#It hurts my self esteem a bit

[dadzawa004]

☁️ another ramble post ☁️

⚠️cw?: Injury, talking about disability stuff as a cg⚠️

as a disabled caregiver it's hard to get around when it comes to physical activities. Mush that with a little who's often energetic and loves to do alot of physical activities, it's hard. I'm a wheelchair user, but I'm not paralyzed so I can leave our wheelchair if need be. It isn't recommended by our doctors to leave for a very long time, usually up to 30 minutes to an hour. (Most of the time we can stand for only 10-ish minutes.) Anyways it restricts alot of things we'd like to do. Such as piggyback rides with our cousins or playing tag. Simple things like that.

But as someone who's only had one leg in my source, I knew how to narrow down my activities when it came to taking care of age regressors. Fun fact! If I remember correctly, about 3 to 4ish of my students were regressors. So I've been a caregiver for a long time pass when I formed in the system. Anyways, what I personally do is I just sit down. It's a pain to get back up on my own, but usually I keep my wheelchair close so I don't really need help getting back up when I need to. So, I like to sit down and criss cross my legs. If my little follows my movements and sits on my lap, I can do majority of my care for them with them in my lap. Such as talking with them, feeding them if they need help with that, watching cartoons, so on. This can also work if they don't like physical touch or not comfortable being in my lap. Just as long as they're at arms reach I'm fine. The only issue was I always have to find a way into the kitchen to try and get them something. (It's the worst part) but I try to make due.

i guess the reason why I'm making this post was because I felt kinda invalid due to my ability to walk much. Even when starting out when I formed in the system, I had people telling me I shouldn't try to caregive if we desperately needed a caretaker ourselves. However I didn't want to listen to them. I know it wasn't impossible, and I know there's many CGs who are disabled just as we are. So I never gave up on the idea and now I'm here

-coming from someone who's a wheelchair user, half deaf and tics. Have a good day 👋

[recitedemise]

𝗠𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲'𝘀 𝘃𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀, 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗠𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗽𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿. This lengthy headcanon will refer to canon dialogue from mostly Gale, sometimes others. Reader's discretion is advised. There will be in depth explorations into grooming, emotional abuse, heavy manipulation, and suicide.

First, let it be said that Gale, a mortal man, will always be the powerless one in his dynamic with Mystra. Of course, nearing forty years of age, he remains entirely responsible for his own actions, his own blunders and every hurt he'll cause, but it's important to remember who formed much of who he is: his goddess, his deity, and egregiously, his lover.

Mystra is power. Mystra is possibility. She knows what sway she holds over her Ioyal, vulnerable, and entirely mortal followers. In all ways that matter, they are but lambs she can steer and herd as she sees fit. She knows they can't deny her and knows they'll never want to. Gale's sheer servitude and complete devotion. Mystra, knowing that, used him to filth.

Gale: I was just... practising an incantation. Player Character: No, there's more to it than that. I know devotion when I see it. Gale: What can I say? She's—she's Mystra. I can't describe it, the need I sometimes feel to see her - to draw the filaments of fantasy into existence... Mystra is all magic. And as far as I'm concerned, she is all creation. Player Character: I didn't realize the depth of your devotion. Gale: Magic is... my life. I've been touched with the Weave for as long as I can remember. There's nothing like it.

Gale, orb in his chest, doomed to be eaten by the very thing he loves the most, still speaks so reverently of the goddess, of his lover that has left him to die. He conjures images of her memory—and she is all the while forgetting about his.

Minsc: Gale reminds me of vremyonni of my homeland. The man-mages of Rasheman. While the girl-folk go on to rule as wychlaran, Weave-touched boys were hidden away. Trained to work their craft in silence and secrecy. It is an old custom, not well-observed. In truth, I thought it born of caution after some catastrophe of wizardly men-folk of old. Now, I wonder if it was not done to hide them from Mystra, and the snares she sets for young and prideful boys, hm?

Tales of Mystra's treachery spreads far, leaving those familiar waters surrounding Gale's tower in Waterdeep. They whisper her name, afraid to utter it one time too many, suspecting, perhaps, that she'll show in their mirror like some Faerûnian Bloody Mary.

Talent rouses Mystra. She can see who uses the gift of the Weave and feel them, sampling whatever delight sings their veins as they pull from her domain. Not unlike a spider, she'll follows every tremor that strikes her as just a sliver more profound; and Gale, a prodigy, plucked the Weave's web to so garner her focus. And like some black widow scurrying, she surged down that ripple to prey on a boy. There, Gale, so impressionable, was just a mite older than twelve whole summers. He sat so stunned, beholding Mystra as she lured him into the cradle of her Astral domain. Bathed in her magic, pleasantly coddled within that glittering cosmos, Gale felt blessed in a way he'll struggle always to recount, no word, no language, fit to describe it. He felt chosen. He felt seen. And potently, to a child, he felt loved. Now, imagine a child experiencing something like that. Imagine what they'd think, how brilliant they must be when stood beside the rest. She told him he was gifted, made his heart swell not unlike a child's appetite for praise. She knew what she was doing by offering these morsels, by preying on a child's most delicate mind, and Gale, child prodigy, was already so awash in the idea that his value was in magic. Unfortunately, Gale, susceptible, had no way of squirming out of his goddess' grasp.

Reality: She's laid down the seeds to creep into his heart. When he's just old enough—seventeen's sufficient, she thinks—she stakes her claim and makes him hers.

Gale: My virtuosic talent once caught the eye of the goddess of magic herself, Mystra, who named me her chosen and her lover.

Gale is stunned when she takes him to bed the first time. (Is this really happening?) Mystra claims his mouth in a kiss, taking everything she knows he offers so willingly. Mystra, of course, is not so stunned.

Dream Visitor: An elder brain... one of the cruelest and most powerful creatures in existence, enslaved by mere mortals. Gale, tasked with Mystra's missive to sacrifice himself: This is it... I must do as Mystra commands.

Gale has worryingly low self-esteem beyond his magic. As already explored, his entire worth as a man hinged on and was built entirely off his talent as a wizard. He fought tooth and nail for any crumb of affection Mystra would offer his way, something she only gave him at all seeing his gift as a child. He wants her forgiveness. He desires it genuinely. He believes so firmly that he has wronged his goddess, buying into the idea that sacrificing himself will right his wrong. She holds such dominion over him, making him reduce his confidence in himself into a mere, trifling pittance; after all, she wasn't just his lover, but the patron deity he prays to. And regardless, Gale is a people pleaser, his initial acceptance of her missive coming as no surprise.

After all, Gale, at times, goes to incredible lengths to appease his audience. This habit, compulsion, impulse, whatever you want to call it, is a quality that was relentlessly exacerbated in his relationship with his immortal paramour. He wanted to content her, felt all he did was never enough, for as a matter of principle, he was oceans, leagues, and entire galaxies beneath her. Gale figures: well, how can a short-lived dalliance satisfy a god? He had to make her happy. Indeed, he'd done everything she'd ask. He'd bedded her how she liked, kissed her how she wanted, and of course, even said those words she'd said tasted best. She was his lover, a lover that never tended to his own needs and pleasures, and he fooled himself into thinking that's enough. He won't bend backwards for everyone, mind you, but if you're of the ones he would, he would stop at nothing to make you happy. After all, people pleasing is a way to keep oneself safe, a trauma response to sidestep discomfort, and though it achieves only a direly tentative peace, when that is all you've been fed, you will pursue it.

Gale did not want to lose Mystra; he couldn't bare the sting of it. And so, when Elminster visited him, Mystra's call for his death offered oh so callously, Gale, heartbroken, felt that part of him kick up. He couldn't endure the guilt, was so hungry for a chance to let his weighty heart breathe, even if it meant dying in the process.

At least this way, he'll finally do something right. At least this way, Mystra will forgive him, and all his friends will survive.

Gale: After I was afflicted with my condition, I locked myself in my tower for an entire year. I was inconsolable, wallowing in my self-inflicted tragedy. I'd given up on myself.

As a byproduct of people pleasing, Gale, too, is all too quick to accept all guilt. He self-deprecates, gaslights himself to a venomous degree, and twists his reality in so cruel a way as to make him the villain Mystra'd led him to believe. He self-flagellates himself, the first one in the world who will throw Gale of Waterdeep a mental punishment. Mystra's a goddess, after all, seen as utterly faultless, and twined so tightly with a being so mighty in esteem, Gale slipped into the role of the guilty often. When tied with anyone with grandeur like this, so immeasurable in their own self worth, it's important to keep in mind this: you are nothing but a prop in which to fulfill their ego. Gale was not Mystra's, not by a long shot. Rather, Gale was a tool, simply her mortal extension.

And he took every blow meant for her... a common and terrible habit for many people in imbalanced, ego-fueled relationships.

Gale's life beyond her wasn't something that interested her. She took most of Gale's devotion, manipulated his life to be her sole mantle of attention, for Mystra is not a goddess that shares very happily.

Indeed, long before his self-imposed isolation, this jealous deity did well at keeping him isolated.

Player Character: Picture kissing him. With tenderness. Then, with passion. Gale: I... I didn't think— Narrator: You perceive quick-fire embarrassment, trepidation, and finally... elation.

And so, cheated out of love, so reduced in his value as a man and lover both, suffice to say, Gale's slow to believe he can ever be loved. That's what happens when you're with someone so cold, consistent only in their infinite lack of respect. Gale looks at fondness, and he feels—confounded, to be sure. He thinks, is this truly mine to have? He doesn't know what to do, is nearly forty in game, and despite having lived decades devoted to one relationship, he feels, at the same time, entirely out of depth. To be frank, he greets it with embarrassment, like he's been caught red handed with something not his at all. He's like a child caught rummaging with his hand in a cookie jar, all this isn't mine to enjoy, not mine to indulge in, but he thinks, startled, but god, do I want. He wars with disbelief, uncertainty, and need, and in so many ways feeling utterly starved, with just a glimmer of affection, he falls fast into love.

Scenario: (And if properly romanced, it changes his world.)

Gale: In her (Mystra's) likeness, I used to read a thousand stories. She was beauty, wisdom, elegance, power... she contained universes. But now... it is hard to see any redeeming qualities in a lover who condemned you to death. I'd much rather gaze into your eyes than hers. Yours are capable of tenderness and feeling... No god could ever compare.

He says it with sincerity. There is such wonder, such love, and such awe in his eyes. He makes the act of kissing him feel like you've just reached into the trenches to but pluck him soundly from his ruin and despair. You think, Gale Dekarios, how unloved have you been all this time?

Gale: To know you love me for the man I am, and not the magic I command… none have loved me so purely before.

The answer is: entirely.

For so long, Gale thought love was simply being chosen. He knew nothing of being favored for the quality of his character, to be cherished and accepted even in those ways he fumbles and lacks. Again, his needs were seldom met, often treated with utter indifference by Mystra herself, and to meet someone so eager to treasure him, dote on him in a way his heart, his body is somberly new to, raptures his spirit and captures his soul. He's seen for who he is. He's... loved, desired for his silly quips, his easy smiles, and his growing affections. He bares himself to them, and in turn, they cradle his heart like something entirely precious. Gale thinks this has to be dream. He says, at times, you are more than I deserve.

Scenario: (But sometimes, he hopes too strongly and loves too greatly. As it always does, then, like he's once more wanted too much, he watches something beautiful slip right through his fingers. Of course, Gale Dekarios. Of course it does.)

Player Character: I didn't know you felt so strongly, Gale. Gale: Perhaps I should have done more. Been more charming, more flattering, harder to reach... but I was only myself, and sometimes that isn't enough.

They don't love him anymore. It breaks his heart. He hurts so much, so profoundly and deeply, and he doesn't realize that he breaks their heart in turn.

Unable to ever voice his feelings with Mystra in any way that amounted to much, Gale's a tendency to wallow, expressions coming off as potentially 'guilt-tripping' and even, on occasion, passive aggressive. Firstly: Gale NEVER means to manipulate emotions, and he's no intention of twisting anyone's arm, either. Fact is, Gale, never taken seriously when he'd bared his vulnerabilities to the Mother of the Weave, can end up saying just a little too much. He feels very deeply, and for most his life, seldom had an outlet for these weeping sentiments. He sometimes lets slip raw words and oftentimes heart-wrenching expressions; all the same, it's not so pitiful as to shepherd an outcome, but rather, is a gesture taken by a man so desperate to be heard. It may feel like scheming, but the truth is far, far greyer: feeling as though he's no right to share the depth of his heart, Gale simply lets it geyser out in a way he can't cork up. In ways he doesn't realize, he's adapted to this ache, passively reacting so his feelings can at least be seen and recognized—no matter how pitifully unwhole. With someone who values so little his thoughts... well, when he slips into these moods, one can hardly feign shock.

Situation: (And if no one shows him trust and tenderness, any true care in his character or worth, Gale gets swallowed up by how wronged he was.

He thinks: Let me be a god. Let no one hurt like me anymore.)

Gale: They only want us to serve them, pray to them...and ultimately, to die for them. But what if we didn't need them? What if we wielded their power instead and helped ourselves in all the ways they refuse to? I could make that happen.

Gale is not above anger, and as stated, he is not above pettiness; however, more than that, he is not above righting himself whatever wound he was struck. Gale, if not offered much by ways of affection, understanding, is made to believe that one idea that's lived growing in his mind: Gale Dekarios is far from sufficient; he has to be more. He has to be better. Gale, in such an unkind ending for himself, sips too desperately—and perhaps greedily, too, but desperately serves as a far better word—at that idea that he needs power. And so, wresting the Crown of Karsus for himself, he spites Mystra in his own way, becoming a god he feels is leagues better than she will ever be. Damn her thoroughly. Damn her ego, her power, and her endless indifference. He will serve the people, protect them, and in ways Mystra never could, better the world.

Situation: But as a god, he loses all sense of his kindness. Humanity. All who loved him leave him, and even Tara spurns the image he's become. With power, he's gained the respect he thought he always wanted... but in turn, he lost in even greater measure all the love he's known.

Endnote: But healing, knowing to forgive himself and knowing he's deserving of care simply for being Gale Dekarios will remain, always, the best path for him.

[ladychandraofthemoone]

I have some questions for Stanley do you ever have flashbacks and nightmares of the war? If so how bad do they tend to get? do you have some sort of comfort item or like a little safe space for you?

Stanley: *looks awkwardly away* Well-yeah kinda, like I’ve struggled with severe anxiety, the amount of panic and anxiety attacks I’ve gotten especially after Kyle’s death, and my jinx definitely didn’t help me out, well some days I have nightmares on that day or when-him-constantly berating me and calling me all sorts of horrid things or when my old manager before I came to the msr-

But Nia and Freddie, they also know-what’s it’s like- I mean they did sortave kindave taught me everything they know(like Kyle)-They’re were both so funny and tried their hardest to made me laugh and smile and they didn’t criticize or berate me when I’ve cried or made mistakes started talking about bugs and stayed awake with me when I had trouble falling asleep (insomnia I hate you so much) since they also had trouble sleeping…

Nia spoke a lot about her old home in South Africa 🇿🇦 like the animals living there and she told me stories and she sung me a lullaby in Xhosa? Zulu? I believe (and I’ve memorized it by heart) to help soothe my fears, we talked a lot about animals together even spend time at her flower garden and Freddie always tries to get me to race him though it’s more of a doubleheader with him being goofy and telling me a bunch of silly things heh.

The others have also helped me.. I mean Stuart, Falcon and Andreas worked all day to try and help me with my jinx and Andreas did apologize to me for suggesting I would be better off as a generator (though that’s not a terrible idea, I’ll keep it in mind and that’s not the most horrible thing I’ve been told to do-….)

And- and *he gives a slight hopeful grin* Duke and Toby did help me get rid of my jinx and well-I feel so happy *gently chuckles*I’ve haven’t felt this much… freedom in years…it’s.its exhilarating (kyle should be alive not me-)

Ah-sorry for rambling I admit I don’t exactly have a comforting item or memento unless you count the Little Rock’s and geodes or herbs and flowers Nia, Freddie and I find together, and I love being in Nia’s flower garden, there’s a track nearby the forest where I get to look at the constellations 🌌 and the stars since Nia and Kyle told me so much if that’s a comfort space to say-well as long as its not raining or the weather is too much it’s comforting to me…

[justskulkingaround]

Screams

[lovsome]

>:(

[lunarr-stuff]

...

[collectivecloseness]

New Eddie fic out now!

When Hellfire starts a fun little game of ‘what animal does everyone look like?’ your self-esteem plummets to the floor. But your best friend and crush, Eddie, can tell. And he’s there to not only defend you, but make sure he’s around to help pick you back up <3

[lazaruspiss]

Nothing in particular is bringing this up, but a discord mod's sense of pseudo authority is truly impressive. You own a chatroom, you dont own the people in it, lmao. Fuckin wild the things I let [REDACTED] get away with doing/saying to me.

[toastsnaffler]

my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/

[ghostdata]

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[silverselfshippingchaos]

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as of late, i just haven't been able to get the thought that my f/os would never love someone like me out of my head. maybe they'd want someone else? prettier, funnier, smarter, all of that. i'm just scared that they wouldn't like me as much as i like them, you know?

[ringhoarder]

I love being a girl with short hair but.jesus fucking christ

[bunnis-monsters]

do you think the cow/bull hybrids would appreciate someone with thicc thighs and a big booty 😵‍💫 i got em irl and im a lil self conscious about em but

smth about a monster seeing someone with my build going "AWOOGA" does excellent things to my self-esteem

NSFW

warning: SIZE DIFFERENCE, tummy bulge, double penetration(two ds in v), breeding, pregnancy, lactation

You had just started working as a farmhand, helping carry out food for the cow hybrids and give them attention to make sure their milk production continued as usual.

They’re a bit dramatic, and if they aren’t given affection and attention, they won’t produce anymore!

So you started to spend a lot of time in the barn, stroking their cocks and milking them yourself.

It wasn’t easy work, but it paid well! It should have been embarrassing when they’d bury their head in your shoudler and moo pathetically while they filled the bucket up with cum, but weirdly enough you found it cute and endearing.

That morning, you pouted a little as you pulled up your jeans, having to jump and squirm to fit them over your fat ass. Your thighs were so plump, and your tummy poked out, to you it was annoying!

But as you strolled through the barn, giving the cow hybrids their food and chatting with the other employees, you never noticed the eyes following you as you walked.

After a few weeks of working there, you were finally allowed into the bull hybrid’s area. They were way more obvious with their staring, not caring to hide the way their cocks stood at attention when you walked by.

“Hey, heifer. You come to breed with us, huh?”

You nearly fell over when a bull hybrid pressed up against your ass, his cock slipping between your clothed thighs. “U-um, I’m not a heifer-“

You yelped when he grabbed a handful of your plump ass, squeezing harshly. “Shh, you’re a runt, aren’t you? Little thing, couldn’t keep my eyes off this fat ass of yours…”

He began to fuck your thighs, groaning into your ear. “Fuck, gonna give you a calf, okay? Bend over for me will y-“

Before he could get your pants down, a cow hybrid spotted him and charged, mooing angrily.

“H-hey! We had her first, you can’t touch!”

The cow hybrid pushed the bull, whining and grabbing at you, pulling you into his arms and nuzzling his head against your hair.

The bull huffed, pawing at the ground with his foot, but he couldn’t argue. The herds coexisted peacefully, and he didn’t want to risk a fight breaking out between them over who gets to mate you first.

The bulls would get their turn… but the cows wanted you, had earned you.

The cow guided you back to the barn, cooing and nuzzling against you, his tail wrapped around your leg. He was so big and warm, licking you with his large, flat tongue. “Come, it’s only a matter of time before the bulls get impatient. We’ll mate you first…”

It didn’t seem like you had any choice in the matter… not like you would refuse though, you were already soaking through your panties just from the encounter with that bull alone.

And seeing all the cows gather around you, stroking their cocks and running their large hands over your plump curves wasn’t helping.

“Sorry, little one. They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

One of the cows was already pulling your panties off, cupping your fat ass and lightly patting it, in awe as it jiggled.

“I’m okay… j-just…”

You whined, your pussy throbbing with need as you remembered the bull’s thick cock fucking your thighs before you were pulled away.

“Shh, shh…”

Several of the cow hybrids surrounded you, nuzzling into your neck and pushing their cocks between your thighs to fuck them. “Gonna breed you right, okay? Those mean bulls won’t be gentle with you, just a little runt… just a tiny heifer…”

You gasped as one of their fat cocks penetrated you, unable to speak before another one began poking at you, wanting in too.

The first cow fucked into you, licking your neck and mooing in pleasure as the other one whined and nuzzled in closer. They were so soft and fluffy, warm and sweet… but you weren’t sure if you could take two cocks in your pussy at once!

It seemed like it was happening anyways, a surprised yelp leaving your mouth as the second one entered your pussy, the men whining happily and fucking into you as gently as they could manage. You felt like you were being torn apart, stretched to your limits… but it felt amazing.

As they came, they were quickly replaced by others, and everyone got a turn with you, their lovely little heifer.

When your pussy was stuffed full, cum flowing down your thighs, the cows yawned and curled up around you protectively, licking your hair and trying to nest with you.

Farm work was… different after that day. The cows expected to breed you at least once a week, and within a month you were promoted, given free housing on the farm… as long as you kept the livestock happy.

During on outing, you noticed the cows acting a bit agitated, clingy to you more than usual. Despite this, they were leading you towards the bull hybrid barn, even though they had been keeping you away from it since your first encounter.

“It’s time for their turn…” one of the cows muttered with a pout. “Don’t worry, gonna keep you safe… but you gotta breed with them too… only fair…”

You were… excited. You loved the cow hybrids, but the bulls made your pussy throb in excitement.

The second the barn doors opened, all eyes were on you. You were presented before the bulls, only wearing a pair of panties.

“Ain’t a heifer anymore, is she? Bred her good…”

You were a bit confused, not knowing cow terminology… what did that mean?

You didn’t get enough time to think before a bull was crouching down to inspect your warm, soaked pussy. A long, flat tongue licked along your plump folds, making you moan.

“Making cute sounds for me already… when will she start producing?”

One of the cows huffed, pawing at the ground as he approached. “In a few months… once she’s showing you can’t have her, too rough. She’s little, just a runt.”

The bull rolled his eyes, standing at his full height. “Let me see that pretty pussy of yours, little one. Bend over.”

You obeyed, bending over and whimpering softly as he pushed one of his fingers into your needy cunt. “Sucking me in…”

He pulled his finger out, his cock twitching at the wet squelching sound your fat pussy made. “Fuck… needy little thing, aren’t you?”

When he finally pressed his cock against your pretty hole, the size difference between the bull hybrids and cow hybrids became apparent.

The bull was absolutely gigantic, towering over you as he started to push in. The stretch made you whimper and cling to one of the cow hybrids for comfort. Even when two cow hybrids had fucked into you at the same time, it was nothing compared to this!

The bull bottomed out inside you, licking at your neck and cheek with his massive tongue. It was almost difficult to breathe with his cock fucking into you, but it also felt so goddamn good that all you could to was blubber out pleas for more.

The cow hybrids fussed over you, holding your chubby belly as it bulged slightly each time the bull’s hips snapped against yours. They seemed more worried over you than usual, giving you kissing and playing with your throbbing clit.

By the time the bulls had all had their own turn, you were limp, your ass in the air as cum flowed down your fat thighs. You’d never felt so full, so stuffed before…

And you loved it.

Life was different for you after that. You learned a few days later that the reason behind the cow hybrids’ overprotective nature lately was due to you being pregnant with a calf.

As your belly grew heavy and swollen, it seemed you never got a break from your tits being suckled at. You produced so much milk due to being pregnant with a calf, more than any human woman was supposed to.

So you spent most of your days being fawned over, a cow or bull hybrid at your tit and sucking softly. You were always keeping someone’s cock warm, and you couldn’t be happier.

———————

NSFW TAGLIST: @sunset-214 @screaming-crying-screamingagain @strawberrypoundtown @avalordream @icommitwarcrimes @bazpire @im-eating-rn @anglingforlevels @kinshenewa @pasteldaze @j3llyphisching @unforgettablewhvre @yoongiigolden @peachesdabunny @murder-hobo @leiselotte @misswonderfrojustice @dij-ology @i8kaeya @lollboogurl @h3110-dar1in9 @keikokashi @aliceattheart @mssmil3y

[allofthebees]

Idk how I feel about polls that pit fanfics against each other :/

[mysunshine-youremoonlight]

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[bluemoon-fever]

The First Time

pairing: ari levinson x fem!reader

summary: it's your first time with ari.

word count: 1.87k

prompt: ari levinson + "Tell me your favorite way to cum so I can satisfy you the way you deserve."

warnings: fluff, light angst(?), allusions to anxiety/low self-esteem, smut, unprotected sex, mentions of oral sex (f receiving), fingering, overstimulation kink, D/s undertones, soft!dom!ari, size kink, aftercare, pet names, creampie, choking, MINORS DNI

a/n: this is my entry for @stargazingfangirl18 and @labella420 for their Cum Together: Community Revival Extravaganza. this is my first work in a minute (i have WIPs, but i'm still trying to figure out how i want things to go). i'm exciting to see what everyone thinks and i hope you enjoy! (also this isn't edited and don't steal or repost this)

You feel utterly ridiculous. You’ve washed your hands for what felt like ten minutes, trying to hide the clamminess of your hands. After your fifteenth cleanse, you dry your hands and resign to the fact that your nervousness would not subside until you got this over it. Ugh, fine, you muttered under your breath as you succumb to your nerves.

Before you go out, you give yourself a once-over in the mirror. You had your hair perfectly curled for your date tonight. The cute blouse and jeans that fit your hips and ass perfectly was in the hamper. You wore a short, pink silk nightie with matching lacy panties. You recently bought them for tonight and hoped they would work in your favor. You looked beautiful, but why did that not calm your nerves? Why was it not enough?

You felt bad for leaving Ari waiting, and he was so understanding. When you told him you needed to freshen up a bit, he softly kissed your forehead and lips before telling you to do whatever you need to do. It helped quell your anxieties a little, but as you got closer to the impending moment, your anxiety heightened.

You whispered to yourself in the mirror.

You got this! It’s just sex. If it doesn’t work out, it won’t be in the end of the world. You tried to rationalize despite every cell in your brain feeding into irrationality and fear. You hadn’t been this nervous to have sex since your first time, so for you to be an adult and panicking over doing it with your new boyfriend felt extra silly.

It had been a while since your last encounter… a long while. After the end of your only serious relationship, it had been hard to let anyone new in until Ari Levinson waltzed into your life. Even though he was patient, he was persistent. You wanted him, and he wanted you. But you were so scared of being hurt and alone again. 

He worked to prove to you that he wouldn’t do that. He showed you that he wanted you, wanted to cherish and take care of you. Pretty soon, you were falling for him and he claimed himself for you. He was waiting for you to do the same, and for Ari, he would wait however long he needed. You were worth it to him.

And so you let Ari Levinson into your life, and you’ve been the happiest you’ve ever been. For the duration of your time together, you and Ari had only made out and cuddled. He spent the night at your place and you at his, but there was no sex. He never pressured you, which you were grateful for, but you were scared to begin. You weren’t the most experienced. The sex you had with your ex was decent, but you didn’t want that. You had desires, some you were scared of sharing with Ari, but you knew you could trust him. He wouldn’t judge you for that, but you were worried. What if you weren’t good enough? What if it was so bad he left you?

Ari didn’t seem like the type to leave you because the sex sucked, but looking at him, you couldn’t help but feel out of his league. He was sex on legs, undeniably handsome. You’ve seen the way women and men alike look at him, hell you look at him the same way. Could you even keep up?

Before you could go further in your spiral, a soft knock brought you back to reality. “Babe, is everything alright in there?”

“Yeah! I’m about to come out!” Holy shit. It was now or never. You fluffed up your hair, quickly gargled some mouthwash, and gave yourself a last minute pep talk. You are a goddess. You got this! If you can survive half the things you have, you can have sex with your boyfriend.

You walked out of bathroom, but instead of inching towards Ari, you leaned against the doorframe, trying to look like the gorgeous actresses from the movies. Ari was laying across your bed, still fully dressed. He licked his lips as he eyed your form, looking like a predator about to devour his prey. Your body warmed under his gaze and a wetness begin to pool in your panties. 

“You like?” you ask in a sultry tone. Ari nodded and rose up. He towered over you, and though you hadn’t said it, you loved that his body was bigger than his. His arms traveled up your body before he grabbed your head in his hands and pulled your mouth into his. Immediately, he began to dominate you with his mouth. Your tongue attempted to fight for dominance, but Ari easily overpowered you. You could feel him guide you away from the bed and towards the mirror hanging above your dresser. Before you know it, he abruptly pulls away from you and spins you around to where your back is pressed firmly against his chest and growing bulge.

In the mirror, you see how swollen your lips are. Your face was red with passion and so was Ari’s. He wrapped his arms around your center and began caressing your body. “Honey,” he begins. “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

“Nothing,” you stutter, failing to hide your true feelings. Despite experiencing the most amazing kiss of your life, your mind was still running a mile a minute. Ari shakes his head, and you immediately tense. “I’m sorry!”

“Baby, your mind has been running a mile a minute since we got back to your place. There’s no need to apologize, but just tell me what’s going on,” he says as he begins to pepper kisses on your shoulder and up your neck. Your eyes roll back slightly as he begins his light assault, but when you’re quiet longer than he cares for, he stops. You whine, and he gives a stern look.

“I’m just… nervous. That’s it,” you tell him. You look down at your freshly pedicured feet. “I just want to be good for you.”

At that moment, Ari grabs your chin and pulls his lips into yours. The kiss is passionate like the one previously, but there’s a tenderness in this. It’s intimate like the ones you have during your late night cuddle sessions, but there’s an underlying hint of desire when you feel him nip at the bottom lip. Your toes curl, and the wetness in between your thighs grows.

“You are always good for me. You’re perfect for me.” He parts from you, turning your chin back to your reflection. “Look at you. I am so lucky you’re my girl.”

Before you can retort his statement, you gives a light slap to your ass, making you jump. “And don’t question it.”

“Ari,” you begin, locking eyes with him in the mirror. “It’s been a while-“

“I know, baby.”

“I wasn’t done.” He smiles at the little fire building inside of you. “And I’m worried about tonight. But if we can, I do want to try some things.” Your timidness returns, and something in Ari blooms. 

“We can do whatever you want tonight, baby. Can I you do something for me?” he asks. You nod fervently. “Tell me your favorite way to cum so I can satisfy you the way you deserve.”

The sounds of your and Ari’s blended moans fill the air. You lost track of how many times Ari made you come, but all you know is that you were thoroughly fucked out. He had made you cum with his hands, mouth, and cock so many times. You begged to let him suck you off, but he refused. Tonight was all about you.

“Alright, baby. Can you give me one more?” he asks softly as if he hadn’t tore you apart and used your body all night. He kisses his way up your torso, pressing open mouth kisses on your breasts and neck.

“No, I can’t,” you pant. Ari chuckles at your whines. They were the prettiest sounds he ever heard. “Please, no more.”

“Are you sure, sweetness?” he asks as he strokes his cock. His fingers slip between your folds and tease your entrance. He watches as they attempt to clamp down around nothing. “Because she wants some more.”

Ari lines himself up and slides into your channel. He bottoms you out but freezes, wanting you to feel him everywhere. You squeeze around him and cry out. You knew he was big, but you were shocked that he was able to work himself in. He fit deliciously around you. Ari wraps his arm around your neck, something you had asked excitedly him to do. You learned (and prayed for) that Ari was more dominate in the bedroom. And while he had been able to pull the sweetest sounds from your body and take control, you knew he was holding back from his true form.

“Just cum for me one last time, baby. I know you can do it. Isn’t this what you wanted?” he asks giving you a sly smile. While you had disclosed you wanted to try this with a partner, Ari more than obliged at feeding into your desires. He was more excited than you expected. Despite your pleas, you give a small nod.

He begins working into a steady rhythm, starting slow. Before you know it, his pace quickens. He pulls all the way out before he slams back into you. You cry, nearly yell, out as he begins his brutal, relentless pace. His hold around your neck tightens, and you feel yourself growing slicker.

“My pretty girl,” he says. You preen at his words, loving his praises especially when he has so much control over you. “You have no idea how addicted I am to you. Everything about you.”

He picks up the pace, and his hands move to pick up your legs and change your position. You feel him reaching into you deeper and you know you don’t have much longer until you’re about cum.

“Ari, Ari, Ari!” you cry out. “I’m about to c-cum!”

“Cum for me, baby,” he orders. Your toes curl into the sheets, and you let out a scream as your earth-shattering orgasm washes over you. As Ari fucks you through your high, you feel his pace slow and pretty soon he’s roaring as he cums into you. 

When Ari comes down from his high, he sees he fucked you to sleep. He looks down at the mixing of your juices together and smiles. He could never get enough of this. He pulls out softly, missing the feel of you around him. He grabs a towel and cleans you up softly, careful not to wake you even though you whine from the feel through your sleep. Then, he climbs into bed, pulling your smaller body into his chest before pressing a soft kiss to your head and joining you to sleep. You sleep entwined with him, the sounds of your soft breaths lulling him to sleep with a smile on his face that you were his and he was yours.

feedback is much appreciated!