#I’m a liability

[midnightepiphany]

Have you ever gotten to the point where you’re like “I shouldn’t watch that movie cause I will make it my entire personality for the next couple of months”?

[borderlinebelle]

Someone in my life, someone that pursued a relationship with me, has put up a boundary and chosen to exit my life because I trigger them.

EDIT: Despite what I wrote earlier in the day while emotionally charged (see below…) I’m choosing to believe this decision is what’s best for the other person, so it will be what is best for me.

Sometimes people leave our lives for reasons that have nothing to do with us and everything to do with choosing to care for themselves first… and that’s okay. I’m trying not to internalize and to instead regroup and keeping moving forward in my search for more genuine human connection.

feel the feeling, sit with it, let it go, stretch: grow forward

🧠

Logically I understand this person is doing what they need to do to keep themselves safe but it’s guttting to have it confirmed that I’m the fucking problem.

baby really hurt me, crying in the taxi

he don't wanna know me

says he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm

says it was poison

I left this friend on read on Monday while I wrapped up a 20 hour shift that went through the night. It was also my son’s birthday so after working those 20 hours I dragged my bones home to sing my son happy birthday. I fell asleep on the couch and then it was Tuesday and I was rushing to work where I got battered a bit by my inability to get things done on time and so I didn’t respond to him until I was walking into my home Tuesday and … I triggered him. My inability to communicate triggered him and for him it was the last straw.

I had probably triggered him a dozen times before. Too chaotic, too childish, too self absorbed, too scattered, too flighty, too much.

He said he thought he had a problem with alcohol and a problem with our friendship. He never did quit drinking but he sure as fuck quit me.

Too much. Too much. Too much. Between the bpd and the adhd… Always too much.

I thought this person was my friend. I … do not understand why I am so delusional in believing I can make an actual friend but it’s exhausting to keep trying.

People, men in particular, will seek me out looking to fill their needs… she’s so full of life, she’s so funny, she’s so pretty, she’s so wonderful, she’s got such a “good heart”.

I try to be open and kind and honest and myself… I stupidly allow myself to be VULNERABLE…. again and again … and then once they’re done with me, it’s directly to the nearest trash. 🚮

the truth is I am a toy that people enjoy

‘til all of the tricks don't work anymore

and then they are bored of me

i know that it's exciting running through the night, but

every perfect summer's eating me alive until you're gone

better on my own

I’m so toxic he can’t even speak to me anymore. 🙂

Everybody agrees.

Friends communicate. Friends work it out. Friends … TRY. Were you ever really my friend? Why not communicate with me? Maybe we both could have grown… but it’s not even worth the fucking effort. I’m not even worth the effort.

The reality of being the manic pixie dream girl is so fucking lonely and gutteral. It’s being the fucking pretty positive ray of sunshine everyone wants to talk to, but the person no one wants once they get to know.

[briarsheart]

Lorde really fucking said:

“The truth is, I am a toy that people enjoy til all of the tricks don’t work anymore, and then they grow bored of me.”

I’m a liability. I am Lorde. I cry every time that damn song comes on.

[oscarbewildered]

When Devi said "What if nobody ever loves me because I'm always too much?", it hit home like there were multiple times when I felt that too like I'm always too much and not everyone can handle this fact, they end up leaving, or you end up being the friend who was just there, the one that everyone knows but doesn't actually know she's just there, trying hard to fit in but never fits in. You feel like a liability so you just start to push everyone away, because you know they'll leave sooner or later.

[femcowboy]

i want a love that i can wear proudly on my sleeve, right next to my heart

[justascrollingghost]

If my children are anything like me i’m absolutely fucked because my poor parents have had “jumped off the third story off a boat into the sea and bruised my tailbone” and “fell out of a jeep and sprained my ankle” all in the space of 2 days whilst I’m a 4 hour flight away on holiday😂

[hughlegat]

Alex Rider

[knocknut]

there is nothing that makes me quite more suicidal than fucking something up or not doing something at all than “you’re a grown adult” wow thanks I didn’t fucking notice. Did you know that I have a mental block that prevents me from understanding literally anything in simple terms

[foxgloveinspace]

I did what I always do when I get this storm anxiety and I watched goofy videos and reels all day and today ha get like three days and also I’m just so so so stressed about tomorrow night cause my whole family is gonna be split up around the county and I’m so so…. Not ok.

[fuckingjaehyolike]

What is your BPD song… And why is it “Liability” by Lorde?

[stromer]

sources are saying we’re so back

[nelfs]

my male coworker who is always talking shit was like “this young lady should work with the greenhouse with (older female coworker). But no, we have (young male coworker) back there and her with us! we need more manpower! no offense, I don’t mean to discriminate”. and he brings smaller carrying buckets for me and everyone flips out if I try to pick up something they think is too heavy. they don’t think I can work!

I didn’t say anything when he said that because i dont foresee myself being here long and im not trying to make this environment any more uncomfortable than it already is, but i am getting seriously singled out and patronized here and it sucks. It makes me miserable and defiant. also these guys are getting paid decently to do ONE TINY FRACTION of the work that my female coworkers and I did on the farm. this work is absolutely nothing whatsoever compared to that job. they have soooo much more “manpower” than they need (and so much male drama). but I dont feel like I have anything to prove so I’m just gonna gtfo as fast as I can. this job is driving home how important it is for me to work with women -_-

[kingkatsuki]

This is literally me and Bakugou no shame.

[stagehunt]

i’m going to be at work when the aven banner starts haha this is fine

[shadwife]

I hate when stores have items locked up. I know people around here are thieves, but maybe it wouldn’t be so easy to steal if you weren’t operating your store on a skeleton crew and there was always somebody up front. Maybe you should simply invest in guards if theft is such a concern for you, instead of making me run around and look for the single person scheduled, so they can look for a key to unlock a case so I can buy fucking eye drops. Not even anything expensive. I hate CVS so much it’s unreal. I have half a mind to just shatter one of these cases next time I see them.