#I’ve been listening to a song on repeat that reminds me of him

[landosjpg]

so high school | ln

the one where you feel like a teenager in love.

lando norris x fem!reader

word count: ~1.0k

warnings: fluff, smut (MDNI, +18), public masturbation, fingering, orgasm denial

note: i’ve been listening to this song on repeat for almost a week now, it’s so catchy and the GTA lyrics made me laugh so i had to write something inspired by it. it’s short but i hope you enjoy :) not proofread

being in love had never been as easy as it was with lando.

you had been in love before, sure, but your heart beat in a different rhythm whenever he was around.

you both had felt the spark between you the very first time you met. you could swear the sound of his laugh would always be your favorite song and something as simple as the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled made the butterflies in your stomach flutter all around every damn time.

“come on, tell me again!” your voice was high-pitched, it always was when you were with your boyfriend.

you heard lando let out a chuckle at your insistence, his body spread on the couch as you rested your head on his lap. his hand found yours, fingers entwining under the blanket that covered your body and you gave him a little squeeze, encouraging to tell you once more what you were asking.

“alright, alright,” he facetiously rolled his eyes, earning a giggle from your lips. “i thought you were the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen.”

you had heard his first impression on you about a thousand times before, but it always brought a smile to your face, being reminded of how enamored he was with you since the very first night.

“fuck, i could barely sleep that night because you wouldn’t leave my mind,” and you had felt the exact same thing.

you two had just clicked instantly, your friends surprised at the chemistry of the both of you.

despite of how crowded the club was that evening you met, it had felt like no one was around you. endless conversation and laughs that seemed to never cease lured you away from the presence of everyone else, and when his lips finally met yours hours later you felt your heart exploding. your bodies moulded together as if you were made to each other, smiles and soft giggles breaking the kiss every few seconds.

and wrapped in his arms you felt like you were sixteen again; and admittedly, no one had ever loved you quite like him before.

୨୧

for the almost eight months that you had been together, you and lando had always loved to invite your mutual friends over during the weekend. at the end of the day, they were the reason you two had met in the first place, and there weren’t enough words in the english language to just show how grateful you were.

every few saturdays all of you would reunite in your —his —living room, a few bottles of alcohol and snacks set on the tea table as you played some stupid drinking game. after that, you would just play the first movie that one of you could think of, lights off as everyone settled either on the couch or, most likely, on the floor, a little too tipsy to even bother getting comfortable.

that night it was american pie playing on the big screen as you cuddled into your boyfriend’s embrace under the soft blanket; it was chilly, the cool summer freeze making you need to cover the bare skin of your legs.

you softly sighed as your leaned your back to his chest as his arms circled around you; and then one of his hands was creeping under the blanket, fingers gently brushing the skin of your thighs.

you smiled at the comfort of his warmth, eyes fixed on the screen mindlessly.

but lando had had a little too much to drink that night, so his fingers slowly moved up, up, up, until they found the seam of your shorts. and the innocence of his previous touch was immediately thrown away the second you looked up to his face, eyes furrowed in confusion, just to meet his smirk.

“what are you doing?” you whisper-shouted, your thighs closing together as he tried to get closer to where he knew you wanted him.

and he shushed. that sly grin of his not leaving his lips.

you bit your lower lip and complied, legs slowly giving him access to your core as your eyes went back to the movie. with slow, teasing movements, he managed to push your shorts and your panties to the side, fingers finding the nub of your clit with ease. this was the most patient you had ever seen him, the tip of his digits slowly rubbing circles on you as he pretended to watch that stupid movie, not even looking at you.

your breath got heavier and unsteady as he touched you at a tauntingly pace, inaudible to everyone else thanks to the loud volume of the tv.

but when he slid his fingers down your folds, coating them in your slick before slowly pushing two of them into your hole, you couldn’t help a gasp from escaping your lips.

you felt your face heating up when the sound earned a look from some of your friends, and you tried your best to cover it with a chuckle. that scene better had been funny, you thought.

lando, however, seemed to find your situation hilarious. you looked up at his smile as he kept fucking his fingers into you slowly, and you could tell he was trying his best not to laugh.

as the seconds passed, stifling your sighs was getting harder and harder, your walls already clenching around your boyfriend’s digits. your fingers wrapped around his wrist, warning him that you were close, and that’s when he stopped.

the withdrawal of his fingers almost made you whine, and you shot a glance at him, this time, a disappointed one. he seemed to like how you responded, because his smile widened and he lowered his head to press a gentle kiss to your temple.

“later, baby. i want to hear those pretty sounds you make when you come,” he whispered into your ear before leaning back on the couch again, shamelessly cleaning his fingers on your thigh and leaving you craving his touch even more.

[imalwaysinconfusion]

Music Artists the Miracles✨ listens to:

-Kagami

Kendrick Lamar (HEAVY ON HIM)

J.I.D.

some underground soundcloud shit like he would say “yeah was there when so and so been posting on soundcloud” type stuff

LATTO

NICKI MINAJ

MEGAN THEE STALION (that’s his wife, has to fight aomine all the time over her)

yk he gotta keep up with his black american girlies 😫

he loves paramore… MISERY BUSINESS?!… shut him up

-Kuroko

lana del ray… don’t ask me why, i’ve never listened to her fr, but i see it for him

some pleasant smooth indie bands

Lake street drive, their song hypotheticals to be exact (very good song btw

anything easy listening honestly

80’s city pop

-Kise

def a kpop girlie

girl group stan

a blink and a ive girlie

takao HATES that he’s a blink they don’t talk about it

loves wony VERY MUCH, does not play about her

but he also ADORESS KEP1LER

started listening to del ray recently, (tetsu put him on) likes her a lot

loves ice spice and pinkpantheress, together and separately

listen to a bit of t-swift, just a tiny bit

-Murasakibara

A LOT of underground indie bands

anything with a lot of percussions

atsushi is a drummer so yk he needs to hear a lot of dem drums

alt rock, or just alternative in general

PARAMORE… he loves them found them before kagami mentioned them to him

FALL OUT BOY HEAVY ON THEM

loves skillet to went to see them in concert started crying

love the type of rap that’s like out of pocket but like who tf cares cause it goes hard

CHOCHISE… LOVES THAT MAN

mura love to dance so yk

-Midorima

a swiftie but will never admit it, kise and takao found out… GIRLLLLL

but all in all doesn’t really listen to a lot of music unless takao make him

so with that being said, he has been listening to kpop, female rappers, rap in general

he LOVES meg, he just loves how she tells her life through rap

and he just mesmerized by how it moves like water😩

oh and he loves shakira for some reason, the guys don’t know why, but kagami understands and won’t explain to the rest

loves the lo-fi girl instrumental study music, its soothing to him

-Aomine

yk he loves sexyy red 😭

“IM LOOKING FOR THE HOOOESS”

he just loves she don’t gaf

MONALEO LOVES THAT WOMAN DOWN

FLO MILLI

MEG, yk he tussles wit kagami

Cobra rock ver. ON REPEAT

HEAVY ON MR. JERMAINE COLE, cause yk he always talks about how he biracial, and aomine can relate with that

loves cardi so much, bongos 🤭

YK HE HAS TO LISTEN TO KPOP BOYS

yk he got all the bts boys solo shit on REPEAT

ATEEZ🗣️

(aomine my twin so yk🫶🏾)

-Akashi

ik it’s cannon for him to listen to classical but i don’t think he be actually LIKING THAT SHIT MAN

like i do think it’s brings him peace from a hard day and helps him to study but like to listen just to listen???

N O

HE LOVES HEAVY METAL

SLIPKNOT😫😫😫😫

Mibuchi got him on it

rock, alternative, 80s CITY POP

anything that reminds him of his mom

also anything that tries to reach his inner child since he never got the chance to be one

and kise and mura help him with that

AND HAYAMA

the veggietales and backyardagains soundtracks speaks to him he found out

also his dad also gave some of old music like bobby brown???? like okay mr masaomi

like ig you cool but you still suck as a daddy a person

so yk he LOVES WHITNEY HUSTON NOWADAYS

overall he needs to heal and is moving towards it

:)

[thepinklink]

I wrote this is a continuation of @skyloftian-nutcase’s fic Numb. It isn’t everything that I wanted it to be at all, but it’s still okay and even I don’t like it, there’s someone out there who will so I still want to post it. See the reblogs for all the reasons I think this could be improved. I recommend having read Numb first (*sweats in I only sort of read Numb before I wrote this*), but if you don’t feel like doing that, pretend Sky held in all his hurt until it burst out one day and now Legend, who understands, is telling him that he’s got his back, okay? Good. Thank you. And without further ado, I present to you,

Pins and Needles.

"Where's Legend?"

The question prompts Sky to look up from his carving, and he remarks internally that he hadn’t realized the hero was missing.

"I saw him head towards the cliffside," Wind says, "He said something about wanting to see the lake.”

Sky frowns at this. Realistically, nothing is wrong with it, and he hasn’t seen any concerning behavior from the Veteran lately, but it still stirs worry in his chest.

"I'll go check on him, " He offers, putting away his carving as he stands.

“Alright. But drag him back here when you find him; it’s almost suppertime!” Wild calls after him, and he assures the cook that he will before picking up a jog towards the cliffs. The cliffs overlook a valley, cupped by mountains, carved out and filled with water by some long forgotten glacier. The lake is massive and majestic, so Sky doesn’t wonder why Legend chose there to find isolation.

He sees the Veteran sitting on the edge, ocarina to his lips, and the tune he plays makes Sky's heart ache. Not wanting to startle him nor disrupt his tune, Sky stops a few yards back from the Veteran, listening do him play. Several minutes pass before the song ends (or maybe it is before Legend stops repeating the song), and the last notes echo through the valley. When they’ve faded, silence settles over the landscape, heavy and suffocating. Sky is surprised when he is not the one to break it.

“Hard not to dwell on it." Legend's voice is hollow, lacking inflection and he looks over his shoulder at Sky with bloodshot eyes. Sky feels squirmy inside when he sees tears slip down the Veteran's cheeks, unchecked. He sighs and steels himself, nodding as he makes his way forward and sits down next to the Veteran.

“Yeah.”

Legend laughs bitterly, and looks up at the evening sky.

"Goddesses, I was so stupid." He runs a hand through his hair and sniffles. He wipes his eyes, although new tears replace the ones he wipes away almost immediately.

"You want to talk about it? " Sky asks gently. He's never seen the Veteran cry; his eyes welled up in the uncertain moments while Twilight was ill, but he never really outright cried. And, as Legend seemed to be the most emotionally stable of the Links (considering everything he'd been through), Sky figured it wasn't a good sign if he was crying. Legend gave another watery laugh.

"No, " he says, “I’ve already cried, that's enough emotional processing for right now. I'll just...I'll just hold the rest in until I can’t anymore, as usual.”

Sky frowns. That sounds—

"Sounds really unhealthy, and I shouldn't do that because we’re not meant to hold things in like that. It will hurt hurt me, and the people around me.”

And suddenly there's no trace of pain or sorrow in Legend’s face. The Veteran glares at Sky, ice blue eyes piercing into the Skyloftian’s soul.

"That's what you were about to say. " Legend's tone is strong, almost scolding. Sky blinks dumbly, and Legend continues.

"Well, you're right. It is unhealthy, in more ways than one, it will hurt you more than any weapon ever could—and sometimes, the damage is irreversible."

The words almost sting, but Sky isn’t entirely sure if it’s because Legend is being harsh.

“Sky.” His tone changes, and Sky is reminded of Sun when she tells him she loves him after she’s been angry about something. Gentle, apologetic, but sincere, said straight from the heart. “I'm here for you.”

That's the part that surprises Sky. He expected to hear "you need to tell someone" or “I’m your friend, why didn't you talk to me?"

"I don't expect you to tell me anything. " Legend continues, “But I'm here, I always am. If you ever need to look over your shoulder just to see if someone is there, I'll be there. If you need someone to make sure you don’t end up dead in a ditch somewhere after you've tried to drink the pain away, I’ll be there. I’ll also be there in the morning to help you when you realize it didn’t actually work, it just gave you a migraine. Hell, I'm here if you just need someone to yell at to go away." Legend meets Sky’s eyes again.

"I cant fix you, I won’t try. But I'll help however you want me to. I'm here.”

Legend holds his gaze for another minute before he raises the ocarina to his lips once again, and another tune fills the valley, this one more hopeful and soothing than the last. Sky remains silent through the entirety of the song. When he finishes playing, Legend stands up.

“Well, we ought to head back. Cook’ll kill us if we're too late to supper." He offers a hand to help Sky up, which the latter takes. Once he's on his feet, Legend surprises him for the second time in twenty minutes by pulling him into a hug. It’s strong and warm, made even more so by the fact that Legend is not a very cuddly person.

Legend surprises a third time by letting Sky determine the length of the hug, which Sky makes maybe a little longer then was needed, just because he could.

Dinner is a lot more cheerful that that evening, the first in a long time where Sky notices now warm and bright the fire is and how delicious Wild's food is. He sees anew how funny his friends all are, how close and caring they all are. The numbness doesn’t go away. But it is a moment where Sky feels hopeful that one day, it will.

[epelletea]

Your TWST S/O reacts to you singing a familiar tune !! Part 4

I’ve decided that I am going to attempt to try and do every TWST character including only a few of the teachers but there is only so much Disney songs out there for me to use from each story ;; But I’ll try my best !! This one was tricky to write, I might have to start repeating songs.

For convince I’ll start putting what songs I used in the beginning so you can listen to them while you read :)

Context: You sing a song from their story! Ex: Under the Sea , Part of Your World

Includes: Silver Jamil Viper Jack Howl

Songs: Poor Aurora/Sleeping Beauty | One Jump Ahead | Can’t Wait to Be King

part one. part two. part three.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°

Silver

How did you get have such a pretty boy as a lovely boyfriend?

Everyday there is not a moment when your own boyfriend doesn’t remind you of Princess Aurora herself.

The way he’s so friendly with the animals and how much they loved him. It was hard to not fall in love with him on sight.

There he was sleeping underneath a tree while the small woodland creatures hanged around him keeping him company.

You have been looking for Silver all day. You knew he was most definitely fallen asleep somewhere but the sight you were seeing in front of you. It was the most beautiful sight you ever seen in your life.

The way the shade just barely covered the sun but it still trickled through leaving small sun spots on him. Almost perfectly.

His collarbone was just barely exposed due to his shirt being slightly unbuttoned.

The way his chest slowly rose up and down as he slept.

You couldn’t help but stare at him in such awe. He looked so ethereal. Was he even real?

Slowly walking up to him making sure not wake him up or scare off the small animals. You kneel beside him on the ground softly petting his hair.

At this point, do you even want to wake him up? You felt like if you did it would’ve been disrespectful.

He was literally a sleeping beauty in this moment. So beautiful even while sleeping.

You begin humming a small tune. You didn’t quite remember the lyrics but if you remember correctly their was a song sung when Aurora had fallen asleep.

Humming to yourself while still petting your boyfriend’s head. You felt like you were falling in love with him all over again.

In secret Silver was already awake. When you started playing with his hair, he had woken up but he already had a feeling that it was you beside him. So he decided to lay there for a little a while.

He felt like he was going to fall right back to asleep already. Especially when you started humming. Such a pretty tune. He felt like he heard this tune before perhaps Lilia had sung it when he was a baby.

His chest started to feel all warm and fuzzy. A soft smile appearing on his face.

Watching the smile form on his face. You had a sneaky suspicion that he was awake this entire time. Just pretending.

If Silver wants to play pretend then you also will play pretend with him.

Ending your song. You say to yourself aloud “Now I shall wake up Sleeping Beauty with a kiss”

Then reaching down to his face softly kissing him on the lips.

Playing along, Silver opens his eyes rising up with a big stretch and a yawn.

True love kiss! Always wins.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°

Jamil Viper

And Jamil thought Kalim was worst to deal with? Oh how has his mind changed when he met you.

You are quite the playful and rambunctious lover.

Always making his life even more exciting despite always having to take care of Kalim’s acts.

Now he has to deal with you as well. Not that he doesn’t mind but you always seemed to be poking your nose in some kind of trouble.

You are so lucky that he loves you with his entire heart.

Now here he is. Chasing after you because you have something that you shouldn’t even have that could potentially hurt you.

Yelling after you for you to drop it. You were having the time of your life with this cat and mouse chase.

This situation felt familiar to you. If you recall Aladdin was getting chased by guards and if you think hard enough Jamil is technically the guard in this situation.

Due to the similar situations, you broke out in song singing “One Jump Ahead” while you were avoiding Jamil’s attempts to catch you.

Jumping over and hurdling obstacles, you honestly really felt like you were Aladdin in this moment.

Even Jamil could admit that he was also having fun in this chase. It was frustrating but fun.

This song he felt as if he heard it before…

Turning the corner, he stops in confusion realizing that you were no longer there. That’s strange where did you go? You couldn’t have gone way to far.

Almost as if you were like a cartoon in a movie. You appear next to him hanging upside down.

“Still I think he’s rather tasty!~”

You sing out kissing him on the cheek and hopping off whatever you were hanging on continuing the chase.

Oh my. That small interaction was enough to turn his face redder than ruby. The comment? The kiss? Oh.

But the chase must continue!

Coming to the conclusion of the song was also the conclusion to this chase.

Guess you could say Jamil was one jump ahead of you?

No, because he literally jumped in front of you perfectly from a chair trapping you in his arms. Restricting you from moving any further.

Alright that’s enough exciting things for today because the two of you are completely out of breath after the entire scenario.

Taking the item away from you and placing it somewhere where you can’t get it. Jamil is way too tired to even question the song you were singing the entire chase for now it’s cuddle and nap time.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°

Jack Howl

You were his little red riding hood to his big bad wolf.

But despite his tough and big exterior. He was your cute little puppy that could do no wrong in your eyes.

But you are quite the lover. He might be the big tough wolf but you swear you could be big and tough like him and easily scare off people.

Jack knew this very well which is why he has to put you in your place every-time reminding you that you are only a simple human. You can not take on 3 beastmen at once in a fight.

He does find it cute though. Concerning.. but cute.

Especially how everytime you try to convince him how big and tough you are. He will humor you every-time but when you finish with your side of the argument he will simply end it off with him cuddling you to death.

Here you go again… trying to convince him how if you were to rule a kingdom you were be fierce and make everyone fear your power or whatever.

Little concerning but he’ll let you rant your head off.

But every unrealistic thing you said Jack made sly side mark about it.

Pouting at how your boyfriend doesn’t believe that you could be a great king/queen/ruler. It started to remind you how Simba sung to Sazu about being a great king.

Thought it be funny to start singing the song. Slowly drumming the beat on the table busting out in song. Perhaps a performance could convince your boyfriend to agree that you are big and tough too.

He was quite surprised for sudden singing act you decided to put on for him. But alas , you were still not winning this argument because this man has heard this song before. It’s another popular song just like with Hakuna Matata.

So now he is humoring you even more but in song with you. Stealing all of Sazu’s part in the song.

The little performance turned into the both of you singing and dancing together. Overall having a good time with each other and enjoying each other’s presence.

When it came to the end of the song, Jack tackles you into cuddle and nuzzles himself into you.

You are just too cute for own good!

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[writersun]

AFTER HOURS // Stray kids song series

AHTW masterlist

. . . . . ╰──╮listen while you read !

general warning: 18+ [smut warning on each fic]

heavy angst, toxic relationships

Idol!skz x individual reader (or well.... we'll see)

might be released in a different order. dont know how long these will be, probably around 0.8 - 2k words

˗ˏˋ TRACKLIST ´ˎ˗

Blinding lights 彡 Bang chan ୨⎯ "WIP" ⎯୧

ೃ⁀➷ chan is convinced you’re the one to teach him how to love. you don't know whether what he wants is actual love or a way to cope. it also doesn’t help that he’s always being pulled away by his busy schedule.

“i’ve been on my own for long enough

maybe you can show me how to love, maybe”

Repeat after me 彡 Minho ୨⎯ "WIP" ⎯୧

: ̗̀➛ After you and minho break up, you start fucking one of his group members.

“it's natural to find someone to treat you right

but it ain’t right if you fuck him out of spit”

Escape from LA 彡 Changbin ୨⎯ "WIP" ⎯୧

ೃ⁀➷ changbin promises you, that he’s serious about a relationship. wanting to give you everything you want.

“gave you everything you wanted, oh-oh

but none of the matters to you, oh-oh”

After hours 彡 Hyunjin ୨⎯ "WIP" ⎯୧

: ̗̀➛ hyunjin is determined to get you, his ex back in his life, but the only time you meet is at night.

“put myself to sleep

just so i can get closer to you inside my dreams”

Alone again 彡 Han jisung ୨⎯ "WIP" ⎯୧

ೃ⁀��� jisung can’t remember who he was before his fame. you seem to only remember him as the boy he was before. yet you still crave each other, crave the comfort there once was in your relationship.

“baby wont you remind me what i am?

and break, break my little cold heart

Save your tears 彡 Felix ୨⎯ "WIP" ⎯୧

: ̗̀➛ a year after your breakup, you and felix meet once again at the club where you first met each other.

“yeah, i broke your heart like someone did to mine

and now you wont love me for a second time”

In your eyes 彡 Seungmin ୨⎯ "WIP" ⎯୧

ೃ⁀➷ when seungmin confessed to have cheated on you, your relationship was never the same. the consequence is dire

“in your eyes

i see there’s something burning inside you” 

Heartless 彡 I.N ୨⎯ "WIP" ⎯୧

: ̗̀➛ you get a rude awakening on what you thought was a relationship between you and jeongin.

“tryna be a better man, but im heartless

never be a weddin’ plan for the heartless”

write if you want to be on the taglist!

[nev3rfound]

drunk text me : s.g

loosely inspired by the song ‘drunk text me’ by lexi jayde. but this one has a happier ending for the end of 2022. 

masterlist / permanent taglist / etsy shop

feel free to send requests in as I am still lovesick over mk and oscar Isaac in general.

also wanna say thank you for all the support this year, it’s been a wild one for sure! 

Swirling the near empty glass in hand, your name being called is a faint mumble as you remain lost in thought.

A gentle nudge finally brings you back to the cocktail bar that you were dragged along to for celebrations. “Y/n, you still there, babes?” Your friend chuckles, giving your other friend a knowing look as you sigh heavily into the glass.

“Yeah,” You glumly answer, barely lifting your head up to see two deep-set frowns aimed your way. “come on, leave me alone.” Lifting the glass up, you swallow the last of the drink now heavily diluted from the melted ice.

Quick to signal the waitress, your friend orders another round of drinks, something you can’t help but feel is not the wisest idea.

“We didn’t say anything!” Your other friend holds her hands up in protest with a tipsy smile crossing her face. “You’re the one looking like you’re at a funeral, it’s fucking New Year’s Eve!” She reminds you, motioning vastly to those around you and the banners littering the walls.

Rubbing your hand across your face it already feels heavy from the four rounds gone since you arrived. Behind you there’s a couple, talking about how much they love one another and the mere thought is making your drink want to reappear in your glass.

“It’s just not fair, you know?” It sounds whiny, and you know all too well this is not what they brought you out for or to hear all night. “Who sends a text saying ‘I’ve got to leave the country’ and never texts again, like, what?” You babble, reaching for the brightly coloured drink with the umbrella sticking out that the waitress places down.  

“I know hun, it’s not right and he was a dick for that.” Your friend pats your shoulder. “So even after all this time, not a word?”

Shaking your head in response, your body sways from the movement. “You deserve better.” She raises her glass, motioning for you to join.

The three of you hold your glasses up. “To better dick in 2023.” You cheer along half heartedly, trying not to think about the man who brought you nothing but joy for six months of the year.

***

Sitting in the darkness of the flat, Steven listens to the growing sound of celebrations outside whilst his thoughts cloud his mind.

“Hey, it’s almost New Year, buddy.” Marc chimes in from Gus’ fish tank with a half smile. “Onwards and upwards, you know?”

Steven scoffs, turning away from the fish tank, and walks over to his book covered desk. “I just should’ve told her sooner.” He admits with a sigh. “She deserved so much better than that and I can’t even show my face.”

Marc huffs internally, tired of watching this back and forth Steven keeps having with himself. “I’m all for it, man, I told you so when we got back from Cairo.” Marc reminds him. “Big birds gone, you can do what or who you want!”

“It’s not that simple though, Marc!” Steven quietly lashes out, wanting to add so much more but he can hear his phone vibrating from his desk.

Rushing over, he pushes his books aside without a care until the light pokes through the pages. Your name and a daft photo of you illuminate his screen as he shakily lifts it up.

“H-hello?” He can barely hear as he calls out your name, the raucous of screams and shouts following you through the line.

“Can you hear me?” You practically yell, and Steven can feel his anxiety peaking; you’re just drunk. “Steven?” You repeat his name once more, stepping outside of the venue, and quickly glancing back to make sure your friends haven’t followed you. “Are, are you there?”

Now outside, you can feel the bitter chill of London. Wrapping one arm around yourself, you lean against the wall for support now feeling the cocktails going straight to your head.

“I’m here.” Steven responds. “Why, erm, how come you called?” He knows it’s a stupid question, you probably didn’t mean to call, why would you?

You interrupt Steven from his downward spiral. “I miss you, I, I know it’s stupid 'cause you’re the one who fucking ghosted me, like who does that anyway? But you did it anyway and I miss you being around. I miss a lotta things but you’re one of them.” It all comes pouring out, you’re unsure if it even makes sense but Steven, he can hear you perfectly.

“I am such a dick, I know.” Steven buries his face into his free hand, groaning loudly. “And I am sorry, Y/n. I truly am. I get it if you never wanna see me again, I’ll keep outta your way and-”

“Hold on.” You stop him from proceeding, holding your hand out in front of you like he was there in person. “You, you’re back?” You ask, now blankly staring at the street full of people.

‘Well done, Steven.’ Marc chuckles dryly.

Huh, yeah I, I got back two days ago?” His voice rises an octave as he clutches the phone tightly in his hand. “Y/n?” Pulling the phone away, he’s still on the call with you. “You, you there?” He asks again, more stressed this time.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Steven Grant, you’re back?!” You almost scream down the line, followed by a laugh.

Smiling wearily, Steven nods to himself. “I, yeah.” He answers. “But like I said, I’ll stay well out of you’re way I don’t wanna make things awkward for you with work or,”

“No, no, Steven, stop, please.” Once more you can’t help but cut him off. Maybe it’s the alcohol giving you the push you’ve been needing or you don’t want to spend another minute without him in your life. “I want to see you, I want you to be the one I call when I’m drunk like this or when I’ve had a lousy day at work. I just, I want you to be there, and I want to be there for you too.”

The lines goes quiet now, but from Steven.

“If that was too much, maybe forget I said it?” You quietly request, mentally recalling what you just said.

“Where are you?” He asks, not missing a beat.

Looking up, you repeat the name of the bar. “Why?” Your smile begins to rise again as you listen to the sound of rustling and movements through the phone.

“Just stay there for me, yeah? Don’t go wandering off like you do when you’ve had those cocktails.” Steven remembers, and your heart starts to warm as you hear his front door slam shut, followed by him apologising to it.

“Okay.” It leaves your lips in a whisper as he says goodbye.

The door to the bar opens in a hurry, and a long sigh of relief is heard. “There you are, christ, had us worried!” Your friends walk out, one of them struggling in her heels. “It’s almost midnight, you can’t miss this.” She tugs on your arm, but you remain glued to the spot.

“I just needed some air.” You shrug. “I’ll be back in time, don’t you worry. Go on in, I’ll be there soon.”

Unconvinced, she walks back in, but your other friend hovers a moment longer.

“You called him, didn’t you.” She raises a brow, knowing how to read you all too well. When you nod, she simply chuckles and brings you into a tight hug. “Just let him know, if he dares ghost you again, we’ll make him an actual ghost, okay?”

Chuckling, you thank her before returning to the waiting game of staring at your phone, watching the minutes count down as it nears midnight.

“Scuse me, sorry!” Your ears perk up to that voice as it becomes louder and clearer.

Practically running the corner, Steven has yet to spot you as he tugs on his creased shirt and brushes his curls out from his face.

Whilst he remains oblivious to you, you can’t help but note how he’s still Steven, even after vanishing three months ago.

You watch Steven looking around aimlessly until you shyly raise your hand like it’s the first date and he can’t pick you out. But once his eyes find yours, he knows he’ll never have an issue finding you again.

“Y/n?” Steven happily sighs as he quickly approaches you, mentally debating if to go for a hug or a handshake or-

Not giving him a chance to decide, you wrap your arms around his neck tightly. “Hi, Steven.” You mumble into him, slowly feeling his hands wrap around your back, squeezing you tightly in response. “Thanks for coming back.”

Slowly easing his hold on you, his toothy grin expands. “I’m sorry I let you go, I,”

Steven is interrupted as cheers from inside intensify. “Almost midnight.” You remind him. “You were saying?”

“Right,” Steven nods. “there’s so much I need to explain to you, and if you’ll let me that is, but I don’t want to lose you, not for good.”

“You, you want me back?” It sounds so uncertain from your tongue, but Steven lifts his hand up to cradle your cheek.

“I never wanted to let you go in the first place, and for that, I’ll forever be making it up to you.” He explains, just as everyone inside begins to count down. “And I don’t want to go into this New Year without you, as cheesy as that makes me sound.” He laughs, hearing Marc cringe at that comment.

Resting your hand over his, you smile into his embrace. “Good job I like you, Steven Grant.” You lean closer as the countdown hits 0, kissing him through the cheers and fireworks all around, knowing you’d be starting the new year fresh with Steven by your side.

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[helenofjupiter]

assigning taylor swift songs to bridgerton couples (part 1)

with explanations that no one asked for (proceed with caution)

part 2 for e, f, g and h

so i’ve been going kinda crazy about bridgerton the past few weeks, i read (and reread) all eight books and at some point while reading i couldn't stop trying to find taylor songs in my mind which would fit each couple. so i chose two songs for every pair, some of these have actual thought behind them, others are mostly based on vibes. i hope you enjoy this unhinged tangent <3

anthony & kate - i was actually reading gregory’s book when this completely genius thought hit me - treacherous IS the kanthony song. i mean it starts with “put your lips close to mine as long as they don’t touch”. insert a picture of any one of the hundred times they almost kissed in the show. even the build up of the song reminds me so much of the slow burn we had in the series. also lyrics like “i hear the sound of my own voice asking you to stay” (anthony being “what?? no!!! you can’t go back to india. wtf do you mean you’re not staying once edwina marries???”),  “and all we are is skin and bone trained to get along forever going with the flow but you're friction” through the lens of kanthony i see this line as them just constantly aggravating each other.

the second song for them is dancing with our hands tied. i hadn’t thought about this song in a criminally long time. oh boy. (i also just now realised how long this post is gonna be) “i, i loved you in secret, first sight, yeah we love without reason” i’m sorry but these dumb bitches were in love since that first fateful early morning horse ride you can’t convince me otherwise. “people started talking, putting us through our paces // but we were dancing, dancing with our hands tied, hands tied” this screams when they got caught and were forced to marry in the book. their hands were tied - they had no other choice but to marry but they were dancing because they actually did love each other (awww). other than that there are two lines that sort of go hand in hand - “i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us” and “i'm a mess, but i'm the mess that you wanted” in my head this is from anthony’s perspective. him dealing with his fear of morality and losing kate and while kate does have the eldest daughter syndrome, anthony is the bigger mess of a person in the relationship.

benedict & sophie - enchanted is a no brainer, it needs no explanation. now for their second song i picked the lakes. this resides in the vibes category. listening to this i can’t help but imagine benophie living an artsy quiet life in my cottage. i’m actually interested to see how their living situation will play out in the show because i feel in the books benedict wasn’t as involved in the ton. i guess it’s just a bit hard for me to envision show!ben being so chill about moving to some place in the middle of nowhere. 

colin & penelope - of course, dress. i listened to this on repeat while reading the whole book in one sitting. honestly a marvellous experience, can’t recommend enough . for the second song i had to go looking, had to travel far like colin one might say. and once i arrived in the long forgotten country of taylor’s debut album i found a piece of music so clearly polin coded that it’s baffling this fandom isn’t talking about it. the song in question is  i’m only me when i’m with you. it feels silly to explain this one because being from taylor’s early career the lyrics aren’t terribly clever so let’s focus on the chorus. “i'm only up when you're not down, don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground” some people want colin to be just ken in the show but i actually really liked how they both have a career in writing at the end of the book (penelope better had published the book she started writing). “the other half i'm only trying to let you know that what i feel is true and i'm only me when i'm with you” you can’t tell me this isn’t colin telling penelope she is beautiful over and over again and how much he loves him because he was a fool not to realise it sooner. while in the book penelope feeling like she is truly confident and herself around colin, i think in the show this line works from colin’s side just as well. 

daphne & simon - while most of the fandom has crowned wildest dreams as the saphne anthem (taylor’s version), i just couldn’t get behind it. yes, they used the song in their season but in my mind it just does not embody their relationship. firstly, the great war, i mean the first line “my knuckles were bruised like violets”. simon… boxing… you see the connection, right? okay, i promise it gets (even) better. “and maybe it's the past that's talking, screaming from the crypt. telling me to punish you for things you never did” in case of simon, he was hanging on to his hate towards his father and refusing to have kids with daphne, punishing her while it wasn’t her fault what had happened to him as a child. “somewhere in the haze, got a sense i’d been betrayed” i hate this part of their stroy (i do not condone daphne’s actions) yet i can so clearly picture simon still partly on his high of pleasure but starting to realise what daphne had done to him. i think i like this as their song because well they both were all kinds of wrong in this situation and at the end of the song it’s acknowledged “there's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair” and still it has a happy ending just like saphne. their second song was hard to find and i’m not a hundred percent sure about it but a present to you so it goes…  “all eyes on us, you make everyone disappear” - season 1, episode 1 “stare into my eyes”. i felt i needed to give them a sexy song and i do feel like it matches their sexual tension but this one is definitely up for debate.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

friend i listened to “spring thief” by yorushika and it’s been on repeat for the past hour… please give other song recs by yorushika that you like 🫡 ALSO YOUR FIC WAS SO PRECIOUS AND THE SONG WORKED SO BEAUTIFULLY WITH YOUR WRITING/REALLY ENHANCED THE VIBE OMFG oh 2 live in an apartment w sashisu and get breakfast made daily by suguru <3 - @dollsuguru

KAIROOO MY ANGEL i still haven’t read ur rb of the fic (saving it as a treat for later today :3 hehe) BUT TYSM FOR READING AND FOR UR KIND WORDS ILYSM 🥺🥺🥺 with that being said ……..

WAHHHHH I’M SOOO OVERJOYED THAT U LISTENED TO THE SONG???? ISN’T IT AMAZING????? yorushika makes me fully insane they’re my favorite band Ever hhhhh i’m so glad u thought it added to the fic 😭😭 their songs are all super nostalgic and bittersweet and summery so they’re just . perfect for sashisu & stsg.. u asked for more recs so ofc i will deliver >:3

i genuinely don’t think there’s a single yorushika song that doesn’t hit so i have like 25873 favorites BUT here are some standouts….. some have mvs and others don’t but yorushika’s lyrics are genuinely so so beautiful and incredible so i’ll make sure the links take u somewhere u can read them <3

blooming in that summer

my absolute favorite <333 like, absolute favorite. it changed my life. i want to live in it. the lyrics are insane the instrumental is out of this world and the final chorus always always gets to me. i’ve cried listening to it bc it’s just so so good AND it’s also the most stsg song ever so i cry when i listen to it and think of them (someone made an animatic of stsg with this song that quite literally lives in my brain rent free u can find it here) <33

hachigatsu, bou, tsukiakari

another of my absolute absolute faves!! lyrics are so good i cried, instrumental is so good i cried, and the final chorus . makes me cry. notice how i’m already repeating myself bc literally all of these songs are incredible in every possible way aaa ALSO the singing 😵‍💫😵‍💫 esp at the end. there’s so much emotion in it and it makes me sick actually whewww

replicant

another absolute favorite :33 (i’m gonna be saying this for all of them i think but i mean it sincerely ok…) kairo this one makes me ill. it’s so gojo coded. it’s Him. the lyrics just remind me of him sm (they’re incredible btw the final line makes me batshit insane) AND THE INSTRUMENTAL??? might be my fave yorushika instrumental ngl don’t quote me on that tho 🙏🙏 just such a lovely summery song it smells like seasalt and tastes like clouds :3

kamisama no dance

AAAA ANOTHER ABSOLUTE FAVORITE kairo this one is getocoded. i knowwww you’ll understand. some of my favorite yorushika lyrics Ever and that’s saying a lot. it also has crazy lore bc it’s connected to this whole story being told in some of yorushika’s albums and :((( yeahhh. this one feels kairocoded to me but that might just be bc it’s so getocoded LMAO i have a feeling you’ll like it though!!

robber and bouquet

THIS ONE IS SOOO LOVELY the instrumental…. 😵‍💫😵‍💫 i love it sm. i’d say this one is kinda different from classic yorushika stuff but in a very good way!! also i’m legally obliged to inform u that this one is tojicoded as HELL i associate him w the lyrics so much…. also i adoreee the way suis sings in this one her voice is so gorgeous wowowow… the sense of fatigue…… so good

just a sunny day for you

A CLASSIC but for very good reasons . the mv is just gorgeous, the lyrics are stunning and the instrumental is sooo nostalgic and summery n bittersweet :((( just the best. sashisu coded also!!!

aaaand finally here’s their yt channel!! there are so many other songs i adore that i wanted to mention but i think these r enough for now 😭 oh but here’s also a yt channel that makes lyric videos for their songs in case u wanna find some more!! :3

[thequeenoftheisleofavalon]

OBJECTION (TANGO) (MATTY HEALY X READER)

Author’s Note: I haven’t written fanfiction in at least five years but I’ve been listening to Objection (Tango) by Shakira a lot lately and I’ve been dying to read some good angst based on that song. I couldn’t find it so here I go. I hope you enjoy it, loves. If you have requests, feel free to send them in.

Info: reader insert, use of Y/N, angst, hurt/comfort, presumed unrequited love, friends to lovers, jealousy, swearing, immature characters.

Word count: 3K

----

Y/N’s POV:

It's not her fault that she's so irresistible. Matty was sitting in the corner with Willa, her hand rested on his knee. He was hanging on to every word that fell from her lips. When he introduced her to our friend group, I never thought being around them would be so hard.

You see, Matty and I have always been friends. Friends, nothing else. We were neighbours as kids, and even roommates while the guys were recording their debut album. I developed the worst crush on his during Year 11, and it’s always been hopeless. I was dropping hints for a while but after never receiving a reaction, I gave up and resolved to repress my romantic feelings in order to save our friendship.

Matty met Willa a few weeks ago, and he was immediately smitten. Their relationship is flirty, he’s calling her baby every now and then, and once. they left the party together and she came to breakfast wearing the same clothes as the night before. A few weeks ago, our friendship changed as well. Every twenty seconds he repeats her name, I feel like we talk about nothing but her. ‘Willa got a promotion this week.’ (Thanks for asking, Matty, I did get the raise I wanted.) ‘Willa is seeing her folks this weekend; my plans are going down the drain now.’ (Yeah, just like mine when you promised a film night like the ones we used to have when we were living together but you went out with her instead and I had to find out through Instagram stories that you were, in fact, not coming.) ‘Willa and I are... Willa and I went to... Willa said... Willa thinks... Willa wants... Willa told me to...’ and so on, all the time.

He’s never asking about me anymore. He used to be so caring, helping me with grief, heartbreak, disappointment, anxiety and everything in-between and now he doesn't know anything about what’s been going on with me in the past few months. He memorises her every word but when it comes to me, he doesn't care. Not anymore. We used to stay up all night discussing politics, love, music and art but his vocabulary is reduced to one word now: Willa.

It's not her fault that she's so irresistible, I have to remind myself once again. Matty and I are not an item, we’ve never been one. She hasn’t done anything wrong, she’s just a girl my crush had fallen head over heels in love with.

‘Y/N,’ Ross startled me ‘are you okay? You seem out of it.’

‘What? Yeah, it’s just a headache... I was thinking of heading home actually.’

‘You sure?’ he did not look convinced but he didn’t push it.

Matty was my ride home but he was busy a few minutes ago, and now I couldn’t even find them in the corner anymore. It took me a second to notice the curly head on the dance floor. I wish there was a chance for him and me but there never was, so I just wish I could find a place to be away from here.

‘Pretty sure... Say bye to Matty and the boys for me, will you?’

The April night air was still cool, pinching my skin through my thin sweater. I shivered as the foul smell on the underground station hit me walking down the stairs.

...

The morning light streams through my window. I’ve been laying awake since 6 am, despite getting home at two in the morning. I have to put a stop to this. If I cannot handle my best friend getting into a relationship, I’m going to ruin both myself and our friendship.

When Matty called that afternoon to ask why I disappeared so early, I lied through my teeth, and gave the performance of my life pretending to be okay. He said he was worried, asked why I wouldn’t tell him I wanted to leave, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him I didn’t think he’d care. Lately, when it comes to me, he doesn't care.

...

It’s been two weeks since that party, and we are in the club again. I had an exhausting day at the office, we are in the finish line for publishing a novel that is supposed to be one of our best sellers this year, so all I wanted today was a bath and my bed but here I am because Matty asked me to come. But he has yet to say hi, or acknowledge my arrival in any way. I slip away to the bathroom, and when I’m done a familiar face is waiting for me by the basins.

‘I know what you’re up to,’ Willa says.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’ve seen you eyeing Matty.’

‘Oh. Listen, I --’

‘If he wanted you, he’d have made a move a long time ago. He didn’t, and it’s no surprise.’

‘We’re just friends,’ but I wish we weren’t.

‘And it stays that way,’ she’s gone as soon as she’s said that.

She’s right, in a way. This is pathetic, and sardonic! It’s sadistic and psychotic of me to hold onto Matty in a romantic light. Of course, we can never be anything more. He’s made that clear through his actions - inactions -, and I just can’t seem to listen. Even tonight, he hardly even looked my way, while talking to nearly everyone in the group. I don't wanna the be the exception to get a bit of his attention anymore.

...

I am done with Matty Healy. I am done with him, Willa, London, and everything that reminds me of them. Today was a big day for me. It was the publication day of the first novel I worked on as an editor. It debuted as number 7 on The Sunday Times Bestseller, the critiques loved it, and the even was wonderful. Better than expected, in fact. My boss pulled me aside to let me know there was an opening for a higher position in the publishing house’s NYC office, and she’d give me a recommendation if I applied.

At that moment, I brushed it off. But now, standing on the kerb, drenched, my shoes soaked through, my feet frozen, and my heart broken, it does seem appealing, much-needed even. Matty promised to pick me up from the party and take me out to celebrate, just like we celebrated his album releases but it’s been 45 minutes and he didn’t show up. It started raining heavily a while ago, although it seemed to be calming down. A car turned onto the street but my heart sunk when I noticed that it is indeed familiar but it’s not Matty’s. It stopped in front of me, and the window rolled down.

‘Sorry, Y/N,’ Ross said cautiously ‘Matty couldn’t make it. He asked me to come and drop you off at home.’

The ride home was silent. Ross concentrated on the road, and I was busy forwarding my CV and wording my cover letter regarding the NYC position. Apart from Matty, our friend group, and the few friends I made at work I haven’t had anyone else in England for a long time. My university friends all went on to pursue careers in other parts of the UK or abroad, my parents are gone and it’s been two years since my last proper relationship. If Matty and Willa got together, I would no longer have a space in their life, surely, I wouldn't be welcome after what happened at the last party. It would be better this way; I wished I could find a place to be away from here, and it appeared. I've got to get away.

...

I woke up to pounding on my door. It was 7 am, and I had a splitting headache. In the doorway stood Matty, for once the last person I wanted to see.

‘Sorry, love,’ he started ‘I was about to leave but Willa called me in a panic. She wouldn't say what it was but she seemed to have needed me. It turned out to be nothing, she thought she’d seen a rat but --’

‘I don’t care, Matty,’ I cut him off.

‘What?’ he seemed taken aback.

‘I don’t care. I’ve always there when you need me but lately you hardly acknowledge that I exist. I can’t do this anymore; I need some space. Please, leave,’ I felt my heart split into two.

‘But... love, I --’

I shut the door on him, and on the past. I’m done with Matty Healy, even if my heart isn’t yet.

...

I’m dancing my heart out. The music in the club is loud, I can feel it pulsing through my veins. I don’t care who I’m dancing with, or how we do it. It’s been three weeks since Matty had come to see me. We are at the club again, the majority of our group is on the dance floor but Matty, Willa and the band are sitting down. However, I have good reason to celebrate: I was offered the job in NYC! My hips move to their own accord, I can feel my partner’s hand rest on my waist, and he moves with me. I do not hold back. I haven’t felt so free in months. But I can feel eyes burning into me, so I look up to our table just to see Matty staring daggers at me. He’s tense, his hands are balled up in fists, and Willa is chattering beside him, yet he doesn’t seem to register it. He stands, and I decide that’s my cue to leave. I got dizzy dancing anyway.

---

MATTY’S POV:

It's not her fault that she's so irresistible. The light is falling on her just light, casting her a golden glow as she dances in perfect rhythm to the music. She’s dancing like nobody’s watching, like she used to in her room when she needed to relieve stress. My blood boils as the boy whispers something into her ear, then puts his hands on her hips. That should be me, I want that to be me, and she doesn’t.

I’ve been in love with Y/N since she was in Year 13, and she’s been blissfully unaware of it for just as long. I was never able to let go of her, the girl who’s been by my side through everything, and I never dared to risk initiating something she wasn’t on board with. Instead, I dated models, all of whom my mother asked if they wanted a family someday, and I never had the heart to tell her that if I can’t have that with Y/N, I don’t want it.

Willa, an attractive but uninteresting girl, kept talking, blood pounded in my temples as I watched Y/N rule the dance floor, and I stood up before I realised what I was doing. She saw me, and bolted for the door.

Things have been tense between us. Over the past six months, I found myself thinking about her more and more, I woke up covered in sweat after wet dreams of her, I kept finding dumber and dumber reasons to call her, hang out with her or text her. I was sure she’s been getting suspicious of me, and when Willa was introduced to me at a casting for our new music video, and she proved to be the perfect distraction. I over-emphasised her, every time I wanted to ask Y/N about a minor detail she dropped about her day several weeks earlier I talked about Willa instead. I didn’t give a fuck, and she knew but Y/N couldn’t.

I tried to hide my feelings for her though disguising them as if they were directed at somebody else, I might have still ruined the friendship I was trying to preserve. Y/N had a huge career moment, and I wanted to celebrate it as she celebrated mine with me: getting junk food take out, and binging pretentious movies, and talking until the sun came up. However, I fucked up. Willa called me because she thought someone had broken into her flat. When I got there everything seemed normal but she was upset, and we ended up in her bed as I tried to calm her down. I was a damn twat but I was already 35 minutes late and I couldn’t have her standing in the rain, waiting for me. I asked Ross, who lives near the venue, to pick her up. I went to her house but the lights were off and I didn't dare to ruin her night further by waking her up. I slept in my car, and when I knocked in the morning, she cursed me out.

‘I’m right here,’ Willa whined.

‘I know.’

‘Yet, you kept looking out to the dance floor. Now to the door, to be precise. Why are you so hung up on her?’

‘She’s the girl I’m in love with. I told you upfront.’

‘She doesn’t want you.’

‘And I don’t want you,’ she was pissing me off.

‘Wha--’

‘I think we should break up.’

...

Y/N is leaving for New York. I overheard George telling Adam that he can’t believe she would even consider relocating that far. I haven't seen her in days, not since she rushed out of the club but here I am, once again pounding on her door.

‘What?’ she’s stood in the door way in her favourite sun dress which makes my heart ache.

‘New York? You’re going to fuckin’ New York fuckin’ City without telling me?’

‘Yes, I am. I’d have told you.’ ‘When? You’d have called me from Central Park after two fuckin’ weeks?’

‘When it comes to me you don't seem to care if I'm alive or dead, so why’d you care if I’m in London of New York?’

‘What the fuck, Y/N? You’re the one who’s been off, and ignoring me for weeks now!’

‘Because I hate Willa, okay? She was rude to me, and every twenty seconds you repeat her name. I can’t put up with it anymore, you never ask about me but I must listen to everything your girlfriend does.’

‘We broke up,’ I said.

‘I don’t care. All the damage she's caused isn't fixable,’ it has to be. ‘But Y/N, let me--’

‘No! You left me in the rain on my big day for her, and it’s not just that, you gotta know small things also count. I got a raise, Matty, and you didn’t even know because you never asked. I got a raise, I got an offer to take a promotion in New York, I switched to a new brand of coffee, I’m allergic to the brand of shower gel I’ve been using, that’s why my skin’s been so irritated, I paid five quids for just butter at Sainsbury's, which is ridiculous, and you don’t know any of this, Matty, and I don’t know anything about you either because you’ve been shunning me,’ my heart ached for all the things, the big and the small, that I’ve missed. I was so stupid.

‘I’m so--’

‘I'm tired of this triangle, I love you but you don't even bother.’

‘You... love me?’ she can’t be serious.

‘I do, I have for a while. It doesn’t matter, I didn’t want you to know but I’m going away anyway, so there you have it, make fun of me.’

‘I’d never make fun of you, Y/N/N. I love you too.’

‘Don’t say that!’, she was yelling now, ‘You have no right to say that! You put me through hell these last few weeks, I thought I lost you as a friend, too, and now you pull this. It’s not funny.’

‘I’m serious. I have loved you since I was 18,’ I have to get her to believe me, if it’s the last thing I do.

‘You really have, haven’t you?’

She’s crying at this point, I pull her into my chest, and keep whispering ‘I love you’ into her hair until she calms down.

‘Why don’t you come inside? I can’t believe I'm falling apart in your hands again,’ she’s sniffling.

Once we’re in her living room, she’s looking at me sternly, staring from the couch.

‘I need to know... Did you really mean it?’ ‘Yes.’

‘Why? Why didn’t you tell me, and why would you do all this with Willa and I if you were in love with me all along?’ ‘Because I’m a dumb-ass. I wanted to forget you. I wanted to make you jealous. I don’t know. I just wanted to not feel like this anymore. I didn’t think you could love me; you never indicated it.’ ‘I did! When we were teenagers, I kept dropping hints, like when I kept referring to our hang-outs as dates to gauge your reactions, or when I complimented your hair literally every single morning for a year, but you never responded, and I had to accept that.’ ‘Y/N, I was a teen, I wouldn’t have noticed love if it slapped me in the face.’

‘So... will you kiss me already?’

...

Y/N’S POV:

Matty’s lips touched my lips softly. I reciprocated, tangling my fingers into his curls. His tongue entered my mouth, kissing me with conviction, and an expertise I didn’t possess yet.

‘What about New York?’ he asked, pulling away way too soon.

‘I haven’t given my official response yet.’ Actually, I got another offer in the UK I hadn’t considered before because of the Matty-situation but it’s the same position as the NY one with a much higher salary than I have now.

‘Don’t take it. Please. I know it’s selfish but I’m a selfish dickhead, asking you to stay here, with me. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to help you build the career you want; you like you helped me making mine but please, don’t let that be in New York.’

‘Matty, I’m not going anywhere.’

[that-bitch-kat3]

kats initial ttpd thoughts

fortnight:

stand out lines: i took the miracle move on drug, the effects were temporary

i like this one. i don’t think it’s my favorite (or i hope it won’t be) but i think the production does do it for me. i was honestly hoping that “i love you it’s ruining my life” would have been in a… better (?) song. this will undoubtedly grow on me but not a great start.

ttpd:

standout lyric: “i’ve seen this episode and still loved the show”

okay “who uses typewriters anyways” is objectively a really funny line. “i’ve seen this episode and still loved the show” im screaming crying and throwing up how dare you put that lyric in a song i have to listen to.

on a different note who tf are dylan thomas and patti smith? am i meant to know these people?

oh my god. the way charlie puth is about to have his career explode. this poor man. i hope he was warned.

CYCLONE!! CONEY ISLAND!!!

oh i like this bridge. also lucy as in lucy dacus?

i’m trying not to be a hater but taylor “now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon” couldn’t have come up with a more poetic way to say you put my ring on the finger where people put wedding rings? fr? is this about marty healy? i hope to god it’s not.

mbobhft:

stand out lyrics: “once i fix me he’s gonna miss me” and “there was forever in the heat of my touch, he say forever so he smashed it up”

i was ready to not like this one but im kinda into it. the line “i’ll tell you that he runs because he loves me” is… not something i am ready to unpack. this is a really good song and i will probs have it on repeat for a while but i stg if i don’t hear a song about joe soon im gonna be pissed

down bad:

standout lyric: jury’s still out

this song was not written by a 33 year old. jesus christ. taylor please. STAND UP. THIS IS BAD FOR THE BRAND!! however as a 19 year old: real af.

you loved his indecent exposures? interesting.

this is once again giving situationship. which is insane because JOE WAS HERE FOR 6 YEARS?!? WE DONT GET TO HEAR ABOUT THAT?!? i mean like she is entitled to her privacy but never in my life did i want to hear this much about marty healy

so long london:

stand out lyric: “i didn’t opt in to be your odd man out. i founded the club she’s heard great things about” “you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days”

not the production i was expecting from a track 5 but ill keep and open mind.

fairy lights mentioned!! ttpd bingo moment

i like this bridge tbh. it kinda fucks. “you swore that you loved me but where were the clues” taylor wtf?

two graves one gun?!? oh wow! very melodramatic and i love it

this song is good. very sad so great job! killed it! i’m not crying yet tho

but daddy i love him:

stand out lyrics: Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all

HEYY RELIGOUS TRAUMA VIBES?!? FUCK YEAH!! FINALLY SOME GOOD RELATEBLE CONTENT!!

this is so champagne problems vibes

“im having his baby! no im not but you should see your face” BAHHAHA taylor wtf

i was hoping for more religious trauma energy than what i got. i had high hopes with that first verse

OMG WHAT?!? MAAM?!? “ID RATHER BURN MY WHOLE LIFE DOWN THAN LISTEN TO ONE MORE SECOND OF ALL THIS BITCHIN AND MOANIN” GIRLY YOUR “BABY” IS ANTISEMEIC?

okay this song is now just funny to me. deeply i would’ve kept this one in the vault but it’ll grow on me

fresh out the slammer:

stand out lyric: n/a

we are starting with the lowest of standards for the record. i do not have a good vibe from this song

its fine. liek it’s not revolutionary to me. like its okay but… why does this beat change like that and did the long prison metaphor help? i think not.

however yeah bring up that he didn’t propose again. love that for you

florida!!!

stand out lyric: well me and my ghost we had a hell of a time

!! what!! “they said i was a cheat so i guess i must be” ARENT YOU THE ONE WHO WRITE IVY AND HIGH INFEDELITY?!? WHAT?!? i am giggling so hard. taylor what are you saying?!?

this song reminded how much i love florence! i mean that woman can really sing

nbnc reference! that was not on my bingo card!

texas mentioned!! slay!!

i love this song. like i fr really like this one. the drums are a bit much but i love how their voices work together! delicious

guilty as sin?

standout lyric: “there no such thing as bad thoughts. only your actions talk” “i keep recalling things we never did”

i like how this one sounds

this song is really good! and bestie i get it! yikes!

this song is really for the girlies who make up fake scenarios to hurt their own feelings and i feel seen

false god references(?)

well terrible job everyone that was a bit too relatable! thanks! i’m going to throw up! or scream! or cry!

who’s afraid of little old me?

standout lyric: “you don’t get to tell me about sad” “is it a wonder i broke let’s hear one more joke” “you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me”

yay!! she’s doing witchcraft again!! thank god!! levitate queen!!

you should be afraid of little old me was not what i was expecting from this song! but i like it! also i am enjoying this production

“so tell me everything isnt about me but what if it is?” HAHAHH TAYLOR WHAT IS THIS?!?

no taylro they say that you’ll sue them they prublish public information about your plane! so close tho!

jokes aside i like this! this one’s gonna be in my tops i think! it reminds me of tlgad which is one love

i can fix him (no really i can)

standout lyric: “he had a halo of the highest grade, he just hasn’t met me yet”

texas mentioned again!! a win is a win

another song about matty healy?!? must we?!? are we sure? this is proof that any relationship pain is overshadowed by a 3 month situationship

loml: “better safe than starry eyed”

mmm im liking this one!

damn marriage is brought up a lot in the album for someone who wrote lavendar haze

i like that there is the love of my life to loss of my life switch! i was worried she abrievated that for no reason

still alive, killing time at the cemetery is a great line!!

!!! oh!! i wish i could unrecall how we almost had it all! i didn’t think i would like that lyric!! i in fact do.

icdiwabh:

standout lyric: “babe you gotta fake it till you make it and you did”

THIS SONG IS SO GOOD!! OH SHIT

okay now this is my shit. i like how she’s taking about her success and shit

i cry a lot but i am so productive it’s an art is so real

“try and come for my job” yikes.

the smallest man who every lived

standout lyric: “i would’ve died for your sins but i died inside”

this one isn’t doing it for me so far. i’m sure it’ll grow on me but idk it’s not killing it for me.

DID SHE JUST CALL HIS DICK SMALL?!? HELLO?!? good lord i hope that’s what that meant

“you kicked out the stage lights but your still preforming?!?” GOOD LORD TAYLOR! it’s so jover

The alchemy:

standout lyric: “he jokes that it’s heroin but this time with an E”

i had to listen to this song twice cause i could just not lay attention

AYO ITS TRAVIS!! god the next album is gonna have so many football metaphors that i will not understand

this is really cute! i’m on team trayvis

clara bow:

standout lyric: promise to be dazzling

cool! now i’m sad!

as a girl who tries to be something exciting but feels like she never gets there this is very yikes! greta job gang

DID SHE JUST SAY HER OWN NAME?!? SHE NEVER DONE THAT

OH MY GOD

YOUVE GOT EDGE SHE NEVER DID

WHAT

WHAT

WHAT

the black dog:

standout lyric:

i am scared!

oh shit! who cheated on taylor?!?

oh wait. maybe that’s not true

i love old habits die screaming! tahts a funky line. i know we already had it but im a fan

!! hoax reference!!

!!daylight reference!!

oh joe. that poor man. they’re gonna kill him.

this is putting a sad spin on some of my fav songs so that’s cool

imgonnagetyouback:

standout lyric: “pick your poison babe, i’m poison either way”

did we need to do this in one word

OH MY GOD

SHE MAKING THE SAME THING AS GET HIM BACK BY OLIVIA RODRGIO

now i personally would’ve rewritten this one or picked a different song but this is a choice

this is a worse versions of get him back! imo

eras fading to gray is a crazy line!

the albatross:

standout lyric: “the devil you know now looks more like and angel”

this is kinda giving cowboy like me vibes but with more unnecessary vocal effects but that does in fact mean that i like it

peace reference?!

idk im into this one i think

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus:

standout lyric: all of them <3

my god this is a long title

oh my god. did she just out joe alywn? what? that can’t be what just happened

“you needed me but you needed drugs more” IM THROWING UP HOW DARE YOU

nobody touch me

“if you want to break my cold cold heart, just say i loved you. the way that you were” okay so now i am crying! hey! tahts cool! in other news put me on watch

this is one of my tops

you can tell cause i’m depressed now

maroon reference!!

okay so i will never recover congrats everyone!

how did it end?

standout lyric: “we learned the right steps to different dances”

i feel invasive listening to this. i didn’t want to hear about matty anymore but this is a lot.

this song is good but sweet lord. this is really sad. which i should’ve guessed but this is not what i was expecting

“D-Y-I-N-G” that was not how i thought that line was gonna end

so high school:

standout lyric: idk man they’re all cute

is this another one about travis?!? yay!!

awww she want to marry him! that’s so exciting!! and also maybe kill him but we do what we can

this is really cute

i’m glad she got this back! cause this is giving very fearless vibes which is perfect! i love that! i love that she’s having the sweet love again! and i’m so glad im not listening about matty! cause that man if the gift that won’t stop giving. no matter what i do. he just won’t.

i hate it here:

standout lyric: “No mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears” “when they found a better planet only the gentle survive”

second time bringing up being a precocious child! not something i thought we would get twice!

this song feels like it’s right off folklore

GIRL WHAT!?! “I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid” this is why no one wanted to play with you as a little kid

oh yikes now i’m relating

“i get lost on purpose. this place made me feel worthless” crying in the club once again

she really had to fight not to call him a finance bro

thank you aimee

stand out lyric: “Everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman but she used to say she wished that you were dead”

go to jail just for the capitalization

i feel like im missing something

is amiee real? is she a metaphor? is it someone from the rep era? i’m lost

if this is 15 year old beef that is amazing.

“there wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you” oh lol that’s so funny.

thank god taylor changed the name! cause otherwise they would kill her!

“and one day your kid comes home singing a song that only us two is gonna know so about you” oh that’s so good. you see i like taylor better when she’s being petty over decade old shit. it makes her more relatable

i look in peoples windows

stand out lyric: “i’m afflicted by the not knowing” “im addicted to the if only”

i love this.

is this the new shortest song in her discography? it’s gotta be. it’s like 2 minutes long

anyways. relatable. killin it

the prophecy:

stand out lyric: “Don't want money just someone who wants my company”

finally a song i can relate to! you know cause im psychic?

“I guess a lesser woman would've lost hope a greater woman wouldn't beg” yikes

oh no. i’m gonna cry. you see now im reminded of why i feel like im never enough. so cool 🤙

witchcraft again!! yay!!

what is gray-ge? gray/beige? was that already a word?

cassandra:

standout lyric: “what does kill you makes you aware. what happens if it becomes who you are”

bffr taylor does not patch cracks in her house

sorry i know tahts a metaphor, allow me to start by being less of a hater

oh i love a call back to the 2016 era. yikes

“BLOODS THICK BUT NOTHING LIKE A PAYROLL” HOLY FUCK WHAT?!?

“when its burn the bitch they’re shrieking, when the truth comes out they’re quiet” lol relatable

peter:

standout lyric: “we both did the best we could do underneath the name moon in different galaxies”

who is peter? very excting!

oh it’s peter pan! that’s cute!

is this about joe? i’m confused? i have no idea who this is about

i liek the piano! i like this more stripped back version

great bridge!

“cause love's never lost when perspective is earned” HEY BRO WHAT

the bolter: “she was leaving it felt like breathing”

standout lyric:

omg hey she wrote a song about me! jk it just started idk what this is

oh no

i cant do this right now

okay so no comment but yeah very relatable! cool! (except i’m not really a bolter now that i think about it. i just think i am. i’m actually not a quitter. im a stick with it person even when maybe i should bolt.)

robin:

stand out lyric: “you have no room in your head for regrets”

i like these a lot better than the first part of this album. i actually can’t tell if it’s a double release or not but i just like these more emotional songs more.

is she singing to her child self?!? is that what happening?!?

crying again.

the manuscript:

stand out lyric: looking backward might be the only way to move forward

my god this is a lot of songs! not complaining but i’m tired

okay i like the piano

“He said that if the sex was half as good as the conversation was soon they’d be pushing strollers” FUCKING HELLo?!? well now i’m in pain slay

this was not what i was expecting at all but let it be known i am crying and im not okay

this song really fucked me up guys

[emilyssky]

Chapter 4: City Lights And Past Lives.

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"  

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."    

Minho's POV:

1 year ago.

I solved my phone back in my pocket, choosing to ignore Jisung's messages. I know I'm probably being a dick right now, but he's used to it and he understands. That's one of the things I like about him. He doesn't ask much, he simply knows. He knows when he has to push me and when he has to let me push myself. I take another puff of the remaining bits of my cigarette and throw it on the ground. I lift my hood, trying to protect the sides of my face from the cold, but I keep shivering. My brain is so numb right now that the physical pain is the only thing that I can feel. On days like this, I honestly miss being 16 and getting my ass kicked by my dad, cause at least then the pain in my body was stronger than the voices in my head. As the years went by I found other ways though. As much as I hated him, I got addicted to the pain. I used it as my own personal punishment. The self-loath that he caused me made me crave it. I found similar pain in things like drugs and alcohol and started getting off by inflicting pain on others. Girls I would use and dump, friends I would treat like shit, people that would try to help me that I would lie to. I did anything to remind myself that I had power. That I wasn't the scared little boy he would beat the shit out of. I wasn't someone who was only capable of kneeling and taking beatings. I was strong. I was in control. I wasn't the one in pain.

I didn't wanna deal with anything. Or anyone. And I know that running away from you're problems is not doing shit. I know that I have to go back and deal with this but right now, I just want the world to be quiet. I want everything to go away for a few minutes so that I can have some space to fucking breathe. I jog up the stairs that lead to the roof. I've been coming here whenever I wanted to just get away for a little. This place was already at the top of my 'fuck everything, I wanna be alone' list, but since that night, I've been coming here kinda hoping to see her again. I know that that's not actually what I want. I can't deal with another confrontation, but I want the silence that came with her. It was like all my walls were replaced with mirrors and as she talked my mind backed off more and more, leaving me completely alone, listening. I was listening. For the first time, someone didn't force me to talk about anything or explain myself. All I had to do was sit and listen to her comforting me. Reminding me that; it's going to be okay. After that night, her words lived in my head rent-free. You know how most people have a song that, whenever everything goes to shit, they just put their headphones on and simply listen to it, and for these 3-4 minutes everything else fades away. That's how I kept her in my mind. Like a comfort song that I've been having on repeat ever since then. I force my legs to climb the last flight of stairs, finally reaching the top. I tilt my head a bit, looking at the half-open door with confusion. It's almost 4 in the morning. I place my hand on the door handle, and just as I'm about to pull it even more open, a figure flashes through the small gap of the open door. I move my head further into the door's opening, narrowing my eyes, trying to spot the person again, but the moon being the only source of light, doesn't help. They step into my line of vision again. The long hair makes me realise that it's a girl. She extends her foot and lifts herself up in a fouetté,  which I instantly recognise. Her turns are surprisingly clean. Her body keeps moving around the roof, occasionally leaving my limited line of vision. Her back is facing me, not allowing me to see her face. I stand there behind the door, completely magnetised by her dance. She must be a student here. I lean a bit forward trying to catch a glimpse of her face as she jumps and turns. She bends her back backwards, her head and hands handing beautifully and I freeze. I realise that the huge amount of weed that I've smoked hasn't made me completely numb after all cause I swear I just felt my heart skipping a beat. Her eyes are closed as she stays in position, rolling her head and hands to the music that's probably coming from the Air-pods that are now visible in her ears. Her face twitches with emotion and my hold on the door tightens. It's her. Questions, questions, questions. So many questions run through my head. So many emotions overwhelm me. Fuck, I must be so too high right now. I've thought about her way more than I like to admit. Now she stands here, in front of me. And I don't move, I stay hidden behind the door, watching her dance with tears on her face. I don't wanna talk to her. I don't wanna know her name or why she's crying. I just wanna watch her. And the more I do the more my heart tightens cause the memories that she awakes hurt. She dances so much like Mia, that it's ridiculous, I swear I see her face at some point. I know that I only hurt myself more by sitting here and watching her but I'm completely mesmerised by the way she moves. She's the perfect combination of uncontrollable passion and technique. She's using so much power in such a tender and light way, that I'm jealous. I miss dancing like that. I miss the emotional freedom that I felt whenever I danced. I let myself slide down the side of the wall soundlessly, and rest my head against it. There she is again. My little mirror.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Y/n's POV: The next few days went by in a blur. Wake up, go to class, come home, practice, and go to sleep. Every day is basically the same but I'm not really bothered by it, routine is good, I like having a routine. It's safe. It doesn't make me anxious and everything is scheduled. Dance has been hard though. Correction after correction, my annoyance grew. I was making no progress.

.

.

.

"I don't know y/n. Isn't it a bit short?" Emma is standing in front of the mirror, tugging her tight blue dress down, unsuccessfully.

"Em, you look fucking amazing. Blue is the perfect colour for blondes, and you're boobs look incredible." I praise her in an attempt to boost her almost nonexistent confidence as I put my hoops on. "Seungmin is going to be hard from the minute you walk in, bet" I stand beside her in the mirror, taking a look at myself. We look completely different. She's wearing a blue strapless dress with white heels that make her almost as tall as I am. Her long blonde hair falls in loose curls down her bare back and her light makeup looks almost flawless. On the other hand, I'm wearing leather pants that are tight around my waist but a bit baggier around my thighs and a simple strapless black top. I've straightened my naturally curly hair and kept my makeup the same as every time with black eyeliner and a dark red colour on my lips.

"You're one to talk." She bumps her hip to mine "You're hot as hell"

"Stop" I roll my eyes, smiling at her.

"Is Chan picking us up?" She asks as she fills her purse with makeup and other stuff.

"Um no, Hyunjin's picking us up." I grab my jacket and walk to the living room. Emma follows shortly.

"Great, are they going to text you when-"

My phone interrupts her and we smile at each other. Hyunjin's name flashes across the screen. Wow, he's actually on time, that's a first. I answer and put him on speaker.

"We're here bitches." Hyunjin yells.

"We'll be down in five." I say and hang up.

"Let's go." Emma says with excitement and we walk out the door.

Felix rolls down his window from the passenger's seat and lets out a loud whistle. "Damn." He yells.

"Hello ladies," Hyunjin says as we enter the car.

"Hey," I say. "You're exactly on time. I'm proud of you.."

"Okay, you're both hot" Hyunjin comments as he drives off.

"You sound surprised. " Emma says and I giggle.

"You know what I mean" Hyunjin's eyes are focused on the road as he speaks.

"Is Jisoo not coming?" I ask.

"No, Seungmin only invited us, and since I don't really know them that long I didn't wanna push it and ask to bring someone else. Plus, we're not 'together ' together anyway." he shrugs.

"Come on now, you've been seeing each other for like, a year and you're completely obsessed with her." They've been fucking around for so long but even though they never made it official, we all know that they have feelings for each other.

"I'm not, shut up" Hyunjin tries to contain his smile.

After a few minutes, we pull to an apartment complex.

"It's not far from our apartment. " Emma comments as walks to the door.

"We could stay over at your place if we get too wasted and none of us can drive. It's like 10 minutes away." Hyunjin says.

"Sure, we'll probably have an extra bed anyway 'cause Em will hopefully not come home tonight."  I wrap my hand around her shoulders.

"If you're anything like that in front of him, I'll physically hurt you." She attempts to threaten me but both me and the boys just laugh.

The music can be heard from down the hall, and we had to ring the bell at least 5 times before a guy opened the door.

"Hi" he smiles at us.

"Hi, Jeongin" Emma gives him a quick hug. The guys simply nod at him and follow Emma inside the apartment.

"Hi, I'm y/n" I shake his hand.

"I know, Chan told me you were coming. It's nice to meet you, I'm Jeongin" He has a nice smile. He's tall, with dark hair, brown eyes, and perfect eyebrows. He looks like he could be a model.

I take a step to his left, inside."Is Chan here?" I lean into him a bit cause it's so crowded in here that I could easily get lost.

"Yeah, I think he's in the kitchen." He says, closing the door. Emma, Hyunjin, and Felix have already disappeared. There are more people than I was expecting, Emma made it sound like it was a private party, but there are at least 60 people here.

"The kitchen.." I trail off as I look through the crowd, trying to find it. I hear him laugh from behind me.

"Come with me" He touches my back lightly before moving in front of me, guiding me to the kitchen. I instantly spot Chan's blond hair. He's with Changbin and some other people pouring shots.

"Hi" I go up to him from behind and he instantly smiles when he sees it's me. His hair is a mess and his cheeks are flushed.

"Oh my god, heyyyyy" He pulls me into a hug and I giggle.

"Are you drunk already?" I love drunk Chan. He hardly drinks that much but when he does he's one of the funniest people ever.

"Tipsy," he corrects me pointing a finger at me "Tipsy is the right word dear"

He pours two more shots and he gives one to me and one to Jeongin who's still standing beside me.

"Let's get it" Changbin yells and we all drown our shots. . . .

.

.

The energy in this house is crazy and at this point, everyone is pretty much drunk, including me and I'm loving it. I found myself dancing on tables, playing games, chatting with people, and actually smiling. For a moment I felt like my old self again and I wanted to keep that feeling for as long as I possibly can. So I drank more and danced more until the thoughts in my head about what I should and shouldn't do were gone. Currently, Emma and Seungmin are nowhere to be found, Felix has been following Hyunjin's drunk ass around cause he has thrown up 2 times already, Chan is playing beer pong with Changbin and some other girls and I'm dancing with Jisung and Jeongin. Turns out Jisung is a really good dancing partner and has been filling up Hyunjin's spot all night. Well, I did threaten him not to leave my side. Jeonjin is also a really nice guy, super funny, and easy to be around. Even if I don't wanna admit it, my eyes have been searching for Minho ever since I got here but he's nowhere to be found. I know I shouldn't really care, he hasn't been particularly nice to me but that doesn't really stop my growing curiosity about him. The temperature in the room is incredibly hot. My hair is sticking to my back and I feel like my whole face is on fire, the amount of alcohol that I've consumed doesn't really help. My breaths are getting shorter and sharper as I push my body to move to the music between Jisung and Jeongin. The minute I feel my stomach turning I knew I had to slow down for a bit. I needed air.

"I'm going to get some air, I'm sweating so fucking much." I yell over the music to both of them. Jeongin pulls me closer to him by my elbow.

"Do you want me to take you?" He says to my ear. Jeongin has been my guide through the house the entire night. He's taken me to his room to leave my stuff, and to the bathroom, and he showed me around the kitchen and the rest of the bedrooms. Emma was right, this place is huge.

"No, I got this one." I reassure him. I make my way upstairs and walk down the hall, to the last room, where we left our stuff. I remember that there was a small balcony and when I open the door, I'm happy to see that I remembered correctly. I carefully pull open the small balcony door oven and step out, letting the cool air hit my skin. My ears are ringing from the loud music, my eyes can't really focus on anything and my mind is a blur, unable to think about anything. In this moment I find myself smiling, cause in this moment everything is silent. The apartment is pretty high up, giving the guys access to an incredible view. I notice a small flight of stairs to my left. I look at them curiously, before slowly walking up, my drunken state not making it easy for me. When I reached the top, I looked around only to realise that I'm on a small rooftop. My eyes light up at the sight and a giggle escapes me. Rooftops make me happy. I wish our apartment had one.

"Okay, now who's stalking who?" A low voice says and my head snaps to the left. Minho's sitting on the floor with a cigarette between his lips. There he is. Has he been up here this whole time?

"I didn't even know you were here." I protest, taking a step forwards but stumbling a bit on my own feet.

Minho let out a low raspy laugh. "How come every time we meet on a rooftop you're always drunk? " He snorts "Is that like a thing? Whenever you get drunk you search for a rooftop?"

I keep my eyes on the sky in front of me. "I like rooftops," I smile as I begin to walk aimlessly around. "Something about being so high, no walls around me, a clear view of the sky, makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, it calms me down." I grab the railing and take a look downwards to see how far up are we.

"Get away from the railing, you're drunk." Minho's voice comes out louder than before. I look at him over my back. He's now standing, his cigarette rests between his fingers and his eyes are set on my figure.

Interesting.

I turn around, resting my back on the trailing, my hands still gripping it tightly.

Deja vu.

"Or what?" I giggle and lean backward just a bit more. He takes a quick step forward, his free hand extended towards me.

"Y/n, I'm not fucking around, get away." His tone is demanding and his eyes are hard, jaw set. My drunk mind finds his face funny.

"You're funny." I smile at him. He takes a few more steps, carefully.

"I'm not joking." His voice gets low again.

My eyes spark with excitement. "Oops" I lean back furthermore, but his hand comes around my waist pulling me away.

"Do you wanna die?" He says, staring down at me. I know he's half joking but my mouth opens before my mind can think.

"That would be a good way to go." I half smile.

His eyebrows draw together "What?"

"I mean it would be easier right?" I tilt my head at him "It wouldn't be entirely my fault. She got drunk and she fell off the roof sound better than anything else that would make me look weak right?" His face is unreadable, or maybe shocked I can't really tell. He drops his hand from my waist but doesn't say a word. "But either way, I'm weak right Minho?" I say, waving my hands. He clears his throat and looks away from my eyes.

"That's not what I meant I-"

"Cut the bullshit, I know what you meant." A sudden wave of emotions runs through me and I raise my voice slightly. "But let's get one thing straight, you don't know anything." I move closer to him. "You don't know anything about me or what happened. You're so quick to judge me and call me weak and stupid but you don't know shit."His expression changes slightly. A flash of emotion in his eyes that wasn't there before, he opens his mouth and then closes it again. His lips turn into a line and then he exhales loudly.

"It's not like that. I was just trying to help."He finally says.

"I don't need your help Minho. I don't want your fucking pity." I say through my teeth.

His eyebrows furrowed at my words. "I don't pity you y/n" He grabs my hand and without realising it I flinch lightly. He takes a sharp breath, his eyes widening only for a second before he drops his grip on my hand and turns around. He starts walking back and forth, hands on his head, through his hair, over his face, and finally set on his waist.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I begin to apologise.

"Stop," His tone is sharp. He shakes his head. "You're- You're pissing me off."

Pissing him off? "What did I even do?" I honestly ask, frustrated.

"Why are you apologising?" He spins around. I stare at him, no words are coming out of my mouth. I simply stare at him. My chest feels heavy all of a sudden and my eyes fall to the ground.

"What happened to you?" His eyes are searching my face. "I remember a year ago, I met a girl on a rooftop. I was just sitting there when she stumbled through the door, wasted. She was smiling and she talked about life, kindness, and shit. Her eyes were wild and her voice loud and powerful. Her presence was so incredibly bright and I hated it. It pissed me off. It pissed me off because she was everything that I wasn't. The way she viewed the world and the way she talked about people and life made me jealous. I was jealous of her light. It reminded me of a lot of things I missed. I hated it." My eyes can't keep eye contact with him as he speaks. My stomach is a knot, my heart is beating fast, and my head is spinning.

He remembers me.

"Now here we are," He waves his hand around. "A year later, on a rooftop and you're once again drunk. But you're different. And I don't know why, but it makes me mad." My eyes are glued to the ground. My whole body is tensed and I feel more exposed than I should.

"You were right" I finally find my words.

"About what?"

"I'm weak," I nod several times. "And stupid. And I don't have the courage to say to anyone that I was in a shitty relationship. That I was weak enough to be manipulated and lied to and treated like shit. None knows about my childhood or my past in general. I'm scared that everyone would look at me differently. I'm scared that everyone will judge me. Like I did to my mom." I confess. "I promised myself that I would be stronger than she was. Braver and smarter," I laugh. "But of course, I met a guy in my first year of college and I thought I could fix him. I wanted to help him, so I stayed. I made excuses every time something would happen. And he played me. " My eyes begin to burn, desperately holding back the tears. Minho's gaze is hard. From the way he's looking at me, I can tell that he wasn't expecting me to share that much.

"I'm sorry," I sniff and try to look anywhere else. "I tend to overshare when I drink." I laugh awkwardly.

"Was he hitting you?" His question makes me freeze. This is a question I wished I would never hear anyone ask me. It sounds almost unreal.

"In the beginning, it wasn't so bad. Not enough for me to realise I guess. But he did at some point, yes. " My voice falters. "He would get mad often. He would yell. He would throw things, a lot of times dangerously close to me. At times I would try to calm him down, but he would push me, not caring to look where I would land. It wasn't like he was beating me up, we were fighting all the time. It was pushing around, slamming into walls, choking, throwing things. It was the type of beatings that in my mind I could justify cause I wasn't exactly innocent. If I had slapped him and then he had pushed me against the wall and choked me until I begged him to stop, I couldn't blame him completely cause I was the one who had started it. In the beginning, it was sort of exciting, the fighting and the toxicity gave me the kind of rush that made me go back, wanting more. But things started to change and the realization of the situation hit me as hard as the first time he actually slapped me. I would fight, I would yell at him but at some point I became mentally drained and I couldn't really fight back." The words come out of my mouth without me even thinking about them. Like a secret, I was dying to finally say out loud. "Even during sex he was-"

"That's enough" Minho looks at me, disgusted almost. He shakes his head and turns his gaze to the night sky.

"He had a hard childhood. His father treated him like shit. His mother passed away when he was young-" His laugh cuts me off as he turns to look at me.

"I'm not defending him," I whisper." I-I..." I take a deep breath. " I left him. It turns out I was a joke to him. He was supposed to fuck me and move on to the next girl. He had made bets with his friends and I was so naive that I fell right into his little game. The day I found out was the day he lost it and he ended up choking me. When it got to the point that I couldn't really breathe, he snapped back to reality but it was too late. I left him that day"

Minho shakes his head once again, smiling at the ground. His hands are crossed.

"The day we met, I caught him having sex with a blonde bitch at a frat party," I giggle. His eyes shoot up at mine. I drop to the ground and bring my knees to my chest. "And you know what's the saddest part?" I look up at him and smile a little. "I don't even miss him. I feel anger and pain whenever I look at him. I miss who I was before him. I'm mad at him for making me feel this weak and I'm more mad at myself for letting him." I honestly say. "I didn't realize it at the time but now looking back, I can see that the more I stayed, the more pieces of myself I was losing. Until it was too late. Now I feel like everything was taken away from me. All that I built myself to be, came crumbling down after him." I let out a breath of relief. I've been keeping all this inside for so long, never having the courage to say anything out loud. Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe I'm too emotional right now. Either way, even if he doesn't really care about anything I said, even if doesn't even like me, the feeling of this huge weight finally lifting off of my shoulder is incredible. He takes a seat beside me. His shoulder brushes mine. He smells like vanilla and cigarettes. He doesn't look at me but I keep studying him. His jawline is sharper than a knife and his nose is perfectly straight. His eyelashes are probably longer than mine and the curve of his lips looks almost fake. His side profile is close to perfection.

"The urge to go find him and just beat the shit out of him is so strong right now." He exhales.

"Why? You have already expressed how much you don't like me and how I piss you off, many times." I giggle at his statement.

"Yeah but people like him piss me off more. " He says. I don't replay, instead, I rest my head on my knees and stare at him. His eyes are still looking forward. " And it's not that I don't like you."

"How did you know?"

"You told me about it the first time I saw you and I've seen it happening too many times." He says. I don't speak. I can't think of anything to say and I don't wanna overstep any boundaries by asking questions. "My father was abusive too," He breaks the silence. "He was an alcoholic. A piece of shit. It was only my mother at first but as the years went by he became violent towards me and my sister. I would fight him off as much as I could, but it would never end well. I remember begging my mother to leave him. 'I love him,' she would say. 'He said he won't do it again' "

He smiles at himself. "I was 17 and my sister 18 at the time. My dad came home drunk as usual. Me and Mia were in our room when we heard the sound of glass shattering. I rushed down the stairs and found a guy that I'd never seen before on top of my mother. He had his hands around her neck, choking her. Another guy was standing next to them, with a lamp in his hand and my dad laying on the floor." He clears his throat. "Um, long story short, he owed them a lot of money, and when he couldn't pay they came to find him. I did everything I could to protect my mother and sister but I was just a kid, I couldn't do much but I gave my sister enough time to call the police. My dad along with them ended up in jail." He finally turns to look at me. The emotion in his eyes is noticeable, for once. "It was supposed to end there." He continues. "We were finally free." A pause. "Until my sister started dating this guy."

I can feel my heart tighten, knowing where this is going.

"He was okay. Everything seemed okay, she looked happy so I didn't give it too much thought. They were dating for almost 2 years when they moved together. That's when shit started happening. We were dancing together ever since we were little so both of us decided to study dance naturally. We were practicing together every day so it wasn't easy for her to hide her body. Random bruises on her arms and legs started appearing, her mood started to change, she started skipping classes, and not going out with her friends." He shakes his head almost as if he's trying to shake the images out of his head. "She was this bright person, such a joy to be around. Always smiling." He smiled in such a sad way that my chest tightened. "When she came to practice one day with a bruise on her face, I put two and two together and completely lost it. I beat the shit out of him." He laughs a bitter laugh."She, of course, protected him. She pulled me away, and I yelled at her. I couldn't understand but I saw it in her eyes. She looked at me the way my mother looked at me whenever I would tell her to leave my dad." A pause "She was supposed to be better," His voice tightened, his tone a little louder. "I didn't understand. I still don't," He breathes. "I didn't speak to her for days, until one day she knocked at my door, late at night, crying hysterically." He takes a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and exhaled. "Turns out she was pregnant with that bastard's baby." He says and I suck a breath. He stays quiet, the silence makes what he said sink in more and more and I feel my heart break at his story.

"I was going to kill him." He looked at me. His face holds no expression but his eyes are swimming with emotions of all kinds. "For real, I was going to end him but she told me she left. She choose the baby over him and she left." I stare at him. That's all I can do honestly. What can I possibly say to him right now? His pain is all too familiar to mine. And I know that there's not much I can say.

"I understand," My voice comes out a bit louder than a whisper. " I understand.  I was supposed to be better too." I offer him a small smile.

He opens his mouth to say something but Jeongin bursts through the door before he has the chance to.

"Oh my god, there you are" He releases a breath, his hand over his heart. "You've been gone for over half an hour." I rise to my feet.

"I'm sorry." I apologise "I wasn't feeling that well. I think I drank too much." I quickly mask my face with a smile.

"You think?" He smirks and I push lightly at him.

"Smoke break?" He looks at Minho and I turn to look back at him as well. Any emotion that was there, has left Minho's face. His expression is entirely natural. Like our talk never happened.

"Yeah." He takes a lighter out of his pocket and lights again the cigarette that I forgot he was holding.

"You should come down, the party is crazy. " Jeongin says, excited and clearly drunk as well.

The corners of Minho's mouth lift a bit ."I'll be there in a few minutes." He reassures him and lets his eyes trail to me for a few seconds before focusing on his cigarette. Jeongin nods, grabs my hand, and leads me down the stairs and back into the room.

"Oh, by the way, Hyunjin has been throwing up nonstop and Felix is panicking."

"What?" I yell.

"Yep." Jeongin's mouth turns into a thin line. He leads me towards the bathroom, where I see Hyunjin with his head on the toilet and Felix leaning against the door frame, his fingers resting at the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed.

"I left you for less than an hour." I run to Hyunjin's side. I sit down beside him, brushing some hair out of his face. His eyes are closed, head resting on top of his hand.

"Babysitting Hyunjin feels like my full-time job at this point." Felix jokes, frustration written in his voice.

"You can go back down, I'll take it from here."

He hesitates. "You sure?"

"Yes Felix, go have fun. I'll find him a place to sleep and I'll be down in a few." I reassure him.

"Alright, if anything happens come and get me." He says and basically runs down the stairs.

"Hyunjin? Are you awake?" I say lightly. No respond.

"We can put him in my bedroom if you want. " Jeongin scratches the back of his neck.

"Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, sure" He shrugs and helps me lift Hyunjin. We walk just a few steps down the hall, into a bedroom, and gently drop Hyunjin on the bed. I scan the room, searching for a trashcan. I spot one under the desk, I place it beside the bed just in case he throws up again and turn him to his side before lowering the lights a bit.

"I'll come and check on him in a few. " I say as we make our way out of the room and down the stairs. The party is still going strong. I force myself to forget about Minho and what we talked about, by throwing myself back on the dance floor. The music gets louder and we get drunker. I lost count of the number of shots I've done, All I know is that I'm having a fucking great time. My body is on fire and my mind is numb. Unable to think, or panic. I move freely, I'm not thinking, I let the music guide my body and I let the alcohol take over my head. I spot chan coming out of the kitchen.

"Channie" I run to him, stumbling over my own feet. Thankfully, he catches me in his arms.

"Wow, you're really drunk." He laughs, helping me find my balance. I wrap my hands around his neck, refusing to let go.

"I've missed you so much" I slur.

"Okay, I know where this is going, and I don't want you to cry in front of everyone. How about we get you home?" His hand rests on my waist, as he leads me to the living room. Seungmin is sitting on the couch with Emma straddling his lap. They're making out as if their life depends on it. On the other couch, I spot Jisung and Minho talking.

"Em" Chan yells over the music, trying to get her attention. Her head snaps in our direction, breaking the kiss.

"She's drunk isn't she?" She sighs, a smile playing on her lips. I try to move away from Chan's grip but he won't let me

"I'm not drunk," I point my finger at her, trying to focus my eyes "I'm wasted." I smile.

Everyone laughs. Well, everyone except Minho.

"Okay, maybe we should get going." She climbs off of Seungmin's lap. "Where's Hyunjin?"

"Yeah, about that.." Chan trails off.

"He's blacked out drunk in Jeongin's room" Felix and Jeongin appear beside me, red cups in their hands.

"Jeongin," I squeal, as I break free from Chan's grip and run towards jeongin. "Let's dance." I attempt to grab his hand and drag him to the dance floor, but he sneaks a hand around my waist pulling me back, my back slamming into his front. I giggle.

"Nope," He laughs. "You've done enough dancing" I cross my hands and pout like a child. Felix laughs at my reaction.

" I haven't seen y/n drunk in so long, I've forgotten how funny she gets" he pats my head.

"I've not drunk Felix" I sigh dramatically, still in Jeongin's grip.

"I'm wasted," Chan and Emma say at the same time and everyone bursts into laughter. Everyone except Minho, again. I turn to look at him, and he's already looking at me. He's sitting on the couch, legs spread wide open, a red cup in his hand, and his head resting on the back of the couch. His free hand plays with his bottom lip and his eyes are focused on my figure, not moving. Not gonna lie, he looks hot. Minho is undeniably handsome. Something about his whole presence is attractive....until he opens his mouth. He can be a total ass. But right now he's not talking, he's simply staring at me, and he looks hot doing it.

"Wait, so if Hyunjin can't drive us back, how are we going to get home?" Emma's question breaks me from my thoughts.

"I can't drive, I've been drinking a lot" Felix giggles. His blonde hair is a mess and his cheeks look like they're on fire.

"I can drive." My hand goes up.

"No" jeongin brings my hand back down. I roll my eyes and rest my head against his chest. From the corner of my eyes, I see Minho lean forward. He places his elbows on his knees, the red cup now hanging from his hand between his legs. His eyes burn the side of my head.

"I can drive you," Jisung offers. "I've only been drinking water, all night"

"Yayyyy" I throw my hands in the air. Jisung flashes me a smile.

"Okay," Emma says and turns to Chan. "Please help me drag Hyunjin's drunk ass to the car." She stands from the couch and turns to Felix. "I'll grab all of our stuff, just take Y/n and Jisung to the car." She points a finger at him, her voice slow and loud as if she's explaining something to a child. Felix nods and takes me by the arm.

"I like them bossy." Seungmin wipes his lips with the back of his hand as his eyes follow Emma's back.

Jisung gets up from his spot beside Minho.

"Do you want me to come?" Minho looks up at him.

"No, I'll manage" He pats his back and Minho just nods.

"Okay then," He rubs his hands together. "Let's go kid." He says to me, placing a hand on my lower back, guiding me through the sweaty bodies, while Felix leads the way. Emma and Chan arrive at the car a few minutes after us, holding a very grumpy, half-asleep Hyunjin. Emma unlocks the car and gets into the passenger's seat while me, Hyunjin, and Felix get in the back. Hyunjin immediately lays his head on my lap, closing his eyes once again. Chan appears at my window.

"Text me when you guys get home, okay?" He says to Emma.

"Sure thing dad." She smiles at him.

"Goodnight Channie" I wave at him as Jisung starts the car.

"Bye." He waves back. I rest my head on the back of the seat, letting the cool air hit my face as my fingers run through Hyunjin's long blonde hair. Silence fills the car and my eyes begin to close until finally, sleep takes over me.

[wantbytaemin]

hi ana what are your top ten fave songs right now quickly 🎤

hi angel whew ur straight to the point aren’t u well let’s go! 🫡 you get 5 balkan tracks and 5 non balkan tracks bc ive been very balkanic recently & also i made this into a little playlist to make it easier for u to check out as ur reading my commentary (ofc there’s commentary who do you think you’re talking to)

svemir by devito (SOOOOO GOOOOOOD this has been out for a while now but it stays on my on repeat playlist)

nenormalan lik by nikolija ft devito (ANA FT LINOOOOOO no further comments. can go both ways actually which is the beauty of it all also i NEED to see him throw it back to ‘nenormalan nenormalan nenormalan lik’)

monster by jala brat & buba corelli (IM SORRY AS IF ITS MY FAULT ŠTO SAM LEVEL UP ZATO ME I NE VOLE [shakes ass until tmrw] also i can’t wait to have my dragon tattoo so i can sing along in EARNEST and no i won’t explain this bc im actually insane)

rosalia by jala brat & buba corelli (again sorry. like im to blame i was born in balkan and their tracks go so fawking hard to me)

periferija by voyage ft nucci (aka by bangchan ft changbin. Yes everything is always about something else to me and also Yes i’ve already made a post abt this LMAOOO)

did it like i did - remix by swervy (thanks to m @linoguy and the analisten playlist it’s SO good to me.)

du du du (english ver) by tan (i have NO idea who these people are but their song was on one of my playlists on spotify and it went in the likes right away i LOVE the guy who says just enough to sweeten up my morning coffee w this energy -> 🤪. Obsessed w him)

fade by knk (another thank you to the analisten playlist, specifically @ohmuqueen for this one 💞. The way this song sends me to OUTER FUCKING SPACE.)

too sweet by hozier (the bitch (cunt song releasing hozier) is back 💋 also the bass is FAT and i love the lyrics sm)

small reminders by tinashe (throwback but ive been listening to 333 the album so much lately esp this song.. ‘ain’t nobody telling me shit about shit and that’s that’ truly hits such a special spot to me these days 🤭)

PS everyone still very welcome to add to our collab playlist!! here u go if u lost the link 💖

[marinaiguess]

the vocal themes from frontiers describe a specific theme on their lyrics and it gradually turns from fear to acceptance (i suppose) i’ll be talking abt these (in the order of their “appearance” in game): i’m here, undefeatable, break through it all, find your flame, vandalize.

(also spoilers)

i’m here is a lot about doubting and reassurance. it starts with sonic “leaving the life he knew before” “finding the truth of who he’s meant to become”, revealing a degree of uncertainty. despite the fact sonic has always moved forward, “to new horizons”, he “fights this fear, with his life”, fights the fear of losing his friends. but in the next pre-chorus, it seems like he can hear his friends (“don’t be afraid, i will be with you”) who are trying to reassure him and give him the strength he needs to keep on fighting. in the end, he still moves forward, but now he’s more assured as “the way ahead’s becoming clear.”

undefeatable is about a strong sense of confidence that overshadows the real emotions sonic is feeling (a topic touched by the next song as well). that’s mostly fear. sonic seems to be handling everything well so far, even saying that “think im on 11 but im on a 9, guess u dont really know me” which shows he really believes he is “undefeatable” and that makes sense, especially since he is in his super form for the first time since the beginning of their adventure and is certain the chaos emeralds will help him complete his mission (he doesnt know yet that the emeralds disperse after visiting a different island). however, he keeps repeating “face your fear” and it serves as a reminder to himself that he cant avoid this emotion. “i used to never know/this feeling’s just a ghost” is him trying to persuade himself that this fear is momentary and that he has to focus on the battle to keep moving forward.

break through it all is about accepting and overcoming the fear. sonic still tries to convince himself to keep the fight going (“dont look down”) but at the same time he’s calling out to his enemy (”show yourself”). that’s when he’s found most of his friends but has yet to find tails. he wants to end this and quickly, so he doesnt wait for the enemy to appear on its own. now he knows that he “cant hide from what he feels”, he’s still afraid but more determined (”no more compromise, this is do or die”) and ready to risk it all. half of the chorus is sonic’s friends hyping him up, telling him that he “wont fade out, cuz the fire in him never dies” and that he shouldnt stop cuz they have a mission. sonic has been listening to them and he knows they have been with him this whole time, so he accepts that they will be okay cuz they are fighting alongside him (”we wont stop until the battle’s won”) and until the end of the song, sonic talks on behalf of all of them. 

find your flame is about the ultimate disappearance of that fear. theres no fear overshadowing what he has to do (”take a seat, im on a mission”) and he’s carrying his friends with him in this one (”we wont back down”). sonic has surpassed his frontiers (”im here to go beyond my limit”), he is at the worst state possible (cybercorrpution) and is eager to end the fight, even more now that hes reunited with his little bro. (”i’ve been waiting for my moment to strike”). he has no inhibitions, he’s not restraining himself, he’s not feigning confidence but he is filled with it (all the pre-chorus indicates that). 

now, heres an interesting take (which ofc may be completely wrong but oh well): “will the whole world know your name/ when we dance with destiny?” is a line asked by sage, trying to understand sonic. “im never gonna stop believing” is tails’ response as he tries to prevent sonic from doubting himself. he is the only one who has been with sonic for the longest time, the only one who “has been there and has seen it”, sonic’s willpower and strength, so he reminds him that “he’ll find his flame” (it connects with the conversation sage and tails had regarding sonic’s abilities). and now, sonic is sure that this is “the end of the show” and that he’ll find his flame thanks to his friends. 

vandalize is about the aftermath. sonic was betrayed (”you promised to help me rebuild/you caught me off guard”) he is in pain. this whole adventure has left a mark, it has vandalized his heart. from losing his friends, to finding them, to not being able to save them, to having to find the chaos emeralds again and again while fighting the cyber corruption and then getting betrayed but also barely managing to make it out in one piece yet not being able to save everyone (rip sage). there’s no fear. just determination, certainty. and pain. even when the physical pain stops, the emotional damage (LOL) has been dealt. no matter what happens next, this adventure has left a mark on sonic.

[why-so-serious-lucifer]

K-pop Discography Deep Dives: Rolling Quartz 🎸

Rolling Quartz is the fourth band I’ve covered here, and the first girl band, which is very exciting! They debuted in 2020, with five members: bassist Arem, guitarists Iree and Hyunjung, vocalist Jayoung, and drummer Yeongeun. They aren’t exactly K-pop, but instead a blend of that and k-rock. Here are my credentials: I’ve been a fan of Rolling Quartz for a while now, after being recommended their excellent cover of Dreamcatcher’s Good Night, and though I know they’re not that popular (and so this review is more for me than other people), I thought it’d be fun to do to break up the SHINHWA epic.

Blaze was their debut, and what a debut it is! Coming right out the gate with a blistering, half-minute-long guitar riff, inspirational lyrics, and Jayoung’s signature husky contralto. From this first song, they immediately stand out from the crowd: besides playing instruments, having a grungier style and music video, and dabbling more in rock, their music also feels more personal, probably due to the fact that they weren’t assembled by a company but instead formed on their own and have the power to write their own songs.

Delight starts out quieter than Blaze, though it doesn’t stay that way for long. It keeps the inspirational lyrics, with a slower, more minimalistic opening that feels like it’s holding its breath until the song explodes in rock bliss. It’s a masterclass in pulling back and rushing forward, and keeps you guessing—in a good way. This was never one of my favorites as a casual listener but I’m pleased to say this changed my mind.

Holler starts with the somewhat haunting call of “Holler, holler, holler”, befitting of the MV’s vampiric inspirations (especially Jayoung’s awesome dress), and the chant repeats again in the post-choruses as a break from the established build ups. It’s definitely reminding me of a Taemin song, with its seductive creepiness, albeit based on far more of a rocky vibe than is usual for him. Overall, I like this one more this time too!

From the EP, Fighting, I liked the crisp guitar riffs of Higher and of course their excellent cover of Dreamcatcher’s Good Night...but my favorite would have to be Azalea. Adapted from an old poem protesting the Japanese occupation of Korea, it’s the true definition of an anthemic, passionate, head-banger, and I hope one day (Hera willing) I’ll get to experience its incredibleness in concert.

One is a collaboration, and goes more of a teen-movie-soundtrack-pop-punk route; as one comment I saw said, “it sounds like it could be from a Monster High movie.” Which is absolutely not criticism, by the way; though I don’t think that One is as good as tracks like Blaze, Delight, or Azalea, it’s a fun break from the darkness and makes me want to relive my younger teenage years (though maybe not all of them, let’s be honest here).

Nazababara is their return after a while, and goes a much sunnier, brighter route, making it feel less like a political anthem and more like one for a night out for friends. I love the segments with less instrumentation in the pre-chorus so that the vocals have time to breathe, and of course the short “you got me, got me” bridge was a highlight too. It’s a short song, but a memorable one.

Sing Your Heart Out is a b-side, but it was given a music video so I’m treating it like a single. It’s harsher in sound and darker in tone than Nazababara, and more true to their usual sound. The guitar riffs are as sharp as ever, and have a great sense of build in those pre-choruses, before the chorus appears to smash everything out of the park. It definitely had me banging my head, especially during that great guitar breakdown and outro.

I’m A Loner isn’t a usual Rolling Quartz song in many ways; it’s both a collaboration with Nam Do-hyun, and an OST. But, it retains their staples of driving beats and Jayoung’s strong voice with those sharp guitars that propel it forward. I hadn’t actually heard this song before this deep dive, but I ended up liking it. I wish it had more of a cathartic end to its great build-up, but otherwise it’s pretty good.

Fearless takes a more EDM-based approach to its rock, for another banger, this time choosing something I normally dislike: an “I’m-so-cooler-than-you” song…and yet, they pull it off! That guitar solo was perfection and I couldn’t resist the urge to dance along with them as they played their instruments in the rain (which I hope they didn’t have to film more than once).

Reminiscence is their most recent single, and though it starts with a sharp snare drum, its first verses are actually a quite straightforward ballad, made unique by the ever-present power in Jayoung’s voice. But of course, since this is Rolling Quartz, it soon becomes a power ballad worthy of single status, and manages to be incredibly captivating despite its music video only being them playing their instruments in their studio, and it actually became one of my favorites of theirs. Also, I had no idea that Jayoung plays piano, so that was a fun surprise.

I’m glad I did this! I knew I would have a great time, but it was still a fun ride. I forgot how few songs Rolling Quartz actually has, but when every one of them is so high in quality, I can’t really complain. I learned a lot more about them as people too, watching some interviews and behind the scenes content and having some good laughs along the way.

My Top 5 songs are Blaze, Azalea, Nazababara, Reminiscence, and Fearless, with Sing Your Heart Out as an honorable mention. Rolling Quartz gets a 9 out of 10 from me, the same as The Rose did, which isn’t surprising at all. I don’t think that there’s a single song of theirs I don’t like, and very few that I don’t love. They’re remarkably consistent and incredibly talented, and I can’t wait to see what they do next!

Next time, we’ll finally be finishing the SHINHWA deep dive, so stay tuned. Tschüss!

[sevenswansmp3]

tagged by @hauntedwoman to talk about 5 things i’m obsessed with <33333 thank you!!!

1. succession surprise, surprise. i’ve finally gotten around to starting a full succession rewatch and i’ve been taking notes. first and foremost, one of my missions for this rewatch was to really focus in on shiv as a character because the first time i watched it and then rewatched it, i was a huge tom and kendall girl and honestly really did not like shiv :( but i recognize now that my dislike for her was mostly a result of my own internalized misogyny and also because she is a woman written by men and they really do their best to make her one of the less sympathetic characters in the show. i also think that a big chunk of fans online (esp twitter) are quick to label her an evil woman and, when defending their pov, they tend to bring up her behavior towards tom and kendall while also ignoring how both tom and kendall have treated her. i’m really enjoying this rewatch and have really grown to love shivvy. her relationship with tom also reminds me a lot of macbeth and lady macbeth and i think that their relationships have a lot of parallels and i find it very very interesting!!! i’m hoping to compile enough evidence to write something comprehensible about it. also, ROMAN. i literally did not give a shit about roman until the last few episodes of season four which is crazy but something has come over me. i think it’s his issues with intimacy and refusal to let anyone like actually see him and love him that has really bonded me to him <3 additionally there is something about kieran culkin (and rory…) that has bewitched me this summer. i think it’s kieran’s little fangs. i’m obsessed

2. the enormity of my desire disgusting me <3 welcome to truelovewaitsmp3 on tumblr dot com. this summer, i don’t think i’ve opened my journal without writing about how bad i want someone to love me, to look at the mess of my insides and all of this gross desire and love me anyways. to quote something i said to katy alpacinolover in an email, “I DON’T WANT SOMETHING CASUAL. I WANT TO BE THE PREY IMPALED ON YOUR SHRIKE’S THORN.” there’s something to be said about shame here and probably a million other things but i’ve written it so many times already that i don’t care to repeat it here.

3. ??? (stone fruits) two weeks ago, i bought a carton of nine plums from a local produce market. i had been rotting on the couch all day and decided that if i didn’t get up and put on real clothes and go buy a plum i was going to die. the most erotic experience i’ve ever had was eating a plum over newly washed cream sheets, plum viscera under my nails and between my teeth, wine colored juice dripping down my chin and onto my sheets. when the plums were gone, i found two forgotten nectarines in the fridge. i have been assigned “the love song of j alfred prufrock” for three different classes over the last four years (high school english, western humanities and then british lit in college) and each time, the line “do i dare eat a peach” was said to refer to prufrock’s acid reflux. in my american lit class, my professor brought it up one day and told us that it referred to oral sex. anyways. a nectarine is not a peach but i find the experience just as enjoyable.

4. wasteland, baby (2019) for whatever reason, i’ve always gravitated more towards hozier’s first album. however, over the past two months, i have listened through wasteland, baby an insane amount of times. something about the world ending and having someone there to hold through it. this album is also so incredibly sexy and is home to the horniest and sweetest hozier songs (TALK, be, dinner & diatribes, movement, etc). at the end of the title track, hozier whispers “that’s it” and i lose my mind. nfwmb is an honorary wasteland baby track, to me, and also a song that makes me insane and that i have had on repeat lately. i’m scared and excited to see what unreal unearth is going to do to me.

5. a past that i cannot go back to !!!! my hometown is filled with too many ghosts. summer digs them back up. i drive past her mom’s house and have to see her stupid car. someone else comes into work and i have to be reminded of everything i’ve missed out on. i have written about the same thing so many times i’m afraid that my story is metamorphosing.

hiiii ok i’m tagging @alpacinolover (i know you’ve already been tagged by someone else but i really need you to do this) @motherofvinegar @kenromshiv and anyone else who wants to do it! im tagging u.

[imichelle-l-rigby]

Reflections: Cillian Murphy’s Limited Edition

Season 3, episode 5

✨also magnificently late✨

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*I am a music prof (predominantly classical vocalist), and I LOVE listening to Cillian’s music choices! That being said, sometimes I won’t like a song simply because of a vocalist (it’s a professional hazard - sorry!) 👩‍🏫

** The following are my own observations/opinions. We may not agree, and that’s ok! That’s what makes music fun! 😊

*** I wouldn’t say I’m well-versed in Cillian’s music preferences, but I do enjoy them (for the most part). I always wind up adding to my own playlists after listening to Cillian’s recommendations.

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The episode…

🎵Set 1 (Cross Talk I - Auntie’s Lock/Infinitum)

Cross Talk I: this sounds like the technology of my childhood 👵🏻

Soaring X: the instrumental track reminds me of something (specifically the 3 note motif) and I can’t for the life of me remember what it sounds like! Ahhh!!!! Also, I love this! It’s always so interesting to me how a tremolo (the fast repeated notes) can be so effective and moving when the technique itself is so simple.

Auntie’s Lock/Infinitum: … when the melody is basically the Westminster chimes 😳😅😂 wasn’t expecting that!

🎤Talking Break

Thanks for the date info! 😂😂😂

“”Luxury loving Librans”

An ident! 😳😂

… sir. I didn’t need to know that about spiders 😖😖😖

“Do your bit”- yes. Please wash your hands

Why is he so into uninteresting facts?? 😅

Yay! Someone told him the name of the film!!!

🎵Set 2 (All Change - Excess Success)

All Change: the intro sound effects specifically remind me of the jump/crisscross sections of the Cha Cha Slide 😅🤦‍♀️ now it is cool how things get more distorted towards the end! Unsettling, but neat.

it’s been a long week please don’t judge me for my idiocy 😅😂

Apothecary: I’m listening to all the woodwinds in the background. Interesting timbres.

Excess Success: it’s both cute and driving. Idk how that works, but it does!

🎤Talking Break

“Oh yes! Some music from Cork. Where I’m from…”

Reflection inspired tangentially by Elaine’s comments - I’ve noticed so many ppl are afraid to sing. It’s a part of us, so of course it’s personal. Either way, please sing. It’s worth it.

🎵Set 3 (To the Test - somehow she’s still here)

To the Test: chill and atmospheric. 😎

InFLUX: a weird distorted saxophone background. Again, I’m convinced this is one of Cillian’s favorite instruments! I really like the vocals here. And then halfway through everything changes! 🙀 surprise twist!

Somehow she’s still here: soulful! Gorgeous vocals!

🎤Talking Break

More Irish music!

“Cracker of an album”

🎵Set 4 (All of the People)

All of the People: while not my fave vocal style, I do like this (and Fontaines DC). Instrumentals are beautiful *dreamy sigh*

🎤Talking Break:

Oh dear… he manifested a poetry reading 😂😂😂😂

A stormy Brooklyn!

Plateau: the background track is trippy! I am immersed!

🎵 Set 5 (Le Jardin - Sorrowful Soil)

Le Jardin: I feel like I’m in a National Geographic special omg! 🙀 but the cute piano piece is a great addition! It really feels like I’m in the garden and I’m listening to someone play from the garden window. It’s also cool that the piano portion follows the “rustic” or pastoral trope of the pedal point. It’s meant to evoke bagpipes/pipes (not limited to Scotland but of course heavily associated with the country). The lilting melody on top just adds to the pastoral trope. And then the garden atmosphere gets all synth and I go “what???” 😅 this one’s got a bit of everything! 😂

XII: I love that he enjoys instrumental music. Lots of interesting timbres - some brass and woodwinds.

I’ll Stay Here Now: it’s all whooshy like the music’s being played backwards. 😊

Sorrowful Soil: this is so angular! I know I should pay attention to the lyrics, but I’m only paying attention to the musical lines. It’s reminding me of VERY early (medieval) musical lines, but put in the electronic timbres of today.

🎤Talking Break:

“That was Bjork, of course!”

I should check out the podcast. I’m not a huge Bjork fan, but it sounds cool!

Idk how or why, but I always enjoy music from Iceland. I’ve never even been there!

The ident…

GEORGE HARRISON IS MY FAVORITE BEATLE

I still need to watch Living in the Material World… 😅

I LOVE GET BACK

Side note - I’m convinced Cillian’s favorite Beatle is John.

🎵 Set 6 (I Can Feel It)

I Can Feel It: I am dancing and having so much fun!!! 💃

🎤Talking Break

The shortest break EVER.

🎵Set 7 (Inglan is a Bitch)

Inglan: all I can say is OOF. This song packs a punch! 😅

🎤Talking Break

No Cill, he’s not more interesting. Promise. 😂😂😂

Cohen covers ❤️

🎵Set 8 (Hey, That’s No Way to Say Goodbye - What About Now)

Hey: I love Roberta! ❤️❤️❤️

I Shall Not Be Moved: I think tambourine should be in more songs.

Description of People Get Ready: I love gospel!

People Get Ready: ok, for so many personal reasons, I love this song and it’s message! “You just thaaaank the Lord!”

What About Now: I’m feeling so much ‘60s teenage rebellion. 😎 vocals aren’t that strong, but the drums sure do cover a lot of that! Perhaps a Bob Dylan inspired vocal quality! The whine is on point.

🎤Talking Break:

“Great name for a band”

Disco!

“Does this qualify as disco?”

🎵Set 9 (Dee Tour - Genshi)

Dee Tour: fun and girly and so retro! Also… FLUTE SOLO! 😎

Genshi: I looooove the opening. Which is funny because it’s so monotone, but the repeating rhythms are cool 👍 and then you have other lines show up. It’s just a groovy little piece!

🎤Talking Break

“Do work, or tidy the kitchen, or think about composting, things like that”

Kinda a cover?

🎵Set 10 (Goodbye Pork Pie Hat)

Goodbye Pork Pie Hat: more sax! The ding and other sound effects are so strange to me. Like… why? I feel like I’m missing context here. The pedal board lyrics are so “whoa”

🎤Talking Break

GEORGE HARRISON 😍😍😍😍

Yeah George - biggest solo album!!!

ARCHIVE OF GEORGE!!!!

I’m so proud of him for not cussing in this interview because I know he wanted to 😂

🎵Set 11 (Awaiting on You All - One Woman)

Awaiting On You All: not my fave George solo song, but you can’t deny it’s groovy!! His personal style could be haunting, beautiful, or kinda schmaltzy early rock ish. And all wrapped up in a quiet, sassy personality! 😂😅

One Woman: ooohhh this soulful, soulful song! ❤️ gorgeous vocals.

🎤Talking Break

I’m with you, Cill, regarding Al Green

Noooo don’t go!

Jazz! Yussss 😎

“Played this loudly in the kitchen last week”

“Mind yourselves”

🎵Set 12 (Pastoral - Memories of Edith Johnson)

Pastoral - ok, I could go music nerd again on the pastoral genre, but I won’t. Once is enough. But I do like the harp! Such a sweet sound.

Desillusion: yep! Definitely some jazz! 😎 powerful piano. It keeps sloooowly getting more complex as the song goes along. The bass and drums are also getting it! I’m gonna have to look up this trio.

Memories of Edith Johnson: so I looked her up and Edith was a silent film actress. It now makes sense why Cillian likes this. The organ and sax are fun together. The “oooohs” I can do without.

Fin

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Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to share and comment! Episode 6 coming soon!

Tag list:

@iammrsrogers @deliciousnutcomputer @mariamoonie @brownskinsugarplum76 @look-at-the-soul @kj-davis @neverroad @teapothollow @thepurplearmyposts @possessedmarshmallow