#JUST BURNT OUT

[angesaurus]

I don’t want to be a functioning human today.

[maxbruiser]

genuine question:

How do I name my undertale fan AUs when everything is taken?

[comfortzonelol]

F*ck you (affectionate) 🖤

[gravity-falls-fanatic89]

Today was one of those days where friends just showed up, and pulled me through without even being aware, or being physically there. Love that isn't required was given inadvertently, and I'm still not convinced this isn't a dream.

It's just one of those days I didn't want to be around, but chosen family was there without even knowing. I needed it.

[zeoumren]

"Fazbear MediT cares deeply about all its patients and asks that all patients stay in their specified wards. Thank you for coming to Fazbear MediT we hope your stay with us is comfortable."

Just a lil AU where Fazbear industries branched out into medical care and prosthesis I just could not get the image of Moon out of my head surrounded in a pool of red and saying "I work in the children's ward." and no one batting an eye.

Lots of famous people would come to the hospital, but not many can afford the prosthetics that Fazbear Medi Tech has, but if you can it can be life-changing, they have robotic limbs, eyes, and even certain organs, and no one questions why this industry built on entertainment is suddenly making very functional body parts...but then come the lawsuits, the red tape...and you. a person with an illness that is slowly breaking your body down. and FazMediT just so happens to have a new operation, fully ready to try anything, knowing you could just die as this is an experimental operation that you are signing up for to basically become a human experiment ...but death is worse. you are scared and alone and someone is making sounds in the vents above your cold hospital bed...humming lullabies, speaking reassurances...You think it is your mind deteriorating along with your body...but you start talking to it...your lonely vent friend...on the day of your operation before you fully go out you see a flash of purple overtaken by red, such a deep red.

then you wake up.

A human was back, and they were scared...because that meant a body, that meant blood....that meant HIM. They wanted to get rid of it, make certain it would not become another husk for the scientists to use...another vessel for the glitch...but.

It was so sad, humming soft lonely songs, yet it wanted to live so bad, every breath was a struggle but it fed birds outside its window and greeted children from the adjoining ward. a bright soul about to be coated in darkness like ink, like THEM. they spoke, all of them. it was blunt, thought they were a hallucination from pain, witty, charming, self-deprecating...They were hooked.

They had to make sure you would be safe when you came online. no glitch would touch you...they broke some rules, maybe. fiddled with files, and changed designs...the rabbit motif was a bit too much for them.

you were too bright for that.

a burst of joy, a wish come true

a shooting star, they would wish on you with all their might

they would make sure only you would wake up.

Only you,

starlight.

Star bright.

[mybodypaystheprice]

It’s probably the autism but it really feels like I’m just missing the code for life. Like I know (because people keep saying it) that nobody really knows what they’re doing. But I really don’t know how anyone is managing anything. Absolutely nothing feels easy for me. I get it, everyone struggles, and honestly, I’m extremely privileged. So why the fuck am I struggling so much? Why am I so overwhelmed so easily, why can I only take two classes at a time, why can’t I talk to people, why can’t I just get anything done? Why am I so hurt by even the slightest mean spirited criticism? Again, it’s like I’m missing something. What is it that people can get things done without needing a weeks break? Is everyone else as uncomfortable all the time as I am? I mean, I’ll never know. But really, is writing, cleaning, taking transit, remembering things, talking to people, or just anything idk, this painful and exhausting to everyone else? Are people just pushing through that everyday anyways? If so, why? Am I just weak then? Weak and stupid?

[lesbian-disaster-academic]

i used to be so good at writing strong, thoroughly-researched, thoroughly-edited essays.

as a kid in hs, my teacher literally came up to me, holding my 40 page essay on the intersection of the European witch hunts and capitalism/exploitation/gender roles (it was supposed to be 7 pages...whoops) and went like "this is literally a master's-degree level thesis. what are you doing?? you could literally use this as your final dissertation in a master's program, what the fuck."

NOW??? NOW?? you'd think I'd be oh so skilled. but alas. i can barely piece together two ideas. adhd skill-regression is so so real. im SOBBING

[grim-has-issues]

Not only was I a gifted kid, I was also the only person who could read books aloud in an interesting way.

[bli-o]

hey autistic people who get overwhelmed by large groups or noise or conversation or etc etc etc you’re not evil for wanting to leave a family gathering. just so you know.

[clown-owo]

been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading

[lilybug-02]

Eimmet High...temmiE high. OMG!

Part 28 || First || Previous || Next...

--Full Series--

Next update may take...much longer! I have finals and an internship and not to mention I have to draw- A LOT :')

[kyurochurro]

troubles that come with tribbles...

(aka a good excuse to draw one of my fav episodes and fav crew members while coming back from a heavy week at uni ;D)

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[creedei]

Not the best but I tried

[spoopdeedoop]

now weight a second

[saltmalkin]

self affirmations