#Mac is so dog coded it kills me

[gh0stsh4rk]

“There was a wolf in our apartment”

This is my formal request for RCG to write a “The Janitor Mops Twice” style episode where Mac is a werewolf and it’s never explained.

[mar3ggiata]

professional help, c2. 'The urgency.'

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, eating disorders, depression.

song to listen to when reading this: The Chain, Fleetwood Mac.

abstract: this is Jude, this is a little bit of information about me since you care so much, I don't even know you… anyway yes, I really like being mysterious, what you gonna do about it, punch me in the face? I'm not even real, grow the fuck up. see ya.

Sometimes, she just fucking hated her life. She supposed it was normal like that, it happened to everyone to absolutely fucking despise their lives, no? She wakes at the same hour everyday, does her makeup. Not too much, not too little to show she was sleep deprived and got high last night. Her identity was concealed under eyeliner and blush. She looks like a doll. She likes her makeup, she's quite good at it. She plays with her hairstyles, sometimes a bun, sometimes braids, sometimes loose with a headband, depending on the mood. She walks her dog and cleans his poop. Jinx, a 5 month old Belgian Malinois she adopted when she moved. She found him at a shelter for abused puppies, he was the last one to get adopted. She decided to take him, she planned to move to the countryside soon anyways. Gaining his trust was one of her biggest accomplishments, now the dog had a bit of an attachment issue, but they were working on getting better together. She drives to work with the same 4 playlists playing in her car. Old rock, Frank Ocean, some Italian songs here and there.

She always comes in dressed in dark colours, dark red, dark blue or black. She has 10 male patients and 8 female soldiers. Some of them are combat medics, some snipers. Demolition experts. She works 'till lunch time, eats alone, sometimes skips lunch just to make her body feel something and indulge in disordered eating, then goes outside to smoke and comes back in. After the afternoon sessions, she sometimes has groups together for some group therapy. Then she usually goes home and smokes weed while she cooks her dinner, she acts like she's in MasterChef, puts on music and pours herself a glass of wine 'Quando sei qui con me' she sings to her dog, 'Questa stanza non ha più pareti, ma alberi'. Jinx doesn't even know Italian. Two times a week, she teaches ballet at a local dance school. 13 year old is not old enough to be on point shoes. It's her favourite time of the week though. She gets to finally have control of a situation, she gets some respect. 13 year olds, a fucking nightmare… She gets to tell them what to do and correct their arms, their feet, their posture and they listen! They do, and they like her, they say thank you Alba, see you next week! They learn her choreographies, they follow her lead when she explains a new variation. They even like the songs she chooses for warm up. Mostly Abba.

Alba is not her real name, but they don't know that. A gift from Laswell, when she started working for her. A sparkly new identity, English ID and nice documents that prove she's an English citizen, born in Southampton. She's not. Kept a little bit of Italian in the fake name. She hasn't been in Italy in close to five years. She went on vacation alone in Tuscany once, just to feel her country again for a second. She is not in contact with her family, last message from her sister was three years ago, it went 'I hope you're alive.' Her mother taught her violence. To be in power. To be beautiful and kind. To never ever trust someone who wouldn't give their life for you. Her mother taught her loyalty, respect. She used to never cry as a child. She loved to know stuff, to read about planets. She would kill lizards in the backyard with her little brother, who died young. She saw her first gun at 13. Now, her name is not Alba and it sure isn't Jude. Or Judy, as some patients call her. They know it's a callsign, a code name, everyone has one, especially in the task forces. Hers is Jude. 'Jude looks like an angel, but her words have thorns'. That's what Billy Lunette had to say about her. Billy had been her favourite patient for the whole of 2021. He had PTSD, he had night terrors and was in a mental hospital for schizophrenia symptoms for a while. He wouldn't take his medication, he would smoke, he was a mess. He listened to her though. She was the only one who visited him in the hospital. She showed him he could trust her and he completely lost himself in her. He would call her at 3 in the morning, drop by her office too many times per day, developed a bit of a codependency, but she was able to help him through his pain. He would do research about the treatments, the medicine, cognitive behavioural therapy. Billy was happy now. He was grateful to have had her and she was grateful that Billy had been a great patient. Big challenge. Billy was her biggest accomplishment, and proof of the fact she wasn't completely useless in the army.

She didn't work for the entirety of 2022. She had an accident with one of the patients, classified information. She survived, but man was it hard to live after that day... Spent time with her dog, visited a friend in San Francisco, taught ballet. Price and Laswell felt so guilty they continued to pay her even if she wasn't working. Why she decided to come back she really didn't know. She thinks the truth is she likes helping people, makes her feel good. She likes the crazy stories and that she had a reputation at the base, she was starting to be respected. She craved that. And it really started to bore her, the routine. Until Arash. Seeing Arash so frighted and tense was new, he was a calm and polite gentlemen. She saw an invisible string tying his story and his damned pilgrimage book to the mission she knew had failed in the Middle East. Now, it was a little bit of a stretch. So she did her little research, put her Sherlock hat on, lit a cigarette and started digging.

She had fun, until things really started clocking. He was missing his doctor appointments on purpose on specific dates, to go do what? Call someone? She couldn't steal his phone. Send letters? She tried the post office but found out nothing. The bank really did give her his statements, which was pure luck. He had set his personal security questions as his birthday and his mother's name, which she knew, because he told her. She knew everything about him, even his social security number. Arash really trusted her and she had an incredible memory for unnecessary details. Also, he left his wallet on the couch in her office countless times, it’s not that she looked, it was just there and she remembered. When she saw him stressed and fidgety she knew he was hiding something. She kept a straight face, 'Arash, we can really talk about whatever you want, you know' and he would interrupt her 'You don't understand. The urgency!', he continued to say. She really didn't want to tell Price herself, she would have preferred for Laswell to do it. She took extra time in the morning to get ready that day. She was going in a separate area she knew very little about, and nobody knew who she was. Sometimes people mistook her for someone's wife, or daughter. She chose her outfit accordingly, she wanted to seem professional. She wore a sports bra. There was nothing to look at anyways. She didn't put on lipstick, not even the nude one. She was used to being underestimated, and being looked down at. She was also used to raising her voice and presenting herself as stoic and cold. She knew perfectly how to be violence. She noticed a familiar face once she opened the door of the briefing room. A familiar face mask. The skull guy, she had seen him before. Was he the guy…

She could't get distracted. Her little mission went smoothly. She always knew Price liked her and feared her at the same time, and when it came to his little soldier boys, she really didn't care what they thought. The guy from the day of her accident even spoke to her. Poor thing. She was really amused no one told him about the reason why she didn't want to go home alone. He did really good that night, she remembers him well. He didn't try to speak too much, he sounded gentle. A gentle giant. Unfortunately for him, no one was gonna tell him about that day. When she left the room, she went straight home. She doubted someone would ever contact her again about the situation, they would handle it themselves, and probably very badly. She was driving to her ballet lesson, still thinking they all looked so confused by her words. They were probably gonna do a stupid interrogation, or rather do nothing and wait for the next mission to be a shit show. Imbecilli.

'Alright girls, one more time please!' At least she had her little ballerinas to cheer her up. She had them warm up, she usually did the warm up routine with them. She walked between the four rows of kids at the barre, delivering her corrections. Jennifer usually had stiff hands, and she was tense in her shoulders. Kyla had a beautiful turnout but she often confused her arms positions. The jetes routine, they always forgot that one. 'It's three in front and switch… guys I'm not gonna repeat myself'. She thought she sounded rude sometimes, but 13 year old American girls were a nightmare to work with. Last month, she even had to deal with poor Gemma being bullied in the changing rooms. 'I'm gonna say this just once, three in the front, switch to the back.' she liked demonstrating, felt like she was taking lessons herself. 'Ta-ra, ta-ra, ta-da. And we're gonna hold here' she lifted herself on her toes and attached her right pointed foot to her knee. She let go of the barre, holding her balance on one foot. 'Passè.' she said. The girls groaned. 'The more you complain the more I'm gonna make you stay like this girls. We're gonna do one minute.' She went to the side of the room, to play the music 'From the top.'

notes: translation of the song: 'Quando sei qui con me' when you're with me, 'Questa stanza non ha più pareti, ma alberi', this room doesn't have walls no more, it has trees.

notes: Alba means something specific!

translation: imbecilli, means imbeciles.

notes: let me know what you think !! <3

love, mare.

taglist:

@ummmmmwat @ghostlythots @sweetfemmefatal @natxpat @chavarriakeren647 @ravenmoore14 @farther-than-pleiades @internallyscreamings @hwromi @atoxicrat @cuti3maddi3 @deafeningkittenblaze @its-celeste @serene-hills @lexidoll12 @poohkie90 @lunatiquess

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

@pondsblog @missyouzoe @fallenkitten @bigauthorrascalturkey @bethtay @angelynn-nicole @starluv @stargirlisworld @giyuuslittleslut @impossiblecupcakelight

@rkrivees-blog @ghosts-hoe @kam1snotverysmart @gauky76 @freyjaaasstuff @spicyspicyliving @scottpilgrimvsmyfists @courtney0-0 @shinchanboi @darling006

[j0kers-light]

Hiii, I just wanted to give you my thoughts about reader who goes by the nickname puppy instead of bunny.

I know Joker is so bunny nickname coded but just hear me out, super nice and friendly reader! almost too clueless for her own good, making friends everywhere and just having like a million of extra activities just so she doesn't get bored, having a few hobbies every week and when Joker realizes and buys her a lot of stuff so she has the best material to work with, she has already dropped them because it was too boring! reader who can eat any type of meat and loves burgers, salad? what is that?

"J, I already told you grass is for the cows, don't give me that, where are my chicken nuggets?"

Have you seen how dogs pick everything their owner gives them (Maybe a stuffed animal) and they carry it to their bed because they think that no one can touch it there so they have a lot of stuff there? That's her, Joker has found too many weird things there (His purple tie, Joker's last favorite candies, a HAMSTER???? I hc Joker is afraid of rodents so he would never look in her bed if she adopted a new pet, right???)

She plays dumb most of the time like. "Oh, your name is Frost? No, I'm sure it was Tom, you have changed it, haven't you?" Like YES SHE DID KNOW YOUR NAME IS FROST.

Y/N just likes everyone thinking she is dumb because then she can do anything she wants and just get away with it, people genuinely thinks she is dumb but of course she is not, she'd say she has forgotten the names of her co-workers but then will tell you anything you want to know about their life as if she had learnt it by heart.

I also hc her being bestfriends with Neo and Mac, like REALLY friends and Joker is so jealous about it.

Mac is funny, really is, and sweet. He gives good advices so she tells him everything she knows she can't tell Joker (Her pretending to be dumb just for the fun of it causes people to think she is dumb and after some time her coworkers start laughing at her face and criticizing her behind her back, she does feel upset and she even cried infront of them once or twice :((( ) She tells him the kind of things she knows she can't tell Joker because he'll kill them.

Mac has to tell Joker because he is actually forced by contract, and she refuses to talk to Mac ever again, and surprisingly Joker is the one who has to tell reader to quit that because he knows thats his henchmen make her happy.

And Neo is just fun! He goes with her to parties and lets her drink, he is the one who plays ONE with her at midnight because she can't sleep at Joker's hideout and she doesn't want to wake him up because she knows J needs to sleep.

She kind of has a sibling bond with them and Joker knows he can't break it because it'll make her feel too upset.

She is the little sister, of course, always running around the hideout and getting herself in trouble because she knows that the other henchmen can't do anything to her, then hiding from Frost Neo and Mac because they do.

She is the kind of reader who doesn't care about what Joker has done, its not to her so she doesn't care, other people are mean and bad.

But if J hurts an animal (ofc by accident, he is not THAT type of monster) Then she won't talk to him in WEEKS.

She has a heart of gold and its not like she doesn't have self love, but she knows Joker doesn't mean the ugly things he says to her so she won't leave his side nor get mad.

But she really is sensitive, she gets upset easily.

Joker has to remind her to drink water because if she is running around with Neo she forgets, she only cares about catching him. (She doesn't have a chance but when Joker glares at him he has to slow down)

I think she works at a museum, probably, girl loves history. (Joker has noticed she has a weird crush in Napoleon Bonaparte???) Or maybe she is a teacher, history teacher at highschool.

But the cool type, the type that is always making activities with them and never does an exam.

"Hey, J, you think you can find me 60 cardboard for tomorrow? Need 'em for work." And he is like ??? Its 11 p.m. on a saturday night Y/n what do you expect him to do????

She also tried to paint Joker's face with a black marker while he was sleeping.

Reader leaves doodles in post-its around the house for him to find, when he asks about it she plays dumb again.

Joker would love to make her go really dumb (blink blink) so she stops playing that card.

She really likes hanging out with Frost to be honest, and he has kind of warmed up with her, now she knows his favorite color and she keeps buying him blue things (I don't care, his favorite color is blue in my mind) He politely acceptes her blue bottle caps.

She managed to know most of the things she know about Joker herself, how??? she would never tell you ('Politely' asked Frost, we don't know what she did to him but he is still scared of her today) She never tells Joker that she already knows what he is telling her, that would be mean!

She is a sweetheart but managed to shoot Batman in the leg when he was beating up Joker.

Neo didn't know when she had 'borrowed' it, but she told Joker that she knows how to use guns because her father was a hunter and taught her.

Joker takes her to a few easy missions, she doesn't know whats going on most of the time but is happy to be there, oh but if someone TOUCHES Joker, she'll bite their necks off (I SWEAR)

J likes to think she is as crazy as him, maybe she is but won't tell him.

GOD THIS IS TOO MUCH IM SORRY

*blinks in shock*

I didn’t even know you could write that much in the ask box… wow. I don’t think I should say anything, you already summarized your point 🥰

[lookwhatyoudidithasanxiety]

(OK, so I have this headcanon for TSaMS [like the actual canon show-] that KillCode prefers the organs of a kill rather than the flesh [he is a distinguished lad. A gentleman. A fine boi. Ignoring the fact that he's killed people-] While BloodMoon, on the other hand, just goes for the parts that have the most meat/blood [heart, muscles, etc] and aren't picky about it.)

(I was wondering if KC, Bloody and Harvest have any favorite parts of a kill?)

(And by extension, what are the favorite foods of the animatronics? If they have any.)

-Crumpet

//You know what, I love that idea! I honestly haven't really thought about it? But I would say that based on the fact that the twins can mostly survive off of bloodbags, that they definitely do prefer blood/blood-rich meats (for instance, if they were to go to a grocery store, they'd probably pick out raw steaks). It isn't a food, but Bloody likes to save the bones and antlers (if they take down a deer) to gnaw on.

As for everyone else:

Solar: he never ate in his own dimension because he didn't have the ability at the time (this is where the blog slightly differs from the story). But now that Moon's helped him upgrade? How did he ever not eat?? He has a few samefoods he rotates between, it's hard to get him to try something outside of his comfort zone. But he really likes pasta. Mac and cheese? Yes. Spaghtetti? Yes. Chicken alfredo? It's mac and cheese and spaghtett in one, yes. If not pasta, he likes to bake. He's really good at making cookies!

Lunar: Lunar's the one who got Solar hooked on mac and cheese because that's his favorite food! Especially the shell kind. Regular noodles are ok, but they aren't as good as shells. (Velveeta for the win). If not mac and cheese, his second favorite is hot dogs. Or hot dogs in mac and cheese! And Solar's cookies are always the best! Especially the chocolate chip ones.

Sun: Sun likes grilled chicken. Don't ask him why, but it's really versatile! Chicken alfredo? Grilled chicken salad? Chicken sandwich? He could eat chicken for days. He also likes to bake and can make a mean souffle.

Moon: Moon doesn't tend to eat much at all, he just doesn't see the need. But every so often, he likes to drink coffee (black, the monster). An occasional glass of wine isn't bad, either.

Bloody: When he isn't eating meat or drinking blood, he likes chicken nuggets. Especially the dinosaur ones. He likes to pretend he's a vicious predator

Harvest: Harvest doesn't really eat too often either. But his guilty pleasure? Chocolate ice cream.

Kill Code: He is a refined gentleman, you're right! He doesn't need to eat anything besides his hunts, no. Certainly not- Steak. He likes steak. Not even rare, he likes it medium-well. And served alongside a fresh salad? 100/10

Eclipse: Eclipse doesn't eat. Gods, that's dumb. It's not like it does his body any good. Why would you even ask? Chocolate cake. Birthday cake. Confetti cake. Angel food cake. Vanilla cake. Devil's food cake. He's got a sweet tooth.

And I know no one asked, BUT

Poppy: They surprisingly really like spicy food, especially ghost pepper chips. ("No, bumblebee. Believe me, you won't like these. No don't take control of the body-! Oh no...")

Midnight: Doesn't eat

[the-firebird69]

OK so John Remelard starts to say this we don't know what the **** this is doing or what it's about and we're **** dead if we don't figure it out this is I think your number one guy's been examining it for years you're impossibly **** annoying that's Why you don't **** like you I don't care if you know my people know about it don't get bent you stupid **** so he said that to him after that stuff and the guy goes well I certainly understand that and later he's going no I don't get it said you should get it I need you to die honest to God you are this **** moronic animal and I'm gonna waste your **** **** **** soon why don't you learn that you **** can't learn anything or remember anything how do you get around everyday stupid **** **** everybody in the **** plane that knows about the money a moron. Should be stoned to death because you're so **** stupid it's not a buffer he's he's causing it to happen because of who he is every time you open this stuff up an.... every time you open this stuff up and you can't figure your **** from your elbow out I'm gonna say exactly what it is it's 'cause of who is character is why the mac proper getting away with it. And John Remallard says you're gonna get it and stuff so our son says I'm gonna have someone kill you by hand because you're **** stupid mouth and he got hit I'll tell you what this guy is more annoying than you can imagine but every time he starts this stupid **** we're gonna start ripping him a new one telling people it's because of his character because that's what it is so we're gonna print. We did hear him saying I know a few things about the code that the Mac property using 'cause I hear it all the time when I asked him to see it in their computer and he started to say this I don't think it works and I don't think it does much he said no **** it doesn't do anything stupid it does something to the little mac noodle not your **** mac noodle you idiot so he gets up and says I don't think that does anything I said how can you tell it's complicated and you don't know much. So the guy sat down and said This is what **** blows everybody's at me 'cause I'm a stupid **** and I can't remember anything and he hears so what so get bent or I'll have you hit again. And the guy start to say well I'm getting hit all the time and he's starting to look at the code and people tell told him the whole time we're getting hit 'cause you're holding dog to it you should do something with it and he wouldn't so now the guy is sitting there with his head in his hands he did for an hour and finally he said i've gotta go out and do something and he is going to get more information and he came back and he said he knew stuff and he's the good guy so people started to beat him up he doesn't know anything but he's cursed with the money and that's why it's funny and boy what a **** everybody on the planet knows a little about the code at least in this guy doesn't know anything and he's sitting on it and for some reason it's believable and what we say is maybe it's just that you know about the code and what it means you just don't know why they means to be sitting on it that's the one point you don't know and the most important so he turns around and goes thank you that's what I needed to know people would be assuming that you would have looked at that because that's what they're saying and he's trying to wheel around so our son gave this stupid look of Billy Hicks spinning around and almost falling over from dizziness and he all of a sudden started laughing I do know all this code but I don't know what it means to hold on to it and that started to bother him because there is code about it and it's only a few things and it is killing them so I started looking finally

Thor Freya

Olympus

This is the funny part they're saying that you're getting us hurt and we're clan and you're getting hurt too because you're holding the money and they didn't say what is the code if you're holding the money. They just think that he is not supposed to hand the money out and it protects them if they give it out it might not it might get worse so suddenly he turns all red and he says are we stupid the answer is yes and he's looking around is anyone holding that since I really believe you're stupid because I can't help it that's what you're teaching me and no I'm not holding that I don't know what the code means but the Max are implying that it means you're dead but they're having you do it but that's what they do and it is what they do he said so we started looking around for it and he's finding pieces and we said we sort of know what it is but we're not really sure and give him a couple pointers and said You're expensive and he said I don't know what the hell to do and we said we don't know what to do with it either so just kind of letting you hold on to it then it turns out that the plan is to have you do that so big mistake and now it's changing and we're talking about it and he says boy this had blow this is not really because it's changing so you know what they want to do with the money and he started laughing and laughing and says I don't care what you do with the money you take it and you put it somewhere on a ship or up your **** roll it up and put it in a condom I think you put it in a sock first and you stand in your **** and you go in the airport scanner tape and then you take it to your ship and you stick it in the **** joystick so he goes ohh that's specific well it's an idea and I did come up with it because if I get it it goes against my people and I don't give a **** about your people it was still doing that a little bit but not that much but now it's supposed to be me holding on to my money like my people are holding on to the money and so he freaks out and says why wouldn't I do that I said you guys would be dead because I'd have the money and he says oh that makes sense I think you have to check it I can't check it for you I can't **** hold your penis by your peeing or wipe your **** that's what it means. So he started looking at it and he started checking it and he was trying to get into it and he says I don't know to do it either but he's right they don't want it destroyed and that's going on. So really the whole thing is some sort of preamble and you're saying You're the son and they are too and they're saying what they're gonna do at certain points and they've been giving it away the whole time because they're saying that we're gonna be holding on to the money which is what they're kind of having us do like they did to you So he said in a helpless voice what is he gonna do he said it's real simple hold on to other stuff as well and we have to hold on to the money or else it won't be real because everyone's fighting and he got mad and he said that's actually the point and you guys couldn't handle it at all so now he's going down and really he's getting pushed around so much you can't see anything it's really terrible more shortly well no it's actually me and he knows it

mac daddy

and this sucsk

cant say aa thing it is horror

billy hicks

Olympus

[murshili-ii]

St. Patrick’s Day Special: The Defender of Ulster

~ ~

Our fourth Celtic Month piece celebrates St. Patrick’s Day, the national (and international) day of Ireland, on March 17th. Eat some boiled food; play the bodhrán; fight the English; but better yet, study the Irish language. I _promise_ the orthography is less intimidating than it looks.

Before you read what the piece means to me, share what it means to _you_. I’m just the artist; you’re the beholder.

Leave a comment.

~ ~

Irish legend is replete with good stories and epic tales; but I ultimately decided to portray a key moment from the Táin Bó Cúailnge, featuring Cú Chulainn, one of Ireland’s most famous heroes.

In ancient Ireland, Queen Medb (or Maeve) and King Ailill of Connacht realized that they were equal in property except for one thing, namely Ailill’s bull, Finnbhennach, to whom there was only one equal in all of Ireland: Donn Cúailnge, a bull owned by an Ulsterman.

This may sound like a trivial issue; but within the context of ancient Irish society, unequal property in marriage was a very big deal; because Brehon Law, the code which governed Irish society before foreign law was imposed, acknowledged many types of marriages, some of them distinguished by the ratio of the property that the respective parties brought to the marriage. A marriage between a wealthier husband and a poorer wife was a substantially different legal relation than a marriage between an equally wealthy husband and wife.

After negotiations failed (due to a drunken envoy), Queen Medb resolved to attack Ulster and steal the bull; and so the Táin Bó Cúailnge (“Cattle Raid of Cooley”) began. Raising an enormous army and recruiting Fergus mac Róich, an exiled Ulsterman, as a general, Queen Medb and King Ailill advanced upon Ulster.

As a result of an earlier incident, the men of Ulster bore a curse that at their moment of need, they would all suffer labor-pains; and only one warrior was able to stand in Ulster’s defense: Cú Chulainn, a heroic youth, not yet having reached manhood.

Originally named Sétanta, he became known as Cú Chulainn, “Hound of Culann”, after he killed the enormous guard-dog of a man named Culann in self-defense, and agreed to guard Culann’s house until one of the dog’s puppies could be raised to an equally enormous size.

Along with his brother-in-arms Ferdiad, he was trained in the art of battle by the renowned Scottish warrior Scáthach. A precocious student, he defeated her sister Aífe in single combat at that young age, ending a long-ongoing feud that his teacher had been unable to resolve herself.

Thus, as the only beardless youth capable of holding his own in combat, Cú Chulainn stood alone against the armies of Connacht; holding them off at river passes, and invoking single combat to take on their forces one by one; buying time for the men of Ulster to recover from their curse.

In the course of this defense, he had to fight his old friend Ferdiad to the death; and killed him using the Gáe Bulg spear, the one thing Scáthach taught him that she didn’t also teach Ferdiad.

Cú Chulainn could only be defeated after he had broken his “geas” (pronounced “gyas”); a taboo, prophecy, or imperative, upon which one’s power is contingent, which both predicts and brings doom. Cú Chulainn had a geas that his downfall would come if he ever ate dog-meat.

This would come to pass after the Mórrígan, fickle crow-goddess of war and death, in the form of an old crone, offered him dog-meat, which he was obliged by courtesy to accept; ensuring his ruin in repayment of a grudge.

Thus at the hands of the Connacht warriors would come the end of Cú Chulainn’s short, tragic, glorious life.

The golden-haired figure is Queen Medb; the red-haired bearded figure beside her is either King Ailill, or Fergus. Fergus was given the task of leading Medb’s contingent on the battlefield, according to the epic; so we could either be looking at Queen Medb and Fergus at the head of her contingent, or both contingents with the king and queen at their respective heads.

Across, we see the beardless youth, Cú Chulainn, prepared to stand alone against them.

The valley between the foreground-hill and the background-hill plausibly contains a river and a ford, where Cú Chulainn will make one of his one-man stands to single-handedly hold the forces of Connacht at bay.

The crow and the stormclouds at upper left, of course, represent the Mórrígan and the bloodshed to come. I portrayed each of the warriors as bearing a spear and a shield; because the Irish word for “warrior”, “gaiscíoch”, comes from the words “ga” and “sciath”, “spear” and “shield”. I based the shields on the Kiltubbrid Shield, an ancient alder-wood shield found in a bog in County Leitrim.

[zolusbian]

Your fics got me into lacho hyperfixation hell. I have reread all of them two or three times this week alone. You're just so good at their characterization, I love your work. Do you have any advice for writing them? Both in general and any thoughts on how they'd vibe in an au where Lalo meets Season 1/2 Nacho? Lalo is just a slippery character for me to get a grasp on, and I feel like Nacho really changed from earlier seasons but his lack of screentime makes the details and nuances a bit blurry.

hey! thanks so much for the ask!!! and wow, that's a lot of rereading, ha.

as far as writing them, i've been thinking about how i would summarize it. lalo is definitely the harder character to write for but i always say that the upside to writing him is getting to lovingly describe, like, nacho's eyelashes and bow legs, lol.

so here are some general guidelines.

nacho

nacho speaks only what needs to be spoken. he is not verbose nor particularly eloquent. his speech in 6x03 didn't change my mind about this--that's a special occasion. he is also prone to being crude about things, especially in the earlier seasons. ("you're shitting me." "looks like a schoolbus for five-year-old pimps.")

despite what the reality is, nacho has convinced himself that he is doing everything for his dad and that he has a conscious/he's better than everybody else. nacho is a liar to everybody including himself, about everything. this can be tricky to write, because you have to fight the impulse to tell what's really going on to the reader, so trust your reader's intelligence! alternatively, when you go really angsty (as i am prone to do), you can have nacho have moments of self-realization and then bury them with something like sex, alcohol, drugs, or working out. or just zoning out on the couch with amber and jo's mac and cheese or something.

regarding amber and jo: nacho feels a certain detached protectiveness. they are his morality pets. they are there to keep his bed warm. they are there for mindless sex and to make him feel like he's doing something, i.e., housing them and giving them drugs. the fandom joke that they're his housecats is pretty much accurate. he's kinda shitty about it, but nacho is a kind of a shitty guy.

nacho is smart but not too smart. he does not achieve complete self-awareness and he does not think his plans through. he is prone to thoughtless, impulsive actions that he thinks are well-planned (hector's murder.) this is the key thing i have to say about writing nacho: nacho thinks he's better than everybody, but he's not.

lalo

lalo is not incapable of love, empathy or sympathy!!! he is perfectly capable of those things, he just has a fucked-up, salamana-influenced moral code that disregards most people. lalo loves his family, especially his uncle and yolanda (i will die on that hill--he greets her like a man greeting his mama!!!). if he lets you into his circle--which is nearly impossible and something nacho accomplished through the skin of his teeth--he will extend emotions to you. he just simply doesn't care about most people.

relatedly, lalo is not needlessly cruel. it may look like it, but he's practically cruel. he doesn't kill margeritte (sp) or her dog because he doesn't have to, there's no reason to suspect him; he kills hector and the travelwire guy because it's easier to eliminate witnesses. that being said, he can enjoy warranted violence perfectly well--the bell story exemplifies this, but still, in his mind, there was a reason for the violence.

lalo is gay and also does not see women as people. (these are two separate points, but in lalo's mind, are related.) yolanda is the exception because she's not a Woman, she's Mom.

lalo is prone to flourished speech and is a physical talker. it's a nice complement to nacho, who stands there stone-faced and goes "Sure." or "Nah." to everything.

lalo also thinks he's better than everybody. he kinda is. he's not baselessly confident.

a random pet peeve for both of them: i don't like random spanish in fics unless it's something untranslatable ("mijo" for example). i prefer indicating whether they're speaking in english or spanish. i have lacho talk pretty exclusively in spanish with each other, but either way works, really. (i enjoy the headcanons about lalo thinking nacho's chicano spanish is shit, lmao.)

NOW about the au--lalo would be completely charmed by nacho! i think nacho would have to go through the impressing lalo thing, but this time proving he's not just some over-pompous low-level street guy. lalo might be weary and not take nacho as seriously at first. then nacho would reveal some of his inner smarts, bat his eyelashes and swing his hips or whatever, and lalo would go AWOOGAH with cartoon eyes popping out of his head. maybe they'd take down the cartel together, or maybe nacho would prove lalo's fatal flaw. who knows! we'll find out if i ever get around to writing this fic.

i hope this helped! :)

[ilkkawhat]

Please for the prompts? Mac and Jack with "They won't take you away from me ever again."

[GOOD MORNING EVERYONE ENJOY THE ANGST]

They buried an empty casket.

Mac knew it was empty when the news came, when his dog tags were swung in front of him like a pendulum, when his mother called him with an unrecognizable voice underwater in a sea of tears.

He knew it was empty and had to pretend that it was real, that he had just lost his best friend, just lost the biggest mistake in his life in not following him, not going kaboom when he went kaboom.

He even had to pretend that there weren't sandbags in the casket that he helped carry to its rest, right next to his senior that he conversed with very often, to keep him from being lonely while his son was away on a suicide mission, and to tell him the truth of what that mission was.

He had to act so stoic at the wake. At the funeral. At his house afterwards. Had to watch as the rest of his team—his family mourned the idea of a man that they just buried in the ground.

And even on their revenge mission, Mac had to pretend that he was dead, even with all of the clues that obviously pointed out that he was very much alive.

He had to pretend his hopes weren't ridiculously high, however. Especially when he started seeing people on the street who looked just like him, when Riley stopped wasting time on tears and became an unstoppable force, when even Bozer threw life ending punches with just one fist, when Matty took all her anger out on Mac, chastising him for his dumb calls and dumb references and dumb attitude because she knew, too.

That he was just pretending.

He even allowed himself to have a sliver of fun in the facade, paying homage to the fallen soldier in the best way he could when he found himself face to face with the entity that supposedly killed him.

Two guns, two pieces of duct tape.

One battle cry that would call out to him, bring him back home.

Mac had to pretend that was it. Took a joyride with Riley in her inherited GTO, moved all the boxes out of his apartment, helped his family settle all of his affairs while he was opening separate bank accounts under his name—well, a code name, because Matty and Riley would whip anyone's ass that tried to steal his identity.

He had to pretend that he was taking a vacation when he flew solo, and when he landed, he didn't have to pretend anymore.

He found him under the rubble of the explosion that supposedly killed him. He knew the first responders had been tipped off, bribed into saying there were no survivors, collecting a few jars of dust as the "ashes" that were sent to the soldier's home country.

But all the while, that team that should have been dead was very much alive, and rose like a phoenix out of those so-called ashes.

And then Mac had to start pretending again, while the reason he came here was wheeled to the ER on a stretcher. He had to pretend he wasn't crying, had to pretend that he wasn't afraid of what he found, had to pretend it would all be okay.

He had to pretend to be innocent when he made the call to the Phoenix, telling them where he was and what he found.

He had to pretend that he recognized the man wrapped up in bandages, tied up in tubes, his breathing hissing out of the pump that kept him alive. He had to pretend that the heart rate monitor wasn't going to flatline, that he had hung on this far, and would make it out of this.

He had to pretend he wasn't so drained, so exhausted from everything that had happened, and almost fell asleep.

Almost.

He didn't have to pretend when scorched fingertips wiggled, when a pair of foggy eyes opened and met his, when he heard the voice of this mystery man that confirmed everything he had hypothesized.

"Mmmmmmaccccccc..." a long moan, an attempt to break the silence that had bricked its way between them since he walked away out of Mac's life.

"Jack," Mac couldn't hide it anymore, the floodgates opened and he, as firmly and yet as gently as he could, cupped Jack's hand between his own, a few teardrops melting into the bandages and hopefully didn't sting Jack as much as it stung him.

He waited until Jack was fully conscious, when Jack was able to say more than one word, when he was able to even hear more than one word, before Mac told the man that he loved more than anything in the world how he found him, and made a promise to him that he wished he would have made years ago.

"They won't take you away from me ever again."

[splat-dragon]

Dutch damn well thinks Arthur needs to watch his actions and his words, because he’s coming close to being a traitor - if he’s not one already. Sometimes, he thinks he just might be the rat that’s ruined everything. Every time something’s gone wrong - Blackwater, Rhodes, Saint Denis and Lakay and killing Cornwall Arthur was there, spouting his lack of faith and doubts and maybe that was him feeling guilty, or maybe that was some sort of code, alerting the Pinkertons they were planning something.

Arthur, Dutch decides, needs to prove he’s not a traitor, or be dealt with one. And traitors aren’t dealt with kindly in their line of work, Arthur knows that well. He’s dealt with them himself, dumping their carcasses once they finished with them, hunting them down when they fled and finishing them off himself.

How does Hamilton, an arrogant immigrant, orphan

Bastard, whoreson

Somehow endorse Thomas Jefferson, his enemy

A man he's despised since the beginning

Just to keep me from winning?

As Arthur insists (“Insist?” “Yeah. Insist.”) that he let more of his family leave - John, Abigail, Jack and Mary-Beth, all of the other women and then some, Dutch wonders how it’s come to this. How has Arthur, a cocky, orphan - because he’s not really, his father, is he? He was born to Lyle Morgan and he’s seen the pictures, he looks just like the man, has heard the stories and he’s inherited his father’s anger, his mother’s anger and what of Dutch does he have?

 Nothing. Maybe once upon a time he’d have called him Son, but those times are long gone, he’s Lyle’s boy now, not the boy he’d raised with Hosea, a bastard, whoreson because Arthur had told him what his mother had had to do when Lyle had left them for a year to go do who-knows-what - come to side with John?

 John, who he’s hated since the moment he shot the rope of the noose he’d been hanging on. Who he’d tried to insist they send to an orphanage though he knew how awful they were, insisted he’d be better off though the boy had said he’d fled an orphanage and wasn’t going back to one. And from then on he’d hated the boy, grown only to tolerate him even though John had grown to follow him like a puppy to its master though he’d swear he hated him too.

 And then he’d despised him when John betrayed them for the first time (and why had Dutch forgiven him then? Because he was his son? What is a son that abandons you for a year?) and yet he stood with John now, had gone to rescue him with the Adler widow even when Dutch had said “Not yet, not yet, I have a plan.”

  I wanna be in the room where it happens

The room where it happens

The room where it happens

You've kept me from the room where it happens

For the last time

It hasn’t escaped him the sides the camp has been taking. Micah, Cleet and Joe, Javier and Bill. And then Arthur and John, Susan and Pearson and all the rest. Whispering and planning, and he wants to be there, to know what they’re saying, to know what they’re planning, Micah, Cleet and Joe have tried but they clam up when they near and it’s suspicious and he hates it, he’s done everything for these people and they dare whisper behind his back? It’s his job to plan, his job to lead them but Arthur’s split them in two and he can see it happening before his eyes.

  Dear Alexander

I am slow to anger

But I toe the line

As I reckon with the effects

Of your life on mine

I look back on where I failed

And in every place I checked

The only common thread has been your disrespect

Arthur… now that he thinks on it, every time something’s gone wrong, Arthur was there. (Though Arthur is always there, isn’t he? He brings him along like one brings their favorite dog on every hunt, their favorite horse on every ride, but that escapes him as things do so often these days) Spouting his doubts, his lack of faith.

  ‘Let’s not waste any more lives needlessly!’

  ‘Here he goes… Doubting Thomas… is there any plan you ain’t sour on?’

He’d doubted Blackwater, doubted the Braithwaite and Gray con, the Saint Denis bank robbery. And every time he doubted, every time he lacked faith, every time he didn’t throw his all, someone died. Mac and Davey and Jenny, Sean and the Duffy boy, Lenny and Hosea, all because Arthur wouldn’t concede.

 Every time Dutch failed, there was Arthur - the only common thread.

  Now you call me "amoral"

A "dangerous disgrace"

If you've got something to say, name a time and place, face-to-face

I have the honor to be your obedient servant

A dot Burr

Arthur has taken to calling him a lot of things - but never to his face. “Dangerous,” was his favorite, though “Insane” and “Unhinged” were close after it, and many others that he heard through the grapevine - he’d heard ‘dangerous’ once, walking passed and only a deep breath, a desperate attempt to keep from reinforcing Arthur’s lies had kept him from confronting the man. Micah had taken to passing on Arthur’s lies, so Dutch would know what was being spread through the camp, telling him what he, Joe and Cleet heard when Arthur thought they weren’t listening.

 He’d never raised Arthur to be a coward, but he’d raised Arthur to not be many things and he’d turned into them so should it surprise him that Arthur had turned yellow-belly and couldn’t insult him to his face?

  Mr. Vice President

I am not the reason no one trusts you

No one knows what you believe

I will not equivocate on my opinion

I have always worn it on my sleeve

Even if I said what you think I said

You would need to cite a more specific grievance

Here's an itemized list of thirty years of disagreements

Sweet Jesus

Arthur will tell you he’s not the reason no one (well, almost no one, there’s some poor, deluded fools left who do) - Dutch is the reason few trust Dutch. No one knows what he believes anymore, what he thinks anymore. He used to be Robin Hood, stealing from the rich to give to the poor, had the motto of ‘shoot fellers as need shooting, save fellers as need saving, feed ‘em as need feeding’. But now he shot those who needed saving and saved those who needed saving and starved those who needed feeding. Robbed the rich and the poor indiscriminately, and Arthur was pretty damn sure he was robbing from their coffers too, and god above and hell below knew they couldn’t afford that.

 He will not sugar coat his stance, will not back down: the women and John need to be set loose, to be set free with enough to give them a new life and if that means those who’re left behind go hungry so be it. The innocents of the gang need to be given a new life, they don’t deserve to be sleeping in the dirt, to be afraid of whatever lurks in the cave that looms over them, to be afraid to sleep for fear of what Cleet and Joe and Micah might do, of being woken by Dutch’s screaming. Maybe he might have hidden his opinion before, back when he could trust Dutch and Hosea to speak it for him but Dutch isn’t Dutch anymore, and if Dutch has a problem he needs to say what it is instead of brewing and growing angrier and angrier.

 Because Dutch damn well has plenty of issues with Arthur, he’ll admit that. They used to be family, once upon a time, but this Dutch ain’t his pa anymore.

  Hey, I have not been shy

I am just a guy in the public eye

Tryna do my best for our republic, I don't wanna fight

But I won't apologize for doing what's right

I have the honor to be your obedient servant

A dot Ham

Arthur’s just a man in the gang, just the workhorse and hardly even that anymore now that he can hardly mount his horse without shaking apart. Just trying to do his best for the gang, to get those that deserve better out. The innocents - as innocent as you can be running with them, those that aren’t murderers, that have only picked pockets and killed those that needed killing, the kid and the kid’s family because John is a murderer but not by his own will, he was as fooled as Arthur himself has been and Arthur’s too set in his ways, he’s dying and will be dead before he can get loose if Dutch or Micah or Cleet or Joe or Javier or Bill don’t kill him first, but John’s young and healthy and can start a new life with his family.

 Arthur doesn’t want to fight his family, but he won’t apologize for doing what’s right.

  Careful how you proceed, good man

Intemperate indeed, good man

Answer for the accusations I lay at your feet or prepare to bleed, good man

Dutch damn well thinks Arthur needs to watch his actions and his words, because he’s coming close to being a traitor - if he’s not one already. Sometimes, he thinks he just might be the rat that’s ruined everything. Every time something’s gone wrong - Blackwater, Rhodes, Saint Denis and Lakay and killing Cornwall Arthur was there, spouting his lack of faith and doubts and maybe that was him feeling guilty, or maybe that was some sort of code, alerting the Pinkertons they were planning something.

 Arthur, Dutch decides, needs to prove he’s not a traitor, or be dealt with one. And traitors aren’t dealt with kindly in their line of work, Arthur knows that well. He’s dealt with them himself, dumping their carcasses once they finished with them, hunting them down when they fled and finishing them off himself.

  Burr, your grievance is legitimate

I stand by what I said, every bit of it

You stand only for yourself, it's what you do

I can't apologize because it's true

Dutch’s grievances are legitimate - though maybe not the ones Dutch thinks. He stands by what he said, every bit of it. Dutch stands only for himself, it’s’ what he does. Maybe not what he used to do, back when he was a kid, back when he was growing up and the gang was only three strong, four strong, then six strong, even ten, fifteen strong, even in Colter, or maybe it was, maybe he was just good at hiding it, Arthur doesn’t know anymore, and he won’t apologize because it’s true.

 Dutch stands only for himself, works only for his benefit, and Arthur will stand by that until he dies.

  Then stand, Alexander

Weehawken, dawn

Guns drawn

They stand, guns drawn, in Beaver Hollow. 

 Susan and Arthur aim at Micah.

 Bill, Micah, Cleet and Joe aim at Arthur.

 Susan falls.

 Dutch falters, aims at both.

 John's alive.

 At Arthur and John.

 Javier aims at the sky.

  You're on

I have the honor to be your obedient servant

A dot Ham

A dot Burr

Before it all, Arthur had the honor to be his son. And then his work-horse, then the rat, and now he dies, Dutch knowing he’s not the rat.

[wildwarcat]

Okay, I caved in to my own personal peer pressure and decided to post the first chapter of Warhawk. If you’ve got questions, or just wanna chat because you’re slowly slipping into madness due to social distancing, shoot me a message!

Words: 4k 

Warnings: Fluff, partial nudity, maybe some cussin’

Prologue 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Reunion

"If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore; and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown. But every night come out these envoys of beauty, and light the universe with their admonishing smile." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

New Orleans, Louisiana, May 1995

Had I known what events would transpire over the course of the following twenty-four hours, I would have had less to drink at my usual watering hole. Not that it made a difference. After the crash in 1989, I found that I was physically incapable of ever getting drunk again. What a horrible way to grieve... sober, that is. Had it not been for my level of clearance at S.H.I.E.L.D., I never would have known the details surrounding the crash, the details regarding why Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S. was terminated. Lawson was dead, her body recovered at the site. But Carol...

Carol was nowhere to be found. There was no evidence of a body at the crash. We were forced to believe that when Lawson's light speed engine exploded... we were forced to believe that her body disintegrated on contact as a result of the blast. Maria was given the remaining half of her dog tags, which she in turn gave to me. It sat around my neck everyday, next to mine. But it didn't do much to take away the pain, the hole in my heart that had been growing wider with each passing day over the course of six years.

"Foxtrot to Warhawk."

I pressed the comm in my ear as I flagged down the bartender and pointed at my empty beer glass, "Go ahead, Foxtrot."

"I'm gonna need you to swing by a set of coordinates not too far from your location. I've sent them to your pager."

"What for? On account of me being S.H.I.E.L.D.'s top asset, I believe I have the right to know what I'm walking in to, don't you?" I asked him with a smirk, despite the fact that he couldn't even see it.

"Well, if I told you what it was about, that would ruin the surprise, wouldn't it?"

I laughed, taking a sip from my glass as I did, "All right. I'll be there in an hour. Want me to bring my briefcase?"

"And your Sunday best."

I straightened up, my light tone turning serious as I threw forty bucks down to pay off my tab, "I'm on my way."

Chugging the remainder of my lager, I grabbed my leather jacket and keys before exiting the bar, making my way toward my now rusty truck. I had been given the option of upgrading it shortly after the crash, but there were too many memories in it for me to simply let it go. I would drive that old Chevy into the ground if given the opportunity. The engine roared to life and I slammed the driver's door shut, whipping my pager off my belt. Sure enough, Fury had sent me a set of coordinates along with the message, 'Look for the jet parked out front.'

I pulled out a map from my glove compartment and tracked down where I needed to be pretty quickly before throwing the truck in reverse and speeding out of the parking lot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finding the place that Fury wanted me to go wasn't that hard. It was what came after I got there that made things interesting. When I put my truck in park outside of a small house not far from the Louisiana bayou, I immediately went to my truck bed and pulled out a large steel trunk. Having enhanced strength certainly had its perks because with one arm, I was able to carry one hundred and fifty pounds of reinforced steel without trouble to the front door.

Not knowing what was on the other side, I decided to give a S.H.I.E.L.D. approved code through the door.

Knock... knock, knock, knock... knock... knock, knock.

The door swung open wide, revealing Nick Fury. His left eye had been patched up, looked like it had been cut just above his brow, and he looked exhausted, but aside from that, he seemed okay.

"What happened to you?" I asked him, "I thought you were in California."

"It's a long story." He sighed, "You brought your stuff, right?"

"Everything's here." I replied, lifting the trunk a bit higher. Fury stepped aside and let me in, but stopped me before I could go any further into the house.

"There's something you need to know, Mac." He said quietly, his tone serious. I arched a brow at him and took a hesitant step back.

"Then tell me."

"That pilot you told me about, the one who died in a crash six years ago. Her name was Carol Danvers, wasn't it?"

My expression faltered, went from steely to heartbroken and back in an instant, "Yeah. And I thought I told you to never bring it up. So why are we talking about it?"

"Well, that's the thing. Turns out-"

Someone stepped into the hallway, well, multiple someones did. What I saw sent my head spinning. There was Maria Rambeau, standing with her daughter, Monica, now twelve years old. And there with them...

"That's impossible." I breathed, my voice cracking uncharacteristically, "You're dead."

But she wasn't. Standing there right before my eyes was Carol Danvers, still stunningly beautiful, still as fiery as an F-15 afterburner. But there was something different about the way she was looking back at me. It was as though she didn't recognize me at all, as if I was a stranger to her. Then something seemed to click, and recognition flooded her beautiful brown eyes.

"Paige?" She asked gently, her voice like music to my ears. I set my trunk down and opened the front door, motioning for her to follow me outside. She did, and as soon as we were far enough away that I was certain no one would see or hear us, I turned around to face her again.

"How are you alive?" I asked her angrily, tears stinging the backs of my eyes, "I saw the photos of the crash, there's no way you could have survived!"

She took a step toward me, reached out to set a hand on my shoulder, but I slunk back, wanting to keep my distance from... whoever this imposter had to be.

"Lawson and I both survived the crash. We were shot down by a Kree ship; they're an alien race hellbent on getting their hands on Lawson's lightspeed tech. They killed Lawson and kidnapped me."

The more she spoke the less I believed. Every word that tumbled out of her mouth just added to the insanity.

"How can you expect me to believe that?" I demanded, my hand drifting to the pistol attached to my belt, "How can you possibly expect me to believe anything you say?"

"Then ask me something." She begged, tears welling up in her own eyes, "Ask me something only I would know."

I took a shaky breath and drew my pistol, "Tell me about the night we first kissed."

She paused, looking as though she was searching for the memory, her eyes drifting toward the ground. I wrapped my index finger around the trigger. Then her eyes shot up to meet mine.

"We were at your place after karaoke night at Pancho's. Maria had gone home early because her babysitter bailed on her, so it was just the two of us. We were standing on the front porch of your house and we were both drunk off our asses, but we still managed to remember every single detail when we woke up the next morning. After I kissed you, I said, 'I've never wanted to kiss anyone as badly as I've wanted to kiss you.' And then you kissed me."

I had never told anyone about that night... not even Maria, not even Nick. It was really her. My entire body tensed, I dropped my gun and let the water works run.

"Carol?"

She nodded, tears streaming down her own cheeks as she began to smile. I strode over to her, my arms snaking around her, her hands making their way around my waist. Time seemed to speed up as we stood there, holding tightly onto each other, both of us fighting the urge to kiss each other. It wasn't until Maria called us both back inside that we finally separated, though that didn't stop Carol from keeping her hand in mine the entire walk back to the house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So let me see if I've got this straight." I said, recapping the events that had just been described to me, "After you shot Lawson's light speed engine, you absorbed the radiating energy from the blast and got kidnapped by the Kree. On their home planet you were given a blood transfusion which makes you a human/Kree hybrid. And after being kidnapped by the Skrulls, including this guy over here," I pointed at the Skrull, who had introduced himself as Talos, "You ended up back on Earth with no recollection of your past life. Then you managed to break into Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S., escape S.H.I.E.L.D. custody, realize that the Kree are actually the bad guys and regain your memories. And now, you're asking me to go with you into space in order to find Lawson- sorry, Mar-Vell's lab, where she hid the energy core that the Kree are after. Sound about right?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Though when I got my memories back, I definitely didn't remember you being taller than me though." Carol remarked with a lopsided smirk. She and Fury had filled me in on what had happened and why two green, monstrous-looking aliens were in the Rambeau house, but I was having a bit of trouble wrapping my head around everything. So rather than ask a million questions, I turned my attentions to Carol's comment.

"The last time I saw you physically was the day before I went in to receive the Super Soldier Serum. As soon as the procedure was over, I was sent to D.C. for S.H.I.E.L.D. training. We spoke on the phone a few times, but I never saw you again after that day. And next thing I knew, you and... Mar-Vell were both dead." Lawson's true name still didn't sound right coming out of my mouth. The look on my face made both Carol and Talos, chuckle.

"So what have you been doing then for the past six years?" Carol asked me out of genuine curiosity, "They didn't stick you behind a desk like Fury, did they?"

It was my turn to laugh, "God, no! Director Carter assigned a S.T.R.I.K.E. team to me as soon as my training was complete. I've been leading covert ops missions all over the planet for the past seven and a half years."

"Did they dress you up like Captain America?"

I narrowed my eyes at her and got up from my chair at the dining room table. The trunk I had brought in was still sitting by the front door, so I brought it into the dining room and set it down in plain view for everyone. I unlatched the lid and lifted it open, revealing a custom uniform, similar to Rogers' design. It was mainly blue, a navy blue, darker than Rogers' uniform and on the chest was a navy hawk crest set atop red and white stripes. Deep red leather gloves, matching navy pants, a utility belt and simple military combat boots completed the ensemble. I reached underneath the uniform and drew out the icing on the cake.

I don't know how Howard Stark had managed to get his hands on more vibranium and, frankly, I didn't ask. But before going out into the field, Stark had given me a vibranium shield and, aside from the hawk crest replacing a star, it was an exact replica of the original. I held it out to Monica, who had been sitting quietly, awestruck the entire time. She dipped a bit under the slight weight of the shield, but her smile went from ear to ear.

"I may be an enhanced soldier, but I'm no Captain America. They call me Warhawk." I said, turning my attention to Talos, "My job is to look out for the little guy. The ones who're stepped on and persecuted by those who believe they're superior. I'll do what I can to help you get the Kree off your tail."

"Thank you." Talos said, bowing his head slightly. The grandfather clock against the wall began to chime. It was late, midnight in fact, and going off of the original plan, we would be heading into space at dawn. We needed rest. After everyone figured out their sleeping arrangements, we bade each other goodnight. I began to make my way toward the living room couch, but a hand grabbed my wrist and tugged me toward the stairs. I smiled when I saw that it was Carol dragging me toward one of the guest rooms upstairs.

As soon as we were behind closed doors, Carol's lips crashed on to mine. My hands immediately made their way into her hair, hers around my waist. My heart soared at the contact, at the thought that Carol and I were once again reunited after all those years. Her tongue darted out, running over my lower lip, asking for entrance. I complied, and together our tongues began to swirl and dance in an elegant battle for dominance. The Nine Inch Nails t-shirt that Carol was wearing suddenly became too restricting, as did the plain navy thermal I had on. Both were gone in an instant, tattered remains on the hardwood. She certainly didn't seem to mind that I ripped her shirt in half, discarding it lazily on the floor. If anything, the passion that had been recreated between us began to burn even brighter, as a soft glow began to break through my closed eyes. I pulled away gently, my eyes opening ever so slightly.

"You're glowing." I whispered huskily. It was a sight to behold, pale rays of blue, purple and gold light danced off her skin in a stunning array of color that lit up the dark bedroom in an elegant display. From a distance, she must have given off the appearance of a fallen star, but here, up close, she was a woman on fire; radiant, beautiful, powerful.

"I've dreamt about this moment. About us." She admitted quietly, setting her head in the crook of my neck, listening closely to the sound of my steadily beating heart, "But I couldn't remember who you were. I wanted to, so badly. Even if it was just your name... that would have been enough. At least then I would have one part of my life that I could still hold on to."

"Well, if it makes up for anything, it's been hell without you here." I replied, my hands shifting down to her waist, taking note of the muscle that she had put on in the years that she had been gone, how warm her skin felt beneath the pads of my fingertips, "Not a day went by when I didn't wish you were with me. Even before the crash, not being able to see you, not being able to hold you like this... it was torture unlike any other."

"I love you, Paige." She muttered tiredly.

I smiled, leading her to the queen-sized bed and pulling back the covers. I pressed another kiss to her lips, this one gentle, sweet and loving, but still filled with passion.

"I love you too, Carol."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The dawn came earlier than I had hoped. But it came nonetheless, and with it came the mission at hand. Carol was still asleep, and rather than wake her up right away, I thought it best to let her rest. My trunk was still downstairs, my uniform and shield still with it, so I grabbed a spare shirt from the nearby dresser, slipped it on and ducked downstairs without a sound. When I got down there, Talos, Fury and Maria were already awake.

"She still asleep?" Maria asked me, handing me a steaming mug of coffee.

"Of course. That much certainly hasn't changed about her." I replied, taking the mug and grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl that sat on the dining room table. I turned to Fury, "So that new guy let you guys go, huh? What's his name again? Coleman?"

"Coulson." Fury corrected, "Yeah, looks like he's gonna be one hell of an agent. Already going against protocol, breaking the rules."

"Sounds like he learned from the best."

"Very funny."

"Not as funny as that time you wiped out trying to chase a couple of Soviet spies in Budapest in '91." I smirked. Fury didn't reply, he just glared at me and walked away. I polished off the coffee and the apple, grabbed my uniform and went back upstairs to change.

Sure enough, not only was Carol still asleep, but she had taken over my side of the bed, limbs sprawled out covering the entirety of the bed. I changed quickly and quietly before making my way over to her. I sat down on the bed next to her feet and shook her on the shoulder.

"You know, as adorable as you look right now, we have an entire alien race to save, so I'm gonna have to ask that you get your beautiful self out of bed."

"Fi mo ins." She grumbled into her pillow.

"Come again?"

She rolled over and groaned, "Five more minutes."

I leaned over and pressed my lips to hers, making her smile softly, "No can do, baby. We've got lives to save."

She sat up, meeting my lips lovingly on the way, then took a moment to drink in the sight before her.

"Nice outfit." She grinned, setting a hand on the hawk head on my chest, "It suits you."

"Thanks, beautiful. Now get dressed, we've gotta go."

Going to space was definitely something on my bucket list. Going to space to fight a technologically advanced race of aliens... not so much. But hey, how many opportunities was I gonna get to go to space? As I stood outside the stolen P.E.G.A.S.U.S. quadjet with Maria, Talos and Fury, who held Goose, a creature that looked like a cat, though Talos insisted she was a dangerous alien called a Flerken. I watched as Carol interacted with Monica, who had made sure to get herself out of bed before we left. She was fiddling with the color scheme of Carol's suit, before settling on the colors of the original Air Force logo.

"She's somethin', isn't she?" Fury asked me when he saw the way Carol suddenly locked eyes on me.

"Just somethin' doesn't do her justice, Fury. She's... amazing." I smiled, lifting my shield up and attaching it to the electromagnets on my back. I pulled out my Colt Mustang and checked the magazine. Six rounds, plus five additional magazines attached to my belt, perfect. Carol made her way over to the quadjet, wrapping an arm around my waist and leading the rest of us on board. We all took our seats, Maria and Carol in the pilots' chairs, Fury, Talos, Goose and I all behind them.

"Hope your science guy knows what he's doing." Fury muttered to Talos as the quadjet lifted off the ground. Talos grunted, his violet eyes staring straight ahead. After a minute or two, Carol spoke up.

"Passing five hundred and climbing."

"Maintain speed. Any change in speed will turn this old junker into a fireball in the atmosphere." I remarked, letting the familiar feeling of pressure wash over me as we climbed.

"You know you really shouldn't have that thing on your lap." Talos said to Fury, pointing at Goose who was lounging comfortably on Fury's legs.

"Our little alliance with you is tenuous at best." He replied, lifting Goose up and holding him out toward Talos, who shifted away uncomfortably, "And as long as she continues to freak you out, I'm gonna keep giving her all the love and hugs she needs."

I laughed, "Didn't know you were a cat person, Fury."

"Didn't know you were gay until yesterday, Mac. Looks like we're all learning something knew about each other."

"Guess so." I smirked, leaning back in my chair.

"Can I ask you something?" Maria asked, glancing over her shoulder to look at Talos, "Do you just turn into anything you want?"

"Ah, well, I have to see it first." The Skrull replied, surprised at the interest in his shapeshifting abilities.

"Can all of you do it?"

"Physiologically, yeah. But it takes practice, and, dare I say, talent, to do it well."

"Can you turn into a cat?" Fury asked him.

"What's a cat?"

"What about a filing cabinet?" Maria asked him.

Talos gave her a confused look, "Why... would I turn into a filing cabinet?"

"Oh! Venus flytrap! I'll give you fifty bucks right now if you turn into a venus flytrap." I smirked. Talos gave me an unamused look and I heard Carol chuckle under her breath in front of me.

"Switching engines from Scramjet to fusion." Carol announced, "Buckle up, folks."

The sudden shift in propulsion made me suck in a breath. The jet began to shake as we rose higher, everyone was pushed back in their seats. Fury began to grip the arms of his chair until his knuckles turned white.

"Hey, is this normal, like space turbulence?" He asked over the sound of the roaring afterburners.

"Pretty much!" Carol called back to him. Talos looked over at him and then at me and shook his head slowly. Suddenly, the propulsion came to a stop, everything that wasn't strapped down to something, that included Goose, began to float from the lack of gravity. I held back an audible gasp as I looked out on the vast emptiness of space for the very first time. Something that seemed so dark, so endless, and so monotonous, and yet it still managed to take my breath away.

Maria switched on the artificial gravity and everything fell back into place as the jet came to a halt.

"Locking in coordinate grid." Carol said.

"Where is it?" I asked, seeing only the black void of space and a clouded corner of the western hemisphere.

"It's here," Talos muttered under his breath, "It's gotta be here."

"Well, is it in front of all that nothing, or behind it?" Fury asked him, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. I rolled my eyes as Carol pulled up a holographic computer from her wrist gauntlet and punched in a code.

Suddenly, the void wasn't a void anymore as a massive ship appeared out of nowhere. My mouth fell open as I beheld the sight before me. Totally worth getting only four hours of sleep. Carol navigated the jet easily into the central hangar, where, once everyone was out, we went over our plan one final time. I grabbed my shield, attaching it to the electromagnetic plates on my left arm and took a deep breath, following Talos as he took off running into the bowels of the ship.

[garruson-vakarian]

ME + DA Friend Pairings

Okay but hear me out...

Shepard x The Warden/The Inquisitor

They would share stories of their heroism and their incredible strokes of luck. They would enjoy each other’s company, but would respectfully leave each other be out of the fear that some conflict would spawn out of nowhere and threaten the world (again).

Jeff “Joker” Moreau x Hawke / Varric Tethras

They would absolutely need tissues from crying out of laughter. No one would be safe from the treachery of their humor. Joker would spin stories at a rate that even Hawke was impressed with... Varric may have met his match. That begs the question, though: How much of  their stories are true?

Garrus Vakarian x Cullen Rutherford

Calibrations, strategy, and weaponry. Need I say more? These two would deliberate on their dreadful pasts and reflect on how they have changed their lives little by little to ensure that those tragedies don’t repeat themselves as long as they are still alive.

Kaidan Alenko x Alistair Theirin

Strong connections to their homeland. Would probably argue over who has the best national anthem, but laugh about it later over a warm homemade brew of Canadian-Fereldan craft beer.

Liara T’Soni x Lace Harding / Shaper Valta (same voice actress!)

Precious cinnamon rolls. All three of them. Each of them are curious about the world around them and are passionate when they talk about their work. However, they would not need to be protected at all costs, for they could easily protect themselves.

James Vega x The Iron Bull (same voice actor!)

They would host public contests to showcase who is stronger. Iron Bull would either hit James or hit on him. There’s no telling which would take place (first). There would be lots of competing and dancing between the two of them. Jimmy and Patches would have trouble getting bored.

Zaeed Massani x Fenris

Vengefully brooding in some corner, no doubt leaving a trail of dead bodies behind them. Zaeed would tell Fenris stories of how he killed a number of slavers as a mercenary, which would make him feel more comfortable in his company. Fenris, in turn, humored Zaeed by explaining how his hate for mages applies to biotics.

Urdnot Wrex x Sten

Severe levels of loyalty to their kin, to the point where they can make questionable decisions out of blind loyalty. They find respect for each other after questioning each other in their decisions and finding that they both learned from their experiences, and that an outsider’s influence may not have been the worst thing that could have happened to them.

Grunt x Oghren

Would absolutely attempt to out-drink each other. Grunt would learn to respect Oghren after he drank four bottles of ryncol and still managed to swing his axe in a 360 motion seven times without falling over. Grunt could do double that, but it was still more than anything a being half of his height could do.

Samara x Wynne

These two would talk about their need to protect others, and how their motherly love has grown to benefit those who need it. While Samara is dictated by the code, Wynne is aided by the spirit that possesses her. They ponder how they are lucky to be born with the gifts they are given, and that they are content with whatever fate has in store for them.

Thane Krios x Solas

I would be surprised if they did not discuss the meaning of life. They take pride in the fact that their role in their own lives is to serve as they are needed, and accept that some powers are greater than their own. However, this would not stop either of them in their endeavors to ensure that the ones they love are safe. Solas would attempt to replicate Thane’s reflective and vivid memories in the Fade, and invite him to experience it to lighten his burdens.

Morinth x Zevran Arainai

A dangerously provocative duo. These two would constantly tease each other into a bed somewhere, where Morinth could attempt to get Zevran to embrace eternity. Luckily, Zevran is smart enough to know when he is about to be overwhelmed by a woman (in a bad way), and can easily weasel his way out of her grasp. Regardless, the cycle continues.

Miranda Lawson x Isabella

These ladies would likely find comfort in talking about the little things that give them so much in common. It would help take away from their hectic lives, and allow peace to be found in fashion catalogs and their fierce independence.

Jack x Sera

At first, Jack would be incredibly annoyed by Sera. I mean, really, really annoyed. That is, until Jack stumbles upon some brownies in her quarters. Sera’s baking skills have improved since the bad cookies, and have evolved into a mastery of a red sand and lyrium brownies. It started out as a prank, but Jack makes sure to carry a few of them with her wherever she goes now, usually to remind herself not to destroy Sera the next time she sees her.

Kasumi Goto x Leliana

These girls would create some kind of secret language they could use to share information in a normal conversation with their peers. Even though they would refuse to share any secrets of their own, they would at least have fun with each other in the new world they have created together.

Ashley Williams x Anders

Both of these characters would share their constant strife with their unpopular opinions, which they do not hesitate to share. While they may find it difficult to get along with their peers because of this, they manage to get along with each other due to their dedication to their morals.

Commander Bailey x Blackwall

Would sit in immeasurable amounts of guilt and silence and avoid eye contact like the plague. Still, they could do that together and have a mutual understanding without speaking a word. The crossed arms would be enough.

Tali’Zorah vas Normandy x Josephine Montiliyet

They would share stories of their people’s history, which took place in ships that led to the success of generations. Each of them would explain the logistics of the ships they speak of, and be shocked in the stark difference between them. However, they would no doubt take notes of the intricate and fragile operations they function within.

Legion x Cole / Justice

An interesting combination, these three are. They have had the most elaborate journeys in self discovery, that they find it most beneficial that they share their knowledge. They also face identity crises, and find the experience most enlightening. They share the fear of becoming corrupted in the world they live in, which is a fear that is often shared with organics outside of the veil.

Mordin Solus x Merrill

Two researchers who are known for their questionable work, Mordin and Merrill would have the most interesting interactions. Merrill would be too anxious to cut Mordin off to explain how her magic works, so she would just silently sit and watch him pace back and forth and wait until he got close to passing out.

Dr. Karin Chakwas x Flemeth

Incredible amounts of wisdom. Essentially cares for others as needed, and they would go out of their way to ensure that others heed their warnings. Chakwas would share her grief about Joker and his resistance to take his medicine, while Flemeth would share her grief about Morrigan and her resistance to take her seriously.

Aria x Morrigan

They have both worked hard to attain their knowledge and power, and they will fight others to the death over what is theirs. However, if they grow close enough, they ~might~ show each other some vulnerability out of the sheer confidence that they are strong enough to destroy the other. However, Aria would remember Nyreen’s ethics and try to ensure that Kieran remains untouched.

[vmheadquarters]

We’re still playing our game of written hot potato! Dozens of your favorite authors are taking turns to tell a Veronica Mars mystery story. Each writer crafts their chapter and then “tosses” the story to the next person to continue the tale. No one knows what will happen, so expect the unexpected!

Follow the “vmhq presents” and “murder we wrote” tags for all the installments, or read the story as it develops on AO3. --Chapter Nineteen of MURDER, WE WROTE is written by @elliebear75​. And stayed tuned next week for Ch.20 from @beezlebobble​ -tag, you’re it!

—————————————————————————————————— CHAPTER NINETEEN by @elliebear75​ 

Della adjusted her blond wig in the mirror, giving a cursory glance up at the screens across the wall. She was more than a little miffed that no one recognized her as the ghost of Lilly Kane yet, all the times she let them get a quick glance at her before she disappeared again into the secret passageways of the house. 

“You’d think that the blond hair and fabulous attitude would be a dead give-away,” she smirked as she followed the action on the screens. 

A tinier than usual Veronica hobbled across the television as fast as she could with Logan as her support.  They crossed from the second screen to the third and stopped near the corner screen when they found Wallace at the bottom of the kitchen stairs, unconscious.  She held her breath and hoped that the trap only winded him as it was supposed to, and not done any real harm.  All it took was a press of a button, and Della sent him flying down the wooden staircase, but instead of just landing on his butt and sliding, like so many others before him had done, Wallace seemed to take the tumble hard, rolling all the way down to the bottom.  A tinge of regret dropped like a stone in her stomach, but she pushed it aside when she saw him come to.  She watched as he wavered when Logan helped him to his feet, but seemed none the worse for wear.   

“Sorry, Wallace.  I had to do it,” she sighed.  “Blame Veronica for getting you into this mess.” 

Wallace had once stood up for her when Madison and Gia cut in front of her in line in the cafeteria, and she didn't want to hurt him; it was just an inevitable consequence of her plan. Like Leo. She didn’t mean for her partner to kill him; it just happened.  Della felt terrible about that as well since he had been instrumental in getting the information she needed to make this plan work. But it wasn’t like she killed him; it was her partner. He just went a little too far. 

Leaning closer to the mirror, she ran her tongue over her teeth and puckered her lips as she checked her lipstick. That retainer was annoying, but her parents were right—she did look better in the long run. In fact, Della looked so good that with some professional make-up tips, contact lenses, and her dyed black hair, hardly anyone recognized her in Neptune anymore.  Which was fine.  When she graduated last Spring, she left Della Pugh behind at Neptune High with the Pirates. 

Now, she was Ruby.  Ruby Jetson. Actually, that wasn't true. During the week, she was Ruby Jetson, a fixture on the Neptune Karaoke circuit. On the weekends, she was Madame X, taking over for her mother, the original Madame X, and father, Mister X, who started this murder mystery business after her grandparents left them this property with no sustainable income to support it.  When she was a child, Della helped her parents set unwitting traps for guests who gleefully screamed at every turn.  With her crooked teeth, frizzy blond hair, and thick glasses, she was born to play the “creepy girl” in the castle. She was pretty proud that she once made a guest pee herself when she appeared in the guest’s bedroom in the middle of the night, dressed in an old-fashioned white dress and powdered make-up as if she was a ghostly apparition and asked the woman if she had "seen her mommy."   

But that was why people had come to the island in the first place—for the thrill. Over the decades, her parents hosted Hollywood celebrities, members of Congress, and even a Prince or two (of the musical variety and actual royalty.) No one at school ever suspected that poor little Della was actually a star, on most weekends.  Unfortunately for her parents, the business didn't clear a lot of money, so her family was never able to move to a house in the 09er area, and that fact had kept Della the perpetual underdog and general bully-bait all through school. 

Veronica Mars wasn’t an 09er either, but somehow, she conquered it all.  And Della hated her for it.  Not an 09er, but she managed to have a best friend and a boyfriend who were—Lilly and Duncan Kane. Oh, and she acted so much like an 09er back then too, gyrating her way onto the Pep Squad thanks to Lilly.  One would have thought that not being one of "them" would have given Veronica some empathy for the little guys, like Della. But when Della caught up to her one day and asked her the reason why Della was rejected from the Pep Squad, Veronica just shrugged and told her to "dance better." 

"Dance better," Ruby snarked at the screens. She leaned over the console and pressed her thumb over Veronica's face, focusing on Logan standing next to her. 

“Logan. Logan freakin’ Echolls. What in the world do you see in her?  Is it the blond hair, because sweetheart, I’m a natural blond too.  Is it the drama, because I can give you drama, baby.  You just never gave me the chance to show you.” 

What really chewed at Ruby was even after Lilly's death and Veronica’s fall from grace, she still managed to eventually date Logan.  Logan.  The boy who stirred things in young Della (and older Ruby) like no other boy ever had or ever would.  Once in tenth grade, she sat behind Logan in the bleachers at a basketball game and just the sight of the back of his neck kept her dreaming about him for years after. That was one of the advantages of being ignored by most of the student population and her "performances" at the mansion—she became good at flying under the radar.  Logan and that dumbass friend of his, Dick, never noticed her sitting on a blanket on the sand every Sunday morning, watching them surf at Dog Beach.  Never saw her sitting a few rows behind him at the movie theatre. Never noticed her sitting in the lobby of the Neptune Grande the summer after he graduated, as he walked right past her, holding hands with Veronica, looking at her like he would make love to her right there, in front of everyone, if given the opportunity. 

Veronica. 

Again Veronica. 

“I was a freaking teenage outcast too. Why the hell did he have to pick you?” She removed her thumb from over Veronica’s face and hissed at the screen.   

When Veronica disappeared to Stanford, Della took it as a good sign.  But the night she happened to find herself in the same dive bar as Logan and Dick, he was still whining to Dick about how to get on with his life without Veronica. It was pathetic.  Logan was a strong, virile man with so much love to give, and Veronica had crushed his soul...just like she had once crushed young Della’s Pep-Squad dreams.  To see Logan stagger drunkenly out of that bar alone tore her heart to shreds, but also made Ruby hate Veronica even more. She had to be stopped.  Veronica Mars was not the amazing and brilliant girl everyone thought she was. It was all an act.  There was no “magic” to Veronica solving crimes.  Just dumb luck.  The Veronica Mars that Ruby knew was a snob and a fake and an asshole.  She was just very good at making people seem like she was helpful and caring.  And this weekend, Ruby would make sure that everyone realized what a phony Veronica truly was. 

Walking away from the screens, Ruby adjusted her sparkly purple sweater and smoothed down her tight black jeans as she paced, keeping herself moving in the chilly space.  Even though Logan couldn’t see her, she wanted to make sure she dressed her best for him.  Or at least her best so she wouldn’t freeze. 

“The way these So-Cal beach girls are running around in the snow, I’m surprised they all haven’t died of exposure,” she laughed, pausing to run her hand over the soft nap of her fake-fur coat, hanging on the wall near the door. 

It all started when Jen decided to bring on Cindy “Mac” Mackenzie to help her on the weekends.  Ruby immediately recognized her through the surveillance screens as the poor girl who had the unfortunate luck to be dating Cassidy Casablancas and be friends with Veronica Mars.  As she listened in on Jen and Mac gossiping during their time on the island, she realized that she could orchestrate an even bigger production from even further behind the scenes, one that could right one big wrong in her life.  Ruby could lure Veronica and all the people she hated most in school right here, onto her turf, the island with no 09 in the zip code. Then, one by one, she could torment them as she had been tormented by them in school.  She would deprive them of food, of sleep, of any sort of psychological rest, and see as they all began to turn on Veronica for not saving their sorry asses. For one weekend, Veronica would be Enid Curtis and know what it truly meant to be the loser, just like Della was for years in school. 

Glancing back, Ruby smiled as the players all scurried across the screens.  “Who’s dancing for who now, Veronica?  Just keep practicing.  You’ll get better at this murder-mystery thing.” 

It was all going according to plan.  Well, almost. The only thing that wasn’t to plan was Leo.  And Madison.  She didn’t really mean for them to die.  It seemed that her “muscle” in this venture ended up being a bit of a loose cannon, something Ruby didn’t really account for. But then again, Jen had proved herself to be mildly unreliable as well.  As Madam X, Ruby left exact instructions about who to invite tonight. The fact that Duncan Kane appeared was as a surprise to her as the rest of the guests. 

The door to the control room opened, and Della spun on her heels, watching as the figure shook the snow off his black parka hood and stomped his heavy boots off on the ground. 

"Okay. I got rid of that Deputy's body and hid it where you told me."  Lenny Sopher removed his hood and ran his fingers through his hair.  "Now what?" 

"Now? Now we wait.  And you stop killing people.”  Ruby folded her arms over her chest, protecting herself from the chill Lenny brought in with him. 

His throaty chuckle resonated in the small room.  Slowly, methodically, he peeled off his parka and hung it on the old wooden hook, next to Ruby’s. 

“Look, you have your fun with them, and I’ll have mine.” 

“I just want to expose Veronica as a dumb-bitch, so Logan finally realizes he’s better off without her and moves on.  Make her a laughing-stock.  Possibly make Gia Goodman wet herself with fear.  But that last one is a pie-in-the-sky sort of fun.  You’re out there actually killing people, and it’s not cool.” 

“Not cool?” Lenny turned, a smirk crossing his face as his fingers made air-quotes in front of his face.  “Not cool?  What the hell was I supposed to do?  When Leo recognized me from that forgery thing last summer, he threatened to take me in. I had to do it so I could stay on the island and help you!” 

Ruby tossed her fake blond hair over her shoulder and huffed.  “Well, you didn’t have to kill Madison.  I mean, I didn’t like her, but still, it was overkill.” 

A sharp laugh rose from Lenny’s throat that rolled and rolled in a way that terrified Ruby. It wasn’t a laugh of a person who thought this was humourous—it was the laugh of a man who was enjoying himself immensely.

“Overkill! That’s a good one, Della!” 

“Ruby!” She stamped her foot and gasped. “You know what my name is now, you jackass.  Now, stop killing people for real or I’ll…” 

“Or you’ll what?”  The laughter stopped, and the grin fell from Lenny’s face in an instant. “Or…you’ll…what, Ruby?  Call the police? On your favorite cousin? Plus, you're what you call my accomplice now.  Hell, with all the Madame X stuff linked directly to your side of the family, I can even say you’re the one who did all this.” 

Ruby stiffened as Lenny approached, trying not to show any fear.  He sniffed the air like a dog, and she cringed, knowing he was mongrel enough that he could probably smell it on her. 

“So, you continue to play your game, Ruby-Della-X.  And let me play mine.”

[lestvt]

wasn’t tagged or anything, i just felt like doing one of these lol

rules: tag people you wanna get to know better!

your name and then what you would have named yourself: j.j.; what those j’s stand for is none of your concern. if i was going to name myself it would be something sick, like godkiller or edward  

astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know): im a pisces and i do not believe in this shit at all because its literally never right about me

when did you join tumblr and why?: 2010-11ish, i was like 15 so no further explanation needed

top 5 fandoms: the vampire chronicles, hannibal (really the only two im active in currently), harry potter, tolkien, stranger things, etc.   

top 5 favorite films: alien (1979), aliens (1986), silence of the lambs (1991),  interview with the vampire (1994), and the descent (2005) ((this list was honestly so hard to narrow down lol))  

go to song when you want to Feel something: this changes a lot, but right now it’s seven wonders by fleetwood mac or alt. i wanna get better by bleachers 

what’s your religion or faith if you have one?: im agnostic and my faith is in the fact that i will always despise organized religion lmaooo 

a song that makes you feel seen: gold rush by death cab for cutie or fast talk by houses

if you could have any career: archaeologist, AKA that thing im majoring in lol also a writer but im already that (unpaid) 

do you have a type: yeah, smart people who care about their future 

what does your heart/soul yearn for: to be left the fuck alone so i can write/make art in peace, but also to study dead people  

if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: overbearing, passionate, nerdy, loud, outre 

favorite subject in school: history and lit. 

where does your soul feel most at home: walking along a large body of water at night by myself 

top 5 fictional characters: this is also extremely hard lol... lestat de lioncourt (the vampire chronicles), louis de pointe du lac (the vampire chronicles), brian kinney (queer as folk), haruhara haruko (flcl), hannibal lecter    

top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: the ending of the anime code geass, the ending of season 2 of hannibal, and ...........idk i dont cry at TV very often unless its queer eye or a show about dog rehabilitation   

the earth, the sun, the moon or the stars: the stars, so unattainable-y beautiful and shrouded in mystery 

favorite kind of weather: summer thunderstorms (as long as im not working)

top 3 characters you kin with: louis de pointe du lac (oof), will graham (harder oof), bulma from DBZ (nice!) 

favorite medium of art: does writing count? unless you mean visual, in which case i prefer pencil or digital 

introvert/extrovert/ambivert: im an introvert with extroverted tendencies when im in a manic mood 

a favorite literary quote: im literally not about to go looking for quotes, its not like i have a pocket book of them on hand or something wtf 

some of your favorite books: interview with the vampire (my favorite book of all time), the vampire lestat, the harry potter series, macbeth, and nonfiction, but honestly i mostly read fanfiction and comics/manga these days

if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: somewhere secluded but within driving distance of a big city, possibly near the ocean and/or mountains 

if you could live in any time in history when would it be?: the present, because im mentally ill and also queer and id prefer not to be killed and/or institutionalized lmaooo... but purely for the aesthetics? the victorian era

if you could play any instrument masterfully it would be: i play piano, clarinet, and bari saxophone (and a lil guitar), but if i could actually be good at any of those that would be cool lol. otherwise... violin (i used to play it but stopped at age 14ish) 

if you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you feel a connection to?: artemis and/or anubis  

oh my god this is so long but LASTLY, favorite recent selfie in your camera roll: me in my casual will graham cosplay for halloween this year: [REDACTED]

tagging: @murdoc , @wicked-felina , @i-want-my-iwtv , @hidethesilverwaresblog , @chietozier , @lucaroyale , @freshsunberries

idk if any of y'all do this kind of thing, but just in case... ;)

feel free to omit the selfie one if it makes you uncomfortable

[the-firebird69]

Watch "Deep Purple - Perfect Strangers" on YouTube

It's the murder house it's also Grandma's house and the correlation is Grandma to Biden who is president and that's Lori were talking about her QE2 and to the Mac clan McDonald's. And they're saying if you go up there that your clan will be hit but I don't think that it is inoperative until he goes there I think it's an operative code now and it has to do with Puff the magic dragon has to do with the serpent or snake really, but I feel that something that happened there that Mac was involved with or not that they blame him saying that your magical kids or something or after the bones of the Tommy F clone Giants

Zues Hera

That is what the whole thing needs and they had Trump murder his own and they forced it and in the house and it's considered sacrilege and Mac was really mad he found the house moved out there and got even angrier saw the two bullying you and thought they did it because of that and he heard you say think about it he's killing his own people and that's what happened and what it means is his people are all going to die and it look like him and it has something to do with Grandma and Grandpa iCarly who is Biden. And that's what it is too. The whole thing starts coming together it's his clothes and it's their code and it's wicked however it does fit with Georgia stuff too and they all are getting curious and the clans, they know biden's plan and they know the plan of trump and Max and their son and they're rubbing he didn't like madness to our son he's not really dealing with it well it's like a madman you know. It's a bit more to it and Mac has been watching the house and inside move and I know it's doing it. It's a book of Eli which means eternity is lying and keep saying about uor son. There's a few more things that it means is a proactive person says he has a s*** together he's on the prowl all these dumb things he says my son says I've had enough of this s*** it's like 10 million times in normal tolerance of any Satanist which is way up there here and I'm a young person and I can't stand you anymore you don't care so you're done. She says it like this you're done I know how to fight and it's the match my son says it's always been the max and you're a Mac so he's a gas but that's what it is and you're his brother. So it's going on like this we're going to use our smarts and tell you what to do. Back off our son Tommy f or you're all done

Thor Freya

No

Tommy f

Then you're all done

Thor Freya

We also iterate it and we say this in addition you're the brainless a****** making all these stupid noises and threats for the most part and everyone's figuring it out and they're going after you the week you get the more obvious it is these people do it too but it's more control you're idiots are out of control

Olympus

You're a huge f**** Tommy f this is a kid's trick and you fell for it it's probably the clans and you're a p**** trying to kidnap me all the time it's for idiots and they were doing it too but really you're a f**** we're going to prove it too what a piece of s*** you know you're treating somebody with an army size you don't know or proportion like dog s*** and you're going to find out that we're huge in a way that is extremely painful and you won't find anything out about what we are you're such a huge loser if these people are massive losers they're a humongous loser if I can just explain it to you I don't know about the ships you keep telling me about it you stupid f****** loser

Zues Hera

I guess I'm missing something I certainly will see it coming up he says and my shifts will be piloted by what I'm missing and trying to go for all the time I do understand that it's payment for what I'm trying but you're going down

Tommy f

What a f****** p**** and a f**** you think that and threatening an inventor more or less is going to save you how f****** cream puff does it get you're inviting people to slaughter yours and you you stupid little snide b**** just like these bags that's what it is loser

Zues Hera that is what it is and you people are stupid as hell you do it every day you're dying everyday you can't figure it out you're such a useless pile of s*** I'm going after you cuz now you're a threat to just about everybody cuz you're a hopeless out of control desperate f**** Tommy f and we're going after you hard you piece of s*** you shot at my husband three times and you start dying and you still don't get the problem yeah you lost it these people lost it your weak and you got to get the f*** out of here and you're going out and we're going to take you out

We're on it now and we're going after them but boy what weeklings

Olympus

You're Awakening the giant Tommy F and you losers trumpsters and bja every few seconds You're such morons I can't believe how f****** stupid you are

Mac

[hitchell-mope]

(Film three. After “pirates medley”. The hook sisters have just run into an alleyway near the marketplace)

Harriet: ya shouldna done kiddo

Cj: why not.

Harriet: because it wasn’t a good move

Cj: you might like men drooling all over you but I hate it.

Harriet: you agreed to it.

Cj: I didn’t think they’d try that. So I’d apprecrie you dispensing with the victim blaming if you please.

Harriet: yeah yeah whatever. Lookee o’er there

Cj: aw FUCK!

(They’ve just spotted chadeficent and Ursula some ways away)

Harriet: SEA WITCH!

Ursula: oh god. (Fake smile) Harriet! To what do I owe the

(Cj shoots her in the stomach with a blunderbuss)

The sisters: where is he.

(Ursula straightens up and the bullet flies out of her stomach hitting some poor sap in the head)

Chadeficent: that was Balthazar yes?

The other three: who the hell cares?

Harriet: where is my brother?

Ursula: hmmmmm. Dunno don’t care. That work for you?

(Harriet lunges are the sea witch but Cj holds her back. While this is happening Hadie poofs back in slightly singed and very pissed off)

Hadie: for the record Rodan. I don’t appreciate being sent to Dark Mountain. Chernabog may be insultingly attractive but he’s far too fatherly for my tastes.

Cj: shove off spawn. There’s more important matters at hand

(Hadie chuckles sinisterly. Then force chokes the sisters)

Hadie: oh look at that. Fragile necks and bravado are such an inexplicable combination. And as you will see very soon. Deadly

Harriet: he.. he he mi...dea.

Cj: he...gone

Hadie: what? What’re you talking about?

Chadeficent: oh I think you know

(Hadie’s eyes glow bright grey. He drops the sisters, takes out a silver knife and throws it at Ursula. It slashes her cheek)

Hadie: ever heard of phlegathon tempered steel? It cuts you. Then heals you. But keeps you in burning unbearable pain. Until such time the wielder chooses to release you from it.

(Ursula’s cheek is starting to burn. Steam is curling from the edges of the cut)

Ursula: I was exiled from Atlantica. Whatever petty wound you deal me is of no consequence.

Hadie: yeah but (he sighs) cut you enough and it burns away your very being. So. What’ll it be bitch?

(Ursula growls in irritation and disappears in a torrent of water)

Hadie: now that that’s over oh cripes they’re gone.

(Chadeficent and the girls have left the scene. At the Jolly Roger Hook is waiting on deck)

Hook: GIRLS! What the hell have you been doing. Dukes is dead. And the men say you killed him Cj. If you keep doing this you’ll never land a husband.

Cj: aye. And what of it father?

Harriet: oh god not now.

Cj: yes now. Our brother has been missing for a year now and may as well be dead and all he cares about is his disgusting heterosexual misogynistic bastards of a crew

Harriet (coughing): code red. Code red

Hook: what’re you saying Cj?

Cj: what d’you think I’m saying dad?

Hook: it sounds as though you’re thinking to much like your freak of a brother

Harriet: Harry was bisexual pops

Hook: like I said. A freak. Men are with women. Women are with men. It’s the law of the world. And I expect my children abide by that

Cj: yes and when they don’t you cast them out and they need to take refuge somewhere else. Say a restaurant run by a squid

Hook: if you have something to say then say it.

Cj: ok. I like girls. Always have. Always will. And you cannae change it or me

(Starkey hobbles outside with a tea set. Sees the family feud. Starts to make his way back inside)

Hook: STARKEY! Did you know about Cj’s affliction

Cj: oh here we go

Starkey (diplomatically): uhhhh. I believe that. She. Wanted

Cj: it’s ok uncle Starkey. I told him last year. Considering he was the one that raised me while you were brainswashing Harriet into being Captain Hook 2.0 and Harry was fuck knows were trying to get Tick Tock to chomp his hand off in a vain attempt to get your approval!!!!

Hook: in time this will pass and you’ll be just like your sister

Cj (scoffing): of course. Be like Harriet. The pretty one. The smart one. The obedient one.

Harriet (for once very sheepish): Ceej. Could ya please lemme outta this?

Cj: no. He’s always wanted me to be like you. But guess what. I’m never gonna be who you want me to be

(This is when “sit still look pretty” happens. After the song Cj storms off)

Hook: and do you have any oddities you’d like to share Harriet? Because if so nows the time

Harriet: yes. As a matter of fact I do. For the past seven years I’ve been in uh heh “cahoots” with Gaston junior.

Hook: like the freak and the pansy

Harriet: sort of. Except theirs was more emotional. Ours is. Purely on the physical side. And yes. I’m the boss.

(Hook goes puce)

Harriet: uncle Starkey. I’ll be back presently

(She runs after her sister)

Hook: take me back to my quarters Starkey

Starkey: of course sir.

(He wheels the captain back in side. Harriet catches up with Cj. She finds her in an alleyway surrounded by the felled bodies of ten dogs and one cat)

Harriet: what the hell did you do.

Cj: the one thing I ever got from him, that wasn’t a hand me down from you or Har, was this.

(She holds up a whistle)

Harriet: wow

Cj: yep. Turns out it’s a dog whistle. Which pretty succinctly explains how the bastards could hear it all the way across Neverland when Jane found the treasure

Harriet: and the morbidly obese demon on four legs?

Cj: Tremaine’s moggy

Harriet: right. What you did was incredibly brave you know.

Cj: I don’t like animals.

Harriet: I meant what happened at home just now

Cj: I know. Like I said. I don’t like animals.

(At the core fours old apartment chadeficent has just arrived. Only to see Jafar watching tv)

Chadeficent: hello worthless. Miss me?

Jafar: who...?

Chadeficent (Maleficent’s voice): this better?

Jafar (exasperated): you couldn’t have taken control of a pretty one?

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): fuck off you crypt keeper

(Jafar looks taken aback)

Chadeficent: bugs are to be worked out

Jafar: what is it?

Chadeficent: spawn of Cinderella

Jafar: you couldn’t have got the ash girl herself?

Chadeficent: too strong willed (Chad’s indignant voice) hey! (Maleficent’s voice) SILENCE! (Both voices) I am creating a cult. To destroy our children. Ursula is aboard. What say you?

(The next morning. At Evie’s palce)

Mal:...and Ben found them this morning passed out on the couch with like eight tubs of deluxe rocky road ice scattered at round.

Jay: deluxe?

Mal: chocolate marshmallow ice cream instead of chocolate ice cream

Jay (hopefully): Christmas list?

Mal (generating a tin with magic): why wait?

Jay: ooh yay!

Evie: AH! No. Not yet

Jay: awww. I’ve been here for an hour

Mal: let the man eat sis. It’s the least you can do since you are stabbing him with pins when you could just use 🎶🎶magic🎶. By the way. Your hair remarkably black today

Evie (snarling): get outta workshop

(Mal leaves cackling. She goes to the kitchen where Carlos is giving a plate the thousand yard stare)

Mal: hey kiddo. What’s up?

Carlos (softly with a lot of feeling): the cake...it’s gone. An entire macadamia nut chocolate sponge cake. Gone. How? There was enough for fifty people to have two slices each. And it’s all gone. How can it all be gone?

(The twins and Gil come racing pass the room screeching at the top of their lungs with food all around their mouths)

Mal (aside to Carlos): I think I know. (Normal volume). Gil! Could you bring the kids in here please?

(Gil troops back to the kitchen with the twins trailing behind. All three look terrified. Carlos and Mal lift the twins up onto the counter)

Mal (“mom” voice in full effect): now boys. Did you ask your papa to get the cake from the fridge?

Twins: uhhhh...

Mal: it’s ok. I’m not mad. I just wanna. If it was you then that’s ok. If it was Dude then we need to get him to a veterinarian.

Carlos: WHAT?!?!

Mal: oh shit. Sorry honey.

Carlos: listen to me you rotten little————(the twins look at him with the epitome of puppy eyed innocence) 🎶dad. Where are you. You’re good with this type of stuff🎶

Mal: paperwork

Carlos: fuck

Gil: it was us. Squeaky wanted a snack and I couldn’t find anything in the fridge but the cake. We only meant to share a corner but Celia oh crap

Mal: 🎶oh Celia🎶

(The girl melts out from the shadows clutching her stomach)

Mal: did you help Gil and the twins eat the entirety of Jane’s birthday cake?

Celia: if I says yes what would you do.

Mal: give you an antacid and advise you to take it easy with the party food.

Celia: then yes. I helped.

Mal: come on then.

(They head to the bathroom. But Mal’s phone starts ringing)

Mal: it’s Ben. Do you know how to get to the bathroom?

Celia: Dizzy sent me a schematic last night

Mal: good. That’s good. If evo finds out I will plead the fifth. You do know that don’t you?

Celia: wouldn’t expect anything less. See ya

(She runs off)

Mal (answering her cell phone): hello your majesty. Any idea on your eta or should I send your apologies to Jane?

Ben: I wish I was close to being done. But there are so many papers to get through and there’s no use in denying it. People are terrified at what ever killed the guards.

Mal: I could come and help you?

Ben: no. Definitely not. Go have fun. Do the routine.

Mal: but you’ll miss it. Though a private rendition for your eyes only could also be very interes-

Cogsworth: ahem hello my lady

Mal (trying not to laugh): sorry Carlton.

Cogsworth: that’s quite alright dear. I’ll just uh go ahem away

(He leaves and bal bursts into laughter)

Mal: oh that was oh god that

Ben: I I’m so sorry

Mal: don’t be. Just sorted a domestic so a I needed a laugh

(As they’re talking Mal’s walking outside)

Mal: what on the office menu today

Ben: chargrilled Damon foie gras and quinoa

Mal: what no pizza?

Ben: fraid not

Mal: I can always zap you some sausage rolls and mac and cheese cupcakes from the party

Ben: please and thank you?

Mal: and the new cake

Ben: Celia?

Mal: along with your brother and nephews. Carlos was not happy

Ben: of course.

Mal: hey, was chad supposed to meet us at Evie’s?

Ben: I don’t think so. Is he there?

Mal: yeah. Looking like the shalka Doctor.

Ben: oh.

Mal: I’ll go see what he wants

Ben: be careful. Love ya

Mal: always am. Love you too.

(She hangs up)

Mal: hey chad. Whatcha doing

(Chadeficent turns to look at her. Their eyes glow black. And Mal enacts the safety protocols on the house keeping everyone else inside and safe)

Mal: what did you do?

Chadeficent (Maleficent’s voice): oh it’s not chad. Hello my sweet

Mal (breathing heavily): Maleficent?

Chadeficent: mhmm. Now give me my sceptre

Mal: what did you do to him?

Chadeficent: he is simply a mindless hormone driven teenage boy

Mal: yeah, I know, he’s an dickhead. Nobody likes him. At all

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice, very, very hurt): they don’t?

Mal: yeah. You’re insufferable.

Chadeficent (Maleficent’s voice): ENOUGH! Give me the sceptre

Mal: you stole the wand didn’t you. And the staff and the mirror. So why do you need the sceptre.

Chadeficent: I want everything of importance (Chad’s voice) I wanna be king (Maleficent’s voice) I want my daughter back

Mal: I’m not your daughter. And chad you hate magic. Why would you use it to be king?

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): I uh I dunno (Maleficent’s voice) he was easily bought with a butter finger and empty promises I have absolutely no intention on fulfilling. Now. The sceptre.

Mal (mind working a mile a minute): h how, how about a story. And I can make you a cup of tea yeah? Or coffeee?

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): ooh beer (Maleficent’s voice) very well. But be quick about it

Mal: ok. Ok um

(She turns to the drinks table. This is when “she’s so gone” happens. After which Chadeficent picks her up from the splintered table by the neck)

Mal: why...are..you...doing...this?

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): you don’t deserve this. None of it. You belong on that slag heap. You deserve to rot. To be forgotten. I want you all dead. Don’t you see? You can’t be queen. It’s not right. Audrey should be queen. And I should be king

Mal: but...Ben

Chadeficent (still Chad’s voice): ALL OF YOU WILL DIE. YOU. THE MAGIC PEOPLE THE RUNT THE CHICKS THE TRAIOR THE FREAK OF A DWARF. ALL OF YOU. DEAD (Maleficent’s voice) as for me. I want to break you. For you to see how useless you truly are without me.

Mal (turning purple in the face now): get...bent

(Chadeficent drops her and pulls out the wand)

Chadeficent (Chad’s voice): there’s never been an ugly bitch who’s been queen. Looks are everything. Bibbidi bobbidi boo

(Mal is washed is black light which solidified into a black cloak. The houses doors are blasted off their hinges and jay stands there completely gold and absolutely buzzing with power. Chadeficent cackles as they disappear in black smoke. Jay and the others rush to Mal’s side)

Carlos: oh my god! Mom are you ok?

Mal (voice hoarse thin and cracked): yes ahem yes ye yeah. What the hells wrong with my voice

(Evie takes the hood off of Mal and cackles)

Evie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH MY GOD! YOU LOOK LIKE

Jay (unimpressed with her behaviour): your mother. When she gave the apple to Doug’s aunt

(Evie stops cackling)

Carlos: what happened

Mal: Chad’s possessed by Maleficent. He wants to kill us all and be king

Carlos: and goat lady?

Mal: wants to break me

Evie: so what do we do

Celia: isn’t it obvious? Hades. Your father.

Evie: he is not

Celia: Mal was right and you know it. So stop pissing about and help me get your sister inside the house so she can get some proper clothes on cause an old lady in a minidress is not a good look. I should know. Cruella used to come to the arcade in the warm days. It’s was horrifying. Thank you Carlos for killing her last year by the way

Carlos: much obliged Ceels.

(Mal’s phone rings again. This time Carlos is the one to answer it)

Carlos: hi yes dad. Ok brace yourself. Chad has the wand. He’s possessed by Maleficent. He wants us all dead. Barricade yourself in your office. Emergency protocols. All that shizz. You have magic so you should be fine. We’re gonna stop them. It’s what we do. Us too (he ends the call) that’s dad sorted. Now how do we fix mom?

Celia: go to the island. Get the ember. Come back here. Kick him in the balls until he’s exorcised

Mal: Gil. You coming with us?

Gil: I would but. My boys

Doug: I’ll stay with them. I have my exosuit. I’ll keep them safe. I promise you I will

Gil: ok

Evie: oh my god!

Doug: our kid is fine. She’s with Lonnie and Jane. You know. A badass and a light fairy.

Evie: oh thank god

Jay: so we all know what we’re doing. Action time?

All the others: action time

Squirmy: AAAAAH

Gil (panicky): what? What is it? What’s wrong

Squirmy: I want to give the pretty lady my present

(He holds up a bouquet of periwinkle blue tulips. Everyone relaxes)

Gil: Jane will love them. But it could be a good idea to keep them here. Just until we’re all back together. Yeah?

Squirmy (unhappily): yeah

Doug: c’mon boys. You can help me bake a new cake.

The twins: YAAAAAAAAY

(They run back in. Evie goes up and embraces Doug)

Evie: we’ll be back soon as possible

Doug: take however long you need. I stabbed someon in the junk last year. I can defend myself

Evie: oh I know that. It’s just that

Doug: Evie sweetie. Look at me. I’ll be fine. I promise. And if I need to reach you there’s our phones the the psychic link you set up.

Evie (voice breaking): I...

Doug (understandingly): me too. Now let’s go

(They all run back into the house except for one)

Mal: uh. Guys

Jay: oh. Right

(He runs back and carries her to the house)

Mal: watch the hip. Watch the hip

Jay: yeah yeah yeah.

Celia: so do we get the the island. The limos?

Evie: no. They’re all the the school garages until next week.

Celia: then we’re screwed?

Mal: not entirely

Jaylos and Evie: THE BIKES

Celia: what?

Mal: how I left last year

(At the cliff site. The six of them are on their bikes. Celia’s hanging on to Gil)

Carlos: go on mom

Mal (voice still croaky): noble steed proud and fair/you shall take us anywhere

(They drive over the magic bridge to the island. Back in Auradon Chadeficent is making their way to Jane’s birthday party)

Chadeficent (Maleficent’s voice): are you sure this shall work? (Chad’s voice) it had better. They all deserve it for hating me

[neuropathicgypsy]

According to the Presidency, Brett Connolly, Mike Andrews and xpp were all executed with the massive coronary.

It was like an explosion...

I will be honest, we had Mike Andrews first then xpp in custody and Brett coming in the night before. And Jesse mutilated the bodies to prevent the return of their souls into the bodies they most previously had.

Jesse does believe in reincarnation. And as does his other two "children" or followers, friends if you will.

As i said, 6 months ago, i did not believe in reincarnation but i have been convinced.

Who is Brett Connolly? A secret agent placed with my aunt that took custody of the children of my cousin's. And had Killed Alex's dog because he thought he was homosexual and/or having sex with me. He was just jealous. But also abusive and manipulative and created pain and hard ship for everyone he met. He was indeed a terrorist.

The Queen was well aware as to what Jesse had done to whom.

Jeremiah got beat very badly but he suffered no major injuries just a face nearly beyond recognition only due to bruises. I had seen through my vision,however that wss incorrect, the image was from the past from when one of our children had been murdered, trying to save them, but he continued to fight despite those injuries. 1992. In 2019 he refused the beating as I had sent to Jesse in the email. But Jesse has i understood was a willing participant.

However, the president is correct that Jesse wss screaming and crying and whimpering. That is why i had sent the email as he was absolutely terrified it was his turn to be beat. So i assured him he would be and that it wasn't just him, everyone hurting others for fun or being dumb and neglectful and not listening and communicating respectfully would get their beating as Jeremiah promised he would be here in one hour but then had not bothered to do as he had offered to, after 8 hours and he gave me fierce attitude.

Declan did agree in the hate towards Jeremiah But as i often do, it was only a metaphysical beating, as is fair. Declan stood with me in my anger towards Jeremiah, later after my nap, Jesse confessed to his role to cause Jeremiah's beating.

There was an attempt to beat, however, it was much like spanking my child, no matter the force behind it, it was impossible to damage Jeremiah through physical force.

And so the president did announce for me confirmation of the dead as i was unsure, exactly, and people were getting temper when i asked.

All employees are to continue as they were, i sent announcement to the WWC and it was approved by Alexis Dejoria and the Queen Elizabeth II of England and Uncle Donald and the rest of our business committee. There should not be any uneasiness as nothing shall change immediately in regards to pay or benefits. An additional team of accountants will be hired to oversee all accounts of Jesse's as i am the sole heir of his businesses, per the only known will of Jesse Gregory James. From 1986 before he became the financial man he is today due to his murdering and my willingness to share finances with all those harmed by Jesse.

However, i do have some remodeling of Walt Disney World, Florida in aesthetics (interior design, only) and i will speak to the accountant and those running Disney World (for themselves as i do not own) to see how benefits shall be increased for the businesses i am heir to.

As this is a favor to Jesse and those employed by him to increase productivity and enhance life's happiness.

Please email Jesse@westcoastchoppers.com if you are interested in the reincarnation of yourselves. We complete verification of your natural right to leave your current body via a pearl handled Smith & Wesson incurred by me in Egypt at the Fabulous Tree. Thus we know you are not following correct life duties to the best way you could and will be given training as Jesse is in order to obtain the correct body placement location in order to be raised by the correct type of royalty in order to better understand the complications and rights of principle matters. Jesse will likely appear to you when you write unless he is too scared to leave my side where i am extremely busy. Thus the emails will be read and sorted according to location and ability to extract you to be tested and verified. I am informed you will not receive a reply but The United Nations will designate who will be picked up when and will also service as your transportation to ensure your safety to the correct location. Please understand the location you will be left in will have blood due to Jesses heart explosion as well as the 3 others so you should feel a comfort from the sight as it will be your turn next.

As far as I understand the Armored Combat League will be those to assist in your absence of body due to their mass knowledge of History of medieval and older times. Other people will be witness to the massacre. So you will have average regular people there as well to oversee. Such as Alexis was there to see her husband "pass". She is willing to wait until his soul is transported to its proper location. She was attempted to be verified but the pearls went around her and not through. Thus her powers are still needed and Jesse himself did verify this information before his explosion.

Do not disturb Alexis as she is extremely busy and during extractions it can be extremely dangerous as the souls need to be in a primitive state and has been through extreme training through Jesse's yoga. She is one of the very few that have succeeded the training qualifications and exceeded expectations as using a creek near their home to represent and symbolize the Nile and completed witches training by surviving old time tradition of "sink or swim"

However most other souls cannot pass the minimum of my requirements to begin the training that some of us survived in 1988 as children.

For those unsure, Thanksgiving is when Denise will display the properties of the Smith and Wesson. As she will receive her training by those whom have finalized the cannon shot's research. I did not as i gave the pistol to the Smithsonian for research due to Jesse's theft of the weapon, adding 26 pounds to the 400 pound weight.

Any one wanting to achieve this process of reincarnation must sign a waiver to life before any testing for eligibility will be preformed... This is also a duplex to the government making assisted suicide legal in countries all over the world!.

Without the waiver you will be held in contempt of due process of life and death. It's much like a citizens arrest. If you leave no one will stop you, yet you would want to complete the aggravating puzzle as curiosity will be nagging, as per usual. Thus if you leave you will not have criminal charges pressed on you. As it is considered a "Citizen's Arrest" but every one will point and laugh at you for being chicken.

All this is allowable due to 33 years of research. Of many dark corners of souls and the globe and outer space and "Heaven".

To allow Jesse more comfort we do the Lord's prayer, much like Todd Chrisley getting into the trunk. As Jesse fears Heaven over reinstating into a living body.

However as the world turns, Heaven will be inserted into the bodies of the non living. Zombie Apocalypse anyone? Not me! Thus the ability of Heaven possessed by God will assist in the bodies to become non Zombie like and will fulfil the full needs of a body's prefection and beauty. Thus the greed one feels now will be replaced with gratitude. Thus easier to complete 180° 360° of which we need 360 pure souls and body mass/skulls in a pagan-ish circle with 180 souls in line to get the qualities their souls need in order to complete the 15° Earth tilt correction and to ensure life of the rainbow's existence to promise no souls will be sent to Earth without all proper equipment.

Thus service is rendered with complete documents completed in an honest and timely manner. If lies or unwillingness is present in the ink of your pen, then it will establish an indecency in the ability to do as Mother Earth commands and likely you will be condemned thus you must allow freedom into your heart.

I cannot sign for either team. I don't have it yet. Although this above video did allow me to want to hug the president and have a faint desire to jump and celebrate.

We have soulmate research to complete literature thus women are allowed to be included in this event.

Children born after 1989 are expected to be pure, yet we will not exactly want to use them, however many are adults thus we will allow them to fill ins needed for back up if 360 participants are not involved.

If i often yell at you or your attendee following your instructions and I have not been able help you correct your actions, you have something missing. Just like Down Syndrome children, whom have an extra 21st chromosome, many people are missing a likely 121st gene or have a mutation of the 360th. Genes are coded into letters but we do have the gene information reworded into numbers so mathematicians like myself can assess the alter ego, both good and bad to volunteer how to successfully transform this gene and make evolution more effective instead of physical chemicals to create a grest physical body, we will cause evolutionary growth to include real life issues like pain causing the drige thru McDonald's life thus a 595 calorie big Mac (2010) will mean you need to progress digitally and/or metaphysically in order to burn calories. Thus bandwidth and measurements of internet gigabites used will be how you measure your expected caloric growth -- yet sitting at a desk working as we all know will mutate to the form of the chair causing a "shelf ass" like Winnie the pooh in one of my favorite childhood episodes. So you're inputting files or accounting or encoding or just writing a blog that is healthy and beneficial, leaving honest and positive comments on social media to improve overall growth and mental health will cause you to be mentally healthier as well and will cause the ability to burn calories. And also learning from healthy internet or just playing games while thinking with positivity will allow you to dictate to God how you would like your body. "God, i want bigger tits, add the big Mac into those" "God stop! My ass is huge as it is but look there's a lump" which then means you must massage it yourself to stimulate the nerves leading from the brain and brain stem (I'll check the correct brain center as we know the Pons is assisting in body reassignment thus the pons is saved and removed.. I'm sure it doesn't come from the frontal lobe but brain center between eyes and ears where they intersect in that area of the brain) so that the body has complete retention of information. Neck stimulation for me is important as i do feel the ache now down to the end of my major nerve "veins" in the top of my self ass.

Yes i had to ruin my body for science. I'm not happy about it So I know i will regurgitate into a new body otherwise I have commanded my soul body to turn to star dust to create a new galaxy. We will see what happens cause right now i am SUPER ANGRY at Jeremiah for not listening and being a chicken shit. Thus I must leave the pain So that larger chunks exist and can multiply in a more complete manner. Science dude. Look up embryos. And biology. Its biophysics. I'm actually not crazy although it certainly sounds like it.

All that said I would like to invite myself and Uncle Donald and my daughter to receive Mohawks sometime soon in one of the game shows. I saw he wants to look younger. So i would like to remove the color from his hair and do a Mohawk.

As so he can relate to the millennium generation and recreate a 1980s punk look for him as do He can relate to also the middle aged such as my self and humor our older generations. As well as illegal aliens to state he does understand the willingness and desire to drastically change a way of life and so to allow them to recognize they are allowed to Legally live in our country. This i want as a caption under the video/photo of his dramatic change. As i believe many people do not understand that he's not picking at his wife and that she's a legal resident and he's stating his pride in her fir following the country rules.

And so we can do a poll of sorts or something game wise while also adding in beauty information such as color removal from hair, quality of white hair (I know mine is from bleaching highlights as a teen). And also so many questions about his actual hair can be revealed. If necessary we will add in a weave. I think this will surpass Elizabeth Warren whom I'm actually in love with in hopes that also he will give her runner up benefits to have her in office as an advisor thus allowing our first female president to be voted in, unless Milana runs with... He can be Vice, i think... Or a double female team!

But i just know Elizabeth will be amazing for our country and can take on major issues the president has as the president has actually done a great job behind the scenes.

I really would like to expose him for who he is as Writing often will mislead a reader.

One reason we love Obama is he let his hair down so to speak after his retirement from the Oval Office.

And if he so wished for a tad evil trick, he could establish pretending to be a punk ass Democrat. With his 1980s look.

It's not too hard for me to defend the president as i do know him personally and now his "odd ways" as a New Yorker is vastly vastly different from rural life and his ways actually do need explanation, even to Native New Yorkers, such as the way he wears his overcoat.

So i would like to advise a website from thr President and his wife entitled "Punk Ass Life Hacks"

Or butt if preferred.

And also keep Twitter for professional use. The website for personal relations.

So a page for each of them then a random jumble page which is automated per user and will have president tricks and tips in blue on and the Madame in pink and they ones they share or don't remember the origin in purple.

As God actually will adjust the information per user thus the tips and tricks more relating to the user will be available to the reader. Thus truly enabling the Presidency to truly help each and every American and international humans.

And i would like to add in the kids also. Green for whole family tips. Colors like aqua and light turquoise for the sons and for his favorite daughter of mine, orange (US COAST GUARD life preserver color) and shades of yellow for all other females.

Black background is easier on the eyes.

Now for each individual page I would like to have a papyrus color, so a sepia with darkened edges much like the constitution with normal bold black type. I prefer gothic style

Such as

But any would do... Slight cursive as it's actually still not taught.

Type writer font as well. Per type of life hack.

So a slight cursive for safety hacks thus children cannot read the constitution or any historical documents! So a slight fancy

So what we will want to do is teach cursive. So

The brown fox ran exactly as quantum physics described, because little foxes follow rules.

Will be followed by the same sentence in print so they can see the difference in lettering.

Thus the reader will learn the proper way to connect letters and change the ones necessary into cursive.

Thus the print must be exact. It must be the exact cursive that is to be taught, I do not recommend the Tumblr cursive as the o is misleading to be an A.

Now Elizabeth Warren, she will use a font such as "Historic" in the above image as it attempts to connect the letters yet also combines print. Its a casual contemporary font. As she will be learning to be president. And relating to people as she's more an open book.

The jumble page will have "use a magnet to take the lid off............... ~Uncle Donald" yes!! It says Uncle Donald, Uncle Sam!!

So in the menu tab it will be all family members listened for a direct link to the page. Then an open second menu tab under "others" Elizabeth has her font and my heart so definitely her name comes up then you have a mix page of "others" like Clinton's i do not respect their outer image saying "cheat on your wife and don't let her leave you" they statute abuse. So they do not have their own page. Bernie will have his own page and direct second menu link as well as Bill Nye the Science guy. And other historical people.

On computers it can be a side menu, phones a pop down with the 3 lines is usual but this will be an eagle button with a ribbon in it's mouth like an old tattoo look saying "more"

Very colorful tattoos for children eyes but also very informative and professional looking.

Janda Cheerful would be a perfect one for Madam Millana. As it is hand writing like and the encouragment to try and grow. Plus her voice has its own accents, so it's time get to know her a bit better, if she has good handwriting use hers please, if it's too difficult to read have her write the brown fox after the perfect cursive then the print.

Have every one do it. That way put it over the child lines that are two solid lines with the dots in the middle. Make it an easy pop up for phones. So we aren't perfect but we are as close as possible.

Like the top and bottom of the page.

Now kitchen life hacks i want in actual print handwriting. Theres apps of course and programs to help get penmanship to digital.

So get a really good one....

Like one that picks the average -- write sentences and single letters and etc then develops the most used way. Wherre you cross the T and etc. The military will have such program.

Like Tumblr recognizes the different fonts here the webpage will also so th3 font will load. That's the web designers job to make it work to prefection.

This way it makes it personal. So that is for food/kitchen hacks.

As children one of the most important lessons is to learn to cook. Old handwritten recipies passed down from generation to generation.

We can do a food page, recipes on little note cards (index) with tattoos stamped on in same handwriting. But i prefer the most pure recipes. Like low calorie whipped topping and fruit or yogurt and fruit, not Diet food. Health food. Enchiladas are fine but not dio th3 tortilla in oil then layer in the pan. They dont 3ven need hydration! But like chicken breast rolled in crushed chips

So the title is

Oh! You crushed your chips?!

Grab a boneless skinless chicken breast or fish or meat from freezer/fridge.

Defrost in micro/sink/hot water or use George Forman grill and just run under fresh water from sink

Roll in crushed chips, bake or grill, or use a skillet pan on stove top until meat is all white all the way through at thickest part

Then follow in legit directions and amounts measured as if we are teaching a nervous child who needs exact information.

1 cup crushed chips into red pepper sized flakes to powder size

3 chicken breast (raw or cooked)

Grill: raw cook: time precooked cook: time

Bake etc etc etc.

So that's all for now. I know I'm not the only intellectual in the room.

We can develop more during Mohawk time.

And so anyone else steal this idea,I'll find you and sho2 you 2hst lif3 is about.

In the event that Uncle Donald does not win the next election, the site will continue for eternity. Each new president making modifications to their own page.

Thus each person will have the log in to their own pages to edit. Like Obama and Bernie... They log into their own page and has the tools to adjust and add pictures etc.

Template easy style. Like word perfect. Or Any app.

The current first lady will have the pink or her choice. I recommend hot pink, neon or carnation. The current president will have Royal Blue. Too sexist may be

Or red white and blue does make more sense. So current President flag blue. First lady flag red and all others flag white with a twinge of yellow and orange for the current white house's children/grandchildren. That is for the jumble page. Sun shining on flag.

So then personal pages will be color choices. Mel hates pink so... But the font color is always there and another choice must be 5 shades different. So say She wants brown. She picks her fave and so Obama must have at least 5 shades different. So in 10 years she wants to change. So make sure its 5 shades different and there will be a simple easy to use program which will omit colors already being used. So she could change daily. Also we will see how many colors she wants. So it will be a theme coordinated color scheme. Also she wants to change to a thanksgiving theme to Christmas to 4th of July she can.

But we want to easily recall colors, so Mel picks color: j92848 well then Donald Jr can never have it.

Then as time goes on, the similar shades will be released. So 5 spaces the middle color spaced will be released.

This is due to my amnesia and recovery. So someone is in the kitchen... Me. And I'm like Idk how I do this!!! But i recall her handwriting but i can't grip what I saw... But the sponge i use foe the sink is the same exact color!!! And it sparks those cells in me and i can spring into,action perfectly!

So while it seems suoer strict and crazy anal and annoying for the blog user, it is actually the best way for people to help themselves when without a computer.

Its not a perfect system but for me it helps.

So when colors are ran out, then we stsrt again fresh as in 30 years not every one will read what Uncle Donald said. So it won't matter to reuse.

So

Using a scientist to break down the color wheel will assist in miraculous ways. I don't really know how. Like i can't create a web page... Without a template.

But according to how specific the colors sre broke down... To w microscopic level or a person without their glasses on will make the difference in color choices.

We Will have a scientist develop this.

Now over time this will all take with handwriting and etc.

So simply follow the stated template type and then we will make the official changes as we can. And it will break the internet if announced!

And also the Queen of England has her own punk style that is used all over the world.

💏