#I still can't believe the mods picked this to be the cover

[athrisen]

It's no longer a surprise, but here's the cover I illustrated for The Four Seasons Zine @wohzine! In case it isn't obvious, you're supposed to be looking at ZZS from WKX's POV.

I added the drafts- I always find it fascinating to see how a piece evolves from conception to completion.

Yeah I know this has been plastered all over socials for marketing purposes and y'all are sick of it, but I haven't actually posted it on my account so you have to suffer it again! Hohoho

Instagram | Twitter

[alicethepiper]

okay more photos before i continue playing the game so that i don't have a backlog (thirty is the limit on here and i thought that was a lot but clearly it's not enough)

first off, some more luis backstory that i actually wasn't aware of this time around. i never went back to the manor after you get ashley on my first playthrough because i was literally just trying to get through the game. i came back for the "not like other dogs" dog. and it is dead now (sorry dog). i was lowkey worried that it was going to give me a straight up normal dog (since all the other damn dogs, minus hewie, are infected - and therefore the infected is the norm, etc. that's how my brain was working) So i thought that to get the request done it was going to make me kill a normal dog or something. i don't know why i had such a morbid thought like that but anyways. glad i didn't have to kill a normal dog. although having a request that was just like "find my dog please it ran away when the town went to shit" and then you have to find like a lil domesticated dog and bring it food to get it to follow you and bring it back to the merchant would be so DAMN CUTE. the doggy can briefly help you out along the way and then you just bring him to the merchant and boom request done. and then for the rest of the game the dog is just sitting next to the merchant at each of his stations for the rest of the game just lounging about and being a good doggy, implying that it was just the merchants dog and he was like "oh shit i can't clock out, mind grabbing my dog for me i left him at the chief's manor" anyways.

moushley comforting heather-ashley (moushley is a benevolent leader)

she is SO SASSY AND CUTE AND AHHHH (i put her in glasses she is so adorbs)

she is sick, so sad :(

they are so dang cute i love it

hehe here is luis - i had a mod for him that changed his outfit to leon's outfit but the jacket was all out of whack unfortunately

ADA HI ADA RE6 ADA AHHHHH (i've done leon and chris' campaign so far in re6 and i just don't remember ada wearing a cross but that's cool, slay queen, get all your bases covered that is so youuuu girl)

i killed the bull dude in the cabin stand off and he dropped an emerald and then right when i was about to pick it up ashley found the way out and i didn't get to pick it up and i'm so upset about that (not really) (but it is a bit frustrating)

look at these three, a couple of cards (i said three because moushley is there) (i could never forget her)

lol okay leon you go girl, stab that arm (i know it was reflex but still - leon slay kennedy lives in my brain rent free, i'm ALLOWED to make fun of him)

mods used: Luis Classic Color Theme - TrieuPham Ada Wong - Resident Evil 6 Outfit -xBaebsae Leon Long Sleeves - pakjuaan Punisher Color Collection Fout Types - CrossingFN9 AKA HANAREIKO Ashley- Cute Ponytail Hair - xBaebsae Heather Mason - Silent Hill 3 - Ashley Graham - Glitch (Glitch5970 i believe also)

and of course:

Moushley Graham - Ratatouille Mod -cathroon

[wanderingaldecaldo]

💕 Self-love time! Talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most, then send to other creators to do the same 💕

Thank you so much @rosapexa! 🥰❤️ I'm super proud of this photoset I did for Halloween last year, Poison Ivy and The Penguin! It's the biggest non-work, non-writing project I've completed. It required a lot of work modding-wise, and I picked up some new skills along the way, and in the end it was worth all the effort!

Mitch 🤝 me, unable to keep our eyes off of Valerie

Early on in Corpo Val's life, someone commented that she looked like Poison Ivy, and I couldn't stop thinking about that. I'd wanted to do a couple's theme the previous Halloween but didn't have the time, so I started working on this in late summer to get it done. I started by looking at Poison Ivy's costumes, both from movies and comics, and matching things in-game that could serve my purpose. I ended up with this: Mel's (Panam's) bodysuit, arm-length gloves, and Evelyn's boots.

Val's first appearance as Poison Ivy

I wanted to add some texture to the bodysuit, and nothing in game matched what I imagined, so the first thing I learned was adding a new texture to use as a pattern. It turned out better than I hoped! Next were the boots which required a refit since Evelyn has skinny legs compared to vanilla fem. I knew that ArchiveXL allowed the hiding of different parts of the body mesh, so between extensive refitting and learning something new, I chose ArchiveXL. (And I'm so glad I did!) Then it was a matter of recoloring them and the sleeves to coordinate with the bodysuit.

For Mitch, I wasn't entirely sure what to do since I'm not as familiar with DC. I thought The Penguin could be a good match given his hair and nose, but it wasn't until I found this art from a comic cover that I knew I made the right decision. I already had a suit I'd been working on for the Corpo AU, so it was just a matter of swapping out the shirt for the three piece suit and recoloring it.

The Penguin from Wikipedia; Mitch in a suit 🥵 by me

His accessories were the third (and fourth) things I learned in the process. I replaced the cowboy hat with a free 3D mesh top hat; created the normal map and the mlmask for the textures from scratch (just don't ask me how to do the normal map again); and colored it match the suit and pocket square. The umbrella was a half-successful experiment in which I added a new prop to the game. I struggled with the textures, and eventually called it "good enough", which is why you don't see it too much. 😅

And the final product! I have never used so many props in my life, and it gave me a greater appreciation for everyone who does have that patience. I used Wingdeer's roses to make a crown for her to wear, then went ham decorating, and decorated some more.

I still can't believe I did all this! I'm so happy with how everything turned out. 🥰

Want more? #poison ivy and the penguin

[gideonisms]

I totally feel the exact same way, reading your post was like reading my thoughts! I looked at getting into the trades recently as a way to escape talking to people and the things I heard from women who work in the trades about the level of harassment they experience there made me realize I could not handle it, because at my current dumb customer service job the moment old men remark on the I way look or how I’m “prettier” than my male coworkers (as a dumb joke that happens every day) I feel gross over it forever. I just feel like there’s no future for me where I’m not suffering constantly lol. at least if I were a man there might be a job I could do where I was mostly left alone. but anyway I have to believe we will one day find something that works for us

Oh same I was like should I just try and be an electrician or something? But then I realized I'd have to get guys to believe me about their wiring and go into their homes. It really feels like I can't exist in the world as the person I am because even the careers that involve less socializing still require a level of social maneuvering that might have been doable Before I experienced the Horrors but now I find I've lost all patience for them. Nevertheless I do very badly want to exist so we press on. sorry you relate! Wishing you the best and I really believe we'll get there one day

in case you find it helpful, here's some things that helped me cope with customer service:

if you live with someone else, let them know you need time alone after your shifts, smooths that relationship so you don't have to worry as much at home

drinking coffee or tea on the job. Take a sip when people are talking to you in a way you don't like, it's a socially acceptable way to cover your expression

take the bathroom break BEFORE you lose it not during or after

a lot of times not saying anything or walking away from a situation is better than engaging. Stand there and look at the counter silently if you have to

on a bad sensory day, sometimes you can feel a breakdown coming on and the way to avoid unprofessionalism at work is to just call in

the way to offset this is unfortunately to get along well with your bosses and work hard while you're there. if you're good at one task in particular lean WAY into that

stay busy to distract yourself. I loved organizing the candy and doing mods. If you're good at organizing you sometimes get assigned to do that more and it's great

put yourself on basic courtesy autopilot for coworkers who don't like you and save the social energy for the ones who do, that way you'll feel supported at work which makes dealing with customers easier

therapy for anxiety will often tell you to focus on your physical experiences but personally what worked better for me was to pick a topic I enjoyed and zone out thinking about it, refocusing on that topic if my attention drifted. I guess if any of your physical experiences feel nice like you have something warm in your hands you can focus on that too

[charbunnies]

HBD GRIMSLEYYYYYY 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 u can use this ask to talk about ur blorbo of ur choosing if u want. I HOPE TODAYS GOOD TO U

TY VIXEN MY BELOVED!!! <3 i hope it's good to me too, we're watching advent children w/ my mom and that will be. An Experience

Anyway! i believe i shall talk about my current on-the-mind meowmeow, mr. vincent fowler who is living in my mind rent free because he's my focus for miqomarch. here he is!

i originally made him because i wanted a character in xiv to sexualize (sorry) because my main wol is a BABY teenager. and i wanted to play with mods. but then i got attached and now vincent makes me feel shrimp emotions

he's got like. four different verses but the main one i focus on is wol!vincent because Ough. he's a sharlayan moonkeeper miqo who had a special interest in primals as a kid and got scolded, put down and bullied for it for his entire childhood and he has a bit of a complex about it. when the sharlayan exodus happened (when vincent was 12), he broke into the great gubal library and stole a bunch of books on primals and ran off into dravania/coerthas in the middle of winter :^)

he got picked up by a young estinien and accidentally weaseled his way into becoming estinien's adopted younger brother. estinien renamed him to keep him from standing out as much around ishgardians so he just white-ified his name (vincent was originally named vincen'to fawhra. and estinien went "hhmmm how about vincent fowler". really creative estinien thanks). and then vincent joined the dragoons and, at 17, accidentally became the second azure dragoon. which he did not want! he became a dragoon as a cover for studying summoning/primals and then he got too good at it. so he wasn't exactly thrilled and got shoved into a position of power WHICH LED TO:

he got sent off to fight garuda alone when the ixal summoned her because the ishgardians wanted him dead, and because vincent's azem was the one who created her and risked a lot to save her from being destroyed as a creation, she recognized his soul and let him kill her to spare him. and because of the way smn works (yknow, have to have killed the primal to summon it!) suddenly vincent found himself able to just. summon her. he can't summon any of the other primals it's just her. they're best friends but they act like they hate each other and they make me cry so so much (it's the red-string-of-fate i-can't-let-you-go-even-though-i-can't-remember-why AGONY)

also he was childhood friends with g'raha and y'shtola but obviously lost contact when he ran away. g'raha had a kid crush on him that he never really got rid of and long story short, they end up together after shb but not without like, a LOT of agony

guys who make me really, really insane. vinraha my friends my meowmeows. i don't want to talk too much about their stuff because that's like. this reply is getting so fucking long but just know that they make me feel like screaming

but yeah. he's a weird drg/smn/drk combo where a lot of his attacks/abilities utilize garuda in some way. i call him a windcaller :)

UHHHH other than that, he's pretty and a little bit of a whore and extremely loyal to a fault and he puts on a scary face until you talk to him for like 5 minutes and realize he's actually very sweet. he gives good hugs and has wide shoulders and he's beefy and i want to kiss him on the face.

OH AND LAST THING: he and sidurgu had/have a weird relationship where they had a one night stand one time and sid thinks about it all the time and vincent never thinks about it at all. sid is still hopelessly in love with him despite the fact that it's been years. rielle likes vincent more than sid and also bullies sid about still being Like That with vincent. they permanently have weird sexual tension and also vaguely don't get along and it is so fucking funny to me. sid sees vincent showing raha around ishgard and vincent's making cat kissy eyes at raha and sid's like Oh. God Dammit. i think it's funny when grown ass men are weird like this.

anyway that is all <3 hope you enjoyed my ted talk and ty again for letting me talk about my blorbo

[kazuwhora]

BODY MODS — TOKYOREV

ft. koko, kazutora, baji, senju, && yuzuha

cw. fem!reader, body mods, piercings, blowjob, cunnilingus, scissoring, tribbing, fingering

an. if ur straight or a cishet man and read the girls ones I will eat you and not in a nice way >:( sapphics only >:(

KOKONOI — SPLIT TONGUE

when you first met koko, the shock of his split tongue was overbearing and hard to avoid, taking every bit of focus for you to watch his eyes and not his tongue when he spoke. and yet, despite this surprise, you couldn't help but imagine the wonders his tongue could do with it's new modifications. and as usual, koko was eager to show off.

your body was shaking, legs trembling under his grasp as he spread you open and buried his face into your cunt. his head was turned so one side of his tongue circled around your clit while the other lapped at the juices that oozed from your folds like nectar. his tongue worked in unison, moving in opposite circles at the same time until your head was spinning with bliss and your body was holding on by a thread that snapped too easily with one stroke of koko's tongue. you sobbed and grabbed at whatever you could— his strands of silky ash coloured hair, the sheets beside you, anything you could grasp you could in a desperate attempt to keep yourself grounded when your body felt as light as air. koko only watched as you came down from your high, and a menacing smirk painted his expression as his tongue licked his lips clean— one side for each lip moving in a swirling motion you could only describe as mesmerizing.

KAZUTORA — FRENUM

the decision was purely selfish, and kazutora couldn't hide that he was shy about the whole ordeal. he kept it under wraps for as long as he could, making no advances on you until it was healed and instead silently fucking his fist in the bathroom before crawling back to bed unnoticed.

but the day finally came when his cover was blown, and the sound of his hushed whimpers escaped the confinements of the bathroom and woke you from your light sleep. you tiptoed to the door that was only half closed—how sloppy— and listened as his cock rubbed against his hand while he moaned.

"tora?" you asked, cracking the door open and snickering to yourself as he panicked to cover what was going on. but as your head poked through the door, kazutora froze, throbbing cock in hand and his face flushed the same colour as the tip.

"I—" he stuttered, but you snuck through the door and sat on the edge of the bathtub in front of where he stood.

"needy boy. I missed your cock" you pouted, beaming up at him as you took his length in your hands and dragged your tongue up the underside. kazutora opened his mouth to speak, but you cut him off when your tongue met the cold metal of his piercing, the slight taste of iron picking at your tastebuds. "tora? when did you get this?" he blushed, looking away and shrugging. "can't believe you hid this from me" his heart raced as he watched your brows furrow, but a whimper still fell from his lips while your tongue massaged the piercing, lips halfway pursed around his tip until his moans turned to sobs and his hands gripped the counter beside him for stability. as hard as he tried, kazutora was no match for your tongue and the way it circled and pressed against his piercing, and with a choked sob he painted your tongue white with his cum that slipped down your throat with ease.“shoulda told me sooner tora”

BAJI — JACOBS LADDER

what was originally done for shock factor and purely to make himself look cooler, quickly became something of high value and stimulation in baji's life— something he never realized until your mouth was wrapped around his cock, tongue swirling and dragging across each piercing that lined the underside of his length until you got to the tip.

"feels so good on my tongue, kei" you hummed, planting a kiss to his slit that was already leaking with precum as he groaned with pleasure. "you should get more"

"gonna cum" he breathed, thrusting his hips while he held your head in place. your tongue rested against the collection of metal bars, vibrating with the whimpers you let out as his cum came in spurts down your throat and all over your tongue.

but perhaps your favourite part about his piercings, was getting to coat them in his cum afterwards— watching him twitch and jolt with overstimulation as you watch his cum drip down his cock and off the piercings like a waterfall.

SENJU — NIPPLES

senju always looked so pretty when her cheeks tinted with blush and her hair fell in front of her eyes like a scrappy puppy. she loved being your bitch, ankles hooked over your shoulder as you toyed with her clit, spreading her folds and lapping at her juices as if every time was the first. but what's more is the way senju stuttered every time your mouth hovered over her tits, shimmying away from you until she could go no further.

"why'd you get em if you barely let me touch em?" you hummed, slipping a finger inside her while you watched her face with boredom.

"I do— I just— nhg" he whined as your finger curled inside her, reaching the spot you knew all to well with ease.

"if you let me taste then I'll let you cum" you slipped another finger inside so she wouldn't call your bluff, and the ease of her shoulders into the bed was all you needed to take her sensitive nipple in your mouth, letting your fingers move at a rhythmic pace while your tongue swirled around the jewelry she had let you pick out. her moans turned to cries as your free hand played with her other bud, and it wasn't long before she was a quivering mess underneath you.

"that's it" you coaxed senju to the edge of pleasure, teetering for just a moment before allowing herself to let go and give in to your touch that brought heat to her nerves. and as her whimpers and moans grew slower and quieter, you brought your fingers coated in her slick to her lips, painting them glossy before letting her taste herself in the height of her daze. "good girl"

YUZUHA — CHRISTINA

"shoulda put this in your tinder bio" you snickered, though you were practically drooling at the sight of yuzuha's cunt, glistening with slick and the shimmer of the piercing that sat pretty above her clit. the sight was enough to make you lose your composure, pushing her legs apart for better access as you straddled her thigh.

first, your thumb traced circles around the jewelry and her core tensed at the tingles that spread through her body. but the more you touched her, the more your own arousal coated her thigh until your hips moved in tandem with your thumb in deep grinding motions. yuzuha watched with heavy lidded eyes as your moans interlaced in the air and absorbed into the bed like morning dew, and her hands grabbed your hips pulling you flush against her cunt.

the cold metal shocked your clit as you rutted your hips into her, allowing your juices to mix as your arms grew weak with every move. the friction of skin against skin and the occasional tinge of the jewelry made your head spin and your vision fuzzy, and as your body began to give out yuzuha's only strengthened. her hands guided your hips, her clit rubbing against yours until her chest was tight with pleasure and she could feel the cords begin to unravel. she pushed her hips up into you with one last moan, and stars filled the room as you each dissolved into a mess of moans and gasps as your legs trembled and shook together.

one look at her pretty face glistened with sweat was enough to make sure she would never swipe right on someone again.

tags: @wakaslut @cumfuyu @abgtora @manjiroscum @01-20-1992 @tirzamisu @maytey @keisaint @haruphilia @miytsuya @champagnej @lovemegood @tofu-and-aesthetic @ravenina14 @kokonoienjoyer @dilf-city @z-na @souyatr @icecreamranwich @shujiful @nikidiaries @toyomitsus @saitaso @chieeeeeee @lalalemon101 @wakasa-wifey @roppongiperfume @nanaminshousewife @manjiken @blueparadis @xehr @abgtora

[forbidding-souda]

hello hi i love you and your writing sm

can i get a mf uhhhhhhhhhjjjjhh Nagito, Kokichi, Kaito, and Korekiyo with a reader that's 4'11" and love language is physical touch?

Happy Halloween :) <3

Nagito Komaeda, Kokichi Ouma, Kaito Momota and Shinguuji Korekiyo with a short S/O who's love language is physical touch

my head hurty all i can think about is how excited i am so stretch my septum anyway hello crayon i have found your request. I love you too hon. Thank you for complimenting my writing you are my biggest fan

update: stretched my septum the first g and it went in super super easy i expected it to hurt but i massaged it and oiled it and pulled on it beforehand. kinda wanted the pain tho lowkey was disapointed girl anyway i've eaten two different servings of calamari today and three different smoothies i am material gworl.

currently listening: bloodline by slayer

playlist: bands I have merch for

-Mod Souda

Nagito Komaeda

❤ He is the type to stand next to you and rest his elbow on your head. You don't even find it in you to shrug him off anymore.

❤ When you touch him it gives him butterflies. Like, every single time. His eyes will widen before he even leans into you. He can't believe it - you want to touch him? You actually like him enough to stick with him? This is incredible news. Now come here and cuddle him.

❤ He likes sleeping with his limbs wrapped around you. You are the caterpillar and he is the cocoon.

❤ Brush your fingers through his hair, kiss his forehead and tell him that everything will be okay. He needs it.

❤ He loves giving you piggyback rides. He isn't daring enough to randomly pick you up without your expecting, but he will offer piggyback rides at random.

❤ He likes putting his sweater over you because of the way his sleeves go over your hands. His arms are so much longer than yours.

.

Kokichi Ouma

❤ He is so confident in the fact that he's taller than you. He's shorter than everyone. Being taller than you - even by a little, makes him a bit cocky.

❤ This means he can wrap his arms around your shoulders from behind and force you into a hug.

❤ "Force" is used loosely, because he knows how much you love touching him.

❤ PDA doesn't bother him, and he likes it because it bothers everyone else. Making people he doesn't like uncomfortable? Excellent. Come give him a kiss.

❤ He likes giving you hugs from behind just because it surprises you. He wants to sneak up on you and drown you in affection. He loves the moment you realize it's him - the way you calm down and lean into him.

.

Kaito Momota

❤ Throwing you over his shoulder. He does this all the time. His laughter in your ear makes it all worth it.

❤ You get to!! pull him into kisses by his goattee!! it makes him laugh and his laugh is super super super sexy.

❤ He's going to be doing pushups with you on his back FRFR.

❤ He likes falling asleep on your chest. That, or pulling you against his side for you to lay on him. He needs to sleep alongside you at night. He needs that comfort - knowing that even though he's sick, there's someone willing to look out for him and stay with him.

❤ Be excitable with him. Laugh at his jokes, go along with his schemes, put your faith in him. All of it. All of it is his love language: just basic bottom line support.

❤ He likes holding your hand. He loves holding your hand, even. It's a big this one is mine.

❤ Concerts with him? You're going on his shoulders.

.

Shinguuji Korekiyo

❤ The way he hums when you're curled up against his chest is a healing aid. You're small enough to fit right into his lap, small enough to let the whole blanket cover you. Small enough for his hands to fit around your waist, where he holds you still.

❤ He works a lot - therefore, you can sleep on his lap a lot. Or hold his hand while he works. He can figure out how to work with one hand with no problem.

❤ He holds your hand all the time. Through museums, when he's showing you around. In grocery stores. Out on dates. Your hand almost never leaves him.

❤ He also runs his fingers up and down your arm a lot.

❤ And places his hand on the small of your back when you stand next to him.

❤ He just loves touching you so it goes hand in hand.

[afraid-of-the-deep-sea]

Twst headcanons part 2, again by yours truly but now with more projecting onto idia

-ace knows how to lockpick and tries to be mysterious and cool about why he has that particular skill but actually he just learned it from whatever version of YouTu be twst has

-Jack wears shorts in winter, and he keeps saying he's not cold even tho u can see his goosebumps

-Floyd always has cold sweaty palms

-Vil's cheeks will naturally turn red in the evening or when he's tired and he's really insecure about it. Throughout the day he'll often check if he hasn't turned into a tomato/press cold objects against his face when nobody is looking

-vil fucking hounds ppl he cares about to take care of themselves, to the point where he goes off about how important taking care of your body is like every other week or so and epel (a firm believer in 2-in-1 shampoo) is sick of it

-idia fnaf fan so true!!

-also had a big undertale phase, he knows the underverse by heart. Ask him about disbelief papyrus of swapfell sans I dare you

-he's also a reddit mod but on anime related subreddits, and he's VERY serious about spoiler warnings. Truly someone who believes that a show is ruined when it's spoiled

-deuce's hair is crazy damaged from all the bleaching he did back in the day

-on twitter cater acts like a celeb but he has like a 50 followers and 3 mutuals. He also absolutely misuses the "this tweet doing numbers" meme it's so annoying (i mean this in the most loving way)

-leona thinks he's above social media and especially hates tiktok. Ruggie always calls him an old man

-ruggie really likes collecting shiny or colourful stuff, he just thinks it's neat

-idia has like a super popular 600 k words fic on ao3 that he wrote when he was 13 and never finished, and he still gets comments on jt. It is shameless self-insert starring his favourite character as the protagonist basically living out his dream life and was a major outlet for all the grief he was experiencing and a fair bit of teen angst. He hasn't updated it in years and stopped writing during the big conclusion of the arc, and still feels shame for not finishing it. Still he can't bear to go back to the fic

-Lilia is the sort of person you pass everywhere but is nowhere to be found when you actually need him for smt. Like he'll be in places where he doesn't need to be but when you're doing a group project with him you literally cannot find him

-lilia also LOVESSS correcting teachers/store employees, he gets such a rush out of it. Like he'll ask things just to correct people. Silver feels so bad for the poor person on the receiving end and always whispers an apology

-cater knows too many old tumblr memes, he uses "It's fucking wimdy" daily and it drives riddle insane. Definitely someone to overuse memes in general.

-idia has a love hate relationship with dating simulators cuz he hates picking wrong dialogue options. The embarrassment is too much for him. This is why he can't stand most dramas. Plots that center around misunderstandings and shit just make him cringe so hard he covers his ears not to hear the dialogue

[romaniangothic]

oc profile

thank u @vronism for the tag ^^ gonna tag @takeoutnight @ranishoo @spud1234556 @saevus-brutalis @gothgaycowboy

if u did ur v i might as well do mine cus if i don't write down my thoughts ill just forget em 💀

tws for mentions of suicide/overdosing/selfharm/child abuse

General

Name: Axel V. Graves (yes, the V stands for something. no, he won't tell)

Alias(es): grim reaper (unwillingly), ax or axe, smartass/idiot/asshole etc etc (by both johnny and kerry lmao)

Gender: nonbinary trans man (he/they)

Age: 47 as of 2077

Birthdate: 10th june 2030

Place of birth: Night City

Hometown: Night City. he can't stay away from this place

Spoken languages: native in english but also knows enough japanese to hold somewhat of a conversation. some russian he picked from his dad, too

Sexual preference: gay (possibly demisexual? he only realizes it now 💀)

Occupation: petty thief (2046-2053), backstage tech dude? idk (2053-2055) merc but mostly a hitman (2056-2075), guitarist for some indie band (Atlanta, 2075-2077) merc again (2077-2078), idk, maybe he'll go back to doing music stuff. maybe with kerry this time 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 (2078-??????)

Appearance

Eye colour: used to have brown eyes but he has mods in them now. he now has all black scleras with yellow irises and slit pupils (basically just freaky cat eyes)

Hair colour: naturally black. he's greying in 2077 but he dyes it so you wouldn't really know

Height: 6'4 / 193 cm

Scars: bunch of sh scars that were mostly covered by either chrome or tattoos. some he either got in brawls or when he was a dumbass teen

Favourite

Colour: mostly darker colors (reds and stuff maybe?)

Hair colour: just his natural one, he never really had others. (definitely doesn't like his white hair but he does think it looks hot on a certain someone)

Song: black holes (solid ground) by the blue stones (not really a favorite song, just the song i associate with him the most. he has a whole playlist actually)

Food: he's not really picky but he does have a thing for sweets (is that technically food? no)

Drink: just inject coffee straight into his veins, that'd be fine

Have They…

Passed university: never even finished middle school

Gotten pregnant: no, and he'd rather keep it that away so he definitely had surgery/mods for it as soon as he could (or whatever they do in the future)

Kissed a boy: too many

Kissed a girl: once or twice when he was a teen

Gotten tattoos: a whole bunch of em (i'm designing them rn and weeping)

Been in love: yep (derogatory)

Stayed up for more than 24 hours: he doesn't believe in sleep

Are They…

A virgin: nope and that's all i'm saying on nsfw stuff 💀. man's a bigger whore than johnny, im sure of it

A cuddler: only sometimes. he's pretty touch averse

A kisser: yeah but mostly on knuckles/cheeks/neck places like that. likes giving more than receiving tbh

Scared easily: can't afford to be in his line of business. there Are certain things that'll get to him tho 👁

Jealous easily: if there's enough communication, no

In love: yes, much to his dismay

Single: yes and no. he complicates things with both kerry and johnny for absolutely no reason 🤧

Random Questions (TW: Self harm/suicide mention)

Have they harmed themselves: yes and he still does. he'd rather not talk about it

Thought of suicide: all his life (he gets better i promise)

Attempted suicide: definitely more than once. first one was probably at 12 or something like that. latest one was around 2077-2078

Wanted to kill someone: yes and has. will do it again most likely

Have/had a job: way too many to count tbh

Have any fears: people he cares about getting hurt because of him. sharp knife-like objects as well

Family

Sibling(s): he was an only child

Parent(s): i never thought about naming them even though they're big parts of the reason axel is the way he is today 💀 his mom that died of a drug overdose when he was pretty young and his piece of shit dad that he killed at 13

Children: absolutely not. he's too scared of becoming like his dad

Significant other: kerry (affectionate) and johnny (derogatory)

Pet(s): Nibbles the cat my beloved (he wanted to call the cat johnny but human johnny didn't appreciate it too much)

[dailytechnologynews]

Is there really not a perfect 11.5-13.5" Windows tablet choice?!

Hello guys. For the past week i've been researching to find the perfect windows tablet choice for my specific application need. However it seems there isn't even one device that doesn't have some type of throwback. I'm not asking for everything, but it seems it is either hit or miss, even if you take into account overpriced products. Please hear me out and let me know your thoughts.

I am essentially looking for a WINDOWS TABLET which its primary purpose is to be fitted to my car as a secondary "dash" per say so i can use it to interact with my aftermarket motorsports ecu. It will function as a monitoring dash for the most of the time, but can be used to datalog (aka record data) or for direct tuning (so i don't have to bring my laptop everytime i need to make changes to my engine calibration). I wouldn't mind using it at home as well since i will have it, but mostly will work as a travel/trip companion since i have a PC at home. It has to be a WINDOWS tablet as the software that interfaces with the ecu is only windows based.

After thinking and revising my requirements several times after getting disappointed by what is available here is the break down:

Dimensions: Height needs to be around ~205mm +10mm max so the tablet can be secured in the glove box when not in use. Ideally height should be maximized so that the display area is maximized as well. Length larger than 300mm is not a problem but would get annoying to fit to the car since it will extend more towards the passenger side. This effectively limits me to ~11.8-13.3" tablets, so Microsoft Surface Pro can be used as a reference design (since i haven't seen bezel-less windows tablets yet) Display: This is the most important attribute of the tablet. 1080p absolute minimum resolution, 2K ideally, 3K is probably not gonna be noticeable at the usage distance. Here is a screenshot from my 1080p laptop so you can see the ECU software in datalog mode (slightly cropped but so you can get an idea: http://content.invisioncic.com/r260425/monthly_2017_09/fuel_pressure_link.png.bc827c0a96fe120632f1d7c168e66a64.png However let's not forget brightness and contrast. Brightness should be ~400nits or better for a glossy display, and contrast should be considered over color accuracy. Viewing angle in the length span should be at least 150deg but i think it is hard nowadays to find such a bad display panel. Finally a fully laminated panel is recommended. Physical interfaces: I essentially need a single full size USB port so i can connect my ECU to the tablet. After my research i decided to allow for USB-C assuming that i can get a dongle that will allow me to interface without any issues; but it's best not to allow for that route due to possible incompatibility issues (like what happened when usb3.0 was released). Extra USB ports, USB-C that allows charging and data, video output port, headphone jack, m.2 expansion slot, sd card slot are all pluses. Wireless interfaces: Min wifi and bluetooth. 802.11AC and bluetooth v4.2 or better all pluses. CPU/GPU performance: Generally something better than N3450 (tested my brother's CHUWI surbook mini) and more recent will help, GPU performance is irrelevant for the task so the majority of intergrated GPU's will do fine. RAM: 4GB absolute minimum, 8gb ideal Cooling: I prefer passive cooling, but usually the cooling solution used is sh*t. At least in some cases it can be modded (i'm experienced and willing to do) Battery: 4 hours light use with full display brightness as minimum. If charging is performed over USB-C i hope it is not the stupid kind of power->battery->device like in phones and can work like in laptops where the battery is not used when power is supplied to the laptop. This way you don't wear out the battery since the device will be connected to power most of the time it is operated. Storage: 64gb absolute min, ideal min should be 128gb, speed is relative but i think at least m.2 sata interface ssd; NVME huge + Others: Pen support and attachable keyboard are pluses, but i plan on using a good bluetooth keyboard with backlight (required) so it makes them irrelevant if the tablet is good, Thunderbolt 3 is a +, unlocked bios +, kickstand should work on a lap without cutting your pants off and stay in one place, sd card reader + Reliability: From what i read most chinese tablets are pretty bad with both hardware and software issues out of the box. Backcover should be metal to act as heatsink and be stiff enough, weight and thickness is not that important Condition: New or used. I believe some products offer better value when bought used and others because have been discontinued Pricing: My budget is flexible but depending on the features lots of them are overpriced especially bought new. I would say ~500eur for a new tablet with min features required and 1000eur for one with better hardware. Considering i'm building a 7nm PC in a couple of months the market pricing is really unacceptable for most windows tablets. Blame Apple for it, but i'm not a rich consumer neither i am a sheep. Performance to value is what i always look for.

I literally checked every windows tablet and 2-in-1 i believe. Here some potential picks and what i didn't like.

Microsoft Surface Pro (4 - 5 - 6): At first glance it is a good base candidate..but..really Microsoft? It's 2019 and no USB-C? Proprietary connector and overpriced hardware? Questionable reliability? Get the f*ck out of here. Unless you find a good used deal i don't think it would be worth it. Another Apple wannabe. Eve-tech EVE V: This is one tablet that hits all the boxes, kinda, since by now it is almost obsolete in terms of CPU performance..sadly while i'm greek-cypriot i would go with the stereotypical view for greeks because the CEO is a "malakas" and i'm really sorry to all the people that were scammed. On the other hand i believe there is some truth to the Paypal issues he had since my friend had similar issues (because of not much experience) and even I couldn't help him get them fixed as Paypal is run by assholes as well which need a punch to the face (their excuse it is the system and they can't do anything about it - like wtf). I still use it but the time a different payment system reaches similar adoption i would gladly switch. Chuwi Surbook: Slow CPU, screen is not fully laminated, mediocre specs but was good price at some time ago. Maybe the announced "surbook pro" would fair better? Voyo Vbook i5/i7 Plus: Nice screen, fair pricing? Not the most quality build, shitty battery, i7 model throttles? Teclast X6 Pro: A slightly better vbook i5? No full detailed reviews yet, and i wasn't that impressed from the previous X5 review Alldocube Knote 8: Seems good on paper, but no type-A usb ports Jumper EZpad 6: Possibly the only windows tablet in stock with a good value, however i need something with a better and larger display Acer Switch 3/5: Mediocre screens, single type-A port on the right side (since my car is RHD and the ecu is on the left side i would prefer it on the left side), shitty battery performance, a little overpriced Dell XPS 12 9290/Latitude 5290/Latitude 7285: Great displays, powerful, only 5290 has type-A port, mediocre battery life, overpriced but there are good used deals Asus Transformer 3 Pro T303UA/T304UA: Premium specs but discontinued, expensive, only 1 type-A port and it is on the right side (again), T304 is a huge step backwards even though newer (what the heck Asus, are you drunk?) Lenovo ThinkPad X1: Overpriced, no type-A ports, Gen3 is too big and has display coating issues, Gen2 is more suitable due to size and type-a interface but older and screen brightness not that good - all too tall Lenovo MIIX series: new 630 uses an ARM processor so no go (since i can't force the software developpers to re-compile), 720 rates very high in the features i need, 2 usb type-A ports, nice display, etc. 520 is a little newer with weaker hardware but still good for its price HP Pro X2/Envy X2/Elite X2 1012: HP's other offerings like the Elite X2 1013 are too tall for my needs, and while they have good displays and good build quality i am not font of their design decisions. I have a Zbook 17 G5 workstation at work we bought new and not even 6 months passed and the CPU fan now rattles like crazy..here's my 1st day rant about it: https://h30434.www3.hp.com/t5/Notebook-Hardware-and-Upgrade-Questions/Note-to-HP-Zbook-17-G5-design-engineers-Please-read-and/td-p/6914797 Also they are overpriced like crazy. I wouldn't ever think of buying again from them. Also the power supply is proprietary as some of the internal hardware. F*ck HP Huawei MateBook E: Aside the lack of ports it is a pretty good designed device, display is perfect but slightly smaller than the biggest i can fit - depending on price it might be a good consideration assuming i can run a USB-C dock i can charge within the car Samsung Galaxy Book 12: Similar to the Huawei above, just a little faster but with a worse display, extra usb-C port. Older and more expensive than the Huawei Toshiba Portege X30T and others: Ports are on the keyboard and not on the tablet, won't work for me.

I think i've covered 99% of the options but i may could have missed 1 or 2. To be honest i won't need this tablet for another 3-6months i would guess but at least i've done my research so i will be prepared when the time comes to buy one. What do you think? I know i went a little crazy but i'm that type of person that never regrets his purchasing choices because i don't buy blindly.

[danganronpa3imagines]

Why hello Mod kaede! Really excited to do this ask! Every you should follow @dangan-your-ronpa-imagines the writing there is amazing! Also right as you requested this I was reading your imagines. Now let's get to that sweet angst! ~ Mod Ibuki

Sonosuke Izayoi

A few hours ago you were waiting for Makoto Naegi to come and pay for his crimes but that all took a turn after that stupid bear plushie came on the screen. Now here you were, walking with Izayoi while this killing game went on. It was absolutely sickening. Two people already died and Izayoi or me could be next. I was shaking of fear. I can't handle situations like this. We were forced to do this? Who would ever think of orchestrating this!? I felt a hand come around my waist. I look up to see Izayoi smiling softly at me.

"Don't worry Y/N, I'll protect you." Izayoi said. I felt all my fears wash away in an instant. Izayoi was extremely protective over me. Izayoi could defeat any obstacle in our path. I look down at my NG code. We only had a few minutes left.

"Izayoi, maybe we should find a safe place to stay before we pass out." I say and Izayoi nodded. We quickly went into a room and blocked the door so no one can get it. Izayoi and I silently sat down. Izayoi grabbed my hand and put it on his lap. I send Izayoi a big smile. I began to feel quite sleepy. I was trying to force myself to wake but it was no use as I was surrounded by darkness.

I felt my eyes open once more and I thought I made it. I went to go get Izayoi until I realized he was still sleeping. I quickly check my NG code and realized there was still time left. I got extremely nervous. I don't know what to do. I started to shake until I heard a video go on. I slowly turn my head to see that goddamn bear. The bear started talking and my heart just started to beat heavier and heavier, before I knew it another strange video started playing. I couldn't think. All I could see was Izayoi dying a horrible death by Ruruka, one of Izayoi best friends.

"No...No! NO!" I scream. I started to scream even more until I saw something fall to the floor. I needed to die! I needed to be with Izayoi! I hurried over to the weapon and pick it up. I started stabbing myself in every place I could. All I could think about is Izayoi. I needed to be with him! I kept on screaming and laughing until I felt numbness and fell to the floor.

Izayoi pov

My eyes slowing open to adjust to the room. I sighed and got up. I made it but as I turned around to see Y/N...I couldn't process it. There she was on the ground covered in stab wounds. I felt tears slowly fall down my face. I run over to her and put the palm of her hand on my face.

"Y/N...." I said as I felt tears fall even more around my face. I couldn't protect her. Then I remember my forbidden action. I take a piece of candy that Ruruka gave me and put it in my mouth. I started to feel pain in my arm, the pain slowly started to reach my upper arm and head.

"Don't...worr..y....I'm....comi...ng"

Koichi Kizakura

Me and Koichi were holding hands as we stayed in a room with Kyoko, Ryota and Ruruka Koichi would re assure me every few minutes that everything will be okay. Of course I believed him. Koichi was the only one who could keep me happy and hopeful during this despair filled game. Nothing bad has really happen to us...yet. I feel like my luck on life is slowing running out. I just could sense danger. I felt like at least something bad was going to happen to one of us.

"Hey Y/N....I'm thinkin' once we get out of here, let's get married." Koichi said giving me a wink. I pushed him in a playful manner. I made sure not to push him to hard though as there may be traps still around here. I was about to say something until Ruruka fell down.

"Ah! Ruruka! Are you alright?" I walked towards and lend out my hand. Ruruka nodded and grab my hand. As I helped her up, Koichi started saying how she did this on purpose. I was silently listening to Koichi, memorize by every word he spoke untik the doors opening quickly took me out of thought.

"Huh?!" I say jumping a bit. It was Juzo. Juzo was very scary man. I backed up a bit as Jozu started to speak. Koichi quickly tried coming to my side but before he could, Jozu made him fall to the ground

"Koichi!" I started to run towards him but I didn't make it as Jozu gave me the same treatment as he did to Koichi. Jozu did the same to Ryota, Kyoko and Ruruka. I watched as Koichi threw a book at Juzo. I was surprised at Koichi sudden found strength to get up. I slowly got up as well, I watched Koichi and Juzo talk back and forth. Juzo started to run at Koichi with a knife but I couldn't let that happen. I quickly ran to block Koichi from Juzo attack until I stepped on something. I felt something large go straight threw my chest as I was pinned to the wall. I felt very dizzy.

"Y/N!" Koichi said pushing past Juzo to come toward me. Huh....so....this it what it despair feels like. Watching the world around you go by in slow motion as I loose my breathe. I will never be able to kiss Koichi ever again or hug him or...

I started to cry as my eyes started to shut. I felt one arm hug me. With all my last strength I turn to see Koichi crying. I flash him a tiny smile as I fell into darkness.

Great Gozu

I felt really bad for Gozu. Gozu lost one of his good friends Bandai. I mean Juzo didn't mean to 'kill' Bandai but it happened. I quickly check my NG code and it said 'Dont let anyone attack Gozu' This made me nervous. Instead of Gozu protecting me, I would have to protect him. There's no going back now. It's my duty as Y/N L/N, Gozu S/O to protect him! I will protect him with my life! I looked at Gozu to see how he was holding up. Gozu was very quiet, usually he would be running his mouth about protecting me. I put my hand on Gozu shoulder and smiled

"Bandai in a better place." I say. Gozu looked and me and pulled me into a hug. Gozu may seem scary but he was such a sweet guy once you got to know him. I hug Gozu back. I just wished me and Gozu we're back at our house cuddling, but that's not going to happen any time soon. We both let go much to our displeasure.

We watch as Kyosuke asked everyone to point to who's the Mastermind behind this. Me and Koichi both pointed at Miaya but Gozu didn't point at anyone.

"Then it's settled." Kyosuke said. Right then and there Juzo went to attack makoto but Gozu went to stop him.

"NO!" I scream reaching my arm out to Gozu but Juzo attacked him. It didn't matter if Juzo didn't even leave a mark, He still attacked Gozu. I started to read up!

"No..." I say as my hand started to turn purple. Gozu saw what happen and ran towards me. I was hugging myself as I felt a pain go up my arm. This was horrible. Gozu quickly pulled me into a tight hug. At least I was going to die in the arms of the person I love.

"I...Love...you.." I said kissing his mask. I could feel the tension in the air as I died.

Kyosuke Munakata

Despair filled this whole building. Everyone here was coated with a layer of despair. That's what Kyosuke told me. I believed every word of it. Makoto Naegi, the one who started this. I will make sure I murder him when I get the chance. For my love Kyosuke I will do anything even if it means killing someone. I open another door for Kyosuke so he doesn't waste his energy on stupid tasks like opening doors. We were walking until we spotted Makoto, Miaya and Aoi. Oh this will be good. I get out my knifes ready to fight. This will be easy, someone who is in a wheelchair, I know for a fact Makoto can't fight and I can easily take down Aoi.

"I got Aoi!" I started running towards her. Aoi was ready for me though. Aoi kept on dodging every one of my attacks. Out of the corner of my eye I see Kyosuke slice off Miaya head. I jump back to where he was to make sure he was okay. Kyosuke has been very quiet lately...I wonder if it's because of Chisa? Kyosuke was about to attack Makoto until I hear the sound of moving behind us. I turn around to see Miaya put her head on with her scarf.

"Huh! But how?-" I say but I was Immediately cut off by Kyosuke.

"Stay back." Kyosuke said in a stren voice. I was nervous for him. Yes Kyosuke was strong but was he strong enough to defeat a robot that cab easily put themselves back together! I watched as Kyosuke dodged every bullet send towards his way. I stood there in awe. Watching him fight for life was amazing. Right as Kyosuke finish her off, one last bullet came right to my face. The Impact was so strong it knock me down. Instead of running towards me, I watched as Kyosuke slowing just walked towards me. It's like he didn't even care at all. I felt blood drip down my face as I lay there, breathing heavily and staring at Kyosuke. Kyosuke didn't even walk to my body, he walked past it. Despair. This is despair. I can't believe this just happened. Was our whole relationship a lie? Was I just used? I never will get these questions answered though. My eyes finally shut ending any train of thought.

[hsj-scenarios]

heyo, lately i've been suffering awful depressions that cause me insomnia and tiredness at once. i always feel the need to cry and i am just so tired of everything ... mostly depressed because of my looks. sometimes it just happens to me that i just skip school or try to avoid going outside or i hide my face in public places.. is there something you could write about best? something like helping their girlfriends deal with this.. i don't know i can't write prompts or anything.. hahaha sorry

Title: He just held you closer. Pairing/Relationship: All members x ReaderRating: GWarnings: Depression, self-image issuesGenre: Hurt/ComfortType: Oneshot 

Dearest Nonnie-chan–I FEEL YOU. We are together on a deeply spiritual level here–not even joking! I am so sorry you struggle with these feelings. I wanted to send you encouragement through this story. I hope you feel my love through the words, and I hope you know that I really do believe this. Every word, everything I wrote–I believe our boys would be this way.

Love you always and forever!!! 

Mod J

Please note:

I wrote this story a little differently than normal. I intended to write a story for each of the members, however, as I wrote it, I realized there REALLY were only a few parts of the story that would be different for each member. I wrote the story to fit ALL of the members because I sincerely think it does! After the story, I provide headcanons for what I think would be unique to each member in this situation. 

BONUS:

I did the members of 7 as well! MMMWAH!

The knock was becoming louder and you couldn’t seem to lift your head off the couch. You heard the key slip into the lock, and pushed your face into the pillow, because you certainly didn’t want to see anyone today, but you most certainly did not want to see him today.

You heard the door open, his whispered voice as he didn’t want to step inside and scare you, “Baby? You here?”

“No,” you called out, pulling the blankets over your head and feeling a deep pain roll across you that he was in the room with you. You felt your eyes sting with tears, taking a shuddering breath as you drew up into yourself, curling into a ball.

He moved into the room, the door clicking closed behind him, and part of you wished, or perhaps thought it would be right, that he would just leave, just go and leave you alone. You didn’t want to make him sad, you didn’t want to make anyone sad–you just needed to be still and not try to interact because you just weren’t humaning very good these days.

You heard him shuffle over to the couch, making noise so he wouldn’t startle you. You could see through the knit blanket the way he approached you. Slowly, cautiously, like he was walking toward a caged animal–and you understood, because he had never been around you when you experienced one of your episodes.

It had been something you’d managed to avoid–with his hectic schedule and your own methods of covering up and distractions–but this time, he wouldn’t let your normal excuses fly. This time, you were fairly certain at least, he had been clued into your condition by your mother. You would have words with her later about the level of her treachery, you had bigger things to deal with at the moment.

He moved to you, sitting down on his knees by where he was guessing your head was, and you blinked back tears as you saw the concern on his face, the way he frowned, and his eyes were shaded with worry and a tinge of fear.

I am the worst person ever to make him suffer like this. I should never have given him the key. What was I thinking?

You were thinking no one else lived close to you in case there was an emergency.

I guess–but I didn’t ever want to make him hurt–look at what I am doing to him, he’s so sad and hurt and I did that–you did that!

Don’t worry, he’ll see you like this and that will be that, won’t it?

Yes, I guess that’s true, he’ll leave me for sure once he realizes how messed up and fragile and stupid I am.

Probably.

Definitely.

That’s the least of what you deserve! Honestly, I have no idea what he ever saw in me in the first place–maybe it was just being charitable because he’s such a nice guy–and you’ve been waiting to mess this up all along because it never fit. 

You never fit with him. He’s an idol for goodness sake, he’s beautiful and perfect and has the best personality and I am like a rock, a lump of ugly next to him. 

You never deserved him. Not for a second. He should be with someone who equals him.

Nope, never deserved him. I don’t deserve anyone or anything ever at…

Your self castigation was interrupted when you heard him take a deep breath, leaning forward, his hand moving to lay on your shoulder, his fingers flexing softly as he shifted, his voice soft, “Hey…”

You didn’t try to speak, you hadn’t spoken out loud in days, you weren’t even sure that you remembered what your own voice sounded like at this point, so you just hummed, but it was a sad sound, a sound meant to cast him off, push him away, but he didn’t move, he just blinked, and then he shifted closer.

And then, he was covering you, his entire upper body was pressing against you, his arms wrapping around you to hold you against his chest, his head buried against your neck and your entire body stiffened, you held your breath, every system seeming to lock up.

You groaned, it felt like your bones were going to snap, it felt like the weight of him was going to break you into pieces, and he turned his head, his mouth near your ear and his words were soft, “It’s okay. I’m here. You’re not alone.”

Your eyes clenched shut and you couldn’t breath, and yet, his words continued, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier. I was working, but I sent you so many messages, and you didn’t answer. I was scared.”

He took a deep breath, “I called your Mom. I know that’s not cool. I know…I’m sorry. I was just…so worried.”

You shifted, turning your face away from him, as if he could actually see you, even though he couldn’t.

“I called…so many times…I was…I was just so scared.”

I’m a horrible person. I know he was messaging me and I just ignored them all. 

You want him to go, you want him to leave you.

I never deserved him.

You felt the tears fall, and you couldn’t breath, you didn’t want to, didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to let him see you cry.

“I love you.”

NO!

You pushed him, you reached out and shoved him, and he just moved closer, grabbed you harder, squeezed you tighter.

“I love you.”

Stop it!

You growled, the tears uncontrollable, and you shoved him again, trying to push him away, trying to make him go. He held onto you like his life depended on it.

“I love you!”

You won’t, not if you know!

“Shut up!” your voice was hoarse and rough, you shifted, pushing harder, twisting to get your feet up, and then he pulled back and he jerked the blanket down off your face and you squealed, grabbing a pillow and covering yourself, “Don’t look at me!”

He held you still, his hand coming up to cup your head, drawing you into his chest, holding you as your body shook with emotion, a broken sob escaping as you tried to gather your strength.

“It’s okay, stop trying to hide from me.”

“I-I…you need to go!” You pushed at him, but it was weak, it was a feeble attempt because there was a part of you that was comforted, finding some measure of solace there in his embrace.

You don’t deserve such things! Push him away, make him leave!

You pushed him again, crying harder. 

“Don’t hide from me,” he repeated the words, “I love you. I am not leaving, so stop pushing me away.”

You will leave, when you know the truth! You’ll leave.

“Go!”

His hand moved, stroking your hair, your body shaking as your tears increased, and he didn’t tell you to stop, didn’t try to calm you down.

“Please, just go!”

He just held you closer. 

His voice was soft, laced with feelings, “I want to share something with you…”

You couldn’t stop crying to acknowledge him, but he continued, “I don’t think I ever told you how it was growing up as a Johnny…did I?”

He didn’t wait for you to answer, his voice soft as he continued, “I didn’t exactly fit in. I felt really self conscious about myself. I mean, that’s bound to happen when you’re surrounded by beautiful people I guess…”

You wanted to laugh, wanted to slap him because honestly, how could he be so stupid. He was beautiful, more beautiful than any of them. How could he see himself so wrong, so unclear. 

“Not just about my looks either. I mean I wondered at my ability to sing, because you know that’s pretty terrifying. I wondered if I could dance? Could I be poised? Could I do this? I watched others, and I continually thought that I wasn’t as gifted of a performer or dancer. When I first started, I was kind of lost. I was really lucky to be surrounded by others who helped me, but it didn’t really make me feel any different about myself because when I saw myself, I just still saw a distorted, terrified version of me.”

He sighed, and you took a deep breath, trying to understand what he was saying.

“I mean, I felt this way for a really long time. I was glad to be a Johnny, of course, but there were struggles. It’s a very superficial environment, and it’s easy to get caught up in weird ideas of success and fame and popularity,”

“Sometimes, I was really glad to have people focus their attention on others and not me. But, I mean, that’s stupid, right?”

He laughed but it lacked real humor, “I mean I wanted to be an idol! If you don’t want people to look at you, then you’ve clearly picked the wrong career, but I wanted it. I really did. So, it was all very confusing.”

He squeezed you softly, “I mean…I liked the attention. I liked when people appreciated me, and when they cared, and I started to get fan letters and things–and when fans would cheer, or hold up an uchiwa with my name on it. There’s not a feeling that matches it.”

“But this fear continued to be a part of me–this feeling that I wasn’t all of the things that everyone else was. Someone was always better, always taller or shorter or more athletic, funnier, quieter, sang better, danced better, handled things better, was more popular, more outgoing, more talented. I felt like I was nothing compared to them.”

You pulled back, trying to look at him, hurt by the things he was revealing, your tears heavy, your breath jagged, one word slipping through your lips, “Lies.”

He smiled, it was sad smile, “I believed I was nothing compared to them.”

You shook your head, “Stop, please…”

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” he murmured, leaning forward to kiss your forehead, and then resting it against your own, “I still struggle with those feelings sometimes.”

“W-why?” You couldn’t wrap your mind around it. He was so beautiful, his personality was amazing, and he was such a fun person, so full of light and happiness and child-like joy–how could he see himself as anything other than the amazing guy he is?

He shrugged, “I’m human. It happens.”

You stared at him, your breath caught in your chest as the words settled over you.

“Do you understand?” His hand brushed through your hair, a tentative smile crossing his lips, “You’re human, too. It’s okay to be human. That’s what we have to remember.”

You struggled with the thought, with the understanding, not able to come to terms with it.

“I love you,” he whispered, and you laughed, a broken sob escaping as you shook your head.

“I really do love you,” he spoke the words louder, “It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to struggle, it’s okay to see yourself in a way that is contrary to how others see you.”

“You shouldn’t…”

“I shouldn’t what?”

“Love me.”

“I can’t help it, I love you, it’s a fixed point in my life,” he leaned back from you, forcing you to look into his eyes, “I’m not leaving you, I love you.”

“But why!?” 

The words came out as a deep mournful plea, and you tried to push him away again, your agitation flaring up, and he grabbed your face in both of his hands, not letting you look away, not letting you hide from him, his words firm and concise, “Because you are YOU!”

“I’m nothing! I’m nothing at all, it is crazy for you to love me!”

He shook his head, his thumbs stroking your cheeks as a fresh wave of tears fell, “I’m crazy in love with you, that’s all…you’re perfect, I love every single thing about you.”

He leaned forward, rubbing his nose against your own, “Your eyes are so beautiful, they shine, they radiate joy and happiness and love, I see it in your eyes, and it takes my breath away.”

“Your hair is so soft and silky and smooth, and it shines so bright, when the sun hits it sometimes it seems like it’s got strands of gold in it.”

“Your cheeks are so sweet, they flare bright red when I look at you too long, or when I tell you these things.”

He laughed when your cheeks grew hot under his hands, “Your lips are so soft, so squishy, it’s the reason I can’t stop kissing them!”

You laughed despite yourself, and he smiled, “I could go from head to toe and tell you all of the things I love about you, about your body, about your face, about every facet of you–but it’s not just that, it’s not just how you look, despite me thinking you are the most breathtaking work of art in all of creation–no, it’s more than that…”

You tried to believe him, wanted to believe him, but it was hard to imagine that these words were true, not when you felt the way you were feeling, but he held you still, wouldn’t let you shy away from him, “I love everything about you. I love the way you smile, I love the way you speak your words with such conviction. The way you put your shoes on and tie them. The common, every day things that I notice about you. I love all of those aspects of you. I love how you see the world and how you help others see it.”

He stared at you for a moment, and then he kissed you softly, “You are who you are because you struggle with these feelings. You wouldn’t be you without the pain. I see the truth in you through my own life–these times of darkness are exactly why you shine so brightly the rest of the time.”

You considered this, considered his thoughts, his words, and tilted your head in wonder.

“You are you because you struggle with depression, because you see yourself the way you do,” he kissed you again, drawing back slowly, “…and that’s okay, I wouldn’t tell you to change it, not at all, what I would tell you to do is to listen to what other people say, not just your own voice. It’s easy to think of others as just saying things to be polite, to be nice–but honestly, our world isn’t that good, people aren’t that good.”

You both laughed at that thought, because he wasn’t wrong.

“You also need to believe me.”

You blinked, nodding your head, knowing it was true, knowing that it would probably be the thing you struggled with the most.

“I won’t ever lie to you, not about anything, and most certainly, I wouldn’t lie or mislead you about how much I love you, how much I adore you.”

You pulled him forward into a hug, your arms trembling as you held him, your voice weak, “It’s not simple. I’m not simple. I can’t just turn this off.”

“I know,” he turned his head to kiss the side of your head, “It’s okay, I’m not in a hurry–and I am not leaving, I’m not walking away, I want to be here. I want to take care of you.”

You tilted your head down, burying your face into his neck, humming softly.

“Let me take care of you,” he whispered, “Please.”

“O-okay,” you squeezed him tightly, “but…that might mean some days are like this…and I won’t want you to touch me or talk to me…I mean…the worst days…they are like that…”

“I will just bring you ice cream, and sit on the other side of the couch while we watch your favorite movies,” you could tell he was smiling, “Maybe you’d let me rub your feet, or something at some point.”

“Maybe,” you sighed.

“You won’t have to talk, you won’t have to do anything, and if you want to cry, you can–and if you do want to talk, we can talk all day, all night–and if you want to yell, I’ll let you, if you want to hit things, I’ll hold the pillow–there’s only one thing I won’t let you do.”

You pulled back, your hands wrapping around his neck, into his hair, “What?”

“Believe the lies.”

You tilted your head, taking in the sincerity of his expression, the way love flowed so clearly from his eyes, and you couldn’t help it. Somehow you knew in your heart that all of his words were truth–that he meant what he was saying, and that the words you kept saying to yourself were horrible lies. It was a moment of clarity.

“I will need reminding,” you admitted, cautiously, never having told anyone other than your mom about these feelings, about these thoughts.

“I’ll remind you as many times as you need.”

He leaned forward, kissing you gently, his lips soft and tender on your own, and then he drew back, the smallest amount, his hands holding you close, “I will always be here to remind you.”

You smiled, pulling him back into you, your mind trying to wrap around the way his words were threading through your heart, realizing that he really meant what he was saying. 

He would always be there to remind you.

I can live with that.

Headcanons

Kei:

Kei would reference to a lot of his insecurities of not being as strong in some areas as others. I think he would have liked to be in the back a lot of times. He loved his job, and he loved his group. He would feel like the reason he wasn’t as popular as the others would be because of how he looked mostly. As he grew up, he realized that it was okay to go at your own pace, to find your strengths and admit your weaknesses and ask for help. I think he is a learner, and would watch others to learn how to handle himself.

He would be super squishy, he’d hold you and touch you and want to even just have a pinkie finger on you if he could. He would respect your boundaries when they revealed themselves, but that would just make him all the more clingy and needy when you were back to normal again. He would have a REALLY hard time on days you didn’t want him to touch you admittedly. He’d be fine with you staying in, he’d let you heal at your own pace. 

Kota: 

He would most certainly reference his height and weight, something others might admire, he felt like it often made him stand out in a negative way. That was particularly hard on him when the younger “chibi” idols got so much attention. He knew he had power in his voice, but he would lack confidence in his appearance. As he grew up, he came to appreciate his appearance and height as something that made him stand out instead of blending in–actually embracing it and finding value in it.

He would be very soft and his voice would be nearly child-like. He would want a lot of direct eye contact, and he would also pay attention to other details like what you were eating. He would be very observant, hoping to catch you before you drifted into a dark place. He would be super attentive, and while he wouldn’t let you stay inside all the time, he would only take you to places he knew would not overwhelm you.

Daiki:

He would be all about his height, all about being so short, about being called chibi and about how everyone around him grew to look like men but he just stayed the same, ever a 16 year old version of himself. Of course, as an adult, he values this much differently than he did when he was growing up, but it would most certainly be something that he would have struggled with and sometimes no doubt still does. It would be healing for both of you to talk this through. He would also realized that he needed to pay attention to things. That is also a positive thing.

He would literally crawl onto the couch with you, curl up behind you, and hold you for as long as you’d let him. He’d feed you when you didn’t want to eat, and he’d come up with elaborate disguises for you when you didn’t want to be seen in public but he’d insist that you get out of the house now and again. He would also continue to talk to your mom about this, though he would not lie or mislead you about it.

Hikaru: 

He would not have been super concerned about thing until he reached his teenage years, and then he would have been very self-conscious about his teeth despite always saying it was one of his “charm” points. He would have also felt a little bit of embarrassment that he didn’t grow up in the same environment it seemed like others did and he often felt stupid or undervalued because of it. As he grew up, he realized that it was the things that made him different that made him a good idol. He also realized, as he observed others, that EVERYONE deals with their own insecurities, and it was nice to share those with trusted friends now and again.

He would literally pick you up and hold you in his arms like a child. He would flutter soft kisses and he would give you plenty of time to talk. He would bring you stupid gifts and stuffed animals and things to make you laugh. He would send you video chats when he couldn’t be there, and he would ask you every day to tell him how you were feeling. He would double, triple, quadruple his words, wanting to fill up your mind with good thoughts and emotions about yourself to outweigh the negative. He would also encourage you to do yoga and such, and research natural supplements that might help you heal.

Yuya:

Yuya absolutely had very few issues with his physical appearance, but he struggled in a major way with the way he viewed the world, and his place in it. Despite wanting to be an idol, he often felt like his heart wasn’t in it, something that set him apart in a negative way from the other idols who seemed to be all in all of the time. He would have went back and forth with his value as an entertainer, as a member of Jump, and thought about quitting  A LOT. As he grew up, he realized that there are stages of life, and while he’s young it’s good to take hold of the things that you can do while you’re young–and that there will be time for all of the adventures he could find.

He would force you back so he could hold you closely right there on the couch. Moving forward he would write you a note every day, and he would insist that you write him back, no matter how busy you two were. He would pay close attention to you and your habits, making note of what you were eating, how much you were exercising an such to see if any of those things were effecting your mood. He would be ridiculously patient, and would never force you out of the house.

BONUS: 7

Keito:

No one could have struggled with more insecurities than this precious soul. He would reveal them all, he’d spend three or four days telling you every single thought he’d ever had, and he would cry with you, he’d sob and hold you and between the two of you eventually you’d both agree that you both needed to fix the way you viewed yourselves and you also would promise to remind one another daily as he still struggles sometimes with this very issue.

He would not mind if you only left your house to come to his. He would, at least for a time, want to be with you 24/7 and would be as long as he could. He would bring you magazines and books to read, and he would also engage you into shows and programs he enjoyed. More than anything he would share his extensive love for music by sending you a new song every single day to cheer you up.

Yuri:

He would of course reveal the undeniable truth that he struggles with insecurities and fears even though he always presents himself as the opposite. He would tell you how self-conscious he is, how he doesn’t want to be near people and it makes him incredibly worried. How he works himself into a frenzy of anticipation and fear when he has to do anything without another member of Jump with him. How he feel so awkward and uncomfortable on sets of shows and programs and interviews and how the only thing that calms him down now that he’s grown up is YOU.

He would drag you out of the house, not forcing you around a lot of people but taking you to the park, to the zoo, to the beach. He’d tell you sunshine and movement would help you. He’d plan picnics in the spring, and he’d take you ice skating in the winter. He’d be very affectionate, and most of the healing that would happen between the two of you would be literal silence.

Yuto:

Oh gosh, let’s be honest, he’s got his own encyclopedia of issues without a doubt, all of which he would reveal to you very openly, honestly, and freely. He’d be very proactive in helping you, researching and studying all aspects of depression and determining ways that he could help you. He would be very attentive to you, but he also would refuse to become a crutch. He’d want you to stand on your own two feet, and so he’d be very careful with how he handled your emotions so that your healing would come from inside you and not from him. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just different than most.

He would be very soft to you, his words and manners would be very gentle, but at the same time, he’d have times where he’d just stare at you like you were crazy and tell you to snap out of it. Not in a mean or degrading or negative way, but just in the way of saying “I’m right here, I’m listening, stop feeling like you’re alone!”

Ryosuke:

Ah, our Ace, the boy who seems to have it all. He struggles with enough insecurities and self-hatred for the entire world. He would readily admit to you all of his flaws, and once he’d had you furious with how stupid he was to see himself so clearly, he would quite literally point at you and say “Pot meet Kettle!”* The two of you would be committed to saying one thing you liked about yourselves to the other every day, and if either of you said something negative about yourself then you’d have to say three things that you loved about yourself, no exceptions. He would write notes to you of encouragement, and would send you cute things all the time as a surprise, but all of them would always be related to something you’d discussed in one way or another. He would always include a note explaining how the gift applied to the topic. 

Lord, he would be like a human blanket 24/7. He would be very affectionate. At the same time, on the days when you didn’t want to be touched, he would have deep respect for that, and settle for feeding you your favorite foods or treats that he made for you. He would constantly be coming up with new ways to make you smile, new ways to make sure you knew how much he loves you, and more than anything, he’d be very proactive in helping you find hobbies, activities, and such that would promote a happy, whole feeling in you. He would also encourage you to go to counseling, AND to take meds if necessary. He would remind you daily if you’ve taken them, and he would drive you to your appointments. He would be careful to not push you, but he would also be very clear that your well-being is intricately entwined with his own, and when you don’t take care of you, it hurts him. You would obviously be more than clear that this was a two-way street.

*I realize this might be an American idiom which others may not understand. The meaning of the phrase is said to have come from lots of sources, but the one I trust the most is from an early issue of St. Nicholas Magazine from 1876:

"Oho!" said the pot to the kettle;"You are dirty and ugly and black!Sure no one would think you were metal,Except when you're given a crack."

"Not so! not so!" kettle said to the pot;"'Tis your own dirty image you see;For I am so clean – without blemish or blot –That your blackness is mirrored in me.

It is literally referring to the fact that the person who is pointing out the reason others were wrong or broken in their way of thinking is just as guilty of the same flawed thought process.

[mysynthfetish]

Um, Yeah.

Well it's damn near March already. What the hell? Where does the time go?

The whole world is in a huff about COVID-19, and here in Japan too, obviously, but people are in full-on freakout mode. First thing they did was go on a panic-buying-spree of masks, like surgical masks, you know, the ones everyone here wears when it's either flu or hay fever season. So, there's a shortage of masks now. "ONE BOX PER CUSTOMER!!" signs at the shops with any remaining stock. For me, the funniest thing is that masks do not prevent the wearer from catching a virus. The seal around the face is not perfect, so guess what, shit don't work. Unless you strap on a military grade chemical warfare motherfucker of a mask, like with the filter cans and shit? Nope. I mean, even the homepage of the WHO where you can find a coronavirus FAQ says so ("BUT THE WHO IS CONTROLLED BY THE UN AND THEY'RE SECRETLY OUT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD SO YOU CAN'T TRUST THAT!!!!" yeah yeah yeah. Shame. On. You). But nahhhh who cares about actually using your head and thinking about how viruses spread. See, the masks work (sorta) when worn by people already infected, as they trap most of the fun stuff ejected by a sneeze or a cough. Not all of it. We can still hope for some fun to be shared among the general populace can we not? Ahhh but it's easier to be a total idiot and follow the herd mentality and panic-buy useless shit. Then there was the fiasco with the cruise ship and not letting passengers disembark, and then it turns out a number were let off without having to go through screening, but the Chinese are still being confined to quarters blah blah blah. Jeeezus Fucking Christ EVERYTHING is made in China anyway, from rubber dog shit to the (probably) fake ICs in your military hardware to your beloved smartphones and related devices, shit, even the incessant machine-diarrhea geyser of clone synths too, so what the hell is the big deal about a potentially pandemic-level megavirus every few years? Chinavirus. Next in the ongoing series. Personally, I don't really care where the viruses originate, and to tell the truth, I get a warm feeling inside when people lose their shit over stuff like this, and even warmer when the death toll rises and rises. Can't think of a better species to get a good culling than the old homo sapiens. Heh. Mister Misanthrope at your service! But anyway.....

Found this ancient beast sitting forgotten and forlorn in a closet at work. It's a Luxman 38FD "High Fidelity Stereo Integrated Amplifier" made around 1970 (like me!). It is in near fucking mint condition. HEAVY. AS. FUCK. And the winningest part of the whole thing besides it being destined for the Big Garbage pile and as a result free for the taking? IT WORKS. Oh, and even better...

IT'S A VACUUM TUBE AMP!!! Those are the main tubes, 50CA10, pretty much but not totally unobtanium. Yeah, they fucking glow a warm orangey red, and after a bit you can see blue vapor inside. Well, if you turn off all the lights and take the top cover off. It runs hot as fuck too. I was just shocked the thing worked. It's sitting comfortably atop the desk in the lair, where you'd normally park a printer, with a pair of Yamaha NS-100X speakers on risers above it. Sounds great. There's considerably more noise (hiss?) than a modern amp, but with the volume knob raised to about 10 o'clock, it's already loud enough that the hiss isn't even a consideration anymore, and any louder would be asking for trouble with the neighbors. I can't believe it because the amp is supposed to be a mere 30 watts per channel. I guess 30 watts from vacuum tubes is a hell of a lot different from even triple that from a modern amp. LOUD!!! So yay me.

Oh and speaking of viruses....

I was watching this one on the auction for about a month and a half. The opening bid started out at around $1700 but nobody bid, and the auction ended, and one option here on the yahoo auction is for an automatic re-listing with the opening bid discounted by a certain percent. I watched for a while, then just when I'd forgotten about it, it came up in the look-at-me feed and the price was down to a grand so I bid on it and won. I had one of these before and regretted selling it, thus the TI Polar in my arsenal now, but the 61-key TI has THE BEST keys ever. Feels so good to play. Fatar! I thought yeah ok I'll just say see ya to the Polar and call it even. But... Hmm... Wait... One thing led to another and in the end I decided to keep both the viruses and... and...... and...... sell the ION. Say WHAT?!?! After all the work and repairs and maintenance and customizing LEDs and and and and.... Yeah. It's a hell of a synth, no doubt about it, but I think anything with the Alesis logo on it has a very definite shelf-life. The pots are gonna go, a few are acting up already, and those are unobtanium unless you wanna shell out the dosh and buy from syntaur. You can't get NOS pots either. So... After some serious deep-thinking and careful consideration and deliberation I had to say to myself, "self, it's a wonderful machine capable of some great sounds, but it's only 8-voice polyphonic, there are barely any effects to mention, ok sure the mod matrix and plethora of filter models and waveshaping are fantastic, but you know how ridiculously MORE powerful the Virus TI is almost every respect!" And I admitted defeat. To myself. Weird, I know. But there you go. I don't think I know anyone with two Virus TI (or TI2) synths in their collection. Maybe Anthony Rother. I know he has two IONs. 

Ahhhh but this 61-key virus wasn't without problems. Uh, well, OK one BIG problem. The power supply shat itself when I turned it on for the first time. The LCD sorta flashed, there was a brief sign of life with some of the LEDs, but then blip! Nothing. Aaaaargh! Unseat the power cable, reseat it, try again. Nothing, just a high-pitched whine that was getting louder. I put my head up against the front panel, listening for where the whine was coming from, and figured out it was the far right side. That's where the PSU is. Then suddenly the sound changed to a higher pitch that swept downwards over the course of a few seconds, all the while sputtering like it had a downward sawtooth filter on it, then POP! No more sound. When I opened the case up, I immediately remembered that for whatever reason, Access decided to go with a PSU like you'd use with a laptop computer, the big brick-like deals, and that they'd carefully bracketed the brick in so that the eyeglass-socket for the plug lined up with the hole in the rear panel. OK so all I needed to do was find a same-rating PSU and then go about modding the bracket so cosmetically it would look from-the-factory. Incidentally, I contacted Access and asked about parts, but the rep said they don't have any more PSUs for the TI series, only ones for the TI2 series, and that they aren't the same size so when they do the repair, they put a DC jack on the rear panel and the PSU gets left out—goes from internal to external if you catch my drift. Well, no thank you, I do not care for that approach, no sir, I didn't wanna go that route at all. So, thanks to having access to a drill press and diamond-saw dremel tools at work, I made the necessary mods to the bracket, padded it a bit so it would securely hold the new PSU in place, and in the end you can't tell it isn't a factory PSU (from the outside). Yay me, part two.

This is the bracket, post choppy-grindy. Yeah so I "secured" the cabling with Scotch 33+... Hey, from the factory it was held down with hot glue!

Yeah that's where it attached to the PCB. CHEEKY!!!!!!!

Not bad, right? You'd never know. But I've told you, so now you know. Oh and the PSU was $22 from a local parts chain (Marutsu). I think Access wants about $50 but I think that includes free shipping anywhere in the world. I'm just glad it's working fine now.

Other goings on... I've sold the Timeline and Space pedals, and used part of the proceeds to pick up a Sony DPS-D7 delay and a DPS-R7 reverb to use in their place. But the D7 had a wonky input knob that actually broke off in my fucking hand the second time I went to use it. That pot is super unobtanium, so I thought I'd just epoxy the broke-off-bit and not worry about separately controlling the input levels for the L and R channels (does anyone even DO that?)... Here's the pot.

Even after it was epoxied back together, it was fucking bent as fuck. Red line shows the angle, blue arrow shows where the epoxy ghetto fix went down. I saw another D7 listed as-is for $10 and nobody bid so I won it, and I had intended to just cannibalize the pot, but it turns out that it has a newer OS and it works fucking fine, so that was kind of a head-scratcher. People are weird. This delay is stupid deep. There's a multi-tap algorithm that has like 40 separately programmable taps, each with its own level, pan, feedback, and all that. The reverb (R7) is just as insane with parameters... Dudes, and dudettes, seriously, you need some deep-sea rated scuba gear to really get to grips with these Sony DPS motherfuckers. DEEEEEEEEEEEP AS FUCK. I've owned these before too. Had the F7 Filter too. That thing had a 40-band vocoder and a multi-part digital drum synth in it!? Man I think the engineers at Sony had access to some GOOD drugs back when they were working on this line of effects processors. Seriously. I mean, I love programming, but even I was intimidated by the sheer amount of programmability in these things. The ones I had before were a bit noisy, but these aren't at all. Strange. Fun shit though. Oh and there's this:

Ah fuck, looks a bit out of focus. That right there is a TOA DE-1000 delay. Rare as shit, and this one is in NEW condition. Insane! I've had this one on my radar for a while. Why? Because it's fucking WEIRD!!!! So the max delay time is 255ms or something really not that long at all, but you've got three to control: Left, Center and Right. Individual times (LEDs) and levels (white sliders), plus global wet/dry and feedback, AND modulation time and depth sliders. SLIDERS!!?? Ok it only has four memory slots, and no MIDI, but you can get up to some good mischief with this thing. Last two goodies to blab about:

Top: SONICWARE ELZ_1. What a weirdo synth. I heard that it's a raspberry pi under the hood but really? Who cares. It can do some off the wall shit. A handful of wacky synth engines, topped off by four effects processors at the end. And it has a speaker. My only complaint is no DIN MIDI, just USB and you have to buy a class compliant dealie. I suppose I should do so before I forget. Sounds pretty damn good though, and it does things that I've not heard other synths do. Built well. Fun to play and fun to program. Runs on batteries. Worth looking into. I was so impressed with this that I backed their next project (a groove box type thing it seems). Bottom: KORG AM8000R. This fucker does some WEIRD SHIT! I had one before (and its delay counterpart, the DL8000R) and for whatever reason didn't hold on to them. I think I was looking for more bread and butter, set it and forget it type effects. This was really cheap and it's in great shape. I don't think so many people know about these. Relatively easy to program, and you can get some really good, usable stuff as well as some super far out WTF stuff. The WARP! knob is good fun too.

Oh I suppose it's worth mentioning that I had an album released by Anti Gravity Device out of Tokyo a few weeks ago. Let's see if I can find a link...

https://anti-gravity-device.bandcamp.com/album/black-rainbows-agd036

Have a listen. It's stuff I recorded from about November through December last year, maybe even the first week of January this year. Live jam format, no master sequencer, wish I was an octopus because two arms and ten fingers just wasn't enough type stuff. All hardware. Fun!

So, my invisible tumblrpeeps, it's been a busy 2020 so far here. More things in the works. Keep your eyes peeled. Stay well. Watch out for number one, and don't step in number two. (thanks, Carlin!)

[forbidding-souda]

Goodbye despair boys (if that's past the limit than any of the danganronpa boys) with a S/O that's tik tok famous? I saw someone do it but with bnha

SDR2 Boys with a tiktok famous S/O

ngl i had to make sure it was sdr2 because i forgot the actual title

honeslty i hc fuyuhiko with having sexy ass hands. my bad.

currently listening: soldiers by switchblade symphony

-Mod Souda

Hajime Hinata

❤ He probably doesn't use tiktok. Nor does he really know what it is. But he's been with you in public, where random people would always come up to you and compliment you.

❤ He might assume you just have a lot of friends.

❤ Just explain to him what tiktokl... is. And maybe show him some of your videos.

❤ There's no way he's going to want to be involved in any of them - no amount of convincing will make him do it.

❤ Except if one of the Ultimates wants to be involved too, then he'll want to impress them.

❤ Actually that's a lie he'll want to be in those ones where he'll jump in on you dancing, covering you or picking you up and away from the camera.

❤ All the comments will be able his ass.

.

Nagito Komaeda

❤ He has a tiktok but he doesn't post, and he knows you're famous. He follows you. I don't think he'd tell you that it's him though, he doesn't comment or anything.

❤ Whenever you make tiktoks, he'll be in the background doing the stupid dances. He likes to stay in the background of your videos.

❤ Your fanbase would definitely like him.

❤ He records for you - like a camera man.

❤ He'll be like wow you're so famous and popular I can't believe you'd like someone like me.

❤ But once he meets other famous tiktok people he's like ew ok weirdos.

❤ I can imagine him posting once, a video of you making a tiktok, and it goes viral because people are like ayo?

.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu

❤ Doesn't want to be shown at all, not even when your fans beg for it.

❤ He does do a hand reveal, which seems to make things worst.

❤ They see his clothes, his hands, and they're so convinced he's the hottest man on the planet, especially with how expensive your house looks.

❤ Basically your audience has a crush on him.

❤ He does not like the idea of Tiktok or any of the tracking rumors surrounding it.

❤ Peko, however, will gladly indulge in your little tiktok thing.

.

Teruteru Hanamura

❤ I can see him having a tiktok with just cooking videos. Honestly, he would love the attention and the audience and just having people who share his interest in cooking.

❤ He'd have heartfelt videos where he talks about his mom as well, it would be perfect.

❤ And it'll be such a crossover when you go on his page.

❤ Or, alternatively, you're in all his videos because you're the one taste testing all of his stuff at the end.

❤ He talks about you in almost every video he's in. It's always I love them so so much and things like that.

.

Nekomaru Nidai

❤ You'd get the most of your clout when the two of you put on costumes of famous size difference characters.

❤ Then all the comments came flirting with the two of you, which made you even more popular.

❤ He made a tiktok just because everyone was asking.

❤ And he gets recognized in public more than you do, probably because he is naturally more famous, but it's still funny once they realize who you are, too.

❤ I think you could have an amazon wishlist of different costumes/cosplays that people wanna see you two as.

❤ But he loves the attention. He can read the comments for days - and they keep coming, so it's perfect.

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Gundham Tanaka

❤ He runs a blog, so I can imagine him having a tiktok.

❤ He'll share cute videos of the animals as well as educated ones. His for you page is almost all animals, so when you say you're tiktok famous, he's confused.

❤ You show him your videos and he's like super unimpressed. He thinks his is very much superior.

❤ You shout out his page, of course, and suddenly he's getting so much attraction and so many people falling in love with his pets.

❤ He starts using the meme audios and making jokes about owning certain animals.

❤ You watch this all go down in real time.

❤ It's so funny watching him squint his eyes in concentration when he's editing a video.

❤ You take a video of him focusing on his phone and put it in your mutuals only.

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Kazuichi Souda

❤ He has a tiktok. Definitely, but it's just for watching other peoples videos.

❤ He watches your videos and spam comments on them. Shit like: "my tail is wagging" and "my dads son has a crush on you."

❤ He is such a big complimenter online. He talks tough.

❤ You like all of his comments, of course, and pin them.

❤ Your audience is all thinking about like "who is this random person in all of their pins"

❤ Which leads you to making funny couple tiktoks with him, and people eventually piece it together.

❤ He will get a bunch of simps just because he's a muscley alt boy, so be prepared.

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Twogami

❤ You mention your boyfriend once and now every time you make a video of him when he's in disguise it's all "uhm don't you have a boyfriend."

❤ You just say you're poly and move on with your life.

❤ He definitely does not have a tiktok nor is he going to make one - nor is he going to be in your videos.

❤ He doesn't mind all the collaborations you do and company merchandise you get. It's quite flattering to him to know that you're well-known and loved, he feels good when he's around you, because he knows you devote all of your attention to him.

❤ Though, he is quite nervous about the attention when it goes onto him. He doesn't like being in the spotlight, and definitely not for a consistently long time. He'll need you to steal the attention away.