#I might start taking my iPad to work again to try working on stuff on breaks but ehhrjjdkskkxns don’t think it’d help

[vepppy]

struggling so bad trying to balance work and my WIPs rn its frustrating

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

one week into my 15-week busy period, 14 to go! i say 15 because that gets me to christmas - i always take christmas to new year’s off, not that people usually want tutoring that week anyway - but in reality some of my current 11 students will drop as early as late october (the SHSAT only kid) or early november (the younger kid whose parents are hoping to get it over with), and once december hits the load will lighten week by week. i am very busy due to my unfortunate sudden pressing need to start digitizing my materials, which tragically really does make everything so much better although also has made me realize i probably should invest in an ipad without a cracked screen sooner rather than later, and also because my other freelance gig is in the last legs of its current project and i’m not quite sure when it will start up again, so i’m trying to get a few more hours on that while i can in the remaining time available. including time spent highlighting pdfs on my ipad while catching up on industry, i worked a little over 42 hours this week, which i recognize is normal as a workload but is a lot for me at this stage of my life, lmao (and also, in fairness to me, does not include things like time spent commuting from session to session excluding any time spent working on the train, even though if i had a workday for a Job that started in one place and ended somewhere else i would consider that all part of how much i worked).

i’m a lot less stressed than i was this time last year, partly because i’ve figured out my workflow better, partly because last year i was really trying to second-gig myself out of a tight financial spot which is not the case this year (unless i have really miscalculated things tax-wise… but like i’m pretty sure. lol). in theory i really want to get to being like a week ahead in terms of prep work (the dream is to prep for the next session with a kid the day after i meet them), but in practice it is sunday night and i am going to bed not prepped for monday’s sessions, so… we’ll see. i am sort of cheerfully ignoring most things that are not work but i did have a nice lunch with a friend this week & a nice afternoon at home yesterday & i did work out 5x this week. (i decided to try out a schedule where my fitfluencer of choice’s programmed rest days fall on fridays and sundays and so far it works psychologically very well for me…) a while ago i cleaned my room when it seemed very messy and it only took me about a half hour and i was heartened by that since it seemed like i have enough of a System for stuff now that even the messiest option is really not so bad and thought i might use that as motivation to clean my room more often since it probably won’t really take that long but instead i have mostly used it to feel more peaceful with how messy my room is lol.

[skaiind]

A lot of your work has really inspired me to take a shot at making comics. I know it's a lot to ask but I was wondering how to go about the process. Do you write and refine scripts before illustrating pages or do you just have a general plot in mind? Big fan of your work, your artstyle is magnificent.

first of all, that's amazing! comics are one of the best ways to learn art, because they challenge every aspect of your skill, it can be frustrating, but very very rewarding and worth it! and i am deeply moved that my work has inspired you to do so! thank you very much!!

my process has several steps, an each one sort of refines the last one as i revisit the same page over and over (which is great because i look at it with fresh eyes and manage to make it even better!!) but it turned out long, so get comfortable:

first i write a rough draft, trying to write as fast as possible with no stopping as much as i can, just so you can get the story (chapter) out. once the whole thing is finished, i edit it to make more sense! fix any mistakes, format it sort of like a script and also i try to be as descriptive as possible when explaining a scene - not just the vibes of it but i try to write out what i want the panels to look like or have, what POV or angle they're in, what details should be visible, describe the page design alltogether, etc. for the scripts i use notion.to because it was the most comfortable to organise all the chapters and notes and stuff in one place!

once the script is completed, i plan out the panels - that means i get a bunch of sketch paper (a3) and one by one as i reread the script, i draw out the panels and use little post its to shortly describe what should be in each panel (ex.: wide view of room, Michael in middle looking angrily at the clipboard). during this i also can edit the script a bit again, as with fresh eyes maybe i managed to think of something BETTER for the scene. i usually plan out about 15-20 pages in one sitting this way, because it's mostly just drawing rectangles and visualising the page in your head.

then we move on to ACTUALLY SKETCHING inside those panels, and with this i start from backgrounds first, then characters, then added details. at first i used just the red lead pencils, but then i began adding different colours like layers for the beforementioned categories. and when doing this i try to do as many pages as possible in one sitting, because the first page always comes out wonky, but then you get the flow of the story going and it gets easier (also good practice!!) and again, here i can refine the script, because maybe the post it i placed earlier doesn't make as much sense anymore and the scene might look different. so i sketch it how i think is best at the moment. i try to be as clear as possible, so the lining process later doesn't frustrate me too much.

now it's time to scan everthing and because i have a smaller scanner that means i must do it twice for each page. that's okay though because at least it comes out high quality when i photomerge them on photoshop later on. i apply autocontrast+autocolor to the picture, and the page looks more legible, and then transfer some to procreate on my ipad.

then you test out what lines/brush look best, and once you've got a chosen one - you LINE IT. Starting with defining the panels better, so they're not wiggly unless they look better that way. i again start from backgrounds because they're tedious and hard, then the characters, add some more details and then the speech bubbles. each on a separate layer so i can edit each one later if needed.

then all that's left is shading everything and exporting that bad boy out into the world!

what is common in most of these stages, is that i keep editing as i go. when i think of how i want the panels to look, i try to imagine it not just as a comic panel but like a scene in a movie (if specifically - horror movies and other times a one-camera comedy tv-shows or just a combination of both) and that really helps me visualize the panel.

another thing to keep in mind when writing a bigger/longer story is to know where it's going or at least what are you trying to show through it, but even that isn't necessary because in comics you can just keep exploring an idea or a concept without going really anywhere and it can still end up being amazing.

in the end you must remember that the comic you're making for YOU first and audience second. because when you start thinking about what other people will think, it'll become frustrating very fast and lose the fun. an creating comics is already frustrating in on itself, there's no need to bring in any more to it.

i hope you will make comics! i hope they will be fun for you and i'm very happy you want to put out more of this fantastic media into the world!

i also hope the long answer helped :))

[therealwondermundo]

my origin story back to art

My childhood was ROUGH and my 20s were a wild ride, but I’m ok now. I have had a successful career, own a home, and have an amazing 9 year old. I do okay for myself. ✨

I thought I had achieved my “dream,” but I still hated myself. I still suffered from what I thought was just high functioning depression and anxiety. I felt awful for feeling awful and constantly had/have to fight off thoughts that tell me I am a loser, lazy, and should just die.

In 2021, I started seeing a trauma informed therapist in early March and learned about structural disassociation. Dissociation is a spectrum that can go all the way from daydreaming to dissociative identity disorder.

I fall somewhere in between there, but I honestly didn’t believe I could have some form of structural dissociation.

I doubted the severity of what happened to me and saw myself as resilient for not letting it get me down.

But the reality is that if I actually remembered the traumatic nature of those memories fully, I wouldn’t be able to function.

The way I survived was by my brain taking those things and finding a way to tell itself that it was no big deal, because the alternative would have left me paralyzed and at risk of being hurt worse.

“Having structural dissociation means we are split into different parts, each with a different personality, feelings, and behavior. As a result, we feel completely different from moment to moment. One moment we feel strong and happy, the next moment we feel empty and numb, then we feel rage. It might all happen suddenly without an apparent trigger.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-emotional-intensity/201907/do-you-have-normal-part-and-traumatized-part

My stubborn self still couldn’t/wouldn’t believe it. I was convinced my new therapist was wrong, I wasn’t traumatized, I just had depression, and was lazy.

What happened next?

I told myself that if I really did have other parts to prove it, show itself. I told it to do something only I/we would know. None of this “move my left arm” stuff. I felt like I needed proof.

A few days later, I was coloring with my son and I turned the page over when I finished the sheet. I just started drawing lines.

Drawing lines quickly turned into me drawing a face, which suddenly led to me quickly remembering how I used to draw this face ALL THE TIME when I was a teenager.

I sat there in awe, trying to keep my composure as I was filled with tears of joy and sadness. I told it I missed it, but that wasn’t all I remembered.

It’s a weird feeling to miss yourself and to receive a flood of memories, years memories and insights.

Yes, I had turned my passion into a career, but I lost my passion somewhere in there and forgot why I created in the first place.

1️⃣ I remembered how I used to make a ton of cool analog collages.

2️⃣ I started drawing and getting better at it, quickly.

3️⃣I realized how I had grown my design skills since I first started teaching myself html and graphic design in the late ’90s. But I never applied my skills to personal work since they’d grown.

4️⃣ I decided to apply what I learned + my ❤️ of collages and digital art into making again, starting with digital collages.

5️⃣ A few people saw my art and said I should make NFTs if I wasn’t already. I asked an NFT was and found an amazing community.

6️⃣ I began to learn more about digital art outside of work through the community and got an iPad and Apple Pencil. That completely changed the way I create art and helped me get outside of Adobe, which I associated with my career.

There is still a long ways to go with my journey and not sure it will ever end, but I know that the only way through it is with mindfulness and art.

[sds-mod]

Hi i follow ur mademoisemuder tumblr account and I really like how smooth your lineart is especially the black & white manga style and regular linework.would you be willing to share your brushes or brush settings? A photo works to. I use clip studio & I’ve been dying to draw smooth lineart like you do! And your knife girl oc, to die for! A friend said she uses a brush size of around 6-7 with no taper and adjusts her pen pressure settings, dunno how she does it, how is your brushes settings like? I’m a iPad person and I recently got a screen moniter but it’s a whole different experience switching from procreate iPad to PC. Please share your ways por favor , -art anon

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

I use Clip Studio too! I use it on PC with a tablet (regular, not screen), so idk how well my settings will translate for you but I'm happy to share regardless!!

First of all, and importantly: a lot of it is muscle memory and training that comes naturally as you continuously do lineart. With time, you'll notice that the bigger swoops and long lines/curves that form a smooth line will start to come more naturally to you simply because your hands get used to the motion and you don't have to actively think about it anymore. Hands are cool like that.

(but also sometimes a stroke just takes 15 attempts regardless. Strg+Z is your best friend.)

As for the brushes I use, I'll put them under a readmore (got a bit lengthy)

First, for a rough reference/guide regarding the brush sizes, I usually sketch on the base A4 layout with 300 dpi, but I sketch small and not page-filling. Here's a thumbnail so you get a rough feel for their size on an A4 page.

Also I recently adjusted my pen pressure settings a little (under File - Pen Pressure Settings) so it now looks like this, but it used to be the default until a little while ago though!

Onto the actual brushes:

Most of the stuff on KG's blog is drawn with the Maa Brush from the CSP Asset store, so for example this, this and this were all done using the Maa Brush. I use it to sketch and line, usually on size 5-10, these are my settings:

Next, for very thin delicate lineart I like to use the Favorable Pen from the Asset store, which I used here for example. I use around size 20 for it (I don't use a lot of pressure so the line comes out quite thin)

For a lot of my more rendered art I use the basic Mapping Pen in Clip. I used it for example for the recent story-arc update in asksds or for this. I generally use size 6-10.

Back when I used SAI I had a brush called the Ballpoint Pen which I THINK I made myself in Clip (I at least couldn't find it again under that name in the asset store but I'm sure there are a dozen brushes like it) which is just a basic brush without pen pressure. I often use that one to get me out of a rut or to force me to focus on simpler shapes since it does kinda need you to be a little controlled to keep everything readable. I used it here and here for example. I use it at size 3 but keep in mind that I draw small.

I guess I could also mention that for most of the regular asks in asksds I use the Simple LineArt pen from the Asset store. There's no significant difference to the Mapping Pen, I just feel like the tips aren't quite as delicate as the Mapping Pen and I prefer that for sds...it might be an illusion though.

And we're done, those are the main brushes I use for lineart! Occasionally I try something different (like a G-Pen for a more textured look) but these ones are my regulars. I hope it helps!! (❁´◡`❁)

[oofxyphxia]

How I Became an Artist

When I was a kid, I had a creative imagination that I just want to recreate what’s on my mind by just drawing. Of course most of us when we were young we can relate to this even if it’s not drawing specifically, we had this certain thing(s) or hobby that makes us happy like sing, dance, drawing, etc.

Since I was born to a bloodline that has a nature of an artist even though they’re not dedicated “artist”, they just drawing as a hobby really but they’re dedicated musicians. That aside, I got influenced by them, this was my main hobby basically throughout the years.

One day when I was on midschool, I had a friend that was an Artist. Since he knows that I’m into making art too he told me that I should try “this app” called iBisPaint on a mobile device and explained me how it works, and that day I got introduced to digital art. On that same year also started the covid-19 pandemic, this might not sound right because it is an awful pandemic but that’s also the best time to utilize and practice making art digitally. Almost a half year past, I was really enjoying digital art that I can actually say that I’m dedicated to this, so I started to invest a bit to it, bought a stylus pen since I was using only my fingers to draw on the screen and I also bought a premium software to draw.

I took the time to just draw and draw and posting my art on a social media platforms like pixiv and twitter. I remember the day that one of my works has suddenly blew up and I got a lot of likes and followers and I was really happy, it made me more motivated. Time passes, my social media accounts are growing and I build my community. One time, I officially started to open my art commissions and it turned out well, it was successfull. I made my own money and can finally buy the stuffs that I want and need such as buying a new ipad, accessories, cosplays, etc. 

After few years, face to face class was officially started again, it made me really busy and can’t spend time making art that often anymore. It drastically affects my routine and time management, I still want to continue doing this since it is now my passion. In a few months I’m gonna graduate on highschool, one of my dream is to take a college on japan but at the same time I don’t want to go to college, I don’t like academics in general and it is costly, I have no career that I desire but I want to chase my passion and become a full time artist. 未来がどうなるかは知らない。

[lipstickstainz]

true lies - s. r. (1/15)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Series Summary: Spencer is furious, when you rejoin the team after a year and after you left him, when he got arrested. Little does he know, that you leaving him was the only option to ever get him out of prison.

Chapter Summary: Spencer and you have your first encounter, after you left him a year ago. Spoiler: it doesn’t go well. 

Warnings: angst, secrets, swearing I think, typical criminal minds stuff

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: tadaaaaa. it’s finally here! my first series! tell me if you liked it! love you! gif not mine.

Series Masterlist

The first thing you notice is the complete silence that takes over the room. The last time you had been here, it had been crowded and so noisy that you could hardly understand your own words. People had been everywhere, talking or exchanging theories, but your gaze was fixed on the desk overflowing with books. Now there are only files, carefully sorted and stacked on top of each other.The office is empty, no agents, no witnesses.  No one. You take a deep breath.

It's been some time since you've been here. Almost a year, but everything in this building is all too familiar to you. The coffee maker just waiting to be used in the kitchen. The law books gathering dust on a shelf. It feels like you've never been away.

"Y/N," a woman's voice snaps you out of your thoughts. You have to tear your gaze away from the desk in front of you, and your eyes find a tired, yet incredibly good-looking Emily Prentiss standing outside her office door, smiling at you like you just saw each other yesterday.

"It's good to see you," you say, and she wraps you in her arms after she closes the office door behind you. It feels good to finally have her by your side again; after all, you had been best friends before you left. You hug her one last time before carefully pulling away from her and sitting down in the chair in front of her desk.

"It's good to see you, too," she replies, dropping into her chair. She places her hands on the desk and interlaces her fingers. "Of course, I'd love to know how you've been this past year, but I'm afraid that will have to wait." She opens a drawer to her right and reaches for a file-your personnel file, you realize-and lays it open in front of her. "I've been informed that my request has been approved and you'll be rejoining our team," she says, smiling briefly at you. "It took a favor, but you're well worth it to me."

Your stomach tightens at the thought of Emily owing someone. You swallow the sour feeling spreading down your throat and nod at her. "Thank you, Emily."

She tilts her head and her gaze slides from your face to your kneading hands. "You're not happy with this, it seems. What's wrong?" Emily doesn't need to profile you to know something is bothering you. She knows you too well to miss the change in your behavior.

"I don't know if this is a good idea," you confess.

"And why is that?" asks Emily, but she already knows the answer. She knows what happened a year ago, and she certainly knows more than you do, because she had been here for the last year, after all. Before you can answer her, the door opens and a colorful person comes in.

"Good morning, my beautiful and strong boss," the one and only Penelope Garcia speaks without looking up from her iPad. "We have a new case that I would like to discuss with you before the whole team arrives. It's about -" When Emily doesn't answer her, she looks up and her gaze immediately lingers on you. You're surprised she doesn't drop the tablet on the floor as she rushes toward you to yank you out of the chair and into her arms. "Y/N! What a relief for my tired brain to see your beautiful face! Am I dreaming?" She breaks away from you and gives Emily a look. "Please tell me I'm not dreaming. I couldn't take it."

A smile spreads across Emily's face. "You're not dreaming, Pen. Y/N is actually back."

"Oh, how wonderful!" she squeals, pushing her glasses back up with her index finger. While she says something else to Emily, you look at her. She really hasn't changed in the last year. She's still the colorful bird of the BAU, and that's a good thing.

You notice yourself starting to smile, but then she utters the thing that erases the smile from your lips. "How's Reid doing? Have you guys talked yet?"

Emily makes a hand gesture for Penelope to drop the subject, but your expression has instantly changed when she said his name. It stabs you in the heart and cold shivers run down your spine, and only with difficulty can you suppress the tremors that want to overtake your body.

"I'm afraid the team is already here," Emily interrupts the silence and casts a glance out the window into the open-plan office. Even if you want to follow her gaze, you don't dare and your body is still in rigidity. She gets up from her chair and walks towards the door, but before she opens it, she turns to you once more. "If you need more time, that's fine. Take all the time you need. But your place is here with us, Y/N. We're your family." And with that, she and Penelope leave the office.

She's right. The BAU is your family - even if you hadn't seen or spoken to any of the family members in the last year - and walking out now wouldn't change the situation. The circumstances under which you left - had to leave - were anything but normal, and you hope that your decisions would be met with understanding, but you can't count on that. So you tighten your shoulders, push through your back, and follow them into the conference room. Your heart beats up to your neck and your hands sweat as you stop on the doorstep.

Your gaze fixes on the youngest team member, except for you. His brown curls are a little shorter than they were a year ago, and it doesn't take you ten seconds to notice that it's not the Spencer Reid you know sitting at the table. The year had changed him. Your absence had changed him.

Rossi is the first to notice you, which is because he glances over his shoulder. "Who do we have here?" he asks playfully, before rising from his chair and taking you in his arms. But you're only peripherally aware of that. Your concentration is on Spencer, who stares at you unblinkingly before jumping up and storming out of the room. JJ, sitting next to him, reaches for him, but he wriggles out of her grip and he runs past you so fast that it's easy to call it an escape. JJ smiles weakly at you before putting her hand on your arm. She doesn't need to say anything, her look tells you that she's glad you're back, but you're also aware that she wants to take care of Spencer, so you nod at her and wordlessly she follows the genius of the team.

The rest greet you with great joy, Rossi presses a kiss on your cheek and Alvez puts his arm around your shoulders, but you look out the window and see Spencer and JJ talking. His face is red and even though you can't hear his words or read his lips, you know exactly what it's about. The blonde tries to calm him down, wanting to put her hands on his shoulders to make him stop shaking, but he avoids her and takes a step back. The gesture is enough, as she drops her arms and doesn't follow him either when Spencer leaves the bullpen. You know he won't be back in the next few minutes.

Garcia tells you about the case and you try to focus on her words as best you can, but again and again your mind wanders to Spencer. His reaction to your return is understandable and you don't judge him for it. You have no right to do so; after all, you are responsible for his condition. You hope that soon there would be a quiet moment when you could talk about the past, but you are not optimistic. He pushed JJ away from him a few minutes ago, which is definitely not a good sign. You try to push the thoughts of him to the back of your mind; after all, there's a case to solve, and although the current situation isn't ideal, you're looking forward to it. It's been a long time since you've worked properly.

"All right," Emily says, snapping you out of your thoughts. "Wheels up in thirty."

"Hey," JJ addresses you as you freshen up in the ladies' room. You glance at her in the mirror and she smiles at you. "Are you okay?" You both know this question is purely rhetorical. She is, after all, Spencer's best friend. Aside from the two of you, she probably knows best what's been going on, but still not everything.

You turn around and lean against the edge of the sink. "I'm trying to get used to everything," you reply, pursing your lips into a thin line. "It's changed quite a bit while I was gone."

She nods. "Yeah, it did." She takes another step toward you. "Look, you have to give him some time, all right? This year hasn't been very nice to him. I hope you can understand that." She sounds sincere and, above all, concerned, which is why you don't resent her little speech. Of course, you're already aware of all this, but hearing it from her confirms your suspicions.

You are to blame for Spencer's condition. And there's no way you can straighten things out anytime soon.

Spencer rejoins the team only on the plane, but he avoids your proximity or your glances at all costs. He takes the seat next to Alvez, which is almost at the other end of the plane, and he is completely silent. The others, of course, notice the tension that has spread through the group since your arrival, but they all have the decency not to bring it up. But by their manner they let you know that they don't stand between you. You had been gone a long time, and they know halfway what had been going on, but they didn't take sides, and for that you are infinitely grateful.

"Alvez, JJ, Simmons. You guys talk to the families. Find out if the victims share any common traits that might connect them," Emily says, dividing the team into focus groups as usual. She glances around the group. "Rossi, Reid, Y/L/N, you go to the coroner's office while -"

"No." It's the first word Spencer has uttered since you boarded the plane. You expected his voice to be weak or to reveal any other signs of uncertainty, but the word came from his lips in a firm tone, leaving no room for discussion. Spencer looks up from the paper file and before he looks at Emily, his gaze brushes yours and at the coldness in his eyes, your blood freezes in your veins.

"All right," Emily says without elaborating. "Alvez, you switch places with Reid. Tara and I will go to the local police department and talk to the detectives. Let's catch the killer."

To say the mood on the plane hit rock bottom would be an understatement.

Forensics helps you out a bit. The victims were drugged before they died, causing hallucinations, which is probably why they self-inflicted injuries. Also, both victims have the same cut wounds in the same place. Definitely not a coincidence. Alvez has Garcia dig up some information on the way to the police station, which is why you could briefly organize your thoughts, but Rossi tells you about a new dish he'd like to cook for you sometime, and you'd been gone too long to block out your work dad. Besides, your mind would only be on Spencer and that's not moving you forward either.

"According to the relatives, none of the victims were unpopular, loners, or even depressed," JJ begins as the team gathers. You take a seat in the chair facing Spencer. When he notices, he gets up and sits somewhere else. The main thing is to get out of your sight. You sigh imperceptibly, but Luke turns in your direction and raises an eyebrow. You shake your head.

It hurts that Spencer doesn't want to be near you. In fact, it almost breaks your heart, but you can get used to that. He should go ahead and hate you. You could handle that.

The day flies by and when the team checks into the hotel in the evening, Spencer grabs one of the keys and leaves without another word. Sadly, you watch him go and Emily puts a hand on your shoulder reassuringly. Eventually, it would get better. Later on, you sit on the bed with her and tell her about the year you've been away, the people you've met, things you've experienced, but each anecdote brings you back to the one topic that makes your heart skip a beat.

"You have to tell him, Y/N," Emily suddenly says seriously, and you shake your head.

"No." It sounds almost as harsh as Spencer on the plane, but there's still some pain hovering in the air with you. "I'm not going to tell him, Emily."

"He thinks you left him because he went to prison. In his mind, you basically left him at the altar," she tries to change your mind, but to no avail. She would not succeed. You had sworn to yourself that this matter would remain a secret, something you would both take to your graves. And you have no intention of breaking that vow. "You were engaged, for gods sake" Emily's tone sharpens. "Don't you think he deserves the truth?"

"I'm not going to tell him. It's for the best."

Emily looks at you incredulously, but also knows she can't change your mind. "Best for whom?"

That night, you lie awake, tossing from side to side but unable to find sleep. You don't feel guilty about what happened. You don't question your decisions you did back then. It was the right thing to do. It bothers you because of Spencer, because of his reaction to your return, because of his hostility. JJ had asked for your understanding and you would do anything to mend fences, but you're not sure that's Spencer's intention either.

After two hours, you get up and slip into sweatpants and a sweater before leaving your room. As if of their own accord, your feet carry you down the hallway, to a destination you shouldn't be going to. As you turn into the hallway where Spencer's room is, you stop, rooted to the spot.

JJ is standing on the doorstep to his room, saying something to him before he leans down and pulls her tightly into his arms. His hair is messy, and even from this distance you can tell Spencer is leaning on JJ with all his weight. You have to swallow. How much you want a hug from him.

JJ is the first to disengage, saying goodbye to him and disappearing in the opposite direction, while Spencer stops and watches her go. There is a small smile on his face and he looks more relaxed than he did earlier in the day. As he turns to go back to his room, his gaze lingers on you. The smile disappears and his body is tense to the breaking point.

Time seems to stand still. It feels like an eternity that you stare at each other without speaking a word, but there is so much coldness in Spencer's eyes, so much pain, that you can hardly stand it and want to look away. But you're transfixed. Your hand raises of its own accord, as if in greeting, and your mouth opens, but before you can say anything, Spencer takes a step back and slams the door behind him. Only then do you realize that you've been holding your breath.

next part

- tags - 

@obsssedwithjustaboutanything // @ashwarren32 // @slytherinbth // @rexorangecouny // @candlemouse // @cloudybau

[foreverindreamlandd]

Bucky wanted to read her fanfictions and she always declined. So he begged and begged and begged... until she finally gives up and let him read one. 'Cause who could really say no to Bucky making puppy eyes?!

Let me know what you think about it

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus Size!Reader

WC: 1.5k (I am apparently incapable of writing a drabble)

A/N: Thank you again for another awesome request! I was basically cackling the whole time I wrote it. Want to read about how Bucky and this reader got together? Check out their origin story in my To Be Wanted series! Only warning in this one is the usual swearin’ like a sailor.

----

“See, this is why I always order Thai food. I can never do it justice.” You frown over your wok, mixing the noodles around with a wooden spoon hoping it will somehow make your creation taste better.

“I’m sure it tastes great, doll.” Bucky walks up next to you and grabs a noodle, tilting his head back as he drops it into his mouth.

His eye twitches almost imperceptibly and you groan.

“It’s good,” he coughs out, trying with all of his strength to regain his composure. “I think you just went a little too hard on the chili paste. I can feel my sinuses clearing up though, which is good, right?”

You roll your eyes. “Can you check the recipe on Pinterest again? I swear I put in the right amount.”

Bucky walks over and picks up your iPad. Right as he’s scrolling to find out if you should have used 2 tablespoons or 2 teaspoons of chili paste, a notification banner pops up and he accidently taps it, opening up your Tumblr app.

Omg! This fic is amazing! The way Bucky is there to support the reader. My heart completely melted! Your Bucky stories are amazing, Y/n! <3

Above the comment is a photo of him. It’s a shot from the news where he’s helping a civilian stand up after one of the attacks made by The Red Hand.

“Uh….love? What’s this?” He holds the iPad up to you and you shift your gaze over to him.

You drop the wooden spoon into the wok as all of the blood drains from your face. You’re frozen in place for a millisecond before you pounce on Bucky to grab the device from him. He’s never seen you move so quickly and it catches him off guard.

“Bucky give me the iPad right now,” you fling your arms toward it and he pulls it away, both amused and a bit concerned by your reaction.

“Wait, what is this? Is it something I should be worried about?”

You see a flicker of panic flash in his eyes and you stop flailing. You close your eyes and let out a deep sigh.

“No, I mean, I should be concerned because if you read that I’m probably going to combust and you’re going to dump me and run for the hills.” He furrows his brows in confusion and you slowly lift up your hand. “Can I please have that back before I have a mild panic attack?”

He stares at you, trying to gauge your emotions. All he can see is panic and sadness and it breaks his heart so he instantly gives in and hands you the iPad.

“Don’t worry about it, love. I trust you.” He leans forward to give you a chaste kiss.

You let out a pained groan against his lips and Bucky is once again confused.

“Ughhhh I hate hiding things from you.” You lock your iPad so the screen goes dark. “Okay, fine, I guess this conversation is happening. Remember when we first started dating and I, uh, mentioned I used to read and write stories about….us being a couple?”

Bucky nods, trying not to reveal any emotion to you that might make you spiral into a panic, and you continue.

“Well, that was one of those stories I wrote. I stopped looking on Tumblr basically as soon as I met you because it got all weird and meta and I got super uncomfy by the idea of reading fanfics - that’s what they’re called - about my new friend/now boyfriend Bucky Barnes. And then we started dating and I was all happy and shit and I totally forgot that those fics were still out there. Obviously I haven’t written any since then because that would be weird for...many, many reasons. Someone must have found an old one and commented on it. I’ll delete it. I’ll delete all of them. I swear. I’m so sorry, Bucky. I should have been more on top of this.”

Bucky stares at you, lips pursed and you grimace, afraid of the next words that are about to come out of his mouth.

This is so weird, Y/n. How could you do this?

No wonder you didn’t date anyone before me.

Obsessed much? (Okay, he probably wouldn’t say it like that but STILL).

No, what Bucky said next was much, much worse than what you could have imagined.

“Can I read one?”

Your mouth drops. Closes. Drops again. You blink rapidly.

“I’m sorry, I just hallucinated. What?”

Bucky points to your iPad, a sly grin forming on his face. “I want to read one of your stories.”

You take a step back from him, horror stricken as you pull the iPad closer to you as if you were protecting your collector’s edition of ‘Throne of Glass.’

“Absolutely not.”

Bucky steps forward and you step back. He chuckles. “Come onnn, doll. I want to know what your fantasies were about me before we got together.” He laughs harder as the look of horror on your face grows more manic.

“Bucky, I know you’re a super soldier and could probably punch me into the sun with your metal arm, but I promise I will fight to the death before I let you read one of these fics.”

You and Bucky continue this dance of him stepping forward and you stepping back until you feel your legs make contact with your couch and you fall back into a sitting position on its arm. Bucky uses this opportunity to tower over you, his arms resting on the couch so that you’re pinned between them.

Then, he pulls out the big guns.

His gaze softens, blue eyes shining into yours. His bottom lip puffs out and he gives you the most adorable, sexiest pout you’ve seen in your whole life.

“Please, love?” He says it with a slightly higher pitch, almost like a whine and it still sounds like honey to your ears. He even nudges your nose with his like a freaking sociopath.

Damn.

You close your eyes, let out a breath, then open them back up to him. “I hate you.”

His pout turns into a boyish grin and he gives you a quick kiss. “You love me.”

You groan. “Hopefully you still love me after this, Buck. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

You stand and open up your iPad, scrolling through your masterlist and finding what used to be one of your favorite fluff pieces. You begrudgingly hand it to Bucky and he sits on the couch.

Unable to sit still during this agonizing experience, you proceed to pace around your apartment like a crazy person and resort to cleaning the inside of your microwave which you haven’t done in a few months so it’s a good thing that Bucky is reading your fic so that you could get that out of the way. You probably won’t have a boyfriend in a few minutes but at least your microwave will be spotless.

You only steal a few glances at Bucky as he reads, mortified each time as you see his eyebrows move in every possible direction. Up, down, knit together, were they criss-crossed at one point?

Finally, after what feels like the longest ten minutes of your life, Bucky lets out a soft grunt, placing the iPad down on his lap. He looks up to you and you give him a weak smile.

“Alright, let me have it, Buck. Give me your worst. Be honest. Also, I love you.”

Bucky glances down at the iPad and then back at you.

“Well, I have a few questions.”

Your right eye twitches. “Hm?”

“Now that you’ve met me, do you still think my eyes are an all-consuming storm of blue?” You groan. He grins. “Or do you think my jawline was cut from marble created by the gods?”

This time, you breathe out a laugh and you walk over to sit on his lap. You take hold of his chin.

“Bucky, I don’t think I could ever come up with the right words to describe you. The real thing is quite literally a million times better than anything I’ve ever written.”

His eyebrows raise. “That is...probably the best compliment I’ve ever gotten in my whole damn life.” He leans forward and kisses you, and you sigh into the feeling of his mouth on yours, relief flooding through you.

You pull away, eyes skeptical. “So, you’re not thinking about how you can escape and never see my crazy ass again?”

“On the contrary, love, I’m thinking about how I can convince you to buy this gorgeous green dress you apparently wore as my wedding date. The one that showed off your cleavage in a way that made Bucky’s brain melt.”

The two of you burst out laughing and you lightly shove his chest. “Sure thing, Bucko. How about I work on the dress situation and you work on ordering us Thai food so that we don’t lose our taste buds from whatever the hell I just made.”

-----

Thank you for reading! Feel free to check out my other stuff here. :)

Taglist: @ceo-of-daichi @biiskuitx @forgetthisbull @eclipses-and-moondust @abcdefxkyou @jackiehollanderr @billionsofbeans @abitgryffindorky @lovelylostminds @mija-just-breathe @semlohkratz @bratty-longbottom-replies @carrotfantasimp @cremedelabrulee @ant1r3al1ty @th-e-mg@laura-moehrchen @emma-the-duck17 @sunnyjane4 @rosaline-black @parodsal000 @vicmc624 @abrunettefangirlnerd @officiallykuute @edityourwishingwell @mymindslabyrinth

***This was the original tag list for the To Be Wanted series. If you would like to be removed from the taglist for any other stories related to this series, feel free to DM me! And let me know if you would like to be *added* to the taglist for any other future stories featuring these two knuckleheads. :)

[ichigoromi]

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲...| 𝐒𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐬𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐲𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐢 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 | 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐲𝐮𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧

*casually drops my number in his bag*

Sakusa: What's this? Irrelevant.

*Throws my number into the trash*

Hearts been broken too many times🥺🥺🥺

Pairing: Sakusa Kiyoomi (timeskip) x fem reader! (she/her)

Genre (s): Romance, fluff

Warning (s): talks of baby-making, babies, future pregnancy

Enjoy!

Sakusa Kiyoomi

You two have been married for a year and a half now, and you feel like something is missing in your marriage.

Maybe like a baby?

It's not like you two were in a rush to get a baby, but maybe you two could get started on the baby-making process.

You are not a direct person, so you start to drop subtle hints about wanting a baby to him.

It started with casually talking about what to do with the empty rooms in the house after you two have converted three of them into guests rooms and there were two more left.

He was fine with your decisions as long it's not that ridiculous.

Then you sneakily slipped about the idea of building a nursery, but he ignored it.

Okay, that didn't work, so you started searching for baby clothes on his Ipad, his phone and even his laptop.

Was he ever this dense?

When you two were out shopping, you deliberately walked past the child clothing store and were awed at how cute the outfits looked.

Then when you mentioned your birth control running out, he mentioned he could pick up yours tomorrow at the pharmacy.

Your patience was running thin, and you could not take his denseness anymore.

"Mimi! I want to have a baby! I've been trying to hint at you, but you keep on ignoring me!" You burst out after the two of you have reached home after shopping.

He stares at you and then smirks at you. Now, you are getting annoyed that he has the audacity to smirk at you after dodging all your hints and was he mocking you now?

"Sweetheart, I know." He pulls you into his lap, and your anger simmered down.

"You bombarded all of my devices with all the baby stuff that you searched. And you have been talking about how cute the child clothes look. Honey, I know. I just want to tease you." Sakusa taps your nose playfully, and you leaned on his chest.

"Fine, I'll forgive you this once. But can we really have a baby?" You asked him again, and he nods his head.

It felt surreal, but it was also about time too. Sakusa was waiting for you to propose having a baby because it's your body that will be carrying the baby for nine months.

"I'm going to stop taking the birth controls and no more condoms. My ovulation week is starting next week; I've calculated already." He was slightly taken back at how eager you were, but as long you were comfortable, Sakusa was okay with it.

"Sure, sweetheart. Do you want a girl or boy?" He asked, and you took a moment to think about it.

"Eh, I'm fine with both. I'll love them equally. But I want them to have your hair." You said, and he was confused at the hair part.

"I want our baby to have your dark luscious hair. Your hair is so thick and healthy!" He laughs and leans down to kiss you on your lips.

"Anyways, I hope our child comes out healthy and loved by everyone. So do you want to get started on our baby-making project?" Oh, now he's getting eager.

"Yes!"

And he carries you into the master bedroom to get started on the baby-making project in advance.

You guys might not have noticed, but yeah, I'm pretty much a simp for Sakusa. I've been writing about him for many of my headcanons, and I love him so much. Hope y'all enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing this!

Thank you for reading this headcanon!

I love you all❤️

Stay safe and healthy!

With love,

Rosalie🍓

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 3) - A Moment

Summary: Jensen is away from home for a few days but isn’t having the easiest time being away from the kids for the first time since the accident. When he returns home, he has a gala to attend on Saturday night but a kiss on the cheek and slip of the tongue will snowball into the reader and Jensen sharing a moment...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 6,100ish

Warnings: language, death of a spouse, death of a parent, anxiety, self-worth problems, referenced past harassment

A/N: I love this part so much for so many reasons. Please enjoy!

________

“Hi Jensen,” you asked Monday night when your phone rang. “How was your flight earlier?”

“Same old same old. I just got out of work,” he said with a yawn. “Gonna grab a bite out with a friend. Kids eat dinner okay?”

“We had honey sriracha glazed salmon with brussel sprouts and roasted red potatoes.”

“Really?”

“They had kraft mac and cheese and I had Taco Bell.”

“See this is why I like you,” he chuckled.

“I’ll try the salmon again tomorrow. I was gonna make it but they didn’t have any at the store,” you said, opening the fridge and taking out a pint of ice cream. “Hey can I have what’s left of this mint ice cream?”

“Sure. Pick some more up for me sometime before friday please,” he said. “Also, Taco Bell? You do realize we live in freaking Austin right. There are literally hundreds of places you can go that have better mexican food.”

“Yeah but fake cheese tastes good,” you said. He laughed and your stomach rumbled. “I so should have gotten more than two tacos.”

“You in the kitchen?” he asked. You hummed and you heard him let out an oof in the background.

“Yeah. You alright?”

“This bed in my hotel room is comfy,” he said. “But I was starting to say, go in the drawer at the end of the counter by the table. There’s only five hundred gajillion take out menus in there. Order a treat for yourself. It’s on me.”

“Jensen. I can get my own dinner.”

“True but you’re on call 24/7 until I get back.”

“Well in that case I bet you got a menu for a fancy steakhouse in here somewhere,” you teased as you picked up one for a tex mex looking restaurant. “Does this place really have quesadillas this big?”

“You must be looking at the menu on top. I almost ordered from there last week actually. The food’s great. They do delivery too. Just buzz the guy into the gate when they get there.”

“Any recommendations?” you asked, taking out the menu and flipping it over.

“Quesadillas are good. Loaded nachos are amazing. I’ve literally never had a bad thing from there,” he said. “To be honest I’d rather be getting that than where I’m going tonight.”

“Why’s that?” you asked, reading through your options, surprised to find such good prices.

“I have to wear a suit,” he said with a sigh. “After being poked and prodded all day I literally would rather just eat crap and watch food network.”

“How long have you known this friend of yours?” you asked.

“Twenty years, why?”

“Then you guys knew each other when you were young. It’s not too late out there. Call him, see if he’d rather get some crap food, a six pack and just catch up on his couch or in your room. I’m pretty sure he’s more looking forward to seeing an old friend again than the food,” you said.

“You make very good points. I should pay you more,” he said.

“You pay me plenty and barely let me spend a dime of my money on myself,” you said. “I don’t need more.”

“You got that fancy computer though.”

“You literally have the exact same mac in your office.”

“You moved in like three boxes and two computers,” he said.

“An ipad is not a computer,” you said.

“Debatable.”

“Well I like to draw sometimes and it’s easier on an ipad when you’re laying in bed,” you said. 

“Are you any good?” he asked.

“No.”

“I bet they’re really good,” he said as you rolled your eyes. “I see you draw with the kids sometimes and those are good.”

“It’s a hobby is all,” you said, leaning back against the counter, your stomach grumbling again. “Anything else you want me to grab at the store? I’m going to hit it tomorrow while everyone’s at school.”

“Nah. Get the usual stuff,” he said. “The kiddos in bed?”

“Yeah, got the last one down about fifteen minutes ago,” you said. He hummed and you heard the sigh in it. “I got a video of them playing earlier I’ll send you.”

“Thanks. It’s my first night away from them in a long time. Normally I’m able to come back same day. I was kinda hoping they’d still be awake to say goodnight.”

“They’re safe and sound dad. We’ll call again after school tomorrow to talk like today,” you said.

“Yeah,” he breathed out. He was quiet and you pulled the phone away, taking a deep breath. 

“You okay?” 

“I haven’t been alone like this in a really long time.”

“I know. You check out your backpack yet?”

“No. Why?”

“You didn’t bring a jacket with you so I put that yellow hoodie that’s always on the hook in there in case you got cold.”

“That was Dee’s hoodie.”

“I was pretty sure it was,” you said. You heard him shuffle around briefly before he hummed, much happier that time. “I thought you might like to have a piece of...something-”

“I really don’t pay you enough,” he said quietly. “Thanks for putting this in there. I need something from home more than I realized.”

“Well put it on, call up your buddy and have some fun tonight, Ackles. Nanny’s orders.” He laughed and you felt that twinge in your stomach again, your eyes quickly closing.

“I will. Hey you mind if I call again tomorrow night? I don’t have any plans and sitting in a hotel room by myself isn’t very fun.” You smiled and felt heat in your cheeks, quickly thinking it away. He wanted company for a few minutes was all and you were friends. It was completely normal to talk with friends on the phone everyday.

“Of course. As long as you get a dinner in at some point that’s more than fine with me,” you said. “We can talk about The Bachelor!”

“Oh God no,” he groaned, chuckling after a few seconds. “I’ll settle for Grey’s Anatomy.”

“This Is Us?” you asked.

“Supernatural?”

“I haven’t watched that yet. I’m working up to it,” you said. 

“Work faster woman. I only know legit everything about that one,” he chuckled. “But probably not a good idea to watch that one until I get back and you're not alone. First episode is kinda scary.”

“Oh well thanks for that,” you said, watching the clock tick by, knowing it had to be almost seven out there. “I’ll let you go. Have fun tonight Jensen.”

“I will Y/N. Promise.”

Friday Night

“Arrow,” you said after she’d flung her pasta bowl all over herself, covering her hair and face. She sniffled and you forced a smile. “Okay. How about a bath after dinner?”

Fifteen minutes later JJ and Zeppelin were in the movie room watching a cartoon while you had Arrow in the kids bathroom, scooping up some water over her head in the tub.

“Well hello ladies,” you heard behind you. You jumped and spun around, glaring for a moment before you recognized Jensen.

“Just me,” he said, backpack still on his shoulders. 

“Daddy I got ziti all over my head,” she said.

“You did?” he asked, dropping his bag and taking off his jacket, kneeling down next to you. You got the last bit of sauce off and squirted some shampoo in her hair, Jensen watching you with a smile. “How was your day?”

She told him all about breakfast and daycare, playing with a few toy boats with him while you rinsed out the soap. You did a bit of conditioner before getting it out as well and putting the spray nozzle back.

“I got the rest if you wanna get the dryer ready?” he asked you, reaching for the soap. You swapped spots with him, Jensen washing her up while she kept talking about her day. By the time he was all done you had the dryer out and plugged in, Jensen picking her up and wrapping her up in a big bundle of towels before he set her on the counter. You went to work drying her hair, Jensen draining the tub and finding some pajamas for her.

“Do you want your hair up or down, sweetie?” you asked. She tried gathering it up and you grabbed her soft scrunchie perfectly fine for sleeping in from the counter. You put her hair up in a soft little bun, Jensen making an adorable sound when he returned.

“Aw, you look so cute, baby. I’ll be right there alright?” he said. She hopped off the counter and got dressed, rushing off downstairs when she was all done. “Survive the day?”

“Somehow we always do,” you said, gathering up the towels. “Kids are in the movie room.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna shower but we’re all good for the night,” he said. “Thanks for watching them this week.”

“You gotta go do your job,” you said. “You working on a movie or something? You never said.”

“Uh gonna be in a show called The Boys,” he said. “I’m gonna be one of the superheroes so I gotta go out and get my suit made all special for me every so often.”

“You’re gonna be a supe! That’s so fucking cool!” you said. He grinned and you blushed, shaking your head. “I’m so sorry. That was so not appropriate.”

“I don’t see any little ears around,” he chuckled. “You like the show then?”

“Yeah. It’s great. Like no other show consistently makes me go what the fuck did I just see. That’s so cool you get to be a supe though. Are you a one off or like a main character?”

“I’ll be very present in the next season. Gonna deal with the seven, all that,” he said. “I’m gonna be Solider Boy.”

“I can see that. You have that all American boy thing about you.”

“It’s my adorable face,” he teased. 

“Well remember to not stay up too late. You have the gala tomorrow night remember?”

“Yes mom,” he said as you walked out. “Get the kids some takeout for dinner tomorrow and yourself.”

“Sounds good boss,” you said. “Night Jensen.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

The Next Night

You froze from where you were mixing up some brownie batter with JJ at the kitchen counter as Jensen popped downstairs. He was in a gorgeous black suit, a maroon pocket square and no tie going on, his hair scruffier looking than normal.

He started to laugh and you realized you were staring, your cheeks feeling hot as you went back to stirring.

“Mmm, you guys save me a brownie or two for when I get home?” he asked, leaning over and dipping his finger in the bowl of cream cheese frosting.

“We’ll spare one for dad,” you said, Jensen going back for seconds. “Ah, ah. No.”

He dipped his finger in and got another fingerful, kissing the top of JJ’s head and the twins at the counter.

“Be good for Y/N guys!” he called as he rushed out.

You whistled and he jogged back, catching you holding up his phone from the counter.

“Thank you,” he said, taking it and pecking a kiss on your cheek. You looked up at him and he froze. “I am so sorry. I…”

“It’s okay. Go have fun and be all charitable,” you said. He shoved his phone in his pocket and ran out, JJ scratching her head.

“Dad’s kinda weird sometimes,” she said.

“Yeah, he is. But so is everybody,” you said. “Let’s get this in the oven so you guys can pick out colors for your frosting, hm?”

“I really shouldn’t. But I really should,” you said to yourself, plopping your second brownie of the night in a bowl and sticking a scoop of ice cream on top. You carried it over to the couch and lay back, watching TV on the big screen as you heard the door open. Jensen came into view a minute later, taking his jacket off and groaning as he washed up at the sink. He went to the tray of brownies on the counter and picked one up with a big sigh. “Fun night?”

He jumped and whacked his head against the cabinet above, hissing before he spun around.

“You okay?” you asked. He nodded and left the brownie behind, pushing his sleeves up before taking a seat on the other end of the lounger.

“Y/N I’m really sorry about the kiss on the cheek. That was so inappropriate. You’ve kinda implied that there was some stuff that’s happened to you at other jobs you found over the line and I’m really truly sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I wasn’t...I forgot you’re my employee for a moment. I really am sorry.”

“Jensen if I had a problem with it or you or your behavior I would quit on the spot. I don’t let myself get pushed around anymore. You were happy and busy and you pecked a kiss on my cheek, not reach a hand down my pants. It’s really okay. You’re way too hard on yourself.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Positive. It’s barely ten which means you left as soon as you could. You’re supposed to be out having fun,” you said.

“I was kinda freaking out that you hated me,” he said.

“Dude you gotta relax,” you said. “Have a brownie and some ice cream.”

He got up and after a minute took a seat at the other end with a bowl of his own, smiling as he got a taste.

“This is fucking awesome,” he said.

“I know,” you said, Jensen smirking. “Do you feel better now silly boy? I promise that if you ever do anything I find inappropriate I will promptly kick you in the balls.”

“I can agree to that,” he said. He ate for a moment, watching the TV and laying back. “Do you ever like, want to go do things with your friends on a Saturday night? If you do that’s totally cool. These aren’t normal hours anyways.”

“Being a nanny eats up a lot of your social life,” you said. “Kinda got kicked out of my friend group after I broke up with my ex anyways.”

“Well they sound like they suck,” he said.

“Yes, they do,” you said. “I don’t mind so much. I meet plenty of new people through work. Only person you can depend on is yourself and I don’t tend to let myself down.”

“That’s a very lonely way to go through life,” he said.

“It’s not easy to make friends in your thirties,” you said. “Maybe for someone like you who travels and meets new people a lot and stuff but you have like, real friendships. You know?”

“Well we have a real friendship, don’t we? You’re friends with Jared and Rob and Ruthie and Rich,” he said. “I don’t trust just anybody with my kids. That’s real.”

“Yeah,” you said, taking a bite. “So when’s your friend free?”

“Hm?”

“Blind date guy. Maybe he could be a friend if things work out,” you said.

“Oh yeah. He uh, he actually got a gig up in Canada so you might need to wait like a month or so. But he’s excited to meet you,” said Jensen.

“Can I have his number?” you asked. “Or do you think that’d be weird?”

“No, not weird. I think he just kinda wants to do it old school if that’s okay. Meet you first and go from there.”

“This friend of yours better be like super hot,” you said.

“If it’s a problem-“

“I can respect him wanting to do things like that. But I’m gonna want a firm date soon,” you said.

“I’ll make sure to get you one,” he said. “I’ll get it down tomorrow, promise.”

“He better not mind me eating like this either. I ain’t a salad on the first date kinda girl. He’s gonna need to keep up with my eating while were at it,” you said. He snorted in his seat beside you and ran his hand over his face.

“I will keep that in mind. I have occasionally had dessert first truth be told,” he said.

“This is why I like you Ackles. You get my sweet tooth,” you laughed.

“It’s a good thing your dinners are healthy cause I swear I haven’t consumed this many baked goods in months,” he said. “The kids love it and my stomach loves it though.”

“I’m gonna need to start working out though if I keep this up. Oh hey is it okay if I do laps in the pool in the mornings? I’ll be super quiet and stuff.”

“You don’t gotta ask,” he smiled. “Like I said when you started, you got free reign to use the pool, the gym, whatever, aside from my room. You a swimmer?”

“Not really but I hate running and supposedly it’s a good workout or something,” you shrugged, eating another bite of brownie.

“Anything in the gym you’re free to use. I know you must get a little bored sometimes when I’m gone and the kids are,” he said.

“Not bored per say. Ordinarily I would do more chores but you have like a cleaner and a landscaper and you just...give me more time in the day than I’m used to is all. It’s actually great though. It gives me plenty of time to come up with ideas for the kids and stuff.”

“Well as long as you’re taking breaks and your lunch do as you please,” he said, his spoon scraping the bottom of his bowl.

“Now that’s just sad.”

“I really should get another one of these,” he said, sucking the spoon.

“It’s really the only choice you have,” you said. He laughed as he hopped up, skirting back into the kitchen and fixing up another brownie and ice cream combo.

“Hey you want more, Dee?” he asked. You popped your head up and he spun around. “I’m-“

“Don't apologize, Jensen,” you said. He tapped his fingers against the counter and took a deep breath, putting his back to you.

“That’s the second time tonight I’ve done that,” he said. 

“Jensen. There’s nothing wrong with missing your wife.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“You don’t...talk about her much.”

“It was...she wasn’t…” he trailed off. He sat down on a barstool and you got up, walking over and hopping up on the counter beside him. You set your feet in the stool next to his and paused before you put a hand on top of his head and ran your fingers through the short strands. “This shouldn’t have happened to her.”

“Death is the price for living. Pain’s the price for caring. Doesn’t mean it’s not worth it,” you said. You started to move your hand away when he turned his head. 

“Don’t…” he said, easing when you played with it gently again. “That’s always calmed me down since I was a little kid.”

“Someone should take care of you every once in a while you know. Your parents, siblings, friends. Everyone needs a break.”

“I had a lot of help at the beginning. I don’t need a whole day. Just a moment here and there,” he said quietly.

“It’ll be okay, Jensen,” you said. He nodded and you played with his hair a few moments, watching his shoulders ease. This time when you pulled away he smiled up at you. “Better?”

“Yeah. Thank you. That’s not in your job description to do that sort of thing.”

“Well I think your wife would want somebody to watch your back, even for only a minute or two,” you said.

“You don’t have any brain aneurysms I should know about, do you?” he chuckled. 

“No. That what happened?” you asked, a single nod coming from him.

“She was sleeping. Not a bad way to go I was told, you’d never even know,” he said. “Not a fun thing to wake up to in the morning though.”

“My dad had a mass at the back of his head. It was that same kind of thing where one second it’s fine and the next everything’s different deal. It was inoperable. Then he goes and dies from a car accident of all things before it got bad. My mom had a hard time with that.”

“You said she had a boyfriend later on right?” he asked.

“Yeah. I know you’ll be okay, Jensen,” you said. You ruffled his hair and he smiled, a soft look on his face. “Pro tip too from someone who’s been there, kids with a single parent turn out just fine.”

“Do they ever wish they had another parent?” he asked.

“They wish the parent they still have around is happy again someday. They won’t understand until they’re older that it’s a different kind of love between parents. But they’ll know it’s a little different and they’ll hope dad feels better too. Your kids are tough. They’ll be okay too.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” he said. You hopped off the counter and washed up your dish, sticking it in the dishwasher before you went to leave for your room. “So I gotta ask. Who takes care of you?”

“Me?” you asked, pointing to yourself. He shrugged and smiled, your gaze going past him. “I’m all good. I don’t need somebody to take care of me.”

“Liar,” he said softly. “You know my friend tells me everybody needs to be taken care of sometimes.”

“That’s the difference between us Jensen. You’re not like me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffed, his face scrunching up suddenly.

“It means you’re not on your own and even if you feel like it, it’s only been a little while. You’ll be okay. I’ve been taking care of myself since I was a kid. I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“You haven’t lived my life and I haven’t lived yours. Don’t try to tell me that I’m not capable of-”

“It’s not about what you’re capable of. You said pain is part of life, it’s the price for living. You’ve had more than your fair share-”

“Lots of people have it a lot worse.”

“Don’t compare your pain to someone else's. They haven’t lived your life,” he said. You rolled your eyes and started to walk away, Jensen out of his seat and catching up with you in the hall. “You can be taken care of too you know.”

“By who? My non-existent circle of friends? My crappy ex? My mom’s ex boyfriend who’s got his own wife and kids? I am perfectly fine managing all of this by myself. I’ve been doing it for years.”

“You’re so frustratingly annoying,” he said, running his hand over his face. “Me. I’m talking about me. You just...you took care of me tonight. The least I can do is show you the same compassion.”

“No,” you said.

“No? Why not?”

“Because taking care of me turns into you walking into my shower without my permission and you being a dick and this going away and I don’t want you to be those things so no. We’re getting too friendly. Please leave me alone tomorrow.”

You left him in the hall and went down to your area of the house, shutting the door after you. There was quickly a knock and you growled, ripping it open.

“What?” you snapped at him.

“I am not going to hurt you or be a dick to you or whatever else you think. You need to realize in the real world, not everyone is an asshole.”

“You’re the one not living in the real world then, Jensen. Everybody’s an asshole.”

“Fine. I’m an asshole. But I’m not leaving until you say I can take care of you tomorrow. Two minutes is all I’m asking for.”

“This is my part of the house.”

“And technically I am outside your door,” he said. “Why are you so resistant to somebody doing something nice for you?”

“Because I don’t wanna get used to it,” you said. He stared and you shook your head. “You’re attractive and an actor and kind and funny and it’s not a matter of if you date again but when and when that day comes, we ain’t gonna be sitting on the couch eating ice cream anymore. Please do not invite me to anymore outings as a friend. I’ll attend if required as a nanny but this between us is done.”

“For the record, the only one around here that thinks of you as just the hired help is you. My children are completely like their old selves. I feel more like my old self. You seem happier than when I met you but for some reason, that’s a big problem to you. I do not understand that.”

“Leave or I resign and move out first thing,” you said. He crossed his arms and lifted his chin. “This is my formal resignation then. The company will-”

He moved quickly and you weren’t sure what he was doing at first but soon you realized he was hugging you, your hands resting against his chest. You swallowed and he didn’t move, your forehead resting against him.

“What are you doing?” you breathed out.

“When’s the last time you got a fucking hug?” he asked.

“The kids-”

“Not the kids.”

“I don’t remember,” you said quietly. 

“Then you are overdue,” he said. You let yourself reach your arms around him and return the hug, breathing deeply, a small bubble in you rising up. You tried to push it down but it came back harder and you were fighting back tears before you knew it. 

He could feel when you lost that battle, hand rubbing up and down your back. There was a soft shushing in the air and after a few minutes you felt better. You lifted your head but didn’t look at him, Jensen squeezing you in his hug again before it eased.

“You know you’re not allowed to quit on me...like ever,” he chuckled. You let out a small laugh, Jensen smiling at you when you forced your head up. He wiped off your cheeks and you let out one last sniffle. “You’re not alone. I promise you’re not. It’s not the quantity of people you have in your life but the quality and I’m sorry but we are friends and there’s nothing you can do about that so I’d just accept it now.”

“I’m sorry I was such a bitch.”

“You were scared, not a bitch,” he said. “I wish I could make you happier is all.”

“I wish I could bring back your wife for you,” you said.

“One of those is a lot more possible than the other,” he said. A small smile crossed his lips before he ducked his head down, shoulders heaving back before his head raised. “Y/N, can I confess something to you? I hope...I hope it doesn’t bother you but if it does, you don’t have to continue working for me. I’d still like to be friends regardless.”

“What’s wrong?” you asked, Jensen looking past you.

“My single friend I was going to set you up with? He doesn’t exist.”

“Oh.”

“Cause he’s kinda me.”

“Oh,” you said, staring at him, a lot of his previous behavior starting to click into place. “That’s…”

“I know,” he said, stepping away and rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s weird and douchey and I’m sorry. I like you and I was trying to see if you would ever go for a 42 year old actor. I left out the widow and kids part but...I’m sorry.”

“When did you like me?” you asked quietly.

“The whole time?” he said, laughing nervously to himself. “It’s kinda snowballed since we met. I never in my life thought I’d like someone again. I didn’t want to like you. I hired you because you were the best candidate and I knew the kids would be in good hands but everyday it’s there, even more, and I know this is so inappropriate on so many levels and I’m really starting to ramble here but you make me think maybe your mom had a point and people are allowed to have...more than one…and sometimes the way you talk to me and treat me and look at me...” 

He swallowed as you stepped in front of him, taking a quick breath. 

“I will keep working for you and I’ll be your friend...and you can make me dinner tomorrow,” you said with a smile. “We’ll see where it goes from there?”

“You’re not...weirded out?” he asked.

“By your age, you’re my boss or the cheeky lying about a fake friend?” you said.

“All of the above.”

“Age doesn’t bother me. You have no idea how to be a boss, no offense, and the friend...I don’t blame you for wanting to test the waters first,” you said. “But I expect honesty from here on out.”

“Absolutely,” he said.

“Good,” you said.

“You do like me right?” he asked. “Like you don’t feel obligated or-”

“I like you Jensen. Why do you think I was trying to push you away before you got too close? I didn’t want to be hurt.”

“Give me a chance to not,” he said. “We can have dinner and see how it goes from there.”

“Normally the best course of action,” you said.

“But maybe with a few more hugs from now on,” he said. “For the both of us.”

“That’d be okay with me,” you said. He smiled and you returned it. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“I guess you will,” he said. He turned to go when he spun back on his heels. “Or we could go back out there, eat way too much dessert and hang out?”

“Yeah,” you said with a smile. “Give me a minute to wash up my face.”

“Take all the time you want. I’m gonna change into something more comfortable anyways.”

He left and you washed off your face in the bathroom, drying it off and taking a deep breath.

You did like him. There was something calming about him to you and you enjoyed his company, even if it was just the two of you having a quiet cup of coffee in the morning.

But he was an actor. And kinda famous. And a widow. And had three kids. 

“But your face is cute,” you said aloud, looking the mirror. “Gah, of course you have to be like...into me. Nutjob. He must be a nutjob. That’s it.”

“Y/N?” you heard him saying and you smacked yourself in the face. “Are you talking to yourself?”

“Uh, yeah,” you said, stepping out and seeing him in the hall sporting a pair of pajama pants and a t shirt. “That was fast.”

“Well I didn’t go through an eight step skin routine too,” he chuckled.

“For your information, my routine is only three steps,” you said, walking past him and waggling your fingers.

“I didn’t realize I was living with such a savage,” he said. You laughed and went back to the kitchen, making up another dish of brownie for him while he went over to where he kept his liquor. “You a bourbon kind of girl?”

“Is there any other kind?” you said.

“Touche.” He poured out two glasses and slid one over while you passed his bowl to him. “So what’s this three step routine? Do I need to up my game or what?”

“I think I need your routine, not the other way around,” you said.

“Nah. I like looking at your face more than mine. Trust me.”

“Oh. How long you been holding back those kinds of comments?” you teased.

“Longer than you’d think,” he said, sharing the bowl with you. “Feel okay now?”

“Yeah. I can’t remember the last time I cried,” you said. “Especially in front of someone.”

“A good cry session has never hurt in my experience. I’ll do it for work and stuff but normally I’m not much of one. Aside from the past six months I mean.”

“Are you ready to try this?” you asked.

“Yeah. I know I am,” he said. “I’m positive of it.”

“How can you know that?”

“Because you make me happy. You make me...want to do stuff again, believe in all the romantic...if I wasn’t ready, I’d feel guilty. But I don’t. I just know that maybe some people get more than one chance and maybe I’m one of them.”

“I know you are, whoever it ends up being,” you said.

“Are you ready to try this?”

You took a drink and bite of ice cream, pushing the bowl back.

“I miss my family,” you said. “I miss being happy. I’d like to...have someone that could take care of me for a moment every once in a while. I might mess that up sometimes but I’m willing to try.”

“Me too,” he said. “I’d expect some screw ups on this end too. I’ve been out of the dating game for a long time.”

“I’m sure it hasn’t changed all that much,” you said.

“Well I’ve never dated with kids and as a widow,” he said.

“I’m just in this for them to be honest,” you laughed. 

“I see how it is,” he said with a smirk. 

“I don’t think it’ll be as hard as you think,” you said.

“I hope not,” he said. 

“Do they know? You want to date?”

“JJ does,” he said. “She’s little but she understands that it doesn’t mean I’ll never love her mother any less. She’s been strangely okay through this whole thing aside from the first few weeks. She helps her brother and sister out more now.”

“As someone who was that kid, minus the siblings, I know they’ll be okay. She’s a great kid. I’ve met plenty of spoiled brats. Yours are not.”

“Well that might just be the second best thing I’ve heard tonight,” he said.

“Whatever was the first?” you teased, eating a spoon of ice cream.

“Oh I think you know,” he said, stealing the spoon back. You smiled and heard some feet run around upstairs before the stairs creeped and a little head ducked down into view. “Arrow. It’s bedtime sweetie.”

“I had a accident,” she said. “Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, honey,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”

“Want help?” you asked.

“Sure,” he said. He scooped up Arrow on the way up the stairs, setting her down in the kids bathroom. He got some clean pajamas and you found a pair of pull ups, Arrow pouting at you. 

“I don’t need ‘em,” she said.

“Your brother wears them. I wore them and your mommy and daddy wore them. Everybody wears pull ups when they’re your age,” you said.

“Just tonight,” she said, stepping into them. Jensen walked past with the mattress liner and she was dressed by the time you heard the washer going off in the distance. You walked her back to bed, Jensen slipping in past you and tucking her in. “Night daddy.”

“Night sweetie,” he said, kissing her temple. 

“Night Y/N,” she said.

“Night night kiddo,” you said, giving her a tiny wave before you left, Jensen flipping off her light and pulling the door shut. 

“Come here a second,” he said, nodding and you saw him head towards his room. The double doors were open and you stepped inside, Jensen going past the bed and over to a set of french doors. He pushed one open and waved for you to follow, showing you out to a rooftop balcony.

“Wow,” you said, a set of chairs, a table and a lounger out there along with a whole lot soft string lights. “I didn’t realize you had this up here.”

“Kinda a place to go unwind, relax,” he said. “I disappear out here sometimes. Been out here a lot at night lately.”

“Thinking about what?” you asked.

“You,” he said. “I talk to Dee about you sometimes as crazy as that sounds.”

“Doesn’t sound crazy at all,” you said.

“I just wanted to say...this area isn’t off limits anymore. Nothing is,” he said. 

“She asked you out, didn’t she,” you said with a smile. He rubbed the back of his neck and blushed. “You’re cute.”

You leaned up and kissed his cheek, heading back towards inside.

“Come on, Jensen. Before the ice cream melts on us.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 4 here!

[cyborg-franky]

RUNNING TO GET A DOOR SLOT! CONGRATS FRANKY YOU DESERVE ALL THE FOLLOWERS IN THE WORLD

Nickname: Duckie

Door Number: 23

What will you be wearing on the date? Corduroy pants and a comfy sweater over a button up.

Booze or sober?: I don’t mind drinking, but it’s not my first priority.

Your ideal first date: anything that isn’t too formal, where we can talk a lot

Three personality traits about you: I’m blunt sometimes to a fault, attention from others makes me nervous, I’m physically affectionate with people I care about, even if I don’t know them super well yet.

Three things you look for in a partner: honesty, good sense of humor about themselves, an innate need to help others.

Three dislikes: wasting money and especially wasting food, ppl who are rude to service workers, strong cologne (makes me cough)

THANK YOU MY LOVE <3<3<3

You looked smart you decided as you adjusted your sweater and put on your shoes, your date had told you where to meet him. It wasn’t an address you recognised but knew the area at least. You headed out feeling confident about the date, he seemed kind from his text messages, was that silly to judge?

Either way, you headed out, arriving at the address, it looked like a café. You saw someone waiting by the door.

- “Usopp?” you called out, unsure but when he snapped his attention up from his phone you knew it was him.

- He wore dungarees that looked like there were some paint splatters across them, a T-shirt underneath and a bandanna keeping his hair at bay.

- He offered you an unsure smile and you could tell he was more nervous than you were.

- “Yeah! Hey! Duckie right?” He offered you his hand, but he rubbed it down his pants, sweaty and nervous before you could take it.

- Usopp tried again, offering you a less clammy hand.

- You chuckled and shook it, smiling warmly at him, trying to let him know he could relax, you were just as nervous.

- “Did you bring your art stuff?” He asked and you nodded holding up your bag.

- When you got in you were shown a table, it was a tall building with many stairs and small rooms, each floor had three or four tables.

- All sorts of art from local artists graced the walls, different styles and mediums.

- There were big pads of paper everywhere to use, cups of water, paintbrushes.

- “This is an art café I’ve wanted to try for a while and when I realised you were also an artist.. well I wanted to do something I know we’d both enjoy. I’m not one for busy loud places.” Usopp said with a nod as he pulled his chair out, starting to take out his sketchbook and pencils.

- “Oh, I agree, don’t worry.” You smiled and got out your sketchbook, your iPad in case you felt more like digital.

- A waitress came and took your orders, coming back with snacks and drinks.

- Usopp was started to talk more as he got further into his art piece, something about drawing helped him relax and he became more animated.

- You talked about your favourite artists, what styles you liked, what art mediums you liked to use.

- As you paused to drink your drinks you exchanged sketchbooks, looking through the pages, making positive comments about one another’s works.

- Asking what your inspirations were.

- “How about we draw one another? It might be nice to see ourselves in the style of the other.” You suggested and he nodded.

- “I’d like that!”

- The next hour was a comfortable silence, the light music the café had on was calming.

- The sound of pencils on paper, the little ‘hmm’ and other sounds from you both as you concentrated.

- You watched Usopp, how he poked the tip of his tongue out, concentrating his hardest to get something right.

- Oh yeah, he was a cutie you decided.

- “Ready?” Usopp asked setting down his tools, getting ready to turn the sketchbook over.

- “Ready!” You agreed.

- “One, two, three!”

- Turning around your books at the time you admired his work, he was a great artist and you felt so flattered with how he drew you, heat spread across his cheeks as he saw your work.

- “I like that… can I, have it? Is that okay? I don’t often like pictures of myself..”

- “Oh sure, only if I can have the one you made, I love it.”

- It was a soft and sweet moment, the gentle removing of the page, handing each piece over to one another with such care.

- The sun had set outside, and it wasn’t long before closing time.

- You both packed up and Usopp paused, he reached down for every ounce of bravery he could muster.

- “I uh, would you like to do this again next week?”

REBLOG to say yes, yes, yes to this sweet man and his beautiful art or refuse him and get to be the muse for his next art piece ‘sad, lonely and eating cold pasta in my underwear’

[alkalinefrog]

hey, so, I had an art related question... if all of this is too much, feel free to ignore it.

the backstory is that I've had the same laptop since early high school but recently I had a birthday (I'm 28 now). my parents got me an HP laptop, and my friend got me a tablet, which she bought off of an online friend for $30. the problem is that I haven't had new technology like... ever? none that was actually mine anyway, and certainly nothing that could handle me using it for art.

and this is especially a problem when it comes to the tablet. my friend helped me get firealpaca onto the laptop, and get the tablet set up with the right drivers, aaaaand... I cannot make one line that looks good using it. I've been using pen and paper for so long and I have a really light touch, and it feels like I have to jam the pen down to get it to register, at which point I might as well have not set the pen sensitivity to anything at all because the thickest line is the only kind I can make?? any lighter and it won't show up on the screen at all. like I can ctrl+z and it doesn't even go back a step, the line didn't get drawn. there's like a 20% chance that any line I try to put down won't actually register. and tbh this isn't really what I had wanted... it's a huion tablet, which is the brand I wanted, but I was gonna buy myself one where you can see what you're drawing on the screen of the tablet itself. not just due to coordination issues, I think I could get used to that part, but because I feel like I wouldn't be having this specific problem with getting things to register. every single line I make looks like crap with this tablet, it makes me feel like I might as well be drawing with my feet, and I've been fidgeting with settings, and it doesn't seem like anything helps. I also still don't have a mouse for the laptop yet, so I can't click and drag anything very well because it has a trackpad, so messing with sliders is already aggravating.

I feel so lost and overwhelmed, and like if I buy anything else, I'm just going to end up with more unusable stuff because *I'm* probably the problem. I just don't know anything, and trying is mentally fatiguing me so quickly... my brain knows what I want my art to look like, and my hands can do it with a real pen. I just have absolutely no clue how to make this machine produce anything.

so I guess my questions are stuff like, what equipment do you use? are there tablets that will register a light touch or am I really going to have to be this heavy handed in order to work with one? what resolution/canvas size do you usually work on? any recommendations for what program to use?

overall, I'd really like to get myself something that feels more intuitive than the tablet... honestly, I was finding some success drawing with just my finger on the touch screen of my phone at one point. there were still a lot of problems with that, but the nail in the coffin was that my phone's memory space filled up and I had to get rid of the drawing app to make it functional again (it's an iphone, which is why). maybe I should just get an ipad or something...? though, one more thing on the mountain of potential options is the last thing my crumbling ADHD brain needs. I've been taking a break from art in general because I've still maintained my 40-hours-a-week work schedule through the whole pandemic... I do 10 hour shifts and work overnight, so I technically have free time since I only work 4 days a week, but the type of work I do leaves me with no energy at all. so I've been in an art slump and I've been wanting to get out of it, but this is just making art feel impossible, even though the whole reason why I've always wished I could draw digitally is so that I can color digitally. I had been drawing things in pen and scanning them to color in photoshop, but cleanup takes so long that I literally can't produce finished work anymore. I'm out of options that aren't prohibitively labor intensive and frustrating.

this was probably way too much information, but if you have any advice I'd be really grateful.

Huh, well first off HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE!! Congrats on the sweet new tech (even if it's been a bit frustrating) and well-deserved celebration!

From the sounds of it I think the main issue is probably your tablet (this is pure speculation on my end though, so you know, grain of salt and all). You're right in that you shouldn't have to fight against your equipment. I have a really light touch too and I've never had the same issue. I personally don't have any experience with huion tablets, but if you're having trouble getting your lines to register then it might have been worn down by the previous user. It's not so much about buying a monitor (the screen one) vs. tablet so much as getting working equipment.

An iPad is a great alternative!! I've played around with the apple pencil and procreate and it's a super intuitive program with (obviously) super easy set up! You get the drawing on the screen AND really nice pen pressure. I'm really happy seeing it opening up new doors for more people to get into digital art!

In terms of your current laptop/tablet situation:

My set up rn is pretty pricey ngl; I have a PC desktop computer with a 16 inch Wacom Cintiq. Getting started in digital art doesn't mean you have to drop a bag on a ton of equipment right from the get go though! If you're looking for a safe small investment, I'd recommend getting a Wacom Bamboo pen tablet!

This lil' baby right here is what I started with!! I think cost-wise it floats around 70ish bucks, but that's exponentially more affordable than buying a huge monitor. One of my friends who's also a pro artist uses a similar small tablet because it works great! That's an alternative that might be worth looking into.

You can also get free trials on other drawing programs (clip studio paint is a great one!) To test and see if it's a software issue with firealpaca.

You could also try checking online forums to see if anyone else is running into similar issues, or watch some YouTube videos of people reviewing different tablets. I know this might be even more overwhelming, so I'd try and narrow the scope to focus on one thing at a time.

My best advice right now would actually be to get a mouse, or any other accessories you need. I've also been in your shoes where I was completely overwhelmed, and I can say that checking off all the small easy things makes a HUGE difference! It makes you feel more in control of the situation, and even if you're still having trouble with digital art you can at least get more comfortable using your laptop in the mean time.

You got this dude!! I believe in you!!

EDIT:

Thanks @wooliebirds!

[latenightdecaf]

Entry 6 - of light gaze and worrisome face

part of let the pile of good things grow series - series masterlist

previous entry here

Yoongi x reader

Ft. nonidol!bts

Producer!yoongi, roommate!yoongi, soft!yoongi

slow burn romance, friendship, slice of life

series of drabbles/one shots

no warnings for now

A/N: starting to get the hang of this again, it’s been a while so i’m just going where my imagination takes me. So i’ll probably be posting another one for tomorrow before the motivation leaves me. Hope you all like it.

Word count: 1,953

Pacing back and forth in the living room as you’re having this conversation with your friend and also editor, Hye Jin. Talking you out into the possibility of taking in another project that would put an indefinite pause to your own book.

“I couldn’t possibly say no, she had this whole speech on how she wanted to make this book for her baby. To read to her when she’s old enough. Words from a loving mother for her newborn child, my goodness.” You stopped and sighed. “I know, but having to accept this means also putting your book on hold, you’ve been working on that for months now—is that really something you are willing to do?” Hye Jin reminded you on the other end. You stopped on your tracks, not saying a word and just looking blankly over the view from your living room. Thinking to yourself, ‘I can’t believe it’s summer already.’

Yoongi who have just woken up and is getting himself some water in the kitchen and were just looking intently at your back not particularly eavesdropping in your conversation, but just looking. You haven’t even realized he walked in.

“I know you, you’re just running away from this. You’ve been so scared of finally publishing something that is yours and yours only. So when a small window of opportunity presents itself you immediately took the ticket to leave.” Hye Jin, your editor who has became a good friend to you throughout these years, has always been good to you—she can so easily read you, too.

“You know for someone who’s actually trying to get pregnant for months now, you don’t seem to understand her feelings. Of course, I’m just here to help.” Weak argument on your end, you know she’s right when she said that you were running away. “You’re always there to help. But what about you? You know for someone who doesn’t want to have kids. I’m surprised you’re too adamant to do this.” Her statement made you laugh. “Have you changed your mind?” She added.

“I may not want kids, but I’m not heartless.”

And those were the last phrase Yoongi heard from you as we backed to his room.

Your conversation with Hye Jin went on for a couple more minutes only to end up with some sort of a compromise.

“You’ll need minimum 3-4 months, and probably maximum 6/7 months to wrap this all up? You need to get this done more quickly. That’s my only deal.” You sighed in defeat. “I’ll try.” Ending the call and waving the white flag. You too were also not sure of what you’re getting yourself into. Is it just you running away? Or is this the small part of you feeling guilty again.

“You’ll need minimum 3-4 months, and probably maximum 6/7 months to wrap this all up? You need to get this done more quickly. That’s my only deal.” You sighed in defeat. “I’ll try.” Ending the call and waving the white flag. You too were also not sure of what you’re getting yourself into. Is it just you running away? Or is this the small part of you feeling guilty again.

Weeks later, Yoongi’s packing up for their fishing trip that his friend, Jin insisted they would come. He felt like he has no choice but it might be good reason to go our for a change.

“Hey, I thought you said you guys were going camping? Why do you have your equipments with you… you poor corporate slave.”

He laughed at your remark. You’re still looking at his stuff all puzzled and confused by how heavy it all looks. You leaned on the kitchen counter as you watch him put his stuff out from his room.

You asked again, “Dont you think it’s a little too much? Cant you leave some stuff? Do you even have clothes in there? How bout food? Not important? Music is life?” He laughed. You’re good at making him laugh.

He finds all of your worrisome-sarcastic remarks endearing. He looked at you and said, “Look, it’s like you—you not taking your ipad everywhere you go. Or that small sketchbook you have. You draw every chance you get, you draw in the middle of lunch or while waiting for someone. And if not your ipad, you draw even on table napkins and ask the waiter for more. It’s the same for me.”

You let out a smile at his comparison.

“Okay okay, point taken mister. Point. Taken. But my ipad wont break my back—just saying.” You teasingly replied.

“Maybe i can leave some.” Looking at his bags and talking to himself as he puts some of his stuff back in his room and minutes later he’s done preparing for their camping tomorrow.

“All done?” You asked as you look over to a now somehow reduced luggage. “I’ll help you put some of it in your car.”

You carried with him some of his bags as he is the type to have everything ready before leaving.

As you walked down the stairs, just carrying the lightest possible baggage you could ever find. “You sure you have enough food in here?” Lifting the bag and shaking to hear whats inside. “I mean i know you can certainly whip anything and turn it into a meal but this looks like there’s just ramen in here.”

He finds you cute when you worry.

“We’ll do grocery tomorrow on our way, no worries.” That statement puts you at ease. You reached the ground floor and towards his car. “That sounds good. I mean—just incase the fishing thing wont work out. You know, like last time? There might be a lot of fish in the sea and then suddenly there’s none for you—i mean that in the most literal sense. Not just in women, you know—just incase.” Teasing him again and bringing up the time he went home from a fishing trip. He was so tired, they didn’t caught a single fish. And the trip was cut short and they all immediately went home. He declared then to never go with Jin again but I guess, he love that Hyung of him a lot to be packing all these for yet another fishing trip.

There’s a good sense of companionship between the two of you. The way you can always make him smile without even trying. The way you always tease him lightly. He’s known you for a while, has seen you with your friends and he knows that you’re just the warmest person—to everyone, not just to him. But it looks like something has been bothering you lately, he even offered if you wanted to go with him on their fishing trip, assuring you that Jin and Hoseok are good people and nothing bad will happen. But you respectfully declined. Not just because you don’t eat fish but because you just need some time alone. Not that Yoongi has ever been a bother to you in any way too but just alone would be nice, you thought.

Yoongi will be gone for the whole weekend and possibly be returning on Sunday afternoon. You don’t have any particular plans just work and then some more work. As soon as you’re both back into the apartment you asked, “You’re leaving tonight? At midnight?”

“Yeah around that time, why?” Yoongi confirmed.

“Nothing.”

“Are you okay?” He asked, as you stopped in front of the refrigerator to get yourself some coffee.

“Yeah, why won’t I be?”

“You do know you say that a lot.” Yoongi grabbed himself a glass and grabbed the pitcher in your hand and you just smiled. “There’s not much meat left in the fridge, couple of things are missing too. You want me to go to grocery before I leave?” Leaning in the kitchen sink and drinking your coffee. You let out a deep sigh unknowingly. “No, I’ll go. Don’t worry.” You left your empty glass onto the sink. “I’m just saying, I can go if you’re not up for it.” You shake your head to reassure him, “I don’t mind, okay? I’m going to be fine.” You walked passed him as you went to your room.

Yoongi definitely knows that something’s been bothering you for days. He doesn’t want to pry, if you don’t want to talk about it. He just keeps looking at you, just in case you want to talk—these days your mind has always been elsewhere and there’s just so much work to be done.

You wanted to say goodbye before he left but you fell asleep in the middle of the evening and woke up half past one. You went outside to check and it looks like he already left. You got yourself some water from the kitchen and there’s a post-it left in the fridge that says, “Got you some groceries, call me if there’s anything.” You opened fridge and he even refilled your ice creams. You know you couldn’t have a more thoughtful cat. Even when he went away for almost a week for work and you were dying from a sky high fever, you never really called him for anything. But he constantly reminds you that you always can.

Yoongi volunteered to drive this time for some odd reason. It’ll be an almost 2 hour drive from Seoul to Daejeon, he actually doesn’t mind driving and quiets enjoy it more than he’d ever admit. Everything is set, their fishing trip as orchestrated by his hyung, Jin and Hoseok who had no choice but to be dragged unto this trip. They’ve been his friends for the longest time, being in the same company who also works in the industry. Hoseok, a renowned choreographer and Jin, one of the company directors in his agency. He never would’ve agreed to yet another fishing trip if only Jin didn’t promised to have everything paid for and ready to go. He held Hoseok hostage though and so he has no choice but to go as well. Sleeping at the passenger’s seat they both drifted away as Yoongi drives.

They have gone to multiple fishing trips over the years, some where even overseas during their vacation and something wrong always turn out like the time they have to cut the trip short because they have been sitting in the boat for hours and they haven’t caught a single thing. The owner of the boat found it odd too.

But to Yoongi’s surprise everything’s turning out smoothly, on their second day of camping they were able to caught a lot of salmon and have it for dinner. Stuck in his own thoughts while grilling some salmon, Jin shouted. “Yoongi-ah! You’re burning it.” Immediately going back to reality, and thankfully saving the precious fish from burning. “What are you thinking about so deeply?”

“No it’s nothing, Hyung.” He replied as he kept tending to his almost burnt fish.

Once grilling is done they all gathered to have their dinner with some drinks. Soju and beer is always present and with Hoseok around to play some games. In the middle of all the silliness that is Jin and Hoseok and taking the game way too seriously for their own good. Jin asked Yoongi, “Why are you always staring at your phone?” He immediately hide it and said, “No nothing, hyung.”

“What are you thinking of again?” Knowing how Yoongi is sometimes, Jin pried as Yoongi kept looking distracted the entire trip. “Nothing, Hyung. Really.”

“Okay, it’s your turn.” Giving him his Nintendo, he eventually added “If this is about Hyuna, just let me know if you don’t want to work with her again. Maybe we can do something about it.” Yoongi let out a chuckle and drank a shot of soju. “Hyung it’s nothing really, it’s not about her either. The work is fine, we actually finished it sooner than I thought. You must have heard it already.” Jin eventually took the game from Yoongi replied, “I did, you guys were really professional about all this.”

“Of course.” Yoongi proudly replied as he sneaked a peek into his phone again. Unconsciously waiting for some call.

moodboard sr: x x x

[allthingsfangirl101]

What Ifs–Zac Efron

Masterlist

Zac's POV

I looked up, my face burning when I saw Y/N walking with her eyes focused on her iPad. Her hair was tossed over one shoulder as she chewed on her bottom lip.

She looked up, our eyes instantly falling on each other. She smiled as she walked over to me, tucking her iPad under her arm.

"Hey, Zac," she greeted as she walked up to me. "I'm glad I caught you before you went back to the hotel."

"Yeah," I said, trying to hide the shakiness. "What can I do for you?"

I'd like to take you to dinner, I thought. And maybe more. . .

"Well, the jet leaves tomorrow morning at 10," she started to explain our travel planes. "The latest they need you at the airport is 9:30 so you can sleep in a little, but try not to sleep too late. I feel like I should give you a wake-up call."

"Only if you come into the room, banging pots and pans together," I tried to say teasingly. I smiled victoriously when I made her laugh.

"Is that what it takes to wake up the Zac Efron?" She teased back.

"I'm a heavy sleeper," I shrugged.

"Anyway," she chuckled, "I'll have a car waiting for you outside the hotel at 9. The flight is supposed to be about 5 hours. It's a little longer than our previous flights, but I have a bag of games if you get restless."

She sent me a teasing wink before going through the rest of my schedule. I met Y/N during my first meeting with Netflix about the show. Netflix hired her to be my assistant while we traveled. The more I talked to her, the more I realized she was too good to just be an assistant.

"Why are you working for Netflix?" I blurted out without thinking. "I mean. . . You have all the certifications, training, and experience to be a travel agent, and yet you work for Netflix, planning our trips. Why aren't you working for some big travel agency?"

I held my breath, expecting her to be offended but she laughed.

"It's simple," she shrugged. "I could plan the vacation of a lifetime for a family, or I can help you plan adventures for you and your viewers."

"I didn't think about it like that," I said under my breath. She sent me a smile, about to say something but was cut off.

"Y/N?" We turned around to see Darin waving her over.

"I'll see you later?" She asked as she slowly started to walk away.

"Yeah," I stuttered. "Definitely."

                         * * * * *

"Tell me something," Dylan laughed as he sat on the desk. "How long have you had a high-school crush on your assistant?"

I froze with my pair of pants still in my hand. I cleared my throat before putting my pants in my suitcase and grabbing a shirt.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, clearing my throat.

"Come on," my brother scoffed. "It's so obvious."

"It is not," I defended myself. I cleared my throat again when I saw the knowing look on his face.

"Everyone knows, man," he sighed.

"Everyone?" I stuttered.

"Well, not everyone," he smirked. "Y/N is completely clueless to you being in love with her."

"I'm not. . ."

"Zac," he sighed. "I know what you're doing."

"What am I doing?"

"You're forcing yourself not to fall for Y/N."

"What?" I scoffed. "I'm not. . ."

"You are," he cut me off. "Ever since you got your life back on track, since you decided to step away from Hollywood, you haven't been allowing yourself to be happy. You're self-sabotaging, Zac."

"What do you mean?" I asked, barely audible.

"You know that being with Y/N could make you incredibly happy," he explained, "but you refuse to break down your walls for her."

I took a shaky breath, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I ran my fingers through my hair and leaned my elbows on my knees.

"What if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same?"

"What if she does and you never find out?"

I looked down at my hands, nervously rubbing them together. I took a shaky breath before looking back up at my brother.

"I can't," I stuttered.

"Zac," he started but I cut him off.

"I can't drag her into this," I said, standing up and wiping my hands on my pants. "I'm a mess and she doesn't deserve a guy who will only drag her down."

                         * * * * *

The next morning, I walked into the hotel lobby to see Dylan talking to Y/N. I bit my lip, holding in a smile when she laughed at something my brother said. A wave of jealousy washed over me as Y/N reached forward and touched his arm as she laughed. She playfully pushed him before shaking her head.

I watched as she excused herself and walked away from my brother with a smile still on her face. As she went to check with the guy behind the desk, I walked over to Dylan.

"Hey," I said, trying to hide my jealousy. "What were you and Y/N talking about?"

"You were jealous," Dylan laughed. He cleared his throat when he saw the way I was looking at him. "Come on," he sighed.

"What?" I stuttered.

"Y/N and I were talking about horrible hotels we've stayed in, but you thought we were flirting," he said in a knowing tone. "Zac, a guy isn't jealous when a girl talks to another guy unless he has feelings for her. The idea of Y/N being with another guy obviously bothers you."

"Maybe," I said under my breath.

"Then do something about it!" He sighed. "You care about Y/N. So tell her before some other guy comes around and notices how amazing she is."

"But what if. . ."

"Enough with the 'what ifs', Zac," Dylan cut me off. "Those are the two most damning words in the English language. When put together, those two words have the ability to stop you in your tracks, force you back into a whole, and make you lose the one person who could make you happy."

I glanced over at Y/N, nervously chewing my bottom lip. "You really think I should ask her out?" I mumbled.

"Ask her out before Steve does."

"Wait, what?" I asked, stopping him from walking away. "Steve, the camera guy likes Y/N?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "Almost as much as you do. He's had a thing for her since we hired him after Mark left."

Dylan smirked and nodded towards Y/N. My heart sank into my stomach when I saw Steve walking over to Y/N and start talking to her.

"Dude," Dylan said, clearing his throat. "Just go get her."

I left my brother and walked over to Y/N and Steve, interrupting their conversation.

"Hey," Y/N said, turning away from Steve and towards me. "You ready to go?"

"I am," I nodded. "Thanks to you."

"I know," Steve chuckled. "I don't know where we would be without her."

"We'd probably be stuck in LAX."

My comment made Y/N laugh. I hid my victorious smirk as Steve excused himself and helped organize the luggage.

"So," Y/N said, slightly clearing her throat. "Are you excited to go to Puerto Rico?"

"I am," I chuckled. "I'm kinda surprised you got Chef José Andrés to agree to do our show."

"It actually wasn't that hard to get him to agree," she shrugged. "I just told him what message you were trying to portray and what you'd already done in the previous cities. He loved it and jumped at the chance to be a part of it."

"Wow," I said under my breath. "That's. . . Amazing."

"That's my job," she joked. "Oh! I think I might be able to get permission for you to milk a goat and try some ceviche."

"What's ceviche?"

"It's a seafood dish with diced cubes of raw fish marinated in either a lemon or lime juice mixture," she explained. "The reaction of the citrus juices cure the fish protein and causes it to become. . . What?"

She cut herself off when she saw the look on my face. She nervously bit her bottom lip, her cheeks turning red.

"Nothing," I chuckled. "Sorry. I just. . . I love how excited you get about this kinda stuff."

"Oh," she said under her breath.

"I love how passionate you get about work," I continued. "I mean, you could be working for a big travel agency. I know you said you like this better, but you could be doing a lot more and you choose to plan my galavanting around the world."

"I like planning your galavanting," she giggled.

"And I like you."

My eyes widened when I blurted that out. Y/N's eyes slowly widened as my words registered.

"You. . . You what?" She asked under her breath. I sighed, deciding not to hold back anymore.

"I like you," I confessed. "I like you a lot, Y/N. Ever since you started working with us, I find myself wanting nothing more than to spend time with you. The experiences I've had have been incredible, but I find myself still wanting to see you at the end of the day. I know it's not exactly professional for us to start dating, and I'm not assuming that you'd be willing to go out with me, but I couldn't handle thinking 'what if' anymore."

Y/N reached up and covered my mouth with her hand, cutting me off. She smiled up at me as she slowly moved her hand away from my mouth.

"If you stopped nervously rambling, I could tell you that I like you too," she said, her voice soft.

"You. . . You do?"

"I like you a lot, Zac," she chuckled, her cheeks turning pink. "Ever since I started working with you, I find myself wanting nothing more than to spend time with you."

It was my turn to cut her off as I grabbed her waist and pulled her into me. She gasped as I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. She didn't hesitate before kissing me back.

As our lips moved in sync, I tightened my arms around her and pulled her closer to me. I felt her smile as she slid her hands up my chest, wrapping her arms around my neck.

We pulled apart when we heard someone yelling that the airport shuttle was outside. We looked into each other's eyes, not saying anything as we smiled at each other.

"Do you think, when we get to Puerto Rico, I can take you out to dinner?" I asked under my breath.

"As long as we don't have to catch, gut, and kill our dinner," she teased, "I'm down."

[wilderlingdev]

devlog #02 - 400 followers, wohoo! + some progress

hey, everyone! we just hit 400 followers, which is mind-blowing for me, especially with how spotty my presence here has been these past weeks (months? what is time even). thank you so much for showing interest in both briarheart and the hanging heart. it means a lot to me.

the hanging heart

as i said in the hanging heart's intro post (here, if you haven't seen it), this will be a very short game for interact-if's game jam, though i have my doubts about making it in time. i started very late and work + real life problems have made it difficult for me to sit down and write. i have the whole game planned, so sit down and write is all i need to do, really. the only thing i'm worried about is a small mechanic i want to include but that i might not have time to test even if i make it in time for the game jam.

i'm really excited about the story, though! i'm honestly just going a bit crazy with it, not in the sense of "wow" things happening all the time, but in the sense that i'm cramming all my favorite tropes and imagery and, well, everything in this tiny little story. i love (as some of you might have noticed) forest magic, weird fantasy stuff and time shenanigans, so this is more or less what you can expect from the hanging heart.

i'm trying to get back into drawing as well and this short game (and ffxiv endwalker, to be fair) gave me some inspiration to dig up my ipad for the first time in some weeks. here's the full image from the intro post, because i quite like it, even if my anatomy is wonky:

and here's a tiny snippet from the game:

The hungering tree stands tall on the hill beyond the village.

Its skeletal branches cast long shadows on the moss-covered rooftops, fingers creeping up the stone and wood to brush against the fires hidden by shuttered windows. A part of you knows it can’t be true - the tree isn’t big enough, the village is well beyond its reach, and as much as the sun moves through the sky the slithering shadows don’t stray from their path. But your eyes do not deceive you. Impossible as it is, the hungering tree hungers.

briarheart

my main project, briarheart, is a different beast from the hanging heart, mostly because i think it's going to be huge. like i said in my last devlog, i've been writing for years, but only linear, regular fantasy novels, not interactive fiction, so it's hard for me to gauge just how big briarheart will be. my favorite IF games are heavy on choice and consequence, and that means a lot of content and keeping track of tons of details. it's hard to make something like this (for me, at least), but i believe it's worth it.

in short, i'm taking my time with the first chapter. i wrote a bit for it, didn't like it, scrapped it all, went back to the drawing board and have something i like quite a bit more now. again, i just need to sit down and write it now, but well, i have the hanging heart for this month and also life in general. i plan on going back to the first chapter once the hanging heart is done, which hopefully will be by the end of this month.

that's all, i think. thank you again for 400 followers and please feel free to ask/suggest anything. i will probably write some lore posts for briarheart soon, either on faes and elves or on the main places of the crowned grove.

see you all in the next devlog!

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Out Of The Blue - Part 3

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 1300+

Summary: Reader has some exciting news to share with her longtime boyfriend Chris but what happens when he beats her to it with some news of his own?

A/N: I think i got everyone who asked to be tagged, if i didnt please send me an ask so i dont loose it 🤣

Please like/comment/share 💕

Hearing Chris's voice i pushed back my chair and made my way to the front door.

"She's not here" i heard Alex say as i got closer.

"Come on man, its important...."

"Alex it's fine, i'll be okay" i spoke up. I saw Chris sigh with what looked like relief?... but it was quickly replaced with a look of regret, maybe a little fear. Good!

"I'll just be in there" he pointed back towards the dining room " if you need me...."

"I'll let you know" i smiled. Alex eyed Chris once more before reluctantly retreating.

"How'd you find me?" I asked crossing my arms, it was kinda like my protective barrier.... he hated when i did this.

"Um, you used your card for gas.... a notification came up on your iPad. I looked up the gas station and drove out there. I asked the cashier if she'd seen you...."

"Great" i rolled my eyes, making a mental not to turn of my notifications!

"She said she remembered you coming in because you looked exhausted and she tried to get you to stay in a motel. But that you told her you only had an hours journey... thats when i kinda figured this was where you were. I didn't think you'd come this far to be honest".

"Was kinda the point"

Chris nodded sadly realising that i came here because i knew he wouldn't think id drive all the way out to Chelsea's.

"I know I'm the last person you wanna see right now, but Y/N we need to talk about some stuff...."

"Not here, i don't want the kids hearing" i said stepping outside and walking across the street to where his car was parked.

Once we were both in the car i turned to face him trying to keep myself from crying, because my god that was all i wanted to do!

"So what do you wanna talk about.... how you cheated on me??"

"I made the biggest mistake of my life. Its over i promise you.... it was never serious, but what i was doing.... it should never had happened!!"

"You slept with someone else of course it shouldn't have happened!!" I shouted.

"I never slept with her!!"

"What??!"

"I never slept with her i promise!"

"But you said you've been seeing someone!"

Chris nodded running his hand over his bearded jaw "it wasn't about sex, we just connected on an emotional level....I didnt even realise it was a problem at first...."

he sighed "but i found myself seeking her out when i was having a bad day. When things got hard with us.... we'd been trying everything to get pregnant and it just wasn't happening"

"You confided in her??! About our relationship?..."

"I was stressed and i blamed myself..... i felt like i was letting you down. I felt us drifting apart...." he told me sadly "i don't even know when it happened. But i started spending a lot of time with her...."

"And less time with me. All while i was sitting waiting for you to come home like an idiot! I know it was hard trying to get pregnant Chris but thats no excuse for you doing this! You should have come to me!" I turned my head away to wipe away some stray tears that managed to escape.

"Please don't cry dahlin'...."

"How can i not??....."

"Tell me how i can make this right? I don't want to loose you...."

"Im not sure you can. Chris do you have any idea how this makes me feel?? I feel like I'm not enough for you..."

"You are! I promise you, you are enough..."

"Clearly im not or we wouldn't be having this conversation!"

"So thats it? You're just gonna give up on us?"

"I wasn't the one who gave up on us. My god Chris, i would've done anything for you..... you were my world!"

"And now?....."

"Right now i can't even stand looking at you" i said sadly "my heart is in pieces..... i still can't wrap my head around the fact you did this. Its so out of the blue..... i thought we were happy" I cried into the sleeve of my jumper "i was so excited to tell you i was finally pregnant...... this baby couldn't have happened at a worser time. This should be one of the happiest days of my life but its been anything but happy".

"Will you just come home, please? We can sort this out...."

"I can't. I think we need some time apart"

"No..." he cried, tears running down his face "baby please don't leave me...."

"Go home Chris" i said quickly as i opened the door and stepped out.... i was in such a rush to get away from him that i didn't see the SUV coming towards me.

"Y/N!!!!" Was the last thing i heard before everything went black.

"Y/N!.... Y/N wake up....." i could hear Chris' voice as i slowly opened my eyes.

"Chris.....?"

"Yeah baby its me, you were dreaming" he said quietly as his hand stroked up and down my back. It was then that i realised i was laying in bed with Chris' arms around me.

It had all been a dream??!

I suddenly burst into tears, sobbing into Chris' bare chest.

"Hey.... hey whats wrong?" He asked tightening his hold on me "is it your dream?"

I nodded as i continued to cry "it was h..horrible! It felt so real...."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No. Chris let go of me.... i think I'm gonna be sick...." i pulled out of his arms and ran to the en suite. I made it just in time before i spilled my guys into the toilet.

Once the sickness passed i headed downstairs telling Chris i needed a minute to myself. I knew it was a dream... he hadn't actually done anything wrong, but i was pissed at Chris and felt ridiculous! I was sitting on the sofa under a blanket holding a warm mug of Chamomile tea when he came walking in. He hovered in the doorway for a minute before finally coming to sit next to me on the sofa.

"Look i'm not sure what i did to piss you off but will you come back to bed please? You know i hate sleeping without you"

"You haven't done anything wrong" i reached out and took his hand "that dream just really shook me up"

"Talk to me.... you might feel better if you talk about it"

"I... i found out i was pregnant...."

"Dahlin, its gonna happen i promise...." he quickly added thinking that was the reason i was so upset, because that part of my dream was real.... we'd been trying to get pregnant for so long now but it just wouldn't take.

"Thats not what got to me..... i found out i was pregnant but before i got to tell you, you came home from work and told me you had been seeing someone else. It felt so real...."

"Sweetheart....." Chris looked at me sadly tightening his hold on my hand "it was just a dream. I would never do that to you.... you're my world. Id be lost without you"

"It was horrible Chris! It felt so real! I left and went to Chelsea' but you tracked me down..... we were arguing in your car one minute, the next I'm getting out to leave and i got hit by a car! then i woke up...."

"I know it felt real, but its not. Im not going anywhere, you're stuck with me"

He pulled me in and pressed a tender kiss to my lips "i love you".

"I love you too".

"Sweetheart?.... are you crying again?"

"Yes!" I cried loudly, my god i was a mess! Chris chuckled softly.

"You're not still pissed at me because of your dream are you?"

"No! Im just very emotional!"

"Okay don't get mad at me but, are you sure you're not pregnant?".

I sat up straight on the sofa and stopped crying long enough to think about when i had my last period.

"Oh my god.... i'm late" i gasped, I was never late! "Do you think this is really it?"

"I hope so dahlin!" Chris replied with a huge smile.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @hiddelstannerbarnes @bellamy-barnes @buchanansebba @rosalynshields @turtoix @dottirose

Out Of The Blue tags: @kenzieam @ilovetheeagles @mrspeacem1nusone @kawairinrin @coldmuffinpartycloud @memoriesat30 @idk123906 @thummbelina @uniquebeautyqueen