#I think i've improved in some ways and regressed in others

[lookbluesoup]

71. Who can rap better?

You can answer for anyone, but I'd love to know about Piper and Nate!

Thanks so much for the ask and the excuse to draw these two again! :D I've missed them!

I'm not sure about rap, though Nate's propensity for tongue twisters and smart mouth would probably make him pretty good at it!

He is really good at tongue twisters. Insanely good. Piper's competitive enough and she's getting better, and the two of them can probably outspeak about anyone else in Boston, but it's still no contest. Not yet, anyway.

OTP Questions

[traegorn]

Every wiccan I know is NB at this point, including myself, so it's very jarring when I come across the witchblr posts that just HATE wiccans and associate them only with terfy bs ??? Like what happened? I've never read the roles of gad/goddess as gender roles bs like it's always to me been more of like, a metaphor to nature? And how all things have some combination of those energies involved? Idfk it just weirds me out the way the entire community has been watered down to gender role bs like where did people get that from? Is that enough for a full podcast episode or like do you have thoughts on this bc its a head scratcher for me. Like people think the triple goddess thing is bad, but I just see it as different life phases: being taken care of, taking care, and having the wisdom of a full life. Doesn't have to mean you have to have a kid?? It's a symbol?? Not literal? Am I stupid??? Help lol

So there's a couple of things at play with the gender essentialist stuff.

First off, most folks you see online's first impression of Wicca comes from books. This isn't all that weird or anything, but there are a lot of gender essentialist readings of Wicca that are popular in those books. And, honestly? That happens a lot because a lot of early Wiccans were pretty gender essentialist. Like going back to Gardner.

Secondly, it is still a real problem with a percentage of older Wiccans. I've met them, they really are like that. Now, obviously not all are -- and I don't think you survive long with those kinds of regressive ideas in our community -- but it's something very wound into our history.

You have to remember that the people that you meet are not the whole of the community. We still have a lot of improvement that needs doing. But the people who complain about Wicca "being like that" from the outside rarely know what the entire breadth of the community is like.

As for the triple goddess thing -- it's not that the triple goddess is a bad concept on its own (beyond binding motherhood to the center stage), so much as people like Robert Graves trying to shoehorn other goddesses into this "universal" archetype. That is where the problem is.

[fortyfive-forty]

i've been ruminating a lot on it because i think i'm bad at putting my thoughts into words but i need y'all to understand that while there are absolutely a lot of Not Good Things about the finals being held in saudi arabia for three years...the way people seem to treat is as morally black and white is shortsighted and unhelpful.

realistically the players traveling there will be protected. it may be uncomfortable, it's certainly not ideal, but they will travel there for a few weeks, play their tennis, then leave. there are a lot of women, a lot of queer people who actually live in saudi arabia who cannot just leave, who are actually subjected to laws and social climates...and to me it just seems very disrespectful to that actual lived experience, for everybody to sort of turn their noses up and get on their high horses. of course, if the players wish to opt out, that is their choice, but that is their choice to make. that's their judgement. not ours.

and then, what about a tournament like miami? florida is literally experiencing one of the worst active regressions that i've seen in the us (granted i'm young). things like critical race theory and lgbtq+ ed are being removed from curriculums, rights for trans youth, trans healthcare, etc. are going backwards. abortion rights? gun violence? and yes i know that the laws and climate in saudi arabia are different gravy, i understand that, but my point is, no one would ever DREAM of arguing against hosting a tournament in miami despite all of these issues. and we can extend this to a lot of other tournaments! i mean, all the outrage about fifa hosting a world cup in qatar, but we don't have any of these sentiments about doha? i've seen other people bring up that the finals were hosted in singapore when gay marriage was still illegal there. we've already talked about italy's fascist prime minister. and i could go on and on and on about the war crimes of countries like the us or the uk - is the us not participating actively in genocide right now? where is the standard? if you argue against hosting the finals in saudi arabia for the reason of human rights, to me it seems you have to uphold that standard for the location you do land on. and i can guarantee, you will not find a single country in the world with clean hands.

i want to be clear i am not arguing that hosting the finals in saudi arabia is a good thing, especially for three years, especially because it's definitely going there because of money, and not for any of the "good" reasons i think some people want us to believe about "improving the region" (which is very weirdly white savior-esque anyway). i don't really have an official "conclusion" to this discussion.

what i am arguing is that i think a lot of the protests against saudi arabiahosting the finals are more an example of implicit anti-arab bias and islamophobia, rather than genuine discussion. key word implicit: i don't think most people are purposefully trying to be anti-arab/islamophobic. or at least, i'd like to believe nobody is. but i also think, particularly in the west, there is already so much of this xenophobic sentiment ingrained. and this is why i think it's really really REALLY important to check ourselves when we talk about it instead of just jumping straight to the human rights conversation without a second thought.

i'll say it plainly: i don't think the finals should be held in saudi arabia. but for me, it has more to do with sportswashing, with the dangers of the way money is thrown around in sports, and because i think it's more evidence that the wta doesn't care about player welfare but rather about making a profit (what else is new). human rights are absolutely a concern of mine, but how is it fair to hold saudi arabia to a standard that we don't seem to care about for literally anybody else?

literally look at the us's ugly ugly history, past and present, and tell me why we deserve to host a tennis tournament.

[danggirlronpa]

I've seen you reblog some otoshima art, and it got me curious- what's your opinion of that ship? Because I know not all people are into shipping characters with their alter egos.

I honestly waffle a lot on Ryoko/Junko, because unlike Jack/Toko or Hajime/Izuru, where the alters are Definitively Different People In The Same Body, I think there's a real discussion to be had about whether or not Ryoko is an alter at all due to the nature of her creation.

Unlike the others, Ryoko is not a whole new personality that supplants or exists alongside Junko; she's Junko with deliberately induced memory loss, a wig, and an alias. Everything about Ryoko's personality reads exactly as Junko under these circumstances. She shares the same ultimate talent, the same obsessive nature, same disdain for the people around her that she isn't actively obsessed with ("this has nothing to do with me"), and the same extreme fluctuations of emotion. In a lot of ways, you could consider Ryoko to just be Junko whose experience with disability has vastly improved her mental health.

On the other hand, though, I AM compelled by the potential of Ryoko as an alter, and what that means in regards to Junko/Ryoko. There's already an argument to be made that each of Junko's "personas" are their own alters.

Believing that Ryoko developed into a fully realized alter makes it even more tragic that she is fully silenced by Junko returning to front, and never seen again. But by adding that tragedy to Ryoko, you take away from the potential tragedy of Junko, for whom, if Ryoko isn't an alter, it is instead a story about willingly denying yourself happiness as a form of self-harm and lashing out at others, and regressing after finally finding a route to be happy. It ultimately depends on which narrative you find most compelling.

I generally prefer the idea that Junko puts herself in reach of happiness and then denies herself, rather than that Ryoko develops as a fully realized personality, because it simply gels better with how I see Junko. But that does NOT deny me the ability to indulge alter!Ryoko for the sake of some SERIOUSLY toxic yuri. I am making out with my evil self in my head extremely literally. What's sexier than that

[nikethestatue]

Lmaoo how bad of an author do you have to be if your readers don't want you to be in love with their fav characters. But really this IS a huge problem with SJM. Self insert characters are a thing in YA I've noticed but Sara just... she does that too fucking much, to a point that it's absolutely ruining her quality of work.

Bryce for instance, is a clearly a character SJM loves to write and because she loves her it doesn't occur to her that her readers might not feel the same way and that to make them like this character she has to actually put in some effort in her writing to make her likable. I feel like this is also what happened to Nessian. She's just so in love with both Nesta (she calls acosf an "autobiography" of a sort) and Cassian (she pictures him as Josh and etc etc) and their "love story" that she didn't even feel the need to write a proper romantic arc for them that appeals to the readers. Like ykwim? What's the need for it when in her head readers are already in love with them.

It's such a painfully childish way to write you'd think her books not being YA anymore would mature her but it seems she's only regressed. All the authors that kind of blew up around the same time she did and the ones she used to be friends with like Leigh Bardugo, Holly Black, V. E Schwab and etc etc have grown so much as writers and you can see the quality of their work has improved meanwhile with SJM it's like the writing just progressively gets worse.

She HAS regressed. I totally understand writing for yourself, because it's a story you want to tell. But you still have to keep it within the parameters of your series. You can't just completely disregard what you wrote before, because now it doesn't fit what you 'feel' like writing.

And the whole self-insertion is such a turn off (at least for me). It's not an 'Azriel and Reader' fanfic where you can plop yourself into a nameless character because you want to have sex with Azriel.

There is definitely some kind of immaturity there, which I dont quite get, other than she was very young when she became popular, she's been coddled and praised most of her life, she's had a loyal following, lots of money and therefore, maybe she never grew up? She is in a bubble of her own perceived greatness.

[bi-kisses]

What do you think about "barbie is asexual and why that matters" (Tumblr doesn't allow me to put links so look it up) vid? I know your opinions about split attraction model, so I guess I already expect what it's gonna be like. Also I don't like the fucking weird part about that "women have to put up with being sexualized every time we go outside". Like, I know that it's true to some women but... I can't relate to that? I don't have to put up with this and I'm a woman? Borderline radfem take bru

I don't think there's really any subtext suggesting she's asexual, nor would it improve the messaging at all.

No offense because I get the desire for representation, but people not actively having a love interest in a movie is not ace coded. People in real life often have relationships, like with barbie and ken, that just aren't... emotionally invested. The "no genitals" bit is because they're literally dolls, I think we can all agree asexuals have genitals and to equate the two (being physically sexless and not feeling attraction) is actually very regressive as it wraps back around to this idea of asexuality making you broken and/or incomplete.

I think trying to warp the messaging to be about sexuality is missing the point. The sexualization of women can be contested and criticized without actually robbing women of our sexualities.

I know it does feel like a radfem take to say women get sexualized whenever they're out in the world, but it's a bit more complicated than that. Some women don't at all, usually because of where they live, or if they don't fit into the modern view of "sexy" to begin with. I know that I've been getting catcalled and leered at since I was in my preteens, it's especially a problem with (this will sound weird) some of the Indian men who have immigrated here and just culturally have zero respect for women. I was in a bralette at the gas station and the old guy behind the counter couldn't find the decency to look up from my chest while I paid. That's one example of something I get pretty regularly, and tbh I don't even HAVE nice tits.

All that to say that I didn't find the barbie portrayal of being a woman dressed in tight/revealing clothes navigating the public to be unrealistic. I don't think it's meant to imply this is what every woman gets constantly, I mean, there are other women around in those scenes (and, I almost forgot, ken also gets ogled), it's moreso discussing the way we're all forced to portray ourselves in a muted and "sexed down" manner if we want to be respected, which really shouldn't be the case. Women with skimpy shirts should receive eye contact at the gas station.

[stealthnoodle]

Genuine question, how do you improve your fanfiction writing skills? I got a new special interest recently and I want to write about it. I haven't worked on anything in a decade and it feels like my skills have regressed. I miss writing fanfiction (especially femslash) so much and I want to get back into it.

There are probably as many different approaches to this are there are people who write, but here's what works for me!

One thing I do think is universally true is that the only way to get better is to keep putting words down, even if you're frustrated by the quality of them. (And it is so frustrating to come back to writing after a long break and feel like you've forgotten how to string words together. I have been there! It's the worst!) So Step One, I think, is to figure out what you need to do to make it easier to brain dump. Skip over scenes you're not in the mood to write. Use placeholders like "[Witty reply]" or "[does something to show she's angry]" if you get stuck. Don't worry about using too many adverbs or repeating yourself.

If you're someone who struggles with anxiety when you sit down to write (hi, it's me), take steps to relax yourself so that your brain's filter won't get in the way too much. Maybe you put on some motivating music. Maybe you exercise your way into some endorphins first. Maybe you're me and you've mastered getting high enough to chill out without chilling out so hard you end up staring at the ceiling for an hour. "Write drunk, edit sober" doesn't have to be literal advice, but I like the spirit of it.

Once you've got a bunch of words to work with, pat yourself on the back! Maybe later you can revise your brain dump into something you want to show other people. Maybe you hate it and just want to do an autopsy to understand why. Either way, you've done something valuable just by getting those words out. Go through them and make notes, even if your notes are as vague as "This character's voice sounds a little off" or "This scene doesn't fit here." I like to highlight chunks of text I feel especially iffy about in green. And on the flip side, even the biggest mess is probably going to have something you like enough to repurpose somewhere else. I write in Scrivener, and all of my projects have a "Bits and Scraps" file for this purpose. 10/10, would recommend.

Speaking of which, "Kill your darlings" is terrible advice. Stash your darlings away for later. I have written a truly ridiculous number of words that never ended up turning into a story I could be satisfied with, and being able to reframe my thinking from "Ugh, what a waste of effort" to "Wow, that was a lot of great practice, and now I've got a document full of turns of phrase and jokes and plot points I can recycle" has made a huge difference for me.

My other tip is to spend time deconstructing other people's writing in your brain to understand why it works. Some people don't enjoy doing this when they're reading for fun, and they're probably better off trying this on a reread; I am the kind of weirdo who will stop in delight when I come across something I find effective and rotate it in my mind like a 3-D Tetris block. (As a messy bitch who loves writing out of sequence, I'm always on the lookout for especially smooth pacing and transitions that I can try to emulate.) When you read fics with characterizations that you like, try comparing the characters' speech and actions to their canon selves and see if you can trace how the author extrapolated from them; when you read fics with characterizations you don't like, see if you can articulate to yourself why they feel off to you.

Hopefully at least some of that wall of text is helpful, lol. Good luck, anon! I am rooting for you to make the girls kiss!

[panicdeleter]

the unfortunate experience of having dissociative identity disorder diagnosed young is that I go to a fucking psych hospital tell them I have DID and they just, don't believe me. I had fucking Fuge. Motherfucking fuge. Nowhere online can I even find a description of what fuge looks like during the process other than "bewildered wandering" and these psychs definitely got the abnormal psych class at the local college that I've been told by someone who took the class "doesn't even mention the disorder" so my *absolutely has had dyskinesia like 6 times because my first doctor gave me 5mg of abilify as a 5 year old and wrecked my brain* having ass bitch got put on antipsychotics and because I was also age regressed out the ass, and totally disconnected from reality and deep in some antichrist demon boyfriend fantasy (I have... interesting power fantasies when totally unable to cope that apparently just, took over? like I *was* the maladaptive daydream) yeah I just, I want to go on, I can't I don't have the energy to pop back three stages of disconnected connected thoughts. This is just, how I think. I had a point but the amnesia kicked in and now I'll have to walk back through the thought process to find the idea and pick it back up with a new thread of self. I feel like I'm mostly fragment and not even alter. It's fucking atrocious in here guys. I am sorry for the incoherency. I'm tired of doctors not knowing what this disorder even is while also contradicting themselves by believing they're capable of distinguishing between "true" and "false" did like anyone would honestly pretend to be like this... like BPD and DID... I've met several people diagnosed BPD and like, low and behold after a while of hanging out and just, talking about myself and them BPD, CPTSD, and DID all feel like a spectrum of the same fucking thing. It's the same shit. I have at least one friend who's a diagnosed autistic narcisist and she's *also* dealing with the same underlying shit. Like it's all fucking trauma. I'm fucking pissed about how little information there is about DID vs Schizophrenia and how people don't have enough training to recognize did.... which doesn't respond to medications and shouldn't be medicated in the first place... and it takes 5-12 years on average to get diagnosed. That's 5-12 years of intense psychiatric drugs. 5-12 years of being a fucking hostage to a system that isn't educated about you, being passed from psych to psych as they slowly realize they don't know what's wrong with you, from therapist to therapist as they say they *aren't qualified to help*, direct quote from a therapist of mine. I have no idea how to emphasize on top of this how exausting this all is. How much each intake appointment means ripping into your history of trauma and telling them your entire backstory as much as you can. Every bubble sheet filling how much you struggle. Every psych eval... after psych eval after psych eval. I must have had at least 20. I'm tired. This is a major injustice no one gives a shit about. It won't improve, because unlike autism we don't have marketable devices, unlike schizophrenia we don't seem scary or dangerous, unlike chronic illness we can't be scienced in imperical ways, we can't be examined through the lenses of biopsy and genetic testing... what little research is even out there is mostly about detecting "fakers"... when a commonly known symptom of did is dissociating about your dissociation. I want help. I really, truly want help. There just *isn't help*.

[oliveroctavius]

What inspires your art? Like, how did you come up with your art style, how happy you are with it and if there are any other artists that inspire you?

Asking a few people as a way to understand and grow as an artist at a crossroads. Have a good day.

This is a fun ask! Not sure how helpful my answers will be to you, but here they are.

I've honestly put little to no thought into "coming up with" an art style. I'd say that what comes out of my brain and hands is maybe only 1/3 calculated stylistic decisions, with the rest being "what is most fun for me" and "what is easiest for me". I draw a lot of faces because I enjoy caricature; I do most of it in scribbly mechanical pencil on scrap paper because that's what I usually have on hand.

My one big starting point is that when I started drawing at age ~12, I was copying characters out of The Adventures of Tintin. I learned just enough from Hergé to get simplified human figures I didn't hate and then went iteratively on from there. Mostly I just drew short humorous fancomics for myself and never colored them.

In high school I considered going into an art career, so I took art classes. At the time I thought they were fun but mostly irrelevant to the stylized character art I drew in my class notes every day... but looking back my comic art drastically improved 2015-17, so maybe I was wrong. I eventually decided I'd go into tech instead and leave dressing as a hobby, which I think was the right choice for me.

The closest I've ever had to a Style was in the music fanart and OC comics I did in college. The imagery mostly came out of my own brain, and I worked out what tools were easiest and most enjoyable: multicolor sharpie pens and India ink with watercolor washes; binary or hard edged brushes on digital work that I could fill in quickly with the bucket tool. I accepted that I wasn't a great draftsman and got scribblier and more manic.

Since then I've gotten back to the world of fancomics where I try to pastiche the original inking style—I've done Jhonen Vasquez, Steve Purcell, John Romita, Jack Cole, Scott Wegener, and C. C. Beck (though that one was way too ambitious and I may never finish). But I'm not doing this because I want to absorb them into my default style, though I certainly learn things from it. I do it for the project itself, because I feel like there's a lot of characterization and world-rules built into the way different art styles depict their worlds. I have great interest in stories which use restricted or contrasting stylization on purpose to convey meaning.

It's also just fun, which is my first priority. But I do think my technical skills have been regressing a bit from lack of use + perhaps from using others' work as a crutch too often. It's a little embarrassing, but it is what it is. I'm sure the trend will reverse if/when I put more time into full pieces and daily practice again.

Oh, and I did make a list of favorite artists back in 2018 which holds up. If I had to extract some advice from this meandering post, it would be to figure out what methods and tools make your artistic workflow easier and consider how you want to make those part of your "style". That's extra true if this is something you're going to be doing for long periods of time like a job.

[systemhead]

oversharing [gotcha!]

I like oversharing in posts online. I miss the Finsta age of Instagram in 2012-2017 when everyone would do it. It's annoying to sincerity post and go on and on about yourself online. But where else do you do that sort of thing nowadays? And it makes you self conscious when you start doing it 1-on-1 with people too often. Therapists only work for the meta stuff anyway.

It's really easy to forget yourself, or versions of yourself, or parts of yourself. I feel like this gets overlooked a lot by people speaking about themselves and addressing any pop psychology concepts. I forget who I am a lot. I forget who I've been to some people. I forget skills I have or things I've done. Maybe it's because knowing all of yourself all at once all the time is unnecessary if not maddening. Sometimes when I remember some of the things I've forgotten about myself I feel like a sleeper agent who has been in deep cover too long, or something. Maybe it's because you lie retroactively, say that you know better now or something, but that was you to some degree.

The only thing I daydream about anymore is getting a bunch of money and giving basically all of it away in the most specific or tax-avoidant way possible and I find that a little depressing.

"Lurker" has been my defining personality trait on the internet, in real life it's "g*y who tries everything, stands out at all parties somehow;" this isn't like, brave or interesting. Silence - Talk too much - Silence as a general pattern. I think of it like 25% curiosity and 75% something else. Anxiety/trepidation. I don't fully understand how people make their internet or irl personalities work to integrate into the hearts, minds, and lives of others. That sounds nefarious. What I mean is, I don't understand how people just get others to listen and share and then keep that rolling. I worry that I am off-putting or intimidating all the time. I signal interest and appreciation very poorly.

I don't expect anyone to read this, especially this far, if you did: wow, incredible. I can start being incredibly cringe now. The above was a test of sorts and I guess we all passed! Huh.

I love everyone I have ever counted as a friend so much and I don't think they realize that I would do anything anything for them if they asked. Only twice in my life have I ever been asked to do something truly serious by a close friend. Money and acts.

I was going to say something here about how a friend and I were being groomed by shadowy forces which is true but sounds like a humblebrag.

I wish I was brave enough to be as brave as the people I know and love. I wish I was more more queer and harder to handle. I would trade any trait I have for courage and confidence. Whatever version of confidence I appear to have is endurance masquerading as surety.

If there was a serious political sect in this country doing mass work right now I would throw everything away in a heartbeat to join them. There isn't, so I haven't. I wasn't built to be an anarchist or a founder of anything. Something in my bones says that we'll be back within 4 to 6 years to that level.

I am not that smart. I am good at improv and putting puzzle pieces together quickly. I have been exposed to very interesting people. This does not make me smart or better than others. If I have ever intimidated you, you have probably intimidated me.

Given the two above though: the level of political discussion in the US has felt permanently stuck in 2016 for years BUT Palestine feels like it could be breaking that trend. 2020-2023 was a regression politically in the way that the early 1980s were. 2016-2020 was truly impressive and felt like something at the time, but fires die down or are put out.

I would do anything to erase the term "tankie" from public record and human knowledge.

This is somethin' new, the casper slide part 2, featuring the platinum band, and this time... (you seriously kept reading? I type like this in my Google doc journal but you actually have the patience for this? kudos)

Transition terrifies me. I wish I felt sure enough to act upon it more decisively. As of now I am taking it at a measured pace that fits into my broader life. The idea of... change makes me giddy. I don't understand how people are so brave. There has been so much I have needed to hear from others. If I knocked back the drinks or just completely removed my oppressive sense of social decorum I would talk off my friends ears until they would probably personally walk me into a doctors office. This happened upon seeing a friend recently by accident. I let something slip and she was accommodating for hours late into the night in the midst of her dealing with more important things and I could not stop apologizing. So many days of feeling like I needed to cry but couldn't, seeing someone in the mirror who I still didn't know. I just wish it were easier to pick a name.

Visiting DC this year felt like being in a radiation zone. That place had such dark energy I just hid in my hotel room. That weekend in NYC last year was the happiest two days of my entire year, and now I think I know why. I'm still in love with Detroit but Michigan can't be home forever.

I hate my voice and that's part of why I love writing like this. So much to say but the moment I start paying attention to my voice I want to shut up forever.

We should just hang out more.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

What are some things you think about a lot, more than most other things you think

I'm thinking about this right now, and it seems like the answer is "whether or not I am a good person." It's hard to put into words how much that bothers me. There are some people who seem to feel very confident in their own moral bona fides. But I just don't see myself as one of those people. Even though I know there are plenty of things I do well (both in terms of being nice and friendly toward other humans and also just in terms of general life competence) . . . there is always something that looks bad when you look at yourself. And even if you try really hard to fix your flaws, they keep coming back; so you have this sense of having been through cycles of self-improvement and then regression, over and over again, for years on end. At least it feels that way to me, but maybe others experience this less acutely? [EDIT: actually, after writing all this, I think there may be more than two options here -- either people genuinely feel good about themselves, which means they never notice all these flaws, or else they mostly notice them, but can somehow find ways to cope with them without getting too depressed.]

This sounds pathetic and whiny, but it's really true! Some of my friends have told me that I often come off as arrogant or conceited because I tend to talk about what I believe in strongly, and that makes it sound like I don't care what anyone else thinks. And while that's probably true, I feel terrible when people tell me this. Especially since my strongest opinions aren't on subjects where there's any real controversy anyway. They're usually about stuff no one cares about, or issues everyone agrees upon, or a weird mix of both. So it seems like my only excuse would be that I'm an idiot who doesn't realize he has nothing interesting to say, except that I do get some positive feedback from time to time, so I guess I must really be that big an idiot. Or I could try to become someone whose beliefs line up perfectly with the prevailing wisdom, thereby becoming uninterestingly conventional. Which would be bad enough, but worse still would be to have a reputation as a screwup among people who think conventionally. Not sure why I haven't done anything like that yet. Maybe I've tried, and failed, because I simply cannot stop talking about myself. That was probably what made college so torturous -- I spent most of my social interactions trying to figure out whether I had said something stupid or insulting, or if it was just that my conversational partners were awkward/unwilling to make conversation. I didn't want to ask them directly whether they disliked me or thought I was dumb, because I wanted to maintain plausible deniability. In hindsight, I wish I had asked straight out whether I seemed annoying or anything. Then again, I wouldn't trust anyone's answers to such questions, given the times I misread intentions and ended up saying something wrong.

Anyway, I should clarify that this isn't really a complaint post. Just an observation about a pattern that runs throughout my life. My natural state is to feel like a loser, and every once in a while this feeling becomes intense enough to cause pain and grief, but basically this is normalcy for me, in the same way that walking

[killemwithkawaii]

Okay, so, I sometimes ageregress and I think Sal would too tbh. If you don't know what ageregressing is, it's basically age play without the sexual undertones (dressing up, being in the mindset of a child, having childish interest but more like an episode, you are still a functioning adult). Since Sal didn't get to be a child for that long because of the accident and bullying he could be a child with me as an adult fbjsicjsjsj

It would be so adorable to see him play with action figures or having tea parties with his s/o and plushies TvT

And Larry would be probably really chill about that too. Just imagine lil Sal talking really excitedly about his favorite color and Larry being like: "Woah, dude, that's so sick. Blue n pink really are special my guy"

It would be so adorable drzhdgjg >v<

I've actually answered an ask about Sal being an age regressor! Here's some more headcannons about it:

Sal as an age regressor-

[CW: SFW age regression/ little space, mentions of past trauma and abuse]

>This is likely something Sals therapist recommended when medication wasn't quite cutting it for him. Now that Sal's an adult and has the power and competence to make his own decisions, age regression could be a way for him to reclaim that part of his life where he was put into bad situations and didn't have any sort of control over how things turned out. He can use it as a tool to try and experience some of the childhood joy that was robbed of him when he was actually a kid in a safe and comfortable setting, free of grief, trauma, bullying, hospital stays, and adults with substance abuse problems.

>I'd expect him to regress to around the age he was when he got his injury to a few years older (a general range, probably not a specific age).

>It would probably be really hard for him to get into the mindset. Letting down his guard and forgetting about his self-consciousness and personal baggage takes a lot of practice, plus acting like a kid can dig up some bad memories by association. Most of the time, he half-regresses- not too big to relax and enjoy himself, but not too small to defend himself and snap back to being 'big' if need-be.

>He'd be EXTREMELY hesitant to let anybody know about his age regression or see him regressing, let alone be his caretaker, because it's such a vulnerable mindset to be in (he got enough shit when he was actually a kid, he doesn't need anybody judging him for acting childlike on top of all the other stuff people judge him for as an adult). Gizmo is the one exception, since he's been a major source of comfort for Sal since he was an actual child.

>A fellow age regressor would have better luck catching a glimpse of Sals 'little' side. He'd love to have someone to hang out with that likes video games and cartoons as much as he does!

>His friends DO find out (because he's a horrible liar). Larry finds the concept a little weird at first (because he was always encouraged to 'grow up'/ 'be a man'/ etc.), but totally gets it when he and Sal go to catch frogs at the lake or do some finger painting together and he sees Sal let loose like never before. Ash takes it in stride (it feels just like when she and her little brother were kids) and loves Sals genuine enthusiasm for doing craft projects with her and playing out dramatic storylines with her 'little dudes'. Todd goes down a rabbit hole researching the phycological mechanisms behind age regression and its applications in therapy, and is happy that Sal is using healthy coping mechanisms in tandem with his medication to help improve his mental health (he also gives Sal all the computer games that his parents gave him as a kid).

Also:

Me 🤝 Sal "Pink and blue are the best colors (we'll be in our blanket fort if you wanna fight us about it)"

[kiliinstinct]

💌

Fic Writer Asks // Accepting More! 💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Uhh- so.. this is awkward, because I don't know if I should ramble about my Genshin Wips or my FT wips (though I'm 75% certain you'd prefer the FT-) Recently, I had a down moment where I just felt like my writing was stagnating and that I wasn't really improving, but regressing instead. After talking it out with some friends, I came up with an idea for how to approach my writing and then started using this app called 'stimuwrite' that... hoo boy, it has been quite a handy tool so far and it's had me excited to write again. I haven't had this much fun writing in ages. It's definitely made me enjoy my wips and actually look forward to working on them more than I've felt in a long time. A blessing, really. But this is for my up and coming work- and thankfully, the soon to be updated Violent Moon and Flames Desire were both written using that app so- here's some "bits" from both those stories that I had a lot of fun writing (I'll also include one Genshin since it's also been worked on with that app and has been a lot of fun):

-- Flame's Desire --

”Whoever taught you how to write needs to give you another lesson,“ She muttered. Natsu's answering response was to scrawl a single letter over the paper, large enough that no amount of chicken scratch could hide its secrets from her: a large E.

Before she could respond with the obvious answer, he quickly scratched over the letter and shook his head frantically, lips thinning as he frowned. In larger letters, he added two more words that Lucy translated to, 'never again!'

She laughed so hard ink sloshed onto her fingers and dripped onto the paper. A subconscious part of her realized she'd have to help acquire him cleaner bedding later if this kept up. 

”Fine. No Erza to teach you. Let's try again... slower this time.” Lucy sighed, blowing a strand of hair from her face, “maybe I can understand it then.“

Natsu crumbled the paper under his hand and flicked it into her face, grinning maniacally as she quickly tossed it back, missed, and watched it sail by his ear to bounce off the back wall. More laughter ensued and even Natsu managed a chuckle, grunting from the strain. 

-- Violet Moon --

”... so,“ He drawled, refusing to meet the others' eyes, ”ya' gonna try and convince me to come back?“ Fat chance of that happening, he thought. If Freed believed he'd return after a short conversation, he'd be wrong, but would the more reserved man accept a fight involving tooth and claw rather than debate?

It was only in that moment that Natsu realized he'd never seen Freed transform: none of their family gatherings through the years had the green haired man running through the fields on all fours like the others had. 

”Quite the opposite, actually,“ Freed's voice pulled him away from the revelation, amusement tinging the edges of his words, ”I was going to ... urge you, into running back to town. On all fours if I must.”

Wait.. what? Natsu spun back to face him, the world spun in his rush and he wobbled in place, fingers digging into the ground to balance him. ”... you actually WANT me to go against the old man's orders?“

-- Magnetism (The Genshin one) --

That's right, recollection settled back in and Aether relaxed, but it didn't answer the question shifting in his ribcage. If he'd learned it before coming to Liyue, why did it feel as if he was fishing it out of the void? 

“I think,” He began, feeling his throat fill with molasses, “I think I may have met one.”

”Really?“ While it sounded like a question, the way Lumine grasped his wrist and forcefully dragged him through the crowd told him otherwise. She pulled him towards a shaded area beneath the largest tree she could find and immediately reached for the offending mask, intentions clear.

His reflexes were faster, smacking her hand away with a frustrated squawk. ”What are you doing, Lumine?“

”You somehow got your hands on a Yaksha Mask, Aether!“ She hissed, frustration burning through her words as she made another grasp for it. A short scuffle erupted between them as both twins muttered beneath their breaths and tried to overcome the other, ”Hand it over! I knew we shouldn't have kept it!”

“Do you really think Hu Tao would have let me keep it if it was dangerous?” He reasoned, yanking the mask off his hip to hold it over their heads. Their heights were too even and he had to move to his tip toes just to avoid her grasping fingers.

[crayonurchin]

The fact that as a nearly 27 year old woman, I can tell the anxious and depressed teenagers I work with that not only does it get better, but THEY get better, is wonderful. It doesn't fix their issues, it just gives them a view of a future where things have improved.

As a nearly 27 year old woman who's going through her first 'real' heartbreak and breakup, still lives at home, is terrified to try dating or exploration of sexualities and being more open, does not have a full time job or the ability to move out without moving so far away I'd have to quiet my part time entertainment job, has no clue if she'll ever fall in love again or get married or adopt kids and is still struggling with PTSD from stuff that happened in school, work, life and my own untreated for years mental state... Yeah I want the 37 year old me to reach out and show that it'll all get better and I will get better.

But 37 year old me isn't here yet, nor is 27 year old me. 26 year old me, at least, is trying to make better changes.

Yes, I have lost someone I thought I'd marry. It's sad. I miss her. I miss us. I am so happy she's moved on to bigger and better things and I am so sad it didn't go the way I so badly wanted. But one day, I think I'll be with someone who I love and who loves me back, in that intimate way I loved her. We'll geek over special interests, crave each others company without NEEDING it, help each other to keep being our best selves and live our own lives whist living a life together. She will hold me close and I'll feel at home. And I'll look on this experience as a sad but, as something that at least showed me that I can feel love. And that love I did feel was amazing.

Yes I am not in a career and I'm afraid of GETTING that career and not liking it. But I'm also lucky that I like my current weekend entertain work a lot, and it's shown me WAY more skills that I didn't know I even had! I wrote a god damn book. I'm still looking for a publisher but holy shit I wrote an entire book. And I want to write more! I might have freelance coming up and in April I'll be recording my audio drama, which will help me apply to voice based things. YES, it's not a career yet, but I'm so much more qualified than I used to be!

Yes I still live at home. Because fucking hell I have had a ROUGH 20s. I was so mentally unstable for so long and had no idea. I was genuinely ready to kill myself several times. And that's hard to admit. I'm autistic and have ADHD! I need legit help with things others don't! I look high functioning because of my socialising abilities but I can't keep my space clean. I can't do paperwork. I can't remember to talk to people without alarm set reminders. My OCD still rules so much of my life, my PTSD age regressed me. I'm only just learning to experience anger and jealousy without beating myself up.

Yes. It's hard to believe anyone likes me. I feel so unlikable and boring and annoying. And I know that's almost certainly not true. I have friends. I have new friends. I have a... sort of crush, maybe. I have family that love me. I have people asking to hang out.

I worry all the time I'm a selfish and evil and cruel and fake person. I want to become a better person and work on my flaws, but also the level of bad I feel is probably because of my OCD.

17 year old me thought she was a murderer. Spoiler. I wasn't. I was mentally unwell and suffering with OCD that gave me intrusive thoughts.

I know some of my changes are good. I've started feeling that autistic euphoria from a special interest again. Today I drove home from a gig, and the sky kept producing the most 'shaped' clouds. My heart went glowy. I have missed feeling glowy.

One day 37 year old me will be very happy 26 going on 27 year old me tried her best.

[risingsouls]

🦎[What do you think could be done to improve Super as a series?]

🦎 for my work thoughts || Always Accepting!

[Hoo boy. That's a big question because I would change so damn much. But I think I can sort it down to three main categories:

Tone Whiplash

Taking the interesting concepts introduced and keeping them interesting

Make it feel less like a parody (which is sort of a combo of the two but)

Probably one of the biggest issues I have with Super is the tone whiplash we get from Z to Super. For me, Z evolved from Dragonball's fun, comedic, and more whimsical tone to Z's well-implemented balance of seriousness when the moment called for it while keeping some of the fun and humor from DB. In other words, the series felt like it matured with the characters to put it a different way. Then Super comes in and it feels like it's more interested in reviving much of DB's comedic tone, relying more on jokes and fan service rather than actually continuing the story with a tone similar to what we get in Z. Moments that deserve anything other than a laugh feel passed over if not disregarded in seconds. The characters we watched grow and mature and change feel completely regressed to either what we see in DB if they were there (big examples being Goku and Bulma for this) or their characterization goes full tilt into One Attribute to the point od the character feeling totally flat or their motivations and actions just don't make sense because of it (Vegeta is a good example of this one). And all of this is, as I said, either for a laugh or because of fan service (and I don't just mean the sexy kind, either; excuse my tinfoil hat here, but I've been convinced for a long time that Super's writers are absolutely actively taking cues from fan material and reactions far more than they did with Z because I know there were issues with that back then too) makes it feel like you're watching a completely unrelated series if not just a fan made series. If you're not prepared for it, it's a really big slap in the face and jarring.

The next thing that absolutely sucks with Super is they really do actually introduce a lot of neat concepts and plots but....do nothing with them or ruin them by the end of the arc. Super is a bottomless mine for new concepts from God Ki In general, gods of destruction, angels, and the new universes to new forms(?) like Ultra Instinct, Beast Gohan, Orange Piccolo (both stupid names) and Ultra Ego. But we get next to zero explanation of them, and if we do, it's conflicting or even completely retconned later in the series. Again, it feels like it's all done just to do it and bring in a new form or power or whatever without making it feel relevant or giving any understanding as to why it's special from what we already know and understand. Similarly, pretty much all of the main arcs start our with interesting premises. However, most of the time, by the end, it becomes a huge train wreck and the whole thing just felt like a waste of time (the Goku Black arc which doesn't deserve the hype the fandom gives it I'll say it and the Granolah arc are good examples for basically the same reason). In every arc, it basically feels like there are no real stakes, and, if there were stakes like in the ToP, they get ripped out from beneath us by the god of gods saying they only made the tournament to see if the winner would wish back the other universes from being erased. And even with the concession of Zeno apparently claiming that he would erase all the universes if the winner made a selfish wish, it just makes the entire arc feel pointless. And this feels like it happens in every arc: if the plot had any teeth, by the end, they've been completely ripped out.

And finally, it just needs to not feel like I'm watching or reading a parody or poorly executed fan fiction. As I said this kind of puts both of them together and is just big on how poor the writing is most of the time, from the plot to the characters themselves. I mean shit there's not even blood. And I guess I get they're trying to appeal to a younger audience but listen. I was watching Goku beat the tar out of Frieza at 6 and I liked the series just fine, blood and not constant jokes and all. And maybe I'm just asking to much of this series but damn. If it felt like there was half the effort put into Super as was put into Z (which don't get me wrong could have used a little more effort and care itself in places), this could have actually been a halfway enjoyable series. But as it stands, I can barely handle a few episodes at a time or more than the monthly manga chapter to sate my curiosity and see if anything I want to see in this series comes to pass.]

[loominggaia]

I think this has been asked but I can't recall, so, what's the best place in LG to live if you're disabled (not counting being rich or something where you could live just about anywhere)?

I would say Matuzu Kingdom probably has the best quality of life for disabled people on average. Although Matuzu Kingdom has signed the Nymph Pact, its medical technology is actually pretty advanced. This is because Matuzu has the most diverse population of all Great Kingdoms, so peoples have brought ideas and technologies with them from all over the world.

Matuzu Kingdom is also home of the World Athenaeum, which is fitting because this is a culture that highly values science. Magic and mundane technologies are both equally embraced here without many legal restrictions, so there are many different medical treatments available here--even treatments which would be considered unorthodox or even illegal in other Great Kingdoms.

This kingdom invests a lot of money into its public education. Your average Matuzan is quite well educated, and because the population is so diverse, citizens have been exposed to many different kinds of people in daily life. This exposure leads to a more open-minded population. Unlike Evangeline Kingdom or the Damijana Empire, seeing disabled people in public is not unusual here, so the disabled are not gawked at, shunned, or mistreated nearly as much. Matuzans do not have the religious or political incentives to hide their disabilities like some other cultures do.

The Matuzan government has one of the best welfare systems of all the Great Kingdoms. Elderly and disabled citizens are qualified for benefits in the form of food vouchers, monthly cash stipends, free medical care, and even housing in some cases. Living on Matuzan welfare is not a glamorous lifestyle, but it's at least enough to get by. Most Matuzan cities also have codes that force public buildings to have wheelchair ramps, elevators, and other disability-accessible modifications.

Most of what I've said so far applies to Matuzu's urban territories, which have more services and higher education than the rural areas. Life in rural towns can be more difficult for the disabled, as populations here may be more ignorant of their conditions and there isn't as much funding for accessibility and welfare programs.

There are some areas where Matuzu could improve on this, but overall, this kingdom probably does the best job at caring for its differently-abled population compared to the other kingdoms.

Its main problem is the lack of consistency between territories. Like I said, Matuzu Kingdom is extremely diverse, so there are many different cultures operating here. Some of these cultures may not share traditional Matuzan values, and instead may hold the regressive views of their motherlands. There are many insular pockets of the population that feel differently about the disabled than most, and usually not in a good way. This kingdom could do a better job at reaching out to these communities and making sure everyone gets equal treatment, but it's neglectful of its small towns in favor of dumping resources into its cities. (you know, where all the tourists are...)

So, in Matuzu Kingdom you will see many places where the disabled are very well accommodated and integrated into the community, and also weird little hamlets where they are hidden away, shunned, and not accommodated at all. Cultural diversity is this kingdom's biggest strength and also its biggest weakness in this regard.

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost