#OM THERE WE GO

[the-art-in-arthesia-is-loud]

dood

[muffinlance]

My baby daughter got her adorable puffin-print dress absolutely CAKED in mud crawling around the yard and my first thought was "oh no her beautiful dress"

And my second thought was "oh huh it really WOULD be easy to unconsciously steer her away from playing in the dirt. Unlike my son, whose outfits are usually some kind of solid dark easily washed pants plus a shirt that doesn't trail in the dirt like a dress does."

Anyway something something gender roles start getting shoved on kids from literal birth, but with a little time to think about things, YOU TOO can let your children of any gender absolutely destroy their clothes in the dirt pit they're digging in your garden

[zephyrchama]

OM! Angels seem to have similar natural abilities to demons. Even if the source of their power is different, they're still far above humans in terms of innate abilities.

Basically, MC could be frolicking in a field and playing around with Luke outdoors when he approaches with a handmade flower crown. Freshly picked. Luke himself is wearing a prototype crown of the same variety.

Luke innocently places the gift on MC's head. Within minutes the unsuspecting human breaks out in massive itchy hives. They both panic, Luke reacts by flinging the crown out towards a random part of the field and blowing on MC's head to make the hives stop. Turns out those pretty flowers are toxic to most mortal beings! Who knew!

MC can still keep the crown behind glass and admire it. Luke may feel incredibly guilty though. From then on, he refuses to give MC anything new unless it passes Solomon's safety check first.

[ironicallyyn]

Obey me cast getting Outta character.... Pt..?

Dinner at HoL

Mc: the food looks so cute! I can't eat this (⁠づ⁠￣⁠ ⁠³⁠￣⁠)⁠づ

Mammon:

Satan:

Beel:

Belphie:

Asmo: you're cute too but I'd still eat y-

Lucifer: ONE DINNER

Levi: here we go again..

Lucifer: ONE NORMAL DINNER IS ALL I ASK FOR!

[majoliish]

imagine showing any of the celestials that stupid little illusion that makes it look like youre pulling your thumb off and they all collectively lose their SHIT. like freaking out, yelling at solomon for teaching you dangerous magic, asking why youd ever do such a stupid thing, only for you to put it back and theyre just so baffled. once its been explained, diavolo and mammon would be enamoured, begging you to show them the trick behind it.

by extension. telling one of them youve "got their nose" and running off, only for them to chase after you and demand for it back. luke just straight up bursts into tears.

[irishmammonagenda]

"Mams, I have some news for you." You say, hands behind your back at a weird angle, clearly hiding something.

"Not now, MC, the Great Mammon's busy." The Avatar of Greed dismisses you in an attempt to take his focus away from the way he perked up like a lovesick puppy when he heard your voice.

"But Mams, it's super important."

Mammon looks up from his DDD and stares at you expectantly, when he once more realises he's behaving like a lovesick puppy, he stares at his nails instead, scoffing. "This better be good, human. Do ya think I have all day?! Cus I don't!"

"But Mams! You're a dad now! You have to make time for your family!"

Mammon splutters, dropping his phone and falling off of his bed. "I'm a WHAT??!!! MC who's lyin' to ye! I'm not a dad!!!"

"Yes you are!" You bring your arms out from behind your back to reveal a small little black blob with small little golden horns, wearing an equally small black top hat with yellow accents.

"Papa!" Little D No.2 exclaims from your arms.

"ARRRGH!! The Great Mammon is not yer papa Little D!!!" Mammon shouts, attempting to cover the blush on his face.

You pout, Little D No.2 mirrors your expression. "But Mams! He's the spitting image of you! He's even got your horns! Are you abandoning our child?!"

"Yeah, Papa are you abandoning our chil-...wait hold on I am the child-....Yeah! Papa are you abandoning yer child?!"

"See! He even talks like you! He said yer!"

"T-t-that proves nothin'!! I-I'm not a dad!" Mammon splutters.

You look at him sulkily. "D-do you not wanna have a family with us...I mean how could you say no to this face?" You pinch Little D No.2's cheek and push him out towards the Second Born. "He's adorable! He gets it from you!"

"Fine! I'm a dad! Now please....stop poutin'?" Mammon almost pouts himself before his learned bravado makes another show. "Ahem...! What I was tryna say was....I, the Great Mammon don't care if you pout or not!"

Little D No.2 stage whispers to you. "Psst, what Mammon means to say is that he's so deeply unequivocally in love with you he hardly knows what to do with himself!"

Mammon sputters and shouts something in protest, but you just grin. "Awww! I love you too Mams!"

Mammon subconsciously preens at the praise before staring daggers at a sniggering Little D No.2 as you cradle it in your arms like a baby and coo to it things like 'You look so much like your papa! Yes you do!' and tap its little top hat before booping the small creature's nose, or where a nose should be on a Little D.

Mammon cracks a soft smile watching the scene; not that he'd ever admit it. Even though Little D No.2 was a little shit, he wouldn't mind someday having little shits of his own with you and starting an actual family, except he hoped they'd look like you.

[misc-obeyme]

You woke up in the middle of the night. You blinked your eyes open, thinking about rearranging yourself so you could drift back to sleep. And then you noticed the tuft of white hair that was peeking out above the edge of your mattress.

You reached out sleepily, burying your fingers in it.

The head shifted as Mammon looked over at you. It was dark in your room, but you could still see his gold-blue eyes. They seemed somehow dull, as though he wasn’t fully aware of himself.

“Mammon?” you whispered into the quiet. “Are you okay? What are you doing down there?”

Mammon was leaning against the side of your bed, arms around his knees. He shook his head a little, causing your fingers to ruffle through his hair. “Don’t worry about it, MC. Go back to sleep.”

You sighed. Like you could actually do that with him here like this. You sat up. “Don’t do that to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

Mammon didn’t move and he didn’t say anything, only sat there on your floor.

You pulled yourself out of the bed and sat in front of him. You leaned your cheek against one of his knees and looked up into his face. “Talk to me. Please.”

Mammon lifted his head and you were shocked to see the pain in his eyes. “Sorry, MC. Didn’t mean to wake ya.”

“Mammon…”

Mammon leaned his head back against the mattress. “Just had a nightmare, that’s all. Couldn’t go back to sleep, so I came here.”

You could tell you weren’t going to get any more out of him than that. But it didn’t matter. That was enough.

You stood up again and grabbed his hands, pulling him to his feet. He froze as you wrapped your arms around him, pressing him into you. For a moment, you could feel him trembling, but then he melted into your embrace. His arms enclosed you, his forehead resting on your shoulder.

You stayed that way for a long time, unwilling to let him go until he stopped shaking in your arms.

Eventually, you felt his body relax, enough that you felt he might be able to sleep again. You extracted yourself from him gently before tugging him into the bed with you.

Mammon was your guardian demon, the one who was always looking out for you, always by your side. But sometimes the guardian needed protection, too. And you would always be there to comfort him, even if he wasn’t sure how to ask for it.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[enoe-of-noen]

At a human world beach

Levi, with only swim shorts on: Hm, Mc? Are you not going in?

Mc, who is fully clothed: No, swimming’s not my thing.

Levi: Mn..but, it’s not..fun without you.

Mc: …that’s real sweet, Levi.

Levi: …

Levi: Mm..okay.

Levi: *Sits down next to Mc.*

Mc: Levi, you don’t have to-

Levi: I’m not going in if you’re not.

Mc: …

Mc: Levi, seriously, go enjoy yourself. I just don’t like swimming.

Levi: But-

Mc: No buts, go have some fun.

Levi:

Mc:

Mc: Neither of us are backing down, huh?

Levi: No.

Mc: *Sighs*

Mc: Fine. *Takes off their clothes to show swimwear underneath*

Levi: Ack!

Mc: It’s just a little skin.

Levi: *Red*

[freakylilnutjob]

most relatable guy ever

[shootingstarrfish]

hello have you seen this boy?

now you have :)

[5mary5]

WHAT THE SHIT?!

WHAT THE FUUUUUUCKK HOLY SHIT?! JDJEJXKSNDJD

[l3viat8an]

I WILL GET LEVIATHAN PREGNANT I WILL GET LUCIFER PREGNANT I WILL GET DIAVOLO PREGNANT I WILL GET SOLOMON PREGNANT I WILL GET MAMMON PREGNANT I WILL GET SIMEON PREGNANT I WILL GET THOSE PRETTY MEN PREGNANT 

[zephyrchama]

Asmo's wake-up call

You sensed that were you were not alone and gradually stirred from your sleep. Upon turning over and opening your eyes, an ethereal sight greeted you.

Asmodeus. Head resting on his arms, he leaned against the side of your bed like a fairy tale royal. His skin looked smooth and glistening. His eyes were as clear as an untouched tropical sea. Not a single hair was out of place. Artists would go to battle to acquire a muse even half as wonderful.

Your eyes felt crusty. Even half-closed, the light (or maybe just Asmodeus) was too bright and forced you to squint. Your limbs were inelegantly splayed out across the bed, with a sheet corner tangled around your ankle. There was a spot of dried drool at the corner of your mouth.

"What." That was all you could muster to say. What time was it? What was he doing there? What was going on? It was the prelude to many questions on your mind.

"Oh, you're awake? Good morning, sleepy head!" Asmodeus beamed at you, showing off flawlessly white teeth. Every tooth was perfect. You stared while waiting for your brain to turn on.

"I wanted us to hang out today," he continued, "so I came to see what you were doing. Sleeping in! It was sooo cute. Even now, look at you!"

You felt like a rotten moss-covered log in the forest out back. Asmodeus raised his D.D.D. and started snapping away, preserving the moment for eternity in images. That was a more alarming wake-up call.

Your brain urged its cells to move faster with a spike of adrenaline. Your hand lunged at Asmodeus' arm, grabbing his wrist, trying to sit your body upright. It was always so startling how soft his skin felt. Today's fragrance was something fruity. "What are you doing...?" you managed to say.

Asmodeus grabbed your hand back with delight. "So affectionate in the morning! I love it. I want to make sure I capture all of these adorable moments." You heard more shutter sounds, a whole burst of them.

Nope. Not while you looked like a spoiled potato in bed. This meant war.

[spark-river]

Lucifer: MAMMON YOU LIL MOTHERFUCKER-

Lucifer: I mean-

*clears his throat*

Lucifer: Mammon, my dear brother...

[three-realms-archive]

Just a Study

Content Warning: Spoilers for Lesson 40 of Nightbringer! Everything above the cut is spoiler-free!

The wise sorcerer watches his dear apprentice sleep peacefully, unaware of their close friend and mentor doing what he does best. Studying.

His eyes analyse the rise and fall of their chest, tracing his gaze over and across the parabolas that make up the shape of their sleeping form. The small chuckles that escape him when you snore and snort are sounds that you will never get to hear. The soft, unprecedented flushes of crimson across his cheeks when you nuzzle your forehead deeper into the crook of his neck is a sight you will never get to see. Yet your sounds, sights and touch… Solomon knows all of it. He knows the mean, median and mode of the number of hours you sleep at night; and he spends the midnight hours flipping through tomes dedicated to understanding love. To Solomon, this was all a study, really.

A study on how it would have been, if he had taken the time to know his fellow, human classmate from the get-go. How it would have been if he had taken you under his wing sooner - if he had won the race for your heart against the Seven Avatars of Sin. The data was there, in the form of the pact marks etched into your skin - placed there like perfect puzzle pieces. And no matter how much his brain wanted to process that data differently, the results and conclusion would remain unchanged.

To conduct a study, one must try to match the conditions of the experiment to the assumptions of the theory. Solomon knew this, and so he had strived to make Coctyus Hall your new House of Lamentation. He had lived with you - had eaten with you - had even slept beside you. He knew that you (more often that he liked) had shared a bed with each of the brothers before - so he had done that, too. He had taken your trip to the past as an opportunity to replicate the theory with ease, piecing together a domestic life with you that felt like bliss.

The perfect study.

It was meant to be the perfect study. For him and you.

So why?

Why did it hurt so bad, returning to the original timeline; and seeing how… easily, you fell back into your own life?

Why did it hurt, seeing you live, eat and sometimes even sleep alongside the brothers again?

Why did it hurt, sleeping beside you in your old room, when he had already shared a bed with you many times now? It hurt being with you, in this bed made for one, the pillows and blankets and your shifting form taking up room and pushing him out. Telling him that he didn’t belong next to you.

… The wise sorcerer watches his dear apprentice sleep; studying. He presses his lips gently to your temple and savours the familiar warmth that greets him, fondly. He selfishly, childishly, hooks an arm and a leg around you; entangling himself in you as you had done many times before with him. He easily finds your hand through touch alone under a blanket colder than the one you used to share; struggling to intertwine his fingers with yours properly. But he grips your hand like a lifeline when he manages to. He’s got the lines of your palm and the creases of the skin of your wrists memorised. With a small, shaky breath, Solomon uses his thumb to trace over them again, and again, and again. Studying.

It was just a study, right? A ‘what if’.

Just a study, with a simple title.

What if, for a while, he pretended you loved him?

A study compares the theoretical with the experimental. Compares the ideal with harsh, painful, hurtful reality.

You belonged with the brothers. They were your ideal.

… And his brief, domestic, blissful experiment with you was now over.

(i had started writing this before seeing that angest was ruling the poll, lol. but yayyyyyy i wanna start writing angst and romance with the characters i haven’t touched on yet, so have an angst solomon, set after lesson 40 of nightbringer)

[frankenbuggee]

The salute of good luck🍀

Inspired by this chat.