#I was gonna say something about it being unrealistic that everyone just happened to be watching tv at this exact time

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Cod Characters General Dating Headcanons (part two)

+ Random and Some bits of Chubby Fem S/O Headcanons with mentions of different nationality S/O

+ What type of BF/GF they would be

Including Valeria Garza, Farah Karim, Kate Laswell, Alex Keller, Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Nikolai Belinski

+ Some Poly! Farah x Reader x Alex Headcanons

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Fem terms and pronouns like she/her are used for the reader

ꕥ HOPE YOU ENJOY! ꕥ

My rules for requests and characters I can write for

Please comment if you want to be added to the taglist, the next part or cod content alone. I also have content for TLOU and Resident Evil, so please specify.

Taglist: @marshmallowinamess

A/n: Hi lovelies! It's me again Lia, currently working on this one while I haven't even posted the other yet because I wanna post early and I love Valeria. Y'all don't got shit on me, I'm writing this shit while I'm in class AHAHAHA. Btw more Resident Evil content soon...

Disclaimers/warnings: Typical Cod things, OOC characters???, Unrealistic, Some suggestive themes and language, I'm so sorry but English is not my first language so please don't come after me. Most of the content I've seen are on TikTok and Tumblr I don't actually play the game but I love the characters so much, same with any other content I have for other video games.

Tiny sidenote: the reader in this has been describe to be shorter than the characters and has been mentioned to have a soft body rather than the muscular type.

Valeria Garza

ꕥ (Just saying, I'd let her step all over me)

ꕥ The El Sinombre falling in love? No shit she's... semi-normal??

ꕥ Black cat/Doberman girlfriend for sure. She's extremely protective and extremely terrifying when she wants to be. Scary dog privilege if you get it. (Occasionally it's funny to imagine her as a Chihuahua)

ꕥ Dates all kinds of women, body type and other things don't matter to her because she doesn't have a type. If you catch her attention then that's that.

ꕥ Loves spoiling you in everyway possible, just sit pretty for her and she'll take care of everything. Doesn't give a shit on the amount of money she spends on you, you want it? You got it.

ꕥ Loves it when you need her, it's one of the ways she feels loved and appreciated. Would never say it out loud but loves it whenever you show her your appreciation by doing manual labor.

ꕥ The idea of you being her pretty little housewife is sending her to heaven.

ꕥ Spanish pet names galore, culture is something of importance to her so will definitely teach you Spanish if she had the time.

ꕥ Would be interested learning about your culture as well because if you're gonna know about hers then she ought to know what to call you in your language. (Definitely not self-indulgent because I'm Filipina and I know she'd pronounce it somewhat correctly)

ꕥ Doesn't ever let you know about her cartel business. You can never know and she will never allow you to get ever get involved. You're too precious to her and god forbid anything will happen to you, she will destroy the world if she had to.

ꕥ She's more of a masc lesbian, she's the type who likes to be in charge in a "I'm the one who wears the pants in the relationship" way. She's very dominant.

ꕥ Doesn't ever even consider to be submissive, with the amount of shit she's been through. She can be vulnerable with you but in no way, shape or form could you ever top.

ꕥ You're an escape from the life she knew, it was peaceful with you. At first she wasn't used to it, definitely has reoccurring thoughts of something going wrong. You dying, getting kidnapped, falling into the hands of her enemies so constant reassurance.

ꕥ Would absolutely kill for you, no hesitation. The literally definitely of "I would burn this world for you", would absolutely deny it but you know otherwise.

Farah Karim

ꕥ Tabby cat coded girlfriend, she's down to earth and chill. She's that one neutral person everyone adores, she puts her best efforts into a relationship for sure.

ꕥ Has and will help you do your make-up all the time, doesn't matter whether you asked. She'll observe the specific way you do it and do it perfectly.

ꕥ Sweetest girlfriend ever, she has dominance tendencies but it's mainly because she's quite assertive and often makes the decisions. Can't help it, after all her field of work requires her to one up egotistic men.

ꕥ That being said, I think she's had some mild PTSD about how they treated her. Sure it made her tough and she didn't like to be bossed around (unlike angry Mexican man) but I like to think she keeps you out of it as much as possible.

ꕥ Chubby!Reader headcanon is that she literally would adore you, compliment anything and everything. Insecure? Not on her watch, she just makes you feel so loved.

ꕥ Most definitely has introduced you to Price (I feel like he's everyone's father figure except los vaqueros and characters he hasn't interacted with) and don't worry he's already looking after you as well.

ꕥ Poly! Farah x reader x Alex headcanons:

ꕥ You guys following whatever Farah says, towards relationship decisions anyway because you and Alex tend to be indecisive.

ꕥ Lot's of communication between the three of you even if it's just a small thing, consent is always key.

ꕥ Alex following his two wives around a lot, he's mostly behind you guys all the time.

ꕥ Farah is patient when it comes to a lot of things but especially you and Alex.

ꕥ You get head pats from both of them, Farah is in a more praising manner while Alex tends to be in a comforting manner.

ꕥ You cannot tell me these two won't be down to cuddle in any position because I know damn well they would be. More often it's just Alex wanting to be a little spoon.

Alex Keller

ꕥ Golden Retriever boyfriend FOR REAL. This man is the type of man to kneel down and clasp the strap of your shoe or heel when he notices it.

ꕥ You know when you pick up something near a corner of a table or underneath it? He's the type of boyfriend to subconsciously cover the edge or corner of that table so that if your head bumps into it then it wouldn't be as painful or even at all.

ꕥ Having said the first one, he also guides your head whenever getting into a vehicle because god forbid you actually hurt yourself. Not on his watch.

ꕥ Understands why you're insecure and definitely offers a lot of verbal reassurance.

ꕥ Is the type of boyfriend to say "Yes Ma'am" when you ask him to do something, doesn't matter whether it's a small thing or labor intensive. It's kinda become your guys' thing now since people take notice on it.

ꕥ Pouty kind of jealous? Not necessarily whiny but makes this sad upset face at you when jealous instead of something like Ghost or Valeria would do where they'd be glaring the person down jealous.

ꕥ Very thoughtful, he pays attention to what you want and what you need and knows the right timing.

ꕥ Forehead kiss giver, you cannot convince me this man doesn't love doing it. Especially when you're shorter than him, loves resting his chin on top of your head or burying his head in your neck.

ꕥ HATES seeing you uncomfortable, absolutely despises it. That's the last thing he wants you to feel when you're around him. Would understand if there's imminent danger around but it would literally being him back to life if you felt safe enough around him even if there was danger because you're confident in his capabilities to keep you safe.

Kate Laswell

ꕥ (LOVE THIS WOMAN, SHE'S FOR THE GIRLS BECAUSE IT'S CANON. ARGUE WITH THE WALL)

ꕥ She only ever let the TF141 and Nikolai meet you because of course she trusts them enough.

ꕥ They were like "So you're the infamous wife of Laswell huh?"

ꕥ Even before you were married, Kate called you her wife because she was ✨manifesting✨.

ꕥ She loves using it though, sometimes she'd be with coworkers and they'd invited her to go out to pub and drink but she'll refuse saying "Can't, my wife is waiting for me". She'd really rather just spend time with you anyway.

ꕥ Congrats, you made her quit smoking or at least she's trying to. She still does every once and a while when shit gets really bad but never around you because she knows that secondhand smoke is just as bad for you.

ꕥ She doesn't have a type when it comes to people so body is out of the question, if she feels a connection then she feels it.

ꕥ Anything and everything to keep you safe, if something were to happen to you, trust that she'll either get it down herself or if she can't then she'll turn to Price and Belinski for help.

ꕥ As much as possible, she keeps you away from everything. The job she has is just too dangerous and she can't risk you, not when you're one of the only good things in her life that keeps her happy.

ꕥ Definitely a workaholic, something as simple as asking her to eat or rest, maybe take a break. She'll do it, for you and because she knows you care for her.

ꕥ Doesn't half-ass anything, full effort when it comes to you especially when there's a special occasion between you two like holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.

ꕥ Also she loves making you laugh, more often with stories of her experiences with Price and also about how they met.

Gary "Roach" Sanderson

ꕥ (I CANNOT FIND A DECENT GIF OF THIS MAN FOR THE LIFE OF ME... Here's the credits to where I found the photo)

ꕥ Get this man a makeshift antenna, he would adore it. You made it for him because of his call sign.

ꕥ He sometimes wears it on missions but mostly keeps it so that it doesn't get damage because this man is definitely a horder, not in a bad way just anything you give to him is something worth keeping in his eyes.

ꕥ Gary definitely gives you handmade gifts back, when he knows you'll like something or even if it's at a random, he loves making them for you and he cried when he found out you kept those all in it's own box labeling it your treasures.

ꕥ Very shy and reluctant at first but once he's comfortable, he is tackling you for a hug when he gets the chance.

ꕥ Doesn't talk a lot, (it took me to Google when I saw that many people hc him communicating through BSL) but I like to think he does talk. It's just really selective, like a few words.

ꕥ The first time you heard his voice, you looked at him like "???". He looked at you confused at your reaction and he only realized it when you told him.

ꕥ Think that he'll try to learn sign language within your mother tongue you know, it's too cute not to think about.

ꕥ He gives off soft lover vibes, definitely far more on the gentle side compared to his comrades.

ꕥ Something in me tells me this man rambles but only and I mean only when he's already extremely comfortable around you, not used to using his voice much so expect a bit of stutter. Which by the way, he does this without knowing he's rambling and will profusely apologize with his tone of voice slowly getting more quiet. (This is your sign, comfort this man)

ꕥ Likes to crawl around and climb things for fun, another one of the reasons his call sign was formed. The first time Ghost genuinely screamed was when Roach was stuck on the side of the wall and Ghost saw him there. Kinda like when you see a roach climbing up a wall and it flies straight for you in your direction. (Happened to me by experience when I was taking a shower)

ꕥ He also likes crawling around, like this I mean. Hacker!Reader seeing this on the enemy's security camera while she tries to shut them off is just funny to me idk why.

ꕥ Chubby!Reader? Sign him the fuck up. You once sat down near him and he saw how you thought spread a bit and it was so close to his that he was just resisting the urge to touch. The voice in his head shamelessly thinking of what it would be like if you suffocated him with them.

ꕥ He loves peppering kisses, doesn't matter whether it's receiving or giving this man would straight up take your hands and use them to cup his face, his hands still being over yours and would with wait for you to kiss him or kiss you himself.

Nikolai Belinski

ꕥ (I have no clue how to write for nik but I'll try my best)

ꕥ We all know him and his jokes about his "wives" which by the way is not true and you know it.

ꕥ He's husband material however he is quite busy, not that he'd barely spend time with you but he is away a lot. There's an upside to this, he constantly calls you (Let's be real, he prefers calls over texts) just to check on how you're doing and he tells you when he's going to come home.

ꕥ Despite all his jokes, he'd never actually make fun of you. Sure he's sarcastic and talks to himself a lot but he'd never go as low as actually making an offensive joke to his lover.

ꕥ Speaking of joking, your laugh is music to this man's ears. Don't matter if you sound like a dying cat, he's still gonna make you laugh.

ꕥ Surprisingly really sweet, people are often surprised to see that man with a lover. He's very thoughtful in a sense that he's observant, sure he's quite absentminded when around you because that's the only space he's comfortable enough to do so but also because he likes listening to you.

ꕥ Does every safety measure in a helicopter possible if he knew you or Gaz would be in that helicopter, he also makes improvements to it and calls it Gaz-proofing because we all know how Garrick fell off a damn helicopter TWICE. (Idk how he does it, Gaz has some serious plot armor)

[cultofsappho]

Ive come to the realization that the reason theres a small but loud group of people who are showing nothing but hate for the rwrb movie is because they have completely unrealistic expectations. People are forgetting that this is a cheesy romantic comedy, thats supposed to look and feel like a cheesy romantic comedy. This isnt going to be moonlight or gods own country or some other critically acclaimed, oscar nomintaed queer film that makes straight people go "hmm maybe they do deserve rights and respect🤷‍♀️"

Its gonna be a cheesy adult romantic comedy, thats gonna be a bit camp and over the top and thats exactly why its so good. I dont want to think about every gay movie I watch. I want to watch it and see two queer people fall in love and thats it. Thats how deep it goes. Maybe a sprinkling of politcal commentary in between.

There is this issue thats become bigger and bigger every passing year, that people expect every bit of queer representation to be the best thing ever. There can not ever be anything cringey or different or silly, and if it is then they send endless hate towards it, and in an industry that already hates to show queer people on screen, its this viscious cycle of someone finally being greenlit to make queer media, the media gets endless hate for not being perfect, the studio cancels the queer media before giving it a chance because theyve just 'proven that it wont make money', suddenly everyone is saying 'why do they keep canceling queer media😢', cycle repeats.

Im so over it. Let gay people be slightly cringy or cheesy or campy. Let queer media exist without putting it on this huge pedestal. Just enjoy things! And if you dont, dont watch it! Move on, find something better to do.

Yes!!! Thank you so much anon for putting this feeling into words much better than I could have!

"I dont want to think about every gay movie I watch."

Thank you.

I want light-hearted rom coms about queer adults just being queer adults and havig fun. I want comedy adventures where the characters just happen to be gay. I want more horror where at the end the final girl kisses a girl and can't belive they lived but not because they're gay. (suprisingly several of these exist and I love it)

I don't always want to think about the plight and horrors of being queer today with every queer movie I watch.

Sometimes, yes of course, I want to be seen on that level.

(Nimona, which came this weekend is a perfect example of a queer movie where I felt very very seen but also had a good time and was an incredibly silly fantasy adventure movie. But, still had the queer expereince intertwined.)

I'm looking forward to a movie that will be 90% rom com, and 10% realism/heavyness. re: being outed is a real thing that happens to people. famous people.

Alex and Henry go through some heavy shit. There's seriously traumatizing stuff at the end of the book. They're both dealing with mental illnesses, complex families, and rock-or-a-hard-place situations. I want all of that honored.

And, at the same time, I'm expecting a straight-to-streaming, mid-budget, movie that had to pass through a LOT of straight hands and board meetings to get to us.

Not to say we should love and accept every queer movie that comes out automatically, they have been done wrong in the past. (example: I skipped call me by your name bc the age gap still makes me too uncomfortable to watch)

But we have to give queer movies a chance to fit the genre they were made for, the tone they are made to be, and give queer creators a chance to show they are us annd they know us. The director is Bi. He's spent so much time going on about how much he related to Alex that he needed to make this movie. It's his first directing role, and I'm giving him a chance.

[elysianymph]

🔥 anything about sirius because i am being a little hater towards some characterisations too

i've already talked your ears off about this on discord but i'm happy to talk to about it again bc i fucking HATE new sirius black with a burning passion. i hate him as much as i love my sirius black that marauderstok can pry from my cold dead hands bc i'm not letting him go. i don't know when it happened and why but marauders fans are particularly persistent on taking away any interesting traits sirius had and leaving behind a whimpering pathetic twink that cries when someone looks at him the wrong way. sirius has been scrubbed clean of any morally grey traits he might've had (he's not allowed to care for his family (unless it's regulus) or long for them bc they are bad, he's not allowed to have any prejudices even though he was literally raised with pureblood mentality and taught he was superior to everyone else from the day he was born, he's not allowed to be an asshole bc he's not like his family guys!! and when he is an asshole it's always used to victimize the character he's being an asshole to and sirius is painted as the villain with mommy issues that can only be fixed by getting dicked down apparently)

i cannot stress this enough: LET THIS MAN BE A COMPLEX CHARACTER!! and no, giving him mental illnesses that miraculously disappear when he gets together with remus and making him attempt to kill himself post prank because he feels bad is NOT making him complex! you're just weird. you're just romanticizing mental illnesses and i can't believe you don't see anything wrong with it. giving him bipolar to justify his actions is?? not??? representation??? it's offensive to people who actually have to deal with these issues in their day to day lives and yet here you are using something that will impact their life forever as a plot device for your uwu sadboy mlm fanfic.

and that's what new sirius boils down to. he's a plot device, an accessory to everyone else's story that's never given much depth other than "oh his mom used the cruciatus on him and now he's traumatized". no hate to jegulus but hate to specific jegulus fics that turn sirius into an overdramatic caricature of his former self for the sake of drama and angst.

also, some of these wolfstar shippers... wtf are you guys on?? idk when and why (that's a lie i do but i'm not gonna say it) remus became sirius black in a werewolf costume but here we are. oh sirius was cool and effortlessly smart and handsome and girls wanted him? well guess what? snatches all of those character traits and throws them onto remus they're his character traits now. ignore how it doesn't make any sense for the werewolf child who was isolated from the rest of the world to be a smooth talking alpha casanova who plays basketball actually. while we're at it, ignore how unrealistic it is for a boy who was raised in a family that believed they were superior to everyone else based on blood status, who was raised to be the perfect heir and checked off all the traits needed to be one to be insecure?? and unsure of himself?? and stupid??? and a loser??? i don't understand what the point of flipping the wolfstar dynamic was when you're left with a shallow copy of the original but ok. you do you ig.

to summarize, my sirius is cool and effortlessly smart and egotistical and a complete asshole who thinks he's the best thing ever. is it an act to cover up how damaged he thinks he is because of his family? possibly. but i also fully believe sirius thought he was a god amongst men and everyone should be glad to be in his presence. he talked down to other people because he considered himself smarter, he rolled his eyes when students asked stupid questions and made fun of them when they got an answer wrong. he's a teenage boy let him be a dick with no excuses.

(also i find it funny when people write about sirius getting into a fight with james or remus and crying because they said something mean. as if sirius wouldn't throw hands the moment someone started criticizing him. he's toxic and that's what makes him interesting. that's his purpose! characters exist to make stories interesting, to start drama, not to be your moral guide on how to act. stories become so much more fun once you let go of the need to make every character a good person. also liking a character doesn't equal liking them as a person. i love sirius but i would hate his guts irl)

[makeitastrength]

What are your top non-Chenford episodes/arcs/storylines? And what's your least favourite?

Oh god, whyyyyyy are these always so hard?

Actually, least favorite is easy: the arsonist storyline in season 4, which is unnecessarily gruesome and ends with an unrealistic escape.

But favorites? Oh gosh. I notice you didn't give me a number this time, though, so I'm just gonna go through in chronological order and list the ones that stand out.

1x08 Time of Death

Nolan is ordinarily not my favorite character, but I thought this storyline was really well done (ignoring the very end with a certain hookup I like to forget ever happened 🤮). As a viewer, you don't see it coming... and then BAM. It's like we experience the shock and numbness and everything else in the aftermath right along with him.

1x16 Greenlight

I will forever miss Captain Andersen, and this episode brings me to tears every single time.

2x07 Safety

I love the glimpse into Tim's life and backstory we get in this episode, plus we see the protective side of him coming out with AJ. It's nice to mix things up, too. We get the beginning of the Lucy x Harper relationship, we see Angela trying something different with the security job (and being a total badass)... it's a nice change of pace.

2x08 Clean Cut

I just really like Ellroy. He's hilarious, and he and Nell are adorable together!

2x11-12 DOD-Now and Then

I know this is technically a Chenford storyline, but it's truly a group effort to find Lucy. She has a lot of support through her recovery, and not just in 2x12. I appreciate that we get to see her work through her trauma and it's not just glossed over like so often happens.

3x10-14 Angela x Tim

Watching him support her every step of the way is just the sweetest thing ever, with a nice dose of humor thrown into the mix. I love their friendship so much!

4x15 Hit List

I will always have a soft spot for Grey, and I enjoy when he has bigger storylines. Seeing him break down in the hospital as he struggles to come to terms with taking a life is so heartbreaking. We get to see Tim step in for him as watch commander. And I love all the callbacks to Nolan's shooting in 1x08.

4x17 Coding

This one made my list of favorite cold opens the other day, but the truth is I actually like the entire hospital storyline. It tugs at your heartstrings in the saddest way... the dying wife and the young girl waiting for a transplant. And I almost find myself empathizing with the bad guy too, at times, which says a lot about the storytelling in this one.

5x19 A Hole in the World

This one made my list of favorite Chenford episodes, but really everyone is working the same storyline here so I'm including it on this list too. Honestly, this is a strong contender for my favorite episode of the entire show. Between the Chenford pieces and Celina finally getting some closure and forgiving her mom. Ugh. It's so good.

I also always like healing arcs in general, and this show is no exception. Watching Tim piece himself back together after Isabel and watching Harper get her life and her daughter back are arcs that stand out to me as well.

[conniemb]

The difference between "fanatics and gamers"

So basically I'm just gonna word vomit about this topic in regards to destiny because it's been on my mind a lot recently since I've came back to destiny and I've been watching a few vids on the whole discourse surrounding destiny and it's state as a game and feel like I've kinda come to a resolution in my mind about why a lot of this is happening and why some people feel differently about the game. PSA this post isn't supposed to be some big angry discussion trying to say people's concerns about the game is wrong or invalid I kinda jus wanna spew my thoughts out there but do feel free to comment your thoughts about it if you wanna discuss it!

So I start by differentiating between "fanatics" and "gamers" which probably seems like a cringey way to put it but it's the only kind of physical representation of both sides that I could think of. So fanatics are people I'd describe as being absorbed in every aspect of the game, lore, art comics, gameplay, characters etc the type of people who are out here writing fanfics and creating ocs where as gamers are people that are here solely for the game itself. They are playing a game for its mechanics and enjoyment and their involvement in the greater community doesn't span much further than that. They might be interested in the lore (obviously you'd have to enjoy the story to play the game in the first place) but they're not out here making their own content in regards to the game i.e reading/creating fanfics and ocs etc. Now after establishing what each side means from what I can tell the people most upset by the state of the game are the gamers while the ones defending the Devs and just having a good time within the game and it's universe are the fanatics.

So why are people mad?

Well both sides seem mad in the current situation of destiny. The gamers are upset that the contents running dry and the fanatics are getting upset about the gamers constant anger and bashing directed towards the game and the Devs. Like don't get me wrong I understand where people come from when they're annoyed about bugs, it makes the game harder to play and then there's the issue of content running dry and then the vaulting of older content (something that I find extremely upsetting). But I think the constant negative approach towards these issues isn't always healthy to the game, play wise and the actual players mental health wise. I recently watched Mr Fruits video on this talking about the video Datto made and I think the main message there is something that so many gamers need to keep in mind and it's that if your not having fun playing a game and you can't find anymore satisfaction from it play something else. If your playing a game for the content it's Devs are providing you and that content isn't as fulfilling and entertaining for you anymore then just play something else for a while. I think a lot of people have these really unrealistic expectations as to what the Devs can produce within the game and I think if you believe the Devs are seeing the discourse going on in the community and people voicing their issues with the game and are just deciding to sit back idly and do nothing about it then you're a fukin idiot. The people at Bungie are just that, people. People with limitations. There's probably an infinite amount of reasons as to why the issues that're there are there and these things will take a long ass time to fix. If they were easy to fix everyone and their nan would be making bestselling games. In terms of content running dry for people of course this is gonna happen. There's a limit on people's creativity and the amount of content a single group of people are able to produce. And with the amount of content already in the game it's gonna be extremely hard to make new content that's cohesive and makes sense in the greater universe of the game. So yeah it might've only taken you a couple tens of hours to complete the campaign content with your clan full of experienced players but that's not what it's there for in my opinion. The game isn't there to just be played it's there to be enjoyed fully and completely. This is content that the creators have poured months of their lives into thinking up and designing. If destiny was pumping out content at the rate some people seem to think it should come out the game would be a shit show. It would be riddled with plot holes, stuff that just doesn't make sense and would eventually fuck up the game even more gameplay wise. I'm sorry but I don't want this game to turn into some sci-fi Fortnite. I want the Devs to take their time making compelling content that's actually engaging.

Superiority of the fanatics

Please hear the sarcasm in that subtitle but the point of what I'm saying is the fanatics are the ones winning here and I think this is the fangroup that the games actually directed towards. Destiny is a storytellers game, that much is obvious from the games expansive lore and world building. Your given a platform to create your own character and create their story following the campaigns that the company themselves are providing which is something very reminiscent of ttrpgs like dnd or lancer. Obviously it's not got the same customisation as those games but the idea is there. The reason why a lot of fanatics aren't getting super upset about the "lack of content" in the game and it's bugs is because they understand that the content is fucking there but sometimes you gotta warp the content yourself a little to keep up that sense of enjoyment. People do this by writing fanfics, creating art, creating ocs etc. When Bungie aren't directly giving us content to play we are making our own content and sharing it with others because this is what destiny is for us it's not just a game it's a world we're experiencing and being a part of. And that's my point, destiny isn't a game for gameplay mechanics sake and if your playing it for that reason and getting upset then it should be obvious your playing the wrong game and maybe it's time to take a break and try something new. If your wanting a game that spoon feeds you content to keep you hooked then I don't think Destiny is the game for you it's never been that sort of game in my opinion. When I came back to destiny I was hyped to dive head first into lore books, video essays, blogs because I knew I had a lot to learn and create myself and that's what I expect from destiny and tbh it's what I'd think any newcomer to the game should expect. And in terms of bugs in the game obviously they're annoying but I feel like from having a greater respect for the Devs and the content they're making your in a mindset that makes it easier to digest that these things take time. For a company to be making all this content, world building, server mechanics, game mechanics and so much more it's gonna be rough to get to every single bug in the game. And tbh I've been playing the game again for almost a month now and I haven't actually experienced that many bugs in the game, no more than what I've seen in other games I've been playing but I want everyone to take that with a heavy pinch of salt because obviously everyone's experience within the game is different.

The issues of paywalls and vaulting content.

Now this. THIIIISS. I get it, I really do having to pay for seasonal content and constant dlcs is probably the most frustrating thing about modern gaming. But that's the thing it's not just a destiny issue this is a modern gaming worldwide issue. Fucking hell even Pokémon is drifting into the dlc hell hole and paywalls with many of their services. Like it's just apart of gaming now and it can be frustrating but it's something you kinda gotta accept and it's not something you're gonna really be able to avoid no matter what game you play that isn't an indie game. As for the vaulting of older content and the removal of game aspects as seasons progress this is probably the single most frustrating thing about the game right now for me especially as a returning player but I also see why destiny is doing it. The game is reaching a size which is becoming unmanageable and the removal of some content is a necessary evil to keep the game going in my opinion. And to Bungies credit they have announced they will be no longer vaulting dlc content going forwards since last year I believe. And look yeah you can't play the content anymore but it's still out there to enjoy in the form of lore and video essays and play through videos. It's not the same but it's something and I've been enjoying sifting through the content available to me. Again I feel this is where the difference in destiny fan comes in. Gamers aren't satisfied with just consuming content about the game which is a totally fair stance to have on the game but there's also a number of games out there that aren't doing this sort of stuff cus they dont have to and maybe those are the type of games that you should play.

The state of the game for new and returning players.

Now this is probably my biggest fukin gripe with the gamers side of the community because in my opinion the biggest thing that's damaging the experience for new and returning players isn't the games bugs, it isn't the games slow approach to releasing new content or the vaulting of content, it's the constant negativity being emitted by that side of the community in regards to the game and the Devs as well as their attitude towards people wanting to learn more about the game. When I decided I wanted to make a return to destiny I did what I'd say a lot of other people have done and taken to sites like Reddit to ask questions about the game so I'd have some idea of what to expect coming back in and the responses of got of people who are meant the be "fans" of the game were sickening. Id have to sift through maybe 15 responses telling me to delete the game, I'm an idiot for wanting to play it, the games at its worst state than ever, there's no point even trying, before I found even one post actually giving me the information I was asking for and giving me tips on how to get back into the game. The only thing that actually made me contemplate not getting back into destiny was the constant negativity being emitted by that side of the community during that time. Not the negative aspects of the game that're definitely there, it was just the sheer miserable energy I was receiving from these people. And that's the thing while yes the game really isn't at its best state for new or returning players there are still ways to make it work and I found those ways buried underneath all the bullshit negativity the others were spouting. This is what's hurting the games ratings in my opinion. The games not at its worst state it's ever been for new and returning players entirely because of what the Devs are doing, a huge chunk of that issue is the negativity coming from this side of the player base.

In conclusion.

If your not enjoying destiny at this moment in time then stop playing for a bit. Maybe consider that this game isn't for you. Voice your opinions and concerns in a respectful manner. And for new people wanting to get into destiny jump right in! If you wanna get the most out of the game then it's gonna take some effort ima he honest. It's gonna take more than just hopping on the game and playing. And if that's not your vibe then that's totally fair not every game is gonna be for every player. And take my advice if you do wanna learn more about the game and how to get into it please stay away from Reddit. Stick to Tumblr people are actually nice here and wanna educate you in a positive and reaffirming way that is healthy for the state of the game and it's community. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[basedkikuenjoyer]

We have Academy Episode 44 and I already want more. So we do resolve the stuff with Corazon, he's fine and after a couple of days to heal we get everyone together to debrief. (Can I see them? Yohohohoho) Seriously though, we do get an update on the Oni Middle Recon Team. Not too much though because they couldn't hear over Queen's Zoomin-Zoomin-Zoomin. Y'all should know by now I'm being serious when I say things like that. Sadly no Kiku, the mention Yamato not being there briefly, but it is very similar to the scene where we came back from Wano setting up there was stuff with Kiku we didn't see. Very short recap.

They saw a meeting with the Tobi Roppo assembled where Vergo shows up. Keeping up this trend of a jumbled New World Saga plotline. What I do find legitimately interesting is how we put the uniform game on display here. You can see Ulti very visibly in the very different Oni girls' uniform. Vergo also has a scene of switching them. Recall that was the fun little "read between the lines" thing with Kiku when this started. We had no way of knowing they were different yet, but she was wearing a New World Middle uniform which makes sense through context we cement in all this with Law/Cora. We've seen Izo a few times, people tend to live with their first family in this verse. Ergo, Kiku & Izo might still be like, at a dance school and it wouldn't be unrealistic for Kiku to be in a situation like Brook studying abroad at a music school. Working part-time as a model or something. There's one more thing here that makes me think of that even if she's not in this chapter directly:

I'm as incredulous as Luffy is to see Cora without his hat. So he can take it off...

This conversation is all about big brothers, weirdly enough it's Luffy who has the most faith in Doffy to do the right thing. But Cora goes off on a tangent during about how he's coming back to school and you can think of him as a 2.5 year student because does anyone actually care about the school part of this? That does actually play well with how Yamato described Oden & the Akazaya several chapters ago. That they were students in the past but delinquents who hopped between Oni/New World. All that to say we got our update on the Oni Recon team, it played back into making sense of our Marine side ventures, and just so happens to do it in a way that plays nice with our girl's cryptic shit in the background. All set up to come to a head with a promise Doffy will show up in time if Kaido attacks...

Well damn, that was fast. So we gonna get Monet in here or are we being exclusive with the big brothers theming? Her and Sugar finally getting to be together would be a treat. Check Dellinger's outfit, lil psycho Momiji Sohma over here. Baby 5 is one of my absolute favorite designs in this series. The headband and extra frills on her skirt. I assume the flames on Doffy's pants make him go faster.

Uh yeah...looks like this may be all coming to a head soon! Academy has really matured into telling a compelling narrative in its own right on top of making excellent use of a known cast in a different setting.

[ahxtchner]

drunk talk / aaron hotchner

word count: 2k

summary: when you go out with the girls, they always get you drinking. designated driver emily (with an abnormally high alcohol tolerance) can't handle all three drunk girls on her own. so what happens when she calls up bau unit chief aaron hotchner to come get you?

cw: alcohol, worried about consent, hurt feelings, slight angst, sharing a bed, aaron being constantly worried, jack don't exist sorry

a/n: reader is shorter than aaron, reader is in a short dress, reader is also comfortable with the length of the dress. this might be unrealistic for some.

it wasn't very often that you got to go out with the girls. so tonight you made sure that you would have a good time. unfortunately that good time also got you absolutely wasted.

you had been texting aaron all night, letting him know how things were going and that you all were safe. he knows that you will be though, there's no way that four fbi agents won't be. but he likes to hear that you were safe anyways, he does worry about you.

looking over to emily holding her phone up to her ear, you attempt to listen to what she's saying.

"hotch, can you come get y/n?" she begins. "yes we've all be drinking but-"

she lets out an exasperated sigh, aaron's voice sounds through the phone speaker.

"yes i- aaron listen to me, i know how you feel about each other." she whispers, just quiet enough so that you can't hear the conversation. "i see the way you all look at each other, so just get over here."

you look at her strangely before stumbling to sit beside her.

"who was that?" you ask, your words slurring together.

"hotch, he's coming to get you."

your eyes go wide as you look back to penelope and jj who are having a drunk conversation of their own.

"aaron? coming... here? oh i- he can't... see me like this emily."

her hand lands on your back in a comforting fashion. the chill of her cold hands send shivers down your bare back. the dress you're wearing isn't even really something you'd wear, penelope bought it for you to wear tonight.

it's green, just plain dark green. could be satin, silk maybe? sleeveless, low back, and pretty short. would be the perfect club outfit if it wasn't so cold. it isn't that you look bad, in fact you look pretty good. the issue is that you say everything you're thinking when you're drunk.

you watch as penelope stumbles into the bar chair making emily burst out into laughter, while jj drunkenly tries to help her up.

a small giggle escapes your mouth as you watch them struggle to keep composure. you signal to the bartender for another drink, clearly you're not drunk enough to not be nervous to see aaron.

the bartender pours you something that's mostly tequila, almost all of it is actually. it burns as it goes down your throat, but you can feel it kicking in almost immediately.

"how.... how are you drinking right now?" jj asks you as she struggles in her attempts to help balance penelope.

finishing off the drink, you jump up out of your seat towards them. "i don't know! probably because aaron is coming and i don't want to remember how embarrassing this is gonna be!" you shout before laughing so hard you let out a snort.

the three of you burst into a laughing fit as emily shakes her head at you all. having fun but not wanting to entertain this behavior she brings everyone outside to wait for aaron.

no sooner than about a minute later, he pulls up in his car and rolls the window down. "hey" he says, leaning towards the open window. "come on, get in."

you skip over to the car and get in the passengers seat, waving goodbye to the girls as he drives off.

"you look nice." he mentions, only glancing at you for a second to keep his eyes on the road. "new dress?"

"yesss! penny bought it for meee!" you exclaim with a big smile.

the wrinkles in your dress caused by the seatbelt are bothersome. you tug at the seatbelt in different places before moving to unbuckle yourself.

"hey, don't do that. be good and keep it on until we get home." he says, taking one hand off the wheel to stop your hands.

you nod slowly, putting your hands under your thighs to keep from fidgeting. small hums come from your mouth as you pull up to his apartment. as you move to get out of the car you hear him, very sternly, tell you to stop.

so instead you sit tight and watch as he comes around to open the door for you. "can you walk?" he asks, holding his hand out for you to take. you nod yes and he helps you balance to get out of the car.

he takes note of how clumsy your walk is and picks you up instead. with your arms around his neck and legs around his waist, you can feel your dress riding up as he walks with you. he moves his hand down to cover your butt when he's met with bare skin.

he almost pulls back but remains so he doesn't drop you. adjusting his grip on you, his fingers touch a thin piece of fabric. a thong. he lets out a sigh of relief as he steps into the elevator with you.

not that it's his business anyways but he feels better knowing that his hands aren't somewhere they shouldn't be.

"aaron?" you ask, your head resting in the crook of his neck. before you can let him know that you're hungry, a loud grumble sounds from your stomach.

"oh? sounds like someone is hungry."

he unlocks his front door to a pitch black room, the light he turns on hurts your eyes. you hide your face in his shoulder and whine as you feel your stomach grumble again. he sits you atop his kitchen counter as he rummages around for something you can eat.

“how about some fruit?” he asks, pulling out a bowl of mixed fruit from inside of the fridge. you nod eagerly and take the bowl from his hands, popping a strawberry in your mouth. the back of your heels hit the island cabinets as you swing your legs. 

this situation is strange for him, the relationship that you two have hasn’t yet developed into something sure and strong. all you all know is that you like each other and sometimes hang out. has anyone else noticed what emily has? i mean you haven’t even kissed yet... surely it’s not that obvious. all of these things rack his mind endlessly.

you watch as aaron seems lost in his thoughts, wondering what he’s thinking about. slowly, you put the bowl to the side and take hold of the hem on your dress. the itchiness of the tags start to go away as you pull it up and over your head. a big laugh comes from your mouth as he covers his eyes very quickly.

“so dramaaaatic.” you note, reaching your arms out to him. an upset cry leaves you when he doesn’t put his hands down.

“sweetheart, i can’t.” he sighs, moving out of the kitchen and towards his bedroom. “you’re drunk.”

tears well in your eyes as you shake your head. did you do something wrong? why did he walk away? you hop down to follow him, underestimating how steady you can move around. before you even get out of the kitchen, your balance falters and you hit the ground hard. 

the loud thump gets his attention as he runs back out of his room to you. the tears falling down your face worry him immensely, he didn’t mean to make you cry. 

it wasn't that he didn't want to be close to you but you're so pretty and... drunk. he doesn't know what you're like drunk. but he was wrong to leave you alone right now, you need him.

"please don't cry..." he says quietly, moving down to your level. "look at me... please."

you feel his hand pull your chin up gently towards him. he looks so upset, but you can't figure out what's wrong with him.

"are you- did i do something?" you ask, using the back of your hands to wipe the wetness from your face.

he shakes his head but he doesn't look any less sad.

"i'm sorry, i-"

you interrupt him with a hand over his mouth before he can get his point out.

"no... uh- no 'sorry's' okay?" you fumble, only moving your hand away again when he nods like he understands. "tell meeee what's wrong!"

a small smile seeps across his face, he places his hand upon your cheek and you lean into it.

"you're so smart even when you're drunk."

you grin widely from his praise, drunk but still coherent enough to know what he's saying. he wipes the residual tears from your face and places his hands on your hips to pick you up.

"wait no- talk first!" you whine, trying to wriggle out of his arms.

"hey. stop it." he warns, trying not to be too stern. "we'll talk about it in bed."

this satisfies you enough to stop trying to escape his grasp. he reaches for the blanket to pull back the covers with one hand and keep his hand supporting you with the other. you feel him let go gently once you make contact with the sheets.

it's almost like a sensory overload sitting on his bed, the sheets are soft but the comforter is way softer. he watches as you pull the blanket up to your face and snuggle into it.

"talk now?" you ask, reaching for his hand.

he sits down on the bed facing you, not letting go of your hand. hesitation makes him silent, he seems nervous to say what he wants to say.

"i don't know... what kind of drunk person you are." he begins. you look at him in confusion. "i know how we feel about- you know about.. us. i wasn't sure if you would make advances while drunk and i- i'm not sure if i could contain myself if you made these advances while you look so... pretty."

you nod slowly, trying to process everything he just said. unfortunately it's slightly hard to process while inebriated.

"write... write it dowwwn." you tell him, doing a frantic writing motion with your hand. "i can read tomorrow yes?"

he smiles and you and stands up, leaving a kiss on your forehead before heading for his dresser.

"put this on." he requests, tossing you one of his big tee shirts before he leaves the room.

time seems to pass quite slowly as he's gone and you make yourself comfortable in his bed. you pull his shirt on over your head and smooth it out, feels way better than what you had on.

the restless drunk in you begins to get up from the bed when he finally comes back in the room.

"so impatient." he chastises, but laughing lightly anyways.

he slides into the other side of the bed and turns the lamp off. the darkness of the room feels slightly eerie, making you inch closer to him for comfort.

"you're not scared of the dark are you?" he asks you, giving in to your proximity.

you shake your head no quickly, burying your face into his chest. he smells good... like vanilla. it's comforting almost, this must be a new cologne.

"you smell nice." you whisper into his shirt.

a small hum rises from his chest, the vibrations rumble against your hand.

"get some sleep sweetheart." he tells you, purposely not wording it as a question.

his hands snake his way around your back and your legs automatically interlock with each other's. part of you is very awfully sleepy but the other part of you wants to stay awake as long as possible to enjoy this moment.

sleep however overtakes you anyway and you fall asleep in his arms like two puzzle pieces. like it was just meant to be this way.

[chenfordspiral]

Invading your ask box!

I suck at coming up with questions and also I'm curious of everyone's answers, so in light of manifesting season 7, what are your hopes for when we hopefully get a full season 7?

Go as wild and unrealistic as you want!

Oh boy, this is tough 😂 but thank you so much for asking! I’ve missed being on tumblr and this was so nice to see in my inbox last night 🥰

Well, we might not know what the rest of season 6 will bring but if it doesn’t come up in any of the other six episodes, I’d love to have Lucy and Tim talk about officially moving in together and then actually doing so. I know they’re practically living together already, but I’d love for them to maybe get their own new place together? Get a whole new apartment/house that’s theirs. Honestly, just gimme all the cutesy domestic moments they can fit in because I’m a sucker for that - what else is new? But also, please let them keep working on properly communicating with one another even if it’s hard because no relationship can survive without good communication. 

And, you know, if they're feeling like it, I would also not say no to a proposal.

I WANNA KNOW BABY GIRL EVERS’ NAME FFS. Obviously I’m most invested in Chenford, but it’s driving me insane that we’re 4 eps in, and still don’t know her name. Speaking of kids, I’d love to see more of all the kids Lopez and Harper have. Get rid of some of the unnecessary Bailan domesticity crap and gimme any of the other couples instead. 

Speaking of Bailey.. I’m not a hater, also not exactly a fan, but can we get her in a storyline that doesn’t involve Nolan in some way? I think if she were to interact more with the other characters, we as the audience could potentially get more involved with her character. She’s basically tied to Nolan, and sometimes it feels like a disservice to everyone (including Jenna as an actress) to limit her interactions to basically just him and quick two-sentence exchanges thrown in every 20 eps like with Lucy in 6x04. 

I know it’ll never happen, but I would love to see Chenford babysitting either Jack and his baby sister or baby Leah because we know they’d just.. well, maybe not suck at it but they’d likely struggle and lose a kid or two lol and it’d just be so much fun to watch. 

I also gotta broach the sensitive topic.. I’ve been hoping for Lucy to do a long-term UC op practically since I started watching the show and even more so since Chenford became canon simply because I want to see how she would handle not being able to contact anyone she cares about. Give her a handler that’s not Tim, not Harper, not anyone she’s familiar with so she can experience what it would be like to be completely cut off from her life and the people she loves. Maybe I’m understanding her desire to be a deep cover UC officer and she’d flourish under those circumstances, but I think if she experienced an op without any of her friends (or her boyfriend) as her handler/back up, she’d have a better idea of what her life would really look like if she chose that path. She’s a people person, and I personally don’t think she’d like it as much as I think she wants to like it. (6x02 hinted at her not being as fine about it as she claims to be, and I hope we get to see more of the topic.) If not that, I’d also just like to see an op gone wrong. They’ve all been fairly straight forward without any kind of consequences even after her cover had been blown, and I’d be very interested in seeing something just not go as smoothly. Also, Lucy could do ANY job within the LAPD and absolutely kick ass. Where are all the departments wanting her on their team that the cop offering her that spot at UC school talked about?? Where?! WHERE?!?

I’m rambling now, great. Okay, I’m gonna stop here. I may have missed some obvious wishes here but for now these are some I could think of right off the bat.

Oh oh oh! Lucy’s called Tim babe before, can we get Tim calling Lucy by a pet name? Pretty pleaseeeee 🥺 and last but not least, give us Kojo back. And bring Genny.

Now I’m done. Thank you so much for thinking of me, Suz! ❤︎ This was so much fun!

[bluemauve]

You know what, you're right about it being your opinion, I'm sorry if I offended you. I was just having a bad day 😭 and when I decided to scroll through tomarry tag all I see is your posts dragging harry for no reason and somehow putting Voldemort in this high pedestal while just kicking at harry and that just made me sad— I feel like everyone is entitled to their opinion and that doesn't mean one is more right than the other. At the end of the day this is all fanon and there is not realistic canonical way for this to happen. So, I just wanted to point that out because I have seen you time and time say how one way is just unrealistic but so is your way? Everything in this fandom is unrealistic if we follow the actual canon? Realistically, V is an one dimensional character that fandom has given depth to. So you calling others V unrealistic is funny because they also created something they loved, maybe that's how they envisioned him? So I guess I just wanted to point that out. I hope you have a good day <3

oh, it's alright. i'm not putting voldemort "in a high pedestal," in fact, canon itself puts voldemort in a high pedestal. he is canonically one of the most feared/powerful wizards to have existed, people are afraid to say his name, dumbledore isn't keen on going against him etc.. i'm just expanding it towards tomarrymort, and since voldemort is already such an overwhelming, powerful character in canon, comparing harry to him may seem like i'm dragging harry, which.. i'm not.

"I have seen you time and time say how one way is just unrealistic but so is your way?" i am not saying only my way is realistic. i am saying my way is more realistic than some of the adaptations of him i have seen. you say everything is equally unrealistic when compared to canon and that is not true. there is a source material. if you say all adaptations are equally unrealistic, then there will be no need for a source material. some adaptations are more realistic than others, because they are developed with more traits taken directly from canon. for example:

"voldemort is a cold, unfeeling person, who is prone to negligence towards someone who is his s.o"

vs.

"voldemort is a romantic towards the person he loves"

both are headcanons. one is more realistic than the other. the first statement has plenty of evidence that can be taken from canon: (mass murderer, horcruxes are neglected because they can be easily found as they have been given to people who were untrustworthy, he is unkind to bella despite her loyalty etc.)

the second statement is also a headcanon, but it is less realistic than the first, simply due to the lack of canon evidence.

as much as you want to say voldemort is a one-dimensional character in canon, there is still a lot of info we have from the way he acts. it may seem one-dimensional, and that's because it is. he's just filled with pure evil. he's not gonna have a massive soft spot for someone he 'loves.' it's just like that. he's just like that. you can add to it, but you can't change it. you can't do a 180° turn from canon and expect it to turn out realistic. you can't say he waxes poetry to harry and act like everyone universally agrees with it when it is not at all hinted at in canon that he likes poetry.

yes, people can envision him differently from myself, but that doesn't mean that all depictions are objectively not ooc. some depictions are better than others when compared with canon. it's just how it is. (i'm not dragging anyone when i'm saying this, please understand that.)

hope you have a lovely day <3

[uchihakeimei]

The simp-ification of Kaisagi is my 13th reason, I'm not even gonna lie chief. Why, whyyy are most Kiis fics like that. Why is Isagi always the poor submissive uke who cries and begs, like, have you seen THEM?? Are y'all sure that any of them would be screaming and crying?? Let's be real, if Isagi saw Kaiser choking himself he would lend a helping hand 😭 God they're so amazing. And crazy. And sick. And batshit insane. I love them a normal amount, I swear-

And I love red-flag-Kaiser. Him being a total asshole, the master of gaslightining, of poor excuses and ghosting. The dude does NOT know how to handle a healthy relationship. He would go crazy if Isagi ever tried to ghost him for a whole day, though. Like, the nerve.

I'm absolutely living for the current Kaiser, crumbling and falling into desperation. I need to see him at his lowest, where not even Ness can help him up. I need to see Isagi step on him and rise. Yet I don't know how this will conciliate with my desire to see PXG win… My boy Rin needs to step on both of them and take his rightful crown. Ugh, I just love all of them. Can't both teams win?? Ego can change football rules, right??

(You brought up two ships that I absolutely despise too, NaruHina and SasuSaku. I barely consider them canon since it's just a poor attempt of catering to heteronormativity. To me they don't even exist. Yes, I do dislike Kainess, but not this much, at least it makes sense somehow. But Kishimoto straight up decided to pull these two ships out of his sorry ass lmfao) I sure would love to say that I miss Naruto, but then I end up remembering that shitty ending and the nostalgia fades… I do really miss its villains though!

Facts, sister.

I have never really understood the attraction in one person of a pairing being absolutely down bad for the other- like, is it really fun when it's so one sided?

In some fics, you can just see the author bias, like its so blatant- one partner is absolutely on their knees for the other.

(Although, I don't exactly mind if it's a pwp, iykwim, it's okay if that's Isagi's kink, no kinkshaming here ;p

Is it unrealistic? Possibly.

Is it kinda hot? Yes)

What really grinds my gears are the character driven fics in which none of them are actually in character.

I see this a lot in Victuuri fics too- some make Yuuri a total BAMF Badass and Victor's completely down bad for him- to the point that Victor's always the one apologising, no matter if Yuuri is in the wrong too.

Kaiser and his everything- character style, arc, personality- is so delicious, I just wanna gobble him up lol

If only everyone could win in a football match... (Ego make it happen please)

NaruHina and SasuSaku... I could rant about these two ships and the travesty that was the ending all day.

Hinata and Sakura and their obsession over those two was so pathetic. The fact that the boys were given to them as reward for persevering in their love makes me want to kill something. And everything after the war arc ended was a way rapidly drive off all the fans of the series.

Like, even if you somehow look past their shitty marriages of convenience and the sheer insult that was The Last, what the fuck was that Hokage Inauguration episode. The sheer anger I feel at the thought of that episode and the fact that people defend that bullshit is going to make me end up at the therapist. Naruto not getting to attend his own inauguration as Hokage was a garbage joke and nothing and no one will ever convince me otherwise.

Sasuke and Naruto deserved to end up together- and no, them being spirit brothers is a garbage reason to not ship them because it's not even fucking true. Transmigration and reincarnation are not synonyms, people.

Personally, I think Kishimoto also wanted them to end up together, but he wasn't allowed to do that. The official art is so couple-y, it's not even subtle. To say nothing of what he wrote in his own series.

Indeed KaiNess makes a hell of a lot more sense then SasuSaku and NaruHina. Atleast Kaiser and Ness are friends- toxic yes, but still friends.

[nikethestatue]

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I didn’t think hofas was that bad. I have seen people give the book straight up one star. I mean, I most certainly don’t think it was perfect. I found issues with the plot. And on top of that, I wanted the crossover to be about the acotar characters taking down the Asteri with the CC characters. I was never down for the biggest crossover in the world because it would have taken away from the crescent city chacraters.

People were disappointed because they wanted Aelin and Feyre, and they hated that Nesta was even in the book. That’s why I think people should have steered away from reading theories about the crossover, including the ones about Elain. SJM wasn’t obligated to make every single theory we read about Gywn or Elain come true. Now people are upset that their favorite characters didn’t make an appearance, despite SJM never saying Aelin or Feyre would be in it. People were mad that characters from different worlds weren’t baking each other pies and being nice. They didn’t even know each for crying out loud.

I don’t know, I think some readers are starting to become too entitled for me. People are allowed to not like a book. I never said they weren’t, but I think some people are becoming unrealistic about who and what should be in these books.

SO I think the unhappiness about the book stems from 2 things, primarily.

First, it was SJM who drummed up this Crossover like it was the Second Coming. The expectations were pretty high, not because the readers demanded it, but because it came from her. Also, when BB started publishing snippets, what was the first one--the bonus chapter with Nesta/Az/Bryce. So people expecting something much bigger, and going off SJM's own words about what she was gonna write about--from Nyx, to Feyre, to everyone being involved, to differences between the worlds, to toilet paper and other silliness, all of that came from her own interview. So I think having only 2 people from all of IC wandering the caves with Bryce is NOT the crossover that anyone expected.

Were we all wrong to expect Elain to show up for a few scenes? Or the FMC of ACOTAR, Feyre? Or Cassian? Why is it always Amren and Rhys? Where is the High Lady? Where is the Seer? What is the purpose of them?

The second issue is that so many CC plotlines were just dropped or forgotten or unaddressed. I think it's very frustrating for readers. If you are going to spend literally half of HOSAB trying to save this Alpha wolf or the dragon or with these oracles, and then all of it comes to naught essentially, the readers feel duped.

I think we all wanted a solid conclusion to the series. We've invested time and money in it, and I think people deserves better than to have this sloppy slop presented to them

I think it's fine to like the book, but I also think that needed to be some responsibility taken by SJM and BB (never gonna happen tho!)

[aguinhaac]

That's it, 10 episodes in, half of the season, and the dumpster fire just continues.

Well today I'll be reviewing the first two part episode of miraculous that isn't a season finale, today I'll be reviewing the tenth episode of miraculous season five transmission

We start the episode with Sabrine (Marinette’s mom) entering in the room telling her she’s gonna get late, which Marinette says that’s she’s not feeling good, man I just need to point this out Sabrine not accepting her daughter not going to school because she’s was not feeling good emotionally is super unrealistic yet cute, I think everyone else’s mom would just not give a shit and send them to school anyways.

Tikki: you can’t stay in your room forever

Marinette grumbles

Tikki: what will you do if an Akumatized villain shows up?

Wow, Tikki is an asshole, like I’m glad she’s acting in character but still an asshole, it’s been 5 seasons, I think by that time she would be less oblivious about human feelings, keep in mind that she was meant to be a "cute" and "caring" character and I personally think that making a loving character not give a shit about their friends emotions is not the smartest of ideas.

Marinette: just give my miraculous to however you want… they can’t be never be as bad as I was.

Marinette: anything never works out for me, Adrien? Never even started, Luka? Couldn’t work out, chat noir? Didn’t even get off the ground.

Ok I can understand she being upset about being rejected a lot of people suffer because of that, she’s a teen, I can see it happening, but. why is she saying she was a bad ladybug? I thought she was sad because of that chat noir bullshit not about losing the miraculous.

Actually, lets go with this explanation, because “loosing extremely powerful weapons to a sociopath that can kill people” is a much better reason to why she’s moaning in her room to “the boy I like rejected me even if I knew since the beginning the two superheroes of Paris dating was a bad idea so now, I don’t want to exist anymore”

Tikki: you’re over reacting Marinette

Marinette: really? Then how could I lose the miraculous I was trusted with all because of love, love only causes problems, I’ll never fall in love again! Love is weak!

Ugh, this, first of all no, love wasn’t what caused her too loose the miraculous, it was a series of specific events that the writers pulled together to make that bullshit of an ending, she didn’t lose the miraculous because of “oH iMmA gOnNa cAlL Adrien BeCaUsE ImMa iN lOvEeEeEeEeE” she did it because Felix didn’t had a risk mark in his neck and she don’t have enough braincells to just fuse with the dog herself,

and two: how did Marinette get to this conclusion? Even if she lost the miraculous because of love where the fuck did it came from? Like I would understand if she gave up on being in love because of rejection but the show makes it seem like she gave up because of Felix which is just bullshit.

Alya and Adrien then try to call her but she doesn’t answer, Ms. Bustier name that I had to search up on google to write. asks to Alya take Marinette her homework, man why can’t you just give it to her the next day? It seems a hell of a lot easier than going to her house just to give it to her, that just doesn’t make sens- ugh whatev the show just wants an excuse to make Adrien go to her house and I just want an excuse to be done with this and get some Doritos so who gives a fuck? I know I don’t give a fuck, and you shouldn't give a fuck either, so just let’s all don’t give a fuck together

Adrien then goes see her to hand in her homework and they talk about no one really understanding them, which I think is good drama idea for a super hero cartoon, I’m glad that they are going to use this drama and maybe do something good from it, finally the writers realized that the romance part already got old and people want to see something different-

Marinette: anyone will never love me, and either will I. Even if he were nice… sweet… generous and handsome… and brave… EVEN IF HE WERE YOU!

......

what’s up guys today I’m gonna be doing a suicide speedrun-

Marinette then almost reveal that she is an hypocritic asshol- I mean, that she’s Ladybub but Tikki and Plagg overturn the trash to distract them, that doesn’t work because if your trash falls that doesn’t mean that someone loses the ability to speak, but Marinette realizes that if she tells him the show will end so she just says she’s pathetic.

Writers, to make a character be sympathetic it's not enough just to make them sad. To make a character sympathetic you need to put them in relatable reasons, make them suffer through the journey, make them charismatic, and most important of all, make them grow up alongside the audience, MAKE THEM LOOK HUMAN! So, when the character is sad the audience care about them and want them to get better.

But the writers don’t do that, I think not even the biggest fans of miraculous got sad with this scene.

Adrien then confesses to Marinette but she rejects him and really that’s the funniest scene of the whole episode, I was DYING.

No man just, look at his face that’s hilarious.

The scene then cuts back to the school and the class is throwing a party for some stupid reason. Zoe having braincells unlike everyone else in the school asks what up with Marinette, but Alya just tell her that there’s nothing to worry because she sent Adrien there, keep in mind that Alya is supposed to be smart and someone who wants to be a journalist.

The scene then cuts again, Adrien asks if he will have another chance but she says no so he just leaves.

Gabriel then tries to Akumatize Adrien but he realizes that it was his son and gives up, showing that Gabriel do care about Adrie- who am I kidding? He tries to Akumatize him later in the episode.

The scene then cuts to Marinette’s room where Plagg call Tikki to talk.

Plagg: Sugarcube! Having to force them to choose between love and their mission is just awful, maybe master fu was wrong to choose them.

Tikki: no! they’re made for each other; love is what gives them their strength

Plagg: but the impossible part of that love is destroying them, and I know a thing or two about destruction

Tikki: sighs* what can we do?

Plagg: we must free them of that impossible choice, we must free them of us.

WHAT? ARE THE SHOW REALLY TRYING TO TELL US THAT IS BETTER TO LET THE SAFITY OF PARIS, ONE OF THE MOST POPULATED CITIES IN THE WORLD, IN THE HAND OF NOOBIES BECAUSE THOSE TWO ARE SAD THEY CAN’T BE TOGETHER? MONARCH HAS ALMOST ALL THE MIRACULOUS, HE IS A GOD, YOU WANNA LET TWO NOBIES DEFEAT A GOD? WHAT WERE THE WRITERS SMOKING WHEN THEY MADE THIS SCENE? Maybe I could accept Plagg saying this, yes, he is shown to be much more mature in other episodes, but characters in miraculous have the tendency to lose braincells out of thin air, Plagg likes Adrien and don’t wanna see him suffer if I push hard I can accept it. BUT TIKKI? PLAGG IS OFF CHARACTER BUT TIKKI? TIKKI IS A HARD WORK MANIAC WHO ALWAYS PRIORITIZE MARINETTE BEEING A GOOD SUPERHERO ABOVE TEENAGE DRAMA. (Prime queen, Volpina,Etc,) SHE CARES ABOUT MARI BUT THE SAFETY OF 2 MILLION PEOPLE IS MORE IMPORTANT. ORIGINAL TIKKI WOULD JUST TELL THIS PLAGG-WITHOUT-A-BRAIN VERSION TO FUCK OFF AND SHE WOULD GO EAT CROASSAINS.

Ugh, calm down.. because the bullshit isn’t over yet

We then have a little montage of the idiotic group saying that now they’re okay because Alya and Nino, the smartest beings of earth said that Adrien was going to fix Marinette, while the two idiots cry, so Zoe, the only character in this episode that has shown braincells tells them to at least check if everything was alright.

Alya: I guess Marinette and boys are truly a hopeless case

Talking shit about your best friend behind her back! Alya is a great friend amirite?

Gabriel then goes “talk” to his son but really, he just gives him an alliance and proceeds to try Akumatize him.

We then cut to a little clip.

Tikki: Marinette Dupain-Cheng, you have been an exemplary holder of the Miraculous of the Ladybug. You've always used the power of Creation for the greater good

Plagg: Adrien Agreste, you have been an exemplary holder of the Miraculous of the Black Cat. You've always used the power of Destruction for the greater good. I wish I could say the same thing about me

Tikki: the task you were performing so well has become too much of a burden, crushing you. Your mission is now over.

Adrien: but monarch-

Plagg: Someone will succeed you. You won't have to hide anything anymore from the ones you love. You can finally be yourself

Marinette: you don’t have to do this Tikki.

Tikki: This means you can finally be in love with Adrien

Plagg: This means… you can tell Marinette all your silly, sappy feelings.

Both take of their miraculous and give it to them

Marinette: we’ll see each other again, right Tikki?

Tikki: I’ll never forget you Marinette.

Plagg: you’ll never forget me Adrien

This scene needs some subway surfer’s footage.

it’s so boring “oh but it is a serious scene so is wouldn’t have jokes) I’m not asking to this be funny, I’m asking for this scene to make me feel something, I had to watch this scene in 0.5X to write the dialogues and I replayed the video to see if the scene was that boring, I’m watching lets game it out while writing this because I really can’t get interested. I think we are supposed to feel sad? But they choose to give up the miraculous and we all know they will become ladybug and chat noir in the next episode, and it’s not like they couldn’t make something better out of it, for example in “planetarian” the audience knows that Yumemi will die but the scene is so good that when she does die, we cry, that proves you don’t need to give the effect of surprise to make the audience feel things.

Also “you’ve always used the miraculous for greater good”

Marinette used her lucky charm just out of jealousy in “bubbler” used her hero persona just to humiliate a girl in “Volpina” used her powers to break into Adrien house in “chat blanc” and there’s so much more.

And Adrien? Said someone would never have a chance with ladybug because she was already taken in “Copycat” destroyed property without thinking twice in “Sentibubbler” and “Glaciator 2” stopped a fight just to flirt with Ladybub in “dark cupid” “Glaciator 2” etc.

The list just goes on, I’m not asking to make you characters flawless, I’M JUST ASKING TO NOT TREAT THEM LIKE THEY WERE SAINTS.

Also, I already said why the kwamis suggesting this is bullshit but, did the writers really not realized the problem this could cause?

Marinette and Adrien are bad heroes? yes, but at least Marinette get the job done, and Adrien has the cataclysm so that also helps, I guess? So, two nobodies fighting shitty moth just wouldn’t work, maybe this premise could work if it was done in season 3 or 4, there’s a miraculous au on Tumblr by @lunian which has the exact same promise, but its good!

The writers just forgot that two noobies fighting someone with the powers of a god just couldn’t work, I REALLY CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY WERE THINKING. IT MAKES THE KWAMIS LOOK DUMB, MARINETTE AND ADRIEN EVEN MORE SELFISH, GABRIEL BEEING DUMB ENOUGH TO LOSE FOR BEGGINERS EVEN WHEN HE IS A GOOD, I CAN’T UNDERSTAND,

IS IT TO MAKE MARINETTE AND ADRIEN GET TOGETHER WITHOUT REVEALING THEIR IDENTATIES? THERE WAS A BAZZILION WAYS TO DO THAT, AND NOT MAKE EVERYONE LOOK STUPID IN THE PROCESS.

Also, Adrien and Marinette don’t say a word when the kwamis, their little friends they knew for over a year were leaving forever.

Adrien had other reasons to be chat noir to just simp over Ladybub, from chat noir he gained freedom from his dad, he could be himself, and you can even tell “oh but Marinette helps hi- “no she didn’t, she just told him to talk to Gabriel, that’s all, he still has his face everywhere, he probably still does Chinese and piano lessons, God we don’t even know if he can hang out with his friends or not. the only thing that changed is that he doesn’t have to model anymore, that’s all.

And Marinette is a guardian, she made a big mistake losing the miraculous and she wants to fix it.

And can I just point out how out of character Plagg is in this scene? In the whole episode he looks like a different character but this one is special.

Man, I could understand Tikki saying to Marinette confess but Plagg? He aways thought that romance is dumb and tried to make Adrien move on and just be happy, but he realized that he couldn’t do it by himself so tried to make him move on to someone that was interested on him (Kagami) to see if she was able to help him. But now studently he just tells him to keep running after Marinette when she said she didn’t want to? What have they done to ma boi?

Do you see how the whole contempt of this episode is just bullshit?

Gabriel: Adrien’s sadness is even greater than before!

OH, SO NOW YOURE UPSEAT YOUR FRIEND YOU KNEW FOR OVER A YEAR IS LEAVING YOU?

Gabriel then proceeds to try Akumatize Adrien but he realizes that he didn’t gave homework to Marinette, so he takes his bag and leaves.

Gabriel: what’s happening? I can no lover feel the negative emotions!

FUCK YOU ADRIEN

Marinette also gets happi because she can now go back to stalk on Adrien even if she said that being in love with him just caused problems and made her act in the worst ways, oops the writers forgot

Also, can I point how creepy is Mari just hugging an Adrien picture? like what the heck? Well, you gotta do what you gotta do, for the rest of this two-part special you will be called Creepynette and Stalkerbug.

Because Gabriel couldn’t Akumatize Adrien he looks for someone else

Man, the guy doesn’t realize a portal by his side, look miraculous season 5 is bad? Yes. But it has a lot of representation for blind people, first it was Stalkerbug, now this guy, soooooo good job writers.

The scene then cuts to Adrien arriving at Creepynette’s house.

Adrien: I.. forgot to give you your homework.

Creepynette: uh, you know earlier I- I didn’t mean what I said, I was feeling down, I told you horrible things, because I just wanted to be alone.

Adrien: so.. when you said that you loved me that wasn’t true?

Creepynette: no of course I lo- I lovvvv A LOVVVVVV, I- GAHHHHHHh

Adrien: are you ok?

Creepynette: no no wait, I can do this

Creepynette: I lo-

Sorry, moving on

We then have half a minute of Creepynette trying to say I love you while Adrien proceeds to don’t have braincells.

Adrien then recovers his braincells and suggests to him asks some question and she just needs to raise her hands, right hand = yes / left hand = no

Adrien: do you ever loved me?

Creepynette raises her right hand

You also said you no longer love me, if that wasn’t true does that mean? Do you still love me?

Creepynette raise her left hand

Creepynette: no wait! I always confuse my left and right Hehe.

Same bruh, that’s actually funny this was one of the few moments I related to Creepynette

So now the writers decided to make Creepynette and Adrien an official couple, but like, wouldn’t be better to first give them some character development before they get in a relationship? Like chat noir aka Adrien was always possessive towards stalkerbug like in “copycat” and Adrien can’t talk to a female without Creepynette trying to send her to the moon, man she just a scene ago Creepynette was hanging Adrien’s pictures in her room, that alone shows how she is not ready for a romantic relationship and either is Adrien.

The scene then cuts to Creepynette’s stupid classmates trying to come up with a plan to get the two idiots together.

But Nora (Alya’s big sister) calls her.

Nora: Jesus, you never pick up the phone when I like, actually need your advice!

Alya: I couldn’t pick up I’m at school

Nora: yeah right, so you see, I had no choice but to deal with it myself

Alya: oh no Nora, I told you before, you gotta talk before you act

Nora: yeah, but I did talk, like I said stuff in front of cookie’s bros

Alya: Nora! Not talk like that.

Nora: and I think I might have put him in the spotlight in social media, and the thing is I think I might have upset Kouki.

Ugh, this is another thing I hate about season 4 and 5, they make the character dumber because “the plot demands so” this also happened in season 1,2 and 3 but in season 4 and 5 it happens much more often and it kinda Is not intentional CA (character assassination) because, since when was Nora like this? season two Nora was super protective big sister, who treats Alya like a baby, is ignorant as heck, a good fighter, and cares about her family.

And season 5 Nora is dumb as fuck, needs Alya’s help to take basic decisions, doesn’t know nothing about her boyfriend, AND YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE, BECAUSEIF A PERSON DIDN’T KNEW THAT HER BOYFRIEND WOULDN’T TAKE SHE MAKING A HUMILIANT MEME SHE DOSEN’T KNOW HIM!

Tikki that was watching the bullshit in a safe distance says that will pick Alya for her new holder.

Plagg thinks about taking Nino but he and Alya are dating so no.

And really why are the kwamis picking the new holders? Shouldn’t it be like, THE GUARIDIAN? In origins it was fu who choose the new holders why now the kwamis get to pick? And like, I understand Creepynette letting Tikki choose her new holder but PLAGG? He is immature, and inconsequential, he would take the first person he found, well it’s not like master fu didn’t do the same but YOU GOT MY POINT.

Well anyways Plagg picks Zoe

After almost 18 minutes the Akuma of the episode shows up and its Kikou

About the Desing, its nothing to much, its simple but its good I guess, I really don’t have much to say about it, 6/10 garnet glasses

And right after Kikou we have Zoe with the black cat or kitty noire.

First, why are her eyes yellow? Shouldn’t they be blue or green? Or even purple? Her main color. And it’s not like they put it to “look pretty” because that’s disgustingly bad, why do she have this ugly lipstick? Lime green is not a good color for anything I thought everyone knew that, and why are the ears so pointy? No take chat noir’s ears for example

Fluffy and cat looking, but kitty noire’s are so pointy, and why are a part of her arms and legs uncovered? I thought the heroes in mlb showed just their faces because they were trying to be stealth so why did they put it there? Vesperia doesn’t have it.

Why are her clothes so ugly? To begin she doesn’t look like a super hero, she looks like 20 old women going through an emo in the mall. That pants are just normal jeans and this little jacket thing looks ridiculous in her. Well, I’ll give kitty noire a 1.5/10 I liked the tail Desing

And for having a Desing worse than Pennybug’s you shall be named peasant bad looking ass excuse of a character omg why does she exist there was literally no point god dammit background character looking ass bland excuse of LGBT representation crown stealing noire.

or just shitty noire for short.

Shitty noire and Scarabella fight Kikou, a villain that would be much better if he stays in scene for more than 3 minutes and they win DeAkumatizing Kikou to Kouki, they really couldn’t come up with anything better huh?

We than have a little cliffhanger showing that Gabriel can easily track the new heroes and that’s where the episode ends.

Wow this episode was a mess, I am kinda used to miraculous characters studently loosing braincells but this episode did the task to overcome Volpina in characters being dumb, Creepynette is stupid, Adrien is stupid, Creepynette’s class are stupid, the kwamis are extra stupid, man I bet the writers choosing the plot was basically

the quote on quote “sad scenes” are stupid, not sad, and empty, we can’t relate to any character, and the new heroes are so bland and unnecessary, like why do they want to be heroes? Because the kwamis told them to, wow amazing. There’s nothing in the heroes, they don’t have objectives, dreams, drama, nothing, they are as bland as ladybug’s costume, and the heroes are unnecessary because there were so many better ways to do what this episode wanted to do (get the two idiots together) it’s like they put a list of ideas from Tumblr and just put it all together in the episode. “What if Stalkerbug and chat noir gave up their miraculous?” “What if Adrien finally confesses to Creepynette?” “What if there was a villain with almost all the miraculous powers?” this episode looks like a Wattpad fanfic and I have nothing more to say. I will give this episode a 3/10 at least is more interesting than illusion.

The part two will be coming on soon, because I have no care about my mental health-

Thanks for reading to the end, see you in the next post.

[westfall-castle]

What do you really think about Aelin? Personally,  I think she's really rude. I'm not staying this because she is written to be confident in herself.  But I believe it is arrogance. We as an audience are gaslit into believing that she's just strong and doesn't take crap. But so was Nehemia,  but the difference between Nehemia is that she isn't arrogant, but Aelin is.

Also there is the issue about her making "plans", that include no-one. I'm pretty sure that's not how you run things. It's pretty selfish to not tell anyone about your plans (like what happened to Aedion), and it's pretty selfish to be physically angry about someone who has a different of opinion than she did ( like Dorian talking about freeing manon in EOS).

Hahahaha, I’m sweating cold with this question because I have a feeling that when I answer, Aelin fans are gonna come for my head with torches and pikes. Still... ilysm for asking this, you're my crush, send you kisses and I agree with you on many levels.

My opinion: Its just too much to understand her anymore. It's like that movie, Split with James McAvoy. I heavily suspected dissociative identity disorder at some point 🤣. Aelin should be at least 45 to have lived all she has lived. It gives me the impression that SJM had to pick ONE main character for her fantasy books, either a girlboss pirate, a young assasin in a mens' world, a medieval courtier with a secret agenda, a gifted magician or a queen from a lost kingdom and she said "fuck it, i'll take them all". There would be no problem with this IF the character stayed consistent, if there were enough TIME but... SHES 19 IN THE FINAL BOOK. I mean...

Her personality traits just keep appearing left and right and us, as readers, don't get accountability for these new ways of behaving. She's feminine when it suits her but then bashes femininity in the next chapter. She's "one of the boys" but also a "girlboss". She's crazy and manic but also mighty and merciful. The only thing that remains constant might be her sense of humor. Her moral compass is a mess and there comes a point where she's truly unpredictable. It seems that she behaves according to what the plot needs in the moment.

For example; She's a girlboss feminist who is willing to teach Yrene how to defend herself and seems to have intentions of "empowering" women around her but then looks down on "soft" vulnerable women, rolling her eyes and mentally shaming and judging on multiple ocassions throughout the books and even saying things like (quoting one of her lines when she meets Philippa, her personal maid.) " Why send such a soft woman to serve her? She'd outpower her in a heartbeat". (And yes, Assassin’s Blade happened before TOG, is she evolving backwards?)

The books center so much in praising her through the point of view of multiple characters that we do not get enough introspection on her behalf. If anything we are swayed into a new tragedy/ battle/ moment of suffering where we only see her brooding over herself or past events as if making her suffer more and more somewhat was the way to revindicate her instead of her having a moment thinking to herself " well, I fucked up, things were not as I thought and I see it now".

Everyone owes her everything even if she was wrong sometimes and never accepted it. She has way too many life debts to call in the end and SHES ONLY 19. That’s why many readers felt in KoA that whenever Aelin and the plot hit a dead end, she just had to send a letter and 8 new powerful allies came claiming they owed her their lives. COME ON 😂 There’s a difference between writing fantasy and magically solving plots with unrealistic arguments.

I think what I hate most is the gaslighting of the narrative. as you mention. There are times where she's being arrogant, mean or condescending and instead of getting a REALISTIC and UNBIASED perspective we just get a Rowan POV chapter saying something like "It was not a plain woman but a queen standing before them" or "It was a queen's voice speaking" and then, as if it was not enough it follows another simping POV (usually Aedion) saying also " Wow, it was not his cousin speaking but a queen before them" like... NO STFU she's not right this time hahahah, and when exactly did she become so high and mighty.

Another example is how she fn ADORES to splurge on dresses on Assassin’s Blade but the moment she meets Kaltain and eavesdrop her conversation in the gardens Kaltain says that her own dress is ‘so old’ despite being practically new and Celaena’s reaction is ‘ugh, these air-headed women’ instead of maybe not pointing it out or even find it relatable. I know that this tells us more about Kaltain, so that we understand the type of person she is, but I still don’t like the harsh judgement Celaena seems to have about specific traits of her personality. Readers are gaslit into believing this change comes from her time in Endovier and now she’s so centered and appreciative and morally superior but THEEEEN in Crown of Midnight she LITERALLY DOES THE SAME, buying more clothes and jewels than she can wear, becoming suddenly a little bit cocky saying things like ‘ugh, these tacky clothes, I wouldn’t be caught dead in those’ . Come on girl, don’t be judgy when you’re the same.

I loved Celaena in Throne of Glass (BOOK 1) . Up until this point it was a tight character, I liked her personality, her internal monologue was funny and relatable. The events that had happened in her life were somehow believable (even if it’s a fantasy book) Her moral compass was clear for the reader and we had this concept of "rogue with certain moral values/ chaotic good" persona. When Aelin comes though... Idk anymore, It feels so inconsistent. She's just... everything, she has 8 different personalities at the same time, it's like she was an A03 fic and she had ALL THE TAGS, all the tropes. She gets away with the bad things she does too easily. In the end I was happy she was happy and never came to hate her but its just too much going on for one character.

[ozlices]

about kanna's route vs shin's route

maybe im just biased, but kanna's route has always felt... off to me. and not in the ways people usually talk about.

hear me out. idk if much of this will make sense, but. im throwing out Thoughts and Feelings, ok. (under a cut bc this winded up being v long. adhd infodumping abt a hyperfixation at its finest)

when it comes to people discussing kanna's route, and preferring shin's over it, they usually refer to kanna's route as "it feels too good to be true. it's too happy" and, like, it does have a very distinctly hopeful tone to it, but i wouldn't call shin's route hopeless in comparison.

obviously, much more drama and hardship happens in shin's route that is exclusive to his route. but, like... he isn't involved with them directly.

"oh but joe's ai being corrupted is his doing" ok, but... is that Actually, blatantly confirmed? no.

it is very suspicious to me that in chapter 2, it is shown that the game masters are willing to corrupt ai of deceased characters to fuck with the cast. they literally did it with mishima's ai, and shin went out of his way to ensure that ai was taken down.

i think his "final gift" in kanna's route was finalizing his decorruption of joe's ai, and that joe's ai was made by the game masters specifically to fuck with sara. because they are aware that joe is sara's anchor. quite literally. he anchors her in reality, and keeps her from leaning into her malicious side. that is why he was the sacrifice in the first chapter. he had to be sure to be the first one to die, so they could ensure sara could be skewed into her ""true self"".

it is very possible that they made joe's ai with the intent of manipulating sara. and, what better way to use that than to frame shin? something that comes with the added bonus of causing a rift within the group, because everyone would default to believing it was him who did it as revenge for kanna, or revenge for himself should he have been voted out.

he and sara already had tension between each other. nobody would've questioned it, nor would his defenses for himself have mattered.

he probably knew that all along. knew that plan all along, and in the route where kanna survives, i think he gave his "final gift" to sara on kanna's behalf. because he knew that kanna loved her. and he wanted to ensure she would be able to protect her in his stead at her full strength, with joe's legacy on her side.

meanwhile, in his own route, he has nothing to motivate him left. he has no reason to quell the tension he has with sara. he's not gonna do it for his own personal gain when he has so much self hatred. so, he doesn't. if he was the one who did it, i think he still would've gone back on it for kanna's legacy. but, if he wasn't the one who created it, he has nothing to atone for except knowing it existed and that's it.

as far as reko/alice's fate... he quite literally has absolutely nothing to do with their death at all. that is entirely a result of sara being successfully corrupted or swayed by successfully being forced to forget joe. shin didn't do that. he wasn't involved with it at all. nor was he present for any of it happening until it was all over.

that's not to say shin has never done anything wrong ever, because he has. but, i think trying to say shin's route is depressing or hopeless in comparison to kanna's when he isn't involved with the differences between them is... hm. hard to find the right word. but maybe those actions themselves just feel off to me.

so, then, all that being said, why does kanna's route feel off to me?

i've concluded, that given the tone of the game, the reason kanna's route feels off to me is that shin's route feels more realistic in this game's universe. and, in comparison, kanna's route doesn't necessarily feel unrealistic. it comes across as "...this is not how things are supposed to go/would go in this universe."

kanna's route comes across as a scenario the characters made up in their heads to cope. it is such a drastic tone shift from the rest of the game. and, it's not like everything is peachy in her route, either.

the dummy's fates are still the same, regardless of who you choose. it is only the humans who hang in the balance of your decision. isn't that weird? in a game where human lives being toyed with is the entire point, one person being chosen as the survivor in one chapter, can so starkly determine which other humans survive in the next?

it's suspicious to me.

and, it's even more odd given that shin directly has a connection with midori/sou, who is arguably the most vile enemy the group has faced thus far.

i highly doubt that with how openly midori has had a hand with so much of the game, that he would truly be satisfied with shin dying before at least getting to see him again. he's far too possessive to just be like "awe i woulda liked to kill him myself </3" and also not do everything in his power to make sure he can revenge him. or make the people who caused his death absolute hell.

but, when it comes to midori, not much changes in his personality between the routes. the only exclusive thing either route gets with his involvement is that only kanna's route gets the "shin was actually kanna's biological older brother" reveal because kanna finding out both of her older siblings that she looked up to died because of her is the closest midori can get to ruining her.

he doesn't really have to do anything like that with shin since he's already had his claws in him since shin was in high school. he knows exactly how to push him, and he does, but not in a way exclusive to him per se. the shin ai is a thing in both routes. that's probably the worst thing he does to shin that we actually see, and he does it to him whether he's there to see it or not.

i really wonder if kanna's route is going to be revealed as just another simulation. because there are so many things in it that felt so weird. i really felt like nobody was acting like themselves. including kanna.

her newfound confidence is sweet and all, but the kanna we see throughout the game would not have that shift that quickly. she was in absolute shambles over her sister. she and shin spent so much time together, i really cannot see her knowing he died for her to be spared and just... suddenly becoming shounen protag of the year, you know.

it feels off, and it feels like that's on purpose. and, with how your time to shine's happy routes always end with sara saying to delete it and restart it as many times as it takes... i wouldn't be surprised if that's foreshadowing for the main game's ending for kanna's route.

i think both routes will have a "true ending", but in vastly different reveals and ways. shin's connection to the person who literally brought everyone into the game is going to be important in his route, without a doubt.

kanna's route just feels like an opportunity to expose the full depths of the simulations, and just how deep they can get.

yeah. very scattered and rambly i am sorry for the HUGE post but. i had to get all this out. lmao.

[circlemidnight]

hey, so... do you (by any chance) know if the '"open ending/multiple endings" ship' is just about who ARCHIE decides to be with, or if it will included more couples as well? like, i could have never predicted JV would have an actual chance, and less that they'd have the same chance as the (arguably) main/long-lasting ships of the show!? it's nothing short of amazing. how powerful they are.

Ah, I think some of those rumors/leaks turned out to be false. I think it's better to just rely on the bts and statements made from people on the show. Rumors tend to snowball into unrealistic statements the more they are spread. Unless they are giving a specific detail of a scene then I wouldn't put much faith in them being true. And keep in mind the style of the season, it's been very simplistic, low stakes, with quick resolutions to things. I don't think they are setting up some big complex ending or a cliffhanger that's gonna enrage everyone. It's gonna be something bitter sweet, lighthearted but not crammed with possible what-ifs to every ship that came before. But I'm sure there will be many winks and nudges of nostalgia in the last episode. Right now if I could guess I would say it's probably just left unclear if Betty and Archie figure things out, but to me it seems like they are wrapping up Jeronica as an endgame pairing. There is a lot of mirroring of their first episodes this season together, she's helping him create Archie Comics, and they have written them more like a secondary romantic plot and not really this big will-they-won't-they dramatic conclusion to be reached in the final episode. They're also the only "random pairing" that actually got back together. From the bts, we know they are riding in the backseat of the jalopy together, which I doubt they would be doing if they have another breakup. also just my opinion but it makes a lot of sense to me that the two people hurt the most by the cheating would find happiness and move on together? If they are talking about changing the future, Veronica and Jughead never being hurt has a really big impact on the story. In comparison, the two who cheated are figuring themselves out and not committing to anything or anyone because they are still working on themselves. Plus, if the last episode is from Betty's POV it will likely focus on whether or not she finally gets with Archie this season, because her story is kind of meandering but rolls back to her feelings for him the same way that they showed hints that Veronica never got over Jughead. The multiple endings thing came from what Madchen said: No, we don’t get out of the 1950s. So I guess that is a big spoiler. I will say you do experience the characters in three different… dimensions, that you get to see a lot of closures that are outside of the 1950s. I can tease it that way. I think that’s safe enough. So, make of that what you will. I'd say it's either you get to see what would happen if they went back to their own time, their future in the next few decades if they stay in the 50s, or maybe the afterlife and some kind of cycle beginning again once they all die and time resets for them. The word closure implies that it's not really open ended though. It's possible if they go back to the future the ships reconfigure, but they choose to stay in the 50s, so does that count as canon? But like, I think in one dimension or another Jeronica is endgame. It's very close to the end of the season to be stirring them up with more drama again. At the very least I believe they will graduate as a couple, which is a win for me. It's been very out of the blue that we got so much content, but I'm glad they left it till the end so they have more of a chance of being happy together!

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 5

Episode 2: Whistlin' Susie

~The Man Cave~

Internet trends. Love 'em, hate 'em, they're all the rage. Challenges especially, people love those and as a general rule, the crazier they are, the more views they get, which is part of the problem. 

The more danger, the more discomfort, the higher the probability of death and people are all over the video like a rash, which is why every teenager in Swellview wanted in on the action. A chance for five minutes of fame just for doing something stupid, they were all doing them to see if they could get their video to go viral on Twitflash. That would lead to followers, fame, record deals, interviews and having the world at their feet, they just knew it.

Now, the Man Cave just so happened to have three teens of its own and like all kids their age, Henry, Charlotte and Jasper were partial to the odd cat video or meme. However, when it came to being the starring actors in these crazy challenges, two out of three took a step back. 

Charlotte, being the wisest shared (y/n)'s perspective on the matter; they were dumb, she didn't understand them and she had better things to do with her time. Henry, being not so wise but still quite responsible, preferred to do his job and kick back and relax when he wasn't out fighting crime--adding to his injuries just wasn't it for him. 

And then, there was Jasper. Dear, sweet yet...stupid Jasper. Being the most naive of the three and bored half the time, he jumped on any opportunity to try his hand at making it big, which was why he, (y/n) and Charlotte were currently waiting to start a "food challenge video" something or other. Seriously, they didn't understand what he was trying to achieve, they were just there to film it.

"Hey, what's up? It's Jasper, the friendly host!" The boy smiled into the camera as Charlotte recorded his "adventure" on her phone whilst (y/n) and Schwoz tested the voltage on several gadgets from around the Man Cave. Honestly, they had no idea why he was doing this now or why it had to be in his place of work because it wasn't like anyone would see it. That video was banned from ever being shared since it was a huge security risk, but Jasper kept going anyway.

"...here in the Man Cave and I'm about to take the five-second banana challenge!" He went on, making everyone roll their eyes at how stupid it was. Seriously, was this what amounted to fame these days? At least Ray and Henry didn't have to hear this drivel; they'd popped out on a small errand and said they'd be back later, which left (y/n) pining for her doofus and Jasper free to do whatever he wanted. When the cat is away, the mice will play--or shoot dumb videos.

"It cannot be done, Jasper," Schwoz mentioned in his goofy accent as he went to sit at the supercomputer. He was a man of science, he knew biology, chemistry, and physics as well as something called common sense, which most teenagers in Swellview seemed to lack, so he knew that the kid was gonna choke and die rather than go viral. 

"Anything is possible!"

"That's not true at all." Charlotte rejected the boy's protests, siding with Schwoz on this one because it was just one of those Jasper things; dumb, unrealistic and far-fetched. So, it was a good thing that the tubes dropped just before the kid could start ramming the fruit into his mouth. Ray and Henry would make him see sense, or at least, Ray would ban it. He hated food challenge videos, well, unless he was the one reaching for fame and glory.

"All right, one more time. Hey, what's up? It's Jasper and I'm about to take--" The second take was quickly cut short when a laser beam to the banana burnt the thing right out of Jasper's hand and everyone knew who fired it. Ray, duh, the moment his tube had lifted, he viewed the scene with disdain and knew how to end it there and then. There would be no such frivolous activities in his Man Cave, thank you.

"What did I say about food challenge videos in the Man Cave?" The handsome man asked as he and Henry walked over to the group, his sights set on his sweet girl, who he swore looked prettier than she did that morning if that was possible. It was that skirt, it suited her so well, and made her look so cute and innocent; he couldn't help but want to keep her snuggled against him--and it had only been an hour since they'd gone out.

"That only you can make them." Jasper pouted, feeling like all the fun had been extinguished. Damn, now he'd have to wait until Ray went out again and that could take ages, y'know, since he had separation problems from his future wife, especially when she wore the clothes he'd bought her when she dragged him to the mall. 

"That's right!" Ray snapped before turning to his sweet girl since that video had safely been shut down. No one was gonna steal his thunder, not under his roof. "Hey, baby. I missed you while I was gone..."

"Missed you too, doofus..." (y/n) smiled and pulled him into a short but sweet kiss as they reunited after a whole hour apart, far too long when he was looking so damn hot today, too hot for his own good. 

She'd worn the skirt in hopes of tempting him to return to what they'd started that morning at the crack of dawn and if her instincts were correct, it was working. His arms stayed around her waist for a few seconds as they enjoyed the reunion before someone, namely Henry, rudely coughed to break them apart. Spoilsport.

"Oh, and by the way, I noticed none of you commented on the food challenge video that I posted the other day," Ray said haughtily as they pulled away, although (y/n) didn't remove her arms from around his neck. Rather, she giggled into his chest at how moody he sounded over a ridiculous challenge and his hands clenched on her hips when her nose brushed against his neck. Or was it because he loved that video before it turned into a flop? The former, unquestionably.

"That's because it was dumb, sweetheart," she smiled, reaching to stroke at the tufts of hair that brushed against his nape as she recalled that video in particular. Yeah, dumb was one word, crap was another, but it certainly hadn't been Captain Man's finest moment...

~Flashback~

"Hey, what's up, guys? It's Captain Man, cooling in the Man Cave and I'm about to take the six-second sauerkraut challenge." Ray, all dressed up in his Captain Man uniform, declared to the camera, behind which Henry and (y/n) were holding their noses. 

Ray didn't even like sauerkraut, it was sour and fermented and just not his thing, but no. He was right and they were wrong, so he was gonna do this and get lots of likes and follows from his fans for how wacky and brave he was--or for how stupid he was.

"That smells disgusting." Henry gagged as Ray stirred his spoon through the cabbage and silently, he agreed. It did smell quite strong and he was starting to regret his life choices but the camera was now rolling, and he'd come this far. This was a national dish for many countries, thousands of people ate this stuff every day. How hard can it be?

"Yeah, doofus, are you sure you want to do this? It's fermented cabbage, you do know that right?" (y/n) asked tentatively, watching as her lover lifted an enormous mound of mush onto his spoon, far more than she'd wish to eat in one bite. Oh god, she didn't want to have to nurse a poorly tummy all night, why did people do this to themselves just for a few clicks?

"I'll be fine, sweet girl," Ray reassured her with his famous last words before glancing back up at the camera, "and go!" And he was off. 

Ray scooped several mouthfuls of sauerkraut into his mouth, shovelling in as much as he could since the challenge was all about defying was what humanly possibly. But that was the problem, his mouth could only hold so much and mouthfuls and mouthfuls meant a lot of cabbage filling his face, which was a problem when he felt a slight tickle in his nostrils.

"Oh, hwold on, hwold on...I gwotta schneeze!" Ray exclaimed, feeling the urge suddenly rear its head as his cheeks were puffed out from the unswallowed sauerkraut. Oh god, this wasn't gonna end well.

"No, don't sneeze!" Henry cried, knowing that his boss was a human sauerkraut cannon right now, primed and ready to fire the moment his snot rockets went off. And guess who was standing right in front of him, waiting to get hit? He, the unfortunate cameraman and (y/n) was by his side. She'd also recognised the danger and with lightning reflexes, she jumped to the side, not wishing to be...sauerkrauted.

"Hit the deck!" The woman shouted as her doofus ejected the contents of his mouth all over the camera with quite a bit landing on Henry too and the odd strand flicking onto her sweater. Ah, jeez, it was down his front, on the floor, on them, on Henry's phone, everywhere. Who had said this was a good idea?

~End of flashback~

"Remember, doofus?" (y/n) grinned at her fiancé, who certainly recalled how bad that day had been and why no one, only the most loyal of fans, had bothered to like, share and comment on his video. 

"That was nasty, dude. No one likes food challenge videos." Henry stated as the memories came flooding back--the terrible flashbacks of plucking pieces of slimy cabbage from his hair and helping (y/n) clean the floor.

"Yeah, you're right. Kids shouldn't watch any videos online. They should only watch TV." Ray replied, knowing deep down that his food challenge video had been a complete and utter failure, so it was probably best that kids stick to properly produced shows. That way, the drivel wouldn't confuse their minds into thinking acting daft on the internet was a good thing. And for once, everyone agreed with him.

"Yeah, for sure."

"That's true."

"Or read books. Books are good, especially the ones you can read online." (y/n) added and smiled up at her doofus as he looked down at her. She made an excellent point too; there's nothing wrong with supporting authors and expanding your literary knowledge by spending an hour or all day reading a book. Y'know, leave a comment, share it, tell a friend, it all makes everyone's day a bit better. Wink-wink.

"All right, what's on the schedule today? Any bad people need punching? Any good people need saving?" Henry moved on as he left Ray to slowly eat (y/n)'s face and went to sit on the edge of the computer's console. There had to be some work to do, after all, the police in this town did nothing and it was always the job of Captain man and Co to come to the rescue, so he expected to have a busy day at work. But Charlotte had other news...

"Uhhhh, not really." She shrugged after scrolling down the list of things they had yet to do, which ranged from your average misdemeanour to situations where it was go-go-go, time to kick some ass! But there was nothing like that, just a few minor events going down that weren't worth the heroes' time of day. And that could only mean one thing.

"Wait, are you saying we have nothing to do? No citizens to save? No criminals to lock up? Sweet..." (y/n) grinned after pulling her lips away from her doofus after hearing the great news. Jeez, it felt like ages since they'd had an afternoon off, normally there was some calamity that meant they all had to rush off to wherever the disaster was going down. Had there ever been a Saturday where they were all together with no responsibilities?

"Then, that can only mean one thing," Ray said huskily, glancing down to see the excited grin growing on his sweet girl's face because it had been so damn long since they could hang out like normal friends or a normal family, "Movie day!"

"Yeah! Movie day!" And the effect was instantaneous. The group began cheering and shouting and leaping into the air with joy because holy shit, they had a day off! They could eat candy, lay around, watch crappy movies and just relax because for the first time in forever, they weren't needed by anyone. 

Jasper threw stuff. Charlotte skidded across the floor on her knees. Ray and (y/n) shared a passionate, thrill of the moment kiss. Henry then started dancing with the man. And Schwoz went to get the TV, this day was shaping up to be awesome; great friends, great snacks, great viewing and not an ounce of work to be seen. Well, until Charlotte spotted something peculiar hiding in the corner of the Man Cave. 

"Uh, hey-hey, guys. Hey-hey-hey!" She yelled above the noise they were making as Schwoz wheeled in one of those blocky, classic TVs that seem to make movies even better. The boys and (y/n) turned to see what she was talking about and it was weird because, for such a large thing, no one had noticed it. "There's a---anyone know what this big box is?"

"No, never seen it before. Lemme look." (y/n) mumbled and strolled over to the wooden crate, which Ray wasn't very happy about since it meant she pulled away from his body and dropped his hand. It was a strange thing, to say the least. The box was plain with nothing much about it, just a piece of paper, the shipping label and a peculiar logo printed on the side, so there weren't any clues as to how it got into the Man Cave or where it came from since there was no return address. Huh, and right under her nose...

"Uhhh, don't ask about that and don't look at it, (y/n/n). It's probably got work inside." Henry warned the woman as she came to stand beside Charlotte and trailed her fingers down the splintering wood. Whatever it was, wherever it came from, it looked like a problem, which didn't fit in with the aesthetic of their day off. So, couldn't they just let it be for the time being?

"Yeah, but there's a note from the vice mayor that says, please open this box right away," Charlotte argued, gesturing to the sheet stapled to the wood that had City Hall's crest printed in the corner. 

Ah yes, Vice Mayor Willard, that aggravating politician who always called Miss Danger "ma'am" because he always forgot that she existed as if she hadn't been Captain Man's second sidekick for over two years or something. Trust him to ruin their perfect day.

"Ah, that could mean anything! Come on, sweet girl, come back over here...I'll give you a kiss..." Ray fluttered his eyelashes and stuck out a pouty bottom lip to try and coax his precious girl back to his side so they could carry on with the no work thing but (y/n) just had a funny feeling. Her tummy was talking to her and everyone knew what that meant--this box had something to hide...in more ways than one.

"As tempting as that sounds, doofus, I think we should just open it up and see what's inside." (y/n) replied and ignored his attempts to win her over by luring her heart. It had been working too, a kiss was something she'd never turn down after dreaming about it for so many years but come on, her tummy. It was telling her to have a quick peep inside just to see if something was wrong.

"Oh, come on, (y/n)! Charlotte!" Jasper shouted as the other boys groaned. Here came the work. With the help of Charlotte, they rocked and pulled at the box's sides, trying to prise the wood from the nails holding it together, which wasn't easy but they had determination. And all the while, the boys were praying for a miracle.

"Please, be popcorn...Please, be popcorn...Please, be popcorn..."

"Please, be popcorn...Please, be popcorn...Please, be popcorn..."

"Please, be popcorn...Please, be popcorn...Please, be popcorn..."

"Please, be popcorn...Please, be popcorn...Please, be popcorn..." They chanted as the box's lid loosened and finally gave way, causing the sides to fall and splay out. Well, it wasn't popcorn, that was for sure. It was...it was a goddamn bomb. 

"Huh. Well, I was not expecting that." (y/n) looked at the thing with a perplexed yet curious expression because there was a bomb in front of her. 

Now, most people would run for the hills and take cover in a fallout shelter or something, which is what she expected the others to do when they found out what it was but she knew better. It wasn't one of those bombs you'd see in Mission Impossible or Men in Black, no countdown or beep-beep-beep was telling them to run. It was really old, ancient even, and from the looks of things, she guessed that it would need an impact or an intervening event to make it blow. Kind of like a knife compared to a chainsaw but from an engineer's point of view; still bad but not the worst scenario.

"Definitely not popcorn," Charlotte told the boys and they all deflated with disappointment. Did they really think there'd be a sweet or salty, fluffy snack in there? Come on...

"What is it?" Jasper asked as he looked the thing up and down. Oh, (y/n) wouldn't tell them, that would spoil the fun, no, she'd let someone else do that and for now, she was happy to examine it herself just to make sure it was safe, and to hear their wild theories.

"I'll tell you what it is. It's a big, steaming pile of work!" Ray snapped. Of course, he wasn't a mechanic either so he couldn't get technical but he knew a problem when he saw one and there was a massive predicament taking up space in his Man Cave. All he wanted to do was sit on the couch, turn on a good movie, grab a cold drink and get all snuggly with his sweet girl. Was that too much to ask?

Apparently, yes. Rolling her eyes, Charlotte ignored her boss and picked up the small, cheap PearPad that had been inside the box too. No doubt it was just a burner to show them a message because lord knows that sending an email or a simple letter was so much harder than buying a device to give instructions. Stupid mayor, stupid city officials. Anyway...

"Hello, Captain Man, Kid Danger...uh, ma'am." The mayor's message started predictably and (y/n) found herself rolling her eyes too at how he'd only just managed to remember that she was a superhero too. Seriously, Captain Man, Kid Danger, Miss Danger, was it so hard? And his attempt at passing off his blunder as respect was pathetic too. 

"Hate to drop a bomb on you like this but the crate that you just opened contains a bomb!" The mayor carried on and the moment he said the B-word, everything descended into chaos. Charlotte scrambled away from the explosive with terror in her eyes and even these rough, tough boys gulped and took a step back. They couldn't believe how calm Schwoz and (y/n) were being, they just stood next to it with uncaring expressions. God, Ray wanted to pull her back and cradle her to his chest so he could shield her from the danger.

"Her name's Whistlin' Susie and she's a World War Two atomic weapon." Yeah, atomic just made it worse. Think of an explosion that melts your face off or y'know, leaves you with a tan that'll slowly kill you. Jasper and Charlotte didn't need telling twice; the boy dived onto the couch, hoping that the curved, padded cushions had radiation shielding or something whilst the girl hid behind it. Oh yeah, that would save them.

"She showed up in the basement of City Hall last week. Now, I'm the vice mayor, not the roll the dice mayor. So, I don't wanna take any chances with this thing, that's why I sent it to the Man Cave. I think it's probably safe there. And now, I'm done thinking about this." Probably being the keyword in that utterance. The vice mayor's face disappeared from the screen and Schwoz discarded the thing as everyone else stayed well back.

Well, it was lovely that he thought they could handle it but seriously?! A bomb? Oh no, it's not like the city had a bomb squad or scientists that could've handled it, it had to be sent to Captain Man and his team, they could be blown up instead. Speaking of being blown up, Ray, Jasper, Henry and Charlotte gawped in horror as (y/n) and Schwoz did the opposite. The pair took a step forward and curiously started poking and prodding the bomb like it wasn't a deadly explosive.

"Hey, Schwoz, (y/n), what are you doing?! Get away from that!" Henry gasped as they got closer, a little too close for him and Ray. Speaking of the man, he was bricking it, his breath hitched at how his sweet girl, the love of his life, the one who carried his heart, was kicking and running her hands over it like it wasn't extremely dangerous. 

"Sw--sweet girl, get back here! It's dangerous!" Ray cried and reached out to take her into his arms. Did she not realise that she was toying with his love and therefore his sanity? If something happened to her, super-regeneration be damned, he'd...he'd not be able to go on. She was so precious to him, losing her was incomprehensible, and yet she was playing with death so casually. Huh?

"Relax, it's not that dangerous." Schwoz scoffed with (y/n), who gave them a teasing smile as she wrapped an arm around the bomb like it was an old friend. And just to prove their point, Schwoz gave it some soft kicks for good measure, showing that they could do what they like with it and it wouldn't go off. Something complicated that they wouldn't go on about but they wouldn't be near it if it wasn't safe.

"Guys, atomic bombs don't just explode by themselves. You have to activate them first." (y/n) explained, gesturing to the thing, complete with its rusty casing and painted-on whistling woman, which just emphasised its age and simplicity. She'd seen a more complicated toaster, honestly, this thing wasn't that dangerous as long as it didn't start ticking.

"So, as long as we don't start the timing sequence, this thing is basically one big rock. Look!" She giggled and whacked the bomb with Schwoz, enjoying how empty it was inside and how thrilling it was to smack something that could incinerate everything in a fifty-mile radius. Living life on the edge was exciting. "Not active! Totally safe!"

And cautiously, the others heeded her words, creeping closer and closer until Henry was within touching distance. As (y/n) and Schwoz watched with amused smirks, the kid rapped his knuckles against the metal casing, just to test if it wasn't as dangerous as it seemed. His jumpy friends recoiled just in case it was gonna blow but when the bomb did nothing, Henry giggled. Yeah, he was starting to understand the thrill too. 

"Ha, it's actually kind of fun...smacking a bomb." He smiled at the others, who relaxed when they saw how he wasn't dead or fried or incinerated, he was just standing there, all amused from playing with a weapon of mass destruction. Perhaps it wasn't as dangerous as they had first thought, perhaps if they slapped it, things would be okay...

"Lemme try, lemme try, lemme try." Jasper stuttered and pushed his best friend out of the way so he could tap the top of the bomb like it was a drum. And to his surprise and entertainment, all he could feel was the hollow cavity inside that stored all of that nuclear detonator stuff. 

Oh yeah, he could get used to that and slowly but surely, everyone else started to join in, whacking the bomb. It probably wasn't the best idea to poke the proverbial bear as it were, and Ray was still quite unsure but when his sweet girl turned around to give him a gleaming smile, he just couldn't help it. He wanted in.

And so, they beat that bomb with happy grins on their faces, which would probably look quite moronic to anyone watching but for them, it was five seconds of fun knowing that the mayor had sent Susie to them believing that she was gonna kill the entire city when really, you could do whatever you want with her. That timing sequence wasn't gonna start. Well, that was fun while it lasted...

"Movie day!" Ray cheered once the slapping had finished and they all joyfully rushed to the couch, leaving Susie where she stood. Just because Willard had said that it was now their problem didn't mean they had to work. The bomb could sit there for a few hours whilst they relaxed instead, why should their fun have to be spoiled? After all, it's not like Susie was gonna blow...

~Half an hour later~

Oh, yeah, this was nice. This was good. This was heaven. A random movie on the rock of a TV Schwoz had brought in, a comfy couch, the odd snack and just some quality time hanging out together with no worries. That's what a movie day was about.

On one side of the couch, there was Henry; he was in charge of changing the film, altering the volume, that kind of thing. Then, there was Charlotte next to him, and Jasper next to her, nibbling away at a chocolate mold of someone's head, which was an odd choice of snack but still, he seemed to like it. 

Wedged next to him was Schwoz, who just to mildly irritate everyone had a dish of chips and salsa, which he just had to dip with chopsticks--yeah, they had no idea why, they didn't question it either. And then, the lovey-dovey couple, who would argue that they were the most comfortable out of all of them.

Ray was free to spread out along the left curve of the couch with Susie tucked under one arm because why the hell not? She wasn't hurting anybody and it was kinda thrilling to have irradiating material just chilling next to you. Plus, it made a great bottle opener. 

Anyway, the real comfort came on his other side, where (y/n) and her bowl of ice cream were snuggling up to him, one leg over his, her cheek pressed against his pec and his arm curled around her waist to pull her even closer. 

Oh, the others could tease them all they liked but nothing could beat this, not when they could sneak kisses during the distracting action scenes and share spoonfuls of creamy, strawberry goodness. Maybe Ray's huge body took up one-quarter of the couch and left them all huddled up, elbow-to-elbow, but no one would complain. Not when those two looked so happy and carefree.

"But Shake-Up, our catcher's still lost at sea. Now, we'll have to forfeit the game!" (y/n) couldn't care less what was being said in the movie since it wasn't a romcom and therefore wasn't her genre but that was okay, she had a much better distraction. She giggled into Ray's shirt as his arm came over her head to crack the bottle top off of his soda, using Susie, of course. Oh, he looked so damn handsome from this angle, his jaw could slice anything and his hair had those little floppy bits poking out that never seemed to stay gelled back. How was it possible for one man to be so perfect?

"Precious girl..." Ray muttered almost silently as she stretched her neck to meet his lips after he took a swig of soda because it wasn't fair that the glass bottle could have that luxury and not her. The spoon laden with ice cream would have to wait, the entire world would have to; his lips were moving against hers so slowly, so perfectly, everything else faded and became blurry.

And that included the oncoming cataclysm. It was like the domino effect of a disaster, one bad thing after another until it peaked with the worst catastrophe of all. First, Henry sneezed, y'know, the most natural thing in the world, but he didn't cover his mouth and nose like a nice, normal person. 

No, he snotted all over Charlotte, who understandably recoiled and flailed her elbows, which meant she accidentally nudged Jasper. Then, Jasper lost his grip on his chocolate head, which then landed in Schwoz's salsa. And to top it all off, the salsa then splattered all over (y/n), some of it going into her eye and burning for a brief second as her super-healing body blinked it away. 

It didn't sound like a problem but it was; upon feeling the searing pain of the spicy dip on sensitive skin, her arms went up to protect her face...and one of her hands just so happened to be holding a spoon...with ice cream...lots of it.

Predictably, the peace was shattered as a massive ice cream glob landed on Ray's cheek, the chilliness of the dessert spooking him into sloshing his soda all over the place and that included all over Susie. Oh god, old circuits don't mix well with liquid and the old bomb was no exception, so without their knowledge, shit started sparking and smoking as they focused on their small, inconsequential problems.

"Ah, my face! Sweet girl! You--you flicked ice cream on my face!" Ray yelped and wiped the stickiness from his cheek as they pulled apart, the kiss suddenly over all too soon. No more cuddling for them, not when he was giving her an incredulous, almost offended look like he'd been attacked by his most trusted ally. What gives? They were two minutes away from descending into a makeout session...

"It's not my fault! Schwoz splashed sauce in my eye!" (y/n) replied in a whiny voice, not liking how he was pinning the blame on her.

"That's because Jasper's chocolate head landed in my salsa!" Schwoz retorted, passing the blame along the row. Everything had been going fine on their end until the boy ruined his food; he'd been eating his chips, (y/n) had been eating her ice cream and Ray's face, it was just another typical movie day.

"That's 'cause Charlotte bumped into me!" Jasper complained too, making everyone look at the girl, who also felt like none of this was her fault. Any normal person would be disgusted at being sneezed on, it was only because of that disgust that any of this had happened. So, in her mind, it was technically Henry's fault. "That's 'cause Henry sneezed on me!"

"Shhhh! Listen!" The boy's reaction was unusual and unprecedented because he didn't seem bothered by the accusation. Instead, he seemed to be focused on something else, something that they couldn't hear over the sound of the baseball charge music from the movie. So, he turned the whole thing off, which annoyed them all for a brief second before they heard it too. Oh, shit. 

It wasn't much, it was barely a tick-click-tick-click thrumming through the air, but it was enough and it was obvious where the noise was coming from. It was Susie.

"Oh, sweet cheese..." (y/n) breathed out as they all gulped and looked at the bomb, which in the time they had been arguing had started counting down, getting closer and closer to zero when all of their lives would be over. Were those lights flashing before? No, they weren't, this was bad, this was very very bad, she knew it, Schwoz knew it, and the others were getting the message from how the clever ones had put down their snacks and were looking quite queasy.

"Schwoz?"

"Where're you going, dude?" Ray and Henry, everyone, looked at the genius with livid expressions as he crept away slowly and left them all on the couch. It wasn't that he was a coward, it was just that...he was a coward. Come on, it was his coconut instinct--that thing was gonna blow, he wanted to run, it was only because she refused to leave her doofus and friends that (y/n) wasn't doing the same. Honestly, there's a fine line between bravery and stupidity.

"Okay, uh, remember when (y/n) and I said Whistlin' Susie can't explode unless she's active?" Schwoz asked tentatively because he didn't want to worry them but there was still a live bomb one metre in front of him. It was impossible not to be nervous, especially after acting so chill earlier on. 

"Yeah..." All of the non-science ones mumbled, having that memory clear in their minds. It was the only reason why they trusted the bomb, the only reason why they'd allowed Ray to bring it over to sit with them and the only reason why they'd propped it up against the couch. They, the smart ones who knew about all this nuclear physics and chemistry, engineering stuff, had assured them it was safe. It was safe, right?

"Yeah, well, now she's active!" (y/n) whimpered, looking at the bomb, the one her doofus had his hand on, with terror in her eyes.

Screaming in horror, Henry, Jasper, Charlotte and Ray scrambled to get as far away from that thing as they could, the latter grabbing his sweet girl's hand and dragging her to safety. Sure, he'd survive but his family wouldn't--could her super-regeneration overcome a nuclear blast? It was a bit more heavy-duty than a gunshot or stab wound. 

They cleared the couch in a matter of seconds, with the only hiccup being that Ray very nearly tipped the thing over. Dear lord, they couldn't let it fall over, for all they knew the impact might make the timer hit zero prematurely and then it would be all over. 

No, for now, they were cowering on the floor, huddling together with Ray cradling his sweet girl to his chest like he had done that time when Schwoz gave them all a deadly disease. He couldn't let her get hurt, he just couldn't, he'd vowed to keep her safe. So, what were they gonna do?

~

Okay, panic. That was step one. It had taken them all a while to calm down after hearing the terrible, dreadful, fucking horrific news that the bomb was minutes, hours or days away from exploding, but like most shitstorms, there was calm afterwards.

(y/n) had made a very good point; if they were gonna die, then they'd go out fighting to...not die. There was something they could do, there had to be, they couldn't just sit around and wait to die, not when they had two very experienced engineers in the room whose steady hands could see if there was a solution. All was not lost, at least that was her perspective and after wrenching herself from Ray's deadlocked embrace and calming the teens down from their hyperventilative states, she and Schwoz got to work.

Okay, prising the door to the circuit board and inner mechanisms wasn't too hard, the bomb wasn't very sophisticated in that way, so that wasn't the problem. However, what was a bit concerning was how unnecessarily complicated it seemed to be on the inside.

So, as they started poking around the cable and buttons and observing the pressure dials, they realised that this wasn't gonna be as easy as they had thought. Stuff everywhere, way too many components and extra wires that could trip the system at any time and kill them all instantly. In other words, they were playing Russian roulette.

"You said this thing wasn't active! You said it was like a big rock!" Henry exclaimed breathlessly as he and Ray paced around whilst they did their best to disarm the bomb. 

Jasper and Charlotte were content to huddle together by the supercomputer but the heroes couldn't sit still. Henry was just plain nervous and Ray was scared for himself, his team, his home, his goddamn rabbit in the other room and his sweet girl, who currently had her fingers wedged into a bomb. No wonder he was on the verge of a heart attack--he could see the ring on her finger next to the flashing lights. Would he even get to marry her?

"It was like a big rock! Until Ray, being the doofus he is, spilt soda on the timer and then, the carbon from his soda reacted with the degraded copper wires and oh, science-science-science and stuff you guys won't understand---now, it's active!" (y/n) snapped, not wanting to point the blame or get too technical but the stress was getting to her. The lives of everyone in the city were counting on her and Schwoz to fix this, what if they failed?

"And now, everyone in Swellview's gonna be vapourised?" Charlotte asked in a worried tone. That's what happened in the movies, that's what she'd learnt in history class, one bomb and everyone dies, that's generally what happened. A flash of searing pain and it was all over, well, some lucky so-and-so's might survive, Ray and maybe (y/n) included, but there'd be nothing left for them. No buildings, no safe food and water, everything would be lost.

"Oh, no, no, no..." Schwoz shook his head because that wasn't strictly accurate, so they all breathed a sigh of relief. Well, if they were destined to die at least they weren't gonna take everyone with them, that was a good thing. "First, we will all catch fire and then, we will slowly, painfully--"

"That is bad news!

"No, no, no, no!"

"Really, Schwoz?"

"Hey, knock it off you're scaring them! Anyway, we're the closest to the bomb, we'll be dead from the blast before we even realise it. Well, most of you will be anyway." (y/n) whacked Schwoz on the shoulder as the others shuddered from the description of their demise. Great, well, it was all right for her and Ray; he was sure to survive and her chances were better than theirs, and either way, dying like that didn't sound good.

"Just tell us how long we have until this thing explodes," Henry stated, swallowing his fear so they could focus on working out a solution. They always sorted things, they always cheated death, it was what they did and as superheroes, they were the only ones who could save the day. The mayor had dropped this on them, a bit of a dick move, but now, it was their responsibility. They could do something, right?

"Uh...about six hours." Schwoz estimated after glancing at the steadily rising pressure gauges. They weren't too high yet, the bomb wasn't ready to blow and they could do a lot in six hours, have a shower, get married, play a game of football, have lunch, sing a song or deactivate or dump the bomb. Any of those would be nice and Ray had his ideas about how they could spend their final hours, which predictably, weren't very helpful.

"Oh, great. We can finish the movie!" he grinned, which earnt him a few dry looks from his friends because that was so not helpful. Sure, they had time to play with but that time was for doing something useful, not watching some dumb teen movie. 

"No, Raymond, we are not watching the movie!" (y/n) warned him, making the man's giddy smile drop. Aw, he wanted to return the peace and comfort they'd had when they were snuggling earlier before the disaster had happened. It wasn't his fault that she looked so hot in that cute little skirt and dress, it was difficult to not want to have her all to himself but he understood where she was coming from. It had been a long stretch from the beginning.

"Wait, (y/n), Schwoz, can't you guys just cut the wires and turn off the timer?" Charlotte asked, thinking that it should've been simple because without a timer, the bomb wouldn't tick down and ergo, it wouldn't explode. If only it was as simple as it was in the movies.

"I don't know. These wires are old and unstable. Cutting the wires might work or it might cause an explosion. " Schwoz shrugged and looked at the cables and circuits inside. They were taking a risk as it was, poking around with such outdated equipment was dangerous and even he, the greatest inventor in Swellview, possibly one of the greatest in the world, couldn't say what would happen if he started snipping stuff.

"Enough talk! Either this works or it doesn't. Give me the wire cutters!" Ray just couldn't take it. What he was willing to take was his chances because this way, he could say that he'd tried his best and given it a go when no one else would. He had guts, everyone would give him that, but he was also stupid and reckless, and they weren't ready to be blown up yet.

"What? No, no, no, no!"

"Ray! Ray!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!"

"No, no, no, no!"

"Doofus, no!" They all screamed, making him pull away from the bomb before he could do any snipping. Jeez, talk about giving them all heart attacks, he had no coordination, no expertise and no clue which wire to cut and no, he couldn't cut all of them. They had to think about this carefully if they were gonna cut the wire, that is.

"What? What?"

"Or you could just load it up into the Man Truck, drive it out into the desert and cut the wires there. That way if Whistlin' Susie explodes, nobody in Swellview gets burnt to a crisp," Charlotte suggested and everyone thought that her idea sounded a hell of a lot better.

"Ummmm, it's kinda a far drive," Ray, however, wasn't too keen, "I've already got the wire cutters right here and I'm feeling lucky." He grinned and twirled the small cutter in between his fingers. Right well, if he was feeling lucky, then they were feeling sneaky because there was one way to get Ray to change his mind and then had no problem shoving her forward to use those eyelashes against him. The skirt helped too...

"Ray...please..." Oh, (y/n) was good, she was so good. Her hand was hooked underneath his arm and grasping his bicep before he could step towards the bomb and when he turned to look at her, she turned up the charm. Her palm rested against his chest and she looked up at him through her eyelashes so her eyes seemed large and sorrowful, so when her bottom lip trembled, it was all over for the hero. How could he go against her when she was practically begging on her knees and penetrating his soul like that?

"Fine, I'll do it! Schwoz, will you please show me what to do when I get out to the desert?" Ray conceded haughtily, although everyone knew that he wasn't pissed at all, he never was when it came to his sweet girl. He could try to make it seem like he'd been pushed into the decision, but it was clear that he'd gladly taken her hand to be guided into the light. And that was the magic of (y/n).

"Hold my flashlight..." Schwoz was beyond relieved that his boss was taking the sensible route because now all he needed to do was give him a don't-blow-yourself-up-course in bomb disarmament, 

"It's simple. First, you hold the orange wire with one hand. Then, with the other hand, you cut the yellow wire."

"Easy." Well, that seemed straightforward enough. Even for a bozo like Ray, who'd never attended a science class in his life because his girl's late-night ramblings on the workings of life didn't count.

"Then, with your third hand," or not, "you press the reset button. Then, with your fourth hand, you hold the white wire. Then, with your fifth hand, you cut the green wire. And finally, you press the reset button again--"

"That's not a plan!"

"I don't have a fourth hand!"

"That's not gonna work!" They complained to the genius, who gave them all a blank stare. Well, he could do it on his own, what were they grumbling about? It was just simple physics contained in a deadly explosive, nothing too fruity.

"You need six hands to diffuse this thing?" Jasper asked as Ray frowned. Well, that meant he couldn't go on his own, or rather, he wouldn't let anyone come with him, so they'd have to think of another plan. And yet that got (y/n) and Henry thinking; well, if Captain Man needed help, it was obvious who'd go with him. There were two people employed specifically to lend a hand.

"One, two...Okay! New plan! I figure out a way to grow Ray four more arms--" Oh, Schwoz. Dear, sweet, clever and yet so stupid, Schwoz. 

"Schwoz, first of all, that's never gonna work and you're gonna spend years trying. Second of all, you're not turning my fiancé into a mutant freak. And third of all, that means there's only one thing left to do." (y/n) pinched the bridge of her nose before turning to her lover, who seemed to dread what she was about to suggest as if he could read her mind. Okay, it wasn't ideal because even with her, the danger was still very real, but what choice did they have? 

"We've gotta go with you, doofus."

"Huh, no!" And Ray just flat out refused. No way, not a chance, he was never gonna allow his darling, precious fiancé and vulnerable, young sidekick along on a trip that could so very easily end in them being blown to bits. It was too dangerous and if anything happened to them, he'd never forgive himself, not when the burden had only been his to bear at the beginning.

"You heard Schwoz, dude, you need six hands to turn this thing off!" Henry protested, siding with (y/n) on this one because whilst he was squishy and in danger of being killed, he had a duty to the city just as much as his boss did. He wasn't scared of death, not if it meant he was saving thousands of people in the process.

"Yeah, but you and (y/n)--I gotta keep you--I gotta keep her safe--"

"And we took an oath to help you protect the people of Swellview, so we're going doofus, whether you like it or not." (y/n) butted in. She understood what was running through his mind, she wasn't overly thrilled about him going or Henry being put in danger too, but they had to do this, no matter how terrifying it was or what they could lose. Who would do it if not them?

"It's too dangerous, sweetheart. You know---you know I can't lose you," Ray lowered his voice and looked off to stare at the floor as he tenderly cupped her cheek and imagine his worst nightmare becoming a reality. 

No more sleeping, he couldn't do that without her next to him. No more eating, he wouldn't want to if she wasn't there to steal tidbits. No more watching movies, if she wasn't there to snuggle into his side and makeout with him then there was no point. Life would become meaningless and dark, it was better that she stayed safe and he took the hit on this one.

"I know doofus, but you're the guy who was about to cut the wires on an atomic bomb because he was, feeling lucky." (y/n) pointed out. It was all well and good saying that he was concerned about her and the kid, and yes, that protectiveness made her tummy flutter, but moments before, he'd been willing to just go off luck and take a chance. He was lucky he was so adorable...

"Okay, that was a lie. I didn't feel lucky at all!" Very lucky that he was so adorable. Sometimes, it was like there was a subtext telling them to just punch him in his stupid teeth. Whatever, whilst they were debating whether to kill him or not, Charlotte had been brainstorming and she was fairly sure that there was a way for Henry to go and stand some chance of surviving the nuclear blast.

"Wait, Schwoz, remember when you used to be convinced that there was gonna be a war between humans and bears?" She turned to the small man, who instantly became serious and passionate about the change of topic. Yeah, that had been a weird time in the Man Cave and there had been plenty of debates about how ridiculous and unrealistic his theory was but there had been one good thing to come out of Schwoz's conspiracy.

"Used to be? You just wait until Bear War One, it's coming! Believe me! It's coming!"

"No need to get overexcited, Schwoz. It's just a load of old shit..." (y/n) muttered as the genius went off on one about how he thought the bears were gonna rise and kill humanity. Honestly, he called himself a man of science, but they let him have his wild theories, all (y/n) did was merely relax back into Ray's chest when he leisurely wrapped his arms around her waist and dropped a kiss to her temple. He could tolerate the crap if he had her as a distraction.

"Anyway...you still have that bear-proof suit that you made, right?"

"Yeah...that bear-proof suit. That thing ever work?" Henry could see what Charlotte was driving at and Schwoz chuckled and chuckled and chuckled at the memory. That had been a fun day for him, Ray and (y/n). You know, just a normal day until he'd brought an actual, man-eating bear into the Man Cave to test out the survival suit he'd made, which Ray had loved, but his sweet girl had hated.

It had been petrifying from the moment the thing had walked out of the elevator. Whilst Ray had excitedly observed from the tube pads with (y/n) cowering behind his back, the huge beast padded its way into the main room and headed for Schwoz. The genius had taunted and lured it towards him and before he knew it, the beast had given him a strong swipe with its paw, and that sent him flying. Surprisingly though, in the suit, he couldn't feel a thing, not even when its jaws locked onto his arm and started to maul him. All it did was leave him chuckling, much like he's now at the oh-so hilarious memory.

"Well, does that answer your question?" Schwoz asked as he broke out of his little daydream. Oh, fun memories--not only had his suit been a great success but he'd had a lovely little play session with a fucking huge animal. It was great, even if (y/n) begged to differ. To her, the place still smelled of bear...

"No."

"You've just been standing there, laughing for about twenty-five seconds." Henry and Jasper stared at him blankly because all the time he'd been imagining how great his suit had been, the others had been left to just watch as he spaced out. Well, Ray was a little preoccupied running his nose from behind his girl's ear and down her neck to her shoulder, enjoying how she shivered and stretched to bare her throat even more. He'd kinda lost himself in the moment too...

"Oh, well, the suit works." And that's all Henry needed to know, much to Ray's annoyance since he now had to stop enjoying the scent of his fiancée's perfume and break out of their happy little bubble to return to the problem of her and Henry tagging along on his deadly mission.

"Good enough for me. Ray, I'm going with you." Henry announced and slapped his boss on the back as the man rubbed his eyes tiredly. Oh god, the kid wasn't taking no for an answer and he could hear his sweet girl giggling at how frustrated he was by it. Did he have to? Sure, that suit was epic but still, he was so worried.

"Me too, doof. Count me in." (y/n) smiled and squished his cheeks together just to annoy him even down. She wasn't about to watch him drive off and get himself blown up, she was gonna be there too, for better or worse. And if he thought he could get rid of her or Henry that easily, not when they were as heroic and courageous as he was. He would just have to put up with it.

"Dah, fine! But if either of you dies, I'm gonna kill you!" Ray warned them snappily, which made his lover chuckle at how silly and weirdly cute his threat was. Yeah, that was her doofus, ridiculous yet fiercely loyal, loving and caring; it was just his way of saying he was gonna go with it but at the first sign of danger, they'd be the ones retreating whilst he stayed behind. He cared, so damn much...as if he'd ever kill them.

"Sure you would, sweetheart..." The woman grinned and stood on her tiptoes to give him a gentle kiss, her thumb rubbing at the space between his eyebrows to smoothen the crease there caused by stress. It would be fine, they would be fine and as long as they were together, death wouldn't be so bad. A bit of an inconvenience, sort of.

"Let's do this!" Henry exclaimed, feeling pumped up and ready to go since he felt quite safe. The suit would protect him and let's be honest, Ray would never let anything threaten (y/n), so the fact that he was letting her come along told him that it wasn't that dangerous. Seriously, Ray could be quite firm when he was concerned about her and as such, the kid was feeling quite calm and unbothered, so he just gave Susie a small smack--which made her tip over. Idiot.

The bomb landed with a clank and a click, which caused them all to jump back in fear and alarm. Ray instinctively tugged (y/n) behind his back and felt Jasper curl into his shoulder too, although he was much more concerned with how his sweet girl trembled with fright. What had Henry been thinking? 

"Let's do this..." The teen rephrased with slightly more humility because everyone was glaring daggers at him. Not his best moment, maybe he'd smack something else next time because Charlotte was breathing like a bullmastiff, Schwoz had gone pale, Jasper had to be wrenched from Ray's shoulder and speaking of Ray, he'd gone into super-protective fiancée mode. 

(y/n)'s arms were securely around his waist, her face buried in between his shoulder blades and her hot breath settling into his shirt as she caught her breath. Ray dropped his hands down to his belt to gently grab hers and ran his thumb over her knuckles as he death-stared at his sidekick. His sweet girl had been scared, even if it was just for a moment--not Henry Hart's best idea he'd ever had.

~In the Man Truck~

Well, the drive hadn't been so bad. It had been agonisingly long and to be fair, the heroes had had a slow start after transforming into their super-suits--just Ray having one of his pre-journey fits as usual.

However, once they'd hit the open road, things had gone rather smoothly. The traffic had soon been left behind in the city as they reached the hour mark but it wasn't particularly boring, not when Ray could rest one elbow on the door and keep the other on (y/n)'s inner thigh--the only position they knew when it came to cruising in Ray's beat-up old truck. 

It truly was a banger; rusty and rickety after a couple of decades of service to the man, who loved it like it was his baby. There were so many memories attached to it, passing his driving test, picking up girls as a spotty teenager, wooing women as a handsome adult, blasting music with (y/n) when they were "just friends" and now, driving his future wife to late-night dates for star-gazing. This truck had seen it all and even if it was showing its age, he'd never get rid of it. No, (y/n) would forever be working her magic to keep it running, he just adored the stupid hunk of junk.

Still, it was good enough for a discreet mission like this where they needed space in the back and a vehicle that wouldn't draw suspicion. All of the other vehicles he owned wouldn't do; they were too small and too flashy to carry a bomb around and the last thing wanted to do was pull over for a selfie when the cargo in the back go blow at any minute. No, the Man Truck would do just fine, great even because after a while, ignoring the smell of burning oil, it was quite a sweet ride.

There was enough space for all three of them in the front with Henry taking the passenger side, Ray at the wheel and (y/n) squished into the middle. And that truly was the best set-up because the kid could have his own space as they got all cosy--well, as cosy as they could with the man driving. The atmosphere was rather relaxing as they finally broke out into the desert and trekked along a desolate, endlessly straight road, and with Ray being suspiciously silent yet striking with his hot sunglasses, there was ample opportunity for a good, old-fashioned heart-to-heart.

"...It's just like, I don't know, man. I'm just--I'm having trouble balancing my normal life with my sidekick life." Henry sighed as he ranted to (y/n), who honestly didn't mind because she was a good listener and in a way, she kind of related to how he was feeling. Well, not exactly, but she understood what he was feeling. 

It was one of Henry's bitter problems, the struggle of being a normal kid and a superhero at the same time because everyone needed Henry Hart to be the perfect student, the perfect, son, the perfect brother and the perfect friend, but everyone also needed Kid Danger to be the perfect hero. There was just so much pressure and so many expectations, he sometimes wondered if his thirteen-year-old self had bitten off more than he could chew.

Sure, it had been fun at first but now, a few years down the line and he found himself struggling to stay afloat. What had been plain and simple, black and white before was now blurring into one, the lines he'd drawn were disappearing and he was losing his perspective on what his priorities were. Should he stay at home with his family or go out and save someone? Should he study to make sure he passes that class or run off to go and stop Doctor Minyak or The Toddler? 

"It's like, where does Henry Hart end and Kid Danger begin?" That was the burning question. Who did he want to be? Because from what he'd learnt so far, he couldn't be both. He was both Henry and Kid Danger but they were two different people constantly fighting to be on the surface and be the dominant personality. How could he fight bad guys and live a normal life when he was fighting himself?

"It's just...it's been a tough couple of years..." He sniffed and (y/n) couldn't take it anymore. Her hand crossed the gap between them and landed on his knee, making him look over at her with sad, puffy eyes. Poor baby, she knew it was a struggle, she knew how much he'd sacrificed for the city and she knew that it sucked that for Kid Danger to be the great sidekick he was, Henry Hart had to take a beating. Their lives weren't easy, she knew that better than anyone.

"I know, kid," she swallowed and squeezed his knee before carrying on, "I totally get what you're saying. I mean, one minute I was boring old (y/n) (y/l/n), the mouse in the Man Cave and the next minute, I had a superpower and I was out fighting crime." It was curious how fate played its hand. When she'd taken the job as his helper or mechanic or cleaner or whatever, (y/n) had never expected to become Ray's sidekick, especially not after Henry had arrived but that's just how things played out.

"We had to become different people very quickly and we'll never be thanked for what we do. We have to suffer for Miss Danger and Kid Danger to thrive and it's hard to just sit back and take it. But it's what we do." She said wistfully. Of course, her job was rewarding and she never tired of seeing people reunite with their families or villains get their comeuppance but sometimes she couldn't help but wonder too. 

If she and Ray retired, what would life be like for them? No more stress, no more constant peril, no more sleepless nights, no more disrupted days, no more secrets. They'd be a normal couple and they could live in a normal house with boring jobs and boring neighbours, which didn't sound fun until she dreamed of the family they longed for. Children and a dog, messes to clean up and drawings on the fridge, spilt breakfast in bed and long nights soothing poorly tummies. That sounded like heaven but she knew that the dream was a long way off.

"Do you ever wish you hadn't taken the job?" Henry asked, which made the woman pause. He'd taken it because he was just a kid in need of money and adventure but she had a job, a great job that she loved and lord knows that naturally if danger came her way, she ran in the other direction. What would've happened if she'd stayed in her comfort zone and not gone out on the odd mission that turned into a full-time habit?

"...No. I...I don't like to think like that," she replied, choosing her words carefully because her feelings were complex but the truth was simple, "there's no point wishing that I'd done something differently. And anyway, who knows? If I'd never become Miss Danger, I might have never got with Ray and you two would undoubtedly be stuck in a hole or a trap right now." 

"Yeah, that's true," Henry giggled, knowing that M-D had certainly gotten him and Ray out of a few scrapes over the years, "...thanks for listening to me."

"No problem, kid. I know how much you struggle to make us happy and everyone else. We're both very grateful and if you ever need a break or advice or anything, you can come to us. Ain't that right, doofus? Doofus? Ray! Raymond!" (y/n) drifted her smile away from the thankful boy and across to her lover, who had been suspiciously quiet during the time she and Henry had been chatting. 

Not even one word had fallen from his lips, which wasn't like him and now that she thought about it, his hand had been suspiciously still and limp on her thigh too. Was he--was he asleep? 

Oh, yeah he was, Henry reached across to grab the sunglasses and confirmed it, his eyes were shut, his mouth was open and his breathing was slow. Well, now she was glad she shouted at him because he'd sneakily put on his shades to hide the fact that he was dozing during their conversation, which was rude, dangerous and just a little bit mean when Henry was having a tender moment. 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

"Oh my god, you--you doofus!" The sidekicks screeched as they saw how they were just cruising along with a driver who'd fallen asleep behind the wheel and on instinct, (y/n) grabbed it to correct their course. She'd wondered why they'd been drifting from one side of the road to the other for the last few miles but she'd just written it off as Ray being bored. Now, she knew the truth.

"Whooooaaa-I'm awake!" The hero's eyes flew open with a start and he blinked at his horrified fiancée and best friend with an innocent expression. He'd only closed his eyes for a minute because they'd been talking about boring stuff and the drive was so lame. What was the big deal?

"Raymond! Were you asleep the entire time?" (y/n) questioned harshly, her mouth dropped open as she was just...speechless. Totally and utterly baffled at how he could be so protective, loving and nurturing one minute and a completely careless buffoon the next. The man who rocked her so lovingly after she was so frightened by Susie falling over and kissed her until she'd forgotten about it had driven a car senselessly. God, he made her question his mind sometimes...

"It's fine, sweet girl! The road's straight, Henry's in a bear-proof suit, you've got super-regeneration and I'm indestructible, pffffffhh!" Ray merely brushed off her concerns with his signature charming smirk and a squeeze to her thigh, on which his hand had moved up another inch or so, just to add extra smoothness to his excuse. He had everything under control, he'd never let them get hurt.

"There's a World War Two atomic warhead in the back of the truck!" Henry exclaimed. Honestly, if they had crashed, what did he think would happen? They'd all be blown to bits, thank you and good night. How could he be so reckless with his life, the life of his future wife and the life of his sidekick who hadn't even reached adulthood yet?

"Oh, yeah...I will stay awake!" Ray grinned breezily as if he'd forgotten about Whistlin' Susie in the back. How could he forget? Did he not have nerves shooting around his belly as they did? It wasn't the sort of thing you could forget but this was Ray, the guy who forgot birthdays, anniversaries and things that happened that morning, so they begrudgingly let it slide as he shifted position to wrap an arm around (y/n)'s shoulders and pulled her into his side. Well, this was nice, at least.

"This truck's a beater, how long you had it?" Henry asked as he watched the couple get all cosy. He could see it now; them driving all night long to get to one of those secluded cabins that they booked for a weekend away, stopping to "have a break" at the side of the road, arguing at some points and laughing during others, and just making the most of every moment they had together because sooner or later, they'd return to work and the domesticity would be shattered. The life of a superhero tended to get in the way of normal romantic breaks...

"Uh...since I was sixteen, so...twenty--uh, ten--t-ten years." Ray stammered as he quickly changed his answer. Twenty-odd years seemed an awfully long time, and as always, his need to appear youthful and trendy overcame the truth. 

It was a blatant lie but it seemed better than admitting his true age, especially when he remembered the gap between him and everyone else. With Henry, it wasn't so bad, they had a brother thing going on, but with his sweet girl, sometimes he had some different thoughts. Six years separated them, she was ten when this truck was brand new and sometimes, he just wanted to be closer to her age, even if she had never thought twice about how old he was. 

"Ummm, seems a lot older than that," Henry replied, not realising that he was rubbing salt into some very, very sore wounds that Ray preferred to ignore. 

"Well, I'm not old, okay? I'm not! The--the truck is not old! All right? The truck is a boy! A young boy, who will never grow old and never die and will always be mommy's favourite!" Yeah, there were some unresolved issues here that any psychologist would love to have a crack at. Poor doofus, his childhood was traumatic what with the densitisation and estrangement from his parents and honestly, he could be a little...leaky when proved and his leaks or outbursts were a little scary for those unused to them.

"Okay, sweetheart, just breathe. No one is saying the truck is old. The truck is perfect and sweet and kind and I love him--it very much." (y/n) was quickly on top of the leak, soothing her upset doofus with a gentle metaphor, soft words and an even softer tone. Her poor love; he appeared fine but some things had left their scars and it was hard to let them fade when the pain was still there. All she could do was stroke his bicep or hold him when his terrors kept him awake at night until the day came when everything came to pass.

"...We've been driving for almost three hours. My phone's about to die." Henry stated, quickly moving the conversation on before the awkwardness became too much. It was fine, Ray had (y/n), and it was all fine. However, what was not fine was that he'd been scrolling through TwitFlash and playing too many games for so long that his battery was drained and in desperate need of a charger. So, it was a good thing that Ray had calmed down and had a solution.

"Oh, well, plug it in and charge it."

"Oh my god, I told you to get rid of that thing..." (y/n) gasped in horror and perhaps some admiration because, holy Jesus. Ray's idea of a portable charger wasn't a power bank or anything sensible like that, oh no, it was a mechanical engineer's or a firefighter's worst nightmare. 

Bundle after bundle of wires and cables snaked into a mess of corded spaghetti that eventually connected to an extension lead, which fed off of the car's battery--a fire hazard waiting to spark. (y/n) hated it with a burning passion too; her doofus had been doing it for years, saying that he knew about electricity more than she did and that overloaded sockets were just a myth, so he plugged everything into the damn thing. Phones, satellite navigation, fans and other assorted gadgets, you name it, the tangled wires powered it and all she could do is sulk.

"That can't possibly work," Henry stated, seeing that (y/n)'s face was like thunder and for good reason. The frayed wires had been patched up with tape and there was so much going on he couldn't see where it even started. Surely, the car battery would make everything explode from the high voltage and how much resistance was channelling through so much copper; how had his phone not melted yet?

"It works for my phone and the heating pad I'm sitting on and the portable AC unit under the seats," Ray smirked and just ruffled his girl's hair when he caught a glimpse of her expression. He'd been using this thing for years and she'd been complaining about it for years, but in all that time, nothing had ever gone wrong, much like the truck it fed off, the not-so-portable charging station was still going strong.

"Yeah, and it's also stupidly inefficient, dangerous and--stop holding it near my face, Raymond!" (y/n) shrieked when the messy bunch was shoved up into her face so Henry could grab the free charging cable. The idea of being zapped in the eye made her shriek and Ray chuckled because nothing was gonna go wrong. She was just so cute when she tried to be stern and his reaction as her hands covered her face swayed her decision.

"Okay..." The boy didn't need any more convincing. If it worked for all of that stuff, it should work for his phone, right? That's how physics worked, all of that malarkey about electricity causing fires was just a load of shit. And so, he plugged his phone in, smiling when the little lightning symbol appeared on the screen. Huh, maybe Ray was a genius...or not.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Henry gasped and recoiled from the wire bundle when as (y/n) had predicted, the circuit just couldn't take the extra strain. The surge of power overloaded the shitty, old cables and they began to spark and smoulder and pop in Ray's hand as his sweet girl freaked out in tandem. It was in her face, she had every right to panic, especially when Ray instinctively dropped it when it burned his fingers. And where did it land? Right on her lap.

"Ow! Oh my god, it burns! It's burning me! Get it off! I'm gonna kill both of you for this!" She shrieked when her poor thighs and knees were given a bit of a belt from the electricity and she'd never been more grateful for her healing abilities when the burn marks vanished instantly. Still, the torture was never-ending, especially since car batteries are known for being very long-lasting and rather powerful.

"Aw, come on! My heating pad!" Ray groaned when he felt his pad fizzle out, which earned him a murderous look from his fiancé. Seriously? That's what he was focusing on? His stupid ass warmer? Her legs, her beautiful legs, which he just happened to be so fond of because it was one of her top one hundred best qualities, were being scorched and fried and he cared about that? Well, that was the last time he'd see her in the hot skirt...

"Fuck the heating pad, it's burning me, your future--ow, shit!--wife!" She gasped as the sparks licked at her skin but then...nothing. The multi-coloured wires suddenly cooled into a smoulder as the electricity gave out, which was a good thing because the horrific burns had stopped but also, it was bad. Very bad--the electricity had stopped because the battery had burnt itself out and in doing so, it overheated the radiator and before they knew it, steam was rising from the bonnet. Oh, shit.

~

Pulling up to the side of the road, the heroes choked for air as fuel-smelling radiator steam filled the car as they stepped out onto the sandy track. God, they were in the ass-end of nowhere, nothing and no one around for miles and miles, just coyotes and cacti as far as the eye could see until they hit the mountains in the distance. The perfect place to ditch a nuclear bomb, not so perfect for breaking down without any tools or a method to call for help.

"Oh god, without the battery, we're never gonna get this thing started again." (y/n) gasped as sweet, clean air filled her lungs again but the relief didn't last. The car couldn't start without a spark to light the fuel and with no jump cables or an ignition source, they had no hope of hotwiring it, which was a lovely thing to realise when you're miles away from help.

"Way to go! Your phone broke the Man Truck!" Ray snapped at Henry as he soothingly rubbed his sweet girl's back as she spluttered, but the kid didn't deserve the blame. He could be gentle and tender all he wanted, they all knew who was at fault; the guy who'd brought half a gadget shop with him to charge his numerous, unnecessary devices.

"What are you talking about?"

"Everything was going fine until you plugged your weird phone into the truck's electrical system." The hero snapped at his bewildered sidekick, and that got him a scowl from his lover. Electrical system? That was rich; an electrical system hinted that it had been made by the car company and installed professionally, not mish-mashed together by a guy who had a very basic grip on how electricity worked. The truck was too old for an electrical system anyway, it was grungy, dirty and dusty, the exact opposite of the best environment for super-fine, super-delicate fibreoptics. 

"Okay, the Man Truck's electrical system is made out of duct tape and denial." Henry quipped, making (y/n) snort because he'd hit the nail on the head. Ray wasn't laughing, though, he loved that truck and being the stubborn ass that he was, he refused to believe that his invention had been hanging on by a thread for the last few months, so as usual, he got all moody.

"I refuse to believe that." And that was that for him.

"Well, whether you believe it or not, Ray, we're in the middle of nowhere because that so-called electrical system killed the truck." (y/n) patted him on the back and ignored how he pouted. He probably wanted her to kiss him into a better mood or something but they had other things to focus on and he could wait.

"Think we're far enough out of town?" Henry asked the couple. It certainly seemed far enough away to him and (y/n) would agree. They'd hadn't passed another car in ages and there were no villages or towns between Swellview and the next city so it should've been okay, had Ray been listening.

"To do what?" Oh god, had he really forgotten? No, no one was that stupid, not even Ray. He couldn't have forgotten already, not when the sole purpose of the trip was to deliver the bomb to the desert so no one would die.

"To diffuse Whistlin' Susie, the World War Two atomic warhead that we have in the back of the truck? Remember that, doofus?" (y/n) asked her fiancé with raised eyebrows. There was a reason she ould him her doofus and this was it. He truly was a huge doofus at times but when he remembered something and that goofy smile lit up his face, it was so hard for her to stay too mad. Damn him for being so adorable.

"Oh, yeah, sweet girl! I totally forgot! That was weird..." Ray chuckled at his silly forgetfulness. Henry wasn't particularly impressed but with him brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes, (y/n) was willing to just smile with the hero as he pulled the tarp off the back of the truck. "Anyray..."

"Please, you know I hate that..." That, however, really got on her nerves. Not in a bad way, but it was quite annoying, and the more she disliked it, the more he said it. Ray loved the way her face screwed up cutely when her words grated against her, so he did it over and over and over again with the hope that she'd kissed him to shut him up. After the bomb was disposed of anyway, he could wait just a bit longer if it meant he got to see her in that skirt again.

"Where'd you put Susie?" Ray asked his sidekicks as the tarp hit the sandy road and revealed that the back of the truck was empty, save for a spare tire and whatever other random junk Ray carried around on his adventures. It was bombless, Susie was nowhere in sight and it was such a shock to hear that he couldn't find the literal ticking time bomb that (y/n)'s words dried up in her mouth and Henry was sure he'd misheard his boss.

"Hmm?" "Where'd you put Susie?" The hero reiterated and that's when Henry's face went pale. Okay, he'd not misheard him, he genuinely couldn't find the damn bomb. Panic time.

"Uh, I didn't put Susie anywhere. You said you were gonna put her in the back of the truck." Henry told his boss. That's what had happened, he and (y/n) just knew it as they shared a horrified, serious look of dread. Ray had said that he was all over the situation and that they didn't need to worry about anything because he could handle everything while they relaxed. Oh, god...

"Uh, no, I didn't!" (y/n) felt the world crumbling around her as she growled and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her palm. Well, those two could argue for ages but this was shaping up to mean one thing; they'd forgotten the bomb and now, they had a serious problem.

It had taken them three hours to get here and it would take another three hours to get back, so they'd never get Susie out of town in time. This was the mother of all fuck-ups and she knew that if Ray hadn't been so focused on other things like his stupid heating pad, they wouldn't be in this situation.

"Uh, yeah, you did, doofus! Before we left, you went back to Man Cave to get your heating pad and I said to you, very specifically, on your way back, get Whistlin' Susie and put her in the back of the truck." (y/n) recalled, giving her lover a very stern look that had him prickling defensively. He didn't like being in trouble with her, he preferred to appear as the innocent, perfect fiancé in her eyes, the one who did nothing but love and care and provide for her. Doing things wrong just tarnished that rose-tinted image.

"And what did I say?" Ray asked haughtily, and the iciness in his voice was a little uncharacteristic since it was her who he was speaking to and usually, he was all soft and sweet and caring. But even still, Henry had no trouble remembering how his boss had jogged off to fetch the bomb like a lovesick puppy--that was probably why he'd forgotten it.

"You said, on it like a bonnet, sweet girl." The boy retold with a hint of disgust in his voice from the sappiness, making Ray's face crack into his normal grin. Yeah, he did say that, he remembered how his tummy fluttered when he'd shared a kiss with his precious girl through the open car window and then after that, it had just been a blur to get back to her side. 

"Oh, yeah! I do remember saying that. That was funny..."

"So...if Whistlin' Susie's not here, where is she, doofus?" (y/n) asked with a sugary sweet voice, making the boys grow silent. That was an excellent question and after Ray bent his body to look under the truck, they came to the obvious conclusion. It was in the back, it wasn't underneath, it hadn't fallen onto the road...it was back at the Man Cave. 

~

And cue the screaming. It was involuntary and before she knew what was happening, (y/n) was swept into a Ray-(y/n)-Henry sandwich. Yeah, 'cause hugging would make it all better. They shrieked for a good few seconds as the horror of what had happened caught up with them; Susie was still with Charlotte, Schwoz and Jasper and who knows, by the time they got back there, they might have all been blown up. It was a terrifying prospect and Ray couldn't help but hyperventilate into his sweet girl's neck because this was all his fault, he was to blame, no one else.

Still, they had to be strong and refocus. No point in screaming, they were wasting precious seconds. What they needed to do was calm down and form a plan to dig themselves out of the massive hole they'd dug for themselves.

"All right, man. We gotta stop screaming, you gotta let (y/n) go and we gotta figure out a plan." Henry said as his heart rate dropped and his training kicked in. Sure, this was a crisis but he dealt with them every week and yes, this was a bit bigger than a petty criminal or a cat stuck in a tree but he knew they'd think of something when they were calm. And by all means, if (y/n) calmed Ray down then he could hold her hand, just not squeeze the life out of the poor girl--they needed her brains.

"Okay, you're right..." Ray took in a deep breath and released his girl from his ironlike embrace, although, he did still clasp her hand tightly as predicted. Right, plan, plan, plan, he could think of a plan, he was Captain Man and he could think of a plan, easy. "Okay, first things first, we use our phones and we need to call the Man Cave and let them know what's going on--

"Doofus, doofus--doofus!"

"What?" Ray looked down at his pretty girl as she butted in on his great yet obvious plan. That was too easy; as if they'd be able to ring one of their colleagues and tell them the sitch, no, no, no, fate liked things to be a little more complicated. He should've known that.

"Yours and Henry's phones burned in the truck and I...I forgot mine in the Man Cave." (y/n) sighed, almost ashamed to admit it because she should've had all of her equipment at all times. They'd been on the road, stuck in traffic by the time she'd realised and it wasn't like she knew that they were gonna need to phone anyone so she'd assumed it would be fine. Oh, how wrong she was...

"Gahhh!..."Ray swallowed the frustrated rage that rose within him and instead of lashing out at his embarrassed lover, he just worked around it, sort of. "Okay, new plan. Uh, we move to a different town." Not his best plan ever.

"What?" His sidekicks spluttered, not believing that he was gonna give up so readily but little did anyone know, Ray Manchester thought about a domestic life more often than expected.

"We start new lives! We never look back! I could be like a handsome bus driver or a hot brain surgeon... I could live with my hot wife--(y/n/n), we could buy a cute, little house somewhere quiet, get married, have kids, get a dog, a cat, a hamster, whatever you want! We could...be happy." Ray fantasised and gazed at his fiancée with soft eyes because damn, he wanted that scenario--he always had. Sure, life was good, but that didn't mean it couldn't be better. He could give her safety, normality and tranquillity, which was rare for them now.

"Sounds nice, doofus," (y/n) whispered, picturing exactly what he was describing. Somewhere away from the city's hustle and bustle, somewhere with woodland for adventures and rivers to paddle in, somewhere with enough space to expand their little bubble and live out their days in the sunshine, not half a mile underground. It did sound nice, but that was for the future.

"We're happy right now. I think we'll get to that one day, but for now, we can't just start over." She squeezed his hand and trailed her fingers down his cheek, sighing softly when his lips brushed against hers. She was right, running away wasn't an option; it would just leave a dark cloud over their sunshine-filled fantasy and the memories of those they didn't save would haunt them forever. No, he'd have to wait for that reward, right now, he had to pay his dues to reach that serenity.

"Yeah. We're happy..." He mumbled against her cheek as his lips drifted to the right for a brief moment before finding their way back. She smiled into the kiss as Henry ignored them with a roll of his eyes and instead looked around. Jeez, talk about being uncaring during a crisis, but whatever, maybe it was their way of coping and he just so happened to have an idea.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey! Stop kissing!" The kid hissed to the couple, making them break apart with grumpy expressions but duh, they were happy and sharing in that happiness, but they were also willing to listen--quickly, "Remember that payphone, like, a mile back?"

"Vaguely, why?"

"I don't know, I think I was sleeping." They answered. (y/n) sort of remembered seeing something cuboid-shaped and manmade. Yeah, come to think of it, there had been something because her brain registered that in the entirety of the desert, the payphone had been the only seen that somewhere, civilisation existed. Ray, on the other hand, had no clue about his surroundings, he'd been too busy dreaming about matching gold rings, a boy, a girl and a Golden Retriever. 

"Well, there was one. So, we should go back to it, call the Man Cave and tell them to bring Whistlin' Susie to us!" Henry theorised and it sounded pretty good. He doubted that his friends would be annoyed by the long journey, after all, it was either that or being blown up and he knew what he'd choose. And they'd be cutting it close with the time but it was just about doable--in theory.

"Why don't we just use our phones and text them--and yes, sweet girl, as I'm saying that, I realise why it won't work--Let's go!" Oh, Ray, something wasn't wired correctly but still, his synapses connected at the last second and they began the long jog to the payphone. Jeez, a mile run? This day couldn't get any worse.

~One mile later~

To stay they were superheroes, the way they were panting was quite embarrassing. Fitness, who? Okay, maybe with (y/n) it wasn't so bad after doing so much cardio during her workout regime and the super-regeneration pushing her muscles to keep working helped too but Henry and Ray? They were trailing behind.

In the heat of the desert, in full uniform and in the kid's case, a bear-proof suit too, the journey to the phone wasn't a fun one, it was long, sweaty and arduous. The dust kept flying into their eyes and Ray had stumbled on several tumbleweeds and potholes, swearing under his breath the whole way there. 

And the only bonus was the view in front of him, not their destination as it drew ever near, no, the sit of his sweet girl bouncing along, one of her best...assets motivating him to keep ploughing until finally, thank god, they made it to the shitty payphone. It was flimsy, it was rusty, it had been put there like forty years ago but it would connect them to home and that was good enough for them.

"I should've taken off this suit, dude," Henry grumbled as Ray collided with the booth, panting to get his breath back as (y/n) leaned against his arm. Yeah, she needed more cardio, whatever she was doing right now was not enough. And as for Henry, well, he had sweat and sand in places that he previously didn't know he had.

"Hey, sweetheart, we need fifty cents for the phone call. Do you--do you have it?" (y/n) asked Ray breathlessly as she patted down her skirt for the money she clearly didn't have. She'd noticed that annoyingly, this wasn't one of those free phones. No, they needed an irritatingly small amount of change for it to work and the company credit card wouldn't cut it. Who even carried coins on them nowadays? Certainly not them, they had guns and grenades to carry instead.

"Uh, Captain Man emergency!" Ray awkwardly announced to the cacti, coyotes and whichever hermits might be within earshot before he used his legendary brute strength to punch the phone and rattle the chamber where the money was locked up. Okay, it wasn't a very superhero thing to do, stealing the coins but as he said, this was a life or death situation and no one was around to witness it except (y/n) and Henry.

"Good work, dude."

"Okay, that was hot." Ray turned around to smirk at his sidekicks, well, one in particular, as he collected a handful of fifty-cent pieces from the phone. Well, if she found acts of strength hot then he'd have to do them more regularly, if they survived this, that is. One coin was entered into the machine and Ray offered the phone to either one, expecting them to ake the call since one of them had created this idea and the other one was pretty and smart and--they'd know what to do.

"Okay, call the Man Cave."

What's the number?" Henry asked the couple. Sure, he'd do it but he had no idea what the number was and as such, he expected them to know it. Come on, they lived there, Ray was the boss, he invented the whole place, (y/n) had been like his PA for god knows how long, why did it fall to him? They knew it...right?

"I--I never call the Man Cave!"

"I don't either! Like, who calls themselves?" Ray and (y/n) spluttered, suddenly feeling rather...trapped. It had never seemed important; if they'd ever had a problem, they'd call each other or Schwoz or one of the teens, not the Man Cave itself. It was just one of those things they ignored, took for granted and never really thought about before, which was seeming a bit stupid around about now.

"Well, neither do I!"

"Okay, well, call Charlotte then! She'll know what to do!" (y/n) suggested and Ray enthusiastically held the phone out to Henry. He was her best friend, surely he knew her number, just like Ray knew (y/n)'s number off by heart and vice versa. Of course, he could ring her cell, which wouldn't be a bad idea, but now that she thought about it, she'd...left in their bedroom. No one ever went in there, they'd never hear it ring...not such a clever girl.

"Oh, yeah... What's her number?" Ah, jeez.

"You don't know Charlotte's number?!" Ray exclaimed exasperatedly, looking at his sidekick with a bewildered expression. Oh, come on, what did teens do today? Maybe it wasn't the same situation but when he'd first received (y/n)'s number all those years ago, he'd sat in the Man Cave and stared at those numbers over and over to get them into that dense head of his--anything for the enchanting girl he'd met at that cafe. Okay, that had been driven by a newfound fluttering in his tummy but still, didn't best friends know each other's numbers anymore?

"Okay, when I call Charlotte, I tap her name on my phone. I don't actually dial the number!" Henry replied defensively, not liking how everything was being pinned on him. Why would he remember something when his phone remembered it for him? Not everyone was in love and desperate to memorise every little detail about their crush like these two did--he was a normal human being.

"That makes me sick!" Okay, a bit extreme but Ray was quite disappointed. Now, they were back at square one.

"What numbers do you know?" Henry demanded to know. He swore to god if he said (y/n)'s name, he was gonna flip because that wasn't helpful right now. 

"(y/n)'s!" Ray replied instantly, making Henry groan at how his guess had been correct. Any phone number but that one and whilst it was sweet that they'd memorised those digits so that no matter where they were, they were connected for late-night chats, they were still in deep shit. The woman had said it herself, her phone was on her vanity unit, probably on silent mode and as useful as a potato to them.

"Apart from (y/n)'s?!"

"I don't know anyone else's number, okay?! She's the only one I want to call!" Ray exclaimed with tears springing in the corners of his eyes from how frustrated he was and (y/n) soothingly rubbed his back as he slammed the phone back down. 

Well, at least she was flattered; she knew his number off by heart too, a result of staring at her phone with mesmerised eyes when he first entered it into her phone with his real name to boot. She was good with numbers, she remembered his easily because having them made her feel special--what a pity no one else's did.

"These things are worthless!" And yet no matter how gentle her touch was, Ray still threw a tantrum. In a rather counter-productive move, he threw his handful of fifty cents out into the desert, watching as some of the silver disappeared into the desert while others rolled onto the road. Well, at least they'd already put one in the machine, ready to go if they remembered a number.

"Okay, let's not panic, boys. New plan--

"Wait, wait, wait!"

"But--"

"I need absolute silence." (y/n) had been about to think on her feet and finally put that supposedly big brain of hers to use as they all crowed into that tiny phonebox, but then, Henry had a brainwave. He didn't have many of those, so she fell silent to allow him to think since she could see that it was one of those moments where you just needed to scan the deeper layers of the muscle memories to find something really important. Whatever it was, he was so serious about it, so silence was probably key, however, Ray wasn't very good at silence, not when he wanted action and not boring old thinking.

"We need to come up with a--"

"I need absolute silence, thank you!" Henry stated. No matter what Ray said, Henry was determined to recall the memory that was just out of his reach and very, very dusty. It was a number, he was sure of it, fuzzy and dull but his brain could vaguely make it out. It was floating nearer and near, he could almost say it as if it was on the tip of his tongue--

"We need--sweet girl, tell him--"

"I need absolute silence." He said again, and this time, (y/n) put her hand over Ray's mouth to shut him up. Oh, he did not mind being quiet if it meant he could trail kisses on her fingertips and with the man distracted by his pretty girl, Henry could focus on his task. He was in his childhood, he was young, his mom was kneeling in front of him, he was about to go camping for the first time, and he was worried about something going wrong and not being able to contact home--illumination.

"Five, five, five, six, three, one, two. Call us and we'll come get you." 

"What are you doing? Stop that! Why are you singing lullabies?" Ray snapped as Henry did his little ditty with a dopey smile on his face, flicking the man's nose with every note before finishing by booping (y/n)'s. That was it, he remembered it, the easiest and oldest phone number he knew by heart and whilst it wasn't much, it was better than anything else they had.

"That's my home phone number! My mom made me memorise that when I was little so that in case I got lost, I could remember the number." Henry explained. Oh, it was like it had been yesterday, he sang that rhyme everywhere and whilst he'd never needed it before, he was so grateful that his mom had taught him it. She would never know how useful it was but dear god, it was a lifesaver, literally.

"Look, Hen, I know that your mother is the loveliest, most perfect woman that has ever graced this Earth, but calling your house right now does not help us. Your parents can't defuse a bomb." (y/n) stated tiredly, sighing at the thought of stupid Mrs Hart. Ray never told her how nice the woman had been to Ray at the kid's birthday party. She had no idea that she wasn't a wolf in sheep's clothing and that she wasn't being threatened. All (y/n) knew was that Henry's mom was hot and even if they were happy, hot moms were still Ray's type--a bitter pill to swallow.

"Yes, it does, (y/n/n)! My sister has a driving license. Remember?" Henry's eyes sparkled as he reminded her of that very useful if a little confusing fact. He glossed over the sadness and resentment that washed over her face when she thought about his mom and in the corner of his eye, he saw Ray tense from her subtle insecurity, but still, he said nothing. Perhaps the jealous despair would never fade, but that was a problem for another time and place.

"What? Isn't she like twelve?" Ray questioned incredulously as they moved on, although he did consciously wrap an arm around his girl's shoulders--a subtle move but one they both needed. Anyway, back to Piper; it would never stick in his head that the girl had unofficially gained her license at nine years old due to a computer error, no matter how many times people mentioned it.

"No, doofus. They sent her a license by mistake, we've established this many times." (y/n) told him quickly, knowing that he very rarely paid attention to something he wasn't interested in. There were so many other things that were much more intriguing like food or his face or his future wife. Why would he care about Piper when he could lavish his attention on her instead?

"Okay, so, we call your sister..." Ray started, trying to see if he was understanding this plan correctly. 

"Who loves Captain Man, Miss Danger and Kid Danger..." Oh, now it all became clear. Right, she was one of their biggest fans--she ran their fan club--it was only right that they call her for help. No doubt, she'd be ecstatic to lend a hand with no questions asked. 

"Oh, and we tell her to come pick us up..."

"And bring us back to Swellview..."

"And we can finally finish movie day!" Well, it was clear to (y/n), but Ray still had some catching up to do. Honestly, what a doofus; all he wanted to do was see the end of that movie, or rather, ignore the end of that movie because he would be too busy pressing his lips to every available patch of skin on his sweet girl's neck and face. That sounded like bliss and he wanted it back so much that Whistlin' Susie seemed like a mere inconvenience in comparison.

"What? No! Dude, the bomb, Whistlin' Susie--we have to deactivate it. Henry reminded him as (y/n) facepalmed from how he'd been distracted--again. Come on, what else had they been talking about? That bomb was primed to blow up the entire city and he wasn't worried about that? Jeez, they wanted whatever he was on.

"Oh, right, got it! What is wrong with me today?" Ray chuckled wheezily as he turned to punch that lullaby number into the machine. His brain really wasn't working today, maybe he hadn't gotten enough sleep last night, after all, he had been rather preoccupied until the early hours, or perhaps it was the perfume from his sweet girl sending him dopey since she'd added an extra squirt to her neck that morning. Whatever it was, he was out of it, not that it bothered him.

"Your doofus is showing, doofus..." (y/n) sighed and rested her forehead against his shoulder as they heard the coin clunk into the phonebox and the beeps with each press of the numbers. Okay, next came the dialling tone and some annoyingly monotone pre-recorded voice telling them to hold as the rusty line connected across the desert and into the city. Would Piper even pick up?

"When was the last time you used the landline in your house?" The woman asked Henry as Ray impatiently bounced up and down as they waited. It was dialling, which meant the phone was still connected to the telephone wires but now, it was a case of relying on Piper to understand how retro phones worked. There was no screen, no digital buttons, just a classic telephone with a rotary dial, and whilst that was nothing new to adults, for a millennial, it was like a fossil. Since when were phones so blocky?

"Uhhhhh...Don't know. Years maybe?" Well, that answered that question. Years were accurate, no one used a fixed phone now, cellular mobiles and the internet took care of that problem and it was a miracle that the Harts had even kept theirs tucked into a random kitchen cupboard somewhere just in case a dinosaur rang. Suddenly, they heard it; it wasn't much, a clattering and fumbling on the line as the beeps fell silent and then--

"What is this?" They heard softly, and (y/n) groaned as the boys squashed her into the middle so they could press their ears to the speaker. Piper's voice was faint as if she was far away from the phone but they could just about hear her, which meant they'd done it. They'd actually done something right for once.

"Uh, hi, Piper Hart?" Henry started, wanting to distance himself from his sister since it would be a disaster if she discovered his identity but luckily, she would never be able to guess anyway. The idea of her dumb brother being Kid Danger was damn near impossible in Piper's eyes, so when she heard the commanding voice through her vintage phone, nothing clicked in her mind.

"Uh, yeah?" Okay, good, she sounded confused--very confused--but it was definitely her, so Ray turned up the superhero charm. Captain Man's voice was easily recognisable, especially when he emphasised that "more important than thou" note it always had, so it made sense that he talked to Piper first, just so she wouldn't think that she was talking to some illegitimate weirdo.

"Uh, this is Captain Man..."

"And Miss Danger..."

"And Kid Danger..."

"Oh, hi! Is this a secret Captain Man phone line?" Piper asked gleefully as she instantly recognised the voices of her favourite heroes. She knew those powerful tones anywhere and whilst it made no sense that they'd been able to ring the phone that slept in her kitchen, she didn't let that fact dull her happiness. She felt special that she was speaking to them because no one else had ever reported being privileged enough to have a direct line to the city's crimefighters, so she didn't want to disappoint--and that played right into their hands.

"Uh, yeah, yeah! This is a direct line to the president of the Man Fans." Ray lied. Anything to get her to help them was gonna be said and what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. Sure, they were never gonna phone Henry's house again but for now, they could let her believe otherwise.

"Uh, listen--"

"I'll do it." Okay, they were grateful for the enthusiasm but that was a little too keen from the girl. Yes, they wanted her to agree to drive out to the middle of nowhere and then another three hours back into town but they could barely get a word in edgewise, just like she could barely keep her lip buttoned.

"Uh, well, we haven't exactly told you what we need you to do, sweetheart." (y/n) said slowly, kindly, almost hesitantly because god forgive if she stamped on the joy of a young girl who was only trying to help her idols. It was quite endearing to hear that happy, giddy lilt in her voice, it reminded her of when (y/n), not Miss Danger, got to spend time with the girl as her friend and hear her relax into a sweet, normal teenager who was just misunderstood by most. Still, they did need to explain themselves and it would be nice to get a chance to in between her ramblings.

"Don't even care!"

"We need you to drive out--"

"Say no more!" Piper screeched before Henry could finish the sentence and the heroes bit their lips' as the rough static of the phone being dropped assaulted their ears, evidence that Piper had once again gotten carried away. She'd run off to get to the car as fast as possible without even knowing where she was meant to be headed, so now, they had to awkwardly wait for her return as the seconds ticked by. Of course, she'd be back, she wanted to help--four, three, two...

"Actually, you need to say a little bit more..." And she was back. Again, A for enthusiasm, they loved to see that but if they could just finish a sentence that would be great. After all, the clock was ticking and this time, there was no second chance to save the day if they failed

~A while later, in the car~

Well, this was cosy. Piper had arrived eventually after a very long, very frustrating phone call that had taken another ten minutes to get through since the girl kept squealing. Anyway, that had all been fine in the end and their directions had been good enough to guide her out to the phonebox to pick them up. 

It had been an arduous wait in the heat and sand with no water and for Henry, the pain of being stuck with a handsy, lovey-dovey couple for two hours with nothing to do but watch them kiss and whisper revolting things into each other's ears. And that wasn't even the worst part. No, the worst bit was how moody Ray got when he had to say goodbye to his beloved truck, which was still abandoned at the side of the road.

Of course, they weren't gonna leave it there; Schwoz would come to pick it up in a few hours once the explosion had been adverted but still. It felt like leaving a piece of him behind, so by the time Piper rolled up in her dad's car, he was unbelievable grumpy as he took the front seat and his sidekicks got in the back. And that was yet another problem out of a hundred.

He had to sit in the front with the brat, which wasn't too bad for most, but to him, it was awful. He liked sitting next to his sweet girl in a car, he liked putting his hand on her thigh and watching the wind tussle her hair as they scanned the scenery. Now, she was stuck in the back with Henry, too far away to kiss or cuddle and it's not like he could wait it out. No, Piper drove like a pensioner; carefully, considerately and way too fucking slowly for a rush to rescue thousands of people from incineration. 

"Excuse me, Piper?" Ray started in a tight tone. His patience had reached its peak as they cruised along the desert track like they were on a fun, lighthearted road trip and he knew that if he was behind the wheel, his foot would be pressing the pedal to the metal and they'd be breaking a few dozen laws to make it back to Swellview on time. He was Captain Man, he was allowed to speed for god's sake, and it's not like the cops ever cared anyway.

"Yes?" Piper asked in a sugary tone, her eyes diligently staying on the road even when the hero asked her a question. No one could say she was a bad driver, in all of her years driving as a child, she'd picked up some mad skills, not that she was showing any of them now.

"Is there any way that you could drive a little faster?" 

"Yeah, just a tiny bit--"

"You need to drive faster." Henry wasn't as nice to his little sister as Ray or (y/n) was. Ugh, he'd been playing rock, paper, scissors with (y/n) for hours now and they'd still not arrived home. Couldn't they go just a smidge faster? At this rate, they'd get back to the Man Cave and find nothing but a big hole in the ground and all because his sister was being a goody-two-shoes; he knew what she was like, he knew that she was just trying to be a good citizen in front of Captain Man. But secretly, Piper was a rulebreaker, and Henry was certain that her foot was itching to hit the accelerator.

"But that would be speeding and I can't break the law." Oh, Piper. Her halo shone so brightly sometimes, but that's not what they wanted right now. They wanted speed and power, the only things that could get them to Whistlin' Susie before she blew. Now was not the time for being 

"Little girl, we are the law!" Ray growled, causing (y/n) to silently whimper at his dark, commanding tone. Okay, that was hot but she could tell him that later when they were snuggled up on the couch, because with a small nudge from Henry, Piper was about to use every ounce of horsepower that her dad's minivan had.

"You need to drive faster."

Oh, they would regret saying that. Piper wasn't about to argue with superheroes, not when they were entrusting her with their mission, so she threw caution to the wind and went into hardcore mode. The radio changed from gentle, relaxing background music to a brutal, heavy-metal rock anthem as she crushed the accelerator into the footwell, causing the car to lurch forward with so many g-forces that their faces hurt from the resulting contortion. 

Dear God, the smiley, go-lucky girl was gone and in her place was a maniac who swerved and swore at any unfortunate soul who happened to be heading her way and Ray, Henry and (y/n) were just along for the ride. Even with their superhero training, it was hard not to be terrified by her erratic manoeuvres and insane speed, so just as a precaution, Ray clung to the grab handle on the roof of the car and Henry donned his suit's mask. 

"Get out of the way!" And with Piper screeching like that and honking the horn, their precautions weren't overkill, and neither was the way the sidekicks in the back clung to each other like they were about to die. 

They were gonna make it back to the Man Cave in record time but they were also gonna be puking their guts up by the time they finally touched the sweet, non-moving ground again.

~The Man Cave~

Okay, so things weren't exactly going well in the secret hideout. Basically, sort of, maybe, in a way, shit had hit the fan. By the time Ray, (y/n) and Henry had finally made it back to the Man Cave, dizzy and blurry-eyed from Piper's extreme driving ( although (y/n) did ensure that she endlessly thanked the delighted girl for her service), they were confronted by a scene of absolute chaos. Literally, things had gone from very bad to dire. 

To cut a very long, frustrating, tragic and slightly comical story short, Schwoz had encountered a small hiccup when trying to find a way to deactivate the bomb that had been left in their care. What else was he supposed to do? He'd already tried running away, only to be dragged back kicking and screaming by the teens so he just had to fiddle about with the wiring to see if there was something he could do. And you know what, there was.

For a brief, glorious moment, there had been a ray of hope amid the shitstorm generated by the impending explosion and Schwoz had set to work with Charlotte and Jasper to stop Susie before she could kill them. However, he had forgotten the age-old rule; never work with children, especially when one of those children is Jasper. So, in true Jasper-fashion, there had been an almighty cock-up; something about the boy cutting a wire prematurely and now, Susie was hurtling towards disaster even faster. Just their luck.

The tubes dropped and Henry came down with Ray holding (y/n) to his chest as expected but they didn't get the usual fanfare. No, they returned home with pounding hearts and nerve-riddle tummies to find their colleagues arguing and shouting about who was at fault, who could be blamed and how they were gonna fix the problem--not something you want to hear after racing back to avert a catastrophe.

"Ayyyyyy!"

"Schwoz!" Oh god, this was getting too much for the genius as the half an hour he'd had to play with was slashed to a few minutes, not enough time to think let alone do something amazing. And with the heroes back to join the confusion, the frayed tempers soon turned on them, causing the trio to look upon the scene with dazed expressions at how everything had fallen apart because of one small mistake.

"Where you guys been? Huh?"

"You guys forgot to take Whistlin' Susie with you!" Jasper and Charlotte snapped as the three rushed over to help or just add to the panic, anything really in the last few moments before the bomb went off. Okay, they did not mean to abandon ship and neither did they mean for Jasper to fuck up the disarmament process. Technically, it was only half their fault, the other half was on them.

"We know!" Jeez, they didn't need to rub it in. They'd been there, done that, said something and all at the side of a dusty road in the middle of nowhere.

"Uh...what's going on with her?" Henry asked worriedly as he peered inside the open cavity that was Susie and saw that all of her exposed wires and circuits seemed different to before. It was like she was a patient on the operating table and her condition was deteriorating because even though he was no surgeon or engineer, the kid knew that whatever those flashing lights and warning alarms were, they weren't a good sign.

"You see those little yellow things pulsating?" Schwoz pointed to the bomb's core that he'd extracted and his face morphed into a contorted screw of agony at how the radioactive material was ready to detonate. Sure he could remove it from the bomb but he couldn't stop the countdown, not now that Jasper had cut the wrong wire. Oh god, he didn't want to go out like this.

"Yeah, what about them?"

"Well, I'm no nuclear physicist but I'd say that the highly radioactive, highly dangerous core of the bomb is about to explode and most of us are about to die." (y/n) gulped, clutching her doofus' arm to her chest tightly. 

Her dear, sweet doofus, she'd come this close to finally being able to say that she'd won the lottery and her prize was having his last name replace hers. (y/n) Manchester...sounded nice, yet another fragment from a future that would never exist after this. Surely, super-regeneration wouldn't save her from being turned into jelly all over the walls--and what would become of her sweetheart once their family was gone?

"Uh..." And for once in his life, said sweetheart was speechless. No plans, no ideas, no smart ways to save his skin this time, so it was no wonder that his eyes lingered on his sweet girl with a heartbreaking gaze. 

He would become a shadow without her, a soulless husk of everything he used to be and he'd haunt the place where he and his family used to create such warm memories--the happier times he'd have to cling to just to bear his lonely existence. No one and nothing could ever what he had now and he felt the urge to just declare his stupid sentiments before it was too late until--

"Wait, wait, wait, so you're saying that those three little balls are the only part of the bomb that actually explodes?" Henry asked as he had the best, brightest idea of his life in their darkest moment. It was a stroke of genius born from pure desperation and if his theory was true, then he might have just found a way for them to stay as one happy family.

"Yes! Think of them as glowing, Swedish meatballs of mass destruction!" Schwoz exclaimed, although, no one would want to eat these meatballs, well, maybe one person would if Henry was right. He really hoped that he was right.

"...Dude, you gotta eat them!" 

"What?!" Ray looked at Henry and then the core and then Henry again like he couldn't believe his ears. Eat them? Was he crazy? He couldn't eat them, they were about to explode and they were highly dangerous and---oh. (y/n) got it. Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh shit. Smart kid. Smart fucking kid, how had she and Schwoz not thought of that? They were the smart ones and that was just brilliant, of course! Her doofus could stomach anything except sauerkraut--amazing.

"You gotta eat them! You gotta eat those tiny, little meatballs!"

"No!" Ray flat out refused, though. First of all, they didn't look very tasty and he only ate tasty things. Second of all, they looked quite hard to swallow and he didn't like choking, no matter how indestructible he was. And third of all, he might be dumb but he wasn't insane; there was no way he was gonna eat a bomb set to explode, that was just madness. However, Henry had a method in his madness, which was starting to become clear to everyone else.

"No, he's right! You're indestructible!" Charlotte exclaimed, figuring it out in her mind. The bombs would go off in there and everyone else would be safe because Ray's indestructible stomach would contain the bomb and the nuclear fallout. Sure, it would suck for him but he'd been doing the city the biggest favour ever and obviously, there was no greater service than saving your family from doom. God, Henry was smart.

"Oh my god, yes, yes, yes! That's perfect! The core will explode in your indestructible tummy!" (y/n) squealed and excitedly rubbed Ray's stomach just to prove that nothing could penetrate those indestructible abs of his and therefore, nothing could escape either. And whilst it would kill her to see him...implode, as long as she still got to see that godlike body afterwards with no mutations or anything, she was up for it. What else could they do?

"Sweet girl! I'm not gonna eat a bomb, okay? Forget it!" Ray snapped petulantly and pushed her hand away even though having it so close to his Adonis belt was...nice. But no, no, no, he was not gonna swallow three exploding meatball things, that sounded painful, stupid and dangerous, and for once in his life, Ray was gonna take the sensible option, even though for once in their lives, his friends wanted him to be reckless and foolish. Very well, if he was gonna say no, they would just have to deploy the big guns.

"Raymond..." (y/n) said in a sing-song voice as she carefully watched Ray stroll over to the abandoned TV so no one could see the fear in his eyes. It was okay to be scared, they were asking a lot of him and even if it was mean, they had a system to spur him into action, which started with egging him on. And with that, (y/n) nodded to Jasper, signalling his cue to start phase one, reeling him in with a small amount of peer pressure.

"Eat the bomb!" He chanted, putting a beat into each word so it was punchier because it was common knowledge that Ray Manchester loved a chant. Chants put pressure on him and they nearly always made him cave because it was a dare, a challenge to do something and he couldn't not do a challenge, that was cowardly. (y/n) used them to her advantage a lot, just like how he bribed her with ice cream and cuddles as motivation for five more situps. 

"Don't do that..."

"Eat the bomb!" Sure, Jasper was just one voice, but soon, despite his protests, they were all at it., no matter how many glares he sent them or how many times his eyes connected with his fiancé's in a silent plea.

"Stop that!"

"Eat the bomb!" "Eat the bomb!" "Eat the bomb!" "Eat the bomb!" Soon, Jasper was joined by Henry, causing Ray to fully turn around to see his friends ganging upon him, his sweet girl edging closer, although she would stay silent. She had her own mission to fulfil, one that allowed her to go in for the kill once her friends left him open for an attack in a satin skirt.

"Don't do that! No, come on!"

"Eat the bomb!" "Eat the bomb!" "Eat the bomb!" Soon, Charlotte was chanting too, her smile wide as (y/n) took another step forward. Ray couldn't help but feel like prey, especially when her smile turned into a devious smirk that pinned him in place. A temptress, a vixen, a seductress maybe and she was headed straight for him as the teens and then Schwoz mounted the pressure. He couldn't do this, but he also couldn't say no.

"Come on! You know I can't resist a chant!"

"Eat the bomb!"

"It's gonna feel really bad when it explodes inside my tummy! NO!" He whined, screwing his eyes shut and practically stamping his foot at how he was trapped with nowhere to go--literally. 

(y/n) had finally made it to her doofus and he gulped when her fingers trailed up his tunic, skimming along the silken fabric with a gentle curiosity that contrasted the crescendo of the chant. Her eyes were unreadable and he hated not knowing what she was thinking, particularly when he already felt so vulnerable to what his friends expected from him. 

"Eat the bomb!" "Eat the bomb!"

"Sweet girl! Come on!" He whimpered into her ear as she languidly stretched up to release a wave of hot air over his neck and run her lips over the shell of his ear. Phase two, make it worth his while. He couldn't be expected to go through the strain of having a bomb explode inside of him and not get a reward for it--something a bit more substantial than a crappy movie and a few pecks in between popcorn pieces. No, this had to be good, which was why (y/n) was the expert on-hand.

"Do this for me, baby, and later, I'll blow--" Her words were lost to the others as their chanting grew louder and louder, enough to drown out whatever she said for their ears, but Ray heard it. Oh, he definitely heard it and his tune quickly changed as he process the words. His eyes lit up and his moody frown turned into a smug smirk at the thought of his reward, which wouldn't just be undying admiration from his team, oh no. 

"Eat the bomb!"

"Come on---okay!" Yeah, that was more like it. How could he say no to their request when what was on offer was so much better than swallowing a few explosives. Piece of piss, no problem, easy for a guy like him, especially when all he could feel was his hot fiancée curling into his side, smirking up at him through her lashes. Could he get the reward first and do the bomb thing later? No, no, no, no pain, no gain.

"You wanna see me eat this bomb? You really wanna see me eat it?! 'Cause I'll eat it! I'll eat that bomb right now!" He boasted as they screamed in his ears, their hearts pounding as he extracted the chain of glowing balls from the capsule. Just three, that's all he needed to eat and as long as they kept goading him and (y/n) kept fluttering her eyelashes, everything was gonna be fine.

"Eat the bomb!"

"Maybe if you chant a little louder!? What? This bomb? You want me to eat this bomb?! Okay! Here we go!" Ray plucked the first sphere from the rack and egged on by his friends with one sultry look from his precious girl, he plonked it onto his tongue. Huh, kinda spicy yet sweet, interesting and surprisingly easy to swallow since they were kinda slimy in a way. Well, one down, two to go and after a brief cheer, Henry, (y/n), Jasper, Charlotte and Schwoz had plenty more chanting to go around.

"Come on!"

"Another one? Going for two! Numero dos!" Ray exclaimed and rammed the second orb into his mouth, swishing it around his cheeks before swallowing it whole. Still spicy, but perhaps that was just the chemicals or energy trying to burn his invulnerable palate. Well, the crowd certainly loved that once, judging by their screams and Ray had never felt more alive or loved as he grabbed the third and final ball from the core.

"Eat the bomb!"

"Here we go! Going for the turkey, baby! Down the gullet!" He cried and last but not least, the final explosive was shoved into his mouth, leaving them relieved, Ray victorious and (y/n) unbelievably proud of her selfless, courageous doofus. Oh, people could say what they'd liked about him but to her, he was nothing short of a hero. A big-headed, big-hearted hero who she would have the honour of calling her husband one day soon.

"Woo!" Ray grinned as the countdown reached zero and no sooner than it did, things started to heat up--literally. (y/n), stuck in her daydream of admiring her doofus in all his adorable glory, found herself being tugged back to a safe distance by Henry as a mysterious whistling noise filled the room, replacing the extinct chant. Oh yeah, 'cause the shitty, empty shell from the bomb was gonna protect them if something went wrong, not that it would because Ray was ready to blow.

"Oh, I get it. Whistlin' Susie. It whistles right before it's about to--gah!" The group jumped back as Ray's body was rocked by an explosion deep in his gut and instantly, they could feel the heat terminating from his body. It was like there was a volcano going off inside of him and they hated to think about the pain he was enduring as the atomic blobs fizzed and crackled in his abdomen--so much that his belly glowed like dying embers. 

The hero clutched the TV as he endured the agony, causing his friends to grimace as they watched; well, (y/n) was practically in tears, held back by only Henry's arms around her waist and Jasper's firm hand on her shoulder, a wise precaution since it was in her instincts to run to her lover as he suffered to save them all.

Finally, however, the rumbling heatwave ceased and the glow dissipated, rising gently to Ray's throat where the remnants of the bomb's fissile byproducts left his body in the form of a puff of smoke. And after that--nothing. The excruciating pain disappeared like it was nothing and as always, Ray came out the other side feeling like a champ. "I'm okay!"

"Yeah!" 

"You did it!"

"You saved us all!" His little family erupted into a series of screams of delight, cheers and growls at how it was over, everything was fine and their plan had worked so damn well. Ray was good, they were good and they all had a deep, newfound respect for the man because it took some balls to be able to do that; not many men could say they'd endured an internal nuclear blast, but he could. It was hard for (y/n) not to shed a tear...

"Oh, doofus, I love you so much!" She squealed and with Henry and Jasper releasing her from the grip, she shuffled forward to bring him into a loving embrace. Oh, good idea, yeah, the guy deserved a hug after all of that and whilst it was clearly a couple moment, Jasper saw no problem in celebrating together first. They could have their moment in a bit.

"Group hug!" He shouted, making (y/n) pause for just a fraction of a second because Schwoz, the little spoilsport, wasn't so big on the hugging thing and for a very good reason.

"Hugging would be a bad idea right now!" He exclaimed, making their feet stick to the floor as he shoved them all away from Ray. Who did he think he was? That was (y/n)'s doofus, he'd just saved their asses by doing the ballsiest move in the history of mankind and he was trying to say he didn't deserve a hug. Well, he'd have to get through her first; don't try to separate a (y/n) from her Ray, it doesn't end well.

"Why?" Ray asked innocently as he longed to feel his girl's embrace, well anyone's really, he wanted to enjoy the fact that he still had a family to love and be loved by. So, when they all started looking at him as if he'd grown a second head, he took it as rejection, and that broke his heart. But it really wasn't a good idea, not if they valued their hair, immune systems and life in general.

"Well...you're radioactive..." Schwoz replied nervously, gesturing to Ray's tummy, which wasn't having a good day. Thanks to the highly radioactive material that had exploded in his stomach, Ray's entire tummy was now faintly glowing green as the energy ionised the air around it, so much that it was still visible under the Man Cave's bright lights. 

Hugging him would surely be like having one hundred X-rays at once--bad news for anyone who got close enough without a metre of lead between them. Still, faint heart never won fair doofus'--or something to that effect.

"Oh..." He sounded so sad, and that broke their hearts to see him standing there, not knowing what to do with his arms since no one could go near him without the risk of getting radiation sickness. Well, there was one person, who was weighing up her options and she decided that her superpower was going to have meaning. (y/n) didn't need convincing, that was her fiancé, physics be damned, she would hold him close if she wanted to.

"Yeah, well, I'm full of bad ideas, so...come here, doofus. Hug me." The woman smiled warmly at Ray, whose sad eyes crinkled with happiness as she skipped towards him, fearless in the face of the green glimmers. Radiation came under the super-regeneration tick list, right? Yeah, whatever, either way, she encircled her arms around his waist and happily snuggled her face into his chest as he held her tightly. Death or not, this was worth it, feeling him curl over her and bury his nose into her hair was worth it, hearing him whisper was worth it.

"I love you too, sweet girl. So much." He mumbled, echoing what she'd said minutes before as they enjoyed the moment. The others would have to watch on and roll their eyes with mirth, they'd be fried the moment they came too close, but nothing could separate them, not even strange, invisible forces from weapons of mass destruction. 

And it could only get better.

~An hour later~

Oh, yeah, this was better. True to his word, Ray had decided that despite everything that had happened, the team were gonna sit down together and finally do some relaxing together and see the end of whatever this high school saga was about. The day was done, their mission was over, the city was safe--for now--and they should have been able to kick back and enjoy what little time they had together. Should being the operative word.

However, relaxing was nigh-on impossible for four out of six of the group, mainly because no one dared to talk about the proverbial elephant in the room. Oh yeah, one small couch, six people all shoved together with one of those six housing a mini-Chornobyl in his tummy like it was nothing. Seriously, this was a terrible idea.

Sure, they had to hand it to Ray, he had some balls, they'd never forget how he swallowed Susie's explosives and they'd be eternally grateful, just not when it came to being forced to sit next to him on the couch, their elbows coming so damn close to grazing his still illuminated abs.

In the dimmed lights of the main room, the reacting particles still hadn't stopped despite Schwoz saying it would go away eventually and they couldn't focus on anything but how dangerous it was, let alone be able to relax and enjoy the movie. No one could stop thinking about how it would be so much better if they just went home, but they couldn't disturb Ray's little paradise, not when he finally had what he'd craved all day. 

A movie in the background. His friends watching it, sort of. And, the final piece in the puzzle, his sweet girl cuddled into his side so he could press long, slow kisses to his lips whenever the plot was stalling. 

Oh, yeah, (y/n) felt fine despite how she was caked in gamma rays and god knows what else, and as such, had no trouble getting all cosy with his doofus, rather, she was making up the deficit of her friends' blatant fear that they'd be irradiated. She cuddled, snuggled, kissed, pecked and dozed in soft satisfaction that she had her doofus in one piece next to her, if only the coconut and teens were so brave...

Occasionally, Ray felt his tummy rumble from the scientific melting pot that was going on down there. Therefore, he was prone to the odd burp or hiccup that was a little too worrying for Henry, who just so happened to be next to (y/n), who also just so happened to be half-sat on Ray. And that meant that the kid was just a little too close for comfort and so was Jasper, Schwoz and Charlotte, in fact, they just couldn't help but shuffle along the couch until they were hanging off of the edge. Anything to avoid Ray and his...problem.

"Cowards..." The hero muttered as he and his fiancé watched them move out of the corners of their eyes and whilst he was a little salty about that, he could tolerate it. He wouldn't be like this forever, after all, what goes in must come out and all that, and he already had everything he need in his lap right now. His darling, precious, girl, wearing that fucking gorgeous skirt and edging her way closer and closer to his body without any fear of what might happen. That's his girl, sleepily smiling up at him as she pressed kisses to his neck.

"When do you want your reward, doof?" (y/n) muttered into his skin as she trailed her fingers up and down his arm. This movie was pointless, obsolete, and not worthy of her attention when she had a hero to admire instead. Those teens on the screen could have their petty school squabbles about who was taking who to the prom, she much preferred to feel him shiver and tense underneath her--unbreakable steel that bent for her touch only.

"I'm ready when you are, sweet girl," he replied softly, feeling her lips ghost up and over his jaw, gliding across his chin until they grazed his, an empty kiss that left him unsure of what he wanted. Should he kiss her now or wait until he suddenly dragged her through the sprocket?---a welcome departure for the rest on the couch.

"Then allow me to lead the way, my love." And oh...he'd follow her anywhere, especially in that skirt.