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#I needed to sleep 2 hours ago why do I do this to myself
fingertipsmp3 · 2 years
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I really got my period today and was like “oh this isn’t so bad. Maybe I don’t really get pains anymore now that I’m actually taking my pills” and then got RAMMED with backache
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transgaysex · 2 years
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im about to go to sleep but everybody needs to wish me good luck i have 3 whole finals this week
#wind howls#i have so many weird feelings#tomorrow is arguably the hardest what with it being the philosophy exam and having to write almost a thousand words abt freedom and not#i am terrified. i want to be done with philosophy so desperately and i want to know and prove to myself that i CAN be okay at school#and yet what a thrill it is to be terrified of a final exam. it means i did manage to make it this far !#whether im confident or not doesnt matter. what matters is that im taking this damn final no matter what. scared and all#im gonna fucking do it ! and even if i dont pass it ill still have done it and im going to be proud of myself for being able to do it !!!#im terrified ! but im glad i get to be a lil scared and know ill still do it and itll pass rather than letting th stress get the best of me#which is probably what i wouldve done 2 years ago. ive grown baby ! im celebrating that for my own wellbeing and because i deserve to.#tuesday is my french final (even though theres another exam afterwards. dont as me why. its dumb as hell but this is the biggest one)#and thursday i gotta hand in my exploration final (and then ill be done with that!) and present my gym class exam#which im not afraid of. i have to come up with a training routine for like an hour and present it to a classmate and theyll grade me#surprisingly its the one im most confident in. i love being an instructor and i miss it ! and ive built lectures for days that were worse !#so im actually quite excited for that one hehehe#ah ! i need to sleep now though#everybody wish me luck ! goodnight !
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Ok, everyone's been doing this lately, so I also need myself one of those.
Haven't been able to start doing anything for way too long now. I AM planning on starting going through my to do list now on the weekends, but 3 hours in my day I haven't been very successful about it... So some extra motivation would be extremely helpful right now.
Ok, let's do this:
10 notes I'll do my Finnish Duolingo for today (5 lessons)
20 notes I'll start doing some stupid music assignment that'll take 20 min max what even is the point of music assignments?!
40 notes I'll start the other a bit bigger and less stupid music assignment I still don't get the point of music assignments
70 notes I'll write a review of a random piece of media (most likely GO, anybody surprised?) for English class
100 notes I'll clean my room
200 notes I'll complete my part of the Economics presentation (due on Monday)
400 notes I'll start writing my Economics essay (also due on Monday)
700 notes I'll go ahead and learn Finnish for 2-3 hours cos I really need to and I haven't been doing it for a month already so every time I have the online lesson I have no idea what those guys are talking about
950 notes I'll go for a walk (and may or may not buy myself some chocolate)))
1000 notes I'll go to sleep early (like 22:00 early)
All tasks before the cut are all more or less due on Monday
1200 notes I'll learn some Maths I've been putting off for way too long (it's not school work but still. I'm getting dumb without it)
1500 notes I'll start researching for universities for my future studies
1900 notes Do a presentation about the them for sharing in class (why do we have to do this?!)
2000 notes I'll start finally doing my research practice essay task (first part of which was due a month ago😭) (I did confess to the teacher tho, and she said it's not a big deal now, because it's not even graded, but it is for my own good because next year it will be very much graded)
5000 notes and I'll read the book we have to read for the exam and start getting ready to tell the teacher something coherent for 10 min straight on the exam day (I don't think I'll be physically able to do it, I'll start asphyxiating on the second minute of the speech (not that I have breathing problems, but the social anxiety does things to me))
Idk is that the appropriate amount of notes for each task?....
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footballerimaginess · 7 months
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Baby Bellingham
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This is about a dream that I had and you voted for Jude. Jude Bellingham Word Count: 687 "I am so tired" you let out a loud over exaggerated yawn as Jude spins around on his gaming chair as he watched you. "How are you so tired? you literally only got up an hour ago." Jude looked at you with a slight hint of concern in his voice.
"I don't know, maybe I didn't sleep well. I have been feeling like this for a while now. I just can't seem to shift it at all and I don't get why" you sighed as you laid your head on the side as he walked over to you. "Oh really, you should have told me. Maybe we need to see the doctor?" Jude suggested. "What, no J. I am absolutely fine, I don't need to go anywhere. Maybe I am just coming down with something" you quickly dismissed the doctors suggestion. "Why not babe? You need to know what is going on, you're like a zombie these days and I am a bit worried about you if I am honest" Jude muttered as he sat down on the sofa beside you. "But what if it is bad? I am just scared, I don't feel myself and I can't seem to shake it off. Okay shall I speak to the doctor?" you asked as you stood up, feeling off balance as Jude caught you. "Maybe we should go and see the doctor now, is there something you're not telling me?" Jude asked again. "What would I be hiding from you? I'm fine" you mumbled, wanting this conversation to be over with. "Well we both know that you aren't, so`I want to ask you something?" Jude turned and faced you as you simply nodded. "Yes?" you glanced up and saw him nervously bit his lip as he was hesitant to ask you the question. "Is there a chance that you could be pregnant?" he asked bluntly as you opened your mouth to reply, but something triggered in your brain. "Oh fuck- how did you know?" you clasped your hands over your mouth as you felt a small tear escape down your face. "I just guessed and well I looked at the symptoms online. Shall we go and get you some tests or to the doctor?" Jude asked as he moved across as he wiped your eyes gently. "Get a test I suppose, how could I have been so stupid" you put your head in your hands as Jude kneels down in front of you. "Hey, none of that please baby. You weren't stupid or are stupid. Come here, we can do this together" Jude cuddled you tightly as he helped you up off from the chair as you headed to the car. The drive was only a quick drive, but it felt like it was taking forever to get inside and grab a test. "You okay going in?" He asked as you grabbed your phone and purse as you ran into the local pharmacy. "Got one, shit who knew there were so many types of tests in one place. My mind was all over the place picking one, so I just picked two because well guess they are better than none" you laughed as you both drove home. Once you got home, you made sure you ripped the test box open as you took the test. "3 minutes" you whispered as you placed the test on the counter as Jude slowly opened the door as he crept in behind you. "This feels like the longest time ever" he laughed as you examined the test in front of you. "Shit" you whispered as you watched as the digital test flashed right in front of you. "Oh my god" you pointed as you saw the test result changed as it said 'Pregnant 2-3 weeks' you gasped loudly as Jude watched the test as if the result was going to change. "Wow, we are having a baby" Jude whispered as he pulled his hand into your hand. "We are, I can't believe it. Baby Bellingham is in there" you mumbled as he placed his hand on your stomach. "Baby Bellingham" he grinned.
Would you like a part 2 or make this into a series until the baby?
Taglist: @screechingphantompuppy @ghwoticz
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being-addie · 1 year
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Stop sleeping on yourself.
Say it with me. STOP👏SLEEPING👏ON👏YOURSELF👏.
What are you doing? Scrolling through TikTok and Instagram first thing in the morning? Staring at your dreams through pixels, when you could be living them? You know what has to be done to achieve it, but you'll never get it if you keep making excuses.
You want a better body? Eat cleaner and go to the gym REGULARLY.
You want clearer skin? Start and MAINTAIN a consistent skincare routine?
You want to be good at playing guitar? Play a little bit EVERY DAY.
You want to get into that college? Put in the hours of study that are NEEDED.
All those people who you see and get jealous of didn't get there in one day. They worked on themselves constantly. They got there through sheer persistence and consistency. You don't become better magically. You TAKE ACTION.
Discipline is a skill you cultivate, it's not a talent. I wake up at 5:30 in the morning EVERY DAY because I made myself get out of bed when my alarm went off. I'm getting good at Spanish, because I do my lessons EVERY DAY, without fail. I'm getting the body of my dreams because I make conscious choices to be healthy EVERY DAY.
I've been seeing self-help advice like "Oh, just be confident!" "Love yourself the way you are!"
Yeah, no shit, but it's hard to be confident when you don't feel good in your own skin. If it's something that can't be changed, acceptance will take time. But if it's something that YOU can change, why aren't you doing that? The gym is right around the corner, you don't need 20 more minutes of Netflix or TikTok. Stop making excuses for a lazy version of yourself.
You deserve better. And only you can get yourself the best things if you stop staying passive and make real changes to your life.
I know this isn't like my usual posts, but I had this revelation about 2 nights ago and while being soft with yourself is good and all, you need to mentally snap yourself out of choosing the easy way out.
Work on yourself, and everything will work out.
🦋Work on yourself, and everything will work out🦋
xoxo
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waevrs · 1 year
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ᴄᴏᴍᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇᴅ.
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Pairings: ShieldAgent! Natasha x ShieldAgent!Fem! Reader
Summary: You're tired of always fighting with her, but you just can't help but feel an attachment to her. Even if it gets you hurt.
Warning: Y/N has powers like Venom, Angst, Fluff if you squint, Injury
Parts: 1 // 2 // 3
I dragged myself into the kitchen the next morning and poured myself some coffee. I hadn't got any sleep last night due to a certain redhead having the time of her life with a random guy she found on the streets.
"You look like shit." Tony remarked, also sipping on his coffee. Clint and Steve were also seated on the kitchen island with bags under their eyes. I guessed they couldn't sleep either, and that was saying something because they all slept on different floors than me and Natasha.
"Oh yeah? Blame that one on Romanoff." I quipped, taking a sip of my coffee.
"Blame what on me?"
Ah yes, the devil herself. The one responsible for the sleepless night. She walked into the kitchen as if she wasn't screaming the building down literally 5 hours ago. She had a baggy shirt on, definitely not hers, and boxers, also not hers. Her hair was a mess and she had the audacity to walk into the kitchen yawning.
"Uh, maybe the fact that none of us slept due to your screaming." Tony expressed. Natasha just simply chuckled and made herself a coffee.
"Tony, please soundproof her room." I suggested, turning to Tony, Steve and Clint.
"It already is soundproofed..." Clint muttered. Natasha laughed again. Is this woman serious?
"Okay then," I piped, turning towards Natasha. "The next time you decide to get railed, keep it down so the rest of us can sleep."
There was unadulterated venom behind my words, and I made sure she knew that.
"Since when does my sex life have anything to do with you?" She scoffed.
"Since we have a fucking mission Natasha! I hope you weren't fucked too hard because I am not slowing down for you!" I growled and slammed the mission file onto the kitchen island. Everyone in there looked at me in shock and Clint just smirked and took a sip of his coffee.
"She's got a point, you kn-" Steve began.
"Can it, old man." Natasha interrupted. Why is she mad? She literally kept the whole building awake and now she's mad? I don't understand her. I walked away, coffee in hand, and got ready for the mission.
Some time passed and we boarded the Quinjet, not before getting a lecture from Fury. Romanoff and I hadn't spoken a word to each other. Maybe that was for the best.
The mission was in another Hydra base. Although, this time it was to shut the place down. It was going to be more challenging because I had to do most of the fighting, due to Ms. Imgonnagetrailedbeforeamission limping everywhere.
After some walking, we got into the Hydra base. Using my powers, we slipped through corridors upon corridors of grey walls and floors. We were still avoiding communication, despite me literally carrying her through the halls. I don't know how we got to this position but she was on me with her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck and I was holding onto her with one arm, so I could use the other to shoot my gun. I mean sure, to turn both of us into a shadow I needed her off of the ground but it started with me carrying her, bridal style, and now it evolved into this.
We came across a hallway where there were some Hydra agents patrolling and I brought us out of the shadows and went to put Natasha down. Her grip on me just tightened and she took my gun from the holster on my thigh and aimed it behind her. She shot 3 bullets without looking and they hit the agents vitally.
"Turn around I can't see." She ordered, finally speaking the first words to me since the morning. I obliged knowing she's the better shot. Still, I was confused as to why she didn't want to come down.
Natasha fired 2 more bullets at the 2 remaining Hydra agents that were left dumbfounded by her sudden attack. Their lifeless bodies hit the concrete floor with a thud.
"Am I warm, Romanoff?" I teased when she placed my gun back into my holster.
"Put me down." She deadpanned.
"What? I was just joki-"
"I said. Put. Me. Down." She reiterated. I let her down and she rolled her eyes and stormed off in a random direction. I followed her closely, not wanting to compromise the mission. Through the bland halls we walked, only stopping when we believed that we heard something. The floor was concrete so it hurt to walk on for a long period of time and I could tell that Natasha was getting uncomfortable too.
This place, this hallway in particular, seemed all to familiar to me.
And that's when it hit me.
Something was wrong about this place. This was the place where my vision occurred.
Danger ahead, stop walking.
"Natasha, stop. There's something wrong about this place." I realised. She simply scoffed and kept walking.
"Natasha. I'm serious. Stop."
Still nothing. She held her head high and continued walking as if you hadn't said anything.
"Natasha! Would you please just listen to me-"
Stop her now.
I didn't waste time in debating whether or not the voice was toying with me and lunged straight for Natasha, pulling her backwards towards where I stood previously.
Stand infront of her.
In a matter of milliseconds I switched our places so I was in front of her. That's when we heard it
Tick. Tick. Tick.
"Get down!"
I pushed Natasha to the ground and held my arms out, trying to create a shield with my powers in the very short time slot that I had. I decided to cover my head with it and cover Natasha with my body. She opened her mouth to protest but-
BOOM!
Natasha's P.O.V I watched in horror as Y/N's unconscious body collapsed onto mine after the explosion. I blinked a few times and looked around, only now realising that the place was rigged. We only got this far due to sheer luck.
How could I be so stupid? I was too occupied with being petty from our argument that I didn't think to check anything.
"Y/N?" I shook her body a little but she did not reply, not even a stir. I touched her back to move her but froze when I felt a warm liquid slip through my fingertips.
I panicked a little and tried to contact someone from S.H.I.E.L.D.
"H-Hello? Romanoff to S.H.I.E.L.D." I muttered into the earpiece, trying to hide the panic.
"We hear you, your earpiece seems to be working fine-"
"Y/N is compromised. We need emergency evacuation." I interrupted . My mind was racing as I glanced down at the unconscious body laid down on my chest. I took a closer look at the wounds on her back and realised that the bomb was a pipe bomb. Pieces of shrapnel were impaled into her back and she was bleeding pretty badly. My gaze landed on her right leg, where a chunk was missing and the muscle was visible.
An abundance of footsteps echoed through the hallway, towards us. I wrapped my hands around Y/N's waist and pulled her up with me to try and walk in the opposite direction of the footsteps. I put her over my shoulder and ran towards another hallway. Her blood dripped from her wounds and onto my body.
"Moving towards the east side." I huffed into my earpiece. I turned the corner to be greeted by a group of agents, ready, aiming their guns at me and the body on my shoulder.
"Oh, for fuck's sake." Y/N groaned groggily from my shoulder and reached for her gun. A quick sense of relief washed over me before I pulled out one of my guns and began shooting, keeping my other arm wrapped securely around Y/N's waist.
We both started shooting at the agents, with her covering my blind spot and me covering hers. I killed the last agent and continued moving in the direction I was going previously. Y/N shuffled a bit and moved down my body to try and stand up. She wobbled so I put my arms around her waist to support her.
"Nat, I think I was shot." She whispered. The fear in her voice was evident, she was scared she was going to die. I didn't have time to stop and check her so we kept moving towards the east side.
"Hey, I think you got hit too." She voiced with concern, tracing her fingertips over the bullet wound on my shoulder making me wince a little.
I turned another corner and laid her down against the wall. By now, the alarms in the building were blaring and Hydra agents were scouring the area for us. I ripped a bit of fabric from my suit off with my teeth and ripped it in half. I wrapped half around her bullet wound tightly to limit the amount of blood she was losing and wrapped the other half around her leg.
"You're bleeding too." She told me even groggier than last time, pointing towards my shoulder.
"Yeah, I know. You're just my priority right now." I said, my voice wavering due to my fear. I tried so hard to keep a straight face but I couldn't. For the first time in a long time, I felt genuine fear.
Y/N was going to bleed out if we didn't get help soon. And it'd be all my fault.
"Hey...don't blame yourself for this," She whispered, her entire body limp and just her hand coming up to cup my cheek.
"I-It's okay...I'm not...going to die."
"Romanoff, cover your heads." Tony warned through the comms. I pulled Y/N into me and covered her ears and her neck.
Y/N's P.O.V Nat pulled me into her and I relaxed into the crook of her neck, just inhaling her scent. She covered my ears and head with her hands and I tried my best to stay conscious. Maybe resting wasn't the best option. The moment was pure bliss until a hole was blown into the wall.
There stood Tony and Steve looking, or trying to look, like total badasses. Natasha removed her hands from my head quickly and put them on my back, putting pressure on my wounds. My head was fuzzy and my vision was blurry. I was fighting consciousness as Natasha whispered.
"I'm so sorry."
I felt myself get lifted out of Natasha's grasp and into muscular arms. Probably Steve's because, let's face it, Tony is not that muscular.
"Stay with us Y/N." Steve said, although it sounded more like a command.
He set me down in the Quinjet and Bruce started grabbing everything he needed. I felt the consciousness slipping so I decided to spill.
"Natasha's hit too, don't let her tell you otherwise." I flashed a weak, cheeky smile at her before finally closing my eyes.
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The Fake Ring
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Pairing: Jake “Hangman” Seresin x female Reader 
Summary: The three times you lied about your relationship status with a ring and one time you don’t have to anymore or - It’s easier to work as a bartender with a fake ring on your finger to avoid situations. But that also means Jake thinks you’re already in a relationship 
Word Count: ~2.7k 
Warnings: is the beach scene a warning?, discussions about situations when you need to lie you’re in a relationship to get rid of people, me not having a clue about the navy  
AN: I started this story a year ago when I bought myself a fake ring for work. I rewrote it 3 times and I wasn't so sure, if I should post it on this blog, but I love TGM and I had fun writing it, so: Hi Jake, welcome to this blog
When you needed to make sure you were off limits 
The night had just started for you as you were stacking the clean glasses and had just finished counting the register. Nobody was there so far, but that would change when the naval aviators would come in and the folks that tried to talk to them or get one to sleep with them would arrive. They often arrived after them in the hopes they would see their entry. 
You liked the beginning of your shift when you had the room to yourself until the regulars came in and then the aviators. They were nice and often chatted with you until it got crowded. It was how you got to know some of them, and you were especially fond of the group that was currently stationed there. 
Right when you thought about it the door opened and a few of them stepped in. They stopped at the bar and waited for you to make their drinks while small talk floated through the room. They took their drinks and went to their side of the bar where the first bets for a game of pool were placed. 
“You’re not playing tonight?” you asked Hangman who stayed back at the bar with you. 
“I’ll let them a chance of winning before I join them,” he smirked at you and you laughed. He wasn’t wrong though; he was good at pool. And at dart. And at flirting. “I rather keep you company if you have time for me. How was your day?” he asked and took a sip of his beer. You knew that he would quit after the first beer and would switch to something non-alcoholic if the next day was a working day. 
“Same old, same old. Nothing as exciting as flying for sure. I bet you don’t want to hear about me going grocery shopping and that my highlight was to pick up a new book that I got lost in until I noticed I had to leave for work,” you teased as you filled a drink for another customer. 
When you came back Hangman was still there. “I like to hear about everything that makes you happy.” His eyes quickly went to the piece of jewelry on your hand. “I’ll see you later, darling,” he said and stood up before he joined the others at the pool table. You almost forgot about the ring. You started wearing it when people started hitting on you and for the most part it worked. And it was better this way, because you weren’t sure if you could tell Hangman no. 
Hangman flirted all the time, so you wouldn’t be special. Even though he always asked about you and your day and coaxed you into telling more. And people did talk about him a lot and had a certain opinion of him, but he was always respectful and you knew he wouldn’t cross a line. 
That’s why you were seeing him flirting a few hours later with two women who were more than willing to do so. Phoenix had slipped into a seat in front of you. “Another round?” you asked her. It was a slow night so you could give her a few minutes. 
“Yes please, and a break from Hangman's terrible flirting, so don’t hurry,” she replied and it made you laugh. 
“I bet he isn’t that bad,” slipped your lips and you hurried to bend down and grab some bottles, so she couldn’t see your face. But she was still staring at you when you were back on her eyelevel.
2. When you had to protect your heart 
Inventory sucked! There was no other way to describe the days when you had to count how many things you still had at the bar and what you needed to order. You stepped out of the cool bar towards the bench where Penny sat outside. “Okay, I counted...” you never finished the sentence as you just spotted what was happening on the beach. 
“Take a seat, enjoy the show,” Penny chuckled and patted the bench next to her. 
“What is happening?” you managed to get out and stare at the people who were playing some kind of game – shirtless. “Is that Phoenix?” 
“Yup and everyone else. Give me the list,” she held out her hand and you put the paper in her hand before you sat down and started watching whatever was happening there. “I bet we could get a lot of money if we would record that,” you said to your boss. 
“Yeah, but do we like to share?” was her reply and you shook your head no. 
“While we’re at it… what’s going on with Hangman and you?” Her tone was easy, but she looked at you with something that told you there was no escaping that conversation.  
“Nothing. He likes to flirt with everyone, that’s it.” You shrugged your shoulders and let your gaze wander back to the game when a loud shout was heard, and someone lifted a guy – Bob? You weren’t so sure – into the air. 
“If you would take that thing of your finger, maybe,” Penny started, but you interrupted her. 
“There is a reason this is on this finger.” You wiggled your hand, and the small stone caught the sunlight and reflected it. “People won’t accept a no anymore and,” this time it was Penny who interrupted you. 
“Did someone do anything you didn’t want to?” 
“No! It’s just they see it as a challenge when I decline it. But once they see the ring they kind of back off. It's just easier for me this way.” 
“Okay, once they do you tell me. I won’t tolerate anything of that, okay?” She waited until you agreed and patted your hand. Inventory took longer than usual because you were distracted by the game. 
Penny had gone inside to place the order and you were busy collecting everything from the table when a shadow fell over the papers. “Enjoyed the show?”  
“It was okay,” you replied and eyed the sandwich Hangman was eating. He held a half out towards you. After a short hesitation you took it and bit into it. He took Penny’s seat and you shared the food. You were thankful that he had put on a shirt, because otherwise you would have stared at his body. 
“I think I need to have a chat with them,” he said once he finished and licked his finger. You were mesmerized and didn’t catch on immediately.  
“Huh?”  
“Your partner. They need to take better care of you. But I shouldn’t have to point out the obvious that you should feed your partner. You never even told me a name,” he said and looked at you expectingly. 
Suddenly you went hot, caught in your own lie. Never had someone requested a name of you and you couldn’t come up with something. “Maybe because you only talk about yourself,” you said and stood up. You quickly grabbed the papers and threw a “Thank you for lunch” over your shoulder before you went inside the building. 
It was a lie; he was always asking about you. But you knew when you came up with something on such a short notice you would be caught in a web of lies. You needed to think about it.
3. When you had to admit you lied 
“Why don’t you just ask her out?” Bob asked when he saw Jake watching you again at the Hard Deck. 
Jake didn’t even bother to look away from you, only when it was his turn at pool. “Because despite all of you thinking I’m an asshole, I’m not hitting on someone who is taken. It’s just a little flirting and as soon as she tells me to stop I will,” he said while lining up his cue and as he didn’t lower his voice the others were also pulled into the conversation. 
“Who are we talking about?” Rooster asked and hoped his opponent would be too distracted to sink the next ball. 
“His crush,” Coyote jumped in, he had been wanting to bring it up for a while. 
“What crush?” Rooster asked confused. The others just stared at him, while Jake mumbled something about not having a crush. “Don’t look at me, he was just flirting with three different people last week,” Rooster defended himself. 
“They wanted to be entertained and I just did that. It wasn’t as if I was leaving with them though.” Despite the talking he managed to sink two more balls before it was Bradley's turn again. 
“Okay so... if she’s in a relationship, why is she spending her breaks with you? And I haven’t heard her talking about a relationship ever,” Bob thought loudly. “Although she also mostly talks to you and not me.” 
This made Jake pause. Not once had he heard a name from you, he saw the ring and assumed and went from there. But you also didn’t deny anything when he mentioned a partner. But Jake was anything but shy that’s why he left the table without an excuse and stalked to the bar. He waited patiently for you to finish your conversation and shooed Penny away when she wanted to take his order. She gave him a knowing look, but he didn’t break her gaze. Only when he noticed you approaching, he looked in your direction. You shot him a smile and showed him you’d be with him soon. 
“Want a refill?” you asked once you stopped in front of him. 
“Are you in a relationship?” The question made you stop and you stared at him like a deer caught in the headlight. 
“Why are you asking?” Your response told him a lot, so he just raised his eyebrow. “No, I’m not,” you admitted as you didn’t want to lie to him. 
“Okay, then why this?” he pointed at your finger. Another patron showed you he wanted to order something and Penny was busy at the other end of the bar. 
“I’ll join you in my break and explain then, okay? So, about the refill?” 
“I’m good, see you then,” he knocked on the bar twice before he made his way to the restroom. 
You took your break earlier than you would have usually. After a stop in the kitchen you walked over to the pool table with a plate full of nachos and two cokes in your hand. You pushed one in Jakes hand who was leaning against the wall watching the current game. You held out your plate too, but he just shook his head. It was quiet for a while when you watched the other aviators play. 
“How often have you been hit on and the person didn’t back off when you told them you weren't interested? Or were you always interested? Wait, I just realized I asked the wrong person.” You looked around and wanted to ask Phoenix when you spotted Bob. You repeated the question again. Poor Bob looked tortured and admitted it had happened quiet often. 
“Some people even see it as a challenge, especially when more people are around,” Phoenix chimed in who had come over when she spotted you with her back seater. 
“If someone tells me they’re not interested, why should I humiliate myself and try harder?” Jake wondered. 
“Oh Jake, if only everyone would be that way,” you patted his arm and didn’t know why you were surprised that it was quite hard under your touch. “The thing is I’m at work, a little flirting is okay, but people seem to forget that the later it gets. And the easiest way to get them to back off and not cause a scene is this one.” You held up your ring to show him. “This works way better than the I’ve got a boyfriend excuse and don’t even get me started on the girlfriend option.” 
“So why not say anything to me?” Jake finally asked. 
You shrugged. “How should I have known you’d be different back then? And you already noticed it. I didn’t know if you were really interested and that you started asking questions.” 
“Just wanted to make sure you know if you say the word I’ll back down. Will you say the word?” His eyebrow rose while he stared at you, waiting for your answer. 
“Jury is still out. My break is over, if you want to see me you must visit me at the bar,” you threw a wink at Jake before you walked back to the kitchen to return the dishes. 
+ 1 time you didn't need the ring
“Hey darling, okay for me to come in?” you heard Jakes before you saw him. He was standing in the doorway with the sun behind him, so you told yourself this was the reason it was hard to look at him. 
“Sure,” you nodded and he stepped inside. “You alone?” 
“Yeah,” he confirmed and walked towards the bar where you were stacking glasses. “I’m actually here to tell you we’re leaving for a short while so you wouldn’t worry about,” he kind of rambled at the end it caused you to look up at him and stop your task. 
“Are you nervous?” you finally asked. 
“Me? Never!” He tried to sound confident, but you saw right through him. 
“You know how long you’ll be gone?” The walk around the counter towards him was quick and you put your arms around him and pulled him close to you to your first actual hug. It didn’t take him long to return the gesture and his arms found their way around your middle. 
“Not allowed to share,” he mumbled and you noticed how some weight dropped from his shoulder. 
“Okay, well come back safe.”  
He promised you that and let go after a while. It seemed like neither of you were ready for that. 
“Hangman!” He stopped at your yelling just before he was about to leave the place. “Bring back everyone else home too.” 
“Yes, ma’am,” he saluted and left quickly. 
“Keep them coming, sweets. And add whatever you want to and join us.” 
“Thank you, I’m working. But I’ll bring a new round shortly,” you said and sidestepped the table and the outstretched arm to go back to the bar. So far this group wasn’t a real bother, but you had to be careful when the night progressed. And three rounds later they got kind of rowdy telling you to join them again. It was more demanding this time. 
“Is there a problem here?” you suddenly heard a voice behind you and when you turned around you saw Jake behind you. Before you could think about it your arms wrapped themselves around his neck and you hugged him. 
“You’re back! Are you okay, are the others?” Over his shoulder you could see Fanboy, Rooster and Coyote while you spotted a few others making their way over to the pool table. 
“You haven’t answered his question. Is there a problem here?” Roosters smile that he sent your way was gone quickly when he mustered the guys at the table. 
“No problem here at all,” one man said with his arms raised in defense. 
“I sure hope so, we have no problem throwing you overboard,” Jake told them and took your hand and pulled you towards the bar. “Where is your ring?” he asked when he noticed the lack of jewelry. 
“Don’t know. Felt kind of wrong wearing it now,” you shrugged. 
“How about we make a deal?” he asked and you just realized how close the two of you were. “You don’t have to wear it when I’m around. I’ll take care of everything then. You can wear it when I’m not here and you can tell them that you have someone that already takes care of you.” 
“Do I?” you asked cheekily, but you had also noticed that everything had shifted with Jake. And his lack of flirting with others. 
“Always had. Let me take you out,” he said and everything else disappeared when his forehead pressed against yours and he stared into your eyes. 
“Okay,” you breathed, and your lips almost touched. “But I must get back to work now. See you in my break?” you asked and he nodded which caused you to laugh as your faces were still touching. “See you later, Jake.” You finally walked away and didn’t see the clap Jake got on his back from his friends while he still looked after you with a lovesick look on his face. 
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earthtooz · 2 years
Text
𝟐:𝟎𝟑 𝐀𝐌
fluff, hints at a fight that happened so minimal hurt/comfort, sooo much swearing, ooc rin bc he's so hard to write wtf he has a personality of an apple but i love him <3
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it’s 2 am.
it’s 2 am and someone is knocking on your door like a madman.
you were simply trying to catch some shut eye, exhausted from a day of grieving and almost breaking down into tears on several occasions. the accumulation of a shitty day, a stressful deadline, and the massive fight you had with your boyfriend, itoshi rin, two days ago, really committed to keeping your day melancholic at best. sleep was everything you needed right now, both for its regenerative and escapist purposes.
yet again, you really cannot catch a break from the spite of the universe because it is out of rage that you find yourself walking towards your front door; an anger that dissipates when you see who it is on the other side.
1/3 of the reason why your day sucked. your painfully beautiful boyfriend.
the argument you had with rin was left open-ended on whether the relationship should continue or not. to you, it seemed as though both parties were at different opinions, with you wanting to maintain what you had. after two days of not responding to your texts, you suppose that that had been a short way of answering the ambiguity.
willingly, although reluctantly, you open the door, preparing to end something that you were not ready to let go.
he’s sweaty and he’s panting. did he run up the stairs or something, why is he so puffed? how is he so pretty despite that?
“hey,” you begin, feeling small in his presence. rin bores through you with his teal eyes, not saying anything. you cringe at the silence.
“i appreciate the effort but y’know, if you wanted to make our breakup official couldn’t you have done it at a reasonable hour, rin?”
his eyes narrow at that statement, betraying his usually stoic expression with furrowed brows and an agape mouth. confused. he’s confused, but you don’t see any of it because you find the floor more interesting than your boyfriend (?).
with a deep inhale, you just decide to go for it. if he’s not going to declare it, then you will. “look, rin, maybe you’re right, if this relationship is holding you back then maybe it is best we-“
“-the olive theory.”
“excuse me?”
the first words this man utters to you after two days… is the olive theory?
the dark-haired continues. “the olive theory, we’re- we’re supposed to be compatible.”
you are way over your head right now. did you even wake up? is this a dream? why is your, usually all-straight-talk, boyfriend talking to you about the olive theory at 2am, stammering whilst doing so? what kind of hallucination is this?
“rin, what?”
“i like olives, you hate them, we’re meant to work, and i don’t think i can continue on like this.”
you blink once, twice, three times before pointing at him. “you’re telling me that we’re compatible, yet in the same sentence, telling me that we should break up?”
"i didn’t want to break up?”
“but you just said you can’t continue on like this, what else do you mean?” your voice is at a hushed whisper at best, and although you wanted to raise it louder, you fear that your neighbours would not be happy.
“i meant that i can’t continue on without you!”
silence.
“i’ve become so co-dependent on you that i fucking hate it. i can’t fucking function without you, even that fuckhead isagi knows that i’m off and it’s all because of you. it’s only been two fucking days and i’m not landing 60% of my goals, i’m not receiving 20% of my passes correctly, and i keep tripping over myself, you’re ruining me, y/n.”
the flurry of emotions within you triples, and you’re so flabbergasted that no words can escape your mouth. truthfully, you can't think straight, but if you could, the words would fizzle out in your throat before they even saw the light of day.
“if i have to suffer any more of this stupid silence between us then i might kill a bitch. that bitch being the antennae freak.”
even more silence, and rin is practically begging you with his gaze to say something. funnily enough, the next thing you murmur is out of reflex: “don’t say that about shidou.”
he groans. “if i didn’t love you, i would choke you right now.” wow, itoshi rin has a way with words.
the threat causes you to crack a smile. “well, good thing you love me,” you mutter whilst grabbing him by the wrists to pull him inside your apartment. “and it’s a good thing i love you too.”
“well no shit, we’ve been in a relationship for-“
“-shut up and kiss me, you smooth talker.”
the soccer player smirks in amusement before leaning forward, closing the physical and metaphorical space between you, soothing the heartache with gentle touches and a fervent need to love one another.
༊* BONUS:
“why are you here at 2 am? i thought you, of all people, would be fast asleep.”
“tried to, can’t sleep without you- you’re a real pain in my ass, you know that?”
you smile fondly as he hooks an arm around you waist, collapsing into you as a way of saying that he doesn’t mean his rough words. “so i’m just another bedwarmer?” you ask teasingly.
he grumbles a ‘tch’, digging his nose into your nape. “you’re an idiot.”
“thank you, love. speaking of bedwarming, can we go to sleep?” perfectly paired with a yawn, rin looks at you with slight guilt in his eyes before dragging you down the memorised path to your bedroom.
once there, he wastes little time in dragging you into the sanctuary of your bed, and you let out a sigh of content when rin turns off the lights and pulls the covers up. instinctively, your hands retreat to his hair, carding through them.
he’s holding you close, hands resting protectively around your waist.
“we have a lot to talk about in the morning, but did you not get any of my texts?”
“you texted?”
“…yeah?”
“oh yeah, i remember now that i blocked you after our fight.”
you mercilessly smother him with your pillow.
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bloodyjuls-blog · 10 months
Text
I was so stupid
Leah Williamson X Reader
⚠️ Warning ⚠️: part 2 of goodbye my lover. If you read it you know what I mean in case of not it's just pure angst. This seems to be the light at the end of the tunnel
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Lucy POV
I woke up at 5 in the morning because I had to go to training at 8, I looked at my phone and realized that y/n had called me 3 times. I was quite worried because I was the only person (Ona too, but not at the same level of intensity) who had been with her in those difficult moments such as a divorce and the separation from her son. Little Sage who is such a sweetheart and Y/n too and now because of Leah's stubbornness they’re not together makes me quite angry.
I decide to call y/n back but she sends me to inbox, so weird. Yesterday I spoke to her and she told me that she was going through a bad time and that the pains in her chest had returned. Knowing that I am in Barcelona and she is in London makes me even more nervous because she could suffer a cardiac arrest and not have anyone to help her with it and now even less cause Leah apparently turned everyone against her. I don't understand.
Leah POV
*Beep beep beep*¨
Who in their right mind calls at 5 am on a Friday. “Hello” I said in a rather sleepy tone. Sage hadn't slept well, I felt him agitated. He always sleeps peacefully. “Hi Leah, I'm Lucy,” she tells me in a worried tone. “What's wrong Lucy? looks at the hours” I said calmly. “It's Y/N, I'm worried because she's been calling me in the early morning and I want to know how yesterday's conversation with her went?” she says worriedly. “Well, the talk has gone well, a bit of a farewell tone, but very normal. She also called me this morning too, although she seemed like drunk or drugged, her voice sounded very weird,” she says in a stern voice. “No Leah, how can you think that, she is doing those things that are on TV or in the gossip magazines. She is like this because the divorce and now you have left her without a job. Are you stupid or what?” Lucy says super angry. “Oi, calm down or I'll hang up on you, these are not the hours to argue, girl” I say calmly. “Leah, for God's sake, y/n could have suffered a cardiac arrest and you didn't even realize it, did your new girlfriend whitewash everything you felt for y/n? Have you realized how bad she has had it since she was kicked out of the club because of you and since it wasn't enough for you, you kicked her out of the house without even being able to take a jacket and her wallet, having to listen to her at 3 in the morning heartbroken because she doesn't know what she was going to do without you, you know that she has been living in a seedy hotel for 3 months since you kicked her out of the house? The sad nights when she misses her baby?…" Lucy says very seriously. "I'm sorry Lucy, I didn't know anything about that, I've been very selfish, but it all came down to me anyway, the absence, the times she ignored my presence and focused only on Sage, I've also missed her a lot, Lucy". I say in a worried tone. “Leah, I need you to go to The White Heart Hotel, which is 8 minutes from your house, ask the front desk for room 203 and make sure y/n is okay. Please". She says in a tone that I can't understand. "Okay, I’ll go now I’ll text you later" I say, worried but willing to collaborate.
"God y/n, I hope you're okay, damn it, why I didn’t pay you more attention, if something happens to you, I won't forgive myself" I say to myself.
Once I arrive at the hotel, which looks very seedy.
“Hello,” I ask at the reception, a little agitated. "Hello Miss. How can we help you,” the girl tells me without flinching. “Mmm yes, I'm coming to visit my friend y/n who is staying in room 203” I say nervously. “Miss Leah, I'm afraid that the guest Y/n was taken away by the ambulance a couple of hours ago, due to some cardiac incident, the poor girl was so young and had no one to help her at that time if not for the waiter who heard some noises, it's most likely that right now that girl was dead," the girl says sadly. "Excuse me? But she was fine yesterday when I saw her.” “Miss, I recommend you to go to the hospital where the ambulance took you and ask the corresponding questions there,” she says calmly. “Yes, of course, thank you very much anyway,” I say with a little emotion. “My poor y/n, how is this possible?” I sit in the car and tears come out of my eyes, I feel like the guiltiest person in the world. Instead of listening to her and being with her, the first thing I did is abandon her to her fate and if that's not enough, mess with someone who no matter how good person she is, is not y/n. The mother of my son, the love of my life. How stupid I am for God's sake.
Once at the entrance to the emergency room.
I get out of the car and look in the trunk for a facemask. “Damn, I had a box stored here” I say to myself, exasperated as I search through everything. “Here you are” I say, taking the mask under a pile of documents.
At reception
“Good morning miss, can I help you with something?” The nurse at the reception tells me. “Hey, a couple of hours ago an ambulance brought y/n Y/l/n here and I came to ask how she is” I say nervously. “Are you related to her?” she asks me, looking directly at the computer. “I'm her wife, Leah” I say, already stressed from so many questions. “I understand, at this moment, y/n is undergoing surgery due to a heart failure, if you wish you can wait in the coronary surgery waiting room on the 3rd floor and once the operation is finished a doctor will speak with you directly” she tells me. “Damn, well thanks, in the third one did you say?” I say worried. "Yeah".
It's been three hours since I've been here and the only thing that has changed is that a cardiologist has come to tell me that they are having complications with Y/N, and that her prognosis is reserved, that we have to wait and see how the surgery progresses.
Flashback
“Family of y/n y/l/n” a doctor comes out with a worried look. "Me, doctor, I am her wife, Leah Williamson" I say in a broken tone. “Well, Mrs. Leah, I will be very honest with you, at this moment we are performing a pericardiocentesis on Mrs. Y/n because after the cardiorespiratory arrest she suffered in the early hours of the morning we realized that she had cardiac clog, we have done this procedure several times because the patient keeps coming to a standstill and doesn´t come back. I would like you to notify her other relatives just in case. It should be said that the prognosis is reserved and her evolution will determine if the heart does not clog again, for now I will do everything in my power so that the lady does not die,” he says seriously. While he says that I try to process everything. There are possibilities that my love won’t make it and die, I must tell Lucia.
“Lucy, y/n she is dying, she has suffered several cardiac arrests since this morning and is in surgery she’s not recovering” I say between tears and sadness on the call. “Leah, don't be pessimistic. Ona and I will take the first flight there is to London, we will be with you” she says crying. I'm glad Lucy cares about y/n, they're like sisters from another mother. I settle into the chair and send a WhatsApp to Sophie.
To Sophie
Hey how are you? Sophie, did you leave Sage with my mother?
*Yes, as you told me. All good? *
No, something has happened, but first I must tell you that I can't take this anymore, you are a wonderful girl but I am not in the best place mentally. Sorry Sophie, it's better to leave things here.
*What a coward you are Leah, not telling me in person. Ok, I hope I never see you again*
A few hours later Dr. Flynn himself comes out.
“Leah, y/n she is out of surgery, her prognosis is still guarded but we believe she will make a successful recovery. What worried us most was that being so young and out of nowhere having these moments of trauma and even more so knowing that she has a healthy and fit life” he says less worried. “What exactly does she have? Will she be able to continue playing football? What will the recovery be like?” I said a mile an hour. “Miss, slow down please. Miss y/n will be in the coronary ICU for a while due to the sedation we gave her. What we watched in the echocardiogram, in the blood tests and the chest x-ray is an irregularity in her pericardium hence the surgery, but them also show cardiac arrhythmias which means that she won’t be able to practice any high impact sport, as Upon her recovery, her evolution will be marked by how her heart accepts the changes. Most likely, she will always have to carry oxygen and in the future we can consider the use of a pacemaker to help detect any irregularity. “I understand, can I see it?” I say a little more relaxed. “Of course, come with me here…”
To be continued
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letstripdotcom · 8 months
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sleeping alone- chris sturniolo
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summary- chris’s brothers are out of town for the week, and when the house starts to get too lonely for him to handle, he calls you sub!chris x sub!fem!reader
warnings- literally smut, smut, and smut with a hint of fluff😍 not proofread and idc
chris’s pov
matt and nick left an hour ago, and my hand is tired from how much i’ve scrolled on my phone. i get up to get a snack, when i see it’s dark outside. i look around the dark house, and it looks so empty without nick and matt to occupy it. my ears are practically ringing due to the silence of the house. when i check my phone, the time says 8:15. since i have nothing else to do, i start cleaning the house. i’ve been cleaning for so long, that i didn’t even notice the time until i checked my phone again and it was 1:47 in the morning. deciding it’s finnaly time for bed, i head down to my room. normally, i’ll share a bed with nick or matt because i hate sleeping alone. i get in bed, and i toss in turn continuously, struggling to fall asleep. the time is now 2:30 and i know i need to call someone. i open up my contacts when i come across y/n’s contact. “y/n the hottest coolest sexiest person i have ever met” she had set that name for herself once, but i never changed it because let’s be honest, it’s y/n, and i’ve always had the fattest crush on her, but of course i would never tell her that. i sighed once, then clicked on her contact
y/n’s pov
i woke up to the loud ringing of my phone. i check the glowing screen, and see i’m receiving a call from chris “it’s 3 in the morning, what the fuck?” i say to myself before answering
hello?
yo y/n!
what do you want?
did i wake you i’m so sorry
no it’s fine, are you okay, did something happen?
well i can’t sleep and i was wondering if i could come stay the night at yours for a bit, i always share a bed with nick or matt, and i can’t sleep with them gone
yeah that’s fine, just come in when you get here, the key is under the plant
thank you so much i owe you big time
see you soon chrissy
i laughed as i hung up the phone. why was chris asking me out of everyone? i mean it’s chris. i’ve had the biggest crush on him for ever. a little while later i heard the door open and shut, then i heard footsteps up my stairs. “Y/N” chris yelled out plopping down on top of me. we laughed for a minute then he rolled off my bed. “thank you so much again i don’t know what i would do without you” he smiled “you know my house is always available whenever you need anything” we got situated and ready to go to sleep. “are you all good? do you need anything else before bed?” you asked him. “i’m amazing everything is perfect” he assured you “okay goodnight chrissy” “goodnight”
you weren’t sleeping for long when you were suddenly woken up. you felt a strong grip around your waist, and the whimpers in your ear became more clear. your breath got caught in your throat. the whimpers were coming from chris, but he was still sound asleep. his hold on your waist was strong so you couldn’t move, but you had to wake him up. “chris” you whisper shouted a few times, but that didn’t wake him up. “chris!” you yelled. “fuck.” was all you heard as the hold on your waist loosened and chris rolled away. “look y/n i’m so sorry i jus-“ “i could help you. i told you to tell me if you needed anything” you and chris were both stunned by your sudden boldness. “i-i guess i didn’t know sex was an option” he laughed breathlessly. i got close to his ear and whispered “it’s always an option” you then rolled over on top of him and pulled him into a sloppy but needy kiss. you but his bottom lip, causing him to groan, which made you really feel the wetness now pooling in between your legs. you ripped his shirt off, and ran your nails lightly down the exposed skin. he exhaled sharply and started toying with the waistband of your shorts. then me moved down, gripping your ass under your shorts causing you to moan into his mouth. he kneaded your asscheeks for a little bit longer, then slowly pulled off your shorts. you became suddenly embarrassed when you remembered you weren’t wearing underwear. “fuck” chris sighed as he ran his cold fingers through your folds. you whimpered loudly. “oh my god chris” he then dove his ring and middle fingers inside of you, causing your back to arch. this action made him hit all the right places, as he pumped his fingers in and out. “c-chris don’t stop, i’m almost there” “come on you got it pretty girl” that action made the knot in your stomach snap as you released all over his fingers. he then looked you in the eyes and sucked his fingers clean. you went back to placing sloppy kissed all down his neck. you felt how hard he was through his pajama pants, so you began to palm him. he jolted forward slightly, and let out a loud moan. “y/n please” he begged “do whatever you want to me” you slowly pulled down his pajama pants and his boxers, releasing his hard dick. you then began to take him in your mouth starting at just the tip. you swirled your tongue around and licked up his slit, then in one swift movement you took as much as you could in your mouth, causing you to gag. “fuckkkk” he groaned gripping a handful of your hair. you repeated the same actions, using your hands for what didn’t fit in your mouth. “i’m gonna c-c” he tried to say, unable to form a sentence. suddenly white strings of cum shot down your throat and spilled out your mouth a little, causing it to run down your face. you continued to suck him off through his high. after he finally came down, you swallowed, and wiped the corners of your mouth. you then sat up positioning him to line up with your entrance. you rub his length down your folds a few times and looked him in the yes. “i don’t know if i c-can.” he whined with tears in his eyes. “you want me to stop?” “no! please don’t stop!” that was all the clarification you needed. you then lifted yourself up, and slowly sunk down, both of you moaning uncontrollably. chris’s grip was so strong on your waist it felt like he could crush you. you rode him as he filled your ears with praises. “ just like that. you’re doing so good, don’t stop fuckkkkk” and you filled his ears with needy moans. eventually you felt yourself clench around him, signaling your release. your clenching made him twitch signaling his release was close behind. you both rode out your highs before you lifted yourself off of him and collapsed on top of his bare chest. “guess it’s gonna be a fun week”
•••••••••••••••••••••••••
my first fic i hope you liked! ❤️
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cassandrasimplex · 11 months
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Listen, when I say, as an abuse survivor, that Astarion's storyline is written with care, delicacy, and profound understanding: Since I completed it a few days ago, which I found incredibly cathartic and fulfilling due to points of commonality with the nature and causes of my CPTSD, I've been sleeping 7-8 hours a night straight through (instead of 3-5 at a time), my resting heart rate has dropped almost 10 beats per minute, I've had zero nightmares (based not just on what I remember but also on how much I move and talk in my sleep), and my fitness tracker wants to know what I've been doing different lately and whether I can keep it up.
I don't expect this change to be permanent or even long-lasting, but not even months of therapy at a time have ever had a positive effect so strong my tracker picked up on it. Not even when I was in crisis mode and only able to sleep 2 or 3 hours a day was therapy able to improve my sleep and my well-being so immediately. Astarion's storyline from finding Cazador's prisoners to the final confrontation, which took me a bit over an hour, did. If you want to count all the narrative build-up to that climax that gave it meaning, call it six weeks' investment for such a dramatic improvement.
The idea that trauma-aware roleplay can help people with PTSD and especially CPTSD find short-term peace and even a long-term improvement in overall functioning and mental health isn't new to me. I stumbled across it on my own, unguided, 30+ years ago. It's a bit newer to most therapists, but it's an approach used in experiential therapy and some related strategies and had been studied for much longer before its incorporation in such toolkits. But BG3 isn't being sold as therapy; it's being sold as a fun video game to play in one's free time.
The thing about CPTSD and recovery from abuse in general is that you have to practice new ways of reacting to the world. Therapies like cognitive behavior therapy focus on helping the patient replace old, maladaptive patterns of thinking that helped them survive a traumatic situation but hinder functioning in safer environments with intentionally-created ones that would have been too dangerous to practice in the traumatic environment but are healthier and more supportive outside it. These patterns have to be practiced, though; it's not enough to just correct yourself once with a more affirming statement and wait for results. You have to do it over and over until it becomes your new default. And results matter. If practicing the new behavior or thought results in the kind of negative outcome it would have prompted in the original abusive situation, the effect is that the old, maladaptive pattern is reinforced instead: "See? I knew acting that way would be too dangerous. I knew thinking that way would just be lying to myself. I already know what's best. The way I've always behaved in order to survive is what serves to keep me safe."
Which is why Astarion's storyline is both so effective and so astonishingly well done. Over and over, you get the chance to reassure him that your friendship is not merely a set of opportunistic transactions, that you don't want to control him, that you see him as a person rather than a puppet or a tool, that he can refuse to manage your feelings for you or even outright hurt your feelings without being "punished" for it. You can comment out loud to him when you catch him being manipulative and tell him that's not how your friendship works while still accepting and supporting him as a person, as a friend. You can make your friendship with him an environment completely opposite in nature to his relationship with his abuser. You can teach him -- and, if you need it, yourself -- what a safe environment looks like. And you can teach him that his abuser's behavior was successful in an environment created specifically to reserve all power for the abuser, but doesn't serve as well outside that situation, to encourage him to find healthier ways of dealing with the world than the ones that were modelled for him within that trauma. (Am I projecting? Of course I'm projecting; that's precisely what makes roleplay such an effective tool. It's a natural human tendency that can be used to advantage.)
And somewhere in your psyche, if you're a person who needs to hear all that as much as Astarion does, your mind is taking note: "How I thought the whole world works was wrong. Only that one little part of the world worked that way. The world is much bigger than the limited environment that hurt me. There are better ways to live and be." The parts of the brain where trauma plants its deepest roots can't tell the difference between play and reality, between past and present. They can't tell the difference between "I can make a safer environment for this person in front of me" and "I can go back in time and make a safer environment for the person I used to be." (That's why so many abuse survivors feel compelled to help other abuse survivors -- empathy, yes, and identification, but on a deeper level than that; we try to become the person who never showed up to help us.)
And if "this person in front of me" happens to be a fictional character, well, it can't really tell the difference between fiction and reality either -- especially when the fiction has a visible face and an audible voice and convincing expression in both.
I'm not in the slightest saying, "Go out and buy BG3 to fix yourself!" because using roleplay as therapy is far too highly personal and variable to expect consistent results from a script. There might be people whose trauma is reinforced by the same things that spoke so soothingly to mine. Larian is a video game company, not a therapist. But I can't get over the way a video game company for fuck's sake has created such a sensitive, tender, supportive story that it can even accidentally function this way. They didn't have to go so hard. They didn't have to lean so far into empathy. They didn't have to bring so much realism into it. They could have just told an interesting story. They did tell an interesting story -- but someone here decided they needed to tell it so well, so powerfully, that they were going to need to know exactly what living through events like those would do to a person, and how a friend would have to act to support that person in working toward happiness and health.
Well fucking done, Larian. Extremely well fucking done.
And although I can't reasonably expect the current effects to last, I can carry something lasting from here on; I can add "What would I say to Astarion right now?" to the list of questions I ask myself when triggered, when I realize I'm experiencing an implicit flashback. What would I say to Astarion? What would I say to a friend? What would I say to someone I care about who's been through the same things I have? What would I say to myself if I thought I deserved to be happy and free?
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weirdsht · 3 days
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Disillusioned 17 . Heterogeneity (2)
a/n: my body's crashing but midterms are ending soon so hopefully I'll be able to sleep
tags: implications of torture (squint really hard to see it), yandere-ish if you squint, Cale is unconscious again
English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors
Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission
Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome
Requests are currently closed but my ask are still open (read pinned)
Buy Me Dessert
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_____ was walking down in the halls just outside Cale’s room. With nothing better to do after talking to Rosalyn, they decided to go out and help Pendrick heal injured soldiers outside. 
However, not 10 steps in and a certain red-haired man is shoving them back into the room they came from.
“What are you doing out? You should be lying down.”
Surprisingly enough, it’s Choi Han who spoke up and not Cale.
“Even if you heal fast there’s no way a wound that severe has fully closed up.”
The swordmaster had a look of disapproval on his face and _____’s poor heart just dropped. Never in their life had they seen Choi Han this disappointed with them.
“What did you even do yesterday? We still don’t know what happened.”
Cale tucked the healer in bed tightly as if they didn’t wake up just half an hour ago. _____ tried to get back up again but thought against it when they saw how the golden dragon was guarding the door with Choi Han guarding the end of the bed.
“I really don’t need to rest more, I swear my wound is almost healed.”
“Almost healed is different from fully healed. You will stay in this bed until we go back to the underground villa. I won’t take no for an answer.”
That shut _____ up.
However, the silence did not last long.
“Start explaining what the hell happened yesterday. Choi Han told you that you told him about how you discovered something.”
Cale sat at the end of the bed. Meanwhile, Eruhaben moved to sit on the couch with Choi Han taking over his place to stand at the door.
“Huh? Oh yes, it was also back when you guys went to Paerun Kingdom.”
The healer forgot for a moment about what they did yesterday. Mind too clouded by the things they talked about with Rosalyn earlier.
“My powers work like a transfer right? Oh right, Eruhaben-nim didn’t know, I’m sorry. So usually I would absorb someone’s wounds or whatever and then I would give and multiply my vitality right?”
Eruhaben started wondering how he got surrounded by so many unlucky people before his death. However, no one in the room knew about his thoughts.
“It got me wondering if I can do the opposite. You know, transfer and multiply my wound and then get their vitality or something along those lines.”
“Huuu”
Cale couldn’t help but sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose.
“You do know that this wasn’t what Ron meant when he told you to create something of your own, right?”
“It wasn’t? But isn’t it still a good idea.”
“_____-nim… that’s not…”
Choi Han started wondering why his serving two self-sacrificial young masters. Just like with the gold dragon, no one else knew about his thoughts.
“Yes, I know… Rosalyn-unnie already scolded me about it. I’m really sorry, I won’t do it again.”
“And what exactly are you sorry for?”
Cale’s gaze looked as though he was ready to get disappointed by whatever the healer was about to say.
“No really, I know what I did wrong this time. I’ll try not to put myself in danger next time. I’m really sorry for worrying everyone, I know I acted rashly.”
“Try?”
Eruhaben’s voice rang out for the first time since they got inside the room.
“I mean it’s a good ability… I was just unlucky this time because that half-dragon got away before I could steal some vitality… Plus, wouldn’t it be super helpful? Like imagine I have just a tiny cut but when I transfer it to the enemy it can become a lethal wound.”
While Cale is glad _____ is more lively and doesn’t act like a puppet anymore, he's not happy about this newfound stubbornness. Where did the healer even learn it from? But just like the other two men, no one else knew about his thoughts.
The commander doesn’t want to restrict the healer’s movements or freedom. Not only would it be annoying to have to constantly look after them, but it would be similar to how they used to live when they were with the Perduellios.
But at the same time, this discovery is dangerous when left alone.
“Haaa, you’ll only use that ability when it’s an emergency or when I allow you to. Unnecessarily use that power again and see if Beacrox will prepare any more desserts for you.”
Not Beacrox’s desserts, _____ loves those.
The crestfallen healer only nodded in agreement. But honestly, they don’t fully understand why everyone is acting as though they have no self-preservation. It’s not like they won’t heal. Did everyone miss the part when _____ said they can absorb another person’s vitality?
If there’s someone in their group who has no self-preservation it’s gotta be Cale, not them.
True to Cale’s words _____ didn’t get to help out in anything for the remaining time they were in Caro Kingdom. Every attempt of theirs would get shut down by everyone. The healer thought it would get better after they fully healed.
Yes and No
After resting for a bit in the super rock villa, _____ has been allowed to go back to their regular duties. However, Cale stuck the healer to him like glue. From war battles to stealthy operations to more battles. From the Caro Kingdom to the Roan Kingdom to the Western Continent to the Empire. No matter where Cale went _____ is with him. 
Well, not like _____ has a problem with it so they just let it be.
Plus they know that if they want, they can ask Cale anytime to leave them in Leeb-An City or the underground villa.
But they didn’t because just as it eases Cale’s mind to have the healer with him (not that he’d admit it), _____’s mind is also at ease whenever they are with Cale.
Or so it was.
If _____ hated Adin and the White Star before, they loathe them now.
"I-I don't understand, his body is completely fine. I have also replenished his energy however he won't wake up."
It’s been more than a week since the day Cale fainted. Yet he still showed no signs of waking up. To some extent, the healer could tell that the redhead’s body needed rest from overexerting.
But almost two weeks?
Who wouldn’t worry?
The only silver lining to all this is that it gave the Medicus some time to ponder about their feelings. Gave them time to think as to how they’d handle this garden called love whose flowers are blooming more and more in _____’s heart every day.
Ultimately they have decided to not do anything.
What _____ has concluded these days is that the form of love they want to give is support. For them that's what love is, supporting your loved ones even if he's unaware of their feelings. Being there whenever he needs them and expecting nothing in return.
And that’s exactly what the healer did.
They helped in any way they could. From healing the injured to helping with the paperwork. Sometimes Rosalyn and Raon had to remind _____ that they must rest, that they were overworking themself, and that the matters of the empire could wait until they got some rest.
_____ tries their best to listen. However, they would be seen doing the same thing again two days later.
“Cale seems to have like-minded people around him. Are you also not interested in a noble title?”
Alberu and  _____ are sitting across from each other. Both working on their own pile of paperwork.
“Under no circumstances was I ever interested in such things Your Highness. However more than that, I believe it would be unfair for our citizens if the Perduellio’s rise again when they got such a light sentence.”
The crown prince nodded in understanding. As someone who is always thinking about what’s best for the kingdom and its citizens, he could tell where the healer is coming from.
However, there’s a mistake in what _____ said.
A light sentence? That’s far from the truth.
Even thinking about what happened to that family sends a shiver down the quarter Dark Elf’s spine.
The official statement for what happened to the Perduellios is that the entire family have been stripped of their title and all their assets have been seized by the crown. As far as everyone knows they are now somewhere living as peasants.
But isn’t it weird that no one has seen them?
Cale has been… looking after them, for the lack of a better word. Alberu may not know the full story but he surely knows the extent of the young master’s anger.
He low-key wishes he could erase from his mind the condition of that cell and its inhabitants.
“However Medicus-nim, are you aware that you can’t live in hiding forever?”
Alberu pushes his other thoughts away. Why bother dwelling on them when only he, Cale, Tasha, and Beacrox know what happened? For now, he’ll focus on this paperwork and his conversation with the healer.
“Very much so your highness. I have lived my entire life hiding. What is a few years more?”
_____ paused for a second to take a second look at the document they are currently reading.
“However your Highness, the same thing cannot be said for you. This is prime time for you and the other Dark Elves.”
Alberu lets out a hearty laugh at that.
“Of course Medicus-nim. Yet you got one thing wrong. This is also a prime time for you. Worry not as I will surely allow you to live as Roan Kingdom’s Medicus once more. Consider it as my reward for putting up with a certain redhead.”
_____ tried to deny it. Tried to say that they did not need such things. Nonetheless, Alberu did not relent. He and Cale had already agreed that they would let this poor healer live out their life after being used like a tool since childhood.
Plus the blonde is seriously getting tired of Cale ranting about how suffocated _____ is having to wear a mask all the time even if they don’t complain.
"It's fine to be greedy sometimes you know? Sometimes it's all right to take whatever it is you want."
Alberu did not look at _____ as he spoke. Instead, he's looking at the unconscious commander on the luxurious bed.
_____, who understood what the crown prince meant, felt embarrassed. Their face turned into a light hue of pink as they thought of a retort.
However, Alberu did not let them do so. He simply motioned over to the healer with his glance before continuing the paperwork in his hands. _____ followed suit, and soon the room was filled with silence again, the only exceptions being the rustling of papers and their pens scribbling.
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bonus-ish: sometimes I can't help but comment while I'm wrting lol
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Title: cruel summer | chapter 6
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5
Pairing: No outbreak!Joel Miller/Female Reader
Rating: Explicit (18+ MDNI)
Chapters: 6/6
Read on AO3 | Masterlist | Join a tag list
Summary: Joel takes a contracting job renovating a master bedroom and bathroom while the homeowners are away for the summer on a cruise.
He wasn’t expecting their twenty-three year old daughter and the thoughts he’d have about her.
Author’s Note: This is the end! Thank you all so much for enjoying this little fic that I have loved writing. Requests are open if you have anything you wanna see in the future 🥰
Additional Tags/Warnings: explicit sexual content (18+ MDNI), age gap (23F and 38M), mild/moderate angst (resolved!), alcohol consumption, discussions of family dynamics, semi-public sex, unprotected p in v, oral sex (f receiving), slight fem dom?, dirty talk, pet names. Let me know if any are missing!
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You don’t hear from Joel the next two days, save for the text he’d sent the night he dropped you off at your apartment with a broken heart. He said he’d fix this and god, you want to believe him. But silence doesn’t feel promising.
Your dad has called no less than twenty times since that night. You’ve let them all rot away in your voicemail graveyard. You don’t have the motivation to do much besides sit on the couch for your daytime crying and move back to your bed for your nighttime crying before exhaustion finally wins and you fall asleep.
There’s a knock at your door on the third day, but you don’t make any move to answer it. You hear the key turn in the lock and your mom enters the apartment.
“Oh, sweetheart,” she says gently, setting down an armful of groceries in the kitchen before sitting beside you on the couch, smoothing your unwashed hair from your face with a gentle hand. “I’d ask how you’re doing, but I think I know the answer.”
Tears prick at your eyes. “It hurts, mama.”
“I know, baby,” she murmurs. She pulls your head to her chest. “Have you heard from Joel? Or your daddy?”
“No, I haven’t heard anything from Joel. Dad’s called a bunch, but I…I don’t wanna talk to him, mama. He was so mean.”
“You gotta think about where he’s coming from. You’re his only baby, his little girl. He’s having a hard time separating the baby he used to rock to sleep from the woman who can make her own choices. And he reacted with the heart of a dad, not the brain of a logical man.”
You sniff. “That doesn’t make it any better.”
“I know. You don’t have to forgive him. I’m spittin’ mad at the man myself. But I just wanted you to know.” She presses a kiss to your head. “Now, help me put those groceries away. I have somewhere I gotta be in an hour.”
________
Joel nervously scrapes at the paper label on his beer bottle as he waits for his lunch guest to arrive. He’s been a wreck the past couple of days, trying to keep it together in front of Sarah while his mind wanders to you, your last words to him ringing in his ears.
I love you, Joel Miller. I hope you find it in you to not be a coward and love me back.
That’s exactly what he intends to do. He just needs someone on his side.
Which is why he texted your mom a few nights ago, asking if he could talk to her.
The woman in question approaches the table and Joel stands to greet her, holding an arm out for a handshake. She only rolls her eyes, pulling him into a hug that surprises him. When she seats herself, the waiter swings by and takes her order for a glass of Chardonnay before leaving the two of them to stare at each other.
“So. Joel Miller. You love my daughter, huh?” She asks. He swallows nervously.
“Yes, m’am.”
“And my husband was an asshole to you about it?”
He considers his response. “It..uh..could have gone better.”
She nods. The waiter drops off her wine glass and she takes a dainty sip. “Well. Tell me the whole story.”
So he does. He leaves out the more salacious bits, because your mom doesn’t need to know about what happened in her kitchen, instead focusing on how you drew him in with your sweet disposition and he was helpless to avoid falling in love with you. He tells her about bringing Sarah over and how you played with his little girl like she was the only thing that mattered in that moment. He talks about the trip to the aquarium. He mentions his stupid attempt at pushing you away.
“And I can’t do that again, m’am. I don’t want to. I told your husband that she’s the best thing that’s happened to me since Sarah was born, and I meant every word.”
The whole time, she stays quiet, sipping her wine. Occasionally, a small smile will pass across her lips.
“You know, my own daddy didn’t like my husband when he first met him. Thought he was a no good troublemaker. I think my husband forgets that he’s just as in love with someone’s daughter as you are with mine. And one day someone will love your little girl, and you’ll think they’re not good enough for her, too. It’s the curse of being a father.”
Joel nods, unsure of what to say. Your mom finishes her glass of wine before continuing.
“I think you should join us for dinner tonight, Joel. And I promise to change the gun safe code before you get there.”
________
Joel shows up at your parents house with a bottle of wine and enough nervous energy to power a small city. He feels like he might throw up as he waits for someone to answer the door.
Thankfully, it’s your mom. He hands over the bottle of Chardonnay he brought and she gives him a kiss on the cheek.
“Chin up. You got this,” she says, patting him on the shoulder and guiding him to the living room.
Your dad is sitting on the couch, a glass of whiskey in hand as he staunchly refuses to meet Joel’s eyes. He takes a seat in one of the accent chairs.
“My wife says I owe you an apology,” your dad says. “And that I need to get my head out of my ass before I lose it up there for good.”
Joel has to fight back his laugh, biting his lip hard.
“I just want my daughter to be happy. And she’s right, she’s an adult now. I forget, sometimes,” he continues. “She used to ask me to check for monsters under her bed and in her closet. Hard to believe that same girl is about to graduate college. Become a doctor. Save the world. All the best things I always wished for her. And I also used to wish she’d find someone to love her. And I can’t begrudge you for being that person. So, I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?” Your mom shouts from the kitchen. Your dad rolls his eyes.
“For being an asshole. And ruining your date,” he grumbles. He drains the rest of his drink.
“Thank you, sir,” Joel replies. Your mom enters the living room.
“Excellent. Now, come on, Joel. Let’s talk New Year’s Eve plans.”
________
It’s New Year's Eve and your mom showed up at your apartment just after dinner with a garment bag and a stern expression.
“You are coming to the party, young lady,” she insists. “Now get in the shower.”
You do what she asks with heavy limbs. You still haven’t heard from Joel. Your dad’s phone calls have stopped. You’re not exactly looking forward to seeing him tonight.
When you get out of the shower, your mom is wielding your blow dryer like a weapon. You sit at your desk while she styles your hair for you. You do your makeup under her watchful eye, then slip into the shiny silver dress she brought for you.
“Gorgeous. Come on. Let’s go.”
She hustles you into the passenger seat of her car and drives to her house. There’s a whole line of cars parked along the curb, and you groan at the idea of having to mingle with their friends.
“Alright, in you go, chop chop,” your mom says, shooing you from the vehicle. You enter the bustling house, forcing a smile as some of your dad’s business colleagues and your mom’s friends say hello, pulling you into hugs and cheek kisses.
Your mom brings you a glass of champagne, pulling you along at her side as she talks with her guests. When the doorbell rings, your mom politely asks you to answer the door.
When you do, you feel like you’re hallucinating. Standing on the front porch is Joel, dressed in a suit, his wild curly hair slicked back and his face clean shaven.
Christ, the man can wear a suit.
“Hey, baby,” he says.
Seemingly out of nowhere, your dad appears beside you. “Hey, Joel! Come on in, can I get you anything to drink?”
You look between the two men, feeling like you’ve stepped into the Twilight Zone. Have you missed something?
Your dad shakes Joel’s hand, all smiles, and your questions only multiply. Joel squeezes your hip as he passes by, following your dad to the kitchen for a drink. You trail behind them, confused as hell as you watch them chat like they’re old friends and your dad pours him a glass of whiskey.
“Uh, Joel?” You ask. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure, sweetheart,” he replies. He excused himself with your dad and you lead him upstairs to your childhood bedroom, his palm hot on your lower back.
In your room, you shut the door and take a deep breath. “Joel, what’s happening?”
“I fixed it,” he says, setting his glass down on your old dresser.
“You fixed it,” you repeat incredulously. “What does that mean?”
“It means,” he says, stepping closer and slipping an arm around your waist, “I’m all in. No more runnin’. No more secrets. No more bein’ a coward. It means I’m yours, and you’re mine, and nothin’ is gonna change that.”
You blink at him. “But…my dad—“
“Met with him and your mom. Had some good talks. He just wants you to be happy, baby. He did threaten that he knew a good place to hide a body if I hurt you, though.”
“Why didn’t you call me? Or text me?”
“Because when I came back to you on my knees beggin’ for forgiveness, I wanted to have everythin’ squared away.” He drops down to one knee, then the other, looking up at you with those big brown eyes of his as his hands grip your hips. “So, can you forgive me, baby?”
You smirk. “I could probably be persuaded.”
“Naughty girl,” he murmurs, trailing a hand up your calf. “You want me to earn it?”
“Yeah,” you whisper, voice already breathy and your core clenching in anticipation. “I think you owe me a real thorough apology, Joel.”
He grins at you as his fingers reach the hem of your dress, urging it up your thighs until it’s bunched around your waist, exposing your panties underneath. He gently pulls them down your legs, eyes glued to your face as he does. He urges you to step out of them once they’re around your ankles.
Tossing them to the side, he lifts one of your legs and situates it on his shoulder, opening you up to his hungry gaze.
“Missed you so much, sweetheart,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to the inside of your thigh. “Was goin’ crazy without you.”
“Less talking, more apologizing,” you demand, breathing already labored.
He huffs a laugh against your skin before angling his face toward your center, his nose brushing your needy clit as he licks a broad stripe through your folds, his tongue dipping into your entrance. Your head drops back against the door with a groan.
“You gotta be quiet, can’t have all those nice people downstairs knowin’ you’re gettin’ your pussy devoured, huh, baby?”
You bite your lip to hold your noises as he returns to his apology, licking and sucking and biting at you until you’re a writhing mess.
“Joel!” You whisper-shout, tugging on his hair. “Want your cock, baby, please?”
His lips are shiny with your essence as he stands, hands working his belt and fly open in quick succession. He presses a messy kiss to your lips as he frees his cock, an arm wrapping around your waist to lift you up, your legs automatically circling his hips. His hot length slides against your clit and you moan into his mouth, the sound swallowed in his kiss.
He presses you against the wall so that he can use one hand to position his cock at your dripping entrance, pressing his hips forward to drive himself inside you. Your arms cling to his shoulders as you gasp at the stretch.
“Christ, darlin’,” he whispers against your neck. “I’m not gonna last long like this.”
“Don’t care,” you reply, swiveling your hips in an attempt to get him to move. “Come on, baby, you’re not gonna make me cum standing still.”
Joel chuckles darkly, drawing back and slamming harshly up into you, the power of it knocking the breath from your lungs. He pounds into you harshly, his hands sure to leave fingertip shaped bruises on the skin of your hips and ass where he holds you to drag you over his length.
“Touch yourself, pretty girl, I need you to cum with me,” he demands. You slip a hand between your bodies, fingers circling your clit with little finesse as you work in tandem with Joel to reach your release.
It shatters over you in a consuming wave, your legs going tight around his waist as you lean forward to bite your scream into his shoulder. You feel his cock pulse inside of you as he presses in deep, his release warm as it fills you to the brim.
You slump against him, boneless in the aftermath. He presses a sweet kiss to your shoulder before gently lowering you to the ground, an arm looped around your waist to support you as you try to stand on shaky legs.
He tucks his softening cock away into his boxers, pulling his pants up. He locates your panties on the brown and kneels down to help you step back into them.
“Not gonna steal this pair?” You tease. He nips the inside of your knee in retaliation.
“Only because I’m not about to send you out in your parents house with my cum dripping down your thighs,” he replies, situating the fabric on your hips before pulling your dress back down over your thighs. When he stands, he pulls you into a deep kiss, his palms framing your cheeks. “I love you,” he says as he pulls back.
You grin at him, smoothing your fingers through his mussed hair. “I love you, too.”
________
You rejoin the party, your hand in Joel’s as he leads you to the kitchen for a drink refill. It’s nearing midnight, and your dad has turned on the TV in the living room to the ball drop in anticipation.
The man in question is in the kitchen with your mom, the two of them flushed from their drinks and the heat of the full house. Your dad gives you a tentative smile.
“Hi,” he says as the two of you approach. You release Joel’s hand to pull him into a hug, his arms wrapping around you tightly.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispers.
“I know. Thank you, dad,” you reply. You don’t miss the shine in his eyes when you pull back and kiss him on the cheek. “I love you.”
“Love you, too,” he tells you.
The noise in the house starts to grow as the ball begins to drop, the countdown echoed in chorus by the party goers. Joel hands you a glass of champagne, pulling you into his side as he starts to join in.
“3…2…1! Happy New Year!!”
Joel tilts your face to his, planting a kiss to your lips, in front of everyone. When you pull away, your mom tugs you into a hug and your dad shakes Joel’s hand, both men smiling.
And you can’t help but think how amazing it is that one summer can change your whole world.
Tag list: @huffle-punk @telepathay @johnwatsn @hopelessromantic727 @caatheeriinee07 @leeeesahhh @whereasport @pedr0swh0r3 @yellingloudly @dragon-of-winterfell @mydailyhyperfixations @liati2000 @endlessthxxghts @fake-bleach @thedeadsingwithdirtintheirmouths @lovebandrry @str84pedro @daddy-din @missgurrl @paleidiot @mattmurdock1021
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y0urm4m · 6 months
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NOT MEANT TO BE..
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Summary: Matt begins to question whether he deserves your love and time.
Warnings: none just a breakup story.
(Couldn’t find a perfect song to go with so I picked this one)
·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·
╰┈➤ ❝ 𝑀𝒶𝓎𝒷𝑒 𝓌𝑒 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 ❞
- 𝓳.𝓫 [𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓹𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓼]
——————————
I slowly opened my eyes, groaning at the sudden sunlight that blinded me. Rolling over my back now facing the light peeking through my window, grabbing my phone I was happy to see 1 new notification from Matt.
Matt - Hey when you’re up and ready why don’t you come over
I smiled to myself, sitting up. I had to brush my teeth, hop in the shower, get dressed and then I’d head over to Matt’s. I walked over to the bathroom brushing my teeth then turning the shower on. Quickly washing my hair and body so I could spend more time with him as we hadn’t seen each other in at least 2 weeks due to him being busy all the time recently. After I was finally dressed I rushed to put my shoes on and head out of my apartment, practically speeding over to matt’s.
Once I had finally reached the house I slowly knocked on the oak door, to be greeted with Matt. He had bags under his eyes and looked like something was on his mind. “Hey..”I said smiling. “Hey.” He replied smiling slightly. It was nice to see his smile in person after two weeks.
We made our way to his room. As he returned to the position he was in before I had turned up. “Soo.. how’ve you been?” I asked looking at him. “Good.” He mumbled looking back down at his brittle bitten nails. I just nodded looking around the room that I’ve been in many times before, nothing was new. The silence was almost deafening, but he suddenly spoke up. “um y/n I’ve been thinking, I know you’ll probably be confused and I will completely understand but I think we should take a break.” “What?” I said in utter shock. Me and Matt had never even argued where did this come from. He swallowed. “I don’t want us to end on an argument but I think we’re just not meant to be.”he said whispering the last part. “Matt.. please don’t do this we can work it out I promise, where did it all go wrong?” I asked as my voice cracked and vision blurred trying to fight back the tears forming in my eyes. He didn’t reply instead picking at his nails and biting the inside of his cheek, I slowly arose from the bed not knowing what else to say, grabbing my things and left his room making sure to be quiet as I didn’t want to make a scene in front of his brothers.
Matt pov:
I sat there like a coward watching her leave as I felt the lump form in my throat, wishing I could bring myself to tell her but I just couldn’t find the words. As I heard the front door close, I sat soaked in my own guilt regretting everything that just went down. I hate myself for knowing I hurt her but I know it’s for the best.
Reader pov:
I slowly slid into the drivers seat letting the tears that had built up fall, wiping them away with the sleeve of my jumper. I took a slight glimpse in the rear view mirror at my mascara stained face, I was a state I need to go home now. I quickly started the car pulling away to drive home. Where did i go wrong? Did I do that had upset him? I had so many questions but no answers. I eventually arrived at my apartment rushing inside before my neighbours could see me like this, I didn’t even have the energy to change into pyjamas I just slid under my covers curling up into a ball crying myself to sleep. He was perfect all I could have ever asked for, the person I wanted by my side forever till death do us apart.
He was the one for me, but I guess I wasn’t the one for him.
Matt pov:
I bit my nails staring into the abyss of room, thinking the events that occurred not even hours ago. Just thinking about her makes me realise how much she deserved to be with someone who could be there for her whenever and forever through all the ups and downs. I wish I could be that person but I can’t. If I had the time I would have married her someday possibly even had kids. I know she’ll be upset but she’s a strong woman and I know she’ll find the one.
Although She was the one for me, I wasn’t the one for her.
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A/N: 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬! And I wanna say a big thanks to my friend who helped me go over this lyl
Taglist: @patscorner @mattisthehottest @mayhem-72
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aaronhotchnersworld · 8 months
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aaron hotchner x bau wife reader
Sick
We had just boarded the jet, on our way to florida. The unsub had been kidnapping small children from parks when the parents weren’t looking. He would keep them for 10 days before killing them.
Aaron and I talked this morning, he could tell I didn’t feel good when we both woke up this morning. He told me not to push myself and that I could stay back if I needed. I didn’t want to stay back.
I sat next to aaron on the plane, like I always do. Aaron and I have been married for 3 years, we met when I first joined the bau 7 years ago. He is the love of my life.
Aaron discussed the case with the team for the first 30 minutes of the flight. I normally would discuss and throw out ideas but I didn’t feel well and was fighting sleep
After they were done discussing, he put the back of his hand on my forehead. “you feel very warm” he said concerned. “i’ll be okay Aaron” I said as I gave him a smile. “why don’t you rest your eyes sweetie?”
I began to shiver, despite having a headache, I was freezing. Aaron took off his suit jacket and wrapped it around me. I immediately thanked him and leaned my head on his shoulder.
“I love you aaron”
“I love you y/n”
I quickly fell asleep not fighting sleep anymore.
aarons pov
After we landed, I softly shook y/n awake. I know she didn’t feel but she is extremely stubborn and didn’t want to stay back.
“y/n” i whispered. “it’s time to get up we’re here” she slowly sat up, I put my hand to her forehead. “y/n/n you feel really warm do you want to stay at the hotel and rest some more?” I asked her hoping she’d say yes so she doesn’t overwork herself.
“aaron please I want to help”
y/n has always adored children, she absolutely loves jack. I know cases involving children are tough on her and she feels like she needs to help even if she is not feeling well.
“okay, just please let me know if there’s anything you need”
“i will”
“i love you y/n”
“i love you aaron”
We both stood up and walked out of the jet. We all made our way to the hotel to check in. Everyone got their own room but y/n and I always share one. Derek, Emily, and David are all on the 2nd floor while Spencer, jj, y/n and I were all on the 3rd floor.
We quickly checked in to our hotel rooms and put our stuff in our rooms before heading to the station.
It has been a few hours since we arrived and we basically have nothing. I’m frustrated, the whole team is frustrated. It’s 2am so everyone is tired. “I just don’t understand what we’re missing” derek says out of frustration.
“Here’s what we’re going to do. Everyone is going back to the hotel and meeting back here at 10am. Everyone needs there rest” I told them all. Everyone quickly got up and left thanking me for sending them back to the hotel.
y/n and I were the last ones in the room. “are you ready to go sweetheart?” i asked her softly. she just nodded her head, she looked even paler than earlier. I reached my hand out to help her stand up. she took it and mumbled a thank you.
I opened the passenger door for her as she got in and closed it. I walked to the other side and got into the car. The hotel was about 15 minutes away from the station. By the time we got to the hotel, y/n was sleeping.
I felt bad waking her up but I had too. We walked into our hotel room and I could tell she really didn’t feel well. She immediately layed down in bed. “y/n sweetie are you sure you don’t just want to stay here in the morning?” I asked as I layed down next to her.
“I’ll be okay aaron I promise”
morning
y/n and I returned back to the station at around 9:45, we were the first ones there. Everyone else arrived at 10. We all discussed the case for about 2 hours before taking a break. y/n sat in one of the chairs. I kneeled in front of her “y/n sweetheart do you want me to take you back to the hotel?”
she looked up at me and nodded her head. “okay come on” I said as I helped her up. “Derek, can I talk to you?” I asked him as y/n and I walked out of the room.
y/n sat down in one of the chairs outside while I
talked to derek. “Will you guys be okay if I stay back at the hotel with y/n for the stay? I don’t feel comfortable leaving her alone”
“We will be fine. I’ll call you with any new information”
“Thank you Derek”
Derek nodded and turned to y/n, “I hope you feel better”
y/n mumbled a “thank you Derek” Derek just nodded and walked back into the room. I helped y/n to the car
We were back in our hotel room 20 minutes later. “y/n sweetie why don’t you lay down?” I helped her to bed and got her under the covers. “I love you aaron” she mumbled into my chest. “i love you y/n/n and I will always be here to care of you, in sickness and in health.”
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maryannecrimsworth · 2 years
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You do need a friend
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Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10
Guide for tormented hearts
Pairing: Wednesday Addams x Selectively mute reader
Warnings: I'm going for the slow burn and reader it's really traumatized, prepare for some angst scenes and a whole bullying session. The part two will be softer if anyone likes this.
Summary: You did it, you stayed with your brother — you were finally free from your parents. Everything goes wrong one last time but after all the police investigation and doctor visits, you were back to Nevermore, not to your parents' Lycanthropy camp. You were at school for the very first time in your life and no one would actually speak with you. At least you thought no one would until your brother makes you meet his goth friend.
Some reader's characteristics: R has anxiety disorder, selective mutism, and is a really unique type of outcast. Reader's background it's derived from my Wednesday fic, The Hunt.
You couldn't remember a thing.
No, you remember one thing: laying down and blacking out for once, after spending three nights staring at the bedroom ceiling non-stop. Then you finally closed your eyes and when you opened them again, you saw your own brother painting above you, despair in his eyes and blood covering his red skin.
He shouted questions at you as an animal crawled behind him. You blinked a few times and did not reply, your attention was on the animal, on the beast now standing in front of you.
“Y/N!” Your brother made you sit up, completely unaware of the monster in his back, and asked again: “Who made you sleep? Who guided you?”
Your mouth dried and your stomach crunched as the monster kept getting closer. You knew that monster. The Hyde. Your parents talked about it in the last few months, it was why you came to Jericho in the first place. And it was about to hit you when your brother stood up.
Hank turned his back to you and pushed the monster away, his hands now turned into claws.
You hated when he transformed, and your hatred only grew as you realized what you have done.
While your brother was fighting the beast, you stood up from the ground and looked around the place. You have never been here before but you knew it from pictures. The Pilgrim World, The Outcast Convention. There were bleachers all over the grass and spotlights illuminating the stages your parents were sitting on a few minutes ago. Maybe hours. How long have you been asleep? And why was this place so empty? Where did the crowds go? And there are—Oh. You looked at the person on your feet. A werewolf, you guessed, as she was growling and sleeping peacefully in the grass. There were about five more teenagers in the same state as hers, blacked out on the floor. Then you understood. You understood what you have done.
You have ruined the Outcast Convention.
X
He covered you with a blanket as the policemen ran through the place. They were after Tyler, your brother told you, not you. You were sitting in the paramedics' triage line when your brother broke out from the mess and noise and sat beside you.
“I need you to answer me this time, okay?” He whispered in your ear before you could see more policemen emerging from somewhere behind you. You heard the alert on their radio. The Hyde was arrested. “Who made you sleep?” You finally looked at him. "Was it mother? You can shake your head.”
You nodded slightly. Yes, you remembered your mother ordering you to go to the bed and then singing a creepy lullaby for you. It was horrible — she was horrible, but it worked. Or maybe the stinky towel in her hand that worked very well.
Your brother’s whole expression stiffened as you replied. He already knew what your mother did to you. He used to help her with it.
“You can’t go back.” Hank mumbled and instantly regretted it. He shook his head before looking at you again. “I freed myself from them, Y/N.” He whispered. “I’m not going back to their camp, and you don’t have to go either. We..we can stay here. You can study and I can work here in Nevermore. I have friends now, they can’t make us leave. Not again.” You saw a tear running down his cheek. “Do you want to? Would you stay with me?”
You felt his strong grip softing around your shoulder, all the intensity in his behavior was clear but he would never risk hurting you. Not anymore. That’s why he needed you to say ‘yes’, he needed you to run away with him.
So you accepted it, you nodded your head convincingly, and you never saw your brother so happy. You never thought he would cry for joy — but he was crying and hugging you even with so many hurt people around him. Hank then stood up and asked you to follow him as he healed the wounded people. The people you hurted, you thought, even though he made no mention of it. Your brother's curse was the perfect risk control for yours: you wounded, he absorbed the wound. No one could ever prove your guilt — your parents' guilt, and the show kept on going. But not anymore.
Now you were a student at Nevermore.
X
You liked it at first. The school, not the people. Outcast or normie, teenagers were mean in any form. But no one really tried to talk to you after the Convention, and it made things way easier. Everyone knew your name — well, your L/N, but it worked nonetheless — and your brother talked with all the teachers about you. Which meant you didn’t have to sit in pairs nor speak to anyone in class. Even some of your exams were different so you didn’t have to present anything in front of a classmate.
“The teachers and the principal are very comprehensive” Hank told you after you came back smiling from your first day. “But you’ll have to speak to some students at some point. I can help you with it.”
“Why?” You replied immediately. “There’s no need.”
“You are in high school.” You rolled your eyes in response. “You do need a friend.” You walked straight to your room and did not utter another word to your brother for the rest of the day.
Then his schemes began. Well, he was the school advisor after all. And you were now his messenger.
Hank sent you a quest everyday: to deliver a letter, a note, a corrected exam, a chocolate box.
“Chocolate?” You asked as soon as he handed you the box.
“Well, she’s having a really bad time, she needs it.” You rolled your eyes again and walked after the poor girl.
You understood your brother’s strategy: he wanted you to knock on the door, greet the person and then deliver the package. Naive man. You actually only put the package in the hallway, knocked on the door and walked away. No speaking needed at all.
By far, you have barely spoken to anyone.
Some people tried: Xavier Thorpe and Enid Sinclair, your brother’s friends, tried to small talk with you a few times, but you only smiled awkwardly and shook your head until they gave up. There was also this goth girl with them, she was your brother’s friend too, but you could not make yourself look at her. It was hard enough to look at Xavier, who you knew for years, so imagine looking at someone who seems to be a wrong word away from murdering you. Nope. Not a chance.
But Hank — oh, how you hated him sometimes — has this “getting out of your comfort zone” obsession and would never leave you alone.
“No.” It was the first package you refused to deliver. You would not walk to Ophelia Hall to deliver a blank paper note to her. “No, Hank. Please, can’t we just go home? I’m exhausted.”
Your brother looked up from the papers on his desk and watched you with concern. He had noticed how the bags under your eyes had grown, but he had refused to put you to sleep.
“I won't lock you up.” Hank reminded you. “You have to learn to control it.”
“Whatever, Hank.” You sighed, your shoulders and eyes weighing a little more than usual. “Can we go home?”
“Wednesday is with the key to my bike. You have to meet her, wanting or not.”
“Why would she—?” Hank helped her with her creepy stuff, of course, they had a deal after all. You gave up questioning and grabbed the blank note from your brother’s desk. He wished you good luck before you slammed the door.
Yeah, sure, an elf definitely needs luck.
You stomped your way to Ophelia Hall. Ophelia, the girl who was driven mad by her family. How ironic.
The Housemaster didn't even bother with your presence at that point, he just let you pass. You silently strode through the halls, as you were getting used to doing, and no students really noticed you. At least that's what you thought until a shrill voice hurt your ears.
“Pretty L/N!” Was it even a human voice? “Come here, beautiful.” You obviously ignored her. “Oh, wait.” You heard laughter. “That’s the weird L/N.” Oh, fuck, like it's even possible to mistake you for your brother. “Will you reply if we growl?” The voice grew louder on your back. “I think we need to bring a fur to crawl and sniff your ass! This way you will be a good pet, won’t you?” Do not react. Do not react. Do not—you felt the paper scratching the palm of your hand. Your firsts were so strongly closed that your arms were trembling. Your whole body was trembling and they noticed.
The voice finally gained a face and a group of teenagers appeared in front of you. You didn't even notice that you had stopped walking.
“How ugly. You are even worse up close.”
As if you are a beauty.
“It is a pity that you have absolutely nothing to do with your brother.”
Of course I have not, we’re adopted, you stupid bitch.
“Piss off, Gwen, he’s trying to help Hanky. You know, he’s his messenger.”
“That’s why he keeps ghosting our dorm? No, I do not believe that.”
“Come on, you think he’s a perv or something?”
You watched the two girls talking. Did they always have to be this tall? Your neck was already hurt because of your exemplary posture, and looking up certainly didn't help.
“Look at him. He sure is.”
You felt a drop falling into your eyes and winched in reflex. Fuck. Your forehead was totally soaked, as was your clothes. You took a glimpse of the crushed paper in your hand: it was completely wet. You ruined the blank paper note. Pathetic.
“You suck at this.” The voice laughed again. “That’s your message?” The girl grabbed the paper from your hand before you could move away. “You can not speak, you can not deliver a single note, you can not look even me in the eye.” The girl leaned over you. “Is there anything you can do?” You could feel her scoff on your face. “You worthless piece of shit.”
You did not respond. You did not look up. You were barely breathing. Sweat kept running down your face as the girl gave up. She got tired of waiting for a slight response from your and turned back. She was about to finally step away when you moved your foot.
The girl was unexpectedly face down on the ground and her friends gasped at the ugly fall. Everyone looked at you. Oh, how satisfactorily angry they seemed.
“You did it on purpose, you asshole!”
“I can’t believe you’re laughing!” You were not laughing, only smirking a little bit.
“You’ll pay for this!”
A foot kicked your shin, which prevented you from running away. Then a fist hit your face and an elbow struck your back. You stopped recognizing what was hitting you once your knees touched the ground. Your vision turned into a blur and your ears heard nothing but a whirring as they slapped your head. It didn’t actually hurt: you were too numb to describe it as something uncomfortable, and you were used to beatings. But then a boot, somehow, managed to get between your crossed arms and sunk into your stomach. You could feel the weight getting deep in your gut, and the acid taste of your lunch emerged into your mouth. You did not hold it back.
You puked on the girl's shoes and got her socks to be soiled as well. Your throat was burning and dry coughs were already escaping from your dirty lips when you heard the screams distancing themselves.
They had run off.
You crawled on the floor, moving away from the vomit that slipped down the girl’s legs. You do not even know if you have thrown up in the right one.
You growled in anger as you grabbed the dirty paper note from the ground and stood up. Wednesday’s door was only a few feet down the hallway and you needed to go home. You quickly saw her room’s door and stormed in without even knocking.
You were met by a circular window, half colored, half blank. A girl shouted to your left, and a subtle movement came from the right.
You didn’t look at anyone, you didn’t speak to anyone: you simply targeted the key on Wednesday’s desk and rushed to it. You tripped on something on the way — on Thing — but that didn't stop you from taking the key and turning back to the door. You were about to slam the door shut when a cold voice reached you.
“My message.” You were still holding the paper. Fuck. You threw the squashed paper at her feet and left without saying anything.
You felt Wednesday's eyes following your movements — analyzing your soaked uniform, your bruised face and dirty lips, but none of that mattered.
The only thing that mattered was the cold metal between your fingers, the key to your escape, to your brother's motorcycle. Your blood flowed through your veins as the wind cut through your ears, and you ran through the school until you reached the parking lot and the motorcycle.
You started the engine and ran out of Nevermore without looking back.
The cold wind didn't cool your mind, but shivers ran down your skin as you jumped off the bike and left it in the driveway. You barely closed the door and ran into your bedroom. To the glass cell that opened only from the outside. You locked yourself in and threw yourself to the floor as the salty taste of tears mixed with the acidity of everything you had eaten during the day. You were still crying.
And you kept crying until your body got exhausted.
You fell asleep.
@tnnadia @stupendousbananajudgeshark @colezb @aroaceanxietylemon @elduster @iwkaaaaa @mikooooks @chaoticteenagetrash
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