#I’ve been using it for a while now and so far all the tutorials have been pretty easy to understand

[empyrealbiscuit]

As a mediocre knitter myself, I use this for knitting stuff:

It has like, everything I could ever want to learn about, and the lighting is a bit better than hypothetical Phyllis’s. Absolutely no shade to any Phyllises out there, they tend to have the most experience in their craft and the willingness to teach others about it!

I think we can at least all agree that the AI overview sucks big time, and people sharing techniques about human hobbies will always be the way to go :)

when i look up a knitting term, the last thing I want is an ai overview. I want a 60+ year old woman with no understanding of lighting or helpful camera angles who still manages to give the most concise and clear explanation of how to execute purl 2tog through the backloop. ai summary fuck off, where is phyllis?

[heartyluv]

Note: The wave of love that hit me required me to write this now. I was going to wait until his birthday, but I actuallyyyy couldn’t. Guys….I love Caleb. Like wayyy too much. I’m not gonna yap, but I’m wishing you all the best luck on pulling for him!!!! May all you luvlys get him with EASE! 🫶🏽

Creds to @/enchanthings-a for the divider!

Warning: Smut, Caleb calls you pipsqueak/pips (it’s honestly grown on me so much, but only when he says it), messy candy sucking and exchanging

Word Count: 2.3K

Summary: It’s your boyfriend’s birthday!

Happy Birthday, Caleb

You watch Caleb rip the wrapping paper off what he thinks is his final gift with a uncontainable smile on your face. You’ve spent every birthday with this man since you were kids, but it’s been different the last three years. Instead of you just giving him the tightest hug and clapping when he blew out candles, you were kissing his lips and telling him how much you loved him.

The day you and Caleb finally dropped the facade of trying to act like you were nothing more than two really good friends who loved each other platonically, was the best day of your life. It grants you privileges and memories that you would never be able to experience otherwise.

You always made it a note to ensure that Caleb’s birthday was as special as you could make it, but this year? You went all out.

You decorated the living room with fairy lights, balloons, streamers, confetti—the whole shebang. To top it off, you had baked Caleb an apple cinnamon crumb cake from scratch—thanks to dozens of tutorials—and when you saw the way his eyes softened in delight as he tasted the first bite after he blew out his candles, you knew that you would do absolutely anything to keep that level of happiness and contentment on his face.

“How much wrapping paper did you use?” Caleb chuckled as he ripped the second layer off.

“I’m gifted in a lot of things, but successfully wrapping presents is not one of them.”

It took you two rolls of failed attempts before you decided to start messily covering the large box with as much paper that would efficiently conceal it. It was far from pretty, but you were a firm believer that while the execution was important, the sentiment could count just as much.

You bit the nail on your thumb in anticipation as a peek of the logo showed, Caleb’s head tilting to the side. With your legs curled up onto the couch as you sat beside him, nervousness was readily coursing through your veins because you really, really hoped that he liked what you felt was one of the more important surprises.

Finally, with the present revealed, you looked into your boyfriend’s eyes while he turned the box to see what it was in its entirety.

“Pips,” he says with shock. “How did you—I haven’t been able to get my hands on this for months. And the price? I can’t believe you got it…”

Your cheeks hurt so much from how hard you’re grinning when all he could do was gape at the aircraft building set that contained over 17,000 pieces and something that when put together, was large enough to need its own surface to have sufficient space for its massive length and wingspan.

“If you ever want me to help, I’m always ready, Colonel,” you salute playfully, giggling when he shakes his head at your use of his title.

He looks at you with so much appreciation and love, setting the present beside him to make room for his utmost favorite. “C’mere.”

You waste no time, sitting up on your knees to kiss him sweetly. His hand rests on your waist to keep you steady as your hand cups his jaw when your lips move together.

“You really like it?” you caress his cheekbone with your thumb after you pull apart.

“I love it,” he swipes his nose against yours. “I can’t thank you enough, but it never hurts to try, does it?”

You kiss him once more, his eyes gleaming with adoration before he speaks again. “I’m so thankful for you. I always have been.”

“Don’t thank me just yet. I’ve got oneee more thing.”

You hop off the couch, running over to the console table and opening the drawer. A small container is revealed, the contents inside rattling as you make your way back to him.

“I’m gonna have to go all out for your birthday, aren’t I? I can’t let you top me like this.”

“Hmmm,” you hum as if in thought. “Like you said, it wouldn’t hurt to try, but I’m actually too excellent.”

He breathes a laugh out through his nose, admiring how your dress hugs the body he’s memorized time and time again. When you’re in front of him, you hold your final gift behind your back, looking down with giddiness while he quirks a perfect brow in wonder.

“Spread ‘em,” you gesture to his legs. You need to be able to sit comfortably, after all.

“Aren’t you supposed to wine and dine me first?” He crosses his arms over his chest like he’s hiding himself from your lingering gaze.

“I’ve wined, dined, surprised, and supplied you with the best birthday ever. Now open up.”

His hands raise in mock surrender with a smirk on his handsome face. You kick your small heels off, thankful for the large couch for having enough space for you to be able sit on him in the way you’re about to.

After you climb into his lap with your knees resting on either side of him, your panty clad pussy rests right on top of his hard on that begs for release beneath his slacks.

He won’t admit out loud that he’s been hard ever since he walked in a few hours ago to see you in your new dress with a cake just for him in your hands. The way the candles made your eyes twinkle and the gloss on your lips shine was a recipe for good living according to Caleb.

“You’re such a horndog,” you purse your lips, trying to keep your composure when he shifts a little bit and pushes into you.

“Can you blame me?”

You roll your eyes but he just smiles like a Cheshire cat because he knows that you’ll always be just as affected by him as he is you—no matter how coy you try to act.

“Close your eyes,” you instruct him. Of course he trusts you blatantly, so when his eyelashes rest on his cheeks after following you command, you take his hand and place the golden canister into his large palm.

“Okay, you can look.”

His eyes flutter open slowly, focusing on you first before your head tilts down to tell him to follow your gaze. Once he sees what you’ve given him, Caleb is in complete shock.

“What tricks and connections do you have up your sleeves that’s allowing you to get a hold of all these things? We could never find these anymore a few years ago.”

“A lady never tells her secrets,” you wink. “But don’t you remember how much we used to eat these? I’m surprised we never got any cavities.”

In Caleb’s hand rests a mixed assortment of fruity candies that he and you were obsessed with. It was routine for him to buy a new one when you were on your last few and on too many days of every summer, you would go to your favorite park to share them.

You’d sit under a tree with the best shade, and eat so many that the thought of doing it now made you cringe.

The tin can alone holds so much nostalgia that you’re certain tasting the candy itself will hold just as much weight.

“Of course I remember.” He twists the top open, pulling off the thin paper that hides the goodies. “You used to love giving me the citrus ones because of how much you hated sour things.”

You reach down and into the mix, plucking a yellow lemon one out and holding it to his mouth. When he gives you just enough room to slide it past his lips, he lightly gasps as all the memories of you flash in his mind briefly like a movie when the tangy flavor bursts along his tongue.

“Good?” you ask and he nods. “And what if I said how much I thoroughly enjoy sour things now?”

“I’d say,” the candy gently clatters against his teeth as he moves it around with his tongue. He sees the mischief in your eyes, his heart pumping rapidly. “That it’s in your best interest to show your birthday boy how much.”

You lick your lips, leaning down to reach his wet ones. The first thing you taste is that tart zest, your eyes closing the more you succumb to the way it mingles with Caleb’s own unique flavor. Insitinctivly, your hips start to grind in your efforts to be closer to him, causing his cock to throb even more as it feels your warmth calling to him despite the few layers of clothing that separate you.

His hand comes up to your face so that he can deepen the kiss, the sweet treats in his other growing irrelevant as you become the only thing he wants to savor. You moan into his mouth while rocking your hips and swiftly, Caleb pushes the candy into your own.

You welcome the warm treat that’s covered in his saliva, sighing in delight. The candy is already at its end, so instead of letting it be the only one you’ll taste, you grab another that’s orange flavored and place it on your tongue.

“You gonna let me taste it?” he kisses down your neck.

“I’m not stopping you.”

Challenging a man like him is always so blissfully dangerous. His lips are back on yours, making you exchange the flavor together again. He grows impatient with not being able to feel you the way he wants and it’s a mutual disdain as you claw at his shirt in an effort to have some sort of skin-to-skin.

“This is cute,” he exhales as he peppers kisses along your jaw. “But I think I need to fuck you before my birthday’s over, yeah?”

“Yes,” you push out, frantically tugging on his belt at the same time that he moves your dress out of the way so he’s able to push your panties to the side.

You hold your bottom lip between your teeth as the candy dissolves on your tongue, gawking at his hardness once you have him in your hand. It creams so prettily when you pump him a few times to watch his precum seep out of the flushed tip.

There’s no playfulness or teasing, feeling his grip on your hips tighten when you raise them to be able to slip him inside. You look into each other’s eyes when his cock head rests right at your hole where you hold him before you begin to lower yourself.

Your mouth falls open, making your intoxicating fruity breath wisp across his face. He sharply inhales through his teeth as he watches how he disappears inside of you before catching your lips again the closer he gets to being fully seated in your warmth.

You don’t need time to adjust, ready to feel him moving inside of you already. When you start to gain your rhythm, kissing your boyfriend like your life depends on it, he snatches the candy from your mouth to taste it for himself.

You whimper at how snuggly he glides along your velvet walls, his dick hitting that sweet spot that makes you drunk every time he kisses it so tenderly.

“F-fuck Caleb…” you choke, increasing your momentum. “You’re so deep…”

“Yeah?” he admires the way your hungry clit grinds against him desperately when you rise and fall. “You feel me?”

“I do,” you mewl before he brings you close to slip the soaked candy back into your mouth. The generous amount of his spit that spills inside makes you clench around him over and over as it mixes with yours to slide down your throat. Not all of it made it though, some falling down your chin and gliding down the valley between your breasts.

“You make my birthday so special, pipsqueak,” he groans as your nails dig into his shoulders. “You’re so good to me…so fucking perfect…”

You wish you were completely naked so that you could be even closer to him, but the candy that you’ve shared and his cock nestled inside of you definitely suffices.

“Caleb, baby…I’m c-close, ‘m gonna come…” Your thighs burn so much, but the pain fusing with the pain is electrifying.

“Put another candy in your mouth first, pips. Let’s taste one more together before I fill you with my cum.”

You shakily reach over to the grab another one, never having noticed that its contents spilled onto to the couch and carpet. You snag an orange-red candy dusted in white powder, letting the flavor come to life before sticking your tongue in Caleb’s mouth again.

Back and forth, the confection is shared between you and him while his hands go beneath your dress to take two healthy handfuls of your ass. The strings of spit make a mess on your faces, but it’s that mess and that drives you over the edge.

His cock being stimulated by the rough fabric of your panties grinding against him every time you move has his balls tightening and just as close to crashing as you are. He kitten licks your flushed lips to get a good taste of the grapefruit, holding you by the back of your neck to keep you clinging to him.

With a few more thrusts up, you cry his name as thick hot ropes of his cum juts inside of you. Your slick covers his cock at the same time that your orgasm forces you to slow down from the overstimulation until you can no longer move.

Your thighs shake and quiver when you rest, feeling that numbness you’ve grown to appreciate after you’ve had him like this.

Breathing heavily, Caleb smiles as he kisses you intensely. You rest your forehead on his, feeling him softening inside of you.

“I love you, so much…” His flushed cheeks, disheveled hair, and saliva coated chin is a sight so perfect that it makes you wish you could take a picture. You’ll have to settle for committing him just like this to memory instead.

“I love you, most. Happy birthday, my love.”

A/N: I need this so bad…It’s not even funny.

Tags 🏷️: @innergardentoadpony @teacupwaifu @mcdepressed290 @calebapplepie @xcelfer @honeymoonfleur @obeythebutler @ajyoursgirl @notsurewhattocallthisblog8888 @honeycrispangels @dummiebunny @sucre-princesse @brailsthesmolgurl @klossnite @grlyeetswrld @beesin03 @dramaticalsachan @moonchildjae00 @asiatic-apple @callads7 @caien @stargirlygirl @multisstuff @littledarlingsthings @purpleamethyst25 @lazygelpen @floatinginaer @meadowinthesky @floatinginaer @grackerzzz @nod4mnm3rcyy @loveinorion @ur-l0cal-crypt1d @inutrasha94 @cowaungabungabby @gravity-pilot @nyanahogini @rosiesluv @goochfiddler99 @torturedbabyapple @kiyadeleine @carcelswaifu @blushofeve @whattnanii @hislily00 @asiaticapple

[erinwantstowrite]

More in-depth thoughts on making the switch to csp? I’ve been debating it for a good while now and would love a secondary opinion! Also thoughts on having to use new brushes after the switch? <3

I'd been using krita since 2012, so it felt like i'd be cheating on it if i switched to csp. I think it was a combination of the fact that i know krita very well by now, plus i had made a whole bunch of pens on there and i'm pretty sure i can't bring them with me to csp, etc. oh and also the fact that krita is free. That was major for me, because i grew up without a lot of money and so i learned to work around getting expensive art supplies and such

However... Csp is totally worth it. It's been a process figuring out the set up and configurations, because it's not as simplified as krita (though krita has these same tools, some of them are different in either program. Some things are just two clicks in krita, and take longer in csp, while other things are a fifteen step process and krita, and csp already has an entire docker there waiting for you). But it's not too hard and it's fairly easy to look up anything i have questions about. They would be tied when it comes to set up, if not for the fact that csp has set ups ready to go for comics that feels a lot easier to work with. So that's win 1 for csp

Win 2 for csp was the brushes and stamps, etc that are on there. It takes a lot of getting used to, and i'm not a fan of the stabilization so far (not exactly sure if there is another option yet, but from what i can tell, individual brushes have stabilization options. Not bad, until i struggle to find an overall stabilization option, if there is one). In krita you can just hit "E" and it will turn whatever brush you're using into an eraser with the same texture and settings as the brush, and pressing "E" again turns it back. But in csp, erasers are limited and i don't like them very much.

But!! Texture,,, i'm a big fan of the everything else about the brushes. it kind of feels like working with actual physical materials (as much as it can). Watercolor mixes and acts like it's on real paper, etc etc. i'm really liking the pens that i found (because in csp, you really should be using the assets page to find brushes, or look up tutorials to make your own, but the default brushes are still amazing if you don't want to adventure out!). Krita is very limited on these. Csp sort of gives the effect of physical media and texture, whereas krita always has a digital look to it. If that makes sense? I'm not saying csp doesn't look digital, but it just has way more of that oomph that i've been wanting for my art for years now

All in all, i can say that i still recommend Krita, especially for beginners, and especially for people who can't afford to spend money on a program. It's still a VERY good place to draw and i'll likely still use it. It's a great starter and honestly, you don't have to make a change if you like it. But csp is also very much worth the money and you won't regret it

[that-ghost-pal]

My TAU Bookbinding Frenzy

So I’ve gotten really really into bookbinding recently (well, sort of, I’ll explain in a second), and I keep forgetting to share what I’ve been doing, So allow me to rectify that.

BEHOLD!! The Six (6) TAU fics I have bound and printed!

(This ended up being really long so, more details under the cut)

This printing journey actually started months ago, some time last year when I printed these three, No Rest for the Automotive by Feneris, So you Want to be a Demonologist by Dementor_ssc, and the first six oneshots (collated into one) from the Bentley Farkas and Friends series by @skia-oura.

For these three I used the Hardcover Case Bound Book tutorial by Sea Lemon alongside other related tutorials by her. Her videos were very useful throughout all of this so I highly recommend checking out her channel if you’re interested in doing all this yourself. I also initially used a tutorial on tumblr to get the formatting looking nice, but that has since been lost to the aether, so for most of them I just mucked around on Word until I thought they looked nice and professional. I did also use Jess Less’ tutorial on binding fanfiction specifically to help with figuring out how to print these books.

For my very first attempt at binding I wanted to start with something small, that would let me get a feel for the techniques without risking wasting a whole bunch of materials by making some kind of mistake so I chose No Rest for the Automotive by Feneris as it’s one of my favourite shorter fics.

For the cover I used some coloured card that I stitched to the binding, which I’m sure I would have used a tutorial for, but this was done a while ago and I’m not sure which it would have been. This ended up with 28 pages, including an appendix with the author notes at the end, which I did for all of these.

The second book I printed was So You Want to be a Demonologist by Dementor_ssc, because of course it was. It was one of the first fics I read for this AU and I feel fairly confident in saying it’s the most popular in the fandom (and rightfully so, it’s incredible). @gnomewithalaptop also printed it, which was very cool to see, (and she had a significantly cooler cover than my copy but ah well).

Following Sea Lemon’s tutorial I got as far as glueing the spine together getting a complete text block (I think that’s the right term, idk I can’t be bothered checking haha) and making a haphazard attempt at making the hard cover, but that involved a lot of glue, and waiting for glue to dry, which sadly absolutely ruined my motivation to properly finish this project. But even still I now have a physical copy of one of my favourite fics, and it might not have a pretty cover but I still think it’s neat. This ended up having 191 pages :)

I ran out of image space so check out the reblogs for the rest of it!

[letomills]

Elaboration on my past shameful cc hair practices (I have learned the error of my ways)

Context over there. This here post is an answer to an inquiry by @sillysoraya.

This whole time since I started trying my hand at Sims 2 cc hair recoloring/retexturing, this had been my process: find recolors by a creator whose textures I want to use as a base, export said textures from their recolors via simPE, modify and/or recolor them in GIMP, then make fresh recolor files in bodyshop, reimport them immediately, close bodyshop, promptly delete everything that was generated in the Projects folder, take the new recolor files out of the SavedSims folder, and put my edited textures onto my them by building DTX in simPE.

When I say “textures”, I mean textures that look like this, you know, the ones you see in simPE with the transparent background:

[↑ that's evannamari's DBrown retexture of Newsea Miles Away]

That's how I do it for clothing, so why wouldn't it work for hair, I told myself naively in my immense hubris.

Well turns out there's a reason why the tutorials (such as this one by DeeDee) tell you to apply the textures not in simPE but in bodyshop. You’re supposed to put your textures in the Project folder - this kind of texture, that covers more than just the alpha:

[↑ the texture on the left / the alpha on the right ↑]

And only then you reimport and let bodyshop do its thing. The alpha will do its job carving out the texture properly (or whatever kind of sorcery happens in there).

Because if you give your recolors the already alpha’d out textures with the transparent background, what I believe happens is as the transparent background gets floodfilled with black during bodyshop’s file creation process, all the parts of the texture that had some wispy half-transparent hairs on them now have a layer of black underneath. Or at least what I know for sure is that those wipsy sections don't turn out looking nice but weirdly wire-y, especially on light recolors. Many hairs don’t have wispy strands and therefore are very forgiving (which is why I didn’t see a problem when I did the Rosesims hairs for example) but others have plenty of them, like the Newsea hairs. On those, it makes a clear difference. In game, it shows most as you zoom out, for instance in CAS from a face close-up view to a full-body view. It’s the same principle as this seam problem I had a while ago (and several times since), with clothing texture that was floodfilled with white too close to the borders of the texture mapping. When you zoomed out, the white would start showing.

Anyway, this is definitely stuff that creators in the community have known for 20 years and it’s 100% my fault for not following a hair tutorial and instead relying on prior knowledge of clothing-making that turned out not to be applicable 1:1.

I’m sure I still have a lot to learn on hair retexturing even after figuring this out. I was working on Newsea Yesenia when I had the realization that I was doing things wrong, but before I upload anything else, I’m gonna go back and look at all of the hairs I’ve done so far, fix them up when needed, learn more. Fortunately I think all of the Fakeblood gender conversions are fine but I’ll check and get back to you on that, there’s something I need to investigate. Edit: yes, all the gender conversions and copy-pasta of other people's unedited textures are completely fine, thank god.

Seems like as long as the texture didn't go through GIMP's import-export, it's fine, even if I didn't apply it via the Projects folder.

[rosesradio]

life update

so i don’t want to share too much, i’ve become a bit more private lately and there are definitely pros and cons to that, though i thought i would go ahead and share what’s been going on now & in the future to sort of explain how the frequency of me being online might change.

i recently graduated with my bachelor’s degree—and while i know i worked hard for it i also can’t help but feel as though it’s not that important in today’s world. my parent’s generation is able to support a family of multiple kids with a middle class lifestyle on the jobs they landed after their associates, meanwhile most of my master’s-degree-obtaining peers struggle to find a job that makes ends meet. i can’t help but feel as though a bachelor’s degree has all the significance today as a high school diploma—an accomplishment that, while admirable, is seen as “what you should be doing”. instead of pride, my heart is full of indifference and slight relief.

and so, the next stage is to get a master’s degree (in library science…a field that is surely Not Hard to get into At All…). i am going online at [redacted] university, so i can take my classes anywhere. my sister, meanwhile, just landed her first full time job in which she can support herself in a small town an hour away. we’ve talked through everything that moving out entails, and ultimately decided that this would be something that we would like to try together.

so i’m moving out.

it’s a little scary (very scary) to even type those words, and although i don’t feel 100% ready, i think this will be a great opportunity for both of us. i’ll still be working part time through the summer and grad school (i wanted to work full time to contribute more, though my family advised against it, so i’ll probably work the heavier end of part time), though i’ll still learn a great deal about budgeting, cooking, cleaning, and generally maintaining “my own” living space, all while my childhood home is an hour away.

i really like the town were moving to, we have family there that can help us when we need it, it’s a peaceful small town where everything is a five minute drive away from each other (it’ll be nice to run 4 errands in half an hour versus it being an all day affair in my town of [redacted], where the population boomed far more than it can handle). we looked at the apartment we’d wanted yesterday and agreed that it was the right place, just a walk away from restaurants we wouldn’t be able to afford to eat at lol (not to mention other nice sights and a nature walk, etc). now i have to find a part time job that pays somewhat decent and is hopefully not in food or retail, though i’ll also be open to wherever the money is, even if the job isn’t ideal.

i’m scared to quit my job. i’ve had some really great days there with the right manager, though when the rude and demeaning ones are working i’ve found it to be a very dehumanizing experience. i suppose that’s every job, though. i’m scared to leave my childhood home and the family dogs and everything i like about where i live. while there are some annoyances to living at home (lack of privacy sometimes, being called for random tasks in the middle of other tasks, etc), i do like living at home for the most part and just don’t like the town.

even so, i feel like this is the right move to make. it’s like a tutorial run on how to live on my own. i think i’ll be happy. also, no promises, but hiding my fic from one person is easier than hiding it from multiple people. i think that in my own space with more free time, i might be able to write more. especially if i’m not stuck in traffic.

that’s all i have for now, and boy did i ramble for quite a bit. now i have to go through my things and get rid of things, etc (like figuring out which clothes don’t fit me anymore, which will surely not impact my self esteem in any way). i know i have followers of all ages, so to any of my older friends who live on their own, any advice is greatly appreciated.

thank y’all for listening and understanding 💌

[herbie-cat]

a short tutorial on writing majima-speak

So ya wanna learn how to write Majima-speak, eh? Well, I gotta say, you’ve come to the right place. Or maybe the only place? Dunno how many tutorials’re out there fer this shit. Anyway, sit yer ass down and I’ll give ya the scoop on how to write yer favorite fun guy from Kansai.

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a fluent Japanese speaker. These are all the opinions/observations of an American whose only exposure to the Japanese culture and language has been through anime and video games. I have done my best to research all of these observations before just shoving them into this document, but I probably will make mistakes. Any actual Japanese speakers, please correct me. This isn’t supposed to be an educational guide on the nuances of Kansai-ben. This is only a general tutorial on how to portray the Kansai dialect in English writing.

What is Kansai-ben?

Kansai-ben (or Kansai dialect) is a Japanese dialect primarily spoken in the Kansai region of Japan. Pretty straightforward. Our good friend Majima Goro speaks a version of Kansai-ben that I lovingly refer to as Majima-speak. This is because he doesn’t speak true Kansai dialect—it’s a wobbly mix of Kansai and Tokyo (“standard”) that incorporates elements of both. Ugaki Hidenari, Majima’s voice actor, is from Tokyo himself, and doesn’t speak Kansai-ben natively. However, Majima has a lot of quirky Kansai-isms in his speech that make him stand out from other characters.

Therefore, the focus on writing Majima’s dialogue doesn’t have to be accuracy. We aren’t shooting for a 1:1 translation of Kansai to English, because: 1) that doesn’t exist, and 2) he doesn’t speak perfect Kansai anyway. The point is, we’ve got flexibility.

What makes Majima-speak different from regular Japanese?

There are a lot of cultural and historical nuances that I won’t get into, but in modern Japan, the Kansai dialect is perceived as more comedic or casual than standard Japanese. This is reflected in Sega’s localization of Majima’s voice lines: his are rougher, more crass, and generally funnier than other characters’ lines. If you end up taking nothing else from this guide, at least think rough, crass, and funny when writing Majima. It’s a good place to start.

So how do I write Majima-speak?

There are three tips that I keep in mind while I’m writing dialogue for Majima:

Make sure his lines show more emotion than other characters’ lines.

Use shortcuts wherever possible.

Don’t be afraid to get silly with it.

Let’s elaborate on these tips, shall we?

Make sure Majima’s lines show more emotion than other characters’ lines.

I’d like to use Kiryu as an example here, because he’s by far one of the stiffest-speaking characters in the series. For lack of a better term, Kiryu’s lines are prosaic—they sound more like they were written in a book than spoken by a person. Here’s an excerpt from Kiryu and Majima’s first scene together in Yakuza 2, edited for brevity. Pretend you don’t know what this scene looks like and focus on just the text.

Kiryu: It’s Kiryu. Anybody home? I know you’re here…Show yourself. Majima: It’s been too long…Kiryu-chan! You got any idea how lonely I’ve been since ya got outta the game last year? Oh, but I knew my Kiryu-chan would come home sooner or later! Kiryu: It’s been awhile, Majima-no-niisan. Majima: So, what brings ya here? Kiryu: The Tojo Clan…needs you. Majima: For fuck’s sake…What’s this BS now?! You’re a shitty comedian, Kiryu-chan. Kiryu: I’m serious. The Tojo Clan has never needed you more than now. Please.  Majima: No fuckin’ way. Kiryu: Please. Majima: You’re killin’ me, Kiryu-chan! I can’t stand seein’ ya like this! Kiryu: Please, Majima-no-niisan…the Tojo Clan is as good as dead without the Majima Family. Please!

Notice how Majima’s lines are much longer than Kiryu’s and noticeably sound like an actual person said them because they’re more casual. Kiryu basically repeats “please” three times, but each time Majima’s response is different. You’re able to tell that Majima’s incredulous, then annoyed, then upset at Kiryu’s request by the way he adds extra dialogue every time he says “no.” By contrast, you’re not really able to tell how desperate Kiryu is until he starts begging. The main disadvantage with writing is that you’re not able to convey images as clearly through text, so it requires more work to make a character’s emotions show through their dialogue. Majima’s lines are all about emotion, whether it’s real or exaggerated, so make sure the reader is able to tell how he’s feeling without seeing his face.

Use shortcuts whenever possible.

While conveying a character’s emotions through their speech often requires writing longer lines, this does not mean you should waste space or over-explain. The way you can balance this need for emotion with the need for casual dialogue is by using slang and condensing phrases.

English-speakers do this all the time in common conversation. We use contractions (I am = I’m), smash together words (What are you doing? = What’cha doin’?”), and add slang/idioms (“The hour grows late; I shall soon retire” = “It’s getting late, I’m gonna hit the hay”). The key to writing Majima-speak is to use every shortcut possible and then some.

If it’s hard to come up with dialogue on the spot, try thinking about how a guy like Kiryu would say a particular line. Let’s use the example of: “You always were the one guy I couldn’t read.” Then, think about what shortcuts you could potentially make to this sentence. It’s not much, but this sentence could be cut down to: “Y’always were the one guy I couldn’t read.” Doesn’t that already sound more like Majima said it?

Then, add some more emotion to this sentence: “Y’always were the one fucker I could never getta read on.” It sounds affectionate or aggressive, depending on how you spin it. And there you go! We just Majima-modified (Majimodified?) a Kiryu line. With the power of slang and shortcuts, you too can turn regular dialogue into Majima classics.

Don’t be afraid to get silly with it.

Majima’s a silly guy, so of course he’s gonna have his silly moments. The RGG localization team knows this and takes creative liberties to give Majima’s dialogue more life. My favorite example of silliness in translating Majima’s lines to English is this specific line from Yakuza 2:

Majima says: “Doya, Kiryu-chan? Kakko ee yaro?” Which literally translates to something like: “How’s that, Kiryu-chan? I look cool, right?” This line is dripping with Kansai-ben.

But the localization team chose to translate it as “Whaddya think, Kiryu-chan? Ain’t I red-hot?” Which I love. It conveys so much more about Majima’s character in the same amount of words and even adds some more context from the scene itself. They make a pun on “red-hot,” and while “cool” would’ve worked too, this would have made less sense. The point is, don’t be afraid to get wild with it. If it sounds cooler, is probably is. 

Finally, here’s a few miscellaneous quirks of Majima-speak and pointers that can help you get that much closer to imitating Majima’s style of speech.

Majima rarely uses “you” pronouns, instead preferring to use nicknames and titles like Kiryu-chan, nee-chan, oyaji, etc. This can be substituted for girlie, kiddo, buddy, idiot, etc. 

Don’t replace all the “you”s and “your"s in a sentence with “ya”s and “yer”s. It gets difficult to read if you abuse them.

Majima loves to swear. But again, don’t use them too liberally or you’ll sound like a 12-year-old who just learned what “fuck” means.

Goromi’s speech is a bit more cutesy than Goro’s, but she flips between masculine and feminine pronouns. For the purposes of writing Goromi that’s not terribly important, but keep in mind that she’ll frequently switch between masculine and feminine speaking patterns.

Don’t try to imitate Southern American English (if you aren't familiar with that dialect). I also wouldn't try it in general, but if it helps, it helps.

Edited to add: it's ultimately up to you to decide when/if Majima drops his accent. Personally I reserve it for when he's so emotionally vulnerable he can't keep it up, or when he's being so serious about something he just won't use it.

As a bonus, here is a brief glossary of Kansai-isms that I’ve noticed Majima using, with some examples of their use in context and some suggested translations. Most of these examples are pulled from Yakuza Kiwami 1 and 2, since that’s when he has the most speaking lines and has fully settled into his Mad Dog persona.

Ahō (idiot) = dumbass, bonehead

“Nishida, ya dumbass!”

Beppin (pretty) = stunner, knockout

“Well ain’t ya a rare dish?”

Honma (really) = damn, for real

“For real?! Who are you and what have you done with Kiryu-chan?”

-han (-san)

“Well, now it’s your turn, Legendary Info Dealer-han.”

Akan (not good/must) = gotta be, better not

“That’s why he’s gotta be strong.”

Uchi* (I) = ol’ Goromi, li’l ol’ me

“Just don’t fall too hard for me, okay?”

Ee (good/cool) = badass

“Ain’t I red-hot?”

Ikude (let’s go) = let’s do this shit

“Let’s do this, Kiryu-chan!”

Suman (sorry) = my bad

“This is my bad, Kiryu-chan.”

Anta (you, polite) = ya

“Y’know, up close…you’re pretty damn hot.”

Haw (not really a Kansai-ism but he does like it a lot)

“Haw?”

Nanyatte (what) = what the fuck

“Say what?”

Chau (wrong) = bullshit

“That ain’t what I’m saying.”

Dondon (also not Kansai-ben but he likes this one too. Basically “loud noise”) = clobber, beat the shit outta ya, crack some skulls

“It’s way better if ya fight it out.”

*Uchi is a stereotypical feminine pronoun used in Kansai-ben. Only Goromi uses this one. She also tends to waffle between watashi/ore pronouns.

[writingwhimsey]

Married to The Enemy- Shingen Ch. 47

Chapter 47

It was the last day of the beach trip. There was a big party being held on the beach. It was an event for all of the houses along the beach. Everyone staying in them would be in attendance. There was going to be music and games and plenty of food. There was also going to be a bar set up for the adults and a makeshift dance floor.

“You seem to be rather excited, my love.” Shingen said as he pulled up his swim trunks.

I had just changed into my bikini and was tying a sarong around my hips. “Just excited to go to a party with you.” I replied, smiling at him. “I mean it’s not that often I’ve attended one of these parties and had the sexiest date.”

Shingen smiled warmly at me as he walked closer, his arms wrapping around me. “You say that, but I think I am the one with the sexiest date.” He said, warm lips brushing against my forehead.

I grinned at him. Shingen never ceased to make me feel so loved and treasured. I stretched up to press my lips to his. “I love you.”

Shingen smiled. “I love you, too.” He replied, pulling me closer for another kiss.

“As much as I enjoy being right here in your arms, we should finish getting ready.” I said after a moment.

“Allow me to help you finish then, my angel.” Shingen replied.

I was turning around then as Shingen reached for my brush and began to brush out my hair for me. His touch was always so gentle and loving each time he helped me with my hair. Once he had it brushed out, he was reaching for the claw-clip I had laid out and pulling it up for me, leaving my bangs and a piece on each side framing my face.

“Seriously, how are you so good at this?” I asked as I inspected my reflection.

Shingen chuckled. “I’ve been watching you enough…and maybe I’ve watched some of those…what are they online tutorials?”

I felt myself melting. I knew Shingen had been having Sasuke help him learn how to use his phone more…but to know he had done so, to watch hair styling videos? I mean how sweet can one man be?!

It was then I felt Shingen’s thumb brush the corner of my eye. “Why are you crying, my angel? What sin have I committed to upset you so?”

I was crying? Man, I didn’t even realize. I shook my head and smiled up at him. “I’m not upset…I’m crying because I’m happy.” I answered. “You’re just so sweet and wonderful.”

Shingen’s arms wrapped around me and he pulled me to his bare, broad chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head above his heart. “You are far too adorable.” He whispered to me.

We stayed like that for a moment while I collected myself. We finished getting ready and were then heading out of our room to meet Shoko and her family. “Are you guys ready?” Shoko asked, grinning.

“Yes.” I answered, smiling happily.

We all headed to the beach, which was setup almost like a festival. There were lanterns strung up. Kids were running around playing. “Mom, can we go?” Kaito asked.

“Yeah, we wanna play with the other kids.” Ren agreed.

Shoko smiled at her boys. “Of course, go have fun.” She answered.

“And make sure you play nice with the other kids.” Kenji added.

“We will! Thanks!” The boys shouted in unison before running off to go play with the other kids.

“Alright, kids are happily distracted for the rest of the festivities.” Shoko said. “Time for us to all cut loose now.”

The four of us walked around the party together. We played a few of the beach games that were set up before we decided we were hungry. We grabbed some food and took it to a little picnic area that had been set up for all party-goers.

“You know, I think we should go grab our lovely ladies something to drink.” Kenji said to Shingen.

“You might be right.” Shingen agreed.

“I’ll have a pina-colada.” Shoko told Kenji.

“I’d like a strawberry margarita, please.” I told Shingen.

“Anything you wish, my love.” Shingen replied, pecking me on the lips.

“We’ll be right back.” Kenji said, giving Shoko a peck on the cheek.

The two men were then getting up and heading to the bar to grab those drinks. Shoko was grinning at me. “So, how have you two been enjoying your beach trip?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

I giggled. “It has been wonderful. Thank you for inviting us out.”

“And you’ve been enjoying getting to see yous husband walking around shirtless a lot.” Shoko teased. “Pretty sure he’s been enjoying you in your bikini.”

I giggled again. “Well…yes. That why you and Kenji enjoy coming out here? So you have an excuse to see each other hal naked all the time?”

Shoko giggled. “Why of course. There is nothing better than a beach vacation.”

“Oh my gosh! Ava! Shoko!” A high-pitched voice called from behind. A voice I hadn’t heard in years…a voice I dreaded hearing.

“Please tell me…” I muttered looking at Shoko.”

“Ugh..I didn’t think she would be here.” Shoko replied. “What did we do to deserve this hell?”

Shoko and I both turned to see our worst nightmare. Akemi Nakamura…our high school nemesis. We both put on fake smiles. “Akemi…”

“I can’t believe I am seeing you two here.” Akemi said, coming up to us and sitting down with us. I hated to admit it…but she was still just as pretty now as she had been in school. Thick, long glossy hair. Perfect figure. Still a pretty face and bright smile that hid so much malice. “What brings you guys here?”

“Just enjoying the party.” Shoko answered.

“Oh yeah, you married Kenji Abe, so you’re staying at his family’s beach house right?” Akemi asked.

Shoko smiled. “Yup. Our boys really love staying here.”

Akemi turned to me. “Guessing they invited you? You’d never be able to stay at a private beach house without them.”

Akemi…always had to rub it in my face that she was from a rich family and I wasn’t. Shoko’s family wasn’t poor, but they weren’t rich either. But they had lived comfortably. Kenji’s family… well they were a different story, but they hadn’t always been so well off and unlike Akemi’s family they remembered that and were kind to everyone.

“I invited Ava because she’s my friend.” Shoko said.

“Of course.” Akemi replied, waving her hand dismissively. She then looked at me. “So, how have you been? I heard you had moved away to become a fashion designer. How’s that working out?”

Every question from Akemi was always a dig. She put on a nice smile and pretended to be your friend, but it was always so she could get dirt on you. “Good. I may not be famous, but I get plenty of work doing custom pieces for a select clientele.” I answered. I wouldn’t let her get to me. I wasn’t the same girl I was in high school. I had been to war and lived with the freaking Devil King!

“Oh? That sounds interesting.” Akemi replied. “Do any pieces for anyone big I would know?”

If you had paid attention in school…yeah you would know their names. I thought. I shook my head. “Not likely.”

“Well, maybe I could commission some work from you.” Akemi said. “If you can come up with something worthy of me, I could wear it and show it off. I bet I could get you some big names.”

“Ava is quite busy.” Shoko said. “I barely even got her to agree to come on this weekend trip. I’ve seen her waiting list. It’s kilometers long.”

I smiled at Shoko. She had always had my back when it came to Akemi and her little digs.

“Well, I am merely wanting to help out an old friend.” Akemi replied. “You know my family has always run in some pretty important social circles.”

Ugh, if only we could get her to go away. I’d been honestly having a wonderful time until she showed up. I’d also like for her to be gone before Shingen got back. She had a way of making me feel so insecure and I really didn’t want Shingen to see me like that…at least not again.

Shingen and Kenji…

Shingen and Kenji stood at the bar that had been set up, waiting their turn to order drinks. Shingen couldn’t help but to watch the bartenders as they made the drinks. Things had certainly changed over the last five hundred years. But they had also remained the same in some ways.

“So, what do you think you’ll order for yourself?” Kenji asked. “I’m partial to a simple beer myself.”

“I’m usually a sake drinker.” Shingen answered. Granted that’s because it was the alcohol most available in his time. Though he had heard of some other drinks in the port cities of the Sengoku. Imports, but they weren’t as plentiful as they were now.

“Classic.” Kenji replied. “There’s a place that makes a really good sake in the city. It’s also a restaurant. Maybe you and Ava should join me and Shoko sometime for dinner there. A double date. You know, just while you guys are in town. I know Shoko has been really happy to see Ava.”

Shingen smiled. He had a feeling Ava would like this. “Sounds good.” He agreed.

It was soon their turn in line and the men placed their orders. They chatted a bit more while they waited for the drinks to be made. Once the bartender had finished, he handed them the drinks and then moved on to the next person in line.

Shingen and Kenji walked back to the picnic area, where their wives were waiting. They were both surprised when they noticed another woman sitting on the blanket with them. Shingen could tell even from this distance by the tense set of Ava’s shoulders, that something was wrong. He could see her face and saw a strained smile that didn’t quite reach her beautiful green eyes.

“Uh-oh.” Kenji said, confirming Shingen’s fears.

“What is it?” Shingen asked.

“That other woman over there…that’s Akemi Nakamura.” Kenji answered. “She’s one of those people who sees herself as above everyone else just because her family comes from money… and for whatever reason she’s always been especially mean to Shoko and Ava…more Ava than Shoko.”

Shingen frowned. “That’s not good.” He instantly didn’t like this woman. Anyone who upset his beloved was a terrible human in his book.

“No.” Kenji agreed. “She pretended to be nice. Pretended to be their friend just so she could dig up dirt on them and use it against them. Everything she says is a thinly veiled insult. She used to find out who Ava and Shoko liked, just so she could make that guy her next boyfriend and rub it in their faces.”

“That’s terrible.” Shingen said. Granted, the pretending to be a friend thing was kind of what Shingen’s spy network did…but it was also a different time and still not quite the same thing. Shingen didn’t like that this woman had clearly hurt his wife. “We’d better go to their rescue then.”

“Agreed.” Kenji replied with a nod. I won’t let anyone hurt you, Ava. Shingen thought as he made his way towards his wife. And he knew exactly what to do in order to make her feel safe and happy even when faced with something like this.

Taglist: @limonzu @zulablaise @oda-princess @kisara-16 @tele86 @lovely-bubb1es @lucyw260 @selenacosmic

@bjorkshire-pudding @eventinelysplayground might want to get some more popcorn ready :)

[joe-spookyy]

Any tips on how to cosplay Undead Jack Goodman

( context plan on going to a Halloween party as him )

actually yes!!! i’ve gone through a fair bit of trial and error on this one so let me give you some tips!!

here’s how i did it.

so. first. the makeup.

you will need

- cotton balls/pads

- liquid latex

- scar wax (optional)

- paper towel tube

- tissues

- red base makeup

- eyeliner pencil of some sort

- fake blood

- black/brown/yellow/purple makeup

so, first, you’re going to want to block out the shape of the injury. i usually just draw it out with the eyeliner pencil (using a reference of course). you’re going to want to go all the way down your neck to the collar of your shirt and as far back to where your hair falls on your neck. if your hair doesn’t hit your neck well. then follow your heart. then, you’ll follow the guidelines you’ve put down with cotton and liquid latex to make it raised. you’ll want to tear up the cotton balls/pads and roll them into thin strips with your fingers. you can make them as long or as short as you want. i usually make them pretty short though, so it’s easier to make sure they follow the lines. once you’ve rolled them, you can place liquid latex over your guideline, and then stick the strip on. if that doesn’t make sense, check out my video tutorial and also the one i attached at the end. then, once you have that, you can start adding texture. i usually put one piece of scar wax on the side of my cheek like here. it should look somewhat like this (but with stuff on your neck too.) this is also the stage where i start attaching little pieces of tissue in shreds to my face with liquid latex to simulate the little floppy pieces of skin that hang off.

next, you can add the fake windpipe! for this, i cut a toilet paper tube in half and then adjust the size until it fits comfortably over my throat. you can attach it with liquid latex, then cover it with another piece of tissue to make it a little more seamless and use liquid latex again to hold it down.

now, you have to go in with the color. start with a red base, then add yellow and black highlights, with a little bit of purple if you’re feeling bold. but don’t use too much purple. then, go absolutely insane with the fake blood. the most important thing is to respect the lines you made before, cause in the movie all the wounds are isolated to one side of his face.

to modify this for the later stages of decay you’d want to use a green base for the rest of your face and use less red and more of the darker colors in the wounds. you could create texture on the rest of your face with liquid latex i think to sort of simulate the shriveled look but i’m not super sure - i haven’t tried anything past the initial fresh hospital look. i’d look up a few zombie makeup tutorials and see if you can figure anything else out!

i based all of mine off of this tutorial, so it might be a helpful watch if you’re confused at all.

next, the coat. i really wanted the blood to look fresh, so i had kind of a hard time finding fake blood that would work. most of it dries and soaks into fabric, and since the green coat is dark, it just ends up kinda looking like it’s been stained with an unidentified liquid. so i decided to make my own. i mixed gelatin powder, water, and corn syrup with food coloring - mostly red, but a few drops of blue to get a darker more bloody nasty look. in terms of amount, you just kind of have to follow your heart. then, i poured a little over the shoulder, let it drip, then laid it down and did some spot treatment and made sure the coverage was even and there was enough. i’d recommend doing this maybe two nights before you’re going to need the costume - it takes a while to dry but if you let it dry for too long it’ll start to crack when you move. however, it’s the only way i’ve figured out to keep the blood looking fresh. if you want, you can also cut holes in the coat in some places to match how it is in the movie, but i’ve found it honestly doesn’t need it.

then you’re pretty much set! get some dark jeans and hiking boots and boom. you’re jack. would love to see how your costume turns out!

[abraxo-official]

New Vegas thoguhnts (so far)

- I don't know why Doc Michell is giving me a psych evaluation but I trust him

- sunny smiles is just *chefs kiss*. A lesvian and her dog should be the tutorial standard

- poison damage is so, so much worse. Can the air stop killing me.

- the hate people give victor….. Tbh half of goodsprings would have a field day if they found out about synths

- the karma system is giving me LIFE. I want to be judged this harshly in all games tbh

- low poly bisexuality my beloved

- once again, going for a melee build because guns scare me

- how was I able to clear prim with just a machete and the 29 NCR guys across the street just….couldn't???

- I cannot take vulpes seriously. What type of accent is that???? How does he sound and look like a middle schooler while simultaneously being 40???? He is a mystery not made for us mortals to comprehend

- accidentally got jumpscared by Boone’s voice. I can now understand why y'all are attracted to that man

- couldn't figure out how to negotiate with the khans so I just resorted to murder

- why is victor so obviously following me. And why are my only voice options rude to him? Let me be nice to the man that rescued me????

- Veronica!!! My baby!!

- Roni how are you killing person ome with a single punch. Are you ok.

- I do not know how to play caravan.

- I have learned that I also do not know how to play blackjack

- Mr. House making you pay the literal eqivilent of a down payment on a house just to enter new Vegas is so in character that I'm not even mad

- Fisto quest: acquired

- No one told me that the followers are just?? Right in the middle of freeside??? I was so sure they were out in the desert randomly?

- The kings hate my autistic rizz and lack of personal space

- NCR money is so funny to me. Equivalent of when the US just started to try and print more money to save the economy during the thirties. Go girl give us nothing lmao

- yeah ok securitrons are hot I get it now

- the voice acting is truly just. Wow. Makes or breaks that character. Perfect. The amount of psychic damage I get is enough to kill a man. No notes

- slightly unrelated but there is a really old style Coca-Cola truck parked outside the restaurant I live next to and its giving such nuka cola vibes I can't even

- found the little bitch lady that sold me a room and also boones wife. I’ve never hated an old video game lady more than her.

- again, why does access to Vegas cost as much as a house in diamond city????

- what in the goddamn?

- why are the Benny sex dioloauge options like that. It doesn’t matter who’s playing this they would not fucking say that

- Six writing in her pip-boy: Dear Diary, I smothered a man in his sleep today

- Dear diary, I also met a autistic robot who wants me to continue the work of the the guy I just fucked to death

- VULPES JUMPSCARE!!!!

- why does he wear a hat like that?? It’s supposed to go on your head, not ominously hover above it??

- oh yay the NCR wants me too

- Mr house does not sound like how I expected him to

- oh fuck the police have missiles now

- Mr house giving me a whole ass mention and then telling me I can fill it up with my little gay friends is the most in character shit I’ve ever seen. Get this man a pride flag.

- Roni I love you but why did you just imply that victor was also created to be a sexbot for Mr house?????

- I fucking hate the feinds

- why are the gun runners charging me egg prices for a ripper??

- I. Have been searching. For 3 days. To find fisto. The map keeps leading me into random corners of freeside. What.

- I’m so great at hiring prostitutes

- ima take so many pictures for the autism sign man

- followers of the apocalypse save me followers of the apocalypse

opinions on factions so far:

- Mr house is a selfish little weirdo

- Caesar >:(

- NCR seems like their trying to help but are really fucking confused about everything

- yes man???? I need more yes man???

- brotherhood are ok. Just there. Chilling.

- followers are the best. If I wasn’t playing as a woman I’d marry you arcade

- the kings are exactly as you would expect. Such silly goofy guys.

- powder gangers >:(

- great khans seem cool. Got to have the drug dealers on your side.

- theres too much drama between caravan companies. It’s giving the Industrial Revolution. To me.

[melancholy-marionette]

Hi! How are you today?

You've likely already been asked this, but what do you use to make visual novels? How did you learn to do it? All the ones you make are so cool!!! 💖

Heya! I would say 'tired' is probably the main way I feel today xD I’ve been staying up until 4am again recently and forcing myself up again at 8:30am trying to make up for lost time on the jam that I’m currently taking part in with Lazy Polar Bear x3 (otome/josei jam)

We even tried our best to plan some stuff in advance so that we could have a chilled-out jam for once, but the world had other plans it seems, haha. We've both been hit by a fair bit of bad luck, so I’m pushing myself in the hope we’ll still be able to release a demo in time for the end of the jam. Energy drinks are very much my friend atm x3

I’m so sorry it’s taken me forever to answer anyhow! I’m still majorly behind on pretty much everything >.< so most of my replies are at snail speed, haha. It doesn’t help that my PC died at the end of April, and trying to get a new one has been a nightmare :( 

I knew it was on its way out for a while, so I’d been saving up + making sure to regularly backup data (thankfully, I don’t think I lost too much!) Managed to scrape together enough to get a new one, but when it was delivered, something was wrong with it >.< The first time I powered it on, there was a super loud scraping sound from a fan or something, and it threw up some BIOS error stuff instead of booting Windows.

I contacted the company, and they arranged to collect it & rebuild it for me, which took a while to do. Just had the rebuilt one delivered this week, but there’s still something not quite right about it :( It takes over 1 minute to boot up from pressing to power on (for reference, my PC that died was over 10 years old and booted up in about 10 seconds!) The 4th time I powered the new one on, it lit up inside, but never displayed anything. I gave it 5 minutes, but still nothing, so had to hit the reset button on the case.

Aaaand, one of the hard drives scans show it’s temperature is 68 degrees while the PC is idle, which doesn’t seem good >.< Neither does how hot the processor and graphics cards are showing on temperature readings when idle. As far as I can tell though, all the fans are working fine! 

Still in contact with support trying to find out what is going on :( Which is not what I need while trying to work on a jam project, haha.

Anyways, I’m so sorry for the giant ramble there!! To actually answer your question x3 I don’t think I’ve been asked it that much actually! Maybe only like once or twice :3 The first couple of VNs I made were made with Tyranobuilder cos that was the first thing I came across that seemed easy to use, and it was :D I did try Ren’Py first, but after completing a few tutorials and making a demo project, I hated having to do code stuff so much that I knew it would make me not want to make a full game if that was how I had to do it >.<

I got Tyranobuilder in a Humble Bundle years ago, and it claimed you could make VNs from scratch without writing a single line of code because it used a drag & drop system, so I figured I’d give it a shot! It definitely did what it said on the tin :3 I made my first-ever game with it (Solipsism Reigns) + another one after that (Impostor) before switching to something else. (well, there was also the CiQ demo too, but that's irrelevant now that the game is being made in Nani!)

I think I read a couple of basic tutorials for Tyrano, but it was honestly all really easy to get going with by just poking around in there and seeing what did what, haha.

Besides those first couple of games, everything else I’ve made has been using Naninovel in Unity. I’d say Nani took longer to get started with, but the tutorials are vast and very detailed, so that was a big help. I also managed to get it while it was on sale, so that was a relief since it’s quite expensive full price.

I switched for a couple of reasons. One being that the drag & drop system in Tyrano was fantastic for a beginner like me, but also quite slow, so once I’d grown a bit more confident with how things worked, I figured something like Naninovel with an easy-to-understand scripting language would probably allow me to work faster!

The other big reason was because of how buggy Tyrano seemed to be >.< There were a lot of issues in it that didn’t seem to be having fixes worked on by the software devs at the time (I believe they have since updated it though!) And it was just frustrating to discover there was the odd bug in my game that I couldn’t fix because it was caused by something in the software itself that I hadn’t even touched.

I’ve stuck with Naninovel because it’s definitely easy to use, has a tonne of brilliant guides, and the support on Discord has always been exceptional whenever I’ve needed help on how to do something :3 There’s still a lot about it that I don’t know how to use or little gripes I have with it here and there, but overall, I do prefer it to Tyrano. Nothing is ever gonna be perfect.

It does make collaborating difficult sometimes though because Ren’Py is still the most commonly used tool for making VNs I guess. So if you want to work with people to do code and stuff, and 1 only has knowledge of Ren’Py while the other only has knowledge of Nani’s scripting language and what Nani can do, it’s like you’re speaking two completely different languages when it comes to trying to understand each other x3

If I didn’t have to write code, I would probably use Ren’Py xD It’s just, while I still dislike having to type thousands of lines of Naniscript, I find it at least manageable without getting the world’s biggest headache, haha.

I’m glad that you think the stuff I make turns out cool though! :3 That means a lot ^-^ I always kinda feel like an impostor when it comes to everything I do in game dev just cos I never had any proper training or education >.< I guess a lot of VN devs are probably self-taught though! It is fun to figure things out yourself by trial and error, but I’m sure I must be doing heaps of stuff wrong xD or at least in ways that aren’t exactly the most efficient x3 I muddle through though :D 

Hope you are well + that May is turning out to be a marvellous month for you! Or at the very least, that you have had better luck than me lately, haha.

[ghostlehh]

The other day I went to ask Inari Ōkami some important questions about fully developing as a kitsune, she gave me some interesting answers and today I wanted to share with you all the process of essentially becoming a kitsune, from what I have been told by her and understand so far. (Unfortunately she doesn’t reveal much about how it actually works.)

This is going to be a long post but I will try to keep it short! 🦊

So what exactly is “becoming” a kitsune, especially if you are born bodily originally that of a human? Well, if you believe in anything spiritual, it’s essentially a spiritual transformation or process. Yes there are some physical aspects, which can’t exactly be “physical” in the material sense, but I will explain this here.

So basically you are originally given a human soul, or maybe a different type of soul, it’s whatever you believe in honestly. But you can change your soul into that of a kitsune if you really want to.

What you do is basically petition Inari Ōkami to transform your soul into a kitsune, whether that be through praying to them or giving them an offering, setting up a shrine for them, or all three. But keep in mind with this, your intentions should be to also have a relationship with Inari, not just use them to do whatever you want with your spiritual body.

After this, and if Inari accepts your prayer or offering etc., you might feel some changes like tiredness etc but it goes away in a couple of days. Then bam you’re now the lowest level ranking of Kitsune. Now you’re probably wondering, how do you develop as one and increase your ranking etc?

this is the part where having a relationship with Inari Ōkami comes in, because what she has told me was this: “in time, trust me” and your innate spiritual abilities is two of the main things. So what this means is essentially just trusting that Inari Ōkami will help you develop as a kitsune and focusing on your natural spiritual abilities.

Also, kinesis + elemental mastery is part of how you develop as a kitsune too is another thing she told me. Basically, becoming adept at using the elements whether it be in magic or energy work, and kinesis like telekinesis, geokinesis, hydrokinesis, all of the elements including space and time. I don’t know how space manipulation might work yet, but there are many kinesis tutorials on YouTube free to watch and learn from. Same goes with elemental magic and the like.

You could even incorporate your chakra into it if you believe in chakras anyhow. There are quite a few other kitsune I have seen who use their chakras to develop their tails. How exactly, I don’t know because no one was willing to share this information with me…

Also some other things that might be important for me to mention.

Some people may be able to see your real form, so be careful in case anyone may try to harm you because of this. Inari can also see your kitsune spirit at all times.

Kitsune also have 14 different rankings/tribes which I might try to describe in a different post but it would take me a while. You can look it up if you want.

But the most important part of it, is basically trusting that Inari Ōkami will help you develop as a kitsune and that your powers will increase with time. I’ve already seen an increase with my intuition and such and it’s expected to increase even more at the end of this year which I’m looking forward to.

[mariacallous]

It should come as no surprise that Nigella Lawson, who nicknamed her microwave the mee-cro-wah-vay and regularly refers to pomegranate seeds as “ruby jewels,” has her own name for rugelach: scuffles.

“Scuffles,” the British television cook and proclaimed food writer explains in a recent YouTube recipe tutorial, “is the really delightful American name for an even more delightful Ukrainian pastry, rohalyky. Now if you’ve ever encountered rugelach, you’ll know what they are, but think like doll’s-house-sized croissants.”

So much to unpack here.

As a Brit, I regularly have to turn to my North American colleagues for insight into the food habits and psyche of those across the pond, but only a few had heard of scuffles. Hmm. Further research online revealed that scuffles are a fairly popular Canadian Christmas pastry. A rugelach by any other name would taste as sweet, I concluded, and moved on.

… But not very far. 

I was as thrown by the term “scuffles” as I was by Nigella’s pronunciation of rugelach, with its long “oo” like in “arugula,” which is different to the way it’s typically pronounced in the U.K.: rog-a-lach. Ultimately, I reasoned that we’re probably all pronouncing it wrong and there was no need to be petty. 

Regional differences resolved, I whiled away a happy hour researching the origins of rugelach and their relationship to Ukranian rohalyky. Turns out, they’re essentially the same pastry, which has long been enjoyed across Eastern Europe by non-Jews and Jews, who called them “rugelach” in Yiddish. 

Finally, I addressed Nigella’s description: “doll’s-house-sized croissants,” concluding it’s a bit of a stretch given that 1) her recipe does not call for a laminated dough, 2) you rarely come across cinnamon croissants and 3) neither rohalyky nor rugelach are French. Later in the video, Nigella likens her scuffles to “miniature armadillos,” which if you squint, or live inside Lawson’s kitschy brain (and how I often wish I did), is much more plausible. 

Still with me? (Fellow Virgos, I know you are.) Time to dissect Nigella’s recipe, which you can find on the website of upmarket British online grocery store, Ocado. 

In a pleasant turn of events, I have few complaints. The scuffles are easier and simpler than most rugelach recipes I’ve come across; on the video tutorial, Nigella even makes the pastries by hand, no mixer required. And you could argue that Nigella’s scuffles are a gratifying hybrid of American- and Isreali-style rugelach. Like Israeli rugelach, she adds yeast to her dough — but unlike the babka-esque Israeli dough, hers doesn’t need to rise. Like American rugelach, she enriches her dough, calling for sour cream rather than the typical cream cheese. 

And then, in true Nigella style, she ever-so casually turned my world upside down.

After chilling for an hour or two, ’twas time to roll out the dough — but not in flour. No, in a technique that Lawson correctly calls “fascinating and revelatory,” she rolls out each quarter of dough in cinnamon sugar. 

“Geometrists, please turn away because I’m going to describe this as a circle,” Nigella quips as she displays a sparkling disc encrusted in warm, scented sugar (I imagine she might say), which she then cuts, pizza-style, into small triangles (Nigella, use a pizza cutter not a knife, it’s much easier!), rolls up into “enchanting” pastries that may or may not resemble “teeny-tiny croissants” (see above), and bakes. 

Having told us her recipe feeds a crowd (64 scuffles, to be exact), which I think we can all agree is very Jewish, Nigella then recommends serving the pastries with ice cream, which is… not very Jewish.

Sadly, as with the entire Ocado YouTube series, we do not get to see Nigella eating a scuffle, nor even sneaking into the kitchen in the middle of the night in a silk nightgown to snatch a couple from the jar. But in the absence of a television show (how much longer must we wait for you to grace our screens once again, Nigella?), this will have to do. 

I’ll pass on the ice cream but — just as I always cover my rising bread dough with a leopard-print shower cap and double-butter my toast (once when the toast is warm, so it melts; once when the toast is a little cooler, so it coats the surface) — I shall, forevermore, roll out my rugelach dough in cinnamon sugar, just like Nigella does.

[limitededitionnephilimspare]

Feeling: In Pain/ Sore

Mood: Satisfied

Watching: Special Edd on YouTube

Oh gooood, I’m so fucking sore ;-;

The left of my shoulder on my back is so sore! I think it’s a muscle… but other than that, it hurts to bend over, move or even reach for stuff. Upper and Lower. I think I either laid wrong on my bed, or (as my mom says) I didn’t move a lot. Which she is sorta right about that. But I did stretch and that usually works but this morning, I was unable to pop or even stretch out my back where the muscle is… I just rubbed some cream on my back so hopefully that will help a lot… I want to lay down but I don’t want to..

I’v also been working on my website until the site when down due to maintenance (I’m using WordPress) but I did a good job so far. I just need to do a lot more work ónò . . . I’m slowly learning how to use it and I’m using tutorial after tutorial. I was so pissed off with the header part.. I had accidentally removed the header cause I wanted a blank slate, and I needed to add it back. But I couldn’t with elementor cause I needed to pay for it. But I already paid for Hostinger for it and Wordpress, so I don’t know what the fuck is going on or why can’t I access it . . . Like I said, I’m learning slowly.

My RV is still at the shop (Camping World) cause it’s been raining, and it’s probably going to rain all this week. So, I won’t be home in a while until it stops.. But I do enjoy being at my parents house, I get to hang out with my parents and the free food XD jk jk But I love being spoiled by my parents, and I do my best around the house and wash my dishes and clean up after myself. Which I should do anyways. XD

I’m probably going to make some gifs for Tumblr and try to make it aesthetic and shit.. I don’t know. I’m working on that DX I have some ideas but I need some like… evergreen gifs. GIFs that I can use every time or most out of year so I don’t have to remake it over and over again unless I feel like it. But I have a few ideas of what I wanted to add. Most of it is just for Instagram or some shit like that, but I thought about Tumblr, so I wanted to make it personal for myself to use. Here are some of my ideas . . .

Also here is what I have for the Website. It’s not much but I’m learning and trying XD I know it’s weird looking but I’m learning on how to add sub pages to my menu. I mean.. I’ve tried already but it’s not like.. registering? I don’t know.. But it’s not showing as subpages on the menu and that’s what is really pissing me off about WordPress cause I’m not sure its a particular tutorial on how to do that, but I’m trying like I said and no giving up.

I really want to fix that menu but, again, the website is under maintenance.. So I’ll either have to wait a few minutes or just call it a day, which I did the last one cause I was working on it since this morning and I’ve honestly needed a break. So I came to Tumblr :D ( My secret comfort social media other than YouTube uWu ).

And looked at some good Supernatural Artwork, Photos and some pictures with the Actors at a Convention. I secretly wished I could of went to the one where I live but it was about 2-3 hours away and I didn’t know about it until it was too late, so I didn’t go. But I thought also, it was a sign. Cause I know how I would feel if I met my babies in person. I would had fainted as soon as they look at my way. I would had died if they even breathe my way. …. I’M NOT OBSESSED I SWEAR !!! But yeah.. I love them so much, but now.. I feel a bit indifference with Jared. Why? Cause of the whole Replubican bullshit he has gotten himself into… I love you Jared but now, I don’t love you as much but, shockingly, it’s still there. I just hope he realizes what he has done and SOMEHOW get himself out of this shit… Idk, I lack feeling of what he does now. He just does stuff out of impulse.. that what is feels like sometimes.

I’m leaning on more of loving Misha. He is knows what’s good in the world and wants to protect and save it, which I love for him. I have moments where i wanted to chat with him about life and just to talk in general but I keep seeing these videos of him talking.. well… intelligently. Especially in Politics and I’m just sitting there like Pikachu with my mouth open as I listen. Not understand a single word he was saying other than ‘Vote’. Maybe I’m just too nervous to even talk to him cause I feel like I’ll say something VERY stupid, which I always do when I’m nervous… it’s like.. he is a higher up to me XD I can never get on his level of knowledge >^< But one day. I’ll get there.

I really need to work on my consistency when it comes to social media… I HIGHLY lack in it.. I try to post when I can but that’s usually not enough. I post on Lemon8, Bluesky and Tumblr for the most part, but lack when I post on Threads and Instagram. I think the reason why I lack in Threads cause for some odd fucking reason, I was unable to post for a bit. Maybe cause I was spamming.. but then again, I only posted like 3 times that day. It could be because I was using Buffer and I believe Meta doesn’t like it when you use third party apps for your Instagram/Threads posts so i just save my posts as drafts and call it a day until I’m able to post again… :/ But it only happened once and my love for Threads quickly died so I just.. barely post there cause I could post at times I wanted too… Unlike Tumblr, Bluesky, and Lemon8. But, honestly, the only reason why I’m on Threads and Instagram, is to gain followers and possibly make money from it XD selfishly, I know. But isn’t that everyone’s dream? So, that’s what I need to work on, but also, coming up with content ideas… Cause I think I’m going in and out of Content Burnout and I don’t know how to get out of it. Which is why I’m watching ‘Nicky Saunders’ on YouTube. And. Can I say, that I love her so fucking much. She talks about EVERYTHING content related. Especially on Instagram, Threads, and YouTube. She helps me learn about the news on them and what I need to change or stuff I need to avoid that are outdated as such. I need to find more people like her but.. honestly.. it’s kinda hard… I want to be able to grow along side people like her.. A few thousand followers and making bank while doing so. People like them! So I can know and feel like, ‘If they can do it without a lot of followers or subscribers, I can do it as well!’ Making me feel good inside and motivated. She is the reason why I stayed on Instagram and Threads. And even contemplate YouTube! I’ve been wanted to do YouTube for the longest but it keeps phasing in and out of interest (I have Depression so my hobbies or interests come at go)… But I’m might just suck it up and do it. I don’t know what video I’m going to do, but I can invest in learning about the niche I’m going to be in. ^^

I rambled on long enough here XD and I’m ready to lie down once I finish posting on my social medias since I still have time >.>

See You Tomorrow!

- Siouxie <3

[foxingpeculiar]

Alright, per Tumblr’s decision, I started Lies of P.

It’s interesting. I had to get used to the combat, which is a little chunkier than Bloodborne, at least at first. And it’s the first Soulslike I’ve played with the Xbox controller, so that took a little adjustment as well. But, once it stopped throwing tutorial UI windows at me in the middle of combat, I started getting the hang of it.

I played the demo, so the Parade Master wasn’t too challenging since I knew what I was in for. I think I got him in 3. The Mad Donkey took 2 tries, but once I figured out how easily he can be backstabbed, it was over. The crawling electric police fella I got in one with the help of a specter. Then I got to King’s Flame Fuoco or whatever and had to stop for a while.

THIS fucking guy. Like holy shit, what a spike/skill check that is. I pissed through my Star Fragments like it was nothing, so now it’s just me and him. The first phase is manageable. I can mostly read his move set and while there’s a couple that give me trouble—I get caught in the backspin in the middle of one of his 3-part combos a lot and his Fury move hammer slam is a matter of luck based on my position when he starts the animation—but it’s manageable. That fucking second phase though. The ass fire gigantic AOE thing is bad enough, but then stacking the range attacks on that is just batshit. And it becomes a matter of endurance, cos he’s tanky as fuck. I can see the path to victory, I just haven’t been able to execute yet. But ima get ‘im.

The regular enemies aren’t bad—some of the heavies can be a little troublesome, especially that robot miniboss in the factory, but nothing I can’t handle. I need to work more guarding into my playstyle though—I’m relying mostly on dodging at this point, and it’s doing me well so far, but I have a feeling it’s not gonna work for everything.

I’ve been rocking mostly the balance weapon, sometimes bringing out the heavy sword. And boosting Vitality, Vigor, and Motility mostly. Got a couple of cool looking fire weapons in the factory, and after a couple of upgrades, the fire axe is doing me pretty well so I’m gonna rock that for a bit and see how it goes.

The level design is mostly pretty good—it feels like a labyrinth while still guiding you forward in a pretty linear direction, with a couple of interesting diversions. I helped the weeping woman (by lying to her about her baby) and met the Riddler fellow, at least via the telephone, and am curious what other things like that the game is going to throw at me.

Story-wise I’m bemused but intrigued. It sounds like the Alchemists did something to the Ergo that made the puppets go all Westworld on everybody, but I don’t have a full enough picture of what’s going down in Krat yet. That Fox/Cat stalker duo was pretty cool though, looking forward to running into them again.

Further updates as events warrant.

[more-thoughts-than-money]

Born “gifted”; grown chronically depressed

// long, personal post. basically a tutorial on express therapy (and by express I mean 10 years of rationalising, learning psychology on myself and fictional characters + 48 hours of not sleeping)

When I was grieving I spent 48 hours sleepless

it’s not that I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been on insomnia medication for 3 years now. I just had to “have a reason” and time to actually acknowledge my emotion and thoughts which caused my body to struggle with setting a “proper” circadian rhythm

Living with a 5 person family in basically a studio flat for 13 years of my life low-key harmed my ability to think and “feel” without privy eyes

this accidentally sent my brain into survival mode where I could only “think rationally” at night

So when we moved out and I got to have a room of my own

that’s when *serious* sleep problems started

my brain would just REFUSE to shut the fuck up

first off I was used to tv noise while falling asleep

i fixed it up with some rain sounds or watching ATLA when I was feeling funky

it distracted me enough

still I wouldn’t fucking sleep.

because my brain didn’t feel like it

probably hyperactivity which I could never “treat” with sport as an asthmatic kid

also an outcast but it is what it is

unable to name the cause of my insomnia I would just head to sleep at 10pm. Two reasons for that:

a) you know what they say! Don’t trust your thoughts after 10PM

b) 8h of sleep is THE healthy amount. And it seems like my brain likes waking up early for whatever reason!

yeah also I went through a fair share of medication before they got it right

anyways whoops I’m depressed now. Very depressed and even more anxious. Day by day my brain is giving me more compulsive behaviours and thoughts! Yaaay!

so I went through a 3 years worth of antidepressants

also a lot of unintended research (thanks, tiktok.)

basically I “subconsciously” KNEW what my problem is but “consciously” my brain refused I acknowledge it because haha living in the state of constant survival mode is way more fun! right?

right?

basically it was like being a doctor and being pretty certain about the diagnosis but having to go to some other doctor to objectively either confirm or discard my diagnosis

yeah anyways I changed medication, SNRI, venlafaxine

known to help some adhd folk with severe vegetative depression for “no reason”

Yeah basically my new psychiatrist kept on upping the dose until I got “a kick in the ass” so we know it works

and then my aunt died.

wELL my workaholic and emotionally constipated child brain would NOT acknowledge it

hell you’d catch me dead before I’d admit that I felt shitty but didn’t know how to deal with that because at the same time I “saw it coming”

No one ever told me she’s sick

I just saw her hair loss (or rather a sudden haircut change and awkward silence that followed) and had some foggy memory of someone saying her sister died of cancer

Mind you I don’t fucking remember my childhood that well

hell I don’t remember it at all but it is what it is

I just “know” some things and some are more of a “hunch”

I have this information buried in my brain but I can’t recall how it got there, ykwim?

yeah basically I was suspecting she’s dying of cancer but I was trying to stay optimistic and told myself I’m “overthinking it”

and I thought the mourning was “good enough of a reason” to stay up for 48 hours, write down my “thoughts” and wail all day long (yes, everyone gave me shit for crying growing up, how did you know?)

anyways yeah I did this and suddenly I “solved” the root of ALL my anxieties and minor paranoias.

as if it was a fucking riddle. Or a fucking house MD episode.

I hope you can understand WHY I’m so livid.

I SPENT OVER 3 YEARS ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND MADE ONE THERAPIST CRY JUST BECAUSE MY BRAIN WENT SO FAR INTO THE SURVIVAL MODE EVERY TIME I INTERACTED WITH A HUMAN BEING. IM JUST FUCKING AUTISTIC AND TRAUMATISED NOT “ANXIOUS” AND “PARANOID”

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE

Also I’m fucking dyslexic. But hyperlexic at the same time. I mean I’m hyperlexic in my native language, and I “remember” the spellings so I went undiagnosed

but I love technology. I want to be a CS student and then I’ll see where I can go from here. I’d love to work on an online learning platform for “gifted” children

y’know so they don’t lose their childhood but at the same time can associate learning with something nice and actually enjoyable

I think a lot of “gifted kid burnout” comes from the | dopamine <—> habit making | mechanism

so if children can learn they don’t HAVE TO be good at every subject and learn their “strengths and weaknesses” early on

Hardships later on won’t be as depressing

cause hey maybe I’m not the best at english but I know a lot about maths and I like maths and maybe when I grow older I can be a mathematician!!

you see what I mean?

at least this is what I’m trying to do for myself

generational trauma and neurodivergency running in the family made me develop some shitty coping mechanisms (example - perfectionism in order to cope with my actual time blindness and the “need” for structure while hating organisation and refusing “unreasonable” authority)

I wasn’t raised catholic, not really

nor was I raised queer lol

but my brain reacted to religion the same way people who went through religious trauma did

basically I put myself through religious trauma on accident!

fun, aye?

what I mean is, I grew up religious because that’s what “felt right”

tradition and all that

and then I realised the catholics hate me for no fucking reason

and then I thought “well fuck you too!” And called myself an atheist

later it went into agnostic

and a couple of weeks back I grew OBSESSED with religion

christian one I mean

Fuck I even started reading the nsrv bible in english (!)

and then I tried to interpret it “by myself” using some historical context and googling some stuff

WHAAAAAAAT! Turns out the bible is a product of its own time and is not to be taken literally!

That’s crazy innit?

Yeah and then I realised all of my recent hyperfixations (last two years) were a silent ways of rationalising ALL my “unreasonable” anxiety and trauma caused by; you guessed it

NOT UNDERSTANDING SYMBOLISM AND SOCIAL CUES AS IT IS

IN MY NATIVE FUCKING LANGUAGE

I can learn *any* language

I just need some books, movies, music in said language

But don’t ask me about any grammar. I don’t care about grammar. And you can’t make me. Idfk what present simple is but I can shove it so far up your ass your own mother won’t recognise you. so yeah

I’m great at learning languages cause they’re a “brainless” work for me

I mean

I learn languages for fun - it’s a tool to communicate with broader audience AND find more knowledge on the internet (I Google EVERYTHING in english)

and when someone tries to make it into an actual job of mine. This is when it goes downhill.

also english being coded as “language of knowledge” is my “main” language

my native language is way more complicated and I never really had to acknowledge my emotion in polish

I mean maybe I did but I just never wanted to cause I never learned that! English in comparison is simple. It allows me to communicate simple ideas without the need to “sound smart”

this and isolation from my peers (kids are bastards) gave me an actual “language barrier”

which isn’t the case really

it was just my overthinking

I started enjoying polish music way more recently cause I can never get the lyrics

so I listen only to what sounds “cool”

in english on the other hand the most of my music taste was built around midwestern emo and folk punk

cause I listened only to songs that felt “somewhat relatable”

yeah all of that understanding makes me want to write an essay but i kind of don’t care and I’m too lazy to do that!

so yeah this is how I “cured” my compulsions, anxiety, depression, irritability and perfectionism. By having fucking adhd and being a massive nerd. because I would hyperfixate on linux, customisation, open source applications, cybersecurity, programming

turns out I’m great at maths since I KNOW HOW to solve the problems

My brain is just too quick to do it step by step so I tend to skip and get lost in my own fuckin notebook 💀

schooling just made me believe I suck at maths and i should actually kms for trying to improve at it /hj /lh

And I suck at my own language. I know a lot of “complicated” words and can deduce what certain words mean (logically) but I have issues adapting my language to my listeners. I either cuss every other word (too comfortable; thanks mom LMFAO)

Or I speak like an university professor. To my peers. And they don’t know what the fuck is going on. And I end up isolating myself because of crippling fear of being misinterpreted. And people think I don’t have a sense of humour whatsoever because I don’t “get” jokes. But I joke a lot and am very sarcastic cause that’s just how I am. God damn it

When were y’all going to tell me not everyone thinks I want to use them and be a bastard overall when I need to ask someone for help. when. were. you.

icb I had to go to paid therapy, feed myself some subliminal messaging, deprive myself of sleep for 48 hours, force myself to talk to my dad about things I don’t understand or scare me, go manic for a week on venlafaxine, my aunt had to die and I had to have a reason not to go to school for 2 days for me to actually acknowledge my emotion instead of rationalising it.

also everyone in school + my therapist thinks I’m still manic and in need of hospitalisation. How do I even begin to explain it’s not that I have superiority complex, and I just realised I’m hella smart, just in a pretty unexpected way….. because thorough my entire life I never acknowledged it for the sake of being “humble”. bitch it’s not humble it’s the lack of self worth and being someone else’s doormat.

y’all think that if I say “house md and one tumblr post cured me” they’ll let me off the radar?

no honestly I have too much to catch up on (maths, c++, reading in POLISH, and learning German for fun) to actually care about “depressing” things of this world

I mean sure it does sound unhealthy in hindsight

but thing is

this is the first time in my life where I don’t feel hopeless both about present AND the future

and I guess that’s enough for now

I have “a goal” and that’s enough

Later I might catch a job as an actual university professor. Maths or computer science. Biology or physics maybe?

it gives me an excuse to be “eccentric” lol

cause the students are here to learn not to make fun of who I am and focus on that

sure it’s a funny anecdote to mention like “dude my physics teacher is fucking nuts but at least his lectures are interesting”

and that’s all I care about

I get to express myself instead of internalising anything

and the students get to learn

yay and yay

mutual benefit!

yeah anyway fuck I have so much shit to catch up on and I’m so lazy I actually have to reorganise my room and desk so I don’t try to do my homework in bed……. (Yes I was THAT depressed and lazy)

when I do my chores in bed I keep on losing my pens and I’m one minor inconvenience away from doing something I might not particularly want to do…….

yah

thats it I guess

If this post made anyone realise something (“connect some dots”)

congrats and I’m sorry you had to find out this way LMFAO

if not

scroll ahead, not the target audience probably