#I’m sure I’ve done this I’m the past bc I’ve only started to break that cycle

[juice-boxy]

Btw if you purposely go out of your way to make a new person feel like the outsider in your friend group, I hope something bad happens to you.

[whatacaitastrophe]

Is It Over Now - Chapter 7

Previous Chapter

Chapter Song Inspiration: "Burn Butcher Burn" - The Witcher, Season 2 Soundtrack (performed by Joey Batey)

Chapter Warnings: none!

Spotify Playlist: Here

Chapter Notes: if you have read this fic, liked it, reblogged it, or left comments THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. keep the comments coming bc i love hearing your feedback (and like tinkerbell, i need applause to live).

Chapter 7: I Hear You're Alive. How Disappointing

The next two days fly by without incident, unless you count Wyll making Fallon cry because she has to do one hundred crunches at the end of their final training session before the ball (Fallon counts it). At least when he leaves the morning of the ball he promises he will not be at their door bright and early tomorrow, because he intends to take the next day off. It’s a sure sign of how Wyll expects the evening of revelry and celebration to go. 

After their conversation, Fallon and Astarion fell into an easy rhythm. The first night, they stayed up talking about everything and nothing, only taking breaks to exchange sweet kisses. They still haven’t properly had sex yet, but that’s something Astarion is perfectly ok with. When it comes to Fallon, Astarion wants to do this right. He doesn’t want Fallon to feel like he poured his heart out to her just to bed her (and maybe, just maybe, he’s still the tiniest bit insecure and worried that Fallon had done exactly that). 

Somehow, despite the past two days being some of the best of his life with Fallon, Astarion is incredibly nervous for this ball. He loves a good party, especially one where the attention will be cast upon him, and he’ll be given the opportunity to charm an entire room full of aristocrats, but the anticipation of this night has him pacing around the suite. 

It could also be because Shadowheart arrived at the suite in the early afternoon with a team of hair and makeup professionals trailing behind her to help them get ready for the evening, and as a direct result, Astarion has been left to entertain Lae’zel, who quickly refused the assistance of the small army Shadowheart assembled, declaring she does not need an entire day to become perfect. 

“Astarion,” Lae’zel warns after his twelfth lap around the sitting room in the last hour. “If you do not stop pacing, I will make you.”

Astarion scowls at the githyanki, but he does as he’s told; mostly because he’s still fairly certain Lae’zel could snap him in two if she really wanted to. He picks up the book about the young wizard that he’s still reading, but concentration eludes him and he’s just staring at the pages without absorbing any of the content. 

“My lover has informed me that I need to work on my….people skills,” Lae’zel starts with a huff. “So I am going to ask you why you keep looking at the bedroom door and why you cannot sit still, but please do not mistake my inquiry for actual concern.” 

Astarion snorts with laughter. “I think part of having people skills is showing genuine concern, Lae’zel.”

Lae’zel gives him a stone cold stare, and he almost regrets teasing her. “It’s the first time Fallon and I are going out in public together. As…more than friends.” He clarifies. “So this giant party where everyone is watching, it’s basically our first date.”

“Yes, Shadowheart did mention a romantic development. I did not realize Fallon was finally over the wizard.”

Astarion winces. “Ah, well, not entirely, but that’s complicated to explain and I’m sure you don’t want to hear about the whole sordid affair.”

“That is correct, I do not,” she confirms. “Besides, I’ve heard enough that I think I understand.” 

“Well, that’s why I’m pacing,” he tells her, and Lae’zel levels a stare in his direction. “You asked.” he concedes, raising his hands in defeat. 

Awkward silence fills the suite, and Astarion really wishes he’d thought to turn on the phonograph before their friends arrived because now he’s too afraid to stand up and risk the gith’s wrath by moving around again. “Do you think the wizard will show his face?” Lae’zel breaks the silence. 

“Gods, I fucking hope not. She’s been doing so well…I worry about what seeing him again might do to her.” 

“Maybe that is the real reason why you pace incessantly. You are worried for Fallon, and maybe a little worried for yourself and your romantic involvement with her, should the wizard return.”

Astarion is stunned, and not just because Lae’zel just read him so thoroughly. “Why Lae’zel, I think you may have just shown genuine concern! Shawdowheart will be very proud.” He deflects, as this is a very strange conversation to be having with Lae’zel, of all people. Then again, maybe the warrior is the best person to have this conversation with, because she minces words even less than her girlfriend does, and unlike Wyll or Karlach, or even Halsin, she won’t try to soothe his nerves with false narratives. Astarion defies her and stands to walk over to the cabinet where he and Fallon keep the wine. He pours them each a glass before sitting back down again. “Do you think he’s going to show up?”

Lae’zel ponders for a moment as she drinks her wine. “No,” she declares. “The wizard has not been in contact with anyone for the last year. I believe he is intelligent enough to know his presence would not be welcome.” As backhanded as it is, Astarion is surprised by the compliment Lae’zel affords Gale. 

Astarion winces. “Well…that’s not entirely true.” 

“My assessment of the wizard’s intelligence, or that he has not been in contact with anyone since he left in the first place?” 

“The second part.”

Deafening silence fills the suite again, and Astarion swears Lae’zel does not ever blink. “You’ve spoken to him.”

“I’ve seen him.” Astarion confesses.

More silence. “When?” 

“Months ago…it’s a long story.”

“Does Fallon know?”

“No.” 

“Does anyone?”

“....no one other than you and Gale.” Astarion did not think it was possible for the githyanki’s lips to get any thinner, but they do and she’s glaring at him. “Please don’t tell her.” Astarion begs.

The silence that follows could not have lasted more than a few minutes, if not seconds, but it feels like an eternity while Astarion holds his breath, waiting for Lae’zel to say something. 

“I will not intervene, because it is not my place and unlike my lover, I do not care to gossip,” she sips from her wine glass. “However, I will encourage you to be honest with Fallon, because if she ever finds out you kept this from her, it will not end well for you.” 

Astarion sighs, finishing his own glass of wine and pouring another. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” 

“I’ve never taken you to be a coward, Astarion. Do not start now, as I do not associate with cowards.” 

It might be the nicest thing the gith has ever said to him, and the closest she’s ever come to admitting they’re actually friends. Lae’zel dismisses herself to get ready for the ball, leaving Astarion alone. Astarion sighs quietly and tells himself that he’ll broach the topic with Fallon first thing tomorrow. He doesn’t want to ruin this night for her. Astarion looks at the grandfather clock by the door and realizes that he should probably get ready as well and he heads for the spare bedroom.

An hour later, Lae��zel is the first one to return to the sitting room, followed shortly by Astarion. “Well, don’t you look dashing.” Astarion offers the gith as he takes in her form. The dress Lae’zell chose (more likely chosen by Shadowheart for her), is a simple, black floor length a-line gown with a cowl neckline. The halter top compliments her toned body, and the necklace she’s wearing is a pendant with moons and stars on it. The ensemble is not much different than the one Lae’zel wore to last year’s Winter Solstice Ball, and Astarion is almost certain that Lae’zel not repeating an outfit is entirely Shadowheart’s influence.

The doublet Astarion picked out for himself is black velvet, and the filigree throughout is the same color as Fallon’s dress. Though the development of their romantic involvement is less than a tenday old, Astarion always knew he would be the one escorting Fallon to the ball, and he’d be damned if their ensembles didn’t match, or worse, clashed altogether. Shadowheart calls from the bedroom that she and Fallon are nearly ready, and Astarion begins pacing again. Lae’zel glares at him, but she doesn’t say anything, and Astarion notices that even the stoic githyanki warrior is fidgeting a little in her seat. He does not dare bring it up for fear of losing his head, but it’s sweet to see his friend be nervous about seeing her lover in her dress for the first time. 

The door to the bedroom opens and Astarion freezes in place and Lae’zel shoots to her feet. Shadowheart is the first to emerge and though Shadowheart looks absolutely lovely, Astarion is watching Lae’zel. He’s never seen her look awestruck before. Lae’zel walks over to a beaming Shadowheart and takes her hands. “ Zhak vo'n'fynh duj' : Source of my joy. You are more radiant than the sun.” Astarion looks away when Lae’zel captures Shadowheart’s mouth in a deep kiss (it feels weird watching the gith be this vulnerable), his gaze automatically goes to the bedroom door. 

Fallon steps through the door, and Astarion is breathless. He imagines the look on his face is not much different than that of the one Lae’zel had on her face moments before, but when Fallon smiles at him, Astarion honestly forgets that there is anyone else in the suite aside from the two of them. Fallon walks–no–floats towards him, the chiffon of her dress having the exact effect Astarion and Figaro envisioned together. He meets her halfway and takes one of her hands and Astarion bows deeply to the woman in front of him, and kisses the back of her hand. 

“Well, I must say, whoever chose this dress for you has excellent taste,” Astarion jests as he rises. “You look absolutely exquisite, darling.” 

Blush creeps up Fallon’s neck. “Thank you. For all of it.” He knows she means more than just the dress. 

Wyrm’s Rock is decorated for the season to the nines. Wyll’s stepmother is known for her parties, and this one is no exception. “It’s beautiful.” Fallon muses in awe as they walk in. “I can’t believe I missed this last year.” 

Astarion squeezes her hand softly as he thinks back to this time last year. Astarion and their friends attempted to convince Fallon to leave The Elfsong for this occasion, but their efforts were in vain. When they’d gone to collect her, she was already several bottles of wine deep in the bar with some of the tieflings from The Grove, could barely stand, and was in absolutely zero condition to spend an entire evening socializing with the aristocrats of Baldur’s Gate. They’d all agreed that with the absence of Fallon, and even Gale, it didn’t really feel like much of the celebration it was supposed to be.

The four of them step further into the extravagantly decorated room and are immediately greeted by various members of the court, fawning over Fallon especially after missing last year. Astarion holds his tongue as they fuss and speculate to her face about why she was absent last year, and pride spreads through his body as Fallon fields the question and deflects like she’s been doing this her whole life. This was why she’d become their leader. She charmed people with ease and carried herself with such confidence it was no wonder nearly everyone they met fell in love with her instantly. Eventually she’s able to wave them off, and Astarion leans over to kiss her temple. 

“Gods, those people do love their gossip, don’t they?” Fallon muses with a laugh. 

“Yes, I’d no idea you’ve been out of the city training dragons, do tell me, when shall I get to ride one? You’ve been holding out on me.” 

“Your very own dragon is your solstice gift.” She teases with a wink but expression very quickly changes to surprise and then pure glee. Fallon lets out an excited squeal and Astarion follows her gaze to where Wyll is standing but it’s not Wyll, or even the druid Halsin towering next to him that caused the object of Astarion’s affection to squeal with delight.

It’s Karlach.

Not only is it Karlach, but the tiefling looks like herself. 

Fallon does not bother with proper etiquette, and she gathers her skirts in one hand, takes off towards Karlach at a sprint and leaps into her friend’s arms. Astarion trails after her, and though he definitely is not running as Fallon had, Astarion’s gait is definitely quicker than usual. After sacrificing herself and becoming an illithid, Karlach was forced to lay low after the battle ended. For obvious reasons, illithids were not exactly a welcome sight in Baldur’s Gate, but Halsin welcomed her back to The Grove with open arms. 

“I missed you, soldier.” Karlach is murmuring into her embrace with Fallon as Astarion approaches the reunion.

“I can’t believe it– you’re here! And you’re you!” Fallon exclaims, hugging Karlach again with tears in her eyes. “How?”

“Just a little bit ‘o temporary magic, I’m afraid. Nettie and our pal Halsin made me a potion so I’d look like meself tonight. Not that I ever stopped being me, but, you know ‘ow it is.” 

Fallon greets Halsin next, and the druid picks her up to spin in a circle and Astarion just smiles as the fabric of her dress floats effortlessly around her. He really does have good taste. Halsin was one of the first people to ever suspect that Astarion had feelings for Fallon. The conversation occurred shortly after Halsin confessed his own feelings for Fallon to her, only to be gently turned down after Gale refused the suggestion of an open relationship. At the time, Astarion made fun of Gale for being so incredibly traditional in his way of thinking, but now that he has Fallon, Astarion understands. He doesn’t want to share Fallon with anyone else, either.

“How do you do it?” Halsin asked him whilst sitting by the fire one evening. 

Astarion looked up at the druid in confusion. “Do what?”

“How do you cope with the ache in your heart, watching Fallon and Gale together day in and day out? I only ask because I’ve not been in this group very long, whereas you’ve been here since the beginning. When does the pain of watching her love another fade?” 

Astarion stared at Halsin, mouth slightly open. “Are you suggesting I have feelings for our dear leader?”

“Am I wrong? I’ve seen the way you look at her when you think no one is watching.”

Astarion frowned. “I don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about.”

Halsin gives him an understanding smile. “Then perhaps I misread the situation. My deepest apologies.” 

“No apology needed, friend.” Astarion replied before turning back to his book, ignoring the very ache Halsin just spoke of.

Halsin lets go of Fallon, approaching Astarion. The druid offers him a strong handshake and claps him on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you, friend. I am very glad to see the two of you together. She looks happy.” 

Astarion looks over to Fallon and then back to Halsin. “She does, doesn’t she?” Waitstaff pass buy and offer each of them a glass of champagne, and Fallon eagerly listents as Karlach regales her with stories of the grove, seeing Arabella again, and learning how to live among druids as an illithid, and learning how to live as an illithid in general. 

“I mean, I thought that emperor bloke was joking when he said he ate brains, nope. It’s truly the most horrific part of this ‘ole thing. ‘Course I don’t eat people or anything–” Karlach stops speaking suddenly, and her facial expression shifts to complete horror in an instant. 

“You owe me twenty gold, mate.” Wyll tells Halsin, and his tone can only be described as disappointed anger. Halsin also looks very unhappy, and a sickening feeling begins to form in Astarion’s stomach as he realizes that Halsin’s unhappiness has nothing to do with owing Wyll money. 

“Well, this is quite the reunion, isn’t it? Leave it to The Winter Solstice to always bring old friends together.” An omnipotent voice comments from behind Astarion’s back, and Astarion whips around, willing his fingers to not ball into fists at his side as he tries to remember to breathe. That annoying, condescending voice only belongs to one person.

Fallon spins around to face the owner of the voice and she gasps. For the first time in over a year, she speaks the name of her ex-lover, and her voice is shaking. 

“Gale.”

Chapter List

[pepsichrry]

I see you write for regulus, and wondered if you would be up to writing something like reader and regulus saying their goodbyes before he leaves to destroy the locket ? 🙏🏻🫶🏻

Hey!! I’m back from the dead since it’s easter and I’m not really busy with assignments anymore (sorry about that)! I’d love to write this bc I’d like to write a little bit of angst once in a while..

Malicious || Regulus A. Black

Summary: Regulus leaves to destroy the first Horcrux, but you aren’t ready to see him leave.

Set during the Marauders Era!

Warnings: Angst

—————————————————————————

The day that Kreacher returned back at Grimmauld Place was the day that something shifted in Regulus. It hadn’t been long until you started to notice his change in behaviour, it was as though someone had reached their hand inside of his body and flipped a biological switch beyond his very thoughts and feelings. Something had changed about him, the very essence of his being. Perhaps that was why you never saw him anymore.

He’d pace around his bedroom, careless of the creaking floorboards beneath his feet. He’d shake like a leaf, a result of the meals that he skipped. As soon as he was approached, he’d look right through you as though you weren’t even there, that, you couldn’t explain.

Ever since you’d known Regulus he had been nothing short of doting and kind to you, a stark difference of how he seemed to treat everyone else, so when he began to act so strangely, it led you to wonder if he was only treating you how he treated everyone else, like you were nothing special to him. But that couldn’t be it, you thought. Despite the fact that Regulus hadn’t planted his gentle kiss on your lips or even so much as looked in your direction, you were sure you hadn’t done anything to incur his behaviour. He confirmed your idea one evening.

The sun had frightfully dried away the earth that summer, leaving the nation boiled within an inch of their lives, and Grimmauld Place was no exception despite the various cooling charms cast over the property, the sun still managed to beam over the horizon and warm the air unpleasantly. June had bled into July, then July into August and you couldn’t seem to recall where it had gone, slipping through your mind like sand in a glass timer, it had disappeared like all of your worries of school or work. You seemed to be peaceful.

Regulus joined you that evening outside in the back garden, a pitcher of icy cucumber water between you on the cast iron table. You took small sips of your water to pass the time that you spent in peaceful, albeit awkward, silence.

It was after a while that you decided to break the silence, desperate to cling on the fact that you finally had your gorgeous Fiancé all to yourself since he had proposed just a month earlier, despite your lack of conversation in the past few weeks. You slipped your leg across the ground and nudged your ankle against his own, causing him to look up from his glass of water and over to you.

You sent him a fond smile, which he replied with a weak expression of his own, like he was trying to smile, but his body wouldn’t allow it.

“What’s going on in that complex head of yours?” You called over the summers breeze like the far off song of a record player. Regulus could barely hear your soft words through the noise in his head, but he managed to hold eye contact as you asked him the most difficult question he’d been posed.

“Nothing and everything, all at once.” He admitted. It wasn’t uncommon for Regulus to speak in rhymes of some sort, he was so intelligent that his brain couldn’t help but find away to make everything about him poetic.

Your smile grew and you reached a hand across the table to graze his knuckles. “I know there’s something, Reggie. I’d have to be blind not to notice how you’ve been acting lately. It’s like something has possessed you.”

His palm opened, revealing the lines of his soft hand, allowing you access to draw shapes over his skin with your fingertips.

“I’ve been researching some things.” He told you with a blank stare.

“About a job?” You wondered. You and Regulus had just left Hogwarts, ready to embark on your life together. It was why Regulus had proposed nearly as soon as you left school, he said he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with you.

You’d drawn out a plan as you lay together in the four poster bed of his dorm room in fourth year. You’d marry as soon as possible, Regulus would propose with the family ring, passed down for centuries by his ancestors. You’d be wed by the end of the year and Regulus would find you somewhere to live and he’d work a fantastically boring ministry job, just so you wouldn’t have to. He wanted you to stay at home and live lavishly, just like he’d been taught, and you didn’t mind the idea, as long as the both of you were happy.

Regulus shook his head across from you. “No, not quite.”

You frowned at his answer. Regulus used to tell you everything, but now, it seemed as though he felt that he couldn’t.

“Reggie, you can tell me anything, you know that.” You reminded him honestly. It had always been you that he turned to, when he had received his dark mark two years prior, he sought you out to tell you about it, teary eyed and writhing in searing pain, but oh, so proud. When he received O’s on almost every exam in his N.E.W.T.s, you were the first to know, his joy was infectious and he held you so tightly you thought you were going to burst. When his parents had died only seven months earlier, he found you clutching the very same letter at the dinner table as he’d received, you’d gone back to his dorm room and sat in astonished silence until he was ready to talk. When Kreacher returned home last month after assisting the dark lord, half dead and shaken, he allowed a few tears to fall out of frustration as he sat beside you in the living room, obviously conflicted about what he could possibly do next. That was when he had changed.

He mulled your words over for a moment until he nodded slowly. “I know, Mon Amour. I know.”

Your heart soared once again, revelling in the feeling of Regulus’ affection once more. But there was still a feeling nudging as your insides, telling you, deep in your gut, that there was something bigger than you going on.

No other words were exchanged that late summers evening, not until the very last day of the month.

Only when september was creeping around the corner, did something finally shift, something that you wished had just stayed still like you were willing to.

On the 31st of August, 1979, Regulus had nearly been at the front door when he heard you call his name from the top of the stairs. It was nearing the middle of the night when you’d woken up to a cold and empty bed, the only hint that there had been anyone else there at all was the distinct smell of Regulus, his hair, his clothes, his very body. It still lingered on your sheets.

“What are you doing?” You had a feeling that you already knew that he was leaving for whatever reason.

Regulus looked up to you, your silky white nightgown pouring over you like milk, your soft hair falling over your shoulder in its braid, your soft and tired expression as you slowly descended down the stairs.

“Mon Amour.” He breathed, as though the wind had been knocked out of him.

In that moment, Regulus wondered what you’d look like in a wedding dress. This task that he set himself guaranteed that he would most likely never make it to your wedding, that that moment might be the only one where he’d see you in a white dress walking towards him. Except you didn’t carry the gleaming expression he hoped you would, but deep confusion as you’d been roused from your gentle, dreamy sleep.

The second your bare foot met the hallway floorboards, he began to approach you. That was when you noticed that he was fully dressed, head to toe in black wizards robes, like he was prepared to go somewhere in the middle of the night.

“Are you leaving?” You ask calmly as you took in his appearance, calmer than you ever thought you would be at the mere idea of Regulus leaving you.

He didn’t say a word, he didn’t dare to. He looked upon you with a guilty expression that said it all, tears welled in his eyes, and you couldn’t bear to look. It was one thing seeing him upset, but it was another for him to be upset because of something you asked. You could read him like a book.

You sunk down onto the lowest step of the stairs, hardly feeling your trembling legs.

“Listen to me.” He said softly in the dim lights, dark curls falling over his forehead. He knelt before you, not like how he would when he didn’t want to get his clothes dirty, or how he would as though he expected to get up straight after, but rather he felt to both of his knees like he would beg of you for help or pray for your blessing. But you couldn’t give him either and you both knew it. “I have to leave.”

You frowned at him, now level with you as he looked so small before you. He had lost weight, more than needed, and he looked like he hadn’t slept a wink in Merlin knew how long.

“You don’t have to do anything.” You reminded him, because as far as you knew, he didn’t.

“Mon Amour, you may not understand what is waiting for me now, but I pray that you will one day-“ You go to cut him off, to ask him what he means, but he presses a cool finger to your lips before you could speak. “One day, you’ll realise that it’s my responsibility to stop this now. That only I can stop this now.”

Your brows pull together as salty tears began to pool in your eyes. You wanted to grip onto him and beg him to stay but the determination in his eyes told you not to. Perhaps that was why you had been to calm seeing him by the front door, because you knew that there was nothing that you could do to stop him, that it was out of your control, that he wasn’t yours to stop anymore, he wasn’t the same Regulus as he was those weeks before, red-cheeked and bashful as he knelt on one knee as though he worshipped you. Now he knelt as though he was sorry.

“Why can’t you just explain why you’re leaving? What can I do? What can I do to make you stay, Reggie?” You grappled onto him as he pulled your shaking body towards him.

You both lay a crumpled heap on the floor as he tried his very best to soothe your sobs and tears, hand brushing over your hair and laboured breaths on your bare shoulders. He was barely holding it together, something so awful to you, but it gave you hope that maybe he did care enough to stay.

His hot tears burnt at your body as they fell from his eyes, but you didn’t flinch, you only clung onto him tighter with that tiniest spark of hope dwindling inside of you.

“All will be explained after I leave. There is a letter in your dresser, just look for it and you’ll know everything.” He said quietly, guiltier than he’d ever been before. You cried louder in his arms, hope fizzled out like the miserable stifling of a melting candle.

You tried to push him off of you, but he clung to you like a limpet. No matter how much you wriggled or hit him, screamed of kicked him, you wouldn’t let you go, not until you cried yourself into a deep sleep in the comfort of his arms for the very last time, such an innocent sleep that you never would have dreamed that when you woke up, he wouldn’t be there.

As the summer disappeared into the first day of September, so did your Regulus, as you slept soundly against the cold floorboards of the lonely house, never to see your love again.

-1st September, 1979

[zalrb]

I really love the Steferine fic bc it somehow never overshadows Stelena. Like, it’s clear that Stelena’s bond transcends everything, and it’s almost a given that Stefan’s thing with Katherine is temporary. I know that it makes Katherine SICK

(Also the fact that even in an Elena and Katherine fight that ELENA started, Stefan is more concerned with Elena’s well-being and completely unconcerned with Katherine. He even got mad at her for fighting back 😭. Like, it happens every time.)

And the only thing keeping Katherine from killing Elena is her knowing that Stefan would fucking hate her guts so much that he’d actually kill her. Like, Stefan repeatedly reminds her that Elena is the love of his life and the only one he gave everything to. It’s such fucked up dynamic and it almost makes me lose respect for Katherine bc she has NO pride, NO shame, no nothing when it comes to Stefan. Like girl stand up 💀

And Elena’s reaction is amazing and very true to her bc of course she’d be jealous and threatened by Katherine’s thing with Stefan, but it’s almost like…girl, chill out, bc at the end of the day, there is no competition, you know what I mean?

I do wonder what would happen if Elena decided to move away from Mystic Falls just to focus on herself for a while and get away from the chaos and let Stefan sort it out on his own. I’d imagine that she’d let Stefan know that her moving away isn’t her giving up, that she still has hope for him and that she’ll be waiting for him whenever he decides to get his shit together (bc she knows he will). But I’m not even sure if that’s would be in character for her since she has a tendency to NOT stay away from Stefan.

anyway, sorry for the long message. i had a lot of thoughts

(PS, Damon is Damon. Making things worse and about himself as always.)

No worries! Love long messages about fics lmao.

So my fic is basically predicated in how these two interactions between them go

but messier and more toxic lmao where in the show she quasi-pleads with him to feel something for her and he won't/can't do it but when she walks away he still stops her to offer compassion and understanding whereas in the fic, she demands he express that they share something special, something he doesn't or has never shared with Elena or anyone else and he doesn't/can't do it because it's not true (bonus it drives her crazy) but when the suggestion of ending what they're doing arises, he stops it so it's this cycle.

Katherine bc she has NO pride, NO shame, no nothing when it comes to Stefan. Like girl stand up 💀

I was just thinking about the things she's done/said in the show

and the things that she's threatened

despite the fact that Stefan has always been like

I was like, she really doesn't have pride when it comes to Stefan, which as I've spoken about before is also about conquering him rather than loving him

She is more in love with the idea of Stefan loving her than she actually is with Stefan. That’s why she hijacks Elena’s body in season 5 and attempts to seduce him because let’s think about that. Katherine hijacked the body of a woman she hates and tries to seduce Stefan as that woman, a woman whose break up with him was a trigger for his PTSD, a woman who was in a relationship with his brother and she doesn’t think or care about how seducing him as this woman would fuck with his head. It’s also why in season 2 she threatens to kill Elena while Stefan watches because it doesn’t matter if he’s scarred or hurt, what matters is owning him.

but because I think there's canon that indicates the lengths she'll go and that she has no problem looking desperate, it allows me to do that in the fic too.

I also wanted to show that when Elena is needling at Katherine, she finds an understanding in how addictive a toxic cycle with Katherine can be because even in this, she and Stefan can have an unparalleled understanding and connection because as I've said in the past

Like I’ve said before, SE reminds me of this Outlander quote, “Maybe the only way to save Jamie is for someone to step into the darkness with him” which essentially means, Elena is in it with Stefan. She is there with him.

So maybe, Elena will get a little dark herself.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic finder

~*~

1. Hello! Me again, thanks so much for the past help!! I was wondering if you’d help me one more time? I’ve been searching for another specific fic for the last three weeks and no matter the tag combos I can’t seem to find it. Essentially: it’s a one-shot where WWX is having a sort of flashback into being at the burial mounds and hallucinating lan Wanji and Jiang cheng speaking to him. He reveals some things about the three months in the BM, but in the end it turns out he wasn’t actually at there and they where trying to get him out of being influenced by resentful energy. Also lan suzhi is there at the end to help too. If you could help that’d be amazing! @spacy-thoughts

FOUND! warmth by antebunny (T, 3k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Heavy Angst, lots of mentions of dark stuff, the burial mounds as a sentient evil mountain, Temporary Amnesia, Misunderstandings, Hurt/Comfort, lots of trash fire angst, Mistaken Identity, Whump, Angst with a Happy Ending)

~*~

2. Hello I am looking for a specific fic where WWX and LWJ get into a fight. WWX comes back from needing some to find LWJ crying because he thought they were done after the fight. The rest of the fic is them making up after the fight. I hope I gave you enough info to go on.

It’s Post cannon, hurt/comfort and not in modern setting. Sorry for the vague description.

NOT FOUND! this is me trying by queen_gee (T, 4k, WangXian, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sad with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship)

~*~

3. Hello!!! For the next fic finder please help me find this two fics:

A) A fix it au in which JFM and YZY has a steady relationship, all I remember is a scene where when the wens(?) attacked Lotus Pier madam yu was preggo and gave birth in the middle of it. I think Bicao or SiSi was the one who helped her gave birth.

B) An au from a k-drama that I forgot the title of in which wwx(not him but I aint gonna spoil) accidentally run over a pregnant mxy that ended up in the death of him and the baby, lwj was the baby daddy and decided to have his revenge.

Thankiee~

-♥️-

3A)

FOUND! Yearning for Miles by Murahi (M, 378k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Slow burn, Mutual Pining, seeing the future)

3B)

FOUND! Lie for Love by sether1n3 (E, 69k, WIP, WangXian, WangYu, implied LWJ/Others & WWX/Others, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, endgame wangxian, Mpreg, NOT OMEGAVERSE, hit and run, WWX Goes to Prison, Hurt WWX, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Depressed WWX, Panic Attacks, Bisexual WWX, Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lawyer JC, Not JC Friendly, Bad Sibling JC, Violence, Insecurity, Body Dysphoria, forced seperation, Attempted Sexual Assault, Revenge, Blackmail, Artist WWX, Court, Rich LWJ, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, Secret (2013) AU, Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn)

~*~

4. hi! i’m looking for a specific fic on A03; it is a casefic and has got to do with the jin watchtowers, specifically this one by the sea which is haunted by the woman ****SPOILER START**** whose husband was killed by the contractor (for demanding worker rights) and LWJ falls into the sea trying to stop WWX from getting killed, and gets very hurt in the process ****SPOILER END***. It has a lot of sea imagery, and involves all the juniors +JC. @thatficwheretheprotagisadog

FOUND? And I Will Call You Home by Spodumene (E, 42k, WangXian, Case Fic, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood, Ghosts, Suicide, Explicit Sexual Content, Attempted Sexual Assault, LWJ whump, Original Character Death(s))

~*~

5. hello! I wasn’t sure if this has been asked, and I did try looking but sorry if I missed it! I’m looking for a fic that was a modern setting, wangxian friends with benefits, only it was more like enemies with benefits bc lan zhan was dead set on not catching feelings for him and he hated that he was starting to. i remember that it opened on a sex scene but that was as far as I got! please help!!!

FOUND? Honesty is the Best Policy (Except if You're an Asshole) by piecrust (E, 22k, WangXian, Porn with feelings, College/University)

~*~

6. Hi! I'm looking for a fic where Wei Wuxian wakes up in Lotus Pier after being injured on a nighthunt (?) that he went on with Lan Wangji and he finds out from Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli that Lan Wangji has died.

However, we later on find out that Lan Wangji is not actually dead but instead someone sent false letters to Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen. The letter Jiang Cheng received had said that Lan Wangji had died and the letter Lan Xichen had received had said that Wei Wuxian had died. So somebody purposefully made Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji think that the other was dead.

I believe there was also a part in the fic where some guy at Lotus Pier kept calling Wei Wuxian 'Wei Ying' and Wei Wuxian kept telling him to stop because only Lan Wangji was allowed to call him that but the guy did it again and Wei Wuxian snapped.

Thank you for your help!

~*~

7. I’m looking for a similar story to one somebody asked two fic finders ago but this one has a little twist

Is a fic where JC managed to wish WWX out of existence (I think it was with an array) and JC and LWJ are the only ones who remember WWX, LWJ tries to confront JC about it but JC won’t tell him how he did it, things happen (I think SSC) and JC needs WWX again, so he asks LWJ to help him bring Wei Ying back, they bring him back and so the story continues

FOUND? The Way It Wasn't by KouriArashi (T, 72k, WangXian, XiYao, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, (eventually haha), Slow Build, Family Feels, Moral Ambiguity, Eventual Happy Ending)

FOUND? Not This Time by Marinelifeclub (M, 93k, WIP, WangXian, SangNing, NieLan, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Angst, Dark LWJ, Protective LWJ, YLLZ WWX, Resentful WWX, Established Relationship, POV Alternating, Sunshot Campaign, Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Minor XuanLi, not for jc fans, eventual 3zun, Kid Fic)

~*~

8. I am absolutely boggled trying to find this fic that I *thought* I'd downloaded onto my reader. Was reminded of it recently by another user who was looking. Basically, it's a modern wangxian AU, where WWX reappears after X time gone/cloud hanging over his head bc of something ppl thought he causes and the Jiang sibs who are some sort of celebs (models? actors?) help him (as does LWJ.) I remember a pool scene where all were hanging out & performing normalcy while press were milling about. @thelima

FOUND! so hot out the box (can we pick up the pace) by sami (E, 20k, XiCheng, WangXian, NHS/JZX, QingLi, Modern AU, Enemies to Lovers, Thirsting, Pining, mostly thirst and dick jokes, a little smut)

~*~

9. Hola! Hope you guys are doing well. This request is for the FicFinder.

I don't remember much, but I think WWX was a Lan probably? There was a scene that I remember: during a lecture in Hanshi, LQR was talking about always being prepared or something like that. It was a topic on talismans I think? So Jin Zixun or someone like that said something about talisman being cheap trick and as cultivators, they don't have much use of it or something? Then LQR asked WWX to show how many talisman he carries on him normally (like everytime everywhere) and the later pulls out bundles after bundles of talisman. Then he's says something like : this is the normal I carry with me every moment. If it's a night hunt, I carry much more than this. @utxqia

FOUND! From the Warm Sun by sunshine_sparrow (T, 58k, WangXian, CSSR & WWX, CSSR & LQR, Discussion of Rape, Period-Typical Sexism, Mostly CQL but probably some MDZS too, Cángsè Sǎnrén Lives, Madam Lán Lives, Qingheng-jun lives, But WCZ Still Dies, Fix-It, Happy Ending, All Soft and Very Little Angst, the wens live, Yīn Iron, Good Person MY, Good Person LQR)

~*~

10. I’m looking for a dimension travel fix where Wei Wuxian is a doctor/engineer in his OG modern dimension but his life goes downhill. He gets transported into a dimension a lot like MDZS time, where cultivation exists and the old Wei Whxian was evil and despised. He doesn’t know Lan Wangji, but over time they fall in love. It’s kind of a time-travel/fix-it in one.

FOUND? Transverse by Kytrin, Mslead (E, 192k, WangXian, ChengSang, ZhuiLing, ZhenYi, Canon-Typical Violence, Dimension Travel, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Enemies to Lovers, Transmigration, Past Lives, Canon-Typical Death, Don't worry - he gets better) although im not 100% on that since i havent read it, i just scrolled through the "dimension travel" tag for a few minutes lol

~*~

11. hello, my lieges. once again, i am looking for this fic where wwx rates sex toys and lwj sends him a lot and he's the only one who got five stars. thank you kindly

FOUND! This Ain’t a Stream (It’s a Goddamn Arms Race) by feenwitch (E, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Getting Together, Pornstars)

~*~

12. I remember a fic, where post war LWJ is struggling and is accompanied by a a friendly Ghost (aka WWX) or something like that. I’m not exactly sure, but i still know that WWX was dead and LWJ still saw him.

FOUND? asymptotic by chinxe (T, 26k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Pining)

FOUND? The Cruelty of Fate by Procrastination_Sensation (T, 15k, WangXian, Canonical Character Death, Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Minor NieLan) Or Asymptotic like the previous recs say, though I'd personally lean for asymptotic, since wwx is described as a friendly ghost

~*~

13. Hello! I need help finding a Wangxian fic. It was kinda post cannon and in it A-Yuan got cursed if I’m right and was turned into a toddler. He spend a week like that and Wei Wuxian gets his chance at seeing Yuan being a happy child. That’s all I can remember, any help would be appreciated @casslastheaven

FOUND? The Heart Always Remembers by thelamespaceace (G, 45k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Deaged Sizhui, Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Fluff, Angst, They Love Their Son and He Loves Them)

~*~

14. Hi, can you please find the fics that I think at that time I read at AO3.. I'm not remembering much, only the fact that Wei Wuxian already gave his golden core to Jiang Wanyin, and later Nie Mingjue give Wei Wuxian his Saber, Baxia. Since Wei wuxian can actually control Baxia without qi deviation. I've been searching for months now.

FOUND? Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It, Lynchpin [PODFIC] by Opalsong, [PODFIC] Lynchpin by Gwogobo)

~*~

15. For the next fic finder, I’m looking for a fic that’s set from a Lan Xichen POV. It’s A/B/O, and he goes to get some paperwork from the Jingshi, only to find a naked omega in his brother’s bed, (Wei Wuxian, though LXC doesn’t know who he is because the author heavily implies this is outsider pov of a time travel fixit) then LWJ comes back. LWJ growls for the first time in LXC’s hearing, who comes to the abrupt realization his brother is terrifying & just didn’t care about growling previously @any-mouse

FOUND! 💖 Disruptions by mondengel (logged in only) (M, 3k, wangxian, ABO, mating cycles/in heat)

~*~

16. Hi! Could you help me finding this fic? In this fic, a-yuan is sick and wen qing said that only cultivation gentry have resource to heal a-yuan. So wwx walk to cloud recesses to beg them heal a-yuan. Lwj meets them (wwx and a-yuan) and he take care wwx while wwx take care of a-yuan. Long story short a-yuan is healthy again and wwx ask lqr and lxc for them to adopt a-yuan but his request refused and instead the lans bring the wen remnant to cloud recesses

There is a quote that make want to read it again. More or less it was like this "in the absence of hanguang-jun, he (a-yuan) is my light".

I have a feeling that fic has been deleted. But i still hold a hope for the reverse. Thank you

FOUND! the kite string and the anchor rope by fleurdeliser (M, 38k, WangXian, Canon Divergence)

~*~

17. Hello! 😊 Please will you help me find this fic? I have vague memories of it being AOB and WWX was at an omega training school(?) but he wasn't very good at it so never expected to be picked? Then LXC comes to find a match for his brother. There's a dance test that wwx messes up but I think LXC found it endearing? Then WWX played the dizi for the talent portion. Not sure if it was a WIP but the last thing I remember was WWX having a private chat with LXC in the school office.

FOUND? Rattling our cages by danegen (E, 69k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, but like polite, Slow Burn, Pining while fucking, so much hair combing, wwx has a vagina, POV WWX, no yin iron or wars or plot really, Canon Era, spiders--see the notes)

~*~

18. Do you know an AU about wei ying being adopted by hualian and then if I can remember lan qiren, yu ziyuan, jiang fengmian, and others went to ghost city together with lan zhan and jiang cheng and then after they came back hualian tasked the other gods to remove their memories of their trip to the ghost city and only lan zhan fully remembers it because he was the so called wife of the prince wuxian?

Hello Fic Finder! In regards with the story that I was asking for help to find which is #42 on your list. I already know the title and author of it but it is already deleted. The title of the story is Crown Prince of Heaven and Ghost City by bluemoonstarlight if you have a copy of it can I ask for a copy because I badly want to read it.

SIMILAR! Crown Prince Hua Wuxian by Bluemoonstarlight (G, 19k, WIP, WangXian, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, JFM and YZY Bashing, Bad Parents JFM and YZY, JYL Lives, Cultivator JYL, Supportive JYL, Protective JYL, Good Sibling JC, Protective JC, HuaLian Adopt WWX, Canon Divergence, Fantasy, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Sunshot Campaign, Grandpa JW, Grandma MNQ, Abusive JFM, Abusive YZY, Grandma BSSR, BSSR is WWX's Grandparent, WWX is BSSR's Disciple) good news! Bluemoonstarlight has posted a revised version of that story under the title Crown Prince Hua Wuxian. (Whether the revision is to your liking is your call, but at least you’ve got *something*).

~*~

19. Please help me find this fic.

Wangxian are soulmate or engaged i can't remember but wwx wear a mask all his life because there is a prophecy or something that he is supposed to remove after marrying lwj but lwj tell wwx that he should never remove it. Qingheng-Jun is alive and being creepy. Wangxian have a soul bond. Lwj act very distant towards wwx who keep trying to make their relationship work. There is war and wwx adopt twin son a-yuan and a-yi. Wwx returns to cr they pressure him into a ritual to remove resentful energy wwx asks lwj to do it. During ritual he start bleeding and is about to die. When he wake up after lxn scold him and accuse him of hurting lwj they kick him out and forbid him from seeing his children. He goes to yilling and take in mxy and xy. It's a ongoing and very angsty.

there is a scheming lan or jin woman who keep provoking wwx. Jin zixuan is lwj's best friend. There is some secret that everybody knows but don't tell wwx. @anee-choudhary

the-last-d-boy: i think #19 was a deleted story by wangxianist :/

imstillthinkingaboutithmm: #19 is price to pay by wangxianist. It is deleted.

I have a copy of the fic, if it is okay i can share it

~*~

20. hello mods! i am looking for a canon divergence wangxian fic, where lan qiren is evil. he loathes wei ying and wants to hurt (kill?) wei ying. if i remember correctly, he traps wei ying in a room by acting as if he is cursed. wei ying tries to help him but instead he hurts wei ying. lan zhan finds out about what his uncle has done. in the end wangxian end up together and lan qiren is punished by being isolated. i read this fic around feb to march 2022. thank you in advance! :)

hello! i am number 20 in the Jan 26 2023 fic finder. thank you for these evil lan qiren fic details! yes that is the fic i am looking for! hope someone can help me find it :)

Ahh I know #20 on the most recent Fic Finder but I can't recall the name. iirc Lan Qiren lures Wei Wuxian to the Hanshi by saying Sizhui was in trouble. WWX sends LWJ an image of a butterfly, their symbol for LSZ, through their mental link. Hope this helps someone find it!

FOUND! And Be the Moon That Moves Your Tide by Milk_Tea_Fantasy (E, 17k, WangXian, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega LWJ, Alpha WWX, Panic Attacks, Pining, Weddings, Praise Kink, caretaking kink, Bathing/Washing, Subspace, Bottom LWJ, Submissive LWJ, Service top WWX, PTSD, Loss of Virginity, Porn with Feelings, Enthusiastic Consent, Begging, Multiple Orgasms, Edging, Crying During Sex, soul bonds, angry wedding planner JC, Nesting, Non-Consensual Touching, it's not sexual don't worry, Intersex Omegas)

~*~

[u-all-time-whore]

If I could write a book it would be called thanks to you.

I just woke up, but also woke up to myself.

Reem I let you play victim remember I let you play victim time and time with me bc you are the most manipulative narcissistic bitch I’ve ever met in my life. Wahiet al Quran I have never done anything wrong or cheated on you, you make me sit here and say I’ve cheated on you …. Bro I never have touched another person while with you and without you. So yeah I never did. Yeah throughout our relo you always hurt me first then I always hurt you back. Reem truthfully I never deserved any of this wallah you don’t understand how free I feel today ready to give all this love to a man that will hold me hug me and protect me as well as fuck me and make me have his children. Wahiet al Quran keep note, it was never a girl … it’s for a guy! My rooh will be for a guy. But you whore, I let you come back this time and I still gave you mine. Silly mistake. Silly me.

“ don’t force your importance in someone’s life “ - I was never important in yours but spent years chasing you to be. Reem I need you to know the real victim here is me. It’s why I was able to move on. Get on and be without you. After this meeting of having you complete and utterly mocking me and my existence and spitting on us when we did that in your only indicates that that experience meant nothing but sexual.

Now I’m fully able to move on and navigate a world without you, thanks to you.

Thanks to you, I can love someone else now, thanks to you I know what love is and what love is not.

Thank you for coming back each time ruining me that extra much to tip me over the edge fully and showing me why I will always be better without you.

You will always be an insecure weak scared girl within your self. I loved you too much for you to question if it’s real bc you’ve never been loved this much before. So you had to doubt if it was really real. Yes it was yes I did love you.

Wow I went and hung out with my mate when you’d block me over complete nothing? I’d cry beg with what felt like a weekend bender just to get you back. Those games you played that’s what started it all the hatred the fights and the no trust. I’m not going to sit here and pin point all the things you done to me or all the times you genuinely cheated on me. Bc I’m not you I’m not weak or insecure. I just don’t care anymore.

I’m so glad you are part of the past and never Part of my future and I will be the one the make sure of that. With ease.

Letting you go feels easy now , I don’t feel like my body is breaking then forming back together. I don’t care about you anymore and that’s all thanks to you.

In your absence Allah swt has blessed me with good people around me that are good for my nafs. But my crippling love for you made me wonder if it was all still true. But it wasn’t. Thanks to you.

Do you think I’ll even remember you?

Someone that tried to hurt me and belittle me so much with words ?

Someone that would block me and not communicate becuase she knew I’ll come running after.

That’s the issue imposed within you , I made you believe I’ll always come back so you continued to block. Had I not done that you would’ve never blocked me in the first place.

You knew I loved you, you knew I was weak. So Reem you took advantage of me and my love. Evil. Spineless bitch.

I’m 26 years old, read that again 26, if you think I’m going to baffle on about escort conspiracies think less. You had me on that phone call.

What was I doing? Being honest catching up to a day lost without you and you told me I am lonely and using you! You sick fuck you will see as time goes by I won’t even say you lose or win in the end ultimately you will see.

The tumblr posts all day back n forth my faith slowly started to restore. I said if this is true if all this is true. She will get me to her dads imminently and I was waiting there like a dog ready to say go. On stand by. You were out, went out with him and came home and said let me answer her last.

You looked at me like I was some pest. When all I was trying to do the whole day was get your attn. I would’ve positive every minute of every hour for you but just didn’t want to look desperate. Either way no matter what you didn’t care in the first place.

You look at me like a side dish, try it at first and never finish it and it gets forgotten.

I am nothing to you, but thanks to you I now see that. I now see this time was fake. I held off for so long I stuck to myself I let go to come back and find this?

Thank you.

Reem you are my biggest and only regret in this life.

Everything I’ve given and done for you I wish I could’ve done that to someone else. But don’t stress

I will.

Now the next time you will ever know of me.

I will be married with a kid in my stomach.

Thanks to you.

Lesbain? Lesbian life? Nah just thinking that I found true love. Like ew how silly what love makes you do. Efteh.

I now come to understand our last “ fight “ was you getting away from me to go out that night.

Hence why you posted that tikok saying you didn’t want me to come back.

I didn’t. I left it.

Till the tumblr games continued.

I always begged for one thing

Don’t put hate between us don’t make this ugly and time after time you always did you hurt me with ease bc you are convinced I will always come back and to just let months go and all will be forgotten.

To the point I was looking at the snaps you sent me thinking how come this person looks diff I don’t know you like the back of my hand anymore and in those 2 months you started to fade away.

I’m going to press play back on that and before you know it you will be not even a memory to me. I always thought I should keep you alive in my mind and keep you near but that’s only when I came to realise you are not a real person this was never real love.

Thanks to you, someone else is going to get all the best parts of me when you were still here and could’ve had it you spat and laughed at me instead.

Showed me photos of the guy you slept with all for me to retaliate and I was the bad guy.

I would’ve retaliated in every life time the same for the way you’ve chucked me each time for nothing.

You deserve worse.

But I’m glad you’re drowning with this escort story you’ve got all written up in your room you possessed stalker. You stalk her more than me. Do you think of me everytime you think of her now? Are we 1?

You are a weak evil spineless bitch and I would’ve done it all to you in every lifetime the same way.

The messages you would send me speak to me about you and another man and never once did i retaliate bc I don’t care anymore. Inshallah I see you getting fucked I don’t care anymore.

I always said and will stand by this. A life without me caring or loving is going to be very cold silent and sad.

You will ultimately be more miserable than you ever will be. You will marry someone out of spite and I will marry someone bc of love.

I have never given a man my body but I’m so ready to explore all those parts of me. I love the way they make me feel I feel safe protected little i dont need to be the man or the one always chasing lmao I don’t want to chase I don’t chase but you made me be this fuckn person im not bro. To cover up all the ugly in you.

Reem one day you will wake up and see what you have done to your own life.

Ranting on abt an escort and some pics of the past. That we both did to hurt eachother and send eachother. You’re a fool.

Good luck there’s no more me I won’t give you that end message blah blah.

But Reem

Keep this with you ready?

I know now what I knew not.

You will now be without me fully for the rest of

Happy new year 🩵

[flowerslut]

Popped on to wish you a speedy and healthy recovery from your procedures 🖤

Also, thank you for updating Roots, and I hope it’s because you wanted to and not because you felt you had to. Please put yourself first right now 🖤

But since you updated…I wanted to say on first read this is my instinctive raw gut reaction without analysis…I was loving you having Jasper come back to himself so much…when he first recognises Edward, then when he sees Emmett - the burst of rage and regret and guilt he has! Remembering Alice, running to check on her… until a certain someone snapped him back into his automatic response and the thought he had….makes me feel sick. But I know he wouldn’t do that to Alice, and you mentioned something in your tags about infidelity not being a tag..

(I also hope Alice didn’t see that particular vision with her fragile state right now, would not be helpful for her)

I’m really hoping you let him come back to himself soon and see Alice even though it’ll rip our poor troubled Jasper’s heart out at seeing her like that/knowing what was done to her 💔

My heart is breaking for Rosalie!

And being the Peter/(Charlotte RIP) stan I am, I kind of lowkey love the fact he was stinking of venom and rot because that screams to me that he carried and held Alice all the way back home and we love that for his character 🖤

tldr; take care of yourself and Roots is better than the entire plot of The Twilight Saga altogether, sending positive vibes and all the Jalice love 🖤

Clara x

(PS, I may be back with a more in depth analysis once I’ve reread this chapter after some sleep after a 12 hour working day)

thank you so much!!!! I'm feeling better every day and I'm in good spirits so that's a huge plus!! and omfg lmfaooo don't worry!! every single time I've worked hard to squeeze in a roots update is because I'm fucking feral about this story and I LOVE thinking about it and posting it and talking about it etc etc!! 🥰 for as obsessed with roots as everyone says they are, just know that I'm over here also feeling the same stuff!!! sure there's a sense of obligation there since I like posting regular updates but it's 10000% percent because I love! to write!!! and I love! the fics!! I write!!!!

gonna reply to the rest under a cut bc of spoilers! ♡

don't worry, if jasper's disorientation/current mental state is making you feel sick or nervous or anxious then that means my job here is done 💀 this poor man is still trying to mesh the good (his current life) with the bad (his past life) in his brain and it's causing a full fracture to happen. we (jalice stans) often talk a lot about jasper's trauma because it's a really interesting subject to dive into, but being able to write and explore a traumatized character going through psychosis has always been something I like to explore in fanfic and with characters I like (who are all very traumatized individuals. hm. wonder what that says about me 💀)

anyways you'll have a better idea of what alice is and isn't seeing two chapters from now! but don't worry, I will give you one assurance and say that this past chapter (48) is as disoriented as jasper gets in the fic. he starts clearing up more little by little as the story progresses. unfortunately, I can't say the same about alice

and poor rosalie oh my godddd :( I think that whumping emmett (or renesmee, if we're being real here) is probably the best way to get rosalie to break down. and rosalie is interesting because she's so quick to anger. but when there's no immediate target for that anger, and when the person she loves more than anything is in such a state, you can only imagine what she's going through right now. (which is why edward's current job is keeping rosalie from trying to fight maria because she badly needs something to tear into) you definitely get a little more peter & alice content in the next alice chapter, but not a wild amount. peter's main job right now is 'keep alice alive' and if that means having to begrudgingly follow maria's orders...well, he'll do it, but he won't like it...

thank you again for always being so sweet!! I'm so happy you and other people love this story so much! it feels so good to have a fic that I was insane about for a year straight finally infect my readers in the same way that it did me 💀 I can't wait for you guys to have the full thing by the end of the year!!!!!!! thanks again! ♡

[taiiunknown]

CANT STAY AWAY FROM YOU !!!

Part2 (last part)

Warning: heartbreak, slight cussing

Summary: shuri ends up having to pick between RiRi and y/n

Fem reader X Shuri

SHURI’S POV :/

MY WIFE♾🌹: Can we talk ?

Me: About ?

MY WIFE♾🌹: what happened…

Me: ya after I’m done giving RiRi head

MY WIFE♾🌹: huh ? 🤨

*read*

Y/n’s POV:/

9:00pm

My heart dropped to my ass when shuri responded to me with that message, was she talking about our friend RiRi? Did she meet someone with the same name ? My head wondered for a minute when suddenly I decided to text RiRi tryna be casual so I don’t accuse her of nothing

Me: Hey Riri… wyd girl ?

*read*

My mind felt like it was dying from all the confusion when I finally put two and two together 🤨

When me and RiRi was talking about me having sex with my friend while me and shuri was on a break RiRi hit me with the “ it’s okay I’m pretty sure shuri fucked someone bc she a sex maniac honestly” and the fact that RiRi made me so comfortable so I can be able to let her in my personal life was so sickening. My whole body felt hot and my head went straight to killer mode within a second , I’ve never felt so sick to my stomach before and I felt so numb to the point that I wasn’t sad nor depressed I was angry, I was angry at myself . I hurt someone who truly loved me and I took advantage of that bc I’ve never felt real love before , I honestly don’t blame shuri bc i know I hurt her but RiRi ? I’ve been nothing but good to her and this hoe want to back door me with no remorse.

A hour went past and I just had the urge to go to RiRi dorm since some how she couldn’t afford to live off campus like me 🙂 . When I arrived I had no type of brain cell in me I immediately started to bang on RiRi door like a maniac , she opened it half naked with a confused look on her face , out of no where I ended up punching her in the face RiRi collapsed to the ground I stepped over her , as I’m walking in I look on her work desk and see shuri necklace that I gave her . As I’m picking up the necklace I hear shuri coming out of the bathroom with a sports bra and shorts on saying “Ri what’s going on out here ?!” Shuri froze when she seen me looking at the necklace with tears rising in my eyes “I’m so sorry shuri…” I said with a shaky voice “Y/n..” Shuri said grabbing my shoulder . I see RiRi getting back up holding her face , “Shuri make her leave before I call the police” RiRi said tryna get up , “How long ?” I asked “1 Month” RiRi said with a grin,I tried to run up on RiRi again but shuri grabbed me by my waist pulling me to the other side of the room “Why shuri?” I said with tears now shedding “I’m So Sorry usana” Shuri said “No she not , she loves it here” RiRi says with a big smile on her face “ Bitch open your mouth again or your nose will not be the only thing bleeding” I said “Usana you know I love you and only you RiRi just caught me while I was going through a really tough time!” Shuri said now teary eyed “I’m out !” I screamed bc I literally felt my heart rip out my chest . Shuri stared at the same spot I was in with a frozen look on her face wishing that my shadow was still there .

It’s been two day since that incident and everything still plays in my head due to the fact that I’m madly in love with shuri even though she literally been having an affair before our break .

My heart❤️🥰: open the door .

Me: What ?

My heart❤️🥰: open your room door.

I slowly walked up to my room door with a confused face , “Shuri how the hell you keep getting in here ?” I said , shuri pulled a spare key out her joggers my eyebrows began to furrow bc I don’t remember giving her a key ! “When did I give you a key ?” “You didn’t” Shuri said with a smirk “bitch what ?” “Watch your mouth” Shuri said with a stern face “ WHY ARE YOU HERE !?” I shouted “bc I CANT STAY AWAY FROM YOU Y/n!” Shuri said coming closer to me , “you had me thinking i hurted you when you was really hurting me this whole time and it’s the fact you didn’t cheat with just anyone , you cheated with RIRI FUCKING WILLIAMS !” I said with a quivering lip bc I couldn’t stop the replay that happened two days ago . “Ik im sorry usana and I mean truly sorry , I never meant to hurt you nor have a affair with RiR-“ “BUT YOU DID!” I yelled interrupting her “usana but I love you ! I’ve never had no type of real feelings towards riri it was only the sex..” “So I’m not good in bed is what you saying ?”I said feeling flabbergasted “ No Y/n trust me you are amazing in every way including the sex , you a perfect picture in my eyes and I love you so much and I know I fucked up really bad and I mean really bad but I want to make it up to you and trust me if you let me I will never do anyway thing to hurt you ever again..” Shuri said now holding both of my hands, “ you are right , it will never happen again bc I am done and when I say DONE I MEAN COMPLETELY DONE NOW GET TF OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I KILL YOUR ASS..” Shuri looked at me in shock slowly backing away bc she know what I was capable of since I am a hit man 🤷🏽‍♀️. Shuri left and when that door left it felt like weights was off my shoulders which made me slowly break down and fall to my knees, I’ve never felt so hurt in a day of my life bc I was truly in love but some times you have to stand up .

The lesson I learned it to not be weak in the knees for anyone , not even the queen of Wakanda …💔

THE END !🙃

[skullfacedog]

in the past I’ve kinda wondered whether my attachment to the idea of traumacore/being a victim of csa and kind of showing symptoms and some other things was caused by a past life where I experienced csa or current life trauma that I have no memory of and I’ve been gradually accepting that I likely have repressed trauma from daycare but just today I realized it very well could be both. so that’s great. I rlly couldn’t get a break, I was traumatized and died young in my last life, only to be abused again at 5 years old after being reborn lol. thanks universe.

the reason I suspect I had a past life like this is that even as a kid I had dreams and memories of a house I’ve never been to, but growing up I just thought it was something I saw in movies, but it feels so weirdly nostalgic it’s hard to really tell whether it’s like fake/skewed memories from childhood movies or something I saw on tv or if my brain is just making shit up or if I’m actually remembering something from another life. and the past life theory is really starting to make sense because it seems to have taken place in the 80s/90s, a time period I’m very nostalgic for- which could partially be because I’m the youngest in my family and a ‘96 baby so I grew up with some 80s stuff and tv shows. but I keep coming back to this particular house, and it feels so real, as if I’ve seen it in person but I know for sure I haven’t, not in this life.

there’s also my weird attachment to hospitals. I have never been hospitalized. I mean, maybe if you count the time I got so dehydrated as a kid I passed out and had to go to the hospital but I didn’t stay overnight and I don’t remember it. I know what the hospital in my town looks like though, because I’ve been there a few times when my nieces and nephews were born. but I almost feel like I was hospitalized, like I must’ve stayed in the hospital for a long time, like I’d explored the empty halls myself at once point, but I know for certain I have not done any of that in this life. like, 100% certain. I’ve had to ask my parents if I’ve ever been hospitalized before for some checkup or whatever idk but I distinctly remember this bc I was a teen at the time and asked my mom bc I wasn’t sure if me injuring my leg counted as being hospitalized (I injured my leg when I was 10, also didn’t stay in the hospital overnight, don’t remember if I went to a hospital at all or just a doctor’s office?) and she told me about the time I was so dehydrated I passed out, but that was it. so why are hospitals nostalgic to me? no clue!

from what I’ve gathered from my scattered possible past life memories, I think I was a little girl with middle class parents and a nice room, was abused at some point, stayed in the hospital for a long time but no idea why or in what order these events happened, and seemingly died fairly young, like kid to teen age maybe. I kinda wonder if my brain won’t let me access my current-life abuse memories because my spirit remembers what happened last time and doesn’t want all that pain again. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d killed myself or self harmed enough that it lead to my death, just a hunch that it was either that or my abuser killed me. I hate not remembering but I have to be thankful to my brain for protecting me when it knows I’m not ready to handle the memories :/ sucks I was abused again in this life but at least I get another chance. idk. I’m normally in that state of “not suicidal but zero fear of death” but thinking about how I may have lived an even shittier life that was cut short before this one makes me not wanna mess things up this time :(

finally my delusion giving me a will to live /s

[bunny-rambles]

I'm thirsty for Kaeya content rn, from your 200 followers prompt event, maybe number 22 with him? Very angsty with a happy ending bc my heart is masochist but not too much to handle that level of suffering. Thank you for the opportunity, ur stories make my day more enjoyable luv u

22 - “All my friends told me you’d break my heart.”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

characters; Kaeya, gn reader

cw/tw; spoilers for Kaeya’s backstory, hurt/comfort, arguments, very slight abandonment issues, Kaeya being slightly toxic, slightly open ended, let me know if I missed anything

word count; 1.4k

notes; Hi, do my lil pieces really make your day more enjoyable? That’s truly one of the sweetest compliments I’ve gotten, it made me smile so much when I first read it, thank you :,) now about this piece, I say this all the time but I do think it’s true, I’m not sure this work is my best but I at least tried my best with this. But writers block is such a pain and I really can’t tell if it’s good, but I wrote 1k words and really didn’t want to delete them all and start again. I hope you enjoy it though !!

event; 200 milestone

Please reblog if you like this!!

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

A slam. A sigh. The shuffling of clothing and the gentle thump of two boots against the ground after they were taken off the owners weary feet. The house was empty, as it had been for the past week. Kaeya had been spending more time in the tavern lately, and rarely spoke more than two slurred words to you when he finally arrived home. It was almost like a stranger was living with you, and not your lover.

Even when he wasn’t drinking, when the two of you engaged in conversations, he had seemed to be withdrawn. Distant, even. He wasn’t being harsh with his words, but oh, did it feel cruel with what he was choosing not to say. The silence was suffocating, grabbing at your throat violently and forcing words to come out of your mouth just to fill the empty void. The quiet questions of, ‘How was your day?’ ‘What would you like for dinner?’ turned into desperate, loud cries of, ‘What did I do wrong?’ ‘Where are you?’ in an empty bedroom.

This felt like torture.

You were alone, painfully so. It didn’t even seem like Kaeya cared as you wiped your eyes harshly when you thought he wasn’t looking, or when looked up at him with pleading eyes, only to have him turn away from you. Did he even realise what he was doing to you?

It was a bittersweet moment when you saw the handle rattle, listening to the clumsy fumbling of keys behind the door before it swung open. Star-shaped pupils stared back at you in surprise when he came face to face with you, a little startled that you were even awake at this time. But after he shook off the shock of seeing you, he did what he had done for the past week and carefully pushed past you.

“Kaeya.” Your voice croaked, and even you were surprised at how vulnerable you sounded. Still, he continued to move away. You repeated his name, desperate for him to turn around, to say or do something - anything. He stopped, just like you had hoped for. You took a step towards him, hand reaching out to touch his shoulder, but his words made your hand freeze.

“We should part ways.”

You pause.

“What?”

Even though his back was turned to you, you didn’t miss how his chest heaved when he let out a heavy sigh. “This, us - it isn’t working.”

Your mouth opened and closed a few times, completely speechless.

“Why?” You whispered, hand retreating to your chest as if you had been burned suddenly. He didn’t respond, but he did turn around and finally face you. There was no smug, teasing smirk, no quirk of his eyebrow - nothing to hint that he was joking.

“I’m sorry. This is just how it has to be.” His hand gently set on your shoulder, giving you a few small pats. It was probably to give you some comfort, but it did the complete opposite. Your bottom lip quivered and your hand reached out for his shirt, clutching onto it for dear life.

“Why? What did I do? What have I done? Why do you-“ You were speaking so fast you were choking on your own words, tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. Cold hands set on your cheeks, thumbs carefully trying to wipe away the stray tears streaming down your cheeks. You could hear your name being murmured softly, but you weren’t listening. Rage, sadness, confusion - there were so many emotions bubbling in your chest. The hand clinging to hun started to form into a fist, and your grip tightened dangerously.

“All my friends told me you’d break my heart…”

Perhaps that was too far, but you were furious with him. A week, possibly even longer, coming home drunk and not talking to you? Ignoring you throughout the day? And then coming back, finally talking to you, only to break up with you? You had every right to say something out of line, when he had completely crossed that line the moment this started.

His face hardened and his hands fell to his sides. For a moment, you thought he would walk away without saying anything, and that would be the last time you would see him. Instead, he let out a scoff.

“Maybe you should’ve listened.” The shattering of your heart inside your chest was almost audible.

“Please don’t do this, Kaeya. I’m sorry, whatever I’ve done, I’m so-“

“Y/n-“

“Please, Kaeya! I don’t know what I did! What did I do to make you hate me?!”

“Calm down, alright?” His hands were back cupping your cheeks, but he could barely keep his grip from the way your head was shaking back and forth. How badly did you screw this up without even knowing? And now, you had most likely made everything ten times worse.

“Please, Y/n-“

You couldn’t stop spewing out apologies, desperately trying to fix whatever you had broken.

“I don’t hate you- Please, stop apologising.” His resolve was starting to break. All he wanted to do was hold you in his arms and make everything okay again. But his hands were cursed, tainted with a darkness that couldn’t be cleansed. You didn’t deserve ‘damaged goods.’

“What did I do, Kaeya?” You sniffled pathetically, wiping your face roughly.

“Nothing… We just can’t be together.” His soothing voice whispered, his thumb caressing your cheek before he pulled his hand away. If he got too comfortable touching you, he wouldn’t have the strength to pull away.

“Do you hate me?”

“No, darling. Never.”

“Then… Why?”

A moment passed. Then another. And another. The knight's mouth tried to form words, tried to spew lies to you to make you hate him like he deserved. But no matter how much he tried, he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. With a quiet sigh, he gestured to the couch.

“Take a seat. This is going to take a while…”

-

The two of you sat in silence after he had finished - you staring at him while his eyes were glued to the floor.

“You’re from…”

“Yeah.”

“And you…” He sighed when you couldn’t finish your sentence, nodding his head slowly.

“It’s true. All of it. It’s not because I fell out of love, or because I hate you. Quite the opposite, actually…” Another deep sigh escaped his parted lips. No. He loved you more than anything, and although leaving you was terrifying, losing you would’ve been far worse.

“I’m not risking my loved one’s safety…” He took a deep breath before continuing, “ Your safety.” He finished, firm in his stance.

You had gone quiet again, and he took that as his cue to leave. As he rose from his seat, he couldn’t stop the racing thoughts in his head. You must’ve despised him now, just like everyone else who knew his secret did.

Your hand shot up to his wrist before you could stop yourself, grip tightening when he tried to move it away.

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“… I said no, Kaeya.” You tried your best to calm your shaking voice, but the thought of never seeing him again shook you to your core. “I can look after myself. You think I’m scared of the abyss?”

“Y/n-“

“No.”

He inhaled through his nose and let out a sigh through his lips. He should’ve known you weren’t going to take this well, how your stubborn streak usually won most of your arguments.

“You can’t just say no and expect me to stay. Can't you see I’m doing this to protect you?”

“I don’t care!” You snapped, standing to meet his height as much as you could. “I’m not letting you destroy our relationship just because you’re scared. The only thing that really scares me is losing you, please don’t make me go through that if you love me.”

“But…”

“Kaeya…” You murmured his name, reaching out to hold one of his hands gently.

“Please…“

He could never say no to you, especially when you made that face. It was the entire reason why he hadn’t looked at you for most of the week - he knew if he saw your eyes, he would’ve given up the cold act.

“… This is your last chance to leave.”

“I’m not going.”

“It won’t be easy. Are you sure you’re ready for that, just to stay with me?” Already, he was wishing for you to say yes. And you did, nodding your head resolutely at his question.

“No matter what, I’m not leaving.”

[tearsona]

true beauty | h.c. with fem!reader | part nine

a/n: omg long a/n but first of all, this is waaaay overdue. i know i’ve already probably lost more than half of my readers but this is for the remaining few (and me) who would like to know how the story ends!! i’m going tbh, i procrastinated writing this for way too long (i’ve been enjoying my break too much), and the worst also happened, i was working on this but the whole thing got deleted so this is my second time writing the whole thing rip :[

anyway i decided this last minute but as it turns out, there will be a part 10, more like a second part to part 9 / epilogue, bc the rest was supposed to be included in here buuuut i’m going to be away for the rest of the week and won’t be able to continue writing the rest of the scenes so the only time to post is now, since i know ppl have been waiting too long for an update and i didn’t want to keep that any longer (i know id only be stressing over it the whole week if i did jsdkf). so this one and the next part are going to be super duper short but i promise to work on the last as soon as i get back ok!! it won’t take another month!!! lol.

part one | part eight

this is the right thing to do, you think.

no, you’re certain. you’re going to talk to him.

you’re going to confess to seojun tonight. soon. in a few minutes. in a few steps ahead, to the left…

your hands start to get clammy in your pockets. you feel the weight of dread on your feet, like lead.

because even though you’re sure this is the best decision, it doesn’t mean that you’re coming home with a smile on your face afterwards. in a few months, perhaps you’ll thank yourself for having done the right thing, but tonight, it’s not going to feel like so. tonight, you’re going to get your heart broken. even more than it’s already been.

after all, you’re here to get rejected… and only then you’ll be able to move on - when you’re finally rid of the what if that’s been nagging at you for so long. because you realized it wasn’t jealousy or the wanting reciprocation that made your one-sided love so frustrating, it was mainly the suppression, the constant urge to spit it out knowing you couldn’t, that had built up through time and eventually pushed you to make such mistake. after all, feelings are like the weather - sometimes calm, sometimes wild, intense. unpredictable. what happens when you try to force them still and locked in the cramped space of your heart for too long?

at most, you think you can handle the rejection. but going through a conversation that would finally cement the end of your friendship, hearing seojun tell you how much he hates you, that you’re a terrible person, or anything along those lines - will you be able to bear it?

because isn’t that what he’d asked to meet you for? to express his anger towards you? to get closure? especially since it’s been a month without talking - you know that that much time apart allows a lot of space for anything, like regrets, breakdowns, and kissing other people… or seojun finally realizing that he deserves better than you.

but there’s no running away though, because you’ve already agreed to meet with him, and you owe him to at least show up after having practically ghosted him. you’re doing it, but also not just because you need to - you’d be lying if you said that there wasn’t even a tiny bit in you that’s looking forward to talk to him, not a selfish part that’s silently hoping for the zero chance that the boy would be willing to put all of this behind for a chance to restart.

when you reach the place, seojun is already there like he said, but he fails to hear your footsteps over his thoughts. you pause at a distance, allowing yourself a while to stare at him and a bittersweet smile tugs at your lips as you do so. you try to let it sink in - seojun waiting for you here… you and him, sharing the same space, un-against your will, not actively avoiding each other like it hasn’t been for the longest time. you wish you could have a longer moment where you can pretend that the past few weeks never happened at all and, right now, you’re just two best friends casually meeting up on a friday night.

you swallow the lump in your throat when the moment is over.

but before you can even gather the courage to make another step, seojun finally takes notice of your presence. when your eyes meet, you see the mild surprise that flits across his face before he’s pushing himself off the bench almost abruptly. he wonders how long you’ve been standing there.

you lumber towards his spot.

“hey,” you greet faintly once you’ve stopped in front of him. “you wanted to talk…”

the tension that immediately fills the air is thick, just a slight bit nauseating. you look up at him apprehensively and brace yourself for it - it’s only a matter of seconds before the harsh words come out of his mouth. before he confirms all of your expectations.

but it doesn’t come.

suddenly, instead, you feel yourself getting tugged by the arm until seojun is engulfing your smaller frame in his, and immediately your body goes stiff. ultimately, his scent washes over you like a wave, permeating all of your senses and clouding your brain. you almost blurt out an i love you right there, under the influence of his cologne alone.

when your brain has somewhat unscrambled itself, you finally lift your hand to rest on his back in an awkward attempt to reciprocate, causing him to tighten his embrace. he moves one of his hands to cradle the back of your head - an innocent gesture that has your mind spinning. you can feel his heart hammering against both your chests but it’s easy to mistake it as your own when it’s doing the same; in fact, you almost fail to catch his next words over the roaring of your own heartbeat in your ears.

“i miss you,” he mutters; the deepness of his voice and the way his throat vibrates against your shoulder send shivers down your spine. however, you try to focus more on his words - you debate whether you’ve heard it wrong or not as you can hardly believe it; this is obviously the opposite of what you’d been expecting this whole time, and even different from what you’d been used to - hugs were a rarity in your friendship. as well as i miss you’s.

seojun. misses. you.

your eyes sting but you will yourself to hold back. because you’d been so in denial, you never realized just how much you’d been waiting to hear those words during the past month. you’d convinced yourself that you were thankful he’d never called you once in your time apart because it made your situation easier, but deep down it hurt that he wasn’t even trying.

you immediately miss the warmth when he pulls away.

“y/n,” seojun breathes, looking at you with eyes so apologetic you almost feel pity. it takes a few more seconds before he speaks again. “i’m sorry… i realized i was such a terrible friend to you. i—”

“i’m sorry i made you feel like you were a terrible friend,” you immediately cut off, much to his surprise. you couldn’t stand to listen to him apologize when you believe with your whole chest that everything has been your fault. but just like you, this isn’t what seojun had seen coming from the other. truthfully, he’d expected you to be unforgiving, mad like you had been that night. instead, you add, “you’d done nothing wrong…”

you walk past him to take a seat on the bench that he was previously sitting on and he follows. silence lingers in the air for a few moments, both eyes now settled in front rather than the other beside. there’s so much to say that you don’t know where to begin, but you don’t feel the pressure or rush to do so. in fact, you feel a sense of familiar comfort just from sitting next to each other, despite there still being a bunch of words to be said.

words that could still possibly ruin the hopes of rekindling your friendship, you think.

“i didn’t know what you were going through…” seojun says, breaking your train of thought, “i could’ve helped you get the job… i should’ve paid more attention or asked how you were. i get why you were so disappointed. i’m sorry.”

“don’t be, it’s not your fault,” you say earnestly. seojun turns to you but you have your eyes pinned to the ground, feeling the guilt in your chest rise further the more he blames himself. it seems you’d caused him to believe that he wasn’t a good enough friend and you hate yourself for that. maybe you’d rather him be mad at you than sorry after all. you’d left your friendship thinking it would be for the better, managed to convince yourself that you were only putting yourself first as you should, but in reality, you’d handled things so cowardly that it only ended up hurting the both of you.

“how were you supposed to know about it when i never shared anything? you’re not a mind reader, seojun. don’t beat yourself up over it… i mean it,” you say, turning to him with a look of sincerity, “i was going through a lot then, but it was wrong to take it out on you. you were a great friend though. i promise.”

seojun presses his lips together in a line, feeling his heart swell at your words. “still,” he insists, “i could’ve been better, i know it. and i was insensitive with the things i said. i hurt your feelings. but i didn’t mean them that way - i didn’t mean to imply you were unlikable. or unattractive. at all. i… i don’t think you are. i want you to know that.”

you wish the butterflies in your stomach would stop fluttering at such an inappropriate time. over the bare minimum too. and so what if seojun just said that he didn’t think you were unattractive? it doesn’t mean anything. wait ‘til you get rejected later.

“i got defensive, i didn’t understand why at that time, i don’t want to make excuses but… i guess i just didn’t want to entertain the thought of—” seojun swallows, eyes previously settled below lifting to meet yours again with somewhat a hopeful look, “—suho liking you.”

you frown at his last words in particular, feeling just a bit embarrassed over it while failing to get what he was trying to hint at. you really hadn’t meant to make suho a big deal that night, you’d merely been trying to get your point across at that time, but it could have been anyone. and after what had occurred between you and the other boy, hearing the words suho and liking and you altogether in one sentence just felt awkward.

“okay,” you reply quietly. but seojun doesn’t think you really understood it the way he’d meant it; he wants to tell you, that the reason why he didn’t like the idea of suho liking you isn’t the one that he knows you’re thinking - just the obvious that he carries a lot of bitter feelings towards the boy - but another. however, even at this time where he’s supposed to be honest about everything he feels concerning your friendship, even at this perfect opportunity, he still can’t seem to have the guts to tell you the words that his heart wants to say the most. mainly because he just realized that he has no idea how things currently are between you and suho, and confessing might just end up making things more complicated. he wrestles with the thought.

seojun immediately thinks about the kiss, and it feels as though someone’s fist had clenched around his heart - it happens every time. but it only gets worse upon hearing your next words: “it’s okay, you know, even if you really didn’t. see me that way, i mean. friends aren’t supposed to anyway.”

“right,” he mutters, disappointment evident in the way he drops his gaze to his lap from yours. it’s as if the wind had blown the words straight back down from the tip of his tongue to his chest, because he no longer feels like saying it, at all. in fact, he’ll bury it there if he must, if it meant he could at least go back to being friends with you again. just like he’s done in the past.

“i broke that rule though,” you say after the dragged silence, as calmly as you can, as if your stomach isn’t currently twisting in knots over what you’re about to say next. “seojun, i got mad at you because… i liked you.”

as you expected, seojun’s head snaps up over the admission. you begin to feel even more self-conscious now that you’re under his gaze, but you will yourself not to let your nerves get the best of you and continue what you’ve started. “i liked you and i got… jealous because you kept talking about the girl you liked right in front of my face, and it was just… i was already having a bad week - bad night, and one thing kept piling into another… the makeup, the job, and then just… i couldn’t take it anymore, when you talked about suho only seeing me as a friend, i knew you said that because that was how you saw me… and it just hit, i guess.”

when you finish, you find that seojun’s lips are parted slightly, eyes wide and blinking like he’s unable to fathom what you’d just said. twice, he opens his mouth to say something just to swallow it back down. it seems that he’s hesitating over his words, or having trouble finding them. eventually though, he manages to let out, “you liked me?”

you bite your lip and hum, “i like you. present tense,” you say slowly, enunciating every syllable whilst keeping your eyes fixated on him for the reaction. he looks stunned still, and though his expression says a lot, the lack of verbal response still keeps whatever’s actually going on in his mind unclear. you feel flustered and drop your gaze to your fidgeting hands at once.

your heart doesn’t stop pounding as though it wants to break out of your ribcage but you manage to say the next words without your voice shaking so much. “when they asked you to pick between love and friendship during that trip, i think that’s when it started going bad. before then, i’d thought i had a firm grip on my feelings. i mean, even through all the people you’ve dated i was fine,” you sigh, closing your eyes for a second longer, “i didn’t just start ignoring you because i was mad at you. i just thought it would be better if… if we weren’t friends. even though i ended up being wrong anyway.”

at this point, you can’t bring yourself to look at him anymore so you don’t, but as you’re waiting for him to say something, anything, you can’t help but be highly aware of his eyes boring into your cheek and it makes you ill at ease. you mentally shudder at the fact that you’d just overshared, but you’re not sure if you regret it completely. still, it takes him an agonizing minute before he responds that you almost lose your mind.

“why didn’t you tell me?” he prompts; you attempt to interpret the color in his tone but can’t, thankfully when you look at him he doesn’t seem to be judging you. instead, his eyes remain intense but gentle, and you allow yourself to relax just a little bit at that.

“for the same reason why most people can’t tell their crushes they like them. i’m sure you know what it’s like,” you chuckle sheepishly. somehow, calling seojun a crush is even more embarrassing than all of what you’d said so far before it combined. “i’m not that bold, you know. and i didn’t to want make you uncomfortable just ‘cause you couldn’t like me the way i did, and risk our friendship changing,” you explain truthfully, “but i guess i still ended up ruining it anyway, i still couldn’t bring myself to tell you in the end and just… ran away from it, sorry.”

seojun nods, but now the expression on his face has changed into something more unreadable, and you hate every second that ticks by knowing that he’s probably feeling guilty, perhaps trying to come up with words to let you down without hurting you. what he doesn’t know though is that you’ve already prepared yourself for it; you’ve already imagined every horrible scene that could possibly roll out while on your way here, and the fact that he hasn’t called you mean things or yelled at your face even once means this is already the best scenario out of them all, meaning you’ll be alright. with that, you amend, “i don’t want you to feel bad for me. i’m just doing this so you can reject me and i can move on.”

you swear that was a smile on his face just now. unfortunately, it disappeared quicker than you could make sure.

“what if i don’t want you to move on though?” seojun asks with a playful edge in his tone, elbow lightly nudging your side but it doesn’t touch because you’re a little bit too far apart. further, he prods, “what if i want you to keep liking me?”

you stare at him incredulously, trying to decipher him. it seems that he’s finally changing back to his more confident self - to the best friend you knew. perhaps he’s trying to alleviate the tense atmosphere into something more cheerful, make you feel less embarrassed; or maybe joking is his attempt at reassuring you that things can still be friendly between you two despite how you feel about him; and you appreciate that - you’re more than relieved to know that he’s fine with all of this - but you wonder if teasing you is the best response he can do to your confession; if he’s avoiding rejecting you because he can’t.

you try to hide your disappointment by huffing out a laugh, “you’re cruel like that?”

“hmm, well…” he muses, “earlier you said you couldn’t tell me your feelings sooner because you didn’t want to make me uncomfortable but…” he pauses, and you watch him dubiously as he slides himself closer until your arms are touching, “what if i liked you back? did you not ever consider that?”

you frown. all of a sudden he’s flirting with you. you would think he’s asking you these questions because he’s genuinely curious, but the restrained smile ghosting his features, like he knows something you don’t, makes you think that he’s simply finding this whole thing funny - of course, you, out of people, having feelings for him must be such a plot twist - and here he is, taking delight in his ability to disarm you. what makes it worse is that even as you’re aware, even if you should be feeling offended by what he’s doing for his own amusement, your heart doesn’t follow - seojun’s flirtatious, hypothetical prodding seems to be taking its intended effect on you.

“well, you didn’t,” is eventually all you reply, fully intending to sound as harsh as you could, and then looking away. “stop.”

“stop what?”

“do you think this is a joke?” you snap as you glower at him, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. whether you’re blushing over the hypothetical, impossible possibility of seojun liking you - or if it’s due to your irritation, you don’t know. “stop… playing me.”

he’s silent. after a moment, you give in to the urge to take a peek at him and immediately regret it. because now he’s full-blown smiling, and you haven’t seen him do it in so long it somehow takes the breath out of your lungs. you blink, thoroughly dazed for a protracted moment. “w- what?”

“i said, give me your hand,” he repeats, and as if hypnotized, you obey without question. when he places it against his chest you feel it, the rapid beat of his heart, and it’s just like yours. your frown falters by a tiny fraction. “well?”

“well what?” you ask, dumbfounded.

“it’s been like this since you said you liked me,” he urges. and then, he says the next words to you as you had done earlier - slowly, and clearly, “i like you, y/n. i was being serious.”

you gulp and withdraw your hand from his, suddenly unable to make eye contact. “how? i thought you…” you trail off. liked jugyeong, you wanted to say.

“i know, i haven’t been completely honest with my feelings either,” he admits, “but i’ve liked you for a long time. even before all of the people i’ve dated… and through all of them,” he says, and it sounds too good to be true; seojun catches the flicker of doubt in your face even as you want so badly to believe him. “i guess i just didn’t know i did until… well, i mean, i kind of already knew it long ago, but… it’s a bit complicated.” you can tell he’s struggling to put his feelings into words by the way he sighs. and then, as if struck with an idea, he perks up, “let me prove it to you.”

you bite the inside of your cheek and try not to seem too eager when you stare at him.

“go out with me,” he says with a gentle but nervous smile, lightly tugging at the cuff of your hoodie like a kind child, before he adds, “let’s go on dates, y/n… as a guy and girl.”

you think your heart stops beating for a millisecond; you feel the familiar flutters through your stomach, only now wilder than ever. seojun looks solemn enough with his suggestion, but you realize you haven’t even thought that far yet - to be honest, you’ve still yet to process the fact that he doesn’t hate you, after all that’s happened.

there’s so much to think about, so many things to consider, but you don’t let any of that hold you back from the thing you’ve always wanted - longed for. after a thoughtful moment, you nod, and seojun’s previously tense face immediately breaks out into a grin.

“okay…” he breathes.

“okay,” you repeat, biting back a smile.

and then silence comes; you look away, shy. it seems to have hit you both at the same time - that you’d just agreed to go on dates with each other. apart from the earliest days of your friendship, you don’t think you’ve ever seen seojun look so shy in front of you. you feel a sudden thrill of excitement knowing that it’s because of you. you make him nervous. because he likes you, apparently. and now suddenly, everything feels odd… but the good kind.

later into the comfortable quietness, seojun clears his throat and breaks you out of your reverie. “hey, about that thing you said…” he starts and you quirk a brow in curiosity. “when i picked love over friendship, you should’ve known i was only trying to get on suho’s nerves,” he jokingly admits, earning a chuckle and an eyeroll from you.

“both are equally important to me though,” he continues, pausing for a thoughtful second, “but… you’re the most important to me, you know. and if i did mean it - if i had to choose, like, i really had to… whatever i end up picking, love over friendship or the other way around - it doesn’t matter. i can’t explain it, but i’d choose you over both of them. or whichever you are.”

that was… unexpected. you huff, tilting your head so your hair can fall and provide your reddening cheeks with some measure of a cover. you nudge his arm and say, “must you be so cheesy?”

when you think about it though, it makes sense. you’re not quite sure how, but to you, seojun, too, had always been more than just a best friend, and not merely because you had feelings for him - ‘friend’ had always felt too small of a label when you think about the bond you share with this person. you have a lot of friends, and none of them could ever compare, or is as special to you as seojun and suho are, who have been with you through thick and thin. seojun was your number one, your first choice, your go-to; he was the exception to a lot of things - maybe soulmate would be the closest term to call it, if it were real.

seojun laughs, reaching over swiftly but somehow hesitantly, to sweep your hair back behind your shoulder - another innocent gesture that wreaks havoc with the rhythm of your heartbeat - leaving the spot on your cheek his fingers had grazed tingling. you swear you could kiss him right now.

and it’s like he’s thinking the same thing. slowly, his smile fades, gaze still holding yours; the silence shifts, deepens, and when his eyes flicker down to your lips and he inches closer ever-so-slightly, you realize there’s nothing like this - like the anticipation of kissing someone you really like. it’s a new kind of butterflies you feel. a different kind of thrill. 

but before he can actually lean in closer, you feel it - first on your eyelashes, and then your cheek. you look away, much to the other’s disappointment, and extend your hand into the air, feeling the droplets of water on the palm of your hand.

“it’s drizzling,” you point out, turning to face him. but seojun’s eyes never left your face. you stand up as soon as you feel more raindrops come, pulling your hoodie over your head before reaching out to take ahold of his wrist. “let’s go.”

you drag him to the nearest cover, running towards the convenience store not too far from the place. finally, you’re in front of the entrance under its roof, narrowly missing the rain that had just started pouring louder and heavier.

“that was close,” he mutters.

“yeah,” you sigh in relief, nodding towards the store, “let’s go buy an umbrella and walk home?”

a thoughtful pause. seojun has another thing in mind.

“or,” he smirks, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “i’ll race you,” he suggests, so coolly that it didn’t register quick enough that he was actually challenging you. one moment he’s there to see the confusion flashing across your face, but by the time realization dawns, he’d already taken off, giggling several feet away from you. 

“wha—hey!”

[missmonsters2]

today I feel awful... idk my insecurities are taking over me and I just want to curl into a ball and cry. maybe it's my hormones maybe the fact that I weighted myself and found out I gained weight (I can't fit into my jeans 😭) and the fact that I saw my sister in a tight skin dress looking perfect while I'm in my pj's just destroyed my confidence. I need something angsty to read to make me forget about my sad, miserable lffe right now. would you be down in writing sth angsty with nat maybe? you don't have to though. it's fine either way. I really appreciate all of your work and I keep reading on repeat whenever I'm feeling down. makes me cheer up. thank you, van ❤️

It's like we're the same person because I also went to visit my sister recently and my sister has gotten her life together and is living her best hot girl bod while I...let's not go there.

I just want you to know that you're hot as fuck and a body is just a body that we can change with time and effort. We're lit rally in this together. This time next year, we will be rocking the body that makes up happy and we'll be healthy!!! 💘💘

But I will still give you nat angst...but with a happy ending bc I said you deserve a HEA!!

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

The Withers of Springtime Bloom

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spring is a time of blooming and when things come back to life. You can't help but notice things that may be causing your relationship with Natasha to wither.

Warnings: self-esteem issues, insecurities about body, relationship with working out and food, seasonal depression. angst with HEA.

Count: 2.1k~

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You're not sure when things changed.

Things change so slowly after all.

Without you noticing, things change and change and change until one day, you do notice.

You notice that Natasha has become quieter, somber.

You notice the lack of date nights and affectionate touches.

You notice that you've let yourself go a little.

You're standing in front of the mirror, staring at your body with a frown. You've gained weight since dating Natasha, but relationship weight gain was normal, wasn't it?

But you remember how Natasha was just as fit as she was before she met you. Sure, she was a superhero, and you were a regular civilian; there was no reason for you to train long hours as Natasha did.

Still...

You turn to the side and peer at yourself in the mirror again.

You can't help but wonder...were you becoming less attractive to her?

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

It had been the beginning of fall when you met Natasha. You loved the season of change and when things turned into warm colors before withering away for winter to come.

Natasha had come like a blessing, and in the winter, she was just warm as the colors of fall. Instead of withering away, she bloomed and invested that warmth in your relationship with her.

Despite always being an early riser to work out, weekends were the days she stayed in bed with you just a little longer. There had been so many breakfasts, lunch, and dinner dates. You found yourself moving things around or neglecting to work around her busy schedule.

Perhaps that was when things began to change. Eating out so often and forgoing working out to spend time with Natasha was what led to this.

Spring has arrived, and things are coming back to life. Yet somehow, your relationship with Natasha was withering away.

"Hey," you greet her as you come home, shopping bags in hand. You bought some more clothes when things felt like they didn't fit comfortably anymore. The experience had been upsetting for you, and you didn't end up buying too much, telling yourself you didn't want to spend too much when you were going to lose the weight.

Natasha was working in her office, peering down over reports, and barely acknowledged you other than with a hum.

"Long day?" You ask her as you put your things away and walk over to her.

"Yeah," Natasha sighed. "Trying to get these reports done since Maria needs them tomorrow."

That had been Natasha's excuse for spending long hours in her office every night for the last two weeks.

You place your hand on Natasha's shoulder with a reassuring squeeze, but she leans to the side as if to readjust herself, but still away from your touch.

The sting immediately comes, but you try to push it down, so it doesn't hurt as bad.

"Right," you say hoarsely, but Natasha stares on at the reports. "I'm just going to get ready for bed. It's been a long day and all. Let me know if you need anything."

Natasha gives you a nod as you leave the room. You feel awkward as you lie in the bed you share with her. You wonder if you're taking up too much space.

There's a pang of something as you try to curl yourself to be smaller and only distantly realizing you've skipped dinner before you fall asleep.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You fall back onto the mat, chest heaving and your lungs burning.

It's been a while since you've worked out, and now you're definitely paying for it with how unfit you are.

The gym is moderately empty with the hour it is. You hate going to a public gym because it always feels like someone is staring, but it's better for strangers to stare than working out at the Compound for people you know to stare at you.

The rational part of you knows that you should just talk to Natasha, but the emotional side of you whispers that you won't like what Natasha has to say, that she might even end it before you've had a chance to change yourself.

When weeks pass, and you weigh yourself again, you almost start crying because you've only lost a couple of pounds.

It's normal, you know it is. You're losing weight at a normal rate, but it's not enough. You know fast weight loss wouldn't make sense for your body but you also feel you don't have half a year to go back to your normal weight.

You sit on the bathroom floor for hours, debating what to do when you hear a quiet knock.

"Sweetheart, are you in there?" Natasha's muffled voice comes through.

You wipe at your eyes furiously as you stand up.

"Y-Yeah," you answer back. "I'm just in the tub soaking."

There's a moment of silence through the door before Natasha answers back, "Alright. Enjoy yourself. Did you want me to order anything specific for dinner?"

"No, it's okay," you tell her. "You order anything you want. I already ate on my way home." You think about the chicken salad you've been eating for the past two weeks and almost sigh.

Natasha answered that she just came back to see if you've eaten, but she actually had to head back to the Compound. You were Natasha shuffling around before leaving through the front door, and you let out the breath you were holding.

You actually take a long, hot shower before putting on sweats and a big hoodie.

The truth was, you were hungry. The chicken salad was okay on the way home, but it had been a couple of hours since.

You knew starving yourself wasn't the answer, so you went into the kitchen to see if you could find something healthy to hold you over until you could go to bed.

But you can't find anything in the fridge except for Natasha's leftovers from whatever she ordered the day before. You can't find anything except frozen pizzas and microwavable foods.

You check the calories on the back and let out a frustrated sigh. Checking your watch, you realize it's too late in the evening to go grocery shopping because, by the time you get there, stores will have closed.

You slump down on the floor, leaning against the cabinets as you let out a pathetic whimper while your eyes became hot with tears.

You miss Natasha. You want Natasha holding you and telling you it would be okay. But you couldn't have that until you were back to what you were when you met her.

The front door suddenly opens.

"Have you seen my—sweetheart?" Natasha started to call before she noticed you sitting on the floor. "What's wrong?"

You use your sleeve to wipe at your eyes as you sit up straight.

"Nothing," you sniffle before you start to stand. "I just stubbed my toe against the edge of the kitchen island. What were you looking for? USB? You left it next to the bedside."

Natasha stares at your back, hair still wet as she takes in your attire.

"It's a little hot to be wearing a hoodie and sweats, isn't it?" Natasha asks softly. "Doesn't seem like you turned on the aircon in here."

You keep walking, but Natasha starts to follow you.

"'m cold," you say quietly so she can't hear the tremble in your voice.

"Are you feeling sick?" Natasha asks with concern as you sit down on the couch, turning on the TV. You pull the blanket over you as if to make your point.

"No," you tell her because you don't want her to worry. "Just cold after a bath."

Natasha sets her things down before she takes a seat next to you. Even in the low lighting, she can see your eyes rimmed red and dampness of them.

You're refusing to look at her as you have your knees drawn up to your chest and stare stubbornly at the TV screen.

Then she hears it.

Your stomach grumbles.

"Are you hungry, sweetheart?" Natasha asks softly again. "We can just order food and stay in tonight."

Your cheeks grow hot. "Don't you have to be at the Compound?"

You don't mean to snap at her, but you can't help but feel embarrassed.

Natasha remains quiet for a moment, quickly thinking over the last few weeks before she feels guilt trickle in.

She doesn't remember the last time she ate with you—doesn't remember the last time she saw you eat.

"Sweetheart," she calls you gently again, and you bristle at the tone. "Is there something wrong?"

The fragile dam you've built to keep the weeks of compiling emotions at bay breaks, and you're hurtling down the stream over the waterfall.

"Are you not in love with me anymore?" You choke out as you begin to cry.

You can't even register to feel horrified at your breakdown because you just need to know.

"I know...I know my body has changed since we first met and I've gained weight but I really am trying to lose it. I just—I feel like you're avoiding me. At first, I thought things at work have been really stressful for you, and I wanted to give you space but you're gone all the time. You're gone even when you're here."

Natasha can barely understand anything you've said after hearing you say the first part. Her breath hitches painfully in the back of her throat, and she legitimately feels appalled at herself.

She starts to say something, but you keep going.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make this about me because if you're going through something then I want to support and be there for you. But I can't help but feel like you're grossed out by me. I mean—I feel grossed out when I look at myself. I feel like I'm taking up so much space—"

Natasha cuts you off abruptly, pulling off the blanket as she pulls at you until you're in her lap.

"Nat—"

"You're not gross and this is not about the weight you have or have not gained. You hear me?" Natasha says forcefully as she holds you close to her, hand over your thigh to keep you against her.

"God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if I've been making you feel like you're not attractive me," Natasha's eyes well up as your tears wet her shoulder. "You're literally still the most gorgeous person I've ever met and you're always going to be that to me."

Natasha's hand at your waist dips underneath your hoodie, her fingers trailing up your back as she sighs at your warmth. "I should've told you, but the springtime is just really hard for me. It's odd because it's a time for things to come back to life but some of the worst things have happened to me during the spring and things blooming makes me think about things that aren't coming back. I think it's also just a little bit of seasonal depression too. I'm just the rare percentage that gets it in the spring."

The explanation makes your body sag with relief because while you feel so horrible that there is a reason Natasha doesn't like spring, she's not falling out of love with you.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I was hurting you," Natasha apologizes again. "I didn't mean to be so distant but I didn't want to bring your mood down as well, which is why I've been working so much to keep busy."

"It's okay," you muttered as your turn your head, forehead pressed against her neck. "I'm sorry spring is depressing for you."

Natasha merely hushes you as she kisses the side of your head.

You begin to feel awkward, thinking about how you must be heavy on her and try to move, but Natasha doesn't let you.

"Sweetheart, I don't know how to convince you that you're perfect to me," Natasha says so seriously as she forces you to look at her. "If you want to lose weight because that is what you want, then I support you. But I need you to understand that I love you no matter what. I don't care either way because you're so fucking lovely to me always. Do you understand?"

Timidly, you reply, "Okay. Thank you."

Natasha presses her lips against yours in a long kiss before she pulls back.

"Now, I'm going to ask again. Are you hungry? We can order in and watch that new show on Netflix I heard was pretty good from Wanda."

You feel lighter. You think you might still want to work out because that would make you happy, but you don't feel the rush like you did just a couple of hours ago.

"Yeah," you say shyly. "But maybe something not so heavy?"

Natasha nods as she presses another kiss into your cheek as she helps you settle onto the couch right beside her to grab her phone.

"Anything to make you bloom."

[alreadyblondenow]

Each other’s replacements

▸ Na Jaemin x female!reader ▸ Inspired by the anime Scum’s Wish ▸ High school au, SMUUUUT, fluff and angst

Summary: Two broken hearts met unexpectedly and agreed to use each other so you can both move on from your exes. Your hearts belong to each other already, you’re just waiting for love to take place and make everything right. But will you both still choose each other in the future? Word count: 6,988k

Warnings: Using each other to forget your exes, ex Lee Jeno, kind of fuck buddies but no? Fingering, mentions of fingering, handjob, blowjob, and watching each other masturbate, mentions of taking nude photos after sex, Jaemin taking a picture of your naked body after sex (with consent ofc), uproctected sex, mentions of rough sex, making out, swearing, mentions of breakup, actual breakup

A/N: I hope you enjoy this Jaemin fic. I tried writing it as realistic as possible because I think Scum’s Wish is a very mature and realistic anime, I mean shit like that happens in real life. And I think Mugi is so fucking handsome. The ending of the series sux btw HAHAA bc I wanted them to end up together so heres my version of it. 

It all happened so fast but the heartbreak stayed and the process of healing is very slow.

Three months have passed already when your ex-boyfriend Jeno broke up with you on a nice afternoon after school. The reason? Well, let’s just say he fell out of love. And that’s what made it worst because you remember that all you ever did was love him and please him.

Every day, you go to school, attend class, study hard but you always looked so gloomy. And whenever Jeno cross paths with you in the hallways, he knew he hurt you badly and that you’re not your normal self anymore. The cheerful and excited girl he fell in love with was gone and it’s all because of him. He can only wish that someone will bring you back and make you happy again.

“I’ll help you with that,” a cold manly voice interrupted you and your thoughts while you were having a hard time throwing the trash. He’s not part of your class, he’s one of Jeno’s classmates but you two were never introduced to each other.

You watch him throw the heavy trash for you and hoping that he will hand the bin afterward but he didn’t. “Lead the way, it’s dirty I’ll hold it for you” he insists, so you do as you’re told, showed him the way so you can finish this day as soon as possible.

Jaemin knew everything. It’s a small school and students usually gossip too much whenever a couple breaks up, especially after being together for so long. He knew who broke your heart, he also knew that you used to smile and be cheerful all the time because he has seen you in places and he knew you're capable of automatically lighting up the place whenever you’re around. But now… all he can see is a broken-hearted girl.

“Here,” you hand him a tissue and your hand sanitizer as a thank you for not letting your hands get dirty. He accepted it and gave you a small smile, obviously, he’s not shy and he was looking directly at you while his hands move. To be honest, you have no reason to be shy with each other, and honestly, you just don’t care anymore you just want to end this day. But Jaemin being the bold man that he is, bravely loosen up the ribbon of your school uniform and undid a few buttons from your school blouse. It was a common thing for students to do that after school as a sign that they're ready to head home and end their day. Jeno used to do it for you, and you didn’t expect Jaemin would do it. Despite the fact that you only met properly today.

You don’t know what happened but your heart was racing the moment he’s done adjust it and you just stare at his crooked tie and figured you may as well loosen it up for him too and return the favor. A bold move that Jaemin did not expect from a girl because he’s used to being with girls who become shy and all flustered after he makes a move.

But you, you’re different.

And that’s when Jaemin realized that you are a perfect match for him.

Word is Na Jaemin is pretty popular with girls. Besides Lee Jeno your ex, Na Jaemin is the second most handsome guy in school. Not only that he’s handsome, but you also know that he is passionate when it comes to photography, he’s naturally smart, not that nice, quiet but cocky, cold but can give anyone the right amount of attention if he wants to. But in your case, you have his full attention.

That afternoon, for the first time in three months, you did not go home alone, someone walked with you and watched you go inside your house.

The same cold but needed interaction with Jaemin happened over and over again until people started to gossip and think that you’re together. But it was nothing like that and you stopped caring about rumors a long time ago. Jaemin is nothing like Jeno, but he’s a gentleman, he’s straightforward but most of the time quiet. And most of the time you share silence not stories and you both love it that way.

You were different people but before you knew it, you were spending more time with each other.

On Valentine's day, you don’t know what came to his mind and brought you a bouquet of roses and gave it to you secretly. You were genuinely happy of course, but you just couldn’t smile that big and show him more. Seeing him from afar with a dozen roses and a smirk, with his black sling bag he uses for school that makes him so attractive… is enough to call your Valentine's day a memorable day.

“You’re special too,” he said and hands you the bouquet. “Ready to go home? Sorry I couldn’t help you with trash today, I picked these up right after school and rushed back-“

“Thank you” you cut him off with a friendly kiss on the cheek that made him blush and shy for the first time.

With a bouquet of roses on your left arm and the trash bin on your right hand, you came back to your classroom to get your stuff and put the bin back. You cleaned your hands and admire the roses as the afternoon sunlight hits them perfectly and finally come out again to meet Jaemin. Only to find him eavesdropping on the classroom near yours.

“What-“

“Shh” he cut you off with a ‘shh’ gesture and made you look at the half-closed door and made you listen to their conversation as well.

Jeno I like you too.

Were words that immediately ruined your day that Jaemin perfected. But this is not about you. Because when you turned your back and looked at the man beside you, you saw yourself. The pain that you’ve been feeling for months now, you saw it in Jaemin’s eyes too. Now you understand that you’re just two broken people who are still in pain. And you have no idea that he has been hurting too.

Of course, seeing Jeno with another girl hurt you badly, but seeing Jaemin get teary-eyed bothered you more. So you reached for his hand and whispered, ‘it’s okay’ even though it’s not, and walked away silently with him to continue your day together.

“Do you think they’re just doing this because people are gossiping about us?” you asked while you watch him stare at his coffee blankly. You’ve never seen him like this even though he’s always quiet and cold.

“N-no. I know my ex, uhm… she wouldn’t use anyone. Is Jeno-“

“No. I know him too. And I know that he’s happy when he found out about us,”

“So it’s true then. Their feelings for each other” he said and went back to staring at his coffee blankly.

You pursed your lips and let out a deep sigh. Allowing yourself to be hurt again by hearing the truth that you have been completely replaced in Jeno’s heart. There was silence. Then you decided to admire the flowers that Jaemin gave to you and feel the soft petals on your fingertips. This day could have been a turning page for the both of you, but now you’re both very sure that you’re not yet ready to open your hearts for somebody else.

“Red roses mean love and romance,” you said as you continue to admire the roses that he gave which made him smile a little. “Do you like me?” and just like that, you gave him the question that you’ve been meaning to ask for the past few months.

“I do” he answered without hesitating, which gave you a shock actually. “Do you?” he returned the question.

“I don’t,” you said the truth because you can’t repay him with lies. No. You can’t do that to Jaemin, “but you’ve become special to me. And I don’t want to lose you too,” Honestly you thought being honest to him will make him feel even more horrible but it didn’t. In fact, it brought the unique handsome smile you love seeing on his face.  

“Though, it’s not right that we are using each other to forget our exes-“ you added but he cut you off immediately.

“But I need you, and honestly I’ve been very happy these past few weeks because of you” he confessed. And you wish that you could tell him the same thing but you can’t because it’s still Jeno. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not begging you to stay. You’re an adult and I have nothing against your decisions. But I really hope we could go back to normal and be closer now that we know what each other really feels. I will date you properly when the right time comes… Just not now that we're both still confused and not sure”  

Everything did not make sense of course, and the right thing to do is refuse. But the past few weeks were actually good. Not great but still Jaemin was a huge change. So you nod your head and agreed that you should continue what you’re doing but promised each other that if either one of you feels pressured already, then you should stop.

As you continue seeing Jaemin and trying to move on from Jeno, you became comfortable with each other as days go by to the point that neither one of you cares if someone mentions that you look great together even though your relationship is not true.

It was a never-ending try to give each other the chance and love that you deserve. But at the same time, it was a never-ending process of healing from your exes, a never-ending heartbreak whenever you two hear something good about their relationship. And to be honest you’re both happy that you’re not facing this heartbreak alone.

You’re thankful for each other because you have each other’s backs. But in a different way.

Jaemin is thankful for you because he can hold your hand, hug you tightly from behind then whisper sweet words, and kiss your neck, whenever he wants to, and whenever he misses skinship with his ex.

You on the other hand, is thankful too because he does these various things to you and you can just close your eyes and he lets you imagine that he’s Jeno. Like now. You were just cuddling and watching the rain from his window when suddenly his hand roamed under your skirt while he was listening to you talk, and his cold fingers played on the hem of your panties. Teasing your pussy and moving his fingers up and down your wet cover slit.

“How does Jeno touch you? Is gentle? Rough?” He asks in the sexiest tone he ever used and started kissing your neck. You had a hard time answering his question because of what he’s doing, but your mind lurks on the memories you had with Jeno in his room.

You remember how Jeno fingered you in his bed, how two fingers always feel good and that’s how you like it, you remember that while his fingers are deep inside you, he is busy kissing your body. Planting soft kisses on your chest and on your boobs, kissing your nipples and making them sensitive and he puts them in his mouth and sucks it good until it's both swollen.

This is the first time Jaemin had touched you down there. And you swear, you don’t want him to stop and you just want to remove your panties and spread your legs for him.

“Jaem-“ you moaned out an airy tone. Calling his name with your eyes closed and parted lips. Feeling his fingers go up and down your wet slit still.

“Do you mean Jeno?” Jaemin asks. But truth be told he doesn’t mind you moaning his name instead on your first time going too far. And finally, he removed your panties and made you spread your legs for him which you gladly did. Putting two fingers slowly while he’s watching you make the sexiest faces that just simply makes him hard.

Jaemin never rushed, he took his sweet time with your body. Pushing you on the edge over and over again but you don’t know why you haven’t cum yet. His tongue and fingers together were somewhat calming and just made you breathe in and out deeply, which is relaxing while you spread your legs even more.

And when you finally came, it was a nice warm feeling all over your body. Like you just got out of the shower, wet and relaxed. Though you feel so tired, weak and sleepy... Jeno was never like this but your imagination was a big help that you moaned Jeno’s name a couple of times and that made Jaemin felt so accomplished.

“How about you? Don’t you want to cum?” you asked Jaemin while you watch him help you wear your panties again, kissing your thighs after.

“Maybe later,” he said, not admitting that he came earlier too, ruining his boxers briefs.

That day you did more than touching each other’s private parts but actually giving each other oral sex for the first time. His sheets were so ruined because he came so hard when you gave him a blowjob, a handjob and when he jerked himself in front of you while he watches you finger yourself. In return, he made you cum more than three times using his fingers and tongue. And you came home with a weak body and weak legs that you flopped straight in your bed and slept with a smile.

But there are times that it’s just the two of you. Just Jaemin and Y/n, no exes involved. Where you can be free being yourselves whenever you’re alone together. Like him snapping pictures of you out of nowhere while you’re busy kissing him, or whenever you just finished having sex and you’re both too lazy to get dressed again and he will suddenly capture amazing photos of you while you’re still naked in his bed, wearing nothing but the smile he gave you because of the sex.

“Hmm. Jaemin, these are beautiful. Can I have this one? I love seeing your works, it’s like I’m seeing myself through your eyes”

Little did you know that that simple compliment from you made him blush hard and his heart jump. It’s not every day he gets to be himself, but lately, he has been feeling so inspired with his craft and he had a good guess it’s because of you.

“You can keep this too, it’s one of my favorites,” he said and handed you a picture of you kissing him while he smiles so big and so handsome with both of your eyes closed. It’s a perfect moment, a moment that Jaemin captured in the middle of him being so happy that you’re showering him with kisses.

Jaemin is sweet and quiet as usual and he showers you with love and affection every day in his own way. He’s not the normal guy who will praise you and tell you that you’re beautiful, he will just simply look at you like you’re his favorite person in the world. Which you are now. He doesn’t talk too much because one, that’s his personality already and two, he simply loves listening to you even though you don’t talk too much yourself.

He is the complete opposite of Jeno, and that’s why he became special to you.

“Yesterday, me and my mom were at the mall and I saw them. Just from afar and they were about to enter the movies and… you know, seeing them together hurt” he says while kicking stones on your way to your house.

You can only imagine the pain he felt when he saw them spending time together, and now it’s your time to get hurt because Jeno used to bring you to the movies. Then it gave you an idea.

“Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow? My treat,” you said. Nervous and shy you slowly met eyes and stopped walking when you finally arrived in front of your house.

“Did you just realized that I haven’t taken you out on a date? Because I feel bad, I just realized it now” he rambles.

“No no,” you chuckled, “I simply wanted to go to the movies with you. So tomorrow?” you were slowly walking away from him with a small smile on your face. If Jaemin was being honest, he wanted to be with you just a little bit longer. But parting will make your meeting even sweeter the next day.

On the next day, you remember clearly that you said ‘my treat’ yesterday. But the whole day that you’re together he never let you pay for anything, not even a bottle of water. You feel at ease even though it’s your first date and it’s your first time seeing each other in casual clothes and not in your uniforms, or wearing nothing at all. He looked handsome in his get up, he knows how to dress and he sure does look like the warm person you know.

“Do you like anything else?” he whispered beside you while you two wait for the movie to start and watch people enter.

“No I’m just a little chilly. But I’m fine, keep your jacket,” you stopped him before he removes his jacket, you know he will. So instead of lending you his jacket, he kept you close and wrapped an arm around you.

“This is nice, right?” he whispered back and rested his head on yours.

During the movie, Jaemin did not try any funny business. Though you were waiting for it and of course you will give him your consent. If this was Jeno, by this time you’re whimpering and cumming on his fingers by now. But you’re with Jaemin right now, and Jaemin did nothing but hold your hand, keep you close and keep you warm. And the thing that he did that made your heart race the most, was when he tightens his embrace when the couple kissed in the movie, exchanged ‘i love yous’ and he pulled you closer to him. “We’ll get there,” he whispered, “Just remember that I’m the one here and not Jeno” and you nod because you agree to him.  

Not long after your first date, you and Jaemin shared a kiss under a lamppost just before you enter your house. It was not your first kiss of course. But it was the first time that you two felt that there we're no lust involved. It was a genuine kiss. A kiss that told you ‘I’m glad you chose to stay in this stupid relationship we have’ not to mention his soft lips were addicting and he was gentle the whole time. He wasn’t rushing you, he wasn’t hungry for you. But you can feel his long to finally move on and give his love wholly to you.

“Is it okay if I kiss you like that every day from now on?” he asked softly, forehead to forehead and just enjoying the cold breeze of the evening and the quietness of the street.

It’s Jaemin, not Jeno. You remind yourself over and over again.

“Yes” you nod and wrapped your arms around his neck, “Kiss me again” you requested. And so Jaemin did, even deeper but this time he took your breath away during the kiss.

The moment you closed the door and Jaemin watched you go inside your house safely, you burst into tears because you can’t help but see Jeno in your head and imagine that it’s Jeno kissing you not Jaemin. Even though it felt nothing like Jeno’s kisses, even though you smell Jaemin’s unique cologne, still it’s Jeno whom you see in your head and it’s Jeno whom you really wanted to kiss.

Days passed by and you try a little harder to show him affection, you try a little harder to be with Jaemin and not think about your ex, you try saying Jaemin’s name more often. Calling him with a smile, surprising him with back hugs, smiling with him more. Honestly, you just want to help yourself with forgetting Jeno completely because it’s exhausting already.

Today is the school’s fair and you’ve been with your friends the whole day laughing and discussing boys over snacks, sex and other stuff. And while you and your friends have been participating in a lot of games today, Jaemin can’t stop taking pictures of you from afar and watch your pretty smile. The smile he’s been seeing a lot lately and he hopes that it’s because of him.

‘Hey beautiful, I like your smile’

You received a text from him, you look around where he is and you found him behind you. Smiling so handsomely with his camera slung on his shoulder. Your friends teased you and Jaemin for being all flirty with your glances, you have never been shy around him but now there are butterflies in your stomach. Jaemin then shamelessly showed your friends how he treats you nicely, he can’t kiss you inside the school grounds so he winked at you instead and smiled.

It definitely made everyone around you jealous. Especially when Jaemin started taking your pictures, something no one was ever seen Jaemin do.

At the end of the day, you and Jaemin walk hand in hand and went to his house to cuddle and flirt more in his bed. Hands intertwined, legs tangled, bodies closer and just listening to each other talk about the most random things.

That’s right, you and Jaemin now talk. No more comfortable silence, no more quiet walks, you’ve come so far to reach this level of comfort. And when you’re both comfortable in each other’s arms like this, you both never shut up about the things you want to share with each other. Like the comfortable silence was gone with your awkward and shy phase too.

You asked him how he used to love his ex and he never shuts up about it, and it is as if he was describing how he’s treating you but when it comes to you everything was better. Like how he used to not care about Valentines for his ex but for you he went to different kinds of flower shop just so he can find the best quality of red roses. He used to hate walking with his ex because it’s making him sweat like crazy, but when it comes to you, seeing and watching you go inside your home safely was satisfying.

“Jaemin what are we? Are we friends with benefits now? Or just friends?” you dropped the question out of nowhere while you two lie in your bed, and you play with his long and perfect eyelashes.

“Hmm. No, fuck buddies avoid feelings while we... well, we try to develop our feelings. Let’s say we're two waiting hearts, were not yet in love with each other but… we belong to each other already. How’s that sound?”

“Waiting hearts. Hmm. I like it. Did you made that up?” you giggle and ran your fingertips on his very soft lips, which made him catch your hand and kiss it before he opens his beautiful eyes again.

“Yeah” he says, “But everything I said was true. Moving on is a bitch and I just can’t wait to love you right,”

And those words were just right. Perfect actually, that it made you kiss him sweetly and sincerely. And with your lips and the way you kiss, Jaemin felt that you made a promise to him. Like you’re not going to make him wait for nothing. And because of that he deepens the kiss and went on top of you, placing his body in between your legs, kissing your body nonstop and whispering sweet things to you.

“When we're finally and officially together, I won’t hurt you as Jeno did,” and you believe him because even though that you’re a wreck now, Jaemin stayed and put up with you.

He suddenly stopped kissing you, letting you breathe and bask at this moment, then he swallowed the lump in his throat and told you the truth. “I’m finally getting there…by the way, I mean, all I think about is us-you,” he was talking about his progress of moving on. “You don’t have to be pressured or anything at this point just, focus on yourself. Okay?” he said and kissed you again.

As your days with Jaemin continues, you don’t see Jeno anymore whenever you’re with Jaemin. No more imagining, it’s just you, the moment, and Jaemin. Though you’re not sure if you’ve already moved on this time or you’re just too overwhelmed because of Jaemin. Still, you know to yourself that you’re getting there and Jaemin is the reason why you’re even more closer to peace now. But you haven’t told him yet because you’re not ready. For you, you know that he will not leave and so it’s okay to take your time.

It started when you realized everything that he has done for you and the things that he’s ready to do for you. Loving again, or being given the opportunity to love someone again so deep is something so special and exciting especially when the man who holds your heart and the one waiting for you right now is Jaemin. The life you’re taking before Jaemin was like a black tunnel that you’ve been walking around in circles for some time now. And you sure as hell don’t want to take that path again.  

And just thinking about experiencing the things that Jaemin has to offer, you can only do that if you give up on Jeno. So with great effort, you slowly focus your mind only on Jaemin and replace every bit of Jeno in your life with Jaemin, and from now on you make sure that you have something in return for him.

“Jaemin-“ you moan his name. Something so new and so satisfying for Jaemin to hear it's his name you moan now, not Jeno’s.

“You know, you make me shy whenever you say my name” he catches his breath and came closer to you to plant kisses on your back and knead your boobs from behind, nipples hard and swollen because you’ve been in bed with him for almost two hours now. “What do you need?” he asks while making you feel good with his lips and hands.

“Maybe slow down? I’m not going anywhere,” you hear him giggle from behind because of your request, slapping your but playfully and squeezing it good. Then suddenly, out of nowhere he rolled his hips, and let out a sexy grunt. “Fuck Jaemin, I wasn’t ready-“ you croak and landed on the mattress, face first as you grip the sheets and take Jaemin’s cock followed by a wave of hard and fast thrusts.

He kept a firm grip on your waist as he gives you hard thrusts and he kept you down on the mattress, a hand on your waist and a hand on your nape. It kept your movements minimal that’s why you can’t do anything now that you’re on the edge and he’s torturing you using his dick. But the best part of Jaemin fucking you from behind is the way he fucks you rough... so rough sometimes that you get red marks after a good round. This only happens whenever he catches his breath, but sometimes his thrusts become slow and deeper and honestly you feel like he’s rearranging your insides. And of course you love it whenever he’s just so fast and the sound of skin slapping surrounds his room and the impact of his thrust just drags you on the mattress, almost at the edge of the bed and he would have to drag your body towards him and fuck you faster and harder.

But this time, your pussy is so sensitive and your body is giving up and shivering already that you try and push him away, moan his name for mercy, grip his sheets while you arch your back so beautifully to ease your sensitivity.

“You said you’re not going anywhere? Why are you running away from me? Huh?” it was a sexy tone and his thrusts started to go slow but deeper than before and he had spread your legs again from behind. His arm is around your neck and ends at your shoulder, bodies closer than ever as he puts his whole weight on you and you feel his hard rock abs hits your back. Then he started thrusting hard again but now you can’t move your body because he got you locked in his arms, and instead of gripping the sheets, you now grip Jaemin’s arm and hands as you don’t have a choice but to accept his hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust, you breathe heavily and let out groans and call out his name. Until your body can’t take it anymore and you’re shaking uncontrollably and you did everything you can to push him away and try curling yourself into a ball but Jaemin was quick to flip you on your back and reach in for a deep kiss.

Kissing you while you cum and enjoy your orgasm. Feeling his tongue swirl around your as your body shakes and his hands caress your thighs so you could calm down and melt on his kiss.

After you cum, you and Jaemin did not stop kissing. He stayed above you, in between your legs and proceed to make out. Slowly and passionately, hands roaming to appreciate each other’s body, hands together and your lips locks and you look at each other with deep admiration.

“I want to date for real now. I’m so afraid to lose you Y/n,” he said directly into your eyes and rested his forehead on yours. “I promise I can do more for you, just be mine completely” he reached for your hands and kissed your knuckles.

Finally, you thought. And to be honest you have so much to say but none came out from your mouth. You looked at his tired sex face, his hair is all over his face, sweaty and his lips are swollen because of your intense kisses. And because your heart is full of happiness right now, you just nod so fast and cup his face and attacked him with kisses.

A love for love.

The first few days with Jaemin were beautiful. You both have your hearts full of love admiration towards one another and you shower each other with love every day without having second thoughts. You have never been loved like this and you didn’t know that you can love someone as deeply.

In just a few days, lust and love were perfectly balanced in your relationship. Now that you’re officially together, you and Jaemin would rather talk non-stop while holding hands, laugh and laugh until you’re both in tears, rather than have sex and exhaust each other out. But of course, now that you’re together, you can finally have the right to stay the night at their house, meet his family, have quiet sex at night where Jaemin’s lips are on your lips, catching every sound and moan you make so his parents won’t suspect.

“I love you,” you said and kissed him before you close your eyes and drift away. In return, he tightens his embrace and kissed you one too many times.

“I love you too,”

Now that you and Jaemin are official, he wanted to do everything again with you. Meaning, he wanted to give you flowers again as your boyfriend this time and not just as someone who’s waiting for you. He wanted to take you out on a proper date as your boyfriend, on your favorite fast food and spend all night long being happy with you.

SUNDAY

At first, you didn’t want to agree with his plan because him giving you all his love every day was enough. But he insists, and that’s why you’re waiting for your handsome boyfriend at your favorite fast food with a glass of water in front of you. He’s 30 minutes late already and you wonder why.

“I’ll get the red ones please, my girlfriend loved those last Valentine's day,” Jaemin’s smile was so big as he watches the florist wrap the red roses he got for you. He’s late because he went to the same shop where he bought you the flowers that you loved last Valentine's day.

And just as Jaemin walks out of the flower shop with a bouquet of red roses in his arm and a smile on his face, he thought about how this night will definitely be a great night for the two of you. And most importantly, no exes to ruin your first date as a couple.

While you were waiting for Jaemin inside, you didn’t know that he’s outside with a dozen roses in his arm and just smiling because he is now looking at the girl whom he loves the most.

Then suddenly, his phone rang and accepted an unexpected phone call. The voice of the girl on the other line was familiar. Very familiar. And his fist balled up immediately when he heard her crying through the phone. Turns out, he still can’t say no to the girl he used to love so much and his excitement on seeing you was immediately replaced with anger.

“Who made you cry? Where are you?” Jaemin asked sternly to his ex.

“He left me Jaems- I’m sorry I don’t know who else to call, I’m at home can you please go here? I really need someone right now, I’ll lose my mind,”

And just like that, he chose his ex over you. He told himself, he will be quick and still meet you afterward. But you waited for an hour… until closing time. Leaving tons and tons of messages to Jaemin but he didn’t return any of them. Maybe something important came up? A family matter? You tried and tried to forgive him even though you’re pissed that he didn’t show up. You even reminded yourself that you didn’t want this date in the first place so why be upset? So it’s okay.  

When you’re finally near your house after a very disappointing date that could have been a beautiful one for you and Jaemin, a very familiar figure was waiting for you outside your house.

One glance at that perfect face, small crescent eyes, and beautiful smile, gave your mind an instant flashback. The guy who loved you first way before Jaemin came into your life, the man who loved you in your highs and lowest moment, the man you’ve been waiting to come back…. is finally back.

“How are you?” he started.

“Better. Jeno, what are you doing here?” you asked, straight to the point.

“I just came by to see you. I’m the one who ruined us but I still miss you from time to time you know? And now I know why,”

“And that is?”

“Regrets. Now that I’m single again, for sure my regrets will even weigh more,” he let out a heavy sigh and looked at his shoes before he gave you a question. A question that he already knows the answer. “If I ask you to come back, will you accept it?” he didn’t look you in the eye. He just stared at the sky and waited for your answer.

“No,” you said honestly and without regrets. “I waited for you to come back long enough. And I worked so hard to be healed again,”

“Then I should’ve asked you earlier then. I should’ve left her earlier,”

What he said sounded wrong for you. Because you know if he did those earlier you will end up hurting Jaemin instead. At least now, it’s clear like the sky above that you no longer love Jeno.

The night ended with a friendly hug. It’s the only comfort you can offer to him because you respect your boyfriend. And you well know that staying longer with Jeno tonight can spark your first fight with Jaemin.

But as you lie in your bed and think about everything that happened tonight, your mind takes you to unwanted scenarios where Jaemin chose to comfort his ex rather than meeting up with you. It’s not right to doubt Jaemin, so you close your eyes and looked forward to the next day.

And just as you thought, you’re going to wake up with a bunch of missed calls or texts from Jaemin, you have none. So there is something wrong.

Jaemin on the other hand is staring at a white ceiling and thinking about the things that he can’t take back right now. It’s too early for regrets but he doesn’t have a choice but to rethink his wrong decisions, over and over again. Starting when he answered the phone call from the naked girl beside him right now. The wrong decisions he made last night was the epitome of the phrase, ‘one thing led to another’

He answered the call and stood you up.

He went to his ex’s house.

He returned the kiss.

He agreed to fuck.

It was all his choice. Wrong choices that made him lose and lost you way before your relationship could have bloomed beautifully. And he can’t take that back because he can't show his face to you anymore for the sexual activity that happened last night between him and his ex, somehow brought them back together.

SUNDAY

It all happened so fast but the heartbreak stayed and the process of healing is very slow.

Seven days have passed already when Jaemin stood you up on a date to choose his ex over you. The reason? Well, you don’t know because you and Jaemin did not talk it out… the breakup sort of happened automatically when you saw him and his now girlfriend again, holding hands while entering the school grounds on a cold Monday morning. And that’s what made it worst because you remember that all you ever did was love him and be better to make way for the love you thought you both want.

Every day, you go to school, attend class, study hard but you always looked so gloomy. Again. And whenever Jaemin crosses paths with you in the hallways, he knew he hurt you badly and that he broke every promise he told you. He can only wish that he could turn back time and choose to not answer that fucking call.

Just like that, you’re back in that black tunnel and you didn’t expect that Jaemin will be the reason why you’re back on this dark path again. And this time, the heartbreak was ten times even worst than what you felt during your breakup with Jeno.  

A few more weeks after the breakup, you started being alone with yourself again and try to give your heart a break from all the drama.

But one fateful afternoon, when everyone had gone home already and you’re on trash duty again, as usual, Jaemin finally decided to swallow his pride and say the apology you deserve.

“I’m sorry, Y/n,” Jaemin said out of nowhere. He was looking straight into your eyes when he said it, and you can see that he’s sincere through his eyes.

“I hope you’re happy” and that's all you can say and try to walk away.

“I’m not- do you still love me?”

It was a question that broke both of your hearts because you both know that even though love is involved, it’s still not enough to keep you together.

But still, you answered him with all honesty. “Yes” short and simple.

“Then let's be together-“ he proposed with hopeful eyes.

“And what? Cheat?” you ask sternly, he nodded. “One of the reasons why I liked you back then is because you’re not complicated. You’re a simple ‘yes’ and ‘no’, but now you’re the one who complicates things. I’m sorry. It’s a no,” and that is an answer Jaemin did not expect from you because he thought you loved him that much that you’re still going to accept him. But maybe, the pain that he’s feeling right now, is the same pain that you felt when he chose his ex over you that night.

As days, months, and seasons change but of course the heartbreak never left, you focus more on being with yourself until finally you survived this school year and today is your last day in school. But before everything ended, a lot has happened before it finally ended, like Jeno suddenly transferring schools, Jaemin is single again, and you were awarded for ranking #3 out of hundreds of other students studying their asses off.

That same afternoon, while you’re fixing your stuff and ready yourself to go home under the pouring rain, Jaemin found you alone in your classroom again. And it felt like you’re meeting again for the first time. You don’t know why you accepted his help, you don’t know why you let him walk you home under his small umbrella that made you walk closely together.

He was quiet. You were quiet. But it was not the comfortable silence you used to have, it was very awkward. But you both endured it because if you’re both going to be honest with your feelings, you both wanted this.

“Are we going to do this again?” you ask before you enter your house.  

“Yes. The right way,”

And you know you both found your way back to each other because it’s the right thing to do.

[mxchellesworld]

swim

Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings; smut, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, degradation, light choking, creampies, slight thigh riding

Synopsis; during a night out with your friends you spot a tall man in a dark suit with an even darker look in his eyes

a/n; this is literally just smut with very little plot lmaoo uhh i’ve been struggling in my smut writing/writing in general so here’s this, hope its not completely trash and you enjoy!

fic inspired by swim by chase atlantic, bc god knows i can't write anything original sdhfdh

***

It was 10 o’clock when your girlfriends rounded you up for a night out, hopefully full of sweet drinks and good company. By 11:30 you were happily buzzed and the feelings of warm bodies around you brought a heat to your lower stomach. Maybe tonight you’d go home with someone, wake up the next morning with that delicious sense of soreness between your legs. The only task at hand was finding a companion.

Once the current song ended you walked over to the bar grabbing a water and taking a seat next to your friends.

“How are the prospects lookin tonight y/n/n?” Jessica, the short brunette you’d known for years asked. Being around her had rubbed some of her boldness onto you. Hopefully that could make an appearance tonight.

“No luck so far,” you sighed “but my eyes are wide open.” You brought the straw to your lips, gulping down the cool water as you looked around the dimly lit room.

“Woah check out suit and tie over there. He’s been checking you out for a while,” chimed Erika. While she has happily taken, that didn’t stop her from going out with you guys and pushing you into random laps.

You looked up to see the darkest pair of brown eyes on yours. Maybe it was the lighting but here was something in them. Lust perhaps? His eyes travelled down your frame as you stood up. The tight lilac dress you had on hugging each of your curves perfectly.

"I'm gonna get some air, let me know if you guys wanna head out," you said never letting your eyes drift away from the handsome stranger a few feet away.

Once outside you let your back hit the brick wall. The music from the building could be felt vibrating through the cracks. You looked up seeing the stars barley visible through the city lights.

"Contrary to popular belief you can never see millions of stars, they simply aren't close and bright enough. On a really exceptional night, with no moon and far from any source of lights, a person with very good eyesight may be able to see 2000-2500 stars at any one time."

You turned to see the same man from inside. He was gorgeous, a light stubble grazing his cheeks, long hair falling past his ears. He was a lot taller than you had thought probably taller than 6'0 but all that made you think about was him towering over you.

"Did you make that up off the top of your head? Or do you approach all your conquests with astronomy facts?"

"That depends do you usually let strange men corner you behind bars or am I just special?" he said walking closer to where you stood.

"Touche Mr."

"Doctor actually."

There was a brief pause where you both let out a giggle. The dark eyes from before seemed lighter and you cold almost make out a blush on his cheeks. The lack of alcohol on his breath told you it was from the conversation, though there was nothing to be flushed about yet.

“But seriously a pretty girl walking out to a back alley late at night is just a recipe for disaster,” he finished scanning both ends.

“Well do you plan on hurting me doctor?" you said coyly. You did you best to flutter your lashes looking up at him.

"Is that what you want?" he said letting one of his hands tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear. That same hand ended up resting loosely around you neck making you gulp.

"Yes," you breathed out, "please doctor."

He wasted no time in crashing his lips to yours. You moaned into his mouth as he slid his thigh in between your own. His unoccupied hand went down to your hip, slowly guiding the pace of your frantic rutting.

Your lips parted as your head tilted back onto the brick wall. A symphony of whimpers leaving your mouth.

"Look how desperate you are for me. I haven't even done anything and you're already such a mess," he said leaving wet kisses, cooling on your scorching neck.

"Oh fuck doctor," you said clinging onto his arms, "need y'to fuck."

The power he had over you turned your brain to mush. It was sad how quickly he had you melted in the palm of hand without even doing much but kissing. At this point you didn't even care. The only thought swimming in your head was having him inside you.

A pout formed on your lips as his hands dropped from your frame. However it was quickly wiped away as you heard the familiar sound of a belt unbuckling.

"Is this what you needed baby? You need my cock to stretch you out?" he said pulling your hips closer to his.

You looked up at him for permission before you reached forward to pump your hand along his shaft. He lifted your right leg, hooking it over his arm as he pulled the thin material separating the both of you to the side.

Guiding his length to your glistening folds was a sight you'd want engraved in your brain forever. The first intrusion of his fat tip in your tight hole had you mewling a mix of curses and his title.

All you could do was wrap your arms around his neck and hold on for dear life as his thrusts gained speed. The sound of your skin slapping luckily wouldn't have been heard through the door with the loud music playing inside. But anyone who walked by the alley or decided it was time for a breath of air would surly be in for a show.

"Fuck you're such a good little whore for me," he said gruffly against the skin of your shoulder, "letting me fuck you out here where anyone could see."

Your pussy clenched at his words and your moans amplified as he continued to pound into you. The curve of his cock hitting the spot inside of you that had you seeing all the stars in the sky contrary to what he said before.

"More doctor! Please wanna cum," you whined.

He made a noise of disapproval before pushing you back farther into the wall. At this point you and the red bricks were one. You were sure to have crescent marks on how hard he was holding up your thigh.

"Greedy little whore aren't you," he gritted out, "You take whatever I wanna give you."

"Please I need it! Need t'cum please please please," you rushed out bucking your hips to meet each one of his thrusts.

His hold on your hip got tighter as he started drilling into you. You could feel his heavy breathes on your shoulder and the way his cock was throbbing inside you ready to fill you up.

Your mind was dizzy. It felt like you were in a bubble of him, the scent of his cologne trapped in your senses. Your nerves were on fire, any pressure on your neglected bud would be sure to set you off.

It was as if the gods had answered your prayers when he spoke, "I can feel you clenching around me baby. Go ahead and touch yourself for me," he rasped out.

Reaching between yourself you felt the slippery mess where you both connected and started rubbing at your stiff clit. Your fingers sent lighting strikes through your body, breaking the damn that was building in your lower tummy.

"Gonna cum! I'm oh god cumming doctor," you all but yelled out. If people walking around the corner were unaware of the spectacle they sure would be now.

"That's it.. such a good girl."

Your arms around his neck let up as you pulled him in for a sloppy kiss. His lips swallowing the moans you let out as he helped you ride out your orgasm.

"Where do you want-," he tried to speak out but you cut him off.

"Inside," you begged, "Need to feel you cum inside." His thrusts turned frantic as you spoke against his lips. Pleading for hum to fill you to the brim with his seed.

You sighed as you finally felt the warm liquid coat your walls, his thrusts continuing to pump into you.

He pulled out stepping back to watch the creamy mess spill down your center before be swiped it away with his fingers, bringing them up to your awaiting mouth.

Happily you took his fingers in your mouth, moaning around them at the salty taste of your mixed release. You looked up at him keeping your gaze on the sliver of brown around his dilated pupils.

_

Walking back into the bar Jessica and Erika's eyes nearly popped out of their heads as they took in the limp in your walk and your disheveled hair.

"You whore!," Erika screamed out greeting you with pats on the shoulder.

"Shut up," you said looking down feeling the heat rising to your cheeks.

Jessica giggled handing you her compact mirror, "Yeah I bet we're not the only ones who called her that," she finished with a raise of her brow.

Looking back up across the bar you saw the same dark eyes from before staring at you with a smug smile, proud how much of mess he left you in. If the little business card tucked in your bra told you anything, it was that the stunt from outside would be far from the last.

[falcqns]

Hiiii! Long rant ahead 😅-

Can I please request a Bucky x civilian!fem!reader (Avengers au! Endgame never happened au! Bucky joined the Avengers au!) where Sam & Steve are friends with a civilian girl who Bucky starts to really like (but Bucky being Bucky, he’d be worried she would be scared of him, & he thinks he’s a monster 🥺 so he wouldn’t admit he likes her), she really likes him too, & one day when she’s spending the night at the Avengers HQ, he has another nightmare & she calms him down & goes to sleep on the floor with him & they cuddle & he kisses her 🥺 The next morning, Sam & Steve would go up to Bucky’s floor & see them cuddling on the floor of Bucky’s living room🥺 The rest of the Avengers would come up there out of curiosity & Tony would tease them so much & try to take pictures lol. Steve & Sam would be smug but also really happy for Bucky because she’d be good for him 🥺🥺🥺 Sam would annoy Bucky so much about it 😂😂💜🥰

you could never hurt me

pairing: Bucky Barnes x civilian!fem!reader

warnings: angst, fluff, soft!Bucky, almost sub!Bucky which I love and wanna write more of but im scared too bc idk if people want that, Tony being a dumb ass as usual, Sam and Steve are good friends

a/n: this got wayyy more fluffier than I planned on bc I've been diving into the little!Bucky tag on AO3 too much and he’s always such a sweetheart and I wanna write some but im too scared I’ll get hated on eep. Hope you enjoy and thank you for the request!

God, you adored Bucky.

Despite everything he had been through, he was such a sweetheart. He had a softness to him, a softness he didn’t show most people. 

You really didn’t expect to fall for him when you started running with Sam and Steve a few months prior, but you definitely weren’t complaining. However, despite the softness you saw, he seemed to hate you. 

You didn’t know why. He was never verbally rude, he’d often leave a room as soon as you’d enter it, and avoid you as much as possible. 

You’d been over to the compound plenty of times, but you had never spent the night. Tonight was Tony’s birthday party, and you wanted to talk to Bucky about why he hated you so much, but you didn’t see him at the party, or after. According to Steve, he hated parties, and tended to lock himself in his bedroom  until the party was over, when he would venture out and eat some of the left over food.

Once the party was over, you and the rest of the avengers, except Bucky, were sat in one of the many common areas drinking a few more beers before everyone retired for the night. 

You heard Bucky’s door shut behind him, and watched as he walked into the kitchen. The team seemed to completely ignore his presence, and that stung a little bit. Did they not see the sweet and innocent Bucky that you, Sam and Steve saw? You shook the thought out of your head as Bucky trudged back to his room with some food and a drink in his hand, completely ignoring his teammates. 

You sighed internally, and decided to bring it up another time. 

You had just settled into your bed for the night, when you heard noises from Bucky’s room, which was right beside yours. You ignored them at first, thinking they were just him moving around and getting ready for bed, just like you had moments before. But, soon you started to hear different noises. 

You stood up from the bed, and pressed your ear against the wall that separated the two rooms. It sounded like he was trying to call out for someone, and couldn't. Like he wanted to talk so badly, but his words were catching in his throat. You feared that he could be severely hurt, so you ran out of your room and knocked on his door. 

“Bucky, you okay?” You said, and the sounds only continued. As they got louder, you knocked again, but there was still no answer. You tried the door knob, but it was locked. You looked down the hallways and was tempted to knock on Steve’s door. You wanted to make sure he was okay and you were definitely not strong enough to kick the door in.  

Just as you were reaching Steve’s door, you heard a low shout, and sobs rip through the air. You ran back to the room and tried the door handle, which was still locked. You breathed deeply, as you tried to figure out what to do. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” You asked hesitantly, and she answered right away. 

“What can I assist you with Ms Y/L/N?” 

You breathed in relief. “Can you unlock Bucky’s door for me?” 

“Sergeant Barnes has restricted access to his room. The only one who was access is Captain Rogers.” You groaned. 

“I just want to make sure he’s okay. He can get mad at me all he wants for breaking into the room but he doesn't sound okay,” You reasoned.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. responded instantly. “I agree. His heart rate and blood pressure are rising. I will unlock the door.” A second later, a low click was heard, and this time when you tried the door, it unlocked and you stepped into Bucky’s room. 

The sight of him broke your heart. 

He had abandoned his blankets on the floor and crawled into one of the corners. His knees were pulled up to his chest, and his forehead was resting on his knees as he cried his poor heart out. You rushed over, and crouched in front of him. 

“Bucky? Are you okay?” You asked, and he shook his head, trembling slightly. You heard his teeth chattering, so you grabbed the comforter from behind you, and wrapped it around his shoulders. His cries slowed slightly, and he looked up at you.

“W-why are you helping me?” He asked, stuttering slightly. 

You furrowed your brows. “You’re obviously not doing well, and I want to help you. Why wouldn't I help you?” 

Bucky choked out a laugh. “I thought you'd be scared of me. Of what I can do. Of what I've done.” 

You sat criss cross apple sauce in front of him, and took his metal hand into your flesh one. You held it up, and intertwined your fingers with his. “I’m not scared of you.” You said simply, and Bucky nodded, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks. 

He looked down at his lap. “I could hurt you.”

You scoffed and moved closer. Without letting go of his hand, you manoeuvred to your knees, and pushed his legs down flat. You straddled his lap, you free hand rising and tangling in his locks that were wet from both his shower and sweat. “You could never hurt me.” You stated, your hand in his hair sliding down to cup his jaw, your thumb rubbing against his soft and kissable cheek. 

You watched as a tear slipped from his eye, and danced like a rain drop in a carwash down his soft but still stubbly cheek and jaw. 

“Why are you so nice to me? I don’t deserve it.” He whispered, his chin trembling. You smiled sadly and wiped the tear away. 

“You are is deserving of everything sweetheart. You’re such a sweetie pie and it sucks that the rest of your team doesn't see it, because you deserve all the loves and cuddles you could get. What you did, that wasn’t you. It may have been your body, but it wasn't you. You have been treated so harshly by so many people, including those who were supposed to protect you from those who did hurt you, when all you deserve is such kindness.” You said, and smiled when Bucky practically melted into your embrace, his head burying itself in your neck. He unraveled your fingers, and wrapped his arms around your waist, his face nuzzling in your neck. 

“Thank you. No ones ever said something that nice to me,” He said, and you felt his eyes flutter closed against the skin of your neck, finally at peace. 

“You deserve it.” You said, and you pulled away slightly. He let out a whine, but then his eyes widened, almost expecting you to hurt him. Your heart melted and you pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

“It’s okay if you’re feeling vulnerable, baby. I’m right here. I won't leave, and I won't hurt you. Let’s lay down okay?” You said, and he sniffled as he nodded and followed you groggily over to where his blankets were on the floor. You laid down, and opened your arms, inviting him in. 

He laid down in your arms, and his face found your neck again. He breathed in slightly, and sat up on his elbow suddenly. You furrowed your brow, but all the questions that were swirling in your head were answered when he pressed his lips against yours. You smiled into the kiss, and cupped his jaw again as your lips moved together slowly and sensually. 

The kiss broke a few moments later, and you ran a hand through Bucky’s hair, a dopy smile spreading on his face. 

You opened your arms again. “Come lay down, love.” You said, and he instantly complied, his body finding its previous position. You heard his breathing even out seconds later, and knew he was finally getting the sleep he deserved.

The next morning, Steve and Sam went looking all over the compound for you, and couldn’t find you anywhere. They walked past Bucky’s room once more, and made eye contact. 

“You don’t think-”

“Theres no way-” They said at the same time, and decided to look.

 A smile cracked on both their faces when they saw you and Bucky, still curled up on the floor. 

A flash went off, and they turned to face Tony. “Fuckin’ finally. Been waiting for Tin Man to make a move for months.” He said, and Steve smacked him upside the head. 

Taglist:

All:

@kpopgirlbtssvt @@nerdypinupcrystal @@sohoseb @@bieberhoodforever @crazy-avengers-gal @colicovision @est19xxshit

[kpostedsum]

daddy issues; D.M

summary: you and draco bond over issues in 6th year

word count: 2.4k

warnings: err angst, comfort, illusions to sex

song: daddy issues (the remix) - the neighbourhood

a/n: i tried not to make it stereotypical bc i didn’t wanna make it seem all “i like older men lol”, probably my fav fic i’ve written, also arent these anime gifs so cute

masterlist | taglist

Take you like a drug

I taste you on my tongue

Tongues battling for dominance, bodies rubbing against each other searching for a feeling. It’s become routine now, a different person in your dorm swallowing a new pill, entangling limbs with someone just to feel something.

You ask me what I'm thinking about

I tell you that I'm thinking about

Whatever you're thinking about

Tell me something that I'll forget

And you might have to tell me again

It's crazy what you'll do for a friend

It was a constant cycle, putting yourself out there seeking the male attention you crave, seeking validation, constant reassurance and trusting too easily. That’s how you ended up with a different guy who always in the end leaves. You trusted too easily and people took advantage of how trusting and naive you are just for a quick shag.

You wished it wasn’t like this but that’s all you knew, wanting to be the best version of yourself for someone just to feel needed, no matter if the person was good or bad for you. You didn’t care, you wanted love from anyone you could get it from even if it just hurt you more.

You’re familiar with the absence, something stable made you feel a bit wary. It wasn’t something you were used to. Your father wasn’t the most present in your life, and even though he's there, he's never really there.

Go ahead and cry, little girl

Nobody does it like you do

I know how much it matters to you

I know that you got daddy issues

And if you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too

You always wondered where you went wrong, he preferred your siblings over you and doesn't pay you a piece of his mind. Constantly going out of your way to get his attention whether it was academically or acting a certain way just to get some sort of reaction. But he was too preoccupied with his other children, even if they were from your mom or his affairs.

That’s how you found yourself right now sitting in the astronomy tower past curfew watching the rain fall, trying to clear your head while humming softly to yourself to keep yourself distracted.

You hear distant chattering from below and quickly get up from where you were sitting and make your way to your dorm unnoticed by anyone.

Except one person, Draco Malfoy.

I tried to write your name in the rain

But the rain never came

So I made with the sun

The shade

Always comes at the worst time

He’s seen you before, you’re known around Hogwarts for how you put yourself out there and how ‘desperate’ you are for some affection. He almost feels bad for you, but he’s in no place to judge. With his dad in Azkaban Draco had so much more to worry about, like his task and how he can succeed. But there was something about you that intrigued him that he couldn't ignore.

He saw you again in transfiguration the next day and noticed a few hickeys littering your neck that you had tried to cover but it didn’t work. He wondered why you gave yourself up to so many people, but once again he was in no place to judge. He noticed the way your tongue would stick out when you focused extra hard, the way your hands would tighten around your quill when you got a question wrong and your face.

The same face that many boys including the older years would fawn over, the face that entranced and attracted many, the face of someone who would do anything for someone for some affection and the face of someone who seeked out all the wrong things.

You ask me what I'm thinking about

I tell you that I'm thinking about

Whatever you're thinking about

Tell me something that I'll forget

And you might have to tell me again

It's crazy what you'll do for a friend

You walk out of transfiguration on your way to the owlery to send a letter to your parents and feel eyes watching you everywhere. You like it, the attention, it’s something that you thrived in, but you couldn’t help but feel a new set of eyes on you.

Once you reached the owlery you realized you weren't the only one there, Draco Malfoy was also there sending a letter to who you assumed was his mother.

“y/n, right?” he asked, trying to spark a conversation.

“Yea, listen i’m sorry about what happened with your father i know you really looked up--”

“Dont worry about it, he wasn’t as good an influence as I made him out to be,” he sighed, looking away.

“My dad isn’t the best either if i’m being honest, i guess we’re in the same boat” you let out a light chuckle.

And that’s how you found yourself hanging out with draco malfoy bonding over your shared issues.

Go ahead and cry, little girl

Nobody does it like you do

I know how much it matters to you

I know that you got daddy issues

And if you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues

It’s been weeks since you two started hanging out since the interaction in the owlery and have been getting closer ever since. You both sat down together in the astronomy tower, backed against the wall as the cool wind blew against your faces. The aura between you two was calm, a comfortable silence.

“So tell me about your dad, how is it with him in Azkaban?” you asked, tilting your head towards him.

“Mother’s not taking it well” he frowned. “I can’t even say potter’s wrong for getting him locked up because he deserves it. All my life he praised the dark lord and taught me to be selfish and always defend my blood, but he was never there for me when I needed him. I would have done everything just to hear ‘i’m proud of you’ but it never came. It’s worse now because mother’s all alone. I wish I could have stayed with her” he sighed looking out the tower watching the stars twinkle.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been much quieter this year as well, you stopped making fun of people. It’s not that nice on the receiving end huh?” you said with a teasing look on your face.

He shook his head at you scooting closer to you, it’s like the demeanor between you two have changed over the past few weeks. You found yourself pining over him rather than being in someone's bed. But this is how the cycle always goes, you get attached and they leave, you couldn’t help but hope this wasn’t the situation this time.

“Tell me about your father”

Daddy stuck around but he wasn't present

Cheated on your mom but she never left him

First I didn't get it, now I understand

He broke her heart, left money in her hand

So everything got paid for

She made sure you and your brother had way more

Than she ever had growing up

And when you told me the whole story I felt like throwing up

“ I don't know if i’d even call him my father at this point, he doesn't want me.” you sighed. “He's been cheating on my mum for years now and she still won't leave him because she thinks they can work it out. He’s had affairs with different pureblood women and has children with them. But what hurts the most is how he treats them as his own children and treats me as if I don't exist” you said, looking down as tears pooled your eyes.

Draco moved closer to you and brought his arm around your shoulders for a sense of comfort and waited for you to catch your breath so you can continue.

“I just want him to love me” you cried. “I go out my way to try and get his attention with my school work but it never works. That's why I get along with so many guys. I seek the validation, the comfort and the reassurance that I can get from him from others and I am so tired of it. I just want him to want me draco.” tears slipping out your eyes as you looked up at him, you’ve never confessed this to anyone before.

“Everyone always leaves, please don't leave me” you cried

“I’m not going anywhere” he turned his face towards you, leaning forward cautiously as if you were made of glass.

You leaned forward, wanting the exact same thing. Both very hesitant he gently pressed his soft lips against yours and they moved together in sequence, only taking a break to go back to his dorm and to breathe, limbs tangled together for the rest of the night until the sun rose.

I can see it on your face it was rough left a bad taste on your tongue

And she didn't even take any drug

She would rain all day

Couldn't wait for her son to shine

And you made it shine

There when she cried, you saved her life

It's been a week since that night in the astronomy tower and draco had already been avoiding you. It’s humiliating, but you should have known. You thought the ‘bond’ you had with him would last, it felt so genuine this time. So real.

You’d see him around the halls snogging pansy on your way back to the ravenclaw tower, lowering your head down so he wouldn’t be able to see you so you could get by quickly and unnoticed.

But he saw you.

He stared you right down in your teary eyes as he made out with pansy. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of betrayal, for someone who promised he wouldn’t leave you like everyone else, he did the exact same.

You did the only thing you knew of, you ran.

I keep on trying to let you go

I'm dying to let you know

How I'm getting on

I didn't cry when you left at first

But now that you're dead it hurts

This time I gotta know

Where did my daddy go?

I'm not entirely here

Half of me has disappeared

Draco followed you to the girls lavatory, hearing your shallow cries coming from one of the stalls. He approached the stall you were in trying not to make too much noise so he doesn't startle you.

He felt awful.

He promised he would never leave you, after you both poured your hearts out to each other but he still left. He had too, he was putting you in danger just by being with him. If Voldemort ever found out about you and hurt you he wouldn't be able to live with himself, that's why he took it upon himself to hurt you first.

“y/n are you in here?” he called out even though he knew the answer.

You recognized that familiar voice anywhere. “What do you want draco?” you said, trying to make it seem as if you weren’t just crying.

“I want to talk to you, please”

“No,” you said getting up and pushing yourself out of the stall. “You don't get to just throw me away after I told you everything and just come back into my life like nothing ever happened. Just go away, that's all you guys are good for” you spat.

“Just listen to me, it was to keep you safe. I didn;t want to but i couldn't bear seeing you hurt” he tried to explain.

“Safe?” you laughed. “ and what exactly do i need saving from, malfoy.”

“From me” he said as he pulled up his sleeve revealing his dark mark to you. Your body instantly tensed, you knew he was having problems and his family was involved with the dark lord but you never knew it was like this.

“Draco i-” you tried to say something but the words were stuck in your throat. He stood there looking at you desperately like he was waiting for you to tell him everything was okay, you wanted to be there for him but you didn’t know what to do. You trusted him with everything but he couldn't trust you with this? You thought the bond you had made would have made him trust you in the slightest, but clearly it's always you who’s more trusting.

“Why didn't you tell me?” you managed to say, your voice hoarse.

“I thought you’d leave me, you were the only good thing i had. Please don't leave me” he begged, salty tears escaping his eyes and running down his cheeks as he looked at you with desperation.

“So you thought pushing me away by snogging pansy was better?” you yelled, as he continued to look at you slightly taken aback by your lashing out.

“You know what, go ahead and cry little boy. You know that your daddy did too, you know what your mama went through. You gotta let it out soon, just let it out” you taunted walking closer to him looking straight into his teary eyes.

“This time I'll be the one that leaves.” and with that you were gone.

Go ahead and cry, little girl

Nobody does it like you do

I know how much it matters to you

I know that you got daddy issues

And if you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too

It’s been months since that night in the girls lavatory, and you missed him. You wanted to visit him in the hospital wing once you heard what happened with Harry Potter, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. He left you, and you were tired of always going back to people who just hurt you.

Now here you were at the battle of Hogwarts, standing with everyone while Voldemort and his death eaters stood across from you all.

“Draco, draco come here” you heard narcissa call from across the scene. He looked hesitant, as if he was waiting for someone to stop him but no one did. So he started walking over to his parents.

But you grabbed his hand.

“Stay please” you whispered looking up into his eyes.

He looked back at his parents and back at you like he was contemplating his answer.

“I’ll stay”

If you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too

—————-

tagging fun ppl nd ppl who interacted (so srry if u don’t wanna be tagged)

@hellohellook @astoria-malfcy @justfangirlthingies @sfdlm @falling-loki @notvasi @gwlvr @malfoytookmyheart