#I'm going to do something with Well of Loneliness if I'm allowed since it's the right time period

[artemismatchalatte]

A new term has begun. Time for Turn of the Century and WWI Brit Lit! 

And then there’s Ulysses ready to end my literary career before I’ve even started.

[smutoperator]

can you write ex gf minju? minju and you broke up cuz of college and you meet again years later but she has a family now but she cheats on her new husband with you.

Blast From The Past

Kim Minju x Male Reader

Tags: big dick worship, boss chair blowjob, cheating, college sweetheart, creampie, cum licking, (lots of) facefucking, future, home office, housewife, long time no see, mating press, milfju, multiple orgasms, passionate sex, pregnancy

Word count: 3918

April 29th, 2041

Twenty years ago, Minju endured her most heartbroken day of her life. Her group had just disbanded, and you decided to break up with her to focus on your college graduation. As the years passed, Minju transitioned from her days as an idol and actress and is now a 40-year-old housewife working from home in the real estate market.

Minju has got into a business marriage. Her husband is sterile but wanted kids, so she found other guys to inseminate her twice. At this point, this is basically ten times Korea's fertility rate, so her 4-member family really stands out from her co-workers, who are all single.

Today, Minju was lonely. Her husband was on a work trip abroad. She then suddenly remembered her former college sweetheart.

"Could you come to my house?" Minju texted you. You two had met a few times since breaking up, but she never allowed such intimacy, especially as a married woman. Something must have changed then, but you accepted her invitation anyway.

You arrived at Minju's house just as she was starting to work. Minju welcomed you with open arms, feeling even lonelier as she had just dropped her kids off at school. "Sit here; I'm not feeling that well today," she said, pointing to her work desk. "What happened?" you asked. "My husband is away, and I feel so done with my marriage that I think I need a divorce," she continued. "And do you want to talk about this with me?" you asked. "Maybe," she replied.

Minju turned off the computer and went to the kitchen to pick up something to eat. But she couldn't help but look at you sitting at her workplace. Some burning feelings from the past were starting to creep back into her mind. You looked so handsome to her. So much so that she made an impulsive move.

"I need a break," Minju knelt under her desk and started carressing the area around your pants. You thought this was a little weird, but flashes of your college days came up immediately. You didn't say anything. It's her house; she can do what she wants. You'll just follow this beautiful noona, just like you did when she was just turning 20.

Minju knew you always had some love left for her. She could notice your erection bulging and wanted to see it after so many years, licking it while still clothed and then unveiling it. She was amazed; you truly hadn't changed down there in 20 years. That cock was throbbing and was bigger than the whole radius of her face. Still with her workplace outfit on, Minju dove onto your tip, licking it like a baby who discovers a long-missing toy. She really wanted to make up for the lost time, admiring that length and enjoying every second of it. It was so beautiful. Better, it was so big.

Minju licked your shaft from top to bottom and put it in her mouth, hitting her tongue with your tip. You really liked how submissive she was to your cock. Her angelic face always hides the fact that she can get slutty in a snap, and the way she worshipped your member was incredible. You tuck her hair out to get a better view of her beautiful face as she sloppily works on that shaft, twisting and sucking it full of lust and spitting on it like she's sucking a lollipop. She keeps going for five straight minutes. No noises except her naughty tongue, giving that cock the work it deserves.

"Come here after lunch, but instead of my mouth, you'll be inside my pussy," Minju says. "Ok, but why after lunch and not now?" you ask. "I need to solve some problems first." Before she moves further, she needs to free herself from this boring housewife life. "I'm calling it quits," she tells her coworkers at their online meeting. Her divorce papers will be ready for her husband when he arrives. A new Minju is about to be unleashed. Well, an old Minju.

A few hours later, you return to Minju's house. This time, she greets you wearing the lingerie she had under her office attire in the morning. "Take your clothes off, and let's go straight to bed," she says. Passionate kisses follow; this is already much better than the boring sex her husband has been giving her for over a decade. Minju pushes you into her bed and resumes the blowjob she had started that morning.

"You're still so big after all these years," Minju praises your length and makes sure to work the whole extension of it, even pouring lube for an easier slide into her soft little hands. "I fucking love this huge cock," she tells you.

"What made you decide to get back in touch with me?" you ask just as she takes a little break from filling her mouth full of cock. "Eunbi and Yeji were really noticing how unhappy I was, but it's all gone with you back in my life," she says, moving towards swallowing your balls, and you let out a groan.

Minju was really happy that she listened to her friends counseling. Your cock was double the size of her husband and very responsive to her stimulation, growing bigger as she kept working her magic on it. "I don't know how it's even going to fit inside me; my pussy hasn't taken a cock this big in, I guess, 20 years," she says. She might be concerned about showing her age, but to you, she is just as beautiful as she was two decades ago.

"I want you to fuck my face; I gotta test if I can take it," Minju tells you with a smile. You are over the moon, seizing the opportunity to use her beautiful, sexy, and warm mouth as a training ground before you get in her pussy. You give her no relief whatsoever, treating Minju like the slut she is and plowing her mouth upwards as you love to see her beautiful face full of cock.

Minju coughs and gags all over your cock. The truth is, all those years made her lose some of her deepthroating skills. Despite trying the hardest to engulf your hard boner, she can only take it halfway in. But she keeps trying, letting you push her head further down it. Your enormous girth barely fits in her mouth, turning her face into a mess as you make it red.

Your cock is full of Minju's saliva. Doubts arise in her mind about whether she can still take it. All those years with a vanilla husband might never bring back the young foxy queen Minju of the past. She can barely take half of it without gagging.

"That's so fucking hot," she says. "Do it again," Minju says, showing she won't give up and that a little extra training can bring her old self back. She closes her eyes and loosens herself up as more and more of your length goes down her throat, until she finally manages to deepthroat that anaconda for the first time in a long while.

"You still got it," you say, praising her. In the end, Minju is still the most beautiful woman on the planet to you, and she's even prettier when she's getting her face filled with your cock. You caress her pretty face as she sticks her tongue out to lick your cock. Slutty Minju has always been the best Minju, and you love how she slowly unleashes it and brings back memories of better days.

Minju throats your sword two-thirds of the way in now; get more accustomed to it. You know there is nothing this beautiful girl can't do and that she'll be taking it to the fullest soon. "Perfect, you're taking it so well," you tell her, diving your cock deeper into her throat, which makes her gag. 

"Maybe I'm ready to have it in my pussy," Minju says. "I want it so bad inside me; feel every inch stretching out my little pussy," she continues. You want it too; you love when she talks in a slutty way like this. 

Minju takes off the top of her lingerie, showing off her perky tits. She lies on her bed and spreads her legs as you kiss her little pink pussy that you haven't worshipped in a long time, before slowly eating her folds as she releases some cute moans. "You like licking that fucking pussy, baby?" she asks as she spreads her entrance for you to hit it deeper with your tongue.

"Keep going, baby; oh my god, lick my clit, I love it," Minju says as you take it in your mouth. "That tongue feels so good," she continues as you spit inside her and dive your head fully into her pussy. "Keep it there," she demands, getting her right leg up in the air. "You really like to worship my pussy, don't you?" she says. 

Minju grinds her breedable hips into your face as she enjoys your tongue; you get her really warm. "I want you to fuck me so bad; I want that big dick right inside my pussy," she begs with her beautiful smile. Soon, your face gets replaced by a long pole teasing her entrace.

You can feel that after all those years, Minju is still tight. "Nice and slow," she says as you rub your shaft into her entrance before teasing her into inserting just the tip. "Oh, Fuck, I love how you tease me," she says, as you shortly move straight into action and fuck her passionately in missionary.

Minju enjoys how your long length stretches her pussy. "Stretch it good," she says as you get deeper. Your cock slides with ease as you kiss her; her needy hole truly needed it. You go faster. "Don't stop," Minju says, "You're gonna make me cum already," she says, making you pick up the pace and choke her as she closes her eyes and you groan loudly.

"Fuck, I'm cumming, ah, shit." Minju has a fairly easy orgasm after a short few minutes. She really missed a long cock stretching her out; her pussy gets tighter and pinches your cock, but you remain strong, committed to stretching her cunt at all costs, as she softly curses and moans while kissing you in between. 

You lick Minju's neck as you give her a hard missionary pounding that sends her to the heavens. The way you wrap your body around hers makes her feel so loved, and the way your cock works hard in her pussy is so enjoyable to her. 

Your balls slap into Minju's clit as her right leg gets fully lifted and you press her back against the bed. Her orgasms continue as your cock gives her what she's been missing for nearly two decades. Minju just lets you dominate her and work as you please with her little breedable body.

"You're so fucking deep in me," Minju moans and laughs as you move to a mating press, her legs now all up in the air. Her pussy feels so good and warm the more you plow her. She's never felt that much pleasure since you left her. Minju starts regretting all those years you two were far apart, as your passionate pounding keeps giving her orgasm after orgasm.

Minju kisses you, thanking you for all the pleasure you are giving her as she goes back to worshipping your huge cock and tasting all her juices from it. She then rewards you with her wet pussy right in your face as she gets on top of you for a 69. You wrap your hands around her little waist, and you two compete to see who pleases the other the most. But Minju clearly has the edge. You can't match the way she massages your balls and gets you on the edge of unloading in her warm, cock-filled throat.

Truth be told, all Minju wants now is to be a sleeve for your massive cock. She gets on all fours as you spank her pale cheeks, her enticing pussy ready for more. "Ohhh shit," she moans as you insert just the tip, feeling very needy for that long dick. You grab the garters on her waist that are tied to her sexy black stockings as she swings her breedable hips to take more of that shaft inside her. Minju bounces on all fours as you spank her cute butt, tease her with slow pumps inside, and rub your tip on her beautiful wet entrance.

Slowly, you get your cock deep inside Minju; her pussy is wet but tightens fairly easily, giving you a huge challenge to stretch it out. "I love that cock stretching my tiny little pussy," she says. "Shit, you're so fucking tight after all those years," you tell her, barely able to get halfway inside as her pink hole clenches hard on every inch of that cock.

You have to take your cock out multiple times not to cum, her pussy gaping at each time. You then pump Minju faster, making her asshole wink at each thurst. "Fuck spank me like a slut," she begs as you increase the pace. Minju starts to regret not staying with you; she could have done that for years already, being the perfect toy for a massive cock that would stretch her out every single day.

Minju's little tits jiggle as she closes her eyes and explodes in louder and louder moans. "Don't stop," she demands, grabbing your hand as you wrap it around her waist. She's so slim and pretty—the perfect princess turned into the ultimate slutty fuck toy. "Take that cock," you tell her as you spank her further. "GOD, FUCK!" she yells. The line that introduced her to the world was about making it red, but now she's the one for whom you're turning the body red.

More spanks succeed in Minju's pale booty. And the more she takes them, the more she enjoys them. She's so overwhelmed she can't even stay on her knees anymore, cumming again as she gets pinned to the bed and turns your submissive doggy fuck into an even more submissive prone-boning of her pussy. You're now just her big bull manhandling her pink fleshlight, her torso and tummy hitting the bedsheets harder at each thrust you give her, her cheeks clapping as you put all your weight pressured against her hot body. 20 or 40 years old, Minju is still the same, perfect from head to toe.

"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE SO FUCKING DEEP." Minju screams as your cock fulyl bulges under her belly and shapes her pussy from her entrance to her cervix, molding it like it's your own work of art. You could cum right now, and that would be enough on its own. But you want more; you want Minju to feel every inch of your cock every day for the rest of her life. She'll be yours, one inch at a time.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Minju turns into a screaming mess as you pound her harder and harder. Her ass is fully up against your hips as you destroy Minju like a fuckdoll. She may have had doubts at first, but even at this age, she can still take it. "Oh my god, I'm cumming again." These words make you craze as you pin her even harder against the bedsheets and choke her, making her pussy clench and unleashing a powerful orgasm that almost makes you finish right after.

You slow down and kiss Minju, getting completely on top of her, making her hot body into your property. Slow and deep, all the way in, you make Minju moan softly while stimulating her neck with kisses, her face now redder than a tomato. She could die right there, drowned by pleasure, and it would be a happy ending for her.

You set Minju free, and she immediately bends over to crown your cock, taking it deep in her mouth as she enjoys tasting herself, smiling and moaning. She then lays down, giving you a perfect view of her red cheeks as your member slides up and down her mouth. You caress her soft cheeks as her blowjob drives you to the edge—two lovebirds who feel like they couldn't have got a better comeback than this. 

Minju keeps kissing your dick. "Fuck, I can't believe this thing fits all inside of me," she says. "It felt so good inside of my pussy," she continues, with more kisses. You can't resist her warm mouth wrapped all over your massive monster, pushing up as you go back to fuck her face nonstop, treating her mouth the same way you just did to her pussy. "Fuck my face and bulge under my tiny little throat," Minju demands as soon as she gags, and you do it just as she asks.

After some rough throat pounding, you go back to your romantic ways, sliding back inside Minju in a passionate spooning position and kissing her as your cock hotly slides slowly in and out of her pussy. You caress her nipples as she demands that you go deeper. "Stretch my pussy all the way in,"  she says, fingering her clit to the pace of your thrusts while you hold the little string around her waist. 

"Fuck, you're stretching me out so good," she says. "You're getting so fucking deep AHHHHH," she continues as your balls start smashing against her entrance. 10 throbbing inches, and Minju is taking all of them, just like at your college dorms when your friends went out. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

"God, it's gonna make me cum again, yessss," Minju moans as she closes her eyes and releases yet another flow of juices into your massive monster, the orgasms her sterile husband could never give to her. Meanwhile,  today she's basically lost count of how many times she creamed herself on that cock. "I'm gonna cum all over that fucking cock, AHHHHH," Minju screams as you choke her, making her unleash it even quicker as you push your cock deep inside her with all your might.

Minju is still out of breath as you move slower to allow her to enjoy her orgams. "Keep stretching that pussy up," she says as she grabs her little tits. "I love feeling every single inch of you," she continues. "Make me your little fucking bitch; make me submit to all your desires," Minju keeps going, more satisfied than ever at each time you penetrate deep inside her pussy. "Harder, harder," she says as you clap your balls on her clit nonstop and make her scream even further as you groan and have yet another close call.

"Keep fucking me until I die, or until you cum," Minju says shortly after she gives you the most torrid round of kisses. "Let me sit on that fucking cock," she says, starting her ride slowly to adjust to that massive length impaling her. You wrap your hands around her waist and push her body down with your massive prick. Minju starts to move faster, getting better acclimated to that huge cock. "Stretch me out," she says as you push up her pussy and take control before resuming the ride.

"Spank my ass like a slut," she says as her bounces get harder to resist; each spanking makes her ultra-tight pussy clench. You can't resist and start manhandling her once again while slapping her hard, loving the way she moans.

Minju pulls out for a bit and gets on her feet on the side of the bed. You follow as you two kiss each other, feeling like this could be your last time together. She massages your cock, and you kiss her neck. "I missed you so much, my lover, especially your big cock stretching me out so well," she tells you. "But I'm still missing one last thing," she says. "Nobody has ever fucked me like you," she continues.

Minju then jumps on your cock, committing to make you drain her balls inside her. She's not going to stop until you do. Her ride gets crazier. You have flashbacks of her 20-year-old energetic self, which she brings back just for this moment. "Wanna cum inside me so fucking bad?" she asks. "I want you to fucking fill me up," she continues. "I'm ready to feel every fucking drop inside of my pussy; please shoot your load inside me," she keeps begging.

Not only did you shoot it, but the load that you had been saving for 20 years spurted out of your cock like a geyser, filling Minju's tight pussy to the brim, so much so that lots of it spilled into your navel. Your cock was throbbing so hard for her that it kept pulsating for 10 long seconds after you shot your cum inside her. Minju, not wanting to miss any drops, licks your cum-covered tummy with her mouth, swallowing what leaked out of her cunt. If this was your last time together, it was surely worth it.

"My God, you fuck me so good; you're incredible." Minju praised you and gave you more kisses, feeling loved in a way she hadn't felt for a long time. "Marry me, let's do this for the rest of our lives," she said, giving a final kiss on your cock.

But you two couldn't even enjoy it for much, as Minju's husband, arriving earlier, announced himself in the house. You, still naked, had to hide yourself in Minju's closet as you listened to both of them talking.

"Why are you almost naked in lingerie, Minju?" Her husband asked. "Nothing," she said, "just wanted to try some things I haven't done in a while.". "I saw you want to file for divorce; what are you hiding from me, Minju?" he continues. "Well, our marriage stalled out; honestly, keep the kids to yourself. You wanted them so much, but I had to find other guys because you're sterile," Minju continues, increasing her tone.

The arguing continues as you remain trapped in the closet. Her husband leaves and goes, taking "his" kids back from school. Minju cries as you try to consolate her and keep her calm. You had made her feel loved for the first time in years. "I hope this isn't the last time we see each other," she says, carrying you out of her house before her husband returns.

A few months passed by. Minju and her husband get into a divorce settlement. But she never called you after that night. You wondered if she had gotten back to her risk-averse ways and just wanted to play it safe. Until you receive a call.

"Hello," Minju says. Your eyes get bright instantly upon hearing her voice. "I have some news," she continued. "I'm pregnant," she tells you. "I want to move away from my home; would you follow me?" she asks. "Sure, anywhere you go, I'll follow you down," you tell her.

Last call: flight from Seoul to Prague. The aiport sound system announces. Minju gives one last hug to her longtime best friends, Eunbi and Yeji. "I'll stay in touch," she tells them. You two are ready to depart and start a new life. Meanwhile, the baby bump on Minju's belly is more noticeable than ever.

What was supposed to be the end was just a new start.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Shorter fic this time, busier week here. But on the 3rd year of my ult group's disbandment anniversary, I decided to drop this fic, which ends in the same way I feel about them today: Iz*one's end was just a new start, and its legacy has been enhanced by what happened after, as many of the most successful groups of the generation came from them.

PS: hopefully we see more of Minju this year. 🦊

[skania]

AquaKane & OnK 148

Ohhhhh boy. I thought we would have to wait until July to get back to Aqua and Akane, so this chapter blindsided me lol

I know that the most on-the-nose reading of this chapter is that Aka is preparing to pull the classic romcom trope where the love interest gives up on the MC only so the rest of the cast can reassure her that she is the one who makes the MC happy, etc. etc. Considering that this is happening two chapters after Aqua told Kana that he has fun with her, it's like Aka is leading us all to believe that's where it's going. It's all very tropey and in-your-face and perfectly on brand with the way Aka has always written that particular ship.

So instead of talking about the obvious, I'd like to indulge my hopes for good writing and discuss the possibility of Aka actually subverting those tropes by playing this straight, regardless of how likely or unlikely it may be. Because if he does, then all of the stuff I've always loved about Aqua and Akane may just end up meaning something.

This is the possibility I'm rooting for against all odds after all, so I figure that I may as well go down throwing my ship the hurrahs it deserves while I can still do so lol

So buckle up because this is going to be long!

This chapter is a wild ride because it touches upon a lot of different things at once.

First, Aqua supposedly didn't want to be involved with Akane any longer in order to keep her safe.

However, when Akane announced that she would stop his plans — in other words, that she would stay involved in his life — Aqua looked giddy.

Look at him. When Aka allows him to actually emote and be an actual character, Aqua can be so funny!

True to form, in this chapter we see Akane come up to him and Aqua just... welcome her. In fact, he even asks her if she feels awkward around him. Instead of acting like they never dated (which is exactly what Akane has been doing, mind you), he himself brings their former relationship to the forefront.

There's a pause splitting his question in two, meaning that this is something Aqua hesitates to ask. Almost like he is scared of the reply. Or like he may be feeling a little awkward himself.

Which is no surprise, because that is how Aka himself presents their current era. Akane isn't just Akane and she isn't just a friend; she is Aqua's ex girlfriend, a title that never fails to bring attention to the fact that they used to be romantically involved.

From colleagues, to a fake couple, to partners, to a real couple and now they're in their Exes era. I've been waiting for Aka to explore all the tension and complexity that should bring, but he's been kind of busy off-paneling most things Aqua. Alas!

When I commented on Chapter 131, I mentioned that (to me) it feels like after Chapter 116, Akane found something to focus on. She isn't thinking about her relationship with Aqua, the only thing she has in mind is Aqua. Keeping him safe, helping him achieve happiness.

Even here during this chapter, she goes to him to ease his loneliness and remind him that he has people worth living for and that he deserves to be happy, but... nothing she says includes her. It's all about Aqua and the others, the others and Aqua.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Akane walks away from him with her eyes closed. Her mind is consumed with thoughts about wanting Aqua to be happy, and so she doesn't even notice the way he turns to look at her retreating back.

Until Kana shines her proverbial light on her, making Akane open her eyes.

The way the chapter is structured, it's like Kana is there to give Akane the answer — the missing piece to solve the Aqua Happiness Conundrum™ that Akane is so focused on. It's easy to think that the answer is predictably Kana herself, but since I'm here for Aqua and Akane, I'd like to believe the answer can be just as Kana says.

After all, who is prominently featured in what Aqua considers to be his happy days?

Kana's words are abrupt, yes, but the silver lining is that they reflect what Aqua himself has already told us.

Akane is front and center in what Aqua has come to know as happiness.

One may wonder: How TF does Kana know that though?? And it's a fair question that I'll talk about in a little bit, but maybe what matters most is that she knows it at all.

In a way, it feels almost like meta commentary. Like the story has finally reached the point where Aka can afford to go back to Aqua and Akane, and so he is getting ready to reap all the seeds he sowed during the previous arcs fingers crossed.

And this is the very first one of those seeds: Aqua was happy with Akane, but Akane never let herself think that she played an instrumental part in his happiness. She seems to think that it was just being freed from his revenge.

I'd even argue this right here was the true reason of their downfall. It wasn't Aqua finding out about the loophole and Akane not coming clean, it was the reason why she didn't come clean.

Aqua's happiness mattered so much to her that Akane failed to consider that risking her life for him was the last thing Aqua wanted.

So when I read the leaks and Kana's comment, my kneejerk reaction was to think Finally! because this could be setting in motion something I've been waiting for all along.

For Aqua and Akane to revisit their dynamic, their relationship, and come clean about what they mean to each other — wherever that may lead them.

Now, going back to Kana and that earlier question of how does she know? Perhaps she saw something we haven't been privy to (in classic Aka fashion). Or maybe it's as simple as Kana finally realizing that Aqua is deeply unwell, and knowing that the last time she saw him happy was back when he was dating Akane.

Considering the information Kana has and — especially — all the information she lacks, it's not far-fetched for her to come to the conclusion that Aqua's state is partly to blame on his break-up with Akane.

Once again, it would be easy for Aka to say that Kana got it wrong because she doesn't know anything about Aqua's revenge. But wouldn't it be ironic if Kana's lack of insight into that particular side of Aqua is what allows her to see something so simple that the very parties involved are missing it?

Regardless of the road she took to get there, I'd like to think the manga has given us enough reasons to believe Kana is not quite wrong.

After all, Aqua didn't get his black stars when he found out that his father was alive. It wasn't finding out about his father's identity that did it, either.

It was turning his back on Akane and on the naive thoughts of being happy in order to walk down the Revenge Road, on a chapter aptly titled "Going Astray", that gave Aqua his two black stars.

If that was the chapter where Aqua stepped away from the "correct path", so to speak, then it stands to reason to believe that Akane may be front and center in the path Aqua is meant to take.

Coincidentally, this was the last interaction Aqua and Akane were allowed to have before this chapter.

Another thing I find very important in c148 is the way Kana words her realization. Kana isn't telling all of this to Akane as an observer. She's saying it as someone who likes Aqua romantically.

This is in contrast to Akane and Aqua, who are two hot messes when it comes to identifying the nature of their own feelings.

Throughout the entire manga, we've never seen Akane put a label on the way she feels about Aqua. We've seen her realize why she feels the way she does, but we haven't seen her say what she feels, even though Aqua himself has questioned it.

Closest we got was this, and they broke up a chapter later.

Aqua has unexpectedly been more open than Akane in that regard, but... once again, they broke up literally one chapter after Aqua was at his most candid.

And considering everything that happened before and after that, I'm not sure if Akane actually got the message.

But before I get to that, there is an important difference in the way Akane was thinking of Aqua's happiness back then and the way she's thinking about it now.

Chapter 97 was even titled Together. Akane wanted to make Aqua happy, yes, and she also wanted to be together with him always. Just like Aqua wanted them to, according to his own admission: "I don't want to let go of these days... when you're by my side."

But all of that is missing in this most recent chapter. She no longer includes herself as part of the equation at all.

It truly feels like Akane is back to completely underestimating how much she means to Aqua.

Back when Aqua told her this:

Akane reacted like this:

And what is her reaction to Kana's words this chapter?

Every single time, Akane is taken aback by the thought of meaning more to Aqua than she thinks. Every. Single. Time.

This is sad and a little frustrating, but it's far from surprising. After all, this is how Akane has always interpreted their relationship:

As far as Akane is concerned, their relationship was a lie that was turning into truth little by little. She never dared to hope that he loved her back; hell, she even thought that he was attracted to Kana and wondered why he decided to date her instead.

To make matters worse, in Chapter 98, Aqua deliberately set the stage so that Akane's trust in him — the very basis of their relationship — would be broken.

So while Akane realizes that Aqua doesn't want to use her, she may have explained that away as Aqua being his kind self rather than as Aqua harboring any kind of special feelings towards her.

Regardless of how she interpreted his actions though, it seems likely that Akane thinks that she failed him.

She couldn't save him as his girlfriend and Aqua told her he would have nothing to do with her anymore, and so Akane is now trying to save him as something else entirely. Not even as a friend, because she hardly interacts with him at all.

She's trying to save him while staying away just like he wanted her to. While only stepping in when she deems it appropriate and/or necessary.

But is that really and truly what Aqua wants?

Most importantly, is that what Aqua needs?

This chapter suggests that may not be the case, and the rest of the manga agrees. Staying away is not how Akane saved Aqua little by little. This is how she did it:

That's why the way Kana worded her realization is important. It isn't only that Kana — the very girl Akane thought Aqua was attracted to — is bringing romance to the forefront and thus setting the stage for the nature of Akane's (and Aqua's) feelings to be finally cleared up.

It's also that Kana is showing Akane that it's possible to own her feelings while being selfless about his happiness.

After all, the ball right now is in Akane's court. In the state he is now, Aqua would never ever allow himself to chase his own happiness. Even when he thought he was free to do so, he felt that Akane deserved better than to be held back by him.

So all in all, it's like with this chapter alone Aka has laid the groundwork to address all the AquaKane elephants in the room. Just in time for the very season that will be showing AquaKane in all its glory to all the anime-only watchers, at that.

In each of the last arcs, Aqua has reconciled with someone important to him. Kana and Ruby are fully back in his life now, yet he isn't doing any better. Maybe it's finally Akane's turn to try again.

So yes, Kana's change of heart is so abrupt that it may be a red herring leading to a very predictable end.

But since I've made it this far, I may as well keep hoping for the opposite to be true: maybe, just maybe, Aka is planning to tie all of this together and lead it to a satisfying conclusion. I can only hope that is the case, because it's where I feel that the writing is at its best.

Besides, if "giving up on Aqua" and "turning his black star white" are so-called "winning flags", well... Akane did both of those first 😂

[darkestspring]

Please make a Part 3 but more Jace & reader centric but of course yandere Aegon and yandere Rhaenyra need to be there 😊

Jace was so different to anyone you had ever met, it shouldn't surprise you really. Jace had kind, he'd been respectful, and he'd indulged all of your rambling. it was more than anything anyone had done for you, other than aegon but that was different, aegon was your brother, jace was... you weren't sure what jace was.

No one had mentioned your marriage to jace since it had been official that your marriage to aemond was dissolved. You felt oddly disappointed about it but you spent most of your time with Jace, taking walks, eating together, going on dragon rides.

You liked with being jace.

"Sweet girl, are you doing well?" Rhaenyra was braiding your hair softly, she had dismissed the maid after you had been dressed, insisting she could help you from there on.

Your cheeks flushed red as you thought about her question. "Yes, I'm doing well, Sister."

"Mmmm, I'm glad Jace is treating you well." She said, just to see your reaction and she was disappointed as your cheeks flushed red.

She can come to realize that you were the opposite of how she was at your age, you didn't seem to have a lick of rebellion in your body. Even when you were made to marry Aemond, someone you didn't love and didn't want to marry, you still did. She wished you'd be a little rebellious. Even now, you had no protests about marrying someone you were only just starting to get to know.

"SIster, I am always in your corner. If you don't like something, just say it. I will get rid of everything you don't like." Rhaenyra reassured you, rubbing your back softly.

Tears pricked your eyes. "I..." You trailed off, unsure if you should say this. "Actually, I never wanted to marry Aemond but mother scared me. I... hated every second I spent around him but I still tried my hardest to love him. Every second I knew of his visits to the brothel, I wanted to tear all of his things to shreds."

It made you feel bad to admit this, you had hated every second of being married to Aemond, the agonizing loneliness paired horribly with the terror you felt at the prospect to voicing your dislike to Aemond who would say something to your mother. So, you swallowed everything and took all of the insults with a smile.

Having your mother call you a good girl for ignoring everything your husband was doing and taking all of the unfair insults with a smile made you feel sick. You wanted to scream at the unfairness.

"Why?" You sobbed into your hands. "Why did i have to hear insults about how inadequate I must be as a wife when he was the one going to that- that stupid brothel!" You wailed and Rhaenyra knew what hate felt like but she had never hated anyone as much as Aemond.

That stupid boy.

She locked eyes with Jace and she beckoned him forward slowly, knowing he had heard all of that.

"It's not your fault." Jace's voice shook you out of your stupor and your cheeks were red in embarrassment and you stood up.

"I-! I didn't hear you, I shouldn't have-" You stammered out in response, feeling embarrassed at letting the person that held your affections see you like this.

"There's no shame in crying, none of that was your fault. Aemond is stupid for not seeing how wonderful you are. You're kind and thoughtful and passionate." Jace took your hand in his. "If I was your husband, I'd never even think of anyone else. You're... like an angel."

Your cheeks flushed more. "Oh."

You had wanted to hear this for so long, at least one person genuinely comforting you.

"I will never think of anyone else but you. If you allow me to, I will always be by your side, helping you, loving you. You're the most wonderful person I know. If you still want to, I would love to be your husband."

Your tears returned but they were of happiness this time. "Really?" The first time it had been a reluctant affair, neither of you really wanting it but you were too scared to go against your mother but this time, you were really happy. "Yes!" You beamed up at him.

Rhaenyra smiled, she could finally show you the wedding planner she had been storing for the past few weeks.

[lovelytsunoda]

emergency contact // mercedes ( ii )

summary: in the sequel to 'you're on your own kid', y/n makes the first step in breaking out of her shell and overcoming her anxiety by attending her first race with the mercedes team. unfortunately for her, all it takes is four hours and a few text messages with a certain f2 driver to make things all come crashing down again.

things that i want, this happily ever after, you choke on your words just to swallow them after, asleep on the couch while you're passed out in the back, i just want you to be my emergency contact

pairing: platonic! mercedes amg f1 x reader, brief liam lawson x reader (unrequited)

warnings:anxiety and loneliness, fear of dying alone. unrequited love & miscommunication between liam and y/n, this one drags the f2 idiots into this disaster, heavy drinking

author's note: all i have to say is i'm sorry for inflicting emotional pain on you guys through this series, because it's totally becoming a series: merc helping baby intern navigate being an adult.writing fics on tumblr is cheaper than going to therapy and makes me feel better than going to therapy does. that's a joke, by the way.

breathe, y/n. just breathe

that's the mantra that she repeats to herself as she walks into the paddock, watching the frantically moving figures scramble around in front of her. it was overwhelming, the atmosphere like something that she had never experienced before.

truth be told, it scared her a little bit.

"just breathe, beautiful. you're safe." angela cullen encouraged, putting a reassuring hand on the young law clerk's shoulder.

"there's a lot of people here." she laughed nervously as the pair kept walking towards the mercedes hospitality suite. "i forgot that the filthy rich fans are also allowed back here."

you don't belong here. the voice in her head was back, the one that made her want to curl back into herself. it took forever for her to get to the point where she agreed to come with the team to a race. it was just silverstone, something very much local because she was still too anxious to fly overseas. susie had thought that it would be a good way for her to get to know people within the motorsports world, a way to become more comfortable with herself and the mercedes team.

"you'll be fine." angela encouraged. "if you keep your head down and keep walking quickly, you'll be at the garage before you know it."

most of the week leading up to silverstone had been spent with nyck, susie and angela, as george, toto and lewis were so busy getting race-ready. they'd done a day in london all as a team, a film camera sitting in her backpack was filled with pictures of her and the drivers doing all of the cheesy touristy things.

it had been the best week of her life.

but she knew that once it was over, it was back to normalcy. back to frozen tesco pizza and reruns of 'benidorm'. of course, her life had improved vastly since lewis and george had welcomed her into the group. she's started having monthly girls nights with susie and angela, and sometimes naomi schiff came along as well. they'd get their nails done and go out for dinner and drinks. it got y/n out of the house, and it made her feel like she was a part of something.

this was a feeling she had been chasing since she graduated high school.

a feeling that almost made the pain of watching all of her old friends move on with their lives: getting boyfriends and girlfriends, moving in with their partners, going out every other night with their large friend groups, and even getting married.

and it really hurt her to watch, knowing that everyone else was moving on but she was still stuck in the same place.

really, she just wanted to be loved.

"hey, kiddo!" toto waved to her as she and angela went into the garage.

the austrian had become a proper substitute for her father now that she was living on her own. all that toto wanted was for y/n to feel secure and comfortable with her job at the team. he was constantly making sure that she felt included, sometimes letting her in on things that not even the lawyers got to see just yet. despite his imposing appearance and his brash attitude, he was a big softie.

"hey, toto." she exhaled a breath, leaning in to give the team principal a hug. "thanks for inviting me along, really."

"anytime. hopefully this has been a good week for you, and maybe you'll consider coming to some of the races that are further from home, a little more outside of that comfort zone of yours?"

"i hope so too." she smiled sadly. "where do you need me today?"

"it's qualifying today, so we need all hands on deck. we've been struggling a little with pace this weekend, but i think we have a shot at the front row." toto began, passing y/n a set of headphones. "usually the crew who aren't needed during the qualifying brackets hang out in the back. i think george's girlfriend is back there too, if you'd feel more comfortable around carmen."

"thank you, toto. really, i don't think i can say it enough." y/n gushed, twirling the cord for the headphones around her ring finger.

toto smiled. "any time, kid."

she walked to the back corner of the garage, talking to some of the engineers and a few of the pit crew members on her way. the crew had welcomed her with open arms. she couldn't remember a time when she had felt more loved, but the void was still there.

she ached to be loved romantically. to be understood, treasured. for another person to want to spent the rest of his life by her side. to one day get dressed up in a nice white dress, and walk down the aisle in an old cathedral or a castle or a library and officially spend the rest of her life with someone she loved by her side.

"good luck out there, lewis." she tried to push the usual existential crisis out of her mind, giving the right-time world champion a tight hug before moving on to george, who could drape his whole lanky body over her if he tried. "you too, russell george. go kick some red bull ass, yeah?"

"you can bet we'll try!" george laughed.

"hey, if you get overwhelmed at all, the back door is right there." lewis said softly, nodding his head in the direction of a heavy metal door hidden in the wall, a fluorescent exit sign posted above.

"as long as you stick with carmen, you'll be in good hands." george agreed. "just stay within your comfort zone, don't push yourself too much."

"that was the plan. being here is out of the comfort zone enough. good luck, guys." she said again, moving to stand next to carmen montero in the back of the garage.

whenever she went to events where susie wasn't around and the drivers were busy, she always found herself gravitating towards carmen. she barely knew george's girlfriend except for the fact that carmen was normal and hardworking just like she was and that this world as as new to carmen as it was to y/n.

the first qualifying session ended, and the cars returned to the garages while the commentators reset the clock. the merc garage was suddenly a hub of activity, and y/n couldn't help but notice how her anxiety was spiking as she took off the headphones and reached for her purse.

"everything okay?" carmen asked softly, putting a hand on her shoulder.

y/n nodded. "just need some breathing room. i'm going to run and get a hot chocolate from hospitality. do you want anything?"

carmen shook her head. "don't worry about me, love."

y/n slipped out of the garage through the back door, pulling her aviator sunglasses over her eyes against the british sun. there was a slight breeze in the paddock that had her pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her knuckles. the paddock was calmer now, save for the five drivers who hadn't made it through to q2 hanging their heads as they made their way back to their hospitality suites.

"hi, y/n!" alexander albon waved, a bright smile on his face. she'd only ever met alex once or twice, because the williams driver was so close with george. but alex had welcomed her immediately.

"hey, alex. it's a pity about q1."

"eh, i drive a williams." alex shrugged. "what can you do?"

as alexander headed back towards the williams garage, y/n headed towards the hot chocolate vendor, lining up behind mechanics and engineers, hospitality workers and pr reps who were trying to warm up from the cold. though the calendar declared that it should have been the summer, it felt like the spring, a damp kind of cold seeping into everybody's bones.

as she walked back to the garage with a paper cup warming her hands, she stopped to talk to a group of boys sitting on a patio table near the mercedes hospitality suite after frederik vesti waved her over.

fred had driven in f2 that morning, a qualifying that saw him starting in the middle of the pack.

"oi, fred, don't you have a debreif to be at?" y/n joked, playfully pushing him in the side as she took a seat next to him at the table.

"oh, fuck off." the junior driver laughed. "y/n, this is dennis, liam, clement, marcus and jack, they're some of my mates from f2."

as the boys waved at her one by one, she knew exactly why frederik had waved her over.

he was trying to get her to make friends.

"so, what brings someone like you out to the paddock? i don't think that we've seen you 'round here before." the blond that fred had pointed out as liam spoke first.

he had a kiwi accent that made y/n's legs go weak, her heart beating faster in her chest as she nervously combed her hair behind her ear. "i work in the legal department. i don't know a lot about how things actually work around here, i just help file the paperwork for it."

"oh, so she's a smart one." clement cheered, raising his glass of sprite for a toast. "we need more people like you around here."

talking to the boys gradually became easier. it was a relief for y/n, to see that people were so thrilled about having her around, that they seemed to like her so quickly, with no strings attached. people who wouldn't expect anything from her, but just enjoyed talking to her.

it felt amazing to be appreciated, to be liked by people who weren't obligated to.

"i should head back. q2 is almost over, and i should see if toto needs me." she said, raising her voice slightly to be heard over the laughter from one of clement's jokes. "but this has been really great, guys. really."

"what's your instagram?" marcus asked, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "we'll put you in the group chat." he passed her the phone, not missing the way that her face lit up as she searched for her own profile in the app, adding herself to marcus' f2 group chat.

"we were all going out later." liam added. "it's nothing much, just a way to decompress before the weekend starts. you're more than welcome to join us, if you wanted to."

"really?" she couldn't stop her face from breaking out in a grin. "i wouldn't want to trouble you guys."

"it's no trouble. i insist."

"okay. text me the details, and i'll be there."

________

the evening rolled around fast. she stood in front of the closet mirror in her room of the rented mercedes villa, running her hands over her thighs before proceeding to scrutinize the rest of her appearance in the mirror. frederik had promised to drive her, and she wanted to be ready before he threw on some cologne and grabbed his car keys from the kitchen counter.

there was a soft knock on her door, and after y/n gave permission for the person on the other side to open it, susie wolff stepped into the room.

“you look great, kiddo.” she said with a smile. “remember to have fun tonight, okay? just be yourself.”

“in the past, that hasn’t exactly worked out for me.” y/n sighed, rolling up the sleeves of her form/fitting long sleeves shirt to spray her arms with a bath and body works spray.

“and if you feel like coming home early, don’t hesitate to call me or angela, alright hon?”

y/n laughed, reaching for the small quartz necklace she had draped over the airbnb's dresser. she'd be lying if she said she wasn't nervous. although marcus, clement, liam and dennis seemed to like her, she was still nervous about going out with them all, being thorwn headfirst into a night out with a group of drivers that have spotty reputations.

"thanks, susie. for everything." and she truly meant it. the wolff's had been so important into making her field placement feel like home, and not just another thing she needed to do to get her diploma.

she followed susie downstairs, where frederik was talking to one of the engineers, a glass of sparkling water in his hand and a set of keys dangling from his fingers.

"ready to go?" the frenchman asked, pushing away from the counter. "marcus is wondering where we are."

"hang on, hang on." nyck de vries laughed, cutting the junior driver off midsentence. "it's baby's first night out! we need to remember this!"

the intern rolled her eyes. the entire scenario reminded her of how her parents acted when she went to prom. susie backed away and y/n attempted to pose against the cinnamon colored wall as toto got his phone out. she locked eyes with nyck behind the counter, mouthing the words 'fuck you, shortass' before going back to smiling at toto.

"have fun tonight, kiddo." lewis said with a bright smile, his voice calming her down as the seven time world champion patted her gently on the shoulder. "and please try and stop frederik from doing something stupid."

"oi!" fred shouted through laughter. "come on, we should get going before clement gets too drunk."

"don't scare the poor girl!" toto scolded. "you will be fine. and if any of them do anything you don't like, i'll have words with them."

________

the club was hazy, shrouded in purple lights. the drivers had rented out a private room in the back corner of the building. her chest felt tighter as she followed frederik, the anxiety beginning to set in.

fred reached for her hand. "you've got this. they don't bite. clem is a little feral, but if you're firm with him he'll leave you alone."

she nodded. "okay. here goes nothing."

when the door opened, she had to take a minute to take in what was happening. clement novalak and dennis hauger were doing shots at a table in the middle of the room while the rest of the f2 grid were gathered around them (save for a brazilian with a mane of hair who was sitting in the corner, making out with a girl of about twenty) chanting 'shots, shots, shots' before dennis tapped out and clement howled with victory.

oh dear lord, what am i doing here? she wondered, taking in the chaos unfolding in front of her.

"hey, dickheads!" fred shouted. "i want you to meet someone!"

activity around the table stilled, dennis and clement cheering when they say y/n.

and she'd be lying if she said that their enthusiasm didn't make her feel a little warm and fuzzy on the insides.

"woah, she's hot." a swiss guy with curls of blonde hair framing his face looked over, slurring his words slightly. he was likely the drunkest out of all of them, a vape pen sticking out of his jeans pocket.

"fuck off, ralph! she's the same age as dennis, don't make this weird." marcus laughed, stealing one of the remaining shots from dennis' side of the table.

"that's ralph boshung, he's our version of fernando alonso. he's twenty-five and he's shite, but he brings camps money." dennis laughed, throwing one tattooed arm over y/n's shoulders. "he's a dick, but he's harmless."

"pleasure." she croaked as she moved closer to the table. "now who'd everybody else?"

"right, so that's roy, logan, jehan, amaury, marino, enzo, richard, theo, ayumu, zane, calan, olli, the one in the corner there is felipe-"

that's too many people. she felt overwhelmed, but she wasn't quite sure how to tell dennis that. some of the guys she recognized from the pictures they used as their profile pictures on the group chat, and others she'd never seen before.

"do you want a shot?" clement asked, draping his body over hers as he held the small tequila glass in front of her face.

"i'm good." she said calmly, shaking her head as she sat down in the booth, taking a seat next to who she assumed was zane maloney. "i don't really drink, can't stand the taste of alchohol."

zane snorted. "smart choice. trust me, these lot do a lot of funny shit when they're drunk."

"clem is a riot when he's wine drunk. he'll start randomly speaking french, or change his accent midsentence." jehan added with a laugh. "it's so fucking funny."

the song playing outside changed, and the boys let out a cheer.

"boys, to the dance floor!" ralph yelled, pointing towards the door as he slipped his sunglasses on his face for no other reason than to try and look cool.

and suddenly the room was practically empty: a mjorty of the drivers had departed for the dance floor, felipe's woman had vanished, and suddenly there were only four of them in the room: felipe, y/n, dennis and marcus.

"you two don't usually stay behind when those idiots go to make bad decisions and piss their trainers off." felipe remarked, looking at marcus and dennis. "are you sure you're all right?"

marcus shrugged. "we don't want y/n sitting in here on her own, do we? that's not why we invited her out."

"thank you, for that. i'm not a club kind of person, in case you couldn't already notice. too many people, too many things going on. it overwhelms me."

"no worries!" dennis insisted. "trust me, you don't want to be out there right now anyways. do you want anything to drink, even just like a soda or something?"

"a sprite would be nice."

"get the woman a sprite!" felipe shouted, shoving the two other driver's out of the booth. "go on, what are you lads here for?"

they all laughed as marcus and dennis fought over who would have the horror of walking over to the bar and ordering the soft drink. dennis ended up losing, the norwegian cursing jokingly at marcus before he slipped out of the room, music still shaking the drywal.

all throughout the night, the drivers seemed to rotate staying with y/n, keeping her company or splitting a plate of fries with her. they all genuinely seemed like nice people and she was almost glad that she had let frederik convince her that coming out tonight was a good idea.

"you should dance!" liam insisted, stealing the last greasy french fry from the ceramic plate. "come on, what are you so scared of?"

"uh, making a fool out of myself? ending up on a formula two gossip page? or worse, a wags page where the comments section get into fights with each other trying to figure out which one of you idiots i was here with in the first place and who i went home with or who i had a threesome with?"

liam cackled. "does your brain ever slow down?"

"not at all." she answered, dead serious. her brain was a very scary place to be.

"come on, get out of your head for a little bit. you only live once, baby merc."

y/n grinned, hoping that the dim lights did something to hide the blush on her face. "baby merc? did frederik tell you that toto calls me that?"

"he might have mentioned it." liam grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "so, what do you say?"

y/n shook her head, crossing her arms before leaning back in her seat. "i don't even like this kind of music."

liam raised an eyebrow. "that can be easily fixed."

she was about to say something back when she finally recognized one of the songs on the stereo. when 'spice up your life' by the spice girls started to play, she couldn't stop her face from breaking into a grin.

"come on now, you have to dance!" liam insisted as the door slid open and clement novalak came in, sashaying his hips as he walked up to the tables.

"it's the spice girls!" the frenchman shouted. "you are legally obligated to dance, baby merc!"

with both clement and liam trying to convince her, there wasn't any fight left to try and talk them, or herself, out of it. "fine. you guys get one song. one."

she said one song, but the way she felt when she finally got out there, dancing with the group of boys, singing the spice girls at the top of their lungs as liam took her by the hand. she felt alive, a smile threatening to tear her skin apart.

she took out her phone, swiveling the camera to face them all as they screamed the chorus, the boys drunk and sweaty and rambunctious, a glow over her skin that she didn't recognize.

the glow of confidence and contentment.

________

when she and fred got back to the villa, she felt giddy as she ran back up the stairs to her room, kicking off her shoes and flopping back on the bed, clutching the cool screen of her phone to her chest.

while she felt this high, like she was walking on air, there was something she needed to do.

to liam: hey liam! big thanks for inviting me out with you guys tonight. i had an incredible time and it was nice getting to know you. i was wondering if maybe you wanted to get together for a coffee or something during a race weekend?

she pressed send with her eyes screwed shut. it was the riskiest text she could remember sending. she dropped the phone, getting back to her feet and busying herself while she waited for liam to text her back, stopping her hands from shaking from worry.

she changed out of her clubbing clothes, dressing in flannel pajama bottoms and an oversized shirt for a band that she went to see when she was in her freshman year of high school.

oh how things had changed for her since then. she should be proud of herself, she knew. but some days she didn't feel like she had moved on from that stuffy london secondary school.

her phone vibrated on the bed, and she braced herself for the worst, even as she lunged faster than the speed of light to grasp the device in her hands.

and then she felt her stomach drop, the bad feeling spreading through her bones as she felt like she couldn't support her body weight on her own any more.

rejection.

from liam: heyyyyyy.....i had a great time with you today as well, and you seem like a really nice person, and i really hate to be the one to burst your bubble like this, but i'm already seeing someone. her name is olivia, i met her back in new zealand.

she was now three for three, and more concerned that she was going to die alone than ever.

______

"she's been out there a while." george russell said slowly, nodding his head in the direction of the back dec. it was dark outside, the stars visible above the trees. "frederik, what happened when you guys were out? who do we have to hurt?"

fred shook his head. "i have no idea. she was having a great time, dancing with liam and clement. the boys were tripping over each other to talk to her, make her feel welcome. whatever happened must have happened after we came back."

the mercedes drivers looked out the patio door again, hearts aching at the sight of y/n leaning over the deck railing, a sad and despondent expression on her face.

"i'm going to go and talk to her." lewis said, getting to his feet and sliding the door open.

his heart ached for the girl who so badly wanted to leave her mark on the world. the girl who was scared of dying alone at such a young age, scared she'd never be loved or treasured. scared that she would be alone for the rest of her life, that everything was simply temporary.

"y/n, are you alright?"

"he's seeing someone else. i finally thought i had a fucking chance to be loved, and he's seeing someone else." her voice broke, a single salty tear beginning to make it's track down the pale expanse of her skin. and as that first one fell, more and more followed. "am i unlovable, lewis?"

and that's when lewis felt his heart break. y/n was too young to feel the pain of the world, the pain of heartache. he knew what it was like to bleed love into the world and not get enough back. to still feel that void inside of you.

"don't say that, love. you are not unlovable. he just wasn't the right person for you. do you want to talk about it?"

"not really."

"that's fine." he was standing next to her now, looking out at the backyard and the trees. y/n looked so small, hiding behind the old concert shirt that was four sizes too big, but that she had bought that way because she was already paying too much for it, so it might as well last her four or five years of growth.

"but know that this is not a reflection on you. this is all on him. and you put yourself out there tonight. that must have been a massive step for you. you should be proud of yourself, even though it's hurting right now."

she caught a shadow moving behind her out of the corner of her eye, hearing the deck creak under the weight of footsteps.

"who was it?" toto wolff's voice was deep, tinged with anger that someone had decided to cross his favorite intern. the one that he thought of as family as much as he did his own three kids. in fact, he had considered introducing y/n and benedict, as they were at a similar age and he knew that she could use a friend. "i don't care who he is or what driver's academy he's in, i just want to have a little chat with him."

y/n laughed, shaking her head as she pictured toto storming into the red bull garage to yell at poor liam for hurting his favorite intern. "you don't have to do that. i need to learn how to deal with these things on my own."

lewis turned his head, giving her and understanding look. "remember we're here if you need us, okay? you never have to go through something like this alone again."

"oi, is there another party that i never got invited to?" george proclaimed, making his presence known on the deck. the group laughed, remembering the day they had all met, the day they became what they were today, when y/n had been sobbing on the rocks by the factory parking lot.

"just needed a little cheering up, that's all." she said, resting her head against toto's arm. "it's been a day. too many emotions for me to handle."

she thought again about liam's text, a stab of pain ricocheting through her heart. she just had to trust that things were going to work themselves out, because sometimes that was the onyl thing that there was to do.

maybe it was time to take fate into her own hands. should she try a dating app? a speed dating event? god forbid she join a singles club.

"nyck just got out the scrabble board." george remarked off handedly. "between the four of us and carmen, i think we could kick some serious scrabble ass, don't you think?"

lewis laughed. "says the guy that only played three letter words last time we played."

"i didn't have y/n on my team." george proclaimed, placing his hands on the intern's shoulders. "she's the smart one here. so what do you say?"

y/n smiled. "deal me in. i'm gonna kick both your asses."

she'd worry about getting a boyfriend later. but for now, she had the best found family she could have ever asked for.

Tags:

@libraryofloveletters @magnummagnussen @sidcrosbyspuck @scuderiamh @diorleclerc @daydreamingleclerc

[missingkittyfan]

YANDERE BARISTA OC X GN READER

warnings: yandere themes, mention of death (the loss of a family member), mentions of depressive episodes, obsessive thoughts, unhealthy mindset

Aaron let out a quiet sigh as he prepared the coffee for the customer, tiredly looking at the glass window - it's been a stressful day so far since he's been dealing with grouchy, unreasonable customers. Getting complaints about their drink not being done right even though he does it by order, making sure the ingredients are correct. He wished this shift could be over already, not really wanting to do anything else for the entire day. A lot of things were on his mind and he didn't know how to deal with this crippling loneliness ever since his mother had unfortunately passed away. Her death being for some reason unknown, no one really know what had happened to her exactly.

He walked over to the counter before setting down the warm cup of coffee down, glancing at the person and giving them a polite yet slightly strained smile. "Here you go, that will be $3.65." He stated, awaiting for their payment although the customer seemed to be- hesitant..? Aaron looked away for a moment as the two stood in silence. Finally, the male let out a nervous laugh as he scratches the side of his cheek. "Oh- err.. well, I- only have two bucks so.. maybe I can just give it to you now and next time give you the rest?" He replied, smiling awkwardly.

Aaron however wasn't amused, his smile twitching a bit but still tried to kept his composure.

"Ah- I'm sorry sir but that isn't.. allowed. You're supposed to pay full price now." he said, "I can just discard of the coffee and you can come back later and-" The man cuts him off by abruptly grabbing the cup, spilling some drops of coffee onto the counter. "Great! I'll see you tomorrow then. I promise to pay you later." With that the man exited the building leaving aaron with a baffled expression. He gritted his teeth, clenching his fist as he watched him leave. He was so close from just busting out of here and strangle him - dealing with parasitic people like him infuriates him. He hated his time being wasted.

He sighed, he shouldn't feel like this. Just one more hour and he'll be free to go! It's not like everyday this doesn't happen.

Aaron rested his arm onto the counter, almost hoping one person doesn't walk into here.

That was until his eyes lingered towards someone.

And that someone in question was you.

Of course usually he wouldn't focus on someone's appearance especially since he didn't quite have the luxury to focus on pursuing a relationship. He didn't really bother trying to. he thought himself as a unlovable person, likely to die alone and never having to live the life that he truly wanted. Not really having a goal and rather went with the ride.

It was sad, really - but he tried not fuss himself too much about it.

He continued thinking about what should he do besides laying onto the bed, feeling hopeless and miserable most of the time. The brown haired male watched you entering inside the café before giving him a warm.. smile.

A smile that he swore he felt his cheeks reddening up but brushed it aside and kept it professional as he greets you. "Hey, welcome! Is there anything I can get you on this fine afternoon?" He asked as you walked towards his direction, "Thank you and yes! I'm on my break so I would just like a iced latte, not really looking forward into eating something at the moment. Caffeine is all I need," you answered, laughing. "It's a slow tiring day don't you think? My dear co-worker has been kind of salty, giving me the cold shoulder. Some days aren't your day I guess!" You realized you were rambling, quickly becoming silent for a second. "Sorry- I've came here for a iced coffee not small talk .. I shouldn't put my problems on a hardworking barista like yourself, you seem tired and stressed even. Are you- okay?" You frowned, noticing the dark circles underneath his eyes. He looked like he hasn't been getting enough proper rest.

His eyes widen a bit, snapped out of his thoughts to realize your concern for him before shooting you a smile. "Ah- no no! it's fine, i'm fine.. I appreciate your concern. It's not often we get people like you so it's really.. refreshing. Thank you." he said, "I'll be on it now, don't wanna waste your time." He grabbed a plastic cup - preparing your drink as you patiently wait. You stared at the busy traffic in silence, watching few people on the sidewalk having a phone conversation.

He glanced at you for a moment, admiring your features. His lips curled into a slight smile, you were so sweet and graceful with your words and actions. Your charm beginning to draw him in, and yet- he didn't want to admit it nor deny.. but he knew for certain he was intrigued and wanted to know more about you. Wanted to know what's your name, your interests and dislikes.. and maybe more. "So, uh.. feel free to not answer but how come I've never seen you before? You look like a new face in town," he chuckled before muttering to himself. "A pretty one at that.."

You looked at him before a smile formed onto your lips once again, "Oh! Yeah- I've actually moved here a week ago believe it or not. It wasn't long before they had recommended this place that serves good coffee. The atmospheres looks so nice! I really love the aesthetic so I'm assuming they must be right after all." You replied, almost going on a tangent.

God your voice was soothingly pleasing to listen to, he could just hear you talk endlessly without getting tired of hearing it. You had such a way with words, he tried not to urge himself into trying to hear more from you after all you were just a customer. It would seemed weird if he had try getting more information as possible.. right? He wasn't that kind of person, if he wanted so bad to get to know you better he could actually just.. ask you if he can spend some time with you and not be creepy about it.. He didn't want to come off too strong already but.. this feeling, it was overwhelming and he couldn't get enough. He wanted more.

He wanted you. It was complicated and too much for him to take in.. is this what love actually feels like? The feeling of wanting to feel your embrace, your scent, and hearing his name flow off your tongue. If so, this felt amazing to him.

Aaron had finished making the iced latte, setting the cold drink down onto the counter. "That will be $4.65." He said before you nodded in response, taking out your wallet and placing the exact amount. He grabbed it from you and puts the cash into the cash register. "Thank you, I hope you enjoy your drink and have a wonderful day!" He smiled.

"You too!" You practically yelled, leaving the place as you took a sip of your coffee.

He placed his hand onto his cheek, watching you walk away out of view before coming into a realization. His smile slowly turned into a melancholic frown. "Ah- I haven't.. asked for their name." He sighed, "shit- why do I have to mess things up? I loss my chance.. what if they never come back again?" He looked down at the counter, staring into the reflection of himself. "I hope that's not the case.. I want to get to know them. I need to learn much more about them.." He said to himself. Aaron had himself found a new fixation, a goal.

And that goal was to make you fall over heels for him as much as he did for you - to make you his and him yours.

[ashessonfire]

hello lovely!! would it be possible to write smth w wylan?? like, sweet little headcanons abt him in a relationship!! thank youu <3 love ur fics

Dating Wylan Van Eck - Headcanons <3

- Pairing - Wylan Van Eck x Reader (gender neutral)

A/N - Hi Hi!! One exam is down, only four more to go! Very soon my other works will be completed, but i missed writing so much, so here are some of my sweet headcanons for Wylan. I hope i have done him justice in this, as I am normally a Kaz type of girl. I hope i have done you proud anon <3333

Reminder - my requests are always open, please keep sending them! <3

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The most attentive partner you could ever find, he will pay you 100% of his attention no matter the topic

He never wishes for you to experience the loneliness and isolation he felt with your father, EVER

As a result of this, expect the sweetest and most heartfelt gifts to be hurriedly placed into your hands before he runs off to distract himself from the blush blooming across his face

Every single present you receive from him will be extremely intricate and personal, remembering childhood stories you've recalled, or things you wished for years ago

"I know you said it about six months ago, but..."

He does not forget nor ignore a single detail about you

Despite his sheepish nature, the longer you're with him, the more adorable outbursts occur

By this I mean sudden bursts of bubbling confidence as he explains something he's passionate about, or witty jokes he's thought of

"Well, actually, did you know that technically, humans can create their own venom? So, it starts with....."

Although he may be embarrassed and retreat into himself afterwards, any sign of encouragement from you would melt his heart, prompting him to keep opening himself up to you

Another thing that would simply make his heart implode, is if you took interest in his passions - allowing him to teach you simple chords on the piano, or help him produce a few basic chemical reactions down in the lab

Just showing care for the things he adores would result in him losing his mind, since very few people in his past had taken any true interest in him, at all

He would be the most gentle and patient teacher ever, placing soft kisses on your knuckles when you succeeded in getting a melody correct on the piano, or a peck on the cheek when you have accomplished anything

In terms of love languages, I am certain that Wylan actually uses all of them... <3

Although he can be nervous to express his feelings through words, he is a poetic and creative soul, so given time to grow comfortable with you, whispers of "I love you," or "I'm so lucky to have found you," would slowly slip into conversations

Quality time is a given for Wylan, since he's never had someone who wants his company for long, again wishing to shelter you from the pain he has experienced himself - expect many quiet evenings by the fireplace where he crafts melodies on the flute, and you bake or read in comfort

Once time has gifted the boy more confidence, expect his touch to increase swiftly, never wanting to let you go - soft brushes of your shoulders as you walk side-by-side, fingers gently interlocked, brushes of stray locks as the breeze shifts them...

He would do anything for you, no matter what you ask of him, so always expect your home to be spotless, your chores already completed when you turn to do them - with Wylan its very unlikely you will need to do much at all, he is so attentive

As mentioned earlier, gift giving is definitely one of his favorite ways to express his love, clearly portraying his heart to you when his words may fail him

In terms of what he wants and needs in a relationship? I think his standards would be on the floor, merely needing your presence in a room to comfort him

However once he realizes that you reciprocate his acts of love? Well I think he'd be completely at your mercy by that point

Although it may take some time to stop his fretting and insecurities, once he accepts that he doesn't just have to give, but he can receive love back, he is the happiest he has ever been in his life

With your love and affection, he would absolutely thrive, becoming a more confident and strong version of himself - slowly stripping him of his nervous behaviour and allowing his true self to shine more often

To me, a relationship with Wylan would be a gentle, affectionate, and peaceful experience - both partners being showered in love constantly

Being with him is like having a personal ray of sunshine, who would express his love for you in any way he can <3

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p.s ~ any reposts help me infinitely!! ^^

[headbangaelp]

Big Brother 2023: It's All Worth It

oh man, where to start. i just want to say thank you so much for the everlasting love and support for the past four or five months of big brother. it means the world to all of us. every day we would be in the house not knowing if people cared about us, so we took it upon ourselves to make people care. and that shows how citizens can make real change.

like i said last night, my unityverse journey hasn't been the easiest. i started off doing the most regrettable actions, had to pay the price for three years and finally got the chance to come back. of course it wasn't perfect - i was angry with this place for letting me leave so easily. but the truth was that i needed that. i need some sort of passion to fuel me and give me a purpose to show how i can be now. i spent the first few months of my unityverse journey recalling what i'd done, apologizing and owning up to it. i wanted to show unityverse that i am a changed person. and that just so happens to be seen in my wrestling career too.

i started appreciating the fans, and well... i started to appreciate unityverse more. there's so much to love about this place - it gives people the opportunity to be challenged but to also showcase their best qualities through those challenges. every time i went through an obstacle, i tried to keep this mindset, but it was pretty difficult since the feeling of loneliness consumed me.

big brother allowed me to put all of my worries and feelings aside and start fresh with a brand new group of people that were just as nervous as me. we were able to bond together and even though the journey wasn't perfect, we were like family. we fought, we supported each other and we believed in each other. even though this competition got a lot of criticism, we stayed true to our beliefs and knew that we were not being given the platform to make people care. and so we started to create that platform.

when alex and i walked out of the big brother house, that was the moment where things in big brother shifted. unityverse always wants to see something new, so that's what we did. it allowed people to build conversations and develop opinions, which is what unityverse is supposed to do. in one of my confessionals i said that win or lose i accomplished my goal - i got people to care again.

i said it in my acceptance speech but holy fuck i missed so much while competing - the entire g1, joining g.o.d., winning the strong openweight tag titles, half of world tag league - but winning this entire competition makes the struggle worth it. seeing all of you cheer for me and support me is something i never thought i'd see and i am so grateful for it every day.

i'm going to carry my big brother win with love. i want this to be a moment where people can see the potential in unityverse. there's still so much work left to be done. there's still so much emotion we have to convey. we all have the privilege on a daily basis to connect with each other and we should take advantage of that. no more holding grudges, but embracing each other with respect. after three years of fighting with hatred towards this place, i fought with heart and that is the reason why i'm here as your winner.

thank you to everyone that believed in me. thank you to the executive producers, interviewers and announcers. thank you to the garcia twins. thank you to the big brother 2023 roster.

Thank you UnityVerse. I LOVE YOU! 🫶

[bruh-myguy-what]

If Not Him, Perhaps Me

Hoooooooo boy! I cannot believe how long it's been. It's almost criminal I've let this go on for so long without an update. I hate doing that...but the ADHD and life decided that just couldn't- which was great (derogatory). However! I am back. Fully, entirely, and totally invested in restarting this series because I still love the idea and want to see it through. I now have an AO3 as well, so I will posting all of the updates and original parts there once I get everything organized.

If you were part of the original tag list and would like to not longer be apart of it, no hard feelings- just message me to let me know and you will be promptly removed for the notifications!

But! If you would like to be added or I forgot to add you- since it's been 140000 years- please just let me know! (whether via message or comment)

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Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Pairing- Thrawn x f!reader x Luke Skywalker

Summary- After being aboard the Chimera, for who knows how long, you've grown accustomed to the troopers and how things operate, but one thing that just won't become easy is dealing with Grand Admiral Thrawn.

Word Count- 3.5K

Warnings- Mentions of kidnapping, confrontation, angst

Days turned into weeks which, you could only assume, was closely turning into a month. There were no signs of Luke knowing where in the galaxy you might be or even where to begin looking for you. At the earlier stages of your confinement, fear settled in your heart when the thought of being left aboard an Imperial Star Destroyer alone...without Luke, reared its head. Over time though, complete loneliness dissipated and was replaced by the friendly interactions you participated in with a few Storm Troopers that were in charge of your immediate well-being. "Are you ready for your lunch today," a familiar modulated voice echoed through your small confinement as he called your name.

Lifting your head from the notebook given to you a few weeks prior, a sigh escaped your lips. "I don't know, Danver, is it that gross mush stuff again or, will I be allowed to eat normal food for once while here?" Your comment garnered a laugh from the trooper as he opened the cell doors, setting the plate on a table given to you at Thrawn's request.

"Sorry, pal," the soldier replied, his modulated voice still resonating with a smile, "not even we get to enjoy delicacies like that aboard the Chimera."

While scooting yourself off the comfortable cot you currently spent your time nestled in (which too had been replaced at the request of the Grand Admiral after you'd mentioned off-handedly something about neck and back pain), you set aside the drawing book. A look of displeasure crossed your face, "who honestly eats this stuff willingly?" A disgruntled mumble was all the trooper beside you needed to hear, to pat your shoulder assuringly in response.

"Apparently, you do," his laugh caused your shoulders to slump. "Don't act so melodramatic. At least you're the admiral's favorite prisoner," Danver's joke hardly seemed comical to you as the cell forcefield reappeared behind him. "You might be the admiral's favorite person entirely aboard the Chimera, in fact." 

A snort escaped from between your lips as you disregarded the boring plate, preferring the growling in your stomach over the same taste of dried fruits and cold meat. "That's real cute, Danver." You quipped, "Next time, why don't you let him know that so maybe I can go home instead of being held captive here."

Raising his hands in defense, the trooper shook his head. "Listen snarky, all I'm saying is that if you complain about something, it changes, and at a good speed too. If you mention that you're bored, you receive gifts to prevent said boredom- again- at a pretty astounding rate. You also have an array of soldiers at your doorstep to keep you company- though that one could be because we all like you," he laughed at the end of his explanation. His words surprised you, the conviction in which he mentioned the favoritism Thrawn had seemingly shown you caught you off guard. Skepticism lurked in your glare at your newfound "friend" as you stole a glance at the journal gifted to you. "Everyone else has mentioned it, not just me. I've just been the first one to say something to you, apparently." He chuckled again at the suspicious look on your face.

"You're laughing, but I don't find the joke funny..." you grimace at the trooper.

"That's because I'm not joking, snarky," Danver responded steadily and even behind the black visor, you could feel his unwavering stare. "Believe it or not, the admiral has taken a liking to you and all of the Chimera crew can tell." And with a salute, the trooper left you with a thousand thoughts swirling.

There was no way someone as stern and withdrawn as Thrawn would have any kind of favorites, at all, let alone aboard the Chimera. He was only using you to get to Luke, that was it.

Though...

Your thoughts drifted to the conversations you'd been having recently. While you couldn't recount exactly how long you had been on the Chimera, you knew it had felt long enough to feel an odd...growth to your chats with Thrawn. He had been what, you guessed, would be considered "kinder" when he spoke directly to you. At times he had even invited you to his office merely to speak about your art or have you critique some other interesting pieces he had gathered over his years of travel. Thinking about it long enough it did seem that you were learning more facets of the Grand Admiral, though nothing about him personally, just...small details that one could only learn about someone from being in their presence enough.

Of course, even under this realization, there was hardly any way you were going to be kind back to him. He was an Imperial Grand Admiral using you to gain control over the rebel cause, 'Over my dead body.' You thought stubbornly to yourself.

If Thrawn wanted to bring the Empire back into power again, he'd have to do it without your knowledge or help. You just hoped he wouldn't catch onto clues about things as easily as he'd seemed to have with your previous art.

Picking at the pages of your journal, you fidgeted in thought.

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"She seems to be acclimating very well, sir," a modulated voice spoke in reply to an earlier command, "the troopers all seem to love her. While the other crew members don't seem to interact with her all that much, when we escort her on her strict walks around the vessel, she keeps to herself and doesn't seem to nose around."

Something about this sudden growing knowledge of how well you had been treating his troopers bothered Thrawn. You'd been aboard the Chimera for going on three months and yet in your constant visits with him you still refused to open up at all, quipping with biting comments and passive-aggressive retorts, even when asked simple questions.

The duality perplexed him. Of course, he understood very well that he had never been known for his social skills, even back in the Ascendancy. Even then he expected that at some point you would see he didn't desire for your entire stay aboard his vessel to be excruciating.

Though at times it seemed you'd rather it be such way.

You were unbearably tenacious.

Difficult to speak with about any subject, and downright defiant at some intervals.

It...astonished Thrawn.

"Captain," the cold, calculating voice finally broke the long growing silence, "tell me, why do you believe our captive is so," he pondered for a moment, "agreeable with you?" The Chiss stopped his journey, to stand before the large sculpture in his office- scrutinizing it.

Silence ensued once more as the Storm Trooper considered the question, "U-Uh...sir?"

Turning only his head to glance over at the soldier standing taut by the door, Thrawn encouraged, "I am simply endeavoring to understand what it is she sees so sociable in my troopers, Captain."

"W-Well sir, it seems to me that since she trusts us to not harm her, we have gained her confidence. She's mentioned how scrutinizing you are about her, she..." The trooper wavered for a moment, "She seems to distrust you, uh, sir."

"I see."

The curt reply concerned the captain, but he remained diligent in his stance.

"You are dismissed, Captain. Thank you for your time." Thrawn returned to look back over at the large statue.

"Y-Yes sir!" The trooper bowed quickly and retreated through the doors behind him.

Left alone in the quiet of his office, the Grand Admiral considered what he’d been told. "She does not trust me, hmm?" He wandered back over to his desk, lowering himself into his seat. "It would seem my efforts have not had their desired result. Perhaps I must attempt something more... suitable."

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"Ya know, I feel like at this point, we could honestly just," you paused dramatically, gesturing for a moment with your hands, "stop wasting our time with these meetings, don't you?"

Thrawn sat idly in his chair, behind his desk, elbows propped up on his desk to steeple his fingers in thought, silently watching you. He'd called you in for another round of conversation at random and it had felt as if all fear had left the atmosphere that surrounded him- now you were just annoyed.

"I feel like we've gone back and forth enough for you to understand that your little gifts?" You lifted the journal he requested you to bring this time, "They aren't going to sweeten me up to you."

"Are you unhappy with the opportunity to practice your art once more?" His sudden question caught you off point as you opened your mouth to continue your tirade, mouth now hanging open dumbly. "Perhaps I have misunderstood your subtle requests then. If you are so displeased with my efforts, then you are more than welcome to return the journal."

Was this guy serious? Was he guilt-tripping you?

Lost for a response, you sat back in your seat, contemplatively. Were you being ungrateful? Had this "warlord of the Empire" truly tried to do something nice for you?

No.

He kidnapped you!

No way!

A small intake of air and the soft rustle of clothing caught your attention and looking back over the desk you saw Thrawn had resumed his casual position in his seat- inclining back a bit, a long leg crossed over the other as he grabbed up his datapad. "I have arranged for you to be transferred into your own personal quarters. Your things are being moved as we speak, please come to me if there is anything out of place. There shall be a set of Storm Troopers at your door to ensure your safety," then his glowing eyes met yours, severe and still unnerving, "and to dissuade your premature and unannounced departure from my ship."

Narrowing your eyes at the admiral, you cocked your head in confusion and irritation. "Wha-?"

"It would seem we have nothing further to discuss," Thrawn interrupted with an oddly soft use of your name, averting his eyes back to the datapad in his hands, "you are dismissed. A trooper outside shall see you to your new space."

Why did he keep interrupting you?!

"But I'm not finished!" You protested heatedly, rising from your seat to place your hands and journal on the desk. Leaning furiously toward the Chiss, "Why are you being so weirdly nice to me? You want information, I know it, but I'll be damned if you think I'm stupid enough to fall for these petty acts of kindness as your method of manipulation."

Your frustration was only met with calm silence, not a shifting of his red eyes, nor a flinch in his body. He seemed thoroughly unimpressed by your outrage. 'How dare he ignore me!' You fumed, gripping the desk edge until your knuckles were white.

"Damn it, Thrawn! I don't care if you're a Grand Admiral of some extinct Empire, I will not be ignored!"

"It would surprise you then, to hear that perhaps I am not manipulating you?" Again with his dumb questions as responses!

That didn't settle your anger any and it seemed as if Thrawn could sense that, as he sat down his datapad, leaned forward, and grabbed the discarded journal from in front of you. "Perhaps", he spoke casually, surveying the worn cover, then before speaking again, met your eyes with what seemed like....warmth? "You have genuinely piqued my inquisitiveness and whether you are connected to a Jedi is no longer an appeal of mine, but rather you are."

An odd feeling settled over you at his gaze. Whereas before Thrawn had only ever seen through you- or so it felt- he was staring...at you now. His eyes seemed to carry the oddest hint of tenderness, maybe? It was something new, something you hadn't seen in his stare before, and you had been the subject of most of his glaring recently.

Even as you stood there, voiceless, the admiral's eyes simply observed you. A warmth spread into your cheeks at his open stare and you withdrew from the desk clumsily, eyes averting to anything else around you.

Were you blushing?

Over Thrawn!

How embarrassing...you were supposed to be furious, not...bashful at such an odd compliment.

Was it a compliment?

Standing from his desk, Thrawn positioned his hands behind his back in his typical way, "Come, allow me to show you to your room then."

Once outside the hall, the Storm Troopers began to follow behind, to which Thrawn coolly discharged them. You were so wrapped up in what just happened in his office, you hardly recognized the confused glances they had given one another. The metal grating below you was suddenly far too fascinating to care about the odd looks of the passing Chimera crew.

The entire walk had been silent, Thrawn never tried to quell any uncomfortable energy you were clearly giving off, he was just...quiet.

That was until the two of you had reached your new room and he greeted the two Storm Troopers already stationed, "Please see that she is satisfied with the room." Thrawn then turned to you, to which you slowly met his glowing eyes. His height was as intimidating as ever, that had never changed. "As I previously mentioned, if you find anything not to your liking, I would request that you address me personally about the matter. You know where my office is by now, I assume?"

"Yes, I do." You quietly replied, nodding meekly.

"Good. Then I shall see you for our next meeting when I call for it." And after handing you off to the guards, the admiral departed down the hall from where the two of you came.

Confusion upon confusion racked up in your mind as you stepped forward, one of the troopers pressing the button to open your door for you. "Weird he brought you here himself, huh?" One of them chimed in as you passed him. Thankfully you recognized the voice and it brought some ease to you.

"Shut up, Arrance, I'm already confused enough." You grumbled, the door sliding shut behind you.

Once you reached for the light, you were shocked to see how...cozy the room actually was. An enormous bed sat in the left quarter of the room, framed by an even larger window that looked out into the starry ocean of space. The bed seemed large enough for four people, fitted with a plush comforter and so many warm-colored blankets it looked like a nest you could crawl into and hibernate for months. The pillows looked just as inviting, their matching covers pulling the colors together beautifully. There was an expansive couch that seemed to go on forever and had nearly as many pillows as the large bed, behind it, butted up against the steel wall, and beside the window sat a desk.

As you explored you noticed that you had a private fresher with everything you could need to pamper yourself, an easel with canvases, paints, and paintbrushes, and a very small kitchenette. Everything.

Thrawn had thought of...everything.

There was nothing this nice aboard the Falcon...

Though, your family was there.

Han and Leia.

Chewie.

R2.

...Luke.

As you sat on the couch, thinking about how much you missed everyone, your heart ached for Luke. Hearing his sweet laugh, feeling his warm touches- as few as they were. And while the room Thrawn had given you was nice...you couldn't help but be reminded of how long you must've been away from the group by now. No one had given you an exact frame of how long you'd been aboard the Chimera, not even Thrawn, but it’s had to be months at this point. Months with still no sign of Luke...

You knew he wouldn't leave you in the hands of the Imperials indefinitely, even if just because you were friends...and nothing more.

Nothing more.

Never more.

Not for a Jedi.

Not for Luke.

Though, that would never stop your heart from yearning for more. Luke meant the world to you and loving him came so easily, especially when that precious smile appeared on his face whenever Han would say something stupid, or Leia would mention something about the twins. His gentleness when it came to those he cared about. His determination and love for others.

Luke was a wonderful man. A strong, compassionate man.

You missed them all so much...

You missed Luke even more.

Maybe they'd come to save you soon.

You just had to hold out hope.

_

A knock roused you unexpectedly.

You'd fallen asleep?

Of course, you had. The couch was the most comfortable thing you'd relaxed in for weeks- besides that seat in Thrawn's office that was arguably snuggly.

"Oh right..." you mumbled to yourself as you wiped at your tired eyes. You'd forgotten you’d yelled at Thrawn earlier and then he gave you that weird compliment. "What a jerk."

Another knock brought your attention back and you stood to answer it. With a whoosh, you were met with a trooper holding out your journal. How'd he get that? Didn't they move it in with everything else?

"The admiral wanted me to make sure this made its safe return to you." Danver's voice reached your ears and you looked at him confused.

"The admiral?" You echoed curiously.

The nod of his plastoid helmet made everything click back into place, "Yeah. He said you'd left it in his office."

You hadn't left it! That insufferable Chiss had swiped it from you while you were shouting at him! What was with him, anyway?!

You took a deep breath, leveling your irritation, this wasn't Danver's issue. No need to yell at him. No, you’d save that for Thrawn’s next meeting. "Thanks, Danver. I appreciate it."

Muttering a response, he peaked his head in and glanced around with a whistle, modulator crackling slightly from the sound. "He really did give you the best quarters on the ship. That's nuts."

"I'm sorry?" You responded.

Danver moved to stand out of the doorway once again, "word's been going around that the admiral moved you to the nicest room, aside from his, on the Chimera." He chuckled in good humor, "Looks like they weren't lying. Now you really can't argue with me that you're his favorite, huh?" With a nudge to the arm, the captain left after a farewell, the door sliding shut.

You blinked a few times, trying to process what he’d said. It took a moment, but in stunned silence you walked over to slouch into the bed, the journal still in hand. "What the hell is happening?" You muttered, opening up the pages aimlessly, trying to comprehend the last few hours or so of the day.

Thrawn had allowed you to yell at him, instead meeting you with a very oddly placed compliment.

He then gave you, what Danver called, the best room on the Chimera- after having shouted directly at him.

What in the galaxy was going on?

Then your eyes caught something out of place as you flipped through the filled pages, "huh?" Annotations had been made on one of your drawings of a Storm Trooper- coincidentally, Danver- speaking to what seemed to be another person not pictured on the page. The script looked familiar and you realized why quickly after reading the comments.

It was Thrawn's handwriting.

'Captain Danver's plastoid chest piece has a notch or two more than you have decided to add here. Though overall I find your attention to detail praiseworthy. Not many see things as you seem to. The way you've drawn him, opting to illustrate him speaking with a fellow trooper, shows your level of personal esteem for him. Your art is beautiful, your talent is unmatched. Please, continue, I would like to see more.'

Snapping the journal shut and throwing it on the floor, cheeks hot, you curled yourself into the cozy blankets "Stupid Chiss."

________________________________

Tag list:

@blueberry-thrawn @myevilmouse @blackmonitor @coffeeorsomething-irl @torchbearerkyle @agenteliix @rebelmarylou @danger-xylophones @srryxmate @dindjarinsluvbot

(there are people I know were following but didn't request to be tagged, and I feel bad to tag them but I know they were asking for updates so if that's you and you want to be tagged, please let me know!)

[kurov1864]

Milgram characters as animals

I am so very high and sleep deprived so I apologize if my writing is whack

Amane: Cat. More specifically, a kitten. A traumatized one. She would be a very curious kitten. Always exploring around the house and very eager to try new things. She doesn't get shaken up by new people that easily unless they actually do something to her, and treats the owners with a degree of indifference. Pet her? She won't melt or purr. Call her name? Maybe a head turn if you're lucky. Try to pick her up? Hisses and scratches. Your hand will not escape unscathed. Death to the unbeliever.

Fuuta: Another cat. I think many people are gonna be cats but like. Oh well. Very aggressive. Will bite and hiss if you so much as try to touch him within the first month of getting him. After you break down his walls though, he'll allow you to touch him with minimal grumbling. Would absolutely 100% melt into your pets, unconsciously would purr then immediately stop when he sees you chuckling. Very touch starved so he'll stare at you from around the corner begging you to pet him with his eyes. Either he's a cat or a very angry, short and loud chihuahua.

Kotoko: Wolf. Pretty obvious. She's also not your pet, more like a wild animal that you befriended but you're not sure. Kinda hangs around your house, maybe she's protecting you? Or she could be seeing if you make a good meal. You honestly never know, since you're not a professional wolf reader and neither am I. Would only allow you to touch her fur once in a blue moon, if she growls then you're better off just staying away from her. She appreciates you leaving out food and water, though you would have to bring the bowls inside often seeing how she only comes back like once a month.

Mikoto: Raccoon. Why? I don't know. It's cute, so I'm gonna forcibly smash his character into a racoon stereotype. He's probably very friendly and comfortable around you, since he's been living in human neighbourhoods for a very long time. He tried becoming the new Vincent Van Gogh by dipping his tiny grubby paws in your paint and tracking it across the floor and walls. You don't mind much, it's kinda cute. Would have lived in your kitchen cardboards if you didn't babyproof the place, so now he just visits your house every day begging for food.

John: Doberman. Has that no-nonsense and constantly tired of the stupid shit you do face, especially since your safety is number 1 to him. Probably a rescue, so he'll be very on guard against you at first, but once he starts to really trust you, then he'll simply become on guard against the rest of the world. After all, you're the stupid human that keeps stubbing their toe or falling over nothing, so obviously you need his protection against this cruel and unusual force of nature called life. Loves head scratches though, probably the only time when he lets down his guard and allows himself to relax and enjoy the moment.

Haruka: Bunny. Listen. Bunnies can die of loneliness. That's him. That's him right there. Very shy at first, but also really clingy. He probably has a lot of health issues from constantly ignoring his need for survival (is that even possible?) to potentially spend more time with you. This makes you hand-feed him, so he just does it even more. Congratulations, you are now in a dependent relationship with a very blue bunny. Clap clap clap.

Muu: Pomeranian. Turn up your thermostat all you like but this girl is never going to stop shaking. She's also the shy type, but only at first. After you make it clear that you won't harm/sell/throw her away in any manner, then she just becomes your very spoiled daughter. Constantly demands your attention and so does her body that has what I like to call "the constitution of a Victorian orphan". Try to give her low-quality dog food? She won't even glance at it. Anything less then a 100$ dog shampoo and conditioner will make her fur fall off. Soon after you take her in, you'll be spending more than half your income on her. And if you even dare try to reprimand her for bad behaviour, oh what do you know now she's sulking and whimpering and acting as if she's Y/N and you're her evil stepmother trying to sell her off to the big bad alpha werewolf mafia boss CEO of Korea.

Mahiru: Golden retriever. Not a surprise. Jumps on you the moment you get home and showers you with love. She's like happy 24/7. How does she do it? We'll never know. But hey, at least now you have a miniature sun running around your house. You'll never have to pay electricity bills again! She is quite clingy though, so be prepared to start suffocating every morning when she pounces on you. Probably thinks she's a cat that can sit on your face and lap with little problems, but she's actually a very big and heavy dog that's half your body size. So no Mahiru, you can't keep trying to sit on them. You're going to crush them with your weight. I'm not fatshaming, I'm just trying to save a life.

Shidou: Birb. What birb? Just birb. Pretty chill for the most part. Idk, I don't really know much about Shidou. Either he's a birb or a turtle. Like the type that just sunbathes in an artificial light on an artificial rock 24/7. I think he would be a parrot, maybe. One of those white/gray ones, with a bit of yellow on their heads. Are those parrots? Dunno. He vibes to music pretty well, and also shows concern through very strategically placed pecks on your skin. Similar to John, he feels as if he has to take care of your stupid human tendencies so he collects items that he thinks would be useful and brings them to you. He's just not very good at picking out which items are useful, so don't blame him when he tries to bring a frying pan and accidentally dislocates his claws or something.

Yuno: Cat. Temperamental and only acts according to their mood. Store-bought or literally auctioned off. She gives off those smarty pants vibes, like she knows how to act to increase her value. She'll be very affectionate and well-behaved at first, but when you realize she's getting more moody and haughty, you'll ask the seller. Turns out that's just her natural personality and you've been deceived, but what does that matter? She's your pet so now you're obligated to take care of her for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. Good thing she's absolutely adorable right? Only a monster would be able to say no to that face. And when she's in a good mood... boy you better drop everything you're doing and savor what little attention she'll give you. You think she's the pet? Nah. You're the pet and she took you in.

Es: Cat!!! Again!!! Very tsundere. Similar to Fuuta, but in a much more serious manner. I'm not sure how to describe it, like imagine they will just try to walk everywhere with a ~purpose~. So with this ~purpose~ they'll walk into your lap and subtly hint that they want head pats, and again with ~purpose~ they'll walk away when your stupid ass can't understand what they want, acting as if the whole time they're this evil mastermind and that whole drama sequence was to confuse you so you'll stay on guard around them.

Kazui: Horse. Desires freedom and whatnot. How did you even get a horse. How rich are you. Not very high maintenance, well as low maintenance a horse can get anyways. He's probably the only one that I wouldn't write something goofy for. Very fast horse, but he'll try to keep things moderate so he doesn't damage your slow-ass brain. I take that back I can totally imagine him doing something goofy. Sentimental, and also kinda delusional. Wants to ride off into the sunset type shit except that he's the main character so he's just running alone with no one riding him. Speaking of which, he low-key kinda hates anyone trying to ride him but you're okay I guess since you don't try to control him much so as long as he doesn't send you flying you just let him do whatever he wants.

Jackalope: ... He's literally a jackalope. Why am I even including him. I'll lock him up in a cage and hang him from my rooftop, praying that he gets struck by lightning.

[not-goldy]

Well then who do you suggest FRI(end)S is about then? Its a very direct romantic song about wanting to be lovers not friends with someone who he knows feels the same way about him, he's just wanting them to make it official. He said you and I go back to like '09 and well if shippers are trying to relate to Jk and Jimin which seems to be the two main contenders. He met Jk mid 2011 & Jimin a few months later in early 2012, so it puts them both in that time frame according to shippers, to relate to that lyric. However out of those two, Tae publicly shot down rumors about one and went on to write a song about falling in love with his best friend after he called Jimin his only best friend and saying Jimin is the one who comforted him and cried with him at night when he was sad and down, which is also line he mentions in the song, along with the title of the song being the same as one he already has with Jimin. I feel like shippers are skirting around the issue, that if the song is indeed about Jimin, which he is by far the strongest contender here, then clearly Tae knows something about Jikook's relationship that we don't since he feels comfortable enough with these declarations to Jimin for years. Telling him likes him to his face that got picked up on his mic we weren't suppose to hear Or saying he likes him the most in front of jk or writing songs about him with not so friendly lyrics, like his christmas song that got rejected. Do you not think that is rude toward Jk if Jikook are together? The more Tae does things like this toward Jikook's relationship, the more questions gets raised. Even his public behavior toward Jk this past year saying Jk was serenading him with songs or sending him songs talking about two sinners & reposting tkk to his account, doesn't paint Jk & Jikook in a very good light either. If he's talking about even one of them in that song, regardless of who, it raises questions about Jikook either way and thats the issue that all shippers from every end, are skirting around. So where does that leave Jikook in this mess? I'm genuinely asking.

Isnt this ask redundant?

I've answered several asks on this already.

It's about a friend he's fallen in love with.

He's in love with his friend because this friend got him through a phase of loneliness and their words and actions got him feeling they are more than friends or should be more than friends.

Aahhh I see your tangent. You can leave Jikook out of this please and thank you they in MS bootcamp minding their gay business together.

What Tae does is Taes own problem. Who he falls for is his own cap of tea where he stumbles is his croissant. Has nothing to do with Jimin.

People like what they can't have.

He's not the only one to "disrespect" Jk to his face as you put it. JK literally got viscerally angry at Namjoon for blatantly flirting with Jimin in his face. Per your logic that shouldn't have happened at all if Namjoon knew what was up with Jikook yet it happened.

We've seen him over the years huff and puff over people acting funny with Jimin and We've seen Jimin equally go cross eyed with certain members crossing the line with Kook.

Just because Jungkook has boundaries don't mean people are automatically going to respect it or be considerate towards him.

And don't get me started on Tae and boundaries or the lack of it cos it's an encyclopedia full my guys a menace sometimes like why strike someone naked to shower with them BOUNDARIES BBY BOY BOUNDARIES HAVE SOME😩

I think his feelings are totally valid and he's allowed to speak his truth no matter how crazy the world perceive it. I mean he'll in his MV he literally portrays they world going mad around him when he finally finds love. It be like that. His forbidden romance trope is glaringly obvious so don't skirt that either.

Arianna Grande literally sang breakup with your girlfriend and no one clutched their purse. Suddenly when a man sings about falling for his friend who is dating another Suddenly it's unheard off and difficult to wrap around.

People like to play with fire. People like forbidden love so falling for your friends boyfriend is the least jaw dropping human weakness.

Hypothetically of course.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Love Kai, but Hari needs some love too…

Sooo, Kai’s always busy so he sends Hari to take care and be with Angel. But what if arrowhead falls in love with her? And she also starts liking him back… since you know, her actual partner barely spends time with her. It’s kinda angsty but a fluffy end would be nice.

This has been on my head lately and since you’re one of my favorite authors in here, I gathered the courage to finally send in the ask. Feel free to ignore this request. Love your writing and take care! 💕

"I want you to be responsible for her safety Chronostasis." The dark haired male muttered while reading a few papers that were spread on his desk while the other one furrowed his eyebrows beneath his mask.

"Of course, but why exactly?" Aren't you her partner? He wanted to imply, but decided against it due to his better judgment.

"Being someone close to a yakuza member puts a lot of targets on their back, you should know that by now." He replied without any emotion on his face.

"I do understand that sir. Although as a friend speaking I think you should-"

"Just do what I say Chronostasis." He growled without sparing him a eye, leaving the white haired man to sigh in hopeless and leave the room with a yes sir.

.

.

Chrono has been keeping an eye on Overhaul's partner for about two months... and he swore he never saw a woman with so much loneliness and sadness on her eyes... yet, she carried such a beautiful smile when it came to the normal citizens and children or people she seemed to care about.

He was surprised that Kai was in a relationship with her to be honest... she seemed so out of his league.

One day, he accidentally eavesdrop that Overhayl had canceled one of their dates once again.. it was honestly heartbreaking to hear her sad sigh but soon recover with a fake small skile saying it was okay....

For some reason, he couldn't take this any longer... so he asked his boss to make her company asides from just protecting her from afar like a shadow.

Overhaul had allowed. Without much care.

"Excuse me? Ma'am?" He reunited forces to aproach her on the halls, observing how she flinched but soon looked at his masked face with wonder on why one of the subordinates was talking to her... without getting killed.

"Y-Yeah?"

"I'm sorry overhaul canceled plans with you. But I was wondering, if you want, I could take you to this place you were talking about." He scratched a bit the back of his head at seeing your shocked expression "I swear I'm not a stalker, I'm just a... close worker of your partner. So I happened to over hear it. I apologize if it perstubs you."

"Oh.. not at all!" You smiled, and he had to ignore how it made him smile too "I was hoping I could go there with anyone to be honest... but I don't have much friends and... he seems kinda busy these days" You laughed it off your sadness as usual.

"I'm going to take you there. Don't worry about the money as well. I'm sure it won't make us go more bankrupt as always anyway."

The laugh that left your lips almost felt surreal. He never heard you laugh like that before on those last few months.

.

.

"Can I ask something Chrono?"

"Well, you already did." He mumbled while sitting in front of you on the small outdoor café you had chosen this time. He had been taking you out for a while now.

You snorted at his comment before stirring up your drink with a straw with a feature of wonder.

"Were you the one watching me for these last few months?"

He choked on his own spit. Almost coughing before he reluctantly asked why you were asking this.

" I know I sound stupid sometimes, but I am not." You giggled with sadness "I noticed eyes on me... I was starting to think I was crazy for a second until I notice you with this weird mask watching from a corner some day.. immediately I knew it was one of the hassaikai. You guys seem to like these plague masks a lot."

"Actually no." He laughed it off his embarrassment "we actually hate it. But is Overhaul's choice so we mostly shut up and be quiet about it."

"Ah, it had to be him." You spoke with a smile "But you aren't exactly working right now so... can't you just.. take it off? Is like super hot today." You gesture with your hand at your own face while he scoffed.

"Kai would have my head if he knew this."

"I won't tell. Besides," You leaned on the table "I'm actually curious."

"Nothing fancy about my face but oh well-" He spoke before taking off his mask with a relieved sigh "It is hot, God damn..."

"Hmm..." You tilted your head a bit to the side before smirking "not bad."

"Oh shut up you." He chuckled, his red cheeks totally exposed now.

.

.

After months, you two had become close. Closer than what a bodyguard should be.. but he just can't help it. You had this personality that didn't fail it once to make him smile or worry when you would wear that sad expression.

He would feel guilty about his upcoming crush on you often... very often.

But sometimes... he swore he wanted to beat the shit out of chisaki every single time he found you crying after just a simply conversation with thr male in question that surely didn't even last 15 minutes.

"Am I that clingy? Just as he says?" You spoke between sniffles, watching with a sad expression the outside as he scoffed.

"No. You just want what anyone wants on a relationship... he is just..." he hissed a bit at daring to put more wood into the fire "A bit difficult."

"Just a bit..?" You muttered and he swore he felt his heart completely shatter.

In one second he was at your side and wiping away your tears as you yelped at how close he was so suddenly.

"You're not clingy... In fact, if it means something, I do enjoy your company the most. I actually l..-" he swallowed the words before he made something he possibly would regret "I think you're great. Don't let a minor fight affect your self estem that easily.."

You nodded in awe... never your own boyfriend did that. Made you feel better about some insecurity of yours..

In fact... now thinking about it, Kai never made you feel so at home like... Kurono did.

Oh no.

.

.

.

Months have passed and one day he catched you and Overhaul talking. For a very long time to be exactly.

You left with a more at ease expression quickly greeting him before leaving the house. He arched an eyebrow before he noticed how Chisaki was frozen in place but had still his usual neutral expression on.

Something had happened...

.

.

The break up was, by surprise of many, very calm and with no tantrums come from both parts of you nor Chisaki. Although you did visited the hassaikai still due to how Pops actually liked you... and Kurono.

It didn't take long for Chrono to finally open up about the issue. He was actually afraid of the out come... but he had to be honest with his friend.

"I don't care. She is single now, isn't she?" He muttered after a very tense talk about if he could or not invite you to dinner.

"You're sure about that? It won't bring-"

"Just get out." The dark male hissed, and for the first time Chrono just ignored the threat on his voice and went after you with hope you could accept his offer.

.

.

"We could go to the theme park!" You yelped in joy as he chuckled while shaking his head.

"The last time we went on one of those you were complaining about how your feet hurt. You sure about that?"

You nodded with pout while walking alongside him. His girlfriend of now five months.

"The last time it was because of my stupid decision of wearing those heels... seriously what went through my head to do that?" You whined out loud as he laughed.

It was good until you both bumped into someone...

"Hey Kai." Chrono spoke a bit in worry as you looked up to see the face of your ex.

"Hello Chisaki. How have you been?" You asked politely while the man in question just looked at you both with irritation before sighing.

"Good." He spoke before storming out of the hall, leaving you both to just shrug your shoulders and go on about your day as usual.

.

.

He closed the door before finally sitting down on the bed with the heaviest sigh he could muster. His hands rubbed his face continuously to get rid of the burning sensation he was feeling behind his eyes as he exhaled and inhaled in hopes to calm his beating heart.

After a few minutes he took a deep breath once again before taking a small red velvet box from the cabinet before laying down on the bed... staring at the ring on it with disgust... even though the small tear that left his right eye said otherwise.

"Now what the hell am I suppose to do with this?" Kai muttered in the loneliness of his room.. knowing damn well how you were much happier with the man that treated you better than he did.

[flooded--skies]

tell me what friendship means to you

i think they are as fleeting as they are forever.

i remember being young, only four or five. the kid i played with the most moved away. i still think about him sometimes, i hope that he's doing well.

i remember being young, i remember going over to a friend's house so many times, til one day i decided i didn't like hanging out anymore. we were so young. i can't piece her face together anymore. i still have a keychain from her house. i stole it the day we never came back again. it's blue and pink and purple flowers. i stole it to remember her by.

i remember girl scouts, i remember being on the robotics team. i remember their faces, i remember long days spent trying to build something that would amaze. i remember that night where one of us broke down and mother took me and left, sending a message later to a parent on why. (we didn't hang out with them any more after that.)

i remember being young, i remember first being allowed online. it has been years since all but one of these people has come back. i still miss them, of course i'd remember the people i threw my future away for. it was for nothing. they are gone. i left one final post, hoping they'd come find me, hoping we could reconnect. it's been silence for years.

i remember feeling soaring hope one day thinking that i might be near one of them, that perhaps we could meet; but it was wishful thinking at best and foolishness at worst.

i'm happy i was able to hang onto one of them, but i don't know if we're still friends, not after what happened. it was my fault (i either care too much or care too little and here, i did both) and i haven't stopped replaying it all in my mind. i want to get out of the theater, i want to watch something else, please.

i lost them and found them and lost them again and found them again and it's a cycle that feels like i'm breaking apart every time.

i remember meeting so many people online, platonically adoring them, getting so swept up in the wonder of connection that i forgot it had to end.

i moved to another site, and it didn't help. i got lonelier, because at least i had been making connections previously. this place was ripe with life and yet it felt like i was in a deadzone. i had only got it for another friend, and i miss them so much now.

it's not like i didn't meet people there. but it didn't last. it wouldn't last and i think i knew that much better this time around.

and yet i got attached. it has been 1395 days, 20 hours, 32 minutes since a friend of mine went on hiatus, and i just hope they're doing alright wherever they are. i don't think i'll ever forget them.

to the friend i did keep from there:

i love you platonically, and i'm so happy we've stayed in touch. i miss what we had, but i'm glad we still have something at all.

i'm glad we met when we met. i think you needed it.

i care like a dagger, i love like a trap. i sink my teeth into you and you sink yours into me. everyone i have met, i remember. we make ourself permanent as if we are scars; we are like glass shards, adding to each other, changing each other irreversibly. how many make us real?

(trick question; we always have been.)

you have a scar on your palm and i one on my chin. trace it. it's the echoes of us. you won't forget me, and i won't forget you. we haven't talked in years. i still think of all we built. where are you now?

i trace my chin. right here.

i'm glad i have those who have known me for most of my life. we talked every day and then we didn't and then we did. we have stories we created that we'll only know, tears that only we shed. jokes we'll always tell.

i knew you when we weren't young enough to know better and now we're looking back and laughing.

i know the layout of your house like my own, i remember your laugh, your hair, how you hold yourself.

you're a wound and a scar and i couldn't ask for you to be anything but. red is a pretty color, i'll gladly let it flow.

[thewhumpcaretaker]

Ehehe hiii :3

A little different scenario from my usual asks but I'm curious I can't help myself 😭

(If you're comfortable talking abt this ofc, no pressure)

Since I'm writing a/b/o fic(s) with Santino and John, how do you see omega Santino and alpha John? Like, for example when the heat hits Santino, how does he act? Is he really needy and wants John to take care of him (by take care of him I mean both freaky time and actual comfort 😋)? Or he's moody and snaps at John for literally anything? Ofc, how does John act, too, in that situation :P

So many possibilities AGAIN lmaoo I'm having lots of fun with this. I have my versions of this but I'm curious on yours :3

Have a fantastic day!!! 💖

Oh boy...I have never written a/b/o before but tbh I do like it >_< so here we go haha!! There's a first time for everything ✨

I really love the way their dynamic is written in your fics!! There's a lot of nuance and tension. Santino is clingy and needy, but also angry and irritable. Santino is the one seducing John, even though he is the omega (who we might expect to have less control). So I would keep a lot of that.

But here, I tried to imagine starting a fic from scratch and coming up with their dynamic on my own. I think I'd write something with these main points:

John has always been uncomfortable with being an alpha. It's something that the High Table used to their advantage when treating him as a weapon. It allowed him to fight harder by going into a kind of berserk state, so they encouraged it and he was sometimes even given access to the scent of omegas before battle to send him into a frenzy. At the same time, he was never given access to an actual omega, because his employers didn't want him to form attachments. So he initially associates his alpha with a lot of past trauma and both sexual and emotional frustration. He wishes he was just a normal beta.

Meanwhile, Santino has a similar backstory to the one you wrote - the Camorra forced him to hide his omega status with scent blockers and he was heavily shamed for it by his father. So he has shame attached to this too. But deep down, he likes his omega and wants to express that part of himself very much.

They are overwhelmed by each other's scents, obviously. Both of them are powerful examples of the type, and well suited to each other. I think Santino smells a bit like the ocean - something beautifully fresh yet full of salt to the point that it's almost unbearably delicious and it makes John want to drink him in (John is thirsty LMAO). John smells very animal. Musk and leather.

When I think about Santino's heat, I try to think about what's actually happening in his body and how he's experiencing that. Firstly, he's experiencing a lot of discomfort. He's in physical distress, almost as if he had the flu and a fever, and he gets deep, visceral loneliness and craving for affection as if he had been touch starved for weeks. So he's going to respond to that the same way he would respond to an illness or an emotional upset - by initially pretending he's fine and snapping at everyone at the slightest provocation until it's abundantly clear that he's not fine. He deeply fears to appear weak or to be a burden. But, once John realizes what's happening and proves that he's going to be there for Santino anyway, there's no more reason to hide his feelings. At that point, Santino breaks down and becomes incredibly clingy.

What Santino needs, and what John provides, when he's in heat: LOTS of physical touch (he can't stand to not be cuddling John, or at least holding his hand, even for a second), massage for all the aches in his body, a place where he feels safe and not threatened, a warm nest to curl up in so that he is surrounded by soft things on all sides, having his requests provided for (food and water brought to him, tasks done for him if he asks, etc.), and of course SEX.

As for John's experience of Santino's heats (and his own resulting heat), he's initially afraid of himself. He feels out of control so he tries to resist his desires, which he is pretty good at doing. Only when he realizes that he genuinely cares for Santino and wants to protect him, both as an omega and as a person, does he let himself go fully into alpha mode. At that point, he is absolutely scary to everyone around him who is not Santino. His pupils are so swollen that his eyes look black, he feels an intense bloodlust that makes his fighting significantly better, he is almost completely incapable of speaking (just grunts and body language), and he will do anything to get to Santino and protect him. If a door is locked and it takes too long to unlock it, he'll just tear it off the hinges. He is feral.

The relationship is very healing for both of them. For John, his alpha is finally being given a positive outlet for its protectiveness, not just being used as a weapon. For Santino, he can finally express who he truly is without shame. They are inseparable and their bond runs deep.

Thank you for asking, I think this is a super fun concept for them!! 🖤💙

[vesselandmoon]

Sundowning

Since I got ahead of myself I decided to post the story version of this first, I thought it only made sense to also post my own take that is not in that format.

I swear I will attempt to be concise and not ramble, but no promises.

When I first saw the title of the album I thought it was a little odd but it stirred some memories of a deceased relative that struggled with this. For that reason I will TW sundowning as well as dementia and Alzheimer's, just in case. Also, the little personal experience backstory here will be between the asterisks if you wish to skip it.

***

That being said, I recall how she was during the day. Of course, we are talking about a woman well into her nineties at the time so there was very little that she did besides watch television. Evangelical preachers and the news more often than not. She wasn't bed ridden or anything of that nature and other than typical ailments for her age, she was rather healthy. Days were slow and quiet.

But as late afternoon crept in, tension built in the house. As she was able to stay home until her passing, she was accompanied at all times by at least one other person, be it family or hired ladies that assisted in her care. She would become confused, agitated, and paranoid. I won't go any further into it, but what I experienced made me wonder about Vessel.

***

Why the title of Sundowning when that is usually reserved for individuals suffering from dementia and Alzheimer's? Then I considered it as less of something he could not help, and more of a state he suffered as a result of knowing Sleep was coming. This plays up on my thought of Sleep being a separate entity that can (in some way) possess Vessel. Sleep isn't always there, but when he is, Vessel can feel him coming.

See, in lore context I wonder... when it's sundown you're growing closer to the time to sleep. Night is settling in and there is only so much time left before you must sleep. Fighting that sleep is always an option but rarely has positive consequences.

Vessel obviously doesn't have dementia so what if it's more in the sense that the night is coming and so is Sleep? I assume Sleep does not join Vessel every night, mostly because I believe that Sleep finds ways to manipulate Vessel and keep him in a state of longing or desire and what better way to do that than by living by the adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Let Vessel suffer through the night alone and when Sleep is present, it would bring so much relief, that Vessel would see the encounter as worth it no matter how unfulfilled he feels in the morning.

The prospect of the encounter could cause Vessel to pace and grow agitated or confused on how to feel about it. Seeking some kind of companionship to not be alone through the night, which is when most people struggle with loneliness, while also knowing that what's coming might not leave him feeling as fulfilled as he hopes.

This would tie in with my thoughts on Thread the Needle but that is for another post. However, I will say that it is the idea of giving his all to Sleep while accepting the bare minimum in return. I can relate to Vessel's side of that. I'm not proud to admit it, but when I was younger I obsessed with someone very similar. Only at night did they acknowledge my presence and they gave me just enough to keep me craving more. I was afraid of being alone, afraid of losing them, so I allowed a lot of things to happen just for the sake of the relationship. I'm still fighting the consequences of that.

A bit of a personal take I suppose, but aren't we all projecting just a little?

[mlmxreader]

Takes More Than a Bullet | Kyle Gaz Garrick x m!reader

@guardkeywolf asked: Hello,

I'm still gushing over that Cap. Price fic you put on A03 so I wanted to come and request!

I was thinking...

141 gets a new soldier and he's really really in love with Gaz (love at first sight) and like during one of their mission he takes a bullet for Gaz and gets pissed that people tried to shoot at him and just goes on a rampage (No Russian Style of course)

Sound cool? Idk I think it sounds goofy but imma request lol

summary: you get transferred to the one four one, and although you're not keen at first, you're at least very keen on Gaz.

tws: injury, blood, swearing, gun violence

When you first joined up for the RAF, you had no idea where you would end up, after years of service to the air force and even rising to the rank of Flight Lieutenant, you and your small squadron of pilots were extremely close; but all that came to a halt when Captain Price asked the Air Chief Marshal, Pahwa, if he could take on a pilot from the squadron to join his own ranks. Squadron number forty three were well known to be lethal in and out of the air, with both SAS and Gurkha training under your belts, and they were the pilots that Price wanted; the ones who could be just as good at air support as they were fighting alongside the others. It would have made his task force's job easier, too, as knowing that there was a pilot amongst them would have made getting the fuck out of dodge when shit turned sour so much smoother. But Price took his time, after watching all of you in action, and had made his mind up.

A week later, your shit was packed into bags and dragged over to the task force's bunkers, and a feeling of loneliness had made its way deep into your stomach; you packed your things away into the little room that was given to you, keeping the door closed as you put your headphones on and welcomed the sound of 'Spit It Out' by Slipknot. It was one of the songs that you always played with the other pilots, and even though you had not been separated for very long, you already wanted to go back; you missed the others something awful. But then your mind was taken off of that loneliness when there was a knock at the door and a clearing of the throat; turning around, you met a dark pair of brown eyes that seemed to be beyond description. So beautiful you couldn't help but to relax.

"Hey," he stepped in the room and offered his hand, a warm and kind smile on his lips. "I'm Kyle, but everyone calls me Gaz."

Slowly, you shook his hand as you cleared your throat and smiled bashfully; he was so pretty, you felt like you were drowning but you didn't want it to stop. "Gaz... I'm (y/n)."

"You're a pilot, right?" He didn't let go of your hand, a little bit breathless when he realised that you were, without a doubt, the most handsome man he had ever laid eyes on.

"Uh, yeah," you muttered. "I was."

"Was?" Gaz tilted his head to the side, those big brown eyes all too irresistible and making you weak the more that you looked at him. "Did something happen?"

"Uh, sorta," you shrugged, sitting at the edge of your bed and allowing him to do the same. His knee made contact with yours, and you felt like every nerve and every cell was suddenly shot with electricity. "I, uhm... Pahwa, our Air Chief Marshal, made me come here. Help you guys out."

"Well," he smiled, his cheeks turning warm. "It'd be nice to, y'know, get to know each other... and, if you have any problems, you can always give me a shout. I'm, uhm, I'm in the room next door, too. If you need me."

"Alright," you smiled back, able to feel how hot your features were the more you looked at him. "Thanks, Gaz."

You liked him, from day fucking one, you liked Gaz, and every time since that he had smiled at you, you could feel something bubbling in your chest as you grinned and held down a shiver of delight; during training, Price always put you together, as he had noticed that the two of you had gotten rather close, and that closeness afforded you both something that was difficult to obtain without building it from the bottom: you worked fucking brilliantly as a team. Truly, the dream team, you and Gaz worked damn near perfectly together whenever you were out into training; you could only hope that you and Gaz worked that well when it came to actually being in the field. But everyone, even Soap, had clocked on to the fact that you and Gaz were close, very close.

It wasn't that they minded, quite the opposite, as not only was it nice to see you actually fit in with the task force, but it was also good for things like morale and moral support; Price especially encouraged it, always letting you and Gaz wander off to Nando's and other restaurants when you had the time to. You made each other happy, and he liked to see that from his boys.

But that all changed when you were in the field.

Surrounded and outnumbered, Price told everybody to split up and head to the rendezvous point as quickly as they could until back-up arrived.

But you and Gaz were trapped, surrounded on all sides as you hid behind an old shipping container, your hand finding its way to his as you grasped it tightly, your thumb rubbing his knuckles so gently that he couldn't help but to be momentarily distracted.

"Whatever you do," Gaz said quietly, "don't go forwards."

"Oh, really? I thought I'd just run headfirst into fire," you snapped sarcastically, missing the way he smiled at you when you dared to look around the corner. "Bollocks."

"What?"

"It's like a fucking Tory convention out there," you mumbled. "Fucking violent cunts on all sides waiting for the chance to rip us to shreds."

Gaz frowned, slowly moving you behind him, shielding you with his body without even thinking about it. "And to think, we were gonna go to Tesco and get a meal deal."

"You got money for a fucking meal deal?" You scoffed. "Ark at you! Y'know, Gaz, if you'd have said you got Tesco meal deal money, I'd marry you on the fucking spot."

"You would?" He asked, trying not to smile.

"Oh, I definitely would," you nodded. "What kinda man would I be if I didn't?"

He laughed softly, leaning towards you so that his back was against your chest, his hands coming to rest on your arms when you put them around his waist, your chin on his shoulder. "If you wanted to cuddle, Flight Lieutenant, you could've just asked."

"You started it," you grumbled. But then the shooting got closer, got louder, and you pulled him a little closer. "Gaz, we ought to move, mate."

He nodded, but allowed you to be the first to get up and start running, right on your tail as he turned back every now and then to see if anyone was following; the sounds of gunshots were making his ears ring as he kept running behind you, only daring to let his anxiety fade a little when you reached behind, and hooked your pinkie finger with his. The feeling of your skin on his, it was enough to put him at a slight ease as he kept up with you; but then, you suddenly turned around, tackling him to the floor before you groaned softly, gritting your teeth and rolling onto your back as you coughed.

"(y/n)!" Gaz yelped, making his way over and immediately checking you over, shuddering in horror when he put his hands on your shoulder and they calm away red. "(y/n)!"

You groaned, swatting his hand away as you coughed. "Garrick, get your ass on the ground before they fucking shoot you, too."

Slowly, Gaz lowered himself so that he was laid on his stomach beside you, eyes filled with worry as he let out harsh breaths. "(y/n)... are you broken?"

"Takes more than a bullet to keep a good dog down," you muttered, getting to your knees and taking the gun from his hands. You spat some blood on the ground and huffed. "Wait here... or go get that Tesco meal deal, then come back - you know what I like."

Gaz frowned, shaking his head. "Don't go."

"I have to," you put your hand on his shoulder, wincing and biting back a growl. "They tried to shoot you, Gaz. I'm not gonna let those cunts live to see another day."

"Please," Gaz begged. "Don't go, (y/n), let me take you to the medics."

"Later," you pulled him just close enough to gently kiss his cheek. "I love you, I won't be long. Stay here, and stay close to the ground."

Gaz couldn't stop you, he knew that, so he covered his ears and kept his forehead pressed to the ground when the gunshots started; he wanted to go after you, he really did, but when you got the last four pinned, you didn't hesitate. Gaz regretted looking up, watching you execute them with ease before your voice echoed over the Comms.

"We're not overwhelmed no more. They're all dead."

Gaz couldn't move, not until he saw you making your way back to him with the sun at your back; you dropped the gun about halfway, and when you got to him, you straddled his waist, and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, burying your face against the side of his neck as he put his arms around you, careful not to touch your shoulder.

"Are you broken?" He asked quietly.

You nodded. "My shoulder hurts so much."

"We'll get you to the medics," he told you softly, rubbing your back ever so gently. "Why'd you do it?"

"Because I wanted to protect you," you whimpered, the pain in your shoulder starting to feel worse and worse. "I wanted to keep you safe."

Gaz nodded, swallowing thickly as he hushed you quietly and cleared his throat. "We'll go out for Nando's after this. Fuck a Tesco meal deal."

"Can it be a date?" You mumbled against his skin.

He smiled. "Yeah, yeah, it can be a date... but, y'know, Flight Lieutenant, you wanted to be my boyfriend-"

"I just had to ask," you laughed quietly. "I know."

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