#is fucking humiliating. you cannot understand how this feels

[motordyk]

there is nothing that makes me quite more suicidal than fucking something up or not doing something at all than “you’re a grown adult” wow thanks I didn’t fucking notice. Did you know that I have a mental block that prevents me from understanding literally anything in simple terms

[livinahey]

Random astro obs bcs y not

Warning ⚠️ mentions of abuse and trauma

scorpio luminaries & luminaries aspect to pluto (especially harsh aspect) almost be always know when something/someone is gonna do no good to you. If they warn you ab something then just follow them. Bcs what they say is scarily often end up being true

Also, if from the first meet these natives STRONGLY dislike you even though you didnt do anything then yeah.... Youre the problem lol. No matter if youre everyone crush, everyone sweetheart, or whatever is that. Again, like I said before, they seems to always know when something/someone is not good

These natives can also scared of themselves bcs of this

I think we admire ppl who have our mars sign as their sun sign

Sag sun with water moon women makes the loyal partner 🥺🤧 be it business partner, in friendship, or as a lover. Don't leave them.

When you see mars square pluto native gets bad mood or even angry.... RUN

Bcs they can be so violent at that time and you dont want to see that

Same goes to cap moon 💀

Women with moon square bml (black moon lilith) always have the best glow ups ✨✨🤧 im so proud (and bit jealous lol) of you dear

Mercury in leo degrees (5, 17, 29) being sooooo charming. They be say "hi" only and you already weak(???) lol

Leo venus 🤝 cant go a day without boasting what they love, be it their hobbies, their job, their loved ones, their pet, or even the place where they live lol. So passionate

I'm not surprised if theyre the one that have many posts on their social media account

Ppl with big 6 at 6 degrees (virgo degree) can be seen as villain

Moon conjunct jupiter synastry: when the moon person getting humiliated/disrespect, the jupiter person be defending the moon person. Also, the moon person can have soft spot for the jupiter person

Natal aspects to sun i like are sun conjunct mars and sun-pluto any major aspects. The word "sexy" is literally made for them lol.

TW ABUSE

women with cap or cancer mars plsssss check again the man you choose to date or even marry. Bcs i often see these women end up experience being abused severely by their man in their relationship. Men often being intimidated by these women yet still wanna date them. These women do dating man that seems cool and amazing or even adorable person outside BUT UNFORTUNATELY it turns out that the man are the worst person ever. At worst case, the man's family dislike these women due to jealousy towards them. No matter how bad these women get treated by the man, the man's family will still defend the man and treated these women as if theyre the problem 💔

Also, these women can dealing with fucking crazy men that cannot accept being rejected by them atleast once in their life. Scary af

Gemini moon/mars are naturally funny without even trying ✋😭

Sag/pisces rising 🤝 always have ppl crushing over them and even become worshipping them

Libra rising are so beautiful and it seems unbelievable

Cancer rising and their terrible mood swing 🤕 yet still look like the most calm and unbothered person ever

Mercury-bml aspects culture is having what they say being questioned. And if they have sun-uranus aspects too then.... Good luck trying to understand them 🥴

Mercury-bml aspects is underrated funny placements imo. They be say questionable thing but idk i find it funny tho 😩

Scorpio rising and having traumatic experience/memories when they young that seems keep haunting them even until they become old :(

Also they often get disappointed by their family :( they can give all their family members a mountain of gold, being so kind to them to the point they forgetting their own needs and this scorpio rising still getting unappreciated & bad treatment. PLS APPRECIATE SCORPIO RISING IN UR LIFE !!❤‍🩹🫂 they are one of sincere people that often attracts evil eye that doesnt wanna see them being success

Whats with earth rising and having this disgusted/judging look 🥲

They can look at you normally and you will feel that theyre judging you even if they arent

Sag rising and leo rising 🤝 having beef with eachother

Same goes to taurus sun x gemini sun

Cap sun x virgo sun friendship be the weird yet funny pair

Every leo placement always have virgo placement in their life

They can have love-hate relationship with eachother tho lol.

And the same goes to every cap placement that always have aries placement in their life

You either love the opposite sex that has the same mars sign as you OR going "mehh" of them

Earth rising 🤝 secured financially. Maybe you never catched them worry ab not having money to save their life

Hey thank you for reading this so far!! I do these obs not bcs I wanna gain followers or what but bcs I found these things give me joy hehe ✌🏻 english isnt my first language so apologize for any grammar mistakes. be safe out there!! 🫂✨

[planet-dusk]

Imagine

Jeongin is your roommate, actually there was nothing between you two. But when it come to him wearing glasses, its just something else. It brings the dirtiest images of this situation. you cannot let this opportunity slip anymore; youre riding jeongin, praising him, kissing and nibbing on his skin. He is not understanding anything and dont know how it even started

-🤡

🏷️ fingering, oral (f) implied, mentions of perv!jeongin

with his glasses askew, his hair mussed and purple bruises decorating his collarbones jeongin’s a living vision of debauchery.  

you’re seated in his lap and he doesn’t know where to put his hands. your skirt has ridden up so high he can almost see your lace thong. he knows you’re wearing the black one with the little bow on the front; he’d watched you fish it out of the dryer earlier and had made a mental note to pocket it later. 

somewhere between then and now you’d come home from the club and pounced. it’d happened so fast jeongin’s brain is still struggling to catch up. it doesn’t help that most of his blood is rushing south. 

“these fucking glasses,” you mutter between sharp nips at his skin. it hurts more than he’d like but he doesn’t dare to stop you. doesn’t want you to even if he should know better. he can’t ruin things. not with you. 

“you’re drunk,” he protests weakly, “we shouldn’t —”

“shut up, i’ve only had three drinks,” you push at his shoulders. your strength surprises him. it also turns him on, which isn’t helping. neither are the words you utter next: 

“yang jeongin, listen to me. i need you to fuck me. right now.” 

never in a million years did he expect to hear those words coming from you. he stares at your face, searching it for any signs of trickery. this has to be a prank. it’s either that or he’s dreaming. 

“what about jisung?” 

jeongin’s not sure why he asks. he doesn’t give a shit about jisung. 

“what about who,” you scoff and roll your eyes. jisung is the guy you’d been dating for the past couple weeks. ‘dating’ is a big word; it’d been more fucking than dating, with very little room for any conversation. it probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. “he left with minho’s sister.”

it all makes sense to him now. you’re horny, and jisung left you high and dry. jeongin pushes the bitter taste of being used as a rebound away and tentatively puts his hands on top of your bare thighs. this might be his only chance. 

“c’mon, innie, don’t be shy,” you giggle. why do you have to be so cute even when you’re teasing him? “i know you want me.” 

he lets his gaze drift from your eyes to your mouth. fuck, you have no idea how badly he wants you. 

“the walls are thin, y’know. i can hear you moaning my name at night.”

his eyes snap back up, feline eyes now wide and rounded, his ears turning the brightest shade of pink you’ve ever seen. you giggle again and grind your hips against his. jeongin’s so hard he’s sure he’s going to explode if you keep doing that. somehow the thought of you knowing about his little crush is more enticing than embarrassing. or maybe today’s the day he discovers he’s got a thing for humiliation. he realizes he doesn’t care. not when your skin is hot underneath his palms and you’re making the neediest little noises. 

“i need your fucking hands. the amount of times i’ve fantasized about these long fingers…” 

jeongin swallows hard. you’ve thought about him too? 

he tightens his grip on your thighs and his mouth finds yours easily. the kiss is hungry and eager, more teeth and tongue than necessary as you lick into his mouth like you want to devour him. the low moan he lets out only seems to spur you on. 

encouraged by your enthusiasm jeongin pushes your sodden underwear to the side and teases your slit with two fingers. he grins when he feels how soaked you are. “all this because of some glasses?”

you’re not laughing anymore, jaw going slack and eyes rolling back when he finds your clit. “down,” you tug at his shoulders and clamber off his lap. he lets you maneuver him into position, reclining on the couch with your thighs on both sides of his head. “the answer is you, you idiot. but you can keep the glasses on.”

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

DROP YOUR DX FOR VOX !!!!! Please and thank you.

I would like to preface all my posts on headcanons related to psychology and mental illness with a disclaimer: diagnosing mental conditions, especially personality disorders, can be extremely challenging. It's a complicated process that relies heavily on a psychologist's interpretation of facts, making it susceptible to biases. Personality disorders cannot be diagnosed based on surface-level observations and are not just labels that we can assign to people like in the case of MBTI. Additionally, I am not a clinician with any expertise in diagnosing people. Therefore, the following post should not be taken as a reliable professional opinion. It's simply my interpretation of the internal mechanisms that may be responsible for the behavior of certain characters in my fan fiction. Furthermore, I want to make it clear that I have no intention of stigmatizing people with personality disorders by associating them with villains. A personality disorder does not determine someone's character or make them a bad person. Some characters may be evil because of the choices they make, not as a result of their mental conditions.

(I've already posted some stuff here so I'm not going to repeat myself.)

Okay, so, Vox has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It's crucial to distinguish this from "common narcissism" (people often described as "narcissists" by others just because they are egotist assholes; kinda ableist, you shouldn't do it because it's extremely stigmatizing towards people suffering with actual NPD) . While those individuals typically function well, those with NPD exhibit all the traits – grandiosity, egocentrism, attention-seeking, intense power fantasies – but as it's a disorder, these traits lead to inflexible and maladaptive patterns of behavior and cognition.

NPD has its roots in intense feelings of shame, low self-compassion, and self-loathing. In my interpretation, Vox has always felt inadequate. His father inherited an enormous amount of money, establishing a media conglomerate in the 20's. Vox's mother, captivated by the world of movies, used them to escape her reality as a trophy wife. Despite her dreams of becoming an actress, Vox's father, possessive and protective, prevented her entry into the entertainment industry. As a compromise, he made their son a child actor, with the condition that it would be temporary. When Vox grew older, he was expected to transition to learning business and other skills, ultimately to take over the family's empire.

So, Vox was never enough for either of his parents. His father thought of him as annoying and unserious due to his talkativeness and exaggerated behaviors, attributing it to growing up surrounded by actors. As for his mother... Vox turned out to be a terrible actor, struggling to convey emotions that weren't bombastic and over-the-top. Being a teenager is humiliating enough, but imagine being a teenager bad at something and forced to do it for a worldwide audience, when the whole production crew is annoyed with you. Fortunately, he grew up to be devilishly handsome (not to be a simp, I just believe someone must be handsome to endure the ethereal punishment of having their face swapped for a TV screen) and entertaining, leading them to make him a TV host and media personality.

Anyway, NPD is all about creating a perfect self and projecting it to the world when you're deeply ashamed of your true self. It means that, no matter what you're doing, you're constantly concerned about how it looks to other people. You constantly play an exhausting game, trying to win gold stars of social admiration for every-fucking-thing, guided by superficial ideals of wealth, perfection, beauty, and, above all, power. One reason Alastor's existence bothers Vox so much is the fact that he cannot comprehend the idea of someone choosing radio over his "objectively better and correct" medium. Vox lacks the ability to understand nuanced sentiments, which ironically makes him thrive in Hell. In this anarchocapitalist, lawless society, survival of the fittest prevails, and this is a game he excels at playing.

Generally, the best approach for individuals with NPD is to pull them out of delusional thinking by confronting their beliefs about the world and themselves with reality (it should be performed by qualified therapist, especially when someone hasn't completed any kind of therapeutic process yet). However, in Hell, Vox's behavior was no longer in violation of social norms; on the contrary, it was highly rewarded. Consequently, he completely lost his shit, became unhinged, and began acting on all his previously suppressed urges. He finally fulfilled all narcissistic power fantasies and became (almost) untouchable. Now, he's ready to kill anyone who questions him, seeing it as threatening to his fragile image of the perfect self.

He exhibits strong bipolar tendencies. Most of the time, he's power-tripping in a semi-maniacal state. Periodically, he undergoes deep, depressive episodes, locking himself up in his apartment and avoiding interaction.

Constantly guarding this fragile image of the perfect self that he built is exhausting. The bigger this image gets, the more fragile it becomes, like a house of cards. And guarding it becomes more and more exhausting. But there's nothing scarier than the idea of the facade falling apart and people seeing him as he is: imperfect and vulnerable, damaged and ashamed, rotten and evil. Deep down, he knows he's unlovable, and it hurts. He knows that true love exists; he craves this ultimate form of admiration and devotion, but it requires vulnerability and honesty, which he's not capable of. He's only vulnerable with Valentino, and only occasionally when he's intoxicated or when Val fucks every last thought out of his body. He's very much a controlling top insecure about his masculinity, so the latter happens rarely.

Also, drugs. Oh, do this man enjoy some coke. Other drugs and booze, not so much; they make him feel less in control. But getting coked up, going out, causing a scene, killing some poor souls, and relishing this feeling of being completely untouchable? Feels so good.

When it comes to Alastor, he hates him because he's jealous. Despite all his efforts—building a perfect persona, a perfect company, perfect entertainment—this stinky, outdated, and boring radio demon gets so much attention and admiration that should be his. Moreover, he feels that Alastor can see right through his bullshit. He's so paranoid about it that he's almost certain Alastor knows about his childhood traumas, about his death, about all his truths, and could one day broadcast it for all people of Hell to hear. So, he needs him dead.

Note: these headcanons (especially Vox's past) are very important part of my fanfiction. Please feel free to use them in your fics but I'll appreciate if you tag me 🩷

Velvette hc | Valentino hc | Vees + Angel hc | VoxVal hc

[cosmicisms]

alhaitham nsfw headcanons

minors do not interact.

gn!reader.

warnings: mentions of spanking, humiliation, edging, penetration, degradation.

author’s note: god i’m so down bad for this man 💔

- definitely a top. will laugh and taunt you if you try to top him. it’ll likely take a good amount of convincing (and some of his pride being swallowed) to allow you to top him.

- when alhaitham slips his cock into you, it’s after a big amount of foreplay. he’s not one to rush things, understandably wanting to enjoy the moment and get the two of you into the right mood.

- namely by touching your erogenous zones and some dirty talk sprinkled in here and there.

- if you get needy and try and move onto his cock, he’ll slap your ass firmly and tut with a teasing lilt to his voice. if he’s especially mean, he’ll prolong the amount of time until he lets you have his cock.

- alhaitham takes his time when it comes to sex, as mentioned already. when he finally slips his aching length into you, he takes a moment to fully embrace the feeling.

- as soon as he bottoms out, he’ll squeeze your hips and tip his head back slightly, shutting his eyes and swallowing, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

- the sensations are so much! alhaitham will try to cover up his noises of pleasure through grunts and deep, shaky breaths, swearing lowly.

- “f-fuck, you feel so good, y/n…” alhaitham slowly starts to move, thrusting slowly to allow you time to process everything.

- on that note, he keeps a keen eye out for your reactions. he just can’t seem to tear his gaze away from you, enamoured by the way you squeeze your eyes shut and grab at the sheets.

- he likes it rough, whether that be slamming his hips into yours without pause, or when you drag your fingernails across his back.

- however, he will stop if asked, and will talk about upping the intensity before actually initiating anything. he just wants to make sure you’re enjoying yourself too.

- alhaitham will lightly degrade you, nothing too mean (unless you want it, of course). usually he’ll growl and whisper things like: “that’s it, take it like a whore”, or “you’re my good little slut, aren’t you?”

- will shower you with plenty of praise after you guys are done though! strong arms wrapped around your form, chests pressed flush against each other’s, alhaitham will kiss your forehead and mumble into your skin; “you did so well, love,” and he’ll thank you for letting him indulge in you.

- this man has a lot of pent up energy, despite his aloofness. he’s definitely into some hardcore stuff, on top of being rough. things like spanking, bondage, humiliation, etc.

- loves edging, too! alhaitham gains pleasure from watching the crystalline tears slide down your face as he denies you of another orgasm, mercilessly grinning down at you. he’ll dance his fingertips along your sensitive parts, never truly letting you reach your high.

- on top of that, he’ll make you beg for him. not satisfied until he sees your face contort with the embarrassment and your eyes well up with tears.

- cannot stop touching you when he’s not edging you, though. bro does not know how to keep his hands to himself. he’ll constantly have them running all over your body, mapping out and learning off where your most sensitive areas are. for later use <3

- speaking of sensitive parts, alhaitham’s ears are his weak point. caress or even gently nibble at his ears, and he’ll be biting back whines as his face flushes red.

- agh~! you… huh? n-no, i didn’t like that…” he’ll try to cover it up, but judging by the smirk on your face, he knows his secret is unfortunately out.

- overall, he’s a passionate lover, even if physical touch and words of affirmation aren’t his main love languages. he’s just so needy and whipped for you, he just can’t help himself!

- his aftercare is nice. always keeps water and a few snacks at the ready once you’re finished. will also draw a bath for you, and offer to help you get cleaned up. however, his self-control could slip, so tread lightly <3

[jaehymrk]

you are losing me.

jude bellingham x fem!reader. angst authornote: whatever this was, angst. it is not the best, but i did it for my own sad life, thank you for reading. <3

It is not the first time you have been in a relationship. There were plenty that left and plenty you left yet there was a string of hope that bloomed with Jude, you felt this man, with all the hardship, it was the endgame for you.

With every moment with him where you laughed, smiled, and cried pierced into your mind as you stomped your way through the building he was sharing in England before returning back to Madrid.

The humiliation that burnt on your throat only ranged worse in every bitter minute. Tear filled in your eyes as you slammed his door open, ignoring all the greetings that were given to you in the hallway. "You cannot fucking do that to me." You laughed dryly, feet dragging toward him.

Jude stood in front of you, eyes scanning the room to see of his teammates lurking around. Glancing the face you missed so dearly while he was away. You shut your eyes not wanting to lash out, while you clenched your hand to resist touching him, to feel the man on your skin.

"Give me a reason," You asked stepping out from his boundaries. He stood in utter silence. His eyes soften as it landed on your eyes that were staring at his, that were begging his. He sighed still not giving you a word.

You nodded your head, "Alright, give me a fucking excuse." You screamed, hands on your hip in frustration on the man who broke you off through a simple text. You scoffed rushing your hand through your hair on the absurd situation.

Jude had explanations dancing on his tongue yet how stupid would he sound if he said out loud that his feelings were starting to become a burden, that he has no capability to put you or this relationship before his career and how not being around you has become a habit that with you, Jude has nothing to offer but meaningless words.

Yet his heart twitched seeing your eyes in tears that he caused, trembling lips he once kissed, and loved is now sobbing cries; and it is all him.

You nodded, "I understand distance is too much for you but we talked this through before, did we not?" You asked, pleaded for Jude to speak saying he did not mean it, to assure you he is not going anywhere, to hold you in his embrace.

"We have done this distance before and we were doing well."

"And for how long will we keep doing that?" He spoke loudly.

His voice crushed your heart on how much he was bringing himself to reason out this with you. With his eyes, it crushed your heart harder as for the first time, you saw the tiredness hiding in his eyes, the light for you getting dimmer. You smiled sadly, accepting his words and every meaning behind that did not leave his lips but pinched through your heart.

Jude has given up on you.

"See it was not that hard, was it?" You dryly chuckled, stepping further away from him. Jude reached out for you only for you to reject his touch. He has lost his rights on you, on each part of you.

"This would not have happened if you could have just explained yourself properly through your fucking text," You hissed at the man in anger, there were no reason for you to hold onto the brick of anger in pain. "Fuck, I am just standing here like a fucking fool in front of a man who does not even love me anymore."

Jude stared sternly. "Watch your fucking words."

"Am I wrong though?" You challenged.

Jude wanted to scream out, to agree that you were wrong, oh, he just wanted to hold you, hold you so much, to deny that he does not love you anymore, he does. He wanted to go down on his knees and ask for your forgiveness; but what can he offer you after?

Again, with nothing, he stood there. "Fuck you and your fuckass attitude." You shook your head in disbelief.

Sighing, you decided to walk out.

"If I still love you, what would happen next?" He asked, eyebrows furrowed in frustration. Frustrated with himself, with you, with this relationship that he has risked out for the sake of letting you go that he was really doing it for himself.

"Then we fight for this fucking relationship, jude. This is what we do when we decide to love each other earnestly, did we not?" You grieved out, reasoning out to fight, fucking fight for you.

Jude answered in silence.

You paused your footsteps outside the door, "I am giving you one more chance. Tell me we can do this together and I will forgive you." You screamed for him to hear, your back facing him. Tears free flowing down your cheeks.

"Jude, please." please, please please.

Pathetically you tried, "If I crossed this fucking door, I will never take you back, I will forget about you, I will . . never ask about you. So, just do not let me leave please."

Jude sat down on his couch, tears trippled down his cheeks as no words left his lips.

Pathetically you tried one last time, screaming, not caring who is out there to listen. "Do not ever show me your face, never."

"Denise, hi." You waved cheerfully in front of the Bellingham door with your fuzzy hat secured on your head and gloves on your hand. She smiled back, nodded her head in acknowledgement.

"Would you mind asking Jude to come out for awhile?" You requested, kicking the snow out from your way. In all truth, you were nervous, still nervous of her despite her apporval, "It is just, like, it is raini- hold up, not raining. I mean, snowing crazy. I just wanted to enjoy it with Jude." You giggled in uneasiness clear on your tone, endlessly touching your neck.

She glanced at you deeply. "I will ask him to come out, darling. Please, wait inside." You shook your head fiercely, there were not many confidence in you left to speak to Mark. Denise had already made her way in to notify Jude.

Hearing upon that, Jude rushed inside the shared room with Jobe, hurriedly grabbed his scarfs, mitten and a cozy hat before exiting. He saw you shivering regardless of wearing multiple layers under.

Jude rushed to embrace you from behind, spinning you around and around. You shut your eyes, giggling at your boyfriend's childish behaviour. "We will fall, babe." You whined to your boyfriend responded with more giggles leaving from him.

"Oh, we are falling, oh god, wai-" Jude laughed as he landed on the snow. You landed softly on his chest. With rosy cheeks, and red ears that were not covered enough.

You prayed for the moment to last forever but Jude has bigger dreams ahead of him that do not revolve on you anymore.

With no words exchanged, you laid on the road, Jude followed next to you. In silence, you observed the full moon up in the sky. The round moon that were as clear as your lover's eyes that stared down at you with so much love and pain.

"I am not ready to imagine how much I will miss you once you are gone but I know, I will be able to find you." You reassured the silent boy next to you. Jude did not speak, worryingly you glanced to see his eyes buried in his own tears. "Like how you will find me at the end right?" You chuckled, holding his hand tighter.

"I love you so much." He whispered, wrapping his arm around your waist burying his face on the nape of your neck. You nodded, "I know, baby. I love you too but you know, I am never going to give up on you."

You raised your hand to remove his face from your neck to look at your more closely. "Even if you break up with me, I will come running to you." He mumbled that were inaudible as you had your palm pressed on his cheeks.

"I will never do that to you." You assured.

How bittersweet that Jude Bellingham was your lover, but how fruitful that he was your first love, the lover you shamelessly stalk at the middle of the night to see more about his whereabouts, the lover you would talk about to your friends, or your acquaintances that you have experienced love that it was raw and true.

[icanseethefuture333]

Random ass question, but what do you think is the best way for a 4/10 girl to become at least a 7 out of 10? I’m aware that “beauty is subjective” but I’m literally below average, 4/10 is being lenient for me lol

How to have confidence in your physical appearance 🎀

First of all sweetie,

let's not rate ourselves on a scale about how pretty we are! It's really degrading and I feel like you deserve so much better than that. Living in a generation where filters are oversaturated, people using AI to edit their photos, and incels with porn addictions and have never felt the touch of a woman, will call the most beautiful girl "mid". It's so understandable why one's self esteem can feel low at times. You need to change the way you talk about yourself (especially me). Beauty always start from within - as redundant as that sounds. You can't feel pretty if you're not focusing on the reason why you feel this way. A pretty soul (and self concept!) makes a prettier face. Moving on, let's get into the actual tips of a glow up 💖

Let's address the elephant in the room 🐘: you're not ugly, just acting pitiful

Have you ever wondered why you have seen those people who are considered "unattractive" or "unconventionallly pretty" by others be in successful relationships or popular with their peers? It's because they have confidence. Have you ever been attracted to someone that may not necessarily fit the beauty standards or be considered a jaw dropping model, but you thought they were cute anyways because of their personality or charm? That's exactly what I mean. You can be a pretty face or have a nice body, but have terrible self esteem. Living in California my whole life I come across this everyday. There is plenty of beautiful people here, but there is also a lot of people with no sense of humor and no offense, but have no personalities. In other words, you can be attractive, but superficial and boring.

To feel beautiful or more like a "10" even on your worst day is mainly having a good self concept. You need to think with the mindset of "I am the baddest bitch even on my worse days and nobody can make me feel different about that, not even me." Our concept can be changed, reshaped, rebuilt, morphed, etc, into any way we want it to be. Our self concept and dominant thoughts are created by our previous past experiences and what people have told us what we are. For example, if you were bullied in your youth and somebody picked on you for your features. Why would you give a fuck about what a bully thinks??? A person who humiliated and traumatized someone at a weak point in their life does not matter. Their opinion, their actions, their thoughts - doesn't matter. You can change yourself anytime you want, we are animals, we are literally mean to be apart of this cycle called life and our habits, attitudes, opinions, etc, can change at any moment. We are meant to grow and adapt. You get to decide who you are, what you feel, and how you wish people to perceive you. Nobody else. So when you repeatedly say things to people like "I'm not beautiful", they're gonna get tired of it honestly and be like "Yk what damn bitch I guess you are ugly!" because it gets tiring to hear someone complain about the same thing even when they just reassured them (again, I'm guilty of this too). So when you depend on someone to make you feel good about yourself, that's just codependency. You are also giving them the power to manipulate you. Don't do that. Be free and be independent, love yourself. It's your self esteem and you cannot be dependent on anybody else to fill that void you have within yourself.

As Katt Williams said, "It's the esteem of your motherfucking self!"

Why it's not your fault you don't 'feel" pretty

Like I said above, you are most likely a product of your surroundings. Most people are not raised by their parents to have good self esteem or to teach them how to be confident or emotionally secure. There are many environmental factors to insecurity and that it is okay if you are never 100% feeling confident about yourself. People in the media construct this ego to seem "cool" and act conceited as a way to avoid being seen as weak to society. You can be confident and also have insecurities. Confidence is just about being secure with the essence of who you are and setting boundaries when necessary with other people when it comes to that. A confident person doesn't tolerate disrespect.

"Conceited" or confident?: how to avoid confusing the two

I think the most irritating thing to me that is normalized these days is narcissism and conceited people. People will literally act boastful and cocky then say "I'm just confident". Behaving like a narcissist or saying that you are one is not cute and never will be because it's literally a personality disorder, a mental health condition. Everytime I hear this it makes me want to roll my eyes so far back into my head. Try to avoid being this person with a "God complex" because there's a difference between a person who is being loud and fake with "confidence". A real confident person makes moves in silence and is genuine with themselves. If you have to brag or put another person down to feel like hot shit, then you're not a confident person, period.

Tips to enhance your beauty

As I said before anon you are already a 10 in my eyes, but I understand how it feels to not feel pretty at times and we all have our days when we are looking "rough". Here are some self care tips I do that helps me feel pretty and pampered physically ✨️

Get some beauty sleep! This is not just a saying. When your body has time to rest it gives you time to reset & have more energy for the next day. Getting plenty of sleep helps prevent dark circles & puffy eyes as well. If you struggle with falling asleep spray lavender pillow spray, drink tea, or play asmr/soothing sounds.

Skincare & hygiene, this is such a crucial step that everyone should practice in their daily lives. All of us have different skin textures and when we neglect our skin it causes a dry, oily, or bumpy surfaces. Now skin texture is totally normal but if you notice the days where you are not washing your face frequently enough, your skin either looks dull, dirty, or you experience more pimples / acne breakouts. Not to mention how dirty we feel when our body is projecting a certain odor. You don't need to have an extravagant routine, but at least try to have about 4 hygienic products (soap, deodorant, lotion, & body spray/prrfume) and 4 skincare products (facial cleanser (I recommend double cleansing!), serum, SPF/Sunscreen, & face lotion).

Mirror work, saying affirmations in the mirror has proven to be helpful for people's self esteem & feeling more confident with their physical appearance.

Change your wardrobe! Start dressing for your body type & how your ideal self would. It might feel uncomfortable at first but you will feel so much more beautiful! You could try finding videos on tiktok of people with your body type to help (for example, if you are plus sized, you could search your desired aesthetic & find people with the same shape as you).

Detox from social media 📱, learn when it is time to take a break from your phone & engage with the real world. Scrolling for hours on your phone can be really harmful especially if you're reading negative comments or watching videos that are self depreciating.

Follow people who uplift you, not tear you down. If you are following people who obviously are negative or affect your self esteem somehow, then you do not need to be supporting them.

Make appointments! Whether that is a doctor appointment or lash, nail, or hair appointments. Take care of your mind, health, and body. You could ask your doctor what vitamins you should take or also seek a counselor/therapist to find the root of your insecurities in a safe place. Also sometimes just getting my hair or nails done makes me feel more confident!

Learn to treat yourself. Buy yourself flowers or a gift you always wanted but never received. This could be anything, it doesn't necessarily mean to spend money. For example, cooking your favorite food, having a lazy day, etc. Remember that you deserve to be happy!

Lastly, beauty spells, glamour magick, and manifestation are popular methods for people who wish to enhance their physical appearance. I do all of these myself and I always feel so hot afterwards!

I hope you found these tips helpful beautiful ♡!

[bookshelfdreams]

Once again, as it so often is with ofmd, it is about violence.

Ed is capable of violence and it makes him feel monstrous. Killing his father was a defining moment in his life, something that became a core memory: The darkest, scariest part of himself, but also one that has protected him and been immensely useful. No matter how much he hurts himself with it, how much it chips away at his soul, he's willing and able to do horrible things. This is the price we pay for violence: When you kill, you die as well.

When he met Stede, a man he thinks is fundamentally incapable of the kind of violence that's slowly destroying Ed, it gave him hope that he, too, could move beyond it. That a life full of comfortable and beautiful things was not only possible but attainable; if Stede can sail the seas with his ridiculous toy ship full of books and soft fabrics, have a positive culture of open communication and constructive feedback, then fuck it, why can't he?

To him, Stede's incapability for violence is a positive thing; it might be Stede's greatest strength. But what Ed doesn't realize is that Stede's life, too has been profoundly shaped by violence, how intimately he is acquainted with it - from the other side. Stede has only ever been a victim of violence. Where the moments that replay in Ed's head (the lovely little motage at the beginning of 02x06 for example) are moments where he enacts violence, the moments that define Stede are ones where violence is done to him. We see him splattered with blood, picking flowers: we know what follows is humiliation, verbal and physical abuse, that Stede was unable to protect himself from.

So of course, to Stede, his lack of talent for violence becomes a character flaw. Something that makes him weak, pathetic, cowardly. When he finally learns how to wield violence, how to use it to protect himself and others, it's empowering. He revels in it, the small moments (I did a punch!) and the bigger ones. For the first time in all his life, he's not a victim anymore.

Ed does not know this about Stede. To him, Stede is fragile, someone not yet tainted by violence the way he is. Ed feels protective of Stede, and it's that perceived innocence that I think is a big part of it. All he sees is Stede descending down a path of violence and piracy he has walked already and cannot go down again; the last time he did, it literally made him suicidal. He can't follow, and he can't watch Stede destroy himself the way Ed did, either.

So he leaves.

And Stede, who feels like he has finally grown into a better, more capable version of himself, someone who is able to see hurt and fight back against it for once, doesn't understand this at all.

Both these viewpoints are ones that ofmd wants to validate: Violence is a terrible beast that will eat you whole and spit out your bones AND Violence is sometimes necessary, and even good. It's a delicate balance to keep, and 02x07 doesn't quite manage to do so. But despite the awkwardness, the bones are still there; we end on Roach and Fang (two characters very capable of and good at violence!) having their cute little self-care spa day. This is the future ofmd wants us to believe in: a world where we can chose care and tenderness over battles.

[scandalcus]

𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐗 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄 [𝐇𝐂'𝐒]

content warnings: pure smut, just straight up filth, dom!ellie, sub!reader, overstimulation, rough sex, strap-on sex, fingering, oral sex, degradation, humiliation, smacking, choking, etc.

a/n: something i just threw together bc i was horny hope u enjoy. please assume there is an established safe word between ellie and reader, so everything happening is consensual ellie's playlist - masterlist

you both would wrestle for dominance, but it wouldn't take long for ellie to overpower you, ending with you beneath her and your arms pinned above your head, completely helpless.

ellie would take her sweet time teasing you, enjoying the sight of you slowly falling apart because of her. she maintains a smug look across her face the entire time, content with her own power.

she would absolutely make you beg for everything. she refused to touch you until you were practically crying for her to touch you, leaving you feeling humiliated and ashamed.

when she finally decides to touch you, she shows no mercy. she immediately goes in with three fingers, smirking at how easily they slide in. "pathetic." "i hate you," "i find that hard to believe considering how fucking wet you are."

she would muffle your cries and moans with her hand while demanding you to "shut the fuck up and take it like the slut you are"

she'd leave bites and hickeys everywhere and anywhere. "you look pretty with my marks all over you."

you would be too embarrassed to look her in the face. she doesn't put up with it. "look at me while i fuck you." she demands, manhandling your jaw and forcing you to face her. her eyes were dark, a mixture of both lust and rage behind them. you couldn't help but feel intimidated by them, but she wouldn't let you look away and would lightly pinch you every time your gaze would avert.

anytime you'd make some bratty remark she'd immediately come to a halt and smack you, refusing to continue until you're begging her to fuck you again.

"watch your fucking mouth"

she'd completely destroy you with her strap-on. "you're all mine." she says, with her silicone cock pumping in and out of you. "you wish." she doesn't take too kindly to your rejection. the pace in her thrusts increase, pulling out entirely just to slam her cock back into you. her palms are pressed against your throat, using your neck to support herself up. her demeanor going from irate to satisfied when she noticed the way your jaw slacked open and your eyes rolled to the back of your head, tears falling from the corner of your eyes as you laid beneath her completely powerless.

you'd attempt to spit insults at her, but they'd just come out as slurred, incoherent whimpers.

"what was that? i can't understand you when you're crying."

ellie notices how close you are to cumming, and stops, teasing at your entrance just enough to earn a sob from you. "you wanna cum? you gotta earn it." "please don't do this ellie." "beg me." "ellie, please." "you call that begging?" she scoffs, grazing your clit with her tip, earning a jolt from you. "please let me cum, i'm begging you," "huh?" "fuck, ellie- please let me cum, i'm begging you just please fuck me." you can't help but sob. "atta girl."

she turns you over and continues to fuck you from the back, pulling a fistful of your hair and jerking your head back, refusing to release the grip she has on you while she pounds into you.

it doesn't take long for you to reach your climax, releasing your liquids all over her. it doesn't stop her though, she continues to assault your pussy, her pace stays the same. "ellie, i came already," you say breathlessly, barely able to hold yourself up anymore. "i don't care."

she makes you cum again, and again, and again, your legs are trembling, your face is buried in the sheets. you physically cannot hold yourself up anymore. "ellie... please," you cry, a stream of tears falling from your eyes.

she finally pulls out and stops. a sigh of relief escapes your lips. she flips you over, a smug look on her face. "did you really think i was done?"

she makes her way in-between your legs, her tongue immediately finds your clit. your hips buckle at the slightest touch. you desperately try to pull away from her, but she wraps her arms around your thighs and continues to stimulate your bundle of nerves.

"if you only you were as sweet as you taste."

you were too fatigued and dizzy to fight back, you grabbed a fistful of the sheets and practically screamed as she continued to force orgasms out of you.

"e-ellie i can't" you whine. "one more," she pleads before pressing small shapes into your clit with her tongue.

she earns one more orgasm from you, feeling accomplished but also remorseful seeing how fucked out and exhausted you are after making you suffer through so many of them, showing her compassion in aftercare.

she meets her face with yours and softly but passionately places her lips on yours, encouraging you taste all the leftover juices you left on her mouth before dissapearing to grab you a towel and help clean up your mess.

she would spoon you from behind and leave gentle kisses on your neck while you recover. her spiteful behavior from before, completely withdrawn.

you were confused by the amount of affection she was giving you, but you were too tired to resist. in fact, you found yourself melting into her touch, and ultimately falling asleep in her arms.

enemies to lovers type beat

[dollypopup]

sorry, still on this soapbox but

we have really, REALLY done Colin a disservice in this fandom. we spent so long viewing him primarily as a Love Interest and not as a Character. But when we see and analyze him as a character, so many of his actions make sense, and it becomes almost ridiculous, the dynamics we've imposed on this couple (yes, I'm talking about the 'Colin fucked up and needs to prove himself to Penelope' narrative) when there's so much more nuance and beauty to their pairing than we give them credit for

we as the audience focus so much on Penelope's perspective in their relationship, of course, because we have so much of her perspective in the show, and so our frustrations with Colin stem from that, but we get more insight into him than Penelope does. The 'I would never court her' scene that we've been livid over for years is considerably softened when we actually look at Colin as a character, and the circumstances around his actions.

Colin spends season 2 SAD. He is straight up not okay. We leave Colin in Season 1 freshly heartbroken and running away to Greece to heal. In Season 2, we meet him again, considerably more somber. Colin doesn't participate in the dances. He even says 'I'm just a spectator'. Colin talks about how he started a conversation with himself, tried to understand what he wants and how he feels. Colin offers Benedict shroom tea, and for a moment, JUST A MOMENT, we see the facade slip. His mask cracks. 'Are you quite alright, brother?' and then it's gone. Then he's cheerful again. Calm Colin. Nice Colin.

Colin who is okay.

But Colin is *not* okay. Colin completely isolates himself from women. Colin doesn't flirt, doesn't entertain female attention. Colin is heartbroken, trying to be better. But he views Penelope as a friend, a sacred relationship, a worthwhile relationship, and he can't bear to lose her. To him, Penelope is arguably his closest friendship. His best friend. And in an entire town full of people who don't listen to him, he thinks Penelope does. Unlike the typical dynamic of the ton, in which men are ONLY speaking to women by viewing them as potential sexual partners, Colin views Penelope as a whole person. She doesn't just exist as a romantic option to him, but as a vital connection in his life. That's why the 'I am a woman' 'You are. . .Pen' is so important to view as an act of love- Penelope is NOT just a woman as the ton sees her, good for marriage prospects and little else, Penelope is a complete person. Yes, she's a woman, but more importantly, she's PEN. She's a full human being. And he values her as such. We cannot say the same for the grand majority of men in his society. Tell me any other male-female friendships like that in the ton where that level of respect is given?

But for Penelope, it's hurtful, because she WANTS to be seen as a romantic option in his eyes. That's a fair feeling, though we as an audience should recognize that it can be both upsetting to Pen, and also deeply beautiful as a sentiment. Because of Penelope's hopes of Colin as a romantic prospect, she does not see that he is hurting. Because of our connection as a fandom to Penelope, we do not see it, either. But he *is* hurting. In all of Season 2 he's hurting. That's why he throws himself into the Jack mess. He wants, NEEDS a distraction. He wants to find a place in his world, his society. Honestly? He needs a win. He has spent the last year losing and losing and losing. Who can blame him for being sick of it? His engagement blows up, he finds out his family pays no attention to him, that no one cares about his agency, and he's publicly humiliated. If he invests, if he makes money, he might make more male connections. Might run in more important circles. Like his brothers do. Might prove himself. But Colin isn't friends with the men of the ton. We don't see ANY evidence that he has strong friendships with any of them. Because he isn't like them.

He is 22 years old. Treated like a child in his own family. When he talks about his travels, no one listens. Everyone dismisses him. 'Remarkable, yes, in the sense that I have many remarks about it'. Colin is invisible. He is trying to slot himself in his community, but he does not fit neatly into it. He connects with Will, a man outside his community, and Penelope, a woman also outside his community, because *Colin* exists outside his community. He's the foolish boy who fell headfirst for a woman who lied to him. He's the 'green' baby walking in his older brother's footsteps and unable to fill them. He doesn't behave the way other men of the ton do. He doesn't talk like other men of the ton do. Hell, he *apologizes* to women. We have men NOW in the MODERN ERA who don't even apologize to women.

His own *mother* doesn't even notice he was dating someone for several months in season 1. Colin is a pretty, empty ghost wandering around Mayfair, and so of course he's thrown into a locker room conversation with a bunch of guys who have never once seen a woman as a person, and doesn't relate to them. Colin's not joking and having fun with these men. We very purposefully do not see his reaction after he delivers the 'I would never court her' line.

Colin is uncomfortable around them, but he needs their help to make it up to Will, someone who was kind to him and who he looks up to. He has the mask on so firmly in that scene, it's physically obvious to see. If you compare his reactions around Penelope to his reactions around Fife, it's stark. With Penelope he's open, his eyes are soft, his expression is curious and kind, his shoulders are relaxed. Around Fife he's closed off, eyes hard, muscles tense. Who can blame him? He's acting. He's acting just like he's acting around Jack.

When we look at Colin as a whole character, we get insight into his actions and they make SENSE. The things he say that hurt Penelope are things that are actually defending her- Colin saying he wouldn't court her to those men in particular, is an act of caring. He is defending her in that scene. When a debutante is only good for being 'wed, bed, and bred' in their eyes, Colin saying no, that Penelope is worth more than that, that his connection to her isn't forged on wanting to fuck her, or exploit her, or treat her as a sexual object, is radical. Because anything else, ANYTHING else that he says that isn't an outright denial, puts Penelope in danger. He can't let them believe that the woman he cherishes so deeply he cannot even ENTERTAIN the idea of not talking to her is out here being ruined by his hands.

And when we see it that way, we see that, in reality, of all the men in the series, Colin is the one who has been kindest to his love interest. Colin is the one who has defended her, the one who has stuck his neck out for her, the one who has cared for her with absolutely no expectations of sex or romance in return.

Colin's relationship to Penelope is beautiful, and sure, she can be upset that it isn't in the exact shape she wants it to be, but I think if she takes a step back and looks at it more objectively, if WE take a step back and look at it more objectively, Colin has only ever gone into it with a big, earnest heart. Not PERFECTLY, of course, he isn't perfect, but with the best intentions, and with as much honesty as he can.

And I don't know why we don't celebrate him more for it

[toushindai]

totk spoilers but are we ACTUALLY meant to think it’s poetic or flattering or triumphant that Rauru was like “oh YEAH? Well in thousands of years this guy called Link is gonna kick your ass”

How much has he even heard about Link? He must have had at least one more conversation about him with Zelda because the Master Sword doesn’t come up in the Zelda and Sonia tear, and by the King’s Duty tear Rauru’s just like oh don’t worry, if we don’t finish Ganondorf off I’m sure your bf can handle him. As I’ve said before, his “We rely on your knight” line rubbed me the wrong way starting with its appearance in the trailer, and it really does not feel less entitled after watching said knight (and that legendary sword he carries) very very VERY nearly get one-shotted by Ganondorf at the beginning of the game. And Zelda knows this! What does she feel watching her Better Dad Substitute sacrifice himself and simultaneously sic the evil bad guy on Link—a siccing which explicitly shapes Ganondorf’s attitude towards Link at the beginning of the game? At what point did she have the emotion of “welp. I know why Ganondorf knew Link’s name now.” The musical blending of the LOZ theme/hero’s theme with Rauru’s theme seems to suggest that it’s not an emotion meant to be had at exactly that moment, but I cannot watch Rauru sneer “remember that name” without yelling HE DOESN’T NEED THAT INFORMATION at the screen.

I played through the GSI in Japanese recently and Rauru did seem a touch less entitled to Link than I’ve been reading him—mostly because of the formal, polite, outgroup-equal language he used with him—but I still can’t get over the extent to which Rauru heard about Link a few times and decided, sight unseen, that he was going to clean up Rauru’s mess. My man what made you think that. What gave you the right to decide that. And how frightening to be Zelda and watch Rauru pin all the world’s hope on her beloved knight who Ganondorf absolutely fucking wiped the floor with. We see this worry in her in the Master Sword in Time cutscene! To what extent can Zelda’s transformation and before that her petition to the other tribes of Hyrule for Link’s sake be understood as a forced action due to Rauru’s conviction that Link could do this no sweat? Almost entirely, I feel—but does the game know that?

I just. Isn't it intentional? Doesn't it have to be? The fact that Rauru already needs the correction, once, that he cannot and should not face the Demon King alone. Then his melodramatic claim that Link has got this on lock. Then Zelda being like 😬 not sure about this actually and going through the whole process of talking to the ancient sages + draconifying for the sake of the Master Sword. Because Rauru absolutely set Link up to fail and Zelda is the one making sure Link has the resources, including the support of others, he needs to succeed. And the game is so much about community, about not doing things on your own.

And yet the way the scene is scored and animated and the way all the other characters talk about Rauru's sacrifice seems to treat this as a a moment of culmination, of triumph. I am getting such mixed messages here.

Understand, I’m saying all of this with an aching fondness for this poor self-deluded hypocrite. And also teeth-grinding frustration. I think he deserves to feel suffocatingly humiliated when Link almost didn’t survive Ganondorf’s attack and I also have tremendous sympathy for the shame and terror that it might be far too late to correct his mistake that he must have felt as he waited for Link to wake up. Both of those things. Hopelessly lonely man who found people to love him and built himself into a role he was never adequate for. I wish the game looked at this a little more. I wish I could tell if the game intended this at all.

(This is not the most intelligently written post but I assure you I mean every word of it.)

[lucid-ivory]

COD men & equestrian reader

characters: ghost, soap, gaz, price & alejandro X female reader

genre: fluff, platonic, slight crack?

format: bullet headcanons/ bullet fanfic idk

summary: one of the operators of the task force seems to be *too* good at horse riding and it's the last thing they expected

notes: reader is young, this is for all the equestrians if there are any in this fandom😭 and characters may be a bit ooc + this is very long and VERY specific

ghost

has never ridden horses, wasn't planning on it

saw you as somebody interesting when he first saw you on a big horse

you seemed really confident so he just went along with it

little did he know

he was gangsta until you started cantering

like okay, maybe you just wanted to impress your teammates since everyone was watching

he knows shit about position, leg aids and all that so you could be doing anything wrong and he wouldn't realize

he slightly raises his eyebrows when he sees you approaching a big ass jump

like where u goin?????

it's one of those 1.30m oxers

he thinks you're taking it too far

he was already impressed by your skills, why would you jump that high

he's prepared to see you on the ground

obviously a horse goes faster the higher the jump is

the fact that you keep up with the animal is already making him feel like "huh?"

when he sees the horsey getting on his two legs and ready to jump he feels humbled

you're perfectly fine, you can keep up with the horse's speed and you seem proud of yourself

by this point it's already obvious that it wasn't your first time

now that he sees your confidence and level, he would like to see you jumping higher

he doesn't really know how high a horse can jump anyway

(for general knowledge, the record is 2,47meters)

after a few more small and bigger jumps, you go for one that's 1.50m

(which is usually the height of competitions)

you do it casually, enjoying the moment. the horse jumps well and looks sick as fuck, which equestrians call "scope"

so you yell out

"SCOPEY!"

smiling all wide and happy

he mishears it and thinks you're talking about somebody scoping with a sniper or something

everything is going smooth, the horse listens to you and you are humiliating many olympic riders because you are "y/n" and y/n is perfect

the horse is fast, very fast and you're going for the next jump again

but who is y/n without a bit of trouble

the horse refuses to jump, stopping abruptly right in front of the obstacle

but you stayed on because you're cool like that

it did "shake" you a little, you were preparing yourself for a jump after all

but your seat is great and you managed to control the horse

ghost was scared, not expecting the animal to stop at that speed

you knocked a few poles and he offered to put them back for you

you're a crazy bitch so you decided to ride a young horse

and young horses are sometimes spicy

bucking, rearing or getting scared for everything

he's surprised at how calm you look when the horse is like a bull around the arena

when you finally lose your balance and fall off, you manage to fall smoothly on your feet

he's scared, thought you were going to be hurt

"DID YOU SEE THAT?"

how were you so calm?

you just fell off

the horse is still bucking around the arena and you're laughing

soap

i have 0 idea of scottish dialect

in fact i cannot understand it if a scottish person speaks to me so this will be hard

soap is next to ghost, he sees you jumping

you know the position riders do in order to jump? almost standing up and bending over the horse's neck

he checks you out for a milisecond when you do that

apart from that, he's impressed

why are you flying

how are you keeping yourself on the animal with only two irons on your feet and holding some leather in your hands

get down from there

you're just smiling while casually jumping 1.50m

when the horse stopped in front of the jump, he almost screamed

"shit"

he just murmured

smirked when he saw how you stayed on

gg well played

ghost put the poles up for you again after you knocked them down and smiles slightly as you struggle to convince the horse to jump

great horsemanship, or horsewomanship

you let the horse approach the jump and smell it so they calm down

he has no idea what's going on but he thinks you're very gentle for that

eventually you make it over that jump and he feels very happy for you!

then you fall off and he thinks it's badass how you fell on your feet

STANDING UP

so you get on again

when you're done jumping and you're trotting around, you want to show off

"did you see that, Lt?" he asks Ghost, and he simply nods.

while trotting, you play a little bit with the horse's controls

WASD to move shift to crouch ctrl to run ,,, jk

you start doing little dressage tricks

those ones that look so elegant and the horse is almost dancing

passage, piaffe, etc (look that up, it's BEAUTIFUL).

the horse is so cutely and smoothly bouncing and you're embracing the elegance

this is all probably happening while you're in your spec ops gear but it's okay

soap is surprised, ghost next to him simply admires

"why is the horse doin' that?"

he thinks it's pretty, but why and how would a horse move like that

"oh, you're telling him to do that?"

then he realizes you're the one using your legs and amazing skills to make the horse do all that

would like to see you in the classic equestrian competition look

gaz

okay what the fuck

he now understands where all of your leg & core strength is coming from

mans is flabbergasted but secretly wants to keep looking at you

i headcanon that he did ride horses in one of those school trips maybe or something of sorts

and i don’t think he would want to do it again

when you’re about to fall at that speed in front of the jump he’s a bit scared for you, immediately feeling the relief when you’re still on and not on the ground

when you actually do fall but it’s obvious you didn’t get hurt he simply smiles

he knew it was going to happen

but then you got on the horse again and he was like ???

why?

he appreciates your enthusiasm but visibly relaxes when you stop jumping and you stick to a more slow pace

“are you trying to impress us?”

girl you were in full uniform geared up & everything and you casually made the horse do the most complex and supreme movements that literally any other rider would kill for

you DID NOT do that for your own pleasure

gaz did appreciate a little bit more the horse’s posture

y’know ‘collection’ and all that, when the horse walks all pretty with their head down

he was not as clueless as soap and that’s why he teased you

you simply giggled and he smiled in response

now…

why was the horse drifting how did you do that

the horse was casually trotting but you did a few subtle changes (that he didn’t see) and now the horse trots in diagonal

almost crossing his feet while trotting

HOW

he raises his eyebrows

he thinks that this is a useless trait for a soldier cuz i’m telling you no police horse does cute little steps like wth

but even if it’s a useless trait for a soldier, it’s a great ability for who he considers almost a sister

he’s very happy for you and constantly cheers you up and then may ask a question or two about how did you do that

the moment you start explaining technically with all the “WELL YOU PUT YOUR OUTSIDE LEG AND THEN THE HEAD HAS TO LOOK SLIGHTLY INTO THE INSIDE WITHOUT BENDING THE NECK—“ he gets scared

he thought it was easier

+10 appreciation because it really is hard

price

let me tell you this man is almost shaking

he trusts your skills but he knows you're also young and you may not act responsible in order to just feel adrenaline or to impress somebody

while you jump, he holds his breath and then he releases it when you actually land perfectly

just like gaz, he relaxes a lot when you stick to the slower pace

he loves to see your reflexes in other contexts, such as riding

very proud of how you fell on your feet when the horse was bucking but appreciated it even more when you actually wanted to get on again

since this man is older i think he would have ridden horses in his golden era but not as in equitation, more like simply going for trail rides

he considers everyone in the team his little siblings, and since you appeared he may have this father instinct

he helps you with the stirrups and to tighten the girth

loves seeing you happy while riding, he thinks you deserve it knowing how young you are and how easier it is for you to get stressed with all the work

he tells everybody not to approach the horse's back because they may kick

"the horse has a green ribbon on his tail. he's young" he explains proudly to the rest of the team

(he didn't know shit about this, you told him about the ribbon meanings a while ago)

I HAVE THIS FEELING THAT HE WOULD RECORD YOU AND ACCIDENTALLY GET HIS FINGER ON THE CAMERA

this man would probably ride with you

"i don't need a saddle, i'm used to riding bareback"

he does need a saddle.

i feel like if he rides with you and he trots or something he would slightly hurt his back because his position wouldn't really be great

(there was a time where my back hurt like hell too because i didn't know how to canter properly LMAO)

would count strides with you between each jump

i feel like he would like english thoroughbreds

man worships secretariat probably (he'd be so real for that)

jockey potential

don't talk to him about technique

he genuinely thinks it's stressing

the whole "outside rein inside leg, shoulders back, chin up, heels down" shit is very much complex to him

he actually thinks that he would be able to race a horse

can't lie, i think so too (i almost fall while walking)

would pat the horse when you stand next to him

when you dismount, if you are the kind of person that kinda just throws themselves off the horse (i have no idea how to gently and normally dismount) he'll be behind you to slightly grab your waist or back to keep you in place in case you lose balance

ALL PLATONIC

when you're done riding he offers to keep you company while you go to the horses stall

he thinks the horse is following you because you're not holding the reins or anything and he's surprised at the bond between you and the animal

he doesn't know that YOU are actually following the horse because he just wants to go to his stall and eat

when the horsey starts eating, price would approach him and look at him

would be startled when the horse has his ears laying flat on his skull

horsey doesn't want anybody near his food

would help you carry the saddle

if he's brave enough he will try and give a carrot to the horse

if you start picking the hooves after riding, he would be slightly concerned

"does this hurt the horse"

he is like a man proud of his daughter

100% would go to see you in competitions

alejandro

GRRRRRRRR

"vamos, vaquera!"

he would constantly try to cheer you up and would smile widely while you do your "little" jumps

would probably prefer western riding because y'know... los vaqueros

he would probably crush on you a little

i feel like he saw showjumping many times but he is still surprised to see a horse jumping that high in person

i think he's almost the only one that isn't scared when he sees you jumping. if you approach the big jumps so confidently then you know what you're doing

he would actually want to ride with you too, he's so excited

wants to feel like a true vaquero and the first step is riding a horse

i'm sure he focuses on your legs and sees the aids and cues you give to the horse to make different tricks or play with his speed

he looks at your posture and everything like he knows about it or something

he's the kind of person that would surprise you

horses tend to follow each other so whatever you do with your horse, his horse does it with him.

you look back at him when you are both cantering and you smile AT HOW GOOD HE IS

his hips sway back and forth smoothly following the horse's back

his lower leg moves a little but nothing too serious

you felt like he was really close to jumping the 1.50 and reveal he was a showjumper too or something

and the rest of the team didn't expect alejandro to be so good either

you lower the jumps to like 0.50m and you both try to jump

he doesn't jump it perfectly, but he doesn't fall either

impressive for a beginner

trust me he did try to ride your horse and do the same dressage tricks as you but it didn't really work

quickly dismounted after that, he saw the horse bucking and doesn't wanna fall off

after that, i feel like he would get more interested in barrel racing and other western disciplines

he wants to take off the helmet and ride with those cowboy hats.

(saveahorserideacowboy)

you don't let him do that

dangerous D:

he appreciates it, thinks you care a lot for him

he thinks riding together is a new form of bonding for you two.

that was long, i warned all of you

please remember that my requests are open and i'd love to see and write what anyone says!

[chirpthingz]

EVERYBODY WAKE UP!! Cellbit revealed a bit on how knowledge is described to change people in the supplement (I apologize for mistranslations, I am short of time atm and also Thrilled to read this):

At 60% NEX: Your view of reality is altered. In the details, you see the sigils, patterns and codes that form the natural laws of everything. As a consequence, the distortions of reality caused by entities on the Other side become even clearer. The pupils of your eyes become whiter as a result of seeing more and more through Knowledge, and not through your own eyes. You begin to see paranormal auras, as if you were permanently under the basic effect of the Third Eye ritual. however, seeing through Knowledge distorts your perception of what forms Reality; you become permanently obfuscated (<- i have no idea what that word means, something like to be made unclear/obscure?).

At 75% NEX: Your eyes reflect the light like details engraved in gold. You see the rules. The currents of Reality. Everything is predetermined and has never been so obvious. In fact, it's pathetic not to be able to see this, how inferior and humiliating must it be to live like a chained insect without understanding what awaits you ahead? Wait, are those thoughts even yours? The paranormal sharpens your perception even more, at the expense of your vision. You begin to perceive dangers as if you were permanently under the basic effect of the Threat Detection ritual. However, trying to see reality in its basic form seems increasingly tiring, your penalaties for the condition obfuscated increase to -2D.

At 90% NEX: Yours eyes shine gold. Observing reality is no longer meaningful to you, it is nothing more than a memory. It's ignominious to know that you didn't even consider this something important. The degrading life of the vassals of the chains, being dragged by Fear, is not something that should interest you anymore. You are not like them. They do not know. You became blind so you could see. The light of reality begins to attack your eyes. When you are not in darkness, instead of being obfuscated you become blind. However, your perception of the Other Side strengthens; you can cast the Scry ritual. You don't need a surface reflection to conjure the ritual; the target's information forms in your head.

(Note: cellbit also mentioned this is how a majority (all?) of the Escriptas are affected by this. Most likely not to a large extent though, because I doubt many of them reached 75%).

-----

Ok done, thoughts time. I'M SO HAPPY THIS IS EVERYTHING I COULD HAVE HOPED FOR WHEN IT CAME TO THE INTERPRETATION ON HOW AFFINITIES AFFECT PEOPLE. I love how as you get closer to knowledge you almost disconnect from those around you, feeling like their "ignorance" makes them unworth of someone's time. Also?? Hello?? The going blind to be able to see through knowledge (which then distorts your perception because you naturally see more of the paranormal than reality) is so fucking cool. Anyways, I wonder if this could also be an insight on how the Magistrate, idk, perceives people/reality?

Also- omg I cannot wait to see Bagi interpreting this for Carina. I NEED IT.

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

anyway necessary abuse analysis after I watched the episode bc like. c’mon I cannot avoid that.

as of episode 12, obviously i do not know much about ozai, azula (I am spoiled to hell on this show i know she exists), and even really zuko (i was not expecting him to be that obviously a child at that moment jesus fucking Christ) but i think there’s a lot you can gather from specifically the dynamic of abuse set up.

ozai clearly sees his children as extensions of himself- less as people and more as status symbols he can throw out if they stop working. and that’s really shown in the way zuko was abused. not just the very obvious severe physical abuse- not only did he severely and painfully scar his like twelve? maybe? year old son, but he likely at the very least also severely hampered his vision (look at his eye, it’s noticeably unable to open properly where the scar tissue is) and disabled him for life)- but specifically how it was set up to publicly humiliate zuko.

the agni kai was a public spectacle- there’s so many people in the audience, it’s horrifying to think about (though thankfully it seems that it's not entirely common knowledge)- one where he humiliated and degraded zuko for his lack of “honour”- which was him showing compassion and him being a child who loved his father and was terrified of hurting him and just wanted to know how to fix things. it’s a very calculated, deliberate act of abuse, and considering the severity it almost certainly was not the first instance- in fact, zuko's immediate apologetic behaviour and terror at the idea of his father seems to suggest he's been abused before, being (understandable) trauma responses.

i think the way azula acts supports this even further- she’s not at all surprised at the, again, very very severe and visceral physical abuse happening in front of her, only reacting by grinning. she has seen this before. not to this extent, nothing that left scars- or at least, obvious ones- perhaps not even prior physical abuse, but her brother being humiliated and made to feel small and worthless in front of her is something that is simply normal to her. zuko gets abused, and she watches proud that it isn’t her. it’s abusive to her too, in that sense- it’s a threat of violence, if she ever makes her father lose face. their existence is to make their father look good and to be useful- and if they aren’t, they’ll be discarded in the cruellest of ways. that is just something the two grew up knowing, one way or another.

and like, this is clearly why zuko is like that. he’s obsessed with honour because that is a tool that has clearly been used against him to justify his fathers abuse even before this- it’s an ideal he strives for because he thinks it’ll make him worthy of love. and that’s all he wants, for his dad to love him, because he is still a teenager and inherently trusts his parents and blames himself for his own abuse because of that. if he was abused and discarded, it’s his fault in his mind. he needs to fix it, he's the problem in the family. he's fixated so heavily on it because he’s convinced that it’s the only way anyone would ever love or care for him at all- and even the love his uncle shows him can’t convince him otherwise, because he can't accept the idea that he even deserves it. zuko might appear cocky, but he’s the opposite- he’s been brought up to view himself and his worth only in the value he served his father, and cut off from that he sees himself as someone worthless, someone completely unlovable, and he's desperate to fix it, because he views it as his moral failure.

i just. ugh. fucking hell. i am killing ozai with my bare hands those are children those are Tiny how can you look at like young Zuko and fucking do that he’s so obviously a child and it’s so clear this is not the first time this has happened and I’m killing and maiming. ow.

[transzilla]

god, I think you described me.. just skimming the tags when I saw the bit about forcemasc on a transitioned man.. I feel like such a teenager when what I want to be is a man. I don't know how to take it and demand my respect. I feel like I've lost so much not growing up this way. Can I still grow and be changed? Be forcemasc'd like I want to be even though I'm "already there"?

Bro, yes, literally yes... I wish I could just like haunt and possess some of ya'll sometimes and forcemasc you from the fucking spirit realm like a forcemasc demon LMAO

So a lot of the time your feelings of inferiority are coming from yourself. We suffer the most in our imagination. But if they aren't and it actually is somebody not respecting you, don't shy away! Examine it. If I was there I'd absolutely grind your face in it. When you do feel embarrassed somewhere and people aren't taking you seriously as a man I need you to go full humiliation kink and examine everything you possibly can. The most educating moments of our lives are frankly fucking horrible and you won't grow as a man if you aren't paying attention. The beauty here is observation, like is it something I'm doing? Are there any other men who are also being demeaned? I want you to know exactly where the pain is.

We need times in our lives when we are basically teenagers, stunted, clumsy, awkward shitty theatre kid versions of the men in our lives, all our feelings of shame and dysphoria are for a reason. We cannot truly eliminate weakness in ourselves if we can't find it, and the best way is exposing it. And that's a really humiliating process because a lot of us started way late at the most subtle exhibitions of masculinity. These cis guys have been doing it their whole lives.

But like, give yourself some credit, you're not the moron here. We aren't kids. We are adults and we can learn faster and adapt faster than kids can. Question your own perception! Are you really that far behind? I think honestly for the time you've been a man and the obstacles you've gone through to get to where you are you've been doing pretty damn well. You've dealt with things that majority of cis men would not be strong enough to deal with.

Do not be uncomfortable with your material reality because if you can't face it and look at yourself and all of your flaws you can't improve. You need to go out and do things and experience humiliation in order to expose all your weaknesses, and then work to eliminate them. Don't just shoot yourself down all the time, oh I can't do that, I'm too weak, I'll never get there, it's too scary, etc. like, come on, this is your life, this is serious. be a fucking man LMAO.. when you can force respect from yourself then you will be able to make other men respect you. That's the first step.

It just takes the nastiest ordeal to get there. Sometimes the ordeal is coming from us! We terrify ourselves. We torture ourselves worse than any other man could ever dream of. Start smaller and smaller, understand that your feelings of terror are jealously guarding your potential to be a man like a hen guarding its eggs and you need to just bare your teeth and rip that piece of shit limb from limb and take what you are entitled to.

Like let me stay grounded here. When I first started what I do for work, tree removal, it was incredibly embarrassing and nobody respected me. And they were right. Like I could barely use a chainsaw, I couldn't pull the cord fast enough to turn it on, couldn't lift the fucking thing. I didn't know shit about anything, and I couldn't figure out shit about anything, like I was lacking entire thought processes that other dudes could do starting in kindergarten, it went all the way down to going to lumber yards and boys getting excited over big machines and tractors, they were familiar with everything and had decades of experience on me while I was still learning how to be a man. There were some jobs I didn't stick around very long at, hahaha.

But then I learned, like I wanna say it took me about two years to get up to speed, And I took the piss and I accepted consequence. As soon as I stopped demanding immediate, fairy tale perfection from myself and my life and stopped with "should'ves" my life became much more work oriented and essy to deal with. Getting fired was fine. Getting bitched out and humiliated was fine. Going with incredible isolation and lacking very basic things was fine Because like shit I tried and and as long as some other guy is doing it to me I sure as hell don't need to do it to myself. I just had to work that much harder. Endure it!!!

some guys now are still better than me because they've been doing it longer but I'm functional now u know. And like these guys also don't know shit about anything, like wow they can lift a big saw and use a tractor but they're so focused on being masculine they don't fucking explain things. Because of their feelings and their oh you ought-tos and just absolutely writhing in weakness and inefficiency for NO REASON. Like I actually have a vagina, man, the fuck is your excuse? I've had quite a few bosses who will tell you to do something, give no details, get mad when you ask for details, and get mad when you do the job wrong. Then I feel like I am truly one of the guys when we're just discussing what the fuck our boss meant. Is he really a big fucking man when he can't do his job? When all the men he works with think he's a punk?

Where I'm at in my transition right now I still don't always get men to listen to me, like my coworkers in conversation, which at first I percieve as disrespect but then i need to consider the men I'm with don't really listen to anyone. If my current boss, a man in his 40s who has witnessed so many deaths in his field and is physically stronger and smarter than all of them can't get them to listen, is it really a blow to the respect I command? And these guys also all feel insecure about being a man, except they haven't figured out basic shit that I have so they think raising their voices means people will listen. A lot of these guys get their asses handed to them by girls, they can't handle heartbreaks. They bring up being jealous about me doing things that I considered feminine, they wonder how I can haggle well, make funny jokes, talk to girls, keep everything clean, cook well, play poker well - these are all feminine skills, haha, the empathy and sensitivity required in the money world especially.

Focus on your humanity first, and use being a man and your desire to be a man, to magnify and shape your desires as a human being. Like you wanna be a man. What does that mean? You wanna be respected, command other men? You want to take control? You want to be dominant? You want to be skilled? What will it take to get to that point? And have a little fun, enjoy the process it takes to get there, in its kinky, humiliating, rancid chained-to-the-radiator glory.

[karmaislucky]

This fanfic is intended for the ages 18+, Minors DNI (cw: edging "daddy")

"Allow me to study you" he said boldly, placing his book down.

"Alhaitam,I don't understand what you mean." I questioned. He sighs and steps closer. His hand goes towards the side of my cheek, then by my ear. My eyes shut as I feel him remove my akasha terminal. He removed his as well

"As much as these do help with knowledge, it cannot measure the emotional needs of a human. Let alone..." Alhaitam walks towards me, I step back until my body was against the wall. "I'd be impressed if it knows our what our every move is." He finishes his sentence and rests his forearm on the wall above my head, towering over me.

"s-so what kinda research are you finding" I said flustered.

"Nothing that'll be useful for the academy. From my observation, with your face being flushed, and nervous speech, you are completely infatuated with me." His remaining hand holds my chin up to look at his piercing, emerald eyes.

" y-yes that would be correct. And from the way you are showing affection, I assume you are infatuated by me too?" I hope I'm not going to end up humiliating myself.

" Infatuated? More than that, my little sumeru rose. You have put me in a trance, an enchanting feeling it is" our faces grew closer, and we finally kissed. His lips dances upon mine, heads tilting left and right. My hands made their way through his silver hair. I pulled the strands a little and he let out a soft moan.

"that was naughty" he smirked in-between our kiss. His hand traces the shape of my body, and eventually holds up my leg. He had a firm, and comforting grasp to my thigh as his kisses trailed down to my neck. His had that was on the wall moved to my chest, massaging it. I moaned with pleasure as he explored my body. Each kiss he was closer and closer to undressing me completely.

He suddenly pulled back, lifted me by the legs and put me on top of the table. "Spread your legs" he demanded. I did with no hesitation and he slipped off my panties.

His hands slithered up my inner thighs, and his thumb began to massage my clit. Round and round, slow and fast pacing. All that pleasure, but never able to finish. He continued to edge me, only this time he slipped his tongue out as he fingered me. The wet sounds and our moaning took over the room.

"f-fuck, fuck , fuck, it feels so good Alhaitham" I moan. He lifts his head. "I live it when you moan my name baby. I'd like to hear it more" he pulls his fingers our and bends me over the desk. The drawer closest to him was open, and he took a condom from it. He slips it on efficiently and u feel him tease me with the tip of his cock.

"Are you ready for me to study you more. I want to know how much you squirm when I fuck you on my desk. Try not to move too much." He seductively whispers to me. I nod, preparing for what was next.

His thick, hard cock slowly entered me. He starts at a steady pace, almost like a clock ticking, as he gently tyga my hair.

SLAP

I yelp as his hand leaves a mark on my ass. After the slap, he quickens up his rhythm. He gets fast and faster, each pins we both moan. "You like it when I shove my cock in you this hard? You like it when I edge you?" He says as he continues to pound my pussy. I can't even make out words with how fast he's going, and I feel myself getting closer.

"That's right baby, cum for me. Cum...cum. Cum on daddy's cock." His words sent butterflies to my stomach. My legs begin to twitch and I let out a final moan as I feel myself finish on him. My legs shake in pleasure. Gravity began to drag me down off the table, but Alhaitam let me fall into him gently.

We lay on the ground, both out of breath. My head lays on his chest as his arms are wrapped around me. He plays with my hair gently, and move it out of my face. "you are a great study partner" he smiles, giving me a forehead kiss. I smile with low energy. "let me clean you up, my sumeru rose" he carries me to the couch, and wraps me with his coat. Before leaving to get a towel and water, he kisses me on the cheek. We cuddled for the rest of the night