#IF A BEHAVIOR IS CAUSING TROUBLE (ESPECIALLY IF IT'S CAUSING TROUBLE FOR THE KID ITSELF)

[anaalnathrakhs]

wait, 8 years old kid, you can be alone all day but we'll drive all the mandatory stuff ourselves! wait, 12 years old kid, you're too independant! wait, 14 years old kid, come sit with us instead! wait, 17 years old kid, i'll take the car and pick you up 800 meters away from home! wait, 18 years old kid, don't you know how difficult and hard and painful it was for us when you didn't do activities you don't like with us, back then!

wait, 18 years old kid, i don't understand why you're not more independant if you want it so badly, after all it's normal at your age!

[marzgurl]

OH, MAN! WHO WANTS AN UPDATE TO THE VIC MIGNOGNA MURDER PLOT LONGPOST?

I'll also be tacking a chunk of this onto the end of that reblog, if you happen to see that floating around, but I'll be cross-linking ASAP. But basically, Vic more directly addressed the Farah situation on his Twitch livestream today! Boy, Farah's not gonna like this one. Especially because we have proof that things did not go the way he said they went. He does not address the murder plot itself, but addresses the fact that, yes, he did in fact have this relationship and he's just mad at how Farah is handling learning about who Vic really is.

Watch the video above, but also, I'm putting a transcript of what he says here. I'm putting the transcript behind a cut, followed by personal commentary on how he's trying to dodge responsibility, lie, and gaslight despite the fact that we have information contrary to what he's saying.

Before that, though, I want to make it clear that before this specific block of video/transcript, he spent about 10 to 15 minutes saying that he is the way he is because his dad walked out on his family when he was like nine years old, and so he started getting really desperate to overachieve to gain everybody's attention and affections, got himself into a marriage with a wife and two of her kids at the age of 35, then she divorced him, and that's why he pursued anime and conventions as hard as he did because he just wanted to feel like people liked him (it's a really weird way he excuses a lot of his shitty behavior). Like I said, it goes on like that for, like, 10 to 15 minutes. And THEN he talks about his interactions with Farah. And boy, is it wild. Transcript and elaboration below:

"There's been someone online  and I'm not going to say their name, who's been making a lot of noise  and trying to cause a lot of trouble.  Not just for me, but even for people that care about me,  even friends of mine, which is just crazy.  And what's really nonsensical  is it's all private personal interaction. 

The simple truth here is  that I met this person a little over a year ago  and we both agreed when we met  that we were not interested in some kind of relationship  or some kind of long-term, deep, romantic thing. We both said that.  And so I felt like, okay,  we were honest from the very beginning  and we set the ground rules and fine. Just meant to be kind of fine and casual.  But several months in,  this person started expressing deeper feelings. And I was like, whoa, whoa, that's not what we talked about.  We said that we weren't gonna do that.  And there was someone in my life that I loved  and wanted to--I wanted to express--I wanted to focus more attention on that relationship. 

And so I told this person, the one that I was just casually, occasionally connecting with,  that I needed to break that off,  that I needed to stop that  because I wanted to focus on this relationship. Well, they didn't take it very well.  I started to back away.  I told them that I wanted to focus on this  and that I felt like the right thing to do  was to end the connection with them. And they did not take it well  and since then have been doing any damage they could to me or anyone connected to me. 

Now, this person claimed to love me and care about me. And I don't know about you,  but flaming somebody,  illegally recording conversations,  releasing private messages,  those are not the actions of somebody you care about. You know what I mean?  That's not what you do  to someone that you care about.  I mean, and by the way, that's a crime. Can I just point that out, everybody?  It's illegal.  I haven't committed any crimes.  I mean, I've definitely made some bad mistakes. I've hurt people, I've made bad choices that I regret,  but recording someone's phone conversation  without their knowledge or their permission  is against the law, much less releasing it. 

And I don't know about you,  but I could never do those kind of things  to somebody that I genuinely cared about. And you know what's interesting, you guys?  It's easy to love someone who loves you back, right?  Right?  It's so easy to love someone who loves you back. That doesn't take much work.  The real test of true love  is loving somebody who may not feel the same way  or loving someone even when things don't go  the way you wanted them to. That is the test of true love.  Caring about somebody enough  that you don't react badly, you don't seek vengeance or try to hurt them  because things didn't go the way you wanted them to.  That is not love.  And the real test of love is caring about somebody  and demonstrating compassion and grace and mercy  and understanding and kindness  even when things didn't go the way you wanted them to. If you are Christians and I--and I--I am and I want to be better at it, you can't treat people that way. 

God loves us and extends grace and forgiveness to us  that we do not deserve.  And we are called to do the same thing. We are to forgive because we've been forgiven.  We are to extend grace because grace has been extended to us.  We are to be compassionate in the face of anger or hatred  or whatever because it was extended to us by God.

Nothing was ever meant out of malice or vindictiveness  or deceit in my mind.  I have just struggled for a long time as I told you  because of my own past and my own upbringing  and things that have happened in my life  that have made me struggle very, very hard  to feel that I was worthy of love, that I was worth anyone's time or attention or love.  And I suspect that a lot of you do as well. 

So that's the only thing I'm going to say.  I would like to encourage you guys once again, do not engage, do not engage and fight or argue  or post or reply to this stuff  because you know what the overarching umbrella  over everything that I just said is? It's nobody's business.  Your private life, your private interactions with somebody  are yours and theirs business, nobody else's. And just by virtue of the fact  that a lot of people may know who I am,  makes it very inviting for someone to make a big stink  and make a lot of noise on social media. Why? Not because it's gonna change anything,  but just to get attention or to somehow seek revenge  because you're hurt or things didn't go the way  you wanted them to. Don't engage with these people online, okay?  Can I ask you that?  Please, please don't, for yourself as well,  for your own sanity. 

The, these people are so desperate to feel important. They want so badly to feel noticed.  In fact, think about this, you guys.  They probably don't think very highly of themselves. Do you see the connection?  Do you see the similarity between me  and my childhood and my upbringing? Do you see it?  Not feeling worthy.  Not feeling like you're a very much value.  A lot of people feel that, and the only difference is how they deal with it.  How does it come out?  Some people will do just about anything  and say just about anything online or in person  to get some attention because that attention  makes them feel valuable. It makes them feel noticed.  Do you see it?  Do you see it? 

I remember a psychology class when I was in college.  And I remember them saying that,  I remember the professor one day saying  that children or people in general  would prefer negative attention to no attention at all. Think about that for a minute.  They would rather be known for something bad  than not to be known at all. They would rather be noticed for creating a scene  or destroying somebody's career  or trashing someone who they don't like  rather than not be known at all or noticed at all.

And the problem with social media,  I'm sorry, but this is important.  I'm sorry that I'm talking about this,  but the problem with social media guys is  you don't have to prove anything. You can get online and you can say anything you want.  You can make any claims you want.  And nobody really knows whether it's true or not. And I'll tell you something else.  If any of you have ever worked with Photoshop  or editing programs, you can edit text messages, you can edit emails, you can edit photos.  You can make something appear to be a certain way.  And I happen to know for a fact  that there have been an awful lot of lies, flat out lies that have been propagated, that are not true.  But there's nothing you can do  because people have the right to say whatever they want. Social media has given everybody a voice  to hurt someone from thousands of miles away  with no accountability, no proof of anything, nothing."

MAN, this guy lies like he breathes. For one, he does everything in his power to dodge saying he had a sexual relationship with the person he was describing. Just incredible.

For another thing, even if he and Farah started off as casual partners, Farah was absolutely not cool playing the part of a homewrecker. She has stated this herself multiple times, including here on TikTok.

Vic deliberately leaves out the actual timeline of events. Why? Because it's SUPER messy, because he's a super messy dude. Okay! Wanna know what that timeline looks like? You're not ready for this.

Vic dated/was engaged to Michele Specht between the years of 2006 to 2018. That's a long-ass amount of time! During that time, Vic cheated on Michele REPEATEDLY, with prostitutes, other fans at anime conventions, even people on his Star Trek Continues fan film (that Michele ALSO stars in, so that's super fuckin' shitty). But a very SPECIFIC super fuckin' shitty relationship that cropped up during that time was with Haileigh Todd (maybe you recognize that name from the previous longpost!). Haileigh and Vic met somewhere around 2016. By 2017, Vic was the ADR director of the one and only Funimation anime he'd ever get to direct, Juni Taisen. And guess what! Haileigh Todd got to be in it. Also, another one of his side chicks, Chelsea Beard, ALSO got to be in it! Fuckin' gross, goin' around behind at least three different women's backs! How do we know it was even just those three?

Anyway, a bunch of shit happens, and by 2018 Michele finally left Vic. All the shit about his behavior hit the fan in 2019, and you guys know how that went. He's had some more girlfriends since then. And guess what! At least one of those girlfriends was Haileigh Todd! AGAIN! And this time, Haileigh is a little more permanent, and a little more public with her relationship with Vic. She starts posting about him on Instagram in late 2021, and by early 2022 she's saying they're the real deal now. Aww, how cute and sweet!

But then Bak-Anime 2022 happens, in Bakersfield, California, May 21-22, 2022. This is where Farah meets Vic! And they apparently hit it off and become an item! A SEXUAL item!

But, oh no! Vic had never broken up with Haileigh! Haileigh's still posting about her relationship with Vic at Anime Matsuri, which was at the end of July, 2022! UH-OH!

So then Farah has her little Discord chat in December 2022 that got leaked to me later. Farah is saying that Vic has been telling her that he needs to "go back to his ex, to give her closure, because she's been hounding him because she could tell he was talking to another woman". But is it REALLY his ex when he never broke up with her to begin with? But also, he wanted to leave her as an open option, and didn't want their break-up to be permanent???

From what Farah says online later, she and Vic didn't talk for a few weeks while he "gave Haileigh closure", and then there they go, going right back to being in a relationship again! WITHOUT ever breaking up with Haileigh! AGAIN! And this happens up until May, through her harassing me on his behalf, potentially planning my murder (very maybe yes), until I dropped these Discord screenshots. And then SHE decided not to forgive him, and their relationship ended.

So, hey, Vic! Way to leave out the part where your "casual little friend" you had there was a sexual relationship you were having behind your monogamous partner's back, that you told neither Haileigh NOR Farah about before engaging in! Very cool, 60-year-old man guy! COOL!

And, like, come on now. It's kinda fucking sick to do all this lying and manipulative shit to multiple women, and then shame the women involved for being mad that you did that shit to them. Like, if God will just forgive you for everything you do, how dare they not forgive you for being a lying, manipulating piece of shit? Like, if this was just a one-off instance, that'd be one thing. But this is a thing you have been KNOWN for and CAUGHT DOING for DECADES to COUNTLESS WOMEN. But this time you were legitimately caught in 4K. You don't get to just pretend that these are just crazy, lying, vindictive, vengeful bitches, man. We all know. We ALL know!

And to top it all off, the man confirms that he had this relationship (albeit while trying to gaslight his audience into thinking it wasn't all that it actually was), and yet turns around and says elements of the things Farah has been sharing are fake. As a reminder, Farah faked an absolutely abysmal Change.org petition, as well as an abysmally terribly faked "CNN-Anime" article on Medium.com (she wrote my name as Kaylyn Dicksion-Saucedo, and that's not my name--my name is Kaylyn Dalene Saucedo, not using my maiden name, and not hyphenated). I cannot stress enough to you that when Farah fakes things, SHE IS EXTRAORDINARILY BAD AT IT. I ran so much of the stuff she was sharing via Discord and other screenshots since then by so many other people, and we all came to the conclusion that when it came to this, she was absolutely not faking it. Like, it was way too COMPETENT to be faked. Do you understand what I mean? She is not good enough to convincingly fake the important parts of her relationship with Vic that she has been sharing. Top that off with video recordings of phone calls she's had with him (which he confirms in the video are real), and it more than proves that she's been telling the truth about the nature of their relationship. And it's ALSO what makes me that much more able to believe that it's entirely possible they'd had conversations about plotting my death.

This man has repeated the same rhetoric for decades now--that people only say negative things about him because he's famous and his detractors are just looking for attention. DO NOT BELIEVE HIM. Sometimes, when people are trying to warn you, it's because they've seen enough shit and don't want other people to get hurt. That's where we're at right now. At this point, we are not signal boosting these stories because it earns us brownie points within our communities. We do it because we CARE about those communities enough to not want them to get hurt at the hands of some fucking 60-year-old Screamy Broccoli Man narcissist. We earn nothing by spreading the message. As you saw from my longpost, clearly, we get death threats and possibly even future hit jobs put on us! What good does this actually do me in the end?

Just come away from everything you've read with this:

Be safe out there in this community, and let manipulative gaslighting narcissists like this asshole get bent.

[shiawasekai]

For Nela:

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? 

Aaaah, thank you!!! 💕 These are very interesting, let's see...

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

The list would be ridiculously long, she was a known troublemaker even before she intentionally started to cause trouble as a teenager. I did mention before how she often got the kids in her area involved on overly dangerous games, so let's search for another specific example.

Nela had her inquisitive mind even as a child, which means she would often grow terribly curious about the most questionable things. Up to that point, it could be said to be normal child behavior. She would, however, not stop at asking her parents.

Her thirst for answers would lead her to sneak on the local library to get her hands on books otherwise forbidden to someone her age, or improvise "experiments" of her own design. Once or twice she went on her own to the oppossite side of Carpenden entirely in her search for answers, scaring her parents to death who thought she had been kidnapped or gotten in some kind of accident.

They would always plead with her to stop, and even more so to stop involving her brother and/or the other children in the neighbourhood. It never worked.

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

As someone who is very determined to make informed and rational choices (to the point of sometimes trapping herself in logic loops), she would decidedly seek clarification every time. Especially if it's an important matter, she is the kind to have a list of questions prepared by the time you're done talking.

Any situation that would force her to withold her questions would, in fact, actively get on her nerves. Knowing is the wisest choice doesn't make it any more pleasant as far as she's concerned. Politics can be one such circumstances, which she takes just as well as a sour grape. She'll be all smiles during the situation itself and proceed to complain her heart out once she's in private.

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth

Nela herself would say no, she would rather have the unpleasant truth. In most circumstances, she would be right. Her own nature would lead her to seek the truth out anyway sooner than later, so there is little to no point in delaying it as far as she's concerned.

The truth of the matter, and what she doesn't want to admit is... well, she is much more fragile than she believes. There are unpleasant truths she isn't capable of facing outright, and only a certain sense of self-preservation leads her to avoid seeking answers. She'll justify it to herself with apparently rational excuses (the crusades are more important right now, etc), but she is just running away.

A good example is the time slip situation. She starts to realize something is off very soon, as early as act 1 she already has some suspicions even if her memories are still sluggish at places. She proceeds to dodge any chance to get confirmation on her fears, up to actively avoiding any conversation about Andoran with Sosiel (and outright seeking excuses to run away if he tries to bring up her family); because that's not a truth she's ready to face. She only faces it in Act 4 because Areelu's explanation sneaks the information on her.

In fact, even once the truth comes out and even knowing with full certainty what happened, it takes her many years to gather the willpower to return home and visit her parents' graves. She would probably end up forced to do it by Sosiel's wedding.

[talesofsonicasura]

Heartstone Healer

Another Trollhunters AU but with another big twist.

No one knew exactly how it happened but one day a once dead Heartstone had been found fully revived. A phenomenon that steadily began to grow as more regain their beautiful light and soul warming auras. Trolls call this strange occurrence 'The Great Miracle' for many lost homes had become lively once.

A lot of individuals began to look into what cause these Heartstone revivals, each with their own reason. Yet nobody have gotten a single step closer to the truth. Whether it been the work of an unknown individual or lost magic, an answer still hadn't been found.

Until one day Blinkous "Blinky" Galadrigal came across something odd in his library. A small fast figure that zoom about until eventually it hid itself inside a chest. Blinky thought it was a scared whelp at first, softly beckoning the supposed child out from their hiding spot.

What came out hadn't been a troll whelp nor anything the six eyed troll seen before. A peculiar stone creature who unknown to all, might be responsible for the Great Miracle. Or something even greater.

If you are wondering, yep, the strange creature is Jim. Figured why not mess around with a different form for him than just a troll, changeling or half troll/changeling. Species choice for me is a golem specifically the Knack style.

The design fits perfectly for this as Jim definitely looks like a troll yet his peculiar nature overshadows it. Even more so since he can change his size by creating relics, the parts of his body, to become a small kaiju. Jim's smallest or "child form" is around 2'1 but his maximum size is 42 ft! Bigger he is, the more he bears a resemblance to his canon half troll form with a little Beast Jim mixed in. Albeit there are some differences like a tail.

He's quite powerful however the golem has a major weakness. The golden chest orb contains Jim's soul. It taking damage can be fatal but he will die if the item is destroyed. An issue that shall become clear as things continue.

Now there are some major changes when it comes to this AU and Trollhunters canon. Gunmar nor his forces are stuck in the Darklands. They were forced to be an enigmatic tribe who soon take shelter in the US' Badlands where a restored Heartstone is at. Role of Trollhunter is more like a peacekeeping job since there are way more communities than just Arcadia Trollmarket.

Changelings also have their own market and are a more reclusive tribe due to prejudice. They pretend to be lost twins, unknown family members or orphans as a way to gain resources, survive and on rare occasions live amongst humans. Arcadia Trollmarket is neutral territory where no one is allowed to cause a scene unless they handle their issues in a competition. Don't abide by the rules is asking to be ostracized by every community.

Now Jim's behavior tends to reflect his size with small form being a curious little kid and largest as a playful young man. Like any child, you can expect him to get into all kinds of trouble especially when it comes to sneaking out. This is how Jim meets the cast while giving Blinky an aneurysm.

Barbara and Strickler are dating but the avocado hasn't told her about his Changeling nature(probably never will). Little Jim has other plans as guess who strolls up to them on a park date. Toby is the next person who already has Gnome Chompski but been keeping the guy a secret from everyone except Nana.

Claire already has NotEnrique too since he's one of the Changelings looking for a better life. Jim also pays a visit to the Badlands, may have scared Bular shitless and Gunmar might(definitely) wants adopt/kidnap the little guy. Angor Rot pops up too as children tend to find stuff they shouldn't than just stranger interaction. Innocent little kid gives troll assassin his soul back.

Not even Draal, Kanijar and Vendel are escaping a visit. The Old Goat is more curious than the others at what Jim is but already has a feeling he's behind the Great Miracle. Draal decides to be the big brother role model cause he senses the golem is gonna be a force to be reckoned with if trained right. Kanijar is the second person to have an aneurysm as he knows Jim must be a whelp and an unsupervised child scares him shitless.

The Arcane Order also want to spirit him away although Nari is more motherly in her reason. Jim been bringing magic back with each Heartstone revived and they believe he might be able to restore Primordial Heartstones with enough power. A young Titan and maybe even a new god to be.

Blinky is the obvious book dad who wants to teach his new ward everything about troll culture as a whole. Finding out Jim's origins is just a nice bonus. AAARRRGGHH is the chill dad that's most likely to have a certain golem on his back like a koala. He finds the little guy as nice company and likes to play games or just relax with Jim.

Morgana and Merlin are the only characters not trying to adopt Jim. The shadow sorceress isn't imprisoned in the Arcadia Heartstone but instead had most of her magic sealed away. She is steadily getting it back through her assassin, who been doing some dirty work. However Jim threw a wrench in that by giving Angor his soul back.

Merlin wants to stop her for good but the battle also cost him. Douxie been helping him recover until Jim's existence becomes known throughout the wizard community. Merlin believes his power can be what they need to stop Morgana once and for all. Although Douxie doesn't know if his master has no qualm whether Jim dies to perform the task.

In short, practically everyone wants the peculiar golem with most being adoption papers. A fluffy yet chaotic AU chaotic where Jim is as much of a chaos bringer like his canon self but on another level. Plus it be hilarious if this version met his canon counterpart.

Congrats Jimbo, you gotten a younger brother whose an alternate version of yourself! Have fun especially if its during the New Jersey exodus. I might also experiment more on the Heartstone revival concept. That's it for now! Until next time folks, I'll see you back in Arcadia!

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: I'm a 32 years old, poc, male ISTP. Due to the second mentioned factor and living in a closed, rural community, I was a victim to a lot of discrimination in my childhood. Both being hurt, scared and bit of a meathead at that time of my life, I turned to a shadier sides of the town (where people 'accepted' me more). I'll admit it was stupid in itself to even step a foot in that business, but I'll admit I really only stood around and try to look like a doberman (being 6ft and all).

Until, things got out of hand, and in my early adulthood, I actually got tangled in court and went into prison. While I eventually got out, I was feeling so terrible that I didn't return home and decided to stay in the city. Looking back at it, I can't really tell if it was a decision made on whim or something I wanted long time. Cause after while, months going to total years, my contact with my home place eventually lessened till I just completely severed all relationship there.

My mom was a really supportive person, albeit too strongheaded, and my absent dad altogether made me appreciate her all the more. She was a major factor why I felt so ashamed about my entire trial and temporary imprisonment. I won't say my childhood was the best, but I very deeply know she tried all her best to make it tolerable. The entire shady stuff I've been in, that at the time felt belonging, now had felt like I've had undone all her effort. [cont]

----------------------

I'm afraid I didn't receive the rest of your message, so please resend. Although I don't know what your question was, I can still make a few general points that may benefit you and other readers. You're not alone; a lot of people struggle because of a difficult childhood or have trouble reconciling past mistakes.

Throughout childhood and adolescence, your brain is designed to be very open to social influence because it helps you learn efficiently. Human children take a long time to mature compared to other animals, so they need to learn as quickly as possible. One reason humans evolved to be a cooperative and social species was to make it easier to pass crucial survival and cultural information from one generation to the next. The capacity to learn from collective memory and intelligence helped us evolve quickly as a species, but the downside was that negative cultural patterns could become more and more entrenched through each generation, making it difficult to change direction.

Social creatures learn from their social environment. No matter how great your parents are, they alone cannot shield you from all the negative influences of society at large, particularly when it comes to prejudice, discrimination, and hate. Even with maximal parental support, it is very difficult for one person, especially a child, to stand against an entire society that is designed to keep them down.

To learn optimally, kids need more than just parents. They also need good peers to rely on for emotional support, good teachers in school to model the right thinking and behavior, and good mentors from the community for learning how to be a productive member of society. Without enough moral support from the larger social environment, it is more difficult for kids to learn good decision-making skills. This is the meaning behind the common saying that it takes a village to raise a child. But when the village isn't passing down healthy cultural values, children are forced to work with disadvantages that prevent them from realizing their potential and flourishing in life.

Unfortunately, as a young child, your thinking isn't complex enough to understand just how toxic your social environment really is and why. Even if you have some moral instincts about how terrible the people around you are, you don't have any power to change anything, especially when sticking your neck out would risk severe blowback. When the social environment is putting great pressure on you to learn and internalize its toxic values AND your natural inclination as a child is to become a valued member of society, resistance doesn't really register as an option. Who wouldn't take the easier path and try to swim with the current?

Don't call yourself stupid when there were so many forces working against you. You shouldn't be blamed or blame yourself for the conditions of your upbringing that you had no control over. Accidents of birth shouldn't factor into your personal identity since you didn't have any say over them. However, in reality, people do define themselves by accidents of birth and they might waste too many years unconsciously seeking out the things that they felt deprived of in childhood. In this state of arrested development, of always longing for approval or belonging, they readily believe what people say, about who they are and who they should be. Eventually, they learn to be their own harshest critic and hold themselves up to toxic standards and expectations.

To really grow up is to become independent, to have the ability to mentally differentiate oneself from one's social environment enough to understand the importance of personal well-being. It's very hard to make something truly good out of yourself and your life when you don't know how to take care of your own well-being. As you enter young adulthood, the brain finally reaches maturation, and you gradually gain enough self-awareness to reflect and think more critically about yourself and your life. This opens up the possibility of choosing a future that is different than the one your childhood set up for you.

Who are you? Are you just your negative experiences? You will be, if you don't use your self-awareness to understand that how you define your identity is in your hands. You get to choose your beliefs and values and change them as necessary. You get to choose the people you let into your personal life. You get to choose how to respond to bad or difficult situations. You get to choose how to conduct yourself in your daily activities. You get to choose your next steps in life. All of these choices, over a lifetime, reflect who you really are. If at any point in time you don't like who you are, there is always the possibility of choosing a different path and becoming a better person.

You are well into adulthood and it sounds like you've been able to make some sense of your past and put negative events in the right perspective. However, even when people succeed in escaping their negative early childhood environment, it doesn't mean that there aren't some lingering questions and concerns always floating around in the back of the mind. For example:

How much of that environment still exists within you, and are you aware of the aspects that still influence you today?

Have you really made peace with everything that happened, or do you still harbor unresolved feelings and emotions that come out when you're stressed/unhappy?

Have you truly changed and bettered yourself, or would you still lose your way upon reentering a similarly toxic environment?

Was it all bad, or were there some good aspects of the past that you didn't appreciate and/or threw away unfairly and should try to reclaim?

Do you really have a better way of making decisions today, or are you still driven by past influences to either seek approval or enact rebellion over and over again in every new situation, always a victim of larger generational and/or cultural forces?

You mention having unresolved feelings of regret about your mom and how your decisions might have impacted her. When you realize the gravity of the hurt you've caused someone, the best you can do is try to make amends by expressing to them how genuinely sorry you are and empathizing with their suffering. You can also try to make up for mistakes by finding some way to compensate for hurt or damages caused to them, with their consent and agreement. Whether they can forgive you and resolve their feelings about the past is their business and not for you to control. In some cases, if the person you're trying to make amends with is no longer around or refuses to have contact with you, you have to find a way to forgive yourself.

Forgiving yourself involves addressing those lingering questions and concerns honestly. Are you truly sorry and repentant for your past mistakes? Have you understood why you made those poor decisions, learned the right lessons from them, and now live your life in a way that honors rather than repeats your past? Have you done something to make up for the mistakes you made, for example, through acts of service and devotion? Even when you can't obtain forgiveness from other people, you can come to forgive yourself by taking your negative past and transforming it into something positive, something that expresses the positive aspects of you and contributes something positive to the world around you. In this way, you take the lead to define who you are, rather than letting the past define you.

Maybe the guilt/regret never goes away completely, but maybe it shouldn't, because it has a job to do. Every part of you serves a purpose and should be properly understood and loved. The guilt/regret could serve as a reminder to choose carefully when you're at your low points and at risk of repeating past mistakes. Perhaps the guilt/regret is really your mom's voice in disguise and you were only able to hear it once you faced up to the past bravely. If that's the case, fully embracing the guilt/regret would be a good way to keep her love close to your heart, like a caring companion guiding you to live your life well.

[xexiar]

God! I’m currently working on explaining this blasphemy!

First read around I understood why and thought it was entertaining. But going back on it, this was unnecessary. It’s causing more harm than good. It paints him as a wild animal that can’t be control.

Sure, it comes back to the whole kidnapping by villains. But like, it’s a teenager! And he’s being showcased in a major event that he’s not stable.

So of course nobody should have been surprised that he got kidnapped. Especially when making it clear as day that not even trained heroes know what to do with him.

Which makes his character even more amazing and inspiring. Because, here’s a child who’s put in the spotlight both good and bad. A child who has to constantly be pressured to be “perfect”. But same time people sees him as a monster. The society itself doesn’t see him as a person but as a weapon.

And the whole thing about Best Jeanist being a hero that “conforms” “trouble youths” always hit a nerve with me. Constantly trying to push ideals onto a child to fit into society.

Deku has the obvious being rejected by society for being quirkless. There’s the whole “victim” who eventually stands up for himself.

But there’s nothing like having your every move judge at every waking moment. To have grownups question your every thought. Where how easily you can be seen as a villain if you break an unspoken rule.

It really does hurt to see him go through all that. But I enjoy the few moments where he explores who he truly is as a person. He’s caring, encouraging, hard working to get what he wants. He’s also very friendly.

Then we also get to witness that he doesn’t know many society acceptable behaviors for kids his age. Like activities and gestures that boys his age tend to do. He’s very isolated.

For example: many people when meeting me and knowing my story say that I’m “a shelter child” all because I don’t understand or know common things that people outside my situation knows. I didn’t know there was a thing called Comic Con until college. A lot of my peers were shocked that I didn’t even know that or common events within my own city. I grew up in NYC but know absolutely nothing about it. A lot of people are shocked at the fact I don’t have a common accent to tell what part of NY I’m from. I never knew about the Nintendo or Dinsey store. I basically only ever knew about the outside world was through the internet or documentaries.

So I understand and see the same signs in Katsuki. Of course he doesn’t agree with not using his quirk in public, because everyone always telling him how amazing his quirk is. So he shows it off to hopefully get praised for doing good. The few times he seems to have a social life is with people that lives within walking distance from school to home. He does not travel. He does not know anything outside of his bubble.

Katsuki is basically a “shelter child”. I hate that term. So while going through UA his bubble grows. Izuku isn’t just a childhood friend he has mixed emotions about growing up. Izuku is also like a comfort blanket for Katsuki. Izuku is someone he knows, so it’s easier to go to him when something is wrong.

And as Katsuki has a person, he’s also learning knew things. His bubble is no longer small. It gets to where he doesn’t seek comfort from Izuku, that’s where I believe is when he starts to try to understand his emotions. Like why go to someone who no longer serve their original purpose? I think Katsuki then gets hits with a realization that his life feels empty.

He finally has “friends” and is getting comfortable with himself. He starts trying to make amends for past actions. There’s a borderline between obsession due to that’s the only thing you know and relearning an emotion that was always there.

I’ll use myself as an example for that part. I didn’t I liked girls the way I know now to be. I fought with myself the whole time. Thinking how “we’re just friends” to justify my actions. Always agreeing with my female “friend”, giving her gifts, even giving flowers and calling her pretty. She thought I was weird. Then later in life when I finally understood myself more and my emotions, I learned this “friend” feeling was actually a crush.

Hence why I love the idea of Katsuki coming to terms with himself and eventually realizing he always had a crush on Izuku. And then having those emotions grow but trying harder than ever to bury them. It’s so poetic. Now with this new volume I’m super excited to see if he will finally confess. After all, he is Katsuki Bakugo and he always has to be first.

… SHIT! Lol I rambled lol 😂 I’m not editing or taking this down. Either way, oops 😅

[deviantartdramahub]

9 notes

Okie, about time I talk about this biggie.

So first things first, I'll be responsible and admit some mistakes, It turns out Tam was only identifying as NB for pride month. Idk and I don't think he knows what they really are yet, but still, don't try to dictate him DADramaNow, as they now know and understand after I explained it to him. However, they told me in chat that he wants to use both he/him, and they/them pronouns, so actually respect those this time unlike this bullshit here -> 1 note (Just bc you put their correct at the time pronouns in parenthesis next to his at the time dead pronouns, doesn't make you any less in the wrong, you moronic cop-out.)

Also I acknowledge that they probably shouldn't use Google Translate as the only way to speak other languages, and should get actual knowledge from his parents. But don't think it gives you an excuse to attack them, alright?

Tam is still a great friend of mine who I care about deeply. And if I ever have to, I'll protect him.

Anyways let's get into the parts where YOU'RE in the wrong!! :)

So for the first reason about Club, oh I created a whole post here that proves you attacking him is just ableism!! :D

-> https://www.tumblr.com/deviantartdramahub/728512331840143360/so-dadramanow-youre-not-just-attacking-club?source=share

And yeah he's just trying to talk to people. He doesn't pressure them at all. "It is NOT Club’s job, nor is is he even qualified to teach other people, ESPECIALLY young minors about changing diapers of disabled people." He doesn't pretend to be a professional, he's just informing others in a fun way. You don't have to have a degree on something to be knowledgeable about it. And as a guy with autism and obviously knows what it's like, he's a good source of it. "Not to mention that his Eduard character is 9 years old and uses baby talk." He doesn't do "baby talk", he's just mostly non verbal. Ooh, making fun of non-verbal autistic people are we?? Thanks for more proof this is just ableism <3

"If you knew even the bit slightest thing about people with disabilities" Lol that's rich, I myself have autism, you twit. "Honestly, would you want a grown adult 20+ asking/saying to you a young teenaged woman things such as “Would like a widdle cookie, sweetie pie?” or “Let’s go upsiy daisy, boo boo!” or “Do you have to go potty, honey bear?” ? No, you wouldn’t, because it’s weird and makes you uncomfortable." Yeah, I DO in fact hate it, so how about your whole ass group stops talking down to me, thanks?? "If you knew anything, or even cared to do as much research as you do defending Club, you would know that not all grooming is sexual in nature!"

...

"you would know that not all grooming is sexual in nature!" ...

Okay, so I agree with that statement on it's own but...IS CLUB'S THING A SEXUAL FETISH OR NOT??! If you're going to harass and make up slander about people, AT LEAST KEEP YOUR GODDAMN STORIES STRAIGHT!!! This itself is huge proof these guys are full of shit and the whole Club drama is based on lies.

"Do you recall Tam drawing his teenaged persona KISSING Eduard who is age 9?" Not to throw my friend Tam under the bus of course sense he learned and matured since then and now knows better, but...HOW THE HELL IS THAT CLUB'S FAULT??! HE DIDN'T WANT THAT! "Plus, it he’s so innocent, why do comments, journals, and accounts of being victims from multiple users such these exist" Bc those are people just like you who want to cause rumor-spreading and trouble.

Now for the second one with my transphobic claim. Here's the quote I want to talk about in that section: "Tam is being silly, because that’s what kids do, and as the older one between the two of you, YOU should be educating him, not supporting bad behavior." Excuse me, but didn't you get pissed bc Club encourages older siblings to help out a little bit? And now you're over here straight up trying to force me to be a caretaker of my fucking friend. Same with this quote in the third section -> "This is an insult to his people, and AGAIN, YOU SHOULD BE EDUCATING TAM INSTEAD OF ENCOURAGING THIS BEHAVIOR!" I'm a 15 year old teenage girl, DADramaNow, NOT A FUCKING TEACHER! I'd be happy to teach my friend things but you can't yell at Club for educating and encouraging people to help others, then turn around and yell at me for not mothering my fucking friend.

LMAO AND THEN WE HAVE THE 4TH SECTION, WHICH IS LITERALLY JUST "Honestly speaking, you are only saying this because you are scared of Tri doxxing and harassing you like she did before. Tri is well known for doxxing, grooming, harassing others who disagree with her and Club, hacking accounts, defending Club’s grooming, and you know it." And no, you using her correct pronouns doesn't take you off the hook.

I absolutely just fucking love how they didn't even try to justify themselves in that one, and just resorted to threats but used two other people for the threats so they can pathetically escape looking like the bad guy. Honey please if you're gonna go down that route, at least grow some balls and spew threats of what YOU'LL do, instead of constantly throwing people under the bus as you cower in fear of the consequences of your actions. Grow up for the love of God.

And it's also funny how you tell me to learn to read when I told you to do the same thing when you ignored my proof and continued saying I wanted to date a FULL GROWN MAN.

Anyways sorry for this long one Tri, but it was necessary.

That’s alright. Basically what I said in the reply here. As I mention often, one can tell things are getting cliquey by people betraying what they say. You’re right, it’s not like Tam or Club are breaking any rules, that and Tam can identify how he wants. There is no such thing as a fake identity no matter how it alternates.

[ribcage-rodents]

Chapter one: A HP Rip Off

 The first week of school was always the worst, for Persephone moving to the larger junior high meant a longer walk back to the orphanage. She had never been fond of school, seen as a freak by the other kids and a fire-starter by the teachers. Although this year Persephone had completed the first full week without getting detention, a new record since second grade. At least Mrs. Hamphrey will be surprised she didn’t get in trouble yet. Persephone quickened her pace as she passed the Robinson house, they were an older couple with a big vicious dog. It always barked when she walked past. Today was no different, the dog threw itself against the fence as she passed, the fence creaked, Persephone tried to ignore it but the horrid sound of splitting wood caused her to break into a run.

The dog chased her through the streets. Animals, especially dogs, always seemed to hate Persephone, crows stalked her and rats flocked to her room. The smell of smoke filled the air as she broke through the orphanage gate, the sounds of deep barks transferring into painful whimpers, Persephone already knew what she’d see when she turned around. The dog cried as flames licked at its fur, it let out one last scream before exploding on the porch.

A yell came from the orphanage, Mrs. Hamphrey stood in the second floor window scandalized at the mess. “So much for not getting in trouble,” A burning dog would be a frightening unusual occurrence for most people but Persephone was different. Strange things followed her like a wildfire and had landed her in juvie more than once, whether it’s the school computer lab burning down or smoke filling her room.

Persephone tried to sneak past Mrs. Hamphrey but to no avail the awful woman caught her the minute she stepped foot into the orphanage. “Miss Thysia, would you please come into my office.” Her voice was strained, a key indicator that Perseohone was in deep trouble. The office was small and beige decorated with cross stitching works and few family photos. Persephone sat in one of the two small chairs opposite the desk. Mrs. Hamphrey’s face was red. “In all my years of working with orphans I’ve seen some truly appalling behavior but nothing could have prepared me for you. I’ve heard of delinquents killing cats but blowing up a dog is inconceivable. Between you burning down the computer lab and that time you boiled the tanks at the aquarium I’m afraid that you are too troubled for our facility. We’ve tried juvie and it obviously didn’t help. I believe we are going to have to send you to a specialist nature center, I am calling the trip organizer the minute you leave my office. You will leave as soon as possible so I suggest you pack up your things.” Numbly Persephone left the office, usually she worked to defend herself but it was obvious that Mrs. Hamphrey wouldn’t hear a word of it. The Nature Center is essentially a death sentence for kids, the ones that return are completely stripped of their personality. Persephone was going to pack her things but not for the Nature Center but to run away, there was no way she was being shipped off to that facility.

As she entered her room it was devoid of her roommates, she preferred it that way. They were all scared of her just because she’s caught the room on fire a few times. A green-wax sealed envelope sat on her bed. 

To Persephone, Wisteria Castle Orphanage

Cleasaíocht agus Draíocht,

The Twenty-ninth of August

Dear Persephone Thysia

We hope this letter finds you in good health as we cordially invite you to attend the Cleasaíocht agus Draíocht. Please board the 413 train to the fairy ring gardens. We eagerly await you.

Sincerely,

Esus Glindor

 It was an oddly vague letter with a few dollars inside for a train ticket. “This is probably a stupid prank,” She thought but it was a way out, she could buy a train ticket and ride as far away as possible. The short walk to the train station was bitter cold, Persephone shivered in her light jacket. The train was filled with tired students and desolate workers; there were no other eleven year olds with moderately empty bags. 

She chose the caboose car, it was relatively clear except for a few other passengers. Over the next day it emptied, pardon one other student entered the cart. “Oh,” She had never seen anyone who looked that extravagant, with a dark green silk dress with pink floral embroidery and a matching scarf wrapped around her head. But most extraordinary was the curtains of thick lilac hair pooling over shoulders and down her back. Persephone blinked the jealousy of fancy clothes and expensive hair stylists away. “Uh, hi I’m Persephone,” Deep indigo eyes took her in, making her immediately aware of her shabby hand-me-downs and frizzy hair. “Hello,” She spoke in an odd lilting accent, “My name is Andromeda Von Etoile,” “Jesus, even her name is fancy,” Persephone moved to load her single bag into the overhead bin but tripped on the cuff of her too long jeans, Andromeda smiled slyly.



The cart was filled with uncomfortable silence until the next stop when three more students filed in. A horse-faced girl sneered at Andromeda as she helped a short round girl push her bags into the overhead bin. Persephone could sympathize with her envy. The girl pushed her own bag to the ground to free up space for a quiet chubby boy with a mop of dark hair that hung in an unattractive wreath around his head; he chose to sit next to Andromeda regardless. Clearing her throat Persephone worked up the courage to introduce herself again, “I’m Persephone,” “Carmine Ketchem,” The horse-faced girl said. “Hera MacAlasdair,” Added the round girl in a chippy brogue pushing honey corkscrew curls behind her ear. All eyes moved to the quiet boy, “Uh, Alfred Redl Renner,” His voice was as timid as he looked. “Andromeda Von-” Carmine cut her off with a snort, “Musha, I’m surprised you can even say your entire name with all the air you use up being a blowhard,”



Andromeda’s eyes turned icy as she spoke “And I’m surprised that you can stand upright under the weight of that ego.” Tension stretched until Hera spoke up, “I wonder who we’ll be shackin’ with,” She seemed the type to take control of a situation almost like a motherly figure. “We share rooms? With how many people?” Andromeda asked. “You didn’t know?” It was the timid boy, she looked into his sad, downward-sloping eyes, they were a little too far apart, it made him look strange like an alien. “Garish kids like you probably bribe the board for private housing,” Carmine jabbed at the same time Hera spoke up, “Usually about four,” Andromeda nodded.



The last of the common passengers filed off as the conductor announced the next stop to be the Fairy Ring Gardens. A cruel smile crawled over Carmine’s face, “You realize the school is all the way up in the Hillas right, we have to stay in sleeper cars for the night,” Andromeda looked as if this information was as interesting as the morning weather report but nevertheless turned unusually pale.



The rest of the trip continued with idle chatter from the three girls, the timid boy sat with downcast eyes and fiddling hands. Andromeda watched the world pass by through a crack in the curtains. At the stroke of eight the conductor called for light out. “Who’re bunkin’ with?” Andromeda froze under the sudden attention, “Oh please garish type don’t share, I’m surprised you don’t have a servant here to load on your princess bed,” She turned sharp eyes to Carmine, desperate to prove her authority, “Well I’m sure you wouldn’t mind sharing after all doesn’t your family all pile on the stained mattress in your one room hovel like a pack of stray dogs,”



“Alright, lets-” Carmine cut Hera off, eyes flashing dangerously. “Did you just call my family a bunch of urchins?” “Well you have the mange of one,” “That’s it!” Carmine snarled. Andromeda squared her shoulders and bent her knees but between Carmine’s fury and Hera’s protests the squeaky wheels of the refreshment cart warned them to act docile.



“What’s going on in here!?” He was a tall, lanky man, only a year or so post graduation. “Nothing sir!” Hera spoke though it was obviously a lie from Carmine’s red-faced fury. His tired eyes moved from one passenger to the next, he shoved a hand into his pocket. “S’alright.” He didn’t offer any food or drink but the tension in the car seemed to leave with him. 

Persephone had idly thought of telling him the truth, but causing unnecessary trouble wasn’t worth it, instead she turned towards Hera. “Why didn’t you turn them in?” “They are both volatile in different ways, I don’t want to be on the bad side of either,” She spoke as if the answer was obvious which Persephone didn’t appreciate.



“I will share a bench with someone, or I will even sleep on the floor,” Hera proposed. The night continued without incident. The first several moments felt suffocating. “Do you think someone is gonna be haunted this year?” Andromeda rolled over at the grating sound of Carmine’s voice. “Why would anyone be haunted?” Silence followed Persephone’s question. Carmine eventually spoke, her voice eerily dramatized, “Decades ago our school was a hospital for sick witches and victims of witch-hunts on account of the healing water. Hundreds of people died and it’s said that the evil Abbadon was raising a dead army when he was vanquished.” “Do you think they might possess a student to achieve revenge?” Alfred’s soft voice wavered in fear. “What are you still doing here?! Boys and girls can’t share rooms!” Hera yelped, Alfred in turn sheepishly gathered his carry-on and left into the dark hallway.



“I hope I’m not haunted..,” Persephone admitted, “Don’t worry they go after the garish type not halflings or changelings” Carmine said at the same time Andromeda snorted. They shared a glare. Persephone didn’t understand any of the terms they used but she didn’t feel like getting patronized by Hera again so she kept her mouth shut. “How can you not believe in ghosts? I mean look at the world we live in,” Andromeda raised one brow to Hera’s question, “I’m intelligent,” Carmine’s temper boiled over again. “You spoiled garish rat! You think you are so much better than everyone else just because your parents are rich!” In response she merely smiled and rolled to face the window a quote echoed through the car.“‘The man that squanders life away in decrepit darkness hunting the damned is one that craves the companionship of mottled flesh and sunken eyes for he has no vibrant joy among the living.’ Sir Arthur Decorum, The Tiresom of Men, 1829.

When the train finally stopped the sun had painted the sky pink and orange. When Persephone woke up Andromeda’s bench was empty. The students slipped off the train with their bags in toe. As a group they wandered from the train platform into the surrounding woods. Early morning dew drops collected on their shoes as they neared a large circle made of white mushrooms. Slowly the students began to dance, Persephone joined them. 

A gentle tingling sensation started at her fingertips and the souls of her shoes and slowly traveled up her body. The sunlit woods started to fade around her, falling into a blur of green and brown until like Christmas lights red mushroom caps painted a circle around them and the world refocused. It was suddenly colder and the woods around them were far thicker.



“Are you ok?” Persephone turned to find a warm smile and kind eyes. “Usually changelings are kinda weirded out their first time here,” “Uh-” Persephone eloquently responded. “Oh sorry, I don’t mean to confuse you, uh your parents weren’t good folk right?” Persephone ignored his question in favor of her own. “What is going on here!? Why does everyone have such colorful hair and what’s wrong with your ears! How’d we get here!?” She panicked.

“Oh right, you’re probably pretty confused. We are good folk.” Persephone stared at the green haired boy. “Good folk as in fairies and leprechauns and druids?!” He nodded. “Yup, we are fairies, I’m a full fae that’s why my hair is green and my ears are pointed. You got a bit of unnatural red in your hair. Are you sure one of your patients isn’t a good folk?” Persephone grimaced. “My parents are dead.” He blanched embarrassed.

“Is it possible one of my parents could have been a faerie?” Persephone shook the thought from her head, there was no way. “There would have been signs if I was magic.” “I am not part of the fae I need to leave.” She said heading back towards the fairy ring or mushrooms. “Wait! You have to at least be a changeling if you were able to make the fairy ring work, you have to be magic to get here.” Persephone shook her head. “I don’t know what a changeling is but I promise you I am not one. I don’t belong here, this was a mistake.” The boy grabbed her arm. “A changeling is a faerie with human parents, I think you are a halfling on the count of your hair, both fae and human parents. Plus you do belong here, come into the school at least, if it was a mistake one of the teachers will be able to tell.” The boy dragged her along with the other students up to a jagged cliff side. An older faerie pulled against the rock face opening a secret door leading to a splendid interior.

Persephone held tight to her bag while the other students dumped theirs in a pile by the doorway. She took in the extravagant architecture and indoor waterfalls. She watched as staircases rotated from landing to landing lazily, several of the hallways were made of water, they didn’t seem to flow freely but were tranquil like an aquarium and yet fish seemed to jump through the surface.

Her admiration was interrupted by a man dressed in splendid crushed velvet navy robes appearing before them, three professors at his sides. Silver stars danced across his robes as he spoke. “Welcome students to the School of Cleasaíocht agus Draíocht! Or more simply known Cad! We are in for a wonderful year of music, dance, festivities, competitions, and of course magic!” A round of whooping and applause filled the cramped room. “But first we must get you accustomed to your rooms.”

A woman in burgundy who perfectly embodied the fairy-tale evil witch, stepped forward, “Alright, you’ve had your fun now let's get you settled in,” She called on all years seven through five then turned on her heel and began to march towards the nearest staircase, a gaggle of students followed after their teacher. The next Professor was charged with fourth and third, she was dressed in blue. Her voice was as stern as her face, the students followed without argument or fanfare. Finally the last teacher, a thin sallow man in indigo robes. He simply motioned forward the remaining students with a sneer.

Persephone stood in place trying to find the door so she could leave. The older man gently tapped her on the shoulder, “There will be plenty of time to admire the school later my dear for now you must find your room ” He said with a wink. “There;s been a mistake, sir, I don’t belong here.” She said hoping he wouldn’t be mad. Instead he smiled brightly. “Quite the contrary my dear you are the most important student here.” Persephone stared at him shocked. “Why don’t you come to my office?”

She followed the older man through the exquisite school to a round room filled with magical trinkets and a large oak desk. “I have the rare power of divination power. I have premonitions.” He stood motioning to a large crystal ball sitting on a pedestal along the edge of the room. “You see the future is fluid, it can easily change depending on any miniscule decision one person makes. I saw one possible future and millions of hypothetical courses it could take, you stood out to me. I knew that I needed to keep you safe until I could get you to our school, now that you are here we can work together to stop the unseelie from taking power.” Dark smoke swirled in the crystal ball, slowly forming the mask of a devil-faced-man. “You see there are two courts in the faerie world, the seelie court and the unseelie court. The seelie court understands the importance of humans in our world but the unseelie wants to destroy all human life including changelings and halflings. They believe that humans diminish the faerie power. Their leader was vanquished by me but it opened up to a greater much more powerful threat, one that resides inside our school. I have reason to believe this to be Andromeda Von Etoile, her family is from the Glades. Her mother’s side of the family, the Bludstones have been almost completely stripped of all power after the last uprising due to their involvement with the unseelie court but her father’s side, the Etoiles have never been proven to be in league with the unseelie but it’s highly expected.”

Sir Glindor met her eyes seriously, “You are the light, the savior of the world. “I’m the savior?” Sir Glindor nodded gravely, “If you choose to be,” Like most children Persephone harbored a fantasy where she starred as the chosen one in a fantastical world but now that a destiny had been dropped at her feet she felt sick. Sir Glindor walked her towards the first year housing.

The common room was dark with walls showcasing the bottom of the murky lake. The rooms were not much different except there were no roaring fires to warm or lighten. Persephone was assigned room 202, she met with Carmine, Hera and a pale girl named Etain inside, each one already picking out their bed. 

The rest of the day was filled with idle chatter and card games. Carmine remained abrasive but Persephone began to enjoy spending time with her roommates. Dinner came quickly and they ventured to the dining hall, a spacious room filled with circular tables both on the ground and sprouting from the walls like mushrooms on trees. Although the spread was extravagant Persephone found herself not very hungry, too consumed with this new world, her new destiny. 

Sleep was not easy to find, still feeling like an intruder at this magical school and stressed over her meeting with Sir Glindor, yet eventually she did doze off. She woke up in a different room, this one was round and made of rotting wood. A bubbling cauldron was in the middle of the room, a tall man stood behind it stirring it almost lovingly. In place of a face he wore a devil's mask with a wide smile. He stared right at her, silently. As he stirred the cauldron it’s green flame spread across the floor licking at the walls. Persephone struggled to get away, the piercing scream of her mother filling her ears.

She sprang up from her bed. Taking a few deep breaths Persephone crept from the room, phantom burns seared into her legs, her plan was to calm down in the common room but the fires were suddenly no longer comforting but rather smothering. In a moment close to panic she left. She followed a small blue fish through the hallways as it swam.“If I can’t sleep maybe I can at least explore the school a little bit,” The winding hallways and rotating staircases took her deep into the school though she didn’t care much of getting lost merely trying to drive the dream from her mind.

As she reached a new hallway a noise alerted her to someone else. A shadowy figure lurked behind a statue of a hag, Persephone half expected the monstrous man from her dream to come lurching from the darkness but instead there was a flick of periwinkle hair. “Andromeda! I knew she was up to something.” Taking a deep breath to gather her bravery Persephone stepped forward. “What are you doing out here?” But there was no reply, carefully she crept forward but once she reached the hag Andromeda had disappeared.

[psychiatristind]

Childhood Schizophrenia Causes

Schizophrenia in Children:

Learning your kid has schizophrenia, or believing your child has it, may be overwhelming and frightening. However, early detection and treatment are critical in controlling symptoms and improving your child's long-term prognosis.

Schizophrenia is a mental disease in which people interpret reality incorrectly. It is characterized by a variety of cognitive, emotional, and behavioral issues that hinder a child's capacity to function.

The symptoms, aetiology, and prevalence of schizophrenia in children are discussed in this article. It also discusses how the condition manifests in children, the potential therapies, and what parents can do to assist their children manage.

Schizophrenia Prevalence in Children

The disease generally manifests itself between the late teens and the mid-thirties. The peak age of onset for males is early twenties and late twenties for females; however it can occur at any age. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, schizophrenia affects between 0.25% and 0.64% of people.

Childhood schizophrenia, defined by beginning before the age of 13, affects just one in every 40,000 children. Childhood schizophrenia involves unique diagnostic and treatment issues. Consult the Best Psychiatrist for best schizophrenia treatment in Indore.

Childhood Schizophrenia Causes

Scientists have not identified a single cause of schizophrenia. Multiple genetic and environmental variables are thought to be involved:

Genetic factors: Studies on families, twins, and adoptions all point to a major hereditary component in schizophrenia. Parents of children with schizophrenia are ten times more likely to acquire schizophrenia themselves. If one identical twin has the condition, the other twin has a 40% chance of developing it as well.

Environmental factors:  There may be certain environmental variables that contribute to schizophrenia in youngsters, especially if genetic components are already present. Prenatal infections, obstetric difficulties, and maternal malnutrition all have the potential to play a role.

Schizophrenia Symptoms in Children

Children with schizophrenia have been observed to experience hallucinations, thinking dysfunction, and flattened emotion. Delusions and catatonic symptoms are less common.

Childhood schizophrenia is frequently accompanied with developmental deficits. Cognitive decline is common during the outset of schizophrenia, although after the first drop; intellectual deficiencies tend to remain stable rather than worsening.

Early Warning Signs

In younger children, schizophrenia might be more difficult to diagnose. Early indications of the illness in children might include:

Abrasive behavior

Weird speech

Confusion of reality with imagination, dreams, or television

Having trouble sleeping

Problems with hygiene or self-care

Mood swings

Absence of emotion

Inadequate motivation

Problems with reasoning

Strange phobias

Are you searching for the psychiatrist in Indore?  Visit Dr. Rathi’s Mind Centre, they provide excellent services for mood disorders.

[cozymoko]

Hello :) I was wondering if I could make a not so interesting request and I hope you don't mind 😅 So, like reader has kids with yanderes Tanjiro, Naruto and Yoriichi (Separate) and you can decide the genders and number of kids they have and stuff. Lol you can even make them yanderes too and how would the whole family react to one of reader's friends constantly pursuing reader's love and when reader tells them that she's married and has kids, the lil shit is like "It's all right, just divorce them'' I have a feeling no one will be taking this lightly.....

Note: I would write for this Yoriichi but I have no idea who that is. But I decided on platonic yandere kids.

TANJIRO KAMADO

⛩️ Tanjiro froze, the multiple items in his hands slowly commencing to slip from his grasp. His mouth was slightly agape as those six words replayed in his head. What if you did leave him, left him to enjoy another man? His affection, his lust that couldn't possibly compare to his devotion to you. You wouldn't right? You'd never do such a thing — you live him!

⛩️ How he found out about this? It's simple, your mischievous triplets, always looking to cause trouble. They caught that pesky man in the act on a peaceful walk home with you. They were no better than him, harboring an immense amount of admiration for you. However, I digress, it could be worse.

⛩️ Tanjiro never wants to taint his hands with the blood of the innocent. Even with his admiration, his commitment to you, that's asking for too much. The hate he has for that man is more than apparent, but he has yet to cause you harm. There's no true reason for him to retaliate.

⛩️ "{Name} won't leave me, not a chance! Especially for someone like you!" As mentioned, he's not willing to kill him, but that doesn't exempt him from getting headbutted. If he steps closer to you then that's what he'll receive.

NARUTO UZUMAKI

🍜 Living with Naruto is a struggle in itself. But having kids who take after him was even worse. From behavior to looks, they were his twins, both of them. Clinging to your side and begging for your attention whenever they can, much like their father. I can already see your sanity slipping through your fingers.

🍜 When Naruto heard him say such a thing, he was shocked. It was almost as though he wasn't there, holding your hand, having a genuine conversation with you. Just a meaningless shadow. Not to mention the joyful kids running around at your feet. The situation was quite obvious. The ring on your finger spoke volumes.

🍜 Naruto would never kill anyone without good reasoning. That's not in his nature. Sure he may threaten them, order them to stay away but that's it. In that way, he and Tanjiro are alike . Many people are scared of him as is, thus he'll use that to the best of his abilities.

🍜 "Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" As well all know, Naruto isn't one to hold his tongue. So expect a full-on screaming match between him and your harasser. Though I doubt the man could truly fight back against the shinobi, he is quite loud.

[lynnswritings]

Meet the Family

Eddie Munson x Fem!reader

Warnings: Angst, tw abuse mention, lots of tears

Word Count: 2.2k

Wayne Munson was a hero in your book. Taking in Eddie, giving him a home, a safe space to be himself. He was the reason that Eddie had turned out the way he did. A point which you made when you were invited to the Munson’s for dinner one night. 

Eddie had wanted you to meet his uncle for a while now, but the timing was never quite right. Either Wayne had picked up an extra shift or you were busy with extra curriculars, babysitting, or school work. So when the time finally came for you to meet Eddie’s only family, you were beyond nervous. You wanted to make a good impression, you wanted Wayne to like you. Eddie constantly reassured you that his uncle did.

“You’ll be just fine! Honestly, he’s probably more nervous than you are right now. Wayne’s gotta be relieved because he won’t have to hear me talk about you, you’ll be right with me.” You could hear the smile that you knew was on his face as you pulled up to the trailer that Eddie called home.

“You’ve told him about me?”

“How could I not? You’re my girl, I’m always gonna talk about you,” His hand reached over to where your hands rested in your lap, grabbing the one closest to him, causing you to look up at him.

“I love you, and Wayne’s gonna love you too sweetheart, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. That’s my girlfriend you’re being mean to y’know.”

“Okay, lover boy. Let’s get inside before you start getting too mushy.”

With that Eddie launched himself out of the van and around to your side, opening the door before you could reach for the handle, and offering one of his hands to you, helping you step out of the van.

You laughed at his antics, “Someone’s on their best behavior today.”

There was a grin on Eddie’s face, one that you knew meant he was really trying. Whether that meant trying to be a good boyfriend, or to prove to his uncle that he was, you couldn’t tell, but it did make you smile up at him as he led you to one of the doors and into the trailer.

Upon entering the small home, you could immediately smell garlic and tomatoes. 

A voice made itself known in the kitchen, “I was wond’rin’ when you two love birds would show up. Spaghetti for dinner. I hope that’s okay with you,” and there in the kitchen was who you could only guess was Wayne Munson, Eddie’s uncle.

Eddie had a hand resting on your lower back as he responded, “Yeah, that’s fine. Uhh… s-so Wayne, this is my um, my girl-girlfriend, (y/n).”

You had never seen Eddie this nervous, ever. It never occurred to you that he could be nervous. Especially about something like this. You had expected Eddie to walk right in and boast about you, not stand there stuttering over his words like a little kid that had just gotten in trouble.

You decided to bring the attention to yourself with a quick and polite: “Hi Mr. Munson.”

Wayne had looked at you then, “Darlin’ you can just call me Wayne, none of that formal stuff matters much to me.”

“Oh, okay. Um… thank you for having me, then.”

Wayne laughed, “are you kiddin’ me? Ed wouldn’ve shut up about ya if I didn’t.”

You laughed, knowing that Wayne was telling the truth. You looked towards Eddie wanting to see his reaction, his head was hanging and you could see a blush starting to form on his face. 

“Wayne c’mon, really?” Eddie complained.

“Son, I’ve had to listen to you talk about this young lady for too damn long, any longer and I might’ve lost my damn mind. Now c’mon and eat, food’s gonna get cold.”

After a quiet dinner the three of you were still sitting at the small dining table, talking about whatever you could think of. Eddie had gotten up from the table, saying he needed to use the bathroom.

Silence fell over you and Wayne when you spoke up, “Mr. Mu- I mean, Wayne?”

“Mhm?” 

“I just wanted to let you know that… Eddie wouldn’t be the person he is today if it wasn’t for you. I don’t know how he ended up with you instead of being raised by his parents, but I know that if he had stayed with them… he wouldn’t be the Eddie I know now. He’s such a gentleman and so polite, always making sure that I’m okay. And he gets that from you, I can tell.”

You could just barely see the tears in Wayne’s eyes when he spoke up, “It hasn’t been easy for him, for either of us really. His daddy, my brother, was a drunk. Abusive as hell toward Ed’s momma, and one night,” he took a shaky breath, “One night, he took it too far. She ended up in a coma, Ed… he tried to stop him, got a big ol’ bruise right across his face from where his daddy hit him. I was called, and when I got to the house there were police everywhere, Ed was sitting in the back of one car. They had already taken my brother to the station. Suddenly I was raising a four year old boy on my own. We visited his momma whenever we could, one night we had come to visit, the doctors had stopped us before we could walk in. She had passed away, Ed was ‘bout six then? I never thought I would see that boy smile again. It took him a while, a damn long while. And now I see him all grown up, with a wonderful young lady that he won’t shut up about, and I know that I raised him right. I know his momma would be proud of that boy. And I hope to God he never has to see his daddy, because that bastard don’t deserve to see how much that boy has changed. He doesn’t deserve to even know Ed. As far as I’m concerned he’s my son, and I’d do anything for that kid.”

Both you and Wayne were crying, tears streaming down your faces. You looked up past Wayne, Eddie was standing there in the hallway. You didn’t know how much he heard, apparently most, if not all of it. He walked over, standing behind his uncle, leaned down and wrapped his arms around the older man, burying his face in Wayne’s shoulder.

You could barely hear when Eddie spoke, “I love you old man, I don’t show it often, let alone say it. I have no idea where I’d be right now if it wasn’t for you.”

The two parted, Eddie looked at you quickly before averting his gaze and staring at the floor. You stood, walking over to him and placing your hands on his cheeks, tilting his head up so you could look into his eyes. Without saying anything you leaned forward, closing your eyes as Eddie’s lips met yours in a slow, tender kiss. As if kissing any other way would break the long haired man into a thousand little pieces.

You moved your face away from his, looking into his eyes again, you could see the love he held for you being brought to the surface.

Wayne cleared his throat, causing you and Eddie to step away from each other. Evidently, during your little makeout session, the older man had grabbed a photo album and set it down on the table.

Eddie’s eyes went wide, “Wayne, please don’t do this, not tonight.”

Wayne didn’t listen as he opened the book motioning for you to sit down and look at the photos. When you did, you were greeted with a picture of a little boy, most likely 7 or 8 years old, looking into the camera with a smile that took over his entire face, a few teeth missing as well. The little boy was holding a small acoustic guitar, without a doubt, you knew this was a picture of Eddie as a kid. 

Wayne spoke up, “This was the first Christmas after Ed’s momma died, I saved up as much money as I could that year, he had started showin’ an interest in music and playing guitar, so I figured ‘why the hell not’ and found one that wasn’t too expensive. Now look at ‘im, has his own band and everything.”

Eddie chimed in, sitting next to you to see the photos as well, “We play for a crowd of rowdy drunks, it’s not that impressive Wayne.”

The older man laughed, “shit, it’s more than I could ever do. I don’t know where that talent came from, but it sure as hell didn’t come from us Munsons.”

You had turned the page, seeing a picture of a baby resting in a woman’s arms. She had a bright smile, one that reminded you so much of Eddie’s. Her hair was a light brunette color that went to her shoulders. The baby in her arms was also facing the camera, but he was focused on the woman holding him instead.

You could hear as Eddie’s breath caught, “I-I’ve never seen this before. Wayne, where did this picture come from?”

Wayne let out a sigh, your eyes darting between the picture, Eddie, and his uncle. “I found it, when I was going through some things. Your momma had kept this book for you, I put any pictures I had taken of you and mixed them in with these other photos. I was s’posed to give it to ya for your 18th birthday. She even had a letter to go with it. I don’t know if she knew that somethin’ was gonna happen to her or what. This is yours, that I do know.”

You glanced back over at Eddie, tears were streaming down his face. You wrapped an arm around him as he leaned his head against yours, “She was so beautiful,” he whispered. You nodded your head, Eddie’s mother was beautiful, there was no denying it.

Eddie had turned the page this time, the next photo to greet you was one of Eddie as a toddler, being held by a man with short dark hair. You looked over to Wayne, “Is this you?”

Wayne could only shake his head, a fire that hadn’t been there before was now burning in his eyes. “No, that ain’t me. That’s Ed’s daddy.”

Taking a closer look, you could see the resemblance between Wayne and the man in the picture, but also a resemblance between Eddie and the man as well. They both had dark eyes, and the same nose, but that was where the similarities ended. 

Eddie had gotten up and walked into his room, leaving you and Wayne to sit in the kitchen in a tense silence.

“I’m gonna go check on him,” you announced.

“I shouldn’t have brought that damn thing out, I know how he gets when his daddy’s mentioned, let alone seeing a picture of that bastard,” Wayne sighed, “Might as well turn in for the night, it’s getting late. It was nice meeting you though,” Wayne stated as he moved toward the living room.

“It was nice meeting you too, goodnight Mr. Munson.”

Opening the door to Eddie’s room, you were met with the sight of the metalhead laying face down on his bed, arms hugging one of his pillows tightly, face buried in it. You knocked on the doorframe to get his attention. When he looked up you were standing there with a concerned and sad look on your face.

Eddie spoke, voice broken, “I’m sorry sweetheart, it’s just… I can’t stand to even look at a picture of him, knowing what he did to my mom. I shouldn’t have walked out of the room like that, that wasn’t fair to you… or my uncle.”

You sat at the edge of Eddie’s bed, placing a hand on his back and started tracing comforting circles there, “Listen, Wayne feels horrible about what happened. And I shouldn’t have asked.”

Eddie’s head shook, his hair shifting with the movement, “No, you had every right to ask,” he let out a humorless laugh, “I sure as shit wasn’t gonna do it. I’m just sorry you had to see me act like that,” Eddie had turned his head so he could look at you, “that’s not the kind of man I want to be, especially towards you.”

“Good thing you’re not that kind of man then.”

Eddie’s lips twitched, tears had started to pool in his eyes. Those pretty big brown eyes that conveyed so much emotion. He whispered a strangled, “c’mere.”

He turned so he was laying on his back, arms wide open for you. As you laid down on the bed, you felt the weight of his arms around you. You buried your face in his chest as your arms wrapped around his neck, playing with the ends of his hair.

You whispered, “I love you Eddie, so so much. And guess what?”

“What?” he asked quietly.

“Your mom loves you too, and she’s so proud of you.”

You felt something wet in your hair, then you realized that they were tears from Eddie. The nerdy boy who spent his free time playing D&D and guitar, who never seemed to let people’s words affect him, was now uncontrollably crying into your hair. Right then and there you knew one thing with absolute certainty, he was not his father's son.

[salemwritesxx]

𝓽𝓼𝓾𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓪.

𝕋 𝕒 𝕜 𝕒 𝕞 𝕚  𝕂 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕠 | ℍ 𝕒 𝕨 𝕜 𝕤

     ⇴ male reader [25, Vigilantes, quirkless]      ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↳ request: Add on to the ask my bad! {Vigilante reader instead of hero-: When hawks found out he was expecting a baby he immediately kept it a secret from the reader and his friends. Since he doesn't want the hero commission/the public to catch wind of it cause it'll put both of their lives at risk also the public wouldn't be happy to know that their hero is in a relationship with someone who isn't a female- {{Angst!- The hero commission isn't supportive of hawks love life and unborn child_ if they found out about it, they'll probably blackmail the reader into doing their dirty work in exchange for hawks life.) But,, he soon tells the reader after being confronted about his change of behavior and appearance. About 3-4 months into the pregnancy. Time skip to where the kid is born- happy ending🤙🏾

↣ rating: general audiences ↣ warnings: mpreg, size / height difference, lil’ bit of angst with happy ending, discussion of abortion

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

“No… No, no, no. Fuck!”, he cursed quietly.

Staring in disbelief at the little plastic strip, he put it besides two others. All three of them were positive. There was no doubt. Hawks was… pregnant.

Falling back onto the closed toilet seat, he sighed deeply as tears welled up in his eyes. Keigo wasn’t one to cry easily, but right now everything broke apart. How would everyone react? How would the HPSC react? How would you react? Right now, it seemed like his past was catching up to him, what if everything turned out the same? What if history repeated itself? Would his unborn child have to endure so much as well? Wouldn’t it be better, if it was never born-

“Keigo?”, your voice made him snap out of his dark thoughts.

“[Your.name]?”, hastily wiping his tears and pushing the pregnancy tests into the trash, he tried his best to sound calm.

“So you’re here! I was worried, Kei! You ignored my calls.”, when he came out, you stood there leaning against the wall, a worried expression on your face.

“Ah, no. I was just busy, you know? HPSC needed me again today.”, Kei tried his best to lie and put on his best fake smile.

But you still found it suspicious.

“Are you okay, Baby?”, taking a step towards him, your big hand cupped his cheek and your thumb gently wiped over his red, swollen undereye.

Had he been crying? Keigo? That’s rare.

“I am fine, [Your.name], I am fine. What about you though?”, he kept smiling when he pushed away your hand and walked past you into the kitchen.

“I haven’t heard from you in a while, too, ya know?”

“Ah…”, was the only sound you made as you shyly scratched your neck.

“That’s true. I’m sorry if I worried you, Kei. It’s just… I had to hide for a few days. The police were especially pesky and I couldn’t risk being caught.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.”, he waved aside, “It’s not like I was worried. I know you can handle yourself just fine.”

This was the last thing you thought you would hear from him, leaving you confused and maybe a little… hurt? Sure, you chose to be a Vigilantes and go out at night to take care of some things your own, but to think your boyfriend wasn’t even worried about you while doing so? Maybe he really did despise what you did and he just never said so out loud. Until now, he had never commented on the illegal things you did, because ultimately, you never destroyed anything and just helped the less unfortunate people, but maybe…

After all, you worried about him constantly and he was a licensed pro-hero, still – many things could happen. Like that, you had a weird feeling that Hawks was not fine at all despite him claiming he was.

And while normally, your little reunion would have been much different, Kei just couldn’t think about anything at that point. All he was thinking about was the baby growing inside of him and what he should do about it…

-

As weeks went by, you noticed Hawks was changing. His excuse of being “bloated” was weird and got old quickly. Furthermore had your relationship taken a big hit. Few kisses and almost no touching. It almost seemed like he was uncomfortable constantly. You wondered what it all was about. Was it just over? Did your relationship just slip right through your fingers and you couldn’t do anything about it?

Usually, when you were both home, the apartment was filled with dumb laughter. It was so nice being around you, but all Keigo was in the past few weeks was anxious, quiet and easily agitated. His home was his safe place, it’s where he could forget everything and relax. Not think about his work, about the HPSC, but with your child growing consistently, it was harder and harder to relax. In just a few weeks, someone who had a keen eye could probably tell that he wasn’t “bloated” anymore. Instead, he didn’t know what to do anymore.

-

Then, one day, it must have been around the fourth month of his pregnancy, someone rang the doorbell in the middle of the night. First, Keigo wanted to ignore it, however, as they kept ringing, a thought popped into his head. He hadn’t seen you in about a week, which wasn’t unusual per se as you had to hide from time to time, but for you to not contact him at all was a little… odd. Were you in trouble? Did they find about your connection to him?

Hence, with his own feather in his hand, he was ready to defend himself as he made his way to the door. The rain was drumming against the windows mercilessly. Perfect distraction if someone wanted to raid him.

Though, when he swung open the door, ready to cut anyone and anything, it all came differently. A large body was leaning against the side of the door.

“[Your.name]!”, his golden eyes widened as your own [eye.color] ones looked quite lifeless.

Before Hawks could do anything, you couldn’t hold yourself upright anymore, thus falling through the opened door. Quickly reacting, he caught you, but being so much smaller than you, his feathers had to help lift you and get you inside his apartment. Only then, when he pulled his hands back did he realize what was on his hands and what he had thought to be water, was actually blood.

His heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. Rushing to your side, he literally ripped open your black coat and what was underneath, revealing a gaping wound on your side.

“Kei…”, you suddenly croaked, trying to reach out your hand, which he immediately grabbed and squeezed tightly.

“Don’t talk, [Your.name]! Everything will be alright, okay?!”, he visibly panicked.

He could hide his feelings very well. At least usually. But not this time. Maybe it was because he was hormonal due to the pregnancy, but just the thought of losing you made him cry. Hastily standing back up, he rushed into the bathroom to grab some towels and into the bedroom to get his phone.

“I… I didn’t know… where else to go… Kei…”, you coughed up a bit of blood, even though he had told you to not talk anymore.

“I know, I know. It’s okay, Baby.”, hugging you against his chest, all he could do was sob, “Everything will be alright, okay?!”

--

With a thumping heart, Hawks stood in front of the door for a few moments, before he knocked and entered eventually.

“Oh! Kei!”, you were just eating your pudding.

“[Your.name]!”, without holding back, he rushed towards your bed and jumped you.

However, hearing your painful whimper due to the ecstatic hug, he immediately pulled back with a small “I’m sorry.”

You, however, just shook your head and put the pudding and spoon away before gesturing him to come closer again.

“No, it’s okay, come here.”, you said with a soft smile as you pulled him in again.

Keigo just following your movement, scooching closer and in the end, hugging you again when you wrapped your own bandaged arms around him. You were so much more beat up than he initially thought…

“Thank you for saving me, Baby. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“You did!”, sitting back up, his golden eyes were shimmering, “I was so worried about you.”

“Ehh? Didn’t you say you weren’t worried about me a few months ago?”, you just teased him, but Keigo was hormonal and highly stressed, so he reacted way too violently when tears welled up in his eyes.

“I know… But you know I like to talk big sometimes.”, he sniffled.

Quickly, you reached out to softly cup his face and wipe away the tears.

“I know. Hey… Kei. Tell me what’s going on, hm?”

“Huh?”, his golden eyes widened a bit as he stared at you.

“Baby… I know something’s going on. Things haven’t been normal lately and you act different, too. Tell me, if it’s something I did, I can change. I will do anything, but please be honest with me already… Last night, I thought, that��s it. I thought I’d die with things being so weird between us. It was horrible to think about it…”

Looking around for a moment, you were the only one in this room and even if it wasn’t the best location to finally say it out loud, Keigo just couldn’t continue to lie. He had wanted to get an abortion three times and canceled every time because he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Clearly, he wanted this baby. And he wanted you to know, it was just all so… complicated.

“Kei…”, you squeezed his hand one more time.

“Okay…”, sitting down on the bed properly, his other hand reached out as well, needing every bit of comfort and support he could get.

“I…”, biting his lip, he hesitated for a moment before looking up and straight into your eyes, “I am pregnant.”

Your eyes widened and for a second, you just stared at him in disbelief.

“Wait… you…? Really?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh my God… that explains a lot.”, you kind of laughed while shaking your head, but then you realized something.

“Wait… How long...?”

“17th week… Do you not understand, [Your.name]? I am pregnant.”

“Yes, I understand quite well and I think that’s amazing.”, you squeezed his hands again, a big smile on your lips.

“No, no! You don’t get it, [Your.name]!”, Hawks then suddenly stood up, “This is not amazing. Do you know what that means?”, he sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“Kei…”

“We are fucked, [Your.name]. Do you know what happens when the HPSC or the public finds out? Let alone who the father is? What if… What if our baby has to endure everything I had to endure? What if… I become like them? Or what if the HPSC finds out and takes them away from us?”, his voice broke a little at the end, just imagining it…

“Keigo, hey.”, you turned around and placed your feet onto the ground, sitting on the edge of the bed, hence why you could take his hands again and pull him closer.

“You will never become like them.”, you cupped his face, gently wiping the tears away from the corner of his eyes.

“And, Kei, you already made a decision, no? You want to keep the baby – our baby – right? It’s already the fourth month…”

“I do… But… I don’t know what I should do. I am not myself, [Your.name]. I keep crying over stupid things, I can't concentrate when I’m doing my work and I am always scared someone finds out.”, eventually, you pulled him onto your lap, though he was careful not to hurt your side.

“I know you’re scared, Baby. I am too, but we can do it. Together. I will be with you every step. I will protect you.”

“[Your.name]…”, wrapping his arms around you, he buried his face in the nook of your neck, his small frame shaking.

“It’s okay. I’m here, Kei. And I won’t go, ever. We will do it together. And I promise… I promise I will stop going out during the night.”, you whispered this promise into his ear, earning his small sniffles as he clung to you.

“Our baby doesn’t have to grow up in isolation because of my recklessness. I will become a good father. They will have a great life, okay, Kei? We can do it. Whatever the HPSC throws at us, we will deal with it, together. I promise they won’t grow up like you had to.”

The last thing surely broke him as Hawks barely whispered a “Mhm.” back. But at the same time he was smiling, so grateful he was finally able to let you know as the last few months were really straining.

---

“I wish you were never born! You are a nuisance! You keep me from being free!”

“Why did I not get an abortion? Why did I do this to myself? You good for nothing!”

“-go! -igo! Keigo!”, his golden eyes opened at last.

Breathing heavily and with beads of sweat running down his temple, Hawks stared at you for a moment. Still not really sure what just happened the realization sank in little by little. A dream.

“[Your.name]…”

“Hey, I’m here. It’s okay now.”, you whispered and gently kissed him, before hugging him tightly.

Melting into your arms instantly, he buried his face at your chest as one hand reached down to his growing belly. He would probably pop soon.

“It’s weird… I haven’t thought or dreamt about them in over ten years and now… ever since I found out I’m pregnant… I …”, he mumbled more than anything, glad you were there to hold him.

“I know.”, was the only thing you whispered back while gently caressing his back.

When the HPSC trained him, he forgot, or rather suppressed most of his abusive and traumatic childhood. Maybe it was because he worried so much about your little baby that it all came crashing down on him eventually. But he would never become like them.

“Oh-“, both of you felt a little kick, making you giggle.

“Seems like our little baby girl wants to cheer you up as well.”, you whispered and nuzzled his head with your own while your hand reached out to his belly as well, softly caressing it.

“Seems like it.”, Keigo finally smiled a little.

“We will protect her.”, he quietly said after stealing a soft kiss from you.

“We will. And hey, the public took it really well when we outed us. The HPSC can’t do shit to hurt us anymore.”

“Yeah, I know. Thank God.”, cupping your cheek, Kei pulled you down again, before whispering against your lips, “Thank you.”

“Mhmh, for what?”, you chuckled and kissed him again, making him also giggle.

“Just… for everything. I love you, [Your.name].”

Smiling softly at him, you pecked his lips again and whispered an, “I love you too.”

For a few moments, it was quiet as you just cuddled and tried to calm down the excited little girl who was kicking and punching Hawks.

“Say… how do you feel, though? You haven’t been out in-“, but another kiss stopped him from continuing.

“I am perfectly fine, Shortcake. It… was hard, but it was the right decision. You are more important than anything or anyone else, and now with our little nugget growing… what we have is just so much more important to me than vigilante justice.”

The smile that spread across his face was truly warming your heart. It was the right decision and you wouldn’t regret it. You knew how hard his childhood was and you didn’t want that for your baby girl. She should be able to proudly say who her parents were and for that reason, you couldn’t continue your former lifestyle.

After sharing a few more kisses, Hawks then asked for cuddles, which you happily agreed to. Hence letting him shift positions and turn around, careful not to hit you with his wings, he hugged his pregnancy pillow. And then, you slipped your own arms around him, hugging him carefully and littering small kisses onto his neck.

He was so small in your arms, but that’s what he had loved from day one on. Keigo felt protected and loved when he was in your arms.

--

Calling out for you, Keigo carried the groceries into the kitchen, just to bite his lip instantly when he saw you laying on the sofa. Your little baby girl sprawled out on top of your broad chest, sleeping. Once Hawks came a little closer, he realized you were sleeping as well, thus with a soft smile he just kneeled down in front of the sofa.

“What would I do without you, [Your.name]? You two are seriously the light of my life.”, he thought with a big smile on his lips.

To think he was so incredibly sad when he found out, he couldn’t be more happier now. Everything turned out alright after all, just like you said. Leaning in, Hawks gently kissed his baby girl’s forehead before standing up again, leaving you and Tsubasa alone – at least that was his intention.

However, a soft tug on his clothes made him stop. And a glance back made him smile and turn once more, following your movement and laying down beside you, softly tucked under your arm, just where he belonged.

There were no words needed as you softly kissed him before your head fell back into the pillow. Your arm securely holding him and Tsubasa and just like that, you were able to hold the whole world in your arms.

And it certainly wasn’t any different for Keigo.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: I think I repeat myself every time I write for him but… KEIGO IS SO TINY ovo probably cuz I absolutely adore the EndHawk ship and their size difference gives me life? so I cannot help but make it happen when I write x reader with kei. like I can just dream of being as tall and buff as endeavor lmao but yeah this was nice I love preggo hawks!

[the-lone-witch-and-secret-room]

The Blight twins, codependency and fatal communication failure

Recently I talked about “the Blight children and toxic behaviors”, specifically about the tough love fallacy and how their parents get them to target each other rather than backing each other up.

In that post I mentioned wanting to make one specifically on the relationship of the Blight twins, and, well, here we are.

When we think of The Owl House and unhealthy/toxic platonic relationships, we think of the one Amity has with the twins in the earlier episodes, or Eda and Lilith, or the one the Blight kids have with their parents. I’m pretty sure very few people would look at these words and think of Edric and Emira… but it’s true nonetheless. The twins are raised in a very toxic environment that teaches them a lot of unhealthy mechanisms. The heavily codependent relationship the two siblings share is incredibly unhealthy for both of them.

Let’s get into why.

More under cut because hell this got long.

Who am I without you?

The Blight Twins always show up as a unit. They’re a set of two, who share the same track and are involved in the same shenanigans.

We never see them separate from each other in the show. Not a single time.

Their mother picks their matching outfits, according to Dana, because she likes her kids to be “color-coordinated.” They’re supposed to always look similar.

To Amity, they’re a united front—we don’t get to see her relationship to them separate from each other, we only get her relationship with “the twins.”

As far as I’m aware we’ve never gotten art from Dana featuring just one of them. They’re also often treated as a pair by the fandom (outside of their respective ships, that is), showing up together and showcasing very similar behaviors in fics, showing up together in fanart, etc.

We don’t have much content of just one of them with Amity (or anyone else that’s not their romantic partner).

You also don’t generally see them disagreeing a lot in fan content, which is interesting. Despite being two separate characters, they don’t get to actually be separate from each other a ton.

The main difference you see in their portrayal is in Emira being treated as the more responsible older sister, while Edric gets treated as more goofy (and a bit of an idiot), both in the show and fanon content. But that’s essentially it.

The twins are the twins. There’s no “just Edric” or “just Emira”. They don’t seem to exist without each other.

Their united front is both their greatest strength and their weakest link. They likely experienced a similar abuse as the one Amity went through, but they always had each other to lean on instead of enduring it alone. And while it definitely helps them a ton that they have each other, it also results in an unhealthy amount of codependency. Edric and Emira ONLY ever had each other. Their relationship with Amity is pretty bad and outside of that almost nonexistent up until Lost In Language, mostly used to hurt each other. Edric is always with Emira and Emira is always with Edric and there is no one else they can fall back on. Their most important relationship, the one with each other, is simultaneously the only one they have, one that they desperately clung to for a very long time. They don’t have any friends that we’re aware of.

Both Emira’s and Edric’s worst fear is born out of this. Despite being completely opposite fears, they stem from the same basic issue. In Enchanting Grom Fright, when they talk about their worst fears, Edric says “Being alone forever.” while Emira says “Being stuck with you forever.”

There is so much characterization in those two little sentences.

Edric has a fear of being alone because he’s always around Emira. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be alone, and he doesn’t want to find out. He doesn’t know who he is without Emira. This is somewhat subtle in the show, but she’s shown to be the more responsible of the two, preventing her brother from eating snow and being bitten by a bat. Edric looks to Emira for guidance, and his fear of being alone might stem from him not thinking himself capable of taking care of himself. Emira is smart and knows what she’s doing, and so Edric always runs after her. Even just entertaining the thought of being without her, without anyone to guide him, scares him so much that he proclaims it his worst fear. He likely leans on Emira a ton.

His desire to to lean on other people because he thinks himself incapable of handling issues himself comes with the possibility of him opening up easier, to the extent of oversharing, doing it so much that it becomes overbearing for Emira. But even if he can open up about some of the fears he has related to not meeting their parents expectations, he can’t really communicate the issues he has that involve Emira, because open communication about their issues is something they generally struggle with (see the point about lack of communication further below). Edric is under the impression that he needs someone else because he’s never been without Emira and doesn’t know what it’s like to exist without her. And as long as he has someone to lean on, he never has to find out if he’s truly as incapable as he thinks himself to be. His refusal to let go of her fuels his fear further—the tighter he holds on, the scarier the thought of letting go becomes.

Emira doesn’t know who she is without Edric either, and that’s exactly the reason she wants to break out of that dynamic so desperately. She doesn’t want to be nothing but someone’s twin for the rest of her life. She wants to just be herself, not have all her interests linked to her brother, for people to stop mentioning her only in the same sentence as Edric. She’s had enough of the matching. What Emira really wants is independence—from her brother, and, to a larger extent, her parents and their control.

Edric leaning on her as much as he does makes Emira feel responsible for him, and she struggles to let go of that because she doesn’t want to hurt him—but the tighter he holds on because he believes he needs her, the more overwhelmed Emira feels by her brother and the responsibility she holds for both of them.

Emira loves Edric, but she’s his sister, and can’t provide him with emotional support 24/7. Spending all day handling someone else’s issues can be pretty draining, especially when you struggle to share the ones you yourself have.

With Emira’s longing for independence comes a refusal to lean on anyone, especially on Edric, because she can’t at the same time let herself be vulnerable and need his support while also wanting to break out of their current dynamic. So Emira doesn’t talk about her issues, she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t lean on anyone. Emira is independent and strong and she doesn’t need anyone, especially not Edric.

It likely started out as them leaning on each other, but where Edric started to become too dependent on Emira always being there, Emira started growing increasingly overwhelmed and pulling back, catching them in a vicious circle of him trying to hold on tighter in order not to lose her, which causes her to draw back further.

To be clear:

a) Emira is not a terrible person for wanting to be away from Edric. What she said hurt him and came across as callous, but what he said harmed her too, even if the “why” that I just explained isn’t as blatantly obvious in the show. Edric isn’t a terrible person for relying on Emira so much, either. Neither of them are inherently malicious in any way, even if they do hurt each other. That they have to deal with these issues in the first place is rooted in the abuse they experienced, specifically in their parents treating them as a two-part set rather than two separate people their whole life.

b) I think it should be clear now why Edric’s behavior is toxic, but I want to address that Emira’s behavior is also an issue. While her desire for independence in itself is normal and healthy, she’s striving for a toxic kind of independence where she doesn’t need anyone anymore, which wouldn’t be good for her either.

Everyone needs to rely on other people sometimes, and if she doesn’t allow herself to, it’s going to cause some serious damaged in the long run. The most reliable relationship she had, the only support system she has, falls victim to her desire to be away from Edric… and only after she is she’s going to realize just how much she needed him, needed anyone to be there, too.

I think it’s very interesting that Edric’s and Emira’s issues are essentially inverted—they have the same root, but their problems are the exact opposite.

Edric is Emira’s mirror image.

This is also shown visually. With the matching clothes and identical dominant features (eye and hair color), they look extremely similar. Their beauty marks are what makes them into a mirror image rather than just looking identical, because they’re on opposite sides of their face. Emira’s is on her right cheek, Edric’s on his left. If they face each other, the marks mirror each other perfectly.

They had the same thing in the concept art I’ve seen of them too, but it was with identical earrings on opposite sides rather than beauty marks.

Caged Freedom

I couldn’t find a way to somehow smoothly fit this into the overlaying topic, but it’s an important part of the reason for their communication issues I go into below, and also just something that I wanted to go into, so take it or leave it.

The twins appear extremely confident, seem like they always get what they want (Amity even resents them for “getting away with everything”), but they really, really doesn’t. Sneaking out of school is the only way they can have the slightest bit of normalcy and freedom and control over their life, and Edric and Emira cannot be caught or it will come back to bite them—the reason they wanted to punish Amity in the first place is that she told on them for skipping, getting them in trouble.

Even within their “rebellion” against their parents, there’s a set system Emira and Edric have to operate within—matching clothes, perfect scores, not doing anything that could get back to their parents or harm the family reputation. Despite skipping school, they both maintain excellent grades. It’s said in Adventures in the Elements, Amity is even trying to beat their best score on an exam.

It’s a careful, calculated kind of resistance, not one that includes them openly opposing their parents. They do things their parents wouldn’t like, they tread lines, but they’re being smart about it, in hopes it will never get back to their parents. Even their limited freedom is caged in that way.

Despite seeming as confident as they do, they’re too scared to talk back to their parents. They cause exactly the kind of trouble that they know is possible to get away with without putting themselves in harm’s way. Going further, openly calling their parents out for how they’re being treated, would be dangerous, and so they don’t. They operate within the system and follow it as much as they have to in order to be able to push the boundaries even slightly.

Their endless confidence, their apparent fearlessness, is just another illusion of theirs.

They wouldn’t need to get back at Amity for telling on them if their behavior was just a huge “fuck you” to their parents. But they do, because their parents aren’t supposed to know. They’re scared, even if they’d never admit that.

Emira and Edric target Amity as a way to cope with the treatment they receive from their parents, which they to an extent blame on Amity (I’ve gone over this more in-depth in the toxic behaviors post I linked above).

Hurting Amity in hopes she won’t tell on them again seems safe in a way that actively calling out their parents behavior could never be.

Lack of Communication

Edric and Emira both have trouble communicating their feelings in a healthy way, and instead of open communication and talking things through they revert to backhand comments and punishment.

They grown up believing that severe punishments are necessary, “tough love” used to help someone improve as shown (and literally quoted) in Lost In Language in regards to Amity. That’s also something I go into my other Blight sibs post.

Regarding the backhand comments, let’s look at their worst fears in Enchanting Grom Fright again. As explained above, Emira’s “being stuck with you forever”-fear is a shitty attempt at trying to get across that she’s unhappy with never getting to be apart from Edric to just be herself. Edric’s “being alone forever” brings up a huge fear of his, especially of being abandoned by Em, which, regarding her worst fear, is justified.

Both of these fears are extremely understandable, and they don’t necessarily have to be at odds with each other—Emira just wants to not feel overwhelmed by Edric, and figure out who she is, and she doesn’t have to completely abandon him to achieve that, even if it’s something she might think she wants now. Edric has to find a way to be able to rely on himself more because Emira can’t always be around him, but he can still maintain a close, positive relationship with her, and would absolutely be able to make other friends that could support him.

What them voicing these fears is, for both of them, is a desperate cry for help, for change. Edric wouldn’t be bringing this up if there wasn’t a part of him that desperately wants to talk to Emira about this, and in the same way Emira wouldn’t have said her fear if she wouldn’t want it too. But the issue is that the twins don’t actually communicate. They put these huge things out there, validating the other’s worst fear with what they say. And then they don’t talk it out. These sentences just hang in the air between them, and then they move on like nothing happened, both anxious and hurt.

And this is because the Blight family in general doesn’t communicate. As mentioned before, the twins don’t dare to talk back to their parents, they do things behind their backs and hope they won’t get caught. They don’t communicate with Amity, and despite Edric and Emira being the closest person the other has, they don’t really communicate the issues in their relationship with each other either, because they don’t know how. This is not a skill they were ever taught, because talking things through like that requires them to be extremely vulnerable. To acknowledge what their worst fears are and why, that they might have gone too far or might have been wrong about some of the things they said, and therefore admit to not being perfect.

But Blights are required to be perfect, and Blights aren’t wrong—if others don’t see things your way, you make them. If others don’t act the way you want them to, you punish them. Tough love to help them grow and “encourage” them to make the “right” decision.

There’s no room for open communication in an environment that sees vulnerability as a shortcoming, and admitting mistakes as a weakness. If neither party is willing to take the first step, communication withers and dies, and the issues go ignored as they grow. Admitting there’s an issue in the first place, and that it might partially be your fault, is considered backing down. And Blights don’t back down. They can’t.

If you back down in business, let others convince you into a bad contact, you’ll never be successful. Worst case: it might be the end. And so you don’t back down. You never do. Blights don’t lose an argument. The other person has to break and back down first.

But that can’t work when both people involved were raised with that mindset. So Emira doesn’t make the first step, and neither does Edric, and aside from their backhand comments that never lead anywhere, they just suffer silently as their relationship disintegrates without as much as their acknowledgement of it.

For Edric, there’s also the issue that bringing up his fear might possibly drive Emira further away, knowing her fear. He doesn’t want to make her angry, and doesn’t want to fight with her, because it might lead to him losing her, which is exactly what he so desperately wants to prevent.

I can’t remember which post brought it up, but one post I read a while back also addresses how despite admitting that her behavior was wrong, we never hear Amity say “sorry” to Willow. Because if there’s one thing the Blight family does even less than admitting mistakes in the first place, it’s apologizing for them. Open communication is weak. Apologizing is weaker.

In summary: There needs to be a balance between depending on yourself and still being able to ask others for support when you need it, and Emira and Edric are currently sitting on opposite ends of the same issue. Both of them need to move more towards the middle. What one of them so desperately wants is what the other needs to recognize.

Emira realizes that she needs space from Edric, and because Edric doesn’t recognize it, he’s the one that needs space from Emira more. He desperately needs to realize that clinging to each other the way they currently are isn’t healthy.

Edric realizes that he needs support from other people, and that’s something Emira denies for herself that she really needs to realize.

They both have half of the solution to their shared problem, but their difficulties communicating the issues within their relationship properly prevent them from finding a healthy solution together.

For everyone that’s incredibly sad now (myself included): I cover these topics in several of my fics.

Most prominently, Locked Out, where I’m currently beginning to explore the Blight twins and their different mindsets further.

Most recently, Sleight of Hand, a collab fic I did with my friend @lexa-alycia, where, among other things, the twins have a long overdue conversation regarding the things said in Enchanting Grom Fright.

But also 6/8 of my currently posted Owl House fics (not counting another additional two that also do and are done but haven’t been posted yet) give focus to at least one of the Blight twins if not both, so yeah I have plenty of twins content on my profile for anyone that wants XD

Next up, probably (because I just do not want to be done with this apparently): a post regarding Vinem and Jerbric and why these relationships would work and be extremely beneficial for everyone involved.

[everysongineverykey]

I'M DONE. HERE. TAKE THESE CHAPTER 2 THOUGHTS AND RUN, BABY.

so i'll try to go in order here. uhhhh... there's a LOT i have to say. first: toriel giggling sprite my beloved

on that note, ALL THE NEW SUSIE SPRITES MY BELOVEDS

NOELLE YOU'RE SO GAY. I THINK THIS IS PROBABLY JUST BECAUSE I TOLD HER TO IN CHAPTER ONE BUT SHE GAVE SUSIE THE LUNCHBOX FULL OF CHALK!! I LOVE ITTTT

ralsei's, uh... kinda sus. the whole "recruiting" thing REALLY sketches me out. and he looks kinda... smug, all the time, like he knows what's going on.

LANCER JOINED! ROUXLS JOINED EVEN THOUGH NO ONE WANTED THAT! STARWALKER JOINED, TO EVERYONE'S JOY!

LIBRARY PORTALLLL

so before i entered the city there was that pre-city area? that looked very much like the city? except it had different music? and i thought they'd cut welcome to the city and i was SEVERELY disappointed. but then they didn't! just something i wanted to mention

NOELLE!!

throughout this game i went from despising berdly to feeling bad for him to not really liking him again, but not hating him as much as before. he'd better stay the fuck away from susie though

the queen is the best villain. she's the kind you love to hate! she's literally so funny AND her boss battle is actually tough (rip to the king but he just. wasn't a formidable enemy at all lol)

THE GANG CHARLIE BROWN DANCING TO WIN A FIGHT! SUSIE GAINING THE POWER TO ACT THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF WILL! SUSIE FORCING RALSEI TO LEARN TO ACT EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T WANT TO! THAT ENTIRE BATTLE WAS AMAZING! THE "BATTLE WON" END DANCING SEQUENCE! GOING INSANE GOING INSANE

the puzzles in this chapter were genuinely really impressive! i especially loved the word search puzzles and the ice-ee undertale word search reference💙

that being said. the mouse puzzles were SO fucking infuriating. i caused poor noelle a LOT of grief with those and i feel bad.

SPEAKING OF NOELLE!! the scene where she and kris are walking through the puzzle, the one that spells "december", and she's talking about when they were kids, how she loved sneaking out? beautiful. the cinnamon tography <3 also i guessed dess's full name was december a while ago and while i guess it was obvious, it's nice to have that confirmed!

also, i love that susie and ralsei are real friends in this chapter! he taught her a healing spell!!

ugh. fucking berdly. so smug and pretentious. i love queen's desire to be as far away from him as possible though

i also like his backstory. it gives his behavior, even if it's still annoying, at least some context. i get the feeling of feeling like if you're not smart, people will forget about you, and that's scary.

ALSO ALSO. GAMER BERDLY. LITERALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT IS PERFECT. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GAMER!" "i only play mobile games, berdly." "NOOOOOO!" like i ADORE that

anyways. time for me to talk about the only thing that matters in this world: suselle. i mean, did the gays win in this chapter or DID THE GAYS WIN IN THIS CHAPTER?? THEY RODE A HEART-COVERED FERRIS WHEEL AND HAD A HEARTFELT, TENSION-FILLED CONVERSATION!

"did you ever wonder why the real susie never picked on you? well, maybe it's because... when you were both new to class, you lent her one of your pencils, like... maybe a dumb one with candy canes on it or something, and... even though it didn't actually taste like candy, she... remembered your smile." okay god thanks toby it's not like i needed my heart or anything

SERIOUSLY. TOBY "i'm gonna give the gays everything they want" FOX IS BACK WITH ANOTHER BANGER LADS

QUEEN'S BOSS BATTLE! ACTUALLY TOUGH, UNLIKE KING'S! AND GIGA QUEEN! I'M GOING INSANE THAT WAS SO SICK AND SO HARD

the way my heart BROKE when lancer turned to stone good god thank GOD our boy's okay

AND ROUXLS KAARD IN HIS PIRATE DUCK!! WITH HIS LITTLE HAT! DEMANDING THE QUEEN MAKE HIM BUTLER SUPREMETH! I LOVE HIM MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF

also!! kris and ralsei's little moment on the swan boat💙 i wasn't a kralsei shipper before but uh... that may be starting to change

it's hard because ralsei's still suspicious but at the same time i love him and want him to be happy. i don't know how to feel

also, if darkners outside of their dark worlds turn to stone after a while, why didn't ralsei? that's, uhhh... VERY sus. very weird. mr fox i need ANSWERS

WE FINALLY HAVE A WAY TO SAVE AFTER WE'VE FINISHED MOST OF THE EPILOGUE LADS. REJOICE!!

seriously the thing that peeved me about ch1 was that the last save point was on the battle stage and if i wanted to play the epilogue again, i had to. do that entire battle all over. BUT NOW THAT'S BEEN FIXED!!

UNDYNE AND ALPHYS HAVE MET UNDYNE AND ALPHYS HAVE MET THIS IS NOT A DRILL UNDYNE GAVE HER A BOX OF CANDIES EVERYBODY SHUT UP THEY'RE IN LOVE ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD

ALSO! NEAR THE BEGINNING! I FORGOT TO MENTION THE LITTLE WHITE DOG DOING DONUTS IN A TOY RACE CAR AND BACKING UP TRAFFIC! THANK YOU LITTLE WHITE DOG!

on that note: "looks like a car. this one has a man in it. he waves at you happily." AND THEN THE MAN'S GONE??? HEY TOBY???

ALSO. THE SEGMENT WHERE THE ANNOYING DOG HELPS US FIND THE KEY THROUGH THE POWER OF WANTON DESTRUCTION. THE BEST PLOT DEVICE!

TORIEL TEACHING SUSIE TO MAKE PIE STOP ITTTTT

and yes yes i KNOW kris slashed toriel's tires. that was extremely troubling. but THEY MADE PIE TOGETHER!!

"leave the chalk alone, kris" TORIEL!!

sans and toriel making egg puns and asgore running in and going "don't forget me, your eggs-husband!" is the FUNNIEST sitcom moment type thing ever. GOD.

on the other hand sans let me meet your brother god dammit i'll kill you

METTATONNNNNNN

RUDY... "who got you these flowers?" "is it weird for a married man to get flowers?" "so your wife did?" "oh, no! kris's dad did!" "...not even gonna try to understand this..." TOBY STOP ITTTT YOU'RE GIVING THE ASGORUDY SHIPPERS FALSE HOPE. YOU KNOW YOU'RE JUST GONNA KILL RUDY. YOU'RE JUST RUBBING SALT IN THE WOUND!

NUBERT! MY MAN!

seeing kris repeatedly they-themmed by multiple characters makes me so happy <3 poor kid... "college summer vacation when" "you opened the door with your eyes closed. you saw nothing" kris....

KRIS...

fucking. BLACK FOG STORM IN THE LIVING ROOM KRIS STOP IT. HOW'RE THEY GONNA REVEAL THIS WAS INNOCENT? THE KNIFE IN CHAPTER ONE WAS EASY BUT HOW WILL THEY EXPLAIN THIS

the staticy tv appearing in the dark and a toothy smile slowly fading into view in the center and lingering there ominously for far too long >>>>>>> every hollywood horror movie ever god. GOD

snowy and monster kid checking out the red door. implying there's something in there. something that kris knows about. knowing we won't get any more deltarune content for 5+ years does NOT fill me with determination

also. gaster's symbolic theme being mus_smile. and the final image in the game being a smile. god. gaster's COMING lads.

onionsan hears a song at night... a familiar song... memory, perhaps? or maybe a certain... four-note arpeggio that's hidden in a sound test room in undertale? who knows? guess we'll just have to wait for chapters 3/4/5.

this concludes my ramblings for now, but don't get it twisted- this is FAR from the last post i'll make about ch2. this whole chapter was absolutely amazing! brilliant! showstopping!! i'm genuinely soooo super impressed and excited for the chapter 3/4/5 bundle!!!

[natsukitakama]

Being in relationship with Porco would include

Author note : Hi there ! How are you ?  I wrote most of it while I couldn’t sleep I hope it’ll be fine ♡ please let me know if you like it 

just look at him please it should be illegal to look that good 

Warning : slight mention of nsfw / some spoilers if you haven’t seen the new season of Attack on titans 

I do not own that gif credit to the owner 

Masterlist 

Him being cocky asf I swear he was born cocky. I don’t know if he is super confident or if he is just natural but he lives to tease the hell out of you 

At first he might act as if he was not interest on you. But no one believed him, not when he constantly got his eyes on you. Alway looking for you even when you were surrounded by people because of a festivities or anything else. 

Sometimes you’re just walking pass him and unfortunately you didn’t notice him but he did he always did. If you were more focused you would noticed how his eyes last on you. 

When he flirts he flirts. He is super bold about it and won’t be afraid to be straight to you. Like one day you were working and didn’t notice him at first but he started to flirt with you with his stupid grin telling you how gorgeous you look today, how your cloth Underline your natural beauty. 

I think he is kinda clingy, not in a wrong way. But sometimes when you two are chatting with each other he would brush his hands against yours just to have the pleasure of seeing goosebump on your body. 

Or sometimes he will just bend slightly just enough so he could whisper in your ear, you would feel his breath on your neck wishing he could kiss your neck 

He will just give him time 

He might be at first being clingy in public or even showing you off, being an endian (even if he is a Titan) means he can’t do everything he wants to especially because he is afraid someone might try to take you away from him. It doesn’t matter if you’re a mahr or an eldian (though he might be even more anxious being close to you if you’re a mahr because he knows both of you would be in trouble but at the same time he got excited by the thought of you wanted him despite him being an endian) he would still be cautious while being with you in Public 

When you two are in more private place though : he is clingy, he just can’t control his hands, they have to be on you (holding your hand, grabbing your ass, stroking your hips or your thigh). 

He is not really into hug he prefers more sensual act of love like kissing, but if you’re running into him or just hug him when he goes home and you just hug him, his heart would melt. Don’t do it in front of Reiner he doesn’t want to be seen vulnerable : but I promise you he will blush like a tomato, even more if you’re kissing his cheeks. 

Speaking of Reiner, be careful cause I can picture him to be jealous, like a lot, he is possessive man I can feel it. So everytime he will see you two chitchatting, Porco can’t help but need to mark his territory meaning he will put his arm around your shoulder, or even try to make you blush just to reminds Reiner that you’re his. 

He tends to do it to every man he might feel uncomfortable (because they’re stronger, smarter or wealthier than him) especially if you’re mahr 

He is always acting like he is super confident, but he remains a little brother : he can’t forgive himself for not discovering his big brother’s plan or for not being strong enough so the military won’t change his position for Reiner. Even if he has his own titans he is still jealous and bitter against Reiner 

Sometimes he feels guilty for loving you : after all he only has couple of years to live while you would have an eternity without him. Even if he’ll probably tell you to live your life and find someone else, he can’t forgive himself. But he is very selfish, as soon as he falls in love with you he wanted to keep you all for himself. 

Another angry baby (say hello Eren), even if he is pretty rough, you tend to not fight that much. Most of the time you can avoid argument because you’re calm enough to understand his point and to make a compromise so you two aren’t angry at each other. 

But sometimes argument can’t be avoiding, so instead of yelling at you or be condescending most of the time he chooses to leave you for couple of hours just to relax. When he is calm enough he would go back to see you with a bouquet of flower to apologize for being an asshole

At the beginning of your relationship, you thought that you’re two were sexfriends cause honestly he always managed to have you under him or sometimes on his laps. 

It didn’t help that he spent most of his time with Pieck, during a lot of time you believed he was into Pieck but couldn’t have her so he chooses you instead. It broke your heart and when you confront him well he didn’t react the way you thought he would. He just look at you deep in the eyes, he looked quite confuses : why would he date Pieck ? Why would he want to spend time with her while he could have quality time with you ? 

The only thing he said that day was « are you blind ? » 

His sex drive are pretty huge, maybe it’s because he is a beast and so he felt some animal instinct or because he just loves to hear you moaning his names, but it’s like he can’t never get enough of you. 

You see it coming but he bites you a lot, he just loves that sometimes it’s the sight of his love marks on your body that turn him on for another round. You’ll be warned. 

Don’t wear black lacy lingerie or you won’t leave your bedroom or with sore legs 

Do not talk that much about his friends, but talks shit about Reiner I just can see him giving you 99999 reasons to not talk to him. 

But with time he’ll talk a lot with you he just needs a little time especially about his brother : he is still bitter about it. 

Do not expect him to dance with you 

Kidding, he will if your giving him puppy eyes 

You can get whatever you want with it 

I mean everything 

Even if he noticed how you’re manipulating him, he can’t help but melt when you’re looking at him with those eyes of yours, even worse if you give him a pout. 

Sometimes he dreams about his brother and can’t help but cry while sleeping, he won’t say it, but please hug him and stroke his hair during time like this he needs to feel loved. 

Just realize that eren and Porco are angry boys and both would be jealous if they saw their S/O with Reiner. Stop being handsome Reiner it doesn’t help at all. 

I don’t believe he is the type to spoil you but in way you’ll be spoil. For exemple if he saw you looking at something for a long time or if he noticed that you’re talking a lot about something and are actually working to buy it. Don’t say much Porco Is here, what’s the point of having money if he can’t buy something for you ? 

He doesn’t know how to react when you are buying him something, internally he is so happy he feels so love but he doesn’t know how to react so he will hug you or kiss you on the cheeks thanking you for this (that’s me I can’t receive a gift properly so lame) 

Also he teases a lot but you can expect behavior like this judging by how cocky he is, it’s even worse when he started to court you. My gosh the man never stop to praise himself, he really thought that you’ll become interest on him but he started quickly when you tease him telling him how great it could be to be in relationship with itself. After that he tried to be more humble 

It never worked, he still shows off but you find it quite cute as if you two remain into the flirt part of your relationship. Especially because he is always giving you compliment. 

And during sex man, he can’t help but smirk ALL the fucking time. He is just so proud, even when he is on his back letting you have your way with him he’ll tease you, he’ll force you to go at his pace. He loves being in control. 

The man is not afraid to tell you when you’re hot, gorgeous, pretty, cute he looks his time to look at you up and down then whistle and would say something like « damn babe you look fine in those pants should wear it before » 

Oh if you’re asking he is an ass/thigh man but that’s for another headcanon 

Even after a long time being in relationship with him, he still has difficulty to tell you when something is wrong. He is so proud, he can’t admit when he fails something or just when he feels down. You’ll have to confront him, or even better acting not bothering to ask him what’s wrong and instead starting to help him. 

When you’re doing things like that god, he wish he could spend the eternity with you

oh and by the way, yes he knows he looks good in suit and will always tease for looking at for too long. 

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 9)

Previously we talked about how Natsume gave up on trying to make Mikan hate him in order to support her on her mission to retrieve Iinchou's alice and an antidote for Hotaru's wound. We also discussed his feelings of insecurity and contrasting surrender with not being relied upon by Mikan. He simultaneously accepts that she shouldn't get close and also hates that she doesn't call out to him when she's in trouble.

Today we'll talk about the cementing information about Natsume' life-span, as it has consequences on his relationship with Mikan, as well as the harsh differences between Natsume and the others on this mission.

Chapter Thirty-Six

This arc reveals several things, but this chapter specifically addresses Natsume’s differences from the rest of them. This isn’t his first life-or-death mission, and he has experience with this that the rest of them lack.

When they wake up in the mountains, Natsume and Ruka are quick to try and find information about their surroundings, and Tsubasa establishes that eating should be a priority as well.

Mikan wanted to be useful in this way, having packed food for this occasion. Unfortunately, Pengy is in her backpack instead, having eaten everything she prepared. Natsume is adamant that Pengy be discarded, as it’s already proven itself to be a hindrance. Mikan sticks up for it, saying that it was a gift from Hotaru, but Natsume argues that that’s nonsense.

This is a great example of the difference between them. For Mikan, this may be a noble adventure where she will go on a journey and save Iinchou and Hotaru, but for Natsume, this is his second life. He knows how this sort of thing goes. This isn’t a game, it’s a deadly mission where they might get killed. They could starve. They could get injured. Hindrances like Pengy only increase the chance of that happening, as it’s already shown.

Natsume came along to help the journey be smooth and as safe as possible, so really he's just doing what he came to do.

Mikan promises to take responsibility for it, so Natsume begrudgingly allows it, but there’s tension between them now. Pengy’s behavior needs to be in line, or Natsume will have been proven right.

And then almost immediately, Natsume is proven right.

Pengy gets itself trapped by a flesh-eating plant, and Mikan and Ruka rush to save it. The enchanted trees nearby are awakened and irritated, so they start spitting sap and acorns at each other, with the kids in the crossfire.

Natsume is covered with sap and leaves and, although he is annoyed, doesn’t really react until Ruka is attacked by a swinging branch and crashes against another tree trunk. Because Ruka has been hurt, Natsume goes berserk once again, setting all the trees in the area on fire for what they did to his friend. This is an example of how going berserk can actually be useful, as Natsume is able to take out the threat and keep them all safe.

The tension is even worse now. Natsume had to clean up after Pengy’s mess, even after Mikan said she would take responsibility. Mikan gets defensive and argues, even attempting to downplay the role Pengy played, but Natsume is in no mood to listen. He has a point, after all, because this situation is much more dangerous than any of the rest of them fully comprehend.

The DA class was going to dispatch experts (children, but still experts) to take out Z, and now he's going in blind with very little intel and a group of unexperienced kids who have no idea how dangerous this really is. Natsume comes close to death on a regular basis, and even as readers we have no idea if that regular basis means weekly or even sometimes daily. From what we’ve seen in the Reo arc, we’re aware that Natsume is always prepared to die, but will do what it takes to survive and accomplish the objective. This time, in order to accomplish the objective, they can’t lose their food or get attacked by trees and flesh-eating plants. In order to survive and do what they came for, Pengy should be discarded.

What’s more is that Natsume is angry because Pengy caused Ruka to be hurt, and he’s still upset about it. The damage could have been worse, and Pengy would have been responsible. He doesn’t want something like that to happen again, especially because two of the people on this mission with him are people he cares very much about and doesn’t want to see hurt.

Natsume isn’t usually one to get distracted by tense conversations either. He immediately jumps back into action to alert the others that something isn’t right--they’re in the territory of an embedded medusa alice and are in danger yet again.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Once again, Ruka is put in danger because of Pengy, whom he attempts to save from the medusa alice. This time, Mikan is able to take responsibility, and uses her nullification, amplified by Tono’s alice stone, to protect the both of them from the embedded alice.

This event brings some information about alice stones, but it’s just a taste of what we will later learn. If anything, it’s just an appetizer before the meal that we will have later on.

Natsume, ever observant on missions and always analytical, has been noticing a lack of fruit trees in the area and realizes that the animals that have been sharing the fruits have been traveling through warp zones. Natsume has so far been planning and strategizing, and Ruka, being so eager to prove himself, has been trying to be just as useful. As soon as they woke up, Ruka started communicating with animals to get info, and now that Natsume has brought up another possibility, Ruka instantly goes to work again.

Natsume can see how much Ruka is trying, and because of that, he insists that they all rest, because Ruka has overworked himself. Natsume wants his best friend to feel as important as he is, that he can be relied on. He specifically wants Ruka to know that he relies on him and trusts him, and that he is valuable on this mission.

They are winding down for the night, and Natsume has decided that since Mikan is taking too long getting the water, he’ll go get some himself. In the process, he ends up overhearing the conversation Mikan had with Ruka about alice stones.

Ruka doesn’t reveal much more about alice stones, just says that as they get stronger, they can all make alice stones. Then he promises to give Mikan his stone when he makes one someday, attaching all the romantic intent there with it. He’s content that Mikan swears the same, despite the fact that she doesn’t know what such a promise entails.

Ruka feels guilty for this, and runs to get Natsume.

But Natsume was listening the whole time, and revealing himself would embarrass Ruka, or make him feel even guiltier, so he keeps himself hidden. Even something as small as this is a selfless act.

But he can’t help it that Mikan finds him.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Mikan starts blabbering, but he responds unkindly at every new topic. His biggest concern is that Mikan doesn’t actually know what she just promised to do with Ruka. Natsume and Ruka both know: it’s more or less like a proposal of commitment, like dating or even marriage. She has no idea that there’s a romantic meaning with exchanging alice stones, but he can’t tell her either, because it would embarrass Ruka and put him on the spot. So when Mikan asks what it means, he elects not to say anything and ignores her instead. She has the right to know, of course, but Natsume won’t say it when doing so would throw Ruka under the bus like that.

As a result, there is a long, awkward silence that Mikan doesn’t enjoy, but Natsume can’t break.

Eventually, she breaks it, just to randomly say that one day, when she grows up, if she can make an excellent alice stone, she will give it to Natsume.

You know when you really want something, and suddenly it seems like the stars have aligned in all the wrong ways--you CAN have this thing, but you really shouldn't take it? Yeah, that's what this is. For me, this usually happens with food, but with some people I guess it's more meaningful.

It’s the last thing he expects, and he’s taken aback. He has done nothing obvious enough to deserve an alice stone from Mikan. He’s mean to her all the time, has even argued with her on this very mission, and told her he hated her only a couple days ago. There was so much anger between them because of Pengy, and yet she still promises that she will give him her alice stone. Natsume has a low self-esteem, and thinks the only thing that should be noticed by anyone is what he wants them to notice. His secret kindness doesn’t make up for anything else he does. He should ultimately still be the last of anyone’s priorities. He doesn’t think he’s worth an alice stone, because for years he’s been told that he isn’t even worth his own life.

Persona made it clear to him that the only thing he was good for was his performance on missions. If he cannot service the school, then he is no longer valuable. He should die. And because he does these missions to protect Aoi and Ruka, then ultimately he is only so valuable as long as he is protecting others, sacrificing himself for them. Even before that, Natsume has been self-sacrificing, but to have it drilled into you that your value is conditional--there’s no way something like that wouldn’t have grave consequences on a child’s self esteem.

To be told by the girl he likes that she wants to give him an alice stone… It’s unimaginable.

And he shuts it down.

He reminds her she already promised hers to Ruka, and tells her she couldn’t make more than one with ease. She only needs to make one for Ruka. He doesn’t want it.

Natsume could easily take advantage of the fact that Mikan has no idea what the alice stones mean and accept it. He could tell her what she’s promising. He could ignore her.

Instead, he rejects it, adamantly.

This is just so silly!

They end up bickering and splashing each other with water, acting like little kids (which they are) and getting entirely soaked.

Natsume looks at her, his memory focusing on when she said, “when I grow up.”

"When I grow up..." Damn, Mikan, don't rub it in. That's the thing he's sensitive about!

Natsume rejected her for many reasons. He will put Ruka’s happiness before his own. He doesn’t want to trick Mikan into anything. He doesn’t think he deserves it. It wouldn’t mean the same thing to her that it would to him. And, most tragically, he’s not going to grow up to be able to receive it.

By the time Mikan is able to make a fabulous alice stone worthy to give to someone, Natsume will certainly not be the one to receive it, because he will probably be long dead. Why would he allow her to make a promise that would be impossible for her to keep?

No, he has no choice but to reject her here, stomp out any chance that she would ever consider him again.

They’re both soaking wet, and she’s tugging at her hair, trying to wring it out, and all he can do is look at her.

And then he tells her that her pigtail hairstyle doesn’t suit her. In five years, she should wear her hair down. He thinks she looks better that way.

Might as well tell her now because he won't be around in five years, and wouldn't it be a travesty if nobody let her know?

Natsume has been selfless for most of the conversation, choosing Ruka’s feelings over everything else whenever he could. This comment of his is the first selfish thing to come out of his mouth this whole day.

They were all aged up before, because of the Gulliver candy, and Mikan’s hair had been in her customary pigtail style. We already have the feeling that Natsume likes her with her hair down, since he was so vehement that she didn’t put it up back during the musical. Now we (and Mikan) get verbal confirmation.

He tells her now, because in five years' time, he won't be alive to say it.

He must not think much of this, in terms of how it will affect her. Maybe it felt safe to say something insignificant, like “your hair’s nicer down”, after all the rejecting he’s had to do so far. He had to tell her he hated her, rejected her stone, and argued with her all day. It must be tiresome to lie all the time, especially when his real feelings are the opposite of what he’s letting on. He just wants to let a little of the affection he has for her out, especially when he’s looking at her like this. It’s not a love confession, or a promise to exchange alice stones. If he ever shows any affection, it should be small and almost imperceptible, nothing grand and obvious like Ruka’s. Natsume would never try to purposefully undermine Ruka’s wooing.

It’s not his fault that the smallest comment like that has such a huge impact on her.

They return to camp and find Tsubasa and Ruka absolutely wasted on grapes that Pengy has found. Yet another con on Natsume’s endless list of Pengy cons. Tsubasa sobers up, but Ruka embraces Mikan. In his drunken stupor, it almost seems like he might try to kiss Mikan. Although Natsume might be willing to put his best friend’s happiness before his, that doesn’t mean he’ll allow a wasted Ruka to kiss her. There’s plenty of reasons that could go wrong, after all, and there’s no doubt Ruka would be horrified come morning. So he pulls Ruka off Mikan and together they sleep, with Ruka nestled in the fur of a bear, snuggled up among animals. Natsume is uncomfortable, but he won’t tear his hand away from Ruka’s grip because it’s meant to comfort his friend.

He only separates from him a little later, when he starts coughing uncontrollably and we’re faced with yet another realization about Natsume.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

The chapter opens with Tsubasa watching in concern as Natsume coughs, until he coughs up blood. Once he’s coughed out his blood, Natsume catches his breath and reaches for the healing alice stone he keeps around his neck. For all of Tsubasa’s concern about it, Natsume almost seems nonchalant. He’s not shocked or disturbed at all to see blood in his palm. His biggest concern is that Tsubasa keep it down because he’s being too loud and it might wake up the others.

Because even when Natsume’s life is nearing its end and his body is quickly decaying, all he is concerned with is Ruka. He coughed up blood. So what? All he cares about is that he isn’t worrying anybody. Natsume’s crippling martyr complex manifests here as a complete disregard for his own health, as long as everyone else is ignorant and happy. No matter how concerned Tsubasa is about him, Natsume is never on his own list of priorities.

Natsume is the least important person in his own life.

But he still informs Tsubasa that he’s been in this shape for a year, as a result of going on frequent missions for the school. Natsume has never told anybody this, but Tsubasa already knows one damning thing, so might as well just tell him everything. It must be a relief to him, to be able to confess it, after keeping it to himself this whole time.

Tsubasa is adamant that this is a big deal, and that he wouldn't feel right, letting Natsume continue on the mission while he's in this state.

So Natsume must once again point out that he’s different from the rest of them. His alice isn’t intended for use as a parlor trick or fun little hobby. His is to destroy and hurt, and not just the school’s enemies, but himself as well. His alice is incredibly powerful, a consequence of the life-shortening ability type, and at only ten years old he has an excellent, almost prodigal, grasp on controlling and utilizing it. Natsume can make an alice stone with ease, ignite or put out a fire no problem. And because of his position in the DA class, he’s also tactically and strategically advanced, so missions like the one they’re currently on are nothing he isn’t used to. He’s their ace, and that’s what Natsume is trying to stress to Tsubasa. He’s a great player to have on the team because of his experience and ability.

So don’t fucking spill about it, okay?

Because he’s capable and willing to retaliate, and if he does, it won’t be pleasant.

But what sticks in Tsubasa’s mind (and probably the reader’s) is that all that experience and ability comes at a steep cost, one that isn’t really worth it, not that Natsume has a choice in the matter.

Natsume leaves the conversation, going right back to Ruka and cuddling up with him again. He hadn’t wanted to leave Ruka’s side to begin with, understandably concerned that Ruka should get plenty of rest after a long day of using his alice and then getting drunk. Natsume is more than willing to help Ruka and fret over him, but he never gives Ruka the same opportunity, because he doesn’t want to put anybody, least of all his close friends, in that position. Natsume should be the one caring about people. He should be the last priority to everyone else, just like he is to himself.

And the next morning when Ruka wakes up, confused over what happened as he doesn’t remember anything, Natsume gets right back into the mission. Just like last night with the alice stones, he doesn’t want to embarrass Ruka.

As they continue their journey, Tsubasa continuously tries to voice concern for Natsume while not letting Mikan or Ruka know, as had been requested of him. Natsume responds with insults, because of course he does. Tsubasa then mutters, “And here I was, worrying about you!” but that’s exactly the effect Natsume was trying to have in the first place.

Natsume is really funny though, I think we can all agree.

Natsume has several go-to moves for his selflessness, and though they vary depending on the person and situation, most of them involve him being a jerk. In this case, he is being a jerk on purpose so that Tsubasa won’t worry about him. It’s hard to be overly concerned about a person when they’re bugging the shit out of you, after all. This is absolutely intentional, a technique Natsume uses often.

It backfires on him though, because Tsubasa is frequently surrounded by bratty kids with too much of a mouth on them. As they head up the mountain, Tsubasa keeps his eye on Natsume, who is obviously struggling physically with the trek. So Tsubasa picks him up and throws him over his shoulder to carry him part of the way. Natsume’s annoying attitude only further frustrates Tsubasa to this point. He even threatens to tell the others if he doesn’t comply and allow himself to be carried. Naturally, Natsume fights and kicks and scratches and even bites his way out of Tsubasa’s grasp as Ruka and Mikan watch, dumbfounded, but this exchange shows us two things:

Tsubasa and Natsume’s relationship is slowly evolving. They’re connected now and have a tie beyond Mikan. Tsubasa knows information about Natsume that nobody else does. It forces Tsubasa to see Natsume as more than just a little brat, and forces Natsume to put his trust in this person he’d hated with his whole chest before.

Natsume is extremely uncomfortable when he is being cared for. He’s used to being in the caretaker role, as I’ve mentioned previously in the Reo Arc. Even then, when Mikan carried and protected him, he was quick to encourage her to leave him behind. Now, with Tsubasa, Natsume cannot stand it. It’s not just that he isn’t quite as fond of Tsubasa, it’s also just the knowledge that someone is worrying about him, slowing themselves down and inconveniencing themselves for his sake. He goes out of his way to seem rude and unpleasant to avoid this exact kind of situation, so Tsubasa putting in the effort despite Natsume’s best efforts is distressing to him.

It only makes things worse that all the care Tsubasa is suddenly giving him might give things away to Ruka or Mikan, and Natsume will do anything to avoid that.

Natsume gets his chance for revenge when he kicks Tsubasa down a warpzone with full force, flinging Mikan in right after for good measure. They reemerge near the mouth of a volcano and discern that they must be in the right place when they discover that there's hallucinogenic smoke coming from the mouth. They fall through the crater and end up in a strange room.

Natsume and Tsubasa’s bickering over the large and suspicious door distracts them from the shaky ground which crumbles under Mikan’s feet.

She falls, pulled down by a skeleton. The boys all look on, horrified. Tsubasa holds Ruka back and Natsume reaches desperately for Mikan, calling for her by name, but it’s too late. She’s gone.

The last thing she does is begin to call for Natsume, but she’s lost now. Finally, Mikan is calling for him, wanting to rely on him, but he’s not able to protect her.

The one time she calls out for him, he can't help her.

Natsume has been trying to keep up appearances and the charade of disliking Mikan, but reaching for her with desperation is something he has to do, even if it reveals that he cares. They have absolutely no way of knowing what Mikan will find in that hole, or if she’ll even come back out in one piece.

Chapter 40

The ground closed back up as soon as Mikan fell through. As Tsubasa and Ruka discuss what could have happened, and Pengy cries, Natsume sits and contemplates. He remembers that Mikan is Yuka’s daughter and comforts himself with that knowledge. He will put faith in the fact that Yuka probably won’t let any harm come to her own child and steels himself. Although Mikan has just been forcibly separated from the group, knowing that she’s not in immediate danger is important to be able to keep going on with the mission. That’s Natsume’s specialty after all, and because of him, they can stay focused on where to go moving forward instead of panicking about the ground opening and swallowing their friend.

But his newfound composure doesn’t change the fact that he had acted in desperation already, calling and reaching out for Mikan in front of both Ruka and Tsubasa. As they make their way through the door that suspiciously opened for them, Tsubasa teases him. First he earnestly tells Natsume that getting angry won’t help anything, least of all with bringing Mikan back, but then he continues to prod. He tells Natsume not to blame himself, even though it must be hard for him to deal with not being able to save Mikan after all of his big talk. This sets Natsume off.

It's almost like Tsubasa wants to be blown up.

It hits too close to home because Natsume is blaming himself. He came onto the mission specifically to use his experience to keep them all focused and safe, so that they could be efficient and effective and make it back in time. Despite all his strategy and quick thinking, he wasn’t able to do anything about the sand trap. In fact, he’d been distracted when it first happened. He may be a child soldier, but the crucial part of that is that he’s still a child, so it makes sense that he would occasionally make mistakes. Still, in his line of expertise, mistakes get you or the people around you killed.

Natsume thinks about his new discovery of the stealing alice as he keeps going, having just blasted Tsubasa away from him. He’d never heard of such an alice, but to him, someone with such complicated feelings of hatred towards his ability and what it has always represented, it’s enticing. One touch and he’d be free forever. Maybe he could get what he’d always thought was impossible, what he’d never dared to imagine: an actual future he’d get to see.

Natsume, Ruka, and Tsubasa get led out of the tunnel by lasers into a vast room, where Shiki and a group of other Z members are waiting for them.

Conclusion

We see further proof of what we'd already known: that Natsume has a fundamentally different life than the rest of them do. His arguing with Mikan over Pengy might seem needlessly cruel, but he does have a point and he's motivated by keeping the group as safe as possible. We also talked about Natsume's imminent death, and how his knowledge of it affects his relationships, particularly with Mikan. Most importantly, we can see that Natsume has failed in his primary goal: he was unable to keep Mikan safe.

Tomorrow, we'll talk about how all these conflicts come to a head in the Z Arc, and what the lasting repercussions might be.

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