#I truly don’t see a way we could possibly live together after this

[lesbiansanemi]

I’m also realizing the reason my kitties are so unsettled and lashing out more often is partially my fault. It is definitely because of the new guy and the goddamn dog that got moved in (esp cuz one of my cats has past trauma with dogs and when I got her it was with the assumption she would never have to live with dogs again) but it’s also because I’m not giving them as much attention. I used to be out in the living room/kitchen with them for at least 4-5 hours after work every day, petting them, playing with them, letting them sit next to me on the couch cuz neither were big on lap cuddles. And now because I hate being in the main apartment anymore I never do that…. They’re upset because I’m not giving them as much attention anymore and they don’t know why, I feel so bad but also idk what to doooo 😭😭😭

[mononijikayu]

pretending as always — ryomen sukuna.

"Sukuna." you whispered, your voice barely more than a breath. "Do you ever think about us? About how things used to be?" He didn’t answer right away, his gaze fixed on the ceiling as if the answer was written somewhere in the shadows. When he finally spoke, his voice was low, almost resigned. "Things change. People change." "I know, I know." you replied, your fingers tracing the outline of his hand resting on your waist. "But I miss it. I miss us. The way we were before… everything."

GENRE: alternate universe - modern au!;

WARNING/S: angst, toxic romance, hurt/no comfort, cheating, unhappy marriage, crying, hurt, sadness, pain, character death, grief, unhappy ending, depictions of broken marriage, depiction of grief, depiction of cheating, depiction of death, depiction of loneliness, mention of grief, mention of misery, mention of loneliness, cheating husband! sukuna, long suffering wife! reader;

WORD COUNT: 10k words

NOTE: the thought bubble says 'things change, people change.'; the playlist for this chapter alone was just so angsty. like from i'm not the only one to glimpse of us, i really went through it writing this. i decided to write only one sad fic because i feel like putting out casual, together and thirty nine almost at the same time was just really criminal of me to do. so i hope you enjoy this, though!!! i love you all <3

masterlist

kayu's playlist - side 900;

if you want to, tip! <3

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ANOTHER HUFF RELEASES FROM YOUR MOUTH. You don’t remember how many you’ve smoked today. But you were sure that it was beyond one pack. This was the only time you could be alone, to think for yourself. To have control. The control you’ve been craving for years and years, one that you will never truly have again. You didn’t need someone to see you out here, to tell you no, to worry about your health. You didn’t need that. Not right now. You needed to be alone. You needed silence. 

You sat on the balcony of your lavish penthouse, gazing out at the shimmering lights of Tokyo. The city was alive, vibrant, a testament to the empire your husband, Ryomen Sukuna, had built. He was the man behind the biggest conglomerate in Japan—a titan in the world of business, feared and respected in equal measure. And you were his wife. 

Once upon a time, you had been someone too. A doctor with a promising career, surrounded by friends, fulfilled by the life you had created with your own hands. Your days were spent saving lives, making a difference, and your nights were filled with laughter and tenderness with colleagues who had become family. You were driven, passionate, and proud of the work you did. But now, as you sat in the lap of luxury, the woman you once were seemed like a distant memory.

Now, you were just his wife. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t love him—you did. You loved him more than words could express. Sukuna was everything to you, and being his wife brought a kind of happiness you hadn’t known was possible. Yet, there was a gnawing emptiness, a void that had grown over the years. As much as you loved him, as much as he adored you in his own way, you knew the truth.

Ryomen Sukuna was not a man who could be kept down, not even for you. He was a force of nature, unstoppable, always striving for more, always looking beyond what he already had. His ambition was a double-edged sword, driving him to unimaginable heights but also pushing him further away from the simple life you sometimes yearned for. 

There were nights when he didn’t come home, when he was out sealing deals or attending extravagant parties where you were merely an accessory. You’d watch him from a distance, surrounded by admirers, his presence commanding attention wherever he went. He thrived in that world of power and influence, and you knew that no matter how much he loved you, that world would always be his first love.

You tried to be content with the life you had with him. After all, you had everything most people could only dream of—wealth, status, and the affections of a man who could have had anyone but chose you. But deep down, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you had lost yourself in the process. You weren’t the doctor anymore, the woman with her own dreams and aspirations. You were simply Mrs. Ryomen Sukuna, a title that came with its own set of expectations and sacrifices.

As the night grew darker, you wondered what it would take to feel like yourself again. Could you ever reclaim the life you had before Sukuna, or had you given up too much to ever go back? And if you did, would you lose him in the process? It was a question that haunted you, even as you curled up in the luxurious sheets of your bed, waiting for him to return home. You loved him. But sometimes, love wasn’t enough.

Your husband was a man to love—eccentric and electric, a living embodiment of wonder wrapped in the form of a man. His presence was magnetic, a force that drew people in, leaving them captivated by his every word, his every move. Ryomen Sukuna was a personality larger than life, his energy palpable, his enigma undeniable. He filled every room he entered, his laughter loud and contagious, a stark contrast to his own brother, Jin, who was quiet, composed, and unassuming.

Where Jin blended into the background, Sukuna demanded attention. Everyone who met him felt the spark, the electricity that seemed to radiate from him. He was unpredictable, always a step ahead, always thinking of the next big thing. His mind worked in ways that left others in awe, trying to keep up with the whirlwind that was his thoughts and ideas. Loving him was like holding onto a storm—thrilling, dangerous, and consuming.

But for all his vibrance and charm, Sukuna was still a man of cold realities. His work came first, always. No matter how much you wanted to be his priority, the empire he built was what he poured most of his energy into. He was often distant, consumed by the responsibilities that came with being the man at the top. Days would pass where you barely saw him, where his presence in your life felt more like a memory than a reality.

Yet, when he did give you his time, it was genuine and honest. Those rare moments were when you saw the man beneath the mask, the one who cared for you in his own complicated way. His touch was real, his words sincere, and in those fleeting minutes, you felt the depth of his love, even if it was buried under layers of ambition and duty.

There were nights, though, when he would come to bed, slipping under the covers beside you, and in those moments, he was truly yours. Those were the times you held onto, the nights where the world outside his office door ceased to exist, where the only thing that mattered was the feel of his warmth next to you.

His arm around your waist, his breath on your neck—these were the small, intimate moments that made the loneliness bearable. In the quiet of the night, Sukuna would pull you close, and for those few hours, he was just a man who loved his wife, not the untouchable titan he had become during the day.

But as the dawn approached, you knew he would slip away again, back into the world that demanded so much of him. Those nights were a bittersweet reminder that while he was yours, you would never fully have him. Still, you cherished them, holding onto the hope that maybe one day, the man who captivated the world would find his way back to you, not just in the shadows of the night, but in the light of day as well.

If you tried slyly, you could sometimes extract details about his life—small, fragmented pieces of the puzzle that was Ryomen Sukuna. A hint here, a passing comment there. But even after so many years of marriage, he wouldn’t budge.

He was a vault, his thoughts locked away in a place you couldn’t reach, no matter how hard you tried. There were times you sat across from him, watching his expressions, hoping to catch a glimpse of what was going on behind those sharp eyes, but he was impenetrable. You didn’t know what he was thinking half the time. 

And as the years passed, you began to realize a painful truth: you didn’t know this man anymore. He wasn’t the man you fell in love with, the one who had promised you the world with that charming smile and infectious energy. That man was a memory, fading with every passing day. The man you were married to now was a stranger, someone who wore Sukuna’s face but carried a weight and distance that hadn’t been there before. He was no longer wholly yours, not anymore.

But when he was—on those rare occasions when he let you in, when the walls came down just enough for you to feel the warmth beneath his cold exterior—those moments were everything. His exterior remained hard, a shield against the world and perhaps even against you, but in the quiet darkness of your bedroom, he softened.

The bed you shared became a pure and sacred shrine, a place where the outside world couldn’t reach, where only you and he existed. In that space, the burdens he carried were set aside, and for a fleeting moment, he was just a man, your husband, the one who still held pieces of your heart.

The warmth of his body against yours, the way he would pull you close as if you were his anchor—these were the moments that reminded you of the love that still lingered between you. It was as if, in that bed, time stood still, and the distance that had grown between you disappeared, leaving only the two of you, as you once were.

And though those moments were few and far between, they were enough to keep you holding on, hoping that perhaps, one day, the man you fell in love with would return to you, not just in the night, but in every aspect of your life together.

You lay beside him in the dark, feeling the weight of the silence between you. His arm was draped over your waist, his grip firm but gentle. It was one of those rare nights when he was fully present, when the business world he ruled seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you. You turned slightly, your face inches from his, searching his eyes for something—anything—that might bridge the gap that had grown between you.

"Sukuna." you whispered, your voice barely more than a breath. "Do you ever think about us? About how things used to be?"

He didn’t answer right away, his gaze fixed on the ceiling as if the answer was written somewhere in the shadows. When he finally spoke, his voice was low, almost resigned. "Things change. People change."

"I know, I know." you replied, your fingers tracing the outline of his hand resting on your waist. "But I miss it. I miss us. The way we were before… everything."

His eyes finally met yours, and for a moment, you saw something flicker there—regret, maybe, or a trace of the man you once knew. But it was gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by that familiar unreadable expression.

"I’m still here. I always have been." he said, his tone matter-of-fact. "I never left. And you know that."

"Physically, yes, I know. But I just….It’s just." you murmured, a hint of bitterness creeping into your voice. "Sukuna, it’s like I don’t know you anymore. You’re not the man I married. You’re not the man who promised me the world. And I don’t know where he is. And I want him back.”

He didn’t flinch, but you felt the slight tension in his arm as he pulled you a little closer. "The world isn’t what it used to be. It won’t ever be what it was, you know that." he replied quietly. "And neither am I. And you know that too. But I’m still here. I’m still your husband.”

You sighed, feeling the tears prick at the corners of your eyes. "But when you’re here, like this… it’s different. For just a moment, it feels like nothing’s changed. Like it’s just you and me, the way it used to be. I wish we could stay here, like this, forever."

He didn’t respond right away, but you felt his grip on you tighten, his thumb brushing softly against your skin as if to reassure you. "This bed, our bed…." he said slowly, his voice rougher than usual, "it’s our sanctuary. It’s the one place I can forget about everything else. But you know I can’t stay here forever. Not when the world calls me, not when it needs me.”

"I know that." you whispered, your voice cracking slightly. You needed him too. You needed your husband. And he will never see it. Not even when he tries. "But I can’t help wishing you would. That maybe, just once, you’d choose me over everything else. Like you used to.”

He was silent for a long moment, his breath warm against your hair. When he finally spoke, there was a softness in his voice that you rarely heard. "If I could, I would. You’re the only thing that keeps me grounded, that reminds me I’m still human. But I can’t give you all of me. Not anymore. I have things to do too.”

You closed your eyes, letting the tears fall silently. "I just wish… I wish you’d let me in, Sukuna. I want to know what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling. I want to know the man I’m sharing this bed with."

He didn’t answer right away, and you knew he wouldn’t. Instead, he pulled you closer, his lips brushing against your forehead in a rare, tender gesture. "I’m here now, you know?" he whispered. "Let’s just… stay in this moment, just for tonight."

You nodded, unable to find the words to say anything more. You clung to him, holding onto the warmth of his body, the rare softness of his embrace, knowing that when morning came, he would be gone again—pulled back into the world that demanded so much of him. But for now, you had this, and it would have to be enough.

It sounds more romantic than it actually is in reality. What you shared with Sukuna was far from the idyllic love story others might imagine. It was a volatile existence, a solitary one. A lonely existence. There were no whispered secrets in the dark, no playful banter or stolen glances across the room. There were no soft gazes filled with unspoken affection, no tender moments that lingered long after they ended. With Sukuna, you got the raw, unfiltered version of him—a man stripped of any pretense or facade.

Sukuna was not a man of many words, and that held true even during the most intimate moments between you. He was silent, his focus intense, his mind seemingly elsewhere even as he was with you. There were no sweet nothings exchanged, no promises of forever whispered into your ear. He was a man of action, not words, and even less so when you were in bed together.

Yet, despite the lack of verbal communication, there was one thing he always maintained—eye contact. His gaze never wavered, never strayed from yours, and in those moments, you saw something in his eyes that you rarely saw anywhere else. His eyes were earnest, and that sincerity was the closest thing to vulnerability he ever allowed himself to show. It was as if, in those brief moments of connection, he was telling you without words what he couldn’t bring himself to say aloud.

But even that small comfort was fleeting, a temporary solace in a relationship that often felt more like a battle than a partnership. You loved him, but it was a love laced with pain and longing, a love that left you feeling more alone than ever. Because while his eyes might have been honest, they also held a distance that you couldn’t bridge, a reminder that even in his most vulnerable moments, Sukuna was still just out of reach.

So you took what you could get—the warmth of his body against yours, the rare tenderness in his gaze—and tried to ignore the aching loneliness that gnawed at you in the silence that followed. Because at the end of the day, you knew that this was the only version of Sukuna you would ever truly have. And for better or worse, you had to make peace with that.

You lay there in the quiet aftermath, your body still humming from the intensity of it all. But as the warmth began to fade, reality seeped back in. The silence between you was heavy, filled with all the things left unsaid. There was no gentle touch, no soft embrace to pull you closer. Sukuna remained beside you, but there was a distance, an unspoken barrier that kept you apart even when you were lying inches away from each other.

This was your life—a series of fleeting connections punctuated by long stretches of solitude. You had learned to navigate this existence, to find comfort in the small moments, even if they were far from the grand romance you had once imagined. But it was a lonely existence, one that often left you feeling hollow, as if a piece of you had been carved out and left behind somewhere along the way.

There was no pillow talk with Sukuna, no lingering in the soft afterglow. Not like it used to be, when you greeted the morning light talking and talking. The man beside you was not one for such things. He was not the type to reach out and hold you close, to whisper sweet reassurances that everything would be okay. He simply wasn’t built that way, and you had long since stopped expecting him to be.

Instead, there was just the raw version of him—the man who was silent in his love, who showed it in ways that were hard to decipher, in ways that often left you questioning if it was there at all. His love wasn’t gentle or easy; it was fierce, consuming, and at times, almost indifferent. But it was there, hidden beneath layers of responsibility, power, and the iron will that had made him who he was.

Sukuna’s eyes were the only place where you could see that truth, where you could catch a glimpse of the man beneath the exterior. Even during sex, when his body was moving against yours with a deliberate intensity, his eyes stayed locked on yours, never wavering.

There was something disarming in that gaze, something that spoke of an honesty he couldn’t express any other way. It was in those moments, brief as they were, that you felt a connection, a thread of intimacy that tied you to him, even if it was fragile and frayed.

But as much as you clung to those moments, they were never enough to fill the void. The bed, which had once felt like a sanctuary, now seemed more like a cold, empty place where two strangers shared space but not lives. You would turn to face him, hoping for something—a word, a touch, anything to bridge the gap—but he remained still, his mind already miles away, lost in thoughts you could never reach.

And so you would close your eyes, trying to hold onto the fleeting warmth of his body next to yours, trying to convince yourself that this was enough, that you could live with the silence, the loneliness, the distance. Because at the end of the day, he was still the man you loved, the man who had once promised you the world.

But that promise had faded, just like the warmth that now ebbed away in the cold, empty silence of the room. And as much as it hurt, you knew that this was all there would ever be—a man you could never fully have, a love that was always just out of reach, and a life lived in the spaces between what was and what could have been.

You cry a lot about how life has let you suffer this way. The tears come in waves, usually in the quiet hours of the night when the weight of it all feels too heavy to bear. You cry for the life you thought you would have, for the love that feels like it's slipping through your fingers, for the man who promised you everything but gave you only fragments. The pain of it all has become a constant companion, a dull ache that lingers even in your happiest moments, because you know, deep down, that things will never be what you once dreamed they could be.

You knew about the women. You’ve always known. The whispers that reached your ears, the subtle changes in his demeanor, the way he would smell of a perfume that wasn’t yours. You knew about the women he took to hotels, the ones he wined and dined in the finest restaurants, the ones he spoiled with gifts and attention that you used to believe were reserved for you alone. You knew about the strip clubs, the fleeting kisses at bars, the meaningless trysts that filled the void you couldn’t seem to reach.

But knowing and seeing were two different things.

The image before you feels like a knife to the gut, twisting with a cruel precision. She’s beautiful, laughing at something Sukuna has whispered into her ear. They’re sitting too close, his hand resting on her thigh as though it belongs there.

His expression is relaxed, the mask he wears with you completely gone. This is who he really is, you think to yourself. You could feel this bitter realization curling in your chest. You feel like you were going to be sick.

For a moment, your legs threaten to give way beneath you. The restaurant is dimly lit, the low hum of conversation and clinking silverware suddenly drowned out by the rush of blood in your ears. You’ve been here before. It’s one of his favorites—one you thought was yours too, where he used to look at you with that same easy smile.

Your heart hammers against your ribs, urging you to flee, to turn away before the pain can deepen. You take a step back, and then another, the darkness of the entrance swallowing you whole as you move further from the scene. It’s as if you’re in a dream, your body moving on autopilot, one step after another, until you’re out on the street, the cool night air hitting your skin like a jolt.

You keep walking, eyes unfocused, the city lights blurring into a haze of colors. The truth is, you don’t know where you’re going. All you know is that you can’t stop moving. Because if you stop, if you allow yourself to think, to feel, the walls you’ve built around your heart will collapse, and you’ll be left with nothing but the agony of what you’ve lost. Or perhaps, of what you never truly had.

You knew everything. And yet, you pretended as always, especially when he came home. Because he always did. No matter how many nights he spent in the arms of someone else, no matter how many times he broke your heart with his affairs, he always came home to you. And you clung to that, as painful as it was, because it was the one thing you had left—the knowledge that, for whatever reason, he chose to come back to you.

You knew everything. And yet, you pretended as always, especially when he came home. Because he always did. No matter how many nights he spent in the arms of someone else, no matter how many times he broke your heart with his affairs, he always came home to you.

And you pathetically clung to that, as painful as it was, because it was the one thing you had left—the knowledge that, for whatever reason, he chose to come back to you. That he'll always choose to come back to you. And only you.

The sound of his key turning in the lock was your cue to slip the mask into place, smoothing out the cracks in your facade. You could hear the soft rustle of his coat as he shrugged it off, the faint smell of that foreign perfume clinging to the air. It was like a slap in the face, but you swallowed the bitterness down, forcing yourself to stay calm.

“Hey.” he called out, his voice casual, as though nothing were amiss. As though he hadn’t just spent hours with someone else.

“Hey.” you replied, keeping your tone light, as if you hadn’t been waiting in silence, wondering who he was with, what she looked like, if she made him laugh the way you used to.

He stepped into the room, his gaze brushing over you, taking in the sight of you curled up on the couch with a book in your hands. It was a scene of domestic tranquility, one you’d perfected over the years. You’d become a master at hiding the turmoil beneath the surface, at pretending that everything was fine.

“How was your night?” you asked, the words slipping out easily, as if they weren’t laced with the weight of unspoken truths.

“Busy.” he replied, moving toward you. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, and for a moment, you allowed yourself to lean into him, to savor the warmth of his presence. This was the part you held onto—the part where he came home, where he chose you, if only for a few fleeting hours. “Did a lot of meetings. It was dull. Like always.”

But even as he pulled away and headed to the bedroom, you couldn’t help but feel the coldness seep back in, the emptiness that settled in the pit of your stomach. You knew he’d be gone again tomorrow, off to chase whatever thrill he found in the arms of someone else. 

Still, you clung to that tiny thread of hope, the one that told you he would return. Because as long as he came home, as long as he kept choosing you, there was a part of you that could pretend—pretend that it was enough, that you were enough. You knew that you were tearing yourself apart. Apart from this man. But you were stuck. You didn’t know how to get out. Not when you can’t bear separation.

It was a cruel cycle, one that left you feeling shattered and hollow, but one you couldn’t break free from. You pretended because it was easier than confronting the truth, easier than acknowledging that the man you loved was also the man who was tearing you apart. You pretended because you wanted to believe that, despite everything, there was still something left between you, something worth holding on to.

Because as much as he hurt you, as much as he used other women to fill whatever void he was running from, you knew one thing with absolute certainty: he loved you. He might have been distant, cold, and unfaithful, but that love was there, buried beneath the layers of deceit and betrayal. It was a twisted, painful love, one that hurt more than it healed, but it was real. And that’s what made it so hard to walk away.

He loved you, and it hurt you. It hurt because that love wasn’t enough to stop him from seeking out others, from indulging in pleasures that had nothing to do with you. It hurt because that love didn’t protect you from the heartache, didn’t shield you from the loneliness that came from sharing a bed with someone who was only half there.

But it was love nonetheless, a sick, unadulterated, gut-wrenching love you can never truly escape even if you wanted to. and you clung to it with everything you had, because without it, you weren’t sure who you would be anymore.

So you cried, and you pretended, and you waited for him to finish his shower, knowing that when he did, you would smile, you would act as if nothing was wrong, as if your heart wasn’t breaking a little more each day. Because you loved him, too, and that love was the only thing holding you together, even as it threatened to tear you apart.

The stairs creaked with every step, and you quickly wiped the tears from your cheeks, forcing yourself to take a deep breath. You knew the routine by now—how to mask the pain, how to put on a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. The sound of his footsteps echoed through the steps, and you braced yourself, slipping into the role you had perfected over the years. He’d gotten out of the shower and dressed.

Sukuna walked back into the living room, his presence filling the space like a storm cloud. He glanced at you briefly, his expression unreadable as he walked in front of you. You could still smell the faint scent of a perfume that wasn’t yours, the remnants of a night you knew all too well. It was as if he was mocking you. It was as if he wanted you to know.  But you didn’t say anything. You never did.

“Did you have dinner yet?” you ask him, your voice steady despite the tightness in your chest. “There’s still some soba I made for dinner.”

He hums in response, reaching for your hand, his touch warm but somehow distant. “Maybe later, I’ll heat it up myself. Let me stay here with you for a bit.”

You nod, pretending to be satisfied with his answer, even though you know it’s a lie. “Okay, that’s fine.”

You make some space for him to sit beside you, but instead, he lowers his head onto your lap, his body stretching out along the couch. The gesture is familiar, almost comforting, but tonight, it feels like a weight pressing down on your chest. You feel the bile rise in your throat as he closes his eyes, humming softly to himself, as if this moment is as peaceful for him as it is tormenting for you.

You force your fingers to move, to edge along the tips of his fuchsia-colored hair, the strands soft beneath your touch. The motion is automatic, a habit born from nights like these, where you pretended that everything was still okay. But as you purse your lips into a tight line, trying to keep your composure, you feel the tears threatening to spill over, the pain clawing at the walls you’ve built around your heart.

Not now, you tell yourself. Not now. You can’t break, not here, not while he’s with you.

You swallow hard, pushing down the surge of emotions that threaten to rise to the surface, and speak in a voice you barely recognize as your own. “You worked hard.”

He opens his eyes, his gaze meeting yours in the dim light of the room. “So did you.” he whispers, his tone soft, almost tender.

His words, if they were meant to comfort you, only deepen the ache inside you. You bite down on the inside of your cheek, forcing a small, hollow smile as you continue to stroke his hair. Because that’s all you can do—pretend that this moment is enough, that his presence here is enough to make up for all the nights he’s been away, all the lies you’ve told yourself just to keep going.

He closes his eyes again, sighing softly, and you watch him, your fingers never faltering in their gentle rhythm. And as you sit there, with his head in your lap and the soba cooling on the kitchen counter, you realize that this is what you’ve become—someone who is willing to live in the spaces he leaves behind, someone who clings to the small moments he offers, even when they’re built on a foundation of lies.

“I missed you, Sukuna.” you whispered, your voice trembling despite your best efforts to keep it steady.

“I know.” he replied to you, in a tone that knows. A tone that reveals it all. He knew that you know, you weren’t a fool. You were too smart for it. And yet, here you are. With him, his lying, selfish self, loved by you. “I’m here now.”

You nodded, knowing that was the most you would get from him. “I’m glad you’re home.”

He didn’t respond, but you could feel the tension in his body slowly easing, his breathing becoming more relaxed. You knew this was as close as he would come to letting you in, and you tried to take comfort in it, even though it wasn’t enough.

You lay there in silence, your hand still resting on his chest, listening to the rhythmic sound of his breathing. You wanted to say more, to tell him how much it hurt, how much you wished things could be different. But you knew it wouldn’t change anything. He would always come home, but he would never truly be yours.

So you stayed quiet, pretending for him, for yourself, for the fragile love that still tied you to him, even as it slowly unraveled. You pretended that this was enough, that the fleeting moments of closeness were worth the nights spent alone, the tears shed in silence, the knowledge that he would never be wholly yours.

And in the dark, as you lay beside him, you let yourself believe the lie, if only for a little while. Because sometimes, pretending was the only thing that kept you going.

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EVERYTHING CHANGED WHEN YOU HEARD THOSE WORDS. The doctor's words echoed in your mind as you drove home, your knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel. "A few months, at most," he'd said, and you'd nodded, thanked him even, before walking out of the clinic in a daze. The sky outside seemed unchanged, the world continuing its indifferent spin, while inside you, something had irrevocably shifted.

When you finally made it home, you sat down, the weight of everything settling onto your shoulders like a heavy blanket. The familiar surroundings seemed distant, like you were seeing them through a fog. The elegant decor, the soft lighting—everything was perfect, just as it always was, but it felt like a set piece now, like something you were watching from afar.

You tried to think of what you should do next, what anyone would do with such news. Should you cry? Scream? But nothing came. Instead, a strange sense of calm washed over you, like the stillness after a storm. Maybe this was it—God's way of freeing you from this misery, this life you’d never truly lived.

A miserable existence, that’s what it was. A life spent in the shadow of Ryomen Sukuna, the man who was everything to everyone, and nothing to you. The man who had captured your heart and soul, only to lock them away somewhere deep inside, where they withered, starved of the love you so desperately needed. You’d given everything to be his wife, to play the part in the perfect narrative he’d constructed, and in the process, you’d lost yourself.

The relief that bubbled up inside you was unexpected, but undeniable. You wouldn’t have to suffer much longer. No more pretending, no more aching for a love that would never be yours. No more nights spent staring at the ceiling, wondering why you weren’t enough. Soon, it would all be over. You wouldn’t have to endure this life, this love, for much longer.

You decided then and there—you wouldn’t tell him. What would be the point? He was a man consumed by his empire, by his power, and you were just another piece of his world, another part of his success. Telling him would only disrupt the perfect narrative he had written for himself, and you couldn’t bear to see the indifference in his eyes when he realized that your story was ending.

No, you would continue to be his wife. You would play your part until the very end, letting yourself fade quietly from the narrative, just as you had faded from his heart. And maybe, when it was all over, when you were gone, he might feel something—a twinge of regret, perhaps. But that didn’t matter. Not anymore.

In the stillness of your home, a peculiar sense of peace enveloped you. The silence was heavy, but it was a silence of your own making, one that spoke of an end and a release. You had loved Sukuna with a depth that was both profound and consuming. Your love for him was a force that had shaped your days and your nights, driving you to care for him in ways that went unnoticed and unappreciated. 

But as you faced the reality of your impending departure, a bittersweet calm settled over you. The weight of your unrequited love, the fatigue of constantly giving without receiving, was finally lifting. You had poured your heart into a relationship where your love was met with indifference and infidelity. You had tried to make him see, tried to make him understand, but in the end, the love you gave was never truly reciprocated in the way you had hoped.

Now, as the days dwindle and the finality of your situation becomes undeniable, you found a strange comfort in knowing that the end was near. The thought of liberation from a love that had only ever been one-sided was both heart-wrenching and soothing. You were tired of the endless cycle of giving and waiting, of hoping for something that would never come. And in the quiet of your home, you felt a sense of relief at the prospect of being free from this endless cycle of emotional exhaustion.

That night, when Sukuna returned home, you greeted him with a facade of normalcy. Despite the heavy burden of your knowledge, you smiled at him with a warmth that belied your inner turmoil. You continued to dote on him, serving him his favorite dishes with the same loving care you always had. Every gesture, every touch, every look was a continuation of the role you had played for so long.

You carried on as if nothing had changed, maintaining the pretense of a happy, loving wife. Your actions were deliberate, a final testament to the depth of your love and the extent of your sacrifice. You wanted to give him one last glimpse of the love he had taken for granted, to remind him of what he would be losing, even if he would never fully grasp it until it was too late.

You went through the motions of daily life, engaging with him, listening to his stories, laughing at his jokes. The facade was not just for him, but for yourself as well—a way to preserve a semblance of normalcy amidst the chaos of your emotions. You wanted to leave him with the memory of a wife who had loved him deeply, who had cared for him until the very end, despite everything.

In the quiet moments alone, after he had gone to bed, you would sit in the darkness, feeling the weight of your impending departure. You would reflect on the years you had spent loving him, on the moments of joy and sorrow that had shaped your relationship. And as you faced the end, you found a strange sort of solace in knowing that you would finally be free from the constraints of a love that had never truly been mutual.

The peace you felt was not without pain, but it was a relief nonetheless. You had loved Sukuna with all that you were, and now, as you prepared to leave, you took comfort in the knowledge that you would soon be free from the sadness and longing that had defined your existence.

Sukuna looked up from his plate, his gaze lingering on you with a mixture of curiosity and concern. He could see a flicker of something in your eyes that he hadn’t seen in a long time.

“You seem... unusually happy tonight,” he said, his voice carrying a hint of both surprise and suspicion. “Is something going on?”

You met his gaze, a faint smile on your lips that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “It’s been a long time since we had a dinner like this, just the two of us.”

Sukuna’s brow furrowed as he studied you. “Yeah, it has. We’ve been so wrapped up in our own worlds that it’s easy to forget what it was like before everything got so complicated.”

You nodded, your fingers nervously twisting the edge of your napkin. “I’ve missed this—being with you like this, without all the distractions and complications. It feels like a rare moment of normalcy in the chaos.”

Sukuna’s expression softened, but there was an edge of concern in his eyes. “You seem more at peace than usual. Is everything okay? You’ve been acting... different lately.”

You hesitated, the weight of your secret pressing down on you. “I’ve just been reflecting on things. It’s strange how time changes everything, how we lose sight of what really matters until it’s almost too late.”

Sukuna’s gaze grew more intense, his unease palpable. “Reflecting on what? You’ve been acting like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to keep your voice steady. “It’s just... I’ve been thinking about how we’ve lost touch with each other. How we’ve let life get in the way of what really matters.”

Sukuna’s eyes searched for yours, trying to grasp the depth of your words. “Are you saying there’s something wrong? Something you’re not telling me?”

You looked away, your smile faltering. “It’s not about something wrong. It’s about realizing that sometimes, we need to appreciate the moments we have, even if they’re fleeting.”

Sukuna’s confusion deepened, his concern growing. “You’re scaring me. Why are you talking like this? What’s going on?”

You forced yourself to meet his gaze, your heart aching with the weight of the truth you couldn’t reveal. “I’ve just been feeling... reflective. It’s hard to explain, but I’m grateful for these moments, even if they’re all we have left.”

Sukuna reached out, his hand gently grasping yours. “Are you trying to tell me something? You’re acting like this is a goodbye.”

You pulled your hand away, the pain in your chest almost unbearable. “It’s not a goodbye. It’s just... a realization. I want to make the most of the time we have, to cherish these moments together.”

Sukuna’s face fell, his worry evident. “You’re making it sound like something terrible is happening. If there’s something you’re hiding, you need to tell me.”

You shook your head, forcing yourself to smile through the tears that threatened to spill. “It’s not about hiding anything. It’s about acknowledging that even when things are difficult, we can still find moments of happiness. I wanted tonight to be one of those moments.”

Sukuna looked at you with a mixture of sadness and confusion, his frustration clear. “You’re not making any sense. Why can’t you just tell me what’s going on?”

You stood up from the table, unable to bear the intensity of his gaze any longer. You smiled at him. And even at that moment, he noticed. He noticed it didn’t go up to your eyes. “I can’t. Not yet. I just needed you to understand that despite everything, I’ve always cherished our time together.”

Sukuna watched you with a heart heavy with concern and regret, as you walked away from the table. "Do you still want some wine?"

"No." Sukuna whispers under his breath. "I'm fine."

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

YOU WERE GOOD AT PLAYING ROLES. Sukuna didn't suspect a thing. You continued playing your part, showing up at events, smiling when required, and being the perfect wife that the world expected you to be. He remained oblivious, too wrapped up in his own world to notice the subtle changes—the way your laughter had lost its warmth, the way your eyes seemed distant, even when you looked directly at him.

He carried on with his life, his empire growing ever larger, his influence spreading like wildfire. And on the side, there was her—the woman he met in secret, the one who made him feel alive in ways that you no longer could. He didn’t care to hide it anymore, not really. He knew you knew, but in his mind, it didn’t matter. You were his wife, his possession, and that was enough.

The restaurant was bathed in a warm, subdued light, its cozy ambiance a stark contrast to the storm brewing in Sukuna's heart. He sat across from his date, his smirk easy, a deliberate mask concealing the turbulent emotions beneath. His eyes roamed lazily over the flickering candlelight, his drink half-empty, the conversation flowing smoothly. It was supposed to be an escape, a fleeting distraction from the complexities of his life.

The phone buzzed on the table, its vibration slightly jarring against the relaxed hum of the evening. Sukuna glanced at it, a shadow of irritation crossing his features. He almost ignored it, but a nagging instinct—something primal and insistent—prompted him to check. The screen lit up with an urgent message, and as he read the words, his smirk faltered, replaced by a sudden, unsettling pallor.

His hand trembled slightly as he answered the call that followed.

“Mr. Sukuna, I’m terribly sorry to interrupt your evening. There’s been an emergency. Your wife—she’s collapsed and has been rushed to the hospital. The situation is very serious. You need to come immediately.”

Sukuna’s mind reeled, struggling to process the gravity of the message. His heart pounded furiously in his chest, a cacophony of fear and disbelief.  “What? No, that can’t be right. Are you sure? What happened?” His usual bravado turned into worrisome, strained whispers. “My wife was healthy when I left her at home.”

“Yes, I’m certain. She was rushed in a couple of minutes ago. The doctors are doing everything they can, but it’s critical. Please come to the hospital right away.”

The call ended abruptly, leaving Sukuna staring blankly at his phone. The realization of what he had just heard began to sink in, each beat of his heart echoing with a growing dread. Without a word, he stood up abruptly, his chair scraping loudly against the floor.

“Suku? What’s going on? Where are you going?” Her face is a mask of confusion and concern. “Suku–”

 “I—I have to go. It’s an emergency.” His voice barely more than a whisper, laden with panic.

He didn’t wait for any further questions or explanations. His mind was a chaotic whirl of thoughts as he left the restaurant, the cool night air doing little to calm the storm inside him. The drive to the hospital was a blur, the city lights streaking by in a disorienting haze. Every turn, every red light seemed to stretch time, amplifying his growing sense of dread.

Inside the emergency room, the atmosphere was clinical and cold, a stark contrast to the warmth of the evening he had just left behind. The cacophony of beeping monitors and hurried voices created a symphony of chaos that matched his inner turmoil. He pushed past the reception desk, barely acknowledging the questions they asked him. All he could think about was reaching you, seeing you, and holding onto whatever fragments of hope remained.

“Sir, you need to wait here. We’re in the middle of an emergency procedure.” The nurse said firmly, as Sukuna tried to approach.

Sukuna’s eyes fixed on the form lying still on the gurney, a sight that twisted his insides with a profound ache. The resuscitation efforts were intense, a desperate dance between life and death. He felt a profound sense of helplessness, the cold efficiency of the medical staff contrasting sharply with his own emotional chaos.

 “Please, I need to be with her. I have to—” His voice breaking, a raw plea. “Please let me through—”

“Sir, we need to focus on the procedure. You can’t be in the way.”

Sukuna was forced to retreat, his heart sinking as he slumped against the wall, his fists clenched in frustration and fear. The minutes dragged on, each second feeling like an eternity. He stared at the closed doors of the emergency room, the gnawing fear that he might lose you forever consuming him.

In the cold, stark hallway of the hospital, Sukuna felt his world unraveling. The veneer of control and dominance he had always relied on was gone, replaced by a gut-wrenching vulnerability he had never before experienced. He was left alone with his thoughts, confronting the painful truth that he had been given a chance to face his own failures and regrets.

Everything they could, they tried—but it wasn’t enough. He could see it in their eyes, in the frantic movements that were becoming more desperate by the second. He shouted at them, his voice rising to a roar, demanding they do something, anything. He wasn’t used to feeling powerless, wasn’t used to being afraid. But in that moment, as he watched you lying there, unmoving, unresponsive, fear gripped him in a way it never had before.

He couldn’t lose you. Not like this. Not now, not when he’d taken you for granted for so long. The realization hit him like a punch to the gut. You had always been there, always been his, and he’d never truly appreciated it. And now, as he watched the life drain from you, he felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time—genuine, bone-deep terror.

When the nurses finally stopped, when they turned to him with those solemn expressions, he knew. They didn’t have to say a word. He pushed past them anyway, falling to his knees beside your bed, his hand grasping yours, still warm but lifeless. You were slipping through his fingers. He didn’t want to free you — not yet. He needs you. He still wants you.

“Don’t do this, not yet.” he whispered, his voice breaking, something it never did. “You can’t leave me. You don’t get to leave me.”

But you were already gone. The silence in the room was deafening, and for the first time in his life, Ryomen Sukuna felt utterly and completely helpless. 

Sukuna stayed by your side long after the nurses and doctors left the room, long after the machines were turned off, and the sterile, mechanical sounds faded into an unbearable silence. He gripped your hand tightly, as if somehow, by sheer force of will, he could pull you back from the brink, undo what had just happened. But the truth was inescapable—you were gone.

The world outside continued to turn, indifferent to the agony that churned inside him. Sukuna, the man who had always been in control, who had never feared anything or anyone, was now paralyzed by a fear so intense it consumed him. He had never imagined a moment like this, a moment where he would lose something so irreplaceable.

Memories flashed through his mind—moments he had dismissed, overlooked, or taken for granted. The way you would smile at him when he came home, the quiet dinners you shared, the way you had always been there, even when he hadn’t deserved it. He had grown so used to your presence that he never considered what it would be like without you.

He had thought he could live his life as he pleased, that you would always be there, in the background, silently enduring whatever he put you through. But now, with you gone, the enormity of his loss hit him with full force. It wasn’t just that you were gone—it was that you were gone because of him. He had driven you to this, with his neglect, his infidelity, his arrogance.

His chest tightened, and for the first time in years, Sukuna felt the sting of tears. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried—if he ever had. But now, the tears came unbidden, a raw and overwhelming response to the pain that was tearing him apart. He had lost you, and it was his fault. There was no one else to blame, no way to undo what he had done.

He thought about all the things he would never get to say to you, all the apologies that would never leave his lips. He had always believed he had time—time to make things right, time to explain, time to finally show you that you mattered to him. But now, that time was gone, and with it, any chance of redemption.

Sukuna stayed there, holding your hand, until the nurses gently told him that he had to let go, that it was time to say goodbye. He didn’t want to—he wasn’t ready to. But he knew there was no choice. Slowly, reluctantly, he released your hand, feeling a cold emptiness settle into the space where you had once been.

As he walked out of the hospital, the reality of his life without you began to sink in. The thought of returning to his grand, empty house—one that had always been a symbol of his success, his power—now felt like walking into a tomb. You were no longer there to greet him, no longer there to fill the space with your presence.

And for the first time, Sukuna understood what it meant to be truly alone. All the wealth, the power, the women—none of it mattered anymore. The one thing that had truly mattered was gone, and he was left with nothing but the echo of his own regrets.

As he stepped into his car, the weight of your absence pressed down on him, suffocating in its intensity. He had never been afraid of anything before. But now, as he faced a future without you, he was terrified.

Sukuna sat in the driver’s seat of his car, the door still open as if he might somehow find the strength to run back into the hospital and reverse what had happened. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, knuckles white, and the first sob broke through his defenses, ragged and harsh. He slammed his fists against the wheel, the sound echoing in the empty garage, the pain in his chest mirroring the bruising force of his punches.

Each hit was a release, a desperate attempt to rid himself of the unbearable grief and regret that had settled over him like a heavy fog. Tears streamed down his face, blurring his vision, and he felt a profound sense of helplessness that he had never known. He had always been in control, always been the one to dictate terms, to manipulate situations to his favor. But now, as he sat there, he was powerless, unable to change anything, unable to bring you back.

In the midst of his torment, memories began to flood back—painful, vivid recollections that he had buried under layers of indifference and self-absorption. He remembered the way you would spend hours in the kitchen, cooking meals with a dedication that went beyond mere obligation. You had always taken care of him, preparing dishes that you knew he loved, ensuring the fridge was stocked with his favorite foods.

He could picture you now, in the kitchen of your shared home, chopping vegetables, stirring pots, your face focused and serene. The way you’d hum softly to yourself, the warmth of the kitchen contrasting with the coldness that seemed to have crept into his heart over the years. Every meal you made was a labor of love, a testament to the care and consideration you had for him, even when he had taken it all for granted.

And then there were the times you’d prepare extra food, stock the fridge with ready-made meals, knowing that his schedule was unpredictable, that he might be too busy to eat properly. You’d filled the refrigerator with care, making sure he would have something to sustain him, even when you couldn’t be there. 

He should have noticed the subtle changes in your routine. The house had been unusually pristine lately, the surfaces spotless, the floors immaculate. It wasn’t like you to maintain such a high level of cleanliness without a reason. It was as if you had been preparing the space, ensuring that everything was in perfect order, as if you were orchestrating a smooth transition for him, even after you were gone.

The closets were tidier than usual, the clothes organized and neatly hung. He realized now that you had cleaned out your own belongings with quiet efficiency, not because you were preparing to leave in the conventional sense, but because you wanted to spare him the burden. You had sorted through your things, reducing the mess he would have to deal with, thinking ahead so that your death wouldn’t leave him grappling with the physical remnants of your life.

The laundry was always done, the baskets emptied and folded with a care that went beyond routine. You had taken care of it all, ensuring that he wouldn’t be confronted with chores and tasks that might remind him of the void you were leaving behind. The house had been more than just clean—it had been meticulously arranged to make his life easier, to ensure that the practicalities of your absence wouldn’t add to his grief.

In the midst of his grief, the realization struck him with the force of a revelation. You had been planning for this moment all along, your every action a carefully orchestrated preparation for the inevitable. You had thought of everything—how the house should be, how his daily life should continue without disruption, how he might cope with the void you would leave behind.

And yet, despite all your foresight, he had been so absorbed in his own world, so blind to your quiet efforts, that he hadn’t seen what you were doing. He had been wrapped up in his own needs, his own desires, oblivious to the depth of your sacrifice.

Now, as he sat there in the car, the weight of his regret felt almost unbearable. You had given him a gift of love so profound, so selfless, and he had only realized it in the harshest of moments. He had been given a chance to appreciate you, to see how deeply you cared, but it had come too late.

The house was prepared, the chores managed, the meals cooked—all to make sure that your departure wouldn’t add to his burden. And all he could do now was mourn the loss of someone who had loved him so completely, while he had remained unaware of the full extent of their care.

The realization hit him with a crushing weight. You had been preparing him—preparing him for a future without you. You had known, on some level, that your time was limited, and you had tried to make things easier for him, to ensure he wouldn’t be left entirely lost when you were gone. You had left behind a legacy of care and love, even in your absence.

The tears flowed more freely now, each one a testament to the depth of his regret. The sight of the empty kitchen at home, the pristine rows of shelves, the meticulously arranged pantry—all these things that once seemed so ordinary now felt like a poignant reminder of the love he had squandered. You had been his rock, his constant, and he had never truly valued it until it was too late.

Sukuna’s sobs grew louder, more desperate, his grief palpable in the confined space of the car. He felt as if he were drowning in a sea of his own making, surrounded by the memories of what he had lost and the realization of how profoundly he had failed you. The realization of your love, the sacrifices you had made, and the undeniable truth that he had only seen it all now, when it was too late, was a torment unlike anything he had ever known.

He sank forward, resting his head on the steering wheel, letting the tears fall harder than before, his body shaking with the intensity of his emotions. He wished he could turn back time, could undo the mistakes he had made, could tell you how much you meant to him. But all he was left with was the crushing weight of his actions, the echoes of your love, and the empty space where you once were.

[vrystalius]

Hey Miss Vry.

I saw your asks were open for demons and after reading the others I'm curious, could you do a "The demon that..." for Muzan; kind of the demon that I would trade my humanity for? (yes I occasionally simp for this Dominant man :"> and I'm blushing to hell for asking :P) Just a thought.

Hope you are doing great :)

The demon that I would trade my humanity for

(Muzan x sick!reader)

You have been sick since birth. You cannot walk, nor can you crawl, damned to lay in bed all day and to rot in your own misery. The only nice thing about your day is when it’s over. That way, the sun disappears behind the tall mountains and stops mocking you for not being able to feel the touch of its rays on your fragile skin.

“I see myself in you.”

That’s what the demon across you said after visiting you for the fifth time. This handsome man wanted to devour you the first time he broke into your estate, but was amused by the lack of fear or even a reaction from you. You lived your whole life in pain or misery, it’s no different if it ends in misery as well. You don’t care anymore.

Muzan Kibutsuji is the name of the demon, you learned. He’s often talking about how humans are pathetic creatures and deserve nothing but death, while his cold fingers and sharp nails brush your hair in an oddly comforting touch. He would talk about his search for the blue spider lily, the only thing that keeps him from taking over all of Japan and the world. The only thing that will keep him from becoming a god and rule over everything.

You were entertained by his speeches and were intrigued by this self-proclaimed demon king. You always heard about his achievements as a demon, how he established a ranking system and how every demon serves him. But you never found out or how he became like this.

“I was like you. A sick, frail human. The doctors said I will never reach any age after 25. I was supposed to die as painfully as I lived.”

You’re surprised to hear what he once was, and what he is now. Someone as sick as you became such a handsome, powerful creature?

Muzan almost pities you. You’re in the exact situation he was in all these thousands of years ago, just that he had no demonic lover that would take care for him. You don’t even know how truly infatuated he is by your fragile being.

One day, he decided to give you an offer you couldn’t possibly refuse.

“I could turn you into a demon, just like me. We would to rule over my lowly demons and destroy the Ubuyashiki family line. We could conquer the sun, together.”

Muzan would offer turn you into a human in exchange for a simple kiss. But as he leaned in, he scraped his fangs across the inside of his lips, drawing blood. The feeling of your lips against his felt like heaven, or how he imagined it would feel to walk under the sun without scorching up.

His blood mixed with your saliva. Suddenly, your whole body felt like it was on fire. Your body twitched and contorted, and you soon fell limp against Muzan.

“Now you and I are bound together, my dearest. Forever.”

💠

I feel so honoured to be called Miss. It makes me blush xD But anyways, thank you so much for requesting! I hope you liked this and this suits your tastes. Muzan is one of my favourite characters in kny, besides Sanemi, Genya, Yorichii & Michikatsu and Douma. Yes, I have a lot of faves…

Make sure to EAT, SLEEP and DRINK enough

Take care of yourselves!

The demon that… (masterlist)

[rynwritesreid]

Twisted affections| Spencer Reid & Aaron Hotchner

Summary: Both Hotch and Spencer realise they both have feelings for you. They decided to approach reader about the possibility of sharing a relationship with both of them. Hotch, acting as a protective father figure, and Spencer, more discreet but equally protective. They approach reader together to talk about the possibility of a unique relationship.

Content: Smut. 18+. Fem!Reader. Mean Dom Hotch, Soft Dom Reid, Sub reader. Threesomes Oral sex (M! receiving). Fingering. Degrading. Praise. Overstimulation. Anal. Double penetration. Candaulism. Voyeurism. Exhibitionism. Breeding kink. Marking. Pet names.

A/N: This is my first time writing about a threesome. I hope you enjoy it :)

Masterlist| requests are open| Navigation

4.0k words

When you first joined the BAU, fresh faced and doe eyes, Hotch and Spencer immediately noticed you. Of course, Hotch had interviewed you, but he just now realised how beautiful you really were. See, you have this radiant smile, one that everyone on the team looked forward to seeing. You were a generous, empathic, and all-around good person. Everyone on the team loved you, especially Hotch and Spencer.

 

Hotch cared for you like a very protective father, he would glare at anyone who so much as looked at you in the wrong way. Spencer, however, was more discreet. He wouldn’t shoot evil glares at the men who did flirt with you or look at you as if you were on display. He was still protective over you, he would always go in-front of you when you were in the field, he made sure the people we were trying to catch didn’t come close to you. When everyone else was sleeping on the jet, he would come put a blanket over you.

Though at some point, Hotch and Spencer must have realised there was no point fighting over you. They both wanted you and neither of them wanted to be the one without you. They could tell how you felt about them, they saw how you looked at them, how you acted around them. Because of this, they knew they needed to come up with a plan together, one where they would both win, and where you would be able to have both of them.

 

They decided to talk to you about it, to see if you were open to the idea of sharing a relationship with both of them. It was an unconventional arrangement, but they couldn't deny how strongly they both felt for you. They decided to wait for the perfect moment. One where it would just be you three alone, they didn’t want anyone else on the team to know what was happening or that you three could possibly be in a relationship together.

 

This came quicker than expected, it was after a case, it wasn’t particularly gruelling, but it wasn’t an easy case. You didn’t want to go home straight away, you lived alone and sometimes you would just stick around the headquarters to do some paperwork or relax for a little bit. Hotch and Spencer were also there, you knew why Hotch was there, but you weren’t really sure as to why Spencer was still at work.

 

As you sat at your desk, Hotch and Spencer approached you. They were both standing on either side of you, and their presence made your heart race.

 

“Hey,” Hotch said softly, “we wanted to talk to you about something.”

 

You looked up at him, and then at Spencer. Both of them were looking at you intently, their expressions a mixture of nervousness and hope.

 

“Sure, what is it?” you asked, unsure of what to expect.

 

Spencer cleared his throat, and then spoke up. “We’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and we wanted to ask if you’d be willing to try something with us.”

 

Your confusion must’ve shown on your face because Hotch stepped in to explain.

 

“We both care for you deeply, and we don’t want to lose you. It’s an unconventional arrangement, but we were wondering if you’d be open to the idea of being in a relationship with both of us.”

 

At first you were apprehensive of the agreement, unsure if this something you truly wanted. They were both attractive to you, and you have developed a crush on the both of them. You sat there in silence, looking at neither of them.

 

You needed time to process this unusual proposition, but you also didn't want to dismiss it right away. You thought about how much you care for them, how they both make you feel, and what it would be like to be with both of them at the same time. It was a lot to take in, and you didn't want to hurt either of them by jumping to a decision too quickly.

 

After a few moments of silence, you looked up at them and spoke softly, "I need some time to think about it. It's not something I've ever considered before, but I appreciate you both being honest with me."

 

Hotch and Spencer nodded understandingly, giving you the space, you needed to process. They didn't want to pressure you into anything, but they also didn't want to lose you. They cared for you deeply and were willing to try something new if it meant keeping you in their lives.

 

Over the next few days, you thought about the proposition more and more, and you couldn't deny the attraction you felt for both Hotch and Spencer. You found yourself fantasizing about them, imagining what it would be like to be with both of them at the same time.

 

Finally, you decided, and you called both Hotch and Spencer to your apartment. You took a deep breath and looked at each of them in turn, taking in their handsome faces and the heat that rose in your body at the thought of being with them.

 

"Okay," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I'm willing to try it."

 

Hotch and Spencer exchanged a look of relief and excitement, and they both leaned in to kiss you on either cheek. You couldn't believe what was happening, but you were also excited to see where this would lead.

 

You had never been in a relationship with two people before, and you weren't sure how it would work. But as their lips pressed softly against your skin, you felt a sense of comfort and safety wash over you.

 

"We just want you to know that we care for you deeply," Hotch said, his voice low and soothing.

 

"We don't want this to be just some fling, we want to build something meaningful with you."

 

Spencer nodded in agreement, his hand squeezing yours gently. "We know this isn't the traditional way of doing things, but we believe that the three of us can make this work."

 

They didn’t spend too much time at your apartment, they didn’t want to rush you or put pressure on you to do stuff with them. They wanted you to be relaxed, calm and happy about this. They were just as nervous as you, this was completely new for them too.

 

The first time you did anything with them, it was just you and Spencer. He was caring, gentle and passionate. He made you cum three times before he even allowed you to give him head or before he would fuck you.

 

Hotch on the other hand, was rough. He fucked you until you were begging for mercy, and then he would flip you over and fuck you again. He loved to slap your ass as he slammed into you, he loved to hear you scream, and you loved it too. He liked marking you, he wanted other men to know they didn’t stand a chance with you.

 

They both had different pet names for you, Spencer liked to call you his princess or good girl. Hotch wasn’t as nice. He would call you a slut, sometimes a whore. Hotch loved to degrade you, he loved letting you know that he was in control of you at work and at home.

 

He loved making you wear slutty clothes when he was with you, or when you were going out. Hotch liked to watch how Spencer would react, or how other men would stare at you. You liked the attention too, but also liked knowing that you would be going home with either Spencer or Hotch. They were both protective of you, and they made sure that they were the only ones allowed to fuck you. They didn’t want another man to have you because you were theirs and theirs alone.

 

Hotch had invited you to go drinking with him. He made you wear this insanely short skirt, and a top that had no back to it. You were showing off your tattoo to some guy, you were a little drunk, and you couldn’t believe how confident you were. You could feel his eyes on your ass, and you were aware of every move you made.

 

Hotch marched over to you, sat on stool besides you, and pulled you onto his lap. It was a big move, the move that drove it home for you that you belonged to him (and Spencer). He cupped your face in his hands and stared into your eyes. "You’re mine tonight, remember that.”

 

"Yes, Sir" you said, and he smiled. 

 

You smiled back at him, and then you kissed him, letting him know that you were on board. He kissed you back, and then you felt his hand creep up your thigh, under your skirt. He let out a groan as he felt how wet you were.

 

"You like showing off your goods to other guys, don’t you?"

 

You nodded at him, knowing that you were in trouble. "Yes, Sir..." you began.

 

"When you wear this outfit, you’re pretty much advertising yourself aren’t you?"

 

Though Hotch had asked you to wear it, you had worn it before. You loved the attention it had gotten you, much like you did now.

 

"Yes, Sir" you said, afraid you were going to regret agreeing. 

 

"In that case, I’m going to have to punish you till you learn your lesson,” he said.

 

You whimpered, but you nodded in agreement. You knew you’d been a bad girl; you didn’t know what type of punishment you were in for. Hotch went to the bathroom quickly, just after he had told you to wait for him. What you didn’t know was that he was not only calling for a taxi but also calling Spencer to let him know what had happened at the bar.

 

You waited for a few minutes, feeling a little stupid as you were dressed like a slut, just sitting in the bar. You felt eyes on you, and you knew you were being watched. You were slightly aroused by the attention, and you knew it was what both Hotch and Spencer wanted.

 

Hotch came back from the bathroom and told you he ordered a taxi. He took your hand and led you outside. You didn’t dare say a word to him, you didn’t want to make the punishment any worse than it already was going to be. Once you were in the taxi, you could feel Hotchs hand climb up your thigh, he was running his fingers over your panties to feel how wet you had become.

 

Once you had arrived at his house, you could see a light was inside. You thought maybe Jack was there, but you knew he wouldn’t have brought you back to his place if his child was going to be there. You wanted to ask, but you knew Hotch had a plan for you. When you stepped inside you saw Spencer sitting there with a disappointed look on his face.

 

"You both are disappointed in me" you said, looking down at the floor. You knew you had been a bad girl, and now you were going to pay for it. 

 

"Yes" they both said in unison.  

 

Hotch turned to Spencer and raised an eyebrow. "What should we do about her?"

 

Spencer sighed and told you to "go get undressed, we're going to get you out of this,” he said it in a tone you had never heard from him before.

 

You did as you were told and stripped your clothes off.

 

“Good girl” Spencer said, still with disappointment in his voice.

 

You looked at him and saw him smiling at you, then you looked at Hotch who gave you a look that said, "I'm not done with you yet, but we will get to that."

 

"Now, get to the bedroom and get on your knees" Spencer ordered.

 

You did as you were told, you knew it was easier to just do what they ordered. You got on your knees close to the bed, you knew what was coming but you were still nervous.

 

You heard footsteps coming up the stairs, you couldn’t tell they were Spencer’s or hotch’s. You saw the door slowly open, and watched Spencer walk in. He walked over to you; he still didn’t look happy. He put his hand under your chin and forced you to look up at him.

 

“We’re so disappointed in you. You’ve never acted like this before. Are we not giving you enough attention?” Spencer asked. He was smirking at you, but you knew there was some part of him that was wondering if they weren’t give you enough attention.

 

You shook your head, and whispered a no.

 

“That’s what I thought. Hotch is going to come up in a second, okay. He’s going to deal with you first.” He didn’t seem disappointed that he wasn’t going to be the first one to use you tonight, so you wondered what else they had planned.

 

It wasn’t long till Hotch was then in the room. He didn’t walk over to you straightaway, instead he started to undress himself. You saw Spencer walk over to him and ask him something, but you couldn’t make out what he was saying, but you saw he walked out of the room.

 

Hotch looked towards you, "you know, Spencer has been talking about getting you some nice toys, I think today is the day he lets you have them" he said.

 

Spencer hadn’t mentioned anything like this to you. But now you knew they discussed you when you weren’t with them.

 

He made his way over to you. He leaned down close to your ear and whispered, "I’m going to let you suck my cock, and I’m going to let Spencer go get the toys he wants to try out on you.” He bit down gently on your ear, and you moaned in response. 

 

You wanted to try everything with them, you wanted to feel every action that they could bestow on you.

 

“Now be a good girl and open your mouth.”

 

You did as you were told, and you opened your mouth. He slipped his cock inside. He grabbed the back of your head; you knew he was going to be extra rough with you tonight. He pushed his cock all the way to the back of your throat, you gagged a little, you weren’t expecting this to happen straightaway.

 

"Good girl,” he said, “I think you’re a fan of me using you like this.”

 

You felt your eyes staring to water, wondering where Spencer had gone, but you were too focused on Hotch to really care. He started to thrust, he wasn’t gentle, it rough and the way his hand was grabbing your hair was kind of painful. But you loved every second of it.

 

He let out a moan, and you knew he was going to cum. He pulled his cock out of your mouth, and you looked up at him, he stroked his cock for a few seconds, and then you saw him shoot his load all over your tits and your chest. 

 

After he had caught his breath, he told you to lay on the bed. Again, you did as you were told, it was easier this way. Once you were fairly comfortable, you saw Hotch had some rope in his hands. You started to feel one of his hands tie the rope around your ankles, tying them to the bedposts.

 

Hotch's hand ran over your pussy, he was playing with you. He was making you want him. You needed him to touch you. You weren’t sure when, but you noticed Spencer had come back in the room. You didn’t see him holding anything, but you knew he had gone to get something.

 

Once Spencer was stood next to you, his hands were roaming your body. He started to pinch your nipples, he also wanted to tease you. You felt Spencer move his hands off you. Suddenly you felt his hand on your face, and you heard him say, "Smile."

 

You smiled at Spencer, and you heard the sound of a camera. Unsure is he had just taken a picture of you. Spencer than walked over to where Hotch was. They took turns in fingering you, the other one taking pictures and videos. You couldn’t believe how turned on this was making you. You wanted to cum so badly, but you knew they weren’t going to let that happen yet.

 

You suddenly heard Hotch speak, “Maybe we should show everyone on the team these. Show them how much of a slut you are for us. How much we make you moan. Maybe we should even go back to bar and find that man you were flirting with, I’m sure he would love these photos.”

 

You whimpered as you heard him say that. It was true, you didn’t want any of your co-workers or your friends to see these, and you knew they would never talk to you again. You wondered if he was really going to do that, and if he did you would have to quit your job. Spencer leaned in closer and said, "Don’t worry, we'd never let that happen, but we want you to have something to remember this by."

 

They continued this for a while, and every time you came close to cumming, they would stop. They wanted to edge you, they wanted to see how long you could take this. You though were just a moaning mess, covered in Hotch’s cum with your mascara running down your face.

 

After what seemed like forever, you heard Hotch talk. “This is unfair on Spencer, don’t you think.”

 

You nodded in agreement. And felt them both stop what they were doing. You saw Spencer step back. He started to undress himself. Once Spencer was completely naked, you felt him climb on top of you. He slipped his cock into you, and you moaned out in pleasure. You were so close to cumming. Spencer started to thrust faster, slamming his cock into you.

 

“You want to cum, don’t you?” Asked Hotch in an almost menacing tone.

 

You nodded, unable to find any words.

 

“Well, only good girls get to cum. And you haven’t been a good girl, have you? So, you’re going to have to hold it.”

 

You didn’t know if you could, but you did know you were going to have to try. It wasn’t long till you felt Spencer steady his speed, you knew he was close. You wanted to beg for him to cum inside you, but you were unable to speak. But Spencer didn’t plan on pulling out, if he was being honest, he wanted to get you pregnant.

 

Spencer slammed into you one last time, and you heard him grunt a second later, and you felt his warm cum inside of you. You felt full, but you hadn’t been able to cum all night.

 

“Did you like this baby?" Hotch asked you.

 

You nodded. "I want to cum, please." you pleaded.

 

"You won't cum without my say so, and since you decided you wanted to flirt with other men, I don’t think we should.”

 

You wanted to cry, you wanted to beg. But you heard Spencer say something.

 

“I think she’s learnt her lesson Hotch, plus I really want to try something new.”

 

"I don't think she deserves to cum, she needs to learn her lesson." you heard Hotch say in return.

 

You were about to say something, but Spencer cut you off. "I know, but I think we should let her cum, how about we try something new out? Something she’s never done."

 

“What have you got in mind?” 

 

“Well, I haven’t fucked her ass before, and I think she would like that.”

 

You whimpered, that sounded painful, but at that point you would do anything to cum. You felt them both untie your legs, so Spencer would have easier access.

 

You felt Spencer move off you, and you heard him open a new bottle of lube, you were a little confused, you didn’t think they had brought any in. Hotch told you to get on all fours. Again, you did as you were told.

 

You felt a finger at your entrance, he was getting you ready. You were scared, and nervous, but you were more than ready for this. 

 

You felt him push his finger inside you, he wasn’t gentle, this felt like his cock, and it hurt. But you loved every second you felt him slide his finger in and out of you. He pushed a second finger in, and you moaned out, you couldn’t help it, you loved the way he was fingering your ass.

 

After a while, you felt him slide another finger into you.

 

“Do you think she’s ready Hotch?”

 

“I think she can take it,” Hotch replied.

 

You gripped the sheets as you felt him slide more and more inside you. He didn’t take it slow, but he did take his time, he didn’t want to hurt you anymore. 

 

It felt like your ass was on fire. It hurt so much, your hole burned, and you felt like you couldn’t take anymore. But you knew you had to. Spencer pushed all the way inside you and stopped. He waited for you to get used to it. 

 

He waited for you to relax, and you did. It still felt weird, and you felt full. But you managed to relax, and you enjoyed the feeling of being full. 

 

You then felt something against your clit, it wasn’t Spencer’s or Hotch’s hand. You then felt it start to vibrate, so you instantly knew what it was. You couldn’t help but start to moan. It truly felt like heaven, but then Spencer pulled out. You were confused, wondering what was about to happen.

 

Hotch asked you to step of the bed for a moment, to which you did. He got on the bed, close to the edge so his legs were hanging of the end. He told you to get on top of him.

You were so confused, but you did as you were told. You felt his cock start to enter you, and Spencer returned to his previous spot. You realised what was about to happen. Once they both in you, you felt the vibrator return.

 

It hurt a little to feel both of them enter you, but after a while, it felt amazing. Spencer thrust into you from behind, holding your hips. Hotch was underneath you, his cock deep inside you. He watched his younger agent fuck you from behind. He had a look of pure lust on his face. 

 

Hotch watched you bounce on his cock, he could see the pain on your face, and the pleasure. Spencer grabbed your hair and pulled you back. He kissed your neck.

 

You were moaning in pleasure, you had never felt like this before. 

 

You started to lose yourself. The feeling was amazing, they were filling you up at the same time. You wondered if you could cum like this. 

 

Then Spencer said, "God she’s so tight”

 

Both Spencer and Hotch started to thrust faster and faster, you knew you couldn’t hold on any longer. 

 

Pleasure took over, and you couldn’t control yourself. You were moaning out, and you couldn’t stop. You felt an overwhelming sensation throughout your body, you started to tense up.

 

The vibrator was still attached to your clit, so you came hard. You were unable to moan out, it hurt too much, but you knew they would know. 

 

Spencer and Hotch continued to thrust into you, but they couldn’t hold on much longer. You could feel that they were close as well.

 

You felt Spencer slam into you one last time. He grunted and pulled out; you were left with his cum inside of you. It felt like it was everywhere, you felt so full. 

 

Hotch grabbed hold of you, he grabbed your ass and threw you down on him. He rammed into you hard, and he came as well. He came inside you, and it felt amazing. 

 

You fell to the side of the bed. You were exhausted, and you felt like you had been through so much. But you had enjoyed every minute of it. 

 

Spencer went to get towels and Hotch went downstairs to get you some food and water. You felt complete, and you can’t believe for one second you ever doubted this relationship.

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[rachetmath]

Retracing Steps

Nora: Jaune?

Jaune: *researching*

Nora: Jaune?! Jaune?!!

Jaune: What?

Nora: Jaune I get you and Lewis were friends but he’s gone.

Jaune: I know.

Ren: So what are we looking for? His grave?

Jaune: No. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Emerald: Then what is it?

Jaune: His first draft.

Nora: You mean his book?

Jaune: Yeah. Lewis censored a lot of information. More importantly, his story was based on his diary. I don’t know what happened to him but he still lived in Vacuo or moved. He had to have taken it with him.

Nora: But what’s so important is that you need his book.

Jaune: *silent*

Nora: No. Jaune you’re not thinking– Are you-

Jaune: Slow down. Yes, I’m looking for a way to return to the Ever After. But not for me. For Salem.

Ren: What?

Jaune: When I was in the Ever After, I thought Ascension just meant death. Which it is. However, it’s also about rebirth. Making changes in one’s self. 

Emerald: And? What does this have to do with Salem? 

Jaune: Think about what Ruby told us. Salem failed to learn the value of life and death. In The Ever After you still die but-

Emerald: Salem’s immortal Jaune.

Jaune: Listen. After you die or are taken by the tree as Ruby described, you are sent to the forger. The forger has the power to create, reforge, and repair you.

Nora: Jaune we fail to see your point.

???: I get it.

Ren: Ruby? When did you and your team-

Ruby: Sorry. I was looking for Jaune a while ago. They were just helping me look. I wanted to talk but that can wait. Jaune, if what I’m guessing is correct then if you find this portal back to The Ever After, you can send Salem there.

Jaune: Yes. However once I find it and see if it works, I need Raven there before sending Salem. 

Yang: Why my mom?

Jaune: Her semblance allows her to travel anywhere as long as she has been there before. 

Ruby: And unlike the staff, it ignores time and space. That means Raven can easily leave the Ever After without having to go through the door again.

Emerald: Okay. Stop! You keep talking about the Ever After but what about Salem?! What does any of this have to do with beating Salem?!

Ruby: *smile* It’s possible but only a theory. If we send Salem to the Ever After, allowing the tree to take her-

Weiss: Then she ascends. 

Blake: Allowing the forger to reset her.

Yang: Leaving her-

Jaune: That’s right.  She can be imprisoned or she can return but maybe as… a mortal.

NER: !!!!

Nora: Meaning…

Ren: She can finally be killed.

Ruby: Exactly. 

Nora: Yes! Fearless Leader strikes again. *hugs Jaune*

Jaune: Nora, calm down. Besides like Ruby said it’s theoretical. And even so, she could come back maybe stronger than before.

Weiss: Maybe. But still-

Yang: It’s better than nothing.

Jaune: *continues his research*

Ruby: Hey, can you all leave for a minute? I want to talk to Jaune alone. 

NER and WBY: *leave*

Jaune: *sigh*

Ruby: I’m… I’m… I’m sorry.

Jaune: For what?

Ruby: For what happened on the bridge? 

Jaune: *stops what he’s doing for a second*

Ruby: I… I figured out what happened. Put two and two together. And… I’m sorry.

Jaune: *continues working* Just promise this. Don’t be like them.

Ruby: Like who?

Jaune: Pyrrha. Penny. And Alyx.

Ruby: I don't -

Jaune: Pyrrha thought she could do it. Though it was slim she still went in with no way out. She could have lived to fight by our side if she hadn't been egotistic. Penny could have lived if she had been a little more selfish. Willingly to put her life first before others. What made her death even sadder was… she died a puppet on the strings. Alyx died because of ignorance. She thought irrationally. Jump to conclusions. Not taking the time to think things through. All those things probably are what ultimately led her to her death. She was truly a naive girl.

Ruby: *silent*

Jaune: Look Ruby, your silver eyes are not the only things that make you special. And just because you get praise for it doesn't mean you should let them define you. You are not alone. So please, count on me to help. Or at least your team. Don't die over pride. 

Ruby: *hugs Jaune*

Jaune: Hm. Hey, what's- …oh.

Ruby: *in tears* 

Jaune: *sighs and smiles* Alright, I’ll take a break, for you at least.

Ruby: Thank you.

[allywthsr]

WARMING UP | (l.norris)

summary: you come home from a shopping trip and Lando warms you up

wordcount: 1k words

pairing: landonorris x fem!reader

warnings: none!

notes: Y/N is friends with Charlotte Síne

advent calendar

”Lando? You home?“

You were coming back from a shopping trip with Charlotte, even after Charles and her broke up, you two stayed good friends. And with you living in Monaco, because Lando and you moved here a few years ago, and most of your friends in different countries, you were glad to have a friend near you.

You just came into the hallway and yelled out for Lando, it was freezing in Monaco, and you forgot to put on your gloves, your shoes also weren’t the best ones to keep you warm, you kept looking out for new ones, but you haven’t found the perfect pair yet. With still your bags in your hands you yelled out for Lando one more time. ”Lando?“

He also didn’t answer, you wondered where he could be, so you put the bags on the ground, grabbed your phone out of your purse, and checked his ’Find My‘ status, you two had the location tracker on, on your iPhone, so you could always see where the other was, it wasn’t like you two were stalking the other, mostly you were together anyways, but it was nice to have it when you’re shopping together in a mall and lose the other. Or for a situation like this, when you came home from something and he wasn’t answering, the little picture you set for him appeared close to you and in your building, quickly you removed your shoes and the rest of your winter clothing and went for the hunt of Lando Norris.

First, you checked the living room, no sight of Lando, next you looked into the kitchen, maybe he was making himself a tea or a snack, but no, no Lando. Maybe the bedroom? Nada. You checked both bathrooms but he also wasn’t there, utility room was empty as well, so the only place he could be was his gaming room. You opened the door and saw him sitting on his gaming chair in front of his computer.

”Lan?“, you softly whispered.

He turned around and his eyes lit up, ”Baby! You’re home.“

He got up and walked to you, embracing you in a hug and pressing a few kisses to your lips.

”Yes, I’ve been looking for you in the whole apartment, even yelled out your name and shit.“

”I‘m sorry, I didn’t hear you. I guess my headphones were too loud.“

”It’s fine, are you streaming?“

”No, just playing some games with the guys, I can log off after the round?“

”Mhm, please.“

He kissed your lips once more and put his hands on your cheeks, stroking them, ”Baby, you’re freezing! Imma log off now, do you want to lie down on the bed? I‘m coming to cuddle after I make you a hot chocolate, yeah?“

You nodded and put your head on his chest, breathing in his scent, with one last look in his eyes, you turned around and went to the bedroom. With fresh clothes, that belonged to Lando, and under the warm covers you already warmed up a little, yet you waited for Lando to come and cuddle you, that way you would be warm in no time.

”I got your hot chocolate, even added some marshmallows, why are you so cold?“, he placed the mug next to the bed on the bedside table, opened the blanket, and slipped in next to you, he opened his arms and you cuddled close to him, lying your head on his shoulder. He reached over to the bedside table and gave you the mug with the hot beverage, you carefully took a few sips after you sat up and answered his question.

”I don’t know, I guess I need actual winter shoes and thicker scarfs, maybe gloves too.“

”Baby, I told you multiple times you need to buy more winter clothing.“

”I know, but it’s so expensive and I can’t seem to find something I truly like.“

”If you want, we can go shopping for clothes tomorrow.“

You nodded and cuddled closer to his chest, you could already feel that your hands got warmer and your feet were warming up too. His legs were entangled with yours, and he tried to keep them as close as possible to his own, giving his warmth to you. You drank the rest of your hot chocolate and gave the empty mug back to Lando, so he could put it back on the bedside table.

”But how was your day with Charlotte?“

”It was good, we had a lot of fun, I can show you the stuff we got later or tomorrow, I tried to find new shoes but you know me, I always buy what I don’t need. I need more space in our closet because I bought like five new hoodies.“

”Why do you buy yourself hoodies? You mostly wear mine anyway.“

You let out some air, ”I know, I just like hoodies, what can I say.“

He let out a laugh and cradled you closer, rubbing your arms with his hands to try and get you to warm up quicker.

”Are you warming up?“

”A little.“

He wrapped his arms around your shoulder again and hugged you close while pressing several kisses to your head, making sure you were comfortable. The comfort he was providing made you sleepy, and your eyes started to close more often.

”I hope you know how comfortable you are, Lan.“

”And I hope you know how perfect you fit inside of my arms, love.“

”I will fall asleep in a second, but please don’t leave me, you’re too comfy.“

”I need to change into my sleepwear, but then I am yours for the night.“

He got up and quickly pulled off his sweatpants and T-shirt, exchanging the shirt for a different one and he kept on his boxershort, he went to the bathroom for a pee and then came back to cuddle you.

”Baby, you’re freezing again.“

”Because you were gone.“

”I am here now, let’s sleep yeah? I will not let you go all night.“

With that, he laid down on his side with you in front of him and he pulled you close to his chest, keeping you cuddled to himself all night long.

[cheeeeseburger]

Illicit affairs

Sergio Perez x Reader

Masterlist

A/N: Hi, I'm not sure about this one! English is not my first language, apologies for the mistakes!

You and Sergio had just gotten into a fight.  It was a big one, the kind that left you wanting space from the other. Since the hotel room forced you to be in the same space, you had gotten on a long walk around town. You had time to think, and although it hurt, your choice was made.

As soon as you walked in the hotel room, Sergio got up from where he was sitting on the bed. “Mi pastelito, I was worried you were not going to come back.” He pulled you in his arms. You hugged him back, taking care to note how he smells, the way it feels to be in his arms, how loved you felt. “This was a stupid fight. Let’s forget about it, okay?” he asked while carefully brushing your hair with his fingers. You immediately got teary eyes.

“Sergio, we need to talk.” You pulled his hand, so you were both sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked so concerned that it only made you want to cry harder. “¿Qué pasa?” You took a deep breath before saying out loud something that would break both of your hearts.

“I think we should stop seeing each other. I can’t be your mistress anymore.”

Every single word from those two sentences hurt. You had been his mistress for the last two years, ever since you had fallen for his charms at a GP. Since you were working for an F1 team, you were at all the races, and you and him naturally started and affair. You knew what you two shared wasn’t right, you knew you were the other woman, but you two shared something so special that you ignored all your moral judgement. You just listened to a lot of Lana Del Rey and cried whenever the urge to publicly show off your love was too strong.

Being his lover was a terribly beautiful thing. Nobody on Earth could ever feel as loved as you when you were with Sergio in private. He adored you and worshiped you for your mind, your body, your love. During those moments, you pretended he was your fiancé, your husband, the father of your children. You cosplayed as his wife. But your fantasy was always interrupted. In public, he had his wife and kids, and you stood to the side, pretending your heart was not longing for more, acting like you didn’t even know him. You let guys flirt with you since you were technically single. They all thought you were playing hard to get when you didn’t text them back.

But after two years of this illicit affair, your heart couldn’t take it anymore. The guilt was starting to be overwhelming. You were afraid of confessing everything anytime someone mentioned his name. This wasn’t fair to you or his family, and that’s why you had to stop seeing each other.

“What? Are you serious?” Unfortunately, you were. You batted your eyelashes to chase the tears away. “Sergio, this has been going on for too long. I can’t live with the thought that I’m possibly a homewrecker.” He looked at his ring finger that was always empty whenever you were together.

“Mi pastelito, you’re not a homewrecker, my wife doesn’t know about us, and she will never find out! We don’t have to stop, please don’t make us stop.” He was in agony, truly panicking when he thought about losing you. You caressed his face, trying to comfort him. You needed comforting too.  “Baby, you know the truth always comes out, especially with your level of fame. This isn’t fair to your children or your wife. I can’t be the one to ruin your relationship with your family.” A selfish little voice inside of you was screaming at you to ruin his family, make him divorce his wife so he’d finally fully be yours. Mine mine mine mine

“I’ll divorce my wife. My children, they’ll understand. It will be fine!” The selfish voice roared at his words, but the rest of you didn’t.  At this point, he was desperate, trying everything to make you stay. “Don’t say that. You don’t mean it. If you divorce your wife to be with me, one day, you will wake up and realize that this was all a mistake, that you should have stayed with her. You’ll start to resent me, I’m sure. I love you too much to let you do that,” you said softly, like you would to a child.

Sergio closed his eyes and let you comfort him. You continued: “I don’t want to be the other woman anymore. I want to be someone’s girlfriend in public, maybe even someone’s wife. I want to kiss you after a race, I want to go out in a restaurant with you, I want the whole world to know we’re in love, but I know you can’t give it to me.”

He immediately protested. “Mi pastelito, that’s what I’m saying! I’ll get a divorce, and I’ll marry you instead. I’ll get you a big diamond ring. We can have a big wedding, so everyone will see. Please, mi amor, give us a chance!”

You gave him a soft kiss. Saying yes would be so easy, and it was everything you wanted. But you could never live with yourself if he let his family down for you. “Baby, it’s okay. It’s all okay. In a few minutes, I’m going to leave this hotel room, and you’ll have to let me go, okay? We will probably see each other at the races, but we will look away and continue walking. The only thing I ask for is that you be the best version of yourself for your wife and your children. Please, work on your marriage, take care of your wife, be the perfect father for your children. You owe me that much.” You were both crying now, realizing that in a few minutes, you would never be in each other’s lives ever again. In a few minutes, you would walk out as a free woman, heartbroken but free, nonetheless.

“I promise. I’ll really try, even though you will always be in my heart. I will always look for you in a crowd, always wish that things had been different. I love you, mi pastelito.” It was his turn to comfort you. He took your hands and gently caressed them.

“I love you too, so much it hurts.” You smiled weakly through the tears. “When I’ll see you with you wife and children, I will be happy. I’ll know that we have done the right things. And when you see me in the paddock with some other guy, you’ll have to be happy, too.” He made a pained face at the last part.

“You know I could never be happy to see you with someone else. You should be with me.” He looked so sad, so hurt.

“Then you know how I have felt for the last two years, whenever I saw you with your wife. That’s why I must go, baby.” You kissed him, and Sergio and you knew it was the last kiss you two would ever share.

It was tender, filled with love and adoration for the other. It tasted like “maybe in another life” and “how come we can’t be together in this one?”. The kiss felt like heartbreak and love at the same time. When you pulled away, the look in his eyes almost crushed you to death. Leaving him was the most difficult thing you had ever done. When you stood up from the bed, he did not let go of your hand. He tried to pull you back, but you stood strong. When he realized you were actually leaving, he kissed your hand and laid his head on your arm. This was the final act of your story. You were the one that got away. If this was a movie, the director would get an Oscar for filmography and another one for screenplay.

He finally let go of you, after what could’ve been minutes or hours. You did not dare to look back as you stepped out of the room, because you knew the look of anguish and despair on his face would be the death of you. When you closed the door, you were not longer a mistress, but a lovesick woman. At least, you were guilt-free. Almost guilt-free.

。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+

The next few weeks were hell. You were missing your lover like crazy, and apparently, so did he, because he had sent multiple texts asking to see you again. Even though the temptation was there, you did not reply to any of his messages. You did read them multiple times and cried a lot over them, but that doesn’t count, right?

The fact that you were working in F1 and attending all the races didn’t help. You wanted to swoon every time you saw Sergio’s face on a poster. On a few occasions you almost ran into him, but you always managed to hide before he could see you. Your heartbeat was so fast and so loud, you swore he would discover you because of it.

To distract you and to respect your part of the deal, you started seeing an engineer. It had been four months since you lost your title of Sergio’s mistress, and when he asked you out, you said yes. He was kind, gentle, and way more into you than you were into him. In other words, he was the perfect rebound.

It was the week of the Australian GP, and the guy who was now your boyfriend took you to a nice restaurant to celebrate your two months. Honestly, things were going great. You were taking things slow with him, and although your stupid heart betrayed you by beating fast every time you saw Sergio, you weren’t nearly as upset as you were three months ago. You felt good about yourself.

You excused yourself to go to the bathroom before dessert. It really was a nice place. You might have had one too many Aperol Spritz, though.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, please excuse me!” You apologized as you ran into a man. When you looked up, it was Mr. Sergio Perez himself, thankfully without Mrs. Perez. That would have been awkward, or at least more awkward than this already was.

“Mi pastelito, it’s you. It’s really you,” was all Sergio said. He wasn’t sure if you were real or not. Perhaps you were cake?

“Hi,” you avoided his gaze and tried to run away, but he grabbed your arm. His touch immediately took you back to endless illicit nights spend together, where you had to restrain yourself from leaving marks on his body. Instead, he left love bites on yours.

“Are you really going to run away from me? Hide from me once again?” Oh, so he had seen you. Oops.

“Sergio, I don’t think this is a good idea. I’m on a date right now, we’re celebrating our two months” you confessed sheepishly.

He held on to your arm possessively. “Yes, I heard everything about that new boyfriend of yours. Congratulations, I guess.” He pulled you closer to him, so he could whisper in your ear. “But I don’t think you’ve truly moved on. I know I sure as hell haven’t. Mi pastelito, does he know you’ll never love him like you loved me? Like you still love me?” He pulled back then kissed you on each cheek, like you were old acquaintances meeting again. “It was lovely to see you. Have fun on your date, mi amor.”

He left you standing there, in shock and more in love with him than you had ever been. A five-minute interaction with him made you head over heels once again. How cruel was that for you, but also for your new boyfriend. When you went back to your seat, your boyfriend happily informed you that an anonymous gentleman had picked up your tab. You didn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out who was the mysterious man.

The next morning, you broke up with your boyfriend.

。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜

Oh, you were definitely tipsy. Perhaps even drunk? But that’s the Miami GP afterparties for you!

Hey baby, it’s me!!!!!!!

Sergio jumped when he saw your name pop on his notifications. It was like a siren call he had hoped for in vain since you left him. He replied immediately.

Hello, are you okay mi amor?

Are you alone?

Yes, why?

Can I call you?

“Hello?” Sergio picked up the phone, confused but happy that you were calling him at midnight.

“Hiiiiiiiiiiii baby, it’s me!” He chuckled when he realized that you were drunk. He would have preferred that you had called him sober, but when it came to you, he would take anything.

“Hello, mi pastelito. Are you alright?” He hoped you were not passed out somewhere. He heard people shouting your name in the background, so you were probably with friends, thankfully.

“Oh baby, I’m doing soooooooo good actually. These guys keep buying me shots. It’s great!” He definitely didn’t like to hear that.

“I think you should slow down. Tell these guys to back off.” You were pleased to hear his possessive tone.

“Are you jealous? Because if you are, that’s hot. All of this is your fault, anyway.”

“Really? How come? And when it comes to you, I am always jealous.” He heard you sigh.

“Well, because I saw you the other day, I had to break off with my boyfriend. It wasn’t fair to him. Now, I’m drunk in the club, and I keep telling people it’s because I just broke up with my boyfriend but really, I’m trying to get over you.” He softened at your words.

“I don’t want you to get over me, mi amor. In fact, I’m glad that you’re not with that other guy anymore. Why don’t you come over and we can talk about it?” You were drunk, but not drunk enough to forget why you shouldn’t see him.

“Checo, I really, really, really think that this is a bad idea. We were doing so good, we hadn’t seen each other in months.” You whined. “But I just miss you so much, I can’t help it.” He smiled at your words. This was the longest conversation you two had since you broke up.

“Don’t fight it, mi amor. Text me the address, and I’ll come pick you up.” Oh, he was good. It almost worked.

“I see what you’re doing,” you could hear him laugh. “Here’s what going to happen, okay? I’ll convince some guy in the club to buy me some shots, and if it works and I get drunk enough, I’ll call a cab to go see you. Text me the address of your hotel, please, just in case.” He wasn’t so sure about your plan.

“I don’t like this. Why don’t I just come pick you up?” He especially didn’t like the part that involved you flirting your way to free shots.

“Come on, baby, learn to live a little! It’ll be a surprise. I’m going to hang up right now, okay?” He tried to stop you, but it was too late. He texted you his location and kept checking his phone to make sure he hadn’t missed your call or a message from you.

Finally, at one in the morning, his phone rang.

“Hey baby, it’s me again!” He liked that you had started calling him baby again. “I’m on my way to your hotel, will you please let me in?” He was already sprinting down to the hotel lobby.

“Of course, mi amor, I’ll be there.”

“Also, the last guy that bought me a drink was pissed that I was not coming home with him, until I said that I knew Sergio Perez really well. He said he would forgive me if you sent him an autograph. Do you think you could do that?” He laughed.

“Yeah baby, I can do that. Are you nearby? I’m in the lobby.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes.” You shrieked when you got to the hotel. “Okay, I’m here. Bye bye now!” You hung up the phone and practically jumped out of the car. Maybe you shouldn’t have drunk that last sex on the beach.

“Mi pastelito, you look gorgeous.” He smiled in appreciation. It’s true, you did look gorgeous, in your short dress that barely covered anything. You gave him a little spin.

“Thank you, baby, it got me so many free drinks!” He chuckled at that, even if he didn’t like the thought of other guys circling you like sharks. “Although maybe I should’ve toned it down, because if I wasn’t so drunk, I wouldn’t be here.” You sighed. He pulled you in a hug, and it was like coming home. It was like nothing had changed. The mistress was back.

“I’m glad you’re here, mi amor.” He kissed the top of your head. “Let’s go inside.”

You didn’t make it to the elevator before you were all over him. As soon as the doors closed, you were kissing him like a starved woman, which is what you were. You had cut him off your diet, but the craving was too strong. He made you sit on the handrail to get a better angle. This could have been a shot straight out of a porn movie, the way you were both desperate to touch the other, the sounds you made. Plus, an elevator scene is always a hit.

“I just missed you so much, baby. I can’t help loving you!” You said between kisses.

“That’s good, because I love you too.” The elevator doors opened. Thank God there wasn’t anyone else. He led to you to his hotel room, never breaking the kiss. Your lover was talented.

Once you were inside the room, he pushed you against the wall to stun you with kisses all over the skin your dress showed. So, basically everywhere on your body. You were already moaning.

“Baby, we have to think. We shouldn’t be doing this. We are supposed to stay away from each other, remember? I’m drunk, so I have an excuse, but you don’t!” He took his sweet time to answer you, as he was too busy marking you.

“It’s funny, I can’t remember anything, except that I love you. Oh well.” You protested weakly. His touch on your body after months apart felt too good for you to remember your morals. You forced him to remove his shirt. You still remembered the number one rule of being a mistress: never leave a mark. You were very careful not to scratch him, even if that’s all you wanted to do. You both made your way to the bed tangled with each other.

“I want to be on top of you, baby, so I can remember this moment. This is our last time, for real this time.” He sat against the headboard and let you straddle him.

“Mi pastelito, I don’t think there’ll ever be a last time when it comes to you and me.” You shut him up by removing your dress. He looked you up and down lovingly. “I missed this, mi amor. You’re way too beautiful for your own good.” He made you blush.

“Thank you, baby.” You started to move on top of him. He gripped your waist to help you move while kissing you. Oh, your affair was so back, whether you wanted it or not.

When he started to unzip his pants, you suddenly remembered one tiny detail.

“After I dumped my boyfriend, I stopped taking the pill. I know it sucks, but do you have a condom?” Sergio shook his head.

“No, mi amor, I was not expecting you to come here, I don’t have anything.”

A big neon sign with the word DANGER flashed in your head, but stupid drunk you decided to ignore it. Having him again was just too good.

“I’m clean, so that’s okay. But we’ll have to be really careful!” He nodded.

“I’m clean too. I’ll pull out, it’s going to be okay.” He started to make you move on top of him again. You continued kissing him. The sign still flashed in your head.

After that, things got hot very quickly. When he got inside of you, you couldn’t help but scream his name everytime he moved. You started to breathe rapidly. Still, you were watching him to make sure he really did pull out. You were already in a big enough mess, adding to it was unnecessary.

“Baby, I swear, I’m going to come very soon.” He was too busy pleasing you to comment, but he did make grunting noises. Why did you two every stopped seeing each other again?

Only a short while later, when you were arching your back, you had your orgasm. It was heavenly. You fell lifelessly against his shoulder, and your guard slipped. You heard him finish inside of you at that exact moment. You gasped, and immediately tried to get off him.

“Oh no, this is bad, like really bad.” He realized his mistake.

“I really tried, I swear!” You weren’t listening to him. You were too busy freaking out.

“I have to... I have to go!” You were scrambling to get dressed. He was freaking out too, more by the fact that you were preparing to leave him once again.

“Mi amor, calm down! It’s going to be fine! At least stay the night, we'll deal with it in the morning!” He was desperately trying to get you to stay.

You were putting on your shoes. “I’m really sorry, but I have to go.” You hadn’t noticed, but you were crying. “This was a mistake. It won’t happen ever again!” You got out of the hotel room. He tried to chase you, but you were running down the hallway, and you were surprisingly fast, even with how much you had drunk.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror in the elevator, you had mascara tears running down your cheeks. You were nothing but an illicit affair. You saw nothing but the other woman in your reflection. This was your Black Swan moment.

[hotgirlssupportlando]

one day x lando norris pt 2

this is a part of my series following one day of every summer from 2016 onwards in y/n’s and landos lives, exploring their friendship and love for one another. ofc not a smooth ride with some angst and fights along the way. a friends to lovers, growing up together kind of thing. read first part here pairing: lando norris x fem!reader summary of this part: lando and y/n crushing hard on each other without the other one knowing. roadtrip to the beach and that kind of cosiness. warnings: a bit of angst? wc: 1,6k part three here

summer of 2017

”are you sure you don’t want the professional race car driver to drive there?” lando said with a concerned voice.

”does this look a race car? it’s a car suited for grandmothers, i could probably run faster than this car can drive. stop being such a wuss now and jump in” y/n demanded. 

lando jokingly crossed himself and told a little prayer before entering the passenger seat. y/n laughed and rolled her eyes at her scared friend.

”i know i only just got my license but i’m actually a decent driver! and besides that i’m the one of us that actually drive on roads, safely, while you’re out there almost killing yourself every other weekend.”

”okay, okay i get it, i trust you, just please keep us alive, i have a race in hungary this weekend” 

”we will just have to hope for the best dear” y/n responded driving away. 

while lando and y/n continued bickering about who of them was the best driver y/n drove along the english shoreline heading for a viewing point. she hadn’t seen him in a while and really missed him during the long periods of being apart. y/n tried her best at concentrating on the road and making a good impression of her driving skills but at the same time she couldn’t stop looking at lando and his beautiful smile. he truly made her so happy with his presence which she hadn’t really realized up until now. 

it was almost a year now since that podium kiss in austria and ever since that their friendship had developed into a special bond. y/n was still crushing quite hard on lando and without her knowing he was too. they’d never really talked about what happened in austria and although they had a very flirtatious friendship it had never lead to anything between them since that podium. this friendship that had now lasted almost a year felt like a once in a lifetime kind of thing and no-one of them wanted to ruin it by expressing their feelings for one another and maybe ruining it all. eventually it had led to them both staying away from any kind of topic regarding their feelings. 

”y/n? what are you thinking about?” lando said waking y/n up from her spiraling thoughts.

”oh, ehm.. nothing. ju-.. just trying to figure out where-, how we’re going to find a nice viewing point before the sun sets” y/n said trying to sound as calmly as she could.

”oh okay, well i know a place. if you just take a left over there and go up that road” lando answered while pointing to a road that was approaching. y/n drove as instructed and after a while reaching a beautiful spot that had a view over the water and a nearby beach. 

”wow this is nice lan, good job. i guess i now know where you take all your girls” y/n winked and playfully nudged lando’s arm trying to seem as unbothered as possible.

”not aaall girls but one thing i can tell you is that this spot has never failed me with the girls, soo-” lando cheekingly told y/n returning the nudge. 

y/n laughed. ”oh you wish norris! i’m not falling that easily, and what makes you think i’m like your other girls? i actually have more than IQ 50”

”heey that last girl actually a decent gcse!” lando whined.

”woow your standards are very high, i’m impressed. you do realize that that describes almost every girl in this country?” y/n joked as lando laughed and shook his head. ”well we will see y/n, don’t be so sure that you can resist me at a place like this” lando winked at the girl. y/n laughed denying it all while thinking that there was nothing that she wanted more than to be lando’s girl. 

—

moments later at the nearby beach

lando was running into the cold water squealing about how it felt worse than ice baths. he looked back at y/n standing on the beach fully dressed with no intention to go for a dip. ”come on now y/n it’s really not that bad!” lando shouted. y/n looked at lando who was clearly freezing and trying to hide it the best he could. ”lan you’re not convincing anyone that it’s not cold, i can see your goosebumps from miles away” she shouted back.

”okay well i bet you’re too much of -”

”lando stop, you can’t just make a bet for everything you want me to do?! that’s not how life works!” y/n interrupted before the curly headed boy could come up with the seventy-third betting game of their friendship. 

lando laughed seeing that y/n once again couldn’t resist his stupid ideas and started to remove her sweater. she continued taking off her skirt and top revealing the black bikini underneath. luckily lando was a bit further out in the ocean so y/n couldn’t hear his ”wow” when he saw her for the first time in that small amount of clothes. he kept admiring how beautiful she was walking down to the water while y/n tried to cover up a bit more of her body with her arms. 

y/n gasped when entering the water and also tried to put on her best show of convincing lando that the water wasn’t at all cold. slowly she waded out in the direction of the boy with full concentration on the coldness of the water against her skin and also on not stepping on any fish. while y/n struggled with this lando chuckled a bit further out in the water without looking away from the beautiful girl approaching him, oh how he had to fight the urge to not run up to her, grab her in his arms and kiss her. but he couldn’t do that. 

”hello? is your last braincell giving up too?” y/n woke lando up from his daydreaming receiving a smile back. as a response he playfully splashed water on her which eventually ended up in them both being totally soaked and heading to the car for some warmth.

—

moments later back at the car the pair of friends were talking in the trunk of the car that had been made to a cosy little space with blankets, pillows and mattresses. both of them were lying on their backs watching the sun set in front of them whilst the waves crashed against the beach. they talked about their future and what they wanted to achieve. the formula 3 driver’s dream future wasn’t hard to guess, formula 1 was of course the ultimate dream but although he was so talented he wasn’t optimistic in getting to that top tier. this however y/n just waved away reassuring lando that if somebody were to get there it was him and tried to fill him with the confidence boosting thoughts he needed to brush away his irrational thoughts.

”but what about you y/n/n? since the day i met you i’ve always been talking about formula one but you’ve never expressed any of your dreams?” he said tilting his head looking at y/n. 

”oh, well i don’t know if i have any specific dreams like you.. it sounds so cliché but i truly just wanna experience so much in my life so that maybe one day i wouldn’t need a storybook to tell my children bedtime stories you know? so i could just tell them about all the adventures i’ve been on instead” y/n responded.

”aaw that’s sweet of you. i’m sure that will happen for you and your kids are gonna be thrilled about hearing all about it. i hope i’ll be a part of at least one of your bedtime stories” lando smiled.

y/n smiled back ”i’m sure you’re going to be, but we both know that i also have too much need of academic validation so i’m gonna have to do something about that first, get a degree in something at least” y/n laughed while thinking about also making her family proud as she was often seen as the ’smart’ one in the family. lando chuckled a bit responding that she was the smartest girl he knew before he opened up his arms for her to come and lay on his chest. y/n snuggled in putting her head on his chest and resting her arm on his stomach. she thanked lando for the compliment although ’the smartest girl he knew’ -bar wasn’t very high to be honest. soon their both giggles died out in to a comfortable silence while the pair were holding each other closely. lando thinking about how he wanted to stay this close to y/n forever and y/n thinking about how lando’s arms were the safest she had ever felt. y/n lied so closely she could hear lando’s heartbeat in the silence. both of them were falling for each other, none of them knowing about the other persons feelings.

”lando?” y/n whispered.

”hm?” lando whispered back.

”can you promise that we will always stay like this? … like friends?” she added as her initial thought about expressing her feelings felt too overwhelming at the moment.

”i promise y/n, always” lando whispered back with a small voice crack revealing tears that were held back. oh how he wanted to tell her the truth.

y/n could feel her heart rip. it killed her slowly thinking about how this embrace and these safe arms didn’t belong to her. and if she never get the courage to tell lando they would never do.

—

taglist

@amberpanda99 @phantomxoxo @landossainz @chezmardybum @lan4cha16

[box-of-roses]

.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. I hear you .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.

♡ Synopsis: You can hear the thoughts of your soulmate; What happens when Sakusa finds out you’re his soulmate and tries to plan the perfect way to tell you

♡ Characters: Sakusa, Y/N

♡ Possible Warnings: Mentions of tests and failing, good old fashioned teasing

♡ Words: 2.3K

Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Series Masterlist

From the moment you’re born you are able to communicate with your soulmate. No one is exactly sure how it works but their thoughts become yours and vice versa. A lot of the time what you hear is nonsense. Since everyone grows up with it constantly in their brain it’s easy to filter out the nonsense from actual conversations. Let’s start from the beginning though shall we?

Y/N is born. Maybe not quite that early, let’s skip ahead to the first coherent conversation you remember with your soulmate. It was just after you had failed a test, which was shocking because you believed you had done well on it.

‘Hey, I don’t know what’s going on over there but will you stop panicking?’ Hearing a voice in the midst of your stupor made you jerk your head up and look around. Seeing nothing on the horizon your brows furrowed and your lips contorted into a frown. ‘Did your parents or teachers not talk to you guys about soulmates? We communicate in our heads.’

That made much more sense as to why you could hear someone talking to you but couldn’t see anyone. ‘Thank you.’

‘Don’t thank me, your panicking made it hard to focus.’ You rolled your eyes at that and stood back up. ‘Just go ask to retake the test if you’re so worried about it.’ That was actually a good idea now that you had thought about it.

And thus the first interaction with your soulmate. Even if they were a bit blunt. You didn’t have many conversations in the early years of your lives. As you approached High School though the conversations came much easier.

‘What high school are you going to?’ You looked down at the three papers in front of you.

‘I’m not telling you that. You might be my soulmate but that doesn’t mean you aren’t a creep.’

‘You’ve literally known me your whole life and can hear what I’m think.’ You rolled your eyes. It was a bit of a habit when dealing with your soulmate. ‘I’m stuck between a couple. We can meet generically if you want or we can go to school together.’

‘Itachiyama.’ What?

‘That’s where I’ll be going to school.’ You felt a smile growing on your face at the news. You pulled out your laptop and began filling out the entrance form.

‘There’s no guarantee that I’ll get in but I’d like to meet you. Talking to you is nice.’

‘I enjoy talking with you too. Now go to sleep, we’re on the same time and I don’t want to listen to you complain about not getting enough sleep.’ It was little things like that. They reminded you that this was in fact your soulmate. Not just a friend that comes and goes. Someone you're with for life, for better or worse.

‘Goodnight K’

‘Goodnight N/N’

You had gotten into the school. Yet you still hadn’t met your soulmate. Well, that’s not entirely true but you didn’t know that you had met your soulmate. The universe works in mysterious ways.

‘I can’t believe it’s been months and I still haven’t met you.’

‘Maybe you have and don’t know it. It is a possibility. It’s a big school and we’re bound to cross paths at some point.’ With a laugh you finished off your notes.

‘I don’t want to force too much. I think it’s a bad idea to figure out a time or place to meet, I have faith in the universe that we’ll meet at some point.’ Tempting the universe too much was never a good idea. Enough movies and shows have taught you that much. Although, it was tempting. Why would it let you get into the same school? Be in the same vicinity but never meet. Not truly at least. Questions for once you found him.

You at least knew that much. Your soulmate was a him, his friends teased him relentlessly for smiling if you said something funny. That he played a sport, and that you two were at the very least friends. You had details but they were still vague enough that it made it difficult to find him.

Day in and day out you would look at people in your classes and wonder if he could be one of them. He of course laughed at you when he heard the thoughts run rampant in your head. If he was in your class you didn’t know, what you did know though was that he was happy you were looking for him. ‘I’m glad you’re looking for me.’

‘Wow? I never expected such a statement from the reserved K’ You smile as you scribble on your paper. Hearts, lines, letters. ‘My mom wants me to join a club.’

‘Which club do you want to join?’

‘Aren’t you in a club?’

‘Yes.’ He wouldn’t tell you which one no matter how many times you asked. “It’d be too easy if we narrowed it down.” He would say. That’s the point. Years of having this voice in your head and no face to go along with it. It was a little frustrating. Your eyes scanned your classroom, many of your classmates had found their soulmates. Purposely going to the same school and meeting each other. The difference between you and them was that they pushed the universe.

You and K had a delicately practiced dance. You would push and he would pull, sometimes he would push and you would pull. Memories of the high school conversation passed in your head. It had been so easy to get that information from him. Why was this so hard? Shaking your head you packed up and went to the bulletin board to see which clubs needed help. What caught your eye immediately was volleyball. You enjoyed the sport well enough. The team was looking for a manager.

‘I think I’m going to apply to be a manager of a sports team.’

‘Maybe it will be mine.’

‘I hate when you do that.’

‘Do what?’

‘I say something and you tease me for being hopeful.’

‘Maybe I was giving you hope.’ You hadn’t thought of it like that. You had always thought of it as him shutting down your attempts. Maybe he was giving you hope, he told you what high school he was going to. He told you he was on a sports team. So now here you stand looking at the sports section of the board and the first thing your eyes landed on was a almost hidden away post.

‘Did you hang up a post?’

‘If I did you wouldn’t know. If I didn’t you still found one that caught your eye and are trying for it. Take a jump. I’ll try to catch you if you fall.’

‘That was cheesy, even for me. But, thank you.’ With newfound courage you walked to the gym, it wasn’t loud since it was before practice. The team would be away on lunch at the moment. You quickly found the coach though. “Hello, I’m here to apply for the manager position for the volleyball team.” You smiled and held out your hand after approaching the man. He looked at you and nodded. He shook your hand and gave a run down on the things you would be expected to do.

“If that’s not too hard you’re welcome to the position. Show up here Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Thursdays as well but that will mostly be a quick stop to let me know if you see anything that I don’t catch and their grades and such.” You nodded along to the information with a wide smile on your face. From what you heard of the team they were really good. And there was a silent hope that you would meet K here.

“Alright, see you after school then coach!” You left the gym and went to lunch yourself. ‘K! I got the position!’

‘That’s nice, why are you yelling though?’

‘Because I’m excited.’ You huffed and sat down at your table. ‘I hope I’m not disturbing your lunch.’

‘We literally talk the whole lunch period everyday. Why are you so worried about it? Did someone say something?’ You smiled at his thoughtfulness. The more you two talked the more thoughtful and caring he appeared.

‘No, I’m just nervous for my first day on the job.’ You knew he was rolling his eyes at that.

‘No need to be nervous. You’ll probably be doing easy stuff and getting introduced to everyone.’ You knew he was right and it was silly to be nervous. You were still nervous though. What if you meet him and he doesn’t like you? ‘Stop. I can hear what you’re thinking, remember?’ Oh. Yeah. That.

‘If we meet I’m sure I’ll like you.’

‘You can’t know that for sure! What if you find me annoying?’

‘You’re not. Lunch is almost over, go to your last classes and then we’ll see if you picked my team.’ You were still nervous but he worked at reassuring you. Even though it didn’t calm you completely it was still nice.

One last skip for now. No one wants to sit in their thoughts. Or at least it’s not healthy to. Let’s see how you’re doing as a manager shall we?

Once you arrived in the gym again you began setting things up. It seemed you were early. Oh well, the coach said that it would be helpful to set up on days you got there before everyone else. Once the net got set up you went searching for the volleyballs. They’ve got to be around here somewhere.

“I would check in the storage closet.” A sudden voice shocked you and you jumped. You turned around and came face to face with one of your classmates.

“Komori right?” He nodded.

“I’ll check with you, the others should be getting here soon. Sorry you had to set it up by yourself.” He seemed nice, you had very minimal interactions in class but you always knew him as kind.

“It’s no problem, I’m your new manager so it was the least I could do.” He smiled at you as he showed you the cart of volleyballs.

“You’ll be meeting my cousin today. Don’t mind him, he can be a little off-putting when you first meet him.” Okay, well that was worrying. ‘K, I met one of the team members and he’s already told me to be careful of someone.’

‘You’ve got this, I wish I could talk but I’m about to start practice and I don’t think either of us wants me to get hurt.’

‘I don’t know, you’ll have more time to talk to me that way.’ You smiled and of course Komori noticed. “Soulmate?” You kind of forgot he was there but nodded.

“Yeah, apparently he’s about to start practice and made a joke.” Komori nodded and helped you push the carts out into the gym. The team had arrived by the time you guys had gotten back. One of them caught your eyes though. The tall dark haired boy. Sakusa. A lot of girls in your grade talked about him and how they wished he was their soulmate. Your cheeks heated up when you remembered you had a soulmate. Now was not the time to be gawking at boys.

‘Who are you gawking at?’

‘No one!’

‘Mhm, like I literally didn’t just hear you tell yourself to stop looking at someone.’

‘It’s nothing, one of the people on the team is just cute that’s all.’ You rolled your eyes and put on a smile before introducing yourself to everyone. “Hello, I’m L/N F/N. I’ll be your manager starting today. It’s lovely meeting everyone.” You stood back up and gave them all a smile. You noticed one of the players stiffened at the interaction. Maybe that’s what Komori said when he said his cousin could be a little off-putting.

You let them get to practice after that though, not wanting to hold them up any longer. Your eyes didn’t leave Sakusa though. He was mesmerizing to watch play. He looked like he enjoyed it. A stark contrast to him looking disinterested a moment ago. Get it together Y/N.

You had been spacing out for so long that it was time to pack up when you finally returned to reality. Komori said he would help you clean up but surprisingly Sakusa also agreed to help. Doesn’t he hate new people though?

‘You have that effect on people. No one ever hates you.’ Your cheeks heated up and you almost dropped the volleyball you were holding.

‘SINCE WHEN WERE YOU SUCH A FLIRT??????’ You placed the ball in the cart and looked around to see if there were anymore as you tried to calm yourself down.

‘I don’t know. I didn’t feel very good listening to you gawk over a guy for my entire practice.’

‘MAYBE IT WAS YOU???? EVER THINK ABOUT THAT???’ Not seeing anymore you turned back around to push the carts back to the storage room.

“Hey L/N, why do you look so flustered?” Komori being ever so helpful to point it out made you even more flustered.

“Because my soulmate decided to be unhelpful and flirt with me.”

“They don’t usually?” It was Sakusa’s turn to chime in now.

“No. Or at least not so obviously.” The boys helped you put the carts back. ‘Thank you so much for that. Now you’ve got people questioning why I’m acting the way I am.’

‘You’re welcome. Get home soon, it’s getting late.’

“Well, it was nice to meet you guys but I need to head home now.”

“See you later L/N”

“Yeah, see you.” With that you left the gym excited that you made more friends.

And with that chapter one is complete. I’m going to write the first chapter for all the installments of the series before continuing with a specific one. So, stay tuned for those! My askbox is open if you would like to request something and love you guys! Hope you enjoyed!

Likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated

Taglist:

Masterlist

[sadcoms]

timepetals thoughts i keep having:

i know that the assumption is “she is my s-” means soulmate but i always think he just thinks of rose as his soul. less that she completes him or is his other half and more that she just is his conscience and any goodness he may have is hers. he was born out of love for her, she is such an integral part of him, she is his soul itself.

i know everyone has taken permanent damage from the “how long are you going to stay with me” and why the general focus is on the doctor’s reaction but the way rose says forever gets to me. she’s not giddy or girlish when she says it, in some ways she almost sounds resigned to it, which has wonderfully angsty connotations in the timeline of s2. but it’s why it really works for me, she is so dead serious and committed when she says it, because she understands everything it means (and therefore part of her feels solemn about it). it has a lot of weight to it. even the first time donna says she’s going to travel with the doctor forever to martha at the end of the doctor’s daughter she sounds a lot more fanciful.

every time i hear the doctor scream when rose loses her grip in doomsday i just think that he would absolutely not have survived her actually being sucked into the void.

i always think the vocals in doomsday are similar to the doctor’s theme so to me the angry rock music is rose’s side and the vocals are his, rather than the howling wolf idea i’ve heard some people compare it to. how the doctor’s theme is lonely and mournful with its sparse instruments but calm, everything the ninth doctor was, while doomsday is heartbroken and angry and an entire orchestra because it’s two people overcome with grief together. how doomsday becomes such a motif for both characters individually, even when they're separated.

i still struggle to comprehend that the doctor wearing floral ties in s3 is canon and NOT a fanfic trope like you're telling the doctor said "i need a floral motif as close to my two hearts as possible" and you're describing him as something other than a grieving widower???

the doctor really could not go anywhere in s3 without running into some kind of couple but i never see people talk about the parallels in 42. “we chose this ship together / he keeps me honest so i don’t want false hope” and the way the doctor literally gives mcdonnell his condolences through gritted teeth?? the fact that she would rather die with korwin than be without him and have it be her fault

that the doctor, king of self-loathing, saw rose dressed as his ninth self and carrying a giant weapon and he not only RAN to her but then deliberately protected her from the trauma of seeing him change again. and then tentoo immediately picks a blue suit to be like now i’m matchey matchey with rose 🥰 the universe was ending and he’d seen rose again for two actual minutes but the doctor was so utterly focused on her.

how tentoo truly is rose's doctor, especially as he's got that little bit of nine in him. he's born out of the same love and protection of his previous incarnations but he loses a heart and the curse of the timelords and goes oh, this is rose's heart. and then he wears the blue mourning suit and yes, there is still mourning, but there is also the start of the rest of their lives together.

how the doctor’s hair most noticeably changed after school reunion to become spikier and less boyish. how that coincides with him using mickey to put distance between himself and rose now that he’s been reminded of rose’s mortality.

how wild the doctor and jack’s conversation in utopia is. the way the doctor says “rose” like it’s an entire explanation in itself because even before she absorbed the time vortex she fundamentally changed the life of everyone she met. the way he says “everything she did was so human” and the way he accepts jack’s sorry to him because there’s no trying to deny his feelings from jack, not when he saw his ninth self. the way jack has BARELY finished his sentence about watching rose grow up when the doctor casually asks him if he wants to die, the almost playful way he says it. one semi suicidal immortal who spent half of the season trying to get himself killed to another, both of them still kind of toying with the idea. both of them trying to have hope even though they've lost so much.

[meanbossart]

Just thinking thoughts about Orin and Drow lore, and idk if this has been asked already, but

If Orin had just disappeared for like a year, not even Sceleritas could find her, with how obsessive pre-tadpole Drow was how would he handle that? Aside from being prideful and murdery, I don’t remember in the pre-tadpole Drow lore about any instance (after he made it to the temple) of him expressing anything else. Did the two ever have a wholesome moment?

Hmmmm not wholesome, no. I'm sorry to disappoint people who might wanted to see a more explicitly vulnerable side to both of them at that stage in their lives, but that's just not... How I envision things. I don't think anyone born into the temple would have had much room to express themselves in the way average people do.

What they did have was an undeniable connection and mutual understanding. This lasted for about 7 years, so between ages 18-25 for DU drow. (Canonically he's currently 28, give or take). I think that, sometimes, they also silently understood among themselves that things weren't always fair or good.

This might sound like a whole load of nothing to some people, but based on the culture within the cult, Orin's story, and the behavior of everyone involved in it, it seems huge to me that two people who were essentially groomed to be the embodiment of murder would harbor any kind of care for one another, even if it was subtle. The fact that they could share a bed, talk shit about Sarevok, and seamlessly work together and share in the glory of their deeds as equals is what intimacy looked like for them - before DU drow's ego (and the very need of a more explicitly intimate connection with someone, to be fair) got to his head.

They killed together, they rolled around in blood together, they bickered and fought and one time Orin stabbed him in the gut and DU drow punched her jaw out of it's socket. Then they flopped down on the ground and cackled about it while Sceleritas rushed in to stop the bleeding. Is that wholesome? I think for deified bhaalspawn who know nothing but that life it's the closest it gets.

There had to have been quiet moments I'm sure. Like Orin waiting around while DU drow got ready to go somewhere, him adjusting her headpiece, Orin slicing her brother's long hair off when he first arrived and looked like some sort of sinewy wood's creature. At night, they probably laid in bed in silence and sometimes stared at each other until either fell asleep.

I am very interested in not inventing an obscured, soft side to Orin that we didn't get to see, you know? While she wasn't always the level of manic we see in-game, she was completely unfit to function normally due to her upbringing, and this reflects in her relationships. DU drow is also undeniably emotionally stunted, just in a slightly different way.

I got off rambling to no one's surprise LOL but to answer the first part of your question - I don't think he would have been quite as dramatic about Orin just up and vanishing, as there's no explicit suggestion of death in that. He would have been insufferable to be around for a while, but in that scenario I could see his duties keeping him busy.

Not to mention that, while through death, she would be leaving him unwillingly - disappearing with no trace implies the uncomfortable possibility that she truly, honestly, just didn't want to be around him. That allows room for contempt and bitterness to fester until you wrongly convince yourself there was never any love there at all, even if just to soothe your own conscience.

He would have just become a much, much worse person that way in the sense that he would have nothing to focus on besides for his lord's will - as horrific as his attitude towards Orin was, it is very much a human feature to desperately cling to connection. With Orin around, he had a little bit of fucked up tenderness and love in him - it was a personal desire completely separate from his "job", a vestige of free-will. Without her, he just has Bhaal and whatever Bhaal wants.

Orin has always unwittingly anchored him, and then, later freed him. And he never ever deserved any of it.

🤷

[buddiebeginz]

Before everyone reads that first look at season 8 from tvline and spirals out about the T*mmy stuff I have some thoughts. First we always knew him coming back was a possibility. Obviously we hoped he wasn’t but at least now we know. Second Tim had every opportunity to make that relationship more solid at the end of season 7 and he didn’t. They didn’t even use the word boyfriend. Tim also could have started off season 8 with them already living together (as the B*mmy’s have wanted to see happen) but it doesn’t at all sound like that’s happening.

If you look at the wording in that article it specifically says they’re still getting to know one another and right after it talks about Buck talking to T*mmy about Gerrard. This to me indicates that Gerrard is likely to be one of the main things that cause issues with Buck and T*mmy. Remember T*mmy’s way of dealing with Gerrard was just accepting the environment he fostered at the time and going along with it to make his life easier (even if that meant hurting Chim and Hen). T*mmy is likely to tell Buck to do the same and they are going to clash over this.

Regardless I still don’t see T*mmy sticking around beyond mid season. I think Buck will be with T*mmy in a relationship similar to that of him and Taylor and in s4. Where he cares and he’s happy but not really full filled and the person doesn’t get who he truly is or what he needs.

And well Buck is figuring that stuff out Eddie will have his queer awakening which I think will be connected to him realizing his feelings for Buck. Buck maybe will still be with T*mmy so then we get some pinning from Eddie. By mid season if not before then B/T ends things (preferably Buck ends it) and this could lead us to something important happening with Buddie before the hiatus.

No matter what I do think Buddie is in the plans and we should all just be patient and let the season start to play out before we let any spoilers upset us.

You’re likely to see B*mmy’s gloating big time after this article but try your best to ignore them. They can take T*mmy coming back as a good sign all they want but I’m 100% positive Tim is not interested in keeping Lou or that ship around long term. Remember Tim loves Buddie too if he didn’t he wouldn’t have made it a point to include them so heavily in s7. And the promo for this season hasn’t been centered around B/T and T*mmy it’s been around Buddie and Eddie.

[callmeby-mylastname]

who’s she?

summary- after your fallout with tara you find comfort in the thing you hated most about her, alcohol.

warnings- some sweet angst, meaningless one night stands and some swears. possible grammar n spelling errors

A/N- thank you anon for the suggestion i hope it lived up to your standards. sorry this took so long i have been so damn busy lately but enjoy🙏

part 1

it had been 3 months since your ‘break up’ with tara and to be completely honest you were doing terrible.

you never liked it when tara drank, she became someone you didn’t recognise.

and now you’re here, you barely recognise yourself. drinking copious amounts of liquor sleeping with a new random girl.

if you kept yourslef sober enough you’d be disgusted by the reputation you had acquitted, the ‘life of the party’ the fuck boy who gets with pretty girls and leaves before they wake up. it didn’t mean anything to you it truly didn’t it clearly meant nothing to the hookups. you both wanted a sexual realsie and that’s what you got.

doing anything to distract yourself from losing the one thing that made your life bright.

Tara had heard of your new found reputation along with glaring looking at you drunkly go upstairs with a girl.

she felt guilty, real guilty. yet too stubborn to talk to you. was she scared you’d end up the way amber did? yeah. did she love you? yeah. was her fear a reasonable excuse to hurt you the way she did? not particularly.

but yet here she is, sat in her apartment wallowing in self pity, contemplating texting you.

she’d spend her nights feeling guilty debating to reach out but never truly had the courage. she hears a ping from her phone and checks the message.

nerdymeeks: have u heard of Y/Ns new girl?

Tgiz: wait what? like gf??

nerdymeeks: i think so? they’ve been seen hanging out at their place couple times

nerdymeeks: told u. u should’ve stopped being stubborn n got ur girl back before it was too late

well if she had a reason to text it was definitely now, so with the surge of confidence that had absolutely nothing to do with the raging jealousy she clicked your contact and let it ring.

“sorry the person you’re trying to contact does not exist” and with that the call ended.

tara was left in disbelief, you blocked her? you got some new girl and blocked her? that made a already very jealous mad tara exceptionally more angry

she didn’t particularly have the right to but she still was.

grabbing her shoes and keys, she was going to confront you, luckily for her you’re a couple doors away. it’s honestly shocking you two haven’t seen eachother since the fallout.

and with three knocks, she was stood at the door left with silince. she raised her fist to knock once more when a beautiful black haird girl opened the door.

logically she was stunning, but to tara? you could do better. and it isn’t at all jealousy

“can i help you?” the girl at the door way asked, recovering from the momentary stun tara replied.

“i-uh. i’m here for Y/N?”

“tara?” your voice rang out behind this new mysterious girl.

this was the first time her eyes met yours after THAT. you looked good, better than you did atleast.

but she would hate to admit how she missed the way her eyes instantly found yours wherever you were.

“we need to talk” tara replied to you

you were stuck, on one side you never wanted to see her again but that little part of ur brain was nagging at you to just hear her out.

and so you went for the latter. “okay”

tara looked back at the girl guarding the entrance to your apartment, she reluctantly moved aside and headed towards your bedroom.

“if you need me Y/N i’ll be right here” and with that she entered the room closing the door.

“so are you and broody over there..together?” she was trying to keep composer (it didn’t work)

“what do you care?” you replied bitterly

“i don’t. i-just..wondering” that composer is definitely working very well. “what do you want tara?” you were getting impatient now

“why did you block me?” she asked getting straight to the point

“it’s not like we were talking” you replied. she really had the nerve to throw you to the cerb then comd to your apartment and ask why you had blocked her?

“maybe because you were too busy getting drunk” she folded her arms across her chest.

“oh? so you’re getting judgemental now?” you walked closer to her.

“i have never once judged you, and now you’re judging me for something you’ve done?”

you were face to face with her now. you were a couple inches taller than tara, so you were looking down on her.

she would be lying if she said seeing you mad wasn’t atleast a little bit attractive.

“i had my reasons for what i did” she stated getting louder now.

“and i didn’t?” you were shouting now, both arguing with one an other.

“we were simply fucking Y/N-“ she started “No!” you cut her off. “don’t even act like what we were doing was ‘just fucking’. i loved you and you know damn well you liked me more than just some side bitch-“

it was her turn to intrupt you now “you loved me?” the tension was softer now.

“of course i did tara? you were everything i ever wanted” you paused

“and now i have everything i need” you looked towards the bedroom door, tara following your line of sight.

she felt the tears in her eyes, but she be dammed if she let you see them fall.

the soft “oh” fell from her lips “i see, well i’ll leave you two to it then” and before you could say more she turned around and left, leaving you stood in your apartment once more.

this time you had something, someone to go to. someone worth it.

tag list

@ortegalvr

@tropicals-things

@jusnough

[laviefantasie]

You’re Losing Me

Pairings: Eren Jaeger x Reader

Summary: Is love truly enough? Enough to stick around even when you feel yourself slowly dying from it? Can it truly ever be enough?

| Masterlist |

She couldn’t breathe. She could feel her lungs pushing against her ribcage while looking for the oxygen they begged to inhale. Her heart throbbed against them, looking for any sign —no matter if it was painful— to remind itself that it still lived. That it could still beat.

She didn’t think she could blame her heart for the need to make sure it could still beat, not after the words she had just uttered to the reason it had been beating so harmoniously for so long.

“We’re done”

She didn’t even know she had said it until she saw his eyes widen in disbelief. She didn’t even know she’d ever truly have the courage to say it out loud.

But she had. It was done.

“What—why? Y/N, baby, what’s—I don’t understand”

Hurt. That’s all she could see on those blue-green eyes she had always found comfort in. Those who had always looked at her with so much love it had been unbelievable. Those eyes who lately hadn’t shined in her direction even once.

She could hear her pulse all throughout her body. She could hear it as loudly as if her heart had been pressed against her ears.

Could she truly say it again? Could she be brave—strong enough to utter those painful words one more time? Did she really have to?

“We’re… we’re done, Eren” she weakly whispers.

It pained her, of course. It truly felt as if she was forced to talk after swallowing glass, her throat and mouth filled with blood that stopped her from formulating the words as loud as she should’ve.

Eren shook his head in disbelief. Everything in his body felt numb. It felt as if someone had thrown a cold bucket of water at him and left him outside during winter with not even a jacket to give him a sense of warmth. This couldn’t be happening. He didn’t understand why it was happening.

“I don’t understand” he whispers weakly “I don’t… Y/N, please…”

“The fact th-that you don’t understand” she sobs weakly, the tears she had fought so hard to contain flowing freely down her cheeks, “Is even mor-more reason why we must bre-break up”

“Did I do something?” He asks, tears accumulating in his eyes “What did I do? I ca-will fix it”

She wanted him to stop. She didn’t want to hear him.

All this time she had been wanting him to fix what he had broken. All this time she had been waiting for him to realize that he was hurting her. That loving him was killing her. All this time she wanted him to give her one reason to stay.

And all this time he hadn’t.

“You can’t fix it”

Her voice once soft and weak became hard and pained. All the hurt she had to endure this last year coming back full force, giving her the strength she needed to save herself from self destructing. The strength she needed to not give in.

“It’s too late to fix it” she finalizes “I’ve been waiting all this year for you to fix it. I’m done waiting”

“Y/N—”

“Do you know how hard it was to watch you push everyone, including me, away?” She sobs “How hard it was to watch you shamelessly flirt with every girl that looked your way while I was right there at your side waiting for you to notice me? How hard it was to see you shrug off our relationship, our friendship, as if it was nothing?”

Eren’s eyes widen even more, if possible. Had he truly been doing that? He knew he had change, he knew he had closed off on his friends after his parents passing, but they had never once left his side. She had never left his side. No matter how hard he pushed. Or how cruel he was.

And then last year he had gotten his shit together. She had helped him with that. He had pushed all his pain onto something productive and had become the university’s star quarterback.

Is that when it all started? When his dull grief-striking eyes and neutral face had become the bad boy mysterious persona every girl wanted to date and every boy wanted to be. Was it then when he decided to play along to all of it just to not feel alone, to feel worthy, forgetting what he truly had always had by his side?

Had it really come to this? Had he really taken for granted what he had by believing he always would have it?

“We—I would’ve stayed with you through anything” she continues “I stayed through everything. No matter how bad it was. But… I’m out of reasons to stay”

“I love you”

Three words. Three words he had never once uttered in that year. Three words she had remembered herself those 365 days to keep fighting.

Those three words had already lost its meaning.

“Loving isn’t enough anymore”

And she turned around going for the door. He scrambled out of the bed he had been sitting while looking up at her as fast as he could.

She couldn’t leave. If she left it became real. If she left he wouldn’t be able to fix what he had broken.

Had he really broken the best thing that had happened to him? The one thing in his life that still gave him hope?

He tried to grasp her hand, to stop her from leaving, but she had already opened the door and crossed it. His hand met the wooden frame as her body started making her way through the hallway, away from his dorm.

How had it come to this?

It had been a year after Eren’s parents death through a tragic car accident. A year since Zeke, Eren’s older half-brother, had taken his custody. It had been a hard year. Eren’s eyes had lost its incomparable spark and his smile had ceased to exist.

Mikasa, Armin and Y/N, his closets friends since childhood, along with the rest of their gang had done everything they could to help him. Even when he snapped at them, spitting cruel words that fed into their insecurities, they never left his side. He pushed and pushed with all his might, anything to keep them away in fear of ever feeling the tightness in his chest of losing someone he loved again. But they pushed back. All of them. Never once giving in.

They knew he was hurting. They knew it. And they would never leave his side while he did so.

So they stuck around no matter how hurt they got along the way. Because it was Eren, and Eren deserved to have people fight for him as hard as he used to fight for them.

Y/N became the best fighter among them.

She would take his cruel malicious words with grace before embracing him against her warmth, letting him let out all his anger and sadness on her. Promising to carry it on her shoulders in hopes of lifting some from his, as small as the portion was.

And day by day, night by night, she stood tall by his side. Never once letting him fall.

He was thankful, even when he didn’t voice it. She had giving him something constant, something he could hold onto when the waves that came crashing towards him in hopes of drowning him got to him. She kept her hold steady and unfaltering, keeping him afloat.

So, when had he started taking it for granted?

“Eren Jaeger, isn’t it?”

He had been waiting outside the Economics classroom for Y/N’s class to finish so they could go have lunch when the captain of the cheerleading squad Historia was a part of first spoke to him.

It wasn’t that people didn’t know him around university, they did with him being the quarterback, he just wasn’t someone that you would think was easy to approach. So people normally didn’t. Not that he minded, he had all he needed with his friends and you by his side.

He nods, coldly.

But she smiled. As brightly as possible, her hazel eyes shining under the hallway’s lights.

“Last week’s game was amazing! You were so fast, it seemed nobody could ever come close to catching you” she giggled.

His cold demeanor melted slightly, not used to compliments from other than his coach and friends. Most people just clapped him on the back as a way to congratulate him, too afraid to say something to him.

He nods again in thanks.

“We, the cheer girls and the team’s boys, were thinking of holding a small get-together to celebrate the win” she continues “We’d like you to come. We know you don’t like those sceneries, as you’ve made clear before, but Connie and Jean are going. Reiner and Bertolt too”

He stays quiet.

“Just wanted to formally invite you. Hopefully the rest of your teammates going, the ones you’re actually close with, persuades you”

Before Eren can refuse, the bell rings and the door he was standing beside bursts open. Students cross it without even batting an eye.

Eren’s eyes soften once he catches a glance of you and the bright sincere smile you send his way when you see him. All under the cheerleading’s watchful curious gaze.

“Ren” you kissed his cheek before looking at the girl he was talking to, “Chloe! Hi! I haven’t seen you in a while, still battling with Calculus?”

The blonde girl, Chloe, groans, “Ugh, Mr. Ackerman is still the worst”

Both girls share a laugh under Eren’s curious gaze. Did they known each other? For the laugh you just shared and the familiarity in which you talked with one another he guessed you did. How? He guessed that through a class since he hadn’t ever seen you hang out with other girls that weren’t Mikasa, Sasha, Historia or Ymir.

“You know each other?”

His voice is cold and dull, but his gaze on you is soft. So soft that Chloe isn’t sure she imagined it. She didn’t know he could have a gaze as soft as that with the cold lifeless way he glared at everything around him.

And yet, Y/N smiled as if he had just told her she was the most beautiful girl to ever exist.

“We do! We met during Ackerman’s Calculus class last semester”

“This little genius became our teacher’s favorite while I am stuck with him once more” the blonde beauty groaned.

“You’ll get it this time. I can help you”

That’s something he had always loved about you. The selfless way you tried to help everyone in every little way you could.

“You’re an angel, Y/N” she smiles “How do you two know each other?”

Y/N’s smile brightened if possible, “This is my adorable boyfriend that I’ve told you about”

Chloe’s eyes widen in disbelief, “Eren Jaeger is the all-loving charismatic too-good-to-be-true childhood best friend told lover you’ve told me about?”

You laughed before nodding making Chloe’s eyes widen even more.

For Y/N, Chloe’s face was funny and innocent. Eren, on the other hand, understood the gleam of uncertainty in the blonde’s eyes. It was obvious she was trying to comprehend how the perfect boyfriend you had describe was the university’s feared lifeless bad boy.

It made him angry to feel as if he wasn’t worthy of you, he already thought so himself so seeing someone else think that made his blood boil.

He wanted to prove to everyone and to himself that he was worth it, that he could be worthy of you. So he did the one thing that condemned you both without even knowing it.

“When’s the party?”

The party had been eventful and unexpected. None of their friends had expected Eren and neither had they expected the way he had behaved that night. He had drank and talked, and even though he hadn’t laughed or smiled he had become this unapproachable guy that now everyone wanted to approach.

His aura was intoxicating. And like a moth to the flame, everyone would fly towards him as if he was holding the matches.

Mikasa, Armin and Y/N had watch with uncertainty the amount of attention Eren was receiving. But moreover, the way he seemed to be bathing in it. It was a weird sight. Eren had never been one to want attention, he always got it without looking for it though. But he had never seek it.

So why was he seeking and bathing in it now?

“Well…” started Armin “At least he seems okay”

Y/N nodded a little uncertain, but Mikasa frowned.

“I don’t like this” she muttered “Feels like the start of a disaster”

“Don’t frown, Mika” Y/N said lovingly, “Maybe this is what he needs to open up more. He’s been getting better, so maybe… maybe this is his way of trying to go back to who he is”

“I don’t know”

“We have to trust him” Armin added, “It’s not like he’s doing anything bad anyway, he’s just making friends”

Mikasa’s frown deepened but she let herself be guided out of the living room towards the kitchen by her two closest friends. She had a bad feeling about all of this, she just hoped she was wrong.

But they had all come to know a long time ago that Mikasa’s instincts were never wrong. Especially concerning Eren.

The first time they realize that something was wrong was during their monthly movie night between the Scouts, as they like to call themselves since their camp days where all they met and became friends. It was that night that Eren first truly disappointed them.

[ Can’t make it. Party at Floch’s. Srry ]

That’s all his text to the group chat had said. Not only had he totally blown them off on their tradition, but he hadn’t even bother to invite them. It was maddening. Especially since Connie and Jean were also invited to said party and refused to go because of their plans.

It weirded them all out. If they had invited Reiner and Bertolt and they cancelled they could’ve understood, they were close but not that close.

It had always been Armin, Mikasa, Eren and Y/N until camp. And then it had become Armin, Mikasa, Eren, Y/N, Jean, Connie, and Sasha. More had been added along the way, but the seven of them were as tight as possible. Nothing could ever come in their way, so why did it suddenly feel like something could?

They spent their movie night in an uncomfortable silence. Not even Jean, who always took every opportunity he could to insult Eren, said something.

And then one movie night missed became two and three until they just stopped expecting him to come.

At university, Eren barely found them to spend time with them during his breaks or lunch as they were used to. Instead they were forced to look for him all throughout the campus, always finding him surrounded by other team members or cheerleaders.

And even then, Armin and Y/N tried to convince themselves this was just him trying to become socially available once again. No matter how many times Mikasa told them she didn’t believe that was the case.

Their disappointment reach its breaking point when Armin received an ‘SOS’ text from Mikasa asking him to go to their dorm, only to find a dolled up sobbing Y/N on the dark-haired beauty’s embrace. Eren had missed their anniversary date to hang out with Floch. Y/N could’ve probably let it slide if it hadn’t been for the any times he had already cancelled —and stood her up— before.

That was the last straw for Armin.

He had seen you, Y/N, his childhood best friend give your all to the blue-green-eyed boy. Since the moment you both had met Eren and Mikasa, you had always given all you could give to Eren. Especially the last couple of years when he had started to become unstable. You had never given in. Never had you left him alone, no matter how many reason you’d had.

So what gave him the right to make you cry?

Armin never again excused his behavior after that night. Him and Mikasa always standing beside you as you had to endure the attention from girls Eren was receiving, especially when he seemed to enjoy it so much. More than once had they offered to give him a peace of their minds, begged you really, but you had refused. You didn’t know what was going on through his head but you had faith in him. Faith that he would figure it out and fix it, as he had always done before.

You had waited for the whole year.

Your last straw came on your birthday. Just a month after Christmas, which Eren failed to celebrate with the Scouts again in their traditional small gathering on the 25th.

Your friends had all prepared you a surprise party, which they had planned through a secret group chat in which Eren had failed to text back every time. The party was set to start at 10 o’clock at night at Armin’s house, giving you enough time to spend the morning as you always did with your family and the rest of the day with Eren, as they all had been used to since you two started dating exactly five years ago when both of you were fifteen. It was perfect, honestly, you’d be too distracted with the brunette boy to find suspicious why they all had been MIA.

Except Eren didn’t show up at your doorstep. He hadn’t even called or texted.

Which meant you spent the rest of the day before the party locked in your room crying silently while you wondered why.

Only to find out through Floch’s instagram story he was at his house, with an unknown girl under his arm.

By the time Mikasa had gone to pick you up at your childhood home, you were asleep on your bed with swollen eyes and dry tear and mascara stains on your cheeks. She had gasped at the sight, not understanding what had happened. At least until she saw what was on the phone —which was still unblocked— you held softly in your grasp.

And the dark-haired beauty saw red.

She had texted Armin and soon the party had moved to your living room, and instead of a party they turned it into a movie night. They decorated the place and made a blanket fort, Annie even going as far as going to buy some fairy lights to put all over the place.

By the time Sasha went to wake you up and helped you get ready, all of them hid awaiting your arrival.

It had helped heal your broken heart a little.

Still you couldn’t ignore what had been going on for long enough anymore. You had finally ran out of excuses.

So the next week when Armin went to the dorm you and Mikasa shared, you knew. And they knew you knew. So they held you, all day and night, trying to give you the strength you’d need to do what was right for you.

And you did.

And that’s how you’d both gotten to this stage of your story. As painful as getting there had been.

Eren fell to the floor. His knees had given out. He had been frozen on his spot, watching the door intently as if that would somehow make you come back. He thought he had been doing the right thing, he thought he had finally start becoming someone worthy of you. Someone that deserved to be loved by someone as good as you.

He was sobbing. He didn’t even know when he had started, but his body shook with the force of each sob.

He didn’t know what to do. How could he keep going without your unwavering presence beside him giving him the strength he needed to fight back against the cruel world they lived in?

That’s how Armin found him when he came back from his classes. Hugging his knees to his chest on the floor as he sobbed his heart out.

“So she actually did it, huh?”

His teary gaze found his best friend’s stone cold one.

“I d-don’t… Ar-Armin, I don-don’t unders-understand”

“You don’t understand?” He scoffed, “You missed every single movie night we’ve had for a year. You’ve missed every date you guys planned. You missed your anniversary, Christmas, the New Year. And you don’t understand?”

Eren stares, dumbfounded. Had he truly missed all that? He couldn’t even remember properly at this moment.

“You even missed her birthday” Armin continued, “It was last Friday, FYI”

Another sob wrecks through his body. Your birthday, he had missed your birthday. He didn’t even remember the last time he had ever missed one and now he had completely forgotten about it.

What was wrong with him?

“I truly don’t know what was going through your head all this year. Nor why you did every single thing you did” Armin sighed “I’m just glad she finally had the courage to walk away. You were killing her. Everytime you flirted with another girl, every time you blew her off, you were killing her. I’m glad she finally walked away”

Eren had no idea something could hurt this much after his parents’ passing. But it truly hurt more to know he had lost the person he loved the most when she still was at arm’s length.

Especially when this time there was nothing nor no one else to blame but himself. He had pushed you too far this time and you weren’t coming back.

He had lost you.

[firstkanaphans]

Hello Sarah sorry to bother you. I'm a new fan kinda but I'm done with watching all the firstkhao dramas (together and individual) but tbh I'm kinda lost on how I will get to know them better. I have no idea about their irl personalities that much. Maybe you can give a little introduction for me if it's not too much of a bother? Also like how they met and why are they doing so many projects together? And are they good friends irl too (my friend told me a lot of time pair actors don't really get along with each other which is why I got curious about their dynamic) Sorry if these questions are a bit dumb I'm altogether very new in bl fandoms so don't have a lot of ideas.

Oh, Anon. I don’t think you know what you’ve signed up for here. If you want a FK primer, I can give you a FK primer!

Both First and Khaotung started working for GMMTV back in 2018. I’m pretty sure talent agents simply slid into their DMs, so there was no formal audition process, but I could be wrong about that. They were both in university at the time. I’m not quite sure what they were doing that attracted the attention of the talent agents. I know First had been in at least one commercial prior, but I don’t believe Khaotung had done any acting. He had, however, had a picture go viral because he’s just so stinkin’ adorable. I think maybe this one? 

Or it could have been one of these…

Either way, they ended up in an acting workshop together right after they joined. Khaotung talks about how he didn’t like First at first because he was too friendly and talkative, but I think that must have only lasted for like a day because it was during this same workshop where he discovered that his heart beats to the sound of First’s name—“FirFirFir”—and yes, that is a real thing that he has admitted out loud on multiple occasions. They have been best friends ever since.

From there, the two of them began to act in individual projects—mostly BLs—and although I have no proof of this, I am entirely convinced that they were playing a long con to get themselves partnered together. They did way more fanservice before they were partnered than they do now. Feel free to watch this live from 2020 where they alternate between staring lovingly in each other's eyes and just outright flirting for an hour straight.

Look, they’re smart boys. They knew that their best path to success in this industry was to be in a fixed pair and they wanted that pair to be each other. How do I know? Because these two adorable idiots were showing up to events in matching outfits.

This picture was taken in January 2021 when Tonhon Chonlatee was actively airing! There's a picture from this same event of them with Podd, who Khao was paired with, and Podd looks like the odd man out.

They were finally paired together for The Eclipse in 2022 and spent the entire press tour either talking about how excited they were to finally work together or crying about the possibility that they might never be able to work together again. I would highly recommend you watch The Eclipse special episode if you haven’t already. In it, First talks about how there was one scene where Khao wasn’t supposed to cry but he kept crying anyway because First was crying and he cared about First so much. 

And speaking of crying, if you want to watch a compilation of FK crying about how much they love each other (and other things!), you can find that here.

One thing I would recommend if you want to get to know FK better is to watch a bit of Safehouse Season 4. It’s unscripted, so you’ll get a sense of their personalities, but First was also in an arm cast at the time, so you’ll get to watch Khao dote on him for seven days straight.

Oh and you have to watch this! If you ever see people talking about the voices in First’s head, that's why.

Obviously, we can never truly know what goes on behind closed doors for any of these BL couples, but I feel pretty confident in saying that FirstKhao are genuine besties. They literally do everything together. You can find a collection of some of their lovestagram pics here although there are so many more now. It never stops.

Actual things they have said to each other un-prompted:

First to Khao: I want to build a house with the same fences as you.

Khao to First: As you grow up, you will meet many new friends. Leave them and stay with me.

I’m wracking my brain for anything else that feels important for a new fan to know and am coming up blank, but I’m sure I’ll probably think of something right after I post this. They’re both just super sweet individuals who have never been involved in any controversy and I think what people love most about them is just how much they care about each other. They’ve got that whole platonic soulmate thing going on and we're all super jealous.

[https-harlow]

Mixed Emotions - Drunken Nights Out

Summary- A night out leads to something that Jack and Gabriella never thought would happen.

Warnings- Smut 18+ only

Also, thank you to @harlowcomehome for helping me with the smut!

The three weeks before Jack’s tour felt like the busiest three weeks in Gabriella’s life. Realistically, her final's week was ten times more stressful, but at least she didn’t have to deal with Jack during her finals.

She might have styled Jack for some events, but she wasn’t a stylist, so she didn’t know what she was doing. She spent the first two weeks putting as many outfits together as she could. Then the last week before tour was spent in Louisville at Jack’s parent’s house. Gabriella had told her parents that she was going to be in town, but they couldn’t change their plans to see her. Gabriella understood, but she also wanted her parents to put in the effort to see her sometimes, instead of it always being the other way around all of the time. 

Now they had been on tour for about 2 weeks, and ironically, even though this was the closest they had been since they were kids, it was also the best that they’ve ever gotten along. Part of it was because Jack was on his best behavior around her, wanting her to stay as long as possible so he didn’t have to find another stylist, and part of it was Gabriella getting to be a little bossy towards Jack.

A bigger part of it though was that Jack finally understood her a little bit more after their conversation when he asked her to be his stylist. He truly never realized all the pressure her parents put on her or the fact that if it wasn’t for his parents, she would have never had a parental figure there for her for most of her life.

They still had their moments, though. Right now, they weren’t speaking because Jack vetoed going to her favorite restaurant for dinner. Some could say this was petty on Gabriella’s side, and maybe it was, but their whole relationship was based off of random petty arguments. 

Gabriella was sitting on the tour bus, waiting for everyone else to finish taking showers at the venue. They were staying in the city overnight, but everyone decided to stay on the bus instead of booking hotels. Gabriella, on the other hand, was looking at booking a hotel room. She didn’t want people to think she thought she was better than them or anything, but being on a small tour bus was tough. Though the hotel across the street was looking better every second. Plus, they were staying in the city the next day, so if she was going to do it, this was her chance.

Urban was one of the first people back on the bus.

“Do you think people would be mad if I booked a hotel room?” Gabriella asked Urban.

“No? Why do you think people would be mad?” Urban asked.

“Because I don’t want to be seen as some rich girl who can’t handle being in a tour bus.”

“I think everyone will understand if you get a hotel room for the night. We’re used to this, you’re not, and that’s okay. We have a day off tomorrow, get the hotel room. I mean this in the nicest way possible, you’re a clean freak, I’m surprised you’ve made it this long on the bus,” Urban teased Gabriella.

“I am so not a clean freak,” She defended herself.

“When you lived with Jack and me for 2 weeks, you had the whole place cleaned in two days, I think that was the cleanest it’s ever been. Plus, I’ve seen your apartment. You even have all those plastic containers in your fridge.”

“That’s just being organized, not a clean freak. Plus, they are acrylic, not plastic.” Gabriella sighed, maybe Urban was right, not because of the plastic containers, but she was going to freak out if there was one more shirt left in the seating area of the bus. Everyone had a spot for their clothes, how was it that hers were always where they were supposed to be but no one else’s were.

She booked a room at the hotel across the street and by the time Jack was back on the bus she had her duffle bag packed with the things she would need for the night and next morning.

“Where are you going?” Jack asked Gabriella as he saw her bag.

“I booked a room at the hotel across the street for the night.”

“When?” 

“About 20 minutes ago.”

“Oh, well a bunch of us are going out tonight if you want to come.”

“You’re inviting me out?” Gabriella asked.

“Come on, I’m not an asshole. I’m not going to only exclude you. We’re just going to come club down the street, if you don’t want to come, you don’t have to.”

“Yeah, why not, I’ll come.”

Gabriella checked into her room before getting ready to go out, meeting everyone outside the bus. They all walked to the club, making her regret her choice of heels. Everyone immediately ordered their first round of drinks, practically taking them like shots. The last two weeks were a whirlwind and this was finally their first moment to relax.

Even though Gabriella said she was only going to have one drink and then go back to her hotel, she didn’t stop at one. Gabriella didn’t drink, let alone get drunk often, but she was beginning to learn how to control the amount of pressure she put on herself all the time. If she wanted to have a drink or get drunk occasionally, that was okay.

Gabriella slightly stumbled over to where Urban and Jack were.

“I think I’m going to go back now, I’ll text you when I get back,” Gabriella yelled at them over the music.

“You’re not going back by yourself,” Urban said, somewhat distracted by a girl but willing to ditch her to walk Gabriella back to her hotel.

“I’ll walk you back,” Jack said. “I was just about to go back to the bus anyway.” He said. Urban nodded, before turning back to the girl he was talking to. Gabriella would have been confused at why Jack was willing to leave and walk her back, but even she knew, when it came down to it, Jack did care about her being safe, he never hid that. 

Jack was a little less drunk than Gabriella, but still drunk. If it wasn’t for their giggles every time they stumbled or fell into each other, their walk would have been silent. Jack kept one arm around Gabriella, holding her, she was stumbling more than him because of the heels she was wearing.

Once they got to the hotel, they both stopped, unsure of what to do next.

“Do you want me to walk you up?” Jack asked and Gabriella nodded.

“Yeah, come hang out with me until everyone else gets back, then you can go to the bus,” She said with more enthusiasm than she’s ever had when talking about hanging out with Jack, turns out, if they are both drunk, they get along a lot better.

Jack followed Gabriella into the elevator, his hand making its way to her waist as she stepped inside. Something took over Jack, as he stood in front of Gabriella, he wanted to kiss her, so he did. He slowly backed her into the wall as she kissed him back. Her hand’s went to his curls, but she quickly pulled them away when the elevator door opened. They stood there awkwardly. Partly because they just got caught making out in the elevator, and also because she never pressed the button for her floor. As soon as they got out of the elevator, they broke out into giggles again as they walked to her room.

Gabriella pulled the hotel key card out of her purse, dropping it on the floor before picking it up and putting it in the scanner the wrong way.

“Have you always been this clumsy?” Jack chuckled to himself as he leaned into Gabriella, taking the card from her and flipping it over to the correct side to open the hotel room. Gabriella hiccuped as the door swung open, Jack quick on her heels as the door shut behind them. 

“You like it though,” she giggled as she started to undress. 

“Woah, wait! I’ll leave,” Jack covered his eyes with his forearm, making Gabriella giggle at his overdramatics. 

“The last thing I want is for you to leave,” Gabriella was a little more than tipsy, but she was conscious enough to know what she wanted and at this moment it was Jack. 

“Mean it?” Jack cocked his head to the side, eyeing Gabriella’s cleavage that sat perfectly in her lace bra. 

“Stay,” She looked up at him with big eyes and a pouty lip as she sat on her knees waiting for him to make a move toward her. 

Jack eagerly started to take off his shoes, stumbling over to the bed before he fumbled with the button on his pants, Gabriella giggled as she helped him get undressed, ripping some of the buttons off his dress shirt in a hurry. Jack took her face into his hands, as he crawled on top of her. He started placing sloppy wet kisses against Gabriella's collarbone, working his way up her neck. 

“I need you, I want you,” Gabriella moaned, throwing her head back. 

“What’s that Ella? I can’t hear you,” Jack teased, knowing the anticipation was making her more and more sexually frustrated, but he liked hearing her beg. 

“Don’t tease me,” Gabriella pawed at his neck, scratching him slightly with her nails as she aggressively kissed him, her free hand searching for his hard cock and taking it into her warm palm as she started to stroke it. 

Jack's breath became uneven as he became putty in her hands, babbling on about how he wouldn’t last much longer was music to her ears. 

She stood up from the bed and Jack moved closer to the headboard, lying on his back. His pupils were blown, a wild look in his eyes as Gabriella took off her bra and underwear, slowly giving him a strip tease. 

“Please,” Jack moaned, tugging on his own cock impatiently. His eyes were on her breasts, and he couldn’t take another moment of waiting. Gabriella couldn’t wait another moment, crawling toward him on the bed. She intertwined his fingers with hers, wanting to be the more dominant one in her approach. 

“Let me-“ he tried to interrupt, but she quieted him with a kiss, she knew he wanted to be in control, he always did with everything. 

“Give me a few minutes, and then we can switch positions” she whispered in his ear as she continued to ride him, his length stretching her to a comfortable size. 

It didn’t take long for Jack to convince her to switch positions, flipping them over so he was in control.

“I fucking hate you,” Gabriella told Jack, her words fueling his adrenaline as he continued to thrust his hips into hers.

“Yeah? Well, I fucking hate you too,” Jack challenged.

“It doesn’t matter how good you fuck me, my feelings for you will never change,” She told him before Jack leaned down to kiss her.

Neither of them meant it, but it was more of a “I’m actually in love with you, but I’ve pretended to hate you since we met, but now we're drunk and having sex and I still can’t let my walls come all the way down because I’m scared” I hate you. Complicated, but so was their entire relationship.

His strokes started to slow as she matched his rhythm, the slow pace made Gabriella orgasm, she was loud and forgetful that they were in a hotel room and Jack was easily turned on by that, reaching his own climax a mere thirty seconds later.

Jack pulled out of Gabriella, laying down next to her as they both caught their breath. After a few minutes, Jack got up to clean up and help Gabriella do the same, but buy the time he got back, she was already asleep. He pulled the blanket over her, before laying back down.

He didn’t think he should stay, but he also wasn’t the kind of guy who would just leave after a hook-up. He decided he would stay for a little while to make sure she didn’t wake up. It was unnecessarily cold in the room, so he ended up throwing his boxers back on and pulling the blanket over himself as well. 

Before he could leave, he ended up falling asleep next to Gabriella, and all he could think is what the fuck just happened.

Tag list @jackharloww @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @hoodharlow @itsyagirljaz @heavyhitterheaux @harlowsbby @awhore4moree @harlowslefttoe @twerkforambrose @jackmans-poison @ilovenudy @taniapri @killatravtramp @easternparkway @macey234 @toocriticalharlow @lightsoutstyles @rachxc13 @iknowdatsrightbih @idktbh101 @blossomluvv @middlechild404 @hufflewhore128 @christinabae @lafavoritaangel