#I'm not even in the sleep deprived stage yet

[lunapwrites]

Nothing worse than when your partner says something really fucking funny and you go to immortalize it in no context text form and you have already forgotten the punchline.

Bean please for the love of God can I have at least one of my brain cells back. I am begging you.

[alienoresimagines]

I wish you would write a fic (canon era, modern au, any setting really) where Buck is sick and Bucky fusses over him. Maybe with Buck’s head in Bucky’s lap?

I loved your fic of Bucky watching Buck sleep, so anything with that type of vibe? ❤️

I don't know the difference between a snippet and an actual fic so this is 1.4k 😅 But hey, Gale's awake for this one! Thank you so much for this inspiring ask, I've been writing angst for a week so going back to fluff felt really good 🥰❤️ Featuring : A sick Gale and a worrywart Bucky Also on AO3 Find my other Mota fics here

"Do you need anything ? Blanket ? Water ?" His hands hover over Gale's shivering form but the other weakly bats his hand away when John reaches out to check his fever.

"M'fine, Bucky." Gale's usual deep voice is now raspy and hoarse from too much coughing and Bucky winces in sympathy, knowing how much just saying those few words must've hurt. It also happens to be one of the biggest lies he's ever heard, on the top of his list with Buck's other countless "I'm fine"s he's heard since meeting the other. Bucky's only slightly exasperated.

"Like hell you are." He grumbles unhappily but fondness rounds the edge of every word as he fusses with the army issued blankets until only two unimpressed, slightly hazy with fever, blue eyes could be seen above the green fabric. John has to physically suppress a coo at the sight, sure it wouldn't be welcome, and very much not in the mood to wrestle Gale back in bed a second time.

He's honestly surprised the other held on for as long as he did considering the entire 100th had fallen victim to a nasty cold in the past two weeks, even Bucky himself. Buck had nursed him back to health and despite the pounding headache he remembers, John had enjoyed every minute of it. He would've enjoyed it a lot more though, if this stubborn sweetheart of a man hadn't also decided to take as much of a workload as he could while the rest of them were bedridden, disregarding any signs of his own degrading health.

A hand pulls on his sleeve until he sits on the edge of the bunk, the heat from Gale's body warming his side even through two blankets. Those pills better kick in soon or John might just die from worry. Over a damn cold.

Well, that's not exactly true. Even if the depth of his feelings for Gale still scares him absolutely shitless, he's past the shameful stage of denial. A mere small splinter would be enough to have him worried sick if it was in Gale's finger. But, he considers, maybe he went a bit overboard when he tucked Gale in with all the blankets available. Perhaps just four would be enough... which is why he lets Gale, although unhappily, drop some of the blankets on the bunk next to him. His mouth opens then closes with a click at Buck's glare.

Three blankets it was.

Gale settles again under the remaining covers, graciously letting John adjust them until his neck is covered. His lips, despite being chapped and not as pink as usual, still look so inviting that Bucky has to physically stop himself from pressing his own lips to Buck's. Three days he's been deprived of Gale's kisses and he has never wanted anything more in his life - except for Gale himself. During the two days he was sick, Buck had imposed a no-kissing-on-the-lips rule, much to his own chagrin but he respected Gale's boundary and need for cleanliness. Besides, it's not like he wanted to get Gale sick. And today, on the day he'd been longingly awaiting for 48 endless hours, Buck himself was sick and would refuse Bucky's kisses, he knows. It doesn't stop him from gazing mournfully at those plump lips.

"I was really looking forward to those kisses." He whines dramatically in a defeated sigh, a pang of fondness in his chest at Buck's own saddened eyes. He hasn't been alone in his longing, and the thought sends warmth through his body. Yet, coldness courses through him as he watches guilt overcome sadness when Gale turns his head sideways to avoid looking at him.

"M'sorry." All theatrics forgotten, a frown crosses his face immediately. He leans closer to Buck's face, gently sweeping his hair of his forehead and then cupping his flushed cheek to stroke over a high cheekbone until Gale looks at him.

"Hey, Buck. Listen to me." With his thumb, he tenderly frees Gale's bottom lip from the cage of his teeth. "You've got nothing to be sorry for. Damn cold got everyone, it's no surprise it'd get you too. Nothing shameful 'bout that, okay?"

Later, when the other isn't as miserable as now, John will grouch to him about working himself to the bone instead of going to see Smokey as soon as he’d started feeling bad. Later, he'll make Gale promise to come to him too, if he doesn't feel like talking to their flight surgeon.

The thing is, Gale is John's safe place. With him, he doesn't have to worry about talking too much, touching too much -as much as he could in public- being too much. He just wishes Gale would allow John to be his safe place too. And he knows that Gale allowing him to see that vulnerable side of his is already a huge show of trust. But he wants Gale to trust him not only to catch him when he falls but also to lean on him when he misses a step or falters just a bit.

For now though, he accepts the small nod he gets and relishes in the soft, barely there up of the corners of his lips, which blooms into a sweet smile when Bucky leans down to press a kiss to his forehead.

"As soon as you're back on your feet, I'm kissing you 'till you push me away." He promises against the too-warm skin of Buck's forehead before pulling back and grinning down at him. Gale looks amused, if a bit tired, but the light in his eyes is one of amused defiance. Even if he doesn't speak, Bucky hears him anyway and it sends thrills of anticipation down his spine. Just a few days more.

There's a moment of silence as John mindlessly plays with sweaty golden strands until Buck blinks slow and long and Gale's warm hand slips into his under the blanket. He has to bite his lips to keep the dopey smile from his face but he does stroke his thumb back and forth the expanse of Gale's knuckles. Shivers still wrack his form, though they did subside a bit compared to minutes ago. It's not nearly enough for Bucky.

"You sure I can't get you anything ?" Buck audibly groans as he opens his eyes just enough to show Bucky just how hard he's rolling his eyes and John snickers sheepishly. He raises the hand not in Gale's soft grip in mock surrender, the amused glint in sky-blue eyes only spurring him on. 

"Sorry, sorry. But really, do you need anything ?" Gale licks his lips once and oh, John knows that look. It's as adorable as it makes his heart ache, the way Gale doesn't look him in the eyes. He thinks of a young boy, barely knee tall, not daring to ask his father anything and imperceptibly clenches his jaw. Softly squeezing Buck's hand in his, he smiles encouragingly when the other faces him.

"Anything, Gale." Tired eyes look at him for a moment, searching for something but John isn't sure what. He keeps his face open, knowing perfectly well there's no way he could hide how he feels about the other man when no one is around. Gale must find whatever he's looking for because he bites his lip slightly, seemingly pleased and content, if a little shy.

John is keeping a tally of how many kisses he's been robbed of.

Minutely, Gale starts scooting over and John huffs a laugh but obediently sits in the spot just vacated, back leaning on the metal headboard. He's barely put his legs on the blankets that Gale immediately presses in close to rest his head on John's lap like a cat pressing his head on his hand until he gets pets.

Bucky might just die of adoration for this sweet, sweet man he's blessed to call his.

He's half convinced the other will start purring when he strokes his fingers through his hair, nails slightly scratching at his scalp like he knows Buck likes but Gale only presses even closer to him until his body is one hot line against John's leg, a happy hum leaving him. He's asleep in one minute flat, face buried in Bucky's lap as the latter keeps playing with his hair, eyes not leaving the even rise and fall of his back.

John's so, so in love that he wonders how he ever thought he wasn't Gale's safe place just as much as Gale was his.

[strawberrypinky]

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed with negativity on the internet recently and thus I've decided to take matters into my own hands and spread some ✨love and positivity✨

And what better way to do that, than to recommend wonderfully written fanfiction I've come across this year? Admittedly, I haven't read as much as I would have liked, but I still want to share the few I did read. So without further ado, here are my fic recs of 2024 (thus far! Might add to this along the line):

Baldur's Gate 3 Fic recs:

O Fortuna [by @gufu-vire] on AO3 - Raphael x Dark Urge ❦ Plot: Post the events of BG3, a redeemed Dark Urge and Raphael renegotiate terms to fulfil a contract sworn upon during the crisis of the Absolute. An adventure fraught with tension, frustration, conflict, and more as the reader partners up with the devil you love to hate…

This is possibly a very biased mention on this list, because I consider Goof a very dear friend and moot, but it is a deserved spot nonetheless! I have yet to catch up with a majority of the chapters, but I'm enjoying a lot of sneak peeks and Gufu's creative process in private in the meantime. Between the conflict this story is utterly hilarious and witty and is a perfect balance between action and idle affairs. There are also so many intriguing takes on Raphael as a character & Harleep deserves a trophy on his own. I could talk a lot about this story, but truly, I cannot recommend it enough!

❦

Sleep Deprivation - [by @nyda-the-tav & Aisln] on AO3 - Gortash x Tav ❦ Plot: As Orin continues to harass the group of misfits trying to stop the Absolute, Ophelia (Tav) looks for safety in the arms of Gortash in an effort to combat sleep deprivation.

I've only recently started reading this story & both authors best believe that once I've caught up with all 50(!) chapters, I'll leave a more detailed review for Sleep Deprivation. But what I've read thus far has been nothing short of a joy, and I'm always down for a good Tav being absolutely ruined by Gortash himself. The dynamic between the supposed enemy and the hero is gripping, hilarious and not to mention really well written! Kudos to the authors! I'm really excited to read more of what you two come up with!

❦

His Star - His Queen [by @random-introverted-blog] on AO3 - Astarion x Tav/Astarion x Dark Urge ❦ Plot: An ascended Astarion kidnaps the Dark Urge/Tav from a different timeline, after loosing her in his. Desperate to save Tav/Durge from himself, Astarion follows her to rescue his love from certain suffering at his own hands.

I was recommended this story on TikTok (of all places, lol) and I wasn't sure what to expect - but holy shit. The first chapter alone had me on the edge of my seat, as you're really thrown into the action from the start, but the entire premise had me hooked as soon as Ascendant Astarion made his appearance. I often have issues with the ascended version of Astarion's character (I just looooove fixing him & I've got issues with the 'make him worse' story arc), but the exploration of what could have been in tandem with trying to save the heroine from inevitable suffering is beautiful & I can't recommend it enough. I've yet to catch up with every chapter (can you tell I've got trouble keeping up with fics, lmfao?) but either way, "His Star - His Queen" is deservedly on this list!

Note: This fic includes non-consensual sexual content

❦

Judgement by the Hounds [by @septembersummer] on AO3 - Gortash x The Dark Urge ❦ Plot: A look into the relationship of The Dark Urge (Seren) and Gortash, from their first meeting up to their shared end. "The rise and fall of the worst situationship of all time" indeed.

This one I actually finished (very slay), though I'm not sure I actually processed it. I went through all five stages of grief reading this and I'm not even sure I can say anything without spoiling the entire premise. Dear author, you have written possibly the most captivating and enchanting portrayal of Durge and Gortash & though I knew how it would end, I was wishing for a happy end through it all. There's nothing to say about this, other than it was utter perfection.

❦

Miscellaneous One Shot recommendations:

legacy with no memory by @discordsmuse on AO3 - Gortash x The Dark Urge The Weight of A Promise by @sserpente on tumblr [Part 2 is equally good!] - Gortash x Tav/OC kiddo. by @avocado-writing on tumblr. - Gortash & OC

to have and to hold by @littlejuicebox on tumblr. - Astarion x Tav

choices. by @deadtired-highkeyenergetic on tumblr - Astarion x Tav

how to win a custody battle in one easy step. by alltears on AO3 - Astarion x Tav

Dangerous by NaeveTheWizard on AO3 - Astarion x The Dark Urge

❦

Honourable Mentions:

I'm also giving a shout-out to @avani-telvanni & @infernaldaydreams, because while neither have written fanfiction I could recommend, I am obsessed with their respective artworks for Tav x Gortash/Durge x Gortash. You guys are absolutely amazing and I'm conistently in awe of what you create. You deserve all the recognition you receive and more 💕

Hogwarts Legacy Fic rec's: a very short list, but two are dear to me nonetheless!

Victory [by @jonquil] on AO3 - Victor Rookwood x Original Female Character ❦ Plot: Victor Rookwood is enraptured by the new, ancient-magic-wielding student attending Hogwarts - and Victor Rookwood always comes out on top.

Technically I started reading "Victory" in 2023, when it first came out, alas, it was finished earlier this year and I couldn't help but include it, because it remains one of my favourite fanfiction ever. To me, it's the best fictionalisation of "Enemies to Lovers" in a long time, as I was rooting for the villain to win from start to finish. From the wonderful characterisation of Rookwood to the alternative canon timeline and ultimately the victory of the villain - there's nothing like it and I was hooked from start to finish. I am still sad it's over, but I'm excited to read the prequel (as soon as I get to it, lmfao), because I know it'll be equally spectacular!

Note: This fic contains non-consensual sexual content.

❦

Invisible String [by @legacygirlingreen] on tumblr (though it can be found on both AO3 and wattpad too!) - Sebastian Sallow x Reader ❦ Plot: In an alternative, victorian-attitude-compliant timeline, Sebastian Sallow falls for the new fifth-year. This story explores the sweet beginnings of a tender love amidst hardships and battles ahead.

Admittedly, this is possibly the most biased fic rec ever, but I stand behind it nonetheless. While this fic started in March of last year & brought me and my platonic soulmate May, aka legacygirlingreen, together, it remains my favourite Sebastian Sallow fic to this day. The amount of love, time and creativity May put into this has me in awe time and time again. The sweet and tender love the two protagonists experience is perfectly fluffy and slice-of-life, yet the alternative version of the canon events of Hogwarts Legacy add the perfect amount of drama and action. I will always come back to this fic, because yes - It is that good.

[themagicbrew]

Everyone meet Cameo the Defect!

(minor warning! gross alien drawing in the bio) (also super sorry about like- any shitty grammar or spelling mistakes. I'm very sleep deprived)

Chosen Name: Cameo ('Deadname' Defect)

Age: Uknown

Gender: Male

sexuality: Homosexual

Current occupation: Founder of the hidden city, Head of "the council", inventor, (formerly) kraang rebel

personality summary: Cameo is an eccentric but self-centred kraang. What he lacks in raw strength, he makes up for in sheer intelligence. He has the most innovative but dangerous mind amongst all the kraang. He is known to be highly manipulative, often nudging others in the wrong direction- for his own selfish gain. He's petty, vain, cruel, the list could go on.

Pre-rebellion

The kraang reproduce through various methods, making them a highly invasive species once fully settled onto a planet. The Biomass that often clings to and terraforms its surrounding environment- is capable of forming "egg sacks", if given the right conditions.

This is a common form of asexual reproduction (aside from thee brood mother) that the kraang practice.

When a baby krang bursts from its sack- the newborn's flesh remains tender & pale, before eventually shifting (x).

However, when Cameo emerged, his flesh- never matured, even as he grew.

During a kraang's "rookie stage" (their races equivalent to adolescence years) They will experience many physical & behavioural changes, but one specific change the kraang look out for, is their "mutations".

the "mutations" are essentially a kraang's special abilities.

to shifting parts of their anatomy or creating a biomass- these abilities are a signal towards higher ranking kraang that their young is ready for more intensive training. if a rookie shows no signs of mutating, they will be killed off.

Cameo was lucky to avoid this brutal fate despite his defects.

Even back then, he was beyond intelligent and took an interest in forging weaponry. Somehow, this talent of his- saved him from certain death. Yet it didn't save him from the kraangs cruelty. The risk of death still loomed over him.

Throughout his entire life, Cameo would be abused- even after proving that he was useful, he would still be subjected to an onslaught of neverending abuse.

His method of survival was manipulation. If Cameo couldn't fight his way out of a situation like most kraang did, then Cameo would 'talk' his way out of it.

needless to say, Cameo grew to hate his fellow kraang. he had no sense of comradery and wouldn't hesitate to backstab them. There was only one person he could look out for.... himself.

Cameo is genuinely confident in his skills. no amount of abuse could ever change the defects mind- he was the best.

Portals, technodromes, Battle mechs, weaponry, etc

his inventions- his work- would be used in conquest. Cameo had been playing a major part in the empire for centuries. However, the kraang were foolish and could not see it- to them, Cameo was just a disposable defect first and an amazing inventor second.

Utrom's betrayal/rebellion

Cameo knew Utrom back in his rookie days. He was cruel and callous but had a strong sense of comradery, just like any other kraang he knew. Utrom however, was his main tormentor during his early days.

so Cameo was genuinely surprised to hear word of his betrayal. The defect never thought Utrom had it in him. Treachery was something unheard of within their empire.

In Typical Cameo fashion, he saw Utrom's betrayal as a window of opportunity. Thus, aided the traitor with his rebellion (coming in with an agenda of his own)

Cameo is the true creator of the Key.

He had 'helped' The mystic warriors & Utrom conjure up the plan if they were to lose the battle- however little did they know, Cameo had plans on using the Key regardless of the outcome. Cameo always had a knack for pulling strings... planting idea's into people's heads..

Cameo KNEW that the battle would be one-sided, even with his aid. He designed the key in a very special way that would allow the defect to mull over his options, preparing himself for nearly any outcome.

He hated the kraang but he knew- more than any other being in the galaxy, how they think and how they function. he knew that when the key was unleashed, that the sealed kraang would tear each other apart- desperate to snuff out any other rebels sealed alongside them.

What Cameo didn't consider, were the few remaining rebels lucky enough to avoid getting sealed away. Utrom- being one of them. (much to Cameo's disdain)

This didn't deter him. He knew how to roll with the punches. To cameo, it was simply the start of a new chapter.

post rebellion

Cameo adjusted to life on earth easier than any other kraang rebel. Humans were far easier to manipulate. He had power over them and it felt great.

He took pleasure in sparking discourse amongst them, even causing full-on wars. All he had to do- was to give them a simple nudge. perhaps gifting them kraang armour, or something "mystical", whatever it may be but something was missing

The Kraang rebels had indirectly affected Earth in many ways- some more drastic than others. Cameo would spend his time studying these changes. Sometimes intentionally playing a part in it. The planet itself already had strange properties- but when exposed to empyrean- only seemed to amplify the planet's properties.

now "empyrean", is the essences of kraang. their tech and bodies have empyrean within it. It is what they used to terraform planets to their liking.

If a creature is exposed to pure empyrean the results are unpredictable. This was how the Yokai emerged. To Cameo- the yokai were guideless creatures with no sense of direction, hiding away in fear of people. what He saw, was an opportunity.

Cameo offered the yokai a safe haven, A place hidden from humanity where they can 'truly' express themselves as long they stuck to his rules. for the next couple of centuries, he'd retain control over the yokai- creating a false identity called "the council of heads", allowing the people of the hidden city to live a lie.

present day

Cameo had been around for centuries and had met plenty of yokai like Baron. they were always a means to an end, a minor misstep along the way but for a brief moment, Cameo underestimated his opponent- eventually leading to the mass mutant that plagued NYC.

what he didn't suspect, were the turtles. ever since those ragtag teenagers accidentally unleashed Baron's Oozesquitoes to NYC, Cameo had been watching them from the shadows. He studied them and their ties to Baron, finding their misadventures quite amusing.

Along the way, He eventually hired Hugin & Munin due to their previous ties to Baron (also because he couldn't resist how pathetic they were). Now- Cameo debates on making his move. if the turtles can handle a kraang invasion, who knows what else they could handle. The defect is excited to find out.

Triva

Current voice claim is Jacob Tobia (their role as Double trouble)

Cameo's defects affect him in many ways. Back in the empire, he would wear special gear to protect himself both in and out of his mech suit but nowadays?? he has a special skincare routine to keep himself protected

Cameo still continues to make Kraang weaponry. it's his way of passing the time and relaxing. He prefers doing it when cloaked however since thumbs can come in handy

He dotes on Hugin and Munin, spoiling them like two purse dogs- in return, the Duo follow his very command.

Cameo and Big Mama are good friends :) sometimes he'll call himself 'Lil' Papa' as an inside joke. they both openly joke/talk about backstabbing each other and wouldn't hold it against them if they did. Their friendship is unique to say the least

Baron does not know that Cameo is "the council of heads" nor does the general public know. Think of it as the Wizard of Oz situation.

He is also the inventor of cloaking brooches but- many yokai have taken it and improved upon his invention across the centuries.

While Cameo prefers to cloak, he isn't ashamed of his true form- and will even uncloak post-Rottmnt-movie. He is often mistaken for a yokai rather than a kraang.

[joelsbeard]

haha it’s me again, ur writing is srsly addicting you’re never getting rid of me😝

could u mby write some hcs for joel and reader when they’re parents? let’s say they had sarah and she’s in the energetic kiddie stage so they literally never get to fuck anymore because they have to worry about her all the time, so when they do get some alone time they js go crazy with it?

little specific and i’m sorry about that😭😭 js wanted to see what ur thots on this areeee<333

LMAO the pre-outbreak!joel horny gets to all of us!!! I'm also planning on writing some fluffier stuff too with joel, reader, sarah, and ellie as well :)

Joel would be so understanding with not pushing you to do anything you don't want to, especially after giving birth. He tells you he'll wait as long as he needs to until you're ready ❤️ You also can't keep your hands off your man tho lol so you end up waiting ~ 2 months to have sex (doesn't mean you weren't fooling around before tho hehe)

He loved your body before you were pregnant, while you were pregnant, and after giving birth!! He thinks the extra meat on you (lol) and cute little lightning marks are adorable bc it just means you went through all of carrying and growing his baby and giving birth ❤️🥺

And he's always like "you're so beautiful thank you for growing our babies and protecting them for 9 months 🥺"

Obviously once you have sarah you guys are sleep deprived as hell during the little free time you get, but you also enjoy just spending time together as a family of 3 or just having the time to cuddle when she's asleep or if tommy is helping watch her.

Your first time together after giving birth is probably a little nerve wracking but it ends up all just being in your head since you and joel make sure to go slow, and if anything is sore he always stops to check in with you first 🥺

Once you adjust and it starts feeling good you're like "godd, did you get thicker since last time? You feel so fucking big babe🥺😭" and joel almost cums right there hearing you say how big he is 🥵 meanwhile he just laughs and is like "you're too sweet baby. But god you feel so damn tight, I can feel you squeezing my cock, you feel so damn good baby" and bc its been 2 months he's trying his best not to cum in like 5 seconds lol

Joel Miller is a tits man. I mean tbh he loves your tits and your ass, even your tummy and lil toes lol but if he was held at gunpoint and needed to pick one I would think he's a tits man.

He probably went nuts when you were pregnant watching your tits get huge lol, even when sarah's nursing he'll look over and be like "those were mine first little miss, fyi 😠" LOL or he'll always find excuses to stop what he was doing just so he can watch you and look at your tiddies like 😍 😭 men 🙄

Sarah and ellie probably both prefer eating directly from the boob vs bottles lol and whenever it's joels turn to take care of them he tries to give you alone time so you can rest, so when ellie or sarah are hungry and he has to feed them with the bottle and they wrinkle their noses and push his hand away he's like "i know, i'd prefer the real thing too huh babygirl, but you gotta work with me here so mama can get some rest" LMAO

I'm not gonna lie, once you and joel are fully sexually active again after 2 months, since it can be so hard for you to find time together and you also don't wanna leave sarah with someone else yet, when she's dead to the world you probably get a little handsy with each other 😭 you're like, she's only 3 months and she's asleep, she's not gonna be aware of what we're doing 😭. You guys are just too desperate for each other to let that opportunity slide lol. Or sometimes she'll be in her bassinet, her crib, or in her play pen and you and joel will take the baby monitor and go to some part of the house so he can finally rail you 😭

When she's around 3 or 4 and is more independent, you'll have tommy babysit her for a couple of hours at his house or something so you guys can finally get some alone time (thank god for uncle tommy lol) and he knows you two ask him to babysit to give yourselves a little break from running around after her, but also bc he knows yall need some of that alone time lol.

It was hard the first couple of times you had someone else watch sarah (even if its tommy) bc you and joel are such helicopter parents and you're always worried about your lil babygirl lol, but you guys also missed having that time between just the two of you

Joel probably gets a little more handsy with you at home than usual bc with taking care of sarah it's not like you can fuck when you want to, so he just has to settle for giving you more ass grabs and grinding his bulge against your ass like a perv when he hugs you from behind LMAOO

It's not always him that initiates it though, you'll rub your foot up and down his leg sometimes or wiggle your ass on his crotch lol and he'll be like "you think it's funny to tease me like that knowing i can't do anything huh baby? just wait til i get you back for that" but he can never tease you too bad bc he wants you too much and he feels bad sometimes when he makes you beg too much lol

When your milk ducts are clogged you know damn well who's helping you out with them lol. I mean, what can he do it's not like he wants to see his girl in pain 🥺 it's just a bonus that he enjoys helping lol. He's like I ain't no bitch if my girl's in pain imma help her even if it means i have to drink her damn breastmilk lol (not that he even minds it in the first place tho 😭 he basically gets an excuse to suck on your tiddies)

Or sometimes they get so full and sore and you're just like :( "babe my boobs are so sore :(" and joel of course is like 😈 "oh no my poor baby, you want me to hold them for you?" you always say yes lol, and maybe end up fucking oop

It probably turns him on knowing that not only did you carry and grow his baby for 9 months but that even after birth you continue to nurture her from your own body bc women are just amazing like that lol

When Sarah was around 4-5 you guys were full on fucking in the morning and you made the mistake of not locking your door (you were still getting used to having a child living in your house lol) and she ran in bc she wanted to bug you two to ask for breakfast. thank god she doesn't remember it much afterwards (but you and joel do 😳) and you just told her you were having a really big hug before you sent her to her room saying you'd be there in a minute. Poor joel basically went totally soft after that 😭

Other times you'd just make sure she was really focused on playing with her little dolls or watching a movie and you and joel would go to your room to fuck 😭

[cumsockwoundpack]

LAST SEMESTER: CH.3

T4T BOYDYKE GIRLYAOI SO SELF-INDULGENT IT'LL BLIND YOU

ch1 ch2

Lo, "a beer and a dart" turns into two beers per hour, chainsmoking between acrid cigarette makeout sessions, deciding to take tomorrow off work, smoking a bowl or two, and a couple rounds taking turns giving lazy head, the last of which is capped off by both of you drifting to sleep together.

Upon waking with your face nuzzled to his chest (rising, falling, his heart thrumming, all steadfastly soothing as a gently swaying redwood, rising, falling) you take a deep breath. With the windows closed and your nose pressed halfway into the pocket of his shoulder, the humid, cloying blend of blood, sweat, stale sex, and cigarette-ash hedonism coats your sinuses like treacle. You remember that you both still have yet to shower.

You peel your cheek away from his collarbone and take a breath of the closest thing to "fresh air" you've had in the last 8 hours. The rest of the room is still saturated with the postbacchanal miasma, and unfortunately, the unbidden flow of air does nothing but increase the acuity of your sense of smell.

You're unsure how much of the head rush you're currently experiencing is due to oxygen deprivation as opposed to the condensed sensory summary of last night's deviancy getting you so fucking hot and bothered that you revert to an earlier stage of human evolution.

Shaky-legged, you get up to let the cold air in. Getting the window up proves to be an endeavor, with the Landlord Special offwhite paint welding the pane to the sill, and every actin-myosin filament in your right shoulder softly wincing with the memory of their teeth every time you exert yourself. Despite this, you succeed and make it once again possible to walk, rather than swim, the rest of the way to the shower. Even when intentionally and tactically lukewarm, the water running down your back lightly sears your nerves as it contacts fresh scratches, gouges, hand-carved canyons. For the first couple seconds, the water is tinged pink.

He, nude, visibly only half-awake, opens the bathroom door abruptly without knocking, and looks at you. You are covered in blood, scared, and look like a dog that got left in the rain. He seems to finally remember he possesses a right hand, which he brings up to his eyes, sees your blood caked under his fingernails. They stand stock-straight, the full memory of last night (you can read his mind through his eye, he's recalling your face when he found himself grinding on your leg and whining) slamming into his cerebellum like an atom bomb.

"Do you usually get that hard from looking at me?"

You look down.

Fuck.

Eyes back up.

Now he's in the shower with you.

"Turn around."

Tense as hell but without missing a beat, you shuffle a quick little 180. You stare intently at the tiling, black and white checkerboarded. Stylish. Your fists are clenched hard enough to make diamonds.

"Relax! Relax," he says, opening a bottle of conditioner and lathering it between his hands. Conditioner? His buzzcut's like a centimeter long, why do they even own - your train of thought derails (killing hundreds) as the gruff dyke tenderly brushes his hands through your hair.

You let out a sigh that emanates from somewhere deep in your core as rictus tension abates into a sort of pleasantly giddy anxiety.

"I take it you don't regret last night?," you say as he massages the conditioner into your hopelessly fried and split ends.

"God, no. I'm starting to realize I've wanted you this whole time," he says, nibbling your ear and sending something unholy up your spine.

"I've been thinking something similar. Although...,"

"Hm?,"

"I worry - oo, little bit gentler please—" "Mhm."

"—about this somehow being a bridge too far. I'm petrified that this passion, this tension, this novelty is gonna fade after a month or two and that a four year friendship that could have gone on for fifty years falls victim to the three month rule."

"It won't. If it does, I think we can still work things out. I trust you," he says.

"I trust you so much it scares me. Ooh, that's nice, can you actually scratch my scalp a little, right where your hand is, ohhhh yeaahhhh... hell yeah. Hell yeah," you say, pushing your head against his hands.

"You'd make a cute dog," he says. You're unsure if he knows the kinds of buttons that just pushed.

Who the fuck are you kidding, he knows. Of course he knows!

You shiver.

When he finishes working the conditioner into your hair, you reach for the soap. He playfully smacks your hand away from it and grabs it himself, lathers it, and wraps his arms around you from behind, pulling your back against his chest. He's ever so slightly taller than you and he knows it, pecking little kisses into your shoulders and neck as he caresses and cleanses you. His guitar-calloused fingertips strike sparks off your skin as they trace along your ribs. One hand settles on your chest and idly gropes your tits, using your nipples as buttons on a soundboard (pathetic little gasps and hitched breaths, you can feel your dick twitch every time. you're sure he can see as well, which only makes your head fuzzier) while the other hand wanders down to your waist, around your hips, right to the crease between hip and thigh, clutching you firmly to him.

He's so warm. Chiselled where it counts, but still tender in all the right places. He flows like water around you, his breathing getting huskier every time he feels your chest rise and fall. You whine, involuntary, arching your back and grinding into him as his hands get closer and closer to your crotch.

"Oh, you're gorgeous," he coos into your ear, "And so needy."

"Please touch me."

"No. Gotta clean you properly first."

He roughly licks the bruise on your shoulder, tongue buttressed by lower jaw to add deep-tissue pressure as he pinches your nipple with his nails and twists. It's unrelenting, soul shaking, all-consuming, like tattoo needle on bone, issuing a free flow of precum out of you.

"Fuck! Fuckfuckfuckpleasestop, please, please stop, PLEASE," you whine, frantic, your hands flailing behind you to try and find some purchase on his (smooth and soap-slick, urggh,) skin.

He pauses.

"Was that a 'Red' I heard?"

A moment of recognition. Your hands go limp.

"...Green."

"Good girl," he says, finally taking hold of you, peeling back the foreskin, lazily running the pad of their thumb along the flared head, and gently wrapping his free hand around your throat.

"hhHhaahhnnnn~," ...Oh, dear, that's embarrassing, mutters some far-off fragment of your psyche, clamping your hands over your mouth for you, though (through interlaced fingers) you still let out sounds like distressed livestock, writhing in his grasp as he starts stroking you properly.

"Aww, c'monnn, doll," the hand around your neck pries your fingers from your mouth (they go back to holding onto him for dear life) and a thumb works its way between your teeth, their voice in your ear a steady flow of spiced honey, "Sing for me, love."

"mmmmffffffffffuck, fuck, oh, fuck, Ted, fuck, fuck!"

The rope of your psyche ties in knots. You are utterly scrambled. Through the sea of sensation and – "God, oh damn, fuck! It's so much!" – dopamine flow, a sickly, keening, ravenous tension starts building inside you. Your knees grow weak, your babble gets rapidfire and less and less intelligible, "fuck" becomes "fuhhgghh" becomes high-pitched grunts until your eyes go wide and...

"Oh, fuck, I'm close, I'm close, I'm gonna-"

He stops. You writhe. You keen like a steel chair scraping linoleum. You teeter on the edge, feeling like your soul's throat's getting garotted with piano wire, like the grape-skin membrane around your psyche is about to yield and snap under teeth, his thumb keeping your jaw wrenched open.

"Don't do it. Don't fucking cum."

You just barely hold on, the precisely-built tension somewhere behind the base of your dick slowly uncoiling as you moan and roll your hips, shaking a little ass as you grind back into him.

He's in your ear again, any pretense of restraint on your part melting away every time his teeth use your cartilage to elicit a pathetic, animal grunt of pain from somewhere in your throat.

"Did you cum?," he purrs.

"No, sir."

He keeps his hand pressed where thigh meets hip, your earlobe pinched between his canines, and his thumb practically down your throat as his voice curtly and gruffly slips two words through your eardrum and directly into the hypothalamus like a well-placed morphine needle, causing you to squeeze your legs together and arch your back like you're getting electrocuted. You almost don't actually register the semiotic content of the phrase itself through the vision-blurring white-hot static hit of pleasure that washes over you with their utterance.

After the flashbang's gone off, you consciously register that he called you, quote, "Good Boy," and your eyes unfocus again as your brain almost leaks out of your dick.

You decide to put off processing exactly how significantly that might affect your gender presentation in favor of focusing on the hand on your right cumgutter tracing a path around your outer thigh and palming a nice fistful of ass - ("God, who gave you all this?") - before getting to your tailbone and drawing a line directly downward. Feeling his soap-slick fingers parting your ass and teasing your hole, your knees grow ever weaker and your wordless, mindless pleas grow ever louder. A thought crystallizes in your addled mind and fights its way out of your throat before you can think to stop it.

"Please, Sir, fuck me. For the love of God."

"Good boy. Get out."

"Huh?," you say, your head fuzzy.

"Get out of the shower and–"

"PLEASE!", you snap, louder than intended, your desperation having reached a head as you interpret this as a sign of further denial, then, more softly,

"Please. You've toyed with me so fucking much," looking into his soft brown irises with doe eyes that you know could topple nations.

"Adorable. I'm not railing you in this studio apartment bathroom's clawfoot tub though, dipshit. One of us doesn't have healthcare."

"Oh. Mmh. Right." you say.

He turns off the water, motions for you to step out of the shower, and you do so readily. If you weren't still slightly afflicted by the combination of obligatory butch chivalry, Catholic guilt, and the urge toward canine displays of submission causing you to avert your gaze and stare intently at the bathroom door, you would have taken the time to really drink up the view of his lithe form, the way the lingering dampness makes his leg hair cling to calf, the droplet-flow of water from shoulders to waist to cumgutters to bush to the reflection of the divine between his surprisingly plush thighs as he steps out onto the bathmat.

But, alas, this courtesy was your downfall, as you had no way to react to him swiftly grabbing both your arms, passing your right wrist into his left hand to pin both arms behind your back over the course of about half a second. He leverages this grip, his right hand in your hair, and his knee pressing uncomfortably (nigh-bruisingly) into the backs of your thighs to wrench you into a wretched, back-arched posture and march you to the bed. Once there, he kicks your feet out from under you and you both catch a moment of lurching airtime as you realize he is fucking bodyslamming you (!!!!!!!!!!!) into the bed, facedown, pushing your face into the pillow to followthrough. He's straddling you now, and he releases your hands, which you wouldn't fucking DARE move. He brings his left hand to your mouth.

"Spit."

You oblige. The saliva draws a momentary string between your lips and the butch's hand, only separating when they rub their fingers together to distribute the spit.

"Again."

You whine, then oblige once more before he can chastise you.

"Good boy," he grunts.

"rrrRruff," you bark.

You bark?

"Did you just bark?" he says.

Yes, you did.

You decide to shut up.

You can almost hear him cock an eyebrow behind you in the silence before he re-asserts his grip on your hair and his calloused-but-spit-slicked thumb starts rubbing lazy circles into the clenched ring, opening the valve on a long, low, breathy yowl that had been building pressure on your throat since you were embarrassed into silence.

"So cute. So fucking adorable," he mumbles. You feel his thumb press a little harder, you clench unthinkingly, your desperation audible and breathy. Seeing you unravelled before him like this has softened something in Ted's soul, his words taking on a soft, molten, sickly-sweet timbre that places you utterly at his mercy.

"So tight. So cute. Fuck. Breathe, baby. Relax. Good boy, good boy. You worry so much, just breathe. Goooood...." - he redoubles his efforts, the tip of his thumb finally breaching the surface, "...boy! Good boy."

It's awe-inspiring. He's inside you, prying you apart with his thumb, centimeter by centimeter, knuckle by knuckle, you swear you can almost feel each individual ridge on the pad of his thumb as he grinds it inexorably deeper, running the fingers of his free hand through your hair and caressing your jaw.

You can feel him fucking dripping between the firm padding of his asscheeks pinning you to the bed by the lumbar spine.

"Ssssso.... fucking.... tight..," he coos breathily, finally reaching the point where even he is audibly struggling to keep composure as his thumb bottoms out inside you. This is not a problem for him for long, however, because when you feel him zero in on your prostate, your dick starts leaking like a sieve and you burst into tears, whimpering and bucking into the sheets.

You feel him grinding on your back, his free hand now clamped around your lower jaw, his thumb wrenching your mouth open. You can't keep your voice down. You sound like you're trying not to drown as he uses two fingers (the middle two out of the four not yet inside you, precisely) to press down on your taint externally, crushing your prostate from both sides.

It feels like you're getting fucking tazed. You'd know. You start shuddering and gasping for air, twitching, muscles (that you didn't know you had!) tensing to what feels like the point of snapping. Your salivary glands are working overtime and choking you on your own drool occasionally. Everything goes a little bit grey and fuzzy. There's pressure building. Oh god.

You peel his hand from your face and out of your mouth.

"Can I please cum?"

"Good manners. Cum."

He wraps the hand back around your throat and squeezes. Three perfunctory, businesslike jabs at your bitch button and dopamine hits your brain like a sledgehammer as your whole body goes limp under him.

"So pathetic!," he says, voice tinged with joy, his choking hand loosening, and his thumb... still going full strength, oh god, oh god, oh, God, you hear your wails reverberating off the unfurnished walls, filling the room, overflowing and leaking out through the door, fuck, are you still cumming? Oh, oh god,

"Fuck, it's too much! I can't fucking take it!"

"Aw, don't you wanna be a good boy? For me?"

"Please, please stop, please, i think i'm still cumming, fuck, stop, nonononono-"

He leans right down next to your ear.

"I love you," he growls.

"Oh god! I, I- Oh, I fffhgg-"

"Good boy. Cum. Again. "

You remember him biting down on your ear and grinding his thumb into your hole one more time right before you black out.

[yellowloid]

my experience at am's show (3arena, dublin, 15/10/2023)

starting to write this post while stuck waiting at the airport, after somehow managing to get rid of my sleep deprivation headache through an overpriced orange juice. (edit: it's been two days and i'm stuck at home with a cold and it's all their fault) (jk) (i mean i guess that's giving me an incentive to finish writing this post so yknow. silver linings)

i'm sorry in advance because i know this is gonna be super long (and probably less cheerful than my other recap posts because i'm opinionated) but i swear i'm gonna try and not be insufferable (said as i obviously lie)

• SO let's start off by saying that we made it right in time for the start of miles' set (we were looking for our seats as he came on stage) and thank god because i was shitting myself and almost throwing up thinking we were gonna be late bc the bus we were supposed to take never showed up and we had to take another one. we literally SPRINTED up the stairs once we were in and heard he was coming up

• seeing miles open for them was moral compensation for his milan concert that i wasn't able to attend despite having tickets in 2022

• he had a very short time slot as usual with opening bands :/ and unfortunately that led to everything feeling a bit rushed :( like i'm not sure how he's been playing songs like cry on my guitar or the wonder at his latest gigs but they were SO DAMN FAST like please slow down i want to let my fav omb song sink in 😭

• still i absolutely LOVED his set, especially colour of the trap (which was AMAZING live), rearrange, come closer and inhaler. his energy was through the roof, he was literally buzzing and if you can already see how much he loves performing via video, it absolutely shines through when you see it live like. bro's literally a ball of light and energy and like. the sun personified l??? he's got so much charisma and a great stage presence. he was all smiles and really really tried to get the crowd hyped. loved him loved his set

• speaking of the crowd. it was absolute bullshit they had ZERO idea how lucky they were to have tickets to one of those four dates and how iconic it was that mk was opening for am after all these years. or maybe they just didn't care idk but i swear to god it wasn't even the usual "crowd who's not interested in the opening act" which. again. do you know how lucky you are you're seeing them both on the same night. don't let yourself be fooled by that cott video with the phonelights on, that was the only thing they did to show miles at least the tiniest bit of support - they were fucking dead otherwise, which is so weird because if you know am at more than a surface level you most likely know who miles is, and you probably know at the very least some of his songs... and yet they were so fucking quiet it was honestly painful to witness. most people there really had no idea how much lore was behind those gigs and it shows

• but again, it wasn't even that they weren't interested in the opening act. because they were fucking dead even during the main set. my section was full of drunk guys who were kinda hyped but very annoying (we'll come back to this later) but even in the pit which is supposed to be the most active area it looked like everyone was asleep and woke up at random times remembering they were at a concert and they were supposed to cheer and sing and just act accordingly ??¿¿??

• not even dancefloor or diwk managed to wake them up......DIWK. that's like. the song that's guaranteed to make the ground shake. i've seen am three times this year and in both paris and rome the crowd was usually only dead during the car songs (and tbhc depending on the song) - but they were INSANELY active during other songs, both oldies and classics. but this crowd was so disappointing literally snork mimimi-ing their way through the show

• anyway. miles should have played wrong side of life just for me and he also had the opportunity to do the funniest shit ever and play killing the joke or see ya when i see ya but alas one cannot have everything

• he did do something very......interesting during cry on my guitar (and i think also during one man band? but i'm not sure). my guy pointed at the mirrorball while singing "late night, all night, miss your kiss" which was kinda insane and i lost my mind a little but anyway

• as we all know there was no tlsp because he removed aviation first and then sntm which particularly hurt because he did it just a couple of hours before the show and when i saw that i just Knew. i knew shit was rapidly going downhill but still i was holding out my hope!!! i thought well there's still 505 or maybe they're saving sntm for later!!! i chose to keep being delusional!!! and boy was i about to get slapped in the face!!!

• now before we talk about am's set allow me to tell you a funny story. as i said my section was full of men who were very hyped (especially for wpsia/fwn/am songs) and the guy right next to me in particular (who was there with some other male friends) was, to put it shortly, a fucking annoyance. i was there with my brother and as we were waiting for the start of am's set he went to get us some water; so i was there alone minding my own business when the guy next to me immediately started hitting on me (he literally waited for my brother to leave bc he probably thought he was my bf lmao real smooth man). he was trying to make conversation asking me where i came from or things about the band, if it was my first time seeing them and what song did i think they were gonna open with and internally i was like BITCH who do you think i am. i literally know their setlist by heart. you and me are not the same

when i told him sculptures was gonna be the opener he was like 'mmmm idk' and i was like shut the fuck up. he was so condescending and patronizing about it and mentally i was like honey trust me we're not the same kind of fans i know much more than you do. anyway spoiler: of course they opened with sculptures

(he was also from england and told me he saw them in london at emirates stadium and when i asked him if he saw them on THE night when miles joined them he was like 'haha no' at which i was mentally like bro you didn't even see them on the right night why are you pestering me with your lame ass attempts at hitting on me. and he was so close too and already tipsy and basically just a stereotypical english dudebro and i swear the whole scene literally looked like this

but anyway then my brother came back and he finally shut up

• the problem is. this guy and his friends then started chugging on their beers and getting really drunk and the whole show this fucking idiot had no idea what personal space was because he kept invading my section and kept moving around drunkenly and i couldn't even fully enjoy the concert because i was so fucking scared i was gonna get elbowed in the face sooner or later, and i even tried to push him off because he kept bumping into me with his clumsy ass drunk moves but he just kept fucking being a nuisance the whole show and i really really wanted him gone from planet earth <3

• this went on to the point that i was dreading the fast and more active songs because this guy would just start being really frantic and overexcited and i literally feared for my life but even during the calmer songs he was fucking annoying like bruh. i appreciate the enthusiasm but i promise you don't have to throw it back to cornerstone like calm the fuck down or at least back off and stay in your fucking lane or i swear i'm gonna bite your head off

• anyway now let's talk about the actual show

• let me start by saying that yes i may have some complaints but regardless of everything it was (as always) a fucking great show. no doubt about that. i very much enjoyed it and i'm also very happy we were the first crowd to experience the strings live. i definitely got some better setlists (rome's lives in my head rent free), but it is what it is. beautiful show but well, it's always a beautiful show with them and we all know that. i may have mixed feelings about some things but these are just my opinions so please don't come at me lmao

• about the setlist: i definitely would've appreciated if we got a bit more tbhc (we only got the title track and that was it... i mean at least i got to hear it live, for the first time if i remember correctly, but still..... i'm mourning the loss of 4/5 and star treatment) (we didn't even get the iwby x star treatment x jet skis mashup which i was really sad about because i LOVE that mashup and i would've loved to hear it again); for the car, i'm so happy i got to hear hello you (we'll talk about this more later) but i also would've loved to hear perfect sense again because </3 sir that's my emotional support favourite the car song </3

• i was also thinking we'd get a bit more wpsia since originally it was the uk&ireland tour and back in june they played some more songs from that album, also because usually the closer they get to home, the more they go back to the origins... i was so hoping for mardy bum, a certain romance or ritz but instead we only got the view from the afternoon (not complaining about that tho) and dancefloor (please for the love of god remove that song from the setlist forever thank you very much)

• also if you want to give us sias (good) then why would you choose to give us don't sit down.........give us hellcat.......give us the title track........anything but That One...................

• however i got my beloved cornerstone (<3), 505 with the new string outro (but at what cost) and also all the car songs with the orchestra so that's a win

• as usual the crowd was kinda dead during the car and tbhc songs but again. they were already dead so they only became more dead during those songs

• they didn't really interact that much with the crowd, nor with each other; alex limited himself to the usual ("good evening dublin", "how you feeling/are you enjoying us dublin", "thank you", a couple of "terrific" here and there but that was it) + he did a shout out to jamie during cornerstone ("it's jamie cook here on his electric guitar!") and i think they scissored at some point during the body paint outro

• the transition from teddy picker into crying lightning was absolute FIRE my ass was shaking

• now for some silly antics

• after the piano interlude before high he said "why'd you only call me when you're high........" in the lowest saddest way ever as he usually does. okay man 😃👍

• he introduced arabella by going "i'll tell you about a girl that i made up......real character......arabella" like bruh we got it we understand you totally made her up and she's 100% not real like i promise we Get It we really do. why do you always feel the need to reinforce that why are you so adamant about it ESPECIALLY when in the presence of a certain someone......you're so sus

• "and it sounds like..........THIS" before the arabella guitar solo. literal chills

• "let's bring this party down to the cornerstone.........woah 😯"

• he always adds this thing during cornerstone i remember he also did it in rome and then i forgot to post the clip but i swear i never understand what he's saying i've seen some people transcribe it as 'ken barlow' but to me it sounds more like 'jenny ballow' or smth like that which doesn't make sense either way but still. does anyone know what i'm talking about and wtf he's on about

• nothing to say about cornerstone. beautiful beautiful beautiful as always <3 he also did the "squeezed me very tightly" bit that he always does and it was the cutest thing

• he sang the last line of the song so cuntily it was like. 'yes 😗 you can call me anything 😏 you want 💅' if it slayed

• after the song ended there was a moment of silence after which he went "......they kept in touch" and i felt the need to put him in a blender and drink him whole

• "from our first LP wpsiatwin, the view from the afternoon......."

• he got on his knees during pretty visitors. where he belongs

• we also got knee socks but there was something wrong because his voice cracked multiple times on the higher notes, he didn't even finish singing some lines - he just stopped, shook his head and then tried the next one... idk what was happening but he really looked like he was struggling during that song :(

• at the end of fluorescent adolescent he sang "remember when you used to be a rascal....... ~do you remember?~" which i saw he also did at last night's show and idk man that was kinda sus

• the strings were absolutely amazing showstopping spectacular and really put a nice ribbon on the songs they were used for (especially 505 and hello you) but that just makes things even more infuriating because why did they only get the whole orchestra there for the last four shows which weren't even originally supposed to happen.......... are you telling me if alex hadn't caught laryngitis we never would've have got them or what. like what's up with that

• anyway up until this point despite the lack of sntm i was still a sweet naive summer child who had some hopes left for 505. but the moment the music started playing without miles having been introduced to join them i knew. i knew we wouldn't get shit

• the 505 outro with strings was amazing tho......so melancholy and beautiful and just sososo pretty i loved it. would've loved it even more if miles and alex smooched right there and then

• as i said the crowd was dead even during diwk which was absolutely embarrassing lmao like wtf. not only was i the only one popping my pussy to the car and tbhc songs i also was the only one doing it to the most basic ahh song (still a banger tho it's always so powerful live 10/10)

• i can't believe the biggest milex interaction we got was alex saying "let's hear it for miles kane" right before body paint... i nearly lose my mind there and he literally just said his name (not a dedication like some people said) but i mean. that was at least acknowledging each other so i'll take that (said as i rip my hair out and bite my tongue and roll on the floor hitting myself)

• i was so delusional at that point when i heard he said his name i thought well maybe they're gonna be random and he's gonna join for body paint!!!!! which in hindsight i'm like. girl do you have any idea how insane you sound rn

• "thank you for having us dublin, it's been lovely" said with the most 'i'd rather be anywhere else than here rn' face and tone ever :/

• btw his little HA! was very <3<3<3 and at some point he was like scratching his head in such a cute way i almost forgot how mad at him i was (emphasis on almost)

• "just a trace....... just a trace....... just a traaaaaaceeeeeee....... just. a. trace. on your legs~ and on your arms~ and on your face........ your faceeeeee"

• when they left the stage before the encore the crowd was shouting "one more song" but all i wanted to hear was "miles, miles, miles fucking kane" because who knows maybe that would've shook them up and they'd spontaneously decide to call him on for the encore (incredibly delusional)

• hello you as the encore opener was fire, i'm so glad i got to hear it live AND with the strings too, it sounded just like the recorded version and you could hear the improvement in the live version so clearly compared to when they first debuted it; the mirrorball still hadn't dropped and since i haven't been watching many videos from the north american tour i was like ??? i thought it was maybe malfunctioning bc only the little one at the back was shining before but them BOOM the main girl dropped during hello you and it was crazy beautiful!!!!!

• "i bet that YOU look good on the dancefloor, dublin"

• at the end of the show he was blowing and catching kisses, they were bowing and waving to the crowd and that's when i realised it was my last time seeing them this tour and you could see the exact moment my heart cracked i was desperately hoping they'd never leave that stage </3

• it was an amazing night but it very much left me with a bittersweet taste in my mouth - because, as i've been saying, the vibes felt so off and i don't even know why. i can't exactly point out what was wrong, because really we have no idea what goes on behind the scenes; and i'm not even talking about it through a milex lens or smth like that. i mean, i was absolutely disappointed that nothing happened - no sntm, no 505, nothing -, but when i say the vibes were off i don't mean it in a demon way. i'm talking about the band. they really looked like they didn't want to be there, probably because they're tired and burnt out and can't wait for the tour to be over so that they can have a much-needed break. they must be exhausted and i get that, i really do; but still. it was a bit disappointing and i hate that i can't fully put my finger on why it felt that way, what was wrong, why did everything feel so rushed and why the well-oiled machine feeling translated into 'we're gonna play this show so soullessly it's gonna fly by more quickly' but it really felt that way. also mind you, i'm not even saying this as the 'tumblr fan who follows every show they play and knows all their antics by heart so that's why she notices perfectly normal things no one else notices' (like i remember the discourse back when they played glastonbury, and that really made sense because ofc casual fans are not gonna notice everything we notice) - but no, i'm not doing this that way. because my brother, who's very much a casual fan who knows nothing about the lore or the usual way they play shows (he saw them with me in paris so he had some kind of basic for comparison but that's it) said THE EXACT SAME THING. he agreed that the vibes felt very off, he also had to listen to me angrily ranting about it all the way back to the hotel and once again he agreed that the show felt, to put it very simply, kinda weird.

• now speaking of miles not joining them... the fact that he removed sntm at the very last minute was one of the sussiest thing he's ever done because why would he even add it to the initial setlist only to remove it just before the first show. it literally doesn't make any sense but i'm choosing to believe there were some technical problems out of their control, no time to rehearse or something like that... they're still best friends and if they weren't okay they wouldn't even have asked miles to open for them. i do find it weird and stupid that they'd miss this opportunity and i'm so angry at them for being dumb and not doing anything with it (unless something happens tomorrow), i'm very much heartbroken and my mind was and still is wandering trying to find more or less rational or delusional reasons why they didn't do it. i was drowning in grief after the show and the day after because i simply couldn't wrap my head around it all, but that's on me for having expectations i guess. i know they're still best friends. they're also never beating the divorce allegations. the two things can and should coexist when you're in an obsessive codependent homoerotic friendship and you're constantly having filthy telepathic sex with each other

• someone please get them to therapy or lock them in a room and throw away the key until they talk and sort their shit out and it stinks of sloppy nasty make-up sex in there because at this point it feels like we're fucking intruding on their fucked up psychosexual games and i'm SO TIRED of being a child of divorce. please we know you know everyone knows you're obsessed with each other just stop being insane (barely acknowledging each other) and start being insane (having crazy gay sex again). i promise all your problems would be solved if you just fucked each other into oblivion like the good old days

• ANYWAYS. i'm still kinda sad and angry over the way the show unfolded and it's not really helping that it's dawning on me that there's only one show left and then they're gonna disappear for god knows how long. i still loved the show, don't get me wrong, and i'm very grateful i got to see them again before the end of the tour and also to see miles for the first time during the same night. i do feel very lucky and despite the fact that we got no tlsp reunion or 505, the fact that miles was opening for them after YEARS of this not happening is still very much history in the making. iconic in and of itself. i'm also happy i got to visit and fall in love with a new city, i'm missing dublin so much and i miss THEM so much and i'm feeling so sad and bittersweet and heartbroken and ugh. i swear i can't even explain it to the full and i can't believe the tour is almost over </3 but that's a thought for another post..........

• for now i just want to see what happens at the last show and enjoy it to the full because yes we might have complained about some stuff along the way (i know i just did it myself lmao) but it's been such an amazing and memorable tour i just wish it'd never end </3

[jinkookspencil]

bts as musicals

simply put, bts as staged musicals i'm familiar with. a very random list and post i wrote up at 3am. it's not to be taken too seriously of course, and this is just my sleep-deprived opinion and take

namjoon - hamilton

i feel this is self explanatory for anyone familiar with both hamilton and nj

hamilton, entirely self written about a self-made man with the weight of the world on his shoulders who needed to prove himself, all while being completely in homage to rap legends through and through

HELLO????

hamilton is also a musical very centered around loss and i can really see that in joon

loss, rap, and the eternal internal struggle!!!

he'd have so much fun with it but it'd wreck him

satisfied especially

also i hate to make this point but when it comes to the hate that these two receive, sometimes it’s clear that it’s really forced hatred

seokjin - hairspray

the ladies choice amiright ladies?

obviously there’s link, the very attractive man who everyone wants 

who is hopelessly in love with a plus sized beauty <3333 so jin

jin has often expressed his love of being “unserious” and we all know he can be like that mostly on camera, but he definitely has that more serious side that really is the basis for his character

isn’t that vaguely reminiscent of hairspray too though?

we often think of it as this unserious musical but it actually has more layers than one might remember, discussing prejudice, body image, individuality, self-image, integrity

i think all of those things matter a whole lot to seokjin 

yoongi - les miserables 

fuck the system 

really, all about rebellion and revolution 

but also let me break your heart a little

and let me make you remember that you’re actually living life

very similar themes across both yoongi’s solo work and les mis - injustice, class, tragedy, loss, to name a few. while also being so sympathetic towards its varied characters, reminiscent of yoongi’s sensitivity and mindset

shit think of how yoongi might react to 'i dreamed a dream'

hoseok - wicked 

I think jack in the box just solidifies this as my pick for hoseok tbh

because there’s the childlike wonder side we all see and know (wizard of oz, j-hope of bts)

but then everything that surrounds it and the real story behind it (wicked, jitb)

both wicked and jitb offer a look into a “character” we think we’re familiar with, but it turns out we really aren’t

when we finally see them tell their story in their own words

elphaba struggles with her “role” and so does hobi, literally spelling it out for us in jitb

they both feel trapped, and thus reclaim and reinvent themselves 

It’s a very identity-focused musical/album that still links back to prejudice in our world, too and "where they fit in"

jimin - chicago 

sex

chicago is a look into fame/celebrity and corruption and ambition, and i think jimin has quite strong values when it comes to that

to me, it seems as though he finds those topics very interesting to think about

and also, how that all intersects with sexuality and gender

it feels like the crux of what chicago is as a musical but also who jimin presents himself to be

taehyung - west side story

i wanted something that’s a bit of a more classic musical for taehyung, and out of the ones i am familiar with, wss seemed the most fitting (tho i have a sneaky suspicion that one of the ones i am *not* familiar with might be more him)

taehyung is a romantic and, like nj, he almost romanticizes his losses and spends time looking back and reflecting on his own relationships and even his relationship with 'love' as a whole - layover proves it

so of course wss makes sense, the dance numbers, the longing, the risk of it all, the fact that it's story about "the power of love"

i think it'd leave quite the impact on tae, if he hasn't seen it yet

despite being a retelling of romeo & juliet (which tae would LOVE) wss also set the precedent for many musicals to come, much like tae did. looking back, it was very innovative for its time in so many different ways

musically, it's very taehyung. i could see him wanting to do covers of the songs. maria, tonight, and something's coming (he'd always go back to this song)

in every iteration of it, it's also very cinematic and very personal at the same time, which means it is very taehyung

jungkook - grease 

I didn’t WANT to pick grease and feed into that stereotypical ‘bad boy jk’ idea

but like i can’t not

and it’s not so much that it is representative of who jk is as a person

except aesthetically (the dazed cover is proof)

but that i can see jungkook himself enjoying the musical numbers and poking fun at john travolta, imitating him in his dance moves

i think he’ll particularly enjoy “you’re the one that i want” and might develop some sort of ‘corruption’ fantasy of turning a good girl bad

this might be me projecting that i want jk to do to me shhhhhhh

oh and he will go through a phase of calling his car “grease lightning” and sing the song every damn time he gets in it

yeah it'd be hard as fuck to get jk to get rid of his john travolta impression

[kefiteria]

Clematis Whisper

Characters: Ivan x Till (Alien Stage)

Tags: Flower shop AU, no angst, no aliens, no round 6, just pure comfort and fluff of Ivan and Till.

A/N🍨: I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took Round 6 in the knee... I'm sleep deprived but this au shall exist to ease my mind

In the heart of a quaint suburban town nestled between rolling hills and whispering trees, a charming little flower shop awaited the dawn, tended to with care by Till. With delicate movements paired with his rough palm, he trimmed the stems of vibrant blossoms, ensuring each petal was fresh and full of life. The soft murmur of a melody drifted through the air, blending seamlessly with the gentle hum of Till's voice as he worked, infusing the shop with a serene ambiance.

The golden rays of morning sunlight filtered through the lace curtains they bathed the shop in a warm casting dancing shadows upon the polished wooden floor. The air was sweet with the scent of roses and lilies, carrying whispers of a thousand dreams and secret wishes.

In the quiet stillness of the early hours, Till meticulously checked the inventory, ensuring that every bloom was accounted for and tenderly watered those in need of a little extra care. The cash register sat patiently, ready to greet the day's first customers with a cheerful chime.

Amidst the tranquility, a tiny steps with anticipation knowing that soon the shop would come alive with the laughter and chatter of visitors, each seeking to bring a touch of floral bouquet into their lives. With a smile, Till continued arranging a bouquet of clematis, destined to bring joy to its recipient at precisely 11 am.

As the clock chimed 11 am, a figure draped in a sleek black turtleneck, his hair meticulously styled, entered the shop. The gentle jingle of the bell announced Ivan's arrival, his stoic expression masking the warmth within.

“Till, I'm here.” Ivan spoke in his usual reserved tone, his presence commanding yet understated.

Till nodded in acknowledgment, a soft smile playing on his lips as he greeted his friend. “Ah, Ivan, it's wonderful to see you.” Till said, his voice carrying a warmth. “Your bouquet is ready. Allow me a moment to retrieve it for you.”

With a reassuring nod, Till went into the depths of the shop, his steps quiet and deliberate. Moments later, he returned cradling the meticulously crafted bouquet in his hands.

“Say Ivan, you've been buying flowers a lot recently. Mostly it's clematis. Is it your favorite flower?” Till asked, his curiosity piqued by Ivan's consistent choice.

Ivan's response was tinged with a quiet nostalgia. “Not necessarily my favorite.” he admitted, his voice carrying a hint of contemplation. “But there's something about clematis… They hold a special significance for me, a reminder of something… or someone.”

“Must be one lucky person, then? Good for you. Well then, like always don't forget to trim the stems at an angle, change the water every couple of days, and keep them away from direct sunlight to make the clematis last longer.” Till reminded Ivan, his voice gentle and reassuring as he recited the familiar care instructions.

As Till moved to attend to other tasks, Ivan's mind raced. He had assumed Till would catch on, but the realization that his subtle hints had gone unnoticed hit him like a wave. With a sigh, Ivan resolved to be more direct in the future, lest the opportunity slip away entirely.

“Yes, the person is indeed a lucky one,” Ivan replied, his surprise evident in the slight widening of his eyes. “And thank you for reminding me again about the flower care.”

The day ended well for Till, the gentle hum of the flower shop gradually fading into the tranquility of the evening as he made his way home. As he approached his doorstep, he noticed something improper – a single clematis, its delicate petals illuminated by the soft glow of the streetlights, resting gracefully on his doorstep.

Till's heart skipped a beat as he picked up the flower, a small note nestled beneath its stem. With trembling hands, he unfolded the note with his eyes scanning the handwritten message:

“Till, you are the lucky person I mentioned earlier, and I hope this clematis serves as a reminder of the beauty and joy you bring into my life. With gratitude, Ivan.”

Till's heart soared with confusion as he read Ivan's heartfelt note, his cheeks flushed with warmth. For a moment, he stood there overwhelmed by the depth of Ivan's feelings.

But as reality slowly seeped back in, Till felt a sudden rush of emotions. He glanced around nervously, suddenly self-conscious of his emotional display on the doorstep.

With a quick shake of his head to clear his thoughts, Till composed himself and tucked the note safely into his pocket. Taking the clematis with him, he entered his house, a whirlwind of emotions swirling within him.

Closing the door behind him, Till couldn't shake the feeling that something significant had just shifted between him and Ivan. He settled into the quiet comfort of his home, he couldn't help but wonder what the future held for their relationship.

[alexandia03]

Inkpot Gods?? I'm listening 👂👂👂

Ahhh, yes. This is my baby project that started as a little joke and spiralled into me planning a spin-off fic for Memento Vivere. It is still in the early stages and I had a separate post prepared for this but...

Inkpot Gods will be a collection of stories about the other Cardulo-Tavis idiots I absolutely fell in love with (and everyone gave them a warm welcome so far so...). The first chapter already has 3K words and unlike with MV, I have no idea where I am going with this story. It will mostly be a place where I will throw all the stories and flashback scenes I come up with about Braelyn and Derik (if I am suffering I am taking you all down with me).

And there will probably be many 'afterlife' chapters with these two watching over their younger siblings because I love to make myself suffer like that.

The title is inspired by this goddamned song from The Amazing Devil, which reminds me a lot of Braelyn and Derik's dynamic as a couple.

And now a little sneak-peak...

I look at the soldier standing closest to the bars, laughing at a joke his colleague made, paying us absolutely no mind - we are a threat they have already neutralized, in their arrogant narrow minds. But oh, I could make him throw me his sword though these bars with just a couple of words… better yet, I could make the rider next to him, a mountain of a man who is twice my size and who probably has a lame-ass fire signet, turn on his friends and kill them for me. I could do it all and even more.  “No, you couldn’t.” Derik groans and I am vaguely aware of his spectral presence squatting next to me. I don’t even know when he moved through the cell to come next to me by the cell bars. “You haven’t eaten anything since before you were captured by General Bitchgail, you haven’t slept in days… not to mention you almost drained yourself when you manipulated those two dragons yesterday.”  “Since when are you the voice of reason?” I grumble, my voice barely above a whisper and still refusing to look towards him. He is not here, not really - I know he is just a trick of my own sleep-deprived mind and the last thing I want is to draw the attention of my mom and Mrs. Tavis by arguing out-loud with this fucked-up hallucination of my dead boyfriend. 

[william-solace-aaaaa]

@superherokisser sorry if it's not good, it's in it's early stages😅 I haven't even properly re-read it yet to make sure it makes sense bc I'm tired and it's pretty much 12am rn, the chapter is called "cursed birthdays" but I also might change that:) also srry if it's too short I'm just rlly sleep deprived and I'm abt to pass out🥲❤️ gotta copy n paste it into tumblr now. It's 1396 words.

@nico-di-angelo-aaaaa

@camstargone

Here:

A Cursed Birthday

I woke up this morning thinking all was well, and it was just another ordinary day, for me, anyway. But no. I don't even get one birthday of peace. It's always something every year. I mean, last year,  a bunch of rats ate the cake. The year before that, my hamster, Charles,  the magnificent, committed suicide.  And this year, I get sucked into a magical portal. Yay.

It was normal. Nothing happened the entire day, and I was sceptic, to be honest. But no. The one thing that couldn't have happened (due to its... well. Impossibleness) just had to happen. Thanks a lot, God. I swear I'm cursed or something.

It was around 8 pm by the time I finally let my guard down about my evil-birthday curse. I was walking my amazing dog, Ruby. She is this adorable black and white pitbull that puts any and all other dogs to shame. So naturally, I was showing her off... at 8pm, in winter. In my defence, I'm definitely not the smartest person I know. I mean, what lunatic would be out at 8 pm in winter, in the UK? Besides me, of course.

I was walking through the nearby park, like I usually do. But this time, something had caught my eye. The park was empty except for me and Ruby, but there was an object emitting some sort of blinding light. The kind that if you were to look at it for more than a few seconds, then when you would finally look away, you would have little dots dancing around your vision. When I picked it up, which I kind of see was a bad idea, it was like holding fire. I dropped the glowing thing, and Ruby started to bark at it, the burning feeling still prickling my hand. Then, right where the object had dropped, some sort of vortex had started to open, sucking me in. The last thing I remembered after that was falling.

Thankfully, the forest that I fell into had some pretty tall trees that cushioned my fall (not really). I angelicaly landed (crashed) onto the ground.'Ow! Damn it, who put trees here?' I yelled because it really really hurt. My body made this cracking sound, and my leg had bent in a super unnatural way. There was bone and a lot of blood. A lot. I blacked out (I don't know why, though)

When I woke up, I was on a bed in a sort of cabin-like room. There were 2 green sofas against the walls facing each other, with a little coffee table in the middle and a kitchen, in which I was in the middle of on a table, not a bed, which was probably why my back hurt like hell. There were two people in the kitchen, one baking some sort of bread and the other washing some dishes.

'Ow.' I winced as I tried sitting up. Pain shooted to my leg. 'Oh! You're awake.' Both people had turned around and were now looking at me. 'Your leg was pretty badly hurt. How did you manage to do that?' The girl said, looking at me with disapproval. She had long, blonde hair that looked so straight she wouldn't have to brush it for days, and it would still have zero knots in. Her green eyes seemed to dance like a flame. She wore a lovely white dress dotted with purple flowers and all sorts of jewellery. 'What?' I questioned, still not entirely sure of what was happening.

'I found you out in the forest. You were unconscious and badly hurt, so I took you and brought you here. We had to do something about your leg, though. Sorry.' She said, which confused me until I looked down.

'AHH!' I screamed. 'Calm down, it's not that big of a deal.' The man, a strong, muscular dude with dark skin adorned with freckles that looked to be in about his forties. 'Not that big of a deal!? My leg is gone!' I yelled. 'Where did it go? I had my leg this morning.' 'Now you dont.' He replied with a proud looking smile.

'Now I- where is my leg!' I demanded. I mean, who just takes people's legs off without asking? 'I told you we should have asked, dad.' The girl said to the man. 'Exactly! Thank you!' I said. 'You guys can't just take my leg!' I yelled, directing the words at the man. 'I'm Jericho, I prefer Eric though, since you didn't even ask before you chopped my leg off!' I said (cool name, I know). 'I'm Ariel, this is my dad, Sebastian.' She said. 'Well, Ariel, lovely to meet you.' I said, shaking her hand.

'I can make you a new leg, Jericho. No need to be a baby, now, is there?' He said with a grin on his face. Rude. Before I could say an awesome comeback, he started measuring my right leg (which was still there). After a while, he walked away to go make my new leg, letting me talk with Ariel. You could tell she was one of those really pretty girls who didn't try to be pretty.

'Soo... where is this because the last thing I remember is falling out of the sky.' I said, looking at her expectingly. 'This is Emaia. Also, what did you mean "falling out of the sky?"' She questioned, looking confused and tilting her head to the side. 'Well, I was just walking my dog, Ruby, and I kinda just fell, and there was this glow-y thing and- My dog! Ruby!' I yelled, standing up from my position on the sofa, forgetting about my leg and immediately falling to the floor. 'Ow.'

I'd forgotten all about Ruby! Did she fall through with me? Is she safe? A million things were going through my head, and I didn't even notice I was hyperventilating until Ariel's dad, Sebastian, had started to shake me lightly. I had managed to tuck myself into a weird looking ball against the couch because my left leg was, well, not there. After a long, long time of uneven breathing and being told everything would be okay, I finally was able to slow my breathing. 'Sorry.' I said. I mean, I just wasted these nice (ish) people's time. 'It's alright, love,' He said in the same soothing voice he had been using for the past 10ish minutes.'Ariel had been trying to calm you down for a while by the time I came back in here because I found you a leg that would match.

He went and got me the leg, and after him showing me take it on and off, he let me look in a mirror. Well... I looked like I had just fallen out of the sky. My dark hair was more matted than usual with a few leaves sticking out, a few cuts that would easily heal on my head from falling through branches, my new leg which was made out of a amazing-looking black metal and my clothes were covered in blood. While I was checking myself out, Ariel had explained what had happened before Seb had gotten there.

'Yeah, we are probably gonna have to find you some new clothes.' He said, patting me on the shoulder. "For now, you'll just have to borrow some of mine.' He said, Ariel going upstairs and grabbing me a pair of clothes that were 1000% too big. Man, he is bulky. The outfit looked like it came directly out of the 1900s, but still, I looked at amazing as always.

The prosthetic was really weird getting used to, but after three days, I was good enough not to trip every five seconds. I didn't want to wait any longer because I didn't want Ruby to be out there any longer. In my time staying, it wasn't that hard to figure out that I was nowhere near home. These guys didn't even know what Sonic the Hedgehog was!

Me and Ariel left to go look in the forest around where she found me, and Seb had to stay because he runs a bakery! (Who would've thought.) We left at 7, after having the best food I have ever eaten, except for the cake at my aunt Jessie's funeral. That was some good cake.

[pineapplefulfillseveryneed]

Sparks tour 2023 part 3: The Royal Albert Hall - show #2

Got to be honest: I was falling apart at this point during the tour. It had been another night of only managing to sleep about 2 hours at most and after a full week of sleeping 2 to 5 hours a night it unfortunately became clear my breaking point had now been reached: I was feeling so ill from sleep deprivation. In the morning I wasn't sure I'd be able to go to the show, but I could be upright when the time came so the show was on! 💕 ...even if perhaps I would have to stay seated the entire time, which felt like it would be somewhat acceptable because we were seated about as far from the stage as possible this night. I ended up not remaining seated though, we're talking Sparks here after all, but please keep in mind that there might have been more to the show than I can relay. (Also, once again, a big thank you to my tour buddies! :))

Mr.B The Gentleman Rhymer

I'd gotten super hooked on his song Looking Forward To Leaving by now and I had sung it quite a bit back at the hotel now that I'd caught more of the lyrics so I was super stoked to hear it again this evening, regardless of how I was feeling 🌞 I also especially enjoyed his incorporated dance moves for this song, so at this night that was my recording choice when it came to his set. You can see and hear it below :) Mr.B had also incorporated a little sales pitch for The Girl Is Crying In Her Latte this evening which was beautiful. *big thumbs up*

Before Sparks came on we could spot @nocribdoll from where we were seated and said hello from a distance by means of banana dance which was both great and effective! We also spotted Edgar Wright in the audience which was cool - we're so lucky that he was the one to make the documentary, with him being such a big fan ^^

Sparks

Sparks entered the stage to another big and beautiful applause. There was a little mess up with the first line of So May We Start which was soon caught and rectified, and honestly there's something to be said about opening one's second Royal Albert Hall show with the line “they hope that it goes the way it's supposed to go”. I for one very much respect that, and the way Russell immediately switched to the right lyrics was so impressive that it made me question if what came before had happened at all. (I'm partially sorry to be highlighting a mess up, but I just really liked it and there is footage.)

The audience was so amazing yet again, and we again got to enjoy one of those especially grand applauses already when we were just two songs into the show 💖 and, there was a small change in the setlist: they played VERONICA LAKE! Russell gave the song a proper introduction (a little history lesson with Sparks, if you will👌🏻) The performance was intense and beautiful and I really loved when the instrumental part hit :) (Unfortunately it later turned out to have been instead of Escalator (nooo my beloved!!!), but getting to hear Veronica Lake live really was a treat!)

The only upside about my tiredness was that I sucked a little less with capturing parts of the show in a less bouncy manner, but it's still Sparks so... (who was I kidding with “maybe I'll stay seated”💖) I captured a little bit of Music That You Can Dance To because it's a song I'm so keen to remember at every show and then it was time to dance our asses off and bring the party to this balcony! (We may have been far away, but we were front row in our section, so we started the party here just as much as we'd have done anywhere else in the hall ✨) I did a little banana at the right point in the song too, which funnily enough @nocribdoll managed to spot me doing 😂 I captured bits of Beaver O'Lindy (something I hadn't been able to resist on any night anyway because it is so special live), Russell's introduction to It Doesn't Have To Be That Way (ever since first seeing the show it was clear that his introductions to it were amazing and a little different every night), and Toughest Girl In Town (because of it being one of the most special songs to @dinkydiamond, and it just being great in general obviously ^^) But I think most of all I was capturing a lot of applause between songs, because the sound of these large audiences really was something that set the Royal Albert Hall shows apart 💕

When Gee, That Was Fun started the sadness really hit - nearing not just the end of this show, but also our part of the UK tour and that would mean saying goodbye to friends. (I couldn't listen to the song for a while after shows because it made me miss everything too much.) Luckily that's of course not where the show ends, we still had more applauding to do and we had an encore left! I really treasure A Love Story live and I could not love the choice for it as part of the encore more. I had loved it so much every night so far but it was cool as hell to see it from this perspective, facing the stage straight on yet far away. Those light effects *really* hit in full force when you can see the whole of it. (Not over the voice Russell does in parts of that song btw. SO GOOD.)

Apart from Veronica Lake there had been no major changes to the show, but why change a winning game? Edgar Wright took the audience photo once more, and the audience once more swayed its torches for All That. My memory is terrible in remembering any jokes that may have been made at this show (hell, I can't even remember Balls, my dearly beloved 😭) but at the end Russell blew a kiss up to @nocribdoll which was beautiful and I had accidentally captured him doing so, which wins :) They had to leave the stage a bit more swiftly than the previous night because Russell said they had a thing in the morning, but the applause had been so amazing yet again 💖

…And so ended the adventure of Sparks at the Royal Albert Hall.

Outside of the venue conversations were flowing like usual but as anyone present will know: I really was too broken to partake at that point. I had half a mind to go say thank you to Mr.B but having taken two steps in the direction of the merch table I already turned around knowing very well I couldn't do it this night. Somehow I still had managed to bring sufficient enthusiasm and energy to the show though, which honestly was a relief! 😌✊🏻 I'm really glad the power of Sparks had simply been too strong for me to remain in my seat. (There even had been a random guy on Twitter who had sat behind us in the balcony who had given us a shout out and had posted a picture of us dancing! I'm very fond of that photo, thanks random guy!)

[starkstruck27]

I graduated tonight, so here's a tidbit for you in celebration!! 🎓💚

It's Billy's graduation day, and he can feel daggers being stared into him from all sides. He was named Valedictorian (he has no clue how he achieved that), so Nancy Wheeler is glaring from across the stage in the chair reserved for the Saluditorian. His dad was off somewhere in the stands glaring at him, and he was actually surprised he came to see him walk the stage at all. All the kids he beat up or messed with, even if he apologized, were glaring, pissed off that they had to follow his every move to know when to stand and sit on his command. All in all, it seemed like everyone there hated him.

But there was two people that were there rooting for him, even if no one else was. He could still see them, smiling and shouting his name and waving around these embarrassing homemade signs they made to make sure he'd see them. Max was wearing a homemade shirt with a picture of his face printed on it, and it was the least flattering picture ever, from his freshman year where he was mid-sneeze when the flash went off, but he couldn't help but smile when he saw it. Steve was standing next to her and screaming loudly, unashamed of anyone watching him. He had a shirt that said "I ❤ BH", like those stupid tourist t-shirts from New York, only with his initials instead. He was waving around a giant shark plushie that had a little graduation cap sewn on it, the stitching job no doubt having been done by either Joyce Byers or Claudia Henderson.

He didn't know it yet, but both ladies were also in the audience, along with Will, El, Hopper, Dustin, and Lucas, all there to cheer on Billy and Jonathan as they both walked the stage. Mike was sitting somewhere else with his parents and little sister to cheer on Nancy, but his mother eventually let him go off with his friends once Nancy finished giving her speech.

She was the first one to do it, getting the honor of speaking first, followed by the class president and the class historian. Billy was the last one to give his speech, and as the historian sat down, his heart began to race a little as he walked up to the podium. He had his speech written on a few note cards, but he'd been sleep deprived from finals and entirely too nervous when he wrote them, so they were near incomprehensible. So he didn't even bother to get them out, deciding instead to just wing it. He'd bullshitted his way through it anyway. And nothing could be worse than the class president's speech, which the poor kid had stuttered through and barely spoke into the mic at all, so he was impossible to hear. At least Billy would be able to be heard if his speech was awful.

"Friends, family, teachers, staff and guests," he started, trying to keep his tassel out of his face, "You're probably all thinking that I'm feeling so honored to be standing here as the vedictorian of the class of 1986. I know that you probably think that this is the highlight of my high school career. Hell, our saluditorian would probably kill to be standing where I am right now."

At this, a little laughter bubbled up from the crowd, and Billy allowed himself a second to enjoy the way Nancy's face went bright red before he continued.

"But you'd all be wrong. True, I did get here halfway through my junior year and still managed to build myself up to this point with little to no support, but that’s precisely the reason I don't feel honored to be making this speech right now. It's not that I think I don't deserve it, because I do. I've worked myself half to death to get here right now, to prove to myself that I was not a complete failure and that I was good for something. So I took the hard classes, I turned in all the work, and I did the best I could to put myself where I'm standing right now. But I'm still not honored to be here, because I didn't do it for recognition. I didn't do it for praise or to prove that I'm the best or anything shallow like that. I also didn't do it out of love for school or my classes. I did it out of survival. I did it because if I didn't, I might not be accepting a diploma at all today. I did it because I had no other choice."

As Billy continued speaking, a confused murmur went through the crowd. The audience was wondering where he was going with all this, and the rest of his classmates and the staff were all wondering what happened to the other speech they'd had to listen to him reciting for the past two days at practice. All in all, everyone seemed lost, but Billy didn't care. He took a second as they recollected themselves to look up and see if his dad was still in his spot on the stands. He wasn't, so Billy kept going.

"Most of you here know that I'm not a perfect person. I'm a dick, really. If someone gets in my way, I have no qualms about punching them in the nose or making them cry as they run home to their mommies to have them make the boo-boos feel better. I'm not proud of this. It's just a part of who I am and I'm trying to work on changing it. As I'm getting older and getting closer and closer to leaving this town, it's getting easier to do that. But so far it's been a slow process, because I didn't have any reason to change. That's another reason I never quit and threw myself into my studies, because as I get closer to getting out of here, I'm finding more and more reasons to change. For one, my little sister Maxine deserves a brother that she can be proud of, not one that she dreads admitting relation to. For another, as soon as I get my diploma and decide where I'm going to college, I'm gone. Out of this town, out of this state, and especially out of my father's house. Believe it or not, there are actually people worse to others than me, and if you want an example, well, my father is the best one you'd ever find. As soon as I get my diploma, I get to be rid of him forever if I want to be, and that's exactly what I want. And finally, I met somebody. None of you probably want or need to hear about my love life, and I'll spare you the dirty details, but just know that this person is my reason for everything. For living, for working so hard, and for wanting to change. It's for these reasons, and there are probably more if I put my mind to it, I want to change out of the jerk I was and into a person that would be honored to be the best student in their class. It's for these reasons that I'm even here in the first place, why I pushed so hard to make myself survive and earn it. I'm not the best Valedictorian that this school will ever have, I'm far from it. But hopefully, now that you understand why I'm here, you won't think I'm the worst one, either. You'll understand why I'm here, what I had to do to make it happen, and why, even though I'm not feeling honored by being here, I'm more proud of myself than I ever have been in my life."

Billy had been nervous about giving a speech he didn't practice, but so far he seemed to be fine. He could see Steve on the verge of tears off to the side of him, and it made him remember that even if he was a total flop and didn't make any sense, at least a few people would be proud of him. So he decided to finish strong.

"And to my classmates, the graduating seniors of 1986, I want to say this: I didn't get here on my own. I had help, from a lot of you. I'd like to address some people who really helped on my journey here at Hawkins High, short as it may have been, and helped either directly or indirectly in my success. Heather Holloway, you've taught me to be confident and given me your friendship, which is an invaluable gift that I truly treasure every day. I love you, forever and always you'll be my best friend. Robin Buckley, you've shown me that it doesn't matter who I am or what I'm like, that there will always be people like me in the world and that if I find those people, I don't have to be afraid of what they'll bring out in me. Eddie Munson, you've taught me to be confident in all things, that it doesn't matter if the world is watching, as long as I believe in what I'm saying and doing that someday, I'll make it through and make it out, even if it takes a few tries. Chrissy Cunningham, you taught me to be sweet and kind. Jonathan Byers, you taught me that sometimes I need to see life through the lens of someone else's camera. Nancy Wheeler, you've taught me that you don't have to like a person to be proud of their accomplishments. And finally, Steve Harrington, even though you're already graduated, you know why I'm thanking you, and you know what you taught me. As we move forward throughout our lives, myself and the rest of the class of '86, I implore all of you to take these lessons with you and actually practice them. You'll be successful in whatever you choose to do with your time if you do so. Learn from these people, you don't have to like them, but learn from them. And if you do, I promise you, you'll beat the odds that are seemingly stacked against you."

After Billy finished his speech, he went back to his seat and sat down, waiting for whoever was speaking next to say whatever they needed to. He wasn't paying attention, rather looking over to Steve and Max again, who were both crying and clapping for him.

When the principal finally stood up and read out the names of all the seniors and handed them their diplomas, Billy stood up to receive his first. A shy smile on his face as he listened.

"William Felix Hargrove, class of 1986 Valedictorian," the principal read out like a robot, already tired of having to read out the names of the 236 graduating seniors after the first one. Billy stood and walked over to him, taking his diploma and shaking the man's hand as he smiled for a picture. He was sure he'd have to fake smile when he was told ther would be a photographer there, but because of the screams and shrieks he could hear coming from Steve and Max's direction, he found he didn't have to fake it. As he turned to walk back to his seat he saw them still crying and cheering, making such a scene that Billy was almost afraid the audience wouldn't hear it when Nancy's name was called, but then they quieted down.

They stayed quiet through the rest of the ceremony, except when they needed to make noise, and as soon as Billy was allowed to go and find them, they were on the field with him, both wrapping him in the tightest hugs they could manage. Max was practically squeezing the air out of him, sobbing into his graduation gown that she was already proud of him and she always would be, drawing a few tears from his eyes in the process as he muttered a "thanks, shitbird" into her hair. Steve had let them have their moment, having gone off to talk to Robin and to give her her present and a hug, but now he was walking back over, holding out the shark plushie and smiling from ear to ear.

"I got you this," he said as Billy took the animal, his own grin creeping onto his face. "I figured flowers would just die and you could eat chocolates. I wanted to get you something that would last."

"Thanks, pretty boy. I love her." He said, his face heating up as Max went to talk to her friends and Steve began to back them up until they were hidden from sight behind the bleachers.

"I'm really fucking proud of you, you know that?" He asked as they walked, keeping an eye out to make sure no one was looking as they slipped away. "And I was so surprised when you mentioned me in your speech. You didn't plan that thing at all, did you?"

"Was it that obvious?" Billy asked, but he laughed.

"No, but I just know you. You only get that look on your face when you're determined to do something completely on the fly. It was still fantastic though." Steve replied, finally finding them a quiet, dim little nook to hide away in.

"Thank you. For everything, and I really mean that, Stevie. I wouldn't have made it without you. You're everything to me, you're the main reason I did all that stuff like I said in the speech." Billy said, his voice weighed down with emotion. Steve could hear it, too, and his smile only grew wider as he leaned in real close.

"You saying you love me, Hargrove?" He asked, and the question honestly surprised Billy. Neither of them had ever said it before, even if they had felt it, so it just seemed too casual. But Billy had meant the things he'd said in his speech, about confidence and being himself and all that, and he wasn't giving up on those lessons now. He lunged forward and kissed Steve with all his might, wanting to tell him not only with words, but actions too.

"Yeah, I am. I love you, Steve." He said as they parted, his heart racing as he went in for another searing kiss. He really did mean it when he said it, too. He loved Steve, and he always would.

When this kiss was broken, it was like everything and nothing had changed. Billy was still afraid to hold Steve's hand once they left the cover of the bleachers, but until they stepped back out into the setting sun, he did it. He let Steve adjust his cap and gown before they went out to take pictures, and he let him insist on as many as he wanted to commemorate the occasion. They still couldn't do much in terms of physical contact, but every brush of fingers or press of a side that managed to take place as they snapped picture after picture was like a tiny little press of sunshine to their skin. It was different, but that was okay by them.

"Oh, and by the way," Steve asked as Joyce geared up to snap the next shot, "Since when is your middle name Felix?" And when the flash went off, all you could see what Steve looking puzzled as Billy cracked up laughing.

[moonjxsung]

Starr!! 🌟🪐

ISTG YOU'RE SO ADORABLE???

Every time u reply to my asks it just makes my day and you're so cute, can I please keep you in my pocket? 🥺 I PROMISE I'll take very good care and feed you small cupcakes and chipotle (even though we don't have it where I live but I'll arrange smth for you pookie)

Also, I listen to only 14 (out of 32?? Miss Taylor had a LOT to say lol) from the album so I can't decide yet cuz a lot of tracks have potential. But I'm slowly easing my way in, trying to enjoy it. Does that make sense? 😂

So FOR NOW I really really love The Tortured Poets Department (love at first listen), Guilty as Sin and I Can Do It With a Broken Heart.

Obv my favs are gonna change as we slowly proceed 🤡

YOUR MOM LOVES TAYLOR??? Please I wanna jam with her so bad TT

ALSO CONGRATZ ON THE ATEEZ LIGHTSTICK??? Kajdosb show show me pleasseeee. ALSO ATEEZ ON CHOACHELLA CHANGED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY LIKE WTH WAS THAT I LOVE EM ON STAGE RAHHHH!!!

*clears throat*

And omg how was ur second trip to the Kpop store? XD

I LOVE YOU MY MCMUFFIN BISCUIT EATING POOKIE WOOKIE I LOVE YOUUUY

(Yes I'm high and severely sleep deprived)

🦝

BABBYYYYYYYYY I MISSED UUUUUUUUUUUU yes please let me live in ur pocket I will gladly accept all the chipotle and small cupcakes you have to offer !

I STILL HAVENT LISTENEDDDDKDKSLWK I’ve heard so much about it from all my swiftie friends so I am collecting everybody’s thoughts and opinions and then I will sit down and properly give it a listen but I’m hearing that so much of it is about Matty Healy and I had no clue they dated back in 2014????? I am catching up on all my Swift lore you guys. Bear with me

PLSSSSS MY MOM IS OBSESSEEDDDDDD W TAYLOR she’s already listened to the album full way through like 20 times and texted me all her opinions 😭😭 you guys would get along so well KAQGHWJEJDJSKSK

THANK YOUUUUAKSKWKWKWK I LOVE MY LIGHTINY SM😔🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 I went decked out in Ateez merch too and the guy was like “are you on your way to Coachella” LMFKDLSKDK 😭😭 my trip to the kpop store was 😔 so good but I am on a buying ban until further notice 😔 I bought 2 keychains, 2 nct albums and a few photocards and now I am proper BROKEEEE 😋✊ BUT IT’S OKAY BC EVERYTHING WAS VVVV WORTH IT. ALSO ATEEZ COACHELLA SET WEEKEND 2 WAS SOMEHOW BETTERRRR THAN WEEKEND 1 KEKSKXKSKSKLSDK they also announced TODAY that they’re coming to my city in July and then to LA so I’m gonna try for tickets on both days WISH ME LUCKKKKKK 🫶🫶💖💘💓

I LOVE U SO MUCH MY SWEET ANGEL WE R LITERALLY HOLDING HANDS

[nonbayanary]

Just gonna vent a little about my fic

I'm rereading some parts of my fic and I WANT TO SCREAM AJDHDJDK like, "NO, HIRUMA WOULD NOT SAY THAT???" but it's ME who wrote it and i want to bash my own head in! To my present self, I feel as if my past self mischaracterized Hiruma so much in Chapter 2, and I feel truly ashamed of posting it at its draft stage. (Although I posted it BECAUSE I was sure that if I didn't do it soon, I would delete the whole chapter entirely smh.)

Which is why I feel genuinely shocked sometimes when people say they like my fic hhhhh. Like please don't get me wrong, I'm so so SO GRATEFUL, and I love all the kudos and comments! But sometimes, I'm teary-eyed, like, "Hiruma and Sena are SO mischaracterized here, and yall still love this fic, despite its flaws and shortcomings? AAAAAAAA!!!"

I'd also like to say that now that I'm rereading Sena's dialogue in my fic, I'm screaming, "SENA WOULD NOT SAY THAT!!!" Like ohmygod, WHAT HAVE I DONE, WHY DID I POST THIS???

But also, I can't really blame myself??? I wrote Chapter 2 when I was low on sleep, and ULTRA HIGH on coffee. Like, after working a 9 to 6 job, which is on a COMPUTER, I'd eat dinner, and then continue spending my night hours writing Chapter 2, STILL ON THE COMPUTER. Veins in my eyes would regularly pop, and I'd be typing deep into the night with scattered blood on my sclera.

Because of that, I was almost always sleepy in the daytime. So I'd combat that grogginess with coffee—TOO MUCH COFFEE. In just a few hours, I'd drink three cups of coffee, and top it off with a fourth cup, just to get the inspiration going. And inspiration WOULD come, but I'd be so high that my fingers were shaking. I would feel like I was on a different plane of existence, lile my whole core was vibrating with caffeine. My hands would dance on the keys of my keyboard, as fast as Eyeshield 21 himself. Yet, I'd be so high that I wouldn't even FEEL the keys on my fingers.

I'd be triumphant—but only for a little while. The caffeine crashes afterwards were shit. Inspiration would stop flowing, and I'd just stare at the screen blankly, all blood-red eyeballs and despair-filled gaze, with the knowledge that I ruined my body—and would continue to do so—for one mere fic chapter.

It's understandable that Hiruma and Sena would say shit they wouldn't, because I was high as fuck, and low as shit on logical reasoning.

Still, I can't help but cringe when I reread my fic, the product of several months' worth of sleep deprivation and self-sabotage. Would Hiruma say, "Lead the way"??? Would he say, "Due to certain circumstances, I will be passing away"??? FUCK NO!!! Would Sena say, "And you're the troublemaking son he talks about"????? Would he say, "So you noticed"???? I THINK THE FUCK NOT!!!

But I think all I can do is forgive myself for this misinterpretation of the characters. I'm glad that at least you guys liked this story, misshapen though it is. Maybe one day I'll rewrite this fic, when my circumstances IRL are better. When I'm out of my domestic abuse situation, and when the inspiration finally flows again, because I'm not in a constant state of fight-or-flight every hour.

Perhaps, perhaps.

[devinetheory-2]

I'm sorry I'm not sorry

I couldn't just be

Their stress-free

deprivation box.

Shameless thoughts

I've faded off

Because my chaos threatens

to break their safety locks.

And I'm taking off

Ignoring the fake

Aim take the safety off

And I haven't found an answer

To the pain yet

Exhausted

Writing rain checks

To the process

of my brain health

Try to get Enlightenment

Life is just

an insane train wreck

And I don't know how

to fight the shit

So I sit back

with a 6 pack

And use the fire inside

That keeps me alive

To light my spliff

Which chain reacts

to ignite my gift

Wondering how much longer

I can live life like this

And I can't help but wanna be more

But I am armed c4

On the ledge

on the 17th floor

Looking down at her ghost

Is it me or does it seem

That she needs more

Worrying about me

Has never been

About me before

Lost within her dream

Somehow took a detour

I am not peace...or

Release or

The power of belief

But I tried to believe

I could be yours.

The forth horse cometh

I can see more

They want to feed me war

180 degrees

I am diseased

To thee core

I am not a king

And you're right

I couldn't agree more

I have my point of view

and I've seen yours

honestly I'm probably

in a little bit of danger

considering my level of anger

And the fact that

I don't even want to be

A - ny - more

I try to be grateful

for my days because

I don't have many more

As shes on stage strumming

my pain with her fingers

As she sings her sirens song

I bring her the detonator

Depression threatening

to arrest me later

Then she calls

And seconds later

it's like she's my respirator

I can feel her angels breath

Head on my chest

The after position

that I love the best

But only when I'm

on my best behavior

The Way she moves

provokes my protective nature

Get aggressive

and you'll be a memory

just seconds later

With no evidence

for the investigator

And no one on earth

Will get to save ya

Then I awaken from the dream

Floating impossibly

The cost is cheap

These thoughts are deep

Come get lost in me

And there are different variations

behind each door

you are a star

and I am of the Earth

and the Moon seems

too high a dream

for me to reach for

But we have pain

and I feel like I love in vain

if I don't bleed yours

I'm not insane

I just bleed more

I feel everything

Intensely

Can't keep up with the beat

Im tired

But too wired to sleep

Defeat

- DT