#I wanted to write a different poem that fit the song's vibe better but I reread Jane's poem for fun and it gripped me by the Throat

[queen-eevee]

hiiiiii hiroto + 31?

I would be lying if I didn’t say this poem was Heavily inspired by Jane Hirshfield's "It Was Like This: You Were Happy."

—

31: Volunteer by Bitter Ruin

At the end of the day, it went like this:

You raised your hand. You were picked. You signed the paperwork before the ashes settled because your team had a season to finish. You were not suited for the role; you were the only volunteer. You became the captain.

You lost teammates. You gained new ones. You lost friends, and there were no replacements. You dug holes in the outfield—left field, right field—past the grass line, under the stands, around the dugout. You cleaned the dirt off your jersey, your cleats, your gloves. You washed your face after games. You wore your hair shorter. You held your head higher. You took your laughter's loudness and pushed it into your pitches. You ate pomegranates and ripe currants, peeled clementines for waiting hands. You rinsed blood from your scalp and pressed wet washcloths to bloodied faces. You didn't win any championships. You stopped losing teammates. You penned postcards to the girl you were afraid to love and you threw bottles into the River's pallid tide. You grew to hate the smell of char. You learned to hate the tang of blood. You pitched until you fit the accolade of "best" and moved the expectations to "perfect." You watched a god die. You cursed two more for good measure. You swallowed fire and didn't burn. You called yourself happy and meant it. You forgave the girl who put you here. You prayed to the gods you loved. You dug more holes. You took naps on your teammates' couches. Sometimes, they would say something to make you laugh out of sleep, and the dreams behind your eyes would burst into color.

—

Send me a number and a character and I'll write a poem inspired by my Spotify Wrapped!

[latoyalestrange]

princess

s. sallow x f!reader

summary: after winning the first challenge of the triwizard tournament, sebastian asks you to accompany him to the yule ball, of course. he's not sure if it's the twinkling lights, the romantic music, or maybe just your presence, but something has his eyes twinkling and his heart beating out of his chest. he simply can't help it. he needs to tell you how he feels, and fast, before he bursts at the seams with infatuation.

words: 630

warnings: fluff, smut, word vomit, language, aged up seb and mc, minors dni! not edited!

ps i hate the way they decorate the yule ball in the movies. why is so bright? and so...blue? balls should be warm and comfy for good time vibes!!

he'd asked garreth to bewitch some fireworks to spell out your name and set them off in the courtyard during free period. he had a speech prepared, but he ditched it at the last second when he laid eyes on you. seeing your excitement, he felt like you deserved much more than a poem he was half-satisfied with. he already thought the fireworks weren't enough, just a fraction of his love for you put on display. if he could, he would have a choir of thousands sing for you, flower petals falling from the sky to imitate your favorite tree, and the quidditch team writing in the clouds with their brooms.

since he couldn't do that, he settled for cutting a deal with his petty enemy. he had to pay for the fireworks, garreth's "labor fee's" for bewitching them, and he had to do garreth's charms essay for him. not only that, but he had to deal with garreth's relentless teasing. in the end, he decided it was worth it. in fact, he decided he would do it ten times over, for you.

after he'd gotten you to say yes, he was left with even more problems. he wanted to buy new attire, something that his family didn't get for him. he needed to buy your dress too, of course, it would be ungentlemanly of him not too. god, he needed to get you flowers! and a matching bit for your wrist and his lapel, whatever they were called.

but the day of, christmas day, he swore made everything worth it. witnessing you walk down the grand staircase with your hair done to perfection, your skin glowing in the candlelight, and the dress he picked out for you fitting you in just the right places made him feel...different.

he wasn't a boy in his seventh year at hogwarts with his schoolgirl crush, he was a man with his woman. he knew in that moment that it wasn't temporary. he wanted this, he wanted you for all eternity and so much more. he wanted you to bare his children one day, as soon as possible, preferably.

"i love you."

he just had to say it. he physically felt like he couldn't go another minute without confessing. the weight on his chest remained, however, until you smiled brightly back at him as you reached the bottom of the stairs.

"i love you too. shall we?" he linked his arm with yours and led you through the doorway of the ballroom.

most of his evening was spent just looking at you, either from afar or during conversation. he always prayed he knew the moves to the next song so you could keep dancing. what better way to show everyone that you're his than dancing with him all night? not that they didn't already get the hint from the blasting fireworks and the very public profession of love he gave. but it didn't hurt to remind them, right?

and when the night came to a close, he would remind you of the same thing. he would lay you down, and talk you through it.

"doing so good f'me"

"so pretty when you moan, baby"

and when you were close,

"that's it, darling, let it out"

then he'd kiss you to muffle your cries as he started chasing his own release.

"i know, i know. you're taking it so good f'me"

he'd have to bite your shoulder, but even that felt good since you were still buzzing. he'd kiss the skin after though, and clean you up. he even gets you a glass of water without you having to ask. and he'll tell you again,

"i love you."

and you'll say,

"i love you too." because you do. you truly, truly do.

reblog if you made it to the end!

[davyjoneslockr]

Yes yes I'm sending more playlist related questions because these are fun. So The Rain The Park And The Other Things on the Fugio playlist caught my eye..ear? And it reminded me of the song Send me no flowers by Doris Day and I like that a lot.

Everybody says that Strawberry Blonde is very them coded but nobody explains why. I'm curious about your interpretation :D

Also does the Naramis playlist tackle the sad side of their relationship? How, you know, Narancia isn't there anymore. I appreciate that a lot about this ship- losing someone you love but still needing to move on. I think that's very realistic and I hope Mista finds peace again.

HI I'M SO SORRY I MISSED THIS sorry for the wait!!

Just listened to Send Me No Flowers and it's really lovely, I think I could also see it being Fugio-y in a way? Specifically postcanon pre-PHF from Giorno's POV. Something something he has all the tangible things he wants but not Fugo. But maybe that's just because my brain loves to make songs about wanting someone back + flowers about Fugio lol.

I won't lie, Strawberry Blond is a holdover from when I started making this playlist four years ago, when Strawberry Blond was considered the Fugio song and was on everyone's playlists lol. But listening to it now, I actually think it aligns with my Fugio vision more than I initially thought.

I think a lot of people take it as a Fugo -> Giorno song, but I much prefer imagining it the other way around. Again, imagery of someone leaving and the other aching over it, and the line "I love everybody because I love you" makes me think of Giorno basically getting his whole worldview tossed up because of Fugo, who's so completely different from him in every way. But also, I really really like to imagine that Giorno's feelings are unrequited at first. I think I've explained the Fugonara -> Fugio pipeline before, but Fugio during canon to me is more like. Giorno is very infatuated with Fugo, and Fugo doesn't notice because he's still hung up over his own one-sided feelings for Narancia. So the second verse kinda fits that, too, I think. The thing with "all I ever wanted was a life in your shape" also could have a lot of different connotations with them, too - Fugo had, and still has, a lot of privilege Giorno doesn't (Fugo grew up rich, never had to face xenophobia/racism, had a strong and well-funded education that is clearly shown to still give him a huge advantage even after he's disowned), and on the headcanon side of things, I do usually hc Giorno as trans and Fugo as cis, so there's that, too. But it could also be how Giorno has always repressed emotions/feelings, and Fugo isn't really able to, but also derives power from those emotions (even if they're harmful) - maybe a tiny bit of subconscious envy that Fugo's able to feel, to cry, so on and so forth? Idk. Something like that.

As for the Naramis playlist, I actually don't have a ton of angsty stuff on there, because I did originally envision it as a happier vibes sort of playlist (even I need a break from Naramis angst sometimes hehe). But I did start including a few sadder ones as of late!!

This song is super postcanon Mista to me and that's why I used it as the title for the second part of my fic :] "Once my heart was filled with the love of a girl/I held her close, but she faded in the night/Like a poem I meant to write" specifically.

Another postcanon one. The airplane metaphors really sell it for me. I think Mista sometimes plays this one on his guitar and thinks of Narancia :)))

And slightly different, but I actually think of this one from Narancia's POV!! He's been let down and betrayed a lot in his life, he can't envision a better life for himself than being a criminal, and his best friend ends up leaving him out of cowardice, so he hopes that he can at least have one person he can trust and rely on - ie Mista.

Thank you again for the ask, I love talking about my tunes (and Fugio and Naramis) ^_^

[timelesslords]

do you have any tips on naming a fanfic and how to start a fanfic?

Yes!!! definitely!!! I mean, I do feel like most of my fic names are uncreative lol, I use an absurd amount of taylor swift lyrics. That's my first tip, find a song lyric that you think really fits the vibe. I keep a note with lyrics I like that would work as potential titles, so I usually scan that when I'm struggling to find something lol.

The other thing you can do is think about like, a repeated phrase, or something that captures the core of the fic. So, for example, I came up with "Just a Twinge" as a title, because it's both a) a phrase that is repeated frequently throughout and b) sums up the premise of the fic (which is that Annabeth's ankle is broken and it's definitely not "just a twinge" lol)

The third thing I like to do is look up poetry. This works better for longfics or fics that have a deeper thematic meaning because on most sites you can search for poetry by theme lol. That's where I came up with the title for Under Freezing Stars-- I read a poem with the phrase that really thematically captured what I was trying to do with the fic. And the next two lines ("I did not see/I was seen") also really captured the core of what I wanted the story to express! So it was kind of an easter egg for anyone who decided to look up the poem hehe

As for starting a fic, I tend to do it in the same way every time, which is jumping right into the middle of some dialogue. I like doing it that way (especially for shorter fics) because it grabs the reader's attention immediately, and you aren't bogged down with exposition right away. After the second or third line I'll throw in some context, but at this point the reader can usually suss out what the main conflict or tension of the story or scene is going to be. If you want you can also go back and add more context or exposition at the beginning if that's more fitting, I just find it easier to start writing in the middle of dialogue lol

For writing a longer fic, I feel like everyone's style is so different it's hard to give universal advice. This is already way too long lol but I'm always willing to share my writing process if you think that'd be helpful!

I'm very sleepy right now so this probably sounds insane but I hope it helped!!

[storyofpetals]

𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐈'𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 !

1. alias / name: magic!

2. birthday: october 8th

3. zodiac sign: libra

4. height: like 5′1″ i think. idk im short. :|

5. hobbies: writing, roleplaying, gardening, taking care of my fat chihuahua, magic the gathering, and video games~

6. favorite color: i like black because when you see a black object, it is absorbing the visible spectrum and reflects none of that back to the eyes--which is very interesting to me. aesthetically, i like pastel colors (blue and pink and purple) because they are easy on the eyes and pretty. 

7. favorite book: gosh, this is a hard one. i’ll just mention a few i really like okay? stardust by neil gaiman is so good (so much better than the movie alright). the dark tower by stephen king is phenomenal but i really need to finish this series--i love it to bits, but for some reason i never finished it?? good omens by terry pratchett and neil gaiman is hilarious. i truly adored the everlost series by neal shusterman when i was younger, it still leaves an impression on me to this day. and if you want something just fluffy sarah dessen books got your back--totally slice of life romance shit, but it doesn’t read like a bad fanfic. this woman has freaking flow to her writing and i’m forever impressed by it. 

8. last song: salt and the sea - the lumineers

9. last film / show: yall i don’t even know. i watch tv very rarely--mostly when my boyfriend wants to watch the newest marvel stuff--so uuuh loki? maybe? i watched all of that, it was alright. if yall do want something to watch that’s a little different, the kdrama it’s okay not to be okay (netflix) will kill your feels. i love that show. 

10. recent reads: a few months ago i finished the lord of the rings by tolkien. shit was amazing, that man had INCREDIBLE worldbuilding skills. you wanna see a world so freaking detailed you can actually see it? tolkien thought about every little detail in his world and his characters and you can see his love in every word. smh. i’m still impressed but i have yet to pick up the next book lol.

11. inspiration: hmm, i do have to have a fitting song playing pretty loud while i write (to me, it makes my post like a music video and i just string the actions together with words idk??). sometimes a new song will pop on and the vibes hit just right and i get a whole scene in my head, like a little personal movie, and i squeal excitedly to myself: i need to write the thing! this is why i post music so much, i guess lol. otherwise, life experiences also play a part and things ive read or watched recently that i can weave into my posts. a whole mix of stuff, i’d suppose?

12. story behind url: i like writing stories and i like flowers, so i slapped those two things together and this is what i got lol. also, i felt if i used a “petal” theme there was a lot i could play with aesthetically: lots of poems i could whip up with flowers in mind and tons i could do for the theme... and now i kinda like it? it sounds whimsical, sort of what i was going for here.

13. fun fact about me: I LOVE DOGS ok. i work at a vet and i handle a lot of them every single day... and i’ve come to the conclusion they are the sweetest, most wholesome creatures on the planet. a dog can seriously go through hell and bounce back like nothing happened. i see healthy dogs, happy dogs, angry dogs, sick dogs... you name it, i’ve seen it. and if you approach them in the right way, with the proper mindset, you can almost make friends with any dog you see (the amount of people that don’t know how to handle dogs tho is MINDBOGGLING). i make friends with every puppy i see and i treasure them just as much as my human connections. <3 

tagged by: @holyguardian​ (ty friend!)

tagging: @tsurugixbuster, @seraphicwept, @triggerxhappy, @floralcetra, @inmydrcams, @yumetohokori, @azure-steel​, @argentdivinity​, + anyone else who wants to do this! 

[saradika]

hi hello lovely jess!

this fic has lived rent free in my head from the moment i first read it so 🍀⚡️ and 🦋 for The Violet Hour?

Sira, ahh thank you so much for asking about The Violet Hour!! 💖 I really loved these questions and sorry - I got a little ramble-y, haha. I was just very excited!

🍀 what’s a scene that didn’t make the final cut?

I scrapped the original backstory, because I realized the timeline didn’t work at all if I wanted it to line up with Rebels (reader would have been 40-50 which is cool, but like - girl move on it’s been 20 years). In the first draft you knew Maul as a fellow Padawan, and the last time you saw him was the night before he went to find Kenobi in TPM.

You had heard he had died and had been devastated, so the reveal he was alive was a lot more dramatic. You were more hardened and angry from the loss - a lot of time had passed. It was definitely more angsty, but that plot didn’t work out.

So then I went with a slightly different backstory to make it line up somewhat better.

⚡️ what scene was the hardest to write?

Definitely the transition from the interrogation to the smut - I wasn’t sure how to make it feel remotely plausible where like, Thrawn would be chill with you and Maul getting it on in front of him so soon after he learned about your past history.

🦋 how did you pick the title?

I’m really jazzed to talk about the title! It’s named for this song. I also liked the symbolic use of Violet for this fic (mix of red and blue), I thought that was fun.

And then “The Violet Hour” is used in this quote, (which I really like), and in a poem from T. S. Eliot. The way I interpreted the phrase was like a sort of suspension of time between work and home, when the sun starts setting and it’s magical, and you’re sort of between worlds (or something, haha). I felt like all of that fit the vibe of this fic!

———

Sweet Fan Fic Asks

[un0vian]

Hear me out, SSS Miraculous Ladybug AU?

oh man you guys have no idea how much I’ve thought about an au like this before

The anon is new, but this has been in the inbox for a while, I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long! Also this kind of takes a general understanding of the show to make any sense!

This is just a HUGE bundle of ideas lmao I’m sorry it’s so disorganized. I’ll put some of the doodles up here and put in a read more for all of my bullet points (I wrote almost 2K words for this hhhh)

No Pokémon in this AU, and I’m not clever enough to shape the Miraculous after any of them lol.

I think Lance being the Guardian of the Miraculous fits the most.

Lyra becomes the Ladybug Miraculous holder the same way Marinette does, by showing and acting upon her compassion towards someone in need (not the same exact way, considering Lance isn’t nearly as old as Master Fu; she probably saves an old man and Lance notices).

In this AU’s origins I think it would make sense that Giovanni and Silver just moved to Goldenrod from Kanto. Giovanni (obviously) was a part of the crime-world, but found out about the Miraculous and their power, got ahold of the Cat and Butterfly Miraculous, learned of the Ladybug Miraculous’ general location, then decided moving was a good idea. They move into a place like the Agreste mansion (Silver thinks the move is just random btw).

I would say Giovanni holds Silver to high standards like Gabriel does for Adrien. Giovanni has Silver play the Violin and Cello (READ FVAWA!!!), and was probably homeschooled in Kanto. I’ll also say he probably has basic self defense training.

To blend in, Silver becomes enrolled at the same school that Lyra, Kris, and Ethan attend.

Lyra, Kris, and Ethan always try to yoink the back two tables, and every new seating chart the three play Rock Paper Scissors, loser sits alone. Lyra loses and ends up at the table next to the other two with an empty seat.

Their teacher, Professor Elm (I mean, who else would it be?? There’s Oak ofc but eh), introduces Silver to the class and has him sit with Lyra. 

It’s obvious to Lyra that Silver is more socially reserved, but she introduces herself anyway.

Lyra moved from New Bark Town to Goldenrod City early in her childhood (Her and Ethan were childhood friends, Ethan moved to Goldenrod a little before Silver. Kris grew up in Goldenrod). I think it would be cool to keep the Bakery; Lyra’s mom would work there with Lyra helping out a lot.

I’m thinking Lyra could possibly be a model like Adrien, but wayyy on the DL in comparison. She has the right temperament for being in the spotlight (aka not being a flustered mess all the time), hence why she’s so well suited for the Miraculous.

Her passion is writing! Writing poems, speeches, music, all of it. And she enjoys public speaking. She’ll pull out a notebook (or just type on her phone like a sane person) whenever she gets a new idea.

Lyra sings and plays the synth. She plays songs she writes sometimes!

Tikki helps Lyra a lot with her worries about being a Superhero, and is great at giving suggestions and ideas of what Lyra should write if she has a block. Basically usual Tikki being great.

When the first Akuma appeared, Lyra found her Miraculous the same way Marinette did. The difference is when Tikki appeared she was less fearful, and learned about de-evilizing Akumas from the start.

When Ladybug showsed up to stop the Akuma there was no other support. She was able to defeat the Akuma, but damn, what a workout.

Hear me out here, what if there wasn’t an umbrella scene? I’d rather have their feelings for each other grow over time as Silver begins to doubt his father’s reasons for needing the Ladybug Miraculous and reflects on his actions. Besides, Lyra having feelings for Silver in the beginning would be kinda cringe 😬 (@Marinette in the PV smh)

The first Akuma was Giovanni’s way of testing the waters, and confirms that the Ladybug Miraculous is in Goldenrod. The night afterwards he approaches Silver with the Cat Miraculous. Giovanni explains that he needs the Ladybug Miraculous along with the Cat Miraculous to bring Silver’s mother back (which is total bullshit, all he wants is power), and offers him the Miraculous.

And about Silver’s mother; I know there’s a theory about Ariana being his mom, but in this AU (and in general, really) I HC his mother being kindhearted and not part of the mob ahah. (Also same sitch as Adrien’s mom in this AU)

Silver is apprehensive towards the “offer”, but can he really say no? And he does want to see his mom again. So he accepts. Giovanni barely hides the vile smirk on his face and throws in a “I’m proud of you, son” for good measure :/

From then on, Cat Noir shows up to battle Ladybug after an Akuma is de-evilized.

Plagg is somewhere between neutral and good. He’ll (not-so) subtly suggest that Silver should join Ladybug, and point out how much of a dick Giovanni is… but he won’t actively try to stop him because he can’t really do anything about it anyways. Plagg supposes he’ll just have to be patient. And he teases Silver about anything and everything, and his reactions are priceless.

Already having no partner to rely on during Akuma battles, Ladybug is most definitely tired out and has far too many close calls in her battles with Cat Noir. Lyra vents about this to Tikki, and worries about being unable to contact the guardian and request more help.

Lance realizes his mistake after a particularly nasty fight when a stroke of luck saves Ladybug from de-transforming. He introduces himself right after that fight, and apologizes for his oversight.

At this moment I don’t know if it would make more sense to introduce only one more Miraculous holder or two, and if they should be permanent or temporary. I’ll put down my bare-bones ideas for the Miraculous holders anyways.

Ethan - Fox Miraculous, Kris - Turtle Miraculous. I see Kris suiting the Turtle Miraculous because she waits for the right moment instead of jumping right in. I see her as being a great protector compared to Ethan.

Sheesh this is already super long any I haven’t really gotten to the SSS portion 

Slow burn like the show, but in this case neither has a crush for a whiiiile. That part is quite different from the show, but the context is not the same.

Eventually there’s a semblance of a friendship between Lyra and Silver. They got close through sitting at the same table in class and working on different projects together. They also find they both share a love of music.

Anyways, Lyra gets really excited about their friendship and prattles on about it to Tikki.

“Wow, it almost sounds like you like him!”

“Whaaaaat? No!!! He’s just a friend, Tikki!” (Nice Adrien impression, Lyra 😃)

Along the way Silver begins questioning Giovanni’s reasons more and more, but it’s difficult for him to decide whether to keep fighting Ladybug or not because of all the things that could happen. 

Eventually Plagg sits him down and is like:

“You don’t want to fight Ladybug.”

“Right.”

“You have a friend (Lyra) who has made it clear to you that you are welcome in their home, so you would have somewhere to stay if Gio-bitch kicks you out.”

“Right.”

“Ladybug may not trust you at first, but if you explain yourself she may begin to understand, and the act of switching sides paves the path to redemption.”

“Right.”

“So SWITCH SIDES.”

“OH. OKAY.”

Then there’s the ol’ switcheroo. During the worst Akuma yet (with Kris and Ethan helping as heroes), Cat Noir is able to get close to the Akuma and Cataclysms the Akumatized object. He flees immediately, thinking it better to show loyalty in small increments pffff

It’s a HUGE shocker to Giovanni. And Ladybug for that matter. Silver already packed a bag and had his violin ready to go, he grabs his things and doesn’t bother staying. He’s a little pissed Giovanni didn’t even try to stop him.

At this point Lyra and Silver like each other, but neither know how the other feels. Silver feels SO awkward about showing up at the Bakery with his stuff and almost turns around when Lyra’s mom (who had a bad vibe about Giovanni in the first place) spots him.

“Do you need a place to stay?”

“...No.”

“You’re lying. Tell me what happened.”

Silver reluctantly explains that he couldn’t stand staying there anymore, and that he had had enough of his father’s shit. So he left.

Lyra’s mom is a bit iffy on letting him stay. Without enough context it seems like Silver is just angry with Giovanni. Silver can tell she doesn’t understand and tries to explain the situation more.

“I… betrayed him. In a way. I’m sure he doesn’t want to see me around for a while.” “I understand. Feel free to stay the night, but you should talk to your father about whatever’s going on tomorrow. If he doesn’t let you back in you’re welcome to stay.”

Lyra shows up moments after, very confused. Her mom explains the gist to her and leaves them alone to talk.

Tikki overhears Silver explain the situation with a bit more detail and becomes suspicious. If Giovanni was Hawkmoth and Silver was Cat Noir, this situation would make a lot of sense. And Silver has the same hair color as Cat Noir (Lyra is obviously none the wiser because Adrien and Marinette be like that). Tikki doesn’t draw solid conclusions (it’s very easily just a coincidence) but she takes a mental note.

I think that’s where I’ll leave it. I’m already delving into so much plot skdjfbfb Anyways here’s a bunch of bonus drawings for sticking til the end!

[i-am-just-a-kiddo]

rules: create your own post and tag 9 people to get to know better or catch up with

thank you for tagging me in this, @vishcount, eventhough we catch up every day basically 💞 i am tagging @cortue, @sassyassassy and @the-cloud-whisperer! no pressure in answering these questions to such detail, just do however you feel like. (ED) i’m sorry i forgot to tag @intyalote because i wish to know you better too! 

my ramblings under the cut: 

last song listened to:  Change (Feat. GRAY) (Prod. 코드 쿤스트 CODE KUNST) by Kid Millie

code kunst is one of my absolute favourite musical artists and i always discover new projects he was part of. this one is my recent favourite, i’ve just been listening to it up and down the past few weeks so my youtube shuffle automatically plays this.

last movie watched: The Yin Yang Master (2021) 

just like vishie, this was the last movie i watched and i think overall it was very fun? i found it very cute and entertaining in its world-building, as well as the visual design. also chen kun as qingming truly.....hits differently, wow. so it was hard to keep my cool about him because somehow he is way too stunning in my eyes. i also enjoyed the found family trope? it was very sweet. but as vishie noted too, the movie did not leave much place for the characters to develop properly so it would have deserved more time in that department. i was not that attached to any of them because the movie focused more on the plot happening than the character driven story. also funny how the yin yang master: dream of eternity was a wonderful gay feast while this movie just pulled the no homo card lol

currently reading: When The Light Of The World Was Subdued, Our Songs Came Through, A Norton Anthology of Native Nations Poetry (Ed. Joy Harjo, Leanne Howe, Jennifer Elise Foerster and more) 

i wished for this book for christmas and finally received it a few weeks ago. the past two years i’ve mostly been reading poetry (if you leave out readings for university) and i really want to educate myself on native cultures and their past. i think this is an amazing book that has a long introduction about its creation and the choices made on how the poems should be assembled. i love how so many different voices across geography, time and ages gets presented and i am excited to read more. apart from that, i am just waiting for uni taking up all my reading space again.

currently craving: a cold beer? 

since yesterday the weather has been so incredibly lovely and spring-like, i just want to go sit outside in the park or by the river and have a beer with someone. might do that tomorrow? i am feeling the holiday vibes. (also i am hungry so i should probably cook soon hmm)

current project: uni and fic ideas (and a fishtank?)

for uni i will need to hold a presentation about materiality in viennese modern designs during 1880-1930. i have this ceramic vessel by dagobert peche as my topic and i’m excited to dive into it because i am not well-versed in viennese art in general? and from what i’ve seen from his designs he took a lot of inspiration from japanese ceramics and chinese brush paintings which fits me past studies. also the question of materiality has never been the biggest focus in my studies so i am curious what will come of it, especially since our course leader wants to get us into the exhibition and hold the presentation in front of the actual object, which i have never done before (thanks covid).

i have some fic ideas which i want to get into but right now they are more vague concepts - i’ve been doing some research on korea during the 1880s-1890s for some very loosely dorian gray inspired au, but let’s see if this will take any reasonable shape. i’m also thinking about more wen ning & song lan content and maybe, possibly, some wen kexing character study? let’s see. am slowly getting back to writing and i am lowkey proud. 

and yes, i want to get a fishtank in our flat. i am so ready to have one again and my flatmates agreed so there is nothing standing in my way

current mood: tired but content

i overslept my first alarm today so i had a very stressful morning (it usually takes ages for me to get out of bed) and i did most of my first lecture but then decided to ditch it to hang out with my flatmates which was the best decision tbh. i also skipped the second lecture to hang out with them and go on a walk later to enjoy sunshine? so i think this day was very much successful on the social part. i even had ice cream. 

current wish: for my writing to return from war

i’ve lamented about this for the past few months on here, but it truly is weighing down my heart a lot. i just miss writing okay. i know i shouldn’t be hard on myself and accept that i need a break too, because indeed - i can’t force it and there is no need in beating myself up. but it still hurts because there is always something missing. i think the past two weeks i have been feeling a little bit more ready to return to it? though i truly need to be understanding with myself if it doesn’t work as i want it to. 

currently learning: materiality, persian book art and queer theory

as mentioned above, i have one course about materiality in arts, crafts and designs, focused on 1880-1930 vienna. i am also attending a lecture about persian book art from the 14th century onwards, though i have taken so many lectures with this professor already, i feel like he is repeating himself so much? i hope i will learn something new at least, so far it feels like i’m hearing the topics for the third time. and then i have a lecture about queer theory which is exactly my crowd - the people, the professor and the discussions give me so much and bring all these topics that i think about in my free time into a theoretical and scientific realm? so it’s nice to study these things in a systematic way - as systematic as it’s possible with a topic such as queer theory. this lecture just makes me feel seen and also allows me to get a broader sense of understanding how these studies developed.

something that makes you proud: my niemo oneshot  and my social activities

last week i wrote a short snippet for nie huaisang/mo xuanyu and it was the first time i had written in ages? so i feel very proud of it. and something i have been proud of lately is that i manage to be socially active a lot without feeling like all my energy has been sucked out of me? i am genuinly having fun being with people - of course it exhausts me a lot and i take breaks, but all in all it truly got easier socialising ever since i started taking my meds. my anxiety levels aren’t as high as they used to be and it helps me appreciate the presence of other people in a completely new way. this allows me not to feel like i am running away when i take time for myself. 

if you’ve read all of this, thank you! this was a fun little something 

[kickingstonesandbones]

ADA: Songs the BSD characters remind me of (even though no one asked)

I’ve recently watched all 3 seasons of the Anime, the movie and the OVA and have started reading the Manga from the beginning. Right now I am only at chapter 40 because I started reading like 2 days ago, so idk stuff that would happen after the Anime storyline (if it goes that much further than season 3 ending, I wouldn’t know). I based this off on either specific lyrics that made me think it would fit the character or a certain vibe I was getting from a character. For some characters it was easier, for some not so much lol It is why some characters have multiple songs that make me think of them while others only have one (if they even do have one, that is – but the ADA does, except for Katai). So please do not rip into me because you think a song might not fit them as well as I do, because I just have not gotten to the latest chapter of the Manga yet, so there are some characters I do not know that well yet but I wanted to do this for fun. Other than that, I hope you enjoy this list~ Also, feel free to add to my list if you have songs that I haven’t mentioned but think would fit the characters, if you want to~

My taste in music is also pretty broad and not limited to certain languages or genres (though I do have my preferences), so I will provide translations of the lyrics in different languages from English. The German ones (like Kontra K, Elif, etc.) were translated by myself (on the spot), for other languages like Romanian or Korean, etc. I had to look up translations on the internet.

Disclaimer: For the songs for Dazai, one might want to consider a TW, for one of his songs has extremely open-no-room-for-speculation suicidal lyrics. If this affects you, please skip that one, I will put that song last on his list.

And, well, because this is 12 pages long in the document, I will be making a cut here…

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𝔸𝔻𝔸 𝕚𝕟 𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝

💙 Wölfe (Wolves) by Kontra K 💙

It’s about so much more than just strength, it’s about solidarity and virtue / It runs so much deeper than your wounds could ever get / We’re walking through the fire together until the day we die […] /

And we are so infinitely far away from being perfect / But what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger / And hope dies last / It dies last /

A lot of the members have been through quite some shit, but they hold it together all the time and always pull through and manage to keep moving forward sooo (some random arsehole I talked to spoilered me about Yosano and Mori  -_-)

💙 Born For This by The Score 💙

A force that they can’t stop / They just don’t get it, I think they forget / I’m not done until I’m on top / I know I was born for this / I know I was born for this […] /

We are the warriors, who learned to love the pain / We come from different places but have the same name / ‘Cause we were born for this / We are the broken ones, who chose to spark a flame / Watch as our fire rages, our hearts are never tame /

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ℕ𝕒𝕜𝕒𝕛𝕚𝕞𝕒 𝔸𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕚

💙 Believe by Hollywood Undead 💙

I can’t believe / That when I breathe / That there’s something good inside of me / Just one good thing inside of me / So close to me / That memory / Of that one good thing inside of me / Just one good thing inside of me /

If I went out the back door, nobody would stop me / But, where would I go? / ‘Cause I ain’t never had a real home / So, what do I know? / So, I could keep runnin’, hide until they find me / But, what would that do? /

That he really hates himself that much and how insecure he is in his right to be alive not just simply because he is a living being really hurts to see.

💙 Face it by NF 💙

Don’t know how to face it / Let’s go back to basics / Yes, say what you mean, do what you say, but man I hate this / I just don’t know what I’m chasing, don’t know what I’m chasing / Yes, somebody told me / Life is something you don’t wanna play with / But I just keep on playing like life is just a playground […] / I look at myself and I ask what the goal is / Yeah, tell me what your goal is / I’m just so lost in emotions, I don’t even notice / I just slip into a place and I don’t think straight / Devil in my ear tryna tell me everything’s great / And in a year realize I’m in the same place / Running in the same race, same pace […] /

Get that sickness out my mouth / I feel like my train is derailing / I can feel it / Yo these words are only words until they actions / Words until they actions, strive on empty satisfactions / Yeah, the fact is I don’t know, fact is I don’t know /

💙 월식  (My Tragedy) by Taeyeon 💙

At the end of an empty day / Everyone busily returns from somewhere / In the red night sky / I disappear into the darkness little by litte / These many sparkling lights / There isn’t a single light that’s mine / Under the cold shade by myself / Like it wasn’t there from the start /

💙 Oceans by Jacob Lee 💙

I learnt to let go when I was younger / Scared of growing old / I would swim far into the ocean / And try to stay afloat / Until my lungs would cough up water […] /

I don't want love no more / Though it's the one thing I've been searching for / Though it's the one thing that I miss the most / Now I'm afraid to be alone / I learnt to grow old when I was younger / Scared of staying young / Afraid of the thoughts that I had conjured / That sat atop my tongue / Knowing I'd change the worlds opinion / If they would just, listen up / But they won't, now /

I feel worthless / Maybe I should open the drawer / Burn the pages / Write poems with the ash on the floor / Pour the ink, into the sink / And watch it drain from the shore /

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𝔻𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕚 𝕆𝕤𝕒𝕞𝕦

I know Dazai has a looooot of songs, but tbh I could’ve added at least another 15 because. There. Were. Just.  S O .  M A N Y .  T H A T  F I T  H I M  S O  W E L L ‼‼ (Well, at least the ones I could think of off of the top of my head right away.)

💙 Believe by Hollywood Undead 💙

Don’t you know, little boy, they’ll lay you to waste, man / Little do they know, every song is a lifespan / Yeah, they’ve taken one, but I’m takin’ my last chance / To hold all we know and let go with both hands / Though, don’t you know that plots are made from concrete / Right through the stone, can you hear my heart beat? / Beats through my bone, like no memory left me / Not for a second or a minute when I dream […] / My heart beats heavy in an open chest / And, I wanna say goodbye, but there’s nobody left /

I broke it all, and I put to the test / Put your hands in mine, and feel this emptiness / There’s no beat in my chest / ‘Cause there’s nothin’ left / No, it ain’t goodbye, its a last caress  / What’s another dream? / You could hardly sleep /

Makes me think of Oda aka the bond they had aka the admiration Dazai had for him.

💙 Face it by NF 💙

I ain’t sleeping lately / I ain’t sleeping lately / Yes, I know that I’m the only person that can change me / Maybe, that’s why I ain’t changing / That’s why I ain’t changing / I got too much on my mind, I guess I don’t know how to face it /

He obviously has a lot of issues, and I bet he still doesn’t think of himself as a good person. It strikes me as if he’s thinking that Agency Dazai is not much different from Mafia Dazai. “Your hands are black. Mafia black,” as Higuchi said. I think he did not deny it when she said that, so he doesn’t disagree with her.

💙 Rain by Hollywood Undead 💙

I don’t mind, no I don’t mind, I don’t mind the rain / Simple things and subtleties, they always stay the same / I don’t mind, that I don’t mind, no I don’t mind the rain / Like a widow’s heart, we fall apart, but never fade away (fade away) /

Run like a child, do you know where I came from? / No, I don’t, but I’m singing all the same songs / I’m alone, and you’re looking for your anyone / Does it hurt just to know that it’s all gone? / I can feel the pain in the words that you say / Hidden in the letters that were written to no name […] / Buried in red, white, and a side of some blue / Some will die too late, and somebody too soon / If he could come back, we’ll see what it cost him / We had to lose it all, just to know that we lost one /

💙 Lass mich lieber allein (better just leave me alone) by Kontra K 💙

Man, don’t explain the world to me, it isn’t perfect / And just as imperfect are also you, her and me / All of that isn’t a problem to me / But tell me, since when does hatred laugh so audaciously into my face? / But it’s somehow alright for me […] / Man, I wish for a minuscule part of naivety back / But it seems it’s somehow too late for me / Somehow already too late for me […] /

Already been wandering for so long, you forget / Who is worthy of sacrificing yourself for and for whom you better not do it / You run along the street of success without any luck (on your side) / But she walks out of hell into heaven only once and then right back / If you end up where you started then where is the meaning? /

Because I also have my baggage to carry all on my own / Just like all of the fuckers that think I’m living in heaven all by myself / But the fire and the flames in which I’ve been standing in for so long already / Man, they refuse to see them / But it’s somehow alright for me /

You better just leave me alone / Because when they carry you on their hands, they will (eventually) let you drop / I’d rather fall alone/by myself / Rather alone/by myself /

💙 Lies by Will Jay 💙

I'd rather tell myself if I ignore / These thoughts they'll go away / And my toxic friends have changed / Truth is I hate confrontation / Deal with it tomorrow / 'Cause there's nothing I can do / That's my favourite excuse / Feeding my procrastination […] /

And I think I just realised I would do anything / To keep hiding the pain I've been burying / That's why I tell / Lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lies /

💙 Du willst es (You want it) by Kontra K 💙

Only the good ones die young, and not long after the best ones follow / No idea, ask death why he thinks that I am so damn bad / Still here, we’re almost not worthy of heaven / Working day for day, only the hatred kills the pain / Life will shoot you in the chest but only ever hit your heart / Thank God that place in my chest has been emptied a long time ago […] /

We asked God, “why” / But the devil said, “doesn’t matter” / We’re swimming in a pool full of misery / But bring us another glass of it /

💙 Wie gemacht dafür (like we were made for it) by Kontra K 💙

Pretty normal, normal / Because you can’t get me, get me further down (the hole/ditch) / Than I’ve already been, you get it? […] / I’m going one-on-one with my inner demons, and I’ve been doing that for the past 13 years / I’ve been there, no matter what happened / Ask your gangsters, they know my voice / Have respect, respect for the realness / But fucking piss me off, and I’ll be sending you to heaven […] /

What pressure are you talking about, I inhale this city deep into my lungs / Put it on the beat and I’ll be giving you a new reason for your hatred /

Like we were made for it, we’re running through hell barefooted / We’re living rent-free in their heads, with the real ones, with the real ones / Like we were made for it, always loyal to my people / Swapping none of my friends for money, for the real ones, for the real ones […] /

If you’re my enemy, I’ll give you lead (bullets) / If you’re my friend, I’ll give you love / Because a wolf stays fucking loyal only to his family /

💙 Lonely by Nathan Wagner 💙

Is everybody lonely? / Is everybody scared? / Is everybody worried / That no one really cares? / See I'm afraid to love, but afraid to be alone / Still I wonder why my heart is always broke / What a way to live, let the fear take all control / Oh, this ain't life, no / I'm not alive […] /

'Cause I'm afraid to show the people who I am / I'm not special, I'm just a simple broken man / So I will hide my face with my picture perfect mask / Oh, this ain't life, no / It's just a lie […] /

If I looked you in the eye / And showed the broken things inside / Would you run away? / Would you run away? / If you saw my darkest parts / The wicked things inside my heart / Would you run away? / Or are you the same? /

The following one makes me think of Mafia Dazai

💙 Body Count by Grey ft. Thutmose 💙

I got a hunger, I got a fever / And it just won't quit / I got a temper, I got a bullet / With your name on it / Everybody wonders what it's like on top / I don't gotta wonder 'cause I call the shots […] /

My blood runs cold and my feet run faster / I still got heart, I hear a heart don't matter / Say what you want and it'll be your last words / It ain't a secret, I got a hit list / And baby, you're up next /

Stack 'em up, stack 'em up / Teach 'em not to fuck with me / Bag 'em up, bag 'em up / Let 'em know who runs these streets / Take 'em down, take 'em down / Count 'em out like one, two, three / Add a-na-na-na-na-na-na-nother one  / To the body count /

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T r i g g e r   W a r n i n g  !

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💙 Bullet by Hollywood Undead 💙

Gone too far and yeah I'm gone again / It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends / I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends / One’s a bottle of pills, one’s a bottle of Gin / I'm twenty stories up, yeah I'm up at the top / I'll polish off this bottle, now it's pushing me off / Asphalt to me has never looked so soft / I bet my momma found my letter, now she’s calling the cops / I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it / 'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance / Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent / 'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is / I've been trying too long, with too dull of a knife / But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice / I never bought a suit before in my life / But when you go to meet god, you know you wanna look nice /

We hit the sky, there goes the light / No more sun, why's it always night / When you can't sleep, well, you can't dream / When you can't dream, well, what’s life mean? / We feel a little pity, but don't empathize / The old are getting older, watch a young man die […] /

When you were young, you never thought you'd die / Found that you could but too scared to try / You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye / Climb to the roof to see if you could fly /

So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow / Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow

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𝕐𝕠𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕠 𝔸𝕜𝕚𝕜𝕠

💙 Brunette Ambition by Qveen Herby 💙

'Cause it's been three weeks and four days / No days off, just runways / I’m fucked up, I'll throw shade / Outwork you on a bad day […] /

On a mission, got no competition / It's hard to sleep with brunette ambition / Revenge is sweet, pussy: my religion / They say slow down, but I never listen /

Old me forsaken, these rules are for breaking / I get lonely with no new friends / Associate, but they can't relate / When you want the world, they’re uncomfortable /

This one is 50% lyrics, 50% overall energy of the song. Yosano is a bad bitch, and I love her.

💙 STFD by TeZATalks 💙    [Flash Warning for epilepsy]

I'm not here to take no names or reservations / I'm the devil telling Satan I'm just wild / Sit the fuck down / Imma kill it let me live just how I'm livin' / Ghetto heart with good intentions / I'm just wild / Sit the fuck down /

I'm chasing freedom for the fearless / I gotta do it 'cause I can't chase fear myself / I'm 'bout as broken as I confess / But better than most that lay cower / Proud of who they crowd / You don't know me / Coming to take your crown / Bow down / You know that I can do better, better / I don't need you to come in and show me how / Settle down / Cause you know that I can do better, better /

This song is mostly just the vibe for me. Quite…. unapologetic. Like the badass bitch vibe Yosano gives off, despite (or probably especially because of) her past.

💙 Nur mir (only to myself) by Elif 💙

Can’t believe what’s happening to me / Your words have manipulated me / I shouldn’t lose the connection to myself / Because otherwise your words will always stay with me / At first, you were there for me / But then you wanted me as your property […] / This city is big enough for the two of us / I have to share it with 4 million others anyway / I get onto the same train, stand on the same platform / Oh, everything’s profit (to you), everything’s yours /

But I only belong to myself, only to myself / Belong to myself, only to myself / Not to her, not to him, not to you /

💙 Disease by Hollywood Undead 💙

Our words are broken but they’re spoken aloud / So come together, come together again / The time is now, let Armageddon begin / They say beginnings always start with the ends / I say forever and forever, Amen /

Forget what you are / Forget what you feel / We stand apart but fall together / Nothing ever lasts forever /

We’re born to live, we’re born to die / We’re forced to swallow these pills and to never ask why / What I’ve become, why can’t you see / That everybody, everybody, everybody’s got this disease? /

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𝔼𝕕𝕠𝕘𝕒𝕨𝕒 ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕡𝕠

💙 The Wolf by SIAMÉS 💙

Each and every day / Hiding from the sunshine / Wandering in the shade / Not too old, not too young / Every night again / Dancing with the moonlight / Somewhere far away / I can hear your call […] / Ain’t no fairytale / What I see in your eyes / Awaiting your mistake / Not too close, not too far /

Honestly, finding a song for Ranpo somehow was harder than it should’ve been lmao Originally, this song is about addiction, but if you read them in the sense of it being about a criminal, whom Ranpo is about to catch, it makes more sense. I am sorry I can’t provide a better song for him right now djhfksjlhdfujhhgkfc

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𝕂𝕦𝕟𝕚𝕜𝕚𝕕𝕒 𝔻𝕠𝕡𝕡𝕠

💙 Fuck You by Silent Child 💙

Am I wasting my breath on you / Feels like my words are never getting through, yeah / I never said I hate you to someone so much before / I'm light headed when we talk and then you shut the door, god damn / Like what are we still talking for, yeah /

I really hope you don’t see tomorrow  / I tried to play nice with you / 'Cause all you ever do is try to fuck up my day / And you were successful / (But I know the truth) / No you don't have anything better to do / Everything you ever loved has tried to escape you / So why would I want anything to do with you /

Fuck you /

Don’t lie, he would blast this at full volume when Dazai fucks up his schedule again HAHAHA (I love their dynamic)

💙 Waiting by Zhavia Ward 💙

The truth is you don't even / Know what the hell you believe / But you should believe / Lions don't lose sleep / Over the opinions of sheep /

So if you're waitin' / To watch me fall / Watch me fall / Watch me fall / I'ma keep you waitin' / To watch me fall / Watch me fall / Watch me fall / I'ma keep you waitin' /

Empire State kinda view / And I'm up here with the crew / I got the feelin' that you wishin' / You could be up here too / Maybe I should feel bad for you / Be a little sentimental / But I don't, no I won't / Make excuses for you to hide behind /

This one makes me think of the time Fyodor tried to break him mentally by making that little girl sacrifice herself (Season 3), but he got back up pretty quickly again after having his ideals get shaken like that.

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𝔽𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕐𝕦𝕜𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕚

💙 S.C.A.V.A. by Hollywood Undead 💙

Here's the massacre, a mausoleum fit for me / Lived a hundred years, a hundred years I didn't see / Gave all my hope away, isn't any left for me? / Bombs are splitting atoms, what can the future bring? / We can fill a million choirs and wait till children sing / We can walk a million miles and end up in the sea / And our lungs just keep filling and lying when we breathe / The world's filled with liars, liars like me / And I look at my child, it's finite, this feeling / Eyes blue like the sky, I see all of this meaning / I reach up to God and I ask if I'm dreaming […] /

Everybody says greetings and goodbyes / Everybody pays, no one knows the price / We know the price of sin, the sin of sacrifice / I know I'll sin again, but who can save me twice? / How much can we ask? You'll get the answer first / How much can we kneel with the air that chills the earth? / The air keeps getting colder, my knees keep hitting dirt / The innocent can cry without the guilty getting hurt / You ask who you love and you don't know, no, do you? / The spirit of God just passes right through you / You gave away heaven, handed right to you / And I can see it all, tell me, is it true? /

Fukuzawa is that anime character that’s visibly been through a lot of shit (and has done a lot of shit as well, even morally grey or black), which could be why he’s so stern and not a man of many words. Marked by life, if you will. He also gives off a very “wise man” kinda vibe right from the beginning, so I think that this song somewhat fits him because it is wondering about the state of the world and human nature.

💙 Courtesy Call by Thousand Foot Krutch 💙

This is your last warning / A courtesy call / I am not afraid / Of the storm that comes my way / When it hits it shakes me to the core / And makes me stronger than before / It’s not a question about trust / But will you stand with us? […] /

There’s a rumble in the floor / So get prepared for war / When it hits it’ll knock you to the ground / When it shakes up everything around / But survivial is a must / So will you stand with us? /  

This song just has that badass vibe. And no one can deny that Fukuzawa has a badass and intimidating vibe as well as he seems so stern and stoic most of the time.

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𝕋𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕜𝕚 𝕁𝕦𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕣𝕠𝕦

💙 Nesimtit by Mark Stam 💙

I don't have lots of cash / But enough for me to buy you an ice cream / For us to go on a walk / And for you to whisper to me in the waves of the ocean / I've taken some days from the border / And I put some behind the door, on ice / For cloudy weather / So that we can have them when the movie of life passes […] /

Let me be your lifeline / When your world is in the process of demolition / Let your dreams fly / I promise, we'll catch them somewhere around the sun /

Oddly enough, the Tanizaki siblings were just as hard for me as Ranpo… There aren’t really that many songs that would make me think of them. But this Romanian one made me (partly) think of him, I also think it’s cute and would probably fit him lol Especially the last four lines make me think of him and Naomi. After all, he’d even burn down the whole world if it was for her sake. All in all, this just sounds like him in the sense of a really supporting person/friend/brother.

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𝕋𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕜𝕚 ℕ𝕒𝕠𝕞𝕚

💙 You Should See Me In A Crown by Billie Eilish 💙

You say, "Come over, baby / I think you're pretty" / I'm okay, I'm not your baby / If you think I'm pretty /

You should see me in a crown / I'm gonna run this nothing town / Watch me make 'em bow / One by one by one / One by one by / You should see me in a crown / Your silence is my favorite sound / Watch me make 'em bow / One by one by one / One by one by one /

Naomi isn’t giving me the same “badass bitch” vibe as Yosano does, but she does have that “badass princess” vibe. Is that making any kind of sense? Like, she does not have an ability, but she is neither dumb nor completely helpless in all situations. So, there is a slight badass vibe, but not the “I can and I. W i l l . Kick your stupid. Bitch. Ass.” – so a…. “badass princess”? Because she also has that elegant aura about her. I hope I am making sense…?

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ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕦𝕟𝕠 𝕂𝕚𝕣𝕒𝕜𝕠

💙 2! 3! by BTS 💙

We know that you are happy right now / That you're slaying right now / You have all what you deserve / And we are so damn proud / But you're people, like us / You have spars, you get hurt / You get tired of the pressure / You get tired of the rush / God, thank you so much! / For giving us the chance / To tell you that we're here for you / And this will never change /

Lay on us / When dark times come and surround you / Our light will help you to get through / Our love is gonna heal you / Lay on us / The ones who would go to space to / Steal some stars just to give you 'cause it would make you feel good / We're gonna stay with you forever, until the end / We swear that we're not going anywhere / Yeah we're not going anywhere / We know the road can be so tough / But with holding hands / Together we take a nice deep breath /

Haruno strikes me as the kind of person, who’d be a really supportive friend, so I thought this might fit her. I have not seen much of her and her character neither in the anime nor in the manga yet, so I don’t really know whether this is any good or if it does her any justice.

On the other hand, I feel this song would also fit the Tanizaki siblings well.

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𝕄𝕚𝕪𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕂𝕖𝕟𝕛𝕚

💙 Puste sie weg (blow them away) by Kontra K 💙

Love in the air – blow it away / 9mm on the chest – then blow it away / 3g on the mirror – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest / Hate in the air – blow it away / Pressure on the chest again – then blow it away / Seven sins in my head – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest […] /

Because everyone’s talking, talking, talking too much / But unfortunately never do it, do it, do it / And I don’t hate, hate, hate the player / But I’d rather kill a whole team by myself /

I’d rather have three, four warriors than one thousand “brothers” / I’d rather pick up cents from the ground than break bread with liars / I’d rather be broke like I used to be than be a part time dealer / I’d rather have a heart of gold than sharing with no one at all (no one) /

Hatred in the air – blow it away / Pressure on the chest again – then blow it away / Seven sins in my head – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest /

Take the lyrics quite literally, “blow them away”. The feeling of this song fits him, I think, because of his sheer strength. He just blows away hatred, malice, etc. and is unaffected by any of it as his heart and his head stay innocent and pure, even if naive.

I have to say though, it can be a pun, especially the part of “9mm (gun) on the chest” would be most obvious for it (especially considering that the “on the chest” part does not specify in German whether it’s your own chest or you are holding a gun to someone’s else’s chest lol). In general “puste xy weg” means to blow it away with the air out of your mouth, but colloquially it can also mean gunning down something or someone. And if you apply that meaning to every single line with “blow it away”, the meaning turns around from not letting it bother you to killing it, which I find interesting with this character. (Because he definitely has great potential to actually kill someone with his ability alone.) Though what I thought when I heard this song was that it might fit him with the meaning of him letting nothing bother him.

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𝕀𝕫𝕦𝕞𝕚 𝕂𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕜𝕒

💙 Alaska by Elif 💙

Sometimes I’m thinking, I’m going insane like everyone else / They said I’d be going nuts and yeah, I’m starting to believe them / -7°C, I’m walking through the city park by myself / The down jacket is keeping me warm, but in my heart, there’s Alaska /

I don’t know what love is / No matter how much of it I get, I need more of it / It’s tearing me apart on the inside / When I, once again, don’t know where I’ll be getting it from / Even my therapist says, he doesn’t know any further / My dark side, it’s stronger than the good one / My youth was poisened, the future is uncertain / It is how it is yeah, it is how it is /

💙 Godsent by Smash Into Pieces 💙

I used to share, I used to care / The good in me is gone I'm bad / I used to give, I used to feel / The things you did will never heal / Take a look at me now / See what I've become / I will no longer feed the machine / Can't control the monster in me, no / The way that I feel / Makes it harder to breathe / When I'm thinking about you / The monster is real /

This makes me think of her in the Port Mafia.

💙 Boomerang by Smash Into Pieces 💙

I've been gone for a while now / But only to gain my power / I've been fighting my demons / And I'm back up on my feet (and now) / The harder you fall down / The stronger you come back later / Now I feel like an army / And I've only just begun /

This one in turn makes me think of her in the Agency.

💙 Circles (제자리) by G.Soul 💙

Oh, we know the ending / No matter how you escape / Here again / Always come back to me / Back again / Eventually / Here again / Why is it so hard to leave? / Here again / We always stay here […] / Answer me, I don’t know, no / Just don’t know / You’re getting stuck / Forever / Oh, we know the ending / No matter how you escape / Here again /

This makes me think of what Kouyou (I hope I am remembering her name correctly) was saying about her as a flower of darkness, as she was kind of turning in circles (no pun intended)–between wanting to be in the light and “accepting” that she only belongs into the darkness–at the beginning before she finally joined the Agency.

💙 Excuses (변명) by G.Soul 💙

I told you not to be too good to me / That it would make it too hard on you / No matter what you say now / I don’t hear a word of it […] / Even though I may be making a mistake / Even though I may regret this as time goes on / Baby, I think that we should just end it here now /

Even though the song in total has a different vibe (and story lmao), these parts of the lyrics makes me think of Kyouka telling Atsushi that there is no saving her, and that the light is no place for her (directly after saving her from the Port Mafia). It kinda makes me think of the part, specifically, where Atsushi suggests going on a “date” and at the end of it, Kyouka wants the last place they go to to be the police station.

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𝔻𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕚 & 𝔸𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕚

💙 Sing To Me by Missio 💙

Somehow I got nominated as a king of sadness / Got so much I know that I could even feed the birds / And that's why / I prayed, I prayed, God sent me right to voicemail / It's like, all day my vanity is for sale / Take it away, my head is in my own hell /

Sing to me, I am not doing well / Getting tired of my own words / Sing to me 'cause I can't hear myself / Through the loudness of my own hurts / Call me selfish when I say this, say this / I'm kinda helpless, and I need you / Sing to me 'cause I'm not doing well /

Somebody told me that there's two sides to this life / I think I might've chosen darkness over light /

These two are two sides of the same coin, but no side is brighter than the other. I feel like they are kind of mirroring each other in the way they feel about themselves, which is why these lyrics mirror both of them towards each other as both are in need of salvation as they’re drowning in their own minds. Dazai is just better at hiding it from Atsushi.

💙 Namae wo yobu yo (Call A Name) by Luck Life (Season 1 Ending) 💙

I was searching / For the reason I’m able to remain as myself / If there’s a version of me / That exists within your heart / That even amid the darkness on this long, hilly road / I feel I can become a new me / Able to make my way through / So that each of us, walking our individual moments, can keep on smiling / So that we can keep moving forward, exploring the meaning of life together / I’ll call out a name / Your name / So that you can remain who you are /

Technically, lyrically it’s the entirety of the song, but I will not write down all of it lmao And it’s the Atsushi and Dazai parallels here again. It’s not just the ending with the animation that shows it for me, but the lyrics reflect both of them in them as well. I absolutely loved this ending. I never ship characters as I do not care about that, but I really love these two (separately)~ (What they mean for each other aka what they might mean for each other in the future [peace of mind/finding worth for Atsushi, and a reason to live for Dazai, etc.], how they’re already helping each other [Dazai helping Atsushi with feeling worthless, and Dazai finding a bit of piece of mind], etc. etc. etc.) I haven’t loved 2 characters in an anime as much as this in quite a long time (The last time was Kougami and Akane in Psycho Pass) as I find making up characters as complex as them and make them fit together as well as them/make them complement each other/balance each other out is actually pretty hard to do really well.

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Making up this list took waaaaay longer than it should’ve. (I did not include Katai because I couldn’t think of a single song for him, sorry.)

[disaster-bay-leaf]

Ok so these were the cutest~ (ㆁωㆁ)

4, 6, 7, 9, 12, 19, 22, 23, 28, 33, 34, 46, 47, 52, 59, 60, 63, 66, 83, 87, 88, 93, 99

I kno I listed like....all of them lmao but feel free to answer whichever you want and ofc you can ask me in return Baybe ( ◜‿◝ )♡

uHUHUHUHU much content for me to answer, im happy bebe 💜💜💜✨

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

hm coffee either Very Black No Sugar (for the sleep deprived me) or iced latte three sugars and theres no in between

and as for tea its All Black Teas That Exist, cinnamon-flavoured especially (but basically all teas that come to mind when u think “autumn”), and rooibos!!! okay basically the only oke i dont like is any type of green tea (which is sad because they look cool but my tastebuds said ✨no✨)

6 - do you keep plants?

honestly id l o v e too because i love plants but,,, im kinda horrible at taking care of them though still way better than the majority of my family (research helps) so the only plant i own is kinda a small-palm-tree-looking thing in a bigass glass jar that i saved from my mother’s plant-destructing hands and its mostly doing well (the ends of its leaves are starting to be yellow tho and im worried:((( )

7 - do you name your plants?

yes!!! though the current one was named by my sister and its called “pickett” after fantastic beasts shsjjsj

9 - do you like singing/humming to yourself?

oh god oh dude you have n o idea

i have absolutely n o singing voice but its something i do constantly to give my brain the right amount of stimuli so basically i listen to music 24/7 and hum to myself 99% of that time

12 - whats your favourite planet?

oh i actually didnt think about this for so long but either pluto (hes a planet screw nasa) or saturn (RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or venus (girls,,,and libra,,,)

19 - do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?

okay im gonna be completely honest with yall and say that my every single try at keeping a journal failed spectacularly and i lost motivation after like a few months so my only journals rn are my fancy fake-leather-bound calendar to note tests and assessments into, a kinda roughed up notebook that i uses for noting down poems or scribbling or passing notes in class, and a kinda fancy bullet journal notebook that i used as a book of shadows for a while but since my fountain pen died i didnt touch it

22 - are you a morning person?

n o

i am so not a morning person but i wish i could be because honestly dawns are beautiful

but as it is rn im either sleep deprived all the time and loathe every second of being in an awake state or (if i have a few days of schoolbreak) my biological clock moves forward a few hours and i sleep 2am-10am

23 - whats your favourite thing to do on lazy days with zero obligations?

except for the fact that i dont remember the last time it happened, i would probably spend it drawing outside, watching anime with my sister and riding a bike around the forest

28 - sunrise or sunset?

i love sunrises because its so peaceful and everyone is asleep but also i subconsciously immediately correlate them with waiting for a train to take me to school (because thats basically the only time i see them) so its a bittersweet love especially with my fucked up biological clock

but sunsets are really really pretty too and i see them more often so i cant choose

33 - whats your fave pastry?

and isnt that a millior-dollar question dhsjjsjsj

either cinnamon rolls (i absolutely adore them) or that one specific type of cupcake-shaped-thing made out of shortcrust/bread/whatever its called and filled with vanilla pudding

34 - tell us about a stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

awwww this is cute

okay so basically my two favourite stuffed animals (i still have them, they sit in my wardrobe) were two teddy bears (like maybe 20cm high each of them) and one was pure brown and the other was silver-brown and they had stereotypical polish male names “Waldek” (read. Valdek) and Stefan (i think tho im not sure if i remember correctly, my memory is a feeble thing sometimes

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of

what dog would never bite you? a hot dog *badumtss*

47 - what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

huh a year ago id say pineapple pizza but i guess i dont hate pineapples that much anymore (tho putting them on pizza is still an abomination) but i think that if id ever want to get rid of anything it would be parsley, i hate that freakin herb (does it count as food tho)

52 - what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

the ever given for sure shsjshjsjsjsjjsj

but bullying tramp stamps is gold and pure tumblr energy too

as for fandom memes: im in love with all keeping-up-with-the-todorokis variations and the fact that the entire bsd fandom looked at fukuchi and said “biTCH” and thats one of the only things we’re unanimous about

59 - whats your favourite myth?

i always liked the kora/persephone myth (though demeter is an overbearing parent to the nth power), loki and thor crossdressing at a party to get mjolnir back, atalanta because shes a queen and id politely ask her to kick my ass, and cassandra because she deserved better, and theres a l o t more because alas i was a mythology nerd but this post is long enough for me not to make this section 20 times longer sjjsjsjsjsjks

but there are a lot of slavic myths that are very cool too, though we dont know that much about them as about the greeks for example

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

o o o o h yeah i do like poetry because to create such a beautifully sounding thing with only words someone has to be a genius

some of my favs are: some works of nakahara chuuya (thank u bsd for introducing me to this man’s beautiful imagery in his works i swear to god the descriptions do it for me) (also his poem about having hangovers is a mood like i feel you buddy), the raven by ea poe (i know everyone likes it but hOLY DAMN THE INTER/INTRAVERSE RHYMES ARE LIKE,,, BREATHTAKING) (and aso im a slut for gothic horror), and many more but also That One Poem From Welcome To Nightvale about reaching the island in the west,,, only perfect vibes from it

63 - are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be?

okay heres the thing. for anyone else both my playlist library and my bookshelf would be considered pure chaos of a mad man b u t they actually have a highly focused system which means that i sort them based on their vibes, lovability and (in case of books) their age and whether or not theyre a part of a series so i would say my bookshelf is rather organised (when a quarter of it isnt occupying my desk that is) and my music is more organised than not but sometimes it gets out of control and i have to sort it entirely again

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

either entirely constructed of simple white daisies, entirely constructed of only white roses, or something that probably would win a “how many different coloured flowers can one fit in a flower crown” competition

or something purple (maybe not belladonna)

83 - whats some of your favourite album art?

god i dont know if it counts but hozier’s wasteland baby is probably one of my absolute favourites and no one shall beat that

“thrifted youth” (dalynn) and “standard deviation” (danny schmidt) have very aesthetic covers too

also the iconic p!atd too weird to live, too rare to die! album cover,,, its just iconic what can i say

and last but not least matt meason’s pink-and-black album covers (though bank on the funeral is really pretty too but like,,, “who killed matt meason” d o e s it for me and so does the 2017 tribulation single)

87 - what are some movies that you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

this is such a hard question because im not a really cinematography-oriented gal but i suppose that (at the risk of not going deep enough into the cinema world):

- the princess bride

- inception

- night at the museum

- SPIRITED AWAY

- forrest gump

- truman show

- E.T. (i cried okay)

- the lord of the rings (because damn me if this isnt one impressive adaptation)

- parasite

and one more personal recommendation: “ready or not” with samara weaving because goddamn i dont usually watch this genre but holy s h i t is it good

93 - whats the hairstyle you wear the most?

honestly just plain hair down (because having curly hair is a menace), split in the middle when i have longer hair and split on one side when its short

also low ponytails or half-up-half-down when im exercising, or double french braids when my hair doesnt cooperate enough to look presentable in any other form

99 - list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them

this is difficult because my music taste is a goddamn rollercoaster on a good day, but heres some:

- me and the sky from “come from away” musical (this is sort of a test song for my mental stability, if i cry i aint stable)

- dancing after death by matt meason (okay most songs by matt meason except for like,,, hallucinogenics maybe)

- tears and rain by james blunt

- i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

- almost home by mxmtoon

- anything by hozier really but shrike especially

- payphone, the cover by alex g (i cried to this song so many times)

- burning pile by mother mother (can i roast all my problems please)

- long way from home and cleopatra by the lumineers

- autoclave by the mountain goats

oooh that was c o o o o o o o l as fuck thank you sm so much bebe (and sorry for the long post @everyone else)

[amwritesitall]

Cordelia Goode Playlist

Masterlist

I’m sharing these so I have post schedullleeedd for my days oooofffff. They most likely won’t be popular but it’s all good :) I’m going to put little baby reasoning since this is a thicc list

Playlist link

Also if you guys want more character playlists go check out @make--your--life--spectacular​ ‘s playlists. Here’s links to Ally and Venable :)

“Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac

Now here I go again I see the crystal visions I keep my visions to myself It's only me who wants to wrap around your dreams And have you any dreams you'd like to sell? Dreams of loneliness

So the first few songs all kind of have the same reasoning and that is witchy vibes. You can’t have a Cordelia playlist without some Fleetwood Mac

“Rhiannon” by Fleetwood Mac

She is like a cat in the dark and then She is the darkness She rules her life like a fine skylark and when The sky is starless

The ultimate witchy vibes song

“Seven Wonders” by Fleetwood Mac

So it's hard to find Someone with that kind of intensity You touched my hand I played it cool And you reached out your hand for me But if our paths never cross Well you know I'm sorry but If I live to see the seven wonders I'll make a path to the rainbow's end I'll never live to match the beauty again The rainbow's end

We love our talented Supreme

“Has Anyone Ever Written Anything for You” by Stevie Nicks

Has anyone ever given anything to you In your darkest hours Did you ever give it back Well, I have I have given that to you If it's all I ever do This is your song

This song is so preetttttyyyyyy. I feel like this would be one of Cordelia’s favorites

“The Witch Queen of New Orleans” by Redbone

Dime or a nickel any one could buy Voodoo of any kind She had potions and lotions, herbs and tanna leaves Guaranteed to blow your mind Early one mornin' into mucky swamp dew Vanished Marie with hate in her eyes Though she'll never return all the Cajuns knew A witch queen never dies

This song talks about Marie Laveau and idk witch vibes. Cordelia is also the witch queen while Marie is the voodoo queen

“girls” by girl in red

I shouldn't be feeling this But it's too hard to resist Soft skin and soft lips I should be into this guy But it's just a waste of time He's really not my type I know what I like No, this is not a phase Or a coming of age This will never change

A lot of songs just make me think of bb Cordelia

“Loving Is Easy” by Rex Orange County

Loving is easy You had me fucked up It used to be so hard to see Yeah, loving is easy When everything's perfect Please don't change a single little thing for me

Soft gal loving. Prime happy Cordelia vibes

“i wanna be your girlfriend” by girl in red

I don't wanna be your friend I wanna kiss your lips I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath I don't wanna be your friend I wanna kiss your lips I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath

Teen AU Cordeliiiaaaa

“Glory Box” by Portishead

I just want to be a woman From this time, unchained We're all looking at a different picture Through this new frame of mind A thousand flowers could bloom Move over, and give us some room, yeah

HOW CAN I NOT PUT THIS SONG ON HERE?? This is one of my favorite songs they have ever used on the show

“you’re my world” by atlas

You were my earth You were the planet You were the grass The wind and tides And now that you're gone I feel so out of place And now that you're gone I'm just driftin' through space

Anngsssttt

“If We We’re Vampires” by Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit

It's knowing that this can't go on forever Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone Maybe we'll get forty years together But one day I'll be gone Or one day you'll be gone

I’m going to use my reasoning from my other post about this song.

Cordelia knows that one day she will die. There will be another Supreme after her and she can’t live forever. This is her coming to terms with the fact that maybe it’s for the best that she won’t stay around forever. Not being immortal allows her to live in the moment and savor all the time she has.

“Red (Demo Version)” by Miki Ratsula

Stars light up the sky, the clock strikes twelve Adventure in sight, the hours melt Ben Howard plays, she sings along I look to my left and fall in love

When she leans in for a red light kiss And places her love on my lips Hearts and lungs increase in pace Passion overwhelms our space But, the corner of my eye lights up in green This fragile moment woken by reality Our lips depart, our breathing slows as I wait again To kiss her lips, when the light turns red

Soft teen Cordelia vibes

“Planets of the Universe - Demo” by Fleetwood Mac

I will never love again the way I loved you You will never rule again the way you've ruled We will never change again the way we are changing Oh, you'll forget the chill of love but not the strain

One of my favorite songs. The demo is my favorite version of it because it feels so raw? Like the emotions in it and also young Stevie sounds like a cutie at the beginning and end when she’s talking to Christine.

In general this is also has Cordelia vibes too lol

“18″ by 5 Seconds of Summer

I'm not old enough for her I'm just waiting till I'll eighteen I think she wants to get with me But, she's got a job in the city And she says that she's always too busy She's got a naughty tattoo In a place that i wanna get to

Being a student at the Academy and having a thing for Ms Headmistress Cordelia

“House of the Rising Sun” by Lauren O’Connell

It's one foot on the platform The other's on the train I'm going back to New Orleans To wear that ball and chain

Witchy woman

“Bad Liar” by Selena Gomez

I was walking down the street the other day Tryna distract myself But then I see your face Oh wait, that's someone else Ohh, tryna play it coy Tryna make it disappear But just like the battle of Troy There's nothing subtle here In my room there's a king size space Bigger than it used to be If you want you can rent that place Call me an amenity Even if it's in my dreams

Nervous Cordelia trying to hide her feelings. Possibly Teen Cordelia?

“Nervous - Acoustic” by Gavin James

'Cause every time I saw you I got nervous Shivering and shaking at the knees And just like every song I haven't heard yet no I didn't know the words in front of me In front of me, and oh But I don't wanna know Who'll take you home?

Season three shy gal

“Mariposa” by Peach Tree Rascals

I can't wait for you To come my way I've been far away But I'll keep runnin' Just to find a way to you til' then

Cordelia will do her damn best to get to her love. Don’t mess with her b.

“Sweet Love of Mine (Acoustic)” by Joy Williams

When you found me I was all alone The whole world around me And nowhere to call home I heard your voice sing like heaven's choir Gathered up my fears and threw them in the fire

Oh my darling, sweet love of mine I'll hold you all through the night

I don’t think this is what the song is technically about but it makes me think of Cordelia finding someone that finally loves her and helps her love all of the things that Fiona made her self conscious about.

“Hurts Like Hell - OurVinyl Sessions” by Fleurie

I don't want them to know the secrets I don't want them to know the way I loved you I don't think they'd understand it, no I don't think they would accept me, no

I loved, and I loved and I lost you

Dreams fight with machines Inside my head like adversaries Come wrestle me free Clean from the war Your heart fits like a key Into the lock on the wall

This song makes me think of Misty x Cordelia or angsty teen au Cordelia. I can also cry on demand if this song is playing

“Waiting Room” by Rex Orange County

Our family reunion I'd rather be anywhere but here It's like a pain you shouldn't ignore But my uncle's here to open the door, and I don't like him This family reunion I felt so uncomfortable, I left They all decided to stay So it's just me and my mistakes And I'd like to know that you smile when you're alone And when you need time to yourself Remember me, I won't be anyone else I'm just the boy you love

And my lover, my best friend When I heard that you don't know why you're here I fell face down And became one with the ground And my lover's best friend

Cordelia’s hella dysfunctional family and just yeah

“Fancy Shoes” by The Walters

Let's go walking in the city tonight You wear the dress that makes you look so nice Like my fancy shoes I wore them just for you Tell me why all the good ones go Well I don't know but I want it to somehow change I'll be a better man if you just stay

This one I don’t have much of an explanation for besides vibes

“Common Sense” by Joshua Bassett

Common sense tells me kiss the girl goodbye Common sense tells me leave it all behind Common sense says the girl's not worth my time But common sense ain't common when you come to mind

Delia madly in love

“I Talk to the Sky” by Maddy Estelle

I write down things I wish I could say to you I talk to the sky I collect words I wish I could give to you I talk to the sky, I talk to the sky The sky doesn't say a word

Cordelia after she’s lost her loovee the annggsstt but sis is getting a happy ending

“Two Straws” by Also Joe

You've been on my mind In rain and sunshine You've got the sweetest smile that I've ever laid eyes on You make me dance And I make you laugh But nothin puts me in a better mood than being loved by ya This is the love that I've been dreaming of

Delia after falling really really hard

-

You might like:  Audrey Tindall Playlist or  Poems that Remind Me of Cordelia Goode

[autumnpleaves]

I just chose randomly so skip any that make you uncomfy-

green: do you have a favourite flower?

purple: a poem you think describes your closest friend

orange: if you could, would you change your eye color? why? to what color, if so?

amber: what's saved as your phone's lockscreen?

charcoal: have you ever been camping?

emerald: if you had the option, would you choose to move and live in another country? which one?

erin: what was/is your best school subject?

honey: your thoughts on magic- does it exist?

gold: do you wear your socks mismatched?

mulberry: earbuds or headphones?

mint: favourite flavour of gum?

pecan: shuffle your playlist, what's the first song that comes up?

prussian blue: what's your first choice at the vending machine

Green: do you have any favorite flower?

Yes! Sunflowersssss and uh... dandelion? Catsear as well! :)

Lavenders and Daisies are also my favorite :)

Beautiful Classics

Purple: a poem you think describes your closest friend

0-0

....

Uh. Okay lemme look up a poem quickly

To All My Friends by May Yang :)

I mean I know it says closest friend, but everyone is my friend so-

Also maybe I should write one coz I can't find any that fits my closest friend

----

Flickering meadows

Glowing hollows

I dreamt a dream and I wish you were here

I close my eyes and the world disappears

You're here with me, and you're finally in my reach

I think whenever we talk, 'You're such a peach'

Late night and early morning talks

Nothing would beat this virtual daily walks

Through the meadows and through the woods

Staying at home and snacking on baked goods

Eggs and Butter, Sugar and Flour

You are my favorite flower

So thank you, for everything

When you're not here, the world no longer sing

----

Eyyy there we go! :]

Orange: if you could would you change your eye color? Why? To what color, if so?

Hmmm no!

I don't wanna change my eye color because in my eyes I'm physically perfect the way I am

I don't wanna change anything about myself, because not only will I definitely choose a really ridiculous color that will not match my entire appearance but because I most definitely would choose Flaming Fiery Orange or Darker Hazultnut Brown or Pink (I'm curious) or Silver/Gray/White /hj /lh

No but really my hair color would most definitely have to match with it and it should fit my entire vibe so I genuinely have no idea if any of that is a good idea XD

Amber: what's saved as your phone's lockscreen

Okay. I didn't think this was a question I would dread answering /j

Those are sadly not my cats. And the moment I realized you could add videos as your lockscreen, well-

Also that last picture is also my chat background :)

Charcoal: have you ever been camping?

Mmmm.... honestly I forgot. I think I have?

My aunt sells so many camping stuff and most of em ends up at my house at one point so I think I might have? I don't remember sleeping in a tent. So probably not.

XDD

I've imagined camping so many times it might as well have been reality at this point.

Camping but never overnight is the right way to put it XD

Emerald: if you had the option, would you choose to move, and live in another country? Which one?

Hmmm maybe Australia or New Zealand honestly.

Australia coz koalas and almond milk, Adelaide specifically for that rural area vibes and the uni

Melbourne for the city vibes and the theater :)

New Zealand... because it seems nice XD

Erin: what was/is your best school subject

Hmmm.... it used to be....

Let's see.

Elementary/Primary: Math, Science and Music

Junior High/Secondary: Math, Science, English, Music

High School/Uh.. Higher Secondary: Pure Maths, Chemistry, English

So yeah I definitely... did better in some of them XD

Honey (download honey now to get insane promos on yo-): your thoughts on magic- does it exist?

Yes. Definitely.

Wait actually-

I genuinely don't believe in magic. Like its not gonna happen. But I want to believe in them, so I give myself the benefit of doubt, and just like yeah it happens if it happens! I believe in miracles, not magic tho. It could exist but as of right now, mayhaps! Perhaps not! Who knows~

Gold: do you wear your socks mismatched?

I try not to XD

When my socks are mismatched either the length is different or its just not nice looking so XD

I try not to also because whenever I am aware or like purposefully do it, my skin just crawls and begs me to take it off coz its all wrong and the pair is RIGHT THERE or if it isn't THEN TAKE ANOTHER ONE! NO. MISMATCHED. SOCKS. Unless when you bought it, it is meant to be mismatched then cool. BUT OTHERWISE TAKE IT OFF ITS THE WRONG TEXTURE, SOCKS ARENT ME-

Yeah. Give it up for my brain everyone 👏

Mulberry: earbuds or headphones

Hmmm...

Long periods of time? Headphones

Short periods of time? Earbuds

Headphones have to be over the ear though

Earbuds should be able to sit snugly in my ear, but it should also be used when I'm not going to be laughing or smiling a lot because it h u r t s.

Like my muscles just push on my ear and it PUSHES THE EARBUD AND IT KEEPS FALLING OUT and when it pushes it, it just H U R T S so no thank you.

Headphones also when I don't necessarily need my glasses to see coz the glasses hook on my ear + the headphones just h u r t as well.

XDD

Gosh so many rules

Mint: favorite flavor of gum?

Hhhh, bubblegum. Wait... wait no-

Tutti Frutti or... strawberry cream? If I could prefer it I'd rather not have strawberry cream but tutti frutti is nice

No actual fruit flavors like apple, I imagine that would taste horrible

Pecan: shuffle your playlist, what's the first song that comes up?

Sure after this song ends! :)

Waiting....

Adore You - Harry Styles

I shuffled it twice by accident but the one before that was Bang! - AJR

Prussian Blue: what's your first choice at the vending machine

If there is Drinks?

Drinks - Tea. The umm... Honey Tea? Or Milk Tea depends if it has it or not, otherwise cranberry juice.

Snacks - Chips (potato chips) or Gummy Bears or Chocolate it there is any... OH AND UH SALTED PEANUTS I love those uwu

Thanks for the ask ISPINI!!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #327

starting to run outta steam... haha.

What design is on your shower curtain? It doesn't have one. Did you get in trouble for cussing on accident when you were a kid? Ha ha yeah, for yelling "HOLY SHIT!" once, lmao. Ever made a snow angel? Yeah. Do you laugh at racial jokes? Absolutley not. What’s the highest you can count in a different language? 999, in German. How’s your flirting skills? I wouldn't know, ask those I've flirted with. Have you ever cried over a breakup? For a whole year and then some. I still have episodes. What does your dream life look like? Living isolated in the woods by a river and waterfall with a fantastic spouse, me being a very successful photographer and at least somewhat above *just* financially "stable," maybe having at least one poem published, lots of pets (mostly snakes), plenty of travel opportunities (mostly for photography), being free of my social anxiety and actually being reasonably confident, back in great physical shape... I'm really daydreaming now. What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t? bleh Where did you meet your current or last significant other? YouTube, back when it was a much more social platform. Do you enjoy wine? No, it's way too bitter. What did you last ask your parents permission for? I asked Mom if I could snack on some chocolate chips she was saving for fudge (since Christmastime...). She was fine with it. Periods are fun. Do you get annoyed when you hear babies crying? I shouldn't, but I do. Me and babies just don't mix. Why were you in a waiting room the last time? I was at a doctor's appointment. What’s your lawyer’s name? I don’t have one. Do you own a lot of scarves? I don't think I own any... Would you ever get a face tattoo? I doubt it, but maybe something very small and subtle. Are your expecting anything in the mail? No. What would you like to see out of your window everyday instead of what you see now? Nature. The woods. Would you rather have a house exterior made from wood, brick, or stucco? Aesthetically, wood, but I don't support the continuation of wood housing in a society where we have many other options that don't harm the environment as much. So, realistically, brick. What is your favorite breakfast? Cinnamon rolls. Do you own a diamond ring? No. Have you ever stripped? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? IT with Girt. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. Yes or no: foreplay? Lmao who the fuck does it w/o foreplay first. Would you ever record you having sex? No fucking way. Something nobody’d ever guess about you? I used to be in great shape. Would you like to be a journalist? I actually wouldn't mind it. It was almost my minor the last time I was in college, actually, but the required courses were a no-no for me. Last year for school, we had an assignment where we had to choose a popular song to write a story based on. What song would you’ve picked? I don't know popular songs, so I'm picking any song. Off the top of my head, given my love for dark and morbid shit, maybe "Voyeur" by Otep. That song is messed up as fuck. No, it's actually not about sex, 'cuz I ain't interested in writing about that. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? I don't think it did. Do you have a long driveway? No, it's actually very short. Have you ever begged someone to stay with you? Oh yes. Are you friends with anyone missing one of their five senses? Not to my knowledge. Are you good at Pac Man? I'm no better than anyone else. Do you have an embarrassing period story? If so, what is it? No. Have you ever gotten high off a prescription medication? No. Do you prefer tampons or pads? Tampons. Pads are mega uncomf. How old were you when your parents talked to you about puberty? I don't know, actually. What stereotype do you fit the most? Geek, maybe? Emo? Idk. If you’re a worshipper, how do you worship? I don't worship anything. What’s your favorite pain reliever? Advil. Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook? Not a lot, no. Does your father have facial hair? Yes. Have you ever had a hamster? Yeah, we went through a few. All of 'em were evil. Grape or strawberry jelly? Absolutely grape. What language would you most like to know fluently? German. Do you remember the last song you slow danced to? "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. Do you plan on having alcohol at your wedding? I don't know. Do you have an idea of who you might kiss next? I know who I WANT to kiss next, but that doesn't mean it'll happen. I hate psychic questions. Who’s the most controlling person you know? She's not in my life anymore. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A centipede, to name one. I've gotten more into the idea of owning invertebrates, and centipedes are in that hobby, but they creep me the fuck out. They're cool to watch, but I don't want one in my house. Do you have a picture of you throwing up the peace sign? Yeah, it's actually one of my favorite pictures of me without makeup. Has a very "me" vibe. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? Ha, yeah. Can you tell the difference between a Scottish and an Irish accent? Nope. Can you read music? Probably not anymore. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? Finding Dory takes the cake. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? If you compliment my Markiplier tattoo because you get it, we are immediately family. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? Ozzkat. I use it essentially everywhere. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? HA, way more than once. Hyperfixation is a friend of mine. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? C U T E ! ! ! What are your thoughts on mini-skirts or mini-dresses? ALSO C U T E ! ! ! Have you ever died in one of your dreams? Yes. What appliance in your kitchen do you use the most often? The microwave. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends? Sara, yes. And Sam once in a blue moon if we're playing WoW together. Are you allergic to any animals? No. Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever been called bipolar? Well yes, because I am. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person? Hell no, and fuck you if you ever have. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it? No. Have you ever had food poisoning? I don't think so, no. Favorite emoticon? Probably c: Do any emoticons annoy you? No, but an excessive amount of them I find disruptive to whatever I'm reading. Do you think there will be a WWIII? Yup, someday. Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? Yeah, back in high school. The most interesting thing that’s ever happened to you at a grocery store? I dunno. Probably running into someone unexpected. Do you have any good book ideas? Having written RP since I was 10 years old... I could by now write a dozen dictionary-sized novels encompassing what I think are the greatest storylines. I genuinely do believe there's some fantastic stuff we've got, but there's just too many horribly dark and twisted parts in the evil mobs that I am not comfortable publishing. Are you gonna see Cars 2? Well, this is old. I never even saw the first one. In all honesty, can a person be too nice? Yep. *points at Weed from GDW* Have you ever posted a video onto YouTube? Yeah, mostly "meerkat music videos," I guess you could say. Some tributes to certain MM characters, others just music with meerkat clips. How often do you compliment other people? I try to any time I have a sincere one. I am very much for complimenting people openly and often. The Legend of Zelda series: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? I'm not a fan of the franchise, honestly. Never got the hype. Do you even game at all? Most certainly, but not nearly as much as I used to... You can only replay old games but so many times before you just can't anymore. And the "newest" console I have is the original Wii, so... I definitely don't have the modern equipment. Would you give Zumba dance lessons a try if presented the opportunity? Probably not. Definitely not while my legs are in such bad shape; the dancing is pretty intense and would seriously hurt. I could easily imagine myself fainting. Do you own a rosary? No, but I did in my Catholic-raised childhood. Do you like Adult Swim? No. Sorry excuses for humor everywhere. What’s the first thing you do when you get on the computer? Do a quick check on KM just to ensure everything's in order. What’s one thing that you just wish you could do all of your life? Not have to pay bills, haha. If someone asks for your honest opinion, do you give it? Yes, if they emphasize they really want honesty. When was the last time you felt uninformed or out of the loop? Apparently some politician (I think) died recently and people practically rejoiced on Facebook. I knew zip about him. When in a car, where do you like to sit? Passenger seat/shotgun. Have you ever fought with a good friend over something completely stupid? Oh, absolutely. There have been plenty of RP-related arguments with multiple people... In the big picture, it's laughable to fight over a game, but when you're so invested in your own creations, in the moment, it can seem like a big issue. Those drama days are long behind me now. Would you ever visit a third-world country? I don't think so, no. It would shatter my heart, especially seeing children in poverty. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? No. You overhear two people gossiping about you; what do you do? Probably call over something like, "I'm not deaf, you know." I highly doubt I'd sit there with my mouth shut. Have you ever felt manipulated? Yes. If you were homeless, how would you cope? If I was truly, entirely homeless, quite honestly, I'm almost positive I'd kill myself. Have you ever done something just to fit in? Yeah. When was the last time you tried to impress someone, for whatever reason? I'm not sure, but I've certainly done it at one point or another. Do you think that the world could function in a state of anarchy? Definitely not. How well do you know your U.S. [or your country’s] history? I mean, I know the bare bones of it, but I'm far from well-versed in history. It was one of my weak subjects in school. Would you ever wish to move to another country? I'm not kidding when I say if it weren't for family, I would probably move to Canada. What is something that you do that others might consider “nerdy”? The way I write, particularly for academic purposes. I'm very descriptive and have an exceptionally large vocabulary. Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you? Not from me specifically, but our basketball hoop was stolen from my childhood home. I doubt it was very cheap. Do you understand/notice when someone’s using sarcasm? Usually, anyway. When was the last time you were fooled? HAHA there was this drama video suggested to me on YouTube that involved Mark in the title, and I was mega confused and inevitably clicked. Now it's basically a YouTube meme just how "perfect" Mark is, so there was no real drama; apparently some newer fans are just upset at him for playing the sequel to HuniePop, a very sexual puzzle/dating game that's honestly entertaining and can be really funny. Like... he's played the original and despite the discomfort of some scenes (which are censored, mind you), he still had fun, and it was a big hit on his channel. So him playing the sequel isn't surprising, but apparently some people got shit to say. What first Impression do you hope you make with other people? Something along the lines of "wow, she's very nice." Have you ever thought about how you make other people feel/think? Well of course. I think everyone should take time to consider this. What is your stance on getting revenge? A petty waste of time. Any wise/truthful/witty quotes that you live by? Ha, another Mark answer. He once gave the casual innuendo of, "Life's hard; shouldn't you be, too?" (this might have actually been in a HuniePop video!), but when you take the... uh... sexual theme out of it, it's a good way to look at life???? Have tough skin, unmoving willpower, y'know, that stuff. Who was the last person you sat beside at a restaurant? My sister Ashley. Spongebob or Patrick? Patrick is a whole-ass mood. Would you rather watch little kid’s cartoons, older kid’s cartoons, or adult cartoons? Hm. Probably little kid's, given my love for Pokemon. How about watching regular cartoons or anime? Anime. Who is the last person you spent money on? Myself. Do you own a copy of Roller Coaster Tycoon? No; I had SeaWold Tycoon instead. I loved that game. Do you have any birth marks in embarrassing places? No. Have you used Limewire before? Of course. Free music for the low price of a catastrophic virus. :^) When was the last time you required a band-aid? I think when I cut one of my toenails way too short. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them so, so very much. Not saying I'm gonna go scoop up the first copperhead I find herping or something, but I love and respect them so very much. They are such fascinating animals. If you believe in reincarnation, what animal would you want to become? I don't think I believe in reincarnation, but hypothetically, maybe a lioness. Who do you tell everything to? Pretty much whoever reads these surveys, haha. Did you have candles on your birthday cake? Not my most recent one. Exactly, how old are you? I just turned 25 years and one month old. Have you ever been bitten by anything? Besides bugs, I don't think so. I've had cats and dogs playfight with me, but none have ever seriously bitten me with actual effort. Do you wear hats? No. What was the last song you sang along to? "Lunchbox" by Marilyn Manson. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years time? I'd like to be, but idk if it's realistic.

[mxbitters]

i’ve been doodling in a random notebook and like yell singing to every song on bullets, then out of curiosity i looked through that notebook and LMAO it was from around the end of my freshman year of high school when i was just coming out as trans,, ok more like that summer,, BRO first of all the difference in my idealized self portraits from back then vs my idealized self portraits now are HILARIOUS (i’ll post later, lmao i can draw so much better than i could back then-) at some point i was having some sort of breakdown and literally HAND WROTE “qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm” (i mean everybody has their methods but what the fuck was happening w me..) and also i’m reading some.. poem?  i don’t know.  about wanting to be a punk and honestly i used the word “purchase” too much for my own good i mean mind you i was talking about hair dye and a leather jacket (lmaooooooooooooooooooooo @ just coming out me,, i have 3,,,, loser <3 ) but like at the same time like damn i gotta say i’ve come pretty far since then wait i’ll type word for word like this is wild.  and mind you i was still hella like stereotypical emo i don’t think i even listened to against me! or anything at that point hell this was before i even saw green day anyway i’m gonna make commentary and bully this kid i unfortunately was in parenthesis 

“i want to go to target (LMAOOO) & purchase (1) black hairdye & spiking hair gel (sweetie.. no not yet), familiarize myself with the sensation of clippers against my head (ok i vibe w that). i want to fill the bathroom with the perfume of the dye & black nail polish. i want to scare them off with a single glance as if i’m a skeleton, the grim reaper, and am coming for them (i am sO glad i write better than this now). i want to go to a thrift store & purchase (2) a leather jacket (sweetie i have 3 now), second hand like my heart and soul (did you have to add “soul?”), & get patches of all sorts (... i didn’t understand “punk,” now did i) to iron on & (stop dOING THAT) paint logos and lyrics on the back. i want to make spikes, boots, and belts my armor. i want to stretch my ears (UMM NO I DO NOT!!!) to the extent that i’m considered a threat (can you tell that i was really into pop punk at the time) i want to be a punk. (there’s a song for that!) i want to spend $35 on a binder (welp there it is) so i can flatten my chest and relax for once (RELAX???? damn i wish). i want to take a weekly syringe(is that what they even call it) full of hormones (just call it testosterone.. this is what taking back sunday meant by “worse than teenage poetry”), deepening my voice, eliminating my discomfort. i want to love myself & hate the government & know what living fast & dying young (NO....) feels like. i want to be a punk. (hon..) i want to make out with someone (nOW WE’RE TALKING!!), boy, girl, nonbinary, i don’t give a shit (i mean i woulda worded it some other way but ok kiddo) i just want to feel wildly in love blind to the rest of the world with passion (yeah ok here’s the thing i was going through a really fuckin’ rough breakup period..) i want to be the skinny shirtless boy jumping into the lake(.....?), pulling my best friends in by the leg laughing like an absolute idiot. i want to be a punk.”

anyway that was embarassing it appears actually i had just gotten into against me! at the time, the four fucking bands i listened to that sorta fit into that genre were am!, pansy division (not too much though i was an innocent littol boy), green day and the menzingers, also i had a serious “&” problem it appears.  anyway glad to go on this adventure with you also i couldn’t draw for shit i think i’d also just gone to warped tour bc i had seen hawthorne heights and i came home and started writing niki fm lyrics everywhere fdsdkjsakjlf

this was also apparently my embarassing phase where i listened to every cliche emo band BUT mcr because fourteen year old me apparently thought he was too cool for that lmao

[theshinsun]

Inspired by one of the asks you've received recently: do you have any Kagami tracks that you would share with us? 🙈 Your thoughts as to why you associate those songs with him are welcome and appreciated!!! As always, love your work and I hope you're having a nice day!!

Oh ye sure!! (Sorry for the delay I’ve been absolutely swamped starting a new job and haven’t had a chance to finish formatting this -_-) I honestly don’t have as many for Kagami as Aomine -- which I think is less to do with favoritism bc I love him a lot too, it’s just my personal music taste syncs up a little less with his character -- but I’ve actually been working on a playlist for him recently so here ya go ^^:

1. Lake Effect Kid by Fall Out Boy - k I know this one’s actually about growing up in Chicago (and I therefore may be biased since it’s an anthem of mine too) but I just really vibe with the sound of it when applied to Kagami, that opening guitar riff gets me every fuckin time.

2. HARD LOVE by NEEDTOBREATHE - the lyrics in this one work well with a dark horse like Kagami I think, esp “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger/get back up”, all that; the feel is a little different than the rest of this list but it’s still an inspiring, motivational theme that resonates with my feelings for his character growth.

3. Champion by Barns Courtney - ya know I gotta throw Barns Courtney in there... this band works with Kagami really well, from the mood to the lyrics... and then the title of this one just sold me, a good theme for the boy.

4. All My Life by Foo Fighters - that beat drop tho. I could totally see a song like this playing over a montage of Kagami climbing his way through the ranks, it’s hungry and aggressive and it also fuckin slaps what more do you need?

5. Born Ready by Zayde Wølf - a lot of these are just “come at me bro I’ll fuck u up” in song form... but honestly, that’s Kagami in a nutshell to me. this song works with him on every level, at least for me, and I can’t not list it here.

6. Survival by Muse - fun fact I actually saw this track in someone’s Aomine mix, but I could totally see it with Kagami too, possibly even more so. he’s a bit (read: a lot) more motivation-driven so I think the lyrics fit him considerably better and I’ll take any excuse to throw Muse in a character playlist.

7. Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen - gotta go with the classics. and no I’m not just throwing this one out there bc of the line “leaping through the sky like a tiger”. ...probably. I think it really reflects how Kagami’s not really beating the GoM bc of some personal vendetta (unlike, say, Kuroko) he just really enjoys basketball and facing strong opponents and doesn’t ever want to have to stop. 

8. Check It Out by Oh The Larceny - I’ve actually got a couple songs by this band in Kagami’s unofficial mix, but I love this one... so much, it’s got so much energy and cocky attitude and those lyrics (“I'm on a big stage/I've got my crew/I'll get you moving/it's what I do”)  feel so much like him I just gotta.

9. Renegade by Paramore - confession time, I never grew out of Paramore... and I like this song with Kagami a lot. I don’t really have a justification other than the title and general mood but there you are. fight me.

10. Believer by Imagine Dragons - I think this one was actually in your Kagami mix lmao but I decided to add it to mine too AND LET ME TELL YOU WHY. first of all the sound really blends well with the rest of this list, sort of a rebellious marching anthem, but also the lyrics, damn... I’ve known this song for ages but I never really thought of them with Kagami and they just work, esp “I was broken from a young age/taking my sulking to the masses/writing my poems for the few/that look at me, took to me, shook to me, feeling me”. one of the few songs in this list that address his backstory before Seirin and for that I really had to steal it. 

One of these days I’ll make an actual playlist for this guy, I’m branching out from my usual MO little by little and it’s kinda about damn time I showed my boy some love <3

[imuybemovoko]

I die inside while dissecting Jesus music, part 3

Yep. Doing this shit again. It might take me a hot minute to write this one up, but I’ll get it done sooner or later. 

This one gets a bit more fucky than usual, so here’s a few (US) suicide hotline numbers and a rather serious trigger warning. If you’re going to have a hard time with religious trauma, weird indirect forms of suicidality, and that kind of thing, go read something more wholesome. Practice self care better than I do. For the love of all you hold holy, my thoughts are less important than your well-being. Do not read this if it’ll hurt you to do so.

National suicide prevention lifeline:  1-800-273-8255 Trevor Project lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 The Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741-741 Trans Lifeline:  1-877-565-8860

I’ve looked through my playlist trying to find a song that I don’t remember as being repetitive as fuck. There are artists out there who don’t make their shit sad and modular for church camps and I was at least somewhat into their stuff. There are also older hymns. The playlist is mostly full of that weird shitty contemporary Christian music, but somewhere nestled in between stacks of almost painfully similar songs from Hillsong (they’re not all samey, but they get pretty repetitive) is Audrey Assad’s Even Unto Death. 

At first glance, listening back, it seems to have some of the same formatting elements as the shitty modern-styled songs I’ve gotten tired of, but it gives me a very different vibe for a few reasons. First, Assad’s general body of work as I can find it on Youtube (and is also stored in my playlist) is largely older hymns, and that’s her general style. This song is, as far as I can tell, an original work, but its instrumental and melodic style is heavily influenced by the vibe that older hymns give off. Second, the bridge is more varied and interesting than that of Even So Come or Gracefully Broken. The song does, in the final bridge and in the choruses, engage in some repetition, but at a level that I find far closer to what’s typical in secular music. Third, the melody reminds me somewhat of old hymns in a way I don’t know exactly how to describe. I just imagine it with piano and SATB choir. Most modern Christian music just doesn’t land like that. But for the trauma, I’d say analyzing this song might end up being a breath of fresh air. 

But for the trauma...

Anyway. Here are the lyrics, and here is the video again. 

The song is formatted in a way that’s nearly typical of a pop song. You have a verse (in this case composed of “Jesus”, two lines of bullshit, “Jesus” again, and two more lines of bullshit), a three line chorus repeated twice, a second verse (same format), the chorus again but this time with a more personal form of address on the second time through, the bridge (which Genius divides into four distinct sections) with some repetitions of the final lines, the chorus again, and an outro that’s basically just some repetitions of lines in the chorus and then “Jesus” and the first line of bullshit from the first verse, twice. 

So let’s get into this.

First verse:

Jesus The very thought of You It fills my heart with love Jesus You burn like wildfire And I am overcome

Alright. These lines are (clearly) addressed towards Jesus. (Speaking to him directly is a thing people do.) The song has a bit of a mix of a romantic bent and something a... little bit weirder, and both are starting to become visible in this first verse. The first couplet is like... straightforward. The singer is very in love with Jesus and even thinking of him makes her feel things. She’s not quite doing a John Donne here, I don’t think, but this is a pretty strong thing and this is part of why I say there’s a romantic bent to this. The second stanza contains that “fire” imagery that’s often associated with the Christian god, most often the Holy Spirit, that serves the purpose of showing how believers’ whole beings should be consumed by God. Then she says “I am overcome”. This reads to me like one of those “this makes me feel things to a degree I don’t know what to do with” kind of things, but there’s an element of what I’ll describe as a conquest narrative here. ...Again, not quite doing a John Donne, but not not doing it either. 

Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend; That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new. 

Next comes the chorus, and I think it bears mention now rather than somewhere strange like I’d normally do it because this verse flows right into it. 

Lover of my soul Even unto death With my every breath I will love You

It plays through this twice. 

Gives me the same kind of vibe as Job 13:15 here.  “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.” The difference here is Assad’s song mentions love, which I guess goes beyond trust. So it’s even a bit crazier, and the “with my every breath” thing is the absolute kicker. This means she’s wanting to do literally everything, literally everything, in a way that expresses her love for Jesus. Extreme sentiments like this aren’t uncommon in song, sure, but given that we’re discussing Christianity... 

it’s not just hyperbole, they actually think this way and it’s very fucking toxic.

Also the chorus is the main reason I say this has a romantic bent. “Lover of my soul” is a fucking juicy lyric. 

Jesus You are my only hope And You, my prize shall be Jesus You are my glory now And in eternity

I think this second verse is mostly straightforward too. Literally just “Jesus is the entire source of my hope and I see him as a prize for whatever I’m doing” and “Jesus is my glory now and forever”. Glory here refers to like... honor and magnificence. In Christian parlance it refers to the condition that believers will be in after the world is overthrown by Jesus and me and all my fellow non-believing sexual deviants get hyucked straight into the eternal fire. It’s just like... shorthand for being “cleansed of sin” or whatever and living with God for eternity. I don’t know what circles Assad is active in; she might have a different take on this than I’m inclined to, but honestly given my understanding of this concept that’s primarily fueled by Protestant views and especially Evangelicalism, I’m inclined to read this as an empty threat.

Oof.

Onto the bridge. 

I notice now that the bridge has essentially two main sections. Genius says four; that’s a weird choice to me because each section they label is not doing a separate thing, but the two I see, based more on the repetition of the last two lines of each stanza and the similarity of the sentiment in the first half of each, very much are.The first chunk of it goes like this:

In my darkest hour In humiliation I will wait for You I am not forsaken

The idea here is that even in the darkest hour of their life or humiliating moments, the singer is trusting in God to get them through it and like... idk, remedy their humiliation or make it worthwhile somehow? This serves as a reminder that God hasn’t left even if it looks like he might’ve. 

Genius does a bit of a fucky-wucky here in the second section. They replace “though” with “oh”. I’m not sure how they could’ve messed this up, the video they link is literally the same lyric video that I linked, produced by Assad’s literal official artist channel, and the video shows this section the way I do below.

Though I lose my life Though my breath be taken I will wait for You I am not forsaken

This second chunk is more of the same “even if this destroys me I’ll trust you God”. Job 13:15 again, basically. Again, not hyperbole, they actually aspire to this. It’s not healthy at all. This first half of the bridge is basically just “haha I’m devoted to this relationship to the point of self-betrayal and inaction.” 

Oof.

Second half:

One thing I desire To see You in Your beauty You are my delight Yeah, You are my glory

So this third section is basically just inserting verse 2 into the bridge in slightly different words, but the role it plays here, juxtaposed so much more directly with the extreme, self-betraying devotion expressed in the first half of the bridge, is more as a declaration that Jesus is the only thing that truly matters to the singer. Like the entire vibe here is “this life doesn’t even matter to me, yeet this body and idgaf, just let me go see Jesus.” I think I mentioned in a previous post, I think another one of these depression-spiking jesus song dissections,  that this kind of mindset leads to what I’ll describe as a soft form of suicidality in which someone desires death by way of yelling at people for Jesus in places where that’s dangerous to do. If the singer’s only real desire is to see Jesus, then they’re very much at risk for this. Which prompts the question...

Is Audrey Assad okay?

You my sacrifice Oh, Your love is all consuming You are my delight Yeah, You are my glory Yeah, oh You are my glory God, yeah You are my glory Yeah

So aside from the “sacrifice” line here, which I’ll get to, this whole thing is more of the same. All-consuming love, Jesus is her delight, blah blah. The sacrifice thing refers to the crucifixion and to the framework Christianity posits by which blood needs to be spilled so that God can decide not to fucking yeet someone into an unending fire hole and that Jesus came to be the final perfect sacrifice so that no one needs to stab a goat or whatever the fuck again. 

After this there’s the chorus and the outro that’s basically just the end of the chorus and then the first two lines repeated a bit, you know, just as this last little reminder that dying is ok if it’s for Jesus. 

Which I guess is the overarching message of this song too. Dying is fun if it’s for Jesus, kids! Also let’s definitely not do a John Donne! 

I feel like I reference that poem a lot. But it goddamn fits. Like terrifyingly well. I think the reason I latched onto that poem so hard when I learned about it in my literature survey course last fall is because, minus the borderline sexual nature of Donne’s thoughts here, it maps onto my own experience very goddamn hard. I went far enough into Assad’s self-betraying devotion to God for a while there that I fantasized about dying for Jesus in a country where that’s likely. Suicide by martyrdom, if you will. 

On that note, here are the hotlines again.

National suicide prevention lifeline:  1-800-273-8255 Trevor Project lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 The Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741-741 Trans Lifeline:  1-877-565-8860

If you read this far, I guess thanks for being interested in my thoughts, and I really hope this didn’t trigger anything too serious. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I should probably go talk to my therapist about this.