#Nothing left to live for if i dont matter anymore and life is just a horrible fuckong traonwreck

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

I do kinda hope we get a sequel, it’d be nice to be able to talk about Lorabetta again

[sick-as-a-dog]

.

[http-finnick]

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 - 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐫

finnick odiar x fem!reader

summary: after the war, your whereabouts are a mystery left with missing next to it. finnicks days are gloomy without his love as jealous friends burden him.

request: hi I love your finnick stories so much!! i really like reading them ♥️ i saw requests are open an was wondering if you could do a finnick x reader where its after the war and he thinks shes dead but later finds out she’s alive and he’s just happy and excited to plan their life together? thank you ♥️

I dont..miss her. it's strange. I- I want her here it's just..I feel like I've lost something..like I'll find it soon. It'll be in arms reach soon, just...wait. that's all. wait.

"you're grieving. It's denial" his head pops up to see a red-headed woman cross her legs, he almost forgot he was saying that all out loud

"she isn't missing, Finnick, she isn't at arms reach. She's dead." Annie moves her hair behind her ear before resting her head on her hand, staring at his expression, for a reaction to her statement

"some shrink you are." he scoffs, he hates how she's talking. she isn't dead. she cant be.

"...finnick" pity. her tone is pitiful and there's nothing he despises more. he struggles to find logic to support his calm as he fumbles from rage

"no body."

"what?" "no body. no proof. she could be alive" now he stares straight at her. her wide brown eyes flashing a sign of annoyance before being coated with a wave of seriousness.

"we went over this. you need to look at the facts-" "I am. no body." now he's getting defense, how could she say that? wheres her hope? she never gives up on anyone why would she give up on you so quickly?

"you called me a shrink. I'm not. I'm a friend and you need to listen to me as that. mourn her. do it now before you hold onto her forever"

.

she's gone. I know that now. I don't talk about her anymore, annie doesn't like the noise. mostly to myself when I want to reminisce on good memories that just end up with me crying in the bathroom like a pathetic wimp. sometimes I think to talk about her to annie but she just tells me to let go of her. but I can't.

the 5 stages of grief. Annie told me about that. is confusion one? I feel confused.

I sit on the island counter as I hear fabric on fabric, it's the dress of annie swiping against itself as she walks in to check on me.

"hey, you okay?" she leans against the wall, fiery red hair longer than ever as she awaits my answer

"uhh, yeah, yeah." brushing it off as I sit up, she isn't satisfied. he knows but it isn't the time.

"wanna talk about it?" seriously? he can? and to think she hated the noise

"it'd be nice" he answered sniffing slightly as he was already getting emotional

"what's the matter?" she sits down and motions for him to do as well, he hesitates, feeling more in control of the situation by standing and looking away, but, he sits.

"uh, I'm really am missing her a lot more" he watched her chew her cheek and he starts to feel claustrophobic. is he a burden? an annoyance to bring up the past? to dwell so heavily?

"what are you hanging onto so much?" her tone is soft but he knows spitfire when he hears it, he smiles and bites his bottom lip, he knew it was too good to be true.

"what?" shes clueless. utterly clueless and he's about to snap

"no it's just, wow."

"..wow?"

"you tell me to mourn but I'm never allowed to!" he smiles while sitting up, completely done. over her bullshit and looking for a fight

"well, mourning isn't clinging onto things fin." she hits right back, ready to get this over with and go to bed.

"what the hell is wrong with you? I- I have no one to fucking talk to!"

"you aren't here when you talk! you are somewhere else living in the past and you can't hear anyone when they tell you the truth!"

"oh- oh so what this truth?" he pushes her, ready for her to say, daring her to.

"that she's dead and you need to get over that." she strikes for the kill and it fucking hurts. he bites his tongue as she scoffs and tries to form a semi-redeemable apology that he knows he just bullshit

"no. I need you to get the fuck out." he waves his hand mindlessly towards the door as he stares at the floor, feeling blood pool into his mouth from biting his tongue a little too hard

.

two of the most important women are gone from his life and he only has a chance with one of them.

he wears dress pants and a button-up with flowers he picked this morning. he needs at least for this to work out.

he slides the bouquet onto the counter and lets his fingers run through his fluffy locks as he opens the fridge, trying to find some drinks they can have together as he scans the empty cold box.

he throws his head back at the sound of the rippling scream of his phone, he can't deal with post-capitol shit right now.

he swings his feet and grabs the telephone off the wall, stating his name and 'hi' as he waits

a woman chimes in on the other line stating herself and her authority as she starts to say things he doesn't really understand, numbers of times and dates, he doesn't do appointments or capitol press anymore

"wait- wait. I'm sorry, what?"

"for ms.l/n, when will you arrive for her?" he drops the phone as his throat closes up. they found her. they found her. they found her.

her body.

pickup. they want me to come to get her. his knees became weak and he slid to the floor, only now hearing her voice asking for him as it dangled next to his shaking body

he grabs it and puts it up to his ear, his voice cracking as he asks what date, time, and location to...pick her up.

he couldn't help but notice the way she talked about 'ms.l/n' in a slight past tense. he wanted confirmation for the longest time but it was bittersweet knowing she was actually gone. no fuck that. it's bitter it hurts like hell. it feels like the day he found out she was gone and panicked looking for her, though this time actually finding a body. he isn't gonna let Annie's "coping 101" infect his brain now. he is in pain. he feels like he is dying.

his love is gone. It's been months of her gone but now she's gone.

the train ride was silent as he just sat there in shock the whole time. he was lucky enough to get one today. he hopes they are wrong, hoping when he walks in it'll be someone else.

he stumbles into the hospital, telling the nurses about the call and about the woman on the other line. they tell him a room number and he floats there without question.

he notices how the room isn't leading to a morgue but rather a patient room. maybe it's full. maybe they found her with other missing troops.

and turns the door and cracks it open, he can't stop himself to shut his eyes tightly as he hopes shes is in a zipped body bag at least

he opens his eyes right when he walks in.

there. it's you. no doubt.

it's you sitting up. you're alive.

"y-y/n?"

"holy shit finnick..you're all dressed up for me?" how, how could you joke at this time? how can you joke at all? you were dead. he thought you died he-

he sprints towards you and hugs you tightly, tears flowing from his eyes as he smells you, feels you, loves you again

"I- I thought you died.."

"me too" you mumble feeling your own tears slip out as he weeps against you. you're safe.

"I love you, I love you so much" he cries out, not daring to pull away from you but you manage to lift him up just enough to be face-to-face with him. you kissed him softly, his lips familiar and warm

"I love you too"

you're thin and bruised. utterly beaten down by nature as your busted lip smiles at him, and he knows no matter how long you were lost you were the same old you deep down.

"let's get married. let's get married and move anywhere you want." he smiles, thinking of living with you in the meadow, alone, just the two of you.

"woah, next you're gonna say let's make a million babies" you giggle, pretending like you weren't about to say the same thing.

"not quite a million my love but close to it" he laughs and you fall into it as well. wiping your tears with your free hand had only now noticed how hard your other hand was gripping his

"I missed your laugh so much" he sniffs, tears still spilling out as he smiles at you

"I missed everything about you so much" you dip back in to kiss him and he goes right to it, hugging you deeply as he thinks about how soon you'll be his wife. soon he'll be your husband and soon you two will have a life. a real one.

an: I hope this is okay! I added Annie drama on accidentally lmao. I hope I didn't pace it weirdly and I hope I was able to catch how Finnick was feeling at least a little well. like he knew deep down she was alive but he was just mourning her absent presence. I hope you guys enjoyed it! mwah, love you so much!

[withlove-angel]

⚠️warning: platonic love, heartbreak

Love?

Buggy was inside of a bar with his crew, being upset and watching his crew have fun. He had no idea what he was upset about but he was a bit moody.

"Hey barkeep can I get a beer over here or something? What the hell's the hold up?!" Buggy yelled. He was more impatient and a pain in the ass.

The barkeeper managed to hand his order, its a busy day for the ones who work on this bar...

Buggy's eyes widened as he saw y/n. He had left her sleeping on the ship...

His girlfriend walk closer to him "buggs" she rest her hands on his shoulderas her boobs press against his back "on the bar again?"

Buggy was speechless, turned his face to her. "Hey Angel" He sounded upset.

"Whats the matter?" The girl had a worried face on. He is still not used to someone caring about him, it make him feel uncomfortable

The clown still looked annoyed "Oh nothing" Buggy muttered before sighing. He took his drink and took it down in one gulp.

She place her hand on top of his hand that is holding his cup, taking away from his lips "its not nothing if you are upset about it" she say sweetly, trying to help him even when look like he dont want her close.

Buggy tried to smile at her, but his face cant hide how annoyed he is. "It's nothing, y/n" He said harshly, his hands making a strong sound as he olac them on th table he is sitting "I don't feel like talking." He sighed and looked away, his leg shaking, his breath smelling a strong scent of alcohol.

She kiss him sweetly on his cheeks, trying to light his mood but only reciving his eyes rolling "im not gonna force you to talk... but... please dont take your frustration on the alcohol..."

Buggy blushed a bit, y/n dont know if it was because of the kiss or because he is slightly drunk, but then sighed again. He didn't want to say how he really felt. He put down the cup and the bartender filled it again with beer. Buggy kept his mouth shut and took a big sip.

"Buggy" she glare at him. He knows how much she hate when he takes his frustration on alcohol as he always did before meet her. This make her feel useless, she just wanted to help him...

"What!?" Buggy snapped at her. He was starting to get heated up. He was staarting to feel his blood boiling. "Just leave me alone! You just piss me off, i don'tneed you!" He growled and turned his back to her.

"Fine" she say upset "but dont say no one care about you when you were the one who snaped me away"

The captain scoffed and rolled his eyes. He drank all of the beer in his cup and pounded it on the table."Whatever," He mumbled and then tried to ignore y/n, and the tears that started to roll down her cheeks as she start to leave the bar... He just hurted the fisrt person that loves him for who he is in all his life...

For some reason e couldn't ignore y/n now. He turned around and saw her tears. He felt guilty but he still wouldn't apologize with sincerity. "Fine, I'm sorry" He said, rolling his eyes again.

She look at him like he just did something terrible... she never looked at him like that, her sweet look that he deny but he loves, wasn't there anymore. She leave the bar, letting him alone with his crew.

Buggy took another sip from his beer and he felt even more upset now than he did before. He couldn't stop thinking about how he hurt her. He knew y/n was the first person to truly love him, so maybe he should be nicer to her. That was a difficult thought to accept. He thought about y/n for a while and then decided to look for her. He walked out of the bar and tried to find his upset girlfriend.

He finded her crying her heart out on the beach next to where his ship is.

Buggy approached a crying y/n and he kneeled down next to her. He felt bad for making her cry. He then put his hand on her shoulder and started patting it. "What's wrong, Angel?" He asked her, sounding more concerned.

"I love you buggy... i really do... i gave up my old life to live with you on the sea... but i don't feel that you like me... you treat me like...like trash" she finally say

"Angel" Buggy sighed. He knew she loved him, but he didn't know how to love her back. His life had always been about himself. He didn't like anyone. "I love you too" He said, but he didn't sound that genuine. Buggy could see how heartbroken she was now, really because how sad her eyes had became.

He felt bad for her now. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. He was confused about his feelings, he was always rude with everyon, its weird not being like that "Look, I said I love you, okay? I don't know what else you want me to do" He scoffed. "I said I love you. Happy now?"

She shakes her head, looking at his face while tears fall down, hugging herself as she bend her body away from his "you love me buggy? You really do?" She don't believe a word that he said. It hurted buggy, more then he imagined...

"Yeah! Of course, I do. What else do you want from me?" Buggy frowned and turned to her. "I said it already, and yeah, I do love you. Okay? So stop crying and bitching about it. Its not a big deal" He sighed. It was like he really wasn't trying to comfort her in anyway. He didn't want to put any effort into apologizing to y/n.

She shakes her head stop looking at him, she start thinking and it scared Buggy more than he wants o admit. She always was so open to him, even when he didn't want to, he didn't like it... or it was what he thought...

"Angel, look at me" Buggy grabbed harsly and turned her head to face him, leavinga red mark on her cheeks. "I said I love you, alright? I'm not really good at this, but I'm trying. You really need to stop crying now. I can'tbare a cry baby" He sighed and let her go, pushing her face away .

"Im tired" she say, pressing her hand on her cheeks as it is hurting "tired to dreaming that one day you will love me back as much as i love you" she say as she is finding the conclusion of something. Buggy eyes hiden, his legs start to shaking. He know he dont love her as much as she loves him... but she wont leave him right? She loves him... she wont leave... right?

->part2

[decodedlvr]

As long as I’m with You

Steve Harrington x You (short)

Summary: Steve wakes up to another bad night you’ve had this week

Warnings: hurt/comfort, talks of poor physical and mental health, doctors, suicidal ideation, medication use, drug use, chronic health issues, BPD if you squint, disabilities, use of the word “girl” x times, negative self talk, mentions of sex, angst, fluff~~

This is based off my own experiences and inspired by my pal Morgan’s version; feel free to check hers out

Tick tick tick

The clock strikes 12 and then 1, 3, 5am in the morning, no sleep no rest it’s an every day cycle. The same shitty cycle.

It’s a new year, but not a new you.

Sitting in your walker in front of the excruciatingly bright television screen, high as a kite, everything in existence running through your mind 100 mph, sometimes the weed helps the pain. Sometimes it induces it or even makes it worse. Right now it’s doing nothing for you. Looking over at your loved one sound asleep. You don’t want to bother him with your whines or crying. So you just sit there silence, tears rolling down your cheeks; while you watch some bullshit on YouTube.

Sniff Sniff

“Baby?”

Shit.

“..yea?” you say in a whispered tone

“Are you ok? what’s wrong?”

“Ah, you already know”, you’ve used that line probably over a million times

Steve comes along your side expecting a few dried tears, but his eyes widen when he’s sees the collar around your shirt bitten, snot dribbling down your mouth and throat, crouching down, he lies his head onto your thigh looking up at you, “Talk to me sweetheart”

“No.”

“Hey, I know you’re hurting”—

“GOOD FOR YOU! Congratulations you know I’m hurting, you know I’ve been hurting for fucking years. I’m glad you’ve acknowledged it unlike some people”you sniffle getting up in a hurry to take a piss as he follows with sad eyes leaning against the door frame

“I’m fucking tired, I’m so goddamn exhausted nobody will ever know what I’m dealing with!”, you say wiping your ass not bothering to wash your hands, “I can’t do anything I can’t run, I can’t jump, can’t go to the stupid, fucking grocery store without one of those motorized carts.. my back hurts, my fucking knees are throbbing, stupid fucking nerves won’t calm down FUCK! It’s not like I can get in the bathtub to calm my muscles down. Nothing is helping! No medication, no PT, no injections, no nothing! Why?? am I just resistant to any source of help or treatment? I-I can’t even lay in the goddamn bed to sleep. That’s all I have left is rest!! What is rest!? I don’t know what the hell that even is”

“I know baby I know”—

“NO YOU DONT STEVE, all you know is what you see. I wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy, my worst enemy to feel what I feel. That’s how bad it all hurts. The most evil, sick and twisted person in this world, I would never wish this upon. I just..”, getting dizzy you collapse on the bed sobbing into your own hands, then eventually into Steve’s shoulder as he rocks you, tears spilling from his own eyes—

“Nobody cares, nobody wants to help me. nobody cares unless I’m rich and can afford to give them any and ALL the things off my back, but I can’t. Even with the money you make it will never be enough to help the poor girl who’s too young to have any kind of issue. It’s “all in my head” I’m just fucking crazy. I could break my own neck and still be told it’s only from anxiety. Nobody cares just”—

“I care” he exhales

“It doesn’t matter if you care, all your care is useless, all your help is worthless to me because it gets me nowhere. Nobody’s love and care gets me nowhere. It’s nothing all but fucking false hope. Don’t you get that? None of you still to this day seems understand that. Stop praying for me to get better. It’s never going to happen. I can’t take it anymore.. I just wanna die! All I wish for is to die but, I can’t even have that. It’s like all of you want me here, to live and suffer for the rest of my life for y’all, it’s not fair, fuck that”, your trembling, body in fight or flight

“Don’t say that, you know I’d do anything to take your pain away”

“It doesn’t matter what you’d do because you’re not a doctor. You’re not a professional, you can’t help me get better.. sucks to hear but it’s the truth Steve..fuck”—

Steve’s really trying not to beat himself up over your words, he knows you’re in pain, it comes from a place of anger, frustration and fear

“I have all these pain medications I could easily take all at once, so I’ll never have to wake up in this position ever again. Why can’t I do it huh? I could end right here right now you never have to suffer again, but I just d-don’t; If anything, I’m the most selfless person for staying alive for YOU just so I can be alive but in pain all over again for YOU!”, your tone getting higher and higher in pitch

“I-I’m sorry.. I wish I knew the right words to say baby”, he’s trying his best to stay strong for you

“You’ve got to be sick of me, tired of me. All I do is cause more money to come out of your pockets, more exhaustion, more burdening, more crying, more everything bad for you. You already deal with your own shit. I do nothing but make your own mentality worse, hell you’re making your own self worse being with a person like me. A broken and useless excuse of a human being. You deserve somebody who can go hiking with you, go to the beach, travel with, who can do the bare minimum. Can’t even fuck you properly—

“STOP! Stop that right now” he shouts

You freeze because he’s never raised his voice at you, atleast not on purpose at such a vulnerable time

“I hate it too. You know it hurts me to know that you hurt and I’m sorry that I can’t take the pain away from you. My sweet, sweet girl I’m so sorry that nobody has given you the chance to hear your voice, to help heal you..but I’m gonna make you the same promise I make you almost every single night. As long as I’m with you, I will try my best with all my power to make it a little bit more bearable for you to be here, and I am so grateful that you are still here and choose to be here with me for us to be together. I know you hurt, but as long as you’re with me, I’m going to do my best to put a smile on your pretty face, beautiful sunshine of a smile because you’re my sunshine.. y-your smile gives me life did you know that?”

You nod. He tells you all the time

“I- I’m tired for wishing to feel ok for my birthdays, every Christmas. All the shirts and posters you got me for Christmas? I haven’t even touched them yet, you know why? Because the selfish person in me doesn’t give a fuck about none of it. The only thing I care about and want and NEED is pain relief and that’s too much to ask for isn’t it? Apparently wanting to be better in the world it’s too much to ask for”

“You deserve to feel better”, he says while his hand travels up your back to rub your tense neck, “You deserve to be free from all of this and I can’t give that to you. You’re not selfish baby you’re hurting. I love you for you. I knew what I was signing up for, and if I didn’t want that I wouldn’t be here right now with you. I know the sacrifices Ill have to make, the tears I’ll have to shed, the strength it’ll take me to pick you up when you’re down, but I fell in love with you, how you are, and who you are”

“Who are you kidding Steve, you don’t even know who I am. The real me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wish you met me when I wasn’t sick then maybe you wouldn’t be so stressed out a-and.. and,” you start sobbing again, it’s all too overwhelming

“Hey, hey look at me, no. I met you at the right time. You need me just as much as I need you. You may not think you’re worth nothing but you’re worth everything to me. Yeah you have a good and bad days..—

“I’ve had nothing but bad days for the past few months Steve”-

“I know, I see it, I hear it and I witness it, I may not can feel it, but at the end of it all, you still love me. You’re still here. You still want to cook for me. You still get up to brush your teeth and I’m so proud of you for still trying to care for yourself. That’s the biggest job you’ll ever have, and it’s been a very hard job hasn’t it?

You nod, as he nods with you

“Yeah, it has, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. I want to provide for you. I want to take care of you. You’re my girl, you deserve so much and as long as I’m with you, I will try every day, every hour, every second or minute, to make sure you know how loved, how great and how amazing you are. How great and amazing you’re doing for yourself and for me. How strong you are”—

—“im tired of having being strong all the time”, interrupting him

“I know you are. You are so strong for being on this earth, even when you don’t want to be. I wouldn’t ask for anybody else, you’re it for me always. Will you continue to let me try to make it better for you every day? To take care of you?”, he squats in front of you, cupping your wet cheeks, kissing your forehead

“But Stevie.. you know you’re getting your own hopes up because nothing you do helps either and I feel like a piece of shit for saying that because”—

“I know what you mean, you don’t have to be sorry. I understand you may not have hope but I do. All my Hope goes towards you and it always will. You are the most important thing in my life. I’m not gonna give up on you, on me or on us, ok sunshine?”

..”okay”, you repeat rubbing your temples

“Head hurt, darling?”

“yes”

“From crying too hard?”

You nod, looking away in shame, “It’s okay, I’ll get your Migrane cap from the freezer and i’ll set your pillows up how you like, just sit tight”, he says it standing then pausing at the doorway, looking over his shoulder, “I love you”

“luv you—

“Hmm? What was that, I couldn’t hear you” he exclaims

“I said love you gosh.. shut up”, you barely crack a smile

That was enough to get him through the rest of the night.

[sadvid]

camp camp makes me insane ramble. do not click more unless you are so so very insane

camp camp is gonna make me go fucking insane i can't fucking do this anymore there is NOTHING!!!!!! NOTHING!!!! ALL THEY DID WAS GIVE US TINY PISS DRRROPLETS WITH ONE EPISODE FINALE SAYING MAXS PARENTS DONT CARE AND DAVID SAYING YOU DONT DESERVE THAT AND NOW IVE BEEN IN THE TRENCHES FOR YEAAAARSSS. i have read fics with over 100k words i have drawn so many things and imagined so many scenarios with angst and hurt/comfort and stupid stupid thoughts that would never ever happen in the show in a million years HIS ASS IS NOT GETTING ADOPTED DADVID IS NOT REAL GWENVID IS A SICK JOKE i love them so much you don't understand. i forgot to take my meds. oh my goddddd. THERE ARE LIKE THREE CAMP CAMP FANS LEFT BECAUSE THE REST WERE NORMAL PEOPLE WHO JUST WATCH THE SILLY CAMP CARTOON THAT SAYS FUCK. they dont wonder about the possibilities of a sad ten year old rejecting happiness but slowly allowing himself to be vulnerable and loved by a counselor who is surrounded by hate and despondency but stays positive despite despite despite because nobody else will and he wants to be the source of happiness that he wish someone was for him. NO! they say HAHA the ten year old said fuck! oh my god the non swearing counselor said fuck too that's so profound! oh no the ten year olds parents bad :( HAHA NOW HES BALD!!!! and after a month of the show being gone they LEAVE because they're NORNAL!!!!! but i. I AM IN THE TRENCHESSSSS. you have no idea you have no idea. listen maybe i'm just a little insane because i am a max who needs a david JUST MAYBE! and i think this is just a lot of me projecting my desperate need for love and my simultaneous rejection and fear of it onto max. And my need for someone to keep persistently and loudly loving me no matter how much i reject it. PROBABLY!!!!! i don't care i don't care how fucking insane i sound I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY I COULD talk about this show for hours i wish i didn't have job or school or life so i could write and anímate camp camp season 6 7 8 9 10 infinity and kill the warner brothers and write 500k word ao3 fics. IM INSANE. i am picking up crumbs and calling it a wedding cake do you understand. god i'm i i i i i i i i it's 2024 it's been too long too many years of this.... too many got damned years. every time i pick up a pencil i draw max camp camp. i have drawn david's stupid fucking face so many times its probably become the shape of my brain wrinkles. i go feral thinking about gwen's hair looks like down or what the fuck these characters last names are. Can you fucking believe i hyper fixated on a character whose last name i dont even know. hey who's that small angry fucker you're always doodling. uhh max. max who. max... camp camp. WHO?!!! DAVID?!!? DAVID ATTENBOROUGH?!?! MAX CAULFIELD?! i'm going to set myself on fire. i really truly am. i love them i live for nothing but a ghost child on an island and a silly friend trio. when will it end. when. i love them if you couldn't tell

[deathbxnny]

Love your works, keep going but don't forget to take care of yourself!

Its my first time requesting so bare with me, though you dont really need to do this. I just want angst hahahah.

Hsr men

You know the thing like if either they pick the world/everyone's sake or you thingy, hahahahah

Anyone really but put bladie first.

-----♡

A/N: ohh I absolutely love that idea! It makes for great angst, so I hope you'll like this! And thank you for the request!<33

Featured characters: Blade, Jing Yuan, Welt

Content: Established relationship, angst, hurt/no comfort, mentions of betrayal (?), just pain

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

》Blade

It wasn't the world or anyone else he had to choose between. No, for him, it was the revenge he sought after for so long and you. Revenge is what motivated him and kept him going. It's all he wanted, all he needed. If he could get his revenge, then he'd finally be free from this hell.

And he was a selfish man. A man, who ultimately only cared for himself in the end. Who always prioritised himself over anything and everything. Including you. He told you this, he told you how he thought and how he was. He gave you a warning and you still stayed. He laid out the red flags for you and you still stayed.

So why were you so surprised, when he chose his goals over you with such unashamed ease? Did you really think, that he'd change for you? That he'd give up everything for you? Perhaps you were foolish to think that he would.

Not that he seems to care, as he leaves your crying and broken form behind. Ignoring the painful ache in what was left of his heart, before it too diminishes by the lack of you near him.

-----♡

》Jing Yuan

It was Jing Yuan's duty to protect the Xianzhou Luofu and it's citizen. He swore it under oath centuries ago, he spent years and years of training and energy to perfect himself for his job as well. It was important to him. So important, that he couldn't think twice, when it came to choosing the ship over you.

And it was so painful. It tore out his soul. Destroyed his heart, until there was nothing left. He wished, that he would never have had to choose and yet it was for the greater good. Even if you hate him after this, surely you'd still be able to live on safely.

He can't even look you in the eyes anymore, the shame fighting his guilt, as he steps away and apologises for the 1ppth time. Then he leaves, his eyes trailing over your broken form in pain and heartbreak, before they also turn away.

He takes it as his last memory of you, so that he can remind himself of the consequences of his sacrifices and suffer for another lifetime for them.

-----♡

》Welt Yang

It was always the world for Welt. Always. No matter what dimension or timeline it was, he always protected the world. And his world included you, but even that wasn't so simple. In order to save you, he had to let you go, he knew that.

So he didn't hesitate to send you away, promising that in another life, or dimension, you two could finally be together. But you ofcourse don't understand. Why can't you choose him here? Why was the world so much more important than you? Why can't he just choose you for once?

His heart rips apart, as he can only silently walk away, unable to answer any of your questions. He thought, he'd be stronger than that. He thought, that he was used to this. And yet, it took him all his strength to not turn around and go back to you.

In the end, he secretly felt like it was all for nothing. He may have saved the world, but lost you in the process. And what's the point, if he can't have you next to him?

-----♡

A/N: Alright, I hope that was angsty enough for you, Anon! Thank you again for the request!<33

[antiwhores]

Brand New; Bakugouxreader

After chasing you away when it was revealed that you were pregnant, you start a new life. The baby didn’t survive so your life was your own withiut trave of him. A life without Bakugou. Can he do the same as good as you? You’re happy. Is he?

TW: hurt, angst, no comfort for Bakugou, unwanted pregnancy, miscarriage, break ups, fighting (verbal), good ending for reader, not proof read, unprotected sex, hatred.

I was just in that angsty mood yk? Yall btw, i wanna cut my vagina off fr. And i dont want myears anymore. Whats the point of hearing if it only works sometimes?! Ugh.

You resented him. Bakugou was officially dead to you. In fact he had been dead to you for a while. But when he decided to pop up into your life and try to ruin it again. You were pissed.

During your sophmore year of highschool you were dating Bakugou. You two were childhood friends, attached at the hip. But when he decided that fucking with a faulty condom would be a good thing, even when you protested, it all changed.

He got you pregnant. All because he didn’t wanna wait to get his dick wet till he could get a new condom to replace of the one he’d been carrying in his pocket for the whole span of the 3 day camping trip you two took.

Didn’t he understand that this was a huge change for you too? No, he was selfish.

“I don’t have time for a damn child! Im trying to be a hero for gods sake!” “Okay?! You can’t just try to force and abortion on me like that you piece of shit! This was all you! And you think I don’t have shit to do with my life to?!” “Your life isnt as important as mine!”

You packed your shit and left that week. You never looked back. And you regret nothing.

You moved out to the far countryside of Japan. Somewhere hidden in the fog of a deserted, closed off town. You finished your highschool years in that small little village. You got to know everyone in the town. You went to college in another side of the outskirts and graduated with a degree that would keep you happy.

The baby didn’t survive, you didn’t even have time to think about whether or not you wanted to keep it before it died. You remember going to the doctor about a day or two after the incident to check on the parasite in your stomach. It was gone.

You remember laughing biterly, tears whelling up at what the doctor told you. All that bickering and loss just for a false alarm. You were sick.

Now, for the first time in a long time, you were happy. You were 24 with a house and car, a stable job, plenty of non-judging allies, friends and good relationships, financial stability, a nice area of living, and most of all; you were without him.

You swore never to step back into the city again unless absolutely necessary. Not even for family visits. The family that did want to see you came out to you instead of vice versa. You also made sure not to tell any of your old friends where you had gone.

You knew he patrolled the streets. Even if theres a small chance you’d see him again, you wanted to prevent that at all costs.

But apparently no matter how far you ran, the past ran faster.

Everyone in the town knew eachothers stories and you were no exception. The town knew that you had been betrayed by such a famous man. They were kind, they took down any advertisements for the man, they talked shit whenever he came up on tv, etc.

So of course all hell broke loose when he came to your small town to work on a case. They knew they needed to keep you away from him and they knew how.

So, as Bakugou was roaming the streets, spreading his bitter aura like the plague on everything he touched, you hid.

The plan was almost compromised when he met eyes with you breifly. You were in a neighbors house when it happened. Everyone had just been notified that he came through so you weren’t ready.

You dissapeared from the window as quickly as you came. Even though he beckoned himself a fool, a crazy man for even thinking his first love was in this building after all these years still as gorgeous as he remembers; he still found himself walking up to the door and placing a firm knock.

It was not you whom answered his knock but the neighbor. A tiny brown woman with glassy green eyes who looked about 25. A coldness wafted off of her as she questioned his reasoning for knocking. He felt like a borderline schizophrenic. According to himself, he was just so deperate to see her again that when he saw a woman around the same age as you he was stiff and stunned.

He packed his shit and left that week. He looked back. He regreted everything.

[p0rchc0ll4ps3]

random harry / jean pre-martinaise thoughts. headcanons mostly since the game doesn't give Much to go off. wrote this to gather my thoughts for how to write the jean/harry dynamic.

warning for suicide mentions and also dora is underage (17) when harry meets her. also abusive toxic relationships and domestic violence. also brief nsfw mention (just "they fuck" and that's it, nothing in-depth). also these people r homophobic

so jean:

Partnered with Harry from '46 to '49

officially met harry after dora left harry in '45. Never met dora. was aware of / had talked to harry b4 then, but they didn't work together

Partnered w Harry after a previous partner left Harry.

Only guy left (along with trant but jean forced trant to stay)

then Harry timeline maybe:

Met Dora when he was 23 and she was 17 in ’30. They lived together for 3 years. The first 2 years are perfect, happy, out of a dream.

Cracks start to form in the facade about year 3, but they try to work through it. But she’s young and naive. She convinces him to join the rcm bc he cares so much for revachol it hurts. Stop wasting your potential being a gym teacher, be a cop. Save the world

And he does he goes and joins. But then they start to run out of money. And he starts to lose it

Joined rcm in ’33 when he was 26

Did so many cases probably coz of stimulants + alcohol

Has had amnesiac blackouts in the past

In the beginning Harry's GOOD. Hes SMART. He manages. And then they load case after case on him. And hes already manic depressive as fuck (bc i hc him with bipolar i). So hes already working up a healthy alcohol addiction. Bc he and dora argue a lot.

After the first year or two, the arguments start to get more and more frequent. They’re not good for each other, but you don’t just Leave someone. You have to stick with them. And maybe dora also had hope he’d get better

But towards the end it’s toxic as fuck, she hits him, he hits her, they yell at each other. Toxic environment breeds toxic out of both of them.

She basically matured around him, under his influence, so it’s VERY abusive, and she starts to come into her own person and demand independence, and fight back, and he doesnt like that. And she also doesnt like it when hes sad and she TELLS HIM that. And he doesnt like that. Bc shes SHIT with his mental illness and not patient or understanding at all. Plus he's drunk and high so much, so as far as she’s concerned that’s why he’s like that (his manic and depressive; she blames it on the drugs and the drink) (ignoring the fact that he’s been this way since the beginning bc the first two perfect years remain without issue in her mind, even tho there are plenty of issues there)

Dora left him in ’45, 12 years after he joined the rcm.

She’s 38 in ’51, he’s 44. 6 year age gap. Were together for 15 years

Had a previous partner in the rcm from 33 to 46. 13 years working together!!!!!!! (Harry was 26 to 39; old guy (born in ’85) was 54 to 67)

Maybe an older guy who mentored harry. Like a real noir type of guy. Gets partnered with this new young guy bc hes really good at his job and harry can keep up. Was like. Yeah no I dont want to work with anyone anymore, but then theres harry and he needs a partner and the older guy is like fuck. I like this one lemme grab him. Bc he sees harry’s potential. They work REALLY well together. Old guy teaches harry a lot of shit. hes super bitter on the outside and hardened by life, and harry gets a lot of his vices from him. The guy’s a drunk old cranky bastard and no one wanted to work with him and they all thought oh this guy won’t lighten up. But he picks harry. And harry opens him up.

He’s really good with harry’s manic episodes. But it’s like. They bounce off each other, balance each other out. But also maximize the shit. Encourage the bad habits in each other

Old guy is shit with the depressive episodes. Harry says I feel like killing myself, old guy says go ahead and do it nothing in life matters

Harry got manic sometime in that time frame in the year and a half after dora left him and said FUCK this old guy. Fuck your cranky bitter awful ass youre dragging me down. Youre too old. You cant keep up with me. I want that one other guy (jean) bc he’s smart he’s young hes capable he can fix me. Fuck off, im working with jean now (maybe he and jean have had a case or 2 in the past that helped harry realize jean's potential)

So the old guy quit. He just ditches he’s like ok suffer whatever see if I fucking care. Imagine your partner of 11 years starts getting super pissed at you and now getting emotionally dependent on you and clingy as fuck the old guy just COULDNT handle that

harry was manageable in the beginning. it started to seriously go to shit when dora left him bc before he would go home and take it out on dora. so his work didnt see his bad side until he lost her. She was his anchor, his life, his rock, and when he lost her he had no fucking idea what to do. started to take out his issues on his coworkers instead

Jean again:

Jean has been in the rcm for a while, maybe since he was 20 in ’37? He’s a sensitive sort of guy in there, he feels how the world hurts, so he wants to help. But also he joins bc it makes him feel tough. He can push people around. Gives him an excuse to be a bully. See dad? IM TOUGH. Fuck you (he has major mommy/daddy child abuse issues. bc i hc him as having been a very sensitive kid who cried a lot. and got bullied by everyone for it, family especially. now he has a major superiority / not-man-enough complex)

Hes also Really good at his job. Hes happy doing housework!!! He likes patrolling and giving people tickets and doesnt want to do much else. plus he's very bonded to his horse. therapy horse

Jean is diagnosed by the lazareth for depression when he’s 27 bc he slips a little on his copwork I think.

Harry grabs him in ’46 when jean is 29, so jean does horse for 9 years, then 5 years of homicide with harry where he goes thru the absolute stress of his life getting thrown into lieutenant position completely unprepared for it

Jean is ok with harry at first bc he has hope, jeans a guy who hopes, and hes like ok harry will get thru this hes smart, but slowly jeans like ah fuck nope. This ones a lost cause. They work together for 4 and a half years!

Harry helps jean thru a breakup and is genuinely nice. I think harry slips into a manic episode when first working with jean and jean knows that side of him first, then he stabilizes, then sinks into depression again

In the 4 years they work together:

In the beginning of working with harry, jean breaks up with his girlfriend of like. 6 years. Who he’s known since ’40 when he was 23 (it’s '46 now and he’s 29). Harry helps him through it and jean gets really attached to harry coz of that

About 3 years in (in '49) they have homosexual relations. Ie they fuck. Bc harry gets really awful. Really starts slipping

And the case load is a LOT for jean. And he’s been thru 5 girlfriends in three years since that other one and it’s been shit. They’ve all left him bc he has to choose work over them (and also coz he's a crybaby but also coz he's super pushy and controlling)

And jean’s lonely as fuck. And he’s starting to drink too bc of harry. And bc of his influence. And they fuck and jean gets obsessed with him and he’s like fuck this is gonna’ wreck everything (there's a lot of internal homophobia here too). He really tries to be professional but it’s HARD when harry’s got so many ups and downs

Bc jean genuinely is there for and DOES help harry. Harry just. Keeps relapsing. Constantly. But jean keeps coming back bc Harrys so clingy and genuinely nice to him etc

Jean’s dealt with harry suicide attempts like so many times in this time period. Countless

But in ’49 b4 they fuck, harry tried to make a move on jean bc he really was getting obsessed with him, and jean denied him bc jean’s homophobic as fuck

A week later harry kills himself. Or. he’s supposed to be dead, but he doesn’t die somehow

That’s when he goes missing for a few days and jean finds harry in his apartment half dead. Tried to hang himself

They get SUPER codependent after that. And it gets toxic. Bc jean hates being emotionally vulnerable with another man and bc harry can get violent when rejected or just violent unexpectedly

There may be a jean suicide attempt in there too, but something like passively suicidal: doesn’t have a regard for himself or a sense of self-preservation. Harry’s had to save his life before, help him out of danger (and vice versa tbh)

Jean is more trigger happy than harry, so part of the reason harry has so few kills is bc jean took them. But also jean is really good at stopping harry. And ALSO harry just. Really doesn’t want to kill people. He talks first, shoots later (unlike Kim who shoots first, talks later). Hes a really competent cop, its just that his unmedicated bipolar ass and his work stress and his breakup issues and the jean codependency really drown him

i know there's definitely more going on here, and i could go earlier about harry (he's a child of divorce and learned a lot from his parents about how to treat a partner (ie yell and shout at her), he has a lot of trauma from working child labor and also from watching his friends die in his teens) but these r my basic vague thoughts rn

[pinkthick]

REQUEST ARE OPEN

You can choose from down below any prompt/prompts you want with the following characters:

✩ Stephen Strange

✩ Defender Strange

✩ Sinister Strange

✩ Doctor Strange Supreme(What if?)

✩ Supreme Strange

✩ Monster(from vampires to werewolves lmao) Stephen Strange

✩ Sherlock Holmes

The fanfictions won’t be really long (1500 max ig?) and they would probably be Fem!Reader (I could try with gn!reader too). Choose a sentence/sentences from down below and you can give your own ideas too.

I will be going on a trip so they probably won’t be posted this week(bear with me please).🙏

Prompts

✩ Angst

1. ”Is everything a joke to you?"

2. "It's my fault, I didn't listen to everyone saying this would be a mistake!"

3. "Why does everything have to be a struggle with you?"

4. "I can't believe you sometimes!"

5. “Great. Really great, this is just perfect.”

6. "Why can't you just let it go?"

7. "That is the dumbest excuse I have ever heard!"

8. "Maybe you should just leave now."

9. "Oh yes, you're so great.”

10. "I really don't understand what's going on with you sometimes!"

11. "I will leave now, or I'm going to say things I will regret later.”

12. "Have you never actually thought about how I would feel about this?"

13. "Maybe this is it, because I can't do this anymore!"

14. "Don't you dare just walk away right now!”

15. "This wouldn't even be a problem, if you wouldn't make one out of it."

16. "How does that make it okay?"

17. "Do you even listen to yourself?"

18. "I'm glad I finally get to see who you really are.”

19. "Hey, hey, it's okay. Breathe."

✩ Fluff

1. "I thought you left" "Nope, just making pancakes"

2. "I never want to let you go.”

3. "I can't believe you remembered that" "I remember everything about you"

4. "I'm so proud of you"

5. "Did you just call me sweetheart?"

6. "Take my affection before I choke you with it"

7. "Is it okay if I fall asleep here?"

8. "I can keep you company till you fall asleep"

9. "I can't imagine my life without you"

10. "You complete me"

11. "I'm counting down the days until I see you"

12. "I love your apartment" "Our apartment"

13. "Sorry for borrowing your clothes" "Dont be. You look great in them"

14. "One more kiss?"

15. "I'm so glad I met you"

16. "Can I try some of your food?" "Of course. Open wide"

17. "Thanks for believing in me"

✩ Horror(?)

1. "I want to know how you'll taste between my teeth."

2. "I can never get enough of you. I'll drink you down to the last sip."

3. "You look delicious. I won't stop until I've eaten every bite.”

4. “I'm going to engrave myself into your very being.”

5. "We won't stop until you're so covered in my scent, no one will dare touch you again.”

6. "Don't play with fire if you don't want to burn.”

7. "Don't complain now you did this to yourself.”

8. "You reap what you sow."

9. “This hurts me more than it hurts you.”

10. "Why are you acting like you don't know me?”

11. "Why are you running? I did this for you!"

12. “You don't need a job, baby. Your job is being mine.”

13. "You're better off without them anyway.”

14. “I removed the problem. You should be thanking me.”

15. “I would never hurt you. You know that, right?”

16. "Why are you scared?”

17. "You're the only reason worth living for.”

18. "Why would you want to leave? I'm keeping you here for your own good!”

19. "There's nothing left for you but me. Everyone else is gone."

20. "No one will ever find you here."

21. “If his filthy hands touch you again I'll kill him.”

22. "Shouldn't you be spending more time with me?”

23. "I can't control how I react when your eyes wander.”

24. “The truth would have just hurt you.”

25. "I'm not lying - I bent the truth a little to protect you."

26. "Don't you believe me?”

27. "I've done everything for you and this is how you repay me?”

28. "I can't eat, I can't sleep. You're all I can think about.”

29. "To my dying breath, I'll never let you go."

30. "I'll follow you to the ends of the earth. No matter where you run, I'll catch you.”

31. "Did you really think I wouldn't find you?”

Credits for the prompts @diety-prompts, @writeformesinpie and @creativepromptsforwriting

[quantum-bliss]

Day 6 of heartbreak (night)

Nothing breaks a person's heart like life. I realized I was broken before you and thus I am broken after you. I cant blame you for everything I feel. I realized I isolated myself and cut myself off from the rest of the world to protect myself. I disguised my defense, by saying "I just dont like people" or "theres no good people left." Neither statements are true.

While reflecting on my life, I realized darkeness loves heartbreak because it can use it to ruin our trust, our hearts, and ultimately our lives. Slowly darkenss has consumed me. In response to every painful relationship, I distance myself from people more and more. I wanted to do the same thing this time, I wanted to say I will never trust another soul, but I wont.

Instead I decided to the opposite. I decided to give people a second chance. I decided to forgive people. I prayed to God to make my heart more gentle so I can love people deeper. I decided to show more compassion and see the humanity in everyone, instead of the monsters. I decided I am ready to live again. I wont let what happened steal my life anymore, I decided this time I will rise from the ashes more beautiful and gentle than ever.

Everytime I wanted to get angry again, I reminded myself that you are just human hurting and so am I. I realied, no matter what you do, getting hurt is a part of loving someone. I found myself in a good place because of this change in mindset.

Because of my new found wisdom, I will use this heartbreak to make myself more accessible to the world around me. I will love deeper because of this pain and my heart will grow bigger. This time the devil will pay and not me, this time his tricks wont work, this time I will reclaim my life, this time I will turn pain to purpose.

[daybringersol]

i think the reason that i love william wisp so much is that hes literally me when i was younger, like back when i was depressed, self-hating and refused to try cuz i was scared. i felt hollow, like there wasnt any personality left under that pain. at some point, the idea of getting better felt terrifying to me, cuz i didnt know what id find under all the pain and trauma, if there was even anything left under there.

// JRWI prime defenders S2 EP39 spoilers, tw for psychosis, derealisation and dissociation mentions

with this new era of william wisp, i wouldnt be surprised if I ended up relating to him even more. I think theres a lot of directions he could go towards, personality-wise, and even if he ends up not going the same route as me, i know that the idea itself of having to find yourself after so long spent hiding is gonna resonate with me no matter what.

another thing i find interesting is that i also got that moment when i realised that everything i wanted was at my fingertips, which was the catalyst for me eventually getting better. it was during my psychosis, this friend of mine (who i held in very high regards) ended up telling me off, i dont remember for what exactly (psychosis does funny things to your brain) but it was something related to me not trying to get better. they said something that triggered my derealisation, which of course, sent me into a derealisation/dissociation spiral for some months, and basically straight to rock bottom. of course, i wouldnt recommend that you do that for your friends who are going through similar stuff, im pretty sure i could have died multiple times back then, but in the end, its what pulled me through to where im at now.

i dont remember everything, but basically, the thought process was : nothing is real, its all made up in my head, so theres nothing stopping me from imagining a world where im happy and living in it. i wrote a poem about it, not my best work for obvious reasons, but theres still something to it i think. here :

I want to see tomorrow

I’ve been wishing my whole life for the strength to say "I'm doing great!" when someone ask me how I am

I've always had that strength

I can just say it

It's just 4 words

I

am

Doing

Great

Easy, see?

It doesn't matter if it's false

Or if the tone of my voice was off

Or if the way my eyes naturally met the ground as soon as you entered the room

It doesn't matter

So what, if I'm lying?

In a fraction of second, I might not be lying anymore

No

In a fraction of second, I won't be lying

I've been making planets and universes in my head since I could think

I never thought of making one where I was happy

Why should it matter if it's only in my head

My head is real, it's right there

And in the end, all the other stuff too was in my head

I can trust you

I can have friends

I can be myself

I can have my body back

I can be beautiful

Inside and out

I choose what is true and what is not

It doesn't matter if I'm lying to you

It doesn't matter if I'm lying to myself

In the end, we could be both only in my head

It wouldn't matter

So yeah

I want to see tomorrow

Even if it's raining and even if I don't even notice it's raining

I'll just close my eyes, and I'll have everything I've always wanted

so yea ! even if of course the superpower thing and coming back to life thing isnt very realistic, as a metaphor, williams story makes complete sense. i felt dead, back then. and i truly feel like a different person now.

and im looking forward to see where the story takes him in the future !

[brights-place]

could you maybe do dating capper from my little pony?? you dont have to! im not even sure you do much other than trolls, ahah

Capper Dating Headcannons

Pairings: Capper X Reader

Warnings: Fluff

A/N: LOVELY! HAVE YOU SEEN MY MASTERLIST AND ALL THE FANDOMS IM IN?! LOVELY PLEASE GO TO MY MAP I DO MORE THE TROLLS SO DW HONEY! plus my Map is pinned on the top of my account when you see my blog ₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎

- Okay but what capper did at first in the movie like planning to sell twilight and her friends I was like “Uhm BITCH?!” - Anyways heres the dating headcannons for Capper that little cat bastard who I contemplate whether I like or hate him tbh I stand my ground when he tried to sell the ponies to the circus I wanted to punt that little pussy cat SORRY SORRY! - Capper is portrayed as smooth talking, streetwise, and opportunistic, able to charm and trick others with his charismatic personality and quick wit which was something you fell for - He loves you with his WHOLE heart - Capper IS a loving and caring boyfriend though sometimes he can be an ass from time to time including his crippling debt he tries not to get you pulled into it - Loves how you treat him gently and lovingly he would stare up at you when you cup his face as he purs which he didn't know would be possible around you - He likes helping you out when he can to show you that he doesn't feel ashamed to assist you because he loves you. For him it means a lot that you are asking him to do these small tasks, he feels special. he will purr if you kiss his cheek as a reward. - Capper is not used to receiving genuine compliments, as he didn't often receive them alot due to his... career - But when you compliment him it always catches him off guard a but he eventually learned to appreciate it and it even made him feel a little sentimental and melt into your hands easily

- " I don't want to be a thief forever. I just want to find a place where we can just... be." Capper says cupping your face in his paws as you chuckle softly "No matter what happens I love you everywhere we are is better with you" you two hold each other closely - Though he is an thief and tries to pay of his debt he doesn't want you to ever EVER! be involved in his work - Cappers an con-artist, was once a swanky aristocrat living the high-life with pride and dignity which is sometimes hard to deal with in some moments yet you still love him and ask him to just tone it down abit since you didn't want people to think bad about Capper anymore

- When it comes to cuddling doesn't mind being the big or little spoon! though he very much prefers being the big spoon due to loving the fact feeling you close to his fluffy chest. - He likes it when you run your fingers through his fur or use his fluffy chest as a pillow - Capper will whisper sweet nothings into your ear and tell you how much you mean to him! - He'll place kisses along your face and cover you up a bit when you finally fall asleep don't worry he's not going anywhere because he'll fall asleep next to you and would grip onto you tighter when you leave his arms - He whines and tries to charm you to stay longer with him before you go out - Since he’s like an cat I feel like dating him would also be like having an pet cat to take care off

- Head scratches are 100% didn’t even know he liked it until you did it to him with an huge smile he was absolutely befuddled before relaxing and a low purr left him

- But at the end of the day you know that your fluffy boyfriend can be a sweetheart.

reblogs + comments are appreciated ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

©brights-place 2023 — do not repost on another platform, copy, translate or edit my works! if you fit my DNI list please don't interact!

[yurissweettooth]

Tired of every single day seeing 29583995 posts about how you are supposed to engage in fandom and how everyone who engages differently is wrong and bad and not allowed to do this and that.

Literally do not understand why people are so pressed about what other people are doing for fun.

Do I find the way people interpret/misinterpret some characters to be annoying and baffling at times? Yes! I think everyone does. But that doesn't mean the person who is over there having a fun time not hurting anyone is at fault for it. You can block them and move on and say nothing.

This was inspired by a screenshot of someone saying something to the tune of "normalize mischaracterizing your comfort characters. I dont care whether or not they would canonically do something." And someone retweeted (to a seemingly large audience) telling them that they must not actually like the character. Which feels pretty mean-spirited to an innocuous post about how someone chooses to engage with something that comforts them.

And I honestly think the original person had a point. Normalizing it does not mean YOU have to do it or YOU have to like people's interpretations, it means that people will be allowed to engage in harmless fun without everyone getting up and arms and making assumptions about them or QRTing their post to thousands of people calling them a fake fan.

Everyone has a different idea of what fun and comfort is and for some people that's making wacky AUs or exaggerating traits and playing dollhouse and for others that meticulously researching and nailing down every canon detail in their works. Some people like tiktok and incorrect quote edits and some like meta and deepdives into and it's all okay and fine!

Someone doesn't HAVE to make an OC. If they want their quick fix of comfort and catharsis by just tacking traits on to a pre-made character that they don't have to expend extra energy on then who cares?

Also lots of neurodivergent people (like myself) and kids get caught in the crossfire as well, but really I think EVERYONE should have the right to do what they want. This feels like another extension if cringe culture which should be dead an buried by now.

And I say all this as a person who PREFERS to engage in fandom in a canon-compliant, lore-friendly way and yet has also been the victim of this.

I have had bad/mean fandom experiences over presenting evidenced, well-sourced, and canon compliant material that just happens to contradict popular fanon. I have also received backlash for putting a character through 10+ years of canon-compliant, well researched, and carefully constructed character development which led them to do things differently in the future than they did in canon.

But I don't always feel like giving a 20+ paragraph disclaimer on every single doodle, edit, or short fic to prove to you exactly how they got here and why it's canon compliant (although I unfortunately DO tend to do this to avoid repeats of past hate :/) because it really shouldn't matter. Blocking me outright or blocking my tags should suffice.

I will never understand this mentality of "Only I do things correctly, everyone else is wrong and bad and ruining everything and I have to shame people doing harmless things so everyone sees how right I am" and I feel like I've been seeing it more and more every day lately and it's frustrating. This is a big part of why I left twitter but it's getting popular here too now.

This is honestly a big part of why I don't post the majority of my fanart and fics anymore. I no longer post meta or silly edits, I no longer reach out to people to discuss ideas, I rarely share my thoughts on any characters publicly, etc.

I live a very stressful life and I engage in fandom to relax and have fun but that has been very difficult for me due to people who always feel the need to be hateful over innocuous things. I feel more and more like I need to walk on eggshells so I do not accidentally incite another ✨️incident✨️ because I dared to post a silly headcanon or edit. And that sort of hate and "umm, actually..." response STILL happens to me, even in recent days because god forbid I post an AU I enjoyed and wished to share with people who might also enjoy it!! It's so frustrating.

And this, of course, is NOT referring to people who try to force/shame others into their interpretations (regardless of if they are compliant or not). This is also NOT about bigoted material. Turning characters into harmful stereotypes (making a black woman who is not sassy sassy, for example), using them to spread hateful messages, and erasing their identities/whitewashed their designs. That is a separate issue. But someone making a character you like say something they wouldn't say in canon? Making them act a little silly? Ignoring parts of canon to make an idea they have work? It's not hurting anyone!!!

[scentofpines]

Long depressive ramble sorryyyy (read if you feel like a loser, bc you will feel better afterwards, knowing you are way less of a loser than me lol)

my ex friends came out of school thriving, traveling abroad, doing internships, going on adventures, going to uni, partying, all this NORMAL stuff. When I dropped out of highschool bc i couldnt take it anymore i was a fucking wreck and a shell of the person i once was and sometimes it feels like i will never recover from this. i wasted years of my life. sure i did my a levels/highschool grad/abitur whatever you call it as an extern two years later and excelled but then i didnt do ANYTHING official for 3 fucking years. I go to uni now but parttime and will only start full time next semester and i dont even know how i will be able to do that bc it drains me so much. i dont even know if i will enjoy archaeology (i only studied history as of now, arch will start next semester). i never had a proper work. no one will ever employ me. what will i say when they are like ok what did you do between 2020 and 2023? NOTHING BRO I TRIED NOT TO KILL MYSELF (yee ok i did a lot of stuff for personal fun/development, like fucking knitting and gardening lol but nothing of substance). The three uni exams that i got graded on as of now i excelled in but what is it worth? I have no friends, any social interaction that isnt with my fucking mom is so draining, i constantly feel like an alien when i try to talk with the only girl in uni i know bc she is so absorbed into everchanging niche tiktok shit that is so superficial. I am constantly stressed I sweat writing this fucking paragraph right now lmao. I have my dog and I love her more than anything but I got her at 16 and bc I was very responsible and wanted to care for her always and not burden my mom with that i never went to student vacation and left early at parties etc. Having her definitely held me back. Now it doesnt even matter anymore, bc I dont want to do these things. She is also the reason i didnt kill myself so its an overall win i guess lol. I conditioned myself into sadness as my default since the age of 12 and I dont know if i can ever get out. I dont know how to be happy or content for longer than like a minute. The three therapy attempts i did were horrible and i just dont think that is the way for me. I lowkey hate what i have to do for uni but i cant drop out i have nothing else, im incapable of doing anything else. the fact that im an introvert and that i had basically unrestrained access to the internet in my formative years really didnt mix well, i was just consuming consuming consuming content. i have no creativity anymore. i genuinely dont know how the average screen time of ppl can be 8 hours and there are still artists out there? mine was way less and it still left my brain crippled. i was such a bright child, so creative, i dont want this all to be lost. Nothing ever changes for me, while everyone is living their lives I'm so paralyzed.

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

I feel like I may have fucked up a lot of things, and for some reason I cant stop. Lost my bf, childhood best friend, and now my new best friend. I really miss him tbh, but it’ll be fine. I think the only way I can fix things and bring some form of balance to my life is to just ghost everyone. I think a lot of things would’ve been better for everyone had I just left every single person I know alone. There has to be something wrong with me, even when I try to be better somehow I find a way to ruin any connection I have to people. The only way out is stop connecting. There’s no point anyways, I dont want to talk to anyone I dont want to tell people things anymore I want to just be alone forever. I need a break from life, sometimes existing is too much like sometimes I feel a little too alive or a little too emotional. Probably cause I feel everything intensely, even when I feel nothing I feel like in absolute. Its horrible how quickly things can turn. My mind is not somewhere I want to be, and its sad how much my brain hates me. I dont have anyone around anymore, and its all my own fault. Maybe I should just move on from everything and everyone. I think there’s something about being alone that I love though, maybe that’s why I do things that push people away. So that no one needs me around, im not reliable for a reason. This letter is all over the place im sorry. I just want a break from everything like just one little break. I’ll deal with it at some point but I just cant anymore I dont want to. As bad as life was this time last year I would go back to it all at least I always knew what to expect. Now its just non stop change and im not ready for it. As bad as he was at least I had someone. The best thing to do is just detach for a little while. I dont know how long, but I know I need to just leave everything. Its just scary to be by myself , no one has ever been crueller to me than I have.i keep trying to cry but I just cant. I dont know what’s wrong with me like how did this all happen when did I change and how did I not see it happen. The thing is does it really matter? Like does anything even actually matter? No one actually cares so what does anything matter?  

Lately ive been feeling nothing and I cant cry anymore. I just feel nothing but not numb but numb in a way idk how to explain it. Maybe I just need time to myself, away from people. The thing is I dont like myself. I dont want to be alone but I cant stand being around people. I want to be left alone but I hate myself. No winning I suppose. Its weird how much I wanted to end my life before and now I just live with the self hate lol. My eating disorder is back like completely. Funny thing is now that I look like I did before, my mom said that I finally look like myself again. That made me laugh. Thing is lately thoughts of bulimia have been in my mind. Like if I eat something then I think I could just throw it up and it’ll be like it never happened. Isn’t having a sick mind the best? 

love, 

s<3

Ps. Thank you for always listening.. I know in some other reality we’re friends, and im telling you this over ice cream. unfortunately, in this one you are somewhere I dont know, and I am too. love u.