#IF THEY WANTED YODA TO TEAM UP WITH ANAKIN THEY SHOULD JUST MAKE IT A SPECIAL SOLO MISSION OF TWO JEDI

[cienie-isengardu]

Star Wars Yoda Issue #8

[hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall]

The one with the Force - part 1

Pairing: Obi Wan x F!OC Medic

Words: 3 041

Warning: Nothing in this chapter. 

Summary: New meetings aren’t always oh, so great

A/N: So here it is the first chapter of my Obi Wan x Medic story. I hope you guys will enjoy it ;) 

There were a lot of things Obi Wan Kenobi wasn’t sure of during this war. How long would it take, how many more of his men he would be forced to see dying, or how many times will Anakin disobey his order. But there was one thing General Kenobi knew for sure. He was tired and in pain. As much as the first one has become some kind of formality for him since his Master died, the second one was becoming an issue. It’s not like he didn’t go to the medics after each mission. But there always seemed to be an emergency before he was able to heal, he always felt like one of his lungs was collapsing, or just a rib making it harder to breathe. He never said it to anyone, but he just wanted to rest. He wanted the war to finally be over, so he, Obi Wan Kenobi could go and have a whole day just to himself. He knew it was selfish, but he didn’t care at this point.

So when he heard a beeping he didn’t stop the groan leaving his lips. He hoped he would at least have an hour for himself, to just lay around and let his body heal. He wasn’t the 20 years old Padawan like Anakin or Ashoka, who seemed to never get tired.

“We need you at the deck”, of course they did. He appreciated Cody, and Force, he couldn’t ask for a better Commdender, but damn, did he hate him at this particular moment. He could feel there was a commotion around. The clones were running around more frantically than normally, as if they were preparing for something.

“Apologies General, but we got a call from Master Windu and Master Yoda” he smiled softly at the Clone and nodded his head, preparing himself mentally for yet another exhausting mission.

“Masters, how can I help you?” He welcomed both of them, trying to hide how much he didn’t want to take part in this briefing.

“We have some good news, Obi Wan”, Windu started and Kenobi knew he must be tired, cause he swore he saw the older Jedi smile. “For a while now, in top secret, we have been preparing a special operation.” He never liked anything that had a ‘top secret’ in its name. Especially if it was a secret, even he didn't know about. But he knew better to ask, so he just nodded as a sign of listening. “We prepared 10 teams of medics that would be deployed to each of the most crucial bases, that would consist of the most well-trained healers we have. All the Jedi Generals should have a healer for themselves, that would help you to be better prepared for the next battles.” It wasn’t easy to surprise Master Kenobi, but Kriff was he in awe. “There is a ship coming your way, with your medics. You and Skywalker will have your own private ones that will follow you through your missions. Whether you take them with you or leave them at the base is up to you.” The silence seemed to stutter for way too long, he felt it, and yet he wasn’t sure how to respond.For the first in a very long time, he didn’t know what to say, and he couldn’t wait to see Anakin’s face when he’s going to find out.

“I won’t lie Master Windu, this is probably the best news I have heard for a very long time”, he chuckled to himself. “I didn’t know we were even preparing something like that.”

“Teams like that would give a lot of hope and probably boost our morale, yes”, he stopped and sighed.

“However, sure whether this would work we were not. Losing that boosted morale would have been a critical punch if we failed. Why this is, it is a secret we decided to make, even from you, master Obi Wan. Yes, hrrrm”, leave it to Master Yoda, to always truly know what he really thought.

“Understood, Master”, the younger Master nodded. “We will prepare everything for them to land, then. How big are the teams?”

“No big, around 5-10 people, depending on the amount of soldiers we have.” Windu answered. “They are well trained”, there was a pause and then a sigh “Trained by the best one of them.” There was something about it that didn’t sit well with Kenobi. “She will be appointed to you Kenobi. She is the head healer, however”, yet another sigh and even Yoda had to chuckle to himself. “Be wary, she is hard to take in.”

***

“So there we are”, she turned and smiled at the Twi’leks, second in command, head medic of her team and one of her best friends. “I didn’t believe it would work. When Yoda and Windu accepted that silly idea of yours, I was sure they were out of their minds, or desperate.”

“Probably both”, she smiled to herself playing with her hair nervously. “And it’s good to know that you consider this mission silly, Dia.”

“Not anymore, but the idea itself was very controversial”, the Twi’leks rolled her eyes. “Not to mention that you are still just a kid, Nara”, Dia laughed when her friend’s fist landed on her arm.

“I’m 27, thank you very much!!” She crossed her arm in front of her and smiled fondly, at her friend. “I am just a kid, right? It’s scary. I remember when we started the studies, I would never have imagined that I would be a head of medics at the age of 25 and be a part of the War against those scums.” They both came silent. It was unbelievable, truely, but there was no time for that. “I have to be honest. I’m nervous. When I proposed the idea, I didn’t think we would become private medics for the Generals. We will have a lot of work to do, you know?”

“Yeah, I heard stories of Anakin Skywalker. But General Kenobi doesn’t sound much better”, there was a pause and a mischievous smile crossed Dia’s lips. “But I don’t think you mind that much.” Nara blushed a little bit and looked at the window, preparing herself mentally for the landing.

***

Hard to take in. He wasn’t sure what Master WIndu meant by that, but Kenobi was sure that he had forgotten that he had Anakin as his Padawan for a long time. If the healer was the head medic, then she was probably an older lady. Nothing to worry about, he was sure. As much as he would get healed after his mission, he couldn’t care less, of whatever the old lady would talk about. He smiled to himself seeing a small cruiser landing. This new team would be a blessing for them. Of this he would be sure. A moving medic station was a brilliant idea that may change the course of the War.

“There seems to be 5 medics and 2 pilots on board, with some equipment”, Cody stated calmly. “We have prepared quarters for them just as Master WIndu asked. Two separate ones for the Generals’ medics.” Kenobi nodded and smiled thankfully to the Clone. “That is a nice surprise, if I may say.”

“Yes, definitely. Much better than another briefing on the mission.”, he started to walk to greet the team, frowning not seeing a head medic on the board. The average age of the team seemed to be around 40. “Welcome”, maybe she was still inside…”Thank you for coming. We were briefly informed by Master Windu about the situation, and let me tell you, I can not be more happy to have you here.” The group looked at him and they all smiled. A short, not higher than 160 cm, young girl, with big green eyes and long blonde hair stepped out of line, greeting him with a pleasant smile.

“You must be Master Obi Wan Kenobi!” Her voice was calm and nice for the ears. “My name is Nara Ardan, and I am a head medic.” Well this definitely was a special day in the history of Jedi. It was once again that Master Obi Wan was lost with words. She was definitely not an old, grumpy lady he was expecting. She was young. Closer to Anakin’s age, than… Well, no it must have been a mistake. “It is a great honor to finally meet you! Mace isn’t really a man of compliments, but he does speak highly of you.”

“Mace? You mean Master Windu?” He raised his brow. Not many people outside of the Order would speak his first name. Windu didn’t speak of her other than today, so Kenobi doubted that they were close friends.

“Oh, yes, forgive me. I forgot he hates when I use his first name”, she chuckled and paused when a girl behind her coughed slightly. “Oh, apologies! Please Master Kenobi, please meet my team! This tall drink of water is Dia, my right hand, a second to commend in the medic base, and a new private doctor of Master Skywalker, who I see isn’t present.”

“He does have a mission, with his Padawan”, Obi Wan smiled slightly at Dia, who nodded back. “I do have to apologize in advance, Dia, as a Master I did what I could…” Both women chuckled lightly at the humor.

“These three blocks up there, are the finest men in the galaxy. And they specialize in bacta and internal issues. We ain’t the biggest team, but I can assure you, we are the best at what we do”, a little wink didn’t go unnoticed by the Jedi, who nodded his head. “Fed, Horrad, Gal, please meet General Obi Wan Kenobi.” Their handshake and posture were much more professional than their young boss’. What bothered Kenobi was the fact that the supposed head medic was the youngest out of them. He wouldn’t bother much if she was just the head of the team, however, if what Windu said was true, she was indeed a head of the Republic medics. “Is everything alright, General?” He didn’t realize he was striking his beard, eyes on the girl that was momentarily occupying his mind.

“He has the same reaction as everyone else who found out that a kid like you is head of medics.” Dia murmured, making the Jedi shift uncomfortably. The man sighed and was about to apologize, when the young woman started to laugh.

“You are just 5 years older than me, so shut it will ya?” She turned her head to the Jedi, and it was the first time when the Master saw her serious. “I know and understand that my age may bother you, General Kenobi.” Her voice was still as calm as ever, but Obi Wan could feel it has become more strict and professional to what she sounded previously. “However, please be advised to not underestimate me just because I am a bit closer to the age of your previous Padawan than yours. Especially seeing how the same man seems to have the same respect in your eyes I lack.” He frowned, knowing that despite the softness to her voice, she was making a point. “However, as much as I understand that the respect must be earned and not just given, I ask one simple thing from you, Master Jedi.” She closed the gap that was separating them and looked up, to make sure she was looking straight into his eyes. “That you look at me based on my and my team’s achievements, rather than my age.” And before he was able to respond, she signaled the whole team to follow, asking one of the Clones to show them to their quarters.

“Not gonna lie”, Cody chuckled still looking at surprised Kenobi, “I do like the feisty little Lady”.

******

This was not how she wanted their first meeting to go. She expected the Clones would be wary of her, but seeing at his reputation, she expected more from General Kenobi. The way he looked at her, made her question all of the opinions she held so close about the Jedi Order. Or maybe, it was just her and her nerves getting the better of her…

“I have to admit, that was sexy”, she turned around and raised her brow at Dia, who was standing at the entrance of their medic room. She had to admit, it was bigger than she expected. She wasn’t sure how much time Windu gave them to prepare it but it was a decent start to something much bigger and more organized “I thought your absurd adoration towards Jedi would stop you from fighting for yourself, and there you are”

“Just because I admire them, doesn’t mean I will let them disrespect me, just because I am a little younger than they expected me to be. I was able to persuade Mace, nothing should be more difficult than that.” The woman smiled proudly at her younger friend. There were times when it was her that was responsible for defending the now head of medics. Her low self esteem was the only thing keeping her from being Great. It still pushes her back a lot, but it’s much better than it used to be.

“Yeah, sexy” Nara couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. “I let Fed know of the equipment. He’s taking care of it with the boys” the younger one nodded and smiled thankfully. “Not too many beds.”

“No, but considering that it was put at the last minute, it’s not bad at all”, Dia smirked to herself, seeing how her little friend is already thinking of how to make it better in the most efficient and fastest way possible. If Dia had just one word to describe Nara, it would be Genius. And it wasn’t just a book smart thing. She understood, she adapted and used her gathered knowledge like a genius would. She was the youngest to ever enroll in the academy, and the youngest to finish it as well. However, Dia knew that despite Nara being a genius, nothing really came easy for her. No one spent as much time in the archives and libraries as she did. No one knew as much about the galaxy's medical herbs as she did. She was gifted, smart, talented but most importantly kind hearted. A must have for a healer. “How many bact bombs do we have?”

“Not many I suppose. Making them isn’t as easy as we hoped. Horrad, would probably be of use to you when it comes to that. He would be happy to spend some time playing around it”. A single nod of acknowledgement. Nara was focused on the documentation, preparation and calculation. Dia always wondered what was inside of her friend’s mind when started to doze off and focus on more important issues.

“Here”, she mumbled and gave Dia a list of things she thought were essential for the med room. “I am almost finished with the aid kit update. I still need to think of things or two. I would be grateful if you all would contribute to my ideas… I’m still working on the synthesizer, but it will take me a while, unfortunately. And I will need Fed help with it. Unfortunately I’m rubbish with technology.”

“Then I am sure, Anakin would be more than happy to help”, the both women jumped hearing a voice behind them. “Apologies, my ladies, I did not plan to scare you”. A sheepish smile was sent towards them, and for a second Nara wasn’t sure how this innocent and adorable man was considered one of the biggest threats by the Separatists.

“I did hear Master Skywalker was more than adept with technology. He should easily find things to talk about with the boys.” Dia smiled and looked at Nara, who looked around the room, not to focus too much on the Master. She was truely adorably naive. “I'll send your wish list to the headquarters.”

“Thank you, and please go rest. Send the boys away as well please”, she half-shouted after her girl. “She works too much sometimes, seriously…” She murmured, forgetting for a second that she was not alone. “She… We were working until late yesterday so they didn’t get much sleep… You know…” She answered, playing with her little pen. Obi wan smirked to himself. It has been a while since he saw someone using something as simple as a pen.

“What about you? You don’t seem to plan on resting”, he raised his brow at her, and walked inside the room. He hated med rooms, but for some reason it didn’t bother him to be in one right now.

“First couple of days are crucial for us to build a strong and study med bay. I still have some things to do. As a head of med team I also need to contact other teams, to supervise how the situation looks like in other places. I don’t need that much sleep.” She bit her lip nervously, looking away. “But don’t worry I won’t forget about my duties as your private medic.” If she looked up, she would have noticed how his eyes softened and her comment. A small smile crept upon his lips and a weird sense of calmness spread inside of him. “You do have a lot of work.I do not wish to keep you busy, however, I do want to apologize.” This time her eyes traveled up to meet his blue ones, not expecting to hear that. “You are right, your age did surprise me. You are very young for someone who holds such an important position. However, I trust that I made a great mistake judging you before you had a chance to prove yourself.” He bowed slightly, making her take a step back by surprise. “Forgive me, I hope we can start off again on better terms.” A surprise was quickly replaced by a small, soft smile that brightened her whole face. She took some step forward and extended her hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, General Kenobi. I am Nara Ardan, I am a head of medics. I can’t wait to start working with you.”

“Pleasure is all mine, Miss Ardan.”

[imtheonetheycallme]

The one with the Force - Chapter 1

So this happened. I have been fighting with myself whether I want to publish it, but well, OK.

English isn't my first language, so I do apologise for any silly (or less silly) mistakes :)

If you prefer to read it on AO3, you are more than welcome ;)

Plot A new tactic has been introduced to help the Jedi and the Clones to fight the War. A young, clumsy and stubborn head of medic and a respected Jedi Master may not be the best mix, however, for some reasons, the Force decided other way.

Pairing: Obi Wan Kenobi x Original Female Character

Warning: nothing in this chapter.

Words: 3 041

There were a lot of things Obi Wan Kenobi wasn’t sure of during this war. How long would it take, how many more of his men he would be forced to see dying, or how many times will Anakin disobey his order. But there was one thing General Kenobi knew for sure. He was tired and in pain. As much as the first one has become some kind of formality for him since his Master died, the second one was becoming an issue. It’s not like he didn’t go to the medics after each mission. But there always seemed to be an emergency before he was able to heal, he always felt like one of his lungs was collapsing, or just a rib making it harder to breathe. He never said it to anyone, but he just wanted to rest. He wanted the war to finally be over, so he, Obi Wan Kenobi could go and have a whole day just to himself. He knew it was selfish, but he didn’t care at this point. 

So when he heard a beeping he didn’t stop the groan leaving his lips. He hoped he would at least have an hour for himself, to just lay around and let his body heal. He wasn’t the 20 years old Padawan like Anakin or Ashoka, who seemed to never get tired. 

“We need you at the deck”, of course they did. He appreciated Cody, and Force, he couldn’t ask for a better Commdender, but damn, did he hate him at this particular moment. He could feel there was a commotion around. The clones were running around more frantically than normally, as if they were preparing for something. 

“Apologies General, but we got a call from Master Windu and Master Yoda” he smiled softly at the Clone and nodded his head, preparing himself mentally for yet another exhausting mission. 

“Masters, how can I help you?” He welcomed both of them, trying to hide how much he didn’t want to take part in this briefing. 

“We have some good news, Obi Wan”, Windu started and Kenobi knew he must be tired, cause he swore he saw the older Jedi smile. “For a while now, in top secret, we have been preparing a special operation.” He never liked anything that had a ‘top secret’ in its name. Especially if it was a secret, even he didn't know about. But he knew better to ask, so he just nodded as a sign of listening. “We prepared 10 teams of medics that would be deployed to each of the most crucial bases, that would consist of the most well-trained healers we have. All the Jedi Generals should have a healer for themselves, that would help you to be better prepared for the next battles.” It wasn’t easy to surprise Master Kenobi, but Kriff was he in awe. “There is a ship coming your way, with your medics. You and Skywalker will have your own private ones that will follow you through your missions. Whether you take them with you or leave them at the base is up to you.” The silence seemed to stutter for way too long, he felt it, and yet he wasn’t sure how to respond.For the first in a very long time, he didn’t know what to say, and he couldn’t wait to see Anakin’s face when he’s going to find out. 

“I won’t lie Master Windu, this is probably the best news I have heard for a very long time”, he chuckled to himself. “I didn’t know we were even preparing something like that.”

“Teams like that would give a lot of hope and probably boost our morale, yes”, he stopped and sighed.

“However, sure whether this would work we were not. Losing that boosted morale would have been a critical punch if we failed. Why this is, it is a secret we decided to make, even from you, master Obi Wan. Yes, hrrrm”, leave it to Master Yoda, to always truly know what he really thought. 

“Understood, Master”, the younger Master nodded. “We will prepare everything for them to land, then. How big are the teams?” 

“No big, around 5-10 people, depending on the amount of soldiers we have.” Windu answered. “They are well trained”, there was a pause and then a sigh “Trained by the best one of them.” There was something about it that didn’t sit well with Kenobi. “She will be appointed to you Kenobi. She is the head healer, however”, yet another sigh and even Yoda had to chuckle to himself. “Be wary, she is hard to take in.”

***

“So there we are”, she turned and smiled at the Twi’leks, second in command, head medic of her team and one of her best friends. “I didn’t believe it would work. When Yoda and Windu accepted that silly idea of yours, I was sure they were out of their minds, or desperate.” 

“Probably both”, she smiled to herself playing with her hair nervously. “And it’s good to know that you consider this mission silly, Dia.”

“Not anymore, but the idea itself was very controversial”, the Twi’leks rolled her eyes. “Not to mention that you are still just a kid, Nara”, Dia laughed when her friend’s fist landed on her arm. 

“I’m 27, thank you very much!!” She crossed her arm in front of her and smiled fondly, at her friend. “I am just a kid, right? It’s scary. I remember when we started the studies, I would never have imagined that I would be a head of medics at the age of 25 and be a part of the War against those scums.” They both came silent. It was unbelievable, truely, but there was no time for that. “I have to be honest. I’m nervous. When I proposed the idea, I didn’t think we would become private medics for the Generals. We will have a lot of work to do, you know?” 

“Yeah, I heard stories of Anakin Skywalker. But General Kenobi doesn’t sound much better”, there was a pause and a mischievous smile crossed Dia’s lips. “But I don’t think you mind that much.” Nara blushed a little bit and looked at the window, preparing herself mentally for the landing. 

***

Hard to take in. He wasn’t sure what Master WIndu meant by that, but Kenobi was sure that he had forgotten that he had Anakin as his Padawan for a long time. If the healer was the head medic, then she was probably an older lady. Nothing to worry about, he was sure. As much as he would get healed after his mission, he couldn’t care less, of whatever the old lady would talk about. 

He smiled to himself seeing a small cruiser landing. This new team would be a blessing for them. Of this he would be sure. A moving medic station was a brilliant idea that may change the course of the War. 

“There seems to be 5 medics and 2 pilots on board, with some equipment”, Cody stated calmly. “We have prepared quarters for them just as Master WIndu asked. Two separate ones for the Generals’ medics.” Kenobi nodded and smiled thankfully to the Clone. “That is a nice surprise, if I may say.” 

“Yes, definitely. Much better than another briefing on the mission.”, he started to walk to greet the team, frowning not seeing a head medic on the board. The average age of the team seemed to be around 40. “Welcome”, maybe she was still inside…”Thank you for coming. We were briefly informed by Master Windu about the situation, and let me tell you, I can not be more happy to have you here.” The group looked at him and they all smiled. A short, not higher than 160 cm, young girl, with big green eyes and long blonde hair stepped out of line, greeting him with a pleasant smile. 

“You must be Master Obi Wan Kenobi!” Her voice was calm and nice for the ears. “My name is Nara Ardan, and I am a head medic.” Well this definitely was a special day in the history of Jedi. It was once again that Master Obi Wan was lost with words. She was definitely not an old, grumpy lady he was expecting. She was young. Closer to Anakin’s age, than… Well, no it must have been a mistake. “It is a great honor to finally meet you! Mace isn’t really a man of compliments, but he does speak highly of you.” 

“Mace? You mean Master Windu?” He raised his brow. Not many people outside of the Order would speak his first name. Windu didn’t speak of her other than today, so Kenobi doubted that they were close friends. 

“Oh, yes, forgive me. I forgot he hates when I use his first name”, she chuckled and paused when a girl behind her coughed slightly. “Oh, apologies! Please Master Kenobi, please meet my team! This tall drink of water is Dia, my right hand, a second to commend in the medic base, and a new private doctor of Master Skywalker, who I see isn’t present.” 

“He does have a mission, with his Padawan”, Obi Wan smiled slightly at Dia, who nodded back. “I do have to apologize in advance, Dia, as a Master I did what I could…” Both women chuckled lightly at the humor. 

“These three blocks up there, are the finest men in the galaxy. And they specialize in bacta and internal issues. We ain’t the biggest team, but I can assure you, we are the best at what we do”, a little wink didn’t go unnoticed by the Jedi, who nodded his head. “Fed, Horrad, Gal, please meet General Obi Wan Kenobi.” Their handshake and posture were much more professional than their young boss’. What bothered Kenobi was the fact that the supposed head medic was the youngest out of them. He wouldn’t bother much if she was just the head of the team, however, if what Windu said was true, she was indeed a head of the Republic medics. “Is everything alright, General?” He didn’t realize he was striking his beard, eyes on the girl that was momentarily occupying his mind. 

“He has the same reaction as everyone else who found out that a kid like you is head of medics.” Dia murmured, making the Jedi shift uncomfortably. The man sighed and was about to apologize, when the young woman started to laugh.

“You are just 5 years older than me, so shut it will ya?” She turned her head to the Jedi, and it was the first time when the Master saw her serious. “I know and understand that my age may bother you, General Kenobi.” Her voice was still as calm as ever, but Obi Wan could feel it has become more strict and professional to what she sounded previously. “However, please be advised to not underestimate me just because I am a bit closer to the age of your previous Padawan than yours. Especially seeing how the same man seems to have the same respect in your eyes I lack.” He frowned, knowing that despite the softness to her voice, she was making a point. “However, as much as I understand that the respect must be earned and not just given, I ask one simple thing from you, Master Jedi.” She closed the gap that was separating them and looked up, to make sure she was looking straight into his eyes. “That you look at me based on my and my team’s achievements, rather than my age.” And before he was able to respond, she signaled the whole team to follow, asking one of the Clones to show them to their quarters. 

“Not gonna lie”, Cody chuckled still looking at surprised Kenobi, “I do like the feisty little Lady”. 

******

This was not how she wanted their first meeting to go. She expected the Clones would be wary of her, but seeing at his reputation, she expected more from General Kenobi. The way he looked at her, made her question all of the opinions she held so close about the Jedi Order. Or maybe, it was just her and her nerves getting the better of her… 

“I have to admit, that was sexy”, she turned around and raised her brow at Dia, who was standing at the entrance of their medic room. She had to admit, it was bigger than she expected. She wasn’t sure how much time Windu gave them to prepare it but it was a decent start to something much bigger and more organized “I thought your absurd adoration towards Jedi would stop you from fighting for yourself, and there you are” 

“Just because I admire them, doesn’t mean I will let them disrespect me, just because I am a little younger than they expected me to be. I was able to persuade Mace, nothing should be more difficult than that.” The woman smiled proudly at her younger friend. There were times when it was her that was responsible for defending the now head of medics. Her low self esteem was the only thing keeping her from being Great. It still pushes her back a lot, but it’s much better than it used to be. 

“Yeah, sexy” Nara couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. “I let Fed know of the equipment. He’s taking care of it with the boys” the younger one nodded and smiled thankfully. “Not too many beds.” 

“No, but considering that it was put at the last minute, it’s not bad at all”, Dia smirked to herself, seeing how her little friend is already thinking of how to make it better in the most efficient and fastest way possible. If Dia had just one word to describe Nara, it would be Genius. And it wasn’t just a book smart thing. She understood, she adapted and used her gathered knowledge like a genius would. She was the youngest to ever enroll in the academy, and the youngest to finish it as well. However, Dia knew that despite Nara being a genius, nothing really came easy for her. No one spent as much time in the archives and libraries as she did. No one knew as much about the galaxy's medical herbs as she did. She was gifted, smart, talented but most importantly kind hearted. A must have for a healer. “How many bact bombs do we have?” 

“Not many I suppose. Making them isn’t as easy as we hoped. Horrad, would probably be of use to you when it comes to that. He would be happy to spend some time playing around it”. A single nod of acknowledgement. Nara was focused on the documentation, preparation and calculation. Dia always wondered what was inside of her friend’s mind when started to doze off and focus on more important issues. 

“Here”, she mumbled and gave Dia a list of things she thought were essential for the med room. “I am almost finished with the aid kit update. I still need to think of things or two. I would be grateful if you all would contribute to my ideas… I’m still working on the synthesizer, but it will take me a while, unfortunately. And I will need Fed help with it. Unfortunately I’m rubbish with technology.”

“Then I am sure, Anakin would be more than happy to help”, the both women jumped hearing a voice behind them. “Apologies, my ladies, I did not plan to scare you”. A sheepish smile was sent towards them, and for a second Nara wasn’t sure how this innocent and adorable man was considered one of the biggest threats by the Separatists. 

“I did hear Master Skywalker was more than adept with technology. He should easily find things to talk about with the boys.” Dia smiled and looked at Nara, who looked around the room, not to focus too much on the Master. She was truely adorably naive. “I'll send your wish list to the headquarters.”

“Thank you, and please go rest. Send the boys away as well please”, she half-shouted after her girl. “She works too much sometimes, seriously…” She murmured, forgetting for a second that she was not alone. “She… We were working until late yesterday so they didn’t get much sleep… You know…” She answered, playing with her little pen. Obi wan smirked to himself. It has been a while since he saw someone using something as simple as a pen. 

“What about you? You don’t seem to plan on resting”, he raised his brow at her, and walked inside the room. He hated med rooms, but for some reason it didn’t bother him to be in one right now. 

“First couple of days are crucial for us to build a strong and study med bay. I still have some things to do. As a head of med team I also need to contact other teams, to supervise how the situation looks like in other places. I don’t need that much sleep.” She bit her lip nervously, looking away. “But don’t worry I won’t forget about my duties as your private medic.” If she looked up, she would have noticed how his eyes softened and her comment. A small smile crept upon his lips and a weird sense of calmness spread inside of him. 

“You do have a lot of work.I do not wish to keep you busy, however, I do want to apologize.” This time her eyes traveled up to meet his blue ones, not expecting to hear that. “You are right, your age did surprise me. You are very young for someone who holds such an important position. However, I trust that I made a great mistake judging you before you had a chance to prove yourself.” He bowed slightly, making her take a step back by surprise. “Forgive me, I hope we can start off again on better terms.” A surprise was quickly replaced by a small, soft smile that brightened her whole face. She took some step forward and extended her hand. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, General Kenobi. I am Nara Ardan, I am a head of medics. I can’t wait to start working with you.” 

“Pleasure is all mine, Miss Ardan.”

[phoenixyfriend]

The Family Tree is... a Disaster

Takes place in the TCW Leverage AU. It does contain a few deviations, namely that the narrative ended up shifting Plo's role in Ahsoka's life, and Ventress's role overall.

This is mostly just dialogue where I outline the fuckery that is the disaster lineage family tree, not actual fic. It stemmed from my incessant need to justify "25yo Obi-Wan somehow got custody of 9yo Anakin without Shmi dying."

Warnings for: canon character death (modernized), canon violence (modernized), and references to Nazis and white supremacists (Palpatine collects WWII weaponry as a parallel to his canon display of Sith artifacts in his office as chancellor, and Ahsoka thinks it's sketchy)

----

"Okay," Cody says, setting down a glass of whiskey as he drops into the seat across the table. "What the hell is your family tree like?"

Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow, and continues cleaning off the definitely-not-stolen crystal komodo dragon he'd won in today's job. "I beg your pardon?"

"You and Skywalker," Cody says, gesturing between Obi-Wan, who is just sitting there minding his own business, and Anakin, who is across the closed-for-tonight bar and doing something inadvisable on the pool table. "You've said he was your brother, and mentioned raising him, which, sure, I'm over twenty years older than my youngest brother, people take over parenting roles all the time. But you have different last names, have mentioned stepfamilies that the other doesn't have, reference things as 'your aunt, not mine,' and I am just getting... very confused. I figured it was personal and I could leave well enough alone, but considering your older brother almost shot us today--"

"Okay, Xanatos is not my brother," Obi-Wan immediately says. "Just. I just have to stop you right there. Xanatos was a student of my father's for a time, but I promise he's not family. Nobody except maybe Komari would consider him even close, and she doesn't count since she's in prison for life and the farthest thing from stable."

Cody gestures. "That, Obi-Wan. That's what I'm talking about. I don't even know who Komari is."

Obi-Wan purses his lips in a failed attempt to not smile. "Do you actually want the explanation? It's long and unnecessarily complicated."

"So's mine," Cody snorts. Obi-Wan waits, patient and pleasant, and is rewarded when Cody sighs. "Please."

"Of course, my dear. To answer your first question, though, Anakin is my half-brother." With a smile, Obi-Wan digs a piece of paper and a pen from his briefcase. "So, center of the chain: me, my father Qui-Gon, my grandfather Yan, and my great-grandfather Yoda. With me so far?"

"Easy enough. Do you have to go back that far?"

"Great-grandfather Yoda is still alive and regularly escaping the old folks' home to terrorize younger relatives, so yes," Obi-Wan says. "Given that you may just meet a tiny, meddling relative of mine when he's bored, we do in fact have to go back that far."

"...how old is he?"

"We don't know for sure. A hundred and eight-ish is the best guess." Obi-Wan shrugs. "It's not a huge deal, mostly he likes bothering Anakin these days. Anyway, grandfather. Yan Dooku. Inherited a minory duchy from his maternal grandfather decades back. Mostly hangs around there because he's on terrorist watchlists in the States."

"Oh, lovely."

Obi-Wan grins. "Trust me, it gets worse. Anyway, grandfather never actually married, but spent most of his time with his 'best friend' Sifo Dyas, who died about a decade back."

"Gay?"

"Well, we know that now, but they got together in the seventies, and this was back when they were both working government jobs, so, you know. It happens."

"Good to know," Cody says. "So, Yoda's kid is Yan, who inherited a title and land from a maternal relative, and had a life partner but never married. With you so far."

"All of Yan's kids were adopted," Obi-Wan continues, sketching out the first branch away from the Yan/Sifo partnership. "Rael was actually grandfather's cousin, maternally, and ended up in his custody after getting orphaned at five. These days, he does most of the stewardship duties at the Serenno Duchy. His daughter Nim is teaching military history at a university in Germany."

Cody nods. "Uncle number one is named Rael, technically your dad's cousin, has a daughter. Got it."

"About a decade after Rael, they adopted my father, Qui-Gon. He and grandfather fought, frequently, but they did care for each other. My father was a botanist, did bio-engineering. We'll get back to him later, because he's where things get complicated." Obi-Wan made sure to leave room around the name. "Just a few years older than me was--is--Komari Vosa. She is... serving a life sentence. I think she fought Jango once."

"She fought my father?"

"To the best of my knowledge, they both almost died, yes," Obi-Wan says. "She's in maximum security these days. She was an assassin. I'll get a call if she breaks out, and I'll let you know along with everyone else."

"Bad news auntie, got it."

"Last adoption, sort of, is Ventress," Obi-Wan finishes off. "A few years younger than me, is technically grandfather's personal assistant and does secretarial work and the like, but we all know he's planning to leave as much of the inheritance to her as he is to the rest of us. She's aggressive and unpleasant, but she takes care of him and hasn't actually threatened to kill any of us yet, so that's fine."

"How'd she join?" Cody asks.

"Ky Narec was a friend of Qui-Gon's; Ventress was his daughter. Ky died a few years after Qui-Gon did, and Ventress was a mess, after." Obi-Wan shrugs and scratches that connection into the little sketch of a family tree as well. "Grandfather offered her a job until she got herself back together, and then she just kind of... stuck around."

"Youngest aunt, more of a cousin." Cody summarizes. "Now we go back to your father?"

"Qui-Gon Jinn was a man of many skills," Obi-Wan says drily. "Adequate birth control was not one of them."

It's almost a pity that Cody wasn't drinking anything, because going by the way he chokes, Obi-Wan's pretty sure the spit take would have been spectacular.

"I'm sorry," Cody says. "Can you repeat that?"

"I was an accident," Obi-Wan says, not even bothering to hide his smile. "So was Anakin."

"So that sounds like... a story."

"It is," Obi-Wan confirms. "My biological mother has never been in the picture. They had a fling, she wasn't sure if she'd want to abort or give me up, just that she wasn't ready to be a parent, and Qui-Gon volunteered to take full custody so she could go back to her life after the birth. I've never met her, but I kept her family name. You can consider her irrelevant beyond that."

Cody nods.

"So, when I was about a year old, Qui-Gon reconnects with an old flame, they get married two years later. Step-mother number one is Tahl. Lovely woman, I absolutely adored her, and she had a daughter, my stepsister, Bant Eerin."

"I met her, right?" Cody asks.

"Yes, she was the doctor who patched up my bullet wound a few months ago," Obi-Wan says. "With the giant glasses that make her look a little fish-eyed."

"She was nice."

"She is," Obi-Wan agrees. "At any rate, that was our family for a while, and then Tahl died when I was fourteen. Bant wanted to go to a magnet school for medical studies, and Qui-Gon's grief was... not optimal for taking care of multiple teenagers, shall we say, so Bant moved in with her paternal uncle, Kit Fisto, and Kit's son Nahdar. He's a marine biologist, incredibly friendly, and has no idea of any of the rest of my side of the family's questionable activities. If you ever meet him, you will pretend that we are a legal firm with a team of security consultants."

Cody raises a brow. Obi-Wan despairs. "Best you could do?"

"We're not that likely to run into him." Obi-Wan draws out a new line. "So, Qui-Gon deals poorly with grief. This is also around the time that Xanatos came around to ruin our lives a little. He was a very rich and unpleasant man, but he's dead as of four hours ago, so you don't have to worry about him. Or his son."

"His son?"

"Anakin handled that," Obi-Wan says. "Thoroughly. Granta Omega is no longer an issue. He's not dead, but... well. Anakin has his ways. Er--I should probably mention Feemor; he was my father's assistant at the university for a long time. Anakin and I still call him our uncle."

"Also a person to avoid mentioning criminal activity to?" Cody prompts.

"Well... no, but only because I don't think he'd care. The man is, forgive me, more of a 'walking sweatervest' than I am. He's a very bland and unassuming man. He once described himself as the background character of the soap opera that is my family's existence."

"Sounds like a charmer."

"Oh, he's very kind and clever, and witty as well. I adore him, and he really is family. He's just also very, very normal. Not boring, but..." Obi-Wan trails off and shrugs helplessly. "He's an editor for an agricultural research journal. Also not someone I anticipate us running into."

"Noted."

"Right, so, Qui-Gon dealing poorly with his grief didn't involve much drinking, but there were a few months of him trying to... lose himself in the pleasures of the flesh?" Obi-Wan tries, and then deflates at the look on Cody's face. "He was slagging around. Shmi got pregnant with Anakin, who was born when I was sixteen. Shared custody at first, Qui-Gon got him weekends and every other holiday, that sort of thing, and then they got married because they actually did like each other well enough, and it was easier on the taxes."

"So Shmi is stepmother number two."

"Shmi is stepmother number two, yes." Obi-Wan sketches in Anakin and Shmi. "About nine and a half years after Anakin was born, Shmi and Qui-Gon were in a car accident with... well, it later turned out it wasn't an accident, there was a hitman called Maul involved, he's actually Ventress's second cousin or something, I don't know. Grandfather handled most of that problem. Qui-Gon died, Shmi was in intensive care, and I got custody of Anakin as his nearest adult relative. We weren't very close before that, because I was off at university by the time he was old enough to form memories, but that changed once he started living with me. I more or less raised him as a single parent from that point."

"This is why he jokes that you're like a father to him."

"Precisely," Obi-Wan says. "Shmi took about a year to recover enough to move again, and grandfather covered the costs. She still had to live with a dedicated carer and attend daily physical therapy. At that physical therapy, she met Cliegg Lars, whose son Owen was also a patient there. They hit it off, and three years later, they married. When Anakin refers to his stepfamily he's talking about the Lars out in Nevada."

"Nevada?"

"They have a farm. A very, very normal one. We don't drag them into our activities, unless we have an at-risk person who needs a safe house." Obi-Wan pauses, and then decides this really needs to be stressed. "This is important to me and Anakin, that we don't get them involved unless there's absolutely no other choice. Shmi's been through a lot, and the Lars are busy enough running the farm."

"Works for me," Cody says. "We've got enough safe houses that it shouldn't be an issue. I'm guessing this story doesn't end there, though."

Obi-Wan grimaces. "My own love life has been... a bit of a mess."

"I already know about Kryze, at least."

There's that. "I was temporarily engaged to a friend, Siri Tachi, shortly after high school. We were in a relationship, but this was mostly something done to appease a relative of hers that was getting overbearing to the point of absurdity, and she couldn't just cut them off. We broke off the engagement after the relative passed, and we're still friends."

He notes that down, then adds the other embarrassment of his early years. "First marriage was actually a drunken joke between myself and my best friend when we were in college. We got it annulled a few months later because we just didn't have time to drop by the courthouse before then, and he's actually engaged to Asajj now."

"Asajj?" Cody asks, watching in fascination as Obi-Wan tries to mark in both his own short marriage and the newer, long-term engagement without crossing any lines. He settles for just writing the name twice and including an asterisk with 'this is the same person.'

"Ventress," Obi-Wan clarifies. "Yeah, Quinlan's a fun guy. His little sister, Aayla, treats Anakin like a beloved younger cousin."

"Are they also off-limits for criminal activity?"

"No, Aayla's the one that taught Ahsoka how to vent-crawl," Obi-Wan says. "And I'm pretty sure Quinlan has contacts in every major government branch, criminal organization, and Fortune 500 company on the planet. I reach out to them regularly."

"Resources, then."

Obi-Wan nods. "Some time later, I married Satine. We had a son; you've met Korkie. We split due to incompatibility a year and change before Qui-Gon's death. Satine doesn't engage in criminal activity, but Bo-Katan is..."

"I've met Bo-Katan. I know what she's like, Obi. You don't have to explain."

"She works with Maul sometimes."

"...the man who killed your father?"

"Yes. It's all very stupid and convoluted." Obi-Wan still writes her in. "So, that's them. Korkie goes to boarding school, and I try not to involve him in anything. Anakin and Ahsoka like to teach him self-defense and the like, but Satine is adamant that he stay unaware of my less legal dealings until he's an adult."

Cody shrugs. "Makes sense. Is that every--wait, no, Skywalker's married."

Obi-Wan grins. "Yes, and Padme's got twins on the way."

"I was there when he told us," Cody says drily. "He was very loud about it. Okay, how does Ahsoka fit in?"

"Hold on, I forgot Beru," Obi-Wan mutters. "Owen's fiancee. Same rules as the Lars. Okay, you asked about Ahsoka. Right. So. Um."

He dithers. Cody waits for him, and then Obi-Wan just gives up. "Ahsoka, dear, would you like to explain how you joined the family, so to speak?"

Ahsoka looks up from whatever she and the boys are doing--there are multiple beer glasses and straws and duct tape involved, and Obi-Wan doesn't really want to know--and then flips off the table and over to Obi-Wan and Cody. She looks over the family tree chart, and then says, "Oooh, did you tell him about the cult?"

"You were in a cult?" Cody demands.

"No, Komari was. She was head priestess or something. I dunno, it's why she's in prison and stuff."

"I did not tell him about the cult," Obi-Wan mutters, already regretting this. "The Bando Gora aren't a problem anymore. I've already gotten to explaining how you and Anakin know each other."

Ahsoka rolls her eyes, steals his pen, and starts sketching in around Quinlan's name, over by Asajj since Obi-Wan's section is too crowded. "Okay, so, Quinlan's adopted. His dad is Tholme, and Tholme's dad is Plo Koon. Plo Koon is good friends with my Auntie, Shaak Ti, who raised me. They live next door to each other, out in the country, and I'd play in his yard a lot, because he had puppies, and he took me to visit his bees. Whenever Auntie needed a babysitter, she asked Quinlan or Aayla to do it since she knew and trusted them, and Aayla needed pocket money."

"This is so unnecessarily complicated," Cody mutters.

"It is!" Ahsoka chirps. Her grin is far too sharp. "So, this one time, Aayla was watching me when I was fourteen, and she was just helping me with my physics homework. BAM, the door slams open, and in stumbled Skyguy with his arm missing. I've never met him before, and my first introduction is him shortly after he's gotten an unplanned amputation."

Anakin, on the other side of the room, giggles. Obi-Wan just sighs. The Fett brothers appear to be in the land of 'horrified fascination.'

Ahsoka revels in it. "There's blood everywhere, I'm screaming, Aayla's panicking, Anakin's halfway to unconscious and insisting we can't call the hospital, and nobody can get Obi-Wan on the phone. Quinlan's in another country, and Auntie Shaak and Uncle Plo are at a movie, so they've both got their cellphones off. Tholme was faking his death at that point to get away from an incident with the Irish Mob, so we didn't even try him."

"What the actual fuck," Rex breathes.

Ahsoka continues with relish. "We get Bant to pick up, and she's there an hour later with Padme, because Padme knows how to drive the way Skyguy does, and the entire drive there is just Auntie Bant on speakerphone telling Aayla how to stop the bleeding and get him stabilized while Padme's screaming at traffic at the top of her lungs."

"I owe Aayla a fruit basket," Anakin muses aloud. "The anniversary of her saving my life is coming up, it's warranted."

"Five years, baby!" Ahsoka crows. She fist-pumps.

Obi-Wan just drops his head into his hands. "You're killing me, children."

Anakin shrugs, grinning. "You know, I think Fett Senior might have been involved in that fight."

"My shitty dad cut off your arm?" Rex demands.

"No, I think he was busy fighting the Interpol guy," Anakin says. "But he was definitely there. I think. Blood loss kinda got to me after a bit, but I'm pretty sure Jango Fett was there, and also Boba might've been hiding in the getaway car?"

"I need another glass," Cody mutters. He doesn't stand up, though.

"Wait," Rex says. "So who cut off your arm?"

Anakin shrugs with an unsure noise. "Someone tried to convince me it was Grandpa Yan, but he was in the middle of a court case in Italy for some kind of parole violation when it happened, so he had an alibi."

"...did he actually violate parole?" Cody asks, and Obi-Wan thinks he looks like he doesn't know if he actually wants an answer.

Ahsoka shrugs. So does Anakin. Obi-Wan carefully looks at a spot behind Cody, and doesn't explain anything about wine tastings used as covers for illicit arms deals.

"The arm?" Rex prompts, sounding a little desperate to get back to the question he likely thinks is the most important.

"I still say it was Skeevy Sheev," Ahsoka chimes in.

"It wasn't Palpatine," Anakin snaps.

"Your creepy older friend who took you to operas and gives you fancy gifts and knows way too much about swords who was conveniently there to talk to the police and cover for you so you didn't get arrested for getting in the middle of a gang war in the first place, yes," Ahsoka says, dropping into a chair and sighing dramatically. "The guy who definitely hasn't been trying to convince you for a year and change that your wife is cheating on you with your older brother."

"Ahsoka!"

"What? He is."

"Anakin," Rex says, "your life sounds like a trainwreck."

"I'm not going to assume a frail, elderly man cut my arm off!" Anakin protests. "Even if he wanted to, he doesn't exactly have the muscle for it!"

"Grandfather's older," Obi-Wan points out, even though he knows it won't help. "And he definitely still could."

"Ha!" Ahsoka shouts.

"He could have hired someone?" Cody suggests. "Doesn't need to do it himself, if he has enough money."

Obi-Wan has a sneaking suspicion that Cody is deliberately stirring the pot as revenge for Anakin sending him eighty-seven cat memes inside an hour during last night's dinner.

"You all suck," Anakin declares. "Also, what the hell do you mean 'knows way too much about swords,' Ahsoka? You know way too much about swords!"

"Yeah, but I'm like ninety-percent sure that his antiques are Prussian and mid-century German military officer dress uniform relics, and pairing that with the Nazi pistols he's got on display--"

"He's just a history buff! And his family's German, of course he prioritizes that region, it's not like he doesn't have Russian or French or English antiques in there too, it's all sides of the war and--"

"I'm just saying he's almost definitely sending me sketchy glances like he thinks I'm planning to steal the silver on the three occasions you've had me with you when you stop by, and I'm pretty sure it's got less to do with my criminal record and more to do with me being, you know, not white."

Anakin looks ready to blow, so Obi-Wan interrupts. "Ahsoka, you were explaining how Anakin passing out on Aayla and scaring us all half to death led to your friendship?"

Ahsoka blinks at him, and then sticks her tongue out at Anakin and turns back to the chart. "So basically, Skyguy had to recuperate in Uncle Plo's living room for a week or two, and I kept showing up to bother him because he was bored and nobody would give him a laptop for 'security reasons,' because he had to lay low and stuff. He made me help him sketch out designs for a prosthesis and do all the writing for the math he had to do for the 3D printer, and we got to chatting."

Ahsoka hops up and back onto a table, legs swinging below her. "I decided he was cool and started following him around while he was getting used to only having one hand, mostly because I was bored. He showed me how to hotwire a car, and explained the best places to put a bug if you were looking to make it sneaky, and he picked my pocket to show off so many times when he was walking around Uncle Plo's house that I made him teach me that, too. And, uh, then Aayla found out and they got into a shouting match about it and decided they both needed to teach me parkour so I could get out of any mess I got myself into, since I was obviously going to follow them into a life of crime."

"And you did," Anakin says, far too proudly. "You're the best thief in this half of the country."

"Only because Aayla moved out east."

Anakin rolls his eyes and pulls Ahsoka into his side, digging his knuckles into her skull. "Best thief! You are the best thief! Be proud of yourself!"

"Let go!"

"Never!"

Obi-Wan sighed heavily and rubbed at his forehead. "Children, please."

"You're not my dad," Ahsoka growls out at him. "Skyguy, I'm going to bite you!"

"Good luck, the only arm you can access is the one that's going to break your teeth."

Ahsoka shrieks in outrage and stomps on Anakin's instep.

It's almost funny, for all that Obi-Wan's seen it play out a million times before, but the really interesting part is seeing Rex's look of fond dismay.

Obi-Wan thinks he might be adding a branch out to the Fetts soon. He's not actually sure if Rex is interested in Anakin or Ahsoka, and he's smack dab between them in age, so that's not a help either, but... well. The expression is familiar enough.

"Please tell me you don't match-make," Cody mutters to him.

"No, I plan to let the pieces fall where they will," Obi-Wan responds, just as low, and far more amused. "I'm simply trying to predict where those landings are to be."

Cody looks at him, and then back at the roughhousing trio, and sighs heavily. "You know, I really didn't think that you technically being minor royalty was going to be the least convoluted thing in your story, Obi-Wan."

He laughs, because it's true. "I'm first in line to inherit the title, since Rael denounced his claim. Nim isn't interested, and Qui-Gon's dead, so... I'm next."

Cody makes a face. "Delightful. I'm guessing that's not a connection we can safely make use of."

"No more than the Kryze or Naberries, I'm afraid." Obi-Wan claps him on the shoulder. "Chin up, I've plenty others in the metaphorical rolodex, all far less legitimate and far more amenable to work with our little outfit."

"Rolodex, really?" Cody snorts. "You're not that old."

Obi-Wan smiles winningly. "You don't know how old I am, Cody. All my IDs are fake."

"Anakin's twenty-four, and you're sixteen years older than him, going by the story you just told me," Cody points out. "I do know how to do basic math, Obi-Wan."

"I had to try," Obi-Wan admits. "I threw a lot of information at you all at once; I'd hoped you missed some of the ages in there."

"I have eight brothers," Cody scoffs. "And literally dozens of cousins, plus niblings, uncles, aunts, and so on. I have experience on this."

"If I asked you to list of the age of every single relative you have, you'd be able to do it?"

"Do you want me to draw a chart? I can draw a chart."

Obi-Wan can't help but laugh. "I'd be delighted, my dear."

Cody rolls his eyes, but Obi-Wan thinks--it's hard to tell in the dimmed lights of the closed bar--that there's a hint of a blush on the man's face. Obi-Wan lets himself slouch to the side, drops his head to rest on one fist, indolent debauchery in every line of his body. Cody does his best to ignore him, but Obi-Wan knows how to smile lazily and blink slowly and draw a man in.

(The whole 'indolent debauchery in every line of his body' phrasing is Anakin's, from back when he was a teenager trying to read highbrow literature to impress a cute girl... and to come up with new insults for his older brother.)

"So," Cody says, with a cough meant to somehow distract Obi-Wan from whatever's showing on the man's face. "Why, uh, why is your grandfather on terrorist watchlists?"

"Well, he didn't initially do anything," Obi-Wan says. "He was just a gay man who didn't hide it quite well enough, and had too much money and too white a face for someone to just call the cops on a faulty report. The Red Scare was technically over by that point, I think, but if a few people made suggestions that he was more loyal to the country that gave him a noble title than to the United States... he received a few warnings, of course, and it could have all blown over..."

"But?"

"But my grandfather is not a man to do things by halves, and instead decided that if the government was to list him as a threat, then he would oblige and make himself a threat," Obi-Wan finishes. "Living up to their labels, rolling with the assumptions, whatever you'd like to call it. It all irked him, and so he made some incredibly questionable decisions to make the government's lives harder. Some weren't bad, like donating to anti-war foundations that were protesting the Gulf War and the interventions in Yugoslavia, that sort of thing, and some were... nobody really looks well on gunrunning, you know."

"For fuck's sake..."

"Indeed," Obi-Wan chuckles. "Ironically, he has minimal opinion on the optimal form of economics, for all that virulent xenophobia and the remnants of anti-communism were involved in the whole mess. He just wanted to create problems for the people that were causing him problems."

Cody shakes his head. "I want to judge that, but you've met my father."

"Jango Fett is, indeed, also not a man to do things by halves," Obi-Wan agrees, attempting to nod gravely but breaking into a smile at the end. "That man is absurd."

"At least he's not dragging Boba into it anymore," Cody mutters. He drags over the fresh sheet of paper and pen that Obi-Wan offers him. "Okay, right, let's start with Jaster..."

[positivityjediprince]

okay so tooka luke is working for peli in ANH era and din comes to get the razor crest refuelled or tinkered or whatever and tooka luke just falls asleep on the ship because he is a cat and he's sleepy and din takes off without realising it and luke is like 'welp, maybe i live here now?' and din is like 'NO' and later din is like 'okay'

YES YES YES

Din needs some basic maintenance (so his ship actually takes off lmao) and ofc he doesn't want droids so Luke is called in.

(In this AU were using the Tooka Luke is smaller than normal Luke)

Din is debating whether having the most beautiful being he's ever seen work (very competently) on his ship is worse than droids - because wow that blonde has a beautiful smile, bluest eues and the softest looking ears.

Luke has finished the maintenance and goes to get his tools from the cargo hold. He finds a warm patch of floor (near the engine) and his tooka instincts take over. He's been working all day, and it's harvest season so he's extra tired, he's a cat he needs sleep....a little nap won't do any harm...it smells nice here too and so warm...and ...he's asleep.

By the time either of them realise, Din has taken on a time sensitive bounty at almost the other side of the galaxy so they're stuck together for now.

Din is stressed. Luke is having a great time fixing the ship up properly - which results in Din almost dying when he sees Luke working in a panel and his butt is sticking out (and tail doing a happy cat swish) "She's s beauty, but she's a mess! The wiring is abismal, it's gonna take hours!' cue Din debating if he should stick around to make sure Luke doesn't electrocute himself or if looking at Luke's butt wiggle will kill him.

Cue road trip shenanigans, Luke always some how getting into trouble, Din trying not to get used to having a companion, the two of them pining, and ofc helping random people where ever they go.

Din and Luke are suffering because the other is their perfect match.

Tooka Luke being adorable of course - purring a lot and falling asleep everywhere, including Dins bed cause it smells safe.

Finally they get to the bounty din has to do. He obviously tells Luke to 'stay on the ship Skywalker I'm serious. You always get into trouble and this is dangerous!'

Luke pouts, agrees, then follows him anyway.

They are an amazing badass team and find Grogu.

Now it's the trip back...which is even worse because they've fallen in love! Oh no! And they have a baby! They see the other being a good dad and pine evenmore! But their time together is going to end soon!

They get back to Tatooine...Din drops Luke off at the farm and leaves.

BUT as he leaves the planet he realises no he needs to say goodbye to Luke properly and thank him and - the farm is under attack!

Din and Luke save the day so Beru and Owen live and get to know and love Din and Grgo (And Beru gets to knit that king sized blanket).

Rebellion, Leia, Vader/Anakin, lost hand, Yoda, Empoer all happen, but with the addition of stolen Grogu and Din wining the darksaber.

And Luke is living his best tooka life napping in the Mandolorian sun beaming through the palace windows. And Din is living his best life snuggling his powerful pretty husband every night. And Grogu and his big little sister Rey are living their best life getting spoilt rotten by Beru, Owen, Luke, Din, the rest of the clan Mudhorn morons and the entire of Mandalore!

[thehimbolineage]

My Favourite Quotes From the Revenge of the Sith Novelisation in a Stupidly Long Post.

Because Matthew Stover is a genius. (It’s mostly just quotes that make me sad).

“Across the Republic- in words or pheromones, in magnetic pulses, tentacle-braids, or mental telepathy- the message from the younglings is the same: Don’t worry. It’ll be alright. Anakin and Obi-Wan will be there any minute.”

“It’s not uncommon for an exasperated parent to ask, when faced with offspring who have just tried to pull off one of the spectacularly dangerous bits of foolishness that are stock-in-trade oh high-spirited younglings everywhere, So, which were you supposed to be, Kenobi or Skywalker?”

“Obi-Wan kept hoping to hear some of Anakin's old cocky grin in his tone, but he never did. Not since Jabim. Perhaps not since Geonosis. The war had burned it out of him. Obi-Wan still tried, now and again, to spark a real smile in his former Padawan. And Anakin still tried to answer. They both still tried to pretend the war hadn't changed them.”

“[Obi-Wan] is the ultimate Jedi. And he is proud to be Anakin Skywalker’s best friend.”

“They are closer than friends. Closer than brothers… Neither can imagine their life without the other. The war has forged their two lives into one.”

“Anakin and Obi-Wan would never fight each other. They couldn’t. They’re a team. They’re the team. And both of them are sure they always will be.”

““Anakin.” Obi-Wan’s voice had gone soft, and his hand was warm on Anakin’s arm. “There is no other Jedi I would rather have at my side right now. No other man.”

Anakin turned and found within Obi-Wan’s eyes a depth of feeling he had only rarely glimpsed in all their years together; and the pure uncomplicated love that rose up within him felt like a promise from the Force itself.”

When the Jedi Council asks Obi-Wan to lie to Anakin.

““We-” Obi-Wan shook his head helplessly. “We don’t keep secrets from each other.””

Any time Obi-Wan openly disagrees with and argues with the Council on Anakin’s behalf.

When Anakin loses it at the Council.

““Anakin,” Obi-Wan said softly. He gestured to an empty seat beside him. “Please.”

And something in Obi-Wan’s gentle voice, in his simple, straightforward request, sent his anger slinking off ashamed, and Anakin found himself standing alone on the carpet in the middle of the Jedi Council, blinking.

He suddenly felt very young, very foolish.”

Obi-Wan speaking.

““[Anakin] will stop at nothing to save me, for example, because he thinks I would do the same for him.”

Mace and Yoda gazed at him steadily, and Obi-Wan had to lower his head.

“Because,” he admitted reluctantly, “he knows I would do the same for him.””

Obi-Wan discusses his discontent with making Anakin spy on Palpatine.

““Yes,” [Obi-Wan] said slowly. “That’s why I don’t think [Anakin] will ever trust us again.”

He found his eyes turning unaccountably hot, and his vision swam with unshed tears.

“And I’m not entirely sure he should.””

“For a moment [Padmé] said nothing, but as [Obi-Wan’s] footsteps receded she said, “Obi-Wan?”

She heard him stop.

“You love him, too, don’t you?”

When he didn’t answer, she turned to look. He stood motionless, frowning, in the middle of the expanse of buff carpeting.

“You do. You love him.”

He lowered his head. He looked very alone.

“Please do what you can to help him,” he said, and left.”

Obi-Wan and Anakin’s conversation before Obi-Wan leaves for Utapau.

“So no, it wasn’t that [Anakin] wanted to go. It was more, inexplicably, that he wanted Obi-Wan to stay. There was a cold void in his chest that he was afraid would soon fill with regret, and grief.”

More of that conversation.

“…if he could just tag along and play the Kenobi and Skywalker game for a few days, everything might still be alright.”

“Now [Obi-Wan] really missed Anakin…”

“Which made [Obi-Wan] also aware, again without surprise and without distress, that he would very likely die here.

Contemplation of death brought only the slight sting of regret, and more than a bit of puzzlement. Until this very moment, he had never realised he’d always expected, for no discernible reason-

That when he died, Anakin would be with him.”

Anakin’s first proper words to Windu after finding out about Palpatine.

“Anakin took Mace’s arm in a grip of desperate strength, and used it like a crutch to hold himself upright.

“Obi-Wan…,” he said faintly. “I need to talk to Obi-Wan—!””

Obi-Wan’s beautifully written reaction to Order-66 aboard Bail’s ship.

“A curve of knuckle, skinned, black scab corrugated with dirt and leaking read—

The fringe of fray at the cuff of a beige sleeve, dark, crusted with splatter from the death of a general—

The tawny swirl of grain in wine-dark tabletop of polished Alderaanian kriin—

These were what Obi-Wan Kenobi could look at without starting to shake.

The walls of the small conference room on the Tantive IV were too featureless to hold his attention; too look at a wall allowed his mind to wander…

And the shaking began.

The shaking got worse when he met the ancient green state of the tiny alien seated across the table… The shaking got worse still when he turned to the other being in the room, because he wore politician’s clothes that reminded Obi-Wan of the enemy who still lived.”

“Obi-Wan fought to stay in his chair; the pain inside him demanded motion. It became wave after wave of tremors.”

“Grief punched a gasp from his chest… Obi-Wan sank to his knees beside the fallen Jedi.”

““This wound, no blaster could make.”

An icy void opened in Obi-WAN’s heart. It swallowed his pain and grief, leaving behind a precariously empty calm.”

Obi-Wan’s reaction to the confirmation of Anakin as Darth Vader. (This killed me).

“Obi-Wan, staring, wished that he had the strength to rip his eyes out of his head. But even blind, he would see this forever. He would see his friend, his student, his brother, turn and kneel in front of a black-cloaked Lord of the Sith.

His head rang with a silent scream…

Fumbling nervously, Obi-Wan somehow managed to shut down the holoscan. He leaned on the console, but his arms would not support him; they buckled and he twisted to the floor.

He huddled against the console, blind with pain.”

““Don’t make me kill Anakin,” [Obi-Wan] said. “He’s like my brother, Master.””

“After thousands of hours in lightsaber sparring, they knew each other better than brothers, more intimately than others; they were complementary halves of a single warrior.”

“This was not Sith against Jedi. This was not light against dark or good against evil; it had nothing to do with duty or philosophy, religion or morals.

It was Anakin against Obi-Wan. Personally. Just the two of them and the damage they had done to each other.”

“The man he faces was everything Obi-Wan had devoted his life to destroying: Murderer. Traitor. Fallen Jedi. Lord of the Sith. And here, and now, despite it all…

Obi-Wan still loved him.”-

“This is how it feels to be Anakin Skywalker, forever:

The first dawn of light in your universe brings pain. The light burns you. It will always burn you. Part of you will always lie upon black glass sand beside a lake of fire while flames chew upon your flesh.

You can hear yourself breathing. It comes hard, and harsh, and it scraped nerves already dawn but you cannot stop it. You can never stop it. You cannot even slow it down. You don’t even have lungs anymore.”

“There was no Vader. There was only you. Only Anakin Skywalker.

That it was all you. Is you.

Only you. You did it. You killed her.

You killed her because, finally, when you could have saved her, when you could have gone away with her, when you could have been thinking about her, you were thinking about yourself…

It is in this blazing moment that you finally understand the trap of the dark side, the final cruelty of the Sith—

Because now your self is all you’ll ever have.”

THIS BOOK CAUSED ME PAIN.

[owkse]

Obi Wan Kenobi ~ The Citadel

Chapter 10

Chapter 9

‘You want me to lead this mission?’ You asked in surprise.

You had been called down to the large war room to meet with the council. They had just informed you of the capture of Master Piell, inside the Citadel with his Captain and crew. The council wanted you to lead a mission into the Citadel to free those captured.

‘Do this you can’ said Yoda with a nod.

‘Of course Master, can you pull up the blueprints?’ You asked approaching the large console in the middle of the room.

‘A plan you have?’ Asked Yoda settling on your shoulder, as you zoomed in on the side wall and surrounding area.

‘This is the weakest spot, a dangerous scale I admit, but because of that it’s the most unexpected way of someone breaking in, the carriers just need to land here’ you said pointing to the small alcove.

‘Excellent, a team you want to take?’ Asked Yoda.

‘Yes Master, the domino squad plus Cody and Rex, Master Kenobi and Skywalker have the necessary distraction skills that would come in handy’ you said smirking at Obi Wan.

‘Of course young one, can’t bear to be apart from you’ grinned Obi Wan.

‘I trust the council will organise an extraction team and all the relevant intel?’ You queried.

‘Of course, how do you intend to get past the life scanners?’ asked Windu.

‘That’s where I’m hoping Skywalker’s droid will come in handy, I believe they’ve been tinkering with some battle droids?’ You asked seeing Obi Wan hang his head.

‘He has’ grumbled Obi Wan making you grin.

‘Master’s if it’s ok I’d like to do a few briefings this week, aim to be in action in a weeks time?’ You asked.

‘That can be arranged’ chuckled Plo Koon.

‘Use this room you may, study you must’ said Yoda fondly, tugging some loose hair softly.

‘Yes Master’ you said as the council exited the room, Yoda hopping from your shoulder to his hover pad.

‘You alright?’ Asked Obi Wan, coming to your side, force carry chairs for you both to sit on.

‘I’m nervous, I’ve never been in charge of anything like this’ you admitted, sitting next to the man, both of you settling your feet on the edge of the console.

‘It’s normal to be nervous young one, but all will be fine, you’ll have my help and dare I say Anakin’s as well’ said Obi Wan teasing.

‘Hmm, yes I’m sure you two will create the necessary carnage’ you snorted.

‘Of course my dear’ chuckled Obi Wan.

‘Can I be honest with you Master without this getting back to the council?’ You asked daringly.

‘Of course young one, you can always come to me, but don’t you wish to discuss this with Master Yoda?’ Asked Obi Wan softly.

‘No Master’ you said taking your feet down, leaning your arms on the console edge.

‘Ok, it’s ok I promise’ said Obi Wan sitting up as well, placing his hand to your beginning to rub up and down soothingly.

‘I feel… I feel as though the council are testing me somehow? But I don’t know why?’ You asked looking at Obi Wan.

‘I told them you’d know’ chuckled Obi Wan squeezing your neck gently.

‘I knew it, they did this last time before my trials’ you grumbled.

‘I’m sorry young one, we should be more honest with you’ said Obi Wan.

‘You damn well should be, we are at war, this isn’t a damn game’ you snapped, before taking a deep breath centring yourself.

‘That’s the first time I’ve ever seen you angry’ said Obi Wan continuing to rub your back.

‘It’s been two and a half years since this war has started, the innocent lives lost are already weighing me down’ you whispered.

‘It’s weighing on us all young one, I’ll make you a deal, at any point you need a break no matter how small, you come to me, and I’ll help you’ said Obi Wan.

‘Only if you promise to do the same, it’s only fair’ you said looking into the man’s eyes now.

‘Deal’ smiled Obi Wan his eyes sparkling.

‘Help me study these?’ You asked.

‘Of course my dear’ said Obi Wan, cupping your neck, stroking your skin, before turning with you to the blueprints of the Citadel.

Chapter 11

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

Sorry but what exactly is up with the bad batch arc? I've heard people talk about the issues with echo's white skin but I haven't heard that many bad things about the arc itself? (ik you said you don't want to be negative on your blog so I would absolutely understand if you didn't answer this ask)

Oooooooooooh boy. Well I just had a long, long, LONG rant about it with someone, but I guess I’ve got an excuse to put all of my points onto a post and talk about it publicly now that I got an ask x) I’ll keep it under the cut so I don’t throw my salt in people’s face. I really don’t want to upset people who love that arc - it has redeeming qualities, but overall it pisses me off so much for so many reasons. So here:

The first issue is obviously two members of the Bad Batch (minus Echo) being being just about the furthest thing from maori no matter how much you're willing to stretch it. 

Like... yeah, nah. I wouldn’t even accept Crosshair and Tech (grey haired guy and goggles guy) as Jango’s natural biological sons, nevermind as his clones. 

The problem is that their different appearances are justified by them being described simply as clones with desirable mutations (i.e superpowers). But why the hell did the creators have to change their appearances for that to be a thing? How does that correlate? Sure, the concept of clones with different faces is interesting, except... no, no it’s not, and I’m gonna rant about it in a few secs. But basically it's like they thought giving them different faces would be a good substitute for having different personalities (another thing I’ll come back to). If they really wanted to have buff clones with super eyesight or whatnot they could have just done that, without making them lose what little melanin the lighting of the show had allowed the other Clones to keep. 

But the gigantic problem is... showing that the "regular" clones have VERY distinct identities despite their identical faces has been one of the themes of the show from episode 1. Literally, the first episode of TCW has Yoda taking time out of a mission with galactic stakes to tell the three clones he’s with (who tell him they’re all the same because they have the same faces) that they’re wrong, and that they’re very different in the Force, that their appearance doesn’t matter, that they’re all equally unique and important, and he lists all of their individual skills, strengths and weaknesses. 

And it’s not just me being bothered by that, here’s a post by @cacodaemonia​ saying the same thing. 

Introducing the Bad Batch as "unique" clones who are "different" and "not like their brothers" because they have different faces and skills completely breaks that theme of the show!! Because the entire point of the Clones in TCW is that their faces don't matter, they ARE unique! 

(Plus the Bad Batch’s character designs are so cliche and uninspired it’s just laughable to try and justify bleaching their freaking skin for the sake of visual diversity. 

This took like 10 seconds. I found the first guy by literally googling “soldier movies,” and the other two are Team Fortress characters that look a LOT like Wrecker and Crosshair. One is “Heavy” and one is “Sniper” lmao.

And behold:

The above picture is a Team Fortress reference that I found just by looking up “bad batch clone wars,” so I’m not the only person who sees it.) 

And the batchers don't even have personalities to justify calling them unique! They have no character traits beyond the most cliché american soldier tropes ever. We have a token loner sniper, a token "smart tech guy" who knows everything from xenoanthropology to biology to Separatist computers to sound waves to encryption, a token Badass Brooding Leader and a token “dumb muscle guy.”

I dare anyone to find more about their personalities than this: - Crosshair is the perpetually grumpy sniper who looks down on "regs,” - Wrecker likes to blow up stuff and doesn't like heights, - Hunter is the leader and is friends with Cody, - Tech is smart doesn't trust Echo. 

That’s it, that’s literally it. Four episodes about them and that's all we get. These character tropes are literally the least inventive ever. FFS, Hunter even has a freaking KNIFE! Not a vibroblade, mind you, like in kriffing Star Wars. A knife. Against metal droids. Why. They couldn’t make this more of an american-war-movies cliché fest if they tried. (And sure, he can feel electromagnetic waves so maybe it does make sense for him not to carry a vibroblade and maybe this is nitpicking, but he looks like a ripoff of a Predator character and it pisses me off).

Another thing is that when you introduce characters you have to make them likable - and them despising the normal Clones is a terrible way to do that! And they don't even grow from that because at the end of the 4 episodes arc they just see Rex as not bad "for a reg" and they see Echo as no longer a reg, and both of these things are infuriating! 

The worst thing imo is that Echo then becomes part of them (and irreparably loses his melanin in the process, uuuuuuuuugh) when there is nothing to justify this. 

The dialogue goes like this: 

ECHO: You coming? TECH: Not really our thing. CROSSHAIR: Accolades. WRECKER: Yeah, we're just in it for the thrill. Yo! HUNTER: You sure it's your thing? ECHO: What do you mean? HUNTER: Your path is different. Like ours. If you ever feel like you don't fit in with them, well, find us. (they leave) REX: Those are some of the finest troopers I've ever fought alongside. Echo. You and I go way back. If that's where you feel your place is, then that's where you belong.

Echo doesn't feel like he belongs anymore, okay, but why would he feel like he belongs with the assholes who up to the last five minutes of the mission thought he was probably a traitor, and also verbally expressed that he was not worth saving?? In all of the arc, Echo himself never voices that he feels he’s not ‘like the other Clones’ anymore and that he feels it’s a problem. His relationship with Rex immediately picks up where they left things off - the first thing he does upon being lucid again for the first in over a year is cracking a joke for Rex’s benefit. 

Why would Echo feel like he doesn’t belong in the 501st anymore, when we don't even see him interacting with anyone from his past life except for Rex and Anakin (who are both extremely very supportive of him)?? If there had been one scene of a “regular” Clone (ugh) looking at him with horror and disgust or something, or just Kix and Jesse cracking jokes with Echo awkwardly standing by the side not getting it, I could forgive the show trying to make it feel like he has an identity crisis, but this was so shallow!

The only thing that makes Echo and the Bad Batch’s experiences similar is that they *look* different. It’s so against the themes of the Clones I’m seething just from thinking about it. And what the hell? Echo ALREADY didn’t fit in. That was the WHOLE POINT of Domino Squad. They didn’t fit in because they thought they were better than anyone else because they had trouble getting along with their brothers, so obviously it had to be their brothers’ fault (ahem, Bad Batch?). And you know what happened? Domino Squad OVERCAME that. And Echo and Fives still didn’t “fit in” because their personalities were unique and creative, and they became ARC Troopers because Cody, Rex and the Jedi VALUED THEM FOR PRECISELY THAT. Echo having new and unique skills and a modified appearance is the most bs justification for him feeling like he doesn’t belong!! 

And that brings me to my biggest issue: Rex telling Echo the bad batch are some of the best troopers he's ever met. I'm sorry, based on WHAT? What Rex values above everything is loyalty and brotherhood, and the Bad Batch DOESN'T DISPLAY ANY OF THAT. We never see them even expressing concern for each other! Wrecker treats saving Cody’s life like a trivial issue, because it’s just ‘sO eAsY’ for him, and beyond that we never see them supporting each other or genuinely expressing affection for each other beyond boasting about each other’s skills... 

Sure they can destroy a lot of droids, but they're dismissive of Rex's brothers, and the entire Umbara arc and this arc showed what he thought of that. They keep saying things like "not bad for a reg,” don't show any trust in Rex's skills or experience (even though they can't have been fighting in the war for more than a year and a half when he’s been there from the beginning, and he outranks all of them), they are essentially guerilla fighters which has only minimal value in a galactic war, and they never grow beyond their views of what regs are, and can and can’t do. 

None of that should make them good troopers in Rex's book. Going back to Echo not fitting in, remember who taught the Domino Squad the importance of seeing all of your brothers as important and equally valuable? Shaak Ti, true, but more importantly? 99! The guy the Bad Batch are named after. He did have value and was important and was no less of a trooper than his brothers, even though his mutations made him LESS powerful, not more. (And btw, just from a writing standpoint, the batchers don’t have any weaknesses, which is shit.) Cody and Rex mourned 99 as a true soldier even though it wasn’t his sacrifice that brought them victory (which would have implied that he had value as a soldier and a brother because he saved them, as opposed to him having that value intrinsically), because that’s what a fine trooper is to them. A BROTHER first a foremost, someone altruistic, brave and loyal. The Bad Batch distort the meaning of 99's character with their behavior. They’re not altruistic, their bravery is mitigated by the fact that they’re freaking invincible, so of course they take risks (again, see Wrecker saving Cody without a care because it’s easy to him, as opposed to Rex being ready to run into a burning ship about to explode because his brother is in there, and having to be physically dragged away). The Bad Batch denigrate their brothers for being less skilled, thinking their own abilities make them unique somehow, when 99 could barely fight and was still the one who taught Hevy about being a good soldier. 

And again the batchers don't grow from that. Which is all the more frustrating because the original ending didn’t have Echo joining them, from what I remember of the unfinished episodes, and the arc actually ended with them receiving their medals in front of regular troopers who cheer for them, as opposed to them smugly ostracizing themselves and dismissing the ceremony as trivial and meaningless. (original ending vs s7 ending: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ab1eCfzKamw) 

It’s so annoying. Do you know what characters never had an entire arc dedicated to them and still have far more personality and more interesting designs and more symbolic weight?? 

Jesse, for starters. Kix. Dogma. Cut. Slick. Keeli. Ponds. Rys, Jek and Thire. Commander Doom. Commander Fox. Wolffe. Hevy. Hardcase. 

Cody was a more interesting character just in his RotS appearances. 

Waxer and Boil had one episode about them and then only two cameos plus Waxer’s death, and they’re still some of the most memorable, beloved Clones of the whole show. And Boil was grouchy and prejudiced like Crosshair, but he has so much growth that we could make a whole thread about it. 

I'd say the last problem with the Bad Batch is that it has cash grabbing money hungry vibes. Different faces are more marketable, cliché personalities are more toy-friendly, and it's basically a big ad for the Bad Batch series. And they throw Echo in the Batch at the end for bs reasons (again, it wasn’t in the original ep from what I remember) and they tease Cody in the show to make sure fans will still watch even if they notice the lack of soul. And less melanin sells more at Disney apparently. 

So that’s my whole pissed rant. 

[therealvinelle]

What are your heretical opinions on the clone wars?

Gosh, I have so many.

In essence, though, I disagree fundamentally with the characterization, the worldbuilding, and even the show's premise.

I don't recognize the Anakin Skywalker of The Clone Wars as Anakin Skywalker, they're different people who respond differently to various situations, whose relationships with others are different from what we saw in the movies. Clone Wars Anakin experiences things that make him no longer compatible with the Anakin we meet in Revenge of the Sith. Same goes for Obi-Wan Kenobi, completely unrecognizable. They're both made cooler, more laidback and relatable, dare I say Western, hero archetypes that ultimately lack the essence of what make them Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

I do not forgive that Darth Maul was resurrected and question why they ever felt the need to do so. Darth Maul was left no venue of survival, and more, the character that Savage Oppress discovers in the cavern acts nothing like Darth Maul. Nice for The Clone Wars that they created a character that the audiences liked, but I wish they'd let Darth Maul stay dead, you know?

I disagree with the characters introduced in The Clone Wars, in particular Satine Kryze, Ahsoka Tano, and the Sith characters. The Sith are essentially made into people who were sorted into Slytherin, who do villainous things and are Bad Guys™, where the horror of what it means to become a Sith is lost. The show has Obi-Wan team up with Ventress for a fight, bantering playfully with her no less, I think that about says it.

I also have the apparently controversial understanding that the clones are mirrors of the droids, that is, not actually sentient beings. There's no sign of any chips in canon, Palpatine gives his order and just like that, they carry out Order 66. Now, this is a matter of preference, but this show failed on a very fundamental level to make me invested in the clones, instead I was battered over the head with repetitive clone angst. Had this show made the clones eerie beings that the Jedi trust but the viewers know they should be running from, I would have been much happier. But, that would be my preference, so my big criticism when it comes to the clones is not simply that they were sentient and so very angsty, but that the clone angst was so poorly done.

Then you have gamechanging events like Anakin falling to the dark side in a pointless arc that ended up not mattering at all. It's okay because he forgot about it. Obi-Wan knows this happened, but he never brings it up so it's all good. The avatar for the Light side of the Force died, this also affects nothing. All my problems with that will fuel a post of its own. Just-- my god, that show.

The Clone Wars reads as a fanfiction to me, where the characters have been remade into what the author wanted them to be, they have closer, easier, relationships than in canon(Yoda, while on bedrest, asks Anakin to break him out of the Jedi temple. Tell me that's not a bad fanfiction), their drama is contrived and gamechanging yet the author tries to insist it's all canon compliant ("Okay, so Obi-Wan faked his death, and Anakin's padawan that he has now had her life destroyed by the Jedi council, but it's still compliant with Revenge of the Sith because-- uuhh -- well, Anakin never in RotS said Obi-Wan didn't fake his death, did he? Check and mate."), and we have shiny OCs like Obi-Wan's love interest that Anakin knows about and Anakin's padawan.

Then there's the premise itself. By restricting themselves to the Clone Wars, the creators of this show put a lot of restraints on themselves, as they couldn't change too much and there was nothing that needed real explaining. 23-year-old Anakin is more self-assured and mature than his 19-year-old self while Obi-Wan and Padme are pretty much the same, good for him. That can't carry a TV show, though. And it didn't, this show spent four episodes on droids wandering in the desert and resurrected Darth Maul. That's not a show that has a lot of material to dig into, and makes me think they should have gone for something else.

These are my nutshelled heretical opinions.

[sirikenobi12]

Ok this became a whole damn book but please consider bearing with me lol.

I love Anakin Skywalker. He is possibly my favorite character in any story ever, I even relate to him a lot as someone who as bpd. People can make fun and use terms like "stanakin" and "uwukin" mockingly if they want - I AM a stanakin and I'm never gonna be ashamed of wholeheartedly loving my favorite characters. I don't always vibe with the greater Jedi fandom because of their condescending attitude towards Anakin fans - come on people, get excited about your faves and let people get excited about theirs! But I do love the Jedi themselves, all of them. The order, the council, the whole culture.

As an Anakin fan I think it kind of does his story a disservice to view the Jedi as hating him. Are there times when people in his life could have responded better to him? Yeah! No one is perfect. They could have been warmer in TPM and Yoda's advice in ROTS could have been better, and Anakin could have communicated more as an adult. But they undeniably cared about him and he about them. TCW gives us so much wonderful canon content to go on, but even if you look at just the movies though you can see that his relationship with the Jedi is mostly one of respect. Anakin doesn't always agree with the council, but he still respects them and looks up to them. The council recognizes that Anakin is reckless and emotional, but they also recognize that he's a skilled Jedi and general and they give him real responsibility because they trust he can handle it.

The only time not trusting him is ever discussed is in regards to Palpatine, who is he is close friends with. They can trust him as a person and still know it's best to not trust him in regards to this specific mission because it's too personal.

They didn't make him a Jedi Knight and give him a major responsibility as a leader in a galactic war because they hated him and didn't trust him. And this is still just the movies!

In TCW we see him using their first names and they let him which indicates closeness not formality, we see Anakin and Yoda banter and tease each other, we see freaking Mace Windu and Anakin banter! In one of my favorite early arcs of the show, the Holocron Heist/Children of the Force arc, we see Anakin meditating with Yoda, Mace, and ObiWan to find the children. Not another master or member of the council, but Anakin. Same for when Mace, ObiWan, and Anakin use a Jedi mind trick in unison shortly after that. They trust him for all of these things. They give him a padawan because they believe he's ready for it and that he and Ahsoka can learn from each other. Training another Jedi is a huge responsibility and one of the biggest indicators of how capable they view him. They compliment how Ahsoka grows under Anakin's teachings all the time.

Anakin loved being a Jedi and he loved the other Jedi. They loved him too. The problem was that he had so much rage and pain and trauma - and yeah, I think the Jedi could have helped more but I also know that to get help you have to open yourself which he couldn't do - and that Palpatine took advantage of it at every opportunity. He manipulated Anakin's insecurity and fears about not belonging or being good enough. He flat out lied to Anakin about the council multiple times (for example telling him they were furious about his rescue mission of Plo Koon when we literally saw that they were not). Palpatine fostered a resentment and divide between them that otherwise would not have been there.

I don't know if Anakin would have remained a Jedi or left to be with Padme openly, but without Palpatine's influence everything would have been different. Without Anakin Palpatine still would have had his plan for destroying the Jedi, but without Palpatine manipulations pushing him off the edge I don't think Anakin would have fallen.

Anakin is still responsible for the choices he made, terrible choices that destroyed himself and everything he ever loved. The Jedi were part of what he loved.

That's why he's such a tragic and wonderful character. He was a hero and a victim and villain. Diminishing his relationship with the Jedi, as a Jedi himself, diminishes that story.

I agree with your point, absolutely (I do disagree on a couple of your examples, but not the point you were trying to make so I'll leave them alone).

I think fandom as a whole could be better to one another, I know for myself I never even ever remotely thought of separating Anakin from the Jedi, I always thought the tragedy of his story was that they were a team/family - it wasn't until I started getting attacked by rabid Anakin fans on ANY post that I labeled as "pro Jedi" (even if Anakin wasn't a part of the post).

I think both sides are becoming needlessly defensive against the other. I do feel like I'm a broken record, but even though I'm pro Jedi Council I still love Anakin Skywalker (it is possible to love both) - he's an amazing character. He's also an amazing Jedi and friend and that's what makes his fall so tragic!! If he killed the Jedi simply because the Jedi were "mean" to him and he never really loved them, well that just robs Anakin of his redemption arc. I 100% agree with you on that point. I feel like SW fandom has bought into this Jedi were bad narrative based on a couple of terrible YouTube videos who did it just for clicks and it's really sad. It's like somehow Palpatine has driven a wedge between fans of Anakin and fans of the Jedi, when we all should be on the same team. We all need to remember:

[nevertheless-moving]

Suicidal Misunderstanding XXIII

Part I - - - - - - - - - Part XX - - - - Part XXI - - - - Part XXII

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

The office was quiet but for the occasional shuffling of flimsi and tapping of datapads.

Bail Organa and Mon Mothma pointedly did not exchange a glance behind Padme’s back.

Senator Mothma set down her pad and broke the silence. “Padme...are you alright?” she asked softly.

“I’m fine Mon, let’s just go over the bill,” Padme responded stiffly.

Mothma hesitated. “That’s not the only reason I asked you here, Padme.”

Padme stood, chair scraping gratingly. “I see; I’ve already had the Chancellor pry me today in an attempt to exploit my ‘connections’ to the Jedi—as though they’re droids and not flesh-and-blood people who any average person could strike a friendship with—but I had thought better of you two; I suppose my faith was—”

“That’s not what I meant—” Mon pleaded.

“We’re concerned about you,” Bail insisted gently. “You don’t have to tell us anything about the Jedi that you don’t feel comfortable doing so.”

Padme paused, then reluctantly sat back down.

“My apologies,” she muttured. “It’s been...a long day. I’ve been asked by the Chancellor for help in breaking some news that...I’d rather not.”

The senators waited patiently for Padme to collect her thoughts. She rubbed the bridge of her nose. “General Kenobi has suffered from...force...I really don’t think there’s a way of saying this that doesn’t sound bad.”

“I had heard rumors that he was missing at meetings the last few days...has something serious happened?” Bail asked, concerned.

Padme shuddered. “This office is...”

“It’s clean,” Mothma confirmed quietly. “I have it checked independently anytime I’m gone for more then 15 minutes, with random deep-scans.”

“Would you mind...”

Mon nodded and the three waited in silence until the Chandurllian senator’s pad trilled the all-clear.

“Master Kenobi tried to kill himself earlier this week,” Padme confessed lowly. Mon straightened up in a sudden locking of knees and elbows, face drawn into tight lines. Bail’s hands flew to his mouth, tears forming.

“Knight Skywalker got to him in time, and he was in a coma until this morning when he apparently ‘ranted about ending the one’s responsible for the war’ and then vanished, along with Anakin.”

Mon grew very pale and Bail moved both hands from his mouth to his eyes.

“Fuck,” he said softly. “Just...fuck.”

Padme nodded in agreement and Mon inhaled deeply.

Bail rubbed way tears and straightened up resolutely. “How can we help?” he asked Padme. “How does the Chancellor want to handle releasing the news?”

She smiled weakly. “He’s leaving the exact wording up to me, but wants to make the announcement during the next full Senate gathering.”

“What!” Mon half-shouted, shocked. “There’ll be a riot! Surely a bulletin—even a press conference would be better for encouraging a moderate reaction—people will be shouting before he’s through the first sentence!”

“I know,” Padme agreed with a grimace. “But he wants ‘transparency.’“

“He wants panic,” Bail fumed.

“I’m trying to decide if it would better or worse to include the part about suicide,” Padme said bitterly. “Mental health breakdown and disappearance of the Republic’s highest General doesn’t leave much room for confidence or privacy.”

Mon clutched Padme’s hand in support. “I’ll have a PR team on standby. We can prepare resources for anyone who has questions, avoid conspiracy theories from spinning out. I already had a project on the backburner to put together own set of holoclips of the Jedi working towards peace—a counter to the ‘warmongering’ narrative, so to speak. It should be easy enough to adapt.”

“The Chancellor’s going to turn this into another military spending bill,” Bail predicted grimly. “We’ll make sure there’s a proviso in there to provide actual support for the Jedi in the field; I’ll make sure to get a legal team on viper in the grass duty as soon as the responses start coming out.”

“Thank you,” Padme said, gripping Mon’s hand over-tightly in return. She turned to the Alderannian senator. “I’m sorry Bail, I know you two are close.”

Bail exhaled slowly. “This war...I’ve seen Obi-Wan survive so much, and everytime he pulls off the impossible...”

“He’s rewarded with another burden on his shoulders,” Padme finished sympathetically. “Yes, I’ve been watching the same thing happen to Anakin. It’s—if the separatist movement hadn’t resolved into such a democratic and humanitarian nightmare—”

“You should go home and get some rest, Padme,” Mon urged. “It’s late, and the we’re all going to need to be sharp tomorrow. Who knows, maybe some new information will materialize before the afternoon.”

“Why Mon, that’s almost optimistic of you,” Bail remarked dryly.

Mon flashed him a wry grin, looking at Padme out of the corner of her eye. “Well. She did say Anakin with AWOL—”

“Oh do be quiet,” Padme huffed.

Despite the ever growing desire for sleep, it was another long hour before the Senator from Naboo departed. The pair were just turning to their seats after escorting Padme out when Bail let out a startled yelp; Mon instinctively kicked at the sudden small green blur.

Fortunately, when you’re green and the height of most humanoid’s knees, you become quite experienced at avoiding such reflexive 

“Master Yoda! What are you doing here? How did you even get in?” Senator Mothma staggered backwards, reverting to defensiveness to cover up her embarrassment at attempting to punt the Grandmaster of the Jedi Order.

“Has his ways, a Jedi does,” Yoda replied mysteriously. Mon Mothma nodded seriously as Bail restrained himself from rolling his eyes. He had spent far too much time around Obi-Wan for deliberate Jedi vagueness to hold much weight. 

“Can I—May I offer you a seat?” Mon asked, quickly recovering her diplomatic grace. “I’m afraid that you’ve just missed Senator Amidala, but I’m sure she would be eager to return; I understand she’s...concerned for Master Kenobi.”

The wizened Master shook his head, ears flopping as he hopped onto Padme’s recently vacated chair, standing on the cusioned seat as the two senators’ settled down. The sight should, perhaps, have been comical. But the weight of his gaze...Bail held his breath. Perhaps Jedi mystique did still have some affect on him.

“Come to speak with the two of you, I did. Missed Mistress Amidala, I have, I know. Deliberate, this was.”

Mon and Bail frowned, exchanging a slow look of pointed disapproval. Bail spoke hesitantly but with touch of reproach. “I’m certain she would prefer to be here, regardless of the news—Padme has suffered for her public defense of the Jedi, I should hope that that friendship is returned, especially in hard times”

Yoda’s ears drooped. “A great Jedi, she would have made, in another life. Vibrant, she is in the Force. Loud to a Jedi, regardless of sensitivity. But needed now, quiet is.” 

Yoda’s gaze pierced Bail and he warmed inexplicably. “Quiet the two of you are. Brilliant, wide but in the Force...” Yoda broke the gaze, growing contemplative.

“Unique in the force, each soul is. That can be read, rare is the mind. More difficult to discern, currents, intentions, manner, it is with some, it is with you. And now, Quiet we need.”

The two settled back, uneasily flattered. “Master Yoda—it’s an honor of course, to be considered an individual worthy of confidence, but why exactly do you have need of quiet minds? Of us?” Senator Mothma asked finally.

The diminutive Master sagged. “By actions you would do, trust you have earned. But always in motion, the future is. A heavy burden, to carry, I must ask you. Without cause, I would not ask. But once tell you this I do—” 

To the politicians shock Master Yoda’s simmed to glisten with unshed tears. “—Guarantee your safety I cannot.”

The air hung warm and heavy for a timeless moment and a chill ran up both their spines. But neither were individuals particularly given to indesicion in the face of looming danger. 

“How can we help?” Mon asked, the words echoing over far more than an hour. 

“We know something is wrong with Obi-Wan,” Bail added softly. “Whatever we can do to right it—Obi-Wan is a friend, the Jedi are our allies, and the Republic is our duty.”

Mon nodded firmly.

Yoda stared at them each in turn, eyes searching and ancient.

“Working with the Separatists, the Chancellor is,” he said bluntly. “Evidence of this, we have, but not proof. Controlling, the Separatists, the Chancellor is. Evidence of this we have also, but not proof. The truth it is.”

“Evidence?” Bail parroted hoarsely, mentally assembling his own grim circumstantial coronation even as his understanding of the conversation’s direction fell apart.

The Jedi Master drew two small glittering objects from his pocket—a datachip and a microslide. 

“In the brain of a trooper, this we found.” he said gravely. “In the brain of all clones, this lies. Orders, it contains. Evil, is it. Free will, it can control. Decode it we have. To the Chancellor, tied these orders are.”

“Force,” Mon murmured in horror, responding automatically. “He already controls the public, and the courts—”

“And over half the senate,” Bail added bitterly.

“A Sith, he is,” Yoda continued with a sigh. “A Sith he has always been. A return to an Empire, he aims.”

There was a long heady pause as the two grappled with the return of the ancient boogeyman of the Republic and the repeated derailing of their night’s direction. 

“Fuck,” Senator Mothma said delicately, thinking wistfully of two hours ago when she had planned on confronting Padme yet again on her relationship with a young Jedi.

“Said the same, did we.”

The Alderannian Senator rubbed his temples, trying to come to terms with consecutive massive shocks from the already unexpected conversation. “Is Obi-Wan alright?” he asked eventually.

The small Elder hummed thoughtfully in reply. Bail tensed.

“No and yes. Suffer much, he has. Broken he is, but not shattered. A plan he has. His idea to include you, it is. The bravest man in the galaxy, he called you.” Yoda said, offering Senator Organa a sad smile.

Bail leaned back, stunned. “Me? But—why me?” he asked bewildered.

“Know not, I do,” the Jedi said with a shrug. “Seen the future, he has. A future where saved his life, you did. Saved my life. Saved something too precious to name, you did. Matters little, it does. A future that must not come to pass, it is, even as learn from it. we do.”

“...I think you’re going to have to explain that somewhat,” Mon replied sternly as Bail’s head spun.

Yoda nodded and the three settled in for a sleepless night of planning treason.

Part XXIV

[caerulea-divilu]

Ashes to ashes

If you have no expectations, there are none to ruin and that's how this filler week went for me.

I'll keep this simple because I see a lot of similar feelings, but the main thing for me is this isn't the show promised. We were promised The Bad Batch. You can rewatch this season, but this show wasn't about either of them. There was no character growth. It all promoted Omega and her rinse and repeat storyline. Instead of going into that, I'll give you things I had hoped for.

An actual reunion with Rex.

Growth for each Bad Batcher. Examples? Echo dealing with his changing world (and ever more changing after Order 66). Echo dealing with Fives' death. Tech's quirkiness and his love for recording things being shown or used in an episode or two. Wrecker and his demolition prowess. Knowing what Hunter's powers mean as he leads the team through the ups and downs of this new galaxy. (Not just sort of doing whatever each week)

I want the Inhibitor chips explained. They seem to change whichever way the wind blows from the plot. At one point, every clone was susceptible. I could understand The Bad Batch at the beginning, Echo. Now it's just whatever they need to progress the plot. Sometimes the chips works. Sometimes in part. Other times not, but there's no consistency and this is the Kaminoans that created them so there should be some foundation there.

A storyline for Crosshair. Feelings on him are mixed, but I think that's more in part because he was tossed aside (all the boys were). We could have shown what was going on in the fledgling Empire with his perspective. Instead, we traded that for worthless cameos.

I've seen a lot of "Clone Wars had a rough first season". Well, you had Yoda explaining that each clone was individual in the Force. We had some Grievous and Ventress moments that introduced and showed their cunning skills. (I'll gladly skip Jar Jar) Then there's Obi-Wan, Anakin and Dooku's episode where they just continue to roast that "elderly" man alive (and his comment "I would kill you both right now if I did not have to drag your bodies" is my absolute favorite to this day) which is amazing. There's episode 16 with Slick and we see a clone betray his brothers because he sees the Jedi as enslaving them. We see how the clones are really bred to die in Blue Shadow Virus where they accept their fates.

Then the first season has the battle for Ryloth and the soft moment with Waxer, Boil and Numa. An episode arc that showed the harsh realities of the war by leaving a child lost and how two clones could come to adore a little child.

They ended the first season on high stakes with Cad Bane going after the senate. Sure, we all knew Anakin would probably save the day, but there was a lot at stake. We'd seen clones die, we knew there was a cost and that the rent came due.

All things BB didn't seem to want to give us.

Overall, there's nothing memorable from this season. There's nothing worthwhile. I'm not left wondering how things are going to resolve. Instead, I'm left sad that I didn't even get to see a Kamino uprising. Boba against his brothers? That would have been great.

Instead, I had to hear about how Omega Sue was older than the others and how she was there when they were being created. What a way to keep me intrigued. Not. Also, I firmly believe this entire show was plotted without her character, and then she was shoehorned in. If you remove her, the story arcs make more sense and we can use that empty space for more development of the clones.

Lastly, if they jump the shark completely in second season, they could salvage this. I just don't have any faith in them to be that smart.

[frumfrumfroo]

Basically, there's this post that i saw that just made me so annoyed because it was basically saying that Ben's trauma wasn't an excuse for him to turn to the dark side because Obi-Wan also experienced lots of trauma and didn't turn to the dark side and it annoyed me so much because like do they realized that the reason why Ben turned to the dark side was because he felt he had no other choice? Sorry to bother you, I wanted to rant to someone and sorry if this doesn't make sense

This is just someone posting the ‘cool motive, still murder’ gif with extra steps. Or Pablo’s delightful ‘Rey was raised by sand and never murdered anyone’ or whatever he said as an absolutely disgusting justification for how Ben’s parents neglecting and abandoning him was totes fine.

Because remember kids, if you are actually traumatised by the trauma inflicted on you, that’s your fault and you deserve no sympathy. Being psychologically damaged is a personal failing. Only perfect victims are worthy of compassion, people who are harmed by abandonment, neglect, war, betrayal, brainwashing, etc. etc. in ways that show are just bad people. Good children understand that their parents are infallible and no authority figure should ever be challenged as long as they’re on the right team.

(It is funny that Obi-wan is the example they go to considering how much fucked up shit Obi-wan ended up doing. How manipulative and imperious he is. He never stopped being a Jedi, so I guess none of his mistakes count. I think an absolutely staggering number of people watch the OT without ever realising that Yoda and Obi-wan were wrong. That what they tried to do to Luke by setting him up to kill his father without ever knowing the truth was, in fact, Bad. What they said about it being too late to save Anakin was not true. Their whole approach to the war and abdication of responsibility by going into exile was a moral failure. Luke’s rejection of all this is vindicated, forgiveness and unconditional love are what saved the galaxy, not pragmatism or violence. 

Literally the point of the story is empathy for the villain. And before the prequels, you weren’t even given trauma and manipulation and victimhood as a reason you should empathise. You just should. Because he’s a human being and anyone can be saved.)

People who bring up this ‘argument’ are either completely oblivious to how offensive it is to claim that being unable to emerge from trauma totally unscathed is an unacceptable weakness in your character and taints you forever, or they are unconscious determinists who think you’re born good or born bad and change is impossible. Circumstances are never extenuating, every choice exists in a vacuum and reflects perfectly on your entire being regardless of context. Ironically, these are always the same people who want villains to be punished and talk about how ‘they chose to do [bad thing]’, despite implicitly denying the existence of free will.

The fact that Ben had to be hounded onto the dark side by a colossal team effort over 23 years and was still totally innocent even when he finally went to Snoke after finally being convinced there was no where else for him to go... I mean, obviously that doesn’t matter. He was, like, moody and stuff. Due to the malignant voice in his head and his entire family being afraid of him for reasons they refuse to explain. You can’t expect his parents or uncle to deal with that. He’s got that dangerous Skywalker blood they gave him and carry themselves.

[phoenixyfriend]

Re; Ahsoka and Quinlan being the same age, now I'm picturing Ahsoka, Quinlan, and Rex eventually ending up in a weird sorta thruple where Quinlan comes in and out of the relationship but the door is kinda always open for him? And Rex spends a lot of mornings eyeing the tangle of orange and brown skin on the other side of the bed like he has no idea how he ended up here but he's (mostly) okay with that tbh

Context: Commander Buir in chronological order

YES okay so this is wild to me that people are invested in this but like half the time-travel fics with Ahsoka in the same age-group as Quinlan have me wondering if I should ship them. Let me just. Ho shit.

So, okay, I've explored a lot of possible dynamics but there's something really engaging about how Quinlan, trained as a Shadow before the Sith came back, could react to a War Padawan. Ahsoka isn't really infiltration material yet, she's very much a frontline fighter, but she's got a lot more experience with a kind of consistent dark atmosphere that most Jedi don't. They get exposed to plenty of dark stuff, sure, but not the kind of all-encompassing "this is my life for the last two years" thing that is usually reserved for the long-term field agents like Shadows and Watchmen.

The War Padawans, for all that they were supposed to be just normal Jedi Padawans, were living in the kind of consistently negative environment that's normally experienced by those Knighted Sentinels.

So Ahsoka, while still generally pretty young in these AUs, is a very odd kind of person to be around, because she's spunky and vivacious and snippy and affectionate and snarky and knows how to break every bone in your body from harrowing experience as the only thing standing between death and thousands of brothers.

And Quinlan, I imagine, really likes that about her. She gets it, and she's still an energetic and loving and trying to do her best to be a good person despite everything. He gravitates towards her and she... well, she's not blind. She can tell he's interested. And she's not upset about that.

ANYWAY, ONTO REX

So, Rex is... technically twelve. He hasn't exactly got a whole lot of experience with romance. He is also, up until the point of time-travel, legal property of the Senate and the Jedi Order, which means that Ahsoka, or at least her community, owns him. He was indoctrinated to serve her and that community. She also outranks him, for all that she usually lets him take the lead in the field due to experience. He's older than her physically and maturity-wise, but she's also had a grow-up-faster-than-you-should adolescence, and she has superpowers.

What I'm saying is, the power dynamic is fucked up.

(Unironically I spent hours last night realizing that it balances out a lot more than C*dywan does, which I'm censoring because by god do I not want discourse on this post. I like both ships, and don't want to argue about what's the most problematic. It's Star Wars. The only unproblematic ships are Bail/Breha and Owen/Beru.)

Here's the thing, though, because the main thing people seem to argue here is the age/maturity difference as a problem area:

The age difference in actual time is four years, which is smaller than the two main ships of the franchise (Han/Leia and Padme/Anakin, to be clear). The age difference in maturity is ??? We'll say that the clones started aging normally after they hit twenty, so the age difference in maturity is six years... which is still normal for SW ships.

(This is why I don't have any issues with the ship in a post-O66 context, once they've had a few years to move past the traumas and whatnot. The age stuff all evens out with time, they're a good team, and neither was grooming the other. It's not objectively any more problematic than most SW ships at that point, and I'm okay with that. They deserve to be happy if they want.)

But they get yanked away from all that structure of who owns what, who reports where, who has which rank, who's legally a person in the eyes of the Republic when they end up on Dagobah. Once they've registered when they are, the only remaining complications are:

He grew up in a cultlike environment and was indoctrinated to serve her (but has been replacing that indoctrination with genuine respect and affection for her as a person because they've worked together for two years).

She has superpowers (contextually not a big problem: we see several Force-Sensitive/Non-Sensitive ships that don't consider those powers a complicating element)

He's several years younger than her (canonically less of an issue than it could be: Cut got married and has kids) and has next to no experience with what a normal romance looks like except for hanging out on the edges of whatever the fuck his General has going on with the Senator

She's several years less mature than he is (...something of an issue)

So a lot of this is mostly okay. She feels weird about the fact that she's got more knowledge of romance and all that it entails. He feels weird about the fact that, despite her being older, he looks at her and sees someone that's still a little young, not quite a shiny. Except she is older than him, and he's seen her behead four people in a single move, and they've saved each other's lives more times than either of them can count anymore. He respects her, and the fact that she's babyfaced doesn't change the fact that, in terms of who they are as people and warriors, they're on a level playing field.

She still looks at him and mourns his lost childhood, and he still looks at her and takes a moment to see past the too-big eyes and adolescent proportions.

But they really, really care about each other, and maybe part of them is starting to recognize that there's a bit of a crush before they time-travel, but neither one wants to make a move. There's a lot of baggage on both sides, a lot of "but they're a child" and "but they're (literally vs functionally) below me in the chain of command, I can't take advantage of that" and all that fun stuff. It's the kind of situation where two people circle each other for ages without making a move, because actually making that move is terrifying on account of not knowing whether the other party knows they can say no, on top of the usual "what if it ruins our friendship?" thing.

What happens on Dagobah, though... is very tropey. They're sort of stranded until Ahsoka can fix the ship, and that takes time. The area is also very heavy with the Force, dense and heady with the energy it carries, and it's... actually really not great for Ahsoka. She keeps feeling like she's back on Mortis, and has nightmares from the trigger there, but also keeps hallucinating because she wasn't ready for the thickness of the energy (like Yoda) or still new enough to the Force that she couldn't feel how dense it all was (like Luke). She can't work on the engines as constantly as she'd like to get them out of there, and while Rex is a competent mechanic, he's not as skilled with it as the girl who jumped headfirst into lessons with Anakin.

Rex spends a lot of time holding Ahsoka and wiping her brow with a wet cloth while she's feverish and out of it. Yes we're going full Florence Nightingale romance here, let me have my fun.

They get the communications relay working earlier than the engine, find out the year is wrong, panic a bit. All is well. (It's not, but they're holding it together for now.)

Ahsoka keeps working on the engine when she's lucid. Rex keeps hunting up game and edible plants for them while she does. They cuddle at night, because it's not cold but it is empty of the people they care about, and they kind of want that reassurance of someone they trust and love at their back.

(Morai visits.)

(Daughter shows up in the nightmares, tells Ahsoka that age will not come for her beloved until the time is natural for it. The phrasing is dumb but she does manage to convey that the accelerated aging is no longer an issue, if it even was after they hit adulthood. Ahsoka is relieved.)

And, you know, emotions happen. She takes his hand while they're leaning up against each other. He kisses her forehead while she's having a bad spell. They cook together and tell jokes to keep sane and spar. They hug each other through nightmares and panic attacks. There is much blushing. There is much cuddling.

Once, they kiss.

They break apart, flushing and stammering and being very awkward about the whole thing, and make excuses to leave and panic about the fact that they!! Kissed!!!!!

A couple hours later they find each other again, and have a long and complicated discussion about why they like each other (war makes bedfellows, there's trust and affection and all that fun stuff) and why they're hesitant (age stuff, maturity stuff, prior indoctrination), and make the decision to take it slow. They cuddle, and kiss, and blush a lot because both of them are basically just dumb teens having their first real relationship.

They eventually leave the planet, make it to Coruscant, etc. It takes a bit for anyone except Obi-Wan to realize that something's changed between them. Most people didn't know them before, and Anakin's observation skills are currently at a very low ebb. But they sit together and hold hands, and flirt when they spar, and once or twice people find them kissing (both standard and Keldabe) in a corner while holding hands and then just smiling at each other like loons.

They end up rooming together because nobody has the heart to separate them after hearing about all the war stuff. Like yes attachment's bad, but these two do seem to understand loss of loved ones and recognize that they could lose each other at any time and death is natural and they won't lose their entire shit about it, and if even General Kenobi is anxious as hell about being separated from the people he fought side-by-side with for two years, then maybe it's just... really normal for those two to want each other's company, and everyone can just turn a blind eye to the romance happening.

They share a bed, but they only ever sleep in it. Like, there's some goodnight kisses and cuddles, but everything is very G-rated until they've had time to settle into being true equals instead of just the "well, I guess the power dynamics balance out? Maybe?" of before.

And just... yeah. Rex does not believe that he's in this good of a position whenever he has the time to think about it. He's got a girlfriend! A really pretty, smart, strong, skilled one! Who thinks he's a cool dude! How the fuck did a clone like him manage that? He wasn't even legally a person a year ago, how did he end up in bed with one of the most amazing people he's ever met? He spends multiple nights just staring at her while he tries to fall asleep, asking himself how he got here and just like... marveling at her. She's worth marveling at. He's in love and she's amazing and he has no idea how to handle it at all.

...yeah no I have a lot of feelings now.

[shatouto]

another sequel to @obiwanobi's ex-sith anakin au (here and here), and at this rate… yea. yea we’re gonna have to archive this on ao3 (soon)

anyway here’s 2.8k words of tonal inconsistency

et si les étoiles sont cachées

Obi-Wan barely sleeps a wink through the night. His mind turns and whirls as he battles between second-guessing his decisions regarding the former Sith sleeping in his bed and planning on what to do going forward. Anakin knows how to cloak his own signature well enough, that much Obi-Wan can observe, but he will not stand a chance if Masters such as Yoda or Windu search his presence. And then there is the matter of the elusive Darth Sidious’ death, as well - Obi-Wan can only assume that it would be classified information on the Confederacy side, but even then, the Force only knows what kind of hell would break loose once his body is discovered. It doesn’t help that he could barely pull his hand out of Anakin’s without him frowning in his sleep and stirring. He simply has to stay put, with Anakin’s very likely feverish body pressed up against his side in a bed that is only snugly enough for two.

In meditating all of those scenarios, he forgets to account for the hell that breaks loose in his own quarters upon the return of his apprentice.

“Master, what were you thinking?” Ahsoka hisses, eyes darting from him to the closed door of his bedroom, from where the sound of Anakin’s pacing is obvious. Her hand is still clutching one of her lightsabers, alert.

“He was an injured man who crawled to my doorstep for aid, young one.” Obi-Wan sighs. “Surely you cannot expect me to simply turn my back to him, can you? That wouldn’t be the Jedi way.”

“Yes, but…” Ahsoka pinches her own forehead, shoulders dropping in a harsh exhale. “He’s a Sith lord, Master. We’ve all seen what he has done and can do!”

“He was a Sith, Ahsoka. Leading him back to the Light means one less darksider for the galaxy, and no more lives lost. I have always been trying to accomplish this.” Obi-Wan realizes, all of a sudden, that he is trying to convince himself rather than his apprentice. “He came in a moment of need, with nowhere else to go. He no longer wants to remain with the Dark.”

Ahsoka blinks. “And you just trust him? Just like that?”

Well, Obi-Wan wants to say, you didn’t see him on his knees in the hallway with blood covering half his body and bruises the other half; and you didn’t see him hang his head as you took his lightsaber and then his ruined arm off before setting him to bed. Then again, nobody would ever see that: the exact devastation and distress the once-Darth Vader was in last night, at his door. “That is the case, Ahsoka. I would like to trust him, for the time being.”

Ahsoka grumbles something about tried to kill me earlier, didn’t you see that? which of course inspires a twinge of guilt in Obi-Wan - because indeed, this borders on being a foolhardy venture, that his Padawan is dragged into solely by virtue of her sharing quarters with him. She shakes her head and speaks clearly again for him to hear. “...Fine, I get it. Where do you even plan to house him, Master?”

Obi-Wan pauses. He has had plenty of time in the night to consider this, and still he cannot find any better solution than the one he is about to suggest. “I suppose there is no place safer than here.”

“Here? You mean as in, your own quarters, in the Jedi Temple?” Ahsoka stresses on the last few words, incredulous.

Something crashes inside his room, followed by Anakin’s muffled curse. Obi-Wan looks his apprentice dead in the eye as he lets out a sigh, and says, “Yes.”

—

Anakin is strangely good at cooking.

Obi-Wan supposes he shouldn’t have presumed; after all, being a Sith apprentice should probably not interfere with the more mundane aspects of life. But not only is Anakin’s cooking distinctly above average (how did he learn enough skills to make a three-course meal out of the few basic ingredients in Obi-Wan’s pantry, and at what cost?), he also seems to undertake the task with zeal. It’s rather endearing to watch him shuffle around the kitchenette in warm beige pants that barely reach his ankles, and a left sleeve that doesn't need to be rolled up because it's already too short for his long arm.

It’s been less than a week since Anakin first comes to his door. He clearly doesn't like Ahsoka, but with one arm and no lightsaber and Obi-Wan firmly telling him to behave, he eventually, and clearly grudgingly, tolerates her presence, from time to time. The gleam in his eyes is still worrying, from time to time, but the most Anakin does nowadays when Ahsoka passes by is turn his back to her. He seems to be trying his best, which is why Obi-Wan feels immensely guilty for having to preface their meal with a rather somber question.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, as Anakin sets down before him a plate of steak that smells nearly the same as that one luxurious dish he once had while in disguise as a socialite at a prestigious fine dining party. It isn’t the materiality that is distracting, but the efforts that must have gone into it. “I would like to ask you a question.”

Anakin sits down opposite of him, balancing himself. Even with the Force, he’s unused to not having a weight elbow-down on his right hand. “What? Leftover is in the kitchen for your apprentice. If she wants it.” His voice still sharpens at your apprentice, defensive. “I didn’t mean to let her starve.”

Obi-Wan is torn between a smile and a grimace. “No, that isn’t my question, Anakin. I’ve been wondering if you knew of your allies’ plans.”

“What kind of plans?” Anakin’s eyes narrow, warily. “It depends. Dooku knew most. I just did battlefield strategy.”

“You don’t happen to know if there has been recent plans to assassinate the Supreme Chancellor, do you?” It has been on Obi-Wan’s mind ever since he was summoned to an urgent Council meeting days ago. Investigative teams reported that the Supreme Chancellor has gone missing; then midway through the meeting, another report came, and so they ended up discussing how to keep peace while the Senate would break the staggering news of the Supreme Chancellor’s death to the entire galaxy and organize an emergency election. The timing fit too well with Anakin’s arrival, and he doesn’t know what to make of it.

“Oh, there’s never any.” Anakin shrugs, tension melting out of his shoulder. He begins to cut into his steak without a care.

Obi-Wan frowns. There has been plenty of attempted assassinations before, as well as kidnapping - he himself has been sent to protect the Chancellor on many occasions. He’s loath to contradict Anakin, though, so he asks, carefully: “And you are sure?”

“I’m sure,” Anakin says, swallowing a mouthful. “My mas—Darth Sidious, is Palpatine.”

It takes Obi-Wan a stunned moment, while Anakin just continues to eat.

Well, the Council had their suspicions, but it was never so direct. Some have speculated, very privately, that the Chancellor might be linked to a darksider in some way. Perhaps somebody who is in opposition to Count Dooku, another Master has raised. But for the Chancellor *himself* to be this elusive, mysterious Darth Sidious, seems downright unfathomable.

“You…” Obi-Wan pauses, rewording the sentence in his mind for the seventh time. “I would like you to be serious, Anakin. That was not a joke, was it?”

Anakin, unsmiling, turns his eyes up to him with a look of confusion as if saying What’s a joke? “Darth Sidious is Palpatine,” he repeats. “I’m not allowed—I was not allowed to call him that, though.”

Obi-Wan takes a deep breath. The timing does line up far too well. “Anakin, that means you have... disposed of the Supreme Chancellor.”

Anakin scoffs, scrunches up his nose, and shrugs again. “If you put it that way,” he mutters, slouching down even lower as he pointedly eats his food.

Obi-Wan opens his mouth, then closes it again. He sighs at the ceiling, and picks up his fork and knife. Might as well enjoy a good meal before the migraine sets in.

—

To his own amazement, Obi-Wan is getting used to the way Anakin follows him around like a hatchling, whenever he is home.

During the first few days, it took Obi-Wan a considerable amount of patient explanation to convince Anakin not to sit on the floor at the foot of the door frame until he came back. His reasons ranged from “It’s rather undignified for you” (to which Anakin said, “I’ve done worse,” at which point Obi-Wan had to switch subjects immediately, putting a pin in it for future unpacking), to “You might catch a cold, sitting here for so long” (to which Anakin answered, “It’ll go away on its own,” which prompted Obi-Wan to check his temperature immediately, only to realize that Anakin had been cloaking his fever for at least a day, and - well, that was another pin on the board). In the end, it was only the allowance for him to use the kitchenette that kept the former Sith from waiting at the door like a hound, rather busying himself at the stove instead. It was a great decision through and through, considering how much Anakin improved the quality of their meals.

But otherwise, Anakin still makes no secret of his immediate attachment to him. Perhaps there should be no surprise in that, considering the sort of upbringing he must have suffered through; not that Obi-Wan knows much of it anyway, considering how quiet Anakin remains and how reluctant he himself is to ask personal questions. Nevertheless, from the way Anakin acted - finding his way into the Jedi Temple and declaring his trust to a sworn enemy rather than relying on his own Sith allies - it isn’t hard to infer that this man has had precious little reason to put his trust into anybody in his surroundings. It also aligns with the Sith ways, Obi-Wan speculates - and could only dare speculate, because truth be told he does not know all that much of the Sith outside of his research on ancient texts. Contemporary Sith are few. The Master might just make his own rules, and Darth Sidious - the Supreme Chancellor, Force have mercy - seemed like the type to play cruel games. So he has every reason to understand and empathize. And he truly does extend his most heartfelt compassion to this wayward Force-wielder.

That doesn’t make it any easier to deal with Anakin’s irritability whenever Obi-Wan comes back from a mission.

He’s clearly unhappy about Obi-Wan being away, especially if he discovers that the mission has been with Ahsoka. He only grows more upset and quick-tempered as time goes by; it begins with him upturning the decorative datapad shelves in the living room, escalating to a series of broken glasses and plates in the kitchenette; finally one day Obi-Wan comes back home to knives lodged in the wall, Anakin in the midst of pulling them out.

Anakin has the decency to look sheepish, even just slightly, as he silently puts away all the knives and hides himself in the kitchen completely. He cleans up, at least. In fact, he was almost always in the middle of cleaning up when Obi-Wan caught him in the act, which prompts the question: How many other times has he done this while left alone?

Obi-Wan only sighs. It does border on cruelty to keep somebody alone in these cramped quarters for weeks on end. He also knows that whatever measures he has set up to keep Anakin safe here - from the world, and from Anakin himself, - it would be a fatal oversight to underestimate the ability of a former Sith. He has no doubts that Anakin, even while one-handed and saber-less, could escape if he truly wanted to. The fact that Anakin willingly keeps himself stowed away in a Jedi’s quarters while desperately and entertaining himself through destructive means only to then be embarrassed about it… is a testament to some budding virtue, Obi-Wan supposes. And it only intensifies his guilt: it’s as if he’s taking advantage of Anakin’s trust to confine him to solitude, while he himself pushes back and back the kind of work a true mentor would need to engage in to help Anakin. The fact that he is fighting a war, or whatever is left of it, is no excuse.

It is with resolution that he stands up and heads into the kitchen. Their eyes meet as soon as he steps in; clearly enough, Anakin has been watching him. Anakin’s fingers grip the counter, knuckles blanched. Obi-Wan holds up his hands, moving as slowly and unpredictably as possible, and cuts to the chase.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go outside, Anakin.”

Anakin’s brows shoot up, but he still doesn’t unclench his jaws.

“I believe it’s rather unfair to keep you locked inside,” Obi-Wan explains. “After all, cooking can only do so much to spend all of one’s pent up energy.” He gives a small, gentle smile, inwardly anxious because of the way Anakin still looks at him with his guards up, shoulders squared, halfway between fight and flight. “I am not suggesting anything much, Anakin. Only a walk in the park, if it suits you. The decision is up to you.”

A moment or two passes in thick, awkward silence. Then Anakin, hesitantly: “Will you be there?”

It’s the first pleasant surprise Obi-Wan has had in what felt like an age. His smile grows, unbidden. “Yes, I insist.”

—

Autumn winds reel through his hair before rushing off to rustle in the foliage. The nightly air is crisp on his cheeks, and Obi-Wan doesn’t even think to tighten his robes around him; he enjoys a nice, chilly evening. Silence is alleviated by the song of insects in the grass, as they make their way down the serpentine path, round fountains and beds of flowers. Their robes flutter, and their hands are firmly linked.

It’s nothing that cannot be explained by strict necessity, or so Obi-Wan reasons: He must be able to make sure Anakin never strays from his sight, for safety reasons; and he dislikes the thought of putting any kind of binding or chains or even just a simple tied thread on Anakin. As usual, when all else fails, undertaking by hand is the solution - hence Anakin’s hand in his own, their palms warmly interfacing, their calluses fitting together.

The contact is also enjoyable, but that’s beside the point.

“I like the sky at night,” Anakin says, sudden but quiet. Obi-Wan glances at him to find Anakin not looking back at him for once. Anakin’s hood has long since slipped off because of the way he tips his head back to turn his eyes to the stars. Most of them are shrouded by gathering clouds, but some of them still shine through the dark.

“I see,” Obi-Wan muses. “May I ask why?”

For once, Anakin doesn’t hesitate to answer. “I like to look at the stars. They’re just suns, but far away. Can’t burn you, only blink at you.” Anakin’s hand tightens just a little. A patch of wildflowers gently glows when the two of them pass by. “When you blink back at them, you’re not alone.”

“And what if the stars are hidden?” Obi-Wan gestures, voice light, even as his heart sinks. He knows a lonely child, or one who used to be a lonely child, when he sees one. “What do you do then?”

The sigh that follows is lost in a gust of wind. There’s only the slightest of tremors in Anakin’s fingertips. They fall back into silence, deeper silence this time, as even the insects seem to quiet. The air feels earthy and damp with a coming rain. The sky blackens as clouds roil and thicken, and suddenly it’s dark as pitch and the comfortable coolness splinters into shivers under his skin. When the first drop falls, Obi-Wan reaches over to draw up Anakin’s hood for him. Anakin turns to him, eyes downcast.

“Then I’m alone,” he answers, belated and small.

—

“Maybe you’re right, Master.” Ahsoka picks up her steaming mug of tea, sinking comfortably into her amply cushioned seat on the couch. A strip of morning sunlight draws lazily across the room. “Whatever you’re doing, it’s working. He’s getting... nicer, lately. You should keep walking him.”

Obi-Wan chuckles at the turn of phrase. Walking him… “I don’t think it’s my doing,” he says, pouring a little more tea for himself. Anakin shuffles from one corner of the kitchenette to another, apron strings fluttering behind him. Obi-Wan shakes his head and takes a sip of tea, smiling. “I don’t think it’s my doing at all.”

[mcklunkers]

Welcome to day 6 of random Star Wars shitposty headcanons!

I’m so sorry btw, some of these ended up kinda angst 😬

-Mandalorians have Flannel shirt energy. Like they just wear flannels in their down time. Always. Their pyjamas? Flannel. First date? Flannel. If they’re not on the battle field, they’re wearing flannel. Jango Fett wore flannel boxers for good luck. The one day he didn’t wear them Windu cut his head off. Boba now wears flannel boxers for good luck.

-Obi-Wan Kenobi gets more and more Scottish the more emotional he gets. Sometimes in council meetings they legitimately cannot understand him so they just smile and nod. It did however lead to a 13 year old Anakin learning some creative insults over the years. Everyone remembers the time Yoda caught the kids arm with a practice saber and the teen yelled “yer da sells Avon ya wrinkly green bawbag”.

-The clones drink an insane amount of caf. The problem is they all have very specific orders. The space starbucks employees hate them. One will come in and suddenly they have to make like 50 drinks. Some are fine - like Wolffe and Cody just take it black, and Echo will just get a tea. Tup just gets a hot chocolate. But then someone (looking at Fives because mans is DRaMATIC) will turn up in sunglasses and order a Venti Iced Skinny Hazlenut Macchiato, Sugar-Free syrup, extra shot, lite ice, no whip or some shit and hold everything up. That’s not even getting into Kix and the other medics (and probably Rex too tbf, my guy is tired) who order drinks with more espresso shots than should be legally allowed. Fox is banned for life or has a lifelong loyalty card and there’s no in between.

-Clones like camping. Just vibing under the stars together with crappy food and cheap tents. It’s good for team building, but also counts as training so they don’t feel guilty for it.

-After leaving the empire, Kallus really doesn’t like wearing a helmet because it reminds him of who he used to be, and he’s trying very hard to move past that point of his life. The ghost crew are super reluctant to let him on the frontline in case he gets hurt. Eventually Rex just makes him wear Gregor’s old chest plate and vambraces because his brother didn’t wear them and died, and he wouldn’t let that happen to another member of his family, regardless of who they used to be.

-Thrawn does yoga in the mornings and evenings so he can maintain his fight training schedule without pulling a muscle. He’s mad flexible. It’s very stressful on the ship cos officers will go to deliver messages and just find him in weird positions thinking. One new transfer once had to tell him about a rebel insurrection whilst the grand admiral was in the crab position. It was awkward.

-On a definitely unrelated note, Eli Vanto sucks at yoga and finds Thrawn being good at it infuriating.

-Dooku does all of his own gardening because a droid stepped on his carnations and he was not having that. (He also did not approve of Ventress’s snide “what in carnation?!” Comment when he informed her). Dooku is actually where Qui-Gon got his love for plants. He likes the way they feel in the force.

-Fenn Rau and Bo-Katan were actually pretty good friends. They’d fly around and chat shit about once a week just to relax when they were younger.

-Pre-Grogu Din Djarin always wanted a pet, but never had a way to look after them properly. So every time he was on a planet he’d go to shelters and play with the animals there to make sure they had fun at least once in their lives.

-At any given moment at least one room on a 501st ship is blasting cheese room music so that the troopers can unwind together for a bit before their next mission. It’s surprisingly effective given that they’re just dancing together.

-As a way to understand other cultures and find harmony with the force all of the Jedi learn an instrument. Yoda played the piccolo, Dooku played the flute. Qui-Gon played the bongos, Obi-Wan plays the violin. Anakin learnt the guitar, and one of the reasons he wears the glove over his prosthetic is so he can still play. But little Ahsoka? She got a wholeass drumset. She’s pretty good too, but she likes 3am to be her practice time. Quinlan is super proud that she took his advice. Anakin and Obi want to kill the kiffar on principle.

As usual, hope you enjoy my shitpost. Any thought, criticism or idea is welcome. Have a goodun lads!