#My mental health has gotten really bad over the break

[computerglitch306]

You know what, I'm crashing, I'm burning. I'm falling out of the sky.

[idkwhatever580]

More than you’ll ever know

[{pairings: Natasha romanoff x reader}]

{prompt- Natasha comes home from a long mission to find y/n curled up in her hoodie.}

(she/her pronouns I might use they/them in the mix as well. Just whatever I write lol)

[|warnings~ cursing probably. Tad bit of angst not a lot but lots of fluff|]

An; I actually hope this turns out good bc idk what to do if y’all hate it. It’s probably gonna be cringey but I live for that anyways sooo hope y’all enjoy!

————————————————————————————————————————

Nobody’s pov?

Natasha walks into her room and sets her duffel bag down on the floor with a sigh. She immediately looks around for her girlfriend and frowns.

“What the fuck?” She mumbles tiredly.

She takes a good look at her room and sees everything a mess. Trash and clothes everywhere. The sheets are a stray and the floor is covered in dirty laundry. Natasha huffs.

All she wanted was to come home from her week long mission to her girlfriend and the least she expected was a clean room.

She quickly realizes that y/n isn’t in their room and she decides to leave the cleaning for later and switches over to the task of finding her beloved.

She steps into the hallway and says “Friday? Where is y/n/n”

“Mrs. Y/n is in the third floor lounge room ma’am.” The ai quickly replies.

She mumbles a quick thank you and starts her trek to find her girlfriend.

Natasha steps in the elevator and Friday already knows where she wants to go so it starts moving. Natasha stretches her aching muscles a bit and the bell dings.

She steps out to find the lounge in a similar state as their room except for there is a mound of blankets on the couch. She smiles knowing that the amount of blankets y/n uses is unreasonable but cute.

She silently walks to y/n’s pile and slowly uncovers her one layer at a time.

Y/n’s Pov

I am sleeping in the lounge and I feel my blankets being torn away from me.

Okay maybe torn is a bit dramatic but hey I am the girl I’ve always been.

I quickly grab the hand that is above my face to stop them from touching me. Although my eyes are closed I grip their wrist tightly and say,

“If you so dare say one word I’ll have Natasha beat your ass when she gets home”

I hear a familiar chuckle and my eyes open widely and I see my girlfriend. I immediately jump over the edge of the couch into her arms and she says,

“Are you gonna make me beat myself up?”

I glare at her as I pull away from the embrace and then I look around and finally realize how bad it’s gotten.

Usually whenever Natasha leaves I can handle myself but sometimes my mental health gets worse and I find myself unable to get out of bed. So that’s where this has gotten me.

I look at Natasha and she has a concerned look on her face and she says,

“Детка, what’s all this?”

I suddenly break and tears start welling up. I feel awful for having her come home to a depressed mess like me. I quickly try to give her an explanation.

“I don’t know! I- I just stopped picking things up and then next thing I know it’s a whole depression room”

I hide myself in her neck and a few tears fall, but she comforts me and says,

“Oh, Детка, you always know you can ask anybody in the compound for help. Don’t just lock yourself up. Come on. Let’s go to our room and get you in a bath.”

I look down and nod my head. Instead of making me walk she carries me like a koala and I hang onto her tightly.

She gets a bath running and helps me in and then I say,

“You’re not getting in with me?”

She smiles and looks down at me and says,

“I’m gonna do something really quickly okay? I’ll be right back just relax.”

I pout but nod my head nevertheless knowing she probably has to go give some paperwork to Nick or something like that.

After about 10 minutes she comes back in and I smile at her.

“You’re such a cutie”

I say to her. She sits down on the toilet next to me and smiles and says,

“I’m the cutie?”

I nod my head and explain further,

“You’re so baby girl. Like. Just cutie pie.”

Natasha chuckles a bit. Oh god. How her laugh makes me blush. Even after two years of dating she never fails to give me butterflies.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been called cute before… most people would say that I’m quite the opposite.”

I pout at her words and quickly quip,

“Well then, I guess most people don’t know you and that’s literally so tragic because if I never met you I don’t know what I’d do.”

She smiles at me and says,

“Why don’t we get you out and let’s watch some movies?”

I hum and get out. She helps me dry off even though I protest she doesn’t let me do it myself, so I just let her do her own thing.

She gets me my favorite pjs and we go to the room and I freeze.

Everything is gone and cleaned. All the trash. All the clothes. I look to Natasha and say,

“Did you do this?”

She shrugs her shoulders and says,

“Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t.”

I roll my eyes and give her a kiss on the cheek. We get into the bed with fresh sheets on them and I immediately cuddle into her side. She goes for the remote and I shake my head and say,

“I just wanna lay here with you. No tv. No nothing. Just us”

She smiles and nods her head and says,

“I like that idea. I love you.”

I smile and kiss her softly. Deliberately avoiding saying ‘I love you’ back to her knowing it’s a pet peeve.

She pouts and I find it so cute and she says,

“Say I love you back.”

I look at her and say,

“Why?”

She fake gasps and says,

“You have to if you love me! Do you not love me?”

I shrug my shoulders and say,

“Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t.”

She pouts at me using her words against her and she says,

“You’re mean.”

I look at her and decide to be nice again so I say,

“And you’re the smartest, kindest, most loving, cutest, person on this earth. I love you so so much more than you’ll ever know.”

She blushes and smiles at me. I look at her and say,

“I’m sleepy”

Then as if on queue, a big yawn comes out from me, and Natasha giggles a bit. She snuggles closer to me if that’s even possible and says,

“Sleep baby. You’ll need your energy for tomorrow”

I groan when I remember that Natasha and I are training together. I’ve gotten out of training with everyone else this past week knowing they’d never make me do anything since Natasha romanoff is my girlfriend, but she won’t let it slide.

I decide to worry about it tomorrow and just focus on the fact that my baby is home and all is well in the world. Even if it isn’t.

——————————————————————————

An: I hope y’all like it! It’s a bit long but I couldn’t find a good place to finish it. And I wanted to add more lol. Please please please leave some constructive criticism for me lol. I need to work on my writing I’m sure. And feel free to leave requests anywhere :)))

[punsmaster69]

12/APR/20XX

i think that was my goal.

remember? the one i was mentionin' about twenty nine pages ago? i'd said something like...

"and when i achieve it?"

"...guess i'll finally close this book for good."

so, i'll count that to be my goal.

therapist agrees, so you can't get on me about that.

sharing inner thoughts was never something i'm great at. so much so that you might've forgotten that's what this was for.

can you believe that? s'posed to be a thought journal. daily mental-state evaluation.

ended up talking about my friends instead.

wasn't for me, i suppose.

...after some amount of pages, huh? geez.

[This calls attention to the fact that the book is much thicker than it was when it started. Seems instead of switching to another one, his journal just... gained pages.]

point is.

seems to me like a good place to stop things at.

i'll give you a final update, and we'll call it. alright?

——

breaking the news went as smoothly as if we'd entered the room and broke a vase on the floor instead. (undyne about did just that.)

the second calamity was when mettaton and my bro show up kinda late

holding hands.

turns out my bro is much more decisive than i am.

apparently it was mettaton first, then paps who decided after a few serious dates.

congrats to 'em.

been deflecting questions best i can all day from the announcements, so i was thankful my bro showing up like that took enough of the heat off me n' tori.

i...

can't stop smiling.

well- alright, that's a given.

but i mean this doofy grin i haven't kept up this long in ages.

i'm not even trying for this one.

all this talk about relationships, i think undyne's gotten excited. talking about marriage and all that. alphys has gone beet red.

grillby and the bar gave me a hell of a lot of pats on the back. i'd be bruised if i weren't bones.

if it wasn't that which would've bruised me, it definitely would have been the punch flowey gave me. the comment that earned me it?

"so..."

"this makes me your dad, right?"

he didn't take it well.

despite the petal-haver's apparent hatred... i think he's secretly glad that toriel's happy.

my bro sure took the news well.

granted, since he already thought me and her were dating, he just was happy for the public announcement.

"WAIT."

"DOES THIS MAKE ME AN UNCLE?!?"

"Are we gonna get another sibling??"

"WAIT, are we gonna get a SKELE-sibling?!?"

"whoa, slow down-"

"Frisk, NO??"

"Do not encourage this BONEHEAD to-"

"I think that is quite enough."

tori puts her foot down on that conversation.

living situations shouldn't change much for now, but maybe we'll figure out something else in the future. (staying with my bro. don't panic.)

concerns about my health have slowed down, as i've gotten more used to daily magic usage. noticed way less bad days recently, right? papyrus still insists on teaching me to use attacks better, so i've got that to look forward to. there might still be ups n' downs health-wise, but i'm confident in getting through 'em now.

paps is noticeably still somewhat anxious about it, fidgeting whenever everything is brought up. which is fair, but. still.

i'll get him a therapist like i've been seeing. an in-person one'll work better for him, i think.

not sure what else'll change, really. everything feels mostly the same.

other than (gasp) public handholding. (scandalous.) every time we're beside one another, tori's finding some form of physical contact.

that's different.

...in a good way.

right now, it looks like the aftermath of a wild party. friends knocked out in random spots; dangling half-off the couch or sprawled across the floor. i think frisk and i are the only ones still awake, since they wanted to put blankets on everyone.

"(Psst. Is one blanket enough?)"

they raise a large blanket in gesture with a questioning look.

i speak extra softly so i don't disturb toriel laying at my side, with her head on my shoulder and an arm across my torso; hand met with mine.

"(yep.)"

"(Kk.)"

frisk lays a blanket over me and tori. they stare contemplatively before speaking.

"....."

"Goodnight, Dad."

"...'night, kid."

welp.

guess that's it, huh?

....

i'm happy.

caring is nice.

———★

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐍𝐃

[ieatsmallorphansnamedtom]

Hii, can you please do the batchlor/ettes with an s/o what can do magic(any) and how willing they are to learn magic(any)

(P.s how you wrote the last 2 of my requests were Amazing! I really like your work! <3

-anon🌙

Bachelor/ettes Whose S/O Knows Magic (+ How Willing They are to Learn It)

Slowly working my way through these requests. Hi, 🌙! Glad to hear you liked my stuff. These are pretty short just because I wanted to get them out. I forgot about the whole monsters being magic part until I got to Abigail's section but i just decided to ignore it because I could not be bothered to rewrite everything.

TW: Injury mentions, break-up mention, mental crisis mention

Bachelors:

Sam

I feel like Sam does and doesn't believe in magic. I don't really know how to explain it. I mean, we know he has an interest in UFOs because of the book in his room, but I don't know about magic per se. I think he would be very excited to find out it's real, though. He would immediately want to know all the cool stuff you can do with it and what it's capable of. Expect him to ask you to teach him.

Sam is very willing to learn magic. He's a risk-taker; he's gotten his fair share of cuts and scrapes over his life. What's a little magic gonna do?

"Woah, what was that?"

Elliott

I think if any of the bachelors were to already be aware of magic it would be Elliott. He lives alone in a shack on the beach right next to where the ghost of the Old Mariner lives, so surely he's seen him at least once, right? And if he has, he'd know not everything is what it seems. So, when he finds out you do magic, he's a lot more relaxed--still surprised, but relaxed.

He's a little hesitant to learn magic, simply because of how dangerous it can be. But with the right guidance, he'd warm up to it. Deep down he wants to learn it, too. Imagine the writing possibilities!

"Careful, dear! Doctor Harvey won't be happy if you hurt yourself!"

Sebastian

Sebastian does not believe in magic. Does he enjoy stories that feature it? Yes. And does he want it to be real? Absolutely! But he just doesn't think it is. So, when he finds out it is and his partner is someone who uses it, he's very, very confused. Expect Sebastian to sort of back up a bit when he finds out. He trusts you, but not the magic. Just give him time and an explanation.

Sebastian is less willing to learn magic than Elliott or Sam. He's read enough fantasy books to "know" the dangers of it. He's worried about you using it. Definitely don't use it at home--he doesn't want the house to burn down.

"So...How does this work?"

Harvey

Harvey's very science-based; he's a doctor, so his whole job (and life by that extension) revolves around being scientific. As such, he doesn't believe in magic. But like Sebastian, he'd like for it to be real. So, when he finds out his S/O is actually magic, he has a bit of a crisis. Depending on what type of magic you practice and how it affects you and other people, he'll be very worried about people's health and will likely "ban" you from using it around others (or even in general!).

So, yeah, Harvey's going to be very hesitant to learn magic. He does not want to mess around with the risk of hurting himself or others. The only magic you'd probably be able to get him to do is something much safer. Perhaps plant-based magic? All he'll be hurting is a shrub, as long as it won't hurt him too bad.

"Are you--are you sure you want to do this?"

Shane

We know from his dialogue in the game that Shane does not believe in magic at all. He's more science-based than Harvey. He doesn't really believe in anything other than nothing. So, he has an even worse crisis when he finds out magic is real. And that crisis is doubled by learning his partner was well aware of it and even used it! You need to give him a lot of explanation.

Unlike Harvey, however, I feel that Shane would be much more interested in actually learning magic once he gets over his crisis. He doesn't care as much for his health, so if it's just him it's affecting he doesn't really care. And who doesn't want to be able to shoot fire from their hands?

"Holy shit! Did you see that?"

Alex

I headcanon Alex is really gullible. If you have a good enough way of words, he'll believe magic is either real or not real (though he leans towards not real). He's still confused as all hell when he finds out it's real-real, but I digress. He's still worried for your health, but he's definitely excited at the same time.

Alex would love to learn magic! He'd think it's so cool. When you offer he accepts immediately. He likes to show off his strength when he's practicing. He probably doesn't even use magic to help him carry things just so he can boast his raw strength.

"Hey, Farmer! Check this out!"

Bachelorettes:

Penny

Penny's a big believer in magic. She has been ever since she was a little kid. Fairies are her favourite magic creature, but she likes anything involving it. So, when she finds out her partner practices magic, she's over the moon!

Penny also believes magic takes a lot of skill to master, so she's a little shy to start learning it. But deep down, that little girl inside of her is ecstatic. Eventually, she warms up to the idea and decides to learn it. Though, there is a lot of screaming involved every time the fire comes a bit too close.

"Sugar, I'm not so sure about this."

Leah

Leah doesn't believe in magic, but like many others on this list she'd like for it to be real. I know I headcanon Leah as a very relaxed person, but she's still pretty shocked to learn it's real. You definitely have to do some explaining. Of course, Leah wonders how magic could be integrated into her art. Could she make a living artwork?

So, she naturally accepts the offer to learn. I think Leah would pick it up really quickly for someone who previously didn't know of its existence. She's got an open mind and has an easier time grappling the concepts of learning it. It still takes time, but she gets there.

"Hey, look at this magic sculpture I made. It's dedicated to you."

Abigail

Abigail does believe in magic. She's one of the few people who's taken the time to research ancient monsters and actually know that what they're capable of isn't normal. It's part of the reason why she wants to go into the mines; just to witness it. So, she jumps at the idea to learn magic and is astounded to find out her partner knows it.

Abigail's pretty rusty compared to other people learning magic. But she doesn't let that stop her! Her determination is through the roof. She'll practice all day and night--save for snack breaks--for as long as she can. You might even get annoyed at all her nagging to learn more.

"Do you think I could enchant my sword?"

Maru

Maru, like Harvey, only knows science. Her whole world is basically flipped upside down when she learns her partner of all people is a magic-user. Expect a lot of confused noises when she catches you spinning water to clean the dishes. You have a lot of explaining to do. Why--how is this real? And why didn't you tell her?

Once everything is explained to her and she gets some time alone to process it all, Maru's excited to learn magic. She may not understand it fully, and that may cause a lot of discomfort for her, but she still wants to learn. Like Leah, Maru wants to know how she can apply it to her craft. Could she make working machines without having to use any power? And how could this better the environment and humanity?

"What...What was that?"

Emily

Emily is at least super spiritual. Whether she thinks it's possible for people to lift water out of the river without anything touching it is a different question, but she does think that singing to plants helps them grow on a relationship basis. Emily probably has the easiest time understanding it all. She just wants to make sure you're safe using it.

With her open mind, she has an easier time understanding everything. Emily's most interested in learning telekinesis. Imagine how useful that would be! Being able to move things with your mind would help drastically in both everyday life and also just for fun! But any magic she gets to learn is magic enough.

"Oh, I knew it!"

Haley

Haley is the opposite to her sister. Where Emily is kind and understanding, Haley is rude and black-and-white. At least at first. By the time she's gotten a partner, she's a lot more open-minded. But don't let that fool you; she's still not having an easy time understanding it all! To be honest, she probably reverts back to her old self for a period of time to cope with it all. She might even consider a break-up!

Once she gets over it all, though, she slowly works her way towards learning it. She's definitely not super keen, but it seems useful enough. To be honest, part of her is thinking of shoplifting some expensive clothes with it. But she quickly brushes that thought away. Once she gets the hang of it, she enjoys showing off her skills to other people (if they can know).

"I'm sorry, what?!"

-~-~-

I'm trying to put the quotes back into my posts because they were fun to make. But it's hard getting back into the characters' headspace to do so. Hopefully I'll get to it, though!

[gentil-minou]

The teen wangxian version of lwj playing inquiry after wwx's death would be lwj texting the number wwx used to use before he deactivated everything. He does this every couple months, with a Hi or How are you or I miss you.

The stranger who uses that number now doesn't want to break the poor boys heart and tell him so they just ignore it.

Wwx isn't dead btw he dropped out of his ivy league after some really bad mental health to live a nomadic lifestyle out of his old beat up van Chenqing, but during that time he'd purposely pushed everyone away

Eventually after 13 months when wwx decides he's ready to go back online and come out of hiding he manages to get his old number back!

Except he keeps getting these messages for a number he doesn't know and he thinks 'wow I wonder what it's like to be loved by someone like this'

(There was a time where he used to know that number by heart

There was a time when a text from that number was the first thing he'd see in the morning and the last message he'd send that night

There was a time when he never would have thought he could forget that number…)

5 months after he's gotten his number back and moved in with the Wens, slowly becoming himself again, the mystery number starts leaving voicemails

They don't say anything, just some faint breathing on the line, like wind whistling by. Soothing, in a way wwx can't figure out why

WQ says he should delete them and block the number. WN says he should politely message the person and let them know they have the wrong number.

Wwx does neither.

His inbox slowly fills with them, and on his worst nights when he feels like hes going to lose it again, when he feels like hes back on that ledge looking over calculating the force from the impact, he'll listen those breaths as he slowly falls asleep

Years pass and the world goes on.

Wwx gets back in touch with his siblings. Their meetings are tense and won't ever be the same as it was…before. But for now, it's enough.

He's working nights at a bar and going to art school during the day. Therapy every week.

It's strange how much he likes school now that he gets to learn the things that interest him. There's a lot he misses from his old life, and a lot he doesn't.

He keeps every message and voice-mail he gets, but he never replies. He can't explain why.

On the side, he helps out the Wens with recovering from their own tragedy.

Years ago there'd been an accident where they'd lost their cousins. At the time, they'd thought that included their nephew. That they'd lost him too.

When Wen Qing finally gets a hold of the report, they learn they didn't.

It's takes some not so legal finagling, but what else is wwx going to use his coding skills for?

The Wens learn their cousins son was injured but alive. That he'd been adopted while he was still recovering in the hospital.

The number the hospital has on file is eerily familiar.

There's no time to think any more about it. The Wens are in hyperdrive, trying to figure out how to contact this person. Hoping they might see their nephew, finally.

WQ says she was able to call the number and talk to the adoptive father about meeting up.

Wwx goes to bed feeling happy and good and like he can still do some things right. He falls asleep with a smile on his face.

He wakes up at 5am the next morning to a text, and he realizes why that number was so familiar.

The text, from a-yuan's adoptive dad, what are the chances, reads:

"I have always lived my life to be true and do what is right, but I find myself afraid. What if I have done something terrible? What would you say?"

His heart beating a hole in his chest, wwx finally texts back.

(threadfic here)

[beefrobeefcal]

https://64.media.tumblr.com/f80dfd4d4022311baf5ba6098b37fe83/181245afbf287710-c0/s1280x1920/76405f99a7880202727dd0a350a203f25c747899.jpg

xoxo

To Nonnie, Love Beefro

Nonnie, thank you. I needed this today.

Imma take a moment and be real with you all right now. Your beef is in a funk, and not the shake your groove thing kind.

tw: mental health talk

If this isn’t your bag and you’re just here for chaos beef fat peepaw meltdowns, mad respect, baby, and I’ll see you in the next post or two! 💜🥩💜

Smuttiest regards,

Beefro 👌🥩💜

First and foremost, I am not looking for sympathy, I’m just keeping y’all in the loop. This is something I have lived with for years and it’s only in my late 30’s that I have been able to put words to it (now NO ONE CAN STOP ME!), and you also might be thinking but beef, didn’t you just go thru this?

Like a beaver on a unicycle, these are the days of our lives and yeah - this cycle of good and bad, shit and great, highs and lows? happy and sad is my life. 🎢🥩🤯

There are factors in my non-internet life that I don’t have control over right now and they’re causing pretty severe anxiety, and it’s gotten so outside the I-can-handle-this realm that the terrible, ominous, dread-inducing brain goblin - depression - has made a cantankerous nest in my noggin. I call him Norbert.

I’m okay. I’m safe. I’m warm. I’m comforted. But I’m sad. Norbert has me seeing slights and purposeful ignorance in harmless and pleasant interactions. Norbert also tells me there’s slightly veiled hatred in a completely-obvious-it’s-not-about-me statement.

Depression is such a selfish brain bastard. It tells you every bad thing is and must be about you, and it tells you these lies over and over until you break down and believe them. I hate depression. But I don’t hate me. I love me enough to know I need kindness - not just from my inner circle and irl besties - but also from myself. I deserve to be treated gently, especially when I’m feeling fragile and breakable and fractured.

This isn’t me saying I’m taking a break - far from it! But I may not be as quick to respond or posting as frequently. I say that, and who knows… peepaw could show up to a movie festival in an outfit that gives home economics project inspired by chicken wire and I could be brought back to life and feel better. That’s the joy of harboring a Norbert - I could be fine one minute and debilitated the next.

Nonnie, I’m sorry to usurp your THOT with sad beef rambles, but i had to convey that I really did need this. I needed a small, wordless reminder that someone remembers me (again, depression lies!). Not only did you remember me, you thought of me when you saw Tim looking like he had one too many nights of take out and took the time to send this so me. 💜🥩💜 thank you.

Despite what Norbert tells me, I matter.

[just-a-creep-babe]

Dunno if youve done this already, but would you be willing to do some general headcanons for some of the creeps? Maybe ben or jeff? 👀👉👈

(Does this count as a request??)

I’m not sure how many of these headcanons I may have mentioned before, so excuse my repeating them if I have 😌👌🌸

Requests are closed but commissions are open!

Check out my patreon if you’d like to support me!

Masterlist: x

Jeff the Killer

Honestly, he was pretty scrawny (and dare I even say twink-like) when he first started killing

He thought he was invincible when he lost his mind, and combined with his lack of experience with independence, it led to him making a lot of very unhealthy choices

He neglected his hygiene, ignored the pangs of hunger & pain from overexertion, and he didn’t even bother sanitizing the cuts & scraps he got from fighting

For one reason or another, his mental break did result in superior health & stamina, but that doesn’t mean he’s invulnerable

Contrary to what he may have thought at one point, he is, in fact, not a god

It was only multiple near-death experiences later that he started learning how to take better care of himself

And then he also realized that eating right & working out made him even faster & stronger

So he’s since bulked up quite a bit, and he’s become obsessed with his health, fitness & nutrition

It also comes as no surprise to anyone that he’s, well, kind of an asshole

He actively tried to start shit when he first joined the mansion

He was restless & aggravated, and felt like he had something to prove

So he acted like a massive dickhead to everyone & looked for trouble wherever he went

He’s gotten quite the reputation because of that, and even though he’s chilled out since then, a good amount of creeps are either still wary of him or want to shred his guts to pieces

But don’t feel bad for him, he still kinda deserves it, even nowadays :”)

His relationship with Slender is definitely precarious because of what he’s done in the past

Because before he joined the safe-house, this idiot guy literally challenged the eldritch being to fights

Which, obviously, resulted in him getting his ass beat, but that didn’t stop him from trying again next time

The only reason Slender keeps him around is because he’s good at what he does

And he also doesn’t want an opposing force to claim him

Besides, Jeff is useful to pin chores on

Cause if he refuses, Slender just might get sick of him & kick him out—and Jeff is fully aware of this

It’s all those accumulated debts from before

But!! He’s not entirely without friends at the mansion

He’s besties with BEN, and otherwise gets along really well with Clockwork and Toby

He doesn’t spend too much time with Toby since the proxy’s always busy with work, but when they do hang out, they almost always have a really chaotic great time together

He honestly considers Smile Dog his ✨bestest bestie✨ so BEN does sometimes have to compete with a dog for Jeff’s attention

Which is, objectively, very funny

Romance-wise, though he’d never admit it, he is kind of lonely

He’d like to develop a bond with someone he can trust & become ride-or-dies, kind of like Bonnie & Clyde-esque

But he also has major trust issues, and it would take a Lot for that bond to develop

Sometimes, the loneliness & burden of his lifestyle haunts him when he least expects it

So he is prone to unhealthy coping mechanisms

He’ll find comfort at the bottom of a bottle, or he’ll pick at his open wounds & hurt himself various ways to deal with the darkness in his mind

But luckily, he’s learned how to repress it better over time, especially since he’s learned how to take better care of himself

So those lonely nights, while they still do creep up on him occasionally, have become fewer & farther between

Anyways, overall, this man is kind of wreck, but he’s gotten better over time, so that’s something at least, innit?

BEN Drowned

Unlike Jeff, who’s gone through some kind of change over time, BEN… has not

It might just be because he’s dead and physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally stuck in his old ways

Or it might just be because he’s incredibly lazy

Who can tell for sure?

Either way, his laziness borders on depression

He just doesn’t feel like doing anything—because why would he?

He’s basically immortal, he doesn’t need to get a job or pay rent or eat or sleep or, well, do anything, really

It gets to the point where he thinks “what’s the point?”

And that results in him playing video games for 2 weeks straight without leaving his room or showering or doing any basic self-care

He has to hold onto the things he likes because otherwise, he kind of just… wouldn’t have anything to exist for

So he’ll often indulge in gaming, hacking, sex and murder

Messing with people’s minds and driving them insane is a very entertaining hobby for him

It makes him feel powerful, like he can still exert his influence onto the living despite being dead

Sometimes, he won’t even kill his victims—he’ll just play with them for a few weeks or months before leaving them alone

He just loves knowing the thought of him will haunt them for the rest of their lives

He gets to live in their minds rent free without even trying—how wonderful is that?~

Tbh, he generally enjoys anything that strokes his ego

So he’ll often scour the inter-webs for stories about himself; whether they be from fans, victims or potentially even ghost hunters

It’s very flattering to him, knowing people actively spend their time thinking, talking & theorizing about him

He’ll sometimes even make fake accounts to join in on the fun~

He‘s kind of a narcissist, what can I say?

Homeboy feels very deeply connected to The Legend of Zelda, so he’ll follow all the latest news on the franchise

It’s also one of those things that give him some kind of a purpose

When his mental health dips, sometimes he’ll escape reality by just kind of… floating off into cyberspace

Existing can be hard, and sometimes you just wanna reside in a blank slate of information, ya know?

And then also, because he doesn’t need to eat to sustain himself, his diet is a mess

Which particularly stresses EJ out, so if he’s feeling like a lil shit, BEN will just eat the wildest kind of junk food to bother the med student

He once went nearly two whole months just eating condiments alone

And while EJ knows he doesn’t need good nutritional habits as a ghost, it just does Not sit right with him

Speaking of EJ and such, the other residents contribute a lot to helping BEN’s mental health

Mostly unintentionally, too

They just always keep things fun & fresh for him, like coaxing him out of his room, bargaining favors from him, getting him to do pranks—that sort of thing

He’s good friends with Jeff (as mentioned), Toby (they’re prank buddies), and he’s got a good amount of respect for Hoodie (even though they’re not super close, for similar reasons Jeff isn’t super close to Toby)

BEN’s also got a love-hate relationship with Dark Link, to the point where he’d probably consider him his nemesis

The two have a complicated relationship, but ultimately, his life would be missing something without Dark Link to constantly compete against

But other than that, he’s pretty neutral with a lot of the residents, simply by virtue of staying holed up in his room a lot of the time

With little to no purpose, our manses is really honestly just here to boyboss, gaslight, manipulate and be cringe

So things really aren’t too bad for him

At the end of the day, it’s hard to say whether he should be pitied or envied :”)

[hometothecanyonmoon]

rating and reviewing BLs i have watched so far (unupdated as of april ‘23)

hi this is just a post that i wanted to include in my page but it was getting too long lmao. this is just like a list of all that i’ve watched so far, in order. i won’t be including their plots here, but there might be spoilers. these are just my opinions in case someone new wants to bond over shows and wants to know what i thought 🤌🏽

we best love (both seasons) - 10/10. first BL that i watched, lowkey changed my life. absolutely obsessed with it, comfort series that i keep rewatching. absolutely amazing acting by everyone involved.

history3: trapped - 8.5/10. tang yi. no words. beautiful acting and cinematography, the plot was handled pretty well and i was pretty much broken by the last episode. jack and zhao lian are my children. i’m still obsessed with the OST, i listen to it multiple times a week. just goes to show how much a good soundtrack can still keep a show in your mind even if you watched it months ago.

bad buddy - 1073392729/10. HOE MY GOD. where do i start. all i’ll say is i’ll never be the same, this series is IT for me. THE show for me. nothing will ever come close. one day i’m gonna meet p’aof and cry on my knees. i will never be able to put into words just how much this series means to me, or just how important it is to me, or just how influential this has been for my life. i’ll never be able to get over it.

2gether the series - 6/10. didn’t watch the second season because s1 was so disappointing even if i finished most of it in one night. brightwin are cute and all but they were giving brothers i’m sorry 💀 their chemistry just sizzled out halfway. and they both need acting lessons i’m sorry

love in the air - 9/10. fort thitipong simp forever. first show that i watched while it was ongoing. came for payurain, stayed for prapaisky. although it’s lowkey rapey (which is to be expected from mame) i loved how well they handled the characters

tharntype - 6/10. started because i had heard so much about it, but abandoned it halfway. aside from the dubious consent (again, mame, people can’t consent when they’re asleep), the internalised homophobia got too toxic

star in my mind - 7.5/10. joongdunk are adorable, but they could’ve done a little more with the plot. the Feels™️ were lacking a little bit. cute show overall though. and i’m one of the five people who will die on the hill that seanmaitee are canon and deserved an official kiss

semantic error - 8.5/10. first KBL that i watched, finished it in one day. very beautifully done, all the colour symbolism etc was interesting as hell. pretty cute, although i do wish we could’ve gotten more fluff

love mechanics - 8/10. saw a short on yt and was convinced about the angst. boyyyy was i wrong, it was so much more angsty than i thought. highkey toxic and unhealthy too, but i’ll let it go. forever simping over p’bar. the parents angle was annoying but eh. i will say though, i had to take a lot more breaks while watching than usual, it became too much at points. we did get a little fluff at least though so

my tooth your love - 9/10. yes i hate the title. very very nicely done, the perfect representation of how trauma affects you even when you’re older and just how much it holds you back. convos about mental health, therapy, not letting your lover treat you like shit, AAAAA 🤌🏽🤌🏽 finished this in one day too. they didn’t magically have a moment where they forgave each other and kissed after confessing. they both worked to prove they were in this for the long run, and xun’an didn’t hesitate to hold bai lang accountable for being a jerk. really breaking all the BL barriers sjdhsjh 😭😭 the only part that annoyed me was his dad beating him up like hello?? he’s 30?? 💀💀 fucking vile. but bai qing is an icon and i love her and i would die for her. simp for alex speaking in english randomly. him and rj deserved more scenes and they need to be canon now!!!!!

roommates of poongduck 304 - 7.5/10. i had heard SO much about this so i had high expectations but i was kind of let down, i mean we really only got them together in ep 7. the chemistry, acting and side characters were great but tbh i feel like i’d have loved this a lottttt more if it had been a little spaced out, more episodes, had better conflict resolution and just better overall detailing. still a cute watch though

currently watching:

never let me go - this series is going to break me, i already know. phenomenal acting, symbolism and cinematography. every wednesday you can find me crying because it is just so excellent, the brainrot is real. can’t wait for more episodes

my school president - OBSESSED with them for real. they’re the toned down version of bad buddy, which i have proven in a post. can’t wait for them to be their high school’s power couple. very very wholesome

those are all for now! i’ll keep updating this post as i watch more. my to-watch list is already overflowing but i’d love your recommendations too!! and i’m always willing to scream about any given show so feel free to join me. :) x

[ang3l-fac33]

Hey guys, Angel is here. I'm going to be taking a long break from posting or writing, and I might even quit all together. My mental health has never been the best for a long time, and recently it's just gotten even worse. At this point, I'm just living in constant stress and anxiety, and it's really putting a strain on writing and keeping myself motivated. I love writing for you guys and all the requests you've sent me over the time of my having this account, but it's getting to the point where writing is becoming stressful and draining for me. My motivation plummeted a lot, and I don't want to put myself through so much strain, and most importantly, I don't want to give out half-assed fanfics for you all. I don't want to feel like writing is becoming a chore; I want to have fun with it and not be constantly worried and insecure about how I write.

Ive also been growing distant from Hazbin, growing a bit of a hatred for it because of how bad of a person Viv is. I tried not to let the things she's done stop me from liking the show, but I feel guilty for even liking it in the first place. I've come to realize how many flaws and questionable things there are in Hazbin, and I don't think I can handle that. The only thing I can really enjoy from it nowadays is fanfics of Lucifer, but even that puts a weight of guilt in my brain.

So, um, I guess this is goodbye? Maybe for now, maybe forever. Who really knows? Thank you for all the love and support you all have given me throughout the time I was here. I appreciate each and every one of you. It really was fun while it lasted. (Feel free to unfollow me if you wish because I won't be posting for a long time or ever again.)

I love you guys <3

angel out!

[lthasanlili666]

Taking a break from tumblr (please read)

I'm taking an small hitaus off from Tumblr due to mental health problems

I don't know when I will be back but I just can't do it anymore

I'm sorry

My Paranoia has gotten worse for some reasons and so far I've accused 2 people of copying my characters and lore

The first one was idolomanties, I accused them of copying my version of lucifer, when I did that Ive gotten so much and even one death threat, it was so bad that idolo had to say this on their monsters and girls blog:

The situation had effected me badly, so bad that I had to leave the idolomanties fandom due to how bad it is, luckily I got some support from idolo's fans and they were nice

So that's probably the only good thing from this situation alone

Anyways the second person I accuse of copying my oc was Duncan (I forgot their username but I do know that it started with "Duncan") but this time it was with asmodeus

I thought their version of asmodeus was similar so I talked to them about it privately and then they made this:

After they showed me the comparison, I apologized to them, they forgived me and then they blocked me (idolo also blocked me for accusing them of copying my oc)

I'm glad it was handled privately but I really feel so stupid right now like why??? Why am I like this????

Ughhhh I feel so

Paranoid

Gloomy

And most importantly tired

I really feel like I'm going insane right now

May has been a terrible month for me so far and I don't know why

Like what did I do to deserve this??????

Ughhh I hate my life so much

I just need a break from this hellsite right now

I just can't I just can't do it anymore

I'm sorry idolo

I'm sorry Duncan

I'm sorry everyone on here

For getting so paranoid over nothing, over the smallest stuff ever

I won't do it again I'm sorry

[hexalene]

Looks like you average 175 calls a day! :O

Depending on your shift length that's about 20 calls an hour, dang. I've heard 911 inbound calls are very mentally taxing, sometimes. How do you handle it?

It depends!

There’s kind of a mentality you develop doing this, which is that there is no closure. Once the line has disconnected, it’s over, you’ll never know what happens next.

It gets easier to compartmentalize. There are a good number of calls I think about a lot, but for the most part I let myself forget them.

As for the bad calls, I take breaks. My center has a policy that if you need a break, you take a break, it doesn’t matter how much the phones are ringing, if you need to step away, step away. This helps A LOT. I can go outside or to a private room and breathe, cry, talk it out, whatever I need.

If I’m being really really honest, I can compartmentalize terrible emergency calls a lot better than other difficult calls. With the emergencies, I do whatever I can to help and close the call knowing I’ve done all I can.

The calls I have trouble with are the people who call to verbally abuse us and the mental health frequent fliers, who also call to verbally abuse us in a different flavor. These suck because they’re just on the line to scream, cuss, threaten, and abuse you until you confirm there’s no emergency (and they’ll avoid letting you know if there is one to keep you on the line).

But even those? They’re fine. I might be annoyed with them, but they don’t know who I am and I don’t take the insults personally. It’s just exhausting to see a particular phone number in the queue and be like “oh boy, time to take my headset off because Jane Schizophrenia is about to call and scream as loud as she can into the microphone.” Or worse, to be answering in succession and be shocked when the scream belts out at full blast.

But again, even that? Not that bad.

There’s a LOT of talk about how awful the job can be and how not many people can do it, but honestly?? I think a lot more people could handle this job than they think.

Like bruh have you worked in an abusive retail environment for shit-tier pay and stayed calm while a 45 year old woman with a cropped haircut screams for the manager? Have you gotten into an argument with a coworker and managed to de-escalate it without mediation?

Have you successfully been in behavioral health therapy and have a good regimen of SSRIs, ADHD meds, anxiety pills, or all three (guess who) and can hold off the big emotions until you’re in a safe environment?

You’ll be fine. You can do 911.

[imagobin]

Leorio friend head canons:)? Just like general stuff for being his friend

Ooooh yess been meaning to start writing about Leorio on my own for a while, but looks like the asks beat me to it lol Thank you for requesting this! I definitely have thoughts about being Leorio's friend

🩵Friendship with Leorio HCs🩵

Med school:

You and Leorio enrolled in the same med school at roughly the same time, and ended up in the same class.

However, he didn't seem really interested about making new friends at first, only interacting with you and other classmates if necessary and focusing on his studies. Though he'd occasionally show up to parties to pick up ladies.

You were admittedly curious about him, not only because rumors had it he was a Hunter, but also because of how passionate and determined he was to really make what he studied for into a career.

The opportunity to finally talk to him presented itself on a quiet afternoon in the school's library.

Oddly enough, Leorio wasn't busy studying that day; he was just sitting on a window sill, trying to call someone on his phone. You saw him sigh, concern plastered all over his face... then he noticed you staring at him, flinched and went back to acting as if nothing had happened. "Oh hey y/n! S-sup?"

You ask if everything is okay, and he tries to deflect the question at first, but eventually gives in and tells you about a friend of his, Kurapika, who hasn't been answering his calls lately, and he's very worried for him.

You listen to Leorio, offer some words of comfort. He's really glad that he got to talk about this with someone, and that if you ever needed someone to talk to he'd always be available.

Ever since then you two have made it a habit to chat during breaks and hang out outside of class, going out for a coffee or studying for exams together.

Caring to a fault:

The closer you got to Leorio, the clearer it was that he's willing to put the people he loves above anything else.

When for whatever reason you miss class, he's always the first one to send you a text asking if everything is okay.

He also tells you what topics were talked about that day, if there's any assignments, and even sends you the notes he's taken during class! He wants to make sure you don't fall behind on your studies.

Leorio would also take all your concerns seriously, whether they have to do with your mental or physical health. He's completely willing to offer unbiased advice, and genuinely gets concerned if you tell him you've been feeling unwell and you can't figure out why that is yourself.

Man's going to spend hours researching your symptoms, and find ways to make you feel better.

Once he develops his Hatsu he's even more efficient at that, and often jokes that he won't charge you a dime for a diagnosis. You know full well he wouldn't charge anyone money for that, that's just not the kind of guy he is.

He tends to behave as a big brother a lot of the time, even reminding you to eat and drink if you're one who often forgets to, and even makes sure you get enough sleep.

Basically, he's always looking out for you.

Good fun:

Of course, being caring isn't the only thing he's got going on for him, the guy is also genuinely fun!

There's never a boring moment when you're with him, whether it's because he's gotten himself into trouble or because he's just bringing you with him to a party... you never really know with him, sometimes it's both.

Really, only he can turn a chill party night into a game of 'run away from an angry boyfriend', just because he flirted with the wrong girl there.

And of course he drags you off with him, because buddies stick together!

On nights where things do go well, he has the bad tendency to get absolutely wasted, but it's alright, he's the funny kind of drunk, he gets all wobbly and starts talking nonsense until he falls asleep, probably on you. He's a mess.

Leorio at heart is a pretty adventurous guy, so whenever you guys are free from classes and exams, he often suggests to go on hikes and such.

Although a lot of the time, those hikes turn into him paying very close attention to the plants growing in the area you're exploring, taking note of any medical plant that could come in hand, because "You never know how much equipment you're gonna have on you to practice first aid!"

He's really resourceful like that.

[whats-k-popping]

92) After a fever dream wakes you up, I roll over and hold you close, your head underneath my chin.

With a Sick Theo and Keeho or Intak taking care of him?

Thanks so much for the request!! I got the idea and it kinda took off on it's own! What could have easily been one scene turned into a whole drabble! I hope you enjoy this sick!Theo content! I hope this satisfies your cravings!

Pairing: Keeho X Theo - platonic intentions, but open interpretation. Briefly ft. Intak.

Words: 1429

Warnings: Fever || Sick Member || Slight Angst || Nongraphic Fever Dream

Taeyang was thrilled to finally be on the way home. What started as just some sniffles morphed into a pounding headache, which developed into whole body aches, and then the body aches became an unshakable chill, and by that point, he'd come to the conclusion he's gotten sick.

His members had also figured it out rather quickly. He had no way of hiding it. His usually balanced complexion was pale, with feverish, sweaty blotches of red. And his striking eyes were glossed over with an obvious haze. Keeho's hand on the eldest's forehead only confirmed what they'd all suspected.

"Why didn't you say you were sick?" Keeho questions as he guides Taeyang into his room. He knows that as the leader, he has to reprimand such reckless behavior. But he wants to do it away from the younger members, to spare his hyung's dignity.

"I didn't know, I thought it was just a small cold." He admitted. "I didn't feel really bad until a few hours ago."

"Then you should have told me a few hours ago." Keeho retorts without missing a beat, "I don't care if we're in the middle of something, or if we have more schedules to get through. If you feel sick, you tell me. Nothing is worth risking your health."

Taeyang nods his head as he sits down on the edge of his bed. As belittling as it is, he knows Keeho is right. And he appreciates having a leader who will always put them first, especially when they struggle to do it themselves.

"Think you can go take a shower? It'll help. I'll get you some dinner and meds for when you get out." Keeho doesn't wait for a response before he's out the door, but Taeyang nods his head anyway, gathering his pajamas and staggering to the bathroom.

Intak is sitting beside the bathroom door, playing a game on his phone. When Taeyang sends him a questioning look, the rapper is quick to reply, "Keeho-hyung told me to sit here." He says defensively, waving his hands in innocence. "He doesn't want you to pass out in the shower or anything."

Taeyang doesn't have the mental capacity to ask any more questions, so he gives Intak a quick nod before stepping into the bathroom and closing the door. He doesn't lock it.

Intak is still seated there when he comes out, dressed in his loosest pajamas and hair still dripping wet. "Hyung," the rapper pockets his phone and jumps to stand across from him. "You need to dry your hair. You're already sick, don't want to make it worse."

"Tired." Taeyang pouts. The cool water of the shower took the last remaining ounce of his energy. He just wants to crawl into bed.

Intak chuckles, resting a hand on his hyungs shoulder. "C'mon. I'll do it for you." He guides the vocalist back into the bathroom and sits him on the closed toilet seat. "I'll be gentle, okay." There's a warmth in Intak's smile that allows Taeyang to relinquish any sense of control. He just lets Intak take over. And it's so comfortable. The soft way he towel dries the dripping ends, and the way his long fingers card through as he blows each strand dry. Taeyang nearly falls asleep sitting down.

It's Keeho's voice that breaks through the soft hum of the blow dryer. "There you are," he crouches down to Taeyang's eye level. "Ready for bed?"

Taeyang nods. The blow dryer turns off, and Intak cards through his now dry hair one last time before he creeps out of the bathroom. But not without wishing his hyung good health first.

"Let's get you to your room," Keeho holds a hand out for Taeyang. The older takes it, but makes no effort to list himself up. So the leader puts his other hand behind Taeyang's back and helps him to stand. Thankfully, Taeyang has enough lingering energy to shuffle back to his room.

The bedding is already turned down. And there's a tray of food sitting beside his bed, which is a charming sentiment because Keeho never allows food in the bedrooms. Taeyang drops himself into the bed and quickly pulls the covers over himself. "Keeho, I really don't feel good."

"I know, hyung. You'll feel better after some sleep." The leader sits on the edge of the bed. "I know you're tired, but you need to eat first."

Taeyang forces himself to eat a few bites just so he can satisfy the leader. He also begrudgingly swallows the fever reducers that Keeho demands he take, along with a handful of other vitamins. Once Taeyang sticks out his tongue as proof that he swallowed them all, Keeho stands off the bed. "Okay, you've showered, eaten, and taken meds." He lets out a relieved breath, "I think you're all ready for bed then."

Keeho keeps talking while he scurries across the room, but Taeyang isn't really listening. He's been teetering the edge of sleep for far too long now. And he's ready for his exhaustion to swallow him whole. "I've told the maknaes to sleep on my room tonight, so you can have the room to yourself." Taeyang's eyes widen at that, his heart races in his chest.

He doesn't want to be alone.

As Keeho arranges the items on the bedside table, Taeyang reaches out to grab the leader's wrist. The sudden contact startles Keeho, who flinches but doesn't immediately pull away. "What's the matter? Is something wrong?" He's immediately on high alert. Taeyang's not exactly the clingy type.

The eldest's heart is pounding in his chest. His lip is quivering and his thoughts are racing. He's never felt shy around Keeho before, especially when it comes to asking for attention. But something about the situation makes him feel extra vulnerable. He looks up at the leader with big, watery, fever-ridden eyes. "Can you stay with me?" He finally asks.

Keeho doesn't tease or joke. He takes Taeyang's hand in his own and gives him a soft smile, "Of course, hyung." He replies, "Scoot over and make some room." Which Taeyang does quickly despite the aching in his body.

Once Keeho settles in, Taeyang is quick to latch himself onto the leader. For warmth of course. "I'm so tired." The elder member speaks into the fabric of Keeho's shirt.

"Then sleep," Keeho whispers, running his palm up and down Teayang's back. "I'll be right here."

It's not long until the two of them are fast asleep under the covers.

Keeho's never realized how much Taeyang moves in his sleep. One minute, all four of his limbs are in some way intertwined with his own. The next, Taeyang is pressed up against the wall. The blankets are constantly shifting between being pulled up and being kicked down to the bottom of the bed. It's an uncomfortable nights sleep, but Keeho finds a way to sleep through it all.

Around 2 AM, Taeyang's tossing and turning is accompanied by whimpers and gasps. He mutters the names of his members and flails his limbs around. One final gasp has the older shooting up in the bed, heart racing, tear tracks running down his cheeks. As he gasps for air, he looks to Keeho, who is still sleeping beside him. His back is turned facing the door, seemingly on the edge of the mattress, allowing Taeyang to take up as much space as he needs.

The sight of his sleeping leader brings him instant comfort. He takes a deep breath before he lays back down, pulling the covers back up to his neck. He's still tired but can't bring himself to sleep, afraid he might have another horribly graphic fever dream. So he stares at the back of Keeho's head, trying to convince himself that he's in a safe place.

Keeho can feel every movement that Taeyang makes. He can hear Taeyang sniffling as he tries to subdue the sadness presumably brought on by whatever nightmare startles him awake. In one swift motion, Keeho turns over and wraps an arm around the older's torso, pulling him close. Taeyang's face fits right into the crook of Keeho's neck. The feverishly warm skin presses against Keeho's chin. He can feel the cold remnants of tears on his neck.

"It was just a bad dream, hyung. Go back to sleep," Keeho slurs when he feels the tickle of Taeyang's eyelashes on his neck as he blinks.

The leader pulls Taeyang impossibly closer and waits until he feels the sick man's eyes flutter closed. There's only sweet dreams after that.

[kdramajunkie-101]

Let me preface by saying, I am not trying to justify any of Do Kyung's actions. This is simply an analysis on his character. Yes, he's done bad things and should face the consequences. With that being said, I hate how his mental health is being handled in the drama. Not the way it's written per se but how a few characters handle it.

His Dad

Literally, all of what Do Kyung is facing right now stemmed from how he was brought up. Having to be perfect at everything and putting on a facade for the cameras. His dad showed NO interest in him beyond his "offerings." An example being: "Is he good enough to be my heir?,"is he good enough to commit such a crime?" He has also had to prove himself in his own family, and that can cause a person's psyche to become altered and disrupted. His dad, to me, is also a victim, and I'll expound later in Chairwoman Jo's paragraph.  Him calling Do Kyung a monster is quite ironic as well. Who could've created such a monster, I wonder? Let me guys know if you ever come up with an answer.

His Mom

She's a victim as well. She's very submissive and lacks agency. Her helplessness and naivety are actually quite scary as this makes her a tool that the father can use at any time. Her scene in the prison where she visited Do Kyung actually had me tearing up. That was what led me to even start writing this. Just her one statement, "You disobeyed your dad." That just showed how she herself can't do anything without approval from the dad. I don't even think she realizes the damage she's done to the poor child. Her also just moving on with her life after seeing her son breaking down in front of her just goes again to show how disconnected she really is. And even at the funeral, she looked like she had so much to say, but she just wasn't able to. Her entire marriage, all she's known, is serving her husband and being a "good wife." Of course, nothing else will come before that. Not even her son.

Do Kyung

Do Kyung making such a choice is understandable, to say the least. As someone who has struggled with mental health. Such a method has always been seen as the way out. Notice I didn't say easy. Because such a choice is NEVER easy. Poor guy wasn't even being treated while he was locked up in prison. Everyone putting the blame on him for EVERYTHING was so unnecessary and unfair as well. He was a jerk, evil, and downright nasty, but no one with mental health issues should be placed in such an environment.  Especially without proper medication and care.

This is dedicated to the worst character of the show in MY OPINION.

His Doctor

Ohhhhh I was fuming when he called him a psycho. I was so annoyed. Do Kyung was a patient. He was actively seeking help in an environment that ostracized mental health issues. Yes, he may not have been the nicest or taken his medication all the time, but he was still trying. He was doing the best he could in an environment that wouldn't allow for much growth. And for someone whom he was supposed to trust and tell his entire life to say something like that was just downright nasty. No matter if he was a psycho or not. If the doctor had felt that he was a threat, then he should've reported him to the necessary authorities. Disrespecting a patient is never the right thing to do. I was so elated when Do Kyung beat his a** up. Leapt from my chair in joy.

Final Character

Chairwoman Jo

This is kinda hmmm. Like I think everything that we're seeing and all the characters in the Noh family all have their respective issues due to her. In a flashback, we could see that she treated Suk Min similarly to how he treated Do Kyung. Talk about generational trauma. Of course, Suk Min would've replicated what he was taught. In this specific scene, she was talking about sending Suk Min to prison for a crime he had committed because he had gotten away with "too much." This literally shows that she had been sweeping all of his wrongs under the rug as she wanted someone picture perfect to take over her beloved company. Suk Min was never enough for her, similarly to how Do Kyung wasn't enough for him. She didn't care much for them.

I think that she saw an opportunity to right ALL her wrongs through Do Hee. Do Hee to her was a new slate. All the things she did with Suk Min and Su Ahn could've been "erased" by raising Do Hee in a less restrictive way. As she was able to do all this, she decided to give Do Hee the company. I think that was very wrong. Of course, Suk Min didn't create the company, and it isn't "his" looking from it at a more Western perspective. As Chairwoman Jo built it from the ground up, however, she had Suk Min training ALL his life with only one thought in mind. Him owning the company and carrying on her legacy. And for her to throw such a curve ball, of course, he'd be upset and pissed off. This is not me justifying all the rubbish he's done, though. I'm just saying I would be very upset if I were in his position. As such, I think Chairwoman Jo is kinda the biggest villain in a sense. Because all these "monsters" were created through her training and teachings. Plus, episode 12 ending kinda proved me right in a sense.

So that is that. My little two cents on a few characters and why I think Do Kyung isn't the biggest of villains. Poor kid needed love, and that wasn't given to him. Still, he was disgusting jerk, but he needed love. If he was given that care and affection, maybe he would've been different. If Suk Min, his dad was given more love and care and approval, maybe he would've been different as well.

[thestarrynightslover]

Okay, so PD s11 finale theories:

Route A: they work real hard get to the killer and Voight but it's too late and he's dead/dying/dies en route to Med/at Med

Though I'm not so sure abt this cause we haven't heard about Jason's leaving (no, I am not up to date with who's already been confirmed to stay, sorry)

And if this happens, I think Hailey, or someone else on the team (prob Hailey), will kill the offender and it won't be the best of shoots so she'll be forced out of the department, or it'll take a toll on her and she'll take Petrovic's advice and make a change in her life (leaving cpd, and what I'm gonna say now is another discussion entirely but: she might not even wanna continue to be a cop and let's remember she has a college degree!).

OR

She'll just be really shaken by Voight's d3ath (which will be her losing another one she loved/who was her family) and will leave bc of that, she'll think that job is taking more than giving.

Route B (a happier and therefore less likely one, lol): everything will work out and Voight will be okay but Upton's good work as a team leader will be so praised that she'll get some sort of promotion and will have the opportunity (and accept, again, following Petrovic's advice) to lead another team.

OR

Even saving Voight, she'll kill the guy (or he will!! And she'll want to take the heat) and be asked to leave the pd/leave bc she can't leave like that anymore.

In summary, I think the episode, despite being a finale (which are usually more team-coded), will be Upton centric and will highlight those conversations abt mental health and change between her and Petrovic and that's gonna have everything to do with her leaving.

Another conclusion I'm reaching after e12 is that (total shocker, yes I know 🤡) there will be no upstead reunion/closure whatsoever, bc Hailey's departure is not gonna have anything to do with that. And even though I will most likely be over the moon if we get at least a phone call with Jay, I don't think that should happen bc as much as they did the upstead break up really dirty and bad and fucked up with all those unanswered phone calls and stuff, I think it wouldn't make any sense to bring him back or even up at all again, for obvious reasons: we haven't heard about Jay/upstead in forever now. Literally no mentions that either even happened on the show ever since Jo's first episode where she points out that Hailey just got a divorce. And even though Hailey's not healed at all after all she went through (not just Jay's leaving!!), it's like she has gotten some sense of closure on that part of her life and to bring that all up again would just be straight up cruel with her/them (cause whatever happens, I don't see them getting back together, so...). But this is a drama (read character-hater) show, so who knows, right?

Well, that's it, thank you for coming to my ted talk if you made it to the end of this rant. Bye, see ya next week!

[alphagodith]

un/employment rant

my husband was forcefully retired recently (ie kicked out of the military for requesting permission to see a mental health specialist- who cares that the issue wasn't that serious, him needing any kind of help at all apparently made him unfit for duty, forget the 14 years he'd served just fine) and he and i are both very happy about it because now he gets to find a new, better job that doesn't treat him like shit and train him into all sorts of super toxic habits!

but since announcing this, we've gotten a lot of 'oh no i'm so sorry' responses, despite this being a GOOD thing for us, and it reminded me of the time i quit my own job because management was disregarding me and trying to force me to do jobs i had explicitly said i couldn't when i signed on, and this one lady's response was to tell me to 'pray to the lord to give you the strength to stay' and... first of all i'm atheist. but second of all, i didn't WANT to stay, staying was BAD for me, so why would i pray that someone would change my own mind???

anyway i think it's cuz the economy is so awful that people regard losing your job as equivalent to dying, which is so messed up! like yeah you need a job cuz you need INCOME to pay for food and stuff, but both my husband and i have enough savings to hold us over until he gets a new job, and i at the time just had the job for EXTRA money, not for survival, so it's really not THAT big of a deal for us to be unemployed. (we are not rich by any means, and HAVE been a bit stressed about the situation, but he has good prospects and we know we can afford to survive until he lands one- having to worry/work a little does not negate this being a GOOD life change overall for us)

furthermore, what's the point of keeping a job that's just killing you slowly with back-breaking labor and intense emotional trauma??? the income is supposed to keep you ALIVE, so if the job is KILLING you, then you really might as well just cut out the middle man and be destitute/homeless! at least then you're free.