'm sorry if this is bad and for taking so long.

summary - there's been a misunderstanding in your relationship, does it get sorted?

warning - angst, swearing, slight fluff, anxiety.

the gif I use isn't mine, dividers by @firefly-graphics and @newlips

Steve didn’t understand what he did wrong. One minute, you were happy and talking to him, and the next, you were cold and distant. He walked to your shared room, hand coming up to knock on the door. “Baby? Please talk to me.” He can hear you crying, but he really doesn’t understand why. The last time he saw you was when Sharon came up to him, and he didn’t hear anything she was saying because his primary focus was you.

“Go away!” He was so confused. How could things change so drastically? 

“Okay… I’ll, uh, I’ll be around.” Steve cleared his throat, blinking away tears. He walks away, deciding to try and work out his emotions.

You sit on the bed, knees to your chest, as you cry your heart out. How could this happen? One minute you and Steve were happy, and the next, you walked in on him and Sharon flirting. The sight of Sharon touching his arm as she giggled will forever be imprinted in your mind. You didn’t mean to snap at Steve when he knocked on the door, but you felt stupid.

Stupid for thinking someone like him would stay with someone like you. Because if he walked into the room and saw your tear-filled face, he’d regret ever asking you out.

You knew that you probably should talk to Steve and tell him what was wrong but what if that opened his eyes? Made him realise he could do better? Your anxiety was holding you back, and sometimes that sucked.

You end up lying down, wrapping yourself in the blanket and drifting off to a nightmare-filled sleep. Tossing and turning all night, and when morning came. It was no better because you noticed that Steve came in during the night, and most of his belongings were gone. This had caused your heart to race, a panic attack coming out of nowhere.

F.R.I.D.A.Y noticed this and asked if you’d like her to get Captain Rogers, but you said no. Because what was the use? If he came in and took his things, why would he come and help you?

It had been a couple of weeks since that day, and you and Steve hadn’t spoken. The team had noticed this, mainly because Steve would mope around the compound, and you hadn’t left the room. They had also seen Sharon hanging around Steve a lot more.

You had decided today was the day to get some fresh air finally, and discuss everything with Steve. You won’t lie. Steve ignoring you did hurt. You had showered and brushed your teeth, changing into a fresh pair of clothes before leaving the room. Deciding the kitchen should be the first place as you haven’t eaten anything.

When you entered the room, the team stopped. Staring at you with wide eyes, you gave them a small smile before your eyes landed on Steve, feeling a punch to the stomach when you noticed Sharon practically hanging off him. You swallow and walk over to the fridge, ignoring the pang in your heart at the thought of Steve moving on without even breaking up with you.

You quickly grab a bottle of water and some fruit, giving everyone a nod before leaving the room and heading outside. Finding a nice tree to sit under as you ate, not knowing that Steve followed, finally being able to break free of Sharon. “Y/n!” Your eyes widen, staring up at Steve as he gets closer. He quickly falls to his knees and pulls you into a hug. “Oh, god! I’ve been so worried about you. I tried asking F.R.I.D.A.Y about you, but she wouldn’t tell me, and she’d only let me into the room to grab my things. I was warned not to wait or wake you. I’m so sorry! I don’t know what I did, but whatever it was, I’m terribly sorry!” He cries, burying his face into your neck.

You pluck the grass underneath you. “You didn’t seem so worried with Sharon on your arm….” Steve looks up, brows furrowed.

“Is that what this was about? Because I will never want her. I tried pushing her away, but she wouldn’t fuck off.” He’s so frustrated, wishing he wasn’t such a gentleman at times so he could tell another woman to leave him alone.

Your brow raised, “language.” You smile softly as he glares at you before getting serious and nervously looking down at your hands. “So… That day that I walked in and she was giggling and touching your arm… was?” 

“Nothing. I barely even noticed she was there, and when you walk into a room, all of my attention goes to you.” His hand holds your cheek, staring intensely into your eyes. “Trust me. I love you.”

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

[emerald-chaos]

Homecoming

Alright—so. On this great national holiday, what better way to celebrate than with Francisco, huh? Ever since I saw that the internet wholly agrees that this man eats it like it was his god given mission to do so, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Thus, this little drabble/ficlet/oneshot/whatever-the-fuck was born. I hope you all enjoy 😋.

Special shout out to @softlysteven and @bitchassbucky for listening to me scream about this idea.

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morales x fem!reader

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: smut (18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI), pussy eating (like…a lot of it), spitting, overstimulation, and uhmmm I think that’s it? Not beta’d—a hoe had to get this off her chest—all mistakes are my own.

By clicking the read more button, you are agreeing that you are at least 18 years of age or older and that you are responsible for your own media consumption.

A wave of pleasure crashed through your entire body as you writhed against Frankie’s face. The man had just pulled a third orgasm from you in the short amount of time you’d been home for.

Being away for months was hard on Frankie—hard on both of you. Of course, the reunions were always so fuckin’ sweet. The two of you spent the day wrapped up in bed and in each other as you peppered in missed conversations between rounds of mind-blowing sex. Today wasn't supposed to be any different.

It was different, however, due to the fact that you had gotten caught up in work and were unable to sneak out after lunch like you had planned with your coworker. They were going to cover for you while you ran back to home and into Frankie’s arms. Unfortunately, there was a mishap with the issue your company was set to release and thus an emergency, all hands on deck, meeting was called. No slipping away from that.

So, instead of meeting your lover at the airport after he had spent six grueling weeks away from you, a boardroom full of panicked higher ups got your full and undivided attention.

You felt fucked alright—but not in the way you had hoped.

Frankie, of course, was a champ about it. Easing your worries as you stressed out to him on the phone during your lunch break.

“Baby, baby, baby. Slow down. You’re gonna give yourself a panic attack.”

“Don’t sweat it, angel. M’not goin’ anywhere. I’ll see you when you get home.”

Little did you know the reason Frankie was so calm and collected about the entire thing was because the bastard had a plan.

A plan that started the second you crossed the threshold of your home.

You entered through the front door and your eyes locked on to his immediately. The door clicked shut softly behind you and it felt as though time stood still. The tension in the room was palpable as the two of you stared at one another.

Next thing you know, your body is shoved up against the front door—Frankie on his knees in front of you as your skirt is flipped up, panties pulled to the side, and his face is buried in your cunt.

You hadn’t even had a chance to mutter the word hello before this man had you coming undone on his tongue. The first time was fast—Frankie working to do everything he knew would make you cum the quickest. His lips wrapped around your clit, his head shaking back and forth, and the low hum that emitted from his lips that made your legs shake.

As you came down from the first high, Frankie panted against the soft skin of your inner thighs. Taking his time biting and sucking at your skin, his strong hands kneaded the flesh on the outside. A small, breathless laugh tumbled from your lips as your hands smoothed the hair they had threatened to pull from the roots not moments before.

“Well, that’s one way to say hel—“

Your words were quickly cut off with a squeak as your body was being lifted up and carried across the room. Your back thumped against the couch cushions as Frankie angled your hips just off the edge. Before you could even find your bearings, his mouth was once more attached to your cunt—pulling orgasm two and three from you.

Those two had brought you to the current circumstances in which you found yourself. Shirt pushed up, bunching just underneath your chin—bra yanked down as your breasts heaved with each deep breath you took in an attempt to ground yourself after the high you’d just experienced.

Frankie, on the other hand, looked completely level. Aside from the random strands of hair that stuck up haphazardly at the way you pulled and tugged on them during his pussy feast—and his swollen, shiny lips that were twitched upward in a sickening grin—he looked…normal.

Those gorgeous lips were once again on your thighs as he kissed them—wet and open mouthed—basically any spot that was close enough to reach. In your state of half consciousness, you thought you heard him ask if you were alright—to which you nodded.

Alright? You were on cloud fucking 9.

“Take me to bed, Frankie.” You whined, hand reaching down to tilt his chin toward you. “I need you. Need all of you. Please.”

A soft grunt was all you got in response before your body was jerked from the couch and up into his arms. As he made his way toward your bedroom, your clothes were left in a trail behind him.

Once you made it to your bed, Frankie laid you gently on your back. Your big, doe like eyes stared up at him—silently begging for something more as you felt a desperate need to feel the way he stretched you out and filled you up.

Instead, Frankie’s lips twitched upward into a grin for a fraction of a second before your body was flipped over—face down into the mattress. A gasp choked it’s way from your throat as you felt your hips being lifted into the air, knees settling into the mattress.

“Frankie.” You whined, fingers digging into the familiar sheets of your bed.

“M’not done yet, querida. Jus’ wanna taste a little bit more.” His gruff voice had you moaning before his mouth even touched your overworked cunt.

The mattress dipped underneath his weight as Frankie’s large calloused hands kneaded the flesh of your ass. He spread you open for him before he dove back into your swollen, dripping heat.

Frankie always said he could spend all day between your legs but you never thought he actually meant it. His warm mouth moved against your flesh for a moment before you realized—

This man was making out with your pussy.

Slow, wet, open-mouthed kisses placed on your folds. His tongue occasionally swiping through to tease your clit and collect your wetness. Your face quickly contorted in pleasure as you felt every inch of his tongue as it slid through your seam.

“Fuck—Frankie, baby, please.” You begged, eyes squeezed shut and voice a pitch higher than usual.

What you were begging for—you weren’t entirely sure at that point. The way his mouth felt on you was too fucking good to allow a coherent thought to enter your brain.

His mouth left for only a brief moment when he pulled back to breathlessly admire your cunt. Sliding his hands down closer to the apex of your legs, his thumbs slowly spread your lips open even further for him. A strangled, guttural moan came from behind you as Frankie watched the way your hole clenched around nothing.

“I fucking love this pussy.”

The words were followed by a harsh noise as Frankie spit onto your already soaking cunt before burying his face back into it. His nose teased your entrance as his tongue flicked repeatedly over your clit.

A loud gasp, coming out somewhat like a cry, burst forward from your chest as you pushed your hips back against his face—earning a grunt of approval from the man behind you.

Every muscle in your body was on fire and you could feel your limbs start to shake under the weight of your body. Obscene slurping and sucking sounds filled the room as Frankie chased your climax.

Like he was Ahab and it was his fucking white whale.

A string of curses tumbled from your lips as Frankie mumbled into your cunt—the friction from his facial hair starting to burn your skin in the most delicious way possible.

“That’s it—that’s it, baby. Give it to me. I want it. Give it to me.”

Suddenly it was like a thread snapped and a bomb had gone off in your ears. A loud ringing sensation took over your body as you felt your orgasm rip through your body. Your thighs shook violently and you could tell that if it weren’t for Frankie holding you up that you would have collapsed onto the bed ages ago.

The room was spinning as you felt your body float back down to earth. Frankie gently—and greedily—cleaning up from between your thighs. A soft whimper had him laying your body flat before he kissed his way up your spine.

His fingers brushed your hair from your neck before he gently kissed the base of it—trailing those kisses across your shoulder.

A soft smile danced on your face as you let your eyes flutter close. Frankie stayed at your side as he watched the way his fingertips ghosted gently up and down your back. You welcomed the moment of rest.

What felt like both half a second and a total eternity later, you heard Frankie’s voice cut through the post orgasm haze—an arrogant and cockiness to the tone that made your thighs squeeze together again.

“Mmm, you did so good for me, querida. Always so good for me…now I can’t wait to see how many times I can get you to cum on my cock.”

[ashdreams2023]

I think my request got lost so I’ll request again if that’s ok!

Loki x princess reader where reader makes a mistake / screws something up and Loki snaps st her , causing her to cry and lock herself in a private bedroom as a way to cope and Loki struggles to coax her out to talk

Painting

Your eyes traveled from the painting to your husband reading in his study.

He was free today and was spending his time finishing some books and filling up documents.

You on the other hand took to opportunity to finish a painting of him you’ve been working on for a while now, and since he was still in one place it was just the perfect time.

After a few more stokes of paint you stood up and go grab a some extra tools from your art box you left beside Loki’s desk.

He was still focused on reading on his book he didn’t notice you coming over to pick some stuff.

It was when you leaned down to take a peak at what he was reading did hell break lose, the faint you were holding with the tools slipped out of your hand and splashed all over his desk including the pages of the book he was reading.

You couldn’t even function a reaction before he stood up with a frustrated groan "I CAN NEVER HAVE A SINGLE PEACEFUL DAY IN MY LIFE CAN I!?" He spat your way, it made you feel choked and the next thing you knew you ran out the room with tears running down your cheeks.

Locking yourself into the room was the only thing you could think of at that moment, you didn’t want to have a full blown panic attack in front of him.

It doesn’t take Loki long to realize how outrageous his reaction was, and how easy it is that he could use his magic to clean the mess.

Then he saw your beautiful painting of him, his heart crashed, you were only trying to spend time but now he screwed up over something idiotic.

He looked for you everywhere, and when found out you were in a room locking yourself, he himself felt like he’s choking on his own breath.

"Darling, please calm down and let’s talk" you didn’t answer and he could only listen to you trying to catch your breath between sobs.

"I’m sorry, please I’m not gonna do it again" he desperately tried again and again, until all he could do is sit there against the door waiting for who knows how long.

At one point he stood up and went back to his study, and took your unfinished painting and knocked on your door one more time.

"I’ve got your painting…the colors are beautiful, you did a great job on it"

After a few seconds of silence you cracked the door open "it’s not finished" you said.

"Can I help you finish it?" He said.

You shook your head then extended your arms for it "but you can wait until it’s finished, then I’ll show you" Loki sighed, handing you the painting and fighting the urge to embrace you in his arms.

"Are you still upset with me?"

You shook your head with a little pout on your lips "no…but I would like some space as well" Loki nodded letting you close the door again and clinching his heart.

He deserved this, being away from you more than usual, he hoped he wouldn’t go insane by the end of it.

[mackeydoodledoo]

Job Struggles

Pairing: Kim Burgess x (Firefighter Wife!)Reader

Original Request: If possible could you do a Kim Burgess x Firefighter Wife Reader where reader works at firehouse 51 on Squad 3 with Kelly and the others and while they are on the way back to the station after responding to a call Reader gets a call from Kevin saying that Kim was shot reader start to lose their mind with fear and anger in the truck and when they get to med and reader sees Kim the way they are reader has a complete emotional break down (this takes place in 8×16

Summary: Being in Chicago's biggest law enforcement branches is a grueling job. For both you and Kim Burgess. However, has given you Perks as you were super close with Intelligence. However, after working a call, you get a call form Kevin Atwater.... En Route back to 51...

Warnings: Near-Death (Kim), Panic Attack/Mental Breakdown

Key: Italics = Thoughts, +*+ = Time Skip, Bold/Indent = Walkie Comm

Theme: The Scientist - Coldplay

A/n: None

---------------------------------------------------------

“I think Sarge will move on the crime ring to apprehend Roy Walton,” Kim says, putting on a long sleeve shirt

“Must be nice getting all that action,” You sigh, clipping your belt on

“Oh I’m sure you’ll be saving lives,” Kim says, turning to you as you finish putting on your work shirt, “Getting to run into fire... Save people... Risk your life...”

“Kim,” You start, wrapping your arms around her hips, “The PD do the exact same thing, but you kill people if that was your last option... We try to prevent lives from being taken and take down fires.”

“Don’t you also take care of hazardous waste?” Kim asks, “You are apart of Squad 3 after all.”

That part was true. You were apart of Firehouse 51′s Rescue Squad 3. It wasn’t very common for females to be apart of the rescue squad. However, you wanted to make it so that you were the first female to become apart of Squad 3. Now here you were...

“It's not that big of a deal,” You sigh, “I’m not Lieutenant Severide, or the driver/engineer... Just someone who's on the Squad.”

Kim scoffs at your modesty.

“It may not be the most glamorous job ever to exist, but, you do all the heavy-lifting,” Kim says

“Actually that’s everyone in the department, regardless of what your position is,” You clarify, “I’m just the one who does it a little bit more...”

Kim presses her palms against your toned biceps, giving them a firm squeeze.

“Hmm... That’s still hot though,” Kim flirts, “Hotter than Ruzek.”

Your snort bursts into a laugh; you knew of Kim’s history with him. Although you initially resented each other due to both of your feelings towards Kim, you won in the end. However, the both of you began growing a friendship after awhile. He helps you keep tabs on Kim while at work or her and Makayla when you’re doing a double shift at 51.

“Do you think you’ll be home tonight?” You ask

“Don’t know,” Kim sighs, “Intelligence has been at this for the last couple of days. Sarge has been working us hard...”

“Hmmm,” You sigh, tilting your head downward to her ear, “When you bring that cute ass back home I’ll work you hard...”

You force your knee between Kim’s legs as you press it against her crotch. She lets out a startling moan as she pushes you away from her.

“If you continue to do that to me, We’d be late for work,” She smiles

“You know I’d risk being late for work,” You smirk

“Careful there Ms. Firefighter,” Kim says, tugging you by your belt, “Don’t forget that I’m. cop...”

You hear metal click against one another, you see her handcuffs. 

+*+

Coming home to the apartment by yourself was an odd feeling but not a new one.

“Y/n!” Makayla runs up to hug your midsection

“Hey kiddo,” You smile, putting your duffle bag onto the ground

“Hi Mrs. Burgess,” Gabby greets you with a smile

“Gabby, for the last time, you can refer to me by my first name,” You chuckle, “No need for formalities. did this one behave while Kim and I were out?”

Gabby nods, “Made sure she did her homework as soon as she got out of school, 

“Hey, have you heard for Kim at all today?” You lean in close to Gabby, hoping that Makayla would hear Kim’s name 

Gabby shakes her head, “She hasn’t been here since I got here this morning.”

“Okay,” You sigh, “Thank you Gabby, drive home safe.”

Gabby nods as she gathers her things to make her leave for the night. You tuck in Makayla into bed as you walk out into the kitchen to get yourself something to eat. 

+*+

The next morning you opened your eyes, still half asleep. But you were hoping that you felt Kim’s arm around your midsection; nothing. 

Maybe she crashed with Ruzek or Atwater...

You help Makayla get dressed, get her breakfast and the both of you hop into your car.

“You remember what you and Kim talked about?” You ask her, helping her with her backpack

She nods.

“Good,” You smile, patting her on the head, “Have a good day at school kiddo!”

You watch her talk off from your car and into her school. You watch her catch up with her homeroom teacher. You drive off to Firehouse 51 to start your day.

“Hey Y/n, whoa everything okay?” Severide asks

“Kim hasn’t been home since before we both left for work yesterday morning...” You sigh, “I’m worried...”

“Has anyone else from Intelligence gotten in touch with you?” He asks

“I figured they were busy, so I didn’t really reach out to anyone,” You say

“That is true, we did hear them asking on a big case,” He says

Before the both of you could converse further, the alarm goes off.

Truck 81 Ambulance 61 Squad 3 Structural Fire at [Insert Random Chicago Address Here]

You and Severide share a look of ‘oh boy’ before rushing to your turnout gear.

+*+

You take off your helmet as the truck roars, groaning from the amount of pressure growing; the fact your wife hadn’t returned home last night and the structure fire was a little more than you had bargained for. You and the rest of 51 were riding back to the station after taking care of a hazardous fire. Your squad just sat in silence as the truck makes its ambient noises. However, an extra sound echoed throughout the truck’s interior.

Shit...

You reach into your no-longer secret compartment in your area of the truck and low and behold; it was your phone in particular.

“Y/n, you knew the rules, no phones while we go out on calls,” Joe Cruz states

“I know that,” You sigh, “Intelligence and all of PD are on an important investigation and Kim hasn’t gotten back to me since before work yesterday... Both by phone and physically returning home.”

“Joe it’s fine,” Severide states, “Good thinking you didn’t have it on you out there.”

Once you finally look down at your phone, you see Adam’s name come up. Immediately you pick up the call.

“Kevin?” You speak

“Finally!” He says, “I’ve been trying to reach you for the last hour!”

“Sorry, was taking care of a hazardous fire,” You summarize, “What’s going on? Why hasn’t Kim reached out to me?”

“That’s just it, Kim was kidnapped and is in the hospital,” Atwater states

Your heart drops. You nearly let your phone slip out of your hands

“I need you to get to Med as soon as possible,” He says, “Since you’re her next to kin.”

“I’ll try...” You say, hanging up the phone

That was when you unconsciously let your phone slip out of your hand. It startles everyone and the attention draws onto you. However, they were unnerved; your face had gone pale, cold sweat began emitting from your pores, your eyes: saying they’ve just seen a ghost, the way your fingers were heavily fidgeting with one another... 

“Tony...” You call out to him, “Take me to Med.”

“I need to get the rig back to 51,” Tony states

“Tony, just get to Med, I’ll contact the rest of the rigs and Chief Boden,” Severide states, “Whatever it is Y/n, We’ll get you there okay?”

No words could exit your mouth, you could only nod and continue sitting in utter silence as your fingers continued to fidget. 

+*+

You nearly break the glass of the sliding doors as you rush through the doors of the Trauma floor.

“Y/n Burgess?” Maggie asks you

“Yeah, that’s me,” You say, “Where’s Kim?” 

“Follow me,” She says

As you enter the hospital rooms. you see the Intelligence department. Atwater was the one who stood up to follow you.

“How long was she here for?” You ask him

“Since last night...” He explains, “She didn’t have any of her equipment so it was hard to exactly find out where she was...”

“Maggie, how bad is it?” You ask

“She had lost a lot of blood by the time she got in,” She explains, 

You didn’t even open the door to Kim’s hospital room, the view from the door’s window was enough to send you onto your knees. 

“Oh my god!” You yelp

Atwater catches you just before your legs gave out. He places his hand against your palm as you sob into his shoulder.

“Y/n, she did survive her surgery,” Maggie adds, “But, barely. We don't know when it’ll be until she wakes up.”

“So basically...” You sniffle, re-composing yourself, “It’s just a waiting game?”

She nods, “But, your best bet is to be there for your kid right now. I’m going to keep Intelligence and yourself.”

You nod, agreeing.

+*+

In all honesty, it was difficult.... To keep the fact Kim almost died from Makayla until Kim was awake. You sit at her bedside, she was still unconscious as the monitor tracking her heart rate kept a steady beat, filling the silent room with white noise. You look down at your watch and stand. However, instead of putting your Squad 3 Jacket on, you place it over Kim’s upper body, carefully, making sure it didn’t snag on any 

“Why hasn’t Kim come back home yet?” Makayla breaks the question to you

You stop coloring with her and stare down at the coloring page.

“Y/n?” Makayla tries to see your face

“Kim had to do some hero things at work. And some heroes get hurt, so they have to go to a certain place to get those boo boos treated, or else they wouldn’t get better,” You try to explain to her, trying to downplay that Kim almost died

“Can we go see her?” sHe asks

You contemplate... You didn’t want Makayla seeing Kim laying in the hospital bed, unconscious.

“Yeah,. yeah we can,” Was what came out of your mouth

+*+

You knock on Kim’s door as you slowly open it for Makayla. She rushes in and holds Kim’s hand carefully.

“Hey stinkers,” She smiles, sighing

“How are you feeling?” You ask her

“Better,” She smiles at you, “I should be able to come home in the next few days

You nod.

“Thanks for the jacket,” She smiles, gesturing to the one she kept in her lap, “Missed you.”

“Missed you too...” You sigh

“And how is our little girl?” She changes her view to your daughter

“I’m good,” She smiles back, “When are you going to come home?”

“As soon as the doctor clears me,” She tells her

The three of you hear a knock at the door, causing you three to turn to them.

“Hey doc,” Kim greets him

“Are you?...” He asks

“Y/n Burgess,” You say

“I have good news,” He says, “Kim is all cleared to return home. But, she needs to be at home until her wounds fully heal.”

“Done,” You say

+*+

Kim’s POV You had just changed into your PJs for the night however, you needed to change the bandages before you went to bed. 

“Need help?” A voice calls out to you

You turn around carefully and see your wife in the doorway.

“Your wife’s fine, thanks,” You try to play it off

However, you weren’t thinking and wench in pain at your gut. You feel Y/n’s presence right down your neck as you felt her body heat. 

“I got it,” She says

She walks to be in front of you, but then kneels down as she carefully places her palms on your ribcage as she removes the soiled bandages and gently places them over the new ones. 

Y/n’s POV You shift your eyes upward to see Kim’s eyes shifted to you. watching you. You lean forward and place the most gentle kiss you could ever give right on top of the bandaged wounds. You look up at her and listen to her deep sighs as you put another kiss on the other wound. 

“What are you doing?” She hisses

“Making these heal faster,” You smile

However, she begins catching on when you begin kissing higher. However, she stops you and brings your face close to hers.

“You have work tomorrow and you need rest,” Kim says, “Once I’m fully healed and back into work...”

She tugs on your shirt and leans towards your ear, her lips nearly hovering over it. 

“I’m going to work you hard...” She whispers 

You chuckle as she readjusts herself and settles her hands against your shoulders.

“I’ll count on that,” You smile

Without giving her much work, you lean down slightly and kiss her. 

[babeczka415]

The End - one shot

MC POV

After two longs years being with Jake and helping him get free things don’t feel right. We act like everything is okay but I feel like I’m making a fool out of myself lately. There have been a lot of fights and even with the distance.

I ended up flying out to Colsville to surprise him and I knocked on his apartment and a girl answered.

“Hello” she says confused. 

“Sorry I must have the wrong apartment. My friend must of moved recently.” I say with my heart breaking knowing the truth.

I hear from behind the door Jake’s voice “your coffee is ready, love” as the girl shuts the door.

I stay stable and walk to the elevator. I wait for it open and I head someone come out of one of the apartments. I try and not look back not wanting to see if it’s Jake. As the elevator door opens I feel someone grab my hand and spin me around and I see Jake. I lose it and break down looking into this his blue eyes that don’t have that love I use to see looking back at me.

“MC please let’s talk” he says

I can’t say anything as i bolt into the elevator “you stay” i manage out between the tears as I make the door close. I fall to the floor and my phone goes off and I see it’s Jake. I toss it in my bag and it breaks my heart.

I knew this was coming, he became distance but I didn’t want to believe it. I walk out and get into the rental car and my phone keeps going off and it’s Jake.

I answer after the 10th call since I told him to stay “Jake I don’t want ot hear it! You made a fool out of me!” I say hanging up not letting him say a word.

I pick up my phone and call Jessy, i know she moved to paris after we managed to find Hannah but I know she comes to visit so I’m hoping that when i told her I was coming here that she was coming.

“Hey girl everything okay? I know you said you just got into Colville today” she says as she answers the phone.

“Jessy” i say bawling my eyes out unable to get out anything more.

“MC what is wrong do i need to get Dan on this chat?” she ask

“No Dan. He’s just going to tell me ‘I told you so’.... I came out here to surprise Jake and try and rekindle because we haven’t seen eachother in 6 months and’ i start having a panic attack.

“Calm down, i just landed coming to Duskwood as well. Send me your location and i’ll come get you in a cab and we can go get coffee”

I send her my location “Jessy….. Its over between me and him and there is nothing to fix anymore’ i say crying again

“I’ll be there right away. Once i get out of the cab i’ll call you again, stay there please.” she says concerned.

We hang up the phone and I lean my head back and close my eyes. I get startled by someone knocking on my window and I open my eyes and see Jake. He has a cup of coffee in his hand and i see the sadness in his eyes. My window is cracked so i don’t get too hot waiting for Jessy 

‘MC can we talk please, i brought you coffee” he says trying to do that smile that melts my heart and he knows it.

“Jake I need some time. I flew out here to try and fix things with you. Only to knock on your door and have another girl answer it.” I say turning on the car and shutting the window as I put the music on and the song “Flower” By Lauren Spencer Smith plays and I just start balling my eyes again.

Jake tries to open my door but its locked and my phone goes off. 

“I’m in the parking garage, first floor, red BMW. Heads up he’s standing outside my driver door” i say as i answer wiping the tears away from my eyes.

“Oh he better leave before i lose it on him!” she yells into the phone and I can tell she’s angry.

All of a sudden, i see Jake get pushed back from the car by a female and i notice the red hair. I can’t help but laugh because that’s my best friend.

“Dan and I warned you what would happen Jake!” she angrily yells  in his face. “You thought we were joking but I already told Dan what she told me! How the hell could you cheat on her when all she wanted was to be with you!?”

She goes to open the  back doordoor and realizes it locked. I undo it knowing he’s not going to try anything and i was wrong. As jessy is putting her luggage in the backseat with mine, he opens the drivers door and crouchs down so he’s at my level. I turn my head away from him in pure disgust of him.

“MC, please we need to talk about this” he says, starting to reach out but stops.

“Just leave her alone, she doesn’t want to even look at you, Jake” says Jessy as I climb into the passager seat in the front seat unable to drive at this moment and just wanting away from him.

“Jessica, just let her tell me this herself.” he says

“I told you fucking stay! I walked away from you crying because it’s over. You hurt me Jake and I can’t keep doing this.” i say looking into his eyes as i start crying again but so flustered with myself and him for not seeing the signs before this trip.

He stands up “fine but i eventually do want to talk to you about everything’ he says as he steps away from the car.

Jessy gets in the car and i get out. I look at Jessy, give me a few moments I need to say some things to him” i say walking around the front of the car and away from it and he follows me.

He leans against the wall and reaches for my hand but I cross my arms. “I need to say something and then I’m walking away before i say or do something I regret right now” I say with tears still in my eyes.

“Okay, i understand.” he says and i see the hurt in his eyes.

“I helped you become a free man from running.” as tears run down my face.  “You took me over to your house to meet your family, even your MOM! You introduce me to them, saying that you’d marry me. Then you looked me in the eyes after we left and say ‘It was just a joke’. You kiss me and I’d smile, did you even know? When you’d say that kind of thing, I’d be excited. You got me hoping one day you would mean it.” as i feel my heart rate increase. “I always thought I’d only make a fool of someone else. Now you have only gone and made me make one of myself. We’d fight and you'd send flowers but i guess they aren’t just used for big apologies.” my hands start to shake. “I guess I should’ve been more conscious of how you spoke to me, trying to control me. When we would fight you’d give me space and not communicate and for a while I thought that’s what i should appreciate.” Blaming myself for not seeing this sooner. “Maybe I was holding onto what I thought you were, but when you think too hard, eventually it starts to hurt. The version of you in my head, now I know it wasn’t true. Young people fall for the wrong people, I guess my one was you.” as I say this I walk away. Not giving Jake a chance to say anything as I get back in the car and Jessy pulls out and i see him in the side mirror standing there watching the car leave.

Jakes POV:

There is a knock on the door, I have the girl i had over open it as I’m making coffee. I hear MC’s voice and I panic as she just says she was looking for her friend but I know she means me. I lose all focus and say “your coffee is ready, love.”

She shuts the door and comes up to me wrapping her arms around me. “Who was at the door?” I ask knowing the answer.

“Some girl looking for her friend. I thought you lived here for a bit?” she asks, confused.

‘Yeah, her friend must have lived here before me. But give me a moment I’m going to go see if I can help her.” I say pushing her away and throwing on my sneakers and a black shirt. I open my door and look down at the elevator and see MC standing there fidgeting. I can tell she’s upset but trying to stay focused, she was always good at that and I loved that about her.

I walk up to her and just as the door opens I reach out and grab her. She freezes and I spin her around. I see the tears in her eyes as she looks into my eyes. The love look is gone like the last time I looked into those brown eyes and this time all I see is hate towads me even through the tears.

“MC, please let’s talk”. I say wanting to hold her but knowing I caused those tears.

She doesn’t say anything but gets loose from my hand and bolts into the elevator “you stay” she manges to say as she makes the door close.

I freeze, unsure what is going to happen. I bolt back in and grab a cup of coffee that I made for myself throwing on a lid to keep it from spilling as a bolt down back out the door. 

I hear the girl in my apartment say “what’s going on Jake?”

“Please leave, I don’t want anyone when I come back” I say annoyed with myself for causing this hurt to MC when I promised her two years ago I would never leave her.

I finally get to the parking garage. I’m on the top floor and I don’t see her. I start looking through all the cars, looking for someone in the front seat that’s crying. I finally get to the first floor and I see a red BMW. I know what her car taste is like when she’s renting and that is 100% it. I walk up and I see her head tilt back and her eyes close. She isn’t crying but I just know, the window is cracked open so I gently knock on the window. I see her jump and it breaks my heart knowing she doesn’t trust me anymore.

‘MC, can we talk  please, I brought you coffee’ I say, showing her the coffee cup as I take the lid off. Knowing that coffee always won her heart over.

“Jake, I need some time. I flew out here to try and fix things with you. Only to knock on your door and have another girl answer it.” she says as she starts the car putting the window up and I see the tears flowing again.

I try and open her door because I just want to comfort her but she doesn’t let me and I see her answer her phone. I have no idea who shes talking too but I have a feeling. I should leave but I can’t leave her. We need to talk, I wish I had open that door instead of that girl then we would of been able to.

I’m so focused on MC I don’t even see someone come up and push me back until it’s too late and I spill the coffee on me. I’m so focused on MC and the hot coffee spilt on me, I see Jessica angry yelling at me but I can’t even hear what she’s saying but I know she isn’t happy with how things went with MC and me. Honestly, I can’t blame her and I know she told Dan. I’m waiting for those threats from him, nothing I’m not used to after two years with MC. I know I messed up a good thing because it’s who I am. I can’t keep a good thing in my life for long before I purposely mess things up and that’s exactly what I did here.

I see Jessica open the back door and I take it as the door is unlocked. I open the driver side door where MC is and crouch down to her level. I go to reach for her but after everything I stop myself. “MC, please we need to talk about this” I say, wanting to comfort her.

“Just leave her alone, she doesn’t want to even look at you, Jake” says Jessy as MC climbs into the passenger seat in the front seat. 

“Jessica, just let her tell me this herself.” I says angrily at her for always butting in.

“I told you fucking stay! I walked away from you crying because it’s over. You hurt me Jake and I can’t keep doing this.” MC say, looking into my eyes and starts crying again.

I stand up “fine but I eventually do want to talk to you about everything’ as I steps away from the car. I’m so angry with myself for not knowing she was coming here. Honestly, I haven’t been giving her the attention she deserves because I feel she deserves better than me.

Jessy gets in the car and MC gets out. I can tell MC is saying something to Jessica but I can’t hear her. She walks in front of the car and looks at me. I follow her away from the car and lean against the wall. I reach my hand out for her but she pulls away and crosses her arms.

“I need to say something and then I’m walking away before I say or do something I regret right now” She says with tears still in my eyes.

“Okay, I understand.”I say and try to hide my emotions because I did this to her but seeing her crying just breaks my heart and I’ve lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I just know it.

“I helped you become a free man from running.” as tears run down her face.  “You took me over to your house to meet your family, even your MOM! You introduce me to them, saying that you’d marry me. Then you looked me in the eyes after we left and said ‘It was just a joke’. You kiss me and I’d smile, did you even know? When you’d say that kind of thing, I’d be excited. You got me hoping one day you would mean it.” as she fidgets and I know her heart is racing.. “I always thought I’d only make a fool of someone else. Now you have only gone and made me make one of myself. We’d fight and youd send flowers but i guess they aren’t just used for big apologies.” her hands start to shake. “I guess I should’ve been more conscious of how you spoke to me, trying to control me. When we would fight you’d give me space and not ocmmunicate and for a while I thought that’s what i should appreciate. Maybe I was holding onto what I thought you were, but when you think too hard, eventually it starts to hurt. The version of you in my head, now I know it wasn’t ture. Young people fall for the wrong people, I guess my one was you.” as she says this I walk away. 

“I’m sorry for everything, MC. You deserve better” I say unsure if she even heard me as she walks away and gets in the car. I watch them leave and I see MC’s face in the side mirror and my heart breaks. Once they are out of sight I push the brick wall behind me as I see the girl from last night come walking out to the elevator.

“I won’t be coming back” she says as she walks past me. I don’t say anything to her because she already figured out it was more than what MC mentioned.

I head back into my apartment and pull out my phone. I open the messages but knowing she’s not going to check them right now and I can’t blame her.

Jake: MC, I’m sorry for everything. You deserve better than this. I know for the last year I haven’t been the best and you kept trying to fix things between us and I just pushed you away. Please just know you will always hold a space in my heart but I did fall in love with you and I hate that I broke you like this.

I hit send, unsure if she even blocked me until it shows she’s online. I see her typing and then nothing and she goes offline again.

“I will always love you, MC” I say to myself as I throw the coffee cup I still have across the apartment.

[x3kristax3]

The End - one shot MC POV

After two longs years being with Jake and helping him get free things don’t feel right. We act like everything is okay but I feel like I’m making a fool out of myself lately. There have been a lot of fights and even with the distance.

I ended up flying out to Colsville to surprise him and I knocked on his apartment and a girl answered.

“Hello” she says confused. 

“Sorry I must have the wrong apartment. My friend must of moved recently.” I say with my heart breaking knowing the truth.

I hear from behind the door Jake’s voice “your coffee is ready, love” as the girl shuts the door.

I stay stable and walk to the elevator. I wait for it open and I head someone come out of one of the apartments. I try and not look back not wanting to see if it’s Jake. As the elevator door opens I feel someone grab my hand and spin me around and I see Jake. I lose it and break down looking into this his blue eyes that don’t have that love I use to see looking back at me.

“MC please let’s talk” he says

I can’t say anything as i bolt into the elevator “you stay” i manage out between the tears as I make the door close. I fall to the floor and my phone goes off and I see it’s Jake. I toss it in my bag and it breaks my heart.

I knew this was coming, he became distance but I didn’t want to believe it. I walk out and get into the rental car and my phone keeps going off and it’s Jake.

I answer after the 10th call since I told him to stay “Jake I don’t want ot hear it! You made a fool out of me!” I say hanging up not letting him say a word.

I pick up my phone and call Jessy, i know she moved to paris after we managed to find Hannah but I know she comes to visit so I’m hoping that when i told her I was coming here that she was coming.

“Hey girl everything okay? I know you said you just got into Colville today” she says as she answers the phone.

“Jessy” i say bawling my eyes out unable to get out anything more.

“MC what is wrong do i need to get Dan on this chat?” she ask

“No Dan. He’s just going to tell me ‘I told you so’.... I came out here to surprise Jake and try and rekindle because we haven’t seen eachother in 6 months and’ i start having a panic attack.

“Calm down, i just landed coming to Duskwood as well. Send me your location and i’ll come get you in a cab and we can go get coffee”

I send her my location “Jessy….. Its over between me and him and there is nothing to fix anymore’ i say crying again

“I’ll be there right away. Once i get out of the cab i’ll call you again, stay there please.” she says concerned.

We hang up the phone and I lean my head back and close my eyes. I get startled by someone knocking on my window and I open my eyes and see Jake. He has a cup of coffee in his hand and i see the sadness in his eyes. My window is cracked so i don’t get too hot waiting for Jessy 

‘MC can we talk please, i brought you coffee” he says trying to do that smile that melts my heart and he knows it.

“Jake I need some time. I flew out here to try and fix things with you. Only to knock on your door and have another girl answer it.” I say turning on the car and shutting the window as I put the music on and the song “Flower” By Lauren Spencer Smith plays and I just start balling my eyes again.

Jake tries to open my door but its locked and my phone goes off. 

“I’m in the parking garage, first floor, red BMW. Heads up he’s standing outside my driver door” i say as i answer wiping the tears away from my eyes.

“Oh he better leave before i lose it on him!” she yells into the phone and I can tell she’s angry.

All of a sudden, i see Jake get pushed back from the car by a female and i notice the red hair. I can’t help but laugh because that’s my best friend.

“Dan and I warned you what would happen Jake!” she angrily yells  in his face. “You thought we were joking but I already told Dan what she told me! How the hell could you cheat on her when all she wanted was to be with you!?”

She goes to open the  back doordoor and realizes it locked. I undo it knowing he’s not going to try anything and i was wrong. As jessy is putting her luggage in the backseat with mine, he opens the drivers door and crouchs down so he’s at my level. I turn my head away from him in pure disgust of him.

“MC, please we need to talk about this” he says, starting to reach out but stops.

“Just leave her alone, she doesn’t want to even look at you, Jake” says Jessy as I climb into the passager seat in the front seat unable to drive at this moment and just wanting away from him.

“Jessica, just let her tell me this herself.” he says

“I told you fucking stay! I walked away from you crying because it’s over. You hurt me Jake and I can’t keep doing this.” i say looking into his eyes as i start crying again but so flustered with myself and him for not seeing the signs before this trip.

He stands up “fine but i eventually do want to talk to you about everything’ he says as he steps away from the car.

Jessy gets in the car and i get out. I look at Jessy, give me a few moments I need to say some things to him” i say walking around the front of the car and away from it and he follows me.

He leans against the wall and reaches for my hand but I cross my arms. “I need to say something and then I’m walking away before i say or do something I regret right now” I say with tears still in my eyes.

“Okay, i understand.” he says and i see the hurt in his eyes.

“I helped you become a free man from running.” as tears run down my face.  “You took me over to your house to meet your family, even your MOM! You introduce me to them, saying that you’d marry me. Then you looked me in the eyes after we left and say ‘It was just a joke’. You kiss me and I’d smile, did you even know? When you’d say that kind of thing, I’d be excited. You got me hoping one day you would mean it.” as i feel my heart rate increase. “I always thought I’d only make a fool of someone else. Now you have only gone and made me make one of myself. We’d fight and you'd send flowers but i guess they aren’t just used for big apologies.” my hands start to shake. “I guess I should’ve been more conscious of how you spoke to me, trying to control me. When we would fight you’d give me space and not communicate and for a while I thought that’s what i should appreciate.” Blaming myself for not seeing this sooner. “Maybe I was holding onto what I thought you were, but when you think too hard, eventually it starts to hurt. The version of you in my head, now I know it wasn’t true. Young people fall for the wrong people, I guess my one was you.” as I say this I walk away. Not giving Jake a chance to say anything as I get back in the car and Jessy pulls out and i see him in the side mirror standing there watching the car leave.

Jakes POV

[arianaagreyy]

I Love You || James Potter

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

Words: 2096 words

Warning: Fluff, Insecurity, Emotional talk, Panic attack

___________________________________________________________

Y/N was the talk of Hogwarts. Intelligent, Sarcastic, Funny, Athletic but most of all, beautiful inside and out. The kindest soul to walk the grounds of Hogwarts. Kind to the Slytherins that bullied her, kind to the children who adored her.

It was no secret that James Potter was absolutely head over heels in love with his amazing girlfriend. Both of them were the ideal couple. Quidditch players, smart students, attractive looks. Girls envied Y/N whereas boys envied James and he liked showing you off as well.

But despite being loved by boys and girls alike, Y/N always had trouble fitting in. The day she transferred from Durmstrang to Hogwarts, she was terrified of how she'll fit in. She was on the verge of a panic attack when a red-head girl had so kindly offered her a hand to show around the castle, thus starting the friendship between Lily Evans and Y/N Y/L/N.

Now, with her friends, Y/N, Lily, Marlene and Dorcas entered the Potions classroom, tired because of laughing so hard from all the way from the Gryffindor dormitory to the Dungeons.

"Welcome ladies. So very kind of you to grace us with your presence", Professor Slughorn's voice seized their noise of laughter. Slughorn had a very sour expression on his face whereas two rows away, James Potter was looking at his girlfriend in awe.

The way her deep blue eyes were glistening in the light and shiny from laughing so hard, the way her lips formed the most beautiful smile James had ever seen in his life, the way her Y/H/C hair framed her perfectly carved face. He was so in love with her.

His thoughts were interrupted by a paper plane hitting the back of his head and falling on the table. He lifted the paper to open it.

Whipped. -Signed Moony, Padfoot and Wormtail.

He turned back to see the three boys trying to muffle the sound of their laughter by putting their hands on their mouths. James rolled his eyes and mouthed "Fuck off".

"We're sorry Professor. It won't happen again", her beautiful voice spoke. James looked around the class to see the boys looking at her with such admiration, It made him want to hex them all into the next century. Only he could see his Y/N with those eyes.

At the same time, James looked back at her just to see she was looking back at him with a smile so warm, it almost melted him.

"It shouldn't happen again. Now get inside. We already lost a lot of time", Slughorn rushed the girls into the class. All of them took their places next to their respective partners, Y/N being paired with Lucius Malfoy whereas James was stuck with Snape who, once in a while looked at him, rolled his eyes and went back to doing what he previously was.

James glanced over Y/N's direction to see Lucius Malfoy laughing silently on something Y/N said, a smile on her face as well. She was too good to people, even if they were undeserving of her kindness.

As time went by, James started getting more aware of the laughing noises coming from where his girlfriend was sitting. There were many thoughts running through his mind.

What if she thinks I'm not good enough.

What if she's not happy with me.

They both look so happy.

She has the ability to see the goodness in even the darkest of souls.

What if I'm not enough for her.

Consumed by his thoughts, he was at the verge of a panic attack when Professor Slughorn announced that the class was dismissed. James quickly picked up his books in one hand, slung his bag over his shoulder and bolted out of the classroom, not even sparing a glance towards Y/N, who was looking at James with concerned eyes.

Y/N sensed something was wrong so she very politely excused herself from Lucius, packed her stuff and ran off to the direction James did.

They had been together for nearly a year now but neither of them had told the other that they were completely and utterly in love with them. Y/N decided to tell him today. Now.

She had been building up her confidence to say this to him for a while now and that's what she was discussing with the girls earlier in the day until Marlene had changed the topic into something too hilarious.

She climbed the stairs that led to the Gryffindor Common Room, hoping she would find James there. She entered the Common Room to hear the sound of heavy breathing alongside muffled sobs coming from the boys' dormitory.

A lump formed in her throat as she slowly made her way towards the source of the sound. She opened the Marauders' room to find James sitting in a corner of the room with his knees scrunched up to his stomach, elbows on his knees and hands in his hair. He was shaking violently from the pressure of his sobs.

Y/N stood there trying to absorb the situation. Her strong, smart, funny boyfriend was sitting in a secluded corner of a room crying because of God knows what.

She slowly took steps towards him and fell on her knees in front of him. He somehow felt her presence as he stopped shaking and tried wiping away his tears but Y/N stopped his hand from reaching his face.

"You should be in class Y/N", he said, his voice raspy from crying so badly. Y/N's heart broke at the sight in front of her. He didn't lift up his head as he talked to her.

"And you should be dropping me to class", she spoke in a calming voice, trying to soothe him. Whenever she talked in this manner, James' nerves always calmed down but somehow this time, they only grew. His breathing started getting heavy again but he refused to look in her direction.

He knew he was over-thinking. He also talked to girls but Y/N never reacted in this way whereas when Y/N talked to any guy, he would start feeling this indescribable feeling to break that guy's face.

Y/N detected his heavy breathing and placed her hand on his bicep. James felt her soothing touch and his breathing returned to normal. Y/N then placed her hand on his already messy hair and started massaging his head, something she knew James liked.

He looked up to see her eyes full of concern and tears at the brims of them. As soon as Y/N looked into his eyes, a tear escaped her eye. His hazel eyes didn't have that mischievous glint in them; they had a broken look in them, like he lost something very dear to him.

James' hand was quick to wipe away the tear that left Y/N's eye. She looked so concerned for him. Just for him.

"James what's wrong?" she asked, her voice so calm, so enchanting.

"Is everything ok? Are Mia and Monty ok? Did something happened to Sirius? Are you hurt?" she bombarded him with concerning questions.

He shook his head as an indication that nothing of that sort happened. Her eyebrows furrowed as she spoke in a low voice:

"Did I do something wrong? I messed up. Didn't I?"

James quickly stood up on his feet, ears ringing from anger. How could she think that she did something to sadden him. She's perfect in every way. A perfect friend, a perfect girlfriend, a perfect daughter.

Y/N also stood up quickly, her hand falling from James' head.

"HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT?" he practically screamed at her.

"HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT YOU DID SOMETHING THAT COULD EVER SADDEN ME?"

By now he had lost all his senses. Nothing mattered more to him that his Y/N. His.

"You're the reason I smile everyday. You are the reason I wake up everyday. Just to look at you. You bring joy in my life, happiness that I never knew existed. Everything you do is so bloody perfect. You are so perfect", he spoke in a hushed voice but loud enough for Y/N to hear.

"And I can't even begin to thank you for all that you've done to me, for me. But me? What did I do to you besides showing you public affection? I never talked to you in class. I didn't buy gifts for you. I didn't stand up for you in class. I don't deserve you", he spoke, his eyes no longer connected to Y/N's.

She looked at the boy standing in front of him. That confident, arrogant toe-rag who looked so vulnerable right now.

"I see how the other boys look at you. With such admiration in their eyes. Whenever I find them staring at you, it just makes me feel as if I'm not good enough for you. I'll never be able to-"

He was cut off by Y/N throwing a pillow at his face. He finally looked up to see her face stained with tears, similar as his. Her eyes weren't glistening with happiness, they were glistening with sadness. Sadness that he could think he's not good enough for her.

"WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?" It was her turn to scream now.

"WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME", she shouted, tears falling from her eyes.

James was staring at Y/N with wide eyes. She was such a calm-spoken person and hearing her shout was new. But some part of him calmed down hearing her defend him.

"James, none of those boys were there for me when I needed help, none of them comforted me after my nightmares, none of them helped me catch up to my studies, none of them defended me from bullies. It was you. It was you all along", she said in a calm voice yet tears were still silently flowing from her eyes.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me James Potter. I don't care how those boys look at me. I care about how YOU look at me. You make me strong Potter. You make me happy", she said with a smile. I teary smile made its way to James' face as well.

"And I have absolutely no idea why you're so insecure about yourself because-", she stopped and took a deep breath.

"Because I love you James Potter. And even if I have to remind you that, I'll do it every single day, I will. Because I'll go any lengths just to be with you", she ended with a sniff.

James stood frozen, staring at her. Looking into her eyes.

Love.

He saw love in her eyes. Love for him. Not Lucius, not anybody. Him.

Before he knew it, he was taking fast steps towards her and slammed his lips to hers. This felt right. It felt as though they were home. In each other's arms. A comfortable warmth spread through their bodies as they held each other close with an intention of never letting go. Y/N was his drug and he gladly surrendered to her.

They broke apart with a smile etched on both of their faces.

"I love you Y/N. I love you more than myself", he said, sincerity in his voice.

"I know. I'm just too irresistible", she said, flipping her hair off her shoulder and looking at James with a smile that he wished he he could see everyday.

James pulled her into a comfortable embrace. Her hands rested on his neck and his on her waist, pulling her close. He dug his face into the crook of her neck.

"I'm never letting you go Mrs. Potter", his voice came out muffled. She let out a small chuckle which made blood rise to James' cheeks.

Suddenly, she pulled apart and looked at him with a glint in her eyes that meant trouble.

"Did you get jealous because I was talking to Lucius earlier?", she asked with a raised eyebrow. James didn't reply, just looked down, his face getting redder. she let out a laugh.

"Oh my god. I absolutely have to tell Pads and Moony you got jealous of Lucius", she shouted as she darted towards the exit, looking at James one more time before winking at him and left.

Too surprised to do anything, he let out a laugh of his own. A laugh of happiness, a laugh of love.

[hotwings0203]

Based on a conversation I was having with @anima197

Imagine husband Dabi, scumbag as usual adapting as a newlywed to you

It’s been around a month of you two moving in a small but nice house that his parents bought for you. He’s always been an asshole by personality, but one day he goes too far.

Maybe it’s something he said in a cruel jest to see you rise to the bait, or maybe he touched you in a way that was more than offensive or hurtful. Either way, you finally snap- except, you don’t combust and break down quietly, you turn cold as stone.

You set your jaw, keep your eyes cool and indifferent as you skirt around him when he walks by. He doesn’t know that he’s upset you because you usually brush his tactics off with an eye roll or a pout. He’s never seen you like this, completely ignoring him and barely acknowledging his existence while he tries to get you bothered.

He tries pushing you against a wall to make you flustered, but it doesn’t work. You will your body to become limp and unresponsive as he snarls into your neck and litters it with hickies, desperately trying to pull some sort of sound of either pleasure or pain from you. It doesn’t matter how his hands dance around your tits and between your legs, you just stare ahead past him, your mouth set in a straight line.

He draws back uncertainly at your lack of response, and his heart drops to his stomach when he doesn’t even see tears in your eyes from overstimulation, like you usually do when he attacks you like this.

Before he can even open his mouth you’re already gently pushing past him, and it’s the fact that you’re not even angry or shoving him that makes panic settle on his heart.

This…this indifference, this feeling as if he doesn’t mean anything to you breaks his cocky attitude .

At first he tries to refute the feeling, he merely trails behind you from room to room picking up random objects and pretending that he’s actually doing something apart from eyeing you and assessing your demeanor.

You don’t pay any attention to him. You open your laptop and absentmindedly hum as you begin working on whatever class or job you have. He stands at the entrance, fiddling with a vase and looking at you from the corner of your eye.

“Did you eat yet?” He says in his hoarse voice, almost embarrassed to talk to you after his earlier libido was met with no reaction at all.

Silence.

He sighs frustratedly and runs a hand through his ivory hair. Turning on his heel, he storms out of the room and mindlessly goes to the kitchen, making as big as a racket as possible in hopes of luring you out of your catatonic state to yell at him for being too loud.

He eats alone, in silence.

He doesn’t finish his crappy sandwich, fuming at the bland bread that substitutes for the plentiful food you always make for him.

It’s almost evening now, and you haven’t come out of your room yet to even use the restroom. He’s getting worried now, you’ve never been so quiet before. You’ve at least been fed in the face, a finger pointed at his chest as you yell at him for how he fucked up. So why can’t you do that now? At least he’ll know what to apologize for, dammit! Why does he have to wring it out of you?

He decides a different tactic now.

Hed bully your emotions out of you, one way or another.

You’re about to change your clothes when he walks in for the umpteenth time. You don’t lift your head when he slams the door open and closes it behind him, a dangerous glint in his eyes.

“Why are you being such a bitch today?”

After a few beats of silence, he barrels towards you while you shrug on your nightie. He grabs your face towards him and knocks on your forehead harshly.

“Hello? Anyone in there?” He shakes your head lightly.

You look at his collarbones and then gently pull your face away, heading off to the bathroom to brush your teeth.

Dabi stares at you in shock, his ha da still suspended in midair. Did he really mess up that badly?

The panic in his heart has risen to his throat, and he feels like he can’t breathe.

He’s 13 years old again

His father is ignoring him

He messed up, he didn’t train well enough today

In the process of trying to be better than everyone else he had effectively isolated himself again

He’s practically invisible because he fucked up so bad

He stumbles back out of the room and falls onto the couch, clutching his hair and panting with wide eyes into a pillow. It takes him a couple of minutes to tone down his impending panic attack

By the time he has enough nerve to get into bed with you, the lights are already off and you’re seemingly fast asleep.

Dabi quietly trudges over to the side of the bed and stands over your sleeping figure.

You look so peaceful right now without any part of him to bother you. He wonders if you’re better off without him.

He slowly crawls under the sheets with you and faces your back. He knows you need space but he can’t help it when his arms move around you to hold you tight against him.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did to make you this upset, but I know I fucked up. Please just-“

His voice catches in his throat, and at this you crack an eye open, making sure to keep your breathing deep and level.

“Just tell me what I did. Or at least just forgive me for whatever I did…I miss you.” He whispers this last part and buried his head in your hair, taking deep breaths and inhaling your scent. It makes his aching heart beat a little slower.

You don’t say anything, but after a full minute of silence you slowly turn to face him. He unconsciously grips your body harder against him as if he were afraid you’re going to push him away again.

But instead to his amazement, you have both eyes open and trained on him. He knows to keep his mouth shut when you prop your head up on one hand and frown slightly at him.

“You’ve been on my nerves for the past week now. Every time I try to talk you either cut me off or just shut me up with sex. You never clean up after yourself and laugh it off when I actually ask you to do something.”

He swallows hard and waits with bated breath for you to finish.

“You literally hounded me down for almost years to get married, and only a month after we actually get together you start acting out.”

You stare at him and he knows he can talk now.

“I’m…sorry. I’ll try to be, uh, better.” He finished lamely, and he cringes when he realized how pathetic his apology was.

But much to his surprise, a small little smile forms at your lips. Compared to how he never even acknowledged how big of an ass he usually is, this was a huge step in your relationship with him.

“Yeah, we’ll see. You better be on your best behavior for a while now.” And with that, you turn over and flop down into the plushy comforter.

Dabi let’s put a breath he didn’t know he was holding, the weight on his chest being lifted.

“So, uh…can I still like, touch..you?” He trails off, and you’re glad he can’t see the 50k watt smile on your face when he shifts uncomfortably.

“If you make it up to me, maybe.”

Dabi grins too.

“I don’t think you’ll ever have a problem with that.”

[just-my-fandom]

Heartache (Shouta Aizawa x Pro-Hero! Reader)

A/N: Ooo-kay, finally back from my month long, needed break from writing. I’m kinda attached to MHA at the moment, so that is what I am taking requests for.

Summary; The two times where two of UAs teachers nearly lose their lives to protect their students, mindful of the child they have at home.

Request; Can we have some pro hero love where reader (pro hero) and Mr. Aizawa have a daughter and Thirteen who is readers best friend is said daughters god mom while Present Mic is the god dad plz

Akari- Japanese name meaning “Light”. Readers quirk is the ability to send large waves of energy a selective distance, and shield herself with said energy.

Two months prior- U.A.

“Alright, everyone,”

Shouta Aizawa seemed well too calm this early morning. Too calm despite the fact that he is holding a child on his hip, who looked all too like him.

“Today’s lesson is simple. Based on communication,” He starts, “Communication when it comes to citizens. This lesson will teach you how to comfort an injured or scared citizen during an attack, specifically women and children,”

“Uh, Mr. Aizawa?” Denki Kaminari was first to speak up, hand half raised in confusion, “Why do you have a baby?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Mina leans forward, eyes wide and gleaming happily, “That’s Mr. Aizawas and Neutron Shields baby! She looks just like him,”

“Lets not jump to conclusions,” Shouta hums, but the barely visible smirk on his lips lets his class know that the toddler is, indeed, his own, “I brought Akari here today for the lesson that will be taught. You will all need to learn and know how to comfort a child during an attack if the child has been separated from its parents,”

“Only, however,” Shoutas eyebrow raise causes his students to watch as his daughter leaned against his shoulder and glanced outward to the class, “Akari does have a quirk. It is similar to her mother’s, as Mina predicted, Neutron Shields. Meaning if she were to get defensive, you would have to calm the child from harming herself more, or you,”

“So we’re fighting a little brat,” Bakugou mumbles, rolling his eyes so when he looked back up to his teacher, said mans hair had raised and his eyes glowed red,

“Insult my daughter again,” Shouta threatens, instantly dropping his intimidating act when Akaris hand reaches up to pat his face. With a deep sigh, Shouta looks away from his daughter to his students, “No. Youre not fighting her. Simply consult her into comfort so she knows you’re not a threat. Akaris been taught how to control her quirk on demand,”

Lowering the toddler onto the floor, Shouta steps back as soon as his daughter began to tear up, twisting to reach for her father with quiet sniffles.

“Well?” Shouta eyes the students, when Akari hiccups and looks back to the teenagers, “She’s distressed,”

“I got this,” Kirishima is first to push out of his desk, hands out and steps slow as he approached the child, “Hey, Akari, it’s okay,”

Akari is swift to shake her head and twist her upper body away from the red head. On cue, a purple bubble surrounds herself, Bakugous brows pinching as Dekis mouth dropped, hand reaching over to pat Todorokis shoulder in amazement.

The bubble then expands to hit Kirishima and throw him off his feet, landing hard on his back so Akari blinked and giggled, loudly, the bubble then vanishing.

“Me next!” Mina exclaims, Akaris eyes flicking from the red head and to the pink skinned girl, who knelt down next to Kirishima and opened-closed her hands.

Hesitantly, Akami leant forward onto her hands and knees, ready to crawl up to the girl, but instead blinked so a bubble formed around Mina, the bubble suddenly shrinking so Mina shrieked and pressed her hands to the sides in an attempt to stop the shied like bubble from crushing her.

“Akari,” Shouta speaks up, his daughter blinking so the bubble vanished, her eyes shifting to her father before looking back to the class, Mina exhaling in relief and backing away.

“Come on, shit for brains,” Bakugou scoffs, standing to his feet so Akari stared at him, “We’ve trained with Neutron Shield before. The brats no different,”

“Akari is a child,” Todoroki reminds, on his own feet and stepping forward so Akari instantly reached up, the fire and ice powered male pausing to stare at her.

Her whine when he makes no move to pick her up causes him to do so, Shouta smirking as Akari stared at Bakugou and stuck her thumb into her mouth.

“It seems she has a favorite,”

USJ Training Facility

You weren’t sure what happened. As soon as you were in line of view, two of Shoutas students- Uraraka and Ashido- immediately began to panic from where they knelt down next to Thirteens collapsed figure.

“Mrs. Aizawa!” Mina cries, tears in her eyes as her hand rests on Thirteens shoulder, “Thirteen- she took a hit-!”

You are quick to move next to Ochaco, hand opposite of Minas so Thirteens head turned and her eyes weakly looked up at you,

“Thirteen,” You call, softly, “Hey. It’s okay,”

“I tried to protect them,” Thirteen murmurs, and you nod, sliding your arms beneath hers to heave her to her feet, Mina and Ochaco quick to stick their hands out in case she fell,

“You did,” You promise, “You did amazing, Thirteen,” Your eyes flick to the class, “Where’s Iida?”

“Getting help,” Mina heaves, shakily, “What- what’s going to happen to Thirteen?”

“Shes going to be okay,” You reassure, and shift Thirteens arm around your shoulders so she fell slump against your side, “I’m going to make sure of that,” Your eyes shift to your best friend, “Do you hear me, Thirteen? Akari needs her godmother in her life,”

“I’ll always be here for that angel,” Thirteen breathily laughs, watching as you looked over in alarm at the sounds of fighting, “Eraserhead. He stayed behind,”

“He can hold his own,” You murmur, but the doubt in your tone causes Thirteen to grasp the back of your suit,

“Go help him,” Thirteen demands, extending her free hand for Mina to drape at her shoulders, “I’ll be fine,”

You hesitantly peel away from the pro-hero, glancing between her and where the fighting could be heard, before you sprint down the steps, looking up in time to see Noumu, Shigarakis weapon, on top of your collapsed husband.

“Hey!” You call, raising your hands so a bubble surrounded you, expanding in a rush to hit Noumu so he stumbled off his feet, a good distance away from Shoutas figure.

Protect him. Protect him now.

With quick steps, you throw out a hand that forms a bright (Favorite/Color) bubble, which you slide under and next to Shoutas collapsed form so the bubble shielded both you and him.

“I always wondered when I would get to fight the famous Eraserhead and Neutron Shield at once,” Shigaraki speaks, your eyes shifting over your shoulder where he stood at one end of your bubble, while Noumu stood opposite of his leader,

“But defeating them both?” Shigaraki chuckles, “A dream come true,”

The first punch Noumu sends against your bubble creates severe damage to your shield. It cracks beneath his fist, giving the monster the confidence he needs to continue punching and clawing at the barrier,

“Mrs. Aizawa can’t take them both- not on her own,” Midoryia heaves from his spot in the water, where he, Mineta, and Asui hid a good distance from the battle.

“She has shields!” Mineta reminds, shivering in a panic, “She’ll be fine!”

“Ribbit, her bubble can only take a certain amount of damage before it breaks,” Asui states, “And the damage her shields take, her body takes,”

Where’s All Might when you need him?

With a weak breath, you slide your hand beneath Shoutas head, resting it in your lap as your muscles screamed for you to drop your shields.

“Honey,” You call, pleadingly, free hand resting over Shoutas chest- thankful to feel a heartbeat, “Baby, wake up. Please,”

Looking up, you watch as the top of your bubble cracks and shrivels in defeat, Noumu stepping back enough for the shield to drop and leave not only you, but now Shouta, vulnerable.

With a startled gasp, you raise your hand as Noumu then lunged at you, the shield only protecting your face, so the punch Noumu sends forces you feet back, tumbling backwards and onto your front, leaving Shouta out in the open yet again.

Fingernails grabbing at dirt, you moan out in pain, forcing your arms to push you to sit up, raising your head in time for Noumus claws to latch at your shoulders, shoving you onto your back, his weight forcing you to gasp for air at the pressure of him on your chest,

Raising a hand that clawed at his arm, you are quick to throw a shied, the edge slicing Noumus face so he only jerked back then growled down at you.

With wide eyes, you look over to Shoutas form, then up, at a distanced- “I am here!”

Noumus weight lifts as he departs, your lungs expanding as you gasped, coughing as you sit up, slowly moving up to Shoutas form.

“Help me get him up,” You demand, when Tsuyu and Mineta rush next to you, “Please,”

“Mrs. Aizawa- you’re bleeding!” Mineta stammers, your hand raising to your mouth where blood dripped.

Shaking your head, you allow All Might to take your hand and help you stand, “I’m not worried about me. Get him out of here,”

Camp Attack

Why were you struggling so hard to fight a girl with a knife? Maybe it was because you just couldn’t stomach the thought that your students- your husband were still somewhere in these woods, being attacked by someone else.

Your breaths are shallow by the time you pull yourself from your thoughts. With a hand grasping Togas wrist that held the knife, your eyes wildly search behind you, landing on two of your students,

“Asui, Uraraka, go,” You heave, grunting when Toga shoves at your front, “Go, now!”

Uraraka gasps in fear when Togas foot skillfully hooks around your ankle, jerking so you fell on your back with a pained grunt. Toga is quick to pin over top of you, knife held against the skin of your neck.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a pro-hero?” Toga grins, voice high as you narrow your eyes and suck in a deep breath through the nose, “You’ve gotten weak after having that stupid baby of yours,”

“Do not ever mention my child,” You heave, raising a hand so a shield formed, that instantly vanished when Togas knife slid across your neck, startling you to gasp in quick breaths,

“Mrs. Aizawa!” The two students shriek, your eyes pinching shut as you form a small bubble around you, successfully pushing Toga off of you so you could sit up and cough, hand covered in dark red blood.

You look over and form a bubble around Asui and Uraraka, looking back up at Toga when she giggles, dragging the blood covered knife across the bubble,

“You think a small bubble can stop me from getting what I want?” With a quick jab, the knife plunges into the bubble so you flinched and raised a hand to your neck.

Vision blurry, you blink, the bubble shattering so Toga giggled and lunges forward, not before a tongue shoots out and wraps around her, tossing her to the side and into a tree nearby,

“Mrs. Aizawa!” Uraraka quickly moves next to you, eyes wide as she watches you slowly lower back onto the dirt in defeat, “Mrs. Aizawa, stay awake!” Uraraka looks to Asui, alarmed to find Toga gone, “Tsu, go get help!”

“Uraraka, Asui!” The two girls look over, to find a group- consisting of Midoryia, Todoroki, Bakugou, Shoji, and Tokoyami- rushing towards them, “Come on! We’re heading back to the Camp!”

“Our pace will be slower with two injuries,” Todoroki states, eyes flicking to Midoryia on Shojis back, before he moves to help lift you up, your arms around his and Urarakas shoulders, “We need to find Mr. Aizawa, first and foremost,”

“They said we can use our powers to defend ourselves, and now we have two injured, one being a teacher,” Shoji states, “So don’t let anyone stop you,”

Present

“You shouldn’t be moving around so much,”

You hum through a light laugh, lifting your head from where you rocked back and forth on your feet, your daughter curled against you.

“I’m not dying, Shouta. I’ll be fine,” You feel Akaris hand graze across the stitches at your neck, as you turn to face your husband.

“That’s nothing to joke about,” Shouta steps up, sliding his hands under Akaris arms to peel her away from you and against his own shoulder,

“Just thought I’d give a little pay back for the heart attack you gave me during the USJ incident,” You shrug, frowning at Shoutas glare, “Okay. Sorry. But honestly, honey, I’m okay. Recovery Girl said I should be fully healed by next week,”

“Until then you should be resting,” You roll your eyes at Shoutas statement, turning to then pluck a shirt from your pile of laundry to fold,

“Take your own advance, honey. You haven’t slept a full night in three weeks,” You turn, hand at your hip, “Why don’t we call Hizashi and let him take Akari for a day or two? Give us time to rest?”

“If you want another kid, just ask,” Shouta smirks, your lips parting as he moves around you, laying Akari in her own bed in the corner,

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,”

“Do I, though?” Shoutas hands rest at your hips, and you smile, hand at his jaw to pull his lips against yours.

“Seriously, though,” You hum, “Hizashi would love to see his god daughter. I promised Thirteen I’d help her with her own recovery,”

“I swear you love Thirteen more than me,”

“Oh, definitely. No questions asked,”

“Fine, go ask her for another kid,”

“Nah, I like my kids to have your attitude,”

“Oh, sure,”

“Really!”

[astaroth1357]

Demon Brothers React to MC Getting Kidnapped by Lesser Demons.

Watch out for minor first half spoilers!!

Lucifer

Kicking himself because he has to find out through Mammon that the MC is missing and he didn’t notice their absence himself.

The second the alarm gets raised he gets into a state somewhere between coldly rational and extraordinarily furious. 

Definitely still level-headed enough to rally and organize his brothers for a search party but there's nothing but seething rage just rolling off of him the entire time. Probably-could-have-made-another-Satan type rage.

How well he keeps his composure will be based entirely on how long the MC is MIA. The first hour or so will be mostly put together but past that he'll start to slowly unravel as the panic takes hold.

At one point he even gets snippy with Diavolo over the phone and that's when you KNOW that he's reaching meltdown mode.

If he's the first to find the MC, his #1 priority is to get them away from whatever scum grabbed them and take them to the closest safe place he can find. He'd scoop them up so fast they won't even know where he came from, just whoosh! How'd I get on this roof??

Only once they're out of harm’s way will he circle back and deal with their kidnappers personally. You better be sure any damage done to his human will be reflected a thousandfold back onto their attackers. Probably coming back to the MC with some blood on him and is not going to care.

Relieved to have the MC back but restricts them from going out alone after a certain time now for their own good. If they need something that badly, they can come to him.

Also strings Mammon up by his toes that night for losing them in the first place.

"By the time Cerberus gets to you, I'll be sure you're only my table scraps…"

Mammon

The first to notice that the MC was being oddly quiet (thank their father for his text spamming habit) then found their stuff scattered and abandoned at RAD.

Told Lucifer right away and, oh boy, he is a mess: talking a mile a minute, punctuating his sentences with expletives, on the verge of tears, whole nine yards.

He left his human alone for what?? Like five minutes, if even, to go to the library and get themselves kidnapped?! What kind of guardian is he?!?

Already searching the place top-to-bottom without being told where to go or what to do.

He actually ends up a strange inverse of Lucifer. While Lucifer will start panicking more over time, Mammon will start panicking less as his fear escalates to all out anger. Give it a few hours and he’s not even going to be able to keep his demon form under control anymore.

You know this boy is legging it across the entire Devildom himself waving around some kind of hand-drawn "Have You Seen This Human?" flyer looking for any leads at all.

If he were to find the MC first, his first action would probably be to plant his foot right in the face of whoever took them. Hard. Then repeat until their skull’s a caved-in mess on floor. No mercy this time, just pure protective rage.

Following the fight, you'd think he was just reunited with his lost puppy. Lots of crying, hugging, and blubbering out apologies even when the rest of his brothers show up.

Would pretty much be glued to the MC's hip for at least a week afterward and makes more of a point to hang off of them in public now. They're his human after all, can't have anyone else getting the idea of pulling a stunt like that again.

"MC!! What'd ya go runnin' off for?? We're goin' home after I take out this trash, got it!!"

Leviathan 

Wouldn't really want to believe it at first because it just feels too unreal, like, the same thing happened to Henry in Episode 86 of TSL when he was kidnapped by enemies of the Lord of Fools and it was up to his true friend to track him down…

Suddenly remembers that Henry was also tortured while he was taken and that really sets in the panic.

Unsure of how to help at first because he knows he's just a useless shut-in but Belphie of all people is the one to remind him that he does have one big advantage over his brothers: a fucking navy.

In an act of surprising backbone, he more or less demands a full fleet of ships from Diavolo and (honestly to his shock) he gets exactly that to comb the Devil’s Sea while looking for MC. Lotan even helps out!

If he were to be the first to find the MC (presuming they are indeed on a boat or something cause 🤷‍♀️) those kidnappers really shouldn't have challenged the third strongest brother in his natural element, eh? Those who aren't automatically lashed in the face or flung overboard by his tail get hung by the leg over the edge of the ship for Lotan to pick off one by one.

Sails back to shore with MC booming with pride that he of all people finally got to be their hero! Will literally be so happy if MC ever brings it up again, doesn't matter how much time has passed.

Things would settle back to normal pretty quickly after that, but he now checks up on the MC a lot more often and will even leave his room for them if they need to go somewhere and don't want to go alone. Can't have this turning into a rerun, you know?

"You hurt my only friend… So drown."

Satan

One guess how the Avatar of Wrath took the news. It's not swimmingly.

Unless your definition of "swimmingly" is a murderous rampage of toppling furniture, breaking windows, and swearing to curse right about anything that moves, in which case aptly put. 

He gets stuck in an anger-induced tantrum for a bit before finally getting snapped back into coherent thought by Belphie and putting those mystery novels of his to good use. Smart boi takes second to Lucifer himself in the search, suggesting good locations for his brothers scout based on what clues they have to go on.

Of course, he's not content to just to call orders from the sidelines and is out searching himself like he's on the goddamn warpath. Doors? Who needs doors? If anything the hole I made in your wall is more efficient.

Should he be the first to find the MC he would coolly and methodically subdue any kidnapper he can get his hands on, release his human, and bring them home as soon as possible. They've been through quite enough today and don't need to see anything he's got planned for the bastards later.

But the second that Diavolo puts them in the castle dungeon, you best bet that Henry 1.0 is going to the LEAST of their worries. Who's ever wanted to play a life or death game of hide and seek with a giant snake and the incarnation of Wrath itself? First one caught gets the "quick" death! Any volunteers?

Might give the MC a mild scolding for going out when they shouldn't have but otherwise is just happy to see them back and safe. May act extra soft towards them for a couple days, just until the nerves of the situation finally wear off.

"Don't mistake this for mercy. I assure you, I don't know the meaning of the word."

Asmodeus

Highkey freaking out, like, almost as hysterical as Mammon when he hears the news. 

Being the Avatar of Lust, he of course knows there's a whole lot of creeps out there in the world and he is utterly terrified that his poor MC has fallen victim to one at that moment.

For once, all thoughts of himself and his looks are out the window. What? It's past 2am and MC is still gone? I can stay up another hour! Dry shampoo and a washcloth counts as a shower, right? Who the fuck cares, where's MC?? Somebody find them already!!

Pools his contact list with Satan's and starts reaching out across the whole Devildom asking for people to be on the lookout and offer tips. Also begs Solomon to use his magic to help in the search (which he's more than happy to do anyway because he cares about the MC too)

If he were to find MC first it'd be one of those rare cases where he'd be seen really truly enraged. No cute banter, no playful flirting, just telling those worthless scum-vats exactly where they belong and exactly how he's going to put them there. Is it any surprise that he's also madsick with a whip?

Crazy relieved that MC is free, but now it's on them to help him clean up and get back to his prettiest self. I mean, he worried himself half to death while they were gone! All this dirt and sweat going to take three, no four, bathes to fully clean off!! Best hop to it~♡

"Touch them one more time and I'm going to set fire to whatever landfill trash like you crawls out of!!"

Beelzebub

It can't be happening. It honestly can't be happening. First he loses Lilith and now MC?? He can't lose two. He. Can't. Lose. Two.

Pretty much the mantra going through his head as he tears the Devildom apart with his bare hands. 

It's 1000x worse than how he gets when he's hungry because at least then he might stop when he finally gets fed. Now it's either find MC or wait until he collapses from exhaustion and hope he doesn’t leave the whole realm a smoldering crater before he gets that far.

There's no reasoning with him either, the best the brothers can do is steer him in a direction and let him loose.

If he found MC first he probably wouldn't even realize it for a bit, he'd just keep attacking whatever or whoever is in front of him on his path of blind destruction. It'd take the MC literally flinging themselves at him or throwing their arms around him to snap him out of it but then it's back to sweetheart Beel.

Hugs ensue. Really tight hugs. Probably a few tears and apologies too (even if it’s not really his fault at all). 

Woe to anyone who tries going for the MC once he’s sure he has them because they WILL be broken then eaten. He’ll encourage his human not to look, but some things just have to be done.

Would absolutely carry MC back home and refuse to put them down until the others force him to. The floor may as well be lava planning on taking them away from him too.

Wouldn't care as much about personal vengeance as his brothers as long as MC is safe. He'll trust that his family will more than punish the kidnappers (though chances are he already took a chunk or two out of a few of them during his rampage anyway).

Protective instincts up by 100 after this, though Belphie usually steps in and eases him back a bit when he's about to get suffocating. MC never travels without a buddy now, ever. He just can't risk it.

"MC, I-I'm sorry… I just couldn’t lose you too…"

Belphegor

Keeps the coolest head of all the brothers on the outside, but there's a cold fury building up in those eyes.

Pretty much takes charge of whipping everyone back into gear with a combination stinging remarks and heavy duty guilt tripping. May not be the nicest method, but it's effective. 

"Asmo, grow a freaking spine and do something useful for a change! Mammon, this your fault to start with so you ought to be breaking your ass to find them! Satan, watching you is getting embarrassing, pull yourself together and think like you're good at it!"

His harshest criticisms get saved for Lucifer (big shock) but he only dishes them out when he sees his older brother really losing his grip or teetering on losing hope. If the “mighty firstborn” can’t keep it together then why should they even listen to him in the first place?

When he's not administering "motivation," he's keeping tabs on Beel's progression through the Devildom and trying to minimize the damage there. He's the only one that can get through to him long enough to change his course if necessary.

If he were to find the MC first, well, unlike Satan he doesn't have the forethought to save the torture for later. It's happening right here, right now, and you better bet that being the last born doesn't stop him from being a force to be reckoned with.

Waits with the MC for his brothers to catch up to them and deal with any stragglers. May cuddle with them and look like he's trying to take a nap in the meantime, but in truth he's still very alert, on edge, and ready to absolutely wreck shit if anything gets too close to them.

Though it doesn't look like his lazy ass goes through the same protective streak as his brothers, he's a lot quicker to try and convince the MC to stay home now. No out and about=less chance of getting nabbed. Plus he keeps his favorite pillow, win-win. 😏

"What about your worthless lives makes you think you deserve my mercy??"

[kai-writes-fan-fiction]

could you write avengers x ocd!reader? 🥺 ty

I’d love to! I feel like OCD is such a stigmatized disorder, and I’ve been diagnosed myself. To make it more inclusive, I’ve done some extra research. This piece includes a few triggers like extreme Germaphobia, panic attacks, sensory symmetry, my safe numbers are anything divisible by five, my favorites are 10. 50, and 100, so for the sake of this sort, those are the numbers I’ll be using.

You were diagnosed with OCD at the age of 12

When you weren’t on your medication, your symptoms were pretty severe

You joined The Avengers at 13, and it’s been 2 years, so you were 15

You’d learned how to cope really well, but your symptoms fluctuated, and were often too much to handle without meds

Only Fury knew, and you asked him to keep it in between the two of you

He obliged, but advised you tell them eventually to prevent incidents

One day, you needed to go get your prescription refilled, but you were below the legal driving age

Instead of risking the reveal of your well guarded secret and asking someone to just take you to the pharmacy, which was, in no way, waking, flying, or running distance from the Compound

You decided to just suffer and get your prescription when you were in the city

You spent the next agonizing days in your room in fear of the rest of The Avengers thinking your routines, counting, taping, and whatnot was you just being a crazy teenager overreacting

Little did you know, all the time you’d been spending in your room was suspicious to the rest of the team and they began hypothesizing whatever you were doing in there for such a long amount of time

“I bet you she isn’t even in there!” -Sam

“She could be on her period or something.” -Tony

“Ew!” -Peter

“First of all, Tony, that’s inappropriate, secondly, Peter, don’t be immature it’s natural, thirdly, I’m with Sam she could be on one of her “teenage escapades”!” -Natasha

“What’re we taking about?” -Steve

“We’re trying to come up with reasons (Y/N) hasn’t left her room in a few days.” -Bucky

“Oh, my money’s on her being on her period.” -Steve

“EXACTLY.” -Tony

“S T E V E, NO.” -Natasha

“Instead of thinking about what she’s doing, why doesn’t someone check on her?” -Bruce

“Great. Thanks for volunteering Bruce!” -Tony

“But I didn’t-“ -Bruce

“I’ll go. I’m her favorite.” -Peter

“Only because you’re her age, spiderling.” -Tony

Peter went to your room, you didn’t respond, still worried about their judgement

“(Y/N), could you please let me in? I’m worried about you. Are you ok?” -Peter

On the verge of a panic attack “I’m ok! Please go away!” -you

“Ok, but can you come out later today? Please?”

“I’ll think about it.”

You were left alone until dinner

“(Y/N)! Dinner! I’ve got your favorite! If you come out you can have some!” -Bucky

Feeling better you decided to come out, as your symptoms had calmed down

You came and ate with the team, and they could tell your behavior was different

You washed your plate and silverware 5 times before you served yourself

You were counting things, and trying to tap things inconspicuously, which wasn’t working

You looked really grossed out when Sam sneezed and when Peter double-dipped the salsa (If you double-dip, and it isn’t your personal sauce/salsa/guacamole/etc. ew what’re you doing)

Natasha finally decided to break the tension

“(Y/N), why have you been in your room all week? Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“Then why were you in your room? I bet on it being your period.” -Tony

“Dude, seriously? I wasn’t on my period. I’m fine.” -you snapped

“Are you sure?” -Steve

“I’m sure. Thanks for dinner.”

You went back to your room, and you already felt yourself getting riled up again. This was going to be a very long night

“She’s not ok.” -Peter

“Yeah, no duh. I’ll go check on her.” -Steve

Steve straight up walked into your room and found you in the middle of your bedtime routine

“Ever heard of privacy?” -you

“Nope. What’re you doing? And seriously, are you ok?” -Steve

He had good intentions, and you were done with the “I’m emotionally stable” charade, so you told the truth

He looked confused, and you immediately regretted E V E R Y T H I N G

“We can refill it tomorrow, I’ll drive you. You should’ve told us! We care about you and we wanna know what’s going on in your life. How about you tell the rest of the team?” -Steve

“Ughhhh fine.” -you

You told the rest of the team, and you watched as they exchanged money. Had they been betting on what you were doing?

“You guys are stupid.” -you

“We know.” -Sam

“Shut up Sam. You don’t need to hide stuff from us (Y/N).” -Natasha

“Yeah, I know, but I didn’t want you guys to think I’m crazy or just being a moody teenager or something.”

“Hey, having OCD doesn’t make you crazy! If you ever need anyone to talk to, we’re always here.” -Tony

“Thanks guys. I’m going to bed now though. Nighhhttt.”

You left all of them in the common room, and you went to bed

You were thankful for their kind words and happy you could go get a refill

They always checked on you when you were feeling anxious

They could somehow tell when something that wasn’t OCD friendly was bothering you, and it was always fixed

BONUS YAYYYYAYAYAYAY

“So that was unexpected.” -Loki

“When in the hell did you get here?!?” -Steve

“Been here the whole time. Night!” -Loki

“Man that was a lot though.” Strange

“When did YOU get here?!?” -Steve

“20 minutes ago. Anyway, goodnight.” -Strange

“Ok, who else is here that wasn’t here for dinner?” -Steve

“Me!” -Zemo

“YOU’RE IN PRISON WHAT?!?”

Shoot this kinda turned into a story sorry guys