#I remember when she called some place to tell them he was depressed too. I might have said this already. but she sounded so MAD

[llycaons]

I have defended my older brother to my mom before but it was really hard, and that was 1. as an adult 2. when it was just verbal criticism and 3. with no risk to myself. I think about 15 year old jc throwing himself in front of wwx to protect him from a mother who he was clearly terrified of and who was physically attacking him and I go ouuugghh it all hurts so bad. one of his finest moments for real

[kneelingshadowsalome]

König is, obviously, a big little freak. Do you think he'd feel flattered/lovestruck if a cute girl stalked and was obsessed with him or would he be weirded out? I think the first: for once he gets pussy and love without having to do anything. Also it'd be kinda funny if he didn't even notice his little admirer at first cause she doesn't register as a threat and he's too busy being broody and depressed cause he's so alone (while reader is in her apartment fantasizing about their future kids and drawing little hearts on a pic of him)

Ohhh yes. König being oblivious af, thinks this is simply a joke.

It started out in school: cute little postcards that had bunnies or kittens or flowers or hearts on them, delivered to him by his mom who was smirking about how her boy had a secret admirer. There was nothing fancy scribbled on the other side, just soft, silly messages like: "I like you!" or "Your cute" or "Luv u ♡", and König saved them all.

…Until he showed the postcards to the wrong “friends”, who only made fun of them. One of the boys told him they sent those cards to him as a joke because no girl could ever want him, and König believed them. Allowed himself one, maybe two tears in solitude before he threw those cards away.

What was odd, though, was that the cards still kept coming. He always threw them in the trash, and at some point while growing up, they stopped arriving. No cats or hearts or cute mice illustrations for him anymore, just loads of video games and internet and a growing interest in war history and gym.

He didn’t think much of it after the age of 17, just went to the army to make a man out of himself. Got laid for the first time, got bullied some more, grew some muscle and grew some balls. Got kicked out of sniper training, his one and only dream, and went back home to brood for a few weeks.

That’s when he received the letter.

A 5 page love letter, written in beautiful, whimsical handwriting, smelling of something so angelic that it drove even the eternal stench of gunpowder and rust and military storage away.

König gets plunged into a whole world of soft feminine attention without even asking to, the letter now placed on his old desk that’s too small for him to sit at anymore. The fragrant sheets of paper are filled with confessions of adoration and love and… it would be a little bit creepy, were he a man who fancied so-called normal women.

He goes to the attic, searching his old cardboard boxes for the postcards to compare the handwriting, but can’t find none, remembering that yeah… he threw all of them away, didn’t he? The handwriting wouldn’t match anyway, that much he can remember, but then again it was a kid who wrote to him back then. Now, his admirer is a grown woman who apparently got back on her obsession train once he visited his childhood home after years of living abroad.

The hair on his shins, arms and at the back of his neck shoots up as he realizes some woman has a crush on him, some cute girl has been watching him since day one. Those postcards weren’t a joke, so she must have gone to the same school as him… She might be the daughter of some of their neighbors, living right next to him even now.

König goes door to door in search of her, but only wrinkly elders arrive to tell him that no, they never had a daughter or granddaughter or if they had, they have long since moved out to some big city.

He goes through the letter once again but finds no clues to who she is or where she lives. It’s just pages and pages of flattery about how he’s still the man of her dreams and so much more. How he’s even cuter now that he looks like someone pissed in his cereal. She wonders if he’s built the same everywhere, and if he is, then she should say her evening prayers… Too many impure thoughts going through her head already, why does he have to be so handsome?

König is in hell, as always, desperately trying to look for his admirer when he goes out to take the trash. Visions of some girl touching herself at the thoughts of him pester him from sunrise to sunset, and he has to take a cold shower every morning simply because one wank doesn’t seem to be enough to tame the big fellow downstairs.

He hugs his pillow and dreams of his girl, someone sweet to wrap his arms around and to protect. He fantasizes of someone cute waiting for him, someone he could surprise every time he gets home, someone adorable to eat out until they sob and squirm. Until he gets the stench of death out of his mouth…

A message arrives on his phone from an unknown number, and at first he thinks it’s spam.

But when he opens the message, he’s met with two perfect bare breasts. So fucking cute, especially when they’re accompanied by a set of fingertips grazing her soft skin; König even notices she has red nail polish on. So adorably, incredibly cute…

There comes a text that says: “I thought of sending you another postcard, big boy… But perhaps you don't care for kittens anymore. Hopefully this will do? ❤️”

There’s no face reveal, just tits and a cute female hand laid out there before him. Just a text that confirms that she’s the one. Typing a quick reply, he sends it to the unknown number: “This will more than just do 😳❤️❤️❤️”

Without thinking, like, at all, he pulls out his already hard cock and takes a hurried picture of it with a trembling hand. He usually knows better than to send a dick pic to a girl, especially after exchanging less than two sentences with them. But hey, she started this. The least he can do is give her something to pray about (and for)..

So he sends that horrid picture of his ugly cock to his cute mystery girl before she can even type a reply to the first message, and asks: “Are we praying tonight, my lady?”

[personasintro]

Mutual Help | #02

𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭: @kithtaehyung

↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it mutual help

⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jungkook x reader

⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fake dating au, fluff, angst, smut, slow burn

⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language

⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.9k+

⇠ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯. | 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ⇢ 

"Can you pretend to be my girlfriend?"

"What?" you breathe out, shaking your head as if to make sure you've heard him correctly. "Pretend to be your girlfriend? Are you kidding?"

But he doesn't look as if he's kidding. He's looking at you with hopeless eyes, or maybe it's just an alcohol in his system that makes him look like a lost puppy.

"No," he gulps, slowly shaking his head. "If Kiko sees me with another woman, maybe she'll want me back. She told me she loves me. Maybe she'll want me back once she sees me with someone else."

"You realize how ridiculous and stupid that idea is? You're an adult, Jungkook. That's just stupid." you tell him, feeling yourself getting tired but you don't allow yourself to close your eyes. You'd doze off right away.

"I know, it's pathetic. But it's the only idea and a hope I have left."

"Kook, that's not healthy. What if she doesn't care?" you ask him carefully, eyeing his slumped figure.

"Then I'll have to move on." he answers, dryly gulping as if he's repulsed by that idea.

"I don't know, Kook. I don't think it's a good idea. You're not some teenager who needs to prove something to her. If she let you go, then it's on her. She was stupid enough to do that."

And he stays quiet, leaning his back against the headrest as he allows his eyes to rest. Without thinking anything further, you do the same thing. There's a comfortable silence in the room and for a moment, you think he's asleep. But before you can allow yourself to drift next to him on his couch, his raspy yet soft voice booms between the walls.

"Did you really bring me banana milk?"

A wide smile spreads on your lips as you nod, before you realize he can't see you. "Yes." you answer him, not moving an inch knowing he's going to beg in a second.

"Can you give it to me?" he asks quietly, almost as if ashamed that what he really asks for right now is a stupid banana milk.

"I thought you're not a fucking kid." you quote his words while teasing him. You knew he couldn't resist.

"Y/N," he growls, not pleased by your teasing but you're already standing up and turning the lamp on before you go to rummage through your bag, until two small bottles of banana milk are in your hands.

You can barely hand it to him before he's already grabbing the bottles, placing them into his lap as he opens one of them. He happily drinks it, smacking his lips once he gets the first taste. You can't help but snort at the sight in front of you.

"I've missed you." he blurts out, eyes widening as he waits for your reaction. He hastily looks at you, noticing your amused gaze before you smile at him.

"I've missed you too." you admit, knowing how genuine your words are.

Jungkook seems to be relieved that you've missed him too, which makes him feel even worse for acting like an asshole earlier today. It was embarrassing enough that Jimin and Taehyung had to see him in that kind of state – depressed and distant.

"I'm sorry for acting like an asshole earlier," he admits, "And I'm glad Jimin called you. God, those two are awful at making people feel better."

You can't help but laugh at that, remembering their distressed faces and Taehyung's desperate need to pour alcohol into depressed Jungkook. If the situation wasn't so serious, you'd laugh straight away then.

"Nah, it's okay. We all have our bad days and your reason was quite valid. Remember when I threw a remote at you? I don't think you were worse today."

"How can I forget? You got your period and I made a single joke thinking you'll find it funny. Who knew you'd throw a remote at me."

You can't remember what the joke was, but you were so annoyed with him that you grabbed the first thing and threw it at him – which happened to be your TV remote. It was back in the day when you both spent almost every day together. It's really been awhile since the two of you just sat and talked. And it seems like Jungkook thinks the same thing.

"Fuck, I feel like the worst best friend." he speaks up, throwing his head back before he shakes off his bangs out of his eyes.

"You were in a relationship, Jungkook. It was bound to happen." you tell him, shrugging your shoulders. Some part of you wished you'd hang out together all the time, like the old times. But it was impossible. And selfish of you to even wish that.

"Yeah, but when you were dating Haechan, we still used to hang out together more often. I completely blew you off."

Haechan. 

Your first boyfriend of five months, someone you've lost your virginity to. He was a sweet guy that made your heart flutter, and your naive young you thought he's the one. But he wasn't. Just because he made your heart flutter, it didn't mean much. Two months after you guys slept together, you both broke up with each other. It was mutual and the two of you remained friends. Not close though. You don't text each other or anything like that, but you still check out his Instagram profile just from pure curiosity. You'll always share something together, even though it wasn't anything romantic – at least not the way you've always imagined.

Maybe that's why it was easy to spend your free time with Jungkook as well. Rather than being with your boyfriend, you spend your time with your best friend. Even the sex was completely unadventurous and it felt like something you did just to release your sexual frustration.

"What if he agreed to break up with me because I didn't satisfy him enough?" you ask with widened eyes, thinking about all the times you had sex with him. It wasn't that many, but still.

"Oh, come on. That's not true." Jungkook snickers.

"You don't know that!" you frown, deeply in thought. "I've never had anyone else before him and our sex was boring. I wanted to spice it up but he'd just straight up say 'no'."

"From what I'm hearing, it looks like he was the one who wasn't satisfying you enough," he raises his brow, causing you to pucker your lips in thought. "No woman should ever feel like sex with her partner is boring. It's about communication."

You kind of hate how right his words are. He makes it sound so easy, but even though your relationship with Haechan ended after a few months, it wasn't just about sex.

"Sex wasn't the most important thing in our relationship, Kook. There were other factors that caused our break up. For example, our feelings."

"It might not be the most important thing, but it's important. All those things like sex, communication and feelings are a part of a great functioning relationship."

He's right. Maybe that's why your relationship with Haechan didn't work. It lacked all of those things, maybe not entirely but still enough for you to know that it'd never work out. You wanted it though, so much. There were days when you thought he's the one. But you were young and naive, you know that now.

"Look at me," Jungkook scoffs, shaking his head at himself. "Talking like some professional when my own relationship got fucked up."

There are no right words that you could possibly say to him. No matter what reason Kiko had to break up with him, you're sure it's not Jungkook's fault. He gave her everything, all of himself. If you think about it in a poetic way, he handed his own heart to her, gifting it to her and she took it and broke it.

"Maybe our sex wasn't great, but at least I got someone to have sex with. Maybe I should find someone." you ignore his previous words, knowing talking about it would hurt him even more.

"Like a boyfriend?" he asks, taking a sip of his banana milk as he stares at you in surprise.

"Well, I meant like a fuck buddy, y'know..." you trail off.

You haven't talked about this with anyone and it's just something that recently occurred to you. You're not that type to even think something like that. But you're twenty-two and even though you haven't met anyone interesting, you could still spice up your sex life. You're a woman with desires and urges. There is so little you can do all by yourself.

"What?" he mutters, looking confused as hell. "But you always wanted--I'm sorry I'm just shocked. I never thought you'd ever think about having a fuck buddy."

You can't be surprised by the confusion that's laced in his voice and visible on his face. You've always talked about how you want to have a normal relationship. You're pretty sure you've mentioned, that one time when you both got drunk, you can't imagine having a fuck buddy.

"I know," you mutter before frowning. "But for fuck sake, Kook. I'm twenty-two with almost no sex experiences. I'm really grateful for my relationship with Haechan, but even though the sex was boring, it was still some kind of experience. You know what I mean?"

From desperation to faint mumble, you lick your lips as you keep frowning at empty beer bottles.

Being open with Jungkook is no shock, he's probably the only person you can talk to about everything and he won't judge you. It's easy to talk to him. Yet, you know you're being this honest saying out your thoughts, with the small help of alcohol. As much as you wanted to distract him, you've never planned to talk to him about your sex life.

"I can help." he speaks up, eyes staring at the television screen.

Your head snaps towards him, mouth opening as you stare at your best friend and pure shock. Did you hear him right? "Help? How?"

He visibly gulps, slowly turning his head to you. "With your sex experiences. I can help you."

Is he for real?

"Y-you want to help me, do you mean like us having sex?"

You can hear your heart beating in your ear drums, echoing loudly as you keep staring at the man in front of you. He's joking. He must be. Oh god, if you misread the situation you're going to bury yourself and never come out.

"Yeah," he says slowly, dragging that one single word out of his mouth. "Well, we don't have to have sex. There are other ways we could try to help with your sex life."

There are no words coming out of your mouth. Your whole body freezes as you let his words echo in your head for quite some time. Jungkook, your best friend, just proposed to help you with your secret desires. That sounds insane. What the hell goes through his head? You've got an idea.

"Do you think I'm that desperate?" you frown, meeting his widened gaze. "I won't use you just for my stupid desires. What about you, huh? You're in love with Kiko. Wouldn't that be weird? We're best friends."

He's not overwhelmed by your outburst, noting your every question that spilled out of your mouth in a flashlight.

"No, I don't think you're desperate. I was the one who proposed it. And yes, I'm in love with Kiko but, we're not in a relationship and I'm a man with needs. Do you think me beating my meat every time I'm in a shower is somehow pleasurable? Nope."

"Okay, too much information," you scrunch your nose at the mention of his masturbating and talking about it so casually. You wouldn't be so against it, if it weren't for the current situation and the image of the two of you having sex. "You didn't answer the best friend part."

"What's there to answer? We're best friends and if we both agree that's what we want, I don't see a problem here. But of course, it was just an idea. We don't have to do anything, if you're uncomfortable with this. I'm sorry if I made things weird right now, it wasn't my intention."

You see regret flash inside of his eyes, looking away for a moment before his soft brown eyes are set on you again. The weird thing is, that you don't feel uncomfortable nor weird at his proposed idea. It's unusual, yes, but your friendship with him was always super close. You used to sleep in the same bed and there were times when he was showering, while you were brushing your teeth. Of course, you haven't seen him naked during those times, even though there is one time he accidentally flashed you with his dick. Maybe this is just another way to cope with his feelings.

"But-- do you even find me attractive?"

Kiko is taller, slimmer yet with wide hips and perky ass. A woman who takes care of herself, yet she still looks naturally beautiful. And then there's you. You don't think of yourself as being ugly. But when you think about all those times Jungkook saw you in your natural habitat. Wasted, mascara running down your cheeks, every morning you woke up with frizzy hair and puffy eyes – there are so many times when he probably thought you looked like a mess. You never cared but for some reason, you feel embarrassed remembering all those times.

"Of course," he blurts out, "You're beautiful."

Your heart flutters, smiling at your best friend as you look down for a moment. "Is this your way of getting me into bed?" you ask him with a puzzled look, seeing the way his eyebrows shoot up before he frowns.

"Of course not. I'm not desperate," he uses your own words against you, looking offended by your question.

But, he's still the one who proposed that idea and you tell him that.

"Maybe I did, but please know that I'm not trying to get you into bed. I would never do that, I would never use you. You're important to me, you know that, right?" he says, his voice turning soft as he pleads with you with his eyes. He needs you to hear it.

And you feel like an asshole assuming such a thing. It was just the first thought you got.

"I know," you whisper, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Maybe we can help each other, with no hard feelings. We've got only each other."

There are friends like Taehyung and Jimin, who are incredible people that you're lucky to call your friends. But your friendship with Jungkook is special.

"What do you mean?" you poke the inside of your cheek with an intrigued gaze.

Jungkook is handsome, you'd lie if you thought otherwise. He's hot and there are times when he gets you flustered, but you've never seen him anything more. He's your best friend after all, that's where you draw the line. You can't imagine something more happening between you two.

"I'll help you with your sexual desires and you'll pretend to be my girlfriend."

"Jungkook--"

"Just for a month!" he quickly insists, causing you to sigh.

"But aren't you still getting more? You get to fuck me and have me to pretend to be your girlfriend."

It's not fair.

"No, I don't have to fuck you if you don't want me to. I can help you explore everything you failed to do with Haechan, it's totally up to you. We could see where it brings us." he explains.

It's not like you doubt him, you know that he'd never do anything to intentionally hurt you. Jungkook is the most selfless person you know.

"Are you sure this is what you want? Won't it ruin our friendship?" You can't help but ask. It's probably the most valuable reason why you're so unsure about all of this. If there's a chance it'll ruin your friendship with him, you won't do it.

You can't lose him.

"Doesn't best friends who get to fuck each other end up badly? I don't want our friendship to be ruined. What if one of us catches feelings? You never know..." you mumble, feeling him shift as he scoots closer to you.

He cups your face in a gentle manner, tucking a strand of hair behind your hair. "I love you," he tells you, "As a best friend and that won't ever change."

He's staring between your eyes, eyeing you in a silent question causing you to smile at him.

"I love you too, Kook. But I don't think I can fall in love with you, I can't imagine it. You're just... my best friend. It feels right that way." you assure him honestly, seeing him to give you the slightest smile.

"Good," he nods, "But we don't have to do this."

You can see the honesty that glimmers in his eyes, but there's still that hurt hidden behind it. Hurt that Kiro caused. You don't agree with Jungkook's plan of trying to win her back, but if you're going to help him and you've nothing to lose – what's wrong with that?

"I guess I'm just scared that after some time it'll feel like we're using each other." you murmur, dropping your gaze before he gently tucks his finger under your chin as he lifts your head up.

"If you ever feel that way, tell me and we're going to end it. I don't want to hurt you."

Smiling, you nod along his words. "Okay," you murmur, "I guess you're right. It doesn't have to be weird if we're comfortable with this and with each other as well."

He nods, agreeing with you.

"You're right," he licks his bottom lip before saying;

"It's mutual help."

[the-fandom-is-now-my-life]

So uh...I know the odds of this happening is slim to none, but I figure I'll shoot my shot: the Creator having a little one, who is sporting a small diamond marking on their forehead? (Xiao, it's Xiao as the dad.) And for fun: Venti somehow gets blamed for this! :D

Tsarita: The Yaksha has an Anemo Vision. Of course someone who uses the element of Barbatos would be so forward as to try something with the Creator!

Venti: I DID NOTHING, WHY AM I BEING BLAMED?!

A forever diamond

WC: ~600

Cw: Raiden is alloyist 😔

Imagine if this happened close to cloud retainer and she just side eyes Xiao like "this one is impressed the conqueror of demons has, what the younger generations call, rizz"

Xuezhui’s birthdays are a whole event for liyue, somewhat of an unofficial holiday, people are often given half day or the whole day to roam the streets, different vendors setting stalls with food and trinkets.

A room would get rented in the xinyue salon and the seven stars and the archons would accompany for lunch and a small dessert for the toddler.

As you finish eating and leave Xuezhui on the floor she starts running to a small group of children, zhongli trailing behind her so you could finish your conversation with keqing.

Regal as when he was an archon zhongli stands a few meters away from the little group of children playing tag. Sometimes he can't help but let himself drift in his thoughts, Xuezhui is so similar to Xiao when he rescued him, even when only a handful of people remember that day he can see it as clear as day. Could Xiao have spent his younger life as carefree as this little girl?

Suddenly he is snapped from his daydream by a scream and sobbing.

“What is it, little one?” zhongli leans forward where xuezhui was seated crying, some of her friends surrounding her. He saw her fall while chasing each other but it didn't seem hard enough for her to not keep playing.

“It hurrrttss” her hands clasped on her forehead, tear clouding her eyes.

“Let me see” softly he pries her hands away, expecting to see some flushed skin, maybe a bruise or some blood but it was neither of those, rather it was a small purple diamond “...interesting”

“What happened over here?” Quickly you walk towards them, worried about the soft sniffles and suddenly falling to the floor. She makes grabby hands so you perch her on your hip, smoothing her hair.

“Someone can't refuse her inheritance for too long” he taps between his brows, letting you know. Swiftly you move her bangs, showing a small diamond just under her hairline.

“I thought it was make up”

“it would make sense with his depressive persona but as you already know adepti have no need for vision and merely wear one to comply with human expectations,” he picks something up from the floor, a small golden plate before placing it on the silk in the back of her dress “on the contrary, half adeptus like Ganyu need a vision to canalize elemental energy yet can use adeptal features to hone their abilities”

“I can barely manage her as it's, don't tell me that was a vision”

His hand falls on your shoulder, a stiff smile trying not to laugh at you “I would invest in fire insurance”

Seemingly your defeated face was very visible, even from a few meters away, or you took a fair amount of time, as some archon and Ningguang were approaching you.

“Is anything wrong I could help with?” Ningguang speaks first, wandering what might have happened.

“Xuezhui fell, just a small nick on the forehead” zhongli snickers behind you.

“if she hurt herself I'm sure Dr Baizhu wouldn't mind checking her up quickly” she attempts to check her but you change her to the other side, attempting to hide her mark.

“She is fine, she just got scared and is a bit cuddly”

“oh, what a shame, I wanted to try her beloved almond tofu but if she is so stuck with you we will have to leave it for another occasion”

“Almond tofu! Let's go” she jumps out of your arms and jumps towards Raiden, who notices instantly the soft purple diamond “mmh, what is this?” she swipes her thumb over it but it doesn't smudge, the edges perfectly neat.

“Who does that remind me of?” Venti taps his chin.

“the vigilant yaksha?...” Ningguang mumbles under her breath. She did know he took the role of your bodyguard but never thought your relationship would be so more intimate

“So in the end it WAS your fault…”

“but he is from Liyue! It's Morax’s fault!”

“But he has an anemo vision”

“What is that supposed to mean?!”

“All anemo vision holders are libertine or lazy”

“Hey! That is alloyism!”

“who would have guessed this would work out nicely for me”

[thesoftestmess]

this might not be canon, but personally i need furina to struggle a whole lot longer and harder with post-prophecy depression and mental illness. She's played the same tiring and painful act for five centuries, was constantly in a life or death scenario and had to hide her true self from the world the entire time and she won't just recover in a few years from that.

There's parts of her that will never ever be compatible with a simple human lifestyle, and parts of her that are irreparably broken. She isn't sure of her personality after everything that happened and the lie she had to live. She slips between personas and her archon temperament comes through like a defensive mechanism at any sign of conflict or trouble.

She's plagued by nightmares. Of the flood, of the trial, of the people closest to her conspiring against her behind her back, and of being found out in a million terrible ways. Of saying the wrong thing, making a wrong decision. Of being found out, of being found out, of being found out.

Lying or keeping a secret feels existential still. Being honest still feels life threatening sometimes. Putting herself first feels like putting both hands on a hot stove.

She doesn't live in the palais anymore, doesn't have to sit through trials anymore, but her heart and soul are still there. In her dreams she's still at the place she spent her entire life's memories at.

Yes, she can make new memories, but it'll take time. More time than she has, maybe, now that she's the closest to being human she'll ever be.

She'll never be human in the way the people around her are.

What sort of human has 500 years worth of memories after all? What human tells personal anecdotes and mixes up their centuries?

What sort of human can feel the absence of their divinity like it's a physical thing? A voice that will never speak to her again, or keep her alive? What human has no family, no childhood?

What human remembers so little, but still remembers death somewhere deep within?

She jerks out of sleep from it sometimes, gasping for air, and spends the rest of the night awake, almost frozen by fear. The flood is over, but it's hard to convince her racing heart that the danger is too.

Humans have entire family trees that go generations back, but Furina was put into this world a solitary creature, her blood heavy with sin ever since she turned human.

She owns a hydro vision now and doesn't know how to yield it, but the ocean still calls out to her some days. Sea creatures flock to her like they can smell she's not human enough.

She learns how to make little hydro companions for herself, so the darkness and emptiness of her apartment feels less ominous when she lies awake at night.

She can't turn her vision into a weapon quite yet, but when it rains the droplets seem to cling to her. She's watched them roll upwards along her arm, watched them gather in her palm like kin. She wonders if sea creatures flock to neuvillette in a similar way, or if his immense power makes them recoil. She wonders if elemental dragons can feel regret. Wonders if he, too, ever feels entirely foreign in that human body he was given. If he, too, lies awake trying to grasp faint memories of a past life.

She's extremely human in the way she's plagued by body pains from not being able to relax just one day in five centuries. The years catch up with her once she gets out of survival mode, and fatigue is a constant companion now. Sleep comes difficultly and getting out of bed was easier when the fate of a whole nation depended on it. On her. She's never lived for just herself before and some days she's not sure she wants to.

She did her duty and earned her retirement and the story turned out well, all things considered. She still has people by her side, some of them.

Still, she feels raw and tired and overwhelmed by the life lying ahead of her. As a human and as someone who will always be Something Else.

[fanficwriterlover]

My Choice Our Consequence

Chapter 2 (Part 2) Big News to All

Summary: You called your friend Gaz, and want to catch up with him and obviously explain your absence, maybe even hear how the other members of the taskforce are doing. You miss them, but you're adjusting to the life of being pregnant...it's just the weight of your child (besides heaviness) father lingers in the back of your mind...how will you ever tell Ghost ?

Expectations: Mentions of SA, Assault, Cursing, Victimizing, Narcissistic behavior, manipulation, Stalking, Smoking, Drinking, etc..(Let me know if I miss anything)

Call Sign: Hera or Lil Light

Word Count : 4.3k (Sorry it's short gotta keep a good cliffhanger)

A03 Version

Your Home at 10:00 AM

Gaz now stands in front of your door, he had showered, dressed in his civilian clothes and ran to grab your favorite pastry; scones. He wasn’t sure what to expect behind the door, in fact he was terrified, he was scared to see your light diminishing due to depression or maybe an illness. It was something he always loved about you. You lit up the room. It was something Soap and him always brought up how it seemed to brighten whenever you enter. You left a hole in the taskforce and everyone knew it. Reluctantly he raised his fist and gently knocked on the door. Shifting his weight on his feet, he took in the smells from outside, it was a cozy complex for sure. You obviously made more money than him. He then heard the doorknob began to rattle snapping his attention to the door where he saw YOU standing there.

He must’ve been holding his breath, because when he release the cool air of the fall autumn took it away. There you were standing with the door cracked peeking your head out. You haven’t changed. The smile adorning your face made him want to melt, you still were just as bright from the last time he saw you. Yet you looked different…almost mature different. You were wearing a black button accent, with long sleeve. It looked almost like a dress but stopped short of your thighs, where it was covered by some jeans that snug nicely. And a cute black slip on van shoes. Seeing you in civilian clothes was different, however, it suited you. You hair was done up in a messy bun, with strands coming down the sides of your forehead and cheek. You were still stunning.

“Gaz !” you say softly yet excited. “Hey doll, wow so this where you been hiding. You’re not even far from our base !” he huffs in disbelief, to think it probably wouldn’t have taken long to run into you from the base yet here you were. When you opened the door wider you encouraged him to come in which he did. For the life of him he couldn’t see what could possibly be wrong with you to resign from the taskforce, you seemed perfectly healthy and well normal, so why ? “Gaz is that…” he stood there confused as he waited for you to finish your sentence. “Is that scones I smell ? “ your eyes widen with glee, as he then remembers he collected you some that were in his arms. He chuckles “Yeah, I come bearing gifts.” You laugh softly encouraging him in “Come in” he steps through the door as you take the scones from him, walking into the kitchen. Your place is definitely more cozier than he anticipated, it also seemed well….tidy. But something else about it that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Stepping into the living room, the couch was facing where the tv was, with a fire place in the corner that was lit, it kept the room warm even though the house itself seemed well insulated. There were pictures of you adorning the mantle over the fireplace, with a women, your mother from the looks of it. She looked like you. You shouted from the kitchen “Earl grey tea I take ? “ he responds back loud enough for you to hear, “You remember well y/n” he laughs softly taking in the room. Before hearing your steps walk back into the room. You outstretch your hand to give his cup, which he takes. After which you began to sit down onto the couch, a bit carefully too he noticed. Odd.  Seemed like you were physically struggling to sit, yet walked fine. “Come sit Gaz, I can see questions running through your forehead” you snort at this then began blowing into your cup, with the steam blowing in front of your face. He chuckles at that. “Quit bloody reading me yeah ?” he takes his seat on the other end of the couch from you holding the cup.

Your POV

For a while the silence and the acknowledging each other’s presence was nice. It was hard to believe he was in your living room. You missed him. You missed all the lads of 141. Yet you knew he had questions especially your reason for disappearing. You set your cup down, onto the coffee table that was a bit more pushed away than needed “I know you’re wondering why I resigned…and why I didn’t say goodbye.” You say this with your gaze away from him, your knees tucked under you as you had your elbow on the back of the couch, your hand holding your head.

Sleeping has become a bit of a challenge for your but obviously Gaz was unaware of your current predicament. You purposely picked this top to hide your bump, not in shame, okay maybe a little but not the reason of choice. No just to not rush to the topic immediately when you greeted him at the door. He seems to look at you from the side where he was seated on the couch, almost seeming to be curious what the answer is. You sigh softly, here goes nothing… “I left because I found out I was pregnant Gaz.” His eye blow wide open nearly sputtering his tea, but instead chokes it down as you pat him on the back. He waves his hand vigorously almost ensuring you he’s fine. When he clears his throat after his heaving stopped,  “You wha’” his eyes immediately follow where your hand placement moves to. You show the curve of your bump. Your black top hid it perfectly, that smoothing it down more only made the bump more pronounced.

Gaz POV

The moment you smoothed down your top, his eyes went wide. You had a protruding belly and how the hell did he not notice it. You barely changed. But that explains a LOT. The place was so tidy and everything seemed harmless. It was because the place was practically baby proofed. The edges of the tables were rounded. The fireplace had a gate pushed away so no toddler could touch the heated grates. Everything was made safe for a baby to be welcomed into the place. Also the soft carpets adorning the living room, dining, and he’s certain other places of the home were made to ensure the baby wouldn’t crawl on hard wooded flooring. Every little detail Gaz began to understand why the place was done such. His mind was now settling with this revelation but now “I see now…well, wow congratulations.” He laughs out softly leaning forward hugging you gently, making sure to avoid your bump and not squeeze you hard. “Thank you Gaz…it’s something. Adjusting to sleeping is harder than I thought. No one warned me about the need to use the lute more though.” You laugh a bit now rubbing your stomach in a soothing habit. He watches you intently, you seemed happy with this so it made him happy for you but “Whose the dad ? If you resigned then…does that mean it was someone from base?” He cocks his brow at you, which you were blushing heavily biting your lip “Oh yeah..that so happens to be…Lieutenant Ghost..”Your eyes avoid his when you mumbled the last words lowly and quickly through gritted teeth. Yet, Gaz was frowning trying to figure out if he heard you right. “Um..I’m sorry did you just say Lt ?” he surely heard you wrong…surely ? But you seemed to play with your hair now shifting a bit in your spot as his eyes shot wide “Lt ?! The Ghost ?!” You blush more “Shout a little louder would you…I don’t think he heard you from the base” you snort as Gaz looks at you directly. “Bloody hell Hera…” he shakes his head “I don’t even want to know when and where but damn…” he huffs looking at you “Does he know ?”  tilting his head leaning forward with his elbows on his knees “Mmm…no…” Wow…he was stunned. He was expecting anyone anyone…but the Lieutenant ? Why didn’t you tell the Lt, about his soon to be kid ? Why did you leave without an explanation or bye ? More questions seem to run through his mind but seeing you rub your belly tenderly, you seemed content “Well…wow…you ever plan to tell him ?” you keep stroking your stomach, he was beginning to catch on that it was to calm you not the baby as you sigh softly before answering “I do…just I don’t know how to go about it you know ? It’s scary...we are talking about Ghost here.” Gaz nods his head slowly. Well he found it more hard to believe you even slept with him since you're heavily pregnant so obviously he must’ve been gentle enough unless…”He didn’t…um...” your eyes widen shaking your head “Oh gods no ! Ghost and I…well we both consented. Just didn’t plan this.” You point at your stomach indicating this wasn’t a part of it as he nods his head. He decided this topic wasn’t going to make it better and decided to change the subject. “Do you knoew if it’s a girl or boy yet ?” you seem to be grateful for the change in subject smiling softly “Yeah…it’s a boy.” Your eyes seem to soften, seems like the idea of a little boy running around melted you. He was happy for you. “Wow…a little Ghost. So if he doesn’t get your looks I’ll know what Ghost looks like.” He smirks at his joke as you playfully punch him in the arm, laughing. “Oh shut up !” the two of you seem to drift into more lighter topics.

Gaz enjoyed hearing about your ultrasound visits, your lifestyle, and excitement to be a mom. You even gave him a picture of the recent ultrasound that was the day it confirmed your son’s gender. Even now the baby was in almost full form, it was amazing to think you would be birthing a little bundle into this earth and you were leaving the harsh lifestyle of the dark world. It was always something you guys would talk about whether you all would ever have a life outside the military or even settle down and start a family. Looking at Price it seemed like they all would be going down that road of never ending fighting. But seeing you, actually living a mundane life. He envied you, yet he wasn’t ready to stop fighting. There was much to get done and with the Intel his team were gathering he sure as hell wasn’t ready to stop fighting.

Eventually it became late, he needed to get back to base, which you understood, you had made him a hearty meal and the two of you simply enjoyed catching up. Of course you didn’t pry into his mission only asking about his improvements and asking about everyone else. Yet even as he stands outside your door you give him one final hug as he smiles “Keep in contact aight ? No going off the radar doll. I want to see my godson too” He laughs softly as you smile at him “Got yourself a deal Kyle. Be safe out there. Keep fighting the good fight.” You nod your head at him as he smiles “Yes ma’am” with that he makes his way to his car, getting in and driving off. Except what you didn’t know was Gaz was going back to the old base where he knew Soap would be returning as well as Price. He had already sent messages to both Soap and Price wondering if they were headed to base which they both replied yes, to which Gaz was going to share the news of you to them. And hopefully find Ghost too.

Pulling up into based, and getting approved after showing his ID, Gaz parks his car in the garage getting out as he makes his way to the lounge room. It’s been a while since he been here but he was happy to be reuniting with the gang. As he glances down at his phone that was buzzing in his pocket he wasn’t aware of anyone until he heard a loud familiar Scottish voice “Aye ! Gaz ! You bloody arse the fuck you been lad ?” He was striding towards him as Gaz snorts. They bump fists then clasping and bringing it into the chest to pat each other’s back. “Good seeing you too mate. Price here ?” With that he hears the all so familiar Liverpool accent echo through the garage “Was wondering when you turn up son.” Gaz smiles as Soap steps back, with Price taking out his hand to shake “Good seeing you too Cap, glad the gangs all here.” He pats his shoulder as the three men make their way to the lounge.

Once they settle Gaz, Soap, and Price had been drinking already, Ghost hadn't shown up yet. The three were already catching up by the time Ghost show up, with that Gaz and Soap were already drunk with Price taking slower sips from his bourbon. Ghost takes in the sight of the gang all together simply silently seating himself into a chair, sitting down with his arms crossed listening to both of them ramble through a drunken state. However, things seem to escalate quickly when Gaz speaks loudly “Oh yeah ! I saw Hera today !” he smiles giddily. With that the room becomes deadly silent. Price seems surprised by this, Soap is utterly shocked, and Ghost well, he was just as both but did better at hiding it. Remaining unmoved as Soap spoke up “What ?! Bonnie alive ?! Why wasn’t invited ! How is the lass ?” he seemed eager to know setting his bottle of beer down to hear. Price simply takes a drag from one of his cigars listening intently “She’s good. She actually the one to reach out to me and invite me over. Her place is cozy.” He smiles proudly, obviously in his drunken state to admit he seen your home.

Ghost POV

This makes Ghost squint his eyes hearing that Gaz was able to know where you live. When he gets the chance he plans to get the address from him soon. He wants to know where you are.  Maybe convince you to return. Yet, Gaz continues, “Oh yeah, and she’s expecting soon! Almost forgot. She sent me home with the ultrasound of my godson.”  Ghost head nearly whips in his direction, as he happened to have been looking elsewhere for a brief moment before hearing this revelation. His eyes nearly widen by this news. The first time he breaks the silence “What.” He sounded angry which made everyone look in his direction but he remained neutral not daring to show his anger. Yet, he couldn’t help but notice a hint of Price’s features shift. Gaz continues as he fumbles into his pocket pulling out the picture handling it to Soap who sat closest to him “Oh shit ! Look at that bugger ! Wow didn’t think she’d settle down. How far along is she anyways ?” You’re pregnant…so…did that mean you resigned to live a more mundane life ? No impossible you wouldn’t have been allowed to knowing about an upcoming mission. Yet, still no one would’ve approved of your resignation without a medical reason so did that mean…Gaz spoke up once again, with Price walking over to glance at the pictures. “Well…not exactly settle down but yeah ! She’s 21 weeks so far ! She’s excited…” that’s when any other words coming out of Gaz’s mouth were dulled out.

That long…that’s how long you nearly left the base…did that mean ? No…impossible.  You said you were on the pill. Fuckin’ ‘ell I need a smoke… with that Ghost abruptly stood up walking out of the lounge Soap and Gaz were too busy looking at the pictures in the moment, yet Price noticed. He took the moment to leave after Ghost knowing exactly where he’d be going as he left the two on the couch. Making his way down the hall Price went up to the roof where he knew Ghost would be, of course smoking a cigarette. He didn’t care Price followed him. He knew it was him, he gotten accustomed to everyone’s footfalls so hearing his didn’t surprise him. Ghost was leaning against the railing silently smoking, taking slow drags from his cigarette as Price did the same with his cigar. He then broke the silence but Ghost didn’t dare to seem bothered. “So…how are you holding up Simon ?” he grumbles at the use of his name stealing a glare in Price’s direction. “I figured.” He says with a heavy sigh puffing out from the drag as Ghost continued to do the same. The men stood silent continuing to drag on their cigars, until Price once again spoke “I know you’re wondering why she resigned…and Ill be honest-” he sighs again rubbing the back of his neck making it crack “I played a hand in the idea…however I wasn’t aware she would do it so soon. I didn’t sign the approval though. I know you been questioning that.” Which was true. Ghost did. It was either himself, Price or…”Laswell…she signed it off. Found out after she left of course. She wanted to make it as discreet as possible.” He huffs a bit with Ghost standing still, only listening but flicking at the end of the cigarette “Did you know ?” he says lowly not daring to look in Price’s direction, a part of him already knew the answer yet he wanted to hear it. “Mmm. She made me swear I not tell until she was ready to share.” Of course…why would you share with him ? He disrespected you and made you feel pain. God, you were pregnant then too, you probably was emotional. Fuck…now things were adding up. How tired you were, sickness, fainting, everything…yet Price once more snapped him out of his mind as he slipped him a paper holding it out to him to take. Which he did looking at it, which made him freeze…it was your address and phone number. “Call her…you two obviously have lot to catch up on. And quite honestly I know about your little scolding to her.” This made Ghost flinch…all this time he knew… “I don’t think she’s mad at you Simon…but you two need to patch it up so you can get your head in the game for the upcoming mission.”

With those words…Price puts out his cigar, that seemed to have had enough and walks away. Ghost looks at the slip of paper for the longest time. Should he call you ? Should he go to your house ? No…you’d probably freak out if he stood at your door. Would your boyfriend answer instead of you ? Fuck..he hated that idea. Did you know who the baby’s father is ? He stomped his cigarette out putting the piece of paper into his jacket pocket before making his way to his bunker. He has a lot to consider…he just didn’t know how to go about it. Surely worse that would happen is you tell him off.

A Week Later

He finally gave in…his car parked down the street from your place. All this time you lived not entirely far from base. This whole time you left him in a turmoil of his mind wondering if you left because of him and quit because you thought you would never be good enough. Ghost came to you place every day since he found out. But every time he just sat in his car looking at your home that barely showed any life forms. He wondered if you were even there. Or maybe he got the wrong place. Well guess you wouldn’t do much moving being pregnant…and fuck the idea you’re pregnant. Gaz mentioned your mother and Uncle were taking care of you which set him mind a little relief especially cause he did a bit of digging himself finding out your uncle was in the air force. A commander no less. No father image though. Did he die perhaps ? Yet movement caught his attention, and his eyes widen.

It was you. You were in a beige fleece button top, long denim tights and slippers. Your hair was longer, more smoother in a tight ponytail. He probably wouldn’t have recognized you honestly, he’s so used to seeing you in military attire and always having your hair in a tight bun. So seeing you, relaxed was different. You make you way down the steps and that’s when he can see it…from the angle it’s not hard to miss. Your protruding belly, it’s not full but it’s definitely sign of growth. The baby from the ultrasound. When Gaz and Soap were passed out on the couch, he took the liberty to steal a glance at the photos, usually he wouldn’t care but since it was you, it was a part of you he couldn’t resist. Seeing your name and last name with the date and details of the fetus made the whole thing more reality.

You were walking down the steps grabbing the mail, as you were scanning each one carefully. He had already got himself out of the car, standing across the street behind a tree well hidden, he couldn’t resist. Was it wrong? Yes. Shamefully so,yet he honed his skills in stealth and hiding from enemies he had to do it in order to just see you. Yet, it was cut short as a man was jogging into your direction. He was a in a long tight sleeve top, with short pants, and running sneakers, From Ghost’s observation he was fit, not nearly as tall as him of course. Staning roughly at 5’11”. He had dark brownish hair with hints of red tint. He stops short in front of you and he could hear him call your name. You look in the man’s direction. Then…slowly appearing onto your face…you fucking smiled.

The fuck…who is that ? And to make it worse…when the man leaned in to hug, you hugged him back. There seemed to be a hint of awkwardness during the embrace which he couldn’t tell if due to your stomach or uncomfortableness with the man. Who the hell is that man ? Ghost was now clenching his fists, glaring daggers into the unknown man’s way. Just seeing the two fo you socializing made him furious. However that’s when things got worse. The man reached to gently touch you on the arm. Now Ghost had a keen eye and was exceptionally good at reading body language. You immediately were showing subtle signs of being uncomfortable, while you two were engaged in a conversation. Yet even when you shrugged your arm to rid the man’s hand from contact he wouldn’t bug off. Now Ghost was even more on edge, in most cases he would’ve trusted you to handle the situation, however, you’re now pregnant. Which definitely limits your once athletic quick abilities to fend for yourself. Even now he can see you start to pull away, you body moving back towards your home. For anyone, that’s a clear sign you’re uncomfortable and want to be left alone, but the man didn’t relent. This was now pissing Ghost off more.

You POV

When your neighbor Michael came running towards you, you immediately groaned inwardly. Apparently he was the kind of man who thinks all women would fall for him. Perhaps when you were naïve and not knocked up he might’ve seemed somewhat attractive, but boy was his ego annoying. You tried to remain pleasant through the interaction but now you were uncomfortable. He was too pushy. From hugging you, which you didn’t like, he reeked of sweat and made you want to throw up. You hated the close proximity, yet even when trying to withdraw yourself he didn’t care. He was too pushy. Asking to take you out and asking why someone like yourself was pregnant alone. It was creepy, he tried touching you more than once and even going as far to proclaim he’d never leave you if he knew he was the father. Maybe to some women they would’ve felt swooned over, but not to you. It was disgusting. You knew him, he had women coming in and out of his place constantly. The man dated women like the next best phone. He was definitely a red flag “Oh I can’t…sorry…sickness you know. Good chatting-” but oh now the minute you tried to walk back to your door he’s grabbing your arm standing in front of you, as if blocking your way to heading back into your home.

“Woah, you’re making it seem like I’m a bad guy ?! What’s the rush…I’m just offering you a good time.” He seemed more agitated and you were getting nervous with annoyed. “I told you…I’m not interested I-” he huffs “What is it going to take you to accept ?” He was a man who can’t handle rejection. The idea that you were rejecting him obviously made him more furious and was damaging his ego. You spoke through gritted teeth, yet tried to remain composed, “Nothing…now please let go of my arm. Now” Your eyes were blazing, you were pissed and uncomfortable. You were warning the man now. Yet what you didn’t expect was him to snap back “God you’re such a bitch. I’m just trying to be a decent man show you a good time…I get being pregnant makes you moody but damn y/n I just just wanted to show you a good time.” He glares at you, “You’re acting like I’m attacking you ! You’re overreacting !” now you were worried…but before you could say anything you saw Michael’s eyes shift to behind you, eyes widen, it was quick. His grip was roughly removed and you felt a warm looming figure behind you. But most of all, you heard a familiar deep angry British voice say roughly “Hands off” it spoke with authority, one you heard countless times through comms or when training. That’s when your eyes trailed up to look behind where you saw…

Ghost

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[babydin]

Love in the Middle of a Firefight - PART TWO

The pregnancy is easy, despite the circumstances. The pregnancy was the easy part, Joel was supportive, he helped out, he ran around like a Retriever whenever you asked him to and Ellie asked a million questions every single day. But when the baby arrives Joel doesn't know if he remembers how to love something so fragile. - Joel Miller x f!reader - 18+, minors DNI! - (2/?) - Joel is dad, Joel is Daddy, paternal postnatal depression, pregnancy sex, oral. Not necessarily in this chapter, but for sure in this series!! Trauma references. Domesticated af. Angsty in places! - 1193 words - Comments/likes appreciated. Requests are open! - A/N: I didn't think too hard about the timeline, just vaguely after the events of S1, they go to Jackson to Tommy's place and live there and nothing bad happens. This will be in multiple parts but I haven't planned for how many! There will be time-jumps in each of the parts because I'm impatient™️

Ellie looked blankly between the two of you. She had that look like she was waiting for the punchline of one of Joel’s shitty dad jokes. 

PART ONE

“We’re home!”

    Joel and Ellie walked home from school every day. He always took her to school, and he always picked her up. Walking was just their thing. You had been anxiously waiting for Joel to announce their arrival because he had promised he wouldn’t say anything to her until you were all together, you wondered if he had kept up that bargain. “How was school?” You ask, watching Ellie hang up her jacket and then walk into the living room to flop onto the couch. “Some kid pushed another kid into a garbage can and a fight broke out.” Ellie explained, her lips pursing slightly and her brows raising. Joel frowned a little and you asked “Were you either of the kids in that story?” “I was not.”

You took Joel’s hand and sat down with him on the coffee table in front of the couch. “Babygirl,” he said, “we have somethin’ we need to tell you. Somethin’ important.” Ellie’s eyes darted between the two of you as she tried to figure out what was going on before either of you said anything, “I’m not leaving. Fuck off, Joel. I’m not going anywhere. I like it here, I have friends!”  Ellie had fallen into the habit of calling him Dad, unless she was furious with him then he was always Joel. 

Joel reached out with both his hands and took hers, looking at her in a way that almost forced her to keep eye contact with him, “We ain’t goin’ nowhere. We’re safe here, okay? We don’t leave.” He sits up a little and you look between the two of them, they are thick as thieves, they talk without words and there is so much that remains unspoken between them but they know. “Are you getting divorced?” Ellie asked, her chin dropping down into her chest and her eyes looking from you to Joel and back again rapidly. You open your mouth to correct her but decide against it. You and Joel weren’t married, not by any technicalities anyway; you talked about it once, it was always in passing, until one day you set a date with a priest and a chapel but the priest died and there wasn’t anyone else ordained to perform a wedding. That night Joel cooked chicken wings on a barbecue in the yard, you drank beer and sat and cuddled under the stars. You shared your vows, you exchanged rings that you had both made from scraps of metal from the junkyard. Joel had helped you with yours, he was so clever with tools, the ring he gave you was perfect and looked as if it could’ve come from a store; he scratched coordinates inside the band from the spot you had shared your first kiss - they could’ve been coordinates to a burnt out Wendy’s and you’d have been none the wiser, the thought was painfully romantic and you cried when he told you. Yours was a little jankier, but he didn’t mind that, he said it suited him. From that night on he always called you ‘the Missus’. You supposed in a broken world that was about as official as it was going to get. “How would you feel about bein’ a big sister?” Joel’s voice had softened slightly as he presented the question to Ellie. He didn’t know how she would react, she’d grown up in this pandemic, she navigated the world so much differently because of the situations she had been forced into and now they were safe in Jackson, Joel only wanted her to be a kid, catch up on the years she had missed. Ellie looked blankly between the two of you. She had that look like she was waiting for the punchline of one of Joel’s shitty dad jokes. “I’m pregnant.” the words leave your mouth so abruptly that it even catches you off guard, and it’s the first time you’ve said it out loud.  Suddenly it all feels real. The man you were playing house with by your side, the orphan you’d both somehow adopted as your own, in the middle of a war, your found family was about to grow by one more. Ellie giggled in her child-like way and fell back into the couch in a way that made Joel sit up defensively. “It’s difficult for me to believe that someone willingly reproduced with you.” Ellie teased. It’s clear that she thinks her leg is being pulled. “It was an accident, but you don’t need to be a dick about it.” You swatted Joel’s thigh, “Joel!” He turned to face you with an expression that was full of apologies “Obviously I didn’t mean it like that.” Ellie sat up again and leaned forward, her eyes narrowing a little as she looked at you with a calculated gaze, “Are you serious? Are you pregnant? For real?” Your eyes find hers, and your hands reach out to wrap around her own as you nod earnestly, hoping the message gets through. Joel reaches into the breast pocket of his shirt to show her the print out from the ultrasound, he points to the blip inside the hollows of your uterus and makes a sound that might’ve been him saying ‘there’ if he had opened his lips a little more. Ellie’s expression changes. You remember again that she’s experiencing a lot of things for the first time and this is the first ultrasound she’s seen, this is the first pregnancy she’s been this close to. “That’s a baby?” she asked, sounding utterly enchanted by it, unable to take her eyes off of it. “It’s so little.” “The nurse reckoned I’m about 7 weeks along,” you explain, “so in another 30 or so weeks it’ll be fully cooked.” “That’s a long time.” Ellie looked back at you, she sounded disappointed at the idea of having to wait so long to earn her role of big sister. “Trust me,” Joel added, “it’ll fly by.” Ellie’s eyes drifted back to the ultrasound, and Joel pushed it a little closer to her. She pulled her hands from yours and took the photo, bringing it up to her face for a closer inspection, “That’s so fuckin’ cool.” You and Joel both breathe out a sigh of relief in unison. That was all you had both wanted, Ellie’s approval. You were a family, and a team, you had to do everything together or it just didn’t work; you’d fought too hard to get to where you were. Joel put his hand on your thigh and his earlier promises that everything was going to be okay echoed in your mind. But then Ellie reminded you both of just how much of her education she had missed being in her situation and then traveling with Joel when she looked up from the photo and asked, “So when it is fully cooked, will the doctor have to cut it out of you?” Joel pulled a face and took a sharp inward breath as he patted your knee and pushed himself up off the coffee table, kissing your cheek on the way “That is all you, I am going to start dinner.”

[tiyoin]

Audhd, anxious, depressed reader having the zoomies and body blaming Floyd with a bear hug will laughing like a gremlin. Only for it to wear off and blue screen from embarrassment and full on sprint away. I... I have done that before. Still cringe remembering it XD but also laugh :X. I'm 5 nothing and the image is funny

we’ve all done smthn embarrassing when we had the ‘zoomies’ 😔 IVE LITERALLY HAD THEM WEAR OFF MID WHATEVER I WAS DOING AND WALK OF SHAMED MYSELF TO A CORNER LMAOOOO

BABES ME TOO- IM LITERALLY FIGHTING WITH MY FRIENDS THAT THE DOCTOR SAYS IM TECHNICALLY 5’1

i’ve always imagined reader going up to floyd when they’ve had a bad day and just- tell him to squeeze them.

if jade’s there they’ll both share a look before he asks you to repeat yourself. and when you tell him to ‘squeeze you’, a dead serious look on his face, his reaction will depend on his mood.

he’ll either happily squeeze you, or call you weird and get creeped out 😭

BUT my sister used to always ask my mom for ‘squeezes’ to get excess energy out of/ bad energy and she may have be onto smthn.

cause whether it’s you or someone else doing the squeezing IT. WORKS. if you got too much pent up energy squeezing i’d the way to go 😼

i used to squeeze my dog (he was a fat boy, and when i got too hard i would always turn it into an air squeeze because he’s my baby girl and i’d never hurt a hair on his head 🫶)

BUT IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO GET SQUEEZED BY FLOYD FOXPAOSKC- or in general actually. but imagine a full body squeeze?? bro my spine WILL be popping back into place, you’d get a muscle pulling and pent up energy is gone??

yeah you mayyy have to go to the nurse for broken ribs some nasty arm bruising. but you’re also handed a

‘i survived getting squeezed by floyd leech’ shirt, which not a lot of people have 🤘😼

ORRR

if you’re closer to floyd / y’all are really really good friends or you’re dating i feel like he’d welcome them 😌 BUT he’d also have a ‘who. the. fuck. ‘ reaction at first cause what small fry is brave enough to ambush him???

oh- it’s just you🤭 and when you high tail it out of there out of embarrassment he’ll either chase after you OR jog in it in memory file for a nasty future teasing 😈😈

[oumaheroes]

Congrats on 1000 followers!! If you're still taking requests, I'd go absolutely feral for some of your scotfra! I love how you write modern nationverse with where characters reminisce or philosophise about the past <33

Phi I... I strayed. Okay, I strayed way off topic because this came to me so clearly that I couldn't not write it. I hope that you like it, even though there is no nationverse philosophying ;u;

Characters: Scotland, France (ScotFra)

-------------------------------------------

Starscape

Their home hits him with unexpected force as soon as he opens the door, the brass handle cool against bare palm. The smell of their lives together, clean linen and cedar aftershave. Walls cluttered with photos, Alisdair’s large leather armchair in the corner, Francis’ collection of Vogues tucked neatly besides Alisdair’s nature books into a handmade bookcase- collected fragments of two lives turned into one. A busy, friendly, assault of the senses.

Francis is in the kitchen, warm yellow lights and background radio above the metallic clatter of their cutlery drawer.

Alisdair sloughs his coat off, drapes it over the sofa, and walks in to join him.

‘Hello there.’

Alisdair can hear Francis’ smile through the words as he hugs him tightly from behind where he is at the counter, chin to shoulder. His arms go around him to their places automatically, right hand to Francis’ left hip.

Francis tilts his head back and up to try and meet his eye, ‘Good day?’

‘It’ll do.’

Francis snorts and cups his cheek lazily with one hand, reaching to place an empty pan on the stove, ‘Better than nothing.’

‘How was yours?’ Alisdair is loath to let him go but Francis wiggles free, gently nudging him back and away to let him get on with things. Alisdair retreats to the table in the middle of the room and watches.

‘Oh, you know. Same old same old.’

‘Tell me.’

Francis gifts him with a raised eyebrow. He fills up a pot with water and sets it salted to boil. ‘Well,’ he says, ‘Do you remember that new woman from a few weeks ago?’

Alisdair casts far back in time to find the name Francis might be referring to and finds too many to filter. ‘I remember you telling me about her.’

Francis raises an eyebrow, ‘Tina.’

‘Ah. Tina.’ He had forgotten Tina.

‘I cannot understand what is driving her to-‘ Francis sighs and clicks his tongue, ‘I don’t want to judge, but-‘

Alisdair smiles, ‘Yes, you do.’

Francis waves a hand. ‘Yes, fine. I do. But still, I am aware it’s not my place to say older people can’t randomly move jobs out of nowhere, and obviously they can learn how to do something new, but it’s...’

He stops, ties his hair up, and Alisdair's smiles widens. ‘Some people are slow, and I understand. It’s irritating to train them but I understand. Everyone has their own pace, and all that. Christ, I sound like Arthur when he’s being his most pretentious.’

Alisdair wants to call his brother then and has to swallow the feeling away, eyes fixed on Francis to keep him focused.

Butter to pan, salt to onions. The smell in the air is sweet. Condensation softens the windows, fogs the dark shadows of their garden beyond the glass. Francis moves whilst he talks, stepping lightly from one task to another.

‘But she’s not just slow to train. She’s someone who keeps questioning things, rather than just learning them. “Why do it this way, that way is much better.” Or, “In my last position, we did X Y Z blah blah blah”. Horrible. Aggravating.’ Francis tips mushrooms into the pan and shakes his head, ‘Anyway. Today I found out that she didn’t just move to join the analyst team because she wanted some sort of end of career change or have a last-minute depressing existential crisis. She was asked to move down. Because she was terrible at her job.’

Francis grins at him, his smile sharp teethed and wicked, ‘No wonder she’s so picky with everything. I got the feeling that she thought that we and what we do were beneath her but now-‘

Alisdair cuts him off before he can finish. Away from the table before Francis can stop him, he presses his mouth to Francis’, then to his cheek. Cups the back of his head in his hand, kisses his neck and feels the beat of Francis’ heart jump his pulse strong against his lips.

‘Stop it.’ Francis swats at him but the gesture is half-hearted at best, ‘You’re going to make me burn dinner.’

Alisdair kisses him again, Francis’ long hair soft and undone in his hands. ‘I don’t care.’

‘I care.’

Francis never burns dinner. No matter how busy the day or how many tasks he’s doing at once, dinner is never something to be sacrificed as part of a greater good. No matter how hard Alisdair could have tried to force it, in their life burning dinner was not a thing that would ever have happened. Today is no different. Francis extracts himself just in time to save things and Alisdair lets him go, knowing he needs to in order for things to work as they should.

The taste, once Francis is done, is perfect- one of his best meals, in Alisdair’s opinion, a warm mushroom soup. Thick bread- not homemade, Francis laments, but good enough- lightly toasted and thickly buttered. Alisdair savours every bite, takes small spoonfuls to draw out the experience for as long as it can go.

After they’ve eaten, the cooking a perfect mixture of memory and longing, they retreat to the living room sofa to fall deadweight against the cushions.

‘That was too much food.’ Francis says where he sits against Alisdair’s chest, their legs together under blankets before them on the L-shaped bend. ‘We keep on eating portion sizes that are way more than we need.’

Alisdair disagrees entirely. He is slimmer now, of course, much slimmer, but Francis doesn’t seem to notice. He pats the meat of Francis’ thigh and then grips it tight, ‘We’re doing just fine.’

Francis rolls his eyes and tuts but Alisdair sees the smile in his eyes, ‘No, not that. I mean that it’s expensive.’

‘It’s doable.’

‘Not with the sheer amount of lamb that you’re eating.’

‘It’s my favourite.’

‘It’s the costliest of all of them.’ Francis smiles and reaches up an arm to play with the short hair at the nape of Alisdair’s neck, ‘This needs a cut.’

‘You said you wouldn’t cut my hair anymore.’ Alisdair reminds him. Francis’ hand is warm, so warm, and Alisdair closes his eyes. ‘You said I complain too much.’

‘You do.’

‘Only because you threatened to shave me.’

Francis laughs lightly, ‘It would suit you.’

‘Well. That's why I complained.’

Beep.

Alisdair opens his eyes.

‘Shall we watch something?’ Francis sits up for the remote on the coffee table.

‘Only if it’s not a period drama.’

Francis sighs, weary, ‘Emma is not just a period drama. I’m told it’s a brilliant film.’

Alisdair wrinkles his nose and then grins at the look Francis gives him, ‘I’m sure it is. But are you going to be able to sit there quietly and not bitch about the costume design?’

Francis blinks at him. ‘Yes,’ he says after a while, ‘Obviously.’

‘Fucking liar.’

‘I will! I won’t say anything.’

‘I’ll bet you a fucking tenner you won’t be able to stop yourself saying something.’

Francis glances at the TV, then back to him. ‘Fine,’ he says after a moment, ‘If it’s shit research, I won’t be able to help myself. But that doesn’t detract from it potentially being a very good film.’

‘Besides shit costuming.’

‘… So I’m told.’

‘But see, there you go.’ Alisdair leans forwards, ‘You’ll have a great time nonetheless but I won’t be able to focus on anything because-‘

Beep.

Alisdair wavers, ‘…because I’ll have you going off making comments all the time and I’ll forget what’s happening and-‘

Francis looks scandalised, ‘You don’t know the story anyway?’

‘Why the fuck would I know the story?’

‘Oh for the love of-‘ Beep. ‘We have to watch it. That’s it, I can’t have this.’ Francis clicks on the TV and scrolls to Netflix, ‘What on earth was your mother thinking. You’d think with the amount Arthur goes on-‘

‘Arthur was the weird one. I-‘

Beep.

Alisdair feels a tightness in his chest. He tries not to think of the cause.

Francis turns to him. ‘What?’

Alisdair’s tongue feels heavy, throat tight. ‘What.’

‘You were saying?’ Francis prompts. ‘Something about you and Arthur.’

His hair is tucked behind on ear but strands have fallen free. Alisdair wants to reach forward and brush them back but he can’t move. He feels hollow, belly empty.

He takes a deep, long breath in. His lungs fill, then release. Under his fingers, he feels the whorls of the sofa upholstery on the arm rest. Feels the warmth of Francis near his outstretched leg, face buttery yellow in the lamplight by the wall. It is all so real.

‘Right.’ He runs a hand over his face, ‘Arthur was the one who read all the books. I was a normal child and young man, and went outside. Made friends.’

‘I read those same books.’ Francis presses a hand to his chest, ‘And I feel I came out quite normal from the experience.’

‘I wouldn’t quite say that.’

Francis nods, sagely, and tilts his head to one side. ‘You’re not entirely wrong. I’m with you, after all.’

Alisdair nudges him with his foot, in the softness of his stomach, and Francis laughs.

Beep. Oxygen levels critically low. Warning.

Alisdair should have turned the alarms off.

Francis settles back against him and Alisdair leans back against the sofa, tucking them back in as he goes and wraps his arms around Francis, hold him tight. Here, like this, it would be so easy to forget. To think that this was happening, and was still something he could have and return to. Francis is so solid, so real.

Beep.

But Alisdair cannot forget. Thousands of miles above earth, his body free from gravity, he watched as without warning mushroom clouds peppered through the skies below him. Rushes of clouds shot across oceans to collide with another wave, and then another, until the planet fell still.

The silence was loud. Space pressed in against the glass, a thick, dark nothingness that stretched on and outwards around him. Endless stars dull when there is no one waiting to share them with, Alisdair has found.

He still has no idea what happened. Whether it was planned, who started it, who could be left. He waited weeks for something, endless days on a knife’s edge by the comms system, unable to leave in case something came through or his planned replacement arrive to relieve him. Sleep in broken chunks, too tired to stay away any longer.

He doesn’t know now how long it has been. He stopped checking the days. There was nothing that could be done for him, anyhow. What good is it to know details of his final days, when the grand fact was that no one was coming. He lived because he was too scared to die, and that was that.

And now, here it is.

Warning.

Alisdair had remembered to override the auto-safety control that diverted power to essential systems, at least. That was the important part.

Warning.

It could warn him all it wanted; he wasn’t going to change anything.

Oxygen levels critically low.

A few more days with the bare essentials to sustain life, or this. One last go at the hollo-systems, one last story to play.

Warning. Oxygen levels critically low.

Alisdair had been holding back on playing this one. Eking out the power left on his ship for as long as he could, everything non-essential closed off to- why? To live? To remember?

Just in case, maybe. Just in case.

In his arms, the programmed memory of Francis shifts under the blankets and sighs through his nose. The film has started, Alisdair hadn’t noticed. The colours and sounds all curl and bleed together, flashes of something distinct stand out before falling away like a motion blur. Francis breathes in Alisdair’s arms, his face calm and easy, and Alisdair watches.

Beep.

This is how he wants to go.

Beep.

To go home to a life that only he can remember. Kept safe here in memories and code, a final goodbye.

‘I love you,’ he says. His voice cracks, ‘So, so much.’

Francis turns his head. He reads something in Alisdair’s face; Alisdair sees the flicker in his expression as he notes that something is wrong. But memory and code can only go so far, the real Francis would never have seen him like this before. Alisdair doesn’t know how he would have reacted. Whatever his husband’s virtual echo sees in Alisdair’s drawn, wasted face, it is not something that he was designed to see.

So, he smiles. Sees him as whole. ‘I love you too.’

The living room darkens, shadows fill the edges. Alisdair closes his eyes and buries his face in Francis’ shoulder. ‘I’ll be home soon.’

Francis turns slightly and wraps and arm around and under Alisdair’s back, ‘I’ll be waiting.’

[jennay]

Honey Bee

Parts: One/two/three

Master List

Tags: @blackveilomens @xxrainstorm @somewhere-diamond @cookiesupplier @blacksoul-27

Waking up had been a struggle for the past week, and when you did manage to wake up, you'd stare at the ceiling and feel like screaming. You didn't want to alarm your neighbors, so you'd grab your spare pillow and yell into it. Your brain was tormenting you, and there was nothing you could do to silence it. The only way out was to get up and do something, even if it was just moving from your bed to your couch. You didn't care if you became zombie-like as long as you could escape from your emotions.

You knew it was going to hurt for a while, and you knew it would be hard to bounce back from the miscommunication with Jolly, but deep down, you knew this depression was stemming from something else, and Jolly's actions happened to trigger it.

You wondered why this exact scenario happened to you so often; you were just the friend, and no one would see you more than that, and if they did, it ended in the same way. They would get close enough to make you feel something, but ultimately, they would leave you, telling you you were too complex and it was challenging to love someone like you.

You didn't match their expectations, and they abandoned you. This wasn't new for you, but you were convinced it was different this time. You thought if Noah noticed it, it must've been real because Noah never said things like that.

You let out a heavy breath as you kick the blankets off your body and lazily sit up. You felt lightheaded and gave yourself a few seconds to adjust to uprightness. Your bones popped, muscles loosened as you stretched your arms out, a yawn released, and suddenly, you feel a little more alive.

It was time to face the sun, even if it was only on your balcony. You needed some fresh air, some light, some hope.

You slid your feet into your slippers and wrapped your robe around your body. You walk down the hall, hearing some crunching under your feet, and remember you haven't picked up the glass from the picture you knocked off the wall. You roll your eyes, remembering the moment. Looking back, it felt dramatic, but at the time, you needed it. You'll get to it, maybe not now, but you will.

As you stepped into the kitchen, you sighed at the sight of the dirty dishes and crumbs on the counter, but you decided to ignore it; your only goal was to start the coffee pot, and when you did, a wave of relief washed over you.

Coffee could solve a lot of your problems right now. Or at least make them easier to handle. You grabbed your cup and slid open the glass door when it was ready.

You sit on the camping chair and place your coffee on the small table, letting it cool down before you take a sip.

The rays of the sun hit your face, warming you up instantly. You felt your shoulders relax as you closed your eyes and breathed the fresh air.

A tranquility flowed over your body and mind; something murmured that this was the beginning of your healing journey, and you'd be fine.

Slowly, you blink your eyes open and let them adjust to the brightness. You know it's late evening where Jolly is, but you wonder if maybe he's sitting on his porch doing the same thing; instead of coffee, he'd have some lousy beer or a glass of mediocre wine in his hand. You wondered if he was thinking of you as often as you thought about him.

"Holy shit, she lives!" You hear Noah's voice from below you; you glance through the barred rail to see him waving his arm over his head, trying to get your attention. You shake your head, feeling annoyed. You stand up, setting your coffee on the table with a loud clink. Leaning over the rail, you look down at Noah, who is smiling expectantly. "Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?" You roughly speak, but when you see his expression slowly fade to disappointment, you smirk at him and say. "I love you, Noah, but I took your keys for a reason. It's called space." You say, spreading your hands like an imaginary rainbow is shooting out of them.

You see him shrug his shoulders, and his hand is sheepishly on the back of his neck. "Yeah, well, your phones off, and I have your fucking cat still, Y/n. He peed on my sweater." He groans, throwing his head back and dropping his hands to his sides.

You stifle your laughter, "You probably deserved it!"

He rolls his eyes, his mouth dropping open like you've said the most offensive thing to him. "I think he just wants his mom because I took good fucking care of him! He was the king of my room for like a whole week!"

You yawn once more, rubbing the tired out of your eyes; you say, "I'll come get him tonight!"

Noah groans again. "I don't trust you. You gave me trust issues." He says, "Can I come up? I don't want to keep yelling."

You glance at him, weighing your options. You don't want him to see your messy apartment or yourself. "I promise I'll come over tonight. Go home." You say, waving your hand dismissively.

Noah scans the building with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You shake your head, knowing what he's planning, "Don't you dare try to climb the building, Noah."

"I'm not." He says as he walks closer to the wall. He sees a trash can by the edge and kicks it lightly, checking its stability. He looks up at the balcony and grins, thinking he can use it as a boost. "We're going to talk one way or another."

You see his tattooed fingers reach up to the cement of your balcony. "No, we're not! Boundaries, Noah!" You quickly turn around and grab your coffee, retreating inside and locking the door behind you. It wasn't the first time he'd done this, and it wouldn't be the last. Why did he have to be so stubborn?

You find your Bluetooth speaker and turn it on quickly, blaring music loudly. You want to drown out Noah's voice and any other thoughts in your head. You fill the sink with hot, soapy water and begin putting dishes in it. You scrub them vigorously, trying to ignore the clinking noise on the porch. You see Noah tapping on the glass door to get your attention. He looks frustrated and amused at the same time. You pretend you don't see him and continue washing the dishes.

One day, he would learn. "Go away, Noah." You say as you pass by to grab the plates from your table. He leans his forehead against the glass, staring at you with hopeful eyes as you walk past him again. You hear muffled words and stop at the glass door; he looks miserable. His dark brown eyes are large and bright, appealing for your mercy. His short dark hair is unkempt and disheveled as if he ruffled it in annoyance. He pulls at the neck of his hoodie, "It's getting hot out here."

You point to your ear, looking directly at him. "Sorry. I can't hear you." You laugh as you walk back to the kitchen and finish up the dishes; you wipe down the counters and sweep the floor. You thought Noah would've gotten bored by now, but when you look back at him, his mouth opened on the glass, blowing air into his cheeks. You shake your head and smile. "You know, you're wasting your breath. Literally. And also, you look like a pufferfish." You cross your arms over your chest, leaning your weight on your right leg, "You always get your way 'cause you're so fucking stubborn, but not today... you're gonna learn boundaries."

You walk out of the living room and head to the hallway. You see the broken pieces of glass on the floor. They glitter under the light. You grab a broom and a dustpan from the closet. You bend down and start sweeping the glass into the dustpan. You're careful not to touch any sharp edges. You don't want to cut yourself.

But then it happens. You feel a sudden sting in your hand. You gasp and pull your hand back. You look at it and see a deep cut on your palm. Blood is dripping from it. You curse and drop the broom and the dustpan. You stand up and run to the kitchen. You need to wash your wound and bandage it.

You reach the kitchen and turn on the faucet. You put your hand under the cold water. It hurts like hell. You bite your lip and try not to scream. You look for a towel and a first aid kit. You find them in a drawer. You take them out and put them on the counter.

You look up and see Noah's face in the window. You almost forgot he was there. He sees the blood on your hand, and his eyes widen in horror. He looks at you with a mix of concern and anger. He says something, "Okay, y/n. Unlock the door!" He says it sharply.

You nod and turn the lock, letting him open the sliding glass door. He grabs your wrist and examines your hand, "Did you get the glass out?" He asks.

Noah grabs a chair from the kitchen table, drags it over to you, and points for you to sit down. He pulls the tweezers out of the first aid kick and grabs the towel. He crouches in front of you.

"Ouch," You say as he begins digging in your hand.

"Sorry," He looks up at you with sympathetic eyes, "I think it was just that shard." He wraps your hand with the towel and holds your hand in between his, putting pressure on the wound.

"Do you have gauze or anything?" He asks.

"In the kit?" You smile, trying to soothe him, "But I think this will be okay until the bleeding stops. It wasn't that deep hands just bleed a lot." You remind him.

He shakes his head and sits before you, resting his elbows on his knees. His lips are pressed together in a thin line, holding back the questions he wants to ask.

What happened with Jolly? Why did you come home early? Why do you look so broken?

You two had known each other for more than half your lives; you could read each other like open books. You could see the genuine concern in his eyes, the worry that creased his forehead, and the concern in his softened voice.

You break eye contact, sighing as you stare down at the ground. "I misread the signs, and when I went to act on them, things got weird, and I don't want to talk about it." You say in a low voice, hoping he would drop it.

Noah nods but doesn't say anything. He can see the ache in your eyes, the pain you're hiding behind your words. He knows there's more to the story, but he doesn't push you. He patiently waits for you to continue, giving you the space you need.

He feels a sadness in his chest as he watches your eyes brim with tears. You quickly attempt to wipe them away, but they won't stop. They spill over your cheeks, leaving wet trails behind. You sob, thinking of all the other things that have gone wrong in your life, all the rejections, disappointments, and loneliness.

"I just feel like I'm unlovable. Like no one will ever love me in the way I need…" You say, your voice trembling. You bite your lip, feeling your heart race. You feel a rush of panic, wondering if you'll ever find someone who understands, accepts, and cares for you. "Am I just difficult to deal with?" You cry, your tears falling faster. "Am I just not worth it?" You ask, your voice cracking. You feel a lump in your throat choking you. "What's wrong with me?" You whisper, feeling hopeless and alone.

Noah slowly readjusts to a crouching position. His hand softly rests under your chin, guiding your eyes to look at him. He looks at you with compassion and sincerity, his eyes shining with love. "You're not unlovable, and you're worth the world." He says, his voice gentle and soothing. He sighs, resting his hands on your legs. He rubs your knees, trying to comfort you. "There's gotta be an explanation for what happened at Jolly's. I know the guy, and it just sounds fucking stupid, and I know he's not that stupid." He says, trying to make sense of the situation. He pauses, searching for the right words. "But even if he is that stupid, that doesn't mean anything about you. You're amazing, and you deserve anything and everything you want. And I'm here for you, always." He says, pulling you into a hug. He holds you tight, letting you cry on his shoulder. He strokes your hair, whispering words of encouragement and support. He doesn't let go until you calm down or feel better. He smiles at you, wiping away your tears. "You're my best friend, and I love you. Nothing will ever change that; you're stuck with me forever." He says, looking into your eyes. He hopes you believe him; he hopes someday you see yourself the way he sees you.

Part 5

[eemcintyre]

Repaying the Favor (Tom Cruise)

TW: discussion of blood/periods, one mention of throwing up.

Summary: Tom comes home one afternoon to find you in a great deal of pain because ~it's that time of the month amirite ladies~, and he does what he can to try and make things better, despite you insisting that you can handle it.

I myself have been on my period, so I have been nothing but angry, depressed, and h-word (more than usual I mean 🙃🔥) and this is what happened. So it was productive, at least, I guess?

After a hectic morning of back-to-back appointments, Tom was returning to the apartment he and Y/N shared. He was hoping to not only grab a brief lunch, but also some quality time with Y/N before heading back out for the second half of his work for the day.

Unlocking the door and crossing the threshold into the main living room/kitchen area, he was surprised at how quiet the apartment was. Scanning his surroundings for Y/N, she was not to be found, so he proceeded to check the bedroom, calling out “Sweetheart, it’s me, I’m home.” He was met at first with silence, which concerned him, but before he could panic about her being mysteriously gone, he heard a muffled groan. However, upon reaching the bedroom, he still couldn’t see her anywhere.

“Y/N? Are you alright? Where are you? What’s going on?” He darted across the room until he spotted her lying on the floor by the side of the bed. She was lying on her stomach, twisted in a position that looked odd and uncomfortable with one leg bent toward her midsection and the other straight out. Tom breathed a sigh of relief, ruffling a hand through his hair.

“Don’t do that to me, honey- I thought you’d been taken,” he laughed nervously at the movie reference, noticing that she was also clutching her stomach and had several heating pads draped across her body.

“I-I’m sorry, I- ow, ow, ow…” Y/N struggled to explain herself as several intense pains stabbed in her midsection. “It’s, I just…”

“When did it start?” Tom asked, quickly realizing what the problem was. He crouched down to where she was splayed out, gently placing a hand on her back. Y/N furrowed her brows, this time in confusion instead of discomfort.

“How did you…?”

“I grew up with three sisters, remember?” he chuckled. She covered her face with her hands in embarrassment over the whole situation, but he pulled them away with his hand that wasn’t comfortingly stroking her back. “Hey, don’t worry, I'm not one of those guys who thinks periods are gross. It's just blood. I really don't care. If you stick me with something sharp, blood's gonna come out." He paused, recalling an incident from a while back. “Like that time I knifed my hand really bad trying to make stir fry.” Y/N managed a quiet giggle. “I practically bled all over you, but you just rolled with it and didn’t freak out, and you got me all fixed up.” He smiled while reflecting on that eventful memory.

“C’mon, why didn’t you tell me?” he pressed as Y/N attempted to roll over into a new position, the old one no longer comfortable as new pains began to spring up.

“It’s just humiliating, it shouldn’t be such a big deal, and you’re so busy, and I ruined the sheets…”

“Ok, ok, hold on,” Tom interjected, lacing a hand into one of hers. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of; let’s get that straight. And I can wash the sheets; that’s not a problem.”

“No, I’ll take care of it; it’s not necessary-” Y/N, who had been trying to sit up, was cut off as she doubled back over in pain. Tom threw an arm around her shoulders.

“And as for me being ‘too busy’, I’m not going anywhere, angel. Not when you’re too sick to sit up. I don’t have anything going on the rest of the day that can’t wait.” He had made his mind up and could not be moved by any of her continued pleas that she was fine and could manage by herself.

After fetching her a dose of painkillers and reheating the lukewarm heat pads, he delicately scooped her off the floor, transferring them both to the nearby bed. He settled her on his lap while he rested his back against the headboard. She was curled up in such a way that her head was nestled in his neck and chest, and he could reach an arm around to knead her stomach.

Once the painkillers started to kick in, he felt comfortable enough to run out of the apartment to grab her a few things. Y/N insisted that he had done enough, to which he replied, “If you don’t tell me what you want, I’ll just have to guess.” He slipped into his leather jacket, making sure his wallet was still in the pocket.

“Do I also have to remind you of the time I was out of commission sick for almost a week? You practically waited on me; you cooked everything, you sang to me, you sat with me while I was throwing up-“

“Oh no, please don’t talk about throwing up,” Y/N implored, already nauseous from the consistently intense stomach pain.

“Oops, sorry,” he winced.

She begrudgingly requested her favorite hot tea and that he rent the new movie she had been wanting to see, blushing and trying not to smile.

“Yes, ma’am. Now, call me if you need anything; I shouldn’t be very long.”

He gave her a peck on the forehead and a peck on the lips before leaving on his quest, and Y/N replied, “You know you’re the best, right?”

[fangirlera-part2]

Been going through some stuff lately and a sad one shot was made (not a great one but you know). Not gonna lie, I'm not really feeling this but the story is below the divider.

✦ Genre: Hurt (idk what else)

✦ Warnings: Implied self-unaliving, Implied depression, self-harm (mention of blood), self-hatred (if you squint hard enough), Please let me know what else I'm missing I haven't had to use warnings before on here.

✦ Word Count: 1.1k ✦ Masterlist

Chan stared at the one-sided texts that he knew would soon be undeliverable. His puffy eyes felt heavy as they filled with tears again. He wasn’t even sure that he had any tears left after the past few weeks. Closing out of the message, he opened his gallery for the umpteenth time today. He scrolled through the photos until he found the one he was searching for. It was from one of their many movie nights. He had chosen to watch The Ring because he remembered Y/N saying she had never watched it before. She tried her usual bargaining for a different movie whenever it was his turn to choose. Ultimately, she lost and spent most of the night with her face buried in his neck. Every musical change or small noise would result in her clutching onto his jacket and burying deeper into him as he just smiled. Chan could still smell her honeydew shampoo on his sweater as he pulled it over his nose.

He swiped again to be faced with a photo he had been avoiding anytime he opened the app. Y/N was asleep in his bed after a particularly long night. She was wearing one of his oversized shirts as she covered her face with her arms. In the photo Chan could make out the scars and fresh wounds that lined them. The night before, she had called him crying so hard she couldn’t speak. He remembers leaving in the middle of practice just to run to her; luckily her apartment was only a 10-minute walk from the studio. He had found her sitting in her bathroom, blood on her arms and legs as she cried. “I’m sorry. Chan I’m so sorry. I- I’m sorry.” Was all she kept saying as he quickly and carefully cleaned her up before practically forcing her to go back to the dorms with him, so she wasn’t alone. She was always so happy and cheerful, but Chan knew the truth. He wanted to be her safe space, the one she could run to no matter what happened. But no matter how many times he tried telling her to call him when she went into a downward spiral, she couldn’t help but keep it all in until it eventually spilled out in a destructive manor. The destruction always resulted in her living in pants and long sleeves for weeks on end. All he could do was try and take her mind off of things until she was ready to finally talk. With everything that was going on with her at the time he didn’t want to confess his feelings in fear of adding more pressure on her. He knew she didn’t like the spotlight that was shining on her after a photo of them coming out of a restaurant had appeared a few months ago. Even though the company released a statement explaining she was an old friend, that didn’t stop the fans from commenting on her and their friendship. It took her days to remove all the comments and make all her social media private after that. Chan began to wonder if those same comments are what lead to this pain in the first place.

As he continued to silently torture himself with old photos and videos the bedroom door opened. It was Felix with a bag, “Hyung, Y/N’s brother came by with the necklaces.” The younger boy sat at the foot of the bed, setting the bag in front of Chan. “I-I know you miss her, we all do; but I don’t think she would want you to cry every time you look at her photos.” Chan clicked his phone off, still refusing to turn around. Felix sighed and patted his friends back, “Her brother also said there’s something addressed to you in there too.” With that he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. Chan wiped his tears before pulling the contents out of the bag. There was a jewelry case and heart shaped note inside with his name scribbled across the front, the same heart she folded every one of her notes to him in. Inside the case was a silver necklace with an hourglass pendant filled with her ashes. He felt his breathing hitch as he gently turned the pendant down, letting the ashes slowly fall. As he watched he looked towards the note, he almost didn’t want to read it, but knew he had to. Careful as to not tear any corners he unfolded the heart, inside his eyes carefully reading each word, pausing every so often whenever a dry tear spot appeared on the page. Chan’s vision began to blur as he leaned his head back, placing both the necklace and letter onto the pillow. “You’re really gone.” Was all he could say before the tears began falling for the umpteenth time again.

Note:

Channie,

Do you remember the first day we met cause I do. My brother had somehow talked the company into letting me shadow him for the day ‘to experience the industry in real time’ was what he told them. I remember him introducing me to the eight of you and the moment I saw you I wanted to just hit you for the way you made my stomach hurt just from laughing. I know I’m not there anymore, and I know you’re probably pretending to be okay, but please don’t be sad. The boys love you and you can lean on them during this time. You should lean on them during this time. I hope you will always remember that you’re my hoodmouse that I told everything to. Everything except for how I would purposefully not check the time whenever I was with you in hopes you’d walk me home. You always insisted on me staying over instead. Or how I actually loved scary movies and only pretended to be scared so I could cuddle up to you. How I always wanted to hold your hand wherever we went but was too scared to. So, I always said we had to hold hands crossing the street. I remember the face you made the first time I suggested that and the smile on your face after you realized I wasn’t going to move unless we were ‘safe crossing the street’. Every time I said I love you that I meant it, and I just wish I could’ve told you before leaving. So, Channie, I’m telling you now, I love you and I loved you from the moment I met you. I hope you’ll be happy and know that I’ll always be with you even if you can’t see me.

[rottenprincessshura100]

Blue Exorcist Chapter 140: Notes

The Future is Depressing....y'all.

We start off with Rin as the "Demon King." He has a pretty amazing character design upgrade. A really dark, grungy cape and a scary mask that hides his cute little elfin features. But our Rin has changed; he's now a killer of humans. He wears a mask and hides his soul away.

In this chapter we see Rin is attacking an exorcist.

I'm not sure if this woman he battles is human. The best way to describe her is an Angelic Legion Sailor Scout. Her outfit is covered with angel wings and all kinds of tacky bling and details (plus, who chooses to fight in heels? No human, I know.)

Arthur the Paladin has totally designed this outfit.

Plus, the exorcist, or whatever she is, looks like a Lucifer clone. It makes me wonder who controls the Knights of True Cross? I think all the clues are pointing at Lucifer. Anything Angelic looking, things with little pretty wings, cherubs and light, point back to him. In this case, the perfection and heavenly details tend to be the evil ones. Isn't that the way the world works now? Anyway, I digress.

Her name is...or was, Malchidael, which translates into angelic messenger. Just an aside, remember when Shura was so embarrassed to be part of the Angelic Legion? She wouldn't be caught dead in an outfit like this. The legion was too square; this is proof that Angel is in charge..or Lucifer. You don't get more square than those two.

I think I've seen a version of this female character before....it was like an action figure on Mephisto's desk. I'm not quite sure if she's real or not.

Things that bother me about her...she looks like Shiemi but wields a weapon with Armumahel powers like the Myoda. Is she related to Shima? A sister? Ooof.

Getting back to Rin.

Rin has changed...he's still our Rin but tired and dark. We see it in his eyes, the sad resignation. Plus, he looks much older. As he uses his demonic powers, his hair changes from white to black. He seems in complete control of his inner demons.

Unfortunately, Rin is also capable of killing humans. So much has changed, and we don't know the back story. Yet, we know he seems to only be killing exorcists that are threatening him. When Paku calls out his name from her hiding place, he doesn't raise his sword to kill her or threaten her in any way. Rin regards her as an old friend from a past life. But an old friend he no longer has time for.

His personality reminds me more of Yukio now, worn out and saddled with some huge responsibility he can't talk about.

(Just an aside, he looks like my friends and me when we came out of covid...we felt ten years older and unsure how to talk to other humans, Kato is making this parallel to our current world...remember calling the terrible event Maga. Yeah.)

Whatever has happened, Rin has been left alone, and he's trying to survive in any way he can. He is now like Satan, ruling over demons and making them do his bidding. But...he's still got his empathy. He doesn't send the hobgoblins to their deaths but tells them to retreat. He's accomplished his mission, killed his target and left.

One thing we do know...all of his friends are missing.

Did they die? Paku doesn't know, and it's heartbreaking.

She runs away and is so torn. She's happy to see Rin but is beyond sad at what has happened to him. And, as soon as she remembers the past, something happens....she finds a glowing door suddenly in front of her. The door is a rip in space-time, and maybe she caused the rip. This is a very strange situation considering the Paku doesn't seem to have any powers, temptaint or exorcist ability, yet somehow Paku connects between worlds, connects to Mephisto. She gives the demon king a glimpse into something he's never seen before.

Mephisto.

This part, of course, was great. Mephisto still has those fucking crazy eyes. He's on the edge of sanity. When Paku opens the door, he jumps into action and seals the portal closed. Of course, he does it with style and conjures some milk chocolate crazy glue. Which is fittingly weird with the rest of the upside-down we are experiencing.

Mephisto is weak but has enough power to stop the universe from imploding. But for the first time, he's seen past the end of times. He can see the future and knows there is one. Mephisto is so fucking excited because it's new.

A new place for him to play, new chess moves for him to work with.

This future might come to pass but hasn't yet. Mephisto can still change this....this is a possible future.

At the very end, we get this troubling sketch by Kato. Yukio survives as well as Rin, back two years ago, which he does because he's got Satan's temptaint. But the others were not so lucky. All around him are bodies...

Hopefully, Mephisto can fix all of this. This future is no future at all for our favourite characters.

[missbunnybunny]

- I was never enough, huh?- Widow

This is how Widow came to be in 141 + how she got her name. Cws : toxic relationships, toxic household, trauma, broken and fixed relationships, depression, yelling, suicidal thoughts, manipulation, attempted suicide, many more that I��ll add later, if I don’t forget. If you're reading this and it’s really short, just know I accidentally posted this without finishing. 😅😅

“ Hey, how are ya feeling, kid?” Price asked. You didn’t say a word just blankly stared up at him. It had been a couple of weeks since the incident. At first, you were just telling everyone that you were fine.

But slowly, your mask was starting to slip off and crack. You no longer had your smile, your happy go lucky attitude, everything that made widow….well Widow.

Ghost had been trying to get you to talk or even crack a smile. Soap and Gaz had gotten you some of your favorite food and took you to your favorite places. The flower field you found in the woods, the river, and so on, but none of them worked.

Price had taken you on some walks, and König had tried to make you feel better. He even got you some stuff animals. But nothing worked. You just became a shell of your former self.

You felt like you were back home. One night, while ghost was walking to his room, he heard crying. He followed the sound and came to your room. He softly knocked at the door and waited. After some time, he heard some shuffling. Soon, the door opened. He stared down at a red-faced, teary-red eyes, shaking widow.

“ You wanna talk about it , lil lady” ghost asked. He was sincere, but it came out sounding sarcastic. You laughed a little to the shock of ghost. “ y-you haven’t called me that I-in a while.” In between hiccups and a hoarse voice. You invited him in, and he walked in and followed behind you. “ what’s troubling you?” He asked softly. You looked up at him.

You took a deep breath and exhaled, “ haven't really told you everything, have I?” You said. ghost shook his head, “ Well I’ll take it from the start, so take a seat. we gonna be here for a while.” You told ghost, he moved a little and got comfortable. “ am here. So, nothing you say will make me run.” He said with a chuckle.

-

“It all started when I was 5 or so. My parents had been arguing and fighting. I can’t remember why they even stared. My older brother took me and my little brother to his room.” Ghost nodded, telling me silently to carry on.

“ he was 8 at the time, I guess we were too young to understand. But Michael, being the oldest, took most of the hits for us. Mom was a frail lady. She would tell us to play hide and seek when dad got to drunk.”

“She would come into our rooms and would say hide and seek time. Find your best spot, and don’t come out until I find you. Alex and I would always hide together in the toy box in the closet, while Michael would hide under a pile of toy in the corner.” I laughed humorlessly. “ Being the only girl didn’t help either.

My father would come from work and yell at me. Why I wasn’t as smart as my brother, why I wasn’t as strong as him, why I was even born a girl. Mom would always come running, telling off my father and hugging my tightly to her chest.”

Ghost patted my back, giving me comfort the best he could. “ By the time Michael was 18, I was 15, and Alex was 13. Mom’s health took a turn for the worst. We had learned why we played hide and seek and why father had always hated me. He hated me for looking so much like mom. He hated me for being me, a kid.”

“ Michael moved out and got a job. He promised he would come back for use. But I guess a taste of freedom from our father, our home, was all he needed. He stopped calling, visiting, and soon we stopped seeing him. I was the oldest now, I was just a child. I became a mother to my little brother, a maid, a slave to my fathers cruel words. I lost my childhood.”

“ mom, got better after some treatment. She could walk on her own, and she told my father that enough was enough. She was going to divorce him. It was a hope for the future. But that was all cut short when, in the end, he became the death of her, all the beating, all the manipulation, finally came to get her. She died of stress. Her coworkers said she was calling out our names.” I started to cry. Mother was the light we looked to, our saving light at the end of the tunnel, but she was gone.

Ghost healed my hand, telling it was okay, “ You can take a break, you know?” He said. I shook my head “ I’ll never finish if I stop now.” Wiping the tears from my face. I took a breath and continued.

“ When I was turning 17, I had had enough. I wrote a letter to my father telling him how much I hated him, I wrote a letter to my brother, telling him how much I loved him. And that I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. Just when I had finished writing my letters, I took a bottle of pills and drowned them.”

“ I was slipping in and out, I felt light like I was floating. I had come to terms with my own demise, I thought, since my father didn’t love me, and my brother abandoned us, no one would care if I died. But I was wrong. Alex came into my room maybe 10 minutes after I had taken the pills. He told me he wanted to surprise me with the cake he managed to bring home, he thought I was sleeping until he saw the letter.”

“ he read the letter, and soon he started running to my side, shaking me. He saw the empty bottle and stared to panic even more. He managed to pump my stomach. He sat by my side the whole time, waiting until I woke up, and when I finally opened my eyes. He cried. He cried and beg me never to do it again he couldn’t live without me. I was his only family left, and he couldn’t lose me.”

“ I had felt like I didn’t matter like I was nothing, I had to grow up and be an adult instead of a kid. I guess I was naïve to believe that my brother wouldn’t notice. He gave me the cake while crying and singing happy birthday. And we came to the session to burn the letters, I was going to live, if not for myself, then for him.”

“ I got a part-time job, I managed to save enough money to buy myself a phone, and it was a few months or so later, when I received a message from an unknown number. It was Michael. At first, I didn’t want to respond.

I didn’t even want to speak to him. But Alex told me to hear him out, and so I reluctantly I did. He told me how father changed the houses phone number, how every time he tried to visit, father would threaten him. He couldn’t risk getting us hurt, so he decided to go away.”

“ it was the first time in years, I had heard the truth from my brother. He didn’t abandon us. Our father drove him away. He loved us. He actually tried to fight for custody, but father threatened that if he even took it to court, he was going to kill him.”

“ When Alex turned 16, I was 18, we packed our stuff, and in the middle of the night, we ran away. Michael was waiting for us outside the house. We ran and never looked back. You were finally free. Michael had decided to join the army. We keep in touch, but not as frequently. Last time, I heard he was stationed in Germany. Alex is in the Navy. He’s stationed in Korea, and I’m here.”

“ Do you remember when you met me?” I asked ghost. He nodded “ yea, you were close to dying.” He said.

“ yeah” I responded. “ hours before you found me, my ex fiancé had beaten me, took all my savings, and kicked me out. He had been cheating on me, so he decided that he had had enough of playing with me, with my feelings.

I actually thought you were death itself coming to collect my broken soul. You helped me up and took me back to my old apartment. ” You laugh as you remember this part. It was what made you start trusting the masked man.

“ You kicked down the door. Pulled my ex fiancé by his shirt and punch him in the face. You helped me pack up my stuff before we were leaving. You gave me the courage to speak up. Although in the end, I had so much pent-up anger that I gave him a blackeye. You were so taken aback that you told me-”

“Wow, there lil lady” ghost finished for you. You laughed, a laugh that was not forced but heartfelt. “ You took me back to the base, like I was a lost cat. told Captain Price that it was worth it to take me in, and you were the one who gave me my code name. 141 give me a new identity, a home, and a place to belong to.”

“ Well, we’re family kid. So don’t push your family away. Everyone has been very worried about you. And I see a certain lover boy has given you many gifts.” Ghost chuckled while looking at the pile of stuffed animals. Even in dimly lit room, he could notice how your face grew in color.

“ he’s just nice that way.” You hit ghost on the side. “ Yeah, right, that man asked me for your favorite colors and animals, none stop, and even asked me for recommendations.” Ghost spoke, pointing his finger at your face.

“ Alright, it's getting late, get some rest. You got some explaining to do.” Ghost said while walking out of your room. You closed your eyes and thought to yourself “ am not alone, I have my family right here”

_

The next morning, you came clean to the rest of the team. “ In short, I was just scared I would become a liability, that you would no longer need me and throw me away.”

you told them while keeping your head down. They were silent. The silence was becoming too much for you, so you looked up. The second you looked up, they hugged you. they told you that you could never become a viability! That you were what was keeping this team together.

you look back at ghost. He nodded towards you, and you cried. It finally hit you even after all your shortcomings. Even after you were broken, they still accepted you for who you were. this team was willing to sacrifice their lives to make you understand you were a part of them.

Soap joked “ No wonder ur still awful at cooking.” You laugh “ Well, I didn’t have anyone to teach me growing up.” I turned to ghost and gave him a big hug “ Thank you, if you hadn’t talked to me into telling them. I don’t know how it would have ended.”

Ghost hugged you back and told you “ see, i told you. You are enough”

“ widow! Come on i’ll teach ya how to cook!” Soap yelled. You gave Ghost one last hug and ran to soap and the rest of the squad, with ghost following after you. “coming!” You yelled at them, with a bright smile in your face.

- I was and still am enough - Widow

-Thank you to @seulgi-burgundy for the ideas and I hope that everyone liked this story. Sorry for any spelling errors, and I’ll start giving widow and König some love. Until next time! @seulgi-burgundy hope this lived up to your expectations!

[dropintomanga]

Sometimes, Mental Health Pros Suck - On ANN's Pulled Nagata Kabi Review

So I heard something controversial happened in the world of manga reviews. And it quite happens to revolve around a manga figure a lot of people know too well - Nagata Kabi.

Nagata's latest release in the U.S., My Pancreas Broke, But My Life Got Better, was reviewed by Anime News Network. While I normally find their reviews of manga to be fine, something about this one ticked off A LOT of people on social media. Then I heard it got pulled off the website a few days after it was published, but I later found it via Archive.org.

So I read what the review was like and there's a few points that came to my mind.

First, I can see why people were saying the reviewer, who is an actual mental health professional, was condescending towards Nagata's experiences. Throughout all of her works, Nagata always seems to be going through something. It can make someone think that she's not trying hard enough, especially if you're a professional whose job is to help people like Nagata.

Second, the reviewer expressed frustration over Nagata not getting better. Maybe some of the frustration is warranted, but the thing is the reviewer doesn't really know, know Nagata. They're only getting a glimpse of Nagata's personality through her works. While the works do provide a clear and often heavy picture of her life so far, I don't think they tell the whole story. I remember Nagata saying she struggles with how she portrays herself in her memoir manga compared to how she is in person. There's always multiple layers to a person.

Lastly, I know people are saying "How dare they call themselves a mental health pro if they are acting like an insensitive prick." My response to that is because psychiatry/psychology has become a conflict-riddled field where some professionals turn out to be pricks. They are taught a very Western way of thinking in that the individual has no one to blame but themselves for whatever mental health disorder they have. All of the solutions should be placed in the hands of the individual. A lot of mental health professionals aren't trained well enough to strongly consider factors (i.e. cultural/socioeconomic) outside of the individual that cause people to have mental distress.

While it does suck that Nagata seems to have something going on most of the time, I do want her to be okay. I don't want her to force herself to be happy for the sake of other people. I have a lot of compassion for Nagata. While the reviewer says that she should get the professional help she needs and considering the reviewer's earlier comments, I honestly don't know if it might be the best idea for Nagata.

A long while back, when I was in therapy, my social worker switched me to a different psychiatrist than the one I was seeing at the time. I was originally under a Chinese psychiatrist, but my social worker said the new one fitted my schedule more. So I said alright. The new psychiatrist was a really old white male in his '60s-'70s with glasses. When I saw them for the first time, one of the first questions he asked was "How is my sex life?" I was aghast and questioned why he asked that. Then he went on to say "Maybe you should get a girlfriend. It can help your depression." Over the next few sessions, that psychiatrist's line of questioning about my well-being became a bit too personal to my liking. I told him to stop asking those questions and he apologized. I later told my social worker that I don't want to see him anymore despite her saying that he's a funny guy.

Seeing that review made me think about that awful psychiatrist experience I had and I do not want Nagata to go through moments like that because there's a good amount of bad apples in the mental health industry.

I'm glad ANN took down that review because they're not mental health professionals. And people like that reviewer are one of the big reasons why I got rid of the Manga Therapy name. I don't think professionals have all the answers to life's problems.

Going forward, there was a good question asked on social media - how do you make mental illness relatable to those who don’t have it? That's hard because mental illness is always portrayed as "crazy", "sick", "mad", etc. While it's clear that extreme forms of mental illness can be problematic, I feel that depression and anxiety are normal signs that the world is messed up. You think that people in power want to admit that they're the ones causing a lot of mental health problems?

You know, I think all people living with mental illness want is to not just be relatable - they want compassion, that's it.

And in a way that doesn't come off as something that sounds too much like a professional/expert, but more from an actual human being that doesn't have to act like one.

[mogekoakiko]

Heh, yes, to take a break from drawing (one day, I will finish all the doodles on this fandom, but not in this life lol) I drew my OC to Mine

@minevn

(Her backstory and relationship to the characters. Sorry for any mistakes. Warning: child abuse and themes of depression(?))

Came to Japan when she was still a child, when her parents moved to Japan from Russia. As a child, she was a quiet and shy child. During her school years, her parents demanded excellent grades from her, but despite great efforts, it did not work out (she was able to overtake Haruto, but not Kei). Mistakes and mistakes were accompanied by physical punishment, which she tried not to tell Haruto, Jun, Kage or Aki about. Numerous comparisons between her and Kei (her parents knew who she was in class with and who was in what position in their studies) and violence due to the fact that she could not overtake him led to hatred towards Kei. When Kei grades deteriorated, she quickly took his place and the family became loyal to her (as an adult, they began to argue that she was not looking for a husband). As an adult, I wanted to go to Kultorog of Russia, but due to lack of money I went to work. Despite her grades, she is unable to find a good job other than her family's restaurant, where she works until she finds another job or money for school. In his spare time, he enjoys reading, drawing, playing the DiZi flute, singing a little, and mostly playing games.

She has a calm and pessimistic character until it comes to your favorite games (get ready for the fact that she calls up ALL the lore of all games, about all the characters and all the most popular theories about them) or about things that interest her, she tries to hide her depression and short temper. There is a tendency to keep negativity inside until it breaks through. Height: 170 cm Birthday: 22.11 Likes: her hobbies, good and calm people, music, delicious food, nature (except some bugs), swimming in water, cute things, cook and does it well (If a person is dear to her, then she is ready to cook for him from time to time) Dislikes: noise, dirt, spicy food, being bullied or irritated, too much temperature changes. Family: Mother, Father, older sister (remained in Russia in early childhood) Corporate color: blue-violet. Additionally: her appearance changed almost immediately when she moved out from her parents (they get angry), she loves hugs madly (can hug for hours), due to the disease, she often feels dizzy, weak and drowsy. Due to memory problems, she sometimes finds himself in situations where he cannot remember the name of a person (even an acquaintance), which is why he often takes notes in phone.

Minato: I met him through work, although there was no way to find out his name. Values him as a good friend, although at first he was tense because of his height. Loves his grandparents.

Haruto: became friends at an early age when their mothers brought them to each other. Since then they were inseparable, Haruto protected her from “bad” people, and she supported him in almost everything and tried to help (probably considered her mother to be his mother). Even though she feels a little suffocated by Haruto's constant presence, she still values him very much as a friend and trusts him with almost everything. At some point I thought about applying for a job in his company (even if it was to work as a cleaner)

Jun: We met through Aki. Tried to overcome my shyness and make friends with her. She adores her as a friend and admires her talent, although she is embarrassed when she wears her creations. Tries to support and help in many ways.

Kage: met him through Haruto. At first she was worried that she was somehow scaring him, but then she relaxed, considers him a friend and tries to take care of him (most likely she helped look after him as a child). She tries to be as gentle as possible around him. At some point she worked with him, but he left…

Hoshi: met him when she got a job at Kikuchi's restaurant and it was one of the worst days of her life. His bullying and ridicule plunge her even deeper into the abyss of self-loathing and depression, despite the fact that she tries to convince herself that Hoshi is just an asshole who doesn’t care what he says. The only thing stopping her from hitting him is that she needs a job. If I found out that he was cheated on, I would immediately say that his ex-partner is shit (but he’s not much better either)

Habiki: met him when she got a job at his family's restaurant and it was one of the worst days of her life. His insults also negatively affect her, but she still admires his violin playing and, despite the hatred, is not afraid to say so. (adores his mother, considers she a gorgeous woman, but is probably a little embarrassed at the beginning of meeting her)

Aki: I met her in elementary school, most likely it was her initiative. Was her second friend since she met Haruto. She values her as her best friend and misses her when she doesn't see her for a long time. Yani: I met him at work and… I regretted it. She contacted the police several times when she saw him breaking into her apartment, but it was to no avail. After several hundred attempts to drive him away, she gave up and treated him…neutral. Now she's just trying to keep him on a short leash and make sure he doesn't do anything weird. At some point, she may have invited him out to eat when she saw him back in the apartment and tried to find out more about him.

Kei: I didn’t communicate with him during my school years (even almost during the project). The only interaction was when they were partners and when Haruto got angry at Kei (she pulled her friend away and left saying "Sorry"). If she met him as an adult, she wouldn’t recognize him right away, but when she does… she won’t love him. She remembers and knows that it is not Kei fault that her parents are terrible, but over the years she has been taught to consider him an enemy. Trying to love him will cause her dissonance and confusion. However, despite her dislike for him, she tries not to be rude and treat him neutrally, keeping him at a “familiar” distance. Basically, she won't turn to him for help… unless it's a very last resort. (Akiko parents will probably immediately write him down as a potential husband for her (He is serious, rich, smart and treats their daughter well, so why not the best husband?), despite the past. (Although he admits that his eyes are so incredibly beautiful, but I won’t talk about it)