#I'm not sure about the ADHD thing but the more I read and learn about it the more I feel like... yeah. I may have it

[redrockbutch]

I feel like "do you feel an accomplishment after completing a task" discourse is going the way of so many, where people who claim not to feel this are deciding they're the perfect ones to explain how they believe it would feel and ascribing an exaggerated level of emotion that few people ever reach, which means that more people read those posts and decide they also must not feel Sense Of Accomplishment Emotion: The Ticker Tape Parade when in fact everyone involved does, it's just small and weak bc they don't nurture that feeling and instead as soon as they complete a task they wallow over their belief that they're chemically incapable of being happy for themselves

[lawqual1ty]

Heart drawings (Trafalgar Law x GN!Reader)

Pov: After finishing your duties you end up hanging out with Law during his work but end up getting bored which results in you adding a little something to your captain's skin.

Warning: too much fluff (go get some insulin), reader has (implied) ADHD symptoms

You had never been known to be a person that could sit still for long, whether it was moving your leg around or playing with something in your hand you had to always be doing something or else your brain would go insane, which got you to offer your helping hand in a lot of situations once you joined the Heart pirates.

However there would always be days, like today, that there was not much you could do even if you asked to, so you had to stick to reading or studying for the most part after you finished your daily duties.

You were in your room reading a few of the medicine books that your Captain , Trafalgar Law, had generously lent you for your free time, however well... You were struggling... And a lot.

"Wait... What was I reading...?" You grunted, this was the third time in a row you had read the words on the book only to forget seconds later what exactly you had read with great speed. You were getting irritated. You wanted to learn more about how to create different types of medicine so that you could help your crew but your brain was having a hard time concentrating, you rubbed the bridge of your nose with annoyance.

"I need a break..." You muttered as you softly closed the book, a light tap from the cover giving you the signal that you could head off.

You wandered around for a while looking for something to do, many of your crewmates were already hanging out with each other, chatting, drinking and some even helping out to clean the medical bay, you wanted to offer a helping hand in hopes of entertaining your inevitable boredom.

"hey, what are you guys doing?" You asked softly approaching Sachi and Bepo who were cleaning a few medical supplements, the latter turning to look at you.

"Oh, we were just cleaning and sharpening some of our usual tools in case we get an emergency" Bepo tilted his head slightly "Did you need anything Y/N?"

You smiled at the sweet gesture of Bepo, shaking your head slightly at his question "Nope, I was just wondering if you guys needed any help"

Bepo looked over at the different tools placed in display, seeming to think about your question a bit too much before turning to look at you with an apologetic look on his face "Not really... I'm so sorry"

He apologized as usual, his tone shifting to a more melancholic one making you chuckle nervously, you never enjoyed seeing him like this but he was just so sweet that you understood where this attitude of his came from, you shook your hands in front of you in a way of excusing yourself, almost as if the one that had to be apologizing should be you "No no it's okay, no need to apologize Bepo..." His eyes lit up with relief as you didn't seem mad at him for rejecting your help, it made you feel relieved yourself.

You sighed deeply with a soft smile "Anyway, good luck you too" Sachi smiled at you warmly as well as Bepo

"Thank you! We'll make sure that everything is right! Oh..." You were about to leave when Sachi's words seemed to try and stop you in your tracks "If you go see the captain tell him we are lacking some oxygen tanks".

Your eyes widened at his words, why did he think you were going to see the captain? Out of shock you just nodded with a soft but shy smile "Sure thing, I'll make sure to inform him once I see him" with those last words you waved at the duo and walked away.

A sigh escaped your lips as you kept walking, you didn't originally intend to see your Captain but now thanks to Sachi and Bepo you sort of had an excuse... Right? You made your way through the cold but oddly comforting halls of the Polar Tang, you had not been here for long but these halls had definitely grown on you... Maybe they weren't the best looking but the people around them made it feel like a home to you.

You finally arrived at the office door of your captain, you were a tad bit nervous to interrupt him but... You had a job to do so you might as well shake that nervousness off and knock, which you did.

"Come in..." A light husky voice invited you inside, you breathed softly.

"Please excuse me..." You muttered before placing your hand in the door handle and opened it, a light creak welcoming you inside to the sight of your captain with big eyebags under his eyes as he drowned in paperwork, he didn't even raise his eyesight to acknowledge you "Yes? What is it Y/N-ya?".

You took a deep breath before speaking.

"Sachi informed me that we are short of oxygen tanks"

"Oh right... Write it down on the paper list and we'll get some more on the next island..."

He didn't even budge, and honestly neither did you... You knew that after this interaction you wouldn't have much to do later which made you a bit sad... So you just stood there, staring at your captain for a bit. He seemed to notice it, after all an exasperated sigh escaped his lips, his grey eyes slowly rising to look at you with a piercing cold gaze "Anything else?" He spoke, cold and firmly, questioning why you were still there in the first place... That should have been the end of your interaction, informing him was the only reason you came in there after all, right? Then why didn't you respond...? Your mind started racing...

"Captain..." Before you were fully aware of your actions you took a step forward and spoke "Do you... Mind if I stay for a bit?"

You caught a glimpse of surprise in your Captain's eyes, those grey spheres seeming to warm up for a moment at your offer. But just as quickly as it appeared it went away only for his attention to shift back to his paperwork.

"I... I'm sorry..." You were quick to apologize, your voice wavering ever so slightly

"I didn't mean to--"

"Go on."

You froze "What...?"

"I said you can stay..."

His words snapped you back to reality, he was... Allowing you to stay, you had no space for words, you just nodded and moved a chair over next to his desk taking a seat politely next to him as he kept on working.

He didn't budge at all, if anything it seemed like his concentration increased thanks to your presence, the mere idea made you happy as you sat there next to him.

Unfortunately you started getting bored once more, as thrilling as it was watching your captain work through his paperwork with graze, not budging at all, it had gotten boring after a few minutes.

You started looking around finding yourself with a pen, you softly took it into your hands and started fiddling with it... Suddenly, an idea sparked in your brain. You took the cap off it and started scribbling in your hand, trying to see if the pen was smooth enough to draw on your soft skin, you smiled brightly once you confirmed your suspicions: it was a good pen and it drew a perfect black ray on your skin with ease.

Once you discovered this you started drawing on your hands, starting off with a skeletal hand to practice the location of different bones in the hand to less professional stuff like hearts and small animals. You were entertained by your own scribbles when all of a sudden you were interrupted by Law grunting and leaning backwards on his chair.

He had his left arm laid across the chair, his tattooed hand dangling in the air, while his right arm stroked his face with obvious frustration. You stared at him then back at the pen you were holding, slowly but steadily a smirk formed on your lips.

Without a warning you scooted closer to your Captain, he didn't even realize you were closer to him until he felt your hands take a hold of his left arm, he flinched but didn't move his arm at all... They say curiosity killed the cat ... And curiosity had definitely gotten to him as he looked at you take his arm with your hand and start passing the pen around his skin in delicate but firm traces.

"What are you doing?" He questioned with a furrowed expression

"Drawing" you spoke bluntly as you focused on the piece of art that you were doing in his arm "I got bored..."

Your response caught him off guard, his eyes wide as he stared at you for a bit. A small smile formed on his lips "I need to check your medical record..."

His soft tone was like a way of signaling you something...of what he really meant: he didn't mind you drawing on him... You looked over at him for a moment only to smile and return to your drawing, you didn't know much what you were doing you just followed your heart as you scribbled. Slowly but steadily the drawing took form into a star surrounded by wavy lines that formed what almost looked like a tattoo design, you even went out of your way to draw small hearts, a secret confession of your feelings to your Captain (not that he would notice... Right?) You leaned back with a satisfied smile as you looked at your work, you looked over at Law who seemed entranced into one of his books, he hadn't budged during your whole art process. Once you leaned back he hummed softly, his eyes never leaving his book at all "You done?" He asked politely, you nodded.

"Yeah I did!"

"Good... My arm was starting to fall asleep..."

You couldn't help but laugh at his snarky comment "At least you now got another cool tattoo"

He huffed with a slight smirk "Doubt it..." You acted offended at his words giving him a light push on his shoulder winning a soft laugh from him.

"You haven't even seen it!"

"I don't need to..."

"Oh come on... You have seen my drawings!"

A soft chuckle was the only response you got, it made you smile, although he acted as if he probably didn't like it you knew that he did... Or that's what you'd like to believe...

And trust me he did...

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

A few days after the drawing incident you were wandering around the Polar Tang heading to the kitchen to get something to eat as you were pretty hungry.

You waltzed around when a characteristic husky voice caught your attention in an instant, it came from the kitchen. Following the voice you peaked through the door finding your captain talking with Penguin about something you didn't quite catch, all you knew was that it was something serious judging by Law's and Penguin's expression.

You stood there for a bit waiting for the right moment to enter when all of a sudden you noticed a small detail on your Captain's left arm, your eyes widened and your cheeks flushed a light pink...

What did you see?

Well, you saw your drawing tattooed onto his arm... That was the only reasonable explanation as to why it still looked so bright and vivid, after all a few days had passed since you did it and unless Law had taken extreme care of it it should have already been at least a little bit vanished, just like the drawings you did on your own skin from that same day.

Penguin was walking away once he had finished speaking to Law, which was your signal to pounce.

You slowly made your way towards Law catching his attention once you were hovering behind him, he glanced at him over his shoulder "Y/N-ya...?"

His question was left in the air once you took his left arm rising it to your face, much to his surprise, you scanned the drawing carefully confirming your suspicions: he had indeed tattooed it onto his skin. You turned to look to a flustered Law with a bright smile.

"You actually tattooed my drawing?!" You asked in both surprise and excitement, Law covered his face with his hand, a blush creeping its way to his cheeks in an instant

"Shut up..."

You laughed.

Maybe you should draw on him more often when you get bored...

[highlynerdy]

"Aithusa has seen her father's mate in his memories and smelled him on her father's skin when he comes to visit, but this is the first time she gets to meet him for herself."

Nepenthe and Lavender by @0hheytherebigbadwolf

My latest fanARTifact is an entirely handlettered, handbound, and illustrated book of this beautifully fluffy fic (and it has actually been in various states of progress since March 1, 2021.) More below the cut!

So as I said above, I actually started planning this fic over two years ago. Which, yeah, I don't really want to talk about because adhd is a hell of a thing. I love love love this fic (and this entire series) and I was inspired by The Black Hours and other gorgeous manuscripts with metallic on black paper.

I ordered some black paper from Canson for the text block, used Arabic gold finetec paint mixed with water and gum arabic as my ink (I used three pans of the gold paint...), and a Nikko G nib with a straight pen holder for the calligraphy. I really wanted to use one of my broad tip nibs, but I just couldn't my Uncial letters small enough with it. I used Uncial since that was technically the alphabet/font they used in the Arthurian time period.

The paper was cut down and folded into signatures of three and then I drew out light pencil lines for the text and for the margins. Every single letter was done sooooo slooowwllly because if I messed up on one page there was no way to erase it, which meant I would have to do basically four pages worth of lettering again since they were all connected.

And I did mess up.

More than once.

I think the most heartbreaking mistake was at the very end when I was trying to erase my pencil lines and I just ripped a page completely in half. The tears were real, folks.

Once I finished lettering - which took hours and hours and hours over many weeks - it was time to assemble the text block and sew it. I used gold silk thread I had leftover from Arthur's scarf (which is also used as the backdrop for the photo shoot) to sew the block together and I love how it gives just another little peek of gold to the book.

I painted the end papers in a vaguely floral pattern with the same gold and also some silver finetec paint, glued them all together and put them in my book press and then promptly didn't work on it again from October 2022 to July 2023. Sigh.

But once I committed to getting it done, I asked @swanfloatieknight to help be my accountabilibuddy and make sure I finished it this week. I tested out so many different cover designs, from fabric and thread, to paper, to finally settling on this all over design done by my cricut. Historically accurate?? Nah. I'm about as historically accurate as BBC Merlin.

I tried my hand at gold foiling and that was a disaster so I just used a gold silk ribbon to give the color a little bit more color. Once it was bound, I painted in a triskelion and Aithusa on a double page spread I left intentionally blank.

And it was finally done!

All in all, I'm pleased with how it turned out. Was it an exercise in patience? Yes. Did I learn a lot? Also yes. Mostly that handlettering an entire fic is madness and also this is far too small to case bind, but I'm a stubborn ass and it was happening regardless.

All total, I probably worked on this for about 50+ hours. It was most definitely a labor of love and I'm so happy that it's finally done.

Thank you for inspiring me to take on such a project by writing such wonderful fics, @0hheytherebigbadwolf! And thank you for everyone who reads these long fanARTifact posts. 💛

[apathetic-revenant]

uh...hi?

[head pokes around corner]

so...

I've been back to scrolling around on tumblr for a bit now, and have been really wanting to get back to actually, y'know. being here. posting. not just sort of hanging here invisibly like a mournful ghost, observing but never interacting. that sort of thing. (revenants, after all, are supposed to be corporeal undead.)

but I really wanted to explain why I just kind of abruptly vanished in the first place. no one demanded this of me, but it felt like something I had to do. and then, in the typical way of self-imposed obstacles, it became a massive stumbling block. partly because of the nerves and emotions attached to it, sure, but mostly, tbh, because it was a Task. I recently (about 3 weeks ago now?) started seeing a new psychiatrist and got an adjustment to my ADHD meds which basically made my brain boot up again for the first time in way too long. this is great! but it means I am having to kind of slowly rehab my brain into getting used to doing Literally Anything again, one small step at a time. I am not being hyperbolic when I say I had to gradually build up my executive functioning for a while just to be able to write a tumblr post.

but fuck it! I really wanted to just do this already. so, while I'm sure I'll talk about all this in more detail later, for right now I'm gonna strip this down to the bare essentials just so I can get it done at all.

here's what happened:

in 2020 I had a sudden onset of extremely severe OCD.

no, not about the pandemic, actually. yeah I was anxious about the pandemic but it was a pretty normal level of anxiety for a global pandemic, honestly. my OCD took the form of scrupulosity--essentially, an obsessive worry about being a bad person.

tumblr is....not a GREAT place to be if you have a sudden obsessive fear of being a bad person.

now, to be clear: tumblr did not CAUSE my OCD, and leaving tumblr did not cure it. that's just not how OCD works. later on, I learned that atypical antipsychotics--one of which I had been prescribed around that time, for depression--have been known to cause OCD. is there any way to prove that that's what happened? probably not, at this point! so I've just been kind of sitting with that terrible knowledge for a while.

anyway. I would've had OCD anyway, but reading a regular stream of posts going "hey, here's a really terrible thing you might be doing! you might even be doing it without knowing it! you need to think really hard and be constantly vigilant all the time for any sign that you might be doing this thing!" was basically pouring gasoline on the fire.

I never made an active decision to leave tumblr--if I had I would've said something first. I just kind of thought "god, I can't do this right now" one day and didn't open the app, which turned into days and then weeks and then months, and still things weren't getting better.

it's hard to express exactly how harrowing that whole experience was. actually I just started thinking about it and realized I would never finish this post tonight if I tried to get into it just now. so I won't. let's just say: It Was Bad.

but, by an astronomical stroke of luck, I ended up getting referred to not just an OCD therapist, not just the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid, but the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid and also she was really good at her job. I genuinely think that woman saved my life.

OCD therapy is one of those "the only way out is through" kind of things. it's brutal and also quite surreal, but it has a high success rate and is very effective. OCD is not a thing that you can cure, per se, but it went from completely dominating every waking moment of my life to being something that I occasionally have to yell at in much the same way as when the cat starts knocking things off my desk at 3 in the morning.

but, the thing was, it took a year-and-a-bit before my therapist and I agreed that I had probably "graduated" as she put it. so, by the time I felt able to go back on tumblr without my brain catching on fire again, it had been so long that I didn't know how to do it. I felt like I'd pulled a major dick move by just dropping off without saying anything. I still thought about it (usually late at night, at Time To Think About Every Regret I've Ever Had O'Clock) but my brain very easily goes to a place of "well, no one would really notice or care that I was gone, and if they did they'd be mad at me for having left."

well. earlier this year I started on the road to getting past that idea. shoutout to @fordtato for helping with that, btw.

but it took me a while to work up the courage and then, as previously mentioned, even longer to work up the neurotransmitters.

I think I gotta wrap this up for now cause I don't have much concentration juice left. but, for what it's worth: I had a lot of emotions, coming back and seeing the names of people I used to talk to all the time. I don't know how you feel about me anymore, but I really missed yall. I would like to talk to you again.

[aestherians]

Change and Loss

Word count: 1362

Expected reading time: 10-11 minutes

"If your otherkinity still serves you, it will never really leave you," is what I used to say - more as a reassurance than a statement of fact. I mean, how could I know for a fact that it was true? I didn't have any experience with losing a kintype. I still don't think I do; not really. And I always saw the idea repeated in the community - one time otherkind, always otherkind.

But I don't believe that's true anymore. I'm still a bison for sure. I've never doubted that. I'm still Ɐwhrayɐ the gnoll and I'm still Ben the shapeshifter… but I'm beginning to accept that those sides of me have changed.

"One time otherkin, always otherkin. If your otherkinity still serves you, it will never really leave you"… but what if that's not true? What if you still benefit from your kintypes, and they disappear regardless? What do you do if you lose a part of yourself, or if a part of yourself becomes unrecognizable to you? How do you keep living when you've lost yourself?

Sometime in 2023 the distress of always having to hide my true self became too much to bear alone. But I'm not a brave person. I think the better solution would've been to just bite the bullet and start expressing myself, but hindsight is 20/20. I've survived 25 years by hiding everything that makes me 'weird', and the idea of leaving my one dependable survival strategy behind was (is) terrifying. I went to a free self-help seminar ("Take control of your life!") but all it taught me is that I need a dependable support network before I can take control of my life. I went to my doctor to try and get a referral for a therapist (it's cheaper than just finding your own therapist). Instead he sent me to a psychiatrist for my 'delusions'. The psychiatrist told me my experiences, worldview, and self-perception were unusual but not harmful - they could only help if my goal was to get rid of my schizotypal traits (traits that weren't even significant enough to warrant a diagnosis). If all I wanted was to learn how to conquer my fears and express my true self, they couldn't help. It took months of visits to get the diagnosis: Traumatized by peer abuse, too poor to afford my own therapy, and too anxious and ADHD to even find a therapist in the first place.

I can't even say I was left at square one. I had started out hopeful. Nearing the end of 2023, I just felt helpless.

At the same time, my studies were drawing to a close. I completed my bachelor's degree in animal science and all it took was a diagnosis of ADHD so I could legally buy amphetamines, a compound-diagnosis of autism so I wouldn't get kicked out when I inevitably misunderstood exam questions and failed final after final, and 5½ years - almost twice the expected time for a bachelor's degree in my country.

It should've been freeing but instead it left me directionless. Helpless and directionless - that's how I entered 2024!

In the past, in the strictly structured day-to-day of school, my kintypes have been a source of comfort. Especially my Ben fictotype, which probably fell into the category of coping mechanism. I awakened in a time of intense stress and retreated to that world whenever my present life got too much. When crowds got me overstimulated or I missed an important deadline or fought with my neighbors or drifted apart from old friends, I thought about all the times Ben!me had gone through similar or worse. I cut off a friend in my present life after finding out he'd abused his ex - but in my other life I'd cut off a friend who tried to murder me, and things still turned out fine. I lived through it. I could live through it again. Every situation had a parallel in my other life.

I still don't know why that method failed me, but eventually it did. It's not that it didn't work, it was more that I suddenly had to put an effort into making it work. As if I'd always been able to enter Narnia and now suddenly I had to personally petition Aslan to let me back in. It started in the fall of 2023 but it wasn't until spring 2024 that I fully realized. Coping had never been an effort before, and the worst part is, I don't even know why it suddenly was.

My fictotype was drifting away, even when it still served me! This wasn't supposed to happen! Had I been lied to?!

I think our community has a lot of survivorship bias. Whichever mailing lists and newsgroups get archived, and whatever snailmail gets published, that's what our history is based on. The people who made archivable geocities sites get to write our story - not the people on closed forums or in private chat groups. People who leave the community don't tend to leave behind pristine essays on their fully archived websites explaining why they left. It does happen, don't get me wrong, but it's rare. And when they do leave behind messages, it's usually some variant of "I still love the community that fostered my awakening, I'm just an adult with responsibilities now and I don't have time for this."

But what about the people who don't love the community? Who 'unawakened'? Who aren't passionate enough to leave behind a final message? Do we ever hear from the otherkind who 'fizzled out' and became human - or at least lost a kintype?

You can understand my panic, right? I considered turning my fictotype into a copinglink, but my ADHD is so debilitating I barely remember to brush my teeth - no way I was gonna remember to do daily reinforcement exercises. Especially frazzled 2024 me (still frazzled as of June but I'm hanging in there!).

I was forced to accept whatever my come.

I'm still Ben, on some level, but I won't say "I'm thankfully still Ben," 'cause is it really that bad to not be Ben? Even if that facet had served me well and could still serve me? $1,000,000 could serve me well, but uselessly pining after it doesn't serve me.

I didn't prepare myself for loss because I really wasn't sure I was gonna lose a part of me - and, in any case, grieving preemptively is a waste of energy if you ask me. Instead a turned to the Bison - not my own bison theriotype, but the archetype of the Bison. When one woowoo solution fails, why not try another?

The Bison has always been a good teacher to me - better than any self-help seminar or psychiatrist. The Bison takes everything in stride. The Bison survives until it can thrive. The Bison ruminates on the present, it doesn't ponder the future. The Bison doesn't grieve or fret unnecessarily. It exists in the now. I exist in the now.

Of course, the chance that anyone reading this works with the Bison spirit is slim, but I think its teachings can help everyone - regardless of spirituality.

When turning to other worlds doesn't aid you, accept it, and turn to the present world. Let your worries pass through you, you can't see clearly when you're pent up with worry. You can't prevent the seasons from turning, all you can do is turn with them. Accept your lack of control, instead of trying to grasp at the uncontrollable. Sometimes change is unexpected, and you may not like it, and it might not even open up new doors for you. Not all change is good. But you cannot prevent every unwanted change, and you have to keep living regardless.

My fictionkinity doesn't have the intensity of my first few years post-awakening, but it also doesn't have the casual reassuredness of decade-old kintypes. It comes and goes, and when it comes it's like a whisper. And one day it might become too quiet for me to notice. One day it might not return.

But I think I can live with that.

[most-datable-datable-bracket]

ROUND 3 MATCH 32

Mammon propaganda:

“He was done dirty in the first round, I hope he wins this time because he deserves it 

First of all, he hates you at the start but then he starts to like you but he exclaimed his hate too much at the start so he can't admit it 

Everyone knows that he likes MC, even his little D (who are demons familiars) thinks that they should date 

He is a classic tsundere but doesn't actually hurt you like other tsunderes but he is so bad at hiding his feelings that everyone is just ignores it 

He is the avatar of greed, meaning he is clingy which may be a turn away for some people but he cares for you so so much 

He has never turned into his demon form to hurt you (Asmo hasn't but he has tried to seduce you with his power)

Don't get me started on his story cards, he literally is so cute

He wants to be a mentor to Luke, like Lucifer was to him, he is only mean to Luke because he wants Luke to learn about how life isn't all sunshine and rainbows

He is also so hot, he is a bisexual panic 

He is bullied by his brothers but he cares for them so so much despite their bullying

I am so in love with him and have written so many fics about him 

Anyway, I'm going to stop here because otherwise I'll be here all day”

“First friend, first pact, practically the MC's first everything, he is a major Tsundere, he holds my heart hostage, I just want to smooch him, he and MC share a room, he is such a cute little bab, he does bully Luke (a child) but it's revealed that he just wants to show Luke that the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows and want help him figure things out

He is the cutest little guy, he cares for his brother 

His sin is greed so he does steal things from people but since lesson 1 he hasn't stolen anything from MC 

He wrote a song to propose 

Sure he is clingy but in a good way

He is so cute 

He adopted a child, which he had to leave in the care of witches and willingly let's the witches extort him 

There is so much that I can say about him but 1. Spoilers and 2. I don't think you want to read that much”

“OKAY SO. OH MY GOD. 

First person we're able to properly romance in game. AND FOR GOOD REASON. He's had MCs back from the beginning, hes the one real one in the game. He's always trying to protect us and its so nice. Puppy boy. He's so me as well??? Like he's such a doting boyfriend it's literally so cute. When MC had to go back up to Earth, he kept breaking the rotating schedule in order to call us more. He always gets MC gifts (avatar of greed love language being gift giving im gonna collapse) and he just drops the most romantic lines out of nowhere??? Like sir are you trying to give me a heart attack. He's the secretly traumatized comic relief. He has ADHD. He's canonically queer (MC doesnt have a set gender). He even likes Head pats. Vote Mammon.”

“HE'S SO PATHETIC AND CRINGEFAIL. I LOVE HIM”

Jaehee propaganda:

“only female love interest in MM, not included in the first round for SOME REASON, you literally go off and live your coffee shop au with her at the end of her route.”

“My lesbian wife. Open a bakery with her after convincing her that she doesn't have to give up her happiness to make money. She can pursue her passions. Also her backstory is so sad and I just wanna hug and kiss her and throw hands at her "family" for making her feel like she does. Also the Valentine's dlc, you get locked in the back of the bakery with her and... Yeah that's my wife. I love her dearly. Also can we just acknowledge that she's like the only path that involves almost none of the dramatic death defying nonsense. You're just gay and in love and it's beautiful”

[copperbadge]

Every so often I get an Anon ask where I'm not entirely comfortable responding in public with no cut or warnings ahead of the text -- it's not that anything inappropriate is being said, it's just sometimes the subject matter's a little rough. This is one of those, so I decided to copy and paste it and put it behind a cut; warnings for discussion of abuse and fraught familial situations.

You've spoken about having ADHD before, and i was wondering if you have any links to websites with resources for adults with ADHD that are more than the very generic "stay organised!", "eat healthily!", "avoid distractions!" things? like, something that explains ADHD and WHY getting organised is good, maybe? or how ADHD may intersect with anxiety? my mother finally went to a doctor and got (as i expected) an ADHD diagnosis, but the doctor told her medication wouldn't give her much at this point, which is fine, but she's just kept going as usual for her, which is not.

she has ignored everything i've told her before (like, to think ahead and prioritise, to make plans, to make lists, that she has to be systematic about it, to stay calm because if she has a plan everything should be done on time) but she ignores me. she just starts doing whatever, whenever, and then getting annoyed/anxious that "nothing" is done, and then she starts yelling at me.

i just want her to realise she MUST at least attempt to be organised, and that it's not just for work stuff, it's for everything, including every day stuff like chores. (also, i'd like to stop being yelled at. like, some of my first memories are of getting yelled at. it's been years and years of regular bouts of screaming. now i know it's her and not me, and i'd. like it to stop)

i apologize for the huge ask/rant, but yeah, do you know of any resources that explain the importance of being organised? i think if i show her something 'official' maybe she'll start doing it. or do you have any personal tips for talking to her about it? or a book about someone's experience with ADHD? anything. anything at all.

So there is...much to unpack here, as the kids say, both in terms of what you are asking directly and what you are not asking but what I'm going to address anyway. I don't have any great resources for what you're looking for, because neurodiversity comes in a lot of shapes and sizes even within a single diagnosis, and as you likely know I'm a big proponent of doing-what-works, and that's something a person has to figure out for themselves. A lot of people seem to find ADDitude very relatable and they are informative, but that's probably the best general resource out there to go deeper than surface, and a good place for her to start reading if she wants to.

But the real problem, Anon, is that she's never going to listen to you.

That seems like a real bold statement, but it is also extremely likely to be true. Most people who get a diagnosis start to work on themselves and learn more about their unique neurology; it's clear she's not going to do that, and you can't make her. I'm sure some of it is that she's been told her entire life, by people with much more power over her than you, to do those things: be organized, make lists, have a plan. They are the hardest things for people with ADHD to do, and she can't simply whip herself through them, and so she learned long ago to ignore anyone saying anything about it. Medication could help with that a lot, actually, so your mother's doctor really fucked you both by telling her it wouldn't do anything for her; whether she's taken that as permission to ignore the problem or whether she just believed him, he did a really shitty thing in doing that.

Your mother is neurologically incapable of forcing herself to do many things that neurotypical people find easy. There are workarounds, yes; some of us do extremely well if we decide that EVERYTHING has to be planned, and behave accordingly. Some of us find stopgaps. But that has to be a decision she makes, to find workarounds for herself. It's not something you can offer her with helpful websites or books, because she is also likely very deep in shame about it, to judge from her other behaviors. That's not your fault, which means it's also not your job to fix it.

And here's the other problem: you are in an abusive home situation where your mother is taking out her frustration with her mental illness by hurting you.

And that really really sucks and I'm really, really sorry. But the screaming-at-you, which absolutely should not be happening, is a result of decades of frustration at the world that won't accommodate her, combined with an inability to regulate her emotions. Unless she is medicated or learns better regulation or at least picks a different target, it's not going to stop. That's not your fault either. Some of it isn't even her fault. (Some of it is; mental illness is not our choice but it is our responsibility, and she is not behaving as either an adult or a parent should in abusing you because she can't find somewhere else to put all her emotions.)

Presumably you are either too young to leave or can't afford to, but the best possible thing you can do for yourself is get out as soon as you can, sever yourself from her financially, and then decide what level of interaction you want with her going forward. Honestly, may be the best thing for her as well, to realize that if she doesn't make a change, she will lose access to her child.

I realize that is almost certainly not immediately possible, however. Do not leave if you are going to a less safe situation, either. Be smart and strategic -- make your plans and prepare as much as possible ahead of time.

"So in the meantime, Sam, what the fuck am I supposed to do?"

Bearing in mind that we are going to assume you cannot help your mother, as she either doesn't want help or is in denial or both, the best thing you can do if you can't get out is to shore yourself up: remind yourself as regularly as possible that none of this is your fault, and do your best to protect yourself both emotionally and physically. IE, if she's not organized enough to buy groceries or cook, do what you can to make sure you are regularly fed -- do not concern yourself with whether she eats. That's her responsibility, she's a grownup. If you are likely to be yelled at for this -- well, she was always going to yell at you about something; it might as well be as a result of you caring for yourself first. As much as you can, spend time away from her if possible.

Given her past behavior, especially if you are an only child or oldest sibling, you may already be de-facto head of household; this may be simply a process of assuming actively that she can't fulfill that role, and doing what you can to care for yourself and any siblings. If you have other family who understand the situation, I strongly suggest tapping them for help. As much as you can, reach out to adults in your life you trust, and get their help in caring for yourself and your family without needing to depend on her for support.

I don't wish to stigmatize mental illness or addiction but living with someone in denial about the impact of their mental health on those around them is exactly like living with an addict: the best strategy is to expect nothing from them, remind yourself often that you are not to blame for this situation, look out for yourself first and foremost, and get out once you can. I'm really sorry it has to be that way, because it shouldn't be. But I'm concerned with you, not with her, and if you want to build a better life for yourself, it's going to have to be one that doesn't depend on you being able to change someone else.

I'm afraid I don't have a lot of books for you about that, either. I wish you all the luck -- you shouldn't need it, but unfortunately sometimes we still do.

[scientia-rex]

Do you have thoughts about dealing with your ADHD without medication? I'm in Europe where the laws are different and its haaaaard to access meds. (Immigration is very bad for consistent health care)

Yeah, I mean, caffeine. Caffeine in the mornings and propranolol if I overdo it or have too much caffeine after 1pm. Caffeine has a variable half-life depending on your genetics, so for some people they can have caffeine within about 4-5 hours of trying to sleep and for me if I have it within 9 hours of when I want to sleep I'm a little fucked. (5-9 hours is a relatively typical range for half-life.) Caffeine has active metabolites, which means that as your body processes it to break it down it creates different molecules which are still stimulants, so it's not as simple as "caffeine in, break it down, inert molecule out." You also need to be aware that your brain WILL develop tolerance, so taking drug holidays where you have a chaotic, disorganized day will help when you go back to work.

Another alternative is Strattera, generic name atomoxetine, which gets marketed as a "non-stimulant" ADHD medication. In my opinion it does still have stimulant qualities and the classification has more to do with legal status than medical reality. However, it does have a tendency to cause nausea, so I usually start people low (10mg) and ramp up to 80-100mg, which is target range for efficacy for most people. It doesn't seem as effective as the stimulants but it also doesn't have the legal implications of the stimulants.

Wellbutrin, generic name bupropion, is an antidepressant, but it's not the same as SSRIs or SNRIs--it has its own combination of effects on neurotransmitters that makes it a cousin rather than a sibling drug. It can be used (off-label) for ADHD.

In terms of other things I do to help myself cope, setting and maintaining a sleep schedule is critical. I definitely always feel like I'm being asked to wake up at the equivalent of 3am for other people. This means I need to make sure I go to bed and get up at consistent times, including days off. Bed needs to be for sleeping and intimacy and not for being activated--not for reading, not for hanging out. "Sleep hygiene" is about training your brain that when you go to bed, you go to sleep. The bedroom needs to be quiet, cool, and dark. You can Google sleep hygiene for more information on that.

Learning how to learn was critical for surviving med school. I didn't struggle that much with the material even in grad school, though I was more miserable overall in grad school. The sheer volume meant I couldn't just read everything once and figure enough would stick; I had to read, listen, watch, and eventually I figured out that I really needed to draw pictures and make myself flash cards if I wanted to actually force my brain to retain anything. Making sure I was physically comfortable, including that I was fed, hydrated, and didn't have to pee, was also part of the process. Getting there involved lots of tears and failing multiple tests.

Cleaning can't be an all or nothing proposition or nothing ever gets cleaned. When I start cleaning, I just grab whatever I'm walking by that catches my attention. Fuck doing whole tasks at a time consistently. Move those three bowls to the sink, in the kitchen realize I need to take out the recycling, take out the recycling and realize on the way back in that I have a load of laundry to start, start the laundry and realize I need to pee, while I'm in the bathroom realize I need to clean the counter, clean the counter and realize I need to take out the bathroom trash, take out the bathroom trash and realize I still didn't pee, continue until I'm too tired and then sit down and have a snack and a nap. My house is still a black hole but it's infinitely better than my apartments when I was younger.

Accepting that you can't do things the neurotypical way is a big part of it. Giving up on how things "should" be and recognizing what you can do and how you can do it is critical. I will never stop crashing into things so I've bought rounded furniture that hurts less when I crash into it. I'm slowly designing a life and a home where I'm playing to my strengths, and although it's a work in process, I'm slowly becoming happier.

[mediumgayitalian]

I'm curious as to your thoughts on how Nico and Will manage chores?? you've mentioned that you hc Will as OCD, but I'm interested in how you think that would combine with the different aspects of adhd. plus, I can't imagine Nico had much experience with chores having been rly young in Italy, plus living at the lotus casino, plus being on the run for so long

YES okay so i answered a similar ask here but i'm going to reiterate it and also explain a little bit of my ocd headcanon.

when they move in together, how do you think they will split the chores?

they do not.

they are in an interesting situation: nico has never had to do chores in his life. as a kid, he was the son of Literal Hades and an aristocrat, he for sure had people doing that shit for him. in the lotus, they presumably had room service. he may have had to do a few chores at the military school, but a) they weren't there for long and b) as an older sister with a younger brother, bianca was doing that shit for him. she ordered him to make his bed, he did a horrible job, she huffed and did it herself because it's more of a pain in the ass to make your brother do it again than it is to do it yourself. bianca i get you. after that he was homeless, so there was obviously no cleaning there, and then he lived in his father's palace. he has never so much as done a load of laundry except maybe hastily with a public washroom sink and a bar of soap. he barely knows what a mop is.

will, on the other hand, has been in charge of both a cabin and a literal infirmary since he was 13 years old. on top of that, if i am not mistaken (i'm so sorry i still havent read toa and tsats im getting there i swear), he grew up on a farm. his ass knows how chores work, in fact i would bet money that he gets a little obsessive when it comes to cleaning. he is acutely aware of how many germs are on every single surface ever. he cleans and he does it a lot.

this could go really badly, because habit would indicate that will would be doing all of the housework and nico none, which is Bad For Relationships.

however:

nico really likes will.

will is a massive hypocrite who overworks himself. he also is a bit of a control freak.

nico is also very, very observant.

i think, in the beginning of their friendship, even, nico noticed that will, like bianca, would let the onus of cleaning and tidying fall to him because 'no one else does it right', and also, maybe, it's just easier not to fight people about it. i think this would bother him. i think he would, in his inability to, like, be normal, impulsively challenge will to a cleaning contest.

and. like. will is a competitive person, okay. maybe not about things he knows he can't win, but when he knows he's good at something? he is not letting that shit slide. look at how fast he was to dunk on octavian, how prickly he got when nico doubted his ability to outrun the romans. if nico, who will knows damn well has done like four chores in his life, tries to challenge will, mr. antiseptic is my closest friend solace, to a cleaning contest?

he is going to sweep the floor with him.

pun absolutely intended.

from there things kind of spiral. at first it's a dorky ass learning curve, because nico loses every cleaning competition so so badly and quit fucking laughing, solace, you dickead, the windows are not that streaked and also watch me spray you in the goddamn eyes, huh, how do you like that and it's just kind of...fun. for the first time in a long time cleaning up doesn't make will quietly bitter.

plus, as an added bonus, nico helping will clean up makes it less invisible when he does it. now people are starting to notice that, no, the infirmary does not magically clean and organise itself, someone does that. and maybe a few more people pitch in to help. and maybe will realises, and maybe he smiles gratefully at nico when, for the first time in years, he has two entire days off, back to back, in the summer, for the first time in years. and maybe nico thinks he is going to collapse into dust because gods will has a nice smile. not that he cares or notices or anything.

do they need to keep having competitive chores forever?

no.

but does it make both of them kind of shyly pleased and happy to remember how they started? to remember how much their friendship means to them, first and foremost, and not just their relationship?

yes.

(also, by the gods, nico is going to beat will at laundry one day. he is. as soon as he learns to fold without creasing the whole stupid shirt it's over.)

on ocd:

so i've technically been diagnosed with ocd. i'm not sure how much i believe it, because i have severe anxiety and in 2020 when i was 17 i had anxiety about being ocd so i called my psychiatrist and went 'hey i think i have ocd' and she said 'yah you do', which, well. i've read some testimony and biography of people with ocd and there's a lot of stuff i don't relate to. so i'm not rly comfortable calling myself ocd, but i do have a lot of obsessive behaviours that i am aware extend past generalised anxiety disorder.

but on the stuff i do relate to:

mostly i am Fine. but i am also Aware of the Germs Around Us. at all times. taking a safe food handling course was a Mistake.

however i am also aware that these germs are Unavoidable. and i work with children. i get covered in fluids a Lot. (have you ever held a tissue to a young child's nose and told them to blow, feeling the hot gush of mucus, because they are too young to blow their noses themself? i have. it is revolting. more revolting than being thrown up or shit on, frankly, although those are also Not Great.)

for the most point i employ the Very Clever strategy called: Just Don't Think About It.

i don't think about it.

don't think about the germs on your laptop. don't think about the germs on the seat you're sitting on. don't think about how many germs are built up on your hands and transferring onto your laptop from all the dirty doorhandles you touched to get into the building. don't think about all the airborne germs that you are breathing right now. don't think of how easily staph virus travels. don't think about the germs built up on your phone, dear god. don't think about the germs on your bracelets.

Germs Die. Hands Wash. Germs Die. Hands Wash. Germs Die. Hands Wash.

this is a regular thing i chant to myself.

i have to.

so i don't go Insane.

there are some things i won't do, though, regardless of whether or not germs die and hands wash. i won't wear outside clothes to bed or let them touch my bed. i won't touch door handles with my bare hands if i can avoid it. i won't fill up the gas in my car if i don't have hand sanitizer or lysol wipes handy (gas pumps are DISGUSTING). i won't eat without washing my hands before and after. won't use the bathroom without washing my hands before (we should all do that?? frankly?? why do we allow germs near a place that gets infected real fuckin easy??????). i won't put my toothbrush on the side of the sink (INSIDE A DRAWER WHERE IT'S SEALED OFF). i won't flush the toilet with the lid up (DO YOU WANT THOSE PARTICLES IN THE AIR MORE THAN THEY ARE). i won't use hand dryers in public bathrooms.

lots of stuff i will do too. i will turn the water off and SCRUB my hands for thirty seconds (MISSISSIPPI) before rinsing the soap off. i will wash my hands every couple hours at least but regularly if they feel dirty. i keep a mental note of what is Contaminated and what i have to wash after i touch. i keep a mental record of what i'm touching. i look into ways bacteria and germs spread so i can learn how to keep myself protected. i keep hand sanitizer on my at all times, as well as extra in my car.

etc etc.

i don't always have all this in the forefront of my mind at all times. in fact most of this is habit.

i do spiral though.

sometimes i become Hyperaware of what i'm touching and i feel rly rly unclean. the germs and grime build and build and i get nauseous. usually, this only happens when i think 'i need to wash my hands' and i Cant. i can handle it because i have been handling it my whole life but it makes me really irritable really quickly, and then panicky if it goes on too long.

other times i get really obsessed with preparation. i'll try really hard to Avoid germs, which is impossible, and when i can't i get panicky too.

it is also Really Embarrassing. i get screechy when i'm not expecting to be germy (like at work i'm fine, i know i'm gonna get gross at work, so it's Fine to get gross at work; but if my sister wipes something gross on my shirt to get a reaction out of me she is Going To Get A Reaction Out Of Me, and it is going to be me shrieking at the top of my lungs). so that's fun.

on will:

i do think will would be kinda similar to my experience?? so ocd-adjacent.

he is Hyper aware of germs for one. i imagine he struggles to turn it off. he knows how disgusting something is at any given time because it is really important for him to know if something is sterile.

as he gets older and is abilities get more defined, i think he has a period where he spirals a Lot.

in the infirmary, he knows where the germs are. they are his job to treat or add as necessary. it's no big deal if he has to deal with catheters or sweat or vomit or snot or whatever. that's part of the job.

but Outside of the infirmary???

what really peaked my interest was, amusingly, the shaking hands line: that whole birth thing Bothered him. it was outside the norm, outside of something he could prepare for, and sure, it's just regular horrifying but i feel like it might be Germ horrifying as well.

does he panic about accidentally infecting people?? i think that might make him spiral. he has to do surgery and shit -- if he's hyperaware of what is and isn't sterile, i imagine the situations under which he has to apply medical care would send him spiraling after they're over.

i think he has a lot of anxiety Build Up. i think he shoves it back to Do His Job and then he's supposed to have free time, supposed to chill, and he's rushing away every forty minutes to scrub his hands.

[yandere-kokeshi]

Yandere Ghost, König, and Soap with a gn darling who has Autism

Warnings: yandere behavior and a bit ooc character; I'm a believer for König having ADHD.

A/N: this was a request but someone deactivated which deleted their ask. Happy Autism awareness month! I'm all extremely proud of you <3

I did my research on Autism but I'm not fully aware of the diagnosis(?). If I offended anyone, that's not what I meant, and please send an ask if I did anything incorrectly.

Simon “Ghost” Riley:

It’s likely that he already knew or saw the signs and decided to research it; which, led him to read a fair amount about autism to connect with you.

However, he’s not a physiatrist and he’s not dumb enough to assume, which leads him to keep it private or not bring it up before you do. Mental and physical health is personal. He won’t dig into your diagnosis unless he views it as harmful. However, once you do feel ready to tell him, he will be incredibly supportive and try his best to learn about your triggers.

When it comes to things that overwhelm you, he’s pretty good at tracking those things. Certain textures and noises are written down and taken very seriously by him.

Don’t like the feeling of jeans? He will make sure not to wear them around you or buy you some.

Hate the sound of cardboard or styrofoam? Simon makes sure not to unbox packages near you or let you be in sight of it.

Protective over a certain object? He will make sure to never use it, and if he does need to, he will ask and won’t get upset if you say no. Consent is taken seriously with this man.

Speaking of consent, He’s pretty clear with it — he won’t touch you. He’s pretty adamant about making sure you don’t feel like a nuisance or try to ‘force’ you to do things with him, including touching. It’s your body, it has rules and he’s gonna respect those. Boundaries are there for a reason.

After a while with you, he’s learned your body language and a few things to communicate with you without spoken words. The two of you have secret signals, certain pulled-up fingers or touches mean certain words; do you need company or alone time? Want to have space or be cuddled with him? Is the room too bright or too loud? Whatever you need, he’ll help out as much as he can.

A plus side with Simon is that he speaks pretty clearly; no unnecessary, soft metaphors with him. He means whatever he says, you don’t have to worry about missing something as he speaks directly with anyone, including you. If he does make a mistake or offend you, he’s more willing to acknowledge his mistake and learn from it. Don’t be afraid to approach him, he can handle it.

If you enjoy parallel play, Simon is someone who enjoys it just as much. He doesn’t mind sitting in the same room with you, just enjoying each other’s presence without talking or engaging with each other and doing your own thing. He feels comfort by being in the same room, simply reading a book, watching TV, or doing work as you do the same. You don’t always need conversation to be comfortable. He respects that of you.

Having little to no eye contact, being blunt/or forward, and getting burnt out in public places easily don’t bother him either. Simon understands that eye contact doesn’t equal attention. He’s also a fan of not big places, he’s a homebody and prefers to be in his safe area with you.

Simon is one of those people who prefers when people speak their minds, and say what they mean. Just get straight to the point, don’t hint at things other than expect others to know the meaning. It’s boring — plus, he gets to understand things easier.

While Simon is incredibly good at being supportive and respecting your boundaries, he sometimes doesn’t understand/or grasp the concept of emotional dysregulation or hyper-empathy.

He doesn’t know what to do if you get upset over something ‘small’. But, with learning like a good husband, he will ask you questions based on what will help you: do you need comfort? If so, how would you like it? Words or physical touch? Or just being in the same room so you can feel at least his presence?

He actually enjoys having certain patterns with you. He likes order and sticking to it, so whenever the two of you go grocery shopping or out in public, he will follow right behind you like a guard dog as he shuffles around people in the aisles; making sure nobody touches you or gets in your way; he will help guide you, a hand on your hip as he follows you around.

Gives you his full attention whenever you’re talking about something you are very passionate about — whatever it’s about, he hums along and asks questions to know more. He likes learning new things from you and may share some things of his own! He enjoys seeing you happy about the hobbies you are joyful about.

When the world becomes too loud for you and a bunch is going around you, Simon will pull you somewhere quieter, allowing you to have a moment by yourself to recollect; helping you with breathing patterns, or asking you questions to help you in some way.

Ghost is deadly serious about protecting you. If anyone gives you weird looks or dares to say anything, he will look at them until they get scared and walk away — he’s not afraid to throw fists if they dare approach you.

Stimming? Simon is happy that you’re expressing yourself, as long as you’re not physically hurting yourself, he won’t mind you doing your own thing. He enjoys it rather.

He doesn't mind if you are fiddling with his fingers, repeatedly pulling at your clothing, or tapping your fingers at the dinner table as the two of you eat; rarely do these habits annoy him. He actually encourages these stims.

König:

Extremely supportive and understanding. He will make sure to learn about it, as well as ask you frequent questions on what things can/will trigger you. You’re his spouse, a person he’s admired and loved, he’s willing to do anything to help you, including with your troubles.

König can relate to some of your daily struggles. While he knows that he’s not autistic, he does have ADHD and anxiety which causes some things to clash with yours: hyperfixations, certain textures that make your skin crawl, stimming, and fidgeting, or rejection sensitivity. There’s a whole lot more to go on with, but to an extent, König can understand you while he’s prone to help you.

If you ever feel overwhelmed, even in the place of a restaurant or going shopping, and need to leave, he will utmost support you and never let you apologize.

Shopping can happen another day, he can go down there and finish it later; you are always his top priority. Eating at a restaurant is for fun, and you are not ruining it. Today wasn’t your day, tomorrow is another day that we can try.

Is super respectful, even with touching you and approaching your space. He’s always been a gentle giant, no matter how many years the two of you have been together since kidnapping.

If you don’t want to be touched, he won’t be affected by it and will respect you. Boundaries are always heard, loud and clear with this man.

With König, he’s shy — sometimes his body language can be too stiff and he can’t say the right words without stuttering or making a mess of himself. However, he will try to learn to be more straightforward with you, especially with being needy or wanting kisses.

Stimming around him is completely normal, as he does it. He’s fine with you swinging his arms around when holding hands, singing along to a song that he hasn’t heard before, or continuously pacing in the house. Whatever you feel comfortable doing, please do it; much like Ghost, he encourages your stimming.

They’re simply a part of you, which he adores like the others. As long as you’re not physically hurting yourself, he won’t engage and leave you alone with your own thing.

If you’re hyper-fixated with certain things, whether that’s about the 18th century, bugs and reptiles, or rocks/minerals, König will go out of his way to surprise you with things you enjoy.

He enjoys it whenever you decide to tell him random hobbies or facts throughout the day. He actually looks forward to knowing things because of you! Especially if it’s about animals or different countries, he gets infested and may ask more about it, which leads to date nights on researching different topics with each other!

Patterns and cleanliness can be incredibly important for some people. While König will try his best to be as clean as he can, sometimes he forgets. He’s not the messiest giant. But he’s also not the cleanest perfectionist.

With that being said, König will do specific types of jobs in the home to help you: going as far as folding clothes, vacuuming, cleaning and disinfecting the bathroom, or doing the dishes. Whatever you feel uncomfortable doing, leave it up to him!

However, if the two of you are outside, König is more than protective of you. As much as he can understand you can handle yourself, he will not stand people making fun of you or simply staring at you. König will, and can approach people with a look of pure evil; he’s not gonna stand around and make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable without doing something about it.

König, like any husband, will be incredibly patient with you. If you are shopping, he never hurries you whenever you are looking at the shelves of candles, even if you choose the same one every time.

Johnny “Soap” MacTavish:

He’s pretty nonchalant about the whole thing; he doesn’t really mind. Not to say that he will ignore your needs and issues, but he sees you as you. Your autism doesn’t make him think differently of you, you are still his spouse; he loves you regardless.

With the help of the internet, asking your family/or friends, and yourself, he will learn ways to comfort you and engage things with you without offending or triggering you. Whatever you need, he will get you in a few minutes: fizzy drinks, water, your comfort blanket and plushie, or comfort food.

Any activity you engage in, Soap tries to be with you as you are interested in it. Do you like reading books? He will collect as much as he can and take some time off to enjoy quiet time with you.

Love collecting miniature accessories to decorate your office? Soap will find some rare pieces and give you some.

Love popping bubble wrap? He will collect it as he gets packages in the mail, going as far as to buy you some online. At best, you'll have a few months worth.

Soap is big on encouraging your stimming in front of him and not masking. While he does understand that neurodivergent people mask to fit in society, he wants you to be you. He doesn’t want you to hide away, even if you think it’s ‘dumb’ or ‘bizarre’.

He hates how society has shaped people who are autistic as ‘insufferable’ or ‘emotionless’ because they are not. You are you. You just have extra steps that need to be seen and heard.

While Soap is incredibly flirty and loves joking around, he will try his best to be more straightforward and ask things directly rather than hint at things — he may make some mistakes but he will learn from them, trying his best to tell you things instead of whispering things into your ear.

Communication and body language can be hard. With Soap, he will try to find ways to communicate with you without his body language and sometimes not using his direct words.

With a certain time, he will learn when you’re stressed and immediately help you through anxiety/or a panic attack, sometimes distracting you with random questions and conversations, asking about your hobbies and the reason you like them.

Like the others, he doesn’t mind the stimming but rather enjoys seeing you get all happy and giddy about certain topics. As long as you’re not hurting yourself in any way, he won’t stop you.

Wherever you feel comfortable doing, whether that’s playing with fidget toys, humming, or tracing the lines on the palm of his hands, it won’t bother him at all.

Certain things can be triggering, which Soap will try his best to comfort.

That certain light that’s on? He’ll give you some headphones and his jacket, rubbing your back to help you calm down.

Don’t like sitting down? He’ll try to find you some space so you can stand by yourself, or get you a fidget cube to play with.

People staring at you? Soap will throw them a glare. If that doesn’t work, he may approach them ‘nicely’ about it.

Speaking of glaring, if anyone looks at you for too long, he’s not gonna be nice about it; throwing a bunch of glares before getting up from his seat, and asking the person what their deal is. This goes along the lines if someone approaches you, yet again, won’t go the nice line. He will get in their face and tell them to fuck off before something worse happens.

Being oversensitive isn’t a bad thing, nor is being under-responsiveness. It’s just the way your brain is hooked up and there’s nothing wrong with being you.

Sometimes crying over a movie character that died is a good thing — expressing your guilty pleasure over them, even if they were the villain.

Or maybe not noticing someone is being rude until you have a conversation with Johnny later that day, in which, he talks it out with you; asking if you want suggestions or need support.

Nevertheless, at the end of the day, Johnny is here to support you, even if you snap at him or decide to get so overwhelmed that you need a power nap together.

—

Masterlist || Please reblog or comment instead of liking, it helps a bunch!

© yandere-kokeshi 2023 — Do not copy, modify, edit, repost, or use my works for ASMR readings, tiktoks, or other content.

[sevdrag]

hello sev i am sorry to bother you but. if you have the time. could you PLEASE elaborate on how you thought elon musk was a tumblr meme i have not been able to stop thinking about it

So. The first thing you need to know about me is that I haven't been able to follow the news for the last, like, well. About 10 years. First I was in a black-hole-of-employment, and then once 2016 hit, reading the news just made me unhealthy levels of furious. So I stopped doing it for my own sanity. This, more than anything, allowed me to live a blissful life where Actual Husband could update me every weekend on anything important, while I had a drink in my hand. I ignored as much news as I could during those years, cause it turned me into something horrible. So! That's the foundation of this story.

I also don't pay attention to, like, famous people and stuff. At all. I thought the band was called One Directional, okay? I am happy in my little corner.

The second thing to note is that while I'm quite intelligent, I also am incredibly scatter-brained. It's the ADHD.

The third is to note that I'm a heavy Tumblr user. I've curated my dash here to show me, mostly, things I like to see. It's relaxing.

So I saw all the memes about Glup Shitto and Blorbo and a million other made-up Tumblr names (whatever they were back in like 2015-ish) during my daily lunchtime scroll, right? SO when I see a post about a guy named Elon Musk, paired with something absolutely fucking ridiculous, my brain just goes: Oh. Tumblr made up another meme guy. This one's rich. That's funny.

I don't remember, but I'm possibly even reblogging stuff about Elon Musk during this time, still thinking it's a meme name. I mean, look at it. Elon Musk. Sorry, dudebro, but your name be dumb.

Elon Musk wants to build his own spaceship. Okay, Tumblr. Sure. It's like a Tony Stark that's just buttfuckingly stupid. I get the meme. Cause, like, he does crazy fucking stuff, right? Crazy stupid stuff. Gotta be a meme. Tumblr's really going for it, I think. Alright.

Anyway, Elon Musk comes up in a Discord GC one day, and my friends are talking about him like he's a real person, and I just said:

Hold on. I thought he was a meme.

Chat, of course, is silent for a drastically embarrassing amount of time, and then explodes.

And that's how I learned, in front of a bunch of friends, that Elon Musk was NOT a tumblr meme character, but a real-life idiot doing real-life crazy ass shit. It took me a humiliatingly-ass time to realize it, and I DO still get Sevdragged about it to this very day.

tl;dr due to my head-in-the-sand tendencies and my love of Tumblr, unlike the rest of you, I had a blissful period in my life where Elon Musk was completely made-up.

I wish that were still true.

[the-words-we-sung]

Thoughts and pictures - S3E4

I've never been that slow with a Young Royals rewatch >< It's hard for me to get through this season (especially now that I'm in the last 3 episodes...)

And here we go, starting directly with a very sad Simon 😞 Omar plays a crying Simon way too well, it breaks my heart every damn time...

I like hearing Wilhelm call Simon his boyfriend 🥰 Also is it me, or do we have a lot more close up shots in season 3? (No clue if that's what it's called, I mean shots that are very zoomed in on their faces like this one.)

Vincent drawing a dick on the ground, of course... And I don't get his explanation: "why even try if there's no reward for the effort?". It means if the school closes, they all won't graduate and have to do their grade all over again? Surely if they're taking tests and all, it counts for something? Why fail an important test and take the risk to fail your year? 🤔 (Not gonna lie, most of Vincent's reactions to what's happening to the school this season left me quite perplexed ^^') And if it's just the graduation ceremony that is cancelled, it still doesn't mean they're not graduating, does it? 🤔

But can you really Simon?

And Wilhelm repeating his mother's words "it's a privilege, not a punishment" breaks my heart >< (Also I'm gonna be a little shit about it but even the Royals have a choice in the end about accepting or not their role and job: after all, Wille is gonna renounce it in 2 episodes :p)

I do like what he said about the role of the royal family in Sweden! We have very little information on that in the show so I appreciate it here. And he looks so pretty in this light!

Wilhelm sounded so surprised that Farima said yes immediately when he told her they needed to help Simon. He was expecting to have to fight them on that.

Why did he have to delete his whole account? Why not just put it on private? (I know I've read in several fanfics the idea that searching and deleting through all the new people who followed him before going on private would be too much of a hassle but I feel like it's a stretch, and an acceptable price to pay to keep his account?)

Their conversation about Wilhelm's choice of foundation makes me so so sad! I had hoped that he would see Simon's point of view on how he can use his role as Crown Prince to try and make things better! I was actually pretty surprised that he was 100% not interested. It's a new facet of Wilhelm's personality that we hadn't really seen before I guess? And it feels like it creates a serious gap between them, it shows that they're not on the same page at all about a pretty serious subject (which is not good for the future of their relationship...)

This shot of these 3 made me laugh :p

This one hurts... Another crack in their relationship 😩 Simon is realizing how different they are. He knew they were but this season is showing us a side of Wilhelm that just seems incompatible with Simon :/ It's not just differences in tastes or personality, now it's differences in their core values also. And that is a huge problem.

So we learn that Simon mostly avoided Micke for Sara's sake. Or maybe he's exaggerating that fact because he's really angry at her.

The sit-in scene is very funny, they're all so dramatic, thinking they might starve to death xD I didn't think that August's eating disorder would be confirmed this way! Also I guess Vincent does have ADHD then? It was not just an excuse to get pills.

"Because we are different?" Yeah... that's what this episode is really about, how different you both are. Which wouldn't be an issue for me if it was less about such important matters :/ I wish we had seen them learn more from each other this season, instead of being in conflict to much.

I agree with Felice that it's getting out of hand! (I still enjoy the whole thing though 😁). I don't dislike Stella as much as a lot of people seem to, but I don't like her in this scene and how she talks to Felice!

Cutest scene of the episode.

I adore this scene. It makes me want to cry. I love them both and I'm so happy that they're slowly finding their way back to each other <3

"Erik was there." This sceeeeene!! Such a punch in the face, so fucking terrible >< (So well acted also!!)

Another trauma for my poor boy...

So lots of mixed feelings with this episode! I'm very frustrated with Wilhelm and his reactions, but I love the Sara arc. I really like the end of the episode, with some very good scenes. But now I really don't wanna go watch the next one ><

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

So I decided back in September that it is Time. The time has come. I am going to try and get a formal diagnosis for my blatant and provable ADHD, because I am very interested in Doing Laundry

And in my defence it has only taken until this week (late January) to kick things off, which I am very aware should probably be part of the diagnostic criteria

Anyway

I have a plan! For the best chance of being taken seriously. If the university can do their in-house screening of me, I can go to my GP and make the following two points:

I am here because my boss felt I said "But everyone does that" one too many times while discussing the ND students, and she wants me to chase this in case it means she can support me better (I of course am charmingly bemused about it because I personally would never try and get diagnosed, no no, only those attention-seeking fakers do that)

An official educational institution i.e. my employer has in fact initially assessed me and deemed me Medically Distractible. I even have an ALN plan, look. So uhhhhh, maybe my boss is right? (I of course remain charmingly bemused about it because I obviously don't really believe it, no no, I could never be the expert on my own experience, but a Third Party is invested, so...)

Anyway yesterday the uni got in touch, and had me do the initial screening.

Now, they're doing it as part of a wider screening process of learning needs, so they also check you for dyslexia, dyscalculia, dyspraxia, and autism, as well as ADHD. Plus how good your reading/writing/maths is. Plus they make you do these really fun tests - one was like a classic American spelling bee, one was a spelling test where they read out increasingly lengthy fake words and you had to spell them (we started with "blit", and by the end she was saying things like "unintarcation" and "iffrig-oggonery" and "self-regulating free market" trololol I JEST), and the other was that she'd read out a string of numbers and I had to type them backwards to test my working memory

Good fun, actually. Anyway, my results were mostly completely fine:

Study skills are good! I mean, we're going orange at the end, look, time management is bad - but that's the ADHD, so expected.

No problems with the tests! I mean I'm slightly grumpy about the social and communication score going blue, because I'm pretty sure it's because I explained how I was bullied in school, which I feel is more about them than me. But eh.

Dyspraxia was a little less solid- that's the time blindness, I think. Also attention and concentration, that's expected. Maths, lol - that's not medical, I'm just bad at maths.

The autism testing. Again, mostly fine, but some overlap with ADHD symptoms, so blue instead of green. Makes sense.

And then

Fucking rinsed.

[sysmedsaresexist]

so this is an honest question because you seem to understand the ToSD really well, and this is something that has always confused us; is there a specific reason for the idea that identity integration can only be interupted by trauma and not a neurological or biological issue?

We ask because we have autism which has affected almost everything about our existence and functioning from how we process information and sensory input, to how we learn, and even how we experience emotions and more complex things like our self perception and gender.

It is confusing to us that all these other things, including identity and perception, can be changed by something biological/neurological, and thats generally accepted to be true but the idea that and extremely long and complex process that also depends on feedback from other people can't be?

We get specific trauma responses and symptoms but the whole "the only way for states not to integrate/integrate fully is trauma in one specific window" seems to make integration one of if not the only processes in the brain that can't be disrupted by neurology and that is confusing to us

This is a good and valid question.

And here's the truth.

We don't know that it's the only way.

However, that conversation is 100% completely separate from structural dissociation.

It's so important to remember that structural dissociation is specifically and solely focused on dissociation in response to trauma.

Nothing else. It can't be compared to anything else.

I'm genuinely not sure how to structure this post, so I'm going to talk about a couple different theories/ideas, in no particular order. Give it a chance and read to the end, where we talk about the flip side.

I think we need to first talk about trauma in relation to developmental and neurological disorders.

As a reminder, trauma is not an event, but a reaction to things around you.

For children with things like autism, ADHD, anxiety, OCD, they're not only at a higher risk of being abused and traumatized, but they're more easily traumatized by a wider range of things. They're the populations most prone to pathological dissociation.

Did you daydream a lot as a kid? Does MaDD kind of hit hard? Did teachers and parents get really mad at you for your dissociation?

I hate to tell you this, but there's a high chance you're traumatized.

And the thing with CPTSD, what is essentially a precursor to DID and (largely considered) to be a dissociative disorder, is that it can be so hard to pinpoint where and how it started. It's a lifetime of papercuts vs a car accident. Do you remember every little cut? The cause can seem invisible.

The leading cause of CPTSD is emotional neglect, something even the most well-intentioned parents can do without ever meaning to. It's called the invisible abuse for a reason.

And emotional neglect happens so much easier when your child has additional needs that are commonly missed and not diagnosed until adulthood, long after the crucial period where they needed the most help.

All that said, we need to talk again about how many of those disorders include dissociation already.

Not only is dissociation common, but things like autism are highly recognized to affect a person's sense of self, specifically in childhood, but now you're getting into "chicken and egg" conversations.

In my own opinion, I would think that if autism alone could result in dissociated identities, we would know that by now. I mean, look at BPD, we know what happens with trauma in childhood that doesn't result in DID. There's an incredible amount of discussion about whether certain cases of BPD are actually sister-versions of OSDD (think OSDD-1c, the less defined alters seen in 1a, plus the lack of amnesia seen in 1b).

All THAT said, we're talking about dissociation and trauma.

This doesn't touch on the way people define and interpret their personal experiences. It seems completely plausible that people could simply just be more in tune with aspects of themselves, and view life through a comfortable, happy lens of multiplicity.

The multiple self theory has been around as long as the ToSD.

And that discussion doesn't necessarily need to be separate from dissociation and trauma, but I think for some it just is.

In every sense of the word, it just... is.

It simply is that way for them.

I firmly believe these two concepts would be 100% separate and different (acknowledging that for some, these can and do overlap, but I'm talking about brain scan level differences)

Unfortunately, words are limited, and there's only one perfect word for both experiences.

"System".

I hope this was some food for thought. I encourage people to get involved in the conversation!

[sherlock-is-ace]

Just some thoughts about DID Holmes in Sherlock & Co.

I need to preface this by saying I don't have DID, all I know about it is from reading and hearing people who do have DID talk about their experience. I can be wrong, I don't mean any harm by it and I encourage people to correct me (just please be kind).

Ok so in the Sherlock & Co. canon, Holmes has DID, amongst a variety of other things, which is a new and interesting thing to explore with this character. I'm not sure if we'll ever see it explored in the show, or if it'll just stay a part of a long list of what makes Sherlock neurodiverse. But I've been thinking about it and I'd like to dump my thoughts here.

I think it makes absolutely perfect sense for Sherlock Holmes to have DID. Even in the ACD canon, Holmes isn't known to have had a good childhood and a good relationship with his parents. Jeremy Brett liked to think Holmes didn't see his mother until he was like eight years old. Lots of neglect, coupled with the struggles of being a "difficult child" because of his perticular cocktail of disorders (ADHD, ASD, SPD, DMDD and ODD), is just the perfect recipe for repetitive childhood trauma that could very well develop into DID. There's no question in my mind that it was a good decision (at least an interesting one) to give Sherlock DID in this adaptation. And that got me thinking about how much he probably struggled with it.

I chose to believe that Sherlock achieved final fusion years before he met John. That's what makes the most sense to me. We know he's got official diagnoses for these things, so it would make sense to me that he got professional help for his DID as well. And based on his personality, and his need to be in control and know all the information available to him, I think final fusion would be the result he would have seeked, as opposed to functional multiplicity.

Now of course one can't logic their way out of neurodiversity, and one can't just logic their way into final fusion. But what works and doesn't work has to have some connection to the way someone is, and I think Sherlock Holmes would have worked his ass out in therapy to achieve final fusion because I think it would have been a horrible time for a man like him.

I'm thinking about how he would handle the amnesia (we know his views in memory and identity), the loss of control when a different alter fronted, the confusion of "waking up" in a completely different part of town, disassociating in the middle of important (or interesting) tasks, etc. etc. I also think that perhaps, his addiction could have been a result of a persecutor alter.

As someone who struggles with communication because of his autism, I think perhaps that could also affect Holmes' communication with his alters. I genuinely don't know if that could be a thing or not, I've never met anyone who had DID and autism so I'm not sure how correct that assumption is. But if that communication was also a struggle, it would explain why functional multiplicity wouldn't work as well.

And I don't know, perhaps we'll have more glimpses into Sherlock's past in the podcast, and we'll learn more about his DID diagnosis, perhaps he hasn't achieved final fusion, perhaps he very much still struggles with switches and memory loss. We don't know, but I do hope we get to explore it more! It ads a new layer of complexity to the character that we haven't seen in other adaptations, and I really love that!

We know that Sherlock Holmes is always neurodivergent, whether that is explicitly diagnosed in canon or not. The whole point of Sherlock Holmes as a character, from ACD canon to any modern version, is that he doesn't think like everyone else. That is literally the definition of neurodiversity. To take that away from Holmes is to destroy the character. But what this adaptation did, by giving a name to each and every trait of Holmes is very interesting and I hope they can handle it well! So far I've been very pleasently surprised by the way they have handled Sherlock's autism. It is very much a part of him and it informs his actions, but it is not all that he is. And maybe it's because Joel Emery's daughter is autistic so he has more knowledge about it than the other disorders, but I still hope we get to see more of that as well, especially Sherlock's DID.

Alright that's all kdjfhg

As I said, I don't have DID so take everything I said with a grain of salt. But if anyone has thoughts they'd like to share please come talk to me! :D And if anyone has DID and wants to share their thoughts about Sherlock & Co. thought the lense of someone with the disorder please do! I'd be very happy to read about it. (Also my ask is always open if anon is more comfy)

[genericpuff]

HIHI!!! I hope you're good, Puff!!

If you're ever up for it, I'd love to hear how you work and create while dealing with ADHD. I got a confirmed diagnosis just yesterday (though I've been suspecting it for a long time) and it'd be wonderful to hear how you cope with the struggles it provides, or even discuss any benefits you've discovered.

If not, no worries!! Thank you for reading this, Puff!!

<3

oh god I feel so bad every time this question comes up because. I can't really tell you how exactly I've been able to do it LOL Congrats on getting your assessment, I actually just got paired with a new physician the other day and am now pursuing medication for my own ADHD struggles as well! I got diagnosed with 100% combined ADHD yaaaaay!

Short answer to your question: very very carefully! Because despite the work I put out, I am still VERY prone to burnout. While on the surface you all see me putting out regular updates of Rekindled, underneath that are projects that have fallen to the wayside because my brain just said "nah, I don't wanna play with you anymore" and that sucks! And I don't want Rekindled to wind up that way either!

Recognizing my limitations and making accommodations where needed has definitely helped. Changing my update schedule from once a week to once every two weeks, working with an assistant, learning which battles to fight and which ones to pass on, etc. Obviously out-of-pocket things like having an assistant aren't options for everyone, but getting to work with Banshriek has really opened my eyes to how much I was putting myself through with when I was flying solo. I have that bad habit of taking on way too much for myself, thinking that I'm capable of being everything within a project and fulfilling every role, but that's exactly how folks like us wind up getting burnt out and falling out of love with our projects. So I've definitely learned to appreciate collaboration more in that regard, both for the sake of "carrying the load" as well as giving me another voice to give input and feedback.

But when that's not an option, definitely make sure to pace yourself. There's so much misinformation about what makes a "successful" comic and normalization of extremely unhealthy working habits that it makes people think they're not allowed to make comics unless it's a 50+ panel a week ordeal. Update on a schedule that works for you, people appreciate consistency above all things, even if it's only a page a week or a few pages a month, that's more than enough.

You also absolutely need to make sure to rest. Proper rest, no thinking about the next page or the next update, just go out and exercise or hang out with friends or do something that gets you away from your usual working area and also provides you with stimulation. It's good for both your mental and physical health. I know with ADHD it can be very tempting to just pour every bit of yourself into a project right off the bat because you're so excited and full of BEANS, but that's just the dopamine demon talking! Don't let it tempt you into spending all of it in once place! If you do that, that's when you'll wind up burnt out and taking breaks that you can't recover from! It's a marathon, not a race!

When it comes to my own experiences, I really just love drawing comics. If it wasn't Rekindled, it would be anything else. That made it 'easy' to turn it into a habitual routine, but that's only because to me, drawing comics is the escape from the more boring shit I have going on in my life. This means I have to balance it carefully so that it doesn't become too much of a job or an obligation. There are definitely times when that balance tips, when the last thing I wanna look at is whatever episode I'm working on, and when I find myself crunching on pages with 2 days left on the clock before an upload.

The important thing is not to get yourself down over the failures and keep moving forward, even if it's not as fast a speed as you were hoping for. We're often really hard on ourselves to put out 150% on everything we do, but if 150% were the norm, it would just be 100%, y'know what I mean? And even still we're not designed to put 100% in every day, because some days we'll only have the capacity to offer up 30% - 30% is 100% on those days. Be kind to yourself <3