#I would kill/die for Di-er

[theimpurelily]

I adore Di-er and his little smiley faces from @k0mmari fic Endless Abyss Travel Guide

everyone plz go read it!

got inspired for the color palette from k0mmari's amazing art (warning spoilers)

[visenyaism]

hearing about the great bastards ocs as someone who doesnt know that part of westeros history is so funny... who is dae2mon... who is anus blackfyre

Okay so. There’s this king Aegon “The Unworthy” the 4th (ae4gon if you don’t have time) and because he was just kind of born under a bad sign he was the wooooooooorst guy ever like comically terrible recreationally cruel misanthropic turbohedonist. Just fucking disrespectful. He didn’t have an evil plan or anything. He was just kind of using his power to antagonize everyone he disliked enrich himself and also have one million mistresses.

He had two siblings who were the exact opposite of him and that his sister and brother were both the most neurotic westerosi tradcaths. Ae4gon hated his brother Aemon (lame ass knight who died in his service, despite despising him, which was kind of dickrider behavior )and used his sister Naerys (baby-bird-victim-wannabe-nun) who he also had to marry as a weapon against him because he knew they liked each other so he would just kind of be awful to her as a way to get into his brother‘s mind. Ae4gon and Naerys had two children who survived to adulthood the important one to this story is Daeron, who was by all accounts kind of a nerd he like was chubby and liked to read books and think about his decisions before he made them.

But Ae4gon also had his aforementioned like 1 billion mistresses and he had kids with all of them. Those kids are called great bastards these are the ocs. The most important canon ones are Bittersteel who’s the bracken one he’s like 7 foot eight and fucking belligerent and then there’s Bloodraven who’s the Blackwood one and he’s an evil twink who invented the surveillance state using bird blood magic and also only has one eye because Bittersteel ate it during a duel. i���m getting ahead of myself. There’s also Shiera who had two different color eyes and was the most prettiest princess in the party and also maybe a blood witch? she was trying to challengers Bloodraven and Bittersteel a little bit but ended up hooking up with Bloodraven more until she left him? who knows.

However, the most important bastard child of all was Daemon “Daemy B” Blackfyre. His mom was a Targaryen Princess who should have been the queen except misogyny did win the war on misogyny during the dance of the dragons so she wasn’t. Daemy B was a bastard, but he was his dad‘s favorite because he was masc and had an eight pack and a magic sword he was named after called blackfyre, which was Valyrian steel. Ae4gon gave it to him instead of Daeron, his legitimate heir.

One day Ae4gon got bored and decided that he was gonna declare Daeron the illegitimate child of his two siblings, cause he didn’t like him. this successfully killed off both of his siblings (don’t worry about it) and made Daemy B a more likely contender for the crown. And then another day Ae4gon got bored again and decided that not only was he going to die, but on his way out, he was actually going to retroactively legitimize every single one of his thousand bastard children so they could start a realm destroying civil war because fuck the world.

For a while, no one started around destroying civil war, but then about 12 years passed and Bittersteel with his bracken treachery, convinces Daemy B to make a go for the throne because he was way hotter and sword-er than his brother. Every single one of the Blackfyre allies is like the evil league of evil it’s Brackens it’s Peakes it’s Toynes I know there would be Coles there probably. it’s also racists because Daeron had a Dornish Martell wife because he negotiate a peace treaty to bring Dorne into the realm through marriage and alliances, instead of just trying to kill them all again and some did not like this.

However, Daemy B forgot to consider that having the Brackens on his side meant that he would LOSE. and they had a big battle at the end of the first rebellion where Daemy B gets shot and dies because of Bloodraven and Shiera inventing heat-seeking weirwood missiles. Bittersteel cuts out Bloodraven’s eye and then takes Daemy B’s like one billion kids he had with his wife and flees to essos.

However, (man I introduced the thread of this guy having a lot of kids too late) anyway, Daemy B has a lot of kids and those kids about once every 20 minutes decides they’re gonna do a Blackfyre Rebellion cause maybe it’ll work this time.

One of those kids is Daemon II Blackfyre (Dae2mon), who is the Mystery Knight in the Dunk and Egg Novella in the Mystery Knight. He is a melancholic twink who loves to play the fiddle and is constantly haunted by his prophetic dreams. He says I dreamed of you. He hits on Dunk who is too stupid to clock it. He goes over to Westeros to start another Blackfyre rebellion, which is contingent on winning a tourney and hatching a dragon egg but it doesn’t work because Bloodraven did invent the modern surveillance state using bird blood magic and thus identifies it instantly thwarts the whole thing and takes Dae2mon hostage he’s like the court gay false prophet purse dog for a while and then he dies mysteriously. He’s my favorite for being Renly Baratheon.

This pattern of Blackfyres coming over trying to start a rebellion and getting Bloodraven nuked from orbit continues until there is a great council because the king has no heirs. And Bloodraven invites Aenys Blackfyre, the current Blackfyre, over to westeros to be like okay we will hear you out. This is JUST an excuse to kill his ass. However in a twist of fate WOKE EGG becomes the king at the council and is like Bloodraven you canttttttttt actually just invite people to my house to kill them. That was my cousin I did not like that you🫵 are going to the wall🙂‍↕️. And woke egg sends Bloodraven to the wall. Bloodraven gets himself elected lord commander and then deserts to go be a tree. The end. Sort of.

[hibiscusseaart]

Had a dream today and I'm evolving it as I go here

The main idea that Rin didn't die when she tried to unalive herself by Kakashi's hand, but Obito was already traumatized and got in with Madara's Moon Eye plan. So yada-yada, she's the jinchuriki of Sanbi. BUT the difference was that she decided to come out of the closet (a real tight one cuz of her clan but she almost just DIED what to regret now) that she's actually a guy. So FTM Rin guys. Rin is he/him from now on.

He wouldn't change his personality and crush on Kakashi much. Dude is a medic, have you met medics? My extended family has a lot of medics in ER and other and let me tell you, they're ruthless and give 0 fucks.

Oh and since he's a medic he has top notch access to remove his own boobs and change his hormones fucking manually.

I think he would rethink his crush on Kakashi, like, man, he's a loser, plus it's hard to crush on someone who you thought killed you (even tho you made him) AND Kakashi has doomed love with 'dead' Obito and it's a bummer.

Idk about his name tho, he probably would change it just to, unknowingly, create more confusion for poor Obito, who is SURE that Rin is dead-dead and fucking Konoha didn't even made a grave for her and Kakashi doesn't even VISIT.

Madara and Zetsu obviously don't tell him about his development. They don't need him to have a hope in this world again.

Kakashi is just glad that he didn't kill his teammate and maybe they connect better since "Rin" (listen i NEED a name for him, but i have 0 ideas about meaning or what ever. maybe he'd take something to honor Obito's memory?) doesn't crush on him anymore and maybe he's trans too?? idk about it yet but he might act warmer to "Rin" now.

So Obito is just confused, like WHO is this dude from Nohara clan who is now with Kakashi ALL the time (they're still best friends). He doesn't connect that this brown haired (!) medic (!!) from Nohara clan (!!!) with the same marks (!!!) same age as them (!!!!!) might be Rin. like no, nope, Rin a nice gentle lady, not this smoking dude who yells at Kakashi and curses at him cuz he run away from hospital again.

So yeah Obito is just not impressed. But intrigued. And jealous. He stalks Kakashi AND this guy all the time. May develop a crush on both, cuz "Rin" is still the same at his core.

Kakashi would still go in ANBU cuz Minato asked him (still not sure about it, like yeah lets put deeply traumatized 13 yo in assasin squad good job) and stuff.

So idk how canon would go from there, like i doubt that Minato would let 14 yo jinchuriki near another one at this tense situation, even tho "Rin" could've help.

So yeah Kushiha and Minato die, "Rin" barely holds onto the Sanbi but Obito finds out that the guy is holding them. He doesn't connects the dots. Or he does? His mind just CAN'T hold on to the fact that his Rin MIGHT survived.

But maybe "Rin" was closer to the place where they sealed Kuubi in Naruto (maybe he ran there cuz there's Kuubi rampaging and he HAS to help) so Minato entrusted Naruto to him, not to fucking Sandaime.

So yeah, now "Rin" is Naruto's legal dad at the age of 14 and no one can fucking take him away cuz a) it was Minato's dying wish; and b) just fucking TRY to peer "Rin" away from Naruto, you'll get your hand bitten off and NO arguments work, cuz "Rin", who was trained by Kushina in jinchuriki stuff, can make some sort of turtle shield and he hides in it with his new baby and no one can do anything.

And no one can protect baby jinchuriki better than the other jinchuriki so it's fine. Everyone just accepts it.

(Isobu laughs at Kurama cuz haha im the older sibling now :))

Naruto is bullied less but I think no one can tell him about his parents cuz Sandaime sucks ass. But "Rin" drops HUGE hints cuz he hates Sandaime now too. Like no shit Tsunade left.

Idk what would happen with Obito if he finds out about "Rin's" identity. he'd come back crawling and crying probably. Maybe try to kidnap him and cry more in Kamui.

update: added sketch

[daycourtofficial]

Are we getting a Caramel Cookie Pumpkin Spice latte???? 👀👀👀👀

I am actually so glad you asked for this because I had started something in my drafts for this!!

Order your own coffee for gingerfucker week from the menu here

Caramel and pumpkin spice latte with a cookie = gingerfucker + Eris + fluff with extra banter

Eris’s body relaxed into the soft mattress, the sheets seemingly molding a perfect dip for him. Sleep found Eris much easier these days, the familiar comfort of his mate’s body made his body relax so easily it almost terrified him.

Was this how everyone else slept? In his younger years, it seemed he spent hours each night staring at his ceiling, hoping for its collapse to grant him some rest. Sleeping had always felt too vulnerable for him, his body never quite stilling long enough.

Hia eyes closed so easily, an arm draped around his waist. His breathing slowed.

“Er?” A soft shaking woke him up, his eyes not opening but his eyebrows moving up. His name was met with something between a groan and an acknowledgement, something he knew she wouldn’t be bothered by. With the grogginess of his sleep laddened mind, he hoped the question wouldn’t require too much thinking to stir him from this half-sleep existence.

“You know I wouldn’t actually get married again, right?”

His mind flashed to an earlier conversation, one about how his mate’s next husband will surely be both well endowed and capable of making the chocolate cake she loves so dearly from her home in the Night Court. It was a silly statement, one he balked at as he told her no matter how well-endowed he may be, she’d always think of him when with her next husband.

“If this is a ploy to get me to allow you to marry Lucien….”

“No.” Her voice left a pause, one Eris tried desperately to stay awake to hear the rest of. “But you’re it for me. I don’t care how blessed any male has been, he’s not you.”

“Thank you, my dear. It was eating me to alive to consider you would forego widow status for a large cock.”

“I’m serious, Er.”

“As am I. If you remarry, I’d never allow him to be buried in our plot.”

This conversation was a bit ridiculous for the hour,

“We have a burial plot?”

“Of course. You’ll lay next to me for eternity and there is no room for a second husband.”

“Can we hold hands?”

Eris reached back, his hand searching to entangle in hers, “not now! I mean when we’re dead.”

“We can do whatever you wish. You may have to decide soon. I may die from lack of sleep.”

The room was silent, his mate’s breath in his ear steadying him. Despite her objections, she held a tight grip on his hand.

“If I died first, I would kill you if you married someone else.”

“Of course, mhm.”

“There’d be no room in the house for them. The closet’s full and there would be nowhere for them to stay.”

The house was large enough for several families to occupy, a fact Eris kept to himself. The sounds from Eris were slurred with sleep, but the arms around him tightened.

“Er?”

“Mhmmm?”

“I love you.” She left a soft kiss to his back before burying her dace between his shoulder blades.

“I love you too, my first and only wife.”

[demonslayerunhinged]

Unhinged analysis

Why is Sanemi so aggro? (Part 2)

This section is mostly from a class/economic standpoint and doesn't really focus on the demon attack on his family. It is also not only based on my little understanding based on the research I did about poverty and class in Edo/Late Meiji Japan but also based on my experiences as someone who grew up poverty-er-adjacent.

This blog here has an article that does a deep dive into Sanemi based on Japanese culture and history. Their work was what inspired me to do a deeper dive into Sanemi's poor backgoround. It's in Japanese but the translations are so worth it, and they have writeups on other characters!

Now lets get to it, this is post is going to be very long and very sappy, be warned.

His Background

We all know that Sanemi grew up poor, but it's poor in a way that's different from the other characters. We can attribute Gyomei's poverty to his religious faith in a way, Tanjiro and Muichiro are more modest than actually poor - at least they own their houses. The Shinazugawas had a shitty landlord whose son made fun of them for being 'the poor people with too many kids', they lived in these rundown, face-to-face, the-neighbors-know-all-your-business row houses.

Sanemi grew up in the slums with a population of citizens who were essentially 'left behind' during the rise of urbanization and industrialization. These citizens not only had to deal with characterizations that portray them as being ignorant, uneducated, boorish, dirty, aggressive, mannerless and ignorant, but also with being preyed upon by greedy landlords, merchants and businessmen. The government weren't of much help either because they would rather put in efforts into removing them as far as possible from the modern cities, away from the eyes of foreigners.

In my experience, slum dwellers rarely if ever rise above their station in life. Their lack of education and exposure prevents them from making a better life for themselves and even if they do move to the city, they are stuck doing menial or manual labor jobs with shitty pay. They spend their entire lives in perpetual poverty no matter how hard they work and how many jobs they take because they're ultimately fighting a system that has not only abandoned them but also creates policies that prevent them from moving higher in life.

Due to these frustrations, a lot of them take up gambling and drinking alcohol to cope with their sorrows. Frustrations with the system and with their situations lead to a lot of them taking up gambling and developing alcoholism to cope. There is also high rate of violence among them, especially domestic violence as heads of households who were usually the ones to go out into the world and deal with the discrimination and struggles while trying to pursue low class jobs would take out their anger on their wives and ultimately children. The children who grow up in this environment, where violence is all they know would eventually go on to become abusers themselves when they start families of their own, that is, if they don't die of illness or are killed before that.

You can read more about it here, here, here, here and here.

We can see that with Sanemi's dad, the piece of shit who took out all his anger and frustrations on his wife and children before ultimately becoming a victim of violence himself.

After his death, we see Sanemi having to take up the responsibility of taking care of the family as was culturally expected of the firstborn and the oldest boy - similar to Tanjiro. When Sanemi's dad died, he had to take up a job to take care of the family. In the scene where he talks with Genya about their dad's death and their promise to take care of their mother and siblings, we can see that Sanemi is pulling a rickshaw.

Rickshaw pullers were among the lowest classes of manual labor, they were referred to sometimes as 'Human horses' and while they were mostly known for transporting people, they were also hired by merchants and regular people to transport goods as well. We're not told of the work his mother did before she turned into a demon, but she might have been a domestic worker or a waitress of some sort. It's not hard to imagine that there were times when the kids had to go hungry.

So what's the point of all this story? Well because children who come from these backgrounds are not only often violent and aggressive in their language, conduct and personality but even if they do manage to make it to adulthood and by some miracle manage to break through the class barrier they often come out of the other side with a MASSIVE inferiority complex.

And our dear boy Sanemi has one, big time.

Now that we've talked about his background, let's talk about how all this contributes to his....

Relationships

In the fandom, the main complaints about Sanemi is his behavior towards Giyuu, Tanjiro, the demon slayer trainees and Genya, so I'm going to focus on just these.

Giyuu

Like I've mentioned before @roseameilatempest already posted a great write-up about Sanemi and his complicated relationship with Giyuu, so I'm just adding to it.

The two main things that create friction in their relationship, aside from Giyuu's inability to communicate are Sanemi's low self-esteem and his aggressive personality. The low self-esteem really showed itself when he questioned Giyuu at the Hashira meeting about his 'I'm not like you guys attitude'.

In this scene he asks

Which is a really interesting question because of all the Hashiras he's the only one who voices this sentiment. Obanai just talks about Giyuu wanting to get ahead, Shinobu just asks him to explain himself, Muichiro doesn't really care, but there's the thing about being the baby of the group so he may not want to butt-in to the 'adult' matters. Gyomei is praying.

Sanemi's the only one who stands up and confronts Giyuu about the matter but given his background as previously discussed it's almost as if he's asking "Are you looking down on me?".

From the little we know of Giyuu's backstory, he didn't grow up in poverty. After his family died, he went to go live with relatives before making the decision to leave and join the corps. He has fair skin and soft looking features in contrast to Sanemi's rough, scarred ones. He has slim, delicate-looking hands with piano-playing fingers compared to Sanemi large, knobby, rough-looking hands with early-onset-arthritis-ass fingers.

Even his conduct has a certain air of class to it. So when Giyuu says stuff like 'I'm not like other girls-I mean Hashira', the inferiority complex part of Sanemi is triggered, and he takes it as an attack on him thinking that Giyuu is looking down on him because of his poor background and his class.

But Sanemi deep down cares, even if he doesn't realize it. Instead of dismissing Giyuu as just being a dick, he tries to get an answer, an explanation, but because of his rough way of speaking and his aggressive personality it comes out confrontational. He doesn't know how to express himself in a non-aggressive way because nobody ever taught him how.

Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤)

Ah yes, Sanemi's BFF. I'm honestly surprised that some people don't understand why Sanemi does not vibe with Tanjiro. Tanjiro embarrassed him in their first meeting, only to escape the consequences for his actions because of the Master's benevolence. He questioned his worth as a Hashira which, as mentioned in the previous post, is the core of Sanemi's identity.

In their second encounter, Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) talked back to him. Now, despite all the wacky and interesting characters, the fancy mods to their uniform with the haoris and stuff, the Demon Slayers Corps are still a military organization. They have a hierarchy, they have rules and punishments for those who break them and within the context of the military and cultural values: You don't talk back to your superiors, you don't disrespect them and you most certainly don't embarrass them no matter how in the right you feel you are. It's not fair, it just is. Some superiors may tolerate it like Tengen, Giyuu, Mitsuri and Shinobu but others, like Sanemi, Gyomei, Obanai and even Muichiro will not.

I mean, even Mitsuri complained about Genya's behavior when she first met him, even though his actions were because of him being shy.

The first time Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) disrespected Sanemi, he was on neutral ground, the Master's mansion. Kagaya is a saint, so he understood Tanjiro's actions, but remember he also chided Tanjiro a bit, even if it was in a soft manner. Now in this second encounter, He's in Sanemi's house, in his domain, and you can't come about here disrespecting your senior in their own house. And If you do, be prepared to face the consequences.

Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) then embarrassed Sanemi again by (rightfully) calling him out on his shitty behavior towards Genya, in public, in front of his other subordinates. He then proceeds to not only block Sanemi's punch but to counter it with an embarrassing kick to the neck, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE SCRUBS! Like what? In some organizations, you could be penalized and immediately kicked out, but like I said, Kagaya is a saint.

That's why Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) was given the reprimand and Sanemi wasn't. Because he was in the wrong.

The concept may seem foreign to people who grew up in the west, but for those of us from home countries that have rigid power and class structures, we know this pain all too well.

That's why you talk and complain about your superiors BEHIND their backs, like Zenitsu does.

I swear, Zenitsu is probably the realest character in the series, I love him so much 😂.

Then in the last encounter they had, Tanjiro embarrassed Sanemi again, but this time it's worse because he did it RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS CRUSH!

Your senior's business is not your business, if you see them fighting, it's best just to leave them alone and pray it's the one you hate that gets his ass kicked.

So here's Sanemi trying to communicate with his crush, and he's about to get to the part where they get to put their hands on each other ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Then Tanjiro comes up and gets between them, ignoring the restraining order and then asking if they were fighting over ohagi.

He then reveals Sanemi's biggest secret: That he's gay-I-mean-er likes ohagi. Neither Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) nor Giyuu see any problem with this because soft boys but for a tough, scary man like Sanemi this is a problem. He's a man, he shouldn't be taking sweets! (which is like a real thing in Japan, so i learned. You can read about it here, here, here and here), also Sanemi loves ohagi becuase his mom used to make it; men shouldn't be thinking about their mommies! Men should be tough and only eat manly things like raw bull testicles and cement!

Then Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) drives the knife even further by asking him about his ohagi preferences, while Giyuu (who unknown to Sanemi is glad to have found an opportunity to rizz him up) asks him to confirm but in Sanemi's mind he thinks Giyuu is making fun of him too.

So Tanjiro has, so far, called him a shitty Hashira, a shitty brother, and now a shitty man. All he wanted to do was smash and now he's getting pressed by a 16 year old. So yea, our boy is going to react in the only way he knows how - by giving Tanjiro a swift clock to the jaw.

At this point, you've gotta pity Sanemi, he's the real victim in this relationship. But let's move on.

The Trainees

This is another complaint that also confuses me because the answer is so obvious. Why is Sanemi hard on the trainees?

Because Sanemi's training is Infinite Strikes! Because his training is supposed to be hard! Because they're at war! Because Muzan might be coming soon! Because this is a military training! Because the Hashiras are basically Drill Sergeants! Because Sanemi says fuck you!

But seriously, I don't understand why Sanemi and Obanai are getting hate for their training methods when Tengen's was just as harsh, Mitsuri was basically ending family bloodlines, Muichiro deadass was about to sashimi someone's child.

And Gyomei? Gyomei's training basically qualifies as torture by the Geneva convention laws. You see these guys below? These boys are all dead! Dead, i tell you! You can't convince me otherwise!

Even Inosuke died!

The training is meant to be harsh because it's not just the trainees lives at stake, it's the people of Japan, it's the lives of their friends, families and loved ones. The Hashiras know this and Sanemi whose whole life revolves around being a demon slayer and killer, especially knows this.

He and Obanai don't have the luxury of sending the junior slayers back for their protection like they did in the mansion. Like we saw in the last episode of the season, Muzan came after everyone not just the Hashira. Despite his rough and harsh exterior, Sanemi actually cares about his colleagues and his subordinates and he doesn't want them to die needlessly. If that means he has to be the 'bad' Hashira, then that's fine with him.

Genya

There's no justification for the shit he pulled trying to poke Genya's eyes out. I've made like two posts regarding this before about how his actions were not only stupid but will ultimately be pointless because Genya is amazing!

Aside from wanting to keep Genya safe (whatever that means), I think one of the reasons Sanemi doesn't want to come in contact with Genya is because when he's around Genya he's reminded of the past and trauma that he's trying to repress. I don't think it was a random choice that older Genya is dressed in a way almost similar to baby Genya. So everytime Sanemi sees him, despite Genya's size and the awesome things he's done, all he can see is that little boy that he almost failed to protect, that called him a monster, that rejected him and seeing that reopens that old core wound. That he's a monster.

Sanemi isn't ready to face all that, so with the little understanding of his own emotions and the trappings of toxic masculinity, he pushes Genya away becuase doing so is way, way, way easier than talking to his brother. It's easier than revealing to Genya that Genya's words did hurt him, that he failed to protect their mom and siblings and that maybe Genya is right, he is a monster, that even though he saved Genya it doesn't change the fact that he used his very hands to kill the only person that loved and protected them in this world.

I think a lot of people really underestimate the gravity of what baby Sanemi did. Tanjiro couldn't kill Nezuko and I'm sure he himself would've rather died than raise a hand to his loved ones but Tanjiro was lucky in a sick way because Nezuko was not only the only survivor but encountered Giyuu who who gave him the opportunity to save Nezuko, essentially giving her a second life. Sanemi never had that chance. In order to protect his brother, he had to kill his beloved mother, and you can just imagine the amount of damage that can do to a child's psyche.

I read a comment on Youtube that said this was probably the reason why Sanemi was so feverently against the Master's defence of Nezuko and that when Nezuko rejected his blood, his whole worldview must have shattered because if Nezuko was able to overcome her demonic urges and still maintain her sanity, why couldn't his beloved mother?

But you might ask, how come Genya seems fine? Well, he wasn't at first, he was basically Sanemi 2.0 but he was able to make peace with himself, escape the trappings of toxic masculinity and the violence that they were raised in. Instead of bottling up his emotions, he wants to reach out, to apologize for his behavior, to mend their brotherhood because no matter how Sanemi is now, no matter how many times he tells him to get lost, no matter the harsh words he throws at him, to Genya he'll always be his Aniki.

The same Aniki who's been looking out for him, the same Aniki that sought him out and comforted him after he punched the landlord's shitty son, the same Aniki who gave him a piggyback ride despite them practically being the same height just to make Genya feel happy and loved, the same Aniki who let out that brilliant laugh after they made the promise to protect their family as he pulled the Rickshaw to make some money for the family, the same Aniki who is the sweetest, kindest person in the whole world.

While we see the rough, scarred, aggressive and scary Sanemi, Genya only sees this:

I'm sure a lot of us know what it's like to be angry, to lash out, to push people away and how difficult it is go through life in a world that doesn't care about you or your trauma. We know what it's like to be left behind and forgotten. We wander aimlessly through life hurting with a feeling of emptiness and we don't even know why. Some of us overcome, some of us don't. We just make do with the tools and little resources we have and Sanemi is a painful reminder of that.

In Conclusion, Sanemi is a complex character. He's not all star good, he's a dick, some of his actions are straightup unhinged, but that's what makes him human. He's not perfect, and for us to appreciate this character we have to accept him in all his wild, raging, scarred, petty-ass, little-brother-eye-poking, women's-size-7-feet-having, ohagi-loving glory.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if Harry did kill Draco in the bathroom? (other than malfoy wealth getting bagged by ministry, supposedly)

Mostly nothing.

Specifically, What Happens?

Snape, who comes rushing in when Myrtle starts screaming murder, immediately starts to work trying to save Draco and kicks Harry out. Harry walks out in a daze, as he did in canon, and everything's the same--except that Draco doesn't make it.

Harry, panicking, wonders what's going to happen to him now. Will he be put on trial? Is he a murderer? But he didn't mean it and he didn't know what, specifically, that spell did. Draco had just cast an unforgivable at Harry and Harry had unthinkingly used a spell 'for enemies' whose exact effects he didn't know.

I imagine Harry confesses to Ron and Hermione, and while they're both sympathetic and don't blame him... Hermione can't help her "I told you so" moment where she had told him, months ago, that he shouldn't have been using spells in a book written by a malcontent whose effects he didn't fully know himself. And it turns out she was right, and Harry has now used Dark Magic to murder Draco Malfoy.

Harry waits on pins and needles and is called into Dumbledore's office. I imagine it's just him and Dumbledore, while Snape would love to be present, I imagine Dumbledore says no as it would only... aggravate things.

Dumbledore tells Harry that they're going to cover this up to the Ministry.

This was an accident, a horrible accident, and as far as the outside world is concerned, Draco died via some horrible unintended accident and Harry had nothing to do with it.

Harry has mixed feelings about this, as that's not what happened, but is guiltily relieved that this won't be taken to the Ministry.

Dumbledore assuages this by reminding him that it was an accident. It was a heated duel that shouldn't have happened, but duels do happen between boys. Draco had cast an unforgivable first, Harry had panicked and reached into his arsenal for something more than disarming spells. Yes, Harry shouldn't have used that spell, especially not knowing what it did, but he didn't intend for Draco to die. This was hardly a calculated murder.

The events are simply... unfortunate.

"But what about Myrtle?" Harry asks, as Myrtle had immediately alerted the entire fucking school that Harry had been the one responsible.

Dumbledore has had a word with Myrtle, and as for everyone else, they only have the word of a ghost who is... how shall we say "not known for being particularly reliable". Right now, this is just a rumor, the only real witness is Snape who has been given instructions to say absolutely nothing.

Now, Harry blows his lid at that because you can't trust Snape at all, but Dumbledore tells him to shut the fuck up, Harry, you just killed a boy.

Also, Dumbledore sure hopes Harry didn't tell Ron and Hermione. Oh, you did? Immediately? Well, they won't tell anyone.

Point is, Harry, that Myrtle's immediately changed her story and is now saying she was being "dramatic", no one witnessed it, and this will just be a dumb rumor that no one can ever prove. All Harry has to do is say he was not there (and why would he be in the empty Myrtle bathroom right then anyway?) and no one will ever know.

But shouldn't Harry tell people what happened? It's true he didn't mean it, and that he's innocent of intending murder, but shouldn't he tell everyone?

Dumbledore gives Harry a whole speech on "sometimes, you do a very bad thing, after doing a series of very bad things, and somebody dies, and it might have even been you who killed your sister er Draco, then what you have to do is live the rest of your life knowing this and never tell a fucking soul."

Harry's still very :/ about this but then Dumbledore reminds him "Harry, you have shit to do". Harry has to defeat Voldemort, sending Harry to Azkaban for an unintended death, tragic as it is, is only a boon to Voldemort and the Death Eaters. It accomplishes nothing. Moreover, no one wants the Boy Who Lived to have murdered a young boy in Hogwarts. Like it or not, Harry, you're a symbol and right now the hope of the wizarding world rests on your head. If Harry Potter murdered a boy, then the wizarding world will lose everything they ever held hope in and the war will have been lost before it could even begin.

Harry's punishment will be having to live with this for the rest of his life.

This also sets Harry off again, as this is more or less what Scrimgeour told him a few months prior: that Harry, as a symbol, owes it to the people to bolster their spirits through propaganda. Harry doesn't want to be a symbol! He isn't a symbol!

And here Dumbledore has to admit what he... really... didn't want to. Harry, he knew Draco was trying to assassinate him. Cue Harry's shocked Pikachu face. But Dumbledore admits he's been fully aware of every single attempt Draco has ever made, but did not intervene because to do so would be to have Draco and his family executed by the Dark Lord. Dumbledore was hoping Draco would come to Dumbledore of his own accord for protection for him and his mother. Now, because of this... a few... students... may have been hurt and now Draco himself is dead in an entirely preventable manner.

But why didn't he tell Harry?!

Really wasn't your fucking business, Harry.

But if Harry had known--

Harry, you would have either a) acted extremely suspicious as you suddenly stopped harassing Draco out of nowhere for no reason or b) crowed to the rooftops that Draco really is a Death Eater and caused him to become even more desperate.

Harry has now completely forgotten that propaganda bit and is livid that, yet again, Dumbledore didn't fucking trust him with anything and this is just his fifth year all over again. And every time he tried to tell Dumbledore that something was wrong, Dumbledore was internally laughing in his face.

And here, Harry had been so anxious and horrified, when it turns out he'd just killed a fucking Death Eater. Just like he'd thought.

(Dumbledore acknowledges this pep talk could be going better...)

Regardless, with a final, "er, don't do anything stupid and I hope you've understood all of this", Dumbledore sends him back to bed and tells him all will be well.

After the Meeting

And all is...

Not well.

It's true, the Ministry doesn't come for him. The Prophet releases an article that Draco Malfoy suffered a horrible fatal accident, he was eaten by--plants! Evil plants! That's why his face is so cut up (and I imagine new damage was done to the body, by a very pissed off Snape, who now has to cover for fucking Harry Potter's murders).

Harry realizes that everyone fully suspects him of the murder, and they're clearly avoiding him, but no one's accusing him outright. But this is more or less what happened in canon when Draco had only been attacked.

Harry's very pissed about this, and probably has come around to believing "well, it wasn't intentional, and he might as well have been eaten by plants, and he was a Death Eater anyway, so I did no wrong". Though he agrees the book was bad idea.

As a result--

Harry probably still ends up in his Ginny fling.

He's also invited Horcrux hunting, with the same result, only the key difference here is that Draco hasn't let Death Eaters into the castle. The wardrobe was never finished and Rosmerta is no longer under the Imperius.

So, Harry reluctantly instead has to take Dumbledore to Snape, and he's very upset about this as Snape also, clearly, knew what Draco was up to the entire time and Harry still doesn't trust him even if Dumbledore thinks he was giving him everything.

"I'm dying again, tee-hee" Dumbledore says to Snape, and Snape just looks at Harry and--on the one hand, Dumbledore probably did this to himself, on the other hand, how big is Harry's body count going to become.

Snape throws Harry out of his office.

Now, what happens next depends how lethal that green juice really was.

If Snape knows Dumbledore's organs are melting and there's nothing he can do to stop it, then Snape's got a problem. See, Dumbledore wants the wand to pass on to someone unexpected. Specifically, he wanted it to go to Draco, with Snape taking the fall. Well, Draco's dead. On the other hand, if Snape just lets Dumbledore die of poison... does Voldemort get the wand because he brewed it and placed it there? Snape, in that case, hating everything, has to kill Dumbledore himself and then come out "woops, he died of poison", with Harry immediately suspecting (rightly so) that Snape killed him and telling the entire fucking castle "SNAPE KILLED DUMBLEDORE", even though Snape's been covering for his sorry ass for weeks. The difference being that this time, Snape's cover isn't blown so he just sits there and takes it.

(Another irony being that Harry was the one who went out with Dumbledore under mysterious circumstances, where Dumbledore returned clearly poisoned, and now it sounds like he's shifting the blame onto someone else after Harry is already rumored to have brutally killed Draco Malfoy.

But this was also in canon, as Harry was shocked and appalled that, a few weeks later, Harry was being openly suspected and to be arrested for the murder of Albus Dumbledore.)

If Dumbledore survives--I imagine he's even more cursed looking than before, and is very sad as he thinks about all the Horcruxes left to go. "Dumbledore, do you want to put a more effective plan in action and actually tell anyone anything?" No. No, he doesn't. He's just going to continue to pretend he's going to live forever (and Voldemort, I imagine, finds this too hilarious to do anything about. This sad old man just keeps getting more and more feeble with every passing day. What happened to "death is the next great adventure?")

Deathly Hallows and Beyond

If Dumbledore dies, then Deathly Hallows likely still happens relatively unchanged. Harry breaks things off with Ginny, decides Snape is the devil, and realizes that he has to leave Hogwarts to hunt Horcruxes. Ron and Hermione offer to go with him.

Snape still feeds him information, but has a much easier time of it as the Order doesn't think he's a traitor for all Harry keeps shouting it from the rooftops.

Snape likely still gets killed by Voldemort who realizes "oh, you probably killed him in his final moments, lol lol lol, eat him Nagini." Harry may or may not be there to see his final memories and realize "Oh, I am a Horcrux" and go to the woods to die.

Afterwards--Narcissa won't be covering for Harry, as Harry fucking murdered her son, but that could just mean that he and Voldemort get into their final duel before the Great Hall and that the curse just rebounds in the woods. Though Voldemort may just choose to knock Harry out, pretend he's dead, then imprison him, or have Bellatrix do it.

But it's possible canon just happens as it does.

If Dumbledore survives, Harry goes to Hogwarts for his seventh year where he and Dumbledore continue to review weird memories and occasionally, Harry gets to go Horcrux hunting with him. Occasionally, being only after Dumbledore has scoped out said location, decided there's a Horcrux there, figured out most of the traps, and so on.

Dumbledore also investigates the RAB thing (because who fucking got there before them?!) but, depending on if Harry remembers seeing that locket in Grimmuald Place, may or may not lead them to Kreacher. Though perhaps they'll see Umbridge wearing the locket around her neck.

And Harry harasses Snape as often as he can, telling Snape he's guilty of everything. Snape just reminds him, "I covered up your murder, bitch" which Harry does not appreciate.

Voldemort still tours Europe trying to get a wand that can end Harry, and eventually concludes "Oh, Dumbledore has it" and then comes to Hogwarts to finish the man himself once and for all. And then Dumbledore starts sweating because... he's in bad shape, Tom now knows, but if Dumbledore has someone else kill him first then Tom will know to find that person, or kills himself because Tom is coming for him then does it default to Tom being his murderer? Oh boy.

"Um, Harry, kill me, take this wand, and run."

[circus-clangen]

Hi I’m a new circusclan enjoyer and I am SO confused on what’s happening. Can I get a rundown of the current lore we know? Or like links for me to understand because like who is marquee?? I read the moon updates how do I not know them. Also monkeypaw was only mentioned once I believe? What’s their deal??

You got it! I'm not planning on posting here until I finish the next moon--which most likely wont be until the new year, so it'll be nice to have this sitting at the top of my blog for a while! Here's the official Circusclan Lore rundown, including what happened in the moons, the lost moons, the puzzles, and the 10th ring of HELL that is the discord server: First, the starter cats: Ringstar--previously Ringtail of Heronclan, and brother of @echoes-in-echoclan 's Kestrelstar--and his two kits, Clownpaw and Tigerkit.

The pre-moon events: Ring left his clan and his brother to join the circus and be with a cat he met, named Goldmask. Suffient to say for now, Goldmask's treatment of Ring was less that ideal, but he loved her all the more. They had a son together, Clown. The birth was INCREDIBLY taxing on Goldmask, and almost killed her (detailed here https://www.tumblr.com/circus-clangen/768067551594987520/wait-if-goldmask-wasis-paralyzed-how-did-she?source=share). A little while later, Goldmask became pregnant again. Ring was there when one of the kits was born, and knew it was not his. Goldmask knew she would die in this kitting--she'd barely survived having one kit, and this time, she'd had two. Only, Ring never knew the second one existed, because it's father had stolen it away before Ring could arrive. Goldmask didn't make it, and Ring was left alone in the circus, with Clown and Tiger.

The lost moons: I wasn't intending for Circusclan to become a comic. This, coupled with some technical issues, means moons 1-5 were lost. The technical issues were caused because, around moon 3-4, Tigerkit was taken by an eagle and killed. I wasn't ready for her to die, so I went into the code and brought her back... only, something strange happened. Before her in-game death, she was definitively Ring's favorite child. So much so, that I made jokes about it to my friends. He LOVED her. But after she died--after I brought her back--he hated her. He hated her so *viscerally*. A non-secret about the clangen save behind this comic is that both Ring and Clown's hate stats for Tiger are COMPLETELY maxxed. I knew I had to do something with this lore-wise, which I've detailed here (https://www.tumblr.com/circus-clangen/769542088687747072/anything-youre-dying-to-share-3?source=share). Monkeypaw: In a tale I've yet to reveal, Monkeypaw left Heronclan with Ring, but not long after, became the Starclan guide for my clan. The reason you don't see much of him is some lore I've added. There's a lot to it, but the basics of it is that Monkeypaw is only remembered by Ringstar--none of the ever living cats have met him, and so he can't directly interact with him. Unfortunately, Ringstar's connection with Starclan right now is akin to an Internet Explorer browser windows connection to the internet. So, Monkeypaw is a somewhat abstract figure for now. Marquee: Marquee is the father of Tigertoe and the mystery Tigersibling. He's Goldmask's other mate--one Ringstar didn't know existed until Tiger's birth. A staple of Circusclan is the cats affinity for human culture, and their imitation of it. Unknown to them, Marquee was "there first". He's from an almost cultlike group of cats that have been trying to not only imitate, but steal, humanity, for many many years. It's unclear as of now which of his actions are on behalf of this unnamed group, and which are on behalf of his deceased mate Goldmask. Moons 6-14: These moons were drawn when Circusclan was a fun meme project for me to share with my friends. I had no intention of posting it on Tumblr, much less giving it this level of lore. You CAN glean some lore from these wretched posts, but most notable in this era, is the infamous "hide and seek game", in which the player's failure to correctly solve a puzzle (https://www.tumblr.com/circus-clangen/746608261062639616/you-have-successfully-determined-that-ringstar?source=share) left Ringstar trapped in a burning caravan--the blaze implied to be set by Marquee. The players decided to let him burn, and he lost five lives. Moons 13-18: By this point, Tigertoe got the patrol event where a secret, outside-clan mate joins the clan: Trapezetangle. Also by this point, an outside-clan apprentice named Whippaw joins. Moon 19: I forgor Moon 20: The Experimental Era of video moons that were SUPER fun to make but took my entire life so I'm not going to be doing them every moon. Some people expressed they weren't comfortable watching a scary video, so the rundown of moon 20 is this: Ringstar died again, and Tigertoe found out she was pregnant. (For a rundown of that whole mess of a puzzle, look here: https://www.tumblr.com/circus-clangen/761426559722782720/i-try-my-best-to-never-explain-my-puzzles-even-if?source=share) Moon 21: Present day! Horrible things are going to happen very soon <3 Present, currently-alive (or dead) characters that we're AWARE of, even if I haven't properly revealed them: Monkeypaw, Ringstar, Tigertoe, Tigersibling, Clownwish, Goldmask, Marquee, Trapezetangle, Whippaw Nicknames you should be aware of for clarity: Dave is Marquee. The discord server will only call him Dave. His name is Marquee. Please help. Hope this helps at least some!

[kaleidoscopewritings19]

Joel Miller x Reader

EPILOGUE to Meet You There

Read Meet You There first!

Character(s): Joel Miller, F!Reader, Ellie Williams, Tommy Miller, Abby, etc.

WARNING(s): Mentions of death, mur!er, loss of a child, torture, usage of weapons. IF YOU FIND ANY OF THESE TOPICS TO BE TRIGGERING, DO NOT READ!!!!

SPOILERS FROM THE VIDEO GAME TLOU! If you didn’t know how X DIES YOU’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT IF YOU CONTINUE READING.

Early one morning, Maria had picked Joel and Tommy to scout out an old ski lodge. One of the communes scout teams had spotted and reported a horde of infected were there. You had followed Joel and Tommy to the horse stalls with full intention of joining them. “You should stay here , Y/N. There’s no telling what we’re gonna find, or what trouble is up there waitin’.” He stated.

But you were what you liked to call headstrong, but Joel just seen it as pure, hardheadedness. You guided Raven, your horse, from her stall, and started saddling her up.

A rifle was slung over your back, and Joel turned to help you tighten the saddle’s underbelly strap. “I really don’t think you should be travelin’ or shootin’ anything in your condition.” He said as his palm flattened against your lower belly.

Joel gently rubbed it in a circular motion, but you looked up at him with a smile. “You’re not gonna listen to me are you?”

“I can’t bring myself to be away from you. Not like this. The doc said once I get bigger, I can’t ride anymore. I’ll be fine.” You said and Joel sighed.

“Okay. But once we get back, you’re not leavin’ the bedroom.” He said as he pulled himself up on his horse.

You batted your eyelashes as Joel’s, “Wouldn’t have it any other way— daddy.” You said sending him a wink. His cheeks turned red and Tommy hid his face in his horses mane. “Race ya!” You shouted as your horse bolted to the gate.

It all happened so quickly; one minute you were saving and helping this group of people, and now a gun was pointed down at your head.

You spit a glob of blood from your mouth, your side bleeding profusely. Quick breaths were all you could breathe, “Don’t hurt her!” Joel screamed as two men held him up against a wall.

Tommy was lying across the room away from you, knocked out cold; a girl pulled you by your hair, forcing your neck back. You stayed still; you weren’t going to give her the satisfaction of watching you beg for your life.

“I was going to kill you first, Joel. But I think it would be better for you to watch her die first.” She said as she slowly dragged the blade of the knife against your neck. Your body trembled from the cold, and you could feel the warm blood trickle down your neck.

Joel’s voice was scratchy and raw from screaming, and you stared at him with pleading eyes. “Please don’t hurt him. Just kill me and leave him alone.” You whimpered and the girl, whose name was Abby, knelt down to you.

“You’re willing to die for him? After all he has done?” she questioned, and you looked over at Joel. His eyes were full of tears, and she stuck her knife back into your side twisting it. “You killed my father, Joel Miller!” She screamed and she turned her attention back to you, “How can you love a murderer?”

You looked into her eyes, tears welling up in your own. The pain in your side and in your neck was too much for you to handle, “We’ve all done things we’re not— proud of.” You gasped out. “I love him. I always have.” You turned to Joel, “I love you, Joel.”

Joel’s eyes filled with angry tears, “She’s pregnant— just let her go! This is between me and you!”

Abby turned to you and pulled the knife out of your side, “It’’ll be one less fucking Miller on the planet.” She said as she cocked her arm back, ready to plunge the knife back into you.

One of the men with her, grabbed her wrist, and mumbled, “Don’t torture her anymore. She’s innocent. You’ll get what you want anyway— she’s gonna bleed to death.” She dropped the knife to the ground, and her attention fell on Joel. He spit onto the ground, “Get whatever speech you prepared over with. Let’s get this done.” He said, his words full of anger.

“You don’t get to rush this.” She said as she picked up a golf club.

She approached Joel and swung back with the club, beating him. Over and over again. You felt helpless and angry— his eyes remained on you the entire time.

When Abby had stopped and left the room, you slowly pulled yourself up and drug yourself to Joel. His eyes fluttered open, and tears rolled down the bridge of his nose, his right cheek pressed against the floor. “I’m so sorry baby.” He said choking on blood. “I should’ve… I should’ve made you stay..”

Tears flooded down your cheek, your body screaming at you to stop moving. “I can’t live without you, Joel. You’re my—my best friend.” You sobbed. His eyebrows furrowed as he pushed himself up, “Thank you for loving me despite the bad shit I’ve done. You were the only— one to never use my past against me.”

You both were on your stomachs facing each other, his hand gripped yours tightly, “This is all…my fault. I brought this on you and I’m so sorry.” He whispered.

Your forehead pressed against his and he choked out, “Live for me. Live for our baby. I have hope you will make it out of this. You’re gonna be happy, you’re gonna be your wild and adventurous self.” He said with a sad laugh.

He pressed a kiss to the palm of your hand, “You’re gonna be okay, Y/N. Please remember for the good I’ve done.” He whispered and you used what strength you had left to pull his face to yours.

You kissed his lips like it was the first time; against that old tree near the waters edge. “ I love you. I love you. I love you.” He mumbled against your lips.

His tears mixed with yours, and the door was flung open. You were dragged back away from Joel, a trail of your blood following with you. His body flailed up as he tried to get up, but he was struck with the nine iron again. Joel’s body had softened, and he reached out for you, “Our spot. I’ll meet you at our spot.” Joel wheezed.

Your body was finally giving in to the cold and tingling sensation, you could no longer lift your head. But you pulled yourself to his hand and grabbed it, “No!” You heard a shout, and instantly you recognized Ellie’s voice; your heart had officially broke. She was going to watch them kill Joel. You could feel the thuds on the floor and her struggling to beat down the others.

Joel’s eyes were fighting to stay open, and you focused on his face. You gripped his hand and he gripped back, “Pin her down!” A woman yelled.

“Get the fuck off of me!” Ellie screamed. You could hear someone repeatedly kicking her, and her soft groans of pain. “You’re gonna fucking die!” She screamed, and Joel’s grip began to loosen. Your hearing was going in and out, and all you could hear was someone say, “Finish it.”

Abby lifted the golf club above her head, “Joel get up!” Ellie yelled. “Joel get the fuck up!” She pleaded, and his eyes fluttered open— he looked at her and then at you.

You screwed your eyes shut, the impact of the club on Joel, could be heard and felt through the floor. A broken cry came from Ellie and your breath was caught in your chest.

It was the last thing you heard before everything went dark.

Someone tugging and shaking your body brought you out of the darkness.

You whole body was on fire, and it was getting harder to breathe. “C’mon Y/N, you have to get up.” Ellie sobbed. “You can’t leave me too!” She screamed.

You opened your eyes, but there were black spots all over the place. Weakly, you lifted your hand and felt around until your hand was flush against her cheek. “Ellie…”

Another set of hands, began to pull of your coat, “She’s bleeding out. I can’t stop it. There’s so much—.” You recognized Tommy’s voice. “We’re gonna get you help. But you’re gonna have to fight to stay alive.” Tommy said as he began pressing something into your side, and you screamed out in pain.

Your shirt was lifted up and a gasp came from Tommy; you could feel the shirt being pulled from the open wound. “We’re gonna get you home. You have to live Y/N.” You clutched Ellie’s face, your other hand gripping at your lower stomach.

“He loved you, Ellie. I love you. Joel would want you to live for him. Remember the good things about him.” You said slowly, wincing every other word. Your hand began to slip from her face, “Don’t say it like—like you’re gonna leave me too.” She said through tears.

“I can’t live without him. I can’t live without Joel. My—my..” you began to choke on your blood and you couldn’t get it out. When you could finally get a breath in you whispered, “My heart can’t take it. I lost our baby too…” It felt like you were being suffocated— like someone’s hands were around your neck, With one last breath, you whispered, “Joel.”

You didn’t know if you were closing your eyes, but the darkness began to take over your sight, and you gave into it. Spots of Ellie were the last thing you could see before escaping your tattered body.

Light had overtaken the darkness; warmth had overtaken the cold and the tingling/heavy feeling over your body was lifted. When your eyes had opened, sunlight had filled your vision; you blinked until your eyes had fully adjusted. You stood up off the ground, and you looked down at your body remembering the multiple stab wounds.

You were wearing a slip— something you would’ve worn underneath a dress or to bed. It was white and clean, and the sounds of birds chirping made you smile. The warmth of the sun warmed your skin and you spun around joyously— the pain gone.

When you had stopped spinning, your world continued to spin. The outline of another human was all you could make out, and your heart fluttered. “Joel?”

Everything became focused and when your eyes had steadied, you seen Joel standing out in the water.

A smile stretched across your face and you ran into his arms; he lifted you up and both of you were laughing. “You’re here.” You whispered into his neck.

“I told you I’d meet you here, darlin’. I just didn’t think you’d be here so soon.” He said into your hair.

When he had sat you back into the water, your hands cupped his cheeks and he held you close. “I couldn’t go on without you.” You whispered before pressing a kiss to his lips.

Something brushed your bare leg, and when you looked down into the water, a dandelion was floating near your leg.

Joel picked it up, and held it out in front of you. “Make a wish..”

You pursed your lips and gently blew, and the two of you watched the seeds scatter in the air.

“What did ya wish for?” Joel asked, and you smiled. “Nothing. Because I have you, and that’s all I’ll ever want and need.”

Joel smiled and he pulled you down with him into the water, pressing a long, searing kiss to your lips. You and Joel would have the rest of eternity together in— well, you didn’t quite know where you were. But all you could think was that this was heaven.

• • •

Author’s Note: sorry I think this was too long to be considered an epilogue lol. But let me know what you thought, and I apologize for it being so dark.

Comments, Likes, & Reblogs are always appreciated! Let me know what you thought!

[kurishiri]

03 ┊ A match of life and death, the art of self-protection

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

— jude⌛'s past records, record #3. i'm so, so sorry for taking so long on this ,, orz

— cw: brief mention of human trafficking in the end.

Jude: I’ll give ya more in return. So give that medicine to me.

Going so low as to threaten him with a shattered bottle, it resembled what had been done to us by our father and brother.

God knows how long we glared at each other.

But the one who opened his mouth first was the doctor.

Oswald: ...Listen up, lad. An investment is lending out funds with the expectation of future gains.

O: Only an ignorant and selfish child would think he could receive funds just like that.

(...!)

(Hate to admit it, but this damn doctor’s got a point.)

I could shout and yell out all until I gave out, but in the end I was only saying bratty, spoiled nonsense.

Unable to say anything back, the doctor handed me a thick medical book.

Jude: What’s this for?

Oswald: By the time I come around next time, have this entire book memorized.

O: If you can demonstrate your abilities, I promise I will administer the medicine.

The book he gave me was so thick, it could probably kill a person if they got hit with it.

And the doctor came around here once a week.

——All that to say.

(He’s thinks I don’t got it in me from the start so he’s givin’ me this tall order.)

Jude: Ha, bloody hell... all of ya lookin’ down on me, aren’t’cha.

(But it’s this or nothin’ for us.)

(I’ll weave from a single straw if I hafta.)

To get more out of this than if I were to steal and sell it for a likely-high price,

I was grateful to my mother, who had taught me how to read.

Jude: Couldn’t ask for nothin’ more. I’m in.

——is what I said, but memorizing everything was far from an easy feat.

Jude: Ether has been used as a narcotic in treatments...

J: Tch, there’s way too many fancy words in ‘ere.

I felt like my heart was going to get crushed countless times.

But, if that happened, that would really be the end for us.

I absorbed myself to the point I neglected sleeping and eating——

And then, one week later, I memorized everything.

The damn doctor would point to a page, and when I recited its contents, he let out a satisfied laugh.

Oswald: Haha, to think you really went and memorized everything. That was quite a feat even for myself.

Jude: The hell? Weren’t ya the one who told me to memorize this entire thing?

Oswald: Indeed. It’s my defeat.

O: As promised, I will treat you guys.

Jude: As ya should, ya git.

Jude’s little sister: ...Hey, mister doctor.

Oswald: Hm? What is it, kiddo?

Jude’s little sister: Will... will ya really fulfill your promise?

Jude’s little sister: ‘Cause even if my brother makes a promise, all the adults go ‘round breakin’ ‘em.

Jude: ......... (O_O)

Oswald: I could say anything with this mouth, so I was intending to show it with my actions...

O: But I will not break the promise. ——And that is absolute.

And so, the damn doctor, as promised, periodically administered the medicine to us.

My sister and I then slowly recovered.

While under the treatment, the damn doctor didn’t utter a word. Nor did he show us any pity.

He simply treated us as another human being, on equal footing——and while I hated to admit it, that made me happy.

So that may have been why my mouth ended up slipping.

Jude: They would’ve wanted us dead. Which was why I did everythin’ I could not to.

Dammit, I had thought then——but the damn doctor responded with a dispassionate voice, all the while continuing the treatment.

Oswald: If you died because others had wished for you to die, that would be the most uninteresting thing.

O: So, if that’s the case, why not live a stubborn life? That is the ultimate revenge.

In an act of amusement, he would tell me about lots of things.

And I would come to absorb more and more of that knowledge.

But, such a peaceful time would end and fade away in an instant.

Jude: The hell? ...Ya sold her?

to be continued…

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masterlist🌙 ┊ ko-fi ☕️ ┊ comms 🤍

[prettyboyjohnny]

JOHNNY VOICE LINE TRANSCRIPT 🥩

I wrote these out a long time ago but never posted them anywhere! Based on [x].

>Nancy's voicelines<

Notes:

• I could've copied the game subtitles, but I didn't 'cause they suck.

• I haven't played enough Johnny to know where some of these lines start and end. Please let me know if I've made any mistakes in that regard!

• I was gonna include tone indicators, but tone is subjective. No one wants me to mark the Feed Grandpa voice lines as "Flirty."

Thanks!

VOICELINES

Encounter Start

Now look at this! Somebody's ready to fight!

This is gonna end... Very badly for you.

Yeah-ha-ha! Oh, that's it! Hit me...

Imma gut every single one of y'all! [Inhales, laughs under breath] Come on... Come on!

Exit interaction

Nobody leaves until I say so!

Ain't nobody leavin' just yet!

Got it.

Nobody's leavin' alive! Y'all not fast enough! ... Good try, though.

Feed Grandpa

Get your fill, old man.

It always tastes best when it's fresh, don't it?

Here you go, old man.

You're lookin' better already... Now help us!

Oh, you're thirsty today.

Victim found

HA HA! It's playtime!

Heh heh, it's playtime...

Hahahaha, I always find 'em!

You should know better than that! ... Come on out, now.

Hey there! [Laughs]

Well! Look who we got here! [Laughs]

Hit victim

Oh! Now I got ya!

Yeah! Take it! Take it!

It's better if you die right quick! Trust me!

This would be simpler if you would sit still!

Yeah! You gonna be leakin' after that hit.

Idle

Nobody escapes me.

How the hell did those kids find us? [Sighs] I should've been more careful.

If Grandpa was able, this would be over by now... I better go feed him.

Damn it, Johnny... Get your head straight! Come on, now!

I gotta fix this... Now!

Cook seen

I'd watch that tongue of yours, old man... It might go missin' one day.

I thought you knew how to run this household... THIS is a mess!

Damn it, old man! Put those ears of yours to use already!

Where are they?! How the hell did they get loose?! I can't fix this by myself, old man.

Stop barkin' orders at me! You ain't gonna like the results.

Hitchhiker seen

Surround the property with some of those traps already! This is getting outta hand fast!

You're one shifty little sumbitch... I'll give you that. [Laughs]

How you make those weird ass traps of yours, anyway?

Would you. Settle. The Hell. Down already. You're scattering all over the dang place. We gotta focus!

Grandpa is gonna tan our hides if we let them get away. Spread out!

Leatherface seen

That's it, boy... Go kill someone now.

Go on, put that saw to use, big boy! What're you waitin' on?

If I were you, I'd go and check out Grandpa. We're gonna need his help!

Let's go now, boy! Grandpa ain't gonna be too pleased if you let them escape.

Just get outta my way, boy... I'll show you how real killin's done.

Sissy seen

Are you gonna help me out, or just stand there lookin' pretty?

If it ain't askin' too much, before you go and run off again, would you mind helpin' me out?

Before you go runnin' off with those back-house hippies again... Can you PLEASE find these damn kids?!

Sissy, what the hell're you waitin' on? Get to it!

Sissy... Are you even listenin' to me? What's goin' on in that head of yours?! Damn!

Lose enemy first

Aww, you leavin' so soon?

It's alright, big boy's gonna be wearing your face soon enough... After I'm done with you, that is. [Laughs]

You know... I was actually kinda fond of that girl, I-I didn't really wanna hurt 'er... But, as they say... Family first, y'know?

You ever watch someone die? Oh... You ain't never quite the same after that, lemme tell ya.

Ohohoh, you can run all you want... It ain't gonna matter much longer.

Lose enemy sub

[Scoffs] You're all gurgle and no guts! I thought you were tougher than that!

I'm gonna find you... I will! I promise!

You wanna know how your friend died? I can show you!

L-Listen now! E-Everybody's time comes eventually!

The bad man's in me... And you gonna meet 'im real soon!

Lose enemy long

Your little friend put up a better fight than this... Come on... Make it interesting, will ya?!

They always try to hide... It's always the same game... [Laughs]

You folks don't know who you messin' with! Nobody ever gets away from me.

You're just delayin' the inevitable! YOU HEAR ME?

Come on out now, let's play.

I got plenty of space in the cold room for you.

Match start

It's time. [Chuckles] Seems they've got some fight in 'em after all.

I knew I should've handled this myself... I'll fix it.

That's what I get for taking it easy on them. Time for them to join that little friend of theirs.

See blood trail

Oh, this is gonna be easy.

Hey, you okay? You seem to have lost a bit of blood!

Now... let's see where you scurried off to.

You know... Bleedin' like that ain't gonna help your cause!

Don't bleed out on me yet! I need you awake!

See enemy first

Don't worry. I like it when they run.

Look, you're gonna want this to end fast. Trust me on that.

Well, don't run! I just wanna see how it feels.

There you are! [Chuckles] You kinda remind me of your little friend.

See enemy sub

This is pointless, you know. Quit stallin'.

Don't worry... I'll find ya.

[Growls] I'm gonna see your insides before this night's through!

Oh, you ain't gettin' away! I'm keepin' you.

Come on back, now.

Got something I wanna show you! [Laugh]

See family member

Well! Look who decided to lend a hand!

Check the doors and generator. We can't let them leave. You hear me?

Y'all need to start pullin' your weight around here. This is gettin' old!

Grandpa's gonna be in a fit if we let them escape. Start searchin'!

Would y'all... Help me already. PLEASE!

See trapped victim

We gotcha! [Laughs]

You ready to meet the bad man?

You got one!

Looks like you might be hurtin'. Might wanna be watchin' where you're steppin'.

[Laughs]

See victim escape

Maybe I can still catch 'em. Yeah, down by the tracks.

Damn... They're free... For now.

This isn't gonna be good.

Damn it, Johnny! [Scoffs] ... The old man's gonna be riled up now.

Use ability blocked

Ain't no tracks here...

Nah... got nothin'.

Better wait a minute.

Not quite yet ... [Inhales] Almost ready.

Use ability

Time to play. Now... Where did you go?

I'll find ya. Don't you worry about that.

Go ahead and hide... It ain't gonna matter.

Where'd y'all run off to?

Use ability success

[Hums] ... There you are.

They always leave a trail. Always so careless. [Chuckles, inhales] ... This is too easy.

I'm on your tail now!

Execution

You're gonna look real nice... Next to that friend of yours!

That's it... Die for me!

This... Is only gonna hurt... For a minute!

You should've never came here lookin' for that girl!

You ain't gettin' away! I'm keepin' you!

[Last edited March 2024]

[mimisfortress]

I want to hear about other people's thoughts on this game, and perchance even people's experiences with depression. Maybe I can learn a thing or two.

I forget I have tumblr as an outlet to be emotional and what not in times when I just can't bare to console my friends or family.

Has anyone played or watched a playthrough of the Cat Lady (2012)?

I watched a 6 hour playthrough of it after finding out about it simply by chance. I watched an Instagram reel and someone said "the sound effects used remind me of a game called the Cat Lady, lol". I was curious and looked into it. I had gone to the ER the day prior because I felt overwhelmingly suicidal and I was really desperate to inspire myself and give myself some sort of hope. I read the summary for the Cat Lady and the main character, Susan, kills herself but then is revived and she dies over and over again because she's the Cat Lady and has many lives. But it's almost funny because she's made invincible, but she just really wants to die lmao.

I watched the full playthrough of the game and it touched my heart, really. It didn't fix me magically (I wish), but I couldn't BELIEVE how throughout the game, Susan would say depressive thoughts that I've thunk VERBATIM.

[sevinagreatergood]

I think 17-18 year old Severus didn't know what the Death Eaters were doing, that they were killing Muggle-borns? Slytherin has always had a bad attitude towards Muggle-borns.

A while ago, I told twitter I was glad lily died and it began some kind of thing, so spent a month on making this essay like justification of how Snape should be completely absolved of his crimes. This is a piece.

Willingly means by definition: ready, eager, or prepared to do something.

Snape was far from that. Guy wanted to die at age 21. Well then. I will tell you why he joined. Because he was afraid. I will explain it in 3 parts:

- highschool hierarchy

- school life of snape

- joining DUBIOUS POLITICS

1st is highschool hierarchy: Highschool is a smaller version of society. Fitting in, following rules, planning your route to a dream job, relationships, friendships, be confronted with adult-er problems than a child of 12 would comprehend, thus enhancing problem solving skills.

Snape was in that school for 7 years. Until he was 18. His small society was split in 4 parts.:

- Gryffindors (Marauders)

- Ravenclaws

- Hufflepuff's

- Slytherins. (Indoctrinated blood supremecists)

Marauders bullied him on the train ride TO school (they weren't even at school YET) because Snape told lily, he hoped for her to be in Slytherin. James who barged in, walks all over his opinion without telling why, where Snape obviously snaps back at, in return gets branded Snivellus and is almost tripped.

🛑 [“You’d better be in Slytherin,” said Snape, encouraged that she had brightened a little.

“Slytherin?” One of the boys sharing the compartment, who had shown no interest at all in Lily or Snape until that point, looked around at the word, and Harry, whose attention had been focused entirely on the two beside the window, saw his father: slight, black-haired like Snape, but with that indefinable air of having been well-cared-for, even adored, that Snape so conspicuously lacked.

“Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I’d leave, wouldn’t you?” James asked the boy lounging on the seats opposite him, and with a jolt, Harry realized that it was Sirius. Sirius did not smile.

“My whole family have been in Slytherin,” he said.

“Blimey,” said James, “and I thought you seemed all right!”

Sirius grinned. “Maybe I’ll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?”

James lifted an in visible sword. “-Gryffind or, where dwell the brave at heart!- Like my dad.” Snape made a small, dis paraging noise. James turned on him.

“Got a problem with that?”

“No,” said Snape, though his slight sneer said otherwise.

“If you’d rather be brawny than brainy – ”

“Where’re you hoping to go, seeing as you’re nei ther?” interjected Sirius. James roared with laughter. Lily sat up, rather flushed, and looked from James to Sir ius in dislike.

“Come on, Severus, let’s find another compartment.”

“Oooooo…” James and Sirius imitated her lofty voice. James tried to trip Snape as he passed.

“See ya, Snivellus!” a voice called, as the compartment door slammed… And the scene dissolved once more…]

(Book: The Deathly Hollows/ ch33, page 580)

2nd: school life of snape

- Train scene were the gryffindors (marauders). In school the Ravenclaws and hufflepuffs either ignored or laughed alongside marauders that made it their solemn duty to harm Snape. Teachers did not extend a hand at all. Otherwise the kids would've learned their lesson by now. I mean, Albus is a wizard that even Voldemort was scared of. What would a bunch of teens do against Albus his words?

This is his reaction of Snape towards marauders, by name calling only:

'All right, Sniv­el­lus?' said James loud­ly. Snape re­act­ed so fast it was as though he had been ex­pect­ing an at­tack: drop­ping his bag, he plunged his hand in­side his robes and his wand was halfway in­to the air

'How'd the ex­am go, Sniv­el­ly?' said James.

(Book: The Order of the phoenix/ ch28: Snape's worst memory, page 620)

Pavlov demonstrated salivation in dogs through a series of experiments where he **paired the sound of a bell with the presentation of food**. Over time, the dogs began to associate the bell with food and would start to salivate at the sound of the bell, even when no food was presented.

Snape was fully immersed in his exams but as soon as he heard Snivellus, his body reacted instinctively and became defensive. He was trained for the bullies. Like a child that knows how to hide when he senses the awful atmosphere. He still had an awful home life too. Poor kid was conditioned by his bullies.

That's what fear does. When you listen to the footsteps of which parent comes, or even dread a certain hour of the day and know what kind of time it is to prepare yourself for what is about to come. That's fear. Snape heard "Snivellus" and his body reacted on its own.

That was how the 5 years went. Five years prior to that moment, that is what Snape's life was. From the train to this moment. With nobody TRULY helping him. That was his taste of social life in high school. Two out of four houses either ignored his plea of help or laughed along. One house was the instigator and one (Slytherin) was his own house.

Slytherin vs Gryffindor is a rivalry made in history. Slytherins simply hated gryffindors because they are Gryffindors. Snape settled with that. That was good enough for him, but of course those pure bloods won't listen to a half muggle like him and solely bully marauders only. They'll bully all Gryffindors and muggleborns. They didn't harm him in any form of way as badly as marauders did though.

Now we have: joining DUBIOUS POLITICS

Reason why I said it was dubious was more of a view of 1978.

Why it's dubious:

- Definition dubious: hesitating or doubting

I've already seen people tell me, the usual things:

"How is it dubious when they are out to kill muggles"

Let me ask you then. If a guy on the streets spoke about killing a certain race with maybe 3 to 5 more people but they don't harm anyone. All they do is shout about their ideals, in a world of 7bilion people. Will you ignore it or call the police?

- what will they be arrested for then? Speaking their mind?

People forget that by the time 1978, DE had NO kill count known to people. Albus only realizes hocruxes were later made around Harry potter's time. Sure, Albus had a squad ready, but that was more or less out of precaution. Same way people have secret services in countries such fbi, cia and whatnot. Doesn't mean that because they are there, tomorrow is a war. No, simply precaution.

That's what I mean by the dubious part of the "dubious politics" not the ideals that the de stood for. Now, Voldemort is in fact a politician (to those that said, he wasn't). The book described him as handsome, charming and manipulative, persistent and knows what he wants.

Look at what makes a politician a good politician:

- Charming

- Articulate

- Charismatic (Charisma is another critical trait for successful politicians. Voters must believe in you, your vision for the future, and your ability to make that vision a reality.)

- Ambitious

- Driven

- Passionate about their causes.

- Persistence is critical in any political campaign. You will face setbacks and opposition.

Politicians are a unique breed of people. They are passionate about their beliefs and are not afraid to fight for what they believe in. They are also persuasive, articulate, and have a strong presence.

Now, I can already smell the comments "but then snape shouldn't have joined if Voldemort was such a good politician"

And honestly. It sickens me. Did you know at 18 how your whole government works? No right? Geez. He was only 18, afraid of marauders, people also forget how he tried to be good many many times and it backfired heavily upon him.

- 1st time being good, was trying to make a friend, which he did, how did that work out? Broken friendship.

- 2nd time was finding escape to Hogwarts. He wanted to leave his neglectful and abusive household. Go to school for dreams and work out all the magic he desired that his dad hated in the house. How did being hopeful to enter Hogwarts, work out for him? Crushed on the trainride to school.

Excuse him, for not being THAT hopeful after 7 years of torment from the marauders then. He gave up hope, the school delivered that future on his doorstep. Seven years isn't four years. Many of us hated highschool, that was only four years, imagine 7 whole fricking years with marauders using you as a doorstep to make their ACTUAL friends laugh.

Anyway, back to the politician part. Having no hope, treated as an outcast, fear is what led a teen like Snape into joining DE. As I stated previously too.

The party wasn't taken THAT seriously. Otherwise gryffindors wouldn't talk about it so jokingly. Lily had a good gist. She was actually terrified but accidentally pushed her friend to them with that fear. Why it wasn't taken seriously is because it had no kill count.

That's why during and after the war, many tried to change sides because it is not what they bargained for. Regulus changed for Kreacher, Snape changed for lily, many that were caught is also described in the books as that they were under the imperium curse.

Do we have that written down, now? Good. Let's see. I explained why Voldemort was very persuasive. A piece of the reason being greyback that joined tom for more lycan rights.

I got many comments saying "shedding blood for ideals is wrong"

Where I then said "then women's rights would've never existed, nor the french revolution or the war in USA to free slaves"

But of course, people will cherry pick stuff. Telling me "oh but comparing minorities to an actual cult is wrong"

Uhm?

Do people even know what minority means?

- definition minority: the smaller number or part, especially a number or part representing less than half of the whole.

"only a minority of properties are rented"

As much as we hate it. Purebloods were the minority against billions of muggles. In that wizarding world is an even smaller group of werewolves, treated like trash. A minority within a minority.

Fenrir greyback didn't kickstart that life. Laws and such had been made BEFORE his time. What did the laws do?

- keep lycans unemployed

- keep lycans poor

- keep the lycans starving

Remus, is not even like Fenrir. How does he live?

- unemployed

- poor

- starving

That's what Voldemort goes after. He feeds the minorities ideals to join him and overthrow the current system of the wizarding world to rule said world.

What else is a minority? Oh right, the 28 sacred families. Black, Crouch, Lestrange, Carrow, Malfoy, Avery and Rosier were the only 7 sacred pureblood that entered that lifestyle. Sounds like a minority to me.

As much as we hate it, the 1% of the rich in current population is the minority. But with minority we tend to involve:

- race

- laws

- gender

- religion

- ethnicity

But it isnt always like that. People love throwing around words to feel proud and big, but half of them simply use it to guilt trip the other, scare them off and call it a day. Well not me.

Whether Voldemort would've kept his word or not is not up to us to fill that in. Book literally states:

🛑 "You haven't heard of him?" Lupin's hands closed convulsively in his lap. "Fenrir Greyback is, perhaps, the most savage werewolf alive today. He regards it as his mission in life to bite and to contaminate as many people as possible; he wants to create enough werewolves to overcome the wizards. Voldemort has promised him prey in return for his services. Greyback specializes in children. Bite them young, he says, and raise them away from their parents, raise them to hate normal wizards. Voldemort has threat- ened to unleash him upon people's sons and daughters; it is a threat that usually produces good results."

- notice the first half of the text. Fenrir wants to overcome wizards and witches (that look down on lycans) by biting them. In other words, when enough people have changed to what they despise and frown upon, they won't think so ill about lycans anymore and will show more empathy. It's literally "how do you like it now" placed in fiction.

Greyback happens to be specialized in kids and even that is a form of revenge to go after children, that parents love, breaking their hearts by taking what they love the most and they are easy targets. It shows a deep and twisted sense of self justification. Not because he likes it, that would mean he is a form of a psychopath.

And with the system so against you, it's highly unlikely to be born like that and not created by the society itself that would rather starve your kind to death than be open minded of the issue that lycans simply cannot help their condition.

But last time I said this, I was called a greyback apologist. When we learn about Hitler (tyrannically deranged country leaders) or psychopaths, do we suddenly become their apologists? No right. Greyback is a simple puzzle piece to the bigger picture of why Voldemort's group is dubious politics.

This is why Voldemort made an ideal politician, creating said dubious politics. He said "he'd kill muggles" I know but not everyone took it seriously. Treated him like the mad man shouting on the streets. And those 18-year olds that joined were barely developed. I am using Malfoy as an example. These are the pureblood children you're blaming:

Malfoy by definition could not help it. The racism he was raised up with it's like religion and culture. If you're raised with it, you won't believe anything is wrong because your parents are nice to you so everything seems okay.

When you're older and meet the new world, and suddenly hit with the fact that your parents were the most racist of the racist. You will become defensive because that would mean, half your life was a lie. Especially with a group like gryffindors rubbing it in your face that you're snakes and will become DE anyway. And the principal allows it.

Draco, like many before him tend to even be playful with the mudblood word. That's why many white kids back then could say the n-word easier than nowadays. We as a society are focusing on making the world better by helping to get rid of that word. But back then, the word was as normal as saying "car", "home" and you get the gist.

Way he calls hermione a mudblood is almost playful. Half smiling or like cuss word such as "damn". He doesn't truly imagine a heavy history behind that word from a muggleborn THEIR pov. Like many kids of Slytherin, that weren't shown empathy and it wasn't shown to them either.

His parents spent 11 years indoctrinating the kid (like many other purist children) that muggleborns were basically shit and should not even touch his feet as a figure of speech.

Draco: The more he spent time around others and the further his brain developed, the more he realized how wrong it was.

Other kids: Regulus died at 17 or 18. Many other students died at 20 or 21. They never could change nor were they allowed. Regulus was an example to us, not them. For them it was a threat. But they would realize that Regulus wasn't amongst them, since the kids died at 17 or 18 and the war took place 2 or 3 years later. And they knew if they defied, they'd end up like Regulus.

Meanwhile other kids in Slytherins (that weren't raised in indoctrinated household) have to fend themselves against other purist (indoctrinated) kids or keep face because they come from a prestigious family. While the teachers give no help at all.

And no, trying to create activities for kids of Slytherin house obviously won't cut it. What teachers had to do was not let Gryffindor run loose and nitpick the Slytherins. That's what had to be done. (Someone said, Albus tried to create activities for Slytherin house too)

Example: I'm brown, but if white kids were treated nicer and I create a hate group because we then can talk about being treated unfairly. And the school decides to do activities for us brown kids to fit in or change. While they still treat white kids better, it's obvious that I, a brown kid won't stop my hate club.

In other words. Voldemort banded the minorities (sacred 28, werewolves) called in children that infected others or had a tough life and fed them empty dreams with the bigger belief "killing muggles"

How many of these kids even met a muggle? Talked to one and such? Never. They don't know human life value because it wasn't taught to them. When kids learn to become empathic between ages of 5 and 10. These purist children skipped it.

Many were raised like that or were already in survival mode as Snape. Muggle life was kept insensitive. School didn't teach anything muggle related either. I mean, not knowing the function of a rubber duck in 1992 is a new feat of "how well do magical people know muggles."

Again, speaking of a pov from 1978, why many could easily join Voldemort. Not any year after. I hope I explained this well enough. Also, my apologies if this sounds agressive. I tried to change a lot, but this was meant against the snaters and Lily fans on twitter.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Form and Void: Final Part

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.2k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst, feeling broken and utterly helpless to the point of depression, wanting to die

Summary: You're not okay even if you keep telling yourself that. You don't want to feel this way but how can you think about getting better when pieces of yourself keep chipping away? If you're going to leave Earth, if you're going to do the unthinkable, then there is one place you need to go to first. You just hope you're not too late.

Season Eleven Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

x

You take the holy oil container, the lighter, and the paper you printed and place it on the receptionist's desk where the ER entrance is. Dean will most likely enter through here where he can see the cure on display.

Without thinking, you leave the hospital right after just as you hear the Impala's engine roar into town. You're in tears and you want to die but there is one place you have to go before you leave this Earth. There is one stop before you take your own life. It's for the better. They will be happy I'm gone. I won't be able to cause pain if I'm dead. Billie will take me to the Empty and everything will be right with the world.

Dean jumps out of the car just as he parks and runs inside the hospital but you're nowhere to be found.

"Y/N! Y/N!!" He sees the things you left behind on the counter which means you're gone. You would have been here to give it to him if you didn't leave. "FUCK!"

Three people come around the corner looking confused. You just have healed them since they don't have black marks on their necks. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and calls Sam who answers on the first ring.

"Did you find her?"

"She's gone, man. She found the cure and left. She's gone," he cries.

"We'll find her. She'll be okay and we'll find her."

Dean has to believe that you're going to be okay because he's not going to know what to do if you do what he thinks you're out there doing.

Week One

Sam joined Dean's side as soon as he could after helping Jenna and her grandmother. Both have died and Amara is gone but they're pretty low on their list of problems. Now that they had the cure, they called int he authorities as soon as they could. Any remaining people who were infected were cured while the authorities got out as many bodies as they could.

Sam had to finish what you started while Dean went around the entire town and neighboring towns to see where you might have gone. With no new leads on you, they were forced to head back to the Bunker, taking their cure with them in case the Darkness had infected anyone else along the way.

The not knowing if you're alive or dead is what's killing Dean.

"Where do you think she went?" Sam asks as Dean drives.

"I don't know," he whispers.

Week Two

"What do you mean you don't know where she is? You're supposed to be the best," Dean yells over the phone.

"I mean she's nowhere to be found. I can only do so much, Dean," Rudy sighs.

Rudy is another hunter Dean is close with who is phenomenal with computers. If anyone can find you, it's Rudy. Sam and Dean have returned to the Bunker just in case you had decided to go home only to realize it's still a mess from when the Stynes broke in and ransacked everything. Right before Dean killed them all.

"There's nothing you can do?"

"She turned off her cell phone. Its last known location was in that town you cured. She stole a car but it ended up in Norfolk, Nebraska. After that, it's a dead end. I'm sorry, man."

"Yeah, alright. Let me know if anything else comes up."

"You'll be the first."

Dean hangs up and tries your phone knowing it's going to go straight to voicemail. Sam puts the books back where they belong but keeps one eye on Dean the whole time.

"What if she's dead?" Dean asks quietly while staring at his phone.

"I don't think she is."

"What if?"

"I don't know," Sam sighs.

Cas isn't answering his phone either so he truly doesn't know who to turn to. If Rudy can't find you, then he or Sam won't be smart enough to navigate the internet to find you. Rudy is the best and even you managed to slip out from underneath his radar. He can't bear the thought of you lying in a ditch somewhere rotting away. No, he's not giving up on you until he can confirm with his own two eyes that you're dead.

Week Three

You still haven't done it. You don't think you can. You hate yourself for what you did but you don't think you can end your own life. You'd never be able to forgive yourself for putting your family through that pain. You of all people know that what you're going through isn't going to be forever even if it feels like it will.

You made it to the destination you planned on going to but you haven't left. There is a little twenty-four-hour diner you've been sitting in for the past three weeks, always watching but never ordering more than some coffee. You know Sam and Dean will find you eventually so you'll soak up every bit of isolation you have until they do.

You look out the window that's facing the park and watch the kids play with their parents. It broke your heart to come back from Purgatory and see Joanna a year older. You missed an entire year of her life then and you missed an entire year of her life now. Not only hers but Maryann's and Noah's, too. Maryann will be turning three in September, Noah will be turning thirteen in November, and Joanna will be turning six in February.

Maryann has loved swings ever since you made that child's playground for her in the backyard. Even now, she is smiling and laughing as Jody pushes her on the swing. Alex is holding Joanna as she teaches her how to use the monkey bars. Noah is running around with Zeus and Colonel, playing catch. Your family is having fun without you. Maybe it's for the best. I'd ruin them, too.

How could you ever think to leave Earth without knowing your children are safe? You want nothing more than to hold them and tell them how much you love them, but how can you look at them in the eyes knowing you were on your way to them to kill them? How can you ever be around them knowing you wanted to hurt them? You were going to steal their magic and then kill them, so how could you ever face up to them?

This past year has been hell but the thought of seeing your kids made you want to fight like hell to get back to them. You were stuck inside Dean's head, but you tried everything you could to help him along the way. They don't know what you did but that magic that came from the Scarlet Witch is still inside you. What if you hurt them? What if what made her, her, is still inside you, too?

Maybe they're better off without me. I could leave and they would never know how much of a failure I am. You look away from them and at the empty spot on your ring finger. The spot that used to house such a beautiful ring. You were so horrible to Dean. You did everything you could and said everything you could to hurt him. You did it because you wanted him to hurt. How could he ever be okay with you now? How could he ever forgive you? I don't even forgive me.

"Would you like a refill?"

You look at the kind waitress with tears in your eyes and shake your head.

"No, thanks," you whisper. The waitress leaves the booth, and you see Sam and Dean at the front door right behind where she stood. You look down as they walk over, and Sam sits across from you while Dean sits next to you. "What are you doing here?"

"It took a while to find you, but I figured you wanted to see them."

"You shouldn't be here," you sniffle.

"Come home. We'll figure out what to do next but come home."

"I can't..."

"Yes, you can. What you did wasn't you. That person wasn't you."

"He's right," Sam backs his brother up. "We forgive you."

"Stop it," you cry. "I don't deserve your kindness. I was so horrible to you two. What about Claire? Oh, my God, I killed her."

"She's alive," Sam says. "After you left, she just woke up. She's fine."

"What about Charlie? She's still dead," you cry. "I killed Charlie and that waitress and those two men at the bar and that man in the cabin. Oh, my God."

Dean takes you into his arms and allows you to sob against his chest.

"I forgive you," Dean says.

"Why?" You pull away from him. "Why would you?"

"You're my wife." He takes out your wedding ring from his jacket pocket and holds it out to you. "I made a vow to you. I said, 'You gave me everything I stopped believing in.' I vowed for sickness and health. For better or for worse. That was your worst. Now, it's time to get better."

You open and close your mouth like a fish, stuttering as you try to get the words out. You want to tell them how sorry you are but don't know where to start.

"I can't describe just how sorry I am."

"You don't have to. It's going to be okay."

You know Dean is trying to make you feel better but there is nothing he can do that will make you feel better. Not now.

"No, it's not going to be okay. It can never be okay. You don't know what it's like to wake up one day and realize all the bad things you did. It's like a movie is playing and you're the bad guy but you don't remember doing those things. You just know that you did."

"I do." You look at Sam who has unshed tears in his eyes. "I know what it's like." He reaches across the table and takes your right hand, squeezing it in comfort. "You didn't give up on me when I was soulless. We're not giving up on you. I know it's not easy and it's going to be a long road to recovery but do it with us by your side."

"Come home," Dean says. "We'll take it step by step. One at a time."

You pull your hand back from Sam and look at the ring. You take it with a shaky hand before sliding it where it belongs.

"It's time they come home, too."

Weeks Four

You needed another week to get yourself together if you wanted to face up to your kids. You, Sam, and Dean are outside Jody's house waiting for her to come to the door. You're at the end of the driveway while Sam and Dean are at the front door. When Jody answers it, everything you did and said to her comes back like a freight train crashing into you.

"You had a husband, right?" you smirk. Jody's face hardens as she glares at you but she doesn't answer. "Didn't you have a son? Man, losing two people in one night. That's gotta hurt." Jody opens her mouth to say something but decides against it. "Cat got your tongue? Don't worry, I'm sure your son ate it along with your husband."

The brothers part and allow Jody to approach you. You don't have a chance to say anything because she's pulling you in for a hug.

"Jody, I am so sorry for what I said to you."

"I forgive you."

"Why?"

She pulls away from you. "I could be mad at you and hold a grudge or I can forgive you knowing that you're not that person. You're good and loving and caring, and that's the woman I am forgiving. Now, would you like to see your kids?"

"Yes, please," you nod.

Sam and Dean join your side just as Jody goes back inside the house. The longer you wait, the more you panic because what if they don't want to see you? What if they don't love you anymore? What if they hate you and want to live with Jody? What if they want Jody to be their new mom? Before more thoughts can flood your mind, the front door opens and your kids come piling out of the house.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Joanna screams happily.

She runs over to you and you scoop her up into your arms tightly.

"Oh, my angel," you cry and kiss her head.

Maryann runs on her little legs over to her dad who picks her up, and Noah goes over to Sam who pulls him in for a hug. Zeus and Colonel bark and run around excitedly that you've come back. You give Joanna to her dad while you take Maryann and hold her tightly. Noah hugs your side and you kiss the top of his head lovingly.

"Mama, why are you crying?" Maryann asks.

Hearing her speak in full sentences brings a fresh wave of tears but you force them not to fall. Your bottom lip trembles as you try to think of a response.

"I'm happy, baby. These are tears of happiness."

"Can we finally go home?" Noah asks.

"Yeah, we can."

You set Maryann down and allow Sam and Dean to help the kids and dogs into the car. You walk to Jody and Alex who have been watching from the front door.

"Thank you for taking care of them."

"Of course," Jody nods. "I'm going to check up on you in a few weeks to see how you're doing, okay?"

"Okay," you nod.

Once you get into the car, Dean drives off while Jody and Alex wave to you. I'm going home. The kids are back where they belong. This is a good thing. I'm okay. You repeat those four sentences the entire drive home.

x

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[paragonrobits]

Kyoshi: was I a murderous girlboss the fandom: yes of course! it was SO COOL the way you just destroyed everyone in your path Kyoshi, visibly tired: was I a girlboss when one of the most impactful things I did was create a group that wound up becoming the secret police the fandom: er what Kyoshi, just slumped back and tired beyond belief: they kidnap people and break their minds and turn them into empty shells to act on their orders. that wasn't cool or whatever. it's just depressing. Over a hundred years after my death and all that did was just make things worse the fandom: well, its not like that's a COOL thing but- Kyoshi: I didn't like killing. It wasn't my first choice. Kind of sick of people acting like just ruthlessly crushing everyone in my way was some kind of cool thing. Kyoshi: the first person I killed haunted my dreams. I've been dead a long time and I still don't think it'll just... ever stop haunting me. Blood on your hands never goes away. I don't regret the necessity of it, but I do regret watching people die and knowing I wasn't good enough to have thought of a better way. The fandom: You're being a bit of a buzzkill Kyoshi: well boo fucking hoo, turns out the whole girlboss thing doesn't actually pan out for over a hundred years of grief, suffering and living in the aftermath of Avatar Kuruk, after he died after literally burning his life away doing a thankless task and history just FORGETTING him, and in the setting I live, just crushing everything in your path is actually a BAD THING. who would have guessed I don't look kindly on people treating me like a super badass for having to make hard choices that ultimately didn't always turn out well. WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED.

[tearwolfe]

I'll borrow a warrior cats book from the library and see how it is before buying a book.. shivers in fear, i did not know that..

yeah for sure do not buy them. there's also a bunch of free PDFs online you can read!! or check them out through libby or whatever online library service your local library uses if you don't mind reading from your phone.

gonna use this chance to highlight issues with warriors under the cut!! because i've spent so much time being with this series i have a lot of thoughts. i want to let you know i am not trying to cancel warriors or anything, there's just a lot of issues and i like talking about it.

CW: misogyny, pedophilia, ablism, racism

Okay, we're going to start with the more annoying aspects. First of all, Warriors is written by a ton of different people. They have the main writers outline the plot, and there's a bunch of other people that fill in all the empty space. Kind of an interesting way to do it, but that's why Warriors is able to publish several books a year. Erin Hunter is just a penname for a group.

INCONSISTENCIES

Why do I bring this up, what's the issue? The inconsistencies, dude. There's so many. Character appearances change between books. Dovewing's eye color changes frequently, for example, to the point where there was an internet war about how she would be represented on the Warriors Wiki. Another example is Mapleshade, a cat that's been prevalent as a villain since Crookedstar's Promise. In that book, she's referred to as a ginger-and-white she-cat, but after that she's been described as a calico (er, tortishelle-and-white, because Erin Hunter is somehow allergic to the word calico). Appearances aren't the only inconsistency. Character personalities are a big issue. After the first arc especially, characters will lose what charm they had in their personalities. Suddenly Spottedleaf is in love with Fireheart/star after she dies, suddenly Yellowfang is unwelcoming towards cats who find themselves breaking the Warrior Code (despite being a codebreaker herself and having compassion toward other cats while she was alive). The authors also seem to have trouble keeping track of characters. On one page Sandstorm leaves camp to go on patrol, and a paragraph later she is seen STILL in camp, talking to someone, despite having been written to leave camp. It's a very bizarre series to read. (Other inconsistencies include miswriting names [Ravepaw incident], using the wrong pronouns, and entirely confusing cats between each other). Heavystep also died a few times because the Erins forgot that he died.

MISOGYNY

Outside of poor writing, we're hit with misogyny. Main female characters, in POV, are written at least a little bit better than any of the other she-cats. However, as soon as the next arc starts and she's put out of the limelight, the authors have to give her a mate, give her kits, and make her a mother. There is only ONE POV she-cat I can think of that didn't die and never had kits. Twigbranch is literally the only one. This isn't a dig at being a mother at all, however whenever the Erins DO make a former main character a mother, that's the only trait they give them. Rarely do these she-cats continue to carry the personalities they were given initially.

It's not even a secret that the fandom dislikes when every she-cat is boiled down to being just a babymaker. The Erins literally killed off a she-cat because the fans didn't like the fact that her only personality trait was mom. Yes, this actually did happen.

There's lots of victim-blaming misogyny with whatever is going on between Squirrelflight and Bramblestar and between Leafpool and StarClan. Bramblestar will literally say the worst things to Squirrelflight and the narrative makes it seem like he's in the right. It's not wrong to display unhealthy relationships in media, but if you're writing a KID'S SERIES, it's extremely irresponsible to constantly write the victim as being wrong. This applies to how StarClan blames Leafpool for everything that's happened to her, despite the fact that Crowfeather was also a part of the equation.

Don't even get me started about Spottedleaf's Heart. In summary, Spottedleaf was groomed by Thisteclaw from when she was a kit (and he was a Warrior), and the narrative only makes Thistleclaw a bad guy because he was training in the Dark Forest, not because he is a predator.

ABLEISM

It's absolutely crazy how ableist this series is. In arc one, we have Brightpaw, an apprentice who gets mauled by dogs, and as Bluestar watched, as what she thought was going to be her death bed, she decided to give her her warrior name- a name that she would be stuck with in StarClan. She chose "Lostface." Brightpaw would eventually recover, loosing one of her eyes in the attack, and would live with being called Lostface until Firestar was able to rename her (to Brightheart). The whole renaming thing feels gross enough, but Brightheart is probably the best case scenario of ableism in Warriors, as she was allowed to function as a regular Warrior in the clan. Cinderpelt wasn't so lucky. She was a Warrior apprentice who got hit by a car, mangling her leg. She was then forced to become a Medicine Cat because she "couldn't hunt or fight" (despite the fact that real world cats are able to function completely normally while missing a limb). Longtail lost his vision in a fight with rabbits and he was retired early to the elder's den, despite wanting to be a Warrior. Jayfeather was blind, so he was made a Medicine Cat despite wanting to be a Warrior. Briarlight was paralyzed, so she was put in the Medicine Cat den most of the time despite wanting to be a Warrior. This is a very common theme in the series. Any cat who isn't fully able-bodied is often made to be a Medicine Cat or an Elder, even if that's not what they want. Literally every single Medicine Cat in ThunderClan since Spottedleaf through to Alderheart never wanted to be a Medicine Cat.

Being a Medicine Cat isn't supposed to be a bad role, but the way Warriors uses it as a cop-out to make disabled cats have a more "plot interesting" role without allowing them to be a Warrior is really weird.

ANTI-INDIGENOUS WRITING

I'm not the most knowledgeable person on this topic, however, many Indigenous readers have brought up a lot of issues the series has in terms of being culturally insensitive to native tribes. There's a well-written document that explains this in full detail.

IT'S KIND OF JUST BAD?

The writing isn't good. This goes back to the multi-writer issue. These people can't keep track of their characters or plot, so a lot of things just sort of fall flat. The best plotlines can be found in some of the novellas and graphic novels, and then I think it's because they're mostly written by one person.

How come StarClan can be so vague to living cats, but when we get POV in StarClan, they just act like normal cats? How come Ashfur randomly was super powerful in the Dark Forest/StarClan, while every other cat wasn't? There's just a lot of unexplained stuff, it's very weird.

Warriors is a very interesting series because it's pretty bad yet the fandom is huge. I definitely recommend watching Warriors Multi-Animator-Projects, reading fancomics, and fix-it fanfics instead of actually reading the books. The fans are so, so talented, it's crazy how a never-ending series of children's cat books has created such an insane fanbase.

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

Just struck me that I still don’t know whether the Veil should be taken down or not.

For ten years, I’ve read Solavellan stories of Lavellan fighting tooth and nail to prevent the Veil from coming down. These stories were from the very reasonable perspective that “What’s done is done. Modern Thedas has problems just as the Pre-Veil world did. You need to let go of your regrets and live with the consequences. You can make change here and now in the present.” In pretty much every Solavellan story that tackles this topic of Past v. Present, Lavellan is using her political influence to secure serious change for elves and greater protections for the Dalish especially. These stories are not in favor of preserving the abusive status quo. Rather, Lavellan convinces Solas that his place is at her side teaching the elves the truth of the gods and the past and using his Wisdom to change hearts and minds as he always wished.

There’s also the obvious “Why are you risking the mass deaths of all these people? Is there really no way to take down the Veil safely? Safely-er???”

But for people who want the Veil to be taken down, the arguments can be summarized as the Veil being the status quo, and its continued existence is perpetuating it. The world was meant to be magical; the Veil must be undone to bring the world back to what it normally was. The elves deserve their power and magic back, etc. etc. One could argue that Solas keeping the veil up is him still bound to his past decisions, and worse, folding to the pressure of the status quo and betraying his role of rebeller.

The biggest point of contention for me is that it is not made clear in the slightest what exactly will happen if the Veil is taken down, and while I’m all for the destruction of oppressive systems, when it comes to something like literal MAGIC, I feel like I’m well within my right to be skeptical and apprehensive since Solas is pointedly vague about the specifics. In Trespasser, he says, to paraphrase “..even if this world must die”. The word die is not expounded upon. Die, how? Are we talking the abstract, metaphorical meaning of the word “die” (i.e. the French monarchy ‘died’ and a republic government was born from it), or do we mean a more visceral “die” (i.e. it’s gonna be like a nuclear reactor meltdown and people are going to keel over like they stepped into the Elephant Foot room in Chernobyl because of the sudden tsunami of magic re-entering the world), or do we mean both?

Solavellan fics have taken this to mean what is essentially a global genocide that will destroy most people, and thus the arguments with Solas over the years have been, to sum up a few examples, “You killed a world. You would kill a second world to bring back the first?” and ‘We *are* just as real as the ancient elves were. You need to accept that we are, and accept that the Elvhen empire is gone.” and “We are (elves) are not lesser than our ancestors, we are different. This world is no more broken than the one before. You had all the magic in the world and the elves used it to enslave and kill one another and tranquil the Titans. In this world we have far less access to magic and similar issues with slavery and the Chantry and Tevinter mageocracy. The suffering is just as widespread, but the magnitude is lesser by several degrees (the difference between the devastation and suffering incurred from medieval warfare v. modern warfare).”

The contention of not wanting Solas to tear down the Veil hinges on this ambiguity, and of Solas not seeing the modern elves as real or his people.

Now we can argue: “Solas is lost in the sauce of regret and more than a little blinded from culture shock and nostalgia in his motivation to tear down the veil since half of it stems from his wish to bring back the eminence and power of the ancient elves.’ —-From this we can only surmise what his intentions are here, even. Does he mean elevation and equality (elves will be more powerful but not necessarily treated as superior to the other races—separate but equal), or does he mean ‘the elves were far more powerful and superior to other races in their own way, and we are restoring that’, with the implication that, like elves in other fantasies, they’ll have powers and eminence that could overshadow the other races, and that is simply how nature intended it to be (read: sneaking in some soft social darwinist essentialism))—-‘but yes, the Veil does need to come down because the byproduct will be that elves and mages get more power’.

And beyond that resides a semi magical ecological reason: his wish to see magic and spirits meld with the world once again since that’s how it originally was. The Veil, he states, is unnatural.

What is also confusing is between Trespasser and Veilguard, Solas remains inconsistent on who “the people” are. In a memory he says “the people need me”. Veilguard makes it out like he’s somewhat quietly accepted the modern elves as his people. Probably lesser or somewhat rendered inferior by their supreme distance from the elvhen empire and their lack of magic, but still his responsibility, the living legacy of his mistakes.

I suppose the thorn in my brain is that

The ironic thing is that I’m all for the destruction of the status quo and oppressive systems so long as there’s a clear, cohesive game plan. Fucking go nuts. But when it comes to change in fictional worlds, I get really nervous, probably because most people don’t know how to write or plot out massive societal change in a way that’s believable or well-thought out since fiction can’t ever competently account for the infinite fractals of perspective and experience under such tumultuous events. There is always going to be some glaring oversight since fiction authors are forced to cram a thousand different affected elements into a single narrative, and you will always end up with a story that either leans pro-revolution or anti-revolution, even if it’s a 51%/49% split. Someone is going to be unhappy with the argument made by the text in question. Someone is going to argue that it doesn’t account for X, Y, Z…

Where am I going with this.. Yeah I’m conflicted about the “to tear down the veil or not” because it is so wrapped up in one man’s personal emotional journey. Liberals like to inexplicably twist and weave individual stories into revolution narratives in order to 1) humanize a large abstract political movement but also 2) Use the character as a personification of the movement, with their personality and morality a direct reflection of the morality, and thus validity, of the movement.

It’s an ouroboros of logos and pathos ethos. We can sympathize with Solas because of the cause he champions. By way of literary device, our view of the cause is (deliberately or unconsciously) meant to be influenced by Solas’s personality: the face of the Rebellion and of elf emancipation, a thoughtful, somber, conflicted man with many huge blunders and misjudgments under his belt. He means well, but will his plan work? Perhaps it’s best that everything be left alone. He’s the one with the power to pull it off, but how many of his plans have backfired? This along with the aforementioned ambiguity of what will happen to the world when it’s torn down leaves us with a discordant uncertainty. We want elves to have rights, we want mages to be more free, we want spirits to not be so easily corrupted.

The writers clearly want the Veil to be kept up. It’s “the right thing to do” because tearing down the Veil will mean the “death” of modern Thedas. The fact there isn’t an outright statement of “yeah this is what will happen during this ‘death’” is used as a discouragement, but I feel like that sticking point was written in a day and age when people had fucks left to give about the system, when there was still a healthy fear of unknown risk and a preference for a theoretical scenario where change is slow, regimented, monitor-able, with casualties all but 0.

The game peddling this same fear of change in 2024 is being given to a world that is now more and more commonly scoffing at reluctance to implement systemic change for fear of the unknown. “Who cares, elves deserve rights.”

But is the world Solas is promising actually possible? He has done so many things that have resulted in disastrous, world-changing, life-ruining, unintended consequences. We simply don’t know how modern bodies will react to a sudden global influx of magic to the atmosphere, how many benign spirits will become corrupted when they’re suddenly in direct contact with mortals who are just stewing in their negative emotions that will be undoubtedly heightened by the apocalypse. There are bubbles of the Veil that act all funky and get Veil jumpers killed all the time. Those are simply bubbles.

Varric: People are dying

Solas: That’s what people do

All art is political. It all has a message. Unintended, intended, subliminal, explicit, personal, popular interpretation, weird tinfoil hattery.

The cognitive dissonance, or discomfort I feel is that Solas’s story exemplifies two simultaneous arguments: One, that you need to move on past your regret. You need to live here, now. Life is making mistakes. You may make the largest mistakes, you may work every day to atone for them, but at a certain point you need to accept that this is what life is. You can mourn, you can grieve, you can even still feel pangs of guilt and shame, but you have to be more than that, more than a martyr. Some people are not meant to be the hero. You should focus on putting good into the world now, changing it for the future, not to seek out the past.

That is a beautiful tragic sentiment, especially when the sorrow and guilt are magnified a thousand-fold by the knowledge that your actions have led to the death and suffering of so many in your sincere pursuit of protecting people. When does the sense of responsibility and duty become a spiral of self-destruction? When is the time to stop when all of your efforts make things worse and worse? Solas was a man who took action when action is clearly not in his wheelhouse because the grass is always greener for him. He cannot live with making huge pyrrhic choices because he empathizes so keenly with all sapient life and the tragedy of “what could’ve been”…

But then the second underlying argument posed by the upkeep of the Veil, if you’re Epler: Revolution is bad. Change even for a good cause is bad. Live with the shit rules you have.

idk I’m just getting my thoughts down. I guess I’m still pro- preserve the Veil solely because my personality forbids me from committing to such a choice without knowing the full list of side effects, which Solas (or maybe the writers themselves) haven’t thought out. And again it’s really weird because I don’t have these same reservations about real world social justice and progress. 😶