#IDK MAN i love new tales it's flawed but i love it

[citrine-elephant]

new tales spoilers, but

i wonder, if that healing ray can be used again (unsure of different endings assuming there is, haven’t played through em or watched anything), since the shards are joined now and they are very happy now.

if they can heal still and are willing to work with our heroes, can our fallen be revived? can roland come back, or is his body far beyond saving? can angel come back? is lilith dead? could they bring back dead villains? BLOODWING?? 

if the shards are happy, could immortality exist? could the rest of the raiders live forever?

[emachinescat]

A Year in (Book) Review: My 2024 Reading Journey 📚

#22 - Go the Distance by Jen Calonita

Fantasy / Twisted Tales #11 / 257 pages / published 2021 / Finished Feb. 13

One Sentence Review: A great twist on Disney's Hercules, full of adventure and deep emotion, this book draws on Greek mythology and develops Meg as a character in a realistic, satisfying way - a thoroughly enjoyable, beautiful read!

Favorite Quotes

"We imprint the lost on our hearts."

*

"Let this be a lesson, child. Don't ever let a man dim your light. In this world, you can't count on anyone except yourself."

*

"I need to see you understand love is a strength, not a weakness. That putting your trust in someone you love doesn't mean you can't stand on your own two feet. It means you know how to share responsibility and accept help when it is needed."

*

"All this feelings stuff is exhausting."

*

"But don't you see? When you find someone worthy of your love, letting them help you is also powerful."

*

"Hera, it seemed, was poised to be the mother-in-law from hell."

My rating: 4/5

A Few More Thoughts (Spoilers):

I was wary going into this one after the Frozen book by the same author, but I was pleasantly surprised. It was emotional, heartfelt, and action-packed, and it drastically changed the story while leaning into Greek mythology. I do wish the relationship between Hades and Persephone was more fleshed out.

I loved the fact that Meg's story wasn't what she thought - that her love didn't actually leave her for someone else. I found it refreshing that once she knew the truth, that she was happy - even desperate - to help Katrina, and that she was secure enough in her relationship with Hercules to be happy for her ex and his new family.

This book shows that you can be independent while still accepting help from those who love you. I really appreciated how flawed Meg was as a character, how fierce and strong and brave but also how proud and stubborn she was. It was so satisfying to watch her develop into someone who didn't have to do everything by herself.

[brw]

the last issue of the wasp solo is out as well and I really wish someone who is actually a fan of hers got to write it :/

putting my thoughts under the cut 😁

i do think this issue was the best of the lot and was a marked improvement but.... yeah :/ like I know I keep comparing it to Ant-Man, but you know, fuck you, they're both anniversary's comics written by the same guy in the same format, so I'm going to. Ant-Man was so high concept and was incredibly ambitious, bringing different decades of history to create an anniversary comic. It felt loving, considered, and well researched, like we know exactly what each issue is doing and why and how. It takes place across different times, different settings, different environments where each Ant-Man came from and where they thrived. There was a lot of love in that comic, and it was well executed.

Wasp's comic takes place in a random warehouse in the middle of nowhere, and partially in an alternate universe where she's not actually the Wasp because I guess nothing says anniversary like "Janet arguably would have been better off and would be more respected as a team member if she hadn't become the Wasp". Which is weird because in the actual story of the comic Janet wasn't that important; Nadia did almost all of the heavy lifting in figuring out how to destory the Kosmos creature, in fighting off Fantasma. Janet impacts shockingly little of the narrative in this anniversary issue, beyond the AU stuff.

It's also weird because the actual plot of this story is extremely similar to the Ant-Man/Giant-Man Double Feature comic, where the Kosmos aliens make a return and Hank has to beat them along with the Kree and some giant insects. It doesn't even feel like an original story, but a reimagination of a different comic that did a lot more to add to Janet's life despite her not being the main character. We got to see her in therapy, see her growth from when she first joined the team without rolling over her flaws, see her inner life with being a socialite and a fashion designer in a very simple but effective way while making it relevant. And yet a lot of that doesn't feel present here, for some reason.

Idk, I feel like I'm being extremely critical and I might do a reread to see if I pick up on more things but I guess for a Wasp anniversary comic it really didn't feel like it had a lot to do with Janet. I didn't feel like I had learned anything new about Janet, about her legacy, about her character, other than that in a reality where she never became the Wasp, she's arguably in a better place with not constantly being part of the Ant-Man and the Wasp duo and being the driving force of the Avengers. Which again, isn't really the feeling I want to have in my Wasp anniversary comic.

Anyway Avengers Beyond #2, while having the cardinal sin of Greg Land art, did a lot more in terms of being a tribute to Janet. I don't even think that comic was particularly astounding, but having Janet be away from Nadia and deal with a problem in her own way and not with science (which is not her strength and never has been and that's okay) and deal with a childhood friend who loves her but is sometimes annoyed with her does so much more to make a statement on who Janet is.

I don't think Wasp should have followed in the exact lines of Ant-Man but I really think this series could have done a lot more for Janet, without rehashing better comics from the 90s and without making Janet essentially inconsequential without Nadia's presence. Like idk, you could do a smaller scale version of Age of Ultron where Janet was removed from the timeline and a few different Janet's and maybe Rita DeMara and Tom Foster along with Nadia have to restore her because reality is ruined without her. Or incorporate the stories she used to tell in the later issues of Tales to Astonish where Janet would make up crazy stories for Hank or anyone else who was listening, have one of those become reality and have her and Nadia have to defeat what was created from her imagination. Or something, I mean hey, I don't write comics, but I just think that this could have been a better tribute to Janet than what we got. But again, maybe if I reread, I'll see it in a different light, I just find a lot of flaws that are hard to ignore :/

[hollyvorpahl]

For the WIP game 🔮🌠🗣♟️

So I'm just gonna answer for the WIPs I have the most for. The Dot Duology is a slice of life fantasy about a Halfling named Dorothy Tuttle or Dot who inherits her Great Aunt’s Manor. She turns into a tavern then expands into an Inn. A Vow from the Winter Lord is about a blacksmith's daughter who makes a deal with the Faerie Lord of Winter to reforge the Staff of Winter and bring balance to the seasons. She marries him for safety and spends the year in his Court. 

🔮 A deep theme in your WIP

I think with The Dot Duology it's about the use of compassion over violence to make change. A smaller theme is the found family trope. 

In A Vow from the Winter Lord, the theme is that goals and dreams can change based on new experiences and that's okay.

🌠 MC's biggest desire

Dot starts out her pair of books wanting to transform her Great Aunt’s Manor into a tavern then an Inn. She wants to get married, run her business and have babies. Spoilers for the end of the book and its sequel. At the end of book one, she loses The Drunken Duke to a crime boss within the city. Towards the beginning she takes in a little boy and pretty much adopts him. The boy was a pickpocket for the crime boss and has allowed his wages from doing work for Dot to be enough for his payments towards his debt to him. However, Dot raises the boys wages and he doesn't tell the crime boss. Instead he's using it to gamble at one of the crime boss's businesses. The crime boss doesn't like that this little boy lied to him and has been spending money when he still has debts to pay. He threatens the boy's life. Dot negotiates it down to losing a hand and she's still not okay with that. Her love interest, a former indentured servant (an assassin turned ranger) of the crime boss, offers to go back to work for him to pay off the boy's debt. Dot refuses that too. Instead of letting her adopted son be maimed and her lover return to the life that caused him pain, she gives over her tavern. She, the boy and her lover go back to her family home in her hometown. The problem with the crime boss is that he's got the town guard in his pocket and he's too big of an issue for the guard that's not crooked and too small of a problem for the big Hero's Guild to care. The sequel follows Dot as she gets the idea to open another, smaller, guild that's meant to tackle the issues like this. The Guild of Lesser Glories. 

At the beginning of A Vow from the Winter Lord, Marian wants to move to a bigger city and open a new forge with her father. They've been saving for a while and she wants to start a new life with her father, his fiance and an older woman that has become a sorta grandmother for her. By the end of the year that follows, Marian wants to remain in the Winter Court and stay the Lady of Winter. She's fallen in love with the Court and it's people.

🗣 MC's biggest flaw

Dot's naive and she's actually a damsel in distress. Honestly, that's on purpose. She's a civilian. Dot isn't a hero in the sense of other fantasy novels. She doesn't have magic or combat skills. I wanted to write a protagonist in a fantasy novel that's a normal young woman. There are other ways that a female protagonists in fantasy can be strong.

Marian can be arrogant. She actually hurts someone's feelings pretty badly with a comment she makes. Her arrogance actually results in her getting turned into a duck for a few weeks. She's also really uncomfortable with romance, she's inexperienced with it. 

♟️WIP aesthetic 

Um... idk how to answer this one actually. Idk how to make those aesthetic mood boards sooooooo...

I'd say Tales from the Drunken Duke is a warm and cheerful tavern with a stew bubbling in the kitchen, fresh baked bread, ale being served by a Half Orc barmaid, jovial music being played by bard and poorly sung by the patrons. 

A Vow from the Winter Lord would be a peaceful forest in Winter, mountains, the northern lights and little log cabins. A blue skinned Faerie man with white hair and a freckled redhead with silver eyes. Blacksmith's tools, a forge and a stone Arch in a gray hued town in bleakest winter.

[negrowhat]

My Top Boys Love Dramas of 2021

I was gonna say top 10, but it might be more or less. IDK, but let’s talk about some of the series that made me feel the feels from beginning til the end. ALEXA PLAY THE FEELS BY TWICE! LET’S GO! This will not be in any order, I promise. 

Utsukushii Kare/My Beautiful Man (Japan)

This series literally just ended like a week ago and it earned a top spot instantly. This series was equal parts frustrating and entertaining. Watching two emotionally stunted people navigate through their new feelings for each other and difficulties communicating is quite a ride.

A Tale of Thousand Stars (Thailand)

Man if I could use on word to describe ATOTS, I’d say perfect. Such an amazing series with great storytelling, an interesting otherworldly plot, loveable characters, and a beautiful blooming romance. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE SOUNDTRACK. This series made me go thru the motions. I cried, I screamed, I yelled, I whooped, and I hollered. The way I was worried this series was a gonna be “the woman trapped in a man’s body” trope and it turned out to be a man learning to love himself and fall in love in the process. Like 10/10.

We Best Love: No. 1 for You and Fighting Mr. 2nd (Taiwan)

Like I can’t talk about one without tying it into the other. S1 and S2 both hold a shared space in my heart. Shi De and Shu Yi are opposites in how they handle their emotions and it shows in how reactive Shu Yi is and how methodical Shi De is. They’re both intelligent and yet seem to be idiots at times. Shi De would do absolutely anything for Shu Yi and that was a huge flaw. I was no doubt obsessed with these 2 for the better part of this year.

Lovely Writer (Thailand)

Excuse me while I cry about how much I absolutely adored this series. I was skeptical at first because of how meta it was, but gotdamn did they turn damn near every ugly trope on it’s head. They tackled so many hot and important topics. They addressed the toxicity of BL fandoms and shipping wars. The romance between Gene and Nubsib was also quite refreshing. Gene isn’t your standard type of male lead: he’s nerdy, quiet, reserved, but he’s smart, and strong, and he stands up for himself. He held people and himself accountable for things and I loved that so much. I just loved his and Sib’s dynamic and Gene is one of my absolute favorite characters of 2021.

Light on Me (Korea)

THIS IS HOW YOU DO A LOVE TRIANGLE! The way I was rooting for both Shinwoo and Daon. I didn’t care who Taekyung chose in the end. Taekyung had a strong bond with both Daon and Shinwoo. I love that their friendships stayed in tact too. Shinwoo and Daon are friends and the way they both stepped aside to let each other have a fair shot proved that. I loved seeing Namgoong be there rooting for them both as well and protecting the whole group along the way. Also they covered topics like self love, coming out, bullying, and unrequited love. Like I just loved the series so so much and the kids in that Student Council are dear to me.

To My Star (Korea)

I don’t even know how to describe this series. Cute loner chef gets forced to be roomies with equally cute talkative actor? I was expecting the series to be lighthearted but boy did it get me misty. Seo Joon was very clearly dealing with some trauma and he seemed to sort of latch on to Ji Woo who just wanted his space respected. I loved seeing Seo Joon learn about Ji Woo and I loved seeing Ji Woo take it upon himself to protect Seo Joon. They have a very modern type of love story that feels relatable and interesting to watch. Also Seo Joon calling Ji Woo a “Boomer” always sends me.

Word of Honor (China)

Technically not a BL, but we all know it’s gay as hell. Eternal Soulmates. Deception. Romance. Found family. Hella action. Beautiful set and costume. The way this series consumed my life and I’m still talking about it today. WEN KEXING AND ZHOU ZISHU INVENTED ROMANCE AND LIVING FOR FOREVER!

Honorable Mentions to:

You Make Me Dance (Korea): we love a soft loan shark and his abandoned indebted dancer boy. Another forced roommates type thing but with a more exciting dynamic.

A First Love Story/Please Tell Me So/Hold Me (Korea): Strongberry never disappoints with their short films. 

Kieta Hatsukoi (Japan): We stan a good friendship square and 2 solid ships. 

The Tasty Florida/My Sweet Dear (Korea): I feel like only a select few actually liked these 2 chef series. They were both sweet and soft but too short for any real development.

Be Loved in House: I Do (Taiwan): Group therapy for me. I will fight for Jin Yu Zhen and Shi Lei. Name a snugglier couple.

The Untamed/Guardian (China): they were a huge part of my life this year, but neither of them came out in 2021 so that’s why they are honorable mentions.

[itssleepyrabbit]

hi! wow i super love your art and i don’t have enough dabihawks in my life 🥺 was wondering if you had any fic recs for them?? 💕💕

aah thank you so much!! 💕💕 💕💕

BOY IF I DO HAVE!! alright buckle up this might get long (most are fluff and SFW~ i’ll put a NSFW warning but be sure to look at tags in all of them!!)

Bed I made (lie in it with me) by  silverwordswrites

“Touya is in desperate need of a plus-one for his brother's wedding and Keigo is infinitely curious about the man who he was sure used to hate him in college.” 

-- the summary says everything and honestly it’s one of the most romatics dabihawks fics i’ve read.

On-going

He Doesn't Love Me by  Fatally

“Dabi doesn't love him. He's accepted that thorny truth, swallowed it down and let briars grow in his chest, drinking down his blood like water.Or: The one in which Hawks settles for pining for his entire life and doesn't realize Dabi's been staring at him the entire time, too.” 

-- I love pinning Hawks with a burning passion.

Completed

sweetheart, is that you? by  fuckendeavor666

“dabi and hawks say i love you (without actually saying i love you) in five different ways.“ 

-- This is my absolute fave dabihawks fic

Completed

Deck the Halls With Boughs of Folly by  DrAphra

“In which the League has acquired a new fancy mansion -with all the heating and food and plush beds they could possibly need - but they still prefer to spend the day out in the wilderness with just each other. Plus Hawks.“ 

-- Honestly all Aphra’s dabihawks fics are more than worth it but this one has a special place on my heart.

Completed

fuck, im so young - orphaned

“Todoroki Touya writes poems.

Words upon words of heartfelt confessions, letters of sing song fantasies, syllables of feelings he never got to say out loud.

When Todoroki Touya hits sixteen, he burns himself to death.

When Dabi hits twenty four-

He meets Hawks.” 

-- i don’t know how to explain but this fic it’s pretty

Completed

Feathers and Feelings by  Toboe1087

“Hawks keeps leaving feathers on his pillow, and Dabi's about had it.

(like hell he'd let anyone else have them, though)”

-- Dabi preening Hawks feathers is a blessing

Complete

(this is not a) swan song by  bittermoons

“"Who's your favorite, then?"

"Hawks." Touya doesn't miss a beat. "Definitely Hawks."

"What? Seriously? How come?"

"He has his flaws, but at the end of the day, he's trying to do good. It's something he always strives for. Dabi, on the other hand...if it weren't for Hawks, he wouldn't be a hero, that's for sure."

[Or: How a secret is revealed, and what comes afterwards.]”

-- Adorable no quirks AU with manga artist Touya and oblivious Keigo! Another author i adore pretty much all dabihawks works.

Completed

You can't trap the sky in a bottle by thyandra

“Letting Toga organize the accommodations for their trip might have been a mistake. This particular truth becomes obvious to Keigo as he opens the door of his hotel room for the first time. There, staring back at him mockingly, is a single, king-sized bed. It’s only by virtue of all the years spent perfecting his poker face around his adoptive parents, that he manages to keep his face straight. At his side, Touya clicks his tongue. “They must’ve given us the wrong key.””

--(no quirks AU) I really love they way Dabi and Hawks are written here i can’t express it in words and so so much pinning

Completed

A Tale as Old as Time by  EloFromMars, Gotcocomilk

“Dabi and Hawks are hit by the most improbable Quirk: both are yeeted in Fairytales land and have to rely on each other to get out of this.“

-- this was such a fun read omg

Completed

A Romance Written All Over Your Body by  minatsukinoamayo

//NSFW mind the tags!//

“Hawks is assigned to infiltrate the League of Villains in order to expose them. Hawks usually never fails a mission, but Keigo usually never falls in love, either.A story of how Hawks falls from grace to become a villain, because hero society has failed them all.

OR

5 times they're not in a relationship and 1 time they are.“

-- you know those fics you say “one more chapter” and it’s 3AM

Completed

it caught spark in your eyes by  youareoldfatherwilliam

//Mature - Implied Sexual Content//

“Keigo’s quirk is powerful, but sometimes it comes with unintended side effects.

Or: A 5 + 1 fic of five times the more…instinctively bird-like parts of Keigo’s quirk took over accidentally during his relationship with Dabi, and one time it happened entirely on purpose.“

-- I was screaming about this particular fic on twt the other day pls give it a read if you can it’s so so so good! Any fic that has Hawks with bird traits has a special place on my heart

Completed

The Others by  threesipsmore

//Mature - 2 sexual scenes, nothing too explicit but they’re there//

“"Skeptic's starting to think he’s more important than me,” Toga sneers, an acidic edge to her voice. “Making decisions on his own, sending out birdie without even talking to me first.”

She’d simply acquiesced to cooperating with Skeptic, but from day one the complaints had never stopped. In this tiny room layered with sushi and cakes, Dabi was forced to listen to her whining.”

-- You go birb, you get that man

Completed

Equivalent Exchange by  inexchangeforyoursoul

“Keigo blinks the blurry oblivion away from his eyes, although some part of it is oddly stubborn and to stay indefinitely. There's three things he's certain of: first, he’s alive. Second, just by looking at the bed and windows he can tell this is no villain hospital or torture room. Third: something feels wrong. Very wrong.

The silence… is deafening.

xxx

To obtain, something of equal value must be lost.

If so, what of a bird that has lost its wings?”

-- i had so many feelings reading i can’t physically explain them to you also PINK HAIR DABI PINK HAIR DABI

Completed

dabi's 5-step guide to being a better parent than endeavor by  twinkfrankenstein (orphan_account)

“A little voice inside his head whispered spitefully about how this was no place for a child, and how he was making a mistake and would only traumatize the kid, yada yada. He responded with an equally spiteful-

“Fuck off, its not like I planned to do arson today.”

(or: how Dabi becomes a good dad just to spite his own, realizes he kinda sorta maybe likes Hawks for realsies, begrudgingly admits the League cares and finally comes to terms with his protective side. Not in that order.)“

-- this legit made me laught out loud idk what else tell you

Completed

The Todoroki In-Laws by  aphrodaisyacs

“Over 10 years after the fight against the Paranormal Liberation Front, Rumi, aka the part-time hero Miruko and the proud wife of one Todoroki Fuyumi, decides it would be an awesome idea to create a groupchat with the significant others of the other Todoroki siblings.

Maybe things would be easier if its members weren’t two Pro Heroes, a former one and a rehabilitated villain, but…Honestly, where’s the fun in that?”

-- this is not dabihawks focused but it’s so funny pls

Completed

With Being Petty Comes Consequences by  CursedUndead

“"When we were saying fuck pro heroes, I didn't think you literally meant FUCK them," Tomura grumbles, kicking over an empty beer can.

"Pretty judgmental for someone fucking a pro twice their age," Touya says.

Tomura squints, and says, "Ten years is not twice my age."

Or, after spending Enji's money, Touya is forced to babysit for the number 2 hero to pay him back. Touya makes it his life's mission to fuck his new boss.”

-- this only has 4 chapters but i know it’s going to be one of my faves

On-going

The Truth series by  AmethystUnarmed

-- Hawks gets hit with a truth quirk and starts to be actually free by the power of love, friendship and a bit of crime <3

The last entry is on-going

and if we sit and count it up it's really not a lot by  sincerelysamedt

“Hawks finds a bento box in his messenger bag and almost cries.

"Is that a loving wife bento?"“

-- please PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD READ THIS ONE /sobbing noises/

Completed

steal your heart by  darlingest

//Mature//

“When infamous thief Hawks announces that he is going to steal the heart of Endeavor's son, everyone expects him to prey on Shoto Todoroki - nobody suspects Touya to be the actual target.“

-- Villain Hawks and civilian Dabi are my guilty pleasure and this one it’s so soft too i’m- djsahfdjkfhadf

Completed

darling, thank god it’s this universe we’re in (and you can annoy me as much as you please) by  juurensha

“ Todoroki Rei divorces Endeavor and moves all four of her children into a small apartment next to a boy with wings as red as the hair of her eldest son. “

-- This was one of the first dabihawks fics i ever read and, to this day, i come back to it when i feel i need the extra burst in happy feelings and check their other works too! Honestly all are such a good fucking read

Completed

[omegalomania]

I think tumblr ate my ask or it just didn't sent but what are your favorite Bastille songs / what are some songs you recommend?

i did NOT get this ask im very sorry anon.

it's genuinely hard for me to narrow down cause bastille is pretty up there in terms of favorite artists. i love all their shit, but a special mention goes out to their second studio album wild world since it's the one that made me a Fan

uh so here's a primer i guess i spent too much time on this lmao.

if you wanna listen to their big hits:

flaws - their first single in the uk. if you ever listened to ship playlists on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 then you've probably heard this song or a variant on it at some point.

pompeii - this is the song that really put them on the map and you definitely know it. it dominated the charts all over the place.

happier - the marshmello song that you've definitely heard before too. i think bastille wrote this for justin bieber or some shit but then decided they liked it too much to give it to him? lmao. anyway if you're not digging the version you hear on the radio all the time i recommend trying the stripped down version

good grief - their big hit off their second album. big in the uk, didn't really make as many waves elsewhere, but it's a really solid song anyway. one of those "upbeat tunes that's actually really fucking sad" ones

things we lost in the fire - another one off their first album. if you live in a wildfire area this might not be one to turn to. or maybe you'll find it cathartic idk i certainly do!!

quarter past midnight - a song about escapism, as was fitting when it was released in 2018 and equally fitting now. running away for a night of fucking around with friends, craving any kind of brief departure from the chaos of the modern world

skulls - this one was not a hit or a single and is technically a bonus track but i'm including it because once again if you ever clicked on a ship playlist on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 you've heard this one. and you know what that was justified this one is also good

if you wanna feel existentially depressed:

their whole discography. i mean i kid but i also don't. that's just kind of how bastille does it. BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ones that hit me in particular would beeee

two evils - kind of a grim, haunting one introspecting about morality of the self.

oblivion - musing about the afterlife, love, and how time changes all of us.

those nights - contemplating what it is we seek when we plunge into reckless escapism, and the inherent loneliness of it; how even when surrounded by people there's still the pressure of the world outside, continuously coming to pieces

the draw - this one was written about the pull of pursuing a career in music vs. staying home with family and friends. in a broader sense, it can apply to a lot of things. i always felt it resonated with feelings of paranoia and displacement

winter of our youth - discusses childhood, nostalgia, and regret. if it feels like everything's slipping away, is it easier to relive the past, especially if the past is tinted rose?

sleepsong - loneliness, desperation, and the cyclical, abyss-like nature of all it encapsulates

if you want discussion of serious topics:

final hour - a bonus track off their second album that also became a bonus track off their third album? anyway this song talks about climate change and gun control. happy stuff

doom days - this one talks about, uh, everything! doomscrolling, political divides, escalating national tensions, climate change again, etc.

the currents - a song centered on political rhetoric and the power that figureheads have over the masses, the way they can orchestrate hate. basically it's not so subtly aimed at donald trump lmao, dan's literally sung it as much in a few live settings

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? - social media addiction and the way capitalism and corporate interests have annexed our online experiences, fighting desperately for our attention as they seek to monetize every available aspect of our lives

four walls (the ballad of perry smith) - well this one is about uh. perry smith. who was charged with the death penalty for killing 4 people in the late 50's. but it's less directly about him and more a discussion of the morality of the death penalty and capital punishment

snakes - burgeoning anxieties and the impulse to turn to easy outs, like ignorance or alcoholism, to escape the world's global problems

if you want some pop culture sprinkled on top:

icarus - greek mythology. i like this one because it addresses something that i feel isn't addressed enough in discussions of this myth, which is that icarus is a very young lad. less about the pride of the fall, and more about the inherent tragedy of that.

laura palmer - the whole song is a david lynch shoutout. i've never seen twin peaks myself but the song still slaps.

daniel in the den - christian mythology. discusses the biblical tale of daniel in the lion's den and links that up to themes of betrayal and family.

poet - this one's a double feature, referencing both william shakespeare's sonnet 18 and edmund spencer's sonnet 75. also one of my favorites.

send them off! - this is another one of my favorites of theirs. it's also been described by dan as "othello meets the exorcist" and it very much delivers there

if you want something uplifting:

joy - while bastille (understandably) has a bit of reputation as a band that makes sad music about sad things, they've definitely got some happier songs in their catalogue. pun intended cha ching. this one's one of their more straightforwardly happy tunes

survivin' - this was a song they wrote while they were touring and then felt weird about releasing once the panini hit because it felt a bit on the nose. they ended up releasing it anyway and i am so glad they did cause it's a mood

act of kindness - the "happy" part here is debatable but i'm gonna include it anyway. it’s when someone does something nice for you and that impulse Changes you way down deep you know???

warmth - one of those "the world's going to shit but at least we have each other" kinds of tunes

the anchor - one of those "the world's going to shit but you're the one fucking thing that's still keeping me here" kinds of tunes

give me the future - their latest single as of this writing and one of the more optimistic tracks in their catalogue imo! it's yearning, but it's also with a genuine hope for the future.

and LASTLY. because im going to take every chance i can to plug this band. im going to throw some collabs and covers at you because there's one thing this band does SUPER well and it's collabs and covers.

of the night - this is the big one. it mashes up rhythm of the night by corona and rhythm is a dancer by SNAP! and it's so good they still do this one live and it goes off every time.

no angels - a mashup of "no scrubs" by TLC and "angels" by the xx, poured into a strangely mournful tune with clips from the hitchcock movie psycho. doesn't sound like it should work but it does. kinda really does.

torn apart - with GRADES and lizzo no less!!! it's got two parts but they're both excellent listen to them both

weapon - collab with angel haze, dan priddy, and F*U*G*Z and one of my absolute favorites

remains - remix of their song "skulls" but featuring rag'n'bone man and skunk anansie that adds an entire new dimension to the song, really fucking excellent

old town road mashup - lil nas x's old town road meets lizzo's good as hell meets radiohead's talk show host meets talking heads' road to nowhere meets the osmond's crazy horse. "what the fuck that shouldn't work" i KNOW and yet here it is!! BLATANTLY BANGING!!!

we can't stop - one of the few times dan smith subtly changes the lyrics of the song he's covering (most of the time he opts to keep the original pronouns and the like, which is very nice to see). anyway this one mixes miley cyrus's we can't stop with eminem's lose yourself and billy ray cyrus's achy breaky heart. and also the lion king's i just can't wait to be king is there. yes i know it sounds batshit especially because the whole thing is surprisingly melodic and heartfelt and you know what it works.

anyone but me x nightmares - mashing up joy crookes' anyone but me with easy life's nightmares and absolutely one of my favorites.

bad guy mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "bad" in the title? we've got bad guy (billie eilish), bad decisions (bastille), bad romance (lady gaga), and bad blood (taylor swift). bastille even has a song called bad blood and they didnt use it. they used taylor swift's version. also the distinctive guitar riff from dick dale's misirlou is there.

somebody mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "some" in the title? someone like you (adele), somebody told me (the killers), somebody to love (queen), use somebody (kings of leon), and someone you loved (lewis capaldi). seriously these guys take mashups to a new level.

final song - this is a cover of MØ's final song. it also adds in craig david's 7 days and, impossibly enough, europe's final countdown. how does it work. how.

ALL RIGHT. THATS ALL IVE GOT IN ME. HOPE THIS HELPED ANON AND IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH

[thewheezingwyvern]

For Arcane April, maybe Shinso w/let’s say number 12? I’ve really been loving any Siren!Shinso stuff I can find. Thank you for your writing! It’s a pleasure to read 💕

This took longer than I thought but then again this ended up longer than I thought. I wanted to try and take like an urban fantasy spin on this but go a bit...grittier? idk. This was just where my brain took me so I hope you like it! <3

Gossamer Web

Siren!Shinsou x Thief!Reader (a bit of sexual tension)

Warnings: Brainwashing, Dubcon (kissing) and blackmail

It was just another party, a gathering for some fundraiser or another that he honestly couldn’t even remember anymore. When you held a position like Hitoshi, seated among the rich and influential, a certain degree of public relations was necessary. And doing events for charity in the eyes of the public was just another part of maintaining his image.  While Shinsou couldn’t remember what party he was even throwing anymore, his assistant would inform him later, he did like to think he knew the face of every important figure in the city. And plenty abroad too.

So his surprise was quite palpable when he saw you.

His lifestyle constantly had him around pretty people, coiffed and waxed to perfection, top of the line brands to smooth over any flaws that could possibly be present. Pretty faces to hide pretty fangs and pretty paint to coat their pretty claws before sinking them into someone. However, yours was a very different sort of attractive. Naturally at an event like this your makeup was applied and done so artfully, but it was in such a way that it enhanced what you had rather than attempted to bury whatever perceived flaw could be seen.

Most women attended these events hoping to look like the most beautiful one in the room, while the men sought to look the most powerful. But you moved and spoke and looked with a different purpose. You were searching for something. Indigo eyes slipped down to eye the gossamer threads of your dress, a stunning thing of spun shadow that fit your body like a glove. But it was only more exquisite whenever you moved, showcasing the elaborate enchantment that was woven into the very threads. Stars would wink and burst from your body, along with tufts of purple black clouds. But strung on a simple silver chain was the bespelled glow of a crescent moon. 

HItoshi found himself breaking away from whatever boring conversation he was caught in to approach you, eyes glinting with interest. You were even more stunning up close, showing that you held a natural glow all on your own. With every step closer, the wink of starlight woven into your hair like constellations would catch his eye, beckoning him further to you. Whatever witch had magicked your clothes and hair was very talented and knew what they were doing.

“You look a bit lost.” he said to you after drawing very close to your back, close enough that it pulled a startled squeak past your lips, “Can I help you find something?”

Hitoshi deliberately laid the smooth demeanor on thick, a crooked smirk quirking on his lips. If he wasn’t so good at reading expressions, he might have missed the string of emotions that flitted across your face and in your eyes but he caught them. First surprise followed closely by recognition which melted to a look of worry or fear. And then it was gone beneath the smouldering curve of a coy smile.

“Hmmm and what if I just found it?”

A line he’d heard before but there was something lacking behind the delivery. Shinsou couldn’t quite put his finger on it but there wasn’t enough spice between the lines that gave the tell tale sign of someone looking for a quick fuck. Curious. A charming smirk wormed its way onto his lips, hiding the way his mouth had already began watering at the prospect of finding out more of what you were looking for. Anyone who came here with a purpose usually intended to use something against him. 

“Well I guess that depends,” Hitoshi purred lowly to you, “what was it you were planning to do after you found me?”

This would have been the perfect opportunity for you to make another pass at him. To hint at how you wanted to be pressed against him in the throes of passion or whatever other way that it could be worded. But you completely skipped over that chance. One of your hands drifted up to toy with the luminous crescent moon that hung around your neck, deep and thoughtful eyes assessing him carefully.

“I guess I just wanted to see the man behind the name in person.”

A predatory glint sparked in his eyes, indigos boring into you as he drew impossibly close. Even through the well made fabric of his Armani suit, Hitoshi could feel the warmth of your body. He tilted his dark lavender head, drinking in the sight of you and how you seemed to fidget with him drawing nearer. The CEO decided he was going to make use of a power that he had at his disposal that very few people knew about. 

He tipped your head up to look into his face before purring out, “Tell me your name.”

The magic woven into his very vocal cords twisted around you, bewitching you, until a glaze had fallen over your eyes, pupils swelling beneath the grip of his enthrallment. It was almost unfair how easily he could twist people to his whim with the power of his voice, have them spill their deepest secrets and desires to him. So to hear your mouth and tongue curl delightfully around your real name, it sent a surge of satisfaction.

“A beautiful name, Kitten.” a thumb traced along the curve of your jaw, “What were you really looking for tonight?”

“You keep the Wayfarer’s Orb here, third floor behind a wall of several enchantments and and a summon from the Infernal district,” you recited to him almost dreamily, “I’m going to steal it.”

Hitoshi tilted his head, dark smirk on his lips, “And what else? I know you didn’t risk pissing me off just for that.” he pressed a taunting kiss to your temple before leaning back, “Tell me the story while you walk with me, I want to hear all about it.”

He pulled your body close to his, your side pressed up against his as he led you away with an arm wrapped around your waist possessively. To anyone else, it would just appear as if he had found a new play thing that he was taking off to have some fun with. And in a way that was true. Indigo eyes swept over your delightful body and he couldn’t help but think how satisfying and how it would be to see you a broken little mess under him. A wet tongue snaked out to lick at his lips, arousal spiking in him. You’d look so pretty arching your back, column of your tender throat bared for him to bite as he speared inside of you.

“The orb was just a bonus and a way to cover my true intentions. I’ve already begun uploading valuable intel from your security databases and placed trackers so I can find more information about you and sell it.”

“What a clever little thing…” Hitoshi hummed down at you, fingertip tracing small circles on your hip, “And I’ve no shortage of enemies so you could charge whatever you wanted and they would pay it.” He led you deeper into his mansion, guiding the way up to the wing where he kept the stone you had planned to take, “You looked scared when you saw me...did you know that I’m a Siren?”

“Suspected but wasn’t sure.” 

The dry drone of your voice was so satisfying. It was a song in and of itself, tongue curling around your forced submission to him anything he wanted you to. Hitoshi only stopped guiding you when the both of you reached the room which held the Wayfarer Orb on a pedestal. It was a smooth, polished stone of milky white with flashes of crimson red flecked throughout its surface.  He had acquired it at least a year ago, an ancient stone said to help bring protection to the owner. It seemed necessary given how rapidly he had grown his empire.

“Look at me Kitten.” he yanked you to him, the sweet swell of your breasts pressed against his front, “Would you like it if I kissed you?”

He would be lying if he said that he asked this question with completely innocent intent. The thought of claiming your mouth was tempting but he wanted to know if you had at all been tempted by him in the brief time he spoke with you. Or while you did your research. Hitoshi swept a thumb along your lower lip, parting your mouth for him as you stared blankly at him.

“Yes.”

Shinsou dipped his head and brushed his mouth faintly against yours, murmuring, “When did you start feeling attracted to me?”

“We’ve met before. Enji’s holiday gala. We danced together.”

Now that was interesting. He pulled back, brows shooting up as he looked down at you. Despite how closely he studied your face, the sweep of your cheek bones, the hue of your eyes, he couldn’t remember you at all. Indigo eyes lidded lazily, a stray fingertip dragging along the arch of a brow.

“Why don’t I remember you then?”

“I spiked your drink with a memory potion.”

Shock zinged through him then. It had been proper years since the last time anyone had gotten the jump on him and yet there you were, speaking only honesty for his ears as his voice compels you. Had this encounter never happened, he never would have known. If you could pull a stunt like that then the skills you have were unspeakably valuable and he had every plan to use them. Shinsou chuckled softly before dropping the enthrallment of his voice around you. 

The world came spinning back then, awareness creeping into the edges of your thought as you tried to grasp just where you were. By the time your pupils had refocused, he was crushing his mouth down onto yours. A muffled squeal was his answer along with you pushing at his chest. But the sensuous way his mouth moved against yours had you melting in his arms, soft moans humming in your throat as he kissed you.

When he finally broke the kiss, both of you were panting while you glared daggers up at him.

“What the fuck?!” you ripped yourself free of his grasp, staggering backwards with a hand clutched to your mouth, “What’re you doing?!”

The look of frustration blended heavenly with your flustered expression. Mirth spilled over in his open mouthed smirk. Casually he slipped his hands into his coat pockets, cocking a brow and half lidding his eyes at you. Tilting his head to the side, a soft laugh rumbled in his chest, drinking in your more outraged expression.

“Nothing you don’t want me to do, Kitten.”

“And how do you work that out?”

“You told me yourself.” Hitoshi gestured out towards the vault, hand showing you the glint of the Orb you came to steal, “Along with your goals. Your suspicions proved right.”

“Shit…”

“Now here’s how things are going to go,” he slowly advanced on you, “you’re going to put those skills of yours to work for me.”

You glared at him, “And if I refuse?”

“Well, I use my abilities and have you out yourself to every powerful figure here tonight.” that smirk widened, “You’re that one thief that’s been targeting all the high rollers, aren’t you? I imagine that they would all love to meet you.”

Fear flooded your eyes then, “You...you wou-”

“Wouldn’t I? If you’ve done your homework about me then you know how much of a dangerous man I can be.”

You had done your homework and that was truer than you would like to admit. Hitoshi’s public image was great but if you dug a little deeper, strange disappearances that surrounded him. Brainwashing you and having you out your secret to some of the most influential people of the city who would love to see you punished for your work. It would be the end of you and he knew you would have no choice but to work for him. 

And that was how you, The Firefly, thief of rich assholes extraordinaire, came to work for Shinsou Hitoshi. Through blackmail and the threat of one of the most powerful men in the city ruining you.

[peachypunk22]

Harringrove Feedback Fest

not me participating in something when I haven’t been active in months 😅 

fic recs from AO3 authors that inspire me! these fics are all incredible and i’ve re-read each one listed multiple times!! 

@gothyringwald thank you for putting this together! its such a cute idea!

knit more tightly together by lymrics (E) @lymricks

part one of the blues in chicago series. i think one of the first harringrove fics I read. love the steve/billy dynamic and so emotional and high tension that im pretty sure it made me cry at some point? even though it’s not a sad fic! idk it just really pulled some emotion up. literally the fic that got me into the fandom and wanting to write for it! the whole series is amazing!

Steve takes a second to feel relieved it's not Dustin getting all sorts of arrested in places he shouldn’t be, then he goes back to staring.

It's Billy, who looks as good now as he did the last time Steve saw him: three years ago. He looks just as complicated, too. He’s got bruises on his face, a split lip.

star-crossed bullshit (black holes feast) by ?? (E)

this work got orphaned, but i’m so glad the author didn’t delete because it’s one of my all time faves! strong dom/sub undertones and messy relationship with an incredible use of the unreliable narrator! plus it has mechanic!billy 

Billy makes a mixtape for when he fucks boys, except it’s on Spotify, and he’s only fucking Steve, and all the songs are oddly, and suspiciously, romantic.

liquor (on your lips, makes you dangerous) by eternalgoldfish (E) @eternalgoldfish

i love a college!au with some gross hot Billy and this one is so good. equal parts cute, funny, and sweet with a side of kinky that I hadn’t read before

“Careful, sweetie, don’t break a nail,” Billy said, leaning over Steve’s shoulder, lazy cat’s-grin gleaming up to his eyes.

“I’m not going to break a fucking nail.” Steve hissed and elbowed him, like he hadn’t been thinking the same thing as he struggled to wedge one of his shiny red nails into his wallet’s tight leather pockets.

Or, Steve makes a bet he can't win and Billy doesn't realize his mistake.

i’m saucing on you by Boardingschooled (E)

speaking of college!au’s this one has fratboy!Billy being gross hot in all the best ways. also sweaty concert grinding, boys being absolutley smitten, and waffle house breakfast dates? it’s like college slaps you in the face and makes you listen to AMINE and it’s great

Steve wants a ticket to the biggest party on campus; Billy's got one with Steve's name on it.

Tale as Old as Time by hoppnhorn (M) @hoppnhorn

i’m an absolute sucker for beauty and the beast au’s and hoppnhorn is such a fantastic writer that i had to include this one

Prince William, imprisoned in the form of a beast, can be freed only by true love. What may be his only opportunity arrives when he meets Steven, a man who bewitches him from the very moment he steps foot in his enchanted castle.

Honeyed Wine by Antarc (T) @rascheln

am i biased because this fic has literally all of the thing i like because it was written for me? perhaps. but for real, this fic is SO sweet and well-written! it has baker!billy and a twist at the end that i did not see coming at all. every time i read it i just have a huge smile on my face

While he recovers from an injury at Robin's farm and helps run her market stall, Steve unexpectedly reunites with his old high school rival. Billy, once a tough asshole who got into weekly fights, is now a proud owner of the best bakery in town and mans the stall right next to Steve's- with the best croissants Steve has ever eaten.

samarra by gothyringwald (T) @gothyringwald

i think this was the first fic in a long time that i’ve read that took a more gen/mystery/sci-fi approach, with the romance taking a backseat for most of it, and honestly this fic made me remember how much i like reading. the story and universe building is excellent. very trippy and gives off a lot of twin peaks dream walking surrealist vibes.

When the kids bring Billy back from the dead, it doesn’t go quite as expected: he’s alive but his soul has been left behind. And Steve is the only person who can bring it back.

Salt in the Wound by SheWritesDirty (E) @shewritesdirty

if ‘fuck your enemies’ was a genre, this would be THE fic. rough, gritty, and violent. I could wax poetic about how much I love the writing style and imagery and how different it feels in comparison to other fic. steve and billy are toxic and messy and so bad that its good

The way he ate slow, like his jaw hurt. Like it was tender, like whatever had put that bruise on his face had left more of an impact than just… flesh and bone. And now that he was seeing it... Steve knew that he hadn’t done that to Billy.

That someone else had, after that night and over the weekend... someone else had gotten their hands on Billy and put karma into his skin.

And he still hadn’t looked at Steve.

Here I Go Again by HeckinaHandbasket (E) (WIP) @heck-in-a-handbasket

oh god oblivious!Steve is top tier in this A/B/O fic. combine with a lifeguard!billy that’s trying (and failing) in his rough, fumbling way to make it obvious that he’s courting him and you get this adorable mess. it’s so sweet and funny and the rest of the gang are actual little kids that run around and create havoc. i’m always excited when it updates!

Not just a new lifeguard, either. No, Billy was the lifeguard supervisor.

Because of course he was, the prick.

Swing Away by lemonlovely (E)

sports!au sports!au sports!au - specifically a baseball!au that actually serves as a really cool character exploration of billy and his dad and sports. this one is so bittersweet and i love the dynamic between steve and billy as they figure out a rocky start to a friendship and romance

Steve and Billy go to the same Hawkins Baseball Camp that Steve's been going to since he was a kid, and Billy is not particularly thrilled to be there - he fucking hates baseball, alright? And he tells Steve as much.

lamp-bright rind by nagdabbit (G) 

chef!Billy teaching his neighbor Steve how to cook au. unbelievably sweet and a writing style that is unique, expressive, and comedic. you really fall in love with the characters, as flawed as they may be, and the descriptions of food. did i mention its an almost 100k slow-burn? 

Billy spies on his cute neighbor, his cute neighbor doesn't know how to cook. Luckily, Billy can do something about that.

[quarantined-with-bucky]

American Boy

Bucky x Reader

Request: So basically buckyxreader where she is a super successful businesswomen and awfully confident but when she’s with bucky she feels insecure as many women want him and she’s insecure of nat. Based on “American Boy” by little mix where bucky is her american boy and the other girl in the song is nat. So like angst with a happy ending (maybe smut if you’re comfortable idk idk).

Words: ~ 9,700

Summary: Dating Bucky can be challenging sometimes -- all the time.

Warnings: Smut, angst

A/N: Sorry this took me so long :( I recently started work so its been hard to write -- but I’m really happy with how this one turned out!! Thank you so much for the request!

And I met him back when I was out in California He was playing in a band and she was dancing on a stage And he says that I'm the one but she's the one that got away And he never knew her real name

Nothing about tonight sounded mildly comfortable. It was going to be six hours in a too cold banquette hall, standing all night in too tall heels, a too tight dress, with your hair scraped back into a too painful bun. From the moment you stepped inside, the flesh on your arms and décolleté erupting into goosebumps – nothing a little alcohol can’t fix, you thought to yourself, snagging a glass of champagne off of the tray from the first waiter you saw.

“Y/N,” Tony called, opening his arms to greet you. His suit was perfectly pressed, a three-piece suit that cost more than twice your monthly rent. You walked up to him, giving him a side hug, checking yourself out in the reflection of his iconic red glasses. “See, I knew you’d come.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, remembering how for the past week you’d declined his numerous invitations to his party. “I hope you know that I’m charging you overtime for this.”

“I’d expect nothing less.” He ushers you away while he continues mingling with his other guests.

Never in a million years had you thought you’d be an A-list guest at one of Tony Stark’s infamous parties. But, as fate would have it, you and Tony had been working together quite a bit in the recent years. What began as a little start-up from your college dorm room, quickly grew into a multinational billion-dollar company. Stark industries contracted your company out to spearhead multiple new projects – including the development of high-tech equipment for the Avengers. You had many ventures, sectors growing from technological advancement, to biometrics, to teams specializing in law, advertising, and operations.

The past few years had been a whirlwind for you. Moving to New York, managing your ever-growing company – up until now your life had been all work and no play. Once you met Tony, you knew that your world would flip upside down. You’d been in Forbes 30-Under-30 list for three years straight. Your life had grown into nothing but interviews, business deals, and fame – and you loved it. You felt like you were on top of the world at this moment in your life; nothing was going to stop your forward momentum from climbing up the ladder.

“Hey,” a smooth voice pulled you out of your fog, a figure popping up next to you.

“Hey, Steve,” you responded, smiling up at the blond man.

“You having a good night?” You’d met Steve a handful of times before through Tony, working with him a few times in the past. You don’t know if you could outright call him your close friend, but Steve was always so kind.

You could should be using tonight as a networking opportunity, but after an extremely stressful week at work, all you wanted to do was crawl into a bubble bath and relax. You couldn’t do that, so you thought you’d at least try to let loose and take it easy tonight, hoping to catch up with friends and enjoy some time partying. “I guess,” you shrugged, taking another sip of champagne.

“That makes two of us,” he replied, taking an equally long sip of his drink. “It’s hard to lay low at Tony’s parties, y’know?”

“Its hard to lay low when you’re Captain America,” you joked, nudging his arm with your elbow. He rolled his eyes again, running a hand through his short blond hair.

Your eyes scanned over the crowd, trying to find something worthwhile to talk to Steve about: maybe about the couples dancing in the center of the room, the large crowd gathered at the bar, the performers that laced their way through the influx of people. Your gaze fell upon a smaller group of people gathered around a table, laughing, telling stories and interrupting each other with more tall tales. You only recognized a couple people in the group; Sam Wilson: tall, well-built, perhaps a little tipsy, chirping away with his witty comments; Natasha Romanoff: a goddess, quiet, watching, observing, black dress so tight on her beautiful figure it looked like it was painted on; Bucky Barnes: the epitome of tall dark and handsome, at the forefront of the conversation, laughing and cussing telling his sensational war story, dark tendrils of hair hanging loosely in front of his face, obstructing the view of his blue eyes.

“Have you met Bucky?” Steve asked, interrupting your thoughts. You shook your head ‘no,’ unable to tear your eyes away from him. His black suit was complemented quite nicely with a fitted black shirt, the top buttons undone, his tanned muscle peaking out. He ran his metallic hand through his long hair – you finally were able to see his eyes, the only color on him, so bright compared to their dark surroundings. And they were looking at you.

Tearing your eyes away from him, you turned your head up to Steve. He was watching Bucky, watching him looking at you; Steve’s head turned between the two of you, almost unable to stop the smile from pulling at his lips. Steve pulled you into the group, making space for you to stand between him and Bucky. As introductions were passed around the group, you felt eyes on you. This time, the set of green eyes.

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed Natasha give you the up and down a few times. Your first reaction was that it wasn’t in a bad or necessarily judgmental way; she was interested in who the outsider was. She was protective, it was instinctual; she would observe said outsider, finding all of her flaws, quirks, secrets, until she was certain she wasn’t a threat. When you were introduced to her, she politely flashed you a smile with her infamous painted red lips and shook your hand.

“(Y/N), this is Bucky,” Steve finished, watching eagerly as the two of you shook hands and exchanged smiles.

“(Y/N),” Bucky whispered, your name tasting sweet on his lips; he tipped his head ever so slightly towards you in greeting.

“Nice to meet you, Bucky.”

Everybody took the hint – that hint being Steve wiggling his eyebrows at everyone – and the group dispersed. You waved goodbye to the like, politely offering goodbyes to everyone. In your peripheral vison, you watched as the red head gave you one final up-and-down, crossing her arms over her busty chest, flitting her eyes to Bucky’s before she strutted off.

…

You hit it off with Bucky instantly, spending the night discussing everything from your future prospects to your relationship status to your past (specifically, your past). He was completely enamored by you. He was obsessed with the fact that people looked up to you; you demanded respect – so much so, in fact, that your success intimidated them; you were unapproachable to those who didn’t have their shit together. After that night, he knew he had to see you again.

And you could not feel more the same way.

It started fairly privately. Despite your constant media attention – being the CEO of a Fortune 500 company had that effect – being Tony Stark’s business partner escalated that. Usually on your commute to and from work, whether that be your corporate office or the Avenger’s tower, there would be a few paparazzi and a couple reporters following you around. They wanted information on you, your ventures, but most importantly: Tony Stark. When you were contracted to work with Stark Industries, you knew this was a possibility – in fact, it was the number one con on your pros & cons list. While you did think it was a decent opportunity for exposure, it surely came back to bite you in the ass.

You didn’t anticipate meeting Bucky Barnes – you surely didn’t anticipate dating him, either. You couldn’t be happier with Bucky; you wouldn’t let the incessant paparazzi and media attention get to you. Surely, you’d figured that dating an actual Avenger would draw some attention to yourself. However, you couldn’t have predicted the magnitude it would have on your daily life. The amount cameramen and reporters that followed you on a daily basis more than doubled.

Now, you’d never considered yourself shy, especially not camera shy – hell, all you were doing was walking from your car to and from different buildings – you could surely handle getting your picture taken. You had to admit, you were put together (and damn hot). You wore tailored suits, the tall heels; your hair and makeup were done perfectly every day.          

It’s not like you hadn’t been on the cover of magazines before; but they were articles, studies, biographies. You posed for the cover of Forbes and Wall Street Journal and Harvard Business Review. Gracing the cover of tabloid magazines, however, was new territory for you. They talked about your style, your makeup, you clothes, your hair – nothing was too surface level for them to delve into. At first, that’s all it was. Noting and pricing your style, People magazine printing a “Who is She?” issue.

Then the comparisons started.

It was a side-by-side of you and Natasha – Black Widow. How could you compete with her?

You were sitting in bed one morning, up early before dawn, checking your phone before you started your morning routine. It was supposed to be like any other Thursday: work, meetings, executive board reviews: productive. But after reading that article, your heart deflated; today would only truly be over once you get to crawl back into your bed at the end of the day and sulk under the covers.

You slowly let out a long breath as you scrolled quickly through the article. “(Y/N) Becomes Black Widow’s Replacement: Is She Good Enough or Will She Get Tangled in the Web?” leave it to Daily Mail to start off with a shitty pun to ruin your mood.

The first picture was a full body shot of you laid next to a similar image of Natasha. She was shorter, sure – but curvier. She had more muscle, obviously – and those legs. Even you wanted to be strangled to death by her thighs. (And you felt like dying at that moment, that’s for sure). Maybe she just wore tighter clothes? You did, in fact, wear well-tailored clothes – you were actually very fashion forward for the business world, taking Fall 2020 by storm. She just got the chance to wear tighter clothes more often.

The second photo was an extremely flattering behind shot. The photographer might as well have taken the camera and pointed it right up your skirt. You’d heard the tabloids comparing the asses of other famous women, surely even the English Royalty had headlines circulating about it. You actually thought you had a good ass – you do – but hers was better. Black fucking Widow and you were supposed to somehow compete?

The last shot was a close up of your faces. You had to admit, they probably could’ve picked a worse picture of you. You weren’t smiling, you weren’t frowning – it was neutral. Your brows maybe slightly narrowed. Natasha, on the other hand, was glaring at the paparazzi. They gave her space, as if they took one step too close, she would murder them (and although she was actually extremely kind to you, they were probably right in that case). Her glare exuded confidence, intimidation. That was the difference between your auras: while your success may have been intimidating to others, it was her essential being that was intimidating – she could kill you just by looking at you.

While some people may not appreciate that fact, the pure daunting atmosphere that surrounded her, there was one person that did: James Buchanan Barnes.

He, himself, had the same ambiance, after all: that is being the don’t fuck with me stare.

Oh, and I don't mean to get so caught up And insecure 'bout all the things you say Oh, and I don't mean to be jealous, it's just careless me Boy, I must drive you mad

“Hey, Bucky,” you greeted, swinging open your front door, pressing a chaste kiss to the lips of the man before you.

He hummed against your lips, caught off guard as you pulled away sooner than expected. “Hey, baby,” he responded, shrugging it off stepping inside and shutting the door behind him. “It smells great,” he noted regarding the pasta sauce simmering on the stove. He dipped a metallic pinky finger in the sauce, cheekily smiling at you as he licked his makeshift tasting-spoon. “Tastes great – no surprise.”

You couldn’t help but return his smile, trying to shake off the bad day you’d had, instead turning all focus to your giggle boyfriend before you. He takes two steps forward, engulfing you in his strong arms, rubbing his flesh hand up and down your back in a soothing motion. You rested your cheek against his chest, taking a deep breath in; his earthy scent calmed you down, the heat radiating off of him offering you to a level of relaxation you didn’t know was possible. “Did you have a bad day, baby?” He cooed quietly, pressing a kiss to the shell of your ear.

“Yeah,” you breathed, nodding into his chest. “Bad. And busy. And annoying.”

“Annoying?” He repeated, testing the word on his tongue, but not questioning further. “Come on, why don’t we eat because I’m hungry – and I know you’re hungry – and get you to relax.” You smile up at him, giving him a proper kiss this time, unsure if he was just saying that to get dinner going, or if his supersoldier senses could actually tell that you were hungry (because you were).

Dinner went smoothly. It was quiet, moreso than usual. But it was nice. It was calm: a good change of pace from both of your busy schedules. It was tranquil: spending the evening exchanging loving glances and touches across the table, playing footstie under the table, Bucky quite literally licking pasta sauce off your cheek.

As he finished up his third serving (to which you just sip your wine while he gets his fill), you can’t help but break the silence and light conversation with a loaded question: “What’s with you and Natasha?”

You didn’t mean for the question to come out so abrupt or harsh, but it had been eating at your mind all day. You’d found yourself looking at that article during every five-minute break you got. Comparing hair, clothes, smiles, eyes, teeth – everything.

“What’s with us?” He repeated, eyebrows cocked in misunderstanding, palms raised in confusion. He didn’t understand the question.

You sighed heavily, dropping your eyes to the near empty wine glass before you. “I don’t know,” you grumbled, running your hands over your forehead, dropping them behind your head, pulling your hair a bit. “I’ve been seeing these articles about her – about her and me,” you clarified, trailing off, hoping he’d understand the picture. As he remained silent, you sat back against your chair, slouching. “Did you guys date or something?” You immediately bit the inside of your cheek. The question burned coming off your tongue.

His chuckle almost startled you out of your fog; your stomach dropped as you felt knots pull at all your insides. “Babe.” He reaches across the table with open palms, waiting for you to place your hands in his. You hesitated, but eventually complied, his soft smile and kind eyes giving you no other choice. “No. We never had – or did – anything. Never. I promise.”

Okay, well that made you feel better. You let out a breathy sigh (this time of relief) as you gave his hands a gentle squeeze. “Okay,” you repeated. “Okay.” It made you feel a little better, sure, but then why?

He raised his eyebrows once again. “You don’t believe me?”

“No – no, no, no – ” you replied quickly, reaching farther across the table, fingertips grazing his forearms. “I’m just confused. I keep seeing articles comparing me and her,” you stated very slowly, unsure of the right words, unsure of what his innate reaction would be.

“We have a… past,” he responded, slowly; it was calculated.

But in that moment, he knew he miscalculated. “A past?”

No, not like that, he thought. But like what, exactly? How was he supposed to explain it? God, his own life was complicated enough to explain – he hadn’t dared to divulge that deep, in fear of ruining your newly blossoming relationship. He owed you some sort of explanation, though, right? But he was at a loss for words at the worst time possible. “It just goes back to… a long time ago… with… well… ” With no words left to complete his fragment of a sentence, he raised his left hand and wiggled his metallic fingers.

Your lips formed an “oh” shape as you said the same word mentally. Oh, no shit, more like. The Russian spy and the Winter Soldier had intertwined pasts. You felt like an idiot – like the answer was laying right there before you, your eyes glazing right over it. “Bucky, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry but – ”

He cut you off immediately, taking one of your hands into both of his. He looked you straight in the eyes, his own blue irises staring deep into yours. “Don’t apologize, please.” He swallowed hard. “I don’t want that part of my life taking over my life now. You’re not prying – I need to be open with you about it.” You nodded slowly. “I want you to be apart of my life, (Y/N),” he clarified, nearly smiling at you missing the implication of his previous sentence.

You grinned, a goofy wine-infused smile. You leaned across the table, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips.

That night, he began telling you about his past; nothing he wasn’t comfortable with discussing was mentioned. You didn’t push him, didn’t ask questions, didn’t offer opinion or advice. The only thing you offered was solace, comfort, and hot tea. You held him in bed, ran your fingers through his hair, rubbed small circles on his muscled back.

He told you about how he trained her, how their connected past drew scrutiny to them in the media. How their ties to Russia, Hydra, and a few not-so politically correct incidents in the past tied them closer together both in eyes of the tabloids and, subsequently, to each other.

You had no questions, no comments. There was nothing for you to say. You weren’t questioning the validity of his past and you didn’t question the fact that he and Natasha were just friends. You were confident in Bucky, confident that he was telling the truth – confident in your relationship.

The two of you fell asleep that night wiping tears off each other’s cheeks; but neither of you had felt more safe – more in love – than at that moment in your lives.

…

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you,” he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, eyes narrowing down at you – at your figure.

You were turned away from him, trying to busy yourself, acting as though bringing it up again was casual, like it was just a normal question on par with how was your day? It, in fact, was extremely loaded; there couldn’t be more of a loaded question, in Bucky’s opinion (in your own opinion, too). But, dammit, you needed validation – wasn’t that okay?

It was okay.

It was always okay. Bucky understood that. Even he, himself, needed validation in a similar way. However, there were two distinct differences about what he needed vs. what you needed.

1. He never needed validation against someone else.

Bucky was insecure – the fact of the matter was every single person in the world had insecurities, from the brightest minds to the most beautiful models; there isn’t a single person who isn’t immune to outside pressure, societal expectations, internal comparisons. Sometimes Bucky would be insecure of his arm, oftentimes he’d be insecure about his past. He’d wonder about his hair, he’d read articles about himself, comments people posted online. Bucky had a certain confidence about himself, sure. He was intimidating (that was both a good and a bad thing).

But you. You were intimidating, too – you were, in Bucky’s eyes – the baddest bitch; you controlled the business world, dominate magazine headlines, demanded the attention of every man in the room. He loved it. He loved the fact that you were all that and more, and that he got to come home to you. He got to hold you in his arms at night. He got to make love to you.

That’s why he didn’t understand your – what he determined to be – obsession with her. All the time asking him about her. Were you as good as her? Were you better than her? He understood, at first. Natasha was very intimidating – to anyone, even her own team. He didn’t mind showing you extra attention, sprinkling you with more compliments, lovingly laying his hands on the places you didn’t like about yourself. He loved you; he loved complimenting you. Nothing he ever said was a lie, so he had no problem saying them.

But as time went on, you kept asking. About. Her.

2. He believed you when you validated him.

Not only were you asking about Natasha, constantly comparing yourself to her – your body, your brains, your face, even your hair. Again, he had no problem telling you how beautiful you were; it was a service to you that he would trade anything in the world for. He loved to say that to you; complimenting your intelligence, looks, attitude – all of it.

Maybe he wasn’t complimenting you enough anymore? Even so, you had to know the way he felt about you? He tried really hard to validate it as his own fault. Like it was something he had done to cause you to suddenly be so insecure. But all it took was one walk down the bustling street-stands on the New York City’s streets for him to realize. You, after all, had graced the cover of every magazine as of lately. You and Natasha.

He wasn’t so hard on you or himself after that little piece clicked in his head.

But at the end of the day, he couldn’t stop himself from wondering if you never believed him. Did you trust him? Did you love him? Those questions ran through his head at night – as much as he hated it, he couldn’t stop it.

“It’s not how many times, Bucky! It’s – it’s – ” You tripped over your own words.

“What is it, then, (Y/N)? Because I sure as hell can’t figure it out.” In fact, you didn’t know what it was. You couldn’t pinpoint it. You couldn’t put the words together.

You turned around, crossing your arms across your chest, mirroring him. You just stared back it him, biting your lip. There wasn’t anything you could say; just offered him a shrug.

“(Y/N), come on,” he began. “You can’t seriously believe the shit they say.” He was referring to the incessant media coverage. The eyes on you – 24/7 cameras. It eats away at you; it was all you could think about. “You’re too smart for them. What’s this all about, then?”

If there was anyone who could see right through you, it was him. But if there was one thing he needed to know about you, it was that you had too much pride to admit any sort of insecurity to anyone – even your boyfriend of now eight months.

It was in that moment that you wondered if he took a short tone with her the way he had been with you lately. Did she have to ask him such endless questions? Definitely not. She had nothing to worry about. She didn’t care.

That was the difference between the two of you.

You couldn’t do anything but care.

Singing, singing, singing Ooh la la, he breaks my heart I know he thinks about her when he plays guitar And ooh la la, my American boy

You and Bucky sat on the couch, the movie playing in front you now long forgotten. The past few weeks have been stressful for the both of you. You were both dealing with a lot at work; you with new projects and development issues, Bucky with compiling intel that seemly led nowhere. Last night, you’d attended another one of Tony’s parties with Bucky. You thought it was going to be a fun night, seeing all your old friends, catching up with everyone you hadn’t seen in so long. What was supposed to be a casual night of fun drinking and dancing, turned sour very quickly.

It was nice in the beginning, catching up with Sam and Steve; that is, until you caught a glimpse of Bucky from the corner of your eye. He was just meant to get a refill of drinks. All he had to do was weave through the crowd, make it to the bar, and return with the drinks. You felt that it shouldn’t have taken him that long. Maybe you should’ve offered to get them instead.

There he stood, leaning against the bar, a handful of cold drinks sitting in front of him on the tabletop. You watched as he ignored the cups the bartender placed down in front of him a few minutes ago; watched as a drop of precipitation slid down the side of the cold glass, pooling with all the others at the granite bar top.

Beside him, a tall blonde mimicked his movements, leaning against the counter. She spoke to him in a hushed tone, gazing up at him under her long eyelashes. Her perfectly manicured hands grazed up and down his arm, undoubtedly innocently asking about the strong metal underneath his shirt sleeve. You rolled your eyes, nearly scoffing at her fairly blatant attempt at flirting.

You wouldn’t be so pissed off, usually. She was beautiful, sure, but you were confident in your relationship with Bucky. You knew how he felt about you and he knew how strong your feelings were for him. There was no doubt on either end – so why shouldn’t he be able to have a conversation with some woman at a party? He had just grown comfortable enough to talk about his metal arm, finally accepting the gift that the great King T’Challa had gifted him.

So why did this interaction piss you off so much?

Because you knew that if a man had come up to you to chat so innocently with you, he’d be on him in less than one second. And if a man had come up to you to chat while also running his hand up your arm or down your back, Bucky would ensure that man would be leaving this party with nothing but then broken fingers.

But your pride took the best of you, as usual. You rolled your eyes to yourself, carrying on your conversation with Sam and Steve, trying your best not to look over Sam’s shoulder too much, staring past him and at Bucky. You held your empty cup in your hand, almost now more pissed that your new drink was sitting lonely at the bar, when you needed alcohol more than ever in this moment.

All you wanted was to go up there, rip her hand off your boyfriend, and get your damn drink. Instead, you held your tongue all night. When Bucky returned with your drink, you thanked him and took it, gulping it down fairly quickly. When his hand rested on your waist, you simply gave yourself a twist, shrugging his hand off of you. You felt him give you a questioning look, but you simply pretended not to notice, instead keeping your eyes locked on Sam’s as he told his story about what ever he was talking about (you weren’t really paying attention); just smiling and nodding and looking as engaged as possible.

When you and Bucky got home that night, you quickly showered and crawled into bed. Bucky had been trying to talk to you on the car ride home, all night while you got ready for bed. Finally giving you your peace to shower, he decided to try again once he slipped into bed beside him. “What’s going on, (Y/N),” he whispered, turning towards you; but he was met with the sight of your back turned to him.

“Nothing,” you replied, face smooshed int the pillow. “’M just tired.”

His hand found your side, rubbing over your hip bone slightly, as he moved closer to you in bed. His chest pressed up against your back, his breath tickling the back of your neck. “Is that all, baby?” He kept pressing. “Let me make you feel better,” he murmured, pressing his lips to your neck, burying his face in your shoulder.

“No, Buck, stop.” You shrugged him off and lifted your shoulders in protest, pushing his head away. “I’m not in the mood – I just want to go to sleep.”

“Sorry, (Y/N),” he whispered, settling back down in the bed.

You tried to fall asleep that night, you really were tired – exhausted, in fact. But you just couldn’t calm your racing mind enough to fall asleep. You knew Bucky knew it, too. You suspected that he didn’t get much sleep either.

When you finally did get a few hours of rest, you woke up to a note left by Bucky.

Went for an early workout with Steve. Feel better, I’ll call you later.

You gave yourself a whole self-care day. Bath, face mask, manicure – the whole nine yards. You willed yourself to think of anything except Bucky and that girl – Bucky and any girl.

Every girl in the world had eyes for Bucky – why wouldn’t they? He’s absolutely gorgeous: tall, handsome, he’s got the mysterious vibe going on – basically every woman’s walking wet dream. You always gave him the benefit of the doubt when it came to women flirting with him. He was from a different time; he was just being polite. That’s what you told yourself, at least. The more Steve told you stories about him being a charmer – how he always “wooed” women back in the day – the more unsettled you became. Maybe he missed being a flirt, afterall, as he recovered, he slipped back into his old ways, whether that be an old Brooklyn accent, or his charming smile.

But how many times could you just brush it off? Blatantly flirting in front of you – sure it may have been an innocent conversation or an innocent arm touch (you know that’s how he would sell it to you) but hell, he lived in a different time now. So, he just had to get used to the fact that he had to stop letting these girls flirt with him. Was it really so hard to tell them he had a girlfriend?

Unless he thought about it and didn’t want to. He was so touch starved for the past seventy-plus years that who knows? Maybe he did enjoy all the attention – especially all the female attention. Considering the fact he was such a ladies man, maybe this is exactly what he wanted to feel like himself again, winning over all the women. And, god, all the tall women with their perfect faces and gorgeous chests, showing off more skin than they covered. They had the confidence of models, the ferociousness of catwoman – not to mention Black Widow; she was her own breed of gold-like-women.

He didn’t call you until the next day.

That’s how you ended up on your sofa, innocently watching a movie, two boxes of pizza abandoned on your coffee table. Neither of you brought up the night of Tony’s party; instead, you two sought solace in each other’s arms on the plush couch between piles of pillows.

You two ended up making out, his hands wrapping around your waist and up your back, yours winding their way through locks of his long hair. He leaned over you, your back meeting the sofa top and his chest pressing to yours. His pelvis touched yours, grinding lazily against yours. A mess of legs entangled with each other at the opposite end of the couch. His hand slid down your side, squeezing between your bodies to unbutton your jeans, his fingers slipping underneath your panties.

He groaned once his finger slipped between your slit, moaning at the wetness he found there. He pulled his hands up and shimmied your pants off, his own jeans following suit. He didn’t bother even taking them off all the way, instead latching himself on you with his pants and underwear pooling at his ankles.

His hands grabbed your hips, roughly pushing into you while his lips attached themselves to your neck. You gasped, the sudden entry startling to you. Your arms encased his torso, nails digging into his back as he roughly fucked you into the mattress. You hips met his as you tried to rock against him to meet his thrusts. His hands pinned your hips down, jackhammering you into the couch.

You were panting and moaning and screaming. You couldn’t help the noises that were coming out of your mouth. You and Bucky had tried some pretty not-vanilla stuff in the past, and sure, sex was maybe one of the best ways to get your anger out. But Bucky hadn’t ever been this nonattentive to you before. Or this quiet. Usually you couldn’t get him to shut up – between the dirty talk and the praise, you could never get him to shut up; and he loved it. He knew his whispers and all his egging-you on only flustered you more. That was the sex you loved.

This was different. He didn’t say anything; he just grunting to himself as he pounded into you, hips snapping into yours. God, you were going to be bruised tomorrow just from how hard he was holding you down. He wasn’t attentive, nor perceptive to you. He didn’t kiss you, just barred his teeth through heavy breaths.

This must have been all related to the night at Tony’s party. He was probably angry with you after that night – not talking to him at all. Not to mention you didn’t say anything when he clearly knew something was up with you; you definitely owed him an explanation. You couldn’t blame him or being angry. You weren’t so sure this was his best reaction. He was so dangerously quiet.

That’s when you threw your head back against the pillows, biting your lip and squeezing your eyes shut. Was he just fucking you to fuck you? He came quickly and without warning, spilling into you with nothing but another grunt.

He dropped on top of you, pelvis to pelvis, his cock still inside your warm cunt. He dropped his head to your chest, you shirt still left on from earlier. He shut his eyes and wrapped his arms around him. Your fingers found his hair, stroking his chestnut strands as he fell asleep on top of you.

Maybe he was just tired from waking up early? He probably needed to get his aggressions from the day out – not to mention the frustration from you basically ignoring him all day and night. There was a feeling in the back of your head, though, that this sudden change of pace may have been brought on by something else. His eyes were shut the whole time – hell, maybe he was thinking about that blonde girl from the party.

You said it to yourself as a joke – it was a fleeting thought. But you couldn’t stop thinking about it after that. Was he picturing someone else? He wasn’t turned on by you – you didn’t even get a chance to do anything sexy before he was fucking you with your clothes on. He’d probably rather be sleeping with someone else. Someone who made porn star noises and pulled his hair harder and –

God, you were tired of thinking like this.

So I wanna know who's on your phone Making me paranoid, making me bad Making me sad, making me crazy Making me feel like I needed to ask I wanna know if you're at home And if you're at home, baby, are you alone? Are you alone? Answer your phone Oh, baby, no no no

Things went back to normal after that. You weren’t sure what had gotten into him – and you – that day, but it was nothing but a distant memory. You were dating for about a year and a half. From that point, you two had kept everything very lowkey. Extravagant parties were few and far between, dates became even more private – no distractions, nothing to get between the two of you.

“Baby, I’m home,” you called, throwing your purse and keys on the kitchen table. You were hit with the faint smell of dinner, but as you checked the stovetop and oven, you were met with nothing – just the leftovers already cold in the fridge. You worked late tonight – tonight and every other night for the past three weeks. It was only nine, which wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t have to wake up at five tomorrow to get into the office early. Your team was being met with a deadline soon, there were a lot of extra hours being put in to get the project done. You weren’t one to complain because you were the boss. You weren’t going at this alone, you had everyone else working with you helping out. But it was your job to make sure everything got done, and that included being the first one in and the last one out.

Bucky said it never bothered him. He’d go on missions for days – sometimes weeks – at a time. He encouraged you to work hard, he loved your drive and commitment to your company. He motivated you; he knew you had drive and could get things done. He loved being able to support you, too. When Steve first introduced the idea of dating to him, he wasn’t sure he wanted someone who was only obsessed with him: who got their own recognition just by being his girlfriend. He was lucky enough to be your boyfriend.

You took the Tupper wear from the fridge, popping it in the microwave and waiting for your food. You noticed Bucky on the sofa. Kicking your heels off you made your way to the living room, calling out to him again. He sat up, his face donning a large grin as he waved to you, quickly pointing to the cell phone propped up against his ear. You gave him a shy wave back, turning back to the microwave, soon to be beeping with your meal. You ate dinner alone at the kitchen table, nothing but the sound of Bucky’s roaring laughter bouncing off your ear. By the time you finished, you tossed the bowl into the sink, making your way up to your bedroom.

“Ok, yeah, I’ve gotta go – ” Bucky said into the phone, before interrupting himself with a chuckle, laughing at whatever the person on the other end said. “Yes, I have to go. Yeah, no, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

You shut the door before he could get off the couch and flopped straight into bed, groaning. All you wanted to do was fall right asleep, unbothered. That’s when Bucky came in and plopped himself right down on the bed next to you. “Hey, babe,” he greeted you, giving you a light pat on the ass.

“Hey, Buck,” you replied, tucking your arms up underneath your head, propping your head up on your hands. You offered him a tired smile, gazing into his adoring blue eyes. “Who was that on the phone?”

“It was nobody,” he replied, quickly changing the subject. “How was work?”

Well that was extremely unlike him. You already knew all his friends. If it was one of them, he would’ve just said so. But it clearly wasn’t, especially considering how giggly he was on the phone. You just narrowed your eyes at him, breezing right past it. “Good – tiring,” you corrected. “But this contract closes out next week, so hopefully not that many more long days after that.”

“Good to hear, I know you can get it done, baby,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose.

…

The next day, you were met with nearly the same sight. Bucky on the couch, but this time, dinner was covered on the stove. “Thanks for cooking, Buck,” you call to him, taking the lid off the pot and serving yourself a plate. He jumped from the couch and came up behind you, hugging you from behind and kissing your neck.

“Anytime, baby.” He pressed another smooch to your neck before stepping back and grabbing a bottle of wine from the counter. He poured up to glasses, situating himself at one end of the table, waiting for you to join him at the other end. Once you do, your phone rings from your purse. You drop your head back with a groan. “You should probably get that,” Bucky offered, reaching for your purse and holding it out to you.

You give him a quiet “thank you,” and answer the call. Not even before you can answer it, he’s pulling out his own phone and texting away on it. You take your call at the table, a quick last-minute question from a colleague. You tried to focus on what he was saying on the other line, but all you could do was stare at Bucky, smiling down at his phone, furiously typing away.

“No problem, Dave. Thanks for taking a look at it, we can finish up tomorrow morning,” you say into the phone, offering a quick goodbye before hanging up and digging into your food, glaring at Bucky from under your eyelashes. He still sat on his phone, laughing to himself. Once he heard your knife slide against the plate, he locked his phone, shoving it back into his pocket and looking up at you, starting another conversation about your day. You quickly changed the subject to him.

You internally rolled your eyes. All you got was talking about your day and whatever girl on the other end got giggly Bucky? Whenever work got busy, your relationship got boring. It may have been partially your fault: short tempered, tired; you put everything into your work and maybe not enough into Bucky. But your jealousy issues got the better of you. Maybe he was just talking to Sam? Or laughing at memes with Steve – they had a lot to catch up on, afterall. But if so, wouldn’t he just say that instead of saying he was talking to “nobody?”

But your paranoia was actually well placed and almost deserving. Bucky still graced the covers of magazines and newspapers. The attention people gave you quickly died down after the one-year mark on your relationship. You didn’t mind, all it was just a little more peace in your day-to-day life. That same attention never did (and never would) die down for him. He still saved the world; more importantly, he was still hot. Meaning the tabloids would continue to try to stir up trouble with him and every woman he knew. They wanted to play matchmaker, constantly shipping him with the other beautiful women he spent time with – whether that be at work or not. Thinking about all that and Bucky’s charismatic personality was almost too much for you.

…

The third night in a row where you’d come home past nine. The first night without dinner. You were met with an empty apartment, no food, no lights, not a single sign of life. You tossed your bag on the table and immediately called for takeout. As you waited for your Chinese food to arrive, you changed into your pajamas, and called Bucky.

No answer.

All you wanted was to lay on the couch and feast with him. If you were going to stuff your face, you wanted it to be with someone who really knew how to eat. After trying again with no answer, you dropped your phone on the coffee table and began flipping through the channels on TV. Not finding anything good to watch, but also deciding you didn’t have the mental capacity to watch something new, you threw on some Friends reruns. Something you could watch without having to pay attention: just what you were in the mood for.

When the doorbell rang, you jumped, almost forgetting you ordered food. You swung open the door, half expecting to find Bucky on the other side, but you were instead met with the delivery boy. You paid the guy and took the food to the living room, feasting on the couch straight from the little takeaway containers. You didn’t do this often, but damn, it was relaxing.

You picked up your phone: no notifications.

There were a few excuses you made up for him as you stuffed your face with noodles. He could be in the middle of training. You knew him and Steve too well, and knew they always had enough supersoldier energy to fit a workout in anywhere and anytime. That, or he could just be busy. Maybe a work thing came up – he does save the world for a living, afterall. He could just be at the tower. It’s not like he officially lived with you. (It was unofficial, though; he did spend nearly every other night sleeping here with you. And if he didn’t, he would at least give you a reason why he wasn’t). But you’re not his mother or his gatekeeper. There was no reason he absolutely had to tell you where he was and that he wasn’t coming over – that was crazy. But it was just…

Unlike him.

Even if he was at the tower, why wouldn’t he answer?

And as you continued onto your dumplings, you quickly began comfort eating, as your mind traveled to the worst reason you could make up.

Afterall, he never told you who he was laughing on the phone with all this time. He couldn’t even stop himself from laughing at his texts – it was blatantly obvious. There’s no way Reddit could be that funny. You scoffed. It probably was some girl – maybe that blonde from the party. You had no idea of knowing who, but you surely couldn’t stop yourself from speculating.

You called again.

Again.

Again.

You just wanted to hear his voice.

You just wanted to know he was okay.

Okay and alone.

American, my American, American boy You know it's my American boy

It wasn’t every day that you thought about Bucky in such a way. Honestly, you didn’t like to think about the other women that he might be friends (or more) with. It was just your own little fucked up indulgence.

Against your best judgement, Bucky convinced you to go to another one of Tony’s parties. “It’s Steve’s birthday party, (Y/N), you have to go!”

So, you did go. And just like the very first time you met Bucky – at one of these parties – you dragged yourself out of bed and got all dressed up to head to the event. You knew even Steve wouldn’t want such a big celebration, so you’d at least have one person to mope around with.

You held on to Bucky the whole night; your arm gripping his metal bicep as the two of you mingled. Bucky liked having you tucked into his side all night, the warmth of your body pressed up against his arm. “Hey, Stevie,” you greeted him, offering a warm hug. “Happy birthday!”

“Thanks, (Y/N),” he replied, hugging you, then Bucky. “Happy Independence Day,” he added.

Bucky’s hand immediately snaked around your waste, pulling your hip against his.

It wasn’t until he left to use the bathroom that you suddenly felt naked. You almost wanted to wrap your arms around yourself in comfort. You felt stupid – you were in a room full of friends, people you knew, that you liked. Yet, every time you were in this setting, you never felt more insecure.

And apparently it showed.

You were joined by none-other than the reason for your insecurity. “(Y/N),” she greeted you with a curt nod.

“Hey, Natasha,” you responded, taking a long sip of your drink. She watched you under lidded eyes, her red lips pursing slightly. She looked great, of course, her royal blue dress hugging her curves tightly, he heels adding extra height the both of you knew she didn’t need. “What’s up?”

She shrugged a shoulder. “Enjoying the night?”

Now it was your turn to shrug. “As much as I can, I guess. I’ve been waiting for the fireworks show. It was the best last year.”

She nodded, this time taking a swig of her own drink. “Tony sure does know how to throw a party.”

“Yeah,” you scoffed. “He’s thrown enough of them.”

The two of you stood in silence for a moment; it wasn’t super comfortable for you, but she sure didn’t seem to notice – or care. “You seem a little on edge.”

She wanted you to out yourself. Surely, she was going to pull it out of you somehow. “Not really my scene,” you noted, swirling the ice around in your glass.

“Look, (Y/N),” she began, obviously confirming your suspicion. “There’s never been anything between me and Bucky. In fact – ” she glanced around the room, eyes stopping on a particular man. “ – I’ve got a few skeletons of my own.” You tried to follow her line of sight, but the crowd was too thick in that direction. “He loves you so stop trying to find things wrong with your relationship. He may have been a charming guy back in the day, but you’ve got him wrapped around your finger.” She winked, a small smile building across her plump red lips.

You didn’t even know what to say in that moment. You gawked at her – at Black Widow hyping you up? Was that her way of doing it? Hell, she could tell you that you intimidated every single person in this room, and you’d take it as the biggest compliment ever. To hear about your power from her? Practically an honor.

“Hey,” Bucky spoke up from behind you as he returned. “What’s goin’ on over here?”

“Just girl talk,” Natasha replied before heading off.

Bucky turned to you, confused. “What’s that about?”

You stared at her as she walked away, swaying her hips and heading for the man she mentioned earlier. “I’m not too sure,” you said slowly, mesmerized by her walk.

Bucky’s hand in yours made you turn up towards him, meeting his blue eyes. “Ready to get out of here?” He whispered lowly.

You bit your lip and nodded, setting your glass down and squeezing his hand in both of yours.

Bucky carried you from the front door to the bed; he placed you down on top of the mattress like you were made of glass. He kissed your lips like he was going off to war, but he tasted like he’d just returned.

His hands ran furiously over your back, eventually resting on the zipper and tugging downwards; your hands ran all over his chest, tugging his shirt open, no regard for the buttons. He started peeling your dress off your body as you leaned back on the bed, working on taking off your bra while he discarded the dress on the floor. He followed suit, discarding his clothes before returning to the bed, covering your body with his warm one. His flesh hand cupped your jaw, the other holding his balance on the bed. Your arms wrapped around his neck one hand holding the back of his neck, pulling him closer to you, deepening the kiss, while the other ran through his tangled hair. You interlocked your legs around his waist, pulling yourself upwards to grind on his hard cock.

He moaned into your mouth, grinding back into you, reveling in just the feeling of your wetness gliding against his cock. His hand left your face to grab your ass, giving it a firm squeeze before he pinned your hips to the mattress with his own, humping against you. You whispered against him, pleading: “Bucky, please,” you whispered against his lips.

His mouth skidded down your cheek and past your jawline to suck a sloppy kiss onto your neck. As his face was buried in your shoulder, making his way down to your breast, his hand found its way between your hips, stroking your soaked lips. You hummed and gripped his hair as his finger split the difference, prodding its way into your soaked entrance. As two other fingers joined in, curling inside of your pussy, he licked your nipple, biting the pebbled nub softly. “You’re so wet, baby. Love how you’re always so wet for me.”

“Only for you, James,” you whispered, blissed out, head falling back against the mattress as his thumb found your clit, rubbing small circles under the hood. You felt a jolt up your body, your pussy instinctively clenching against his fingers.

He let out a deep breath, kissing your breast before planting a wet kiss to your lips, fingers not faltering. “I love you, (Y/N),” he murmured against your lips.

You opened your eyes, meeting his staring down at you, glazed over with lust. “I love you, baby,” you breathed, tilting your head up to kiss him again.

He pulled away from you, fingers stilling, long forgotten in the moment. “No, baby – ” he stopped, staring down at you, pleading with you, please understand. “Only you.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat. Tears burning the back of your eyes. You bit your lip, nodding, not trusting your words as a few tears fell from the sides of your eyes, rolling down your skin to the mattress. He kissed you feverishly, teeth chipping against each other’s, lips and tongues sloppily sliding over each other, sharing air.

He pulled his hand away from your thighs, not moving far to line up his dick to your now soaked and desperate pussy. Your breath hitched as he pushed the tip in; all the air Bucky held in his lungs suddenly escaped him. “Fuck, extra tight for me tonight, huh?” You moaned, trying to rock your hips against his, his bodyweight pinning you down. “Eager, baby,” he groaned from the back of his throat.

“Please, baby,” you begged, fisting the sheets, using all your energy to grind against him. “Please.”

Please.

Please.

He complied, snapping his hips down into yours, his big dick stretching your walls. You yelped out, your opening burning as it welcomed his length. His cock curved upwards, hitting deep inside you as he swiftly moved his hips back and forth, quick rhythm never erring. His hand fell to your lower stomach, as he pressed his hand firmly above your public bone. “Mmm, look, baby, I can feel my dick in you,” he whispered, reveling in the feeling as his dick bottomed out inside of you. He felt the tip through the soft flesh of your belly – boy, you felt it, too. Every time he pounded into you felt your head spin. You saw nothing but black, stars blinding your vision at every thrust.

You nearly snaked your hand down to your clit for your final release, but he pulled your hand away, pinning it to the mattress above your head. He sat up on his knees, grabbing your other hand and joining it with the other, holding them both down to the mattress under the grasp on his metal hand. As he returned to leaning over you, sliding his dick back in your pussy, his flesh hand returned to your clit, rubbing in fast circles. You screamed, thighs coming together, snapping tightly against his hips.

That wouldn’t stop him. You weren’t strong enough to hold him in place; he kept fucking you into the mattress, your body shaking wildly as your legs were tied around him. Your back arched off the bed as your pussy throbbed. “Yeah, baby, squeezing my dick with your tight little pussy, huh?” You screamed out and nodded your head wildly, clenching around his cock as the pressure on your clit built up. “Fuck, you’re so good to me – made for me.”

You pulled against his metal arm, body convulsing underneath him. He watched with anticipation, biting his own lip nearly bloody as he pushed you over the edge of your orgasm. You yelped out, gasping for air as your eyes squeezed tight. Your legs shook around him, fingers clawing at his metal plated hand. Bucky could come along just from watching you tremble mid orgasm. But, god, your tight pussy quiver around him surely helped. He fucked you harder, the last few strokes hard and fast. He came with a groan, spilling his hot seed into your soaked cunt.

He whispered curse words to himself as he fucked his dick soft, mixing your own juices together before falling on top of you, pressing his lips to your neck, littering hickeys all over.

As he felt your post orgasm breathing change, he picked his head up, kissing all the way up your neck and jaw until he could look fully down at you. “Hey, baby, no,” he cooed once he caught sight of your watery eyes. “Why are you crying?” He kissed away the tears running down your cheeks.

You smiled at him, pressing a soft, chaste kiss to his lips. “’M fine, Buck – I just,” you huffed, rolling your teary eyes at yourself, thinking it all suddenly stupid. “I’m sorry – ”

“’s nothing to be sorry for, baby,” he whispered against the shell of your ear.

Your fingers grazed through his hair again, scratching slightly at his scalp. He knew. He knew what you were talking about. He always did – he always understood everything you did or said. “I love you, James.”

“I love you, (Y/N),” he murmured with one final kiss. “Only you.”

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Her Family

Azula Week Day 7: Family

Summary: Haru introduces Azula to his family.

 Idk I’ve never worked with this pair before so I figured that I’d give it a go.

Azula wishes that she could fear something else, something like the dark or insects or tight spaces. She could live with those fears. She could handle them better. She doesn’t crave them, not like she craves love and family. She craves love and family and fears it all the same.

She can lose love so easily and in so many ways and family has never been kind to her. She can’t imagine that Haru’s family will accept her into theirs when her own couldn’t even do it, especially since his family has personal history with the Fire Nation. With everything she is.

“They’ll love you.” Haru insists. But she has her doubts, she is everything that they hate. Everything and then some.

“What if they don’t?”

“Then we’ll take a chance with your family.”

Azula shakes her head. She would rather be fully alone with him than speak with any of them. Zuko, Iroh, and mother who have nothing but resentment for her and Ozai who would scoff at her...would be disgusted with her for soiling the bloodline with Earth Kingdom dirt.

“I’d rather fight your family.” She mumbles.

“Azula…”

She shakes her head, the fear and anxiousness only intensifying with each passing moment. And this fear and anxiousness has layers. The third layer makes a reminder of itself with a good kick to her ribs.

Azula holds her hand against her belly. If she can’t manage to make a good impression then the roots of her family tree will shrivel before they can grow into anything at all. Even still, she is terrified of what will happen if she does make a good impression, if Haru’s family decides that they do like her enough to help she and their son with a baby.

She is no mother, she hadn’t even meant for this to happen. Not yet, not so soon. She isn’t ready to be a mother and she doesn’t think that Haru is prepared for fatherhood. “How can I raise a family if mine was so broken?”

“Because you’re a smart and resilient person.” Haru quirks a brow.

“That doesn’t make me a loving or nurturing person…”

Haru cups her cheek, “I can assure you that you’re a loving person.” His lips brush upon hers and his hand cup over her own. “Just take everything that you’re parents did to you and do the opposite.” He suggests.

It is a good idea in theory…

“We’ll have plenty of time to figure that out…”

She isn’t sure that she would call three months plenty of time.

“For now, let’s just focus on introducing you to my family.”

Reluctantly Azula nods. What other choice does she have? They are already standing at Haru’s family’s doorstep.

Tyro answers the door, his brows furrow. “Tell me that this isn’t the woman you’re introducing us to, Haru.”

Her stomach sinks, she hasn’t even spoken yet and things are already going poorly. Though she supposes that she has a rather loud reputation. She finds that she has nothing at all to say now.

“This is her, dad.”

“She’s a Fire National.” He looks her up and down. “A royal. Haru, what were you thinking?”

.oOo.

He had been thinking a lot of things. That she has a lovely face and a quick mind. That she is a bizarre woman, bold and with strange mannerisms. But before that he had been thinking of making her pay for what her family and people have done to his.

Before that he was going to take advantage of her weakness, of her broken mind. He was going to face her and end her, do the universe a favor in taking her out of it. He is glad that he had let her speak. Glad that her bravado shattered. Glad that she had cried.

He isn’t a killer. He isn’t so full of hate.

He had let her cry to him about her punishment--her banishment. Let her cry about her loneliness, failures, an flaws. Let her cry until she asked him to follow through with what he was about to do.

He is glad that he didn’t oblige. Glad that he got to know and understand her…

He takes her hand and gives it a squeeze. “She’s a lot different than you’d expect. She’s actually a pretty quiet person. I think that mom would like her.” He thinks of the last girls he’d brought home. Most of them were routy and wild with a knack for destruction and accidentally knocking over furniture--vases in particular.

Tyro wordlessly gestures them into the kitchen where dinner has already been prepared. “We have pau buns and ginger-infused pea tendril and hibiscus-root salad.”

Azula nods. “I haven’t tried either.”

“You’ll love it.” Haru assures her.

Tyro rolls his eyes, “firebenders don’t like anything that doesn’t sear the tastebuds off.”

“Actually she’s been having trouble with spicy foods lately.” He pats her tummy, “we don’t think that the baby likes spice.”

“It’s an earthbender.” She declares. “It has to be.”

“How do you know.”

She gestures to his father, “firebenders don’t like anything that doesn’t sear the taste buds off.”

“I thought that, that was a stereotype.” Haru quirks a brow.

She shakes her head, “not if it’s true, it isn’t.”

Tyro chuckles and for the first time that evening, Azula seems to relax a little. Conversation still isn’t easy for her, mostly she takes bites from her salad just to have an excuse not to speak. Haru doesn’t think that she particularly likes the salad either. He lets her lean back into him as Tyro shares another war story. Azula listens very readily. He knows very well that she is fond of history and war tales. To hear them from the other side must be a fascination for her. And it is reassuring to see that she is rather itching for the new perspective.

.oOo.

Azula swaps stories with Haru’s father until her throat grows sore and then some, until the man gestures for her to pause to take some tea. “I think that, that’s enough discussion for tonight.” He says when she finishes. “My throat is also getting sore, don’t you pretend like yours isn’t.”

“Haru and your wife can still share stories.” She replies.

This time Haru chuckles. He has the same laugh as his father. “That’s dad’s polite way of telling you that he wants to get some sleep.”

Azula flushes, “oh.”

“You can come by tomorrow.” He offers. “Or you can spend the night, but I feel like you’d be more comfortable in a bed.”

Azula holds her hand to her bump, indeed her back  would suffer much less if she returned to the little home that she and Haru have bought. “Alright, we will come back tomorrow. Next time I would like fried noodles for dinner…”

“Azula!” Haru nudges her. He rubs the back of his head, cheeks decently red. “Sorry, dad, sometimes she forgets that she’s not at the palace with her servants.”

“I did not forget.” She speaks for herself. “I am fairly certain that Earth Kingdom pea--commoners still have edible food.”

“She’s trying, I promise.” His face only grows redder. She isn’t entirely certain of why; it is only a simple statement of the truth. At any rate, the dinner had been quite a success if she had to say. “She still isn’t used to talking to non-nobles.”

“I can tell.” His dad quirks a brow.

“We can make fried noodles for you, Azula.” His mother says.

Her face lights up, “delightful, I look forward to it.”

Haru sighs and pulls the door closed behind him. “And here I thought that we’d make it through the whole dinner without any secondhand embarrassment.”

She furrows her brows, “you didn’t embarrass me, Haru.”

He bursts out laughing, “you’re something else, princess.” He wipes a tear from his eye and reaches for her hand.

“Do you think that your family likes me?” She asks.

“I think that you can consider yourself a part of it now.” He replies. And maybe one day she, Haru, and their baby will be welcomed back into her family.

[adalics]

hi ! i’m laney ! ada’s background got a little long winded ( sorry not sorry ) but the tldr; sad girl turned sweet party girl turned sad girl again . if you like this post i’ll come plot with you ! i can be reached on disc @ 𝖍𝖊𝖝 𝖌𝖎𝖗𝖑𝖘 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖓 𝖆𝖈𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙#5769 . it’s easier for me to keep up with but if you prefer tumblr , that’s cool too . 

(    scarlett    leithold     &     elizabeth    lail      )    bopping     along     to   teenage    dream     by   katy    perry   is     adalia         haas        -        foster   ,     the     twenty    one   year     old     cisfemale     thrown     back     to     their   psychology   days     with     some   of     her   memories     .     voted     most     likely     to     put    others    first     ,     ada     was     known     for     being     devoted     &     obstinate     ,     go     figures     you'd     always     find     them     making     out     at     a     frat     party     ,     but     grew     up     to     be   pragmatic     &   sepulchral        .      ✎      laney     ,     21     ,     she/her     ,     est     .

trigger warning : death , child loss , self - harm , alcoholism , adultery/infidelity , car accidents . 

                    the   basics

𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥  𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞  : adalia  josephine  haas  -  foster  .

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞  :  ada  .

𝐚𝐠𝐞  :  twenty  -  one  .

𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞  𝐨𝐟  𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡  :  february  14th  .

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫  /  𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬  :  cisfemale  /  her  :  she  .

​𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡  𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞  :  san  diego  ,  california  .

𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲  :  american  .   german   .

𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧  𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬  :  english  .

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫  𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐨  :  idk  yet  lmao  .

𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬   :      sun    kissed    skin    gleaming    under    the    warm    sun    ,     saccharine    vowels    falling    out    of    glossy    lips  ,  too    many    unanswered    texts    and    missed    calls    to    ever    get    rid    of    the    notification    bubble    ,    an    eagerness    for    affection    she    could    never    shake   .

                    background

your    unwed   parents    were    elated    but    nervous    to    welcome    two    children    into    the    world    at    once    .    you    arrived    twelve    minutes    ahead    of    your    sibling    .    before    you    ,    they    had    never    seen    a    sparkle    in    someone’s    eyes    as    bright    as    yours    —    one    deep    &    cornflower    blue    ,    the    other    dipped    in    honey    with    speckles    of    gold    .    the    first    eleven    years    of    your    life    were    blissful    ,    content    ,    easy    -    going    .    you    were    the    flower    girl    at    their    wedding    .    your    father    was    a    pilot    in    the    marines    .    your    sweet    mother    didn’t    know    a    thing    until    it    was    too    late    .    she    was    a    labor    &    delivery    nurse    with    long    hours    .    she    was    a    bit    of    a    treehugger    .    you    grew    up    recycling    &    never    eating    a    meal    with    animal    products    .    when    she    wasn’t    working    ,    she    was    taking    care    of    the    kids    .    she    didn’t    notice    when    he    came    home    too    l  a  t  e    .    or    when    he    didn’t    swing    by    during    lunch    .    she    had    no    reason    to    suspect    he    was    fooling    around    during    his    deployments    (    and    his    days    off    ,    for    that    matter    )    .    one    day    there    was    a    knock    at    the    door    .    a    fellow    officer    had    come    by    to    tell    mrs    .    haas    that    she    had    fallen    pregnant    ...    with    mr    .    haas’s    baby    .    by    the    time    mr    .    haas    pulled    into    the    driveway    following    a    tiresome    shift    ,    you    were    long    gone    .    

you    adapted    to    the    san    francisco    area    well    enough    .    the    burden    of    two    children    was    getting    the    best    of    your    mother    so    you    never    complained    .    when    your    oma    came    to    live    with    you    ,    things    were    starting    to    look    up    for    you    .    conversations    with    dad    were    fleeting    but    he    told    you    he    missed    you    .    and    he    loved    you    .    he    told    you    about    your    new    baby    brother    .    thirteen    would    be    the    last    year    you    received    a    birthday    card    from    your    father    before    you    stopped    hearing    from    him    at    all    .    your    mother    went    into    travel    nursing    that    same    year    .    she    needed    an    escape    .    a    new    start    .    but    she    wouldn’t    uproot    her    family    again    .    so    as    she    traveled    the    continental    u.s.    ,    you    &    your    sibling    stayed    behind    with    oma    .    you    were    always    a    mommy’s    girl    .    she    was    your    idol    .    and    then    she    was    gone    .    you    formed    a    friendship    with    your    oma    .    you    learned    her    recipes    ,    the    shows    she    liked    &    the    songs    she    loved    to    sing    .    but    the    scars    on    your    wrists    proved    how    lonely    you    truly    were    .    

your    life    was    dull    .    you    wanted    to    feel    something    .    cutting    led    to    drinking    which    led    to    parties    which    led    to    boys    .    they    said    they    adored    you    ,    but    you    quickly    learned    that    only    meant    they    adored    what    was    in    your    pants    .    when    you    didn’t    put    out    ,    they    made    up    lies    .    you    kept    your    circle    small    from    that    point    forward    .    you    looked    out    for    them    &    they    looked    out    for    you    .    your    brief    brushes    with    love    &    the    lived    experience    of    divorce    hardened    you    .    until    you    saw    him    .    alexsander    knew    the    rumors    of    course    ,    but    that    didn’t    stop    him    from    asking    you    on    a    date    .    in    the    beginning    you    were    afraid    .    stand    -    offish    .    but    he    won    your    heart    .    you’d    be    inseparable    ever    since    .    you’d    never    seen    a    love    quite    like    his    .    gentle    ,    passionate    ,    devoted    .    his    flaws    were    merely    tiny    hiccups    in    your    happily    ever    after    .    you    could    fix    him    ,    the    way    he    fixed    you    .    when    it    was    time    for    college    ,    you    couldn’t    let    him    go    .    rom    valley    wasn’t    too    far    away    from    your    old    life    with    oma    .    with    a    tank    full    of    gas    &    a    couple    of    hours    on    the    road    ,    you    could    easily    visit    .    so    you    left    .    you    joined    a    sorority    &    other    organizations    .    your    job    at    twin    peaks    was    supposed    to    be    ironic    but    your    quite    the    chatty    cathy    .    lonely    men    were    eager    for    your    conversation    ,    so    ,    the    money    was    good    .    not    that    you    needed    it    .    but    the    independence    felt    nice    .    you    majored    in    psychology    because    you    wanted    to    help    girls    who    reminded    you    of    yourself    .    college    was    the    best    time    of    your    life    .    

you    would’ve    sworn    that    happiness    would    last    forever    .    then    you    got    the    call    from    your    mother    .    she    was    thousands    of    miles    away    &    frantic    .    she    said    oma    had    a    heart    attack    .    in    the    three    hours    it    took    to    drive    home    ,    she    passed    away    .    you    were    crushed    .    but    alexsander    was    there    .    he    made    sure    you    didn’t    slip    through    the    cracks    .    he    supported    you    through    your    grief    .    life    returned    to    normal    after    a    few    months    .    the    guilt    lingered    .    you    smiled    through    it    .    when    you    graduated    ,    you    began    working    for    a    publishing    company    .    a    professor    recommended    you    for    the    job    ,    actually    .    you    loved    it    .    you    got    married    .    you    had    a    baby    .    alina    .    because    she    was    the    light    of    your    life    .    if    you    couldn’t    have    the    perfect    family    then    you    would    make    your    own    .   it    slipped    alexsander’s    mind    to    pick    up    his    daughter    from    practice    .    you    chastised    him    ,    reminding    him    that    nothing   was    more    important    than    his    family    .    you    were    hit    by    a    drunk    driver    going    above    the    speed    limit    .    only    ten    minutes    away    from    home    .    of    the    two    passengers    ,    only    you    survived    .    they    told    you    in    the    hospital    that    she    died    on    impact    .    your    precious    alina    didn’t    feel    any    pain    .    but    you    did    .    you    couldn’t    eat    or    sleep    .    you    fell    into    a    deep    depression    .    a    wife    who    loses    a    husband    is    a    widow    .    a    child    that    loses    its    parents    is    an    orphan    .    there’s    no    word    for    a    parent    who    loses    their    child    .    that’s    how    awful    the    loss    is    .    and    where    was    your    prince    ?    drowning    his    sorrows    in    brown    liquor    .    when    you    lost    her    ,    you    lost    him    too    .    you    tried    to    help    .    you    tried    to    set    aside    your    grief    to    heal    him    too    .    it    didn’t    work    .    the    man    lying    next    to    you    was    a    stranger    .    so    you    left    .    you    took    your    time    filing    for    a    divorce    .    you    put    all    your    focus    into    writing    a    book    .    the    tale    of    a    girl    who    lost    every    love    she’d    ever    known    .    it    was    you    .    a    new    york    times    best    seller    .    you    toured    the    world    sharing    your    story    .    your    mother    served    your    husband    the    papers    a    month    before    the    reunion    .    the    event    completely    slipped    your    mind    .    

                    personality

you   can    be    one    of    the    most    loyal    people    any    could    ever    encounter    because    you’re    is    so    thoughtful    &    generous    .    everyone    knows    you’re    goal    -    oriented    .    naturally    ,    it’s    rather    difficult    for    you    to    let    people    in    so    when    you    actually    do    care    for    someone    you’ll    will    go    to    the    ends    of    the    earth    to    prove    her    friendship    .    even    in    a    platonic    sense    you’re    often    embracing    others    ,    holding    hands    or    placing    pecks    on    the    cheek    .    you’re    innately    charismatic    ,    perceptive    ,    &    observant    .    your    radiant    personality    has    it’s    less    admirable    side    .    you’re    known    to    be    a    little    too    sensitive    ,    sarcastic    ,    envious    ,    bellicose    .    a    mix    of    her    upbringing    &    her    aquarius    sun    sign     .   your    life    has    made    you    jaded    .    you’re    not    the    bottle    blonde    you    were    in    college    .    you    can’t    have    a    meal    without    having    a    drink    .    there’s    a    crack    in    your    smile    that    even    you    can’t    hide    .

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

There's a lot of things about Borderlands 3 that makes it kinda a garbage game. And all of those things are valid and true but a aspect of bl3 that deeply bothers me isn't something I've really seen people talk about?? Maybe they have but I missed it but I want to say my interpretation. (Also like, spoiler warning throughout all of this post)

To start off with: hi, I'm a autistic afab nonbinary person and this is relevant for this little rant I'm bout to go on.

I want to begin by stating why I love this franchise so much.

Borderlands, whether you like it or not, is INCREDIBLY queer. And not in a coded kind of way, it's just flat out gay as fuck. And that means so fucking much to me. Borderlands 2 was one of the first times I ever felt fully represented in a game. Zer0 being this dumbass making Yugioh references and generally being a fun garbage boy and also being nonbinary meant a lot to me and I adore him to this day (nonbinary people can use gendered pronouns fuc off). And getting more and more into this series and finding out that basically every character was on some level queer was really cool to me. Maya being asexual and most of the characters being attracted to multiple genders so honestly and off handily was so refreshing and amazing to get to play through. The casual mentions of a woman's wife or some man's husband in the echo's you find or Moxxi talking about her ex girlfriends was one of the reasons I loved this so much.

Another thing I loved particularly about Borderlands 2 was how feminist it was. I can not tell you how quickly I lost my shit at Mr. Torgue talking about the friend zone being misogynistic(it is btw). And the repeated jokes about fully murdering men for being rude to women was some of the highlights of my first playthrough. Punching a guy till he explodes because he disrespected a sex worker?? Fucking immaculate.

SPEAKING OF SEX WORK.

Mad Moxxi is a icon. She is a mother of MULTIPLE children, a survivor of rape and assault and a fucking bad bitch who runs a now intergalactic titty bar. Getting to have not only a sex worker be respected in a narrative, Moxxi is fun and a genuinely complex character who isn't defined by her job or her appearance. She is emotional and strong and funny and flawed but amazing person.

And then there's the way the male characters a represented and treated. I'll be honest here, I haven't really played Borderlands 1, mostly because have been spoiled by auto pick up and also I just didn't feel like it. So my idea of most of the men are based entirely off of Bl2, the pre-sequel and Tales. Anyway, Mordecai in particular is a character I really liked upfront. I love how a lot of his motivation and character is driven by his love of animals and Bloodwing. He's kind and though troubled knows when to get his shit together and be there when he needs to be. His casual "are you okay?" After the latter falls in the Arid Nexus was such a nice moment and the way he genuinely tries to be there emotionally for all of the people around him who he cares for is so fucking rare to see in a male character. And his arc of giving up alcohol to focus on being a better bird dad and you getting to help Brick make Mordecai a special gift to celebrate his sobriety is so amazing and I'm so proud of him.

Mr. Torgue is my dad and I love him. As mentioned, he is normal and believes that the friend zone is absolute garbage talk is ICONIC™ and the best scene in that game fight me. Torgue is a crybaby. He is an emotional person who is not afraid to express his pain and hurt when people are mean to him. He respects women and loves unicorns. The fact that is physical appearance is a big muscle guy who screams but is the literal opposite of toxic masculinity will forever make him the best male character of all time and I love him and he is my dad.

Roland was a character that I was never in particularly attached to but I still respect him and did enjoy his presence. I really appreciated his leadership style being primarily based on empathy and logic as opposed to him being a big meanie man with a HUGE dick who yells at people. I always really resonated with the echo from Tannis talking about how she came to Sanctuary. Roland going out of his way to bring Tannis to safety while completely respecting her autism and struggle with socializing really made his death hit harder when Tannis was very obviously distraught by losing him. It really seems that Roland was the only one who didn't treat her differently. And as someone who's autistic, finding people who legit 100% understand and respect you and just let you live the way you want/need to is kinda hard and those are the qualities I'd personally want in a leader.

Angel is also a big spot of affection for me. Handsome Jack being a irrefutably horrible person who Angel flat out says gaslights people and killed her means a lot to me considering 99% of Bad Parent stories end with "I forgive u" getting to see an abusive victim take that narrative and say fuck you was powerful and meant a lot to me coming from my own abusive home life.

There's a lot of other things I love about Borderlands but if I keep going I won't stop lol so let's get into why Borderlands 3 makes me so uncomfortable.

One of the main things that bothered me was the sexism. Its nothing too horrifying but given how feminist bl2 was it was really shocking and a bit hurtful the number of times women are called bitches or made to seem crazy. If you recall I brought up how you punch a man to death for calling a woman a bitch? Yea no, in this game we mock women for having boundaries and opinions because lol she's just a CRAZY BITCH who just needs to stop acting so hysterical am I right guys?

Yea the whole mission with that stupid bear thing and his ex robot girlfriend made me insanely uncomfortable and upset. I kept waiting for the gotcha moment where it says actually this bear guy is a dick and he shouldn't use language like that but no we just,,,,,, are supposed to laugh along. I hate it.

Even though Borderlands 3 is still very much queer, this game introducing 2 new trans characters as well as a whole DLC about a gay marriage and one of the playable characters being a lesbian there was this some shit that bothered me.

The mission where you crash and ruin a lesbian wedding.

That mission made so upset and uncomfortable. I hated how traumatized and hurt Tumorhead was as I murdered her family and wife. I hated how unfulfilling the mission was where PLOT TWIST the lady was actually a spy or whatever. I hate how there's a mission about ruining some poor psycho ladies wedding. I would've much more preferred a mission where Idk Bloodshine asks you to help her kill a spy who's causing problems and then fucking go around Promethea collecting wedding decorations or something. OR MAYBE JUST NOT A MISSION WHERE YOU KILL LESBIANS FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

I'm mad, anyway.

I also hated how Tannis was treated in this game. Under absolutely no circumstance would Doctor Patricia Tannis ever willingly take up a position of leadership. She is a severely autistic woman who gets nose bleeds from talking to people she wouldn't just be like "I'm in charge now pls talk to me!!!" Fuck off. And the joke about her dating a minecart isn't funny. The whole thing with the chairs, though funny in its absurdities was still a very important and powerful moment of character exploration. Tannis is insane. She is traumatized and hurt and in a moment of severe torture, she humanized some inanimate objects to cope. Tannis crying over the echo over Phillip is a heartbreaking moment of true vulnerability. It is also funny, because that's how good dark comedy works. It can be both hysterical and emotionally ruining at the same time. So what exactly does Tannis divorcing a minecart mean? What is this saying about her character? Why is it funny? Because lol lol reference??? Again, fuck off.

I hate how the Calypso twins childhood is handled. Troy implies it was horribly abusive and traumatic. But when we met Typhon whatever, he acts like it wasn't that bad??? He acts like he just didn't buy his kids the latest iPhone and oh no whoopsie now they're evil, my bad guys. It feels super weird and I don't like it.

Speaking of abusive parents. THEY DID MY GIRL ANGEL DIRTY SO BAD. This was literally when I decided I hated this game. Angel being the one who killed her mother and not Jack was fucking horrible. Especially after the literal foreshadowing in borderlands 2 implying he did. The fact that Jack is treated like a fearful man making what he thought was the right decision was insulting. I get that MattPat manipulated the fandom into thing Jack is a uwu bean but fuck you, you're the writers and you should fucking know better. Handsome Jack saw his daughter had power and turned her into a living battery for him to use as he saw fit. He was not scared and he was NOT right. Fuck you and fuck you for framing child abuse as chill and ok if your spooked enough like that. And the mission directly contradicts the echo's in Get To Know Jack. If Angel killed her mom why does she ask Jack where her mommy is when he's putting her in her chambers?? Why is it in the echo Jack is aggressive and forcibly and hurtfully makes her go into her chambers but in the memory, he's quiet and passive about it?? That's literally just flat out bad writing. Also fuck you.

Anyway,

I think that's really all I wanted to say about this topic. Obviously, there are also things that suck about bl3 but I'll try to chill and not make this too long.

I mostly wanted to make this to see if people cared/are bothered by the same things I am. I've seen how some of the fandom treats the more emotional and gay aspects of this franchise(the people throwing a fit over Amara, the friend zone line, not respecting trans peoples pronouns, sexualizing and being gross about Moxxi)

Anyway that's it byeeeeeeeeeeeee

[ashtraythief]

Yay, SPN asks! How about 2, 5, and 25?

<3<3<3

2. Dean. Don’t get me wrong, I love Sam. I love, love, love Sam. But I am a Dean girl at heart :D Love the way he’s an unapologetic hedonist, I love how he tries to be so tough but really carries his heart on his sleeve. I love how brave he is while still being real. I love that he has flaws, that he’s not perfect, but that he tries. I love that he has a dark streak, and I kinda wish we would’ve seen more of that on the show. Alas it was still on the CW :D

5. Hmm, that’s a tough one. Mystery Spot? It’s the perfect blend of brotherly desperation, comedy, and all the feelings. And Asia rules :D Plus, some prime brothers content including Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the bed and the dead brother burger. I don’t necessarily think it’s the best episode (even though I’d have a hard time picking that. I want to do a rewatch, maybe I’ll finally try to rank my faves :D), but favorite doesn’t have to mean best, right? Honorable mentions would include in no particular order Tall Tales, AHBL2, Faith, Swan Song, and Red Meat (I’ve only watched the finale twice so far and my viewing experience was clouded by all the feelings, so I’m not sure where it’ll fall yet, but I have a feeling it’ll become part of the favorites rotation and definitely the end to every rewatch, no matter under what criteria). I like the feelings, but I also love the comedic episodes.

25. The only reason why Playthings doesn’t appear with answer five is because it belongs here. Playthings is the reason why I fell in love with Supernatural. 

I’d heard about the show before. And once, when I was online, many moons ago, I was looking for a new show to watch and this one rec site (“rec site” I say, this was before my country had netflix *coughs* I swear, I am a mostly law-abiding citizen now) had different categories, and one category was “ridiculously attractive people.” And hey, I am kinda shallow and they had a poster from season one or two and those boys were effing cute then, so I thought, okay, why not? I watched the pilot, and I stopped again. Yes, they were really cute, and I liked the banter, but boy, that show was way too scary for me (don’t laugh, I never watch horror, I am an absolutely scaredy cat when it comes to movies) and the effects were also kind of bad. I mean, the scene where the woman in white disintegrates with her kids is objectively bad. 

I didn’t think about Supernatural for a while then and then in 2010 my then roommate took me home for Easter, and after a family dinner, we were watching TV. I remember this like it was yesterday. We were hanging out, my roommate, her brother and her boyfriend and I and TNT was on the TV. First up was Leverage, which my roommate loved, so we watched attentively and I was like, yes, this is a good show I will watch. Next up Supernatural. Playthings. And I was like, ah yes, I remember this. Sure. I don’t mind. 

Five minutes later my eyes were glued to the screen and I could not look away. The ep was still a bit scary, but the lighting was much more bright lol and you could kinda see the deaths coming. But the brotherly banter, Dean’s excitement. Sam being so earnerst. Antiquing :D The doll collection moment, oh man. I had so much second-hand embarrassment for Sam, that poor boy. And then drunk Sam. I had no idea what the drama was about, but the scene still hit. And then the next morning and the banter and then trying to save the family, and dude, you’re not gonna poke her with a stick and Dean’s face, and then the other daughter was the ghost!!!, omg I did not see that coming and then the pool scene and wet Sam, jesus fuck (I did mention above how I’m shallow, right? yes, generally I think Dean has the prettier face, but Sam’s still also very pretty and that boy can pull off the wet look damn) and it was game over, tilt tilt tilt. As soon as I got home, I went back to the reccing site, went back to the ridiculous attractive people and started Supernatural from the beginning. I had a lot of holding the pillow in front of my face moments in the first two season, but I made it and they were so fucking worth it.

So I guess, I thought I’d come for the pretty, but really I came for the banter, and the brothers, and their fucked-up relationship and the horrid fate they were trying to escape while still fighting with a smirk. Also Dean called Sam Sammy when he was teasing him about his hangover and desperately hoping Sam had forgotten about making Dean promise to kill him and idk what to tell you, but they had me after Playthings hook, line, and sinker.

[frumfrumfroo]

What are your favorite movies and TV shows outside of SW? I’m looking for new things to watch since SW was so disappointing

My tastes are pretty eclectic, so I will stick to just things that are either similar to sw or are in the reylo-esque romance wheelhouse and have happy endings:

Chuck. It is a goofy, light-hearted action-adventure show with extremely endearing characters and a very prominent central romance (seriously, heavy romance and there is a lot of payoff for it, you will be FED- it's kind of slow burn but also shockingly NOT slow burn, they are deep into it pretty much immediately). The main couple is the classic Stoic Badass gradually softened by an innocent they have to protect who is a liability in battle but full of the Power of Heart. Chuck is The Heart btw. He is of that vanishingly rare male Beauty (of B&tB) type. He's incredibly generous and open, Sarah is prickly and closed-off. It is Quality. Very much a gender-swap of your typical cliche anime couple lol. I would recommend stopping at the mid-season finale in season 4, because it's downhill from there. The beginning of season 3 is very rough, but it's definitely worth it to stay for the back half, imo. There are several great endings to choose from before things go to shit, so we don't need to talk about the finale. Probably the most tonally similar to SW thing possible without being high/space fantasy. More humour, more silly, but definitely has a spiritual kinship. Has the best THE BEST 'secret revealed' scenes I have ever seen in anything. If you're into that and were hoping for that in ep IX, you need to watch Chuck.

The Shop Around the Corner. 1940 romance/drama film. You've Got Mail is a remake of it. Jimmy Stewart being profoundly adorable, Frank Morgan (aka the Wizard of Oz), various amusing side characters, and an absolutely deathless double blind 'secretly in love with the workplace nemesis' plot that can and probably has been a great reylo AU.

Mirromask. Fantasy/coming-of-age film. Touted as a 'spiritual successor' to Labyrinth by the filmmakers (one of whom is Neil Gaiman) and let me tell you, that is extremely apt. Beautiful, magical, laden with symbolism and Mask Discourse, and has a great ship. I quote it regularly.

Speaking of which, I'm sure you've seen Labyrinth? If you haven't seen Labyrinth, drop everything and watch Labyrinth.

Legend (the Ridley Scott director's cut, not the theatrical cut). Sumptuous fairy tale, runs on proper fairy tale logic, stunning to look at and overall captivating. Tim Curry. Tim Curry as a lonely tragic lord of darkness who tries to seduce the heroine and has drippingly overwrought monologues.

Howl's Moving Castle. Fairy tale adventure/romance film. Beautifully animated, has the ending you want.

The Silence of the Lambs. Thriller/drama film. Actual masterpiece. Use it as a gateway drug to read the books and rejoice that Clannibal is canon and it is spectacular. Just SotL and Hannibal, you don't need to read the other two. Stan Clarice Starling and revel in that ending. Most triumphant 'villain'/heroine ship of all time (he is not technically a villain but for shorthand's sake).

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. Terry Gilliam 1988 fantasy/adventure film. THE TRIUMPH OF IDEALISM OVER CYNICS I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW HEALING IT WAS TO WATCH AFTER THE TROS BULLSHIT HIT. Jonathan Pryce's spiritual villain is basically Chris Terrio and it is cathartic to see imagination and sentiment conquer him.

Sabrina. 1995 romance film. Modern fairy tale with Harrison Ford. Rejecting what you thought you wanted all your life for the thing you actually need, growing up but still believing in magic, beautiful character development across all the leads. Could be (and is irrc) a fantastic reylo AU.

The Scarlet Pimpernel. 1934 adventure film. High romance, secret identities, play-acting, people who aren't at all what they appear to be, falling in love with your own spouse, Big Heroism, guile and wit and audacity. It makes me do little kicks like a happy baby. This is one of the 3-5 films constantly tied for my favourite film of all time. There is a good quality rip free on youtube. Watch it and fall in love with Leslie Howard (this is possibly my favourite acting performance of all time).

Oh, related note. Pygmalion 1938 or My Fair Lady. (The musical is based on this film and borrows from it heavily, including its much more romantic ending compared to the original play.)

The Mummy. 1999 action/adventure/romance film. Very tonally similar to sw. A fucking great time, A+ characters.

EVER AFTER. 1998 romance film. The flawless and perfect and best ever Cinderella adaptation. This is the most satisfying film in history, maybe, the ending is so good it is amazing it exists. Also, it has Richard O'Brien being slimy. Huge selling point. Grapples with identity and stewardship, is brilliant.

Fruits Basket. drama/romance anime. I haven't watched the new version yet, but it's following the manga so I know the story. The original anime didn't do the whole plot (because they caught up with the source material) but it's wonderful and I still recommend it. The central ship is (spoiler.........) a B&tB type where we eventually discover the main love interest both feels like a figurative monster and turns into a literal monster. He has an incredible speech about his relationship with people's fear, it makes me weep. I called the endgame from the first episode and always thought it was obvious, but there is a red herring love triangle dynamic. It's really not annoying, though, because it is a red herring. (I hate love triangles)

I am Dragon. Russian monster romance film. Beautiful, simple fable with a really great heroine.

Jane Eyre. 1943 Gothic Romance film. It's Jane Eyre, byronic hero x sensible heroine love story with much atmosphere and Gothic drama. I stan this version because I am an Orson Welles fangirl and I'm also not convinced it can be improved upon. Elizabeth Taylor's film debut btw.

Hellboy. 2004 action/adventure/romance film. Defying destiny, reconciling identity, monster romance. The complete package and a great time. Tonally similar to SW and probably thematically closest to it out of this whole list. Don't watch the sequel.

Beauty and the Beast 1987 tv series. Exactly what it says on the tin. Deals with the classic B&tB themes, but in a different way. He's not cursed and will never transform into an ordinary man. The first season is very episodic and 'case of the week', but the second season gets more into character drama. It's dated, but if you give it a chance you can get past some of the cheese factor and it's really a unique experience. Its concerns are SO atypical that it feels like something fandom would make rather than a mainstream network show. It was so massively, insanely popular with women at the time that a record of Vincent (the beast) reading poetry topped the album charts. Also Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton. Stop at season two. Point of interest: George RR Martin wrote for this show.

Stargate (the movie not the series) sci-fi fantasy about a nerdy guy who accidentally a hero.

Possession. 2009... mystery/supernatural/romance. Okay. This is a whole thing. Lee Pace and Sarah Michelle Gellar. It's based on a Korean film I've never been able to find for some reason, but being Hollywood they ruined the romanticism and nuance of the original in the theatrical cut to make a shitty punative ending. However. If you buy it on dvd and go to the alternate ending (which follows the original story) with around 20 minutes left (scene after Lee Pace's character wakes from a bad dream-go to deleted scenes and select the alternate ending), you will get a very, very interesting character study/thriller/redemption about sincerity within deception, compassion, and a major question about second chances with a positive answer. It's kind of dark and kind of astonishingly idealistic at the same time. The heroine makes a very powerful choice, twice over. It's fascinating. If you're into the conflicted and uncertain period in reylo, the part where he is most ambiguous, and you wanted more of that and much darker shades to it, you might be really into this. Also, it should be noted, there is a MASSIVE height difference and they show it off. The film is flawed (and the seams show on the Hollywood rewrite) but idk, it's fascinating. Shocking to me that they even got to shoot the original ending. It is pretty balls to the wall with its themes on forgiveness.

I would recommend getting into kdramas because there is a wealth of female-gaze tropey amazing content, but always check the ending before getting invested. My all-time fave is the 1st Shop of Coffee Prince, but it's not sw related at all lmao. It has a happy ending with all the elements you'd want, but it's not satisfying in execution, so that's it's major flaw and I find that pretty common with kdramas. One that is maybe more relevant is My Love from Another Star, which has a hero who is a little bit like Ben in personality. The heroine isn't my favourite, though. It does have a decent ending.

Oh yeah- brain fart. Kurosawa films and classic westerns were both very influential on SW. Or you can combine both and watch The Magnificent Seven.

[shealwaysreads]

16 and 25 for the end of year asks please! 💙💙💙

Hello darling! Thanks for playing, and apologies for being...days late with my reply 😅❤️

16. fic(s) you completed this year

So, every fic I’ve ever written for the Harry Potter fandom has been done this year - and every single one has been a joy and a journey of learning. 

Here they are - all 15 (FIFTEEN?!) of them!

Heaven’s Embroidered Cloths - 

In which the Yule Ball opens Harry's eyes to beauty and splendour, and it takes him eight years to find someone who realises exactly what he wants. Magical fabric, solstice celebrations, and first kisses in borrowed clothes.

My first ever fic for Harry Potter, my first every drarry! Encouraged, aided and abetted, by @diligent-thunder @tepre and @bixgirl1 and our collective obsession for Wizarding clothes. Looking back I can see the flaws and my baby-foal fumbling with characterisation, but this was the beginning of my little fandom frolic (and ongoing kink obsession with their clothes) so I love it dearly!

Simple Little Kiss - 

Harry slid his knife and fork together, and leaned back in his chair to watch Draco finish the last sip of wine in his glass, the long line of his neck exposed as he tipped his head back. Satisfaction and longing vied for the top spot in his mind. One appetite had been thoroughly sated; another was growling its hunger in his chest.

Prompted by the lovely @malenkayacherepakha this little ditty was based on: ‘One Small Kiss, Pulling Away For An Instant, Then Devouring Each Other’. Needless to say, that was right up my street 🙌

Those Who Favor Fire - 

In which Harry and Draco ride out the effects of a potion, revealing every feeling that lies beneath.

My first ever Drabble for the monthly Drarry Discord Writers Corner Challenge - this server full of talented, creative, and encouraging folk has absolutely been pivotal in my swan dive into writing this year ❤️

Crow’s Feet - a gift for @erin-riwen - and a very self-indulgent one at that. I’m a sucker for love, and gentleness, and life well lived for my darling Harry and Draco and this was me just revelling in that!

Writing’s On The Wall - 

In which the Auror department is surprisingly artistic, Draco is still an overdramatic shit, Harry still makes the most of any trouble that finds him, and getting horizontal is the solution to everyone's problems.

This is really showing up my terrible summary habits isn't it 👀 ANYWAY! This is another fic inspired by the fabulous drarry squad server - and my first attempt at being funny? (Also, Draco is fresh out the shower and if that isn't entirely on brand for me idk what is)

Honesty Is The Best Policy -

In which Auror partners Malfoy and Potter discover a trunk full of depraved tools, and Harry might have to explain himself.

Another Drabble for the Drarry Discord gang! 

A Shorts Story About Love -  

House-sharing with Slytherins, student life, magic weed, and short shorts. Harry's life at university might be strange, but he wouldn't change it for the world.

Entirely inspired by the lovely @rose-grangerweasleyisbae and her prompt over on the Drarry Discord. I had a ball writing this, it was one of those pics that just flowed, and I loved the little world I dreamed up - might even revisit it at some point...

Sunkissed - 

Burnt toast, international Portkeys, ancient ruins, and Harry's own special brand of support.

Written for this years @hpdrizzle - my first ever fest fic, prompted by @maraudersaffair who I have to thank for igniting my lowkey head canon of freckled!Draco into a full blown writing brand™️ ❤️

Patient, Hungry, Waiting - 

“Potter looked every inch the picture of the war hero that the Ministry loved to trot out for events like this, and nothing like he had on the day he actually did end the war. A decade of rising through the Auror ranks and hunting down dark Wizards, with all of the efficacy and subtlety of a natural disaster, had turned a skinny boy with knobbly knees into a strong, self-assured man who fairly commanded the room. He was resplendent in wine-dark robes, gold buttons and epaulettes, and a profusion of medals; a world away from the exhaustion, grime, and worn out jeans he wore during the Battle of Hogwarts. Draco, for one, approved of the changes.”

                                               ...

Unspeakable Draco Malfoy has learned the value of patience, the scintillation of delayed gratification, the thrill of waiting out his prey. Tonight, he's going to show Potter that good things come to those who wait.

A gift for my darling @tackytigerfic on her birthday, and one of my favourite fics of mine. As much as this was written to indulge her every whim, her tastes align so closely with mine this felt pretty damn self indulgent - can I say leather thigh wand-holster anyone? 😉

Pathless Woods - 

“There is a pleasure in the pathless woods” Lord Byron.

Harry finds himself unexpectedly reacquainted with Draco Malfoy when his work as an apprentice wandmaker takes him to Wiltshire. Amongst the trees Harry finds magic, growth, and a man who might finally be proving he’s worthy of the wand that chose him.

Hawthorn, Unicorn hair, 10 inches, reasonably pliant.

A story of found family, trees with feelings, belief in the power of growth, wandlore, and gratuitous description of Handsome Estate Owner™ Draco Malfoy swanning around in white shirts and leather boots.

Written for @hd-fan-fair and it’s my longest fic to date - a little out of my usual wheelhouse - it’s gentle, more of a tale than a rollicking ride, but I adored writing it, and love the way it turned out. 

Logical - Inspired by this stunning art by @potter-art! I just couldn’t help myself, I was thirsty enough for Draco in leather to be one of the many to prompt her the outfit in question for drawing - and then the finished product was so GODDAMN hot I had to write poor Harry having to deal with it! ❤️🔥

No Absolutes - The first of my ‘I finished all my fest deadlines for the year prompt me Hozier songs for ficlets’ project (all of you who prompted, I promise I haven't forgotten, I’m working on them!) 

This one is for @littlebozsheep who suggested Take Me to Church, and I had a lot of fun making this not-quite-poetry-not-quite-prose little baby of mine.

And my rarepair babies:

A Study In Contrasts - 

In which Neville grew up hot, but still doesn't quite remember it all the time, and Theo is freckled, handsome, and likes plants. You know what happens next.

Okay so the lovely @drarryruinedme7 slid into my DMs and started talking HP rarepairs with me and when she started talking about Neville x Theo my eyes lit up and my writerly ears perked up - think excited meerkat, that's about how it felt. 

After rummaging through the internet for their facecasts - see Neville and Theo (important research okay, the fact they're devastatingly gorgeous is neither here nor there) I had the delightful excuse of the @growing-neville fest to light a fire under my arse and write a fic, which I gifted to @drarryruinedme7!

All Our Strength, And All Our Sweetness - 

In which Neville cooks, Theo is seriously into being manhandled, these two finally get each other naked, and it turns out they're compatible outside of the greenhouse too.

I was NOT DONE with these two! I still have lots of feelings about this little ‘verse I created and I will be playing with these delicious toys again soon 😉

Devil’s Snare - 

In which some late night extra-curricular work in Greenhouse Nine turns into a whole new Herbology discovery for Neville Longbottom.

Did I ever see myself writing Neville x Devil’s Snare? No. Did I commit 100% once I decided to go for it? Yes. Do I entirely blame the kinky gang on the Drarry Discord? Also yes. 

21. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read

Gosh, okay Corie pick the hard questions why don’t you?! I have read so many incredible fics this year - let’s face it - every fic I’ve read is brilliant in it’s own way (and I’m thinking of doing a ‘this is what I read this year’ list to cover them all) but I’m going to try and nail it down to...5...okay so, 10. Alphabetical, cause these are all adored equally.

amid this warm and steady sweetness by warmfoothills (drarry)

All Bets Are Off by @dualwieldteacup (drarry)

Before the World Was Made by @13pawns (drarry)

Brick by Brick by agentmoppet (drarry)

Cupid Disarmed by @chromat1cs (wolfstar)

Offer Up Our Hearts by @tackytigerfic (drarry)

Trouble, My Old Friend by @tepre (drarry)

You Burn Me by @etalice (linny)

White As Snow by @bixgirl1 (drarry)

with exactness grinds he all by @thistle-verse (drarry)

I’m playing the Fanfic end of the year asks game!

❤️